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#i hate it when do i get to be upset and say “thats not fair i get to have feelings too yknow!”
opens-up-4-nobody · 6 months
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#sorry im thinking abt death again#because it's weird to think that ive been in the room. maybe a meter away from someone as they died#that someone being my mom. its just weird. the time in the hospital feels like it happened in some dark little pocket universe detached from#time. a calm room and then the soft blips of a monitor then the nurse rushing in to say she'd passed#i dont kno y ppl use that phrase: passed on. i mean i do. it softens the topic. makes it sound peaceful. ive yet to use it. i just say she#died bc thats what happened. is that insensitive? i dunno. when i was home i realized that i come off as much stranger than i think. the way#my family see me doesnt fit how i see myself. i dont kno what to do with that. i dunno. theyre all together today#for an early easter. and im halfway across the country again. nose so stuffy ive had to mouth breathe for the last 3 days#and again. everything feels the same as it did before but also profoundly different. sometimes i cry in the mornings. or when i think abt#future vacations she wont be there for. bc in the end she quickly slipped away in a way that couldn't be described as peaceful until her#last half a day. and all i can think about in that tiny room is how scary it would be to lose control like that#and how its not fair and she didnt deserve to die only halfway through a lifetime. but its not about fair and its not about deserving.#sometimes bad things just happen. that's life. and now i own a book called motherless daughters. and now im standing with the countless#others who've lost their moms too early. ive already become aware of 3 ppl in my daily life who are in the same club#i keep thinking about this moment that happened between my parents at the hospital. apparently my dad was helping her get cleaned up and her#stomach was so bloated she looked like she had a bby in there. which my dad said. and my mom apparently said: but it's a baby no one want. i#dont kno y that upsets me so much. all the things i heard abt her being in the hospital before i got there upset me. and the rest of my#family was there to see it. so i have the least traumatic version of the story. and i got almost 27 years with her. except my sisters#probably got more time with her bc i spent so much time away. or maybe not. i dunno.#i dunno. im just sad that shes gone and sad that it was drawn out even a little bit. 6 days isnt long but im sure it felt like an eternity.#again not fair. nothings fair. 53 years of unfairness culminating in a tragedy. she would hate me characterizing it like that. she lived a#full life as they say. full with an asterisk on account of length#unrelated
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tittysuckersworld · 7 months
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once again asking begging for a rival
#like fuckkk#i wanna beat someone up and get beat up by someone. but like. erotically but not? yknow????#i want to be treated wholely as a person and hated for no reason. i just want to hate someone and be mean to someone without reason#i want to not be treated like a delicate little flower for once! i want to be able to show my emotions insted of constantly repressing them!#i want to get bloody noses and broken lips and black eyes and bruises to litter my body not from my own direct doing#i want to be on the same level with someone. on the same level enough to be able to hate eachpther but take care of eachother#i want to love the hate i could have for someone#or just fuck- i want to be treated either as a person or as something wholely not. one or the other just not pityed#hate being soft spoken and frail and get talked over and just constantly feel like a girl in worst ways#i want to cry and be angry with someone that can cry and be angry with me#i cant love but fuck if i dont want smth close to it. am have soft sweet amazing boyfriend but at same timd i just.#i want to hurt someone and have someone hurt me just to feel something more. i keep saying this but i wish when i wasnt programed#by government to be convinient for them. to be convinient to those around me. i want to feel and be angry again.#i have a right to be upset for everything thats happened to me and those i care for and should be allowed to say it.#fuck man- i just want someone to kick me when im down physically and be there for me silently when neex#need someone to punch me for being a doofus. fuck fuck i just want someone that will treat me like a equal on a level.#i want to be hurt like im strong. i want to hit and punch and kick and be allowed to be violent#its not healthy to hold in but im forced to for others and i hate it. i like being nice i dont want to be mean#but i also just so badly want to be violent. to be able to express pain and hurt and feel like i should. like wish could. its not fair#anyways vent rambles sryyy-#vent#tw vent#in tags but yee#want to be hurt and hurt someone else on equal healthy consensual level yk?
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kirbyddd · 10 months
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grieving lamenting whining etc
it's... so hard being the 'low value,' disposable person in every interaction and relationship
you have to tolerate and deal with and work through and forgive whatever the other person throws at you on a whim
but if you were to do even one of the same things and cause the least bit difficulty... it's either rage and retaliation or otherwise "goodbye, not worth the trouble"
you have to accept and deal with any imbalance or unfairness or outright abuse, but in return have to present absolute perfection, and further effort to make your presence as convenient as possible
of course the obvious answer is to not put up with that and find people that actually value you and allow you to be human... but in reality most people will only tolerate others if theres something they want; welcoming people who practice tolerance and patience by default are so few and far between, and usually have lives overfull already... so whether you mess up and spoil your convenience or keep standards and respect yourself, the penalty is indefinite isolation at best... but very often the merciless anger and retributions of the inconvenienced
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maybe if i play y7 ill be normal <- played y7 four times this weekend, a decidedly not normal thing
#snap chats#'snap how many times can you play y7 in a week before youre tired of it' do you wanna find out together#i had a horrible night last night. ok not a WHOLLY horrible night but something trash did happen and i woke up still groggy bout it#i dont like sulking about the past but sometimes i cant help it and it aint fair to myself to act like i can help it. sometimes.#i gotta be candid just for my sake last night i got real upset with my friend because when i say she tests me She Really Does#and i hate getting angry cause then i just feel like my mom and at that point i figure itd be better if i slipped on ice and broke my spine#generally im good at controlling my temper but everything just testing me and i broke down and it was embarrassing as hell ☠️☠️#so yeah thats gonna bother me for a few days LMAO#'snap it aint that deep' it AINT and thats why its so annoyin cause i KNOW it aint that deep yet i still cant argue away how i feel#all i can do is try to ignore it... like plying y7 for the 11th time.....#i cant ply it now tho i told myself id work on a commission a bit so. maybe later...#i already started another file yesterday- or was it two days ago ???? idk i just know im up to chap 5 in it#chap 5 always give me a damn headache its so LONG at the very least the benefit to having my friend over and raising my blood pressure#is that i start to remember things to do from a y7 speedrun. like i dont hound her on what to do obvi i just let her play#its just lil notes to myself. tho she does tell me to give her tips and exploits when i can LMAO#anyways.. im gonna go work ig and try to feel like crummy bye bye#i wanna stream.. maybe i will this evening before my evening class.. lol.. we'll see but probably not
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haunted-house-heart · 2 years
