#i hate mal to no ones surprise | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

macfrog · 6 months ago

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backspin | bbf!frankie

surprise! we're taking a quick detour to fuck around with our brother's best friend again. what else is new.

pairing: bbf!frankie morales x fem!reader summary: you try to get even with frankie. it works. warnings: reader is santiago's younger sister, she and frankie do not get along, enemies to lovers, mention of throwing up, alcohol consumption, cursing, oral, more dickhead frankie and more sassy reader word count: 6.3k

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So, you fucked around with Frankie.

It’s no big deal, right? It was just a one-time thing. There was tension, you guys relieved it. Scratched an itch. Served a purpose. You still fucking hate the guy, and he still fucking hates you.

Nothing’s changed.

Right?

Mal sprays wine all over the kitchen table when you tell her. Gargles a, Sorry – fuck – sorry, through what little of the alcohol is left in her mouth.

You wipe your face clean in the crook of your elbow. It’s in your fucking eyelashes. You blink the room back into focus, and – “Jesus, Mal!”

Dark droplets teeter around the edge of the table, threatening to plunge straight down onto your mom’s chair cushions – thus damning you to her very own personal hell for all eternity. You can feel the flames licking at your feet already.

Your best friend rips a sheet of paper towel and drags it over the wood – white bleeding violet at the first swipe. “Why’d you tell me as I was taking a sip?”

“I didn’t think you’d fucking hose me down,” you hiss, taking the soaked crumple from her hands.

“You didn’t think I’d be a little surprised that you and Catfish Morales hooked up? Are you fucking ser–? Actually, you know what? I’m not that surprised.”

You glare at her from the sink, upper lip curled.

Mallory Bennett has been privy to your every thought since you were six years old. Hand in hand, arms swinging as you marched into first grade together.

Most days, you barely have to open your mouth – one flinching expression, one flash of eye contact, and she can parrot your own thoughts back to you.

Francisco Morales going down on you two nights ago is the first thing you’ve ever had to confess to her. It’s the first thing she never saw coming.

“Shut up,” you breathe, eventually thawing and sweeping over to your chair. The table sticks to your arms when you sit back down.

“There’s a lot to unpack there, alright? A lot of tension. I mean, you gotta fuckin’ feel it. You two hate each other’s guts! And you’re both single, and you’re only here for two weeks. And – he’s Santi’s best friend. It’s just…it’s the perfect storm.”

Another exasperated sigh passes your lips. You settle back, eyes closed, and lift your palm. “Enough. I’ve heard enough.”

“You wouldn’t’ve told me if you didn’t wanna talk about it. Was he good?”

“Mal.”

“Was he?”

“I was drunk. I don’t remember.”

“Bullshit.” Her face screws up; the gold hoops wobble from her ears. “Like hell you don’t remember. Tell me.”

Your eyes slip from her over to Ange. The old pup pushes herself to her feet with a huff, her joints stiff and bones frail. She moseys over to your side. You scratch the back of the dog’s neck, shrugging to Mal.

“Maybe if you hadn’t cheated your way to a free round of drinks, I’d remember enough to share.”

“Fuck you,” she snorts, voice rounded by her wine glass. “Maybe that just means you gotta do it again – sober.”

You scoff.

Angie looks up at you – watery eyes blinking, tail slowly fanning.

Mal’s already recounting the time Frankie snitched on the two of you for raiding your mom’s makeup bag. She waves her hands in the air, eyes bulging.

Do it again. The thought actually makes you want to laugh.

You and Frankie – you and Catfish, hooking up again. As if the first time wasn’t a total mishap, the biggest mistake in judgement you think you’ve ever made.

He drove you home, he made you come, he left.

One nil, right? You have one up on him. You got yours, and he probably went home and jerked off to the thought of it. Alone in his room, tongue licking at the corners of his mouth where he could still taste your release.

You won.

You won, against Frankie Morales.

“…and then fuckin’ – Pope tried to help us tidy it up, remember? He was scrubbing the hell outta the lipstick on the mirror. But that asshole – Frankie,” she seethes, “he went downstairs as soon as your mom came home. As soon as she…And he fucking ratted!”

She growls, balls her fists. Screws her eyes tight shut like the enraged eight-year-old she was back then. She still has the same little crease between her brows. “What the hell got into you that night? We hate him, junior!”

Ange slumps to the floor with a sigh.

“Me too, girl,” you mutter to her, twirling the base of your glass. You look back up at the crazed woman opposite. “I don’t know,” you insist. “I was drunk, we were on our own…It just happened, alright?”

Her shoulders roll in a shrug. She lifts her glass to clink the neck of the bottle against the rim, purple wine spilling in a swirl. “Maybe it’s the start of something.”

You scoff. “Mal. Come on.”

“I’m serious. Perfect storm.”

“Nope. No storm. Stop that.”

She jabs a tipsy finger in your direction. “Let me get this straight. You’re telling me that you messed around with your arch fucking menesis– arch fucking…with – with Frankie, and you just – still feel nothing for him?”

“No,” you admit, “I feel plenty for him. I hate his fucking guts. I used to wish every birthday that he’d disappear. One time in church, when Father Joseph told everybody to bow their heads ‘n pray, I actually asked God to kill him for me.”

“Not Father Joseph!” Mal shrieks, grinning. “He was so fucking hot, by the way, for a dude with no hair. When the sunlight caught that cueball just right…that was a real fucking miracle. Goddamn.”

You bat her snicker away. “Me and Frankie used to brawl so bad that our moms had to separate us,” you continue. “I had to sit in the front seat if we drove anywhere – and that still didn’t stop him! He’d reach around the headrest and flick my fucking ear.”

“You gave as good as you got, though. I’m surprised he can even still get hard, the number of times your foot…” She swings her leg and kicks your thigh softly. “He was an ass, I know.”

“He was an ass then, he’s still an ass now. That’s all there is to it.”

“Okay,” Mal concedes. Her dark, glossy hair surfs around the lip of her wine glass when she leans in. “But you wouldn’t’ve told me unless it was still on your mind. ‘s all I’m saying.”

You throw yourself back with a quick, angry shake of your head. Your tongue flicks over your top lip.

“All I’m saying,” she repeats, holding her hands up.

But I won, you think – in a petulant little whine. Like you could shake your fists and stamp your feet at the same time. You got one up on him. He – he made you…

He made you come. He saw you. Felt you. Tasted you.

He knows what you sound like, whimpering his fucking name. Drunk on him, begging him not to stop. And now, the image of him fisting his cock over the memory of it feels less like a victory, and more like –

Another fucking loss.

You have no idea what he looks like, coming undone. No clue what his fragmented moans sound like as they tear from the bottom of his throat and rain down over you. You don’t know the weight of him in your hands, the wet slip of his tip as he leaks over your tongue.

Mal’s onto something new. Taken by a Facebook post from some girl you went to high school with. Biggest head I ever saw on a fucking baby, she mutters, wincing and then sprinkling a handful of salted peanuts on her tongue.

Frankie’s cocky smirk clouds over the sight of her at the opposite end of your kitchen table.

Francisco fucking Morales. The asshole wins again.

All at once, you hear his rotten little jeers in your ear – curbed painfully by his middle finger searing across your lobe. You feel his heavy palm on your skull, fingers scrunching roughly into your scalp.

A temper boils between your ears, heavy over your head. It feels juvenile, as if it’s armed with a Barbie in one fist and a juice box in the other. Sunken and wallowing in shame and rage, red-hot waves which wash over you as Mal cackles at some video on her phone.

You feel Frankie’s hands around your legs; the flicks of his hair tickling the inside of your thighs. The swarm of butterflies deep in your belly as you watched his figure swagger back across the street to his truck.

Loss after loss after loss. Each one wearing a satisfied smirk and a Standard Oil baseball cap.

Each one staining deeper than red wine in varnished oak.

You grit your teeth.

Frankie –

fucking –

Morales.

Santi floats the idea of a barbecue. Because of course he fucking does.

He says his place is too small, too many neighbors in earshot – and as long as Ms. Teller takes both hearing aids out, she won’t even know it’s happening.

“Just the guys ‘n us,” he chirps. “You, me, Will, Benny…Fran-kie…?”

You gag down the line. Body instinct whenever his name is mentioned, worsened by the latest developments in your relations. Ange glances up from her spot beneath the oak tree – her milky fur stark against the velvet green grass.

Santi chokes on a laugh. “Mal, too, if that helps with the Catfish thing.”

You lean the phone on your collarbone, sitting forward to apply a second coat of polish to your toes. The red gloss shines in the early morning light. “He is not welcome in my house.”

“First off: not your house. Second –”

“My house for the next eleven days.”

He says your name flatly. It sounds like a door being slammed. It shuts you up as though you’re nine again. “…Second: he won’t be in the house. He’ll be in the backyard.”

“You owe me,” you protest. “For ditching me the other night. I’m cashing in, Santiago. You want a cookout? No Frankie.”

Your brother sighs. “And how am I supposed to explain that to him, hermana?”

“Don’t,” you tell him. “What he doesn’t know can’t hurt him.”

Santi mutters something incoherent, though you know from the razor-sharp tone of voice that it’s no compliment. Still – he’s a man of his word.

Eventually he agrees: no Frankie at the barbecue.

The store is chilly, plucking goosebumps along your arms.

You round the aisles, scanning your list. You’ve been battling with a janky front wheel which has squealed and veered off-course at every fucking turn. It almost mowed over an elderly woman in the meat aisle.

You’ve cleared most of what Santi told you to get. Drinks, ice, buns, meat, corn on the cob. He wanted to use Mom’s dinner plates – but that, you countered, runs the risk of them being scraped, chipped, or worst of all, smashed.

That’s not a risk you’re willing to take. So you’ve piled in some paper plates and plastic cutlery, too – just to be on the safe side.

The cashier cuts a familiar figure at the checkout: her navy apron and full-cheek grin. She’s a staple sight from your childhood – a pair of dimples and sweet giggle trailing after you as you’d follow your mom’s skirt back out to the parking lot.

Her eyes widen and she clasps her hands when she notices you approaching. “Well, would you look who it is?” she sings.

“Hey, Pol,” you say, fanning yourself with your scrawled shopping list. “How you doing?”

The belt jolts your supplies closer to her bejeweled fingers.

“Same as always, honey. Rockin’ and rollin’. What brings you back to town?”

“Housesitting, dog-sitting…Santi-sitting. Mom and Dad are on a cruise.”

“Oh, that’s right,” she says, nodding. “She told me last week. Caribbean, right?”

You nod, sucking a deep, unenthused breath in.

Pol hums, smiling to herself as she clicks the barcode for your hotdogs into her computer. She begins telling you what her granddaughter thinks of second grade – her two times table and the tadpoles they’re keeping in class.

Your eyes sweep around the store as she chats. Everything looks the way it always did, a time capsule from the nineties. Speckled floor and fluorescent lights; placards hanging overhead which sway each time the great glass doors pull open.

Baskets of fruit and veg lined alongside a lawn set on offer. Beside that, heaps of flowers and stacked planters. Beside those, a discarded shopping cart. And beside that –

Frankie fucking Morales.

Well – the silhouette of him. It’s pretty bright outside. But you’d recognize the outline of that dumb baseball cap anywhere. He’s talking to one of the assistants.

You hand Pol the cash Santiago gave you, and she trades it for a receipt. Dumping your bags back into your cart, you nod to her in thanks and stalk off towards the sliding doors.

Frankie tosses and twirls a pack of cigarettes in his hand. The assistant is telling him about some big college football game.

Your grip tightens on the janky-wheeled cart. You feel your skin begin to heat; prickling all over your arms, flushing down between your shoulder blades. Gathering somewhere south of there.

But you walk by him with purpose, choosing to ignore that warm feeling. Choosing to ignore…him.

He doesn’t turn. Thankfully.

The doors grant you exit and you give your cart one good shove across the threshold, back out into blinding daylight and sticky heat.

“Alright, man,” Frankie’s voice calls from behind. “Good talkin’ to ya.”

You nail your eye on the car. It’s, like, fifteen paces. You can make it fifteen steps without having to deal with him, right? If you take longer strides, it’s probably more like ten.

Ten steps, and then you’re in the sanctuary of your car. You don’t have to see, speak to, or deal with him.

So why are you slowing down?

You’re slowing down. You are. You’re borderline fucking loitering. Quietly hoping he’ll notice, catch up, maybe talk to –

You click the unlock button. The car beeps in response.

Five steps out. The front wheel is rattling. You’re doing your best to ignore it.

Four.

Three.

The wheel spins, flitting like a confused compass needle, and stops dead in the opposite direction. The cart hurtles out of your grip for less than a second before you recover it and haul it close to your car, cursing under your breath.

But a force – stronger, steadier – reaches around your body and takes hold of the thing. It guides it back to course. A force which, when it speaks, sounds a shit ton like –

“Woah, lil Santi,” Frankie mutters, and your chest leaps.

You freeze in your tracks. His weight is still around your back. He’s right fucking there, when you turn to look.

The brim of his cap bumps against your head. He steps back with a smirk on his face. He’s so fucking smug, you could slap him. “You tryna cause a goddamn accident with that thing?”

You pull a disingenuous smile. “Hey, Fish. Ever tried minding your own business?”

He feigns a wounded sound and clutches his chest. “Ouch. I’m just looking out for ya.”

“Feels more like you’re pestering me.” You pull on the door handle and slot the first bag along the backseat.

Frankie lifts his chin, peering in at the contents. The star-spangled plated, the dripping bags of ice. “Having a party?” he asks, one eyebrow cocked.

You yank the bag from his sight, spinning to push it alongside the others. “Nope.”

He crosses his arms. “Sure looks like you’re having one.”

“Well, I’m not.” You slam the door and turn back to him, staring blankly.

“Forgot,” he sniffs, “you need friends to have a party.”

“Hilarious. Those shit jokes how you make all your friends?”

He nods, impressed. Pouts his lips like an annoying little fish. Suits his stupid fucking nickname. “Then why’d Benny call ‘n ask if I’ll be at Pope’s parents’ tonight?”

Shit. Fucking – Benny.

You sigh, eyes rolling closed. Your fingers massage your temples. “It’s not…it’s…”

“Cookout, right? Yeah. That stings, baby. No call, no text. You owe me, remember?”

“I owe you jack sh–”

“Two drinks,” Frankie clips, holding a finger up to shush you. “Three, if you count saving your car from one hell of a scratch.”

“Fuck off,” you breathe, and then give voice to, “It’s a small gathering of friends, and – now you, apparently.”

He sways forward, bumping the cart into your hip. “You need me to bring anything?”

You heave it straight back at him, hopefully hard enough to bruise. “Tranquilizer gun, if you’ve got one.”

“Can get something even stronger, if it’s a party you’re after.”

Your eyes thin. “Wouldn’t be my mom’s favorite for much longer if she found out you were doing coke in her backyard.”

Frankie smiles. That trademark Catfish grin. “I’ve done worse in her kitchen, baby.”

He’s so goddamn cocky. So full of it, it makes you want to scream. He studies you, eyes shadowed by his cap. His hair flicks out around his ears, dark curls doused in golden sunlight.

When your eyes trace the shape of his jaw, the wiry hair above his top lip – the faint flicker of a memory glows across your skin.

The weight of his hand on your stomach, pinning you to the bed. The bristling feeling ghosting the inside of your thighs. Your desperate wet, his tongue covering ground across your body like claiming territory.

Every shade of wrong. Ignoring every atom in your body – betraying every version of yourself for ten minutes of euphoria. He brought every numb nerve under your skin to attention, the second he knelt between your knees.

But he’s looking at you now, the same way he did the other night. It’s boyish and dangerous. A naked match just waiting to fall.

Maybe you’re waiting for an excuse to drop it.

Frankie gives his cap a quick tug, and makes off for his truck.

“See you at seven, Garcia.”

Daylight melts into dusk and with it, goes the sharp sting of summer. A pale blue rolls across the horizon, covering the yard in a hazy sort of chill. A relieving breeze, like satin over newly burned skin.

You’re still fucking sweating.

“Are you going to help me, or you just gonna lie there and text your girlfriend?” you call across the yard.

The dark figure spilling over the edge of the hammock grunts in response.

“Santi.”

Your brother groans, rolling free from the marigold fabric. He strides across the lawn, swinging an arm down to ruffle Ange’s ears. “Not a girlfriend,” he says, slipping his phone into his back pocket. “She’s…she’s more of a…”

You lift your hand. “Not something I need to know.”

He laughs and looks at the spread on the table. He lifts the corner of a tricolor napkin, straightens a plastic fork. The foil over the hamburger buns crinkles. “We did a good job. Looks great.”

“We?” You scoff, slapping his wrist away. “Yeah, me and the fucking dog, more like.”

“How much did it all come to? The food and shit?”

You shrug. “Like, forty dollars. I don’t know.”

“Gave you sixty. Where’s my change?”

You frown, hands on your hips. “If you don’t know how to budget properly, that’s not my problem.”

“And if you don’t know when to just lie and say you spent it all, that’s not mine. Twenty bucks, kid.” He holds his hand out, fingers beckoning.

The squeal of the gate interrupts, followed by a barrage of voices. Will and Benny and Mal and – as you lean back to watch them parade through the yard, you spot the figure of Frankie at their heels.

“Pope?” Will calls. “Pope, do me a favor. Remind me which one of us threw up at Busch Gardens that one time. Remember – right after we rode Gwazi?”

Santiago chuckles. “I remember Mallory wearing her raspberry slushie.”

Will guffaws in Mal’s face.

“I spit up!” she protests. “I spit up in a flowerbed. I was not wearing my slushie.”

“You were fluorescent pink the whole day,” Will says. He slings an arm around your shoulders. “You remember, lil Santi?”

You frown. Yeah, you fucking remember.

You remember being forced to sit between Frankie and Mal the entire way home. Santiago got dibs on the front seat by pretending he was carsick, and Mal had to sit by an open window so she didn’t stink your dad’s car out with all her raspberry-flavored puke.

You and Frankie bickered the whole journey. Both absolutely certain that the other was leaning too far over your seats. Your dad vowed he’d never let you both in his car at the same time, ever again.

“Mhm,” you grit, shooting daggers at your best friend.

She mouths a Sorry, and then places her salad bowl in the middle of the table. “Enough about throwing up. I’m starving. Let’s eat.”

The boys spend twenty minutes arguing over how the barbecue works, before a single bit of food is cooked. You and Mal watch from the table, sneaking Ange slices of cheese and giggling when Will and Benny break into their fifth argument of the night.

Santi and Frankie take charge, shoving the brothers out of the way.

Pope passes over the meat, while Frankie mans the grill. He lifts his cap and wipes his brow with his bicep, giving his head a shake as he flips burgers and turns sausages.

And no, you’re not watching him. You’re focused on Mal and her story about some guy from work. Or – it might be a guy from her yoga class. The instructor, maybe? You’re not sure. Frankie just flapped the collar of his shirt and the hem lifted, exposing a sliver of his tummy.

You’re not watching him, though.

He runs his tongue along his top lip, focusing on the sizzle and spatter of the grill. His arm tenses, turning the tongs over and over. Wide shoulders stretch when he reaches for a plate.

He’s laughing quietly at whatever Santi’s babbling about at his side. His eyes are stuck on the barbecue in front of him. His fingers twirl around the tongs again. He never looked so lean and so broad and so fucking different, all at once.

Weird different. Good different?

You feel your cheeks flush with heat. This time, it’s not so much anger, as it is –

Oh, shit.

Mal gets up for a refill at the same time Santiago jogs inside to grab more meat. You and Frankie are alone on the patio – Will and Benny are kicking a ball for Ange to chase on the grass.

Morales turns, and you instantly stare down at your beer. You take a forceful swig as he approaches.

“Hotdog?” he asks, holding a plate down to you.

“Huh?”

He glares at you and scoffs. “Are you dumb? Hotdog.” He slips it onto the table in front of you.

You squint at the grill marks, and then squint up at Frankie. Puzzled and…offended, at the same time. You come back to your body with a jolt. “Why the hell are you–? Have you laced it with something?”

He shoots a glance over his shoulder, tongue between his teeth. “No, I haven’t fucking laced it with anything. I just figured you should have the first one, since you put all this on for us. But – Jesus, give me it.”

Your fingers lock around the paper plate when he tries to steal it back. For all that he’s a dick and might actually try to poison you – you’re fucking starving.

You figure you can stomach the poison.

Frankie sighs. He lets go. “I’m tryna be nice, alright? You know nice?”

“I know nice. You’re not it.”

“Shut up and eat your hotdog, lil Santi.”

You mimic him in a squeak as he strolls off, shaking his head. Still, the second he’s back at the grill, you rip into the hotdog.

