#i had an obsession with derek for about ten years

[ghost-bison]

i just had a flashback of 7th grade back when i was so obsessed with teen wolf and we had to write a short story about this book called the knight with the lion by chrétien de troyes, and i said the knight was surrounded by wolves and one of them was called derek. teacher thought it was very funny and gave me an a+ but she never knew i was just deranged. or how i wanted to make a derek hale blanket burrito and make him hot chocolate. so that's that

[differenteagletragedy]

More Our Life headcannons

-- Cove went through a pretty intense Pokemon obsession when he was a kid, like 10 or 11. Played the video games, collected cards, watched the show, everything. He always picks a water starter. Squirtle is his favorite of all time, and he gets a little bummed when he evolves it.

-- During this phase, he wanted to go as Ash for Halloween. He wanted you to do a matching costume and he was Very Excited about it. If you didn't get as into it, he at least made you watch the show with him some.

You: Ok, I'll be Brock/Misty.

Cove: What? No, you'll be Pikachu.

Cove: *smug grin* I choose you.

-- Even if you end up married with a bunch of kids, together for decades, he will still never believe he pulled off that line.

-- If this is too much Pokemon for you, that's ok, this one is for me.

-- BAXTER WITH A BUZZCUT

-- By the time he decided he was done with the black and white hair, he'd been just bleaching the hell out of it for years (it is also my belief that he would literally rather drop dead than have his roots show at this time in his life). He went to his stylist and asked to go all black, but his hair was just fried and that's a whole process, so they convinced him to just buzz it off and start fresh since he doesn't wear his hair super long anyway.

-- He was hesitant, but hoped it might give him a fresh start (it did not). He never kept it that short, but he did feel like a bit of a bad boy while he had it.

-- Derek's parents eventually apologized to him for how much they put on him as a kid. Like a formal, sincere apology. It was intense, everybody cried. He tried to shrug it off at first, saying he didn't mind and it wasn't a big deal, but his parents wouldn't let it go. It was a very cathartic moment for the Suarez family.

-- Cove can't cook or bake, but he can make a mean milkshake.

-- Baxter has a dermatologist that he sees on a very regular basis because he gets nervous about his moles. He always carries sunscreen.

-- I've said before that Derek can fix anything, but seriously, anything. Not just cars or leaky faucets or whatever, like computers and stuff too. If you have something that isn't working, nine times out of ten he can fix it.

[princeescaluswords]

Hello, sorry to bother. I just wanted to thank you for your continuous passion for TW and especially Scott. I've recently rewatched the show for the first time in 10 years, and he's always been my favourite, but I kept my distance from the fandom because of how bad it was towards him – and ended up pulling away entirely for a while. It's sad to see it's still not much better, but your blog is a delight to me because I finally see someone who gets it. Have a good day 🐺

Your words are very kind. While I find the effort rewarding, I am most certainly tilting at windmills. The fandom will only be able to change through attrition; the appreciation of Scott McCall as a character as he deserves will only fully happen when there's no one left to notice.

I'm sorry for being a bit of a downer, but there was a very interesting post by @liplessthomas14 where they mourned the lack of "Bad Friend Scott" stories that actually address the problems in Scott and Stiles's friendship. They're absolutely correct. While I would never see the need for that tag, there could have been an entire genre of Teen Wolf fanfiction and fandom content which analyzed the flaws in a powerful friendship. But there isn't, and there won't be now. It's too late. The damage is done. We have 2218 works on AO3 labelled as such, and I would generously estimate ten times that many which simply taken the idea that Scott was a bad friend to Stiles for granted. That's one out of seven stories published and very, very few of them aren't simplistic one-dimensional hit jobs.

Instead of understanding the role of Scott and Allison's relationship in the story, 95% of the fandom believes that Scott was obsessed with her and in doing so, left Stiles behind. Of course, they have to ignore the more-than-half-dozen times that Scott risked his relationship with Allison for Derek or Stiles, including the fact that Season 2 was entirely about Scott putting saving lives of people who didn't like him above his relationship with Allison. They have to ignore that there was never a scene where Scott left Stiles behind for Allison or popularity, for that matter. They have to ignore that Allison was Scott's anchor and that this was important, including ignoring this blatantly lampshading scene from Party Guessed (2x09):

Isaac: Then how do you control it? Derek: Find an anchor. Something meaningful to you. Bind yourself to it. Keep the human side in control.

The show came out and said "In order for Scott to exert control over his lycanthropy so he can save others rather than be a danger to them, he needed to bind himself to Allison, a girl with which he fell in love." and the fandom has spent the last 13 years pretending that the show didn't have repeated scenes demonstrating this very need. We can all accuse Jeff Davis of being unsubtle, but he seemed to have known that he simply could not be unsubtle enough.

Instead of understanding the purpose of Stiles (and Derek) as a foil(s) for Scott, I would estimate that 95% of the fandom believes that the show, as one person put it, undermined Stiles or Derek's story for Scott's benefit, an idea put forward again and again with no basis in storytelling. Stiles had two whole seasons dedicated to his story and the only time he wasn't an important character in the other seasons was when the actor didn't want to be there. Scott, on the other hand, spent the first 36 episodes of the show cleaning up the Hale family mess on their behalf and then accepted being given their role of protecting the town. Of course, the fandom has taught itself that, contrary to the actual writing, it was Derek and Stiles's right to be the focus of the show.

Think of it this way, after all the emotionally resonant "Stilinski family feels" which the fandom loves so much (and they were meant to) and then couple that with the fact that Stiles had more scenes, more screen time, and received more on-screen comfort from Scott's parents than Scott did. I'll never get over the fact that we had an entire season of everyone talking about how much they love Stiles and how important Stiles was to them, and it wasn't until the final season (when Stiles was gone) that someone told Scott she was worried about him. As I like to point out, imagine Stiles being kidnapped and taken to a foreign country or badly injured and the Sheriff not being involved. His parents being absent during crises happened to Scott three times, and the majority of the fandom never noticed.

Instead of taking the time to explore the motivations of every character and not just their favorites, 95% of the fandom indulge in racist tropes that allow them to ignore huge plot points and then complain about plot holes. Deaton is sinister, cryptic and/or unhelpful, when scene after scene depicts Deaton offering good advice and help for which he receives no reward. Scott is stubborn, angry, and simplistically moral (black-and-white thinking) towards white male characters who should be in charge, when there are repeated scenes showing him willing to work with Derek and Chris Argent, Theo and even Peter for pity's sake.

That's why the fight in Lies of Omission (5x09) is one of the most fundamentally misconstrued scenes in television history. Instead of seeing that Theo cleverly used the flaws in Scott's and Stiles's relationship to drive them apart so he can isolate and neutralize Scott, the fandom reduces it to Scott casually and immediately tossing Stiles out of the pack for killing someone in self-defense on the word of an utter stranger. Gone is the knowledge that Stiles has a history of lies and deception so deep it's become a running gag and a history of extreme violence in defense of his father; gone is the awareness that Theo had carefully cultivated Scott's overwhelming sense of responsibility as well as saved every single member of the pack, thus earning Scott's trust (the way Derek saving Scott's life in Season 2 was supposed to earn Scott's immediate obedience). Stiles, as a white male character, is entitled to hurt and deceive other people and receive understanding; Scott, as a non-white character, is expected to ask the right questions and get to the bottom of things even as Stiles yells in his face.

In conclusion, the fandom is poisonous because of the established core belief that Scott is unworthy to be lead protagonist and that Stiles (or Derek or Theo or even Peter) would have been a better one. This belief is so widespread and so strong and so in conflict with the story itself that it's hard to participate in the fandom unless you adopt it, and it's why there is always a struggle to think about the characters in nuanced terms. I'll keep trying, though.

