#i had to get this little ostrich guy i had to adopt him

[cheerylittlebottomistrans]

ʎɐʍ ɹǝɥʇıǝ ʎʇʇǝɹd ǝɹ’no⅄

[weepinwriter]

ZHENYA ‘PSIKH’ BOGDANOV

(pardon the terrible lighting 😔)

Codename : Nyx, named after the primordial greek goddess of the night (yeah it's a feminine name, but does Zhenya give a damn? Hell no)

Nickname : His friends and family members know him simply as Zhen, otherwise in the underworld he is better known as Psikh Bogdanov, or the madman as some prefer to call him for simplicity

[ 20 || 6'1" || cis-male || demisexual || in a relationship with Ash and Rin ]

Appearance : Short midnight black hair, and emerald green eyes

His stats

(dudes here ready to go full on doomslayer on his enemies)

Some facts about him:

~ He likes smoking, and that too the best quality cigars

~ As a child Zhenya wanted to be a writer, maybe even a journalist. He liked journaling his days as a kid, writing small stories and frequently narrating details of his day with his father, uncle and Ash before the incident with his dad, following which he discontinued writing indefinitely. He never touched his little journal after that.

~ Once had a bucket list containing all the things he wanted to do as a kid. These included bungee jumping, going to the seven wonders of the world and hell, even riding an ostrich (overall he just wanted to do every crazy thing one can possibly do). One of the wishes in this list included going to Disneyland with his dad. Unfortunately it never happened and he refused to ever go there

~ is very fond of daffodils. Ash regularly buys daffodils to be put in a vase in the middle of the room where he can see them

~ he is very fond of Donna tartt's books, especially the secret history

~ during his (cringe) puberty phase, when emotions and hormones run high and teenagers become the biggest menaces alive, Zhenya had the misfortune of stumbling upon Twilight. Following that fateful encounter he became a hardcore Twilight fan, especially as a firm member Team Jacob. He even went as far as to get a wolf tattoo and got his ears pierced as a form of his teenage rebellion. Thankfully he got over his cringe phase quickly, and now everytime he thinks about it he can't help but feel embarrassed to the core. (I can say this with a guarantee that Rin tries to pull his leg every once in a while by mentioning his horrific past, just for the sake of seeing Zhenya blush furiously.)

~ also likes reading books and historical research papers on medieval punishments and torture methods, for science ofcourse he says

~ is a pretty decent cook

~ although he can only cook dishes related to chicken, Zhenya is experienced enough to debone a raw chicken blindfolded holding some of the sharpest knives ever. The countless scars on his hands and arms are a testament of his perseverance. Apparently he's ‘practising’...

~ “a balanced diet is very important.” also him, proceeds to carefully remove all the peas from his food

~ has never lost a single match of rock-paper-scissors, even against Rin. However, one cannot say the same for his terrible luck and history with UNO. My guy here can get almost all the power cards at the beginning of the game, yet somehow always manages to lose them all and be defeated brutally. It has come to the point some believe he's intentionally losing, he's not.

~ likes watching and listening to true crime podcasts

~ Zhenya has a very bad habit of smiling whenever he's lying, making it impossible for anyone to figure out when he's lying or not (except those close to him who can see the discrepancies between his real and fake smiles)

~ can hold his liquor very well. The most he can go with, is 23 shots, which is his highest record so far, until he eventually passes and wakes up to the absolute worst hangover of his life

~ will call you a moron if you were to ask him the classic “would you still love me if I was a worm?” but still answer with a yes

~ sorry no Pixie cameo this time 😔, on another note, Zhenya actually adopted Pixie from the streets when he accidentally stepped on her on his way home. Feeling guilty he brought her home and the kitten that was barely a month old became a part of his small family. Now refuses to let anyone even touch her without his permission, talk about being overprotective

MIKHAIL 'MICKI' VICTOROVICH LANG

(this is @headdaze's MC, btw all comments are made by them-)

Codename : Tisiphone (he’d probably get a kick out of the nicknames he could make– like he picks up the phone and goes “hello? This is tisiphone answeirng the phone at avengers speed-” OR EVEN BETTER “hello? Tis me, tisiphone–”)

Nickname : His close ones simply call him, Angel, meanwhile the rest just go along with Micki

[ 20 || 5'5" || agender, he/they || demisexual || working on getting Ash, will work on Rin (when they meet each other as adults which they haven’t yet LOLOLOL)]

Appearance : Slightly long brown hair, with grayish, green blue eyes

Some facts about them

~ after destroying a microwave, ruining a meal, burning a few items, and other travesties, micki resigned himself to simple dishes… no five star courses (later on Zhenya takes it upon himself to cook for Mikhail, after keeping him 6feet away from the kitchen ofcourse)

~ loves nothing more than a good book and as such gets heavily irritated when something good disappoints them

~ very pro-healthy food but still eats unhealthy

~ vision is ABSOLUTE SHIT, wears either ridiculously thick glasses or contacts

~ usually sweet but can have a scary side too (people like to call him the wolf in sheep’s clothing)

~ his dream is to go around the world, eat the things he wants, and buy the things he wants without feeling guilty about spending money

~ a MASSIVE penny pincher

~ “ZHEN CAN YOU PLEASE STOP RUINIG YOUR LUNGS WITH THOSE FUCKING BEAUTIFUL CIGARS” “No.”

~ comfy > fashion, the man is not going to strut outside on a winter day in an outfit even if he looks good in it because if it gets him a cold it is GAME OVER

~ literally cannot stay up for the life of them, alwAYS gets irritable when sleepy so prefers to get their hours of sleep in

(why is a majority of this basically just me)

IF : VENDETTA BY @vendetta-if

[crowtrobotx]

Give us 3 things you like best about your top 3 blorbos plsnthx

I am going to stick to canon/not OC blorbos bc I feel like I talk too much about Lottie and everyone is annoyed by it

Hector Barbossa - (POTC)

I would be remiss to not first include the OG blorbo. The introductory Old Man. The character that made me realize something was a little Funky™️ about my gender/sexuality.

Okay, first of all, I love how sincerely full of himself this man is. He really thought he could pull Keira Knightley despite being the scrunkliest pirate on earth and you know what - good for him!!! Shoot for the moon, even if you miss you’ll land among the stars etc etc. We love an unconventionally attractive person who knows they’re hot shit.

The fashion sense/vibes - the fucking ostrich feathers in the hat. The rings. The big ass necklace. The single fang earring. The swagger walk. The matching pet monkey. The bisexuality of it all. In all seriousness, I love the way his outfit and accessories serve to play up his overly dramatic theater kid energy but also are very interesting when you consider that he came from extremely humble beginnings. He’s showing off what he’s fought tooth and nail for and it is working for him, honey.

I really, genuinely love that we got glimpses - in the first movie - of the fact that the character we were seeing wasn’t always like this. Ten years of being a walking corpse had twisted him beyond the recognition of people who knew him (even Jack looks pretty damn horrified a few times despite having been on the receiving end of his bad behavior before) and YET. When he gets resurrected we find out… he still sucks lmao. Like, he’s not outright cruel and isn’t totally insane anymore but he’s still ultimately just a selfish, snarky, conniving geezer who’s only part of the “good guys” because it serves him and his interests. There wasn’t really a redemption arc (the 4th and 5th movies are not canon, fight me) and he, at best, just ended up being the weird unsavory uncle to the main cast. What a king.

Sandor “The Hound” Clegane - ASOIAF/GoT

If you followed me prior to 2021 you know this was my prior HBIC (head blorbo in charge.) I still love him dearly and I hope he’s enjoying his retirement.

Look at him. No, really, look at him. Help??? Aside from me being a thirsty bitch, I have an extreme soft spot for characters who are visibly different and not in a purple eyes/horns/otherwise “sexy” way. Bodies are lived in and should look as such - and, this might be shocking to some people, disabled and/or disfigured people exist and they’re just as cool and hot and worthy as anyone else (I would know 😎.) I actually think the show should have gone a little harder on his burn scars but oh well. Sheesh, I need a cold shower.

His road trip arc with Arya. Need I say more? Y’all know I am WEAK for father/daughter dynamics and it’s even better when they’re both murderous lunatics. I love that she makes him softer but he doesn’t try to restrict or control her. I love that he tries to show that he cares in the only way that he knows how which is by teaching her how to rip/maim/tear/kill. Like, I know everyone enjoyed this part of the story because there were some genuinely hilarious moments and it was absurd, but I think under the surface we got some really fascinating insight into who he actually is and we were robbed of cranky but proud adoptive dad!Sandor in the show. I’ll be mad forever.

Fuck the city. Fuck the kingsguard. Fuck the king. We stan - I am obsessed with his realization that he doesn’t need or want to do anyone’s bidding anymore. I love that he turns heel but also has no idea who he is once he’s not Cersei’s dog - I love that he initially relies on his warped perception of people and the world to survive and slowly but surely begins to realize that maybe he doesn’t need to focus on revenge and violence all the time. I think it’s pretty obvious that GRRM is kind of going for a “a dog’s behavior will reflect its master’s” thing with him and if we ever get another book (lol) I am excited to see what becomes of him. Because he’s pretty clearly not actually dead.

Karl Heisenberg - Resident Evil Village

Literally WHERE have you BEEN if you didn’t see this coming lol. The reigning champion. Completely unchallenged for over a year and a half. I am chewing on him as we speak like a squeaky toy.

Okay, like… obviously I’m very fond of his design. I love that he’s fat. I love that he’s got a super unkempt beard. I love that his hair is grey and that his clothes are dirty and he’s covered in scars. I love that he looks like someone who works (in contrast to Alcina, for example) and isn’t concerned with his appearance. This is such a small and shallow thing maybe but with the tendency for media to just make everyone Extremely Conventionally Attractive, I’m enamored by characters like this. Actually, this has been a thing across all three of these guys, hasn’t it? Hmm.

Completely love that he’s an actual genius with the apparent imagination of a little kid who just downed an entire box of sugary cereal. “What if I stuck this propellor engine onto a dude’s torso.” “Drill arms never hurt nobody.” “JET PACKS!!! I need jet packs!!!” He’s such a fucking nerd, too, like his deranged cackle followed by “…ending recording” on that tape you find is so cute and stupid. Karl what the hell is going on I love you so much. It makes me wonder who he would have or could have been if he hadn’t found himself kidnapped into an abusive cult - I’m getting strong “Bill Nye but make him chaotic neutral” vibes. Eccentric raccoon man. Peepaw is feral and I’m going to fuck him.

