#i had to scan online to keep my head straight

[northerngoshawk]

what the actual frick was cradle parade 💀

[world0fmadness]

LITTLE SNOWFLAKES

sebastian vettel x wife! reader x ( platonic! ) oc daughters

♡ how valerie and valentine vettel / little snowflakes came to be!

୨୧ this can kind of be any era but i think it works best with retired sebastian <3

♡ view my formula 1 masterlist here

reading music recommendations: lisztomania by phoenix - blue romance by black honey

♡ when you guys found out you were having twins… oh boy… that day was a day to be remembered

୨୧ the second the nurse performing the scan said “ oh… hold on a second, looks like you’ll be needing two cribs ” with a soft chuckle, the room went so quiet you could hear a pin drop

♡ but then sebastian spoke…

“ yep… yeah, i guess we will, huh? jesus christ! two babies… that’s… oh, that’s so exciting ” ( it took a couple seconds for it to really click in his head before a huge, goofy smile spread across his face and he started laughing )

୨୧ when you guys get home, he’s straight to his computer, looking up online stores to buy things for twin babies

“ oh! look here liebling, a twin pram! we’ll probably need that, hm? ” ( okay, now it’s really really beginning to click in his head that he’s getting not one but two babies and he couldn’t be more excited )

♡ he goes on quite a shopping spree that afternoon, ordering things like another crib, cute matching twin plushies and WAY more bottles…

୨୧ your babies arrived on valentine’s day!

♡ the birth went fine! except for the fact you had to push out TWO babies…

୨୧ you had a moment filled with nothing but hatred for sebastian for putting two babies inside of you, cussing him out all while he holds your hand

♡ he gave a slightly freaked out look towards one of the nurses who simply told him it was “ totally normal ” and you didn’t mean what you were saying

୨୧ so he doesn’t say anything, just keeps brushing your hair back from your face, cheering you on and praising you for how much progress your making <3

♡ it just felt right to name one of your babies valentine… your greatest gifts made from love arriving on the day of love and the second would be called valerie

୨୧ sebastian is a natural at cradling both of them at the same time almost immediately, you swear just about everything comes naturally to him!

♡ he nicknames them his little snowflakes because whilst from afar snowflakes may look identical, when you really look at them, they’re actually always unique and it’s the same for his babies! his girls may look the same but they’re their own person, they’re both so unique and special in their own different ways <3

୨୧ since they sleep in the same room, when one of them wakes up crying, so does the other…

♡ sebastian is always the first to jump out of bed, telling you to go back to sleep, claiming you need it more than him since you just went through the birth and hey, you’re not going to fight him on that

୨୧ but often times, you do stay awake, waiting for him to come back to bed, more often that not with both of his little snowflakes cuddled in his arms

♡ he slips back into bed next to you, being extra careful with the twins before gesturing for you to cuddle up into his side

“ they’re so perfect, liebling… thank you, thank you for giving me such perfect girls ” ( his voice sounds slightly choked up and before long, you see small tears dripping down his cheeks, you spend the rest of the night cuddled up together, whispering words of love towards your husband and your babies as he falls into a deep sleep )

୨୧ sebastian LOVES teaching his little snowflakes all about animals and bugs, making sure they know how important it is to take care of their planet

♡ because of this, valerie and valentine don’t really want a lot of toys and similar things when they’re children! they’re incredibly aware and smart for their age which is something you both take a huge amount of pride in

୨୧ the only thing his snowflakes really want is those monthly subscription wildlife magazines! y’know the ones that come with a plushie and other little knick knacks like plastic bug containers?

♡ sebastian had already signed them up for it when they were old enough to read a lot and showed an interest in wildlife like he did and they’ve become OBSESSED with receiving them every month <3

୨୧ he has to hold back a huge smile everytime one of the twins asks him when the end of the month is, so happy that his little snowflakes care about the planet as much as he does

♡ the twins LOVE bugs and always try to bring them into the house, yelling for their papa to come and see what they’ve caught this time

୨୧ it can be slightly daunting for you to see them walk through the back door, one of them holding a bug in hand, knowing they’ll probably drop it in the house and it’ll be weeks before you find it…

♡ which is why when sebastian hears them yelling, he’s speed walking towards them and gently steering them right back outside with a hand on each of their backs, throwing a wink your way as he walks out the door

“ what’ve you got there my little snowflakes? come, outside, show me outside on the grass ” ( you let out the most relieved sigh, thankful you won’t be moving your couch to try and find some bug )

୨୧ the twins absolutely love going on bike rides with sebastian too, it’s one of their daddy daughter activities, leaving you once a week for around an hour or two to have some me time

♡ when they get home, they’re talking your ear off about EVERYTHING they saw, no matter how mundane it may seem, sebastian’s little snowflakes find beauty in everything around them

୨୧ sebastian built a tree house for the twins in your backyard!

♡ not only did he build a treehouse, he decked it out inside with SO many books about bugs and wildlife and shelves for them to put their little bug containers on…

୨୧ safe to say they spend more time in the treehouse than they do your actual house! it’s hard for you guys to get them out of there, even just for lunch and dinner

“ will you come down from there, my little snowflakes? please? your lunch is ready… okay, well you know, i just found this really cool spider and i wanted to show you guys before lunch but i guess you’re not interested- ” ( they come barrelling out so fast sebastian yells at them to “ please be careful ” and extends his arms, fully prepared to catch them if they fall )

♡ you guys take the twins out for ice cream a lot! it’s one of their favourite sweet treats

୨୧ which is probably because you ate it a LOT whilst pregnant with them…

♡ sebastian goes in to order with the girls whilst you sit at one of the tables outside, watching them through the glass windows of the store with a soft smile on your face

୨୧ you chuckle as you see sebastian have to hold valerie up on his feet so that she can see the flavours, she’s always been the smallest of the twins which makes him especially soft with her

♡ when he comes out, he gives you a cone of your favourite ice cream with two chocolate flakes stuck in it, you didn’t think he forgot your favourite did you?

୨୧ sebastian makes them tuck a napkin in their shirt, no matter how embarrassing they think it is, he doesn’t want you having extra laundry that could’ve been prevented

♡ they already get so many clothes dirty from sitting on mud in the garden, you should really get around to buying them more overalls!

୨୧ as you all sit in the sun, eating your ice creams ( some faster than others ) sebastian can’t help but admire his little family! his gorgeous wife and his perfect little snowflakes

♡ oh, how lucky he feels…

sebastianvettel and ynln: merry christmas from the vettel family ⛄️ 🦌 🎄

sebynforever: the vettel twins are so big now, oh my god

> loveyouseb: sebastian’s snowflakes in the snow 🥹

lewishamilton ✔️: merry christmas to you two and the girls! hope they liked my presents ❤️

> sebastianvettel ✔️: they loved them, thanks lewis! - sebastian

[educatedsimps]

Heyo! Quick request here because my FYP wants to make me suffer with all the Bokuto angst I’ve been seeing related to different fics (like in another life, ect). WHY DO FANFIC AUTHORS KEEP KILLING HIM OFF??? ITS DRIVING ME NUTS 😭😭 Anyway, I’d like to request some fluff with Bokuto to counteract the angst I’ve been seeing. Maybe the reader wakes up from a nightmare similar to what’s been going on in these fics and he cheers her up by being his normal happy self? Take that my FYP hahaha

(I love your writing btw! I literally pause whatever I’m doing to read anything you’ve posted! You’re my fav author on this website <3)

≪ back to fics masterlist

bokuto kōtarō x f!reader

a/n: nah bro in another life fucking broke me 🥲 i read it in like 2021 (i think??) and that angst still haunts me to this very day 😀 anyway ofc bae i literally had a fic with this nightmare/comfort idea in my google keep drafts for the LONGEST time so it's time to finally put it out there lol. ALSO I'M SO GLAD U LIKE OUR WORKS omg "favourite author"??? MY HEART ✋😭 TY FOR READING ANON ILYSM 😭💕 hope u enjoy this bae and thanku for requesting, it was truly a joy writing this!

cw: idk man just bokuto fluff and comfort typa thing cuz he’s bokuto and the B in bokuto stands for best boyfriend (b)ever

"so he’s killed in the straight aus and sent back to be with akaashi cause we will nvr recover from in another life" -yves 2024

Jolting awake, you felt fresh tears rolling past your cheeks and staining your pillow. Eyes wide, you scanned your surroundings. Same room, same bed, same pyjamas...

Was that all a dream? But... It had felt so terrifyingly real that you had woken up in a cold sweat with ugly tears streaming down your face. Heart palpitating, you tried to regulate your breathing and convinced yourself that it was just a dream.

Feeling a warm breath brush the back of your neck, you turned to see your boyfriend, Bokuto Kōtarō, sleeping soundly next to you. His breaths were slow and deep, and you watched as his bare chest rose and fell. With a beefy arm slung over your waist, he held you close to him throughout the night, keeping you warm. The dim moonlight from your window illuminated his features and his face looked so peaceful (and beautiful) you couldn't help but stare.

Breathing a sigh of relief, you soaked up the warmth radiating from his body. Not wanting to wake him, you furiously wiped the tears from your cheeks and tried to quiet your sobs.

Unfortunately for you, Bokuto's hearing was as sharp as an owl's, and he stirred with a groggy "Y/n?"

A sniffle.

He jerked his head up to look at you clearly. Your head was buried in his chest. "Y/n?"

Another sniffle. He was starting to panic.

"Babe! Babe, what happened?" He asked softly, placing a hand under your chin and tilting your head up. He swore he heard his heart go crack when he saw your tears. You responded by burying your face in his neck again.

Realising you probably weren't ready to talk just yet, he decided to distract you first. Pulling your trembling body to his, he gently rubbed circles on your back and pressed a sweet kiss to your temple.

He hummed, "You know, I was thinking the other day. Maybe we could install a small spinning light thingy in the corner of our room so it's not so dark at night. I know you don't really like it when it's pitch black in the room sooo I figured maybe that could help! I was scrolling online and saw some designs I thought you'd like, but I forgot to copy the link to send it to you but I can look for it again and show it to you later-"

He paused abruptly when you raised your head, sitting up and looking at him with a half-smile on your face.

"You okay?" He asked, concern taking over his features. He shifted so that you both were half sitting with your legs still tangled under the blanket. "Wanna talk about it?"

With yet another sniffle, you nodded. As you recounted your nightmare, Bokuto continued rubbing your arm soothingly, occasionally wiping away your tears with his thumb. His head was tilted to the side in the most adorable fashion and his eyes were fully focused on you as you spoke.

"And... and then you died," You whispered, voice hoarse and shaky. Looking into his bright amber eyes, you continued. "It was so scary, Kō..."

"But I’m right here, aren’t I?" He asked almost immediately. Bending down to your eye level, he looked at you with such a pure and genuine smile. Your heart beat faster under his gaze.

"And I’m gonna be right here forever. I’ll be here when you wake up from bad dreams and good dreams, and I’ll be here on the nights you can’t fall asleep. I’ll be your protector, Y/n!” He continued, beaming. He swiftly placed a kiss on your forehead. “I’ll protect you from all the nightmares, I promise! And see? I’m totally fine! Those killers ain't got nothing on us. I won’t let ‘em touch my baby.”

He concluded his little cheer-up speech with a sweet kiss on your lips. His hand brushed your jaw, pulling you closer. If you weren’t seated firmly on the bed, your knees probably would’ve given out from how sweet the kiss was. Either that or you would’ve gotten severe cavities before the kiss ended.

Pulling away, he wrapped you up in his arms and you felt your lips pull into a smile. His cheery mood really was contagious.

Gently pushing you into a lying position, he grabbed the blanket and pulled it over your bodies, essentially bundling the two of you together.

“Time to get some sleep, babe. I’ll be right here, ‘kay?” He said, now hugging you under the covers. You hummed, feeling safe and content.

“Oh yeah, we should definitely get a spinning light thingy. It might help with the nightmares ‘cause it won’t be as dark,” you piped up. Chuckling, Bokuto agreed.

“I love you,” he whispered, closing his eyes.

“I love you more,” you yawned.

“I love you the most-est!”

You felt another kiss on the crown of your head before you drifted off to sleep.

a/n: UMMM i hope this was nightmarish/comfort/cheery enough?? IDK IM SORRY IF IT DIDNT MEET THE REQUIREMENTS 😭 but still, tysm for requesting and thanku for reading too!! hope u liked it :,) (feel free to request another part if you’re not satisfied)

© educatedsimps 2024. do not repost, copy, translate or plagiarise any work from this blog on tumblr or any other platforms. if you do, the simps will hunt you down. likes and reblogs are appreciated!

[oppaspearl]

𝙏𝙝𝙚 𝘼𝙧𝙩𝙨 𝙊𝙛 𝘾𝙤𝙣𝙛𝙚𝙨𝙨𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙨 (𝙆𝙈𝙂)

Pairing: Idol!Mingyu x Non!Idol reader Genre: heavy angst.  Summary: It's time for him to throw his mask off. Words count: 14,009

PART I | PART II

Six Months after your departure Nine months after your break up.

“Why did you not answer my texts?” 

Minyu let out a sigh as he just opened the door of his parents ' house and was greeted by Minseo. It was in the middle of spring when Mingyu decided to go back to his family's house and spend his day off with them. These couple of days have been tiring for Mingyu, especially when he just wraps the world tour and Pledis has given Seventeen some days off before they prepare for the awarding schedule. 

While Lisa was on tour and rather than spend another sad day alone in his apartment, Mingyu decided to spend his days off with his family since it had been such a long time. Even though Mingyu always keeps in touch with his parents through online chat, Mingyu just needs the warmth of being at home with his family. 

He missed it. 

He missed them.

Standing not too far away from him with a hair roller in her bangs, Minseo looks at his brother who just looking very tired. Her eyes scanned him from head to toe while Mingyu stood not too far away from him with open arms. Minseo knows that her brother is handsome, but Mingseo also knows that her brother is more than tired. She can see it pretty clearly from the bag under his eyes, how his cheeks have gone a little bit thinner, and how his hair got longer than the last time she met him. Among the little things that Minseo noticed, Minseo could see pretty clearly how his eyes screamed the longing for something. 

Something that Minseo knows very well.

Without another bickering, Minseo sighs and walks towards her brother before giving him a tight hug. The smell of Mingyu’s perfume was very clear on her nose as Minseo buries herself into her brother's jacket. She can feel his long arms wrap into her body and he puts his chin on top of her head. Besides the fact that Mingyu’s hair was longer than before, Minseo also noticed that her brother was bulking which made her warmer than before. 

“Yah, next time answer my text, will you?” Minseo asks with her voice muffled by his jacket. 

Mingyu nods his head. “Hm, sorry, I was driving, remember?”

“Arra,” Minseo nods, pulling her head from Mingyu’s chest to look straight into his eyes without breaking the hug. “Mom is in her nap, but she cooked lunch for you, have you eaten?”

“Not yet, eat with me?” Mingyu smirks. 

“I already have lunch with Dad,” Minseo replies. After the sentences left her mouth, Minseo could see that Mingyu’s gaze changes to something like… disappointment? The changes in Mingyu’s gaze made Minseo frown softly. But not even until five seconds later, the frown on her forehead went away as she understood the unspoken reason from Mingyu. Minseo then let out a soft sigh before brushing his hair from his forehead and said, “But I can accompany you at least?” 

Hearing his younger sister made Mingyu grin which resulted in Minseo rolling her eyes at him playfully and breaking the hug. Minseo can see how Mingyu’s eyes lit up with happiness after she agreed to accompany him to have lunch. But Minseo also cannot lie that her heart aches as she realizes that something has changed in her brother. 

She knows very well that her brother is hiding something from her. 

“Where’s appa?” Mingyu asks as they walk into the living room with his suitcase in his grip. 

“He went out fishing with his friend,” Minseo answers from the kitchen, as she takes a bowl for her brother who now sits on the dining chair. “He will be back on four, I guess.” 

Mingyu nods his head, opening some food containers in front of him. “Good thing he went with his friend, other than Minghao.”

“What happened if appa went fishing with Minghao oppa?” Minseo asks, handing the bowl to Mingyu. 

“Thanks,” Mingyu mutters and accepts the bowl that is already filled with brown rice. “His son is already gone home, but he chooses to go with his son's groupmate… It’s totally so weird.” 

Minseo snorts. “Maybe you should take a break more often and go with the old man,” 

“I wish I could,” Mingyu sighed and looked up at Minseo who was staring at him with an unexplainable gaze. She was sitting right in front of him, looking up to see her brother who was just about to have lunch that their mother made. 

If Minseo can be brutally honest with her brother, the only thing that she wants to do since three months ago is to punch him in the face and tell him to make up his mind again. But then as time goes by and Mingyu sitting right in front of her, Minseo can see that he already realized it. Which was supposed to be good right? 

Maybe three months ago, Minseo would just be saying, “Enjoy your karma for choosing the wrong person, and look you now waiting for her to be back–to love you like the old times.” 

But now? All Minseo can see is a drastic change from her brother. Even when the moment he steps into their house, Minseo can see the difference. Among Mingyu's friends, Minseo was also one of the people who witnessed so much love between two people. She was also the one who listened to Mingyu’s rambling about you, and how he fell in love with you. Looking back, Minseo was sick enough to see how her brother was crazy over you. 

So when Mingyu texts her about the break-up, Minseo is the first one to feel a great loss. 

Minseo was grown up with an older brother, and parents. Not that Mingyu was not a good brother, he is indeed a very good and caring brother that she always has. The brother that her friends always talk about and wish to have. Minseo was lucky to have Mingyu as her brother. 

However, deep down in her heart, Minseo was always missing an older sister role. 

It’s not that she can’t talk about her problem with Mingyu, but sometimes she also needs a sister that will give her a new perspective with a more inclusive approach. Yes, she can have a girl talk with her mother or her friends. But then as Minseo and her mother get older, she realizes that not every topic can be spoken about because again she just didn’t want her mother to be worried. On the other side, Minseo also cannot tell her friends the way it is, because she knows not everyone has the genuine intention of being friends with her. 

With you coming into her life and how you can listen to her problem, Minseo feels like she has the sister that she always prays about. Mingyu dates a lot of girls with pretty faces, but you are a different story from them. For Minseo, you are one of the beautiful girls who not only has a good appearance but also a very good attitude and listener. You are also very calm and yet independent, which Minseo realizes that it was one of the things that made you more beautiful than any girls that Mingyu dated in the past. 

“Are you okay?” Mingyu snaps Minseo to reality. 

Minseo straightens her position and nods, “Gwenchana,” 

“Are you sure?” Mingyu asks again. “You seem to have something on your mind,” 

“Just some work and college stuff,” Minseo gave him an assuring smile. “You should eat more, Eomma cooked your favorites.” 

Mingyu just looks at his sister with a pure blank expression. His eyes focus on how Minseo put some food in his bowls with a soft smile on her lips. Mingyu knows that the current things on Minseo's mind as she sits in front of him, are not about her work or even her college life. 

It was similar to what Mingyu had on his mind for these past months. 

“Minseo-ah,” Mingyu put down his chopsticks and sighs. “I’m sorry.” 

Minseo stopped what she doing, but her gaze was not focusing on Mingyu. She just looks down at the table because she can feel tears flowing in her eyes and the last thing she wants to happen is to cry in front of Mingyu. So then, she braves herself up and blinks her tears up then looks at Mingyu. 

“What do you mean?” Minseo frowns. “Minseo-ah, you know what I mean,” Mingyu spoke slowly before looking down. Even without asking, Minseo knows that Mingyu is currently trying hard to not cry in front of her. Watching that view in front of her made Minseo’s heart break a little. For the first time in her life, Minseo watches how fragile Mingyu is with her own eyes. 

The golden retriever brother was long gone. 