[uhnoobuhhs]

Nandermo ficlet from Nandors POV

Currently obsessed with Nandor from 5x10

Once Laszlo finally released him from the cage Nandor flew away in bat form vision blurry despite his enhanced abilities.

His thoughts plagued with Derek turned me. Derek did it. I choose Derek over you.

Nandor flew back to their home, rushed past his roommates and their pleads for mercy on Guillermo’s behalf and processed to destroy the pillow and foot locker Nandor had so foolishly gifted his familiar.

He knew Guillermo had been pulling away ever since they spent a year apart. He thought maybe if he felt more needed, if he thought Nandor wasn’t competent enough, he could make him stay a little longer.

Nandor tried to make Guillermo jealous by asking him to be his best man, to see if he would show some kind of emotion towards the thought of Nandor marrying someone else. And it stung, when Guillermo looked happy for him instead.

Nandor thought if he acted less aloof and more caring, if he allowed some of his overwhelming affection for the boy to shine through a little more than maybe Guillermo would understand.

He knew he made a mistake when he turned his bride-to-be into a clone of Guillermo’s boyfriend.

But Nandor would’ve never imagined that his actions, his mistake, would’ve lead Guillermo to choose someone else for something so sacred.

Not only that, but a vampire so low in ranking and unworthy of someone like Guillermo.

He thought about destroying the letter Guillermo gifted him when they first met but the pain the thought caused made him stop from impulsively going through with it.

He didn’t want to hurt Guillermo, he didn’t want to kill him, but his anger and pain felt all consuming. He couldn’t slumber or feed, all he wanted to do was find Guillermo and make him suffer the way he was suffering now.

He stalked the Panera where they first met, with no luck. Even after killing the human actor, all he felt was regret and longing.

Couldn’t Guillermo understand that he did not deny him the bite out of rejection but love? Couldn’t Guillermo feel how much Nandor wanted to share an eternal life with him?

Nandor had known for over ten years now that Guillermo was too soft and kind to survive the vampiric curse, he may not accept or understand this yet. But perhaps when he’s fully transformed he’d see what Nandor tried to protect him from.

Nandor knew where Guillermo’s mother lived, he knew where all his family gathered. It was easy to convince Silvia to invite him inside.

The apartment smelled overwhelmingly like Guillermo, it made something warm and comforting stir inside Nandor.

He missed Guillermo, he needed him. He couldn’t harm him. He couldn’t be without him.

While Silvia gathered refreshments, Nandor looked around the small but well lived space, trancing his fingers over the framed pictures of Guillermo’s childhood.

He couldn’t hurt him, he loved him. He had already forgiven him. All Nandor could think about was his familiar, his savior.

“Silvia, where is your telephone? I wish to contact Guillermo.”

He turned and kept a close eye on her as she fetched the device. He knew soon she would sense what he was and possibly attempt to kill him on pure hunter instinct.

But this was the only way to locate Guillermo, he had tried the ether, with no response. He wasn’t sure if Guillermo would even hear him now that he was half vampire.

This was the only way.

Just hearing Guillermo’s voice made Nandors cold dead heart try it’s hardest to beat. He knew he was scaring him, he knew he should’ve explained that he had no intention of harming his mother but he just needed Guillermo back, needed to be close to him again.

Nandors previous actions may have pushed Guillermo into the arms of another vampire but Nandor would not make that mistake again. He would help his sweet sweet Guillermo fully transition. He would be there every step of the way, guiding his path, allowing Guillermos to decide what he wanted.

He would prove himself worthy of Guillermo’s affection and love, he would show him how much better Nandor could be than Derek.

Guillermo belonged with him, could never part his side. He could sense when Guillermo was at the door, and once he broke through Nandor felt the pull that always existed between them, making the need to be close almost impossible to ignore.

Nandor felt like he was in a trance, Guillermos very presence seemed to hypnotize his senses. He couldn’t stop himself from placing his hand on Guillermo’s shoulder, did not notice Silvia lurking behind his vulnerable back until Guillermo distressed plea for his mother to stop made the fog lift only slightly.

All Nandor could focus on was taking his Guillermo home, to their home. Where he belonged.

[fksleep]

teru mcginnis notes pt. i

parentage & birth:

teru isn't the biological child of bruce wayne.

he's the firstborn son of a japanese-american woman, miyako kochiyama, and an irish-british man, warren mcginnis. he was born august 18th, 2024.

becoming batman:

his tenure as batman begins in 2041, at the age of 17.

by september 2041, teru took on the mantle, at the behest of derek powers (powitz). this portrayal is centered in 2054, with teru being just ten years away from forty (30). thirteen years have gone by with him under the cowl, acting as the tomorrow bat of neo-gotham. his relationship with old man bruce is mostly touch-and-go and his nightly operations are overviewed by nightwing and maxine.

growing up in crown point:

his formative years were spent growing up in crown point, one of the worst neighborhoods that were crime-ridden and severely neglected long before the neo age.

crown point was a place infested with drugs, violence, prejudice, and prostitution. it was a place long neglected even before the neo age. teru navigated them with the survival instincts of a child who had to grow up too fast and an affinity for living lawless. as a latchkey kid, he spent the good majority of his time around older hoodlums. among them was charlie "big time" bigelow, someone he affectionately regarded as an older brother and followed faithfully.

the crown point brothers (cpb):

teru and charlie formed the crown point brothers.

the cpb wasn't just a gang; it was a response��a reaction to the ethnic prejudices, random acts of terrorism of the Jokerz, and the societal neglect that defined the environment. they were comprised of predominately second-generation sons of immigrants, united by their shared struggles and desires to live with no limits. fighting, vandalism, and theft were their credo. but charlie had bigger plans for cpb that extended beyond fighting the laughing boyz (a jokerz subset), stealing their motorcycles, and giving police a headache. he was obsessed with living up to his nickname, "big time", by topping the largest heist in japan history. the story of the 300 million yen robbery was his inspiration and he aimed to cement cpb in the history books. teru was caught up in the whirlwind of charlie's ambitions until it was too late and law enforcement booked most of cpb.

terrible tiny terry:

in the 'ritz' (juvie), he earned the name terrible tiny terry.

teru was a small thirteen-year-old kid that was caught up in a harsh system and had a temper that belied the emotional intelligence he needed for a potential early release. his nickname wasn't just indicative of his small stature—it was about his street philosophy that helped him survive crown point and inside juvenile detention. he lived by 'twos', short for the two-face two-second rule or 'flippin a two-face'; if someone disrespected him and that feeling lingered for more than two seconds, he was to beat them mercilessly until their face was barely recognizable. the violence was in part, a reflection of his disturbed surroundings and the trauma that would follow him long after his release on the eighteenth month that landed on his fifteenth birthday. especially as he learns how to live with his 'bat condition' (more on this later in another post) that dr. abel cuvier forced upon him.

post-juvie life:

adjusting to civilian life and being a 'normal' teen was challenging for teru.

freedom came with its own chains. though his parents had moved the family away from crown point by the time of his release, there were underlying scars that hadn't been effectively addressed and they couldn't easily be left behind. teru's battles and his struggles were mostly internal—being a 'good son', the 'best' example he can be for his little brother, developing emotional intelligence to the point his moves wouldn't be dictated by his emotions, finding peace within himself, and finding healthier channels to direct his anger through. anger management became necessary, as his old coping mechanisms weren't making him and those around him happy. he regularly attended cmt (criminal modification therapy) while he was in juvie and has learned some techniques that helped him deal with his behavioral issues. in between attending school, and taking up wrestling, he went on to study intensively under the martial arts master, kairi tanaga, to learn discipline and establish balance in his spirit. before bruce, she was his first real teacher, albeit, he was far from the perfect student. it would be far later on, during his first year as batman that he finds out about his old sensei's connection to mr. wayne.

