#i had another pic i was gonna use but it was so misogynistic and i did not anyone to think i was questionable 😹

[cheolhub]

gn

[rnegitsune]

Ok so I thought I'd put together some horror stories from my time as a babymetal fan bc of how drastic the shift in the fandom has been the past year or so. For context I got into babymetal in like june of 2014 (all 3 girls were still underage at the time, I was 22; when I first got into them I thought I would be considered an older fan lmao the naivete, the innocence of new fan me wow I know now I'm not at all in the older half of the fandom esp considering I was born the same decade as su and moa), and I made this blog in I think may of 2015.

I've had people say I should compile men being gross into a post and I just couldn't do that out of fear for my own mental health but this will be pretty close. These are all my experiences with this fandom over the years; I'm definitely missing some but what I do remember should do well to cover most of how this fandom used to be vs now. It's gonna be a lot and tw for men being gross about minors.

Back in my first year or so of this blog I on multiple occasions got dms from men asking to be friends. At the time my bio only said my name and my pronouns. I've always been cautious of dms so I'd ask their age and every single one was considerably older than me. I wouldn't usually answer after that bc no thanks but they would generally try to continue convos til I blocked. The only one I still had was this one

After I put my age in my bio, which was 23 at the time, I never got a dm like that again; take from that what you will. But if you're young please be wary of this hell fandom even now. And if you're an older fan and esp an older male fan reading this, don't dm people trying to be friends. I was over 18 and it still creeped me out to no end.

One of my real first men in this fandom are disgusting moments was a blog back in like 2015 or 2016 who I had some contact with due to common interests; he was a huge yui stan and made bm content. He was like 28 or 29 at the time and I eventually noticed he would tag idols, mostly kpop girls, by their body parts (legs, butt, etc) which is disgusting enough as it is but then I saw him do the same for literal minors, like tzuyu from twice. I messaged him asking what the hell he was doing objectifying women but also actual children and he blocked me lmao. He later unblocked me to let me know that's just how he tagged things and it was my fault he had anxiety and then he blocked me again.

Back before the tumblr purge this fandom was repulsive to a degree I cannot even begin to describe. Someone would reblog something from me, I'd go to their blog and it would be underage jpop idols and japanese p*rn all the way down. I even stumbled upon a man editing underage su into p*rn gifs. Obviously no proof of that but I did go find my initial reaction to it

The number of times I'd get a follow from someone then go to their blog and it would be as mentioned above or their bio would be the most misogynistic trash I'd ever read was staggering. I genuinely considered giving up and deleting this blog so many times bc i felt oberwhelmed and outnumbered by these gross old dudes; and so the fact that this fandom has evolved into a bunch of chaotic wlw?? Amazing, I could cry.

Fun phenomenon of women running bm blogs was men sending messages asking if we liked babymetal. No joke. I think this happened to me two or three times but I spoke w other female creators at the time and it had happened to them as well. My entire blog is babymetal, and yet???

He said the weird guy idk bc he sent some random ass messages vaguely insulting me and when I responded coldly, he acted confused so I said you're some guy idk, hence the above message starting as such. Also that pic and the one up above that has my current pfp bc I just took those screenshots. Like I said I typically blocked weird dms but I guess these passed me by so I still had the messages.

Most people know the sub reddit is the worst and don't need me to tell you but it's a hellscape and I highly recommend avoiding it. A short list of things I've had to see as a result of going there: men discussing at length kano and momoko's appearances and how they look in costume vs in normal clothes. Men discussing at length the hope that the girls would marry men who aren't Japanese, a thread that was from when all 3 girls were underage. They aren't gonna marry you dude they're really not.

The insulting of billie Eilish, a 17 year old at the time, was horrible too. Su and moa got to meet her, something they were extremely excited for, and they posted a pic; the comments were disgusting as you can imagine. The yui rumors were terrible too, fatshaming, slutshaming etc all based on nothing. Some man saying the rumors about yui leaving bc, no joke this was a real rumor, she "got too fat" couldn't be true bc "look at saya." Saya being a barely 18 yo back up dancer who covered the third spot after yui left but before the avengers. Not to mention the upskirt shots from when they were minors, the constant editing of their faces onto explicit photoshoots etc. I remember being a new fan looking for a su pic on google and being horrified at the fact that one of the top suggested results after her name was “bikini;” she was 16 at the time. Also, the uptick in massively creepy posts and messages sent to bm blogs as each girl, but esp moa and yui, approached 18 was disgusting.

Now for some personal nonsense. A big reason why I haven't touched my youtube channel in months is bc I got tired of dealing with the men of this fandom. I poke fun at metal and get told I deserve to die. I say ped*philes and creepy men are gross and get a swarm of middle aged men cursing at me. Had a guy cry about how men are shamed for liking bm and then he turned around and said some gross shit about wlw. Had a guy call me racist for liking a band he also likes (and despite him having no way of knowing my own race) and tell me the babymetal fandom doesn't need my kpop feminist bullshit, which is honestly a great description and I thought about putting it in my yt about lmao. Had a middle aged man unironically say he'd never seen a man be creepy towards bm but fans su and moa's ages calling them hot was creepy. The disillusionment....the level of unawareness is astounding. If you want to see screenshots of some of these comments they are fairly recent in my don't mind me tag; I don't want to see them anymore tho bc they're infuriating so I'm not going to look at them to post here.

Essentially I haven't looked at my channel since may bc men are exhausting and rude and refuse to examine the fandoms they're a part of no matter what. They're told by a woman of the fandom that she's had bad experiences personally and they all start crying about how it's either a lie bc they haven't seen it or unimportant. I did stop reading comments in may and I will never read another one again probably as a result of this shit. Trash men being trash are not worth my time and I refuse to give them anymore of it. I do plan on making more videos tho and let my ~feminist kpop bullshit~ live in their minds rent free.

I will also continue to make fun of metal and the creepy men in this fandom bc it's important and I'm a spiteful asshole who likes disrupting these dudes perfect bubble of a fandom. It genuinely brings me so much joy seeing all the new fans recently (which sidenote if you got into them recently I am kinda curious as to how you found them; I've gotten tons of new followers and considering how inactive they are rn I'm curious). People sending messages about how they finally feel like they belong or that they have a safe space....like I don't even know what to say and I never feel like my responses fully convey how genuinely wonderful that is and how thrilled I am that this is where we're at now and I have had at least some part in it. As this post shows, my experiences have been negative for the most part so the shift recently is such a relief I cannot even begin to explain my gratitude.

So to anyone who read all of this and hasn't disintegrated from the male bullshit, thank you. Keep being yourself and fighting for your place in this fandom, esp if you're a young woman; keep making fun of the creeps and keep making wlw memes!! Babymetal's music is in such a huge way meant for girls and to see more and more finding their way to this previously hellish beyond belief fandom is incredible.

[yibuo]

UMMM I would love to know what exactly happened with xnine too if you know??

i didn’t know how to answer this without hating on long danni but... that’s not possible when you’re talking about xnine

CORRECT ME IF I’M WRONG IN ANY WAY @ DIMPLES AND CFANS

tldr ceo addicted to producing survival shows realizes boy group is incapable of feeding her fat rabbit because of her OWN mismanagement and throws them away (literally? probably not, maybe, idk)

HOLY SHIT THIS BECAME RLY LONG IM BEGGING KEEP READING TO WORK LO LOL LOL

long danni= wjjw company ceo

wjjw=company that xnine, xz, r1se, etc are under

huo mala: fat company rabbit that WILL give u nightmares goodness gracious thinking about him sends chills down my spine

alright so long danni (ldn i will refer to her) & ee media along w/ tencent and sm made the survival show x-fire... the premise of xfire was that 16 contestants split into two different teams (white and red) and then at the end it would boil down to each team having 4 members and the winning team would debut as a group called xfire...but wait...the group’s name is xnine? so out of red team (peng chuyue, baishu, xiao zhan, xia zhiguang) and white team(wu jiacheng, gu jiacheng, zhao lei, and guo zifan) white team won...and they unofficially debuted as xfire..went abroad to train yadda yadda yadda and then a few months later, TELL ME WHY LONG DANNI DECIDES TO RELEASE POLLS TO LET FANS VOTE IN 5 MEMBERS INTO XFIRE TO CREATE XNINE! ldn PLEASE if u wanted to rig the show you should’ve decided in the beginning what was the point of making the teams and the fans fight against each other...

so yeah xz and crew weren’t actually supposed to debut according to show rules...i mean i’m glad they debuted obviously bc x9 is x9 but ee media and frickin ldn couldve handled this better...like every member except chen molerat is amazing and great but....WHY DIDNT MaNAGEMENT NOT BLATANTLY RIG THEM INTO THE GROUP

but also thank u ldn for also letting us get to know the 4 guys who were added n not chen molerat <3 but like DO UR JOB PROPERLY

anyway the polls were RIGGED obviously thanks ldn what did u expect out of making POLLS, and xiao zhan, peng chuyue, xia zhiguang, yan xujia, and chen z*** were added to the group to create xnine...talk about rigged when chen z*** the molerat lookin turdface misogynist was added... anyway at the time he wasnt known to be problematic but ya the whole rigging thing caused a whole rift esp when x9 debuted bc there were fanwars and death threats initially but xfire did well because it was one of the (if not only) survival shows at that time and x9 debuted w/ a good response etc

then they got moved to wjjw (still owned by ldn thanks ldn) and wjjw is known for hoarding artists and not promoting them (THEY HAVE LIKE 45 ARTISTS BUT WERE FORMED 3 YEARS AGO MAKE IT MAKE SENSE) and not being promoted properly was EXACTLY what happened to xnine. as idols what they needed was music promotions, variety shows, etc stuff to get them as people out there but this genius ldn decided to promote them through stupid zodiac dramas like super star academy (to promote xfire finalists) and oh my emperor (which was an xnine drama). now i haven’t watched OME, but SSA gave me enough brain rot and gunk for me to not watch OME. (the only person who could act was baishu), and the story was SO BAD. nevermind the acting, because the boys weren’t initially slated to be actors, but the story was horrible, girl without superpowers suddenly becomes white cult goddess at the end??? WHAT???????? why didn’t ldn just promote them normally !!!!!! are they an actor group or an idol group???? I LOVE XNINE, THEY ARE TALENTED ARTISTS !!!! and eventually some went into acting (xz, guo zifan, gu jiacheng) BUT WAS THAT THE TIME DLFNJNF and then they just kept getting sent into random dramas and movies as random side characters instead of being able to make music and promote????? i’m sorry i’ve been stuck on using dramas to promote x9 for a while because that’s such a SILLY IDEA *vigorously shakes head* 

ldn knows how to do survival shows but she doesn’t know how to promote her artists thanks ldn. xnine has so much talented, we know xiao zhan is a great singer, but other main vocalists like wu jiacheng, zhao lei, and peng chuyue are amazing as welll, here’s me plugging this video of zl and pcy performing their self-written song on produce camp because it’s the most beautiful thing ever

-oh yeah somewhere in here insert chen molerat getting outed as a pedo misogynist cheater by his gf who still has the audacity to have xnine in his weibo name because xnine starting to get popular gtfo rat lookin ass i WILL barf, when we say ot8 xnine we mean xnine w/o chen toadratass but sometimes ppl think it’s xnine minus xz which is untrue-

they also have talented rappers (gu jiacheng yan xujia) and dancers (xia zhiguang guo zifan) like xia zhiguang can end me with his spinning flying kick thing and i WILL let him 

so YEAH !! TALENT that went to waste because wjjw gave them weird random hiatuses and kept pushing them as actors??? seriously what is with this actor stuff...so that’s why they debuted in 2016 and have very little discography to their name because wjjw just gave up...trying to promote them GOD thank u so much ldn for ur incomptency <3333 xnine had members in diff stages of life (ranging from xz who was born in 91, to yan xujia born in 2001, they were all close tho soo cute) and wjjw really was like nope we’re not gonna try to promote yall’s dreams of becoming singers on the stage because they couldn’t add 34783473 pounds to fat huo mala’s weight

so ya a lot of people are like omg wjjw hates xiao zhan!!! ya no they hate all of xnine but now xz is bringing enough money to make huo mala even fatter so good for huo mala i guess /s

also rumors and any bad media? lol wjjw doesn’t care they do a shit job at handling bad things too WHAT A WELLROUNDED COMPANY

OH ALSO TALK ABOUT HOW THYE HAD 3 DAYS TO PREPARE FOR A CONCERT???????????? WHAT????????? wjjw u mfs

anyway to summarize my rants above wjjw did  a SHIT job of promoting xnine as idols when the boys worked so hard and wjjw kept tryna push them to acting bye (some of them can’t act and literally don’t WANT TO ACT HHHSFLNF), wjjw is also horrible at letting all of the xnine members shine when as i mentioned before, they’re ALL TALENTED!!!! and then they just gave up on xnine somewhere in 2017-2018... ok anyway so is xnine disbanded? no although some may say their last concert in dec 2018 was their last concert ever they’re not disbanded

xiao zhan , gu jiacheng, and guo zifan went into acting

wu jiachang is focusing on his music etc (he was actually the first member of xnine i came across when i watched the collaboration/cyzj in 2018...yes carats this is That wu jiacheng!!!) MAN CAN SING

peng chuyue, zhao lei, xia zhiguang, yan xujia all went on produce camp 2019 (aNOTHER SURVIVAL SHOW BC THEY WANTED TO BE ON THE MF STAGE BC THATS WHY THEYRE HERE IN THE FIRST PLACE WJJW) along w/ fellow labelmates zhou zhennan and zhai xiao wen ... and everyone but peng chuyue made it to the final 11 spots and got to debut in the group r1se...UNFORTUNATELY ALSO UNDER WJJW HELP SEND HELP

if they’re in r1se does that mean they quit xnine? no! they’re in both that’s just how survival shows work it’s kind of weird

peng chuyue recently released a song and it’s really good and you can’t not tell me that it’s gay here it is

anyway xnine hasn’t disbanded!! the X玖少年团 (xnine) in the non-r1se members’ weibo names say that loud n clear!!! and when the r1se members from xnine won produce camp 2019, they all made xnine signs SO XNINE IS ALIVE and they do keep in contact!!

why haven’t we seen blatant public interactions btwen xiao zhan and the xnine members? because some frickin annoying xz solo stans/xfx claim that the other members use xz for popularity (HELLO??????? IN WHAT WORLD DOES THAT MAKE SENSE HALF OF THEM R LITERALLY HIS KIDS BUT OK) 

anyway in conclusion wjjw doesn’t know how to promote any of their artists, thus screwing over xnine members and making them go on a group hiatus where they focus on acting/singing/r1se for r1se members but they are very much xnine as of now !!!

here’s some REALLY GOOD RESOURCES to follow xnine bc as an ifan it’s mf hard

-xnine slideshow

-xnine faq

-xnine eng sub channel by yuer

-all of that content i listed above was made/subbed by one person and she is the queen of uhh...xnine international fandom outreach (????) how do i word it but she’s been subbing and spreading xnine long before xiao zhan’s popularity skyrocketed so go follow her for updates and memes here

-xnine intl fanbase twt and tumblr

-and here’s this twt account with dumb pics of xnine because why not

also i’m pretty sure there’s a wip video explaining x9′s history being created (by yuer because queen) so when that’s posted i’ll rb this and post it here

also here’s this video dragging wjjw

[pinkbubbles-and-bigtroubles]

Wicked Game (Part 2)

Word Count: 20K+ total Team Long Winded Bitch strikes again, this will be posted in multiple parts over the next couple of days. The first part is about 5K, part 2 is 7K

Rating: 18+ Slash fic Strong language, alcohol and drug use, and a misogynistic and racist comment. Sexual scenes including masturbation, toys, voyeurism, oral, and anal sex.

Summary: Ashton is ready to move on with his life after his painful divorce from Luke and the demise of the restaurant they’d built together. With the help of his protegee and sous chef Hima Singh, Ashton is ready to take on opening weekend of his new restaurant Anne-Marie’s. Calum is a reporter filling in on an assignment and is surprised when his past comes back to haunt him. Hima arranges an interview that takes an unexpected turn between the two men.

Ashton grabbed his bag and shut off the lights in the bar. Hima was waiting impatiently by the door, keys in hand. Following the disaster of an afternoon, they'd been packed until closing. He'd been too busy cooking to think about it, something he loved about his job. The rush and the heat combined with the complete focus on his work. You had to keep your eyes on your fingers or you got hurt. The satisfaction of plating an order and sending it out until the next order came in, starting the process over again. 

"Will you come on?" Hima tapped her foot, making her keys jangle. "My brother is waiting for us."  Her twin brother had passed the bar exam a month ago, but everything had been so crazy with the opening they hadn't properly celebrated yet. 

The bouncer recognized Hima and let them in immediately. Tirana was a sleek, neon-lit bar favoring overpriced cocktails, elaborately garnished and meant to be as much of a showpiece as a beverage. Ashton eyed the crowd full of men sporting off the rack Italian suits with egos as inflated as their dates' chests. Kabir was waiting in VIP with his friends and waved them up. Ashton congratulated him and ordered a spiked seltzer, passing on the bottle service Kabir offered. Hima was taking shots with the guys and he joined them in a toast. As he was taking a drink he spotted Calum Hood leaning against the wall, looking bored and maybe a little drunk. Hima must've seen his expression because she whipped around just as Calum looked up and noticed them. Ashton tried to look away and act as if he hadn't noticed the other man. Hima had other ideas and made a beeline for the reporter. 

"Hey Calum, fancy meeting you here," she said relieved when he seemed happy to see her. "Come have a drink with us, or am I interrupting something?"

"If you're buying," Calum replied. "A friend brought me here and then fucked off on a phone call." He laughed, but it died out when he saw Ashton.

