#i had such a conundrum you dont even know

[febuwhump]

Just wanted to thank you for putting feeding tube on alt prompts list! 🥺💜 I was seriously worried it won't make it!

bro. bro. you need to know how close you came to not having it.

it was not on the list until about 3 minutes before posting. it missed being in the top 28 by about 30 votes. it's not in my top 10. but my consicence was burdened. I knew a singular person on this planet would be sad. and I checked the stats. over 300 votes for feeding tube were the only vote of that submission. if we take out every obvious attempt at voter fraud it would immediately place this prompt in the bottom 20 at best. and yet. I felt bad. you campaigned so hard. you would be so sad. I decided not to switch it out. then. I looked at old prompts to check we didn't have any major repetitions before posting. I saw that immortality was a prompt last year that featured on my new alternate list. I recalled it was switched out a lot. I decided. to swap in. feeding tube.

idk what rituals you do or bunny rabbit feet you own but feeding tube being on this list is the exact cross-section of compassion, timing and obscene luck.

congratulations

[oceanwithouthermoon]

people who say that theyre "the only one right about this character" and then u open their page and its the most horrendous, twisted, far-fetched mischaracterization youve ever seen

[sshcomic]

You have given me a great joy in life with your Renkaza au

May I ask, what happened to the rest of the Kamado family? Did they get their canon ending or are they with Nezuko as they try to deal with her new demonification?

oh yay im glad you're enjoying it so far! 🥰

nezuko's actually with her brother in the box, like in canon lol. i just havent drawn her--or inosuke or zenitsu--in the panels we've seen, but they're there!

as for the rest of the kamados... i actually havent decided LOL. my instinct is to save everyone, since this is a light-hearted comic strip, but also i'm not sure i'd be able to reliably write that since it involves more plot than the "stupid jokes loosely following canon" i mostly have written down aha. so i suppose it's a surprise for now, even for myself.

i guess we'll see!

[actualbird]

who do you think makes the most money amongst the NXX men. we have luke with three sources of income (NSB, antique shop & private detective gig), marius whose a literal CEO of the biggest corporation, vyn who has his own research centre + is a psychiatrist + nobility (not sure if that counts tbh given his complicated relationship with his haspran lineage) and artem whose a lawyer. i feel like marius makes the most, and then it’s kinda debatable between vyn and luke, but artem’s for sure last, and that’s wild because he makes BANK. he’s only in fourth place because someone has to be there 🧍‍♀️

anon, i need you to know this simple question sent me into a spiral. it had me googling things like "How much does James Bond make annually???? (adjusted to present day inflation)" and wondering things like "hold on, what currency do we use for this, because Stellis uses their currency of Stellins and the income will definitely depend as well on the strength Stellin as a currency and the cost of living within Stellis, but oh god we don't really have any good information on how much Stellin is in comparison to IRL currencies, but fuck, i do need to pick a currency to base this off of or else we're not getting ANYWHERE [PULLS AT MY FUCKING HAIR]---"

okay. all that said, this question sent me through so many tabs of googling, but after all that research and my own headcanons and views, here is my answer.

1ST PLACE = marius von hagen

obviously. he's the CEO of one of the most powerful and influential corporations in the country of Stellis. he makes like a gazillion bajillion fuckoff-illion Stellin annually, we dont even have to find a number for him because he's definitely at the top.

did you know canonically, marius never checks the price tag of any of the things he buys? yeah. i think that says enough

2ND PLACE = vyn richter

im not going to do any numbers or math for vyn either because i agree with you that vyn is at second place. vyn technically has the following sources of income

psychologist/psychiatrist

owner/co-founder of Giannovyn Mental Health Research Center

visiting professor at the School of Psychology of Stellis University

being Royalty (but this is...complicated)

being a visiting professor is basically negligible, income-wise. i come from a family of teachers so i know teachers, even at a university level, are paid horrendously. but his practice as a psychiatrist and the income he gets as the owner and co-founder of his research center must be Big Bucks

as for the being Royalty part.....i dont think thats Income, per se, but vyn definitely doesnt need to WORRY about money tbh. worst comes to worst, shitbag dad eirik haspran will throw svartish currency at vyn's face, which vyn will ABSOLUTELY HATE, but that doesnt get rid of the fact that it Is money that he's got access to.

in terms of attitudes and behaviors in regards to spending, his placement of 2nd place seems to align here: vyn lives with many fancy luxuries!! nowhere near as extravagant and out-of-this-world as marius, but it's There: the clear see-through grand piano in his pre-moving-in-together bedroom, the upper class hobbies and interests like wine tasting and horse riding, that kind of stuff. so i think he fits here in 2nd place.

INTERMISSION = i need to take you through my process, methodology, and struggle here (so you understand what i WENT THROUGH)

okay now it was artem and luke that tripped me up the most for this response. my gut instinct when you said artem was last place just made me go "that can't be right...."

i originally tried to solve this conundrum by doing actual math and conversion. my process was:

search the job's annual salary in China (because Stellis is based on Chinese cities in general. this would mean we would be working under Chinese living costs and the Chinese Yuan)

convert those values into Philippine Peso simply so that i can comprehend the numbers

compare who's higher!!

but then that made me realize a big issue with this process.....artem's job is easy, he's a Senior Attorney. but luke....what the FUCK is his actual job title for the NSB??????

in Main Story 05-01, he describes himself as part of the "Financial and Technological Crime Section" of the NSB, and he joins the NXX Investigation Team as a "special investigator" but like....WHATS HIS TITLE. WHATS HIS POSITION. WHATS HIS JOB DESCRIPTION AND WHAT ARE HIS RESPONSIBILITIES???

on NSB missions or during his NSB era, luke has been seen doing undercover work, hacking (idk a more formal term for this), combat training for new recruits, AND THE LIST GOES ON. essentially, searching for his "job" in the first place tripped me up

hence why i landed at this reddit page

it seemed like a lost fucking cause to use actual IRL sources for luke's job so i went into the realm of fictional secret agents, james bond being the most known and, well, luke pearce is basically james bond at this point, what with everything he's had to do already.

HOWEVER, i won't be using the exact numbers that the above reddit thread came up with, because those numbers are based on the living costs and culture of Europe. that fucked up all the numbers ONCE MORE

SO WHAT I INSTEAD DECIDED TO DO WAS extrapolate the answer based on Vibes and Living Conditions

"zak why did you tell us all of this if you were gonna disregard it anyway" because you all need to know how much i wENT THROUGH, FOR THIS ASK SKJFBDLSKFJSD.

3RD PLACE = artem wing

he may have a normal job but consider the fact that he bought a penthouse apartment straight out of college.

additionally, after consulting an Artem Knower, she mentioned and reminded me of the fact that Pax is Themis' client. so artem is getting them BIG PAX BUCKS.

his living conditions are sleek, elegant, and luxurious. not at the same level as vyn and marius, but it is very swanky. in his pre-moving-in-together apartment, he literally had his own private cinema room. his kitchen had two ovens. these are signs that he makes BANK.

4th PLACE = luke pearce

"but zak!! luke literally has THREE SOURCES OF INCOME!! AND ONE OF THOSE IS BEING A GOVERNMENT AGENT!!!" to that i say:

the income from Time's Antiquities is honestly negligible because 1) its main purpose, canonically, isn't actually to be an establishment but instead a front for his PI business. yes, he does do restorations and make sales, but that's not his priority. and 2) HE DOES SO MUCH SHIT FOR FREE. LUKE, THIS IS NO WAY TO RUN A BUSINESS!!! KBSLFBLDS

the income from his Pearce Private Investigations is also somewhat negligible because, again, HE ALSO DOES CASES FOR FREEEEEE or at the very least is very flexible about payment

as for being a government agent........the government does Not Pay Its Employees Well

"but unlike artem, who has an apartment, luke has an entire 3-floor building to himself!!" yes he does! but he did not buy that. it was canonically left to him by his deceased parents

with those matters out of the way, i wanna say that luke making the least among the boys (WHICH DOESNT MEAN HE MAKES LITTLE. he definitely still makes Money, just not as much as the other three) makes sense given his Vibes and Living Conditions

in terms of vibes, luke is a very simple boy. he tends for "low-brow" hobbies and indulgences and food. in terms of living conditions, his pre-moving-in-together living space, which was just one floor of his 3-floor building, was very simple as well, even cramped. his bed was on a palette on the FLOOR. LUKE, FOR GOD'S SAKE, SURELY YOU MAKE ENOUGH TO GET A PROPER BEDFRAME //SHAKES HIM

-

conclusion = never make me do this again

i went through a crisis trying to answer this ask. people are allowed to have different opinions of course, but this is My View. i hope this response was at the very least entertaining. KBKSJFSDF

[bearwithegg]

Fight Like a Girl || B.Blackwood || Part 2 ||

My thoughts have just been plagued with scenes I can write for this, i honestly intended this to be 2 parts but I ALREADY HAVE IDEAS FOR PART 3 SO FUCK IT WE BALL???