[emilykaldwen]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favourite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers (if you feel like it, no pressure) Spread the self-love 💖

-toms-cherry-trees xx

Aaaahh thank you! I also received this from @margoshansons so I'll answer this all together!

Not all my fics are on tumblr, so I'll provide AO3 links as well!

The Maiden and the Drowning Boy - HotD/Fire & Blood Canon Divergent AU mashup. Aegon x OC, Jacelaena. My Magnum Opus, the obsession, the me utterly rewriting Fire and Blood and going completely and utterly off script because I need to make a better world, or at least, something more interesting. And also try save these kids the best that I can. [Tumblr Masterpost | AO3 Link]

Fight For Me (If It's Not Too Late) - Teen Wolf. Derek x Lydia. Lydia gets possessed, and ends up making Derek her familiar. I wrote it in a haze, and I think I wrote it like over the course of a week maybe? It was the last fic I wrote for ages and it still has a very soft place in my heart.

Boy With A Broken Soul (Heart with a Gaping Hole) - F&B Fae!AU. Aegon x OC. The first fic I wrote and completed in like, ten years. It's Dark. It's messy. I'm not entirely happy with the ending. Dragon Fae!Aegon needs to learn how to care for his human wife. I don't know if I'll ever continue in this verse or how I would, but I do love it.

You're the Lighting of the Blaze - HotD. Jacelaena. This was my entry for last year's HotD Big Bang and I love it. It was my first time writing Jace before I intro'd him into Maiden and I'm kind of obsessed, ngl. I absolutely, desperately, want to write more solo Jacelaena, I just don't have any plot ideas for them right now. Open to ideas.

Kissed by Fire - HotD. Aegon x OC x OC. This is a naughty spicy companion to @vampire-exgirlfriend's They Say I Killed You (Haunt Me Then) - amazing wonderful evocative fic like if you want a well done Aemond, with complicated family dynamics, and a fantastic love story, check it out okay? This! Was my first threesome fic, and my first time writing any sort of m/m content as well. I'm surprised I did something so horny lmao. But Abby and Aegon were on a break in my fic and Alex and I had been joking about the two of them popping Rickon's cherry. Annnnd this happened.

If you like any of these stories, I'd love to hear what you think!

[venturismcdonald]

Alright you, I am totally willing to chat with you about Derek Venturi's vibe being "folklore" by Taylor Swift. I'm gonna end up listening to that album again this weekend while thinking about him, my favourite blorbo, and internally screaming while I work retail; and I both blame AND thank thee.

Okay, yes, because here's the thing: folklore is an album full of contradictions and really fucking confusing plotlines and self doubt while simultaneously believing in oneself above all else and that is Derek Venturi to a t. (He's also Midnights but that's a conversation for another day.) Please add your thoughts to this somewhat comprehensible thing I wrote about this!

Literally ever since the thought came to me all I have been able to think is Derek being every song and I have ✨thoughts✨ on it.

the 1: alright, look, Derek is aware that people *think* he's cool. But the thing is, he's had two serious relationships in his entire life. Sally was cool, he thinks he loved her, in the fearless way someone loves when they're sixteen and might have had feelings for their stepsister at the same time. Being with Sally was cool, but he knew it never would've worked out long term because... *vaguely hand gestures to his brain, which must be at least 20% Casey.* It's not that Derek regrets being with and loving Sally, he's just aware it wasn't forever and was never meant to be. He always felt like he had to be better around her, to be a version of himself that didn't prank Casey and start wars with the football team (even though, hello, they're football players, Sally, they totally deserve it! Max is annoying and an ass and not a good partner to Casey and football is a terrible sport that only narcissistic egomaniacs who should be spouting the Star Spangled fucking Banner play), a version of himself that was soft and kind and just not Derek. He can be those things, but not all the time. His love language is fond insults.

cardigan: this one is how he feels a lot of the time. As a society, we've acknowledged this is a song about being used when someone needs something but not actually being what they need or want. That's how Derek feels. He's a god amongst men, alright, and that comes with people wanting him for something or another constantly. Do they care about him? Not really, but don't they do a damn good job of pretending? It's almost convincing. Just like the song.

the last great american dynasty: is he a woman named Rebekah living in Rhode Island after the death of her first husband? No, not to his knowledge. Does he fit the vibe of someone who decides that fuck it, he's going to spend the rest of his life doing a bunch of random hijinks with his friends and Casey and their pack of kids? Of course. That's literally Derek. He has dyed a dog key lime green (Casey didn't find it nearly as amusing as Derek and Molly did, because she is lame and needs to expand her horizons), he has decided to pace rocks just to look insane and aesthetic and he's certainly made questionable gambling decisions (hence Sky's conception. Use a condom, kids.)

exile: do you know how long this man spent pining after Casey?? If we take LWL into effect, it's twenty four years! And in those 24 years, Casey was never single longer than nine or ten months (because she's Casey and loves long term relationships and all the bullshit that comes with them because she's never done anything casually. Except the one time they fucked and he ran away to Paris and they never spoke of it again), which meant Derek had to watch her fall in love, over and over again, with different terrible men! Really, what was she thinking? A football captain, a douchebag who rated her (and only thought she was a six and a half, as if Derek would ever obsess over a six and a half! It's insulting), a guy who didn't have a personality and a neglectful husband have been her choices. He has to watch, from the sidelines, because she doesn't let him in after everything happened, after the fight and the sex and the avoidance. All he is to her is a stepbrother she once hooked up with. Nothing more. Meanwhile, his heart cracks every time he sees her and Peter on Facebook.

my tears ricochet: specifically the first verse is giving Derek vibes to me. He knows he can bring out every side of people effortlessly, he can read them like a book because Derek is so smart, it's just people smart! It's why he knows that he has to try and be the greatest (not that it takes much effort, but it's difficult some days) to get any attention, to get love from his parents and his family and everyone around him. Because everyone loves him conditionally and Derek is barely holding himself together. Scotch tape doesn't fix everything. But c'mon, Marti, Simon and Sky are the only people who have loved him without conditions, without terms of service. What else is he supposed to believe? That he's suddenly lovable and perfect and doesn't need to put in any effort ever because he's not a fuck up? That would erase literal decades of George, Abby and Nora's parenting.

seven: being a kid is fucking great, man. Even a kid whose parents don't like him, who make him feel like a fuck up because he had to repeat the first grade (look, alright, it's hard to focus and his brain won't because Derek is broken and he's aware. Moving on), a kid who tries so hard and never gets acknowledgement. And then his parents have Edwin! Just because! Edwin is planned, he's wanted, he's everything Derek isn't. But when Derek is seven, George and Nora start fighting more. He takes Ed (who's two) and they hide out in the backyard, in a shitty treehouse that'll probably result in a broken bone one day, playing pirates until Edwin falls asleep or the yelling stops, whichever comes first. Because being seven is also impossible. It's great in hindsight, but at the time? God, it sucks. He romanticizes it until he remembers having to scream so loud the neighbors thought something was wrong so George and Abby would stop fighting, remembers the time he broke his arm on the slide because they wouldn't get outside and play so he went first and they didn't even notice until three days later because they were in such an intense fight. Being seven was the best and worst of times and sometimes, Derek thinks it was his peak. In a weird competition, his parents would always try to shower him with love right after a fight. It didn't add up, but whatever, who is he to judge?

august: Derek is August. I need this to be known; he's the one waiting on a call, who desperately wants to get it and knows he won't. Casey won't call, she'll never call, because they fucked everything up, hooking up. He saw it clear as day on her face the morning after, it's why he went to fucking Paris. And honestly, he's never really a first choice, is he? He's always the backup guy, the guy who you drag out for looks but don't actually love. You'll pretend to, and you'll do a good job, but no one actually does and that's okay.

