#i hate that place even though i've never even been there
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don't go Nanamin don't go
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jaggedamethyst · 2 days ago
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circuit breaker 🔬🌌 (part three)
tutor!jayce talis x reader college au
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content: adding tutoring to an already packed schedule has gotten overwhelming. there's so much to do, yet not enough time, it seems.
pining (but im not saying who lmaooo), mentions of mental health (panic attacks, anxiety, etc).
notes: hiii. i am addicted to writing for this i fear so don't be surprised if i just keep updating randomly. i've also just started school so this is all in my free time!! but chat...its about to get good af *smiles mischievously*
word count: 1.2k
series masterlist
⭑·゚゚·*:༅。.。༅:*゚:*:✼✿  ✿✼:*゚:༅。.。༅:*·゚゚·⭑
You didn’t enjoy this, scrambling for the countless time today to make a meeting. Even more so, you hated the idea of being late to see Ekko, again. He was always so empathetic—understanding. Even if he was upset with you, and you knew he was, he would never make you feel bad about it. He understood things happened. 
It didn’t stop you from speeding into the dining hall and turning to your usual table in a complete frenzy, though. “Ekko, I am so sorry. Time literally got away from me today.” 
He grips a chain he’d been holding, a locket at the top, and pushed it back into his pocket quickly. “It has a way of doing that…time I mean.” 
You sat down, immediately feeling way worse than you already had. “I’m sorry…”
“Don’t be, I’m sure you had a reason, right?” 
“Yes,” you sighed. “I was at tutoring with Jayce. We went over vectors and I finally understand it better.” 
His eyes lingered on the table, “Mm.” A hum from him, seemingly half paying attention. 
“Mm?” You mimicked the sound he made, “What’s mm?” 
“It’s just that I definitely could’ve helped you with that…being a STEM major and all…” 
“I know that…of course I know that but-“ 
He cracked a smile, “I’m joking.” 
You couldn’t help the smile on your face, the lightheartedness finally returning to you both. “I hate you, truly.” 
“You don’t…and that’s okay! I’m extremely lovable.” 
You nodded sarcastically, “Sure, I’ll let you keep believing that.” You looked around, finally taking in how desolate the dining hall actually was. It was a bit after peak hours now, considering you showed up a bit later than normal. A yawn escaped you, then, the day catching up to you. 
Ekko perked up a bit, “You hungry?” 
You tilted your head, “Always.” 
He turned to grab a paper bag from inside his backpack—pushing it across the table to you. Your order down to the sauces, no tomatoes, extra pickles. 
“Oh my gosh, I love you so much Ekko…you’re actually the best.” 
He watched you inspect the bag, each little detail perfect. There was a glint in your eye; it was rather humorous that it was about food, but he appreciated it nonetheless. 
You weren’t looking at him, but he was locked in on you. A genuine and soft look was on his face. “I love you…too.” 
The fries you were eating fully occupied your mind and nothing besides the comfort of your bed could get your mind off of them. Ekko didn’t say much after, letting you eat in silence before offering to walk you back to your place. The sounds of the busy city filled the space between you, him occasionally ushering you ahead with a soft nudge. Neither of you spoke until you were outside your door. 
You leaned in for a hug, “Thank you…I’ll see you tomorrow?” 
“Yup.” He hugged you back, leaning his head into yours, inhaling deeply. “Tomorrow.” 
“On time,” You pulled away, “I promise.” 
His hands found his pockets, nodding simply. “On time.” 
Exhaustion was creeping up on you. At this point, you had class most days of the week, Ekko meetings daily, and tutoring at least twice a week. On top of all of this, you desperately needed a job. Even with the hours that passed and the rest you got, the looming feeling of doom was making you feel anxious. There was a bubbling thought in you that in a few days time, you might genuinely have a panic attack. The signs were there, a fleeting feeling of irritation—the need to constantly be doing something. If you didn’t you’d be left alone with your thoughts and that never worked out well. 
The next day's hours squished themselves together. Despite the feeling, you plastered on a smile and made your way to do everything you had to. You couldn’t chance anyone, especially Ekko, knowing that you weren’t feeling the best. Yet, the emotion often found you in silent cries. You took the long way to tutoring, walking on side roads you knew never had many people on them. In one ear, you let music play, sinking into the emotion as best you could with the consistent sounds of the world around you. It was best you cry now, you thought. You had to focus during tutoring. 
You didn’t sob, but rather let the tears run freely. The cool sensation helped usually—a way for you to identify that you were present in the moment…in your body. You let your legs carry you to the resource center eventually, mindlessly walking toward the room Jayce had reserved. Truthfully, you were glad to see he wasn’t here yet. 
You got comfortable, wiping your face free of the proof of your small breakdown. You straightened at the sound of footsteps approaching the door. 
“Hey,” Jayce backed into the room, a small bag in his hands. He slowly turned, closing the door behind him. You weren’t looking his way, purposely avoiding his gaze—hiding your reddened eyes. “Are you okay?” 
“I’m good,” a sniffle, “Just had a hard day…lot on my plate.” 
He nodded, sitting across from you. “Well…I guess it’s good I made sure to bring some encouragement then.” You finally looked at him. His face contorted briefly at the sight of you before handing you the bag he walked in with. “Here…this should help.” 
Confused, you reached for the bag. “But-“ 
“I asked Viktor,” he interrupted, “He said you would like some of these.” 
“You really didn’t have to, I was just joking-“ 
“I wanted to,” he spoke quickly before pausing. He looked at you, swallowing the already lessening amount of moisture in his mouth. He needed some water. “Besides, the store was on the way here.” He cut himself off, gulping some of the water from his bottle. 
You didn’t speak, just looking at your favorite snacks in the bag. The gesture was a lot to take in, but it was appreciated.
“Can I say something?” 
You nodded, “Of course.” 
“I kind of relate to you…what you said about school. I have a scholarship, too.” 
“You do?” 
“Yup. It’s just me and my mom and we can’t really afford it.” He repositioned in his chair, “I worked really hard before this…for years to make sure I could get a full ride. I couldn’t stand the thought of putting that burden on my mom. But, when I got here, it was like the burden was on me now, to not fail…you know?” 
“Right…” 
“I don’t want you to feel…you shouldn’t feel like it’s all impossible.” He didn’t acknowledge the way you started to cry a little—he thought better of it and you thanked him internally. Instead, he reached for a paper towel. “Sorry, this is all we have…with the white boards…” 
“Thank you,” you chuckled a bit. 
“So…are you gonna eat any of those or can I have it back.” 
“I might be willing to share.” 
Jayce rubbed his hands together, “That’s what I like to hear!” 
The session was great, as usual. You were feeling even more comfortable—confident enough to take the next physics quiz. 
More importantly, you made it just in time to see Ekko’s look of surprise when you got there before him. 
“On time?” 
“On time.” 
taglist
@juskonutoh @sseleniaa @aerina127 @sleepysoldier @bxxerry
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aishangotome · 2 days ago
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Luke & Gilbert's Story of Reminiscence [The Day We Became a Fake Family] - Part 4
Part 3
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Gilbert: A wise eldest brother like you understands what the most appropriate choice is in this situation, right...?
At the table, conspicuous for its mountain of plates, tension arose between Jin, who sat next to Luke, and Gilbert, who sat opposite them with a meaningful smile.
Seeing this, Luke let out a languid sigh as if to dispel the heavy atmosphere.
Luke: Jin, I'm fine. I'm not being bullied. Though he is harassing me.
Gilbert: When did I harass you?
Luke: Don't play dumb.
Jin: ...............
Luke: But hey, thanks for worrying about me.
Jin, who had been looking alternately between his youngest brother and the calamity, eventually shrugged with a wry smile.
Jin: You're quite something, going toe-to-toe with Prince Gilbert like that.
Luke: Right?
Jin: Come to my place when we get back to the castle. I have to reward you for fulfilling such a big role.
Jin: Well then, I'll be taking my leave for now. I'll pay for this.
Gilbert: Oh? You're treating us?
Jin: Surely, Prince Gilbert, you understand what I'm trying to say.
Gilbert: Hehe, of course.
Gilbert: I won't do anything bad to your precious little brother. It's a holiday today, after all.
Jin: That's reassuring.
Jin stood up, patted Luke's head, and left.
Gilbert: He's a good older brother, isn't he?
Luke: ...Jin is.
Gilbert: Hey, Luke.
Suddenly, he pointed at the window, and Luke turned his head.
Luke: What? There's nothing there.
Gilbert: There is. Look, it's reflected in the window.
Gilbert: The face that says you're happy to see your brother.
Luke: ...!
Because it was nearing nighttime, the face reflected in the window was clear.
The relaxed expression on his face hardened as if remembering something.
Gilbert: No matter how much you deny it, you like this country now.
Luke: That's not...!
He swallowed his words as Gilbert placed his index finger in front of his lips.
Contrary to the oppressive atmosphere, his refreshing smile was gentle.
Gilbert: "Liking a country" is synonymous with "liking its people." Because a country is made up of its people.
Luke: ...............
Gilbert: This is troubling. Your target of revenge might be that overprotective brother of yours.
Luke: You...
Gilbert: Yes, that's right.
Gilbert: Hesitate, worry, struggle, and when you finally break free, swing your sword.
Unfazed by the anger in Luke's face, Gilbert once again cut the cake and brought it to his mouth.
It was the last bite.
Gilbert: But you mustn't ignore your own voice when that happens. You have to listen carefully to what your heart is screaming.
Luke: ...Was this whole "sightseeing" thing just to tell me that?
Gilbert: ............
Luke: Hey... have you ever hated someone from the bottom of your heart?
Gilbert: Of course, I have. I'm the same as you, after all.
Luke: The same?
Gilbert: My family was killed.
Perhaps it was an unexpected answer, as his verdant eyes widened.
Luke: ...I was going to tell you not to butt in if you've never hated anyone.
Gilbert: That's a shame.
Luke: Have you ever taken revenge?
Gilbert: I have. I killed them.
Gilbert: But I didn't feel anything.
Gilbert: Ah, so this is it... that was the end of it.
Luke: Weren't you... happy?
Gilbert: Not really. Because even if I kill that person, the dead don't come back to life.
Gilbert: Revenge, you see, is meaningless like that.
Luke: ................
Gilbert: That's why you worry so much, Luke.