If you’ve ever read anything I’ve written with him in it, you know I like to play up the fact that it’s pretty clear (to me, at least) that the swagger and showmanship is a mask for… a lot of shit. And that is extremely compelling to me - even if it’s ultimately just my HC. The stutter, the “sorry about that” after Sturm keeps making noise, the diary entries and comments that seem to indicate he hates his body after what Miranda did to him, his pretty heartbreaking last words. I don’t really see the genuinely confident daddy dom that a lot of the fandom sees - and no hate if you do!!! For me, with the canon fact that he never leaves the factory, he reads to me like someone who is incredibly socially inept and inexperienced, someone who is struggling to accept what he is now, and, perhaps most importantly, someone who really believes he’s the hero of the story and is blind to the fact that his rage and pain have turned him into what he hates most. I feel like he says all these things that make him sound like he’s full of himself but then you see him and he’s… just some guy. Living in a dirty factory with clothes that should have been thrown out a long time ago. And he’s lost it, and he’s furious, and yeah on some level he’s a bit of a selfish jackass but I wonder how much of his posturing is him needing to hear himself say it because he doesn’t really believe it and is terrified he won’t be strong enough to free himself. I just love him, y’all. I’m not sure we’ll ever see him again (in RE canon) but I’m going to keep making content for him for a long time, I hope.

[nochiquinn]

exandria unlimited: kymal: part 2: I planned for this

not adele dazeem

h a t s

"I feel like critical role's so serious" "WHAT"

sends that clip to all the "critical role was never this crass" tlovm critics

they got her

erica seems so much more comfortable tonight

pick-me casino

"I got fiddle-fingers!"

POODLE PIP

oh, oxboxtra does that one sometimes

see, bell's hells, THEY get it

I'm love him

mor: brumestone dorian: [rapid blinking]

spaceship

"and hide his dumb ass"

BOOP ACTION

matt teaching aimee and erica how to hit dice

rip aabria's voice

the chroma conclave getting turned into a tacky theme spa is the BEST

"no ringworm for dorian"

"he's not little, he's 6''6'!"

the way opal's face dropped at "thordak"

orym would probably also have had...some reaction

dariax

"it's kinda disrespectful but. y'know."

"I've always wanted to see the top of your head!" "👀" "NO"

"you can't get pregnant in a hot tub - you COULD get chlamydia!"

(edit from the future: I can't believe I spelled that right the first time)

jinoir :(

I need them to adopt and protect this child

"dorian's a taurus for sure" can we not call me out personally in this moment

ouchie check

for the record laying on pokey things is my absolute nightmare

"please draw it. and tag me."

dream check DREAM CHECK

comment cards

I love opal so goddamn much

everybody trying so fucking hard not to laugh over aimee

stop dating the episode

("no one who hasn't watched shortonegaming will get that" well maybe they should watch shortonegaming then)

(watch shortonegaming)

matt telling erica "it's fine, it's gonna be fine"

awakened vestige!!!

this is the dai character editor mirror

opal and the power of friendship

where is dariax. where is the back-to-back

"what should I do next" stop being a fucking dipshit

diligent, intelligent

they got the mother gothel treatment didn't they

GO AWAY AND THEN COME BACK SOON

"thank you for letting me do that, it was so disrespectful"

"she's wearing this, because we did the art"

cognitive psience

"sometimes cuddle buddies"

ted 2 again

"that is a man who let a pet rock die"

....birds of a feather

"will this be a pun list? YES."

PIERODIN

"I'm just gonna make eye contact with you, Matt"

LIFE NEEDS WINE TO LIVE

how long until the svg goes up for the vinyl cutters and their wine glass wraps

"she grew up in this buffet"

fantasy ostrich

big farm-a

"the exact same" gay

"we've moved a few couches together" GAY

"you gave me the power!"

innuendo as spellcasting flavor

apparently we are two hours into a five hour stream, help me

the early break is going to be my downfall

orym where are you

oh BOY

"you heard an eldritch language" that's how I hear all math

I don't like how much this guy smirks

dariax is a GOOD BOY

"I made her yeet a dice :D"

for a hot second I thought she threw it AT him

someone loan her a new d20

awww

what in the gravira

his mean little brainhole

don't love that!

"should have given him lair actions"

"look at the flowchart!!"

exCUSE

thrall? girl got a thrall?

poska-senpai noticed me

"doors are mysterious"

"the biggest boss I can offer: a mean door"

"do you think we care about money more than you?"

"as long as the money is out of this vault, I did my job"

I love one (1) himbo dwarf

"do you have some - it's just me, stop screaming - do you have some paper"

cyrus did one (1) useful thing

it's free gratis

this means in their future sessions - and there better goddamn be future sessions - they will have not one but two bags of holding

unless something really stupid happens

hello??

raven? matron of ravens?

(I'm sorry, I know why they had to change it, but "matron of ravens" will never be as smooth to say as "raven queen")

Dariax Is A Good Boy

even if this is a stupid idea (I have no idea) it is Hurting His Friend and now it has to Die

matt control your face

GO AWAY PIKACHU

aimee stop metagaming

"just smashing stuff?" "....yeah" "hell yeah"

anjali: wait I have the thing

there's an hourish left and I am in suffering

MAP

gaola mvp

dick around

"we're all impossibly stupid!"

"have you ever kicked a building to death?"

is fantasy c4 the only explosive you've heard of

"I'm really good at breaking things!"

"I had...a thought" "no!"

lmao the dice roller

"it's not that good a plan"

"I love you and I like you, and if this is not airtight I will FUCK you up"

!!!

QUEEN SHIT

god I want an exu animated miniseries

KING SHIT

did I compare the nameless ones to the dollars from durarara last time we did this

!!!

god I am TENSE

please don't everybody go splat

"roll good" "I'M TRYING"

I love her SO MUCH

"everyone turn into a simple machine!"

but they didn't HAVE machines in the middle ages

(this is more salt at tlovm critics, ignore me)

YIP YIP

the world's craziest poodle

wall effect!

smoke? clouds? probably clouds

here at the end I would like to state that every time they mentioned morrighan's songbird I pictured Songbird from bioshock

HEY

HEY WAIT A MINUTE

HER name? as is Mor is using someone else's name?

AS IN AN OLD WOMAN IN THE FEYWILD NAMED MORRIG(H)AN?

that was a sequel hook aabria you can't fool me

"we got 50k and a floating balcony!"

"did you forget their relationship started with peeing off a wall?!"

[shakes tin cup] spare a stinger?

no stinger :(

[therealnotta]

hey guys what the HECK was green eggs and ham (netflix original series, i know the book)

i just remembered it and i remember tumblr going all "whoaaa look at this" and me being like, "ok??? it's a baby show for babies. im not gonna watch that" and then i did and like????

this is going based off of when i watched it, like, two years ago or whatever, but the plot was that Sam (eats the green eggs and ham) is trying to help this animal (basically ostrich) get back to its home Guy (does NOT eat green eggs and ham) gets roped into the adventure, they're chased by a couple of dorks who refer to themselves as "The Bad Guys" so yeah

anyway it's weirdly gay, like, i don't know how to describe it, but even with that Guy ends up dating some random mom??? and it's wild

and then EVERYTHING goes HORRIBLE like, Sam was left at an orphanage as a kid and all he remembers is that the last meal he had with his mom was the green eggs and ham that she cooked, so he orders that everywhere he goes in the hopes that she'll be working at some diner ig and he can ask her why she didn't want him

not only this. but sam is like. a notorious con artist? he can't trust anyone so he has like, a dozen fake identities and he just happened to be Sam this time???? and when Guy finds this out he's just. devastated. bc Sam wasn't even Sam this whole time, he had just adopted the personality of "super hyper goofy little happy guy."

the freaking ostrich thing? yeah. he stole it for a Trump rip-off who wanted it bc it was a rare animal. he did it for money and oof ouch oof that scene where Sam's on his own bc Guy abandoned him and he's not pretending anymore and he gives up this SAPIENT CREATURE WHO SEES HIM AS A PARENT AT THIS POINT and it's horrible and depressing and just

And then it all works out, ofc, and they take the ostrich with them and they're friends again and almost die a couple times but they're fine, and they're sitting in a restaurant and waiting for Sam's food and Guy's doing the whole "so, what adventure are we going on next?" and Sam gets his food and takes a bite and just ABSOLUTELY LOSES IT and runs into the kitchen. where some RANDO is. and he figures out that the reason why it tasted like his mother's cooking was because it was the same eggs, so he BOOKS IT and that's where the season ends and they are/were going to make another season and man. what was that all about

[flameo-hotman]

I really liked this adoption menu for zuko ♡ it is a very creative idea. I want to know the 27 because its my favourite number.

This one is actually pretty cute. You have placed an order for Zuko adoption number 27. Zuko gets adopted by Hope’s parents and gets a lesbian aunt.

The cracking of the cook fire certainly didn't do anything to help with the heat, but you couldn't go and feed a pregnant woman raw meat. Ying knew this. Than knew this. And Wei Su knew this.

Thud.

A half-starved teen fell off his ostrich horse and rolled down the hill into the camp unconscious.

Wei Su, her brother, and her sister-in-law all blinked at the teen in shock and confusion for a few moments, before Than rushed over and checked the teen's pulse.

“He's alive, just unconscious and...” He felt the teen's forehead, “A bit warm. Wei Su, can you go get some water for him, while I see if we have any smelling salts?”

“Sure thing,” And with that, she grabbed one of their water skins.

The guy seemed groggy when Than got him to wake up, but he probably had heatstroke, so getting him cooled off and some water would help with that.

“What brings you this way, son?” Than asked the teen.

The teen did not answer, instead choosing to accepting the water skin and taking a sip.

“Than, the boy just wake up surrounded by strangers,” Ying chastised, before gesturing for Wei Su to come to help her up.

Once on her feet, Ying walked over to the teen and sat down across from him.

The teen regarded her with confusion and suspicion.

“My name is Ying. Than is my husband, and she,” Ying said gesturing to Wei Su, “Is his sister, Wei Su.”

The teen studied Ying for a few moments before he relaxed and rasped, “Lee.”

Lee made to get up, but Ying stopped him with a stern look, saying, “Oh, you're not going anywhere, young man. You are in no condition to be traveling alone, right now.”

“I can do whatever I want,” Lee answered, getting up anyways, before stumbling and swaying. Than shot up and steadied the boy, but Lee slapped his hand away.

The fire went from crackling to roaring, and Wei Su saw the way the Lee winced.