PART 1 HERE

PART 3 HERE

Kieran!Benjicot Blackwood (fancast) x f!Reader

Words: 2.2k

Warnings: Swearing??? Idiots in love but they dont know what that means

Tags <3: @spider-stark

***

War, for all that it brings with it, destruction, pain, suffering on a scale hitherto unknown remained a constant and unchanging conundrum. Were the gods so cruel as to let brother kill brother over trivial squabbles? It was a fascinating thing, to understand, to learn. You, however, decided in this current juncture it felt like a personal punishment aimed to torment and break you down. Realistically, the suffering it caused on a wider scale was insurmountable and that was something you could acknowledge. But in this instance, the way your body aches and screams from constant use makes it feel like a personal sleight.

“Your grip is weak.”

A soft groan of frustration exhales when you sigh, “I cannot hold the sword otherwise.” Dropping the sword by your side, it had been hours without respite and weeks of training for what? You still couldn’t even hold a sword properly and that frustrated you only more.

Benji laughs, softly, circling you with his head tilted to the side. You want to hit him but decide against it. After all, he didn’t need to visit your tent and assist in getting you battle ready — yet he did it either out of some sense of male honour or he secretly enjoyed overseeing your own personal agony.

“Does my ineptitude amuse you, my Lord?�� You throw the sword on the ground, it landing with a thud on the canvas flooring. In the throes of frustration, you wipe the sweat from your brow and run a hand through unevenly chopped locks of hair.

“Your petulance, perhaps.” The boyish smile breaking through his hardened demeanor always caught you off guard. A gentle reminder that he was not some battle beaten man, he was young and had his innocence ripped from him; more or less like you. “You may not see it but there is improvement,” he dips down to pick the sword up, holding it out for you to take it again.

Right or not, it didn’t matter in the present. The improvement may have been so miniscule it might as well not have counted, though it was always difficult to see one's progress without the lense of the past. And with a sigh of concession, you snatch the sword from his hand and give him a goading look, lips pressed into a thin line.

“Again,” he instructs firmly, tongue protruding slightly out from between his lips — he was too good at that, switching from his natural charming disposition to a commanding authority in an instance. As if two halves of him were at odds with each other, another part of him lay dormant but the crazed look in his eyes often betrayed his steadfast composure. You weren’t sure if you liked it or feared it.

With a roll of your wrist and standing with a sturdy bearing, you take an offensive stance. His eyes wander all over you, in a completely different scenario it may have been flattering or intrusive, but there is no desire hidden away in the deep brine pools of his eyes. Under his scrutinous gaze you hold firm; at least my wrist doesn’t feel like falling off.

Improvement.

He steps to your side flank, head tilted in thought. The low hum accompanying the loud thoughts you wished he’d say out loud.

When did he get so close? You swallow nervously — he was a practical man, but often opted to show you how to do something by watching him first. Surprisingly gentle to the touch he brings a hand over yours, the one that grips the sword and adjusts your grip. Tilting your wrist slightly and nudging your thumb to a different position.

“Can you feel the difference?” He murmurs, an unexpectedly tender moment that would have floored you entirely had you not spent weeks training at his command. Even now though, you feel composure waning, creaking away like a tree that has had its trunk chopped halfway.

“Feels like… I have more control,” You utter, looking slightly over your shoulder. Oh. He was much closer than you thought.

He nods, softly adjusting your grip to keep the blade upright, though he doesn’t move his hand this time. “Your stance is good and solid. But means little if you have no strength to fortify it…” His other hand is held up so that you can see it and slowly brings it down to your hip. Not once during this small interaction does he break eye contact, it was as though he was giving you the chance to stop him if you wanted to.

You don’t, of course.

A moment of hesitation as he tentatively touches your hip before holding it and rotating you ever so slightly, “what you lack in strength, you have in speed… This stance is better for your momentum.”

“Right,” you whisper, blinking out of the daze you felt yourself fall into by the pull of his gaze. His eyes were so lovely. In moments like this they were bright with a golden hue, as if marked by the Gods. Other times they were dark, dangerous abyssal pits that you could equally get lost in. But not now.

“Good,” he smiles, the same boyish smile that makes you a little nervous and nauseous concurrently. Which was a strange feeling because you weren’t repulsed by him and yet your body reacted all the same. No one had ever elicited such strange reactions within you like he did.

“Try and disarm me.”

“What?” You feel your arm immediately drop as he steps away and unsheathes his own sword. No longer honey touched eyes boring into yours, they were void and wild. He doesn’t give you a chance to process anything before swinging his sword, you have no choice but to stumble back, practically flailing your own sword to stop from getting hurt.

Clang!

The metal blades ricochet off one another and you take the chance to scurry across the bed swiftly before he can attempt another blow, “fuck, fuck — fuck!” You hiss, standing on the other side of the tent, barely a chance to think properly before he’s back onto you like a grounded tempestuous storm.

With wide eyes you jump out of the way, his sword connects with the side table and wood splinters off into pieces. The first casualty — you’d have laughed or joked if you weren’t absolutely fearing for your life in a way. Heart pounding hard as you take a chance to counter, using a leg to disable him by going for his knees but he sees it and contorts his body just in time.

“C’mon!” He shouts, eyes wild and borderline murderous.

Unsure what possibly possessed you other than it felt right. Call it a childish rebuke or not, you instantly straighten your stance and yell back at him, a deep and guttural yell, like one would trying to fend a bear off an attack.

He licks his lips, the grin of a mad man apparent, “there she is.”

This time you swing first, kicking off the back leg gives you a good enough propulsion and wind up with the sword. Cling! He cross blocks, letting your blade slide down his own and the two of you are practically face to face, the slightest smirk pulls at his lips and you match it with a barely audible snarl.

Using your full body weight, you push into him to get distance which only just works.

Another swing from him, narrowly missing your shoulder as you jump aside, his sword clashing with one of the bed posts, it snaps under the force and limply hangs onto the unmarked wood. You take advantage of his over extension, ducking beneath his arms and opting for the best option, shouldering him in the waist and bringing him down to the ground.

Not your finest work, but he tumbles - and you with him - onto the canvas flooring, but at least you had the upper hand and though strength was not in your arsenal just yet, speed was. Pinning him to the ground, you straddle higher than the waist to keep him from bucking you off or swinging his legs around.

Both of you held your blades to each other's throat in a stalemate, chests heaving with heavy breaths.

“A fair play, my lady,” he pants quietly, though the impish grin on his face suggested otherwise. Your eyes travel down to his other hand where he had his dagger pressed softly against the leathers of your tunic, no doubt a lethal puncture in the abdomen if you were in a real fight. He lowers his blades, “you are improving — getting better at trusting your instincts.”

“You went easy on me,” you whine, tossing your blade indignantly. The semi victory loses its glory almost instantly, souring in your mouth. Standing back up seemed to be more effort today than usual, muscles shaking, screaming for a modicum of respite. But war does not rest so neither shall your body.

“If you wish for me to kill you, then you need only ask,” he jests, you knew this — he was holding out for a reason. You hadn’t seen him in battle but can very well imagine without much stretch of the imagination how he has coined the notorious namesake of ‘Bloody Ben Blackwood’. Even more it seemed, he was often harsher, stricter and more brutal when he would lead training with the younger boys.

“Don’t offer such a tempting proposal,” you laugh, tired, exhausted.

He looks at you, seriously for but a moment, “if you desire rest, it is okay to take it.” And the sweet, caring and kind Benji fronted, flecks of gold honey in his eyes as he steps forward and grabs your hand with a touch so kindly it seemed foreign. He need not force you, tugging you to the bedside and sitting you down, “you are not weak for needing rest.”

You chuckle softly, “there is no rest for someone like me, I need to be ready for when we march forward within the tenday.”

“You won’t be much use to us if your legs cannot even carry you. Rest.” He says firmly, pushing gently on your shoulder which didn’t need much for you to collapse onto the bed. “We can resume overmorrow.” He’s seated on the side of your bed now, you open your mouth to contest but he glowers immediately, tilting his head forward and setting his jaw as if to silently say ‘don’t you dare’.

So you don’t dare.

“If I was less encumbered by my exhaustion I’d have hit you for looking at me like that,” you bite, rolling onto your side and instinctively curling in on yourself.

