#i had to deep fry my style like never before

[rucow]

i drew the slipknot cutie 😊

[sorcerous-caress]

Okay as great as crybaby!tav is we really glossed over the potential of mommy!Tav. I may be a smidge bias because that’s a lot like my tav, as she’s so damn determined to take care of her friends and was a baker before she was an adventurer so she’s constantly just doting on the companions offering them pastries. It’s a little self indulgent but My Tav has a little quirk that she grew up food insecure and just absolutely refuses to eat until she knows everyone else has eaten because she can’t bear the thought of any of her friends potentially going hungry. She’s normally very submissive and sweetly to all of them but no amount of begging, discipline or concern will break her because she just cares so damn much. Could you write the dom mom squad™️ reacting too something like that, who tries to comfort them? Who is incensed that she doesn’t believe they can provide? Who gets so hung up on the fact she’s being stubborn they forget the original issue?

A submissive mommy who can cook and give good hugs will literally fix 90% of the gang here, unironiclly.

Reacting to a very motherly Reader

[Bg3 women, fluff, dom mommies, afab!reader, fem pronouns, sub!reader ]

Karlach would relish in your dotting.

During her life in the hells, she was both touch starved and food starved for so long. You being there to encourage her with the pep talks, headpats, and occasional pie is everything she has ever dreamed of and more.

As much as she wants to be the one to take care of you, she can't help but let relish in you fussing over her. The coddling, the comfort, and the constant attention are slowly frying her brain from how happy she is.

Did she die and go to heaven?

She becomes very protective of you, never lets you carry heavy stuff, and always asks if you need her to bring you ingredients or something during her errand runs. No, no, you don't have to tire your pretty little legs. Just stay in camp all sweet and pretty while she goes out and brings you everything you need.

If you didn't know any better, you'd think she's subconsciously treating you like her stay at home wife.

She really likes hovering around while you cook, watching you work attentively and sometimes begging for a sample taste with her puppy eyes.

And yes you being the one feeding her those samples is very important, it enhances the taste a lot.

It might take her a while to notice the fact that you were always the last one to eat. Or how you immediately offered your plate if someone else wanted seconds.

She thinks it's very sweet at first but slowly grows more and more concerned at your well-being.

I mean, if she had to, she would sit on your lap to prevent you from getting up as she hands you a plate of food. Your stern talk will just make her feel guilty and sad but she'd refuse to let you get up.

As much as she loves nothing more than to obey her mommy, sometimes she also needs to take care of her mommy like she takes care of her.

Minthara would admire your ways.

Tenderness and love were never words that anyone in her culture used to describe a mother, an ilhar. No, they tend to fall more on the brutal and disciplinary side.

An ilhar meant authority, control, and order. To defy her is to commit a sin. To show weakness in front of her is even worse.

She is reminded by that cultural difference whenever someone describes you as motherly.

The only thing you had in common with the matrons of the underdark was that underlying strength. That unbreakable will hidden so deep inside you, the urge to survive at any cost and defend your subordinates. She admired it greatly.

You were very strong deep down, strong to be truly worthy of the description of motherly. That kind of strength that the males will never understand, the kind of strength that nurtured even more strength.

So when a person like you showered her in hugs, kisses, and even brushed and styled her hair for her from time to time, how could she ever be ungrateful and say no?

You were generous and kind even when you had no need to be, you were selfless to a concerning degree.

She had to put a stop to that.

Minthara respects you too much to use any of the punishments or disciplinary ways that her matrons taught her. She will talk to you like an equal because that's what she sees you as.

She will be very patient with you. Stopping you when your self sacrifices become too much for your health to bear, Reminding you that you also require as much food and rest as the rest of them.

She'll teach you to relay on her slowly, as gentle as she possibly can be. Which...isn't very gentle, honestly, but she is genuinely trying her best.

Jaheira feels like you complete her.

As an actual mother to so many children, Jaheira still never truly grasped the whole motherly vibe people keep preaching about. Her kids are safe, fed, cleaned, and trained in combat. Isn't that enough?

So what it if she was absent on missions a lot, need I remind you that her line of work concers the safety of the whole world? What kind of mother would she be if she let the whole world, which included her kids, end just because she picked to stay at home and colour with her youngest.

She knows it doesn't excuse it. Give her a break. She is at the end of her age and hasn't had someone by her side since in a long while.

That's why when you suddenly appear in her life with all of the qualities she was severely lacking in, she almost thinks it's too good to be true.

...you almost remind her of a certain someone she lost long ago. You're just as soft and caring to others. Ironically enough people also underestimate a lot because of your kindness too.

She is drawn to you, like a moth to a flame.

Jaheira can't help it. You shine with radiance, and she hasn't felt warmth in so long.

The first few days she brings her kids home-cooked meals, they immediately hold a knife to her throat as they demand this doppelganger tell them where their real mother is.

But after some very awkward conversations, and having to bring you into her house as actual proof. They realised that their mother's stone heart can still beat after all apparently.

Shadowheart tries to play it cool, fails.

She has an edgy mysterious aura she needs to keep, and you're making it very hard for her. How is she supposed to be this dark, cool cleric of Shar when you keep gifting her these hand-knitted pastel sweaters with the most loving look in your eyes.

Of course she will wear them, she isn't heartless.

She's really trying not to show how touched she is when you look for her during dinner at camp to make sure she got her plate. She can't help the blush on her ears when you wipe some food from the corner of her mouth.

She's mean to people on your behalf when they're rude to you or try to take advantage of your submissiveness. Actually she is just mean to people in general if she doesn't like the way they look at you.

Loves taking naps on your lap, absolutely adores when you play with her hair or braid it. Your thighs are the perfect pillows for her to rest her head on and just forget about the outside world and her mission for a while.

She saves the best wine she finds to share it with you later, or the best sweets or fancy jucies if you don't drink. She had to defend her stash from both Gale and Wyll wandering hands, absolutely refusing all of their offers or begging for some of that fancy cheese or that perfectly aged wine bottle.

You're the only person she ever shares it with. She doesn't even want anything in return. She just loves seeing you happy and relaxed every once in a while. You always take care of them, so it's about time that someone takes care of you too.

Laezel has killed people for disrespecting you.

And she'll do it fucking again. These worms forgot their place. She doesn't even care how little their offence is, just efficiently ending their miserable life.

Why do you have a look of disappointment on your face? She did them a favour. She even made it painless and quick to compromise for your feelings.

Chk. Your softness will be the end of you. Be grateful that she is here to prevent that from ever happening.

You threaten not to take her with you on errand runs anymore if she doesn't put her sword away? You really think you can survive without her?

...okay yeah actually you can. You make a really valid point.

If it was anyone else she'd have taken that request as an insult on her honor, but since it's you...

Fine. She will listen for now.

And maybe if you keep making more of those faerun dishes, she will find it easier to listen to you. Especially the apple pie ones.

[snoopledrooplecheesedoodle]

Can I request something for yandere merman Kakyoin? :>

My idea is he not actually a merman but a sea witch with octopus body, just like Ursula in My little mermaid. He use his potion to turn into a merman to attract his darling because he know their darling will be afraid of his real form. He want to capture darling to be his mate forever.

Well that's my idea, feel free to be creative with the plot :D thank you so much

Never thought our boy who looks like Ariel was Ursula the whole time... now that I think about it Hierophant Green works perfectly with this. Kakyoin is a mimic octopus which allows him to change his skin and body to look like other things, which combined with magic you really don't stand a chance. This is from Kakyoin's perspective mostly. Reader is gender neutral but more feminine presenting because who doesn't love a pretty enby. I also do masc and andro too but why not mix it up. If you want a particular gender don't be afraid to ask!

Merrow=Nonbinary mermaid

Reel You In

You were perfect...

Bright (e/c) eyes, wide smile on your plush lips, shiny (h/c) hair

A true gem, a real pearl if you will

His treasure

His pretty little merrow

How did he mean you in all your divinity?

Kakyoin was taking stock of his ingredients, after all his magic still required special herbs and items of the deep. His green and white striped tentacles filtered through the vials and drawers. He was low on whale fat and Leviathan scales. Kakyoin sighed it would take him ages to find these rare ingredients. Leviathans aren't usually fond of getting rid of their scales. He'll have to scour the specialty market for these ingredients. The unfortunate thing is it only opens when the ocean is darkest. He gathered his cloak off the large mer skeleton it was hanging off of. He put on his cloak and swam into the darkness.

The market was full of sketchy characters per usual, nobody good came to the Night Market unless they were desperate. It was swarming with thieves, witches, and the usual assortment of outcasts and criminals' merfolk told stories of to make their fry behave. Of course, he was one of them so there was no room to complain. He was browsing the stalls when a heavy force knocked into him. His amethyst eyes filled with annoyance, someone was already trying to rob him, and he just got here. He snatched his satchel back and glared at the offender who apologized?

"I'm so sorry sir, I wasn't watching where I was swimming. Did you lose anything from your bag?" Intriguing. Looking at the figure in front on him he could tell they didn't belong. (h/l) (h/c) styled with a pretty white ribbon (if bald or hijab its tied around your neck). Wide (e/c) orbs full of innocence he'd not seen in a while (your innocent compared to him bro). You were very attractive in his eyes as it's not often to see someone be so decent in his line of work.

"Sir? Sir? Oh no did I hit you too hard?!" The merrow's worried voice broke him out of his thoughts. "Oh, no I'm fine no harm has been done. Mx. ..." You laughed which was a genuine laugh, not one full of malice, just pure joy. Kakyoin wishes he could capture that laugh and put it in a jar. "(Y/N) my name is (Y/N)." Oh, they were so trusting, the naive little thing. "Kakyoin, but you may call me Noriyaki." (Y/N) grinned at this and swished their shiny tail back and forth. "Okay Noriyaki it's so very nice to meet you! Oh no I need to go before the market closes! See you, Nori!" The cheerful merrow swam off leaving Kakyoin paralyzed in awe. Suddenly, finding those materials didn't seem so interesting.

Kakyoin hadn't slept well in a while, thoughts of a special little merrow kept him awake. Your beautiful face invaded his dreams, your laugh haunted his every waking moment, your coquettish smile taunted him so. Oh, you had no idea how much you drove him crazy! He had been neglecting his work to watch you from his seer glass. You were even more irresistible in your day-to-day life.

You were coming back from shopping eagerly talking to yourself about the new tops you bought when you bumped into a cecaelia. You were rather clumsy, weren't you? Now you would apologize profusely and offer this merfolk your aid. What shocked Kakyoin was when you froze at the sight of the person before you and swam away in a panic. How unusual of sweet little you. What could cause such a reaction? He hadn't seen you act so rashly even with the most intimidating fish folk but this ceacaelia made you swim away with fear he has never seen before. Does it mean?

No

NO.

You were afraid of cecaelia.

You were afraid of him.

Kakyoin's fantasy of finding you again and courting you was ruined, all because you were afraid of cecaelia. He was spiraling fast. He smashed bottles and flipped his cauldron over in a fit of rage. He never hated having tentacles in his life but now he wanted to rip them all off. His blue blood leaking from his hands reminding him of his physical imperfection. If only he was born a merman like you... then I idea struck him.

Maybe reaching you wasn't impossible.

Pain, throbbing pain was all Kakyoin felt. His tentacles felt like they were ripped clean off, but it was worth it for the emerald and silver fish tail he had now. Kakyoin was stumbling around like a guppy trying to get used to their fins for the first time. It was taking some practice, but he was getting used to it. Soon he'd be perfect. Perfect for you. Once he's reeled you in, he'd show the real him, but by then

You can't escape

Kakyoin was positively giddy with all the feelings of love he felt for you. All he needed to do was find his beloved but make it seem like a coincidence. After all, you were naive but a bit skittish. All the more reason to keep you safe from dangerous creatures of the ocean and take a delicate approach to get to you. After observing you for so long he knew where you liked to go and when. By now you would be gathering human trinkets at the abandoned ship you frequently explored. He couldn't care less about humans and their dirty little tools, but you loved them so and he loved you. He received a particularly shiny trinket from a recent customer (victim), a shining bejeweled brooch. Something irresistible for a little merrow such as yourself. Kakyoin could practically see the big sparkling eyes you would make at such a priceless treasure.

Kakyoin swam over to a lopsided piece of wood to hide behind and think of how to approach you organically. Muttering to himself plan after plan unaware of the curious merrow eyeing the distressed merman. Kakyoin felt a tentative tap on the shoulder. He flushed as he made eye contact with his darling, who smiled so brightly at him. They were so beautiful when they smiled so sweetly at him. "Did you need help-oh you're that guy from the market um... Norisaki?" You remembered him... sort of. What a wonderful thing!

"Noriyaki, I'm surprised you remembered me." Kakyoin chuckled to himself. You smiled at him before blushing slightly. "It's kind of hard not to since our meeting was so embarrassing." You were the type to allow embarrassing moments to dwell in your head long after they occurred. It was quite cute. "It's quite alright neither of us were truly harmed. Are you usually so hard on yourself?" Your flushed face grew even more red with the last sentence. "Um...I hold my silence?" Kakyoin laughed at your meek response.

