#i had to do like 32 double takes

[repmet]

Ngl, despite my apprehension (i.e. I'm old and cynical), I'm interested to see what they do with the Red, White & Royal Blue sequel partly since I know in the book bonus chapter, Henry gives up his title - I haven't actually read it so idk if he's actually described as 'abdicating' or fandom just decided to use that term (which is not exactly correct).

But the book lacks a lot of accuracy around the British Royal family where as the movie put in a bit more effort (e.g. Henry's Mum being Duchess of Edinburgh not Princess of Wales) and since in the United Kingdom, Henry can't step out of the line of succession without an Act of Parliament which isn't an insignificant thing, I wonder if the movie will focus on that or if it will gloss over it or just go in a brand new direction entirely for a new audience who aren't familiar with the book.

Personally, I hope for the latter partially because the parallels to certain real life royals would get distracting but mostly because I'd love to see Henry use the position he once felt suffocated by to advocate for and empower others.

Though being honest, I'm mostly just hoping they don't fall into the romance sequel trope of breaking them up to get them back together again.

To be clear though, in real life I think the entire monarchy should be abolished - but in this gay little movie world I have other thoughts :)

[txttletale]

Saw a tweet that said something around:

"cannot emphasize enough how horrid chatgpt is, y'all. it's depleting our global power & water supply, stopping us from thinking or writing critically, plagiarizing human artists. today's students are worried they won't have jobs because of AI tools. this isn't a world we deserve"

I've seen some of your AI posts and they seem nuanced, but how would you respond do this? Cause it seems fairly-on point and like the crux of most worries. Sorry if this is a troublesome ask, just trying to learn so any input would be appreciated.

i would simply respond that almost none of that is true.

'depleting the global power and water supply'

something i've seen making the roudns on tumblr is that chatgpt queries use 3 watt-hours per query. wow, that sounds like a lot, especially with all the articles emphasizing that this is ten times as much as google search. let's check some other very common power uses:

running a microwave for ten minutes is 133 watt-hours

gaming on your ps5 for an hour is 200 watt-hours

watching an hour of netflix is 800 watt-hours

and those are just domestic consumer electricty uses!

a single streetlight's typical operation 1.2 kilowatt-hours a day (or 1200 watt-hours)

a digital billboard being on for an hour is 4.7 kilowatt-hours (or 4700 watt-hours)

i think i've proved my point, so let's move on to the bigger picture: there are estimates that AI is going to cause datacenters to double or even triple in power consumption in the next year or two! damn that sounds scary. hey, how significant as a percentage of global power consumption are datecenters?

1-1.5%.

ah. well. nevertheless!

what about that water? yeah, datacenters use a lot of water for cooling. 1.7 billion gallons (microsoft's usage figure for 2021) is a lot of water! of course, when you look at those huge and scary numbers, there's some important context missing. it's not like that water is shipped to venus: some of it is evaporated and the rest is generally recycled in cooling towers. also, not all of the water used is potable--some datacenters cool themselves with filtered wastewater.

most importantly, this number is for all data centers. there's no good way to separate the 'AI' out for that, except to make educated guesses based on power consumption and percentage changes. that water figure isn't all attributable to AI, plenty of it is necessary to simply run regular web servers.

but sure, just taking that number in isolation, i think we can all broadly agree that it's bad that, for example, people are being asked to reduce their household water usage while google waltzes in and takes billions of gallons from those same public reservoirs.

but again, let's put this in perspective: in 2017, coca cola used 289 billion liters of water--that's 7 billion gallons! bayer (formerly monsanto) in 2018 used 124 million cubic meters--that's 32 billion gallons!

so, like. yeah, AI uses electricity, and water, to do a bunch of stuff that is basically silly and frivolous, and that is broadly speaking, as someone who likes living on a planet that is less than 30% on fire, bad. but if you look at the overall numbers involved it is a miniscule drop in the ocean! it is a functional irrelevance! it is not in any way 'depleting' anything!

'stopping us from thinking or writing critically'

this is the same old reactionary canard we hear over and over again in different forms. when was this mythic golden age when everyone was thinking and writing critically? surely we have all heard these same complaints about tiktok, about phones, about the internet itself? if we had been around a few hundred years earlier, we could have heard that "The free access which many young people have to romances, novels, and plays has poisoned the mind and corrupted the morals of many a promising youth."

it is a reactionary narrative of societal degeneration with no basis in anything. yes, it is very funny that laywers have lost the bar for trusting chatgpt to cite cases for them. but if you think that chatgpt somehow prevented them from thinking critically about its output, you're accusing the tail of wagging the dog.

nobody who says shit like "oh wow chatgpt can write every novel and movie now. yiou can just ask chatgpt to give you opinions and ideas and then use them its so great" was, like, sitting in the symposium debating the nature of the sublime before chatgpt released. there is no 'decay', there is no 'decline'. you should be suspicious of those narratives wherever you see them, especially if you are inclined to agree!

plagiarizing human artists

nah. i've been over this ad infinitum--nothing 'AI art' does could be considered plagiarism without a definition so preposterously expansive that it would curtail huge swathes of human creative expression.

AI art models do not contain or reproduce any images. the result of them being trained on images is a very very complex statistical model that contains a lot of large-scale statistical data about all those images put together (and no data about any of those individual images).

to draw a very tortured comparison, imagine you had a great idea for how to make the next Great American Painting. you loaded up a big file of every norman rockwell painting, and you made a gigantic excel spreadsheet. in this spreadsheet you noticed how regularly elements recurred: in each cell you would have something like "naturalistic lighting" or "sexually unawakened farmers" and the % of times it appears in his paintings. from this, you then drew links between these cells--what % of paintings containing sexually unawakened farmers also contained naturalistic lighting? what % also contained a white guy?

then, if you told someone else with moderately competent skill at painting to use your excel spreadsheet to generate a Great American Painting, you would likely end up with something that is recognizably similar to a Norman Rockwell painting: but any charge of 'plagiarism' would be absolutely fucking absurd!

this is a gross oversimplification, of course, but it is much closer to how AI art works than the 'collage machine' description most people who are all het up about plagiarism talk about--and if it were a collage machine, it would still not be plagiarising because collages aren't plagiarism.

(for a better and smarter explanation of the process from soneone who actually understands it check out this great twitter thread by @reachartwork)

today's students are worried they won't have jobs because of AI tools

i mean, this is true! AI tools are definitely going to destroy livelihoods. they will increase productivty for skilled writers and artists who learn to use them, which will immiserate those jobs--they will outright replace a lot of artists and writers for whom quality is not actually important to the work they do (this has already essentially happened to the SEO slop website industry and is in the process of happening to stock images).

jobs in, for example, product support are being cut for chatgpt. and that sucks for everyone involved. but this isn't some unique evil of chatgpt or machine learning, this is just the effect that technological innovation has on industries under capitalism!

there are plenty of innovations that wiped out other job sectors overnight. the camera was disastrous for portrait artists. the spinning jenny was famously disastrous for the hand-textile workers from which the luddites drew their ranks. retail work was hit hard by self-checkout machines. this is the shape of every single innovation that can increase productivity, as marx explains in wage labour and capital:

“The greater division of labour enables one labourer to accomplish the work of five, 10, or 20 labourers; it therefore increases competition among the labourers fivefold, tenfold, or twentyfold. The labourers compete not only by selling themselves one cheaper than the other, but also by one doing the work of five, 10, or 20; and they are forced to compete in this manner by the division of labour, which is introduced and steadily improved by capital. Furthermore, to the same degree in which the division of labour increases, is the labour simplified. The special skill of the labourer becomes worthless. He becomes transformed into a simple monotonous force of production, with neither physical nor mental elasticity. His work becomes accessible to all; therefore competitors press upon him from all sides. Moreover, it must be remembered that the more simple, the more easily learned the work is, so much the less is its cost to production, the expense of its acquisition, and so much the lower must the wages sink – for, like the price of any other commodity, they are determined by the cost of production. Therefore, in the same manner in which labour becomes more unsatisfactory, more repulsive, do competition increase and wages decrease”

this is the process by which every technological advancement is used to increase the domination of the owning class over the working class. not due to some inherent flaw or malice of the technology itself, but due to the material realtions of production.

so again the overarching point is that none of this is uniquely symptomatic of AI art or whatever ever most recent technological innovation. it is symptomatic of capitalism. we remember the luddites primarily for failing and not accomplishing anything of meaning.

if you think it's bad that this new technology is being used with no consideration for the planet, for social good, for the flourishing of human beings, then i agree with you! but then your problem shouldn't be with the technology--it should be with the economic system under which its use is controlled and dictated by the bourgeoisie.

[russsiangirl]

art donaldson x reader headcanons ( both young and dilf art.. ) both banners by me!

starting off strong with young art ( heheh )

i feel like y'all met for a goofy reason

either he asked you for a piece of gum in a class because he ran out

that boy NEEDS his gum he can't live without it ( oral fixation? idk )

OR he saw you on the tennis court when you were meeting up with a friend of yours

you had heard of him of course, he had won the one tournament with his friend

but,, he sadly had his eyes on tashi duncan, not that you could exactly blame him, you've seen her - all lean muscle and tan skin.

that is until tashi starts dating patrick

he's kinda like a kicked puppy , a very jealous one

he's desperate to get his mind off of them, so he finds you

you're perfect for him, you're sweet, pretty, kind. but you're also pliable.

art's seen the way you'd look at him with those pretty eyes when he asked you a question, the way you would slightly stumble over your words

he would wanna laugh sometimes, not in a mean way, more of a 'how cute..' kinda way, yk?

he's a mastermind,, maybe manipulative but that just makes it better

he taps your shoulder one day and is like "hey so would you like,, wanna go out sometime?"

now you thought that he was just gonna ask for help with the assignment, but this- this was unexpected, but good. really good.

you obviously say yes & it goes great! after a couple dates you two start something that resembles a relationship

art is a sweetheart, buying you gifts, treating you to dinner when he can, taking you to his games - model boyfriend!

he loves being romantic and spending quality time with you

also double dates with tashi & patrick ( tension )

you notice the way patrick looks at art and you suspect something. had something happened between them?

you had heard about how tightly-knit the two of them were and something just didn't seem right

so after the date and you two go back to the dorm or wherever y'all are staying you ask him what was up with him and patrick

art shuts down, not saying anything and goes completely silent.

he's not one to talk about things like these or his past

art likes to talk as much as he loves to listen

like if you found a new interest and/or hyperfixation he would listen to you and find so endearing

he loves the way you get so excited and you just beam at him whenever you do something that makes you happy, it makes him just as equally happy

art also loves when you wear his clothes, he finds it funny how they drape over you since he's like six foot.

art does like being praised ( take that as you will ) but when you're reassuring him, especially after his games or practice or anything he just wants to shower you with all the affection he can muster <3

this is my late fathers day present to y'all.. enjoy

ah yes, art as a father, my favorite

he's not married at this point ( sadly no tashi, they got divorced )

he's a lot more tired than he was back in college, obviously

y'all definitely met at some sort of event, you were a reporter for a sports magazine who had sent you to cover whatever it was that you were there for

you just didn't know it would involve art

when you first see him, you didn't really know what to expect - but not this

art with his short-cropped sandy hair and pretty blue eyes and blonde lashes, he looks ethereal, almost like he doesn't belong here

he was distracted most of the interview, too distracted by you with your sweet voice and nice hands and silly questions

so you two rescheduled, over dinner! win-win, you get to spend more time with him and you get your job done

the two of you connect really easily and you agree to do this again, without the interview part

there's something about the two of you thats so entrancing to each other

IMAGINE WITH AN AGE DIFFERENCE

like you're 21 - 22 and he's like 32.. it only makes him crave you more, he can show you things you've never seen

you might be a bit skeptical, but art is telling you that you can trust him, he won't push boundaries, none of that and you do trust him

he does let you meet lily eventually and when you do, you're enamored with her, she's so sweet and you could see art in her

you knew about his past relationship with tashi, but you didn't mind

but older!art is also romantic, sure the paparazzi is interested in the two of you - so most of the dates are at home. he likes it better that way

ough,, this was a LOT - late father's day present yk.. i love you guys - enjoy this! like and follow if you enjoyed these hehe

[roosterforme]

Thanksgiving Liars (Rooster x Reader)

Part of The What If Collection of blurbs for Roo and Baby Girl. My masterlist. Banner by @mak-32

Warnings: language, fluff

After you ended the call, you tossed your phone aside and looked at Bradley as he cradled you on his lap. "Do you think they fell for it?" you asked him.

"Gullible," he replied with a nod. "They're all so fucking gullible."

You erupted into laughter as he rolled you onto your back on the couch. "They aren't going to know what hit them. Planning a whole entire wedding in just two months? They will all be shocked."

Bradley kissed you and guided your arms above your head, pinning them gently to the cushion. "We intive them for Thanksgiving dinner, wine and dine them with your incredible cooking, and then... Bam! Welcome to our wedding, suckers."

You couldn't stop laughing as he kissed you and teased you with his nose everywhere. "Our moms will both cry," you giggled. "Your dad will think it's great that we decided to get married in a parking lot, and my dad will ask if we're hurting for money for the exact same reason."

Bradley pressed his lips to your ear and whispered, "It makes me wild that you thought of it in the first place. Right there in the spot where we had our first kiss is absolutely where we should get married."

"I agree."

He ran his fingers along your arm, and you snuggled against him as he said, "You've been working so hard, Baby Girl. I know what getting another promotion means to you, and I'm already proud. But thank you for agreeing to get married this year."

"Hey," you replied softly, taking his chin in your hand. "I want to marry you, Roo. More than anything. And this is going to be perfect."

--------------------------

Bradley was practically cackling as you and he cleaned up the plates after Thanksgiving dinner. Everyone was still mulling over glasses of wine and the promise of dessert when the two of you slipped into the kitchen. 

"They are oblivious," he said, setting some dishes in the sink while you pumped your fist silently in the air.

"They have absolutely no idea!" you hissed. "Your mom thinks you're going to teach her how to surf tomorrow."

"I don't even fucking know how to surf!"

Bradley watched you double over in quiet yet hysterical laughter as you gripped the edge of the counter for support. "That's why it's so funny!"

He had to press his fist against his lips to keep silent as he heard your dad and Nat laughing about something in the dining room. Your wedding dress was hanging in the bedroom closet, and so was his outfit. But everyone else would be arriving to the beach parking lot tomorrow thinking they'd been invited to hang out all afternoon and evening. "This was the best idea you've ever had," Bradley said as you stood again with tears in your eyes, and you wrapped him up in a hug.

