#i hate being hard on myself for something i enjoy and do for fun
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On one hand, I love to read these long beautifully crafted fics written by extremely talented and hard working writers
But on the other, it makes me so self critical of my own writing
#i think its a curse that plagues all creative types honestly#and you try not to compare because creating in fandom is about the FUN of it#and yet ... .#its probably the hormones whispering mean things about myself to me again honestly 😕#i hate being hard on myself for something i enjoy and do for fun#pie says stuff
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I feel like November will be a difficult month for me again and I'm not looking for it
#morningtalks#Something about the specter of madness haunting me and kinda breathing down my neck right now#I barely coasted off a full mental breakdown by being utterly mad about a friend's dad being an abhorrent piece of garbage#And then watching a two hour long video essay as I played Little Kitty in a Big City (very neat game btw)#But I'm still in this odd ''close to a breakdown but not yet'' mood and I hate it#I hate how I'm starting to be good at knowing when I'll be out of patience and general stability for all the shit I deal with#I'm getting tired of having to be extra careful because my periods have a tendency of making me Even More unstable#I hate how easily I now know that if something triggers RSD or another one of my problems (and I've got a lot of them)#I'll definitely need to take one day off (at least) to do some damage control on how all-consuming and painful the reaction will be#I hate that I can feel that a month will be hard and being CORRECT about it#I just want to live in peace for once in my life. Is that really too much to ask?#And my friends help me a lot. I would be dead if it wasn't for them#But it's still so hard and I'm still so afraid and I still despise so many things about myself#And the guilt and hatred and shame that was wracking me the entire week has been horrendous to live through#And I know it's a fully irrational reaction#But I still feel all these things. All these thoughts still run around in my head. It is so horrible to love through all of this#I'm not going to commit suicide. I promised myself I never would and I'm too spiteful to do it now#(also. Very fun that one of the main reasons I'm still alive is spite. This world fucked me up yet I'm not leaving until I say I'm done)#But my intrusive thoughts will be really brutal this month I fear. I might genuinely have some vicious moments#I'll just try to have a low-stress weekend and just enjoy my time for myself#I can maybe try to write some stories (I say knowing how much trauma will be in there lol)#Or just do anything to not be alone with my thoughts too much#We'll see how this month pans out. I don't have a lot of faith in it but I could be surprised. Who knows?
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#so that dotd rewrite is out and i have some thoughts on it but i wouldn't know where to put them.. maybe in here bc i don't actually feel -#- like making a whole ass text post. this is coming from me as criticism and not hate.. just some crit from one fan to another if you get m#SPOILERS AHEAD >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>#first off props to the team because this was obv a labor of love - 4 and a half years to make a feature long fan movie is hard work#and the animated stuff was a really nice touch and very commendable - you don't see them too often in big fanworks#in terms of the story well.. there are some things i like and some things that i don't (personally) again no hate#i'm aware this is a rewrite and boy howdy it IS a rewrite - though i am a bit sad that percy doesn't end up being the protagonist and it's#- thomas that has to play hero again.. like i kinda get it but what made the original dotd stand out was that percy was given the spotlight#so i spent an ungodly amount of time wondering when percy was gonna take charge or step into the main story to resolve the problem.. sigh#i liked that they tried to give norman more of a character bc a lot of characters do often get neglected in the series but it was kind of -#- hard to sell that for me? the twist in this rewrite was very creative and i do appreciate it but i guess it just ain't for me#“different” is ok and this is just one of many fan rewrites for this particular story#if there was something i enjoyed.. i guess the beginning was still kind of exciting because the set up was honestly like hype a bit#i liked that diesel and d10 actually got to interact face to face and there are clearer dynamics established for the diesels#and also. silverband's performances as d10 will always be fun he does a fantastic job voicing him (how d10 stole xmas will still be my fav)#my criticisms for this movie also derive from the pacing and the voice acting - i found it hard to try and understand tones sometimes -#- because the delivery felt so off.. like don't get me wrong not everyone in the fandom is a voice actor but if we're using static faces -#- for these fan works the delivery has to be a little more clear or else it'll sound like you're reading from a script.. sorry yall :"|#for the pacing i found it a bit hard to parse when some things were going on and how fast things were progressing#as well as the crashes.. that's also another thing bc i couldn't tell bc of the sfx and audio balancing - it could be better..#i wanna say. muffled voices do not substitute for a “far away”/off-screen voice bc i still can't hear it :“|#there were a lot of throwbacks and references to older thomas media/movies but some of them felt a little.. much?#if this is a dotd rewrite why are we getting some parallels with tatmr.. but i digress. at least they made diesel beef with duck a bit#there's a lot more i could say but i'm keeping those to myself. at the end of the day this fan movie was hard work for everyone involved#and you can tell some of the folks were having fun in there - props to them! i'm always glad to see more fan works in the community#we've come so far we're making feature length fan stories and rewrites that's crazy! i hope to see more in the future#fauxtrainpost.txt
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It's me. I'm the cis, heterosexual, aromantic man. I will never marry, I will never be married, I will grow into middle age and elder age and I will die unmarried. I will be forced to support a household of myself on only my wages alone for the rest of my life. I will be asked about women and marriage and children by my family for the rest of my life (or men, the progressive ones might say). I may not ever come out to them. I feel like I burned my coming out on something stupid. I don't want to explain it. I don't want to run them through the definitions and intricacies. I don't want the acceptance without understanding, placating me with ceased questions and poor explanations to other, drunk adults.
I like my hair to be long, I spent a year with it dyed a golden blonde with dark roots because I like the trashy party girl aesthetic. I want to dye it again with pink tips. I like painting my nails, black and blue are my favorite colors. I like wearing chokers. I also like wearing baggy jeans and ratty hoodies. I like having stubble. I like having chest hair. I like having a square jaw and broad shoulders. I wish I had a flatter stomach and a thinner profile frame. I don't know what this makes me, perhaps this is something no more GNC than Machine Gun Kelly. I think about this a lot, how queer my appearance truly is. I should think about it less. I have thought long and hard about if I could be trans or if I could be non-binary or if I could be genderqueer and the conclusion I ultimately came to is that I most enjoy being a man open to whatever self-expression I want.
I don't date, but I've thought about it. I would like to meet people, and I would like to have sex with them. But I don't want to hurt them. I fear if I explain what I am beforehand it'll scare them away. I fear if I explain after they'll feel manipulated or abused. I don't know how many people in the dating scene want what I want. I fear my own lack of experience will make me a bad lay, an embarrassing story to tell to confidants in hindsight. I fear my own virginity, a boundary to those I wish to be like. All of these fears are baseless, as I've not been able to even begin a single relationship in my life. Despite this I still heavily identify with terms like "slut" and "manwhore" and "thot" because my interests lay so deeply within casual sex, sex without great intimacy or emotion. This may be some form of stolen valor. I hope the true sluts are not too mad at me.
I made this blog several years ago because a mutual of mine reblogged memes making fun of aro and ace people, making fun of the concept of aphobia, and in addition well known aphobes. I didn't feel comfortable talking about aro stuff on my main blog, for as little as I talk about it. Living through the ace discourse of the 2016 era has largely caused me to cringe in embarrassment any time I am forced to discuss my orientation with people who aren't aro or ace themselves. I no longer follow this person. I unfollowed many people I was mutuals with from that time, most of them because they posted too often about how much they hated men and I didn't want to see that, some because our interests simply drifted too far apart, only one for explicit aphobia reasons. (Also one because they became a "both sides are bad, any vote is wasted" libertarian, but that's unrelated.)
I guess at this point I don't care deeply about what strangers on the internet think of me. If a trusted friend told me that they don't think I'm truly queer that may hurt. But I am going to continue to use the word for myself. I take up no resources. I go to events that are open to me. If an event was not open to me, I think I'd not want to go anyways. I am not a hypothetical, I am not a strawman, I am a person with lived experiences both within and exterior to the queer community. If you hate me, I will permit you to continue to do so. But ultimately, I am who I am, I cannot change these facts, and I would not choose to do so even if I could.
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pon de replay - cl16 (+18)
masterlist ||
Summary: The one where Charles decide to prove to everyone that it is him that you belong to, and only him.
Pairing: charles leclerc x reader
Word Count: 4.8k
Warnings: smuttt, nothing but pure filth, one might even say it is pwp, unprotected sex (cover your willy don’t be silly), oral (f receiving), kinda exhibitionism?, public sex, jealous charles, possessive charles, carlos being a little shit because he’s bored, poor lando, not even sure if i fulfilled the request or not, minors dni!!
Request: “HELLOOOO! i have an idea and you don’t have to write it but it’s been rattling around in my brain and im never gonna write it (i constantly have way too many ideas to write them fr) myself so i figured i’d send it to you cause you’ve kinda restored my F1 phase with your work. basically, reader being very goofy, funny, and maybe a little bit too loud at times. just like a very silly and bubbly personality and she hangs out with some of the f1 boys (maybe because she’s famous in her own right like a dancer or something) so naturally EVERYONE ships her with lando. like hardcore, almost as bad as one direction fans ships (iykyk), and it sorta makes sense cause when they’re together it’s pure and utter chaos and they both express themselves with physical touch B U T ! she’s actually with charles. to her it makes total sense to be with charles instead of lando cause while lando is definitely attractive he’s too much like her and it’d be like dating herself whereas charles brings out a new calm side to her and she can bring out a goofier side to him. opposites attract type shit😭. maybe a little angst cause charles hates seeing all the edits and also feels a little insecure cause lando and reader DO make sense together in his mind so why’d you pick him instead? then like soft fluff/smut reassurance that charles is literally the man of her dreams, a literal fucking prince, and the best person she’s ever been with. ANYWAYS, im rambling! again, you don’t have to write this if you don’t connect with it or don’t have time i just needed an outlet SOMEWHERE for all the F1 brain rot.”
Author’s Note: hi, hey, hello!! i first of all want to start by saying that i’m very sorry that this isn’t exactly like the request, like at all, but it took me a criminal amount of time to actually get this finished so we’re not going to focus on that. okay? okay, great!! in all and all it was actually quite fun to work on this at the beginning, it was just kinda hard for some reason to work on the actual smut part, but i hope you guys enjoy! good morning, noon or night wherever you are, xoxobee
Please also note that all of my works are protected under copyright, and not available for reposting on other platforms.
Charles wouldn’t call himself a possessive person, not a chance. He might be ambitious, and competitive, but possessive? That, he is not. He’s never been the type of get jealous of his partner’s friends, whether male or female, because he likes to think that he is mature enough to understand that people have friends. It’s that simple. And he is most definitely not the type of person to comment on what you wear when you’re going out, he is just not that guy. He’s fairly certain that his mother would materialise out of thin air and give him a good beating if he were to do that. So when you asked him about the dress you have on earlier before you left his apartment, the one that clings to your body so tightly that he can practically make out the outline of your tits from across the room? He just smiled and told you to have fun tonight – because he’s there to make sure you’re not put off by anyone staring at you in it.
So yeah. He’s not usually the type to let the jealousy take over his ability to think things out rationally, but when his girlfriend is dancing her heart away in the middle of the dance floor while every red-blooded men watch her with the same look in their eyes? Yeah, it’s not easy to keep his emotions in check at the moment given the circumstances. And it’s not that he even intends to pout like a petulant child at the bar, making sure to keep an eye on you, it’s just that he is an expressive person and his face reflects what he’s feeling that well. Totally because of that. It’s scary how utterly focused he is on you, watching your every move to make sure no one is bothering you, though you don’t seem to be in need of his help as he watches you dance with one of the girls you met when you first arrived to the club – and with Lando, though he tries not to focus on that part too much.
It's fine, though, he tries to make himself believe, it’s fine as long as you’re having fun. Though that doesn’t necessarily stop him from throwing daggers into Lando’s direction as covertly as he can. The way he has a friendly arm around you is driving him crazy, and he is not above stomping over there to pull you under his arm, drag you to the nearest bathroom and– Well, maybe he shouldn’t get too far ahead of himself just yet.
“They look good together, no?” He hears someone ask him from the side. He realises it is his teammate when he turns to give the person a glare.
“Who?” He asks, deciding to play dumb, but he can’t help himself as he makes a face while focusing his gaze back on you.
“You know who I’m talking about, cabrón!” Carlos exclaims, laughing as he pats him on the back and points to the two of you with a tilt of his head, “I’m glad he’s finally doing something about it rather than sulking around like a geriatric toddler.”
If he would have turned around any faster, Charles is sure his neck would actually, possibly, break. “What?” he spits out as he turns around, “Do you mean her and Lando?”
Carlos gives his teammate a confused look, “Yes,” he drawls out, “you didn’t know he had a crush on her? I thought the entire paddock knew!” Charles feels a surge of disbelief and a tinge of anger bubbling within him.
He wouldn't call it possessiveness, more like a primal instinct to protect what's his. But this revelation catches him off guard, shattering his carefully constructed facade of nonchalance. With doing his best to keep calm under the situation, he asks, “Are you sure you’re not making things up? I feel like you’re misreading the situation here.”
That receives another confused look from his teammate, and though Charles is quite the perceptive person, he misses Carlos starting to put the pieces together – thanks to his overreaction. “I guess so,” Carlos mumbles, loud enough for Charles to hear him in the loud club, “he’s always talking about her, though. The way she smiles, her hair, her dresses; did you know he even went to see one of her performances in Vegas?” Carlos feels bad, really, but there is also something so fulfilling in confirming his theories as he watches his teammate’s eyes bulge out at the mention of one of your dance shows in Vegas. Because Charles knows what those entail.
“I-in Vegas?” He stutters out, eyes moving to focus on your dancing figure again. And at that moment, he absolutely hates Lando. He hates him for having his arms around you, he hates him for dancing with you to the beat in a rhythm he never seems to be able to keep up with, he hates him for the way everybody seems to think the two of you seem to make a handsome couple, and he absolutely hates him for the way he makes you smile.
Charles Leclerc is not a possessive guy – until it comes to you, that is.
“Charles?” He hears Carlos call out his name, but he’s out of his seat long before he can hear the end of his sentence. He doesn’t mean to stomp across the dance floor to get to you. He really doesn’t. He also doesn’t mean to grab you by your arm and put a pause on your fun. And the smile you give him and the way you wrap your arms around his neck while you call him ‘Charlie’? Makes his heart stutter in a way that makes him forget why he ever came over in this first place. Because this should be normal – you, having male friends and spending time with them should not make him insecure. He should be fine with you and Lando spending time together because you both love the hustle and bustle of a club. But at that moment, he doesn’t care about what should be normal, no. He cares about the fact that someone other than him has managed to make you smile, and that he needs to remind you that he’s the only one who should be on the receiving end of all your smiles.
So when he drags you away from the dancefloor (and Lando, for that matter), he doesn’t listen to your objections. He doesn’t care about the way Carlos is watching from his place from the bar, putting all the pieces together as he shares a look with Lando. And he most definitely doesn’t care about the fact that he’s about to fuck you in the club’s bathroom. Well, maybe he does care about that last part. “Charlie,” you whine, your voice clearly scratched from shouting along the lyrics of the songs playing throughout the night, and he doesn’t miss the way you slur his name ever so slightly – which tells him that you had at least two drinks. Cosmopolitans, if he had to guess. “Pleaaase,” you drag out the word, pulling on his shirt to get his attention, “they are playing my song!”
His first mistake is to look at you, because the way your lips form a pout and the way you’re giving him puppy dog eyes is usually strong enough for him to give in. Though this is no usual situation. So instead of moving the two of you back to the dancefloor, he grabs you by your cheeks and presses his lips against you. In the middle of the club, where everybody can see him doing it. The way his lips move against yours is aggressive, and you’re definitely out of breath when he does move away. Cosmopolitans, he realises after tasting you. You've had cosmopolitans. Then, he just gives you a look, threads his fingers through yours and raises an eyebrow. Then he asks, “Are you going to be a good girl and come with me now, or should I do this the hard way and just carry you on my shoulder?”
If this was any other situation, you would totally say something bratty back. Hell, you might have actually said something rude if it meant him being rough with you, maybe spanking you a few times just enough times for you to learn your lesson. But you understand that this is no ordinary situation from his voice and the expression on his face. Charles is like that, you suppose. He’s an open book – meaning that it is very easy to understand what kind of a mood he’s in just by looking at his face, or listening to the undertone of his voice. And right now? Right now you know he’s pissed. You don’t necessarily know what you did, nor do you care. Mainly because all you want to do is make him feel better simply because of the reason that he is one of those people who’s just meant to smile at all times, not frown.
And so you nod gingerly, squeaking out a thimble, “Yes.” You finally meet his eyes as you wrap yourself around his arm, pushing yourself closer to him in the crowded club. “I’ll be good.”
This thumb does that thing where he caresses your knuckle, and he starts moving you through the crowd again. This time, however, you try to stick to him by matching the speed of his steps rather than trying to stay back. You told him you’d be good, you intend to keep your promise. He’s quiet all the way to the bathroom, and he’s quiet when he motions you to get inside, and he’s quiet when he closes to door and promptly locks it behind your back. You think for a moment you’re just there for a chat, maybe about that something you might’ve done, but Charles takes you by surprise as he grabs your waist and pushes you against the door, causing your eyes to widen with realisation of what you’re about to do in that bathroom.
“Charles, what’s wrong?” You try to ask, but he shuts you up with another kiss. And if you thought the previous kiss was aggressive, this one absolutely consumes you. He doesn’t even give you a fighting chance as his tongue quickly dominates yours, and he is relentless as he nips at your lower lip. You can’t help the mortifying moan that leaves your lips, and you push him away to inhale deeply. “What has gotten into you?” You ask, eyes wide due to the adrenaline coursing through your veins, “What happened?”
“You, happened.” He growls. And by that, you mean that he actually growls. His voice is a few octaves deeper than his usual voice, and you can see that he’s snappy. There is this dark look in his eyes that would otherwise scare you if you didn’t know him, but you do. Because he’s your Charles.
And you know this because the quickly leans into your touch when you bring one of your hands up to cup his cheek, giving him a confused look. “Did I do something?” You ask, voice soft amidst the humid bathroom. “Oh my god, is it my dress? Is it too short?” Your eyebrows draw closer as you start properly spiralling. “I knew I should’ve worn the shorts, why didn’t you say something?”
Your mini monologue about your party attire must have struck a chord because Charles suddenly exhales heavily, his forehead resting against yours as he closes his eyes. “No, non, it's not about the fucking dress,” he lashes out, his voice strained, and lace with something else that you can’t quite catch. “I don’t care what you wear, though I do appreciate the easy access.”
“Easy access?” You repeat, testing out the words as you come to a realisation. “What?” You exclaim, quickly taking your hand away from his face to lightly slap at his chest. “No! We are definitely not doing that here, are you out of your mind? You pulled me away because you can’t keep it in your pants until we’re home?”
“And why not?” He asks, and this time, you can see the unbridled rage behind his look. “Would you rather go back to Lando out there? You looked quite happy in his arms after all.”
And the realisation dawns on you right then and there. That this isn’t about your choice of dress for the evening, no. It is about Lando. Though you don’t get that part, since he’s both of your friend, so why is Charles being like this? And you would ask him, of course. But the look he gives you indicates that he doesn’t want to be tested in that exact moment.
So instead, you attempt to calm him down, by dragging your hand gently down his chest and wrapping your arms around his middle. He is like that, your Charles, sometimes he just wants to be held to see reason. “Charlie,” you call out, voice soft as you give him a pleading look, “why don’t you tell me what this is about, hm?”
You think he’s going to finally give in for a moment, but then he just gives you a blank stare. “I don’t want to talk,” he grunts, pulling you flush against him by the hands he has on your waist. His lips are on your neck faster than you can say anything, working his way towards your collarbones. The faint whimpers that come out of your lips bring a small smile to his lips knowing that he’s the one causing them, not Lando or any other guy.
“Charles,” you gasp, your fingers tangling in his hair as his lips trail along your skin. Despite the confusion and frustration swirling within you, you can't deny the way his touch ignites a fire deep within you, consuming your thoughts and leaving you breathless with desire. But as much as you crave his touch, you know that there are unresolved issues between you, issues that need to be addressed before you can fully give yourself to him in this moment. “Charlie,” you repeat, your voice barely above a whisper as you gently push against his chest, urging him to stop. “Stop, we need to talk about this.”
“Talk about what?” He asks, all breathy and with a wild look in his eyes. You can see that he’s trying to hold himself back, but at the same time his hands keep moving on your body in a way that makes you want to let him lose control and perhaps even join him. He successfully ignores your attempts at pushing him away, sliding his hands down on your body to grab the hem of your dress, clenching the material in his hand while dragging it upwards on your thighs until he reaches the soft skin of your stomach. “I have a thing in mind which might help me feel better.” Unable to take your eyes off of him, you take a stuttered breath as you watch him slowly get down on his knees, his lips pressing kisses starting form your sternum continuing down your body over your dress until you feel his lips on the exposed skin of your stomach. His kisses stop once he’s met with the top lining of your underwear, looking at you with a mischevious glint in his eyes as he nips at the nimble lace adorning the top. You call out his name in a weak whimper – though it is not clear to you, nor him, whether you’re asking him to stop or go on. Charles decides to go with the latter. “You know what to say if you want me to stop.”