Gilbert: It's fine to desperately try not to let the hatred within you disappear, but...
Gilbert: Don't lose the things you've come to like.
Luke: ...Mind your own business.
Gilbert: Ahaha, that's true. But I have a responsibility as a father, don't I?
Luke: You don't.
Gilbert: Luke, why do you think I didn't send you, a war orphan, to an institution?
Luke: ...I've never thought about it, but maybe because I was useful to you?
Gilbert: If that was the only reason, I might have sent you to an institution.
Luke: Then why?
Gilbert: Because you were just like me when I was a child.
Gilbert: If I had left you alone, you would have surely become like me.
Gilbert: A "calamity of the world" who can't kill enough, even after killing and killing and killing.
Luke: .............
Gilbert: My educational policy is only one thing.
Gilbert: Don't become the kind of person who can kill with a smile.
The man, who was once clad in blood and gunpowder, always smiling refreshingly, stood up quietly.
Gilbert: Hehe, thank you for the meal.
As Gilbert briskly headed for the exit, Luke cast his eyes down.
*flashback*
Luke: What's with that smug look?
Gilbert: I'm just glad.
Luke: About what?
Gilbert: Because you can still go back to being human.
Gilbert: As long as there are things you can like, it's proof that you can turn back, no matter how clouded your eyes become.
Luke: ...What do you mean?
Gilbert: Hehe, you don't need to understand.
Gilbert: Just keep making lots of "likes" at this rate, okay?
*flashback over*
Luke: ––...Are you already beyond saving?
Gilbert: Hm?
Luke shook his head at Gilbert, who had turned around, and stood up from his seat.
Luke: Come to think of it, I remembered there's a rose viewing spot nearby.
Gilbert: Oh? Will you show me?
Luke: ...Are you interested?
Gilbert: Of course.
Luke: Can't be helped then.
Luke scratched his head in annoyance and walked ahead of Gilbert.
Luke: I'll take you there.
Luke: You can probably learn to like it, can't you?
.
.
.
FIN
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worldly-fluster · 18 hours ago
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Snapdragon
Dragon!Sylus x Non-MC! Reader
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Part 1 of ?
*This will be Non-Canon BTW it starts with Dragon!Sylus and goes into normal Sylus*
Warnings: Blood, cussing...I think that's it lol
**non-mc but will be called MC because it's easier to write than (y/n) every time 👍**
-The Start of Something Normal-
-1st person POV- changes throughout**
Have you ever wondered if there was something...more?
Something other than going to a 9-5 and paying rent with all you earned, there must be something else.
At least I had my games right?
-
Today is weird.
Just weird.
Ever since I woke up from a weird dream, that I can't even remember, I've been randomly smelling flowers.
Checked the LADS game, flowers.
Got ready for work, flowers.
Delt with customers, flowers.
But I'm the only one smelling it?
Maybe it's the stress, I'll just have to take melatonin when I get home.
-
As I walked through the front door of my apartment, coming home after a long day at work, I was greeted by dark silence. I hate living alone...
I sighed as I placed my keys on the shelves by my door and threw my heavy jacket on top of them. I limped slightly into my living room/kitchen, my feet hurting from standing all day. When I reached the couch, my nose was assaulted by the smell of flowers once again causing me to groan.
"What the fuck... Bruh." I plopped down on the cheap leather futon with a weeze, reaching for the bottle of melatonin gummies I threw on there the other night.
Popping two into in my mouth, I grabbed the iPad next to the bottle and opened up the Love and Deepspace app.
I smiled when I saw Sylus show up immediately on the screen, my heart doing a badump as I sang quietly along to the intro.
Finally getting onto the game, I went to the daily login that I forgot to get this morning, ignoring Zayne standing there in his Panda onesie.
After completing the normal, I didn't know what to do, so I went to check the memories. Only then did I remember I never actually watched the new Dragon Sylus cards...
From what I heard about them it seemed traumatizing. But I guess if I had nothing else to do?...I'm gonna regret it aren't I.
The smell of flowers hit my nose again, even stronger than before, when I tapped the first one I saw called 'Abyssal Blossom'.
As the memory loads, the iPad glitches and shuts off. Maybe I forgot to charge it and it died? The smell of flowers is almost overwhelming, as if I'm standing in a field full of them.
I started feeling tired, so tired that I could hardly stand up so I decided to just sleep for a while on the futon. I fell asleep quickly.
-
This dream?...felt familiar...and too real.
The scent of the flowers made more sense here, the field looking familiar...oh its almost exactly like the flower field you can see in one of Sylus' Dragon cards.
What was the name of it again? Abyssal something...
Oh whatever, these flowers are nice. The scent kinda comforts me, almost like a mix of vanilla citrus? With a slight hint of herbal lavender I think... I don't know I'm bad with identifying stuff.
This dream is quite detailed though, the flowers, the dirt, the nice cool breeze and warm rays of sun on my skin...wait, what's that? Looks like something flying in the sky? A big bird maybe...it's coming closer? Oh shit, what the fuck-?!
The air was knocked out of my lungs as I was picked up and yoinked through the air.
"Are you here to try to kill me?"
I blinked up at the...man? Are we flying??
"No?"
I wheezed out my answer, it sounding more like a question in my shock as I clung onto him. The man? narrowed his eyes at me.
Are those red eyes? And horns? Why does he look like Sylus?? Wait, Dragon Sylus???
He seemed to search my face for something, his own relaxing a bit as he found what he was looking for.
"Then why are you in my territory?"
"I don't know, I just woke up here..."
"Woke up here? Who, in their right mind, would come into my territory for any reason?"
"I don't know...I just remember falling asleep at home and waking up in this field. It's beautiful by the way."
"Hm..."
"What should I call you? I'm MC."
"...Stayrus*" (Something that sounds similar lol)
"...How about Sylus?"
"Do what you want. It'll be up to me whether I answer or not."
"So...where are you taking me?"
"To my home, where I will be keeping an eye on you."
"Oh okay."
"Don't get any ideas human. I'm bored and I have been waiting for something interesting."
"I mean, I figured. No one just goes out and picks up a random stranger without being a little bored."
He grunts as he continues flying through the sky.
He brought me to a cave opening at the top of a deep canyon, he sat me down and lightly pushed me inside.
"You will be staying here until I say so."
"Alrighty. Any rules?"
"No...you are oddly okay with this."
"Well," I shrug, "it's either this or fend for myself in an unfamiliar place outside."
-
"Sylus?"
"..."
"Um...Stayraytus??"
"That was terrible."
"Sorry..."
"..." He sighs, "What is it?"
"So...I have zero survival skills...can you teach me how to survive here? Please?"
"...child."
"Yes...sorry."
-
It's been about a week since Sylus, yes he started answering to it, let me stay in his 'home'. He started teaching me some survival things, like how to find food, telling me to ask him first if the thing is edible. Other than that, it was...boring.
In my boredom, while Sylus lay on the cool cave floor surrounded by gold, I started stretching.
Touching my toes, bending to the side, balancing on one foot like a flamingo...you name it, I was trying to do it.
I was in the downward dog position when Sylus spoke.
"What are you doing?"
"...yoga?"
"...yugo."
"Pffft-" I couldn't help but laugh a bit, "it's Yo-gah."
"...why are you doing whatever that's called?"
"It's so my body doesn't get stiff."
"...how old are you?"
"23."
"..."
"...Don't you dare say it."
Sylus grunted as he went back to messing with his golden lamp thing.
After a bit of silence he spoke.
"I'm 27."
I looked up at him in a little surprise.
"Really? You look my age honestly."
"hm."
-
We were sitting by the entrance of the cave, watching the sunset, when Sylus broke the silence.
"Your hair..."
"What's wrong with my hair? Is there knots? I swear I got them all out earlier..."
"No, it's just different."
"What do you mean?"
"everyone I've ever seen had lighter hair...yours is darker. It's...pretty."
My face felt hot as I turned away from him.
"Oh, thank you...no one's said that about me before."
"Why not?"
I shrug.
"I'm sure that you get called pretty, beautiful, every time someone sees you, I mean, you're pretty attractive...I'm going to shut up now..."
There was a bit of silence until he spoke, looking over my face.
"No one has ever called me any of those things before..."
"Oh...well I still think you are. Those people are just blind."
"...Thank you."
I smile at him.
"Any time."
A comfortable silence settled over us but I couldn't take my eyes off of him if I tried. His hair looked so soft and fluffy...
"Hey Sylus?"
"Hm?"
"Can I...touch your hair?"
He looked questioningly at me, one of his brows raised.
"Why?"
"It looks so soft, but you don't need to say yes. I was just curious."
Sylus looked to the side, seeming to think for a moment before he looked down with a small smile, giving a small nod before he lay stretched out and placed his head on my lap, careful of his horns.
I let out an excited hum as I carefully ran my fingers through his hair, my nails slightly scratching his scalp. He grunted, not really used to this type of contact but...he thinks he can get used to this.
Sylus closed his eyes as he felt your hands work their way through his hair, around the base of his horns gently and lightly rubbing behind them in the hard to reach places. His chest felt warm, his heart fluttering as all he could think about were your hands, the warmth of your thighs...
He could definitely get used to this.
-
It seemed winter was fast approaching as the cave seemed to get colder, frost covering the edges of the entrance. I sat snuggled into Sylus' side.
"...What are you doing?"
"It's cold, it's called cuddling for warmth."
"... do as you wish."
His tail gently curled around us, pushing me just a bit closer.
"...it is getting colder out. We'll have to get you something warmer."
"Ah, don't worry about it. You're warm enough so I'll just have to stay right here."
Sylus grunted, his tail wrapping just a bit tighter. Just enough for me to notice.
-
The next day, Sylus was gone for a little while. I had to stay warm by my own makeshift fire, the dry sticks that were just by the edge of the cave entrance being my fuel.
While I waited for Sylus to get back I watched as the smoke went up through a small hole in the ceiling of the cave, wondering, how long have I been here? Where he could have gone? ...how much longer will I be allowed to stay?
After just a few more minutes, I heard the sound of his powerful wings as he landed at the entrance. He was holding a big bundle of... something.
He walked over to me and just, dumped what he was holding onto my head.
"Mph?!"
"This should work."
His tail moved the pile of burning sticks to the side before I could accidentally fall onto it with his gift still suffocating me.
