#i hate all of it its so shit
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wish i could walk up to whoever decided to do this discord update, even if its a group, and tell them "congrats! you fucked up."
#i keep finding new things that suck and are broken#this is. the worst!!!!!!!!#its not intuitive. it doesnt match the computer. half the features dont even work anymore. it literally keeps crashing and breaking#i just spammed a server on accident because it didnt look like my message was sending until i closed and reopened the app#i mustve pressed the send button like 60 times trying to get it to send.#im going to complain about this forever it sucks so bad PUT IT BACK WHERE IT CAME FROM OR SO HELP MEEEEE#discord#i hate the swipe to reply thing i hate how the new search works i hate how everything is organized i hate that the dms arent on top anymore#i hate all of it its so shit#i think its the worst especially because they changed so much all at once and thats probably also why its SO BROKEN.#if they did all of these changes one at a time i promise they wouldve been changed back so quick because everyone wouldve hated them#just like we hate them now! but since its this huge update that they forced on us. theyre not going to fix it!#i need to slap whoever did this. why do they hate their users#also THEY LITERALLY DID DO THAT SWIPE TO REPLY THING BEFORE A FEW MONTHS BACK FOR A FEW DAYS/WEEKS.#WE HATED IT THEN AND WE ESPECIALLY HATE IT NOW#bring back the members thing when you swipe right its literally so natural feeling and better
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When you spend 20 years attempting to bring down the child slavery, murdering, human trafficking exploitation ring that stole your childhood, murdered your friends, and killed countless innocents only to have them rebrand as 'Noble Freedom Fighters™' off-screen.
#rip zevran's crusade against the crows >:(#when people said they wanted to be crows they didn't want devs to make the faction nice so we won't feel bad or conflicted about it#people wanted to be conflicted! they wanted to see the faction in all its glitz and glamour - then see what it hid beneath all the mystique#choose to play as a crow that loves the life/hates it/is undecided/etc...#but i'm sorry i forgot that this game doesn't want to do 'role play' options my bad#i will not stand for this zevran erasure!!!#they set up a schism with zevran's da2 codex entry - with other crows joining him!#have the antivan crows faced with a threat that challenged their outlook on why they fight#have the talons be the one to sell out antiva! in exchange for allowing their business to resume (have it be a sneaky reveal!!!)#their work has purpose and order to it so the antaam might agree! they're like 'babys first ben-hassrath!'#have Crows look around at their own home - see the vendor they bought fruit from disappear or the smiling old lady now cowed by grief#then have them decide to DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT#have a schism! have Zevran take in Crows who are unhappy - have them realize how shit the organization is!#boom! somewhat-noble freedom fighters! (they're doing their best okay)#if there were differences between different crow houses they needed to explain it better...let us talk to Lucanis! I want to know him :(#my art <3#dragon age#datv critical#datv spoilers#dragon age the veilguard#zevran arainai
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I started this, finished the lineart, decided I hated it, finished it anyway, bon appétite.
This is a manga panel redraw of this ^ Sebastian, because @every-sebastian-michaelis posted some of the Grell v Sebastian fight scene panels and I got inspired
#original post#original art#sebastian michaelis#good lord an original post on this blog#after so long#black butler#kuroshitsuji fanart#kuroshitsuji#black butler fanart#sebastian black butler#black butler sebastian#tw blood#tw blo0d#i worked out all the shoulder muscles and bones and shit#and then i was like huh actually i hate this#its not bad particularly it just looked better in my head#the folly of many artists..
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why is everyone forgiving the minecraft movie it still looks like shit dont tell me the meme got to you are you seriously going to see this cash grab bullshit in theatres because hehehoho steve yearned for the mines????? hello????????
#minecraft movie#still shit still wont be watching#tell me why im going through the tag and so many people are ok with it#have we forgotten the initial trailer#and the fact that like#all that stuff is still in there#have we forgotten the animals look abysmal#have we forgotten the lighting is poorly made#have we forgotten its not catering to an audience that has a deep rooted nostalgic love for minecraft#but rather for all the 9 y/os who js see colors and go woaaa must see movieeeee!!!!!#have we forgotten its not a faithful adaptation#have we forgotten the universe of this movie does not love us#urghhh#i fucking hate the minecraft movie#minecraft#my rambles
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"Wow...I know how much you hate musicals."
