#i had to stop using tumblr for a while cause every time her username came up i had a panic attack

[abyssal-endling]

Hey, so I'm here to talk about this. I'm the one in the screenshots about the Houston harassment. I've been sitting on this for a hot minute, so:

Below the cut.

DesBea regularly talked to me about gore without any TW, as well as torture (actually what was essentially torture p0rn), even when I would ask her to stop because it was triggering me. I mentioned a few times that I am not a big angst person due to my mental health and that it doesn't make me comfortable, and she... did not care at all.

She never checked on me regarding me taking down my fics. She never asked if I was okay, if I wanted to talk about it, or what happened. She instead immediately blamed Red for my nervous breakdown, even at one point stating that I had said something like "Red makes me upset when she hates on Houston" a statement that was COMPLETLEY AND UTTERLY FALSE. When I was new in the fandom, before I'd ever talked to Red, I'd said I was nervous because I didn't know the degree of the joking or not. That was it. I understood that these comments about Houston were light-hearted and joking after a short time. I had actually never even MENTIONED Red at any point other than that initial time.

In fact, she ONLY complained that I took down my NaviMind fics.

It got to a point where I asked her to stop DM'ing me and then blocked her. I was extremely uncomfortable and felt very unsafe around her, for reasons of being disrespectful to me and my trauma, as well as the complete disregard for boundaries.

My message in Discord was "Hey, I'm sorry that whatever is happening has been so devastating. You're taking it out on everyone else at this point by saying everyone is cruel and no one loves you. That's unfair to me and the rest of us who have tried to be kind. I dealt with this already in the past. My groomer, ex, and so many others would constantly talk about how no one loved them and would refuse to listen to how much it hurts, and how devastating it to listen to people say how no one loves them, and when people try their hardest to stay but end up being told that's its not enough and it means nothing. I love you, and I want the best for you. And I refuse to put myself through this again. I cannot do this. I wish you the best, and I hope you can keep writing and find a job you like. Please do not contact me again, not until you've gotten help."

She got on an alternate account to message me, telling me that it was unfair I didn't give her a chance to defend herself, that she was "not those people and shouldn't be compared", something about therapy not being worth it, and then more or less tried to justify her behavior with: "I'm doing this because I might be ace but I'm not aro." I still have no fucking idea what this meant, other than possibly doing this because she had feelings for me or someone else in the group.

I blocked that account. I also had a severe panic attack because she was doing the exact shit that the people I mentioned, and knew I had originally left tumblr due to a stalker. I still do not use tumblr much because I'm cautious of the number of alternative accounts she has.

She then started using Red's Ramblers to block evade me (until she got banned), and using ao3 as a way to block evade as well.

Other users I know for sure are her: metaphorsmybeloved powerflower119 paygang-lore-professor whyisthisposted

Another very small, random thing, is she would "scold" me if my fanfics didn't line up with what she felt was canon accurate. Like, told me "um this is wrong cause Bain's an alien" about some random shit that I just . did not care about.

On the DesBea situation:

I would've added my thoughts to the original post, but as I am not a part of their Discord server, I didn't think that that was any bit appropriate. However, I wanted to share some of my own personal experiences with her, so that y'all can see that her behavior in their server is a continuing pattern--I don't have pictures of what she said as proof, sadly, but I will explain why.

I'm also gonna slap this under a Read More. I apologize for its length, but the original callout post should be enough of an explanation as to why this post needs to be as long as it is.

And, as a quick aside, if any of you wish to completely block DesBea, NOT HARASS HER OR FEED INTO HER BEHAVIOR IN ANY WAY, be aware that her usernames are:

commence-screaming

des-paa-cee-toeee

pd3thoughts

If any of you know of any more, please tell me, and I will update this post. I don't want to be around her anymore than most people who've also interacted with her do.

About 2 years ago, I was invited to lilspacewolfie's server, Red's Ramblers, and I very quickly became a moderator there. Over time some people joined and a few left, but Ramblers remained stable through it all. DesBea joined later on into the server's lifespan, was around for awhile, said some nasty things, was given a warning (in the general), and just left without saying anything one day. After reading the screenshots in the callout post, I'm actually quite surprised by how much of a fit she threw in her efforts to make you guys apologize to her. Much like in the original post, with her gone from the server, things improved for everyone else, but the whole ordeal was rather confusing for all of us, in the aftermath.

See, DesBea was trying to be just as harmful in Ramblers, but it never really went anywhere.

Her hateful and self-pitying tendencies were the same around us as it was in their server. She really loved to talk shit about Yadoking and her writing--she would do this both in passing on random posts in the server, and while some of us were in-call when we'd play Payday 2 together as a group. It never smacked of genuine criticism for Yado's writing ability or style, as she only ever used childish language when doing it, and she would always do it right before she would try to push her own ideas and fics onto any of us who were online at the time. She was even trying to bully lilspacewolfie--which I will go more into later--over the tiniest of things. DesBea, in all of her posts, was either pushing someone else down, trying to make us all read about her rather disturbing fic ideas or headcanons, or trying to make herself look like the victim by claiming that she 'had bad experiences with abuse in the past' and that her 'PTSD was triggered over something someone in Ramblers had said' when we were trying to halt her bullshit.

It was all very aggravating to deal with, to say the least, but it also didn't have very much staying power, since most of us were just ignoring her in the server. And I do mean that, as most of the users in the Ramblers Discord server refused to interact with her posts over time, and people usually ignored her whenever she tried to insert herself into their conversations. It's probably why she left without much of a fight when lilspacewolfie posted "If you're being an asshole in this server, you better stop that shit right now" in the general chat. (That's not what she said, but y'all get the jist.)

Now, as for her bullying behavior in the server, I can't say for certain if she was targeting anyone besides lilspacewolfie (and badmouthing Yado from time to time, who wasn't even in the server), as I'm not a very outgoing or talkative individual. Despite the length of this post, I'm naturally quite taciturn, and even though I was a moderator in Ramblers, nobody in the server ever messaged me about any issues that they were having with anyone. But, I can say with accuracy that DesBea would go out of her way to harass lilspacewolfie--the creator and owner of the Red's Ramblers Discord server. Whenever she would join calls while we were playing together (but she was just watching from the server), she would only ever type in the voice chat channel, where she would wax poetic about her own fics and get rather offended that 'lilspacewolfie was intentionally ignoring her'. If we were playing a game of Payday 2 with her, DesBea would intentionally follow lilspacewolfie around as a character that she didn't particularly care for and spam callouts to scare and irritate her. And, when another user in the server was having an issue that caused them a lot of distress and made them go quiet for awhile (which had nothing to do with anyone or anything in Ramblers, when they were asked about it), DesBea tried to blame lilspacewolfie for it based on a lighthearted joke that she had made that dogged on Houston. So, not only was she trying to harass lilspacewolfie, but she was actively trying to turn others in the server against the owner of the Discord, as if she could muscle her out by making her out to be a villain.

Over a joke about a FICTIONAL character.

Because she started insinuating that lilspacewolfie had caused another user to 'go into a depressive spiral, and chased them away from the server with her insensitive comments about Houston', I got involved to shut that shit down. DesBea was always weirdly attached to me, because she had DM'd me a few times on Tumblr in the past. I can only guess that she thought that these few smatterings of messages made me her friend, and since, apparently, some people here think of me as being "Mr. John Payday", she figured that she could use me as an intimidating wall to hide behind whenever she was called out on her bullshit.

She was wrong.

After a while of still trying to get others in the server to hate lilspacewolfie for 'being mean to one of the other users in the server'--who ended up coming back once their mental health had improved, by the way--she finally left after the "Stop being a dick" post, and it took us a couple days to notice. So, all-in-all, it was a very weird and irritating experience, but, in this context, it shows a worrying trend of behavior that she ended up spreading to other servers.

Now, like I kind of glossed over earlier, I WAS a moderator in Red's Ramblers. (I ended up leaving the server last month due to personal reasons that're not germane to this situation, and I have no desire to talk about it on this forum.) As I was still a mod before I left, I took the time to delete every post and reaction made by people who were no longer in the server--this amounted to 7 people, DesBea included. So, all of her posts that I could've screencapped as evidence are gone, and even if they were still there, I wouldn't have access to them anymore, anyway. In fact, the only thing that I have left is this picture I took of my response to her whole "You're a bad person for hating Houston" spiel that she was going on and on about:

(I censored this to give some privacy to the person who DesBea tried to use as a cudgel to smack lilspacewolfie with blame for their condition at the time. Even though most people here probably won't recognize them from their in-server nickname, I didn't want to take any chances.)

But, anyway, as you have read from the callout post and these personal anecdotes that I have provided, her behavior in their server was an unsurprising, but also a very worrying trend that has effected at least 2 Discord servers and a good chunk of some of the people who were or still are in the Payday fandom.

If anything that y'all have read over these posts has angered any of y'all to the point of harassing her, PLEASE DON'T. Don't send her hate--anonymously or not. Don't engage with her. Just block her and make sure that others in the fandom are aware of her behavior, so they can avoid her if they wish to as well.

And, again, please tell me if she's operating under any usernames other than the ones I've listed. I was tired of her bullshit a long time ago, and I have no desire to entertain her further under yet another pseudonym.

[nootgi]

Control - MLQC Victor

Victor. In all of Loveland city this man was known as a successful and stoic CEO. His face always had a look of indifference and never showed what was ticking away in his mind. His sharp eyes gleamed dominance and control, just a glare could leave someone shaking in their boots. When the tabloids tried to press and probe into his life, they found nothing but empty rumours and dead ends. He's kept tight reigns on his personal life. No-one could imagine what he does in his personal life. No-one knows what the stone faced CEO does in his free time. No-one except me.

A:N:// this is me posting from my ao3 account onto tumblr! if you wanna read it there my username is the same as my tumblr! Anyways this was from a while back during my pegging spree- 

Word Count: 2130

Warnings: Bottom Victor, Nipple clamps, Bondage and a whole lotta teasing

When I had first met Victor, he walked into the building with people flying around him to bow and appear busy. He oozed confidence from the way his shoulders were pulled back and how his long strides made it seem like he was gliding with each step. His hair shined in the sun, making my fingers itch to run through it. When he stood in front of me, he was looking down at me, literally and figuratively. I was practically eye level with his chest and thought to myself 'Does he really need that tight of a shirt!?' The shirt practically stuck to his chest, showing the perfect slope of his pecs and his small waist. His shadow had literally swallowed me up as he towered over me and there was that infuriatingly cocky smirk on his face when he challenged me. What I would do to wipe that off his face.

Monday, 1:55pm.

Lunch was just coming to an end as tired workers made their way back to the office. The building once again bustled with life as Goldman rushed out of the elevator. He was off schedule a little, he and Victor needed to leave ASAP to even reach the meeting on time. He silently prayed for himself as he reached for the handle of Victor's office door. Suddenly the sound of footsteps, telephones ringing and everyone paused. Silence.

From the silence sounded out a whimper. "Are you ready for your challenge Victor?"

In the center of the open office space was Victor, kneeling. His arms offered him no support as they were tied behind his back with the purple tie he was previously wearing. Moments before the pause he was sitting at his desk till a certain dummy had walked in with her swaying hips and sultry eyes. His neat shirt was undone and his chest was littered with countless lipstick stains and bite marks. Each left with a painstakingly slow pace, fueling the fire burning inside of Victor even more. Her kisses had trailed down his torso, avoiding his nipples, only leaving feather-like touches on them. Every touch from her felt scorching, like her hands were trying to burn themselves into Victor's mind. Feel her even when she's not there. The pants she took off next with swift hands, leaving Victor bare in his office. The cold air from the AC was a sharp contrast to the throbbing heat between Victor's legs, unconsciously he bucked his hips drawing a laugh out of her. Her hands instantly went exploring the newfound expanse, from his feet to his thighs. She massaged her way up, slowly removing the tenseness from the muscles. She always knew the right places to calm his body down. Behind her hands followed her lips, each press made his body melt and just as he was fully relaxed a sharp bite was left of his inner thigh. Startled, he let a moan slip from his lips and fill the silent office. As it echoed around the room, a beautiful red blush bloomed on Victor's chest and cheeks. She always said red looked amazing on him.

Victor glanced at the clock that read 1:45pm and sighed realising that the foreplay has dragged on a little too long. "You've had your fun teasing me but now it's time to--" Victor began to speak, "Who said the fun was over Victor~?" Her voice was low in his ears, the evil in her laugh made the hairs stand up on the back of his neck. "I don't think so." Victor picking up on she meant, instantly rejected. "Why? You don't think you could be a good boy and show me how strong you are?" As she was speaking, her fingers came up to run through his hair. Victor leans into her touch, enjoying her soft touch. The thought of praise caused the breath to catch in his throat. "Prove it to me Victor, show me how amazing you really are." Her voice caused Victor's body to shiver in anticipation as he nodded eagerly. "I accept, though I doubt a dummy like you could do much to make me lose control." Her eyes shone with determination the moment Victor let that comment out.

"You forget who's in control now."

1:54pm, Victor was tied up with red rope in the middle of his office. His thighs were tied to his calves and kept from touching with a metal bar behind his knees. His cock was left exposed to the world and to make matters (fun) worse, he was facing the door in this position. 'Did she lock it?' as if reading his thoughts she smirked and shook her head. 'I don't need it to be locked. I'll win.' On his tip there was a small vibrator taped against it, the setting currently on a low vibration. There was another vibrator sat below his shaft and slightly touching his balls, leaving much to be desired. Just below that sat the jewel head of a plug, that was slowly inserted into Victor. He was a sight to behold. His back was straight and shoulders pushed back. He held his head high, purple orbs glazed over with intense lust and concentration. It would appear nothing was bothering him if not for that tremble on his lips.

Victor picked up on the hurried footsteps of Goldman and the second the minute hand moved, time had paused. His heartbeat started to race, now feeling the stakes of their challenge. If he loses control, he will be shamed and humiliated.

"Let's begin." She was now seated at his desk, her newly done nails tapping against the wood. The challenge is to hold time till she is finished with the work she has to do. If he does it successfully there is promise of having her ruin him. The very thought of having her thrust into him steals his nerves and motivates him.

The first ten minutes is uneventful, the constant vibrations are slowly making his tip leak and the liquid is somehow making the vibrations more intense. His muscles are starting to cramp a little causing his body to shift, as he moved his weight onto one knee, the ropes contracted. The rough dig into his skin made him groan and he just knew marks will be left. He tried to peek a look towards the woman and a whine almost slipped past his lips when he had noticed she never even looked his way once. As if feeling his stare her hand rises, holding a remote. The increase in intensity on his cock gave some clue as to what the remote was for. Her eyes lit up in amusement when a choked moan fell from his lips.

"Keep your eyes forward." The ice in her voice left no room for disobedience. His eyes move back to the door handle instantly. His body started to shake, feeling the toll of freezing time and the stimulation. He stares at the door handle, trying to ground himself and zones out.

His concentration is broken when he hears the clicking of heels approach him. His smug smile started to appear thinking that his victory was secured.

"That's all? I thought you were going--" His words were cut off when the sound of chains came from her hands. She crouched down and there was a sneer on her lips.

"You think that low of me, Sir?" Her lip curved up into a cruel smile and the source of the noise was revealed. Nipple clamps. There was a sharp intake of breath as the metal was snapped onto his flesh. Holding the clamps together was a chain which she used as support to lift herself to stand. The tug made a cry leave Victor, to the girl it wasn't hoarse enough too much clarity. She stood over Victor, drawing his face by the chin to look up to her. Her manicured nails felt so good against his scalp when they ran through his raven locks. Her other hand caressed his clenched jaw, soothing the intense look on Victor's face.

"Hmm, you're doing so well baby." That simple praise made Victor arch his back. The amusement that burnt in her eyes were clouded by lust. Victor again was left in the middle of his room, the clamps starting to make his nipples sore.

Another half hour passes when she comes back. She lightly taps on the clamps, making Victor cry out. There's a small laugh as her hands make her way down his chest. They skip over his neglected cock and straight towards the plug. With one push, Victor was sprawled on his back and legs spread in the air. She ran her nails along the back of his thighs, light red streaks following behind. Her fingers wrap around the base of the plug and Victor holds his breath. She pulls it out till the tip is left and pushes it back in instantly. She relentlessly thrusts the plug into Victor's ass. There's a snide smile as Victor writhes underneath her, his legs trying close but the metal bar prevents him. His back arches perfectly off the office rug, his small waist begging for hands to wrap around it. As the thrusts begin to pick up speed, Victor feels his mind slipping away from him. His moans are starting to become unrestrained and drawn out. When he feels his orgasm approaching, everything stops. His eyes snap open, he hadn't realised they had shut, and he looks towards the woman confused. She says nothing as she lifts Victor back onto his knees by his shoulder.

He's back to facing the door but the girl doesn't leave him. She moves behind him, her hands lingering around him. Leaving every nerve on edge.

"Is this what you call working?" His voice was shaky to start with but regained its bite towards the end.

"The report is being uploaded. Till it is done, I'm not finished." Victor felt her hands wrap around his torso. One trails up to tug on the chain and the other wraps around his cock. He falls back into her touch, head resting back on her shoulder. Victor looks up at her, mouth gaping open as the sensations take over his body once again. Her cool hand on his cock made him jerk hips and the vibrators shifted down. The vibrations were now concentrated on his balls, causing more ecstasy to run through his veins. Her hands leave his shaft and move lower, back to the plug. She moves her lips to his ears, kissing the shell before whispering.

"Will you be good?" The whimper from Victor was all she needed to continue her actions.

In the middle of his office, Victor was on the floor in the arms of the one he loved the most. Falling apart in the most delicious way. The stinging pain of his nipples, the torturous vibrations on his balls and the fast thrust of the plug made his mind break. The more he lost his control, the louder the moans grew. His thighs quivered, toes curling as he felt the familiar peak approaching. One last tug of the clamps bought Victor's ruin down on him. The burning in the pit of his stomach finally exploded out, coating his chest. He's left panting against her chest and as he comes down from his high is only then when he realises. Goldman was rattling the door handle and knocking confused. Then to his left sounded the ding of a completed file. She knew he’d lose.

Victor looks back towards her, eyes glazed over from his orgasm. In her eyes he looked like a lost puppy.

"You lost." Her lips were pulled into a victorious grin and honestly seeing that glee on her face was worth the loss. Victor, too enraptured in her, didn't notice Goldman leaving. She begins to kiss down his jaw, sweet praises leaving her lips to relax Victor's body. He whines against her lips to remove the vibrators and she laughs softly whilst removing them. Victor tended to get silent after an intense orgasm, his voice often hoarse from the constant crying out. There were tender kisses placed onto his nipples as the clamps were removed. Once everything was removed and cleaned, he moved to the couch, laying on top of the girl. She held his head against her chest, fingers running through his hair. Reassuring him that he did well even though he lost.

"The report better be good." He says begrudgingly after a beat of silence.

Only she knew how to take apart the composed character Victor had built. Only she knew how he spent his time. Only she knew how to make him lose control.

[andaleduardo]

Where, besides Tumblr, can people find you doing fannish things? (Obviously only mention sites and usernames you actually want to be found at. Don’t expose your secret identities on my account.)

What other names have you gone by on these platforms, including Tumblr, if any?

When did you join the IT fandom? And what got you into fandom, to begin with?

What are your favorite ships, or characters, if any, and why? What do they mean to you?

In what ways do you participate in fandom? (ex. Posting memes, reblogging/commenting on content, writing fanfic, making fanart, creating fanmixes, etc.)

Do you have any in-fandom inspirations? Other members of the community that drive you? (And if you have the time/energy, in what ways do they inspire you?)

Name and link some of your favorite works, please!

Do you have any works of your own that you feel particularly proud of, or wish more people would’ve consumed? Please provide links if possible.

Have you ever participated in a fannish event (ie. IT Week, a fic Big Bang) or applied to be a part of a fanzine? If so, which ones, and can you please link them?

Without any form of bashing or lashing out, what is something you feel this fandom is missing?

We’ve talked about it before but I wanna thank you one more time for all the thought you put into these questions and for sending them to me, honestly <33

Okay this is probably going to be a long post I’m sorry in advance,,

- Besides tumblr and AO3 (it’s the same username) I don’t have any more fannish accounts, I have a twitter so I can keep up with the IT content over there but my account is private I don’t really interact there I just observe 👀

- Jesus what a good question, my first name on tumblr was eds-spagheds, that was also my first name on AO3, but then the second movie came out and I had to make good use of that iconic line

- Okay buckle up I love this story. So, It chapter one came out in 2017, but I hate horror movies with a passion, I never watch them, so when my friends asked me to come see it with them I said no, right. Fast forward one year. One random day in high school I think I caught the flu or something and I was feeling like absolute CRAP but me and my friend (the same one that invited me to see It on the cinema) had already made plans for that afternoon, that were: watch IT chapter one at her house. I tell you, I was laying on her couch having fever dreams while we waited for another friend of ours to show up, I was thinking to myself, I’m gonna go home, I feel like shit I don’t want to watch a horror movie that I’m gonna have nightmares about tonight. Anyway, I didn’t leave, they convinced me because they said “you love stranger things you’ll love this too”. The three of us sat down to watch the movie. Me, a dumbass, said this on the first seconds of the movie: “Can you imagine how bad it must feel to enter a fandom based on a movie? Like, with stranger things you can rewatch all the seasons but with a movie it’s just, the same 2 hours to obsess over and over.” No, I didn’t know there was a book, mini-series, or a second part. Yes, I got to know them all in the following months because as soon as I finished the movie I knew that was it for me.

- Okay favorite ships? We’re all tired of this answer but reddie. However, I like every single ship imaginable between the 7 of them, to me they’re all soulmates and I love all the dynamics possible. I lovE all of them, ships and characters. I think I related most to Ben, because of the unrequited love, body image and food issues. That part on the book about Ben’s mom feeding him unhealthy things and him trying to eat better and then the guilt trip? man, that hit too close. But like many people say, we all relate to every loser in a different way.

- Sighs. I don’t really participate anymore... First 2 years I was on fire with content, I did fanart and wrote prompts, one shots, full fics.. now I literally just reblog things and try to give love to the artists. I guess you can say I’m retired

- That’s a difficult question, all of the art I see inspires me, all of the fics I love inspire me, before, I guess they inspired me to create my own content for the fandom but since I don’t create anymore, they just, make my day really much better. I appreciate every single content creator of this fandom, you don’t know how much joy it brings me

- Okay okay!! This is impossible to get right because I will forget many many people for sure but over all this time there’s some works that really stick with me and that I think about every other day:

a (number) neighborhood of seven by  BookRockShooter

I Might Be Dreaming (I Might Be Dead) by batwake

two falling sparks  by zach_stone

Predicament Bondage  by dgalerab

Now What I'm Gonna Say May Sound Indelicate by IfItHollers

& That's For All Time  by  tossertozier (rednoseredhair)

In Over Your Chest is Way Too Deep (AKA Surf Bois) by speakslow

5555 by weepies

- Yes! I wrote a handful of things but my absolute favorite one is this: Late at night when I like who I am, in the dark where I’m finally me

- No :( Sadly I never participated in any fandom event as a creator, but I love to see everyone’s work when one happens ! I bought the loser’s zine and it’s my most prized possession

- Hmmmm tough question, I think a little more empathy? There are so many kind and amazing people here but there are also some people who are... not. I see a lot of discourse over useless things like adults being in the fandom is somehow bad because the losers were once kids? like, are we forgetting this story follows these people from their childhoods through their adulthoods? And are we supposed to stop liking things after we turn 20 or? And when people who write Richie’s parents as bad parents are regarded as edgy teens who just want to cause Richie pain??? like what the....? so many people have only watched the movies and i’m sorry but in the movies there’s nothing that shows Richie’s parents as good parents, that’s only in the book, why do we attack these people then? maybe they relate to Richie and they have bad households, don’t we all project ourselves on our favorite characters?

Anyway, that’s all from me, if anyone reads this far I’ll be impressed but I had a lot of fun with these 👉👈

[chosenkeepersworld]

The Curses We Inherit - Chapter 6

Original Work

Date Posted: June 30, 2021 (Tumblr)

Word count: 1, 757 words

A/N: Work is unbeta'd but I do hope you'll still enjoy reading it. Comments are always appreciated! And if you can't wait to read what happens next, this story is also up on Wattpad (under username ChosenKeeper0971) but with way more chapters, I appreciate your support there too!

Thank you so much and happy reading :) Masterlist / Part 5

Sunlight streamed through the slit between the curtains, stretching toward the bed.

Danika groaned and squeezed her eyes shut tighter when the light hit her face, whining the blonde lifted the blanket over her head as she turned on her other side. Her head was pounding and the young woman could feel all her muscles ache. Her mouth felt so dry it was like there was sand in her mouth. Danika stretched her arm but froze when she felt a warm body next to her.

Panic coursed through her and the young blonde yelped and tried to scramble off the bed, but tripped when her feet got tangled up with the sheets.

"What are you doing?" a sleepy voice asked

The young O'Brien twisted until she could face her bedmate, she knew that voice well enough seeing as she spent an entire day yesterday with her.

"What am I doing?" Danika exclaimed "What about you? Why are you in my bed?"

Jacqueline sat up and yawned "The drinks last night really did a number on you didn't they"

"What?" it was not often that Danika would drink so much that she would get a hangover and forget the events of the night before.

Jac sighed "Alright let's start from after we left Krysa's shop"

******************

The sky was darkening when Jacqueline offered to drive Danika back to her aunt's house. Aileen had called her niece earlier to inform her that there was a business emergency and needed to return home. The blue eyed woman, overhearing the conversation and concerned for Danika's safety, volunteered to bring her back.

"You really don't need to bring me all the way home" Danika said, fidgeting in her seat.

Jacqueline backed out onto the main road "Absolutely not! You are my friend and I should at least make sure you get home alright"

Danika fell silent.

Friends. Majority of the blonde's life was propriety and phoney smiles, friendships were never easy or sincere. There was always a motive to someone's actions, it was exhausting to a child.

But now, there was this stranger with an easy smile and open expression offering friendship. A true and real friendship.

Maybe it was the exhaustion or the overwhelming feeling of loneliness that's been present since her childhood but Danika could only feel something light settle in her chest. She quieted, smiling in her seat as her new friend drove on.

They arrived at Aileen's home by dinner to which the older O'Brien invited Jac to, insisting all the while that the brunette should have something in her stomach before she went home. With that Aileen left them to rest and wash up before the meal, Jac was too stunned to make any protest.

The events of the day had been exhausting and Danika was in need of a good wine on days like this.

Much to the youngest O'Brien's relief her aunt felt the same way, or just took a look at her niece's face and thought she could use a drink.

Once the wine was poured Danika snatched up the glass and brought it closer to her face, sniffed delicately at the pale lemon colored drink then sipped. Danika closed her eyes and sighed in pleasure.

At the sound Jac and Aileen exchanged smiles before drinking the wine from their glasses.

Time and wine flowed as the moon rose higher and higher in the sky. The youngest O'Brien resisted, insisting on drinking more, trying her hardest to drown her emotions.

It wasn't difficult getting the glass and the fourth bottle of wine away from the drunken girl but Jacqueline, just as drunk or arguably more, had difficulty moving her limbs properly.

The two burst into Danika's bedroom with Aileen behind them, tipsy but still aware enough to get two young women into bed before collapsing into her own.

******************

It was officially day three of the young heiress' trip but she still had no leads and she was losing time. Danika was restless, during breakfast she was constantly fidgeting, playing with her food and refilling her water every time she took a small sip.

"Do you want me to talk to her or do you want to do it?" Jac whispered

Aileen sighed "I'll talk to her. I have an idea on what might be bothering her."

As the older woman stood up a ringing could be heard from from the entrance. "I'll get it" Jacqueline hopped out from her seat and headed to the front door, allowing the O'Brien women to have some privacy.

Danika lifted her head when she heard the taller girl speak but Jacqueline was already out of the room.

Silently, Aileen went over to her niece and set down two sets of cups and a steaming pot of tea.

Aileen poured the tea in both cups and pushed one toward the younger woman.

"Whenever I was feeling...off, my mother could always tell and would make tea to comfort me" she lifted the cup to sip at the hot drink "After dinner, and after you went up to your room, Jacqueline and I had a few drinks and she mentioned that you're looking for a 'very fancy necklace'"

Danika froze, her eyes were wide as she stared up at her aunt's face. The younger O'Brien had always kept her reasons for coming to the island to herself. Danika knew that the reason would be considered ridiculous to a lot of people.

"My mother told me the story too, Mo stoirín" Aileen reminded her gently. "She told the story every chance she could, during bedtime, dinners, family gatherings. It's impossible to forget. A prince makes a choice, the woman who loves him dies because of those choices and a friend who loved her curses him and his descendants' loved ones to die, forcing his entire line to feel the same way she did. Now that I think about it, it is not an appropriate story for children" she said thoughtfully, a sad, far away look entered her eyes.