"Listen," Hima cut him off before he could speak. "I know this afternoon didn't go well, but what you don't know is just before you came in, my boss had to sit through an interview with Kevin Mackie. It did not go well " 

"Oh God, that insufferable bastard," Calum snorted.

"Exactly, and you know Mackie brought up all that old shit from Lune Rouge," Hima told him "That's in addition to insulting every woman who works there, of course." 

Calum cringed, and his eyes flickered back towards Ashton talking to Kabir and his lawyer friends. He couldn't help but notice the contrast between the intense scowling man he'd encountered this afternoon and the smiling bubbly ray of sunshine he was looking at now. Was that an actual giggle? Calum blamed the tequila for agreeing to join Hima for a quick drink since his date still hadn't come back. He'd allowed his editor, Shamara, to set him up twice now, but there wouldn't be a third time. 

Ashton wiped his sweaty palms on his black jeans as he watched Calum following Hima over towards them. He'd found the reporter attractive this afternoon, but he'd been wearing a long sleeve button up for the interview. Tonight Calum was in all black, and the tank top he wore under the leather jacket showed the ink etched into his skin above his collarbones. Ashton gripped the drink in his hands a bit tighter, trying to keep his nerves steady. He slowly edged his way over to where they were talking just as Calum launched into a story about his magazine sending him on a tour of small mom and pop restaurants up the California coast. 

"The owner's husband was sick that day, so she was doing most of the work herself," Calum was saying as Ashton listened in on the conversation. "Beulah was amazing, but they were getting slammed. I asked if she needed any help, and I spent the next three hours manning a fryer. I cooked the chicken, and she'd toss it in the hot oil and spices before slapping it on a bun with the sauce. You'd get the sandwich, pickle, and fries in a little brown sack. We sold hundreds of them, but I knew why when it slowed down enough that I finally got to eat. It's the best chicken sandwich you'll ever have! Tossing it in that spicy oil gives it a flavor that punches you in the mouth. She taught me most of her secrets over the two days I ended up staying until her husband got over the flu.." 

I could listen to this man talk all day, Ashton thought watching Calum's expressions and hands as he told the story. The way his chest rumbled when he laughed, which was often throughout the tale. He seemed like a genuinely warm person, and Hima seemed to like him. Maybe I was wrong, five years is a long time

"That's so sweet," Hima smiled up at Calum as he finished..  She was smitten despite hearing rumors he played for the other team. 

"Ended up extending my trip for an extra five days which caused all sorts of headaches when I got back. My boss was pissed I'd gone over my expense account," Calum said, shaking his head at the memory, his cheeks flushed from the alcohol now loosening his tongue. He was relieved his date was still MIA. Ashton was standing close enough for Calum to smell his cologne, and it was proving distracting. 

"Is that the same magazine you work for now?" Hima asked.

"Yeah, but I was damn near fired. I paid back the money by throwing cash onto my boss's desk when I turned in my story, and he was not amused. The editor-in-chief, who also owns the publisher,  loved my story, and after that, I was sent on more in-depth character profiles. I wanna get to know the people behind the food." Calum looked directly at Ashton, meeting his eyes as he spoke. His breath caught in his throat at the intensity in Ashton's hazel eyes as he listened. How is he this handsome? Calum thought. This man has no right to be this good looking. That chest hair peeking out from under that pink shirt is teasing me. Wonder what's underneath? Wait, no I don’t. Stop thinking about that or you're gonna get hard.

"So what exactly were you sent to find?" Ashton asked, his tone still guarded but more friendly than before. 

Calum took a deep breath and thought quickly. After the interview bombed this afternoon, he came up with a backup plan if Ashton didn't come through. He made a decision to float both his ideas.

"Look, I know a lot of people are bugging you for gossip about your personal life, but that's not what I'm here for. You opened your first restaurant at 25, and the food at Lune Rouge was fantastic. I know I didn't give you a good review then, but I was trying to be edgy and cool," Calum admitted.

Ashton exhaled and closed his eyes. "I'm sorry about this afternoon. Mackie brought up Luke, and when you mentioned Finn I snapped. I'd like to try again, but I know Hima is more interesting. So what did you have in mind?" Ashton smiled and Calum had butterflies in his stomach. 

"I'd like to watch you cook, and see how you are in the kitchen. Tell me how your philosophy on cooking has evolved and what stayed the same," Calum replied. I hope that didn't sound as cringe to him as it did to me. Turning to Hima, he continued talking, "I'd like to do an extra little feature on you if that's ok. It'll give the article a nice balance I think, what do you say?" 

Ashton saw Hima's face light up and knew he'd have to say yes. He had to admit, the pitch sounded great, even if the idea of Calum watching him work made him nervous. They turned towards him to see what he thought, and Ashton's gaze landed on Calum's mouth just as he licked his lips. Please don't do that, he thought to himself. Don't make me think about how you taste, and how those lips would feel against mine.

"I definitely think Hima deserves her own feature. I'll go along with whatever you want," Ashton told them. 

"You know Calum," Hima turned on the charm. "I'm off tomorrow. I could take you to the best Indian restaurant you've never heard of for lunch." Her eyes got huge and she grabbed Calum's arm. "I'm a genius you guys, listen, the restaurant is hella busy, and the boss man," she nodded towards Ashton, "won't be much fun to interview if there are customers waiting. He just redid the kitchen in his condo, so why don't you do the interview there? That way he's not around us idiots at the restaurant." 

Both men stared at her, and Hima panicked thinking she'd overstepped somehow until Ashton nodded. "Sounds like it could work, what do you think?" He asked looking at Calum who nodded, his smile getting broader. 

“Sure, um, that sounds great. Really just um, great," he fished his phone out of his pocket and unlocked it before handing it over. "Go ahead and put your number in, and I'll text you tomorrow." 

"Is that your little sister?" Hima asked, spotting the picture on his lock screen. 

"That's my daughter, Vanessa Joy. Absolute light of my life," Calum beamed, pulling up another pic.

"Daughter?" Hima and Ashton exchanged shocked looks before quickly regaining their composure.

"We were kids. I hadn't figured things out yet," Calum gave his standard explanation. 

He started to say more, but he spotted his now-forgotten date headed back towards them.  Hima saw his grimace and followed his gaze to the approaching man. She guessed he must be a lawyer who wanted everyone to know it, wearing a double-breasted British tailored suit and gold Submariner watch.

"Sorry about that Cal, that was a client who's a real pain in the ass," the newcomer joined their little group, peering at Ashton with suspicion. "I'm Nick Callahan, a junior partner at Fish, Filbeck, and Greene " Hima almost laughed out loud at this skinny little dude in a fancy suit trying to puff out his chest and put some bass in his voice as he went to shake her boss's hand. Ashton looked amused but Calum not so much. 

"Calum, if you don't mind, there's someone I'd like you to meet," Nick waved at a group who'd just come in. He tried to pull Calum away, but he shook Nick's hand off his arm.

"Give me a second, and I'll be over," Calum said, nodding at someone he recognized in the group. "Tell Teddy to order a round of drinks, I'm buying." When Nick still didn't budge, Calum turned his body towards his date and leaned in to whisper in his ear. "I'm interviewing this young lady tomorrow, and I want to get it set up before I get drunk, ok?" 

Nick swallowed at the warning in Calum's voice and scurried off to meet his friends. 

"Sorry about that," Calum turned back, smiling again. He had them each put their number in and saved the info with a smile.  "I'm so glad I ran into y'all. Hima, I will text you in the morning, and Ashton just let me know when and where." He gave her a quick hug and a peck on the cheek which made her blush furiously. He shook Ashton's hand and everything seemed to pause as they locked eyes, exchanging smiles. The handshake lingered a beat too long before they both pulled back completely flustered. 

"See you guys then," Calum made a hasty retreat towards Nick and his friends. 

"What did you do?" Ashton hissed, feeling dizzy, excited, terrified, and nauseous all at once. 

"We'll just have to see, won't we? You two are obviously into each other," Hima tossed her hair over her shoulder, giving Ashton a pointed look. 

"I'm not trying to start anything, you know that. Since the divorce it's been too hard and-" Ashton stopped when she put her finger to his lips.

"It's an interview. With a very attractive reporter. You'll be in your element, you can hide behind your food and your knives, but you can get through this. I want my feature." She glared at him and stood on her tiptoes trying to go eye to eye with him.

He had to laugh. Hima was impossible to stay cross with. As he glanced back over towards Calum, he couldn't deny he was intrigued. Don't get your hopes up, Irwin. 

Kabir came over to drag them back to his friends. Ashton spent the next hour dancing with Kabir's girlfriend and watching his friends try to hit on Hima without getting caught. Hima's family was overprotective, and her mother was constantly pressuring Kabir to find his sister a good match. As a result, she kept her private life closely guarded, even Ashton didn't know much, although he suspected she had a thing going with one of the servers at Anne-Marie's. 

As the song ended, he realized he had to pee. Ashton excused himself and followed the neon arrows to a dimly lit hallway decorated with glow in the dark graffiti. He made his way past the line for the women's room and around two people noisily making out next to the emergency exit. He reached the men's room door just as it swung open towards him. He stumbled back to avoid being hit and collided with the couple behind him. An arm shot out from the tangled bodies, shoving him forward chest first into the man who'd just come out of the bathroom. Ashton put his hands up to steady himself, inhaling the scent of leather and whiskey with a faint whiff of stale tobacco as he looked at Calum's face inches from his own.

"Sorry, uh, I was pushed," Ashton apologized, unable to stop staring at the other man's lips.

"It's ok," Calum's heart was pounding, and he was sure Ashton could feel it through his jacket. He was tempted to make a move and go in for a kiss. He paused long enough to remember the interview, and not wanting to have another misstep, he let the moment pass. "It's all yours," he said squeezing over so Ashton could pass.

Ashton paused, confused, but remembered he was headed to the bathroom. "Thanks, uh, see ya," he replied trying not to stammer. Yeah, that was smooth, he thought. Before he closed the door, he looked back and caught Calum looking back at him.hey both smiled before the crowd closed in and he lost eye contact. He had to stand and splash cold water on his face to get his pulse back to normal. When he looked in the mirror, he saw that his face was still very pink and he was grinning like a fool. I didn't just imagine that did I? What am I doing? What am I going to cook for him? 

*********

Ashton jumped at the sound of the buzzer even though he was expecting her. He quickly let her up, and within seconds Hima was at his door. 

"How did it go?" He hadn't even fully opened the door before the question was past his lips.

"Eager much? Why don't you get me a drink, and I'll decide what I want to tell you," she said, taking off her jacket and hanging it up. 

"You impertinent bitch," Ashton cracked up and headed to the kitchen to put on the kettle.

"You sound like my mother," Hima settled at the bar facing him.

Ashton had expanded his kitchen so he could install a six top gas range and a convection oven while giving himself extra counter space with a small sink directly across and a small island in between. Instead of a dining room, he had an L-shaped bar where he could serve guests directly from the kitchen. He pulled a pitcher of cold brew out of the fridge and poured himself a glass with a splash of cashew milk adding a splash to her cup of hot chai. 

"It's such a shame you're gay. We'd have such a great marriage," she joked blowing on her tea.

"I love you too much to marry you, darling," Ashton replied as always. 

"Good thing I like my new stepdaddy," she told him, and he choked on his coffee. 

"So what did you guys talk about?" He asked when he'd recovered. 

"Mostly me, but also you. What do you want first, the details about him or what he asked about you?" Hima smirked at him, almost laughing when he glared at her. 

"I'll let you decide, how about that?" Ashton rummaged through the refrigerator before pulling out a loaf of bread. 

"Ooh snack time. When did you go to the market? I thought you opened for Rafi today. What are you gonna make for him?" She fired off, trying to crane her neck to see what he bought.

"Nope, you're gonna talk or you're not getting fed. I went before I went in at ten and I stayed till eight. I've barely got home, and I don't need your attitude, young lady. Now spill it," he told her as he pulled out a couple of onions and some gruyere cheese. 

"I love it when you're pissy. It looks so good on you. So I took him to Parvati's and ordered chana masala on roasted sweet potatoes. It was so good, I wish you liked Indian food more. We talked about my family, and how they're mostly engineers and lawyers but food was my passion. Confessed that when we first met, I had the biggest crush on you because you were so handsome." She giggled and made a show of fluttering her eyelashes at him. Ashton blushed and threw a caper at her. Hima swatted it back at him and kept talking. "Calum agreed you were handsome by the way. So I told him how you'd mentored me, and when you left the Hilton to open Anne-Marie's, you brought me with you. It was very heartwarming, and I promise I made you look good. He asked a few questions about you, but it was mostly professional stuff. What was it like working for you? What kind of collaborative effort went into the menu? Stuff like that," she shrugged watching Ashton heat up some soup as the sandwiches cooked. 

"Well, that's a lot of nothing. I thought you were better than that," Ashton said, pouting his lips at her. 

"I know he asked if you were single, but he was hella smooth about it. He asked what kind of gift he should bring tomorrow, whether it should be a bottle of wine or something you could share if you had a roommate. Don't worry, I let him know you were single, but I was cool about it," Hima grinned at her boss's discomfort. He cut the sandwich in half and poured a cup of soup to go with it. He cut some fresh chives to top off the soup along with some crème Fraiche and fresh cracked pepper. 

She stopped talking to enjoy the food. Ashton introduced her to cream of celery soup and it quickly became a favorite. The sandwich was beyond good yet incredibly simple: sauteed onions on a grilled cheese sandwich made with Ashton's homemade compound shallot-butter. 

"I'm disappointed, I thought you were better than that," Ashton raised his eyebrows at her.

"I'm not done, I'm just enjoying the food. My compliments to the chef." Hima ripped a piece of crust off her sandwich and dipped it in her soup. "I found out some things about Mr. Tall Dark and Handsome," she told him before running her tongue along the edge of the bread and then taking a bite. 

Ashton laughed and flipped her off. He had pastry cream cooking in a double boiler, so he was continuously stirring between bites. 

Watching him work, she never knew if she was completely in awe of him or a little in love with him, but probably both if she was honest with herself. She'd told Calum as much, off the record of course. It always amazed her how his large hands could be so nimble and quick with a knife, yet so delicate and careful when he was garnishing and plating. She'd told Calum how grateful she was that Ashton had given her such a huge opportunity without being patronizing or expecting her to touch his cock. 

People might think cooking would be a natural fit for a woman but professional kitchens were very much a man's world. You had to be physically and mentally tough. She was lucky that she'd gotten out the hotels before she'd been subjected to sexual harassment, but she'd seen enough. Ashton didn't tolerate any kind of physical or verbal harassment, but every cook could curse a blue streak and work through an injury. Most cooks wore their scars like battle wounds. Hima had a jagged thin white line trailing down her left forearm from a staple on a lettuce box that ripped her flesh open while putting away a truck. Ashton had a couple of red welts from the panini grill decorating his arms and a gnarly pink, puckered scar on his left wrist from an accident with molten sugar years ago.

"Ok so, he's a year and a half younger than you, turns 28 in January actually. Aquarius, so that should be fun. Never married, but he's got the kid," Hima informed him.

"That really came out of nowhere the other night. I never would've guessed that," Ashton said over his shoulder, turning his back on her to keep stirring. 

"It happened when he was in high school. His first girlfriend, their senior year of high school. They'd already been broken up for two months when they got the news, just when he'd started to figure out his sexuality. They tried to get back together for the sake of their daughter but quickly realized it wouldn't work in a traditional way. Now they're best friends and co-parents to Vanessa Joy. In fact, when Nicole married her boyfriend, Michael, two years ago Calum walked her down the aisle," Hima told him.

Ashton's jaw dropped. "What the hell, Hima? You guys had lunch one time and you know his life story." 

"My mother's interrogation skills rubbed off I guess. His daughter also happened to call while he was with me. It was so cute; she made the honor roll and he was so proud. He apologized for taking the call during lunch but said he always has to answer if it's his daughter or his mom." 

Ashton turned towards Hima, smiling and blushing, "I can respect that." 

"I'm sure you can, Mama's boy," she replied. "Honestly the two of you are adorable. A pair of smitten kittens. He kept asking questions about what it's like to work with you. What are you like as a boss? And every question he got this funny little smile and couldn't look at me. I really hate that you get the best looking guys. It's bad enough you look like that," Hima gestured at him as she looked him up and down. "First Luke, and now Calum, I'm so jealous. That being said I really hope you hook up with him. You could stand to get laid." 

"Watch it," he cautioned, not wanting to kill the mood.

"Sorry, but the other night y'all had some serious chemistry. You should go for it. Speaking of, I gotta go. Kabir is having a date night so I actually don't have to go home," she checked her phone, and Ashton didn't recognize the gaudy pink glitter case. 

She caught his puzzled expression and laughed, "My mom checks my location, so my iPhone and my car stay at Maisie's. Everything gets forwarded here, and I don't have to answer a million questions." 

"You're 24, how are you still dealing with this? When is your mother going to treat you like an adult?" Ashton shook his head, he never understood how she dealt with her family.

She sighed, "It's impossible to explain unless you have Asian parents. My mom grew up here, but my grandparents were still very much rooted in India. If you think my mom is difficult, you should've met grandma." A text came in, and she wrinkled her nose in annoyance reading it. "Why am I the only person who's punctual?" She muttered to herself before looking back at Ashton. "So what are you making tomorrow for the big date, I mean, interview? Mind if I smoke?" 

He shook his head and followed her onto the balcony. "Stop saying that, I'm nervous enough as it is. I'm starting with a wilted chard salad with figs and goat cheese, and maybe a soup. I haven't decided, but for the main, I'm making mushroom Wellington with my specialty Mac and cheese and whatever vegetables I pick up at the market tomorrow morning. I'm making a sorbet for dessert. I was going to make a pavlova, but I don't have the patience for merengue right now." 

