#i hate that all my conclusions are this kid is super lost and lonely

[fishy-xp]

Macau Theerapanyakul - a character study (pt.3)

a deeper dive into our favourite mafia darling

*bangs pots and pans* that’s right, two Macau character studies in one day and it’s Episode 7 time bitches

I have finished discussing Ep 2 in my first character study and though there are mentions of Macau by Vegas and Tankhun later, I might save that for when I read the novel because I know Tankhun and Macau’s relationship towards each other are interconnected more so in the novel. 

Also Macau appears for like five seconds in Ep 6 and someone already summed up my thoughts here. Therefore, we will move onto the big daddy - my darling favourite Episode 7 aka Macau Content Goldmine

Macau’s first appearance in this episode is by his lonesome at the large banquet table, with empty seats on either side of him. Sure, maybe they saved Vegas a seat because they know Macau wants to sit next to his favourite family member, but what is the reason for there being two empty seats? Macau is so obviously isolated from the bodyguards, who are all engaged in their own conversations that Macau has to reach over to ask for something. And it’s not like it’s an ‘out of respect for our young master thing’ since Gun is seen sitting with the bodyguards and chatting along with them. Macau also stands out in his school uniform, a blaring reminder that he is a child with a massive age difference from the bodyguards and the rest of his family. And who else is wearing a uniform and know they don’t fit in at this current moment? The major family bodyguards, but even they have each other. Macau has no one. 

Macau greets the three bodyguards as well, showing that he is respectful. Maybe Vegas told him to be on his best behaviour because he’s scheming or maybe Macau just hated being in the main family compound in Ep 2 and that contributed to his bad mood and bratty attitude during the pond scene, whilst in reality, he is mild mannered and respectful. Either way, the framing of the conversation between Porsche and Vegas during this banquet scene is reminscent of another frame, namely when Vegas shows up at the club and Pete is initially in focus before it blurs him out to focus on Porsche. This exact framing is mirrored here where Macau is in focus when Vegas greets him but that focus is quickly shifted to Porsche. It indicates that whilst Macau (and Pete) are still in view, they are momentarily pushed aside because Vegas is focused on Porsche. Even though Macau is not in focus, we can still see his reactions. The first thing is that Macau is not doing anything. He’s not eating, he’s not talking, he is simply sitting there as though he is waiting for something. The second thing is that Macau keeps sneaking glances over to Porsche, or more correctly, over to Vegas, before looking away and sighing. Put two and two together, and it becomes quite apparent Macau is waiting to speak to his brother. Why? Because he has no one else. When they gather like this, Vegas is likely the only one who talks to Macau, asks him how his day is, what happened at school and everything else under the sun. But now, with his older brother’s attention on someone else for the time being, his one companion is preoccupied and Macau can’t do anything other than sit and wait until the adults are done talking. 

Everything about Macau in this scene is set up to show how lonely and isolated he is and why he feels the need to seek attention. Sure, at home, he feels more comfortable but this does not erase any of the isolation or loneliness he feels. 

Moving onto the next Macau scene, I could be wrong but when Macau catches Porsche getting on the bike, I think he says ‘Hey P/Phi’ (Thai honorific for older people), which further indicates that Macau, to a degree, respects Porsche. Macau is still in his school uniform here which reinforces that there is a age difference between them and also that he is a child. Furthermore, I think Macau’s apology is genuine. But I also do think Vegas did tell him to apologise for evil plot reasons based on the little nod of acknowledge as they walk past each other and Macau would not have apologised if Vegas didn’t tell him too. But since Macau was put into a position where he had to in order to help Vegas, the apology became genuine because as I mentioned in pt.1 Macau did look guilty about Porsche being choked unconscious. During his apology, Macau is both making eye contact, which communicates his sincerity, but also looks down at the ground, suggesting his guilt and shame. Also the clown light-hearted music stops as soon as Macau apologises, signalling that this is not a heeheehaha moment and that Macau is being serious. He also doesn’t just say sorry, which could have easily been done if he was faking it for Vegas. Instead, he takes pauses, his blinking speeds up just prior to his apology as if he’s thinking it through and repeating what he has to say, he stutters and wets his lips. We know from Ep 9 if Macau wanted to fake an emotion, he would do it seamlessly, he lies so easily to Pete and puts on this mask of enthusiasm, but that doesn’t happen here. Here, Macau shows real emotions, this isn’t practiced nor is it a performance. He wants to apologise because he is emotionally burdened by what his actions has resulted in and this kicks in all his nervous giveaways. Vegas also watches him from a distance, waiting until he’s done rather than being right there to play up Macau’s apology as ‘ohmygod look at my bro being so nice and kind’, because even after, he straight up tells Porsche that he had to tell Macau to apologise. He knows his brother is a good person, he wants to keep him that way so he doesn’t turn out like himself, he looks proud of Macau for owning up and taking responsibility. 

Most importantly, is the way Macau repeatedly touches Porsche on the arm and on the shoulder in this scene. Macau seems to learn this from his brother who is very touchy and I think he interprets this as a sign of intimacy, as Vegas does the exact same pat to him once he finishes apologising, a literal pat on the back side of arm/shoulder lol. Both families, but especially the minor family, lie and use words to manipulate, mansplain and manwhore their way around the mafia world, so where words cannot be trusted, it is actions and touch that depict their true feelings and emotions (as evidenced by KP whenever they fuck ahem, make love as an apology, as whatever happened in Ep 4 etc etc.) so Macau’s touches are his attempts at communicating that he is being sincere. 

Macau is a good kid. He is just a little a lot lonely. 

P.S. I hope what we see is Macau parallelling Vegas’ actions in a lot of ways but for good. I hope he becomes everything Vegas couldn’t be because of the abuse, the competition and the toxicity of the entire mafia life. Macau becomes a happier Vegas under the guise and protection of Vegas because at the very least, it’s what he deserves and Vegas would do anything to see his brother smile. 

My boy deserves all the validating shoulder pats.  

[Part 1, Part 2, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7]

[missnight0wl]

Since the topic of Ismelda came up and no one ever talks about her 🙈😅 I feel like JC doesn't know what to do with her (?). Like they didn't know what to do with Tulip so she appeared less and less, only like a cameo, there was the Cook Off but that tlsq came and went, and she was the least memorable character in there.

But Ismelda is weird cause they seem like they want to include her but don't know how? They can't decide whether she's getting nicer or is still the same old Ismelda. If she's over Barnaby or not. If she's Merula's friend or not.

One of the SQ that most gives me this feeling is The Quibbler - that no one talks about it ever, but I loved that tlsq - in which we see her doing something half understandable (a werewolf in school is dangerous and Dumbledore is an idiot), half unacceptable (especially because it's Chiara we're talking about).

But the thing is, we see her hanging out with a different pair of kids every scene like little henchmen, which is already unlike her, but also several of them were Gryffindors, and it's so OoC.

And I also didn't entirely understand her purpose here. Was it for the money? The pleasure of screwing over Dumbledore? Screwing over the werewolf? It was a really bad thing she almost did and I don't get how JC wants us to view her, because then we get her really friendly in other tlsqs of the same year, which returns with my theory of they're confused about what to do with her.

(Sorry this is stupidly long).

No worries about it being long! In return, you’re getting a pretty long answer. Apologies in advance because I’m gonna be very critical about “The Quibbler” TLSQ as it’s one of my least favourite quests, and I believe that Ismelda is not even its biggest problem.

But first things first. It’s probably just my nit-picking, but I still want to talk about it. I wouldn’t really compare the situations between Tulip and Ismelda. I believe that the main reason why Tulip was moved to the side is her strong connection to the main story. It was revealed by Matt London that her wand is a hand-me-down from her grandmother who attended Mahoutokoro, her parents work at the Ministry (where R might have bigger or smaller influence), there was the whole thing with her friendship with Merula, and Matt London just seemed to be fond of her in general. The problem is that Jam City got lost with their main story at some point. I believe that some of the elements I mentioned about Tulip might still be important, but I think that the problem is not necessarily that Jam City doesn’t know what to do with Tulip – they don’t know what to do with the main story. And Tulip suffers because of that.

I mean, look at Tulip in Y4. She had her whole investigation on Rakepick and the Cursed Vault which led her from House-Elves to Hogsmeade. Then, it was just dropped like a hot potato. Sure, there might be an in-game explanation for that: she was silenced by Rakepick. I mean, there’s no way Patricia didn’t learn about her investigation, and if she was discovering things faster than MC was supposed to, then Rakepick might’ve done something with it. It’s more likely, though, that JC started getting confused with the main story. Too bad that all notes they have on Tulip when it comes to future plans are about that. Anyway, the end result is kind of the same: that they don’t know what to do with Tulip. But as I said, I’m nit-picking.