Danika looked away, turning to watch the trees sway in the light breeze. She had forgotten that it wasn't just her who had lost someone important, everyone in her father's family had lost someone too. Her mind drifted back to Sean and Cara starting their own family and shivered.

The young woman turned back to her aunt "Do you believe it?"

Aileen took a long sip of her tea "Why does my opinion matter?"

"Don't you think I'm being ridiculous? Still believing in fairy tales after all these years" Danika asked

Aileen sighed "There are times when I do believe and there are times when I don't, but my opinion shouldn't matter. What's important is what this little quest means for you. Will you finally find peace after everything?"

Danika fell silent again, there were still things she had to think about.

Loud footsteps could be heard racing down the hallway and Jacqueline was back, panting "Hey, uh Danika you need to come with us right now. We might find a potential lead to that fancy necklace you're looking for"

The blonde could only blink "We?"

Outside, Danika was surprised to find Krysanthe standing by Jacqueline's car, the short blonde smiled shyly at the two as they came closer.

"Good morning Danika." she greeted "I hope you're well this morning"

"I'm..." Danika paused, trying to find the right word "fine-ish" she then frowned "Why don't you come inside to talk. Jac said you had a lead"

"Actually, I need you to come with me. The lead is back at the Antique Shop"

A little later the trio arrived at the store. Krysanthe quickly unlocked the door and went in, Jacqueline and Danika followed her inside.

The store was actually quite large inside, the first thing people would see upon entering the establishment was the counter and register, the rest of the store were the different items displayed for customers. There were two other doors in the store, one on the other side of the store and one behind the counter.

"What made you change your mind?" Danika asked taking in the contents of the store, there were a variety of items, and while the young heiress couldn't be sure of the details she could tell by the quality of some items that they should be more expensive than the price displayed.

"Jacqueline forwarded a picture of the necklace and honestly I have personal interest in the necklace." Krysanthe admitted "The necklace has been in this shop since I was a child, when I saw it something just came over me. I kept going back to look at it whenever I could even though I was prohibited from going anywhere near it.

"One day the owner of the store found me really close to touching it and essentially locked me out of the store for almost a week. By the time she let me back in here, the necklace was gone." Krysanthe continued as she went behind the counter to unlock the door behind it.

"Follow me." Krysanthe took a step forward before stopping to face Jacqueline.

"Touch. Nothing." the shorter girl said with a hard glare.

Jacqueline gasped dramatically, putting her hand on her chest "How dare you assume I would cause any damage just by touching-"

Krysanthe raised an eyebrow "You caused almost eighteen thousand euros worth of damages in my flower shop just by touching the display"

Pink stained the brunette's cheeks, she laughed sheepishly "Oh right, I forgot about that"

Behind the counter was a small office, the room itself had minimal decor but there was a desk at the center of the room with four metal cabinets behind it. On the desk was a computer and a few personal items.

Krysanthe made quick work going through the drawers of the cabinet before pulling out a folder, she sifted through the papers before pulling one from the pile.

"Alright, so there was a meeting set up earlier this month for the necklace, the buyer came and they discussed the terms of the sale" Krysanthe's face fell as she read through the page

"Does that mean we can't get it now?"

The shorter woman flipped through the pages and her face brightened "The buyer wanted the necklace for an auction" the dark blonde grinned "We still have a chance"

Danika moved closer, peeking over the woman's shoulder "When's the auction?"

"It's..." her green eyes scanned the paper, her eyes widened and her face twisted in distress "Three days from now" Taglist: @mel-writes-with-her-dragons @dustylovelyrun @woodhousejay

[alisondepartedbear]

Just Breathe

Everything is not what it seems in Swellview, a kidnapper is running amok while Henry faces some challenging trials in his life. The boy most overcome what is inside to deal with major life changes.

Part One / Part Two / Part Three / Part Four

Can be found on wattpad and fanfiction.net, usernames in tumblr bio

^^^^^^^^^

Chapter Five

The police station smelled like burnt coffee and mildew rotted paper. Just from walking in here, my nose started to run. Inside a questioning room, Elena and her parents were crying over each other, thankful for more days together. Watching them made my heart swell and want to call my sister, I couldn't imagine thinking you'd never see someone again because of some monster human.

Outside the room stood Captain Man, Officer Bladell, and myself arguing.

"I found her. Therefore I take her statement." Captain Man's voice booms in the hallway.

Officer Bladell laughs sarcastically, jutting out his hip to rest on the wall. "Well Captain Underpants, you have no say so here. This is my house."

"Actually-" I begin before Bladell cuts me off.

He waves his hand in my face. "Cool it, kid. Convo for grown ups."

I'm not sure if I've ever wanted to hit a man so intensely before. Balling my hands into fits I put them behind back and squeeze my nails into the palm. Someone walks by and a whiff of mildew comes in causing me to sniffle so no snot fell from my nose.

"Aw, little baby boy, gonna cry."

"I'm gonna hit you, man!" I scream pulling my fist back.

"Hey, hey," Captain Man grabs my waist while I try to grab Officer Bladell's hair.

"Wow, Kid Danger, what's going?" Detective Shapiro shows up with his Skyscraper cup. How much coffee does he drink?

"This chub won't let us take Elena Gilbert's statement even though we have the authority to."

"You don't, you child!" Officer Bladell's cheeks turn a ruddy red.

"They do, actually." Detective Shapiro says taking a sip. "Just two weeks ago Captain Man graduated from the police academy. He is much apart of the force as you are, Bladell. Now let him do his job."

Officer Bladell's fists tighten and he huffs out an angry breath before stomping out the back alley door of the precinct. A brief silence falls over us before the detective clears his throat.

"Well," He taps his foot. "Shall we?"

Captain Man asks Elena's parents to leave the room while I sit at the table across from her. She gives me a wiry smile and plays with her fingers. "Do you need water or a snack?" I ask unsure what to say to her.

She shakes her head and folds her hands.

Captain Man comes to sit next to me before clicking a pen open. He flips his little notepad open and smiles up at Elena. "Elena, will be needing to go through your schedule on the day you were abducted. Now if you begin to feel uncomfortable at anytime, tell us and we'll stop."

Elena's blond hair slides off her shoulder as she nods. "I understand."

Elena starts explaining her day. She had woken up around 7:30 to the sound of her mother making breakfast in the kitchen. After eating, she walked to the nearest bus stop to get a ride to school.

"Everything seemed normal," She shrugs running her finger around her pointer fingernail. "That evening my parents and I went to Junk'n'Stuf to strictly browse. My mom told me we couldn't get anything since we had to pay rent this week. But I saw a mini porcelain ballerina and begged her to get it for me. When she said no, I screamed in her face and walked out."

Elena leans forward on her elbow and uses her hand to cover her eyes as she looks down. "I got so mad and I kept running. But when I turned on Salvatore there was a van, a black van. Of course, I'm not stupid...I didn't want to walk anywhere near it so I crossed the street. Then I heard a voice call for me. They knew my name. I stopped but I didn't get to turn around." She places a hand on the back of her head. "I think he hit me, or injected me with something because everything went black."

I hand a tissue to her when I see a tear drop to the table. The room stays quiet for a few moments and then the AC turns on. Elena leans back in her chair and looks up towards the vent letting it hit her face. Her cheeks were red.

"Are you ready to continue?" Captain asks putting a gloved hand on her's.

She nods licking her lips and taking a breath. "When I came to, it was dark and green."

"Green?"

She nods again. "There was a green glow that came from a pool. It looked just like jello with the bubbles inside and steam always rose from it. Its what he put in us."

"H-he put things inside you?" I couldn't control my voice.

"Just whatever that was," With every word, she never waivers. "I noticed tubes in both my nostrils, the green goo running through them. There was such a disgusting burn in my throat. I tried to move my body but nothing happened until I flung my arm backwards hitting flimsy rubber. I could feel something move in my ear which I just think were more tubes. Then I saw the boy. He was hooked up like me. Big, metal handles were clamped around his waist. I tried to see if I was like that but my head wouldn't move. His head though...it just hung there. I called after him but he never moved."

Elena takes a moment before continuing. "I was there for a long time before he came in."

"Who do you believe this he was?"

"The man who kidnapped me,"

"Can you explain him? Features? The way he walked?"

She thinks about it, tilting her head side to side. "He wore dark jeans and regular tshirts but always wore a Nixon mask."

"Richard Nixon?"

She nods. "He was always so cocky. Talking how clueless the police are, how they couldn't follow a clue even if it was right next to them." Her fingers tap on the metal table. "He took something from us, something blue. Almost like the green goo. It was collected in beakers that he drank from." Elena shudders.

Captain Man wrote profusely in his notepad so I took the next question. "How did you escape?

A smile forms on Elena. She shakes her head. "He made me to take showers twice a day. He'd walk to the facility with me and stand outside the door. I kept the water running and waited until I heard him walk away. He's stupid. I simply walked out, and found the stairs. At the top, there was a metal latch door that opened up. I crawled through it to find myself in the woods. So I started running, running so fast." She takes a deep breath and wipes a tear away. "I didn't know I could go that fast. I heard the latch open and him scream for me. Saying I'd die out there alone. But then the door slammed shut and I heard a car start. But I didn't see any road near the opening so I think it was hidden or camouflaged. I ran until I saw a sign splitting the wood between Neighborville and Swellview. I figure that I was close to the park so I just continued. Then I saw your uniforms and knew I was saved."

Captain Man nods, doting and crossing his letters. He looks back up and smiles at Elena. "Did you notice anything special while you were walking through the dungeon?"

Elena nods. "He had a police uniform on the floor near the entrance. A real uniform, not some costume. I think he's on the force." She whispers.

"So did she say anything good?" Detective Shapiro asks. He was sitting at his desk with his feet propped on it, swirling his Skyscraper cup around.

"That and then some," Captain Man says sitting opposite of him. He goes on to explain the situation. When he got to the blue goo part, Detective Shapiro gags on his coffee.

"What in the world would he drink from them?"

"Your guess is as good as ours." I shrug. "We'll know more about that when we speak to our scientist." Hopefully, Schwoz would have some answers.

"The last thing she said is that she found a real police uniform. She believes it's a man on the force."

Detective Shapiro nods. "That's makes sense, since she requested to only speak to female officers." He runs a hand through his curly hair. "I'll have a background done on all the officers. See if any are fishy enough to be suspects."

"From what we gathered, this man likes his authority and almost hates the force. Maybe look for someone who isn't on a higher rank, someone who is a big talker, but not much bulk behind it." Captain Man suggests.

Detective Shapiro nods, writing something down in his notepad. "I'll put someone I really trust on this. If you can, keep this part of the down. We don't want anyone to be suspicious and run."

"Of course,"

"Schwoz!" Ray yells when he steps off the elevator.

"He's not here." Charlotte says from the computer. "He went out with a friend, won't be back until tomorrow."

"Damn it," Ray whispers before retreating back to his room, probably to brood.

"So," She says turning to me. "What happened at the precinct?"

I shake my head. "It's just messed up, Charlotte. Elena thinks he's a police man."

"Of course," Charlotte huffs a breath out. "You can't freakin' trust cops. I hate that for her. She'll never feel safe around one again probably."

"Yeah," I walk closer to the moniter and peer at the screen. "What are you doing?"

She spins around and starts to scroll through listings. "I'm looking at records of unmarked black vans. There's not much to go on but I feel bad for not doing anything. There's not much for me to do here."

I lean down and put an arm around her shoulders. "You're doing great just thinking of this. You're very useful, Char."

"Thank you," She smiles.

I pull into the driveway and immediately slam on the breaks. A silver Mazda sat in my parking space, Mom's car. Before leaving the car, I take a couple of centering breaths, something Charlotte told me to start doing. When I open the door, I hear something fall. Peering behind the door, I see three suitcases. Then I hear my mother's voice from upstairs. A door slams and she comes down the stairs, leaning on the rail heavily. She almost trips on the last step. When she sees me, her eyes flare.

She points a bony finger at me. "Did you know about this?"

Dad walks down the stairs. I look at him. "Know about what?"

"Your father is kicking me out!" She takes a swig out of her water bottle, but even from where I'm standing I can smell that it's not water. "He claims I'm cheating on him and that I drink too much."

"Mom-"

"Kris, I know about the motel room in town you keep. Why else would you need something like that if you weren't cheating?"

Mom stares at him for a moment, caught in a lie. Her cheeks flush to a pink color. "Well, I'm taking the kids with me!" She screams. "You'll never see them again."

Dad shakes his head. "No, they will stay here. If they want you to, you can visit them here."

Mom races over and pushes him. "What do you mean if they want me to? You can't keep them from me!" She hits his chest.

"Stop this," He grabs her wrists. "Hitting me is not going to make me change my mind."

"You're an ass!" She screams fighting against his grip. "Let go of me!"

He does and she stumbles in to the suitcases.

"Let's ask them then." She says cockily. "Let's see who they'd rather stay with, Jake. Piper!"

"This isn't a discussion."

"Piper, get your ass down here!"

Piper comes around the door arch slowly. "What's going on?" She asks timidly. She comes to stand next to me.

"Your dad is kicking me out, baby." Mom puts on her nurturing voice. "And we need to figure out where you and Henry will stay. Now don't you wanna stay with momma?"

Piper's eyebrows raise and she looks at Dad. "Really?" She takes another look at Mom.

"Who do you want to live with?!" Mom asks Piper pointedly. Her eyes never met Piper's due to them crossing and closing. "Who do you love more?"

"Kris, do not ask her that!" Dad raises his voice, which he never does to Mom. He puts his hand out to Piper. "You don't have to answer that."

"She's a big girl, Jake. She can speak!" Mom swings her arms motion to her daughter.

I step between Mom and Piper. "Mom, I-"

"Dad," Piper whispers.

"What?" Venom almost leaks from her mouth and her brown eyes almost look red. She takes a step towards Piper, stepping on her untied shoelace. "What?!"

"I'm-" Piper's terrified eyes find mine. I put my hand on her shoulder.

"We're staying with Dad." I say lowly.

"You little-" Mom steps out with her hand drawn back. Before I can move Piper out of the way, her mouth forms an 'o' and she falls, tripping on her shoelaces.

Dad rushes to her, grabbing underneath her arms. "Kris, are-"

Mom pushes him away. "Get off!" Her voice began to be rough and scratchy. Her fire eyes flare at Piper and me.

For a moment the scene reminds of Charlotte and me. I had done the same thing. I pushed her away. Forcing myself to stay on track, I try to remind myself I'm not my mother.

I take a hesitant step to Mom. "This-It doesn't mean we don't love you. But you need to get better." I reach a shaking hand out.

She smacks me away. "You're ungrateful!" She pushes herself up using the coffee table. She sways while yelling. "Who do you think you are? I pick out your clothes! I gave you life! Who do you think picked the best school in the county? Me! I chose the house! I gave you what you have!"

Piper scoffs. Her hands in white knuckled fists. "That doesn't matter when you're a shit parent! You could give me forty PearPhones but it wouldn't matter because...You're. Not. Here. You think you know your husband and children. You don't!"

"Sweetheart," Dad's voice is very small.

Big tears swim down Piper's face. "Did you know I got second place in the science fair? Did you know Henry got straight As? Dad's here! Dad shows us he cares."

Before anything else can be said, Mom starts to cry. A heavy cry I've seen many times. Its the cry when drunks are faced with too many truths. Her shoulders begin to shake and snot comes out of her nose. She's looking at Piper and me. I know she's expecting Piper to apologize. When she doesn't she starts crying harder and looks at me. But I've grown such a disdain and disconnect from my Mother that I can't feel for her tears.

Dad steps forward and sits beside her. He quietly pats her back.

I take Piper's hand and walk out the front door. Without speaking we get into my car. Slowly I back out onto the street.

"I'm not sorry for what I said." Piper says.

"You shouldn't be. She needed to hear something real from us."

After that Piper and I drove around Swellview, talking about school and everything but Mom. She told me about a boy she was starting to like and how she thinks he likes her too. I embarrassingly tried to give her the talk but she wasn't having any of it. She plugged her ears and yelled "la la la" until I laughed and changed the subject.

"Hey, your phone's vibrating." Piper says handing me it, she'd been switching songs. "Charlotte's calling."

I grab the phone and put the device to my ear. "Hey, what's up?"

"Ray wants you here now. There's been another kidnapping. The guy got two young kids this time."

Trying to remain as calm as I could, I said goodbye and hung up the phone. My heart raced and sweat began to bead up on my forehead. How young are they?

"Piper, you mind waiting in Junk'n'Stuf while I go talk to Ray?"

She shrugs. "It's cool. I just hope Jasper doesn't try to talk to me."

^^^^^^^^

Please comment if you’d like to be apart of a tag list!

taglist: @violetride @craploadofandoms @junknstu1f (i tag you since you liked the story so much!) @sasunarushiita

[lalahbug]

Hidden Emotions - Levi x Reader

Fandom: Attack on Titan Word Count: 2,888

My Masterlist

Warnings/disclaim: general I wrote this before I knew about the lifespan of a Titan shifter, so that doesn’t exist in this certain fanfic, okay? Okay.

Author’s Note: continued under story Originally posted on DeviantArt, same username, on 03/05/2017. Revamped/edited in 2020.

___ is a blank for your name/oc/whatever you prefer Written in 3rd person

Line/header is to separate paragraphs to indicate time skips, as Tumblr hates my formatting. I do not own it, found it as a free vector to use though.

Story under cut

          “State your name and business.” Levi droned as someone knocked at his door.

          “___, Erwin told me you wanted to see me.”

          “Enter.”

          ___ pushed the door open and closed it lightly, she walked up to his desk and stood, until Levi glanced up at her and gestured to her to sit.

          “Erwin said you had something you needed to tell me.”

          “Yes.” Levi kept writing for a moment until he was done with his sentence. Oh, how he loved her patience. He put down his pen then leaned back crossing his arms across his chest. “You’ve been in the Scout Regiment, for about 4 years, correct?” She nodded. “You haven’t died but you haven’t really done anything notable,” she nodded in agreement.

          ’She talks less than I do. She always does her job, keeps to herself.’ Levi thought to himself.

          “Erwin and I believe you have more potential. We need you to be better. Starting Monday, you’ll be a Squad Leader. Our new recruits will be under you until they die or are put into another squad.”

          “Thank you very much for this opportunity,” Levi was about to say, you’re welcome. “But, I would like to decline if I can. I do not believe I would be a good leader. I’m a pawn, maybe a rook. I’m no knight such as yourself and Hange. I do not believe I could be better. I apologize.”

          Levi just stared at her. He was not expecting this at all. Her eyes were as deadpanned as his. He never knew she had self-doubt like this, is this why she never did anything notable? Because she figured she can’t do more?

          “You are a Squad Leader as of Monday. It has already been decided. If you have issues, you may ask any Squad Leader or Erwin. You will meet your squad Monday morning in the mess hall.”

          “Yes, sir.” He saw a glint in her eyes, it was either worry or fear, it was too fast for him to tell.

          “Then you’re dismissed,“ she nodded and stood up, pushed in her chair.

          “Levi!” Hange busted into his room. “Oh, ___!” Hange hugged her, causing her to stiffen.

          “Afternoon, Hange. Please let go.”

          “I’m your best friend, who you tell everything to and I can’t even hug you!” Hange whined.

          “We can talk later, I would like to go to my room.”

          “Did Shorty say something weird? Like he loves you?”

          “Oi!”

          “Hange, even if Captain did. Nothing would happen, you know that.” ___ pulled herself out of Hange’s arm. “I’m a Squad Leader as of Monday. So I would like to get some materials. I will see you later.”

          “Oh! That’s awesome! Let me know if you need anything!”

          Levi’s eyes widened a bit. ___ actually smiled full-heartedly at Hange.

          “Of course, Hange. I always go to you,” with that, she left. As much as Levi hates Hange, he liked having her around when he was with ___. Hange brought a side to her that Levi never saw.

          “What the fuck was that about me loving her?” Levi spat at Hange.

          “Well, you do. You need to start dropping hints. She’s so clueless. You’ve loved her for like three years, you always stare at her! Come on, Shorty!”

          “Shut up, Shitty Glasses! God, I regret you ever figuring that out,” Levi pinched the bridge of his nose. “What did she mean, nothing would happen, even if I told her?”

          “Oh that. Well, she doesn’t want a relationship. She doesn’t see a point since she’s in the Regiment. Knowing that she’ll die and leave her lover behind.” Hange paused and looked down. “The thought of it, makes her almost cry. It’s the first time I ever saw her eyes water.”

          “I doubt she’ll die anytime soon. She’s the only one who ever survives when her squad dies. She’s outlived many of her Squad Leaders.”

          “It’s a bit strange if you think about it. How does she always survive? It’s like she’s a titan like Eren.” Hange chuckled a bit, before realizing that wasn’t actually too bad of an explanation.

          “If she is, why would she be here for so long? You’ve known her since you were both young adults.”

          “Huh.” Hange tapped her chin. “I want to ask her now. I wonder if she’ll lie or not. Her eyes do a weird shake like thing when she lies or is nervous.”

          “Let me know how that goes, now get out,” Levi grumbled while getting back to his paperwork. Hange left his office, closing the door. “How would I drop hints when she’s so impervious with her emotions?” he mumbled to himself.

          Levi was walking towards ___’s room. Not that he would ever admit it to anyone, but he had been going to her room every night. To check on her, make sure she was okay. Sometimes he would sit in her room if she was tossing and turning.

          Cracking her door open to see if she was in bed, for once in the past 5 weeks, she wasn’t. Also, a first, her room was a mess, papers and books were everywhere. Confused, Levi walked into her room, picking up one of the books, it was about leadership.

          “She is actually freaking out. That’s cute,” Levi placed the book back where it was, ignoring the mess, he went to go find her. It’s not his mess to clean, he’d make her clean it instead.

          She was pacing outside with a book in her hand, she flipping through the pages. She made a small groan before leaning back on a tree and sliding down it to sit. Staring up at the canopy, stars peeping through the leaves.

          “Why aren’t you in bed?” ___ snapped her gaze over to Levi.

          “Evening, Heichou.” Levi paused as he noticed a slight blush on her cheeks before she looked back up. “The sky is beautiful tonight, it’s been awhile since I’ve been outside this late,“ she mainly whispered to herself.

          “You haven’t answered my question.” Levi stood in front of her, she looked from the sky to him.

          “I know, as I am now. I can’t be a Squad Leader. I don’t have the confidence, the only time I can be aggressive is when I notice someone about to die. I do everything I can. I even lost my foot that one time. I can’t do this on my own. Hange is going to help me more tomorrow, but I figured I could do my own studying and research in the meantime. I got upset at myself, so I came outside to read.”

          Levi stared at her, as she rambled, this is the most he had ever heard her talk in one go. Maybe this is the side that Hange always got to see. The one Hange said he’d love. Her sweet and worrying, a bit scared but wanting to fight side.

          “Why?” she looked at Levi.

          “What?”

          “What do you guys see in me? Just because I can stay alive, doesn’t mean I am worth anything.”

          “___.” Levi squatted down in front of her. “Being able to stay alive out there, is a rare thing. You’ve got something that makes it so you fight harder. Erwin wants you to pass that one to others. So we can keep more people.”

          “What if I can’t?”

          “Then we’ll keep losing people. You can make great split decisions, many which have saved us before. You’ll be a fine leader.”

          “Do you really think so, Levi?” ___ sat up more, looking into his eyes, trying to read him. 

          Levi was so happy to hear his name roll off her tongue, for the first time. His heart twinged at her cute, sad, worried (e/c) eyes.

          “Yes,” he gave her a small smirk, which caused her to blush, lean back and look back up. Levi noticed this. Oh, how he wanted to kiss her.

          “Thank you,” she whispered.

          As Levi leaned towards her, before something clicked in his mind. “Early, you said you lost a foot. Which one?”

          She looked back at him, her eyes shook slightly. “My right, I meant almost lost. Sorry about the confusion.” Her normal tone was back, she was closing back up. Levi studied her for a moment, she was lying.

          “You suck at lying.”

          “If I lost a foot, it wouldn’t be in my boot, right now.”

          Levi put a hand on her arm, in case she tried to escape. “Unless you’re a titan, like Eren.”

          She glared at him for a moment. “You’re being stupid,“ she smacked his hand and stood up. “I’m going to bed.” Levi pushed her up against the tree, pinning her by her wrist. “Get off me.”

          “Stop lying to me.”

          “What difference does it make to you? Whether I am a titan or not? I’m still ___.”

          “If you’re a titan, you’ve been deceiving us all, you could have helped. You have let all of us down, by letting hundreds die.” Levi spat at her. Her eyes widened. “Plus, you’ve outlived everyone in your squads. How have you been doing that? What are you hiding?” Levi growled at her when she didn’t answer him. “You’re a fucking disgrace,” Levi gripped her by the front of her shirt, starting to walk and dragging her.

          “What are you doing?”

          “We’re going to Erwin. Now.”

          “I’m sorry.” Levi turned his head to look at her, meeting her fist.

          By the time he opened his eyes. She was gone.

          Levi burst into Hange’s room. “___’s gone!” Hange jumped out of bed.

          “What do you mean gone?!”

          “I confronted her. She’s a titan. When dragging her to Erwin. She punched me and disappeared.”

          “Why didn’t you just talk to her about it? You’ve scared her off, Shorty! We could have talked it out then talked to Erwin!” Hange was shaking Levi by the shoulders. Before letting go and quickly pulling on some shoes.

          “Where are you going?!” Levi chased after her.

          “To find, ___! She’s my best friend; titan, and lair, but she’s still my dearest friend! And if you truly loved her, you wouldn’t have been such an ass!” Hange ran out of the building. Levi groaned as his heart ached and chased after Hange. 

          ___ was sitting on top of the Rose Wall. Staring down at the titans below, out in the distance. The wind was blowing her hair around. She wanted to jump down and transform, run far away. But at the same time, she wanted to run into Hange’s arms, cling to her. She put her hands over her ears and curled up, trying to not cry. She had no right to cry, she had lied to everyone for almost 15 years. She brought this upon herself, she just wanted to be a human and live and die among them. She had never thought of helping them, there wasn’t an urge until 5 years ago. But even if she would have tried to help, she probably would have been killed. That is what she had always thought until Eren came along. She always tried to help, only transforming when she knew there was no other choice. 

          Screams of her fallen comrades flooded her mind, she broke down crying. Curling up even tighter, rocking back and forth. Then she felt a hand on her shoulder. Hange was kneeling next to her, with a small smile.

          ___ nearly jumped on Hange, crying and clinging to her. Of course, Hange just held ___. Hange knew all of her hiding spots. Now that Hange knew her best friend was a titan, this certain hiding spot, made a lot more sense. 

          Levi stared at ___, he had never seen her cry, saw her broken looks but never a tear. He could hear her gasping for air as she clung to Hange, mumbling sorry over and over. She’s beautiful, even while crying.

          ___ pushed away from Hange, sitting on her knees and rubbing her eyes, trying to stop crying. “I’m sorry I never told you. I could have helped you. I could have helped humanity. I’m so sorry. I lied to you for nearly 15 years. I don’t deserve a friend like you,” she was starting to hiccup from crying so much. Hange threw a glare over her shoulder to Levi, who looked away from her glare.

          “You’re my best friend. I understand why you never told me or anyone. If you would have when our world wasn’t getting worse. They likely would have killed you.” Hange looked at ___, who was still trying to stop herself from crying. “Until everything with Eren, even if you would have told me. I would have kept it secret with you, in fear of you being killed. You’ve never hurt anyone that didn’t attack you first. Even titans. You’re the sweetest girl I’ve ever known. In fear of letting anyone down, you’ve held back and been under the radar in fear of having to explain yourself.” Hange hugged ___ as the tears finally stopped.

          “I can’t get their screams out of my head. My last squad. An abnormal attacked, I didn’t want to lose them. After two got ate, I transformed. But they ran from me in fear, which made them die. Even at my strongest, I fail. I’m such a disgrace, I can’t do this Hange. I should have never entered the city.”

          “I know the screams won’t stop. You’ve always had them, since your first expedition. You’ve been telling me that for years.” Hange rubbed her back. Levi just stared at her. Feeling guilty for the words he had spat at his love beforehand.

          “Hange, I want to die now.”

          Hange smack ___ across the face. “Don’t you say that shit!” ___ laughed a bit, Hange smiled. ___ then noticed Levi and crawled behind Hange so he could no longer see her. Levi clicked his tongue before walking over and gripping ___ by the arm. Pulling her to her feet, his tight grip making her squeak a bit.

          “You punched me really hard you know.”

          “You were dragging me off. I claim self-defense.”

          “You still have to pay for the pain you did to my head.”

          “Fine, I’ll clean the stables.”

          “No.” With one tug, he crashed his lips onto hers. She squeaked and pushed him away. Hange clapped.