#symbrock#venom the last dance#venom 3 spoilers#Venom being genuinely surprised by Eddie agreeing to do something he hates#“we have no secrets”#bruh#i bet that symbiote felt the depression vibrating off Eddie so bad its cells started splintering apart#but I also felt like this was the symbiote trying to cheer Eddie up by being silly like it did in LTBC with the breakfast#Eddie's just such an espresso-depresso because his whole life went to shit and he's craving the love he thought he lost#dumbass doesn't realize he's had it all along#the unfiltered love this symbiote has for its host is actually so pure#goodnight i'm going insane over these two
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i feel like people don't play enough with the fact that karkat isn't just a regular hopeless romantic he's a troll hopeless romantic and he's watching alternian romcoms on murderhell planet
i've seen a lot of people make him have those sorts of really over the top lovey dovey gooey old fashioned rose petals and candles and getting married after three days style romantic views and wants like you'd expect from a character really into all those things
and that can be funny but whatever the fuck is actually going on here is way funnier to me
"i think all romance is based on hate and watered down hate. all the weird soft shit is probably some weird chemical reactions that i dont know about and... idk... other shit. i dont know what causes it."
thats so fucking funny whats wrong with him
#karkat vantas#this is infinitely more freakish and hilarious#to me#im not saying he doesnt want softer shit#he does say he thinks everyone needs a good balance of hate and pity#but the fact this is how he frames it all#is so fucking funny#its sooooo#i want to study him#in a lab#or maybe just in a jar idk if hes lab quality#much to think about
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thinking about how Humans Are Space Orcs stories always talk about how indestructible humans are, our endurance, our ability to withstand common poisons, etc. and thats all well and good, its really fun to read, but it gets repetitive after a while because we aren't all like that.
And that got me thinking about why this trope is so common in the first place, and the conclusion I came to is actually kind of obvious if you think about it. Not everyone is allowed to go into space. This is true now, with the number of physical restrictions placed on astronauts (including height limits), but I imagine it's just as strict in some imaginary future where humans are first coming into contact with alien species. Because in that case there will definitely be military personnel alongside any possible diplomatic parties.
And I imagine that all interactions aliens have ever had up until this point have been with trained personnel. Even basic military troops conform to this standard, to some degree. So aliens meet us and they're shocked and horrified to discover that we have no obvious weaknesses, we're all either crazy smart or crazy strong (still always a little crazy, academia and war will do that to you), and not only that but we like, literally all the same height so there's no way to tell any of us apart.
And Humans Are Death Worlders stories spread throughout the galaxy. Years or decades or centuries of interspecies suspicion and hostilities preventing any alien from setting foot/claw/limb/appendage/etc. on Earth until slowly more beings are allowed to come through. And not just diplomats who keep to government buildings, but tourists. Exchange students. Temporary visitors granted permission to go wherever they please, so they go out in search of 'real terran culture' and what do they find?
Humans with innate heart defects that prevent them from drinking caffeine. Humans with chronic pain and chronic fatigue who lack the boundless endurance humans are supposedly famous for. Humans too tall or too short or too fat to be allowed into space. Humans who are so scared of the world they need to take pills just to function. Humans with IBS who can't stand spicy foods, capsaicin really is poison to them. Lactose intolerance and celiac disease, my god all the autoimmune disorders out there, humans who struggle to function because their own bodies fight them. Humans who bruise easily and take too long to heal. Humans who sustained one too many concussions and now struggle to talk and read and write. Humans who've had strokes. Humans who were born unable to talk or hear or speak, and humans who through some accident lost that ability later.
Aliens visit Earth, and do you know what they find? Humanity, in all its wholeness.
#humans are space orcs#humans in space#earth is a deathworld#earth is space australia#tagging this so that ppl can find it even though the space shit i write about always feels like its in direct opposition to all the pop tag#also my biggest pet peeve in all of writing - all writing. everywhere. not just in fanfic but books and tv and movies too - is when people#write off an injury by saying something like 'oh nothing bad just a couple of scratches some bruising and a minor concussion' like girl WHA#MiNOr ConCuSSioN is such an oxymoron and I hate it so fucking much. like i dont care how minor it was thats still brain damage.#especially when the same character does this more than once. like im sorry ms. but uh. you can no longer read. or talk eloquently. sorry#evidence: my brother has had two 'minor' concussions and now cannot read write or speak without tremendous effort. And like its totally#ruined my ability to watch action shows/movies because now i just sit there and count how many concussions there characters are getting#after a certain point it becomes totally impossible to believe that these guys are able to function. (still fun to watch tho im not a hater
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sketches and fun stuff i shamefully admit he is extremely fun to draw
#i hate adhd this shit isnt a superpower i just think about this fish all day#ms paint#love this new layering technique its so colorful#sebastian solace#roblox pressure#pressure#sebastian pressure#why is he so fun to headcanon....#god i love ocs.....