Seeing me still struggling with it, he chuckled and plucked one blanket off my head letting me poke my head out of the pile.
"Guh! Why you do this?"
"English Sweetie."
"What is this?"
"Blankets, for warmth."
"...Thank you Sylus."
"Hm. Now scooch over, I'm cold."
"You're literally a walking furnace?"
"... I'm cold."
"Just say you wanna cuddle."
"...cuddle me."
-
As winter gave way to spring, the flowers started blooming again. The change in temperature seemed to make Sylus stir crazy.
I let out a squeal as his thick tail wrapped around my waist and pulled me along.
"Sylus! No!"
"Sylus yes."
"No!"
"Do you want to see the flowers or not?"
"...fine. But if you drop me, I will haunt you."
-
After a short flight, Sylus landed at the field of flowers he found me in. I looked around, having not had the chance to fully look around before being whisked away, when I saw something that made me gasp.
"Oh! Look, there are Snapdragon's!"
I moved towards them, Sylus staying close to my side.
"What? There aren't any other dragons here."
"No not actual dragons, Sy, they're a type of flower."
I move so he could see it better.
"This is a snapdragon!"
"That looks nothing like a dragon."
"It kinda does, see? This is it's eyes, nose, horns, and this!"
I push the sides of the flower together, making a small opening into the flower.
"Is it's mouth! Cool right?"
"... dragons don't open their mouth just because you touch their cheeks."
"These ones do. Try it! It's fun."
"Fine."
I watched as he moved his claws around the flower, actively trying not to damage it, but failing.
"Sylus you have to be gentle." I giggle as he accidentally crushes the flower between his claws.
"Here, use the pads of your fingers instead."
I hold his hands as I help him gently open the Snapdragon's mouth. His breath seemed to stutter as he let me guide his hands.
"There, you did it!"
"Hmm..."
In a small burst of confidence, I giggle and lift my hands to his face where I gently press on his cheeks.
"Good job!"
His eyes widen slightly and out of reflex, or shock, his mouth slightly opens.
"You know, you're my big Snapdragon."
-
After we made our way back to the cave, I had a thought.
"What if I end up going back some day?"
"Back where?"
"My home, like how I woke up here, will I one day wake up back home?"
Sylus seemed to stiffen a bit as he looked towards me, eyes searching my face.
"...do you want to go back home."
"I don't know, some days I miss home but most days I forget."
"I understand...what if you never go back?"
"Then I hope you'll let me stay?"
"I'll be here."
There is a long comfortable silence as we watch the sunset from the mouth of the cave once again. I took in a big breath of the freshest air I'll ever have and enjoy the moment.
"Sylus? Can you promise me something?"
"What is it?"
"If I do end up leaving somehow, I want you to find things that make you happy, not just surviving but living."
His tail flicks a bit behind us.
"...fine, as long as you promise the same."
-
A few days later we were at the flower field once again.
The sun set and we continued to sit amongst the flowers after a long day of lazing around. The stars slowly came out one by one.
While I watched the stars it reminded me of a song that gets stuck in my head.
"You and I stargazing...intertwining souls..."
I quietly sang, trying not to disturb the quiet night.
While I looked at the stars and the moon that hung beautifully, Sylus looked my way with a slightly raised brow, curious.
"What's that?
He whispered his question, his rough voice surprisingly soft.
I gave a small hum, still looking at the night sky.
"it's a song from my home... sitting here under the stars reminded me of it."
"Hm..."
"You know...the moon is very beautiful tonight."
"...yeah, it is."
He couldn't seem to look away from you, watching the moon and stars that reflected in your eyes.
-
I heard birds chirping as I slowly woke up from a comfortable sleep, feeling warm. I could smell flowers still. I tried to turn but a weight on my side stopped me.
I heard a deep grunt as the weight tightened around me and pulled me closer. A second weight being added onto my legs, seeming to curl around and in between them.
I groggily opened my eyes to be met with a familiar shiny red jewel, just barely grazing my nose. I moved my hands up from their place by my stomach up to the jewel. I leaned my face into the jewel and snuggled closer.
I could feel a soft rumbling coming from the dragon I was cuddled to, having realized it was him from the warmth he gave me.
"It seems we fell asleep..."
His voice was deep from sleep, his clawed hands pulling me closer. The scent of flowers being drowned out by his smell. Scent like a bonfire and leather.
"We're still in the field?"
"Yeah...I didn't want to wake you."
I felt his warm breath on the top of my head, taking in my own scent.
He...he's definitely used to this. He never wants to let you go. You gave him a warmth he thought he would never receive, showed him care and treated him not as the monster everyone screams he is. With you, he's not a Fiend. He's Sylus, your Snapdragon.
-**
It was only a few moments...
That's all it took.
One second, you both were walking through the field towards home when there was a sharp sound. Sylus reacted almost immediately, dodging the claymore that sliced into the dirt where he was just seconds ago.
He barely let out a breathe before the assailant attacked again. He dodged once more before he heard.
"Sylus! Help!"
His head snapped towards the direction of your voice. What he saw made his blood boil. You were being pinned to the ground by a big burly, ugly, man.
"I got you!"
In his moment of distraction, the one attacking him hit him with something like magic. Golden chains wrapped around him, pinning him down. He heard a laugh as a woman walked into his sight, she was a sorceress and she had an overconfident smirk on her face.
"Time to face your fate, Fiend!" She laughed out, "honestly, I thought you were stronger than that. How disappointing."
"Fate?! What fate?!"
Sylus heard you struggling, making him start to struggle as well so he can get you out of here.
"Now now," the sorceress tutted towards him, then turned towards you, "His fate is to die by my claymore. Simple."
"That's his fate?! Bullshit!"
"You can't change fate-"
"Like fuck I will!"
You cut her off, just as you knocked the large man off of you with a quick kick to the groin. When you were free you threw yourself between her and Sylus.
"Just watch me."
You smirked as you watched her eyes widen and she took a step back.
"MC! No!"
Sylus struggled with the golden chains of magic holding him down.
"Don't worry Snapdragon...I got this."
"Stop! This is not-"
"Too late, already did."
-**
I grunt as the claymore goes through my chest, I can feel the intense pain for only a moment before it seems to disappear. The claymore is lodged in my chest, a ringing going through my ears. Sylus' eyes widen as it feels all the air is taken from his lungs when he sees the end of the claymore exit your back.
"MC!"
"Hahaha! Now what are you going to do Fiend?!"
"I'm going to fucking kill you!"
I heard a growl and the sound of something breaking but my mind goes a little fuzzy as a fight rages on, roars of anger and grunts reach my ears along with the sounds of a blade and claws. I could faintly hear the sound of tearing flesh.
All I could do was stare at the claymore still embedded in my chest, my hands too shaky and weak to pull it.
For a moment I thought the last things I would hear was the fight until-
"MC-"
Sylus slides over to me, his bloodied claws gently holding me. His wounds are already healing over as his panicked eyes look me over.
"MC, she's gone, you don't have to worry now. I got you."
"Sy..."
"Shit..." His voice grew hoarse, his eyes and hands shaking slightly as he tried to figure out a way to help. He seemed to find an idea as his brow set in determination.
"We need to resonate, my healing could help you but we need to resonate, now."
I nod slightly and he grabs my hand gently with one of his as his other gently tries to remove the claymore. I could feel his claws shake a little as he closed his eyes but I didn't want to close my eyes yet. I didn't want it to be the last time I did, so I watched as his power and a power I didn't know I had, connected. When I concentrate I can feel his anger, his fear, and something else I couldn't place. I watched as the claymore fell out of sight, his now free hand coming up to cup my face.
He leaned closer, our foreheads lightly touching.
I could almost feel my flesh mend, but the pain was numb to me as I kept my eyes on his face. I saw his brows furrow, his lips thin in what looks like pain-our shared pain, his eyes stayed closed in concentration.
After a moment more, I felt complete. I let out a sigh as the resonation slowly disappeared, my eyes fluttering closed a moment before I fixed them onto him. I watched as his eyes slowly opened, his nose grazing mine as his eyes locked on mine.
"You aren't going anywhere. Not without me. We live together and we die together. Only you can kill me, and I you."
There is a slight glow to his eyes and the gem in his chest as he stares into my eyes, into my soul.
"Sylus-"
"You're stuck with me. Who else will teach me about your home?"
I shake my head with a giggle.
"What would I do without my Snapdragon?"
"Hm..."
"I'd probably die."
He glared at me for even joking about it, his hand gripping mine a little harder. The hand on my cheek pressed against me, forcing my forehead to press onto his a little more.
"Even if I wasn't here, I would do everything to make sure you stay by me."
"That doesn't even make sense." I laugh.
"You know what I mean." He smiles as you bring a hand to his face, rubbing your thumb of his cheek to get some dirt off. He leaned into your touch, his eyes full of warmth as he continued to stare into your eyes.
After a moment I pull away and stand, Sylus standing as well. I look around at the now destroyed field, a pang of sadness hits my heart...
As both of us take in the aftermath, an oddly familiar scent hits my nose...when suddenly my body starts to glow slightly.
"Wait, Sylus what's happening?"
"I don't know, come here."
This feeling I get from the soft glow feels familiar...my eyes widen when I realize, the smell...
"Sylus!"
"MC?!"
We reach out to each other but the moment his clawed hand touches my hand, a bright light shines and I'm gone.
-**
Nothing is left of her as the light completely disappates
"MC?!"
Sylus turns this way and that, wanting- needing to see just a glimpse of her. His tail whipping around wildly as he floats around in a panic, clawed hands reaching for something, anything.
"MC!...Where..."
Sylus stops for a moment, slowly landing on the cold ground beneath him before collapsing to his knees.
He throws his head back as he lets out the most broken yell that could be heard for miles.
He looked to the side when he ran out of breath, his chest heaving as he let out a whimper. He saw that claymore, laying coldly on the dirt. Your blood still covered it, your scent still on it...
A few tears fell from his eyes as he reached out and gripped the handle. He pulled it towards him, curling around it slightly on the ground.
He lay there for what felt like forever to him, in the very flower field he met you...the flowers mostly crushed by the ambush of the sorceress that was sent to kill him with this very claymore.
When he finally had the energy to move, he went back to your shared cave, claymore in hand. Seeing the entrance made his flight stutter, knowing you won't be there to welcome him home...
He landed at the opening, he stepped heavily inside.