“You certainly would have tried.” He laughs.

“And succeeded, I pinned you already today — I could do it again if I willed myself.”

“Is that so? Perhaps we should get a maester to check those ears of yours, did I not request you disarm me? I don’t recall asking you to pin me.”

“Hmmm,” you hum, narrowing your eyes at him though the barely suppressed smile betrayed your poor attempt to keep a straight face. “I stopped thinking the moment you attacked me like a brute.”

He nods along with your words and though his words are vaguely threatening, his smile indicates a hint of mischievousness, “a Brute am I? You have a crass tongue, My Lady, you’d better keep it in check.”

“Clover.”

“Hm?” His head tilts to the side, like a dog hearing a command.

“Call me Clover… Garrus finds it easier… Less likely to accidentally call attention to my identity.” You run your fingers over the furs of your bed, naturally you omit the little part of the nickname because that seemed sacred to Garrus. Only he can call you that. But Benji had your trust, and you had his, even if it be an unspoken bond that grew stronger the more time elapsed within one anothers company. He at least deserved a little part of you.

There is silence, as he sits on your words, a faint smile ghosting his lips and he nods singularly, “As you wish, Clover.” And the strangest feeling encompasses the tent, it was thick but not suffocating, warm but not a hellfire. His hand moves so deftly, you hadn’t seen it until his fingers barely grazed your temple, pushing back a loose strand of hair behind your ear.

He holds it, a moment, two moments, before his eyes blink rapidly, something reminding him of his place and he flushes red, retracting his hand quickly as though he had touched hot coals. “A-Apologies… forgive me — that was wholly inappropriate. Please do rest, I will see you overmorrow.”

It happened rather quickly, he stands and you sit up as swiftly, “Benji.” You call but he was out quicker than bat out of the hells. Your shoulders slump, a faint pout on your lips as you try to decipher what that could’ve been about. Whatever it had been, you liked it, you liked him but that could mean a plethora of things.

You sigh, falling back into the bed and staring at not particularly anything. Perhaps it would be prudent to speak on the matter with Garrus when he returned.

[floylia]

# MESSAGE IN A BOTTLE ⋆｡ ﾟ☁︎｡ ⋆｡ ﾟ☾

04. I’m so wet tonight 💌

Destiny and fate are liken to strings you can’t untangle with ease. Two simple words with inexplainable concepts. A belief split into millions of definition.

But this might be fate—a doomed fate.

Cerulean eyes meet yours upon striding inside the store. The contact lasts longer than necessary. But within those few seconds, recognition is acknowledged on both sides.

That fateful day when a guy embarrassed himself and you watched it unfold.

You thought that was the last of it. Perhaps not.

You scan the small dairy isle, searching for an energy drink and a bucket of ice cream, while ignoring the pleads in the back of your head—constantly screeching about the humiliating past.

But who are you to feel embarrassed for him?

Why do you feel shame in the first place?

“Cash or card?”

“Cash.” You pass him the total amount, grabbing the wrinkled change you had in your wallet.

He takes it hesitantly, “By the way, about last time...”

Here we go.

“There was a rat in the locker room so I ran out like that. As for what I said… I don’t remember why I did that. But I promise, I’m not… a pervert,” The last phrase was faint as he whispers it in a breath.

You chuckle, “It made me laugh, don’t worry.”

One moment ago he was a grey cutout, now colors are back in his face as a grin reaches the wrinkles of his eyes, “So we’re cool?”

He looks like a dog wagging his tail after seeing a treat.

You nod, “Was that bothering you for a while?”

He breathes a sigh of relief—staring at you as if he had been derived of oxygen, “Yes! I was tossing my body back and forth that night, because my head refused to stop replaying the scene every time I closed my eyes. Can you imagine yourself doing that? Here I thought I was being mysterious.”

Not a single bone in his body was mysterious.

“People remember their own embarrassing moments more than other people’s, don’t stress about it.”

He shows his paper white teeth, “You have a way with words.”

“And you don’t,” You blurt out, recalling that moment.

Laughter engulfs the tense atmosphere.

“Fair enough. Fair enough. I’ll never live that down. My friends tease me enough already,” he hands you your change and the plastic bag worth of snacks.

The pit-a-patter outside makes your head swerve towards the window. Rain droplets fall from the heavens, gearing up as you spend minutes inside the establishment.

Checking the weather today slipped your mind, otherwise you would have brought an umbrella. Even though your dorm is nearby, running through the heavy downpour is not something you enjoy doing on a school night.

Navia would jerk her head in disapproval.

The ginger must have realized your conundrum.

“Here,” He offers you a small black umbrella, “You can use this.”

“No, no it’s alright. You might need to use that later.”

He shakes his head, “The store owns it. We have extra. Just borrow it for tonight. Then you can come back and return it. Think of this as an apology.”

“Thank you. I didn’t want to be drenched today. I’ll return this, I promise!”

A gentle smile pervades his face as he waves a goodbye. He observes you, crossing the street from the foggy window until your silhouette fades with the night sky.

In truth, the store didn’t own the umbrella. They don’t have an extra. It was his — but that is his little secret.

No harm done with a white lie.

NOTES:

kinda rushed (wrote the written parts in one night, i dont usually finish fics in one sitting)

ig he gained aura points?

was gonna post this later but fuck it 🤷‍♀️

SYNOPSIS: There’s a line Childe knows he shouldn’t cross; A line built on years of friendship; A line that happens to cross you, his best friend’s younger sister, grieving her first love; A line where he plays savior, wears a halo, then feign ignorance, because love is a game for fools—and he happens to be the biggest idiot when it comes to love.

When a new stranger invades your life and an old poet writes back.

CHILDE x FEM!READER

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TAGLIST (OPEN!): @thegalaxyisunfolding @stratusworld @tiramizuloz @miy-svz @trulyylee @batatinhafriita @scaradooche @yuminako @m1njizzie @mtndewbajablasted @fadedpinkpen @vavrin @kioffy @kokoomie @ashveil @tired-jaz @nia333 @riabriyn @kyon-cherri @kitsunetori @morgyyyyyyy @kazumiku @ichorstainedskin @hanilessa @s4ikooo1 @matolka @appy-slicez @monocerosei @mostlymoth @heathnyfangirl @meigalaxy

[azullumi]

hiii! i dont know how to say this but i just love the way you write so much ヾ(•ω•`)o, if you take requests (if not you can just ignore this) i would like to request some headcanons of wanderer who is in an established relationship with a reader who suffers from chronic insomnia. since he is a puppet and doesn't need sleep, it would be fun to know the things he would do when keeping the reader company and helping them fall asleep! thank you very much for yor amazing writing!! (o゜▽゜)o☆

details — sleep is essential especially to mortals like you, that is one fact that he understood.

pairing — wanderer/gender-neutral reader

tags — fluff, established relationship ; headcanons

words — 753

note — a short one to cure my soul and ty so much anon!! that means a lot to me :)) i’m glad u love my writing <33 also just letting you all know that requests are open and i'm trying to prioritize them first.

“can’t sleep?” the toss and turning of your figure in the bed—quite frustrated in motion even—accompanied with the occasional groans gave him the idea that you weren’t asleep, or couldn’t sleep at all. a simple nod coming from you was all he needed before his mind started constructing ideas on what he can do to accompany you on yet another night like this.

he’s not new to it, certainly. after all, before you were lovers, you two were friends and he wasn’t a stranger to this problem of yours. however, when he was first introduced to it, he didn’t know what to do and what he could do to help you. he just let you talk about your experience with this conundrum, listening and silently noting the fact in his mind.

and before he knew it, he started to come up with plans for the night in case you have trouble falling asleep once again. it all just felt natural to him, he started buying items that he thinks could aid you even if it’s just for a bit—tea that has sleep benefits, any book that he comes across that he thinks you could use, a board or card game that you two can play. although god forbids that the game being played would end up in a friendly match. with his somewhat of a competitive and taunting personality, the small match becomes a tournament between you and him.

it either ends up with you becoming sleepy and him having to carry you to bed as you doze in his arms or staying up all night ‘til the rise of the sun as you try to beat each other into defeat.

although he doesn’t want to admit to you that he’s really looking out for you. he doesn’t want to say that just the simple mention of sleep and anything to related to that would have his mind drifting to the thought of you, it’s like you and sleep itself is just associated with one another–despite the fact that you lack of it. and in all honesty, isn’t this what you’re supposed to do to your cherished ones?

and when you two had established a romantic relationship with one another, the things he would do for you soon became more intimate and affectionate. accompanying and talking while sitting across each other soon became cuddling sessions in bed—he occasionally plays with your hair or provides soothing touches on your skin—, massages from him are being offered to help you relax, and you try things together often.

he becomes quite strict on things related to your well-being, as health and sleep are correlated to one another. such as coffee being forbidden especially when it’s being taken during the night or having naps during the day limited so that you won’t be awake the whole time later on.