“Oppa,” Minseo sighs and holds his hands that were on the table. The warm hand of her on his cold one makes Mingyu look up at Minseo. “Gwenchana, you got me, okay?” 

“But–”

“Don’t,” Minseo shakes her head, cutting off Mingyu's sentence. “We can talk later about it once you feel ready, for now just… take a rest.” 

Mingyu sighed and tightened his hold on her hand. With a small smile on his lips and eyes on hers Mingyu mutters a soft thank you at her.

Nodding her head at her brother, Minseo smiles and takes some food for him. Her eyes were back on him, watching the man eating the lunches that their mother made. A lot of curses that were waiting to be pulled out of her mouth suddenly just disappear as Minseo watches her brother closely. 

Despite the biggest mistake that Mingyu has made in his life, Minseo can help it by wanting to hug him tight, telling him that he has her and that it is time for him to forgive himself. 

But now the important thing for Minseo is to see him back home after he lost it months ago. 

Hectic. 

The one word that can describe how your life in New York for the past couple of months. Meetings, classes, online meetings, classes, tests, community gatherings, adaptation, and many more were the things that occupied you starting three days after you landed. Not that you didn’t expect there will be an easy life once you land in the city that always becomes on your wishlist to live in, but to be true you feel like everything happened so fast. 

Faster than you thought. 

Everyone in the world knows that New York City is one of the busiest cities in the world, besides Seoul. There were no days for you to finally have your mind calm without thinking about the tasks for tomorrow. On the bright side, you still can enjoy your weekend even if it was from your apartment or even going for brunch with your friends. But still, you missed the day off that made you didn’t feel anxious as you rested yourself and didn’t do anything for a whole or even two days in a row. 

By the fourth month of your stay in New York, you could say that you already made some progress and even in the past you will be shocked when you find out how big the progress was. At your new workplace, the team respected you and thankfully you get along with most of the employees very well. You also feel very lucky to have such an amazing, caring, and hard-working team to lead even when most of the team is younger than you. The work environment is also very good and supportive, which you couldn’t ask for better than you have here. Shortly, you could say that your new workplace slowly becomes like your home. 

The same thing goes with your uni life. Working and becoming a student at the same time was never an easy task, but somehow you wanted to become one of them since you entered undergraduate school. What made this time different than the first one, was probably because of your experience before and also the environment. Most of your uni friends are the same as you, who work eight to seven for five days, having some corporate issues to be solved while also having some uni projects that also running. They are also very helpful and supportive, which you are grateful for. 

Deep down, you let yourself enjoy that kind of hectic although you have to listen to Suhoon grumble on the phone every night telling you that you need to loosen up since he realized that you grow busier every day. 

“Have a rest on the weekend, take a stroll in Central Park, have a pizza in Brooklyn as we used to, I don’t care, but please just don’t drown yourself for work on the weekend.” 

That is what he always said to you on the phone every Friday as you walked back to your apartment from your office. Even when you and he have separated a thousand miles away from each other and not forgetting the time difference between Seoul and New York, Suhoon never missed his shot to scold you for working on the weekend. Sometimes, you realize that he slowly acts like your parents and your brother. 

Suhoon may know you very well, but one thing he doesn't know is how easy it is for you to lie to him every weekend. Enjoying a quiet breakfast in Central Park? Watching one of the shows on Broadway? or enjoying a quiet night at the Met Museum? those are just plans that you want to do.

you didn't do it all.

In fact, on Saturday and Sunday mornings you prefer to enjoy your breakfast by looking at the view of Central Park from inside your apartment. With classical music echoing throughout your apartment, you sometimes wonder how Suhoon will react to your lies all along. There are no quiet nights at the Met Museum, there are only you in front of your computer screen, working on documents that you can actually work on for the next week or two.

The point is, you always keep doing your job because that's all you can do to escape everything.

Run from his shadow.

Piles of documents, college projects, and everything is just your escape and will always be your escape. At least until he's completely out of your mind. Fortunately, no one knows about it except you.

Talking about Suhoon, of course, you can't tell him about this. God, you are sure that this man will immediately buy a plane ticket and be at your apartment door when you just wake up if he finds out. You don't want to disturb them, you don't want to disturb their very busy lives just because of your obvious love problems that have run aground and can't be fought for.

There were times when you thought that Suhoon might know everything, but in fact, your lies tricked him.

Your lies managed to fool everyone, except yourself.

You can't lie and hide the fact that you often think about him. You see him from time to time on your computer screen, and sometimes you see his face from one of your team members and they give a weekly report presentation. From what you can see, he looks healthier, bulkier, and of course that face.. that handsome face that sometimes accompanies you in dreams on some nights. He is even more handsome with his new haircut, his hair is now black. The hair that you usually comb with your fingers when you're hugging each other in the cold of the night.

Maybe your decision to go to New York was a brave enough thing, but after seeing him quite happy with what he has now, you realize that you have made the right decision.

For him and yourself.

And that's what's on your mind while your eyes are glued to the view of the fountain that is in front of you at that time. Under the crescent moon and towering buildings, you sat in one of the chairs with a cup of hot chocolate in your hand.

Among the crowd who are busy with their activities, you choose to sit alone. On a cold Friday night and after spending time in your college library, you decide to sit in Bryant Park. The warmth that comes from the hot chocolate that you hold and the black coat that you wear is enough to accompany you in the middle of this cold night. At least that's what you tell yourself.

Exactly on the same day today, you set foot for the first time in New York with lots of hopes and wounds that you can't even express in words. For people who are new to you, they might think that you are very happy to move to New York. Getting a scholarship to NYU, owning an apartment overlooking the Central Park scene, getting promoted as Digital Communications Manager from one of New York's top PR agencies, and you name it.

You are happy.

Of course, you are happy. After working hard for several years, you finally got what you always wanted. You worked hard all this time to get it, even though in the end you have to be brave enough to get hurt.

It's not his fault, but you also know it's not your fault. But all this is only a matter of time. Opportunity comes to you when he also gets a second chance to love the person he has loved so far. If you just look deeper, this is an opportunity that benefits both of you. However, in the end, you have to accept the consequence, namely losing it.

But isn't it all worth it?

You lost it, but you got what you wanted all along. He lost you, but he will also get what he wanted all along. In the end, you both lose each other and get what you want.

It might hurt a little, but you know that it will hurt you a lot more if you hold it in a little longer and live in the illusion you two created to keep you together. An illusion that will pull you deeper into the pain. How can you live amid that illusion when you know how it will all end?

Your thoughts were resolved when you felt your cell phone in your bag start to vibrate and made you carefully place the cup you were holding next to you.

With the phone still vibrating, you realize that someone has called you. You took a deep breath, preparing yourself to hear Suhoon nagging. It's time for Suhoon to call you, even though you also ask why he has to call you in the morning in the South Korean time zone.

Instead of seeing Suhoon as your caller, your eyes read a familiar name. That person called you after weeks of silence. It was very strange for you because you knew he was preparing for his return and you knew that the preparations took quite a long time so you didn't expect to get a call from him.

Your mind immediately runs in all directions.

Did he call you because something happened?

Your body begins to shake slowly while your mind tries to mentally prepare you for what is about to happen. Your thumb is right above the screen of your phone as if hesitating to pick up the call. In the midst of your confusion, you decide to accept the call. Take a deep breath, then hold your phone to your ear while closing your eyes to be ready for what will happen next.

“Yeoboseyo?”

Your voice is low, too low for someone whose heart is beating fast. You don't understand why you have to be this scared, but all you can do is hope that everything is okay.

“Anyeong, YN-ah,” his hoarse voice greets your ears for the first time in weeks. His voice is still the same, but the volume of the way he greets you on the other side is much bigger than a while ago. You open your eyes slowly. Your back which was previously in an upright position then rests on the chair you are sitting on. Breathe out of your mouth slowly.

He is at home.

Luckily.

“Yeoboseyo?” he asks again when you didn't return his first greeting. "Are you okay?"

"Yes," you nod your head as if he was around you even though he was thousands of kilometers from your current position. But you don't care about that, you care more about him who is on the other side of the world. 

"It's me," he says before sighing. "I'm sorry I haven't updated you in a few weeks—"

"I know you're busy preparing for a comeback, oppa," you say, cutting him off. "You don't need to apologize." “Still, I want to apologize.”  the man sighs then asks, "How's New York?"

With a snort, you then reply to him, “You just called me in–what? Seven in the morning–to ask about New York?” 

“YAH! I’m being serious here,” he grumbles. 

“New York is fine,” you reply with a small smile on your lips. "You don't have to worry about New York, it's still bustling."

"I know that," he chuckled. But his laugh only lasts for a moment, indicating he will ask a question that you know very well will be directed at you. "How are you tho?"

"I'm busy," plainly, you said.

"Seems the same as the last time I asked you,"

"I know," now it's your turn to sigh. But unlike him, you sighed as if you had found peace. Although it is not. "I just wanted to let you know I'm busy."

"All right, it's up to you," he said. "If your busy life makes you happy, then I'm happy for you."

"Thank you." There was a moment of silence between you. Maybe there he is considering what to ask you next. However, you are here just transfixed by the view of the buildings in front of you while holding back your tears from falling.

It's a good thing he's not near you at the moment.

“YN,” he calls your name, making you blink. "You don't have to lie to me, you know that?"

Shit, he knows it.

"You know you can tell me, whatever you feel, how many times do I have to remind you of that?" Even though his voice is low, you can tell that he's a little irritated by your attitude. But even though there was a sense of annoyance contained in him, he still tried to hold back his emotions. “I know,” you silently let out a groan. “But seriously, I’m pretty busy these days.” “Wait, are you even already at home right now?” he asks. 

Again, you shake your head, but then you remember that he is not around you. “No, but I just got back from the last class for this week.” “Where are you now?” “In the park,” “New York has a lot of parks, you know?”

You sigh. “Bryant, I’m at Bryant Park now, Happy?” 

“Kind of,” He chuckles a little bit. “You should take me there time, I’ve been dying to have a picnic in New York parks.” 

“You rarely do picnics when you are in Seoul,” you point out, smirking like you were challenging him. “And for your information when people go to picnic, they have coffee or even some food that is easy to bring, not soju.” 

“Hey, my love for soju is unlimited!” he bickers on the other side, causing you to let out a small laugh. “Besides, soju is suitable for every situation, including a picnic.” 

“For you, yes it is,” You sigh. “For the rest of us? We’ll pass.” 

“Let’s stop talking about my love for Soju,” He sighs. "By the way, why aren't you sleeping? Isn't it already eleven o'clock in the evening there?"

You shake your head. “I've been wanting to go to the park since morning, to clear my head. How about you, shouldn't you be preparing for the recording session?”

"How did you know?" he asks in surprise.

"Well, in case you forgot I'm still taking care of some PR activities for your group, you know that?"

“That's true,” he replies curtly. “Actually we are on holiday at the moment.”

With surprise, you then raise your eyebrow at his response. It shocked you because for all this time, exactly after spending almost five years as their PR, they rarely took off days at their comeback preparation. You know how tiring the process of the comeback preparations is, but you are also wondering what made them decide to take days off in the preparation timeline. 

It also made you wonder about him too. 

“Oppa,” you call him softly. “Can I ask you a question?” 

“You know damn well you can, YN-ah.” 

“Is he okay?” you take a deep breath as you can feel tears in your eyes. "Is he… happy?"

The question just came out of your mouth, without a signal as if your brain was talking. You don't even know why you're asking that crazy question. Shouldn't you be asking about it again?

"YN," he said your name in a tone that seemed to give you a warning. A warning that your question could open old wounds, or even worse, open new pages of wounds.

"Am I not allowed to know?" you ask.

Again, you don't understand why you are so brave.

“I think.. he tries to be okay and happy,” he sighs slowly and you know that he doesn’t want to explain the next thing that will leave his mouth soon. “I think it’ll be better if you know by yourself, you know? But if you are ready for it.” 

You remain silent. 

You're completely speechless. He's right, at least you have to know directly without any intermediaries. But the question is are you ready? Are you ready to open communication with him? Are you ready to hear his familiar hoarse voice that you have missed for the past few months?

You and yourself know very well that now is not the right time to do it. Right now you have to be the one who stands far from him, watching him live happily with someone who also makes him happy—with someone he has wanted for a long time.

But as easy as turning the palm of his hand, the man who is still on the other side, knows what you are thinking. This leads him to say, “I guess what I want to say is that you deserve your healing time, you’ve been through a lot for the past months. Heck, I don't even know what to do if I were you–I may be in the streets now, crying my ass off and drinking nonstop. It may be hard for you because I know you are still thinking about him too and I know damn well how much your love is still for him. Forgive yourself, forgive everything that has been done, and please live happily, so that you can make yourself happy because you deserve to be happy after a long journey. Your time to let go of everything has started since you left Korea, YN, and I know that you can go back stronger, arra?” 

Without you noticing, your cheek has been wet due to your tears. You cry because what the man said was true. You still think about him, but you also did not be fair to yourself who was still wounded. Working for fifteen hours a day, drowning yourself in tight and busy schedules, you realize that you have never actually been kinder to yourself. You are still blaming yourself for losing the one that you love. 

“Don’t cry,” the man says like he can see you now. “It’s seven in the morning here, and I don’t want to be a sad boy today.” 

You just smile as the tease then nod your head again to your phone. “Sorry.” 

“No need to be sorry, I’m the one who should apologize for pulling that joke.” he chuckles a little bit. “It’s okay to cry, YN. I guess it has been hard, for the past few days?” 

“Kind of,” 

The man hums. “You’ve been doing enough, okay? Stop pushing on yourself too hard, take a rest, and please-pretty please-make yourself happy, arra?”

“I’ll try, oppa.” you sigh softly. “But–” 

“No, buts.” the man cut you off. “Forgive yourself, okay? Take days off and have a rest, do something you like or you want to do. You are in New York, for fuck sake, the city of everything. It’s time to be kinder to yourself.” 

Hearing the man's speech makes you smile wider. He has always been like this besides Suhoon and you realized that is what makes you miss him for his absents in the past few weeks. But you also know that what he just said, is true. It’s time to be kinder to yourself.

“Okay,” 

“I just spoke more than five paragraphs, and you just said okay? I can’t believe you,” 

This time you laugh. “Okay, I’ll do it like what you said.” “Good, because I’ll visit you soon so I hope I see your happy face, arra?” 

Hearing that he will visit you anytime soon, your eyes automatically widen. “Jinja? When?” 

“Probably at the end of this month,” he replies. “I’m bringing two friends who won't wait to see you,” 

“Seems I know who is it.” your smirk. “Give me a spoiler, will you?” 

Even not around him, you know that the man currently rolling his eyes at you. “Fine, it’s Joshua, you know I need a translator when I go shopping later.” “You have me,” “I’ll spend two weeks in New York, which means I have ten weekdays and two weekends, I don’t want to disturb you,” he explains. “I also don’t want to wait for you to get shopping, so I’ll bring him.” 

You smile. “Make sense,” 

“I know,” he chuckles. “And YN?” 

You just hum to respond to his calls. 

“Kkuma is also coming with me too,” 

“YAAAH JINJAA?!” 

That day Anyang was noticeably colder for a spring day.

For some reason the wind today felt stronger, causing lots of fallen leaves to fly around aimlessly. However, the strong wind that day did not dampen the enthusiasm of many people for the weekend. Under the night sky, some people spent their time in the park whether it was spending time with their loved ones or even jogging.

Who can usually jog at night with this strong wind?

That thought floated in Mingyu's mind when his eyes caught sight of someone jogging from the balcony of his room. But if you think about it, why did Mingyu decide to finish his bottle of beer on the balcony of his room even though the wind was quite strong outside?

There is only one answer to that.

Mingyu just wanted to stop all the arguing in his mind. At least just for tonight.

Spending time with his family from the morning does make him feel more alive, but it's times like this when he's alone again arguing and those thoughts come back. The disappointment in him was immense and he couldn't stop it. More precisely, Mingyu felt it was the right thing for a jerk like him.

Mingyu misses you more than anything he wants in this world.

But Mingyu also loves Lisa.

Right?

Mingyu loves Lisa and... you?

He knew it was wrong not to be able to choose the one he loved. Mingyu first knew Lisa and long before you came he fell in love with her. They fall in love with each other. Then you came into Mingyu's life as a foreigner who has responsibility for his group.

Mingyu remembers very well how you kept your distance from him. You do talk to him, you two are then fairly close as work colleagues. But your closeness is still far away when compared to your closeness and that of several other members such as Minghao, Seungcheol, Joshua, and Dino. Mingyu feels that when you're with them, you can laugh a lot more and talk about things he doesn't talk about. He's even quite surprised when he finds out that you often spend time with some of his members, whether it's buying coffee together, going out to dinner, or watching movies together.

On the one hand, Mingyu feels that his relationship with Lisa is a bit strained. Mingyu and Lisa's schedules always crash date schedules that are often canceled suddenly due to comeback preparations, and Lisa whose name is becoming more and more famous as time goes by. Mingyu still loves Lisa, and he will still love Lisa, but he also really misses her presence. Mingyu misses the warmth that he always got from Lisa whether it's from her arms or even from how he acts towards Mingyu because that's what made Mingyu fall in love with Lisa. Her personality, their similar, to the other little things from Lisa.

The decision of the two of them to end their relationship was an easy decision based on the results of the discussion between the two of them.

Nothing is holding one back from fighting between the two. They believe that maybe now is not the right time for them to have a relationship as lovers. Mingyu is of course sad and a little disappointed by what happened. But that feeling then slowly disappears as he often starts spending a lot of time with you.

Mingyu didn't expect it.

Of course, he didn't expect it since we're talking about you here. Everyone who works has a high professionalism ethic, but for Mingyu there is something different about you. You're cold, but at the same time, you're one of the nicest people to everyone. More precisely, you care about your surroundings but you also don't hesitate to look cold.

But as many people say, eventually the ice cubes will melt if someone heats them. As time goes by, you and Mingyu start spending time together. Mingyu saw that you were starting to work up the courage to open yourself up to him over time. And, at that time, it wasn't only you who dared to open up yourself, but Mingyu too.

Mingyu only realized it when Seungcheol said that he noticed a difference from Mingyu after the end of his relationship with Lisa. The difference that Seungcheol meant was Mingyu's sad look which then turned into a look full of comfort when you stepped into the room. Seungcheol isn't a leader for nothing without his power to find out what happened to one of his members within seconds. At that moment, Seungcheol knew that Mingyu had found the warmth that had just disappeared.

Yes, comfort and warmth from you.

It was hard to admit at the time, but at the end of this cold night, Mingyu realized that what Seungcheol said was true and unfortunately Mingyu has lost that warmth now. It's funny to think back on how Mingyu made sure many times to Seungcheol about his feelings for you. Mingyu knows Seungcheol, really knows him. Just as Seungcheol could easily tell what was going on with him, Mingyu could also see the warmth and comfort in Seungcheol's eyes.

It took the same fifty questions for Mingyu to confirm Seungcheol's feelings for you. Fifty times the question then resulted in the fact that Seungcheol was dating one of his old friends and of course that surprised and relieved Mingyu at the same time. Mingyu was surprised because all this time Seungcheol kept his relationship a secret so neatly that Mingyu didn't know about this fact.

Mingyu is also relieved because it means he has a chance to be with you, as more than a friend.

The sound of the door opening tore all of Mingyu's thoughts.

Spontaneously, his head that was facing the view of the buildings now turned back to see who would join him. Right behind him, Minseo stood with a cup in her hand even though she was already wearing her cute pajamas.

"May I join you?" Minseo while closing the door with her foot.

Mingyu nods then frowns, "Of course, but why aren't you sleeping yet?"

"I can't sleep," Minseo replies while sitting in front of her brother. Now the scent of camomile tea wafts through Mingyu's nose as Minseo puts her cup on the table. The steam from the tea then accompanied them both. "What happened to you?"