Frankie stays at the opposite end of the table for the entire meal – closest seat to the barbecue, and furthest seat from you. There’s too much chatter, too much hilarity being thrown back and forth between you for either of you to kick up a row.

Probably better for the guys’ sakes, but – you want to fucking row.

It’s like a hit, now. A rush of electricity, any time Frankie looks at you for longer than it takes his face to twist into a grimace. You’re hunting for ways to ignite something – anything. Looking for an excuse to drop that naked match and set the whole thing alight.

Because it’s fun, when you’re in the heat of it. Feeling his eyes on you, as hot and angry as flames. Being suffocated by the smoke of it all; breathing in less and less air and more…him.

And, anyway – who knows you better than the one person who pisses you off the most?

As the sun is snuffed by the heavy hand of dusk, you disappear to a quieter corner of the yard. Tucked between two thick beech trees, you throw yourself into the hammock – one leg draped over the side, swinging idly through the night air.

A beer bottle balanced on your tummy, the round base seeping a chilled ring into your shirt. The swish of leaves overhead and the annoying midges at your ears for company.

That is – until the sound of footsteps over crisp grass, and the creak of an old, splintered garden chair disturb your peace.

Frankie adjusts his cap, flatting his fringe beneath it, and sits back. “You never change, do you, Garcia? Still the same little longer you always were.”

You hold your hands out, gulping back beer – and glee. “Can I fucking help you? I’m minding my own business.”

“Thought you might want some company.”

“Not yours, dickhead. You think I’m way the hell over here ‘cause I wanted you to come annoy me?”

He hums, picking at a flake of paint on the armrest. “Sure wanted me to annoy you the other night.”

“Alright,” you clip. “Cheap shot. You been practicing that one all afternoon?”

“Since I saw you at the store.”

You roll your eyes.

Frankie slips a cigarette from its pack and lights it, tipping his chin to blow a white cloud to the sky. “You’re too much fun,” he tells the stars.

You squint through the dark, staring at the glowing cherry. “What?”

“You. You get so pissed, so easily. Always have.”

“Well, you antagonize me. Always have.”

His cheeks lift. It’s something softer than a smirk, still laced with too much attitude to be a smile. “That’s ‘cause you were always around. Everywhere Santi went, there you were. Closer than his shadow.”

“Well,” you glower, “’s what happens when you have a big brother. You’re void of love; I wouldn’t expect you to understand.”

“No, I get it,” he says. “It just got fun to mess with you, after a while.”

“Uhuh,” you take another swig, “so is that what you’re doing? Messing with me?”

Frankie’s shoulders jump. “You tell me. There were two of us in your room that night.”

You swing your legs down to the grass. It’s brittle under your socks when you stand, still focusing on the end of his cigarette. “Damn, you really can’t shut up about it, can you? How many times have you tugged one to the thought of it?”

“Tugged one,” he snickers, but he seems nervous – watching as you approach. “What age are you?”

You push his knees wider, slotting between his thighs. “Which part does it for you? What sends you over the edge?”

“Come on, lil Santi,” Frankie says, averting his eye. “You’re embarrassing yourself now.”

One knee up, resting on the crease of his jeans. You lean forward and nudge his hip, lay your hands gently on his shoulders. “I bet you still hear me in your dreams.”

He scans up and down your body, lingering on your bare thigh. “Not – not gonna work, kid,” he promises, shaking his head. “You still annoy the fuck outta me.”

“Right, right.” You pinch the pale stick from between his teeth. “’cause nothing’s changed, yeah?”

His head sways in agreement. He’s distracted, watching as you lift your hand to your mouth.

You smile down at him. “’cept you know how I taste now, so.”

You slot the damp end of the cigarette between your lips and suck. Sharp, acrid heat sails over your tongue and down your throat, filling your chest in one inhale. You cough a little, batting the smoke as you blow it out.

“Tastes fucking disgusting,” you croak. “How can you smoke these?”

Frankie’s eyes never leave your lips. “You get used to it.”

You take another draw, letting the smoke soar through the space between you. “Gross,” you say, and prop the cig back between his lips. “Just like you!”

“Sh…shut up,” he groans, adjusting in his seat.

“Make me.”

But he doesn’t bite. Doesn’t flinch. He just stares back, rolling the smoldering stick between his thumb and finger. Running his tongue along his teeth.

You spill the last of your beer onto your tongue, cocking an eyebrow at him, and push from his lap.

You make it no more than five steps, before that same weight from the parking lot is around your shoulders.

He pings the cigarette somewhere in the grass, and grabs onto your elbow.

“Fran– Jesus – Where are we–?”

He drags you through the dull dusk to the other side of the lawn, ignoring the click of the motion sensor. You’re thrown through a wooden door onto cold concrete before the yard light floods over you.

It takes a second for your eyes to adjust. Weak slivers of moonlight illuminate each tool hanging from the wall. The fairy lights outside lose their battle against the darkness the second they creep through the window.

Before you can sling something mocking at him, Frankie has you pinned against the wall.

“You want me to make you shut up?” he growls, teeth grazing your neck. His fingers slip behind the waist of your shorts, plucking at the button. “I’ll make you shut up. Make you shut up all goddamn night.”

“Frankie,” you gasp, grabbing hold of his shirt. You push on his chest, walking him backwards over to the workbench.

The thing shudders when he rocks against it.

“The fuck are you doing?” he murmurs, watching as you kneel before him.

“Getting used to it,” you reply.

You pull his belt apart, loosen the fly on his pants, and pull until they’re low on his hips.

Frankie holds onto the bench with a white-knuckle grip. He lays his hand over the crown of your head, rubbing small circles. A laugh slips across his tongue. “This what you’ve been thinkin’ about?”

You ignore him, instead focusing on the solid shape in his underwear.

His hips flinch when you drag your palm along it. He’s hard already. He hisses at your cold fingers on his stomach, tensing as your knuckles skim below the elastic.

And then…he’s in your palm. All of him. Frankie fucking Morales.

You’re trying not to think too deep about it.

Your fingers wrap around him, barely meeting around his width, and you slip him from his boxers.

His cock springs free, swaying once, twice – then settling to the right.

Your mouth fills with saliva. Suddenly – there’s no way not to think too deep about it.

He’s…he’s big. He’s thick; smooth and sculpted, veins trailing around his shaft. It’s not like you ever considered what he’s walking around with before, but looking at it now – you can’t believe it’s him.

Without thinking, you lean in and kiss him all the way down to the hair at his base. A wet trail, lips curving around the size of him. You run your tongue up and down, circling the tip and toying with it.

Frankie cups your cheek. “Pretty little mouth,” he utters. “Put it to good use, huh?”

You don’t need him to ask twice.

You sink down on him. Every inch of him – every aching, choking inch. Your jaw slackens to take him; nails digging into his thighs when he bumps the back of your throat.

“Oh, shit, baby,” he hisses. His hand comes down on your head a little too heavily.

You yelp and pull back, gasping when he slips out. “Prick,” you breathe, closing your lips around his tip again.

“Just too sweet with it,” he murmurs, guiding himself back across your tongue.

You suckle on him, using your hands to pump the inches your mouth can’t take.

Frankie’s head tips back, panting at the roof. His hips thrust to meet your movements. “Feels so – goddamn – good,” he moans, and you hum with glee.

You take his balls in your hands, kneading them as you work your way lower. He’s so deep in your mouth that it makes your eyes water. Each slip of his tip against the back of your throat makes you gag, pulls a lewd, muffled sound from your chest.

It shouldn’t feel like this. You shouldn’t be enjoying it this much. But he’s falling apart under your fingertips, he’s unwinding right before you. He’s whispering your name, begging you not to stop. Just like that, just like that, just like that. Oh, fuck, just like that.

It’s addictive. Now that you know how he looks, how he feels, you’ll never go back to before. When the most thrill he gave you was a burning temper; feeling your pulse jump in your throat with rage.

This – whatever the fuck this is – is all you know, now. Pulling threads from one another, watching the way they unravel. Watching each other unravel. Flashes of eye contact, salt and slick and sex dripping from every secret word.

Frankie’s hips jerk. His cock spasms.

You don’t want him to come down your throat. You don’t want him to climax when he’s too deep for you to taste it.

You want him all over – your lips, your tongue, dribbling down your chin. You want to mix him with your saliva and swallow; warm, salty, Frankie.

He got his taste. Now you want yours.

You bring your hands up to his thighs, purposefully pushing back off him.

His grip loosens, and he looks down. Brows low and close, eyes blown wide like he’s higher than any drug could take him.

He’s as addicted as you are.

“My mouth,” you mumble, head of his cock circling your glistening lips. “In my mouth.”

“Yeah?” he says, and the weight of his cock slaps on your bottom lip. “That where you want it, baby?”

“Mhm.” You wrap your lips back around him.

“Fuckin’ filthy,” Frankie spits, laughing. “Shit – just like that. Yeah, that’s it.”

Three, four more soaking strokes of your tongue and he’s twitching again.

You pull back only enough to rest his tip on your tongue, feeling the pulsing heat as he comes. Watching the way his face tightens, the pull of his brows as it overcomes him.

His eyes stay locked on you. Your fluttering lashes, your puffy, glossy lips. He fills your mouth and then some – semen spilling from the corners and dribbling down your jaw. And the sound he makes – this broken, scattered moan, bordering on a fucking whimper – is fucking perfect.

Frankie’s hand locks at the base of your skull, holding you steady until he’s done. His cock slips from your bottom lip. He gives one last satisfied sigh, petting your head as you stroke him slowly, tenderly – swiping kitten licks at the dripping mess of him.

“Fuck,” he moans, letting his eyes close over. His weight slumps against the workbench. “The fuck do you spend so much time yapping for when you’re that good with your mouth?”

You hum in amusement, tongue dragging along the underside of his cock. He’s softening, but still a decent size. Still a weight to it that makes your cunt clench around nothing.

One last little kiss, and you tuck him back into his boxers. You drag the back of your hand across your chin.

Frankie holds his hands out, and you pull yourself up. He fixes himself into his jeans, turning away to do up his belt. He had his cock in your throat two minutes ago, and here he is pretending to be shy.

He turns back around, half disappeared to the dark shed. “I, uh…I don’t want you to think that I came here just to…just for that.”

Your tongue dabs at the inside of your cheek, all salty. “Then this is awkward, ‘cause that’s the only reason I hadn’t kicked you out yet.”

He laughs, dropping your gaze. “You…” he shakes his head, “…are such a little shit, you know that?”

It’s nicer than he would’ve worded it half an hour ago. But still – having an exchange with Frankie that doesn’t involve spitting insults or jagged glares, warms your blood in a way that’s new and…unsettling.

“We should probably…” You toss a thumb over your shoulder, eyes flitting to the string bulbs outside. “We don’t want them wondering what’s…you know.”

He nods and strides over to the door. The wood squeals against concrete as he pulls it open.

The summer swirls around you again, sweetening the stuffy heat of the shed. Mal’s voice surfs through the breeze – she’s still arguing over the Busch Gardens story.

You make to step out, and Frankie’s arm halts you.

He opens his palm. “Even,” he tells you. “We’re even.”

He seems sure of himself. Sure of you. He looks you in the eye and doesn’t blink.

You smirk. Your hand slips into his, letting him shake your fist once. You stare straight back at him.

“We’re just getting fucking started, Francisco.”

#frankie morales #frankie morales fic #frankie morales smut #bbf!frankie #pedro pascal #triple frontier #triple frontier fic

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writingsfromhome · 1 year ago

Text

If you Love Something

A/N: this has been an idea sitting in my drafts for a while. You and Harry had a brief but intense relationship as teenagers, were forced to make a serious decision then, and it’s aftereffects have lingered for the rest of your lives. It deals with some heavier topics so read with caution (alcoholism, depression, unwanted pregnancy etc). I’d describe it as sad but hopeful.

Part 2

—————————————

Age 17.

It started in secret. We’d found each other on the roof of a house party. Truth be told, I saw him sneak out of the window where people were crowded around the TV watching some controversial music video I hadn’t heard about. And I’d followed.

I knew who Harry was. Had him in English, Maths, and Biology last year. He was well spoken, thoughtful, and silly. I never spoke to him once though. Only admired him from afar.

Tonight I had my first drink and then another. I was feeling buzzed and despite being painfully shy for most of the time I’d known everyone here, I was suddenly gripped by the realization that we were approaching the last year we would all be together. Why had I waited this long to pursue someone I thought was cute?

I snuck out after him, when my friends weren’t looking. I even tilted the window more closed than usual so no one would suspect anything; I had the attic room at home so I knew how to maneuver the angled roof to get comfortable.

“You need any help?” Harry’s voice is clear in the silence.

“I’m alright.” I stand up to peer at him. He’s climbed near the top.

“Sure? You don’t seem steady.”

“Oh I’m steady,” I prove it to him by climbing up to where he was. “See?”

“I’m mistaken. My bad.” He holds out a hand to help me sit beside him and the night sky flashes brighter for an instant when I grasp his hand. My stomach is in knots.

“Harry. Styles.” I don’t know why I say his full name but I was nervous.

He repeats my full name back to me. I don’t know why I’m surprised he knows it. It’s not like we went to a big school.

“What brings you out here?”

I try to be bold about it, “You?”

“Party was getting too much.” He says. I stare at him in confusion while he complains about something his friends had gotten up to.

I replay my answer and realized it sounded like I’d skipped answering his question and asked the question back. Bugger.

“You know my name.” I interrupt him, forgetting he was telling me a story. Awkward.

“Yeah? Of course I do.”

“We’ve never talked.”

“We talked. Once in Maths. We had to grade each other’s answers.”

Oh yeah. I burn when I remember the 4/10 he’d given me with a smiley face saying that maths was masochistic.

“Barely.”

“I know you though,” he says with a softness that makes my heart stutter.

“Do you?” I look to him, resting my chin on my shoulder. He gazes down at me and I swear I could taste the colours around us.

His eyes draw me deeper as he inches closer. Was he going to kiss me? Oh my god.

I look back out to the roof and he jerks away. Omg.

“I do.”

“Oh,” I don’t know what to do after that awkward moment.

“I know you’re really quiet and shy but your smile is so loud you can see it from across the room.” He says and my breath catches as he continues. “You’re yourself with your friends, you really like Harry Potter and field hockey. You would kill Mal Adams if you could get away with it and you hate Maths just as much as you love art. You’re dating Oli Graves but your smile is only ever shining half as bright when you’re around him. Can I go on?”

I stop breathing completely halfway through his declaration of knowing me. All this time I had my eye on him, I didn’t know he was watching me too.

“I didn’t ask you for your opinion on my relationship.”

“You didn’t. I didn’t give you one either.”

I glare at him. He was right. He smiles knowing he was. I’m mad that I’m not mad at him. That he was right.

“What are you doing with a guy like that?”

Oli and I had been dating for 7 months now. He was loud and fun in a way I wish I could be. That’s why I liked him so much. That’s why I was at a party like this to begin with.

“He’s a good guy.”

“That’s all?” He asks. I look over but he’s looking up at the sky. I follow his gaze and get lost in the great expanse of nighttime.

“I think you deserve someone who sees you. Don’t you?”

“Did Ally see you?” I ask with a hint of aggression I didn’t mean to have.

“Ally and I broke up during Easter. So there’s your answer.” He’s unbothered.

“Well what do you want?” I ask.

“Right now? Or in life?”

I shrug. “Both?”

“I want to explore the world and meet all kinds of people. I wanna make the world a better place by being in it. It’s cheesy as shit so if you ever said I said this I’ll deny it and you’ll look like-“

“My lips are sealed.” I turn his way to promise him that. It makes me laugh at how serious he looks saying it all and when I do his face relaxes.

“You laugh is nice too. I forgot to mention that.”

That quiets me very quickly.

“And right now,” he continues. “I’d really like to kiss you.”

My ears ring. Did I hear him right? Could you get so drunk you hallucinate? I swear the cold air had sobered me-

“Did you hear what I said?” Harry’s moved in closer to me. Did I? I don’t know.

“What d-“

“I’d like to kiss you.”

I nod, afraid to talk and realize I’d hallucinated him saying that.

The world melts away when he kisses me. It’s tender, nothing like Oli and his jagged pushy kissing. In the nighttime air it’s warm, and soft, and easy.

“I know you,” Harry says when we part. I’d nearly climbed into his lap and I try to edge away, embarrassed, but he keeps a hand firm on my thigh.

“I know you too Harry,” I breathe. He smiles and it crinkles his luscious eyes.

I think I was falling.

***

We keep it a secret after I break up with Oli. For months, until mid-August when I invite him over for dinner after my mom insists on meeting “the boy I was all doe-eyed over”. The night with my family goes so well—Harry is the picture of a courteous gentleman that even my sister is swayed by him despite saying boys were gross. I ask him to hang out, in public, the next day. He doesn’t hesitate to say yes.

That’s what I love about Harry—yes love. He’s not pushy, he lets me go at my own pace. He respects me and sees me for everything I am and loves me anyway. I wanted to spend my whole life with him.

It was so intense and relaxed at the same time. It felt like no relationship I’d been in before. I felt different being with him, even my friends noticed.

When final year started, Harry and I were official but we didn’t flaunt it. We didn’t need to. My friends knew about us and they were happy for us, they told me I was more me. Whatever that meant.

Life was phenomenal and I was living in a dusky haze. Nothing could touch us.

Until one day in February. I was out with my sister, mum didn’t want to take her out and since I recently got my driver’s license with plenty of lessons from Harry, I was driving her to the mall. She needed Valentine’s Day cards.

“I thought you said love is stupid.” I remind her on the way.

“It is.”

“So why the hell am I driving you to buy cards for a made up holiday?”

“Because!” She crosses her arms and stares out the window. I flick her arm at a red light.

“You have a crush.”

“I do not!”

“Do too. Who is it? James? Mattie? Hamid?”

“Ew! They’re freaks.” My sister continues staring out the window.

“Why do you want to buy cards so bad!?”

“I just want them! For my friends!”

“Okay then,” I didn’t believe her. But I couldn’t bring her home crying or mum would ground me.

A lot of places have slim pickings. Wandering the aisle of Waterstones I catch sight of a family friend. She was my dad’s uni friend’s daughter, a few years older than me but by the time I got to secondary she had dropped out after getting pregnant. I remember the buzz when everyone found out.

I avoid her and find an aisle to occupy myself.

Harry and I were always careful, mum had already given me the talk and he never pressured me to do anything I didn’t. I imagine Harry as a dad. He would make a good one I think.

As one thought leads to another I go cold as I realize something. My last period was during the holidays.

I feel like I’m walking in a swarm of locusts as I walk to the edge of the aisle, scanning for my sister. Maybe I can pop into a pharmacy before she’s done. Maybe…

This was crazy. It was probably just a missed period.

But if it isn’t, another voice asks. I felt it in my gut. I had to do this.

I don’t remember getting home. I don’t remember anything about the rest of that day except two faint lines, and then two faint lines again, and a third time. I fall asleep before dinner that night and shut the world out.

***

“I know something’s wrong.” Harry’s walking me home after school. It’s Valentine’s Day and he’d been nothing but sweet. He bought me chocolates, flowers, and we planned to cook dinner together after school. I had bought him chocolates too, and had written him a heartfelt note with a bunch of photos of us weeks ago. The box was in my room, waiting for tonight. “Do you not like the flowers? Or is it dinner? We can go out somewhere instead?”

“No everything’s lovely.” I’d never heard Harry this desperate before. It gets under my skin even though part of me knows that’s not really it. But having him hover over me all week trying to figure out what was wrong was too much.

I’d spent every night this week with a hand over my belly. Thinking about it. I hadn’t told anyone. I didn’t know what I wanted to do. All I can think of was Jenny and I didn’t want that life. I couldn’t. I couldn’t be a mother.

“Please. What’s the matter.” Harry asks again, tugging at my hands but I pull them away.

“I just need some space!” I shout and he flinches. “I’m sorry Harry. I just need space right now.”

“Right now like…” he scratches his head. “I don’t get you. It’s Valentine’s Day, we’ve been talking about this day for weeks what do you mean you want space?”

“I can’t do this right now. Please.”

“Are you-are we…”

“I’m not breaking up with you.” I look at Harry with tears in my eyes, I didn’t want to cry out here. But every time I look at him I remember the reality. What’s growing inside me. I can’t take it. “I just can’t do today.”

I go inside my house. Leave him without further explanation. I feel awful, I can’t hold the tears in long enough to get to my room.

***

“Hey love?” My mum and dad knock on my door at half past 5. I lay in the dark, having cried myself dry. “We’re worried about you. Can we talk.”

“I can’t.” I say, voice stuffy.

“I thought you and that boyfriend of yours had plans,” dad says. He liked Harry but he rarely called him by his name. “Did something happen?”