"Calum doesn't stand a chance, he'll be thoroughly seduced. Then I'll get my magazine story and be a star. People will start asking me for photos on the street, they'll learn how to pronounce my name, and I'm only going by Hima. I think I can get away with just one name, like Madonna, Beyonce, and Cher. Don't you? I promise the fame won't go to my head. I'll still be Hima from the block." 

Ashton cracked up. "Ok there, Roxy Hart," he teased. "You are so extra, it's too much for an old gay like myself." 

"You're not even thirty," she protested. Another text came in and her eyes lit up. She stubbed her cigarette out on the bottom of her shoe before wiping it clean with a napkin and stuffed both in her purse to throw away outside. "You've just gotta get back on the horse, and Calum seems like the type who'd be into chaps and spurs." 

"Don't you have places to go, people to do?" He asked, walking her to the door.

"Sure do, good luck tomorrow," she kissed his cheek and was gone.

*********

Calum finished the dishes and popped another antacid in his mouth. Spicy food didn't used to give him heartburn. Getting old I guess. His dog, Brutus, danced around his feet begging for a treat. 

"Not gonna happen, old man," he bent down to scratch the pooch behind his ears, but Brutus immediately flipped over for a belly rub. "Greedy bastard," Calum chuckled but obliged with a ton down and chin scratches. He found a chew stick on the couch and tossed it over by the dog's bed, and soon Brutus was curled up contentedly gnawing himself to sleep. 

Calum watched his little guy for a bit before heading to his desk to type out a rough draft. Hima was a firecracker, full of energy and ideas, and hard to keep up with. She talked a mile a minute, often switching topics mid-thought as she spoke. He'd had his voice recorder on, but he liked to write his first draft from memory. He admired her passion for her work, and her determination to follow her own path. She was fiercely loyal to Ashton and grateful for the opportunity he'd given her. Calum would've suspected she was a bit smitten with her boss, but she openly admitted her crush. She was quick to insist Ashton had never encouraged or entertained the idea, but she didn't need to tell him that. 

Calum knew all about Ashton's history, the cheating, the fights, the messy breakup that brought the restaurant down. He exhaled, nervous about having that conversation. He shut his laptop, now too distracted to write. It's just an interview, calm down. He tried to be rational, but his thoughts kept drifting back to bumping into Ashton at the bar. The pink shirt, the star tattoo begging to be traced with his tongue, those hazel eyes that made his heart jump into his stomach. He tried to focus on his laptop. This article wasn't going to write itself. 

****

Ashton laid on his back, concentrating on his breathing as he pressed his knees to the floor in reclining bound angle pose. He'd had too much coffee, and although his body was tired, his mind was racing. His phone was vibrating on the dresser, but Ashton ignored it, moving into a butterfly pose and touching his forehead to the floor. He exhaled, trying to clear his mind. But all he could think about was Calum Hood. He had a brand new restaurant to run. Now was not a good time to become infatuated with a handsome reporter. So why haven't you stopped smiling all day?  

He breathed deeply, in, out, in, out. But he couldn't concentrate, couldn't calm down. He pushed himself off the floor and grabbed his water off the table. He opened his phone and was surprised to see a notification from the restaurant security system. 

Alarm deactivated at 12:02 AM 

Alarm Panel 2

Code: 4452

Ashton realized Hima was at the restaurant. He knew she usually went there after her accounting class but that definitely wasn't the case tonight. Probably popped in for a bottle of wine, which doesn't sound like a bad idea. 

The kitchen tiles were chilly beneath his bare feet as he headed towards the small wine fridge on his counter. Craving something sweet, he found a Shiraz he'd been saving and poured a small glass. He scrolled through Spotify, picking a playlist at random, and Robyn's  "Dancing on my Own" came over the speakers following him through the apartment back into his bedroom. He caught sight of himself in the mirror and paused. 

He pulled his shirt off and turned around examining the freshly-healed Phoenix tattoo decorating his left side from his hip to the top of his ribs,  covering up the tattoo of Luke's name, birth date, and their wedding date. He trusted his tattoo artist and let him have creative freedom on the brightly-colored feathers and flames. It turned out beautifully. He turned sideways, rubbing his stomach and flexing in the mirror. He was in the best shape he'd been in since he was a teenager. Yoga kept him toned and lean so he was muscled without being bulky.

I'm giving it my all

But I'm not the girl you're taking home

He let the Swedish synth-pop beat take over, his hips swaying as he listened to lyrics about loneliness and feeling left out.

I keep dancing on my own

The irony wasn't lost on him as he kept dancing, moving away from the mirror. The next song was too slow so he quickly scrolled looking for something better. He clicked on Whitney Houston's "How Will I Know," and began to sing along. He saw that Hima hadn't left the restaurant and opened up the security camera feed on his phone to make sure she was ok. 

****

The more Calum stared at the screen the more his concentration drifted. He wondered if Ashton had a type. Cal knew he was decent looking, but he wasn't Luke Hemmings. He snorted at the thought of that simpering pretty boy. Luke was a spoiled child, soft and weak, thinking only of himself. I bet he's selfish in bed, probably a bossy bottom  He was surprised at the surge of jealousy he felt. Don't bring Finn into this. He rubbed his temples at the memory of finding out his then-boyfriend was cheating with Luke.

Finn was always looking for an opportunity, whatever would take him to the next level. His relationship of almost a year with Calum failed to get him noticed in the food press. Finn felt Ashton didn't give him enough credit at Lune Rouge and whined constantly about it. Cal was having his own career struggles at the time and personally thought Finn was acting like a spoiled brat instead of being grateful for the opportunity. They began to spend less time together after Calum's snarky review caused a huge blow up. So when Ashton and Luke's relationship began to fray, Finn had time to lend a sympathetic ear. Calum suspected Finn was cheating, but he bought into the “golden couple” bullshit so Luke never crossed his mind. Calum was shocked and gutted when he walked in on the two of them one afternoon. Finn was supposed to be out of town, and Calum popped by to check on his dogs. The sound of sex greeted him when he opened the door and he should have left right then. His curiosity got the better of him, and he walked towards the bedroom. Their moans masked the sound of his boots as someone had a very loud orgasm. Calum opened the door as they were falling away from each other. He walked in to find them panting for breath, sweaty and beautiful with the afterglow. Luke panicked and tried to hide himself, but Finn didn't flinch. 

"Well, I guess you know now," he said, smirking as his green eyes met Calum's. "If you're down for it, we've been talking about trying a third. You can top us both if you want." He shrugged and Calum physically felt the spell break. Looking back, he knew Finn broke his ego more than his heart. He'd been humiliated when it all came out, but he knew the affair had been worse for Ashton. He could tell Ashton was still damaged but definitely not broken. Wouldn't mind letting him break me, Calum thought, his mind wandering back to that unbuttoned pink shirt, Ashton's chest and neck begging to be marked up. I bet he likes it rough. 

Calum caught himself daydreaming again and blinked the half-filled word document back into focus. He couldn't remember the last time he'd had a crush on someone, and he felt ridiculous. How am I gonna get through this interview?  It didn't help that Hima kept teasing him about it being a date. Calum's last date, with Nick the lawyer, had been a disaster. He'd ended up leaving after Nick disappeared on another phone call.

The truth was, he was excited about this interview and wished it really was a date. He'd scheduled a quick haircut and shave in the morning and carefully picked out an outfit. He figured his short-sleeve, red button-up paired with a black tank underneath would show off his arms while helping to hide his tummy pudge. He rubbed his stomach, still poking out from the leftover Indian food he'd finished off an hour ago, before letting his hand wander down and brushing his fingers across his cock and feeling it twitch in his basketball shorts. He wondered what Ashton would be wearing tomorrow. He pictured Ashton at the club, the ripped black jeans and the pink shirt unbuttoned enough to tease him. His dick twitched in his hand, waking up and demanding attention. 

****

Ashton gasped and almost dropped his phone at the sight of Hima standing in the break room in nothing but her bra and panties. He hadn't recovered from that shock when a male figure crawled into the frame. It took Ashton several seconds to realize the man was nude and covered in tattoos. The tattoos rang a bell, and he realized he was looking at Dakota, model/actor, Maisie's nephew, and a server at Anne Marie's. Dakota was a dark, brooding pretty boy with a perfect pink pout and tousled dark curls that he was always brushing out of his eyes. He was great at his job, but other than that he'd made no impression on Ashton, until now. Ashton watched the younger man on his knees in front of Hima as he sucked on her bright pink cock. What the fuck is happening?

Ashton blinked at his screen, still processing everything when Dakota stood up and bent over the table. Hima lined up behind him and thrust her hips against his ass. Ashton gulped for air and felt beads of sweat break out on his upper lip. He watched for a minute, hypnotized by Dakota writhing in pleasure, his black curls bouncing with every stroke, shoulders hunching over as he gripped the table. Ashton's mind flashed to Calum and what it would look like to have him bent over like that. He realized his dick was getting hard and quickly closed the app, feeling embarrassed for invading her privacy. He fumbled getting his phone into his pocket and accidentally skipped to the next song. "Anytime, Any Place," by Janet Jackson filled the room.  He laughed to himself at the sexy song and took another sip of wine. 

****

Calum squeezed himself through his clothes. He vaguely remembered Finn telling him Ashton was rumored to have a massive cock. He groaned at the thought of Ashton's hazel eyes looking down at him while he was on his knees. He imagined Ashton's cock brushing against his lips, teasing both of them. Calum groaned and gave up any pretense of trying to work. He stood up too quickly and knocked his chair over causing Brutus to wake from a dead sleep and start barking his head off. 

"It's ok, boy," Calum assured him, making sure he laid back down before going into his bedroom and shutting the door. Moments later he was stripped down to his boxers and shirt digging through his top dresser drawer until he found the small bag hiding under his socks. He pulled a bottle of lube and a small silicone sleeve out of the bag and walked back to the bed. He peeled off his shirt, kicked off his underwear and laid on his back on the bed. His cock was flat against his stomach, and as Calum reached for it he wondered what Ashton was doing right now.

****

Ashton felt the plug slip into his ass and shivered at the chill of the stainless steel. He wiped his hands off on a towel and walked out of the bathroom into his bedroom. The music was still playing. Janet's silky smooth voice gave way to Beyonce’s sultry vocals

Baby put your arms around me

Tell me I'm a problem

He walked back into his bedroom, feeling delicious shivers from the pressure on his prostate as he moved. The city lights illuminated the room from the open blinds on the balcony. 

Stop acting so scared, just do what I tell

First go through my legs, go back on your head

And whatever you want, yeah baby I'll bet it comes true

He reached down and squeezed his dick, rubbing his thumb over the tip down to the sensitive underside of the ridge. Pulling the shaft down and away from his body, pushing almost to the point of pain before easing up and giving it a nice slow stroke. He repeated the motion, each time pulling a little harder, edging a little closer to making it hurt, each time when he pulled back the relief was more intense. His fantasies were new visions: dark eyes and black curls still coming into focus in his mind's eye. He squeezed his muscles around the plug as he tapped the remote on the table next to him. The plug began to vibrate on the lowest speed and Ashton hissed at the sensation. He wondered if he'd let Calum fuck him.  Ashton didn't bottom very often. Luke didn't like to do the work, rarely agreed to switch up and whined whenever he did.  Calum looked like he could give as well as he got. 

***

Calum grunted as he pushed his cock, slick and shiny with lube, into the sleeve. His hips jerked upwards into the air as the countless smooth nubby fingers lining the inside of the toy closed around his swollen shaft, gripping and massaging the taut skin with every stroke. He screwed his eyes shut picturing Ashton on his back with his knees pulled up to his chest as he begged for him. Calum bit his lip to stifle a moan, slowing down his speed, not wanting to cum too fast. Hima told him Ashton called himself a “bendy boy” and had a strict yoga routine which just sent Calum's mind spinning, picturing trying different positions until Ashton was screaming for him. Calum moved his hand away, leaving the toy. The scenario in his mind began to switch up. The only thing Calum could think of hotter than fucking Ashton was getting railed by his massive cock. 

****

The combed cotton, high-thread-count pillowcase felt velvety soft and air-conditioned chilled when he bunched the pillow in his fists as he thrust his hips, burying his shaft in the soft folds. It felt amazing but was cold comfort when he was craving Calum's body heat. He turned the remote up a notch and adjusted the settings; a pulse pattern began throbbing against his core. He squeezed down on his dick even harder. He could feel the delicate feathers snapping under his fingers, but he didn't care. Ashton ached for release, longing to have Calum in his bed tonight. Every nerve in his body seemed to come alive as his orgasm began to build. His hips pumped faster trying to match the pulsing rhythm inside him. He wanted Calum, with a craving he’d never felt before. Something in those dark eyes challenged Ashton. There was something about this mysterious reporter that he needed to discover. He was getting closer with every stroke, the fantasy switching to pounding Calum into the mattress, seeing how well he could throw it back. The image was too much and he shuddered, cursing out loud as his climax hit. His hips stuttered and his legs wobbled, forcing him to his knees. The vibrator extended his orgasm, milking him drop by drop as he whimpered and fumbled for the remote. When he finally turned it off, he rolled onto his back and tried to catch his breath, thankful he'd bought a nice fluffy rug to put next to his bed. .  

****

Calum flipped over onto his stomach, grinding down with his hips, the sleeve moving with the friction. He wondered if Ashton was vanilla or if he could get into Calum's slight pain kink. He'd looked for Ashton on FetLife to no avail, but he was fairly sure he'd found Hima so that was a surprise. Calum reached up and tugged his nipple hard as his hips rocked slowly. There was a power to Ashton. He had a dominant side which Calum had clearly seen in his dynamic with Luke, despite Ashton being smaller in size. Calum wanted to see how he'd take charge because he wasn't soft like Luke, but he had no doubt Ashton could handle him. Calum raised himself up on his forearms, pumping his hips furiously. He thought about those arms wrapped around his neck, his teeth grazing Ashton's blood moon tattoos as he bent Cal over and took him hard and fast. He whimpered, biting the pillow, his rhythm starting to stutter as he thought about Ashton looking up at him, eyes wide with Calum's hand at his throat as they reached their high together. Calum was just at the edge when he quickly rolled over, removing the toy and ruining his orgasm. He gasped, his whole body shaking as his release spilled onto his belly. After a moment he reached down, using the sleeve to tease the tip through the aftershocks until it became too sensitive to touch. He was hungry again, so he grabbed a Kleenex and wiped himself off as best he could before walking, still naked, back through his house to turn on the oven. Pizza was always a good snack after sex, and he had an article to work on.

@sublimehood​​ @tea4sykes​​ @be-ready-when-i-say-go​ @scribblesos​​ @kiiiimberlyriiiicker1995​​ @wildmichaelflower​​ @castaway-cashton​​ @damselindistressanu​​ @notinthesameguey​​ @cashtonasfuck​ @irwinkitten​ @mermaidcashton​​ @malumsmermaid​​

[alovevigilante]

Me: Ok. I’ve made an executive decision on behalf of all of us...

Me also: are you an executive?

Me: yes.

Me also: at what company?

Me: ours. Yours and mine.

Me 3: and mine too!

Me: yes, at threes company, ok? Will you just listen to me? (The other me’s sit, silent) thank you. Now, we have all come to terms with the fact that we’re 46 and still not sure where the hell we fit in in society, let alone a career to help aid it, right?

Other me’s: yes, Agreed, (hub hub etc...)

Me: ok, good. Well, not good, but yes, we all concur. Now, we, collectively, are a fucking mess, so I propose this: we start from scratch. At zero point, ok? Ok! Great!

Me also: um, question?

Me: yes?

Me also: I don’t mean to be a contrarian or anything, but we’ve been here on earth now for 46 years, and we’ve experienced a butt ton. So, how do you just scrap it all, and have that be something that’s widely accepted by society as a whole?

Me 3: yeah! Cause I saw this one “I love Lucy” where she couldn’t even audition for a tv show without having some experience.

Me: yeah, but we’re completely walking away from the entertainment industry...

Me also: yeah, but what are we going to do? Walk into a different profession, let’s say, being an astrophysicist, and they say, “hey lady, where are your degrees and your on the job training, & oh, I see here on your non resume that you have never even taken a physics class. Were you in a coma for 50 years or something?” And then we’ll look like an asshole.

Me: good point. So, since we can’t start at a zero point, how do we make life ok from where we’re at if we’re feeling lost and confused about what to do next?

Me 3: I dunno.

Me also: well, maybe we can mediate.

Me: eh. You feel like that?

Me 3: not particularly. Me also?

Me also: I was hoping one of you would do it for me...

Me: no.

Me 3: no.

Me also: fine. Any other ideas?

Me: well... how about thinking about shit.

Me also: that’s what got us in this mess to begin with!

George Carlin: hello ladies! May I be of some assistance here?

Me 3: why not? We’re plum out of ideas...

George: ok, well, let’s simplify a bit, Kari, singular, let’s chat.

Kari: hey George.

George: love the pic you choose to rep me.

Kari: yeah. You’re being a lil Italian when you talk with the garlic clove shaped hand you got going there. 🤌 🧄 🇮🇹

George: Yeah. I’m diggin it. But you know, in your mind, I’m one of the reasons you’re here in this ass place.

Kari: you are? how do you figure?

George: people don’t like the fact that you write on behalf of the deceased.

Kari: well, Tim burton did it in beetle juice and a lot of folks love him..

George: ok Kari, can I be Frank... Sinatra-like with you?

Kari: I dunno, can you?

George: yeah. Just pretend I’m sporting a fedora, a cigarette in one hand, and throwing my jacket back over my shoulder with the other looking at you coyly.

Kari: ok... if you want to... but is the cigarette in his pocket? Cause if it’s lit, that shits gonna hurt his Netherlands eventually....