          “Finally!” Hange cheered.

          “Shut up!”

          “What?” ___ looked at both of them.

          Hange popped up and kissed ___ on the cheek. “When you’re done. I want to talk before you see Erwin. I’ll leave you to lover boy, for now,“  Hange walked off.

          “I am very confused.” ___ glanced at Hange walking away then at Levi’s hand on her arm. “Can you let go?”

          “Will you stay?” she gave him a small nod and he let go of her arm. They looked into each other’s eyes for a moment. They were basically the same height, so Levi just leaned forward and pressed his lips softly to hers for a small second. 

          “I thought you hated me.”

          “Because of what I said earlier?” she looked away. “I’m not good with my emotions. I’ve loved you for 3 years. I was about to kiss you before my fucking brain clicked what you said.” Levi put a hand on her face, pressing his cooling hand against her warm cheek that Hange had smacked. “I’m sorry. Let’s head back,” she nodded, staring at him for a moment before heading down the wall.

          While walking back, Levi wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

          ___ looked at Levi, with a confused look.

          “Would you fucking say something instead of just staring at me? You’re starting to piss me off.”

          “You love me?”

          He clicked his tongue. “That’s why I kissed you.”

          “I thought you knew about me being a titan and no longer trusted me. That’s why you were checking on me every night.” Levi started blushing a bit. “But you did that because you love me?”

          Levi coughed. “So you knew? And yes that’s why.” He stopped and stood in front of her. Putting a hand on her cheek again, running a thumb over her cheekbone and smirked as she started blushing. She glanced at his lips then back at his eyes. “Oi, brat.” She raised an eyebrow at him.

          “Brat? You’re like 5 years older than me,“ she scoffed at him.

          Levi rolled his eyes before kissing her, moving his hand to the back of her neck, to deepen the kiss. ___ bowed her body into his, wrapping her arms around his neck. Levi pulled away a bit. 

          “You still haven’t really replied to my confession.”

          “I like you.”

          Levi clicked his tongue in frustration. “Fucking brat.”

          She gave him a small smirk before giving him a light kiss. “Old perv.”

          “Tch.” picked her up, throwing her over his shoulder. “I’ll teach you how to respect your elders.”

          “Put me down!” She ordered him.

          “I don’t take orders from you, bitch.” Levi smacked her ass, earning a small yelp.

          “I have a feeling my lesson, isn’t going to be something I would ever learn in school.”

          “Your lesson is only to be taught by me. The lesson you need to learn right now, can’t be taught with words… only with action.” A small smirk pulled at the corner of his lips as he heard the female make a loud gulp.

Author’s Note: continued Also Levi is a bit OOC. I really disliked this fanfic when I wrote it. But it got positive feedback years ago, so I guess it’s decent but still. I am sorry for this shit.      

[thenamesseven]

Word count: 3k

Warnings: Angst

A/N: FINALLY! I’m so so sorry for making you all wait so much for an update. Truth was school is taking up most of my free time with homework and by the time I get some free time I’m too tired to do anything. I felt a bit desmotivated about writing but I think I’m back again! Thanks for being patience and I’ll try to update sooner, like I used to do before. Sorry again! Enjoy the chapter ^^

When Park Jinyoung called his employees into his office it was extremely obvious something was very very wrong. Being called by the boss to discuss private manners wasn’t something that brought good news, in fact, it was always related with somebody being fired or somebody getting yelled at for doing something wrong.

Unfortunately, even when they thought they would never go through something like that, the day when Jackson and Jaebum were called by their boss came and none of them knew what could possibly be wrong. Since they had spent the whole afternoon trying to come up with a plan to find you and bring you back home with them, none of them had checked out their social media and realize what was truly going on.

Sitting on some stiff yet pretty uncomfortable chairs, the both of them waited patiently until Park Jinyoung spoke, he only looked at them quietly, trying to think of a way to explain the big problem without getting insanely mad at them.

“What’s this”

Jackson and Jaebum jolted slightly scared when the stack of paper JYP had been holding, landed on the desk situated in front of them pretty hard, hard enough to send some sheets away before one of the boys could read whatever was written on them. By the way they looked some of them seemed to be magazine articles, the ones online pages post and the others were things posted in social media, specially Twitter and Tumblr. None of them dared to reach out and take one of the papers to read them though, whatever was going on was bad enough to have Park Jinyoung fuming in front of them when they were more or less, the favorite group of the company.

But by the looks of it, they have fucked up big time.

Since none of the guys seemed eager to reply to the easy question, JYP sighed, attempting to get some answers once again “I’m going to ask again and this time I expect a reasonable answer” He looked at both of them, leaning back against his chair while he pinched the bridge of his nose. Jackson and Jaebum knew him well enough to know that whatever the problem was, it was stressing him out a lot and that it would only made the issue even worse. “What’s the meaning of this?”

It was Jaebum the one that caught the sheet of paper Park Jinyoung tossed away. With insecure hands, he cleared out his throat and held it far enough for Jackson to read it with him. His eyes scanned the paper nervously, not really focusing on the paragraphs below but on the colorful details that could instantly give him some clues about what was truly happening. The first thing he noticed was the name of one of those gossiping magazines that are always following idols around, they had people hidden with cameras everywhere, ready to snap the perfect picture and manage to ruin their lives and careers by revealing rumours or secrets that shouldn’t have been revealed. 

His stomach started turning into tiny notes that made him feel incredibly horrible. Jackson and him were hiding an incredibly big secret after all and it definitely wouldn’t be good if it had been leaked out of nowhere, without them having enough time to prepare for it. It really wasn’t a good time for that kind of drama, specially right after you were kind of missing.

Jackson, who was already fearing the text underneath the name of the magazine, had only managed to read the first sentence before his heart started beating so hard and loudly that he could feel his brain pulsing in synch with it.

The article said:

An anonymous message that has been recently received finally gave some meaning to the pictures we posted earlier! Jackson Wang, mostly known for being a successful rapper and part of the boy band GOT7, was spotted exiting his apartment earlier in an agitated way. The reporter that was there clearly saw how he was crying but also shaking with frustration, impotence for some unknown reasons that now are not so unknown.

Thanks to our anonymous reader we know that apparently Jackson and Jaebum are sharing that same apartment with an old friend who surprisingly is a female. Her name is (Y/N Y/LN) and luckily, our best researcher managed to find her instagram. We won’t post the username here but down there you can see a picture, kind of pretty isn’t she? Who wouldn’t want to date her?

Now get ready my dear ahgases because apparently and trusting the information this anonymous reader passed us, Jackson and Jaebum are in an open relationship with this female. Yeah! The three of them are dating, living together and doing all the heated things you all describe in your fanfics behind doors. 

Jackson was seen crying after-

Jaebum crumpled the paper in his hands, making it a small ball before tossing it away. Jackson kept his eyes down on the floor one of his knees had started bouncing nervously, as a reflex of his body to get rid of some stress, shaking his head dissapointed while his fingers fidgeted with the hem of the shirt he was wearing. Honestly, he wasn’t thinking about the consequences this scandal could have for Jaebum and him, Jackson couldn’t help but think about how stressed you were probably feeling after your face, name and some other intimate things had been exposed to the public so suddenly and without any consent.

“What the fuck is this bullshit?” Jaebum suddenly spoke out, frowning as he looked at JYP straight in his eyes. Jackson, who hadn’t been expecting that reaction, turned his head towards his direction slightly surprised.

“J-Jaebum” Jackson slightly worried his language would only make things worse, attempted to warn him, to shut him up but that didn’t stop his boyfriend

“You better start explaining and pray…Fucking pray that there is an explanation that won’t led to the two of you being fired and kicked out from GOT7” Their boss sat back down onto his chair, breathing heavily as he stared at both males waiting for one of them to start explaining.

“Do you really think I’m dating him?” Jaebum pointed at Jackson with his thumb,the latter only raised one of his eyebrows to glance at him. If Jaebum wanted to die and try to save all of their asses, he better start playing his game too.

“Dude, am I that ugly?” Jackson scoffed leaning back against his chair, rolling his eyes

“This is not something that we should laugh about. This freaking article is appearing in every social media, even in some news channels” The two boys quietly gulped at that, you had seen it for sure then and they didn’t even want to think how their families were probably feeling about this scandal.

“I’m sorry but I really do not understand why the company hasn’t deny this rumour yet” Jackson told him, erasing the small smile from his lips to look as serious as he could “Not only are they damaging our image but they’re also putting in danger somebody who we consider our little sister and not a fuck toy that we could share”

Jaebum nodded to Jackson’s words, poker face on as he stared at his boss. He looked really serious and slightly angry on the outside but inside? He was about to cry and start panicking, Jaebum had never been so scared before “(Y/N) has been our friend for years, she’s been living with us for so long too…Don’t you think that if we really had a relationship with her it would have been leaked by now?”

“With the amount of people that knows us? Probably” Jackson added as if the question had been directed to him “Sir, we never lied to you, we never cause any major problems like this one. Why would we do something like this? Ruin our careers, our success for a girl? No thanks”

“Exactly” The words hurt Jackson, he knew you didn’t deserve to be spoken about like that but if it worked, it would probably safe their careers and your reputation, if that was still possible.

“Then why the hell were you crying Jackson? What the hell happened?” He asked, still not completely believing the words that were coming out of their mouths.

“We had a really strong argument in which we said some pretty nasty things to each other” Jackson explained, he wasn’t really lying, things have been rough for the three of them. The male was just omitting some details that would definitely get them in trouble “It got to the point where she left, only leaving a note behind saying goodbye”

The room stayed in silent, Jackson’s broken tone echoing through the room as silence took over it. Park Jinyoung sighed, leaning back against the chair once again as he stared to the ceiling, attempting to go through the entire situation in his mind. He didn’t believe the guys completely but he didn’t have the clues to accuse them of lying either.

If the rumour stayed going through people’s social media the situation would only kept getting worse and worse and it would simply be impossible to deny the news at some point, ruining the reputation of some of the best idols the company had along with the one of an innocent girl.

Sighing, Park Jinyoung, CEO of JYP Entertainment, stood up and looked down at both of them “Get out of here, let me try and sort this out” 

-○-

Not too far away from that room, Jinyoung sat by himself in the lobby where they usually hang out during their little breaks in their practice sessions. Mark, Youngjae, Yugyeom and Bambam were there too, having some coffee as they talked about Jackson and Jaebum. Since they whole group knew about their relationship, the guys couldn’t help but be slightly worried about them what honestly surprised Jinyoung. Weren’t they worried about their own future? He didn’t mean to be rude but had they stopped to think what would happen to them if the group disappeared? Honestly, Jinyoung hasn’t fought so much for his dream to be ruined like this. You could say that was the reason he hasn’t said anything about yet, or maybe it was because he knew exactly what was going since he had been the one who sent those pictures to the online magazine. 

Leaning back against his chair, with his legs crossed, he kept messing around with his phone, checking out some social media to pass the time when he stumbled onto a couple of tweets that caught his attention. At first, Jinyoung just wanted to read them because of the drama but then when he realized what the issue was, his blood turned cold and his heart stopped beating for a second. 

“We all want that bitch out of our lives, why would she try to get involved with our two oppas?”

“Sluts are meant to be ashamed, you can’t let them do whatever they want”

Those were the beginnings of a trail that was full of original threats and insults that you wouldn’t even know existed. Jinyoung knew immediately who they were talking about, after all this was the effect he had expected after the anonymous message he sent to that online magazine started spreading through the internet. Messages like this will be the ones to make Jackson and Jaebum realize how much their fame could hurt you if anything of your relationship went wrong.

What he didn’t expect was the replies underneath where some people were planning to go and look for you, something that was totally crazy and unthinkable for Jinyoung. Were there fans who would go to that extent for two guys that would never know they existed? Even though something in him knew his plan was going the wrong way and that the backlash you were getting was way worse than he had expected, Jinyoung kept reading, eyes widening when he read the things they were planning to do to you if they find you.

Stumbling, the male stood up abruptly almost spilling his hot coffee all over the table. The guys looked at him, noticing how scared and tense their friend was but still none of them asked any questions and just waited for him to explain what was going on. However Jinyoung knew you didn’t have much time and that explaining everything would only make his chances of finding you smaller. 

“Where are you going?” Yugyeom finally asked, too curious to hold the question back.

Jinyoung only glanced at his direction, face as pale as a ghost, he grabbed his hoodie from the chair and shook his hair, quietly telling them he didn’t have the time for explanations. “It’s (Y/N)” He simply said, pushing his phone out of his pockets to dial your number “Tell Jackson or Jaebum to call me as soon as they get out”

After saying that Jinyoung simply exited the break room, phone glued to his ear as he desperately prayed that you would answer the phone.

Nobody picked it up though and he could just hope that it wasn’t too late for you.

-○-

You didn’t know how much time had passed since you were dragged back into the alley by this unknown girls, all you knew was the pain in your body indicated something was probably broken after all the kicks and punches they threw. You were confused to say the least, since they seemed to know about your relationship with Jackson and Jaebum but none of the guys had called you to warn you about the situation, honestly, you would have never thought that if the fans ever found out about your relationship some of them would react the way these girls did.

They had walked after getting tired, only saying that a bitch like you would learn her lesson after the pain they inflicted on you. Your eyes were dry, there were no tears left to cry at this point and your throat was sore after all the begging you did. Your eyes were staring to get swollen, your vision was becoming incredibly blurred and unfortunately, your body was too weak to move an inch.

You would have called the police or even an ambulance if your phone hadn’t been stepped on and broken in your face, you could simply lay there on the floor praying to whatever God was up there that somebody would find you.

It was scary yet crazy the things some fans could do for their idols. You didn’t blame your guys though, this wasn’t their fault even though it was their fans were the ones that did it. In fact, you found yourself wishing to be with them, receiving all the love and affection they always gave you when you weren’t feeling well….If only you hadn’t ran away.

“(Y/N)!?” 

You tried opening your eyes more, move your head towards the direction of the voice in order to see if you had hit your head so bad that you were now starting to have delusions, it was impossible Jinyoung was in the same alley as you, the guys were probably preparing for their new comeback.

“(Y/N)!?” When his voice sounded closer, you unconsciously frowned. What was he doing here? How did he find you? “Oh my God, what did they do to you?”

Looking down at you made Jinyoung feel like the worst person alive, you were drifting in and out of consciousness probably too weak to open your eyes and look at him. With shaky hands, he kneeled down besides you and rested your bleeding head on his knees not even caring about staining his new sweatpants. You groaned in pain, complaining about the movements as he gently brushed some of your hair out of your forehead, looking around, not really knowing what to do.

He never planned this to happen, the only thing he had wanted to do was scare Jackson and Jaebum to death, separate you from them so when the secret came out you would be far enough to not get hurt like this. You didn’t deserve this, what happened to you was extremely unfair and totally his fault.

“I’m going to get you some help” Jinyoung whispered, trying to dialed an ambulance but his hands were shaking too much and his eyes were full of tears “We’re going to the hospital”

“Where are they?” Jinyoung didn’t need to ask to know who you were asking for, it was normal that in this kind of situation you would want to see Jackson and Jaebum.

“They are okay, JYP needed to talk with them” Jinyoung replied, managing to call an ambulance “You’ll be okay (Y/N), just don’t fall asleep on me alright? You need to stay awake”

Using the last bit of strength you had, you nodded to his words, keeping your blurry vision on his face as he asked for an ambulance to come as fast as they could but tiredness was calling for you, the pain was overwhelming and deep down you knew that as soon as you closed your eyes everything would be gone. Who knows? Maybe all of this was part of a twisted nightmare, those that were too real for your own good. 

“Please come as fast as you can, she’s losing consciousness again” Jinyoung pleaded, gently slapping your cheek with his hand to keep you awake.

“(Y/N)?”

You weren’t opening your eyes anymore, you weren’t even moving your head to him when he spoke.

“(Y/N)!? Oh god, (Y/N)?” He asked again

But nobody answered this time.

[lovemesomesurveys]

1:Describe your favorite blanket? It’s a rose gold soft and fluffy throw blanket.  2:How many pillows do you sleep with? 2. I have like 6 on my bed, though. 3:What is a good memory you have with your parents? I have countless good memories. 4:How did you meet your first crush? My first crush was this kid, Philip, when I was in 3rd grade. He was like a grade or two above me. I was into an older guy. haha. 5:What are 3 things you like about your current crush/significant other? I don’t have one.

6:What do you have hanging on your walls? A few canvases (2 beachy ones and 1 giraffe one), a framed painting of a giraffe in a sweater lol, a small watercolor painting of a giraffe I got at a craft fair, 2 calendars with Alexander Skarsgard on them (I kept the one from last year for the photos), a big Swedish flag, an I Love Lucy clock, a bulletin board, and a marker board. 7:What book are you currently reading? I just started one called “The Girl in Cabin 13″ by A.J. Rivers.  8:What was the last movie you watched and what are your thoughts on it? The Invisible Man. It was really good. And creepy. 9:What's the best band that you discovered recently? I’ve discovered a few new artists recently, but not a new band. 10:How many types of social media do you use and what are they? Tumblr, Twitter, Facebook, Snapchat, and Instagram. 11:What was/were you username(s) on instant messengers when you were younger? I had a lot of different ones. During my emo phase everything had X’s in it haha. I remember I had loserxfaceex, cutexdollfacee, and stupidmfx. lmao. Those were just a few of many. Others were lyrics and such.  12:What is your first memory of getting in trouble? When I lied about taking my medication for months. My mom found my stash hidden behind my bed one day and I was grounded for a month from the computer. My parents were so disappointed, which is the worst. They had to watch me take my medicine for awhile until they could trust me again. 13:What is an anecdote that your family frequently tells about you as a child? Just certain things I said or did as a kid. One that just came to mind is the one about my grandpa walking all over the house carrying a wailing baby me trying to calm me down while singing the words, “lookin for your mama.” lol. My favorite is the one about how for a good 10 minutes or so my mom and I went back and forth between me touching something I wasn’t supposed to and her tapping my hand to get me to stop. We did that for awhile. I’d cry after she did that for a bit and then go and touch it again and repeat. I was stubborn then and stubborn now haha. There’s so many more, but those two came to mind first. 14:If you could do anything with your hair what would you do? I love dyeing it red, so I’m gonna keep doing that. I love how long it is, too. I just don’t know how I want to style it. I should layer it. I kinda want bangs again, too. I don’t know. I also suck at styling it, I just throw it in a pony tail, braid, or bun and call it a day. 15:If you were to get a tattoo today what would you get? I’ve wanted to get “free bird” on my inner wrist for several years, but I’m a big baby. 16:What do you do when you can't fall asleep? So every night I watch YouTube, listen to ASMR, do some surveys, scroll through Tumblr, and check Pinterest until I go to sleep. 17:Do you prefer to primarily use external help (porn, etc.) or your imagination when you masturbate? 18:Can you remember how many people you've kissed? Yeah, it’s only been 3 people. 19:What is the story of your first kiss? It happened at our high school behind the drama department. We were there for the haunted house put on by the drama department, but we ended up skipping that and just hanging out. His friend was there, too. We ended up going off by ourselves as if to talk about something privately, but he leaned in and kissed me.  20:How open are you with your parents? I share a lot with my mom.  21:What was your first drink? Tequila shot. 22:If you smoke, what is your brand? I don’t. 23:What are your favorite genres for books? Movies? TV shows? Music? I love non-fiction, YA/NA, murder mystery, and psychological thriller books. Horror, psychological thriller, romantic comedy, comedy, drama, and some action and sci-fi movies. I like a lot of drama TV shows, reality TV, crime, thriller, and a few older sitcoms like The Golden Girls, Roseanne, and I Love Lucy. 24:What teachers have made the biggest impact on you? My 4th and 8th grade teacher, Mr. McG. He was my favorite teacher ever. He was the best. He was a teacher that just really loved what he did and cared about his students. He wanted them to do well and helped them do so. He made learning fun. Lol I actually cried on the last day of school in 4th grade. I was so excited when he ended up teaching 8th grade later on and I was able to have him again. My younger brother and a couple of my cousins had him, too, so I still saw him because of that and other times since. My mom worked at Borders and he used to go there all the time. He knew my mom and aunt, too. I also have him on Facebook. 25:Do you like writing letters? In middle school and some of high school my cousin and I used to write notes to each other all the time. I haven’t written a letter since then. 26:What is your favorite episode of your favorite show? I have several favorite TV shows. 27:What position(s) do you sleep in? I sleep slightly on my side with my head propped up a bit. I can’t sleep flat. 28:What is the first thing you remember lying about in your life? I don’t know. 29:What are the three most important traits you look for in a friend? Someone I just vibe and connect with. Have things in common with. Someone I can talk to. 30:Describe the relationship you have with your sibling(s)? My younger brother and I are close. My older brother and I don’t have a bad relationship, but we’re not close. It’s different. 31:How did you learn about sex? I remember we had sex ed starting in 6th grade. My mom also talked to me about it. I think I may have heard some things about it sooner than that, though, like on TV or movies. I remember once when I was a kid I turned the TV on and it was on HBO and there was a porno on lmao. HBO played movies, but at certain times it used to play stuff like that.  32:Describe your favorite outfit? All my many leggings and oversized graphic tees. And my Adidas stuff. 33:What do you like to do when you're sad to make you feel better? So what I do everyday: Tumblr, surveys, YouTube, and watch TV. With the addition of listening to music, coloring, and reading sometimes. Oh, and sleep. Some days I don’t feel like doing anything.  34:What kind of music do you like to listen to when having sex? 35:What kind of french fries are your favorite? I used to love french fries and I’d eat them all the time, but I don’t know I’m not as into them anymore. I don’t eat them much now. My appetite and what I eat has changed a lot these past few years.  36:What is your ideal breakfast? Scrambled eggs with cheese and spinach with country gravy and hash browns. A delicious muffin would be nice, too. And of course coffee is a must. 37:What is your comfort show/book/movie? I turn to YouTube more for that. Particularly ASMR. 38:What are some things you love about your best friends? My mom is very supportive, loving, caring, awesome, and funny. We like a lot of the same music, TV shows, and movies. I enjoy our talks about anything and everything. I like our grocery shopping trips and going to the movies. I love to just spend time together.  39:Do you shave any parts of your body, and if so what parts? Under my arms. Rarely my legs cause hair doesn’t really grow there. 40:What teacher/professor was your favorite and why? I talked about this already.

[hicsqueakfest]

Hicsqueak Fest Prompt List!

Hi all! Here’s the prompt list for Hicsqueak Fest! You can request up to 3 prompts at a time. Once you finish your fics/arts, you can come back for more! 

To claim your prompt, simply send an ask to @hicsqueakfest and copy/paste the prompt you want (you must have a tumblr username to do this). I will cross it off the list and put your name by it so it’s all yours. First come, first serve. Make sure you tell me if you’re claiming a FIC or ART prompt, because some of them are duplicates! 

Prompts are divided by FIC (sub categories: AU, AR, Gen, Smut, Lyrics/Quotes) and ART. 

HAPPY CLAIMING!

FIC

- Domestic Hicsqueak

- Hecate and Pippa are in an established relationship and see each other again after months apart. Could be smutty or domestic and cute.

- Hicsqueak first time. doesn't have to be sex (but it can be). It could be first time they do anything. Ie: ice skating together, first date, etc.

- Young Hicsqueak building staff/wand for Hecate to have more control over her magic and learning how to use it 

- Pippa and Hecate dancing

- Pippa already knows about the confinement in S1, how she deals with all the little ways Hecate makes excuses to not do things; and how she eventually reacts to Hecate telling her about the confinement.

- Pregnancy fic - Hecate pregnant. Pippa being the best. Mildred minding her own business.

- Single parent Pippa meets her child’s teacher Hecate @ohlookitstomorrowff

- Hicsqueak flying together on a broom

- Domestic Hicsqueak (I need a lot of that)

- A series of firsts with Pippa, after Hecate is set free

- Hecate is clueless about how attractive she is, and Pippa tries her best not to be jealous (but she so is)

- Hicsqueak as parents (interpret "parents" however you want)

- Going hunting

- Going fishing

- Visiting a planetarium together

- Hurt/Comfort. Mistress Broomhead remarks in front of Pippa that Hecate "continues to have poor taste in companions." Pippa asks Hecate what Broomhead meant by it, and Hecate has to make a choice whether or not to reveal the whole Indigo incident.

- Miss Bat catches Hecate and Pippa out of bed past curfew, but instead of punishing them, she just mercilessly teases them about it for the rest of term.

- Gardening together

- Comparing stories of the weirdest stuff they confiscated from students

- Playing poker

- “Have you done this before?" @hovercraft79

- Forehead kisses

- Adventuring to find rare ingredients for Hecate's experiments that the school can't afford @cliotheproclaimer

- Visiting Pentangle's Academy for the first time

- Candlelight supper

- Hecate introducing Star to Pippa

- Playing Mario Kart

- Pippa shows Hecate all the video games she's confiscated from her students, one of which is Skyrim. (I bet Hecate would be a closet GTA5 player after)

- Ethel saw their first kiss and is about to cause havoc

- Playing billiards

- They have a fight at Cackle's and Pippa leaves but Hecate chases her and slams into the barrier and falls off her broom and that's how Pippa finds out about the confinement @allthosegaywitches    

- What if Hecate encounters [a siren] and it takes the form of the person she desires most and Pippa is there to save her or vice versa

- There was a post not too long ago where it was discussed that its possible many girls had crushes on Hecate. So my prompt is: Pippa keeps them unknowingly all away from her Hiccup and years later at a reunion Hecate realized how many girls liked her while Pippa realizes how she really feels about Hecate.

- "I was afraid of what you'd think of me." @maybegarbo

- A fic about/involving musical harmony as a chant method - how did Pippa come to decide this was a better way of doing it, for example? (either gen or shippy)

- Hicsqueak picnic

- Pregnancy fic because there’s not enough of those... Bonus if Hecate is the pregnant one

- Fake dating

- Hicsqueak discovering their favorite ways to snuggle

- Pentangle's academy is under attack Pippa is struggling against the enemy but Hecate comes to protect and save her wife (and the academy)

- Pippa is injured/sick and Hecate takes care of her @cliotheproclaimer

- Hicsqueak wedding

- End of year, the graduating girls play pranks on the teachers and this year someone magicked a mariachi band to follow Hecate around ALL DAY and every time she vanishes them they just reappear with one more band mate

- Staff party at the end of the year Pippa is invited too; Hecate doesn't like those parties and so never shows up but since this year Pippa is going she might go as well too

- Mildred yelling, "Ethel, if you don't stop being a homophobe, DuRIng PRide mONth, then I will yeet you out the window!!!" @firesofthestars

- Fist fight

- Hecate visits Pentangle's

- Going to festivals together

- The first time Hecate sleeps outside of Cackle's, in Pippa's bed. She knows this is where she belongs.

- Hecate gets sick, Pippa takes care of her

- Accidental magic. Something silly preferable to angsty, but if angst calls to you then by all means. For example: the reason Hecate is nicknamed Hiccup is because accidental magic gave her a case of uncontrollable hiccups. that sort of thing.

- Going to conferences together

- Hicsqueak. Pippa asks Hecate why she didn't lift the confinement spell when she (Hecate) was the acting headmistress (mid season 2)

- Hicsqueak in the aftermath of s3, emphasis on Hecate dealing with her trauma and figuring out how to have a healthy relationship

- Hecate as Pippa's "knight in shining armour" (can be non-magical or magical and from gen to smutty, whatever you make of it). Basically the classic damsel-in-distress-scenario with a badass Hecate coming to the rescue. If swordfighting could be included, that would be awesome!  @well-met-and-good-day-to-you-sir

- AND THERE WAS ONLY ONE BED

- Broomstick racing

- Fake Married trope! 

- Smoking weed together

- Touring witch colleges together/touring the country together

- Camping in the forest (the one surrounding Cackle's or any other)

- Getting drunk together for the first time

- Cuddles

- Pippa-centric, missing Hecate through the years @emiline-northeto

- Hecate-centric, missing Pippa through the years

- After Hecate and Pippa reconcile, their familiars aren’t quite sure how they feel about it.

- Hicsqueak conference fic

- Hicsqueak day at the beach

- Young!Hicsqueak - Hecate lied to Pippa about what happened to Indigo 

- "I don't think I ever stopped waiting for you."

- Pippa has always known about Hecate’s confinement and the hurt over the broomstick display came from her belief that Hecate didn’t have enough faith in them.

- Pippa finds out about Hecate’s confinement - and not from her.

- Fic where Hecate reconnects with her parents after the confinement is over - with Pippa’s support, of course.