this is me trying: he tries, alright? It may not seem like it, with Derek being a solid D+ student, but he tries. So hard. It's not his fault that his fucking brain won't cooperate and he can't learn the useless stuff. Give him a hockey stick, he'll be so good you'll forget all about your problems, but don't make him do school. He hates it. The only topics he can learn about are the ones he's obsessed with (mythology, film, music, the history of video games that one summer, the bodice rippers Casey keeps under her pillow, Casey as a whole entity (this is entirely against his will. Believe him, his life would be so much easier if he didn't know so much about Casey and feel so much about her he cannot breathe and he can't talk about it so it just sits there, being a crushing weight on him because she is inconvenient! And annoying and the absolute worst!), hockey, all of Marti and Simon's interests, etc) and five paragraph essays do not fit that. But then there's the fact he practically is a parent to Marti, doing all the emotional and physical labor of one most of the time. He tries so hard to not fuck her up because he loves her so much. Ed's cool and he loves him, but Smarti's different, okay? When Derek met Edwin, he sort of just shrugged, loved the kid and failed to get him into anything cool. When he met Marti, Abby told him he'd be taking on responsibility and Derek took that seriously. He's uncharacteristically responsible with her. Marti is the fucking best. Derek tries so hard to not be obsessed with Casey, even though it feels like she's in his fucking bloodstream, she's running through him, she's a goddamn part of him and sometimes he wants to crawl inside of her skin and live there, because he knows she can't feel the same. Casey doesn't love him. Casey doesn't even like him! So he pranks her and grins and throws a fit when she dates Sam (which, seriously Sam? What a fucking betrayal, dude. The male code! It's a real thing and definitely not something he just pulled out of his ass so you wouldn't date his annoying and hot stepsister) and eventually tries to be a decent person because, for some reason, she doesn't give up on him. It's sickening.

illicit affairs: before Casey finalized her divorce with Peter, there was (shh, it's a secret, don't tell the family) an affair happening in her house. Take two guesses as to who it was. Derek and Casey? Brilliant. Yeah, it's an affair, and it makes Derek feel dirty, like all he's good for is being a secret boy toy, but he loves her so much that he'll take whatever she's giving, even if it's just bare scraps. Derek will break himself in half to help her, to make Casey feel better, and if being her mistress is how he does it, then it'll be fine. He won't panic about their future once her divorce is finalized at all.

invisible string: there is only one explanation for why Derek's felt so drawn to Casey since he first met her. She had a schoolgirl uniform on. Is it his kink? No, not particularly, but she's a hot girl in a schoolgirl uniform. He's not blind! But also, he met her and something in his brain lit up, some part he'd never known was there before, some part that made him want to be around her all of the time for some inexplicable reason. She's infected him like a cancer. It's evil. He loves it. There's something dragging them together constantly, and at his age of 38 (please don't mention it, he's coping poorly), he can admit it might be fate or the universe or whatever. Derek loves Casey and she loves him back. Has for decades, apparently. They should've pulled their heads out of their asses so much sooner, because they're in love and it's great and they go do all the cute coupley shit Derek used to swear he'd never do but in his defense: it's Casey and she lights up doing that bullshit and Derek is a total marshmallow when it comes to her. She even gets to steal his food! And watch her terrible reality shows during hockey games! This whole love thing has turned him into a disgusting sap of a person. Shoot him, please. He begs.

mad woman: Derek's spent enough time around women (Casey especially) to understand they are complex creatures. He'll never fully understand them, but he can try to. They get mad at... A lot, honestly, being a woman must be exhausting (Casey and Marti are constantly feeling things so deeply it's painful) and sometimes it's each other? He's not quite sure, but he knows they're mad. And when they are, do not mess with them. Even Casey, who is stupid hot when mad. The world is against women, apparently, so they get mad at that and the fact they have to pay for tampons (Derek ends up buying them, do not make it a thing) and having it be inferred they're just fucking insane. Which, to be fair, they are! Casey especially! But yeah, it's gotta be annoying, so he's trying to empathize and be feminist and other bullshit that Skyler has bullied him into.

epiphany: so here's the problem: Derek is aware he's had a pretty decent life, all things considered. No massive traumas, nothing a therapist should see him for. Still, he can't help but feel sometimes like there's a war being waged between his brain and the Canadian education system. It's fucking insane! School just doesn't work and Derek is broken because he doesn't get it, he doesn't understand, everything feels violent and he can't cope. Hence hockey, where he can hit things and people with sticks! Hockey is great! It's bloody and gorey and everything else Casey hates.

betty: oh boy. This one's a doozy. But it's not Derek's fault, he will maintain, that he accidentally pissed Casey off so much she won't talk to him. He made one joke about her divorce (which wasn't even that bad! The kids laughed! Simon laughed! Casey is the only one who didn't) and now she's stormed off and won't talk to him so obviously Derek needs to apologize. He hates apologies; they're lame and suck all the fun out of everything and they are the worst! But he does, and god, does he hope that it'll be enough for him to apologize by playing her a song he wrote and talking about his (ugh) feelings for her to kiss him in front of the kids and their parents and admit this is what she wants. Because this thing between them has always been on her terms, he's just along for the ride, but he'd really like to be with her forever.

peace: one of the few cons of being as amazing as Derek is that he doesn't get any privacy half the time. Neither do his romantic partners, as a result. He's aware of this and it's part of why he doesn't date anymore; it's too hard to find someone willing to deal with all of it. Once he and Casey officially get together, one of Derek's biggest fears is that she's going to realize he's not worth it. Because she'll never have a quiet, peaceful life that Casey deserves, not being with him. Everything will be an article and it's going to suck and Derek loves her. Will she be okay without getting that peace? He'd get it if she wasn't; it's okay, he won't hold it against her. She'll never get to live a normal life with him. When she tells him she'd rather insane with anyone else than normal with him, he may or may not shed a tear or two. Because he's not worth that, he isn't even close to worth the chaos that'll come with it, but Casey thinks he is for some reason, so Derek will keep trying to prove to her that he is. Every day for the rest of his goddamn life.

hoax: when love feels conditional and faithless, it's essentially a massive hoax. Derek doesn't believe in a love that'll exist with unwavering loyalty and faith and trust. It's not for him. Maybe for other people, but he doesn't get that. Everyone's love for him is a fake, a pretend, and Derek is great at pretending he doesn't know it. Love is bullshit, the kind they talk about in the movies. That doesn't exist for people like Derek. It exists for Marti and Casey and Edwin and Lizzie and Nora and George and hell, Abby and Dennis, but not for Derek. He's not wired to receive it. And he'll believe they all love him endlessly to go to sleep at night, waking up knowing it's a lie.

the lakes: sometimes, a man wants peace and quiet. He wants to go to an abandoned lake, write songs with his girlfriend, let the kids play and do whatever the fuck Luca and Sky do (he thinks Luca has a boyfriend?? It's confusing. He FaceTimes him a lot) and avoid people forever. And then Derek remembers how much he hates camping because urban hell scapes are his favorite thing, shrugs, and proceeds to overromanticize small New England towns until he goes to one. Let him have his fun, he's an artist. This is his muse.

[anxiety-thyme]

It's time for this month's first Friday fic night!

For a refresher you can find out what this is here.

Last month we looked at Attack on Titan.

According to the poll we are going back to Teen Wolf. Poll for next month's fandom at the bottom.

Fandom: Teen Wolf

Ship: Sterek

Last time we looked at Teen Wolf we were at 40k words or less with a focus on healing and recovering from Trauma.