He saw your pile of blankets, the small fire pit you built, the little trinkets you collected from his horde that he let you have...
He stabbed the claymore into his old sleeping place then made his way towards the small stream that runs through the edge of the cave. He used the water from the steam to clean the blood off of him, yours, his, that damned sorceress...
After he was cleaned and dried off with the cloth you used to use, he made his way to your pile of blankets.
Sylus collapsed into them, burying himself in your scent, a wine leaving his throat as he held tightly onto what was left of you.
The dragon is lost without his master...
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lastoneout · 1 day ago
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Also another more recent one here!
While wider studies are needed, it does feel really insidious that stimulant medication is misunderstood, demonized, and so strictly regulated that most of us have had to go without for days or weeks at a time sometimes multiple times a year or even EVERY MONTH, and in some places it's almost impossible to actually access at all while the truth is that it is quite literally life-saving medical care for those of us who need it.
I've left the stove on three separate times when unmedicated and I was VERY lucky that none of them resulted in carbon monoxide poisoning or me burning my house down. I've also nearly electrocuted myself or walked into traffic, being off my meds legit feels like all my senses are dulled, I'm far clumsier which leads to injury, forget important things like if I've taken my other meds, meds that if I go off of suddenly or take too much of can cause severe health problems. I've heard horror stories of how hard it is to even just drive safely with unmedicated ADHD and most people don't even realize how unsafe it is until they've gone on meds and learned what normal driving is for a neurotypical person. And the list goes on. Hell, being unmedicated can even lead to losing our jobs, housing, or access to food and support systems, and makes it way harder to keep your house clean, all of which also lead to an increased risk of injury, illness, and death. I've missed rent more times than I can count, racked up credit card debt, had my utilities shut off, all because I just can't fucking remember to pay bills on time without my meds, I've missed fucking black mold in my shower, accidentally eaten food out of date, gotten way too drunk without realizing it, it's a nightmare, it really is.
I really just hate thinking about how many people with ADHD have likely died or been seriously injured or suffered due to simple mistakes that they never would have made if they were properly medicated, and it makes me so angry that ADHD treatment is so hard to get almost entirely based on bullshit scaremongering about addiction. In fact being medicated puts ADHDers at LESS of a risk of turning to alcohol and drugs to make our lives manageable, and it's nearly impossible for someone with ADHD to get addicted to a stimulant medication anyway.
(Not that addicts deserve what happens to them, they need help and support as well, everyone deserves human rights and to have their needs met, this just is a completely fabricated problem when it comes to ADHD and it's normalization is legit killing us. My mom has also nearly died due to not being medicated and she to go through like four different licensed psychatrists until she found one who would actually prescribe ritalin for her, the rest all cited risk of addiction as a reason to deny her even though they should fucking know that isn't a legit concern. One even said she just "didn't want to be held responsible" for her patients forming addictions to ADHD meds. I wonder how she'd feel if she was held responsible for all the suffering her desperation to keep her hands clean has almost certainly caused.)
And tbh I'd also rather a million people get high off adderall than have even one person with ADHD miss out on medical care that can save their life because disabled people shouldn't have to suffer to make up for shit we basically can't do. Why should someone else abusing adderall mean I have to risk my life and go without. Make it make sense.
It is actually way better for 100 addicts to get their fix on pain pills than a single person in pain go without. I call this the "Torture is bad" principle. You should be able to get the good stuff forever after a single doctor's visit. If you're worried about addicts fund rehab centers and needle exchanges instead of torturing people.
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forestgreenlesbian · 10 months ago
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#feel like my relationship with my younger brother is changed completely forever not to be dramatic lol but i am sad#we used to b very close but he has kind of. found his faith again and gone full missionary christian which like. i knew meant the dynamic#was doomed lmao but actually acknowledging it makes me sad i feel like i'm grieving for the friendship we used to have even though#it is literally a me problem i think from his perspective he doesn't think anything has changed. but i feel weird about everything#also his new gf is nineteen and he is. almost 25 and i am the only one who feels weird about it like i know she's over 18 but! idk i can't#tell if i'm being overly cautious or if my gut instinct is right. my sister & her husband have a similar age gap but they met when they wer#both over 30 so like. it didn't feel weird. and i didn't feel comfortable actually seriously talking to him about it apart from the first#time he mentioned her over facetime (he went to another country to do mission stuff & met her there) so like an idiot i've just been#making jokes about the age gap becausee like. thats always been our thing lightly bullying each other lol but he blew up at me and said#i've had nothing positive to say about her since he's been back home and that he thinks i hate her and i'm out of line for constantly#implying he's creepy for dating someone younger. idk i felt like such a freak idiot horrible person about it. it completely blindsided me#bc yes the jokes were coming from a place of idk how i feel about this situation so i'm going to rely on the humour-based communication#we have always fallen back on as a safety thing but i guess i was wrong or the dynamic shifted or something anyway it's all fucked#& everyone is just telling me i feel weird out of some?? misplaced kind of jealousy thing?? because i'm 'losing' my brother to his gf lol#which does not feel right at all he has dated so many other girls and i have never had a problem it is literally the age gap like i haven't#even met this girl i'm sure she's very nice! i just worry about her being nineteen!! jesus. and yes maybe i do feel some resentment around#a brother younger than me who seems to be able to live his life with zero difficulty whilst i'm stuck being this unemployed loser who ruins#literally ever friendship & relationship ive ever had but i think thats ok right like i can't help feeling that. i don't fucking knowwww#am i just projecting all these sad feelings about our friendship dying onto his new relationship or like. am i right to be genuinely#concerned she's six years younger than him and still a fucking teenager!!!!!! i don't know
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dragoninahumancostume · 2 months ago
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My favorite part of being alive is that I've never felt welcome in any space except for that one year when I thought I was a non-binary bisexual asexual girl when I was 13 :)
#Before that I was a weird kid whose only source for human communication instructions was the shows on CN Nickelodeon and Disney XD/Channel#And even though I had friends I never felt loved enough#And AFTER that I realized I was more of a trans guy and that I don't trust women enough to know if I could be in love with one but that#maybe I like men but I can't know for sure because I have the bad habit of falling for any guy who pays attention to me for long enough#And I haven't felt included in queer spaces ever since I realized I wasn't any sort of girl because people in here seem to hate men a little#too much for me to feel safe being anything but a gnc emo girl#And not even getting started on being gay cause people on online spaces that I'm around often act like “girls and the gays!!” as if I'm#effeminate and flamboyant just for my sexuality when truly I'm heavily uncomfortable doing anything deemed as girly#vent post#And even the thought that I MIGHT be a straight trans guy makes me feel horrible cause so many queer people seem to hate straight people#Like hi did you forget that this place is supposed to make people feel safe and respected and proud of being themselves#Oooh and don't forget the autism! Cause I get why people complain about the diagnosis being only for cis white boys but like#I've literally never seen that. Ever. I'm not saying it doesn't happen I'm just saying that it's much harder for me to find any sort of#online diagnosis tool for someone who's not an adult or a parent or a cis woman than it is for me to find any for a girl#Like seriously man#And how I feel like I'm a horrible person for not having g empathy. DUDE I HAVE MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES THAT I'VE NEVER BEEN ABLE TO KNOW ABOUT#like chill I'm not automatically a murderer and rapist and toxic and manipulative just cause I can't put myself in someone else's shoes#I'm just a guy who hardly feels alive or human. Of course I'm not going to reel very much about a stranger when i feel like I'm not supposed#to be this person in this place in this body in this mind. I don't feel like I'm here I don't feel like this is me and I don't feel like I#can care about other people and I don't know why but I'd really appreciate it if I could get yk some support instead of feeling like I#deserve death#anyway i'm normal
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yuunnikko · 6 months ago
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Saying Goodbye to My Mask event on project sekai may have been a premonition of having my own mental health tank to the same level as Mafuyu's because well. Let's just say. The depression. (⁠.⁠ ⁠❛⁠ ⁠ᴗ⁠ ⁠❛⁠.⁠)
#miko talking#well. even though i try to get help it feels like my parents sabotage me more#the only comfort is realizing my feelings and wondering about it#frankly i dont like acknowledging them bc then i feel like im not playing up to the role everyone expects of me but#i want to express it in my stuff but I've been losing my will to keep drawing and writing and i guess#this is what depression is like. i just never expected to find myself actually going through it#i thought i left that era of havingthe worst time of my life but i feel like these past few years#are definitely my most worst#i think thats one thing games like pjsk has me realizing#and why i find comfort in n25#because to me they feel like pieces of me that have been written down#idk why im ranting lol??? i just want to be honest with how i feel but i end up going back to trying to be a people pleaser#ewwwww. i hate this. in truth i dont like people all that much. neither do i like making new friends#it's crazy because I'm always saying sure! when someone asks even though i know I'm not going to feel anything from it#sorry..... but I don't care enough anymore.... maybe one day i will#but right now not really..... at least at the moment.#these friendships with followers are in truth just parasociality and i dont want it after what happened the first time#especially with how two-faced/double standards people are like#people are the worst ^^ i wish the world was a kinder place for everyone but i dont know how much longer i can keep up with this#if only people minded their own business. im not someone to be babied by people who think they know better.#what a pain (⁠◕⁠ᴗ⁠◕⁠✿⁠)
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icewindandboringhorror · 2 years ago
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Very generic “”gothy” character in a children’s cartoon” type look just out of curiosity, seeing if I had enough stuff to put together a full outfit from a box of old clothes lol. I didn’t have an actual main shirt though, so it’s just a plain tank top with cat shape cut out of paper and safety pinned onto the front 