- Hecate's favourite colour is pink 

- "You're an idiot" 

- Wedding fic 

- Baby fic 

- After the s3 finale, Hecate discovers the world with Pippa by her side 

- 5 trips Hecate and Pippa take together 

- 5 things Hecate wore that weren't her standard black dress @maybegarbo

- 5 times Pippa tapped Hecate's nose after Spelling Bee (bonus, but not obligatory: and one time Hecate tapped Pippa's) @shafeferi 

- 5 times Hecate and Pippa almost kissed (and one time they did) 

- Pippa gets abducted and Hecate loses it and tries to find her 

- Heat-of-the-moment kissing 

- Either of them gets implicated in a crime and there's ample evidence against them, so they go on the run, but the other is fiercely on their side and helps them any way they can / goes on the run with them 

- Coming out 

- Ace!Hecate @amillionmillionvoices

- Pippa is on the brink of getting married, and Hecate is heartbroken but doesn't think it's her place to say anything 

- One year, seven months, three weeks and two days  @ephemeral-winter

- 5 sunsets they saw together 

- "Ask me to marry you again" 

- Emotional scars 

- Morning routine 

- One day in the life 

- Hecate is bored in a meeting and decides to text Pippa on her maglet, Pippa texts back immediately 

- Pippa is ill, Hecate takes care of her and/or vice versa 

AU

- Doctor Who AU

- Persuasion (Jane Austen Novel) AU

- AU where they're Sirens and they have to deal with Odysseus. Or even about when Demeter gave the Sirens wings to search for Persephone

- MERMAIDS!

- Pirates

- AU in the Harlots universe @concreteangel1221

- Space commanders (Star Trek/Star Wars)

- Crime syndicate

- Street racers

- An AU where they go to Woodstock '69

- Middle earth

- Hecate lives above a bar, and is always angry about the noise. Pippa, the proprietor, has something to say about that. 

- Westeros

- Titanic AU, except there was enough room on the door! 

- Notting Hill AU

- Skyrim

- Witch in the Woods AU: Hecate does Pippa a favor, in exchange for her first-born child. But when Pippa shows up, distraught, 15 years later with a baby, Hecate wants no part of it.  @merricatsgarden

- Georgian Era

- Bus drivers (bus driver... what bus driver?)

- Stealing a car together (au)

- Dragon trainer. Pippa is gifted a dragon and needs someone to help her train and handle it. Enter Hecate Hardbroom, the Dragon Whisperer.

- Detective AU (potentially a bit humorous, a la Tommy & Tuppence or Psych, for example)

- Hecate is a college professor and Pippa is an older student returning to get her degree and the two fall in love

- Fluffy Harry Potter au where Hecate frequents nocturne ally for potions ingredients.

- Hicsqueak Victorian au

- Flirting / UST

- Heatwave

- Business woman/bakery or tea show owner AU

- Library AU @hovercraft79

- Medical AU

- Teacher/parent au @thegeneralisalive 

- Potions shop / magical pharmacy / similar au

- Soulmate au

- Spies / secret agents au

- Space au

- Princesses AU

AR (Alternate Reality) 

- AU: the thirty years of separation didn't happen, what are their life like now? (Living together, happily married, children?) @captaintangledmess

- Hecate's ~25 years old, she is given one day out of Cackles, what does she do? (Run to Pippa + drama ensues? Go somewhere else? Try to get Pippas help and they live happily ever after?)

- A canon-divergance AU where Pippa does end up with Ada's job in s2 and they have to work as a team. Lots of angst material there

- Pre-Spelling Bee and ignoring the whole stupid s3 confinement plot. Hecate and Pippa run into each other over the years at events, conferences, etc. @pellucidthings

- Hecate gives up her magic to restore the founding stone at the end of s2 @amillionmillionvoices

- AU where Hecate DOES show up to the broomstick waterskiing display, but someone sabotages her broom, and she crashes. Lots of #feelings and Hicsqueak hurt/comfort

- Tattooed!Hecate AU where Pippa has no idea that almost every inch of her is inked until she undresses her for the first time... @maybemoira / MauraMae

- AU where Hecate’s ‘confinement’ is because she’s a werewolf. @maybemoira

Gen

- Gen-Hecate, she discovers she has a sister 

- Hecate tutoring Mildred without being prompted or ordered to do so.

- Hecate supporting Maud during a difficult time @marvelousmadmadammim

- How Pippa came to found her school 

- Dimity being a friend to Hecate after the events of s3

- Dimity and Pippa becoming friends at a staff party or conference 

- A student comes out to Hecate, and she has to figure out how to handle it/how much to reveal about her own life

- 5 people Pippa came out to over the years (bonus + 1 she didn’t) @shafeferi 

Lyrics/Quotes

- Bastille's song JOY. Either take a line or just the song in general

- ‘But I'm on my way back home / It's been hard to be away’ (Dying Day- Brandi Carlile.)

- Interpret the poem "One-Act Play In Which Not All Problems Can Be Solved, & Not All Problems Are Problems, But Even So, Some Are" by Dalton Day, for Hicsqueak in light of S3, especially the bit that goes "ME: I have hands. You said you are scared of things like hands. Are you scared of my hands? YOU: Yes. ME: You have hands, too. Are you scared of your hands? YOU: Yes. ME: What if we traded hands?"

- Take the poem "One-Act Play In Which We Float Facedown In the Center Of A Lake, A Position Known As The Dead Man's Float" by Dalton Day as your starting point. Make me cry.

- Baby take me outside / kiss me in the moonlight / i just want you to touch me / i don't wanna waste no time (léon - surround me)

- I am no good at goodbyes / i never was and i don't know why / tell me, tell me that it was love / that it was real, remember all / that you have me if you still want me / baby, i'm no good at goodbyes / i never was and i don't know why (léon - no goodbyes)

- Want You Back by HAIM

- Supercut by Lorde

- ‘Will you lie here for me?’ (Lizzie)

- ‘She’s seen the pain that comes with your displeasure’ (Lizzie)

- ‘Maybe some day I’ll walk in the open’ (Lizzie)

- ‘They tried to keep me down, but I said no’ (Lizzie)

- ‘Let me tell you losing is not a game I play’ (Lizzie)

- ‘I sit here in the darkness, waiting for the light’ (Lizzie)

- ‘I know I got ‘em beat’ (Lizzie)

- ‘Watch me fly away’ (Lizzie)

- ‘Maybe some day I’ll walk in the open’ (Lizzie)

- ‘Maybe some day we’ll tell the world’ (Lizzie)

- ‘Into your wildest dreams I’ll fly’ (Lizzie)

- ‘You’ll see my face in every night sky’ (Lizzie)

- ‘Lock away your secrets, lock away my life’ (Lizzie)

- ‘I was a trembling child’ (Lizzie)

- ‘But now I see my troubled soul reflected’ (Lizzie)

- ‘What I don’t see can never hurt me’ (Lizzie)

- ‘But I’m more afraid to stay’ (Lizzie)

- ‘Settle cozy dark as sleep’ (Lizzie)

- ‘I want to sleep with my eyes half open’ (Lizzie)

- ‘You didn’t choose what side you’re on’ (Lizzie)

- ‘I’m standing looking forward in the dark’ (Lizzie)

- ‘It’s just us girls’ (Lizzie)

- ‘Don’t let them see how the fire burns’ (Lizzie)

- ‘Who told you that?!’ (Lizzie)

- ‘Will you bite through the skin to the sweet truth within?’ (Lizzie)

- ‘Will you stay?’ (Lizzie)

- ‘In every room a prisoner of a long silent war’ (Lizzie)

- ‘Sometimes you say the words, but this is not love’ (Lizzie)

- ‘I know if I stay here longer it’s gonna turn out bad’ (Lizzie)

- ‘Would you let me comfort you, if you knew?’ (Lizzie)

- ‘I can barely breath tonight’ (Lizzie)

- ‘A secrets just a lie’ (Lizzie)

- ‘Every night I dream of you’ (Lizzie)

- ‘The violence of freedom’ (Lizzie)

- ‘My silver wings are pinioned with green gold’ (Lizzie)

- ‘I feel myself disintegrating’ (Lizzie)

- ‘Oh that I had wings like a dove’ (Lizzie)

Smut/NC17

- Pippa persuading and watching Hecate touch herself

- Hecate’s first visit to an “adult” toy store with Pippa as an equally wide-eyed guide.

- Pippa telling Hecate all the dirty things she wants to do to her

- Hicsqueak smut, not first time, they're both happy and confident in their sexuality and relationship

- Dom!Hecate has Pippa in "detention" 

- Cuddle sex

- Angry sex

- Kisses/hugging/sexy times

- Pippa buying lingerie for Hecate and telling her how much she'd love for her to wear it // she does

- Hecate’s first time

- Hecate stripping for Pippa, feat. a nervous Hecate and a reassuring Pippa who has Hecate on her lap as soon as she can.

- Pippa calling Hecate "Good girl", Hecate calling Pippa "Miss Pentangle" during sex.

- 5 times hecate went down on Pippa

- "I hate this dress." / "then take it off me."

- Dom!Pippa telling Hecate when she can/can't cum - up to you if Hecate does or doesn't do as shes told.

ART

- Kisses! Sweet, passionate, you name it, any kiss. but Hicsqueak art of kisses would be really nice.

- Doctor Who AU

- MERMAIDS!

- Pirates @kayryn

- Space commanders (Star Trek/Star Wars)

- Crime syndicate

- Hecate stripping for Pippa, feat. a nervous Hecate and a reassuring Pippa who has Hecate on her lap as soon as she can.

- Street racers

- Middle earth

- Westeros @kayryn

- Pippa and Hecate dancing.

- Skyrim

- Georgian Era @kayryn

- Bus drivers (bus driver... what bus driver?)

- Cooking a full English breakfast together

- Afternoon tea @merricatsgarden

- Hecate's first trip to the beach, with Pippa

- Sunbathing

- "I don't think I ever stopped waiting for you."

- Swimming

- Swimming in a moonlit pond/pool. @merricatsgarden

- Stargazing

-  Adult Hecate standing between Pippa and some idiot man/Headbroom trying to hurt her

- Want You Back by HAIM

- Supercut by Lorde

- Forehead kisses

- Hicsqueak kissing under the mistletoe (I know it's not really that time of the year sorry)

- Hicsqueak wedding

- Hicsqueak flying together on a broom

[clevercatchphrase]

You Monster Chpt. 37 (The End)

(this story is also on AO3 under the same username as here! I am no longer linking the chapters or else Tumblr would hide the entire post from the search results!)

Light. The dim, enveloping glow curiously pokes its head around the corners of the tunnel for the first time in centuries and gently caresses their face with a soothing, familiar warmth.

Frisk faintly feels its heat on their cheeks and vaguely senses it through closed eyelids, which felt so unusually heavy that they can’t seem to open them even the tiniest sliver.

With a dreamy sort of awareness they realize their senses have somehow become detached. Slowly, their sluggish mind tries to reconnect their brain to their body. But there’s no hurry. No rush. Everything is calm in their current state of peaceful, black nothingness.

The first sense to return to them is their hearing- muddy at first, all the noise directed Frisk’s way sounded muffled and fuzzy and very far off in the distance.

“Frisk?”

“Frisk!”

“Please my child, open your eyes.”

The noise has no meaning at first; just pitches and tones, some louder or deeper than others, but as their hearing gradually returns, so did the memory of words and language, and Frisk realizes with a start someone was calling their name.

“Frisk, please wake up. This is all just a bad dream!”

That voice. They recognize that voice. Toriel. She’s calling to them.

Suddenly, the blackness all around Frisk’s mind didn’t seem as peaceful and calm as they once thought. They no longer wanted to rest, they wanted to wake up, but their body stayed limp and unresponsive to their thoughts. They strain to open their eyes, make even the smallest sound, move just an inch. But it might as well have been the hardest task in the world.

Their sense of smell returns next, useless as it was for their situation. The acrid stench of smoke, the cloying smell of dirt and rubble, the bitter odor of sweat and sharp aftertaste of magic all linger in the air.

A ways off, Frisk hears Undyne screaming, and Papyrus screaming, and Asgore unsuccessfully trying to calm them both.

Wake up! Wake up! Frisk thinks frantically. Please let me wake up to show them I’m okay!

“Please, Frisk,” Toriel whimpers. “Please do not tell me I could not save you, too.”

Their sense of touch comes back next, gradually growing aware of the furry arms and silken robes wrapped around their body and squeezing them tight.

Frisk tries to respond. Oh, how they want to raise their arms and squeeze her back, to show their mother they could hear her, that they were still here, but their body would not cooperate.

“Please,” Toriel begs, quiet, desperate. “Please do not tell me I have failed again.”

A single tear, unseen by Frisk, rolls down her muzzle, over her fangs and clings to her chin, where it wavers for a moment before deciding to leap from one face to the other. The lone droplet plunges, and hit its mark on the bare skin of Frisk’s cheek. The sudden touch of moisture and flash of heat is enough to make them flinch, and magically it was like a switch is flipped.

Their face twitches. And then their fingers. And then their toes. And then their body suddenly remembers how to move, and as if awoken from sleep, Frisk finally manages to open their eyes.

At first all they see is the white fur of their mother’s neck as she clutches them close to her chest with her head bowed over them in grief.

Frisk tries to speak, but the croak that came out of their throat gets smothered by the fur and they go unheard. So with tremendous effort, they raise one arm instead in a feeble attempt to hug her back.

Toriel startles. With a gasp, she loosens her hold enough to look down on her child’s face.

“Frisk?” She asks cautiously.

Exhausted, dazed, Frisk weakly grins back at her. “…Mom.”

“Frisk!” Toriel cries in jubilation, hugging her child tight once more, but this time in joy instead of despair.

Around them the shouting stops and the other monsters come close to see with their own eyes to confirm their little human is indeed okay.

“Frisk!” Undyne and Papyrus yell in unison.

“You’re okay!”

“You had us worried, punk!”

“Frisk, I am relieved to see you have escaped serious harm,” the deep voice of the king speaks up, warily standing a few feet back from the group like an uninvited guest.

“S-s-stop fighting!” the shrill, stuttering voice of Alphys cuts in as she hobbles into the room with an exhausted-looking Sans leaning heavily on her shoulder. She blinks in surprise at the scene before her. “Oh! Y-y-you already have. Um, that’s… that’s good!”

“Hey… everyone…” Frisk wheezes, voice raspy and dry. They try to sit up and fail, so Toriel helps adjust them until they’re upright in her lap.

Visions of the fight with Flowey swirl inside their head, but waking up to Papyrus and Undyne arguing with Asgore, Sans and Alphys arriving late to the scene, and Toriel crying over them did not match up with their memory of the ultimatum the little group had come to moments prior to the flower’s attack. They blink in confusion, clear their throat, and speak again, this time with a voice a bit stronger than before.

“What… what happened?” they inquire.

“We all caught wind you were gonna try and give up your soul to Asgore,” Undyne starts. “But none of us want to see you die, even if it means we can’t go free!”

“Yeah, so we all rushed over here as quick as we could!” Papyrus continues. “With my powers of persuasion and my brother’s short cuts we rallied everyone in the Underground to come to your aid!”

“U-Undyne, Papyrus and, uh, th-the former queen had to b-break through the wall while Sans and I caught up and-” Alphys adds before trailing off and blinking in confusion. “Wait a minute… what happened after you three broke through?”

Now it was the others’ turns to knit their brows and crease their foreheads in puzzlement as the collective gap in their memory is exposed.

“I… I do not recall…” Toriel speaks up, somewhat alarmed. “I remember a blinding white light, and, as strange as this sounds, I think I forgot who I was for a moment, but when the light faded I found you lying on the ground before the king. I assumed the worst and did not think of much else after that.”

Frisk absorbs their words, deep in thought. No one remembered Flowey. No- it was more like the attack from the flower had never happened, yet the barrier was still broken. How had he…?

They shift in Toriel’s lap, and, with effort, sit up on their own. “Do you remember… anything about a flower?” they ask the group.

Most monsters shake their heads.

“You’re gonna have to be more specific, Frisk.” Sans chuckles, eyeing them with mild interest. “There’re flowers all over the garden. We may have kicked up one or two.”

Off to the side, Asgore clears his throat. “Ah, pardon me for ruining the moment, but even though it seems something extraordinary that none of us can recall has occurred, the barrier by some miracle, has been brought down. I do not know how, but I shall not question it.”

Striding over with graceful steps and a smile of gratitude wide on his face, the king of all monsters humbly kneels before the little human.

“Human. Frisk. I may never know what has happened here today, but I have no doubt in my mind you played a big part. The barrier is gone, and thanks to you, monsters can finally go free.”

The last two syllables of Asgore’s declaration were like magic words that broke a spell. All around the room monsters stand a little straighter. Their eyebrows raise and they give small gasps of awe.

Go free.

The barrier was gone. Monsters could go free.

“Wait, I didn’t-” Frisk tries to explain, but no one was listening. This wasn’t right. They shouldn’t take the credit for this. Flowey- no, Asriel- was the one who had brought the barrier down. They get up, determined to set the record straight, but before they can even make a move, a great rumbling in the earth throws them off balance and their opportunity is lost when their mind switches to panic. Was this an earthquake? Had destroying the barrier caused a landslide?

But as the tremors grow stronger, so does a chorus of voices until Frisk realizes it’s not the mountain shifting around them, but a stampede of monsters storming the king’s castle.

And before anyone can say another word, there they are; Gyftrots and Ice Caps, Woshuas and Aarons, Temmies, Vulcans, Pyropes and every member of the royal guard bursting into the chamber and tumbling over one another in a great shouting mess. They yell at the king to “Stop fighting!” “They’re our friend!” and “Don’t hurt the human!” as well as yell at each other to “get out of the way!” “Quit pushing!” and “Excuse me, but your claw is in my ear!” until someone points out the human and hollers: “LOOK!”

All eyes turn to look and the screaming stops at once to be replaced with one simultaneous, overjoyed interjection of-

“FRISK!”

Anger forgotten, all these new monsters disentangle and surround their little human and cheer with triumph and hugs. They were safe! Their little human friend was okay!

“Well, my child, it certainly seems you know how to make quite the impression,” Toriel chuckles, rising to her feet and watching them fondly with respect for the number of monsters who’d all rushed to their aid. She could barely believe how many friends they had made. How many lives they had touched. Her smile wavers a bit, infiltrated with a vein of guilt. “I am… sorry… to have denied you your freedom for so long and doubted your ability to handle your own in the Underground. I think it is clear to say you have proven you can a dozen times over. Can you forgive me? For everything?”

Frisk turns to her, burying their face in her robes and letting out a contented sigh. “Always,” they whisper. They breathe deep, relishing the soft feel of her fur they almost thought they’d never feel again, while the monsters around them begin to catch up.

“Wait, what happened to the barrier?” “Look! It’s gone!” “But how?” “Did we break it?” “I bet it was Frisk!” “Yeah! They’re something special!” “They set us free!” “Oh! I’ve got to go home and tell my family this!” “We’re free!” “I’m gonna start packing immediately!” “Everyone! We’re finally free!”

Vainly, Frisk tries to explain that this wasn’t their doing, but all around them the monsters were too excited to listen. Going against their nature, Frisk decides to give up clarifying that it wasn’t them who broke the barrier. Everyone was too happy to care about the minor details anyway, so Frisk forces themselves to be cheery for their sake.

Scanning the crowd, Frisk realizes an oversight and turns to Toriel. “Oh! Mom, I see residents from Snowdin, Waterfall and Hotland, but do the monsters in the Ruins know the barrier is gone?”

“Oh my, perhaps not,” Toriel says, a hand going to her lips in concern. “As far as I am aware, I was the only one in the Ruins who left to search for you.”

“Then I gotta go back and tell them the good news,” Frisk suggests.

“Of course, my child. Let us get underway-“

But before Toriel could even take even a single step, a dozen monsters excitedly surround her. Apparently, somewhere in the chaos the word had spread that this new Boss Monster was the former queen and no monster in their right mind would pass up an opportunity to meet royalty.

“Queen Toriel!” “Miss Toriel!” “Are you really the queen?” “You came back!” “We missed you, your majesty!” “Are you gonna resume your throne?” “The kingdom definitely needs a better politician like you!” “(Don’t get us wrong, Asgore’s great, but all our history books say he’s only the heart of legislation while you were the brains.)”

“Oh dear,” Toriel sweats, searching for a way to politely side step the crowd and finding none. “It seems I may be a bit before we can head out, Frisk.”

“It’s okay, Mom,” Frisk says confidently. “I can handle it myself.”

Toriel pauses and looks up at them. For a brief moment there’s that ancient, lingering worry of a fretful mother in her eyes, but after a blink, it vanishes without a trace. She smiles at them with complete trust.

“I know you will,” she nods, and lets them go without complaint.

“Come on, guys!” Undyne announces to the skeletons and her girlfriend. “Let’s follow Frisk’s lead! There might be some monsters in the other regions who still don’t know! We gotta tell everyone we’re free!”

All around them monsters part to let them through, and some even turn to follow. Back down the golden corridor, over the ramparts and through the streets, Frisk was pushed to the head of the procession of cheering monsters as they sang about the news. They blush violently from so much misplaced praise, but stay quiet as they lead the march back through the Underground.

Into the elevator, then out into Hotland, Alphys branches off from the parade with a small group of Astigmatisms and Whimsalots.

“M-Mettaton and I will make an announcement over the PA system,” she explains. “That should cover all of Hotland! We’ll catch up with you again at the barrier. Er, or should I say former barrier.” Giggling at her joke, Frisk and their remaining company wave her goodbye. Another elevator and short walk later they were parting ways with Undyne at the dock, Napstablook and Temmies joining her.

“Leave Waterfall to me, Frisk,” Undyne smirks, flashing them that devilish grin full of her razor sharp teeth. “I know every rock and mushroom and will make sure everyone down to the last Moldbygg hears the news! In fact, I bet I can do it before you even reach Snowdin!”

“I won’t take that bet,” Frisk says, boarding the boat after Sans and Papyrus. “I know I’d lose."

Laughing, Undyne waves them farewell as the ferry takes off.

The boat ride is a peaceful one, with the river person humming a nondescript tune to the gentle lapping of the waves against the hull. Sans only manages to crack three puns before falling asleep, and for once Papyrus doesn’t get after him for his "laziness."

“Don’t worry about Snowdin,” Papyrus says to Frisk when they disembark at their destination. “I will see to it that every rabbit, slime and snowman knows of our emancipation!” The taller skeleton hefts his brother up on his back like the world’s boniest bag of flour. “But first I will see my brother tucked into bed for a bit of rest. I hate to admit it, but after seeing how much he overworked his magic today, he actually has a valid excuse to be napping! We will meet you again at the exit!”

The three part ways at the town intersection, skeleton brothers heading east towards home, and human child west, through the woods and back towards the Ruins.

Frisk politely waves them farewell, but as soon as they're out of sight, they let their smile fall off their face and sigh.

Pretending to be happy was getting tiring. They had told the truth when they said they wanted to tell everyone in the Ruins that they were free, but deeper down they were honestly just relieved to get away from all those monsters applauding them for something they didn't do. They shouldn't be getting praised like this. Shattering the barrier wasn't their doing. All this love wasn't for them. Not to mention the issue that they were still a human trying to be wedged into a monster's world.

How could all the monsters just brush it off like it didn't matter? How could any of them turn away so easily from what they had been taught to believe their entire life and just ignore that little fact at the drop of a hat? Frisk surely couldn't. Maybe it was a monster thing that allowed them to just be so accepting, but Frisk couldn't say the same for themselves. It still wasn't right. None of it felt right. They were going to need a lot of time to think this through.

Trekking through the snow, Frisk pauses their sullen introspection just long enough to notice a small white canine standing in the Ruins' doorway. He regards them with such a look of pure smugness that, for a moment, Frisk can't tell if this dog knows more than he lets on. They study him a while.

"Hey," Frisk says after wavering a moment, feeling unusually silly for talking to a dog even though they had done so plenty of times in the past. "You know, I've seen you around a lot recently, but it's never occurred to me to ask you this. Are you... Are you a monster dog? Or are you just a regular dog?"

The white dog snorts in amusement. Or maybe it was just a regular doggy sneeze. Either way, the canine gives no clearer answer. With that, he picks himself up, gives himself a good shake, and trots merrily into the forest, charred tail held high as he swaggered off.

Frisk watches him go, more unsure than ever of the dog's state of awareness, but chooses to follow his example and not be bothered by it. Straightening up, they turn back to the Ruins entrance, and finally return to the place they once called home.

A great sense of nostalgia comes over Frisk as they cross the threshold out of the snow-blanketed forest and back into the purple, brick lined tunnels. The warm, ever-present aroma of baked confections greets them as they ascend the stairs back into the sleepy, unchanged house. They dither a moment, and decide to take a detour back to their room before alerting their friends of their new freedom.

Their room is exactly how they left it- untouched by neither time nor their mother in their absence. Passing their bookshelf, they pause and deposit the one remaining geode that they picked up from Waterfall onto their desk placing it next to a few other meager mementos of theirs. They smirk with a pang of irony when they spy their cellphone not even a foot away, and pick it up. Oh, how all of this could have been prevented if they had just taken their phone with them that night, but then again it was a pretty funny thought when they connected the chain of events. Who else could say they forgot their phone at home and ended up setting off a domino effect that would free an entire race?

On a whim, they hit the speed dial and hold the phone to their ear. It rings twice then someone on the other end of the line picks up.

“Hello, this is Toriel,” the voice greets.

“Hey, Mom. I’m just calling to say I made it back okay.”

“Oh, thank you for checking in, Frisk!” Toriel says. “That’s very responsible of you!”

“I... may be a while before I came back. I want to make sure everyone hears the news.”

“Take all the time you need, my child,” Toriel reassures. “We will not take one step outside if you are not there with us.”

“Thanks, Mom. Talk to you later.”

Frisk hangs up the phone and casts one more look around the room. They glance at their bed, and a funny thought occurs to them. This hadn’t always been their bed, had it? They had been born on surface, so this bed, these toys, all these books, this entire child’s room hadn’t originally been theirs.

Didn’t some of those monsters in the throne room call Toriel ‘Your Majesty’? And hadn't Kid called Asriel a prince? So if Toriel and Asriel were both royalty, then that meant Asriel was Toriel’s-

Sharply turning on their heel, Frisk makes for the front door. Maybe it was better they hadn’t been able to explain about Asriel to everyone in the throne room, but suddenly understanding this connection fills them with a new, different sort of agitation.

Passing the tree in their front yard, they come across a Vegetoid and Loox who beam at them with elation.

“Frisk!” “You’re back!” “Where have you been?” “We missed you!”

“I went all the way to the end of the Underground and back.” Frisk chuckles, hugging them each in turn. “Oh and the barrier is broken. Monsters are free now!”

Loox’s eye goes wide in wonder and Vegetoid’s jaw drops.

“Really??” “No way!!” “We’re free?” “Unbelievable!”

“Believe it!” Frisk insists. “And tell everyone you know! Let’s get everyone to the surface!”

The two monsters needed no further prompting. With a hop and a skip Vegetoid and Loox race away, ready to tell anyone who would listen. Frisk follows at a leisurely pace, telling every Whimsun and Migosp they encounter, who in turn bound away to tell every other Moldsmal and spider.

By the time they reach the spider’s bake sale, jubilant cries of “We’re free!” “Everyone, we’re free!” could be heard echoing through the corridors. The lone human figures if they could hear those cheers this far back in the caverns, then everyone must know the news by now.

They turn back towards home, only to cross paths with a Froggit, who hops up beside them.

“Frisk! Did you hear? A miracle has happened! The barrier has been destroyed and monsters can finally return to the surface! We’re finally free!”

“I did hear!” Frisk plays along. “I was just about to head to the exit myself!”

“Good idea!” The frog monster croaks. Then pauses, and looks back. “Oh. Before you go, tell that other Boss Monster kid the news. I was so excited to tell my family that I forgot to tell him. Anyway, see you on the surface!”

Frisk waves the Froggit farewell, carefully hiding their confusion with an overconfident smile.

‘Tell that other Boss Monster kid?’ But… surely Froggit knew they weren’t a Boss Monster if they knew their true name. So who could it be referring to? Unless…

Eyes going wide, Frisk turns to the west and sprints to the very last -and very first- cavern they could reach as fast as their legs could carry them.

____________________________________________________

Asriel sits in the center of the flower patch in the lone ray of light that the ceiling could offer. Gently, he thumbs a golden petal between his fingers, careful not to tear it from the flower.

“We did it, Chara,” he says absently to the soil. “I-it took longer than we anticipated, a-and I needed some extra help, but in the end, we freed everyone. Just like we said we would.”

The monster child snuffles, and wipes his nose with a sleeve. No tears welled in his eyes so he did not cry. A tiny part of him wonders if he had already forgotten how again.