This month: BAMF Stiles

with bloody feet across hallowed ground, by owlpostagain

"There were no last words. No more pleas, no more screaming. Just the sound of Stiles squeezing the trigger, the explosion of a second shot rocketing out of the revolver, and the hunters bursting through the open doorway just in time to see the bullet slam squarely into the center of Derek’s chest."

In The Afterimage, by clotpolesonly

"Jackson sat heavily on the riser beside Scott, knocking their shoulders together. “This is weird and I hate it.”

"What's weird and why?"

“This whole situation,” Jackson said. “With the Ghostriders and the missing dude you’re so obsessed with.”

“And why do you hate that?”

“Because now I can’t stop thinking about it!” Jackson bit out, and he really did sound supremely irritated by that. “I keep thinking that if even Danny’s forgetting shit because of this guy, then I must be forgetting shit too, and that is so not cool. So now I’m running over everything that’s ever happened in my entire freaking life looking for moments when the Ghostriders could’ve fucked with my head.”

Scott had to admit that Jackson had a point. He’d been doing the same thing ever since that first memory with obvious pieces missing. Honestly, it was hard for him to find a memory that did feel whole. Even sitting on the bench alone didn’t feel right."

I'm the ghost of my mistakes, by GreyHaven

"Stiles hasn't been known as Stiles for the past six years. He's Mitch Rapp, a CIA assassin with 117 kills under his belt. When he gets a late night call from Scott, saying Derek has been taken, he's on the road back to Beacon Hills in less than ten minutes. He's going to get Derek back, even if that means adding a few more kills to his ledger.

An American Assassin/Teen Wolf fusion. Rated E for violence which is canon typical for AA but might be considered extreme for TW. If you're familiar with the plot of AA, please be assured that no female or beloved TW characters have been fridged in the making of this fic and pairing."

i'm here in search of your glory, by EvanesDust and spaceprincessem

"And standing there, in the dim light of the office was the all powerful emissary whose name had been whispered across the country. The one who could move mountains and part oceans. The one they all called Void.

Standing there was Stiles fucking Stilinski.

There were so many things Derek wanted to say - needed to say - and Stiles arched an eyebrow, like he was waiting, like he fucking knew. Derek opened his mouth, but the only thing that came out was, “Are you fucking kidding me.”"

As a reminder, always check the tags!

I hope you enjoy. Let me know how much you love them on a scale of surprise badass to faulty memory.

I'm leaving off both Attack on Titan and Teen Wolf for next month, they'll be added back into the poll after that.

[takaraphoenix]

The Lost Wolf Pup

Talia growled tensely, keeping to the treeline. When Damon had kissed her goodbye and said not to lose any of their pups, she had rolled her eyes at her husband and elbowed him gently. And then she lost sight of Derek. She was never going to hear the end of this.

Cora had stumbled around, still new to her full-shift, so Talia had to pay some extra attention to her. She'd hoped her brother would keep an eye on the other pups, and Peter had, until Laura and Sloan got into a fight and he had to break his nieces up before it could escalate. Derek had used the opportunity to slip away. As soon as they noticed he was gone, Talia had growled an order at her brother and sent Peter with all other pups back home so she could go and search for her son.

By the time she found Derek, he had already been found by another though. He'd gotten himself stuck under a fallen tree, whining for his mom to come save him, but a human boy had heard and reached him first. The chubby-cheeked child had carefully pulled Derek out from under the tree and then wrapped him up in a bright-red scarf before snuggling him against his chest.

"You are the cutest puppy ever," the boy declared, hugging Derek closer. "I'ma keep you."

Much to Talia's horror did Derek yelp and start licking the boy's cheek. Oh, he could be glad his big sister wasn't here, Laura would be making fun of him for the dog-behavior for weeks to come. His tail was even wagging. It was absolutely adorable, her son seemed so happy and content in the child's arms, making the little boy giggle and laugh.

"Stiles! Stiles, how often have we talked about this? Don't run off like this," Deputy Stilinski came running into the clearing. "Your mother and I got so worried when you just disappeared. Come on, let's get back to your mom… What… What do you have there, kiddo?"

The child, Stiles (what a peculiar name), turned toward his dad and proudly lifted Derek up like they were in The Lion King (Cora's current biggest obsession. Talia had seen the movie ten times this month alone). Derek hung in the child's chubby hands, tail wagging.

"Puppy!" Stiles exclaimed proudly. "I found him! Can I keep him? Please, please, please! Scotty wants a puppy too but his dad said no, because Mister McCall isn't half as cool as you! You're the cool dad, you would totally say yes! Please be cooler than Mister McCall?"

The boy hugged Derek close and gave a quivering lower lip pout, his already quite big eyes growing even larger. Talia gave a low warning growl when Derek mimicked the same expression, like he was desperate to stay close to the child. Derek's ears twitched, picking up on her growl.

"Kiddo," the deputy's voice cracked. "That is not a puppy. Please put the wolf down."

Stiles frowned, his whole face scrunching up. "No. He's mine now. Ple—ease, daddy?"

Talia gave a slightly louder growl, demanding for Derek to get away from the humans. With a small whine did Derek start wiggling until Stiles dropped him so he could run off. Stiles yelped and made to run after him, his dad catching him by the wrist and pulling him away. Derek remained at the treeline, watching the boy unwillingly stomp off through the snow, until Talia nipped him gently.

/break\

Derek learned about True Mates in New York. Well, he'd known about them since he was old enough to understand language, knew his parents were True Mates. But what it meant, what it felt like and how a wolf identified their True Mate, was something only taught to him as a teen. His parents should have taught him, but then the fire had happened… He knew, without a doubt in his mind, that the boy with the red scarf, Stiles, was his True Mate. Even then, as a teen, he still had that red scarf, years after the boy's scent had faded from it, it still brought him comfort. In the months directly after the fire, he'd sleep exclusively in his wolf-form, curled up in the scarf.

It felt ironic that the very first person Derek met when he'd returned to Beacon Hills to follow his sister had been his True Mate. By then, Derek had been too jarred by what Kate had done to him to focus on his chance of happiness (too jarred to think he deserved happiness). And even as he tried to keep his distance (denying himself the chance at happiness), he kept seeking Stiles out.

When he got shot by Kate, Stiles stayed with him the entire time. When the kanima paralyzed him at the pool, Stiles threaded water for two hours to keep him alive. Over and over again, Stiles continued just being there. Kept saving Derek's life, helping him build his pack, protect his pack. The human boy had pushed himself into Derek's life, forced his way into his heart and refused to leave again, regardless of how much Derek growled at him and pushed him around and away.

In the end, that was what made True Mates, wasn't it? The way his dad always held his mom accountable, but also supported and loved her, gave her strength and let her relax when she had spent all day with her chin raised and shoulders squared to be the Alpha of the pack. Stiles… Stiles was that for Derek. Around the boy, the Alpha could allow himself to relax, to be weak and vulnerable, because he'd learned that Stiles would never exploit it. He could rely on Stiles to call him out on his bullshit and set his head straight – Stiles had brought Boyd and Erica back, had forced Derek to become a better Alpha, to listen to his betas. Stiles was his home and his happiness.

For that reason, Derek was currently breaking into Stiles' bedroom in his wolf-form, sneaking into the boy's closet to crawl into one of the many red hoodies Stiles owned (over the past months, he had gotten at least one from every beta. He was the Little Red Riding Hoodie to their wolf pack).

It was stupid and childish of him, wasn't it? To sneak into his mate's bedroom like that. To hide in the clothes and the scent when he felt bad about himself, the way he used to as a kid. The closet door opened and Stiles stood in front of him, his bat lifted high and grim expression on his face.

"...You are not a closet monster," Stiles muttered surprised, lowering his bat. "Hey, Derek."

The teen offered a grin as he plopped down in front of the closet. "Wait. Why are you in my closet. And in my hoodie. You look adorable and I will be using this as blackmail material, you know."

