#i hate that I want to do this now
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smorkin
#my art#oc#murdoch#dragon#anthro#furry#deer#illustration#i've been fiddling with this for ages lol but i'm leaving it alone now#wanted to render his jacket more but uhhhh maybe the simplicity works better. or i cant render#anyway murdoch is so fun to draw i can't lie. i've been making him worse lately. nastier. more fleshed out#i do love him....and i hate him....and of course i love him....i will put him into a blender. and make art with the viscera#finally figuring out the story he's from and FINALLY designed the protag he'll be deeply involved with#been trying to design this girlie for more than half a year...hopefully i will draw her nicely at some point#anyway PEACE and sorry to the monthly art draw people i have been busy but i will finally do the draw tomorrow
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When you spend 20 years attempting to bring down the child slavery, murdering, human trafficking exploitation ring that stole your childhood, murdered your friends, and killed countless innocents only to have them rebrand as 'Noble Freedom Fighters™' off-screen.
#rip zevran's crusade against the crows >:(#when people said they wanted to be crows they didn't want devs to make the faction nice so we won't feel bad or conflicted about it#people wanted to be conflicted! they wanted to see the faction in all its glitz and glamour - then see what it hid beneath all the mystique#choose to play as a crow that loves the life/hates it/is undecided/etc...#but i'm sorry i forgot that this game doesn't want to do 'role play' options my bad#i will not stand for this zevran erasure!!!#they set up a schism with zevran's da2 codex entry - with other crows joining him!#have the antivan crows faced with a threat that challenged their outlook on why they fight#have the talons be the one to sell out antiva! in exchange for allowing their business to resume (have it be a sneaky reveal!!!)#their work has purpose and order to it so the antaam might agree! they're like 'babys first ben-hassrath!'#have Crows look around at their own home - see the vendor they bought fruit from disappear or the smiling old lady now cowed by grief#then have them decide to DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT#have a schism! have Zevran take in Crows who are unhappy - have them realize how shit the organization is!#boom! somewhat-noble freedom fighters! (they're doing their best okay)#if there were differences between different crow houses they needed to explain it better...let us talk to Lucanis! I want to know him :(#my art <3#dragon age#datv critical#datv spoilers#dragon age the veilguard#zevran arainai
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well - webtoons is over, gang
#sci speaks#if everyone would please just read the blog at it's intended home on tumblr#and please stop getting me to waste my energy on all these other sites that i hate then that would be primo wonderful#tapas and webtoons are actual shitholes. convenient to read sure whatever. but i hate the format anyway#and how they treat their creators.#not to mention the way tapas gamifies their interface so you're like on a fucking gambling site?? like if temu were a webcomic service?#what happened to the internet being a free and fun place for anyone to post anything.#noo. copyright laws because we want to make money we can't just host anything out of the spirit of fun and freedom#what about the money??? what if we risk money??#internet used to be a better place. i hate the earth as it is right now. the internet is like a mine that corporations dug into.#and destroyed. right in front of my eyes.#it used to be a beautiful green pasture with wildlife roaming and now it has been flattened and turned into an ugly shopping mall.#the things i do for you guys who really. really wanted me to archive it somewhere else.#i''m not doing it anymore. it is here until tumblr dies or we all enentually die and all our efforts are lost to the sands of time.#nothing matters in a cosmic sense anyway. enjoy it while it's here.
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It’s…high noon…?
#In my defence I drew this on a plane.#I’ve been wanting to draw high noon viktor for AGESSS#and now that I have….! I hate it#i must do it again.#smh#my art#arcane#league of legends#arcane viktor#arcane jayce#jayce talis#jayvik
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I think the Batkids reaction to a Bruce who isn't de-aged to 8 but rather 29 (pre-Jason death, post his adoption) would be fascinating.
Their reaction would vary wildly:
Dick: Oh. Bruce is soft again. Bruce calls them ‘chum’ and ‘buddy’ and gives head pats for no reason. He still isn’t perfect, his communication skills are still a work in progress, but compared to his future self? Without actively dying Dick is hugged plenty. Bruce asks him to go to the zoo, unrelated to any case, just to spend time together. Dick is hit with more nostalgia and longing for the past than he knows what to do with.
Also notable: his dad is younger than him. That is something. Second, holy existential crisis Batman, his dad is younger than him and already one adult and one teenage kid??? Dick is not ready to feel this old yet. Third, Dick has absolutely no idea how Bruce managed to stay patient through his no-pants years. He is going to thank reason every day from now on that Damian wears full protection.
Jason: After his death and League he clung to an image of Bruce. One many tried to beat out of him, but he still kept it somewhere close to his heart, buried deep enough even he couldn’t see it. When he came back Bruce wasn’t like this idea of him. How stupid of him to believe the mind of a traumatized kid. Trying to create one good thing before the kid drew his last breath. Making up memories that never even existed.
But they did. Every smile and hug and even his words reflect the image tugged safely against his still-beating heart. His dad very clearly, very deeply loves him. Which is so much worse. Because he can understand why a Bruce, who never cared, didn’t kill the Joker. But he cares. So why the fuck did he not kill the Joker?