"I can't wait! Now let's get these pies out there and get this show on the road."

But you and he both burst out into another round of stifled laughter before you were able to keep it together long enought to get the desserts on the table. 

"Hey, what time should we all meet at the beach tomorrow?" Nat asked as she helped herself to nearly half of the apple pie. 

"Around 3:00," you and Bradley replied at the same time. The plan was that you'd fake a stomach ache and skip the lunch plans with your parents and his so you could get changed into your dress. Bradley would entertain everyone without you before telling them to change at the hotel and meet at the beach which was right across the street. It was flawless. Inspired. All courtesy of your breautiful brain. 

"We'll have dinner on the beach and watch the sunset," you added. "It'll be great."

Bradley watched his mom stand up from the table and immediately give you a hug. "Dinner was perfect, my sweet girl. Thank you for such a beautiful day, I don't know what could beat it! But I'm going to take Goose back to the hotel before he falls asleep."

Sure enough, Bradley's dad looked like he was about to doze off in a turkey induced coma at the table while everyone else around him chatted.

You kissed Carole's cheek and said, "See you tomorrow," with a secret glint in your eye before turning toward Bradley.

When everyone was gone, he left the mess in the kitchen; he would clean it up later. "Can I take you to bed now?" he asked as he followed you down the hallway.

But you stopped in the doorway. "About that... shouldn't you sleep in the other bedroom? It's supposed to be bad luck to see each other."

Bradley laughed, but you did look kind of serious. "Oh, you're not joking." When you shrugged in response, he said, "All I've had is good luck since I met you, Sweetheart. The best luck."

"You almost died when you were deployed," you deadpanned.

"And luckily you were here to nurse me back to perfect health with your love," he replied easily. Then he sighed when you didn't laugh. "If you want me to, I'll go sleep in the other room."

You chewed on your lip and crossed and then uncrossed your arms. You shuffled your feet and groaned. "It'll feel like you're deployed again, and I don't like that. So nevermind." You took him by the hand and led him to bed where he stayed with you all night.

-----------------------

You thought you'd be a little nervous, but you weren't. You thought you might feel a little self-conscious in your wedding dress, but you didn't. When you pulled into the parking lot in your shitty, red car, Bradley was already there, and you gasped as you looked at him, somehow more handsome than ever before. 

"Sweetheart," he sighed when he opened your door and reached out to help you stand. You could tell he had some tears gathering in his eyes, but you knew you did, too. You went right into his arms as he said, "You're beautiful." Then your lips met his as you both stood in that empty parking spot between the two vehicles, where you'd shared your first kiss. Thousands of kisses later, it was the spot where you and he would make your forever promises to each other.

"You'll end up wearing my lipstick," you whispered, breaking the kiss briefly before he chased you down for more. 

"I don't care."

The two of you were fully making out, your fingers in his hair as you moaned his name, when Maverick arrived on that ancient motorcycle. He whistled as he removed his helmet. "Want me to come back later?" he joked. 

"Absolutely not, Uncle Mav," Bradley told him. "I want to get married as soon as possible."

You smiled up at Bradley and tried to wipe your lipstick from his face with your thumbs as Maverick went over the short ceremony he had planned. He was your only accomplice today. He knew the truth where everyone else only knew the Thanksgiving lie. "Sound good?" he asked with his signature smile.

"Sounds perfect," you told him, kissing his cheek and leaving another smudge behind. 

Bradley had his chin resting on your shoulder as said, "It's almost 3:30. And oh shit, look. Here they come."

You turned to toward the hotel, and you saw all four parents in their beach going attire as they crossed the street at the crosswalk. Your mom saw you first and froze on the sidewalk as she shook your dad's arm. Then you heard Carole scream, "She's wearing her wedding dress! The dress we helped her pick out in Maryland!" Goose must have slept off his turkey stupor, because he was the first one to make his way past the Bronco to where the two of you were standing in his loud, tropical print shirt.

Goose had his son in his arms, slapping him on the back and then rubbing rough circles while they shared a whispered conversation that you knew was too private for you to hear. But it didn't matter, because Carole was screeching her way toward you. 

"I knew it! I knew it from the first time he mentioned you that you'd get married," she said, pulling you into her arms. She kissed your cheek seven times before she said. "The way my Bradley talked about you made me so hopeful for his future, and I just knew you'd be his wife. But I didn't know it would be today! I'm wearing a bathing suit!"

You laughed and said, "Surprise!" just as your parents reached you. 

Your mom had tears on her cheeks as she said, "I don't appreciate being lied to, but this is okay."

Your dad pulled you in for a hug and asked, "Are you getting married in the parking lot? If you needed money, you could have asked."

Your laughter rang out, and Bradley looked at you as you said, "My dad wants to know if we're getting married in the parking lot."

"Yes, we definitely are," Bradley replied as Carole sobbed against his chest. "This parking spot is where she kissed me for the first time. It was perfect. I was already half in love, and that threw me over the edge."

You could feel the heat rising in your face as a chorus of 'Aww!' came from everyone around you while Bradley smiled. And then the cars started pulling in. Nat was hanging out the window yelling when she saw you, and Jake drove right over some of the orange cones that had the far entrance blocked off. The commotion got louder and louder as all of your friends arrived, jostling you around in their excitement. 

"What a pair of sneaky liars!" Jake shouted in just his board shorts. "We're all going to look like a bunch of idiots in your wedding photos."

"You'd have looked that way regardless," Bradley told him as he pulled you closer. His brown eyes were wide and hopeful as you wrapped your arms around his neck. "Everyone's here, Baby Girl. You ready to do this thing?"

You nodded and pecked him on the cheek. All of your friends were chattering and already taking pictures. Your parents were holding hands and smiling. Carole and Goose were looking at you like you were the best thing they'd ever seen in their lives. And Maverick was waiting quietly. 

"Yes. I'm ready, Roo," you promised, and he ran his thumb along your cheek as he whispered your name. 

"Okay, Mav," he rasped without taking his eyes off your face. "Make her my wife."

----------------------------

[antidesire]

2:32 antidesire

bodyguard!leon x afab socialite!reader

disclaimer.. 18+ only. knifeplay, blood, licking.. blood mentions/paranoia of drugging but i promise no drugging happens. brat reader, p in v, creampie, dirty talk, fucking against a wall? in an alley? don’t pay too close attention to the lore i try and establish please hhh it’s so jumbled + i wrote this when it was super late and i haven’t double checked everything.. heh. cr to original owners of the pictures. reblogging, interacting and sending feedback is always much appreciated !! ♡

you had been to hell and back, seen the strongest of men turn into frail cowering children, knees buckled by utter fear as the flesh was torn from their bones by the rotting dead that kept walking.

raccoon city should've been your end of the line, dying alongside your prestigious family. onlookers of the media at the time treated it as a miracle but you saw it as it was, cruel, how do they expect one person to keep up appearances and high morals being the last standing of your perished family line? it was so tiring..

one man you had met those faithful 6 years ago had saved your life, leon s kennedy, just a rookie cop at the time- not only once had he saved your life but then a further time, putting his own life on the line with an agreement to become an agent and vouch that you and himself would stay silent about raccoon city upon taking this deal and if all else fails, he would be executed with you.

things had gone well for a good chunk of time, give or take about 4 years but word had gotten back to some more important people that you were quite the partygoer and quite the gossip when intoxicated, not a swell combination for your dangerous predicament and prying ears.

thus much to your surprise you had been assigned a bodyguard, one to help keep your mouth shut for the sake of the government and for the sake of your own safety, unbeknownst of the length powerful people would go to for even a slither of knowledge on what you saw that hellish night.

to leon kennedy, this was one of his easier jobs, babysitting some rich bigwig? pft, he'd take that any day over undead corpses or diseased cultists.

when he was informed it was you he felt all the waves of emotions hit him in the face, that night whirling through his head like a fresh wound, seeping behind his eyes to remind him of the horrors he'd seen.

suddenly it was all the more serious now, this was your life and his own on the line.

at first, you had been ecstatic to reunite with leon once again, barely recognizing him when you first opened the door, what was once his youthful puppy-dog-like features had become much less soft, his brows had furrowed, jaw much sharper and his eyes looked much more sunken, what you remembered him as, a once fresh-faced young man, cute and hopeful as ever he had become much more hardened, though he had seemed to lose that glow, it was unmistakenly leon, long eyelashes, plump lips and that faint dimple indented into his chin. leon now exuded confidence to the point of cockiness. he was handsome, oh so very handsome and his physique was so firm, you had to many a time drag your attention away from his arms, you never knew you had such a thing for bulky arms until leon was around.

with leon around you weren't afraid to admit you were having the time of your life pushing the limits.

life for you had been a whirlwind, to the public (though things had much cooled off) that knew of your family business and prestige, they had been told lies, that you weren't even in the city with your family that disastrous night which is how you survived.

your days were the same, with countless 0's in your bank account and fake friends to encourage you, you spent most of your nights under those same electronic lights, the bass of the music booming in your chest and burning alcohol slipping down your throat.

maybe you had been a little oversharing with some locals, you didn't recall, far too heavy on the bottle of champagne some man would attempt to win you over with.

tonight was no different, other than the bar you were visiting- leon had convinced you that if you wanted to be drinking it could not be so locally anymore- and this time leon kennedy was in tow, your handsome chaperon, or more accurately, your muzzle from here on out.

“shall we make this fun?” you proposed to the man, “make up a story, maybe you’re my long lost lover? my secret affair? or do you want me to pretend i hate your guts, are you into that?” you giggled, amused at your own antics, seemingly only making leon chuff out a chuckle, arms folded over his chest with a solemn expression.

“mmh, what sucked the fun out of little leon, huh?” you jabbed your finger against his chest.

leon’s head titled at that, eyebrow raised and an expression that insinuated you knew exactly what happened after that night and why he consequently carried himself as such, so professional, or dull, that's what you'd call it.

with the sickly sweet aroma of your perfume in the air and the glistening twinkles of your outfit invading every ounce of his senses, the two of you walked one by one into the bar, quite the opulent one, hefty diamanté chandeliers alongside mirrors upon mirrors framed with the most delicate gold casings.

"y'know you're getting paid to live lavish right now, leon?" you cooed out, heels of your shoes tapping against the marble flooring, hearing his boots following behind.

"it's an easier job as an agent but i'm not being paid to indulge like you do." he corrected you, voice hushed with the assumption and guard that prying ears could never be far.

"am i boring you already, handsome?" you twirled around, the agent halting in his tracks, craning his head down to meet your gaze, eyes as big as cherry pies, tempting and permissive.

"i was hoping we could celebrate this reunion, despite circumstances." your hands reached up, flattening down the collars of his crisp grey dress shirt, the black blazer on top fit so snug on him, arms as though they were bulging or maybe your brain was just getting ahead of itself.

"with your mouth we're dead men walking, what's there to celebrate?" he referenced why he was called out here for you, breath hot, fresh from that pack of gum he stuffed in the back of his pocket.

"then even more so, that's what i say." you patted your palms to his shoulders, feeling the plush material of the suit jacket, turning on your heel, and pushing past the lush double door entrance past the hallway and into the bar.

the live music was in full swing and the tabletop of the bar was well occupied, having to push your way past, your hand coming up to gesture over the bartender, "give me your most expensive, delicious cocktail.." you whipped your head around, eyes clearly looking leon up and down, "you look like a whiskey guy," you thought aloud, turning back, "and a whiskey."

leon didn't even attempt to stop you, it was futile and he knew you were just doing it for the fun of it, "so ya gonna sit there and stare down at me all night like a creep?" you sat on one of the chairs at the bar, you leaned in to whisper- though ultimately just as loud, "you're not being very agent-like."

"c'mon, i told you, we need a cover story, who knows how long you'll be stuck with me till i'm in the all clear." you pulled his arm in an attempt to move him closer, luckily he obliged, taking up a seat next to you.

"being in the clear is not being stubborn and quitting visiting these bars, drinking every night, and running your mouth." he mumbled, glancing around.

"nu-uh, you heard what they said, they've always been worried about certain people in the area being a threat to those with information on racco-" your words morphed into a yelp, a sharp sting arising in your leg, blinking at the two fingers pinching the flesh of your thigh.

"did you just-" your outrage was cut off once again by the bartender placing two drinks in front of the both of you, leon nodding towards the worker and wording out a thank you, his palm now engulfing your thigh and rubbing the irritated skin.

your lips parted to speak but no words came out, leon seemed to have noticed this, fingers clutching around your glass and gesturing for you to take a sip, and you did, sugary syrup mixed with a double shot of liquor sliding down your throat.

“i thought you were going to encourage me to not drink.” your eyes squinted slightly, tongue darting out to taste more of the cocktail staining your lips.

“one won’t hurt.” with that he tapped the glass of the whiskey on the table of the bar before swigging down the contents in one gulp.

you burst out into laughter, your hand encouragingly squeezing his own further up your thigh, amusement only cooling down so you could take another taste of your cocktail.

"you're funny." your voice was light and airy already, palm pushed against your cheek as you watched him, as though you had been drinking much more than the one, maybe it came off too strongly but you weren't embarrassed, nothing could embarrass you.

"lovers quarrel." he spoke aloud and your confusion was apparent, even more so as his fingers took a hold of your hand, switching a slim ring decorated with diamonds onto your ring finger, "we hate each other but can't quit it." he murmured and you caught on, a giggle hid behind your other hand.

"you bought me this nice expensive ring, you're handsome, so charming.. of course there's a catch, why couldn't i see it." you sighed dramatically earning a scoff from leon.

"and you're beautifully cruel, impulsive, and a relentless pleasure-seeker, i was dealt quite the deck of cards." he spoke as though it was matter of factly, quite the actor.

"mmh, why thank you." you fluttered your eyelashes, leaning in to squeeze the bulky muscle of his arm, nudging yourself against him.

leon was good, a natural at, well just that, being natural. he was on guard as he was with any assigned job, just less flashy than the others, no visible weapons and a demeanor that needed to be cool but nonetheless, he was alert.

alert but here he was, doing exactly as he said he wouldn’t, indulging, finding away around things to do so, so he could feel your fingertips press into his skin again, so he could smell your fragrance every time you leant in and so he could hear those giddy little laughs at something stupid he said in the name of a silly cover story for the both of you.

oh leon kennedy..

you felt tipsy already without even touching another cocktail, infatuated with the man beside you all too suddenly, your heart desiring for something much sweeter than anything that could be offered from the shelves behind the bar.

relentless pleasure-seeker, you’d sure live up to that.

but first, you had a whole night ahead of you. your feet were quick, feeling compelled towards the crowd of dancing bodies, joining them, amongst the couples and men with no personal space.

you were hypnotic, anyone could see that, your hips swayed, dipping just enough and hands roaming from your thighs upwards to your chest, drawing in attention everywhere you wanted it.

leon stayed where he first sat, leaning further into the bar so he could comfortably rest, watching you closely, as though you were a film, like he was there to capture you on video.