Derek gave a low whine and curled together, effectively hiding his face under another hoodie. All Stiles did was stare at him. Even if Derek couldn't see it, he could feel those intense amber eyes on him. Big, bad Alpha he was, hiding under a heap of clothes from his mate. Stiles wasn't supposed to find him, Derek had meant to just sneak in for a quick nap surrounded by his mate's scent. He'd done it dozens of times already, usually when Stiles was at school or lacrosse practice. He turned to glare mildly at Stiles. The boy was supposed to be at lacrosse practice right now.

"Coach canceled practice. The drive-in theater is having a special showing of Independence Day and whatever poor other bastards will attend it, they'll all be objected to him loudly doing the speech from the back of his truck," Stiles snorted and rolled his eyes.

Derek froze, blinking surprised up at Stiles. How had he known what Derek was thinking…?

"Don't look so surprised," Stiles huffed. "Your eyebrows of doom actually translate onto your wolf. You and me have mastered the art of silent communication like months ago. Apparently, it does not matter whether you're human or wolf to do it. So, care to explain why you are breaking and entering into the sheriff's house, just to… what exactly is this?"

Stiles raised both his eyebrows and motioned at Derek, who still refused to shift back. Sitting in Stiles' closet as a wolf was embarrassing, but doing so as a naked man was a level of humiliation he was not going to object himself to. He laid down flat, legs sprawled out in front of him. Stiles took out his phone and before Derek could react did the boy take pictures.

"Blackmail material," Stiles pointed out before getting up. "Okay, if you refuse to tell me what you want, I will go and hit the shower and go to bed. Feel free to do… whatever this is."

With that, Stiles just… left the bedroom. He just left Derek in the closet, with the hoodies. Not calling him creepy or weird or kicking him out, just allowing Derek his moment of comfort.

/break\

If asked what he was doing in Derek Hale's closet, Stiles would claim it was payback. Even though that made absolutely no sense at all, but that didn't matter to Stiles. He'd found Derek in his closet a week ago and since then, the Alpha had resolutely ignored and avoided Stiles. So, Stiles was digging for answers, or something. What he found only gave him more questions. At the very back of Derek's closet, he found a red scarf. The material was faded and worn out from years of usage, but Stiles still would recognize it anywhere. It was imperfect, which was what had made it perfect, because that was a sign that his mom had knitted it with love and the attention-span that Stiles had inherited from her, meaning she'd messed up some meshes in very unique ways. Stiles blinked away tears as he remembered the first time she'd put it around him and pulled him in to kiss his nose, telling him that the most beautiful things in life were imperfect.

A lesson he had been living by so far. A lesson that had made him so invested in the Hale Pack, with their imperfect, growly, broody Alpha and the arrogant asshole betas who refused to listen. It had been a lot of work, for all of them, but in the end, they had created the perfect pack out of their imperfect, messed-up individual parts and Stiles loved them all.

"...Stiles," Derek sounded… Stiles couldn't place his tone.

That made Stiles frown. He knew Derek inside out, he could read the man by one raise of the eyebrow, knew what the tone of every growl meant, but he had no idea what to do with the way Derek had just said his name. Turning around to face the Alpha, Stiles lifted the scarf.

"I lost that as a kid," Stiles spoke softly. "Well, 'lost'. I gave it away. To a… puppy who turned out to be a wolf pup and I now suspect was actually a werewolf pup. Know anything about that?"

The Alpha blushed. Derek Hale actually blushed at that. Stiles had never seen him blush. It was the singularly cutest sight ever, and Stiles literally had a photo of a wolf wearing a red hoodie as his screen-saver. Blinking, Stiles kept staring at Derek. Waiting. The Alpha was so not getting around using his words this time, no sir. The break in had already been weird enough, but this?

"Why would you still have this," Stiles asked after a moment. "That was like twelve years ago."

"Because…" Stiles could tell by the look on Derek's face and the drawl to his voice that the Alpha was currently forcing himself to say something he didn't want to admit. "You're my mate."

That took some to sink in, but when it did, it… made perfect sense. Derek had pretty much allowed Stiles to co-lead the pack with him, he came to Stiles for every major decision, asked his feedback. The break in, the hoodies. Because Stiles' scent comforted him. Even the growling and threats made more sense, because of course did Derek Hale try to sabotage his own shot at happiness, the guy was a big ball of trauma. Slowly, Stiles stepped up to Derek to gently cup his face.

"You're allowed to be happy, Sourwolf," Stiles whispered before kissing him.

~*~ The End ~*~

Stiles: [sobbing bc he can’t save the puppy* who is going to FREEZE in the cold]

Claudia and John, who know this is absolutely NOT a dog: [trying to wrestle the pup out of Stiles’ deceptively strong three-year-old grip]

*Derek, not a puppy but a wolf cub who is admittedly tiny for his age: [head empty no thoughts, enjoying the scent and warmth of Stiles’ scarf]

Talia, watching this all go down behind a tree: [plotting how to save her son for the FIFTH TIME THIS SKI SEASON who she’s beginning to suspect doesn’t want to be saved]

[fortheloveofwonderland]

Loved By You Before | S.R

Not my gif

Summary - Spencer Reid is unequivocally in love with you and has been for ten years. The only problem is after your first marriage ended disastrously, you swore you’d never marry again. But after suffering a head injury trying to take down Everett Lynch, Spencer wakes up ten years in the past. Can he convince you not to marry to your ex? Or will life as he knows it change forever?

A/N - this was an idea @andiebeaword told me about and I was instantly obsessed and had to write it. Hope I did the idea justice! Based on a lifetime movie she watched called “Before You Say I Do”. For my “Injury” square for @cmbingo Set in s5 and 15.

Pairing - Spencer Reid / Fem! Reader

Category - fluff, angst with happy ending.

Content Warnings - References to prison, mentions of 9.23 Angels, 5.21 Exit Wounds, 5.22 The Internet is Forever, 15.9 Face Off, mentions of annulments, cheating, explosions, head injury, usual case related stuff, illusions of sex but no specifics.

Word Count - 10.7K (it got away from me a little)

Masterlist

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ten Years Ago

The glass of scotch sat untouched on the table next to the torn open envelope. The ice had long ago melted, no doubt making your drink too watered down to enjoy now anyway.

You had every intention of getting blind drunk tonight. You planned on getting drunk to the point you blacked out and hopefully awoke in the morning having completely erased the past two months from your memory.

But now you were in a bar and the scotch was in front of you, it seemed inevitable it would only make everything ten times worse.

You sighed as you ran your fingers over the front of the envelope.

Two months ago had been what was supposed to be the happiest day of your life and now you were at your absolute lowest.

How could things change so quickly? You’d had your whole life in front of you one minute and the next everything had blown up in your face.

You’d blinked and your world had turned upside down.

pYou glanced at the scotch, mentally admitting defeat on it and heaving yourself up from the chair. You slid your jacket on, pocketing the envelope and its contents.

You weren’t ready to crawl back to your friend's apartment to the couch you’d been calling home for nearly two months. Maybe you’d go for a walk. Maybe you’d find yourself in another bar staring down into another drink you wouldn’t consume.

You’d taken four steps from your table when a man appeared in front of you. You didn’t see where he’d come from, one second he wasn’t there and the next he was.

He was smiling an extremely charming smile at you. He was unequivocally attractive, dark skin, a shaved head and friendly eyes.

But if he was thinking about hitting on you, tonight was most certainly not the night.

“I’m sorry to bother you, ma’am.” His voice was deep and smooth. “My name is Derek Morgan and uh…you see, my friend over there has been staring at you for the last hour or so but he’s way too awkward to come and talk to you himself.”

