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itsbiablr · 4 years ago

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How I’m still caught up with my EX, But I’m currently in a relationship

After I broke up with him 2 years ago. I think I made the wrong decision

“I am still holding on to that promise you gave me that night”

Over the past year, when the Pandemic started. I have contemplated a lot of things. What my life had turned out to be if I haven’t left him? If only I am courageous and contented enough to fight for the love, we have despite the distance we had to endure. There are so many questions in my head, regretting all my decisions in the past.

I am a very strict person. Like everything must be perfect, everything must be in order. And everything should go my way, talking to me with more sense. A single mistake will make me leave instantly.

I met him on Instagram. But he says he saw me on Tinder

“Too bad I already uninstalled the app; I wouldn’t see you swiped right” I said

He just smiled.

I was so amazed at how one foreign national would make me interested in conversing straight English back-and-forth. And my perception with Indians: to be perverts, well (all of them are, but it depends if they will be sensitive enough to feel they are already crossing the line). The topics we had didn’t end. I liked how he was so quick-witted with anything I would ask or anything we’d talk about, which I never felt before and was surprised a bit.

4 days into talking, he already popped the question

“Tiffany, would you like to be my girl?”

without any hesitations, I said “I would love to”

On our 2nd month of long-distance dating, Harsh mentioned that he is coming home from the sea (he is a seaman by profession). And asked permission if it's okay that he will be visiting the Philippines to be with me before going back to India. Hearing that made me thrilled, excited, but a bit nervous since this is my 1st ever to entertain a foreigner.

But I immediately said “sure, no problem. See you in a month”

He even planned to bring me back to India since it was “Holi” or Color Festival there that time. My passport, my Visa application was almost finished. And all I had to do was tell him, Yes and he will be getting a plane ticket for me already.

“All I reason out was I was still new at work. I couldn’t leave so easily”

November came. He went to the Philippines together with his two seniors and went straight to Cebu. He was so pissed that he decided not to talk to me for two weeks for exploring Cebu and Bohol (for not joining him on the trip). Since his seniors had only a week for the trip, he stayed alone for that remaining week all to himself. I have already thought of lots of nasty things. Thinking he was with another girl since he wasn’t talking to me anymore.

On the day of his flight back home. He texted me on WhatsApp “You are lucky my flight got canceled, and I have a layover in Manila and will leave the day after tomorrow”

I replied “Thank God I still have a few hours to see you and be with you”

“See you in a bit” He said.

With no rest, and just got out from work at 7 am. I went home right away to fix myself and get some things and fetched Harsh at the airport. I felt so overwhelmed, thinking that this guy went here to be with me. We booked a hotel nearby so he could rest, then we will be heading out for some dinner.

Months have passed, and we are still together. The year 2019 came, but something felt different. Harsh became distant. And would not talk to me for weeks, then comes back just to let me know that it was okay and was just out with friends. It didn’t feel right. It did go for months

Then I met this guy, well he is my teammate. But I never really thought of us being together since I wasn’t into guys like him, and I am still in a relationship. Since it was just a virtual relationship with the Indian guy, I thought that “Kalu is already over me” (I call him Kalu, which means monkey). We haven’t talked for a month now. And thought that it’s going to be safe for me to entertain other guys since I felt that it wasn’t that serious between us with the virtual thing

So, I entertained Daryl. We’d go on dates. We’d go to lunch together at work and would sit beside each other every day. Everything that I wanted to do with Kalu, I was doing it with Daryl. He gives me all the attention and effort as a boyfriend that I was longing for, for that little amount of time we spent together. I have already forgotten about Kalu

I was still with Kalu while all of these happened. We reconciled. He found out about Daryl, but I just told him that we were just friends because he said he will try to be better and will make it up to me

After a month of seeing each other behind Harsh back, I noticed that I had missed my period. So weird to think since I’m not late during my period.

I told Daryl, bought a pregnancy kit

And it came out positive...

It was a bit hard telling our families that I was pregnant that we had to go thru misunderstandings that I had to stay at Daryl's in the meantime. Still kept this secret from Harsh, thinking why would he care. He couldn’t even give me time to ask how my day went

A week later, a few days after my birthday, Kalu confronted me. He asked me what the reel score of our relationship. He sent all screenshots of our conversation and our pictures together that Daryl sent him as proof that we are dating

I was caught off guard ...

I had to let him know...