“isn’t that the raccoon city survivor?” leon heard hushed voices and he was smacked in the face with the reality of it all, a surge of genuine worry in his gut, “why is she on this side of town? you think that whole conspiracy is true?”

how had you been safe for this long? leon took a moment of his attention away from you and suddenly every other persons eyes that were on you felt threatening, call it what you will, paranoia, overdramatic- he was there for a reason, the raccoon city terrors were real, to you and him, the government wasn’t on either of your sides, he knew that for a fact, but the unknown was scarier, at least in this situation.

leon exhaled before standing up on his feet, hanging his head down and walking over to seemingly join you, “you come to dance?” your arms reached up and out but his hand grasped your arm tightly instead.

your eyes rolled, “you can skip to the part of the lovers quarrel where we have a little fun amidst the hatred and sexual tension.” you jested.

“we’re leaving.” his head nodded in a gesture towards the door, arm tugging you towards him but you weren’t having any of it.

“uhh, no, no we’re not?” you scoffed, digging your heels into the ground, scowling at the man, “i just got here and i’d like to remind you, i don’t have a curfew, you’re not actually babysitting!” you slapped his arm.

“shut your mouth!” he whispered out harshly, another tug of your arm and this one hurt.

“you fucking dick, let me go.” you punched at his arm with your other hand this time but no budge, “i swear to god, i will scream, kick, punch, i will cause the biggest scene to get you off of me then you can kiss your job goodbye- oh no, you can kiss your life goodbye, since this is currently your only purpose.” you spat out.

leon dropped your arm, his tongue poked against the inside of his cheek, clearly seething internally but the last thing he needed was to draw anymore attention to the both of you.

“outside. now.” his arms came up to cross folded against his chest.

you didn’t speak another word, pushing past the man, shoulders harshly bumping into his. reaching the bar, with a sulk in your demeanour getting the attention of the bartender once again and ordering another cocktail.

you tensed when leon’s arm wrapped snuggly around your waist, “i’m serious, this isn’t safe. i have other means of getting you out of here but i’d much rather keep things peaceful and conscious.” his arm squeezed your hip, threateningly.

you looked down at your drink and felt your stomach drop, pushing the glass away from your body, “oh, so you’re crazy, that’s the catch.” you referred to your earlier quip.

“how is it suddenly not safe? why did you even let me come.” you gritted through your teeth, glancing around the room.

“came to my senses. it’s that simple, i’m not trying to lose my life because of how reckless you are with yours, no thanks.” you laughed at that, nodding and he couldn’t tell whether it was out of agreement or something else.

“i think i’m worth it.” you turned to face him and the look on his face was of disbelief at your attitude, it only egged you on further to push his buttons.

“newsflash sweetheart, you aren’t going to be the death of me.” he muttered, and that same burning grip he had on you returned and you were being whisked from the bar, swiftly out of the doors and through the hallway, all too fast, feeling like you were lagging behind, as though your brain was still at the bar- shit, your throat was so dry, maybe he slipped something in the first drink.. but there was no way.

the cold air bit harshly at your bare skin, coming to your senses suddenly all too quickly, feet stomping on the floor in a tantrum, fists coming up to hit his chest, “what is wrong with you?!” you screeched and suddenly you were being dragged further into the street, harshly turning a corner into some backstreet alley.

“you’ll get over it, stop acting like a spoilt brat. i got tired of that as soon as i saw your face again.” leon pushed you back against the brick wall and you rubbed over your arm where he had been gripping.

“you’re so sad!” you spat out, pushing him further away from you, “sad and desperate, you think you’re such a big hero from that day don’t you? gonna ruin my life? make me miserable as some sick payback because you resent me?” you laughed, directly in his face, “you want me to repay you, that it?” you walk closer to him, in some way to gain leverage over him, but it was futile, pathetic honestly.

his push his hair back with his fingers, the normal lightness to it looked darker thanks to the shadows, expression unreadable as he let you go off on a tangent.

“back up.” he spoke out, almost inaudibly but he knew you heard him because you only inched closer, noticing your eyes dart down to his waist when you felt the prod of something against your skin.

before your arm could even reach out to grab the item under his clothing, he unsheathed it suddenly, brandishing a knife, black handle, indented with a line every inch or so, the blade was quite tall, sloped either side and an engraving stamped below the hilt.

you didn’t get to see much of it though, within a blink of an eye it was pressed to your throat along with the familiar feeling of the gritty bricks against your back.

“don’t do something stupid now..” he was calm, despite the manoeuvre he had you in.

your breathing hitched, hands clutching his grey coloured suit tie amidst the panic, he kept you there for what felt like minutes but was only a few seconds, relaxing only slightly but he never stuffed the knife back in its sheathe, it kept firmly gripped in his hand which was pressed in between your clavicle, as a warning.

in some sick and twisted way it was thrilling, you couldn’t shake that feeling and it felt disgustingly good.

you blinked a couple times, eyes darting out towards his arm, which somehow was on display, where he managed to find the time to roll up his sleeves was beyond you.

“eyes up here.” he tapped the blunt side of the knife to your chin, a all too cocky smile tugging at the corner of his mouth when you complied.

“see how easy it is to listen?” he sighed, dragging the cool metal across your jawline, tracing the outline of your ear and downwards to the top hem of your clothing.

you should’ve been terrified, but it felt different, unexplainable, you wanted him to keep going, you had never felt your head so empty and airy, it was euphoric.

maybe raccoon city screwed you up more than you thought..

you didn’t dwell much on it, attention undivided on the agent in front of you, his lips were moving but you couldn’t make out what he was saying, so dazed in the moment.

“should i keep going?” he repeated, tapping the tip of the knife to your chest and you nodded, squeezing the material of his tie, knocking his body closer towards you and you hissed out when the blade nipped your skin, a droplet of blood seeping into your clothes.

“shit-“ leon looked as though he panicked for a moment, but you weren’t about to let him, hands pushing up to cup his face and demand his full attention on what you wanted.

your lips meshed with his and for the first time of the night, leon kennedy was caught fully off guard. he relaxed after a few seconds, moulding his plush lips to yours and catching you in a sloppy shared kiss, your arms resting past his shoulders, one of your hands pushing his head further against yours to chase his mouth.

you only pulled away when you heard a rip of fabric, his nimble hands shredding it with the knife, a puddle of your clothes soon beneath your feet, delicate undergarments coming in to his view.

you didn’t get a second to regain composure as his mouth was once again on you, this time his tongue darted out, lapping up the droplet of blood from where the knife had broken your skin.

it was vile in the most sinful way possible, all the blood felt like it rushed straight to your throbbing cunt.

“i might actually go crazy if you tease me..” you voiced out, which caught him by surprise since you had been rather breathless.

“i can be nice.” he murmured out, voice muffled in between open mouthed kisses, knife cutting open your bra so his tongue could latch on to your nipple, his thumb toying with the other.

“mmh, you threaten me, make me bleed, and destroy all my clothes, but you can be nice?” you breathily giggled, distracted by the way the tip of his tongue- which had been previously licking up your blood, swirled and flicked against your nipple, sending pulses of electricity throughout your body.

“i’ll make it up to you.” he kissed back up from your chest, reaching your lips again to catch you in a kiss, you could taste the metallically tang from your blood and it only urged you further.

“fuck..” you gasped when he pulled away, looking between your bodies to watch the way he sliced off your panties next, wasting to time in running the pads of his fingers between your sloppy folds, “mmhn, didn’t i just tell you not to tease?” you mewled.

“you’re that worked up?” he chuckled out and your arm flew out to hit his chest, only earning another laugh.

“just fuck me already, i want your dick so badly.” you begged so pretty, you knew you did because his demeanour changed quickly, rough hands settling at your waist to manhandle you until you faced the wall.

“stay like that, arch your ba- mhm, like that.” he hummed, barely having to mention it and you were bending and obeying as though it was your only function.

leon had unbuttoned his blazer to relax a little better, though he lazily pushed his slacks down along with his underwear, far too eager to feel how heavenly you’d be on his cock.

he pumped his self a couple times, a firm hand pushing you back against him, helping him slowly push himself inside your pussy, “ouhh- fuck, that’s—“ he hissed out, halting his movements to revel in the way you were squeezing and fluttering around him relentlessly, “that’s so tight, m’ gonna fuck this little pussy open.” he grunted through his teeth, pushing against you until he was flush with you.

you were already finding it extremely hard to keep it together, mind so foggy with lust and the way he kept pushing and pushing for what felt like endlessly, he was so big, he pushed and prodded up against every delicious nerve inside of you and he hadn’t even started moving at a consistent pace yet, oh you were a goner.

a squeal left your lips when he pulled back only to push back much quicker and with force, your arms flying out until he grabbed one to pull behind your back, stabilising you and also getting more leverage on your movements.

“fuck, you’re so pretty, stuffed full of this cock, mmh, you like that?” he groaned out shamefully.

you didn’t answer though, far too preoccupied with how delicious he was stretching your walls, soon distracted by that familiar feeling of stinging cold metal to your throat, his other hand had come round to press it against your skin.

your eyes flew open and you felt him jerk you closer with his grip still on your other hand, “don’t fall now that would be real dangerous sweetheart, hold on, yeah?” he laughed out, it was evil, taunting but you were on another cloud of bliss.

“l-leon! ah mhhnmm!” you chanted out breathless incoherent moans and noises, feeling like a rag doll being constantly pulled against leon, you were so limp without his grip and the knife he pressed against your throat, you might’ve been in real trouble without him, ironically considering he was the one putting you between between him and the knife.

“i know, i know baby, feels s’good, don’t it?” he rasped out, bruises already forming on your wrists as he used you like his own little personal fucktoy.

“m’ really— oh, really close!” you squeaked, all too suddenly being dragged from your impending high, your back stabilising against the wall and you cried out.

“shh, shuuush.” he cooed at your displeased reaction, “i got you, i just wanna see that pretty face when you cum.” he paired his soothing voice with a firm kiss on your forehead, hiking your leg above his waist and slipping his cock inside your weeping pussy again.

the high bubbled so quickly in your tummy again all you could do was reach out for his arms, desperate to feel the metal to your skin again and he obliged, pushing it onto your neck once more as he pounding into you, wet sloppy sounds making it evident how close you were.

“you look so fucking cute like this, my knife against your throat, fucked stupid by my fat cock.” he grunted in between strained moans, clearly chasing his own high.

your vision went completely blurred as that burning hot coil in your tummy finally snapped, head knocked back against the wall as you sobbed out in pure pleasure, mantras of yes, yes, yes! and leon’s name falling from your lips.

“oh my fucking god, you’re so fucking sick, y’know that baby? yeah..” leon relaxed the knife from your throat, the blade dropping somewhere forgotten by your feet so he could push his head against your neck where the metal once occupied, licking and kisses the delicate skin, thrusts sloppy and inconsistent, broken and hoarse moans coaxed out with every further movement of his hips.

“fuck! fuck, a—ah!” his cock twitched and fluttered inside you as hot spurts of thick cum filled your walls, warming every inch of your body.

he pushed you further into the wall as he stood there, breathing in and out against your neck, slowly coming down from his high, the both of you dazed and pleasure-struck.

your head knocked against his and he seemed to come to, leaning back and blinking a couple of times before seemingly examining your body, “you hurt?” he breathed out.

“only my legs..” you laughed quietly, watching him gently set your leg down once he slipped out of you, grabbing your shredded clothing to wipe you off with.

“let’s get you somewhere warm.” he shrugged off his blazer jacket, pushing your arms through the holes and doing it up fully.

“leon, i feel okay, i’m good.” you assured him, stepping closer once again to return the same kiss he placed on your head, “that was crazy.. but fun.” you admitted, feeling the back of your neck burn from the realisation of what just happened.

“i shouldn’t of come on to you like that though.” he laughed nervously and you shook your head.

“i’m in one piece no?” you poked his chest, “i’m serious, i liked it- i like you, a lot.” you told the agent before shaking your head again, “you don’t have to say anything though, it’s not like that.” you didn’t exactly know what you meant because it was exactly as you said, having been smitten with the man all night, maybe you just didn’t want to deal with what you were insinuating, at least not tonight.

“take me home, somewhere warm.”

[curlyhairedbooklover]

What is the gender spilt of the murders in NBC Hannibal?

This is the third of three posts though this one works as a standalone, the first two are about the characters saying each other’s names and can be found here and here (I promise they are much more interesting than that summary makes them sound….) I decided to make this post because of this quote from Bryan Fuller; “And we are very conscious in the writer’s room; ‘Okay we just killed a woman, we have to kill a guy now.’” (47:20) And I always wondered how well they actually managed to do that…. thus I went out and collected the data and here it is!!

Adding a quick disclaimer that I did this for fun so I haven’t double checked it meaning there may be some mistakes!

As you can see from the data it turns out that they did kill less women than men during the show!!!! The total known kills in the show are 200 with 98 of them being men, 65 women and 37 were unknown!! I also kept track of who did the murder and those categories are: Hannibal, killer of the week, Will, and other.

To preface, I am only using “women” and “men” for my categories in this data as the show does not depict any trans or nb people (explicitly at least, there are a couple metaphorical/subtextual ones…) and if I could not tell the person’s gender or I simply did not see a body I categorised them as “unknown” 

You will be pleased to know that Hannibal killed 39.5 people (the 0.5 is Dolarhyde which I split between Will and Hannibal as it was a joint kill 😌)  over the show on screen and that 26.5 of them were men, 9 were women and only 4 were unknown! All I can say is that Hannibal is a feminist queen! That or women are significantly less rude in the Hannibal universe… although Freddie seems to defy that theory…. He does kill the most in s1 at 21 times! That essentially halves in s2 to only 12 times and again to 6.5 times in s3.. although it’s worth noting that I was unable to count his kills at Muskrat Farm as we don’t see any bodies on screen (though the script implies it was at least 7) and I only counted the Il Mostro kills that we saw evidence of instead of including the amount killed by the actual Il Mostro killer(s).. Not to mention that he spent half the season in prison! So all that said he did okay! Also I personally believe that his kill count across his lifetime is easily in the high hundreds, he has to meal plan if nothing else so let's put some respect on his name as Hannibal THEE Cannibal!