“No!” I wanted them to leave me alone. “I just. I had to cancel. I’m fine.”

“Don’t sound fine to me love,” I feel the mattress dip as mum sits down. Dad strokes my hair. They whisper something I can’t hear and a pair of footsteps pad out of my room.

“Mum just leave me alone.” I try again.

“I’m not.” She pushes me further into my bed and leans down, tugging my blanket down. When I finally look at her she smiles kindly and kisses my forehead. That fills me up enough to start wailing again. “Oh love, what’s wrong?”

“Everything!” I sob into my blanket. Mom lays down beside me and I let myself be cradled like a child. God, I had a child. This was so fucked.

“Talk to me. We can figure it out together.”

I don’t know how my parents would react. They were never particularly strict, especially after what happened with Jenny I remember them always being sympathetic. We even visited her in hospital with a gift.

Mum strokes my hair and whispers that it’ll be okay. Slowly my sobbing eases into light sniffles. I had to tell her. She would know what to do. And if she hated me for it, I would just have to deal with it.

“Mum don’t be mad-“

“I won’t honey I-“

“No. Mum.” I cut her off. She moves back on the pillow so she can see my whole face, moving a strand of hair so I couldn’t hide. “Something…messed up. Happened. And…I was careful. We were always careful I don’t know what happened but I-“

I watch her face changed. Like she knew. She knew what was coming but she waits patiently as I muster up the courage to say the words that felt too real once I said them.

“Mum I’m…I’m pregnant.”

Her eyes fill with tears and she bites her lip. What was she thinking? Was she crying for me or with me? Why wasn’t she saying anything!?

“Mum-“

“C’mere.” She wraps me in her embrace again and kisses the top of my head. My body feels drained and limp. I finally told somebody. It was real. This living thing inside of me was real.

“What happened?” She asks next. And I tell her what I think happened. When. How I found out. She listens, holding my hand in hers. When I’m done and it’s poured out of me she smiles supportively. “This isn’t a bad thing okay? It’s okay. Any decision you make is up to you. I’ll talk to your dad but just know you call the shots okay? I love you.”

This is what carries me. The love.

She asks me it I told Harry yet and I tell her the truth. She urges me to tell him. I tell her I wanted to so bad but I was scared.

She leaves shortly after that, I hear her talking softly outside my room. Nobody calls me for dinner until 7, a soft knock on my door. My sister would never be so soft, I assume it’s dad so I tell him to come in. I was scared to face him.

It’s Harry instead.

“Harry!” I cover my splotchy face with my blanket, why was he here? Did mum invite him? This was soo embarrassing.

My heart pounds and Harry is silent until he takes a seat where mum had previously been.

“I came over, your mum invited me. She explained.”

She did what? For a moment I feel betrayed.

“She said you weren’t doing so well. Stressed? I could make you some tea if you’d like. But I told you y/n, you’ll get into unis. You don’t have to worry so…”

I sigh. Mum had told him a half-truth. But he had come. Of course he had.

I couldn’t even think about uni right now because that lead me down a road of what if I couldn’t go because I had a baby. And that life felt so bleak it made me depressed.

“Harry.” I inch my blanket down a little and his eyes go round when he looks at me.

“You look…awful.”

“I know.” I cover my face with my hair but he brushes it away and kisses my forehead.

“No. I’m worried about you. I brought dinner-“

“Oh Harry.” I spot the bag he brought with him.

“I made it all for us. With my mum’s help but mostly me. I packed it to bring to you.”

I didn’t deserve him. And I had to tell him. And he was going to break up with me. What high school boy wanted a child?

“Harry it’s not uni.” I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I was carrying another living thing. It was the size of a seed but I was carrying it inside me. Like a living breathing pot. I was a potted plant.

“Then what is it?” His brows crinkle. “Is it us?”

“No!” I rush to tell him. “I…I don’t know how to say this. And I don’t know how you’re going to react but it’s okay either way.”

“What are you talking about?” His hands slide up my lap. “What is it?”

“Harry. I’m um, I’m pregnant.”

I watch him freeze and stay exactly how he is, his brows pinch ever so slightly. I knew this look. He looked still on the outside but his mind was racing. And I was scared what was racing through it.

“Pregnant?”

“Yeah. From…the holidays.”

“How did-I thought we-“

“I guess it’s not foolproof.” I whisper. Mum had told me to go on the pill, and I hadn’t listened because all my friends told me it made them gain weight. If only I had listened. Now I was gaining weight anyway.

“What are we going to do?” He asks next. And I never realized six little words could weigh the world. If I could cut those words out and surgically implant them into my heart I would. Just to remind me the equal parts relieved and comforted they made me.

I hold his face in my hands, new tears springing to my eyes. He was in this. With me.

He kisses me and pulls me into a hug. I cry into his shirt again and he holds me so tight I swear I could break.

“I don’t know if I can keep it Harry,” I finally whisper to him.

His hands fist in my shirt, he holds his breath and after a long minute he lets me go with it.

“Okay.”

“Okay?” Was he really okay with all this?

“It’s…I can’t make you keep it.”

“You’d want to keep it?” I couldn’t believe it.

“It’s…” he swallows his sentence and keeps his gaze on my stomach. I tug his hand and lay it over it. When his eyes meet mine I see a hint of heartbreak. We were going to break our hearts either way I think.

Not once did I think he might want to keep it.

“It’s okay.” Harry finally says. “We’re so young right? How would we keep a baby and go to school, and do everything we always talk about?”

“Yeah I don’t…I don’t know.”

“I love you.” He says with such a sudden passion. I wrap my arms around his and return the sentiment.

Eventually we lay down and just talk about everything. Truthfully, my head was telling me not to keep the baby but everything else felt dead thinking about it.

Maybe that’s why it took me until April to finally make a decision. It was the size of a plum by then, and a tiny bump was starting to show but only when I stood naked in front of the mirror. With clothes on, nobody was the wiser. But the longer I kept it, I think the more Harry fell in love with it. The idea of it.

We have a long talk during our Easter holiday. We talked in my bedroom until the sun comes up. I tell him I was sure of my decision.

I’d gotten accepted to Cambridge by then. Harry was staying in London. We knew it wasn’t feasible. To live the life we always wanted, we had to get rid of this new life we never knew could happen.

I don’t know why but I don’t tell him the day I go to do it. I go with my mum. Mum drops my sister off at school—she didn’t know. Mum said she had a big mouth.

We drive in silence. When we park mum asks how I feel.

“Sad.” It was the truth. I knew this was right. But it felt like shite.

“Yeah.” She rubs my hands. “Want to go in?”

“I just want to sit here for a bit.” I tell her.

“Okay. I’ll go sign you in.”

She takes my purse and hers and leaves me there. I take the moment to ground myself. Say goodbye to the other future.

When mum knocks on my window I jump.

“Yn? Is everything alright?”

“Yeah yeah I’m coming in.” I open the door.

“You know you’ve been sitting here half hour?”

I pause, one leg out the door and one still in. “I…I must have got lost in my head. Sorry mum-“

“Look. Do you want to do this?”

“I don’t know…I have to.”

“There are other options love-“

“But how can I give it up and live my whole life like that?”

“We can help raise her. You can go on and live your life-“

“I’d be a horrible mother.” Mum and I had this row so many times before. It always ended in me storming away but I couldn’t here.

“You don’t need to make the decision today.”

“But I do.” I tell her. “Otherwise it’ll drive me insane.”

I tuck both feet back into the car and rest my hand on my belly. I’d allowed myself to do that only in my room, when I was alone. Doing it out here made it feel even more real. Suddenly I couldn’t imagine going through with the decision.

“I can’t do this.” I tell my mum.

She smooths my hair down and kisses my temple. My door closes and a few seconds later she climbs in beside me.

“Think about it.”

“I can’t. But I can’t keep it either.”

“Okay.” Mum pulls me into her and I think I should cry but I can’t. I’m calm, maybe I know I’d made the right decision. Or just a decision. I was going to stick to this.

“I can’t raise it. I’m just a child I…maybe someone out there wants a baby and can’t have one maybe-“

“I’ll look into it for you.” Mum promises. “You set the rules remember?”

And that’s how it goes. Mum looks into it, we decide to go for adoption. We go to the hospital on the first warm day of the year. By then I’d taken to wearing jumpers over flowy dresses and been thankful for the first time in my life that I wasn’t skinny like other girls. At most angles you couldn’t tell my belly was so perfectly round.

By then too, Harry had accepted the decision. He seemed relieved. Thinking aloud he’d said maybe he could raise it, but quickly turned around when I asked him what he’d do about uni.

“Someone out there can take care of it better than us. Someone will love the baby like we do.”

During the summer, I tell all my friends I was staying with family in midlands. And I do go up there, that’s where the couple who was adopting lived. Harry and I meet them with my mum and his. It’s awkward, we run out of conversation fast. But their house is big and they already have a 2 year old from an adoption last year. My baby was going to be loved here. And have a sibling.

“We did want to discuss one last thing,” they’d said before we left. We all listen intently. “We…find it best when it’s a no contact adoption. We’ve had a lot of friends who keep contact open and it gets messy-“

“What?” I hadn’t really thought about this until now. Hearing I’d have to give the baby up and go on like it didn’t exist felt wrong. Harry’s hand slips into mine.

“This is typical,” Harry’s mum says from his side. “Let’s hear it out.”

“Right. So just to prevent future complications, we do no contact. Of course when baby’s older and wants to seek out the real parents we can’t stop them. But until then…”

“Thank you.” My mum steps in when it goes silent. I could hardly wrap my head around what they were saying. When it gets older?

Pretty soon mum is ushering me out and Harry’s hand is still clutching mine. We don’t let go until we reach my Uncle’s where we were staying until August. The baby was due in September. I was going to miss the first week of class.

“I can’t do this.” I tell them later. “How can we just have no contact.”

“I thought you knew.” Mum says. “I explained that some parents want this when they adopt.”

She might have. Ever since I hit the third trimester like my doctor said, I’ve had a hard time listening and understanding what someone was saying after they spoke too long. I was glad school was done—for obvious reasons, but also for not having to sit in a class and learn.

“We have no other choice.” Harry says from beside me. He rubs my back and slowly, I zone back into the conversation. “We can find another family but they might want the same thing.”

“What if the baby never looks for us?” I turn to him, our heads press against the other’s. “What if we go our whole lives just wondering?”

“What’s the other option?” Harry whispers. He was right. I just didn’t want to get it.

Acceptance slowly creeps into me over the course of the summer. It was always hot carrying another person around, I was always hungry and thirsty, and very cranky. Harry came up to see me every other weekend when he could, mum stayed with me and that summer was one I could never forget.

It was September 1st, a particularly hot day. Rain fell in the afternoon and by the time the unforgiving sun set, the cool air was heavenly.

I sat by the bedroom window, moisturizing my belly like mum had shown me, talking to the baby. I wrote it a letter last week all about me, that I loved them and hoped the best for them. I told the baby about my family, how Harry and I met, and then I sealed it in an envelope with a picture of Harry and me. It was taken last Halloween when we’d both dressed up as each other. I tell mum to give it to the new parents. In case the day came the baby wondered about who we were.

As I spoke softly, I felt a gush of something wet down my leg.

“What?” I stand up, confused. “I…”

It takes me a second. I was going into labour.

“Mum!” I shout. “Mum! Come here!”

She rushes in and confirms it. It was happening.

“But it’s supposed to be next week!” I try not to panic but that’s all I can do as mum grabs our things and my aunt rushes to the car. “Does this mean something’s wrong? Is the baby o-“

I freeze as a contraction forces me to fold. I’d felt the kicking and the nausea and everything in between but these. These were a bitch.

Somehow we make it to hospital. Somehow I lay on a bed and push when the doctor tells me to. I nearly pass out. I just wanted Harry here with me. He didn’t know his kid was being born.

With a final push that felt like I was ascending my body and leaving it behind, I hear a wail and I cry. The baby was out, they cried and everything was okay.

“Okay congratulations mummy,” a nurse crouches down to me. “We’re going to clean you and baby up. She’s healthy and looks okay.”

“What?” I can barely see with my hair in my face and the nurses around me. It was a she? I had a baby girl?

We were never told the gender, so we wouldn’t get attached. But I had a baby girl. The nurse just called me mum.

I feel the tears on my cheeks, I was crying too. I try to look around me but a new nurse is talking in hushed voices to the doctor.

“…outside…call…adoption…shouldn’t or….contact-“

“What’s going on?” I can barely get the words out. “What?”

“Oh my love,” suddenly mum’s in the room and things are a bit better. A bit better.

“Mum what’s going on?”

“The baby’s born. The parents are outside they’re going to meet her soon.”

“What?” I look at mum’s face and it’s shining with tears. Why was she crying?

“Oh she’s beautiful love, she’s perfect. But your job’s done now. You should rest.”

“Mum,” I cry. “Where is she? Can’t I hold her?”

“No love,” mum moves my hair out of my face. I feel something break in half inside of me. I couldn’t even hold the baby? The baby girl? Mine and Harry’s baby girl?

“Why? Mum why? I just want to see her-“

“I’m sorry,” mum says through tears. “It’s just the way it is. She’s going to a loving home okay? She’s good. You’re okay.”

I can’t stop crying. I was going to lose her last April and I stopped that but I lost her anyway. My baby, I was never going to see her.

I remember when my sister was born. I was 5 and I was angry she’d taken the attention away. But when I saw her with her perfect toes and angel face I was obsessed with her. I even remember her first steps, she’d taken them at a park with mum and dad and me together. I was never going to know these things about my own baby. I was never going to know her.

I must pass out soon after. I remember waking up to the nurses instructing me about something. I’m half asleep and barely remember what I did when I get up. When I do wake it’s morning and there’s a figure on the chair beside me.

“You’re up.”

Harry. Relief washes over me knowing he’s here.

“Harry they took her,” I tell him.

“I know. I know yn.”

I move aside and he crawls into bed with me. I must look disgusting but he watches me with love brimming in his eyes. I can tell he’s been crying.

“I feel empty,” I whisper. Like someone had carved me out like a pumpkin. Something I’d had with me all year was gone. “How can I just move on? Start uni and all that when I…they just took her.”

“I keep thinking that.” Harry says. “Khalil invited me to a party to meet some blokes from uni and I just sat in my car the whole time. I couldn’t even go in. She…she was never going to be ours.”

“I feel awful.” I burrow into his neck as he strokes my hair. “A baby girl.”

“A baby girl,” Harry echoes.

***

I head to uni a week later. My body still feels like it fought a war and lost. It’s like it still thinks there’s a baby there. I produce milk for a few days, continue to have contractions, my belly is saggier than usual and I can’t stop crying about everything.

My dad drops me off to uni. He tells me he was proud of me, that I was always his baby girl. I cry then just like I cried at home when I said bye to mum, or when my sister hugged me which she never does. I can’t stop crying.

When I move into my dorm I feel like a completely different person than I thought I was going to be. My dormmate fills me in on everything she’s learned, complains about a boy and a party and it just feels so irrelevant to me. Did I used to care about those things? I had a baby. And now I didn’t.

By October, Harry and I are in different worlds. We hadn’t broken up but we talk weekly. Each week there’s less to talk about. When I visit home in October, being around him just makes me sad. He tries to cheer me up, make it like old times, but I know he’s hurting inside too.

I decide to do the breaking up. And at first he’s angry, insisting we could make it work. He actually refuses and walks away. We don’t talk for a whole day.

But at a house party in South where his uni mates were from, he accepts the end.

Through tears we kiss each other one final time, we whisper sweet nothings, we pour into each other all the hopes and wishes we had for each other.

When he hugs me for the last time I leave something behind. It’s similar to waking up the morning after my delivery and knowing something was gone. I really feel the shape of the loss. It sits in my sternum, a hole that grows smaller with time, but not just yet.

I fall into a depressed state for most of my first semester but my dormmate doesn’t give up on me and eventually I go to my first uni party. Eventually my brain fog clears and I actually go to all my classes. Eventually my life, on the outside, looks like it could be back to normal but inside I ache with the loss. So much that it becomes part of me. I don’t know where it ends, and I begin. It lives in me.

Age 23.

“The first of many hey?” Mal clinks his bottle to mine. I barely knew Mal but we were both friends with Khalil and therefore both at his stag.

“Before you know it we’re all going down,” one of Khalil’s friends joins in. “Stag after stag, suit after suit, it’s gonna be a blur man.”

“Let’s enjoy it while we can!” Someone cheers and everyone raises their beers. I toast with a smile; blokes loved to act like being in a relationship was the last thing they wanted when I knew most of them were mush in their girlfriend’s hands.

I also smile knowing I bought an engagement ring a few weeks back. I wanted to propose to Shannon, we met on her 22 when a friend invited me along. I couldn’t keep my eyes off the birthday girl. We’d been together since.

“Who do you think’s next?” The bets start going and nobody bets on me. Everyone always thought Shan was too good for me, they were counting on us breaking up. I was going to prove them all wrong.

The night gets sloppier until we all head back to the air bnb we’d rented for this. Tomorrow we were all supposed to go play golf like we were cosplaying old money bastards when we all knew we were just broke blokes from East. But I guaranteed they’d all be too hungover. We would get to the club and just drink the hangovers away.

And I’m right. I update Shan that I’m right when the boys stay in the dining area of the club. They decide on lunch and I step out to talk to my girlfriend.

“No birds allowed this weekend,” someone pipes in when I excuse myself.

“That’s just cuz you’re miserable Eli.” I brush past as the boys laugh. At me. And him.

I catch up with Shan. It was a bright day for September and I stay a little longer after the phone ends. Shan was in med school, she was always stressed or sleep deprived. I tried to support her the best I could—right now she needed moral support that she was going to get an internship she was applying for.

“Mummy doesn’t like when I have sweets,” a small voice says to my left. I look at a father with his daughter. He’s crouched down zipping her sweater up while she rambles on.

“Well it’s going to be our secret.” The dad says. “Sundays are for sweets aren’t they?”

“I love sweets.” She responds.

The father catches my eye and I shoot him a smile.

“Her mum’s going to hear every detail when we get home,” he says as he stands. “Can’t keep a secret to save her life.”

I laugh. The way she was rambling on, I didn’t think so. “How old’s she?”

“6.” He says, smiling down at her fondly. My heart aches.

“Almost 7.” She corrects her dad.

“Birthday’s in the spring.” He says more to me. “But almost 7 sure.”

I see them leave with one more shared smile, like we’re in on something. I imagine that’s how it would feel to be a parent. Always knowing something your kid doesn’t.

My daughter was 6. Wherever she was.

Thinking about the daughter I never had, the girl I lost always leaves me a little winded. Today’s no different.

Yn and I both made an agreement and it had been the hardest thing I’d done. Letting her go. It took me a proper year to even think about moving on.

I liked to think about yn, doing everything she wanted to do. But when I thought about the baby I spiralled into a dark pit. Sometimes when I drank too much, it pulled me in too deep to get out of. That’s what Shan liked to call my depressive drinking. She’s limited me to 3 drinks since.

Before I go in I take a minute to think about yn, where she might be. I hear from friends in high school random facts about her life. But I wonder how she’s doing. If she thinks about our baby like I do. How life would have been if I’d been here, calling her on the phone instead, asking if our baby girl was doing alright.

Age 29.

I stare at the nape of the man in front of me. It couldn’t be, but I’d memorized the back of his head—amongst other things, nearly 2 decades ago and I would bet £1000 I knew who this was. But I continue staring until the cashier rings him up.

In the same voice I remember, the one from my memories and my fantasies, I hear him say: “debit.”

I wait for him to pay before saying, “Harry?”

He turns so quickly he drops his card, wallet, and keys.

“Hi!” I laugh awkwardly and crouch down to help him pick his things up. There’s an awareness that the people in the queue behind me are witness to a moment that feels more intimate than a grocery store chat and it makes me shrink a little in my shell like a spooked turtle.

“Hi I-uh,” Harry short-circuits in front of me as the bored cashier holds his receipt out and stares at him with eyes that have worked one shift too many.

“I’ll just bag-“

“Yeah we can talk later.” I give him what I hope is a reassuring smile but it feels watery. I couldn’t believe of all the places I’d run into him, it was a grocery queue. How intense in such a mundane place.

As I watch my total rise on screen I risk a glance at Harry. His hand hovers over a white reusable bag, I wonder if that was his. Or his wife’s. If they did their weekly shop in a mismatch of bags that looked like that or they were the type of couple to have a set.

His eyes are on me though, somehow here and not here. I feel the same way.

I look back to the cashier asking me how I was paying. She glances between Harry and I. I don’t look back at him. Or the growing queue a few feet away.