I told him that I wanted to break up with him because I want to be with Daryl. After all, he makes me happy different from him. Still, I didn't tell him that I was pregnant with Daryl's child. I don't know how to.

I went to the doctor that week and found out that I was already nine weeks pregnant. I was so happy to know that there will be a tiny human being in my belly that will be growing anytime soon. But I was told by my doctor that the child does not fit well. Don't stress too much

Sometime after that Kalu texted me out of nowhere and said “I miss you, please come back”

I just ignored this message and went off with my life since my happiness was overflowing

But then after 2 weeks, I had a miscarriage. Due to overworking

I was devastated. My doctor advised me to get two months to rest. I was all alone. I had some thoughts, and Kalu went straight into my head and checked my messages

He sent me a message again

Asking me if I’m okay, and I miss you

But still I ignored them

And he will be messaging me every month

Just to ask how I have been, why did I leave him like that, what did he do to make me leave him, that he still loves me and he wants me to come back

After 6 months of constantly messaging me, I have had enough and told him what happened

Me getting pregnant, having a miscarriage, and having an uncomfortable life with Daryl

Kalu and I exchanged messages for over a month behind Daryl’s back. I was ready to leave him, thinking that I will be in a better situation now that I am no longer carrying Daryl's child, that I am free at last “Come with me in Australia” he said, “We will start a new life”

I didn’t reply. I don’t know what to say.

After what I did to him, he was still willing to accept me in his life

But in my head ‘I am not 100% sure that he won’t be doing what I did to him before’

And thought about Daryl and the love and sacrifice he has given me this past few month

So, what I did is I ghosted Kalu and blocked him on all of my social media’s again

I only forgot to block him on messenger since his account was already on my spam folder

But nevertheless, he never stopped messaging me for a year

After some time, I unblocked him thinking he already moved on because it showed in his Facebook profile that he was already in a relationship. I, on the other hand, felt contentment with the simple life I have with Daryl.

But there was something inside me that was still waiting for him to message me again

I was right

He messaged me again and again

But this time it made me reply right away, since I have had enough

I have confronted him so that he can stop messaging me, and since he already has a girlfriend. Our dream together has to end here.

“If we are meant to be together in the future, we will be” I said

“Fuck destiny! I want you, I love you please don’t do this to me again” he said

“Why can’t you understand that me and Paul are already happy with each other? I thought you already have a girlfriend. Can’t you at least be happy with her?”

“That’s the problem with you Tiffany, you just assume everything”

“What do you mean?”

“You assumed that I already have a girlfriend just because of a Facebook status, just like how you assumed that I will not accept you just because I found out that you dated Paul behind my back and got pregnant”

“You didn’t tell me. Even if you did, we will still find a way to resolve the issue”

“But I got pregnant”

“Are you still?”

“No”

“See you we’re so selfish, and kept on shutting me off”

“You kept hiding secrets from me, and when I found out you will just walk out of my life and didn’t gave me any reason what was wrong”

“You didn’t even ask if I was okay”

“I’m sorry”

“But I am still willing to start again with you”

“I really am sorry, but I can’t”

“I think this is the last time I will ever talk to you”

“It’s okay, I just hope that you will find happiness and always take good care of yourself. I will forever love you, goodbye”

“It's been 2 years, but I’m still holding on to that promise you gave me that night”

#love ex story complicated

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advrik · 8 years ago

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A Farmer’s Recollection ~ Harvest Moon 20th Anniversary Celebration :: Part 3 [2000]

If you’d like to read the previous two parts, you can find them below: Part 1 | Part 2

Man it has been a trip writing up these recollections thus far. Digging up a bunch of memories that I hadn’t thought about in years. Good times, and the best hasn’t even come. The year of 2000 for me was probably my favorite year of all time as I have so many memories looking back at it and so many great things happened.

It was also the year that my all-time favorite Harvest Moon game was released.

Spring 2000

Life was great. I was 12-years old, full of energy and living life by the second. I had a brand new camcorder, a copy of Harvest Moon 64 and I... was sharing a room with my 3 siblings. Granted it was the largest room in the house by far and we kept it divided up between the boys and girls but I was still lacking my own space.