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living with someone with untreated mental illness is like. i understand why you're like this and i do empathize but also like. jesus fucking christ get some help before i throttle you i stg
#i hate my sis so much. like i get it. i really do. a lot of how she acts is due to mental illness and trauma but at the same time she also#just really shitty. like ik recovery is different for everyone and you move at your own pace but she just. isnt recovering at all it seems#like its been 6yrs since we got out and my mom and i have worked really hard on getting better and changing our behaviors#all the while shes just getting worse and worse to be around. like shes legitimatrly turning into my (abusive) father#its terrifying honestly but we cant do anything about it bc you cant talk to her#you say like ''hey this thing you did upset me can you please try to not do that again'' not angry or anything and she starts crying and#yelling bc youre triggering her and its not fair and nobody loves her and like. i get that some people cry a lot and thats fine! i get that#but its literally impossible to talk to her about anything bc she acts like shes the victim and youre fuckin evil for telling her to please#not put her dirty clothes on my shelf i dont like that please. like thats not an unreasonable request and im not being mean about it! but#im the bad guy for doing anything that critisises her.#and she treats my mom like shit. like i could deal w her being a bitch to me but to momma? fuck no.#i dont believe you owe your parents shit but my mom has been a fucking saint when life dealt her a hand that shouldve made her a devil#she did her absolute best and *she* was the one that sacrificed everything to get us out#and my sister treats her like shes an incapable selfish idiot.#and she never lets me talk. shell talk for an hour about smth she knows i dont care about but when i try to tell her like. hey my fav band#is putting out a new album or smth im real excited about. she gets on her phone and just ignores me.#and she KNOWS this triggers me badly its made me suicidal before and yknow what happened then? i had to apologize for making HER feel bad#she talks over both of us but it you start talking when she was THINKING about talking she has a fit#and she actively tries to gaslight my mom. like im dead fuckin serious my mom has to ask me if smth really happened bc my sis told her it#did/didnt and she has to get me to confirm the truth for her#and she treats her pets like crap she should not be allowed to have pets bc she just loses interest in them and stops taking care of them#and we have to pick up the slack#its literally just like being with my dad again. walking on eggshells all the time#my mom cant watch tv at night bc ellie gets pissed at her for ''waking her up''. even tho she claims she never sleeps.#i hate her so so much i want to punch her i want her to move out i want to never ever see her again#but rn we cant afford to live on our own. so we have to stay with her#anyway.#vent#tw abuse
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lukespookie · 6 months
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sweetheart. | luke castellan x f! child of ares!reader
about - "i need you more than i want to." - camila cabello
warning - smut, all characters are 18+, petnames, oral (f receiving), luke is MEAN. brat taming sorta kinda maybe
a/n - guyssssss i luv enemies to lovers im gonna SOBBBBB anyways i hope this is good lmao
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here you two sat. in mr. d's office while he yells at you for fighting again. it wasnt even in a in trouble way, more of a shut the fuck up and get along kinda way.
but it wasnt your fault!!
it all started when you were training. you were extremely upset since luke had, once again, beaten your team at capture the flag. you had such a good plan too!
then, luke just had to come on over and brag.
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"you look a bit tense, sweetheart. don't tell me your upset that we won?" luke smirks from behind you, making you turn around.
"you only won because you cheated." you say, your eyes squinting.
from there, it basically turned into you insulting each other back and forth.
you hadnt always been like this. there was a time when you two were the best of friends. but you were driven away by your siblings since the ares cabin and hermes cabin hated each other
so now, here you were getting chewed out all because luke is cocky!!
"you two are both banned from capture the flag until next month." mr. d says, snapping you out of your thoughts.
"what?!" you and luke say in sync.
"luke started it! this isnt fair!" you groan, standing up from your seat.
"how did i start it? you're the one who started being rude!" luke argues. the two of you ramble on and on before mr. d gets fed up at kicks you out.
you and luke walk outside of the big house, burning in anger. leave it to luke castellan to ruin your month!!
his stupid handsome face is always getting on your nerves! and what annoys you the most is that you cant stop thinking about him.
mostly at night, when you touch yourself in your bedroom. luke is who you think of. but who can blame you?! hes just soso hot when you spar, sweat dripping down his forehead and his chest heaving. :(( his veiny arms tense as he holds his sword and swings it with ease.
and gods, his lips!!!
"you started it!" you repeat, annoyed that he was blaming it on poor lil you!! :((
but, thats when you get a genius idea. you had to find a way to put luke in his place, and thats what you had.
as a child of ares, you had the power of telumkinesis, the power to curse your opponents' weapons and transfigure any object into any weapon. you could also change the weight of your opponents weapons, which is exactly what you planned to do.
"we could settle it with a spar?" you sugest, shrugging to look as natural as possible!!
"you're on." he smirks.
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you get dressed in your camp half-blood shirt, cut and fitted to be shorter and tighter, and some jean shorts. you throw on your super dirty, red converse and grab your sword, walking to the arena to spar.
you see luke and look down at his hand, holding his sword.you stop walking and.. okay, how does this shit work?
you stare at the sword, focusing only on that and eventually lukes arm drops a bit and he brings his sword up to his face and examine it. it worked!!!
you walk over, feeling as confident as ever.
"you okay, castellan? you look a bit stressed out." you smirk, making him snap around to face you, a scowl on his face.
"what'd you do to my sword, daughter of ares? dont think im dumb." luke snaps, making you scoff.
"i dont know what you're talking about." you shrug.
luke looks around before snatching you wrist, his grip tight as steel as he drags you into the forest.
luke ignores your insults and protests as he pins you to a tree, his hands on your waist and him towering over you.
"not so strong now are you? hm?" he growls, grabbing your face.
"l-luke.. this isnt funny.." you whisper, stomach twisting into a billion knots. "wasnt tryna be" he mutters, grabbing your sword and throwing it gods know where.
"so fuckin' pretty when you're not talking." he sighs looking at you for a moment before connecting your lips.
he kisses you sloppily, not caring to try to use skill. you're stunned for a moment before you kiss back, kissing with as much desire as him.
he pulls away. "shit, can i?" he breathes, making you nod rapidly.
he unbuttons and unzips your jean shorts, tugging them down and letting them pool at your ankles.
"gonna make you feel so good, sweetheart." he mutters, kissing your cheek before he kneels down in front of you.
he rubs his thumb over the wet spot on your panties with a groan, making you shutter.
"you're soaked." he smirks. he pulls your panties down and your pussy is connected to it with a string of wetness. "fuck, who knew you were such a whore?"
he digs in, lapping at your swollen clit like a starved man. your hands find their way to his messy curls, tugging as hard as possible out of spite.
he slightly pulls away. "don't tug so hard." he mumbles, arousal all over his chin. you push his head back into your cunt, moaning when his nose connects with your clit.
he thrusts his tongue in and out of your hole, making you cry out and tug his hair hard. "pull my hair like that again and i'll stop." he warns.
you quickly move your hands to his shoulders, not wanting him to stop eating your cunt.
he goes back to pushing him tongue inside of you, your moans and cute noises egginng him on.