You don’t really need his reminder, you realise, but it is a welcome one. Your cheeks blush even further when you feel his gaze on you as he lowers his face towards your core, leaving a sweet kiss onto your clit through the fabric of your thong. Suddenly, you want nothing more than to just rip to whole thing apart so there is nothing separating you from him, but you know the game, and you especially know that the ending is sweeter than what you could ever imagine at that moment. And so you wait – you wait until he eventually makes his move and gives your slit a generous lick through the fabric. Watching you is equal parts thrilling and painful, mainly because he wants to drag out his teasing as long as possible just to see you falling apart for him. It’s second nature to you, the way your hand threads through his hair to move him the way you want to, but it is of course not an option because it’s Charles who is in charge.
He makes this known by the way he pulls away, ignoring the way your hands scramble to guide him back to where you want him to be. He nips at the skin of your thigh in a warning manner, pulling a whine from your lips as he fixes you with a look, “You’re not in control tonight, mon bijou, I’ll stop if you try to take over. You got that?” It’s sobering to see him take control in such a way, you sweet little Charles. Usually, he has no problem just laying back and letting you take all the control, or even just making you believe you do. But now? With the way he’s looking at you with such hunger? You know you’d be soaking through your underwear if you weren’t so wet for him already. All you can do is offer him a meek nod, with your lips hanging open in shock, but he is not satisfied with your answer. No, he needs to hear you say the words. So, being the initiative person that he his, he tips at your skin again, this time earning himself a whimper along a grumble about how he’s being unreasonable. He isn’t, but that’s a topic to discuss another time, he decides. “I said, you got that?”
“Yes! Fine, yes!” You whine, grabbing your dress even tighter with your fist that isn’t buried in his hair, “Please just make me come.”
“See?” He asks, flashing you a sweet smile as he lowers his face back onto where you need him the most, “It wasn’t that hard now, is it?” The grumble about how he’s about to be the hard one, makes him chuckle to himself, the rumbling from it making you moan his name as he finally gives you what you want. His tongue works fast as he laps on the wetness through your underwear, soaking the material even more without a care in the world. If you weren’t wet before, you’re sure you’re definitely wet as he drags his tongue through your slit and back onto your clit to suck it through the fabric, causing you to let out a string of moans, each getting considerably louder as he works on your cunt.
The breath is knocked out of your lungs as the moments pass, as you become closer and closer to your impending release. You don’t even notice the fact that you’ve started to move your hips to match the rythym of his tongue, seeking something more to make you tip over the edge. You’re also very aware of the fact that Charles is letting you what you want to do, and though you’re scared out of you midn that he’ll stop like he threatened to do before, the little nod he gives you when you give him a pleading look assures you that he also wants you to come undone on his face.
Or so you’ve thought.
Because he knows your body so well that jus as you’re about to come he pulls back, leaving you high and dry, and even has the nerve to chuckle when he hears his name coming out of your mouth in a high pitched whine. You’re so lost in the moment that you almost miss the way he gently grabs your hands and removes them from his hair, pinning them above you and pushing you against the wall. “Why?” You whine, lips pushed out in a pout as your voice gets gradually whinier, “I was so close, Charles.”
“Oh, baby,” he cooes, “I know you were, I could feel it too.” He starts peppering your feverish skin with kisses, as if to say sorry for leaving you on the brink of an orgasm, and you find yourself arching your neck to expose more of your skin to his skillfull lips. You should stop him, some part of you screams to you in your head, because with the way he’s disguising the fact that he’s marking you with hickeys, but you don’t care at that moment. Your every breath and moan seem to motivate him to work faster, and harder, and when he eventually pulls back to leave a bruising kiss on your lips. A smirk finds its way onto his lips as he gives you an eyeing down, taking in how breathless you look. “Don’t worry, mon bijou, I’ll fuck you now, okay?”
You don’t even realise the nod you give him, too lost in his eyes to put words together to form a proper sentence. He’s gentle with you as he lets go of your hands and positions you the way he wants. With one of your legs wrapped around his hip he has better access to your soaked underwear, his fingers working quickly to pulling it aside. You don’t know when he managed to get himself free from his pants and underwear, but that doesn’t stop you from letting out a loud moan when you feel the tip of his cock circling your clit. “Please, please, please,” your voice cracks as you frantically beg him to do something more. You’d love nothing more than to scold him for the way he shushes you condescendingly, but any complaint you had evaporates when you feel him nudge your entrance. “Please,” you breathe out again, giving him pleading looks as you try to pull him closer somehow, “You promised me you’d fuck me.”
That manages to pull out a beathy chuckle for him, and as if he’s trying to console you, you feel his fingers gently caressing the skin of your hip. “Why don’t you do it yourself, hm?” A grin widens on his lips when you give him a look of confusion, and he leads one of your hands between your bodies for you to wrap it around his cock. “You want me inside you, right?” He rewards your tentative nod with a series of kisses down the column of your throat, “Come on then,” he mumbles into your skin, “put it in, pretty girl.” Exhaling a shaky breath, you keep your eyes on him as you guide him through your entrance. A gasp is torn from your lips when you feel his tip entering you, the initial stretch being more overwhelming because of the fact that you’re standing up. But Charles is quick to soothe you with his kisses down your neck, letting you control the rhythym and how further he can move inside you at first. With your hand making its way down to his hip, pressing him close to you, he quickly gets the message that you’re ready for him. “You’re ready?” He double-checks, raising his head to fix his eyes to yours.
“I swear to god if you don’t fuck me right now–” Your words are interrupted when you feel him move his hips back, just enough to have his tip inside you, and then he snaps his hips forward to thrust back in, making your breath hitch at the back of your throat. It doesn’t take very long for you to become a moaning mess, in fact, you’re more than ready to fall apart for him then and there, but you know he won’t let you until he gets his point across.
“Look at you, mon bijou,” Charles darkly chuckles, hips matching the rhythym of the song playing outside at the dance floor, “what would people think if they saw you being such a mess for me in a club’s bathroom?” And the whine you let out in response to his question nothing if pathethic, but you can’t find it in you to care because of how good he’s making you feel. “Yes?” He prompts you, mocking the whiny ‘Yes’, that leaves your mouth before you start begging him to let you come. But he doesn’t, because he knows you can hold it until he’s ready for you too, and he tells you just that.
“So good, Charlie, so good,” you can’t help the broken moans you let out as he fucks you to the brink of an orgasm. But that is not enough for him, no. He needs everyone to know the two of you are together now, needs to get out all of his pent up frustrations out.
So when the opportunity presents itself with Lando knocking on the door asking if you are okay? A knowing smirk find its way onto his lips, and you try to silently plead with him with your eyes. “You want to cum?” He whispers in your ear, his thrusts becoming faster. “Say my name if you want to come, baby.”
“Please–” You gasp, hands grabbing the shirt he’s wearing. It’s no avail even if you try to keep your voice down. Because when Charles finds a way to slither his hand down between your legs and starts rubbing your clit in firm circles? You know there is no way you can stay quiet through your orgasm. “Why?” You manage to get out, “God, Charles please.”
“Tell me who’s making you feel so good, pretty girl.” He encourages you, his rhythym now almost brutal as he tries his best to make you come for him. “Come on, tell me who you belong to.” He chuckles darkly when he sees you shaking your head. “It’s not Lando, it’s me. You hear that?” Uh-huh, is the only answer he receives in return, but he is of course not satisfied with it. So, he gently pinches the inside of your thigh. “Tell me who’s going to make you come, or I’ll stop.”
“N-no!” You exclaim, too overwhelmed to see that his threat is an empty one, because he would never actually do something like that to you. “Please, please don’t stop.”
“Come on,” he cooes, the sweet words he whispers into your skin making you more and more malleable to his request. “Say my name baby, let me hear you.”
“Charles,” your loud moan cuts the heavy air in the bathroom. Cheeks flushed, breath unorganised and with that wild look in your eyes? There’s nothing Charles wouldn’t do for you. With every move of his hips, you moan his name louder, eventually tipping over the edge as he feels you squeezing his cock so tight that he almost loses himself then and there.
That’s not to say he doesn’t, of course. Because just as you’re about done with your orgasm, you feel him come inside you, chanting your name alongside mine, mine mine. It takes a long time for the both of you to get back to your senses, but he’s extremely gentle with you as he helps you down and fixes your underwear. You find yourself snuggling up to him when he eventually takes you into his arms after fixing his own clothing, nuzzling your nose to his neck. “You know, I think I like the jealous side of you.” You mumble, leaving a few kisses across his jaw.
“Yeah?” He asks, a breathy chuckle leaving him as he cradles your face with both of his hands, his thumbs caressing the apples of your cheeks.
“Yeah.” You nod, giving him a small smile, “But I need you to take me home, please, I can feel your cum dripping down my leg.”
“Oh baby,” he coos, tutting as he slides his hands down your body to grab you by the waist, “we’re not going home, it would be rude to leave our friends by themselves. Don’t you think so?” The flabbergasted look that you give him makes another chuckle come from his lips as he slowly turns you towards the door. His lips find the junction between your neck and shoulder again as he announces, “We’re going to go back out there, and we’re going to dance. We wouldn’t want you to miss your song now, would we?”
And when he opens the bathroom door and you hear the first words to a Rihanna song you love? You know it’s going to be a long night ahead of you.
#monzabee#requests open#f1 fic#f1 fanfic#f1 smut#formula 1#fanfic#f1 x reader#f1 x you#f1 x y/n#charles leclerc#charles leclerc x reader#charles leclerc imagine#imagine#fluff#angst#smut#charles leclerc smut#charles leclerc fluff
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The Interview | Lando Norris⁴
Pairings: Lando Norris x bsf!reader
Warnings: smut
Requested: yes
A/N: My first time writing bsf!Lando yay!!! This was a pain in the ass to edit and as twice to write. I wanted to burn it at least six times in the process, but I finally won that war and here we are. I don't hate it, but don't necessarily like it either, but I hope that's only because I read it like 945437 times and already know every sentence by heart 💀 and that you will actually enjoy it <3
Interviewing your best friend, how hard could it actually be? As you sat across from Lando Norris in the cozy McLaren hospitality, you realized that interviewing him was proving to be much more challenging than you had anticipated. Especially when he was looking like that.
Sweats and hoodies were his all time go to whenever he was at home, and you have seen him wearing it numerous times. But that morning when he came to pick you up from your hotel room, you didn’t expect that exact outfit to be the one to leave you stunned.
As you tried to ignore how effortlessly good he looked, in white sweatpants and a light grey jumper that showcased his lean physique, and curls of his hair falling in just the right way over his forehead, you cleared your throat and focused on the notes in front of you. But as Lando flashed you a charming smile and leaned back in his chair, all thoughts of the interview questions went out the window.
“So, what do you want to know that you already don’t?” Lando asked, his eyes sparkling with mischief.
"So, Lando," you began, trying to keep your voice steady, "what do you think sets McLaren apart from the other teams on the grid this season?"
"I think what really sets us apart is our team spirit," he replied. "We have an incredible group of people working together towards a common goal, and that camaraderie is something special." Lando flashed you yet another one of his charming smiles.
His words were filled with passion, and it was impossible not to be captivated by the way his voice drew you in. Despite being your best friend, there was something different about seeing him in his element, fully immersed in his love for the sport.
"It's no secret that you have a huge following on social media," you continued, steering the conversation towards a lighter topic. "How do you handle the pressure of always being under the spotlight?"
Lando chuckled softly before replying, "Oh, you know, I just try to be myself and have fun with it. The fans are amazing, and I'm grateful for all their support. Plus, it helps that my memes game is strong," he added with a wink.
"You definitely have some iconic meme moments," you agreed with a laugh, feeling more at ease now that the conversation had shifted to something more familiar. But beneath the banter and playful exchanges, you couldn't shake off the nagging feeling that there was something Lando wasn't telling you.
Throughout the interview, you noticed subtle shifts in Lando's demeanor whenever certain topics came up. His jokes became more frequent, his sarcasm sharper, as if he was intentionally deflecting your inquiries. You made a mental note to revisit those moments later, but for now, you decided to go with the flow and enjoy the time with your best friend.
Leaning forward, you fixed him with a steady gaze and said, "Let's talk some more about you. It’s the beginning of a new season and fans are eager to know what your goals are for the upcoming races. Can you share with us what you hope to achieve this year?"
For a moment, there was a flicker of seriousness in his eyes before he smirked and replied, "I hope to give all the other drivers a head start, just to make things interesting," Lando quipped with a mischievous grin.
You chuckled at his response, recognizing the familiar playful tone he always carried. But beneath the humor, you sensed a hint of determination in his eyes. Pushing further, you pressed on, "Come on, Lando. We all know you're not one to settle for anything less than the best. What are your real aspirations for this season?"
“You already know what my aspirations are, y/n. Can’t you just make something up?”
“Of course I can’t. What if I put together a statement and then you tell a different version of events to another journalist?”
Lando chuckled, shaking his head at your persistence. “And what makes you think I wouldn’t lie to them? Other reporters aren’t my friends so I think it’s actually you who’s in advantage here.”
Rolling your eyes playfully, you shot back, "Oh, so now I'm the lucky one getting the inside scoop, huh? Well alright, if you’re already so tired of answering my questions, how about we take a break and take some pictures for the article? I also heard you got a new helmet you’ll be wearing for testing as a tribute to Gil de Ferán, right? Let's capture that moment."
Lando's eyes lit up with enthusiasm at the mention of his new helmet design. He eagerly agreed, and the two of you made your way to the McLaren garage where his helmet awaited. As he carefully lifted it up, you couldn't help but admire the intricate details and the thoughtful tribute to the racing legend. Lando slipped it on with a sense of pride, and you couldn't resist snapping a few photos of him posing confidently in front of his car.
“Let’s go out to the track and have some shots of you and the helmet there. You could sit on the pit wall and hold it in your lap while admiring it,” you suggested, already envisioning the striking images that would accompany your article. Lando flashed you a grateful smile, appreciating your creativity and dedication to capturing the essence of his racing journey.
Lando perched on the pit wall, his expression a mix of focus and determination as he cradled the helmet in his hands. The vibrant colors of the design shone brightly against the backdrop of the racing circuit, a visual representation of Lando's respect for the sport's history and his aspirations for the future.
You snapped photo after photo, each frame telling a story of passion, ambition, and unwavering dedication.
“You’re choosing some interesting angles,” Lando teased as you were crouching down to get a shot from a lower perspective.
You couldn't help but smile at his lighthearted comment, your cheeks flushing with a warmth that had nothing to do with the scorching sun beating down on the track. Lando's voice had a way of enveloping you, drawing you in like a magnet and as you adjusted your position to capture another shot, your eyes inadvertently lingered on his hands, noticing the way his fingers traced the curves of the helmet with a gentle reverence.
You always thought Lando had beautiful hands, but in that very moment you couldn’t help but think what it would be like if those hands touched you. Really touched you.
The professional journalist in you was focused on capturing the perfect shots and telling Lando's story through the lens of your camera. But the other part of you, the part that had known Lando for years and cherished his friendship above all else, was struggling to keep up with the sudden surge of desires and thoughts that threatened to unravel your composure.
Lando's easy laughter and playful banter did little to ease the tension building within you. With each click of the camera, his presence seemed to grow more magnetic, his features more captivating. You couldn't deny the allure of his smile, the intensity in his gaze, or the way his energy seemed to envelop you in a cocoon of warmth.
While you reviewed the photos on your camera, Lando leaned in closer to get a glimpse as well. The heat of his body so near sent a shiver down your spine, and you hastily cleared your throat, trying to dispel the sudden rush of emotions coursing through you. But Lando was oblivious to your inner turmoil, his attention fully focused on the images displayed on the screen.
"These look amazing, y/n," he exclaimed, his eyes lighting up with genuine excitement.
"Thank you, Lando," you managed to reply, your voice sounding slightly breathless even to your own ears. Clearing your throat once more, you added, "We should head back. You still owe me some answers.”
As you walked back towards the McLaren hospitality unit, Lando slung an arm around your shoulder, pulling you into a playful headlock. "You know, y/n, for someone who claims to be a professional interviewer, you're not half bad as a photographer either," he teased, his eyes twinkling with mischief.
You chuckled, swatting his arm away with mock indignation. "Hey now, don't let my talents overshadow your own star power. I'm just here to make sure the world sees the real Lando Norris in all his glory, on and off the track," you quipped back with a grin, the easy banter between you a testament to the years of friendship that had only grown stronger through the shared journey in the fast-paced world of Formula 1.
As you reached the hospitality unit, Lando released you from the headlock and held the door open with a flourish. "After you, madam photographer," he said with a mock bow, his eyes dancing with a mischievous gleam.
You both entered the bustling hospitality area, filled with team members preparing for the upcoming race weekend. The familiar sights and sounds enveloped you, a comforting blend of adrenaline and excitement that always accompanied a race day.
The familiar faces of the McLaren team greeted you warmly, their camaraderie palpable in every interaction. Lando's presence only added to the vibrant ambiance, his infectious laughter drawing others to join in.
Taking a seat at one of the tables, you watched as Lando engaged in animated conversations with his teammates, his passion for racing evident in every gesture and expression. It was moments like these that reminded you why you were drawn to motorsport in the first place—the sense of community, the thrill of competition, and the shared pursuit of excellence.
“Sorry for leaving you like that,” Lando said, sliding into the seat across from you, “but duty calls. It’s time to jump in the car. We can finish the interview later tonight, if that’s alright?”
"Of course, go do your thing out there on the track. We'll pick up where we left off," you replied, giving him an encouraging smile.
You stayed for a while, watching him drive and snapping a few more photos of his swift maneuvers on the track, each turn and acceleration a testament to his skill behind the wheel. The sun dipped lower in the sky, casting a golden glow over the circuit as the day drew to a close and you decided to go back to the hotel and edit the material you’ve gathered so far.
Having spent the whole day on track in the glowing sun, you first took a shower and got more comfortable in your pajama shorts and loose top before settling down at the small desk in your hotel room. The soft glow of the lamp bathed the room in a warm light as you organized your notes and sifted through the photos from today's shoot. Lando's vibrant energy leapt off the screen, each image a kaleidoscope of emotions and determination captured in still frames.
Lost in thought, you were startled by a knock on the door. Puzzled, you made your way over and peered through the peephole to see Lando standing outside, a sheepish grin on his face. And he was back in that damn outfit from before.
Despite the late hour, you couldn't suppress a smile at the sight of Lando standing at your door, his eyes alight with a mischievous glint. Opening the door, you raised an eyebrow in mock admonishment.
“Look who decided to show up. I was beginning to think you had forgotten about me,” you quipped, stepping aside to let him in.
“Never,” he replied with a grin, making himself at home in your hotel room. “Besides, I thought we could finish that interview now that I'm all fresh and ready to spill some secrets," you couldn't help but notice the way he moved with an easy familiarity, as if he had been in this space countless times before. “Oh, sorry, were you getting ready for bed?” he asked, as if only now noticing your comfortable attire, his gaze lingering on your bare legs a little longer than necessary, before innocently looking you in the eyes with a small smile.
Ignoring the flutter in your chest at his gaze, you shook your head with a chuckle.
“Not at all, I was actually working. You should see your helmet shots on a big screen. They turned out to be amazing.” you gestured as you took a seat at your laptop to show him.
Lando leaned over your shoulder, his breath warm against your neck as he peered at the screen. You couldn't help but notice the closeness between you, the shared intimacy of the moment sending a chill down your back.
“Wow, these look incredible,” Lando breathed, his voice low with awe. ”You really have an eye for capturing the moment.”
His praise sent a flush of warmth to your cheeks, a mixture of pride and something else you couldn't quite name. As you scrolled through the images together, Lando's hand brushed yours accidentally, sending a jolt of electricity through you both.
Clearing your throat and trying to ignore the nervous flutters, you turned to face him. "So, about those secrets you promised to spill..."
Lando's eyes sparkled mischievously as he settled into the armchair beside you, his gaze intense as he studied your face. For a moment, there was a weighty silence that hung between you, thick with unspoken words and unexplored emotions. You could sense a shift in the air, as if the room itself held its breath in anticipation of what he might reveal.
Finally, breaking the tension with a casual shrug, Lando chuckled softly. "Alright, alright. What do you want to know?" he asked playfully, though there was a glint of vulnerability in his eyes that you couldn't ignore.
Seeing him sit there casually in that armchair and in those sweatpants with legs spread lightly made your breath a little quicker. Taking a deep breath and clearing your throat, you busied yourself with your notebook to keep you from looking at him. “So,” you started, flipping through pages. “We have a few unanswered questions left...”
You couldn’t help but feel a rush of nerves at his intense stare, and you mechanically placed a hand on the back of your neck, stretching it out slightly. Lando's gaze followed the movement, his expression softening as he reached out to gently touch your hand, his fingers tracing delicate patterns on your skin. The simple gesture sent a shockwave of warmth through you, the soft brush of his touch awakening a hunger you tried to suppress the whole day.
“Nervous?” he asked, his tone low.
You chuckled, trying to lighten the atmosphere. “Why would I be nervous? It’s not my first time conducting an interview.”