“I should be going,” Lee told them after he took a deep breath, but Ying was having none of that.

Nope, she got back to her feet and planted her hands on her hips, before ordering, “Lee, sit down. At the very least I want to make sure you eat some food before you go riding off to your death.”

Lee, for all of his prickles, obeyed.

Wei Su was pretty sure Ying just adopted the boy.

And sure enough, when Lee attempted to leave yet again after dinner, Ying insisted that it would be better if he stayed at their camp for the night. She needed to make sure he ate something in the morning and she would worry about him if she didn't at least know he had eaten breakfast.

And well Lee couldn't bring himself to worry a pregnant woman, so with even less resistance he relented and offered to take the first watch.

Than laughed, clapping him on the back, “This far into Earth Kingdom lands we don't get a lot of Fire Nation soldiers. I wouldn't be worried about that, son.”

Lee looked uncomfortable, but he said nothing, as he laid out his bed roll.

The next morning, Ying had him help her make breakfast, claiming she wanted to make sure he knew how to feed himself. Not more than 15 minutes later, Ying was horrified and turned it into a real cooking lesson.

Lee did not have the faintest idea on how cooking worked beyond the fact that fire was involved.

“You are staying with us until you know how to make yourself a proper meal, Lee,” Ying stated, and Wei Su knew she was right. Ying did adopt him.

Halfway to Ba Sing Se, they learned that he didn't have a passport, so they had to take a quick detour to get him one.

“Yes, sir, my son's passport was destroyed, when we were attacked by fire benders,” Ying informed the soldier manning the passport office. “If you could reissue him one, we would be grateful.”

The soldier glanced at her pregnant belly and then sighed, “Alright, fill out this form and I'll get a new one written up for him, ma'am.”

“Lee, could you go with Wei Su to the market and get a bag of feed for Mushi?”

“Uh, yes... Mom,” Was Lee's hesitant answer.

It sounded like he hadn't called someone mother in many years, and Wei Su felt her heartbreak.

Lee was handing over money for the feed, when a kid chucked an egg at the nearby soldiers.

“Hey!” The hit soldier growled, marching over to Lee. “You throwing eggs at us, stranger?”

Lee didn't even look at the man, as he accepted the bag of feed, answering, “No.”

“You see who did throw it?”

Lee turned around slowly, his hand moving to the hilt of his swords, and answered, “No.”

The soldier looked over to Wei Su and asked, “What about you pretty lady? You see anything?”

“I didn't. Now leave us alone,” She answered, feeling her skin crawl with the leer the man gave her.

The soldier reached for her, but before she could make a move to react and slap his hand away, the tip of a sword rested against the man's throat.

Lee glared at the man with loathing, and spat, “Hands to yourself, or you lose them.”

The soldier put his hands up and backed away, grumbling, “Your girlfriend ain't even all that pretty.”

“You filthy peas-” Lee began, but Wei Su stopped him, shooting back, “Lee, let's go.”

And with that, they walked away from the soldiers.

The kid who'd thrown the egg, rushed over to them, babbling, “Thanks for not ratting me out.”

“You shouldn't be throwing eggs at soldiers, kid,” Wei Su told him, not wanting to know what those jerks would have done to the kid if he decided to do a repeat of earlier.

The kid grimaced and answered, “I only did it because they are bullies.”

“Is that so...” Lee asked, voice going low and thoughtful.

Wei Su did not want to know what her nephew was planning.

They stayed the night with the kid's family, and the next day headed out for the road to Ba Sing Se again, and on the way out, she got a good idea of just what Lee had done.

The soldier's barracks were a pile of smoldering rubble.

“Lee, what did you do?” Ying asked in horror, looking at her son from her spot on the ostrich horse, Mushi.

Lee answered, plainly, “They were bullies.”

“Lee, they will take it out on the villagers!” Wei Su shouted.

“No, they won't,” Lee refuted. “I made sure they saw me. Their commander put them on active duty.”

“THEY SAW YOU FIRE BEND!!” Ying chastised, “Lee, they will hunt you down and kill you!”

Lee looked surprised for a moment, but he shrugged, and answered, “They won't look for me in Ba Sing Se.”

He looked a little nervous now though. Nervous and confused.

“Wait... Lee's a fire bender?” Than asked, confused, “I thought he was gay?”

“What?” Lee asked even more confused.

“Well, Wei Su is gay and the two of you hang out a lot?”

Lee glanced between her and her brother, and finally answered, “Oh, I didn't know that... I mean I might be? But I am a fire bender.”

“So? Who's the guy that caught your eye then, Mr. I Might Be Gay?” Wei Su asked, breaking the tension by teasing her nephew playfully.

Lee flushed bright red, sputtering, “I-I What? There isn't a guy!”

Ying gave Lee her mom eyebrow, that she'd been practicing ever since she'd adopted a feral teenage fire bender.

“Well, there is a guy but he probably hates me...” Lee admitted, caving under the look Ying gave him.

Ying sighed, “Lee. What did you do?”

“Attacked his village?”

“YOU DID WHAT?”

[augment-techs]

Single parent au with Ryan and Olympius/Impus?

"I know a guy."

If there was ever a phrase Ryan Mitchell was more grateful to hear out of Miss Fairweather's mouth after acquiring Olympius, tiny and frail and saved from his disgusting fate because Ryan maintained his human heart throughout the years in the care of demons, it was unlikely that he could recall it. More-so after he was introduced to Dr. Cranston and his steadily inclining in popularity musician boyfriend (a joke that Fairweather and Dana snorted at every visit; "The only reason they won't get married is because Billy thinks the concept is ridiculous and Eugene thinks he's a jinx,") and little Spike. They'd assured him that at the age of twenty-one, taking on a child wasn't the end of the world as he knew it. Especially since it was an adoption, Ryan had a support system, a job, and a place to live while raising Olympius. "I can guarantee that you'll do better than this little guy's original mother," Billy had reassured, checking the demon toddler over before loosing him to eat lunch with Spike, Skull observing them much like an oversized barn bird from his place on the sofa. The punk's smile infectious as he observed his four year old break a cookie in half and offer it up to the waddling demon prince. Ryan himself grinned triumphantly at Olympius twitching his wings and tail at the unexpected kindness from someone he had only just met. It took him a moment, but he took the offered cookie and chirped something like a game bird, perhaps a thank you (which Ryan never heard in the demon realm, but had no reason to believe differently) and a nod, before nibbling at the treat and flapping his wings a little more in happiness at the taste. It was still terrifying, getting his sea legs, as it were. Bedtimes were odd, because demons didn't need to sleep more than four hours and Olympius was a high born from Bansheera's bloodline, so he had energy to spare at any given moment. Feeding him was tricky, because while he liked meat and could carry on with it splendidly for every meal if Ryan let him, the Titanium Ranger knew that letting him eat only blood and flesh would possibly set off the hunting instinct, which brought on the need to dominate and claim a territory and nobody needed that. Thankfully, Billy and Fairweather spoke often enough, and met up once a month and Billy usually brought Spike if Skull was at a demo or gig; more often than that, Ryan would find Skull looking for Ryan and Olympius himself, Spike riding his shoulders or standing in a backpack like some grand high royal. They helped Ryan plan out a diet by offering up the food to the kids after they played around--Ryan nearly had a heart attack the first time Olympius used too much strength rough housing, almost knocking Spike on his rear; except the youngest Skullovitch was suddenly not a human, but a penguin chick. He bounced out of his clothes like a plush toy and delighted Olympius by turning then into what Ryan was told later to be an ostrich chick who skittered around on too long legs, circling just out of the toddler demon's reach, before reforming again and again. Spike managed a goat kid that climbed the couches, a leopard cub that twined around Ryan and Skull and the prince's legs, a slick hippo that sat on Olympius (perhaps to show him how big he could get), and something that Ryan and Skull guessed must have been Spike's idea of a chimera (lion head and body, snake tail, goat legs and tiny budding horns)  that yawned a small lick of flame; all before he'd worn himself out and fell asleep back in human form, butt naked, resting against his friend's side like it was nothing. "Well, that was quite a show; usually he wears himself out after three changes," Skull had smiled, entirely serene, putting Spike's clothes back on expertly without waking him and allowing Olympius to pat his son's messy hair like an apology for the first fall, "Of course that means he's gonna be hungry as an elephant later, but I try not to deny him small pleasures. And he needs the experience or Billy thinks one day he might get stuck." He'd let Ryan keep

the cookies made with blood instead of eggs and the yak milk he'd gotten on his last tour that tasted fine and he'd thought the little prince might appreciate better than cow milk before taking his leave with the promise of another play date the next weekend in case Olympius started to go stir crazy. "I guess it's just good luck you met someone with a not-quite-human-child through the Rangers," Ryan grinned, recalling the episode with Fairweather the next day while Olympius was napping, having entirely enjoyed the yak milk a little too fast; small blessings. The scientist and no-nonsense woman had looked at Ryan a little bit like he'd grown a second head, before her eyes went out of focus, just for a moment, and she corrected him with a shake of her head, "No. Actually I met Billy through Skull when I worked for Promethea." "Promethea?" "The private science and technology company that was responsible for Terra Venture and...well, it was the starting place for an awful lot of our tech here. Grace Sterling was my mentor; she owned the company and started me off on my duties there taking care of Skull and Spike." "Taking care of them? Like, because Spike was born differently than other humans?" "Spike isn't technically human. True, most of his genetic material came from Skull, but that was more incidental to necessity than anything else." Ryan must have looked completely out of his depth and the woman took pity on him (thankfully). "Talk to Billy; he can explain it better than I can without divulging information that I'm not sure qualifies as confidential or not." So, Ryan did. (He wished he hadn't.) * * She felt odd, not telling her guardians directly when the two young ones that had nothing to do with the Samurai Rangers found their way onto the property. But even though one of them was all scaled with wings and claws and breathed fire when he got over-excited or defensive, he was also very soft spoken and sweet; and the other one kept changing into soft things--a fawn being the first thing she saw wading through long grass, a fluffy calf that butted at her knees, a snowy owlet that had to waddle in exaggerated steps over terrain, a polar bear cub that brought her fresh fish from the nearby river when she'd been left to meditate without being checked on for a full twelve hours, and a Clydesdale foal that playfully found its way into carrying his two companions around until the sun set. Lauren's teachers and the Council were not happy about the little creatures finding their way into the compound that had been hiding the heir to Shiba for her training. They were even less happy when the little monsters, that introduced themselves to her as Spike and Olympius, ran off when her teacher noticed them and thought them dangerous or insidious, only for them to returned the next day looking much more human; their parents following after them looking very irate to find that the two hadn't been exaggerating Lauren's situation (plight). Lauren wasn't used to having people talk about her in a way that didn't involve her training, or her duties, or saving the world some day with the team of Rangers she would have to take up from her brother once she was back at Shiba House.  She was completely unaccustomed to anyone speaking up for her like she was an actual child and not just an adult walking around being much too small to do much of anything but go along with what higher authorities told her to. At eight years old, there were a lot of things she wasn't prepared to hear come from adults that didn't know her, but knew plenty about the Samurai Rangers and their roles in the world. "You're fucking ridiculous, that's what you are. Do you hear yourselves and how insane this plan actually is?" Lauren flinched a little from where her new companions--"When you're ready, you can call us friends,"--and she were waiting for the shouting match to end inside the deepest part of the dojo where the adults had disappeared. She wasn't all that afraid when one of the councilmen came out, anger