"fuck, luke! dont stop, dont stop." you cry out, back arching off the tree.
he pulls away, breathing heavily onto your cunt. "im not baby, im not."
he wraps his lips around your clit, sucking and flicking his tongue on it.
"luke! cant, its too much!" you sob, trying to push his head away. "you can take it. you'll take it."
your orgasm crashes over you, shuttering as luke licks it all up.
he stands up, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.
you notice the prominent tent in his pants, making you frown. "what about you?" you ask, looking up at him.
"just gives me a reason to see you again." he shrugs, kissing your cheek.
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princessbrunette · 9 months
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hear me out: rafe is so daddy when he's spending all his money on ur pretty purses and shoes !! giggling as u make ur way down the strip of designer stores !!! but he becomes dad when he's scolding you for running off with the pogues . and then suddenly he's revoking ur allowance for the month bc u misbehaved and talked back . -🌅
ugh this :/ he can switch it up fast !! daddy is nice rafe and dad is strict rafe yk ?? he’s gotta turn it on sometimes to keep you in check, can’t have you getting out of control 🙄 ugh the idea of him revoking ur allowance is sooo !!
˚₊‧꒰ა ♡ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚
you think he’s forgiven you for your little mishap, running off with the pogues — getting all friendly and going on adventures that he knows his delicate girl can’t handle. rafe has spanked the daylights out of you, lectured you until he’s blue in the face but he needs something else to really keep you in check. something more than physical.
“and— and you know i can’t have you running off on me like that baby it’s not fair on me s’not fair on you…” he rambles, having you perched on his knee all sniffly after your punishment.
“i know.” you shrink sadly, just glad your punishment was seemingly over.
“i gotta show you, baby— show you that i mean business, n’that im not just some bitch who’s gonna let you come in here unpunished after you run out on me. thats fair, right?” he squints, staring at you. you gaze back, face falling slowly in fear of where this was leading. when you say nothing, he jostles you slightly by suddenly reaching into his back pocket, tilting you on his lap making you hold on. he settles, pulling out his black card and holding it between his fingers.
“y’see this? you know this card very well don’t you? yeah… well this is the card that dad uses to put alllll that shopping money onto your card.” he punctuates the ‘your’ by tapping your chest with the card itself. “and all that money, you’ve been spendin’ helping out these pogues. that’s not very nice, is it now sweetheart?”
you continue to stare, glancing between his intense gaze and the card between his fingers. “so m’gonna have to cut your allowance for a little bit.” he smiles faux apologetically, his tone definitive.
“what?” your small voice asks, sitting a little further up his leg. “rafey they needed help, i didn’t need the money so i just—”
“i… didn’t say you could speak right now, baby.” his tone softens as the sentence goes along and you take it as your moment to shut up. “and i’m not cuttin’ you off baby no, i’d never do that. m’good to you, yeah? n’that’s not gonna stop. but if you wanna buy something, you gotta ask me. i’ll buy it on my card. understand?”
“…yes rafe.” you blink, feeling sorry for yourself. maybe you were spoiled, maybe you’d gotten too used to the hefty allowance that rafe was gifting you with each month but you were upset. you hated that you relied on him so much.
“right…good girl. knew she was hidin’ in there somewhere.” he smiles, pressing a kiss to your forehead.
˚₊‧꒰ა ♡ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚
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metalotaku-da · 1 year
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Dcxdp Danny phantom and klarion are friends.
Danny as the ghost king who loves to prank loves teaching a younger appearance klarion all kinds of fun gags and tricks of magical nature. It's like the younger sibling he always wanted. And is a nice break from some of his royal duties. But things have been a little busier than usual they haven't gotten to really get out and have fun. Danny is 30 looks 20. Klarion is looking 14. But in the thousands for age.
Klarion is bored and upset. He wants time with Danny to himself. No interruption from clockwork or the eternal. Other ghosts. No one. It's not fair. He needs a plan to sneak Danny out of the infinite realm, hide him and not be the fall guy when they get caught. Because it's clockwork they will be caught it's the when. He needs someone else to do the summoning work. But who and how.
He lands on John Constantine. Clockwork doesn't like him much. And Danny inherited all the old kings claims. So he be able use that if things got dicey. And klarion is not a fan either of the jerk. To buddy buddy with nabou. So he has a fall guy to blame for the summoning. Just needs to setup a prank so good that John thinks he has no choice but to summon someone who could destroy the world.
Takes him a week to land on act like I'm gonna do it so he has to first. Easy. And he can brag to a bunch of villains to really drive the urgency. Perfect.
Plan worked like a charm. Maybe to good though. John got a bunch of heroes to help. No good no good. John is lieing to his super jerk friends. Klarion can see the seal. It will make Danny weaker and lock him to the jerk like a dog on a leash. Not to the artifact he said they could lock him away with. He's gotta fix this quick. He drops in the pawns he recruited to distract. While discreetly changing the ruin on the summoning without mucking it up so it doesn't work. All while fighting zantana, and racing the circle lighting up.
The summoning is completed. But something obviously went very very wrong. Klarion has teakle distract zantana while he goes over the summoning again to see what he shifted. Oopsie. The ruin for shrinking power turned to shrinking age. But thats ok. It can be fixed later. Maybe. Probably. He didn't get the teather changed before it set. But that's an easy fix by killing Constantine. But his friend is here. And now they can really play. So it's all good. Klarion is ecstatic. So much so teakle runs to him as he shrinks causing one of the supers to over swing on an attack on his familiar.
But Danny needs a minute. As he blinks wearily on his feet. Rubbing at his face. Ugh summoning. He hates summoning. And this had to be a strong one. Because he couldn't resist like most of them. Whatever once the brain fog clears he'll be good and can really give the jerks who did a real stern talking to. Or maybe he'll scare them. That sounds better. Standing infront of him is a blonde man looking like a dirty drunk cop dective from TV. Who is gapping at him as a cigarette burns on the ground at his feet. This guy has to be like a gaint too cause Danny has to really crane his head back to look up at his face. There is a bunch of commotion going on but he's to focuses on this weird feeling he has towards this weirdo. Who seems like he's confused. Maybe it was an accident. Whatever. Danny still isn't happy. He puts his hands on his hips. "Hey jerk face! What do you think your doing?" Then Danny's eyes went wide. "Oh by the ancients is that my voice! What's wrong with my voice!" Danny now clutched his throat before waving his arms wildly at the creepy man. "What did you to me you weirdo! I sound like a baby!"
"It a bloody fucking child."
"It's bad to cuss infront of kids Constantine." Someone else says outside the circle.
Danny's head snaps their direction. Danny's eyes widen as he puts his hand into view looking at himself panic taking over and he looks around at all these tall people looking at him or fighting. He opens his mouth to scream in fear or frustration he doesn't know till he hears a voice he recognizes.
"Don't wail, don't wail!" Danny closes his mouth and looks around for the source.
"Klarion?"