Lando's gaze lingered on you, his eyes searching yours with a depth that made your heart race. "Maybe it's not the interview that's making you nervous," he said softly, his voice barely above a whisper. The air between you crackled with tension, the unspoken words hanging heavy in the room as he leaned closer, his breath warm against your skin.
Your mind raced with a million thoughts, emotions swirling within you as you met his gaze, feeling as though you were on the precipice of something unknown yet undeniably thrilling. In that moment, all the barriers you had carefully constructed around your heart began to crumble, revealing a vulnerability you had long kept hidden.
“I noticed the way you were looking at me out on the track today,” Lando murmured, his voice husky with unspoken desire. “It wasn't just the photographer's gaze anymore, was it?” His hand lingered on yours, a silent question hanging in the air. “Especially when you crouched down to get those low angle shots of the helmet. I could feel your eyes on me longer than necessary. You didn’t do it because you wanted to capture the shot perfectly, did you?” he continued, his gaze searching yours for any sign of confirmation. “No, you did it because you wanted to be on your knees for me, to be close to me, to feel the heat of my body as you snapped away at your camera. Admit it,” Lando's voice was a whisper, causing a flurry of emotions to swirl inside you.
His words were like a sharp blade, slicing through the air and laying bare a hidden longing that had been bubbling beneath the surface, waiting to be acknowledged. You swallowed hard, feeling the weight of what he had just said settling in the space between you.
“Even this, you inviting me into your dimly lit room—”
“I don’t like big lights,” you interjected, as you tried to regain some semblance of control over the situation.
But he continued as if you hadn't said anything. “—in your silky pajama shorts and that flimsy tank top that leaves little to the imagination,” Lando said, his voice dropping even lower as he leaned closer, his gaze smoldering.
“I was getting myself comfortable—”
“Of course, you’re smart and already have a reason for everything I point out,” Lando's gaze softened at your words, a flicker of understanding passing between you as he reached out to gently tuck a loose strand of hair behind your ear. The tenderness of his touch sent a wave of sensation to travel down your spine, reigniting the fiery connection between you. “But I am your best friend, and I know you. You can try as much as you want, but you can’t hide the truth from me,” Lando murmured, his thumb brushing lightly against your cheek as he leaned in, his lips hovering tantalizingly close to yours. “I know you inside out.”
His words hung in the air, the tension between you palpable as you both teetered on the edge of something unspoken yet undeniably present. And maybe. Maybe he was right. Intentionally or not, you did know he was coming.
In that charged moment, with your heart pounding in your chest, you made a choice. You took him by the collar of his shirt and smashed your lips together. You pulled him with such force that he stumbled forward, but he quickly found balance by taking a handful of your hair and pulling you closer, deepening the kiss with a hunger that matched your own. The kiss was electric, a surge of raw desire and pent-up emotions finally breaking free. The world around you faded away as you lost yourself in the intoxicating taste of him, the warmth of his lips searing through you like a wildfire.
Every touch, every caress, ignited a blazing need within you, a longing that had been buried for far too long. As you melted into each other, the boundaries that had kept you apart crumbled, leaving only the raw, primal connection that bound your souls together.
As the kiss broke, you both gasped for air, your foreheads resting against each other as you tried to catch your breath. Lando's eyes bore into yours, a mixture of surprise, craving, and something deeper that stirred within his gaze.
“Is this what you wanted?” you whispered, your voice barely audible in the tense stillness that enveloped you both.
“I wanted to kiss you first, but god, you’d beat me to it,” a low chuckle escaped his lips as he spoke. There was a hint of amusement in his eyes, but beneath it lay a raw vulnerability that mirrored your own. In that moment, as you gazed into each other's eyes, you knew that nothing would ever be the same between you.
You reached out to touch his face, your fingers tracing the contours of his jawline as if committing every detail to memory. The room felt as though it had shrunk, leaving just the two of you in your own intimate world where words were no longer needed.
“Then kiss me,” you breathed.
Lando's lips met yours in a frenzy of passion, each kiss deepening the connection that had ignited between you. His hands dug into your shirt, pulling you closer as if trying to erase any remaining distance between you. You responded with equal fervor, your hands tangling in his hair as you deepened the kiss, a surge of emotions overwhelming your senses.
He picked you up in his arms and carried you to the bed, laying you down gently, your laughter mingling with his in the heated moment. As he joined you on the mattress, his lips trailed down to your neck, your skin tingling at his touch, and you moaned softly as his teeth grazed your sensitive skin. A shiver ran through your entire body, and you arched into him, inviting him further.
He took the invitation, his hands exploring every inch of your body, his touch feather light at times, then rougher, aching to leave his mark upon you. Your breath caught in your throat as his fingers traveled over your chest, igniting a wave of heat inside you. Each touch left a trail of fire, intensifying the sensation.
His mouth found its way to your lips again, his tongue darting out to taste you, and you met him eagerly, your tongues twining together in a frenzied dance. The room was filled with the sound of your breaths mixing, your hearts pounding in sync, as you lost yourself in each other's embrace.
Lando's body pressed against yours, his heat searing through your clothes, making your skin feel like it was sizzling. You could feel his hardness brushing against your core, making you moan softly, yearning for more.
Your hands found their way to his back, pulling him closer, needing the intimacy that only skin-to-skin contact could provide. His mouth gently moved down the curves of your neck, leaving a tantalizing trail of kisses that sent sparks of exhilaration coursing through your body. You arched your back yet again, wanting more of his touch, more of his attention.
Slowly, he lifted your shirt, revealing your stomach, and you felt a sudden rush of heat between your legs. His eyes locked onto your bare skin, a hunger gleaming in them. You knew he was seeing all of you, every flaw and imperfection that made you, you. But he didn’t care; he wanted you just the way you were.
“You’re perfect,” he whispered, his voice barely above a whisper. You could feel the sincerity in his words, and a wave of vulnerability washed over you. This wasn’t just about the physical attraction; it was about the emotional connection you had built over time.
He kissed your stomach, his warm breath sending a shiver down your spine. You wanted him closer; you wanted to feel his skin against yours. You reached behind you and tugged off his shirt, revealing his muscular physique that you had always admired.
You pulled him closer, and he kissed you again, his hands wandering to your breasts, tracing the outline of your nipples through your pajama top. You moaned softly, arching your back, wanting more of his touch.
He took off your top, revealing your bare chest, and you shivered at the feeling of his rough hands on your skin. He kissed your torso, his tongue darting out to taste you, and you moaned softly, inviting him to explore more.
He trailed his lips down your stomach, leaving a path of wet kisses that made you tremble with longing. You could feel his breath on your thigh, and you knew what was coming. He traced the edges of your panties, his fingers teasing you, sending waves of pleasure coursing through your body.
Lando looked up at you, his eyes filled with craving. He wanted you more than anything, and you knew it. You were his, and he was yours.
You reached down and pulled off his pants–the damn pants that started all this in the first place–revealing his erection that strained against the fabric. Your fingers grazed it, and he moaned softly, his eyes locking with yours. You could see the need in him, and it made your heart race.
You pulled off his pants, revealing his naked body, and you couldn't help but admire him. He was perfect, every inch of him, and you knew that this was what you had been waiting for. This was the moment you had been dreaming of, the moment you had been yearning for.
He laid you down gently and continued to explore every inch of your body. His fingers traced the curves of your hips, your waist, your thighs, each touch setting off a firestorm of desire within you. You moaned softly, your body arching towards his, craving his touch.
He slid his fingers between your legs, teasing your most sensitive spot, sending waves of delight coursing through you. You gasped, your breaths becoming shallow as you struggled to control the growing want inside of you.
Lando's eyes locked with yours, a mixture of lust and tenderness shining in them. He leaned down and whispered in your ear, his breath warm and sensual, “You are never to interview any other driver, you hear? You are mine. My best friend, my reporter.”
You laughed softly, the sound mingling with his as he skillfully used his hands to bring you to satisfaction. "I don't know, Lando. What if my boss wants me to do another story? What will I say then?"
“Then you do it somewhere I can see you. And you wrap it up, no inviting other drivers into your hotel room cause look what happens,” he quipped, his fingers moving faster, sending shivers throughout your body.
You gasped for air, your body trembling as you felt the waves of pleasure building up within you. You knew that you were close, that you couldn't hold back any longer. “Lando, please,” you begged, your body aching for release.
Lando's eyes met yours, a fierce intensity in his gaze. He knew what you needed, and he was more than willing to give it to you. With a sudden, forceful thrust, he entered you, filling you completely, sending a shockwave of pleasure through your entire body.
You cried out, your breath hitching as each thrust sent you higher and higher. Lando's pace quickened, his body slamming against yours, each movement a testament of his want for you. The room was filled with the sounds of your intertwined bodies, your hearts beating in sync, lost in the moment.
“You feel so good,” Lando panted, his voice low and rough. He reached up, his hands tugging at your hair, pulling your lips to his in a searing kiss. His tongue plunged into your mouth, tasting you, possessing you.
You wrapped your legs around him, your nails digging into his back, pulling him closer, needing him deeper. Your body ached for more, craving the release that only he could give you.
Lando's thrusts became more insistent, his hips pistoning against yours, each movement driving you closer to the edge. Your breath came in short gasps, your heart pounding in your chest as the ecstasy built up inside you. You could feel the heat coursing through your veins, the desire consuming you.
“Lando, oh god, I'm so close,” you whispered, your voice trembling with need. Lando responded by increasing his pace, his body slamming into yours, each thrust sending overwhelming bliss throughout your entire body.
You felt the familiar sensation building up within you, the pressure rising, the heat spreading. You knew what was coming, and you welcomed it with open arms. With a loud cry, you arched your back, your body trembling as the wave of pleasure crashed over you, engulfing you completely. Lando's body followed suit, his thrusts becoming erratic, his voice hoarse as he emptied himself within you, crying out your name.
Your bodies collapsed onto each other, panting heavily, your skin glistening with sweat. You didn't know how long you lay there, lost in each other's embrace, but the moment felt timeless.
You glanced at him, only to see him sound asleep with a contented smile on his face. You couldn't help but run your fingers lightly through his hair, feeling the warmth of his body and the weight of his head on your chest. But you still had the article to finish and the call from your editor to make.
You gently extracted yourself from his embrace, feeling the cool air on your skin as your body adjusted back to reality. With a tender kiss on his forehead, you whispered, “I'll be right back,” feeling a sense of contentment and a touch of guilt at leaving him there.
You put on a robe and sat down at your desk, using the warm glow of the computer screen to illuminate your face as you typed away, every word bringing you closer to finishing the article. Although he owed some questions to the world, as his best friend you already knew the answers to almost every one. Remembering his words from earlier, you took it to your advantage to finish the article.
As you worked, the memories of the night still fresh in your mind, you couldn't help but recall the way Lando's hands felt on your body, the way his breath grazed your skin, the way his voice whispered husky promises in your ear. It made it hard to concentrate, but you knew you had to be professional.
With the piece finally done, you sent it to your editor, knowing that you had captured the essence of Lando's journey and the excitement surrounding his career. You knew that this was just the beginning of many great things for him, and you couldn't be more proud to have witnessed it firsthand, as his best friend, reporter and maybe something more in the future.
#lando norris x reader#lando norris x you#lando norris x y/n#lando norris x oc#lando norris x female reader#lando norris#lando norris imagine#lando norris fanfic#lando norris one shot#lando norris smut#ln4#ln4 x reader#ln4 imagine#ln4 fic#ln4 x you#ln4 x y/n#ln4 smut#f1 x reader#f1 x you#f1 x y/n#f1 x female reader#f1 fic#f1 fanfic#f1 smut#f1 imagine#formula 1 fanfic#formula 1 x reader#formula 1 imagine#formula 1 x you#formula 1 fic
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My Secret Desire | AESPA Winter x Male Reader
AESPA Winter x Male Reader (POV)
Y/N is an abroad student from Europe. When he realizes he has feelings for his bully, Minjeong, their love-hate relationship made them push each others limits.
I will be releasing it in chapters. If you guys like it, i will make it as long as possible. And also I can take requests! Enjoy your reading.
The Exchange Student
It was always hard for me to go to school in the mornings. There were multiple reasons but the main one was my bully. Minjeong. But everybody was calling her Winter. Because she was stone cold, rude. Her attitude has a certain charm, I’m not going to lie. I guess this was the main reason I took the bullying for so long. I may be an exchange student but, i wasn’t really the type you expect to get bullied. After all, she was literally pocket size. I even can call her efforts cute. It was like taking a beating from a two year old. But little did I know that this cat has very sharp claws.
I had classes three days a week. So does she. She was not the brightest student, but she was always on time to classes. I don’t remember a single one that she missed. I, on the other hand, was pretty good at my grades and I knew my way around nearly all of the subjects. But still, she found something to make fun of me. But mainly me being a westerner. As time passed by, I get used to her attitude towards me. At some point I was addicted to her verbal abuse. She mocks my accent, my eating habits, the way I study. Everything. This toxic relationship started to grew inside me. It was just like I had found the motivation I needed to stop thinking about the choices I made with my life. And I was still getting pretty annoyed at some things she does but, overall, I started to fell for her.
Like I said, waking up in the morning always made me think about my choices. What the fuck I was doing in Korea tho? But I always ended up looking at myself at the mirror. Although my self-esteem was at its lowest, I was surprisingly pretty egoistic. Don’t ask me how that is possible. I don’t know either. Just like one of those mornings, I come to school, grab myself a freshly brewed americano and when I was on my way to the class, I saw Minjeong coming towards me. “Hi” she said with a soft, nice voice. Something I did not heard from her before. She got me. “Hi” I said back. “Look” she started to talk. I was nervous. Why I was nervous? “I’m so sorry for all my attitude towards you.” I was shocked. Did she just.. apologized to me? “Don’t worry about it. We’re adults after all, In fact I was starting to like it.” I answered. “Ha” she smirked at me. But that smirk was too evil and too inviting. She was fucking me up. Making me stand for everything I hated before. “So, can we just talk over there?” she said to me. I accepted. We started walking together.
After a little walk, we sat at a bench looking towards our building. She took my cofee off my hand and started drinking it. “Sorry, I’m so nervous.” She said. “I was probably never should have bullied you from the start.” She looked at me. Her face was to innocent to be guilty. But she was. I knew that but still, wanted to hear the rest. “Do you need something?” I asked. “How did you knew?” she answered back. “My father says If I don’t pass my classes this year It will be over for me.” “What will be over?” I answered. “School.” She said. “He says he will remove me from the school.” She put the coffee to the side. Something was seriously off. I could feel it. But I agreed to help anyway. She was so happy when I agreed to help her. Some of it felt insanely real. Was it real?
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Astrology Observations VI
All pictures were found on Pinterest
Other posts you could like:
જ⁀➴ Boda Persona Chart Analysis I
જ⁀➴ Astrology Observation: Synastry & Composite with In-Laws pt.1
જ⁀➴ How to know when you will get married?
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❀˖° Having a 12H Sun in Solar Return Chart is not for the weak. Your life could "fall apart" during this time, you can have a spiritual awakening, a very hard time in fact. I also noticed it can also mean (doesn’t need to be that, it CAN mean) one of your loved one can pass away unfortunately. It happened to me and a lot of people who also had their sun in their 12h, but not all of them! Usually, you have a hard time in general. But you’ll be fine, it is meant to happen for a reason.
❀˖° Synastry aspects are good to look at but the houses where the aspects fall is very important!! Sun conjunct Moon will have a different meaning where it falls.
❀˖° 7H synastry can mean a wonderful connection and desires to marry. BUT! The 7H can also be the house of enemies, so not everyone’s sun falling in your 7H means you have a good connection with them! I found myself not enjoying most of the people who’s sun fell in my 7H…
❀˖° Underrated Houses in Synastry: 2H, 4H, 6H, 10H.
❀˖° When looking at your Solar Return Chart, check the Synastry it has with your Natal Chart. It will tell you where those placements are felt within you. For example, my SRC’s Sun is in 12H and fall in my 10H this year. I’m having a lot of mental breakdown when it comes to my career, and since it conjuncts a big stellium of mine in my Natal, I just feel like my whole world is falling apart 🥲
❀˖° Please remember: North Node PC will tell you about your Soul purpose WHILE your MC will tell you about your career that is best suit for you. Your NN will never tell you about your career!!
❀˖° Union in your SRC could be the person you will meet this year that will have the strongest influence for you this year.
❀˖° 10H will tell you where your FS was born... ☺️
❀˖° 4H Sun people love to stay at home! Even if they are on a date, they will try to continue the date at home, because this is where they feel the most comfortable.
❀˖° Sun conjunct Mercury in a MC PC is a huge indicator of using communication daily to work, your tool n°1 is your voice!
❀˖° Aquarius Sun 4H are so private!! Aquarius usually are quite private people because they enjoy being mysterious and controlling what people think of them, they like that people don't understand them. But in 4H??? they will lie for the sake of their privacy.
❀˖° Opposite signs aren't that different in the end, they are very similar in fact. Capricorn & Cancer are both very family oriented for example. One is logical minded while the other is more feeling driven.
❀˖° Scorpio Rising have something so intense in their gaze, it's truly something you can't put words on. But once you see this gaze, you know.
❀˖° Chiron in 9H Synastry could be that you think you are too different because of the culture, the language, the beliefs, etc. BUT! If you are from the same place, it can just mean you don't understand each other, you are just basically too different.
❀˖° My step mother and I hated each other, and she had her Moon and Mercury in my 7H. Yep, she hated me. She was often insulting me or even trying to manipulate me with words.
❀˖° Saturn 7H Synastry can mean Saturn person feel like it will never work out between you two. But it could also mean they see you long term, depending of other placements.
❀˖° Sun in 5H Synastry usually means the person really enjoy your presence and think you are fun!
❀˖° Venus 6H Synastry means the Venus Person feels safe around you.
❀˖° You can tell by doing a Synastry with a Celebrity if you can hope to meet them one day. Usually Saturn in 9H or 1H is a sign you will never meet them. Of course, this is just an observation.
❀˖° I checked my Synastry with my first love, and it explained a lot. I have a stellium in his 7H, and of course, he was my first love.
❀˖° But I never expected to got his Venus in my 5H! I never knew if he had a crush on me too or if I was delusional lol.
❀˖° His Sun conjuncted my Neptune, he misunderstood me most of the time. He was seeing me in a way that was so untrue lol.
❀˖° He also had his Sun 1H, he was soooo popular among girls! Any girls from middle school had a huge crush on him at some point.
❀˖° He also had a stellium in my 4H and we were childhood friends.
❀˖° My sun conjuncted his Moon. Now, I had nothing against him, I thought he was funny. But he was indeed seeing me in a light that wasn't me.
❀˖° My Venus conjuncted his Vertex, I suddenly fell for him, and it must have been fated in a way?
❀˖° Though, his Mars fell in my 1H... man thought I was very good looking (he told lmao).
❀˖° Sagittarius Rising in Composite could indicate a mixed couple, but it can also mean you are so different no one expected you two to be together.
❀˖° Union 9H in Composite could mean you met in a foreign country, but also in school!
❀˖° Sun in 11H Composite means you are friends originally. Or just friends lol.
❀˖° Ceres 7H Composite could mean you care a lot about each other.
❀˖° Venus in 7H or conjuncting DSC Composite means one of you or both of you desire to marry each other.
❀˖° Pluto 12H to me is not that good usually. Anytime I saw this placement in Composite, the couple or the people never stayed together. It always ends. There can be exceptions of course.
❀˖° Saturn 5H in a romantic Composite means you will most likely never date, there could be obstacles in this union.
❀˖° Mercury conjunct Saturn Composite means misunderstandings and miscommunication.
❀˖° The year I had this first love, I had a 5H stellium in my SRC, and this stellium fell in my Natal 9H! It was indeed a school love lol.
❀˖° I also had Venus conjunct Vertex, it was my first time falling for anyone.
❀˖° The year I told him my feeling and got rejected I had Venus conjunct Mercury in 12H!
❀˖° Juno 12H in SRC could mean you have a secret crush!
❀˖° Sun conjunct Juno Solar Return Synastry is a big indicator of having a crush on the Sun person.
❀˖° Juno/ Mars/ Neptune in 1H Synastry Solar Return is an indicators of finding 1H person veryyyy attractive, it can be love at first sight, but it is def a crush!
❀˖° Transits Moon conjunct your Natal Mars will make your emotions boil lol. You could complain a lot or have a lot of negative emotions such as anger, jealousy, etc.
❀˖° Union asteroid conjunct Part of Fortune Synastry is a sign you were meant to meet in order to bless each other. It's a lucky meeting. It is very good and shows that you will do well in each other's life.
❀˖° My FS is a Pisces Venus 4H and he is the softest!! Just very cute and very soft person... I love him very much lol.
❀˖° He also has Neptune 3H, he tends to lie to protect himself (Sun 4H makes this effect too), but he is also a very good poet writer. He wrote me poems before and I believe he would do well for poetry writing in general.
❀˖° Pluto 1H could be a sign you will experience a drastic change in your appearance some day. If Jupiter is also there, it could indicate a big and major glow up.
❀˖° Juno 12H could mean your FS is a soul connection, someone who could be spiritual and awaken. If it is very close to the Rising, or conjunct 1H, OR in 1H, it could mean you'll probably have love at first sight for them.