Now, the situation with Ismelda is very different, in my opinion, because I don’t think she has much direct connection to the main story at all. What I mean by that is that she’s not really interested in the Cursed Vaults, for example. I believe that she joined Merula mainly because she wanted to belong. I don’t know, she just never really showed that she might care about the treasure or even the search itself. Because of that, the writers could work on her just as a character: someone who’s not exactly MC’s friend, but also is not as antagonistic as Merula. And that’s good! But ultimately, I suppose that Ismelda became a victim of the major change in the writing team by the end of Y5.

I talked about it a bit in my analysis on how MC was supposed to use Crucio on Rakepick, perhaps you recall. Either way, I strongly believe that there was some big change around that time. It even can be seen in our recent discussion about Rowan and Barnaby: how the writers seemingly don’t remember that Rowan tutored Barnaby for years etc. And I suppose it’s just the same with Ismelda. Notice how at the beginning of Y6, MC doesn’t remember at all that Ismelda is not that bad. We also totally abandoned the conflict between Ismelda and Merula. It’s not exactly that they grew apart because in Y6Ch13, there’s a scene where we learn that Ismelda still spies for Merula, for example. On the other hand, Merula hangs out with Ben suspiciously often – and Ismelda seemingly doesn’t have any reaction to that. Their relationship is still weird like that in Y7, actually. But what happened with Ismelda’s jealousy from Y5?

Now, the thing with her crush on Barnaby actually seems pretty realistic to me personally. I mean, as someone who used to have a big crush on their friend, I have to say – it’s not that easy to simply say: “Oh, I’m over with that!”, but also you want to be over with that, so it just ends up being very confusing. Of course, it could be as well the case of inconsistent writing, too, but that one thing doesn’t bother me much.

Moving to “The Quibbler” TLSQ, though… I don’t want to sound dismissive or anything, but I honestly don’t think there’s any point in trying to understand Ismelda’s motivation there or what the writers wanted us to think – and that’s simply because I doubt that its creator put much thought into it at all, to begin with. And the most problematic part of it is actually Chiara.

First of all, Chiara was super OoC in this quest. We know from the main story that she likes Divination very much, she’s very serious about it, she even believes Trelawney is a real Seer. There are even parts in Divination classes where she enjoys reading The Quibbler. But here, she suddenly laughs at the magazine? Why? Her strong scepticism makes absolutely no sense! Sure, you could argue that this story change her perspective on Divination and all of that, but the problem is that there’s no such conclusion in this quest. At any point, Chiara didn’t say: “Perhaps I shouldn’t make fun of The Quibbler after all” or anything like that. So, I’m sorry, but I just can’t accept this explanation.

Secondly, Chiara wanted to win money for the ingredients for Wolfsbane Potion, right? And we even had this scene:

But then, as soon as Chiara gets money, she’s all happy that she’ll be able to get ingredients in time. So… Chiara needed only money to get ingredients? So, the quest basically implies that DUMBLEDORE DIDN’T WANT TO GIVE CHIARA MONEY FOR INGREDIENTS? I mean, if Chiara needed only money to be sure that she’ll make it in time, what exactly was stopping Dumbledore from getting the ingredients from the same source?

I’m sorry, but it’s so bullshit. You can say a lot about Dumbledore, but he wouldn’t refuse to give Chiara money in a situation like that. You also can’t tell me that he didn’t have money. And even if you want to believe that Albus would be a scumbag like that, we saw in the “Lone Wolf” TLSQ that Snape cares about Chiara a lot, so he would give her money. Hell, Snape would buy the ingredients himself, brew the Potion and deliver it to Chiara.

The way I see it, someone really wanted to put Chiara in this quest for some reason, but they knew it doesn’t exactly make sense – so they needed a scapegoat. Sadly, Ismelda was the easiest to turn into a bad guy of the story. Honestly, I don’t think that the writer of this quest was thinking anything about how we’re gonna view Ismelda. They just needed to distract the players. I hate to say it, but it’s kind of an equivalent of Merula’s sad backstory. Just in this case, it was rather: “Let’s not care about writing a logical side quest. Let’s make everyone worried about precious cinnamon roll Chiara instead”.

I’m sorry if these statements sound a bit too strong, but I’m really annoyed thinking about how many people were hating on Ismelda after this quest while I didn’t see much on how little sense this story made in general. And truth be told, this whole situation kind of made me dislike Chiara…

Overall, I hope that “The Quibbler” TLSQ was an exception when it comes to Ismelda’s character. I assume that her role will still be somewhere between [MC’s friend] and [Merula]. I mean, I believe that that’s how she is usually (“The Quibbler” TLSQ aside). That being said, I also expect that Jam City is not gonna remember all of the past stories, so I suppose that Ismelda will never be truly consistent.

I have no idea if I addressed your concerns properly. I hope I did. If not, as always, feel free to ask for clarification.

[musicallisto]

🍨Vanilla milkshake please! And congrats girl! That's so awesome!

For Narnia please!

Always thought I was a IxFJ but someone typed me as recently as a INFP and I'm still shook over it cause that might be it?

Im super duper shy but extremely bubbly and energetic when I do talk. I'm get like super passionate about things and excited about everything and accidently get too loud sometimes. Or, when it comes to school and work I dont talk at all. I can be super Type A though. Queen of researching things before going places/doing things. Really bad with starting conversations and thinking of things to say. Super innocent. I'm annoyingly empathetic, often over little things like someone getting their feelings hurt. Extroverted introvert, I like to be included and go out and LOVE adventures and taking chances but I NEED my alone time to recharge. I get super intimated by guys, especially ones I like/think are cute. I get left out a lot but also create fun for myself and not afraid to go to places alone and have a great time. Always worried about being rejected. Overly sensitive. I also think everyone always hates me secretly. I have tons of ambition and passion and am super sweet. Can always find a positive in any situation. I can be super over sensitive tho. I can be super intense sometimes and steam roll but it's because I'm super passionate. I get excited about any and everything. Both a kid at heart and an old soul. If you have seen The Middle, I am literally Sue Heck and Leslie Knope from Parks and Rec.Physical touch is my love language (words of affirmation a close second tho), tho I'm often shy to initiate it.

I am love to smile and laugh, I find pretty much anything that is slightly amusing super funny and will laugh.

Thanks so much girl! Have a great day/night!

hi! thank you so much for your compliments! I hope you enjoy your vanilla milkshake - a royal milkshake, if I may, given that you’ll share it with none other than high king peter the magnificent...

Or rather, when you met him, just Peter Pevensie, the boy who had come to live with his siblings in your neighbor’s immense mansion.

You loved your life in the country - it was peaceful and you enjoyed incredible mornings, with the sky turning every color of the rainbow, all for you to see... but sometimes, it did get a little lonely, especially with your father off to the war, and no other children to spend your afternoons with.

So, despite the rather grim circumstances that led the Pevensies to move to the old Professor’s countryhouse, on the land right opposite yours, you were pretty glad that you finally had a few friends.

Well, that you had the possibility to have friends, because living in isolation and homeschooled did not help your social skills and timidity. You were too scared to make the first move and ask if you could play with them... so you just climbed the trees that bordered both properties, and observed them from afar, not knowing how to make your presence known.

Until Peter noticed you perched atop your branch, with your summer dress and little bow in your hair. His eldest brother instincts kicked in at first and he observed you with defiance, but when he saw how red your cheeks turned, he understood that all you wanted was a playmate.

(And you were pretty, but he never would have admitted that, especially not in front of his siblings. He was the eldest! He had a responsiblity!)

“What’s your name?”

“M-Meredith.”

“Do you want to play with us?”

“Y-Yes, I’d love that!”

Then began the best summer of your life. Every morning, after breakfast, you ran to the Pevensies’ property and spent all life playing tag, football, and blind’s man buff... though your favorite was hide and seek, especially inside the gigantic mansion.

Though its dark corners scared you a little bit, so you often hid with Peter. He held your hand saying that he would protect you, but in reality it was but a clever excuse to feel your soft fingers in his.

It was during one of these hide and seek games that you heard your new friends’ tutor screaming out of her mind from somewhere in the distance... that you all fled and took refuge in the age-old wardrobe, and got propulsed into the world of Narnia.

You handled the whole situation pretty well, all things considered. Your optimism and determination was definitely a huge motivation and driving force for the Pevensie siblings; when they felt like giving up, especially when Edmund was held by the White Witch, you were always there to lift their spirits up.

Even after Aslan’s demise, and when everyone seemed lost and you were scared out of your mind that you would lose Peter or Edmund on the battlefield, you remained hopeful, and held Peter’s hand all throughout the night before the battle.

Holding hands had become your love language, a discreet but unmistakable form of affection and a way to reassure the other that you were there and you would never go away. You kept the habit long after Peter was crowned High King of Narnia...

... and, years later, you were crowned too, as his Queen consort.