#Though not calling anyone generic if this is your style or something. I don't mean it in a bad way. I just mean like.. all of the steretypic#al elements are there. The choker thing. the 'fishnet shirt under a tank top' . the 'carefully placed slightly askew studded belt' etc.#the skirt + some form of patterned specially striped tights + platform boots combo. etc. Like from a character design standpoint#These are the elements usually present in a show when they want to portray 'this caracter is slightly edgy and alternative'#just missing like.. hair with straight across bangs in pigtails that's black with a few colored streaks in it. OR just like shoulder length#shaggy hair that's also streaky and has a sidebang. and like.. one lip piercing or something ghhjbjh.. dark eyeliner#black nailpolish. I'm not painting my nails just for one uoutfit though. I actually used to wear nailpolish more but I just hate the smell#so much now. I can't see how I ever was able to bear it. I think maybe because usually I had some bigger spaces with ventalation. I guess#I could paint them outside maybe. Still#It's still hard to beleive some poeple will like. full on#get their nails done on a constant basis. get hair done. etc.etc. Not even just becuase of the money but like. the sensory experience seems#ovwerhelming. I only have been to a hair salon like twice in my life and both times I HATED  a person touching me. and having to like lay my#head back and get it rinsed. etc. I went to a nail slon literally once because someone else wanted to go and I happened to be with them#and the smell was bad to me and also I did not like them touching me even if it was just my hands. Also I've never had fake nails#and didn't want them so when I went in I just got them plainly painted a plain color with nothing special andit's just like.. I could have#done that myself for free lol.. I get going to a place with special tools and equipment if you want something complicated but like..#why pay to have your plain nails plainly painted in a plain way#Hair thing if more bothersome though like. Maybe strangers can touch my hands i guess but like. letting someone near my head and face.#automatic bad reflex. Like an animal protecting it's belly or something. I think amplified by the fact that not only is a stranger touching#you but also there's like. so much. stuff. wet feeling on hair and then the feeling of hands and then so many smells and then other poeple#being there too. etc. etc. Though since my hair is so long now I have been curious every once in a while to like.. go into a place and get#an estimate. Not to go through with it actually but just like. hey if I theoretically wanted  you to bleach my very dark extremely thick hai#r that is all the way to my fingertips. and make it like white.how much would that cost and how long would it take. I feel like it would tak#e froever and be very expensive since it'd probably use up a lot of product. I barely even keep up with coloring my own hair at home anymore#because it's always such a process. Instead of one thing of dye I need literally like 4 lol. etc.#Or maybe it'd be cheaper because they'd have bulk items instead of buying single package. But still. the man hours probably. cost of labor.#ANYWAY khjk... Another fun look just to be silly. Not really my style but it's all just playing dress up
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tardis--dreams · 1 year ago
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Girl you gotta write your term paper and not cry about your poor life choices
#tw eating issues#seriously idk how much detail I'll go into but i had a full blown relapse of my eating disorder i thought I had overcome and i gotta cry#about it now so you've been warned#i didn't think it could get this bad again#I've been having ups and downs over the past 4 years and I've definitely had phases where i felt like I've relapsed more or less#but it was never as bad as it used to be#so now this is annoying#i avoided thinking about it the past few weeks telling myself it was fine even though i knew what I'm doing is stupid as hell#but yeah i guess crying about it isn't gonna solve anything either. i know exactly what helped me overcome it in the first place#and i know exactly why i couldn't get over it for so long. and unfortunately I'm currently in exactly that state of mind that doesn't want#to let me let go of it. i hate it. i hate myself for letting it come to this. i hate myself for everything I've done the past few weeks#i hate that i don't know what to do because one part of me just clings on to the obsession while the other part of me is just tired of my#shit. i don't know how to get myself out of it. it all might get better once I'm back home because food won't be as much of a problem there#I'm torn between not eating anything at all or obsessively calculating my calories and trying to get rid of every single one i consume by#running until my feet are bleeding and i just. don't. know. how. to. stop. it.#maybe deleting the three new food and exercise diary apps would be a start... but how do i delete these dumb arbitrary rules from my head#idk. i can't go home because of this obviously. i won't. but i don't want my remaining 3 months be consumed by obsessive thoughts and#self destructive behaviors either. i don't know#it's my fault so idk why I'm crying- i could at least wait until my term paper is done lmao#wasting precious time here#void screams#tbd probably
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unproduciblesmackdown · 2 years ago
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that moment when: everyone's lives are restricted and constricted and these imposed consequences are attributed to anyone's continual individual failures to seek, find, and follow the Correct Path through Life, and so everyone is left on their own to only be seeking & finding these failures as well as the only answer to how their lives can be better....versus Not seeing the world as the free marketplace meritocracy of everyone's personal failures/successes, nor everything in your own life, and thus not forever having to scrutinize Where You Must Be Bringing It Upon Yourself by fucking up or at least failing to do the correct thing, and exist only in perpetual punishment for your ongoing failure and occasional temporary reprieves from it. recognizing everything that wasn't & isn't & wouldn't be [this is because you're bringing it upon yourself] and thus having more capacity & capability to look at the realm of your personal individual self, reality, experiences, life through the perpetual instances of seeking, finding, and following your own needs/wants through one's inherent personhood and exercises of autonomy and recognition of where & when & how one recognizes moments of their existing freely & in more resonant genuine alignment with themself, you know? endless examples to be found in endless fractals of [where & how are people's lives made smaller]. and that of course this doesn't preclude the ability/option at any time to question one's choices, since you'll be able to find more Actual choices available to you (and, also crucially, find more actual choices made by others that are in the pursuit of limiting Yours) to look at, and people getting to exercise their autonomy isn't the same as "everyone doing anything they want regardless of how it affects others" since that [how does it affect others?] element instead being Regarded would be able to lead to recognizing that, in fact, an effect might be the infringement on others' autonomy, hence: There's A Problem....like the ability to just go ham with [questioning???] anything in existence, certainly including oneself, b/c the "norm" is such that rather you're only supposed to be able to question yourself for your failings (or those positioned as less than, thus, beneath you) and not even have the language to express a questioning of aspects of life beyond that b/c stop calling anyone "cis" they're just Normal, Just Be Normal and it would all be fine
#brought to you by: i think one of my feelings lately of A Shift is in my less than ever running this like continuous background function of#looking for Thee Answer (just like the black suits) in any & everything that could serve as the Key to like. whatever could fit into place#to like set things on a [hell yeah. life? better] path. juxtaposing this recent sense of things with the [lol. in retrospect i Do see a new#context wherein i can Recognize smthing abt myself] past going on of like. granpa greentext story be me be fifteen i'm in college b/c i hat#school i also mostly assumed i'd probably fail out freshman yr but didn't. i've never known what i'd wanna major in & as a sophomore i'm de#supposed to figure it out in time for scheduling my jr yr classes (though Ideally have known from the start / been scheduling thusly) & so#many evenings during dinner i'm furiously perusing the daily print news as i've been doing for some yrs to Keep Up W/Current Events but now#also consciously like ''boy i hope in the course of doing this i stumble across some info that sparks some eureka moment of Getting what my#major should Obviously be so i can understand the rest of my life around [do job] b/c i sure as hell don't understand it around [be married#much less [be parent] so one option remains obvi'' whereas now i realize like lol you Were figuring out a guiding light in doing so & that#perspective being honed was one of Having A Political Analysis times....which also provides another Example of [only being able to interpre#what makes your life & your world the way it is: via Your Personal Failures to have already Had Better] in that just like i often forget i#misguidedly (but also reasonably; clearly also using & seeking that autonomy & freedom) tried to have a better existence within the#situation i was in by Coming Out As Trans to parents via an email that was then not directly discussed ever; b/c any legitimate discussion#was not permissible like how so many matters of [supposed correct existence] are Unspeakable so as to be Unquestionable#languaging that succeeds & sustains itself having to be expansive / flexible / creative / evolving too. Making Up Words hell yes#anyways so i also forget i Did try to propose majoring in things that Did more approach what i was suspecting were things i'd wanna do#but even the first like expression of anything on the periphery of that was met with ''no you'd hate it b/c you'd have to deal w/Stupid Ppl#every day'' (by which was meant; with believed inherent synonymity: poor people) & then i also will oft forget i pushed for it any further#which i Know i did b/c of it next being met with angry & aggressive ''i've never heard you talk abt that interest before So''#(wonder why? withholding info to protect yourself=finding room in one's life for existing more freely; exercising the autonomy to Do That)#but it's easy to forget b/c The All Encompassing Perspective was rather [i'm sure Failing to just Know my major for the sole possibility fo#defining one's entire life: The Correct Dream Job] & then Failing to push it or just express it & be understood ''correctly'' even if i Did#have any ideas in that realm. vs seeing how i Was succeeding & was recognizing shit & pursuing it & looking out for myself & etccc#it's undeniable lol like the framing even that Blaming Oneself is an autonomy seeking response. b/c your autonomous power in your own life#sure Would be more immediate if Everything Really Was Your Fault (when ofc really this is abt obscuring & denying the responsibility of ppl#who have the power over others' lives & then have to act like this is all the fault of the Others; they themselves have never Truly Chosen)#no victim blaming no condemnation of anyone's ''passivity'' here babey#re: the undeniability it's how like. maybe you've only Just realized you're not cis but in doing so it's like ''oh That's what i already#recognizing in various ways throughout my whole life'' it's all always Been there/going on & perspex shifts + new lenses can reveal them
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shikai-the-storyteller · 1 month ago
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Sorry to everyone who's ever spoken to me on RA because I was just looking at an email for work and a DM for RA and realized I'm using the same professional tone for both.