Tim: The reason he joined the family, the reason why he became Robin in the first place was because he saw a problem when Bruce started self-destructing and thought ‘Someone needs to fix that!’. Therefore he went and collected Dick, who didn’t seem keen on fixing it. So, the job fell to him to fix it.
He thought he did a good job, he thought he fixed the problem. Except now he sees who Bruce was, and he knows he failed. Their Bruce is less soft, less affectionate, less like he was before. Batman needs a Robin and Tim didn’t manage to be good enough of one to save him.
[Or: Tim has a guilt complex a hundred miles wide and blames himself for things that aren’t his fault part 52]
Steph: Jason and she are very similar. Both come from the Narrows, both have a mother addicted to drugs and a shitty father. The differences start when Steph keeps waiting on the roof of their apartment for Batman to whisk her away, while Jason tries to steal the tires of the Batmobile and is taken in.
When Steph started out as Spoiler Bruce tried to keep her off the field, and obviously this one would too (even if he would probably be less paranoid about it), but she knows this Bruce would have also taken her in. This Bruce would be the father she always wished for when she sat on their roof and couldn’t see any stars.
And she didn’t get to have this because Jason went ahead and died. (Of course, she knows she isn’t fair to the guy. Dying isn’t fun… And she knows the only reason she lived is because he died. When Batman rescued her from Black Mask she was in such terrible shape that Leslie managed to convince the World’s Greatest Detective that she died. If Jason hadn’t died Bruce wouldn’t have been as paranoid, wouldn’t have noticed her missing so soon, wouldn’t have been as urgent in his response. Would have been just a minute slower, a minute which would have killed her. Just as it had Jason.)
For her, this Bruce is a distorted mirror into a past which never was.
Cass: This Bruce and B are not the same person. They don’t move the same. In a fight, this Bruce is younger, faster, stronger. Doesn’t compensate for a previously broken spine. Less experienced. Still one of the most experienced she knows, but less.
He still moves differently, outside a fight, less pain. More likely to engage in physical affection, more likely to hug and pat and talk. He talks more than B. B knows what she means without words. This Bruce doesn’t.
She likes this Bruce, warmth, and softness. But not as much as B. He knows what she means, when she wants a hug, when she tells him ‘I love you’ without words. B doesn’t need words. This Bruce doesn’t know her, doesn’t communicate like her. She wants B back.
Damian: At first, when this version of his father seemed uncanny and oddly familiar, he assumed it to be due to the stories of his mother. After all, she always told him tales about his father. He simply did not have the frame of reference to understand the kindness she spoke of. Clearly, the clash between the ideals of the League and the ones of his father causes these feelings, just as they did when he first entered the manor.
He presumed this to be the case until one day on patrol Batman laid a hand on his shoulder and told him he did a good job after no particularly impressive fight and he nearly called him ‘Grayson’. Because the stories of his mother may have painted the picture of this version of his father, however, it wasn’t what made it familiar; no, he knew this kindness. These hugs and compliments one would bestow upon a child. Compliments which, despite the indignity, still warm him. Because Grayson learned how to be a… caregiver from his father.
His father used to be like Grayson, used to be until his grief hardened him. Damian could have had this. Damian could have a brother and father who would- But he doesn’t because of Todd. He loathes Todd. Loathes him for ruining the life he could have had.
Why did he die anyway? Damian certainly wouldn’t have a problem escaping bonds created by the Joker, Damian would have disarmed the bomb in time, Damian would have never thrown this life away like he did.
[Or: Damian is a child who was raised by assassins and has unreasonable standards for fighting abilities and also is a child who needs to focus his rage on someone.]
Duke: He was neither there before Jason died nor in the aftermath [according to my math he was around 4 when Jason died] he joined the family when Jason was already back for 4 years or so. He mostly skipped all the drama. For him, Bruce is the way Bruce is because he is Bruce. It’s weird to see him so different, to see how grief shaped parts of Bruce which Duke assumed were just Bruce things.
He’s glad this Bruce is brighter, or not because it just highlights how much that light will dim? Who knows, certainly not him.
What he does know is that, with their Bruce, he has a distance which, with his parents still alive, he appreciates. With this Bruce, he can understand why Dick struggled so much whether he wants to be his ward or son, how he doesn’t want to replace his parents but still have this Bruce as a dad. It definitely explained the ted talk Dick tried to give him after Bruce officially took him in as a ward.
He likes this Bruce well enough, but he doesn’t necessarily want him to stay this way. Yes, their Bruce is less happy, less open but he did heal, he did grow. Duke met a Bruce who tried to learn from his mistakes, learned to communicate better, and learned when to pull and when to push. For Tim, Damian, Dick, and certainly Jason there is too much baggage, too much history in their relationships, it’s difficult for them to ever move past- anything really.
Sure, when Dick and Bruce are on the same page they are essentially invincible but then the past catches up again and they don’t talk to each other for months. And honestly? Apart from Cass, Duke’s pretty sure he has one of the best relationships with Bruce simply because he got to know him at a better time.
