#i had such an awful week and am constantly on the verge of crying but these are grateful tears thank you | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

jjkyaoi · 4 years ago

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i’m once again, handling you these cutely. (note; this turned into just bedrock bro’s hc’s but ykw i think that’s pretty valid)

• surprisingly, he’s always been good at doing hair / styling hair? he’s been good at braids, ponytails, buns; he’s always been good at it because he used to practice it in techno’s hair. it was something that used to just be a habit that he did when he was bored, but back in pogtopia he used to mess around w/ techno’s hair more for comfort than anything else. he always use to put little braids in techno’s hair, and when he wasn’t messing around with it he’d always lecture techno about how Awful he was at taking care of it, because he was. he’d always give him tips on how to take care of it better, and even though techno didn’t know what it meant he’d always listen; eventually he’d start to seek out tommy himself just to mess around w/ his hair—it was soothing for both of them.

TOMMY: don’t you know how to take care of your fuckin’ hair? it’s all knotted and gross!

TECHNO, whos spent most of his life being a potato farmer; :)

• in addition to this, he’s surprisingly good at things like hygiene & he gives good advice on things like fashion (note; i know cc!tommy wears like the same shirt every day but shh let me have this), so back in the earlier days of l’manberg he’d always hang out w/ niki and they’d always speak about things like hair and clothes and stuff, and she’d sometimes even let niki do his hair, even if it was too short to really do anything special. it was their little sessions where they’d gossip about everyone else in l’manberg, & they wouldn’t ever let anyone else in there. wilbur constantly tried to follow them but he’d always have to be forcably pushed out.

NIKI; did you hear what fundy did yesterday?

TOMMY, doing her nails, nodding; yeah. he’s such a dumbass

NIKI; he just doesn’t understand

TOMMY; mhm 🙄

• when he was younger he always used to have a shit ton of stuffed animals. he’ll deny this for hours & hours on end, but his bed used to make up of stuffed animals. he’d name every single one of them, he’d use to make little clothes for them to wear, he’d always carry them around and whenever he was separated from them he’d always cry and throw a fit. his favorite stuffed animal was a plush cow named henry, and he was shit at taking care of it; henry went through hell and back, and in the end he ended up losing it. he hid in his room for weeks and refused to come out of pure grief.

• also when he was younger, he always used to put on plays for wilbur, techno, and phil. he’d always craft his own little tools, like a fake sword, a fake cape, a fake shield, and he’d put on a little show with his stuffed animals as his characters. he’d used to have notes written in crayon about the plot and the characters backstories that was practically unintelligible, and he’d always be the hero saving the day. he’d sometimes even pull techno into it, and he’d make him be the villain with a cartoon mask held by string that barley fit his face.

TECHNO, walking out into the living room: i don’t want to be here.

TOMMY, holding his sword triumphantly; you fiend! i’ve cornered you! there’s nowhere to run!

PHIL; you’ve been concerned techno. you better back down

TECHNO; he’s a 6 year old, phil. whats he gonna do—

TOMMY, immediately wacking him directly in the stomach with his sword;

• when tommy started living with techno, the first gift he ever gave him was the fake red cape tommy used to play pretend in. it wasn’t big enough for him, and it was ripped and covered in scribbles of crayon, but tommy was too touched by the fact that he even kept it to care about the quality.

TOMMY: you—you kept my cape?

TECHNO: yeah. it’s—it’s the first thing that inspired my cape,,..

TOMMY, on the verge of tears; my stupid stories are the reason behind your cape? that’s so—

TECHNO, immediately wacking him on the head with the fake sword: shut up.

• techno didn’t ever tell anyone, but the reason he’d made his cape almost identical to the one tommy had was because he wanted to be the hero that tommy created that he loved so much.

• tommy’s always been frustrated whenever he couldn’t get something right on the first try; he’s always been sort of,,.. hard on himself? and whenever he messes up he always ends up getting angry and refusing to do any more work. it’s something that’s in his mind that tells him he won’t ever succeed, so he just doesn’t want to try. the only person who’s ever been able to get him to continue trying his techno. anyone else, when they’d try to rally his spirits it would just end up in an argument, but techno’s the only person who’s been able to successfully get through to him.

TOMMY; this—this is stupid. i don’t even want to try anymore, it’s—i can’t do anything-

TECHNO; you know that’s not true, tommy.

TOMMY; it’s not?! i fucking failed, techno, what else am i supposed to do—

TECHNO: try again.

TOMMY: but-

TECHNO: i’ll help you. just try again. you won’t ever succeed if you don’t try.

TOMMY, grumbling: like you’re all wise...

TECHNO: i am :]

• tommy and techno’s favorite thing to do together is train. when tommy was younger techno didn’t go as hard; he’d always use to let his little brother win in fear of actually hurt him, and he couldn’t always erase the satisfied feeling he got when tommy beamed whenever he’d “won”. even if he’d purposely tripped over his feet.

TOMMY, standing over techno’s body, sword in hand: i beat you!!! :DDD

TECHNO, gently picking him up and putting him on his chest: you beat me. whatever will i do. you’re just too strong.

TOMMY, bonking him on the head with the sword; that’s right >:D

• though, when tommy started living with techno again he didn’t let himself go as easy on him. he’d seen the way that tommy wanted to be stronger— didn’t want to be as easy to control, so he’d figured that training him would be the right way to go. he’d frequently knock tommy on his ass and he’d have to hold back his laughter when tommy got up with a scowl cause he just couldn’t win.

TOMMY: what the fuck! this isn’t fair! i always used to beat you when i was younger??

TECHNO, knowing full well that wasn’t the truth: you’ve gotten worse :)

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heavywithourbabies · 3 years ago

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Ten pounds, One week

She couldn’t sleep. She tossed and turned (well as best as she could) and tried everything she could think of to put her mind at ease but she just couldn’t sleep. It was too much. All of it was too much. Her whole body was aching and sore, the slightest movement causing more discomfort. Even in their bed, the place she loved most, the mattress was an unforgiving rock to her body. The pillows far too soft without any support. Even the body pillow felt stiff and rigid against her. “10 pounds” she thought, over and over again. “10 pounds”. Then the other thought came. The one she was trying so hard to keep away. The one that caused her the most frightful heart racing anxiety she had ever felt. One more week. The baby kicked slightly and she whimpered. Rubbing her aching belly to try and sooth him, but it only prompted more movement under her taut flesh. Her husband snored next to her and she was on the verge of tears. Her whole body felt like a prison at this point. Completely trapped in this cumbersome and awkwardly huge body, she couldn’t find any relief. It all was too much. It hurt too much. She took a deep breath in and told herself it would be over soon. That this would all be worth it. She closed her eyes and tried to drift off but then the baby kicked again. Hard. She couldn’t help but moan in pain as the thought struck her again. “10 pounds. One week.” The baby kicked her again almost in her cervix and she cried out, unable to hold back the tears which had been building almost all night.

He woke up next to her, hearing her sobs. He was still half asleep but knew the sound of his wife in pain, and it broke his heart. He turned to her back in bed and started rubbing it. “Baby” he said “What’s wrong?”

She buried her face deeper in the pillow and cried harder. He kept rubbing her back and cuddled up close to her, her bare skin hot to the touch. “Honey, please. Tell me.” He said with genuine concern and love for her.

“It’s everything” she said between cries. “It’s everything that’s happened to me, it’s what’s going to happen, it’s what’s happening…” He gently put his hand on her shoulder. “Baby, please, I don’t understand what you’re saying – “he began before she looked at him with tears running down her face. She swallowed and started to say “it’s the – “but then the baby kicked her again, or perhaps punch was the better word since he was upside down. She yelped and threw the blankets back to expose herself.

“It’s THIS!!” She cried, looking at her body.

She had always had a bit of an hourglass figure with well-rounded curves and even with a few extra pounds she was attractive but the pregnancy had taken that from her. In her mind she felt altered. Helpless in this state. Almost mutated……into this. Her hips flared in pain as she turned on her back and tried to sit up against the pillows. They had separated a bit and the awful weight of it all wore down on her pelvis. She felt as if a bowling ball was sitting right atop of her vagina. Which was also aching and taken from her in the pregnancy. In her mind it used to be a small cute thing with pretty floral lips that she could spread and play with. Now it was thick and fatty. Meaty and big. Her lips bulged out, deep and dark, and she couldn’t stand to wear underwear anymore as the hamburger that was her crotch would constantly leak and ruin everything. It was obscene to her. Her most private feminine parts exaggerated into cartoonish proportions. Her thighs ached from carrying all the extra weight and her ass…. she had always been proud of it being big and she knew her husband loved it but now it was huge and plump. Something anyone could notice and stare at. Her breasts once a double d had swollen twice their size. Small stretch marks adorned the underside of them and veins could be seen under the thick flesh. They became heavy and hurt. Aching with milk for the baby. Her areolas were dinner plates now, dark and huge. Her nipples stood painfully erect as drops of milk throbbed out of their ducts. All of her womanly curves distorted and blown up. But the worst…. The worst was her belly. It hung low as the baby dropped recently and was almost hanging off her wide hips. The belly dominated her, huge and unforgivingly heavy. It was dense and packed so full with her huge 10-pound baby in her swollen womb. The skin was pulled painfully taut and hurt all the time, while the heavy weight made it throb. In the beginning and middle of pregnancy she had loved her “bump” but now…. It was like she was just arms legs and tits attached to a giant sphere. Angry red stretch marks laid claim to her belly flesh and her belly button jutted out. That even hurt. Her belly button hurt.

“Look at me” she wailed. “look what’s happened to me!” Her husband could tell by her tone she had obviously let herself spiral out in her thoughts. He would need to do something.” I’m a huge circus freak now!” she cried.

“Well you are a bit bigger than a house” he said with a smile hoping to get her to laugh.

She wasn’t having it.

“I’m bigger than a house.” She started up again with fresh tears in her eyes. “I’m bigger than a beached whale. Look at my body. I can’t stand it. I can’t stand being inside of all…. THIS!” She patted her belly for emphasis and as she did her breasts began to openly leak. “Oh God…… even my tits…. it hurts….” She heaved her heavy body to the side with her back to her husband and cried big salty tears that blurred her vision.

He had been staring at her as she went on. In fact, he couldn’t take his eyes off of her. It was slightly embarrassing for him. Here she was in pain and he was- well- he was getting hard. The sight of his wife carrying his baby turned him on like nothing else. All of her beautiful curves were only womanlier and more feminine to him. She was radiant. She was beautiful. She was a fertility goddess made real. He rubbed her back softly as she cried while the sight of her big heart shaped ass made him ache for her.

“The baby is 10 pounds.” She sniffled. “10 pounds. How am I supposed to push that out in a week? What will I look like after that? Even worse? Feel even worse? I’ll just be hanging skin and a floppy belly with ugly stretch marks and- “

She stopped as she felt his big warm hands go from her back to her aching breasts. He was fondling them gently. But it hurt. He grazed a leaking nipple and tugged on it slightly and she let out a hiss of pain. “Don’t” She said. He returned his fingers to her nipples and lightly grazed them, playing with them slowly in circular motions. They felt raw to his touch. “Don’t, please – “She began again and then felt him pressing his hardness against her soft ass.

“Do you have any idea how beautiful you are?” he asked as he started to grind himself against her backside. “Do you have any clue how sexy you are like this?”

“Please, I know you’re lying – “She was about to let defeat wash over her and then her husband pulled open her thighs and without checking with her, drove himself in. She couldn’t help but cry out. Her fat, swollen pussy was already wet from being so pregnant and he took full advantage.

“I want you to stop thinking about yourself like that.” He said “in fact, I don’t ever want to hear those words come out of your mouth again.” His grip on her breast tightened forcing her to spurt out milk and then his hand was climbing up her slender neck. The strong fingers wrapping around her throat. “Do you understand what I’m telling you?” he asked as he slowly thrusted into her. His grip around her neck tightened. “Don’t ever talk like that.”

Despite her misery, she felt herself opening up to him. Felt herself grow slicker to his driving in and out. “yes” she said in a small voice.

He thrusted in as deep and as hard as could and just kept himself rigid there, impaling her on his thick cock. His grip was like iron on her throat. “Say it again” he demanded.

“Yes” She said as best as she could with his hand clamped on her neck and felt herself almost gushing on his cock. The baby kept moving, searching for any spare space inside her belly. “You are the sexiest fucking thing I have ever seen carrying this baby.” Her husband said as he started to thrust in faster. Her big ass pressing against him, trying to keep him at bay. “you have never looked sexier than you do right now, big and ripe with my baby.” Despite her large behind, he kept plowing deep in her. There was pain as he went and her body still ached but a warm feeling kept building in her belly. She felt her nipples straining hard as trails of pre-milk made their way down her swollen chest. “You are my fucking fertile sex goddess.” He said with dominance and she could hear how wet she was stretching around his cock. “I am your- “she tried to speak but the warm feeling was becoming a fire inside her now, rising through her massive swollen belly and to her chest. She felt wave after wave of it hitting her deep in her core. She ached. She hurt. But she also knew he wasn’t lying. His need and desire for her were overwhelming. She felt light again. Almost her old self. If wasn’t lying –

Her husband started drilling into her faster. His balls hitting her clit as he went.

“If he wasn’t lying -”

“Tell me what you are!” He whispered hotly in her ear. His lower arm wrapped around her belly protectively.

“If he wasn’t lying” she thought and felt herself nearing the crest of something good and wonderful. “I am YOUR sex goddess” She gasped. She took his hand on her belly and pressed it tighter so he could feel his baby kicking. The sheets under her chest were soaked now and she felt herself almost drooling between her legs. “Feel me” She said as she rubbed her belly with her husband. “Feel how big and swollen I am for you.”

Her husband grunted and she knew he was close. So was she.

“Feel how heavy I am.” She purred. “how heavy I am with him.”

“Heavy with who” he demanded again in between sharp inhales of breath.

“Heavy with YOUR baby.” She answered in. a husky voice and she felt him go rigid inside of her. Her soft swollen walls could feel his cock throb and twitch deep inside her hot cunt. She felt herself tip over the edge as the first spurt of his warm cum hit her walls. She moaned in ecstasy as her husband, the man she loved, the man who found her sexy no matter what, shot rope after rope of hot cum deep in her core.

The two stayed locked into place like that for what felt like a long time. Neither of them talking. She almost thought he was asleep when the baby kicked again and she felt his big hand rub the spot of movement, trying to soothe his son. She still worried. She still had the anxiety. Her body still ached and felt wretched. But for the moment, she could take it. And in a week she would meet her baby boy. She thought about the labor and the feeling of finally giving him to her husband to hold and she smiled. “10 pounds. One week” she thought and closed her eyes.