"That's quite alright... you know between you and me I happen to come to this sunken ship for human treasures." At the words "human treasures" your eyes lit up like bioluminescent phytoplankton at the thought of finding a kindred spirit. "I didn't know other merfolk liked human things, most of my friends call their things garbage." You looked down sadly as you finished your sentence, tracing the water rotted wooden beam in your hand. Kakyoin placed a hand of yours and stared at you with his mesmerizing purple eyes. "Some people don't understand something's value if it isn't immediately obvious." Kakyoin pulls out the glimmering brooch that shone in the filtered light of the ocean, bringing out the (e/c) of your eyes.

"It's absolutely beautiful." You marveled at the brilliant emeralds and rubies that made up the serpent pendent. In all your trips here, you had never found something so opulent before. Only thing close was a rusty spoon. Kakyoin noticed your eagerness with a tender smile. "You can have it if you want." You looked curiously at the merman seeing if he was being serious. "I'm not going to bite you; you can take it." Kakyoin smiled as the merrow hesitantly took the brooch from his outstretched hand. Yes, everything was going to plan, he imbued that brooch with magic so he could track where you go. Like the serpent in mythology, Kakyoin was not to be trusted.

"Thank you so much Nori!"

"You're welcome, my darling."

His plan was working smoothly as you were practically eating anything he told you straight from his palm. You were so sweet and trusting, it made his heart melt from fervent worship. He adored you more than anyone ever could, that alone should make him worthy of you. However, his fish disguise wore off after 48 hours and he'd be put through hell again to bring back the illusion. It wasn't the slightest bit healthy to keep this act up, but it would be all worth it in the end. When he had you safely in his arms.

His precious little mate

He'd find a way for you to have children, through magic or adoption. That way when you accept him you would be fully bound to each other. Forever. A blue flush covers his faces as he giggles to himself, oh you two would have so many wonderful years together! Just you and him and no one else.

Of course, there were a few road bumps Kakyoin needed to face first.

Your friends were skeptical of his intentions towards you as he looked familiar to a certain sea witch who was known for taking advantage of the poor souls who came to him out of sheer desperation. He couldn't let them continue to poison your mind with their deceitful words (where's the lie tho?). His amethyst eyes glinted with sadistic glee as one by one your friends were placed under his thumb as they came to him for help for problems he caused.

Poor darling, you had no idea why all your friends suddenly disappeared without a trace. The towns people became suspicious of you, thinking you were the reason all these merfolk disappeared. You were ripe with insecurity for Kakyoin to harvest. You fit perfectly in his arms as you sobbed about how life seemed to dole out more that your fair share of problems. "Kakyoin I don't know what I've done to deserve this, do you think my friends hate me?"

Hate you? No one could be capable of hating you, and the wretches who do will be swiftly dealt with. "They aren't worth your tears; good friends wouldn't disappear without telling you. Besides I'm here with you, aren't I?" You gave him that adorable grin that he loved so much. "You're right I have you."

Kakyoin was positively giddy as he swam around his lair, cleaning as best as he could. He convinced you to seek out the guidance of the Emerald Sea Witch, and you took it like the naive, trusting little thing you were. He couldn't wait to show you his real form and seal your souls together via contract. Humming a hypnotic tune to himself and swaying his tentacles sensually, he heard a sweet little frightened voice call out. "Hello, I'm looking for the Emerald Sea Witch."

Kakyoin swam to the darkest corner of his shadowy lair and grinned to himself. His hard work was paying off. Now to reel you in. "You've come to the right place little merrow." He purred sweetly to you. You looked confused as you heard the familiar voice, why did the witch sound like your friend. "My friend told me you might know about the recent disappearances of the merfolk."

He couldn't hold back his chuckle, he had to restrain himself from holding you in his tentacles and peppering you with kisses. You were just too precious. "You'll have to be more specific darling; merfolk are always going missing." You back into the merskeleton where he hangs his cloaks, causing you to squeak with fright. He should have put that away. You were trembling with fear, yet you balled your shaky fists with resolve. Turning to the direction Kakyoin was lounging you spoke shakily. "The merfolk who went missing were my friends, I would like to know if they are alive." The last part made your voice crack with sadness. Seeing you waste your tears on such scum made his cheeks color with rage.

Patience

Kakyoin steadied himself and spoke once more.

"I'll make a deal with you little merrow, I'll find your friends and even let you see them..." Your eyes lit up with glee before turning a bit skeptical. "What do you want in return?" Kakyoin smiled widely in the dark, just a little bit more and you'll be in his tentacles. "I want you to give me rare treasure." The treasure he was referring to was you, but he knew that you would foolishly think the pendant would suffice.

"Deal."

"Excellent, just sign here." Kakyoin snapped his fingers and a golden contract appeared in front of you. If you were smarter, you would notice the fine print entailing that the treasure in question, was your soul bound to his for eternity. You took the quill without hesitation and signed your name on the dotted line.

He did it!

You were his!

"Now where are my friends?" Kakyoin rolled a single vial to you, inside were the trapped souls of your friends crying for you to help them. You gasped in terror and attempted to flee. Two tentacles wrapped around your waist and pulled you towards him. "Not so fast my dear you haven't finished your end of the deal; I want my rare treasure."

You sobbed in terror at the appendages you hated your entire life, octopus were your kind's natural predator. "Take it, just let me go." You grabbed the broach out of your worn satchel and threw it in the witch's direction. "I thought you'd be smarter than that (Y/N)." It clicked as to who was the sea witch. "No." You wanted to curl up into a ball as Kakyoin laughed at the misery in your voice. "Now (Y/N) is that anyway to speak to an old friend."

Kakyoin stepped into the glowing light the cauldron produced making you cry out in fear, anger, and betrayal. "You're not my friend, you lied to me!" You pulled further a the grasp of the tentacles attempting to escape the red head, but he pulled you closer and nuzzled his face into your neck. "I know that I have been a bit dishonest with my method of courting you, but I promise to be more honest in the future." "People will come looking for me and you'll be sorry then!" Kakyoin looked you in your frightened (e/c) eyes and frowned. He then plucked the white ribbon from your hair and sent a magical current towards the town.

"No one will look for you if they think your dead my treasure." Kakyoin cooed gently. "Now then lets finish this courting process, I want us to officially become mates." This statement caused more sobbing from your end as a silver collar appeared around your neck.

"Why?" Was all you could muster. Kakyoin swayed hypnotically with you in his arms. "How couldn't I when you reeled me in."

Sorry if the ending sucked I just wanted to make room for new requests and start working more on my reincarnated sins posts and a cult village story with my own yandere ocs. I hope you enjoyed

[goldenfreddys]

september '04, cont.— a little identity never hurt nobody!

Jeremy’s cellphone was ringing in his pocket— a sort of tense, shrill melody he chose from a long menu of ringtone options because ‘tense’ and ‘shrill’ is how calls felt when they weren’t from his mom. It just felt right.

It was daytime, but the pizzeria was oddly empty. The band was lined up neat and still on the show stage.

He pressed the answer button and mumbled out a ‘hello?’

For a moment, there was nothing. In the static, Jeremy heard what could’ve been a sniffle. The rustle of fabric, a quiet whimper.

Finally, a small boy on the other end of the line asked, “... Is- is Mike there?”

“I don’t… think so. Whats wrong, bud?”

“I’m scared. It’s dark a-and I wanna go home, now.”

“Where are you? Do- um, do you know where you are?”

The kid let out a muffled sob. Jeremy started walking towards the office, glancing in the party rooms as he went. The walls were covered in construction paper portraits of a pale, round head with wide eyes and thick bars of faded blue tears streaming off to the bottom of the page.

“I guess not. That’s okay… Can you tell me who you are, big guy?”

The child’s voice wobbled, “My- my name…”

Suddenly, the call dropped. Quick, rhythmic beeps erupted from the speaker to reassure him it had been disconnected.

In the office, the old landline’s handset had been left hanging off the edge of the desk. It swung like a body from the gallows.

Sometimes, Jeremy would fight to escape the spider’s web of sleep. He’d think, I really need to get up, now and then sooner or later it would happen. Today, he didn’t feel any particular urge to wake up. He spent a long time edging in and out of consciousness- someone was humming and frying up bacon across the room. He nestled further into the couch to escape the growing light and pulled his thin blanket higher around his shoulders.

“Morning, babydoll. I made coffee.”

Jeremy opened his eyes cautiously. That wasn’t right. He was nobody’s baby, let alone someone’s babydoll.

He heard two people kissing some distance away and untensed. They seemed to be really going at it.

“And breakfast.”

The other person responded in a deep, warm voice, “Now that’s just suspicious. What did you do?”

The first man let out a prolonged, flabbergasted series of sounds expressing disbelief, shock and offence.

“Do I need to I re-open the nightguard posting?”

“No, no- believe it or not, he’s alive! Hey, just look and see for yourself!”

It was Mike, he realized. Jeremy remained perfectly still, even holding his breath for a moment.

“You brought this poor baby angel’s dead body into our beautiful house-”

“He’s sleeping.”

“See, you said that about Elizabeth's hamster, too.”

Mike leaned closer, “You’re sleeping, right?”

“Fuck off,” Jeremy responded.

The gig was up. Now he had to figure out what Mike wanted, and why he felt it was important enough to warrant kidnapping his coworker. Jeremy sat up and rubbed his eyes.

“I just need to figure out what’s going on, okay? What’s your relationship to ‘Dave Miller’?” Mike made exaggerated air-quotes around the name.

“... Who? The- the doctor?”

Jeremy looked around the living room. He was still in his work clothes, and his shoes were on the floor by the couch. Faintly remembering the night before, he realized he didn’t have his wallet, keys or cellphone. Shit.

“Mikey, he’s obviously not in cahoots. Look at him.” The other person–Eugene, he recalled–crossed his arms doubtfully.

Again, the two started bickering like he wasn’t there. Jeremy raised his hand, as though flagging the attention of a teacher halfway through class.

“What is it, sweetie?”

“Can I use the bathroom?”

Eugene motioned to the hall, “Last door on the right.”

“Thanks.”

As Jeremy washed his hands, he studied the space around the bathroom sink. At one edge of the counter, some various amenities were neatly organized in a bin- shaving cream, toothpaste, styling combs and cologne. At the other, there was a can of aerosolized body spray titled Tropical Breeze with some crusty build up around the nozzle.

He dried his hands. The room was tastefully decorated, though currently disheveled— an interior designer had clearly been involved. He glanced at the closed door. 

Nadia had a bad habit of idly snooping through drawers and cupboards; she liked knowing where things were, she said, “like, what if there was an emergency and we needed a flathead screwdriver, but didn't know where to find one?” spoken with unfettered confidence that an emergency that required a flathead screwdriver was tangible and imminent.

Jeremy nodded in agreement with the recollection of his best friend he pictured in his mind, then opened a cabinet above the sink. It had pills, gauze and various medical instruments. He leaned in to get a closer look. There were a couple over-the-counter painkillers, viagra, pepto bismol and petroleum jelly. Wrapped in a clear cellophane package labeled STERILE was what looked to be a thin, threaded hook. His brow furrowed a bit as he mulled over the intended application of the hook. Clearly not fishing, because the curve was too slight– and with fishing out of the equation, his relevant wisdom had run dry.

It was either medical or sexual, he figured. Maybe both.

Satisfied with his findings, Jeremy closed the cabinet and wandered back to the living room.

“Then who died?!” Mike asked in a tone that was either pissed off or distraught.

“Secret triplet?” Eugene offered.

“No!”

“It's not more unlikely.”

Jeremy grimaced, “Can y'all take this from the top for me?”

Mike sat down at the table and buried his face in his hands. Jeremy looked to Eugene, then back at Mike as he waited for a response.

After a pause long enough to make one doubt if he would continue at all, Mike said, “You're Sammy Emily.”

“Sammy Fitzgerald.” He corrected, pointedly, “... But I haven't gone by that since I was little.”

“Sammy died.”

“Sammy moved to Vermont, actually. Similar, sure, but not totally the same. Again, you're thinking of my sister.”

“Well, clearly not-”

“Unless there's another one!” Eugene interjected, triumphantly.

Jeremy pressed his lips together and stared at the floor. The topic sort of stung on a good day, and that morning had been shaping up to be the worst day in months. Frustration buzzed through him, nerve endings like frayed livewires in a damp, mildew filled supply closet. It was a miserable anger with nowhere to go.

“Are you good, hon?”

“I want my fucking mom. Or to go home and sleep… I want Nads to key your stupid mustang, too. And a smoke,” he mumbled.

“That's completely fair! Mike, fetch him a siga.” Eugene snapped his fingers for emphasis, “That's Yoruban for fag, which is British for…”

Mike groaned and waved him off before digging around in the pockets of a leather jacket hanging by the door.

He held out a battered carton of cigarettes to Jeremy, then jerked them out of reach with a stern glare, “... But if you touch my car, I'm gonna end up on the news.”

[fuckkbrunch]

One that I've been waiting for! I didn't want to have to buy a whole huge bag of gochugaru just for this recipe, since I only needed a few tablespoons, so my Korean coworker hooked me up once again.