#i talk#sideblog shenanigans#It's not necessarily a BAD thing but#It's too serious for a frickin Tumblr sideblog#I had this problem with GHQ too o(-( I am incapable of not running a large sideblog like I would a professional social media account#90% of the time anyways#I think it can sometimes come across as a “teacher tone” too#Which reminds me – funny story time#I was working on a project with some of my younger coworkers (including the youngest / newest one)#And I kept having to rephrase things for them so they understood that no; I'm not giving them extra work to do; I'm taking care of things#and then the thought of ''Oh my gosh. They think I'm giving them homework'' suddenly hit me and I was like [SCREAMS]#All of them came from crappy job backgrounds so I'm constantly reassuring them that no we don't do that here and yes I WILL help with stuff#''Girl I've been there go take a damn break and let me take care of this''#job talk#I think it was mostly because I was talking about all these ideas and they thought they were going to have to do it even though I was like#''Ok I'm giving myself a deadline to send it to you by ___ so keep an eye out for that!''#I dunno man. The workplace trauma for all of us runs deep#This place is by no means perfect (DEFINITELY not perfect. Many issues)#But it's still better than any other place I've worked at#Even if I hate one coworker he's never in the office and the rest of my team is great#Pay sucks though and I am still looking for a new job because of that#o(-(#Anyways this whole thing was prompted by something I'm posting for RA tomorrow to boost the cool VOD Archive the community did
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neverendingford · 3 months ago
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#tag talk#fetlife feels like sex facebook and I kinda hate it#it also feels overwhelmingly heterosexual but maybe I'm just looking in the wrong places#idk. I haven't felt like actually having sex anyway so I guess it doesn't matter now does it?#it all feels just kinda pointless right now#whoops that's the depression talking. cause right now everything feels pointless and sad#anyway waugh everything is bad and we're all going to die#I just have to remember this is a cycle and I'll get through it#some day I'll be manic and happy and excited and crazy again and it'll be beautiful and I'll be happy#but I have to make it through this hard part first#it'll all get better again. it has before and it will again#I've been hella productive even though I've been depressed though.#got halfway through a good scifi book. folded laundry. watched a fun movie with a friend. changed my bedsheets. I'm showered.#I kinda wanna cut my hair short#I miss being a cute boy.#it's wild that it feels my gender has shifted like a grinding stone monolith turns mechanically#I feel gears grinding inside and I have no idea what is happening#I don't control it I don't understand it I just feel the effects as buttons push themselves inside my ribcage#do you feel like you know who you are? can you predict what you will be like tomorrow? Who you will be?#I can't. I never could. all I know is that I will be a different person tomorrow than I am today. I will lose the ability to predict.#I have learned to roll with the punches but I shouldn't have to dodge punches at all#I shouldn't be beaten up at all#idk. whatever. fuck you I guess. whoever you are. I hope you're happier in life than I am right now
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voids-ideas · 10 months ago
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Ok I am going to do this simply because the first thing I will put here I NEED to do it and I have 0 motivation to do it even though it is EXTREMELY important
In fact, I think that's the reason why I don't want to do it... anyway
If this gets to 30 notes, I do that thing ✅️
50 notes, I call to ask if my doctor's appointment has been scheduled (I've been avoiding it for two weeks now) ✅️
100 notes, I go wash my shoes that have long needed washing and are just sitting there, existing, waiting for me to deign to wash them. ✅️
200 notes, I finish organizing my room (I organized it halfway and then left a bunch of things that still don't have a defined place) ✅️
500 notes, I use the things I have to bleach and color my hair. The only thing that has stopped me is the fear of doing it wrong or being too lazy to maintain it. ✅️
1k notes, I stop doing things that I know will trigger my chronic pain with the pure intention of confirming that the pain was indeed real (don't do this. 0 recommended) ✅️
5k notes, I try some new food without fear of wasting money by buying something I most likely won't like (my autism hates new foods) ✅️
10k notes, I wear my bi flag earrings in front of someone I wouldn't usually wear them with. I trust that they possibly wouldn't have a problem with me being bi, but I would never get up the courage to tell them anything ✔️ (I haven't, but that person was in my room next to where the earrings are. They were 0% hidden) ✅️
20k notes, wtf I have absolutely no idea. If it comes to this, ehhh... Honestly, I have no idea what I'm doing here. Do I promise to be honest in therapy and stop telling them that everything is perfect even though nothing has ever been perfect? Yeah, that probably works. Please don't go this far, I don't know how to do this. Maybe I should... but... it would be awful to learn it
April 2024: I stop procrastinating editing this post with the things I've already done. I WANT THE HAIR SO MUCH BUT IT'S SO DIFFICULT
May 2024: Red hair, red hair, red hair. I'M CROWLEY, RED HAIR!!!!!
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motorsportbarbie13 · 8 days ago
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A Package Deal - Part 3
In which things are made official.
Warnings: smut in the middle. lando being jealous. Pairing: Lando x SingleMom!Reader Word Count: 4.6k words
(a note: happy new year loves!!! hope you enjoy part three!!)
- A Package Deal - A Package Deal - Part 2 - Master List
yourusername (private) posted
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yourusername testing testing... BFFSarah so jealous! >>>yourusername miss you! ❤️ landonorris stalker >>>yourusername 😘 >>>BFFSarah 👀
"I'm funnier than Greg, right?" Lando grumbles, not even bothering to take his eyes off of you.
"Mate, what?" Oscar replies, eyes narrowed, totally mystified as to what the hell his teammate is talking about. "Like, Greg, the guy on the strategy team Greg?"
"Yeah, him." Lando raises his chin towards where you stand opposite of said strategy Greg, laughing (even louder this time) at something he's said. Lando knuckles go white on the counter he's standing when Greg leans in just a bit too close for his comfort.
It was the first day of testing in Bahrain and Lando had just come in from his first test stint of the 2025 season. When he'd walked into the garage a few minutes earlier, he'd instantly clocked where you stood near the back of the garage staring up at a few computer monitors beside his newest nemesis, Greg. At first he hadn't thought anything of it but then he heard you laugh, a sound that was quickly becoming one of his favorite things, and he had stopped what he was doing to stare.
"I don't think I know Greg's sense of humor well enough to be the judge of that." Oscar responds, still confused as to why Lando was asking him such a random question. When Oscar follows Lando's line of sight though, everything clicks into place and starts to make a lot more sense.
"Oh..." He mutters, unable to quell the smirk that surfaces.
"'Oh' what?" Lando snaps, still attempting to assassinate Greg with a glare.
"You're jealous." Oscar practically giggles. He might be the quieter one of the driver duo, but that quiet demeanor meant that he noticed a lot more than other people gave him credit for and Oscar had caught onto Lando's crush after the first time he had stumbled into your office and disappeared on him for hours.
Lando finally tears his eyes away from where you're standing, still staring up in rapt attention to Greg. "I most certainly am not." He huffs, crossing his arms over his chest in a move that is very reminiscent of a Stella temper tantrum.
"You two aren't even together, are you?" Oscar reasons, doing next to nothing to reassure Lando that he has nothing to be worried about.
Lando narrows his eyes at the Australian as he fights a pout. "I mean, no. Not technically, I guess."
And that was the problem, wasn't it? You two had been on a few dates and he'd been coming over to your house to hang with you and Stella more and more but a serious discussion of what was happening? He'd been too scared to have that kind of talk with you so quick. You made him nervous but being rejected by you sounded even worse.
"Maybe you should like, talk to her about it then? If that's what you want? I mean, I've never seen the sight of a girl talking to someone else send you into orbit like this before. You really like her, don't you?"
Oscar had worked hard to keep his opinion of you and Lando together to himself. He hated when people commented on his relationship with Lily, which was a big reason why they were so quiet together, so he had made it a point not to press when it came to you. He'd spent most of the morning with you though, while Lando was in the car and he could see why Lando was so attached to you already. You were wicked smart and the program that you had been writing for the team was impressive. He knew there were other people in Lando's life that didn't think the driver could handle being with someone like you but the more Oscar got to know you, the more he could see why you two got on so well.
Lando's gaze slides back to you then. "I do, yeah." He murmurs, a sudden sense of determination settling over him. Before he has the chance to chicken out once again, he pats Oscar on the back and starts off towards where you and Greg are still huddled together in front of a computer screen.
"Greg, can I steal her away from you real quick?" Lando says by way of greeting, his tone needlessly possessive. "Will and I wanted to go through last sessions data with you before lunch." He lies.
You hadn't noticed the way Lando had been staring daggers at you and Greg up until that very moment but the feral look he's giving you takes you by surprise. Greg had approached you as Lando's session had wound down and your new program was stretching its legs on your laptop. He wanted to talk about the inputs you were adding in for this year and give you some feedback on the initial data capture of this morning's session. It was totally innocent and when Lando had slid up next to you practically breathing fire, you had been a bit caught off guard.
"I'll see you at the cocktail party later tonight, Greg." You give him a smile before turning back to Lando. "Where do you want to go, the debrief room?"
"Sure." Lando huffs, giving Greg a fake smile before grabbing your elbow and leading you towards an empty conference room. Like hell you were going to see Gregory at any point for the rest of the day.
You're totally confused at the way he's practically dragging you down the hallway and even more perplexed when Lando nearly slams the door closed behind him and you find the debrief room completely empty. "Where's Will?"
"What?" Lando frowns.
"You said you and Will wanted to go over some data after your session." Annoyance moves through you. What in the world was going on?
"Oh, yeah no. I lied." Lando glares at you like you're the insane one, frown deepening.
"Lando!" You sputter, resisting the urge to chuck the nearest laptop at his head. "I was in the middle of a conversation with Greg."
When he rolls his eyes, you swear you see red. "Yeah, I know. We all saw how endlessly entertaining the conversation was."
The pout that finds it's way onto his face is what unlocks everything for you though. Sudden understanding washes over you as it all finally clicks.
"You're jealous!" You gasp, desperately trying not to burst into a fit of giggles.
Lando at least as the decency to look a bit ashamed of his behavior but attempts to deny it. "I am not."
You arch an eyebrow at the man standing across from you as if he's not the easiest book in the world to read. "Lando Norris, you were jealous of a man who was telling me all about how his boyfriend took him on a trip to the Bahamas over the holidays and got bitten by a wild swimming pig."
The way Lando's cheeks go scarlet as he crosses his arms over his chest nearly has you doubled over with laughter.
"Oh."
"Oh is right, you muppet." You chuckle, using the term of endearment he's become famous for. In a few strides, your within arms length of him, tugging at the waist of his half unzipped race suit. Lando takes a step forward as you pull him closer.
"Jealously looks good on you, Norris." You smirk before giving him a quick peck on the cheek, mindful of the fact that you're still at work.
Lando settles his hands on your hips, drawing you even closer to him, seemingly forgetting that he's still at work. He grins down at you, a flirty glint sparking in his eyes.
"Yeah, well. What can I say? The sight of some idiot flirting with my girlfriend kind of set me off."
Your hands slip around Lando's waist. Heart hammering so fast you're amazed Lando can't hear it, you beam up at him. You'd never experienced the kind of contentment and safety you felt whenever you were with Lando before. He frequently caught you off balance like this and had you feeling like you were a teenager again, still believing in fairy tales and happy endings.
"Girlfriend, huh?"
"That's right." He whispers. The rasp in his voice has you pressing your hips into his, seeking friction from his body.
"Well, since I'm your girlfriend then I guess you’ll be needing this for later tonight." Reaching into the back pocket of your jeans, your fingers find the thin plastic card you'd stashed there to slip into Lando's hand sometime this afternoon.