It had always been a foregone conclusion in his mind, from the moment he had laid eyes on you in that tree, so much so that he hadn’t even really wondered if he should ask you. Whenever he imagined his future, it was always as a protector of Narnia, a humble servant of Aslan, and entirely devoted to you, to your happiness and wellbeing. He always knew he’d find a way to spend forever with you - and forever in Narnia, as your King, didn’t sound half-bad.

Peter obviously loves himself a good adventure, and there’s so much to discover in the immense world of Narnia; and unless it is exceptionally dangerous, or his sole presence is requested, he always brings you with him on his travels. It allows the two of you to not be separated, but, first and foremost, he loves the spark of enthusiasm and happiness you always carry with you, especially on journeys.

But if you’re really drained after a long day of adventures, he’ll be more than happy to give you time alone to recharge; or, if you are at the castle, you’ll take a stroll in the gardens of Cair Paravel, away from all the kingly responsibilities and duties. Not that he doesn’t enjoy being in charge, but sometimes he needs to take a breather as well, and your company is the best for that.

He’ll drape an arm around your shoulder as you gush about the last novel you’ve read, or your archery practice with Susan, and he listens attentively; then, when you’re not looking, he’ll pluck a flower from a nearby bush and nest it in your hair.

Then you’ll both grin and blush just a little bit, because you’re both softies at heart, even after all the battles and feasts.

That’s why you work so well together, in a way.

800 follower sleepover

[lalahbug]

I Win - Soul x Reader

Fandom: Soul Eater Word Count:1,328 My Masterlist Warnings/disclaim: general You’re Kid’s little sister and for the sake of the story, you’ve got black hair and stripes on the back of your hand. Author’s Note: Originally posted on DeviantArt, under the same username, on 09/24/2012. Revamped/edited in 2020 ___ is a blank for your name/oc/whatever you prefer Written in 2nd person Line/header is to separate paragraphs to indicate time skips, as Tumblr hates my formatting. Story under cut 

          You rolled around on your bed and stared at your super abstract room. The colors and the art were perfect in your mind, you loved abstract things. Your brother on the other hand thought symmetry is perfect and the key to life. Needless to say, you guys fought over a lot until he agreed to leave you alone about it if you left him alone about it. So you didn't really fight anymore which was great because you felt bad always making him cry at the end of fights. It was ironic, your stripes were on the back of your head making you symmetrical. Kid, your older brother, had stripes on the left side of his head, making him abstract. You were both opposite of what you loved, which is why you guessed you were brother and sister.  

          Kid was always at school now and you hated it because he rarely spent time with you. He has friends now and doesn't come home after school because he's with them. He doesn't bring them home because they've never asked. The only people you knew were; dad, Kid, Patty, Liz, Spirit, and Stein. Those are the only people you've ever met because you think people are annoying. You avoid people when you can, you weren't shy nor cared what other people thought. You were just anti-social. So, the only time you traveled out of the house is when dad wanted to see you in person or had a mission for you.  

          Like dad and your brother, you were a grim reaper and wielded a weapon. Although you preferred your bow, your dad always tried to get you to like scythes, like him. Just like Patty and Liz; Jason, your weapon, lived in your house too. He went to school too, which left you alone all day, the way you liked it usually. Today you were lonely though so you decided to get dressed for the day and go visit ni, dad, and Jason. You were the youngest of the family and papa's little girl and Kid's baby sister.  

          Out the door of manor and headphones in your ears, you pulled out your skateboard, which Kid had taught you to use. You skated silently as your black and white striped hair blew in the wind. So did your (f/c) dress which reached your knees but you forgot your jacket at home making you a bit cold. You closed your (e/c) eyes, and just listened to your music, which pounded into your ears.  

          At the school you realized there were a lot of students about, meaning it was lunch. Good, now you didn't have you wait for Kid to get out of class or walk in the middle of class. You looked for Kid first he was with his friends but easy to spot with his rant over symmetry.  

          "Kid, calm down." You said as you walked up to him, which shocked him to hear your voice.  

          "Oh, hey ____, what are you doing here?" Kid asked.  

          "I got lonely at home, so I came to see you and dad."  

          "Wait you got lonely?" Liz injected.  

          "Yes, why?" You calmly answered.  

          "HHIIII ____-CHAN!" Patty screamed happily at you.  

          "Hello, Patty." You tried to say nicely as you rubbed your ear, the one that she had just screamed into.  

          "Who is this, Kid?" A girl with sandy hair and green eyes asked, from her niceness and looks you, assumed she was Maka. You knew all of the descriptions and personalities of Kid's friends because he talked about them at home.  

          "I'm ____, Kid's sister, and Lord Death's second child. If I am right, you're Maka right?"  

          "Yes, I'm M-"  

          "Wait, Kid has a sister?!" Maka was cut off very rudely. By a blue-haired boy, you assumed to be, Black*Star and a white-haired kid with red eyes, you assumed to be, Soul.  

          "Yes, I do as you can see; we don't have to look alike to be related." What niisan said is very true; we d look anything alike. The two boys were staring at you intensely now which made a small blush creep onto your face because you thought Soul was cute.  

          "You're right Kid; the likeness is the formal clothes." Soul leaned back convinced.  

          “We dress formally to keep a good name for our family and father."  

          "Ugh, you rich kids." Soul groaned and Maka elbowed him.  

          "Rich or not; taking care of your appearance makes a good impression on people." You said very dryly to him. You hated people labeling you as some rich, spoiled girl. You speak your mind so sometimes people quickly jump to that conclusion.  

          "Wow, you're nothing like your brother. He's so polite and seems to be a charming good boy."  

          "I know. We are pretty opposite. He loves symmetry and I love abstract. He's nice and I speak my mind. The list goes on for a while and I don't think you'd like to know all of it." You calmly claimed.  

          "Wow, really the opposite. I never said it was a bad thing. I never even said I dislike rich people, I feel sorry for them." Soul gave you a shark-toothed looking grin and it struck something in you. You quickly covered the lower half of your face with your hands. "Huh, what's wrong ____?" Soul leaned in a bit close being confused.  

          "N-nothing." You said muffled through your hands.  

          "You never act like this, what's wrong sis?" Kid put his arm around you.  

          "I bet she's intimidated by the amazing Black*Star!" Black*Star gloated very loudly and annoyingly.  

          "That can't be it. ____ surpasses me in fighting unless she's not trying." Kid sighed, admitting it.  

          "I have to go." You abruptly said and started to leave.  

          "Wait, where are you going?" Onii-san asked with worried.  

          "To see daddy." You squeaked.  

          "Hey, you've got stripes too," Soul said with another smile making your face feel hot then you ran off.  

          "I hope you're not sick!" Kid called after you.  

          After you saw your dad and asked him about those weird feelings towards Soul. Just as you thought, it was your first crush, your dad, of course, was fawning over it and teasing you.

          You were back at home and just opening the door.  

          "Hey." You looked up from the door handle to see Soul.  

          "What are you doing here?!" You quickly retorted.  

          "Kid invited me over but Liz and Patty drug him off a few moments ago." You mouthed an 'oh' and sounds of the TV in the other room could be softly heard. "So I heard you have a crush on me?" Soul asked casually with his signature grin.  

          Blush lit your face very brightly, "I d-don't know w-what you're t-talking about." You said calmly as you could but with your nerves jumping about you were stumbling everywhere.  

          "Well I heard it from your brother and your father so I doubt I'm wrong. Plus you're as red as a tomato right now." He explained as walking closer to you until you back up against the wall.  

          "S-so what if I do?!" You were still trying to be calm, with your nerves and blush. You didn't want to turn into a giggling mess or a frozen idiot like most girls.  

          "How about this, if I can prove you like me then I get to take you out on a date."  

          "Try if you can!" You got right in his face as you said this.  

          Just what he wanted, he pressed his lips to yours and put his hand on the back your head in your hair so you couldn't pull away. You tried to push away at once but once his teeth nipped your bottom lip. You lost, you kissed him back passionately and wrapped your arms around his neck. Soul pulled away with his signature smile.  

          "I win."  

          "Whoever said I wanted to you to lose?" You hugged him and rested your head on his shoulder.

[thanatosbananatos]

What in the heckin' heck is Hanji's backstory? -- A Meta

At this rate, Yams is never going to tell us.

I guess it may not be all that important to the story, but then again, knowing his writing style, he really enjoys leaving mysteries, and it won't surprise me in the slightest if this series ends with a lot of the mysteries being unsolved.  Hanji's backstory will likely be one of them.

As a disclaimer, I use she/her pronouns for Hanji, but Isayama specifically has stated that Hanji's gender is irrelevant, so please feel free to use whatever pronouns you'd like. If Hanji was real, I don't think she'd care, either...

Anyway, I want to start this meta laying out the facts we already know about Hanji BEFORE the year 845.

--Hanji had joined the Corps for ??? reason, and had a thirst to kill the Titans mercilessly, just like Eren at the start of the story.  She was “fueled by insecurity and hate.”  However, she kicked a Titan's head and was fascinated by how light it was, which began her obsession with the Titans from a scientific standpoint.