“sleep is essential.” he tells you rather flatly as if it’s not something that you don’t know, his fingers combing through your hair and massaging your scalp in the process. you don’t know what time it is right now, perhaps sometime around dawn as the night looks darker and quieter with only the rustling of leaves outside the window being heard.

“but you don’t sleep?” you answered, words close to a mutter as you slowly eased into his hold and kind caress, the gentle rhythm of his breathing and his voice served as a lullaby. “i do not need it.” his answer elicits a confused reaction from you, eyebrows drawn into one as you look up to meet his gaze, eyes that were often in a glare are warm and soft.

you asked him, “why?” in which he responds, benignly, “i’m a puppet, have you forgotten about that?”

he bought you a stuffed toy—one that resembles him in some manner with its grumpy expression and a small hat on top of its head, donning colors that are similar to his. it wouldn’t be surprising if you were the one who got it for yourself but the fact that he went out his way to get a cotton figure (of him) definitely astonished you to the core.

it doesn’t matter if you have asked him for help about it or not, he only wishes you to know that he is there for you. his affection for you goes past the line of simply just admiring you and memorizing every line of your face, he cares for you more than you know and more than what he makes you realize.

© azullumi — do not plagiarize, copy, repost, nor translate any of my works.

[mononijikayu]

the horrifying what happened to aemma in episode one about this is that it is only when the woman is ACTUALLY dying or are already dead that c-sections are performed. that told me they do not care of about the historical telling of the story AT ALL. so i just wanna break down the situation and why i dont think that scene in episode one was necessary in the way it was.

now we have a precedence of this shown in the form of queen dowager alyssa velaryon in f&b. the first birth of her marriage to rogar had not been good, she was already weakened by that and her second pregnancy in the marriage was worse, to the point she was dying.

the maester informs that alyssa was already dying and that the only solace they could give is dreamwine. if she had consented or never woke up, we dont really know - but either way the baby, jocelyn, would actually die if they hesitate longer and that if nothing is done, alyssa could take the baby with her as well.

so jaehaerys and alyssane are told and its jaehaerys that tells rogar - that alyssa is dying and the babe could be as well, but they would have to cut her open. rogar was horrified but its something that had to be decided. yet it was a hard choice to make, because no matter the outcome, there would be pain and death - brutal one at that.

but because alyssa was already dying, it was offered as an option and hence it aligns heavily with the medieval standards. in fact, we can find this in a book by historian renate blumenfeld-kosinski called not of woman born where she talks about this.

there's a passage where she mentions saint thomas aquinas and the conundrum of conducting a c-section as soon as possible to annoint the child in holy baptism, to 'save its soul' from damnation — which details a conversation but saint thomas wrote against that, in defense of the mother and explicitly details that he rejects killing the wives.

if the mother is already dead but child is still alive, that's where you move to cut open because the child would die just the same as the mother. thomas rejects the idea that you should kill the mother in order to baptize the child. it is so interesting that the church is against abortion, but one of its outspoken individuals has this sort of perspective.

in fact, there is a passage on three instruction manuals for women's health and medicine called trotula (the little work of trotula) in medieval italy in the 12th century. the midwives who study these texts are encouraged to take care the mothers first. this was at a time where people are HIGHLY religious and would have caused such a social taboo. it was a shock wave to the population seeing these radical ideas for the first time.

the text on c-section on the trotula goes as follows: "whan the woman is feble and the chyld may noght comyn out, then it is better that the chylde be slayne than the moder of the child also dye." - which means it was highly encouraged that they ONLY CUT when the woman is already dying or is dead. this text tries to tells that the mother and child need tp be looked on but women need to be cared for as much as the child. if there is any other way, it should be taken. only in the event of no more choices should there be cutting.

in fact the woman who was behind ideas in trotula — trotula of salerno was a radicalist in her time. she believes both women AND men can have defects. specifically how men's semen can be medically unfit to conceive a child. and that WOMEN should not be suffering at child bed, discussing the use of opiates from herb plants to help with pain and just like saint thomas, she believes that women are not meant to suffer or die from childbirth and that women should not have to make up for the sins committed by even in eden.

in fact, c-sections were also heavily regulated by local authorty. jakob nufer in 1580s for example was a veterinarian who found that his wife was having such a hard time with childbirth that he was so concern and begged to be allowed by local authorities to perform a c-section on his wife because he feared she would die and he succeeded, which his wife surviving AND that child living a long life according to the records.

historians have said that this would not happen just without any reasonable cause to do forced c-sections on their wives for the fact that their wives are also belonged in other royal houses and strong noble families. the people in charge needed these alliances and connections in order to keep the peace going. foul play cannot be a must, the childbed is risk enough for these alliances already. marriages and childbed tied the peace together. alas, the best childbed care is a MUST.

aemma's death would have been fine as a regular death in childbirth or even a similar situation as alyssa's, which would have at least dignified her death. unless it was the natural progression of childbed and or foul play, aemma arryn would have no need to die like that on her childbed. this was not a good way for aemma to die.

it was just insulting to the book material, historical record and aemma herself. not to mention to viserys i. losing his son was tragic enough but having him decide prematurely without her consent, without her actually nearing death or without discussing it in depth with the maester and or not insisting any other way was so off to me. he would have been making a bunch of questions, this was his wife - she was tied to house arryn and she was a high ranking woman. he would not HAVE had her cut open like that when she was not dead yet or actually on her death bed.

[graveantics]

Letter Conundrum

President of the student council Diluc who finds a letter written by you, his vice president. Then panics.

NOTE: this is UNFINISHED. im just uploading this bc i dont really wanna bother w this anymore, maybe i'll rewrite in the future

You like someone.

That is Diluc's biggest concern right now. When he intended to rearrange your stacks of papers, one slipped from his grasp. A little envelope, scented with your signature perfume (not that Diluc would know, I mean, it's not like he's memorized it or something). The addressed? "My darling snookums <3." He frowns upon reading it, it's so corny, it's so you.

(He pushes away the small voice in his head that wishes he was "your darling snookums")

The letter is a private matter to you, he shouldn't read it. He has no right to be reading, nor ask you about it. So he puts it back in between the paper stack and returns to his work.

Yet the letter beckons for him, minutes feel like hours as the letter continue to break his train of thought. He's walked around the room, fidget with his unsteady chair, rearranged his—already neat—desk, yet no matter what he does, the letter comes crawling back behind him, stopping him from doing any of the work in front of him.

It shouldn't bother him, Diluc had already resolved to bury whatever romantic feelings he had for you and move on.

He walks back to your stack of paper, pulls out the egregious letter that's given him no peace. He glares at it, as if it has done an unspeakable crime against him. His mind wanders, it gathers the clues inside his mind, names of anyone who the letter could have possibly been intended for. Every name leaves him more and more antsy, the visual image of you by the side any of these people is absurd to him. How could you possibly settle for someone like- Okay. Maybe he hasn't actually succeeded in moving on.

"Diluc? You're still here?" Upon hearing your voice, Diluc widens his eyes. You've caught him glower at a piece of paper, one you've basically poured your heart into. How the hell is he gonna get out of this.

"You...found my letter." Fuck. You look mortified.

"I haven't read it! I swear." Diluc sputters. Can you tell he's sweating bullets? He can feel the knot in his stomach double in size, he also has a weird urge to eat the letter he's holding.

"I, um, I only happened to stumble upon it. While I was cleaning your desk- it slipped out of the stacks of-" he's rambling. He's aware of it. But right now his panic takes priority over everything else, His mind is scrambling to say anything to escape this awkward situation he's put himself in. "I wasn't even planning on opening it!" he did have the thought in his head though.

"Diluc, it's okay. I wanted you to read it."

"...Pardon?" you shouldn't say that. you're getting his hopes up. Diluc can feel his heart rate escalating.

"Um... yeah." You're looking everywhere but him, actively avoiding eye contact. Usually, he'd scold anyone who fails to manage eye contact during conversations. But Diluc's not sure if he can look at yours either. "I kind of, left it there in the hopes that you would read it..."

Diluc stares. slowly computing what you had just said, meanwhile his ears get hotter and hotter. He stares, then immediately his knees go weak.

Thunk

"Diluc!?"