I take my groceries—just some items my mum asked me to pick up, and stuff them into the tote I’m wearing. Harry waits for me by the exit.

“Hi.” He says as his eyes scan my face. I do the same, taking in all the ways time had spent with him. It must have been good—he looked good. “I can’t believe-“

“A Whole Foods of all places.” I laugh. A grin splits his face but his eyes stay on me.

“That smile, that laugh. God I’ve missed you.”

“I…missed you too.” How I could miss someone I’d known for one year and then never again for nearly two decades…I didn’t realize it was possible until now.

“Are you busy?” He asks. “Maybe we can grab a drink or?”

“I don’t…drink.” I hated that I had to announce it to people. I was still at the stage where I was figuring out how to say it confidently, or find a way around saying it.

“Oh.” Harry glances down at my belly and I realize he’d misunderstood but it’s too unspoken to correct him. “Cafe?”

“Yeah. That sounds lovely.” Honestly going anywhere with him sounded lovely right now. I wanted to cancel all my plans for the day and just sit with him. Stare at him and catch up. I couldn’t believe he was here.

We walk in a comfortable but waiting silence, like taking a cold drink out to a park with the anticipation it’s going to be good , and no desperation to open it as soon as you get it.

“Usual? Tea?” Harry asks when we step into a nearby cafe. It’s big for a cafe but has enough students working on laptops to not feel empty. I nod, unsure how to feel that Harry still knows what I order at a cafe. Or that my order hasn’t changed since 17.

I find us a booth and pretty soon he’s sliding into the seat across from me. The two of us can’t stop smiling.

“Hi,” he says again.

“Hi…”

“You look good, the same but better.”

“I was going to say the same thing about you!” I exclaim. More smiling.

“How’s…I mean, how are you? How is everything? What-“

“There’s so much to ask-“

“I don’t even know how to ask what I want to know!” Harry laughs and I’m warmed from the inside out at the sound of it.

“This shouldn’t be hard!”

“No.” He scrubs his face. “I’m really buzzing that we’ve run into each other.”

“Me too. It’s a bit unbelievable.”

“I know.” He continues gripping his cup and not taking his eyes off of me. It’s the exact way he used to look at me when we were teenagers. It nearly takes my breath away. “You look good—but I already said that. Sorry.”

“No,” I laugh. “That’s all that’s running through my head.”

“Oh—I remember hearing you were engaged a few years ago-“

“Yeah.” I turn my hand so he can see the ring. “Married now. You?”

“Yeah,” he looks down at his own hand. He had so many rings on I couldn’t tell from a glance. “Coming up to 5 years now.”

“Wow. It’s only 1.5 for me but Tatum and I—my husband, we’d been since uni.”

“Took him a while.”

“Mhm,” it had been a sore subject way back then. Harry says it casually but he studies my face. I know he wants to ask more but he’ll politely maneuver around it.

“Are you happy?”

I let out a breath. “That’s more complicated than anything else you could ask!”

“Is it?”

“Yeah I-“ I shrug. “I don’t know if I am. But I also have no idea what I could do about it. So. There’s that.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.” My stomach curdles with his words. I didn’t want pity, least of all from Harry. Harry. I can’t believe he was here. “I get it though. Everyone says your 30s are even more glorious than your 20s. We’ll see soon enough if they’re right.”

I meet his eye, they always intimidated me to look too long into. Even now, I glance back down at my drink. When I look up again he has a wry smile twisting his lips. He knew.

I was sorry to hear life hadn’t been as good for him. And then I understand, it wasn’t pity he was giving me. He truly was sorry like I.

I thought about Harry often. Of course I did. I liked to imagine him living out his dreams like he always talked about. I liked to imagine him happy and thriving.

“Do you ever think about us?” I have to ask. “If we did it all differently?”

“We would have had a 12 year old with us.”

Hearing him say it feels like someone had taken a screwdriver and opened me up. Raw and exposed. But looking at him I know he thought about her as much as I had. Both of us were apparently mourning a future neither of us had fought for.

“Yeah,” I breathe but I just sound winded.

“We were trying, at one point—Shan and I.” Harry fiddles with his ring. “Did all the tests and the trials and the shite. But no kids. It put a real strain on my relationship. I think we cracked instead of bending. And I don’t think either of us know how to make it right again.”

I grasp his hand and squeeze. “I know what that’s like. It’s hard. I…a couple years ago. I lost a baby. A baby boy. I felt like it was a punishment for-“

“Don’t.”

We hold onto each other, our drinks long forgotten. He holds my hand and it feels like being known again, like I wasn’t such an awful person. That someone could see everything I’ve done and still choose to have love for me.

“I’m sorry.” He tells me.

“Me too.” I bite my lip. With a sigh I let him go and lean back. Here we’d been so excited to bump into each other but we’d both been carrying sorrow and grief. It wasn’t very hopeful.

“So I guess you’re not drinking because you’re-“

“No.” I say, surprisingly without feeling awkward. “I’m just sober right now. Trying to figure out life without a drink.”

“Sounds like torture but I respect that. Sounds hard.”

“It was at first. I like the feeling now of thinking clearly. But I miss a glass of wine I do sometimes.”

We smile at each other.

“So do you live around here?” Harry broaches talking again after both of us had lapsed into silence for a while. I blink away the fog of the past.

“Yeah. You?”

“Nah. Shan’s out of town and I was feeling lonely. Came over to visit my sister. I’m just staying with her for the week.”

“Lucky me then.” I smile.

“Lucky me too.” He smiles back. It’s soft. We’re soft. It felt impossible to me after all this time the tenderness was still the strongest thing between us.

We chat a bit more, much about nothing. What we did for a job, anyone we still kept in touch with from school. Nothing that meant a lot.

“I need to head off now,” I say when my phone buzzes for a second time. “I was on my way to my mum’s. She keeps calling me.”

“Yeah. Don’t want to keep you.” Harry says but he stays seated. So do I.

We continue just studying the other until my phone rings again and I laugh. “It was…I really loved seeing you.”

I slide out and Harry mirrors me. I still come to his chest, he still smells the same and stands the same and looks just as handsome.

“How about uhm, how about dinner some time?” Harry asks. I knew it was coming, it’s still painful saying no.

“I…can’t. I…we can’t just do dinner, can we?”

“No,” Harry bows his head. We had too much history to just do dinner. From what he said—and I knew, both our lives were too complicated to add the allure of each other into the mix. I couldn’t do that to my life as tempted as I was. Especially not sober.

“Yeah.” He stands straight again and gives me space to head to the door. “Good seeing you. Give your mum my best if she doesn’t hate me.”

“She doesn’t.” I assure him. We stand awkwardly not sure if a kiss, a hug, or a wave was appropriate. We settle for a hug.

I remember the last time I was enveloped in his arms, tucked away into his tall frame. When we said goodbye forever, agreed to live our best lives separately. We’d both been too scarred to be anything together. Too much grief.

“Maybe we’ll run into each other again.” Harry smiles at me when we part.

“Maybe,” I say knowing full well I wouldn’t do groceries on the weekend anymore.

With a final wave we both part ways again, this time it doesn’t feel as much like closure.

Age 35.

“Graduation’s graduating, what a mouthful.” I say to Andie. We sit in the parking lot of a local pub back home. Both of us had avoided reunions after going to the first one 10 years ago and being reminded of how much people liked to remind you of who you used to be. But this year Andie found out an old flame was going and single. And this is the first year I saw that Harry had checked off going. So we’d decided to go together.

I could have easily reached out to him. Asked him about meeting up there. But I didn’t want to come across any way. I remember our run-in 6 years ago. We felt the same way—we would do anything for each other, and I didn’t want any affect over him coming. Last I heard he was still in a relationship. Just cuz I was didn’t mean I had to ruin another.

“Okay. We going in?” Andie passes me her flask.

I’d taken to drinking again. Originally I stopped after a particularly bad night when I was 28. It nearly cost me my wedding back then.

I stopped to get sober. To feel what it felt like not to rely on alcohol to keep from feeling my emotions. I had a lot of grief I never processed. And unfortunately being sober, and processing the grief and depression, had ultimately cost me my marriage. But I was better for it. I knew what unconditional love and support was. I didn’t want to settle for someone who only loved me at my best.

Now I felt in control when I drank. I knew when to stop.

“Let’s go!”

“Do you think he’ll remember me?” Andie asks as we walk up to the place.

“You comment on so many of his posts. I think he does.” I tease.

“Gah. It would have saved me so much heartbreak if I just told him back 18 years ago how I felt.”

“Maybe,” I think about my confessed love 18 years ago and the heartbreak that ensued.

“Well at least I would have gotten him outta my system. Oh god I see him-“

“Hi ladies,” we’re stopped near the front and given name tags, making small talk with the girls working the booth. I vaguely remember them from a club but I have to read their name tags to pretend I remembered them at all.

Andie ditches me pretty quickly but I don’t mind. I find some friends I saw a couple times a year. Guess this was the couple time this year.

The whole time my eyes scan the room. People had brought their partners and I wondered if Harry would do the same. Deep down, I prayed he didn’t. I just wanted to see him.

I spot him halfway through the night. He’s leaning against the bar talking to Khalil. I remembered they used to be friends, he was always nice to me while Harry and I dated.

I watch him talk and drink. I lose him for a bit and then catch him leaving. Shite.

I excuse myself and rush out but nearly trip over myself slowing down. He was just outside for a smoke break.

“When did that habit start?” I ask. He nearly jumps out of his skin.

“Fu-y/n you scared me.” He shakes his face dramatically, like he’s getting something off of it. I bite back a smile, he was pretty drunk. “When did you get here? I didn’t know you came to these things?”

“I don’t.” I correct him. I couldn’t tell him I came for him. “It was just the name of this reunion, Graduation’s graduating. How could I pass it up?”

This earns a laugh. Eases the air between us. “Did you see Oli in there? He’s gotten bald.”

“He looks like his dad actually,” I remember his dad was always coming to Oli’s football matches, screaming at his son to run faster.

“Glad you didn’t end up with him?” Harry smirks.

“Oh yeah. I heard last reunion he just kept going up for the karaoke sober. If I want my bloke to embarrass me, at least give him the excuse of being drunk.”

“Shit,” Harry laughs. “I remember that! I remember! Wish I could forget!”

I laugh with him. “Harry you’re getting pretty close to drunk yourself.”

“Ah yeah. More than 3 drinks that, I’m being naughty tonight.”

I scrunch my nose, no idea what he’s talking about.

“I can’t believe you’re here tonight,” Harry says again. “I thought I wasn’t going to see you again for another 12 years after our last time.”

“Thought I’d halve the time.” I watch Harry squash out the butt.

“Glad you did.” He looks at me and I’m 17 again. Why couldn’t we both be single? Why did I come here knowing I couldn’t have him.

Maybe I was as masochistic as the person who invented maths.

“Yn?” A voice calls out to me. “Oi! It is you I thought I was dreaming you up! What a sight!”

I’d been avoiding Oli all night. Not anymore.

I glance at Harry and he hides a smirk. Oli notices Harry then and his face hardens a little.

“Oli! Long time!” I go in for the hug he’s reaching for, unsure why he was so sweaty on an autumn night. “You alright?”

“Yeah,” he grins at me. “You look good! Not a day over 25.”

“Don’t flatter me Oli,” I roll my eyes. “It’s not going to get you anything.”

“I’m not looking! I swear it!” He says earnestly. “I’m just paying you a compliment. It’s good to see you. Hey, I’m actually in a good relationship. Gonna propose to her.”

“Are you? What’s she like?”

I stand in the brisk evening as Oli tells me about his girlfriend. I’m happy for him, what we had in high school wasn’t really a relationship but I never wished him bad. He was a good guy, I was glad he found his person.

I change the subject when he asks about my love life, tell him I was getting cold. We head back in and I tell him I’d catch up to him later. I’d lost Harry and wanted to find him again. I had more I wanted to talk about.

“Khalil,” I interrupt him playing pool. He goes in for a hug and I engage in polite small talk until I tire of it. “I’m looking for Harry.”

“Of course you are,” he wags a finger at me. “I saw him leaving ten minutes ago?”

“Jeez really?” I couldn’t believe I missed him! After coming here just for him. Maybe he had to get home, maybe he had a kid by now. Had to tuck him in.

“He’s not doing so well since the divorce-“

“What?” I stare at Khalil like he’s spoken gibberish. Why hadn’t I heard about that?

“Ehm yeah. He’s pretty private about it.”

“I didn’t know.”

“Yeah. He’s been separated a few years now but he just signed the papers a couple weeks ago. I dunno. He gets kinda depressed around this time of year. Probably the weather.”

It was September. It wasn’t the weather.

I had to find him.

I brush past the people I went to school with. I followed Harry outside to a roof 17 years ago and today I follow him out to find him again. We needed to talk.

I look both ways, hoping for a miracle.

I spot a figure slumped on the far end of the road. I recognize the church, it was where we went every Easter and Christmas growing up.

I walk towards the figure until I can make out the hair. It was Harry. Thank god.

“Why’d you leave?” I ask him when he looks up to my approaching footsteps.

“I drank too much,” he hangs his head again. I sit beside him.

“I heard about the divorce. I’m sorry.”

Harry shrugs. “We separated a while ago. It was coming for a long time.”

“Yeah. Still.” I say.

We sit in silence, the only sound is our breathing and the faint noises from the pub down the road.

“She’s in her last year by now.” I say without further explanation. I know he’d know.

“Our baby’s 17.”

Our baby? I feel choked up. All these years we’d been apart, built our own lives, and there was still an our even when there hadn’t been.

“It’s always been us hasn’t it?” Harry says. “Nobody understands.”

“They couldn’t. We were so young, making such a big decision.”

“Oh y/n.” He leans into me and I wrap my arm around his shoulder. He’s cold, his jacket pooled on the steps around him. I gather it to spread over his shoulder but he stops me. “How much heartbreak can you have in one lifetime?”

I sit, aching for the pain Harry was going through. Knowing it was mirrored in me.

“I’ve had enough for a lifetime. I know that.”

“Me too.” Harry sighs. “I miss you.”

“I’m right here.” I intertwine our hands. They still fit the exact same, all these years later. I examine them, but they looked the same too. I wonder if our baby girl ever looked at her hands, wondered who she inherited them from.

“D’you think she thinks about us?” Harry asks what I’m thinking.

“Maybe.” I say. “I like to think so. I just hope she doesn’t hate us for giving her up.”

“Yeah me too I think…” he hangs his head. I hear him sniffle. Seems like Harry hit the point of drinking where all you could feel is regret. I remember those days. I knew where he was.

When he doesn’t finish his sentence I fill the silence; “Me and Tatum split uh…four years ago now.” I update him. “You probably heard something about it. I remember my mum saying she ran into yours when it was happening. They probably talked all about it.”

I wait for Harry to give confirmation but he stays the way he is.

“I went sober a few years before then. Almost ruined our wedding cuz I was exactly where you were. Unprocessed grief and all I could do was drink about it. I’d given up a baby at 18, then lost a baby a decade later. It feels silly to say out loud, that something that never really came into this world—something the size of a fruit could act like the rock you push up the hill every morning. The grief you fight at your darkest times. How could we be haunted by something that didn’t even exist—not technically. But that’s just the way it was. And that’s the way it had to be when we were 18. I’m not always sure I made the right decision overall but I know it was a decision we had to make at the time. I’ve had to find my peace. So do you Harry.”

“Yeah. I-I have to. Y’know? Sometimes I wonder if I would have made her proud.” Harry sniffles. I had similar thoughts. My throat feels tight remembering. “I don’t think, right now, I would be.”

“She’s so loved. She is so loved Harry. Whatever…wherever she is.”

“I love you.” Harry turns to me. His face is raw with grief and emotion. “Never stopped loving you. But I don’t want to give you this version of me.”

“I’ll take any version of you Harry.” I reassure him. “I think we’ve seen too much of each other to be able to hide anything away.”

He tips forward slowly until his head rests on my chest. I hold him there, just like he’d done for me so many years ago. I tell him the type of thing that meant everything to me back then and I hope it helps him to hear it: “We’ll get through this Harry.”

***

“I don’t remember getting here.”

I look up from my book, Harry stands in my kitchen with a confused look on his face. It was weird seeing him here in my flat. But it was so right too.

“We walked home. I thought you sobered up.”

“Nuh-uh.” He takes a few steps towards me, hesitant.

“Coffee?”

“Maybe I’ll take a shower first?”

“First door on your right. Extra towels in the cupboard.”

“Thanks.”

We look at one another for a beat before he moves back. I make another pot of coffee and clean up from breakfast while he showers.

Next time he walks back in he looks a lot better. Smells nice too.

“Black please.” He says when I hold the coffee up.

I pour him a cup and watch him sip it.

“Thank you for last night.”

“You don’t have to thank me,” I tell him.

“I remember what you said to me. You’re right of course. I think I knew it, I just didn’t have anyone to talk to about it with. Nobody knew about us…”

“You didn’t have to keep it a secret ‘til this day Harry.” I was surprised he had. “You didn’t even tell any of your friends?”

“The only people who knew were my family, a-and Shan. But. Year after year it didn’t mean the same thing to her. I stopped talking to her about it pretty quickly. Think it made it worse because her and I couldn’t actually…”

“Yeah.” I understood.

“But I realized. I think it was losing both of you. I feel like you were taken away too. We just went from being around each other all the time to cold turkey. That was a loss too so…”

“Yeah.” Again, I understood.

“I’m 35. I’ve gotta…get my head on straight.”

I examine him. “Looks okay to me?”

He smiles and puts his cup down.

“I’m sorry to hear about your divorce.”

“Meh that was years ago. Hard then. Fine now. For the best.”

“I agree,” Harry moves around the table to stand where I am. My heart pulses just like it always does around him. He rests a hand on my hip, dragging it up to wrap around my waist. He must feel how hard my heart’s beating. “Did I tell you? That I love you?”

“Maybe?” I feel myself growing more present. The hole that always lived inside of me growing even smaller in this moment. It allows me to settle on the floor better; less air, more weight.

“Well I do. I love you. At 17, or at 35.” He says this with a soft kiss on the corner of my mouth.

“Well. I love you.” I return the kiss, relish in the way his hand grips my tank. “At 17, or 35.”

“Sometimes I wish I held on tighter at 17. But I look at you now and I’m excited to get to know you again.”

His words pour over me like honey. It was sweet we were still on the same page.

“I’m not letting you go this time.” Harry whispers in my ear. He pulls me in tight, swaying from side to side. “I want to spend 41 and 50 with you. I want all of you, every side.”

“Perfect,” I peer up at him. “That’s exactly what I want too.”

“And maybe one day,” he continues in a hush voice. “We’ll get a call from a young girl. She’ll tell us all about her life in a town up north. About a picture she has of her mother dressed like her father and her father dressed like her mother.”

“She’ll tell us she’s had a good life, and she’s thought about the people in the picture. She’d tell us she wants to meet them.”

“We would be able to show her the love we kept for her. Our love’s like a venn diagram, the bit in the middle is just for her. She’d know why she was born in the first place.”

“Closure,” I whisper to him. “We would know closure.”

I remember the day she was taken, how the loss of not even being able to see her felt bigger than the loss of her itself back then.

I think of a 17 year old girl, with green eyes and brown hair. With my smile and Harry’s dimples. My hands, and Harry’s height. She was loved by people, families, that she didn’t even know existed yet.

They say if you love something, let it go. If it’s meant to be it’ll come back.

As Harry and I stay intertwined in the kitchen of my flat, I send out a wish into the universe for her like I did most days. That she was healthy, happy, and one day curious enough to seek us out. That one day, she would come back.

Right now I focus on the man in my arms. The one I never thought I’d get to hold again. For now this was all I needed. I’d loved him, let him go, and after so many years apart, we were back.

#harry styles fic #writingsfromhome #harry styles x reader #harry styles #harry styles fanfic #harry styles imagine #fic #harry styles angst #harry styles fluff #harry stylesxreader #read with caution #sad but hopeful #kinda nervous to post #this fic is qd

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writingforstraykids · 8 months ago

Note

Idk if anyone requested that before but soft thoughts on Seungmin?

Thank you @skzoologist @atinyniki and @kailee08 for your ideas, I got a little lost here😢😂

do not repost, translate, or plagiarize my works in any way here or on other platforms. ©️writingforstraykids 2024 -

Seungmin loves calling you silly names and making fun of you without crossing any of your boundaries, of course. Wherever the two of you are, playful bickering can be heard, and Minho once told you Seungmin became an even bigger menace than before. He's been very careful around you in the beginning, knowing some people simply don't get it's part of his love language. Hurting you would be the last thing he wants to do. So when you first teased right back, making fun of him in return his heart stopped for a second before the brightest smile spread all over his face.