#pregnancyfetish #pregnantfetish #pregnanterotica #pregnancyerotica #heavywithmybabies

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mooshys · 3 years ago

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zara employee!AU futakuchi

content: me trying to be funny, retail headcanons

word count: 2.0k

a/n: ah yes, so winter (@/wackatoshi) and I planned out this entire mall universe for the hq boys and it’s the funniest thing to think about. y’all know those rude zara employees at the mall who judge you as soon as you walk in and tell you that “everything’s out on the floor already” when you ask for a size up? and all the racks on the floor are in shambles? that’s what inspired this. not sure if another installment will be added to this, but whatever! for reference, the other employees: oikawa, ennoshita, kuroo, hanamaki.

the worst person to work with... ever

he completely fits the stereotype of zara employee

will go on his lunch break, but “accidentally” forget to clock out, so he’s still earning cash for eating his sandwich in the back. also prolongs his breaks by at least 5 minutes

can never be found when there’s a rush. and by the time they DO find him, the store is completely empty

comes in late, but leaves as soon as his shift ends

never comes to the store on his days off and whenever the managers text him asking if he can pick up a shift he says he’s “busy”

everyone knows it’s a lie. one time ennoshita, the manager, went on his break and saw futakuchi buying a pretzel at the auntie anne's from the mall food court even though he texted ennoshita like thirty minutes ago that he already had important plans for the day. futakuchi made direct eye contact with him as he took a bite into his pretzel, not the least bit apologetic about lying

all his coworkers wonder how he still has this job

spends most of his shift complaining about working than actually working

when people ask if there are any other sizes in the back, he’ll go to the storage room, play on his phone for 5 minutes, and then walk out to the customer and tell them that they're out of stock

will say he’s doing go-backs, but in reality he’s just walking around the store in circles to avoid work

when he’s REALLY annoyed he sometimes won’t even wear his name tag on the floor so the customers don’t know if he works there and will leave him alone

doesn’t even try to hide how disgruntled he is with work, will literally say “I hate this job” loud enough for customers to hear when he’s shit talking with oikawa behind the register. does loud audible sighs when a customer comes up to check out if he’s in the middle of telling a story

awful at folding the clothes. he might as well just compress all the shirts into a ball and toss them into the bag instead

DESPISES CLOSING WITH A PASSION. he hates staying back even five minutes to pick clothes off from the ground. will literally curse that the company is so inconsiderate of his time even though he clocked in late to his shift...

if you’re on shift with him be prepared to do all the work... go see a chiropractor cuz you’ll basically be carrying him on your back the whole time!

he also finds the most creative ways to get others to do his work for him. his usual victim is hanamaki. he’ll go up to him and say “hey, do you mind folding up all the shirts in zone B for me? ennoshita asked me to organize the back since we’re doing new promos tomorrow” and hanamaki’s so clueless and goes “yeah! sure dude, I got it!”

futakuchi doesn’t organize in the back, he hides behind all the boxes while crouched down on his phone for about twenty minutes before going out on the floor again

someone save hanamaki he’s literally doing futakuchi’s work for him... poor boy needs a RAISE

you actually don’t work at the store futakuchi works at, you’re a part timer at another nearby store

during the holiday season the zara futakuchi works at gets super busy and you take a few extra shifts there to help out

you and futakuchi have an... interesting relationship

first thing you say when you see him during the holiday season: “you haven’t been fired yet?”

he’s rolling his eyes going “oh haha. very funny. saw you were at the bottom of sales last week. that’s probably why you’re always getting transferred here, huh.”

you two are constantly snapping back at each other, even when you’re ringing other people up at the registers. the customers are standing there awkwardly as you two scan and passive aggressively insult each other

it’s so weird, like you two are so mean to each other, but at the same time you’re both practically attached to the hip during your shifts together

futakuchi is more... punctual during the holiday season and even takes a COUPLE EXTRA SHIFTS which floors ennoshita (he’s so moved, he thinks futakuchi has had a change of heart and is trying to improve his work ethic... buddy that’s not it, I’m so sorry)

every time you clock in, futakuchi is there too and you’re going. oh great. not this guy again. it’s like clockwork, as soon as your shift starts, you’re at each others’ neck

when you diss the way he folds clothes, he’s scrutinizing your high pitched customer service voice

at first the other guys are laughing at what’s going on between you two and they’re thinking you two are Mortal Enemies For Life

but then they start noticing little by little that your relationship with futakuchi isn’t like that at all

when you’re scolding futakuchi with his awful folding, you take the time to show him all the steps to make a clean display free of wrinkles. he’s standing next to you trying to imitate the way your hands work on the fabric. he adds in a few snarky comments here and there, but you hush him as you’re giving instructions

and when you’ve got a huge rack of clothes from the dressing room that need to go back on the floor, futakuchi offers to help you put them away. he’ll say “ennoshita told me to help out” and you brush it off, but he’s actually lying. he’s helping you on his own accord

he has his asshole persona to keep up with, so he’s still sliding in snide remarks, but you’re so used to it and can keep up with him that he’s always on his toes. he likes this back and forth with you

one day, kuroo starts talking about you with futakuchi to get the 411 on what’s going on between you two. futakuchi denies it all until kuroo starts teasing him by saying he’ll ask you on a date. that’s when futakuchi’s going. wait what

“yeah, there’s a nice restaurant about ten minutes from here and I think going there on a date would really—”

futakuchi starts internally freaking out. he’s going “oh. a date. at a nice italian restaurant near here. wow.”

and kuroo’s got a nice lopsided grin because HE KNOWS and he’s still egging him on

that’s when it finally hits futakuchi. he... he likes you. He Likes You A Lot

the tips of his ears start turning red at this sudden revelation

and upon seeing this kuroo’s like "Alright bud, I was just messing with you. But if you don’t ask her out on a date then I sure as hell will!"

futakuchi’s going alright man give me like a week

Bro futakuchi is even MEANER to you than he was before because he Likes you and Doesn’t Know How To Deal With His Feelings since he’s got the emotional capacity of a grade schooler

futakuchi: wow. that blouse you’re wearing. it suits you.

you: really? thank you I think the color—

futakuchi: yeah. it’s ugly. like you.

you: ...

kuroo’s watching the exchange from the register completely horrified. he’s like. what have I done. futakuchi whips his head over with pleading eyes when you tell him to shove it and kuroo’s shaking his head thinking “I never should have gotten involved”

he’s in too deep already and when you leave the floor to help ennoshita with the stockroom, kuroo has another one-on-one with futakuchi. he tells him the basics like “Don’t call the person you like Ugly”

“well what else am I supposed to say”

truly a lost cause...

it’s like talking to a wall with futakuchi. kuroo’s telling him to be polite and sweet to you and futakuchi’s nodding his head in understanding, but as soon as he’s within a 3ft radius near you his brain is thinking “insult them for attention” kuroo’s like DUDE. WHAT DID I SAY.

this sad exchange goes on for a week and by then kuroo’s like. I give up on you. I can’t deal with this and the holiday rush. he’s waving up the white flag

futakuchi’s been kinda meaner to you than before, so you start ignoring him a bit and he’s getting so frustrated with himself that he doesn’t even know what to do and kuroo notices you two not talking AT ALL during a shift and he’s like. Futakuchi. Just Confess Already. Jesus.

futakuchi wishes he never realized he likes you because he wants to go back to those work days when you two would be Kinda Cheeky towards each other and everything was lax

the confession happens when ennoshita assigns you and futakuchi to work on orders in the back room. at first, futakuchi was trying to find hanamaki to do the work for him, but was promptly dragged by ennoshita to the back. there was no getting out of this

when he saunters on in, he sees you’re already printing out the shipping labels and folding up boxes and it’s silent, your back is facing him and he can definitely feel something is wrong

you saw him searching for hanamaki on the floor and it hurt your feelings because were you that insufferable to work with?

there’s silence between you two and then you break it and tell him that he can go back on the floor if he doesn’t want to work with you

and he can sense the hurt in your voice and he’s like... no, no, no that isn’t it

you’re shaking your head and saying “look, I get it. I get on your nerves. I could tell from this past week and you avoiding me. sorry if I did anything wrong... you can grab hanamaki and we’ll finish these orders while you work in the front”

now futakuchi is internally screaming NONONONONO in his mind because YOU’RE not annoying him at all he’s just a complete dummy who doesn’t know how to deal with his own emotions and now you’re on the verge of crying as you fold some shirts with tissue paper

it’s now or never

futakuchi blurts out that he Really Likes You

at first you think he’s joking and you’re going “Are you serious right now? I’m literally crying and you think NOW is the time to do some fake middle school confession? you’re sick”

POOR GUY HE’S LIKE “NO I REALLY MEAN THAT I LIKE YOU... A LOT...”

he’s right next to you now and grabs onto your shoulders so you can get a good look at his face. his eyes are all business as he confesses again

you’ve got your hand over your mouth and it hits you

futakuchi being Extra Mean to you is his way of showing affection...

now you’re throwing your head back in laughter because he’s so dumb. he’s tall and handsome and too cheeky for his own good, but he’s also like an elementary school kid realizing he’s got his first ever crush and he has absolutely No Idea how to Deal With It

after you’re done laughing, you lightly hit him on the chest and throw in a few lighthearted insults before you hug him as tight as you can. he returns the favor by wrapping his arms around you, practically engulfing you

he’s thinking wow. this is nice. he’s keeping his mouth clamped shut to avoid ruining the moment, but he’s totally digging the way you fit perfectly in his arms

when you pull away you notice his face is red all over and now you’re cracking up and calling him tomato head

and at this, he’s pointing at your running mascara and is like “sure I look like a tomato, but you’re looking like a reject Joker with all that smudged makeup”

now you two are fighting in the back, but in a more loving manner

as soon as you both clock out for the night, futakuchi takes you to the nice italian restaurant nearby. the one kuroo mentioned about a week beforehand

it’s the perfect place for a first date

(he’s too prideful to thank kuroo, but what he instead does is send a selfie with you in the picture + the food during the first date. kuroo’s slow clapping it out. he knew the little asshole could do it.)

#futakuchi #futakuchi keiji #futakuchi headcanons #futakuchi x reader #haikyuu x reader #hq x reader #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu hcs #haikyuu ff #futakuchi hcs #hq headcanons #hq hcs #moosh hcs #futakuchi x you #I HATE TAGGIGNAISGNISGNSJG #I haven't been in a zara for over a year and I'm proud of that

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tinyboxxtink · 3 years ago

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"Weird Secret Friends" *Chapter 9*

Chapter 8

Chapter 10

Aw SNAP, an early chapter?! Yes children, I woke up and I just wanted to write. This story really does mean a lot to me, and I have been neglecting it for the last few days. So I decided to give you one today, and one tonight. I just have so much to say, and I wanna get it out there as fast as I think of it! I know y'all want that too.

So I don't know if these actually need warnings, but there is serious discussion about alcohol and addiction. If you're sensitive to that, read with caution. I'm really sensitive to it and I wrote it, but it's more therapeutic to me. I don't know how others feel about it.

Also-- I did my best to fix the continuity issue in the last chapter about the Sonny crying at Y/N's mom's funeral, AND I think I did a good job at fixing the continuity with the fact that I literally started this story with her drinking an appletini. Like a moron.

And if you think my explanation is 'unbelievable', I actually do the same thing so I know it's a thing! Don't @ me.

Also Also-- This chapter is all Y/N and Sonny, some cousin bonding time. I hope y'all appreciate it.

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@omgsuperstarg

@objection-argumentative

@thatesqcrush

@shittanyy

@mrsrafaelbarba

--------------

You rode to the train station in silence, but when you got out of the Uber to walk in by yourself, Sonny quickly trailed behind you.

“I’m a big girl Sonny, I don’t need you to hold my hand,” You rolled your eyes.

“I-I know, but it’s an hour until your train leaves, and--” He nervously explained.

“Afraid I’ll go to the bar and just derail my life in twenty minutes?” You crossed your arms.

“...No…” He softly looked at the ground.

“Well, you're right. I'm just gonna throw it all away right now,”

“Y/N don’t do that--”

“I’m not kidding, Sonny!” You looked at him seriously.

“...What?” He was stunned at your admission.

You looked around the train station, people were bustling about running to their trains and finding their people, it was a madhouse. You needed to talk this out seriously; so you pulled him to a waiting area and sat down with him.

“Well as you so nicely pointed out, I am basically on the verge of breaking my sobriety every fucking day. And now I know why you wanted me to avoid Rafael, but I didn’t listen and as much as you didn’t want it to, it already broke me. Last night I broke, and now that-- now that he’s gone, or run away, or whatever-- All I can think about is making this pain go away!” The thoughts that had been running through your head since you left Rafael’s apartment just came spilling out of your mouth.

“Sunshine…” He sighed.

“And you’re right, I don’t have anyone else. I don’t have anyone else to lean on, except for you. And I can’t keep doing that, you’ve done it long enough,” You started to feel tears catch in your throat.

“Wha--but I don’t mind, I--” He protested.

“Really? Because the way you were telling Rafael, it sounded like you were sick of it,” You tried to keep your voice steady.

“I’m not--” He ran his fingers through his hair. “I’m not sick of it. It’s just--”

“A lot,” You finished for him.

“Right,” He looked at you sadly. “But-- I don’t understand, then what do you wanna--”

“I need to go away,” You interjected with a very somber look.

“What?” He half laughed. “Go away? What does that even--”

“I need to go...away,” You repeated, not wanting to say the words out loud.

“Like...a facility?” He asked; you nodded. “Y/N I didn’t mean you had to--”

“I know you didn’t mean that Sonny, but I don’t see any other way,” Tears filled your eyes.

“I don’t-- I don’t wanna do this again! I don’t want you to have to take days, weeks off work watching me, moving to Jersey, checking my room and my apartment, you’re too old for that shit now!” You looked up to the sky, willing the tears to stay in your pupils.

“I mean, Y/N come on I’m almost 31, I’m not ancient--”

“But you’re a grown up, with a grown up job and a career, and a life. And I can’t just-- make you put your life on pause because I’m a fuck up,” You barely whispered.

“You’re not a--”

“I am,” You shook your head. “I am, and I accept it. I can’t have-- normal, things. Like friendships or relationships. This absolutely proves it,”

“No, it doesn’t,” Sonny took your hand. “Look I told Barba and now I’m telling you: This...this might be on me,”

“No it’s not,” You took his hand this time. “Don’t do that,”

“No, it really might be,” He insisted. “You’ve...you’ve never just opened up to someone like you did with Barba. Not once. Not with anyone but me,”

“Yeah well clearly that was some kind of fluke,” You rolled your eyes with a tear filled laugh.

“Was it?” Sonny asked you sincerely. “When’s the last time you approached a guy or girl for that matter, sober?”

“I mean, I was sipping an appletini…” You looked at the ground in guilt.

“Y/N…” Sonny rubbed his temples.

“What?” You shrugged. “It’s not like I’m the Hulk, Sonny. I don’t take a sip of alcohol and ‘Hulk Out’. I like to at least attempt to feel like a grown up, so I order ONE drink and nurse it for hours. You know this. It’s just, when I get upset…”

“You lose it,” He finished for you.

“...Yeah,” You looked back at the ground.

“So why don’t you just come stay with me for a few days, until this whole ‘Barba’ thing passes, and you can be...normal, again?” He put a hand on your knee. “You don’t need to…’go away’, like a mental patient,”

“...Because I don’t know if it will pass, Sonny,” You admitted. “I’m not kidding when I say this broke me. It...it broke me. And he wasn’t even my boyfriend! We fucked one time and all of a sudden I was going through his stuff like a crazy girlfriend,”

“...Didn’t need to know that, but alright,” Sonny shuddered at the thought of you in the throes of passion with Rafael.