I butchered my own chickens, so this took longer than intended. It's supposed to be only legs (thigh and drum) but I added in the wings as well. Added a pound to my recipe, but the marinade looked like more than enough.

Chili oil, salt and gochugaru marinade for an hour. I think it should marinate longer, but I followed the rules. I didn't photograph the tapioca dredging, for obvious reasons. But it took me a while. I could fry four pieces at a time, so this took me at least an hour. I may have double dredged them out of boredom while I was waiting for all the frying.

All blanched. I wasn't the best at monitoring my oil temp, so a few of them were a bit heavy on the blanching. I wish I had a reliable deep fryer. I really do.

All wrapped up and ready to freeze. Don't do what I did. If you put paper towel on the pan, it will freeze to the chicken skin and rip. It's easy enough to remove, but avoid the issue entirely and use just parchment or foil to line the pans. Recipe says to freeze for 8 hours or overnight, but I waited a few days.

Warning! These radishes take a day and a half to make! I didn't read the whole recipe before planning my shit, so this didn't make it as the side dish the first time I made the chicken.

Very proud of my diced daikon here, if I do say so myself. Soak this in vinegar sugar salt water on the counter for twelve hours, then in the fridge for a day.

Now make the sauce. I think it's supposed to be yangyeom sauce, but it's not quite right. Very gochujang heavy. Tasty though.

Brush on the sauce and bam. Very labour intensive chicken. But very, very good chicken. Worth it. It was sooo crispy and perfectly salty. Can't say I noticed the chili oil marinade much though.

Had it for dinner again a few days later, so that we could try the radishes in context. Sauce on the side purely for cleaner hands. The radishes were unappealing on their own, but they do cut the salt and fat from the chicken nicely. A good pair, but I wouldn't eat the radishes on their own.

| Korean Fried Chicken & Korean-Style Radish Pickles |

Taste is a 4.5 out of 5. Could be perfect with a little tweaking, but still so good. So good.

Difficulty is a 4 out of 5. Labour intensive. You must be comfortable deep frying at home, you'll be doing quite a bit of it

Time was uhh, a few hours over two days.

You need to plan this, spend a weekend setting it up. You really see why Korean chicken is so pricey, but the work is so worth it. Make a double batch and keep it in your freezer as a back up meal. I bet reheating it in an air fryer would be good too. Never used one, but I hear they're good at this shit. Will definitely be making this again.

[killian-whump]

I had a dream that Colin was working on a super secret project and only ever posted ONE behind-the-scenes photo of himself from the project - a picture of him just chilling in this ridiculously ornate pool. But then we heard nothing more about the project and he never said what it was.

Then I was watching this just-released Alice in Wonderland themed horror movie and I recognized the pool from Colin’s picture when the main characters went into some underground grotto and I was like “OH MY GOD, IT’S HAPPENING, SOMETHING’S HAPPENING, COLIN’S GONNA BE IN HERE SOMEWHERE!!”

And then this awesome river demon rose up out of the water and I was like, “Colin?!” Like, this dude was 100% badass and evil and clearly the big bad villain of the movie and I was like, “Are you Colin?!” because he didn’t LOOK like Colin, but then he kinda didn’t look like anybody human, cos his costume was totally badass and demonic and stuff.

Then he spoke, and it was this deep rumbly voice, but I could totally hear Colin in there. And I was like, “Colin!! It’s Colin!! OH MY GOD, I LOVE HIM!!” And I was like flailing around and cheering and so happy and the people watching the movie with me were like, “WTF, I don’t think you’re supposed to like this guy... What is wrong with you?” and meanwhile I’m, like, two seconds from starting a fan club for this river demon whose name I don’t even know yet and I’m like - *looks up in confusion, suddenly wearing a ridiculous DisneyBound style fangirl outfit devoted to this character that appeared 3 hot seconds ago on the screen* “Wha...? No, I love him!”

And that’s how I became known as the crazy girl who simps for a demonic river god character that everyone else had unanimously declared the Worst Guy Ever. And everyone else in the dream kept trying to convince me not to like this character and I was just like, “Nah, can’t help it, it’s Colin. I love him.”

“But he’s evil!” “I know! Colin must’ve loved playing him!” 🤗

“But he eats people!” “Yeah, but he’s so good at it!” 🤗

And then at some point we were IN the movie. So...

“But he’s trying to eat you!” “Colin would never hurt anybody for real!” 🤗

Then Megan McCarthy (commonly known as Melissa McCarthy, but apparently also known as Megan McCarthy in my dream world) showed up out of nowhere like, “Look. This is getting really ridiculous now. You’re about to get eaten by the most horrible river demon in the world and you’re going to your death like a schoolgirl on a field trip to a candy factory.”

“Cos it’s Colin!”

“It’s not Colin.”

“I don’t believe you! I know it’s Colin!”

“No, listen,” Megan told me. “I’m the one playing the river demon.”

“Not gonna believe you. I saw the behind-the-scenes photo of Colin on THIS set.”

Megan sighed. “Okay, look, Colin was only here on set because he was bringing me lunch.”

“Why would Colin be bringing you lunch?!”

And she went, “Well, he’s my boyfriend.”

Before I even had a chance to question this, the entire dream STOPPED like one of those record scratch moments and Colin poked his head in and went, “I’m married, Megan McCarthy.” Full name and everything. Serious business.

Megan didn’t miss a beat, though. “You can’t be my boyfriend if you’re married, Colin. That shit’s not cool.”

“I was never your boyfriend,” Colin said, but he was already being drowned out by Megan dramatically breaking up with him in front of everyone because he’s married and she didn’t know... and Colin was just like

And he finally went, “Are you done?”

And Megan was like, “Yeah. Yeah, I think I’m done now. Sorry, Col.” Then she turned back to me and said, “So that’s it. That’s the big secret. I’m the river demon. It’s not Colin.”

I was all *suspicious Fry gif* at her, but then I finally said, “Well, I don’t really believe you, but... even if you’re telling the truth, the joke’s on you, ‘cos I’m a fan of yours, too.”

And then I got kicked out of my own dream.

[timaeusterrored]

I have a sad, sick Vax idea for you:

Thinking of Venus, home alone with Vax while Ker is gone overnight for whatever reason. Everything is fine, and they have a good time. Mostly cuddling, watching rom-coms, TLC-styled trashy shows, brief kisses here and there. Hell, they even made Stir-fry and eggrolls for dinner, together.

Until Vax goes missing for a few hours. Venus assumed he went to bed early without saying anything. He knew Vax hadn't been feeling 100% these past few months, but he was getting better. At least V was starting to talk and was smiling again, which Vik said was a good sign. Yes, his speech was still limited, but it was getting better every day.

Until Venus goes to take a shower before bed. Only to find Vax on the shower floor, having fainted in the shower, he hit his head on the way down, leaving a cut on his forehead and a broken nose. The warm water still beat down on the unconscious V. Venus is conflicted on whether to call Ker or not, because he knew what Kerry was doing was important, but damn it so was Vax.

Venus immediately begins to panic. He knew Kerry had said to call him if anything happened, Venus had just said ‘what could go wrong in one night?’ Kerry just said good luck and gave them both kisses before leaving.

Now they were here, having rolled V on his side, water off, unsure of what to do. If he called Vik first, Kerry would be pissed he wasn’t contacted immediately, but if he didn’t call Vik first, god knows what would happen. And he needed to call someone fast.

Fuck it, Vik first. Kerry could be mad all he wanted, Vax needed help immediately. He also knew Vik would most likely answer, he had no idea what Kerry was doing at this hour. He didn’t want to think badly of their lover, but for all he knew, Kerry could be wasted or high off his mind at some party.

Vik answered on the second ring, still wide awake even at this hour.

“Everything okay?” Vik asked, and Venus began his word vomit of Vax having passed out in the shower and was now unresponsive. Vik said he’d be there in ten minutes.

Venus frowned, trying to help him but knew better than to try and move him. He had busted his nose, his forehead cut. Hadn’t he been through enough.

As promised, Vik was there in the next ten minutes and kicked Venus out of the bathroom so he could help his son. And now, the fun part. Calling the guy that had been so overprotective of Vax for the past few month and tell him the first night he leaves Vax alone, he passes out and busts his nose in the shower.

“Hey sweetheart.” Kerry answer, surprisingly. He was smoking a cigarette on a balcony somewhere, and was looking fine as hell. What did he call Kerry for again?

Oh! Right.

“Everything alright?” Kerry asked, blowing the smoke out with his words. Venus took a deep breath.

“Vax passed out in the shower and broke his nose.” He’s never seen someone’s mood shift so quickly. Kerry’s face dropped, he couldn’t see his eyes from behind his sunglasses but he knew they were staring into his soul.

“You call Vik?”

“Yes.”

“Good. Is he there?”

“Also yes.”

“Good. I’m on my way.”

Fuck!

“No, Ker it’s fine! You don’t have too-“

“My mainline fainted in the shower, no it’s not okay. Gimme an hour or so, I’ll be there. And trust Vik, he knows what he’s doing.” Kerry didn’t give Venus the chance to argue and hung up.

Man, Venus couldn’t do shit right.

[pedropascalficsss]

ONE

The sun shone through the cracks in the blinds, lighting the otherwise pitch-black room. In the middle of the room stood a king size bed, blankets thrown all over it. A throaty groan came from under the sheets. Pulling the sheets down from over her face, and blowing the hair from her eyes, Roxanne sighed, she wasn’t ready for it to be morning already. She slowly opened her eyes, turning her head to look at the clock on her bedside table. 7:02am. “Great, I’m gonna be late.” She muttered as she pulled herself up, resting on her elbows as she let her eyes adjust to the natural light in the room.

After taking what felt like a 5 minute shower before she could hear her brothers rummaging through her house downstairs, she quickly got out, dressing in sweatpants and a tank top, she ran downstairs to greet the men. “What the fuck are you two doing here?” Roxie growled as she made her way over to the coffee machine and placing a mug underneath it before she even started listening to her brothers. “We’ve got Benny’s fight tonight, came round to make sure you hadn’t forgotten.” Her older brother Will spoke from his position on the other side of the kitchen, leaning against the counter as he ate dry cereal from the box, while ben was looking through the fridge.

“Seeing my brother all bloody and bruised? I think I’ll pass.” Roxie grimaced as watched the hot brown liquid splash into her cup, this couldn’t come quick enough. “I’m already late to meet Mom to go shopping for a dress for Jake’s wedding.” Jake was their cousin, he was getting married in less than a month and with Roxie approaching 30 and still single, her mother thought this was the perfect place to find someone to set her up with, which meant her approving the dress Roxie intended to wear.

Both Benny and Will started laughing at her statement, she could feel the vibrations on her tiled floor against her bare feet. “Alright alright, I know Mom’s sense of style is terrible, but I’ll find something.” She rolled her eyes at them as she brought the now brewed coffee up to her lips. “So thinking about it, if there’s gonna be booze at Benny’s fight I will be there. I’m gonna need something after spending the day with mom.” She chuckled softly as she moved across the kitchen and giving both brothers a hug before she began to make her way back upstairs to get dressed properly.

“Lock the door when you leave guys.” Roxie called as she bounced down the stairs, now wearing a pair of jeans and a Metallica band tee. Rounding the corner, she now saw three other men sitting in her kitchen, with benny now Frying bacon and eggs. “Great, eat me out of house and home.” She scoffed a she grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge, not even paying attention to the new men in her kitchen. “Is that my Rox?” A Familiar but gruff voice spoke from behind her, she could never mistake who it belonged to either. “Oh my god, Pope.” She screamed as she jumped into his arms, wrapping her legs around his torso and squeezing him tightly. She took a deep breath, inhaling his aftershave. A familiar scent. A safe scent. “God, I fucking missed you.” She grinned as she climbed off the male and settled back onto her feet.

“I missed you too, kid.” Roxie growled at him. “Don’t call me that, you know I hate it.” She gave him a playful punch on the arm before giving her attention to the other guys sat in her house. She knew one as Tom, the family man so she had only ever seen him in passing and never formally met before, then her gaze fell onto the last male, scruffy brown hair had been concealed under a cap, the biggest puppy dog like brown eyes she had ever seen. Whiskers around his mouth which formed a mismatched beard. Did her heart just skip a beat? “Rox, That’s Frankie, He’ll be at the fight tonight.” Roxie nodded, she suddenly felt shy. Grabbing Santiago’s arm, she nodded. “Right, I’m already super late so I better scoot. See you all tonight. Please don’t destroy my house and lock the door before you leave.” She turned on her heel and dashed for the door, only taking a breath when she was safely away in her car.

“Frankie….”

[lookingupatthesamemoon]

selfshiptober day 6: carnival + haunted

pairing: ryejoe :)

summary: Rye and Joe attend a horror nights event with their local traveling carnival.

word count: 3.4k

note: the longest selfshiptober piece i've done so far but also honestly one of my least favorites... just bear with me while i get back into good writing habits...

divider by @/thecutestgrotto :)

Rye and Joe made a point of going to the carnival every year. Carnivals and fairs had been an integral part of Joe’s life since he was just a boy, as they often served as one of the few times throughout the year that his family actually felt… Well, like an actual family. His parents never had too much money to spend on ride tickets or games, especially between him and his younger sister, but they always made the most of it. With so few opportunities to go out and have fun as a family, even if they could only go on a few rides, it was always worth their time. Besides, the free stuff entertained Joe just as much, especially when it came to county fairs. 