"M-my apologies" He shouldn't avoid looking at you. Don't get him wrong, he's ELATED that you reciprocate his feelings. The feelings he has been trying to block suddenly flows and flows through him. And now to suddenly have to confront it in its entirety!? It's too much for him.

[sidebaxolotl]

Hey, I really appreciate your presence here and was wondering if you had an opinion on lavender/mixed-orientation marriages? In your view, is it better for Side B Christians to remain unmarried, or is there some benefit or virtue in a celibate hetero marriage?

Thank you!! Im glad to be of some service to side b folks :)

I will preface by saying that I don't think mixed orientation marriages are a sin. If yall have voluntarily decided to enter that arrangement not under duress and are cool with it, that's technically fine. That being said I'm a major celibacy advocate so 9 times out of 10 celibacy is the option im going to suggest lol.

I will say that personally I feel like its a bad idea for folks that are exclusively gay and not bi. Because there's literally zero chance of being attracted to your spouse and i dont feel like its wise to force yourself to be romantic or sexual with someone you are not attracted to. I guess if ur spouse is ok with not kissing or having sex thats fine but that seems like a miserable existence to me 😬

I think love is ultimately a choice but attraction/sexual desire is not and for most people that is an important part of a relationship's health and flourishing. I personally would very much hate being married to someone who wasn't attracted to me and was engaging in romantic/sexual behavior with me even though they didn't feel it like i did. I'd feel like i was forcing or coercing or trapping them in a situation even if they're fully consenting to it. And i personally wouldn't wanna be in a relationship where I cant have sex by design so like 😬

And i suppose you'd have to get into WHY you might feel the need to pursue a lavender relationship. I think wanting kids/a family is probably one of the better reasons (?) But i could easily see someone wanting it out of loneliness, desperation, feeling like you need or have to be married or any other manner of unhealthy reasons.

For these reasons i feel like its better for side b gays and lesbians to not marry.

I know asexuals fall into some of these same conundrums but i really don't have an opinion on that to be honest its kinda not my area of expertise but also celibacy sweep iunno lol

[werewolfsonpage211]

i just have to write through my feelings about predathos rn cause WOW i was truly leaning heavily in oryms direction of we dont know what that shit do youd have to be stupid to even try. like i was feeling okay with the prospect of them releasing predathos cause it is objectivly the most interesting choice you could make, narratively, from a doylist perspective etc etc, but i wasnt feeling it yknow. and i gotta be honest a big part of that was because i do sympathise with the gods some more than others like on a fundamental level i feel theyve got just as much a right to exist as every other living being in the world, theyre people to me and i simply dont like the idea of them dying/having to flee. and yes okay melora is my blorbo out of them and i hate thinking about her being forced to leave exandria leave nature leave everything she loves and has become and is. i was way more hoping for the resolution of bh not releasing predathos and instead remembering RQs hint that they could strike a deal with the gods as a reward for saving their asses.

and then 114 happened. and i fear it changed me irrevokably. matt did something horrible. he gave me hope. like i already had a sliver of hope that if the gods left maybe vax would be free and alive but also maybe hed just be dead or just gone and anyway he wouldnt want to be saved in exchange for such a sacrifice (not that the people making the choice would be anyone he knew...) but but BUT then matt rq gave him a night. vox machina was given a night. and all of a sudden i cant imagine going back to the way things were. if the gods are saved the world may still be changed forever, but not for vax. he only has a night. then he goes back to her. but. if the gods leave, it can't stay the same, not even for him. im not even sure, despite the hope that matt/rq gave me, that he would be freed if rq left. maybe he is kept by her divine power. maybe he would die, or disappear forever (who knows what happens after death when there are no gods?). or maybe he, given a night of life, would simply feel her grip on his string loosen and fade away, leaving him as he is right now, where he is right now, as the raven queen's last parting gift. either way, death or life, it would be change. either he would get a chance to keep living, or keyleth would get a better chance to move on. and that spark of hope for change killed whatever part of me that still could tolerate him being in her service in perpetuum. i cant stand it anymore. i dont accept it.

despite my deep and complicated feelings regarding this rn i am also remembering that it is all a work of fiction and i am fascinated by the way my opinion on the predathos conundrum could be swayed so quickly and, dare i say, decidedly, by new emotions being stirred in me. and i am examining how even tho i was backing up my opinion with (what i see as) logical and objective arguments, i was still being affected by my sympathies for different fictional characters the whole time - from melora (and the pcs i associate her with) to vax and vm. going though it has taught me something about how people can be swayed on much more serious, real life matters. i truely dont know if ive ever changed my mind so dramatically (regarding both strenght and character of the opinion as well as swiftness of the change) in my life before. before i watched c3e114 i was hesitant at best to the releasing predathos idea, now im rooting for it to happen. and dont get me wrong, i still think orym's argument is the most sane and safe one and if i myself had to live in exandria i would most surely be on his side of the debate. but i dont, im the audience of a fictional story and right now i would love to know just what the fuck that shit do.

[thelastomnitect]

I HAVE A FANCOMIC CONUNDRUM

Hey, Voyagers!

I'm Omni, your favorite Robot-American, TTRPG Creator & Artist buddy... aaaand Im in a bind.

So, for those of you in the know, Ive been really enjoying making fancomic works lately, and its been very rewarding (Check out my Helldivers 2 Fancomic "Gentry Dolaan Aint No Fascist" if youre interested in what I've been cooking!). So much so, that I am also working on a Space Marine Fancomic/Webcomic (working title: "BROTHERS: a Tale of Treachery and Doom"), and I'm really excited about it. Ive been doing tons of art and planning for it behind the scenes, and it's a story I think will be really fun to tell and read! I've been a huge fan of the Warhammer setting since I was young, and Narrative campaigns like The Taros Campaign, Siege of Vraks & The Badab War sit on my bookshelves next to my copies of some Horus Heresy books & my Gaunt's Ghosts Omnibus. Its definitely a loveletter to this hobby and setting I've loved for so long...

...BUT...

Games Workshop (the owners of the "WARHAMMER 40,000" IP and the creators of the Tabletop Miniature game) is a terrible company. For a very abbreviated list of their bullshit... - Games Workshop can be overly litigious towards fan creators (a few years back, they went on an absolute spree of issuing cease-and-desist/takedown notices on tons of fanworks in preparation of the launch of their WARHMMER+ streaming service, primarily to prevent competition to their in house animations. It's either directly destroyed or had a crazy chilling effect on many amazing fan projects, such as Bruva Alfabusa's amazing "If The Emperor Had a Text-To-Speech Device" which has been discontinued, or gorgeous animations like THE EXODITE or ASTARTES, both of which were bought up, taken off of youtube and forced onto their premium Warhammer + service behind a paywall. The creator of ASTARTES has already suffered a great deal at the hands of hackers stealing their youtube channel, and since their purchase by GW and move to Warhammer plus has been dead silent, and the EXODITE suffered immensely during its production. And with a new Warhammer TV series in development, and the success of SPACE MARINE 2, it wouldn't be unreasonable to expect that kind of aggressive legal gatekeeping behavior again soon...) - They abusively price & market their products (they have the single highest priced miniatures in the entire wargaming hobby, frequently rely on FOMO events and bundling [even for rules and important items the community HAS to buy], relentlessly overprice in several regions across the world, and intentionally price gouge their books and rules, all while taking down any free access to any of those rules at the first given opportunity. There is no reason a single, unassembled and unpainted, mono-pose 32mm miniature should be priced at $45 dollars. That's insane.) - They have done so much damage to the Wargaming Hobby Community in their time (They are basically the EA of the Wargaming hobby. They drive medium sized wargames out of the market under walls of money, advertisement and litigation, create walled content gardens that discourage players from leaving them, have set terrible standards in the larger hobby like a lack of free-to-download rules & denial of third-party miniatures at their tournaments, and have gone so far as to literally not even call their hobby wargaming but the "WARHAMMER Hobby", so players dont accidentally stumble across the rest of the industry. Its BAND-AID bandage levels of market crushing brand power, and they abuse it constantly to the detriment of the entire hobby. Again, its basically the same level of industry damage as Activision or EA have done to the videogaming world). ... so yeah, again, I LOVE the setting & the world, and I've had a long standing relationship with the wargame property itself, but GW has a deathgrip on the franchise. Truth is, I dont want to steer more people towards them, or lose all the work I put into this webcomic project because GW's legal team is feeling a little overly litigious in advance of some new Netflix show or videogame or edition release.