“Whatever,” You sighed. “The point is, I-- I lost it, with him. That’s never happened, not once. I’ve never…’cared’ about someone like that. I just bang them then leave,”

“Wasted” Sonny added.

“....Well yeah, obviously,” You laughed sadly.

“Which brings me back to my original point,” He replied. “You may have had some liquor in your system, but were you drunk when you talked to Barba?”

“...No,” You shook your head.

“Were you tipsy?”

“....No,"

“Did you get drunk while waiting on me and talking with him and then decide to go back to his place to...do stuff?”

“No!” You hit him softly.

“And last night,” He continued. “Last night when I walked away and left the two of you. Did you run back inside and drink yourself into a stupor because you hurt me?”

“No!!” You shook your head. “No, I-- I might have wanted to, but then Rafael took me inside and he-- well, first of all his friends humiliated me--”

“They what?” Sonny’s fists began to clench.

“Calm down, Son,” You took his hand. “Rafael defended me, he even punched a guy for insulting me!”

“He WHAT?” Sonny gasped. Rafael would never do something like that, not for anyone. He was always so cool, calm and collected, always the epitome of decorum. If he had lost it on someone in public, that really did mean something.

“...So he defended you, then took you home?”

“Well, I---” You looked down in shame. “I asked him to,”

“Ah,” Sonny nodded. “I see,”

“But only because you said you didn’t wanna see me! I...I didn’t think I had anywhere else to go,” You explained.

“But he let you,” He added.

“He wanted me to,” You shrugged. “But Sonny I swear, nothing was supposed to happen. I just wanted to crash on his couch until I could talk to you. But...I don’t know, we-- he washed my clothes, and then we were watching BoJack, and then we were laughing and he was tickling me, and it just-- happened,”

“Organically,” He clarified.

“...Not the way I’d word it but yeah,”

“And you didn’t drink anything?” He raised an eyebrow.

“No!” You cried. “No, and I didn’t want to hurt--”

“Sunshine I promise you, this isn’t about my feelings at all right now,” He assured you. “I’m just pointing out that you have never just...accidentally slept with a guy,”

“Meaning…?” You quirked an eyebrow curiously.

“Meaning your MO is get drunk, get laid, and leave. Correct?”

“...Well when you say it like that…” You shifted uncomfortably.

“I’m not trying to guilt you Sunshine I’m making a point. Now, am I right?”

“....Yes,”

“So you genuinely had feelings for Barba. Real, unaltered feelings,”

“....I guess so,”

“And I’m not blowing smoke up your ass when I say that Barba would never, ever punch a guy for anyone. Especially not someone he worked with, in front of a bunch of colleagues. I mean, his ‘circle’ is probably buzzing right now with talk about how ‘barbaric’ he was, for some girl he just met,” He explained.

“What are you saying, Son?” You studied his face curiously.

“I’m saying like I said before, that this might be my fault, Sunshine,” He sighed, once again running his hands through his hair.

“If I hadn’t been so...against you and Barba, I wouldn’t have spout off my mouth about his--- usual way of dating. Because it sounds like with you, he’s anything but his usual self,” He explained.

“...And then you wouldn’t have gotten upset about it and responded the way you do when you’re upset, and then you wouldn’t have ended up a mess last night, and you two would still be in your happy little bubble of bliss,”

“Sonny,” You sighed and put a hand on his shoulder. “I appreciate the sentiment, but I think we both know that this...’beast’ inside of me, is always gonna be there,”

“Well…” He murmured.

“You said it yourself! I’m still an addict, I’m still battling it everyday, even though I’ve gotten so much better at it. Even though most days I am perfectly fine; I’m not normal. Normal people don’t end up at the bottom of a bottle of vodka whenever they have a bad day, or stress out,” You cringed at the memory of that constantly happening back in the day.

“Yeah I know…”

“And it’s not fair for me to put that on someone. Especially someone I barely know! Especially someone who is not used to, or even ready for any kind of normal commitment! I mean, honestly I’m glad it happened now, because if we had gotten any deeper and the inevitable happened, the blow out would have been much more...messy,” You looked away in shame, just imagining the chaos your drunken alter ego could cause.

“...How so?”

“Sonny, if I lost it like I did last night after spending one night with Rafael, can you imagine the kind of havoc I’d wreck if we had been dating for a while? If we were married?” You half laughed sadly at the thought. “Cops would be called, I’m sure,”

“Sunshine….” He spoke softly, hating to hear you degrade yourself so much. He'd heard it so much in the past, he knew if you were going into the dark place, the damage was bad.

“Somehow or other, the monster would have shown herself to him. And clearly, whenever it was gonna happen-- he wasn’t going to respond well,” You shook your head with the same sad smile.

“But maybe if you had gotten closer, maybe he would have changed. Maybe he wants to change-- he’s just...freaked out right now,” Sonny pointed out.

“Don’t,” You shook your head while looking at the ground. “Don’t do that,”

“Do what?” He asked you quizzically.

“Give me false hope,” You looked up at him with tears once again welling up in your eyes. “You know that’s the most dangerous thing for someone like me,”

“But that’s just it Sunshine,” He put both hands on either side of your face. “I really don’t think it’s false hope,”

“Yeah well,” You scoffed with a sarcastic laugh. “I won’t hold my breath. And the bottom line is-- if that ever happens, then it will. But I’m here now, and right now all I want is to drink until I forget this weekend ever happened,” You wiped tears from your face. “So I need you to--”

“I’m not sending you away,” He said sternly.

“Sonny!” You stomped your foot. “I’m not kidding! You can’t--”

“Look Y/N,” He started. “You have done so well these past few years, better than I’ve ever seen you. I am so proud of you. You’re in school, you’re thinking about the future, you have dreams. And if you just...abandon that for even a month or two, you’ll have to drop your classes and start over,”

“Yeah but--”

“I know you think that going to rehab is the thing you’re ‘supposed’ to do when shit like this happens, but honestly I think it will only send you three steps back, not forward,” He looked at you with very genuine eyes.

“...Y’know the old ‘monster’ wouldn’t have even told me any of this,” He pointed out. “She would’ve gotten on that train and headed to the liquor store at the Jersey train station,”

“...That is true,” You nodded with a soft smile.

“I think you’re more in control than you think, Sunshine,” He put a thumb on your chin. “...But, maybe to make us both feel better, I’ll put a limit on your card for a bit,”

“...Yeah, probably for the best,” You gave him a small smile. Just then you both heard the speaker announcing your train was boarding.

“Well, I guess I better go,” You stood up with your duffel and gave him a long, hard hug. You really did love him more than anyone in this world, and knowing he wasn’t mad at you and still loved you meant everything to you.

“Alright Sunshine, you call me when you get back to the apartment, yeah?”

“Yeah,” You nodded; he gave you another hug, scared to let you go.

He was being supportive and brave on the outside for you, because he really did want you to keep going on the path you were on. But something deep down inside of him was constantly worried about the monster inside you. He wanted to protect you 24/7, but you were right-- he had a life and a career in the city, he had to trust you to be on your own.

“I love you, Y/N. You know that, right?”

“Yeah,” You nodded with a bigger smile. “I love you too, Sonny,”

You gave him one last kiss on the cheek before heading to your platform, leaving Sonny alone in the station. He waited until he couldn’t see your figure headed towards the distance before pulling out his phone and dialing a number.

“Barba,” He said seriously. “We need to talk,”

#rafael barba #sonny carisi #rafael barba imagine #sonny carisi imagine #rafael barba x reader #rafael barba x you #law and order svu #rafael barba angst #weird secret friends #tw addiction #tw alcoholism

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dianapana · 3 years ago

Text

SH Day 3- Addicted to your touch

Day 3 – Addicted to your touch Separation Anxiety

WARNING: MENTAL ILLNESS

Disclaimer: I am not a therapist, the advice I gave in this piece might be very faulty, please take it with a grain of salt.

Modern AU, OOC

@sasuhinamonth

It all started small, when one day Sasuke announced that he’d be gone for 2 weeks due to work, the news alone made Hinata’s heartache but she smiled and wished him good luck on the project and a safe trip. Each day the feeling of missing him would grow and grow and grow until it was too big for her body to contain, and the feeling turned to pain. Her longing made her physically sick by the end of the second week.

The next stage was composed of excessive calls and texts, Hinata constantly needed to know where he was, what he was doing, whenever he’d take too long to reply the longing would come back and she’d either sink into sadness or lose herself to anger, both feelings she had not experienced much since dating Sasuke. Whenever he’d reply after a longer break, she’d ask him to come over to her house and stay the night.

That was the case on August 3rd. Sasuke came straight to her house after a long day at the office and Hinata ran to hug him, all of the negative feelings almost forgotten the moment she laid her eyes on him. His touch alone made all of her worries disappear. That was the feeling of home, in his arms.

They spent the night normally, eating dinner while watching a movie, changing and going to bed because they both had work in the morning. The issue came with the sunrise, for Hinata refused to let him leave. She cried and begged and screamed the moment he brought up work, she tore his shirt apart reasoning that he couldn’t go to work without one. The moment the white fabric hit the ground; silence fell over the room. Both of them were shocked, unable to speak due to her outburst of emotions.

Her cried aggravated, she fell to her knees and crawled to where he was, hugging his waist, apologizing over and over again. Sasuke was in deep thought, remembering all the small signs over the past month and a half. It hurt him to think that he had hurt her in any way to drive her to this moment, he patted her hair lovingly, took a deep breath and said in a broken voice “I think there’s something wrong Hina”

She looked at him with big round eyes, they were glossy and red, she blinked and looked down at the floor. “There might be…” Sasuke picked her up by her armpits and placed her in his lap, continuing to run his hand through her hair. He continued doing so until she calmed down and fell asleep, her emotions must have exhausted her. He didn’t move her from his lap for fear of waking her up, however, he picked up his phone from the nightstand and send Itachi a message telling him that he will not be going to work, he proceeded to text Kurenai as well informing her of Hinata’s absence at work too.

He spent the following few hours reading about similar situations, which mostly led to the same piece of advice, that a specialist was needed. So, he went on to search for therapists in Konoha, texting them all, asking whether any of them were free that day, two of them didn’t reply, another one was full for the week and could only see them next Wednesday, thankfully the last one agreed to meet with them after closing hours at 8:30.

Having all of that plan, all he needed to do was find a way to approach the topic when talking to Hinata, she had to agree that paying a visit to therapy would do them both good. Hinata had been asleep for about two hours now, so Sasuke took the liberty to move her onto her side of the bed and go to the kitchen to make some food for when she’d get up.

He managed to make scrambled eggs and toast and was about to go and wake her up when a cry of distress came from their room. He hurried to her side, Hinata was holding onto his pillow on the verge of tears.

“You weren’t here when I woke up” Her voice was meek and trembling. “I could hear movement in the kitchen, I knew you were there. So why, why does your absence hurt this much, despite me knowing you are here?”

He wished he had the answer, but he didn’t. He moved closer and sat on the edge of the bed, cupping her face with one hand, slowly brushing the skin under her eye with his thumb. Sasuke leaned in slowly to hiss her nose, cheek, forehead and finally the corner of her mouth. “I think to find out why, we might need some help from the outside” he closed his eyes and sighed, his breath fanning over her lips. “I talked to a man named Iruka, he’s a therapist and agreed to meet with us later today, would you be open to this idea?”

-------------

Hinata looked at him, searching his eyes and expression for any malice or negative feelings, but there was none, his openness and desire to help led her to agree to his plan, maybe they did need help.

“From what you’ve told me, this is a severe case of separation anxiety,” Iruka said, he looked kind and bore no ill feelings, Hinata had been afraid of the judgmental look he’d give her after hearing about her actions, but his eyes remained warm and understanding. “This usually manifests itself in small children, they are afraid to part from their caregivers even for a moment. In certain cases, it is believed it could appear in pregnant women as well, and usually the caregiver is their partner. Is there any possibility of this being true?”

Both Sasuke and Hinata’s eyes opened wider at the word pregnant, there was most certainly a possibility of that. They were always careful while having sex, however, Hinata was not on birth control, for they affected her badly whenever she took them as a teen so their method of contraception were condoms alone. There’s always the possibility of one breaking, a faulty one, or just them being part of the 0.01% of the population for which condoms did not work perfectly.

-------------

“I suggest you take a pregnancy test as well. As I mentioned, this is known to happen now and again so do not worry too much; however, this anxiety can affect you negatively” Iruka continued while looking at Hinata “the best way to deal with this is steady growth. In the early stages constant contact is preferred. Think of this as building up trust once again. Constant reassurance is important, always keeping promises, separation needs to happen slowly over time; from constant touch to simply being in the same room but at a safe distance, then being in separate rooms, then Hinata being alone but in a familiar and comfortable space for short periods of time. Of course, this process takes months. For some women the anxiety dies down with the birth, for others in continues after but through steady built of trust it can disappear”

They followed Iruka’s advice and went to Hinata’s gyno the next day and Iruka’s assumption proved to be true, Hinata was indeed pregnant in week 7. They were currently in the first stage of their trust-building, being in the same room, always touching. Hinata sat in his lap while they watched a movie, they held hands whenever they were outside, they’d keep bumping feet under the table as they ate. Sasuke had basically moved into her apartment, neither of them went to work. Sasuke was able to do most of his job remotely, however, Hinata applied for medical time off. Everything was going great, Hinata no longer experienced that painful longing, however, her pregnancy turned out to be a quite difficult one, as soon as they found out she was indeed pregnant, her morning sickness started, she had constant back pain and her appetite was very volatile. They’d often wake up in the middle of the night and drive around the city to find one of her cravings. During a particularly bad night 2 months after, her craving for watermelon in the winter proved difficult, to add to the issue her back pain was excruciating so she could not stay in the car for however long it would take them to find watermelon.

“Do you think…you would be all right if you stayed here and I went to find it for you…?” they had barely moved on from the ‘always touching’ stage, the process was slow but it was there.

“I…don’t know…”

“What do you want me to do Hina? You can’t even sit up properly, being in the car for maybe an hour would we awful, but being here alone would too…but it’s unwise to not follow your cravings either” He was spiralling, the situation was stressful and all he wanted was to be able to help her, he wanted to take her pain away, he wanted to give her everything she’d ever want and more.

“I think, I will be fine” Hinata finally said after thinking for a bit longer. Almost in slow motion, he nodded, ‘ok, ok, ok’ he murmured to himself as he put his winter coat over his pyjamas and stood on the bed to put his boots on. “I’ll go find you watermelon, ok? I will be back as soon as I can. I love you” he kissed her cheek and then the top of her head. She smiled and waved, but the moment his back turned to her, her smile wavered. Would she really be ok…?

Sasuke ran down the stairs to the car, he wanted to be away for as little as possible. He pulled out of the driveway and sped up as much as possible. Firstly, he’d look at the local non-stop supermarket, at the ‘exotic’ or ‘out of season’ shelf, if it wasn’t there he’d go to the local Korean market and buy some watermelon flavoured things, just in case there was nothing else anywhere; before he could think of where he’d go next his phone rang. Seeing Hinata’s name he answered immediately.