❀˖° Chiron Virgo/ 6H/ Capricorn/ 10H could indicate a burn out at some point in your life.
❀˖° North Node conjunct Pluto could mean your purpose in your life will transform you deeply, mostly if it is in the 1H. You will live a drastic change in your life.
❀˖° Sun conjunct Mercury 1H in Solar Return Chart means you could think a lot about you this year, and think about your choices, and how it will play out for you. You will do more "selfish" choices because you want to make the best for you.
❀˖° Do I love stalking people I love or do I just have some heavy Scorpio/ 8H placements?
❀˖° Yeah indeed, Scorpio love stalking, but Gemini love that too!
❀˖° I have Gemini Moon 8H... u get it? lol
❀˖° It is a known thing, but in SRC, 4H's ruler in 9H means moving abroad! Another indication could be a stellium in 9H. But the stellium could also mean coming back to school, so it depends.
❀˖° SRC 4H Ruler in 12H could mean the same thing. It could simply be moving out.
❀˖° Speaking of the 12H in SRC, Pluto & Venus there could be end of a relationship BUT it could also be a spiritual love and you will learn lessons because of it.
❀˖° SRC 7H ruler in 1H could mean being in a relationships and it being part of who you are this year. Or you could appear as very romantic, very loyal too. Could also attract more contracts.
❀˖° Mars 7H in SRC could be an indicator you have a fight with the one you love, more if Venus squares/ quincunx/ opposite it. If you are single, it could show also more motivation towards long term connections.
❀˖° SRC 5H ruler being in the 7H could mean being in a long term relationship but also finding the one you want to marry.
❀˖° Once again, SRC Juno conjunct Chiron could mean you will suffer in love but it is indeed for healing.
Thank you for reading!
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#astrology#astro#love astrology#astro observations#astrology observations#astro community#astro notes#astroblr#astrology community#astrology notes#astro placements#solar return#persona charts#synastry#composite
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Real Talk.
Hi. I wish I had good news, but I don't. This is going to get very venty and probably triggering, so I apologize in advance, but I don't want to just vanish.
I've made the decision to private pretty much everything on my account here on tumblr, and I am heavily fighting the urge to delete everything off of my AO3. I realize that I'm sort of self destructing, in a way, and I'm trying very hard not to just toss everything into the void lest I come to regret it later, but here we are.
Things in my IRL have not been great, and they haven't been good for a long while. I started up this blog a little over a year ago at the crux of my depression, fighting off extreme suicidal ideation and untreated PTSD. On top of that, I had to support my mother through marrying her abuser and watching her slowly lose herself while I helped assisted in taking care of my kid brother, and helped my other brothers through their battles with addiction. Like everyone else in the world, I've had a lot on my plate. So much so to the point that my anxiety and stress is making me sick.
For the first time in a very long time, I had picked up writing again and found it to be a wonderful outlet to really get my feelings out in a safe way. It was so freeing being able to be in control of everything, and explore the very real and scary emotions that people have otherwise wanted me to snuff out. I wish I could snuff it out. I have had no choice but to feel everything I wish I could run away from, but at least this way I was the one dictating everything. Even through the pain and the last few months of pure disassociation, this was mine.
Now, I hate it. I hate it all. I can hardly stand looking at these stories or anything I write.
I am not going to share names; and please do not go looking for this person or harass them as I'd quite frankly rather kill myself than have another glimimp situation and would probably just actually delete all my works; but something that really kicked this up was someone plagiarizing one of my works. While not exactly copy and pasted, I could compare pretty much every line they wrote to my own work. I do not mind people taking inspiration from my works, but the fact someone took it upon themselves to essentially create a "fix-it-fic" of my work was honestly the last straw for me, I think. And to just regurgitate half of what I had written like some high schooler summarizing a story?
"Kore, did you try talking to them?" The idea of confrontation actually makes me want to throw up and considering the actual issues I have going on in my real life, I don't see how it's worth getting up in arms over fanfiction. Believe it or not, I'm not really good with words, and I end up making a fool of myself and coming off way different than I intend to half the time (blame the autism I guess). And I know for a fact that it won't change the fact that I still hate it. My works. Everything I write. I want it gone. I want to purge it.
I hate The Prowl and TMTIV. I can't see myself writing for them anymore. I've tried. I had to force out the last chapter of The Prowl only to just not even be able to edit it. (Yeah when that anon sent me that ask about The Prowl? "When are you updating it next?" I literally had the rough draft finished when they sent that and was trying to edit it, and now I don't even want to look at it anymore).
And this sucks because I really do enjoy sharing my stories with you guys, but it's just not fun anymore. And if it's not fun, then why do I keep doing it? And I feel bad, especially to my patreon supporters because I definitely didn't deserve the support when I started that up, and I certainly don't deserve it anymore, but I really need to step away. For a good, long while.
I don't like dealing in certainties, which is why I'm privating everything on here rather than deleting my blog, because maybe one day I'll come back and continue. But right now it's really not healthy for me. This place has grown to become so toxic. I think I'll start focusing on original works instead. Ones I may or may not post to Patreon just... depending, I guess. Writing is still so lovely and I don't want to lose it, but I certainly can't keep it here for now.
I want to apologize to my followers, and my mutals. I cherish every kind message you all have sent to me. I appreciate how considerate you all are, and I'm sorry I don't have the energy to respond half the time. I've deleted tumblr off of my phone, so to the mutuals who want to keep in contact with me, feel free to ask for my discord or something. I'll try to get on to check tumblr every now and then for that.
In the end, I really hope this is just me having some stupid mental breakdown, and that this isn't a forever goodbye, but we'll see.
I'll hopefully be back someday (: if not, I'm sorry and I still love you.
#tw: suicide#tw: mental health#tw: abuse#a part of me is kind of hoping to just fade away at this point#sorry guys
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Smoke and Shadow
part two
pairing: Zuko x Princess!reader
notes: final part is here! hope you guys enjoy and thank you for being patient as always
summary: the group is one step closer to finding the missing children and Azula, but that doesn’t mean all of their problems will be solved
~ part of the fire lilies series ~
“We decided to do some investigating after Zuko kicked Aang out of the throne room,” Suki explains to you as your trio runs after the Avatar and Fire Lord. “We wanted to see if there were any clues left behind from Kiyi’s kidnapping or Azula’s Kemurikage attack on the palace last night.”
“And even though we couldn’t find anything, I realized there was something fishy about the way she was able to escape so quickly!” Ty Lee adds with a keen smile. “When we used to play hide-and-seek as kids, she’d always manage to win by hiding in this secret passage way tucked into the palace walls. It must be how the Kemurikage were able to escape so quickly.”
“Good thinking, Ty Lee. Although, I still can’t believe she kidnapped her own sister,” you note with a disgruntled shake of your head. “That’s low even for her.”
“This is Azula we’re talking about,” Suki reminds you, and that in itself is enough of an explanation for her behavior.
You finally skid to a stop after reaching the palace rooftops where Aang and Zuko land. The Avatar carelessly drops your boyfriend on the tile, and you wince on his behalf before offering Zuko your hand to help him back up onto his feet.
“Did you have fun?” You ask with a teasing smile only for the Fire Lord to scowl.
“Don’t ever do that again!” He scolds Aang whilst dusting off his robes.
“Okay, okay, but look!” the boy insists before pressing down on a loose brick that opens up a hidden doorway.
“A secret passageway! So you think this is how Azula and the other Kemurikage escape? How did you figure this out?”
“They searched for clues after you kicked them out of the throne room,” you tell him with a pointed look that has him shrinking guiltily under your gaze. “I think you owe Aang an apology.”
“You’re right,” he murmurs sheepishly. “I’m sorry, I should have been more open to your ideas.”
“Apology accepted!” Aang chirps happily. “Now what’s our next move?”
“Well… Kiyi could be on the other side.”
“Tom-Tom, too. I’m coming along,” Mai interjects firmly, seemingly forgetting Kei Lo’s presence until he corrects her statement with a “We’re coming along.”
Zuko instructs Suki and Ty Lee to stay back and guard the palace, so you bid your friends goodbye before beginning your descent into the narrow passageway. The hallway is cold and claustrophobic, but Aang and Zuko lead the way with their fire bending, cautioning you to watch your step behind them.
You’re quiet for the most part, mulling over your thoughts and insecurities now that you’re given a moment’s silence to think. You’re still feeling a bit insecure about walking in on him with Mai and about his animosity towards Kei Lo, but you haven’t had the chance to talk to him yet. The long distance has been hard on your relationship, and sometimes it’s hard to keep consistent communication when both of you have duties to tend to and entire nations to run, but you never thought it would be a problem. Now, you’re not so sure.
You recall what Azula had told you during your time in the Forgetful Valley, how you and Zuko were an “unnatural” pair that would never work. You hate to admit it or even think it, but what if she’s right? What if you’re just kidding yourself? Maybe Mai really has been the right girl for him all along. After all, she is Fire Nation, and she certainly is more qualified to be dating the Fire Lord than you are. You wish Suki were here to talk to, surely she’d know just what to say and could stop you from spiraling like you are now, but without her it seems it’s just you and your thoughts for now.
“Hey, I didn’t get to introduce myself earlier,” a voice says, pulling you out of your thoughts. “I’m Kei Lo, Mai’s boyfriend.”
“Yes, I’m sorry, everything’s just been so chaotic. I’m y/n, Zuko’s girlfriend.”
“That’s right, Mai told me. Say, aren’t you a Chief? Should I be calling you Chief y/n instead?”
“Just y/n is perfectly fine,” you correct him with an awkward laugh. Unbeknownst to you, Zuko is listening in on every word. He doesn’t trust Kei Lo, not one bit, and he doesn’t want him roping you into any trouble. He doesn’t care if he really isn’t in cahoots with the Safe Nation Society, if Kei Lo so much as looks at you in a way Zuko doesn’t like he’ll be tossed into a cell immediately.
“So how’s a Chief of a water tribe end up dating the Fire Lord?” He asks with a laugh.
“It’s a very long story.”
“Please spare me the details,” Mai says with a roll of her eyes.
“Yeah, it may not be the best time for that story,” you note with an apprehensive smile.
“You’re probably right. Still, it’s a pretty awkward situation we’ve all found ourselves in.”
“You can say that again.”
After some time group is finally able to reach the end of the passageway, and the only thing standing in your way from the other side is a solid wooden door.
“This must be it,” Zuko announces hopefully. “Behind this door could be Kiyi and Tom-Tom.”
“And Azula,” Aang adds apprehensively before helping the Fire Lord push the heavy wood open. The creak of the old hinges is deafening, echoing in the silent hallway, and you watch with bated breath as the light from the other side slowly begins to seep in. Carefully, you follow the two out the door only to be met with a disappointing site.
There are no missing children and there is no Azula. Instead, you’re faced with a gloomy and desolate graveyard.
“What is this place?” You murmur in awe, your eyes scanning across the expanse of withered headstones. You’ve never seen anything like it.
“I’ve been here before,” Zuko notes thoughtfully, “this is the royal family graveyard.”
“I thought that’s what the Dragonstone catacombs were for,” Aang questions with furrowed brows.
“No, the catacombs are only for Fire Lords. This place is for everyone else. It’s called the Garden of Tranquil Souls.”
“Really? Well, I hate to break it to you, Zuko, but…” the Avatar begins uneasily, and you follow his shifting gaze towards the clouds of smoke that begin to surround the graveyard. Taking a step back, you reach to unclip your water pouch as the dark figures begin to close in on your group. “The souls here don’t seem all that tranquil!”
The group of Kemurikage don’t hesitate to attack, and immediately your group is split apart as you all begin to defend yourselves against their assault. Blasts of fire are shot your way left and right, but you’re able to deflect it every time with your water bending. You manage to take down two of the spirits by encasing them up to their necks in ice, but your progress only seems to make a dent in their ambush. Zuko and Aang are still corned back to back, and Azula has managed to single out Mai and Kei Lo. She holds the boy by the collar of his shirt, eyes full of malice and hand ready to strike him with her blue flames despite Mai’s pleas for her to leave her boyfriend alone.
Before she can harm him, you send a blast of water towards her with an effortful grunt that shoots her across the graveyard and into one of the pillars. The impact is forceful enough to put a crack in the tombstone and disorient Azula momentarily to allow Kei Lo and Mai the chance to escape.
“Are you alright?” You ask him after rushing towards the couple. Mai helps him to his feet before looking to you, her eyes full of gratitude and sincerity.
“Thank you,” she says earnestly, and you give her an appreciative nod in return.
Rising from the ground with a grunt of pain, Azula is filled with rage at your assault on her. How dare you think you can beat her at her own game?
“Helping out your competition? That’s pathetic even for you, dearest,” she insults, irises aflame with fury. “Perhaps you and Zuko are more compatible than I thought.”
“What’s pathetic is the fact that you’re still obsessed with becoming Fire Lord,” you spit back, water cloaking your arms to form tentacle-like limbs for attack.
“Oh, I’m much past that now. I have a new mission,” she notes airily with a passive wave of her hand. Her eyes harden suddenly then and electricity begins to spread across her fingertips. “One that simply won’t work with you in the picture.”
Before she can raise her hands to strike you with her lightening blast, Zuko is quick to send a hail of flames her way to distract her. “Leave her out of this! It’s me you want!”
“Oh, Zuzu, always so dramatic,” she mocks before creating a cloud of smoke to cover her as she runs away.
“You have to go after her!” You exclaim urgently. “I’ll stay back and help Aang handle the rest of the Kemurikage.”
After ensuring you’ll be fine without him, Zuko gives you one final nod before chasing after his sister. You, on the other hand, rush back towards Aang to see if he needs any help. However, it seems he’s been able to manage the assailants just fine on his own.
“Princess! Where’d everybody go?” He asks, perplexed at the sudden disappearance of your group.
“Zuko went after Azula. I’m not sure where Mai and Kei Lo are,” you note as you scan the garden for any sign of them. “What do we do now? We still haven’t found the missing children.”
As if on cue, a shrill voice coming from the passageway calls out for help. You exchange an alarmed glance with Aang before immediately sprinting back into the doorway. A breath of relief leaves you at the sight of Mai’s father with the children in tow, but your ease is short lived at the sight of the two Kemurikage that hold them captive.
“Look!” One of the kids exclaims. “It’s the Avatar and Chief y/n!”
“Hi kids, we’ve been looking all over for you!” Aang says with an overjoyed wave.
“Are you guys alright?!” You call out protectively. “Is anyone hurt?”
“We’re great!” Kiyi calls back prompting you to let out a relieved laugh. You’re so happy to see her and see that she’s okay, but your joyous reunion is quickly cut short by the two spirits who begin to approach the two of you with whips of fire.
“Hang on, kids!” You tell them before beginning to take on the Kemurikage. There’s two of them, so you and Aang each take on one. They’re powerful fighters, but the safety of the children is on the line, so you use all of your might to fight them off as best as you can.
You counter their whip with one of your own, slicing through their weapon each time before it can strike you. While one of your hands controls the water whip, the other sends constant shards of ice hurtling toward the cloaked woman. You can tell she’s beginning to tire, your attacks too much for her to keep up with, but you’re too focused to notice the second figure approaching closely behind you. The Kemurikage’s whip is raised to strike you in the back, but their attack is halted by the blade that slices through the air and pins their hand against the wall.
“What-!” You exhale in surprise, turning just in time to see Mai swoop in and finish the job. The last two spirits have been apprehended, and you’ve been spared a wound that surely could have been fatal.
“Someone had to watch your back,” Mai explains with a faint smile. “You had ours.”
“Thank you,” you utter with a breathless grin. It feels nice to not hate each other for once, and you actually seem to work quite well together.
“Y/n! Y/n!” A voice calls, stealing your attention away from the girl and back to the children. Kiyi sprints towards you with a gleeful smile, and you’re quick to scoop her up into your arms and give her the tightest hug. “You came back!”
“I promised, didn’t I?” You say with a playful smile, carefully pushing back the hair from her face. “I’m so relieved to see you’re okay, and I know Zuko will be too.”
“Guess what? I’m a fire bender now!” She boasts proudly. “I burned a hole through the door so we could escape!”
“That’s incredible!” You praise with a laugh. “Wait until your brother hears this.”
Across the way, Mai cradles her little brother in her arms and watches you speak animatedly with Zuko’s sister. Your interest in Kiyi’s story is completely genuine, and she can see just how much the girl values your opinion. It’s so different from the way Azula used to talk about you, speaking poorly of your character and diminishing you to nothing but a weak Princess. Maybe Mai had judged you too harshly. After all, she might not have been able to get her brother back without your help.
“Thank you again for your help,” she tells you after setting Tom-Tom down to allow him to bid his goodbyes to his new friends. “I was wrong about you, and I shouldn’t have let my resentment cloud my judgement the way I did. I guess I really don’t hate you as much as I thought I did.”
“I appreciate you saying that,” you express with a careful smile. Perhaps things will always be awkward between the two of you, but this is at least a good start.
After making sure all of the children are accounted for, your group exits the passageway just as Zuko emerges from one of the mausoleums. Kiyi is quick to sprint towards her brother, and you watch on with a smile at the way his eyes seem to light up while hugging her close.
“Kiyi! I can’t tell you how worried I was about you.”
“I wasn’t worried at all!” She notes with a grateful smile. “You should’ve seen it, Zuzu! Y/n helped the Avatar take those nasty ladies down!”
“She did, did she?” He asks playfully, glancing over to you with a grateful smile. You simply give him a sheepish shrug in return. “I’ll have to be sure to give her my thanks.”
“And Azula?” You ask him, but his solemn gaze is enough of an answer. “She said she had a new mission, did she tell you what it was?”
“She wasn’t interested in becoming Fire Lord, she was interested in turning me into the type of Fire Lord she would be. The type that rules with fear, ruthlessness. Just like my father. Azula says I can’t escape who I am, and it will only be a matter of time before I’m just like her.”
“You don’t believe that, do you? You’re nothing like Azula,” you say earnestly. “You never will be.”
“I know,” Zuko murmurs softly, but you can see the slightest bit of doubt in his eyes and it saddens to you to know he doesn’t fully believe it to be true. “But either way she escaped. I don’t know where she is or when she’ll return.”
“We’ll be there to help you if she does come back, buddy,” Aang consoles with a comforting hand on the Fire Lord’s shoulder. “For now, let’s just focus on returning these kids back to their families.”
“Good point, Aang. Now,” you say, looking to the children who stare up at you with tired eyes that immediately brighten when you ask, “who’s ready to go home?”
~~~
Peace has been restored in the Fire Nation; the children have been returned safely to their parents, and Zuko has earned the forgiveness of his people for his mishandling of the situation. Everything is almost perfect.
You lean against the balcony of your room for the night and stare up contemplatively at the moon. Yue shines beautifully as always, and you find comfort in her light as you battle against the darkness clouding your thoughts. Your doubts about your relationship still rage on, and you haven’t been able to fight them off no matter how hard you try. You haven’t mentioned anything to Zuko, not wanting to distract him from his duty to his people, but the suffering in silence act you’ve been pulling all day hasn’t been helping your state of mind. Suki had urged you to talk to him, stating you had nothing to worry about because she’s seen firsthand how much he misses you when you’re away, but you were too anxious to follow through. What if you won’t like what you hear when you finally speak to Zuko?
You’re too engrossed in your thoughts to hear your door open or the quiet footsteps that head towards you, and it isn’t until he’s right beside you that you finally feel the familiar warmth that constantly emanates from his body. You don’t have to look to know that it’s Zuko.
“Suki said I should come to talk to you,” he says softly, golden eyes looking to you inquisitively. “Is everything alright?”
“I… I’m not sure,” you admit quietly, nervously fidgeting with your fingers and refusing to meet his gaze.
“What is it?”
His hand sneaks its way in between your own to halt your fidgeting and reassure that he’s right there with you and ready to listen to whatever it is you have to say. Sighing, you finally look to him with uncertainty swimming in your eyes.
“Do you have feelings for Mai?”
He’s stunned to stay the least, eyes widening slightly in surprise at your question. It’s certainly the last thing he expected you to ask him.
“Is this what you were trying to talk to me about earlier?” He presses gently, frowning at the way you slowly nod your head. “I see…”
“Just be honest with me, Zuko,” you plead desperately. “We promised we’d never keep secret from each other anymore, so if there’s something to tell then tell me. I can handle it.”
“I can’t stand here and tell you that it didn’t look bad when you walked in on Mai and I,” Zuko admits with a sigh. “But I can tell you that nothing was going on.”
“I heard you say you care about her.”
“It was out of context. I was trying to make things right for the sake of finding the children- she was obviously still upset over what went down between us, and I was trying to keep the peace so that we could work together to find our siblings. I’ve known her since we were kids, and if it weren’t for her I never would have been able to escape Boiling Rock and come back to you. So in a way I guess I do care for her, but it’s nothing compared to how much I care for you.”
“What about your animosity towards Kei Lo? You seemed… jealous of him.”
“I wasn’t jealous, I just didn’t trust him. I still don’t,” Zuko says adamantly. “I wasn’t exactly thrilled about having to release him because I didn’t want him to try and pull anything. I didn’t want Mai getting hurt, and I especially didn’t want him putting you in any danger.”