HOWEVER, I have other options. Games Workshop doesn't corner the market on Space Marines with big pauldrons and dramatic flair. I COULD just set "Brothers" in a more creator friendly IP... like ONE PAGE RULES's GRIMDARK FUTURE setting, and without too much effort. While there would be some differences, it would still be the same tale of stoic battle brothers contending with isolation, dogma, and struggling with the concessions needed to survive in a hostile place. Hell, their super-human gene-sculpted super soldiers are literally called BROTHERS, so it's... kinda serendipitous, to be real with you. The folks at OPR are much smaller company and have infinitely better business practices. They market their products in a much more responsible and ethical manner, sell both 3d-printable miniature files and pre-printed miniatures themselves, their games are all miniature agnostic and well designed, and frankly, they actually give a damn about their fan creators. They even run Fan Creator Competitions (I just joined a Writing Jam they hosted a few months back! It was a blast), and give free miniatures and huge discounts to the winners. Generally speaking, they are the kind of tiny company I actually could see myself patronizing and supporting, amybe even working with at some point, and they are far closer to the way I'd prefer to see the wargaming industry develop in the future (I am NOT sponsored by OPR, by the way. Just wanted to make that clear. I wouldn't turn it down, not gonna lie, but as of time of this post, I've no support from either GW or OPR) And I know Im not the only one who's been making these calculations when working on their fan works. Bruva Alfabusa has moved on to working with friendly IPs, like their awesome World of Darkness series "Hunter: the Parenting" series, while the Exodite's creator has completely pivoted into working on their own grimdark IP, "PROJECT MORNINGSTAR", which is well worth a look, btw. The issue I face is that while I vastly prefer supporting OPR's GRIMDARK FUTURE and them as a company, I originally started this project as a 40K fanwork. And I know that, for all its many flaws, Games Workshop's Warhammer 40,000 brand name carries a lot of recognition and fandom power, and it's setting has a lot of personal meaning to me. OPR is growing and it's got a really passionate fandom, but its only a fraction the size of GW's juggernaut, and while I'm not creatively tied to either setting atm, I'd be a liar to not at least acknowledge and respect the sheer fandom gravity of the Warhammer 40,000 IP. And fancomics can live and die on the size and relative energy of their fanbases.

So that's my Conundrum.

Do I continue along the path I was already on and make this fancomic a WARHAMMER 40,000 story, facing the fact I'd basically be advertising for a company I hate and risking that if I ever managed to garner a big enough fanbase the GW legal might just pop in and shut me down, all in exchange for brand recognition? Or do I take a chance on my personal principles, set it in OPR's GRIMDARK FUTURE, tell the same story I was already excited to tell and support a company and a game that I actually think is worth talking about, but risk the smaller community and less passionate fanbase not being enough to get the fancomic off the launchpad in the first place?

I'm genuinely soul searching here, Voyagers. And I want your opinion.

The truth is, I know which way I want to go, but what do you think? If youre a creator / fan / artist / player / hobbyist of WARHAMMER 40,000, WARHAMMER, ONE PAGE RULES GAMES, GRIMDARK FUTURE, WARGAMING, FANCOMICS, FANWORKS, SCIENCE FICTION, or even just read your way through all of this and wanted to give me your opinion (thank you, by the way, that's incredibly kind of you) what do you think? PLEASE, tell me your thoughts and feedback in the comments. And, for anybody who got this far, thank you for reading this. Seriously, I appreciate you. See you out there, Voyagers~

-The Last Omnitect

[kittenquasar]

Life stresses below the cut

Creeping regretful feelings that I won't be creating my own children. I can't help but think, what if I'm wrong? I've said there's plenty of kids that need homes, so i don't need to make more, but..

I dunno. I've already medically transitioned, so I'd have to go off my meds for a long time, and tbh I dont know if I can do that. When I mess up my meds or be dumb and take a fun drug that also raised my t(stupid aurgh regret), I dunno if I could stand going back. I think it would kill me. I had no money to bank sperm either.

I'm also like, a little insane(not in a quirky fun way), so I dont know if a kid is even a good idea for me. That and my partner doesn't want to have bio kids, so there's that too.

I've already decided I want an orchiectomy, cuz what's the point of having them if I'm going to suppress t forever? Also spiro is I think slowly not working as well as my t was higher on my last labs, then the drug misadventure, and now I'm taking spiro and cypro occasionally but i can't keep doing that cuz the cypro makes me want to die if I take it for more than a few weeks.

So what the fuck. Not having grandkids is really fucking my parents up more than I expected, and I've started looking a lot more feminine in the past year and it's been making them act weird and hostile but they won't talk about it to me and it's driving me up the wall a little.

And this is all but a fraction of my current issues.

I would love to do monotherapy but given that my t is creeping up even with spiro I don't know I'd that would work for me. My Dr said she thinks it's a bad idea.

I'm like 80% sure I want the surgery, between the meds and hormone fluctuations they have caused me nothing but problems. I have also seen in myself that I lack the feeling that bonds in blood are somehow stronger than bonds of mutual respect and love. I've seen it in others and I just dont have it. I don't need someone to be my flesh and blood to pour my soul into them.

I have multiple perspectives competing on this, but I think I still want it more than i don't. I want the surgeries. Gimme.

Advice is welcome, I know some of yall are parents, so I'm curious what you think of this conundrum I've got.

Love you all 💜

[gwens-fiction]

I JUST. FINISHED A SCIENTIFIC CONUNDRUM and oh my god. I'm going to need at least three business days to recover from that last chapter. THAT WAS INSANELY GOOD i dont even know where to begin?? 😭 especially the "I Will Be There" from the Count of Monte Cristo part had me screaming ahahah and the part with Skipper? are you kidding mmeeeeeee😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 im going to go cry now. it was beautiful.

Thank you! I actually went back and forth a bit on that Monte Cristo part of it would be too cheesy, so I’m glad I did ultimately decide to go with it 😁

But oh wow you’re nearly all caught up since book 3 is just beginning.

(For others, links about this can be seen on my fan art/fic sideblog @gwens-projects )

[thegeminisage]

tng update time!! we're back, baby. sunday we did "the masterpiece society" and "conundrum" and last night* we did "power play" and "ethics."

*by last night i mean earlier tonight, but i'm typing this at 1am and letting it post tomorrow

the masterpiece society: this one was okay. i was very endeared at first to this guy flirting RESPECFULLY with deanna after the ordeal of 3 rape scenes in one episode but then she shot him down and he kept flirting. WILL my misery never cease

that said, i like that picard was nice to her when she fessed up about fucking with him. i am so fond of saying "treat him really niceys" about data but perhaps we should also be treating DEANNA really niceys. instead of raping her repeatedly.

one hilarious detail i noticed about this episode was that they went out of their way to show us a lot of extras in this episode (sometimes we don't even get this many extras in ten forward scenes) and show us that the extras were. diverse. because if the society is "genetically engineered to perfection." and then you only show white people. THAT puts a whole new spin on things. i'm imagining some joker on the production team looking at a shot of mostly-white extras and frantically calling the casting director on the phone

i was EXTREMELY worried when they asked geordi to work with this woman but he was professional the whole time to my huge relief. actually, geordi had a little bit going on in this ep that i really enjoyed - when these "perfect" people kept implying he would have been aborted as a fetus in their society he gave as good as he got EVERY time and his blind ass DID in fact wind up saving all their lives and GOOD FOR HIM!

i dont really get what the big deal is about 23 people leaving = destroying their society. if you can't plann for people being out then it's your managerial skills that need work. also, they were kinda freaks, so maybe they needed to have their little cult broken up. sorry

conundrum: EPISODES FOR MEEEEE. this episode was just like tabula rasa, except this predates tabula rasa, so really tabula rasa is just like IT. anyway, amnesia. i was gleefully rubbing my hands together the entire time

hands down funniest bit was everyone just assuming worf is captain despite the fact that he's bloodthirsty and insane but the second funniest bit was data the bartender. "where's the android?" "serving drinks in ten forward." "[as data speed types] you must have been one hell of a bartender." 10/10 no notes

also his little chess game with deanna!! wah.

actually no the other funny bit was riker lowkey running around on deanna with ro. and i abslutely LOOOVED he and deanna being flirty with each other. it's ABOUT TIME we got some real food. it's been so sexless up til now that all she did was play with his hair a little and we both went bananas

and then the scene at the END? riker more flustered than we've EVER seen him and these two ladies ganging up on him...mwah. 10/10 perfect.