“come back…please” she was trying not to cry, he could hear it. He did an illegal U-turn and sped even more towards their apartment “I’m coming, I’ll be there in 5 minutes” Hinata replied with an ‘ok’ however she didn’t hang up, she needed to at least be on the line with him. Sasuke didn’t hang up either, not when we pulled into the driveway, not when he stopped the car, nor when he ran up the stairs. He only hung up when Hinata was in his arms.

“I’m so sorry, I thought I could, but you left and I…” she was sobbing so hard it was even difficult to understand her. “It’s ok, it’s not your fault, we moved too fast. Iruka said it’s slow. It’s no problem Hina, we can just start over” If her constantly touching him was what made her feel safe, he’d hold her close until she was ready. No more rushing of things. Once Hinata calmed down, Sasuke called Itachi.

“I’m sorry to wake you up but I need some help…could you look for some watermelon?”

#sasuhinamonth #sasuhina #sasuhina fanfic #shmonth #sasuke #hinata #hinata hyuuga #susake uchiha #hyuuga #uchiha #dia story #diawrites #naruto #day3

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alchemist-shizun · 5 years ago

Text

This time

Based on this post by @lance-alt my inspirational hero 🧡

Read on Ao3!

Ts general taglist: @whizzie72 @sapphire-knight @burningpersonflapsuitcase @softanxiouspatton @royallyanxious @kim-argent-moon @lance-alt @suffering-is-my-comfort-zone @sometimeswritingsometimesdying @pushussmollworld @mylifeisadeceit @spooky-scary-virgil @angstyfanfiction @artissijam @logicalberry @pistachio-lan @roses-bubbles @princessnoodlebug @wolfie979 @gigitheimposter (tell me if you want to be added or removed)

Specific fic taglist: @bookwormscififan

Word Count: 1,455

Characters: Janus, Virgil, (Logan and Thomas mentioned)

Pairing(s): platonic Anxceit

Warning(s): Spoilers for SvS Redux, Self-destruction talk, illness/medical/hospital talk, allusions to crying, breathing difficulty (tell me if I missed anything)

Summary: There was a limit to everything, but Thomas hadn't yet realized that there was a limit to prioritizing others too. That's why Janus had to step in, but first there was someone else's consent he needed to get.

A/N: Hello how are you feeling I am destroyed in both good and bad ways. So, I put this little headcanon of mine where the sides get physically worse too as the state of Thomas's mind worsens. Other than that yes there are obviously spoilers and hope you enjoy, I don't know what I did I just let the words keep going out of my mind. That said, stan Janus. Have a good day!

✾

❝ It's all of the good that won't come out of us.

And how eventually our hands will just turn to dust

If we keep shaking them standing here on this frozen lake. ❞

Enough.

Enough was enough and Janus was sure none of them could take it any further.

He knew he'd been awake when he marched towards his door at almost four in the morning, the dark of the night hardly a villain against his memory of Thomas's apartment's furniture position.

There was no way he would have turned Janus down. Not in his state, anyway.

Deceit knocked on the door to Virgil's room and only heard a muffled, almost choked noise coming from it.

He ignored his heart sinking in his chest.

« It's me. I'm coming in. » he announced himself, not prepared but not surprised either by the scene laid before his eyes.

The room was a messier mess than usual, Virgil was contorted between his own blankets with the darkest shade of black under his eyes, starting to to expand in the shape of veins on his face, like tiny thunders had begun spreading across his cheeks.

It had been so dreadful ever since the choice in favour of the wedding had been made, seeing Thomas's mental health gradually decreasing every time the thought of the callback crossed his mind as well as the horrifying possibility of hurting his friends.

The dilemma replayed in his mind over and over again, unanswered questions rose and were shut down the moment they surfaced.

This is the right thing, he would think, I am being a good friend.

And yet it hurt so he would brush it off, increasing his dismay by the second.

Janus couldn't sit and watch any longer.

Not when they all were starting to break down. Not when … when that doleful sight of Virgil was displayed in front of him.

He swallowed the alarming feeling away and stepped closer until he was sitting on Virgil's bed, his hands folded in his lap.

One last furrowed glance to the rug on the ground before he finally spoke.

« I need your cooperation. »

« No- » Virgil's voice came out as a lament, strained and slurred.

« Please. » that was the first time in a long while that Janus had put his hand on his arm. « Do you believe I bare seeing you in these conditions? Seeing Thomas constantly fight with his subconscious with no resolution? » the need in his eyes prompted the other to listen.

Virgil fell quiet and Deceit saw his half lidded eyes barely able to stay open.

« If you want to hate me so much I'd prefer you do it in good shape rather than not being able to stand up. »

Virgil bit the inside of his mouth, partly because he kept himself from retorting something, partly because he had been wanting to cry for so long and it was getting too hard to keep it in, too impossible to fight down a urge he couldn't control.

« Listen. Next time I confront Thomas, don't show up. » Janus looked as the other's expression immediately changed.

Virgil surged up the best he could, eyes squinting and wary.

« What? »

« I need you to trust me, okay? » Janus put up his hands in front of his chest. « Just. Trust me. »

« Trust you? How. How do I not know- How can I be sure you're not going to twist their thoughts? How- »

« Thomas is destroying himself. » he shook his head in a slow motion. « You're one of the sides that should know this better than anyone else. We all see it, but we don't speak about it. We don't bring it up because changing the whole way of how you thought of your values is terrifying. »

« But the truth is we can't keep this self-destructive behaviour up until it disintegrates Thomas's health, both mental and physical. You don't take medicines only after a week of fighting with your high fever because you think you'd be able to bear feeling awful and now you're on the verge of going to the hospital. »

Virgil's stance got softer, more relaxed.

« The same way you shouldn't suppress your emotional pain until you break down and you're forced to take that metaphorical medicine for your mind, too. » Janus watched as his interlocutor finally nodded, Virgil knew deep in himself that everything with how Thomas was feeling was wrong.

Maybe … maybe he could allow letting Deceit …

« What I'm trying to get to is self-care is important as well and as much as it seems like the most obvious thing, we tend to brush it off for the sake of our reputation. Thomas doesn't understand it either and he needs to know he can't keep sacrificing his needs. »

« He's going to burn out. » Virgil's eyes were fixated on an unspecified spot, focused and filled with realization.

« Exactly. » Deceit nodded and Anxiety followed his reasoning.

« I … I don't know, I think I understand, but how are you going to tell him? I don't think he's going to listen with how strong his moral dilemmas are. »

« I talked to Logan. He's going to lend me a hand so I'm not alone in this and prove the integrity of my argument with stable facts. »

Janus stared into Virgil's eyes and still found uncertainty.

He turned his head away from him.

« I am going to twist their thoughts, Virgil, in one way or another this is going to affect their way of thinking eventually and I can't prevent it. It's not wrong, it's not evil or anything, it's a start. The entrance to the healing path. »

« It's not … it's not easy. »

« Oh, believe me, I know. » he let out a melancholy short laugh. « But this is the reason why I'm asking you to trust me. I know what I'm doing, Logan has my back too. If you don't trust me, trust him. I don't plan on ruining anything for you, okay? »

Virgil would have shot up if he weren't in the worst state he'd ever been, but his eyes still widened and his head turned to Janus in an instant.

Seeing that he got his attention, Deceit took the opportunity. « I don't want to step onto a podium and show that I'm better than everyone else here. I don't want to put any of you in a bad light. I just- I just want Thomas to be okay so that we can all stop tearing ourselves apart. And this is going to require me stepping in. »

Virgil's gaze fell down again and his bangs covered his eyes.

« I … Okay, I- »

« Virgil, one last thing. » Janus breathed in and focused on his glowing yellow gloves. « I don't want to change anything for you. I recognize you feel better with this new family you found and I don't want to take you from them. I don't want to prove I'm better in a “told you so” way so you can come back to us. » he took another breath and closed his eyes so the tears would stop forming. « I simply still care about you and it would shatter me more if things didn't work out with them either only because Thomas's mental state affected all of us. »

It was getting really hard to breathe for both of them.

Really hard.

Virgil wanted to respond, he wanted to let him know that he hated the fact that he was still mad at him but he couldn't prevent himself from feeling that way.

He wanted to say he still cared for him too but he hadn't yet realized and it still hurt too much.

« I just don't want you alone the way you are right now. » he murmured, then got up and paced towards the door.

He turned to give him one last glance and await his response.

Virgil was internally devastated and still didn't let others pierce through that.

« Okay. I'll be quiet, but you … please be patient with them. »

Janus nodded. « I will. I'll try to be as cautious as possible. » he turned and now the door was coming to a close.

« Take care of yourself, Virgil. »

There was a clicking sound and he was gone, with that old usual catchphrase he used to tell him.

Virgil fell back on his bed, unable to fight back the heavy breathing rising in his lungs.

One time. One time to trust the last person you'd trust on earth.

But this time he would let him.

This time, he'd let him save them all.

#purp's writings #ts spoilers #deceit sanders #janus sanders #virgil sanders #ts virgil #ts janus #ts deceit #platonic anxceit #sanders sides #fanfiction #ts fic #read the warnings #long post

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beerecordings · 4 years ago

Text

“Hey. Hey. Marvin?”

He jolts to attention on the third word, shocked like a cat who’s just seen a cucumber, putting a hand over his heart and letting out a low, frantic, shaken breath. “Schneep, you fuck!” he laughs, his hands trembling around the paper bag. “You scared the shit out of me.”

Henrik regards him carefully from the doorway, his arms folded over his chest. Marvin’s heart thuds so loud he can hear it. Is this another ‘what’s going on?’ talk? Now he’s getting it from his little brothers as well as Jackie?

“I did knock,” says Henrik.

“Oh. I guess I was distracted.”

“You got take-out.”

Marvin’s eyes flicker down to the bag of food in his hands, quickly pushing one of his crystal balls out of the way to make room. Noodles and Company. Japanese pan noodles. He doesn’t even like this shit, but it was close and it was open and he hopes that the kid will. The kid has to. He hasn’t been eating anything. Marvin feels like he’s about to lose his mind. He wants to shove Japanese pan noodles down his fucking throat. He lets out a wild little giggle, pushing his hair from his eyes. What is he thinking?

“Are you not getting enough to eat at dinner?” asks Henrik. “We did finish off the kima in one sitting.”

“No, no,” he says quickly. “I got enough kima. I just, uhhh.”

Why was he stupid enough to let Henrik catch him with this? He quickly pushes the second bag behind the table. He can explain some things, maybe, but not that. What does he say?

“I guess I’ve just been hungry.”

Henrik’s voice goes very soft, his eyes steady and dark in the evening light. “I worry you’re losing weight.”

Marvin blinks, glancing around his room. There’s a slight motion at Henrik’s side and Marvin sees that Chase is standing shyly beside him in the hallway, blinking at him with his big blue eyes. He touches his stomach, self-conscious.

“No,” he manages after a moment. “I think I’m doing okay.”

He is losing weight. He didn’t mean to. He didn’t want them to notice.

“Have you been throwing up?” asks Henrik, in a voice impossibly softer still and entirely uncharacteristic. “Or eating a lot at one time, maybe, and then throwing up?”

Oh, fuck.

“No!” he tells them quickly, almost gasping on the rejection. “No, no, I don’t have bulimia or anything, Schneep, I’m fine, I was just hungry! Just tonight. Geez, you little twerps, give me some space, okay?”

A forced laugh shoves its way out of his mouth. Henrik and Chase exchange looks. Marvin turns away from them, hunched over the noodles, biting down hard on his lip.

“Marv,” says Chase’s familiar voice, laid low. “I know you been sneaking food back to your room. And you’ve stopped going out with Jackie to look for my little brother. Are you feeling okay?”

Is he feeling okay? Is he okay?

The truth is that since it’s started, it’s only gotten worse, worse and worse with every day that passes. The guilt haunts him in his dreams, gnawing on his organs and ribs like he’s a split-open pig with an apple in his mouth, making him feel sick and numb intermittently without relief. His mind wanders back to the boy constantly despite his best efforts, his temper boiling and his moods shifting wildly as his rationale assesses and re-assesses with every hour that passes. He can’t sleep. Eating makes him guilty. The sight of himself is a stab to the chest – which is only one of the reasons he’s covered up the mirror in his room.

He feels like he’s dying.

Chase’s hand comes down on his shoulder, the warm fingers wrapping lovingly around his muscle and bone. He shudders once and then, for a moment, rests. For a moment, peace beneath his hand.

“You gotta tell us what’s going on, man,” murmurs Chase. “You been with me through the darkest parts of my life and I can tell that you’re hurting. You gotta tell us.”

Tell us. Tell us. Tell us.

Oh, he wants to. He wants to. He wants to fall against Chase’s chest. He wants to let Henrik soothe his hand through his hair as he looks him over for injury, for illness. He wants Jackie to wrap his powerful arms around him and tell him everything will be alright, he’s here, we’ll figure this out, together like we always have. Together like a family.

And then he imagines the looks on their faces if they knew.

“I’m fine!” he shouts, shoving Chase’s hand away and whirling on his little brother, who stumbles back in surprise. “I said I was fine, didn’t I? So why the fuck are the two of you still in here instead of off minding your own fucking business?”

“Don’t you dare!” shouts Henrik, his concern snapping open and oozing out furious aggression in a second, stalking forward and putting himself between the two of them. “Don’t you dare yell at him!”

“Then leave me alone!”

“Please stop!” cries Chase, grabbing the back of Henrik’s coat. “Marvin, I don’t know what the hell is wrong with you, but we don’t have to get shouted at just because you’re going through something and won’t let us help.”

His eyes glitter with tears. Marvin turns his head away hotly, trying to swallow down the horrible welling of the guilt, the guilt, the guilt, stinging through the whole of his body. He can’t breathe. He can’t make any of this stop. Everything’s just getting worse and it’s his fault.

All your fault.

“I hope you’ll tell someone when you’re ready,” croaks out Chase, turning to go before he can really start crying. “All anybody wants to do is help.”

Henrik and Marvin stand across from each other, gazes set and angry and confused all at once. Marvin’s eyes flicker away.

“I don’t know if one of your boyfriends is treating you badly or if you’re high or what,” hisses Henrik, and if Marvin didn’t know better, he’d almost have thought Henrik was on the verge of tears too. “But if you ever yell at him like that again – ”

Marvin throws his crystal ball with all the rage he can muster.

Henrik gasps, closing his eyes as it shatters against the wall beside his head, only missing him by a few inches, covering the floor in glass and whatever liquid was kept inside. Marvin stares with wide eyes at the mess he’s made. He didn’t even mean to throw it.

Henrik does not move. Eyes closed. Mouth slightly open. Body tense with fear, his arms crossed more tightly around himself than they were a moment ago.

“Henrik,” says Marvin, in a voice that wavers.

Henrik turns and runs, slamming his door shut behind him.

Marvin sinks down to his knees, breathing hard.

“What am I doing?” he whispers. “What am I letting myself become?”

Tell them. Tell them. Tell someone. Anyone. Please.

He doesn’t.

He picks up his noodles and his second bag and he pulls the covering gently back from the mirror on his back wall, stepping inside on shaking feet.

He has to get the kid his dinner.

Lately, Jamie seems hardly to move.