"Sorry my bad. I messed up change the circle so it wouldn't weaken you. And well oopsie " klarion rushed into the circle hugging little Danny tight. "But you are here. So now we can play." Klarion gasped as he pulled back from Danny. "I can be the big brother now!"
"Noooooo, klarion I was already a little brother. I wanted to be a big brother more." Danny whined. His white hair flopping over as he rolled his head in complaint.
"To bad. I'm the big brother now. We are gonna have so much fun. You just have to get rid of this looser so we can go do our thing." Klarion gestured towards Constantine.
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cstads-blog · 9 months
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10 ᴛʜɪɴɢꜱ ɪ ʜᴀᴛᴇ ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ʏᴏᴜ | ʟᴇᴡɪꜱ ʜᴀᴍɪʟᴛᴏɴ 44
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summary: in which you and lewis broke up, and things that you once loved are now things you hate
a/n: this is my first fic so be nice plz, but leave some thoughts. ummm and i also have rewatched 10 things i hate about you like 285903925 this week so thats where i got this idea from the poem. and i love lewis, but i lowkey felt he was perfect for this sort of thing
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i hate the way you talk to me, and the way you cut your hair
lewis always had a soft voice. he never once yelled at you, always calm and cordial. even when you would fight, he would never raise his voice. it angered you. it was strange. you wanted him to yell at you. just to experience it. no one ever wanted their partner to yell at them, and they were jealous of you and lewis in this aspect of your relationship.
when you asked lewis why he never yelled at you, his answer was simple. he loved you. you don’t yell at people you love he would say. and then he would kiss you. the soft kiss he always placed on your lips when it was just the two of you. it was calming, comforting and it made you forget the battle you were having inside of yourself.
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lewis had had his fair share of different hairstyles over the time you had known him and been together. some you favored more then others. he’d had a buzz, natural, braids. you loved when he left it natural, playing with the curls in between your fingers. which is why when he came home one day with braids you were a bit upset. its not that you didn’t like the braids, he looked amazing as usual, but you much preferred his natural curls.
as you laid in your bed beside him you started rubbing your hand up and down his neck, feeling the braids hit your hand whenever you moved up his neck. they were soft. you played with the ends of them, twirling them around your finger. lewis loved it. he loved when you touched his hair, it comforted him. he never wanted to lose moments like these.
i hate the way you drive my car, i hate it when you stare
lewis’s job was to drive cars, and to drive them fast. he’d been doing it practically his whole life. so naturally he was a bit reckless driving a normal car, on a normal road, surrounded by normal people. one night when you took your car out to dinner he was pushing the limits. trying to see how far he could go without breaking the law. it scared you. not for your safety or his, but for your car. your car was the first purchase you made of your own, with your own money. it was yours, you rarely let others drive it, but lewis was an exception.
“lewis you’re going to hurt the car” he would often hear you say when he was driving.
“don’t worry darling, its going to be fine. trust me” and you trusted him. you did. you knew he would never hurt your car. or you.
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lewis had a habit of watching your every move. it wasn’t strange or weird to you, you loved it. lewis had that affect on you. every small action was one that you loved. everyone around always saw it too. when you would come to races and were in the garage talking to friends and family, he would watch you. how you interacted with people you were close with and even those you weren’t. that was another thing he loved about you. how you could get on with anyone. it didn’t matter if you knew them for fifteen years or fifteen minutes.
as he watched you, the smile on his face grew, only snapping out of his daze when someone came up behind him, touching his shoulder and pulling him away for a meeting.
i hate your big dumb combat boots, and the way you read my mind
lewis had impeccable fashion taste. his outfits never failed to impress you and everyone else. except once, when he came out of the closet with a pair of of combat boots. you couldn’t help but laugh at his choice of footwear, expecting him to chose something more expensive and high end. but no, lewis was wearing combat boots.
seeing your reaction to his shoes made him smile as well and even though he was feeling content with his outfit, he went and changed into something different. he never got rid of the combat boots though. they sat in his closet and you never let him forget about it.
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lewis had an incredible talent of reading your mind. he always knew what you wanted or needed without even having to say it. you often wondered how he did it. it took you at least five tries to even remember what his order was at the restaurant but he knew what you wanted before you did. part of you was angry with his little trick, but the other part loved that he knew so much about you and he could remember even the little things.
i hate you so much it makes me sick, it even makes me rhyme
you didn’t deal with anger or stress well. you often got sick when you were feeling either emotion. while lewis was practically the definition of a perfect boyfriend, he could still bring these two emotions out of you. when you would feel stressed with lewis’ actions he would often forget the petty argument or trivial thing he did and run immediately to you, to help you, to calm you down. it showed you just how willing he was to help you when you needed him the most.
i hate the way you’re always right, i hate it when you lie
lewis was never wrong. ever. no matter how many times you tried to prove him wrong, you couldn’t. he knew so many things about so many people and places, it was often hard to find a topic he wasn’t fluent in. when you would play trivia games out of boredom in your living room he would always get every question right, while you struggled to even come up with an answer.
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lewis rarely ever lied to you, but when he did you couldn’t stand it. you’d been in unfaithful relationships in the past. lewis knew this, which was why he rarely lied. his only lies ever came after drunken nights out with his friends and he’d forgotten certain details, but small things like that made you nervous, not wanting to escalate to anything else.
i hate it when you make me laugh, even more when you make me cry
lewis was a very funny person. he made you laugh even without trying. that was what initially attracted you to him. he could make you laugh when you were happy, upset, scared, angry. he made you laugh about simple things he did. he often wasn’t trying to make you laugh, but seeing the smile grow on your face was enough to make him keep trying.
all he wanted was time see you smile, to see you happy.
-
you never cried tears of sadness around lewis, only happiness. they usually came when he did something great in racing or when you graduated university. you often cried when you saw lewis up on the podium, seeing the smile on his face, making you think about all of the hard work he had put into getting there. you would always admire him for that. his hard work, his dedication.
i hate it when you’re not around, and the fact you didn’t call
lewis was often away for work so you spent quite a bit of time alone. yes, you had his dog roscoe to keep you company but it wasn’t quite the same. the house was loud with silence, every small action making a seemingly larger noise then usual. it annoyed you. you missed lewis and you just wanted to be in his arms, with him, in whatever country he was in this weekend. but it wasn’t that easy. you had to work as well, you couldn’t just drop everything to go travel the world with him, even if you would like to.