Unsurprisingly the killers of the week did make up most of the kills in the show, and killed 62 men, 56 women and 33 of unknown gender altogether. The killer of the week who did the most murder is James Grey at a whopping 50 but he did have a mural to create so that takes a lot of bodies! Second place goes to Lawrence Wells who murdered 17 people over his lifetime to create his totem pole, while Clark Ingram sneaks in at 3rd with 16 murders, although he only killed women and is the main reason why the women’s s2 kill count is higher than the men’s, boooooo! Poor Dolarhyde had to pick up all the slack in s3 as the only killer of the week but he did at least get 15 kills in! Sadly he was bound by the orders of the moon and could not do the suitable legwork 😔

Now Will DID get his own section of the table as is his right as the main character 😤 even if he only killed 3 people (which translates to 2.5 on the table as a result of having to share the dragon with Hannibal…). But they were all monumental kills, I mean Garret Jacob Hobbs haunted the rest of the show, Randall was turned into a magnificent tableau, and Francis was the culmination of his becoming and gave us That Ending!! It’s also not like he didn’t successfully manipulate multiple people into killing (or almost killing) people so I think he deserves extra points for those if only in our hearts!! Despite his low kill count he is the character we see commit murder the most on the show! He fantasises/imagines/hallucinates murdering 32 people across the show!! As the show moved away from the procedural nature he imagined killing less people; with s1 standing at 16, s2 moving down to 9 and then only 7 in s3! Just because most of the time he’s empathising with killers to recreate their kills doesn’t make the scenes any less sexy or iconic!!

The 7 other kills actually all come from women!! Another feminism win!! 3.3 is when Chiyoh killed her prisoner after being manipulated into it by Will. 3.7 sees Chiyoh kill again, this time’s it’s the 2 guys who were going to kill Jack and the 2 guards at Muskrat Farm, where we also we get Mason’s murder from Alana and Margot!! Then in 3.10 we get the flashback to Bedelia killing her patient! Go Girls!! Whooo!! 

In conclusion no one is surprised that there is a lot of murder in this show and Bryan Fuller while not exactly alternating each week in killing off each gender did not kill more women than men so arguably achieved his goal!

(part 1) (part 2) (part 3)

[tangerinesgirl]

Turfucken

(gif credit to Sony Pictures on tenor. can someone please make some HD GIFs from this movie, I suck at making them 😭)

**SPOILERS FOR THANKSGIVING (2023)**

AFAB!Reader x Sheriff Eric Newlon

Word count: 1.1k

Rating: explicit, 18+, no minors

Warnings: smut, feeding/food play/sitophilia, pregnancy, cream pie, daddy kink, some silly jokes, age gap but reader is legal

Summary: Sheriff Newlon is preparing for the best Thanksgiving yet, you have other plans. Set after the Black Friday Massacre but before the Thanksgiving the following year. Reader uses she/her pronouns.

You were greeted by the smell of sage and onion, cranberries and roasted potatoes before you even walked through the door. Eric liked to be well prepared for Thanksgiving every year, his favourite holiday. This year he wanted it to be the best yet, he had all sorts of new recipes to try, and you weren’t complaining.

As you walked through the door and unwrapped your scarf you heard him summoning you in the kitchen “Babe! Come here, you have got to try this!”

You throw your keys in the ceramic pot with a satisfying clink as you walk into the kitchen. Eric was practically dancing around the kitchen; thanksgiving themed apron and oven mitts on, removing a pot of cranberry sauce off the stove. He removed his mitts and slammed them down on the counter, a very small act but he made it look so hot. His hair disheveled from the heat of the kitchen, he shook his head to remove the stray hair that landed on his forehead.

He grabbed a spoon from the drawer and dipped it into the sauce, he blew on it to cool it down and beckoned for you to try it with a raise of an eyebrow and a look down at the spoon. You take the utensil and lick it clean with a pop. It was unlike any cranberry sauce you have eaten. Usually no one bats an eyelid at the sauce at Thanksgiving dinner, it always tastes the same. But not this one, it was sweet and sour with the perfect amount of umami.

“Holy shit what did you put in it, crack?”, you say, immediately going in for seconds.

“Ah ah no double dipping! And yes I put cocaine in the sauce, pros of my job”. You were pretty sure he was joking, but it was hard to tell the past year, ever since the Black Friday Massacre he was like a totally different person, and you fell for him, hard. You fooled around a lot, but never anything more, but you liked to test the water occasionally, maybe today is one of those days. It was difficult for him to get over Amanda, which was totally valid to you, she was your friend too and you were in this revenge plot together. You knew his plans this year and you both want it to be perfect.

You both were quite the town gossip, people kind of knew something was going on between the two of you, but your age gap of 32 years was extreme for a lot of people. You were perfectly within legal age though, and it was none of their business. You couldn’t help but admit it was kind of a turn on for you though, being a slut, and for the soon to be serial killer. 

The kitchen counters are covered with food, with foil on the top to keep warm, you think he’s been cooking all day while you were at work. You sit down on the kitchen island and admire the sight of him dashing around the kitchen, making sure everything is turned off.

He reaches into a dish of roast potatoes with his hands and puts some stuffing and sauce on the top and holds it out to you. You go in for a bite but he pulls back and smirks. You drag him towards you with his apron, your legs spread embracing him and passionately kiss him, his stubble tickling your face.

He still has the potato in his hand and stuffs it into your mouth between kisses. You put on a show and moan while you eat the best roast potato of your life. You grab his wrist and lick his fingers clean, looking him dead in the eye as you do so. He watches you, deciding his next move.

He walks to the counter and uncovers a whole roast turkey from behind him. You walk over too and watch him carve it, he gives you the first piece. After you eat it, you pull on his hair and whisper in his ear, “I want you to stuff me like that turkey, put a baby in me, or two, just call me a turducken… well, more like a turfucken really”. He laughs, but you see his erection, clearly turned on by feeding you and enjoying yourself.

He suddenly snaps and slams you into the kitchen island, empty pans flying across the room. He kisses you wildly, his hands roaming your body frantically. You remove his apron and his trousers as he removes your underwear from under your dress. He grabs your hands around your back, making you turn around so you’re bending over the island.

He slams inside you, impatient, like a man starved. You moan at the sudden intrusion, he is larger than average and always hurts so good as he reaches to your cervix. He pulls on your hair and you arch your back as he thrusts into you manically, the B word clearly a turn on for him. You cling onto the side of the island for dear life.

He stops and turns you around, kissing and nibbling on your neck. He lifts you up and walks you to the dining room table, and puts you down, facing him. He strokes your belly gently and says, “when I’m finished with you, I want you to stay put and lift your hips up. I can’t wait for you to grow so large and make everyone think you’re pregnant with quadruplets, be the talk of the town and make people on the street talk shit about us. And when I catch them I’ll put them in their place, as I’m the fucking town Sheriff ”, you are taken aback at his commands but god it was so hot, and whisper a “yes daddy”.

"Good girl", he starts pushing inside you again, the table shaking with the weight. He leans on the wall behind you to go even deeper inside you. You’re both close, you could have come at his words alone, so it didn’t take much to send you over the edge. He stops and you keep him inside you, wrapping your legs around his waist. He moans and strains as he unloads inside you, you can feel him releasing stream after stream, there’s a lot and it takes a while for him to stop, some of it leaks onto the table. He gives you some to try on his fingers that still taste of cranberry sauce. He stays inside you a little bit after he finishes, stroking your belly and looking into your eyes. You move a bit further down the table so you can lift your hips quicker as he pulls out of you. He watches you lift your body, nods, and leaves. He comes back later with a towel, some water, and a plate of trimmings to share.

If this is the sex before the John Carver plan, you can't wait for what’s to come next.

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

Editors note: I was going to include a pigs in blanket joke at the end but it turns out that's only a British thing and not a Thanksgiving food?? You learn something new every day.

[noneorother]

The secret timeline inside of Good Omens season 2 revealed, *part2*

Part 1 l Part 2

The ineffable cut is explained in part 1. Please read that first. (I’ve burnt a timecode into this ineffable edit to help pick up the rhythm.)

So now that I've shown you XX:X6 is the number of the beast in the last installment, what else can we glean? Well, it turns out angel numbers (sequences of repeated numbers ex: 22:22 or 20:02) are quite important events in the S2 universe! I've cut together every "Angel Number" I could find in the timeline and put them in order. I first noticed this near the end of the ineffable cut, where Beelzebub and Gabriel hold hands, so I've started with that one just to give you an idea how bonkers this whole sequence is. Don't forget, sound on! Breakdown below the cut.

So we start off with this Beez and Gabriel sequence near the end of the cut. They start singing to each other a little out of time, but lo and behold, at 02:03:20 the music comes in right on time with the seconds ticking by to line them up. By the time they reach 03:33 they're gone.

Aziraphale is excited to get his "record"! He's doing something sneaky, and as a result opens the door to go off to said covert activity on 00:02:22.

Crowley asks "Do they know?" on 03:33. Who are they and why does he want to know? This whole scene is on a St-James park bench so spying and double speak is in progress, clearly.

Crowley then asks "Something big?" on 00:04:44. We get the hint for the main action of the entire second season here. Something's up with the up...

Now the real fun begins! I'll come back to the ones I just skipped in a later post because they're more subtle. Here's the first "real" angel number at 11:11. Aziraphale discovers THE box and touches it for the first time.

At 22:22 Nina and Maggie's signs are "mysteriously" ignored by a human passerby.

This is wild. Aziraphale is learning about the Everyday record and something funny happens. 33:31 Aziraphale says, " Do you have a copy?" 33:32 Maggie says, "Mm, too many of them" and at the same time a car horn beeps twice. 33:33 Aziraphale is startled by the fact that a double car horn happened on a XX:X2 and looks out the window in concern. So the question is: does Aziraphale feel or know the rhythm of the timestamps?? And are things that line up with numbers a signal he's paying attention to?

A funny one! At 44:44 Aziraphale seems to be wanting to check if Gabriel is really who he says he is, and is watching him like a hawk. Gabriel does all he can to do nothing at all and look innocent while the angel number passes by.

Another funny one. Nice. 55:55 reveals that the Bentley likes Aziraphale more than Crowley, and does whatever he wants, including not speeding when he puts his foot down.

This next one's a little peculiar. It seems like an exchange about Gabriel's whereabouts, but it's the halfway point of the edit (1:11:10-11:11:11) of the ineffable timeline and we seem to be having two conversations at once. Shax says on 11:11 "He hates you." Does she mean that she thinks Crowley hates Aziraphale, or... that Gabriel hates Aziraphale. Aziraphale looks noticeably shocked at her reply. After the eyebrow raise of "You don't seem like his type at all" I would bet we're not talking about Crowley anymore. How did she get this information?

01:22:22 Gabriel does a little laugh to himself while signalling with the lamp. What the fuck? Does someone know morse code?

01:33:33 Maggie extends her had to Nina at the ball, to invite her to dance. Nina looks pleased, but doesn't move until... a very odd miracle sound on a XX:X6 happens and she jumps up to take Maggie's hand. That miracle sound is not Aziraphale's, and besides, he would never miracle on a 6. Who's the demon making Nina dance...

Aziraphale's halo toss is the flip from ACT II to ACT III of season 2, and as such, get's a special time right before rolling over to the second hour. He decides to throw it down on exactly 01:54:45, and at 01:54:54 gets a giant tubular bell ring in the music to highlight the action. It lands on the ground at 01:55:01, and incinerates the demons at precisely 01:55:10.

01:59:59 Beez and Gabriel hold hands, and a magical chime sounds at 2:00:00. Maggie start her sentence "Aww, that's really sweet" at the same time, and manages to finish it on 2:00:02. (Dagon politely waits to pretend to barf on a XX:X3 after she's done.)

The last one is a big one : 02:02:02 gets "to face CELESTIAL punishment" by Michael. This is what we've been waiting for the entire season, the Checkov's gun of the book of life. But, where is it? We then get an odd cowboy showdown style stare-off between Michael and Shax. I'm predicting that missing chunk of time in the bookshop before we come back to Michael threatening Aziraphale with the book of life is going to be a pretty interesting reveal in season 3. -------------------------------------------

People, this is the short version of this post. There are SO MANY things to unpack. Next up is doubled numbers. If you want an ides of what it takes to break things down, here's my workflow timeline right now. The stuff after the first big space is numbers I haven't shown you yet... This show is insane.

[sadistic-kiss]

House of Alphas

Summary: Waking up in a world that was not your own was problematic enough. Being the villainess was another. However, the possessive alphas might take the cake.

Jujutsu Kaisen Omegaverse/Smut with Plot/ Reverse Harem

Omega!Reader x Alpha!Sukuna x Alpha!Toji x Alpha!Getou x Alpha!Nanami x Alpha!Gojo

Chapter 32: Slumber Party

~

…

“Careful there Sukuna we don’t want you transforming~.”

“Maybe I should-nm- to teach her slut ass a lesson.” Sukuna growled within his heat of passion. Your ass slaps against his hips with each powerful hit. You could barely catch your breath. There was no way you could handle his cocks in his true form.

“N-no please-ah!” Your arms were already so weak, you trembled above Dove, doing your best to hold yourself up but the animalistic way Sukuna was fucking you was making the task more and more difficult. “Su-Sukunaah~ Satoru~ Please~I-I said I was sorry ahhh~” Your concentration was split. From doing as they told you (so Dove doesn’t get mauled) and enjoying the double penetration you were receiving. You were going crazy.

“Doesn't she make the cutest expression?” Gojo teased. You didn’t know if he was saying that just to say it or if he actually wanted you or Dove to answer. “You can speak omega.”

Guess it was the latter.

You heard the audible gulp before she spoke, “Y-yes…sh-she’s so pretty sir.”

Your pussy fluttered around Sukuna’s cocks, the way she spoke about you had you swooning. Giant mouth Sukuna decided to announce his new findings with an evil chuckle.

“She likes that Satoru.”

“Yeah~? You hear that? You are pleasing our omega. Didn’t we pick a good one?”

“Mhm…yes… yes she- she’s gorgeous… a beautiful omega you have picked alpha...”

“She says we picked a good one Kuna~.”

“Damn right we did.”

“I-I wish I could touch her, please, may-may I please?”

“No.” They both said in unison making the omega whimper.

“Oh-oh nn-“

“She’s cumming- mm.” Sukuna didn’t let up, but once you clenched around him he leaned over you with a grit of his teeth. You could tell from the grinding of his teeth he was trying to not cum with you. That asshole was trying to drag this out, he wanted you to fail.