He hasn’t always been like this. Marvin’s sure. He hasn’t. He used to just cry and cry. He was terrified of Marvin. Terrified of being a prisoner again, like he has been his whole life. But then – well, Marvin’s brain likes to tell him that the Stockholm Syndrome kicked in. The guilt – oh, it is a familiar enemy these days, the guilt like a dragon rotating in his stomach, breathing fire and ice – the guilt coils in his gut and makes him feel nauseous.

He wishes the kid was still angry with him. He wishes the kid was still fighting. It would be so much easier if he could pretend Jamie was violent or hateful or dangerous or angry. But he isn’t.

Three weeks, that was all it took. Three weeks and he stopped being afraid, and started being loving.

“You don’t hit me like Anti did,” he had signed once, as though in awe, and Marvin hadn’t even been able to answer. “You just leave me alone and take care of me.”

It was true in a sense. Marvin brought him food and toys and art supplies and even, on request, a violin to play. With each present, Jameson grew fonder and more grateful.

But then the begging had started.

“Marvin? Can’t you stay a little while longer and talk with me? Marvin, couldn’t I come out of my cage for just a little while? Marvin, I’ve been good, please don’t leave. Please, can’t you touch me? Please, can I have a hug, something, please? Marvin, Marvin. I don’t feel good. Please, I need you. Don’t you love me? I’m a good puppet. I’m a good little brother. Please don’t leave me alone again. I can’t take it anymore. Please just touch my hand, just for a second. Please look at me!”

His sign name for him was simple – an M and the word ‘brother.’

Marvin wants to throw up just thinking about it, but even that was better than this.

“Hey.” He knocks on the side of the window, trying to get his breathing back under control. He shouldn’t have been angry with Henrik, but he can’t be angry with Jameson. Not now. He has to make him feel like they’re brothers again. Anything to get him to eat. Anything to just get him to move. “I brought you food. Aren’t you hungry?”

Jameson doesn’t answer.

Jameson doesn’t move.

“Can you even hear me?” asks Marvin, hearing his own voice break. “Are you even there inside your own head anymore?”

Every strand of Jameson’s soft, overgrown hair is unmoving in the silence of the mirror dimension. His small body is tucked into the very corner, pressed to both walls, hugging his knees to his chest.

“I got something for you,” says Marvin, reaching into the second bag. “Super cute, just for you. Look!”

He pulls the big hedgehog stuffie out of its bag, pulling the tag out of its paw. He’s never brought Jamie a toy this big. He’ll have to shove it through the bars of the window. Its chubby brown face smiles widely at him, black eyes shining in the fairy lights decorating the walls of Jamie’s cage.

“Ta-da!” calls Marvin, shaking the stuffie enthusiastically. “You love your animals, don’t you? Look how big. Come here, James!”

But all of his toys have been abandoned on the floor around him. He isn’t even clutching the puppy that he briefly convinced himself was real to his chest. His violin is slumped over in the corner. His puppets are scattered over the untouched bed. Jameson does not move.

“Kid, you gotta come here,” cries Marvin, shaking on the bars over the front of his box. “Please, Jamie! Just tell me what you need! Medicine, a psych eval, something else to eat, something else to play with? You can have whatever you want! Just tell big brother!”

But none of it will move him.

“I’ve never pretended to be a good person!” Marvin screams, slamming his hand down against the wood of the box, not even drawing a flinch from JJ. “I knew what I was doing when I put you in here! I’m protecting my family and that is all that fucking matters. So if you think that this little sad boy act is going to make me feel bad, it won’t. It won’t!”

He strikes the wood again, heaving for air, his head swimming. He thinks he’s going to be sick. His stomach is chewing his intestines up instead of the kima he had for dinner. He’s going to throw up. He’s going to cry. He’s having a breakdown.

“Just tell me what to do,” he sobs, and crumples over the ledge of the box, his hands tearing at his hair, his face in his arms, weeping. “Someone just tell me what to do.”

He knew this was the sacrifice he was making when he locked him away. He knew it would hurt. He knew it would haunt him. But he didn’t know it would be quite this hard. He feels like it’s killing him. How long does he have to do this to keep his brothers safe? He wants someone else to take this terrible weight off his shoulders, this dragon out of his stomach. Why can’t he just tell them?

You know they would just let him go. And then Anti would see him, and Anti would use him, and Anti would kill the only people in the world that you love.

He has to protect Jackie. He has to protect Henrik. He has to protect Chase.

But he doesn’t know how much longer he can keep doing this.

It registers slowly that he’s never cried in front of Jameson before. He tries to keep the strong front up. He never really cries in front of anyone, actually. He shifts slightly on his arms, trying frantically to brush the tears away, and –

Oh.

Jamie is standing in front of him.

He’s hidden slightly behind the wall, staring shyly out at Marvin with huge blue eyes that look much too much like Henrik or Chase’s for his comfort, but this is something Marvin has mostly adjusted to. What he has never seen before is this level of exhaustion in Jamie’s young face. He is sallow and grey, with deep bags under his eyes. Refusing to eat – or not being able to get up through the weight of his distress – has left his face thin, and his usually oh-so-neat beard and mustache clump patchily around his cheeks and mouth. His clothes are wrinkled from days without changing. He seems to list as he stands.

Marvin stares at him, uncertain, breathing thickly through his nose and wiping his hot red tears away.

Jameson’s mouth parts like a word might come forth. He blinks wearily – Marvin wonders if he was, in fact, unconscious or asleep – and his timid hand moves forward as if to touch Marvin’s.

Instead, he takes the bag of noodles gently from between the bars of the cage, pulling it towards himself. He doesn’t take his eyes off of Marvin’s as he pulls out the black plastic fork, cracks open the little bowl of noodles, and carefully sticks a piece of beef in his mouth.

“Yeah!” cheers Marvin, his voice snapping in half once again, but this time for a good reason. He shoves at his disarrayed hair and stands up straight, coughing on the last of his tears. “Yeah, there you go! That’s right, there you go.”

Jamie’s pale mouth tilts in the smallest smile, blinking numbly across the bars at Marvin. He twirls a noodle on his fork and presses it into his mouth, and when Marvin nods again and babbles praise at him, Jameson seems to settle in some way, his mouth relaxing into the smile, though he’s still got this strange film over his eyes that Marvin doesn’t like or recognize.

“Just eat your pasta and you’ll feel all better,” Marvin reassures, standing in relief at the front of the box, stroking his own wrists to calm himself. “You really are the nicest kid, Jamie, you really are.”

Jameson’s mouth flickers, though the smile does not fade. Marvin stands in front of him, catching his breath, finding his calm again. After a couple minutes, Jamie steps back to his corner and sits down, still looking at Marvin and eating his pasta slowly, his head drooping every now and then, as though he cannot bear to stay awake.

“How can you be so tired if you’re just sleeping all day?” asks Marvin.

Jameson doesn’t answer, his hands picking robotically at his noodles.

“Can you sign? Can you hear me alright?”

Jameson puts a piece of broccoli in his mouth and chews slowly, staring straight ahead.

Marvin would be lying if he said he wasn’t a little unnerved, but more than anything he’s just relieved he’s eating again. “You must be feeling sick, huh? If you don’t get better soon, I’ll pick you up some medicine. And you can have those noodles again if you want, okay? As long as you eat, I’ll get you any food you want, little mister. Yeah?”

James nods slowly and twirls up more noodles, raising his gaze to him.

“Good work,” says Marvin, feeling much more at peace than he did when he came in here fifteen minutes ago. This was what he needed – just to know there were things he could fix a little. He won’t let JJ die. It’s going to be okay. “Thank you, petit-o. I think I need to go sort things out with Schneep, but I’ll be back tomorrow morning, okay? Okay.”

He straightens out his shirt and turns to go. There is a moment of silence, and then – plastic crashing to the floor, hands slamming against the bars of the cage, and a desperate choke like the dead end of a voiceless scream.

Marvin whirls back, alarmed. Jamie is staring at him from behind the bars, his face gritted with distress, shaking his head and crying. His pale fingers grip desperately at the wood of the box, scoring scratches into the edge of it, tears running down his sickly face.

“Fuck’s sake! What?”

“Alone, alone, alone,” signs Jameson, stopping only to curl in on himself and pull at his hair, choking for air. He shakes his head hard, wheezing. “No, no, no!”

“Jameson.” Marvin moves back towards him again. “Hey, calm down. Calm down, it’s okay.”

He stares up at Marvin, making a little noise like a broken squeak that makes Marvin distinctly uncomfortable. Jameson manages one deep breath and then drops out of view for a second, crouching down. He comes back up again with pasta in his hands and quickly puts a noodle in his mouth, chewing quickly, reaching a hand out for Marvin through the bars.

Marvin draws back, alarmed.

“Come on,” he says, shaking his head. “Come on, don’t – hell, Jamie, you’re okay.”

“I’m losing my mind, I’m losing my mind!” He shakes his hands out as he speaks, scratching at his palms between words, groaning with only his breath and jumping slightly, like there’s too much energy in his body and he can’t get it out. It almost reminds Marvin of Jackie when he’s under-stimulated, but he’s never seen peaceful, shy little Jameson acting like this. “I can’t live like this anymore! I’m going crazy, I’m going crazy!”

“Don’t say that,” snaps Marvin, a thrill of fear electrifying his fingers. “Stop it!”

“What am I doing wrong?” Jameson’s hands scream, his body shaking with that horrible energy, his pupils blown wide. “Why can’t I make anybody love me?”

“That’s not – that’s not why – ”

“I can be like your real brothers if you just give me a chance, I promise! I’ll go to medical school! I’ll learn to fight! I can be nice like Chase, I swear! I’m trying so hard! I’m being so good, please!”

“You don’t understand. I’ve explained this to you before!”

“I’ll eat all the pasta you want!” He picks beef off the ledge and puts it his mouth. “I’m so good! I’m so good! I do everything you ask! I did everything Anti asks! Nobody wants me, not even my own brothers. I promise I’d be really nice and good if someone would just let me go!”

“Stop it!” shouts Marvin, and his power bursts out of him without a single warning but for that burning in his fingers, and he sees the boy stagger back just the same as Henrik did. Jameson crashes to the floor, covered in Japanese pan noodles and beef, a streak of magic burned across his cheek, and for a second, Marvin sees the desperation in his eyes – and then he goes dead again.

Jameson rubs at the burn, snuffling softly, his eyes quiet, staring straight ahead. He stands up. Moves to his corner. Sits down. Hugs his knees to his chest. And goes still.

“Jamie?” calls Marvin to his little brother’s back, his heart pounding in his chest. “Jamie, I didn’t…”

Jameson doesn’t move.

Marvin swears and steps back, feeling ill once again.

“What am I doing?” he whispers, rubbing at his forehead.

This is like torture. This is like torturing him. This is what Anti did.

Marvin is finally sick the moment he gets back to his bedroom, falling to his knees beside the little waste bin beside his bed and throwing up until there’s nothing but bile dripping from his lips.

He thinks…

Fuck. Fuck.

He thinks he needs to tell Jackie.

He’s already crying just at the thought of it. He can see the look on his face. The betrayal.

But he doesn’t think he can do this anymore. He’s breaking Jameson completely. He’s tearing himself apart. And he still, after these long months have passed, has no idea how he’s ever supposed to change this situation.

This is what he has to do.

He’s on his feet, feeling unsteady and ill. Talking to Jackie won’t make tonight better, but maybe, maybe, he’ll have some relief in the days to come. Maybe Jackie can help him carry this weight.

He steps out into the hallway and there is blood on the carpet.

Marvin’s own distress dissipates into fear for his family. “Guys!” he cries, all but leaping towards the living room, magic cackling in his fingers. “Henrik! Chase! Jackie?”

“Is that him? Marvin, we’re down here!”

“Chase?” He hurries down the hall towards their little ‘first aid room.’ “Who’s hurt? Is everyone okay?”

“Jackie found Anti!”

He shoves into the room, eyes huge. Chase hurries forward to comfort him, standing back from the table where Henrik is pinning Jackie carefully down, their older brother groaning and heaving with blood and terror. Marvin races past Chase, curling over Jackie’s body, taking his brother’s face in his hands. “Jackie, baby,” he croaks. “Anti did this to you?”

“He doesn’t know where JJ is!” Jackie shrieks, tears running down his face. If Henrik wasn’t holding him, he’d be thrashing. Blood leaks from a wound in his side. “He was taunting me! He said it must hurt to know he was going to take him from me again! He thought he was still with us! Anti doesn’t have Jameson!”

Marvin’s blood runs cold. Even the air panting through his mouth seems to have gone cold.

“Jackie, be calm!” snarls Henrik, shoving him down on the table. “You’re making this worse.”

“My baby brother, my baby,” screams Jackie, throwing his head back and forth. “He ran away and God knows where he is now! Homeless or lost or being fucking trafficked, my little brother! No, no, Jamie! I would have taken care of him, I would have loved him so hard. Why didn’t I make him feel safer, why did I fall asleep, I’ll never fucking forgive myself…”

“Marvin!” snaps Henrik, grabbing his shirt. “Focus! Tell me you have something to calm him down.”

“Right, right, sorry.” What does he have on hand? He thinks he has a calming spell somewhere, but he needs incense, and somewhere in the back of his mind there’s a memory of a spell for pain relief, but right now all he remembers is…

One sleep spell.

He curses himself quietly, squeezing his eyes shut.

“I’m going to sedate him,” he tells his little brother, and Henrik nods tersely.

Marvin affixes his hands to the back of Jackie’s head, holding him gently, summoning the spell.

“No, no,” sobs Jackie, tearing at his hands. “Let me stay awake. I want to fucking feel this. I want to feel every second of it. I want to remember this hatred when I find the person who’s keeping him from me.”

“Jackie… I…”

“I’ll make them regret being born,” spits Jackie, a sob mangling his fury. “I’ll kill them. Jameson… why didn’t I protect him…”

“It wasn’t your fault,” whispers Marvin, his voice trembling. “You did everything you could.”

“I shouldn’t have fallen asleep,” Jackie whispers back, wrapping his fingers around Marvin’s. “I was meant to be guarding him.”

“Go to sleep,” murmurs Marvin. “Go to sleep. In the morning, it won’t hurt so bad.”

He presses into Jackie’s head the same sleep spell that left him unconscious the night he stole Jameson away. For a second, he almost thinks he sees something like recognition in Jackie’s vivid blue eyes – but then sleep is scooping him up, and Jackie’s eyes flicker, and he fades trustingly into Marvin’s hands.

“Thank you,” says Henrik, oblivious to the intensity Marvin is feeling, and he hurries to peel back Jackie’s shirt and begin working on the wound.

“Is he going to be okay?” asks Chase, scooting forward and putting a hand on his shoulder, peering over Henrik at Jackie on the table.

“It will be a painful wound, but he will heal just fine if we can convince him to rest.”

“Do you think… that’s true?” Chase’s eyes flicker up to Marvin’s. “That Anti doesn’t have JJ?”

“Maybe he was just trying to upset Jackie,” mumbles Marvin, stepping back from his brother’s body.

“Jackie would be more upset to know that Anti had JJ and was torturing him,” replies Henrik, shaking his head. “A picture of Jameson in pain would have sent Jackie even more wild than this. It doesn’t make sense. He must really not have him.”