-
lewis couldn’t always call you when he was away. with his busy schedule and a time difference, usually a quick text every few hours would have to suffice. you hated not hearing his voice for days. you just wanted to hear his soft voice, like a melody in your ears. he left you voice mails when he did call, but you couldn’t answer. you listened to them on repeat, trying to soak up his voice, capture it in your head until you could see him again. it would be sweeter to hear in person then over the phone so you had to wait.
and that’s what you kept telling yourself. it would be sweeter in person. thats how you dealt with the distance. you just waited for the time he was back in your arms.
but mostly i hate the way i don’t hate you, not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all
and that is how you end up here. standing in the corner of the crowded party you had gotten invited to by one of the other drivers you still kept in contact with after the split from lewis. you weren’t trying to be a downer, but seeing lewis again after so long had all of the memories flooding back, all of the thoughts and hopes and dreams you had together. he looked so happy. having fun and drinking with his friends. you remembered the times when you were right next to him at an event just like this. wrapped in his arms, the comfort they brought you. but then the bad came back, the end. you hated lewis, at least that’s what you told people. but you knew it wasn’t true. you had known it all along, just in denial you never admitted that fact.
but here, standing in the corner of this crowded room, is when you could finally admit it. you didn’t hate lewis hamilton, not even close. not even a little bit, not even at all.
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ponyosmom35 · 4 months
Text
sisters
Simon Ghost Riley x reader
Liability series chapter 8!!!!
synopsis: reader has a long-awaited conversation with her sister
warnings: angst, cursing, sisters fighting, ghost mentioned
link to liability series: https://www.tumblr.com/ponyosmom35/733401347573088256/simon-ghost-riley?source=share
MDNI
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The medic hurried out of the cafeteria and followed after Emma once the conversation with Ghost had come to an end. She was tired of the silence, she needed this to be resolved so she could clear her head. No matter how much she hated swallowing her ego, she knew that the only way to get Emma to talk to her was to be the first to apologize. She opened the door to their and noticed Emma reading a book on her bed. Their eyes meet and rage fills the older sister's body instantly. 
"was I not clear when I said I have nothing to say to you?" Emma asks 
"that's fine, that means you can keep your mouth shut and listen to me" she says 
"I don't wanna talk about this right now just-" Emma starts, the younger sister cuts her off determined not to let Emma shut this down. "we are talking about this right now because I'm tired of the silence, I miss you" 
Emma's gaze softens slightly and she puts the book down, crossing her arms awaiting the apology. She sighs and sits down on her own bed, crossing her legs. "you were right about my behavior, I acted like a fucking idiot and I regret it. I put you in a compromising situation all because I let my ego get the best of me and that wasn't fair. You've done so much for me, and I'm sorry that I couldn't recognize that at first. After being here I see just how wrong I was, I'm so grateful that you got me this job, it's truly changed the way I view medicine"
"thank you for saying that" Emma says "It wasn't fair of Ghost to treat you like that, he can be a dick sometimes, so I can see why you were upset"
"speaking of, I apologized to him as well after you left. I thought about what you said and I don't want any bad blood between you and the team because of my words. He said it was forgotten but you know him, can't be sure" she smiles 
"he's a character thats for sure"
"I don't think I've ever met anyone like him before" she admits 
"I think he'd say the same about you"
"I doubt it- that man hates me"
"If he hated you then you would've been gone a long time ago" Emma says "I think he likes you a lot more than he lets on, we can all see the two of you"
Her breath hitches and she stares at her sister wide eyed "what?"
"it's obvious babe, you like each other!"
"what makes you say that?" she questions in shock 
"the way that he watches you, he's its like he's constantly checking on you. And don't think we didn't all notice how you stare at him when he's working out in the morning"
"I don't like Ghost! he's a dick Em!"
"a sexy dick" Emma points out
"he is undeniably sexy but that means nothing! a guy like that would never spare me a second glance, don't feed my delusions" she jokes 
"deny it all you want" Emma shrugs 
"I'm not here for sexy military men, I'm here to prove to you that I can do a good job"
"you have nothing to prove to me, I know how extraordinary you are"
"you mean that?" she asks
Emma moves over to her side and grabs her hand "I know how talented you are, that's why I wanted you here with me, I knew how many lives you'd save. we need you. I need you, and I'm sorry for my behavior this past week as well. I've said many things that I don't mean. I love you little sister, you're my best friend in this world and I'm so grateful to have you here with me" 
"I love you to Em" she says leaning her head on Emma's shoulder 
"I know that Ghost is packing at least 8 inches" Emma says breaking the sweet moment, she lifts her head and stares at her in shock as a blush creeps over her face. 
"oh my god you're blushing! I knew you liked him!" Emma says pushing her sister back "just imagine those arms lifting you up" she taunts 
"oh my god stop!" she laughs 
"don't tell me you haven't thought about it"
"obviously I have" 
"he's like a fucking greek god" Emma says 
"since when do you like men?" she asks 
"I don't but just because I'm a lesbian doesn't mean I'm fucking blind, that man is gorgeous, god took his fucking time on him" Emma says, causing the pair to laugh loudly. 
"his tattoos..." she trails off 
"he's stunning" Emma agrees
"I wonder what he looks like underneath the mask" she muses 
"I don't know, only people who've seen his face is the team. he won't even share his name with the rest of us"
"I wonder why"
"I'm not sure, all I've been told is that he's the real fucking deal, he's a living legend, a real ghost story. Most aren't even sure if he exits." 
"what do you mean?"
"anyone who's ever gotten close enough to see the skull mask is a dead man walking" Emma responds. the thought sends chills down her spine, goosebumps arise on her arms.
 "yet somehow you've yelled at him and managed to walk away unharmed, that means something"
"yeah I guess it does"
"all I'm saying is that you shouldn't ignore your feelings, just because he hasn't given you any signs that you'd expect doesn't mean he doesn't care. expect the unexpected with him, notice the little things" 
"I will" she nods 
Chapter 9: https://www.tumblr.com/ponyosmom35/734013605561974784/friendly-debates?source=share
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foptbw · 9 days
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Timmy: Disclaimer I knoooow my notes have mispellings. I wrote it when I was frustrated and upset and mad! And sometimes words get all messed up when I'm scribbling down it too fast if that makes sense. Please don't make too much fun of me! I'm just so frustrated by this whole Odd Neighbors situation! Why do they like her more than me? Why? Why? Why? Anyway I know the Odd Neighbors are SOOOOOO weird. Even someone else mentioned even if Chester was right and they were on vacation for 10 thousands of days that would mean it would be 28 YEARS! Trust me guys the Odd neighbors do NOT look like they could be old enough to have gone on vacation for 28 years not unless they were like 5 to 10 when they went on vacation and is that even going on vacation? As for them never saying anything about hair dye, they have actually never even spoken to me! Even though I KNOW they had introduced themselves to The Wells! Thats not fair! They talk to the Wells but not me! And Mr and Mrs Wells don't even find their hair weird. Like its normal for people to just have pink and green hair even though they made comments bout my hair. Its just like how no one never ever notices how its weird for Blue lady and man to be blue! I've tried cornering the Odd Neighbors so many times but they always disappear like magic! Like as if they can turn invisible or into some item to hide from me! The only time it doesn't happen is when they are with that girl. But, I can't try to talk to them when they are with her. I'm positive they are fairies or possibly connected to my fairy parents. Fairies have a lot of connections with humans in different lore. The only time they ever let down their guard is with that girl! But I don't wannnnna try to talk to them when SHES around! I can't, I can't, I just can't do it. I'd be like Crocker. I'll never ever be like Crocker. Never ever. I don't care about fairies magic. I just… I just wanna find my family. I just want to know why I never fit in with humans. In stories fairies sometimes leave their children with humans. And changelings are often misunderstood and don't fit in with humans because they aren't humans. If I'm a changeling it would explain why my human parents thought they were going to have a daughter but had a son. Maybe THEIR real child was a daughter? It would explain why they never loved me. Why they never cared. It wouldn't be their fault. How can you blame humans for being unable to love a changeling? In stories changelings are often unable to be loved by their human parents. If I was a changeling than that means it wouldn't be my fault my fairy parents left. Maybe they had to leave. Maybe it wasn't safe for me and they thought making me a changeling would be better. But… if they ARE fairies and they ARE my fairy parents maybe they are avoiding me because I did something wrong. Maybe I did something and now they hate me? Or maybe when they came to check on my progress they were disappointed by me? If they are my fairy parents why do they like that girl but avoid me? What makes her better than me? Is it because she's a girl? Is it because she's cuter than me? Is it because she's normal? Or maybe I'm just unlovable? Too much trouble than I'm worth? Not good enough?