Anticipation sparks between your bodies as Lando figures out what you've just pressed into his palm. All this time he'd been building up this big conversation that he thought had to be had and nervously putting so much pressure on himself to do this all the right way. It had only taken a matter of seconds though and you had reminded him that it like most everything that happened between you and him, this was easy too. There's a silent understanding that passes between you two then that maybe this was how it was supposed to be from the beginning and that sometimes wires get crossed and we meet people later than the universe intended.
"I have to get back to work and you should really find Will and actually debrief but I think I'd like to skip tonights cocktail hour if that's okay with you."
Lando reluctantly lets go and nods, swallowing around the thick lump of emotion stuck in his throat.
"Yeah." He croaks before reaching back out to bring your face to his, kissing you so intensely your knees buckle. "I'll see you tonight."
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Not even five minutes after Lando responds to your text, you hear the beeping of the lock to your hotel room door and it swings open moments later. Anxiety flows through you despite the flirty text you'd just sent. This kind of thing was totally out of your wheel house, with most of your adult life spent focusing on your daughter and not dating. It had been Sarah's suggestion to send that risky text but after your conversation with Lando earlier, you were briefly confident that it would be well received. And judging by his response, you were right. That didn't do much to calm your nerves though so the knock on your door sends the butterflies in your belly flying around in what feels like a category five tornado.
"Are you trying to kill me?" Lando groans when he sees you kneeling on the bed waiting for him. Every thought tumbles straight out of his head at the sight of you waiting for him in nothing but black bits of lace. If he had known this was what had been waiting for him all night, he certainly wouldn't have gone to dinner with some of the team.
"You like it then?" You ask, barely resisting the urge to dive under the covers you feel so exposed under his gaze. Lando can't stop staring and it's starting to make you nervous, the way he's dragging his eyes up and down your body without making an attempt to move from where he stands just inside your hotel room.
"Like it? Baby, are you fucking kidding me? I don't think I've ever seen a prettier sight in my entire life." The rasp in his voice drags down your skin like sandpaper.
"Then stop staring and get over here."
Lando obeys immediately, toeing off his shoes before joining you on the bed. His hands find your hips and before you can make a sound, he's pulling you into his lap and attaching his lips to your neck.
"I think everyone got the impression I was about to be sick or something, I got up from that table so fucking fast." He mumbles against you. "Also, give me some warning next time you're going to send me that kind of thing, Osc nearly got an eye full of something that is for my eyes only."
Lando had been attempting to show Oscar something on his phone when your text had come through and the moment he'd swapped over to his iMessage app he was glad that Andrea had picked that exact second to call Oscar's name. He had shut down the message app so fast, all of his blood rushing straight from his head to below his belt.
"Oops." You giggle. "Sorry."
"You're not one bit sorry, don't lie."
All you do is shrug as you preen under his attention. He eyes drag lazy lines up and down your body, stalling when they fall on the black lace barely hiding your most intimate parts. The heat of his gaze has fire stoking deep in your belly and for the first time in years, you feel desired and wanted. It's an unfamiliar feeling that you're still getting used to but with Lando, it feels safe. You feel cared for and it's unlike anything you've ever experienced with anyone you've slept with before. Which, to be totally honest, wasn't a lot. You haven't been in a serious relationship since Stella's dad, the only dates you've gone on in the last six years usually ending in casual flings that don't end up meaning much outside of the bedroom.
This though? This feels different and you know Lando feels the same.
Lando's hands grip at your hips as he moves you off his lap briefly and stands up. Your eyes nearly roll back into your head when he unbuckles his belt with one hand, tugging it off in one smooth motion, the leather slapping against itself and echoing throughout the otherwise silent room. 
“Jesus.” You breathe and desperately try to catch your breath as he reaches for the hem of his shirt. You've known that Lando has a sinfully good body for a while, his entire career is centered around his body afterall so naturally, he is in amazing shape. There’s a reason that women will do next to anything to get any of the drivers in their bed. Nothing prepared you for the hard planes of his chest and the insane cut of his abs though. The way his waist nips in to show off a deep V cut of his torso makes your mouth water. With both his jeans and shirt now discarded, he stands in front of you in just a pair of gray boxers that do absolutely nothing to hide how rock hard he is.
Fuck. 
Before you can stop yourself, you rise up on your knees and move towards him, needing to get your hands on his body. On your knees before him while he’s standing, you only come up to his collar bones but that’s enough. You drop kisses on his heated flesh and relish the way his breath hitches in his throat when your lips make contact. He allows you to continue kissing him for several moments, his hands roaming all over your body. You don’t know how long it is but after his hands have taken full a full tour of your skin, he pulls back and looks at you with a primal glint in his eyes. “Lay down." He orders "I need my tongue on you. Now.” 
You obey and crawl back, watching him prowl after you. Your head rests on the pile of pillows as he covers you with his body and suddenly, the insecurity and anxiety from earlier flashes through your mind. You've never been with anyone who seemed to want to do anything but fuck you and then be done with it. This reverence for your body is completely foreign and the reality of what is about to happen crashes through the haze of lust that clouds your mind.
You must stiffen a bit because a frown appears on Lando's face as his arms cage you in and he hovers over you. “Baby?” 
You shake your head, refusing to let your insecurity ruin the night. Your eyes close and you take a deep breath to steady yourself.
“I’m fine.” You whisper but Lando doesn’t believe you. He drops back onto his knees and straddles you, drawing back so he can see your entire face. 
“What’s wrong? We don’t have to do this tonight if you’re not ready.” 
Your face heats, but from embarrassment this time. Fuck. You do not want to ruin this.
“No. It’s okay. I just…I’m just not used to this kind of attention.” You don’t tell him how your're used to being used for your body, for whatever pleasure your partner can get out of me and nothing more. You don’t tell him how insecure it makes you to think that he could do the same thing to you too, despite how safe and good he makes you feel no matter what. Sometimes, habits are hard to break. Especially habits that are born out of trauma. You can't tell him any of that though because you think it might break his heart. 
Lando tilts his head and seemingly understands what you're saying. “I don’t know what the fuck the guys in your life were thinking, having you in their bed and not treating you properly, but baby, I am not them. This is not about me, this is about you.” His fingers trace long, lazy lines from your shoulder down over your bra and continue down your body as you shudder with pleasure.
“That’s it." He coos. "I know you’re scared but I swear to you, you are safe with me.” His voice is barely a whisper but you can hear the sincerity in it. Your heart thunders in your chest as you hover between wanting to stop and throwing every bit of caution away and allowing him to do whatever he wants to you. 
“I know I am. I always have been.” You hum.
“Do you want to stop? You just have to say the word and we will. This is yours to control.” 
Your eyes search his for any trace of anger and when you find nothing but honesty in his face, you shake your head. “Please don’t stop.”
You desperately do not want him to stop. 
Once he’s sure you're okay, he crashes his mouth on yours once again and you melt into him. His body is so heavy on top of you but it feels oh so good. You never want it to end. You never want tonight to end. Lando presses kisses into your skin all down your body, starting at your jaw, moving slowly downwards. Kisses on that dip between your neck and shoulders, lower to your sternum, even lower to just above where your bra still sits. He stops then and snakes a hand behind you, lifting you up momentarily, and unclasps the back with surprising ease.
“Okay, that was way too easy for you.” You accuse, laughter bubbling up as he tosses the bra across the room. 
His eyes find yours and he shrugs casually, “What?” He feigns innocence, “Lucky first try?” 
“Oh, whatever. Get back to work.” You order, laughter teasing at the edge of your voice. 
Lando shakes his head again, dropping his head back where he had left off and turns his attention to one of your nipples, taking it fully in his mouth. You inhale a sharp breath at the sensation coursing through you. It feels like your skin is on fire, all leading down to a single throb between your legs. He hums in satisfaction when your back arches off the bed. A moan escapes your lips when he scrapes his teeth against the sensitive skin, the pain sends a jolt of electricity straight to your core. After what feels like an eternity, he turns his attention to the other nipple, already pebbled and hard, aching for the same attention. Your mind goes blank as you focus on the jolts of electricity coursing through your body. Your hands tangle in his curls, gripping at the tangles of brown hair, needing something to latch onto. 
“Lan.” His name is a whispered prayer on your lips. 
“Fuck. Baby.” He comes up for air briefly to look at you again and you almost can’t stand to look at him, he looks so good. His lips are swollen from kissing you for so long and he's got this heavy lidded, lustful hazy gaze in his eyes that you've never seen from him before.
“You taste so good.” He rasps before shifting back up to land kisses on your lips. You're so focused on what his lips are doing that you completely miss his fingers digging into your hips. You let out a startled cry when the sound of ripping fabric cuts through the breathy sighs that have filled the room. 
“Lando!” You whine, “I liked those!” You look at the torn bits of black lace that he’s dropped next to him on the bed and sigh dramatically.
“They were in my way. I’ll buy you fifty more tomorrow.” Without waiting for a response, his hand dips down towards your pussy and anticipation climbs in you. You gasp when he sinks not one, but two fingers into the heat between your legs.  Your entire body aches off the bed towards his hand. “Christ. Baby. You are fucking soaked for me, aren’t you?” 
It’s all you can do to just nod an affirmation as he swirls his fingers in achingly slow circles. His thick fingers inch closer to your clit but manage to avoid it and you know he’s doing it on purpose. You wiggle your hips in search of that friction you crave so badly but every time you get close, he moves his fingers out of the way. By the fourth time this happens, you're a whimpering mess underneath him and Lando is clearly enjoying it. “Lando.” You whimper. “Touch me.” 
“I am touching you.” He drops another hot kiss on your jaw and traces his tongue down your neck. You swear you're going to explode from the sensations coursing through your body. 
“You know exactly what I fucking mean.” You snap and move your hips again, only to find his fingers just short of the destination you want them in yet again. 
An evil chuckle tickles your skin. “I like you like this. A pretty little mess underneath me. My girl is so wet for me, isn’t she?” 
His girl. The emotions crash through you at his words and every other thought beyond those two words leaves your brain. 
His girl. 
His girl. 
Your brain chants the all consuming phrase. 
Just when you think you can’t take it any more and you feel that familiar tug at the base of your spine and Lando finally gives you what you've been aching for. The pad of his thumb brushes against your clit and your hips fly off the bed towards his fingers. A cry escapes your lips as you claw at his back. He keeps up the same pace and you can feel yourself barreling towards a delicious release.