"Huh?"

"Why aren't you sleeping yet?" Minseo asks. "And why are you drinking outside? It’s pretty cold here.” 

A sigh left Mingyu’s mouth then he leaned his chin to his hand. “Just feel like to,” "Why aren't you sleeping yet?" Minseo asked after they were struck by silence for a few minutes.

Mingyu's finger which was playing with the top of the beer bottle stopped slowly before he finally answered, "I can't sleep, what about you?"

"Same," Minseo replied then folded her arms in front of her chest. "Looks like I had too much caffeine this morning."

“You always drink too much caffeine,” Mingyu said with a crooked smile.

"Said people who can drink americano three times in one day." 

Mingyu who heard what she said just chirped. "Well! I need some caffeine to get to the gym!”

"I also need caffeine to live, in case you forgot."

"No, I haven't forgotten because you still need me instead of your caffeine."

Minseo who was in front of him just rolled his eyes and then snorted after hearing that sentence come out of his own brother's mouth. What he did then made Mingyu chuckle, shook his head, then took a sip of the half-bottle of beer. Mingyu's brown eyes now looked at the scene behind his younger brother. Even though the night wind was starting to get strong on the back of his neck, somehow Mingyu at least felt calm.

The peace he missed.

Meanwhile, Minseo, who was sitting across from Mingyu, was now looking at his older brother intently. Mingyu's hair is now long, even if Minseok remembers it, it's currently the longest hair his older brother has ever had. Minseok is reluctant to say it but at least his brother still looks handsome. His body also looks bigger than before. It makes his body look dashing with muscles that are starting to form. His shoulders are getting wider.

Now Minseo understands why many of his close friends have started asking about his older brother. Even though some of Minseo's friends have beautiful physiques, the girl is still reluctant to introduce her brother to them.

No, it wasn't that he didn't trust his close friend.

More precisely, Minseo knows that right now his brother is still confused with a big dilemma. The dilemma that made Mingyu a little away from Minseo in the last few months.

The dilemma finally made Mingyu lose his home.

“Oppa,” Mingyu glanced at Minseo who now her gaze fell on her hands on the table. "I have a confession for you"

"What confession?" Mingyu asked with a mischievous smile. "If you say I'm more handsome than the person you like, keep it, I already know that."

“I'm serious,” Minseo glanced at Mingyu. "I think it's time you knew about this."

"Okay, tell me."

"Me and Seungcheol went to meet YN unnie at the airport at that time,"

Not more than ten seconds after the sentence left Minseo's mouth, Mingyu's shoulders immediately fell limp slowly. Minseo who was in front of Mingyu was still reluctant to make eye contact with him. Without having to raise her head and look straight into her brother's eyes, Minseo knows that what she just said will bring a long silence between the two.

With a long and slow breath, Minseo straightened her sitting position. Her hands are now resting with her elbows on the table. Mingyu was speechless. It's like a dry wound being doused again with alcohol. Did he feel… confused? angry? Annoyed? Mingyu honestly didn't know if he couldn't tell the difference between all of them, but after those words came out of his sister's mouth, his body and mind immediately froze.

"I know I should be able to give you a warning that she's leaving," Minseok continues, still looking down and doing her best to avoid her brother's eyes. “I know that I should have told you about everything before her departure, giving you the chance to see her even for the last time. I'm sorry, oppa."

Minseo now looked up and looked at Mingyu with two eyes full of tears. She couldn't help it, the guilt was big enough and it continued to grow with time. The blame then grew again with her seeing the changes that had happened to his older brother. Minseok isn't a kid anymore, she's old enough to understand issues from any point of view. And it doesn't take much maturity for Minseo to know what happened to Mingyu.

Everything about Mingyu is visible to Minseo. Even though his physique is far from messy, Minseo knows clearly that Mingyu is currently less than fine. Today as her brother visited her and their family, all her thought about him was right. By starters, his gaze was different like it lacking of something. Second, Mingyu was quieter than usual although they had a conversation after his lunch, but still, it felt like he pulling himself for her. Third, Mingyu avoids his parents’ questions about you which leads Minseo to tell their parents (in secret) that you have been caught at work. Lastly, Mingyu was caught busy with his thoughts at the family dinner earlier which was rarely to happen. Also, Mingyu has been avoiding Minseo for the last few months.

Minseo knows everything. 

Without her having to ask Mingyu what's wrong with him. How many times he tried to hide it from her, Minseo can tell right away. 

In the meantime, Mingyu just lowers his head and avoids meeting his sister’s gaze. Mingyu couldn't lie that what his younger sister had just said was something easy for him to accept. Because in fact, Mingyu tried his best to sound okay even though right now his heart and mind were screaming aimlessly and full of anger and confusion.

“It's not your fault,” Mingyu said slowly.  “I understand why you did it and I would have done the same thing if I were also in your position."

“…”

"Can I ask about something?"

Minseok nods her head. "Of course,"

“Is she…” Mingyu sighed and then blinked his eyes as he felt that the tears starting to well up. Inside his mind, Mingyu seemed to be saying to himself that right now is the right time to let down all his ego in front of his little sister—one of the people he trusted to tell his feelings apart from his parents.

It’s the right time for him to take off the mask he had been using for the last few months.

As if understanding her brother's intention, Minseo nods her head slowly then she holds her brother's hand which was also placed on the table right in front of her. Minseo knows that her brother is crying and that is not a problem at all for her because she knows how long he has been keeping it up by himself. 

“She was trying… to accept and adjust her life with what happened,” Minseo answered. "Same with you now. It’s also been a hard time for her, and I know it even though she tries so hard to cover it up in front of me."

After finishing saying that sentence, Minseo then heard a sound of sobbing that was soft enough to make her look up and see Mingyu's shaking shoulders. Minseo's eyes were now glued on the scene in front of her. She could even feel Mingyu's hands shaking as he cried.

“I know what's going on,” Minseok begins. “I'm not going to judge you, but I also can't defend you for what you've done because I know how deeply you two love each other. To be honest, I also don't understand why you prefer someone from your past when you've already gotten the person you deserve all along. But if your choice makes you happy…” Minseok sighed. "Then I'm happy for you."

Silence enveloped both of them again.

This time it wasn't an awkward silence, but one where they understood each other and what was going on. Mingyu still bowed his head, drowned by the words of his younger brother and also his tears. Everyone knows that Minseo is the last person who will judge Mingyu for all the decisions he has made, but Mingyu also can't lie that he feels disappointed with how Minseo explained her views. Because just like Minseo, Mingyu was also disappointed in himself and the decisions he made.

"You still love her to this day, aren’t you, oppa?"

Actually, without having to ask this question, Minseo knew the answer very well. As easy as turning a hand, Minseo easily knows the answer just by looking into Mingyu's eyes. It doesn't take many words to describe it and it doesn’t take a long time for Mingyu to explain to her, because Minseo knows very well that Mingyu still loves you.

He loves you very much to this day. 

"I also know that you still care about Lisa," Minseo smiled sadly before she continued. "But don’t you think that all of this is also unfair to her? Yes, you choose her and you are here with her now, but oppa..  we both know who is the person that your heart wants now and it’s not her.” Again, there is no answer from Mingyu as he still drowning in his thoughts, thinking about what Minseo just said. 

Minseo sighs. “Now, I just want you to ask yourself a question, do you love her? Or are you falling in love with the idea of her not being alone and you can always be there for her?” 

“I don’t know,” Mingyu opens his mouth to speak and looks up from his lap. In front of her, Minseo can see how red Mingyu's eyes are. There is no rainbow that she can find in his gaze, there is just a big storm and dark clouds. “I-I just want her to be okay–to be happy because I will be too if she is..” 

“Then you have to let go YN, oppa.” 

“I can’t,”

Minseo frowns softly. “Why?” 

“I just…” Mingyu shakes his head, as tears come down his cheeks again. “I just can’t do that, Minseo-ah.” 

“You have to, oppa, you hurting yourself and Lisa if you keep doing this.” 

“I can’t, okay?” Minseo can hear how trembling his deep voice is even as he still lowers his eyes. The deep voice seemed to be shrouded with a thick layer of fear and despair. “I still love her, Minseo-ah, I always will love her.” 

“You love her, but still you did not choose her at first,” Minseo sighs. “Isn’t that already too late, oppa? You let go of her first by choosing Lisa and did not fight back for her when she called everything off. She let you go because she loves you even when she knows that she can no longer be your happiness. If you really love her, you wouldn’t be here now, not in this situation, and neither could she.” 

“I know,” Mingyu nods slowly. “But I can’t, I just… I know it’s all my fault. I know that I should have stopped her at the moment when she turned her back on me for the last time, I know that I should have asked her for forgiveness instead of being silent when she called it off, and I know very well that I should have chosen her before I make my decision.  I know I’m too late to realize all of this, and if there is any chance that I can take to be with her again, to apologize over and over again at her, to have that chance to let her know that I love her so much, I’ll do anything… I’ll do anything for her—for us. I’ll do anything to let her know that she’s the only one that I want for all this time. I’ll do anything for her to stay,” 

Minseo can only just nod, as fat tears now stream out from her eyes. Now both of them were drowning in each other's tears. His breathing is heavy as if he had just run thousands of kilometers. His deep voice now turned even more hoarse as if he had just screamed with all his might. His two tear-stained eyes now looked at Minseo's pair of eyes which were also filled with tears.

“I tried, okay?” Mingyu sighs. “I tried my best to forgive myself for what I've done, for not fighting when I still get that chance. I tried to live with the decision that I made, with my own decision that led me to lose her. I tried all that but letting her go? I can’t and I’ll never will. Even when she is already far away from me, even if she’s happy with someone else one day, I’ll love her, Minseo. I always love her but I also cannot lie that I want Lisa to be happy with me..” “You hurt yourself, oppa.” 

“I know,”

“...” 

“I guess you already know that she gave me this jacket for my birthday,” Mingyu begins as he smiles proudly at the jacket that he wore which leads Minseo shocked about it. “Suhoon gave it to me after he announced that she left the group in this big white box with a white ribbon. He didn’t tell me at first but I know it soon after I saw her writing on the tag. Do you know what he said? He said to me, “Mingyu, please open this box when you are ready.” I know that he is concerned about me, but I didn’t do as he said.” 

“What did you do then?”

Mingyu slowly nods his head, “I said fuck it and I open the box. My heart and my mind were going crazy, you know? Asking and making sure that I’m ready for it. Even Lisa asked me about what bothered me since I became silent that evening. I think I was ready, well stupid of me, thinking that I was ready for what would happen next after I opened the box. Do you know what was the first thing I saw as I opened the box? there were two polaroids of us and two folded papers. She wrote me down a whole paper of birthday wishes, showering me with her love in her own words. I was so happy, but then I read the second letter.” 

“The letter of her forgiveness for leaving you,” Minseo cut him off. “She told you to love Lisa with all your heart, wasn’t she?” 

Mingys frowned his brows, as he heard how his sister cut him off. While Mingyu was lost in confusion, Minseo just looked at her tea blankly. Her slender fingers which previously held Mingyu's hand, now gripping her cup. Surprisingly, there was a faint smile on the girl's lips even though she didn't look at Mingyuyu at all.

As if Minseo already knew about the box long before it landed on Mingyu.

While Mingyu was lost in confusion, Minseo just looked at his tea blankly. His fingers which previously held Mingyu's hand now gripped his cup. Surprisingly, there was a faint smile on the girl's lips even though she didn't look at Mingyuyu at all.

As if Minseo already knew about the box long before it landed on Mingyu.

"I know what she wrote for you," Minseo said right before Mingyu asked him a question. "I know that she asked you to love Lisa because you deserve your happiness, I know that she asked you to forget it--I know everything because I was there. She didn't want me to know but one day before her departure I found two letters on the table along with the gifts she prepared for you,"

"You know all this already?"

Minseo nods and still avoids Mingyu's eyes who are now looking at him with pain.

There was a sense of betrayal in Mingyu's tone as the question left his mouth.

It was painful enough for him to know that Minseo and Seungcheol were right beside you just before you left. The universe seemed to hold no pain for Mingyu, even at that time Mingyu felt that the universe was deliberately stabbing him with painful realities. All of this felt so painful because the people who knew about all this were the people closest to him. Two people that Mingyu has trusted about his feelings so far. Two people that Mingyu never thought would choose silence when something big was about to happen in his life.

"oppa--"

"Does Seungcheol know about it too?" asks Mingyu in a colder tone. "About all this?"

"I told him first," Minseo replies... "She didn't want me to tell Seungcheol about her departure, because she knew that Seungcheol would tell you before her departure."

"And you prefer to tell everything to Seungcheol instead of telling me first?"

Minseo's body immediately trembled when she heard Mingyu who started to raise his voice. Without having to ask, Minseo knows that now his brother is starting to fill with emotions.

Instead of apologizing, now Minseok looks up and looks into his brother's eyes with a sharp gaze. "Yes, I prefer to tell everything to Seungcheol instead of telling you first. I prefer to tell you after she left. Do you know what the reason is? Because you deserve all of this."

Mingyu widens his eyes. "W-What do you mean? Can't you see the state I'm in right now? Can't you see how much I miss her? My life--"

"Shouldn't you have thought about that before you decided to leave the people you love to make people happy in the past?" Minseok sighs. "YES! You're my brother, but you don't deserve to feel that you're the only one who feels hurt here. Were you there when she cried every night? Did you ever think about how she felt after you decided to choose your past? When you just kept quiet and let her make her way to leave your life? Gosh, did you even fight for her forgiveness? No, right? You just stood there and let her go, you decided to throw her away and back to your past.” 

“You don’t know–” 

“Enlighten me then!” Minseo stands from her seat. “Enlighten me about your reason, enlighten me with the stupid reason that makes you throw the best thing that ever happened to you! Because I cannot find anything that you thought until all this happens makes any sense. If your only reason is because you want to make Lisa happy, then I guess all this is fair right? YN let you get your happiness, and you should too.” 

“But I’m not happy-” 

“Do you think she is?” Minseo scoffs. “Do you ever think about her feelings as you decided to ‘help’ Lisa? If you did, none of this would happen. She will not be leaving, she will be here with you. All this happened because of your decision, and… the pain that you feel now is your consequence. Her departure is the consequence of your choice.” 

“...” 

“I know I’m wrong, by not telling you everything, and I’m sorry for that.” Minseo sighs. “But I hope that you can choose yourself, choose the person that has already been there for you at your worst. I just want you to taste your own medicine, it’s hurt–Gosh I know it hurts you, but all of this will end eventually if you let YN go just like how she did to you for your own sake, for your happiness.” 

Mingyu just lowers his head as Minseo just stands there and watches how her brother cries one more time that night. She did not want to be this far, but if she did not do this, she knew her brother would always running in the same loop. Above anything she wants right now, Minseo just wants that you and Mingyu find your happiness. 

Because she knows that both of you earned. 

Even if it hurts. 

Even if there was no you and Mingyu in both of your happiness. 

“I’m sorry,” Minseo wipes the tears that came out of her eyes with the hem of her sweater. “I know you've been through a lot this past few months and I was there too seeing her having all this. I just want you to… be careful about your own decision, I don’t want you to put yourself in a situation like this. I know you want to make Lisa happy because she was there for you in the past, but I also want you to know that you don’t owe her anything. What both of you started in the past was already done too, there was no you and her anymore.” 

Mingyu just nods his head and still lets his cry out. Minseo had never seen her brother act like this, crying hard and looking fragile. For her, Mingyu always be the one that she looks up to the most. To be brave, confident, and… to love someone with all her heart. 

But now, in front of her, Mingyu was dropping all his masks. 

Mingyu took it all off and let his guard down. 

Slowly, Minseo walked to her brother, kneeling to his level, and gave him a tight hug. Her tears just freely flow to her cheek as she can feel her sweater-covered shoulder starting to wet due to her brother's tears. As Mingyu cries, she can feel how hard his body trembles in her arms. She wraps his muscular arms around her body and hugs her like there is no day after tomorrow. 

Tightly, Mingyu hugs Minseo with all his power. 

Hoping that it was you. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispers in between his tears. “I’m so sorry,” 

“It’s okay, you are okay, I’m here, we are okay.” 

Minseo nods her head as her tears come out more than before. Her hands tapped Mingyu's broad shoulder. It was one of her habits when she tried to calm him down, to make sure that she was always there for him. Like another language of her saying that Mingyu is safe.

As the night got colder, both of them were drowned in their tears. The “sorry” word never left Mingyu's mouth as he cried Minseo's arms that night. There was a string on Minseo's heart as she hugged her brother closely. 

On that night, as her warm perfectly wrapped Mingyu's body, she has one hope. 

Minseo only can hope that there will be you in Mingyu's happiness, even if it takes a long time for him to fix everything. 

I want to talk with you. 

Alone. 

A heavy sigh left Seungcheol's mouth as he read his younger member's message that already dropped on his phone notification two days ago. Noticing the red light color change, Seungcheol then softly throws his phone to the empty passenger seat next to him before he puts his focus back on driving. His Mercedes was smoothly running above the snow-covered road, while his mind was somewhere deep inside. 

Seungcheol can’t help it. 

Yes, he can’t help to think about the possibilities that will talk about later. Seungcheol was ready with all his reasons because he knew all of them made sense (from his and Minseo's points of view). But if Seungcheol could tell the truth, he was not ready to see his closest member fall apart. Seungcheol is not ready for the consequences that he has to face, even when he already knows about it the first time before he jumps into it. 

Both of the people were his best friends. 

The two people that he loves and care about. 

But to think and do like what Mingyu did, Seungcheol cannot imagine himself doing that to someone that he loves the most. Mingyu was always one of the members that close with Seungcheol and they share their own stories. Seungcheol sees Mingyu as his own younger brother, and yet Seungcheol still cannot understand why Mingyu can let you go so easily. 

Especially when Seungcheol knows how deep is Mingyu’s love for you. 

Shortly, Seungcheol can read Mingyu easily like an open book. It was not strange for Seungcheol to see Mingyu sacrifice himself just to make people happy. For Seungcheol, Mingyu was one of those people and this time Mingyu sacrificed the most precious thing in his life and caused big damage. 

The big damage came slowly but bigger each time. 

The big damage that brings Seungcheol to drive to Mingyu's apartment tonight.

Seungcheol knows pretty well what Mingyu wants to talk about and it was nothing more than you and him. The leader also knows that Mingyu may think that Seungcheol did all of this because he likes you. 

Well, the truth is Seungcheol always likes you. 

Seungcheol likes you more than he likes his high school crush.

Seungcheol knows he can provide you well. 

But one thing Seungcheol knows for sure is that he is not Mingyu.  

He never can be Mingyu. 

Seungcheol’s wagon pulls up in the familiar parking basement. The heaviness in his heart was starting to become more and more as he drove his car and found an empty parking spot near the entrance. As soon as his car was perfectly parked in one of the empty spots, without thinking twice, Seungcheol slid out from the driver's seat and made his way to enter the building that he knew so well. 

The sound of Seungcheol's footsteps as he walked into the lift, was still far louder than the sound of his fast heartbeat at the current time. As the lift becomes higher and higher, Seungcheol can’t help his mind to think about you, about Mingyu. It was no lie when he said he wanted to help Mingyu, but it was also not a lie when Seungcheol said he also wanted his dongsaeng to feel all of this. 

Ding. 

The glass door of the lift slides open as it already reached the 17th floor which is Seungcheol's destination. In front of his eyes, Seungcheol was greeted with an empty and cold hallway made him take a very long deep breath before stepping outside. Feeling that he was ready, Seungcheol fastened his walk tempo before stopping at a familiar door. Ready or not, he has to be ready for his questions. Not until a minute after Mingyu presses the doorbell, the familiar door that was closed now opens and reveals one familiar figure. Below his black caps, Seungcheol gave the person a small smile before walking inside.