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bluesworldd · 1 year
Text
𐀶 ՙ 🎸 · stay the night !
↳ pairing: hobie brown x reader
↳ tw/cw: cursing, not proofread, kissing, forehead kisses.
↳ genre: fluff
↳ synopsis: hobie always makes it better
↳ blue says: ….yall dont hate me. this took so long because im almost incapable of writing fluff🤕.
request here
spoilers ahead !
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ugh. what a fucking day. finally you had been done with your fifth mission today. miguel, that fucking asshole, had been working you to the damn bone and although you wanted to decline his offers you honestly had nothing else to do. but it didn’t matter cause you wouldn’t be showing your face back here any time soon.
you wasted no time teleporting back to headquarters and making your way to miguels office. thinking about what you would do when you got home made you remember your boyfriend. maybe you could have him come over. yeah that’s probably the only person you could tolerate at this moment.
approaching miguels “office” (if thats what you call it) you felt your spidy senses go off. “well speak of the devil” you knew that voice, it was unforgettable. “and they shall appear, what s be are you doing here hobie?” you let out a soft chuckle. it was almost rare to see hobie at miguels since he never really took on missions, besides the times were miguel almost killed hobie because he always refused. “well i was actually looking for you. miguel was my last resort” you chuckled because of course he was “well i guess i can say the same” turning to miguel, you gave him your report keeping it short. you’ve been on your feet all fucking day and couldn’t wait to get home.
“well if thats all then you both are dismissed” came the tired voice of miguel. you never understood why he would torture his self like that but that was a question for another time. with everything done you turned around and fixed your watch to you dimension but before you could hobie wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you closer to him. “what do you say we go back to mine? yeah?” you rolled your eyes playfully, it amazed you how clingy hobie could be. “fine, your lucky im so tired” you fixed your watch coordinates to hobies dimension.
going through you were met with the beautiful city that was earth one hundred thirty eight. something about the city had an artistic feeling to it, although the brightness of the city strained your eyes you couldn’t think to look away. what a beautiful city indeed. “so what do you say we do today? hm? i was thinking some nice snacks and a good horror movie.”
“sounds lovely, it really does but i doubt id make it through the intro” “long day i presume?” “if only you fucking knew”. entering hobies flat, you both make quick work into getting comfortable. scrolling through the horror section you picked a random movie “hmm how about scream?” “you trying to put me to sleep love?” “either that or you’re picking” “fair, guess were watching scream” pressing play you could feel a part of the couch dip, almost instinctively you began cuddling with hobie. the movie hasn’t even begun and you could already feel your eyes drooping, you decided to fight it off. totally not because you missed talking to your boyfriend, no not at all.
not even thirty minutes into the movie and you could already tell hobie was bored. it wasn’t hard really, hobie typically can’t control his facial expressions. unless he needs to, you can always tell when hobies excited or upset about something. right now you could tell he was beyond bored, although you knew he would never admit it. you couldn’t help but giggle, he could be so stubborn sometimes. “hm? what are you giggling about?” slightly looking up you answered. “how about we change the movie? what do you want to watch?” he gave you a questionable look “and why would we do that? we have another hour and twenty-four minutes left” he was indeed stubborn “hobie you’re obviously bored i can tell” you chuckled, he always put what u wanted ahead of his wants or needs. it was sweet, really it was but sometimes you hated how selfless he could be.
pecking you on the lips, hobie chuckled “it doesn’t matter seriously, im just happy to be with you” you couldn’t help but to chase his lips, you’ve realized just how long its been since you two actually been together like this. you missed this truly you did but you could feel your self start to tire. you’ve been fighting sleep for too long and you could tell.
you fell asleep for who knows how long. you were awoken by the smell of something being cooked and you couldn’t help but smile. “what are you cooking?” you asked with a hoarse voice, trying as best as you could to rub the sleep away from your eyes.” “damn your awake already? well im making fried rice with chicken”
“how long was i asleep for?” you asked with slight concern, truly you didn’t mean to go to sleep especially since you wanted to spend time with hobie as much as possible. “like and hour? i dont blame you” you grinned. walking up to you with two plates in hand, you chuckled. most times hobie could be so caring, in general hes a giving person, always wanting to help an any way he could. you’re probably the luckiest person in the world. “luckiest person in all of the dimensions…it’s definitely me” you giggled out, not like it was a false statement anyway.
“ yeah well you deserve it”
“oh? i wonder why?”
“for being the best partner ever of course” setting the plates down he quickly kissed you on the forehead. when he sat, you immediately fell into his arms. there was no other place you’d rather be.
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©️bluesworldd 2023 || All rights reserved. Do not repost, reupload, translate, modify, copy, or claim my work as your own.
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mrs-monaghan · 10 months
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I need advice, please, you never answer my asks, even though you do with tkkrs spewing lies and hate. Please, I used to love every Jikook interaction, but since a while ago, I can't do it without thinking about how 99% of the fandom are tkkrs and hate JM. I want to enjoy their moments like you do, but it hurts so much to see all the hate JM receives. Sometimes I wonder if JK is worth it...like JM would be free if he dated someone else...tkkrs only want JK to be TH's sex toy, and if JM is with someone else, at least we could enjoy Jikook even if it's them just being friends. Or JK could shut tkkrs up sometime and try to defend Jimin...I gave up on TH confirming Jennie, he's a coward and doesn't want to lose his fans (tkkrs), so he's going to keep doing fanservice namedropping JK everytime he needs it... please, what is your secret? how can I enjoy jkk again? why are there so many people that believe JK is TH's boyfriend if JM is the one he loves? really, everything is so frustrating. Poor JM, I'm tired
Maybe I dont answer your asks because you say things like "maybe Jimin should find someone else" Matter of fact, let it be known to everyone: I delete all such asks. Or any asks that sound remotely like anti JK. Jimin loves who he loves. He is head over heels for this man. Get with the programme or move the fuck on. Coz your fav aint never gonna drop JK just coz u want him to. And I personally figure that is common sense. So anytime I get an ask saying JK doesn't deserve Jimin I don't even finish reading that shit. I delete. So I'm sorry you're upset anon, but if this is how u talk everytime then that's why I have never answered u.