Duke doesn’t mind this Bruce. But their Bruce loved Jason, cared for him so deeply the scars still show to this day. And he still chooses to open up again even if just a bit by bit. Even if just Duke can see it. He is used to being the only one that can see.
And maybe knowing this care extends to him, this love even grief can’t shake? Maybe it makes him feel just a little bit safer, a little bit warmer, a little bit brighter.
#Anyway Alfred is just very sad.#Also i like to believe Bruce learned from each of his kids#just that Dick wanted space and Jason closeness#Tim just wanted Bruce to be more careful and steph wanted him to do more#and bruce kind of tried to learn and then applied the thing that would have been amazing for one kid for another who hates it#by now he kind of gets that one solution isn't going to work for all his kids.#but his relationships are already strained#bruce wayne#jason todd#cassandra cain#dick grayson#tim drake#damian wayne#duke thomas#batfam#batfamily#stephanie brown#batdad#de aging#fic ideas#batman#i have thoughts on Steph & Jason parallels#most of them come from writers not caring about steph but still#that makes them even more interesting to me
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I love Tumblr because nothing matters here truly. There are no influencers. Having followers doesn’t mean anything. It’s just a site where people post their sporadic thoughts and rb pretty pictures. Anyone who thinks any of this matters is woefully missing the point
#I joined tumblr for the aesthetics and now I’m here bc it’s the most low pressure social media to be on#Instagram is ppl’s highlight reel but Tumblr is where u see their pure thoughts unobstructed and I adore that#It’s very nice to have people to relate to and is def the main appeal to me but I don’t think there’s much more to it than that genuinely#Monetization on tumblr isn’t a thing and probably won’t be so it feels stupid to put more stake than necessary in it. Like you’re in the#Trenches over tumblr of all things. Embarrassing#I know chronically online people exist bc I have seen them in my or somebody else’s inbox but imagine waking up at 70 one day and the#Realization hitting u like a freight time that u wasted all ur time thinking tumblr. TUMBLR. This dying website. Has enough weight for u to#be sending anon hate or reviewing ppl’s blogs like they’re some kind of product. Brother this is licherally tumblr#I choose to laugh at this behavior than take it seriously bc absolutely no one is driving me crazy on my OWN blog. On tumblr dot com.#I refuse#I will do whatever I want forever etc
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Look what we've become.
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#jiang cheng#Initially I wanted to do a 'Mutiny' quote to follow the 'Luck runs out' quote.#But the musical earworms demanded a different blood to be drawn. And I think it works just as well.#Alright. It's time to confess something. I really struggled with this comic. I didn't want to draw it. Then I didn't want to upload it.#Because I knew I would be here in the tags writing and backspacing for hours trying to articulate my thoughts.#I'm going to talk about death and grief in the tags today so this is your WARNING to look away if you aren't in a headspace for it.#Sometimes in media there are scenes and characters which land on topics so specific to your wounds that it reopens them all over again.#Because here's the truth. When you've known someone like this for nearly your whole life...it doesn't matter how bad the fight is.#You always think 'We'll always have time. One day this dust will settle and we'll rebuild the bridge.'#And then the fucker dies!!! He dies and suddenly there will never ever be time to repair the rift.#Someone you loved died thinking you hated them. And part of you did just a bit. But love and hate aren't mutually exclusive.#He's fucking dead and you are left with so many broken and unfinished pieces between the two of you.#Jiang Cheng loses Wei Wuxian thinking that WWX thought they hated each other.#He's a younger brother who will one day be older than the person he lost.#Who has no one else in the world who understands those feelings of love and hate and grief.#I can't be normal about this character. I don't think he even heals me. Zero catharsis to be gained here.#I just look at his sour grape ass and think 'shit that's a little too close to home.' JC is my discomfort character.#I'm probably going to regret being this vulnerable in the tags in like. An hour. So. sorry if you see this once and never again.#EDIT: Yeah sorry this took 4 hours to muster the courage to post. Surprise update!#EDIT 2: You guys were being too nice to me on my sad comic to point out the spelling error. I have fixed it now B'*)
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Pain is a great motivator…
Part 26 || First || Previous || Next
—Full Series—
Meanwhile Toriel:
(Loud noises don't wake her up usually.)
Artist note: I’m so proud of this :))) I know it’s a lot of dialogue and reading, but dialogue is grueling work for me. I’m glad with the art and for the amount of pages I made in such a relatively short time span -w- page 5 was super fun to work on. A lot of blood, sweat, and hours here... :) The backgrounds were a big bore tbh, but I finished them! Yippie!