the villain this episode was good. when he first showed up cathy was like who tf is that and i was like idk some rando im sure he doesnt matter but then the computer named him first officer and it was like !!!!!!!!!!!! they tricked me !!! it's a VERY rare day when tng manages to trick me i was so pleased. i do kinda wish they hadn't theo teennwolfed him though (made everyone else a bit dumber to make him seem smart)

power play: deannna was so hot in this episode she should play male characters more often

i really REALLY wish i had been riker deanna and worf that had been possessed. data's not as much fun when he's someone else and not data. obrien could have come too if he wanted though i guess

PLEASE do not tell rosalind chao to shut her baby up. the last time someone told anyone to shut a baby up in a property she happened to be acting in. well. mash fans know. they know.

i genuinely believed those guys were ghosts until the last second. probably because prisoners makes no sense. also, i think prison for 500 years is too much. can we not just let them die

i love when possessed data tried to prove worf and worf was like lol no. he knows data is 10x stronger than him lmao

i wish guinan had been in this episode it's been ages and i miss her

after how tense and fun the beginning was the end and middle of this episode were kind of anticlimactic. still, it was fun and so it gets a pass. more people should get possessed on the enterprise

WHY DO I ONLY GET 4K CHARACTERS PER TEXT BLOCK staff i'll fucking kill you. anyway

ethics: RIKER/WORF/DEANNA IS REAL IT HAPPENED ON MY COMPUTER SCREEN!

ok, first of all, sorry i have to go ahead and get this out of the way before i get to the good stuff, picard advocating for assisted suicide is NNNOT his best look. in fact it's literally such a fucking bad look. actually. uhh tw for talk of suicide here on down

i understand what they were trying to do. they wanted to present both sides of the ethical dilemma here "equally." but there are some problems with this. firstly, in the real world, assisted suicide is for people with like. terminal illness. worf was fine. yes, he was paralyzed, but he was healthy and had the change to regain a great deal of his mobility. so picard already looks like an asshole because he's advocating for a disabled person killing themselves because they "can't" adjust to the loss.

SECONDLY, the use of "can't" was very poorly done here. if picard had said, worf is too stubborn to change his beliefs, he WON'T adjust to this because he will refuse to try, that would be a LOT BETTER than saying "worf CAN'T adjust to this, it's too many lifelong values to change."

and finally, if we really wanted to be "equal" about the debate, it wouldn't be about worf's ability or inability to adjust to being disabled, it would be about his BELIEFS. like his society and heritage, which he cherishes so deeply because he felt disconnected from it for so much of his life. instead picard was just like "worf is way too much of a pussy to do this just let him die lmao"

like he seriously tried to persuade will to KILL WORF. worse, to help worf kill himself!! JUST BECAUSE WORF WAS DISABLED. he even guilted riker about it: "he wouldn't have asked if he didn't know he could count on you." girl what the FUCK

ok anyway, speaking of will: his reaction here was so strong i wonder if he knew someone who'd killed themselves before. NOT that i'm complaining about a strong reaction. FINALLY we are getting some solid worf/riker Content. maybe asking your commanding officer to kill you is romance or whatever. i loved their argument to little bitty pieces. compare to: riker in tears next to deanna's sickbay bed. ooough i am eating. according to the wiki they actually cut a scene of nose-to-nose yelling and i'm mad about it. LET THEM PUT THEIR FACES TOGETHER. give me something to live for

deanna in this episode too. her kneeling by the fallen worf and murmuring "let me help you." her making him talk to his son. him BASICALLY asking her to be his kid's new adoptive parent should he kick it

oh speaking of alexander. he said some really troubling things this episode. such as, "my mom always said klingons had dumb ideas about honor" and "i don't care about being klingon." HIS MOTHER WAS RACIST..............if alexander decides the klingon ways aren't for him that's fine but that should be a choice HE GETS TO MAKE what an insane way to be raised. meanwhile people are out here calling worf a deadbeat and he put aside his suicide plan for alexander specifically

other shocking things about this episode: beverly was sooooo good actually. she was channeling bones energy in her fury and i mean that as the highest possible compliment. that other doctor quite literally KILLED A PATIENT because she's so sketchy and focused on her own glory "oh i need tokeep a professional detachment" YEAH SO YOU DON'T FEEL GUILTY ABOUT KILLING PEOPLE. bones would have torn her limb for limb and i'm very glad beverly did too. i just don't understand why she was allowed to like leave the ship and go back to practicing medicine. she should have her medical liscene revoked. was this too also in the name of "both sides" of the debate girl this isn't fox news she KILLED A PATIENT for her own personal gain just space her ass!

the fake-out with worf dying was expected but them faking us out for so LONG was a surprise. i was like how are they gonna get him out of this one and it's literally the klingon anatomy. double of eeeeeverrrything. wow that sure is something. funny that worf has ridges on sooo many places. love that it took until season 5 to see it

also, that surgery scene was GROSS. im not normally squeamish but that little worm thingy they put into him looked awful

devastated there was no worf/riker reunuion at the end but other than that and picard and that other dr lady not getting fired it was extremely good. one of my favs so far i think actually.

tonight: "the outcast" and "cause and effect." i've started spoiling myself w/ episode summaries in order not to get surprised by 3 rape scenes in a row again and ik what both of these are about and im soooo excited for it

[deadpoetsacademiasworld]

ahh this is embarrassing but idk just wanted to put it out cause I have never done it and I have no one who will read it aahaha so yeaassssasaws. if you do read it (I doubt anyone would but it would be great if they did)thank you so much for taking the time I really appreciate it. It's nothing big, maybe very silly maybe not anways it's just a conversation between two strangers. i didn't edit it tho sorry for that. Also feedback would be great

word count:2910 words

But the man i loved never loved me

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So what did you do?

I stopped loving myself.

That seems dumb

Oh (a laugh) maybe but it's complicated. I had loved enough but was never loved , so I figured perhaps he was  right. I dont torture myself but i would exchange myself with my greatest enemy if i ever had one on their deadbed without any hesitantion.(sigh with a smile)

So do you wish to die?

No not at all, if anything I would love to live life.He is married you know, his wife looks like an angel i pray for her everyday.I pray for her love,i pray that she forgives me for my sin. Praying for her love, lord, how shameless I am. But I also pray for his love, because how lucky she is to breathe the same air as him,to share the same cup,to lay next to him. I am sure she deserves it.

Do you hate her?

No, I just said I loved her silly.(a sigh) He loves her,he calls her his muse. I am too plain to be his muse. I saw them on the beach once ,she was eating oranges. I am sure he peeled it for her but who eats oranges on the beach I never did. She is so precious. I only saw her profile before turning away and ohh i have never seen something so perfect.It had to be her, how could i even imagine, i don't even deserve to stand next to her,it would be so funny though. A lady standing to a deformed person, disgusted to see me by her side.

You are not ugly miss

That's very nice of you to say. But it's cruel cause I know you are pitying me or possibly ridiculing me. And if you are pitying me I don't need it. I have pitied myself enough.

I intended not to do any of those. I am sorry if I offended you.

You can't offend me,when I am so deeply self-aware(smiles). I am not mad at you dont worry. I have made amends with my circumstances.It is fitting. 

(Silence–too awkward)

Knowing I won't offend you, I have never met someone who hates themselves and is sane with it.

What about me is sane?and it's not hate its love. Loving makes you insane, even love like mine. I am certain he is insane as well  if he definitely surely loves her.like i do. Have you not ever loved?

No, I have a wife and kid.(eyebrows raised while answering)

Still doesn't answer my question?

I have a loving family and I am more than grateful for them.My parents have never been happier since henry arrived,so yes its lovely we all love each other.

(giving a pitying look)

That’s beautiful.

Thank you yes it is (a grin)

How did you meet her?

My wife, well she moved to our neighbourhood and we had very much in common and in a year we were married.

Oh thats a dream 

(interupting)

What about you,how did you meet him?

You seem very interested in my pain, but I must tell you about it as I have never told a single soul about it.

Not a single person?

Who could I have even told about it,and anyways pain is not something you can really share.But yes i met him when i was 17, a frightening age, i used to work at the bakery,he must have been 20-21 and he would come to the bakery to get 6 chocolate buns or 8 sometimes. Maybe it was his voice that I fell in love with.I didnt have it in me to look at him, and at the same time all i wanted to do was look at him.Sometimes he would come with his office friends wearing their black trench coat and they would talk about exchange stocks market stuff so foreign to me.He would use words like retrospect,conundrum words i still can't spell, he would say it with so much ease. And then he started coming almost everyday and he would get a bun and sit on the wooden chair outside the bakery.Only if he would have never crossed the line and spared me.

I am sorry to spare you?