--Hanji does not bathe regularly and doesn't care about hygiene.  Apparently Levi has to knock her out to get her to bathe.

--Hanji doesn't care about gender.  Or at least, Isayama said it doesn't matter to the story.  In a very early interview, he stated that Hanji was female but had moments of masculinity, which means she's gender-fluid or nonbinary.

--Hanji was in the Corps before Levi, Isabel, and Farlan joined.

--Hanji has known Erwin, Mike, and others for a little while--it's a quick little thing, but in episode one of season one, Hanji is shown to be in the same squad as Erwin when Shardis was the Commander.

--Hanji has anger issues.  Isayama has stated that she is the scariest character when angered, and is also a different person with and without her glasses/goggles.

Aaaaand that's it.

Thanks, Yams.

Well, if the Wings of Counterattack game is to be believed, Hanji was also a super cute kid who was always kind of androgynous and messy-haired and had bad vision. Super cute.  I love.

But that's really it.  Hanji didn't even get a character song, despite Romi Park having the singing voice of a fallen angel that's going to drag me straight into hell where there are hot jazz musicians and Satan serves us all whiskey on the rocks.  Did y'all know she released a jazz/pop album?  It's fire and you can't stop me from thinking about Hanji being able to sing like that.

...I'm getting off track.

ANYWAY.

Compared to many other recurring characters in the series, Hanji has a very limited amount of backstory.  She's never even drawn as younger, even in the panel we get of her kicking the Titan's head--if you recall, it's just a dark scribble with a scary-looking grin.

That being said, Isayama has indeed been dropping bread crumbs here and there with clues throughout the series that can lead us to a conclusion about Hanji's past.

Where was Hanji born and raised?

I think it's fair to say that Hanji was not raised with wealth.

It's hard to draw conclusions about her exact family, but considering her being totally chill with not bathing for weeks and being a little bit of a...gremlin, she probably grew up somewhere in Maria, or in the slums of someplace in Rose. However, I tend to lean more toward Maria.  

For me, it's not really an issue of just her hygiene--it's also her social skills.  Again, we know ZILCH about her parents/guardians, so they could have been weirdos, but I think also that Hanji just didn't have the proper upbringing to gain boundaries like normal people.  She gets up in people's faces, she can be very physical/grabby, and she can be argumentative and stubborn to a fault.  I think it's fair to sometimes call her actions childish, though some of them also are symptoms of something like ADHD.

I want to argue, however, that she is just eccentric.  I think it's part of who she is and was raised to be--or perhaps it's from a lack of attention.  

She also just doesn't care about a lot of things that people raised in high-status upbringings would care about.  She literally throws on her uniform jacket over her pajamas when called out to see Pastor Nick's death scene.  Showering/bathing every day is not a priority,but it's also not something that bothers her.  For instance, I'm incredibly busy, but I shower every day because anxiety dictates it to be so, but I also just enjoy being clean.  Hanji is super busy and could make time to shower/bathe more than she doesn't, but she doesn't see it as a priority and never once is it mentioned that she pays any mind to it.  

Regarding her gender, I wonder if she was an only child.  It's possible that there were expectations put on her to be more of a “lady,” but she was much more concerned with studying and learning.  

That's just speculation, of course.  Some people just are the way that they are.

However, I think she was an only child for a couple of other reasons, too.

First, I think that economically, if she did grow up in Maria, one child was all that her parents could afford. There are also just not a lot of people in the walled world with siblings; it's just not very convenient to add to an already-starving population, I suppose.  

But also, I think her love for studying might be connected to this.  I know that, as a kid growing up with older brothers MUCH older than me and not a lot of friends, I loved to read to the point that I owned my own encyclopedias and actually read them. A lot of kids who grow up lonely/isolated tend to do the same.  

Especially if she was already such an extroverted kid, I think she'd need the stimulation.

Why did Hanji hate the Titans?

It's possible to think about this from a couple of different angles, but there's one that I prefer over the other.

First, we could consider that Hanji perhaps lost someone she cared about to the Titans.  Maybe her parents joined the military and were killed.  Maybe her sibling, or aunt or uncle, or grandparents.  

Second, we could consider that she valued freedom and independence, and that she considered the Titans to be something that stood in the way of that.

Personally, I think the second one is more likely.  Of course, it's possible that both happened!  We really don't know.  

However, I lean toward the second option because of Hanji's personality, and the little we know about her when she joined the Corps.  She was a bit unhinged (as all interesting characters are), and she was very violent.  This tends to be a characteristic of people who are forced to keep everything in for a long amount of time.

In psychology, there are two categories of people:  externalizers and internalizers.  For instance, if a child endures trauma, and their reaction is to lash out violently (physically or verbally), or to become selfish and attention-seeking, that is considered externalizing.  On the other hand, if the child endures the trauma and then keeps it locked up, considers the abuser to be the “real” victim, learns self-blame, etc., then that is internalizing.  

For instance, Erwin is probably an internalizer, when we take into account his father's death and the trauma he endured because of it.  Armin is also an internalizer.

Hanji, however, is probably an externalizer.  She shows a lot of the signs of someone who has perhaps undergone something traumatic/repeated traumatic events and has lashed out as a sign of “dealing with it.”  It's a sign of emotional immaturity, so it makes sense that that's what Hanji was doing as a young'n.  She's also quite empathetic, which could add fuel to any flames, and she's also proven to be a skilled manipulator.

What was the trauma?  I think it was the feeling of isolation.

One thing that really is evident to me is how goddamned EXTROVERTED Hanji is.  If we have the scale E to I, Hanji is probably one of the farthest if not THE farthest over on the E side of ALL of the characters in this story.  She likes to talk, she verbalizes everything, she enjoys people, and she clearly gains energy from social situations.

I have a feeling that Hanji has always been a bright kid, and that perhaps she was understimulated as a result of growing up not only in a poor community, but being surrounded by this big-ass walls and constantly being told, “No, you can't go outside.  You'll be eaten alive by Titans.”

She would very naturally turn into this teenager/young adult with a thirst for absolutely destroying the things that kept her locked up in the first place.

Again, I think either situation is likely, but I have the feeling that it goes deeper than just getting revenge for someone's death. Something tells me that Hanji has been looking for answers to deep questions for a long time.

So, Hanji joins the military.  Then what?

Well, from the hints that Yams has dropped, Hanji met Erwin, Mike, Nile, and perhaps others at some point.  I don't think that Hanji was in the same class as them, save for maybe Moblit, but I think she probably knew them. This part is a bit hazy, considering that we don't know what age Erwin and company were when they joined the military.  Mike is canonically older than them all, pushing 40 years old (like a fine wine) at around 850.  Erwin is supposedly in his late 30's, and I believe even Levi is older than Hanji, which would put her around 30 at in the year 850.  

Now, if we think about when Levi entered the Survey Corps, which I believe was in the year 846...

Hanji was not a new recruit that year, and she already seemed to have a pretty close friendship with Moblit.  She was also more emotionally mature.

In other words, Hanji had probably already kicked the head of that Titan by the time Maria fell.

That means, it had to have been before Shiganshina/Maria fell that she had a change of heart.  

During all of this, Mike and Erwin were also in the Corps, and they probably witnessed this change.

However, despite it being explicitly mentioned in the manga, this is the hardest part to flesh out about Hanji's backstory.

We at least know the details of her becoming a Squad Leader specifically focused on the science of Titans, thanks to the OVA for Ilse's Journal.  It was thanks to her curiosity, emotional maturity, and a bit of dumb luck that it happened.  

But before this, we don't know much else about her time in the military, and it's hard to discern anything without knowing details about the others, too.  

I know that there are snippets of details in smartpasses (is that what they're called?) that reveal that she, Mike, and Erwin were friends, etc., but that really doesn't give us much to go on. Much of it, unfortunately, remains a mystery.

However, there is one last thing I want to point out:

In the first episode of season two, after Hanji lets Nick down instead of yeeting him off of the wall, she mentions “I haven't felt this way since I first went outside of the walls.  Talk about scary.”

There are many people who interpret this line as her fear of the Titans, but I think it's fear of her own anger.  She was ready to brutally kill someone who could have otherwise provided valuable information, just because of her pure rage.  

I think this moment, along with a couple of others (kicking down the table and saying “it was a roach,” for instance), drive home some of the assumptions from earlier in this meta.  Consider the torture scene and her actions compared to Levi's.  Levi grew up in an environment where violence was used as a form of communication.  You don't see him saying a lot as he punches Sannes over and over.  He doesn't stick around to talk to the men once they're returned to their jail cells.  

Hanji is, however, a bit too eager to rip the nails and teeth out of this guy (partially as revenge for Pastor Nick's death, I'm certain).  She rips into them verbally as well, as they sit defeated in their jail cell.  Her anger is a terrifying force.

So what's the point?

Well, there's not really one.