painting his face even with his perfect posture and his composed march towards her, speaking under his breath about tradition and how things were and, "What business queers and demon scum have getting involved," as he made to grab her and probably bring her into the adjoining room to use her as a prop. Show them how she was coming along in training. Remind her of her duty as Shiba heir. She was a little surprised to find Olympius ("Call him Prince," Spike would smile and coax her days and weeks later when she fumbled with the name on her tongue, gentle and kind and more patient with children older and younger and the same age as him due to being the oldest cousin of all the kids in his extended family, "A lot of us go by nicknames, and that one suits him just fine,") turned from the human child visage he'd been occupying--back into a small demon of her size, still growing into leather wings and out of dull claws, but with teeth no less sharp and fire no less able to burn. The councilman paused in his motion at the growling and bared teeth, eyeing the demon child, but dismissive once he noticed the prince's wings were still thin and the fire was red instead of blue. Spike was another story entirely when the councilman took Lauren's arm in hand, much too tight.  There was the sound he always made when he slipped out of his clothing that she got used to as she got older--like wet clay on a spinning board used to make pots and vases and cup--and then there was the unexpected force of him slamming into the councilman's face. He was still young, and in all his changes, was restricted to the age of the form he inhabited and their abilities (Ryan read Lauren and Prince books by masters of horror and sci-fi and fantasy once the small army of past and present, current and on-call rangers got involved and it was decided that Spike's uncle Bulk and Billy's friend Kim would station themselves in Panorama City to help and keep an eye on Jayden, and Lauren would stay with the man raised by demons and the demon prince himself; he read them Neil Gaiman and Stephen King and Ray Bradbury and it helped them understand a lot of things in the world around them that they never would have in another life where Lauren was left utterly alone for years and Olympius never got a chance to have a life of his own). Spike was also brilliant in his own ways, so instead of turning into a young snake or wolf pup, he went for something that grew quickly and had defenses. The councilman was on his ass and clutching his face before pulling his hands away just as bloody and in pain as he cursed the little black porcupine that stood protectively in front of Lauren and Olympius; most of the adults from the council rushing from the dojo with weapons drawn, but the three parents were quicker--Ryan and Skull especially. With Ryan's Titanium Morpher out for the council to see, shining on his wrist and at the ready, and a coin only Lauren saw as Skull crouched calmly (painfully) next to the children; it looked important, but understated as it hung down his neckline on a delicate--but absolutely not--chain around his neck. Billy was on a phone that really shouldn't have been able to work in the dojo, but she would learn that he could make a lot of things happen if given the opportunity. (Lauren didn't know how to feel about seeing Ji for the first time since she was six, looking exhausted hours later with a dozen Rangers from different teams in the dojo looking increasingly displeased with how the plan for the Shiba children's future had been planned out. He looked apologetic after The Plan had been discussed among all those there; Billy Cranston and Bulk and Tommy Oliver, Andros and T.J. Johnson, Kimberly Hart and Aisha Campbell, Carter Grayson and Dana Mitchell, Violet Arias and Zack Taylor all pointing out the flaws in assuming that a demon lord wouldn't find some loophole in the sealing symbol in his rest period. She'd been emotionally drained from listening to all these people telling her that her teachers were flawed, tradition was all well

and good in its place only if it worked, her father and his team needn't have died or been severely injured if they'd only asked for help. But she was still wide awake in the kitchen with the two boys curled up around her and their parents making them tea and dinner when Ji came in, looked at her in sorrow, and bowed low to her for a full minute before asking if he could give her a hug. She still had to be trained in secret, still had to be taught the sealing symbol, but Lauren found herself packing up the few belongings she had the next morning, tucked into the vehicle Dana had brought for Ryan, and found herself registered as the foster child of Prince's dad--others had offered, but Ryan was suggested by both Carter and Skull on the basis that he was both powerful and was better suited to the girl's temperament and training when it came down to it.) * * Olympius wasn't sure how he felt about Spike being sent off at seventeen to basically spy on Lauren's brother Jayden and his team with Bulk already acting as a second teacher and waiting ear for the Red Samurai Ranger, but Lauren thought it was both genius and funny--especially when they received his first report and message during breakfast a week later and Ryan came in looking for coffee wondering why the two of them were basically falling out of their seats laughing. When Lauren and Olypmius were called properly to Panorama almost a year later by Kim in a text message that had them both in a flurry to get there quicker, 'There was an incident with one of the demons and Spike had to change into something big that has all the Rangers in edge. The sooner you get here the better,' Ryan had to stop Lauren from packing nothing but her tampons, track suit, and morpher in a gym bag. Prince was already waiting in his human guise (very pretty; he looked a bit like if Joel and Chad had a baby with more of Ryan's facial features and was allowed to get tattoos that spoke of Islander cultures) with the keys to Ryan's range rover in hand and was immediately scolded by his dad, "No, no, no, you are not driving my van--that technically belongs to your aunt--when you're like this. Spike is fine--I talked to Bulk and Kim; he just couldn't go back to where he his clothes on the Shiba property were hidden and has to stay a snake around Bulk's neck for a bit." "Was it really that bad?" Prince asked, jumping immediately to the wrong conclusion as he at least agreed with Ryan that Lauren couldn't go to Shiba house with just the barest of the bare essentials; completely unembarrassed in taking the tampons out to help her add at least a few weeks' worth of clothes while their foster father looked away from the sanitation materials like he'd walked in on Dana and Carter in the middle of sex.  "No," the adult sighed, folding Lauren's pants and socks and looking very put upon; like this was the first time his kids had jumped into a tizzy about their friend that was more than capable of handling his own issues, and his cousins, and their own, "Jayden overestimated himself when fighting Deker and Dayu thought she'd take advantage of the situation while the other Rangers were fighting elsewhere. Spike had to bail him out." Lauren tried, she really did, but she had to prepare herself for the inevitable annoyance that she would feel as she asked, "How?" "Fire and flying." "...So, something that expands way more of his energy than teaching Mia what people can and cannot eat in the form of a chicken?" "While calling Jayden and Ji out when they're being stupid!" Prince added in, pointing like a game show host, trying for levity, "Can't forget that." Ryan almost--almost--told Olympius to be nice. But...no. He was right. All of them knew it. …They'd get into it when they went to Panorama. Ryan was comfortable lying to himself that his kids had some restraint.

[ecofinisher]

The adventures of Super Nathan 4 - Chap 3

Chapter 3

https://archiveofourown.org/works/29003949/chapters/71470740

https://www.wattpad.com/1019278760-the-adventures-of-super-nathan-4-chapter-3

In the afternoon Nathaniel stood in the kitchen watching over the dinner and behind him stood Luka holding a dressing bag filling into ten dessert glasses a light pink cream carefully avoiding making any mess with it.

„I believe that 5 or 6 would have been enough. We still got pudding and a small box with various pastries," Luka mentioned looking back at the redhead.

„I was afraid it wouldn't be enough," Nathaniel responded. „Or that everyone would prefer to eat something else. I'm still not sure if people like vanilla pudding,"

„I don't think anyone here disliked any of the desserts. It can come to the situation, that some may not enjoy elderberry, but it's a matter of taste of everyone's tongue,"

„I believe Lila may like it. I know she likes the elderberry syrup. There was this one day as she was pregnant she tried it and couldn't stop to want it for the rest of the evening," Explained the redhead making Luka chuckle.

„Ah I remember, but she drank it diluted, right?"

„Yes she did after the fourth bottle," Nathaniel answered. „Where should I have known you would drink it like that?"

„The notes on the bottle?" Luka responded making Nathaniel frown.

„Yes I could have read them before, but I forgot. What else do you want? I'm not perfect,"

„Well I knew this since a little child, but well we're not born with all knowledge,"

„You know the time Lila was pregnant was cool and all, but her mood swings and raising eating habits were getting into the nerves with the time. I never thought that going through pregnancy would be this .....adventurous,"

„I know how you felt. You had to see Adrien or Ivan dealing with it," Remembered Luka. „I encountered him one night organizing for Kagami a pair of wool socks because she was freezing and it was about 30 degrees at night. He complained to me where that made sense,"

„If you thought that was weird, I had to buy Lila a sweatshirt where it had XY's face on it and she hates XY,"

„Now that's strange," Luka confessed. „Look I just finished this and will put it inside the fridge. Shall I help you out with something?" Questioned the raven-haired man opening up the fridge, so he could put two desserts after the other into it.

„For now on it's fine," Nathaniel responded, then Luka walked across the kitchen to look at the outside to see Marinette put the plates on the table followed by her son Rouven which carried for the mother the plates and Nathalie added the napkins on top of them.

„I will help Marinette on setting up the table," Luka announced walking through the corridor to leave the house, where he took up a bunch of knives from the end of the table and followed Nathalie to add them to it.

„See Dad? I'm helping mommy too," Rouven announced proudly making his father smile.

„You're doing a great job, buddy," Complimented the man making his son smile, then watch his mother take the last place of his hands afterward Marinette pecked the boy on the cheek.

„Thank you so much, my little prince," Marinette said, then Rouven held up for his father his hand to earn a high five, but before he earned it he spotted the boy Elliot Agreste enter into the lot of the Kurtzbergs along with his parents making Rouven smile excited, then he ran to encounter the blonde boy giving him a high five leaving Luka back chuckling at seeing the two friends.

„You're here too!" Rouven mentioned making Elliot nod.

„I'm surprised to see you here Adrien," Luka mentioned looking at the adult, which nodded.