What little I could call my own was atop the brand new set of bunkbeds that our parents bought for us with their tax refund. They were made of metal and were pipe-based; The posts that made up the head and foot boards were capped off by little plastic caps that you could remove, granting you access to the inside which was wide enough to stick your arm down, so naturally I used this as a place to store things. Cramming an old shirt halfway down to create shelf of sorts, I began storing candy and other junk down there. I ended up stuff

At one point, there was travel ban between the four of us. We were restricting each other from venturing onto our beds. This came after I tried building a bridge between two ofthe beds. Obviously not my best idea.

My adventures in Harvest Moon 64 continued on. I was now at that point where I was done with the story and just hammering away at making a really nice looking farm and collecting recipes. But even though I had only owned Harvest Moon 64 for just a month, I was already beginning to feel the hype for an upcoming release that recently had made its presence known.

We were getting Harvest Moon on Playstation!!!

Though news was scarce and only a few screenshots were available at the time, I still remember how excited I was over this. I loved my Nintendo 64 sure, but my console of choice for that generation was the Playstation as it was where all the RPGs were.

The two earliest screenshots released for the game were these below (Courtesy of HMFarm.com)

The boat screenshot in particular filled my mind with wonders and excitement; Were we going to be able to travel to the city at long last? Could we take it out and fish for deep sea fish? WHAT COULD IT MEAN???

I discussed the game and what new features it could bring to the table extensively with my sister. I say extensively, but she wasn’t nearly as interested in the games as I was. One such subject I brought up - and I have this on tape even - was my hope for a butcher system where you could send your livestock off to have them turned into meat products that you could cook with. An idea that I just up until last year thought I’d get with Stardew Valley, but that’s not important right now.

Aboard the hype train, but considerably way more sane in how I was going about it. Partly in thanks to having just bought Harvest Moon 64 fairly recently. That, couple with everything else that was going to be coming out that year really helped.

Summer 2000

More and more info trickled out about the game over the coming months. Things like how it used the same characters from Harvest Moon 64, but changed their personalities around/who they were related to/what they did. The legendary fish, asking Harvest Sprites for help. All of it just sounded so cool, but nothing as cool as the new cooking system that was being implemented. No longer were the recipes that you earned from villagers just collectables. You could cook now, using various ingredients and utensils. I thought that was the coolest thing ever.

It’s a huge shame that the cooking system would get progressively worse as the series went on, like many of the elements that made the series great. It has been slowly approaching dating sim levels with tacked on watered down farming systems.

I had such a blast through the summer of 2000. I would spend my days either hammering away with Harvest Moon 64, even going back to Harvest Moon GB for another playthrough.

The music on the radio at the time was phenomenal and still something I listen to this very day, in my very own “Greatest Hits” collection called Definitive 2000, which currently boasts over 150+ songs; ranging to everything from NSync and Beastie Boys to Creedence Clearwater Revival and Saliva. It took years to build, but it fills me with incredible nostalgia every time I listen to it. Now I bet you’re wondering though why the likes of CCR would be a thing on the radio in 2000, well I’ll tell you: I wasn’t overly picky about what I’d listen to and I developed an ear for golden oldies thanks to my father, so I enjoyed listening to the older stuff as much as I did the modern hits. And yes, there’s a video game music folder too.

Pokemon was its peak, with the first movie hitting VHS earlier that year and the second movie featuring brand new Gen 2 Pokemon set to hit theaters that summer and the new installments in the games - Pokemon Gold and Silver Versions - later that year.

Pokemon wasn’t the only ‘Mon on the street that year. Digimon had aired the previous August on Fox Kids, and it had gained enough steam to warrant a whole slew of toys, clothing items and cards. There was even a video game at the time: Digimon World on the Playstation. And in October of 2000, it was receiving its first movie, which was super cool. I enjoyed the Digimon anime far more than I ever did Pokemon’s, and with Digimon 02 starting that August - nearly a year after the series initially aired in the US - it was a good time to be a fan of little collectible monsters.

RIP Monster Rancher.

Another great event that happened that year was that we got an actual Japanese Godzilla movie in theaters, nationwide! It was the first time I had ever seen Godzilla on the big screen(not counting GODZILLA from 1998, which wasn’t the REAL Godzilla). I had been a Godzilla fan all my life, so that was some wild stuff seeing him on a huge theater screen after so long. I was mesmerized from start to finish. That night, after we got home from the theater we did some night swimming in our pool and recreated scenes from the movie with my nephew and sister.