“So… so you don’t have feelings for her?” You ask meekly, the slightest bit of doubt still present in your voice.
“I’ve never had feelings for her,” Zuko says earnestly before gently taking your hands in his own. “You’re the only girl for me, y/n. I was stupid enough to let you go once, but I’m never making that mistake again.”
You can’t help but smile at his admission, tears beginning to well in your eyes as you throw your arms around him in a tight embrace that he immediately returns. It feels like a weight has finally been lifted off your shoulders, and all the worry and self doubt you had is finally beginning to melt away.
“I never want you to feel doubtful or insecure about our relationship ever again. I’m going to do everything in my power to do better,” he professes earnestly. “I love you more than you know, and you don’t ever have to worry about someone coming between us again.”
“I love you, Zuko.”
He pulls you in for a kiss, and with the moonlight shining down upon you both, everything is almost perfect.
For neither of you notice the pair of golden eyes that stare down at you from the rooftops with disdain and disgust before disappearing into the shadows.
“Pathetic.”
| atla tags: @sirkekselord @niktwazny303
| zuko tags: @thebluelcdy @royahllty @the-firebender-girl @ilovespideyyy @yiyibetch @eridanuswave @lammello @a-monsters-love @knaite-solo @taeeemin
| fire lilies tags: @emberislandplayers @kikaninchen-2 @music-geek19 @thia-aep @thyunnamed @haylaansmi @nataliahaslosthershit @idkdude776 @aangsupremacy @thirstyforsometea @ihaveaproblem98 @brown-eyed-thang @xapham @misnmatchedsox @chewymoustachio @that-bucket-hat-gal @chilifrylizard2 @kyomihann @kaylove12 @kiwihoee @freggietale @moon-spirit-yue @bubblegum-bee-otch
#fire lilies#atla#zuko#zuko x reader#zuko imagine#prince zuko#prince zuko x reader#prince zuko imagine#atla x reader#atla imagine#avatar the last airbender
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hey friends, wanted to put some words out in the universe that sometimes i need to hear myself
you aren’t gross for liking something that most people consider “gross” or “weird”. it is okay to enjoy things that other people don’t understand, even things people reflexively make fun of. as long as you are being as hygenic as possible, cleaning up after yourself and not doing anything to risk your health, making sure to take breaks from it and stay hydrated between holds, and making sure to never include non-consenting parties in your kinky shenanigans – you’re fine.
if you’ve had to hide your interests from partners out of fear, awkwardly deflect conversations with friends, or heard people you look up to make off-handed remarks – you’re not alone.
no one fully 100% understands where kinks come from, but what we do know is we don’t choose which ones we get, and as long as all parties involved are consenting, happy and healthy: you aren’t doing anything wrong.
please don’t hate yourself over the things you love. be kind to yourself, even when other people aren’t. yes I’m getting sappy on my pee blog, because being “weird” can be really hard on the old mental health at times and i hope all of y’all don’t think any less of yourselves because of this stuff. peace out 💛
#omorashi#mine#inspired partially by last anon + lingering thoughts esp lately#i dont see people talk about it much since we’ve cultivated such a safe community here it goes without saying#but sometimes you need to really see those words to believe them#i also desperately wanted to make a pee pun at the end there but just couldn’t make it work
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— 𝐬𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐭
✧·˚swimming lessons from isaac can be a bit chaotic
“you have to trust me if you’re going to actually do this.” isaac smirks as he stands waist deep in the pool water, holding an outstretched hand to you as you cling to the safety railing on the steps.
“i do trust you, i just don’t trust the water.” you squeeze your eyes shut as you take another step deeper into the water, still white knuckling the railing.
isaac can’t help but bite back a smile at your cautious form, you just looked too cute.
“i wouldn’t let anything happen to you while you’re in the water okay? please just take my hand.”
you hesitantly take his hand and he pulls you into him, your grip on the railing gone and now you grip isaac tightly due to the sudden shock of it.
“you hate me.”
he chuckles and gently removes your arms from his waist and holds your hands in front of him.
“i do not hate you. you ready to try swimming?”
“not really—”
“perfect! let’s see what we’re working with first.”
“no.”
“what do you mean no?”
“i am not embarrassing myself like that.” isaac sighs.
“i won’t be able to see if you need my help if you don’t show me.”
“okay okay fine i’m sorry i’m just nervous.” you dip your hands in the water to try and get use to the temperature.
“why are you nervous? it’s just me here.” isaac looks around the empty room to emphasize his point and then back at you.
“that’s the problem, i just get really nervous cause you’re so handsome.” you smirk and watch as a blush creeps it’s way across isaac’s face.
“just start swimming.”
you sigh as you start swimming very ungracefully in the water and isaac has to hold back a chuckle.
“i could drown and you’re laughing!”
“you are not going to drown, i am right here.” he swims over to be closer to you and you back up on instinct.
“you know, you’re pretty cute when you flail around in the water.”
“i feel stupid.” you say as you paddle your way to the shallow end.
isaac lets out a laugh as he reaches out to take your hand and easily pull you to him. the action makes you smile at how fun it is to be pull across the water so easily.
“where’d that smile come from? you like being pulled through the water or something?”
your face goes flush at the realization of the fact that you’ve made it very obvious that you enjoyed getting pulled around, unfortunately for you isaac immediately picks up on it.
“aw baby, you want me to pull you around in the water?”
you can’t help but feel embarrassed for some reason, feeling a bit childish you cover your face in an attempt to hide your embarrassment.
“hey hey no hiding i think it’s cute, here.”
isaac quickly gets out of the pool and returns just as fast with two pairs of goggles in hand and holds one out for you to take, which you do with a confused looked.
“what are theses for?” you look at the goggles then isaac, who already has them on and you can’t help but crack a smile at how he looks a bit silly. “are we gonna play mermaids? cause i don’t think i’m experienced enough for that yet.”
“what? no.” isaac takes the goggles from your hands and gently puts them on for you. your smile only grows bigger at the thought of you looking just as silly as him.
“alright now hop on.” he turns his back to you so you can wrap your arms around his neck which you do hesitantly. “ready?”
“for what?”
before you know it isaac goes under the water and you instinctively close your protected eyes as he swims to the deeper end of the pool with you clinging to him. it’s not till he taps your thigh gently that you open your eyes and realize how cool it looks under the water.
when you reach the surface isaac makes sure to keep you secure to his back since you’ve never been this deep before, but to his surprise you push off him gently to go under the water again. isaac of course follows watching how you enjoy yourself in the water.
you imagine this is what flying feels like, it’s so healing you can’t believe you haven’t done this before.
this is dumb i am so sorry, it’s hard to describe swimming for the first time since i’ve swam my whole life. i apologize and will try better next time.
.love always <3 pearl
.masterlist
#pearl’s ❤︎ works#zsakuva#sakuverse#zsakuva fan fic#zsakuva audio#zsakuva headcanons#zsaku#zsaku isaac#sakuverse isaac#zsaku isaac rhoades#zsakuva isaac#zsakuva isaac rhoades#isaac rhoades
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ARE YOU SURE you are ARMY?!?!
I refuse to let anybody dim my Are You Sure?! light. I have enjoyed every single moment of this show. I have watched episodes more times than I can count.
I don’t expect anything from these two except that they just enjoy these precious moments together. I am so grateful that I get a window in even though I understand it is only a window. I am perfectly fine with that. I am grateful for anything they’re willing to share.
I refuse to pick them apart and use anything to decide if they are or are not anything. I enjoy these moments in history with them. I just feel so grateful to have found all of BTS. They are such an enrichment and an uplifting force in my life.
I love the dynamics of Jimin and Jungkook. Although I feel in my lover’s heart of hearts that they are the couple I think they are, I don’t need to focus on that all the time. Most of the time I just want to enjoy watching them and experiencing these moments at the same time in history as they do.
I will be so very excited to see them all back together again and at the prospect of a world tour because you better bet I will bust my ass to get there. Whatever I have to do.
But in the meantime, I keep myself away from all the negativity. I refuse to hate any of them, I recognize their humanity and know they make mistakes. No one is perfect all of the time and expecting them to be so is unfair to them and can end up being such a stress and strain on a fan if they expect to see that. Where is the Fun in that for anyone?
In the end, I am so grateful that they chose to do this and to take time for these precious moments with each other and yes, even with Tae.. because in the long run, they said that their trip to Jeju was made better with his inclusion. And I believe what they say.. not to say that I don’t sometimes think I see what they don’t say lol. His inclusion most certainly did not cheapen their beloved moments with each other. Seeing them all three get to enjoy each other before military service was lovely.
It is my fondest wish in this huge, potentially majestic fandom that everybody quit worrying about what they want to happen and just sit back with this lovely window into this world of these amazing men…all of them and just enjoy it. They are all a gift.. they have given me so much joy and such a lift up in my stressful life. We always need to remember that we should be a gift right back.
Squabbling over who is with who and who isn’t… Demeaning bonds, and friendships and possible partnerships.. attacking members shows such a lack of emotional intelligence, a lack of maturity and a lack of gratitude for what we have been given and for the sacrifices they make to give us the joy they bring..
I always ask myself what this group would be like without any one of them.. I DON’T EVEN WANT TO KNOW and I don’t see how anyone can call themselves ARMY if they want any one of them to leave. And I just want any of those people to remind themselves that if these seven had not meshed if they had not been chosen to form this extraordinary group… If they had not fought so hard to learn each other accept each other and get along, to choose each other as BTS over and over again.. you would not have that one member you want all to yourself.
I watched them hold each other up and keep each other going and I wonder why we can’t do the same as ARMY. We almost lost them.. but they chose to come together and stay together. Why can’t we? Even if we don’t agree about things, we truly don’t really know anything about. Why can’t we just agree to calmly disagree and keep going our merry lucky way… Just something to think about. 💜💜💜
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ASTRO OBSERVATIONS
On today's astrology post I will list my favorite placements, signs and aspects. Now, there are many of them so I'll make a part two next week if this this one is liked by all of you. Hope you enjoy!
🟤 Jupiter in the 1st House
This placement is like finding a pearl in the ocean. These natives ooze positivity, truthfulness and cuteness. Their desire to make others feel content and loved is something I admire about them. They are the wise and thoughtful one of the group and they truly deserve the biggest hug anyone can give.
🟤 Mercury in the 9th house
The dictionary on two legs. These people are so interesting to befriend. They always have new knowledge to spread and are interested in anything from novels, essays, poetry, encyclopedias...they are hungry to learn and spread their knowledge. They also love learning other languages and others traditions. Very open to talk about anything and everything.
🟤 Cancer Moon
I've already wrote about this placement in my Moon saga, but it definitely needs another reminder. The softness, loyalty and nurture these people have is healing, physically and emotionally. They will do anything to make you feel comfortable and safe, always help you with anything you need and never back down from you even if the whole world is against you.
🟤 Lilith in the 1st house
They're just the definition of sexiness. You can spot them from a mile away and the moment you touch them you can really feel this raw energy they give.
🟤 Sun in 8th house
Having such a personal sign in one of the darkest houses can be quite a storm to overcome. Nevertheless these people are so brave and utterly beautiful from the inside. They hold their pain away from the world with a hard shell of humor and sarcasm. This placement is the one which inspires many. They deserve recognition and to be taken care of.
🟤 Mercury in Pisces
They just know how to explain everything in your manner, being that you're a child, teenager or grown adult they are so patient and talented for it. Never wanting to fight, always thinking before speaking and truly an emotional fairy of words.
🟤 Moon in the 12th house
These natives feel everything and anything. They always know how to make your day better of what to get you for your birthday. With a collective sense of emotion and the willingness to constantly heal, these are the witches of the zodiac. The one's always seeking the darkest parts of others and seeing beauty in it.
🟤 Scorpio Rising
They have such a captivating appearance with their fierce look and everylasting eyelashes. They seem scary and creepy to some, but I beg to differ.
🟤 Scorpio Sun
Even though people love to hate Scorpio sun's, I absolutely adore them. I mean I am a Cap, so dark humor, making fun of others, the cold shoulder and sarcasm are nothing new to me. They are very loyal individuals, that's a fact, even though I've never dated one...but the friends I had as Scorpios are amazing people to have around.
🟤Sun trine Moon
What can I say, the harmonius aspect between the ego and the heart. These individuals are the calm one's who always have a wise answer for everything. Down to earth and an amazing support system.
🟤 Pluto in the 9th house
These individuals cam experience some rocky times in school and/or college, but after some ups and downs they are such interesting individuals. I've also met alot with this placement who love anything crime related especially serial killers and looking into their demonior and motives. They are the curious cats and are highly intelligent. Absolutely oppressed with these people.
🟤 Leo Venus
Even though they're not for me, being a earth Venus they are the one's that love showing their partner off and put them on a pedestal. They make you feel like a Hollywood star and being out the red carpet out every other day. They are the one's to spoil the hell out of you.
🟤 Neptune in the 11th house
Having this placement myself I know the struggle of always believing others and getting hurt by their selfishness. You always feel like your peoples second even though ypu try your best. So all my Neptune 11th hoursers, you're not alone. Love you alot!
Xoxo Numa
#astro placements#astro observations#8th house#11th house#leo venus#pluto astrology#9th house#scorpio sun#scorpio#leo astrology#scorpio rising#moon in 12th house#12th house#lilith#moon cancer#cancerian#cancer#jupiter#1st house#astrology observations#astrology#zodiac#zodiac signs#astro signs
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Title: Everyone Else Is No.2 {One-Shot}***
Lewis Hamilton x Attorney Friend Reader
Warning: Cursing, NSFW, Mature 18+ Content, Angst, PLENTY OF WORDS, DIALOGUE HEAVY
Words: 15.2k
Summary: Again, nah.
Note: Inspired by that old August Alsina song "Kissing on My Tattoos". So sorry for how long it is and for the long sentences toward the end, it couldn't be any other way. Forgive the weird spacing throughout, Tumblr has a 1,000 block limit per post, and guess who reached it before correcting the spacing.
Note II: Really interested in hearing what you guys think about this one. Let me know.
As always, thank you guys for reading! I appreciate it. I hope you enjoy this.
If you did enjoy this, please, LIKE, COMMENT, REBLOG!!!
***NOT Edited/Proofread***
-Y/N-
"You're beautiful you know that right?"
You smiled and took a sip of your drink.
"Thanks."
The man sitting across from you, Darius, nodded and before he looked down to his plate you caught his eyes drop to your cleavage. Of course, you thought. This was your 2nd date with him. The first went smoothly though you'd went with little to no expectations for it to be so. Tonight, he said the right things, did the right things, and was the perfect gentleman.
He'd even chosen a great restaurant. The ambiance was perfect for a second date. So far you had only counted 2 things that were less than satisfactory, everything was on point. He was so on point that you wondered if he was acting and not being his genuine self.
You hated the dating scene. Everyone held their cards too close to their chest. No one was ever real about anything. Everyone liked to waste people's time all in the name of fun and sex. These days you only treated dating as a pastime and a way to relieve stress after long hours of working on briefs and reviewing case files.
"A woman with your track record in law. Wheeew. Was it hard?"
You shrugged then wiped the corner of your mouth, "It definitely wasn't easy. I still remember the sleepless nights, and times when I only had 1 meal a day. My parents still remember not seeing me for 3 months because of the bar and my first major case that came nearly right behind the other. They won't let me forget it."
"It looks like it paid off. You're on the partner track. Shit, you'd be the first woman under 35 to make that happen at Halsey Boyd and Crenshaw," Darius said.
You bristled, but politely smiled and took another sip of your wine.
"I'm sorry I don’t mean to make this weird I'm just in awe of you."
You studied him for a few moments but found no lie. You could always tell a lie. No matter what the case, no matter who it was. It was your secret weapon and it served you well as a lawyer.
"Thank you, but enough about me. What about you? Tell me about Darius Forrester."
He smiled, licked his lips then looked you directly in the eye.
"I'm pretty much a what you see you get kind of guy. I've been at Berry & Clark for the last 6 years as a criminal attorney. The work is challenging but I do alright for myself.
You nodded. He did. From what you heard his win ratio was nearly 92% and he took upstanding cases. He was a good attorney. Normally you wouldn’t shit where you ate because mess was not your style. You did not want to walk into a courtroom or boardroom and see the opposing counsel was an ex. That one thing gave you nightmares.
So dating lawyers was out of the question. You dipped in every other career field, playing it safe. The further they were from a law career the better. However, after a conversation with your other lawyer girlfriends about limiting oneself in the already limited dating pool, something clicked, and you decided to try it once but only if they weren't in your firm. Darius was your first attempt.
As he continued to tell you facts about himself you listened, but he didn't have your full attention. There was another person who held your attention, a person who though was usually out of sight was never really out of mind.
You heard your phone sound from your clutch resting on the table and both your eyes shot to it. Darius spoke before you moved.
"Go ahead please."
"Are you sure?"
"I'm an attorney as well, Y/N I know you come attached to it."
You smiled, held up your finger to him silently promising it would be quick, then took your phone in hand. You expected it to be Kemi, your paralegal, with files you were expecting, but it wasn't her name on your screen.
MSG Lewis: What're you doing tonight? Going over an endless to-do list of contracts and briefs?
You smirked.
MSG: Not even close.
MSG Lewis: Wow did someone finally decide to live a little and cut loose?
MSG: This sounds an awful lot like the pot calling the kettle black.
MSG Lewis: Plead the 5th.
MSG: The Lewis Hamilton out maneuvered. Say it ain't so.
MSG: I'm close to your place. Just got back in town. Can you be ready in 10?
Your eyes flitted to Darius across from you who was taking the time to check his messages as well. You looked over him slowly, noting again how great he looked in his suit and how you liked the effort he had put in the last 2 dates down to the flowers he brought you and the activities you'd done. Things could progress if you chose to allow them to.
MSG Lewis: Is that a no?
MSG: I'm not home.
MSG Lewis: Okay. Where you at, the office? I can come pick you up.
MSG: I'm not at the office. I'm actually on a date.
You waited a few seconds, but he didn’t reply. Why didn't he reply?
"Everything ok?"
Caught off guard, you looked back up to Darius whose eyes were already on you. His brows were knitted with concern.
"Uh--yeah. I uh--I think so."
"A case?"
You thought about it and technically he was right. You were Lewis' entertainment lawyer. You were his personal attorney who reviewed the contracts after the company attorney said they had. You gave it to him between the eyes, never sugarcoating, and told him what was made with his best interest and what was made to capitalize off of him. However, when your services weren’t needed you were friends. Had been for practically a decade now.
Sometimes you couldn’t believe you’d known each other that long. You’d known him since he was just another F1 driver rather than the greatest. He knew you when you were going through school always on an empty tank all in the hopes of rising above the tax bracket you were born into. A decade later and he was dominating F1 and you’d more than risen yourself several levels past the tax bracket you’d been born into.
You were on the partner track at one of the largest firms in Europe. You brought in more revenue than most of the attorneys at the firm thanks to your high-class clientele. You'd both worked your asses off to get to this level and enjoyed the spoils of your labor often. You clubbed together, went to dinner, and sometimes did the vacation vibe together. You enjoyed one another’s company.
"A client."
"Oh. Everything cool or---," Darius said.
Another message came in just then. "Everything is cool."
Darius smiled. "Good. I'll be right back, men’s room."
"Yeah."
Darius stood then walked off leaving you with the perfect opportunity to check your phone.
MSG Lewis: Is that right?
MSG: Yeah. 2nd date. Well technically 3rd if you can have 2 dates in one day.
MSG Lewis: Cool. Is it going well?
MSG: Yeah. He's made it this far.
MSG Lewis: Cool.
MSG: When he drops me home Ill text you. Come get me then.
Several moments passed before he replied. Again, you wondered why.
MSG Lewis: Cool.
The remainder of dinner you were distracted. Darius played all his cards right, even scoring himself the green light on a little hand-holding action. You had to admit he was smooth. When he pulled up to your condo building he walked you to your door then went in for a kiss. You hadn’t expected it, but rather than pull away, you allowed it to play out. It wasn’t a bad kiss. He hadn’t been too overzealous, only slipped you a little tongue, and had kept his hands respectful. All in all, for a first kiss it was a solid 8.
With a promise to call to set date number 4 sometime next week, you went inside and allowed yourself to come down. The dating scene was not something you enjoyed often. You always felt like you were performing, like men wanted a certain kind of woman, the perfect woman who they could prance around on their arm to make other men envious and that took its toll.
You never felt you had to perform with Lewis. Never felt like he wanted the perfect you. He made fun of you whenever you were perfectly put together for work meetings and said many times he liked you out of the makeup and heels. After another sigh, you took your phone out and texted him.
~~~~~~
-Lewis-
The ceiling looked like every other ceiling he’d ever seen but that didn’t stop him from focusing most of his attention on it like it was the most interesting piece of construction ever. His eyes should have been focused elsewhere but they weren’t. A loud 'slurp' echoed in the mostly quiet room reminding him again that he wasn’t alone.
"Mm. Why are you so distracted tonight, bae?"