George: (like Sinatra) no. Now listen up, baby, it’s not normal to write on behalf of a dead person that was not a character, and that whom was once alive. People get touchy about it. We have friends still alive that knew us and probably don’t dig it.

Kari: I see.

George: so it seems like we’re at a crossroads here. What do you want to do about it?

Kari: do about what?

George: your writing! It’s freakin everyone out! Kari, look, you know how normal Hollywood is, ok? They are all normal, non creative, in the box gladly thinker kinda people...

Kari: they are?

George: yes!!! Come on, keillor, get with the program! You are too far fetched for these folks! They want normalcy, and sameness, and only all the shit that’s ever been shat!

Kari: George, are we talking about Hollywood California, here? Or Hollywood podunk nah? Because Hollywood California is where all the creatives go to create!

George: right! And guess what, Kari Keillor! You are not welcomed in Hollywood, California! They have a sign up with your picture on it at the airport that says, “beware! No to this woman! Too much with the weirdness! She writes dead people!”

Kari: I write live people too... hey, do I have a cowboy hat and a mustache on for my mugshot on that sign?

George: nice one Cookie Monster! Well, Keillor why not?! You may as well, because this story has as much validity as any other story you make up and make worse in your head cause you’re sensitive about of your writing...

Kari: you’re the one that said all that shit! You planted it in my head!!!

George: so I did, but remember, I’m a facet of you. So, decide. Is there any validity to what I/you said?

Kari: how the hell should I know?! I haven’t been in lax recently...

George: right! So you never know until you try talking to some people.

Kari: I’ll call the airport... Listen, George, I’ll be perfectly Frank Sinatra with you now, ok.?

Don rickles: no mere woman can be like ole blue eyes...

Kari: Shut your misogynistic, ass-kissing pie hole, Pickles.

Pickles rickles: oh fuck... she does it to me every time...

Frank Sinatra:, you tell him, baby!

Kari: I’m 46. (Back to George Carlin) Anyway, look George, I have had a few successful people from my entertainment past either shun or block me for no apparent reason, so I’m pretty sure that I’m not well received again, for whatever reason... probably because I wrote the truth about a second city class I took when I was 16, about the current state of snl which I am completely unfamiliar with because I do not watch it, and the way comedy has changed or not over the last many years. Come to think of it, maybe it was because I love frank oz, and frank was mad cause I wrote that belushi John was teasing him and calling him an asshole, another ironic statement because clearly frank oz, NOT an asshole, was many of the muppets for years, and Frank is one of my idols! (Not a true central religious figure to me, but someone I admire a lot...)

Frank Sinatra: who loves ya, baby??

Kari: (to Frank) kojak. (Back to herself) Or it could be because i called bill murray, the beloved patron saint of comedy, an asshole like me, yes, I said like ME, out of jest and irony, because yes, he cared about the kid in meatballs making friends, ok?! That’s probably it. & yes, i was kinda stoned when I wrote it, and also yes, I still can’t figure out why the movie was ducking named “meatballs”, cause there wasn’t an Italian to be seen in it! Ok?! And come to think of it bill as Peter venkman in ghostbusters 2, written in part, by him I think but let’s just say yes cause it supports my point, called all of New York City and it’s tri state area, all 3 million people, miserable assholes, and they took a head count, & they still (probably mostly) all love him! & that shit was good (I love that movie so much) and it was made in 1989, and that was a long ass time ago, ok? And some of those people, have procreated since then, and again, they all love bill Murray and now those “miserable asshole’s” kids, ALSO love Bill now! Double the miserable assholes! Why?! Because he’s funny, and much like me when I’m being tongue and cheek, he didn’t mean for people to take the shit he says seriously! See for yourself! https://youtu.be/t1gkRAWvxOs (1:15 on)

So yes!!! I just think people are not into that kind of talk from me and me alone, even though it wasn’t coming from a mean or spiteful place. It was coming from a place of love for my craft, and of both frank oz, and bill Murray. The rest, as I say once again... I dunno....

George: Kari, frank just told you he loves you, and you blatantly ignored him...

Kari: no, he asked who loved me. He didn’t say he loved me.

George: Keillor, stop being so mean to the dead crooners, ok?

Kari: pickles isn’t a crooner! He’s a ye olde well paid curmudgeon who made fun of everyone like a jerk fach.

George: um, Kari...

Kari: no, ok? No! The difference between me and pickles, besides everything under the sun other than the fact we’re both human, is the fact that I am pointing out the obvious hypocrisy of the way we are set up as society, and wanting to heal it within myself to make it a more palatable world for me and my family and friends and acquaintances to live in. And pickles thought making fun of people was ok. What royal lineage did pickles come from that he’s able to rip on everyone the way he did? And even if he was of a royal bloodline so fucking what?! And dude got paid to be mean! And normal people made him rich and famous! And how did that become prevalent, let alone celebrated in this world?! Roast em! Yes! Hilarious.

Dean Martin: oh noooo... hey, listen pally...

Kari: dean, don’t get me started, ok? Cause I like you, I really do, but you know how I feel about that shit... Listen, Dean, you left a legacy here that was mostly great, but in my opinion needs a lil tweaking. Instead of “roasts” which people do to this day, and I can’t see how it can make the honoree feel anything other than like major ass, we should have “toasts” (copyright Kari keillor 3/19/21 actually before this date but I never published publicly...)

Pickles rickles: toasts?!? What is THAT supposed to mean?!

Kari: it means, my curious lil ornery pickles, that instead of roasting someone and being a mean rotter egg to them, you can “toast” them. Cheers to you, honoree, we salute you, in a hilarious way, by being honest about you but not vicious, viper like, and cruel. It’s where everyone laughs together cause it’s not a character assassination, instead of ripping on someone. It’s being funny, and yes, in a KIND and uplifting way. Where you actually celebrate the person being honored. Now, will that take a lil more brain power then the go-to usual jerk fach? Yes. But, it’s a challenge I hope everyone will accept for the good of all of us. Cause I guarantee that no one walks out of a roast feeling great. And if they do, cause they thought they killed or whatever, they probably did. And not in a good way. And that, again, is ass. No one wins. It’s a short lived feeling, the feeling of “one upping” a person. It never makes you feel better about you in the long run.

Dean: I see. I think I’ll go work on my volare now...

Kari: see?!? Now THAT I like! It’s not at anyone’s expense!

George: oh shit.... kari.... Why do you give a fuck about all this?

Kari: you know why George? Cause this has become our accepted collective energy! The haves and the have nots! Take away your money and what have you got?! Who are you, without the people who have made you who you are?! People, make other people in the 3D reality we live in. So take away everyone’s cash money, homes, clothes, and all the cars, and all the shit, and what do ya got? A bunch of naked humans starring at our different body bits, ok?! We’re All the f’n same. So think about it. What are we each individually contributing energetically to the whole of us? What message are we sending the next generations In our every day lives? I’ll tell you what message. Whatever we feel about ourselves individually both good and bad. THAT’S what energy we all give, and receive from one another. That’s what we’re teaching the kids. They model themselves after how we feel, and how we choose to think, and how we decide to act toward others. So let’s all collectively recognize that, and how we treat other human beings and wake up first inside ourselves then beyond ourselves so we can all make the whole, better.

I am not an asshole or a human joke or any other kind of joke. I’m not going to cry over the fact that I’m not accepted by people who’s energies don’t match mine. And by the by, no one is a joke, no matter who they are, or what their socioeconomic standing is. So I don’t wear an ascot and a smoking jacket, and a neck full of gold chains and chest hair, holding a whiskey on the rocks with an umbrella in it saying “see that?! be somebody!” ok?! I’m not Steve Martin in the jerk, ok? https://youtu.be/tBfXTyzaUfQ

I’m not even close to Hollywood! I live in the Midwest! I’m Kariwood, ok? And I’m not even kari wood, I’m no woods, ok? cause I’m pretty much never in the woods or the outdoors for that matter, so much so that I just purchased a sweatshirt that says, “indoorsy” on it, ok? True story! So yeah. Cause one time I was in Wisconsin in the woods, and I was thinking, “look at me! I’m in the woods! Weird, no?!” (Cause never in the woods, but I thought, I’ll give it a shot! What’s the worst that can happen?) And guess what? Despite my shower the night before, I felt something on the base of my skull the next morning, and I picked out a really nasty, creepy and scary tick. And it was alive, and disgusting, and wiggly. And I started screaming. And I am still freaked out to this day about it. And that happened at least 17 years ago. And I didn’t like it. So that’s how “non woods-y” I am... I’m not even a fan of woodsy the owl, ok?

So I don’t know how I feel about all that. All this to say that I am definitely not Hollywood, but yes, I am included, as a “somebody”. I may not be an award winning, keillor, but I am still somebody, and I may not be rich and famous, but yes, I am somebody, and I may have been on one trajectory and now I do t know what the heck I am now, ok? It’s true, and yes, I’ve posted this before and I’ll keep posting it until everyone in me gets on board with it, yes! I am still somebody because yes, dear me, we are all this: somebody! : https://youtu.be/tu0lNcrZjG8

George: hard to argue with that.

Kari: eh. You know what I am, George?

George: yes, Kari. I know what you are. But do you?

Kari: well, I feel, like I’m one of those kids on Sesame Street sometimes, looking up at and intently listening to Jesse Jackson, wondering how to get from small to big, and from where I am, to the success that he reps, you know? The importance of being admired by many. Having a big platform to play on. A huge soapbox to stand on, you know?

George: yes. I get it, Kari, I really do. And we’ve all been there. But everyone’s story about themselves, is different. How we all got to where we are, was our own personal trajectory that we designed with our beliefs. And our thoughts. There’s no set pattern or manual to follow. The only energy you must follow, is your passion and your joy, aka the love. That’s it. So, if you want to be, and decide to be, you ARE Hollywood,. Because Hollywood isn’t a specific person or group of people, it’s a place, and an energy. Hollywood is what you make it to be with how you view it. You don’t have to “be” Hollywood to be in Hollywood...

Kari: you said I wasn’t allowed in Hollywood..

George: you may not be. All I’m saying, is that you are whatever you decide you are. The end.

Kari: well, am I or not? Cause I don’t want to go and be turned away. Besides, I love visiting olvera st.

George: Its a fine street, it is. Great margaritas... listen Kari, you cannot achieve anything in this life that you don’t truly believe is in the realm of your possibility. So yes! You can be, and pretty much are are Hollywood keillor, even if it’s in the Midwest in your own home.. You are creative, and love the arts, and are nutsy, and ballsy, and you may hold the title as being the first person to ever separate the two, and bring them back together in a scote sack, ok? So keep writing, and be yourself.

Kari: I dunno. But what I do know is this: I did it again...

George: did what?

Kari: reactivated all the shit memories and feelings from the past that I’ve felt about my career, allowing myself to relive all those fun feels of inadequacy and upset alllll over again.

George: aww, it’s happened to the best of us. Listen Kari, you are, in my humble not so humble opinion, since I’m still you, a loving person. So you reflect that way; with humor, and yes, absurdist, surreal comedy.

Kari: well, I’ll try.

George: You already do. Your credentials are superfluous. Your love and support of you no matter what you do moving forward is what you’ll feel when you choose to, and it’s available anytime you want to feel it. And when you feel that, it really doesn’t matter what you do.

Kari: ok, well, thanks George. It’s nice to know I have you around.

George: Kari, you were once told that you are golden, no?

Kari: well, I was told that I’ll be golden at some point moving forward doing whatever it is I choose to do.

George: right. So, when are you going to decide to experience that?

Kari: hopefully soon.

George: Kari, why do you chop to talk to and write about us “passed over folk”?

Kari: I dunno. I guess it’s cause I love and miss you guys in theory, even though I didn’t know you personally. And I like to re-experience your energy, as I appreciated and admired it. It helps me feel better.

George: you’re now golden.

Scene.

Appendices: if you choose to perform this scene, good luck. I’d like you to do it all in one breath, if you are a more advanced, and professional actor. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣💕💕💕💕

[ashleybenlove]

Title: Tabloids

Prompt: imagine person a of your polyship is a celebrity, and the paparazzi’s caught pics of them with their different partners

a lot of tabloids write articles about how a is cheating with multiple individuals until a comes forward on their own to clarify that they’re polyamorous, and all their partners know about (and are dating) each other, too

Fandom: How To Train Your Dragon

Pairing: Hiccup/Astrid/Fishlegs/Snotlout/Ruffnut/Tuffnut (polyamorous gang)

Word Count: 1366

Rating: Teen

Warnings: Slurs, commentary on the media/paparazzi

Disclaimer: I don’t own the source material in this fanfic. That’s to whatever company or person owns it. I would never claim to own it.

Notes: There are probable influences from fandom and whatnot in this story. This was written for @polyshipprompts’ polyship week. I used the following prompt which is reprinted above. This story is a modern AU and it is loosely based off of my experiences of playing The Sims 4 with the Dragon Riders. My tag for that is ashleybenlove Sims the Dragon Riders. This is also on AO3.

And it is under the read more.

     Astrid growled. Just going to the supermarket to buy groceries meant she was confronted with the tabloid fodder that was currently proclaiming how she was cheating on one of her partners with four other people. Right there, as she was trying to check out. What trash! Not wanting to take it out on the retail clerk who had nothing to do with the tabloid’s contents, Astrid took a deep breath before she completed her transaction.

 It bothered her immensely to see those telephoto shots of her on a date with one of her partners, or kissing them, and then seeing a headline that said, “Trouble in Paradise?” or “Astrid Cheats Repeatedly!!!” or “Astrid Has Multiple Affairs!” or some other version of a clickbait title except with magazines.

 Maybe she should have Fishlegs shop for groceries. He was fantastic at this sort of thing.

 She could have stayed at home, cuddling with some of them. It was much preferable than being confronted by incredibly judgmental and highly inaccurate nonsense.

 At least all her partners knew it was garbage.  

 They knew the truth, and ultimately, that was most important.

 But… ugh, she didn’t want to be seen as a cheater, because it was categorically wrong.

 Plus, as a celebrity, she had to maintain a certain reputation, and unfortunately, she was beholden to public opinion in the way that only famous people are. And given that she used multiple social media accounts, she had to deal with that as well.

 She was currently ignoring her social media accounts.

      “How was grocery shopping?” Fishlegs asked, later, as everyone worked to get their groceries put away.

 “Fine. It would have been great except for tabloids!” Astrid exclaimed. “You were right, you should have gone instead.”

 “I don’t take pleasure in being right about that,” Fishlegs said.

 She probably would have kissed him or he probably would have kissed her if they didn’t have bags full of groceries in their arms.

 “You didn’t run into any paparazzi?” Hiccup asked, putting away various canned food items.

 “I’d be happy to punch some for you,” Snotlout said, sticking various frozen meat items in the freezer.

 “Same!” Ruffnut exclaimed. “I’m always willing to fight paparazzi.”

 “Yes, I certainly saw some inside and outside the store, but I don’t think it’d be good publicity if my partners fought the paparazzi,” Astrid said. She released a sigh.

 “We could always flip the bird on our dates,” Ruffnut said.

 “Flipping the bird!” Tuffnut exclaimed.

 “Or yell at Internet commenters,” Snotlout said.

 “Oh, let me guess, the Internet’s talking about my love life too?” Astrid said. She growled. She did not want to deal with that. Far too overwhelming. The Internet could be overwhelming for anyone, but for a famous person? Even more so.

 Once the groceries were put away, Astrid sat on their lovely large couch, and was surrounded by her partners.

 Astrid sighed happily, snuggling close to them. She felt calm and safe and her worries drifted away.

 This was short-lived.

      Whoops.

 Checking her email was not fun. Ugh.

 She didn’t want to deal with this.

 She was tired of the assumption of cheating.

 And the way people treated women who they assumed were cheating really made her furious.

 She yelled at her computer.

 She wanted to take her computer mouse and throw it at the wall, letting it shatter—

 “Astrid, Internet blackout, remember!” Fishlegs shouted from another room.

 “They’re being misogynistic!” she exclaimed. “And they’re wrong!”

 A few moments later, Fishlegs entered the room she was in, and gently moved his hand to indicate to come with him.

 “Let’s go meditate, hmm?” Fishlegs asked in a calming, soothing voice.

 “I don’t want to meditate; I want to yell at people on the Internet!” Astrid exclaimed.

 “That’s not gonna help, you know that?” Fishlegs said softly. “Come on, we’ll all meditate together. It’ll be nice and soothing.”

 And it was.

 And it provided help to her situation because she realized she had a simple solution to it.

 Considering that she lived in a world where celebrities, such as herself, had social media accounts where they could sound off on their topic of choice, usually to promote their work and to interact with fans.

 She could easily just… come out with the actual truth, instead of letting the tabloids say whatever they want. She was allowed to do that. She would talk to her partners about it first, obviously. Just to make sure no one was outed without their consent.

 Thus, while they were relaxing together, she said, “So, I’ve been thinking about this whole… the tabloids and such think I’m a cheating whore situation.”

 There was definite negative reaction to the slur.

 “Yes, I know they’re misogynist jerks,” Astrid said. “Moving on. I think the best course of action would be if I released a statement, written or video, that is me saying: actually, I am a polyamorous person, and those five people? They’re all my partners. It’s all above-board, they all know about each other, and are dating each other as well. The twins are not dating each other, obvi, blah blah blah.”

 She saw Hiccup in particular nod in response, clearly thinking it made sense. Fishlegs looked to be thinking.

 “I won’t do it unless you all agree,” Astrid said.

 “No pressure,” Ruffnut said, in a teasing, joking tone. She paused and then added, “But all joking aside, I agree with you doing that.”

 “Same, actually,” Tuffnut said.

 “Yeah,” Snotlout said. “Do it.”

 “It’s bothering you, I think it might make you feel better, so I think you should do it,” Fishlegs said. He looked over to Hiccup.

 They all did.