You frowned, following Derek Morgan’s gaze across the bar to a small group of people.

It was obvious who he was talking about as the table he was glancing at consisted of three women, two blondes and a brunette and one very awkward looking man.

He had long, wavy hair almost down to his shoulders that framed a face made up of some of the most perfect bone structure you’d ever seen.

He was fiddling with his thumbs in a cumbersome way whilst the girls around him talked and laughed amongst themselves.

You let your eyes fall away from him and back onto the man in front of you.

“Your friend asked you to come and hit on me for him?” You gave him a skeptical look.

“Oh god no.” Derek chuckled. “He would die of embarrassment if he knew I was talking to you on his behalf. But the kid needs help sometimes.”

“Well uh…as flattered as I am, I really don’t think now is a good time.” You stuffed your hands in your pockets and subconsciously glanced back over at Derek’s group of friends.

Admittedly the man was attractive in a kind of nerdy way. His face wouldn’t be out of place on the front cover of a fashion magazine, but his clothing wouldn’t be out of place on a fifty something college professor.

This time when you looked he was looking right at you like a deer caught in headlights.

You saw him swallow before he pushed himself up to his feet.

Derek looked over his shoulder as his friend started cautiously your way. He was smiling when he turned back to face you.

“Just try and let him down easy.” He gave you a small shrug just as his friend joined you.

This was the last thing you needed tonight of all nights. Why did you even come here in the first place?

“Uh…what are you doing, Morgan?” He spoke to his friend but you heard him.

He was bouncing uncomfortably from one foot to the other, having a hard time making eye contact with you and staying close to his friend's side.

“Just making friends, pretty boy.” Derek looked from him to you. “This is Spencer Reid. Doctor Spencer Reid. And uh…I’m sorry, I didn’t catch your name?”

“Because I didn’t throw it.” You forcibly removed your hands from your pockets. “I’m sure you’re both very lovely but I’m really not in the mood for this tonight so, if you’ll excuse me.”

Before either of the men could say anymore you were weaving between them towards the door.

You pushed open the door and inhaled a lungful of fresh air as you stepped out onto the street.

Could a girl not attempt to drown her sorrows in peace? It had been longer than you could remember since the last time you’d been hit on.

Is this what your life is going to be like now? Going to bars and thwarting attempts by men to get into your pants?

You were happy. You’d had your whole life in front of you and it didn’t involve being hit on in bars. Where had it all gone so wrong?

Eventually you’d have to move on, eventually you'd have to meet someone else.

But eventually certainly wasn’t today.

Just as you were becoming consumed by your thoughts, a voice behind you snapped you back to reality.

“Uh…excuse me, Y/N?”

You spun around so fast you almost gave yourself whiplash. Spencer Reid was standing awkwardly behind you, a slightly uncomfortable half-smile on his lips.

“How do you know my name?” You frowned at him.

He gave you a small shrug before holding his arm out towards you. In his hand was your ripped open envelope that brandished your name on the front.

“I think you dropped this.”

You took it from him before stuffing it back in your pocket. It must have fallen out when you’d taken your hands out of your pockets.

“Oh, thanks.”

“I’m really sorry about Morgan. I didn’t ask him to come and talk to you. I feel a little embarrassed.” He scuffed the toe of his worn converse on the pavement.

“It’s ok. I’m sorry if I was brash. It’s really not a good day.” You confessed.

“Anything you’d like to talk about? I know we don’t know each other but I’m a pretty good listener.” He shrugged again.

You chewed on your lip wondering why you were even contemplating telling him. But he had kind eyes and for whatever reason he seemed genuinely concerned about you, a complete stranger.

You pulled the letter back out of your pocket and toyed with it in your hands.

“I was married for thirty seven days. This letter came today to tell me short lived marriage is officially annulled. I never imagined this would be my life. When I got married it was supposed to be forever.” You had no idea what prompted you to be so honest and judging by the look on Spencer’s face he was just as surprised as you were.

“Oh gosh.” He sighed. “I really am sorry about Morgan then. The last thing you needed was for-“

“It’s ok.” You cut him off with a smile. “My ex…he uh…he slept with my maid of honour just before the ceremony. I wish I’d found out before I said I do, but things happen. Sometimes good things fall apart to make way for better things.”

“When one door closes another door opens.” Spencer smiled softly at you.

“Exactly.” You agreed. “I uh…I was going to take a walk but I wouldn’t mind some company.”

Spencer’s face lit up and a large smile pulled at the corners of his mouth.

“R-really?”

“Sure, why not?” You shrugged. “Misery loves company.”

Spencer nodded at you and the two of you fell into step quickly as you walked down the street.

Spencer put you at ease in a way you’d never felt before around a stranger. You fell into companionable conversation with ease, as though you’d known each other a lifetime.

And by the time the two of you parted ways later that night, you found yourself wondering if Spencer Reid could be your open door.

***

Present Day

Admittedly, buying the ring in the first place had been a foolish move. Keeping it for six years and expecting you not to find it had been damn near moronic.

He watched you from where you sat on the bed, ring box in your open palm. You looked at him through sad yet slightly frustrated eyes.

Spencer leant against the door jamb, chewing on his lip.

“Spencer,” you sighed, snapping the ring box closed. “Spencer…why do you have this?”

“I think it’s pretty obvious.” He shrugged limply.

You sighed again and put the box on the nightstand before standing up.

“I thought you understood.”

“I do.” He pushed himself away from the door and stepped closer to you. “I do understand, Y/N. I bought it a long time ago and I guess I just hoped…”

When he reached you, you placed your hands on his shoulders.

“It’s been ten years, Spence. You know I don’t ever want to get married again.”

“I know.” He nodded sadly. “I hoped you’d change your mind, I guess.” He stepped backwards out of your touch.

When you’d met Spencer, your first marriage was fresh being annulled and you most certainly hadn’t been looking to jump back into anything after your ex broke your heart.

But Spencer had made you forget about all the hurt your brief marriage had caused you and somehow the two of you had naturally fallen into a relationship. Ten years later you had a home and a life together.

You’d made it clear from the start that you didn’t want to get married again. Your ex had hurt you so monumentally that you were adamantly against ever getting married again. Spencer understood, at least he’d told you he had.

After ten years, you thought the two of you had enough. You didn’t need to get married to prove you loved each other, did you?

You should have known that Spencer would always want more.

“Spence, you know I love you more than anything. But I can’t give you that. I thought you got that? I can’t keep going over this time and time again.”

“I know.” He stepped closer to you again and cupped your face in his hands. “And I’m sorry. I’ll sell the ring. It was dumb. I love you, Y/N. You’re all I need.”

But that wasn’t true. Spencer wanted to marry you more than anything else in the world. He knew after all this time neither one of you were going anywhere but in his mind marriage was the ultimate goal of a relationship.

He counted his lucky stars everyday that despite everything the two of you had ended up together, but sometimes it wasn’t enough for him.

You curled yourself into him, resting your head on his chest and he wrapped you in his arms. You hated your ex for ruining your belief in marriage and you wished you could give Spencer everything he wanted.

But when you’d found out two days after saying I do that your new husband had slept with your maid of honour minutes before the ceremony, you couldn’t help but look at marriage as a bit of a joke.

Maybe the problem was you never let yourself really grieve that relationship. You’d thrown all your energy and all your love into your new friend Spencer without taking time to just breathe.

That’s not to say you regretted that decision. Spencer was the best thing that had ever happened to you, the timing had just been a little off. But you can’t help who you fall in love with, or when, even when it happens right at the end of a marriage.

Spencer held you for a while, both lost in your own thoughts. Eventually you were pulled back around by the sound of Spencer’s phone ringing.

He placed a gentle kiss on your head before stepping back to answer the call.

You heard enough of his side of the conversation to know it was work and he would be going away for a case.