“Sukuna- please- please knot me ah~” You pushed into him and ground your hips

“You- ngh- dammit-“ His body twitched before his hips became frantic. He was weak to his own orgasm. Cumming right along with you.

You let out a cry, almost collapsing but you waited until you felt the two knots swell inside you. Your eyes rolled as you finally fell. You felt so bad having Dove right under you. You could feel her dress soaked from your essence.

“I-I’m sorry-“ You murmured to her.

“It’s okay…” She kept her hands away from you, even as Gojo let her wrists go she didn’t dare touch you. Sukuna was probably glaring down at her with his threatening red eyes.

“Don’t forget about me, sweetheart.” Your head was picked up by your hair,

you could barely look up to see the tip of Satoru’s cock and the fake lip pout he gave you.

Of all the times for you to face Satoru’s sadistic side you did not expect it to happen through his jealousy for Dove. They must genuinely see her as a threat. You mentally sighed as you weakly accepted Gojo’s cock in your mouth, you truly underestimated your yandere alphas.

…

~

👩‍🍳Read More👩‍🍳

[radiojamming]

Ice Mummies Ranked by How Well You Could Take Them in a Fight

I decided to use my academic interest in non-anthropogenic mummies—specifically ice mummies—to definitely rank each special case study in ice mummy-ology (cryomumiology?) based on the chance that you, my beloved reader, could take them in a fight. This exercise is based on the imagined scenario that each mummy has been brought back to tenuous life or animation and has overcome their causes of death to fight you back.

Notes: I haven't included any images of the mummies on the basis that some of them are nightmare-inspiring. Please use caution when looking them up to size them up for your inevitable battle. Also, ice mummies in this definition include both mummies found in glacial or permafrost conditions, but also mummies preserved by extreme cold.

(Special shout-out to @hollowtones for making posts about strong as fuck ice mummies and inspiring this whole thought exercise in the first place.)

Ötzi the Iceman - 5/10

You may possibly have a height advantage on the Ur-Iceman, Ötzi—he was only 5'3" (1.6m). However, Ötzi has a few advantages on you. Do you have razor-sharp lithic tools? If you do, do you know how to use them as well as a Chalcolithic human? Not only that, but Ötzi's got physical prowess and hunting instincts. Judging by his several dozen tattoos, he can also handle pain pretty damn well. You have a solid 50/50 shot at taking him down, but he's not going to go quietly.

Suggested tactic: Lure him in with the sweet, sweet promise of delicious cheeses and butters. He's lactose intolerant, so when he's doubled over and suffering, take him out right then and there. Aim for the joints since he's starting to show signs of arthritis. It won't be a clean fight, but mummy fights rarely are.

John Torrington - 3/10

You might have a height advantage against this whippersnapper, as he's roughly 5'4" (1.6 m again). However, he's young (19 or 20), relatively healthy aside from absolutely trashed lungs, and he's from Manchester. He's been spoiling for a fight since birth, and since he's a stoker, he's no stranger to physical labor. He'll also throw you off with his pretty boy looks—but make no mistake, he'll fuck you up.

Suggested tactic: Wait for him to wear himself out until he's a wheezing mess, then use that low center of gravity and knock him down. Or grab him by that Jacob Marley chin tie of his and fight dirty.

John Hartnell - 9/10

For once, he might have a height advantage on you, as this 25-year-old Kent-born sailor is a whopping 5'11" (1.8m). However, this sallow, willowy man was born with glass bones and paper skin, so it won't be hard to use his inherent weaknesses against him. He's fighting at a disadvantage with a sprained ankle, compressed lumbar vertebrae, necrotic right wrist bone, and lungs so shot to hell that it's a wonder he still has them (granted, his lungs are somewhere vaguely in the region of his stomach after a messy autopsy). It's more than likely you'll win, but the emotional toll of fighting this ailing man might be too much to handle.

Suggested tactic: Aim for one of his multitude of weak spots (ankle, shoulder, neck, chest, or messy Y-incision), or insult his mother. There's also a strong chance he's missing his left eye, so work that blind spot to your advantage. He's also not wearing pants, so make fun of him until he's emotionally-devastated.

William Braine - 2/10

Virtually no chance of victory against this guy. A 32-year-old Royal Marine, he's had plenty of experience training for this exact moment, and he's not going to let you win. He's also a towering Victorian height of 6'0" (1.82 m). Braine's had it rough in life and death and is also pantsless, but this Somerset native isn't letting that get to him.

Suggested tactic: He has a malformed spine from an advanced case of tuberculosis, so use that to your advantage. Other than that, just hope and pray for the best.

Kwäday Dän Ts’ìnchi - 1/10

It's not likely you'll actually be fighting Kwäday Dän Ts’ìnchi since he's since been cremated by his descendants, but on the freak chance he comes back for a fight, you're fucked. Coming in at 5'9" (1.75 m) and in his prime at 18 years old, Kwäday Dän Ts’ìnchi has a few good advantages on you. If you're fighting in his territory in Tatshenshini-Alsek Park in British Columbia, he can probably use the local terrain to his advantage, and did I mention he has a knife? He's also been on a protein-heavy diet of marine meat and caribou, so he's physically ready to put you in the ground instead of him.

Suggested tactic: Run for your life.

Siberian Ice Maiden/Altai Lady/Princess of Ukok - 3/10

Not very likely. She's young, she's in fairly good shape, and she's badass. This tattooed 25 to 30-year-old Pazyryk lady stands in at 5'4" (1.6m) but her presence is about twice that height. She's well-regarded in her culture, so even though she's dealing with some chronic pain, she has a whole team of people more than likely at her beck and call to do you in while she does something more important than dealing with you. She also has the advantage of grave goods, and might use her headdress and mirror to distract you long enough to kick your ass. Also, the presence of antlers in her group's grave material means she has access to plenty of pointy objects.

Suggested tactic: She was buried with cannabis, so maybe wait for her to get stoned before trying anything.

Children of Llullaillaco - 6/10

You can take these Andean kids on individually, sure—but would you? The youngest is only four or five, you monster. To make it a fair fight, take on the trio while we all make fun of you for fighting a group of kids. Granted, your chances of winning go down significantly if all three are present, as teeny-tiny El niño and La niña del rayo will distract you while teenage La doncella shoves you off the side of the mountain. Also, La niña del rayo was struck by lightning after death, so there's probably nothing you can do that can phase her.

Suggested tactic: Do you really need me to give you tactics to fight some kids? I hope they win, tbh.

George Mallory - 2/10

The Crown Prince of the Everest Ice Mummies, George won't let you take his title so easily. It took a mountain to bring this man down, and even then, he still kind of won. George has ice picks and axes on hand, and judging by the shockingly enormous amount of photographs of this man parading around completely naked, he's in the best shape of his life. Now, granted, he's had some bones broken since his fall, but I doubt he's going to let that worry him, old chap. He also might hypnotize you with his aforementioned naked ass.

Suggested tactic: Do not look at the ass. The ass is the way to your destruction. Focus on his shattered bones and bruised ribs, or try to get him to fall off the mountain again.

[klaprisun]

One Sunny Day

(Stardew Valley)(Haley x Female Farmer)

Chapter 32: Haley's POV

⚠️Content Warning⚠️

To my delight, I awakened in the early morning with the person I had just shared quite a night with still by my side. I do feel fairly guilty for not returning the favor for Danny, but she had rocked my world so intensely that I couldn’t even register what had happened. 

I also was feeling a little nervous with everything too, considering it was my first time getting down and dirty with a girl. I really don’t want to embarrass myself, or make myself a fool. Being bad at things on the first try makes me lose my mind too, so I can either be phenomenal or nothing at all. Little dramatic on my part, but I don’t want Danny to laugh at me or pity me.

She really isn’t that kind of person though, she wouldn’t laugh at me or make fun of me. I know she would be patient with me and let me take my time figuring things out, but I don’t want to disappoint her. Danny really set the bar high with her performance last night.

Just as I was about to sit up in bed, I looked down and noticed Danny’s arm strewn across my stomach. Her hand was caressing the side of my hip ever so gently in her sleep. She was sleeping, stomach down, head turned away from me with the blankets weirdly entwined with her legs. She is a really warm bodied person, so I can see how the blankets got kicked down to our legs like that. I would’ve been cold all night if it wasn’t for her body heat.

I watch as Danny’s bare back rises and falls slowly with each deep breath she takes in her sleep. She was truly okay with sleeping naked last night, which I really didn’t mind. It is a nice treat to wake up to this morning, that's for sure. 

Suddenly, as if sensing I was awake, Danny rolls over onto her back with a groan. She stretches her arms above her head and grabs onto the headboard. At this moment, all other thoughts have escaped my brain and my heart flutters in my chest.

“Haley,” Danny groans in another attempt to stretch, this time her legs. “Are you up?”

“Mhmm,” I sing back, soaking up her beautiful body. I try to be polite, but my eyes just keep finding their way to her chest. 

“I did end up having a dream where this ended up coming off.” As she said that, she tugged at my nightgown. Danny had rolled onto her side now to look at me, propping her head up with her hand. 

“Oh, did you?” I seductively respond, propping myself up as well so we are face to face. She wraps her other arm around my waist and pulls me closer, pressing our bodies together tightly. 

“Do you always look this pretty when you first wake up?” Danny whispers.

“I could say the same to you…” I feel my cheeks heat up and look away sheepishly. She brings my gaze back to her by taking my chin in her hand. She softly kisses my lips, which I quickly return. 

What starts off as a wholesome moment, quickly escalates to a continuation from the night before. Our lips move in perfect sync with one another, sometimes slipping a tongue into the mix here and there. I find myself rolling on top of Danny so that I’m straddling her hips. She effortlessly slips my nightgown off and hangs it up on the post of the headboard. She does a double take when she notices her cowboy hat hung up on the same post.

“Hey, there’s my hat,” she exclaims as she reaches over and places it atop of her head. She just got significantly sexier with the hat.

“Oh my Yoba…” I mutter, feeling my underwear getting a little soaked. And so early in the morning, how dare she.

I feel her grab onto my hips and flip me around so that I’m now under her. She grabs onto the headboard with one hand and keeps the other wrapped around my waist. 

“Ah ah ah,” I managed to get out between kisses.

“What’s wrong?” Danny pulls back worriedly.

“You had your time to shine last night. It’s my turn,” With my movement, I slowly guide us into switching positions so that I’m back over her. 

“Are you sure you are comfortable with that?” Danny sighs, biting her lip.

“Well when you make that face at me. I’ll do anything for you,” I reply, nipping at her neck. She tilts her head back and untenses her body, putting her arms behind her head. She still has her darn hat on too.

I start to venture down her body the same way she did to me last night. I place kisses all over her body, focusing mostly on her chest. Soon after I travel down to just above the hem of her panties and nip at her skin around there. Taking a deep breath, I go to slip my hand under the waistband. But just before I do, I notice my long, manicured nails. I hesitantly cringe at the thought of using my wicked long nails to pleasure Danny, but then get a bold idea. 

I made the decision so fast, Danny didn't even realize I had hesitated. Instead of slipping my hands down the front of her waistband, I slip them down the sides and tug her underwear off. I gently graze my fingernail along the inside of her thighs, giving her goosebumps. My thumb finds its way to her clit and I rub in circles. She is soaking wet at my touch, making my stomach flip in excitement.

I lower my head down to between her legs and push her legs further apart so I can start using my mouth. 

“Oh Haley…” Danny moans, arching her back as my tongue makes contact with her clit. “I didn’t expect you to do that…”

I don’t reply since I was a bit busy, but I bring one hand up and flash my nails at her as my only explanation. 

I feel her legs start to quiver and shake but I hold them down, not letting her squirm away from me. I’ve never felt so dominant in a relationship before. Even between Danny and I, she is usually the one doing the work so this is a nice change.

“You are doing so well,” Danny moans to me, making my heart skip a beat. I watch her hand fly up and grab onto her hat as she arches her back again. Her body starts to shutter, and I feel her start pulsing against my tongue. She lets out a moan, but I hear her try to hold back anymore from escaping. She is making sure Emily doesn’t hear what's going on. 

Slowing down and pulling away, I look up to see Danny panting heavily, closing her eyes and leaning her head back.

“You sure you’ve never done that before?” Danny breathes out. 

“I think I’d remember if I had,” I chuckle.

“Never know. What if you had too much to drink,” Danny teases, putting her underwear back on. I give her a playful shove as I get up to put some clothes on for the day.

“Round three?” Danny sneers, eyeing me up as I bend over to ruffle through a drawer of my dresser.

“Put your clothes on, silly,” I begin to put on a jean skirt and blouse. Danny tries standing up from the bed, but her legs wobble too much and she just falls back onto the bed. 

“I need a minute,” she huffs. I pick up her clothes from the floor and toss them at her, rolling my eyes playfully. 

She slips into her flannel and starts doing up all the buttons. She then finally stands up and hikes her shorts up and on. 

“Time for breakfast,” she slings her arm around my shoulders and walks us to the bedroom door to head out for the day. I have a sneaky feeling everyone is going to know something is up. Danny isn’t exactly the subtlest person ever. 

The two of us head over to the kitchen, Danny’s arm still slung around my shoulders. I feel a blush forming on my face as we near Emily who is sitting at the kitchen table. And just as I suspected, Danny cannot refrain from doing the most already.

“What’s up Emily!” She holds her hand up for a high five. Emily raises her eyebrow but smacks her hand against Danny’s. She quizzically turns to me for an answer, but sees the huge blush I have on my face. 

“OH MY YOBA,” She screeches. Her hands fly up to her mouth to cover it in shock. Danny goes to lean on the table, but stumbles as she just misses the corner of it. She cannot play it cool whatsoever. 

Time for me to get ready for a million questions and have the whole town know.

[mirai-e-jump]

Masato Yano Photobook: TONE (translations and select pages below)

Publication: March 15, 2024

Masato Yano's 132 Q&A About 13 years ago, "Masato Yano's Style Photobook" was published with a Q&A. Now, a 32 year old Masato Yano answers nearly the same questions again.