#CHARA WTF DO YOU MEAN “COMPUTER”????#lol i hope you guys dont hate me for what im doing in the next update.#IS THAT A MAC OS???#Yes......owo''#Kris and the Gang are LITTLE now. I've pixelated them and turned them into little game characters!#FINALLY!!#I never thought I would be going so far in the story to explain WHY Kris pulls out their SOUL and opens Darkfountains even when they killed#Berdly in Chapter 2. Pain can make people do horrible things.#Uhhhhhhhhh anyways. :3 I hope you liked it! I made this post a little too long for my liking and didnt get it out when i wanted too-#but thats okay! As long as people enjoy it :)#bread#art#deltarune chara timeline#deltarune chara timeline comic#seriously though#long post#man am I glad I switched over to the limited color palet! It helps me feel alot more relaxed uwu#This is....way over 16 hours of work q-q#chara#asriel#susie#kris#asriel dreemurr#kris dreemurr#kris deltarune#susie deltarune#deltarune#comic#my art
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Hello ! I positively adore the running joke of Idia unknowingly finding Lilia to be the coolest guy ever whenever he doesn't know it's him, like when Silver described his father, or obviously with muscle red. I can't say what'd be funnier, Idia finding out his online best friend is actually Lilia, resident spooky hyper fairy; or them both never finding out, and it'd become even more ridiculous as time goes on. How do you think it'll play out ? You're always so on point
(Also, though it makes sense, I'm still devastated bat boy didn't get a ticket for the Halloween skeleton train : ( does anyone mentions him at some point ? Like how he'd have fit right in with all those Halloween town little freaks, and how he'd have impressed them with his spooks and scared techniques; after all he's been every Briar Valley's children worst fear on Halloween for centuries. I'm on the eng server and I didn't wanna spoil myself by watching the whole thing on youtube)
Have a nice day !
you and me both, Idia and Lilia being oblivious online BFFs (+ Idia being incredibly intimidated any time Silver brings up his jock gamer dad) is my favorite running joke/subplot. 🤝 it's SO good, to the point where I also am unsure if I actually want it to ever be resolved or not...maybe, like, as a post-canon stinger or something? everyone's standing around covered in overblot ink, and Idia and Lilia's phones go off at the same time...
(legit I do think this is part of why Idia couldn't be present for Lilia's dream, because for some reason Lilia decided he was going to just. embody his past self online. he probably quotes his own battle strategies or whatever in the middle of boss fights. Idia didn't pick up on the whole "oh how weird that we both live on a super remote island" thing, but he would spend thirty seconds listening to General Lilia describing siege warfare and be like "w-wait")
all that aside, however it does end up happening, I do see Lilia being very blasé and all "oh! cool!" about it. y'know, taking it very much in stride! and Idia...very much not.
(can't tell if tumblr is going to chew this into illegibility or not, this will be a fun surprise ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ)
as for Lilia sadly missing out on Halloweentown shenanigans...he does get one little mention as part of an offhand reference to the light music club, but so far no one has brought up how this basically is just Lost In the Book of Liliatown (Sebek's been too busy yelling about not getting to be in the same group as Malleus). 😔 honestly though, it's probably for the best that he got left out, because he would just settle right in and refuse to ever leave. canon would shatter. we would miss out on all the delightful angst of episode 7 because Lilia is too busy eating poisonous shrubbery inbetween practicing his very best screams, and no one can pull him away from it.
(I can hope for a sequel next year though...)
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#gentle spoilers but y'know. just in case#lost in the book with nightmare before christmas#hajimari no halloween#most of the kitchen scene was jade messing with the firsties and that was so delightful that i didn't think til after#that you'd think sebek would have made some kind of reference to lilia 'i lost my tastebuds in the war' vanrouge's quote-unquote cooking#ah well. jade being mean is more than entertaining enough#looking forward to more of it tomorrow!#god. lilia and idia though.#lilia is like. genuinely idia's best friend and neither of them have any idea#and idia keeps doing that 'ha ha what if we were friends out of game too? what if we met offline? jk jk jk uNLESS...👉👈'#and then he immediately chickens out because he's so convinced that crimson will hate him if they ever met irl#(meanwhile lilia is just like 'my online bestie is so cool :) la la la')#they are both so stupid and i love them so much#i've just realized that i actually do want them to find out each other's identities#because idia doesn't just go to school with his online bff#he ALSO goes to school with his online bff's extremely supportive and extremely socially-inept kids#idia is going to get invited to dinner at diasomnia and it's going to be SO awkward#silver is going to give a long formal speech thanking him for being a stalwart comrade and trusted warrior brother to his father#as sebek stews in jealousy that idia got to fight by lilia-sama's side >:(#while idia sits there like 'all i did was link him a video about lane control for his character class'#malleus will make such an effort to learn literally anything about online gaming and he won't understand a word of it#it will be SUCH a disaster and i very much do want it now
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listen persona fivers u guys can all personally hate morgana but to fabricate that joker also dislikes him is absolutely insane. that cat went missing for THREE DAYS and akira was literally going through all five stages of grief. literally picked up his schoolbag and started crying bc he was like “oh it’s so light without mona in it………where is he where are you where is my cat”
that bratty little cat is literally his BABY yes of fucking course he loves him he can’t properly function without that little brat cat
#like it’s absolutely insane when i hear mona slander bc i literally cry every time hes like#“i want to stay with you forever” or like “i know my place now. it’s here by your side” LIKE HOW DO PPL HATE HIM HE LOVES US SO MUCH ☹️☹️☹️#mona haters are the BIGGEST red flags stay the fuck away from me#persona 5#p5
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Amity Park hates the Justice League but loves Red Hood and sometimes other heroes
A/n: I got this random idea so here it is. Oh, and this is good reveal AU ok?