 “I have no problems with it. You should do it. And I definitely agree with Fishlegs. It might make you feel better,” Hiccup said.

 “And I think we’re all in agreement that we want you to feel better,” Fishlegs said. He smiled at her.

 They all smiled at her, in that way that made her feel so loved five times over.

       As a result, Astrid took some time to write out a statement. The statement was meant to be a statement that could be used with or without a video complement. Whilst she definitely had some strong opinions about the media and the press (especially paparazzi), she avoided spending much time on addressing them, since their behavior was generally unlikely to change. She already had a good idea of the media’s response.

 “Astrid Hofferson Breaks Silence!”

 They did that a lot. Especially in the wake of celebrity deaths and responses of celebrities to that death.

 Once she had prepared a statement that she felt was satisfactory she had her partners read it so they could give her any feedback they might have had.

 And once she was fully satisfied with that statement, she set it aside and put it where she could reference it while she made a video.

 “A lot has been written recently about my romantic life. Which, despite the fact that I am a very famous person, I still have a right to privacy. But I still would like to clarify some things, as what has been written is wrong. So, those five people I’ve been seen kissing in paparazzi photos? Those are all my romantic partners. My name is Astrid Hofferson and I am polyamorous. These five people all know about each other, and with the exception of the set of twins I am dating, also date each other. So that’s about the sum of that.”

 Included in her statement was a brief description of polyamory from the Internet, complete with a source so that people who didn’t really understand it could do research on their own. In addition to that, she had hired a professional photographer to take some great photographs of her and her partners, together, smiling and happy. The main purpose of the photo session was to share pictures of her partners and herself on her social media platforms but the gang was incredibly happy and excited with the work the photographer did, that they made sure to get framed versions of the photos to hang in their home and digital versions to keep in their phones.

[probably-voldemort]

Happy BFSN! I am actually caught up on the 100 now! That’s new!

First pic is of my super cool Supergirl leggings at the weenie roast we had this weekend. The long weekend was a fun time full of yard work and hanging out with little kids.

Second pic is from work today when I was super done with my day and decided to just lay in the truck full of branches for a little while.

Speaking of work, I’ve had kind of a shitty day, but first the high points of today:

There were donuts in the break room this morning.

My impromptu bed of branches was super comfy and I would’ve laid there for longer if I could’ve.

I had cake in my lunch and it was real good.

And now for the non-high points:

I didn’t get my usual crew today and instead got a girl who’s really slow and a dude who’s a misogynistic asshole who won’t listen to anything I say despite me being in charge of my crew because I’m a girl

Said asshole decided to not listen when I was telling him which parts of the trees to prune and cut an entire tree down that the clients just wanted trimmed. Had to deal with that fiasco

(Yelling at this dude about it and then listening to our supervisor freak at him about needing to listen to the site leader (aka me) and then take him to a different site were defs on the highlights list though)

When my shitty work truck decided it was time for the engine to catch on fire while driving back to the yard. Defs had a bit of a cry on the side of the road while waiting for the firefighters and my supervisor to show up. Defs also called the supervisor and was like “the fucking truck is on fucking fire” and then hung up and then had to answer the phone when he called back because like he needed more info than that like, for example, where we were so he could come pick us up

(Highlights from that include no longer having to drive this shitty truck and getting to leave an hour early while still getting paid because of said truck fire and me being a mess)

So it’s been a day. Now, though, it’s been a few hours and I’ve had a shower and now the whole thing is just funny. I laughed the whole time I told my dad about the fire and he was like ??? Kee this isn’t funny??? Still frustrated at the dude, though. Oh did I mention he then asked me out before the whole truck fire thing? Because he did. Because somehow that whole situation made him think I wanted to date him or something????

Anyway. I have showered and am in pyjamas and have had more cake and some spaghetti and I’m good now. Gonna watch some Jane the Virgin and write and it’s gonna be a good night.

Speaking of writing, still no update for Darling. I thought I’d have time to write this weekend but that didn’t pan out. I’ve only got like two and a half scenes left to write though so I’m hoping to get it up really soon.

Probs won’t watch the new episode tonight. My brother and sister are not caught up so they won’t want to watch live but like that’s okay. I’ll watch it in the next couple days.

Ooo! Another highlight is that I got new running shoes this weekend. They’re teal and subtly sparkly and real cool.

Tagging/Tagged: @thelittlefanpire @pawprinterfanfic @talistheintrovert @eyessharpweaponshot @clarkesbells99 @little-oxford-st @kindclaws @prophecy-gurl @johnmurphysass (let me know if anyone else wants to be tagged and if you tag me I’ll tag you back)

[femmedplume]

Bastille @ the Wiltern (aka How Dan Smith Kissed Me)

Okay friends, strap in, this is gonna be a ride -- partially because I’s super excited, and partially because this is my ONE CHANCE to get revenge for the millions of SPN Con breakdowns I’ve had to read over the years, lol. ((BUT, because I am a nice nice Stitch, I shall put a read more break and you can scroll to the bottom if all you want to read is the kiss part lol.))

To start off, dis me and mah buddy Mikey ( @gnaist​) 

We have known each other since fucking JUNIOR HIGH, and (as I told him last night,) there are v v few people I enjoy enough to tolerate them for over twenty years, let alone still actively want to see them. Dis guy? He dat guy. :) And he also puts up with me with minimal complaining. 

Mikey and I share a birthday week, and we usually do something together (just us) during September to celebrate. This year, he was sweet enough to agree that our Birthday Shenanigans™ should take place at the ONE gig Bastille’s playing in LA -- not because he's a fan, but because I am. #FriendshipGoals

So first, I got all dolled up, with fancy pink and purple hair and Bastille-themed nails:

(That’s 00:15 for their song Quarter Past Midnight, a ∆ , and a letter for each member of the band: Charlie (guitar), Woody (drums), Will (bass), Kyle (keyboards), and Dan (lead singer))

Then, I drove to Mikey’s and gave him his half of our newest tradition: Birthday Socks!! One for me and one for him. 

We had dinner at this awesome patisserie close to Mikey’s awesome new place (shoutout to him for Adulting and buying his first condo!) We also got cake because Birthday Shenanigans™.

The food was super tasty, and the cakes were CHOCOLATE AF (don’t talk to me about my allergies, okay? Is mah BIRTHDAY)

We were running late, so we actually ate in the Lyft (the driver was nice enough to let us, and we were careful not to spill.) We got to the Wiltern at 7pm, JUST as they started letting people in.

Once we got in, we got overpriced (but very tasty) drinkies (Birthday Shenanigans™)

And then Mikey informed me that if we were going to a concert, we were getting merch. (Mikey is v v wise and a literal doctor, so I 100% believe anything he tells me.) We got shirts!

He got a cute Quarter Past Midnight shirt (that was also unusually soft and high quality,) and I got the tie-dye one that’s based off Dan Smith’s actual shirt. I’mma cut up the collar like I do with all my shirts because I hate t-shirt collars.

Then we went inside the actual theatre, which is an Art Deco beauty. They’d taken out all the seats, but the orchestra section has many shallow levels/risers, and people could basically choose which section they wanted to stand in. There was a bar INSIDE the theatre. The lighting was too low for good pics, but you can sorta see in this:

The very front pit and center section were filled with people who hadn’t sauntered in four hours late with chocolate mousse cake -- but there was space off to the right where we could stand and only two people were in front of us. YAY!

Then we waited. And waited. AND WAITED LIKE WTF PEOPLE?? I figure the Wiltern wants to give people time to buy drinks and stuff, but two HOURS???

Finally, about 9pm, the support act came on: a female singer named Fletcher? Anyone heard of her? Anyway, she was really good, had a gorgeous voice -- although we couldn’t understand what she was singing, but that was more because of the mic set up. 

(Das her. V petite and blonde and has a looooot of songs about breakups, lol.)

Once Fletcher finished her set, there was another break while the road crew set up Bastille’s equipment. It was sort of fun to watch, because they’re all English blokes so they’re chatting away in cute accents while they’re doing the setup.

And then, FINALLY, Bastille came on stage. 

And it. 

Was.

WORTH IT.

They went hard from the moment they stepped on stage, and kept the energy up the entire time. 

I cannot fully express to you how electric they are live -- but let’s just say that all the good pictures are Mikey’s because  a) he is the bestest of friends and played cameraman for the evening -- but also b) I was too busy jumping around with Dan to get any actual images of Dan jumping around

He even raced up to the balcony during Flaws, WHILE SINGING and dancing. (I was a bit disappointed he didn’t come by where we were standing, but I was also happy for the balcony peoples because you don’t normally get to interact much in the balcony. Also: ART DECO!!!)

Dan Smith’s voice was PEAK HONEY, and he did all the songs I hoped he would: The Draw, Blame, Quarter Past Midnight...hell, I’ll just show you the set-list, which I got to see after the show:

(The girl holding it was the one who got to keep it -- she was super sweet and a HUGE fan who’d been to tons of concerts but had never gotten a hold of a set-list, so we were all happy she finally got one! :D) 

SIDENOTE: 

During the show, there was this moment in the song Bad Blood where Dan came over to the side of the stage where we were standing. Now, the camera lens makes it seem like we were farther away than we were, like this:

When in reality we could see more like this:

So the band could see our faces, too. So during Bad Blood, Dan’s singing, and I’m singing along with him (like a goober) and I raised my hand like you do when you’re feeling a song...

and he RAISED HIS HAND BACK AND SANG TO ME!

For like, two seconds, but still. It was a MOMENT.

After that, I was floating on Cloud 9 -- so when the concert ended, I was ready to call it a perfect night. But when we went out (the back exit, as it was closer,) Mikey mentioned that because the line had stretched around the far corner of the Wiltern, we’d never gotten a chance to get a pic of the actual marquis. 

So we paused, and I looked back at the theater alley and thought -- huh, I wonder if they might...come out afterwards? Mebbe sign a few things? I has this nice shirt I spent too much money on...mebbe they sign my nice shirt, eh?

So Mikey went to get his pic of the marquis, which came out FABULOUSLY:

And then we settled in to wait at the end of the alley where we thought they might come out. Turns out, we were at the wrong end. So after like, 30 mins of waiting on one end, we (there were like, 20 of us) meandered over to the OTHER end of the alley, where the band’s cars were waiting and the crew was loading out the equipment. 

BTW, the Bastille crew? Super sweet, English and American, and those boys fucking HUSTLED. They were rolling 300-400lb equipment into this semi, basically doing the world’s largest game of Tetris, trying to fit everything in. We was all v v impressed. 

They also brought us water?? Because we’d been waiting for an hour and a half at this point and they felt bad, like...?? AND THEN, they gave us the balloons from the set!!

And all the fans were really nice, and started taking the bunches of balloons apart so that everyone who wanted a balloon could have one (I got a green one, mah favorite color!)

So we’re waiting. And waiting. And WAITING GODDAMN DON’T THEY HAVE CLOCKS IN ENGLAND??

The crew finishes loading, the semi backs out, still we wait. Their manager finally comes out and says that yes they’re coming out, but probably only going to take a couple of group shots with all of us/not sign anything or chat. Why? Because the boys are exhausted. He tells us they’ve flown from England to Sacramento to Vegas to LA in 3 days and played 4 shows, soo... understandable situation. 

EXCEPT for this one fan, who started whining at the manager. “I didn’t wait ALL THIS TIME for some fucking group shot, I want a SELFIE!” “I need Dan to take a pic of me with my SIGN!!” (She kept harping about her sign... is no even a good sign?) 

Then, when it looked for a second like maybe the boys weren’t coming out at all, she snaps “You PROMISED they were coming!!” >:( The tone of this person’s voice, man -- you know the one? Like she’s Sharon at the Walmart and they were out of stock of Pantene Pro-V or some shit and they OWED HER some gotdamn PANTENE and where is the manager?? Ugh.

Anywho, the boys come out. (Except Will. He might have already fallen asleep, IDK lol.) But there was a Dan and a Kyle and a Woody, and they all not ONLY took some group shots, but DID give hugs and stuffs. 

(Dan giving hugs. Woody, who was totally smiley and friendly and not a miserable git like this pic makes him look...right after this moment he ran over and gave the girl next to me a hug. Kyle was off to my right, giving many hugs and taking many pictures.)

(Dan in a taco hat a fan had given him. Woody heading back after giving many hugs.)

(Dan apologizing profusely because someone gave him a shirt for a present and he hadn’t realized that there was an image of a nekkid lady in the art collage on the front, and we were all ladies and he didn’t want us to feel uncomfortable or think he was a misogynist so he covered it up oh god he’s such a cinnamon roll I cannot!)

And now, the moment you’ve been waiting for: THE KISS.

So, during the interminable waiting, (literally, TWO HOURS PLUS, you guys!) several of us started chatting -- during the chat, it came up that I has made a Bastille art. I showed the ladies this pic:

because we were all talking about Dan shaving his head and I was trying to convince them it was actually kinda hot, lol. 

They really liked the art!! :D So much so that they convinced me (after many prods and encouragements) to show the art to Dan. And I was gonna do it, honest! I was super brave and not at all terrified.

But then came the whole they’re too tired thing and I was like, eh, mebbe no? 

And THEN, Superbitch Fan was standing right next to me DEMANDING that Dan take a selfie with her and her sign. (Which he did, like a sweetheart.) Then when he went to turn to me, Superbitch decided she didn’t like the first pic, and PUSHED IN FRONT OF ME AND PAST THE SECURITY BARRIER to demand he take another one.

Which he did, like a sweetheart -- but then turned past me, probably so she couldn’t grab him again. So I figured, lost cause, right?

Wrong. As he turned back, I was holding the phone out, but not quite up, kind of undecided -- and it caught his eye. 

Daniel Campbell Smith GASPED, CLUTCHED HIS HEART

and said “Wow.” Looked at the pic, then back to me, said, “Did you...”

And I held it up and said “Um, yes, I made you...an art?” (Because you know, what are words and why would I, a writer, know how to use them?)

And he just gaped, like HE had no words -- and then leaned in and KISSED ME ON THE CHEEK.

And not a peck, either?? Like a firm, full on “you are amazing and so is your art thing thank you so much” kiss for several seconds??

AND MIKEY GOT THE PIC!

TL;DR:

It may be blurry, but there it is! Immortalized for all time, the moment Daniel Cinnamon Roll Smith liked my artwork SO MUCH he had to kiss me to say thank you. 

And then, dear friends, I died. 

I have, in fact, been writing this diary from my condo on the edge of the Lake of Fire in Hades. Because I’m dead. 

BEST. NIGHT. EVER!!**

((Bonus: Mikey is now a Bastille fan! He really liked the concert, and is going to make his own playlist based on the concert’s set list. I’m so freaking happy we got to share that!! :DDDD)) 

((Super-bonus: Look in the right-hand corner of the kiss pic. See that woman looking like she’s having her night ruined? THAT was Superbitch. HA!))

**All credit to @gnaist for taking pictures of the entire night, even when I didn’t know he was shooting lol. 

[whippedkoalas]

5 + noorhelm ❤

Thank you :) I hope you will enjoy this. 

5: “Wait a minute. Are you jealous?”

« Can we meet directly there? Alex and Charlie want us to go have a beer before we head out. Is it okay with u?  »

Not really, actually. Noora couldn’t say that to William, though. She is really happy to know that he met new people in law school, which started only a few weeks ago. She would love to meet him at the apartment and spend a few hours just the two of them before going to that party, but it’s good if he has other plans. She can find that nightclub alone.

« Yeah, just text me again the address I’ll meet you there. Have fun, love you  »

She didn’t know that people in law school partied that much. William is invited to parties almost every day of the week. He had always declined the invitation until now. William asked her a few days ago if she would go with him and she knew that it meant that he wanted to go. So she said, « sure, of course. ». She tells him over and over again that he can go out, with or without her but he always answers that he is fine without going to actual parties. Apparently, he prefers their date nights and occasional get-together with Chris and the boys. (To be honest, she doesn’t mind.)

Ready to go and waiting for William to text her, she browses Instagram. Not knowing exactly what to look for, she checks William’s profile. (He never really uses Instagram, but she loves to see those old pictures he uploaded, for some reason.) She notices something a bit odd. Someone commented on almost every picture of William alone or with friends.

@VergaA: great pic!@VergaA: young William, wow  @VergaA: you were such a cliché it’s so funny@VergaA: wowow W !@VergaA: Go to class instead of taking pics of you young boy @VergaA: Can’t stop laughing

She checks every picture. That person commented on every single one, apart from the few Noora is on. She suddenly feels… angry. She’s the only one that can call William a cliché. Seriously. She can’t go on with her investigation because she receives William’s text, telling her she can leave the house because he and his friends are on their way. She smiles when she reads the « love you more » and the heart. On her way, she decides to check that person’s profile. Oh. It’s girl. A tall, blonde, beautiful, girl. She stops walking to have a better look at the pictures on the profile. Thin, blonde, stunning body. Great, exactly William’s type. « That girl is such a cliché, taking pictures to show she has boobs, » she thinks and then stops herself. She doesn’t know that girl, maybe she’s really great. She knows judging people based on an Instagram profile is not something to be proud of, so she pockets her phone, shaking her head. She comforts herself: William never answered back. She starts walking again and tries to chase the misogynistic thoughts about that girl away, she’s better than that.

When she enters the nightclub, only a few minutes after, she quickly finds her boyfriend. He’s at the bar, smiling to a girl that is whispering something in his ear. That girl is the Instagram girl who thinks she is allowed to call Noora’s boyfriend a cliché. She takes a good breath and tries to relax. She plasters a fake smile on her lips and approaches William. She notices the huge smile on his lips when he sees her. He says « hello » before kissing her and then looks at the girl. « Alex, this is Noora, my girlfriend. Noora, this is Alex, my study partner » Alex laughs. Her laugh is annoying, but what annoys the most Noora is actually the fact that William never said Alex, as in Charlie and Alex, was a fucking fit woman. She had no idea and never even thought about it. (When she met him, he didn’t have any girl friends)  

At that party, she learned three things. A) Everything Alex does is irritating. B) Thank god, Charlie is a boy. C) Alex is kind of flirting with William, she’s pretty sure. It’s subtle but… she is flirting.