1) What's your nickname? Yanocchi, Masanii, Masati

2) When were you born? December 16, 1991

3) What's your blood type? Type B

4) Your zodiac sign? Sagittarius

5) What size family are you from? I come from a family of 4

6) How tall are you? 173cm

7) Your shoe size? 26.5cm

8) What are some of your strengths? My jokes

9) How do you spend your days off? I'll drink the night before, go to the gym

10) What subjects were you worst at? Math and history

11) What are your favorite foods? Sushi and tsukemen

12) What's your assessment of your own personality? I'm easily obsessive and bored. I'm actually shy, but I'm trying my best so you don't think that way (laughs)

13) What are some of your weaknesses? I'm not good at remembering things like people's birthdays or names

14) What are you proud of? That I made my debut in "Shintokumaru"

15) What's your favorite color? Red and white

16) What type of woman do you like? Someone with a good core, someone who eats beautifully

17) What instruments can you play? None

18) What's your special skill? That I can guess who someone is just by their voice

19) What's your best feature? My double eyelids

20) What do you wish would disappear from the world? War

21) The first impressions that are often said about you? That I look scary

22) The person that you respect? Tsumabuki Satoshi-san and Fujiwara Tatsuya-san

23) What do you have a habit of saying? "~nanoyo" and "oh no"

24) Your least favorite type? Someone who only talks about themself

25) What's your treasure? The wallet I received from Tsumabuki-san

26) The ideal self that you desire to be? I want to be liked by many people

27) What's your "theme song"? Recently it's been that I'm the "most powerful king"

28) Your favorite artists? WATWING, the Carpenters, Eric Clapton, GENERATIONS

29) What do you do when you first wake up in the morning? Put on my glasses

30) What do you do right before bed? Put on the radio

31) What habits do you do unconsciously? Touch my nose, do things like suck on the end of a straw

32) What do you usually perform at karaoke? I tend to sing alot by SMAP

33) What foods do you not like? Shiitake mushrooms

34) What's your favorite thing to drink? Mets Grapefruit

35) What was the first CD you ever bought? Jet Coaster Romance by KinKi Kids

36) What do you like to watch and what's your favorite anime? Great Pretender, soccer games

37) How long does it take for you to bathe? 1 hour

38) What's your favorite season? I don't do well with heat

39) When do your emotions become intense? They don't

40) What are your hobbies? Muscle training

41) Do you cry easily? When I feel like it

42) Do you have a pet? What's it's name? I had one. It was a cat named Chaco

43) How many children do you want? I want two. A boy and a girl

44) What's the first thing you look at when entering a convenience store? The bento corner

45) What do you usually buy from a convenience store? Water and spicy ramen

46) What really makes you angry? Nothing much

47) What's the number one thing you want right now? Muscles! (laughs)

48) What have you been secretly interested in recently? The Korean language

49) What's the one thing you'd take to a deserted island? A lighter

50) How do you relax at home? Burn incense and listen to some records

51) What's necessary for world peace? Love

52) What do you wonder about? Why is there a Ladies Day, but not a Men's Day?

53) What would you do if the world ended today? I'd overdo things as usual

54) S? M? I wouldn't say I'm an M💦

55) What's your phone background? Currently it's King-Ohger (for the past 2 months)

56) What animal would you compare yourself to? Some kind of reptilian I guess

57) What are you into these days? Cilantro

58) What do you like to collect? Miniature food sets

59) What's your favorite scent? White musk types, Savon by SHIRO

60) What's something expensive that you bought recently? A vintage varsity jacket

61) How often do you go out shopping? At the very least I go out once a month

62) Can you cook? I do it often

63) What kind of present would you be happy to get from a friend? I'd be happy with anything

64) What would make a girl happy if you gave her a present? Aesop

65) What's your fetish? Legs

66) What would the ideal confession be? Saying it on the way back home after going out for meals a few times

67) At what age do you want to marry by? Hopefully by 40 (laughs)

68) What's something good you do for your body? I go to the gym

69) What's something you always have on you? Chapstick

70) What's the ideal spot for a date? A buffet

71) Which do you prefer? The sea or the mountains? Both the sea and mountains have alot of bugs

72) What scares you? Roller coasters, horror, cockroaches

73) When does your excitement rise? When my work goes well

74) What's your favorite place? Home

75) What's your favorite store? It's a secret ❤️

76) Are you a meat eater? Vegetarian? Are you a fan of cabbage rolls? I eat bugs

77) What's your favorite onigiri topping? Salmon roe

78) What do you usually get at a cafe? I don't go to cafes

79) What's something tasty you've eaten recently? The umeboshi Fukuyama-kun gave me

80) What have you been paranoid about recently? That a big earthquake will hit Tokyo

81) Where do you start washing your body from? My head

82) What's your favorite type of fashion? Things that give off an "American casual" feel

83) At what moment do you fall in love with someone? Sometimes it's not really apparent

84) What words make you happy to hear? "Your performance was good"

85) What's your favorite movie? Grave of the Fireflies

86) What person do you really want to meet right now? Ninagawa-san

87) What's something that's alittle luxurious? Sushi that doesn't come from a conveyor belt

88) How would you describe yourself with a single (kanji) character? "Think," because no matter what I do or say, I have alot to think about.

89) How long does it take you to get up in the morning and leave your house? On a work day it takes 20 minutes. I usually don't go out on my days off (laughs)

90) What changes your mood? When I'm left out

91) What would you consider (if they did) to be cheating on you? If they did a deep kiss (laughs)

92) Are you sensitive to the heat? To the cold? I don't like either

93) Emails or phone calls, which is better? Writing is best

94) What do you frequently use on your phone? Instagram, Twitter, Uber

95) How old were you when you first fell in love? What kind of person were they? It was a kid who lived in my neighborhood when I was in my second year of elementary school.

96) What gestures do women do that make you feel excited? When they put their hair behind one ear

97) Are you enjoying work right now? I want to have fun (laughs)

98) What's your favorite TV program? Programs that only feature comedians

99) What's your favorite sport? Soccer

100) What's your least favorite sport? Baseball

101) Are you the type of person who likes park rides that cause you to scream? I don't do well with them, but if I'm asked to ride one, I will (laughs)

102) Are you good at athletics? I think I'm a good at it

103) What do you take photos of? Tsukemen and sushi

104) What's your favorite flower? Gerbera

105) What's your favorite event of the year? It's New Year's Eve, I'll have a party with my friends and we'll eat alot

106) What's your top 3 favorite stalls at a festival? Beef skewers is #3, grilled squid is #2, okonomiyaki is #1

107) What was your most stressful experience? Performing on opening day for Shintokumaru

108) Your favorite donburi? Beef bowl

109) Are you good with your hands? I wonder~?

110) How long do you sleep in a day? About 3-7 hours. I sleep alot longer on days when I don't work

111) Is your sleeping position good? I think it's okay

112) What's your favorite ramen? I love tsukemen. I have a "cat's tongue" though

113) What color would you compare yourself to? Purple

114) Do you like scary stories? I don't like them in any way (laughs)

115) What subjects were you best at? Gym and art

116) What club activities were you involved in? The soccer club in middle school and the dance club in high school

117) If you were reborn, would you rather be male or female? I'd still want to be male

118) What part time jobs have you had? A bread factory, an Izakaya, a festival stall

119) What do you want to do when you're 40? Meet fans at events

120) What were your favorite school lunches? Nanbanzuke, meat sauce

121) Have you ever seen a ghost? I might've (laughs)

122) What's something you'd like to try that you've never experienced before? Travel overseas

123) Where would you like to take a trip to? Hot springs, Korea, Italy

124) What's your favorite ride at an amusement park? The exploration based ones

125) How many times in one day do you send emails? Currently, I exchange about 30-50 LINE's a day

126) Were you the type of person who finished their Summer homework early? I always felt like I was rushing to finish it at the last second💦

127) Are you more likely to arrive early for a meet up? Or do you arrive late? For work I'm early, in my private life I'm late

128) If you want to go out with someone, how many years older are you okay with? I've never thought about it in terms of age

129) What's an essential item you need when traveling? Earphones

130) What do you do when you can't sleep at night? There are so many things that I'll just give up. I actually thought about this questionnaire when I couldn't sleep (laughs)

131) What do you think about while brushing your teeth? I imagine that there's red paint on my teeth, and then I'll imagine how I have to get it off

132) If you only had one week left to live, what would you do? I'd eat a bunch of the foods I like. I'd meet up with the people I like as much as possible. I'd leave a secret audio farewell message for everyone

[leakyweep]

Smoker x Afab!Reader: Forbidden Romance

A/N: thank you @smokersbaby for this amazing idea! I loved how it came out; and writing this really pushed me out of my comfort zone! I hope you enjoy <3

Warnings: violence, oral (m receiving), fingering, penetration, creampie, nicknames (love, baby, darling), very lightly proofread

MINORS, DNI. YOU WILL BE BLOCKED.

Words: 3.0k

Sabaody Archipelago; Grove 32 was alive with the sounds of amusement rides and food frying at different stands; yet all Smoker could focus on was the note that burned hot in his pocket. It was a piece of information intended for you, though he wasn't sure you'd even be here.

Your pirate crew was quite infamous for their impressive strength and abominable members, so Smoker at least had an excuse to know your whereabouts. He had heard through the transponder snail your crew would likely be running amok in the lower groves of the tree island-- though he knew well enough to stay away from the first twenty or so groves at risk of being decapitated by the pirates and bounty hunters there.

So here he was, fiddling with the paper in his pocket as his eyes scanned the crowds. Knowing you, he figured you'd come by with no company to secretly enjoy a ride or two; your sense of fun and child-like wonder was something Smoker realized early on that was something that made him attracted to you, though he was quite a serious man himself. So why was he so nervous?

He was asking a lot, after all. You were a pirate for fuck's sake; he could never be caught alone with you like that, lest he be kicked out of the Marines for the rest of his life.

He shook his head, focusing back on each of the faces in the crowds from behind his black shades. However, the features he had spent so long memorizing in the short exchanges he had with you before wasn't what caught his eyes. It was that laugh, like a ringing bell in the recesses of his mind. His neck snapped over to a teacup ride, where you were spinning wildly and tipping your head back in a joyful giggle.

As you stepped off the ride, your mind dizzy from the way you whipped yourself around, you almost didn't notice the tall, silver-haired Marine standing just outside the theme park. Your heart dropped at the sight of his gruff face, a little more stubbly than the last time you saw him, his lips set in that harsh frown, his teeth adorned with the usual double-cigar combo.

To avoid hurting the civilians in the park, Smoker waited for you to approach him. As you did, his lips set themselves up into a smirk. As far as everyone else knew, you were a bounty-heavy pirate that Smoker was trying desperately to catch. To the two of you, your constant meetings were much different.

"We meet again, it seems," you laughed as you were now standing in front of the man, not breaking that steely gaze of his even as your hands fiddled with the sword in your sheath, "It looks as if you were expecting me."

Even with how stoic the man was, you didn't miss the twitch in his brow and you smirked. He began to pull his weapon from his back, pointing it towards you with an intimidating stance.

"You do have quite the bounty," he replied, quickly charging towards you shrouded in smoke.

In a flash and a loud clang, the Marine was in your face, smirking with those annoying cigars in his mouth. You had to fight the urge to lean forward and connect your lips to his, almost forgetting you were fighting in front of many surprised bystanders.

"Is that all you see in me, Smoker?" you asked, your eyebrows furrowed but your lips upturned. He chuffed as you pushed him away with your sword, taking a step before seemingly teleporting towards him with one more step after the other. His senses were heightened, trying to think of how he was going to slip this note to you.

"I'm hurt," you continued, your voice from behind him causing him to gasp and turn, but it was too late. You sliced him, clubbing his side with the blunt side of your sword. The wind knocked from his lungs and he found himself kneeling in the grass, your feet just out of his fuzzy gaze.

With a laugh, you walked towards him, your sword pointed towards his forehead. How could this happen? I got distracted! Smoker mentally cursed himself for getting caught off guard by some stupid piece of paper. He lifted himself to his feet, his large Jitte slung over his shoulder. He spit out the cigars, stomping the fire out before setting his attention to you, his eyes grazing every inch of your beautiful curves and dips. Getting distracted again!

Silently, he turned to smoke, slowly dissipating into the tendrils of grey. You glanced around, a challenging gleam in your eyes as you thought about the effect you had on him. Hiding in the smoke to conceal his face... it made you smile.

Suddenly he was next to you, the pommel of his weapon digging into your spine and making you yelp, your body falling towards the ground. You hadn't even sensed his presence, and his legs were replaced with a cloud of smog.

He caught your now aching figure in his strong arms, that cocky grin you knew so well adorning his features. He was eclipsing you, his body almost three times the size of your own.

It made a fire deep within you light, triggering those memories of dark, abandoned rooms, pushing things to the side as you shoved him onto whatever surface you could, limbs and tongues entangled passionately and hurriedly, unable to go further than heavy makeouts due to time and circumstances. His large hands, though rough, were always so gentle with your delicate body, holding you as if you were made of glass or marble- a statue made just for him to admire.

"Got ya," he taunted, his fingers caressing your hips, down to your thighs. Luckily, and you were sure he did it on purpose, there was smoke that he could use as cover as he graced his nails over the exposed skin of your legs. They rounded back up to your torso before you felt something being stuffed into your pocket. You looked up at him, a puzzled look on your face.

"What're you-" you were cut off by a gruff grunt as he finished whatever he was doing, dropping you to the ground. You knew he had to do this to save face, but you knew he would always give you a chance to run before his men could arrive.

You quickly scrambled to your feet, rubbing your back. You had returned your sword to its home, focusing on disappearing before anyone could know what happened. Your steps were quick and methodical as you seemingly vanished into the air, Smoker feigning a shocked look as you left, meeting the rest of your crew in the neighboring groves. After seeing the blossoming bruise decorating your back, they all cursed at you for getting caught by the Vice Admiral yet again.

After getting checked out by the ship's doctor back at the inn, you sighed, sitting on the edge of the lumpy bed. You were thinking back on the way Smoker's touch felt against your skin, goosebumps raising on your legs as if he were doing it again. You shivered and shook your head, standing and kicking the pair of shorts you had been wearing that day.

Something crumpled under your toe, and suddenly you remembered the item that the man had shoved into your pocket. You pulled it form the jeans, uncrumpling the tired piece of scrap and reading it with heated cheeks.

Wanna see you. All of you. Shakky's - 11 pm.

His writing was scratchy and hard to read, as if he had scrambled to even etch the words onto paper. It made you smile thinking about that, but it made you smile even bigger thinking about what the words meant. You quickly realized how late it was and snapped your head to the clock, which read 10:45. You could make it if you booked it now.

The moonlight seemed to cast a spotlight on you as you snuck away from the inn where all your crew members were drinking and carrying on in merriment. You were sure they were paying no attention to the entrance so you made your way out and to the rip-off bar groves away.

Upon arrival, the smell of beer and sweat filled your nostrils, making your nose crinkle. You looked around, giving a small nod to the tall, beautiful woman behind the bar before seeking out the Marine.