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the place me and my roommate were supposed to move into today was so disgusting and uninhabitable we just took our stuff and left and now we're gonna be staying at airbnbs and hotels until further notice/until we can find a new place hopefully quickly...........im in my homeless drifter era y'all!!!😍😍so if im not as active then thats why LMFAO
1 like = 1 prayer
#bro was literally trying to rent us a silent hill apartment#we already paid first and last too which was 2700k and he said hes not gonna refund us EVEN THO WE DIDNT EVEN MOVE IN!!#like first month i get BUT NOT EVEN THE SECOND MONTH?? all landlords go to hell#looking back at the og listing like.....yeah i can see why he never took pics of the outside......literally looks like a landfill😃#we're SO LUCKY that uhaul allowed us to keep our things stored with them bc if they insisted on our shit still being dropped off#we woulda been so screwed/forced to move in and then would have had to hire ANOTHER uhaul to move back OUT lol#AND I HATE MOVING the idea of unloading all of our stuff just to pack it again literally makes me wanna perish#but even tho i may be a homeless drifter rn that wont stop me from also working on my oneshot between searching for places😍#the oneshot has a smut scene at the beginning LMAO and smut takes me forever to write so id been putting it off#but now that im over that hump (pun intended) i think ill be faster now brrrrrrrrrrr 9k words so far#its probs gonna be like 40k LMFAO maybe longer... idek#but also ill be hella busy trying to find a home so LMFAO who knows...chat im so fucking TIREDDDDD🧎♀️🧎♀️#my moms trying to see if she can fight him and get our money back but it aint lookin good bros#if i randomly open commissions then youll also know why LMAO
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Mm, yes... The one you call Benrey...
I've been advised by my employers that, his true nature is on something of a "need-to-know" basis...
And you, Doctor Freeman, do not need to know...
ayo fuck this painting lol have another cropped vers
#augsartt#hlvrai fanart#hl2vrai#hlvrai2#hlvrai benrey#hlvrai benry#hlvrai#digital painting#art#digital art#my art#ugghhh this one was such a pain#i kept pushing myself and it turned out good but it took THREE DAYS#EWW MY ADHD BRAIN HATED THAT SHIT#and i defo over rendered but its fine fuck it lol#thank you to all the people who were so kind in the tags of my Gordon painting!!!#you guys gave me the motivation to get this one done so alsd;jf thanks <3#ily all 😭😭#pose is inspired by that one scene from Chicago lol#they both reached for the gun is the number you should watch it#okey goobie
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NO MORE ASSOCIATING THINGS WITH FEMMES ONLY BECAUSE THEY ARE PINK!HYPERFEM FEMMES ARE GREAT AND I LOVE YOU CAMPY FEMMES WHO EMBODY PINK BUT ALSO JESUS CHRIST CAN YOU GUYS NOT GO MORE THAN ONE DAY W/O TRYING TO SHOEHORN FEMMES INTO BEING ONLY PINK UWU BABIES. I AM FEMME AS IN GRASS AS IN DIRT AS IN TREE BARK AS IN WEEDS SPROUTING THROUGH THE SIDEWALK CEMENT. FEMME AS IN GENDER NONCONFORMITY AS IN FUCK YOU MY FEMININITY IS WHAT *I* SAY IT IS. FEMME AS IN DEPTH AND DARKNESS AND WARMTH AND TERROR. FEMME AS IN CAVES. FEMME AS IN LIGHTNING. FEMME AS IN AN AMALGAMATION OF TRAITS THAT I HAVE DECIDED ARE FEMININE REGARDLESS OF WHAT SOCIETY SAYS. FUCK IS IT THAT HARD TO UNDERSTAND?!???
#personal#i am emotional yes#over the years ive had this blog I've made a few posts abt being femme#nd whether they're serious or jokey..... inevitably someone in the tags goes “ohhh yeah bc pink”#or in the case of what inspired this post: someone going “what about the pink ones” on my praying mantis post#and im just.#sick of it. im sick of femme being equated to pink and frilly girlie behaviors.#im sick of femme being equated to skirts and heels. to makeup. to skincare. to pristine nails exactly almond shaped.#im sick of ppl acting like All femmes aspire to this shit. im sick of femms being reduced to this shit.#and i love pink! i love pink! my phone theme is quite literally just black and pink all over.#im just. so tired of any expression of Femme identity being shoehorned into being a Specific type of femininity#especially as someone who DOES get dysphoric wearing skirts. wearing dresses. embodying the femme aesthetic yall are so set on making#if u guys wanna rb this i truly dont care#i just needed to scream#and this is one small thing#but the 2nd largest category of anon hate i have gotten since making this blog is str8 up homophobia from other “queer” folks#saying i cant be femme bc of how i present. calling me slurs (and using them as such) bc they cant understand femme as anything but that#my wife and i have our users in our personal discord server set as 2 different things of anon hate ive gotten#i have had OTHER FEMMES tell me i am not femme. femmes who Know im femme who still call me butch. femmes who ive corrected and been blocked#-by bc of it. the number 1 largest demographic of queerfolk who have me blocked rn is TME femmes who embody pink also#and i dont think its a coincidence at all. (and i know this bc i go to try and follow these ppl bc they get rbed on my dash & i cant)#and ik their blogs arent deleted bc some of them don't block my wife (tall. white. butch) and it cant be politics cause her and i rb#a lot of the same political shit (fuck. i think she rbs More than i do even. this is genuinely mainly a nsft blog)#and usually i don't say anything but im having a bad day so i get to be angry about this and if anyone fucking tries me i will block u#idc if we've been mutuals 4ever. im judt so tired of feeling like i am not Enough as a femme bc i dont embody this shit#im sick of this lameass lip service to he/him gnc femmes etc when the thin white 50s housewife femme is still what is preferred and loved#im sick of this lamesss lip service when y'all feel entitled to theorizing on other femmes genders bc u cant conceptualize a femme who does#wanna be hypetfeminine. im sick of it. im sick of it. im sick of it.#celebrity bun
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She's late for work!