“Is that good news?”

“I’m not sure,” says Henrik uncertainly. “Maybe. Unless someone even worse has gotten their hands on him. It is a big world for a young man who has never known anything but Anti and the 1900s. And Jameson is supposed to be powerful. I fear the people who would seek to use him the same way Anti did. Right, Marvin?”

For a second, Marvin thinks he knows, but then he realizes Henrik is only deferring to the person in the room with the most experience with magic. “Right,” he manages weakly.

“You look pale,” says Chase, back at it with that same much-too-soft voice he used before.

“Chase, take your brother to lie down,” commands Henrik. “I need to concentrate on this.”

“I’m sorry for throwing that at you,” Marvin tells him even as Chase moves around the table to wrap an arm around his waist. “I don’t know what got into me, Henrik, I just…”

“Let’s talk about it when everyone’s calmer,” answers Henrik, not looking up from his work. “Myself included.”

Marvin lets Chase lead him away, listening to his little brother blabber about JJ and Anti and Jackie and Schneep, though he doesn’t seem to take in a word of it. All he can focus on is the warm weight of Chase’s body pressed to his own.

He’s not sure, suddenly, if Jackie would forgive him if he knew what he had done.

He broke Jackie’s heart that day.

Tears threaten to fall and Marvin squeezes his eyes shut, breathing in the smell of Chase, the feel of Chase, the comfort and safety and familiarity of Chase. To his surprise, his little brother has decided to take him to his room instead of Marvin’s, and he’s grateful. He doesn’t want to be in there right now, with the mirror gleaming hatefully beneath its covering, waiting for him to come back and face what he’s done. He just wants to be with Chase.

“Lie down with me, yeah?” asks Chase, changing into a sleep shirt and cuddling up in bed. “You’ve seemed spooked all day. I’m worried about you.”

Marvin nods numbly and crawls into the covers beside him. Chase keeps talking, but Marvin doesn’t hear. Just focuses on the arms wrapping warmly around his neck, and Chase’s weight curled up beside him.

This is what he would lose if the others found out.

They would let Jameson go, and then Anti would use him to hurt his family even worse than he did this night. Or maybe… maybe…

Maybe Jackie wouldn’t even keep him around to let him watch that happen.

Maybe Jackie would hurt him, if he knew.

No. Marvin has to shake the thought off. He knows what he did was wrong, but he did it to protect them and to spare Jackie from having to make the difficult choice that Marvin knows was necessary. He did what he had to do.

Right?

“Marvin?” whispers Chase, when the evening light has gone and the moon hangs over him. “Hey. Are you crying? What’s wrong?”

Marvin doesn’t answer, shuddering against Chase’s body. He buries himself in his brother’s chest and he does not move.

------------------------

Taken from the Marvin’s Cage AU: Marvin is the one keeping Jameson in the little puppet box so that Anti can’t use him to hurt his family. When Jackie finds out, he sets Jameson free and throws Marvin out of the house, cutting off all communication from him and leaving him to devolve into hatred and magical corruption. Jackie becomes ferociously over-protective and grieves the loss of his brother while Jameson is just trying to understand what it is that happened to him and learn to live a normal, happy life with the help of his brothers.

Find Part One here if you missed it.

#marvin's cage #writers of jack #bee writes #weight mention #imprisonment tw #extreme distress tw #psychological torture tw

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moonstruckholland · 5 years ago

Note

What about a Tom imagine where he starts having nightmares kind of like Peter does in FFH? And filming those scenes really freaked Tom out so he starts holding onto you as he falls asleep and he’s clingier than normal because he’s so scared to lose you or that those scenes will become real. With a really fluffy ending of him explaining why he’s been doing what he’s doing

Here you go, sweets! I'm not sure if I did right and I made it into a headcanon, I hope you don't mind and enjoy it nonetheless! I'm sorry this took me forever

Tom jolted awake, sweat soaking through his pajamas, his heart beating so fast he thought it was going to burst from his chest

This was the third time just this week he had a nightmare

There'd been so many over the past month, he wasn't sure how he could even keep count

They all started differently and relatively normal

You'd be on a date, or just walking around the city, enjoying each other's company, when things would take a turn for the worst

A mugger or someone reminiscent of a Marvel villain would pop out of the shadows, focused on terrorizing you, literally taking you away from Tom

Suddenly he'd find himself in his Spider-Man suit and out of instinct, he'd try using his webbing to swing towards you

Every time, he'd be on the verge of reaching you when everything would go black and all he could hear were your agonizing screams

He'd wake up, covered in sweat, scared you wouldn't be next to him and he'd stay up for the duration of the night, making sure you were safe and breathing

With each nightmare, it took a toll on him more and more and he found himself constantly worried for your well being

He started canceling dates and turning down invitations to outings with friends, insisting he'd rather stay home

You started growing concerned over his behavior, but whenever you asked, he say it was nothing

He truly believed it was, making excuses for his increase in anxiety, he didn't think it was something he needed to tell you

Well, until tonight

This nightmare was different from the rest

The two of you were cuddling on the couch, watching a movie

And during a commerical break, you decided to grab one of Tom's sweatshirts from the upstairs bedroom, something that should've taken barely five minutes to do

Ten had already passed and you had yet to come down

"Y/n?" Tom had called out, hoping you'd gotten caught up in your phone or something, "Baby, are you alright?"

He got no response

He quite literally jumped up from the couch, running up to your bedroom, every nerve in his body screaming at him that something was wrong

That was when he found you

You were on the floor, unconscious, his sweater in your hand

He was by your side in an instant, gently pulling you onto his lap, checking your body for wounds or injuries of some sort and finding nothing

"Please, wake up, princess," he pleaded as he started to cry, "Please."

But he was too late, you were gone

Tom watched you for a moment, making sure you were still breathing, before stumbling to the bathroom and bursting into tears the second he shut the door

The dream kept replaying in his head over and over, mocking him, terrifying him

What hurt him the most about it was he wasn't even given them opportunity to try and save you, as if his subconscious already knew he would fail

He didn't know how long he stayed there for, crying, feeling stupid for letting these dreams affect him to such a degree

He probably would've stayed there for the rest of the night if you hadn't of knocked on the bathroom door, scaring the life out of him

"Tommy? Baby? Are you okay? You've been gone for a while."

"Can you come in, princess?" He asked, voice raspy from all the crying.

You didn't hesitate to open the door, your heart breaking at the sight of him

His face was red and splotchy, cheeks glistening with tears

He gave you a weak smile, "I've been having nightmares."

"Aw, honey," you immediately sat next to him and wrapped your arms around him, pulling him towards you

"Do you wanna talk about them?"

"They're so horrible," he choked out, attempting to hold back another round of sobs

You listened to him describe every dream, running your hand through his hair soothingly as shook and cried

"If I can't even save you in a dream, how I am supposed to save you out in the real world?" He asked after telling you the dream that caused him to break down tonight

You didn't think it was possible, but your heart broke even more when you realized this was the cause of his strange behavior lately

He was just trying to keep you safe

"Tommy, I know you play a superhero, but it's not your job to protect me all the time."

"I don't want to lose you."

"Hey," you pulled away for a second to meet his gaze, "I'm not going anywhere, okay?"

He nodded and you placed a kiss on his forehead before getting up

"Let's go to bed, baby," you helped him off the floor and back to your warm bed, wrapping the blankets around the both of you as you climbed in beside him

You gave him little kisses all over his face, managing to get a smile out of him

"I love you, y/n."

"And I love you, Tom."

You could see Tom's eyes already start drooping with sleepiness, so you snuggled him close, placing your head on top of his

"I hope you know I always feel safe when I'm with you."

Tom wasn't sure if it was because of what you said or the fact that he was finally honest about what had been bothering him, but for the first time in a while, Tom didn't have a nightmare

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rivalsforlife · 4 years ago

Note

one more ahaha but the cherry blossom scene at the end of catch up game ch 3 because i'm still thinking nonstop about it all the time 👀👉👈

ABSOLUTELY I CAN also for anyone reading this go look at Mika’s art which inspired this scene. It’s the tumblr version so you can reblog it too, which you should do, even if you don’t read my long rambling,

okay once again rambling below...

Traditionally, Larry Butz arrived at any social gathering anywhere from half an hour to three hours later than the time he was told, so all things considered, he was actually early. Phoenix wasted no time informing him of the latest betrayal among their small elementary school friend group.

this is a direct callout to one of my friends from high school, where we started seriously considering telling her that any social event we were planning started an hour earlier than it actually did so that she’d make it there on time. We never did in case this turned out to be the time she actually made it on time, but still.

“Larry, remember that one time we were trying to make that gigantic hopscotch game, and we ran out of chalk?” He pointed an accusatory finger at Edgeworth, who sighed. “It turns out, Edgeworth hid it all along!”

Larry blinked, then shrugged. “Oh yeah, right, that. Well, I kind of had an idea…”

“Wh — You hid this from me too?! D-Death! The death penalty for the both of you!”

“Why does this all sound so familiar,” Edgeworth commented under his breath.

I think this part is mostly there so Larry actually does something because I couldn’t find any real way to fit him into this fic...? Anyways the dialogue there with Phoenix threatening the death penalty on Miles and Larry is pretty much directly lifted from the end of Turnabout Goodbyes, which is why Miles comments on it sounding familiar.

They continued on in that vein for some time, dredging up old elementary school memories. Phoenix proclaimed to be the only innocent member of that group, before Edgeworth brought up a set of very nice gel pens Phoenix reportedly stole from him. Phoenix and Edgeworth got caught up in their argument, and barely even noticed when Larry wandered away, joining Maggey and Gumshoe at the fishing pond while Franziska critiqued them.

This sort of familiar banter was normal. As Edgeworth teased in that same way he had ever since Phoenix first faced him in court, he had to wonder if he’d just imagined the way Edgeworth had been looking at him during the party. Maybe everything was fine, after all.

Not pictured: Phoenix and Miles leaning in closer to each other as they argue. too close. Larry tries to comment but neither of them hear him. Eventually he just walks away because he’s sick of third-wheeling with these two. It’s my firm belief that if there weren’t the court benches in the way that they need to slam, these two would slowly walk closer and closer to each other as they argue because they. uh. want to “intimidate” each other. that’s why they’re nose to nose like that. the whole courtroom is suddenly very uncomfortable.

Haha anyways also I think these two would pick the dumbest things to argue about all the time? Never seriously arguing, the just like bickering because they don’t know how to hold conversations about their feelings.

“You still haven’t explained exactly what happened to my gel pen set,” Edgeworth accused, as they circled around the argument for the third time.

Phoenix threw his hands up in the air. “I just forgot to return it! I didn’t know you were so bothered by it. You should have brought it up!”

“Back then? You were so sensitive. If I brought up that you might have upset me in the least, you would have burst into tears.”

“I wasn’t that sensitive.”

Edgeworth sighed. “Wright, you cried when I got a question wrong on a spelling test, because you thought I would be sad about it.”

“And you were!” Phoenix retorted. “You cried for like an hour!”

“Because when you started crying, I thought it was something I had to be ashamed of!”

More bickering, pretty much! Also I do think Phoenix cried A Lot and was super sensitive up until the whole Dahlia trial which traumatized him pretty badly...

Anyways the REAL story behind this incident which I am making up just now is probably that Miles was on the verge of crying because of Getting Something Wrong -- which I totally get, I absolutely almost cried over spelling tests as a baby -- and Phoenix picked up on this and realized his best friend was sad and started crying, which made Miles start to fully cry, and it just became a mess.

Meanwhile Larry with the 3/10 on his spelling test was just like “I don’t get what you guys are so upset about a 9/10 is great” which just makes them cry even more.

(Then Gregory probably found out about this incident and sat Miles down and gave him a speech about “everyone makes mistakes and it’s okay to not be perfect all the time, this is a learning opportunity and it shows you what you need to work on!”

That sentiment didn’t last very long.)

Wow I’m getting off topic, moving on --

Phoenix crossed his arms. “I remember this whole thing very differently than you do. You cried first.”

“I never cried in fourth grade.”

Phoenix leaned in and whispered into his ear, “Origami.”

“Do not bring that up!” Edgeworth hissed as Phoenix reared back, laughing.

I don’t know if you need to lean in super close and whisper that in his ear though Phoenix, that might be a bit unnecessary. Miles got lucky here in that his Eternal Shame over not being able to fold an origami crane in fourth grade overrode whatever reaction he undoubtedly would have had about Phoenix’s face being very close to his face.

Anyways this banter is here in the fic mostly because I really wanted to show them being all comfortable and happy with each other. That was a major thing I wanted to push as much as possible in these earlier chapters, that they do care about each other a lot even before we enter the more outright romantic territory.

“Regardless, I am certain you took my gel pen set, so don’t try to blame faulty memory on that one. I bet you carelessly used them all up, didn’t you?”

“Hardly! I wouldn’t even touch it after you left. It reminded me of you.”

Some of the fight left Edgeworth’s stance. “Really?”

“Well… yeah.” He wasn’t sure why the admission suddenly felt like a confession of an entirely different sort.

aw man Phoenix you brought feelings into your banter NOW what are you going to do.

I’m preeetty sure I have books that I lent to my friends in fourth grade that they never gave back so it’s of course not an inherently romantic thing, they probably just forgot it was mine and obviously aren’t going to bring it back now ten years later, but for Phoenix in this case it was probably more like “I borrowed these gel pens from Miles and then keep forgetting to give them back but was going to after winter break, and then he left, so I need to hold onto them until he comes back”. Miles was taken from his life so suddenly it probably had a huge effect on him, especially since he had few friends at the time and Miles made such a big impact on him.

The two of them sat underneath the tree in a sudden, serene quiet. They’d both discarded their suit jackets at some point, down to their dress shirts and waistcoats. Phoenix pretended not to notice the way Edgeworth’s eyes darted across the line of his shoulders and lingered longer than they should have.

I don’t ever really pay much attention to what people are wearing or what they look like at any particular time when I’m writing, but in this case I took extra care to make sure they were in the same outfits as in the art that inspired this!

Maybe I’ll ramble a bit more about that! Pretty much the “theme” of narumitsu week this year was “cherry blossoms”, so I wanted to find some way to incorporate them into this fic somewhere somehow. I decided to have that as a focus on Free Day because I enjoy having structure and wasn’t sure what to have for the day.

Some of this scene, mainly the picnic, is inspired by that one official art here. The first iteration of this chapter had everyone in it (with the obvious exceptions of Diego and Mia) but then I took out Maya and Pearl for reasons I explained when I was talking about the scene in chapter 6 where I decided to cut a lot of Maya’s scenes out of this fic... even though I love her a lot.

And of course when I thought about cherry blossoms and narumitsu I thought about Mika’s art, yes I am linking it again, which I believe she posted about a month or so before I started planning and I was Thinking About It Constantly. It’s gorgeous and since there was the perfect opportunity to use it here I just couldn’t resist and here we are.

Back to the paragraph: Miles attempted to subtly check Phoenix out. It was not subtle.

“Do you still have those gel pens?” Edgeworth asked, softer. “I think you owe me them, after everything.”

“Oh, shut up,” said Phoenix, but it was difficult to have a heated argument right now, for some unknown reason. “If I still have them, they’re in a box somewhere. Plus, they ought to have dried up by now.”