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Due to the Justice League mocking them and ignoring their villain problems that were also publicly interdimensional problems, everyone hates the JL. It got worst with the GIW coming in, who blatantly went against the meta-laws (which included aliens, demons and so much more that weren't human from the beginning). They started to think the Justice League supported them.
In the Infinite Realms, however, there's a revenant that many adored and others respected. He did not hold back against criminals. Criminals that would rape, kill, traffic, sell drugs, and more to people. He especially didn't like when they brought kids into this. He'd avenge people the way they should've been: by promising that their abuser/killer/whatever wouldn't be able to do it again. And in the place they lived in, the only way for that to be possible was by major injury, heavy social outcasting, and/or death. Most prefer the 3rd.
And after how long the Amitians dealt with the attacks which eventually came to a slow once or twice a week type thing, they started opening their minds to the idea of coexistence. Well, further than they had. So when people started to cross over and start making their small haunts in their side of the veil, the Amitian's began to become aware of the popular hero Red Hood. He was part of the undead community, which was trustworthy in everyone's books.
So Amity Park started making merch. Most of it was for Team Phantom, but there was plenty for Red Hood as well. There were other heroes on the side, like for Superboy 1 (who they renamed to Supernova due to their hatred for Superman for 2 reasons, the obvious and that he rejected a mirror-born), and Raven (the half demon).
And with this coexistence, Team Phantom had noticed the positive feedback about killing in the name of vengeance. So they went on the offensive, and after a good year of that, the GIW lost funding for producing no results and just taking up resources. The acts were still there, but nobody enacted them in Amity, and nobody actually knew or believed them outside of the haunted city.
Then the Justice League find out about the hero group there due to tracking merchandise after they started to sell outside of the city. Superman was the guy everyone liked, so he was sent over. He immediately got thrown out and was now questioning who the heck Supernova was and when he rejected him.
Flash? Outcast. Everyone ignored and walked away from him. they had the police, who never did anything or even had to anymore, kick him out.
Green Lanter? Oh the poor guy. He had his ring taken away and thrown out of the city somehow. It took hours to find it.
Wonder Woman, they had to be ok with her. Not at first, but once Phantom had a talk with her and people learned that they were cousins through Clockwork (Kronos) and Pandora, they were ok. ish. Tolerated was the best word and she got the info back to the league.
The batfamily took a trip there, dragging Red Hood along somehow. And right when Red Hood was noticed, a crowd began to form as everyone practically worshipped him. There were many victims he had avenged and an Ancient (Lady Gotham) came and gave him the gifts she couldn't without scaring the guy.
At one point, the poor guy even cried.
#dc x dp#danny phantom#justice league#red hood#amitians hate the justice league#Amitians do like some non-local heroes#I didn't mention this but I bet Amitians would also know a lot of not very popular heroes/vigilantes/etc. due to the ghosts#so they're probably the most supportive town in all honesty#Red Hood deserves some appreciation though so here it is#I bet he's a celebrity in the realms#and as for Kon#I bet that the public just start calling him Supernova and he eventually adopts the name because everyone's already calling him that#He'd also be pretty happy about it once he finds out that he has fans that support him being a clone (mirror-born)#He is no longer a clone but a mirror-born now#Tim changed his files#Trigon was arrested for abuse by Walker after Raven was made known to him#Raven's mother paid her daughter a visit with Phantom's help#I just want happy moments right now#I probably should've put these tags in the actual post#but I liked how the ending sounded
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bruce wayne dilf agenda
#my art#still the wrong watermark i dont want to talk about it#bruce wayne#batman#batman fanart#dc comics#u know the type of drawing that u rush#and you know that in a year ull look back and be like#wow this looks like shit#yeah#but its fine for now#i definitely do not hate it already haha no not me#anyways
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The eating peanuts line never leaves my head. John, there's people that are dying.
#i finished this two years ago and havent touched it since then#so i hate the way it looks now#but i do agree with the sentiment#and i wanted to post it#the locked tomb#harrow the ninth#nona the ninth#gideon the ninth#mercymorn the first#john gaius#i fought with the tumblr image resolution for like an hour and im done
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i'm in one of those phases where i really wish i believed in manifesting and spellcasting and things like that bc you know when you want something so bad you're literally praying for the universe to let it happen
#ramble#this is not me judging by the way i think it's cool as fuck i just don't do it personally#context: a lot of my 'dream jobs' are now just 'ways to make money that i might not absolutely hate'#but i have one (1) legit dream job and it's literally FINGERTIPS away from me right now#i feel like most people who know me can guess what it is and know how badly i want it#i'm not even letting myself daydream about it or talk about it too much because i'm so afraid of not getting it and being disappointed#and also i don't want to like. jinx it#i've tried so many times before but this is the closest i've ever been and i feel SICK i want to bite something
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etho sketch, don't have time to color cuz then I'll spend hours on it and I won't have time to do my school work that I've been procrastinating on
#ethoslab#etho fanart#hermitcraft#hermitcraft smp#hermitcraft fanart#hermitblr#mcyt#digital art#sketch#doodle#fanart#my art#i hate doing school work#i hate school i genuinely just want to stay home watching and drawing minecraft ppl#i played batminton with 4 dudes in pe today#we passed it on each other in 5 different spots it was really fun#my right arm is so sore tho#and im physically exhausted cuz im not a sport person#yea thats it now time to cry and do travel work and my eng lit summary#yorix art
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Sick of It
in which Tommy gets sick, and he and Buck head towards making up.