(When she texts the girls, Chris, answers her that she is just jealous. She’s definitely not. Chris writes her « yes, you are. It’s the first time your boy actually gives attention to another woman, it’s okay. Wikipedia defines romantic jealousy as « a complex of thoughts, feelings, and actions that follow threats to self-esteem and/or threats to the existence or quality of the relationship when those threats are generated by the perception of a real or potential romantic attraction between one’s partner and a (perhaps imaginary) rival. » which exactly fits what you told us. You’re jealous but you do not need to be, William is head over heels in love with you, I’m not even sure he noticed she’s a girl. ».)

She is not jealous. It would be ridiculous.

After a while, William takes her by the hand and pulls her along with him to the terrace. « Noora, what’s wrong ? » he tells her, taking her face in his hands.« Nothing. » she fakes a huge smile. « Noora. » he says with a firmer voice. « Why didn’t you tell me Alex is a girl ? » she says quietly, without looking at him. It’s embarrassing. William pauses for a few seconds, looking at her with his eyebrows furrowed. « Wait a minute. » He says. « Are you jealous ?»« No. » she answers. « You just never told me Alex is a girl. »William grins. « I didn’t tell you Charlie is a boy either ». He chuckles and slides his hands on her waist.He has a point. She sighs. Not knowing what she could answer she settles with « Charlie is not flirting with you, Alex is. ». She drags her fingers on his arms.« You’re jealous, » he says. « Oh my god, you’re actually jealous »« Maybe a little bit » she admits.« it’s the cutest thing ever. I love you. » he kisses her, still grinning. « Okay, Noora. First, did you see me flirting back? »She shakes her head. « Do you think I would? »  « no. »« great. I would never. » he kisses her again, pulling her closer. « It’s the first time you get jealous, why? »« because you will spend a lot of time with her, because she’s beautiful, because you used to fuck girls like her, because you’re… starting a new chapter of your life and she’s part of it when I’m not »  William opens his eyes wide. « You’re the greatest part of my life, what are you on about? »« yeah but she is in law school, I’m still in school. You’re out there meeting extraordinary people with whom you share a lot of things and you’re dating a high school student. You have a lot of things in common, you’re both in law school, the logical thing would be you dating and not us. »  William did not see that coming. « The logical thing is us being together. I told you and you told me, we have to be together. I’m sorry if I let you think someone could change that because she’s also attending law school. »« not, it’s not like that, it’s… »« no, no I got what you said. I should have told you Alex was a girl, » he says, kissing her temple. « I love you. You’re all I need, I hope you know that.  »  She nods.Before he continues, Alex interrupts him. « Oh, William, Charlie and I are going to dance, come with us! It will be fun. »William shakes his head. « No, we’re gonna go home. See you soon » Alex insists a bit because « it’s still early » but William doesn’t cave and goes home with Noora.

Like every night. That’s what counts, after all.

(A few days later, Noora checks her Instagram, just because. Alex uploaded a picture of her and Sam, her girlfriend. She laughs but still, Alex was flirting with William, so.)

[serenagaywaterford]

Who's the new commander/wife in s3? And yes, please give me s3 spoilers! Also, do you have any thoughts about mayday? How I wish we got to see more of it

OKAY ERRYBODY IN THE CLUB GET TIPSY. SPOILERS AHEAD.

EDIT: added in the Mayday stuff cos I forgot the first time around.

Like the actors? Christopher Meloni and Elizabeth Reaser, and they’re playing the Winslows who host the Waterfords in DC. (Which I’m not sure if you’ve seen all the hubbub about the DC trip but there are loads of pics of them shooting one of those scenes. You’ve probably seen them. Like with the Handmaids’ mouths stapled shut? Fred looking all Evil Supreme Leader-y with Serena and June alongside him.). Meloni is “powerful and magnetic” and Reaser is supposedly a “friend and inspiration” to Serena. Whatever the fuck all that means. It could be good, it could be bad. (Personally, I can’t stand either of those actors but meh. Maybe they’ll be okay.) And DC, not Boston, is Gilead central… and so Fred’s not really as important as he thinks. 

Off-topic: To be honest, I find this odd. We see frequently that all the dudes responsible for the rise/creation of Gilead are in Boston and it was formed IN Boston (Putnam, Pryce, Waterford, Cushing?, Lawrence, (Nick), etc.) so how there is a ANOTHER HIGHER level group of SOJ in DC is a little stupid, imo. It doesn’t make sense how that core group (the literal architects of the entire system) are off in Boston while the other guys (who we’ve literally never seen nor heard of before, even in flashbacks–bad storytelling, show) are top dogs in DC. Seems like yet another plot contrivance. Now, fair enough, that I think it’s sort of funny that Fred is still in Boston rather than with the big brass in DC cos he THINKS he’s so much smarter/better/etc than all these other guys but the fact he’s not there just shows that as much as he was one of the Gilead OGs, he’s too incompetent to be trusted at the highest level of government. HA HA FRED. Ya moron. I get that there’s never a guarantee that the evil people that come up with a totalitarian society are in charge of said society when it comes to fruition, but it’s a general trend throughout history. The fact all these guys would give up top billing of the SOJ to some punks from DC seems… a bit off. But then, hey, maybe said punks were the other part of the SOJ that Fred was talking about to Serena when he suggested bombing congress.

As for a few more, June flips out at one point, turning on other Handmaids (Brianna is holding her back.) It’s against a Handmaid who is a “true believer” in Gilead. I’m going to take an educated guess (based on where they’re filming) this is the lead up to the mass hanging. I guess I should mention: the Handmaids are gonna have to hang a bunch of people. Like a salvaging, but with hanging instead of stoning or beating.

June gets dressed up like a Martha.

June apparently works with Lawrence. It’s assumed she’ll be his Handmaid although the production, especially the DC scene, seem to imply she’s back with the Waterfords.

Serena’s mother shows up.

Luke & Moira are fighting against Gileadean ideology in Canada. Cos obviously it would come up here too. I always thought it was too happy-happy that Canada wasn’t experiencing ANY fallout from a worldwide birthrate crisis. Like, we may be more liberal than the US, but what happens there, spreads here fairly quickly. Like we have some Trumpian/Tea Party-esque politicians and racist/homophobic/xenophobic/misogynistic activist groups too, with a lot of power. And a lot of ignorant regular people to boot. The fact Canada was portrayed as like this utopia free from Gilead’s evilness just seemed unrealistic to me. While I do believe it would take a bit longer to take root here, the building blocks are already here and ripe for the pickin’. 

(I also have a huge issue with how unrealistically and healthy they portrayed the economy in Canada without their main US trading partner. We’d collapse if the US economy collapsed, at least for a time until we figured a way around it. Oil alone would go crazy. It wouldn’t be all life as normal. What Serena saw in 2x09 was literally what I see everyday here and I find it super hard to swallow that our lives would just go on as if nothing happened if the USA fell into massive civil war and was overthrown by a theocratic “republic”. 

And I also have a HUGE issue with how rosy they portrayed refugee and asylum seeking here. It’s just as bad as elsewhere, with all the same struggles that European countries (for example) are facing right now. Like if Gilead was an actual thing, Canada would be having a fucking mASSIVE humanitarian crisis along the border. We had a taste of it when Trump was elected and loads of people fled across the border. We could barely handle THAT, let alone hundreds of thousands of Americans swarming in to safety.) So, yeah, that’s a really long way of saying THANK FUCK the show is going to start to deal with some of the reality of the situation north of the border. They already showed Mexico breaking down and there’s no reason Canada wouldn’t too if the birthrate crisis is indeed as catastrophic as it’s presented by Serena/Fred/Gilead.

Emily makes it to Canada with Nichole. It’s all happy families. At least from the set photos the whole gang is there: Luke, Moira, Emily, Sylvia, Nichole. Not sure about Oliver or Erin. Now, the photo was likely taken when they weren’t filming which is why they’re all so fucking smiley and happy laughing together. That’s probably just the actors. But it could be shooting. I didn’t actually save the photos and I’m not sure where they are now. I think reddit?

Aunt Lydia is alive and will get some backstory and her character is gonna change. Somehow, somewhat, unclear how much. All cos of what Emily did to her.

Lots of stuff about Nichole, the whole Gilead vs. Canada thing, etc etc. 

____

I totally forgot to add about Mayday!

Personally… and first off: I much prefer the name “Mayday” to that weirdass co-opted “female railroad” or whatever shit they called it in the show when Moira was getting out. That was just in poor taste and completely uncreative. You don’t have to call it a railroad at all, tbh. It could be an extension of Mayday, or it could be called something entirely different. Sometimes the THT writers really drop the ball.

As for Mayday… I am not even convinced it exists as such? When I was reading the book, I liked the theory that Emily was sort of … not crazy, but misinformed or exaggerating. The only we really hear about Mayday in the book is through her and there’s no real evidence it exists as a cohesive organization. 

In the show, it’s like we’ve been fed this Mayday idea… but again, not seen anything particularly solid in terms of evidence it exists as a large organized resistance effort. 

We see Emily talk about it but she never seems to get anything from it and everything she does is through her own agency. Mayday never helps her.

We see June ask Alma about it. But Alma doesn’t really say much.

We see Nick, kind of doing his own thing and organizing shit for June, specifically. (We never see him do anything for any other woman except the one he’s banging. Snerk.) 

We see Lillie somehow get a complex explosive and blow shit up. Obviously that came from somewhere and it’s not the sort of thing a Handmaid can just make herself. There has to be a “terrorist cell” (as Gilead would consider it) within Gilead that siphons off weapons to a small rebel faction and passed it to her.

We know there’s a war still going on because Fred talks about the front so there are obviously large pockets that are actively and violently resisting Gilead within the continental US. IIRC the map they showed, the fighting tends to be along international borders and in the west and Florida? I can’t really remember the map exactly. There’s no real evidence that these people at war are also running an underground resistance network within Gilead strongholds like Boston. But other than sympathetic Guardians, Eyes, Angels, they could be the ones supplying weapons.

We see the butcher hand June the package from Moira. Somehow there is a network that passed this along.

We see the Guardian give June the way out of the hospital to the butcher’s truck. This could be Nick’s doing alone, not a network.

We see the butcher/delivery dude who brings June to the Globe. Again, this could solely be Nick as well, but we don’t know.

We see there’s Omar, who seems more like someone who accidentally fell into it rather than an active participant. We also learn that “Mayday” has supposedly safe houses within Gilead, but we never see them.

We see the pilot who helps people escape to Canada.

We hear of “Rachel” often, especially wrt Jezebels. I don’t think we ever see Rachel however. It could be code, it could be a person, it could be a group of people. Considering the gravity of the name Rachel in Gilead, I would put my money on this being a code name cos the writers don’t just throw little things like that around. Especially since Moira, who lived and worked at Jezebels, claims she doesn’t know a “Rachel”. Sure, she could just be protecting June or she could actually be telling the truth. I find it really interesting that the consulate worker in Toronto is called Rachel as well. While I don’t think the two are connected, I’m just surprised at all the references to Rachels in THT, esp with the story of Rachel & Leah (+ Bilhah, Zilpah, etc.) being such a massive cornerstone to the entire society.

We see the Marthas have a very complex network that is referenced multiple times and is known to Commanders, and they’ve done very little to address it for some reason.

We see Serena get both cigarettes and a pregnancy test, both of which are illegal technically although nobody seems to take issue with Serena’s smoking. I would assume this is unrelated to Mayday and more akin to Jezebels (and its sex trafficking) as the illegal underbelly of Gilead that everyone knows exists and everyone uses but nobody talks about. The black market likely has no connection. But it’s still something that requires a large chain of procurement and distribution, and secret knowledge of how to access it.

I’ve probably missed some other examples…

None of this really speaks to a larger web, imo. I can easily see these as individual cells, sometimes connected, rather than ruled by some grand master command somewhere nonspecific and so far unseen. Resistance usually doesn’t begin with a cohesive structure but small cells that see a need to rebel or at least protect/assist victims. It’s also MUCH safer that way and harder to dismantle the entire thing if cells are independent. (I used to be fascinated with the so-called “eco-terrorist” culture.) 

And I would say Mayday, if it exists, relies on Econopeople, specifically Economen and Guardians who have “normal” jobs and freedom of movement within Gilead. But we’ve been shown SO VERY LITTLE about the lives of Econopeople (the majority). I mean, it makes sense since this is the Handmaid’s Tale, not the Economan’s Tale… still, it’s very abrupt to build a giant resistance network suddenly and not have shown anything of real substance about it in 2 seasons.

Other than Lawrence, there’s no indication that any other Commanders or Wives are involved in any resistance but I think we’re supposed to believe some are. So it’ll be curious what side these new characters fall on, whether Mrs. Winslow is an “inspiration” in terms of resistance or compliance. I think we all assume she’ll be on the side of resistance and inspire Serena to take that path (although I think June and Nichole and her own awful husband should be inspo enough lol). I’m not so sure since this is THT and I am absolutely terrible at predicting anything, lol. I can see THT going the opposite direction just as easily. I hope not, but hey.

I think for simplicity within a TV show, they’ll flatten it to a single resistance organisation. 

Quite frankly, I wish we had already seen more of Mayday, if it exists. I feel a bit annoyed that it’s been 23 episodes and other than a few hints, we’ve never seen a significant exploration of any of it. Like how on earth June is supposed to just be a Martha…? I just… I don’t know. Who knows.

Since we know this season is going to be all about Team Resistance, obviously they’ll go into more detail. I just wish we had seen more ahead of time. Although to be perfectly frank, I also really enjoyed the “Emily is sorta crazy and Mayday doesn’t quite exist” theory too.

[its-moopoint]

Mirror mirror on the wall, what does this reflect on them all??

Mixed feelings all around, almost as many as people/bloggers here. Funny how we all react differently to the same stimulus/incitement or in this case what feels like bait/taunt. I see disappointment, frustration, anger, lost of respect, sadness, confusion, exhaustion... I see fans giving up on everything Outlander, others trying to explain this new act, some blaming S&C, some giving them an escape... and the crazy thing is I relate to them all and it all. Stating that from the very beginning none of us knew what the whole truth was, a thousand different scenarios and theories could be made up with all what we were seeing/reading/hearing and what we were being given (note the difference between them both please). Now, my problem here resides in the fact that such a mess has been made of things that no matter which one of those scenarios turns out to be the real one it won’t come out completely clean from shit and nonsense. It’s all tainted one way or another. I’ll explain myself. Bear (no pun intended) with me, let’s assume narrative #1 is the real deal and Sam was single, fell for Skipper and they have been together for a year (is it?) now plus Cait had been with that T guy all along. There are some questions to which the answers are NOT PRETTY: - is that really MM&S’ relationship’s true timing, so close to her having another boyfriend? (stinks, I’m never one to break up another couple) - why has Skipper/Sam/someone close to them been leaking info and pics about their “private” lives from the very beginning? (stinks even more) - why let your misogynist bully blue-checked of a “friend” make statements about your love life that you aren’t able/willing to make yourself? what is more, why in the middle of that twitter war and harassment you choose to acknowledge and like and interact with shipper tweets (as easy as it would’ve been to ignore them in the ocean of tweets and mentions you get every freaking minute) (beyond shitty) - why would you forget/avoid to mention your boyfriend of 3 years in the 2 minute speech you have to give on what was your most important award and achievement to date? (sorry honey, you already know I love you, no need to declare it publicly as other hundreds of celebrities have done and still do each time they win something - again pure bullshit) - why if you dislike shippers and agree with the big bully that we are all crazy, you go like his tweet then go hurry and unlike it? If those are your true feelings OWN IT woman, you can’t have your cake and eat it too (yep we are disgusting but I’m wearing my Unusual Lady T-shirt as I type this, may help clean my hands of this shit) - why the rainbow mockery?!?! Yes it now feels like that. - why if your co-star is your BFF he has been dating a girl for a year and you fail to simply acknowledge her in SM till today? The normal thing would have been to give a follow back the moment she follows you (didn’t happen), or later on when she likes stuff you post (hi there Cait, it’s me!), or later when your BFF retweets her...but no, it wasn’t official enough till today (maybe she’s pregnant and they are in the countdown...you know what’s down? A pile of shit, yeah). So yes, you get the gist of it, many more bullshit I’m sure I’m forgetting. Let’s go now with story #2 and that version in which this whole thing has been and still is fuckery to hide the real relationship between Sam&Cait. Okay, they are forced to hide it because of work/industry reasons or/and they want their privacy. Poor them, having to play along and go places they don’t want to go and post and tweet pics they don’t want to, being active part of a farce that results in many of their fans being insulted and bullied, leaving them defenseless and at most saying they ignore (all the while knowing they are in the right). Many people here claim as long as S&C didn’t get directly involved then they couldn’t get blamed by what other people (Shitner, MM, etc) implied so when the “coming out” came it would be clean. Well, after today’s shitshow now this is not possible anymore either. Cait had already wished him a happy birthday, today’s tweet was nonsense. - why today’s picture with 5 people on a kitchen doing nothing, just posing for the camera no cake no birthday celebration to show whatsoever? And on Cait’s feed and by her own hand. Again notice she HAD ALREADY tweeted him happy birthday. - why follow the girl back today? Again it would’ve made the narrative more believable if it had happened at the very beginning. Now we also have the gay scenario #3, in which Sam is in the closet, Cait his BFF willing to cooperate at the beginning but not so much after a while (IFH) enter goldilocks. Well this would be very sad but would make sense from many points of view (why no jealousy from any SO would ever be involved when facing very inappropriate behaviour between costars). Still many games and fuckery being played by al involved and fans paying for them. Now add a hundred more scenarios apart from those mentioned above and in-between (Sam and Cait did date at the beginning but it was too much, Cait wanted out and he was heartbroken from bimbo to bimbo, they have always been just friends albeit very touchy feely ones) I guess what I’m trying to say is in the end it doesn’t matter what truth comes out (if/when it does) if in the process there has been all this nasty business of constant fuckery. I don’t like that so I’m reacting the only way I can and that I feel counts: in numbers. As a fan and merely a number, today I’ve unfollowed both S&C in twitter and instagram. I don’t mean to go away cause I still look forward season 3 but I’m gonna be a lurker, no likes no sharing in their stuff anymore. Of course this is just my POV, coming from my own experiences (funny became a celeb cynical because of Jennifer Aniston, epic let down and since a few weeks ago people here started comparing her and skinny-legs, yes Justin, to Sam and Cait. Fuck my life). Feel free to agree or disagree and share your own opinions if you feel like it and thanks for listening/reading.