Or a piece inspired by @aparticularbandit's fic
Extras that actually relate to the fic
#danganronpa#sdr2 mikan#mikan tsumiki#two mikan drawings in a row the crowd cheers#Originally was the shiny but fun fact I cant STAND contrasting colors#HATE THAT SHIT ITS SO FUCKING UGLYYYY#Except black and white but they technically aren’t colors so who cares#also i need yall to know that i absolutely have no fucking knowledge on pokemon#which hold on#pokemon#chansey#anyway all my knowledge is from jaidenanimation nuzlockes and saltydkdan friendlockes#but those are in the background while i do other shit so#so i had to google this#scarposts#scardraws#crossover#anyway matsuda being the best boyfriend#gonna put#enomatsumiki#for the fic
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Someone pointed out to me in one of my posts that the reason Perry was SO pissed off during OWCA files was bc he's jealous Heinz was spending time with so much of his co-workers, and Ive since been thinking about this and I genuinely hate how much this makes sense.
Obviously that isn't the ONLY reason, but. This is the second recorded time where Heinz ends up working for OWCA and BOTH times Perry spends the entire episode inexplicably grumpy and pissed.
You COULD say it's bc he's wary, he doesn't trust Heinz to behave professionally as an agent when he takes so much pride as an agent himself and incompetency pisses him off (true). Also that Heinz is lumped as his responsibility, and agent Lone Wolf hates being saddled to a person.....but these arguments crumble in light for a few facts.
1. Perry doesn't have THAT much respect for OWCA, and certainly not Francis, ESPECIALLY if they piss him off. See the aftermath of Undercover Carl. Its not a respect issue.
2. Perry knows what Heinz is like. He LIKES spending time with Heinz, and as early as the events in "Come Home Perry," HE knows that he can trust Heinz to always have his back. Its not a trust issue.
3. Perry is hugely supportive of Heinz reforming, and in MML, it's HIS money being the first and foremost funds provider for Heinz to start a time travelling agency. He likes Heinz turning tide fine, so long as he doesn't shut Perry out or leave him behind. It's not a Being Good issue.
So why was he pissed off?? Well. What's the ONE thing that upsets Perry, without fail, when it comes to his loved ones that isn't them being in undeniable danger.
Sharing. Perry hates sharing.
#Perryshmirtz#phineas and ferb#perry the platypus#heinz Doofenshmirtz#meta piece#more of my Possessive Perry agenda#i need my dude to chill out QUICKLY and IMMEDIATELY#tell bro no one is taking Heinz away he can have him 😭😭😭😭#this is why i love all the OWCA Heinz AUs where Perry is upset#cus like its a combination of so many things#its having to work in a team+newbies cramping his groove#but also it's Heinz always being in the forefront of trouble all the time#and he has to SHARE and he HATES sharing so going into this he was#ALREADY upset before all the shit happens#perry's control freak mind just has trouble with the idea of his loved ones in actual danger so much of the time so#i cant imagine how hard it is thinking about Heinz running headlong into danger all the time as his obligation demands him#poor thing. youre gonna give the platypus cardiac arrest
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girls when their issues get dismissed as anxiety for the millionth time
#futaba sakura#persona 5#p5r#p5#fanart#futabadoodles#chat i am SO losing it#went to get diagnosed w adhd wasnt diagnosed because and i quote “it could be anxiety” omfg#neurotypical psychiatrists especially white ones die in a hole 🥰#also because i “wasnt struggling enough”#like hi so i have this thing called emotional intelligence a good support system and access to coping skills hope that helps!#god forbid a neurodivergent person has tools to manage their condition and isnt in hell everyday i guess!#hate her ass!!!!!!!#i wasnt looking to get diagnosed for medication or support bc i already use a lot of like adhd specific supports and shit#and w accommodations my anxiety diagnosis can cover what i need for the most part so it was rlly just a validation/confirmation thing#like idk yeah. i am managing. im not particularly struggling. because ive been selfdx for a while and have implemented changes in my life#and i happen to be in a very very good place rn and im very lucky. so like. ???#rlly felt like “you have all the symptoms but youre not struggling enough with anything to be able to diagnose ypu” ok thanks fuck you#cuz ppl w adhd can manage being unmedicated by choice i js wasnt officially diagnosed before i guess its deemed “okay” to not live in hell!#dunno im frustrated. i have difficulties but i manage them well and i am very lucky to live an easy life for now so like 😭??