I just would like to know more about one of my favorite fictional characters of all time.

Is it important to the story?  Well, not necessarily.

But what if this backstory is more than I wrote here?  What if it's something quite wild or disturbing?  What if it digs further into the fundamentals of humanity?  Was she abused?  Was she bullied?  Is she just psychologically disturbed?  

Like I said, we may never know, and at this point (2019/09), the series seems to be coming to an end.

I personally think it's really too bad.  The story is a character-driven one, so to leave so much mystery around Hanji's past is very curious.  Hanji tends to get shoved to the side a lot (though not as much as some other MCs), so it’s pretty frustrating to see that even the creator isn’t divulging more information...

Then again, I guess it does make writing fics easier, right...?

[3w-writer-with-wings]

Maybe Judai for the ask thing? (ㆁᴗㆁ✿) if that hasn't been done of course ^^

Why I like them/why I don’t

To be honest I didn’t like Judai that much at first. He was cute but other than that he was just an average overpowered character to me and his outgoing persona didn’t really help. The first time I watched GX it was in my native language dub and Judai happened to have the same voice as a character from another show that was extremely annoying, so I wasn’t that fond of him at all. Around the end of the first season, the airing stopped and I continued with English dub and while he was slightly likeable with a different voice I still didn’t like his character at all. But then season 3 happened… and it changed my mind. He felt like an entirely different person and the plot finally started getting interesting. It was like the new season made him start taking things seriously and with each new episode, it felt like he slowly started revealing his true self. And at that point, it finally started making sense why he was so happy and outgoing the first two seasons - he was lonely as a child and card games was the only thing that made him happy, so it makes sense that once he got accepted to school all about card games where he met new friends made him all excited. This was already hinted once in season 2, after his loss to Edo where he could no longer see cards and was convinced he has nothing else to do in Duel Academy so he just left. From all protagonists, Judai has by far the most unique development and from where VRAINS is now, Yusaku is likely to follow Judai’s journey of self-discovery. In a way, both of them are complex characters that are dealing with their breaking points in their own way. 

One other thing that I really love about Judai is his ability to talk with Duel Spirits. There have been several characters in other series with the same ability, but no one had as much focus as Judai had. I absolutely loved his connection to Yubel, about how obsessed she became with him to the point of hurting other people and how much she wanted to protect him at the same time. The fact that Judai uses Super Fusion in order to merge them together was a really nice conclusion and in a way, it symbolized the fact that Judai matured.

What I like about their appearance

The fact how normal he looks compared to other protagonists XD. Like seriously all protagonists are either embodiment of rainbows (Yuya and Yuma) or edginess (Yugi, Yusei, Yusaku) and Judai is just an ordinary teenager in a simple school uniform and a puffy hairdo that looks like a Kuriboh.

Do I prefer their dub names or original names?

Judai and Jaden sound very similar so I tend to switch them depending on the situation because some of my friends are not familiar with his original name. In my fanfics I use his original name most of the time, but honestly, both versions sound okay and are not that different compared to some other dub names.

OTP

Spiritshipping all the way! Judai X Johan is not only my favourite GX OTP but my second favourite OTP of all Yugioh series! (they are just a little behind Keyshipping and Puzzleshipping). From the first episode where Johan showed up when Ruby and Winged Kuriboh played together and when Judai welcomed Johan to the Duel Academy, I knew there was something special about to happen. And boy was I not ready for this! The way those two dorks interacted with each other, how others described Johan as “Judai with a southern accent” and just every scene where they showed up together - it was a blessing! And when Judai went to look for him and how he sank deeper and deeper in depression while trying to find him was absolutely heartbreaking. And when Johan came back and Judai was instantly better was just so wholesome to watch. In my headcanon they really are more than friends, they just don’t show it that obviously and I’m completely fine with it. Their personal lives shouldn’t interfere with the plot and deep down I believe that they settled down once Judai returned from his travels. In my perfect reality, they founded a school for people who can also talk with the Duel Spirits and the two of them help others control their abilities.

NOTP

I’m not really sure about Fusionshipping… It just doesn’t feel like a ship at all. I already hate Ryou’s overall character since really, he duels just for power. To him, Judai is not even a rival, just a mere opponent that might pique his interest if he is strong enough. Even in the show, he appeared only when the plot demanded him to do so and had little to none motivations other than power. I completely lost respect for him when he said he wanted to duel Supreme King aka. Judai’s alter ego ALL WHILE JUDAI WAS UNCONSCIOUS AND SUFFERING FROM TRAUMA INDUCED FEVER JUST A FEW METERS AWAY FROM HIM. Like dude chill out, not everything is about power. I was so glad Edo called him out on it cuz seriously this dude would be the worst possible boyfriend. It was even worse when he tried to “help” Judai overcome his trauma cuz really he had zero empathy to help someone as traumatized as Judai. If those two were to date, it would either be over fast or would result in a really unhealthy relationship. 

OT3

Competitorshipping or Jun X Judai X Johan is actually something I didn’t know I liked. I do ship Judai with both Jun and Johan, but I’ve never really seen all three of them together. This all changed when I got a request as a secret santa to make a story with three of them as a functioning relationship. I wanted to change a request at first since I’m not keen on writing threesomes, but the more I thought about it more I thought it could work. So in my story, I made Jun and Judai into childhood friends that befriend a transfer student Johan and together they become roommates during their college years. After graduation, they separate for a few years, Judai travelling overseas to pursue his career in acting and coming book illustrating, Jun marrying and getting a son and Johan opening his own clinic. Eventually, they all live together again since Judai gets a new job nearby and Jun divorces and gets custody of his son. Johan and Judai help him raise his son and the story continues with Johan and Judai adopting a child (my OC). If you’re interested you can read it here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16790146/chapters/39405268 I still have three more chapters to go. While I was writing it, I realized just how much the three of them interact in the anime, especially with all bonding over the fact that they can talk to Duel Spirits. It’s a relationship that could as well work and I’m sure they feel the same way about it.

The favourite card they use

It might be useless, but Winged Kuriboh is by far my favourite monster in the whole GX. It’s simple but gives away just enough nostalgia to make it work. I love how much Judai interacts with it and in a way Winged Kuriboh is his constant companion, providing him comfort whenever it can. I also love how it used to belong to Yugi and was given to Judai because “something was telling him it belongs with him” like Yugi could hear its voice. In my headcanon, Yugi knew Judai was a reincarnation of the Supreme King and gave him Winged Kuriboh so the spirit could help him control his power. Winged Kuriboh is not just a spirit, it is Judai’s partner.

The favourite moment they were in

When Judai merged with Yubel it was like Judai made a huge step in his life. For the first two seasons, he approached his problems with confidence and a grin on his face. He was having fun, not really thinking about his actions. This was all a mask to run away from his past of loneliness and fear. With season 3 the past finally caught up with him and he was forced to face it. Yubel wanted him back after she was discarded and Judai knew it, afraid she would find him again. After seeing his friends fading away, succumbing to Supreme’s King power and being scared of using Fusion, Judai is literally lost of what is he supposed to do. In the end, he finally faces Yubel, claiming all responsibility on himself. It may seem like Judai succumbed to his yandere stalker when he played Super Fusion, but from what I’ve seen it, he did it as a way to apologize. It’s true that it was his parents who sent Yubel to space and he couldn’t do anything about it, but for someone who has a superhero deck, this was Judai’s heroic sacrifice. He was scared and unsure of what could happen, but in that single moment, he made a very mature decision. He knew Yubel would only stop once the two of them are together again and he did it so his friends would be saved. This was when he truly acted as a hero, giving everything up to save someone who has been putting him in so many dangerous situations, because when he forgave Yubel he was ready for the true battle.

Least favourite moment

A basically entire first and second season when he acted like the way overpowered character. I know this was necessary for his later character development, but some episodic plotlines and duels were just plain stupid and completely unnecessary considering how many of them were there already. 

Would I fuck, marry or kill them

How about if he adopts my child OC? XD Yeah I would definitely marry this dork. He is sweet, childish and full of energy and at the same time he is mature and knows how to handle the situation. In my slice-of-life headcanon he is an actor and comic book artist, living with his partner Johan and together they raise their shy adoptive son. I think he would make a great dad and would be great with kids in general, like organizing birthday parties, babysitting and having art workshops with children. 

(Here’s Judai with my OC from my fanfic Safe in Your Arms ;) I used several references for this drawing )

[ladala99]

Spyro Reignited Countdown - Spyro the Dragon

Hey, as someone who only owns a Switch of the current console generation, and as someone who grew up playing Spyro on the PS1, I’m super hyped for the return of the dragon!

And I thought up yesterday, what better way to do that than by reviewing every Spyro game I’ve played.

Well, I’ve played... *counts* 22 Spyro games. Counting the 3DS ports of Skylanders games which are different enough to talk about separately.

Alright divide the number of days left until it comes out and...