He enjoys pretending to hate your loving hugs, soft touches, or your perfect skin against his. In reality, which you both know damn well, his heart skips, and his brain needs a moment to restart whenever your sweet touch graces him. Especially whenever you start pouting at him, pretending for too long, he can't deny the effect you have on him, gently intertwining your fingers and kissing your temple in a reassuring manner.

If you ask him for literally anything, he'll be the first to throw his biggest pout your way. He whines so loudly it makes everyone's head turn whenever you're at the dorms. Your beloved Minnie can't resist you for long, though, and will get you whatever you want. He comes back with a bag of your favorite takeout, shoving it into your hand and again, pouting at you. Whenever you dare to call him out on this little habit of his, it'll only get worse, and he'll pretend to sulk for another bit.

Seungmin hates public displays of affection. It feels awkward and he doesn't want others to see how you two share the love between you. He can't fight feeling all fuzzy and happy though whenever you do something small. If your fingers brush against his, you'll kiss his cheek or wrap your arms around him his heart melts and he has trouble stopping himself from blushing.

You're in love with his voice and you never fail to tell him that. So once he got comfortable enough he started singing you to sleep almost every night. Sometimes when he's away, he makes time to call you and sing you to sleep nevertheless. He loves seeing you drift off slowly and relaxing to the sound of his angelic singing voice.

At first Seungmin isn't that great with openly telling you how much he truly loves you and how much you mean to him. So whenever he's sure you're asleep, he watches your peaceful form curled up in his arms and starts talking. He tells you the cheesiest shit right there, dedicating his life to you and pouring out every bit of love he has. It takes him a long time to say some of those things to your face but the way your eyes light up make it worth it.

Minnie made you a playlist to listen to whenever he's away, so you won't forget him. He's more than surprised when one day you send him a link to a playlist you made for him in return. He hasn't spend a trip away from you without it from that day on.

He always makes sure you're eating enough and feeding you snacks is one of his favorite tasks. Sometimes he's taking them between his teeth and teases you just to get a kiss. He loves kissing you so much, he can't help himself sometimes.

MASTERLISTS | PROMPT LIST | GUIDELINES

Taglist: (Please let me know if you want to be added to/removed from the taglist!)

@mal-lunar-28 @galaxycatdrawz @lilmisssona @silverstarburst @kthstrawberryshortcake @channieaddict @soullostinspaceandtime @michelle4eve @lixie-phoria @xxstrayland @kibs-and-bits @mellhwang @ihrtlix @pheonixfire777 @palindrome969

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shadowkoo · 1 year ago

Text

What Friends Are For

→ Summary: When your closest friend confides in you with something truly surprising, it's only natural to step in and offer your assistance, because that's what true friends do, right?

↠ vernon x f.reader | 2.8k words | 18+ ↠ genre: smut, best friends, friends to lovers, virgin/first time au

→ Warnings: explicit & unprotected sex, oral sex (male & female receiving), handjob, doggy, language, creampie, jealousy, teasing, slightly dominant!vernon, virgin!vernon, riding, breast play, nipple play, dirty talk, fingering, rough sex, deep dicking, hair pulling, begging, cum swallowing, deep throating

→ Author note: This is an updated version of an old fic of mine, I hope you enjoy it!!! If you’d like to read this on ao3 instead it’s been crossposted here! As always, all likes, reblogs, and comments are appreciated <3

“You can’t be serious!” you burst out laughing, sharing a dumbfounded look with your best friend. You’re at his apartment and he just finished telling you the most ridiculous thing ever. You chuckle again while you continue to look for a movie to watch. “You are such a liar.”

“I’m dead serious, don’t laugh,” Vernon huffs, “You have no idea what it’s like having to pretend with the guys like I know what I’m talking about.”

“Oh please, I know you’ve watched porn before and I still don’t believe that you’ve never at least gotten a blowjob before.” He can’t be a virgin. And you seriously doubt he’s made it to twenty-five without ever having his knob slobbered on.

“Well, it’s true! So just let it go,” he barks. “I shouldn’t have said anything.”

You look over to see if he’s just playing with you, he has to be. But you’re surprisingly shocked to see that he genuinely looks upset.

Realizing you hit a nerve, you apologize. “I’m sorry, I guess I just can’t believe it.” You click on a random movie to ease the awkwardness and decide to text your friends.

♡y/n♡: okie serious question, who wants to blow vern [7:50 pm]

♡cee♡: askjlasjdflkj !! [7:50 pm]

♡mal♡: giiiirl what are you on [7:50 pm]

♡y/n♡: he’s feeling down, someone’s gotta take one for the team [7:50 pm]

♡anna♡:: 👀 …. [7:51 pm]

♡anna♡: KIDDING [7:51 pm]

♡anna♡: but on a real note, why can’t you?? [7:51 pm]

♡y/n♡: ur joking right [7:51 pm]

♡cee♡: yeah you do it, i’m busy rn [7:51 pm]

♡cee♡: plus we all know he wants none of us [7:52 pm]

♡mal♡: lmao truuu [7:52pm]

♡y/n♡: what’s that supposed to mean?? [7:52 pm]

♡mal♡: idk why don’t u suck on ur boyfriend [7:52 pm]

♡mal♡: sorry i mean boy FRIEND [7:52 pm]

♡mal♡: major emphasis on the friend [7:52 pm]

♡y/n♡: i hate you guys [7:52 pm]

♡anna♡: no u don’t, now grow a pair of balls and play with his [7:52 pm]

♡y/n♡: OMG [7:53 pm]

♡cee♡: ur with him, aren’t you? sounds like the perfect time to do it [7:53 pm]

♡anna♡: and let us know after how it was 😏 and size, we’re all curious [7:53 pm]

You set your phone down intentionally upside down so Vernon can’t see the messages. At one point, you did have feelings for him but you pushed them aside in fear of ruining your friendship. How pathetic is that? Peeking over at him, you wonder if those feelings ever actually went away, or if you’ve been pretending this whole time.

He’s very attractive, that’s obvious. The last time you thought about your feelings for Vernon was about a year ago when he started dating this horrible girl. She was awful, but he was trapped under her spell and it drove you two apart. Back then, you thought that it was for the best since you wouldn’t have had the courage to tell him to break up with her and date you instead.

They dated for almost 6 months, and when they broke up Vernon was devastated. It didn’t take long for your friendship to go back to normal after their time apart, so that’s why you didn’t want to take any chances now.

Those 6 months without him were miserable and you didn’t want to live without Vernon in your life again. He was too special to you to let something as silly as old feelings come between your friendship. You don’t want to mess it up.

But on the other hand, you’ve heard friendships often create the best relationships. Would yours?

Vernon cares for you, that’s a given. But how far does it go? Sure, you two pretty much act like you’re in a relationship, but you haven’t kissed. Other than that one time when you brought drunk Vernon home… but that didn’t count because he was trashed at the time and didn’t remember it, or so you told yourself.

If you are ever going to make a move, now is the time. Do you really want to lose another chance that the universe is obviously lining you up for? Why else would he bring up the fact that he’s never had a blowjob unless he secretly wants you to give him one? Does he want more than a blowjob? Does he want you to…take his virginity?

You force yourself to quit overthinking and muster up enough courage to ask, “Vern?”

“Hmm?” he responds. He’s so caught up in the movie you’re watching that he doesn’t seem to notice you sit up and scoot closer to him. Your hands are shaking but you aren’t going to let that stop you.

‘God, what am I doing? This is so embarrassing…’

“Can I…” You mumble nervously, not being able to finish the sentence.

“Can you what?” He asks back, still not really registering what you are about to say.

’Well,’ you think to yourself, ’It’s now or never.’

You move off the couch to kneel in front of him and rest a hand on his thigh, commanding his attention away from the TV screen.

“Please, let me.”

It takes Vernon less than a second to understand exactly what you’re asking and he has no idea how to respond.

If he’s being honest, he’s always had a thing for you. Though he’s never had the guts to make a move or even admit it to you.

He swallows nervously as his length inevitably twitches in his pants. “You’re joking right?” ‘She can’t be serious. There’s no way. This had to be some kind of sick joke. But you don’t look like you were joking. In fact, you look like you’re pleading. Holy shit…’

“Not at all. I mean, we’re friends, right? Friends help each other,” you say while sliding your hands up to the button of his jeans. His eyes follow your movements as you unzip his pants and reach a hand in.

“You really don’t have to. Mingyu’s having a party and I’ll find someone and get laid this week-” his words are lost in his mouth as you wrap your small hand around his rather growing member.

“Why would you want a stranger to do it when you could have me? That’s what friends are for, silly.” You’re trying your damn hardest to make it sound like you’re doing him a favor as a friend and not doing this out of your own desire, your own need to touch him - to taste him. It’s your safety net in case he says no. In case this ends badly. However, you aren’t so sure that’s the message you’re sending since you’re quickly pulling his pants down his thighs.

You look up at him and run a finger over his tip before bringing him into your mouth for a taste. “Before I continue, I need to hear you say that you’re alright with it. Tell me that you want my mouth on your cock,” you demand playfully while your hands stroke his length.

Vernon is at war with himself. Should he give in to his desire of wanting you? Or should he pull back, laugh this off, and forget about this? How the hell is he supposed to forget about this? To forget the look of you on your knees asking to suck him off? There’s no way. It’s impossible.

“Fuck,” Vernon rubs a hand over his face and you freeze in fear of what he’s going to say. “Babe, you can do whatever you want to me. Fuck.”

Without hesitating a second longer, you lean down to take him in between your lips. His girth stretches your mouth in the most wonderful way, and you’re unable to control the moan that escapes from your parted lips. God, you aren’t even embarrassed. You lift your eyes up to watch him, his mouth ever so slightly opens and his tongue drifts out to lick his lips.

Vernon is lost. Is he supposed to hold your hair? Is he just supposed to sit here and watch? Should he be praising you right now? He has absolutely no idea. All he knows is that what you’re doing with your mouth is driving him crazy. “Oh my god, this is what I’ve been missing out on? This whole time?” Vernon leans his head back in pleasure. “Fuck,” he gasps, “I have a lot to catch up on.”

Hearing his words gives you more courage, and you relentlessly bob your head on his length, making sure to have just enough suction while doing so.

You pull back for air and let your hands tug on him while you kiss his tip, listening happily to his husky groans. Honestly, this is the best part of giving a blowjob. Knowing that you can make a guy, let alone Vernon, feel this good. You feel him twitch in your mouth and moan in pleasure. Drool is running onto your hands at this point, proof of how much you like his taste.

Vernon smirks, “I don’t know who’s enjoying this more. You,” he quickly inhales as you shove your mouth further down onto his length, “Or me.”

You slowly pull your mouth off of him, watching his face twist as you tease the underside of his tip with your tongue. “I don’t know, the look on your face tells me that you’re enjoying this a lot,” you taunt.

His legs quiver as his length once again finds the back of your throat, your hands massaging his balls. It’s too much. He has to cum, he can’t wait.

Wanting to help him out, you hum and instantly feel the sticky liquid running down your throat. Your hunger grows listening to Vernon call out your name, his hand pulling at the hair by your neck.

He watches in wonder while you swallow him, licking some of his seed off his length when you release him from your mouth. You lift a finger to rub the remaining cum around his tip, “You came.” Vernon shudders while you tease his sensitive member.

“Shit, Y/N,” he whimpers, “I couldn’t hold it any longer; not when you were doing that last thing.”

“I hope you’re not tired because I am so not done with you yet,” you whisper. You had a taste of him, and now you want more. You want all of him, and you don’t want to wait another second.

The lingering salty aftertaste in your mouth is washed away by Vernon's kiss as he pulls you up onto his lap. He lifts your shirt up and off of you, barely breaking contact with your lips in the process, before he takes off his own in the same manner.

Your hands rub along his chest, feeling his muscles tighten and relax as your touch moves along his silky skin. His head dips down to catch one of your breasts in his mouth. You roll your head back as his tongue plays with your hardening nub, a gasp leaving you when his teeth graze your nipple.

Your head snaps up when he pulls away from you.

He chuckles, “Relax, it’s time for me to return the favor.” He leaves a wet kiss on your other breast and moves down to nibble on the inner part of your thighs. After what feels like years, his hands reach for the waistband of your shorts and pull them and your panties off of you.

His tongue protrudes out and licks your center before moving closer to your clit, which he circles and sucks on gently at first. His mouth on your heat pulls moan after moan out of you, and you involuntarily take a fistful of his blonde locks when his tongue enters you repeatedly.

Vernon pulls back all out of breath and his cheeks glistening. God, it’s such a turn on to see him like that, his face damp with your cum. He reaches for you at the same time you grab for him. His lips crash against yours, your tongues twisting with each other.

Vernon slides a hand back down between your naked bodies and rubs your sensitive clit, making your back arch in pleasure. You moan into his mouth which he gladly swallows before sliding two fingers into your dripping heat, bringing you right back to where you just were. Only this time, your juices cover his long fingers instead of his face.

Just as you finish riding out your amazing orgasm, Vernon starts to sit up. Although, your hands are wrapped around his neck so he doesn’t make it that far. You pull him back down onto you, which he isn’t ready for. His knee falls next to yours, his other foot landing on the floor, causing his length to rub right up against your wet heat.

You both gasp at the contact, but it isn’t enough for you. Your hand moves to grip his member and bring him further between your lower lips, your hips moving along with his - until he hesitates, his eyes full of worry…

Vernon bites his bottom lip as you ask, “What is it?”

“I don’t know if we should go any further. I don’t have protection,” he explains.

“Oh Vernon, I don’t care. I need to feel you.” You kiss him again. “I’m on birth control anyway. I need you inside me,” you finish before gripping his hair to pull him closer to you. “Fuck me, Vernon. Fuck me hard, please,” you beg, “It’s all I’ve dreamt about. I need your thick cock stretching me out. Please, Vernon,”

Vernon almost dies hearing you say that. Shit, he’s dreamt about this moment too, and watching you beg him to fuck you like that made his length twitch with excitement. There is no way in hell he’s going to say no to you after hearing that. He leans in to kiss you hard before dipping his tip into your dewy folds. He’s being too gentle for your liking, typical Vernon behavior, so you push him to sit up and lean against the back of the couch, yourself following, and slide the rest of the way down onto him.

It takes you a moment to collect yourself before rolling your hips into his. Once you’re ready, you anchor yourself by holding onto his shoulders and he lifts his hips up to meet your delicious pace.

Your arousal soaks his member as he slides deep inside you. It’s a perfect fit, he hit all the right places and has you squirming in his arms.

“Oh my god, Vernon!” you whine, gyrating your hips to bring some relief to your aching bundle of nerves. Sweat covers both of your bodies as you fuck each other. The pleasure is almost unbearable; your insides scream for release.

As if he knows exactly what you want, Vernon flips you over and squeezes your ass cheeks before he enters you from behind. You push your face into the throw pillow below your head and grip the sofa’s arm for dear life.

“Oh god, don’t s-stop,” you drag out while he ferociously pounds into you. Vernon groans and hovers over top of you. His hand wraps around your neck and pulls your back against him.

This new angle has you shivering and Vernon can tell that you’re close again. His other hand wraps around your waist, pulling you down onto him harder. The sound of your arousal echoes through his living room, your breaths combining with the creaks of his couch.

You feel Vernon stiffen inside you, he’s close. “Cum in me. I want to feel you cum in me,” you sigh, begging for him to do so.

Vernon grits his teeth, there’s nothing he wants more than to fill you up with his cum right this second. Your legs clench as you tip over the edge. The climax hits you both instantaneously and sends you spiraling.

“Oh my god, oh god!” you cry out. Wave after wave of pleasure passes through your limp body. Thankfully Vernon is still holding onto you or you would have fallen off the couch. Resting against him, your breathing matches his.

His delicate touch leaves goosebumps along your body where his fingers trace. Everywhere tingles. You can’t remember the last time that you came this hard. It’s earth-shattering, exhausting, and yet you feel totally full of new energy at the same time.

Vernon’s cum starts leaking out of your folds, it’s a strange feeling. This is the first time you let someone cum in you and it felt oddly satisfying. Vernon reaches over to the coffee table and grabs a tissue to clean you up with before laying back down on the couch, bringing you on top of him.

“Jesus,” He pants, still completely out of breath, “Where the fuck did that come from.”

“I don’t know but I’ll be needing more of that when I wake up,” you moan, your eyelids feeling awfully heavy. Vernon’s chest vibrates, laughing at your response. He puts an arm around your waist as he whispers, “Thank you, for… well you know. That.”

“Mmm, no problem.” You turn your head over to look up at him and smile devilishly, “That’s what friends are for, remember?”

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descendantsramblings · 3 months ago

Text

Descendants Rambling Masterlist

♡Welcome to my page/Master list♡

My Requests are always open

I'm willing to write readers with she/her, he/him, or they/them pronouns

I'm willing to write 1-2 love interests

I only write for villains/vks unless it's a VK x reader x Ak situation (ex: mal x reader x ben, Jane x reader x Carlos)

I'll make suggestive comments/make out sessions but I don't write smut, these characters are all underage regardless of their actor's age

𝓜𝓪𝓼𝓽𝓮𝓻𝓵𝓲𝓼𝓽

Key:

♡ personal favorite

✎ least favorite (i might eventually rewrite)

⋆ head canons

♤ AU

𝓒𝓸𝓻𝓮 𝓕𝓸𝓾𝓻

Mal Bertha

Game Planner (He/him) After finding out how much she misses Halloween on the Isle, Mal's boyfriend does everything he can to bring her a slice of home. - Written 10/2021

Evie

Candy Apple (She/her) Evie's family history leads to her trying to back out of a chemistry project. - Written 09/2021

Carlos de Vil

Saved ♤✎ (She/her) Going back to the Isle leads to the Hook!Reader being kidnapped by her own brother, leavig Carlos to save her. - Written 10/2017

Carlos Having a Crush on You ⋆(she/her) Ben's Twin!Reader x Carlos -Written 12/2017

I've Got You✎ (She/her) Carlos has a nightmare about his mother. (Trigger Warning!!)- Written 07/2018

PB&J (They/Them) Finding out their boyfriend hates their favorite holiday leads the reader to graveling to give him a good Halloween. - Written 09/2021

I Loved You First ♡ (They/Them) Inspired by "Loved You First" By One Direction. Carlos didn't expect them to wait for him to come back to the Isle, but that doesn't make it easier to see them with someone else. (minor Gil x reader) - Written 10/2021

Jay

Dating Jay ⋆ (no pronouns used but the reader wears leggings) Jay x Cheerleader!Reader - Written 10/2018

Spidermonkey (she/her) Gothel!Reader has Jay surprise her when he sneaks through her window. Loosely inspired by twilight- Written 04/2020

Stuffed Spook (They/Them) Jay's partner gets excited by a stuffed bat and he's determined to win it. -Written 09/2021

𝓢𝓮𝓪 𝓣𝓱𝓻𝓮𝓮

Uma

Letters to the Sea♤♡ (They/Them) Soulmate AU: everything you write on your skin appears on your soulmate's skin too. Uma and the Reader write letters until they can meet. - Written 07/2021

Baking (They/them) Uma watches her partner try to prepare for the Halloween escape room. Evie's Sibling!Reader - Written 10/2021

Gil

Hook's Daughter ⋆ (She/her) Harry's younger sister is Gil's closest friend (minor Gil x Jay) - Written 07/2021

Orchard (They/Them) Gil's partner takes him apple picking during his first September in Auradon - Written 09/2021

Harry Hook

Jafar's Child ⋆ (They/them) A flirty joke leads to Harry dating Jay's sibling - Written 07/2021

Fever ♡ (She/her) Harry and Captain take care of his sick girlfriend (requested) - Written 06/2021

Haunted Castle (He/him) Harry drags his scaredy-cat boyfriend to a haunted castle - Written 09/2021

Making a Splash (she/her) One wrong move leads to two people panicking and one person hurt on the docks. Jay's Sister!Reader. (Requested) - Written 12/2021

Flirting Pirate (She/her) She only hangs around the fish and chips shop to watch after he brother, it would be easier if she didn't have to deal with the flirty first mate. Gil's Sister!Reader (Requested) - Written 02/2022

Sealed With a Kiss ♡ (She/her) Ben's twin gets kidnapped with him by a pirate who's had a crush on her his whole life. Ben's Twin!Reader (Requested) - Written 04/2022

𝓓:𝓡𝓸𝓡 𝓥𝓲𝓵𝓵𝓪𝓲𝓷𝓼

Morgie le Fay

Sunday Night ♡ (She/her) After his friends let him down, Morgie runs to his girlfriend for comfort. - Written 08/2024

In Another Life (he/him) When Rapunzel's son gets thrown back in time he finds himself to be the object of two villains' affection. Minor James Hook x Reader (Requested)- Written 08/2024