The smell of wood and fresh-clean room cologne was lingering around Seungcheol's nose as he walked into the living room. There was still the empty yet clean living room it was too neat for Seungcheol. “You want a drink or something?” 

Seungcheol just snorted as the question left Mingyu's mouth. He then sits on the couch, as Mingyu just standing at the end of the couch. “Drop that question, will you? I know where is your fridge.” Betrayed, that was the only thing that Seungcheol could see in Mingyu's eyes. He knows Seungcheol knows that the person that stands in front of him, already knows what happened. Like a bomb that just waits to explode, Seungcheol just gonna wait there and see when his dongsaeng will explode at him. 

“You said you want to talk about something?” Seungcheol asks. “What happened?” 

Mingyu sighs before crossing his arms and leaning on the coffee table facing Seungcheol. “Why don’t you tell me what happened, hyung?” 

“Is it about our group?” Seungcheol sighs. “There are a lot of things that happened in the past–” “Drop that, I know.” Mingyu’s cold yet sharp voice cut Seungcheol’s sentences. “You know, no, you were there when YN  leave, right? At the airport?” “Yes,” Without waiting for Seungcheol's next question, Mingyu then asks, “Were you also helping YN for her moving to NYC?” “I am, Mingyu, is that all you want to–” “And you are the one that helps YN transition to the New York office?” Surprised and without his knowing, Seungcheol widened his eyes. “Mingyu–” “You are the one who did it right, hyung?” Mingyu just blankly looks at Seungcheol. Like someone who has been tortured from day to day, Mingyu did not cry. No, Mingyu was too ranged to cry at the moment. “Why didn’t you stop her, hyung? Why did you push her away from me?” “Mingyu,” “Why?” without Mingyu's notice, he raised his voice. Never have Seungcheol heard Mingyu raise his voice at him, but tonight is different. Mingyu was mad, no, Mingyu was furious. Even with his naked eyes, Seungcheol can see it clearly in Mingyu’s eyes and he cannot blame him for it. “Why it must be you? The one that I trust the most? Why does it have to be you that help her leave me here?” Hearing the sudden changes in Mingyu’s tone makes Seungcheol drop his head. He knows that it will happen, but why is he never prepared to face this type of Mingyu? Seungcheol was there all along, from the moment Mingyu said that your relationship was done and Seungcheol can see how Mingyu tried so hard to face it like usual. When Seungcheol knows well that the younger couldn’t do that. Seungcheol knows because he also saw it on you, how you pretend to be okay while you also try hard to hold yourself from being broken. 

“Mianhe,” Seunghceol's deep voice ripped off the silence between the two of them. “Mian, Mingyu-ah.” “Is it because you like her?’ Seungcheol raises his head to see Mingyu who stares at him with the same cold glance. “You always like her since the beginning you met her, right? That’s why you help her?” “Mingyu-” “You thought this is your shot to be with her, hyung?” Mingyu asks, ignoring Seugncheol who tries to explain. “Is that how badly you want to be with her, hyung? That bad? So you just help her to leave me here without any–” “Yes!” Seungcheol's deep voice ripped Mingyu's sentences. Now, the older already raised from his seat, glaring at the younger with indescribable emotions in his glance. “Yes, Mingyu, I want with YN that bad. Yes, that’s the reason why I helped her leave you it’s because I finally got my chance to have her look at me like the way she looked at you, I want her to love me as she loves you. And you know what? I have that chance because you let her go, Mingyu.” 

“...” “I like YN, Mingyu, I always do,” Seungcheol sighs and looks away to the city view. “But I’m never you, I will never be Mingyu that YN loves and I know that. YN never looks at me with so much love like how she looks at you, you know why? Because all her love was on you until you let her go.” “You know I love her,” Mingyu looks at Seungcheol with tears on his face. “You know that but you keep it all from me?” 

Seungcheol sighs slowly. “I’m sorry,”

“How long?” Mingyu asks with a trembling voice, looking to the floor. “How long have you still been in contact with her?”

“Until now,” Seungcheol replies softly. 

Mingyu nods his head slowly. “Is she… okay?” 

“She is good,” Seungcheol nods. “She’s been asking you too.” 

“What did she ask?”  

“She asks about a lot of things,” Seungcheol replies. “Mostly she asked about how are you doing, about your sister, about you handling the tight schedule. She even told me to always warn you about your daily vitamins.” 

Mingyu could only listen with a heart that felt like it was being stabbed by thousands of sharp blades. But besides that, Mingyu felt a bit of happiness amidst the gray sky of feelings.

You're worried. Mingyu knows he's too selfish to think you're still thinking about him, but Mingyu can't lie to himself either. Some nights, while Lisa was fast asleep beside him, Mingyu woke up and looked up at the ceiling with questions in his mind. Oftentimes, Mingyu wonders if you've been thinking about it all along.

While he's in Seoul, looking happy with his choice, how about you in New York? Did you have time to think about him? Did you find your happiness in New York? Does New York treat you?

And hearing that you often ask Seungcheol about him made the man born in 1997 feel a bright spot from these several months full of darkness. Even though the bright spot was a little dim, if Mingyu could be honest, he felt a little more alive than an hour ago.

"Did she miss me?" asks Mingyu in a low voice, head still down and reluctant to look directly into Seungcheol's pair of brown eyes. Yes, Mingyu was reluctant to look at Seungcheol because he already felt his eyes watering.

“She missed you,” Seungcheol nodded his head then smiled bitterly before continuing. “I know she misses you as much as you miss her. I also know that she's not that good, Mingyu. To be honest, I think you are in the same position, you are both in the process of healing your wounds, but on the one hand, I feel you are just starting to feel the loss."

Silence of a thousand languages, Mingyu could only remain silent and stood with his head still lowered. Tears began to fall to the floor slowly and he tried his best to stay standing even though he felt like he would fall at any moment.

“I'm sorry for keeping her departure from you a secret,” For the nth time, Seungcheol sighs. "You deserve to curse me to your heart's content, You may not think I exist, but I ask you not to hate her because she kept her departure a secret from you. All of this was also hard on her control but she keeps trying to be okay with it. Therefore, she asked me not to say a single thing about her departure. She doesn't want you to find herself in that bad condition, she just wants you to see her happy like you are happy with your choice."

Millions of knives seemed to have sliced the flesh from Mingyu's body. 

It was as if a large hand was holding his mouth to speak. Either it's a big hand that is not visible or it could be the pain that holds it. Isn't it funny, that you endure the pain but it's different from Mingyu who is silent because of the pain that keeps him from speaking? More precisely, Mingyu's anger kept him from saying a word. He didn't want to slap Seungcheol, curse at the man, or even ignore him at all. No, that's not what Mingyu wants to do right now. 

All Mingyu wanted to do was beat himself up and curse himself for being stupid.

"She doesn't want you to blame yourself for your decision," as if Seungcheol could read Mingyu's mind, warning the sentence came out of Seungcheol's mouth. "She also doesn't want you to blame yourself for everything that happened, and she wants you to know that she has forgiven you."

"Why did she forgive me?" Mingyu asks softly. "I hurt her, hyung."

Seungcheol shakes his head slowly. "She didn't explain it to me," a lie from Choi Seungcheol's mouth. "It took time for her to open up to me, Mingyu, I don't want to force all the answers from her. From how she told her feelings recently, I can conclude that she has forgiven you and made peace with herself. Therefore, I hope that you have also forgiven yourself and made peace with the reality even though I know it is difficult for you too.”

“Everyone says it,” Mingyu snorts, his anger getting the better of him now and Seungcheol can tell it clearly from his tone. “Everyone says that I have to forgive myself and make peace with myself and reality, but how? How can I forgive myself when I know I'm the one who caused all of this? Because of my foolish decision, I am in this situation–because of that decision I lost the person most precious to me.”

“Be honest,” Seungcheol looked at Mingyu straight. “Be honest with yourself that it's YN in the end, all of this you did for Lisa is just to feed your ego, not love, Mingyu. You are obsessed with the idea of being Lisa's number one helper, you want her to be happy because you couldn't be there for her in the past, Be honest with yourself that you already made a mistake by that.” 

“..” “You also need to be honest with Lisa, you know? You are not only hurting yourself, but you hurt her too if you don’t be honest with her. Tell her about what happened, be honest, and then you can find your closure.” “And what if I don’t get it, hyung?” “You will,” Seungcheol nods and smiles softly. “You will find it, Mingyu, if YN can find her closure because of her love for you, then I know you can do it too.”

Incheon Airport International Departure, VVIP Pass  20.00 KST

“Just this?” 

Mingyu nods and hardly swallows his saliva. “Yes,” “Okay then,” the man looks up and pats his shoulder softly. “I’ll go now, okay? Take care of yourself while I’m gone, don’t do anything stupid, arra?” Again, Mingyu just nods and sadly smiles at that man. “Arra,” 

The man turns his back and drags his suitcase with him. As Mingyu's brown eyes watch the man turning his back, he takes a deep breath before turning his back too. But not even until one minute, Mingyu then turned his back for the second time. 

“Hyung,” 

Hearing Mingyu's voice the man then turns his back and looks at Mingyu with a smirk. “Forget something?” 

“Please tell her that I miss her, so much,” Mingyu said between soft sobs. “Tell her I’m sorry for all of this,” The man who stands in front of him can see pretty clearly how glossy Mingyu’s eyes are. But all he can do just nod and sadly smile at Mingyu. “I will.”  

“Just… tell that I’ll love her forever, please.” 

“Always, Mingyu,” Seungcheol nods softly before throwing a small smile. “Always.” 

Even though he was blocked by the airplane window, Seungcheol still enjoyed the beautiful sunset view. Not once or even twice did he have to spend a long time in the air. It's not the first time he's been able to find views as beautiful as this from a plane.

But somehow, this time--for the first time--Seungcheol felt calm.

The calm that he never thought he would get from the plane. It's a cliché when you think about it, but that's how Seungcheol feels. His head resting on the pillow of his chair with his eyes transfixed by the sight in front of him, Seungcheol felt a calm that he couldn't get on the mainland, especially in the last few days.

Not the last few weeks, but more precisely, in the last few months.

His brown eyes glanced at the cell phone lying next to his glass of red wine when he felt a vibration coming from his cell phone. His lips curved a small smile when he looked at the bubble chat at the top of his notification list.

18.00

Are you already on the plane? Let me know one hour before you land, I'll pick you up. By the way, you didn't forget the snack I asked for did you?

His hand was now holding his cell phone, his fingers nimbly dancing on the touch screen. Typing the words to answer the message that just came in.

18.02

I'm on the plane, ten hours to arrive.

I haven't forgotten your order, miss.

And I brought an important one for you

Less than a minute after the message is sent, he sees that you have read the message. Not even five seconds later he saw three circles indicating you were preparing your reply.

18.02

I thought you told me about Kkuma already. 

A sigh leaves Seungcheol's mouth slowly. He knows very well that you don't expect anything from that person at all. And that's what made the twenty-eight-year-old man even more confused. Seungcheol wasn't sure how to tell you that the important thing he brought you was a letter from the person who was the reason for you moving to New York.

The person who is the main reason why things are complicated as they are now.

But in his mind, Seungcheol knew that he couldn't avoid it and it was time for him to stand where he should be.

Between you and Mingyu. Seungcheol cannot lie to himself. He always likes you, but seeing you and Mingyu like this is also hurting him too. He becomes the witness for you and Mingyu's relationship process. He was there when Mingyu wanted to make the first move, he was also there when you freaked out when Mingyu asked you to date when both of you were deeply falling in love with each other. Then when all of this started to happen, Seungcheol was also the one who witnessed it all. 

He was there when Dispatch released the photo when you broke down into tears. It was fresh on his memory how you cried on his shoulder silently after you told him about the breakup. With his own eyes, Seungcheol witnessed how you try to survive and pretend to be okay. And on the last step, Seungcheol was there too when you bid goodbye to Suhoon, Minseo, and your other colleague at the airport six months ago. 

Not finished on that. 

Seungcheol was also witnessing how Mingyu struggles slowly. Like you, Mingyu may not say it clearly and loudly, but from his actions, his glances, and suddens blank, Seungcheol can read easily that Mingyu faces his endgame. 

And four nights ago, all of Seungcheol's reading was proven. With that, Seungcheol realizes that it’s his time to make the two people he loves happy even when he couldn’t have the one that he wanted. His big hands pull a white envelope from his jacket pocket and place it on the tray in front of him. He flips the envelope before capturing it with his phone and sending it to you

18.04 *A photo sent* This. Read 

18.04 Do you want to open later or should I read it for you and record it?  Read 

18.05  Read it and record for me, it’s okay, oppa. And so, Seungcheol slowly ripped the envelope with more care. He pulls out the letter and some cards that turn out to be Polaroid photos. As his brown eyes look at the photos, he just softly smiles. His mind travels back and thinks about how Mingyu chooses the photos of both of you. Seungcheol knows it was your favorite Polaroid photo with Mingyu. 

Seungcheol then unfolds the letter before pressing the record button on his phone screen. Mingyu’s familiar handwriting was very clear in Seungcheol's visions. After taking a deep breath, Seungcheol opened his mouth and started to read the letter slowly.

Annyeong, YN.

Annyeong, chagi.

At first, I would like to start with congrats you for your scholarship. I know that you can do it from the beginning, chagi! I know you are capable, smart, and worthy of getting that scholarship. Your hard work is paying off, right? Our sleepless night with your thick books, your late-night study, your dozens of glasses of coffee, your cry. 

I wish I was there when you got the acceptance letter. I wish I could see and erase the happy tears that we always talk about. I wish…I can hug you and congratulate you at the moment not in this letter. 

How’s life as a New Yorker, love? Do you eat well? Do you enjoy strolling Central Park on Sunday morning like what you dream of? Do you still buy Pizza from the pizza place I told you before? Are you happy? I hope New York treats you well, love. I hope you can live the life in New York like what you always tell me. I hope you are happy and  I hope New York can heal you from the pain that I caused here. 

Seoul misses you. 

No corner of it didn’t make me remind of you, of us. How we like to stroll around at midnight from one convenience store to another just to find the ice cream that I craved. How we like to have cinema dates without anyone noticing, how we visit museums for hours, and how you let me take photos of you with my camera even when you don’t like to take pictures on. 

I miss it. 

I miss you. 

But I know that it was not for me to miss you. I hurt you, the person that I love the most, so bad with my knowledge. I put someone over you, over us. And there is no day for me to not regret it. If I could turn back time, I will.  I will straightly go to your place without having to ask you how you’ve been after the photos out, I will choose you. I will choose us. 

I will not thank you for letting me love her. Instead, I will fight for you at the moment. I will choose you, over and over again.Now, I only can regret it by not doing all of that. I’m regretting letting my ego take control of me. I regret it to choose someone from my past while I have you in my life, the person I love the most and I promise to protect. 

I’m sorry.

I’m sorry for… everything. I’m sorry that I cannot be with you like I always promise, I’m sorry that I hurt you badly, and I’m sorry for making the wrong choice. I know you will be tired of seeing or even hearing my apologies, but if I could do it a thousand times for you, I’ll do it. I should have known that it was you, I should have told you about what happening and what concerned me and I’m sorry for not doing that. 

I’m sorry that you have to feel all the pain that I gave you just because I want to make someone happy. 

I’m sorry for taking you as granted. I’m sorry that I’m too late to realize it.

Humans only can hope, right? We don't know how the fate will bring us. But I do hope that fate will bring you to the life that you deserve, love.

I hope you can healed and be happy. I hope you can be successful and achieve all your dreams. I hope that one day someone will come for you, love you, and make you the happiest. I hope that person can bring your smile and your laughter instead of making you cry. And I hope so much that he will not hurt you as I did. 

I do hope that maybe in another lifetime, I can protect you from any harm and love you without making you in pain. 

Even from a thousand kilometers from you, please know that I’ll always choose you, and always love you. 

- KMG. 

Sorry for the delay, have been busy with this and that. I think I'm gonna need some time for the last part because it's still grey on my mind and I have not decided if I want a happy or sad ending hehehe... but I'll try to update some oneshot for you (mostly fluff (but we'll see on my mood HAHAHA)), leave up some comments all! <3 - pearls.

[mggsv]

Purple Converse

gn!reader x mgg (fluff)

summary: the first time you saw him was on a Tuesday- your first day. he came into the store smiling despite it being so early in the morning..

warnings: none !

“Excuse me, do you guys have this in a size 11?” You knew that voice, it was Matthew (or so his rewards account said). He held a box up of a purple converse shoe with a small awaiting smile. You smiled back of course, it was your job after all, but one from Matthew was surely contagious.

“Let me check, yeah? I’m sure we do, though.” you chuckle. He nodded, pursing his lips as you took the box.

You leave him be to go to the back of your post. You’ve worked at this shoe store for nearly a year, and you haven’t seen anyone walk in there almost regularly as Matthew. When you first met it had been your first day when he strode in all tall. In fact, he was the first customer to arrive- early in the morning when the store opened. He seemed to be in a hurry as the converse on his feet were about to fall apart. They were red and tied in a way you’ve seen before. With every step you could see the outline of two completely different socks on his feet. What a weirdo, you had thought.

All you could see was his fluffy hair and glasses over the shelves as he went straight for the isle of converse shoes. More people started to walk in and it made you nervous. Before then, all the other jobs you’d have weren’t exactly working with people face to face. Normally you’d be editing or designing some work online as commissions. Only online work, never in person.

With your eyes trained on the man scanning the isle, your hands nervously fidgeted with the name tag on your shirt. Moments later he was in front of you, tapping on the box lightly. “I’d like to get these please” His voice was soft, professional-like. It made your heart flutter in a bit of a panic.

“Oh! yes of- of course. Will that be all sir?” you cleared your throat feeling it run dry. You avoided eye contact with him, and instead grabbed the box to scan it. They were a high top pair of red converses, size 11.

He hummed before grabbing a pack of shoe laces from a rack on the counter. “These too, thank you.”

“Of course” you whispered. After scanning his items and placing them into the store bag. “Do you have a number or an account with us?” You say the words slowly and carefully, the practice you’ve done the night before seemed to vanish. “You can earn points and discounts.” you smile. He nods and leans in very closely- shocking you.

“I’m sorry for the lack of space, i didn’t want anyone else hearing my number out loud.” he giggles before calling out the numbers to you. You nod and pull back slowly to type it into the computer. The name “Matthew Gubler” pops up.

“Well, Matthew, you have a discount for $20 off, do you want to use it today?” You watch him pull out his wallet while shaking his head. “Not today!” he hands you the money and does a little bow before taking off.

“Wait your change-“

“Keep it! See you next time.”

And you did see him next time. It was a week later when he was coming in to get another pair of converse- low top and green. They didn’t have them in stores so he got them ordered and sent to the store for pickup.

When he came in he was all smiles again, this time wearing sunglasses. The store was crowdy. By now you were used to work the register and such so it wasn’t much of a hassle. It was only when that head of hair was in your view and Matthew’s beautiful smile loomed over you that you felt a little nervous. “Hey there Matthew. You..have an order actually.” You click your tongue to pull up his account in the computer.

“That I do. How’s your day going…Y/N?” he reads your name tag.

“Busy much. You?”

“Same here. I’m actually on my way out of town in a few hours for work. Wanted to get my shoes first.” he laughs. You smile and nod, holding up a finger to go and grab the perfectly wrapped box of converse.

“You know, i’ve only ever seen you wear these- or pick them up. How many pairs of converse does one man need huh?” You attempted at joking. Matthew laughed however, taking the box from your hands. “You can’t never have too many. They’re also very comfortable.”

“And the socks?” you pressed, “You’re a bit strange you know?” You check off his order, watching the line pileup behind him.

“I’ll tell you another time, how about that?”