Sighing, Asriel turns over his paws and studies his nails and pads. He had returned all the monsters’ souls and set the human ones free to wherever they wished to go to, so he knows this form would not stay with him for long. He figures he has an hour, maybe two, before the residual magic has evaporated and his form would revert, but for now he examines the body he has. Raising one hand over his head, he places it between his face and that small patch of sky. In the thinnest parts of his skin between the fingers, the light was just strong enough to shine through, illuminating the capillaries under his snow white fur. But was it really him? Were these really the arteries and veins of a living body? Or the illusion of fur and flesh over his roots and leaves? After all this, was he really back, or just trying to fool himself, to distract his mind away from the growing hollow that gnawed within him where a soul once was, or maybe never had been?

Asriel sighs again and lowers his arms. Feelings were already starting to leave him, slowly leaking out like a glass with a hairline crack. He felt real. He looked real. Why couldn’t that be enough proof for him?

“Asriel,” the voice is so quiet, the monster child almost thinks he imagined it, but he blinks in surprise when he looks up to find another kid at the mouth of the cave.

“Frisk?” He says, startled. “W-what are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be going to the surface with everyone else?”

“I... came back to the Ruins to make sure everyone heard the news that the barrier was gone,” Frisk explains, though their voice hesitates ever so slightly. “Someone told me there was one last kid lagging behind.”

He stares at them for a moment, before raising his brow. “You mean me?”

“Yeah! You’re my friend, too, you know. You should go to the surface with everyone else.” Frisk’s smile falters just the tiniest bit when Asriel shakes his head.

“Frisk… I can’t. Not after all I’ve done and how I treated everyone. I know I look like my old self, but I won’t last this way forever. Pretty soon I just know I’m going to regress back into a flower. And when that happens I’m probably gonna forget how to be compassionate again, too.” While he speaks, Frisk wordlessly comes closer until they join him in the flower patch, and sits down beside him. “Sometimes I think I was never Asriel at all. Surely someone who is remembered as being so kind would never do the rotten things I did. Even without a soul.”

Frisk hums, studying Asriel with a mixture of sympathy and remorse. “Maybe that’s true, but that doesn’t mean you can’t be better.” They venture. “Sure, Asriel died, and pretty soon you’ll go back to being Flowey, but the feelings you feel now and the memories you made today are yours and yours alone. So… even if you don’t think you’re Asriel, you still chose to set the monsters free. You still broke the barrier. You can keep choosing to do the right thing, the kind thing, even without a soul.”

“Thanks, Frisk,” Asriel sniffs and cracks a grateful smile. “You always knew the right thing to say to make me feel better. Even when I was a flower. I should have listened to you more. If… If I hadn’t been so obsessed with trying to bring Chara back, I might have just realized that you were the friend I wished I had all along.”

“You do have me as a friend.” Frisk ensures him. “I’m sorry I couldn’t be the friend you needed back then. I couldn’t quite control that with not being born yet and all. But I’m here now. We can start being real friends now if you want. When you go to the surface, let’s pretend that we’ve never met and start over from there!”

Asriel laughs at the joke, but even now it’s starting to feel forced as emotions are stolen from him. His smile fades.

“Thanks for the offer, Frisk, but I really can’t go. S-someone has to take care of these flowers after all.” He hastily adds, but Frisk doesn’t budge.

“C’mon, Asriel. There’s gotta be something I can say to make you change your mind and leave this place.”

“I’m serious, Frisk,” Asriel says sternly. He didn’t want to admit to them it was because he didn’t trust himself . If he can’t feel anything, then that means he’s inevitably going to screw up again. Say the wrong thing again. Hurt them again. He can’t do that to them again. He won’t. “Please… let me end on a high note. Let everyone think I died trying to be heroic instead of returning as the villain. Can you do that for me? Can you promise me you won’t tell the others what happened to me? I-if Mom and Dad see me like this and then like a flower again it’s gonna break their hearts.”

Frisk stares at the martyr prince for a long while, trying to come up with any reply to convince him to come with him, but they can think of none, and it’s clear by the look in his eyes that Asriel’s mind was already made up.

“I promise,” Frisk sighs in defeat. “I won’t tell them what happened to you.”

“Thank you.” Asriel breathes with relief. Uncrossing their legs, Frisk stretches out in the flowers beside him. “Um… Frisk… why are you still hanging out here with me? Don’t you have anything better to do?”

“I don’t want to say goodbye to my best friend just yet,” Frisk winks. “’Cause if- once I leave, I’m not sure how long it'll be before I get to see him again.”

Asriel snorts. “Won’t Mom get anxious if she realizes you’re taking an awful long time to get back?”

“I told her I might be a while... She won’t be worried.”

Their words sound honest enough, but Asriel can't help but feel like there is more that they won't say. Something they're hiding. Humming, he and decides not to press. If they wanted to tell him, they'd tell him. So instead he lies down beside them, and together the two friends share a peaceful silence as they watch clouds drift by their little window a hundred feet above. The sight tickles a memory in Asriel and after a minute he speaks up.

“Hey Frisk?”

“Hm?”

“You remember being human now, right? Do you… remember your life on the surface? Before you fell?”

Frisk shifts in the flowers, the air suddenly dour around them.

“Bits and pieces…” They say vaguely. “I remember little things like nursery rhymes, movie theatres, car trips and shots for school. I was really young back then, but maybe not as young as I thought I was when I fell... In fact, I think I may be over the age of fourteen instead of just having turned thirteen.”

“Do you… do you remember why you climbed the mountain?” Asriel dares to ask.

A long silence follows. Asriel almost thinks Frisk had fallen asleep judging by their stillness, but to his surprise, they roll over and look him in the eyes. “You know what? I don’t remember.” They stick their tongue out and flash him a goofy grin.

“Ah, well. Guess you can’t get all your memories back,” he shrugs. “Chara never liked to talk about the surface with me, and, well, my memories of it aren’t pleasant either. I guess I was hoping to hear something reassuring about it, so I know what all the other monsters are getting into.”

“There… will be challenges, no doubt,” Frisk says. “But… I have a feeling they’ll all learn to get along.”

“That’s good,” Asriel sighs, and then yawns in the late afternoon heat. “I think… I’m gonna take a nap for a bit. It’s been a long day.”

“Yeah, me too.” Frisk agrees, and allows themselves to unwind. It’s not long before they can hear the sound of Asriel’s gentle snoring, and their own eyelids start to grow heavy. Still, they fight off sleep just yet. With Asriel here, they could temporarily ignore their own troubles and focus on his. There had to be a way to bring him back with them to the surface with everyone else, where he belonged. No matter what he had done in the past, Frisk couldn’t let their oldest friend be left behind.

Frisk ponders and plans and schemes and speculates, but no matter how hard they think, they can’t come up with a good argument to get Asriel to come with them. They guess they could use brute force, digging him up as a flower and taking him to the surface in a pot whether he liked it or not, but they would rather Asriel come willingly so that he knew he was worth it. Forcing him to come along might send the wrong message. Heaven knows that’s how they would have felt if any of their monster friends had use force to get them to stay away from the king.

Frisk rolls on their side and sighs in frustration. There had to be a way.

There had to be a way…

They close their eyes to concentrate, but doing so just reminds them how tired they still were, and unfortunately the grass was soft and the sunlight was warm, and without even realizing it, Frisk follows Asriel into sleep.

__________________________________________________

Something was tapping against their forehead. Something small, and smooth and hard and maybe a touch cold.

Frisk creases their brow, gives a grunt of displeasure, and groggily swipes at their face.

Something taps them again. This time grazing their nose. Then again on the ear, like a stern flick of discipline.

Groaning, Frisk rolls over, murmuring “Stop it, Flowey,” half awake. “I’m trying to sleep.”

“Why should I?” A new voice says. “You are the one who is in my bed.”

Frisk’s eyes fly open the moment they realize there’s someone else in the cave with them, and abruptly they sit up. They gasp in awe. There, at the edge of the flower patch, sitting against a crumbling pillar in the shadows-

-is another human.

Their skin is pale, almost sickly so, with flushed cheeks that may have been caused by fever or rosacea. Their hair, a light reddish-brown and razor straight frames their face, almost obscuring their intense, ruby-red irises. They wear a simple green and yellow sweater and brown cargo pants, and hug their boney knees with one arm while they stare at Frisk, flicking pebbles at them with their free hand.

“Nearly a whole a decade in the Underground,” they say absently. “One would think you would have learned not to sleep on my grave by now.”

It dawns on Frisk that they recognize this human, though before their glimpses of them had been fuzzy in their dreams and blurry in the video tapes. They speak the name they had said many times before, but now it felt entirely different knowing it belonged to someone else.

“Chara…”

“I guess I have no right to complain anymore, though.” Chara continues as if Frisk hadn’t spoken. “Technically it is your grave now, too, after all.”

“I… what do you mean?”

“She thought you had been murdered,” the strange child says evenly. “Asriel framed your death. It is why she never came looking for you.”

Frisk found it hard to break away from that unsettling stare of Chara’s and had to wipe their watering eyes. Was it Frisk’s imagination, or were they slightly fuzzy around the edges? The teeniest bit blurry, and maybe even… transparent?

“Is this… is this a dream?” Frisk asks looking around. Asriel is still lying beside them, but he doesn’t appear to be breathing, as if frozen in time.

“What do you think?” Chara asks back, slightly annoyed, and they flick another pebble at Frisk’s face. It bounces off their cheek with a small, but very tangible impact. They guess they were awake then.

“So why did you do it?” The ghost before them prods. Chara moves their whole head to look at them, owl-like, their eyes motionless in their sockets. They tip their head to the side in interest, and the shift in their hair causes golden petals to drift form their scalp, as if magically conjured between the strands.

“Do what?”

“Climb the mountain, idiot. Every child in a fifty mile radius of this place knows the legends. They know those who come here never return. So why did you?”

Frisk cracks a half-hearted smile. “Well, like I told Asriel, I don’t really remember-"

“Do not try to lie to me,” Chara interrupts. Their pitch does not change, but every word is as cold as ice. “You may be able to fool Asriel, but deceit will not work on me.”

Frisk’s jaws snap shut. Involuntarily, they swallow a lump in their throat. Chara’s eyes unfocus just a fraction as they study the other human before them, and Frisk suppresses a shiver. That gaze of theirs seemed to pierce straight through them, as if they were nothing but clear glass, viewing their entire life’s history up to this point.

“Ah, you saw it too, didn’t you?” Chara says after a tense pause. “Even at your young age you understood how vile humanity was to the world and itself. You even experienced it firsthand.”

Frisk’s stomach twists and lurches, as if Chara's words are like metal claws, forcibly dredging up the memories against their will. They fight to stay upright as a wave of nausea and fear washes over them.

“That… was a long time ago,” Frisk says with as much pseudo-confidence as they can muster. “Things are better now. Humanity is ready to change. They'll accept the monsters this time around. I know it.”

“What makes you so sure?”

“Well, I’m here, right? If I could befriend monsters, then maybe other people can too.”

Chara shakes their head, and golden petals rain from their hair. How curious. Surely their hair was too thin and straight to conceal so many?

“Frisk you are the exception, not the rule.” The ghost says. “Do you think you would have grown up so loving and kind if you had stayed on the surface? Do you think you would still be as merciful and forgiving if you had fallen with your memories intact?”

Frisk didn’t have an answer for that. Wisely, they decide to stay silent.

“That's what I thought. So. When are you leaving?” Chara asks, even though it sounds more like a demand.

“I can’t leave yet,” Frisk insists. “Not until I convince Asriel to go with the rest of the monsters. He… he shouldn’t stay here. He shouldn’t have to be alone.”

“He won’t be alone,” the ghost challenges. “He has me.”

“But… but you’re dead!”

“So is he,” Chara points out. “And I will not let your greedy hands have him.”

“Greedy? How on Earth am I greedy?” Frisk demands, insulted.

“Oh, please! It’s one of your natural human traits!” Sneering in fury, Chara stands to their full height and looks down the end of their nose at Frisk with balled up hands. “You took my clothes, you took my name, you took my life,” Chara spits out each word as if it were poison, leaving a bad taste in their mouth. “You are not taking him from me too!”

Speechless, Frisk stares at Chara. For a whole minute nobody moves. Nobody breathes. Then, the slightest movement catches Frisk’s eye, and with great effort, they manage to tear their gaze away from Chara’s glare, and look to their fists. They were trembling.

Suddenly it clicks.

Chara is scared.

“You can’t touch me, can you?” Frisk dares to guess. “If I wanted to take him away by force, you wouldn’t be able to stop me.”

Chara goes rigid as stone, fists clenched, lips tight. If ghosts needed to breathe, Frisk was sure they would have gasped.

On stiff legs, the dead child stalks out of the shadows and over to the human in the light. Despite being frozen with terror, Frisk is awestruck to see golden flowers erupt and bloom from the earth with each step Chara takes, only to watch them wither away to ash as soon as their foot leaves the ground again. Not once did Chara take their eyes off of Frisk, and when Frisk’s own eyes begin watering again, it’s then that they realize that, this whole time, Chara has not blinked.

When they’re less than a foot apart, Chara crouches until the two are eye-level. Only now does their gaze shift away from Frisk’s face and towards their chest.

Eyes focused, jaw set, Chara lifts one ghostly hand towards them. Frisk feels resistance before Chara even touches them. A great pressure squeezes against their front like an invisible wall trying to push them back, push them away from this apparition, but Frisk holds firm. Chara seems to be struggling too, trying to fight against this unseen force, straining to touch Frisk with even just two- one- finger.

Chara’s nail grazes Frisk’s sweater, and the invisible barrier between them sparks and repels the hand like two opposing magnets.

Frisk flinches in alarm and Chara yanks their arm back, eyes screwed tight in pain. Hastily they shake out the sting, and golden blossoms and flower buds spill endlessly from their sweater's sleeve.

“You are lucky,” Chara says sucking on their burnt finger, bitter, resigned. “That your soul is so pure. If you had chosen to harm even one monster, I would have ripped your soul from your undeserving body and crushed it so you could never hurt anyone else."

"You... You can do that?"

"I would have found a way." Chara spits. "People think fighting makes them strong, but they've got it backwards. Violence may make your body strong, but it makes your soul weak. It pushes out the empathy and replaces it with hate. It is a shame humans do not teach that to one another. If I had learned this sooner, I may not have died.”

“But… I thought you died from getting sick? Was it violence instead?”

“No, sickness is correct.” Chara affirms. “But it was not a mystery illness. I ingested buttercups to poison myself. A horribly slow way to go, but it got the job done.”

Beside the pair, Asriel sighs and rolls over in his sleep. At once, Chara’s sour expression melts into a look of adulation as they turn to admire him.

“You loved him, didn’t you?” Frisk dares to ask, sensing the danger has passed knowing Chara's bluff was called.

“Unfathomably,” Chara admits. “I am ashamed I did not express it as much as I felt it. I loved him so much, it was unbearable. I loved him so much that I wanted to give him the sun and the stars and show him the phases of the moon. I wanted him to see fireworks, and birds migrate, and the seasons change. I wanted him to hear thunder and see the rainbow after the storm, I wanted to take him to the beach to smell the salt of the sea, and see the vastness of the ocean and feel the waves against his feet while I poured sand down his pants. I wanted to give him the world." They sigh with longing and regret.

“But unfortunately my body was not the only thing that was poisoned. My soul was tainted by too much of that hate, and when the moment came that I needed to show even an iota of compassion, I failed, and we both ended up dead.”

“But that wasn’t your fault-“

“You do not understand,” Chara snaps. “When we got to the surface, Asriel did not let me fight back against the humans, and I did not let him get away. If I had not tried to force him to retaliate, he could have gotten home safely. If I had just cared while he was being ruthlessly attacked, he would have lived.” They begin to giggle, but it’s a hateful, disgusted kind of laugh. “Ha ha ha, he was the only good thing to ever happen to me in my rotten excuse of a life, and I. Got. Him. Killed.”

“I’m sure Asgore and Toriel would forgive you if you explained what happened.” Frisk suggests. “Asgore seems to understand what happened, at least a bit.”

“Oh, please,” Chara sneers. “Do not try to convince me I was misguided. I know exactly what I was doing when I swallowed those flowers. I wantedto die so my worthless existence could be used to help someone. Monsters were all waiting for me to die anyway. I just sped up the process.”

Frisk doesn’t respond. It’s not that they don’t have anything to say, but any kind of solace they could try to give would have probably just sounded hypocritical in light of what they themselves had tried to do only a few hours prior. Heck, it would have sounded insincere with how they still felt now. They shift uneasily amongst the flowers.

“Here’s an idea,” Frisk suggest, desperate to change the subject. “Why don’t you go with them to the surface, too? Surely you don’t have to stay here either, right?”

“There would be no point,” Chara declines. “As a ghost without a soul, the only thing the surface would offer would be a change of scenery. I would not be able interact with it.”

“Well, what if you took mine?”

And for the first time since their conversation started, Chara blinks, taken back in pure surprise.

“What?”

“I don’t want anyone to be left behind. I know Asriel feels guilty for what he did, and… looking back now I understand he did lie to me, and tried to use me, but… he’s still my friend, even if he made some terrible choices. He was nice to me growing up. Even if he didn’t mean it then, I know he means it now, and I… I want him to be happy. If you come back, then maybe he’ll let himself be happy too.”

Chara doesn’t move as they process Frisk’s words, slowly their eyes dilate at what this could potentially mean. They stare at them hungrily for an uncomfortably long time, before they squeeze their eyes shut and slowly shake their head with a firm sense of finality.

“What is wrong with you, you idiot?” Chara snips. "Were you not listening to a word Asriel said? He told you himself that monsters care about you. They all came to save you!"

"Yeah, but... I don't really deserve all this attention the monsters are giving me, especially when I kept them trapped for longer than they needed to be…" Frisk mumbles, unconvinced. "Plus, I'm human. They can't just... accept me after what our kind did to them!"

"Frisk, if you think that being human means you don't deserve the monsters' love, well...! I agree with you, but that is not how monsters work!" Chara shouts. "And do not believe for a second that I could not see through what you were trying to do. I heard how you talk, how you insist Asriel should go to the surface, but don't plan to go yourself. You thought you could escape your problems by running away back here? Just like you tried to do when you were on the surface? Too bad! You befriended them all, so now they want you in their lives. They'll always come back for you even if you try to leave them behind, and you are just going to have to deal with it!”

“They’re just acting like that because they think I brought down the barrier. They don’t really mean it.”

“You are lucky I cannot touch you or I would slap some sense into your thick skull,” Chara seethes, pinching the bridge of their nose. “Even though you offer, I will not take it. Your soul is your own. You cannot just give it to whoever you want. It does not work that way.”

“But you died too young! You deserve to be happy too!”

“Is that so?” Chara challenges. “Then what about the other six humans? They were children too, you know. Surely they were more innocent than us and died just as unfairly. Their souls may be free, but their ghosts still linger. Where is their happy ending?”

“I… I didn’t think about that…”

“Listen, Frisk, just because you could save us, does not mean you should, especially if the cost is your own life. Asriel and I… we had our chance and we screwed it up. Our turn at life is over, and that is not your problem to fix.”

“But… I don’t really belong with monsters,” Frisk persists. “I’m not a monster, and I can’t pretend to be one anymore. Wouldn’t everyone be happier if Asriel came back and went to the surface instead of me? He’s the real hero after all.”

“Frisk, stop trying to be anything. Before today you had no idea you were human. Most of your life you never cared how others saw you. You were just you. And even if you do not think you played a part, Asriel broke the barrier because you were being you. So stop worrying about what you are not. Just be yourself. It is the only thing you know what to be. It is all you know how to be.”

Frisk looks away, unsure if this strange feeling in their stomach was gratitude or dubiety. Maybe it was both. Chara certainly had an odd way of making their reassurances sound aggressive.

“Did… did Asriel bring you back when he took all the souls?” Frisk asks, switching topics again so they wouldn’t have to think about it.

“What is this, twenty questions?” Chara asks back, sarcastically, but answer anyway. “Tangibly? Yes, this is the first time I have been able to manifest and communicate so clearly. But metaphysically? No. I have been... here for as long as you have been in the Underground. I have been with you everywhere you have been. I had even tried to make my presence known to you, but either you could not hear me or you ignored me, because you never responded no matter how loud I called, so eventually I stopped trying, save for some... special circumstances.”

A sudden understanding strikes Frisk with alarming clarity.

“Wait- do you mean all the times I-"

“Had a nightmare when you slept on golden flowers or in places with “too much untamed magic”?” Chara finishes for them with an unsympathetic smirk. “Strange mood swings, such as crying for people you have never met? Yes, those were me. Asriel may have made me stir when he called my name, but for some reason you… you woke me up when you landed on my grave. I will not pretend I understand how it happened, but I guess I should thank you. If you had never awoken me, I would have never gotten to see him again.”

Frisk hums sympathetically and casts their gaze to the hole in the cavern overhead. The sun has shifted away from directly overhead, causing the light to start fading. Even though they didn't want to, they should probably leave soon. Based on what Chara has told them, they have a feeling Chara would not let them stay.

“One last question before I go,” Frisk says, morbid curiosity pushing them to ask something they almost had answered earlier that day. “Chara? What’s it like? Being dead?”

Chara gives them an annoyed look, before their expression shifts to contemplative as they actually consider the question. The silence between them goes on for almost a solid minute before Chara finally speaks again.

“The thing about being dead is… you do not know you are dead… until you are not anymore.”

“Wait,” Frisk squints trying to puzzle out the riddle. “So does that mean you’re-"

“I suggest you take your leave,” Chara cuts them off, not sounding suggestive in the slightest. “Asriel's time is almost up, and he is not going to want you to see him change back into a flower.”

Frisk sighs, not wanting a fight, and glances to Asriel one last time.

Was… was it their imagination or did he look fainter than before? Creasing their brow, Frisk blinks once, twice, and rubs their eyes. No. they weren’t seeing things. He was definitely more transparent. They could see straight through him to the flowers under his body.

“Go be with the people who want you, Frisk,” Chara says one last time, quiet, tired. “We will be fine.”

It sounded like a lie. It felt like one, but when Frisk looks back at Chara gazing at Asriel with such love and regret, they think they finally understand.

To have good intentions go wrong and come back after their death had caused so much pain and prolonged suffering, to live knowing monsters had died waiting, innocent children slain in their name, to offer them their soul and be rewarded with a new life knowing they’d have to live with that knowledge? They'd never want to wish that guilt onto anyone.

Suddenly Frisk's own fears seemed miniscule in comparison.

“Okay,” Frisk forfeits at last. “I’ll go... And I won’t take him away from you either. Not if you still need him.”

Chara sighs long and loud with relief, all the unseen tension leaving their body.

“But don’t be afraid to call for help, okay?” Frisk asks. “I know you don’t think you deserve it. I still don’t really think I deserve it either, but if what you say is true… if all these monsters came to save me because they want me, then that means there are still some out there who’ll want to save you, too.”

“I will keep that in mind,” Chara says, and genuinely smiles at them with gratitude.

With that, Frisk gets up, brushes themselves off, and makes for the cavern exit. They stop at the mouth of the tunnel and look back one last time to that patch of sunlight in the otherwise completely dark room.

The ghost of the first human huddles over the ghost of the martyr prince, hugging their knees, motionless as a statue, hair obscuring their face. Slowly, anxiously, one hand reaches out, hovers over his head, before gently stroking the fur on his brow. The motion is filled with such adoration that Frisk feels as if they have witnessed something secretly intimate.

As quietly as they can, they tip toe out of the room, leaving the two lost children behind.

_______________________________________________________

Was it minutes or hours later when they finally returned to the throne room? The time it took for Frisk to make the journey back again seems to pass in an instant to their distracted mind. But climbing up the castle steps once again, this time passing hundreds of monsters eagerly awaiting the all clear to begin migrating out of the mountain, Frisk’s spirits could help but lift.

Friends and strangers point and whisper and wave as they walk past, and the crowd parts to let them move to the front. Frisk grins, almost involuntarily as the monsters cheer them forward. It was surreal, passing by hundreds of monsters who urged them on with smiles full of love, and eyes wide with wonder and joy, eagerly encouraging them onward.

Back in the throne room a grand commotion electrifies the air, with Undyne and Papyrus organizing the crowds and Sans and Alphys drawing up plans and procedures for future human encounters with Toriel and Asgore.

Frisk smiles at the organized chaos and monsters busying themselves, getting everything in place in preparation for the mass exodus. Toriel had certainly kept occupied while they were away.

She notices them first amongst the six coordinators and perks up at the sight of them.

“Frisk! Back already?” she beams at them. “Everyone in all the other regions has been alerted to the news and we have just been making sure everyone sets out in a calm, orderly fashion. We are ready to embark when you are.”

“Well, let’s not keep everyone waiting!” Frisk insists.

“Of course,” Toriel agrees. “Would you like to lead the way?”

Hand in hand, Frisk, Toriel and every monster in the Underground follow their lead as they march up the tunnel to the surface.

Despite the setting sun, the light seems to shine even brighter the closer they come to the surface, and when they breach the mountain’s summit, gasps of awe echo through the crowd as the world unfolds around them.

Monsters, cautious at first, carefully pick their way across the rocks, striking out a new path as they spread out over the mountain side. But then, someone somewhere boldly takes the first leap, and spurs on the stampede of elated monsters as they spill down the cliffs.

“We’re free.” Someone breathes, and then again, louder, laughing, overcome with joy. “We’re free! WE’RE FREE!”

Order is lost almost instantaneously as the most excitable monsters whoop and holler in exhilaration, racing each other to be the first to explore this new world.

In too much of a good mood to dampen the excitement Asgore lets them go, and eventually the crowds calm again as they boldly march down the mountain en masse.

Toriel and Frisk stand apart from the rest, seeing to it that everyone makes their way out and no stragglers are ignored. By the time the last monster has wandered out of the mountain, the sky has shifted into the purples of twilight, and the first of the evening stars have blinked awake.

Even after the final monster eagerly scrambles after the others, Toriel and Frisk hang back until they’re the last ones on the mountain top, silently watching the others descend.

“Frisk,” Toriel says when all the others are out of earshot. She speaks nervously, almost guiltily. “I have been meaning to apologize… for keeping your identity a secret from yourself. It was wrong of me. A lie of omission is still a lie, and I should not have done that to you for all those years.”

“It’s okay,” Frisk assures her, squeezing her hand a little tighter. “I know why you did it and I forgive you.”

Toriel smiles thankfully, though something else still lingers on her mind.

“As you are aware now, this is the world you came from, so even though it pains me, even though it has been years, I must ask… Is there… is there anywhere you wish to return to?”

It takes a moment for them to understand, but when they finally do, Frisk hastily looks away when they realize what she’s asking.

“You know… it’s funny. For this entire past week I had been trying my hardest to get back to what I thought was my home.” They say evenly after a minute. “But after everything that’s happened, I’m not entirely sure where that is. Is it back in the Ruins? On the surface with other humans? I don’t know anymore.”

“Frisk. It is not my place to tell you where you belong. That is for you to decide,” Toriel says. “But no matter who or what you chose to be, you will always have a place to call home with me. With all the monsters, if you would like that.”

Unsure how to answer, they scan the horizon and stare at the setting sun in silence for several heartbeats, uncertainties still plaguing their heart like a stubborn stain. They could say 'no'. They could let them all go right then and there; a fitting penitence for what they put everyone through. The choice was theirs. But... even if they still think they didn't deserve them, deep down... did they truely want to say goodbye?

Down in a small valley below, they spy monsters roaming about, taking in this new world with dreamy wonder. A small group turn around, as if sensing they were being watched, and look up at the pair. They wave eagarly, and even from this distance, Frisk can tell it's their closest friends calling to them down below. Sans, Papyrus, Undyne, Alphys, all waiting for them to catch up.

'They'll always come back for you,' Chara's words remind them. 'Even if you try to leave them behind.' Frisk sighs affectionately, knowing that was undeniably true. That's just how monsters were, weren't they? Papyrus had come for them, Sans had come for them, so had Undyne and Alphys... And Toriel... Everyone. Suddenly their answer was crystal clear. Was there ever any point in debating it when they already know their friends would never let them go?

Frisk gazes up at Toriel one last time to make sure, and finds only unconditional love in her eyes. Like magic, all those preconceived doubts Frisk still had about who they were and their place in this new world begin to melt away. Beaming, they embrace her in a hug.

Belonging. Such a simple concept that had proven so difficult for them to find these past six days. But they knew now they didn't belong back in the Ruins, or in some long-forgotten house on the surface. They belonged wherever their friends were; a place amongst all of those who didn't care what they were, who loved them for them and not what they had accomplished, who were just happy to have them in their lives. A place where they were wanted and needed with their extended monster family.

“I guess that settles it then?” Toriel chuckles.

“Yeah,” Frisk nods, never feeling more sure in their life, finally knowing where they fit in. “Let’s go home, Mom. Everyone’s waiting for us!”