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PART 2 - John Price x reader
Masterlist
Summary: When John gets an unexpected invite to his ex-wife’s wedding, he scrambles to find a suitable date to take with him to ward off old ghosts from his past.
Notes: trans John, fat reader, subtle transphobia from minor characters
John was sat in his flat watching a Match of the Day rerun for a football game he’d missed while away when his phone buzzed on the kitchen counter.
His head swivelled over to it to see if it buzzed again, determining it unimportant enough to ignore for the time being when it stayed silent. Kate always called, so it wasn’t work and anyone else that was texting him after 9pm could wait.
It buzzed a second time, then a third and a fourth in quick succession and he felt curiosity twinge at the base of his skull. He pushed himself up, ignoring when one of his knees popped, and grabbed his phone.
Your name flashed up on the screen and he opened the chat without hesitation.
>> the photos from today, don’t forget to swap them out :)
He flicked through the photos you’d sent before picking one at random to save.
John sat back on his couch and agonised over swapping his lock screen.
It was currently an old photo of Charlotte from their honeymoon, and it had stayed that way this entire time in spite of the divorce. He had kept her there even when he’d removed her photos from his desk and was unable to put any up in his new flat. His little secret. Though he knew Kate had seen it despite his best efforts to leave his civilian phone at his flat or turned off during his office hours.
But now…
He felt almost queasy as he selected the new photo. It felt like the first of many final nails in the relationship’s coffin that John would have to deal with over the next month in the lead up to Charlotte’s big day.
It felt like he was mourning a relationship already six years dead.
---
John adapted quickly to seeing your face on his phone screen at the end of the day over the next two weeks, even if he did miss seeing Charlotte’s cheery smile, and found it just as easy to accept seeing your name pop up more and more frequently when you messaged with a new question you’d thought of regarding the wedding or your fake relationship.
It was easy to talk to you, he found. Easy to let his guard down just a tinge and to try and bury the hurt he felt.
>> what’s a childhood story you’d have told me about a couple months in?
<< I fell out of a tree when I was 12, was meant to be grounded at the time so I had to walk home with broken ribs and a scraped up arm and leg. Tried to pretend nothing had happened when my mum got back from work, but it didn’t fool her.
>> i broke my arm climbing a tree too, maybe one of our dates should’ve been at a forest climbing adventure place lol
<< You wouldn’t have wanted to be wined and dined?
>> sure but it can get a little boring
>> you wouldn’t have wanted to hypothetically stare at my arse cinched in climbing gear?
>> were there food options for the wedding? like on planes? i’m not a veggie so you dodged a bullet if you chose a main with meat but i do love pasta if we’re able to swap last minute
<< Everyone loves pasta.
<< And no, think it’s an open buffet.
>> i’ll bring a doggy bag for snacks on the way home then
>> waste not, want not
<< Say that in front of my dad and he might just add you to his will.
>> this is the dress I have in mind, what do you think?
<< Good choice.
>> glowing praise, john, i’ll take that as it won’t cause a scandal among the locals
<< Don’t think you’ll be the one causing a scandal, Sunshine.
It was in a rare occasion he’d texted you first that you arranged to meet up a second time. He’d asked about the plans you’d mentioned a few days back and was currently waiting for a reply while he tried to slog through his own work.
>> was super excited for the play today but I think I might have to cancel my tickets, my friend was driving us there but her kid has gotten sick so she can’t go now :/
<< Where were you going?
>> it’s at a park on the other side of the city with the outdoor stage, i could grab a couple of buses but i don’t know if i’d make it in time
John put down the dry sandwich he was eating and looked at the meeting reports he’d been ignoring for the last ten minutes while texting you.
<< I’ll come pick you up.
>> really??
<< Sure. Send me your address and I’ll be there soon, Sunshine.
John had barely parked up outside your house before you were opening the door and giving him an excited smile and wave.
“I love stuff like this anyway, but this community group have put on some amazing portrayals of Shakespeare’s plays over the years despite their low budget and they make it so accessible with cheap tickets and the outdoor venue. It’s cut down so the teens performing have a better chance at remembering their lines, but it’s always one hell of a forty-five minute show. I think it’s Othello this time, but honestly I’d watch anything,” you rambled as you buckled your seatbelt. “It’s always good to support local art.”
“So we’re seeing Shakespeare?” John confirmed.
“It’s at the open air theatre inside the park.”
“Been a while since I went to the theatre, longer than that since I’ve been in a park.”
“What do you do in your off time?” You asked with a snort.
“Don’t get much off time,” John said easily, unbothered. It was him after all that had decided work would become his priority.
“Well then I’m glad we’re getting to see this together,” you said. “I’ve had a pretty long week too.”
“Hm?”