I Would Be Yours (he/him) He never thought the lips he spent years thinking about would appear to him again 3 years later. Sequels to “In Another Life” (Requested)-Written 09/2024

True to Heart (he/him) Without the pressure of parents and villains, how hard is it to be true to heart? Especially when you’re holding a book that tells you your truth. (Requested)-Written 08/2024

Tree Bark (they/them) Everyone deserves their time alone, sometimes though that well deserved time alone has to be interrupted by the sound of animal noises coming from a tree. (Requested)-Written 08/2024

Crushing (they/them) Morgie had never been good at hiding when he had a crush on someone, and they don’t mind playing the long game with his affections (requested) - Written 08/2024

Win You Over (they/them) Magical history had always been their favorite class, but this assigned partner situation had the ability to dampen that. (Requested)-Written 08/2024

Mindless Touch (she/her) Morgie hasn’t meant to upset her, he only wanted to have his hands on what was his. (TRIGGER WARNING: body image issues) (requested)-Written 08/2024

The Dominant Type ⋆(no pronouns used/GN reader) Hook x reader x Morgie head canons with a dominant leaning reader (requested) - Written 08/2024

Warm Greens (she/her) Red discovers she has a secret aunt when she sees her face next to the people who ruined her mother’s life. (Requested)-Written 09/2024

Cool Reds (she/her) She would do anything to keep him, wouldn’t she? Prequel to “Warm Greens” (Requested) -Written 10/2024

One Sided (he/him) If he has to listen to Morgie talk about Uliana one more time, he’s going to be sick (requested) -Written 09/2024

Love Letters (he/him) Morgie was growing far too attached to those little silver envelopes (Requested)-Written 09/2024

Babydoll ⋆(no pronouns used/GN reader) Hook x reader x Morgie head canons with a submissive leaning reader (Requested) -Written 09/2024

Scales (They/them) Morgie could think of 100 things he would rather do than parent a dragon with the sweetheart of Merlin Academy (requested)-Written 09/2024

Doesn't Matter (he/him) Morgana le Fay is coming to Merlin Academy's family day, and she has no idea that her son's boyfriend is a prince (Requested) - Written 09/2024

Second Place (he/him) Just once he wants to feel like his boyfriend’s first choice (Requested)-Written 09/2024

Emerald Comfort (he/him) Morgie might just be dating the sleepiest boy to ever live -Written 09/2024

Snake Eyes (she/her) Lions, tiger, and bears; just anything but snakes (Requested) - Written 10/2024

Flash Photography (She/her) Who would have thought that they would make such a good pair? (Requested) -Written 10/2024

James Hook

Call of the Sirens (She/her) As Hook sells his ship to Uma, he and his wife recall a time that she had to save him back in their prime. (Requested)- Written 08/2024

Side Effects (she/her) If Hook knew the side effects that came with those Malibu sprites, would he take them? (Requested)-Written 08/2024

Red Dress (she/her) He hadn’t meant to upset her when he picked the dress out, now Hook was set on making her see how good she looked in it. (TRIGGER WARNING: Body Image issues) (Requested) - Written 08/2024

The Dominant Type ⋆(no pronouns used/GN reader) Hook x reader x Morgie head canons with a dominant leaning reader (requested) - Written 08/2024

Eyes on Me (They/Them) The fairy wasn’t thinking about the pirates past when they excitedly called for him. They definitely didn’t mean to upset him. (TRIGGER WARNING; animal attacks and panic attacks) (Requested)- Written 08/2024

Wake Up Slow ♡ (she/her) Everyone needs a place to fully relax, and he found his in a heavy duvet and needy hands (Requested)-Written 09/2024

Babydoll ⋆(no pronouns used/GN reader) Hook x reader x Morgie head canons with a submissive leaning reader (Requested) -Written 09/2024

Bloody Charming (they/them) Hook’s flirting leads to an argument being blown way out of proportion (TRIGGER WARNING: just, yeah. I got a little too silly) (Requested)- Written 09/2024

Studious ♡ (they/them) Hook might not mind tutoring, as long as it’s for them. (Requested)-Written 09/2024

Hades

Body Better (he/him) Sometimes the weight of life can lead to your insecurities coming out in peculiar ways. (TRIGGER WARNING: Body image issues) (Requested)- Written 08/2024

Let me See (she/her) Her need to be independent keeps getting her hurt, and she really did it this time. (Requested) - Written 08/2024

Play With Fire (they/them) their mother warned them not to play with fire, now look at them getting burned (requested) -Written 09/2024

Hitting Every Mark (she/her) Turns out she had nothing to worry about, her fans love him (requested)- Written 10/2024

Uliana

Family Lines (she/her) After seeing Bridget's sister at Family Day, Uliana will do anything to earn the girl's affection. Even being nice to her ray of sunshine sister. (Requested)-Written 08/2024

Rivalry (She/her) It was only a matter of time until the two groupd of VKs either came together or tore themselves to shreds. (Requested) -Written 08/2024

Double the Trouble (she/her) Uliana might be able to date Hook’s sister, but that doesn’t mean she’s able to make Hook like the whole ordeal. (Requested) -Written 08/2024

Breathe (they/them) Sometimes the biggest villain is not knowing how people see you. (TRIGGER WARNING: Anxiety attack) (Requested)-Written 09/2024

Strongest Tides (she/her) When the leader of their crew is emotionally taken out of commission, it’s up to her girlfriend to pick up the pieces (requested)-09/2024

Maleficent

Stylized (she/her) Artistry is the highest form of flattery and Maleficent has found herself as a princess’ muse. (Requested)-Written 08/2024

Play (she/her) watching your girlfriend study can get just so boring (requested) - Written 09/2024

𝓝𝓸 𝓡𝓮𝓪𝓭𝓮𝓻

Descendants, Not Made for Kids ⋆ Changes I'd make if I made the Descendants movies as a series for teens or adults. - Written 06/2021

Style Headcanons ⋆ How I'd restyle the main characters from the OG Descendants movies - Writen 06/2021

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luvyeni · 2 years ago

Text

THE HIGH LORDS OF SPRING COURT; MINCHAN

PAIRINGS. highfae!minchan x peasant!reader

WC. 7.2k

WARNINGS. softdom!chan, meandom!minho, pwp, hate sex, mxmxf, oral (f & m receiving), praise kink, degradation, multiple sex scenes (3), double penetration, dumbification, clit play, nipple/boob play, poly relationship (cause it's minchan and i can't decide)

SYNOPSIS. After killing a close friend of theirs, chan of spring court invites you to stay in the castle to avoid being killed by the other faeries of spring court. Here you meet his brother lee know of spring court, and as much as he wants to hate you, he is drawn to you... too bad chan is too.

AUTHORS NOTE. Welcome to the first installment, did not except people to actually want this, but now i'm excited for the rest of them!

TAGLIST. @kosmoreads @hipsdofangirl @imhyvnjin @lovemepie67 @chvnnie @hgema @candiecans @my-name-is-namename @yourhwngness @midsoulz @jessyrdn @cutielittlepie @intomysoul-555 @cxentrxcks @yurippiefelix @missrobyn81 @stayinthemirohwoo @3retcha @lifeissteph @skzfelixlove @reiheis @chereshnyya @levantea @why-am-i-sad @blankdyean @kunstistliebchen @userbangchan @fairywriter-oracle @elmi-chan @compersian @mal-lunar-28 @n4tiii @ddazed-lhs @felixcharmerera @ch4nniebang @hyunibinnie

DISCLAIMER! THIS IS NOT AFFILIATED WITH THE BOOK SERIES BUT IT WILL HAVE REFERENCES TO THE BOOK.

You were aware of the dangers of being on the borders separating the mortal realm, your realm from prythian, faerie realm. You knew your bow and arrow wasn't going to stop the faeries from the other side from ripping you to shreds if they caught you just for their entertainment.

However going home empty-handed, and seeing the look of hunger on your siblings and father's faces overthrew all of your worries— that's why even though you knew the wolf wasn't an ordinary wolf, it didn't stop you from putting one of your arrows in it's back—and another in its eye.

Watching your family stuff their faces with the cooked meat, and the pretty penny you made on the skin of the beast— you felt satisfied.

Unfortunately, you are also aware of karma...

Which is why it didn't surprise you when a handsome faerie showed up at your door, ready to kill your entire family.

"Please, I beg, please have mercy on my daughter." your father pleaded, on his knees with the angry man.

"She didn't have mercy when she killed one of my men in cold blood —why should I show her any mercy?" he didn't even bother to give your father eye contact, his eyes stayed on you.

"Please." you stepped in front of your family. "please, they've done nothing, it was me who killed the faerie, not them, don't kill them please." you pleaded.

Chan watched the tears build up in your eyes, and for some reason, he felt bad, he could see your family was struggling, and he could understand why you did what you did.

He also knew the other faeries of spring court wouldn't let this go, if they found out he let you go, alive- much less without any punishment, they'd come looking for you and kill you and your family, without a second thought.

Especially lee know...

"Fine, I won't kill you, in exchange for my friends' life, i'll take yours." his voice spoke with such power, you wondered who he worked for. "What do you mean?"

"You are to come to live in spring court, for eternity- or until whenever people like you, mortals die."

You couldn't leave your family, they'd die without you, literally. "I- i'm not giving you much of a choice, you either come live in spring court or I let the faeries come kill you and your family."

"And trust me, they will come."

That's how you found yourself walking with the handsome man, back to the borders where the whole fiasco took place. "I'm gonna transport us there." He finally said a word after not speaking since you guys left the house.

"Why?

"What part of the spring court wants you dead don't you get?" you grumbled under your breath. "well if you're gonna put it that way."

He held his hand, signaling for you to take it. you hesitated, staring at his hand in confusion. he scoffed, taking it.

"If I wanted you dead, you'd be dead." before you could even blink, you were standing in the corridor of a beautiful castle.

"whoa." you stumbled a bit, confused as to how you got here that fast. "that was so cool, how did you do that?" you swore you could see him smile just a bit, before he coughed, bringing the mood back to a harsh one. "faeries are a species of many abilities." you nodded.

"Come, let me show you around."

You followed behind him, as he pointed out different rooms and things throughout the main part of the castle. "you aren't a prisoner here." he spoke as you walked around the left wing. "well you didn't give me much of choice, I couldn't let my family die from my mistake."

iI bought you here because this castle is much safer than you being out there." you scoffed. "I mean that, plus, I know what you do for your family." he was now looking you in the eyes. "I didn't leave them helpless, your family will be taken care of, you don't have to worry about them." he looked sincere. "promise?"

"I promise, we all aren't monsters." he walked away silently, and you followed behind him, feeling a little bit better than before.

"As I said before, you aren't a prisoner here, you are free to go wherever you please here in spring court, but if I were to give you any advice, you shouldn't step foot off the castle grounds, unless you are with someone, you can easily end up in another court, and of that happens then im not sure I can help you then," he explained.

"Got it." you reassured. "trust me I won't leave."

"That's good."

"＿＿, that's my name if you were wondering." you realized you didn't even know the handsome man's name.

"My name is christopher, but everyone calls me chan, ＿＿, that's a beautiful name."

"Thank you."

He was about to say something when an older woman appeared from around the corner. "Where have you been? he's been looking around for you all day." she didn't acknowledge you until he looked at her and then at you—putting two and two together, she quickly figured it out.

"This is her? why the hell is she still breathing?" the anger in her eyes made you stand behind chan in fear. "she will be staying here, you or anybody else in this castle are to leave her be." the lady looked almost scared.

"Understood?" the woman bowed. "understood, but you know he won't like this." chan rolled his eyes in annoyance. "well then let him be upset, he isn't the only high lord in spring court, he makes his decisions and i make mines."

High lord? he was a high lord?

"You're a high lord? he nodded. "there are two high lords in spring court, now please get ＿＿ ready for dinner, my sister has many dresses, i'm sure she won't mind if she borrows one."

You were scared, this was the first time you'd be left alone without chan, and quite frankly, the lady scared you.

Picking up on your behavior, he placed a comforting hand on your shoulder before speaking, "it's okay, she looks scary, but she won't hurt you." you looked at the lady, who was already staring at you. "i won't hurt you, i promise, let's go, by the looks of it, we have much to do." she took you by your arm, dragging you away.

You turned back to see if chan was still looking, and sure enough, he was, staring right into your eyes as he'd done before.

When chan said to get you ready for dinner, you didn't know he meant you'd have 3 people washing your hair and body, and then another 3 helping you put on your clothes, and doing your hair.

"Thank you." you bowed to the staff who helped you before the woman returned to take you to your room. "this is your room, i'm sure chan will see to it that you'll have a full wardrobe by tomorrow."

You walked around the huge room, eyes wide in amazement, "you could fit my entire cottage in here." you sat down on the soft bed. "oh my god, i don't think i've felt a bed this soft in my life." you felt the fabric move smoothly through your fingers.

"Trust me, my dear, you could fit your cottage in here twice." the woman deadpanned. "it's beautiful, but it isn't home." you wondered how your family was doing.

What were they doing? what did he do to them?

"Your family is fine, knowing him they'll never want for anything for as long as they live." the woman read your thoughts.

"I hope so, they aren't exactly the hunting type." the woman was now looking at you. "what is it?"

"If you have any thoughts of escaping, leave them in this room when you exit, it's dangerous out there, don't go and do something stupid" her tone was the same, but you could see the sincerity in her eyed.

"I won't, i promise- wait! what's your name?" you questioned. "everyone in the castle calls me mrs.park."

"＿＿."

The woman nodded, walking towards the door. "someone will be in to get you for dinner shortly, just wait here." with that, the lady left you alone in the big room.

—

"It's not safe for her here, he's not gonna like this." chan looked up from whatever he was doing. "what if he hurts her?" mrs. park worried for the girl.

"c'mon mrs. park, you of all people should know he wouldn't do that, you helped raised him, lee know isn't like that, he wouldn't do that." chan stood up for his friend, sure lee know often came off as cold-hearted, but he wasn't a murder.

"He wouldn't do what." the man of the hour walked through the door, took his jacket off, handing it to the maid who waited for him at the table. "did you kill the mortal who killed jaebum?"

Chan's eyes shifted over to mrs. park, who didn't just gave him a look back. "i'll go get the guest, dinner will be out in a moment." she walked out, not wanting to be there when chan broke the news.

"Guest? did you invite that pretty faerie over—gonna let me have a turn at her again?" chan rolled his eyes at his friend's response before he straightened back up.

"Well..."

"Well, who is it?"

Chan breathed in, and breathed out, before speaking, "the mortal who kill jaebum." it was dead silent, so silent that you could hear the sound of lee know grinding his teeth in anger.

"What?"

"Look lee kn- my lords." mrs. park let your presence be known. "she's here." you stared at chan then at the mystery man, who looked at you with murder in his eyes.

"＿＿, you look nice, please come sit." he pointed to the seat the in between them both, him at one end and the man at the other. "thanks." the man maintained his deadly stare until you sat down at the table.

"Dinner will be out momentarily."

It was silence, not comfortable, but scary bone-chilling silence... that was until the man spoke up, well he chuckled, and that scared you even more. "

"Lee know." chan spoke. "No chan i get it, she's pretty for a mortal and comes from a poor family, i know you love a damsel in distress, but don't you think this is a bit much?" he spoke about you like you were in the room.

As much as you wanted to hate him and the way he treated you, it kind of made you feel things...

"I couldn't just kill her." chan said. "I could." He stood up, making his way over to you. "lee know!" chan got up standing in between the both of you. "calm down."

"Calm down? you want me to calm down." he turned to you. "did you enjoy killing him? i bet you told all your friends about how you killed a innocent faerie? bet you and your family laughed as you skinned him alive, i hope you got your money's worth." he was hurt, you could see it in his eyes.

"I-i'm sorry." you bowed your head in shame. "i know what i did was wrong, but in the moment all i could think about was my family, they would've starved, i know it doesn't make up for it, i deserve whatever happens to me." it was silent just for a moment, before the servants began to bring out food.

"Lee know, let's just talk about this, you know you would've done the same if you were in her position, i couldn't let her stay in the mortal world, the faeries would kill her." chan tried to be the voice of reason, but lee know wasn't letting it happen.

"Let them, i hope she feels every single bit of pain." he spat, angrily walking out the room. Chan turned to you, with sorry eyes.

"He didn't mean it, he's just hurt."

"Yes he did, and he's not wrong, i deserve it." you felt the tears wield up in your eyes. "＿＿— i'm not hungry." you stood up from the seat. "thank you though." you took off to your room before he could see you cry.

"I told you it wouldn't work." mrs. park stood in the door. "i'll go check on her." she walked away, leaving a conflicted bangchan, and a table full of uneaten food.

—

After crying and mrs.park consoling you, bringing you different snacks and things to cheer you up, you ended up falling asleep, although you didn't get much sleep out of fear that lee know would come in and kill you.

"＿＿, can i come in?" chan's voice spoke from the other side of the door. "sure." he opened the door once he heard your small voice, walking in. "I was just looking at the flowers outside." "you can go outside and see them if you want to." you nodded.

"Maybe a little later."

"Have you eaten breakfast?" he questioned. "yes, mrs.park bought some this morning." he nodded. "＿＿, what's wrong?" are you still scared of lee know?" he could sense something was wrong the moment he walked into the room.

"Just a little." you laughed embarrassed. "he has every right to hate me though, i understand, i killed his friend, both of you should hate me, i'd hate me too." he didn't know what he was thinking, he just grabbed your hand, looking you in the eyes.

"I understand why you did what you did, lee know will understand soon too." his eyes flickered down to your lips just for a moment, then back up to your eyes.

"He's not gonna hurt you, he's harmless, im not gonna hurt you." he cupped your cheek, swiping his thumb across your cheek. "chan?" he slowly leaned in.

"you're so beautiful ＿＿, i just want to be around you for some reason, i can't help it, maybe i'm going crazy." he was about to kiss you when a from mrs.park cough broke you apart.

"You're needed my lord." he turned to you. "You're free to do what you want, i'll see you later." he turned to walking out of the room, following mrs.park.

You sat down on the bed, flustered out of your mind, he was so gentle with you, he melted all of your worried away.

"Ah!" you jumped up, slapping yourself in the face. "maybe i do need to take that walk in the garden." you stood up, smoothing your dress out."yes, that will make me feel better, a walk."

You didn't get to talk to chan that much, he had high fae work to do, but whenever he would pass you in the garden he would smile or wave, making your heart flutter.

Fortunately, you didn't see lee know that much either, even when you did, you ran the other way, avoiding him at all cost.

You thought you were safe from lee know, but then you got hungry late a night, so slipping on your shoes, you made your way to the kitchen, hoping the cooks left some cookies or something out on the table, you were met with the scowling boys face instead.

You turned to walk away, but you were roughly pushed up against the wall. "You don't seem that scared of me?" he whispered in your ear. "you are scared that i won't snap your neck right now? leave you dead for the maids to clean you up?"

"please let me go." you whimpered. "I should want to kill you right now, i should want you dead." he ignored your pleas.

"why don't i?" lee know was losing his mind, why did he want you so bad, why was his head full of hate, but his heart was yearning for you. "You killed my friend, but why do i still want you?" he rested his forehead against yours.

"Lee know." you spoke lowly, cheeks heating up, much like your encounter with bangchan earlier. "shut up." he roughly let you go, walking away, you finally let out a sigh of relief.

They both made you feel a certain way; they both had your stomach doing flips. you wanted both of them...

It's been a few weeks since your almost kiss with chan, and the whatever happened in the kitchen with lee know, and it hasn't really been easy.

There was chan, he was sweet and attentive towards you, spending time with you whenever he had time to, giving you gifts, and holding your hand.

But then lee know was the opposite, he wasn't horrible, but he also didn't have nice things to say to you when he did acknowledge you- other times, he'd just talk to chan about you, in front of you, like you weren't there, and you didn't even care when he'd pinned you up against the wall, just to tell you how much he wished chan would've let you stay with your family so he wouldn't feel the things the did.

"Seems like you feel something for both of them, and they've both taken a liking to you also." mrs.park tightened the string on your dress.

"Please chan could have any faerie he wanted— and if you think someone wishing they had the hate in their heart to snap your neck flirting, then i think you need to meet new faerie men mrs.park." you smiled.

"Hello." chan knocked on the door, with a smile. "my lord? are you not supposed to be busy right now?" mrs.park scolded the boy. "i know, i know, but i got a few hours off." he looked like a little kid trying to explain to his mother. "why?"

"So i can walk with ＿＿ in the garden." you were shocked. "w-with me?" he nodded. "if you don't mind, i would love to." you turned to mrs.park. "we were supposed to bake cookies today, but fine, go on your little walk, i'll be here later." you hugged her, before following chan out the door.