[yagospaulo]

Another day partaking in the internet’s favorite pastime: slandering Black women. The latest 0 Kelvin take is also a staple: Why Black women made me, a Black man, date white women. An opinion pieceso cold Mr. Freeze couldn’t hold it without losing a limb to frostbite has popped up frequently on popular sites that post “curated” community pieces for clicks. Full of misogynoir, toxic masculinity, and a level of entitlement that’s over 9000, you’d think wise editors would get hip to these problematic and unsupported think pieces, but like a noxious dog whistle, hatin’ on Black women gets clicks. Now dating on a whole isn’t easy. For anyone. People are complicated and attraction is a random mix of chemistry and compatibility. Plus everyone is looking for something different in a partner and relationship, and those somethings can change at any moment. But I get it. Sometimes acknowledging the complexities of human emotions and relations requires too much brain power. That whole “understanding another person” thing takes a long time — better to make sweeping generalizations about entire races of women rather than see what you might be lacking, because according to everybody, especially relationship geniuses like Steve Harvey, Tyrese, and Rev Run, women are always the reason relationships aren’t working out.

Don’t worry though — this Black woman is here to help you. Here are 7 reasons why you, yes you, sir, aren’t getting the women you want.

1. YOU’RE BORING

First things first: if I ask you to tell me about yourself, what are you going to say? You gonna make be sit through shit I hate? Are we about to spend everyday posted up on your couch/futon/pallet in the basement watching basketball? You gonna make me sit through all 8 million episodes of Naruto even though I said I’m not into anime? Am I about to spend hours watching you play XBox with your one controller? Can you only talk about one thing whether I like it or not? Can you talk to me at all or do we just sit in awkward ass silence heavy as Rock Lee’s training weights? If I’m finna be spending all our time together killing my phone battery and data plan scrolling Twitter and Instagram then I’mma probably gratefully accept the L that is not dating you.

2. YOU’RE UNATTRACTIVE

Real talk, how do you look? I’m not talking about ugly or pretty — those are subjective, and while one person may not find you attractive someone else will. I’m talking about things you can control. Do you look like you care about your appearance? Do your clothes fit? Are you ashy? Do you smell? Is your hair a mess? You can’t roll around with a butter knife lineup and expect women to fall at your feet.

One universal truth about dating is that you won’t meet the person at their realest in those early days. You meet their representative: the best or better version of themselves. So if you sun up on me looking like you couldn’t be bothered to bathe before coming out… it’s gonna be a no from me dawg because you upsetting me and my homegirl.

3. YOU’RE SELF-CENTERED

Quick scenario: You’re on a first date with a woman. You want to talk about the intricacies of a shared Transformers/Fast and Furious universe, but your date hasn’t kept up with either. What do you do? Keep talking about something she doesn’t understand and isn’t interested in, or change the subject and figure out what interests you both share? We meet up for coffee, are you talking about yourself or are you asking about me as well? Name 3 things you learned about the last 2 women you went out with. Are we about to only be doing the things you like? If I know 50-eleven things about you and you only know my eyes are brown because I’m Black then I’mma take a hard pass.

4. YOU’RE TRASH

Are you misogynistic, sexist, classist, homophobic, transphobic, or otherwise bigoted? Are you a pallet gynecologist who believes vaginas get loose with use or that female orgasms are a myth? Do you think women are only lesbians because they know men like it? Do you think women are built to submit to their man while simultaneously building them up like their children? Do you look to any of the aforementioned relationship geniuses for legit advice? Do you have only bad things to say about women who aren’t attracted to you? Do you believe in plots to emasculate the Black man and destroy the Black family? Do you send unsolicited dick pics with shitty lighting? If you answered yes to any of these questions or you retweet those relationship cartoon memes or the words “dress how you want to be addressed” like they’re profound, then I only have one thing to say:

5. YOU SEE A TROPHY, NOT A PERSON

You know women have desires and interests and hopes and wishes and opinions and all that shit you do, right? She’s not just there to always hype you up (even when you’re deadass, headass wrong) or gargle your ballsack. Contrary to what the government majority and internet dudes think, women are people. Like living, breathing, existing humans. Wild, right? If you don’t want someone who is actually going to feel some kinda way about things that isn’t always going to be the way you feel, you don’t want a girlfriend. You want a warm grapefruit with a hole in it. So microwave it for 10 seconds and go to town. I promise it won’t talk back.

6. YOU DON’T LIKE YOURSELF

Be honest: when you look in the mirror, do you like what you see? I don’t mean do you wake up everyday believing 100% that you’re some Adonis, Beyoncé, god’s gift to the Earth, universe, and everything in-between — that’s just unrealistic — but if you had to spend time with just yourself, could you stand the tie alone? Do you spend all your time focused on what someone else is that you aren’t? If that’s a yes, go sit in your prayer closet and be your own hype man. Because if you can’t stand to be around you, why would anyone else?

7. YOU’RE NOT THE ONE

You know how sometimes you see a woman and you’re not attracted to her? Or you like the way a woman looks but once you get to know her y’all just don’t click? Or you meet someone and y’all are great friends but you know it’ll never go beyond that? Well imagine all of that, but imagine it’s a woman feeling those ways about you instead of the other way around. I know it’s hard, but sometimes people — individual people — just don’t like you. Here’s the honest truth, all jokes aside: you could be amazing, wonderful, interesting, intelligent, sweet, and the person you like still may not like you. The shit sucks, but keep it moving. There’s someone out there who will like you just the way you are and you’ll feel the same way about them. No need to drag anyone else into it.

Congratulations on making it through. You’ve taken the first step towards letting yourself be great and keeping Black woman slander out of your mouth. The reward for step one is self-satisfaction. Do better, and you’ll get probably get more.

And as a final word: no one cares about your non-black girlfriend, wife, partner, fiancé, whichever. If she makes you happy, that’s all that matters. I promise you, any Black woman who isn’t trash herself is too busy living her own life to stress over why you’re “dating outside your race.” Seriously. Save yourself the carpal tunnel and think pieces.

By Brittany N. Williams/ BlackNerdProblems*, AFROPUNK contributor

[fierceandunordinarydiva]

“It’s not right But it’s okay I’m gonna make it anyway Close the door behind you Leave your key I’d rather be alone than unhappy” – Whitney Houston One of my favorite things to see, is women celebrating the successes of other women. It’s actually brought me to tears when I have seen it happen in front of me. When my daughter was about 17 or 18, I sat in on a parent watch day at her ballet school. As the girls waited their turns to watch each other fly and twirl across the room, snaps and a few claps rung out when someone did well, but mostly there were standard and even as a courtesy, clearly a  guarded but kind support of each other. It’s a competitive industry, I get that. There was however ONE girl, a lovely, beautiful strong dancer, who seemed to have a secure sense of self as she stood there. And as my daughter flew across the room and nailed a triple pirouette and the courtesy snaps began, this girl bursted with praise, saying her name and acting like a proud big sister and said “That was amazing, you are beautiful, so proud of you!” I was watching and I started to cry. WHY did I cry!? OF COURSE it was because it was sweet, and I was a proud mom, but part of the reason it touched me, was because between women, THIS IS RARE. Apathy to veil competition is more more prevalent on the daily or worse, shaming and bullying. WHY is it so hard for us to celebrate and cherish each other?

The term “Slut-shaming” is broad, but it’s what I want to discuss or attempt to. A large portion of society thinks it is reserved for a specific group of women making certain choices. I actually see the term covering a bigger range of people. Young girls, teens, young women, middle aged women as well as older women. It affects us all. Over the years, I have been a part of and witnessed women shaming other women, across all parts of life and spectrums.  I want to dig into to where it starts, and try to pose some questions that will spark discussions, so each of us can try to figure it out for ourselves.

The Younger Years

I feel as though female shaming for lots of us in the 30 or older generations, started in the home. It was part of the baby boomer generation of our parents. The modest era. It was textbook. Men can express their sexual freedom and physical security, and not be shamed; women cannot for fear of being shamed and called a whore or a slut. Growing up I heard things like,

“You can’t watch that, it’s too risqué” “No makeup until you are older, or you will look like a hooker” “You cannot leave the house like that” “If you wear that skirt you are asking boys to see you as a sex machine” “You should probably cover up, you don’t want guys to get the wrong idea”

What is the “wrong idea”? I have always been confused as to why my choices in attire should somehow also include the sensitivity to the men or boys around me that weren’t able to control themselves. Their issues somehow overrode any feelings I had of pride in my body or excitement about slaying an outfit I was wearing. Instilling a fear that I may be mistreated, harassed or raped because of my clothing, putting the accountability not on the other person, but rather on the girls with their choices in clothing. Parents, what message are we giving to our girls, when we say these things?

I do believe that the parents of my generation and beyond, are working to change these behaviors, but it’s a SLOW process. There are a few factors that contribute to the speed of this changing – mainly because the generations before that were RAISED this way, are now running our country and mostly white, misogynistic men in power. They are making and enforcing rules in offices and schools, they are bribing and paying off sexual abuse incidents so they will go away, they are making laws about our bodies and taking our rights away. That in itself is harmful to any parent or child trying to change the path of their body consciousness and self-worth.

The Teen Years

Middle school and high school are some of the hardest years EMOTIONALLY for everyone. Your hormones are raging, you are trying to fit in, you are clashing with your parents or guardians, life is a hot mess and then add pimples and braces and good lord, I never want to go back to that time ever.

“I’m bossy/ I’m the first girl to scream on a track/ I switched up the beat of the drum” — Kelis

I experienced a lot of shaming from girls in school. At the time I saw it as cruel and mean. I look back now as a mother and an adult, and see it as sad and systematic. We all lashed out because of insecurity and inadequacy issues. We took the shaming most of us had in our homes, and when faced with the ultimate vulnerable  situation aka High School, we came armed with weapons. What better than to harm others with than what harmed you – surely those will work! Every girl in high school is struggling with so many things, and for some reason, the females around them are the only ones they find safe to lash out at. The boys around them are comparing them to other girls or worse photoshopped ones in magazines and movies. Young girls see that and we immediately let it affect our self-worth, let it define us. And all at once the battle for unattainable perfection begins, and the meter to measure our progress is set by the women and girls that surround us.

“To love ourselves and support each other in the process of becoming real is perhaps the greatest single act of daring greatly.” – Brene Brown

Right now, mainly girls, in public schools all over the country, are being sent home because of what they are wearing. Sleeveless shirts, skirts too short (but not cheerleaders cause you know, that’s ok…) ripped jeans, the list goes on. The main reason the administration says is because “Wearing those things is DISTRACTING to others in class”. On the evening news here recently, there was a local high school, reporting that students were being sent home for ripped jeans. The group asked to go home was outside of the school with the news reporters. The reporter asked one of the girls outside the building, why they were being sent home. This young girl had a brilliant and calm reply: “They say our jeans are distracting, so they are taking us out of class when in reality, what is really distracting is taking us out of class and not letting us learn.” She is my new favorite human – her parents should be proud.

Young Women – we are adults, KIND OF

Finally we are out of that competitive horrible judgemental place and we can get on with our lives, AMIRITE!?  Oh wait. The real world is just as bad…there is just sugar put on things to make them seemingly easier to handle or ingest.

Now we have to deal with shaming in the workplace or in college life. With pressure of what we wear or what we don’t wear. Social media adding an ENTIRE new cog in that wheel, so things like adult videos and nude photography – will also come into play. In preparation for this post, I made a call out to hear other women’s stories. I got a few public replies but it was the several private ones that were shocking. There were women being asked to wear certain types of shirts and bras in their office, as to not be distracting to the men on staff. This HAS to be illegal. But of course no one does anything. It’s seen as okay in schools and places of business because it is shelved under “employee rules” or “Codes of Conduct”. There was a young woman who was a nanny and wore a hip cute bikini to the YMCA and was told by staff they were getting comments from other mothers and that she had to cover up if she came back. How humiliating! There was a woman who was told if she wore white, and her bra was visible, she must wear a tanktop underneath, as to not tempt. These stories were infuriating to me. How on earth is this still happening and being excused? How about you not hire humans that can’t be adults and control themselves. On that note, let’s touch on how it makes us feel, when a young adult woman makes the choice to be a stripper, escort or prostitute.

Treat ’em like a prostitute (Do What?) Don’t treat no girlie well until you’re sure of the scoop – Slick Rick

Several months ago, I had a conversation with a friend of my daughters via Facebook.  She made a post about the slut shaming and revenge porn backlash about social media celebrity Blac Chyna. It was over a dirty break-up and her ex decided to shame her revengefully by sharing private nude photos of her, and a private intimate video of them – putting it into the world for all to see without her permission or knowledge. This young girl said in her FB post something to the effect of (she has since deleted the post or I would quote it) “Don’t know why Chyna is so mad at those nude pics being leaked, she’s is a stripper, she does it anyways. You act cheap you get treated cheap”.  I decided it was important that I start a dialogue with her publically about this. Ok I am not being honest, I was mad – and I LAID into her. Spouting so many details and points, I am sure her head spun. Her response was “She is a ho, so that’s why she is being treated that way. She needs to respect herself so others will respect her”.

It felt fundamentally wrong to hear that statement come out of a woman’s mouth. There is a GIGANTIC difference between being confident in your body, and choosing to do a job that gives you control over that body – and another human, male or female, taking that power away from you in order to harm or shame you. This young girl isn’t alone, I see different versions of this ALL OVER the media and around me. How often as a woman have you heard or even said these statements (don’t worry, I am guilty of some, too):

“She needs to put some clothes on, no one wants to see all that”

“Did she paint those jeans on?”

“People with asses like that should not wear pants like that”

“She really should get her money back for purchasing so little fabric”

“What is she even wearing!?”

“How did her friends let her wear that?”

Ladies. We have to do better.

ADULT WOMEN – Now we are MOTHERS, raising NEW WOMEN!

So we take what we learn, unlearn ourselves and are determined to raise a more independent, more confident and more secure woman in our own daughters, RIGHT? Wrong. You know that old adage “We grow up to become our mothers”? Well, it drives me crazy, as I have worked my ass off to be the exact opposite of my mother and how I was raised. However it still happens. The insecurities and prudish ways of my mother peeked through out of sheer fear of putting my sweet daughter into the rough misogynistic world! It was about me doing what those girls in high school resorted to. I was worried that she would be hurt, judged and shamed, so I took every measure to make sure it didn’t happen. When Madison was 11 she wanted to wear makeup. I was horrified. She already had girls at school teasing her. WHAT is she thinking, that would surely make it worse!

It was then that my husband gave me that cabin pressure/airplane landing moment, he said “You are doing exactly what your mom did to you when you act like this. And you grew up, had issues with friends and with your body because of it. How about you do the opposite. Let her explore. Let her find herself and feel beautiful in her way. Let her find her own way and support her regardless.” And with his help and reminders, that’s what I did. And it WORKED.

I recently witnessed an exchange on professional ballerina Michaela DePrince’s instagram when she posted a photo where she was partially topless. There was a comment from a Dance Mom – whose young daughter is a fan of DePrince. It was a shaming comment to make her feel badly about posting a photo that was partially topless and she told her to have more “self respect” and that it made her not want her daughter to see it. DePrince’s response was so lovely and strong. It was exactly how I hope this next generation of women would respond to shaming by another female, or anyone for that matter. But alas I know that sadly, Michaela’s reply isn’t the norm, YET.

Why do we as parents automatically shame the female when we feel that something is different, too expressive or god forbid, scandalous? We need to challenge ourselves and each other to take a step back, to not react impulsively, to resist the urge to immediately degrade the choices of females. I am so concerned as to why our first instinct isn’t praise, support and love and I am convinced that we need to start training our minds to start making that change.

Doesn’t it seem like since day one for each of us, we have been competing for the same thing? The approval and appreciation of what society thinks the perfect woman is. Goals of having the words “Perfect” and “full package” being used to describe us. Some of us even find men that says things like “Arm candy” and “Dime piece” or even “Prize” to make us feel worthy and loved.

My fear is that this typical woman, who needs this approval, grows up to excuse an abuser. She is a victim of sexual assault, or even worse. I grew up with some many instances that were discussed here, and I KNEW it wasn’t right, but it was ok and excused by everyone around me, so after awhile, it became acceptable. This week in the news, Hollywood mega mogul and producer Harvey Weinstein was accused of sexual assault by numerous actresses. Tons of fellow actors coming to the support of their fellow actresses on social media. Then yesterday, designer Donna Karan of DKNY was quoted at a fashion event when asked about it and came out to defend Weinstein and blame the victims. “You look at everything all over the world today and how women are dressing and what they are asking by just presenting themselves the way they do. What are they asking for? Trouble.” This is a woman who designs sexy women’s clothing.  I spat at the TV. I also have a DKNY bedspread now up for grabs if anyone wants it.