This one in particular was very special to him, though, seeing as he was once an employee. Joe himself had worked as a carnie for this very traveling carnival, operating rides and acting as handyman when things broke down. And, of course, in classic Joe Dirt fashion, he had made quite the impression on his fellow carnies, becoming somewhat of a star amongst them. He had learned all the tricks to the carnival games – well, at least the ones that were actually possible to win – and he knew the key to making perfectly textured fried dough. Actually, he knew the key to perfectly deep-frying all kinds of shit – it was impressive, at least to Rye, who always got to eat the food.

Of course, Rye loved it. She loved seeing him in one of his many elements – it always made her feel closer to him, sharing that important space together. Plus, it always made for a fun date night, and considering Joe’s status amongst the carnies, they just about always got in free of charge, and got pretty steep discounts on everything beyond the gates. They always had fun together, following a pretty similar routine. First, they would go on a couple of rides together, then take a break with a couple of games, where Joe would always win some ridiculous stuffed animal for her, usually at a dart-throwing game. Then they’d pig out on some fair food, and walk through the farm-style exhibitions as they digested before finishing their night on the ferris wheel. It was fool-proof. Sometimes, if they were lucky, they’d get to catch the demolition derby, too, which they both always loved to watch.

This year, though, was a bit different. The two had attended their usual fall fair as they always did, but Joe’s old carnival was coming through town again with a special event just in time for Halloween. Rye knew plenty of fairs and theme parks and such offered these kinds of fright fests, with their creepy mascots and haunted ride experiences... None of it had ever interested her. Truth be told, she was a bit of a scaredy cat. She often found that she could handle more than she realized she could in terms of horror, but she never quite understood people’s enjoyment of feeling scared. She had no desire to be chased through a cornfield by a paid actor weidling a fake chainsaw – even knowing it was both fake and corny, she still felt intimidated by it all.

But this was one of those rare occasions where Joe wouldn’t take no for an answer. Usually he was very good about compromising, making sure she was getting what she wanted and needed, but he really wanted to see her step outside of her comfort zone. So he asked her to go with him, and he kept asking, reassuring her that he would be by her side the whole time. This particular crew only did this event every few years, and the last time Joe had gone, he was being paid to be part of it. This year, he wanted to experience it as a customer, which Rye supposed she understood.

So, now here they were. The attendant at the ticket booth recognized Joe instantly as they approached the gate of the fairgrounds, grinning from ear to ear as he spotted him walking up to the window. Rye simply stood there, offering an occasional nod as he and Joe chatted, reminiscing on his supposedly “all-too-short-lived” carnie days. It paid off, though, as it often did – as they stepped into the fairgrounds, they flaunted the free passes they had been granted. Almost immediately, they were greeted by what seemed to be a zombie, with skin painted an olive green and blood dripping from the corners of their mouth. Rye smiled politely as they got closer, going in for a scare, clinging to Joe out of instinct as she waited for their space to stop being invaded. Joe laughed, waving the person on before leading his wife further into the fairgrounds. 

“You don’t gotta be scared, baby,” he said softly, leaning down by her ear. He kissed her cheek before explaining it all away. “That was just Bryan. He usually works the funnel cake stand.”

“I’m not scared, per se,” Rye reasoned, “just… Kind of uncomfortable I guess.”

“We don’t gotta stay too long,” Joe replied. “I don’t want you to feel like crud, like you’re stuck here or anythin’.”

“No, it’s fine,” Rye shrugged. “I’ll be okay.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah, I’m sure.”

“Okay… I’m gonna believe you, but if you got a problem with anything, just tell me, okay?”

“Yes, Joe,” Rye sighed, rolling her eyes a bit, a small smile still gracing her features. She always appreciated him looking out for her, of course, but sometimes it could be a little much.

“And, hey,” he continued, oblivious to her slight annoyance, “I can just, like, debunk everything for you. I know you know it’s all fake, but I can give you all that behind the scenes info you’re missin’ so you know what’s what.”

“Okay. Yeah. That sounds good. That works.”

“Good. So, whaddya wanna do first? They really went all out this year, they got a maze and everything! They never managed to get mazes when I was workin’ with ‘em.”

“Uh… Why don’t we plan for the maze last?” Rye suggested.

“You sure?”

“Yeah. I feel like… I don’t know, that one might be the least fun for me? Or, like, the hardest, just because there’s more to it than, like, a haunted house or something?”

“So… You’re tellin’ me you wanna save the worst for last?”

“In the sense that doing it first might make me too tired to do any of the other quote-unquote ‘scary’ stuff... Yeah, I think so.”

“Okay,” Joe nodded. “Whatever the lady wants, she gets.”

“I like the sound of that,” Rye chuckled. “So… Maybe we can do the hayride first? And, can we take breaks between the scary stuff?”

“Sure,” Joe replied. “I want you to have fun tonight, baby, so we will do this however you want to. I’m just glad you came.”

Rye nodded, taking her husband’s hand again as they headed toward the line for the hayride. Of course, they were able to get on fast, as Joe knew the guy driving the tractor. The sun had just finished setting as the ride began, the orange glow of the sun just fading out below the treeline. The fresh dusk set the perfect scene for a hayride through the back of the fairgrounds, trailing slowly around the edges of the maze. Rye kept her eyes peeled, trying her best to gather hints about the maze itself that might help her for later. In her experience, haunted hayrides usually were the tamest of the “haunted” activities. After all, in a wagon, she was always further away from the monsters chasing her than she could ever be on foot. She felt Joe wrap an arm around her, pulling her close to stay warm as a chill blew through the air. She laughed watching what looked like a discount chainsaw massacre villain chasing after the wagon, the buzzing sound effects just barely disguising his heavy breathing. 

As they made their way off the wagon, Joe’s hand slithered around Rye’s waist.  “Okay, that one wasn’t bad at all,” Rye remarked.

“Yeah, I guess they never really are,” Joe shrugged. “You havin’ a good time?”

“Yeah, I always have a nice time with you,” she responded, leaning further into him. “It was cool to see the grounds and all the lights from the wagon like that.”

“Yeah… So, you feelin’ good enough to go straight for the haunted house? Or should we play some games first?”

“Games first.” Rye was quick to answer, wanting to pace the horror of it all, while also just wanting to make her night out with Joe last.

Joe obliged her request, opting for the ring toss, which they had decked out to match the theme of the night. Rather than standard clear glass bottles, these ones were green, and some of them were even wrapped in a thin layer of toilet paper to look like mummies. Rye smiled at this, though she wondered how much more challenging the mummy bottles might be. They didn’t jostle Joe, though. He knew the trick to the game, successfully landing three rings in a row on the same mummy bottle and earning a scoff from another patron. He shared a look with the carnie on duty, holding out his hand for the prize he had rightfully won: a stuffed black cat wearing a purple witch hat. Rye smiled wide as her husband handed it over to her — of course, prizes at the carnival were never anything too crazy, but she loved watching Joe flex these skills for her… The silly little prizes were just the cherry on top. She hugged the kitty to her chest, lacing the fingers of her free hand with Joe’s as they began to make their way to the haunted house.

“Just so you know, before we go in… Haunted houses sort of make me feel claustrophobic,” Rye told her husband as they approached the line.

“What? I knew you didn’t like ‘em, but I didn’t know that was part of it… You wanna step outta the line? We don’t have to go in.”

“Oh, we’re going in,” Rye said. “We’re here, we’ve already started… We’re gonna do everything now.”

“You know, I didn’t realize your stubbornness applied to stuff you don’t like,” Joe chuckled.

“Only sometimes,” Rye shrugged. “But, I know you wanted to do this and you wanted to share it with me, so now I want to do it all. Like, it’s like I want to prove to both of us that I can do it, you know? Besides, the only stuff we really have left is the haunted house and the maze, right?”

“That would be right, yeah. At least for the Halloweeny stuff, anyway.”

“Okay, yeah… I can make it through both of those. I just wanted to let you know so you can prepare for me grabbing onto you and stuff.”

Joe laughed. “You know I don’t mind. Besides, I’d know it was you – they ain’t supposed to touch you in there.”

“I know… But they get so damn close.”

“Don’t worry, darlin’, I’ll protect you,” Joe cooed, pressing a kiss to her forehead.

He continued to gently rub her shoulder as they waited in line. When it was finally their turn to enter, Rye took a breath, grounding herself. She would be fine. It would just be like… Like a concert with a big crowd. Only, you know, scarier. But, as long as she kept her arms close to her body, and Joe guarded her from behind, she would be okay. It was just tough, those creepy costumed actors getting so close in such small spaces…

As they stepped inside, the first room was decorated like a science lab, neon colored potions lining the walls and spilling onto the floor. Rye looked around, immediately noticing the sheet moving atop the gurney to her right. That must’ve been the first scare. She braced for it, wondering what kind of look the actor would be going for – would they be a sickly patient turning into a zombie? Or would they appear to be more of a Frankenstein’s monster style creation? She supposed she would like that…

But she was pulled out of her thoughts by the first scare actually coming from her left, her right hand reaching back to grab onto Joe as a mad scientist jumped out from a supply closet in front of them. Not too bad, once her heartbeat slowed itself back to normal. She had always hated jumpscares, so on top of the constant cramped and invaded space, the fact that most haunted houses she knew of used jumpscares for at least half of their frights just made the entire concept of them unappealing for her. Joe squeezing her hand almost made her jump again, but she remembered quickly who he was, sighing as she leaned back into him for support. Having him here with her was making the idea of walking all the way through it a lot more bearable.

“I think that was José in the scientist costume,” Joe whispered to her as they began to step into the hallway leading to the next room. “You know, he makes a mean cotton candy.”

Rye chuckled, staying close to him as they walked through the hallway. Just as she had expected, the walls of the hall were pliable. They looked like latex, though she was sure they had to have been made with something a bit cheaper. She could see hands pressing against them from the inside, encouraging her to keep to the middle. “I used to love gettin’ to do that part… Standin’ in the walls and just reachin’ out,” Joe whispered.

Entering the next room, the two were overwhelmed by blue lights that saturated the walls and the floor. They were almost entirely surrounded by screens – so many that Rye couldn’t help but wonder how a traveling carnival was able to gather that many bulky old televisions and bring them from town to town. She was sure Joe could explain it. She was also pretty sure that she knew what the scare would be in this room: in poltergeist fashion, an actor would crawl out from one of the screens and follow them to the next hallway. One of these televisions must’ve been hollowed out, she just couldn’t tell in this light which one it was, especially when more than one was turned off. She mentally pat herself on the back as someone did in fact crawl from one of the screens, moving so slowly that she wasn’t even concerned.

It was a small attraction of course, set up in the middle of a running carnival, so as Rye and Joe entered their third room, she knew they had to be almost done. Surely, there could only be one, maybe two more rooms to get through, and then they’d be done. This third one was set up like a slaughterhouse – except, of course, a house that slaughtered humans rather than cows and pigs. Front and center was an actor dressed as a butcher, a bloody apron covering their torso and a large, shiny cleaver in their gloved right hand. On the table in front of him were two severed legs, very clearly made of plastic. The walking path in this room was particularly cramped, surrounded by tables and chairs adorned with more faux body parts. Rye squeezed Joe’s hand to steady herself, slowly shimmying through. To alleviate some of the awkward feeling crawling up her spine, she found herself sending a small wave to the actor, making Joe chuckle. “Hey, Steve,” he said under his breath. As they made their way through, Rye began to realize that this room had no real scare - rather, the anxiety came from waiting for a scare that was never coming. She had to give credit where credit was due. She supposed she liked that one, despite how difficult it was to move through it.

From the entrance of the fourth room, Rye could see the way out. Unless there was some haunted graveyard setup waiting for them just outside, this was the last room she and Joe had to get through. She braced herself for some sort of grand finale, and she was met with it in the form of a big-top circus. Pits of plastic balls lined the borders of the path through the room, their depth unknown. The red stripes down the walls were painted messily, as if to resemble blood. Before she could take in any other details of the room, four clowns emerged from the ball pits, causing her to shriek, jumping back into Joe. She then laughed at herself as she caught her breath. Those damn sudden movements… 

“You know,” Rye breathed, taking the final steps out from the back of the house, “that also really wasn’t too bad.” 

“Yeah, they try not to make it too crazy,” Joe replied. “I’m surprised you didn’t get more scared, though! It usually doesn’t take much for you.”

“Joe, you greeted one of the actors in there by name,” Rye giggled. “How am I supposed to get scared of some guy named Steve?”

“He had a knife!”

Rye shook her head, still chuckling a bit as she planted a kiss on his cheek.