Julissa's voice was as smooth as honey and as seductive as ever. He lowered his eyes to where she was kneeling between his legs and took her in. Her lips and chin were wet as she gave him her bedroom eyes. This was not the first time between them. Usually, it would work but not tonight. Tonight he was struggling to even keep his head in the room.
He watched her tip her tongue out and lick from the base of his dick to the glistening tip. Once there she swirled her tongue around him then sucked his head into her mouth. He’d have to be dead for it not to feel nice but that’s all it was--nice.
He sighed then brought his attention back to the ceiling. "Work."
"Aw babe, when you’re with me work should be the last thing on your mind," Julissa said before lowering her mouth down his shaft. When he felt her tonsils he groaned. His body wanted to like this wanted to give her the reaction she was working so hard for, but something was holding him back. Julissa's mouth bobbed up and down his cock sucking and slurping to her heart’s content trying to get him off, but he knew she had her work cut out for her.
He thought back to your text from 2 hours ago. You were on a date. Well shit, he hadn’t seen that coming. That was the last thing he had expected you to be doing tonight. It wasn’t because you weren’t desirable, or he thought no man would want you. For fuck's sake, you were beyond desirable, you were gorgeous and so damn intelligent. He couldn’t figure out which of those made you more beautiful, your looks or your brains. You also worked hard to be where you were, and you deserved all the praise and attention you got wherever you went.
However, sometimes he wished you got a little less male attention--x that, a lot less male attention. He sighed again. This had been going on for 10 years now. Your friendship had only strengthened but along with a strengthening friendship came a lot of other stuff. Stuff like him taking notice of the fullness of your hips or being tempted to peek when you’d been changing in the backseat of his car, or being painfully aware of how your breasts felt against his chest when you hugged.
That coupled with things he had picked up from you, made the unspoken and ignored things that much more—confusing. There were times when the way you stared at him when you thought he wasn’t looking spoke volumes or the way your hand always lingered on him for a few seconds longer than necessary but not long enough for it to be inappropriate, or the time you'd fallen asleep together on the couch and he'd woken to you wrapped around him using him as your personal body pillow and mumbling his name in your sleep.
Yeah, there was a lot of extra stuff, stuff neither of you ever addressed. The only ones who assessed it were his friends. Miles told him on several occasions that he should be careful before he or you fucked around, and someone ended up hurt. That stuck with him, but not in the way Miles had probably meant it. Rather than taking it the way Miles meant, he used it as a means to keep himself in check, a form of prevention from him crossing the line. He knew if he did, neither of you would be able to go back. It would be impossible and was one fuck up worth a decades-long friendship?
So friends were where you stayed until he added another facet--professional. Years passed, dates passed, flings, non-labeled encounters on both your parts passed and through it all your friendship remained, and nothing changed. Except today there was even more extra stuff.
The feel of Julissa’s lips wrapped around his balls sent his hips jerking upward as a curse left his lips. Julissa moaned and giggled.
“Daddy likes that?”
He knew how he would like it more. As quickly as he revved to that thought he steered away from it. That was when his phone sounded.
MSG Y/N: I’m home. Whatdaya you wanna do? Should I change?
His eye caught the time. 1am. Almost 3 hours from your last text and you were only now getting home. Clenching his jaw he took a deep breath. He had no right to be mad or annoyed right now. He knew where this was coming from. You’d been on a date, and you said it was going well. A date going well had a chance of making it upstairs. He closed his eyes squeezing them tightly. He hoped to God that you hadn’t just gotten it in.
MSG Y/N: Hello?
MSG: You don’t have to change. How about some treats and a view?
MSG Y/N: Okay. Still 10?
MSG: Make it 15.
Pulling himself up he reached down to stop Julissa. She looked confused.
“I gotta go J.”
Now she looked even more confused. He didn’t owe her an explanation, that’s not how this worked between them.
“With your dick out?”
He scoffed then fixed himself as he stood.
“Lewis this’s never happened before. Are--,” she began before he cut her off.
“All good, just—not in the mood I guess.”
She looked offended now. “I’m sorry J. We’ll talk.”
He walked to the door then left her apartment without a glance back. He didn’t feel any way about it because both of them knew what their relationship was and wasn’t. She’d agreed. Once he was in his car, he zipped through the London streets maneuvering the quickest route to your place. Thanks to the time it was an easy drive with minimal traffic. 15 minutes on the dot he swerved around to the front of your luxury condo building then sent you a text letting you know he was there.
A few minutes later, he peeped you from the corner of his eye. You walked off the elevator in a short and tight black dress, impossibly high strappy black heels, and a flowy robe-like jacket that danced behind you as you walked.
“Fuck.”
You were beautiful. Just then the thought that you’d gone on a date dressed like this rubbed him wrong. Some other man had seen this view, a view you gave willingly. Clenching his jaw, he looked through his windshield as he tried to push all those thoughts—all that other stuff to the side as he’d done countless times before. He looked back just in time to see you open the door of his car then climb in. His eyes dropped to your legs but seconds later he corrected that.
“Hi!”
Your smile was bright as if you really were as happy to see him as your voice indicated.
“Hey.”
You reached over and pressed your cheek to his for a bougie kiss. The only thing he could think was that you smelled like a treat all by yourself.
“How are you?”
“Good. You?”
“Good. Wow, what’s it been? 2 months?”
He shrugged as he shifted gears and took off. “Something like that.”
“Mercedes sure knows how to keep you busy,” you teased.
He tried to focus on the road but from his peripheral, he could see you crossing your legs displaying even more skin.
“What were you doing? You smell like fruits.”
He chastised himself because he hadn’t done a bit of cleaning up before he came. His only thought was you. Julissa’s fruity lip gloss still stained his dick that he couldn’t manage to get hard for her.
“Nowhere special. Just kickin’ it.”
You didn’t press further which said you knew just what he was doing. He clenched his jaw again, this time annoyed with himself. As he drove to the dessert place you told him about what was going on in your life while he shared some bits of his with you. Like always conversation flowed like a calm river. It was something he loved. It didn’t take long for him to pull up to the drive-thru of the vegan dessert shop. When it was his turn at the window he tipped his hat lower and left the ordering to you.
You ordered damn near everything on the menu. You didn’t care if it was cake, cupcake, ice cream, brownie, or whipped cream. You ordered at least 2 of everything. It took the staff a good 5 minutes to prepare it all and when he loaded them in the backseat it was completely filled. When he looked at you with an “are you serious right now” look, all you did was giggle. Fuck, he thought. There went all that extra stuff again.
“There is no way we can finish all this,” he said looking at the bags they’d moved to the front since parking at their destination.
“Speak for yourself. I always have room for sugar, sugar.”
He snorted then shook his head. “Mad whack.”
Your jaw dropped as you gaped at him, and you looked too fucking adorable. You sifted through the bags until you found the dessert you wanted—the vanilla bean cheesecake. Your eyes lit up as you gawked at the large slice that was topped with white chocolate shavings. “It's so pretty,” you gushed.
He watched you snap picture after picture of the treat before you took your first forkful. When you did, your eyes rolled to the back of your head as you let out a completely indulgent, hearty, and dick-hardening moan. The fuck, he thought as his dick spasmed to life. Quickly he moved one of the bags to his lap and looked out the window.
“This is so good,” you obliviously said still munching on cake.
He pulled out the vegan chocolate truffle cake and took a bite. It too was good.
“That looks good. Is it?”
“Try it,” he said holding out a forkful to your mouth.
You paused for a split second then cut off a piece of your cheesecake before you held your fork to his mouth.
“You try too.”
The image that came to mind was that of a new husband and wife feeding each other wedding cake and with it, his throat went dry. He knew if he tried to speak he’d sound like a pre-pubescent boy, so he wrapped his lips around your fork taking the piece of cake then fed you his. Your eyes lingered on one another for a few moments nut when you moaned again his dick spasmed again. with that he turned his head so fast that he was surprised he hadn’t snapped his own neck in the process.
“So good,” you repeated.
The two of you sat there commenting on the desserts you went through in record time. He didn’t indulge in sweets often but when he did he found it was usually with your sugar-addicted ass. You said there were 4 things in life you would never give up, sugar, your favorite perfume, your favorite underwear set, and sex. He believed you on all points. When there were only a few pieces of cake left the silence in the car stretched.
“So—a date huh.”
“A date.”
“I thought you gave up dating.”
You took a deep breath then slowly released it before turning your body at an angle facing him. The hem of your dress hiked a little higher and he forced himself to look away.
“I did. Then I got bored and he asked.”
“What does he do?”
You didn’t answer automatically, instead, you took another forkful or 2 of cake, then you spoke.
“He’s an attorney.”
“I thought you didn’t date attorneys.”
“I don’t but me and the girls were talking, and it clicked that by x-ing out a whole career field greatly decreased me finding someone who could stick around.”
He paused. Stick around? This was new.
“Stick around? Are you—are you looking for something—serious?”
You took a beat then shrugged. “I don’t know. I thought the other day, I have everything I have ever wanted. I am on this partner track, I make very high 6 figures, I have a great condo, my mental health is amazing, I have no debt, no baby daddies or drama, I—I’m kinda a catch but I go to sleep alone 98% of my nights. I come home to an empty place, I have no meaningful text exchanges, there is—nothing fulfilling in my life. I began to wonder if it was time to change all of that last bit.”
Silence stretched again as he thought over your words while studying you. This was the first time he’d heard you speak like this. Usually, you changed the subject or downplayed having any other thoughts than fun, sex, and work. Now hearing the vulnerability in your voice he knew you’d come to a point where all of this, intention-free dating, pastime sex, stress-busting flirting and all the meaningless interactions were unfulfilling and empty. You wanted more, you wanted love, a life, a husband, kids, vacation homes, and retirement funds, you wanted the quintessential definition of it all. He also noted you now found everything he was currently partaking in meaningless and unfulfilling.
Dropping his head, he stabbed the cake still in his hands. The more puncture holes it picked up the less and less he wanted it.
“Fuck, maybe I’m just bored and need a really, really, good fuck.”
He snorted but it was humorless.
“Don’t downplay what you feel, Y/N. Don’t—make what you feel insignificant, so you feel less vulnerable. It’s okay to be vulnerable. It’s you and me here.”
“It’s just—you—I know those are things you don’t necessarily want and you’re happy with the--.”
“Who said I don’t want those things?”
His tone was sharp and defensive though he hadn’t meant for it to be.
“Uh—you did.”
“No. I said it’s not something I can afford right now with my schedule and my contract extension. I didn’t say I never wanted it.”
You looked away from him to out the window. “Yeah, but your actions say a lot different,” you mumble.
“What does that mean?”
“Nothing.”
“Y/N, look at me. What does that mean?”
You sat quietly for a few moments then just when he was about to ask again you blurted.
“There is a difference between I don’t want it now and I don’t want it ever. Someone who wants it someday would leave themselves open to it rather than boxing every interaction they have into--other things.”
“What if I don’t want to open myself to it?”
“That’s clear Lew.”
“No. You don’t get it. What if I don’t want to open myself to it because I don’t want to find the perfect thing—the perfect woman and then be fucked because it’s too soon and too hard to keep her in my world to wait until I can make those commitments because my world is fucked—I’m fucked because I want the world and will actually keep going until I get it anyone else be damned.”
He could feel your eyes on him, and it was his turn to feel vulnerable and exposed.
“You think because you put everyone in one box it stops what’s meant to be from—being?”
He glanced at you with a pained expression, he knew it. He was actually feeling pain.
“Also—you’re not fucked because you want the world. I want the fucking world. Am I fucked?”
“To be determined.”
You both busted out laughing then. You laughed for a good minute then smiled as it tapered off.
“Aren’t you the tiniest bit lonely in the other side of your life—away from F1?”
He didn’t need to think about that. He knew the answer, but he didn’t want to tell you. The facts were that he was lonely more times than not. That was when he called someone to come distract him or make him feel good. He’d become an expert in the art of distraction. In his life, he only had time and the capacity for low stress and no mess. He had enough of both already.
He felt your hand creep into his and squeeze gently. Suddenly, there was all this other stuff again. The feel of your smaller hand in his larger one was something he really liked. Usually, when either of you took the other’s hand it was in passing or for a second, but the moment lingered and stretched, and still you kept your hand in his swirling your fingers against his palm and other fingers. He liked this too much.
“You can tell me. I won’t judge you. In fact—I’m lonely.”
His eyes slipped to you. Your head was down staring at your hands. It had now moved to trace the tattoos on his hand with the point of your nail as if his flesh were an adult coloring book. He watched you trace the rose on his pinky, then the planets on his ring finger. When you got to the lined arrow down his middle, he was having trouble swallowing again. Slowly, you traced the spaceship then went up across the sword until you reached his wrist.
He didn’t know if there was rhyme or reason to your movements or if you were just absently doing it. Goosebumps peppered his skin when you went up his forearm. He looked at you just before your eyes met his.
“You are?”
You nodded. “I am,” you whispered.
The air was on but inside the car easily felt like a sweltering 99 degrees. He didn’t know if it was from your touch or if it was the shift in the air between you. Did you notice it too?
“I think it’s okay to be lonely especially looking at how we live. We’re always working, always pushing ourselves to and through glass ceilings and when we do there is no one really there to share it with, not really, not in the way that fulfills,” you said.
Your face was closer to his now. Had he moved closer or was it you? Your eyes met again, and the temperature kicked up again. Fuck, he thought as his dick recklessly spasmed, begging for attention.
“I’m never lonely with you,” he said before his brain could stop his mouth.
A small smile lit your face, “Me too. Never with you.”
The smile slipped. “Well—not always.”
He turned to you more now, curiosity filling him. “What do you mean?”
You stayed quiet for a few moments but kept tracing his skin with your nail.
“There are times I can’t—guess what you’re thinking. Times I can’t—figure you out.”
“Then ask me.”
“Would you really tell me?”
He leaned closer. “I’d tell you anything.”
You searched his eyes, but you didn’t move back.
“Anything?”
He nodded slowly. His head felt hazy like you had him under some sort of spell with nothing more than your presence and the tip of your finger and all he truly wanted was to touch you in return. So he did. Reaching across to your exposed knee, he circled his finger around the smooth skin there. You sucked in a breath the moment his finger touched you and that one action nearly had him pulling you across the partition right onto his lap. Nearly.
So there on a hill that overlooked London, in his car, sitting near enough to a lone road light, you trailed your finger across his forearm while he did the same to your knee. The low light that illuminated the car bathed your skin in amber making him feel like you were on a whole different plane of existence rather than this real proven and tangible one. Your eyes held him in place to the point where he felt like he couldn’t move though he wanted to.
Without even realizing it you were mere inches from him. In fact, you were so close he could make out the hidden colors in your eyes, so close he could smell the fragrance on your skin that went deeper than perfume. This was your essence and by God he was intoxicated. Unable to stop himself, he inched his hand higher gripping your inner thigh. A soft moan fell from your lips and that was all it took for him to press his forehead to yours like the sound was tethered to his very core.
“Y/N,” he groaned.
The sheer might it was taking to keep himself restrained was becoming too much. At this point, it wouldn’t take much for him to abandon those restraints and give in.
“Lewis,” you whispered.
Your voice was raspy and dripping with what he dared label as desire. Fuck, he thought as he squeezed your thigh. He was so close, mere inches and it wouldn’t take much to close the gap between his fingers and your core but still, he fought himself. He was so wrapped up in his own battle for control within himself that he didn’t even realize when your hand rested on his upper thigh. You were dangerously close to kicking the lid off the box of other stuff that he’d worked years to keep shut. Half of him silently begged for you to keep going and kick it off so everything would be out in the open and it would be do or die but the other half of him hesitated still. The unknown was a powerful and sobering drug.
Your hand inched higher, then closer to what was the rock-hard physical evidence that deep down, now closer to the surface than ever before, he felt more, wanted more than what was. He wanted more than he could possibly afford. Still, his hand persisted, it inched higher making your hips jerk forward. The knowledge that he’d hit a sensitive spot sent his system into overdrive making a deep moan from his lips fill the car.
On cue in response, your legs opened a few inches more, making way for his hand. Jesus Christ he thought. There was his consent, you wanted him as he wanted you. There would be nothing wrong with him slipping his fingers underneath whatever underwear you wore. Fuck, he hoped they were lacy and strappy. There would be nothing wrong with him letting your hand slide to the aching dick straining against his pants begging for your attention. Shit, he bet your hands would feel incredible wrapped around him. There would be nothing wrong with him moving closer and finally claiming your lips as his. Damn, he just knew they were as sweet as they looked, that they felt amazing. There would be nothing wrong with him pulling your body against his for more than a clothed hug. There would be nothing wrong with him cupping your breasts and swirling his thumb across your nipple just to see the reaction it elicited. God damn it, he knew your moans would destroy him. There would be nothing wrong with him finally learning what you tasted like, nothing wrong with him finally smearing your wetness across his lips. Holy fuck, he knew you had to taste like pure sugar and cream.
His cock spasmed again then your hand made the move for him. In the same breath with his eyes squeezed tight, he lurched for your hand, gripping you by your wrist stopping you just before you touched him. As he did that his jaw clenched, the only thing he could do to stifle the moan at the tip of his tongue. It came out as a half groan and growl instead. The strangled whine that left you said you liked it, and he knew he had to end this here. It took him some time to find the smallest bit of control to open his eyes, but he didn’t possess enough control to look at you. There was no way he could.
“I’ll take you home,” he said, voice low and so close to a whisper.
He tried to keep the longing, regret, and hope from it. Slowly he removed his hand from your thigh hoping with everything in him that you grabbed it and nudged it higher. You didn’t though, so he turned forward readying himself to drive. You didn’t move for several long moments; you remained there half facing him with your thighs still tempting him to go back and take things further. With his hands on the steering wheel, he trained his eyes forward. He could feel all the antsy energy bouncing off every cell of his body, he could feel all the need in him wreaking havoc on him telling him to stop being a pussy and do what he really wanted to, say what he wanted to, take what he wanted.
His hands squeezed so tightly that the creaking of the leather echoed in the intense silence in the car. Just when he was about to say fuck it, you turned away from him. You softly cleared your throat then buckled yourself in. Sighing, he pushed started the ignition then swerved out of the parked spot they were in taking the route back to the city. As he drove you didn’t speak, you didn’t even move. You kept your head turned away from him looking out the passenger window with your legs crossed away from him. Your body language sent a completely different message now. Before you were open and so close to him. Now, you were so far he wondered if he’d turned Miles’ words into truths.
~~~~~
-Y/N- 8 Months Later-
The loud ‘pop’ of a champagne cork echoed just behind you making you spin in that direction. A group was just behind you laughing and toasting to something you guessed was momentous. You sighed then turned back to the painting you were currently studying. The abstract lines and swoops looked so similar to the slopes of a body. The longer you stared at it the more it felt like an erotic image than some random lines and swirls. There was something about it that stirred something in you, something that you’d ignored and buried so deep, something you hadn’t felt for 8 months.
You drained your champagne glass then squeezed your eyes shut. It had been a long 8 months. You’d worked your ass off times ten taking on more and more clients than before. You brought on 12 celebrity clients and 4 major corporate ones which brought Halsey, Boyd, and Crenshaw to the top of the field in revenue. You brought in so much money that you’d gotten 7 poaching offers from firms in different parts of the country.
Thanks to those offers that you hadn’t necessarily kept confidential, the interest in you for partner rose to unbeatable levels. Anyone you were competing against for the position paled in comparison. Those 8 months of ass-busting work led to your name being signed on the paperwork titling you as the new partner at Halsey Boyd and Crenshaw. It was so much of a done deal that your bank account proudly embraced your new status.
With that new status came an increase in the events you had to make an appearance at as thee number 1 entertainment and criminal attorney in London. Your calendar quickly filled with meetings, speeches, appearances, court appearances, dinners, and more. You were so booked that the next time you had any schedule free time was 6 months away. You’d catapulted so far out of your original tax bracket that you’d shattered the glass ceiling that tried to confine you and now you wondered if you’d aimed too high.
“Looks like I’m right on time.”
You looked to your right and found Darius holding another glass of champagne for you. Smiling, you took it.
“That you are, thank you.”
“Of course. To you, the youngest and newest partner at Halsey Boyd and Crenshaw and in the greater London area.”
You smiled as the man who’d stuck around through your insane schedule, your hot and cold behavior, your pull you close one minute, push you away the next, your disappearing acts, your reluctance to place a label on your interactions, your give me sex then get gone rule, and more for the last 8 months.
“Thank you, Darius,” you said leaning toward him and pressing your lips against his.
Darius moaned and reciprocated the kiss, snaking his hand around your waist and pulling you close. You felt like you were thanking him for much more than the toast and the fresh glass of champagne. You felt like you were thanking him for taking your bare minimum and it made you feel like shit.
Darius pressed his forehead to yours and instantly you had a flash back to the last man who’d done that to you. In a split second, your heart rate spiked, and an intense feeling gripped you.
“You don’t have to thank me, love.”
Your reaction to the action ricocheted through you making you pull away from Darius. Turning back to the painting, you gulped down the champagne.
“It’s crazy that your firm has so many celebrity clients and that this many are here to welcome you as partner,” Darius said in hushed tones.
“It is crazy.”