At his inquisitive hum you fell into complaining about your managers and the long, tiring shifts you pulled.
It didn’t take you long in the car to get to the park however and you were soon jumping out. You gaped a little when John got out and joined you at the front of the car.
“Holy hell you’re tall, shit a brick,” you said, staring. You’d noticed he was broad at the café and he seemed to fill the cab of his pick-up, but he’d been slumped and seated both times so you’d assumed he was maybe creeping just below 6’ and the rest was his attitude that made him seem all encompassing. Looking at him stood up to his full height now was something else, even as he tucked his chin down and slumped his shoulders to speak with you. “I think we’ll have to sit at the back for this or someone might complain.”
John rolled his eyes but you saw the hint of a smile play at his lips as he agreed.
You led him eagerly to the crowd you could see gathering at the entrance of the outdoor stage; the front four rows of the small open air auditorium had been unfolded for the event, suggesting the size of the crowd expected. You both elected to take a seat on the back row as others started to head to the front, but he nudged you fondly when he saw you shift excitedly waiting for it to start.
John pulled out his phone when he felt it buzz in his pocket, but put it back when he saw it was just a reminder to sort out his tux for the wedding.
“Cute pic,” you said with a sly smile when you caught his lock screen. “We should take another, might be more convincing if we have more than one photo of us doing stuff together, right?”
John leant into your side and hesitantly wrapped his arm around you, stiff where it draped over the back of your seat, for the photo.
You were no better, your smile suddenly tight at the corners as you took a quick snap. You held your breath until he moved back, his aftershave surprisingly enticing and the warmth and weight of his arm too inviting.
It wouldn’t do for you to become attracted to John, not that it was something you could control, you knew. But maybe if you just wished it hard enough it wouldn’t make the weekend away with him more difficult than it had to be; falling for a man still blatantly in love with his ex never ended well for anyone.
You smiled a little weakly at him when nudged you again, nodding at the community group making their way onto the stage in front of the clapping crowd.
Maybe attraction would be fine you decided, already knowing how impulsively forgetful and weak-willed you got when your vibrator was between your legs - you could already imagine his name slipping through loose lips, and you couldn’t blame yourself for it as you sneakily took in his side profile - just as long as there were no real feelings from your side.
---
You’d graduated from texting to calling when John mentioned one night that he found it hard to multitask while at work. You’d offered to leave him alone and talk to him once he was done later but he’d been quick to interrupt, said instead that although he couldn’t text and write at the same time, he’d be fine talking and writing.
It’s how he found himself sat at his desk with his phone propped next to him on speaker, listening to you complain about the shitty restaurants near your work.
“I need to get back into meal prepping, or at least start buying something nicer pre-made to bring for lunch. If I have to eat another Greggs meal deal I think I’ll throw up, John,” you bemoaned.
“There’s a new place just opened up ‘round the corner to you, you know?” He said, checking over his team’s reports before signing them off. At your interested hum he continued. “Greek place I think. The sergeants went the other day, said it was a good menu and they’re usually quite picky about where they spend their free time together.”
“That sounds perfect, I’ll meet you there in twenty?” You asked rhetorically, already gathering your stuff to take your lunch break. “I can order for us both in case it takes you longer so it’ll be served by time you arrive. See you in a bit, bye!” You didn’t wait for him to confirm or reply in any capacity, too excited for a delicious lunch.
John stared down at his phone where the screen fell black through lack of use at the ended call. He took a moment to recount the conversation and where he’d gotten mixed up before reluctantly dropping his pen and grabbing his coat and keys.
He stopped by Simon’s office on his way out.
“I’m heading out for a quick lunch, won’t be back in time for that meeting with Laswell after all so you’ll need to take notes.” He waited for Simon’s nod before knocking once on the doorframe in thanks and leaving.
Sure he could’ve just sent you a quick text to correct you, or rang you back to explain it was just a recommendation and he didn’t have the time to join you.
But he didn’t want to. He wanted to go eat Greek food with you until you were humming happily and rubbing your soft stomach, comfortably full on more than a lukewarm pasty and sad looking iced donut. He wanted to hear about your day at work so far and what you’d been up to with your friends on Saturday evening when your replies had slowed down.
He wanted.
It had been a long time since John had felt that way. Given most of the people he’d consider friends were people he worked with and kept their personal lives close to their chests, it wasn’t often he wanted to do much more than spend a couple hours in a pub after a rough mission with them.
You were quickly solidifying yourself a space in John’s life as a friend, whether you knew it or not. Whether you liked it or not. And as a result, he didn’t want to leave you to eat on your own knowing you to be a social butterfly, even after such a short time. John was known to be protective - some had said possessive - of those he considered his. And being his friend meant that you would given the same effort of care and consideration that he gave his team, it just needed to be applied differently.
It wouldn’t be through proud shoulder pats after a mission well-done or through unshakeable confidence and trust when he put his life on the line stood side-by-side with the 141.