“You know, we can skip the maze if you want,” Joe suggested as she pulled away. “I know you’re not really lookin’ forward to it. You’ve done more than I thought you might tonight, and, you know, I don’t want you to push your limits or nothin’.”

“Oh, no, we can still do the maze. You said it yourself, they never got to do mazes when you worked with them.”

“I think that’s what I’m afraid of… With you, I mean. I’ve been behind the scenes, so it would take a whole lot for ‘em to scare me, but… I can’t exactly ‘hey Steve’ my way out of a scare in this one.”

“Joe… I’ll be fine. Like I’ve been saying all night, I’ve got you to keep me safe. And honestly? Getting through the little haunted house without too many jumps? That was, like, a confidence boost almost. I guess these things just aren’t as creepy as they were when I was a kid, you know? I can take it now. I like to think that between the two of us we can make it out of that maze pretty fast, right?”

And so, off they went, toward the final big attraction. Given that it was in the middle of a traveling carnival, this was not a traditional corn or hedge maze. Rather, it was haphazardly put together using scrap wood, metal, and plastic. As far as Rye was concerned, the slapdash appearance of it only added to the fear factor. The lack of professionalism made the possibility of it being the work of someone like Jigsaw all too real.

Stepping in wasn’t too bad, until the “door” behind them shut, making the hallway in front of them darker than it had been before. Rye hated the dark. She clung to Joe as they slowly crept through the first portion of the maze, waiting with bated breath for the first scare to come scurrying their way. This was definitely worse than the haunted house. In fact, this was what Rye was always worried haunted houses would feel like.

“You good?” Joe whispered.

“Not really.”

“We can still leave, you know.”

Rye shook her head. Although Joe couldn’t really see her doing it, he could feel the way her hair brushed against him, and he could tell what she was saying. No.

Soldiering on through the dark, the two of them began to realize that, perhaps, the darkness itself was the scare. It was disorienting enough barely being able to see, keeping them on edge as they made their way through each twist and turn, feeling the walls to figure out their way around. Instead of physical scares within the maze, it seemed that the carnival workers were simply using sound effects from outside, and relying on the darkness of the interior of the maze to deliver enough of a fright. It was interesting, at least in Rye’s opinion.

It didn’t take them too long to find the exit. It wasn’t a particularly lengthy maze, but the time they did spend inside was harrowing. As Joe found the knob to let them out, he let out a breath he hadn’t even realized he had been holding, wrapping an arm around Rye’s shoulders.

“Okay,” Rye sighed, “I think it’s safe to say we did indeed save the worst one for last.”

“Yeah, I’ll agree.”

“Ferris wheel to decompress, then go home?” Rye suggested.

“I was thinkin’ that exact same thing,” Joe grinned.

[despair-to-future-arcs]

[Part 3]

Date: November 5th, 2010

*steps back and looks around the bathroom* And done, now we got the bathroom all clean up - nice work Sonia!

Of course Kiriko, this has been quite a wonderful experience and I learn how to clean the bathroom and turn off the shower too, I'm so happy about this!

I do have to thank you Kiriko, I never knew cleaning and cooking could be such fun; where did you learn all this from?

I mean... probably it is a good skills to have, probably the only thing that I have to thank my parents for...

Anyway, enough of that; seems some one of the girl's left their shampoo in the bathroom here...

And it's not even a good brand either, looks like it contains kudzu as well, figures...

Kudzu? Is that for shampoo and soap?

Well yeah but it has other uses to, like Chinese medicine to treat alcoholism, heart disease, menopausal symptoms, diabetes, fever, the common cold, and neck or eye pain.

I believe even Japan uses it in Kuzu powder or Kuzuko which is the highest-grade of starch. It has been long used in many high-quality Japanese restaurants and Japanese sweets, as well as in home cooking -- for making sauces, soups, coating foods before deep frying and so on.

While I'm not fond of sweets myself it does have it's uses, so I won't deny it.

My word, you sure know quite a lot about chemicals, huh? I never knew it had these uses!

Well yeah before I got into hair styling, I was really good at chemistry and knowing various chemicals, honestly reading what they do is a lot of fun.

In fact I was planning on making a very healthy shampoo and soap that doesn't include Kudzu, it's been in the works for some months now and I'm nearly finish; just... need a few more things.

Well I'm sure whatever you make, it'll be a success so I wish you luck!

Thanks Sonia, I'll be sure to give you a bottle after I test it out and got it approve, so look forward to it!

Well anyway, given we are done here - we should get going so let's go and put the supplies away.

*After that Kiriko and Sonia leave the bathroom together*

Kiriko Nishizawa's FTE

[Part 1]

Date: April 10th, 2010

*puts the last load in* So it's like this, right...?

Yes getting it into the washer should take between 30 to 45 minutes based on the load while drying it would take 40 minutes to do that for a week's load of clothing.

So it be about 80 minutes a week at best if calculating it correctly, then you put in the laundry detergent in the washer and then put dryer sheet into the dryer as well, also be sure to get a basket prepare as well.

I see, thank for teaching me how to perform laundry; I am learning quite a lot from you Kiriko!

Of course, no problem and happy to help and it's better to keep an eye on prices so you don't waste any money.

Ah yes, I suppose I'll need to keep that in mind, you sure do live quite frugally Kiriko.

Still, I'm impress you can do this and laundry as well, then to add on top your talent too? How are you so good at all this?

Well... I did have to learn on my own when I started this career in hair styling, my folks aren't exactly supportive of my career choice but it makes me happy...

I see, sorry to bring that up if it bothers you...

It's fine, honestly I don't care what my parents think; they can think whatever the hell they want, I want to become a hair stylist and I will damnit.

Hell, I even remember when I first got into hair styling for a play I was doing!

Oh you were helping with a play?

Middle school, there was a play I was helping with - I believe it was based on a book, while everyone else was helping with costumes, actors and make-up, I was stuck with the wigs and ask me to style them a bit.

I will admit... it was hard to do, I had to use even pins to hold the hairs together, lots of references to look over, and cut them properly... it was not easy.

Ah well, we all have to start somewhere but at least you learn from it, right?

Oh yeah, it was and the play was a huge success; I got a lot of comments about the hairstyles I was able to capture, so it felt really great!

After that, I started to take a lot of interest in being a hairstylist; I even took up a part time job at a hair salon to understand the field.

Well it was just helping the cashier and cleaning up hairs that fallen to the floor, it did help me understand and even start my career as a hair stylish

That's quite a story, I'm happy you were able to. (Kiriko does seem to be quite passionate about it and I'm happy for her!)

[over--and-out]

begging for literally any content with eddie and a ftm reader please im starving

Answer

Eddie Munson x FTM Reader

Summary: You didn't think coming out to Eddie would be as easy as it was

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." Your response was shaky and nervous but Eddie just nodded as he comprehended what you were telling him. He waved his ring clad hand as he spoke.

"So, um... You want me to call you a boy?" You nodded a bit and he gave a small nod in return. You could almost see the gears turning in his head. "M'kay. Done." You blinked slowly at his words and your brows furrowed, Eddie placing his hand down on the table before messing with his plate of fries.

"Done?"

"Yeah. Whatever you wanna do. That makes you more comfortable right?"

You were taken back by his words. "Well yeah but-"

"Well then if that's it then I'll do it. It's not my business to question you. It is ,however, my business to support you."

You blinked for a long moment and nodded as you looked down, rubbing your arms a bit and Eddie popped a French fry into his mouth. "Do these taste a little unseasoned? I should have seasoned them better." His brows were furrowed and you gave him furrowed brows in return.

"Eddie, it really doesn't bother you?" His brows eyes met yours and his brows were equally furrowed in confusion. "Why would it? You feel more comfortable as a boy, that's who you are. I shouldn't have a say in how you feel comfortable." Eddie had never really been good at giving genuine words of advice, but he was good at making sense of something that you found confusing.

"I can like, take you to get your haircut sometime later maybe? I remember you saying you liked that one dude's style in the new Nightmare on Elm Street."

Was he mocking you? Making fun of you?

"Sweetheart?" He spoke softly, genuinely. That's one thing Eddie always was. Genuine.

"Yeah sorry... I just... Didn't think you'd react this way." A bit of worry washed over his features and he leaned forward a bit to speak quieter to you.

"Did somebody react negatively? Is everything okay?" You shook your head.

"No- I mean yeah but... I don't know, I just didn't think you'd accept it." He smiled softly and ran his knuckles across your cheek, the cool metal of a new ring he had on leaving a trail of goosebumps in it's wake. He gave you a gentle kiss to your forehead before flopping back into his seat and you laughed softly.

"You do know that now this means you're in a gay relationship, right?" He gave an absent shrug.

"Maybe I've been gay this whole time. You never know."

"WOW, Munson, real nice."

"I didn't mean it like that-" he quickly rushed his words out and you playfully threw a French fry at him.

~

The next day, Eddie had prompted to skip school and take you with him. You were almost ecstatic and bursting at the seams with happiness. Eddie had offered to take you to Starcourt to get you new things like a binder and such, or the best rendition of one he could find. He was a determined man, and Eddie being Eddie, he was a flatterer. That morning he picked you up in that beat up old van and he drove you to his trailer, Wayne greeting you with a smile and immediately asking how "Eddie's boy" was doing. It filled your chest to the brim with happiness, and you'd be exploding if you knew that Eddie had spent two hours explaining the situation to his Uncle Wayne.

He let you wear some of his baggy clothes, his pants a bit big but a worn belt of his helped them stay fastened around your waist. He gave you a deep red and orange Megadeth shirt that had some rips and tears here and there, but it wasn't exposing. Finally was the brown flannel over top of everything. Since you had some converses already, he didn't need to give you any shoes. He helped you tuck your shirt into your pants, overly excited about the situation at hand and he was almost literally like a puppy dog.

"'S that comfy for you? Does it feel okay?" He glanced at you, his tongue wetting his bottom lip in concentration. You nodded and a happy smile spread across your face. He smiled back and stood to his full height, kissing your forehead. "So, haircut first? Food? Whatever you wanna do sweetheart."

He hugged you into his side and you smiled as you leaned into him. Today was going to be good, you could tell.

You had gotten a haircut, the style completely suiting to your face shape and Eddie took you to multiple stores to get some clothes. He had managed to find something to suffice as a chest binder for you and you immediately ran to the bathroom to put it on. When the two of you were done, you made your way to the Scoops Ahoy across the mall.

"What kind of ice cream do you want? Or do you wanna share a root beer split again?" You perked up and immediately agreed to the split, causing Eddie to smile as he turned to the one and only Steve Harrington.

"Welcome to Scoops Ahoy." Steve sounded so disinterested that it was almost funny.

"What's got your panties in a twist, Harrington?" Eddie was nonchalant and amused as he leaned against the counter.

"A girl ditched him last night on their date. Dingus was furious." Robin walked around the counter flinging water off of a freshly cleaned ice cream scoop.

"No shit." Eddie laughed and shook his head. "Harrington just can't seem to get a hang of this dating thing, can he? Mr. 'I had every girl in Hawkins after me.'"

"Yeah yeah save it Munson. What do you want?"

Eddie wrapped an arm around your shoulders and beamed. "The man's agreed to a root beer split."

Robin immediately picked up on it. "Coming right up, sirs."

She gave you a knowing smile and nodded, causing a wave of warmth to go through you. You couldn't believe the support you had with your friends.

This is kind of shit ngl and I'm so sorry about that. I'm working on more in the process and I apologize for being so slow with fics. I haven't been the best mentally

[biancadjarin]

Head Over (Chanel) Heels pt. 2

chapter one chapter two chapter three

EM x spoiled!reader (self insert y/n)

It’s been a few days since Eddie’s private guitar lesson in your room became… something else. Of course you didn’t let it go very far because well you’re you and you don’t let just anyone have you that easily. You had made an excuse to leave the privacy of your room, saying something like “a hostess can’t disappear from her own party.” Eddie laughed and followed you back downstairs, “ok princess, but just so you know-” he turned you to face him at the top of the stairs, before everyone’s eyes would be back on you, “this isn’t over.” He’d said softly, his pointer finger gesturing to the space between you two.

You’ve been thinking about Eddie everyday since. Absentmindedly humming the songs he played on your dad’s guitar. You stare down at your plate of fries and push them around as you sit in the booth of the local 50’s themed diner with your three brainless friends. You haven’t contributed to the conversation for a few minutes, distracted instead replaying in your mind the moment in your room when Eddie pulled you to sit in his lap. His heavy rings nipping coldly as they skimmed across your skin. The way his chest felt against your back when he laughed, the way his lips latched to your neck in that spot that makes your eyes roll back. The way he didn’t rush or pressure you into anything, just explored and got familiar with your body like he was committing it all to memory.

“Y/n? Hellooo? Are you even listening?” “Yeah.. m’just thinking about school.” you say, popping a fry in your mouth. Your excuse works and they move on to some other pointless topic. You are worried about senior year starting, a few days away. But then you remember the thought you’ve been trying to push away for the last couple days: Eddie goes to Hawkins High. I go to St. Catherine’s private school outside of town. He probably has plenty of girls to distract him at his school. He probably hasn’t even thought about me since my party. Why would he?