All night you’d been rubbing elbows with actors, musicians, models, athletes, and more. All of them congratulated you on your promotion and wished you greater success in the future. It was touching but a little bit overwhelming. You couldn’t let on though, so for the entire night you’d been performing, and you were nearing the limits of your stamina for it. You’d been performing for the last 8 months. Shit, you’d even been performing with Darius. You’d been performing ever since you were dropped off in those early morning hours those 8 months ago.
“Y/N,”
To your left, your paralegal now turned assistant, Kemi touched your elbow drawing your attention to her.
“Hey, girl.”
“Hey, you look incredible,” she said.
“Stop saying that please, you’re gonna blow my head up so big I just might start thinking I deserve a higher position.”
She giggled but gave you a look that said “well ya’ do.”
“The big wigs are asking for you, although you’re now one of them so--.”
You snorted while rolling your eyes. “Then doesn’t that make you the big wig assistant?”
She posed then making you laugh.
“I’ll be right back,” you said to Darius as you walked off to find those big wigs.
It didn’t take long before you found them surrounded by a group of about 10 people. When they saw you they waved you over with large smiles on their faces. You took a deep breath and approached them with an equally large smile.
“There she is ladies and gentlemen!”
The group smiled, patted your back, and welcomed you with friendly banter.
“Everyone!”
The music died down and someone handed Malcolm Boyd a microphone. He was your biggest fan, a black man who’d made unfathomable feats in the field and became an incredible mentor and second father to you. He put his arm around your shoulder as he always did.
“I am filled with great happiness and pride calling this woman the new partner here at Halsey, Boyd, and Crenshaw!”
Everyone began applauding then, drowning out his next words so he paused and allowed them a few moments before continuing.
“She has been with us for 6 years now and in those 6 years she has accomplished incredible things and when she was done with those incredible things she moved on to outstanding things. Y/N has reminded many of us of what it means to be determined and persistent. She tackles every case with poise, confidence, and grace and that confidence has given her that 99% win record.”
Again everyone clapped. You softly smiled at them half embarrassed by the praise but half so damn proud of yourself and happy that your accomplishments were being recognized.
“Just as Malcome said, “Patrick Halsey began placing his hand on Malcom’s shoulder, “Y/N more than deserves this promotion and I expect her to blow all of our minds in the coming months and years. We just might have to add another name to the plague.”
Many in the audience hollered and hooted at that and you couldn’t lie that the greedy ambition within you salivated at that possibility. You still wanted more. You exchanged a look with Malcome who gave you an all-knowing look. You just found your next accomplishment. The founding partners took turns praising you and giving reasons why you’d earned this promotion then raised their glasses to you for the ultimate toast of congratulations. You humbly thanked them and gave a quick appreciative speech before lifting your glass to the audience.
As you drank down the tart liquid, your eye caught sight of a figure you hadn’t seen in person for almost 2 months—Lewis. He stood at the back in a black suit that clearly was made for him. His braids were pulled back in the way he liked when he was tackling more professional events. He looked as good as ever. He lifted his glass of water to you and in response you gave him a tight smile.
The same thing happened that always happened when you met one another ever since that night. Your body went through this strange cycle of reaction, excitement, confusion, hurt, anger, annoyance, and disappointment. It was exhausting. Because of these feelings, you regretted that night. You regretted allowing your thoughts to go so astray that you opened up your ‘what if’ box. You regretted every whisper, every lean in, every almost touch, every lingering look, everything. You even regretted getting out of his car when he pulled up to your condo instead of pulling him by his hair to you and telling him to go upstairs with you. you didn’t know what you regretted more.
The worst part was that you had to continue on like always. Normally it wouldn’t be a problem because that night was not the first night there had been many ‘what if’ nights over your decade-long friendship. The common factor was that both of you moved on and slinked back into the basics of your relationship—comfort and friendship. This time is difficult, so difficult you contemplated passing his case off to another attorney. If it hadn’t been for Malcome talking you out of it he would have been someone else’s responsibility. Instead, you put on your big girl panties and a mask and did something you never thought you’d ever do with him—performed.
When the crowd thinned out and everyone returned to what they were doing you began making your way back to Darius in the opposite direction. You were ready to leave. Before you got far Lewis stepped in front of you stopping you in your tracks.
“Congratulations, Y/N.”
Smiling, you thanked him.
“You look--,” his words stalled as his eyes roamed your body. You noted the conflicted look on his face before it disappeared. “Incredible,” Lewis finished.
His compliment made your body warm and something like hope filled you. Chastising yourself you swallowed the lump in your throat. “Thank you. You look nice too.”
Lewis scoffed softly then nodded. You then tried to slip by him, however, Lewis wasn’t having it. Again, he stepped in front of you.
“In a rush to get away from me?”
“Why would you say that? Have you done anything to me for me to want that?”
Silence stretched and Lewis studied you his jaw clenched tightly. Instead of speaking, he looked down, an act of defeat.
“Can we talk, Y/N?”
“We’re talking right now.”
He gave you an unamused look, but you kept your nonchalant, innocent one. Unexpectedly Miles approached then.
“There she is--partner lady. Congratulations Y/N.”
You smiled then hugged Miles. “Thank you!”
“This is incredible news, Y/N. So happy for you.”
“I appreciate that. Thank you for coming,” you replied.
“You know me, always this fool’s plus one.”
You smiled then the silence returned for a few seconds before Lewis spoke again.
“Maybe we can go somewhere—quiet after this?”
“Unfortunately I don’t think I can.”
“Why?”
Just then Darius approached and wrapped his arm around your waist resting his hand on your hip. You watched Lewis’ eyes drop to that hand and continued to watch as his jaw turned tight as if it filled with cement.
“Oh wow. Lewis Hamilton,” Darius said turning to you, his voice awestricken. “Babe it’s Lewis Hamilton.”
You nodded as a soft smile played on your lips. “Let me introduce you. Darius, this is one of my clients, Lewis Hamilton, and his best friend Miles Chamley-Watson fencing champion and Olympian. Miles, Lewis this is my—.”
You hesitated and in the same second, you felt Darius’ eyes on you filled with hope. Two other pairs of eyes were on you--one giving complete double eyeball emoji and the other searing you almost daring you to continue. The longer you didn’t speak, you watched Darius’ hope turn to disappointment. Glancing back at Lewis you found his eyebrow up with a curious and confrontational look while Miles was the epitome of if ‘well this is awkward’ was a person.
“This is Darius Forrester.”
You felt even more like shit now. Darius shook Lewis’ hand first then Miles’. While he did Lewis looked him over sizing him up. You knew he was wondering if he was the same man from those months ago when you’d told him you were on a date.
“It’s a pleasure to meet you, I’m a fan,” Darius said to Lewis.
“Thank you. I appreciate that. I can sign something for you if you want.”
You rolled your eyes at his underhanded jab while a half chortle escaped Miles. Darius on the other hand leapt at the opportunity, handing Lewis the only thing he had, an art bidding ballot. Lewis signed the back but kept his eyes on Darius’ hand on your hip.
“Bidding on some art tonight?”
“I am. There is a piece this gorgeous angel has been staring at all night, it’ll be my gift to her for her promotion,” Darius explained rubbing your hip.
You smiled at him then kissed his cheek. Lewis now looked entertained while Miles’ eyes widened as he finished the drink in his hand.
“Ehm, anyway. So I’m sorry I can’t pencil you in tonight but if you call Kemi and make an appointment she’ll get you on the calendar for a different day for that talk,” you said.
“Plans tonight,” Miles guessed looking between you and Darius.
“Absolutely. I’ve had way too much to drink and plan on taking advantage of that.”
You leaned closer to Darius kicking up your performance another notch. Lewis smirked but also clenched his jaw to that. Miles whistled while nodding his head.
“Go on then Ms. Partner, fly by the seat of your panties or no panties,” Miles teased making you and Darius chuckle while Lewis gave him an unamused look.
“Well, enjoy your evening gentlemen. Thank you again for coming by,” you said before you made a move to walk off with Darius.
As you walked away you placed your hand over Darius’ and slyly slipped it lower to rest on your ass. You knew Lewis was watching and decided to deliver the last blow. Was it petty? Yes. Was it fair to Daius? Not at all.
The next hour or so passed with you roaming around the gallery looking at the art while Darius flirted with you. As you roamed, no matter where you went you saw Lewis from the corner of your eye and no matter how much space was between you, your skin reacted as if Darius’ touch was his. The more you felt that way the reality that Darius’ touch was in fact all his own annoyed you making you feel even worse. You knew what needed to be done and knew it had to be done soon.
The only way you could distract yourself was with glass after glass of champagne. As you emerged from one of your countless trips to the bathroom you bumped into Miles.
“Funny bumping into you here.”
You smiled warmly, “Still here? I thought you and Lewis left hours ago.”
“You knew we were still here,” he accused.
You tried to give an affronted look but failed. He was right. Sighing, your act fell for the first time that night.
“Wow. Feels good to not perform huh.”
You looked at Miles and wondered just how much he knew. He didn’t keep you in suspense long.
“What a twisted web we weave when we practice to deceive.” He scoffed, shook his head then continued, look, I am going to tell you the same thing I told Lewis.”
You perked up then but tried to play it off.
“You better stop playing before somebody gets hurt and by the looks of it, it’s gonna be your homeboy Darius if not all three of you.”
You took in his words then put your mask back in place. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Yeah you do, just like Lewis knew what I was talking about all those years ago, but he still decided to keep playing, and now look where we are.”
Your curiosity peaked then. “What are you talking about Miles? What do you think you know?”
He scoffed. “I’m a straightforward kinda guy so I’ll say I know everything. As the neutral 3rd party who is both on the outside looking in and the inside watching this train wreck, I know everything. I know what he tells me and what he doesn’t tell me, and I know what you don’t tell him.”
Your eyes lingered and the longer they did the more you got his meaning. Glancing away you tried to pretend like his words meant nothing, but you knew you were failing.
“I get it, I really do; 10 years is a long time to put at risk but are you really putting it at risk knowing all you know? You have 10 years of proof. Man up.”
Miles leaned in, kissed your cheek, and whispered, “Let homeboy go so he can find someone who really loves him, someone who can love him. Your corner is full.”
With that, he walked away leaving you speechless and confused. Your corner was full? You had no idea whatsoever what that meant, and you were tempted to follow Miles and get some clarification, but you decided against it remembering the last time you chased down the rabbit hole. When you found Darius again his expression was somber when he told you that the painting he’d been bidding on was outbid and that he didn’t have it to gift you. After assuring him you were fine, you decided you were more than ready to leave.
Darius got the car as you waited outside allowing the cold air to cool your skin. You didn’t care that you were risking illness because it served as a needed distraction. When you felt a fabric drape over your shoulders you bristled at first but then Lewis’ scent circled you and your body relaxed. Even that annoyed you.
“I don’t need this. Darius will be back soon anyway.”
Lewis snorted. “8 months, is that a record?”
“I think it’s a record for you, but I’ve gone longer.”
He scoffed then shook his head. “No doubt, remember Y/N. I will be here long after you get bored with them all. I’m always here.”
Your eyes locked and his should have been radiating cockiness that matched his words, but instead, they were gentle, open, and vulnerable.
“Will you?”
There was no time to reply because a car horn blared drawing your attention. Darius waved at you as he got out of the car to walk around to the passenger side.
“Good night Lewis.”
You walked away from him then slipped into the passenger side. As you waited for Darius to get in and drive off, you stared at Lewis who hadn’t budged from the curb where you left him. Miles’ words echoed back to you then.
“Just like Lewis knew what I was talking about all those years ago, but he still decided to keep playing, and now look where we are.”
“You have 10 years of proof.”
“Your corner is full.”
The word ‘full’ echoed over and over as Darius pulled off. Bullshit, you said to yourself in disbelief.
When Darius pulled up to your condo you sat there marinating in all your thoughts throughout the nearly thirty-minute drive. It wasn’t until you felt Darius’ hand on your exposed knee did you realize he was still there.
“Are you okay? Want me to come up?”
You closed your eyes and took a deep breath. “We need to talk Darius.”
When you looked at him his expression said he knew just what you were about to say. Being as gentle as you could, you ended things. Although the old “it’s not you it’s me” line fit the situation perfectly. You dug a little deeper and gave him and heartfelt reason without revealing you were and had been in love with your best friend for 10 years and didn’t realize it until his feelings were already on the line. When you finished, Darius remained the good guy he was and told you he understood and that he’d expected this sooner or later. You thanked him for being good to you then began making your way to the elevators.
Halfway there you dug into the pocket of the jacket you wore and froze. When you took your hand out you held a note with your name sprawled on the front in Lewis’ handwriting.
-Y/N-
I’ve thought for months about what to say to you because there is so much to say, so much that has gone unsaid for so long that I don’t know where to start—how to start. 10 years is a long time especially when neither of us has been 100% honest with the other. I want to end that. Please.
-Lewis
You read then reread the note over and over hoping you would know what to do next but no matter how many times you did, you had nothing. So you walked back and forth in the lobby. When your phone sounded, you found a message from Lewis.
MSG Lewis: Ball’s in your court. I’m outside your building.
You froze then slowly turned and saw his car. It had been months since you’d been in a car with him and the thought of doing it again freaked you out a little. Your eyes met at that moment, but he didn’t move. He was giving you the time to decide for yourself. You turned your back to him then walked to the elevators but stopped halfway. After a few moments, you turned back around and walked to the doors only to stop halfway again and repeat the whole cycle. Still, Lewis didn’t budge. He just watched as your internal debate played out physically.
After ten minutes you stooped down and put your down, completely exhausted by your indecisiveness. Taking a deep breath, you held it and allowed your lungs to adjust. It was an action you often did to help you think and calm down. As your oxygen levels decreased your heartbeat would slow and as it did, there was always one particular beat where you figured it all out. It usually came right in the nick of time.
So you allowed your heartbeat to slow and though you should have panicked you didn’t. You thought clearer than you’d ever thought before.
“I know what he tells me and what he doesn’t tell me, and I know what you don’t tell him.”
Miles’ words came back to you again and it was then you gasped filling your lungs with air. After a few breaths, you stood then turned to the doors. It worked all the time. With your head high and back straight you walked toward them then climbed inside Lewis’ car. Without a word, he pulled off then turned back onto the streets.
~~~~~~
Thirty minutes later you walked into a penthouse suite right behind Lewis.
“Why here?”
“Thought neutral ground would make you more comfortable.”
You scoffed and beelined right to the bar, tossing his suit jacket over the back of one of the bar stools. As you mixed yourself a drink you tried not to focus on him, but you did. No matter where he went you knew. You were hypersensitive to him at this point. You’d only meant to make a glass but ended up making a whole shaker cup. You kicked off your heels, climbed onto the bar stool then plopped yourself on the countertop. Once comfortable you crossed your legs and sipped your drink.
“Where’s Darius?”
“Not here obviously.”
“You and I are so alike it’s insane,” he said as he approached you, but he didn’t come close. He stopped at the sectional couches in the middle of the large living area and then sat.
The silence in the room was thick for such a long time you began thinking about leaving altogether.
“Congratulations again. I’m so fucking proud of you. You saw something you wanted and didn’t stop until you got it. You deserve this.”
Your stomach flipped hearing his praise. More than anyone he knew what you’d gone through to get here. It touched you. Looking away from him, you cleared your throat. “Thanks.”
His eyes remained on you as if daring you to look back at him. It was a dare you had to accept. Your eyes locked and you instantly felt it. There was so much to say. Just behind him, you saw something familiar. Squinting, you made out the painting you’d been staring at all night, the painting Darius wanted to bid on for you. It clicked then, the reason why Darius couldn’t win it was because Lewis claimed it first. You scoffed, the man was competitive and dominant to a fault. You couldn’t help but be touched by the gesture though.
Lewis sighed bringing your eyes back to him, “I don’t even know where to start,” groaned, rubbed his eyes then spoke again. “Maybe I’m sorry is a good place.”
You studied him for a few moments then took a mouthful of your drink. “For what?”
“You know for what.”
That night.
Those words hung in the air, and you did your best to remain aloof. Scoffing, you shook your head. “It’s all good Lewis.”
“You’re lying and you know it. I thought attorneys believed in the truth.”
“Who are you to tell me what my truth is?!”
You hadn’t meant to shout it, but you did.
“Because more times than not our truths match up and I am sure that what happened was not all good to you because it wasn’t to me.”
“And what exactly wasn’t all good to you?”
“The way we—I left things,” he quietly said.
You waited for him to continue because there was no way in hell you were going to make this easy for him. He wanted to talk so he’d talk. Lewis shook his head then hung it backward. He sat there staring into the ceiling for almost a full minute before he looked back at you.
“I just—flipped when we were—you were—you wanted--,” he stuttered.
You scoffed again, “Don’t flatter yourself, Lewis,” you said slipping into the barstool and spinning it around so your back faced him.
“What?”
“You and I both know that none of that meant anything to you. It’s all good.”
“Now who’s telling who what their truth is?”
You didn’t take the bait, instead, you kept your back to him and finished your glass.
“You forget, I know you, Lewis. 10 years of friendship and I know you so well that it was my own damn fault that night.”
“Whatdaya know?”
After refilling your glass you turned back around then hopped off the stool and walked toward the large floor-to-ceiling window. “I know that that you were with one of your rotation chicks before you came to pick me up. I smelled her on you. That fruity aroma was all her. I know that because of that tidbit of info, none of it meant anything.”
Leaning against the window you stared down at the view of London. Lights glistened down below, and you imagined everyone scurrying to where they had to go so wrapped up in their own thoughts or existence to even suspect that it all was fleeting.
“Okay, I’ll own that bit. Yeah, I was with one of them but that was only after I found out you were on a date.”
“So it’s my fault. I was on a date living my life, so you decided to get your dick wet. Okay.”
You took another sip from your glass not liking the direction of this little talk he wanted to have.
“I never said it was your fault. It’s just a fact. I texted you because I wanted to see you, wanted to spend time with you and you were spending time with someone else, someone you probably did God knows what with hours before you saw me.”
And with that, you were done here. Finishing the glass you turned and walked to the door.
“Good night Lewis.”
He scurried in front of you blocking your path. “Wait, please. Shit! I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”
“Two sorries in the span of twenty minutes, cool. Get out of my way.”
“No, Y/N, please wait.”
You sighed, rubbing your forehead. “I’m sick and tired of waiting. I’ve waited 10 years!”
“You’ve waited? I’ve—.”
Lewis threw his hands up then walked away grunting and talking to himself. He looked insane and it kind of made you pleased seeing it. He always appeared so in control, so aware of himself and his actions at all times. It had all gone to shit now. You stood there debating if you should just leave and let things remain how they were until the day you both just stopped talking and checking in and it ended up going on for another 10 years until you were just people who used to know one another, people who’d missed out on something. It was then you realized you weren’t wearing shoes.
“Shit,” you whispered.
“I wanted you that night. I wanted you more than I had ever wanted anyone, including anyone in the rotation. Do you know what I was doing while you were on your date?”
“Getting your dick wet. I know.”
“I was lying on Julissa’s bed as she gave me head.”
You scoffed, “Of course you were.”
“She’d been going for 40 minutes and still I was barely hard. No matter what she did, no matter the tricks, no matter how nice it felt, barely hard. I was lying on her bed with my dick in her mouth thinking about you on your fucking date.”
You looked at him then. Those were words you hadn’t expected.
“My mind went crazy thinking what was happening. The longer that went by without you texting me the thoughts killed me. As soon as I got your message I left. No other thought, just you. I prayed to God that the date didn’t go well enough for you to let him upstairs. Then I saw what you were wearing, and I couldn’t believe I was jealous. I was jealous.”
“Why?”
Lewis looked at you then. “Because he got to see you like that. You’d dressed up for him, wanted to turn him on with that outfit. He’d spent the entire night with you. He’d had what I wanted.”
Well shit, you thought before walking back to the bar. Rather than making another drink, you took up a bottle of champagne and brought it to your lips.
“Do you know what it feels like to want someone so bad that it fucks with you and everything you do? To want someone more than you’ve wanted anything. To want someone in a way that is new to you, so new that it scares you. Do you know what it feels to have this crippling fear every time that someone is in your grasp, but not being able to resist the temptation, the desire to make them yours? Do you know what it feels like to know that you only burn this bright, this hot, this dangerous with one person, and the burn is all-consuming?”
He looked almost hysterical now. “Do you know what it feels like to want the perfect someone for you? I’m talking molded for you in every way while knowing it’s not the right time for you because you both want too much from the world and because you know that because you burn so hot, so bright that you’ll burn each other if either of you ever let go and let it happen? To know you are so similar that you will either destroy each other or ruin one another for anyone else.”
The look on his face was so damn relatable. He’d just said everything you’d thought over the last 10 years. Everything.
“I know what he tells me and what he doesn’t tell me.”
He was practically ranting now. Spewing every single thing that he’d ever thought, confessing it all.
“So because of all that you try to keep up pretenses that you’re friends and nothing more though you have countless moments where you slip up and stare at them too long, or hold them in your arms from a hug for half a minute too long, or let your hand linger in theirs or around their waist to test boundaries because you just can’t not touch them, or even find reasons to do every single thing together. You take those 2 steps forward not realizing you do because the pull is too strong, then you freak out and leap back 5 steps. You do this for weeks, months, years until 10 of them have passed and you have this huge box you’d filled with all the other stuff between you that you can’t express or fess up to until that box just gets stirred by one action, one moment--one night.”