The first time Buck gets a call from a number he doesn't recognize, he ignores it.
He does the same the second time too.
The third time, he waits for it to go to voicemail so he can block it.
“Why don't you just answer?” Hen asked, annoyed by his grumbling. “Might be something important.”
“No. Someone gave my number to a debt collector and I've been dodging calls for a Victor Fornell all week. It's nothing.”
He'd barely had time to block the number and resume his search for new bread recipes when Bobby was walking out of his office and calling out to him on the couch.
“Buck, Captain Dominick just called me.”
The name got Buck's attention fast. He stood. “The captain at 217? Why? Wh- What's wrong?”
“Calm down, Buck. Tommy didn't show up for work today and Dominick couldn't get ahold of him. You heard from him lately?”
“N- No. No, I- Was Captain Dominick the one trying to call me?”
Bobby nodded. “Apparently, Tommy put you down as his emergency contact a few months ago. Like I said, could be nothing,” he repeated, noticing Buck's heavy breathing, “it's just not exactly like him to not show up.”
“No,” Buck agreed. “No, it's not. Um, Boss, I-”
Bobby held up a hand to stop him. “I'm not stopping you,” he said, “but I also don't want you going alone. Chim,” he said, glancing around Buck to see all the others paying close attention, “why don't you head out with Buck and see what's going on?”
Chimney nodded, getting up and heading for the stairs. “Let me grab my bag and keys!” he called out to Buck. “I'll meet you at the car.”
Buck already had his phone pulled up to Tommy's name, typing out a text to ask if he was okay. He sent one text, then another, then another.
“Eddie, ha- have you talked to him at all? Since we, um, since the breakup?”
Eddie shook his head. “He broke up with you,” he reasoned. “I figured that's the end of that.”
“You're joking.”
“You're my best friend, Man, I wasn't gonna take his side.”
“Eddie, you've gotta b-”
“Okay, okay,” Bobby interrupted. “Buck, you need to get going.”
Buck turned his phone toward Bobby, eyes pleading. “He... He's not answering me, Bobby.”
“Go.”
*****
“His spare key is in one of these,” Buck said, lifting up rock after rock in the flower bed at the front of Tommy's house.
“We could try knocking on the door first, Buck.”
“Yeah, yeah,” Buck replied, waving Chimney off. “Try it. I'll keep looking.”
Chimney knocked three times, then waited. Called out Tommy's name, and knocked again.
“Maybe he's out?” Chimney suggested just as Buck found the fake rock.
“His car is here, Chim.”
“Could've gone for a walk.”
“When he's supposed to be at work?”
“Just trying to be positive here.”
Buck unlocked the door and entered slowly, afraid of what he might find. “Tommy?!” he called. “T- Tommy, it's Evan.”
“And Howie!” Chimney added. “You here, Buddy?”
They waited for an answer, then continued on into the house when they didn't get a reply.
It was dark inside, the only light filtering in through a couple of open windows.
It was messy too, which was unlike Tommy. He was always so put together; had a space for everything and liked it that way.
But now there were half empty glasses on the kitchen counter, dishes in the sink. Take out containers were on the coffee table in the living room.
There was also a ridiculous amount of plants on every available surface.
“I think Tommy might have you beat in the breakup grief department, Buckley.”
Buck ignored him in favor of calling for Tommy again. “Tommy! You here?”
“I'll check the garage,” Chimney said, he and Buck splitting up to cover more area. Buck headed down the hallway, tilting his head a bit when he noticed a light shining from underneath the bathroom door.
“Tommy?” Buck felt anxious in a way he wasn't sure he'd ever felt before. As he neared the bathroom, he heard a weak groan, and then the sound of someone shuffling.
Every horrible thought ran through his head in a matter of seconds. What if Tommy was hurt? What if someone had tried to murder him? What if that was the murderer on the other side of the door right now?
“I'm coming in!” he exclaimed, shoving the door open as he braced himself for whatever was waiting on the other side.
And there was Tommy, lying on the bathroom floor. Not murdered, but definitely not okay.
“Oh my God,” Buck breathed out. “Chimney, in here!”
Buck knelt down beside Tommy, who was curled on his side, eyes clenched shut, practically vibrating with chills even as sweat covered his face.
“Tommy, what's wrong? Wh- What happened?” he asked, resting a hand over Tommy's forehead. He was burning up.
“I- I passed out, I think,” Tommy replied, teeth chattering. He managed to turn his head enough to look up at Buck. “I- Why're you here?”
“Doesn't matter. Chim!”
“I'm here, I'm here,” Chimney said, rounding the corner. “Whoa! Whatcha doin' on the floor, Tommy?” he asked, managing to keep his cool far better than Buck.