And he did, and your relationship with Matthew started. You anticipated his arrival to the store you worked at. It made you happier. He had told you many things from your small meetings at the counter- what he did job wise, acting (which got you hooked on the show he acted in), painting, directing, being an author too- and a model? You were shocked really, how someone so energetic did so much and still had the time to buy shoes in store whenever he wanted.

You told him about yourself as well, how you’re also somewhat of an artist, and your small hobbies of crafting. You told a lot- from your favorite foods to your favorite style of clothing (his style of course). When you didn’t work you found yourself sitting with Matthew as he tried on sweaters from a thrift store not far from your apartment. If you weren’t thrifting, it was painting pottery with Matthew when he wasn’t working and free, being sure to grab food afterwards and hanging out.

He become an amazing friend to have. You even sat and watched the show he was in together (him laughing while you tried to piece together who the unsub was). You grew closer by the months that passed by. And so did Matthew’s converse collection.

He had FINALLY showed you after a month of asking (and him being away because of work). It wasn’t what you expected however- they were all stacked on top of each up messily with the strings hanging out of them, but ready to be worn. You remember telling Matthew he needed to take care of his shoes and no wonder he came in so much. But in that moment he said something..well, crazy.

“I only came in because just sitting there talking to you would’ve made me look suspicious and kept you from work. I’ve donated lots of these shoes, i wear them, yes, but they don’t last forever.”

The thought made you chuckle to yourself as you reached up and grabbed the size 11 box of purple converse, Matthew’s name written on it from you personally just for the occasion. When you came back to the front he was tracing a picture framed at your station of you two hugging.

“Will this be all?” you held out the box. He straightened up and smiled,

“For now?” he leans in and pecks your lips, “Yeah.”

[laxmiree]

[CN] MLQC Season 2 Chapter 56 Translation [Lucien’s Part]-(1/2)

⚠️  SPOILER ALERT  ⚠️

This post contains a VERY HEAVY SPOILER for the chapter that has not been released in EN yet! Feel free to notify me if there are any mistakes in the translation~

I see your darkness, your failures, your confusion.

Just as I catch sight of the building, my body freezes involuntarily.

The place where the mentor-pupil mission has led us is none other than the former site of the Twin Leaves Orphanage in reality.

Translation under the cut!

[S2 Chapter 56 - Unsolvable Crux]

Some context about this chapter batch! Long story short, MC's Miracle Finder program which is more of a long and traditional TV show is struggling to compete with the popularity of online short videos (cough, funnily, it is almost like Lovepro's current situation in the otome market-), but she still has some time to find ways to make it more popular again before the next meeting with the investor (pretty similar to the start of the main story huh-)

At the same time, Odyssey, a hyper-realistic VR game is currently on hype right now, the game was developed by a company called Infinite, and it can be played with a device called Golden Apple (GA for short). This game lowkey feels like hidden ads for LaDs ngl

✂———————–

—[Chapter 56-8]—

I'm sitting at my desk, playing with the leaves of the green plant on the table, unable to help but sigh again

MC: I can't just chase after streaming platforms and make short videos for the rest of my life, can I.....

...This will only make my company lose its style and be homogenized into one of them.

At present, it seems like there's a new information technology emerging every minute. If we don't seize the opportunity, we'll only be left with the crumbs of others' success. It's just like…

Lucien: “Now, here, you see, it takes all the running you can do to keep in the same place.”

The familiar words echo in my ears, and I can't help but feel a bit dazed. Suddenly, a strange sense of familiarity wells up from within me.

This feeling, where I'm at a loss at the company's situation, seems to have happened in the distant past as well.

The calm, windless afternoon and those ink-like eyes come to mind.

When I was filming the final episode of "Finding Miracles" I was also grappling with decisions about the future, feeling anxious and lost.

At that time, Lucien became my program consultant, and the struggling program suddenly came to life starting from that episode.

I can't help but smile as I find my phone and send a message to Lucien.

MC: Is Consultant Lucien busy? I'm coming over to see you now~

The bright sunlight reflects off the entrance of the Ultima Bioscience Research Institute. As soon as I step out of the car, I see several visitors walking out of the building with gloomy expressions.

Visitor A: Is Professor Lucien such a high-and-mighty figure? Every time we come here, he's never around!

Visitor B: Maybe his research is going downhill at a critical moment? Even his assistant says they don't see him often.

Visitor A: Then he should come out, meet us, and discuss the results. Is it really good to shut himself away and do research like this?

MC: …?

Lucien not seeing visitors? I'm a bit puzzled.

A couple of days ago, when I met him in "Odyssey", he told me that the scanning function in "Odyssey" is very useful, as it helps him transfer data.

Could it be that he's doing closed-door research, so he's not seeing visitors?

I take out my phone in confusion and see that there's no reply to the message I sent him before leaving.

Pete: I'm really sorry, Professors. Next time, when you come again…

No one pays attention to Pete's voice. The visitors get straight into their cars and leave. He awkwardly scratches his head and walks away.

The situation in front of me deepens my confusion. I push open the door to the research room lightly.

MC: Lucien…?

There's no response inside. I stick my head in from behind the door, then pause for a moment in surprise.

I had thought I would see Professor Lucien asleep among the mountains of research reports and experimental data...

...But I didn't expect to see him actually sitting on the visitor's sofa, wearing the third-generation GA device.

At Lucien's feet are some hastily packed fast food wrappers, along with two unpackaged GA helmets.

He leans against the sofa, half of his face obscured by the helmet, devoid of any expression. Only his fingers, which resting on the side, twitch occasionally.

In an instant, I understood why Pete's expression was so complicated.

Who would have thought that Professor Lucien, while shutting himself off from visitors, would be sitting in the research lab playing "Odyssey" so openly!

If I don't go ask Lucien about the situation soon, I feel like I'll become even more worried and confused.

I take a deep breath, take a helmet out of the packaging, sit on the empty experimental bed next to him, and decisively put it on.

✂———————–

The brilliant sunlight warmly bathes a lush green field, and the moist air rushing towards me feels refreshing.

The grass beside me is nourished by the river, lush and abundant. With the river breeze rippling against both banks, the grass sways, gently tickling my calves.

This is Lucien's home in "Odyssey". When it's not busy, I often spend leisurely days here with him.

I look around and quickly spot Lucien sitting by the riverbank. I walk over to him joyfully.

MC: Lu-

Before I can even say his name, Lucien tilts his body slightly and gestures to me.

Lucien: Shh-

With one hand, he stops me from trying to pat him, and with the other, he lifts the fishing rod. As he moves, the water ripples gently.

"Splash!" A fish with golden patterns bursts out of the water, its tail swishing lively, causing water droplets to splash around.

The water droplets slide down his face like morning dew, tracing a meandering path on his handsome features.

Lucien blinks and then looks at me, his lips curling into a smile.

Lucien: [chuckles] Caught it.

—[Chapter 56-10]—

I come out from behind Lucien and poke the lively fish.

MC: What a plump and beautiful fish, I don't think I've ever seen one like this when I go fishing myself!

Lucien chuckles lightly as he unties the fishhook, then puts the fish back into the water, watching as its tail swishes and it swims away into the river.

A notification suddenly pops up.

——————Congratulations to the player [X] for completing the fishing achievement — [Encounter with Golden Marigold Fish].

Next to the achievement page, there's a line of small text that reads, "Congratulations, you are the first player globally to achieve this accomplishment."

MC: Wow, did I just witness the birth of a golden legend?

I gaze at this unheard-of achievement in astonishment, while Lucien maintains an unsurprised expression.

He smiles faintly, reaching out to wipe away a droplet of water that splashed onto my cheek just now.

Lucien: Shouldn't MC also be awarded an achievement — the first player globally to witness the birth of the Golden Marigold Fish achievement?

His banter makes me unable to help but smile. I glance around at the scenery, sighing as I look around.

MC: I never expected that the charm of "Odyssey" would be so great that even Professor Lucien has become an "Internet Addict."

I clear my throat and then nonchalantly add a "harmless" little question.

MC: Lately, it seems like I've been seeing you online often. Is the work at the Ultima Bioscience Research Institute relatively easy?

Upon hearing my little probing, Lucien smiles but doesn't rush to answer.

He stands up and tidies things up, gesturing for me to look towards a nearby location.

Lucien: [chuckles] Before answering that question, do you want to go check out the newly renovated home of an "Internet Addict" first?

MC: Um? Of course, that sounds great~

I never imagined that Lucien had actually expanded a laboratory within his home without me knowing.

The layout, facilities, interior decor, and even the functioning equipment replicated a professional laboratory down to the last detail.

Data and reports are neatly arranged, and as I measure the thickness of one stack of data with my palm, it exceeds the breadth of two hands.

Judging by the thickness of these materials, Lucien seems to have been conducting research in the "Odyssey" laboratory for quite a long time.

MC: While others come into the game to relax, Professor Lucien is actually working in the game. What an exceptional scientist...

Lucien smiles calmly and prepares a cup of hot tea for me.

Lucien: Try it. Does the taste and flavor differ from the real world?

I take the white tea and sip it lightly.

MC: [smiles softly] It seems there's hardly any difference, but I'm not really a tea connoisseur. I just drink it often because of you.

The tea leaves stretch in the boiling water, blurring our views of each other. I lean back on the comfortable sofa, seemingly understanding his implication.

MC: Professor Lucien, do you think since "Odyssey" is so similar to reality, why not explore an "experimental field" in the game too?

Lucien remains silent, seemingly acknowledging. He brews another cup of tea with the tea leaves and places it back in front of me.

Lucien: The laboratory here is quiet enough for me to focus more on my research.

He winks, his gaze gentle and focused, conveying a sense of reassurance to me.

Lucien: And as you've seen, in addition to research, I also casually complete game tasks.

In just a few sentences, Lucien perfectly answers all my questions.

I prop my head up a bit dazedly, pondering. If it's about finding peace and quiet, the Ultima Bioscience Research Center isn't usually noisy.

...Could it be because of those people?

MC: Is it because of the increase in visitors at the Ultima Bioscience Research Center recently? Is it affecting you?

Lucien nods in response to my gaze, reaching out to tuck a strand of hair behind my ear.

Lucien: Recently, we've shifted the research focus to the deterioration disease. Some organizations are well-informed and have been eager to collaborate with me.

I nod in understanding.

In the realm of research, this isn't uncommon, but collaboration means sharing progress and results.

For Lucien, who prefers minimal interference in his research, this is indeed troublesome.

However, is the reason really that simple?

Lucien's demeanor and tone betray no hint of anything unusual, but I can't shake off a lingering sense of unease.

MC: By the way, Lucien.

I rise from the coffee table and move to sit beside him, one hand looping around his arm.

MC: Actually, I'm not at the company right now. I'm at the Ultima Bioscience Research Center, currently in your research lab.

Lucien: It seems that I'm not the only one bringing work into the game.

Facing Lucien's slightly teasing gaze, I bury my head in his chest, breathing in the scent of tea lingering on him.

MC: [in a coquettish manner] …I didn't expect Professor Lucien to still see through me.

Lucien's smile doesn't diminish as he gently strokes the top of my head with his hand.

Lucien: I think it's work time now. A girl who wants to fish wouldn't play "Odyssey" with me so conspicuously.

MC: I do have some problems that need Professor Lucien's advice and assistance.

I peek out from his embrace, tilting my head back to look at him.

MC: How about we talk as we walk? I also want to explore other areas of Professor Lucien's home and see if there are any new changes~

—[Chapter 56-11]—

Lucien pushes open the back door of the laboratory, revealing a glass corridor with a hollow top.

Sunlight filters through the glass, casting mottled light and shadow. His figure appears both real and illusory in the interplay of light and shadow.

I walk hand in hand with Lucien in the glass corridor, pouring out recent work matters in one breath.

MC: ...So, if we just chase after trends like other companies, we'll still end up being left behind in the industry.

MC: After all, I remember from a media class that "homogeneous works will ultimately be eliminated, and innovation is the key to industry development."

Lucien: Your judgment is correct.

Lucien blinks at me in affirmation and then poses a rather “insightful” question.

Lucien: So, what are the plans now?

I pause for a moment, somewhat unconfidently, and share with him several new program proposals that I have been contemplating.

MC: ...I've reviewed these proposals repeatedly. Although the content of the programs is quite interesting, I can't shake the feeling that it's still not enough.

MC: Maybe I should plan a program with more thrilling and exciting scenes…?

Lucien brushes off a leaf that had landed on my head at some point. I take the leaf, twirling it idly in my palm.

Lucien: Before the inception of "Odyssey," none of us imagined that we would be twirling this fallen leaf in a virtual world.

Lucien's calm and composed voice comes through as he touches the fallen leaf along with my hand.

Lucien: Fallen leaves, the air, and us walking…

Lucien: Without mentioning it, many people might forget that all of this is made up of data.

Lucien: The success of "Odyssey" doesn't rely on content but rather on the innovation of its presentation.

Lucien: If you were to just change the content, with your abilities, you'd surely create a buzz, but for discerning viewers…

He smiles slightly, his eyes looking at me with insight.

Lucien: The level of excitement in content has no threshold; as long as there's a lack of "technological" innovation, being replicated and surpassed is just a matter of time.

Lucien: On this point, Miss Producer, you understand it better than I do.

Lucien's words bring to light a thought that I've been vaguely aware of but haven't fully grasped. I blink, feeling a little enlightened.

MC: So, now, rather than pondering new programs, the new program medium is the more important thing?

The pressure before me seems to have cracked open a bit with Lucien's words, but I still find myself anxiously rubbing my hair.

Short videos, with their quick and concise nature, have almost taken over as the predominant form of media presentation in today's world.

MC: What else can be innovated? The "opportunity" won't just fall from the sky.

Our hands interlock as Lucien gently takes mine, and with a breeze, the leaf I had almost forgotten about is swept away, disappearing from sight.

Lucien: Personally, I feel that perhaps we can try to find a blue ocean.*

MC: Blue ocean?

[Trivia: Blue Ocean strategy is a business strategy that involves creating new market spaces and making the competition irrelevant. A current relevant example is Papergames creating Love and Deepspace 😂]

Lucien looks at me with a thoughtful expression, his lips curling into a smile. With his slender fingertips, he smooths out the hair that I had ruffled.

Lucien: For example, in fields like holographic technology and artificial intelligence.

My heart skips a beat.

Indeed, while there have been numerous developments in related fields before, it wasn't until the explosion of "Odyssey" that these two concepts suddenly experienced explosive growth.

From the perspective of a film and television company, this is simply the perfect combination of new technological power and emerging phenomena.

The wind picks up, causing the leaves of the trees to rustle against each other, gracefully taking flight as if nature sings its gentle song.

As I behold the incredibly lifelike natural scene before me, it feels as though a long-standing boulder in my mind is finally starting to shift.

MC: Are you referring to "Odyssey" itself?!

Lucien: It's just one possible direction. "Odyssey" is the firstborn of this blue ocean, overturning and rebuilding many people's preconceptions.

The sunlight filters through the trees, casting scattered patches of light onto the path we're walking on. The slanting rays create specks of orange hues, gently enveloping us like orange veils.

Lucien: Now that we're in the midst of it, it's the best proof of all possibilities.

MC: Combining media with "Odyssey"...

I pause in my tracks, lost in thought. Lucien doesn't interrupt me, waiting quietly by my side.

I raise my head, looking at the sky in "Odyssey," which is indistinguishable from reality. In my mind, several new ideas start to take shape.

Unable to contain my enthusiasm, I leap up and hug him excitedly.

MC: Thank you, Professor Lucien, for answering my questions and clearing up my confusion!

Lucien: Just bringing a bit of research mindset into the discussion. I'd be honored if it was helpful to you.

Lucien lets me hold him and pats my back, his smile deepening.

Lucien: However, we haven't formally confirmed our teacher-student relationship yet, so you can't just casually call me "teacher".

Before I could react, an interface to formalize our mentor-pupil relationship suddenly appeared.

I blush slightly and without hesitation, press the "confirm" button.

At the same time as the system message "You have become a pupil of X" pops up, a mentor-pupil mission suddenly appears in my taskbar.

MC: Huh?

[Lucien and MC get transported]

Xiao Shuai: My friend is the best Xiao Mei in the world. We are happy when we're playing outside, but she's not happy once she gets home.

Xiao Shuai: Can Gege (older brother) and Jiejie (older sister) make Xiao Mei happy?

MC: I thought the mentor-pupil mission would be about technical teaching, but I didn't expect it to be helping children…

Lucien: Does MC prefer to learn technical skills?

MC: No, no, that's too tiring. Let's just help the kids together!

I smile and rub Xiao Shuai's chubby cheeks.

MC: Okay, let's leave it to Gege and Jiejie!

A prominent guiding route on the ground emits a white light. We follow the route and soon reach the end of the road.

Alongside the old gate, the fence entwined with vines is covered with lush green leaves, occasionally dotted with a few wildflowers, giving it a lively appearance.

Several two-story buildings in the courtyard are arranged in picturesque disorder. Although the paint on the walls has faded, it still exudes a sense of warmth and tranquility.

Just as I catch sight of the building, my body freezes involuntarily.

The place where the mentor-pupil mission has led us is none other than the former site of the Twin Leaves Orphanage in reality.

[Trivia: Twin Leaves Orphanage is where MC, Lucien, Kiro, and other kids got experimented as a child]

—[Chapter 56-12]—

As I gaze upon the orphanage in "Odyssey," a chill runs down my spine, and I can't help but tighten the scarf around my neck.

However, unlike the desolate old site in my memory, the NPC children are now playing and frolicking in the courtyard, bathed in warm sunlight.

I tell myself not to overthink it and quickly find several children playing in the corridor to ask about Xiao Mei with Lucien.

Child A: Xiao Mei? I don't know her.

Child B: There doesn't seem to be anyone by that name in our orphanage.

We ask many children, but surprisingly, not a single one knows Xiao Mei. I scratch my head in puzzlement.

MC: Could it be that Xiao Shuai's mission information was incorrect?

Lucien ponders for a moment, then looks towards the teacher who is answering questions for the children at the classroom door not far away.

Lucien: Let's go ask the teacher.

After the children leave, I approach the teacher politely and cautiously start the conversation.

MC: Hello, do you happen to know a student named Xiao Mei? I seem to have found something belonging to her.

Teacher: We don't have a student by that name here. You might have the wrong place.

I stand there puzzled, about to ask for Lucien's opinion, when I turn around and realize Lucien is nowhere to be found.

Before I can even speak to search for him, the door of the adjacent office opens, and Lucien steps out, holding a piece of paper in his hand.

Lucien: I found the student roster from this office.

MC: Pfft…! So Professor Lucien already guessed that the teacher wouldn't be able to provide any useful information, so he pulled a "diversionary tactic*"?

[T/N: "声东击西" is a Chinese idiom that literally translates to "sound from the east, strike from the west." It refers to a strategy where one creates a diversion or distraction to mislead the opponent while executing a different action elsewhere :> ]

Lucien winks at me.

Lucien: Just a small tactic, hopefully it pays off.

As we scan through the long list for a while, we still haven't found Xiao Mei's name. Just as I'm about to give up and look for a guide, Lucien suddenly raises an eyebrow.

Lucien: There seems to be an issue with this list.

MC: What do you mean?

Lucien doesn't reply, but instead, he folds up the list and leads me towards the storage room at the end of the corridor.

After opening the door, a stale smell fills the air in the storeroom, and tiny specks of dust float in the dim light.

Lucien closes the door behind me, and for a moment, the entire room seems to be engulfed in a heavy darkness.

Yet, in the pitch-black, a faint green glow suddenly appears before my eyes.

MC: …This list glows!!

The original text on the list is obscured by the heavy darkness, but the text printed with luminescent material is clearly visible.

MC: "Night Division Roster", Xiao Gu, Mai Mai, Xiao Mei... Found her!