“I swear dude, we went up to her room and…” “And what?” Steve asks Eddie, a bit agitated but trying to hide it in his voice, hand gripping the steering wheel tighter as his eyes narrow. Eddie’s eyes soften as he stares ahead, remembering you that night, his mouth curving into a crooked grin. “We were talking and… she kissed me.” Steve couldn’t believe his ears. You, his best friend, the princess who lives next door kissed Eddie?? You barely let guys even hug you and after one night you’re having a secret rendez vous with Hawkin’s number one freak? Why hadn’t you told him? You’ve hung out everyday since your party. “There’s no way man. Y/n is like a total prissy prude.” Steve laughed, hand waving around for emphasis. Eddie shrugged. “I don’t know man, she seemed pretty into me.” Eddie wiggled his eyebrows at Steve. “I’ve never seen her go out with a guy with.. your style.” Eddie looked at Steve with a grin “Well maybe you don’t know her as well as you think you do, big boy.” he says, giving Steve’s shoulder a playful soft punch as they pull into the gravel parking lot.

The jingle of the bells above the diner door pulls your attention up from your fries. The world felt like it went into slow motion while your heart began to beat faster than you think it ever has. Eddie and Steve walked in, standing at the podium waiting to be sat. You slump down in the booth on reflex and push your plate away from you, knocking over your friends shake. “Shit y/n!” She yells. You ignore her and watch as they’re led by the hostess to sit on the shiny red vinyl covered stools at the counter. “What is going on with you?” Your friend snaps. You shush her and waive your hand, motioning for them all to shut up. They roll their eyes and do as they’re told. Sitting up, you grab the shiny metal napkin holder from the end of the table and use it as a mirror to apply fresh lipgloss. You take a deep breath, smooth down your hair and pull the tank top under your matching cardigan down to reveal more cleavage. Thank God I wore a cute outfit today. “How do I look?” You ask your three friends as their eyes stare at you in confusion. “Hot.” they all say in unison. You nod and say “Stay here.” as you stand and approach the two boys.

Steve and Eddie are staring into their menus as you walk up behind them and let out a soft “Hi.” They both spin around in their seats, “oh hey you!” Steve smiles as he leans forward and pulls you into a hug. Your eyes meet Eddie’s and that familiar tingley feeling returns to your tummy. “You uh.. remember Eddie.” Steve says dryly as he releases you, one hand still on your lower back. “Of course! Hi Eddie.” You say, stepping away from Steve to stand in between Eddie’s spread thighs, snaking your arms around his neck to pull him into a tight hug. You hug him longer than you hugged Steve and Eddie’s eyes go wide as he looks at Steve, one hand leaving your waist to point in the air at you as he mouths “see?”. Steve rolls his eyes with a nod. “How are you doing princess?” Eddie asks you with a wide smile. You stand close to him, his hands rest on your waist, thumbs finding the sliver of skin between your top and your jeans. “So good.. actually do you think I could talk to you?” Your eyes flit to Steve’s. “In private?” Eddie begins to nod but Steve cuts him off. “Actually can we talk for a second in private?” He asks you. You furrow your brow at him, but he grabs your wrist and leads you to an empty booth.

“What the hell y/n? You and Eddie? Why didn’t you tell me?” “I don’t know.. I don’t tell you everything that happens in my life Steve.” He scoffs “Uh yeah I know but this feels kind of important. I mean I introduced you guys.” “Well actually no you didn’t. You brought him to my party without asking and I met him by myself.” “Well clearly that worked out.” You sneak a look over Steve’s shoulder back at Eddie, just as he’s taking a big bite of cheeseburger. “Why do you care?” You ask Steve. “I don’t! I just… I don’t know, I thought we were close. Me and you. And… I just didn’t think you kept secrets from me.” Steve sounded genuinely hurt and normally his puppy dog eyes looking at you like this would make you melt but you’re too distracted. You just want to get back to Eddie. “Look, I’m sorry that you feel like I kept it from you but I figured Eddie would tell you anyway. And he did so no big deal right?” Steve shook his head, giving you a tight lipped fake smile. “Right.” “Good” you smiled. “Now do me a big favor and sit here while I talk to Eddie. I’ll tell the waitress to bring your burger over here.” You get up without waiting for a response and walk back over to Eddie, sitting down softly on the stool next to him.

“Is everything ok?” Eddie asks you, eyes soft with worry as he wipes his mouth with the back of his hand, burger already gone. “Yeah, everything’s fine. Steve’s just a little dramatic sometimes.” you say with a laugh. Eddie nods in agreement glancing over at his friend. “I’m glad I came to this silly diner.” he says reaching a hand out to rest on your knee. “Me too. How’ve you been since..?” Eddie smiles wide, “I’ve been good I’ve been… thinking about you a lot.” he says, big brown eyes focusing on yours so intensely you feel lightheaded. “Was going to ask Steve for your number so I could call you and take you out. But now I can do that in person.” He slides forward on the spinny stool, gliding his hands up your thighs to turn your body towards his. Goosebumps erupt under your jeans and you feel your face warm at his familiar touch. “Where does the princess of Hawkins want to go?” Anywhere. As long as I’m with you. All your favorite restaurants fly around your mind. White tablecloths, napkins that match your pants, wine sommeliers and black pepper grinders, tiny candles and long stemmed flowers on the tables. But as you look at the cute metal head in front of you, you know he’d be out of place there. And he probably couldn’t afford a $250 dinner. And for the first time, that doesn’t matter to you. “Why don’t we go see a movie?” you say as you grab the waitress’s notepad and pen she left on the counter. You scribble your number down and bring the paper up to leave a pink sticky kiss mark on it. Eddie watches you, grip on your thighs tightening. “Y-yeah. Whatever you want baby. My treat. All the candy and popcorn you can eat too!” He says smiling wide. You slide the note over to him.

“Y/n! We’re done here, Steve’s already tried to ask each of us out and it’s getting kind of sad.” Your friends voice growing louder as they all click their heels on the tile towards you. One of them pulls your sleeve as she gives Eddie a disgusted look. He smiles politely back at her. “Yeah yeah we’re going.” you say as they head to the door, bell jingling again. “Tomorrow night?” Eddie nods, a hand coming up to hold your cheek. His eyes drop to your lips and he pulls you into a gentle yet deep kiss, his tongue moving between your parted lips and massaging yours. His lips are so soft and his tongue is even softer, even if he tastes like cheeseburger and cherry coke, this is the best kiss you’ve ever had. He leans back, eyes still closed for a second before looking back to yours, “Until tomorrow princess.”

[careforacuppatea]

Messy Homestuck headcanons no body cares to know about

Human!Gamzee definitely uncaps any beverage that comes in a bottle, using his teeth. Only time he doesn’t is if Karkat or Tavros can be there to catch him before he manages it- though Karkat is quicker about snatching the bottle away and scolding Gamzee than Tavros is. Anyway it’s no secret Tavros finds the little trick kind of cool and low-key hot, in that trashy sort of way.

Gamzee can play a Calliope, a steam piano/organ.

Fem!Tavros has a death hawk, and only ever styles it up into it’s long rigid hawk when either Kanaya gets her hands on the girl’s hair, or Gamzee with sticky hands covered in sopor as a sort of gel. Otherwise it’s just left un-gelled and long and loose. 

I support my friend’s headcanon that Tavros wears Birkenstock sandals. That still doesn’t excuse the atrocity of wearing socks with sandals, and only adds to my major distaste because I think Birkenstocks are hideous.

Maybe Tavros isn’t exactly fated to be a legendary rapper, but I can see him actually having the voice + the skills to be a wicked dubstep bro. This one is mainly inspired by Skrillex. Dave showing him how to work with records? That’s some matrimonial bro-bonding right there.

I think it’d make sense if Gamzee had a burner/druggie fried-out voice, since I'd imagine sopor slime, if ingested over long, consistent periods, can cause some serious damage/frying to the vocal chords and throat. 

Tavros and Vriska are better suited as frenemies. 

Aradia and Tavros becoming moirails. 

Human!Gamzee being some white trash white boy with an odd accent that’s a ghetto-burner sort of voice that's heavy and slow with a slight redneck southern twang to it is so hot and spot on don’t even @ me. 

Human!Gamzee was born and is from Detroit, Michigan, only because that’s where Faygo was first created and produced and that’s where the headquarters are stationed at.

Tavros has a septum ring piercing yes. 

Tavros is a perv but Gamzee is a freak so together they’re a recipe for a degenerate disaster. 

Tavros having hazel eyes just makes sense to me, but especially human!Tavros. 

Human!Karkat has grey eyes.

Gamzee is tall and lanky. He is just, generally long. Everything about this boy is long. E v e r y t h i n g. 

Human!Gamzee with thick black hair and dark blue eyes and crooked teeth that fit in an unconventionally attractive way, paired with his doofy ass grin. 

Gamzee has an aquiline nose. 

Gamzee is just best described as unconventionally attractive. He's not got a bad face per se but he's gross regardless, but in that hot way y'feel me?

When Tavros ends up losing his lance or forced into closed quarters fighting, when it doubt and desesperado, he uses those horns baby. 

Gamzee and Vriska in a kismesissitude/black romance is hot no I don’t take criticism.

Besides the opening bottlecaps with his teeth trick, human!Gamzee is also quite skilled in the art of manipulating smoke, like when he’s taking a drag from cigarettes, or a blunt. 

Gamzee equipped with two, long, deep purple tentacle bulges, both lined with ridges/’’barbs’’. 

Low bloods, whether male or female, typically/commonly having only one bulge to work with- though there can be exceptions and outliers (Sollux having twin bulges) It’s more common for higher bloods to have either larger, or more than one bulge, also either lined with ridging/barbs. Of course outliers exist for high bloods here, too.

Low bloods are easy to bruise. 

Human!Tavros growing up on a quaint ranchero in the boonies, surrounded by chickens and cows and a bull and pigs and rabbits and goats and horses and a donkey, all sorts of animals. Helping out on the small piece of farmland.

Whenever an occurrence happens where Gamzee and Tavros don’t get along, and the red feelings flip pitched, the arguments are petty and cutting and someone always takes it too far. This leads to pretty intense, hateful, rough fucking. Though they never stay pitched for long, and it’s after everything’s been said and done and it’s out of their systems, the red between them returns. That’s usually when apologies come out and they actually try to listen to each other, or just drop it altogether because it was agreed it was stupid to get so angry over.

Tavros struggles more with jealousy than Gamzee does. 

Tavros isn't exactly a fan of being called or labeled as ‘’cute,’’ for a multitude of reasons. 

Tavros has a slight overbite.

Gamzee's feelings towards Tavros were initially unrequited. The kid came around though with how determined and persistent Gamzee was about courting him.

Tavros' favorite color is green.

[scaranao]

°Notes°- this was originally a sample I wrote for a discord server, it's been "aestheticized" by my ridiculous friend Cupid.

°WARNINGS°-None, unless you count deadly frying pans lmao, it's just really sweet fluff.

Long stretches, loud yawns and hooded eyes indicated the arrival of nighttime. Y/n had never considered herself as a night-owl but times like this arise when she gets a little carried away. Admittedly, she should have been in bed long ago, yet there she was at some ungodly hour of the night with her eyes fixated on her laptop, thick-rimmed glasses sitting crookedly on her face, her back hunched as though she was kyphosis-inflicted.

Surely, there were loads of things that needed finishing touches, for example, her weeks overdue project or even a paper she was to turn in very soon but what was it — besides procrastination, of course — that stopped her from utilizing her time properly? Whatever could she be doing instead? Ah, reading fan fiction about anime characters. In her opinion, though, this was a lot more interesting way to waste away the hours of the night. And so, a hand went underneath her glasses to rub her burdened eyes in an attempt to soothe them before they focused right back on the screen like a boomerang.

**

The shrill screech of her door snapped her out of the trance she had quickly become absorbed into. Her mind scrambled to find a reason for that familiar noise at this time. She wasn't expecting someone, of course not, so who could it be? A robber? The mere thought sent a jolt through her bones as she quickly but stealthily jumped off her chair and slipped into the kitchen. In the abundant darkness, there were a very few choices of weapons she could have selected (it's not like she had an entire arsenal in her kitchen) so she just grabbed the first thing her small hands could wrap themselves around.

Armed with her weapon of mass destruction, she made her way to the door and just as it opened, she swung with all her might, delivering a swing worthy of rivaling Serena Williams'. She must've momentarily inherited the strength but not the balance because as soon as the swing went all the way through, she slipped over herself and landed with a thud on the cold, hard floor. Dazed with the lack of sleep and imminent concussion, she stared into vibrant green eyes of the male who stood above her with a very familiar yet exasperated look on his face.

"Did you just try to attack me with a frying pan?” he asked, deep voice laced with disbelief.

“Uh, happy April fools'?”

“It’s August," he deadpanned, though seeing his girlfriend sprawled out on the floor beneath him after her failed attempt to smash his head in, the boy couldn’t help but find the situation slightly amusing. But just a little bit. "It could be April?" Fighting back a grin, he picked the semiconscious girl up bridal-style and carried her to the shared bedroom without another word.