[calligraphist-artemisia]

Across Time and Space (Chapter 9)

Summary: Sequel to I’ll Take Her Place.  Slav is showing off a piece of experimental equipment, when it malfunctions and blasts Katie and Keithir to another universe. At the same time, it drags Pidge and Keith over into theirs, effectively swapping places. With their fate resting in the hands of Slav, will they be able to get back home? Or are they stuck to live the rest of their lives in the wrong universe?

Also posted on AO3 and fanfiction.net under the username “kishirokitsune”.

I’m going to switch up my update schedule to every other weekend for a little while, so the next update should be sometime along the 21-23.

(Also, are line breaks no longer a thing on tumblr??? Guess I’m doing this the old way.)

-----------------

Chapter 9

OLKARION – CASTLE OF LIONS

Krolia hadn't known what to expect when Keith mentioned a castle, but the building settled in with the Olkarion cityscape still took her by surprise. It was unlike anything she'd seen before, with sleek high spires and lit with light blue. It looked out-of-place, like someone had picked it up from someplace else and deposited it within the city.

She glanced at her son, who looked tense as he carefully guided them towards the castle. Below them, the Olkari stopped to point and stare in fear, but they must have been warned about the Galra craft beforehand, because no one tried to strike them down from the sky.

They flew down to the castle and easily glided into the hangar, parking off to one side. A small group of people were waiting for them when they disembarked, and Krolia was relieved to see Kolivan among them.

Keith walked towards them, but rather than go report to their leader, he headed straight for a young human woman with brown hair. He pulled her into his arms and Krolia watched as his shoulders relaxed, his tension draining away.

“Welcome back, Krolia.”

Her gaze snapped to Kolivan and she inclined her head. She tried her best to pay attention to him, but something kept drawing her back to her son.

There was something... off. She couldn't say for sure what it was, but she could feel it.

“I am glad you came,” Kolivan said. “I worried that not even Keithir would be enough.”

“It almost wasn't. Kolivan, why am I here?” she asked.

“We have a situation here which requires my attention, and I have had difficulties managing both that and my duties as leader. I should have called you in months ago, but felt your position under Ranveig too important. Now, however, things have changed,” Kolivan told her.

Krolia frowned. “What of Antok? Surely he'd be a better...”

Kolivan glanced away.

Oh.

Krolia's stomach churned at the revelation. “Kolivan, I'm sorry. Of course I'll help you, in whatever way you need, but what's so important that you feel you need to divide your attention?”

“Currently, this castle is playing host to two visitors from another reality. We have been working to return them and bring back the two who were sent to their reality. It is a complicated matter, but one of great importance to our cause. Of the missing pair, one is a paladin of Voltron, and the other is a member of the Blade of Marmora.”

Krolia looked around, wondering who it was that came from another world. Her eyes fell on Keith once more.

Keith, who kept casting her guilty looks and then immediately averting his gaze.

Keith, who she was starting to realize looked older than he should.

Keith, who had point-blank refused to travel through the Quantum Abyss, no matter how important it was to her mission.

Krolia swallowed. “You called him 'Keithir'.”

“That is how he introduced himself after the swap happened,” Kolivan said.

He wasn't her Keith.

There was a sting of mild betrayal there. Why hadn't he told her the truth from the start. (Because she never would have believed him.) Didn't he trust her? (He was afraid of how she would react.) Why hadn't he corrected her when she called him “Keith”? (She would have had so many questions from such a simple correction.)

Keithir glanced her way again and she straightened her spine, making a split-second decision on what to do. He watched her approach with no small amount of trepidation, and flinched when she reached for him.

Krolia abruptly pulled him into a hug, giving him no room to pull away. He stiffened up until he realized what was happening and then wrapped his arms around her, hugging her back tightly.

What universe he came from didn't matter, he was still her son.

Keithir pulled away after a few long ticks and turned slightly to his left, gesturing his friend forward. “Mom, this is my wife, Katie.”

There was so much to take in – other realities, a wife, the purple color starting to bloom across his cheeks – but Krolia let it all slide over her. She'd stop and ask questions later, but right then she was going to enjoy getting to know her family.

“So is your face supposed to do th- OW!”

Krolia listened, bemused, as the two younger humans began to quietly bicker, while everyone else sighed and did their best to ignore them. It was easy, as Keithir shifted form completely, the purple spreading across his face in the form of short fur. He grimaced as his ears elongated and transitioned to the top of his head, sprouting longer fur than on the rest of his body.

When his transformation was finished, there was only one thing Krolia could think of to say: “You look like your grandfather.”

“Really?” he asked, sounding surprisingly pleased.

There was something else she was missing. Something she didn't really want to think about, but her mind drifted in that direction against her will. He knew nothing about their family history and there were only a few reasons for that to happen.

Even in another reality, she had missed out on being with her son. She would never be able to change that, but she could start trying to make up for it. Whatever he wanted to know, she would tell him, and in the process get to know him and his tiny wife. (And then later, she would get the chance to do it all over again, once they got Keith back.)

-----------------

ALTEA – CASTLE OF LIONS

There was a Galra who Pidge didn't recognize waiting in the hall when she went to leave. She froze in the doorway, taking in the Blade uniform and the lack of mask. He seemed friendly enough, despite his lack of smile, but that didn't stop Pidge's brain from jumping to wild conclusions as to why he was there.

She thought Kolivan was the only one of the Blade who knew they were there. How had he found them? Was he supposed to know? And if he was, why hadn't Kolivan told them? Just who was he?

“Umm...”

“Apologies, I didn't mean to startle you,” he said. “I was hoping... Is Keithir – sorry, is Keith here?”

“Pidge, what's going on?”

She jumped, startled by Keith's voice as he exited the bathroom. He walked over to join her with a frown on his face and stared up at the Galra with confusion.

“You're... Thace?” Keith said, struggling to recall his name.

Pidge could dimly recognize the name. She was pretty sure that was the name of one of Kolivan's spies on Zarkon's command ship; the one who they lost communication with, resulting in Keith volunteering to infiltrate to infect the ship with a virus.

“I am,” Thace confirmed. “I was hoping you'd join me on the training deck this morning. Of course, you're more than welcome to join us, Pidge.”

It was tempting. She didn't want to be out of shape by the time they got back to their reality, and it would be nice to fight alongside Keith again, but the call of her stomach was louder. “I might join you later,” she told him.

Keith was already pulling his Blade uniform out of one of the drawers, preparing to put it on.

They'd decided the anonymity of the uniforms was perfect for the times they needed to travel beyond the paladin wing of the Castle, but Kolivan recommended they only do so in the company of Shiro, Allura, or a trusted member of the Blade, like himself or Regris. (Pidge supposed Thace counted too.) She'd have to find someone to take her once she was done in the kitchen.

Pidge left them there, heading off on her own when she saw how comfortable Keith was with going along with Thace. She wasn't sure if it was the familiar name or if Kolivan had specifically mentioned him as someone trustworthy, but she knew he would be okay. Aside from Shiro, who was basically Superman, Keith was the strongest person she knew. If he ran into any trouble, he'd be able to get himself out of it.

The kitchen looked empty when she arrived, but the smell of peanut butter lingered in the air and the plate of perfect cookies sitting on the counter told her she'd just missed Hunk. At least, she assumed it was Hunk. For all she knew, Lance had taken up baking as a way to impress his husband. (She didn't think she'd ever get over the fact that they were married. It was weird, but natural at the same time. Or at least it wasn't impossible to see how they'd be good together.)

Pidge figured it wouldn't hurt if she had one or two cookies. She went to reach for one, but a tiny, purple hand beat her to it, feeling around on the counter before landing on the plate and then carefully withdrawing back down the other side.

She had a pretty good idea who the cookie thief was.

“Yorak?”

A tick passed, and the hand reappeared with the cookie and placed it back on the plate. Pidge stifled her laughter.

“You know, I don't think Hunk would mind if we share one,” she suggested, picking up the same cookie and splitting it evenly.

Yorak peeked around the corner, his big ears twitching in curiosity. He brightened when she held it out to him and happily walked over to accept it. “Thank you!”

Pidge kept an eye on him as she began to nibble on her half, pleased by the taste of peanut butter on her tongue. He reminded her a lot of Matt: polite, but not without a streak of mischief. She doubted he was supposed to be unsupervised in the kitchen and could only guess that he'd once again sneaked away from whoever was watching him.

As before, she had no idea what to do. At least Yorak wasn't crying and seemed content to quietly munch on his treat, but that would only last so long.

Pidge chided herself for such thoughts. If she could handle facing down the likes of Sendak and his underlings, she could handle a simple conversation with a child. She just needed to calm down and think of a simple subject and go from there.

“Peanut butter cookies are my favorite,” she remarked.

Yorak paused to properly chew and swallow. “Mom likes them too. They're good, but chocolate chip are better, especially the way nana makes them.”

Pidge found herself starting to relax. “It's hard to beat a classic.”

Yorak looked pleased with the acknowledgment, but said nothing else, choosing to watch her with his head tilted to the side instead.

Any other time, Pidge would have appreciated the quiet. Social interaction wasn't her strong suit and it usually worked for the better for her if she let someone else take the lead. (Which was what was so nice about being friends with Hunk and Lance, who could do so as naturally as breathing.) With Yorak, it felt awkward. Like he was waiting for her to take charge.

Time for a new topic.

“Yorak?”

Pidge visibly deflated in relief. She was saved!

Yorak quickly stuffed the rest of his cookie into his mouth as an Altean woman with graying hair and dark robes swept into the room, an exasperated but fond expression on her face. She paused at the sight of Pidge before walking over and scooping Yorak up into her arms.

He squealed in delight and buried his face into the crook of her neck.

“You've had your grandfather very worried about you,” she gently scolded. “I know it isn't fun being cooped up all day, but you must be patient with us for a little while longer. And you will apologize for running off.”

“Yes, grandmother.”

Pidge looked at the woman with renewed interest. If she was Yorak's grandmother, then that made her Keithir's mother. The thought threw Pidge off momentarily before she came to the logical conclusion that she was his step-mother. Perhaps she was the reason for Keithir's status as “Prince” though she wasn't sure how, since Allura and her parents were the ruling family of Altea.

There was a massive chunk to the puzzle of that reality that Pidge hadn't been given, and it was going to drive her crazy if she couldn't find out what was being hidden from them. Would it really hurt to tell them more about the lives of their other selves, especially for Keith? What if there was some clue to getting them home that was hidden in the secrets being kept?

Pidge had plenty of time to do some digging and find out, considering her role in repairing the machine so far was reduced to daily updates from Allura and brief discussions of theories to pass on to Slav and his team. With Yorak's grandmother, she had her first opportunity to find out a few things.

She finished off her cookie and cleared her throat to get the woman's attention. “Uh, hi?”

The Altean turned to face her with a soft smile. “Hello, Pidge. Thank you for watching after him. I hope he wasn't much trouble for you.”

“Oh no, he's great,” Pidge quickly assured her. “I only got her a few minutes ago.” She paused, feeling a rush of uncertainty. The woman probably wanted to get Yorak back to where he was supposed to be. She should let her go.

“Sorry, but who are you?” Pidge blurted out, unable to stay quiet in the end.

The woman didn't look at all offended. “I am Honerva.”

It took Pidge a few seconds to recall where she'd heard the name before. It was only once, when Allura and Coran explained the origins of the Lions and the events leading to the destruction of Altea and Daibazaal.

Honerva was the wife of Zarkon.

Pidge backed up as a very real fear began to build in her gut. She fought to remind herself that they were at peace with the Galra and the there was no reason for Zarkon or anyone associated with him to attack her and Keith.

They were safe.

“Pidge, I am sorry. I should not have... Allura mentioned you have great reason to worry and urged myself and my husband to keep our distance,” Honerva said, keeping her voice gentle and low. “I should have listened, but I will admit that my curiosity got the better of me.”

Pidge swallowed her fear. “You and Zarkon, you're Yorak's grandparents? But Keith's dad – I mean, I've met Keithir's dad, so how...?”

Honerva adjusted her hold on Yorak. “It is a bit of a long story, but I have time if you'd like to hear it.”

“I wanna hear,” Yorak said.

Whether it was the sincerity in Honerva's voice or Yorak's eagerness to hear the story, Pidge sat down to listen to what Honerva had to say. Maybe none of it would matter in the long run, but the more she knew, the better prepared she'd be for any more “surprises” thrown her way.

“Nearly thirty deca-phoebs ago, the Blade of Marmora was investigating a rebel unit who desired to gather the Lions and use them to build an army capable of taking down the combined forces of Daibazaal and Altea...”

-----------------

Pidge's talk with Honerva left her with a great amount to think about. She'd thought it was strange how many similarities their two realities shared, so to finally hear some differences put her at ease, and it also made her think that maybe it was because of those similarities that they were able to pas between them. Those parallels formed a bridge; fixed points that were the same, or very nearly the same, and any differences were there to balance things out. The key to going home had to be there somewhere.

She'd mentioned as much to Honerva, who promised to look into it more, but it was something Slav had brought up a number of times and thus far they hadn't had much luck with it.

Pidge had so many more questions and theories and ideas as she settled cross-legged on her bed to wait for Keith's return.

Like, how were they able to pass through without any protective equipment? Was it because of Slav's machine or was it residual protection from the Lions? Would they still be protected when it was time to go back? What would happen if someone who wasn't alive in the other reality got sent through? Would it even be possible? And if it was possible, would they be able to get them back?

She was sure she'd have the answers if Allura would let her in on the meetings, but the last time she asked, the princess recited security issues that Pidge was finally starting to understand the reasoning behind.

She'd assumed it was to keep people from panicking over two missing paladins, but it was more than that.

Keithir was the crown prince of Daibazaal, and as his wife, Katie was the princess.

Pidge closed her eyes and fell back on the bed with a soft “oof”. Her thoughts bounced around as she took a moment to relax and breathe.

She may not be allowed to sit in on meetings, but that didn't mean she was without options of her own. Slav and his team could handle the machine and any equations and algorithms needed, and she would work on building a bridge.

The Lions were the strongest similarity – the strongest connection they had between the two realities. They hadn't had any luck in getting Green and Red to respond, but maybe they were going at it the wrong way.

She had one more idea to try, and they'd need Shiro's help to do it.

-----------------

OLKARION – CASTLE OF LIONS

Keithir found himself in the Black Lion's hangar early the next morning, staring up at the massive Lion while waiting for Shiro to arrive. He wasn't sure what to expect from her. There was every chance that they'd get the same response as they did from Red and Green – silence.

“Work with me, girl,” he murmured as they doors slid open behind him and Shiro walked in, clad in his armor. Keithir raised an eyebrow.

“Sorry. It's a habit,” Shiro explained with an amused grin. “Ready to try this?”

“Absolutely,” Keithir replied.

As Shiro walked up, the Black Lion lowered her head and opened her mouth, letting them both inside. Shiro let Keithir sit down in the pilot's seat, choosing to stand behind him with a hand on his shoulder. Neither of them spoke as they closed their eyes and cleared their minds, both opening themselves up to the Black Lion.

Keithir's breathing evened out after a few doboshes and a strange, floating sensation washed over him.

And then he felt it.

A pinprick of surprise that wasn't his own. It fueled his determination and he chased after it, following it deeper and deeper into the dark haze until he stumbled through a curtain into an empty plane lit by a colorful nebula.

He glanced at his hands, taking note of the faint glow around them, and nearly fell to his knees in relief. “We did it! Shiro, we did it!” Keithir turned, expecting to see the other man standing with him in the Astral Plane, but there was no one else. “Shiro?” he called out, looking around in confusion.

In the distance, the air distorted and Keithir braced himself for trouble.

A shadowy figured formed and the air smoothed back out as it moved forward. The closer it got, the more Keithir could make out distinct features, until he could say with absolute certainty that it was Shiro standing in front of him.

Except something was wrong.

Shiro stared at him, his brows furrowed in confusion. “Keith, is that you?”

[auroraphilealis]

Too Tense to Be Undone (1/5)

Too Tense to Be Undone (1/4) | Dan’s never had an orgasm before. Despite being in a relationship with his ex-girlfriend for three years, he’s just never been able to finish. The doctor’s don’t know what’s wrong with him, so Dan’s mostly put it out of his mind. Until his gap year, when he starts talking with AmazingPhil, and accidentally admits that he’s never come before. Phil’s happy to help with more than just convincing Dan to post YouTube videos, if Dan will just give him the chance. | Phan | Explicit | Slight Friends with Benefits, Pining, Eventual Smut, Very Explicit Smut, Dirty Talk, Flirting, Getting Together, 2009, Skype | 4,569 Words This Chapter

Intense thank you to @imnotinclinedtomaturity who has spent the last week editing fics for me because apparently I’m on a roll. Also for spurring me on when I got this idea out of nowhere (I’ll be honest, I saw this really cute porn video on my dash and I couldn’t help myself. It was supposed to be PWP I don’t know what happened). Also thank you to my followers on tumblr who kept encouraging me to go on while I screamed at them that the word length just kept growing.

I’ll be posting every other day, so expect to hear back from me with chapter 2 on Monday :) I’m still writing chapter 4 so uh, extra encouragement would be… appreciated.

Title from David Bowie’s song “Get Real”.

(ao3 link)

**

Dan wasn’t easy to please.

In fact, he was pretty sure that there was something wrong with him, because despite his young age when he and his girlfriend had first started hooking up, he’d never been able to come. Orgasms just didn’t happen for him. And soon after he’d get his girlfriend off, she’d moan about how it hurt for him to still be inside of her, and stare at his wet dick and frown at the very idea of sucking him off after he’d been inside of her.

It had sucked, to put it lightly.

Getting off seemed so distant, so unattainable, that Dan never managed. Everything, everything, fell short. His hand, his girlfriend’s mouth, the wet heat of her body… it all felt wonderful. But it was never enough. He was always left high and dry, unable to come, and with a sick feeling in his stomach that just ended up making him give up.

Sex was nice, sure, what with the way it made his body feel, but there was never that big ending that Dan had heard so much about. He could work himself up into a frenzy, and even recognized the way his body would start to tense, as if it wanted to finish. But nothing ever happened.

Instead, Dan was always left teetering on a precipice, balls drawn up to his body, tense and waiting, but nothing would happen. There was always a sensation of molten heat in his abdomen that drove him fucking crazy, but no matter how hard he chased his own high, or how fast he fucked his girlfriend, he never came.

So he gave it up for a lost cause, and mostly turned to sex for that flicker of pleasure, or the chance to be intimate with his girlfriend.

But then they broke up and Dan was left with… well, his hand. For a while, he tried. He tried it fast, he tried it slow, he tried fondling his balls while he stroked his cock, but it never finished

And there really was no starting point if it wouldn’t end.

So he stopped altogether. Sometimes, he’d wake up with a hard-on, and he’d rub it into the soft cotton of his duvet, but he never went further than the hazy sensation of drugged pleasure that came with it. Then, he usually took a shower and waited for his throbbing dick to calm down enough that it stopped pumping all of Dan’s blood supply down. It was never worth trying anything else.

So Dan was hard to please.

He was eighteen years old and had never experienced an orgasm, and he was fairly convinced he never would. He didn’t have erectile dysfunction; the doctors couldn’t figure out what was blocking his… release, and he was perfectly comfortable in the understanding that he was very much, bisexual thank you very much. So it wasn’t the fault of his ex-girlfriend that Dan hadn’t been able to come with her.

It was just. Well. Dan.

Unfortunately for him.

“It could just be a disorder,” the doctors had suggested after he turned 18 and they determined he’d matured enough that he, well, should have been able to finish. They’d thrown around a few names that Dan couldn’t remember if he tried, referring to situations where people couldn’t stop having orgasms, or were triggered by the simplest of things, in order to make Dan feel better about his problem, but. Well. At least those people could. He would take those problems over his any day. Dan was angry at first, but then he.

Sort of accepted it.

There was nothing else to do for it except keep trying, but Dan wasn’t willing to put himself through the agony of getting so, so close but not quite reaching that high, so he hoped maybe a partner in the future could help. Assuming he could find someone willing to put up with it, at least. He was certain he wouldn’t mind continuing to just get his partner off, but he’d kind of like some kind of reciprocation. An attempt, at least. Maybe.

If he was lucky enough.

Dan was on his gap year, though, and he wasn’t particularly eager to date any of the guys or girls from his hometown. Dating apps were gross and mostly searched for singles nearby anyway, not to mention the creepy married people looking for a discreet partner, so those were out too.

Dan tried not to think too much about his failed sex life, these days. Sometimes it just felt like a waste of time, when for all Dan knew, he was never reaching orgasm anyway. So he did his best to distract himself with other things, like watching youtube videos and working at the law firm his dad had gotten him a paid internship at.

It kind of sucked.

And was yet another reason Dan sometimes just didn’t bother thinking about sex. He had far more to worry about in his life than whether or not he was going to fucking orgasm ever. He had a future to think about - regardless of whether he wanted to or not.

The main thing was, Dan really, really, really didn’t want to be a lawyer, but he didn’t see any way out of it with his dad looming over him the way he did. One throwaway comment about going to school to be a lawyer, and now Dan seemed stuck in the decision.

God, sometimes he hated his dad.

There was one good thing in his life, though. .

AmazingPhil, Phil Lester of the youtube kingdom, was kind of sort of Dan’s friend.

Well, more than kind of sort of.

They had each other’s phone numbers and their personal skype usernames, and Phil treated Dan like a he was actually his friend, and not just another fan. They spent hours talking to each other, joking and teasing over twitter and dailybooth, and dropping hints to the rest of the world that they maybe, sort of were into each other.

Which was, unfortunately, not true.

On Dan’s end at least.

He didn’t know about Phil’s end. They didn’t talk about it. They just flirted, and joked, and messed around. But mostly, they were just friends. Good friends. Best friends, even, if Dan had a say. Phil was the kind of person Dan could see himself knowing for the rest of his life, and the four year age gap didn’t even phase him.

In fact, it kind of excited him. Not that that was a particularly useful emotion in Dan’s life. It wasn’t as if he could actually do anything with the erections that he could get from just looking at Phil’s face sometimes, let alone the dreams he had. And yet they happened anyway. It was sort of embarrassing, but he supposed it would have been even more so if Dan had actually wanked off to the guy.

No. Instead, he didn’t wank off at all. He wasn’t really sure what was more embarrassing in the end.

Anyway, Dan more than kind of wanted to get into Phil’s pants, but they’d never even met in real life, so he didn’t think that was exactly the most plausible possibility in the world. Besides, like he’d said, he really didn’t have any idea of Phil’s true feelings. The guy was a fucking enigma, insanely good at hiding his feelings, and yet managed to be true to himself all at the same time.

In fact, when Dan spoke with Phil, he often found himself forgetting that he was talking to AmazingPhil, because despite being a similar guy, the Phil Lester that Dan spoke to was far more toned down and amazing than the persona he put on the for the camera (not that camera Phil wasn’t amazing too, just, in a different way. An impossible way).

Phil Lester was just kind of… Quirky. Crazy. Funny. Smart. And sexy. Sexy as all fucking hell.

Basically, he was the perfect package, and if Dan lived any closer, he probably would have jumped him the first time he’d seen him (okay, maybe like, the second, but the point remained). Being his friend was good too. Dan enjoyed that. He enjoyed having someone listen to him wallow while being happy to talk to him about his passions, including youtube and Dan’s very persistent desire to become a youtuber himself.

It was just nice. It was nice to have a friend like this. It was nice to know someone who was happy to help him, and didn’t make Dan feel like he was being a burden. And it was nice to have someone to combat the negative voice of Dan’s dad in his head.

It would be even nicer to put Phil’s focus to another task, but…

Dan shook his head. He couldn’t keep thinking about things like that. It got him… physically interested, and then it usually took like a good fifteen minutes (or longer, depending just how interested he got) to make his boner calm down. Besides, he was on a skype call with Phil, and he’d much rather focus on the sound of his best friend’s voice than on the pressing feeling between his legs.

“So I’ve been thinking,” Phil said, “You know, about you posting youtube videos?”

Dan mumbled something that sounded vaguely like an affirmative, because for all of his bravado, he really wasn’t all that confident. In fact, Dan could be pretty insecure at times, and when it came to youtube, he was… well, at his lowest point.

Or, he had been.

Phil had definitely helped him work out of that hole, at least a little bit. Dan had filmed a couple videos already, and he had footage that Phil thought was hilarious, but, well, he hadn’t exactly edited it together or bothered making an introduction video.

“Don’t get too excited, Dan, we’re only talking about you becoming internet famous over here,” Phil teased.

“Shut up!” Dan snorted. He gave Phil his best unamused look, but he couldn’t help bursting into a fond smile at the way Phil looked back at him. It wasn’t all about Phil’s sex appeal, okay, Dan had a massive crush on the guy too. He was sweet, and he had this way of looking at Dan that made Dan feel like he was on top of the fucking world. “What have you been thinking, then?” Dan asked, because it didn’t seem like Phil was going to continue unless Dan actively chose to take part in this conversation.

“Oh, you know,” Phil hummed, “I was thinking maybe you could film an intro this weekend? Maybe that’ll encourage you to actually start editing your other videos, so you can get them up.”

The words made Dan shrink back a little. Youtube was like, a thing he really wanted and he talked about it with Phil because he knew that Phil would take him more seriously than his parents or his other friends, but, well. Actually posting a video and just talking about it were two very different things.

Filming an introduction to his channel meant this whole thing was real, and once Dan had put his face out there, he was terrified to give it up as a failure. He didn’t need everyone he knew telling him they were right.

“Yeah,” Dan said, noncommittedly.

Phil instantly frowned.

“I really don’t understand what you’re so afraid of. You’re really attractive and funny. That’s like, the perfect package for youtube,” Phil explained. “Besides, you’ve shown me your skits! They’re really good, and you look fucking edible in them, if you know what I mean,” Phil added with a wink.

The expression was a little awkward. Phil had trouble blinking one eye and not two, but it still sent a chill up Dan’s spine - and a surge of blood down to his groin. Never let it be said that he did not have the body of an 18 year old, because he sure as hell did. He got hard just as easy and just as often as anyone else he knew, he just… couldn’t do anything about it, that’s all.

The idea of Phil finding him edible was mouth watering, though.

Dan’s cheeks coloured red.

“Stop,” he moaned, “you’re flattering me!” With a dramatic hand to his head, Dan pretended to fall backwards in a swoon, which successfully broke the tension between him and Phil. They laughed and the world felt normal again - except for Dan’s dick, because that sure as hell hadn’t gotten the memo to calm the fuck down.

“No, but seriously, Dan,” Phil said again, “What’s up with you? I really think you should do it. If I was able to get popular on this platform, I don’t see why you can’t.”

“Yeah, but you’re like. Phil. You’re this super tall, sexy guy with dreamy blue eyes and a good sense of humor. Have you seen yourself in the toxic video? You can’t tell me you weren’t trying to be provocative. How many girls wanted to fuck you after that, hmm? I could never be as good as you.”

Dan didn’t intend to go down the self-deprecating route, but it was kind of his signature thing to do.

Thankfully, Phil wasn’t one to put up with it.

“I might have gotten a few offers. The only ones I took even half seriously were the guys, though,” Phil said, offering Dan another awkward double wink. “But no, really, Dan. Have you looked in a mirror? If you think I’m sexy, I don’t know what to say to you. The amount of followers you have on dailybooth from your nakedbooths alone could far outshine mine if you let it build up long enough.”

The words sent another little zing through Dan. If he was being honest, he knew he was attractive. He’d been a ladies man in secondary school, and even though his last relationship had survived the last three years of school, he’d still known he was well attractive. It was just… Phil was so many leagues ahead of Dan already that it didn’t feel comparable.

Rather than letting Phil dominate the conversation any longer, Dan smirked at his friend.

“Been having a look at my nakedbooths, hmm?”

“You know I have been. How I am I supposed to resist?”

And here came the part of the night that Dan always particularly enjoyed: the cocky flirting. The cocky flirting that Dan was never sure whether it was real or not. Phil always got this intense expression on his face, like he knew he could get anyone that he wanted. He was so confident that it put Dan to shame, and Dan had always thought he was a pretty confident guy. Phil, though - Phil was not afraid to show himself off, and to make it very clear what he wanted.

Phil was no virgin, that much Dan knew. In fact, Phil had admitted that at one point in his life, he’d been a little bit of a slut. He’d learned a lot during his masters program. And it wasn’t all academic.

“How many times have you jacked off to my pictures?” Dan teased.

Phil didn’t back down, not even for a second.

“Too many times to count. My favorite is how innocent you look with all those stuffed animals posed around your body. Don’t leave much to the imagination, do you?”

Dan laughed, his voice husky, and his cock suddenly very interested in the topic of their conversation.

Dan was mostly just glad he’d managed to divert Phil’s attention away from Dan posting his first video.

“I like to let people know what they’d be waking up next too.”

Phil’s eyes, impossibly, grew darker.

“Oh yeah? Is that why you hide the part we all want to see the most? To make sure we take you to bed?”