“I doubt it.” A faint smile was beginning to crawl on Edgeworth’s face. “Those gel pens were state of the art.”

“Sure they were,” Phoenix dismissed. “And, what, you’re going to use them? Sign your fancy prosecutor documents in bright pink?”

“What makes you think I don’t do that already?”

“You wouldn’t — oh, wait, of course you’d have customized ink in the same colour as your entire wardrobe, who am I even talking to…”

“Mhm.” Edgeworth brushed his bangs from his eyes, a motion that Phoenix’s brain decided to fixate on for some reason. “But really, you went to all the trouble of keeping the set, and you never used any of them?”

(Miles voice) “oh so you kept something as trivial as that for so long because they reminded you of me? Tell me more. Why do you want a reminder of me. What exactly do you think of me, Wright,”

hm pretty much as soon as Phoenix brought Feelings into this conversation the atmosphere kind of changed and you can now imagine Miles staring with the most adoring expression at Phoenix while Phoenix is ignoring this with such intensity that it doesn’t even show up in his narration. But he also watches the way Miles brushes his bangs from his eyes, so he’s not much better.

And thinking about it now this scene really went on for too long about gel pens hahaha...

“Objection!” Phoenix declared. “I used the blue one to write you letters at first.”

“Ah, of course you did. I never got any of those… How many did you send?”

“I don’t even want to know…”

Edgeworth hummed and looked off into the distance, where Gumshoe was demonstrating how to cast a line. “Your level of dedication is something else,” he said, as if to himself.

“Well, yeah. You were my only non-Larry friend. You were…” Phoenix swallowed. “You were important to me, you know? You saved me.”

“You keep bringing that up. You’ve more than returned the favor, you know that, don’t you?”

“I’m inclined to disagree.”

I don’t have a consistent headcanon about whether Miles got or read the letters, in this fic presumably von Karma intercepted them and got rid of them... and then presumably Miles ignored any that were sent to him as an adult.

Also these two are going to have ridiculous arguments about who saved who until they’re on their deathbeds, I’m sure.

Edgeworth turned back towards him as if to retort, but stopped halfway, his eyes widening slightly as he stared at Phoenix.

“... Something on my face?” Phoenix asked, trying to quell the feeling of some sort of anxiety that bubbled up when Edgeworth stared at him like that.

insert mikacherryblossomart.png

Miles turns away for one second and then suddenly oh no he’s even more gorgeous now

Edgeworth was silent for some time. Then, very softly, he said, “You have cherry blossom petals in your hair.”

“What? Do I?” He reached a hand up to brush them out, but Edgeworth stopped him by grabbing his wrist, freezing Phoenix.

“With your hair, you’ll never get them out like that.” With his spare hand, Edgeworth began to pick each individual petal from his hair. “You look so — silly, Wright.”

Partially a callback to the beginning of chapter 3, when they were kids:

“Y-Your hair,” Miles managed to say through stifled laughter. “One of the flowers fell into it.”

Phoenix hands shot up into his hair. “Really?”

“You look so silly, Phoenix.” When Phoenix failed to find the flower, Miles reached out. “Here, let me.”

Phoenix remained still as Miles reached up to the top of his head and picked the flower out of his hair. “Your hair’s really soft,” Miles said quietly, before handing it over to Phoenix. “Here you go.”

because Miles apparently remembered that it was difficult for Phoenix to get the petals from his hair the first time, and also, wanted an excuse to touch Phoenix’s hair again.

But also the dialogue and interactions are ONCE AGAIN INSPIRED BY MIKA based on this reply to my reply to the art on twitter. look at that you can go and retweet the art on twitter too!

Overall this gives us an accurate Thoughts to Speech translator for Miles:

Miles: You have cherry blossom petals in your hair and it is going to kill me.

Phoenix: What? Do I?

Miles: No, wait, don’t brush them out, I want to touch your hair because it is soft and this is the perfect excuse. You look so captivating.

if Miles had said that out loud though it would probably have killed both of them.

Phoenix let out an awkward, low laugh, starting somewhere deep within his chest. “R-Really.”

“Mhm.”

Edgeworth’s eyes locked with Phoenix’s, and time seemed to freeze. There was a sudden thrum of tension in the air, as if Phoenix were in a play and he’d suddenly forgotten his lines, forgotten he was supposed to be in a play at all.

(chanting) “kiss kiss kiSS KISS KISS --”

But before either of them could break the sudden spell over them, a fishing hook whirred through the air, and —

“Ack, I — I think I got it stuck!”

but of course that needs to be interrupted at the worst possible time because this is fanfiction and this is how things work!

“In the tree?! How did you even manage to get it that far?”

“Don’t worry about it, Maggey, I can climb up the tree and get it unstuck, just hang on —”

“No, no, if I just give it a big yank—”

“Maggey—!”

I broke the first rule of writing dialogue because I can’t really remember who’s supposed to be saying what. I think that Maya had a few lines here and then I didn’t change them since there were no dialogue tags...

Pretty much -- Maggey with her eternal luck tried to fish but released the line too early as she was swinging back so the line went back and got caught in the tree branches directly above Phoenix and Miles.

I think the dialogue progression goes Maggey -> Originally Maya but now either Larry or Franziska -> Gumshoe -> Maggey -> everyone going MAGGEY NO!!!

I remember going fishing with my grandpa once a long time ago and either I or my brother did get the fishing line stuck in a tree. would not recommend.

The branch above Phoenix and Edgeworth jostled, and pink petals burst all around them, fluttering down and catching in their hair and on their clothes. One petal even fell behind Edgeworth’s glasses.

They stared at each other for a moment, stunned, Edgeworth’s hand still loosely wrapped around Phoenix’s wrist, as Maggey shouted apologies from the distance.

There are no cherry blossom trees where I live so I have no idea if we’re even in the right season for this or if cherry blossom trees even behave this way - but I’m basing it off of... you know when it’s that point in fall where if you shake a tree branch leaves will just scatter everywhere? That.

Also RIP to the other four who were just having a grand old time fishing and then turn around seeing these two sitting really close to each other almost holding hands about two seconds away from a kiss... which they’d just interrupted...

And then — the most incredible thing happened, and Edgeworth began to laugh.

Phoenix could have catalogued all the laughs he heard from Edgeworth: the usual, short laughs often mistaken for a scoff by those who didn’t know him as well as Phoenix did; the triumphant, smug, courtroom laughs when he thought he had Phoenix cornered; to the quiet, restrained ones in private that were more of a hum than anything else. This laugh was new.

This was a full-on fit of laughter bubbling deep in his chest and spilling from his mouth, which Edgeworth quickly covered with his free hand, with the additional bonus of covering his reddening face. It wasn’t something hidden or faked or triumphant, it was genuine, and open, and Phoenix could swear it was one of the most beautiful sounds he ever heard.

Miles here is going through an emotional rollercoaster having been two seconds away from finally kissing the love of his life only to be interrupted at the worst possible time, which is just so on brand for the two of them that he can’t help but start laughing hysterically. Plus Phoenix probably looks absolutely shocked suddenly covered in petals, which doesn’t help.

Then the next two paragraphs are brought on by Phoenix Pining and also me wanting Miles Edgeworth to laugh more...

From my notes for this scene:

They stare at each other for a moment and laugh, and Miles’ laugh just utterly captivates Phoenix and makes him fall so completely in love immediately and oh no he is screwed he is utterly screwed.

So pretty much I had to encapsulate the “falling so completely in love immediately” part which I decided to do by focusing on Miles laughing. I wanted to draw a lot of attention to that which is why there are so many paragraphs dedicated to Miles laughing and Phoenix thinking about Miles laughing.

Trucy’s laughter always made the world feel a little brighter, and made Phoenix feel stronger. Edgeworth’s laugh did the opposite; it dislodged something inside of him, it weakened him, it made the whole world go soft and fuzzy around him. Instead of illuminating all the good in the world, it turned Phoenix’s world into one person.

More focus on Miles’ laughter but also... kind of drawing attention to Phoenix’s reaction to this being different from his reaction to other people he cares about laughing? Because feeling warm and happy when seeing someone you care about non-romantically laugh is normal, but then I wanted to make it clear that this is a different sort of feeling for Phoenix.

Also Phoenix has to realize this is a different sort of feeling for him because otherwise he could brush it off like he’s probably dismissed all of his romantic feelings throughout the years as “oh I’m just glad my friend is happy, and I rarely ever hear Edgeworth laugh so him being relaxed enough to laugh like that makes me feel happy too,” but it’s not what he’d expect if he just sees Miles as a friend. And it’s described as weakening in the paragraph because right now the subject of his romantic feelings for Miles isn’t something that Phoenix can fully or easily accept right now (as chapter 5 would indicate).

Edgeworth’s fit of laughter subsided, and he shifted his hand so he could look at Phoenix again, the hints of a shy grin peeking out between his fingers, his hair and his shirt and his face adorned with a sweet, gentle pink. It was like looking at an entirely different person — or, no, the same person, but with all armor off, all guards lowered.

Miles is very embarrassed right now but kind of... in a good way...? Like again, almost kissed the love of his life then rudely interrupted at the last possible moment, plus Phoenix’s whole reaction to the thing gave Miles the impression that Phoenix wanted to kiss him as well, so he’s feeling a little giddy. Plus he was just laughing a lot when he normally doesn’t do that. Overall he’s not used to expressing his emotions so he’s embarrassed and a little shy about it...

The part about Miles’ “hair and shirt and face adorned with a sweet, gentle pink” refers to both the cherry blossom petals (in his hair and clinging to his shirt and a bit on his face) and also him blushing quite a bit.

It all feels a little out of character honestly haha because Miles isn’t really the type to be blushing hardcore like this and be a little shy, buuut in this case I let myself get away with it because he’s dealing with romantic feelings he hasn’t ever dealt with at this level before, and it’s also out of character just enough to really strike Phoenix in the heart. You can just imagine him staring at Miles with the most lovestruck expression on his face because he hasn’t seen this side of Miles before and he loves it.

Phoenix’s heart stuttered in his chest, and may have stopped entirely.

He was screwed.

He was completely and utterly screwed.

And even Phoenix can’t deny that he’s super in love at this point.

I think I wrote this part, changed the words “screwed” to “doomed” right before posting, and then switched it back again for no particular reason. The Vibe just felt a little off but oh well.

Then the next chapter skips over the rest of this picnic but honestly Phoenix’s brain skipped over the rest of this picnic as well. Imagine the two of them just kind of standing around in a lovestruck daze for a while. I think Franziska had to physically drag Miles out of there. no one knows how Phoenix got home, not even Phoenix and least of all me!

But thank you Mika for requesting this!! And for drawing such incredible art for me to base the chapter around haha!!!

#dvd commentary meme #the catch-up game #asks

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in-my-clown-era · 5 years ago

Text

More losers club head cannons

You guys are probably gonna get tired of me posting about IT but like 🤷🏽‍♀️

Here’s a couple of more head cannons

-So Ben playing football am I right or am I right?

-I imagine this boy making it on varsity his freshman year

-cause like this boy is strong

-he’d probably be on defense

-because he not a tiny boi

-my boy Ben here is a big strong boy so he would awesome defense on the team

-I don’t know exact positions because I honestly don’t know anything about sports

-So I’m making do with what I know

-I’m gonna try to be more specific because there are more places on defense but I only know like two sooo

-he’d be on the defensive line

-that’s the tea on my boy Ben

-also he would give his varsity jacket for Bev to wear you can’t change my mind

-onto my other boy Mike

-in this he (obviously) isn’t homeschooled anymore

-he’d also make varsity freshman year

-he’d also be on the football team

-now due to constantly needing to run away from Henry and his goons this boy is FAST

-like he’s hella fast bruh

-so I imagine him being the running back of the team

-if any of the losers are cold he’ll give them his varsity jacket

-because he’s a nice boy

-and I love him

-honestly the actual football team fucking sucks

-Mike and Ben basically carry the team

-One time Mike got injured really bad during a game and it was chaos

-like holy shit they barely won

-the only reason they won was because of ya boy Ben

-So Yeah

-the football team it’s self sucks, but there are a couple of good (*ahem* amazing) players on it

-So like you know halftime show???

-yeah every home game (because home team performs second) Ben will see the very end of Bev’s performance (because she’s in the color guard)

-when the band marches off the field he actually gushes about how awesome they were

-Bev thinks it’s cute so she doesn’t have the heart to tell him that they were actual shit

-until this one time after a performance which was terrible

-It was the game before playoffs

-So it was cold

-between the cold, not being able to wear warm ups over their uniforms, and the actual awful coach Bev was pissed

-she put her flag back in her bag and put on her warm ups but as soon as she saw Ben she started to bawl

-Ben knew something was up because Bev r e f u s e d to cry

-his heart broke seeing her upset

-then Mike looked over and he didn’t know whether he should be sad or angry

-Mike is literally the mom of this group

-So as soon as he saw Bev crying his mama instincts kicked in

-they’re both sweet but will kick someone’s ass if they need to

-Mike made sure he would ask about what happened tomorrow

-I may or may not be projecting myself onto Bev rn

-Eddie wanted to actually fucking murder someone after that performance

-he almost cried out of pure anger but he didn’t

-he put his warm ups on because it’s like in the low 30s

- Richie saw Bev and Eddie talking though and saw that both of them were pissed

-he saw that Bev was crying and Eddie was on the verge of tears

-Now Richie’s pissed off okay

-and an angry Richie is not something you wanna fuck with

-you know that scene when like Richie got punched by Bill and he was fucking pissed and shit

-lets just remember that it took Mike and Stan to hold him back

-Mike’s a farm boy

-which means he’s v strong

-he was struggling to hold Richie back

-So yeah

-when Eddie and Bev told him what happened and everything he was

-like honestly he was ready to beat the shit out of the coach and the only reason he didn’t was because a) he wouldn’t hit a woman and b) he didn’t wanna get like get kicked out of band

-So the three of them went to get their food and calmed down a little

-but we all know that Bill and Stan showed up to the game to see their friends

-Stan, being the dad of the group was just as angry as everyone else

-Stan wanted to know what the fuck happened

-cause he was watching the performance and was like ???? Bitch??? The fuck??? Where the fuck are their jackets and shit

-he could see everyone in the auxiliary shivering

-the flag people were cold and so were the majorettes

-Bill was like please calm down we don’t need a scene to start

-Stan was literally waving his arms around at all the people wondering why the girls didn’t have jackets on

-their uniforms are like a tunic with capris okay so they’re hella cold out there in 30 degree weather

-then you know what happened the auxiliary coach walked by in her coat, all bundled up and said how cold she was

-Stan and Richie both almost lost it

-lets be honest Eddie and Bev almost did too

-Bill was trying to be the peacekeeper of the group

-poor poor Bill

-But he knew as well as anyone else that if you got those four going there was no stopping it

-But for once in his life Eddie was kind of happy his mom was there

-most times he wasn’t, he was miserable around her

-but she went off on the coach

-the next week they had their warmups on with layers on underneath

-the performance still sucked due to the lack of coaching but still

-they were less cold

-sooooo those are my little head cannon thingy ma bobs

-So with the whole cold and not wearing warm up situation I really fucking projected myself and I’m sorry but like

-it made for a good story thing

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livelovelaug-h · 5 years ago

Text

How you & Dr. Cox get together

Dr. Cox x reader small jd x reader

A/n: Sorry this is so long loll 😅 credit to @mona-stay for helping me with this and being my beta!!! 💕💕💕

It sucks when you like someone but it especially sucks when it's someone you're working with. it can be hard to get their attention especially in a hospital.