Putting his chestnut hair into a bun, he whispered as she drifted off to sleep, "You really tried to brain me with a frying pan and slipped." Opening her eyes a quarter of an inch, she replied, "At least, it makes for a good ice-breaker story." Quiet laughter echoed through the room and as the alarm clock flashed 2:34, the two drifted into a peaceful slumber.

[verai-marcel]

Instinct (RDR2 Fanfic, Arthur x F!Reader, Noir AU, 18+)

Summary: Four months after you start dating Arthur, he comes to you in the middle of the night, tired and bloody. What do you do when his more primal instincts come forward?

Author’s Notes: My dear @reddeaddufus, for all the beta reading you’ve done for me, thank you. I wasn’t expecting to write a sequel to this story, but for you, I’ll do it.

Tags: rough sex, man handling, size kink, dirty talk, medium honor Arthur, prone bone, doggy style, creampie

Word Count: 3040

AO3 Link is here, sweets.

--------------------

A loud thumping at your apartment door woke you with a jolt. With adrenaline surging through your veins, you slipped quietly out of bed and grabbed a frying pan from the kitchen as you made your way to the front door. The thumping had slowed, but was still louder than the pitter-pattering of the rain. Wondering who it could be this late at night, you peered through the peephole. In the inky darkness, you couldn't quite make out the large shadow that loomed in your view. 

You stepped back, wondering if you should just ignore it.

Through the sound of the rain, you could hear a familiar voice. "Darlin'?"

You gasped and quickly unlocked your door, fumbling with the locks in your haste. 

"Arthur!" you whispered harshly as you pulled him inside. 

"Lock the door, sweets," he rasped. Pulling off his jacket, he dragged himself to your dining table.

You did as he bade before turning on the lights, bathing the room in a soft amber glow. 

Arthur placed his wet jacket over the back of the chair before he slid down into the seat and let out a huge sigh. His pants were flecked with mud, and though the rain had drenched his clothes, it had not washed away the crimson splatters marring his white shirt.

“Are… are you alright?” you asked. Your voice was quiet, trembling with anxiety.

“I’m fine,” he said curtly. Then he looked at you, really looked at you, and his eyes softened. “Don’tchu worry darlin’. Most of the blood ain’t mine.”

The worried look remained on your face; he turned away, unable to say anything else.

You knew what he was thinking. He had been courting you for the past four months. You knew his life, what he did for a living. It wasn't like you had never seen him being the big scary enforcer; you had watched him save you, after all. 

But these last few months, you’ve also seen him as a kind, sweet gentleman. It was almost as if he had a split personality, and he hid his beast deep inside when he was with you. Whether in bed or otherwise, he treated you like a delicate doll and always touched you with the utmost reverence. Aside from the first time he took you to bed, he was tender and sweet.

However, you weren’t some wilting flower. You had seen Arthur at work, single-handedly tossing out trouble makers, lifting them up and chucking them outside as if they weighed nothing. 

And lately, his acts of violence in the name of protection have started to make you feel a bit… aroused. 

***

It started a couple weeks ago. One night, after singing backup for a few songs, you had taken a break at the bar. As you were sipping a glass of water, you noticed off to the side a few drunken men beginning to shove each other back and forth. 

Arthur had stomped up to them and barked at them to stop. When two of them didn't, he immediately put one into a headlock and casually walked him out the door. After flinging him outside like so much trash, he stalked back to the other man. His arms were flexing in his shirt as he walked, a deadly gleam in his eyes. 

The man had quickly backed down and left the bar. 

You, on the other hand, felt heated like the fires of hell and incredibly turned on by his predatory aura. You wanted to spread your legs for him and beg for him to dominate you. You could easily imagine him picking you up and carrying you over his shoulder, then taking you to the dressing room and locking the door behind him. In your fantasy, he sat you on the closest table before untying the halter top that kept your pencil dress from sliding down your body. He would make quick work of your strapless bra, freeing your breasts and cupping them in his big hands to tease your nipples until you whimpered in surrender. He'd slide your dress just far up enough to get at your panties, rip them open, and finger you until you came while panting his name. Then he'd free his massive cock from his pants and plunge inside of you, pumping his hips in wild abandon as the adrenaline from his previous fight made him no more than a seething whirlwind of lust and possession. 

In the midst of your heated reverie, you belatedly realized that Tilly had been trying to talk to you.

"You alright there? You're about to go back on stage with the others.” She tilted her head while looking at your face, noting the way your breath came out in quick, shallow puffs. “You want to sit this song out? I can let’em know you ain’t feelin’ well.”

Taking a deep breath, you smiled at Tilly. “I feel fine, just needed a moment to clear my head,” you lied. What you really needed was Arthur. But you had a job to do, so you finished your glass of water, and went back onstage to sing your heart out. Being a backup singer had its advantages: because the audience’s eyes were focused on the lead singer, you were free to stare as shamelessly at Arthur as you wanted. 

This time, he stared right back at you. The heat in his eyes blazed as a promise of things to come. At least, that’s what you had hoped.

That night he made the sweetest, gentlest love to you. His warmth wrapped you up like a cozy campfire. He treated you like his precious mafia princess and worshipped you not only with his hands and mouth, but his every action. Keeping his weight off you while shielding you from the world, he lifted you up and placed you on top of him to give you full control of his pleasure.

Normally you would be thrilled to hold power over this man, to act like a seductress taking what you wanted.

But that night, you felt unfulfilled for the first time.

***

Now, as you helped him take off his dirty shirt, you saw that he had a few cuts and bruises, and that some of the blood on his shirt was, in fact, his. 

“Go take a bath,” you ordered, pointing to the bathroom. “When you come out, I’ll treat your wounds.”

He nodded and went away quietly. You waited for him to come out, setting your first aid kit on the coffee table while you puttered around the apartment, cleaning up this and that.

When he came out of the bath with just a towel wrapped around his waist, you nearly had a heart attack. Drops of water were still clinging to his body. It was as if in his haste to come back to you, he hadn’t fully dried himself. His hair was damp, tendrils framing his face, droplets caressing the angle of his cheek and jaw. Arthur stood still for a moment as he stared at you, unsure of what to do.

“Sit down” you said sternly, swallowing down your bubbling lust before it overwhelmed you. He complied. His body language emulated that of a docile lamb as he obeyed, moving this way and that as you commanded. He remained quiet and barely winced as you cleaned his cuts. You gave him some time to collect himself as you finished wrapping up his minor wounds, but grew impatient when you had put everything away and he was still sitting in the same spot, sullenly staring into space. You knew you were being a little immature, wanting his attention right at this very moment, but all the times you had not voiced your need had built up far too much for far too long.

“Arthur.”

Your voice pulled his attention back; his eyes were clear and beautiful as he gazed at you. 

“Darlin’,” he murmured in that low, raspy tone that always sent a zing of pleasure along your spine.

You placed your hand on his heart. It was still beating a little too hard, a little too fast, as if some of the adrenaline from the fight was still coursing through his veins. You stepped closer.

“Wait,” he said, placing his hands lightly on your waist to stop you. “I… I ain’t in a good state of mind right now.”

“And what state is that?” you asked. Your body was screaming for his touch, specifically his strong, controlling touch, and it was getting hard to control yourself.

“I still got the heat of the fight in me. I might… I might not be as gentle as I should be.”

You blinked. “Should be?”

“I don’t want to hurt you,” he said quietly.

Frustration welled up in you, and though it had been hard to identify it before, you spoke without thinking. “Do you remember our first time? When you fucked me so hard I couldn’t walk for half a week?”

Arthur looked up at you with deep remorse. “I’m so sorry—”

You had enough. You slapped him.

“Don’t apologize! I want you to fuck me. I want you to grab me and twist my body to your liking! Just mount me like an animal and fuck me!” You were nearly screaming, drowning in dissatisfaction.

A silent moment passed. It was as if everything, even the rain, had stopped. You stared at him, speechless. The only sound you could hear was your own ragged breathing after your outburst. 

As the look on his face changed from initial shock to something darker, you realized that you had just slapped your lover: Arthur, the big, bad wolf. He may have been tamed by your hand for a time, but underneath it all, he was an intimidating man, a powerful man, a savage man. You knew he would never hurt you, but he was still much, much stronger than you.

“You need to be fucked. Is that it, darlin’?” he uttered in a low tone.

“Y-yes,” you said, picking your courage back up and jutting out your chin defiantly.

He only stared at you, not moving. The intensity of his gaze pinned you in place.

Then suddenly he lunged. Picking you up over his shoulder, he headed for the bedroom.

He unceremoniously dropped you onto your bed. Grabbing your ankles, he pulled you to the edge of the mattress. Your nightgown slid upwards over your hips as he spread your legs wide, exposing your slit to the cool air. As he stared between your thighs, you were sure he had noticed how wet you had become from his rough handling. 

“You want it that badly?” he asked in a husky voice.

“Yes!” you gasped, lifting your hips up desperately. You had never wanted him more, seeing his ragged breath, his nostrils flaring as if he were scenting his prey.

He slowly knelt down before you. His eyes never left yours until his face was between your thighs. “Beg me,” he whispered as he nuzzled your skin with his bearded jaw.

“Please, please, Arthur,” you breathed. “I need to be fucked.”

A feral grin appeared on his face before he dove in. His lips immediately found your core and sent you into overdrive. He pressed hard with his tongue, his lips surrounding you and sucking on you until you screamed with the intensity of it all. He broke away long enough to slip a finger inside of you before licking you again. His other hand reached beneath you to grab your ass and squeeze your flesh hard enough to bruise. Another finger pushed into you, then another, and he curled them upwards, brushing against your center from the inside.

“Oh my god, oh my god,” you cried out. Your hips moved on their own, jerking both away and towards his touch as you came hard on his fingers, coating them thoroughly. He kept pumping them until you let out a soft cry and collapsed on the bed, your head lolling to the side as you caught your breath.

Pulling his hand away, Arthur got up and dropped his towel. He took his cock in his wet hand and stroked himself a few times as he stared at your sated body.

“Git up on the bed,” he snarled.

When you were unable to comply, your body too soft and boneless to move, he grabbed you by the hip and flipped you over as he moved your body into the middle of the mattress, handling you like  a sack of grain. With your body prone, he mounted you and pressed the tip of himself against your entrance. He lowered himself to his forearms, his chest pressing against your back. He lightly bit the back of your neck before kissing a trail towards the shell of your ear. 

Then his hips moved, and he slowly slid inside of you with little resistance. All you could do is moan. This was what you wanted.

“That’s it, sweets,” he rasped. “You”—he hilted deep within you—“wanted this.”

Arthur lifted his hips and snapped them back, the sound of his hips slapping against your ass becoming a steady and heated rhythm. He rumbled softly into your ear, the sound vibrating against you through his chest while he pounded into you, until you felt like his rhythm and your heartbeat became intertwined. 

Was this what being fulfilled felt like? Drowning in euphoria, you felt as high as the stars. You gripped the sheets, moaning into your pillow with every thrust. You were like an addict, wanting nothing more than to be forever in his arms, enveloped in his heat, submitting to him in every primal way possible.

As you began to fall into an almost hypnotized state with his rutting, he suddenly stopped. Your small whimper was answered with a soft growl as he grabbed your hips and lifted you up onto your knees, your ass in the air. He plunged back inside of you, moaning as he stayed motionless, his cock twitching inside of you.

“Such a perfect ass,” he rumbled, gripping your rear with both hands and giving you a squeeze. Then he grabbed your arms and pulled you backwards, your back arching as your head lifted up.

“Beautiful,” he muttered as he reached up for the straps of your nightgown and pulled them down with haste, as if he couldn’t wait to take your breasts into his hands. He kneaded them, lightly pinching and teasing your nipples. One hand trailed upwards and reached for your neck, pulling you flush to his chest, his other hand pulling your clothes down further. You got the hint and pulled your arms out from the straps, and reached up to embrace Arthur, your fingers curling in his hair.

He gripped your jaw and moved your head to the side so he could kiss you. 

“Good girl,” he murmured as he pulled away from your lips. “Shoulda told me you needed this.”

Suddenly releasing you, he placed a hand on your back and bent you back down, your face in the mattress. He grabbed your nightgown, all bunched up at your waist, and used it as the reins while he fucked you mercilessly.

“Tell me what you need,” he thundered.

“I need you!” you shouted.

“And what do you need from me, darlin’?”

“Fuck me hard, please!”

A low growl of satisfaction was his only answer before he drove himself deeper and harder into you, his pace slowing and speeding up as he felt your body begin to tighten. He was drawing out your climax, dragging you along for his storm of lust, and you went with him willingly, letting him use your body as he pleased. 

Arthur began to move with more erratic breaths, a clear sign to you that he was getting close. You met his every thrust with one of your own, your desire spiraling to new heights. In your mindless lust, you could only whimper and moan wantonly. He leaned over you and whispered into your ear.

“Yer like an animal in heat, sweets. Is that how you want it?”

“Yes, yes, yes!”