No, it would be pulling up to hole in the wall restaurants last minute so that you could spend your lunch a little happier than you were when you were sat at your desk.
He found you sat at the back table, the seat facing the front windows and door left free for him to take with silent appreciation.
The food was as good as Gaz and Soap had promised it would be and the sight of you scarfing down baklava before you had to head back to work had him grinning into his glass.
“Christ, I might have to get a to-go box of this for tonight,” you groaned lowly.
“Big plans?” John asked, clearing his throat.
“Just some DIY I’ve been putting off around the house, figure if I entice myself with a treat for after it’s done I’ll be more likely to actually do it.” You go to take your last bite before pausing and pointing at John. “And before you say it, I realise it sounds like how you train a puppy.”
John snorted, but a frown pulled low on his brow. “What needs fixing?”
“My front door is scraping low when I open it, hinges are loose I think. Nothing major but I’d rather not fuck it up, you know? But if I leave it any longer then I’ll need to pay someone to deal with some real damage,” you sighed. “So I’ve borrowed my neighbour’s drill.”
“I’ll do it for ya,” John offered out of nowhere.
“What? No, you don’t have to, you’re busy,” you declined.
“It’s fine, I’ll pop by later tonight. Just let me know when you’re home and I’ll swing by and sort it.”
“I, uh, ok. Sure, thanks, John. I appreciate it,” you said with a grateful, if not bemused, smile.
---
As soon as you opened the door that evening, John noticed how the bottom caught.
“Hi, do you want a drink? A tea?” You offered as you let him in.
“I’d love one, thanks, Sunshine.” He stepped inside and placed his drill case by the doorframe.
“Oh, you brought your own drill? You didn’t have to go home for it, did you?” You fretted as you headed towards the kitchen. “Did I not mention I’d borrowed my neighbour’s?”
“You did. But this was in the back of the truck from Simon borrowing it, it’s not a big deal,” John lied. He’d stopped off to grab it after your lunch together. “Wasn’t sure what your neighbour’s drill was going to be like, but I know this’ll get the job done proper.”
You bit back an amused smile and hummed your assent down the hall as you waited for the electric kettle to boil.
“Thanks again for helping out, John. I can get by doing my own DIY usually; not to brag but I’m kind of a pro at assembling IKEA furniture. Sometimes though it helps having a second person look it over too.” You walked back to the front door as you spoke and held his tea for him as he set up the drill to match the screws in the door.
“It’s no hassle,” he said before setting to work.
A quick three minutes later your door was once again in full working order, no longer sticking when it swung open and closed.
“Good as new,” he said. You passed him his drink, still hot, and grinned, leading him to sit on the couch for a moment. “If y’need anything else fixing up or looking at, just let me know. I’d be happy to help.”
“Opened the floodgates with that offer. You’ll be regretting it soon enough,” you said with a laugh. “This place is a bit of a fixer-upper, ‘s why I could afford it in the first place.”
“You’ve done a good job with it,” he said earnestly, looking around the cosy living room. Would be better if you weren’t alone, he thought suddenly, unbidden. He took a deep sip of his drink and avoided eye contact. “I like being useful, you might as well take advantage of it since no one else is at the moment.”
You smiled softly. “That’s all the permission I need.”
His phone vibrated in his pocket and he slipped it out to see a text from his mum.
>> Make sure your date isn’t wearing white, luv. I’m sure she’s a lovely girl, but we wouldn’t want to spoil Charlotte’s day would we? xxx
<< Her dress is green, nothing to worry about mum. xx
>> Green is a bold choice, must be quite the lady to pull that off! Give her my love. xxx
John sighed as he put his phone down and caught your eye in his peripheral.
He smiled tiredly to ease your worried frown.
“Just my mum checking in, she gives you her love,” he said.
“Mm. She gives you a headache,” you pointed out. “Wedding shit still?”
“It’s her prime focus right now. It’ll be done soon.”
“You want a paracetamol? I’ll top up your tea.” You reached forward for his empty cup.
“Got something stronger?” John asked hopefully.
You winced. “I’ve got a gin ‘n’ tonic in a can that my friend left the other day? Can’t even offer you a strong coffee because it’s decaf.”
“Jesus,” he groaned through a laugh. “Another tea it is.”
---
The morning of the wedding came sooner than you’d expected. The dress that you’d carefully hung on your wardrobe door to avoid creases all those weeks ago would finally be put to use.
You got up early enough to get yourself ready, nervousness unsettling your stomach enough that you stuck to only a slice of toast for breakfast with a strong coffee.
>> Setting off now, I’ll be at yours in 20.
<< you mean you’ll be here by 0900 🫡
>> Funny.
>> See you soon.
You chuckled to yourself as you grabbed your things so you were ready to go when John arrived and double checked everything was locked up for the weekend.