“I'm really... I'm okay, guys.” Tommy's weak voice betrayed his words.
“Don't think that's true, Man. Buck, mind giving us a little room?”
Buck nodded, pushing the hair off Tommy's forehead before standing and moving to the doorway.
Chimney knelt beside Tommy, putting on a pair of gloves before beginning to look him over.
“You fall?”
“K- Kinda. I felt like I wa- was gonna puke, so I was l- l... leaning over the toilet. Then I must've passed out.”
Chimney began to feel around his head and neck. “Can you tell me the year?”
“2024.”
“Your name?”
“Tommy K- Kinard.”
“And where are you right now?”
“Ugh,” Tommy groaned, a look of disgust on his face. “My bathroom floor.”
“Alright. I don't think you've got a concussion, but there's definitely something going on.”
“Ya... Ya think?” Tommy deadpanned.
“There's that humor we all know and love. I need to look you over, Bud, but I'm gonna have to move you a little. Can you turn to me a bit so you're laying flat?”
Slowly, Tommy turned, briefly glancing up at an anxious Buck before closing his eyes. “Hurts,” he grunted.
Carefully, Chimney began to feel around his abdomen. “Tommy, you still got your appendix?”
Tommy shook his head. “No."
“What first brought you into the bathroom?”
“Had t- to pee.” He sucked in a shaky breath, a bead of sweat dripping down his temple. “Then puke. Then I mu- must've passed out.”
“Mm.” Chimney felt around Tommy's midsection, stopping when Tommy practically jerked away from him. “You been having pain in your side?”
“Mhm.”
“What about your back and/or groin?”
Tommy curled back in on himself, lying sideways on the bathroom floor. “Yeah.”
“Chim?” Buck spoke up from the doorway. “What is it?”
Chimney raised a finger at him. “One second.” He turned back to Tommy, pulling a infrared thermometer out of his bag and pointing it at Tommy's forehead. He whistled when the temperature popped up. “Quite the fever you've got there. Tommy, does it hurt when you pee?”
Tommy managed to glare aback at him.
“It's important, Bud.”
“Mmm,” Tommy groaned. “Mhm. Yeah, i- it does.”
Chimney nodded. He placed the thermometer back in the bag and rested a hand on Tommy's shoulder. “I believe that you, my friend, have a kidney infection. A pretty bad one at that. How long have you been hurting for?”
“Few... Few days. Not this bad though.”
“I'm gonna call for an ambulance. Infection this bad might've gone into your bloodstream. Buck's gonna stay with you while I wait outside for the ambulance, okay?”
“It's really,” he had to stop as a wave of chills came over him. “Really no problem.”
Chimney rolled his eyes, standing and turning to Buck. “I'm afraid he might be close to septic shock,” he whispered. “He's gonna keep fighting against going to the hospital though, however weak he might be. Talk some sense into your man while I put the call in.”
“He's not my-” Chimney pushed past him and headed down the hall, “man.”
Buck moved back into the small space next to Tommy. Hesitantly, he reached out, his hand hovering over Tommy's arm. He'd touched him before, when he was checking for a fever. That had been in a rush, without much thought.
Now, he wasn't sure. Wasn't sure if he was allowed to touch.
He pushed the thought aside as another almost violent wave of chills overcame Tommy.
“It's okay,” he soothed, running his hand up and down Tommy's arm. “It's okay. Chimney's got an ambulance on the way.”
“I think... I just n- need to rest. I- I'll be okay,” he tried to insist. “It's n- nothing.”
“Tommy, it's not nothing. You're crying right now.” Buck leaned forward, gently running his thumb across Tommy's cheek, wiping away a tear. He'd never seen him like this before, and it was terrifying. “Do you wanna try to get up? Would it be more comfortable to wait on th- the ambulance in bed?”
“Don't think I can. Everything gets t- to dizzy when I move.”
“Okay. That's okay. Here, why don't I...” Buck's voice drifted off as he maneuvered Tommy and himself into a better position. One where Tommy's neck wasn't awkwardly angled down in a way that was sure to cause him more pain later.
By lifting Tommy's head slightly (and slowly), Buck managed to slide between him and the bathtub. He straightened out his legs, one on either side of Tommy, then gently rested Tommy's head on his stomach.
Tommy, still on his side, unconsciously curled his hand around Buck's thigh, gripping onto his pants.
It was quiet for a bit, then, “Ev- Evan?”
“I'm here, Tommy,” Buck answered quietly, running his fingers through Tommy's unkept and sweaty curls, softly massaging his head.
“It r-” his voice was cut off by a jerk, chills prickling up all over his body, “really hurts.”
“I know. Help will be here soon.”
“I- I tried to ignore it.”
“I can tell. Not sure that was the wisest choice.”
The side of Tommy's mouth managed to lift into a small smile, but as soon as it was there, it was gone, a grimace taking over.
“Maybe... Maybe I j- just need t- to sleep it off.”
“Well, you can sleep it off at the hospital.”
“I don't... I don't think I-”
“You're going to the hospital, Tommy, whether you like it or not,” Buck interrupted, matter-of-factly.