He gave me hope, he knew what effect he had on me, i mean seeing me tremble with the change,dusting off my apron whenever he entered there were probably so many signs. And then he asked me for my name. I was flabbergasted. It was like the almighty himself had answered my prayers. I never prayed back then. I couldn't tell him, I froze right there,my throat ran dry. I think he smiled. Then the other day i told him my name but he just stared at me for 5 straight seconds felt like eternity and in a very mocking way he said-”oh you have a voice”. It still makes me laugh. It's not funny at all, there's nothing funny about it but it still makes me laugh. 

And then?

One day he left with one of his buns on the platform. No one, not even those kind old ladies, ever offered me anything.I thought it was a sign, he offered me his kindness he offered me his hands to get closer to him, i mean otherwise why would he have left me a bun. But it was too late. He had already left before I could say anything.He didn't return the next day and for another two weeks,and those weeks were tormenting all I could think about was him, I daydreamed like my life depended on it.It really did.I couldn't eat the bun,everywhere i went,it was in my bag.I would take a bite when i left lonely and i promised myself the day i finish eating this bun,i'll stop hoping.But i couldn't take the last bite,it's so stupid but that bun gave me hope,it was my only hope.I decided i would keep it as a token of hope.

But after almost two weeks he returned,he looked way better than he did the last time i saw him, sorry for the stupid metaphor but he was glowing like a first-time mother,like he had everything,you could just see it in his eyes,in his smile.But this time he got 6 buns and 4 muffins,it was odd,cause for the last almost one year i never saw him getting even a white bread from the bakery.Who was it for? Well all i could do was wonder so that's what i did. I did thank him for the bun on his next-visit at first it he acted like he didn't know about but i could see his bluff, he didn't wanted to have the conversation he regretted doing that.He probably went home and cursed at himself for doing that,how dumb of him to do that. 

But then he left me a bun again,this time telling me to enjoy it.Enjoy it what did he mean,was he going to disappear for another week or even a month.I didn't wanted that bun.He offered me the bun on his next visit as well and it felt ridiculing,did he not know that i am the one who makes this every morning, what's the point of offering me this bun. 

I wondered- Can he just not straight-up ask me out,that's what he was trying to do right. I used to read novels back then when the hero would offer the heroine his kindness before courting her,and I thought that's what's happening.But I forgot that he may be a hero but i was no heroine. I didn't have any looks,money, or a talent, only if i could have realised it at that age,but i was young no one to guide me.

So I have no one to blame except my fate.

So did you accept those buns the third time?

Third time?(a laugh) I accepted them every time he offered me till i couldn't. He wouldn't come  as frequently as he did so every-time he came by I was just too happy that I could see him. Now that i say it i sound so sick, I am sick in my mind. So I couldn't really say anything to him. I was absorbed in his presence and I wished for him to say something to me ,anything. But on some visits he looked tired, on those days he wouldn’t even look up,he would order in a stern voice, hands in his pockets or folded and he wouldn't say thank you and would simply put the bun on the counter. Those days he felt real,like a real human being,someone who I could approach,those days gave me more hope. If he was damaged like regular people at least we had something in common, I could be a shield for him.But then in the next few visits he was back to his normal self, and this time him  telling me to enjoy the bun and have a good day  would also give me  hope. I was hopeless, it was all hopeless but still I had so much it's concerning.

So how long did it go on?

Another year, I was almost 19

I see

Well don't worry the story is almost coming to the end.

I am glad(he smiled)

haha(laughing) me too(with a smile).

Well it went for another year,and then one day he finally spoke. He asked Miss Lester,the owner, if he could order buns and pastries for a function for about 50 people in 2 days, and then he looked at me.Miss Lester asked me if we could manage it, how could i have said no. He looked at me again and said thank you. I looked at him and smiled at him for the first and the last time. He didn't come to get the delivery, his friend from work did. He came by after a week,he brought a gift for us,it was a music box. He told Ms.lester how everyone enjoyed it, especially the muffins. I thought of course everyone enjoyed it,I made it with so much love especially those buns. And then he finally spoke to me he said- “ thank you so much for the bakeries,honestly i already knew everyone would love it,i never shut up about this place.thank you so much.” And then he held my hands to thank me again. That's when i saw it i mean i felt it, the ring on his left-ring finger. I don't know what he said after that, it didn't matter. When he dropped my hands it was still in the same position in the air ,I froze again.It was not until miss.lester shook my shoulder to make me realise this was not a dream, me dissociating would not change it. I told her I was alright,but he just looked at me and smiled. 

He ordered 2 buns and 6 muffins that day. He told me to keep the change and was leaving a bun on the platform.But i stopped him by grabbing his wrists before he could put them down and i asked him why?He said what? I asked, the buns why? He answered-Ohh that ,my mother used to bake,the buns you make all the time reminds me of her, it tastes exactly the same, and I know for sure that people who bake barely eat it and I guess I wanted you to eat it cause they are so delicious.My mom regretted not eating enough of it,those were her last words. 

And then he left.

I couldn't believe it was that trivial, but it was.His dead mom was the reason for my sorrow.I pinched myself all day but it was all real. He visited the bakery a week later or maybe days I stopped counting. And he asked for Miss.lester, I told him she will be back in a few minutes. He sat in silence for a few minutes while I took orders and checked the oven.And when he saw there were no customers near the counter, he came to me and asked.”Do you bake cake?”. I knew what he was talking about, his wedding cake. Yes I did know how to bake a cake, i could have made the best cake i mean it but i wouldn't have known how to make his wedding cake. Just then Miss.lester entered I think,she touched my shoulder to bring me back to reality while making her way to counter.She greeted him, he asked her for the cake. She waited for a second nodding and then asked me -do we?. She knew, I never told her but she knew, how could he have not known? 

I said, "No”. She turned to him-”well sir we don't” ,he asked us if we could try and he would pay for the test-cake, But she said “No”. He turned to me and said “my finance wanted to get a cake from here. We would really appreciate it if you guys could make it work” . She replied-”I am sorry we don't make cakes at all”.

He looked disappointed, if he would have asked again, i probably would have agreed.But before he said anything miss.lester told me to go to kitchen and make a list of ingredients we need to buy, we had just got everything yesterday.But i made my way to kitchen and closed the door. I remained at the door,my ears next to the door. She asked him if he wanted to order something,he said-” yes also i wanted to inform you in advance if i do order for muffins and buns for the wedding, its a small wedding so not more than 60-70 each”. 

“I am sorry to inform you but we have decided to stop catering but anything else i can help you with”

He responded with his stern voice-”ohh i see, well 1 buns and 6 muffins”. I thought he ordered only 1 bun and it really was it. But that’s when Miss.lester said “sorry but you cant leave it here”

He said-”I always do”. She replied in a stern voice-”you can’t sir,thank you!”.

She knocked on the door and left, and I knew he was gone. She didn't say anything that day. The next day before wrapping it up, she said -”he’ll probably not come back, unless he has no self-respect.It wasnt entirely your fault ”. That was it, we never talked about it. And that's all about it.

(A  sad smile)

Mind my language but that's a one hell of a story, but did he ever come back? Or you met by accident?

Well i waited for him almost everyday till I worked there. But I was so miserable and distracted all the time I messed up at work, Miss.lester asked me to take some time off.It was for the best,so I left the state and then started working at a wholesale bakeries at the city and then studied a little and now i am working at a restaurant.It’s so much better it keeps me busy.Also no questions about that now.

I really need to try some desserts from you?

Well they are alright, anyways i am going home after years now, my youngest cousin is getting married.What about you where you going?

I was attending my university friend's wedding in Perth, but now I am going back home.

(announcement: last second stop)

Aren't you getting off Miss?

No, it's not my stop.

You are from cardberry as well!(excitment)

Ohh yes! It really is a small world.

You must visit me then.

We will see about that (sportingly),

Ohh please

You should come to the wedding if you can, bring henry as well. I am sure my sister won't mind it's a big wedding anyways, maybe your family is probably invited.I am baking so you could taste the best muffin you ever had.

I really hope so.Let me help you with your luggage.

Thank you so much

It feels good back being home

I guess 

Well is anyone picking you up?

No i will just take the taxi

No,no,no I will drop you off.

And that's when i heard his voice for the first time in 24 years

Hey richard, how was the journey

Good good well meet miss wait i never asked your name 

Good lord, are you the one who used to work at the goodtimes bakery? 

And I froze.

No dad, she doesn't bake

Ohh i see i am sorry you look so much like her.

Well dad I would meet you in the car in a minute.

I am so sorry,I won't tell

Thank you

No no,let me get you a taxi. 

(sat in the taxi)

It really was nice to meet you Miss.

I dont know what to say but It really is a small world (Smiles)

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thank you i actually love you mwah