"These flowers are so pretty here." chan watched with a fond smile, as you bent down, touching and smelling the different flowers, sighing in content. "They smell good too."

"I guess you haven't seen many flowers." you shook your head in agreement. "In the mortal realm you'd be lucky to even see a patch of green grass." he smiled with pity. "I didn't know it was that bad over there." you shrugged. "It's not all bad, i mean at least i didn't have faeries wanting to rip my head off." he frowned.

"Don't be so morbid, they don't all want to rip your head off." you stared at him. "yeah, that makes me-hmph!" you were taken a back by him covering your mouth. "don't say a word." he pulled you behind, just as a group of faeries walked up to him. "don't be alarmed, it's just a glamour, they won't be able to see you." he explained quickly before turning to two faeries in front of them.

"Channie." the pretty blonde faerie spoke, her voice like honey. But you were confused, it was like they couldn't see you, they didn't even acknowledge you.

"Where have you been my lord why haven't you called?" chan coughed, well aware of your presence. "well- i-i've been busy, yeah busy." the pretty brunette girl pouted.

"With the mortal, no doubt, she's gonna die here." her tone more harsh, when news broke out that chan hadn't killed you, but in fact invited you to the castle, the whole of spring court was in a uproar... they in fact didn't take it well.

"She'll eventually get curious, and venture out of the castle, and I know i'll be at the front gate ready to tear her limb from limb." the girls bitterly walked away.

Chan sighed, turning to you, "i am so sorry." he grabbed your hand. "it's fine." you took your hand away. "i'm gonna go back to my room now." you whispered. "but our walk?" he didn't want it to be over. "they're gone now, it's okay."

"Chan stop saying it's okay when it's not, it's not safe for me here why won't you understand that." you were tired of hearing that. "look what just happened, you just had to make me invisible so they won't kill me, i'll never be able to go home, i'll be stuck here forever, in my stupid room." you spat, bitterly.

"＿＿, please- just let me go back to my room." you turned to walk away, but he grabbed your wrist, turning you around, slamming his lips into yours.

"c-chan." you tried to pull away, but instead of responding he just transported you both to your room. "i told you i won't let anyone hurt you." his voice low as he kissed your neck.

"Why won't you believe me?" he stopped, staring at you with lust in his eyes. he didn't let you finish, kissing you once more.

He held you one hand on your lower back, reaching up to untie the dress. "you're safe with me." he whispered, slowly removing your dress, stripping you naked. "i promise." he backed you up, until you fell on the bed, climbing on top of stopping right at your heat.

"C-chan." you were so conflicted; sad, confused, angry, most importantly...you were extremely horny. "tell me you want it, tell me want this." he kissed the inside of your thighs.

"I-i w-want you." he smiled up at you, giving your clit a kiss, before he licked your folds, holding your legs open, giving you everything he could give. "fuck chan!" you moaned out.

His nose bumps against your clit, making your body flinch. chan moaned against your cunt, tongue focused on prodding at your expectant hole. You moaned, reaching your hand to grab fistfuls of his hair, pushing his head. "so sweet, you taste so good."

You let out another mewl of pleasure when he decided to add a finger to the mix, switching between fingering you and eating you out. "you're clenching hard around my finger." he hovered over you, kissing your neck.

"chan fuck— i'm gonna cum." you whined, rolloing your hips against chan. "yeah? gonna cum for me?" you nodded, moaning. "please."

"cum for me." he added another finger, speeding up his pace, and that's all you needed for the knot in your stomach to snap, and you came, clenching around his fingers fingers.

"did that feel good?" he pulled his fingers out, unbuckling his pants. "really good." you smiled, still in a daze. chan got rid of pants and his under, lining his hard cock at your entrance. "is this okay?" you nodded, whining.

"chan please, i want- my god " he slowly fucked into your wet hole, letting out a moan himself. "you feel so good fuck ." he tried to control himself, wanting to take it slow with you. "so wet." he leaned down, leaving kisses on your neck.

"chan, i want more." you wrapped your legs around his waist, feet digging into his back. "shit, you're killing me." his pace began to to pick up, his thrust more powerful.

"i'm addicted to you, i don't know what to do, i cant get enough of you, fuck." he was saying anything, but he didn't care, it was like he couldn't even use his brain.

"Chan, i-i can't hold it, im gonna cum, fuck! " you warned, clenching hard around him hard, cumming, triggering his own orgasm, he pulled out of you right before his cum shot out of his cock, landing on your stomach. "shit." he breathed in and out heavily, letting you calm down before he pulled out of you slowly.

"Did you like it?" you nodded, eyes fluttering tiredly. "i'll go get something to clean you up." he climbed out of the bed, putting his clothes back on, leaving to the bathroom to get a warm rag.

"Let's get you cleaned up." he returned back to the room, but much to his surprise, you were already fast asleep. he quickly but gently cleaned you up, before climbing into the bed with you, pulling the blanket over your bodies, pulling you close. "sleep tight love." he smiled, turning the lights off.

—

You had awoken the next morning to the sun shining in your face. groaning, rubbing your eyes, "what's going on."

"good morning." mrs.park stood in front of you. "chan had business to take care of in night court and he won't be back until tomorrow afternoon—he told me to tell you how deeply sorry he is." you frowned just a little bit, wishing you could've talked about what happened. "thank you."

"I see you two had much fun yesterday evening, you never made it to dinner." you looked at your current state, ears burning in embarrassment. "i- relax, it's nothing i haven't seen before." you nodded. "now get up, it's time for breakfast." the woman turned to leave the room, leaving you naked in the bed, thinking about the night before.

the day went by slowly; you had painted, taken a walk, and even took a very long nap, and eaten dinner. By time evening did come you had officially done everything you could do.

You couldn't sleep, and the sun had set, meaning you could take a walk in the garden, and mrs.park couldn't accompany you to anything, because she had long went home to her family, so you were left to roam the castle alone, which is what you did.

Looking at the different paintings around the place, just walking in silence and peace... sadly, that didn't last long, because you crashed right into a body. "Why are you on this side of the wing?" you mentally cursed at yourself hearing lee knows voice.

"I told you to stay out of my sight."

"I'm on my way back to my room there's no need to be rude." your eyes widened, trying to figure out where you got that confidence from.

He laughed bittrtly, "you fuck the high lord and suddenly got a surge of confidence." he scoffed, before backing you slowly up against the wall, leaning down to whisper in your ear. "he isn't hear right now, there's nothing stop me from snapping your neck." he spat, backing up. "stay outta my wing." he went to walk away.

You felt all the anger bubbling inside you, and without a thought you shouted at him. "kill me then." he stopped, turning to you. "what?" "

I said kill me then, do it." he walked towards you again. "you don't get to do this, i know what i did was wrong, but you don't get to fuck with my head anymore— surpressing your feelings- shut up -or whatever you have for me, whether you hate me or not by installing fear in me, just because you get off on it, it's none of your business who i fuck, so either kill me or leave me the fuck alone." he grabbed your throat, pushing agaisnt the wall.

You let out a moan in pain, "let me go!" he tightened his grip just a bit, his breathing heavy. "i said shut up." his eyes were dark with both anger and lust.

"lee know-" he slammed his lips against yours, teeth knocking against yours, it was a messy kiss. completely different from chan.

"You just had to keep talking, hm— you just had to get me like this, you couldn't just stay out of my sight." his tone made your mind fuzzy. "l-lee know, please." you whined. "that's all you can say?" he released your neck, letting you finally breath, but that didn't last long before he grabbed your wrist, dragging you into a room you could only assume was him.

"You won't stay out of my way—you won't shut up? " he gripped your shoulder, pushing down to your knees. "fine, i'll put it to use." he pulled his pajama pants down, looking down at your pleading eyes, scoffing at how you looked at him with lust in your eyes, even he was treating you so rough. "suck me off." he pulled his cock out.

You grabbed it, gulping as his size, a little bit smaller than chan, but thicker. "don't just stare at it suck it." he guided it to your lips, pushing past your teeth. "shit." he closed his eyes, sighing as he guided his cock into your mouth.

"suck."

You bobbed your head up and down, jerking off the inches that couldn't for. "i didn't say jerk me off, i said suck." he swatted your hands away. "let me do it." he pushed your head all the way down, groaning when you swallowed around his cock. "fuck, just like that."

"Your mouth feels good— shit, i'm gonna fuck your face." he gathered all your hair together, forming a makeshift ponytail.

"Tap my thigh if it's too much."

He pulled out half way, before he began to move his hips, fucking your throat, the lewd noises coming from you egged him to go faster. "s-shit, if you keep swallowing around me like that, im gonna cum in your little throat." he continued his abused against your throat.

"Fuck fuck fuck, so fucking nasty, making a mess like this on my cock— im cumming, shit!" he held you down, nose pressed against his hip bone, cumming down your throat.

He let you go, letting you breathe and cough for a quick moment— before he grabbed your arm, pulling up, dragging you over to his bed. "ass up." he pushed you down on the bed. "now!"

he got rid of all his clothes, getting behind you. "fucking your throat got you this wet." he slapped your ass , making you yelp in pleasure. "slut." he lined his cock with your entrance, fucking into you without warning. "lee know fuck!" he slapped your ass, thrusting into you.

"Making such a fucking mess on my cock, did you cream like this for chan, huh? just go around fucking everybody, you'd fuck a faerie if you could." you couldn't speak, he was much rougher than chan, and his words were much more degrading, but it still gave you the same amount of pleasure.

He grabbed your hair, pulling you back. "I'm talking to you, fucking speak!" you screamed as he fucked jnto you harder. "yes!"

"I knew you would, you let chan fuck you open, then me, you enjoy this—you talk about me getting off on fucking with you, but you get off on two guys being in love with you, obsessing over you, wanting you." he wasn't wrong, but hearing it come out of his mouth, had your head spinning a you came.

"Lee know, im cumming!" his movements began to falter. "shit." he pulled out cumming on your back, as your arms finally gave out and you fell on the bed, exhausted.

He didn't say a word, getting off the bed to get something to clean you off, getting in the bed next to your sleep worn out body. "i don't hate you idiot."

—

When you woke up, you were no longer in lee knows room, but your room, and everything that happened came flooding back to you; you and lee know, you and chan... chan.

He was supposed to come home today, knowing him, he'd want to talk about what happened with him and you, and you couldn't have this talk, knowing you had feelings for lee know also.

"shit." you pulled the covers over your head in shame, but mrs.park interrupted your shaming by pulling the covers back. "great you're fully clothed today."

"Mrs.park, i messed up." the lady stared at you. "You didn't mess up, you had intercourse with both the high lords because you are in love with both of them." she said matter of factly. "i told you this would happen, now get up, we have to get you dressed, breakfast is ready." you groaned, pulling the covers back over your head.

After breakfast, you were heading back to your room, when you ran into lee know, not ready to face him, you quickly b-lined it to your room, closing and locking the door. "open the door, let's talk about this." you heard lee know's voice.

"I'm not feeling well, i'm gonna take a nap." lee know knew you were lying, he knew you just didn't want to talk about what happened.

"Fine." he was about to use his powers to open it, when he was called away for his high lord duties. "well talk later." you heard his feet retreat down the hall, you sighed in relief.

Biting your lips, you knew chan would be here any second, and you still didn't want to talk about it. "he's here, and he is calling for you." mrs.park opened the door with her powers. "let's go." she pulled you out of bed, dragging you down to the common area, to where chan waited with a smile and flowers.

"＿＿." he handed you the flowers. "i'm sorry i had to go, i had matters to go take care of some involving my sister and night court." you nodded, and he noticed your hesitancy.

"You okay?"

You nodded smiling, "yes, thank you for the flowers, i'm just a bit tired, haven't been feeling well." he frowned. "do you need a doctor, i can you one." you quickly stopped him. "i'm fine, just gonna get some rest." you quickly shuffled away, leaving a confused chan.

And that's what you did for the next three days with the both of them— whenever you saw them in the hallways or ran into in the kitchen or garden, you quickly ran away to your room.

Chan also noticed how lee know began asking for you, asking mrs.park are you okay, or asking the cook if you had eaten; he wasn't dumb, he was aware of his friends feelings for you, he knew the moment lee know laid eyes on you he had feelings for you, much like he did.

Is that why you were avoiding him? did you have sex with lee know? did you have feelings for lee know and him? he needed to talk to lee know.

"Did you and ＿＿ have sex? is that why she's avoiding us?" chan interrupted whatever the man was doing. "hello to you too." lee know excused the staff. "why do you ask such questions?"

"Cut the shit lee know." lee know seen how serious he was being, sighing, "yes, we have sex." chan wasn't upset though, more so confused. "are you mad?" lee know questioned. "i know we both have feelings for her, but i'm willing to back off- that's not it." chan interrupted the boy.

"Then what is it?"

"Why is she avoiding us?"

"Because she's scared, she can't control her emotions." mrs.park stood in the door way. "She's scared of hurting one of you, so she's avoiding both of you." she deadpanned. "dinner is ready." she walked out the room.

You didn't join dinner either, but the boys didn't mind, they had other things to talk about...

"I like her, you like her; she obviously likes both of us." lee know said like he'd been thinking hard about it. "i don't think it's a bad idea." chan thought about it for a second. "you're basically agreeing to a poly relationship, you know that right?" lee know shrugged.

"I don't want to lose her, you don't want to lose her, she is stressing herself over this, all we need is her consent."

"Now how do we do that, when she doesn't even want to come out of her room?" lee know chuckled. "she likes to roam the castle at night time."

—

You waited until you were sure the castle was silent, before slipping your shoes on, walking out of your room for your nightly walk around the castle, also first time leaving your room the whole day.

You barely had time to to wonder before you were caught.

"You're avoiding us baby." chan snuck up behind you. "why?" you could feel him breathing down your neck. "i-i'm not avoiding you." you turned around, facing him.

"Really?" you now felt lee know breathing down your neck—you were sandwiched in between both of them. "because it seems like you have."

"I just haven't been feeling well." you tried to lie, but both boys knew the real reason. "hyung, she thinks we're stupid." lee know smirked, you couldn't see it, but you could feel it.

"No she doesn't, she's a bit confused, aren't you baby?" chan cupped your cheek, you knew you weren't getting away this time. "im not mad that you had sex with lee know baby, i'm not dumb, i know about your feelings towards him."

"you're not mad?" he smiled. "no, i don't mind it at all, he can have you too, as long as your happy that's all that matters.."

Your head was spinning so much, you hadn't noticed lee know's hands creeping up on your waist, pulling you flush against him, making you gasp. "i don't enjoy being ignored though." his tone much more darker. "if you're gonna be with me, you're gonna learn when i give you a order you do it."

"Is that what you want baby, do you want both of us?" you were full of many emotions, you thought you were dreaming.

"Answer him." lee know shook your body a little.

"I-i do, i want you both." and with that, chan leaned in his pillow soft lips on yours. "This is kind of hot." lee know left little kisses on your neck, now all three of you were making out in the hallway.

"Let's move this to your room." they guided you to your bed, both of their hands never leaving your body; chan's soft touch, mixed with lee knows rough one... it was mix that made your body melt.

"Let's get you out of this." chan removed your nightgown, naked body on display for both of them. "gorgeous, baby."

"I wanna taste, i didn't get a chance last time." lee know pushed your body on the bed. "lee know, be gentle." the younger boy rolled his eyes. "she likes this hyung, she like being treated like a rag doll." he spreaded your legs, placing his body right in between. "told you, she's wet, she enjoys this shit." he dived him, much more rougher than chan was.

Chan flicked one of your nipples. "you're so beautiful baby." he bought his mouth to one of your boobs, sucking on it.

"Oh my god." both of the stimulations sending you on a whirlwind of pleasure.

After giving both of your sensitive breast attention, he stood up unbuckling his pants, pulling his hard cock out, pressing his tip against your lips. "be a good girl and suck me off baby." he guided his cock in and out of your mouth slowly, sighing in content. "fuck yes." he threw his head back.

meanwhile, lee knows assault on your pussy with his tongue turned into an assult with his fingers and tongue, had your eyes crossing. "such a pretty cunt, your little pussy was clentching around nothing, so i filled it with my fingers."

Your moans went straight around chans cock as he continued slowly fucking your mouth. "Baby, im gonna cum, you gonna swallow my cum like a good girl?" you hummed around him, setting his orgasm off, and he came into your mouth with a loud grunt. "fuck, princess you did such a good job."

Knowing you were about to cum, lee know began to speed his pace us, rubbing circles against your clit. "cum for me, be a good slut and cum." his degrading words setting you off, screaming his name as you came on his fingers.

He pulled his fingers out of you, placing them in his mouth. "mmh, taste so fucking good." he pushed his fingers into your mouth. "suck."

"How are you doing baby, you good?" chan checked in on you. "i-i'm fine, channie, i want more." you mewled, eyes glossed over.

"Of course she does, probably all that's on her mind mind." lee know flicked your sensitive bud.

"How do you want it baby? you want us both at the same time or one at a time?"

"s-same t-time."

"You think your cute little cunt is gonna take both of us?" lee know lewd words make you whine. "i-i can take it." you sounded so pathetic, but you didn't care.

Chan layed on the bed, pulling your body on top of him. "i'm gonna go first, okay." he grabbed the base of his cock, sliding inside of you. "fuck baby, you're so fucking wet—fuck lee know, hurry up before i cum." he groaned.

"Look at you fucking dripping." he slapped your ass, grabbing the base of his cock, you weren't sure when he took his clothes out, but you were to high on them both to care.

He lined his cock up with your entrance, pushing himself inside, you screamed at the burning stretch, it hurt, but it felt so good. "fuck you're so fucking tight." they both waited for you to be ready before they moved.

"p-please move." they moved their hips, when chan thrusted out of you, lee know thrusted into you so you were never not full of them.

They were completely different from each other, chan was much more soft, thrusting into you softly rubbing your hips. "you're doing so well taking us both like this baby, fuck you're so warm." he praised, leaving little kisses.

Meanwhile, lee know was much more rough, his thrust were much more sharp. "fucking slut, letting us both fuck you open like this, so nasty, gonna let us both fuck you full."

The mixture between the praising and degrading made you a babbling mess. "n-nothing up there, hyung i think we fucked her dumb." both of them began to thrust sloppily into you. "it's okay baby, just let it go, we got you, you can cum." your mouth went slack as you came, hard around both of them.

"shit" chan was the first to pull out of you, cum painting his abs, he held you as lee know thrusted a few more times, before he pulled out cumming on your back, like he had done the night before.

"Fuck."

The room was silent, besides the heavy breathing of all three of you. "she fucking squirted." was the last words you heard before you past out from exhaustion.

The boys didn't leave you the entire night, chan held your sleeping body, cleaning you off, careful not wake you; while lee know got some fresh sheets, putting them on your bed. after your bath chan carried you back to the room, laying you on the bed, cuddling against you.

"You staying?" he asked the other boy. "fine, stay on your side though." he climbed into bed with the both of you.

It was silent, they both listened to your light snoring, before chan spoke up. "what do we do? about the other faeries? we can't keep her locked inside the castle."

"We tell them to back off, if they have a problem with it, they can come talk to us about it, we know they won't do it if they don't want their head ripped off by me." chan chuckled softly at the boy, before looking down at your sleeping body.

"Whatever happens, we'll work it out."

©️LUVYENI

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there-are-no-angels · 7 months ago

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in honor of the trent post, here are some other total drama characters i think would age regress + some images i think fit the situation

recovered zeke au that still regresses into that feral state? shit, i think i’m kinda cooking here. probably sucks his thumb and has a rat plush he really likes. he hates tight spaces because they remind him of the tight spaces in the plane and the cage chris put him in, but he does like being under the covers.

EXPLOSIVO ONLY LOVES TWO THINGS. NAPS AND STUFFIES!!! in all seriousness, this is a bit of self projection, because my identity is also really unstable and weird. do not let her cute wide eyes and star shaped pacifier fool you, she is a feral little toddler who will bite you and play pretend by hitting you with a stick she taped to a knife.

surprise! :3 bet this one was unexpected. back on topic, i feel like he would hate himself for it. he never bothered to figure out why it happened or what it meant, just taking it at face value and thinking it was just another thing that made him worse. until [character of your choice] found him regressed, and he made a total fucking fool of himself trying to explain it to them. now [whoever you said before] takes care of him.

do i even like… have to explain this one? or is it just true? i’d like to think mal also regresses, and everyone else scrambles to stop them from doing anything stupid. but that never matters, because either way, mike ends up crying, and mal ends up being dragged off to the time out corner by vito. a fate worse than death, really.

i cannot explain this one. i just feel like he becomes a pathetic little creature sometimes. he probably eats even more dirt. i’d like to think he runs around outside and gets himself dirty climbing trees and digs in the ground like a dog. [whoever you want] can give him a bath after.

this can work for a recovered au, or one where she never mutated in the first place. will say she doesn’t need someone to take care of her, and then ask you to take care of her when the regression actually hits. likes taking naps and probably has a hello kitty pacifier. either speaks in broken english or prefers not to speak at all, she would rather communicate with small noises like growls.