“Please. Don’t. Stop.” You pant, breath coming in short gasps as you rock your hips against his hand. Thankfully, he keeps his hand exactly where it is and allows you to grind against it, knowing that this is exactly what you need from him. His lips come down on yours again and when he sucks your bottom lip into his mouth, you fly over the cliff.
Sweet release shatters your entire body and you stiffen against him. Your nails dig into his back, leaving little half moons embedded in his flesh. He’ll have red welts there for days and he couldn’t be happier about it. You don’t know how many times you cry out his name but he keeps completely still, allowing you to get the relief that you desperately need against him. 
When your orgasm subsides, you practically melt into the bed, mind too muddled with pleasure to talk. You open your eyes and grin lazily at Lando, who has shifted so he’s lying next to you on the bed. He’s grinning right back and tracing shiver-inducing lines up and down your naked skin.
“Fuck. Lando. That…” You are completely lost for words so it takes you a moment to form a complete sentence, “That was the first time anyones been able to make me come with just their fingers.” 
“Well, I’m glad I could be your first.” He smirks, dropping a kiss on your temple as he pulls you closer to him.
You turn to face him and you're struck at how handsome he is. His curly hair is messy from when you pulled at it while he was getting you off, his eyes glassy with satisfaction even though he hasn’t even come himself yet. He seems to get off just watching you and that is a completely foreign concept.
You reach out and feel the light stubble that covers his jaw, enjoying the rough feel against your fingers. You idly wonder what that stubble would feel like against your thighs and decide that you're just going to have to find out exactly what it feels like soon. That one single thought sends heat flooding through your veins once again and you're surprised. You've never considered myself to be one of those girls that could go several rounds. Usually you were finished after one orgasm, most of the time it was faked anyway. But with Lando laying next to you, you feel like you could do this for the rest of the night. A mischievous grin slips across your face as you reach over and push him back into the pillows.
Before you allow yourself to think about what you're doing, you straddle him and relish in the feeling of his dick that is now nudging against your ass. “I think I need you inside me now.” You tell him and squeal when his pupils blow and he flips you onto your back without warning. 
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Hours later, you fall into such a deep sleep you don't notice Lando slip out of bed to get a drink of water from the bathroom. You'd spent the better part of the evening underneath him as he gradually worked you over so good you had lost count of how many times he had made you come.
The mattress dips when he joins you back in bed and Lando is surprised to find that he doesn't want to leave you. Up until meeting you, Lando had been more of a one night stand, never sleep over, kind of person when it came to sex. Getting back into bed with you and pulling you close so he could fall asleep with you tucked next to him was something he never thought he'd want but now that he had it, he knew he'd never be able to live without it again.
When Lando pulls you towards him, you stir a bit, enjoying the way the heat of his body warms your naked skin. You're so fucked out from everything Lando did to your body, your brain is a little sluggish but you turn into him, burying your head deep into his chest.
"You left me." You whine sleepily.
Lando slots his leg between yours, hitching your top leg up over his waist. "I'm sorry, baby." He whispers against your hair. "I needed a drink but I'm not going anywhere."
"I thought you left." In your sleepy haze, the words you probably would've tamped down slip out. "Please don't leave me."
Lando knows you're more than half asleep and probably don't realize what you're saying but something in your words has him feeling you don't just mean for the night. "I'm not going anywhere, sweet girl. Not ever." He whispers, listening to the soft cooing sound you make in response before you drift right back off to sleep.
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writersrkive · 18 days ago
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Don't shut up | Spencer Reid
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summary: Spencer is used to people who constantly tell him to shut up, but somehow, he feels even more embarrassed and sad when he thinks you want him to stop talking after looking at the tired and confused expression you have when he's trying to help you. The thing is you hate when people do that to Spence and would spend years just listening to his voice.
genre: fluff
pairing: Early seasons!Spencer Reid x bau!reader
warnings: mentions of the team shutting Spencer down. Derek and JJ being a little mean to him when he's spreading information. Spencer being a cutie potato. Mention of a stomachache and its causes (mention of miscarriage as one of the causes, but nothing happens). Reader not being a native english speaker, but just a slight mention.
a/n: Dr. Spencer Reid is a genius.... I am not. I literally had to search for information and copy-paste here in some parts, so if there's misinformation, it's Google's fault, lmao. I wrote this yesterday when I was about to sleep, so I'm sorry if something is wrong with the writing (even though I already edited). English isn't my first language, please be kind <3.
Masterlist Spanish ver. On Wattpad (coming soon)
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Spencer and you arrived early that morning. He hated being late for anything. He couldn't afford to be late if he wanted to stick as closely as possible to his assigned schedule, especially because he took public transport. On the other hand, you had no choice but to arrive early when you woke up at four in the morning thanks to a severe stomachache and couldn't go back to sleep.
That's how your conversation started. Your genius workmate was surprised to see you, first hour in the morning, when he walked in the office, even before Hotch arrived.
“Are you feeling better?” He asked, furrowing his eyebrows. You couldn't deny that the expression was too cute for your own good.
“Yeah… I think so. It's not even the stomach ache that bothers me, it's the fact that even if I was sleepy, I couldn't fall asleep again. You know? That happens to me a lot. Once I open my eyes, I can't go back to sleep. I've also been feeling mildly unwell for a week, but even though the medication is controlling it, it doesn't stop."
At this point, he already set up his desk, leaving his briefcase on his own chair to walk over to you and sit at your desk, next to the chair you were sitting in, to listen to you attentively and answer.
“The brain works with different phases of sleep: light sleep, deep sleep, and REM sleep. The cycle usually restarts every eighty to one hundred minutes, and we typically have four to six cycles each night.”
Hotch came out of the elevator and walked upstairs after both of you waved at him, and he let out a soft “good morning”. Emily arrived a few seconds later. You greeted her too, as she took place on her desk, but that didn't stop your conversation.
“So, it's completely normal that we wake up in the middle of the night because of that process, but if it is frequent, for three months or more, it may be a symptom of insomnia.”
Your view went to the floor, and your head nodded in a semi-unconscious movement, because although you knew that your sleep cycle was ruined by work, you had not come to that conclusion, maybe that was it.
“Now, the stomachache…” He said, taking one pen from your pencil case to concentrate. He usually never took other people's belongings or shared his own stuff because of the germs, but somehow, after a few years of working together, he had come to have a good amount of closeness with you to borrow some stuff from you. Months ago, it hadn't gone unnoticed by Penelope that Spencer had a box full of pens reserved for you, in case you needed one, nor the fact that he denied JJ one of them once, when the blonde girl needed something to write with quickly.
“The causes can be the most common, such as gas, indigestion, a muscle injury, or stress. Although there are also more serious causes: gastrointestinal infections, inflammatory bowel disease, irritable bowel syndrome, ectopic pregnancy or miscarriage..."
“Wow, what are you trying to do? Scare her?” Derek's voice invaded the place and Emily smirked.
“What? No, I'm just saying the possibilities…” Spencer whispered, looking down, a little worried that he might actually scared the person he cared more, besides his mom.
“It's okay.” You answer loud enough so your friends and coworkers would hear. “Thanks, Spence. I already went to the doctor, so I have none of… those.” I gave him a little smile. “But about stress…” The sentence hung in the air, so Spencer looked up and continued speaking automatically.
“Stress can cause stomach pain because the autonomic nervous system of the gastrointestinal tract reacts to the same hormones and neurotransmitters as the brain. This is because the digestive system is connected to the nervous system, and the enteric nervous system, which is located in the digestive system, is able to send and receive impulses and assimilate emotions.” He started to talk faster.
Your focus on the genius boy and his explanation was sincere, but maybe it was the fact that you didn't rest well, plus the fact that he was speaking too fast and not vocalizing all the syllables, that for a moment your brain didn't process what he was saying.
It was weird. At some point you didn't even hear words, just sounds from his mouth. That didn't happen to you for a really long time because you already had experience with the native speakers, even if english wasn't your mother language. The exhausting feeling of not being able to sleep well was definitely to blame.
While your brain was coming to that conclusion, Spencer could only see your furrowed brow, tense jaw, tilted head, and dissociated look.
“You want me to shut up, right?” That whisper was enough for you to come back to reality. His cheeks were red and his eyes looked a little sad, not to mention the way his mouth formed a line like whenever he felt awkward.
“Yes, please!” Derek answered instead, leaning back in his seat and looking up with his arms outstretched as if he'd had to deal with seven unsubs in the five minutes he'd been there, listening from his place to the information Spencer was giving you.
“Little genius boy got excited… again.” JJ said, looking at some documents in front of her, opening her eyes wide in an expression of tiredness and disinterest.
The young profiler stood up from your desk thinking about returning to his chair, a little embarrassed, but you took his pinky with yours —that way you wouldn't make him feel uncomfortable in case he wasn't in the mood for physical touch, something he refused unless it was you. Again, another special treat—. “Wait. It wasn't like that.” Hazel eyes looked at you intently, still with a bit of doubt. “I'm sorry Spencer. Yes, you got excited, but that's not something bad.”
“It isn't?” He questioned.
“No, but you started to speak fast, and the fact that there are some words that I have a hard time processing in English and I couldn't quite catch what you were saying because I didn't sleep enough, well, that distracted me. Would you mind repeating it again, slower?” This time, you were the one with warm cheeks.
“Oh. Are you sure you don't want me to shut up?” The boy was actually intrigued and a little surprised.
“Why would I want that?” The fact that your teammates often shut Spencer up when he tried to share extra information, or information that he had been asked about, was something you had noticed from the moment you started working with the team. You thought that was rude. You understood that sometimes Spencer got excited, gave information that was perhaps better saved for another time since you were investigating a case, or people could be tired and want silence, but the team either silenced him or made fun of him most of the time. Plus, there weren't many other things you liked more than hearing his voice.
The sweet, soothing tone of his words helped you sleep on the jet after a long case, or made you want to hear more about whatever he was talking about. Feeling like he was sharing with you, a mere mortal, some of the vast knowledge he had was nice.
“I'm always happy to hear whatever you need to say, even if it's about something I don't understand. And, right now, you are helping me a lot, so, please, don't shut up.” The crimson color returned to the tall boy's face, this time not because he was uncomfortable. Your kind and somewhat complicit smile made his heart race, like almost every time he was with you. Spencer knew that no matter how tired he got, he would never shut up if you wanted him to keep talking.
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