Holiday Season 2000

Unlike with the previous release, I was more versed and knowledgeable on the gaming industry and was keeping up on release dates and whatnot. I guess in a way, this was also the year that gaming really became something for me that would amount to more than just a simple pass time.

The month of November that year was pretty hype. Final Fantasy IX was launching early in the month and I already had that on my Christmas list to Santa, in addition to Resident Evil 2 and 3. I had in my possession $60 from my grandmother which she gave use each year to pick something out for Christmas, which would then go under the tree - wrapped up - and not be touched until Christmas Eve.

Each trip out to Wal-Mart and K-Mart ended much in the same way as the trips for Harvest Moon 64. Finally, after a few failed attempts and locating it in stores, my father finally caved in and we made our first online purchase ever in the two years since we obtained a PC and the internet, and it was for Harvest Moon: Back to Nature. I mean, there could have been worse things that could have had as first purchases, am I right?

And so the great wait began once more. The game was in my possession in a way, but I had no patience in waiting for it to be delivered. Every day was grueling. I’d sit by and wait for the mail to come, watching the mail man or lady reach their hand out to the mailbox to place mail inside and hoping that within their grasp would be a small box or envelope.

Weekends devolved into me sitting in my room, on my bed, complaining and listening to music. I could only assume that it was the holiday season that was holding up the delivery as mail was quite frantic that time of the year and delays happened, but knowing that did not help me. I was impatient and wanted my game NOW, knowing that I couldn’t actually HAVE it once it did arrive because it had to be wrapped up and placed under the Christmas tree.

On a following trip to Wal-Mart one night, we walked back to the video games once again and guess what? It was there. Wal-Mart had actually stocked Harvest Moon: Back to Nature. But that wasn’t all they had, oh no! They also had Harvest Moon GBC2 as well. To say that I felt disappointed would be an understatement. I was crushed, knowing they had actually stocked it while I was waiting for MY copy to come in the mail, now a week and a half out since placing the order. The rest of that night was miserable.

It wasn’t until the first week of December. Nearly three weeks since placing the order, that my beautiful baby arrived in the mail. I was playing a rental copy of Majora’s Mask at the time (and failing miserably at it). It was the most beautiful thing, in its pristine jewel case beneath the cellophane wrapping. The beautiful booklet slash cover art screamed “Intense farming action” to the now 13 year old me as of the previous September. I begged and begged if I could just demo it slightly for that night and that night alone before wrapping it. I wanted to see what it played like, what the music was like and how the cooking system worked.

And do you know what I did after my mother caved and let me try it? I fired up my Gameshark with an unlimited money code and I CHEATED. It was the only way I was going to be able to experience what I wanted to experience within the short amount of time I was alloted. I achieved it too, upgrading my house and nabbing a few utensils in order to do some cooking. It was amazing two hours, and I almost missed dinner over it, but I eventually caved and wrapped the game up and placed it under the tree, which sat in the corner of the den beside the big TV.

The remainder of the month was delightful. I discovered Green Day as a new musical interest with the premiere of their ‘Minority’ music video. Outlaw Star began airing on Cartoon Network towards the end of the month, a show that would go on to become my all-time favorite. Towards Christmas we even got some snow, which was cool. That didn’t and still does not happen very often.

December 24th arrived and I spent the morning preparing for my oldest sister and my nephew to visit. Planning to roleplay some Dragon Ball Z and whatnot and show him the newest Harvest Moon game.

Christmas day finally came and I was treated to a bunch of nice gifts. Including some more blank VHS tapes for my camcorder, Resident Evil 2 and 3. Some more Dragon Ball Z stuff, and of course, Final Fantasy IX. Even got the new Green Day album and a portable CD player! Sadly the fun and excitement of Christmas morning was cut short, as during the opening segment of Final Fantasy IX, I developed a killer migraine that put me out of commission for much of the day.

Once I recovered, I was up to my neck in RPG and farming goodness. An awesome year was topped off by an awesome Christmas. Final Fantasy IX, Harvest Moon, Outlaw Star, good music. Not to mention the awesome roast beef Christmas dinner my mother made that night.

And so concludes part 3 of my little trip into the past. Expect two more parts throughout the year, in slightly less detail. After Back to Nature, things started getting spotty with what I bought and played, even going for several years without picking up a single game.

Thanks for reading!

#harvest moon #natsume #story of seasons #xseed #marvelous #harvestmoon20th #recollection #nostalgia #gaming #playstation #nintendo #article

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