Uh... one every two days, huh? Guess I better get started! (May space them out or have bonus comparisons/recaps at the end to deal with the extra days)

Spyro the Dragon

The first Spyro game! Also the first video game I ever played. One day, when I was 3, my dad plopped me down in front of the Playstation, gave me the controller, and started up some demo disk. The first one on there was this game called Spyro the Dragon, and he told me what the buttons did (since I couldn’t read the screen that told you), and let me play.

I told my mom about it (divorced parents), and we rented the game from Hollywood Video. *She* played it. She loved it. And I loved watching. And pressing buttons on a controller put into slot 2. I had a fancy Barbie controller. I don’t know what eventually happened to it.

Eventually the Hollywood Video lost the disc and we bought it for ourselves. We were renting it every week, anyway. I remember us going up to the video game counter and my mom going “We’d like to get this game, it’s about a dragon...” and I shouted “And he’s purple! And his name is Spyro!” I loved him so much.

Now I didn’t play through the entire game myself until I was a teen, but unlike any other game, I did see the ending as a kid because my mom was able to make it through the game, into 100%. It’s a series we bonded over, and I have so much nostalgia for it. I can’t wait to play it in Reignited and see what she remembers.

Anyway, stopping with the memories and onto the review! It’s just... really hard to be fair for a game like this. I have too much nostalgia related to it. Honestly, though, that’s the case for a lot of the series.

Gameplay

Spyro the Dragon is an early 3D platformer. Despite being early, though, it controls really well. I’ve played a few others from that era (Croc, uh... Crash? Maybe not a few) and none of them control quite as well as Spyro does. Spyro is extremely responsive, stopping and starting on a dime.

You have two attacks, spitting fire and charging with your horns. The latter can be used to move quicker, but you don’t turn as sharply when running. When to use each attack is well-conveyed, as large opponents are immune to your horns, but weak to your fire, and opponents with a shiny metal shield are the opposite. There’s a few enemies immune to both, but they can be beaten by ways that are broadcasted well.

Collectables

One of those ways is the dragons. There’s three main collectables in this game: Gems, Eggs and Dragons. Gems are everywhere, Eggs are only in a few levels, and Dragons are placed in key locations in each level. The Dragons are I suppose the main collectable, but all three are needed for progress. Dragons in particular also double as tutorial and lore pieces, as each tells you something when you free him. They also all look unique, with each of the five species having their own general look and each individual having his own textures. I go into a lot more detail in this blog post. This really makes the dragons in this game stand out amongst the series, as no other collectables are nearly as unique.

Gems I don’t really know what to say about. Many collectathon platformers have collectables like them: something spread around every level so you need to explore the entire play area. Gems are special in that each one has a different value: red being 1, green being 2, blue being 5, gold being 10, and purple being 25. And this spread shows approximately how common each was, with the lower values being more common and spread around, and the higher values being rewards for going into more out-of-the-way areas. Collecting them is satisfying, especially in larger amounts. Just watching the numbers spin is one of the highlights of this game, especially at the end of the bonus level.

Eggs are special. They come from chasing down blue thieves, which are the most annoying enemy in the game. Sure, now I can get them in one try, but back at the beginning the ones that don’t have a full circular path were the most annoying things, since if you got to the end, they’d just jump out of reach and taunt you.

Powerups

There’s two main powerups in this game: Superflame and Supercharge. Both have a couple of levels that use them extensively.

Superflame definitely is the weaker of the two. You get kissed by a fairy, turn red, and then for a limited amount of time you can use your flame breath to destroy metal objects and enemies. In the two levels it’s in, there’s an enemy you specifically need to use it on: the terrifying spiders and the enchanted suits of armor. The thing is, Superflame otherwise looks and works exactly like normal flame, just is usable on more things. While it’s cool to get the limitless one in Haunted Towers, overall it’s not a very memorable ability, and is improved dramatically in the sequels.

Supercharge you get from charging over lit arrows, and it enhances your charge to work on larger enemies and makes you go really, really fast. It takes a bit to master, but once you do, it is a very satisfying skill to use. Too bad none of the levels in this game have a limitless track to use it on. The levels that use it use it in very creative ways, including the one where I’m not even sure how you’re supposed to know the path you’re supposed to take. It really spices up the gameplay, to the point where Tree Tops feels like an entirely different game. And if you know me, you know that I love games that spice up the gameplay.

Bosses

The one weak point of this game is its bosses. They’re basically normal enemies, just with a slight gimmick. And that gimmick usually involves a large battlefield where they will run away from you. It does make you feel powerful: after all, they’re running away from the fire-breathing dragon attacking them. But at the same time, they offer very little challenge. The only really interesting one is Metalhead with his electric-guarded power generators, but even then, it’s not like he can hit you or anything unless you’re standing completely still. And the final boss is only hard because of how many holes the stage has in it. Not at all because of Gnasty. He’s still the most likely to directly hit you of all the bosses, but that’s not saying much.

Levels

The levels are all themed to their world, which is pretty neat, but does get repetitive at times. Still, it made each world feel more real.

Speaking of things feeling more real, something I’ve noticed is that Spyro the Dragon doesn’t fall into the same pitfall of having platforms that are just platforms because this is a platformer. Every piece of land is connected to something, oftentimes even in Dream Weavers which is literally floating islands. Moving platforms are caused by wizards, dangerous platforms are caused by Gnorcs zapping them, and often random platforms in the middle of the level are themed to it, like the stumps in Beast Makers.

The game progresses from easy to hard very smoothly, adding more gimmicks and platforming challenges as it goes along. This is also shown by the Gnorcs getting more competent as the game goes along, beginning with no weaponry in Artisans, getting cannons in Peacekeepers, electricity in Beast Makers, and finally machine guns in Gnorc Gnexus. Too bad Gnasty never learned to use a gun.

Story

Gnasty Gnorc turns all the dragons into crystal for insulting him on live TV. And if you read the instruction manual you learn that he hates gems because he hates his own reflection because he is too ugly. Really, there’s not too much here, but that’s not the point of the game. At least it’s not a save-the-girl plot. You don’t really see save-the-adults too often.

Unique in the Series?

Truly what makes this game unique is the fact that it’s completely platforming-based. No minigames, few gimmicks, just the entire game is platforming and collecting stuff.

This comes with a lack of real NPCs, which many people find makes the game lonely, but I don’t mind at all. It’s definitely a different feel from later games, but it’s not in a bad way.

Also something I’m surprised is unique to this game is the fact that many of the secrets involve going onto parts of the level that look like they should not be accessible. You glide onto the surrounding hillsides in Stone Hill, you climb up nearly-invisible steps in Terrace village, and you use the walls that look just like random scenery to fully explore Misty Bog. This type of thing isn’t used in future Spyro games, and rarely (if ever?) in video games in general. Truly a unique experience that has since turned me into an accidental bug hunter because I keep trying to get out-of-bounds just in case in other games.

Conclusion

All-in-all, Spyro the Dragon is tied for my favorite video game of all time with its sequel, Spyro 2. I compare everything I play to these games. They’re just the standard. I love them. Nostalgia-bias? Maybe. But despite there being a few flaws, I can’t really find fault when I play it. It’s too fun.

[unplacedpodcast]

Chapter Seven: Resolute (Transcript)

Sorry for the delay! I meant to put it up on Monday but I’ve basically been sleeping all week because it’s been a Very Long Month. Here’s the transcript for episode seven (spoilers below, as per usual): 

(audio recording start noise - Narrator sounds a little manic, on edge, not normal but not really despondent, just frantic and upset)

Those things are killing people, right? That’s the only logical conclusion. Right? I guess it could just be a freak incident, it could be a one time thing - do I want to wait and find out? Do I want…more people could die. Fuck! Why does this have to be my problem?!

(sigh) Because I don’t know if anyone else will make it their’s, I guess. I don’t know if anyone can - no wonder that woman ran away when she saw me, the one who could see me…if this is the stuff that happens in this invisible underworld. Maybe she knows better than to interact with anyone…or anything.

Of course, I also don’t know if making this my problem - if borrowing this trouble - if it’s gonna do anything. I - the last time I tried to take even one of those things on alone, it mauled me and my hand is still not the same, a month later. Am I going to make myself an invisible martyr that nobody’s even going to remember?

Are you a martyr if nobody remembers you? Probably not, right?

I digress. Not the point, not the point. I don’t know. I don’t even know if any of this is real. If it’s not real, what do I have to lose? If it’s not real, I’ve already lost it…literally. (bitter laugh)

If it is real…

Through all of this, I’ve just…I’ve assumed that something unexplainable is going on, that I’m not losing it, but at this point I don’t know. I don’t. I’m trying to continue working off of that assumption but it’s hard, you know? I didn’t realize how lonely I was until that woman looked at me and she saw me and her eyes didn’t slide over me like a boring department-store display.