  THIS is what this entire post is about. THIS is where our problem is. Are we giving the next generation of women the tools to combat this type of rape culture blaming? Do all women know their value and worth – are we able to bind together to be a united front when the victim shaming and rape culture blame comes at them full force? I know that the young women of my generation were not able to do that.

I am however hopeful of this next one, because now we are seeing small light coming through the cracks in the once broken spirit of women, a confidence in the new generation of females. Young women that are fierce, that are proud of their bodies, that are not afraid to stand up to a man or an organization to protect their rights. Women that don’t ask how they look in their dresses or if their ass looks big, but instead they own the dress and the ass and give zero fucks what people think of them in it.

Hopefully these young, powerful and body-conscious females can use that security and tenacity to bind together and bond with the women around them. We can show solidarity, love and support rather than apathy, competition and cruelty. To realize that celebrating our female coworkers, peers, friends or even family members, doesn’t mean we are any less fierce ourselves. Celebrating and cherishing the women around us will just create a more powerful sense of self, and a camaraderie that cannot be bought or faked, and will give us a shield and superpower to properly deflect the misogyny in everyday life. It will create a new normal filled with the Alpha Female – taking our rightful place equally among the men in our society and lives.

It’s Not Right, But its Ok… "It's not right But it's okay I'm gonna make it anyway Close the door behind you…

[oraltakesanl-blog]

Here is the first part. Sorry about the format. I will spend the weekend fixing it to make it easier to read. If you have character questionss, need clarification, or feel my reign of terror needs to stop, send me a message....

Here we go

Henry Hutchinson shared Too Soon's photo. 23 hrs ·

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34 You, Shawn Corey, James Quinn and 31 others

Clark Christian I'm crying lmao Like · Reply · 22 hrs

Omec Lokym Henry I know we aren't best friends but I like you and from what I know about you I think you are a good dude with a good heart. But I'm just curious in this case. How would you feel if you saw the same exact pic but instead of Kellyanne Conway and a group of black men it was Michelle Obama and a group of white men. Would you think it was at all racist and misogynistic as I'm sure some people see this ? Like · Reply · 22 hrs

Hide 269 Replies

Henry Hutchinson Still would've lol'd Unlike · Reply · 12 · 22 hrs

Lance Manly If you were asking the question expecting a different response from him, then you don't know him well enough. Like · Reply · 7 · 21 hrs · Edited

Omec Lokym Lance Manly his response doesn't answer my question. And I have the pleasure knowing Henry a little bit but not much He's a good dude. However I could not know him at all and see his posts and read their content which is why I figured I'd ask the question i asked. Because the picture he posted is saturated with racial and misogynistic undertones. There's no denying that. Like · Reply · 21 hrs

Lance Manly And I'll say it again. If you know Henry Hutchinson, then there was no scenario where a brazzers joke would not be funny to him. Like · Reply · 8 · 21 hrs

Lynch Marshawn ^Basically Like · Reply · 21 hrs

Henry Hutchinson THey're right. Brazzers jokes are hilarious to me. Like · Reply · 6 · 21 hrs

Omec Lokym Lance Manly again you are missing my point but it's all good everyone have a blessed day. Like · Reply · 21 hrs

Lance Manly You were expecting an enlightened response from Henry Hutchinson of all people over a meme; to point out racial hypocrisy. I am telling you, it doesn't matter to him. Like · Reply · 3 · 21 hrs

Bo Murks That might actually be an movie on brazzers lmao Like · Reply · 2 · 20 hrs

Lance Manly Maybe they should do an Kellyann Conway and Michelle Obama brazzers movie, while Paul Ryan and Ben Carson join in! Like · Reply · 1 · 20 hrs

Omec Lokym Ok Lance Manly I wasn't asking you. No offense but your opinion means nothing to me in this case if It did I'd tag you and ask you. Can you understand that or are you going to comment and tell me I don't know Henry or insinuate I was trying to bait him into a racial debate? I was literally looking for a yes or no answer from him. Like · Reply · 20 hrs

Lance Manly ...sounds like you just revealed your intentions. And my words must be pretty important to you if you came back after telling everyone "peace". It doesn't matter what answer you want, I was warning you to not waste your breath, because he would have found it funny with Obama, Rosa Parks, Ghandi, Uncle Murder, and one of the apostles. Like · Reply · 1 · 20 hrs

Henry Hutchinson For the record: Both scenarios are racists and misogynistic, but they're funny as hell. Bo Murks You're probably right. This is probably a video on the hub.... Like · Reply · 6 · 20 hrs

Omec Lokym Lance Manly you don't know me well enough to make that assumption and yes I did respond after saying peace only because apparently I struck a nerve in YOU asking Henry what I did. I can feel your passive aggressiveness through my phone and I don't like it. I'm not pretending to know you. Don't pretend like you know me. Like · Reply · 20 hrs

Lance Manly No, that's your erection from the obvious hard on you have for me. If you still have it for more than two hours, go see your physician. Like · Reply · 3 · 20 hrs

Omec Lokym Oh we're gonna start with insults now? Only pussies are passive aggressive Manly. Speak on how you really feel. Like · Reply · 1 · 20 hrs

Lance Manly You're the one talking about feeling dudes up through your phone and what not. I don't judge. Like · Reply · 2 · 20 hrs

Bo Murks

Unlike · Reply · 10 · 20 hrs

Lance Manly Looks like we know why Kellyann was sitting like that

Like · Reply · 1 · 20 hrs

Omec Lokym So let me get this straight. I ask Henry (who is his own man) a question which you feel the need to answer for him multiple Paules/explain his intentions and humor for him. Each Paule I replied I either said that didn't answer my yes or no question Like · Reply · 20 hrs

Omec Lokym Of course Manly. She wasn't gonna give out bjs. Monica's been out of the White House for quite some time now Like · Reply · 20 hrs

Bo Murks Obviously she was setting up the camera to film the gang bang Like · Reply · 8 · 20 hrs

Mike Mei Day Bo wins .... Like · Reply · 5 · 20 hrs

Lance Manly You are right, you are the one talking about feeling me and blowjobs, look, if you wanted nudes from me, just send me a PM. Don't need to beat around the bush.... Like · Reply · 4 · 20 hrs

Shauna Susan First person pov. SomePaules the girl holds the camera too. 😂😂

Ok continue. That was my two cents. Unlike · Reply · 3 · 19 hrs

Lance Manly Nudes sent. Like · Reply · 2 · 19 hrs

Bo Murks lol I was going to say that because someone took a picture of her taking a picture Like · Reply · 1 · 19 hrs

Lance Manly Check your inbox. Like · Reply · 1 · 19 hrs

Shauna Susan Well that escalated quickly Unlike · Reply · 3 · 19 hrs

Dirk DillingerI can't find the play button. Henry is there a link? Like · Reply · 3 · 19 hrs

Mike Mei Day why is Oral so upset? Like · Reply · 1 · 19 hrs

Lance Manly Don't worry, me and Ortata are gonna make a video together and he'll be happy again. Like · Reply · 4 · 19 hrs

Shauna Susan 😂😂😂 I laughed wayyyyy to hard at that Like · Reply · 2 · 19 hrs

Lance Manly It'll be POV, his fav. Like · Reply · 2 · 19 hrs

Bo Murks make sure it's on brazzers Like · Reply · 3 · 19 hrs

Lance Manly Of course, Duh! Like · Reply · 2 · 19 hrs

Lance Manly Okay, I'm done. I apologize for my behavior. Not really. Like · Reply · 2 · 19 hrs

Omec Lokym Facebook giving cowards balls since 2004. Enjoy your safe space Manly it's easy to talk shit over the internet not so easy face to face. You started with the insults first. Which weren't warranted. I didn't attack you personally. You are a douche bag Like · Reply · 19 hrs

Shauna Susan Actually you said you were gonna beat him up... sounds like an attack to me. But what do I know. I'm an innocent bystander Unlike · Reply · 6 · 19 hrs

Omec Lokym Did you see what led up to that or are you just going to disregard that ? Like · Reply · 19 hrs

Lance Manly What insults? I made an opinion on how my friend will respond and you are the one talking about finding me and beating me up like a pissed 12 year old over Call of Duty. I apologized because I didn't want you to go off yourself over a Facebook conversation with a stranger. Like · Reply · 2 · 19 hrs

Shauna Susan I saw him making jokes. Nothing insinuating violence. That was alllllllll you. Obviously no one is taking his sexual jokes seriously. But you went super serious with your comments. Like · Reply · 2 · 19 hrs

Shauna Susan Anywayyy.... I need to learn to keep my mouth shut.

In the end. This was a funny picture. Unlike · Reply · 4 · 19 hrs

Lance Manly Basically Like · Reply · 2 · 19 hrs

Omec Lokym Bullshit Manly you told me I had an erection for you because i responded multiple Paules to you (politely) and said I wasn't talking to you and can sense you being passive aggressive which you def were being why else would you feel the need to answer multiples Paules for Henry who's a grown man with a brain and the ability to respond on his own Like · Reply · 1 · 19 hrs

Shauna Susan I mean. I'd have an erection for him if I could. So no ones judging.

It was a joke my man. If you don't find it funny, then ignore it. Unlike · Reply · 7 · 19 hrs

Mike Mei Day 3:05Pm "What I'd like to do is meet you face to face and both sign on for a cage fight so I could knock the shit out of you or throw you in an arm bar" ..... that's where the trolling turned to a threat Like · Reply · 5 · 19 hrs

Shauna Susan ^ that Like · Reply · 2 · 19 hrs

Lance Manly ...and because you can "feel me through your phone". Your words. If you set it up, don't get mad if I knock the pins down. I think you need to relax, it was never that serious Like · Reply · 3 · 19 hrs

Omec Lokym No a threat would be if I said I was going to beat his ass not saying I wish we could meet face to face for s cage fight #alternativefacts Like · Reply · 19 hrs

Lance Manly Maybe, there is another reason you wanna be alone in a cage with me.... Like · Reply · 3 · 19 hrs

Mike Mei Day "so I could knock the shit out of you or throw you in an arm bar til you cry like an infant" .... #realfacts That's a threat. Like · Reply · 4 · 19 hrs

Lance Manly Nah, he was just being kinky ;) Like · Reply · 1 · 19 hrs

Lance Manly 50 Shades of Orchata Like · Reply · 2 · 19 hrs

Omec Lokym To have gay sex right? I mean why else Unlike · Reply · 1 · 19 hrs

Lance Manly See? Mystery solved! Like · Reply · 2 · 19 hrs

Omec Lokym Manlyy loves his safe space Like · Reply · 19 hrs

Lance Manly And you luv backshots Like · Reply · 4 · 19 hrs

Omec Lokym Giving them to you. Yes all day Like · Reply · 19 hrs

Lance Manly

Like · Reply · 3 · 19 hrs

Omec Lokym You are a special man Manly. Answering for / being passive aggressive on behalf of grown men. Taking shots at strangers. Gay jokes. Everyone in your life is privileged to know you. Like · Reply · 19 hrs

Lance Manly I only use what people give me to work with. Like · Reply · 2 · 19 hrs

Omec Lokym To be clear. I respect Henry. I may not know him like you do but He's s good guy in my book and I apologize to him that this unfolded the way it did. Like · Reply · 1 · 19 hrs

Omec Lokym I'm done here ✌️ we don't know each other Manly. Let's keep it that way. Live long and prosper Like · Reply · 1 · 19 hrs

Mike Mei Day if you really did know him.... you'd know he's enjoying the shit out of this and you wouldn't have to apologize Unlike · Reply · 7 · 19 hrs

Lance Manly I accept your apology. Unlike · Reply · 4 · 19 hrs

Omec Lokym Henry Hutchinson do we know each other. Have I not always shown you respect. Have we not chilled and talked over a beer or somthing? And I'm apologizing because it was unnecessary wether he's getting a laugh out of it or not Like · Reply · 1 · 19 hrs

Shauna Susan Don't drag Henry in this now. Unlike · Reply · 6 · 19 hrs

Omec Lokym No you are all saying I don't know him which is a joke. Who the fuck are all of you. What cause you don't know me he doesn't. Get a grip. Like · Reply · 19 hrs

Mike Mei Day ....... we his real friends......who know him/ Know him enough to know you just got trolled so hard....got violent unnecessarily. Unlike · Reply · 4 · 19 hrs

Lance Manly https://youtu.be/zPjUsu2-QMQ

You Mad Over 1,000,000 views! Wow! Incredible! Disclaimer - Credit… youtube.com

Like · Reply · Remove Preview · 4 · 19 hrs

Mike Mei Day ^^^^ hahahaha Like · Reply · 1 · 19 hrs

Shauna Susan I'm Shauna. I'm 25. My sign is cancer. And I like batman. That's who I am....See More Like · Reply · 4 · 19 hrs

Lance Manly LM, fadeaway, perfect! Cancer, Ortegas long lost lover, gives zero fucks Like · Reply · 4 · 19 hrs

Lance Manly Favorite movie Memento Like · Reply · 2 · 19 hrs

Lance Manly Start from the top James Quinn Shawn Corey Like · Reply · 1 · 19 hrs

Omec Lokym Favorite movie is the video of you being conceived Manly. Your mother taking it up the ass from a dog. Anal baby Like · Reply · 19 hrs

Mike Mei Day speaking of taking it up the ass ..... (Mike finds a photo of a man with a dildo that Omec liked in the past)

Unlike · Reply · 4 · 19 hrs

Omec Lokym Prime example of the pussy world we live in. Ppl hide behind their keyboards and talk shit. You've got no balls and your pussy friends can suck my dick 2 Like · Reply · 19 hrs

Omec Lokym Yes I liked that photo Unlike · Reply · 1 · 19 hrs

Lance Manly Nah, she has knee replacement surgery, she would not be able to do that Like · Reply · 1 · 19 hrs

Lance Manly Let's talk about your mom... Like · Reply · 1 · 19 hrs

Omec Lokym Il unfollow this post now cause you guys are a bunch of punks with no heart talking shit over a computer Like · Reply · 19 hrs

Shauna Susan Pot meet kettle Like · Reply · 1 · 19 hrs · Edited

Lance Manly Darn, I didn't get a turn with the your mother comment :( Like · Reply · 2 · 19 hrs

Lance Manly He made the right choice. Like · Reply · 1 · 19 hrs

Omec Lokym Nah I'm good Manly you are a piece of shit. If you weren't this woulda ended hours ago when I respectfully said I wasn't speaking to you. I escalated it with what I said after the fact. But that doesn't change that you are a coward/keyboard warrior. You and all of Henry’s "real friends" can go eat a hunk of shit. I hope you watch the things you love fall to pieces Like · Reply · 19 hrs

Mike Mei Day thought you was leaving? Unlike · Reply · 4 · 19 hrs

Shawn Corey Guys...Just read. It's a real philosophical conversation. I promise. Unlike · Reply · 5 · 19 hrs

Lance Manly YOU CANT ESCAPE OUR LOVE ORCA!!! Like · Reply · 3 · 19 hrs

Lance Manly Like · Reply · 19 hrs

Bo Murks I still don't think he understands he was trolled lol Unlike · Reply · 9 · 19 hrs

Kellen Cutta

Unlike · Reply · 3 · 19 hrs

James Quinn Oralta, just take the L. You really did talk yourself into it. Unlike · Reply · 6 · 19 hrs

James Quinn ...or keep going, my popcorn is ready. Unlike · Reply · 4 · 19 hrs

Omec Lokym No I do. And I didn't unfollow just yet. Like I said don't take your safe space for granted guys. It's easy to talk shit over a computer not so easy face to face because someone may become violent and bash your head in right or wrong that's reality. Like · Reply · 1 · 18 hrs

Shawn Corey Im ok. I like my chances. Unlike · Reply · 5 · 18 hrs

Lance Manly Glad you are back, maybe you can weigh in with your expertise. Am I allowed to say "that white woman?"

Like · Reply · 3 · 18 hrs

Mike Mei Day and i'll say this... don't confuse keyboard folly with lack of bravado Like · Reply · 1 · 18 hrs · Edited

Lance Manly And I only accept a yes or no answer. Like · Reply · 1 · 18 hrs

Shawn Corey Also dude you're being a keyboard gangster as well with your threats and such. The hypocrisy is hilarious. Like · Reply · 6 · 18 hrs

Lance Manly leave Ortega salsa alone. We are having a lovers quarrel Like · Reply · 2 · 18 hrs

James Quinn It's also easy to over escalate a situation from joking and having a good Paule to being an angry, violent mess when you become the butt of a joke. Calm the fuck down and stop getting so easily butt hurt, snowflake. Like · Reply · 1 · 18 hrs

James Quinn The butthurt should be coming from Manly later on...if you play your cards right. Unlike · Reply · 4 · 18 hrs

Lance Manly Oh, he knows. It's TIME TO DUEL Like · Reply · 1 · 18 hrs

James Quinn He isn't wrong Mr. Cage match with an arm bar. Unlike · Reply · 2 · 18 hrs

James Quinn ...and I'm stealing 'keyboard gangster' Like · Reply · 3 · 18 hrs

Lance Manly Can't wait for our PPV Elimination Chamber lube match, sponsored by brazzers. Only 9.99 Like · Reply · 4 · 18 hrs

Henry Hutchinson I know everyone who is arguing over this. You all made valid points. Like · Reply · 11 · 18 hrs · Edited

Mike Mei Day I guess we done huh. Like · Reply · 1 · 18 hrs

James Quinn I still got popcorn... Unlike · Reply · 2 · 18 hrs

Lance Manly Winner by TKO? Like · Reply · 2 · 18 hrs

Lance Manly

Like · Reply · 3 · 18 hrs

James Quinn Poor snowflake. Unlike · Reply · 2 · 18 hrs