Of course you first thought Perry Cox was arrogant and full of himself. But it was all an act and he started growing on you the more the days went on. You guys didn't talk much but just seeing him around was enough to make your heart Start pumping out of its chest. He was so hot.

You heard a rumour that

"Cox has feelings for Carla" and they seemed pretty close so you didn't interfere. You got confused when Carla started dating Turk Jd's best friend. You and Jd talked only a little here & there, but when he broke up with Elliot you guys starting talking more and helplessly flirted. So you guys agreed to be friends with benefits.

Your feelings grew more for Perry when you saw his true colors on this one specific day:

Flashback

You were not having the best day. You lost two people. You lost a kid in the morning that was born premature and a girl who had terminal cancer. The rest of the day was going to torturous.

Crying in the medicine room for awhile, you heard someone come in. Perry Cox. You quickly wiped the tears away, picked up some random bottle to make it seem like that's why you were in there and started walking out.

"Hey, I was looking for you." He says with something in his voice you couldn't quite place.

"Look I don't need one of your world famous Dr. Cox lectures or rants right now. I know I could have done better I don't need you telling me too." You said.

"I wasn't gonna say that actually. I was going to tell you that I think you did a good job."

"Really?"

"Yeah ever since you started working here you haven't needed me half as much as the others. You're independent, smart, and there was nothing you could have done differently to save those lives." You were now on the verge of tears. "it would have happened no matter who was their doctor. Don't doubt yourself for a second."

"Wow... thank you. That means a lot coming from you." You let a tear shed, turning to walk away you heard: "Hey.. uh my shifts up in a few minutes wanna grab a cup of coffee?"

"Yeah sure, I'd love that."

~~~

You guys sat down after being in line getting your coffees. "Hey how are you feeling?"

"awful."

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asks.

"Well... we knew it was terminal and the day would come, but it doesn't make it any easier. It's not fair, she was so Young." He must have seen you were about to cry again so he put his hand over yours.

"It doesn't get easier but that just means you can't let it tear you down. It means you have feelings. I remember my first time losing someone, 20 years later I still react the same."

"What do you do with the pain?"

"I drink my pain away. Always will always have. Also every now and then I talk it out with someone. Maybe your boyfriend Abby can help you with that."

"Jd? Oh no we're not dating. I told him it would be better if we were just friends."

"Oh."

"What about you? Who's your special someone."

"No one at the moment."

You guys lost track of the time and stayed in the cafe over an hour just talking. He truly did make you feel better.

Jd came in the Lunchroom and started heading over to you guys:

"oh hey you guys are still here. Are you ready to carpool?."

"Yeah sure. By the way (you looked back at Cox) you were right it was nice talking with someone." You smiled at him.

"Of course I'm always right." He said teasing, which you laughed too.

"I really appreciated this. See you tomorrow."

"Yeah, see ya."

End of flashback

Since yesterday you couldn't stop thinking of him even more. You had to walk past him so you nodded saying "doctor Cox."

"Doctor (y/l/n)." He was smiling too much, but you didn't get to see since you were walking away. When you left he did a little "ugh" but the good one.

"Ooo looks like someone has a crush." Carla said.

"Oh no I don't."

"No? what do you call it when you smile like that?"

"I am not smiling - (he stops the smiling) no I'm not and I call it one of the only people in this hospital that doesn't drive me crazy? Ding ding ding ding ding we have a winner and it's not you anymore."

"Oh please you know I'm right!" She says while he walks away.

~~The next week~~

You had just finished up your shift and wanted to change from your scrubs. It had been a long day so you were ready for a drink. You had on a nice top that was a little revealing but hey Friday night was the night to let your hair down right?!

You were walking towards the front of the hospital where you seen Todd, Cox and Carla. Of course Todd was drooling. "Boobies. Oh… I mean you look hot." Todd blurted out before he could stop himself.

"Todd give It a rest." Cox said hitting him on the head.

Todd shrugs looking towards Carla "but she does look hot" he said low so cox wouldn't hear.

"You look nice." Perry says, taking a step closer. OMG HE THINKS I LOOK HOT. His tone sounded slightly sarcastic but the cheek wink and flirty smirk, definitely made it clear to you alone he really meant it. "going anywhere special?" he asked.

You could feel the blush on your cheeks burn, "erm only the local with these two" you pointed at Carla and Todd "the others are meeting us there, you should come"

"Ah no i don't want to Intrude."

"Oh no you won't be. Plus I'll need someone cool to talk to."

"I'll think about it." he winks.

"Hopefully I'll see you there."

The whole time you kept checking the door to see who was coming in and every time you got disappointed. He never showed up.

JD walked over to you and asked: "Hey why do you keep checking the door? who are you waiting for?"

You shrugged "no one." Carla gave you a sad smile.

You may have thought you had someones attention but maybe it wasn't enough to pull them in.

~~~

Fear is something we're constantly fighting. Weather its a new relationship or a new job it always seems to be there.

Carla walks in the hospital and sees Dr. Cox

"Why say your gonna be somewhere and not show up?''

"ahh don't let the bf hear you say that but I'm flattered you missed me."

Fear can make you do a lot of things like, not show up to something even though you really wanted to go.

"it's not me who missed you but if your gonna play y/n like you do all the interns I'm not gonna stand around and watch."

"y/n only wanted me there because I was there for her when she lost those people."

Carla soften up "maybe but that girl had eyes for you since day one and if weren't so full of it you would have seen that."

Cox is quiet for a moment and rubs his head.

"see you do like her too!"

"I don't and even if I did it can't happen."

"why?"

"Well it's unethical we work together"

"yeah right like that ever stopped you. Next excuse."

"so what? even if it's possible to date each other why would she want me, I'm sure she'll find herself some younger nicer boyfriend."

"Sure you are ignorant most of the time but we know that you are no Bob kelso. You are a good man and that's what she sees."

"Ehh yeah i don't know."

"I think you're just scared to commit." He stands quiet again. Carla was looking at something behind him.

"...But if you don't believe me you can ask her yourself." Perry turned and saw you standing there.

Maybe after all you did have their attention..

"is that really how you feel?" You asked him.

"look I like you but I'm older and I have a lot of baggage."

"we all have our baggage. And as long as the age I don't care. We don't have to get serious or jump right in, we can go out and have fun and just see where the feelings lead us. "

"that sounds good. Wanna go grab a drink after work? I promise I'll show up this time."

"i would love that." You giggle.

In the end it just takes talking it out with a friend to get over- well anything. In some cases it might help you realize that you shouldn't let fear hold you back.

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lovemesomesurveys · 5 years ago

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1. If we returned to a world without internet, what aspect of online life would you miss the most? Wow, that would really, really suck, ha. For someone like me with no life and who spends a lot of time on the internet... yikes. Sounds sad, but it’s true. I would miss Tumblr and surveys and checking my social medias and looking up random stuff and shopping online. I mean, obviously I’d have to adapt and move on, and hey maybe something good would come from it, but yeah just imagining that sounds awful haha. 2. What food are you craving at the moment? I’m not hungry right now, but I am thinking about that pizza I had Monday haha. It was SO good. I could definitely go for another. 3. Are you craving anything aside from food, and if so, what? I wanna travel. Last week my dad flew out to visit family and I was so envious that he was getting to fly somewhere and get out of town/state for a few days. I’ve only flown a total of 2 times, which was over 10 years ago now. I’ve gone along to take and pick up people from the airport many times; though, and each time I always get the urge to fly somewhere. I get this butterfly type feeling each time I’ve gone to the airport and I just wanna gooooo.

4. Where was the last place you went and what did you do there? I went to the doctor yesterday for my monthly check up on something ongoing I’ve been dealing with. 5. What was the highlight and low point of your summer (or whatever season you happen to be taking this in)? The only good parts about this summer was the few times I went to the beach, my birthday weekend vacation, saw some good movies, and my aunt (whom I’m super close with) came and stayed with a for a few days last week and it was really fun. Otherwise, I despise summer, it’s hot and miserable. I dread it every year and I just look forward to it being over. 6. What was the last change you made to your lifestyle? Hmm. 7. What was the last thing you gave up doing? Uhhh. I feel like I’ve given up on a lot of things in the last few years. Myself most of all. 8. Do you deal well with criticism? Does it make a difference if it’s constructive? I mean, if someone wants to offer some helpful, useful advice that could be beneficial to me that’s cool. Just don’t be rude about it. If I’m doing something and there’s possibly a better way to do it, then suggest that in a way that doesn’t come off condescending or rude. I’m most critical on myself anyway. I will say; though, it does annoy me if someone keeps telling me something that I should do that I already know I should do. Don’t criticize me constantly for it. Don’t nag me. 9. What was the last thing to boost your self-esteem? What sort of things typically make you feel good about yourself? My self-esteem is shit, but I know it’d be nice to get my hair done finally. It’s been over a year and it looks so bad and I always like how my hair looks and feels after I get it done. Like, I’m still a mess but at least my hair would look nice. 10. When it comes to food, do you prefer crunchy or softer textures? I like some crunch, but not hard. Like the right amount of crunch and crispiness, ya know? Depending on what it is, of course. I like soft textures as well. I eat everything with sauce, dips, or olive oil because I can’t eat things dry. Like my sandwiches, for example, I put a lot of mayo and mustard, but I also dip it in olive oil. Or like I eat eggs with ranch, unless I have country gravy with them. 11. Do you prefer savory or sweet things for breakfast? I just eat scrambled eggs with spinach and cheese for breakfast, sometimes in the form of a breakfast burrito. Hash browns are a great bonus. I used to eat like cereal, pop tarts, toaster strudels, granola bars, oatmeal, and waffles, but now I can’t eat a lot of sweet stuff anymore. Plus, I just prefer to have eggs. There’s more substance and I get something good out of it like protein. Honestly, I used to never even have breakfast at all, I just liked breakfast foods like I listed above. It’s only within the last year especially that I started to eat breakfast regularly. 12. When was the last time someone disappointed you? What about the last time you disappointed someone else? I’ve been very disappointed in myself for a long time. I feel like I’ve disappointed my family and former friends, too. 13. What is something you can’t seem to stop doing (or start)? I can’t seem to stop being a mess or start getting my shit together... 14. When was the last time you made a new friend? What about the last time you lost a friend? I haven’t made any friends in years. I lost all my friends over the past few years. 15. What was the last thing you were excited about? What about nervous? I was excited about having my aunt come and stay with us last week and for our beach trip last weekend. We had a really good time. As for nervous, this is a long story time so grab a snack and buckle up:

I was full on freaking out last Sunday, after having a great, relaxing time at the beach, because as we were turning the corner to our street, we got notifications on our phone from our security camera, which at almost 10 o’clock at night, was like wtf?? Before any of us had time to check it, we saw for ourselves the reason why it was going off: As we turned we saw firetrucks, smoke, and our neighbors all standing around outside, some of which were standing at our door, hence the security alerts going off. We saw our house and our neighbor’s house that we’re connected to engulfed in smoke. We had no idea what was going on, but our first and only thought and concern was our dog, who was in the house. I start literally crying and freaking out because like I said, we didn’t know what was going on, but what I described seeing as we turned the corner was terrifying and my only concern was my dog. My mom stops the car and she and my brother jump out and run up to our house. My brother comes back out running to the car with my dog, who was physically fine, THANK GOD, but very scared. She jumped in the back with me and I just held on to her the entire time while my mom, aunt, and brother went back to find out what the hell was going on. Turns out that our neighbor, whose house is connected to ours, was working on his car in the garage and his engine caught fire. Being that our houses are connected, the smoke came over to our side and filled up our garage. It was so bad that it was coming out the sides, which is why it looked like it was our house that had the fire. When my mom opened up the garage, she said the smoke was so thick that she couldn’t even see anything. It was crazy. The firefighters had to do a walkthrough of our house to make sure it was fine and checked for carbon monoxide and all that, and had to use their big blower thing to clear out the smoke in our garage. Our house was fine, we just had to open the windows up in our house and air it for awhile. The smell was strong; though, and the smoke was very irritating to my throat. OH, and the reason why our other neighbors were standing at our door was because they thought we were home asleep and they were trying to alert us of the fire. One girl even jumped our fence to bang on our backdoor. They were banging and yelling for awhile, apparently. My mom and I watched the video camera footage later and saw everything and omg it was so crazy. You can tell how scared and concerned they were. And the smoke was so bad at that point that they were coughing and covering their mouths, but they continued banging on our door and trying to yell out to alert us. D: It meant SO much that they cared and were genuinely concerned about us like that. We couldn’t stop thanking them. Ahh but anyway yeah, it was w i l d. And this was just a few days after there was another fire a few houses down from us. :O 16. What is something small that you take extremely personally? Hm. I don’t know. I’m a sensitive person, so. 17. What is your favorite thing about your favorite person? I don’t really have a favorite person. I love my family and I’m close to some more than others, but I don’t choose favorites like that. 18. What is something you wish other people knew about you? I don’t know. 19. What is something you wish others DIDN’T know? Uhhh. 20. When was the last time you comforted someone who was upset? When my aunt and I get together it always ends up turning into a therapy session between us. We stay up late and talk about everything and yeah, sometimes it gets pretty deep. Anyway, I was just lending an ear and letting her vent about some things. 21. What was going on the last time you couldn’t sleep? Every night I stay up and watch ASMR, Tumblr, and do surveys until I fall asleep. 22. What are your plans for the day ahead (or tomorrow if it’s late)? I don’t have any today, but tomorrow my mom and I are dropping off my brother and his friend at a concert. It’s out of town, so I wanted to tag along for the ride. 23. Do you tend to be more grumpy when you’re tired or when you’re hungry? Both. Like, I’m always tired, but when I first wake up you do not want to talk to me before I’ve had coffee and had time to wake up. I also get quite hangry. 24. When was the last time you yelled at someone? I don’t know. I yelled out to someone so they could hear me, but I don’t recall the last time I yelled at someone. 25. What types of things typically cause you to cry? Blah some days it’s like I’m on the verge of tears all day and any thing can set me off. Other times there’s a specific reason, other times it’s a combination or build up of things that lead to crying. There’s various reasons. I’m just a cry baby. 26. When was the last time someone else cried in your presence? It’s been awhile, actually. 27. What is one thing that would make your life a lot better? Better health. 28. What is something you are grateful to already have in your life? My family. 29. How would you describe your overall aesthetic? Leggings, graphic Ts, and Adidas. 30. What is one of your most positive characteristics? What about one of your most negative? Does it bother you when you see certain aspects of yourself in other people, or does it depend on the trait? I have a lot of negative traits. I’m struggling to think of something positive. I used to be someone who was there for others and willing to help anyway I could, but I haven’t been that way these past few years. I’ve become such a shitty person these past few years I feel like. :/

#personal #text #survey #surveys

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