If I’m that lonely - so much so that something as simple as someone looking at me makes me flip shit - who’s to say I’m not dithering to myself in a room somewhere? Or that I’m not hallucinating all of this? I don’t know any more. I don’t know what’s real and what’s not because all of this is so weird it shouldn’t be real, but it feels real and that - that makes it hard to think straight. When you genuinely don’t know what’s real and what’s not, it gives - it makes the ground you’re standing on unsteady.

It’s like - it’s like when you’ve been on a boat long enough that you get used to the tiny movements - and then you’re on land and you can’t tell whether something is actually moving or not, because it feels like everything should be moving.

That doesn’t even make sense. I’m babbling. Which is probably not a super convincing supporting argument to support the “no really, I promise I’m not barely clinging to reality by my fingernails” theory.

So, okay. When I was a kid, when I was…I don’t know, thirteen or fourteen? In middle school. I was friends with this girl who was really cruel. You know how kids are. Kids can be mean, and this girl - I don’t know why I wanted her to like me so much.

Anyways, me and this other girl, we were friends with the first girl, even though she was a hateful little brat. And my other friend - the not-mean girl, let’s call her Lucinda - was kind of odd. Not anything harmful, just a little different than everyone else. Dressed a little different, acted a little different, not quite in sync. And one time, the mean girl went off at Lucinda. She told her she was annoying, that nobody wanted to be around her or talk to her, that she didn’t have any friends…really ripped into her.

And I heard the whole thing - I don’t remember if I was standing right there or a few feet away at my locker - either way, I heard it, and I didn’t say anything, I stood there and I watched this mean girl who wasn’t even worth my time tear into Lucinda for things that weren’t her fault, that she had no control over, and I didn’t say anything.

We had class together afterwards. When she sat down at her desk, she’d clearly been crying, there was no hiding it from anyone and I knew, and I knew why, and I didn’t know what to say and I’d already been a coward when it was actually happening and I had nothing to do except give her this half-assed “I’m sorry” sort of smile.

I know I was only a kid, but ever since then, I’ve been trying not to be that person. I don’t want to be that person that watches someone else in pain and doesn’t do anything to help. I hate that I did that even once in my life. I hate that. I remember how that felt before and I still - I still wish I’d done something.

(long pause)

So yeah. I’m gonna do it. I’m going to do something. I don’t know what, I have nothing even close to resembling a plan right now and I don’t know how to get closer to having a plan. I’m still not entirely sure I’m not insane, but even if I am, I’m going to play by the rules of this wacky pocket universe I’m stuck in and I’m going to fight back.

(heavy sigh) Okay. Let’s go back to what we know. Again. The monsters are bad. Hematite hurts them, but not enough to - keep them from making their hosts commit suicide, I guess. Hematite also doesn’t hurt them enough to protect a dumbass who punches them with a fistful of it and keep said dumbass from getting their hand burned to shit.

That’s not a lot, but it’s not nothing. Why would hematite hurt them? What’s special about hematite?

It’s magnetic. Maybe they don’t like strong magnets. Okay, let’s try that.

(typing sound in background)

“magnet protection” … “NASA proposes a magnetic shield to protect Mars’ atmosphere” …not quite… “How a tiny magnet could produce a force field big enough to-“ …no… “EMF personal protection magnet” …really?!

(frustrated sigh) Magnetism might be the wrong tree to bark up. Although, who knows? Maybe the brain leeches have an electromagnetic field and hematite disrupts it. (snort) “Electromagnetic Brain Leeches” is the name of my Mindless Self Indulgence cover band.

What else? It’s probably not the red pigment, right? That doesn’t make any sense. Iron…hematite is iron ore, let’s see… “iron protection” gets me…the iron protection group? Probably not what I want. How about, “iron protection monster”…iron in folklore? Paranormal protection with iron and silver? This looks much more like barking up the right tree…

(reading)

“Iron is historically believed to repel, contain, or harm ghosts, fairies, witches, and other malevolent supernatural creatures. This belief continued into later superstitions in a number of forms, including nailing an iron horseshoe to a door to repel evil spirits, surrounding a cemetary with an iron fence to contain the souls of the dead, and burying an iron knife under the entrance to a home to keep witches from entering.”

Of course I wound up reading about witches and spirits. I mean, that’s only a hop, skip, and a jump away from psychics, and we’re already dealing with monsters, so why not? I suppose it’s better than space aliens.

Okay. It didn’t like hematite because that’s iron ore, and iron is apparently like a big ol’ can of RAID to evil spirits. I’m not sure that explains why the hematite didn’t entirely protect me - maybe because it’s not purified iron? Or maybe with these things, iron can hurt them, but isn’t enough to actually kill them.

And that’s what I need to do - I need to figure out how to kill these things, so they can’t hurt anyone else. That woman on the bridge - she looked…her eyes, they looked dead. There was someone in there, I saw it, I saw the spark when I called out to her, when I saw her and talked to her - I think she knew that I could see the monster, somehow. Maybe she saw me look at it when I was talking to her, saw my eyes flicker to that disgusting pulsing mass. When she realized I could see it…hope flared in her eyes. I saw a light there that wasn’t there a second before, I swear I did, but it wasn’t enough. She didn’t have any control any more, she was just…an empty husk.

I have to figure out how to stop these things before they do that to a person. If that means spending a few hours poking around badly designed sites about spirits and ghost-binding, then so be it.

Actually, wait a minute. Ghost-binding. Maybe that could come in handy? Which page did I see that on again? Let me find it…

(audio starts fading off as she’s talking to herself, “where did I see that at? I know I had it here a second ago…”, sound of mouse clicking, audio dings off, a few seconds later it dings on again)

I think I have a plan. Whether it’s going to work or not…that’s another story entirely. On the bright side, if it doesn’t work, I won’t have to have any more existential crises about my purpose as an invisible citizen existing in this weird-ass post-apocalyptic world of one.

Anyways. I’ve got to go get supplies. Talk to you soon.

(audio recording dings off)

[icharchivist]

Thanks for the links I'll be sure to watch them. I like watching analysis on Disney movies. Belle is my most favorite Disney princess. Has been forever. I was eager to see the live action movie until I kept hearing all this stuff about Belle being 'better' smarter and stronger. I was thinking Belle was already perfect. Why fix what's not broken? I'm not sure how any of this is an improvement. Instead of appreciating who Belle is and why her nature ended up destroying a curse to save countless -

2 people and redeem one soul who also proved he was a awesome selfless guy underneath that spoiled attitude. We get a character who we’re suppose to be impressed by her talents or, as you put it, how ahead of her time she was. Original Belle would be special yet easy to misunderstand no matter where or what time period you stuck her in. She was role model for her selfless attitude and independent mindest that didn’t go w/the crowd. She saw past images and cared about what was underneath. -

3 Belle was also relatable because she liked what she liked and felt lonely sge didn’t have friends who liked or accepted her. We all have yearnings to escape a place we feel belittled or trapped in. We all want to have at least 1 person to love us for who we are w/o wanting to completely change us first. But in the remake we got Belle the inventor. I’m not going to relate to someone alone for being an inventor. As you said, I feel like they lost what made Belle Belle when they turned her into -

4 into a mini version of her Father. We didn’t need her to become her dad and inherit her dad’s problems. She had her own problems. Just like what they’re doing w/Jasmine. Once again I thought the Aladdin remake looked fun until they talked about Jasmine veing a stronger version. She’s into politics and stuff. Forget that Jasmine wanted to marry for love and stood defiant against her well meaning Father’s picks for a husband. All men who only wanted her for status. That she was brave enough to-5 escape her sheltered world to be herself. That she never once looked down on Aladdin or anyone for being a street rat and treated him like a equal worthy of respect. She’s never once impressed w/material gain and showed more awe for a kind thief’s world then a boastful Prince’s magical parade that enchanted everyone else. That she stood up to Jafar of all villians w/o breaking a sweat. That she forgave so much. That she got her freedom and true love in the end. That’s only 1 movie too.

Yeaaah that’s so true I agree with all you said.

Tbh this is kind of another problem, Belle was more “ordinary” in a way that was relatable: but that was part of what made her this “extraordinary”. She was the “simple bookworm” who had a golden heart and could have people be their best selves around her. And it’s.. good. I mean I think people forgot those movies originally target kids or the kids inside of us. Sometimes it’s just good to tell the kid that even simplest things make them amazing. That they don’t have to be “special”, to be smarter, stronger than everyone else to be taken seriously, that you could just be yourself, that you could still have an impact on people’s lives. 

Like yeah it’s cool to tell kids they can be more too!! It’s important that there are stories that can tell kids “and you can do extraordinary things” but htat doesn’t mean that the likeable ordinary characters shouldn’t exist. And it’s such a disservice to Belle bc she was relatable. Any kids could feel for her journey, for who she was, and didn’t have to feel.. unadequate because y’see they’re not a genuis like her.