Lucien: It seems my guess was correct.

Lucien: Earlier, I noticed the words "Day Division" on the list under natural light, so I speculated that there might also be a "Night Division" present.

MC: So Xiao Mei appears in the park every evening before dusk and leaves after sunset, not to "go home," but to attend classes in the Night Division?

Lucien: Smart. This should be the reason why no one knew Xiao Mei when we came during the day.

MC: How strange... Why are the children mysteriously divided into day and night divisions?

Lucien walks slowly beside me, seemingly not intending to take further action.

Lucien: Perhaps we'll have answers when night falls.

A slightly cunning smile curves on Lucien's lips, and I instantly understand his intention.

MC: Right, if we wait until it's late and quiet, the children from the Night Division will naturally come for their classes!

The only task now is to wait, Lucien and I hang around, watching as the sunlight gradually shifts towards the west.

MC: I can't shake the feeling that this orphanage mission seems to have some sort of prototype reference... like the mirrored building* we encountered before.

[T/N: MC talks about S2 ch 33]

MC: There's a kind of... indescribable familiarity in my heart.

Lucien: Don't worry, this sense of familiarity might just help us complete the mission.

Lucien gently ruffles my hair and gazes towards the direction of the orphanage, deep in thought.

As night falls and moonlight shines upon the orphanage, Lucien and I hear footsteps echoing in the corridor.

A group of children silently make their way through the long corridor toward the direction of the classroom.

Their shadows elongate in the dim light, devoid of daytime liveliness, only the faint moonlight reflecting their youthful yet serious faces.

As if influenced by this atmosphere, I also lower my voice and whisper softly into Lucien's ear.

MC: Shall we go now?

Just as Lucien and I start heading towards the classrooms, we're suddenly stopped by a security guard.

Security Guard: Sorry, the orphanage is not open to the public right now. Please leave.

MC: We're just…

Before I can finish my sentence, a "Mission Failed" screen suddenly pops up, and Lucien and I are immediately teleported outside the orphanage.

MC: ….??

MC: How did the mission fail already? We haven't even done anything yet!

Lucien: I'm thinking that perhaps there are some "invisible rules" in place at this orphanage at night that we're not supposed to break. Once violated, the mission fails immediately.

Lucien: "Not getting caught by security" must be one of them.

MC: Isn't this too troublesome?

Lucien: With me around, do you still find it troublesome?

MC: Pfft, of course not.

I take Lucien's hand and wink at him.

MC: Then let's solve this small trouble together~

✂———————–

One minute later, Lucien and I find ourselves back in front of the orphanage.

MC: Uh, sorry... I saw a mirror and instinctively looked into it. I didn't realize it would also count as breaking the rules.

Lucien: It's okay. Every failure is an exploration step toward success.

✂———————–

Lucien: I thought solving the puzzle on the blackboard would open a secret door or something like that, but it just attracted the attention of the teacher.

MC: At least the orphanage teacher acknowledged Professor Lucien's math skills…!

After seven or eight attempts at exploration, we finally lurk near the classroom. I open the window and quietly peek inside.

In the dim light, the children sit by the worn-out desks and chairs, attentively listening to the teacher's explanation. There's an eerie and quiet atmosphere in the air.

A sudden horror and chilling feeling rushes through my heart, and I instinctively look towards Lucien, who is holding my hand.

But when I turn around, the first thing I see is not Lucien, but a slightly pale-faced little girl.

She has appeared behind us, seemingly out of nowhere, and is looking up at us curiously.

—[Chapter 56-14]—

MC: Are you X-Xiao Mei...?!

I feel goosebumps all over my body, and my voice trembles as I speak. The little girl nods, and I exchange a glance with Lucien.

We take Xiao Mei out of the teaching building and arrive at the tree next to the garden.

Here, I finally breathe a sigh of relief, looking at the girl in front of me with braided pigtails.

MC: Xiao Mei, your friend Xiao Shuai is very worried about you, so he asked Gege and Jiejie to come and check on you.

I try to talk to Xiao Mei, but she keeps her lips tightly pressed together and glances at me before curling up into a ball, not moving at all.

No matter how I try to talk to her afterward, she ignores me.

Xiao Mei looks much thinner and weaker than children her age. Unlike the lively and noisy children during the day, she appears to be particularly quiet.

Just as I am feeling troubled, Lucien gently calls my name and takes my hand, leading me aside.

MC: What should I do, Lucien? She seems particularly resistant to communicating with me…

Lucien: [gently] I think maybe it's not resistance, but rather she also needs an opportunity to connect with you.

Lucien: When you talk to her, although her reactions are a bit cold, her body always unconsciously moves closer toward you.

Lucien: Rather than resistance, it might be more like "not good at" or "not daring" to communicate with you.

My heart tightens. Could it be that the reason why these children from the Night Division are so quiet... is because of similar reasons?

Children in orphanages are already more prone to feeling lonely than others. A girl who struggles to communicate is even more susceptible to being ignored to some extent.

I should use a more friendly approach and gradually make her feel understood.

Thinking this, I look more carefully at Xiao Mei, trying to find some breakthrough to make her relax

Xiao Mei has her eyes closed slightly, gently burying her head in the slightly worn scarf around her.

MC: Lucien, look at that scarf…?

Lucien also looks over and after a while, he speaks softly.

Lucien: Some children develop a dependency on specific plush items during their growth process, finding a sense of security in them.

Lucien: I think, this scarf might be just that special existence for her.

I look at the curled-up Xiao Mei, feeling a mix of sadness and tenderness. Despite the scarf in her arms being very worn, she still holds onto it dearly, unwilling to let go.

Lucien notices my emotions and tightens his hold on my hands.

I give his hand a firm squeeze back, smile at him, then return to Xiao Mei's side and crouch down again.

MC: Xiao Mei, let me tell you a secret. When I was little, I also received a scarf from someone very important to me.

Xiao Mei doesn't say anything, but she turns her head slightly to look at me. I continue to speak, smiling as I recount distant memories in a soft voice.

MC: I really, really liked that scarf because every time I saw it, it made me feel like that person was still with me.

MC: When I felt lonely or scared, I would hold onto it, and those feelings would slowly disappear, just like magic.

MC: Later on, I would often chat with the magic scarf, and it became my best friend whom I could talk to about anything…

I made up a fairy tale about me and the magic scarf, and Xiao Mei listened attentively, starting to sit up slowly.

When the fairy tale was over, Xiao Mei blinked her eyes and smiled at me for the first me.

I suddenly think of something and take off my scarf, wrapping it around Xiao Mei's neck.

MC: Your scarf must have a lot of power. Now, Jiejie is giving you her scarf too.

I boop Xiao Mei's nose, and she no longer resists my approach.

MC: From now on, Xiao Mei has two powers to protect her. So she doesn’t need to be afraid of anything.

Xiao Mei looks at me, blinks her eyes, and the next moment, she starts sobbing softly, as if she had been suppressing it for a long time. She doesn't cry loudly, just hugs me tightly.

Lucien bends down a bit and gently strokes Xiao Mei's head.

Not long after, Xiao Mei takes out a sketchbook. As she writes and draws, she tells her story bit by bit. Finally, we can piece together the truth.

It seems that from a long time ago, the children in the orphanage have been divided into a day division and a night division based on their physical condition and performance in the orphanage.

From the beginning, the two divisions just have different schedules, but gradually it evolves into differences in meals, dormitories, and the attention they receive.

Nowadays, the children in the night division seem to have become an "invisible" group in this orphanage, as no one ever casts a glance their way anymore.

Although Xiao Mei doesn't understand the reason, she knows that she and her friends in the night division all dislike this kind of life.

She wants to escape, to be under the sunlight with the other children, but she's powerless to do so alone.

After settling Xiao Mei with Lucien, I stomp my foot indignantly.

MC: They're all children, why do these people treat them differently?!

Lucien takes the drawing Xiao Mei handed to us and ponders for a moment before speaking lightly.

Lucien: I'm afraid it's not just emotional discrimination that's at play here.

Lucien: Emotional neglect alone wouldn't warrant them going to such lengths to establish this system, so I suspect there may be deeper interests at play.

MC: Are you suggesting that the children in the night division might be exploited by the orphanage?

Lucien nods, gently taking my slightly cold hand and rubbing it, a gentle yet firm smile on his lips.

Lucien: [smiles gently] Whatever it is, it will be resolved tonight.

[Next Part-> Click Here]

[runicmagitek]

Recovery Your PC/Device needs to be repaired The application or operating system couldn't be loaded because a required file is missing or contains errors. Error code: CRITICAL PROCESS DIED You'll need to use recovery tools. If you don't have any installation media (like a disc or USB device), contact your PC administrator or PC/Device manufacturer.

Click Reload This Page to try again Click BSoD to enter Recovery Environment Click Close to shutdown system

A collection of standalone ficlets for @whumptober , featuring alternate scenes and what-if scenarios. Chapter-specific CWs/tags are listed in notes. Individual chapter links listed below.

scan() Miyuki finally comes back online. (Miyuki)

Day 1: race against the clock | search party | panic attack | "If only we could hold on."

firewall() Yuki has learned too much. (Yuki, Aiba)

Day 2: trust issues | "You got away with the crime while the knife's in my back."

memory() Same shit, different lifetimes. (2188!Natsuno, 2188!Yuki, Natsuno, Yuki)

Day 3: set up for failure | "I warned you."

copy() Chihiro isn't alone. (Chihiro x2)

Day 4: hallucinations | sensory deprivation | "You're still alive in my head."

overheat() It was supposed to be a quick research trip. (Tamao, Ei, Iori, Gouto)

Day 5: sun burn | heatstroke | "If my pain will stretch that far."

delimiter() Nenji said he didn't give a shit about his limits. (Tomi, Nenji)

Day 6: not realizing they're injured | unhealthy coping mechanisms | "It's not my blood."

quarantine() The infection reaches the space colony. (2188!Takatoshi, 2188!Izumi, 2188!Ei, 2188!Natsuno)

Day 7: only for emergencies | "It's us or them."

hibernate() The only one way to stop the nightmares. (Shu, Juro, Iori)

Day 8: sleep deprivation | forced to stay awake | "Leave the lights on."

reimage() Ida must bring her back to life. (Ida, Tomi)

Day 9: obsession | broken window | bruises | "Frame me up on the wall, just to keep me out of trouble."

overload() Juro knew the risks when piloting a Sentinel. (Juro)

Day 10: blow to the head | passing out from pain | "I can't think straight."

delete() Ryoko must destroy every trace of him. (Ryoko, Ida, Shu)

Day 11: seeing double | loneliness | "Leave no trace behind, like you don't even exist."

batteryreport() Natsuno can't hold out for much longer. (Natsuno, BJ, Yuki)

Day 12: starvation | "Just a little more."

lock() Everyone was eager to return to the simulation. (Ei)

Day 13: team as a family | familial curse | multiple whumpees | "Death will do us part."

taskkill() He's taking his sweet precious time killing her. (2188!Morimura, 2188!Ei)

Day 14: left for dead | blackmail | "Because I want you to know what it feels like to be haunted."

buffer() Juro is late to dinner. (2188!Megumi, 2188!Juro)

Day 15: childhood trauma | painful hug | moment of clarity | "I did good, right?"

cut() Keitaro pushes himself too far. (Keitaro, Natsuno)

Day 16: necrosis | wound cleaning | "No, I can't feel anything."

missingBIOS() They won the battle, but… (Takatoshi, Tomi, Iori, Gouto)

Day 17: nowhere else to go | shipwrecked | "We had a good run."

chgusr() Megumi will bring back Juro. (Megumi, Juro, Fluffy)

Day 18: revenge | unreliable narrator | loss of identity | "I see what's mine and take it."

reboot() When everything goes dark. (Iori)

Day 19: one way out | "Is there anybody alive out there?"

accept() Miwako can't do this anymore. (Miwako, Iori, Tomi, Gouto)

Day 20: emotional angst | shoulder to cry on | giving permission to die | "It's not your fault."

malware() He refused to go down without a fight. (1la!Takatoshi, Okino)

Day 21: body horror | spirit possession | "Let the bedsheet soak up the tears."

diagnostic() He promised it wouldn't hurt. (Okino, Keitaro)

Day 22: bleeding through bandages | reopening wounds | "Oh that's not good."

shutdown() Everything he did was for her. (Morimura, Izumi)

Day 23: forced choice | public display | broken pedestal | "I'm doing this for you."

recursion() Over 300 loops cause technical difficulties. (Gouto)

Day 24: collapsed building | equipment failure | "I never knew daylight could be so violent."

CAPTCHA() They shouldn't be here. They should be dead. (BJ, 1la!Tamao)

Day 25: surgery | being monitored | "It's for your own good."

cache() She's sick of not knowing, but also of remembering. (Ryoko)

Day 26: nightmares | breakfast table | parting words of regret | "I'm haunted by the lies that I have loved, the actions I have hated."

mute() After a while, Ida just does it for fun. (Izumi, Ida)

Day 27: voiceless | laboratory | "I have no mouth and I must scream."

decrypt() Keitaro discovers Morimura's secret. (Keitaro, Ei - 2188)

Day 28: denial | CCTV | exposure | "They caught me red-handed."

overclock() It's happening again. And again. (Nenji, Tomi, Takatoshi, Okino)

Day 29: fatigue | labyrinth | burnout | "Who said you could rest?"

chkdsk() Natsuno goes missing again. (Natsuno, Keitaro, Yuki)

Day 30: recovery | hospital bed | holding back tears | "What have I done?"

safemode() At least the worst is over. (Tamao)

Day 31: asking for help | making amends | "I'm alive, I'm just not well."

[lfghughes]

Key To My Heart

a/n: i somehow ended up writing a lot more than expected ooops

warning: cursing

Long distance relationships were not easy, that was something you came to find out very quickly. It’s not that you and Kirby had any kind of fights about it or that there were any kind of trust issues. You just hated the fact that when you wanted to go home to your boyfriend after a long day he wasn’t there. There was no doubt that he felt the same way. It didn’t help that on top of that he had a busy schedule so there were certain periods of times where you barely talked or would have to wait until very late at night to talk.

The reason right now that you were living apart was he clearly had his team he played for but you were still going to school and you didn’t want to switch to online since you only had so little time left in school. So you both had decided that for right now this is what worked. This was your last semester though and neither of you really had the talk of what comes next.

You didn’t want to assume you were just going to move there and you decided to see if it was something he would bring up so you wouldn’t feel like you were pressuring him in any way to make a serious move. It was your spring break though and you wanted to surprise him at one of his games.

How you managed to keep it a secret, you had no clue. You were so excited about it and you had almost spoiled the surprise yourself a few times just while on the phone with him. To get there and surprise him would require a lot of planning and reaching out to his friends and teammates and they were all very eager to help. This involved a little white lie too. So he wouldn’t think something bad happened to you because you were having to travel and not talk a whole lot you had told him you’d be taking some before spring break exams.

At the arena, the boys and some of the staff had managed to secure you a pretty good spot to where he would be able to see you but just in case you made a sign for him that you had spent a lot of hours decorating. As soon as he skated out for his warm ups he had taken a total of two laps and when his eyes scanned the crowd before him, his eyes fell on you for a second before it turned to someone else and then right back to you.

“You’re fucking kidding me.” You could see him mouth the exact words but the smile on his lips said he was more than excited to see you. He skated on over and waved at you. He then pointed towards the tunnel he headed out from to where you knew the locker rooms and all the staff would be. You understood what he was saying so you found a staff member and quickly let them know the situation and after confirming that it was okay for you to go back there you went to meet Kirby.

There were no words as he walked over straight to you, lifting you up in his arms in a tight hug. “Are you kidding me?? How did you get here?? Your exams?? What?? Did the guys know about this? Is this why they were being suspicious all day?” There were so many questions and you couldn’t help but laugh at all of them. “Surprise! It’s spring break so I figured I’d come over for the week.” A look of realization came on his face as he held his hand up like he was trying to pause the conversation.

“I have to go grab something from the locker room, give me a second.” He quickly headed back around, leaving you confused as to what he was getting. When he came back he had a little black box and no not the kind that had a diamond ring in it so you knew he wasn’t about to randomly propose in the back of the arena. “I know school is ending soon for you and you don’t have to say yes because I get it’s asking for a lot for you to move out here for me but here’s the key to my place.”

You were surprised that he had gone and made a key for you and even though you still had a month before school ended you were already excited about this future. “It’s a yes, for sure a yes. I mean as long as you’re okay with coming home to me every night.” You told him and he smiled at you and thought of that. “I’m more than okay with that.”

[elementary-my-dear-daddy]

Earning Your Keep

Analogical (Virgil & Logan)

This story will be a series for the sugar daddy idea i've had running around in my head for some time now lmao. I really hope you guys like it since I enjoy writing it :)

Read it on AO3!

Virgil likes to take care of those he holds close, and maybe also a stranger that offered him a ride home.

Virgil was never rich. His family was big and his parents couldn’t make very many ends meet for most of his life, leading him to work his way through school. Once he graduated with a bachelors in psychology, he picked up two jobs to start paying off his loans, one in retail which drove his mental health into the ground, and the other as a behavioral health tech at a rehab center, which only had night-shift positions open and kept him up all night. He was paid and treated like shit, and on the cusp of breaking down when he got extremely lucky. For his 27th birthday he got the usual card with a cheesy message from his grandparents, but instead of the typical twenty bucks or a gift card, he found a lottery ticket sitting neatly inside. He didn’t think much of it, handing it over to the convenience store clerk when he was picking up an energy drink before his next shift.

“I don’t think this is worth anything, but if it has anything on it can I just use it to pay for this?” Virgil put his drink on the counter while the clerk scanned the ticket.

“Woah, woah. Oh my god.” 

“What?”

“Dude, you just won.”

“Huh?” Virgil knit his brow in confusion. He glanced over at the cashier’s screen, noticing the rather large number it displayed.

“Yeah, you won the jackpot! It’s over like 200 million! Holy shit! Here, sign it and take it to a lawyer!” The person handed him back the slip of paper and a pen. Virgil’s brain had short-circuited, causing him to just follow instructions. He didn’t really understand what was happening, so he just took the ticket back and walked out and back to his car, driving straight home and immediately typing ‘what to do if you win the lottery’ into his computer.

A bunch of results came up saying a bunch of stuff- tax experts, lawyers, and a bunch of steps that caused Virgil to lay down on his bed and rock back and forth for a little while. He didn’t believe this was happening to him. Maybe it wasn’t real? This was just a nightmare right? A really good bad nightmare.

All the things he saw online said not to tell anyone, but he couldn’t just sit there not making a decision. He picked up the phone and dialed the only person he knew who could possibly help him out.

~~~~~~~~~~

“You what ?” Janus’ voice hissed through the speakers on Virgil's phone, “Is this some weird joke, because it isn’t landing well.”

“No, no, I promise it's real, I-I checked and the numbers match up and I verified it at the gas station and, and-”

“Virgil, breathe. Calm down. I’m coming over so we can talk. I’ll help you get this figured out, and make sure you aren’t having delusions of grandeur.” Janus sighed, “I’ll be there in 10.”

Janus was over shortly, Virgil working with him to figure out the next course of action. Everything was going so fast. The next day Janus helped him set up meetings and accounts, and get lawyers and a budget going. The week flew by in between the contracts and calls. Even the next few months seemed to go by in a blur of bureaucratic processes. 

The first thing he did was set his parents up with a decent place to live and help them with their debts and medical bills. He did the same for himself, getting his student loans paid off finally and allowing himself to move into a spacey yet cozy penthouse. He quit both his jobs, but tried to end on a good note with his boss at the clinic in case he did ever want to go back. He was, probably for the first time in his life, comfortable.