„Kagami told me she forgot about today's occasion and told me about it, but I insisted to come along. I took one of the books to any chance I got to use it," Adrien mentioned. „You know because of the exam,"

„Take a break Adrien, you have probably studied the entire day for it. Enjoy the time you're here with us," Luka offered making Adrien smile.

„Thanks for the offer, but I still prefer to focus a little on the learning. We watched before along with Elliot and Hope the movie they were watching yesterday on repeat today," Adrien explained placing his hand on the boy's shoulder.

„I can't believe Rocky was the bad guy. He was always very nice to everyone," Elliot complained making Adrien chuckle and caress the boy on his face.

„The plot is a little hard for your age to follow champ. We can later on try to explain to you what led Rocky to be the bad guy in the movie," Mentioned the blonde man earning a nod from the son.

„Hey Elliot wanna play tag with me?" Questioned Rouven earning a nod from Elliot, then Rouven touched Elliot on the elbow and ran off. „You're it!" Shouted the raven-haired boy making Elliot laugh and run behind the friend. Nathalie chuckled at seeing the two boys run, then watched Elliot stop and look at her, then he made his way toward the girl scaring her off to run along with Rouven away from him and began to laugh with the boys playing the tag game.

Later on, the adults sat at the table chatting with the exception of Adrien, which had his nose inside a book to study.

„We're still working on animal-themed suits for the singing competition, which will start in September. It's quite hard to design an ostrich-themed costume for someone on the stage," Marinette explained earning a nod from Kagami.

„Who will be wearing the outfit?" Questioned Kagami. „Do you already know that?"

„No, we receive the measurements and along with them we have to create the costume,"

„What costumes are also being designed if I may ask?" Questioned the redhead.

„Sure you can. The ones we're working on currently are a dinosaur, a dog, a zebra, and a penguin," Responded Luka's wife. „The upcoming ones are an albatross, a leopard, a crab, and a clownfish,"

„Wow the last two sound hard,"

„Believe me, this will be a challenge,"

„I saw the work you were doing on that ostrich. I believe you and the others will be really successful with them either," Assured the husband making Marinette smile and lean her forehead on his.

„Thanks Luka,"

Luka leaned his chin over Marinette's head and glanced at Adrien, which was focussed on the book and Kagami was having a glass of water.

„What do you usually do at the animal center of Mr. Agreste?" Questioned Luka looking at Kagami.

„Check orders for the house, appointments, follow requests of adoptions or visits, notice down specific changes of certain animals in and outside of the cage, moving them around. Pretty much the same as my mother-in-law is doing," Kagami responded. „It's not every day the same, but it has lots of aspects that are fixed to be done at some point,"

„You're really fine working together with Adrien's parents?" Questioned Luka curious.

„I always heard family business was difficult, because of the relationships and all," Nathaniel mentioned putting into his glass lemonade juice.

„Yes but so far we never had issues due to us being in the same family. I don't know how others have experienced it," Kagami mentioned. „Also I have only been there for about a year,"

„My parents love you Kagami. There's no way, they could think otherwise of you," Adrien commented glancing at his wife making her smile at his comment.

„How does your mother feel about Adrien?" Luka asked.

„She's fine with him, don't worry. She actually enjoys knowing when I'm not able to be around to help her, that he can,"

„A mother-in-law always appreciates this from their son-in-law," Nathaniel mentioned making Marinette giggle along with Luka.

„Indeed," Luka agreed, then watched Elliot appear walking towards his parents and placed his hand on Adrien's elbow.

„Daddy, will you play with us?" Elliot asked followed by Adrien looking down at his son a little neutral at the quest.

„Uh has it to be now?" Questioned Adrien earning a nod from Elliot.

„Pretty please?" Begged the son making Luka grin at his friend, then Adrien rolled his eyes at Kagami, which shrugged her shoulders, then Adrien sighed and placed down his book.

„Well your Daddy could really use another break," Adrien mentioned getting up from his chair, then watched Rouven come along to grab Luka on his hand to follow him.

„Dad you will be the villain. You will be Rocky the fire guy," Rouven announced making Luka chuckle.

„You're saying that now, because I have flames on the edge of my pants, right?" Luka questioned earning a nod from the son.

„What will we be then?" Questioned Adrien looking down at his son, making Elliot think.

„I will be Ken, the brother of Kiara. You or your dad will be Uncle Norm and the girl Ally," Rouven mentioned earning a nod from Elliot.

„Uncle Norm sounds like a good role for me," Adrien mentioned. „Can I keep him?"

„Can I be a boy instead? I don't know how to be a girl" Elliot questioned earning a nod from the father.

„Yeah....you can be called.....Ali or so. It's a boy name," Explained the father earning a nod from Elliot.

„Okay," Elliot replied, then Rouven ran against Elliot and waved his arms against him making a wind sound watching Elliot sit down on the ground.

„I've hit you with my wind power!" Rouven announced making Elliot laugh, then Elliot got up and swung his arms forward to pretend to be throwing water at the friend.

„Splash!" Elliot shouted, then Adrien observed his son run behind Rouven and Nathalie, afterward Luka followed the kids and packed Nathalie causing her to scream, afterward she laughed as Luka began to tickle her.

„Ken! Help me!" Shouted Nathalie, then Rouven stopped along with Elliot and the raven-haired boy ran against his father and held his hands in front of his father.

„I'm using wind on you Rocky!" Rouven shouted watching Luka place down Nathalie on the ground then fall back down on his back.

„Woah.....lehlehlehleh....too much wind.....," Luka mimicked trying to play it out to the kids the role of getting hit by a wind blow. Adrien began to laugh, then approached the kids around Luka, which began to tickle the older adult making him laugh.

„Hey.....Ali, where should I help you out?" Questioned Adrien, then Elliot pulled Adrien's arms on Luka's taille to tickle him there. „You know I have a better idea, son," Adrien told placing his arms under his son's arms tickling the boy causing him to laugh.

„No dad, stop it!" The boy ordered laughing at the tickle attack of the father. „Mom, help me!" Elliot called making Kagami laugh and get up from the table to stick her hands under Adrien's arms to tickle him making him go off Elliot and fall down on his back. Elliot began to tickle his father from behind Adrien's head under the arms, while Kagami was on her knees tickling her husband on the side of his belly.

„No, no, no! Please.....I can't hold it!" Adrien complained as his wife joined in, afterward, the others stopped watching only Elliot and Kagami tickle Adrien, then Elliot stopped still cackling from the fun and observed his mother play with his father, soon she looked up at her husband's face and smiled warmly at him. Elliot noticed their minor loveable interaction and looked up at Luka, which saw it too then gave a thumb up at the blonde boy.

Nathaniel got up from the table running at the exit of the plot with his smartphone, which he held on the road and raised his fist in victory, and looked back at the guests.

„Hey guys! Lila's is almost here!" Nathaniel announced. „Nathalie your mom is coming!" Nathaniel shouted making the daughter smile and ran toward the father, which picked her up to show her far on the end of the road a black taxi come along making Nathalie happy.

„Mommy is coming!" Nathalie commented with a smile, then the guests reunited around the Kurtzberg's to await Lila's taxi to arrive.

„Is it that black Sport class?" Questioned Kagami watching on the left side of the window a hand raise out to wave at the guests. „There she is," Kagami mentioned earning a nod from her husband.

„Wave your arm," Nathaniel asked watching his daughter obey the father with a chuckle watching along with the father the vehicle approach the last crossroad before their house, soon as the car was in the middle of it from the right side a dark-blue hatchback appeared, then pulled the brakes at the moment he crashed against the taxi causing it to flip around shrieking all the guests that had witnessed it along with the Kurtzbergs.

„Nooo!" Shouted the redhead as the taxi lied on his head and the other car stood with a damaged front beside the car. Nathalie stared at the cars shocked about what she just saw, then Marinette got in front of the two.

„Look at me you two, focus me," Marinette asked watching Nathaniel look at the car, then Nathalie began to cry and Marinette embraced the two unsure about how she should handle the situation. Nathaniel stared horrified at seeing the state of the two vehicle, then felt Marinette move his face away from the scene and gazed at her husband, which was on the smartphone typing down a number. „Luka?" Marinette asked watching him look at the cars, then she rolled her eyes at Kagami, which led Rouven and Elliot into the house, then Marinette grabbed Nathaniel by his arm to pull him away from there and she gazed back to see Adrien head towards the cars, seconds later followed by her husband, which made his way to the blue car while Adrien was trying to open the door of the driver, which he couldn't move due to it being damaged.

„I will see if they need any help. Make sure they don't get to us," Kagami ordered Marinette which nodded and led Nathaniel along with his daughter back to the house, where they sat down on the couch next to the boys, which were looking sad at their friend's state.

„Maman, will Mrs. Kurtzberg be okay?" Rouven questioned, then Marinette sat down between him and Elliot and placed her arms behind the two boys.

„At the moment I don't know what I can tell you. Dad called the ambulance and Adrien and Kagami are trying to help, where they can," Marinette responded. „The only thing we can do is to wait here for the professionals to come and take care of the rest," Marinette explained and looked at Nathaniel, which embraced his daughter tight, which was sobbing about what she witnessed. Elliot looked up at Marinette, which noticed his sad feeling and caressed him on the head, then the blonde wrapped his arms around the woman, which took him along with her son tight to her to give them comfort.

[bohemiansweede]

HOT SPACE

HOT SPACE

Fanfic

Pairing Brian May Reader

Warnings Smut 🔞

A/N Please like and reblog or if you want leave a comment

Thank You

✴️✴️✴️✴️✴️✴️✴️✴️✴️✴️✴️✴️

- No.. I really like the "HOT SPACE" album Bri.. No matter what you or the critics might think..

- It's fuckin disco Y/N...

- Maybe it will take time for it to sink in for some people.. And it is just because you don't dance.. You'll never know.. maybe you like it later on..

Brian shrugged his shoulders and took down the last of his beer before he hinted to the bartender to give him another one

He looked around and saw John, clearly drunk dancing on around the tables, Freddie was happy, he chatted and mingled with everyone, Roger was cheerful and snuggled in his girlfriends neck

- Damn it.. This party sucks aswell.. maybe I begin tog get to old for this shit

The release party was a huge success for everyone.. well.. Everyone else but Brian

- Bri C'mon.. Cheer up a little, a new tour is coming, you enjoy to be on the road right?

- Yeah.. It's not that love.. Ehhmm, I have been thinking a lot lately and... I am well over 30 and.. Damnit.. I don’t have my own family.. Even Roger.. Can you believe Roger got a kid before ME!!

- Brian, you are drunk.., you have never mentioned this before..