Already I feel like we’re losing a bit of her agency by making her an extension of her father, but as it is, it’s just… again that apparently to be considered a “good protagonist” you have to be a step ahead, to not just be a normal person see, you have to be a SUPER person who is more amazing that everyone and super transgressive.

And it’s.. a shame because the original movie carries that on far better. Belle is still weird, and we know the town is being a bit dumb but…. the thing is that, it’s super relatable? Like in the remake tries far more to relate it to the time period (which is in itself silly, the original “La Belle et La Bête” was published in a lady’s magazine for women to read it’s not,, like it was that weird to “teach another girl to read” in that time period in France,,) and they add this stupid plotline of how Gaston is just having major PTSD and that’s why he’s a douche and they have a whole section showing the townfolks don’t trust him blindly and Le Fou has to pay them to sing Gaston and i’m just??? Bc No, the Town were just mindless people who just would push away anyone who’s different. Gaston is your usual bully. The kind who believes they’re more important than anyone. They’re… people you actually meet in your life. 

So by making Belle “more special” while also in a town that is “more justified” it just… feels wrong and fall flat and it just feels insulting.

I don’t know that remake missed all the marks and Belle especially suffered from it and i hate how superficially they took the character. It’s super annoying. 

For Aladdin i admit i didn’t keep track of the remake, i personally think it looks like a trainwreck but i’m also very, very tired about the Disney Remake trend, and extremely annoyed with the “We’re fixing stuff from the original” ones. Because like, for exemple, liking it or not Maleficient wasn’t trying to fix the original, it was another side of the story. Jungle Book took a different approach but didn’t act all smugly about how they were fixing things. But with Cinderella, Beauty and the Beast and Aladdin they keep talking about things to change from the original to make it “more modern and better” and generally it’s not even on like… actual important stuff (i’ve only ever watched Aladdin in French and they don’t have it in it but apparently there’s a lyrics from the opening song that is downright offensive about how barbaric the culture is. Like. Think about fixing that before fixing your “woman problem” Disney.)

For Aladdin,  I really have no idea where the damn remake is headed but yeah i’ve seen them mention how much the new Jasmine is better than the original and c o m o n. You can try to talk a little more about politics without completely  undermining that she was still having an arc in the original, that she didn’t want her life decided for her, and everything you just said. 

idk i feel like they didn’t even get why those characters were liked to start with. They rush into conclusion about what bad role models they are without even taking into account that it’s… not like that people took them. Legit I’ve never thought “Cinderella/Ariel/Belle needed a Man to save them from their lives” for exemple until people started to smash it all over my head when I was a teen. 

Personally my fav princess growing up was Ariel, for exemple. to me she was a passionate person and people around her kept villainizing what she liked, his father litterally destroys all her stuff in front of her in a fit of anger. she is more pressured into doing the family stuff like singing for his father, but her interests are shunned away. What she wants is to explore her passion, to discover new things, to not be locked where her family tells her is her best place to be, especially when her father for exemple completely overlook her boundaries. Saving Eric happened to be one of the catalyst making her want to set it in motion, but she didn’t do it until her father sent her the message that her passion would be welcomed with violence. And yeah she took rushes decision when she was running away from home after her father terrified her, she was pressured in the contract, but the enjoyed herself on Earth, and whatever “she just wanted to find a man” means, she found what she wanted with Eric. he has boats, they can travel if she wants. He invites her to danse, he makes her visit places, she handle a horse, he helps her live more of her dream that isn’t just living a life with him. 

So to me i grew up with Ariel on a pure escapism sense, of living off your passion, of being able to escape an unsafe place to be with said passion, and hell the ultimate fantasy is that her father admited he was wrong and did right by her in the end. Getting the man was a bonus. 

and Ariel also enters a lot in the bashed princesses category because of Eric and it always kinda frustrated me, but when I was a young teen and everyone told me they were bad role models? I just ended up agreeing because “guess kid me doesn’t know any better”. But as an adult now, I feel like kid!me understood it much more, because those raw emotions are what inspired me in my life. Not the man, the passion did. 

Can’t WAIT until they remake The Little Mermaid to “remake Ariel in a Stronger Female Character” even if that’s not what this story need /sarcasm.

So yea long story short I think executives who are trying to say “how to better female characters kids loved” just completely missed why kids loved those characters to start with, and so instead it’s just pushing down our throat “shhh you love it the wrong way, here how you should love it too be More Progressive” and this is just annoying.

So yeah. Wait and see for the Aladdin’s remake but I have very little hope. 

Oh boy and it reminds me everything they planned for the Mulan remake *takes a huge breath* i dont know if i’m strong enough.

Take care!

[mollysgame]

I’m an extremely complicated person and while I obviously express a ton of stuff in my life, putting it all together in one post really made me see that what I dealt with throughout high school is scary to me. Because I know that the majority of people have to deal with so much worse. 

I have changed so much, and a lot of that is because of college. I wrote this post for myself, to see how I’ve developed and changed this year. But also because there are so many people who are waiting for their life to get just a tiny bit better and it feels like it is never going to happen. But it is possible and I hope that for anyone dealing with less or more than I did, you get your chance to move forward and take control of your life even if it’s just a small part of it. 

 I have developed and changed a bit for the good and I’m proud of myself. For anyone who feels like they are never getting anywhere, don’t let that stop you from trying one more time and having some hope. 

To start super small: I never drank before college because I have a very addictive personality. It’s something I’ve hated to accept, but it’s a very very serious thing. People point it out to me very often. Thing is, I’m able to drink, enjoy being around my friends [though I don’t party], and monitor myself while feeling safe. I definitely have pushed some boundaries, but I only learned from that and I can safely say that I am not concerned about any habits regarding alcohol. I learned limits, learned how to be safe, and who I feel safe with. It’s possible. College doesn’t have to drive every moral out of your body. But you dont EVER need to drink either. Especially if it’s not safe for your lifestyle. 

I have dealt with binging, and the lack of physical desire to eat anything. My appetite has been known to disappear completely in the light of big changes in my life. Graduating high school and beginning college took over 15 pounds from my body. I am not at a healthy weight, but just because I lost that weight, doesn’t mean I was any more healthy. Then I went through binging stages again. Now?? I still struggle, but I have a dorm filled with food and sugar and sodas and alcohol and I don’t feel like I need any of it right now. I am able to monitor myself and when I can’t, I talk to my friends that I love. I try and work through it. Now that I have control, and not my parents, I have gotten a handle on some things. 

I used to almost completely lack independence. It was scary, and my mother is still frequently worried for me. My biggest problem is sleep and attending class. I don’t have that figured out, I won’t for a long while. But I can take buses on my own, fix problems on my own, do my work alone, sleep and spend hours in my room alone. I’m not kidding; spending more than 4 hours alone at a time would leave me depressed, lonely, and self destructive. That’s terrifying to feel like that. You tell yourself no one can handle someone so needy and you hate yourself more. But being on my own taught me it’s possible and I’ve learned what distracts me, I am able to remind myself to eat, take care of myself and get things done. Whenever I begin to feel too alone, I do my make up and clean my apartment. I have a bath. I play music and walk around and just sing a bit. These habits keep me company and distract me. I also chose to have a roommate literally in the same room with me for my first semester. It’s given me a partner in crime and someone to talk things out with. Sometimes we just sit on our beds and watch netflix with headphones and it’s the healthiest “alone time” I’ll ever have. 

I can safely say that I’m no longer terrified of romantic or sexual connections with people. That doesn’t mean I have a strong desire for either, or in some cases, I actually have little to none. But I don’t have a fear of it. I have come to accept I am capable of these connections, but not reliant on them and that’s pretty cool. It took a lot of damn mistakes to come to this conclusion but that’s okay. 

With being independent comes dealing with something I am horrifyingly bad at dealing with. Pain. Algophobia: a persistent fear of pain that is more intense than the average person deals with. It may sound fake or even something that just everyone in general deals with, as no one likes pain. But I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had breakdowns over just the thought of getting sick when my family starts to get sick. I can’t explain the violent vomiting that can last hours when I have cramps because all I can fixate on is the pain. It’s the fear of having something in your body that controls you and dictates what you do that day. I’ve stayed home from classes, work, outings with friends and so on because there is a possibility I could be in pain during that day. And I literally have never admitted this to anyone, but one particular incident made me realize just how badly this could get for me. One time when in pain, I had taken over triple the amount of advil allowed within four hours and ran my short nails back and forth over my cheek enough to leave a scar that is still there. I hadn’t even noticed, I was panicking that badly. 

^ Now, I’m able to calm myself down and function like other people can when in certain levels of pain. It hasn’t gone away, I still have extreme anxiety over the thought of being in pain and it sounds so pathetic, I know, but it literally was such a driving force in my life and I hated it. I’ve been sick several times at school and I haven’t had a sobbing fit or mental breakdown yet. I’m also able to do it alone instead of waking someone up at 3am to come calm me down because I’m in pain and my panic attacks are going to make me pass out.