~~~~~~~~~~

Time kept passing and Virgil had to now figure out what he wanted to spend his time on. He’d picked up his passion for music again now that he could afford nice equipment, but never had the intent to go anywhere with it. He looked into some online classes he could take, just for fun and to keep his mind stimulated. He even worked with Janus and some of his lawyers to start a charity for helping disabled students with loans that didn’t have the luck that he had. That was as close to a job as he had, once they had an office set up he made a regular schedule to help sort things out with it.

The routine he made helped him adjust to his new life. Getting up, going to the office, processing applications, working on his classes and playing music. He didn’t really spend his money anymore beyond his needs. Nothing fancy brought him much happiness. He didn’t host parties or have many friends that hung out with him before he became well off. He’d tried to go on a few dates, but the people he’d seen either knew him from the news when he originally won or they’d act disinterested until he brought up his money. The one time he actually thought he’d found someone he was interested in, the guy had thrown a fit that he wanted to end their 3rd date early to not have a panic attack.

They went to a planetarium, which for the most part Virgil enjoyed, but the segment about how small of a spec the earth was in the grand scheme of the universe triggered the existentialist anxiety of dying alone and not mattering. He had to run out and go calm down, but that proved difficult with his date shouting.

“Do you know how fucking rude it is to just run out on your date? I had to pay for these tickets, you know, and they aren’t cheap!”

“I-I know, i’m sorry, I can, um, here I’ll pay you back-” Virgil started to reach for his wallet.

“Whatever, it’s fine, let’s just see if they’ll let us back in, cmon.” The guy tugged at Virgil’s arm.

“Um…Actually I was wondering if…s-sorry uh, could- could we just go home?”

“What, are you not having a nice night? You could at least not waste my time, you know.” 

“I know, I'm really sorry, we should- maybe, uh… you can go and I’ll just head home and call an uber-”

“Ugh are you serious?” His date frowned, “You know what? Just go, I don’t wanna deal with this anymore. Don’t call me again, we’re done.” 

He watched his date head back into the planetarium and sighed, resigning himself to a bench outside to shake off the rejection. He shivered as a spike of anxiety hit him. He had to count his breaths, but it wasn’t working. He was gonna end up alone and live a completely inconsequential life that had no impact whatsoever and-

“Are you alright?”

Virgil looked over at a man a few feet away from him. He stood tall, sporting glasses and a polo with the logo of the planetarium. Virgil didn’t couldn’t quite make out the name on the man’s name tag through his watery eyes. Oh shit, was he crying? No no no this couldn’t happen in public, he was a grown man crying in public-

“Oh, apologies, I didn’t mean to startle you. I just thought I should intervene.” The man looked at Virgil with concern, “May I sit?”

Virgil nodded, easing slightly as he did. He took a shaky breath and wiped away his tears, “I-I’m so-sor-ry. I could-n’t stay in there. S-sorry.”

“There’s no need to apologize, take as much time as you need to gather yourself.” He spoke calmly. His tone comforted Virgil enough to steady his breathing and collect his thoughts.

“I’m…I’m good. Sorry.” Virgil sighed, “Just had a shitty date.”

The man frowned, “I see. Was he your ride home?”

Virgil nodded, “Figured I’d just get a cab or something.”

“Don’t waste your money, my shift just ended. If you’re comfortable with it I’d be happy to offer you a way home.”

“No no I can’t, I mean- It’s fine it’s not like money’s the issue I just don’t wanna leave him here alone.”

“After he just left you?” 

Virgil looked towards the doors of the planetarium. He slumped his shoulders in resignation, “I guess you’re right.”

“I don’t mean to intrude on your personal affairs, but he is not worth your time if he does not respect your boundaries, and I don’t feel comfortable leaving you in a potentially unsafe environment. I would feel much more assured if I knew you returned home unharmed.”

“Fuck it, ok.” Virgil sighed. He looked over at the man and was able to see him a little more clearly. His name tag attached to a Dr. Who lanyard read Logan in bold font. He looked rather lanky and had bags under his eyes comparable to Virgil’s own.

“Would you like another minute to calm down or would you like to walk with me to my car now? I don’t mind waiting.”

“Uh, no, we can go now. Th-thank you, um, Logan.” Virgil offered a half smile.

“Of course, uh…”

“Virgil.”

“Virgil.” The man- Logan, stood up and motioned for the other to follow him.

Virgil stood and accompanied him to the car. It wasn’t the fanciest thing in the world, far from it. It looked like one of the windows had been punched out and was covered with cardboard and duct tape. It looked like an older car, and when they got in Logan had to start the engine a few times before it actually got running. 

“Please excuse the state of my car,” Logan said pulling his seatbelt on, “I’d fix the window on my own if I could but I’ve been too busy to do so. Here, do you mind putting your address in so I can get directions?”

Logan handed Virgil his phone, the other quickly inputting the info and handing it back. Virgil fastened his own seatbelt as they drove out of the parking lot.

“So, you work at the planetarium?”

“My shirt indicates so.”

“Right.” Virgil nodded, “What started that?”

“I needed a part-time job to work during nights while I attended college. I studied astronomy and a professor recommended applying for the position. The job just stuck after I graduated.” 

“That sounds pretty cool. You get to go to all those shows, right?”

“No, I get to sit in the ticket booth.” 

“Oh.” Virgil looked out the window as they drove, “I didn’t realize.”

“It's alright,” Logan said, shrugging, “I’ve seen them all anyway, when I had more free time.”

“You can’t take a day off?”

Logan’s lips pursed, “Not really. I work two other jobs.”

They both spent the rest of the ride in silence until the car approached the area where Virgil lived.

“You…live over here?” Logan questioned, looking around at the tall, well-kept buildings of the city.

“Um, yeah. I guess.” Virgil sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck, “I moved here a few months ago. Doesn’t feel like it though.”

Logan hummed in acknowledgement, still looking around at how different this place seemed compared to where he lived. He pulled up to a decorative building with too many stories to count from his view. He parked the car and turned to Virgil.

“Thank you for allowing me to take you home. I’m sorry you had a rough night but hopefully you’ll find someone else that will accommodate your needs appropriately.” Logan offered a smile.

Virgil returned it, before clumsily reaching to take off his seatbelt and pull out his wallet, “Uh, here.”

He offered a wad of cash to Logan, who in return pushed it back, “No, please don’t worry about covering gas. It isn’t far from my-”

“Take it. Get your window fixed too. And if you need anything else just, um, give me a call or something. Thanks again, Logan.” Virgil said, getting out of the car and shutting the door.