His eyes were locked on yours. Somehow he’d traveled across the room to the bar and was standing right in front of you. Somehow he’d locked you in the frame of his arms leaving you nowhere to run. Somehow he’d managed to inflate your chest with hope right beside your thundering heart.
“Then suddenly—everything has changed, and nothing can be the same ever again,” he finished, his voice a whisper in the completely silent room.
You watched his eyes lower to your lips and your gut flipped again.
“Do you know what any of that feels like, Y/N?”
There were only mere inches between you now and the sheer proximity of his body to yours made you shiver.
“H—how long—have you—felt this way?”
Your voice quivered in a way that made it obvious to him what his nearness was doing to you.
“10--fucking years,” Lewis replied eyes glued to yours.
He took one step to you, “I’ve spent the last 8 months cleaning my life, cleaning my circle because I’ve gotten to the point where I could no longer ignore that everyone else is number 2 for me. You’re number one, Y/N.”
You were frozen in place, unsure what to say, and even more unsure what to do. He was right, your truths usually did line up and this was no different.
“And I know it scares you, shit it scares me too. All of this does. I know my life is insane and yours is about to be even more so, I get you still have things you want to accomplish; I saw your face when Halsey mentioned adding your name to the plaque. You want it and I want it for you as well as the world for both of us. Our timing can’t be any worse, but something has got to give, love, because I can’t take another year let alone 10 of this.”
You took a deep, ragged breath.
“Where--,” Lewis began before stopping and chewing his top lip.
It was a nervous tick. “Where do I—stand—with you?”
For 10 years he’d been so hard to read, so nearly impossible to gauge, and here right now in the darkness of the room you could see him as clear as day. He was oh so transparent and scared you’d reject him. Scared you’d decide he was more trouble than he was worth. Scared he’d just showed you his heart and ruined your friendship in the process. Without realizing it you were crying; you felt a tear roll down your cheek.
Sniffling, you wiped it away, “Ehm, I broke up with Darius tonight.”
Lewis looked shocked. Clearly, he thought you were still together.
“Why?”
You wiped the other tear that fell from your eye then looked away from him. All of a sudden the room felt smaller than it was, it felt as if the walls were closing in on you. Lewis cupped the back of your head cradling your skull in his palm making you look him in the eyes.
“Why?”
“For the last 8 months, I’ve been hot and cold with him, I pulled him close one minute then the next pushed him away, I disappeared a lot always using work as the excuse. I was busy, yeah, but it wasn’t work. I was always so reluctant to put a label on what we were doing, every time he brought it up I changed the subject never giving him the answer he wanted. Even when we had sex--.”
Lewis took a deep breath, dropped his head, and harshly released it, clearly displeased with confirmation that he’d had you that way, but you continued.
“Even then it was usually always on my terms, and I always wanted him to leave right after. I was—I was always thinking about someone else, something else instead of him, and for 8 months I never felt anything remotely close to what I felt that night with him. over the months every time I saw you it hacked at whatever was going on between me and him until tonight seeing you again it just--.”
You flicked your five fingers indicating an explosion. I’ve become hypersensitive to you, and I don’t know when it happened. It dawned on me that—I was using Darius and it wasn’t fair.”
Lewis searched your eyes not hiding the hurt in his. You took a step towards him. “You’re right about a few things. Our timing couldn’t be any worse.”
He nodded.
“Our truths usually always line up.”
Lewis looked hopeful then.
“Your life is insane.”
The hope faltered.
“I do want my name on that plaque, and I will get it.”
A small smile crooked his lips.
Another tear rolled down your cheek and again you wiped it away, “I can also no longer ignore that everyone else is number 2 for me. Always has been because you’re my number one.”
He clenched his jaw then and the emotion that washed over his face rocked you. Like an earthquake rocking the Earth’s surface.
“I am scared.”
As this tear rolled, Lewis was the one to reach out and gently wipe it with the pad of his thumb. Your lip quivered.
“I’m so scared.”
Lewis pushed forward then, crashing his lips to yours in one swift move. Once your lips met neither of you went slow. The kiss was frenzied from the beginning, both of you wanting it all and not wanting to waste any more time taking it. As his tongue rolled with yours you closed the space between you pressing your body against him. Lewis softly moaned, wrapping his arms around you. When you bit down on his bottom lip he groaned then walked you backward until your back collided with the edge of the bar. Trapping you there once again, he kissed you without holding a thing back and your body responded to him instantaneously.
In a matter of seconds, you both were moaning against each other and completely wrapped up in the new feelings that were consuming you. Lewis cupped your face as he kissed you then ran his hands down to your neck. You couldn’t deny that this felt even better than you imagined. Moaning, you clutched his waist but when that didn’t suffice, you slowly slid your hands up along his toned abs, over his chest taking in the bulge of muscle there. When you wrapped them around his neck, Lewis pressed more persistently against you.
“Mmmm!”
Lewis tore his lips from you and put his forehead to yours. “Fuck, I don’t want to get too carried away. I’m sorry I should have asked first.”
“Consent fucking given,” you said before you crashed your lips to his.
This time you took control. Swirling your tongue with his you didn’t give him time to react or gain the upper hand. You wanted to taste him, and you refused to wait any longer. Teasing his lips, you nibbled his bottom one, taking your time to sensually suck on it until he moaned against you. The vibration shot through you making you feel like you’d only now just begun to truly feel. Lewis’ hands roughly gripped your hips, holding you steady so you could feel that you weren’t the only one finally feeling for the first time.
Heightening both if your pleasure, you sucked his tongue until he groaned. The next thing you knew Lewis’ had you by the hips lifting you onto the bar top. You wrapped your thighs around him and nearly came when you felt his hands pry your legs apart. The heat radiating off of his hand on your bare thigh reminded you of the night in his car and you prayed he didn’t stop again.
As if reading your mind, Lewis met your eyes while he slid his hand higher and higher and higher until his fingers crawled to your inner thigh. Softly he raked his manicured nails against your skin forcing a whimper from you. You bit down on your bottom lip and silently willed yourself not to cum from the anticipation. Suddenly the back of Lewis’ fingers brushed against your sex. Your gasp was loud, breathy, and stretched out as he took his time moving centimeter by centimeter until he’d trapped your clit between his pointer and middle finger. Your jaw dropped all the while he held your gaze.
When he tightened his fingers and rubbed against you, your eyes rolled to the back of your head. You knew then he was dangerous, and you were going to cum.
“F—ha—fu-huck!”
Your back arched, head fell back as your body moved like it were possessed. Each spasm of pleasure had you bucking against his fingers until you could hardly breathe.
“My god you’re so fucking beautiful when you cum, love.”
You giggled and moaned as the tremors worked their way through you. “Mmm, orgasms and compliments, a girl could get used to this,” you cooed.
“Good. This is your future.”
Lewis moved his hand, brought them to your thighs then lifted them. As he planted your heels at the edge of the bar, you knew what he wanted. Your eyes dropped to his lips then you moaned. Pulling your dress away from your legs you allowed them to fall back to the bar showing him not only gymnasts were flexible.
“Oh fuck,” Lewis groaned.
You watched his eyes drop to your sex and the look on his face was unlike any you’d ever seen. No one had looked at you like this before. He stared where your thighs met like it was the most mesmerizing thing he’d ever seen, the first of its kind and something he wanted to completely destroy. You now felt like prey spread before him like this, like at any moment he was going to pounce on you.
“Mmm.”
Lewis came closer and closer until he rested on his elbows and was just inches from your sex. The anticipation was killing, and he had to know it.
“I knew you were a lacy knickers kind of woman,” he muttered.
“I take it you’re a lacy knickers kind of man.”
“On you, fuck yes.”
With that, Lewis hooked his thumbs in your underwear and pulled them to the side. He blew out a breath in reaction to seeing you bare for the first time and that breath fucked you up all over again. You threw your head back trying to calm your anxieties, but just when you met his eyes again you found his tongue out sliding against your wet folds.
Oh—my—goooood!”
Lewis moaned and did it again and again until he circled your clit with the tip of his tongue. “Mmmm.”
Lewis pressed your thighs back keeping them spread then went to town. If you’d ever doubted before that his mouth game was incredible you didn’t now. He licked, flicked, and sucked along your flesh making your back remain in a prolonged arch. Within seconds you were whining and writhing as his tongue worked literal fucking magic. The sound of Lewis’ slurping echoed in the living room and that was when your hands grabbed his head. Pulling his hair free you held on and bucked against his mouth.
“Mmm.”
He stuck his tongue out and let you take over. With every buck against his tongue, you called his name and the more the tip of his tongue flicked your clit the more out of control you felt. Your release was so close your body moved more wildly needing it at all costs.
“I’m gonna cum Lewis.”
“Cum for me, Y/N!”
You didn’t need to be told more than once and when you were right on the precipice you felt Lewis slid two digits inside of you. Just like that, your orgasm morphed from a toe-curling release to soul snatching one. You screeched as your body convulsed but he didn’t stop then, he pumped his fingers in and out of you then added a third finger stretching you wide.
“Uuuugh fuck!”
You barely finished your words before Lewis threw you over his shoulder, keeping his fingers inside of you. As he walked through the suite his fingers kept fucking you, readying you for him. When your back met the soft sheets of the mattress, Lewis still hadn’t broken contact. He watched you now as you lay there unable to control your body.
“You’re so beautiful.”
Pulling his fingers free he cleaned two of them off before you sprang to your knees to claim the third. As you sucked his finger you kept your eyes on his. You could see how badly he wanted you, how much he wanted from you, and you couldn’t believe he’d held back all this time. You took your time sliding each button through its slot until his shit was wide open. When you pushed it off of him you took in a sight you’d seen plenty of times only now it was different.
You brought your hands to feel across his torso marveling at each defined ab muscle and each tattoo. When you intentionally rubbed against his beaded nipple you noted the way his Adam’s apple bobbed. How had you never noticed your effect on him? How had you never taken it seriously? Bringing your hands back to his waist you undid his pants. You brushed your palm against the protruding mass straining against his pants which made him shiver as he grunted.
“Oops.”
Lewis scoffed then licked his lips and that was all it took for him to claim back some of the control you possessed over this exchange.
“Of course, you’re a fucking tease.”
You innocently smiled. “I haven’t even begun to tease you.”
“I bet.”
Lewis snuck forward kissing you one peck at a time, over and over.
“Mm, can you take it?”
“Any other night my answer would be yes, hell in an hour my answer will be yes but right now--.”
He cupped your sex with on hand and the back of your neck with the other.
“Mmm.”
“Right now, I have no control left. I’ve remained in control around you for 10 years and right now I just want to let it all go. I want to bury myself so deep inside of you there is no mistake that we belong to each other bad timing or not. It’s you and me, Y/N.”
You groaned as his words only increased the wetness between your legs. You kissed him again, then you turned your back to him and swayed your body against him. Lewis dropped a kiss to your shoulder as his hand crept around to cup the underside of your breast. You leaned forward getting on all fours with your ass poking out to him.
“Undo me?”
He didn’t move for a few moments, and you waited for him to enjoy the view. When you felt his hand rub against your ass you dipped your back lower which only made your ass poke out more. Lewis trailed his hand along your spine that the backless gown proudly showed off. Then he went to your tailbone and lowered the zipper of the dress. Peeping over your shoulder, your eyes locked as you allowed the dress to fall away from your body.
His groan was low—primal. It was all you needed to hear to know he liked the strappy number you wore that was made of fine lace. You expected him to take his time but instead, you felt him peel off the garment leaving you completely naked before him for the first time ever.
“You’re so wet for me, Y/N. So wet and so fucking perfect.”
You spread your legs further then stretched your arms over your head using your head to hold you up. As expected, Lewis flipped you onto your back making you giggle. You roamed your hands over your body, cupping your breasts then sliding them down your abdomen to your dripping core. The entire time, Lewis kept his eyes on every move you made while he pulled his pants and underwear off.
When he stood bare before you, your surprise could not be masked. You didn’t know what you’d expected in your late-night thoughts about what he was packing but you had no way of expecting this. Lewis gripped his length then slowly stroked it as he pressed a knee onto the mattress.
“Scared?”
You bit your bottom lip as you gawked at what the good lord blessed him with. It was unfair and completely intimidating.
“Now I see why everyone in the rotation was so happy being one of many.”
He snorted, bringing his other knee to the mattress between. Slowly he stalked closer like a predator with a deadly weapon in hand.
“There is no rotation anymore.”
“Oh yeah. The LH44 Harem has been disbanded?”
As he crept closer, you slid backward.
“You’re not funny.”
“So am I the first to usher in a new era—a new harem?”
Lewis grabbed your ankle then pulled you back to him making the backs of your thighs slam into the fronts of his. He then hovered over you before dropping an opened mouth kiss on your nipple. Sucking the peak into his mouth he sucked raising your back off of the bed.
“You’re in no harem. I told you, it’s you—and me,” he said nibbling your flesh.
Stared at him letting it all sink in. You brought your hand to his bearded cheek and rested it there.
“Are we really doing this? Like—for real?”
Lewis boxed your face in with his muscular arms and stared into your eyes. “I’ve told you where I stand, Y/N. I’ve told you everything that’s in here.”
He took your hand and placed it over the roaring lion etched on his skin keeping his hand over yours.
“It’s time you tell me what’s in here,” he finished placing his other hand over your left breast.
“You,” you whispered.
“I love you, Y/N.”
Before you could react or even respond Lewis thrust forward sending the tip of his hardness inside of you, stealing your breath, and every thought. A breathy gasp filled the air. Slowly he pushed forward, leisurely filling you giving you time to adjust to his size.
“Haaaa.”
Lewis kept his hand over your heart while holding yours over his as he filled you inch by tortuous inch never taking his eyes off yours. Your entire being was on fire like he was pouring molten lava inside of you with every inch he gave you.
“Oh fu—Lewis,” you panted.
From the way his jaw was clenched, and eyes focused intently on you, you could tell he was feeling everything you were.
“How are you so tight?”
Digging your nails into his chest you tightened your leg around his waist and as if that was his last straw, Lewis flicked his hips forward filling you completely and tearing a scream from both of your lips. Neither of you moved for several moments but with every second that passed by your body blazed. Bucking against him, you slid your hand up to his throat and then gripped it.
“I love you. Fuck me. Now!”
Those words would be your ruin because he did just that without mercy and complete recklessness. Your moans and whimpers melded together rising in decibel and power until the entire room shook with the power of your screams for one another. As he plowed inside of you he didn’t go slow, he followed his basal instincts that were imprinted in his DNA, a need to claim, and dominate.
You’d never felt so out of control in your life. No matter how he fucked you, you couldn’t get enough. No matter how deep he went you wanted him deeper. No matter how he called your name you wanted him to scream it. You wanted every fucking thing he had. You wanted to leave him in shambles. When he flipped you onto your stomach like you weighed nothing, he held your ass in the air and fucked you so thoroughly you’d lost track of how many times you came. It didn’t matter because you wanted more.
He must have been able to read your mind because there was no way he could tell what you needed this soon, you thought to yourself as he grabbed your wrists and pulled you back, so he had your upper body hovering above the mattress.
“Oh my god, I’m cumming Lewis! Ooh shiiiiiit!”
He took advantage of this new angle and circled his hips as he jackhammered into you, fucking you as you did something you’d never done before—squirted. You screamed from the force of your release, but Lewis didn’t stop, he fucked you through it then torpedoed you into another one that you knew would tear you apart. Racing for it, you slammed yourself back into him relishing the mix of pain and pleasure that only intensified when Lewis bit down on your shoulder.
“You got one more for me, darlin? Cum for me. Soak this dick, pretty girl, drench me so I can fill that pretty pussy up.”
“Aaah!”
You clenched around him as you lost yourself and fell off the cliff and into an endless pit of pleasure. You felt Lewis spasm inside of you before he cursed and shouted his release doing just what he promised. Filling your pretty pussy up.
When the two of you finally collapsed on the bed Lewis held you to him spooning you while still being nestled inside of you. Bit by bit you came back to your body and slowly your body went from violent shakes to subtle tremors and a hazy feeling washed over you. Lewis peppered kisses along your neck and shoulder nipping your skin every now and then.
“Mmm. Oh my god!”
He snorted. “You good?”
“Good? Am I good? Are you—at the risk of swelling your head even more than it already is that was--.”
“Was?”
You searched for the words but couldn’t find the right ones. “It was,” you settled on making him laugh as he held you tighter.
“Naw, I was alright, you—you were,” he said making you snort.
“Shut up.”
“No, I’m being for real for real. It’s a miracle I held on that long, you feel unbelievable, so good, too good. You—are!”
You giggled then moaned, sleepiness creeping up on you.
“Don’t you dare fall asleep, I’m nowhere near done with you.”
His manhood inside of you lurched nudging your g-spot and just like that your eyes snapped wide open.
“Watch yourself, I know your weakness now.”
“You?”
“Nope, this pussy.”
Lewis snorted then flipped you onto your stomach again. This time he straddled you as he slowly pulled out of you only to plunge right back in.
“Mmm.”
“Still so damn tight,” Lewis groaned.
“You’re welcome to try stretching me out.”
Lewis jerked his hips forward delivering a bruising thrust as punishment for your your sassy mouth. It was a thrust that took your breath and made you go cross-eyed.
“Mmm, yes!”
“Oh, aren’t you full of surprises. Pretty girl likes it rough and hard.”
He did it again and again, making you hit the bed each time as you buried your face in the sheet to muffle your screams.
“God yes, Lewis!”
“So fucking alike,” Lewis said before lowering his lips to your ear. “Remember I love you 'cause I’m about to fuck you like I don’t.”
Not waiting for a reply he held your arms to the bed then delivered on his promise. Everyone else was number 2 compared to you being each other’s number 1. Nothing else mattered.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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#lewis hamilton#lewis hamilton fanfiction#lewis hamilton fanfic#lewis hamilton x reader#everyone else is no.2 one shot#black fanfiction
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Hey, allo anon with an ace partner here. I wanted to say thank you so much for the well wishes! I figured I would send this in here again, so anyone else who is curious about what this experience looks like from the other side can see it.
My girlfriend came out to me a little over 2 years into our relationship. At the time it surprised me a lot, because she'd never given me any signs that she wasn't enjoying what we were doing. After we talked more I understood that she wasn't repulsed by sex and she didn't hate it, but she didn't really love it either and wanted to stop doing it for a while (so a sex-neutral ace).
Honestly, at the time, I did get anxious about it. Not just because of social conventions, but because I had viewed sex as an important bonding part of our relationship. I don't do well with change, and I was super worried about how a lack of sex would change our dynamic. I also had some insecurities about my own body, and my girlfriend admitting that she didn't see me as sexy was upsetting. But after speaking to my therapist, I realized that I was projecting my own issues on to the relationship. So I spoke with her again, and she reassured me that she wanted to be with me, and that she was confiding these feelings because she trusted me. She likes how I look, she just doesn't have the same sexual impulses I do.
So, I realized this was pretty much like cuddling. I love physical touch a lot, and I want to cuddle for a much longer time than she does. I like it when someone lies on top of me. She doesn't want me on top of her chest during cuddling. She still cuddles with me, but she tells me when she's satisfied, and we stop.
A few months went by, and I noticed that she wasn't spending any less time with me; she was actually spending more. We would still call every evening when we didn't meet up in person, we would still joke around, and she still told me she loved me and did everything she could to show it to me. We also began trying out new stuff together, and playing games and watching stuff more often. We also still had plenty of physical intimacy with things like cuddling and kissing, which made me really happy.
I realized that I didn't feel like anything was missing from the relationship. I just needed her to show and tell me she loved me in the ways she normally did. Sure, I am still attracted to her that way, but it wasn't something that would make or break the relationship.
It's been years since she came out, and at this point, I never expect anything sexual. It happens rarely, and I always check in with her multiple times before and during. We stop at any point she tells me. There are quite a few hard boundaries about what is and isn't off limits, and I always keep them in mind. I would rather satisfy myself forever than make her uncomfortable, and she knows it.
It's been over 5 years and we are still going strong. I am hoping to ask her to marry me in the next few years, because honestly, I can't picture wanting anyone else by my side. She is kind, funny, beautiful, intelligent, and treats me well. I could never ask for anything more from a partner.
Thank you SO MUCH for sharing. I myself definitely lack knowledge of what it feels like from an allo's perspective, so this was very educational for me, but beyond that... You have no idea how much hope this gives me.
From you being aware of how much sex meant to you in the context of your relationship and still being fine without it, to just... Heck, even your therapist for not blaming her for the situation. Therapy is still very much, in my country at least, an area where the absence or lower levels of sexual attraction will be hastily labelled as something wrong physically or mentally, so... Yeah, the amount of relief I felt reading that, you have no idea. And I can only imagine how much your partner appreciates it too.
Honestly I teared up a bit reading this - I sincerely wish you guys all the best and I hope you have a bright future ahead! (Also fun fact, seems you guys have been together as long as my partner and I have, it's nice to be able to relate to that too hehe^^)
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