The knock on your door had your heart jump and pound double-time in your chest before you shook your hands out and told yourself to fucking chill. It was just John.
“Hi, you ready to— oh, you look, uhm…” John trailed off as he took in the flowing silk dress you’d bought. He’d seen it before, of course, but now seeing you in it and the way it clung to your curves and highlighted your plush tummy and wide hips had his tongue heavy and lost in his mouth. He swallowed thickly as he looked back up to your face, trying not to linger on the plunged neckline and what it did for your tits, and felt his cheeks redden when he noticed your own flustered, wide-eyed look as you stood and watched him. “You look very nice,” he finished lamely.
“Right, good, thanks.” You tried to force a laugh but your throat felt too dry, even as you grinned at his red cheeks. “You clean up pretty well too,” you said instead and reached your hand out to brush against the neatened trim of his beard, his muttonchops less pronounced.
He stiffened at the unexpected touch, not disliking it, but a memory of Charlotte doing something similar had him flinching back. Charlotte, he remembered, would usually only rub at his beard with a frown and ask when he was going to go clean shaven again.
You didn’t know that however and you snatched your hand back to your side as you felt a chill drop from your chest down to your toes like a bucket of cold water. “Sorry. I shouldn’t have done that,” you apologised.
“No, it’s fine. Just caught me off guard,” he said, trying to ease your suddenly tense shoulders and cursing himself for getting lost in old memories.
He led you to the car and held open the door for you, smiling when you thanked him and tucked in your dress to avoid its long length getting trapped in the door.
Once he was sat in the drivers seat he hesitated for a moment before turning to face you.
“‘M glad you like it,” he said with a quick gesture to his beard. “I was thinking about shaving it off for the occasion.”
You winced reflexively at the thought, teeth gritted and bared as you tried to picture him without facial hair. He let out a deep rumble of a laugh, throaty and unfiltered, as you tried to square your face back to a neutral expression, though your eyebrows wouldn’t pull back from their frown.
“I’m sure that would’ve looked… sweet,” you hedged carefully.
John only snorted.
You huffed and rolled your eyes. “Ok I’m a terrible liar,” you started, glaring when John muttered an amused, you don’t say. “If you want to shave and like how it looks, then we can detour back to yours and I’m sure you’ll look just as handsome in whatever photos you’re forced to pose for. But if you’re asking for my opinion? Then I think this suits you better, it’s more distinguished. You’d have looked too much like a banker if you’d shaved and wore a suit,” you said with an exaggerated shiver.
John hummed a chuckle, his shoulders shaking with it. “I’m sure the word you’re thinking of rhymes with banker, Sunshine.”
It was your turn to snort a laugh at that.
“Your words, not mine, John.”
“Cheeky. Put your bloody seatbelt on,” he huffed, a smile pulling at his lips as he started the car. “Suddenly thinking this drive might feel ten times longer than usual for some reason.”
You rolled your eyes and didn’t dignify his jab with a response. Tried not to focus on your pulse racing in excitement.
#john price x reader#went to an open air theatre a few weeks back and it was so fucking cool i had to add it in#suggested soapgaz#because i can’t help myself lmaooo#sorry everyone i fucking hate greggs i think its overpriced and tastes like cardboard#when i worked retail its all i ate and i wanted to kms and now im my current job we get donations from like whatever’s left from#the day before which means for the last six years my car has smelt like greggs and sometimes when i’ve forgotten lunch or tea at work#(depending on the hours im on) i’ve had to fucking eat greggs bc there was nothing else >:( so yeah hate that shit it’s always disappointin#trans john price#fat reader#john price
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There is a platonic explanation for all this. Right?
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#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#lan wangji#[accidental kiss] is a purposeful misspelling to reference an old meme. I will blast anyone who tries to correct me with the crunchiest png#The kiss looks like wwx is biting lwj's cheek....It *does* have the consistency of a soft marshmallow so he's not in the wrong.#Once again: wwx was never *ever* oblivious to the implications of the situation. On the contrary: this entire scene + the prior shows-#that he very much understands that this looks gay to the viewers.#He just doesn't think its possible to be loved like that. *Especially not by Lan Zhan.*#Do people forget that LWJ had 13 years to process his feelings VS WWX's (give or take) week?#This is the moment he realizes wwx has feelings and he HATES HIMSELF FOR IT. He feels like he's betraying lwj's trust!#The demi feeling of having spent so long in a comfortable platonic relationship and then getting struck by the 'oh shit' moment.#Its not a soft 'Oh' - Its a 'Oh god they are going to hate me and I can't bear that. I need to be so normal about this or else'.#Pour one out for all of us who've had to go through the trials of trying to conceal the painful realization of deeper affections.#Anyway. *both* lwj and wwx fall in love kicking and screaming and miserable and clawing at the walls about it.#Continuity acknowledgement: wwx's hands are unbound at this point but I had a hellish time with blocking and this was a bit easier.
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