You were positive that the man would be disguised, as he usually had to be due to his status. If anyone caught a Vice Admiral sneaking around with a wanted pirate, it was game over for both. His height always gave him away to you as well as the two thick cigars hanging from his lip.

He was wearing a hooded jacket that shadowed his face, his strong nose casting darkness across half his face as he looked down into his drink. You approached him with a devious smile, stopping with your breasts basically on the table. His head lifted, the lights from above casting a warm glow onto his pale face and making him seemingly luminate from his skin.

Eyes fixed on your breasts for a beat before flitting up to your face, Smoker smiled tightly and motioned to the chair across from him. "Good to see you again. You look..." a breath escaped his mouth, "gorgeous. Really."

Your cheeks dusted pink and you covered your mouth with a hand dramatically. "You don't look too bad yourself. I'm diggin' the 5 o' clock shadow."

With a laugh on your lips, you reached over and held his face, thumb rubbing circles into the stubby skin there. You felt him tense, pulling away when the waiter came by to get you a drink.

A moment of tense silence followed the delivery of the drink, and you couldn't help but look at him expectantly. He was staring at you, his tough face set in a gentle expression as he gazed upon your face, your shoulders, any exposed skin seemingly whispering his name and begging to be touched. He cleared his throat before speaking.

"G-5 has to leave early morning tomorrow. It's going to be a while before I can see you again, love." The nickname always made your head dizzy, heart beating in your ears as he leaned closer and whispered, "I need you. Need to feel you and hear you scream my name."

You had never guzzled a drink so fast in your life. Not much was said, just a few updates on one another's journey. Quick feet and pulling hands between you both, you were alone in the private quarters of the Marine's ship. It was risky, yes; but you were covered with a cloak and Smoker dared one of his men to question what- or rather who- he did in his bed.

Clothes were forgotten, passionate lips connected, hands roamed across hot skin. You were left in your lacy bra and undies, a matching set you had thrown on in haste before you had bolted to Shakky's. The man took a moment to admire every part of you; his gaze slowly tearing through you from head to toe. The look in his eyes was anything but holy, pupils dilated and irises clouded with desire.

You dragged your fingers from his collarbone, down to his abs, your tickling fingers making him inhale sharply. Your lips danced across the sensitive skin of his neck, leaving purple marks in your wake. Your nails dragged up and down his abs. His hands were traveling up and down your curvy waist, hands gripping the plush skin of your hips. His palms engulfed you, his size clear as his broad chest hovered above you. Your legs tried their best to wrap around his torso, though you could barely hook your ankles together.

"Shit-" Smoker grunted, your sinful mouth now leaving bite marks on his chest, driving him crazy. He could feel his cock twitching in his boxers, need coursing through his veins. "Need ya- hah- to put those pretty lips around my cock."

"Do you need it?" you asked sweetly, your hands making their way to the hard-on imprinted in his underwear, giving it a soft squeeze. He groaned, his eyes falling closed, chin tipping upwards.

"Yes-" his breath was labored, having dreamt of this for so long and jacked off to the thought of you looking up at him from between his legs, batting your eyelashes as you swallowed his cock.

Your smile was cat-like, hands working his boxers off and freeing his swollen dick from its confines. The girth and curve of it was enough to make your mouth water; a large vein ran from the base to halfway down his length on the topside of it, and his tip was red and pitiful, almost begging to be sucked.

You engulfed his swollen head in your wet mouth, tongue swirling around the slit and collecting the precum from it. A shaky call of your name left his mouth, large hands grabbing the sides of your head to push himself deeper into your throat. Sounds of chokes and wet squelches filled the man's ears, and he looked down to admire the sight before him.

Your eyes were glossy, pupils fixed on his own through your thick eyelashes. Your dainty hands dug into his muscled thighs as your mouth worked down his length, pausing for a moment to squeeze his tip in your throat before lifting back up, tongue dragging along that thick vein. You grabbed his balls with one hand, massaging them with your fingers.

"Fuuuck- love, just like that, so good-!" You smiled around his length as Smoker encouraged you.

His hands were now controlling your pace, your cheeks puffed to suck him in and tighten your mouth around his weeping cock. A strained grunt left his mouth before he was spurting down your throat, head tipped back and hips pushed against your face. His pubes tickled your nose, and when he pulled out, a thick string of cum and spit connected you to him.

Heavy pants left his mouth as he admired your face; cheeks pink, faint tears running down them, your eyelids droopy as you looked up at him lustfully. He smiled at you gently, thick fingers gripping your chin to pull you towards him.

"Did so good, my darling," he breathed, your breaths mingling. "Now I'm gonna take care of you..."

His fingers were like heaven in your dripping cunt; they worked you methodically and slowly to find just what made you tick. By the time your orgasm washed over you, only two of his thick digits had stretched you, prodding mercilessly at your pulsing cunt until you were creaming and writhing around his fingers, tasting yourself when he was finished as he pushed your slick into your mouth.

"Taste so good, huh baby?" He asked lovingly, your head nodding around him. "That's right, my love... now, how do you want me to fuck you?"

He pulled out from your mouth, eyes sparkling as he waited for your answer. Your mind was swimming with all the different naughty positions you had imagined yourself taking him in, but one stuck out to you. You wanted to watch his face contort in pleasure as your cunt pleasured and swallowed him whole.

"Wanna ride you," You whispered, guiding him to lay against the headboard, back upright as you climbed into his lap. Your breasts were now free from the bra you had on, and Smoker cupped them in his hands, engulfing them completely and giving them a squeeze.

You had no idea what you did to him; he felt as if he were gazing upon a higher power, like you were telling him all the secrets of the world and all he could do was listen and stare in awe.

You carefully lined up the man's aching cock with your entrance, burying him in your wet heat while the stretch of his cock pulled a long moan from the back of your throat, until you were impaled completely on his dick.

"F-fuck, so big-" you sighed, forehead resting against his muscled shoulder. You began to bounce your hips against him, his mind hazy and his hands still gripping your breasts as they recoiled in time with your pace. Hands planted against his chest, you savored the way his cock pressed against your sweet spot, poking at your cervix each time your cunt swallowed him to the hilt.

"You're so tight- so good for me, just like that baby-" His praises filled your ears and encouraged you to quicken your rhythm, fingernails leaving crescent shapes in his muscled chest. He could feel his dick pulsing, begging to release any second.

Your pussy clamped around him, the shockwaves from his fingers pinching your nipples causing your orgasm to wash over you like a tsunami wave. Your ass connected to his hips, your lips singing his name. He pushed up into you, painting your walls with his semen, pulling out and watching the creamy fluid pool on his abs.

You looked up at him, your chest heaving in time with his as you basked in the feeling of being fucked by the man you could never admit you loved. He was smiling at you, grinning like you had never seen before.

"That was..." he started between breaths, rubbing his chin thoughtfully to think of a word to describe the previous fornication.

"Exquisite? Magnificent? Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious?" You finished, a chuckle lacing your words.

Smoker just rolled his eyes playfully, pushing your cheeks together and leaning up to kiss your squished lips.

As he held you and pet your hair gently, you couldn't help that empty feeling in your chest as you thought about how you wouldn't see him again for a while. You only smiled, taking a deep breath and letting the thought go.

That was a problem for tomorrow. For now, you relaxed in the Marine's arms, talking about everything and nothing with him, taking in the way the glow of the moon bathed the two of your nude bodies in pale light.

[sergeifyodorov]

In my relatively short career as A Guy Who Watches Hockey Games (In Person) I have realized that there is in fact a "bucket list" of things a person wishes to see. Some things -- a goalie goal, for example -- are so infinitesimally unlikely you can't really bank on ever getting to see one; if you went to a game where a goalie scored a goal, You won hockey, doesn't matter what the score was. It is not my mission to see one of these, but here's what I actually do want to see:

Every currently operating Great One (Ovechkin, Crosby, McDavid, Matthews, Bedard). I have seen 2/5 -- Bedard and Matthews (in the same game, even -- went to Leafs/Hawks in Chicago). It brings me great pleasure to note that I have seen rookie Connor Bedard. It was from very far away (press box seats. thanks dave!!! <- not sarcasm i had a lot of fun) but I can confirm he is that tiny IRL. The hope is to see at least one more this season; the Caps come to Ottawa (my current home arena, and there is no way I'm paying for Leafs home tickets) twice in January, and I might see the Pens in Detroit also.

Speaking of AM34 I would like to see him score a GOAL. Auston that's basically your whole thing. Auston please. Your goals

I have seen two hat tricks (Mika Zibanejad JIMMY VESEY!??? pre-COVID when i did Not care about hockey, Jason Dickinson in the aforementioned Leafs/Hawks game). I would like to see a hat trick from someone i CARE about oh my god.

This is not a bucket list item but I have been going around telling people I saw a Mika Zibanejad hat-trick this whole fucking time and it was JIMMY VESEY????? Mika got 3 assists and I think I remembered him more than Jimmy FUCKING Vesey because Jimmy Vesey is (as established in iconic piece of 21st century tragedy filmmaking All or Nothing: Toronto Maple Leafs) vanilla as fuck and Mika has a name and identity that really clicks with you when you are 15 and only at this hockey game because you're on spring break vacation with your absent father and he really likes hockey. Jimmy fucking Vesey

This is an internal betrayal of the highest degree.

I would like to see a fun comeback; either the home team at a game where I am a neutral party, or the Leafs.

I want to see a game at everyone's home stadium. Currently at 4/32 (MSG, Scotiabank, CTC, United Center (NYR/TOR/OTT/CHI))

I don't care about normal fights (half a lie; they're fun but not a bucket list item) but I would kill to see a goalie fight

A playoff game. Ideally one where the Leafs win, but I will take what I can get

A playoff game that goes into at least double OT. This is technically separate from the previous statement but combined would be fun.

This is a rare one: I want to be at one of those games that you can refer to in shorthand and everyone who's a serious fan will go oh, That game. Like not "They lost in OT in Chicago and some dude scored a hat-trick and Willy's point streak broke" shorthand. "10-7 in Detroit" shorthand. "Steve Dangle's most viewed video" shorthand. Post-a-screenshot-and-people-know type of shorthand. Good or bad. I just want it to be weird

[fem-the-artist]

Magic Future au

Some of the basics:

Usually when I’m drawing an older Timmy unless specified otherwise it’s probably for this au

This entire a use, basically my own personal headcanons of what I think Timmy’s future should be also in know that anything past season six that happened in the show is not canon

So no Chloe , no sparky , no foop (there is a version of an anti-poof. It just doesn’t align with what the show portrayed.)

Wishology is also on thin ice. I am going to pick and choose what I do and do not want from that special. 

 There’s also gonna be quite a sprinkle of Nicktoons unite in here because universal travel is silly 

The for main ages that I focus on for Timmy are 10 (really more like 11) 14, 19 and 32  I’m gonna post a visual aid later to show where he’s at on those four points later 

But there’s a reason for each of these ages being focused on 10 11 is focused on potential episodes I thought of as well as for those of you who know my OC Cinnamon who is Tootie’s godparent  so this age is mostly used to explore new relationship dynamics between the cast, with is such a change 

14 is really used to explore that awkward teenage phase and is right before Timmy has his gender epiphany. Also, a lot of relationship drama is 14 and figuring things out. There are going to be a lot of ups and downs. 

19 is the one you’ve seen the most of on my page, he’s confident he’s shameless he’s Timmy! interacts the most with the Nicktoons gang currently dating Jimmy. I wanted to skip ahead to 19 instead of 18, because 18 would be dealing with the no fairies memory issues drama. 19 however, they were essentially cut a small deal. Cosmo and Wanda are temporarily suspended from being godparents. Timmy doesn’t lose his memories however, he also doesn’t get to keep Cosmo and Wanda as god parents, but he gets the small bottle of fairy dust that he keeps around his neck at all times for emergencies 

It’s also an indicator that he’s essentially part of the magical world. Timmy was allowed to keep his memories and magic in his life for 3 reasons

Reason 1 saving fairy world countless times  is one of them

Reason number 2 really just amounts to poof’s existence because I’m doing his wishes and memories under does poof 

And reason number 3 Timmy is just far too ingrained into fairy culture, everyone in fairy world knows him. He’s a minor celebrity. He spent holidays there, he invented, and is the announcer for the Fairy Olympics. And to put it simply the people there know him and no other God kid has ever gotten that much notoriety in fairy world. He is one of them. 

Anyway, back to the ages 32 seems like a jump, but that’s because it takes place during ‘new wish’  with Hazel. Ok hear me out for this one. I love the ending of channel chasers everyone does, but I’m also want Timmy to keep the magic in his life so a compromise.

Fairy warden Timmy you know him you love him I’ve always believed that if Timmy was gonna be anything, he was gonna be a goddamn lawyer, with the amount of times that boy has gone to court 

In the episode, a wish to far Timmy makes a series of selfish wishes, and Jorgen takes him to court saying ‘hey, you don’t get your fairies anymore you suck’. Essentially, Timmy had no real defense outside of Cosmo and Wanda, who are a biased party and who Jorgan never listens to so in theory

If this is a thing that Jorgan regularly does, I feel like the kids who get called on like this should get a defense lawyer, a.k.a. Timmy! Being a fellow fairy warden means he has just as much authority as Jorgen as well as previously being a human means he understands where the kids are coming from because fairies have been shown to not fully understand how humans work so tend to be biased, which is why Timmy would be the perfect lawyer on the kids side!

Anyway, Timmy is a fairy warden/lawyer 

As for how channel chasers plays into this, we’ve got a double life situation going on here  we’re technically, while he still works as a fairy he lives as a human (also, he’s not a full fairy just stating that since fairies are born, not made he technically qualifies as a separate species. Most people call him a pseudo- fairy. Jorgen called him a demon, and because he called him a demon. That’s technically his species name now lol)

But anyway, Tommy and Tammy exist and are still Timmy’s kids  who don’t know their dad is a fairy so it’s like a gravity falls trying to figure out the mystery situation where they’re pretty sure their dad isn’t human but they don’t know what he is 

Also, Cosmo and Wanda are Hazel’s godparents since they’re no longer on suspension at this point 

Poof is probably like in whatever the equivalent of fairy high school is 

[joelalorian]

Tides of Desire - Chapter Nine: Close Quarters

*mood board by the lovely @/janaispunk. divider by the equally lovely @/saradika-graphics

Pairing: Yacht Captain!Joel Miller x f!reader

Series Summary: TLOU no outbreak AU. Joel Miller is a luxury yacht captain running charters in the Caribbean. You join the crew as a deckhand and unexpectedly complicate Joel's peaceful existence. Basically the TLOU bunch on a Below Deck yacht.