You could clearly see the panic form in his eyes and even if he had been drinking, you knew he was right

You sipped on your drink and twirled the tiny umbrella between your fingers

- I am serious Y/N.. I have been so deep into writing and music that I have just literally missed everything else around me and.. I know that don't have a biological clock like you girls but... still... And you? You are still falling for wrong guys or am missing something?

You knew that he was right

All idiots were drawn to you like magnets, and you were closing in on 30..shit

- Sooo... What are you plan then, you are not exactly meeting your wife while sitting in your studio.. Or.. Hey.. You can go to one of thoose clinics and wank off in a mug... Giggle

- No fuckin way.. Are you fuckin mad??? I am kinda famous.. Have you forgot that?

You kept giggling, you could see him in front of you, sneak in there with a big coat and hat..

- Sry Bri... Just thought... Well... If not that and adoption is a deal for you.. I have a suggestion...

He stopped in motion and you could see his eyes widened like he already knew what you were about to say, you had been friends for a few years now and always joked about stuff but..

- Brian.. You want a a kid, a family... so do I, Ehhh.. Sooo ... why not help eachother?

Brian spat out his beer over the bar and almost dropped the glass and if his eye wasn't already fully wide..

His mouth fell open and he started to stutter and you were not quite sure if he was laughing or not

- Ohh.. Omg.. Y/N.. Ehh.. You said I was drunk but.. Omg.. You mean... Shit... Seriously?

He stopped laughing and looked and your serious face

- Omg.. You're really serious

- Hey guys!!! Cheer up!!!

Freddie came bouncing and slammed his palm in Brians back

- The party is over there!!, He pointed with his thumb towards the back of the room

- You go ahead Bri, I think it's time for me to go home..

- You sure sweetie? He wrapped you into a big hug that only he could, are we still having dinner next Friday?

- Yes.. I'll be over at 7 as usual.. You gaved a soft kiss on his cheek and saw him leaving with Freddie

You tried to not think of the embarrassing incidence during the week.

But had you really made a fool of yourself and said theese things? .. If so, you could only hope he would not remember any of it from that night

For as long as you could recall, you tried to hold on to the ritual to see eachother every Friday, from the beginning it was four of you from a science class, now it was only you and Brian

Of course it was a strouggle during the tour, but then he always called instead, from Asia, USA.. Sometimes boyfriends or girlfriends had joined and a few occasions you had been little waisted so you had shared a kiss or two, but.. never more...

You smiled for yourself while you jumped out from the taxi, Brian the hopeless romantic and gentleman

You really wished the best for him, a really sweet girl someone who..

- Y/N!!! HI!!!!!

- Hi Bri... Am I early?

- No.. God you look beautiful .., the food is in the owen, come in

He placed a soft kiss on your forehead and you breathed in his aftershave, he always smelled so good

- I brought wine, shall I open it?

You went into the kitchen where he had prepared vegetarian food, he were an amazing chef, your stomach almost screamed of hunger

He stod silent behind you.. watching

- Y/N.. The other day

- Bri.. I..

- No... S'alright.. been thinking tho... What did you mean when you said we should help eachother

Shit.. There was no turning back from this, he remembered.. every single word

Sometimes you really wish you were an ostrich

- You ok hunnie? He caressed your upper arm and an electrical stream went through your spine

- Brian.. Thing is.. You swallowed hard.. I was kinda hoping you forgot..

- I do not forget things like that Y/N..

You started to fiddle with the corkscrew..

- Have you changed your mind

- No.. No.. But.. I.. We didn't finish talk about it and.. It is not just to buy a loaf of bread you know..

It became silent again, you started to sip on your wine, no matter what were about to happen it was best to get shitfaced, in the corner of your eye you saw Brian pour a glass for himself aswell and never taken it down so fast

- Don't missjudge me, you are very attractive and it is not that... I wa.. I don’t... Damn it... But our friendship.. I am afraid that we are losing what we have..

- Me to Bri..me too, but I want a kid aswell .. And if this is the only way for us.. We might have both friendship and a baby..

- But... He put down his glass.. If it doesn't work.. I mean.. Do we ke..

- Keep trying? Yes.. I want it to work.., you closed the gap between the two of you

- B.. But.. This means that we are going to have sex right.. Shit.. I can't just.. you know.. without touching.. And..

He closed his eyes and bit his lower lip

You placed your head on his chest and trailed your hands up and down his back

- It's ok Bri.. It is just me...

- That's the thing... It's you.. You.. My friend.. My everything..

- Brian... Look at me

It was almost like he forbid himself to look at you, he shok his head and a tiny tear fell from his eye

- I want you... I want th..this.. s.. so bad.. He stuttered.. pl please.. let me kiss you

Finally your lips met, you let out a tiny whimper and your fingers tangled in his dark curls

You pushed your body against his and his hands fumbled with your blouse

- Oh.. No.. Brian.. Shit.. I want this to be so perfect.. Our first time.. Shall we.. shall we.. you phanted in his mouth

- It.. It is perfect love... It is with you..

He turned off the stove, the food were less important now, took your hand and led you down the hall to his bedroom

Never before had your own heart beaten so fast, it felt like your first time all over again, in one way it was but now it was with a man you were so sure of, that you had known so long

His head fell back and his eyes closed again.. you kissed him softly on his exposed neck and he started to breathe faster, his strong arms pulled you closer and you felt every muscle, every fibre in his body wanting you

- L.. Let me touch you..

His voice almost cracked

You helped him by taking his hand up to your breast and already hard nipple, he cupped it gently and started touching it while moaning in your ear

- Please Bri... I...

- Sssscchh... I know... I know.. Let's not rush it ok.. I have wanted to touch you for so long..

Your hips bucked against his crotch, you whole body was in flames

You tried desperately to unbuttoned his shirt and you both giggled a little

He cupped your face with his big hands and looked deep into your eyes

- You do know that I love you so much Y/N..

He kissed you with such passion and intensity, his tounge left a trail along your neck like a lava stream

- Omg Bri.. I.. I love I love you too...

- Mmmmm... There is soo much I want.. Mmm I want to do with you... I have thought about this so long..

He laid you down on the bed as you were a treasure, and hooked his long finger in your jeans

- Lift up hunnie

He smirked up at you and you tried to help him wiggle down your tight jeans, in same motion came your underwear and he gasped after air

- Brian... You have seen this before haven't you..

- N.. Not yours... Shit I.. Want to make you feel so good but I am afraid I might explode

- Bri.. We have time..

He took his long fingers and drawed patterns on your inner thighs while looking at your glistening core, with one finger he followed the slit between your folds up towards your nub and stopped

He looked at you while circling your clit fast with his thumb, his other hand held a tight grip around his member

He removed his thumb and replaced it with his mouth, he flicked his tongue in fast motion, he whined and whimpered against your core and you could tell he was struggling to hold back

- Ahhh Brian ohhh God, feels so good.. Ahhh yes....

Your walls were soon contracting in an orgasm and you took a firm grip in his hair and pulled him closer

- Bri... Ohh Bri... Please... I am ready.. Make me pregnant...

He looked up and smiled at you and once again you saw the tears were building up in his eyes..

Also you felt it...

This could be it..

It could be happening

He placed himself between your legs and kissed you soft on your lips and pushed a piece of your hair behind your ear

You felt him in your entrance slightly stretching you out bit by bit

You were trembling under him

You moved together in unison

His body were shaking and you knew that he could not hold back so much longer

- Omg Y/N... I.. Oh God ohhh.. I am so close...

He tried to slow down his pace but you stopped him by wrapping your legs around his back

- Ohh Yes Brian Fill me.. Fill me.. Please Ahh yes...

You could feel every vein on his throbbing cock was ready to push his seed inside your body

He snapped his hips a few more times until he came, you felt his warm wave of cum through your walls

Your final contractions emptied him on the last drops..

You wanted everything

All your limbs were tangled together, you laid like that for a long time before anyone said anything

- Do you think it worked Y/N?

- Mmmmm maybe?

- You know we cannot go back to the way we were even if it didn't work right away...

- I don't want to Brian...

- Me neither..

This had changed everything for you

And this first weekend actually did work... It planted a little seed inside of you

But neither of you knew that yet

That is another story

✴️✴️✴️✴️✴️✴️✴️✴️✴️✴️✴️✴️

Enjoy more reading in my masterlist

[sheepbutthead]

All to pretty asks.

some pretty asks✨

angel; is there anyone you’d do anything for?

I don’t know about anything but there are people I would do almost anything for.

galaxy; what fascinates you?

A bunch of stuff, man. How people think, how our bodies work, how ice always forms in structures with multiples of six sides, how music works. I’m easily impressed with the universe, my man.

melody; favorite artists?

Ummm I like a bunch of artists, both musically and like with imagery art. I like the Front Bottoms, Jack Stauber, Arctic Monkeys, Jack Johnson, Joji, Laura Marling, Dodie, Tessa Violet, Neutral Milk Hotel, Oliver Tree, Phil Collins, Post Malone, Yellow Ostrich for music. I like a fuckton of like imagery artists and they’re all on Instagram besides Monet or Van Gogh. I like rabbitfears, mattgordon_paintings, borisgroh, toothy.bj, faunwood, ohnonatalie, mrmtacchia, missmonstermel, samanthamashillustration, lucyknisley, drydenart, babezord, cyarine, perryfellow, teaganwh, petemohrbacher. 

silk; what outfit makes you feel confident?

I don’t really have one I guess. I like wearing this burgundy, soft, long sleeve button up with my black pants I guess. I also like wearing my blazer/hoodie combo coat thing. Makes me feel pretty cool yo. Also my alien hat always helps.

rose; favorite flower?

I really like the lotus flower.

sun; favorite season

Autumn

film; favorite movie/tv show?

Don’t do this to me. Movies: Secret Life of Walter Mitty, Speed Racer, Blair Witch Project, and honestly so many more I can’t answer. TV Show: Parks and Rec, Office, Black Mirror, Explained, and so many more honestly.

gorgeous; what do you like in a person?

Humor, understanding, smart, someone that’ll kinda snap me out of it when I’m too focused on something stupid, independent, aannnddd it doesn’t hurt to have a similar sex drive I’mjustsaying.

diamond; favorite color?

I like dark reds, blues, greys, and sooometimes dark greens.

infatuation; first crush?

My first crush was this girl in preschool who was older than me and never talked to me. I think her named started with like a K or a C?

dream; how long do you sleep on average?

Oh buddy, not enough

brilliant; what celebrity do people say you look like?