That being said, anon pointed out how I have time to reply to antis n tkkrs. I'm sure some of u who have sent me good Jikook asks probably wonder the same thing. Why does she reply to them but hasn't answered my ask from months ago? This is a fair question. Apart from my current situation 🤰🏽 I may not have time sometimes. And some of your asks require research. Some of your asks are so good they deserve time and thought put into them. Meanwhile insulting a piece of vermin or an anti is easy. I don't have to think when talking smack to these assholes. I don't need to research anything. Plus its very satisfying and takes 0 effort on my end. So that's why it seems like I prioritise them.
Answering a good ask and answering it properly, could take all day sometimes. As much as I love doing it, it requires a lot of time and effort. So yeah, incase any of u was frustrated about how u sent a good ask a long time ago and yet I seem to have time for antis, thats why. That, and people who send links. Those asks are easy n take no time at all.
I'm sorry guys. Really.
But anon, u asked for advice on how to enjoy Jikook moments despite the existence of tkkrs.
I will start by taking you back to this post I made when all hell broke loose that one time. It is incredibly important that people remember: your feelings are not Jimin's. This is the man who in 2018 was sent a death threat and he said that Armys were more worried about this person than he was. That he was alright and that no one should worry.
Quickly, lets pay attention to this part one more time
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His fans were more concerned than he was. I do believe this to be the case 1000% right now too. You are more worried about the vermin than he is. You are more worried about Jikook antis, than he is. He doesn't care. If he cared he would pull away from JK. If he cared we wouldn't be getting a Jikook documentary. If he cared why would be continue providing Jikook content despite knowing some people will not receive it very well??? Despite knowing there are people who wanna kill him for hanging with JK?
If he cared we would be starved for moments on official content. He would keep away from JK if antis were affecting him. Period. There is no "poor Jimin." He's more than okay.
Anon, my advice is to keep this in mind. This is what I do. Jimin doesn't care, so neither do I.
So instead I laugh at them and mock them because they are just wasting their time and energy. No amount of hate and death threats are gonna stop Jimin from loving those he loves. And this is the truth.
Plus, why be concerned with people who believe members hate each other? Like in what world does that make sense?? Anon, you have seen the fuckery i share on this blog. These people are brainless and stupid. As we speak they claim that wasn't JK with Jimin in Tokyo. How can u take such people seriously??? I know I don't. I can't. For me to even consider the shit coming out of your mouth you have to make sense and tkkrs dont make any fucking sense.
So my advice, this is up to you and you only. Its is up to u to treat these people like the mental cases they are; by not taking them seriously. Report, block and move on. Go watch a happy Jimin compilation or something. If u can't take the hate, then unfollow all report pages, mute key words, stay on the clean side of twitter. Believe u me, it exists. Curate your timeline anon, it is possible. Even on twitter.
I promise you Jimin does not care. He used to but he sure as hell doesn't anymore. You remember this crucial part, and you will be able to enjoy Jikook in peace.
Plus, if you've been paying attention to JK, you will notice he doesn't feed tkkrs. He really doesn't. Not like in the past. And the dude has made it clear he doesn't like them... not even a little bit. And can u blame him? Look at you and how u feel. Now imagine JK, Jimin's boyfriend seeing this hate. Imagine how he feels. You can tell he ain't about tkkrs. Especially this year. Even they know it and so they rely on V for tkk content. (Denying them moments is the most JK can do. Interfering or trying to shut them up wouldn't work. If it didn't work with V, twice, it won't work with JK either)
This is the only advice I can give u. Hope u heed it. Because no one deserves their BTS experience taken away from them. Xoxo
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misfithive · 1 year
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Thank you for the way you handled that ask about Wille's and Simon's drama. Because that sentence 'On the other hand, Simon needs to have a bit of more drama thrown at him' made me so furious. It was so insensitive! The fact that he suffers in silence and alone in his room not to bother other people doesn't mean he doesn't suffer enough and needs some more! The fact that he didn't jump on the table or say he feels like dying doesn't make his experience any less traumatic than Wille's. What he needs is to process his trauma rather than brushing it aside, not to get some more.
Once again thank you, you put it all beautifully.
Yes 😭 this is a very common hope for Simon to get pushed to the point of a breakdown but it’s like .. at what cost?😩 He has been thru enough trauma for a lifetime and a half. And the thing is, most people cannot actually stop and process the trauma if they are constantly being hit with more. I think we are more likely to get simon opening up if he is able to find safety which he did not really have. he is expected to be the strong one by everyone in his life. His friends try their best but still, telling him to rebound is the same message him mother gives him of “you are strong”. Bc they dont want him to sit with his feelings and cry (it’s uncomfortable and not the norm for them), they want him to forget about the Prince and move on. Up until s3 he has not had someone to cry to- thats why he writes his songs and holds wille’s sweater. Even when he is talking to Rosh and Ayub in the kitchen if he was actually crying to them i feel they would show it- it appears he probably cried on the way home before they came (this is my hc if yall think he cried to them u can believe that if u want)
i think Simon’s character is very accurate to what a lot of men, people socialized as men, and also people of color experience and how we deal with our emotions. I get that for a lot of people it is cathartic to sob but for many of us, crying like that especially in front of someone else is terrifying. we are conditioned that letting other people see u in that vulnerable state is a weakness (puts you in danger or will be used against you & that anger is safer). I know some men who have not cried since they were children and told me they dont even remember what it feels like to cry or how to actually let the tears fall from their eyes. It is messed up. Is that fair? No. Is it true that it is a weakness? No. But not everyone learns that. The patriarchy sucks and harms us all lol i wish people would understand that and have empathy for the deep sadness that simon is carrying and hiding whether he lets it out or not.
Not to mention everyone deals with their trauma differently and i think it is cool that the show is realistic and shows people dealing with things in different ways. Simons character is relatable bc of this and instead of people saying “it’s not fair that Wille gets to express himself in this way and Simon doesn’t” i want people to think about WHY Simon is not be able to. I know wanting simon to cry comes from a good place but it does upset me a little bit bc even if he doesnt have a breakdown s3, that doesnt mean that the writers hate him and arent doing his story justice which is what people say abt s2. At the same time, if he does have a break down, that would be totally warranted. i'm just saying that if it doesn't happen that's valid too.