“Maybe,” Dan teased.

“God, I bet you look beautiful when you’re worked up,” Phil whispered. His voice had gone all deep, and it made Dan’s mouth feel insanely dry.

Was it getting hot in here? Maybe. Dan should open a window. He didn’t want to move from his bed.

“Wouldn’t you like to know.”

“I would,” Phil returned, eyes glittering. His mouth tilted up into his trademark smirk that always made Dan wonder if he was just another game to Phil. “I’d love to get you under me, see how you fall apart. I bet you look amazing when you come.”

The words made Dan’s eyes close, made him feel wistful, lusting for something he knew he couldn’t achieve. It caused his hands to twitch at his sides, itching to relieve some of the tension of his cock. His laptop was thankfully perched on top of his crotch, so Phil could have no idea what kind of effect he was having on Dan, but Dan wanted nothing more than to move it so he could get a hand on his dick.

Not that it would do anything. But still. Phil’s words made him feel so fucking good…

To be taken care of, by anyone, for however long they were willing. God, that was the dream.

“Do you, Dan?” Phil asked, pulling Dan from his thoughts.

His eyes popped open, and he stared quizzically at Phil.

“Do I what?”

“Look hot as fuck when you come.”

The question knocked the breath out of Dan, because he didn’t know. But the way the words curled off of Phil’s tongue made him desperate for the answer. He wanted to fall apart under Phil’s talented hands, and finally know what he was like when he finished. He’d never fucked another man, but he’d love to, he’d love to find out how different it was than being with a girl, and to see if he liked having a cock in his ass. He had a feeling he would.

What would it be like to get fucked? Dan was just horny enough to want to know.

His cheeks went dark red as he contemplated how to answer the question.

Finally, he went with the truth.

“I don’t know.”

Phil seemed to misunderstand what Dan meant, though. His smirk only seemed to grow, and he looked at Dan like he wanted to eat him.

“How would you like to find out?”

Dan had to bite his tongue to prevent himself from making a noise, but he let his hips roll a little, adjusting to the new pressure in his pajama pants. This wasn’t territory Dan was exactly… comfortable with.

It felt like lying, to go along with this, and pretend his issue with never finishing didn’t exist. But he wanted to. God, did he want to.

“Uhm, I don’t know,” Dan whispered.

“I could show you, if you wanted. Get you off over skype, talk you off the edge, and record it all for you,” Phil continued, voice low and rough. The words washed over Dan, and it all sounded so good, except -

Except -

“I’ve never had an orgasm,” Dan blurted out. His face, already impossibly red, seemed to grow redder.

On the other side of Dan’s screen, Phil’s eyes had gone wide. In fact, Phil’s entire posture had changed. He’d gone from complete and utter confidence to outright confusion, shifting backwards so he wasn’t quite so close to his own camera, and staring at Dan as if he’d grown two heads.

“You’ve never had an orgasm?”

Dan laughed nervously. “No, I haven’t.”

Phil didn’t seem to know what else to say. He was so taken aback that Dan thought he might actually be uncomfortable with the whole situation. Dan’s own mind was whirling. He couldn’t believe that he’d even said that to Phil, let alone that Phil had offered to get him off over skype before he’d said it. They’d flirted hardcore before, and Dan had joked about his nakedbooths plenty of times, but they’d never stepped into this realm before.

Phil asked Dan provocative questions, but Dan always brushed them off.

Until today.

Eventually, Phil managed to pull himself back together. His eyes softened, and his shoulders relaxed as he offered Dan a sympathetic look.

Dan didn’t want pity. He found himself shrinking back.

“I thought you had a girlfriend for three years? Are you not… I mean. Are you still a virgin?” Phil asked, words completely matter of fact. “I’m really sorry if I made you uncomfortable Dan. I didn’t even think, I just assumed that -”

“I’m not a virgin,” Dan muttered, cutting Phil off before he could bury them both into an even deeper hole. “I’ve had sex before. Plenty. With my ex-girlfriend. I’ve just... never had an orgasm,” he admitted.

Phil didn’t seem to know what to say to that, either. Dan was starting to get used to that. He hadn’t told very many people that he couldn’t orgasm, but they all seemed to react in the exact same way.

Speechlessness.

Dan sighed, and reached up to card a hand through his hair. He pushed his fringe back, and then immediately fumbled to brush it back into place, already self-conscious enough without his hair being a mess.

Finally, Phil spoke again.

“Are you… do you just not… do you have erectile dysfunction or something?”

“Phil!” Dan reprimanded. “I don’t have erectile dysfunction. I’m not 80! What the fuck!?”

“I’m sorry! I just don’t understand! How have you had sex before and not…”

“I don’t know,” Dan finally admitted, defeated. “The doctor’s don’t either. I’m perfectly healthy, there doesn’t seem to be anything wrong with me, and I can get hard as easily as anyone else. I just. Can’t finish,” Dan finished lamely.

It was an embarrassing thing to talk about, especially to someone Dan was kind of, sort of, incredibly interested in. Besides, Dan still didn’t know if Phil was into him or not. They’d gone way past the normal boundaries tonight, but for all Dan knew, Phil just wanted to fuck him. Not be in a relationship with him.

Dan desperately wanted more. He’d never been a one night stand kind of guy. He might be a flirt, sure. But he was possessive as all hell and got jealous easily. Dan didn’t share well. At the end of the day, he was committed, and he always expected his partner to be committed as well.

That was part of why Dan and his ex-girlfriend had broken it off. She’d found someone else, and, well. Dan couldn’t really blame her.

She’d found it upsetting that Dan couldn’t finish with her, despite the fact that she so rarely tried to help him actually do so.

So Dan was a little bitter towards his ex. So what. He was allowed to be. She’d technically cheated on him, after all.

Phil, for his part, seemed a little lost for words. Dan stared at him, terrified of how he was going to react. “Oh,” Phil finally replied. “I mean. Have you tried?”

“What the fuck, Phil?” Dan snapped. “What kind of a question is that!? Of course I’ve tried!” he complained. “I know how to jack off, asshat. I just can’t get anywhere with it.”

Dan was borderline fuming now. Phil was looking at Dan like he was a science experiment, and it was pissing him off. First, his girlfriend had left him because he couldn’t orgasm, and now his best friend was acting like Dan simply hadn’t put in enough effort or something.

“Well,” Phil said, after another moment of peering at Dan. He leaned in slowly to his webcam, and suddenly that same dark, sexy look was back on his face. “Maybe you just haven’t tried hard enough.”

“Fuck you!” Dan snarled, “Who are you to say I haven’t -”

“Dan,” Phil said, effectively cutting him off. Dan’s chest was too tight for this. He could feel himself heaving, and it wasn’t from arousal anymore. It was anger.

Phil didn’t seem to understand just how livid he’d made Dan. He just continued to smirk at Dan with that same look on his face that he’d had when he’d suggested filming Dan pleasuring himself.

“Maybe I phrased that wrong. I think, maybe, you just haven’t had the right attention paid to you. I’m sure you could orgasm, given the right partner,” he purred.

Dan was speechless. He could still feel his body thrumming with furious energy, and he still kind of wanted to tell Phil off for presuming to know Dan’s body better than he knew his own, but. Well. He hadn’t quite been expecting Phil to say that.

Dan licked his lips. “What do you mean?”

“I mean,” Phil said, that same intense look on his face. “That I think I might be able to help you with your little problem.”

Dan’s cheeks were flushed red again. Despite the outrage he could still feel simmering under the surface, his dick was perking back up. That should have annoyed Dan, but Phil looked so sexy that he was used to it by now. He’d just have to will it away later…

“Look, Dan. You’re hot, and I am very much so attracted to you,” Phil explained, “And if you seem to have a bit of trouble finishing, I can promise you that I wouldn’t give up after just one try. In fact, I don’t think I could ever stop pleasuring you, given the chance,” he added, practically purring once again.

His eyes were so dark that Dan was dizzy with it, and his voice a perfect balance between gravelly and in control, so that Phil sounded like the goddamn sex god that he undoubtedly was. Dan couldn’t deny that he was curious

“Phil…” he whispered.

“Dan. I want you. And if you’ll give me the chance, I think I can guarantee you an orgasm. You were talking about coming to meet me, so how about in two weeks. My parents will be away, and you and I… we can work on your little problem together.”

Dan’s mouth was like a fucking desert. Everything Phil was offering sounded so fucking good, but -

But Dan wanted more than just a one night stand.

He was paralyzed with indecision as Phil drew back from his webcam. The smirk didn’t leave Phil’s face, but he did look a little flushed, and possibly a little turned on.

Dan didn’t know how to answer.

“Think about it. And Dan,” Phil added, “I hope you’ll post that intro video soon. I’d hate to have you star in a collab with me only to have no channel to direct your new followers to.”

And with that, Phil winked, waved goodbye to Dan, and hung up their skype call.

That little shit.

Dan was left staring at a white screen with a few links and hasty conversations in his and Phil’s chat, and nothing else.

His heart was racing with a combination of anger and arousal. Dan didn’t know which to focus on. He was too busy fumbling with the offer Phil had just given him.

Phil’s parents were going out of town, and he was inviting Dan to come over. There was no way he could have been joking about fucking Dan if he’d planned it so they’d be home all alone. And on top of that, Phil had mentioned a collab. Fuck. Dan’s head was spinning.

Had all of this really happened?

He didn’t know, but he wanted to find out.

Besides, with a promise like that, how could Dan refuse?

[avcngrs]

I want to share my life story. It would mean the world to me if you read this all the way through. ♥

Dear friends, 

Some people have been asking if I’m returning to tumblr and well... not exactly.

I’m actually considering deleting my tumblr. I’ve definitely moved on and realized that tumblr only worsened my depression and kept me locked up in a world on a laptop. And yes, I made amazing friends on here who helped me through some hard times. However, they’ve all changed usernames and I can’t even find them. The insane amount of hours I’ve spent on this website scares me. I left tumblr about a year ago kind of suddenly and I want everyone to know that I’m okay, maybe even better than okay. It’s been a long, hard road with medical issues and anxiety and although tumblr was an escape for a while, it left me more and more broken.

To those who have been on tumblr for years like I have, with friends and a well-established blog, this website is not where you’ll find happiness. This might sound controversial, but hear me out. Staying locked in your room away from your family and real-life friends is not healthy. Human connection is what we long for, and it can’t be found behind a computer screen.

During Junior High, I found tumblr and bad friends who led me down a path of destruction. Tumblr led me into having a bad swearing problem, which I completely regret and still struggle with. Looking back on this website, I see a waste of time and a dark phase of my life. There is so much more to life then spending hours of your life photoshopping Captain America for a blog.

If you’re depressed or suicidal relying on tumblr, I understand. If you’ve read this far I want you to keep reading, and I want to explain everything to my followers on here. Why I created this blog in 2014, what I struggled with, and I want to give you hope of how far I’ve come in my life. From almost committing suicide, I’m currently someone who has a life-threatening lung disease but has found complete joy and peace after YEARS of depression, anxiety and panic attacks. And the truth is, you can find joy and peace and love too. Please keep reading, and I pray my story of hope will encourage you. I’m terrified to post this on the internet, but if it helps one person, it’s worth it.

This is my story.

In 2014, I was in eighth grade. Like most Junior Highers, I had low self-esteem which leads to depression, suicidal thoughts, and self-harm. This is around the time I created my tumblr. Staying up on tumblr until 3 am, I talked to strangers about my deepest darkest fears. How I felt bullied on my cheer team for not feeling skinny enough or good enough at the stunts. How my mother had become an alcoholic and now I was the adult in the household. My dad worked out of town, and I was stuck dealing with it. Being called a bitch by my mother. Walking out in the morning to see a half drunk wine glass and knowing she got wasted last night, not caring how much it hurt me. To see someone I used to respect turn to a completely different person. I still believe my mother has a bipolar personality issue but she still refuses professional help. Basically, Junior High is when everything changed and an innocent, Jesus-loving 6th grader turned into someone I look back to and see a monster. I’m scared of who I became. I was friends with people who were also lost, suicidal, and obsessed with fictional characters.

When high school started, I thought everything would be better. I’d make new friends, and things would just be perfect; high school is supposed to be the best 4 years of your life, right? Boy, was I wrong.

Yes, I started making new friends but I still had my insecurities. New people had come into my class who were prettier than me, smarter than me, and better artists. My self-esteem weakened even more, and I clung to tumblr as a “happy place.” I reached a 2,000 follower goal, was winning awards, starting my own networks, and I felt “cool” here, as a faceless blogger who could spill my problems to strangers who assured me “everything would be okay.”

Yet something happened my Freshmen year that caused me to lose my faith in humanity even more. The Tuesday after Thanksgiving break, I remember both my parents coming into my room, my mom crying and my dad looking like he was about to. I had just sat down on the floor with my backpack, pulling out my science book for homework. But I stopped in my tracks thinking, “What did I do? What did I do that would make my mom cry? Did they find my tumblr?”

It was much worse. My mom sat on my bed and said, “Molly’s been murdered.”

Molly was my nineteen-year-old cousin who lived in LA (Los Angeles) and had started with weed then graduated to cocaine and meth. My aunt tried everything. Expensive rehab in Missouri multiple times, but nothing worked. She ran away from home and started living on friends’ couches, only caring about the next high. This is someone I grew up with, who I watched choose the wrong path. That path of drugs led to her being shot in the head without motive. She was in a garage of about 12 people, sitting on a couch and chilling and someone she knew pulled out a 9mm and shot her in the head. He proceeded to put her in a trunk of a car and leave her there, the day before Thanksgiving (I believe. I might have the dates wrong. This whole period of my life is a blur). The cops only found her body because someone called in an abandoned car notice. The detectives showed up at my aunts house at 2 am that Tuesday and gave the news.

A week before I had spent Thanksgiving with my aunt and uncle and my uncle had sent a message to Molly on Thanksgiving day on Facebook, saying how much we loved her and wanted her to come home.

She was already dead when he sent the message.

We expected something to happen to her, maybe an OD. But never this. My cousin’s murder broke a piece of my heart that will always stay broken. I’ll never understand why people could murder someone. (The investigation has been finished and they determined it was a homicide.) I could barely make it through a school day after that without crying. I lost what little faith in God I had left. (I go to a Christian school, grew up in the church, and was expected to be the angel child.) But after Molly’s murder, I changed.

My cussing problem got worse, and cutting myself. I have stretch marks on my thighs, so I would cut there so no one would notice the scars. And to this day, no one has.

I struggled with my emotions over the next couple months of Freshmen year, even writing an essay about Molly for one of my English assignments. In her memory, I want to tell you people to never do drugs whether they’re legal or not. Weed is a gateway drug to crystal meth and cocaine, and then getting shot in the head and thrown into the back of a car. It ruins your body and your life. My cousin grew up in a Catholic church but lost her way trying to fit in at high school and finding “friends” who gave her drugs to be “cool”. Drugs are not cool, and lead to destruction and pain and digging a hole that’s really hard to climb out of.

But I started to move on and accept what had happened. I still miss her, and wish I could talk with her one last time.

A few months later, good news came in January. 

A little background info: I was born with heart issues and had my first surgery at 4 days old and open heart surgery at 3. I have huge surgery scars, but other than that you would’ve thought I was a normal kid growing up... except I could never play sports. I love love love love soccer, but my cardiologist never let me play competitively. However, when Freshmen spring soccer sign ups came around I was brave enough to ask, “Can I play?”

After a thorough check-up, he said yes.

I was OVERJOYED. This was something I never believed would happen and I was so excited to buy cleats and shin guards and get on the field and be an awesome defender.

Until my first practice.

I realized I couldn’t run. Not even one lap around the track. To this day, I’ve never run a mile. This amazing girl on my team named Emily (sweetest girl I’ve ever met) came up beside me and tried to help me learn to run. But I couldn’t breathe. I was out of breath almost instantly. I blamed my heart issues but as soccer season went on, I realized it was more than that.

I got a little playing time but I was mainly a bench warmer. I didn’t really mind. I loved the practices and pushing my body, even if I couldn’t do as much as everyone else. Some of the older girls bullied me in a way that they would scream at me whenever I did something wrong. And though I don’t use this word often, there was this one Senior who was a bitch. Even at our good Christian school. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not bad-mouthing my school. It is filled with Jesus-loving people who inspire me every day, but this one chick... she needed some Jesus. A lot of the time after practices I would hold in my emotions then start crying in the car as soon as my mom picked me up. I wanted to prove to everyone I WAS strong and good at sports and it wasn’t my fault I could breathe.

Easter break we ended up going back to the cardiologists to talk about my issues in soccer. And so, he performed an echocardiogram, (which is similar to the sonogram they do for pregnancies, but for your heart) which is normal. But then he came back and did it again and again and again. About the fourth time, my mom and I looked at each other and said, “Something’s wrong.”

That day I was diagnosed with pulmonary arterial hypertension.

My life will never be the same.

In short, pulmonary arterial hypertension (PaH) is a lung disease with high pressure in the arteries around your heart. Normally when you exercise your arteries expand to let the blood flow easier from the heart and lungs. Mine don’t expand and the pressures grow on the right side of the heart which could lead to heart failure. It feels like asthma but it was way more serious. I was just fifteen, and being told I was going to die before 30.

My emotional state was shattered. I went to specialists in San Francisco and they started medication that made me feel like sh*t. I got headaches so bad I couldn’t move, and I was nauseous for hours at night but was never able to throw up. There were a lot of nights I slept on the bathroom floor. And I usually kept my issues to myself, bottling my emotions about my disease. Did I mention I started said medications a week before my first high school finals? Somehow I persevered and got all A’s on my finals. But through all this, I got angrier at God. I relied on friends, tumblr and fanfiction and TV shows for happiness. And they failed me.

I got more and more depressed, thinking and wondering how could anyone love a faliure like me? A loser who couldn’t even breathe right. I had always been a good student but with the medications Sophomore year was a nightmare. Everything was being taken away from me: my health, my body, my mind. And I couldn’t help crying out, “God, why me?”

Right before Sophomore year, I was faced with starting a new medication. One form of it was administered in a pump similar to a diabetic pump, except you keep it on 24/7. Showering would be a pain, and I couldn’t go swimming. I refused to try it. I didn’t care how bad my disease was. I was terrified of having something attached to me.

The second option was these trial pills. I would take them three times a day, 7, 3, and 10:30. So, in August 2016, I started these meds. 

The side effects were horrible and torturous.

I was constantly nauseous and flushed, and could barely make it through a school day. I don’t even remember much of Sophomore year. I think my brain blocks it out. My anxiety got worse and worse and I begged my parents for a dog, a friend to help with the stress. 

Like I said, I don’t remember much of Sophomore year, except for some happy parts like going to country concerts and being a cheer captain. I had an amazing “squad” of friends who stuck by me no matter what and still surprise me with Starbucks on my doorstep on bad days. 

Six months passed, and we headed back to the San Francisco specialists to find out if my medications were working and if all the pain and misery and torture of the last couple months was worth it.

I had a heart cath, (which is where they put a camera through an artery in your thigh and send it to the heart to read the pressures in your lungs), and awaited the news.

Things had gotten worse.

The medication wasn’t working.

For a third time in a year, I was shattered. Would things ever get better for me? To top it off, this meant I needed to start the pump medication.

I remember asking my dad to take a friend and I to go swimming at a nearby lake. My friend actually has no idea, but that was the last time I’ve gone swimming or worn a bikini up to this day.

July 2017 I said goodbye to the life I’d known, and was admitted to the hospital for a week to be transferred to the pump. When they place the site (where the medicine is administered through a little tiny needle thing) it’s extremely painful. With my pump, you don’t change the site every 3 days like a diabetic pump. You change it when the site goes bad and you put a new one in, which gets super painful and swollen before it gets better. When I say painful, I mean I almost needed morphine once.

People always say “It’s God’s plan,” and “things will get better.” I wanted to punch those people in the face. Because I had been waiting for things to get better for a long time, and things always got worse.

Plus, for the shower I need to take them quick and cover up my site with plastic, gauze and waterproof tape. I can’t go swimming or take a bath. During the day, I usually hide my pump in my bra or jean pocket.

Even so, before Junior year I had full on panic attacks about people knowing about my pump. I found ways to completely hide it but I was still so terrified of people finding out and judging me. I don’t know what they would do, but I was so scared of being different. Not fitting in. I had to be careful about what I wore, to make sure I could hide it completely. And only a few select people knew what was really going on. Even so, I think only one person really knew about how bad my depression was getting.

Some fun things did happen last August though. My dream of going to London was granted by Make-A-Wish! As an avid Sherlock and Harry Potter fan, I was ecstatic. I spent 10 days in the most beautiful city I’ve ever seen with my mom, dad, and my aunt. I think I took over 3,000 photos on the trip. It was one of the most amazing experiences I’ve ever been blessed to have. A limo came and picked me up at my house and we arrived at the airport to fly “across the pond” and into a dream. Make-A-Wish is such an incredible organization because they do dream trips and wishes, and while I was in London, I didn’t feel “sick.” I actually felt fantastic, walking 20,000 steps a day, way ahead of my parents. I went on Sherlock and Harry Potter tours, and I might make a separate post about this trip if people ask. But basically, it was seriously a dream come true.

When I got home, I actually ended up adopting a border collie named Blaze, who has become my best friend. I’m still training him to be my service dog and an emotional support animal for others. He is an absolute sweetheart. He’s helped my anxiety by an enormous amount. 

Regardless, I still had my fears of starting Junior Year.

The dreaded day came and I started going back to school. It was better than I thought, and I was ahead in my classes. I was brave enough to take two APs and an Honors class. I was taking my math online, and everything was going surprisingly well. No one knew about the pump.

Then I had my first site change. 

I missed a week of school and got terribly behind. A week doesn’t seem like much, but it really took a toll. I got really discouraged, as my depression was still suffocating me. I didn’t do things with friends and stayed holed up. Walking my dog in the fall mornings was my favorite thing. Blaze is still one of the centers of my life and is my little sunshine.

But I started failing AP tests, and I wanted to drop the hard classes. Suicidal thoughts crept into my mind, ripping what little happiness I had away. I was scared. Not of suicide itself, but of the fact I was so close to doing it. I was scared of myself. How much I’d lost control of my body and mind. But I was scared to leave Blaze behind. That was one of the few things that kept me holding on.

One day my AP Chem teacher pulled me aside and asked what’s wrong. I told him I was tired and the usual excuses. He was one of the few teachers who knew what was going on though, medically. He asked if I had prayed about it. I said God and I weren’t really on talking terms.

And it’s true. Through all the trials I’d gone through I started to hate God. I always saw hypocrisy in Christians I knew, and didn’t really know what a real relationship with God looked like, I just knew I didn’t want one.

It was the last week of Septemeber when I really broke. I had to leave early because I was feeling sick, again, and signed out to go home. But I was so done with feeling like sh*t and not being able to make it through a school day. On the drive home I lost it.

I was crying and was a complete mess. The whole drive home the only thing I could think of was driving my car off the road and into a tree and hoping it killed me. 

Somehow, I made it home that day. And the next, and the next. I was just surviving at this point, not living. I was hopeless. I didn’t believe this medication would work because it didn’t last time. I tried to focus on school and redeem my grades, practically the last thing I had control of.

A few of my teachers also kept me from going off the deep end. I had failed two AP US History (APUSH) tests and my teacher pulled me aside and said, “You’re a better student than that.” He erased the tests and gave me a second chance. I started working my ass off in that class, and now I average 95 on his tests. But without that second chance, I would’ve quit and never proved to myself I could do it.

Said Chemistry teacher was also someone who kept me from not committing suicide. He’s a very inspiring person and an absolute science genius who had gone through a life and death experience like I was going through then and now. He ended up finding God through that experience and is still alive today, teaching and preaching to my AP class. He had written a book for his kids when they grew up because he thought he was going to die.  His book talks about God in a C.S. Lewis sort of story. He gave me a copy and told me to read it.

So right after my mental breakdown of driving home and almost attempting suicide, I started reading.

Please know I was scared of death on a day to day basis. When you have a terminal condition, your mind is constantly set on “deep mode”, experiencing the kind of thoughts people usually think of at 3 am, but all the time. Becuase I knew I was going to die, but I thought I was going to hell because there’s no way I deserved heaven. But I started reading this book and well...

For a fantasy book, it talks about death a lot. (Like I said, my teacher/friend wrote this when he thought he was going to die.)

“...it’s our consciousness - our ability to know we are alive - that sets us apart from the rest of creation -- a creation largely blind to its own existence... Unfortunately, however, because we have the ability to think and experience life, we are also capable of anticipating our deaths - an uncomfortable conundrum to say the least.”

This is one example of how the book addresses death, and for a suicidal person, it’s a lot to swallow. But that’s not the part that caught me. 

October 4th 2017, my life was changed.

Now, I know the Bible. I’ve grown up in the same Christian school for 12 years. But I’d never truly learned to put 100% faith and trust in the Creator of the Universe.

But there were a lot of things pointing me in that direction. Nudging me back into the safety of God’s arms. But Chapter 16 of my friend’s book was the final straw.

It reads...

“What I mean is that because we can think, we all know we’re going to die, and this fact in itself robs us of much of the joy and peace we would otherwise have if our fate had been kept from us. ... There is another option, however. ... We can choose to make the most difficult choice anyone can make. ... We can choose to trust the Creator.”

The night I read that, I got on my knees. I opened a very dusty Bible and found Jesus. I remember calling out and crying “I’m sorry” and “I’m sorry” over and over. I was someone who didn’t deserve a second chance after what I’ve done. I can’t magnify in words how far away I was from Christianity and how much I never thought I’d love God again.

But that night, I felt his unwavering, unfailing forgiveness. I asked for peace, and I was given peace for the first time. Complete and utter peace. It’s different than relief. It’s knowing that everything is in God’s hands and nothing I do can change his love. My anxiety and panic have left. I was redeemed through grace and blood poured out on the cross. Jesus had planted the tree that would become the cross. His love was stronger than my broken heart.

GOD TOOK EVERYTHING FROM ME SO HE COULD RESTORE MY SOUL FROM THE INSIDE OUT. I HAD NOTHING LEFT WHEN LOVE CAME DOWN AND RESCUED ME.

Since that day, I’ve woken up on my knees, thanking him for my pulmonary hypertension. God grabbed my stubborn self by the shoulders and shoved me to my knees. And I praise Him for that. I haven’t had suicidal thoughts since, and have barely looked back. My life has been completely turned around.

He’s shown me needs in my community and through His provision they’ve been fulfilled.

Some things that I’ve accomplished since coming back to God:

I was Junior Princess. (Something I never thought I’d win.)

I organized a clothes drive for victims of the Santa Rosa fire in Sonoma County. (They still need prayers!)

I’ve raised money for different needs in my community, with bake sales and BBQs. 

I hiked Diamond Head in Oahu, Hawaii on Christmas Day 2017. Correction: I practically ran up it. Take that, PH.  

I learned how to play the ukelele, and play it whenever I need a smile and want to praise my Savior with worship songs.

I’ve made new friends who encourage me in my walk with God, not take me away from Him.

And in January, I got some amazing news.

You know my pump medication? The one I thought wouldn’t work? I had a heart cath January 27th and they’ve never seen this medication work as well as it is for me. Another miracle I don’t deserve and will always praise God for. And I’m supposed to live way past thirty. And, my doctors think I’ll be able to do sports next year. :)

Basically, I want this story to inspire you to never, never, NEVER give up. What I’ve accomplished is through Jesus, not myself. I would be nothing without Him.

There’s been really hard days, and there will still be some for the rest of my life. But if I can save just one person by sharing my story of going from suicidal to joyful, everything I have suffered through will become worth it.

I’m planning to go to college, with God guiding me. Maybe starting a church or buying a house where I go to open up as a safe, Christian place for those who need it. I want to publish a devotional book before I graduate from high school. And God had blessed me with more years on this earth than I ever thought I would have. I wake up every day on my knees because I never expected another day. I never deserved another day, yet Jesus loves me enough to give me a life full of love and hope. I’ve dedicated my life to Him through complete trust, and every second seems more beautiful. To sprint as fast as I can, feeling like my lungs are on fire and praising God because I should never have been able to run or breathe. To watch the sunset bleed across an endless horizon to the sound of rustling palm trees and waves lapping the shore.

To believe that you’re going to die, then you don’t.

This world is not perfect, but it is the most beautiful place I have ever seen. And somehow, thinking I was going to die made it so much sweeter. I can sit at a stoplight, feel warm sunlight on my face through the windshield and be overwhelmed with inexpressible joy. My whole face breaks out with a smile, and the guy parked next to me probably thinks I’m insane. Some people look at the earth and say, “there's nothing good here, look at all this pain.”

Open your eyes. ♥

If you’ll allow me, I want to end with a verse.

“Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom also we have access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope. Now hope does not disappoint because the love of God had been poured in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.” Romans 5:1-5

I will be keeping my tumblr up for a little while if you want to talk to me. I also really recommend this devotional about finding your way back to God. I love you all, and a special thank you to those on this website who were there for me when no one else was. If you reblog this, it would bless me so much. Thank you.

God bless you all.

Sincerely,

Kris

[mezzonox]

Easter egg hunt with the group that can't English, writing request

Hihi anon! I had fun writing this :p

“Can we please go hunt now?” Abbey asked, looking around for her fellow Easter Egg hunters. So far, they had Maddie, Lili, Robin, Dragon, Pyx, Mars, Four, Laura, and A.A., and Abbey herself. The entire group was sent an invitation by an anonymous sender, asking everyone to meet at the huge town park nearby.

“Not until everyone gets here!” Robin replied, looking down at the list of everyone supposed to be coming.

“We have Sunny, Spark, Blue, June, Janet, and uh… was Fraser coming?” Maddie asked aloud, also reading through her list.

“Hey guys! I’m here! Blue will be here in a second!” Spark suddenly spoke up from a few feet away.

“That marks off Spark and Blue. What about the rest?” Lili looked over to the two walking over.

“Sunny said she was with Fraser for a little bit, but that she may come over when Fraser has to finish up a project. I don’t think June and Janet were coming over.” A.A. looked over to Maddie while replying.

“Alright, well. That’s fine. Anyways, does anyone know who set this up?” Maddie asked, earning small murmurs from the group.

“Maybe it was one of our followers? Maybe like that Aurora anon or someone.” Four said a bit louder than the murmurs.

“Possibly, who knows.”

As the group kept making guesses to who was behind all of this, the speakers around the park went off.

“Alright! Hello The Group That Can’t English! I bet you’re wondering who this is! Maybe I’ll tell you, maybe I won’t. Anyways, today we have an Easter Egg hunt! Laid out around this park are five hundred eggs. Two hundred small eggs with candy inside. One hundred fifty small ones with quarters and dimes. Fifty medium sized ones with more quality candy and or one dollar and five dollar bills. Ninety-nine big eggs with ten dollars and or twenty dollar bills with small prizes. And there’s one huge egg, with a one hundred dollar bill, and a slip of paper giving you a drawing and writing request. The requests will not be shared until you find the paper.” The mysterious person stopped to let that all sink in the competitors’ heads.

After a few moments, the person spoke up again.

“Now! When every small egg is found, a siren will go off. When all the medium eggs are found, a song will go off. When all the large eggs are found, the rubber chicken noise will go off-” This earned a few laughs from the group. “And when the largest egg is found, well- You’ll know.” The anonymous giggled.

“There will be no violence, pushing and shoving will be allowed however. Make any alliances you want. You all have been given a bag at the starting area. I feel as if you will all be pleased with your bags.” You could hear the smile in their voice.

“Please make you way to the starting area.”

The group did as they were told, seeing the bags hanging up with their tumblr usernames protruded above each bag. Small gasps and murmurs of approval spread throughout the group. Most of the bags were everyone’s persona with their favorite color around it. Others were edits or drawings of their favorites YouTubers along with their favorite color. A few spots were open for the group members that wouldn’t be showing up.

“When you hear the bell, run to any area of the park for your eggs. And oh! I completely forgot to mention. There may be a few “attack weapons” as well.” They giggled again as the group quickly became confused.

Not even a second later, the bell went off, making some group members jump as the others ran off.

The youngest of the group, Maddie, had ran to the back area, near the woods where nobody had been so far. Many small eggs littered the ground along a few medium ones. She didn’t stop for every egg however, as she saw more mediums and large ones hiding in the trees and the basketball courts hidden in the back. She had to look back a few times to make sure nobody was following her and silently trying to find the eggs before her.

Suddenly, she was shot with a water gun. It got her back soaked. Maddie quickly spun around to see Dragon standing there grinning. Maddie glared before an idea formed.

“Dragon, we need a temporary alliance. There’s many eggs back here and even though you shot me… you also came back here first. We should clear out the area before-” Maddie was quickly cut off by Four running over with a shield as Blue and Abbey chased her with cans of whipped cream.

“C’mon, let’s go into the woods.” Maddie said a bit more quietly, motioning for Dragon to follow.

They walked a bit more into the woods, passing a few eggs here and there and picking them up.

“Hey Maddie? I’m uh… Sorry for shooting you back there. I really didn’t know it was you. I probably wouldn’t have shot if I knew.” Dragon chuckled.

“It’s fine, I would’ve shot me too. Besides, that’s what the weapons were for, right?” Maddie laughed, looking up in the trees to see a few large eggs.

“I bet those eggs in the trees were meant for Robin, there’s no way we can reach those.” Dragon pointed out.

“Probabl-”

“Did someone say my name?” Robin said with a smile after jumping out from a nearby bush, causing the two girls to jump back.

“Robin?! What are you doing here?” Maddie asked, surprised laced in her voice.

“I was walking around and heard your beautiful voices and decided to see what you were doing!” Robin said cheerfully.

“Well, we were just walking around looking for eggs and pointing out how the ones in the trees were probably meant for you to get.” Dragon added.

“Hm, most likely. I can help get them for you if you’d like.”

“But, if you get them, then you should keep them. Besides, we already have many eggs.” Maddie motioned to her bag.

“Mhm, true, but-”

“No, you can have them, we’ll go venture more into the woods.” Dragon smiled to Robin, causing him to sigh and nod hesitantly.

Maddie and Dragon turned a corner into the woods, just as a siren went off, indicating all the small eggs had been found.

“That was quick.” Dragon said with a small chuckle.

Before Maddie could reply, Spark had appeared in front of them with the last small egg in her hands.

“Hey! Looks like I found the last one of these. Interesting huh?” Spark said casually before running over to a tree for a few more eggs.

“Good job.” Maddie smiled over, earning a smile from Spark who added, “By the way, I wouldn’t go that way anymore, Mars has a stash of water balloons that have already been thrown at me, while it missed, Blue, who was hit in the back, Pyx, who was just trying to get by, and Lili, who somehow caught it and threw it back. It’s now war over there.”

“Well then, thanks for telling us. If you go more into the woods, I bet there’s more eggs in there.” Dragon replied, wanting to help out her friend since she had helped them out.

“Really? Sweet! Thanks.” Spark exclaimed before running off.

“Alright, I would say we should maybe head separate ways? Not that it wasn’t good walking with you, but if we leave the forest, we may find more eggs that we may fight over or something.” Maddie asked.

“Probably, we can’t be allies forever.” Dragon gave a small chuckle, looking ahead to the clearing.

Maddie nodded and stopped when they reached the clearing. “I go left? You right?”

Dragon nodded and walked off, leaving Maddie to scan the area for another place where eggs may be.

“Maddie! Hey! I need some help with something!” A.A. shouted from behind Maddie.

She turned around to see A.A. standing with what she thought to be a water gun.

“Laura’s chasing me, so I need you to tell her I went to the right, pleaseee.”

Maddie chuckled and nodded as A.A. gave a quick “Thank you.” And ran to the left.

A few moments later, Maddie saw Laura running with another water gun.

“Where’s A.A.? We have some business to take care of.”

“Oh, she went to the right, right over there.” She pointed and grinned, doing her best to lie.

“Thanks! I owe ya.” Laura ran off, getting her water gun ready.

Maddie just chuckled as she walked to another part of the park, one not known to many people. She only knew about it because of the frequent visits when she needed time alone.

A random song played, indicating all of the medium eggs had been found. Maddie smiled to herself as she looked down to her bag.

The walk to the secret area was covered by vines, hence why it was unknown. She fought her way through the vines when she saw a few large eggs in them. She grabbed a few and chucked them into her bag. The others? She decided to place around the outside so nobody would find the area.

After she finished that, she walked to the small desk she made a few months back, taking a seat on the small log carved into a chair.

“I wonder how everyone else is doing… Exhausted? Happy? Excited? Probably all three. That’s what I am at least.” She spoke aloud.

She hadn’t noticed when someone else had walked in.

“Maddie?”

She jumped, completely taken by surprise. She turned around to see Sunny standing there, bag filled with nothing.

“S-Sunny?! What are you doing here?” Maddie exclaimed, keeping her voice down so that nobody could find the place out.

“Wellll, I heard someone talking and decided to investigate.”

Maddie silently cursed herself for talking out loud.

“Well, hey. I just wanted to take a break from the hunt, ya know? I’m exhausted.”

“I bet. I’m not going around eggs now, I arrived late.” Sunny chuckled.

“Oh, I put some outside of here, go grab them if you want.” Maddie smiled over.

Sunny nodded and quickly went out and around to pick up the few eggs laying out there. As soon as she picked up the last egg, the noise of the rubber chicken echoed around the park.

Sunny walked back in and chuckled.

“Why the chicken?”

“It’s for when someone picks up the last large egg. A siren was for the smallest, a random song for the medium.” Maddie explained. “That means there’s one last egg. The huge one.”

“Oh. Maybe I should go look for it then?” She questioned.

“If you want, I’ll probably just sit here and look at the eggs I got.” Maddie replied, looking down to her bag full of eggs.

Sunny nodded and stepped out, smiling to herself as she knew something. Where the last egg was. That’s where Sunny was, hiding the last egg in a spot that was hidden. Right where Maddie was. They didn’t know if anyone knew about it, so that’s where the egg was hidden. She wasn’t with Fraser, she was with the person running the whole egg hunt.

The hunt for the big egg was going to come to an end, only if Maddie looked in the non-so-obvious place.

Inside the desk.

@dragonfrost04 @datsatoiletvg @throw-shit-at-other-shit @pyxthetrash @my-names-blue @spark-the-librarian @sunshinefirefox1 @copicmarkersniffers @my-name-is-immortal-insanity @youranonymousartist @kingofmarss @deadmarktehfish (I’m tagging y’all too @just-a-fandom-mess @hellveteen @random-cluster-missile)

[newt-dorkmander]

Burning Up

Not my GIF!! Credit to the maker!! :}

A/N: Hey there! Here’s my first Newt x reader! This can also be read on AO3 by my username Writer_S. I didn’t know I was going to post this on Tumblr, until after the holidays, which was also when I discovered that the Goldstein’s are Jewish! I’m super sorry!

Warnings: Angst and mild burning

Summary:  Tina and Queenie invite you to spend Christmas with them, and you are wary about going due to your Pyrokinesis. You meet a handsome friend of theirs, but make a horrible first impression.

You were rummaging through your kitchen, looking for a certain ingredient for a potion you were working on. You were polishing up your skills, for fun. Whilst having your head shoved in the small cupboard in your kitchen, loud knocks came at you window, causing you to bump your head in surprise. You cursed, rubbing your head, and turned to find the source of the noise. It was Tina’s owl, with a red paper message in its small beak. You opened the window, and the owl stepped forward a bit, to let you take the message from it. You unfolded the red parchment, and read it through.

The message in short, was that Tina and Queenie wanted you to come for Christmas. You ended up thinking for a long while about whether you should, because of your Pyrokinesis. You could control it, but there was sometimes flare ups, from nothing at all or your emotional state. You remember a very extreme case of it, during a crushing break up, and let’s just say that your ex’s place, and you encased in flames, doesn’t mix too well. But that’s all in the past, right? You’re pretty sure you won’t have a flare up like that, when being at the Goldstein’s place. It was practically home to you, especially when you all bunked at their place after school ended, and you all were trying your luck at jobs.

You snicker to yourself, remembering those days. You decided to write back to Tina, to let her know you were coming right away. You gave it back to your owl, Fig, and he flew off swiftly, with your written reply. You went back to your potion, adding in your final ingredients. Once everything was all stirred in, you placed your hand underneath the pot, and lit a blue flame within your hand. Within less than two minutes you pot had boiled nicely, and began to change colour, and spark. Just the way you wanted it to.

--

The next day you woke up, and decided to start packing to leave this afternoon. Whilst packing, you made sure to cast a fire proofing charm to all your clothes, just in case. You had a back-pack bag with extension charm on it, so you were able to fit everything you needed inside. Since the bag was smaller than most, it only held a small room inside. You used it as your work room, since you had a small apartment.  

Once you got everything together, you slung your bag on your back, grabbed your broom and flew out the door as quick as a flash. Though you knew Apparating there would be much quicker, you enjoyed the feeling you got from flying on a broom; And besides, it wouldn’t take you very long to get to Tina and Queenie’s apartment anyway.

You landed on the building’s roof, and leant your broom, on the wall of the roofs stair way entrance.

“Alohomora.” You said, and the door unlocked. You walked down the long flights of stairs, and eventually made it to the right door. You knocked a couple of times, and waited for an answer. You heard footsteps, and then the sound of the handle turning. Tina opened the door.

“(y/n)! You came! And by broom I see?” She said, and you realised your hair was probably quite windswept.

“How’d you guess?” You said jokingly, whilst Tina moved in for a hug. You both embraced, and she then moved aside, letting you in. The place sparkled, and was lit up with lights in every corner. The tree was put up, but no decorations were on it other than lights, and the star.

“Were you waiting for me to come before you started the decorating the tree?” You asked.

“Well of course silly! We just couldn’t start decorating without you, knowing you were coming!” Queenie exclaimed, running over to you, to give you a hug also, whilst starting to get the tree decorations out, with a flick of her wand. She had a beautiful green silk dress on, and you knew she was probably wearing it for someone special. Were other people coming? You weren’t the most confident person when it came to new people, quite anxious in fact. Queenie, noticing your thoughts, answered your question.

“We’ve got more company coming hun, but don’t worry, they’re an easy crowd.” She assured you, making you feel little more relaxed.

“May I use your kitchen?”, You asked Tina, from across the room. “I’m going to make some cocoa for everybody.” She nodded your way, and you realised you didn’t have your wand on you. You then took your bag off your back, and placed it on the ground, opening it up. You jumped in, two feet together. You had placed your wand on the desk inside, because you didn’t need it for the flight there. You looked around your slightly messy work space. It had many magical, shade-loving plants, scattered around, including one potted species of mushroom, that glowed a bright blue, and let off specs of blue light, every so often. You then walked over to your large desk, that was connected to the wall on your left, and grabbed your wand.

You suddenly heard something shatter from upstairs, and you quickly went up to see what all the fuss was about. You heard murmurs from Tina talking with someone else, and something along the lines of: ‘They’ll be up in a moment or two’. You then pushed yourself up with your arms at the sides of your bag, and stepped out. You looked up to see Tina sweeping up a glass decoration, which was probably what you heard shatter. Your eyes then fell upon the two men who were talking off their coats in the entry way. The one taking off his long, peacock blue coat, had watched you emerge from your bag, and seemed quite interested. You heard Queenie giggle in the man’s direction.

Your eyes locked for a moment before both of you, instantly looked away, both rather anxious. Queenie walked over the other man, who had dark hair, and was rather stout. They both hugged, and then leaned in and kissed. So, this was who she dressed up for. Tina stood up from sweeping.

“(Y/n) this is Jacob Kowalski”, The man walked over to you and you shook hands. “And this is-,” She was cut off as the man introduced himself.

“Newt Scamander.” He said, put out his hand. You shook it.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you Mr. Scamander. (Y/n) (L/n).” You said, and smiled looking at him fully. He was quite handsome, you had to say, his green eyes were captivating, and he had messy, but suiting, cinnamon curls. You were pulled from your reverie by a yelp. It was from Newt. You wondered what on Earth had happened, when you looked at his hand. It was red. A redness you knew quite well. It was a burn. You looked down at you own hands. A small amount of fire had encased your hands. You were starting to panic. This wasn’t supposed to happen! You had this under control, right? You kept staring at his red, burned hand, your body shaking, your hands still slightly ablaze.

Avoiding his gaze, you breathed, “I-I’m so s-sorry Mr. Scamander.” You became so over whelmed by everything. “I have to go.” You ran to the door, shoving it open, and ran up the many flights of stairs, not caring if you were out of breath. You reached the roof top, where you ran to the railing, putting your head between your arms. The metal beneath your hands made a slight sizzling sound, since it was so cold. You quickly removed your hands from the rail, and backed away, your hands shaking. Your hands had become even more engulfed in fire, and you were scared.

Petrified.

Of what might happen if you lose control all over again, and hurt someone, like you did less than a minute ago. The flames licked up to your elbows now. You hugged your arms close to you, trying to block it out of your mind. This was supposed to be a good thing? Wasn’t it? A gift? The flames were at the base of your neck, and were slithering up to your face. You then heard quick footfall coming up the stairs, and brought your knees to your chest and lowered your head, tears still pouring down your face, still shaking.

You heard the door open slowly, with a quite audible squeak. The door was then slowly shut, and a soft voice came from the around the corner.

“(Y/n)?” Newts voice was soft, and cautious. His footsteps came from around the corner, and then stopped near you. He crouched down, and you heard him cast a fire protection spell on himself.

“I-it’s alright, I’m here. I’m fine, trust me, I’ve had worse. It wasn’t your fault.” He said soothingly, almost as if he had done this sort of thing a million times before. You lifted your head up from your knees, and looked at him, tears slowing. The fire started to slip down your neck.

“I-I’m s-so s-s-sorry Mr. Scamand-der. I-I can fix the b-burn for y-you! I p-promise!” You choked out, stuttering. He shifted to sit down, facing you on your right.

“I-I’m alright. There’s no need to worry about it. I’d like to ask you some things to take your mind off what’s going on, i-if that’s alright?” You nodded, and he continued. “Have you always been Pyrokinetic?” He asked.

“Y-yes,” You said, your tears stopping.  “I nearly burnt down my family’s first house when we found out about it.” You chuckled slightly at the memory, and sniffed.

“It happened many times, but I soon learned to control it better. It’s usually tied to my emotions when it flares up. Literally flares.” You laughed, and so did he. “Again, I’m very sorry about your hand Mr. Scamander, and for the horrible first impression.” You said, shifting to look at him. Your flames were completely gone now.

“It’s alright, it will heal quickly with a healing spell; And please, call me Newt.” He stuck out his hand, and you looked at him warily.

But you shook his hand, nevertheless.

“Thank you for coming up here, to be with me. I don’t know what would have happened if you didn’t.” You said, avoiding his gaze slightly. “It was nothing. Would you like to go back down?” He said, and you swore he was blushing, but it might be from the cold. Just as the words left his lips, flecks of white began to descend from the darkening sky.

“It’s snowing.” You said, and you both tilted your heads up. You glanced at him through your eyelashes. Flecks of snow had nestled themselves in his curls, and he was smiling a sort of half smile.

“I think I’d like to stay out here a little longer.” You said, and as the air got colder, the two of you seemed to shift closer to each other. As you did, you bumped into your broomstick leaning near you. As it fell you moved to get out of the way, but you ended up slipping and falling very cliché like, into Newts arms.

“I just keeping screwing up today, don’t I?” You said, your face turning a dark shade of red from both the cold, and embarrassment.

“I don’t think so.” He said softly, and seemed to pull you closer to him. His blush was quite evident, and anxiousness was written all over his face. He leaned down, and placed a kiss you your head, holding you a little tighter. You sat up, and he looked ashamed, avoiding what he thought would be your appalled gaze.

“You missed.” You said smiling at him.

“Wha-what?” He stuttered, obviously flustered; And with that you grabbed the sides of his peacock blue coat, and pulled him in for a kiss. He was tense, and shocked at first, but then relaxed into it. The two of you pulled away, flustered.

“I think we should go back now.” He breathed, slightly out of breath.

“Agreed.” You whispered, and the two of you made your way down the long flight of stairs, back to Tina’s and Queenie’s apartment.

Let’s just say that everyone, but Queenie was very worried.

[quonit-aceattorney]

Buying Game 1 - Playing 1 and 2

Put these all together because they were so short... and not even really recorded.

Rules:

Q = Me, Quonit.

BF = Bardic Feline, the friend that made me spend 30 dollars on the game and whom I am messaging

I don’t use those when I send the messages close enough my username doesn’t appear.

Any typos (unless they are funny and part of the conversation) will be fixed.

Index

—

(Backstory: Bardic feline and I have been talking about a fic she told me she was working one (Link here when i get it). Few about a week or so I’ve been motivating her to help her to finish it by the 20th, her deadline.)

3/20/2018

Q: did you get the thing out?

BF: I didn't finish both parts of what I wanted to do, but i did enough to post the fic prologue on AO3

Q: yaaaaay that is something. Good job.

BF: thanks. ^^;;;

LESS THAN I WANTED TO DO IS STILL BETTER THAN NOTHING

Q: yaaay can I have a link?

BF: Aaah hold up.  Also, going to warn you right now, it absolutely spoils the crap out of Farewell My Turnabout, aka 2-4

Q: dammit

I need to get the game how much is it and is it on steam or do i need to get it somewhere else

BF: Like it goes in assuming you already know the big twist

Q: welp I do not know

BF: You can get it on iOS or Android or from the 3DS shop

Q: I still call the people in the game "the objection guys"

BF: Hee hee fair enough

Q: dammit

well I have a 3DS so it can still work why not

BF: But when I say it assumes you know stuff, I mean it like straight up pulls the reveal that happens most of the way through the case

And yay!  That’s the easiest way to get it

Q: dang

I should've played the game yaaaaay :D

BF: You can get the whole original trilogy in one package on the e-shop

Q: Funny thing about the 3DS: I got it from a pawn shop for 60 bucks thinking it was a 2DS because well, it was. It is a 2DS it has that on the back it says everywhere on the thing it is a 2DS. When you open it though, it thinks it's a 3DS. This works out well because a 2DS has more power and the 3DS has more available games

I'll go find it. How long is it will I be able to play to the twist by the end of today?

BF: Unless you just fly through the first game?  It’s the last case of the second game

So...proooobably not

Q: dammit

do I have to pay for all three games??? Can't I just watch somebody else play it on youtube

BF: You can if you like? Or do an emulator?  I’m not gonna tell you how to do it.  Though I will say that that bundle is WAY less than what I paid for all three games used for the DS

They were probably about 15-20 bucks EACH individually

Q: dammit

well it's gonna be a while before I read that fanfic I helped encourage you to do. What out for that review 2-3 years for now.

BF: Hahaha awww

BF: It doesn’t take THAT long to play any of the games. XD

It’s just longer than a single night

Cause it’s like reading a book where you have to solve puzzles to advance

Q: well it better be good if im going to end up spending 60 dollars on it. At least I get to understand yet another one of Zarla's interests so many of her comics are based off of

I don't even wanna read all of those fanfictions why couldn't it just be mostly comic based with like 6 fanfics like with the ladies

BF: It’s not going to be 60 bucks!

happy summer

3 games and they're like 15-20 something about a bundle how much is that

BF: That’s what each was a INDIVIDUALLY

By themselves

On the DS

BF: When you had to but the individual CARTRIDGES

Q: going in the shop to see if I can find it

ohhhh wonder how much they are now im looking in the shop

BF: The BUNDLE is all three games at once for like...16 or 20 bucks TOTAL

For all three games together

Q: :o that's not 60!

BF: That’s what I was trying to say haha

That it’s a BARGAIN

Even when it’s not discounted it’s a bargain

Q: im looking for it bleh i haven't used this thing in a while where is the search bar for a specific game

BF: Search “Ace Attorney”

And aww those eggs sound pretty

Q: where is the problem it just has filters

I remembered the thing about using vinigar instead of water for the color to stick on better and it worked very well

BF: Umm...there should be a search function

Q: there is one but that's just filters for some reason

I'm calling my brother one moment

BF: You may have parental controls on too high or something

Q: nope I got it

it's 30$...

bleh ill get it whatever

BF: Aaaah sorry

Q: it's fine!

BF: I was thinking when it was discounted, forgive meeee

Q: I'll probably like

BF: That’s STILL less than what I paid individually

And it’s a good series!

I really think you’ll like it

Q: yaaaay

BF: It’s so ridiculous and over the top Hahaha

Q: I can't face the shame I'm giving my brother the money so he can buy it

why I'M GETTING THE GAMES THOUGH

YOU INFLUENCED A LIFE DECISION

BF: Hahaha aaaah forgive meeeee

it is fine lol

BF: Ooooh!

Q: dumpster

it was your idea

it's downloading

Q: how many days do I wait before it's approprait to send Jaz another email

Q: I spent 30 dollars because of you

working on comic, very good progress. Got all of the backgrounds done and am doing pretty good on the characters.

Q: ALRIGHT IT FNISHED DOWNLOADING

Just when the game opened I saw what you meant by it being over the top this is great imma play it

Q: 2014???

must be when the bundle was released...?

BF: That sounds about right dang

Was it that long ago when the HD bundle got released

-Case 1-

Q: Back!

Finished chapter 1: I feel smart I very much enjoy this game. Wonderful. Good that I'm apparently better then most people at remembering names :D when will juan die

BF: last case of the second game!

hahah just settle in and enjoy a Juan-less first game

BF: and I really do sincerely enjoy every part of the first game

Q: BACK

I do too it'

Q: It’s hard to believe Juan is even in the game

you made me spend 30 dollars on it and I am thoroughly enjoying it

(Edit: Thoughts i remember having but didn't record.

1st Case:

Hey look the tutorial person! She's a boob joke. of course.

I had no reaction to Winston, mainly it was just "objection guy".)

-Case 2-

Q:

Me: game about laywers. Somehow it was successful. Me later: and magic??? why is there magic why is there a chapter on why does this game exist it's so over-the-top I swear what was it's goal?

Q: the girl is too talkative

I should sleep >:( It's your fualt I can't

Q: why does the girl even call me nick

why does phoenix allow this his name isn't nick

(Edit: I refuse to call him Nick to this day.)

Q: where the hell is the save button i just wanna leeeaaave

Q: I MISS THE TRIALS NOW IT'S JUST TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHERE YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO GO

>:( well I'm almost to a save point in the game

Q: dooone

Maybe I'm just tiered in the morning I won't despise the girl

BF: Hahaha aaah I love Maya, personally

BF: And yeah, there are times in the investigation periods where it’s all godammit where do I go next.  But half the fun for me is going around and poking at stuff just to see what Phoenix and Maya will say about it

BF: I guess Maya gets Nick from PhoeNICx...I dunno I stopped questioning it ages ago

BF: There is a way to save when you are investing though

BF: I’ll tell you where to find it in the morning haha

Q: I figured out it's the start button.

Maybe I could look up where she got the name. She just asked if she could call me 'nick' and phoenix had no objection so I GUESS IM NICK NOW. I really like seeing what characters say about stuff too, but sometimes you just wanna get to it and 'ohmygod just shut up i wanna be able to figure this out i've already heard this before what am I missing'. Also I was tired, but ya they are enjoyable for the most part. HONESTLY with Juan I see him as a Zarla character, him being in the game is just absolutely stellar... it feels like a huuuuge bonus. I know he originally came from here but I learnt about him from the ladyverse and a quick scroll through her ace attorney folder on devart. He seems like her character. Concept: The people making the anime actually did see one or two of Zarla's comics and liked the color she had for his shirt and kept that Me at first: ehhhhh i don't really like him. he should just... go over there. Me later: oooo cross universe? More interesting, still don't like him much. Me now: I WILL PROTECT WITH BOY WITH MY LIFE WHEN I FIND HIM AND HE'S ALREADY DEAD WHOEVER DID THIS YOU WILL PAY WITH YOUR LIFE

(Edit: HOW COULD I HAVE EVER HAVE NOT LOVED HIM HE IS SUCH AN INTERESTING CHARACTER NO MATTER WHAT UNIVERSE HE’S IN)

BF: Hahahaha

Yeah, I kinda consider him to be more Zarla’s character than the game’s because of how much of a blank slate character he really is

BF: I know I’ve made up traits for him practically from whole cloth, or based on the smallest clues I can glean from the game script

Q: niiice

I'm getting through it, thankfully I'm not getting stuck as often as I did.

Q: "guess I better go there later..." YES, ALRIGHT, HOW DO I MAKE TIME MOVE FORWARD THOUGH?

BF: lol a lot of time when they say that, that means 'head on over to that location if it's on the menu"

(Edit: This goes DIRECTLY into my 1-3 reaction. The very next message.)

(Edit: Thoughts i remember having but didn't record.

2nd Case:

Sense the beginning I knew "IT'S THE WHITE GUY". The cutscene had what looked to me somebody with white hair but later i found a guy named Redd White and knew It was him because "HE'S THE WHITE GUY”

"Aw no looks like the tutorial girl is dead. Oh well."

"So she has a sister, okay."

"weird, i haven't seen this before. this is cool. (investigation mode)"

I absolutely hated April May. She was the worst character to me.

"HEY LOOK IT'S THAT OBJECTION BUDDY (Edgeworth) :D" I didn't have much thought on him besides that. He was the other objection guy. I knew him from the little I've seen of Ace Attorney beforehand (mainly one ace attorney tumblr post).

"There's magic in this game. guess her death meant nothing apparently.")