Well when I was younger my girlfriend at the time always said I looked like Michael Cera but now no one really says who I look like because I kinda outgrew that look.

perfume; favorite scent?

Oh dude, who knows. Fresh cut wood, food cooking, my soap, wax, probably more.

fleece; have any pets?

I have one cat whose name is Spoopy and I love her. I have one dog whose name is Dusty and he is old and I love him. There’s another dog named Piggy but he’s my sister’s and he can be kind of an ass.

pigment; what color is your hair naturally? if you could dye it any color which one would you choose?

My hair is naturally a dirty blonde. I would dye it like a white or silver. That’d be cool.

charcoal; do you have a good relationship with your parents?

Honestly, not really. My mom is super judgy and we’re always kind of tense around each other. Dad is just kind of awkward to be around and I’m always wanting to be in his good favor. I love them both but they can be super dramatic  soooooooo that’s where I get that from.

ocean; do you take a yearly vacation?

Nahh we used to but ya know, money is a thing. That is needed. That we don’t have.

murky; biggest fear?

Man, I don’t know. Everyone is kind of scared of death. Maybe that I’ll stop changing and growing. That I’ll end up like my parents and always push people away to end up alone. Or really anything like my parents. Maybe that I’ll never figure my shit out. Just typical stuff really.

devotion; are you taken?

The aliens take me every night to chill in there ship where I cry on their shoulders and they pat my back and give me hot chocolate before I introduce them to some Earth movies on their space couch in their space living room in their space ship.

lingerie; what do you wear to bed?

Yes. Lingerie. Only the finest ratty, hole filled shirts and pants. I literally have a giant whole in my crotch that lets in the worst breeze but I can’t be bothered to sew it up properly and also I’m tired.

daydream; best memory?

Really any memory of hanging out with friends or someone I really care about doing fun stuff. Like old parties or adventures or more intimate stuff.

joy; best feeling you’ve ever experienced?

Dude I have no fucking clue. Maybe like getting a really cool or specific gift for my birthday. Or people actually thinking to reach out to me to invite me to stuff or just talk. That feels pretty good to be honest. 

masque; what’s your skincare routine?

All I do is wash my face with warm water and soap in the shower and everything’s been ok for me so far.

valentine; best gift you’ve ever received?

I don’t think I’ve ever really received a Valentine’s gift besides maybe some candy in high school. That’s all I can really remember. 

parchment; favorite book?

Right now it’s either All the Bright Places or The Good Inn. I haven’t really had the time to read any other books lately so it hasn’t changed much over the years. But it’s probably The Good Inn.

garden; do you have a garden? plants?

I do have a few little succulents I take care of. I have a cactus and a succulent I adopted from my sister when she left them to die. My fuzzy succulent was a birthday gift, my sedum was a stolen treasure, and I bought my aloe from Walmart.

oasis; dream destination?

I’d really love to go to Santorini, Greece or Iceland or Quebec, Canada. Or any of the ancient Greek places. Quebec, Canada has this Winter Festival I’d love to see.

sense; best subject? favorite subject?

I’m not particularly great at any subject besides maybe music? Maybe? I do like music.

footprints; do you want kids?

Ehhh I don’t know. If I do have any I kind of just want one.

rainbow; what’s your sexuality?

Eyyyy yoooo I’m a bi guy, my dude

sweater; do you prefer loose or baggy clothes?

I guess just loose? I don’t want it to be super baggy unless it’s like a sweater or something like that. But I also don’t want it to be super tight. So yeah just loose.

nail laquer; punk or pastel?

Both, bitch

1975; if you could time travel to any time period, what would it be and why?

God, I dunno. I’m a white male so really I’d be doing great in any time besides maybe like the War World II era because of my Jew-ness. The Industrial Revolution would be pretty cool. Or the Bronze Age.

tattoos; do you have/want and tattoos and piercings?

I don’t really want any piercings but I have A BUNCH of ideas for tattoos.

[kuriquinn]

Why Sasuke Uchiha Will Never Drink Again [One-Shot]

Masterlist & Disclaimer

Summary: One of Konoha’s best kept secrets is no longer a secret.

Disclaimer: This story utilises characters, situations and premises that are copyright Masashi Kishimoto, Shueisha, Shonen Jump and Viz media. No infringement on their respective copyrights pertaining to episodes, novelisations, comics or short stories is intended by KuriQuinn in any way, shape or form. This fan-oriented story is written solely for the author's own amusement and the entertainment of the readers. It is not for profit. Any resemblance to real organizations, institutions, products or persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

All plot and Original Characters except for those introduced in the canon books, manga, video games, novelizations and anime, are the sole creation of KuriQuinn. (© KuriQuinn 2016- )

Rating: T

Warning: Mild OOC? They’re characters that grew up differently than the canon, so a little bit of change in personality. Mentions of OCs (Manako Inuzuka)

Canon/Fanon Compliance: AU ‘verse. Sasuke left Konoha, but he came back right away or right after training or something. Team 7 went on to become ANBU

"This," Sasuke says, "is ridiculous."

"No, this is genius," Naruto retorts. "And long overdue. You're back for the first time in two years—with a secret baby you didn't tell anyone about—"

"Because you wouldn't have overreacted about it at all," Sai interjects.

"—and I finally have a night off from learning all the most boring Hokage crap—"

"Ahem," Kakashi cough as he carefully pours several shot glasses full of the strongest nihonshu that Tsunade ever hid in the Hokage's office. He still keeps it around for days when his choices are between getting blind drunk or committing homicide.

Usually because of the three other men in the room with him and their female teammate.

"—and our lovely wives are catching Sakura up on two years of gossip—"

Sasuke rolls his eyes. "It wasn't two years, idiot."

"—so we are going to spend the night doing manly bonding stuff," Naruto concludes.

"Which apparently involves copious amounts of alcohol."

"Damn straight."

"Why am I here?" Sai asks. "I'm secure enough in my masculinity that I don't need 'manly bonding stuff'."

Kakashi raises an eyebrow at him. "Did you just use air quotes?"

"Did I not do it properly?"

"No, you did. It's just…weird."

"Noted."

"I'm going home," Sasuke sighs and heads toward the door. "Kakashi, I'll be back to give you my report tomorrow, when you're not surrounded by morons."

"Hm, it appears what Sakura told Ino was true," Sai remarks innocently.

"Huh. Looks like," Naruto agrees, also affecting a casual tone of voice.

"I never would have believed it," Kakashi concludes, and Sasuke can practically hear him shaking his head.

He stops, mid-step, and his eyes drift closed in resignation. Every brain cell he was ever given tells him to ignore it. People have goaded him with worse in the past and he has learned not to rise to the bait.

However—

It's Naruto. And an insinuation by Naruto does not go unanswered, for any reason.

"What has my wife been saying?" Sasuke asks, not turning around and trying to keep his tone carefully measured.

"Only that your alcohol tolerance is worse than Lee's," his oldest friend concludes happily. "And here I was going to give you a chance to prove that was just a lie…"

Sasuke's jaw clenches, hearing the challenge in Naruto's voice, and he really should just keep going.

Of course, that's not what he does.

Whirling around he marches towards the filled shot glasses and reaches for one, intending to throw it down his throat just to prove he isn't worried about it.

Naruto stops him.

"Hey-hey, hold on, you're not just gonna chug them!" he protests. "Where's the fun in that?"

"Ah, is this where the 'manly bonding stuff' comes in?" Sai inquires. "I assume you have some kind of drinking game in mind, then?"

"Not happening," Sasuke declares, although he doesn't return on his path to the door.

"Kiba showed it to me," Naruto says cheerfully. "It's called ‘Never Have I Ever’."

"Oh, this is going to go well," Kakashi gives a resigned sigh.

"The rules are easy! Someone confesses something they have never done, and the other people who have done that thing all have to take a shot," Naruto explains.

"And the point of this is…?" Sasuke asks.

"To see who passes out drunk first," Sai says.

"And manly bonding," Naruto adds.

"I'm going home," Sasuke says.

"I can assign you cat retrieval missions from now until Sarada enters the Academy," Kakashi points out innocently.

Sasuke glares and takes a seat in front of the desk where several shot glasses are just waiting to be consumed.

"Very well, I will go first," Sai declares, considering for a moment. Then he beams. "I have never sung karaoke."

Naruto throws back a shot, and Kakashi sighs before doing the same.

"Really?" Sai asks.

"It was one of Gai's tamer challenges," Kakashi says, which explains it all. He side-eyes his former students. "Never have I ever snuck into a movie."

Naruto and Sasuke exchange glances and down their drinks.

"Why would you bother doing that?" Sai wants to know.

"We were thirteen," Naruto explains. "And technically we paid. But sitting on the ceiling wasn't exactly allowed, so we had to sneak in."

"But…why?"

"Training," Sasuke answers shortly, and then smirks at Naruto. He nods at one of the shots in front of him. "I have never accidentally set myself on fire."

Naruto glares, but reaches for the drink nonetheless. "That was once."

"It still happened."

"Yeah, well I never set someone on fire on purpose."

Sasuke snorts but reaches for his drink without outward complaint. Kakashi takes a drink as well.

Through that damned mask, as usual. I guess it's a good thing you're not supposed to taste the alcohol anyhow…

Sasuke's eye twitches as the liquor burns its way down his throat, and he wonders if it's possible to learn to speed up one's metabolism in a matter of minutes. He knows kunoichi are taught that trick in the Academy and makes a mental note to ask Sakura about it later.

As for now, he is going to have to play this ridiculous game in a manner that gets his friends inebriated before he hits his limit.

Sakura is going to pay for mentioning this…

"Never have I ever…" Sai begins, and then says brightly, "urinated in the shower."

Kakashi groans in disgust and Sasuke casually tells him, "There is something deeply wrong with you." When Naruto turns red and takes a shot, he adds, "And in your case, that goes without saying."

"I blame dealing with your bullshit," Naruto shoots back.

"Now, now, let's think of happier things," Kakashi lectures in a mocking tone. "For example, the fact that I have never been beaten up by an ostrich."

Sai sniggers as Naruto and Sasuke adopt identical beleaguered expressions and throw back their respective shots.

"Why are you guys picking on me?" Naruto complains, wiping his mouth.

"It's not our fault you've done pretty much every idiotic thing under the sun," Sasuke retorts, having to concentrate on enunciating his words. His cheeks feel a little warmer than usual, too. "Unlike you, I've never graffitied public property."

Naruto reaches for the next shot and sneers at Sasuke, "Yeah, but at least I've never been to prison. That's pretty idiotic."