Logan watched him greet the doorman (his building had a doorman?) and head to his apartment, before staring down at the cash. It added up to about $350, plus Virgil's business card. He blinked and debated trying to go after him, but decided he wouldn’t be able to find him since he didn’t know which apartment was his. He pulled out his own wallet and stuffed the cash inside. The card Virgil had given him had his name and number, along with the name of a charity Logan heard the name of a few times from the news. This was too much to process, so Logan just put the card in with the cash and drove home. That was a problem for someone much more well rested.

~~~~~~~~~~

Virgil flopped down on his bed as soon as he got home. He pulled out his phone and immediately blocked his date’s number, writing him off as just another insensitive asshole trying to take advantage of him. He let his mind relax in the safety of his home and tried to just forget about tonight. Except Logan. He couldn’t get him out of his mind.

Working two jobs had Virgil on the verge of a panic attack almost every night, he couldn’t imagine working three like Logan had. And how long had he been driving that car? Wasn’t it dangerous to drive when your engine doesn’t turn over and you don’t have a window? Those bags under his eyes, was he not sleeping well? Was the money he gave him enough to cover everything? 

Virgil exhaled through his nose and flipped onto his back. These were morning problems. Or at least wake up at 3 am and worry about life problems. He glanced at his clock- 10:30. Definitely something to deal with tomorrow.

[universe-friday]

EXCERPT #4:

Hello. I hope somebody is listening.

[...]

Let me tell you, old sport. This past week has been… odd.

Remember that call from K? That cut me short? He called to ask if I wanted to join him for his patrol that night…

My parents always reinforced stranger danger when I was a kid, but when you end up in the City, that rule flies out the window. So, naturally, I agree to meet up.

It wasn’t as if I had never talked to the guy. I just didn’t know what to expect. I’ve certainly heard bad reviews of the online dating scene around here… who taught the cyborgs to catfish?

But I digress. K asked to meet on some rooftop, not one which I’ve ever been on before. I presume he must have tough security… to keep up the anonymous identity. 

As I emerge on the rooftop, I am greeted - not by K - but by his setup. Multiple monitors of hacked CCTV footage, numerous pages of scribbled notes in writing, all without a desk for it to stand on. As I ponder over this… floor setup… it is only when I peer to my left that I see him.

He crouches on the edge of the roof, a dark figure; a moving shadow. His head peers from left to right, back and forward, scanning the streets carefully. I don’t think he noticed me come in until I cleared my throat.

When he turns around I am still greeted by that same black figure. I just about can’t make out his face… with a mask and a hood, he remains anonymous, even to the human eye.

His energy immediately catches me off guard. He walks over to me, and, chipper as ever, holds out a hand and he awkwardly initiates some handshake I was unable to follow along with.

The night was normal, for the most part. He walked me through his setup and I got to experience how he patrols first hand.

[...]

As we’re wrapping up for the night, with the sun rising in the distance and students stumbling home, K turns to me. He told me that, even though the sun is returning, the clubs haven’t gone yet - and they won’t be for 30 more minutes. He decided to ask if I wanted to join him… on, what he describes as his, ‘end-of-patrol party’... which he does daily.

Old sport, if I were to tell you anything, it’s that I hate these clubs.

Sticky floors, deafening electronic music, sweat, spilt drinks on your favourite clothes… I’ve never understood the appeal.

Despite this, I agreed to go. What’s 30 minutes anyway?

To answer that question, a lifetime.

Immediately as we get in, K heads straight for the bar, orders two drinks and hands me one. I didn’t know what it was… and I still don’t know.

K begins to dance and jump about like crazy… and there I am, still as a tree.

The music just goes through me… in all the worst ways possible. It’s scratching at my ears… it makes my head pound. I was already sick of it.

I turn to K - who’s still very enthusiastically jumping around - and, as best and loud as I can, tell him I feel ill. I tell him I’m heading out.

He assures me I’ll be fine with some drink in me. That it’ll get my… ‘dance on’ and I’ll immediately feel better. I tell him otherwise, but he persists.

I decided to leave without saying anything.

He calls me the next night, asking if, ‘We good?’, in his words.

I decided to say yes. Despite everything from the previous night, just to assure him.

He once again invited me to patrol that night. I respond, ‘Just patrol.’

[..]

K finishes patrol early that night so we can hang out. As I am about to ask what he has in mind, he interrupts, telling me we have the ‘privilege’ to spend a whole hour in clubs this time.

I sigh and show my reluctance, suggesting a park, or maybe a cafe, as they are just now opening up for the morning.

He tells me he doesn’t see how that’s fun. He insists on the clubs. Will even buy me a drink, he says.

I tell him no. He doesn’t accept any of my explanations, which he deems ‘excuses;. I leave. I haven’t spoken to him since.

The phone box rings endlessly, and I’m searching for a new hiding spot. There are very few that allow you to hide from the monsters, but even fewer to hide you from Nightcrawler himself.

What am I to do, old sport?

[...]

[a-crumb-of-whump]

A New Beginning #10: Needs To Know

Masterlist

Content: Multiple caretakers, non-human whumpee, human caretaker(s), [mentioned/implied] non-con, photographed without consent, [implied] PTSD/trauma, [mentioned] starvation, recovery.

-

“It’s finally open!”

Adam laughed, tagging along behind Ryker as he excitedly pulled him towards the new toy store that had finally opened about a week ago. From what they’d been able to make out online, it had a lot of fidget/stim toys and Ryker was more than ready to add to his collection, despite having virtually no space left for them.

He had to admit, it was a pretty little store. There was very little in terms of things he personally enjoyed, but Ryker was already headed straight for table with the fidget toys on them; practically bouncing the entire way. It was like watching a child find their way around a candy store.

“See anything you like?”

“Are you kidding? I want it all.” As soon as Adam stepped in closer to him, Ryker grabbed him by the hand and held on to it; biting his lower lip. “This was a terrible idea. Gonna walk outta here with nothing left in the bank account and a whole lotta toys.”

Adam rolled his eyes and reached out to grab the rope of a feather-shaped chew necklace. “Don’t be so dramatic. It’s all cheap. Grab what you want. I get paid tomorrow anyways. Do you think Carlos would enjoy something like this?” He held it out to him. “Might stop him from chewing on his sleeves so much.”

“Yeah, it might!” the taller one of the two chirped. Then he turned to look at Adam again, as if trying to get a sense of his tone. Adam found that sometimes he couldn’t tell, nor could he identify sarcasm or jokes when other people made them. It’d gotten worse over the past year or two, but he knew it’d always been there.

“Can I really get what I want?”

Adam shrugged. “Sure. Maybe try and keep it under twenty dollars, but I’m not gonna be mad if you go over. Besides, you’ll have heaps of new stuff to show Carlos when we get home.”

After excitedly fist-bumping the air, he dove right back into the toys; picking out every colour he liked and gawking over the amount of toys there were that he’d never even seen before. If it weren’t for the fact that he kept turning around and showing Adam everything he picked up, he could have sworn the guy had forgotten he was even there.

It must have been nearly forty five minutes of wandering the toy store and chatting to the worker before Ryker finally announced that he was ready. By then, he had both his hands full with toys and a sheepish grin on his face as he sidled up to the counter to pay for them.

“Carlos is gonna love these,” he said confidently, already placing each toy inside the bag as she scanned them. “Maybe I should make a communal area for my toys so he can use them, too?”

Adam raised an eyebrow. “Are you sure? You’re usually super cagey about people touching them.”

“Yeah! I mean – usually I am, yeah, but this is Carlos. I trust him.” He shuffled back and forth on his feet for a moment, as if contemplating what to say next. “Plus… it’s kinda nice having someone around that understands the enjoyment of these kinds of things. I love you, but you’re kinda boring.”

“Me?” Adam sputtered. He could hear the woman behind the counter snickering. “Boring? I think not.”

Ryker leaned down to kiss his temple. “Of course not.”

After they’d finished paying, the two placed their stuff in the car and made a quick trip to the post office to pick up a package that had arrived several days ago. It was addressed to Ryker, who decided to open it before they headed home.

Despite not looking over at him, Adam could practically feel Ryker’s body stiffening the moment he read the note that was attached to the inside of the box.

“Who’s it from?”

“My dad,” he answered, voice lowering a little in volume as he placed the note down and slowly began to examine each of the things inside the box. There were several scrapbooks and dozens of loose photographs inside, all facing downwards. As soon as he flipped the first one over, Adam felt his stomach lurch.

Ryker’s balled up hands shook as he looked at each of the photos, one by one. Each of them involved Carlos, either restrained in some way or so beat up that he couldn’t have made it too far anyway. He had no clothes on in any of them, and there was blood splattered everywhere. All the photos seemed to have a similar theme. In some of them, he had a gag in his mouth. In others, it was a muzzle that clearly burned wherever it touched him. Despite the vampire’s inability to be affected by drugs, he looked as if he’d been given something.

Maybe it was just the lack of food.

Adam reached out to take Ryker’s hand into his own, slipping his fingers between his larger ones in an attempt to gain his attention. “I think we need to put them away.”  

 “Fucking monster.” Ryker put the now-crumpled photos back into the box and tossed it into the back seat. Adam could see his face getting redder and redder with every passing minute, and he wasn’t sure how to help. “How can anyone be that fucking cruel? I didn’t-“

He suddenly paused, as if trying to compose himself before he started talking again. Adam heard him suck in a breath before releasing it again; the hand that was in his never loosening.

“I knew he liked hurting him, but I had no idea about the photos he took of him when he did. Some of them look like they were taken recently. Like… a-week-before-I-picked-him-up recent. What am I supposed to tell him when we get home? ‘Hey, there’s a box in the back of my car with a heap of vulnerable photos of you in it’?”

“We’ll figure that out. Carlos isn’t expecting us home for another hour, so how about we buy some food and sit by the water for a while? Might help you to clear your head a bit before we head back.”

After a long pause, Adam felt Ryker lean his head on his shoulder and wordlessly nod; huffing slightly under his breath. “Do you feel like ice cream?”

Adam snorted. “Sure.”

-

Carlos was curled up on the couch with the animals when the humans finally arrived home almost an hour later.

“Good afternoon!” he chirped, a lazy smile on his face as he waved at them from under the quilt that was usually draped over the side of the couch. He made a brief attempt to crawl out from underneath the pets but the weight of them kept him grounded, so he was forced to greet them from afar. “Did you have a good time?”

“We most certainly did,” Adam answered on his way to the kitchen. “Ryker got a heap of new things for you both to use.”

The vampire immediately lit up and turned his attention back to Ryker, who offered a smile of his own the moment he saw that he was looking at him. “Really? Like what?”

“Do you remember when I showed you all the stress toys I have in my cupboard? Well, I found a new place that’s opened up that sells them, so I may have gone and bought a heap of stuff. Including this necklace,” he said as he reached into the bag. As soon as he handed it to him, Carlos took it and smiled; commenting on how pretty it is.

“You think so? Well, then it’s both aesthetically pleasing and useful. We got it for you to chew on. Thought it might help stop you from chewing on your sleeves so much.”

Carlos tilted his head. “Does it work?”

“Sure! Lots of people use them, especially those with anxiety. You don’t have to use it like that if you don’t want to, but we saw it and thought it might help you.”

Much to Ryker’s delight, Carlos seemed to love it. He slipped it around his neck and tucked it inside his shirt, admitting that he wanted to keep it clean while he cuddled with the animals. The rest of the toys were tucked safely away inside the cupboard that held all Ryker’s other things until he was able to find a communal area to put them in.

“So…”

Ryker jumped the moment he heard Adam’s voice from the bedroom door. He sat up a little and glanced over at him, just to see him leaning against the doorframe with a hand on his hip.

“You gonna talk to him about those photos?”

“No.”

Adam raised an eyebrow. “Why not?”

Slumping back against the headboard once more, Ryker pulled his favourite pillow close to his chest and continued to squeeze the pink stress ball in his hand. Though he tried his damn hardest not to let it show, he felt sick. Through all the years that he’d been alive, he’d never known that his father had evidence of the things he’d done. The implications of several photos within that pile weren’t lost on him either. He knew Carlos had been assaulted a lot over the years, both physically and sexually, but he hadn’t realised his own father had contributed to that.

“He doesn’t need to know about those photos,” the human muttered. “Not yet.”

“I think he does need to know-“

“Not yet,” he insisted, firmer this time. “I will tell him when I feel it’s right, but not right now. That fucker has hurt him enough.”

Adam was uncomfortably tentative as he sat down beside him on the bed and let one of his hands come to rest on his thigh. “How would you feel if someone did that to you?” he asked quietly. He no doubt felt Ryker stiffen irritably beside him the moment he asked. That was enough of an answer. “I know you’re doing your best, my love, but this – no matter how hard the conversation may be – is something he deserves to know.”

He was right. Deep down, Ryker knew he was right, though he hated to admit it. The idea of ruining the streak of good days Carlos had been having lately saddened him immensely.

But he was right.

“…I’ll talk to him tomorrow.”

Adam pressed his forehead into Ryker’s shoulder and squeezed his thigh. “Thank you. I’m proud of you.”

Ryker merely grunted in response.

-

Taglist: @alexkolax @emcscared-whumps @espresso-depresso-system @inkkswhumpandstuff @pigeonwhumps @pumpkin-spice-whump @roblingoblin285 @sacredwrath @stabby-nunchucks @thingsthatgo-whump-inthenight @trans-writes @whump-blog @whumpshaped @whumpycries @why-not-ask-me-a-better-question

(Ask to be added or taken off! The taglist is for the main story, along with any AUs, drabbles, etc.)

[hotwaterandmilk]

Thinking about future projects

So I've been spending this week ruminating on my future a bit.

I absolutely love sharing scans on here for free. It is overwhelming seeing talented artists following me for access to retro inspo pics as well as all the other anime/manga fans who just love looking at some extremely dated-looking anime faces. I want to preserve these old images as much as possible so even the tackiest, silliest, and most forgetable old titles have some presence online in the future.

However, as much as I begrudge talking about my personal life on here, my illness has been gradually making even a simple hobby like sharing scans increasingly complex (holding books in position while scanning, for example, is extremely painful).

Now that isn't to say I'm going to stop sharing scans for $0, I'm not. I plan to continue doing this until I run out of things to scan.

But I am considering spending time doing some other things as well, things that I can make a few legit bucks off just to help me with my future. My condition is chronic and degenerative, while I work full-time now it is not likely to be something I can keep doing 10 or 20 years in the future.

Like a lot of people my age I don't own anything much of value, but I'd like to think I have other things to share with the world outside of only scans. So, I'm at a point now where I'm considering what direction I'd like to go with the other content that I can provide.

Some of the ideas I've had floating around my head include

Information on my collecting processes

Product reviews

Obscure/shitty series reviews

Obscure/shitty series recaps

Reflections re: online weeb fan culture in the late 90's-early 00's

Essays or articles on the extremely random things I find intriguing

The format these could take may be something as straight forward as a Patreon with posted images/articles/videos/whatever. or something more specific I guess like proper videos posted to somewhere like YT or articles shared via SubStack. Not sure how I feel about videos though because my accent is terrible and I look like shit.

Anyway, like I said, I'm ruminating at the moment which means I haven't reached a final decision re: how I'll ultimately choose to split my energy in the future. I am happy to hear your feedback and thoughts though. I know you're not here to listen to my life story or complications, rather you're here for the pics, but if you do have anything to share regarding what you would be interested in seeing from me etc. then I'd be happy to hear it.

If you've read this far, thanks so much for taking the time. I'm just a little internet nobody but it means a lot that I can share my process like this and see what happens y'know?

[lucitumb1r]

They seem quite suspicious of you, constantly looking at you. Much like you are constantly looking at them.

Some of your classmates seem to be getting the wrong idea, thinking the two of you to be interested in one another. They're not entirely wrong you'll admit, but the interest is a different kind.

You avoid them as much as you can, and they appear to do the same. This does not at all stop your classmates from forcing group hangouts where you two always get paired somehow.

The most horrible thing for a psychic is going to an amusement park. It's only amusing for the first five minutes, after that it's just a headache.

Everyone is thinking the whole time they're there.

'Ugh this line is taking so loonggg.. What's the point of ordering tickets online when you can't even skip the line?! What are they even doing up there that requires us to wait??' 'Once he's out of the bathroom he's taking my spot so I can go.' 'OMGOMGOMG WE'RE FINALLY HERE!!! YES OH MY LORD I'VE BEEN BEGGING FOREVER FOR THIS!! I HOPE THIS DAY NEVER ENDS!' 'Ouch, that sushi must be hitting me now, hope I don't throw up..' 'Tickets were outragous! And not even a thank you of course.. The things I do for this family..' 'Okay a quick day of destressing and then straight to exams! Oh shoot I never sent that email..' 'Where is my group? They said to gather at the gate, but which gate? Which is considered the Main gate?' 'Oh no I left my lunch at home, I'll have to spend money on lunch, or I could just starve..' 'FINALLY that bus took AGES, shouldn't a bus driver know how to DRIVE??' 'If the lady in front of me doesn't stop smacking her lips I am going to smack her head..' 'My lips are dry, where did I leave my tickets again?' 'I haven't even gotten in yet and there's a song stuck in my head, great.' 'My phone didn't charge last night?! Now I can't take any photos!' 'This line is taking ages, if I were to kill someone would it get me in faster? Who am I kidding?' 'Where did the confirmation email go?? It's almost my turn!' 'Ugh the idiot in front of me is keeping up the line, how hard is it to get a barcode scanned??'

So, y'know, a LOT of thoughts.

The group however, decided it was perfect for a first da group outing.

But there's a lot more wrong with an amusement park besides the constant stream of thoughts, there's also the actual rides, and the food.

The food sucks because it's priced up like a fairy on cocaine and more importantly, you can hear the employees their disgust at how it's prepared. The best you've overheard was:

'We're supposed to use the oil from yesterday?? Did Patricia not order any new bottles? I'm making my own lunch this week..'

The worst you don't want to think about. uughahuu

The rides are their own kind of evil, for someone who can alter their own gravity, being transported at high speeds without any attempt at lessening the accompanying discomfort, like the lack of wind in a car or airplane, or the leather suit for riding a motorcycle, causes your body to go 'WARNING WHAT THE HELL??' and freak out.

So yeah, in the past you had what has since been deemed 'an allergic reaction' where you forced yourself out of your seat, bending the metal and causing a weight shift that caused the ride to lock down. Not the best moment..

The group decided to split into pairs of two or three roughly ten minutes after getting in, and lo and behold who you got paired with..

Yup..

At least they weren't happy about it either.

Though, you have to admit, in a world where you're constantly bombarded with thoughts of others, having at least one person next to you who doesn't add to it, is nice.

They didn't want to go on any rides, which suits you just fine. You both decide to take a calm rail-roaded boat ride while you both enjoy your packed lunches. Since that ride isn't very popular, it's probably the most quiet spot in the park.

Is this what normal people feel like? Not being able to hear the thoughts of others? You've had quiet before, but never with another person in the same place.

It's scary, but also calming.

Eventually, they speak. "Have you ever felt like you can't read someone?" They ask, you suppress a laugh, no need to make them feel mocked.

"Not until recently, sucks doesn't it?" You say as you turn to look over at them. Their eyes are on their half eaten sandwich. They look sad.

"Do you have to be able to read everyone?" You ask suddenly. You're not sure why.

They look sadder. "Well no, but, I feel lost. Like I'm looking at a blank page where the answers should be." Oh, that's a good description.

"Sort of like trying to read a foreign language huh?" You offer.

"No, not foreign, I could make peace with that. It's just blank." Fair enough.

Most of the time was spent in comfortable silence, you two even got up at the same time. Despite them being the only person who you've ever been unable to read, it seems they're also the first person that you don't need to read.

The day went on, you ran into your friends a bunch, all having great fun. The two of you went into a haunted house, which was quite boring since you could hear the performers prepare for the scares, but the décor was good.

There were a couple of kids rides that you went on, kids may have louder thoughts, but at least they weren't angry.

At one point you two found a tree and you were dared into a climbing competition, feeling the need, you used your powers to climb faster, but surprisingly it still ended in a tie.

After that you two would start running to whatever tree you saw and try to climb it before the other could. The score is even at the moment.

By the end of the day, long after your friend group had already gone home, you looked at the firework display with them from the treeline.

"It's pretty." They say, looking at the fireworks, completely relaxed.

"Yeah, and quiet from this distance." You comment, looking at the people watching it, you can make out their faint praise if you focus.

They turn to you. "If you could read minds, would you?"

"Not if I can turn it off."

"And if you could tell when someone tries? Would you want to know?"

...

Oh.

"Not sure, would you?"

They smile. "Not if I can turn it off."

All your life, you’ve been quite accustomed to your psychic powers. Though, as you return to school, your new peculiar classmate has always befuddled you and for one simple reason–you’re unable to read their mind.

[childofman12]

**Title: A Love Found in Code - Part 2**

---

The morning classes passed in a blur. My mind kept wandering back to that brief encounter with Allison in the hallway. I replayed the moment over and over—the way her eyes lit up when she saw me, the way her voice carried a hint of something unspoken. I could hardly focus on the monotony of the lessons, my thoughts stuck in a loop of anticipation for lunch.

When the bell finally rang, signaling the start of the lunch period, I bolted out of my seat and headed straight to the cafeteria. The usual noise greeted me—students talking over each other, trays clattering, the smell of fried food lingering in the air. My eyes scanned the room, searching for Allison.

And there she was, standing by the entrance, clutching the straps of her backpack with a sort of nervous energy. Our eyes met, and she gave me that same small, knowing smile from earlier. It was like she could read my thoughts, like she knew exactly what I was feeling.

“Hey,” she greeted me as I approached. Her voice was calm, but there was an underlying excitement in it that matched my own.

“Hey,” I responded, trying to keep my voice steady. “Find a place to sit?”

“Yeah, there’s a spot by the window,” she said, nodding towards a table in the far corner. It was one of those spots people tended to overlook, a little more secluded from the main crowd.

We walked over together, and I couldn’t help but notice how easy it felt. There was none of the awkwardness you’d expect from meeting someone in person for the first time after knowing them online. It was like we had always done this, like meeting at school was just the next logical step in our relationship.

We sat down, and for a moment, neither of us spoke. Allison fidgeted with the hem of her hoodie sleeve, her eyes darting around as if she was trying to gather her thoughts. I was about to break the silence when she finally spoke up.

“It’s so weird,” she said, her voice soft. “Sitting here with you. Like, I know you, but… I don’t know. Does it feel weird to you?”

I shook my head, smiling. “Honestly? It feels… right. Like we’ve done this before.”

She looked up at me, her eyes searching mine for a moment before she smiled. “Yeah, it does. It’s nice.”

We fell into easy conversation after that, talking about anything and everything—how the school was different from her old one, which teachers were cool, and which ones to avoid. We even slipped into our usual banter about games, discussing the latest updates to our favorite MMORPG and which new features were worth checking out. It was like being back in our online chats, except now, I could see her reactions in real-time, the way her eyes lit up when she got excited about something or the way she’d smirk when she was about to make a witty comeback.

As we talked, I noticed little things about her that I hadn’t been able to pick up on before. The way she twirled a strand of her short hair when she was thinking, the slight tilt of her head when she was listening intently, the way her nose crinkled when she laughed. Each detail made her feel more real, more present, and I found myself falling for her all over again.

At one point, there was a lull in the conversation, and Allison looked out the window, her expression turning a bit more serious. “You know,” she started, “when we were talking online, I always wondered what you were like in person. Like, what your laugh sounded like, how you’d react to stuff. I used to think about it a lot.”

I felt a warmth in my chest, hearing her admit that. “I did too,” I confessed. “I mean, I’d try to imagine you sitting there on the other side of the screen. And now… now you’re here.”

She turned back to me, her eyes softening. “Yeah. And I’m glad I am.”

We sat there for a moment, just looking at each other, the noise of the cafeteria fading into the background. It was like the world had shrunk down to just the two of us, and in that moment, everything felt perfect.

But then, as if on cue, the bell rang, breaking the spell. Lunch was over.

Allison sighed, a hint of reluctance in her eyes. “I guess we should get to class.”

“Yeah,” I agreed, though I wished we could stay there a little longer.

We gathered our things and stood up, but before we could part ways, Allison reached out and gently grabbed my sleeve. “Hey,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper. “Do you… maybe want to hang out after school? There’s this café nearby that I’ve been wanting to check out.”

My heart did a little flip at the invitation. “I’d love to.”

Her smile widened, and for a moment, I thought she might say something more, but she just nodded. “Cool. I’ll meet you at the front entrance?”

“Yeah, I’ll be there,” I promised.

She gave me one last smile before heading off to her next class, and as I watched her go, I felt a strange mix of emotions—excitement, anticipation, and something that felt a lot like hope.

Whatever was happening between us, it was more than just a connection through screens and text. It was real, tangible, and I couldn’t wait to see where it would lead.

---

**To be continued...**

[ellieslaces]

a deep and sincere apology — an explanation by ellieslaces

to begin — thank you all so much for the influx of likes and reposts and support I’ve received lately! It really does mean a lot. however, I would like to offer an explanation for my sudden absence on here

(warning; it gets a little personal, I discuss things such as health issues and mental health issues and some sexuality issues)

(img. 1: me reading some of my past works that I’ve posted / abandoned, realizing they are indeed, shit)

To begin, I know I was working on my Can’t Catch Me Now series (a resident evil/hunger games au) and I do have full intention of finishing it. I have big plans for it! I want everyone to know, my absence and sudden hiatus on CCMN was not planned. I quickly became overwhelmed with every thing going on in my life.

Can’t Catch Me Now really is my brain child, idk where the hell it came from and how I managed to weave RE and THG together the way I did, but I can humbly say I am proud of it. I don’t want to abandon it, I’m just trying to find time and motivation to work on it.

as for Dancing With Our Hands Tied… yeowch. it’s a mess, I’m so sorry. I kind of want to rework it, to rewrite it now that I have a little bit of a better grasp on Leon’s character. But, it’s so much work and I’m already overwhelmed by continuing CCMN. So, it’s not a definite promise, but I will try to rework it at some point.

I do however want to venture into writing for some other characters. I’ve dabbled in writing for Hazel Callahan from Bottoms and the piece did pretty well (with the exception of someone commenting that it was shitty smut (it’s not even smut) and that threw me off for a while). but, I want to write for more female characters as well as maybe starting to write for Arthur Morgan from RDR2 (I’ve been playing lately and the brainrot is real). But, I’ll keep you all updated.

(img. 2; deep diving into the shit show that my life has become the past couple of months. it gets rough here sorry)

To begin, I again want to apologize for my sudden absence. I had some backlash on a piece I wrote and it messed with my head. And after that, everything in my life kinda went downhill. I want to try to remain as vague as I can while providing a good explanation.

I am in my final semester of undergrad. I am a little over a month or so away from my degree and I couldn’t be happier. However, it’s not been without challenges. I have a shitty professor, my college is really terrible and I have a lot of issues communicating with them (I don’t live in the state where I attend uni, I’m an online student as I moved)

On top of that, I’ve been having health issues lately. I had some bad blood work, which caused increased amounts of anxiety which led to me being physically ill for multiple weeks. I went to the doctor who referred me for an ultrasound (which made me sicker with anxiety). It went okay, but I needed another scan (a fibroscan) due to some issues with my liver. So, it’s been a little rough from that too.

On top of all that, I started talking to a girl online. For a while, she was the brightest point in my life. So sweet and funny and I was genuinely interested in her. But, something happened and we fell out of contact (really she stopped answering me). It hit me harder than I expected.

While she was a bright part of my life, I also struggled with it. I grew up religious, taught that homosexuality is a sin. I have known for a little over a year that I’m not straight. I’m not sure what I am, more unlabeled. But, I struggled because no one knows. I had a few long discussions with my therapist and she encouraged me to take it at my pace. My parents don’t know, and that’s been rough on me.

There’s also been some issues in my family that mess with my head. But that’s not my business to discuss with anyone.

Essentially, the last couple months have been heavy. This, despite being a little vague, is my reason. I’m sorry I didn’t give a warning, I just needed time. And there’s no promise I’ll be as active as I used to, but I want to be present on here. I just want to thank you all for your patience.

(img. 3; me at 3am ready to crack down on some works bc i miss writing)

As for what to expect with my newfound motivation and want to write, I have a few things. Obviously you can expect me to hopefully produce chapters Can’t Catch Me Now semi-regularly (maybe a chapter every week or two weeks). I want to finish that up and have it fully released.

I do have some other Leon works brewing, some standalones that I really love. So expect some of those.

Like I said, I want to work on writing for some female characters too. I have some works that aren’t fully completed for Jill, Hazel, Ellie, and Abby. But, as I’ve previously stated on my page, I want to be careful of what I post in terms of TLOU due to Druckman’s alliance to Israel. So, I make no promises in terms of that.

I stated I wanted to venture into writing for Arthur Morgan, and I do. I want to figure out how to write his character and get some works for him done. But I’m not sure when that will be.

As for now, all I ask is patience. I’m still trying to find my groove, get it back so I can write again. But, I hope to have some stuff out soon. All the best and thank you all.

Bunches and bunches of love,

ellieslaces.

[avtrbee]

Would You Still Love Me If I Was a Worm?

i see lots of tiktok challenges abt the jjk men esp abt gojo, but lets be real here yall gojo is probably the one doing them to you and hed prolly take the joke too far

“Y/n?”

“Hmm?” You answered, still eyeing the children’s clothes catalog in your magazine. You stare at a red bag a little to long. Tsumiki did say she needed a new bag right? You pondered. Maybe Megumi needs one too… You flip the page and scanned it for possible items Megumi might want.

In front of you, your husband was sprawled all over the couch in boredom. It was a rare day when both of you are at home, doing nothing but waiting for Tsumiki and Megumi who were both busy at school.

Gojo leaned forward and rested his chin on his palm. There was a smirk on his face that you usually have spotted miles away, but you were too busy reading. “Would you have married me if I was a worm?”

You flip another page. “To be honest, I was never considered marrying you until our clans put us together. This was an arranged marriage, remember?”

The exaggerated disbelief and on Gojo’s face was hilarious. His mouth was wide open, still not understanding how you could’ve answered him with a straight face while reading a children’s magazine. “Wha-“ he started but cut himself off. “But we love each other now right?”

“I suppose, yes.”

Gojo felt an eye twitch. How can you continue to have a conversation with him without even looking at him? This was only supposed to be a little ploy to gain your attention, but it has immediately evolved to something else. How can you find a magazine more interesting than him and the brilliant conversation starters he saw online? He is your husband! The love of your life! The strongest sorcerer and the one person you can’t live without. Gojo feels the sudden urge to compete with the magazine. “Then would you love me if I was a worm?”

“What is going on inside your head?” You ask exasperatedly, finally putting down the magazine.

“You never know!” Gojo protests, standing up and pointing at you. “What if a curse turned me into a worm? Would you still love me then?”

You raised an unimpressed eyebrow, crossing your arms and leaving the abandoned magazine on your lap. “I thought you were the strongest. As if you’d let that happen.”

“Hypothetically!” He insists. “What I was fighting a special grade curse but then I got caught up thinking about all the things I love about you, like your butt or the way you hug me so nicely!” He watched your mouth gape in disbelief. “Then the curse sneaked up to me as I was distracted thinking about my beautiful wife and poof! I was a worm. Then you’d hear the doorbell ring and you’d open the door to see your sad, sad, sad worm husband hoping you’d still love him.”

"B-but," you stutter, still trying to understand where this is all coming from. "You'd be a worm."

"I'd still be me!" Gojo wails.

"Oh? How'd we have sex then? I'm not having sex with a worm."

Gojo pouted and shrugged. "I don't know, I can crawl up in there and wiggle or something-"

"That is just plain bestiality," you groan, covering your face with your hands. "And animal cruelty."

"But what about the kids!" Gojo dropped down to his knees dramatically and crawled to you.

"What about them? Tsumiki would probably accidentally step on you and Megumi'll laugh at your expense."

Gojo ignored you. "They'd come home and ask where I was and you'll have to explain how you kicked me out-"

"For being a worm." You helpfully added.

"For not loving me enough!" Gojo wailed, burying his head on your thighs. He shed enough tears for you to feel them seep through your leggings.

Ever so gently, Gojo felt you kiss the top of his head before lifting his face up with both hands on each cheek. "I do love you," you insisted, staring deep at his eyes. "I do. If-" You sigh, giving up to his whims. "If hypothetically, you do turn into a worm, I'd still keep you in a cup or something, but that wouldn't lessen my feelings Satoru. Is this what that's about?"

Gojo had to fight the smile on his face as you wiped a crocodile tear off his cheek. "Nah, just wanted to get your attention away from the magazine."

Gojo was almost too late in activating his Infinity before a punch with all the cursed energy you could muster came an inch away from his cheek. He cupped your face with his palms and gave your head a kiss before you could scream at him. "For the record, I would still love you if you were a worm."

And then he was gone, teleporting away to your favorite cafe that was three blocks away. He had to get you your favorite cake when he comes back home as an apology.