Arthur gave a hum of approval and fell upon you, his hips pumping as he came deep inside of you. He moaned your name as his body crushed yours for a few moments before he rolled over onto his back, taking you with him. He reached down and stroked your core, his length still hard inside of you, his hips still moving slightly as he brought you to a second climax. 

“Fuck, feels good when you come around me,” he rumbled as you spasmed in his arms. As you cried out his name, he just murmured, “good girl, good girl.”

The wave of pleasure engulfed you and left you mindlessly floating. You let your body ride that wave until the very end, your desire sated. You felt truly fulfilled with a lightness in your heart that hadn’t been there in a long time.

Laying on his strong chest, your legs intertwined with his, the two of you caught your breath. You were incredibly, wonderfully, inexorably happy. 

***

In the morning, you woke up to find Arthur curled around you, as if he were shielding you from the world. You turned in his arms, and he immediately awoke.

“G’mornin’ sweets,” he said, his smile putting a boyish dimple on his face. Then his smile suddenly disappeared as he frowned and lines creased his forehead. “Did I hurt you?”

You glared at him “Arthur Morgan, if you start treating me like glass again, I swear I will slap you until your face is red from it.”

His eyes widened so much that you thought his eyebrows would disappear into his hair. “Apologies, my little songbird,” he said, although there was a lightness to his eyes that chased away the worry from before. “I never knew you had those kinds of… needs.”

You grinned at him. “You never asked.”

“You never told me,” he retorted.

“Fine, fine, we’re both at fault there,” you said. “From now on, I’ll tell you what I need.”

Arthur smiled, leaned in, and kissed the tip of your nose. “And I’ll give you whatever you ask for, darlin’.”

--------------------

End Notes: Hope that fulfills your request, @reddeaddufus!!! Also many thanks to @shootybangbang for your help in editing!

[redorich]

for the hermit canyon, i humbly request:

Etho messing with Karl and maybe like, Lazarbeam or Fundy, by pretending he’s moth man.

Quackity stalks through the woods, blissfully unaware of its other inhabitants-- not that he would care, if he knew. No, tonight, under the full moon (because it's romantic) he makes his move.

The Hermit, as Quackity is completely sure of, is a beautiful young woman with long flowing hair as white as snow. Because she is a creature of untold power and beauty, fairy tale logic obviously applies. Therefore, if Quackity can steal her clothes, she will have no choice but to marry him and they will live happily ever after as big booty bitches in love.

Nodding to himself, Quackity feels assured in his logic. He's wearing his favorite assless chaps, his best pair of knockoff Yeezys, and no shirt. He is ready for what is to come.

---

Karl lurks deep in the forest, illuminated only by the moon. He leans against a tree, taking care not to disturb his outfit-- he is camouflaged as a bush. Dangling strips of green and brown fabric cover his body, and his limbs are completely hidden in the costume so long as he stands still. It's a daunting task, standing still in the dark, dangerous woods at night. Nevertheless, Karl knows that this is what he must do.

"Triclops Mothman, my beloved," he whispers into the night. He will find Mothman, and he will marry Mothman. There is no alternative.

---

Far away from both Karl and Quackity, though still in the same spruce forest, Sapnap angrily prowls. Well, he'd describe it as a prowl. Truthfully, it's more of a pouty stomp. He knows that this forest has had multiple "Hermit sightings", and Sapnap wants-- no, needs what he's after.

"Hermit!" he screams into the night. "Come out and fight me, you little bitch! Man on man!"

To emphasize his point, he bangs a pot and a pan against each other several times. Sapnap is getting his revenge for that little ravager prank, one way or another.

---

Deep within the canyon walls, the Hermit complex looks like an overturned anthill with all its activity. It's Halloween night come early.

"I'm not wearing a dress," Etho insists.

Grian whines, "But Etho, I made it just for you! It matches Stress's outfit."

Stress, upon hearing her name, looks up from her book and waves. Cleo is currently fiddling with the thick mane of synthetic white hair Stress is wearing, styling the wig into a princess-y type braid.

"I'll say it again," Cleo says, looking very intently into Etho's eyes, "I could take your place."

"No," Etho sighs. "If what Puffy said about these guys is true, you'd probably bite someone's face off by the end of the night."

"You're no fun," Cleo huffs, but acquiesces.

"At least put on the wig," Grian demands.

Grian and Etho have a staring contest for a solid ninety seconds before Etho snaps his fingers in front of Grian's face, causing him to flinch and blink. "You cheater--!"

"I'll wear the wig," Etho interrupts Grian. Instantaneously, Grian loses his outraged moue.

Cleo sighs. "They're the same wig, right? Do I have to braid Etho's hair, too?"

"I think I'll be fine with my new flowing, luscious locks," Etho says with a humorous crinkle to his eyes.

They all laugh as Etho dramatically flips his fake hair, whipping himself in the face with it in the process. He also receives a thumbs up from Joe, who is in the process of searching for his contact lenses because "Herobrine doesn't wear glasses", according to Bdubs.

Night falls, and the Hermits are prepared. They hope their victims aren't.

---

Quackity catches a glimpse of silver-white after so long searching in the woods. With a little gasp, he eagerly pursues it. His beautiful maiden, ethereal and distant like the moon, darts between trees and leaps across creeks like she is flying, like her feet barely touch the ground.

He follows her to a clearing, but when he bursts through the brush into the open space, she is nowhere to be found.

“Mi rey!” he wails, “Fantasma hermosa! Come to papi!”

Etho, hiding in a tree about five feet away, has no clue what any of those words mean. He affects a terrible falsetto and throws his voice. “Hello, Quackity.”

Quackity jumps, looking around wildly for his beautiful girlboss queen. “Hermit?! You know my name?”

“Of course, Quackity,” Etho says, hefting a large rock in his hand. “Come closer, I have a cask of Amontillado we can share.”

Quackity turns toward Etho's voice just fast enough to catch a glimpse of the Hermit's mask, his (fake) long white hair, his decidedly not female appearance. Quackity looks the Hermit up and down. Etho has never felt more Perceived.

"What's a place like you doing in a guy like this?" Quackity says, flirtatiousness dripping from his voice.

Etho eyes the man's assless chaps with distaste from his crouched perch in a tree. Quick as lightning, he chucks the heavy rock in his hand at Quackity's head, knocking him out instantly.

Etho jumps down from his tree with a huffed sigh. "Well," he says, grabbing Quackity by the ankle and dragging him, "time to get to work."

---

"Pspspsps," Karl whispers, "heeeere Mothman..."

The sound of a twig snapping to his right makes Karl freeze, then turn ever so slowly. There's no one there. Karl holds his breath for what feels like an eternity, but is eventually forced to admit that the noise was probably just an animal. Surely, a creature of Mothman's size would make more noise when he walks, given the weight of his strong legs.

"Mothman," Karl says. "I wrote you a poem!"

Joe, who was up until this point hiding behind trees and ominously snapping twigs, feels a twinge of morbid curiosity. As a poet, he absolutely has to know what Karl considers an adequate love poem for Mothman.

With red cheeks, Karl professes his love:

"Your feelers make me feel so sweet

Your hindwings set my heart aflame

Fern-like antennae make me melt

And Mothman, you're to blame."

Despite himself, Joe is a little bit impressed. It almost makes him feel bad about what he's about to do-- almost.

A soft eerie glow seeps into the forest, catching Karl's eye. He investigates, creeping forward until he turns around a tree and sees glowing white eyes. He screams, but there is no sound, and the forest has disappeared. Only those eyes remain, and they too flicker out of existence.

There is a dim corridor ahead of him, narrow and lit by redstone torches. At the end, there is an iron door. He runs to the exit, but as soon as his hand touches the door it disappears and he is engulfed by swirling purple-- like a Nether portal, but so much more terrifying.

The purple is gone and he can just barely make out the menacing image of a man with glowing white eyes T-posing in the blackness. Karl opens his eyes and wakes up on the forest floor, prone and sore.

"Right," he mutters breathlessly to himself, "Mothman is not interested."

---

"--YOU BITCH ASS PUNK, I'M GONNA RIP YOUR LEGS OFF AND STICK 'EM ON YOUR HEAD!" Sapnap screams, banging the only pot he owns against a non-stick frying pan he stole from George.

"Well, that's not very nice, innit?" says a feminine voice. Sapnap looks left, right, behind him, up in the trees... then down.

Big brown eyes peer up at him through white bangs. A displeased pout set into a moon-pale face attached to an equally moon-pale woman chastises him without words.

"...You're the Hermit?" Sapnap says disbelievingly. He has his doubts that someone as small and pretty as this woman could wrangle a ravager onto his front lawn.

"You wanted a fight," she huffs. "And for the record, you totally had it coming, with Pamela's Revenge-- remember, the rava--"

"Yes, I know the ravager was named Pamela's Revenge! There were like eight hundred million death messages in chat about it, you jackass!" Sapnap snaps, trying to cover up his unease. It's not that he's hesitant to hit her because she's a girl; he would deck the shit out of Niki or Puffy with absolutely no provocation whatsoever. It's just that... she looks soft. Like a non-combatant. It would be too easy, too cruel--

Stress punches Sapnap in the jaw with a wicked right hook. "Stealing is wrong," she says.

While Sapnap is dazed and quite possibly mildly concussed, Stress follows up with a brutal kick to the shin. Sapnap makes a genuine effort to fight back, and he’s no slouch, but he’s been taken so thoroughly off guard that the best he can do with his head spinning as it is is to swing with a wild haymaker and hope it hits.

His fist makes contact with something soft and squishy. He hears a grunt, but Stress shoves him over onto the ground and dumps a bucket of glitter over his head. It burns his eyes, but more importantly it burns his pride. He doesn’t remember at what point he dropped his pot and pan (he must have at some point, because he punched the Hermit with an empty fist), but he’s angry enough to open his watery eyes through the magenta glitter and snatch George’s frying pan up off the forest floor, hurling it at the Hermit with devastating accuracy. She yelps, blocking with her forearm at the last moment.

“Knew I shoulda let Etho...” Sapnap hears the Hermit mutter. What’s an Etho?

Stress irritably bonks Sapnap on the head with the pan he threw at her. He goes limp like a ragdoll, and Stress sets about maneuvering his body into a sitting position leaned against a tree so she can do his makeup while he sleeps.

“Hope I don’t poke his eye out!” she says. “Ah well, he’s got two anyway. Now, should I go for a cute, summery look, or a dark evening look?”

---

In Atrium 1 of the Hermit Canyon complex, Puffy laughs loud and clear, clutching her paper cup tightly so she doesn’t spill her fruit punch. "No,” she chokes out, “he didn’t.”

Cub, holding a similar paper cup, waves his hand in a vague gesture. “Yep. That’s Etho for you. You know, one time he got Doc to run around with a snowman head on, eating spider eyes?”

“Oh man,” Puffy sighs, wiping a tear of laughter from the corner of her eye. “I’m so glad I snitched on Karl, Quackity, and Sapnap. I can’t wait to see their reactions!”

Cub grins evilly. “Stress got pictures before she left.”

Puffy gasps, stars in her eyes. “I’ll bake you a whole cake if you get me a copy.”

“I’ll bake Cub a whole cake if he gives them to me instead,” Grian interjects from across the room. “I don’t need them, I just want to take them from you.”

“Nooooo!” Puffy wails melodramatically. “Grian, please spare me!”

“Five diamond blocks,” Grian makes his demand.

Puffy continues to fake-sob, pretending not to notice Scar sneaking up on Grian until Scar drops an anvil on Grian’s head, like a Looney Tunes episode but slightly to the left. While Grian is distracted, Cub slips the pictures to Puffy, who puts them in her inventory without looking.

Etho walks into the Atrium, now dressed as his normal self, including his natural hair, which looks like an angry wet cat perched atop his head, just the way he likes it. Everyone cheers.

“So, how’d it go with Quackity?” Puffy asks with a smirk.

“Well...” Etho says.

---

Quackity wakes up with the sun in his eyes. In front of him is the public Nether portal, and standing right in front of it is a wide-eyed Sam, staring directly at him. Quackity looks down.

He’s naked, covered in half-dried honey, and tied to a pole like the world’s sexiest flag. And he’s got the world’s worst hangover-- it feels like he’s been hit in the head with a large rock.

“Not again,” he groans.

“...This happens often?” Sam asks.

“If I had a nickel for every time something like this has happened,” Quackity says, wiggling his way out of the ropes tying him to the pole, “I’d have enough money to go buy myself a pair of pants.”

Sam averts his eyes to the sky, abruptly aware of exactly why Quackity would feel the need to buy a pair of pants.

“Damn it,” Quackity says. “Those were my favorite pair of assless chaps.”

“Were they now,” Sam says numbly. The sky is quite blue today, it’s rather beautiful.

Quackity huffs in aggravation, finally having freed himself from his binds. “Yeah, they just don’t make ‘em like they used to, you know?”

“Not really, no,” Sam says slowly. “I wouldn’t know much about-- assless chaps.”

The naked man shrugs. Haltingly, Sam unclasps his cape, pulling it off his shoulders and offering it to Quackity.

“Nah,” Quackity says, “I’ll just streak.”

“Please don’t,” Sam says with pain in his eyes.