Chapter warnings: 18+ MDNI, fluff, stolen kisses, terms of endearment (sweetheart, etc.), outdoor/semi-public sex, unprotected p in v, fingering, oral (m receiving). Smallish age gap (reader is 32 or so, Joel is 40). No use of y/n, though reader is of British descent and has the nickname Brit (occasionally used).

Series masterlist

Chapter Nine: Close Quarters

“She agreed to meet for drinks,” Tommy declared as he entered the crew mess after the charter guests deboarded, his fit body vibrating with excitement. He stole half of the sandwich you just made with a cheeky grin before sliding in next to you at the table.

“Oy!” You slapped his hand too late; he already shoved it in his fat gob. “Bloody fucking menace. Did you annoy her to death, so she agreed just to get you to go away?”

He turned puppy dog eyes on you, so like his brother, and pouted. It must be a Miller family trait to have perfected that look. Sarah was just as good at it, too. “Rude.”

You laughed, bumping his shoulder playfully. He annoyed you like an older sibling, and you got over it just as quickly. “So, Maria is sticking around for a bit? Where are you going to take her?”

Tommy ran a hand through his long, dark hair. “Yeah, she’s staying in San Juan for another few days. I’m thinking Caribar at Caribe Hilton. I need to impress her.”

Your eyes widened. That was an upscale resort with expensive food and drinks. He was going all out for this woman. “Wow. I’m sure she’ll love it.”

His hands suddenly began fidgeting. “I haven’t taken dating seriously in a real long time. And she’s unlike anyone I have dated before. She’s way outta my league. I’m scared shitless,” Tommy admitted. Turning desperate eyes on you, he added, “Would you and Joel come along? Make it a double date kinda thing? I’ll be less nervous that way.”

You weren’t sure it was a great idea, but Tommy looked like a nervous little boy at the thought of going on an actual date without some type of backup. “Are you sure you want us there? It won’t cramp your style?”

“Please? You can leave whenever you want, just be there to help get the conversation flowing until I get comfortable. Or drunk. Whichever happens first, I guess.”

Shrugging, you tilted your chin toward the upper decks. “Let me run it by Joel, I guess. I’m not sure if he’s ready to put our relationship out there like that yet. And going on a double date with you and Maria would definitely put it out there.”

“I already ran it by him – he’s ok with it if you are.”

There went any excuse you could have thought of. If Joel was okay with it, how could you ever say no. You felt giddy at just the thought of going on a double date with him. That one night in the hotel being the closest thing you’ve had to a date in far too long. “That settles it. We’re going on a double date! Just keep it on the down low amongst the crew, yeah?”

“Keep what on the down low?” Sarah chimed in as she entered the crew mess for a snack. Each of you should have been doing work to turnover the boat for the next charter, but it seemed like everyone was feeling a bit peckish.

Tommy glanced at you and winked. “I asked Maria out and she said yes.” Sarah screeched in response, throwing her arms around Tommy. “That’s great! Where are you taking her? Tell me everything!”

You left the two of them to gush over Tommy’s plans and made your way up to the main deck to see what needed done still. The next couple of hours passed in a flash, the washdown keeping you busy. Joel held you back after the tip meeting – the guests left a huge tip after your heroic actions.

“Did Tommy talk to you?” His voice rough like sandpaper on fresh cut wood, causing a delightful chill to wash down your back.

“Mmhmm. You sure you want to do this?”

You held yourself back from reaching for him – it was torture, but you stayed strong. Joel glanced around the main salon confirming that it was empty but for the two of you. His head dipped, closing the distance between you, and placed a chaste kiss on your lips.

“Yes, I’m sure.” A mischievous look flashed in his dark eyes, and he swatted your ass before departing for the bridge, leaving you giggling like a lovesick teen as you made your way below deck. Your phone buzzed in your pocket. Pulling it out, you giggled at the text from Joel.

JM: We’re going on a date!

By the time you showered and readied yourself for a nice evening out, the news of Tommy’s date – and your and Joel’s roles in it – was old news to the rest of the crew. Talia eyed you knowingly, her mysterious and quiet nature made you believe she saw a lot more than she let on. Sarah and Tess teased you, true to form. Jake just looked at you blankly, leaving you wondering if he was jealous.

“Make sure he pays!” Sarah demanded. “Do not take your wallet out under any circumstances.”

She was so adamant that her dad better treat you well that it left you with an aching belly from laughing so hard.

“I’m serious! He’s got it in his head that he’s a feminist and I’m afraid he thinks that means women should pay their own way. DO NOT let him get away with that, not on a Captain’s salary. You hear me?”

Your hands flew up in surrender, eyes wide at her earnest tone. “Understood. He pays. No exceptions.”

Satisfied, Sarah changed the conversation to compliment your choice in attire. You opted for the classiest dress you packed, a form fitting but not indecent black number that you had tucked away in your closet for years. It was definitely your go-to little black dress and it had been severely under-utilized for the past couple of years. You paired the dress with strappy heels – nothing too high, you didn’t want to break an ankle – and your long hair flowed over your shoulders in natural, beachy waves. Your makeup was subtle and classy, just a hint of color on your eyelids and lips to accentuate your tanned skin, a definite benefit of working outside.

“You look gorgeous,” Tess said as you did one last spin for them.

“Yeah, Dad’s gonna stumble all over his words when he sees you,” Sarah added, hugging you.

You blushed, picturing Joel staring at you in adoration, complimenting you with a nervous hitch in his deep, rumbling voice. Damn, arousal already built in your lower belly at just the thought. You were in for a delightfully torturous evening.

“Have I mentioned how beautiful you look tonight?” Joel breathed in your ear as you followed Tommy into the resort. “I’m going to have a hard time keeping my hands off you at the table.”

“Who said you had to?” you teased in return, enjoying the warmth of his hand at your back. “And yes, you have, but please don’t stop. You look sinfully gorgeous tonight as well.”

Joel grinned, dark eyes twinkling behind thick framed glasses, his lush curls artfully falling into place atop his head. Your fingers ached to run through them, twist them around your slim digits. Part of you longed to dash away, get a room, and keep Joel to yourself for the night. But one glance at Tommy’s anxious smile, dark eyes scanning the outdoor tables in search of Maria, and you knew the pair of you would never be able to sneak away.

“Ah, there she is!” Tommy exclaimed, spotting Maria at a table tucked into a corner of the open-air seating area. He surged forward, soft breeze ruffling his long curls. You squeezed Joel’s hand, hanging back to let Tommy greet his date without the pair of you hovering over them.

“I’ve never seen him like this,” Joel’s voice rumbled in your ear. “He must really like her.” Your head bobbed in agreement, turning to smile at him. Your faces were so close, the miniscule distance between you reduced further as Joel tilted his head, capturing your lips in a soft kiss. “Mmm, I really like you.” Joel’s lips pecked yours after every word.

“Come on already, love birds!” Tommy called, waving to you from his seat next to Maria.

“Nice to see you both again,” Maria greeted as you sat, her dark, smooth skin beaming with happiness.

Dinner was lovely, conversation flowing with a natural ease among the four of you. Maria and Tommy were equally enamored with each other and before long you and Joel were left chatting amongst yourselves.

“Want to get outta here?” Joel’s fingertips teased along the hem of your dress, stoking the fire that started building within you hours ago.

“Fuck yeah, I do.” Your chair nearly toppled backwards from the force with which you stood. Joel barely mumbled an excuse to his brother as you dragged him away, waving at Maria and Tommy over your shoulder.

A visceral need for him churned in your belly, skin buzzing as he dragged you around a few corners, backing you against a shadowed section of wall hidden from passersby and windows. Joel’s mouth was on you instantly, teeth nipping at your lips and scraping at your neck as he tasted your skin.

“Joel.” You drew his name out in a long, low moan as his fingers slid beneath the hem of your sundress and dipped past your panties. You were throbbing, wet and waiting for his expert touch. It had been too long since the last time you were together like this, the night at the hotel feeling like a distant memory.

“Sweetheart, all this for me?” His fingers left you briefly, bringing them up to his eyeline. Joel stared at the glaze on them, before slipping them into his mouth to suck at the irrefutable evidence of your arousal. “Fucking Christ, you taste good. Like nectar from a god damn peach.”

Joel made quick work of removing your panties, shoving the strip of fabric in his pocket as his lips met yours. A gasp left your lungs when his fingers sank knuckle deep inside you, his thumb teasing at your clit. The bundle of nerves already over sensitized, Joel made you come within minutes, his mouth swallowing your moans and whines.

“That’s it, sweetheart. Coming on my damn fingers already. So sexy.” Joel’s voice, rough with arousal, talked you through it, lips still touching yours as you breathed the same breaths. His free hand worked at his pants, setting his hardened cock free from its confines. “Need you, sweetheart. Now.”

“Oh, fuck.” Knees already weak from your orgasm, you hiked one leg up around his hip while he supported you, grasping your ass to hike you further up. Joel slipped inside, stretching your warm, wet walls with the sheer size of him. “Joel, love, you feel so good.”

Part of you couldn’t believe you were letting Joel fuck you against a wall in public. It was something you’d never done before – you were adventurous, sure, but not that adventurous. The other part of you didn’t give a shit. You were with Joel, the hard press of his body moving against yours bringing you both immense pleasure, and that was all that mattered.

Hands buried in those lush curls, you keened. “Faster, please.” Already on edge, you needed as much of Joel as you could get. “I’m so close.” His hips lurched in response, snapping faster, harder as his mouth latched onto the skin at the base where your shoulder met your neck. The sharp nip of his teeth followed by the gentle swipe of his tongue soothing the spot sent you over the edge. “Fuck, Joel!”

“Shhh,” he hushed you, fucking you through the height of your orgasm as your walls choked his cock. His thrusts became erratic, muscles flexing as he lost control. Your name flowed beautifully from his lip while his cum painted your walls. You stayed connected, chests heaving, and concrete wall cool against the heated skin of your back, as you both came down from the heights of ecstasy for several minutes.

“That was…”

“Yeah…”

There were no words.

The breeze shifted, carrying a slight chill in the night air, and you finally separated to right yourselves. Holding your hand out for your panties once Joel tucked himself away, you laughed when he just patted his pocket with a shake of his head. “Nah, I’m keepin’ ‘em.”

“Naughty,” you teased, grasping his hand as you walked.

The yacht was lit up when you made it back, the rest of the crew on the sundeck, dancing and carrying on. Laughter and buzzed conversations carried through the air as you and Joel quietly boarded without anyone seeing you. You knew you should join them on deck, but your heart ached to stay near Joel as long as you could. Joel seemed to feel the same.

Hand in his, you followed him through the interior to the bridge, brows shooting up when Joel merely nodded to Frank and dragged you around the corner to his quarters. You could hardly meet Frank’s knowing gaze as you passed.

“Joel, what –”

He silenced you with a finger against your lips, still puffy from the shared moments against the wall. “I’m not ready to let you go,” he murmured, shutting the door behind you. Large hands deftly removed your dress and bra, tossing them aside before slipping a fresh tee shirt over your head. “You’re staying here tonight, okay?”

Eyes widened comically, you merely nodded as Joel stripped down to his boxer briefs and pulled you into bed with him. You expected him to lead you somewhere quiet and private, but certainly not as private as his quarters. Settled beneath the soft sheet next to him, nothing in your life ever felt as right as laying there in Joel’s arms, his lips pressing tender kisses to your forehead. You only hoped he didn’t come to regret it in the morning.

The sky beyond the porthole was still dark, the first hints of dawn not yet peeking through when Joel drifted into wakefulness, your warm body tangled with his. Nose buried in your hair, he breathed in your scent, one hand caressing the soft, supple skin of your hips while the other cradled your head. He could not recall ever feeling such contentment, his heart fit to burst with emotions.

Joel’s hands continued wandering as he became lost in thought, imagining more moments like this with you. He could not wait to further explore things with you during the off season. You came in and set his life upside down in the best way possible when he least expected it. Falling in love did not come easy to Joel, but with you, it was effortless. He was falling whether he wanted to or not, it was inevitable and unstoppable.

You stirred beneath his touch when his hand dipped between your thighs, thick fingers teasing at your slit, already wet and ready for him. The sleepy moans you let out as he rubbed your clit hit his ears like a symphony. Joel continued fingering you until you were fully awake, clutching at him as he drew an orgasm from you.

“Joel,” you breathed his name into the dark room, mouth pressed to his neck, tasting the saltiness of his skin. “What’s gotten into you?” His hands were everywhere, mapping your body, committing it to memory.

“You.”

Mind still foggy with a mix of pleasure and sleep, you stared at him, perplexed. “What?”

“You. You’re what’s gotten into me,” he replied with a soft chuckle, pulling you impossibly closer. “You wriggled your way into my life, beneath my skin, into my heart. Now you’re in my bed. Of course, I’m going to take advantage of that.” You were looking at him with such softness in your eyes, he knew you felt the same.

Your hands wandered as he spoke, body still buzzing from the aftereffects of your orgasm, and finally wrapped around his rapidly hardening cock. “Yes, taking advantage of that sounds like a good plan.”

Joel laid back, letting you take control, your touch setting him ablaze. Shuffling down toward the foot of the bed, you took him in your mouth, and he whined at the wet warmth encasing him. He couldn’t take his eyes off you as you worked him, taking as much of him as you could until his tip hit the back of your throat, tongue working along the bottom of his shaft and swirling around the head. He wouldn’t last long like that, hands grasping your arms to gently pull you up.

“Why’d you stop me? I was enjoying myself,” you sassed, climbing up Joel’s broad form, thighs settling on either side of his hips.

“So was I, but I didn’t want to blow my load so quick. You’re too good at that, beautiful girl.” You were painfully gorgeous in the pre-dawn light, the glow of your skin ethereal in the moonlight. He kissed you, tongue licking into your mouth to tangle with yours as you wriggled your hips until the broad head of his cock was perfectly notched to slip inside you.

You sank down on him, moaning into the kiss as you began to ride him with a slow rocking of your hips. Unlike last night, where the pair of you worked each other hard and fast from the overwhelming need of the moment, every movement this morning was lazy and loving, a slow build of pleasure until you came with a gasp, Joel exploding inside you shortly after.

Words were on the tip of his tongue as you clung to each other afterwards, drowsy and sated, but Joel swallowed them. Too soon, he reminded himself.

Sleep pulled you both back under for a couple hours until all hell broke loose.

tbc