THAT BEING SAID. I think s3 is a great opportunity for Simon to hear from Wille that he doesnt always have to be strong and that Wille can be a reliable safe space. I think Wille’s tenderness is something that Simon sees and now that they are on good terms and Wille has worked to rebuild the trust, I hope Simon will turn to Wille for emotional support however that looks.
Ermmmn I’m very sorry that this turned into a dump but i had to get it off my chest.(made a few edits for clarity and spelling mistakes bc i posted this in the middle of the night)
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tomdarsh · 23 days
Text
Katsuki and Izuku character analysis
this is very unformatted and ugly and apart of a larger essay i wrote a while back but i really wanted to share my thoughts on bkdk
this is also largely?? speculation (as i’ve been told by some) but i believe it has a fair bit of canon backing it up
Ok now Katsuki on the other hand had to step into Deku and get closer to grow. He never hated Deku, he was envious of how naturally heroic Deku was. Katsuki hated himself, never Deku, and he felt weak because he was weak, mentally.
Deku just happened to be the physical representation of that weakness because while he was physically weak, Deku was stronger mentally than Katsuki will ever be. That’s why he called Deku useless, it was him projecting. That’s why he was so shaken at Deku vs Kacchan 1, because Deku was overcoming their physical disparity and Katsuki was still left in the dust feeling weak, which is why Deku vs Katsuki 2 happened after All Might fell. He felt his weakness was responsible for the end of All Might and hated himself even more for that, and in turn he fought Deku even more. But at Deku vs Katsuki 2 he learned to embrace that weakness and deal with it WITH Deku, because Deku was the original source of where that initial weakness feeling came from, it only makes sense for him to be the “cure” for it too. Katsuki also doesn’t understand his own emotions or knows how to deal with them, so that’s why he masks it all with anger because he sees anything else as weakness because Deku was constantly expressing everything but anger and he saw Deku as weak (physically) so he associated most emotions with weakness. Thats also why it’s so important his first action of pure heroism with no ulterior motives was for Deku, jumping in front of OFA/Shigaraki’s creepy finger thingies to prevent Deku from being stabbed. Doing this was him getting over that weakness (also why people say Katsuki grew softer while Izuku grew angrier). Him nearly dying for Deku was the ultimate show of character growth because it proved he could get over himself, his mental weakness, and his feelings surrounding Deku to throw himself away to save him. It’s also why Katsuki’s “death” is PEAK KATSUKI. He 100% went into that battle knowing it was most likely a suicide mission you CANNOT TELL ME OTHERWISE, he was completely focused on stalling for Deku because he finally realized he could accept Deku’s help and he didn’t have to do everything by himself. That’s also why he was so upset when he learned Deku lost OFA, because since he was a baby Deku has been the one thing consistent in his life, every major milestone Deku was there watching From The Sidelines (hehe), whether he liked it or not. Deku is his constant, and he kind of has trouble functioning without him. In short he really needs therapy.
also Katsuki never stopped being friends bc of Deku’s lack of a quirk, he stopped being friends because even though Deku was powerless he was still everything Katsuki wasn’t, a true genuine hero, and he took his help as mocking because that was the one thing he could never beat Deku in, or understand about him. That’s also why Katsuki has wet dreams about that god forsaken river scene because it literally changed his life
also he hated Deku at the river scene bc blah blah weakness he hates weakness blah blah Deku was the personification of Katsuki’s own weakness blah blah gay shit inferiority complexes
He LITERALLY needed to get closer to Deku to flourish because Deku is his weakness
And overcoming his “hatred” for Deku was him overcoming his self loathing and inferiority complex
Katsuki is also Deku’s weakness. Deku also really needs Katsuki. For most of his life Katsuki was the dream he could never have, complete power, confidence, and amazing. That is genuinely the only reason he sat watching From The Sidelines (im so funny i know) for so long, despite all the bullying and hurt Katsuki caused him. That’s also why it was really important for him to prove to Katsuki that he could for once hold his own against him in Deku vs Katsuki 1, it was like him coming out and saying “you have to acknowledge me now.” It’s also why Katsuki being taken by the LOV was just literally the worst for Deku, because Katsuki is also Deku’s constant. He’s been watching him for forever, and been in every major milestone in HIS life. Removing Katsuki from the equation is like having carpet pulled from under his feet, breaking all his bones in the fall, and being told to walk again. That’s also why he repeatedly looses control when it comes to Katsuki. First when Monoma insulted him, it was also like insulting Deku because that was someone he looked towards and followed and rooted for, and it was an insult to everything Katsuki stood for and because Deku is the ultimate hero he just couldn’t sit by and stand for that. When he lost control again at Katsuki’s death it was Deku seeing (again) everything he rooted for, strength and victory personified, literally dead. He also relies on Katsuki in the same way Katsuki relies on him, and having that taken away from him was like removing all his bones. Deku is the heart, the lungs, the brain, and Katsuki is the muscle, the bones, the cartilage. They help each other function
Katsuki is Deku’s drive to win, and Deku is Katsuki’s drive to save
Deku’s first true act of heroism was Katsuki
Katsuki’s first true act of heroism was Deku
please be gentle with me this is the first time i’m posting my thoughts like this
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alixlives · 11 months
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something i really hate when it comes to being teased is being forced into asking for it or being told to say something in order to get teased.
like saying “i wont do anything unless you ask” its just. i dont know.
and i try to say i cant or dont want to but the act is kept up, they just take it as me being flustered and having fun but im just. like not.
it feels like pressure. i dont know how or why but it does. and then being egged on into asking, it makes me nervous. genuinely nervous, then anxious and overwhelmed and i’ll just get so upset that i dont want it anymore.
if it has somehow in some way been brought up that im in a lee mood, i feel like it should just take a simple “would you like me to tease you?” and then accepting a simple answer such as “mhm” or “yes” and then in the middle of it, i tend to whine/complain and say no or stop despite not meaning it. and thats only because i have no other way of responding, and ik if i dont say anything then that person will just stop, because if im not answering how do they know im even there to read what theyre saying?
and then me saying stop or no can lead to them actually stopping. this could either result in them immediately continuing after i say smth like “wait no thats not fair” or whatever or they say “no, now you have to ask for me to continue” or whatever. and theres a high chance it’ll just go south
i dont know why im like this with it. i dont like that i am either because its like such a big thing in the community to make someone ask for teases or tickles and i just. i hate it. it makes me so uncomfortable.
i dont think ive seen a single person who feels the same and it just makes me embarrassed of my own boundaries bc its like everyone else is okay with this so people are used to doing it but then im just like no dont do that or i will probably get anxious and cry,,
(Nobody has done this to me recently. I just wanted to say it)
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