Tommy jerked again, a little whine slipping out as he curled in closer to Buck. “I- I'm sorry,” he said, nearly whimpering. “I'm sorry.”
Buck wanted to cry. Tommy- big, tall, strong, Tommy- looked so incredibly small right now. Like a scared child, afraid he was going to get in trouble for being sick.
Buck held him the best he could without hurting him. “You have nothing to be sorry for, Tommy.”
*****
When Tommy woke up, it was to Buck by his side. He was sitting in the visitor's chair, his head resting on the bed next to Tommy's thigh, their hands intertwined.
It made Tommy's chest ache. He wanted Buck there, wanted him to stay, but he didn't deserve that. He didn't deserve him.
Not anymore.
Tommy wiggled his fingers a bit. He didn't want to startle Buck, but he also thought it'd be best to wake him up.
Buck's head popped up quickly. He let Tommy go, using the back of his hand to wipe away the little bits of drool running down his chin.
“Good morning,” Tommy said, grinning over at him. “Or afternoon?”
“Night,” Buck informed him, causing Tommy to glance toward the window. A drawn shade blocked any potential view.
“I don't... I don't really remember getting here,” Tommy admitted.
“You, uh, you passed out in the ambulance. You'd wake up every once in a while, but you were kinda out of it.”
“Hm,” Tommy hummed. “Long day.”
“That was two days ago, actually.”
“Wow... Long week then, I guess.”
“Yeah.”
After a beat of awkward silence, Buck suddenly stood. “You thirsty?” he asked, pointing over toward the tray table. “I- I can fix you a cup of water.”
“Sure,” Tommy answered. “That'd be good.”
Buck nodded, but didn't move. He stared at the water, making no effort to actually go over and get it.
“Um, Buck?”
“The doctor said twelve more hours and you'd have been a dead man.”
Tommy closed his eyes, readying himself. He knew where this was going. “Buck-”
“What were you thinking, Tommy? You had to have been in pretty bad pain for a few days, at least. You should have gone to the doctor!”
“I know.”
“Or you could have at least called me, or Eddie, or Chimney. Somebody! Let someone know you were sick.”
“They're not my people to call, Buck.”
“Stop calling me that, and don't say that! I don't own them, Tommy, you could have called!”
“Are you really fighting a dying man right now?” Tommy pouted, wincing as moved himself up the bed slightly.
“You're not dying anymore,” Buck corrected, “and yes, I am! Seeing you like that, Tommy, it was... it was terrifying. The idea of you not being around i- is terrifying.”
“I'm sorry. Really, I am. I didn't mean to scare you. I didn't,” Tommy paused, taking a breath. “I didn't really think about calling anyone. It's not what I do when I'm sick. You just power through, you know? I figured I'd get better. Absolutely did not plan on passing out on my bathroom floor. Would have brought a pillow and a blanket with me, made things a little more cozy.”
Buck rolled his eyes. “You're using humor as a defense mechanism.”
Tommy raised his eyebrows. “Is it working?”
“Not even a little bit.”
Tommy sighed, but gave Buck a smile. “Listen, um, thank you for coming and everything. I'm gonna be fine though, so you can-”
Buck's face fell instantly. “I swear to God, if you're telling me to leave.”
“Buck-”
“I told you to quit calling me that! To you, I'm Evan, and I'm not leaving you! I don't know what it is about me that makes you think that that's what I do, but it's not!”
“Evan-”
“And I'm also sick of everyone telling me what I should or shouldn't do, so jot that down!”
“Evan-”
“And I'm sick of you acting like you're not worthy, or whatever the hell you're doing, because it's not true. And I also know you're doing worse than I am with our breakup, which I didn't think was possible! I saw your place, it's a mess! So don't you-”
“Evan!”
“What?!” Buck yelled.
“Why don't you sit down and we'll talk, okay?”
Buck eyed him curiously. “Really?”
“Mhm.” Tommy patted toward the chair beside his bed. “I think we both need it.”
Buck stood straighter, puffing out his chest. “Y- Yeah. Yeah, okay.” He went to sit, but Tommy stopped him before he could.
“But,” he said quickly, “could I get water first? I actually am thirsty.”
“Oh, damn it!” Buck exclaimed, eyes widening. He hurried over to the tray table, pouring a glass of water and grabbing a straw. “Sorry about that,” he said with a little laugh. “Got distracted, you know, yelling at you.”
“It's fine,” Tommy assured him. “I probably deserved it.”
“Oh you definitely did.” He shooed Tommy's hands away from the cup as he brought the straw up to his mouth. “Just sip, I'll hold.”
“Yes, Sir.”
They were both silent for a few seconds while Tommy drank, and then. “Tommy?”
“Yeah?”
“I- I want to be here, okay? I need you to know that.”
Tommy stared up at him, giving him a nod. “Okay,” he replied. “I want you here.”
#bucktommy#911#tommy kinard#evan buckley#911 abc#this is one of those I sat with for too long#and I hate it now#but I don't want to delete it because I spent too much time on it#so here you go#do with it what you will#go with god#rest in peace
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