#total drama #tdi #td ezekiel #td zeke #td izzy #td alejandro #td mike #td mal #td vito #td scott #td dakota #age regression #age regressor

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pablotorresgf · 3 months ago

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I’AM- Pablo Gavi

Notices: angst! (Are we surprised?) Song starts at 0:56 for lyrics to line up! Please remember that English is not my first language and I’m still trying to gain my confidence in writing back. Thank you!

You’re sitting in your apartment, staring at your phone. It’s late, and the silence of the night feels suffocating. Pablo’s last message still haunts you, the words replaying in your mind like a broken record. "Ya no sentía lo mismo que antes." He couldn’t even say it to your face, couldn’t even give you that courtesy.

He had been distant for months, his focus shifting entirely to football, to his career. You tried to be supportive, to understand, but every ignored call, every unanswered text chipped away at your patience. And when he finally admitted it, admitted that he didn’t feel the same way anymore, it shattered you.

"Me alejé porque vos no te fuiste. Quería estar tranqui, no lo entendiste."

You didn’t understand because he never explained. You wanted to be there for him, but he saw your presence as a burden, a distraction from his goals. He thought you were trying to control him, manipulate him. But all you ever wanted was to love him, to be loved in return. The nights are the worst. The bed feels emptier, colder. You curl up, trying to find comfort in the silence, but it only amplifies your sadness. "Ni la luna vino a verme. Perra, duermo en paz, pero estoy más triste." You want to hate him for calling you that, but the pain is too raw, too consuming to allow room for anger.

You scroll through your playlist, each song a painful reminder of what you had, what you lost. "Me identifiqué con letras antiguas que antes no me hacían tan mal." Songs you once listened to together now sting with every note. You turn them off, unable to bear the memories they bring.

You remember the arguments, his cold indifference, and your desperate attempts to make things work. He never wanted to change, never wanted to compromise. "No quería cambiar para gustarte. ¿Soluciones? Manipularme." You realize now that he never truly loved you, not in the way you loved him. You wanted to believe in him, in what you had, but it was all an illusion.

"¿Quién podría seguir? Vos querías la razón. Yo amarte, qué corazón cobarde." He called you cowardly, but he’s the one who couldn’t face the truth, who couldn’t admit his own failings. You wanted to believe there was still hope, that things could be fixed. But he was already gone, long before he ever said the words.

Your friends tell you to move on, to find someone who will appreciate you. But it’s not that simple. You’re filled with songs that now carry his name, each one a painful reminder of what you lost. "‘Toy lleno de temas que ahora sí tienen tu nombre, menos el que dice 'M.A.i'."

You lie there, the silence heavy and oppressive. You know you need to let go, but the pain is too fresh, the wounds too deep. The love you had, or thought you had, is now just a series of painful memories. You close your eyes, trying to find some semblance of peace, but all you find is the aching void he left behind.

And so you lie there, tears staining your pillow, wishing things had been different, wishing he had stayed. But he didn’t, and now you’re left to pick up the pieces of a shattered heart, alone in the darkness.

#Spotify #fc barcelona #pablo gavi x reader #pablo gavi imagine #pablo gavi

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lilisouless · 1 year ago

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Things i will defend on the sab show

-Alina in season 1 (season 2 is another deal)

-Season 1 overall being better than the first book

-Genya's portrayal, sorry, i like her better on the show, to me book!genya , while i always found her sympathetic, was really hard to know and , hate me for this; her friendship with Alina is better on the show

-Zoya, never will claim her portrayal was ideal,but the fact that , mostly she gets more dignity that zoya on the first two books (really, read them again, you will be surprised by the amount of slutshaming she is set up for)

-The lack of Sergei , no Sergei is always a plus

-Nikolai, get over it,Nikolai needed to be played by a good actor, he is a well rounded character writen by Leigh Bardugo , not a porn fuel man written by SJ*gunshot* also if you are bothered by the fact that show!Nikolai doesn’t force a kiss on an underage girl and is not classist to Mal, that seems like a you problem

-Not going passionately with this because i would rather not talk about him at all , but the darkling’s portrayal on season one (at least compared to the books) season two again is another story

-Stop trying to pretend you loved book!Fedyor, you don’t remember book!Fedyor other than he died

-And overall…Wylan, at least personality wise, because he is actually one of the most accurate characters with the exception of the reading scene, which well just one scene, way less missteps than most characters. The show did a lot of things badly , awfully, destroyed lives, Wylan’s personality was not

#everything else on the show can and shall be slandered to death #netflix shadow and bone #leigh bardugo #grishaverse #six of crows #shadow and bone

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thebearme · 11 months ago

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OH WAIT MY DUMBASS FORGOT TO ALSO ASK BTW IF YOU HAVE ANY HEADCANONS ON CAMERON OR GWEN

Imma just gonna start with Cam first, and let me just tell you Cameron I projected the most on because even after my "ihatehim no ilovehim" phase so idk maybe some of this could be out of character srry.

I imagine Cameron is south African, particularly Zimbabwean.

His a walking nerd emoji.

The only pass time Cam had was to draw bugs. So he's REALLY GOOD at drawing bugs. Only bugs. Everything else looks like it's from the diary of a wimpy kid.

Cam not that keen of physical touch but slowly getting used to it cuz of Mike. Mike also trying to remember that everyone is open on surprise hugs.

Idk why but with Zoey and Cam's relationship I just think of Carly and Freddie but without the crush.

Gwen and Cam would have art trades together.

Cam got the dryess hands in existence because of the amount of hand sanitizer he uses. OCD GAND RISE UP!

Im saying this now but Cam and B would TOTALLY VIBE TOGETHER!! i just don't know their intentions are yet so dont ask..

Lightning and Cam would have hangout if not for the cheating thing.

Duncan once asked Cam if he can draw a mural of his pet spider Scruffy.

Sam would take it as his personal duty to teach Cam in the way of being a gamer. By teaching him the Zelda timeline and the lore of FNAF. May god rest Cam soul after that.

Cam doesn't not do well with the more active people in Mike's system like Svetlana and Manitoba. They try to be gentle with him but they just don't know their strengths and Manitoba canonically eats dirt so there's only so much they can hangout.

Vito doesn't vibe with nerds but he does occasional try to back him up if he's getting bullied. ONLY if Vito himself isn't bullying Cam.

Cameron actually has the best relationship with Chester. He loves hearing history and old facts and Chester loves the excuse to chat someone's ears off.

Mal and Cam have more of a neutral relationship with each other but I can definitely see Mal thinking his just some weakling nerd until Cam shows him he knows how to make the Demon core.

Cam and Mike started a hate Scott club. Although Cam feels alil bad about, he tends to be reminded of why they started this club every time they go back to their cabin.

Cam once witnessed Scott use the bathroom without washing his hands. And never liked him since.

There was one time between season, Mike, Cam and Zoey were going on a little road trip. Z & M both ask what song should they play next? Cam said he doesn't know any songs so maybe just play the Ice cream truck theme. And that's when they find out HOW sheltered this boy is.

I would get into the nitty gritty but Cam's mom is NOT a good mom. Zoey and Mike have beef with her (Zoey trys to have the benefit of the doubt and said she just too over protective while Mike legit DONT like her.)

They both make sure that Cam gets as much outside time as possible and learn to have a life outside of his house.

When Cam goes to college is going aboard as an entomologist.

When Cameron first came on TD he didn't know what to wear because obviously he's never been outside so it a mixture of hot and cold clothes. Bro don't know fashion but it's his outfit changes in All Stars.

He's wearing a puffer jacket because it reminds him of a sleeping bag and makes him cozy + it has a cooling system inside thanks to B.

#ask #total drama #td cameron

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thebluestbluewords · 5 months ago

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Audrey’s Diary

I’m reading through Audrey’s diary, and I have to say…out of all the descendants tie-in books, this one has been my least favorite so far. There’s some fun moments, but overall it’s rehashing the events of the movies that we’ve already seen, and only adds a little bit of additional Audrey perspective. Compared to Mal’s Spellbook, or Evie’s Fashion Book, there’s not a lot of additional content that we don’t already see in the movies.

That being said, there’s some really fun moments of Audrey POV that help expand on her relationship with her parents, her grandmother, her godmothers, and even some of her Auradon friends. It’s not my favorite tie-in book, but it’s still fun to read.

This page is fun for a couple of reasons- we get to hear about Sir Choppington’s, which is apparently in East Riding, near King George Town. (I’m collecting a list of Auradon town names. Who King George is doesn’t matter here. He’s got a town named after him!!)

Either Jane doesn’t look up salon reviews before she gets her hair cut….or her mom made the decision for her, which feels like a strong possibility considering Jane’s relationship with her mom in the first movie. Audrey’s mom isn’t even present in the movie, so it’s not surprising that she wouldn’t consider Jane’s mom telling her where to go as an option in this bad haircut saga.

I know that this book is supposed to make Audrey feel more sympathetic, but honestly I just feel bad for her. Judging your friend’s haircuts is a time honored tradition, but the focus on how Jane ignored Audrey’s advice really does feel like something a self-centered teenager would write. It certainly doesn’t feel very sympathetic to poor Jane….which might be an indication of how their friendship falls apart later on.

Speaking of hair, here’s another page where we get a more detailed view of Audrey’s opinions on other people’s hair. This page is basically her line from the movie, not quite word for word….but pretty close. I was a little disappointed that we dont get anything else about why Audrey dislikes magic- her mother fell under a magic spell, but she also had a magic color changing dress that’s pretty iconic. Magic for beauty feels like a slippery slope for teenagers who are unhappy with their bodies, sure, but Audrey bby….you go to a salon to change your hair layer in this book. Changing your appearance is only bad when you’re doing it with magic, not dye or extensions?

I’m impressed with how well the Auradon Prep sixth grade Gateway Magic seminar seems to have preached magical abstinence-only education. Kudos to Fairy Godmother on ensuring that her students both hate and don’t understand magic. The nods to Auradon Prep classes are one of my favorite things in this book.

#descendants #I’m not a huge fan of Audrey but I do feel for her #she’s raised in a certain princess environment and she was NOT PREPARED for that to change

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writingbyshiloh · 1 year ago

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I Love as Madly as I Hate

CW: JW universe (blood, reader kills and gets stabbed), ANGST!, Reader wears a dress, verbal fighting, dead marrage, Vincent being a dick and no beta (and Grammarly gave up halfway through), One sentence in French which means “leave us alone”, implied smut

AN: I hope this is angst, I don't really read angst myself. I overthought the tense this is in so much that words don't make sense anymore. FUN FACT! The title is from Les Fleurs du Mal which I want to have made an appearance in the other Marquis fic but I thought the title was fitting.

The bounty amount is in the sweet spot. High enough that it’s worth the effort, but not too high that half the world would also be trying to bag them with you. The only problem was with who set the bounty. That would be your ex, of six months. Well technically he's still considered your husband, and you were still legally married.

That was your fault, bringing up the idea of a divorce, and waiting for him to sign. Wanting to get one last dig in while still married, you act surprised, reminding him he can’t get a second marriage, second changes are for men who failed the first time, remember? He took the papers from your hand, never for you to see again. Sometimes you think he burned them.

The hit was for a mob member - Lukas Matthews, young and new to the underworld, not sure how things worked. He stole from one of his bosses, an acquaintance of Vincent. The younger mob man was distracted by all things flashy, expensive, and pretty.

You didn’t have any trouble donning a sparkly dress, paying admittance to some dive club to stalk the man. As long as you push down the feeling that you were really just doing this to get a glimpse of Vincent, it was okay. Great even. Maybe if you were a normal person you could just call him.

You watch the target for a while, sipping on soda from the bar so you could blend in. The man was still with his friends, and you figured it would be easier to take him when he was alone, probably outside, away from the other members of his group or innocent partygoers.

—.

Lukas ultimately lost, but he fought nasty. Maybe you were still rusty. The rest of your night now consisted of trying to patch up yourself or trying to find a black market doctor to fix you, depending on how bad your shoulder gets.

You were littered with scrapes, small cuts and sore muscles, but your shoulder got the worst of the battle. Lukas managed to cut quite deep with a broken beer bottle. Once it heals it will be a reminder of all the things you do to try and convince yourself that you’re over your husband.

Pain flared every time you moved your shoulder, the wound being an inch or two below your collarbone left you trying to keep half your body still. You settle on taking Lukas’s hand, with the mob tattoo. You and Vincent know members of that mob would rather die than cut off their symbol.

With the body shoved against a trash can, you place a few garbage bags to cover the mess. The hardest part of the evening was still to come. With your good hand, you fish out your phone from your bag.

—

You assume he is attending some ballet dance or performance. You felt a bitter twist of jealousy. Was he there with someone? Has he moved on that fast? You think mind racing. When you texted the Accountants that you completed the bounty, you received a call from Chidi.

“I hear you collected the bounty. Do you have proof of death?” he questioned.

“I do. I have the hand with the tattoos, but the body’s here I can get something else” you rambled down the line, suddenly much more nervous than before.

“Please hold.”

The line was quiet, you watched people come and go from the club, secluded from the side street you were in. Backtracking into the club, hand in your bag you returned your coat check ticket. At least the jacket will cover up the bleeding, you can get the bounty and go home.

“Hello?” Chidis's voice returned.

“Yeah, I'm here.”

“Tell me your address, the Marquis de Gramont will be sending a car.”

—

The Marquis de Gramont looked amazing. He tried to always look his best in his suits, complete with an incredibly complicated knot, chains, and his signature pin. You still have your pin, hidden in a shoe box in your closet. Tonight was no exception to his looks.

His suit was reflecting the lights in his mansion. You knew from the glitter, this was a suit he would were at a cultural outing. Bitter jealousy bites at your insides. Was he there with someone? Did he move on that fast? Is it a mistress? You think. The jealousy dies when you still see his wedding ring on his left hand. Your wedding ring feels heavier on your right.

You both look at each other, his gaze lingering on your exposed legs, no doubt covered in blood. You felt exposed standing in the center of the large room.

Vincent was the one to break the silence first “Did I buy you that dress?”

“No. I’ve had it for a while”

He nods, stepping closer.

“Proof?”

You frown thinking he was asking about the dress, before remembering the severed hand.

“It's here. Tattoos and all.” you struggle to get the appendage out of your bag without moving your bad shoulder. At least you had the sense to wrap the hand in a plastic bag.

“Come to my office. We can talk in there”

You do not want to “talk in his office”. The last time, you went to “talk in his office” about a bounty it ended up with you naked on his desk, the cold chain from his suit vest and his ring pressed against you.

“I should go. You can just wire me the money or something” You reject.

You can tell you surprised him before his face shifts back to a more neutral expression.

“I have a nasty scratch so…” you trail off, hoping he leaves the issue.

His gaze almost softens. The separation was less than a year ago, you guess that he still cares for you. He still keeps tabs on you, your neighbour works for him you’re almost certain of it.

“Where?”

You gesture with your chin to your shoulder.

The pressure from his stare makes you break down and shrug off your jacket, the inside sticky with blood.

Already he is in front of you, pressing a cloth against your wound.

“You need to see the doctor, mon amour.”

You hate yourself for leaning into his touch, but at least he has good contacts for an underground doctor. It won’t be that hard to get in and out right?

—

The doctor arrived fast, not wanting to piss off the Marquis. You knew him from your early days of dating, long before your marriage, when Vincent insisted you quit. You wonder if the doctor remembers you. If he does, he doesn’t show it.

You just didn’t think Vincent was going to join you. He watches the doctor tend to your shoulder first, sewing neat rows of stitches to hold your flesh in place. You stare at your jacket on a spare chair, no doubt forever stained in blood. The good doctor already gave a warning about closing your eyes, so you keep your gaze on the jacket, your nails on your good hand leaving imprints on the chair arm from the tension between you and Vincent.

The doctor moves on to more minor wounds, mostly cleaning them, and patching them up if needed. Ignoring your soft hiss when the cleaner he is using hurts more than you expected.

Vincent is watching the doctor, scowling when you flinch in pain.

The instant the doctor pushed the tray with his tools and bloody tissues away, Vincent speaks for the first time since the three of you sat down.

“Laissez-nous seuls”

The doctor protests, wanting to give you instructions on caring for his work, making sure you don’t rip anything open.

Vincent glares at the doctor, who places down some gause for you to take home and leaves without another word, closing the door behind him.

The Marquis drops to his knees for a better look at your injury. One hand cups the back of your shoulder blade to keep you still, as he inspects you. You’re sure you smell disgusting, the smell of the bar soaked into your dress and your hair. The doctor cleaned up most of the blood, but Vincent never really cared about literally getting his hands bloody if the time was right. He would just wipe them on a cloth and toss it aside for one of his housekeepers to pick up.

You turn your whole face away, as much as your shoulder will let you, sure he can feel how hot your face is across the distance. The feel of his eyes is heavy, and almost magnetic, pulling you to look at him. His other hand is on the armrest of your chair.

“Don’t,” you said softly, trying to preserve any of the dignity that you had left.

“Don’t what, mon amour” he whispered, still looking at your shoulder.

“This.” You were mostly saying this to yourself, knowing that you only had seconds to get out of his personal space before you give in. You’re tired and hurt and he's right there, acting how he did when you first fell in love with him.

You tilt your head back almost automatically to give him more access to your throat. He moved slowly, pressing kisses against your jaw like it would be the last time, before working his way to your mouth and kissing you properly.

—

It’s like a bomb waiting to go off, not only having sex with him but also having to navigate yourself out of his bed without one of you making a gripe at the other.

Well, not technically his bed. This was yours, in a guest room you made your own while being married, now empty. You moved your stuff out during the separation. Sometimes you regret not taking the bedclothes with you, but now you’re thankful you can feel them, cool and soft against your skin.

You had no choice but to stay lying on your back, trying to keep your injury still. He was next to you in the same fashion.

“You are still wearing your ring.” He speaks quietly. As if to prove his point, he toys with your wedding band.

“I helped design it, of course, I’m going to show it off,” you reply not being able to look him in the eye.

He kissed the back of your hand.

“I believe I designed it, you just suggested the stones.”

Hand flexed to fully show off the stones, you had to agree.

The stones were suggested by you, on a date to le Musée de Minéralogie. It was just the two of you, and you had been taken with the rubies. Vincent walked alongside you, filling you in on information you might not have known. It was an off-handed comment from you, how red is a colour for both blood and love, very fitting in your line of work.

“You have good taste,” he says while you think had instead.

His hand skimmed your bare side, nimble fingers finding a small bump that was not there before your flight with Lukas.

You flinched at the dull pain, not surprised if he “accidentally” poked it.

“You should let me take care of you, mon amour.”

That was it. The same words that started and ended your marriage. Being taken care of by Vincent made you feel like a doll, sitting on a shelf, never allowed to do anything.

“Vincent,” You spoke with caution, the pain slowly seeping back into your body.

He held your chin gently, commanding your gaze to look at him. You softened looking at him.

“It is true. Do you think I like seeing you like this?” he asks.

“I don’t know what you like” you retort, steeling yourself for the argument to come.

“I like you.”

“Oh, you do? Is that why you made me quit bounty work?” you snap.

“I asked you to stop because you're not very good at it and I did not want a dead fiancé.”

Ouch.

“If you were a better fighter, you would take higher bounties.”

You don’t look at him as you leave the bed. You know he's sneering at you.

But you’re not going to shrink away even though you’re naked. You know you have to get dressed in front of him but you can put on a brave face.

“Thanks for this lovely reminder of why our marriage failed.” You spit out. You know the failed comment will piss him off.

You leave without a second look, cheap shoes squeaking against the floor.

—

You felt the lock slide open under the key, your apartment slightly cold and quiet. You still smelled like his cologne, only now the smell reminds you of the recent bitter memories. You discard your bag as you make your way to your bed in your apartment. Away from Vincent.

As you take off your dress for the second time you feel your phone buzz.

[Unknown number: Wire Transfer Sent. Deposit for Lukas is confirmed.]

Seeing him mixed with the rush of adrenaline after the fighting was too much, especially with the separation so fresh. Maybe he was right. Maybe you should go after higher bounties, especially not those set by him.

Taglist: @heartrot666, @soraya-daydreams

#I will add nice dividers later but for now #I can finally grocery shop #marquis de gramont x reader #marquis vincent de gramont x reader #john wick movie x reader

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