Sasuke chooses not to reply to that, mostly because he still retains enough of his (ever-lessening) judgement to know that picking a fight while under the influence of alcohol would be a bad idea.

Also, he's pretty sure that Sakura would kill him. And Hinata would give him that disappointed look, the one that always makes him feel like he's kicked a puppy.

In deference of a wife with super-strength and not facing any kicked-puppy expressions from the mouse of a woman that could conceivably kill him with two fingers if she felt the inclination, Sasuke lets it go.

This time.

"My turn," Sai pipes up. "I have never streaked naked through the village."

Sasuke glances at Naruto, half-expecting him to take a drink, but the blond man simply looks amused at the idea. To everyone's surprise, Kakashi takes a drink.

Naruto guffaws and Sasuke raises an eyebrow at him. "Another of Gai's contests?"

"Yes."

"Clearly Naruto isn't the only one with tendencies toward poor judgement," Sai determines.

"Oh, I wouldn't call it poor," Kakashi muses, "it was actually quite liberating. You'd be surprised how good it feels to have a breeze between your—"

"Nope! Uh-uh, don’t want to know! Stop talking!" Naruto yells, while Sasuke's eye begins to twitch again. "It's your turn anyhow, Kakashi-sensei."

The white-haired man sighs. "Are you guys ever going to stop calling me sensei? I haven't been your squad leader since you were kids."

"If it helps, I never called you sensei," Sasuke points out. Then he frowns, because that was a little more candid than usual. His head is beginning to feel like it's being buoyed up by cotton. Why did he think this was a good idea again?

Kakashi regards him with an amused look in his eyes, and shakes his head. Then he juts his neck toward Sai, "Never have I have crossed-dressed.

Sai blinks. "How did you know about that?"

"Manako saw you. She says you're surprisingly adept at walking in high heels."

"Ino makes me practice," Sai shrugs, throwing his drink down his throat.

"Why?" Naruto demands, looking scandalised.

Sai smirks. "Now, that would be telling, wouldn't it?"

"At least he's finally had something to drink," Sasuke mutters.

"Why, are you worried you'll be the only one inebriated here, Coward?"

Sasuke narrows his eyes. "Never have I ever been part of a secret black ops organization."

Sai frowns and takes a shot; Kakashi does as well.

"Can we perhaps stay away from the darker topics?" he suggests.

"Good idea," Naruto says. He pauses to think, and frowns as if he can't think up anything good. In the end he settles on, "I have never sung in the shower."

Kakashi and Sai both drink.

"Did you even know what a shower was before marrying Hinata?" Sasuke challenges.

"At least I knew what a naked woman looked like before I got married."

"Oh, have we moved on to nudity then?" Sai speaks up, interrupting Sasuke's inner argument about whether to throw a fireball at his friend or electrocute him. "I have never engaged in naked pursuits with a woman that is not my wife."

"'Naked pursuits'?" Naruto asks.

"Sex, you moron," Sasuke rolls his eyes.

"Oh. Oh."

Kakashi reaches for a shot. When he notices Naruto and Sasuke's somewhat judgemental expressions he snorts.

"I wasn't a monk before I met you guys, you know. Not all of us can have some great, epic love story that spans years and continents, or ruins lives and sheds blood. Sometimes a good relationship starts out just as sex," he takes a drink, and then looks around as if he hasn't just imparted some oddly deep philosophy. "My turn, right? Alright—my first kiss wasn't with a man."

Naruto and Sasuke make identical noises of choked outrage and grudgingly down their shots.

"I heard about that," Sai sniggers. "Ino says it nearly caused a riot and that Naruto is lucky to have lived through puberty."

"Damn right he is," Sasuke mutters.

"Your turn, my adorable student," Kakashi points out.

"I'm thinking…"

"Oh, wow, only five shots and you already have to think?" Naruto jeers.

"Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't counting drinks invalidate things somehow?" Sai wonders. "Or does that just mean you haven't had enough?"

"Shut up. I have one," Sasuke interrupts, an idea coming to him before he can think too clearly about what his former teacher just said. "I have never read porn."

"There's a difference between porn and erotica," Kakashi grumbles, although he takes a shot; Naruto and Sai do as well.

"Semantics. It's still something closet perverts like you three do."

"That was research—and it paid off!" Naruto points out. "Remember the time my Reverse Harem Jutsu almost saved the world?"

"And how many naked men did you have to look at to get that one right?" Sai wonders. "At least when I've watched porn, it's been women."

"Your wife lets you watch porn?" Sasuke asks, squinting at the other man. For some reason that doesn't jive with what he knows of Ino.

"Hey! I've got the next one!" Naruto shouts as he refills their shot glasses. "Never have I ever watched porn with someone else!"

Sasuke shudders at the idea of that brand of awkwardness, and to his utter lack of surprise, both Kakashi and Sai drink.

"It was for educational purposes," Sai says unabashedly, while Kakashi shrugs, "It's really not a big deal."

"Please tell me this was with your wives and not some random dude you decided to watch porn with," Naruto groans.

"No," Sasuke interrupts. "Don't. Don't tell us anything. Ever. Just…take your damn turn and move on."

I'm going home. As soon as my feet don't feel like bubbles, I am leaving…

"I have never had sex with more than one person at a time," Sai declares.

Sasuke groans inwardly; he should have known they weren't going to leave the topic of sex alone once it had been broached.

This is about to take a turn for the awkward.

Again, Kakashi takes a drink.

"Really?" Naruto looks scandalised and fascinated. "Was it with two girls, or a guy and a girl?"

"Gentlemen don't kiss and tell," Kakashi says mysteriously.

"Gentlemen don't play stupid drinking games," Sasuke points out.

Kakashi raises an eyebrow at this, and then says innocently, "I've never had sex outdoors.”

Sasuke rolls his eyes.

The other two watch him in expectation, as if waiting for him to outright lie. It occurs to Sasuke that playing this game with a bunch of shinobi wasn't a good idea. Even if he wanted to lie about something, they'd be able to tell.

Aware of the warmth in his cheeks, he reaches for his drink, pointing out as he does, "That's common knowledge."

"It still counts."

"Fine. I've never had my child walk in during."

Mostly because Sarada is a long time away from walking, but it's something he figures must have happened to his sensei at some point. He's got three kids past the toddling age.

As expected, Kakashi has to take a drink, and Sasuke basks in a momentary sense of victory.

Until Naruto laughingly shouts, "Oh, hey, I got one! I got one! Never have I ever…done butt stuff during sex!"

And Sasuke promptly chokes on his own spit.

Because no, no, no, that is not something he ever expected to be brought up here.

Naruto is smirking a challenge at Kakashi, like he figures learning one or two perverted things about his former teacher have given him total insight into how to get his sensei drunk.

Kakashi takes a drink, and then crosses his arms (his attempt to look unbothered is tempered by his pink cheeks). "I'm not ashamed. My sex life is amazing."

Naruto gapes. "No way! That was totally a joke, I didn't think—" He is interrupted as Sai cheerfully takes a shot as well. "Ehhhh?! You too?"

"Don't knock it until you try it," Sai says. "It's actually an interesting sensation when experienced in conjunction with—"

And that's my cue—

Sasuke wobbles to his feet. "I don't need to know any of this. I'm leaving."

"After all that ridiculousness, this is your limit?" Kakashi challenges, a knowing tone in his voice. Sasuke continues making a dogged beeline to the door. "Huh. If I didn't know any better, I'd say you're trying to avoid another shot, Sasuke."

"Hahaha!" Naruto sniggers. "No way."

Just a few more steps…

"Sasuke would never be into that sort of thing, he's way too boring," Naruto continues. "Remember, we had to practically tell him what sex was before he got married…"

Almost there…

"As I recall, he had a very interesting reaction to certain topics that night," Sai points out. "Particularly when we asked him the sort of things he had done with Sakura already. His neck used to get very red. A bit like what's happening right now."

Just reach out and grab the door –

"No way," Naruto murmurs blandly. "No fucking way."

"I did not see that coming," Kakashi says, sounding too surprised to be teasing.

"You mean Sasuke Uchiha took it up the ass?!" Naruto shouts.

Sasuke turns around, glaring daggers at this friend. "Shout it a little louder, you utter moron!"

There is silence.

Naruto's jaw drops, and the other two are blinking in surprise. The tableau would be funny if it weren't for the fact that Sasuke has realised his usual perfect control over his emotions have just caused him to confirm the one thing he did not want to confirm.

Shit.

"But wait…if you've never been with anyone you weren't married to, that would mean…" Sai begins.

"Don't finish that sentence," Sasuke warns.

"Sakura," Sai concludes.

"So she used a…?" Kakashi makes a lewd gesture.

"I did not need to know that about Sakura," Naruto murmurs, shuddering. "Oh, gods, I just got a mental image—oh my god, somebody scramble my brains, please!"

"That can be arranged," Sasuke growls, feeling electricity beginning to crackle in his palm.

"Aaaaand I'm calling an executive order to end tonight," Kakashi says, staggering to his feet. "By order of the Hokage, blah blah blah, you are all to go home and sober up. And no murders while in the Konoha environs."

"Seriously?!" Naruto squeaks at Sasuke, still apparently struggling with the concept.

"If you breathe a word of this to anyone, I'm taking off an arm," Sasuke hisses, taking a menacing step forward. "Or a leg. Probably a leg. Think how ridiculous you'll look, hopping around on one leg. Then you'll never be Hokage."

"And that's how we know Sasuke is drunk, gentlemen," Kakashi says. "Rambling death threats. I think we can call tonight a success, don't you?"

"We should do it again some time," Sai agrees.

"I'm leaving," Sasuke grumbles. "I'm taking a mission to the middle of fucking nowhere and never coming back. And I'm telling my wife it's your fault, and she's going to kill you all for me. I won't even have to get my hands dirty."

Kakashi chuckles. "I suppose I should make sure you get home alright and don't end up walking into a tree."

"Tch."

He stalks off, wobbling and angry and wondering if it's worth the headache to use a portal to get home.

"So, is this butt-sex thing something I'm missing out on?" he hears Naruto asks Sai, and then he sees red.

With a snarl of rage, Sasuke whirls around and makes a dive for Naruto's neck.

終わり

Comments and constructive criticism are always welcome, but if you feel like keeping me caffeinated out of the goodness of your heart, it certainly would be appreciated! I’m also starting to post original works to my patreon.

I’m only able to keep writing as I do thanks to the support of readers like you, so every bit helps!

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