At first you’d hated Spencer leaving. You’d spent so much of your life with your ex and then you jumped straight into a relationship with Spencer so you’d never really been alone.

Days he spent away felt like weeks, sometimes months. But as time went on you got used to it and the two of you just made the most of the time you did spend together.

Recently, and you’d never admit this out loud, you almost felt relief when he was called away.

He hung up the phone and slid the device back in his pocket.

“I’ve got to go.” He sighed. “We might have located Everett Lynch.”

The heaviness to his tone combined with that name sent a shiver up your spine. Everett Lynch had been one step ahead of the BAU for sometime now and you knew how many sleepless nights Spencer had because of it.

You watched as he hurriedly located his shoes and satchel and you followed him to the front door of your apartment.

“Come home safe.” You got up on your tiptoes to kiss him.

“I always do, don’t I?” He smiled but you saw the fear behind it.

“I love you.” You gave his tie a small tug.

“I love you too.” He said before he was opening the door and leaving.

And if you weren’t mistaken, the way he told you he loved you didn’t sound as genuine as usual.

***

Spencer was away in Reno, Nevada for four days. On the fourth day you’d received a phone call from JJ filling you in on what had happened.

Spencer had led the charge to raid Lynch’s home. As the agents started to swarm the house, JJ had suddenly realised they were walking into a trap. But she was just a second late on that realisation and Lynch set off a gas explosion.

You’d panicked as JJ told you Spencer was injured in the blast but she’d been quick to tell you he was ok and on route home.

He’d called you himself before they got on the jet and assured you he was fine, he just had a couple of scrapes and bruises but he was otherwise unharmed.

It was late when he finally arrived home, tossing his satchel and jacket on the floor and kicking off his shoes.

His head hurt but he was sure a good night's sleep would cure that.

He quietly crept to the bedroom, not wanting to disturb you, and stripped down to his boxers. He crawled into bed and placed a soft kiss on the side of your face before flopping back to the pillows.

His eyes were heavy and his body ached. It had been a long few days. But he was finally home where he belonged.

As he reached to shut off the lamp you’d left on for him, he noticed the ring box still sitting on the nightstand.

He tried not to think about how much it hurt that you didn’t want to marry him and focus on sleep.

That was a problem for another day.

***

Spencer’s alarm startled him awake the next morning. He blindly reached out a hand and started slapping it on the nightstand until he found the offending item and hit the button to shut off the wretched noise.

He rubbed his eyes and reached across the bed for your sleeping form only to be met with cold sheets.

He blinked a few times to adjust his eyes as he stared at your empty side of the bed.

It wasn’t like you to get up earlier than him and the fact that your side of the bed was cold was really disconcerting.

He sat up and swung his legs out of the bed, quickly exiting the room in search of you.

“Y/N?” He called out, scratching the back of his head. “Y/N?”

He passed across the living room towards the kitchen but it was empty and he found the bathroom empty too.

The panic set in quickly, it wasn’t like you to disappear without telling him. His heart was hammering hard against his rib cage as he ran back through to the bedroom and picked up his phone.

He brought up his recent call list of which you were usually at the top of. But your name didn’t appear on the list. His last five calls had been to JJ, Hotch, Garcia, JJ again and most oddly, Morgan.

Spencer’s brows furrowed. He hadn’t spoken to Morgan in at least six months, probably longer. In fact it had been even longer than that since he last spoke to Hotch. Why would they be on his recent call list?

Pushing past it, he brought up his contact list instead and scrolled down until he got to where your name should have been.

He scrolled through the relatively short list a few times but your name wasn’t on there.

His brows were furrowed so deeply at this point he was inducing a headache. He knew your number off the top of his head anyway so he dialled it.

After a few seconds of silence he was met with an automated voice.

“The number you dialled has not been recognised.”

“What the fuck?” He checked the number, he was one hundred percent sure that was your number. He had an eidetic memory for Christ sake.

But just then, something else hit him.

Running back into his living room, he couldn’t believe he hadn’t noticed it before.

You’d moved into Spencer’s apartment just a few months after you started dating. You’d been looking for your own place after moving out of your home you’d shared with your ex husband but Spencer had insisted you move in with him. At first it had been out of convenience but soon you’d both realised you couldn’t bear the thought of being apart so you’d stayed.

You’d bought new furniture together and redecorated his apartment to accommodate both your tastes.

You’d replaced his dark leather couch with a more comfortable, larger couch with plush cushions. Ten years ago he and Morgan had gotten rid of that couch.

So why was that same dark leather couch now sitting back in his living room?

You'd hooked a TV up onto the wall but that was nowhere to be seen. The photographs you’d adorned on the walls were no longer there either.

His bookshelf was full of his old first editions and forensic textbooks, all your novels were gone as though they’d never been there to begin with.

The walls you’d painted together had reverted back to the colour they’d been when he lived alone.

Back in the bedroom his old worn carpet was present instead of the new one you’d laid together. His closet was full of only his clothes.

The ring box that had been sitting on the nightstand last night was gone.

Spencer’s head was pounding. What was going on? It was as though you’d never lived here.

Just then his cellphone startled him and he picked it up, answering frantically in the hopes it was you.

“Y/N?”

“Who?” Garcia’s voice came down the line. “Never mind, we don’t have time, Junior G-Man. Hotch needs us.”

“Hotch?” Spencer started to pace. “You mean Emily?”

There was a moment of silent confusion before Garcia spoke again.

“Uhm no. I mean Hotch. Is everything ok, boy wonder?”

The simple answer to that was, no, everything was most certainly not ok.

“Garcia I hit my head in the explosion yesterday and now my apartment is completely different, I can’t find Y/N and you’re telling me Hotch is still our Unit Chief?”

“Explosion? There was an explosion? Are you ok?” Garica panicked.

“The explosion at Everett Lynch’s.”

What the hell is going on?

“Who’s Everett Lynch? Is he ok? Are you ok? Should I tell Hotch you won’t be in today?”

“What? No. I’ll be…” Spencer trailed off. “Actually yes, I think I need to rest. Something weird is going on.”

“Ok, you rest that big giant brain and I’ll let Hotch know.”

“Thanks.” Spencer’s head was pounding. “Garcia, one more thing…”

“Yes Reid?”

He chewed his lip and sighed.

“What’s the date today?”

“March fifth.”

“What year is it?”

Garcia was silent again for a moment, clearly just as confused as Spencer was.

“It’s twenty eleven, Spencer.”

Spencer’s whole body went rigid. He clenched and unclenched his jaw a few times before saying goodbye to Garcia and hanging up the phone.

He dropped the device to the bed and stared at the adjacent wall.

March fifth twenty eleven.

He met you on August ninth twenty eleven, ten years ago. So what did that mean? He’d hit his head and now he’d woken up ten years in the past.

Was he dead? Had the explosion actually killed him? Or was he lying unconscious somewhere while his brain bled and this was some kind of sick dying dream?

The problem was, it felt all too real. Spencer often had extremely vivid dreams but he always knew when he was dreaming. This felt different.

He forced himself up from the bed and through to the bathroom to the mirror. Looking back at him in his reflection wasn’t the thirty eight year old version of himself he’d seen in the mirror before he’d gone to bed last night.

His hair was longer. The laugh lines and wrinkles he’d collected over the years weren’t yet apparent on his face. His eyes didn’t hold the look of a man who spent three months in prison. He was skinnier, the paunch that had developed on his stomach as he’d gotten older was gone. The scar on his neck where’d taken a bullet for Alex Blake had vanished.

“Who are you?” He whispered to his much younger self looking back at him as though his reflection held the answers.

What the fuck was happening?

He looked away from the mirror and raced back to the bedroom for his phone. He shot off a quick text to Garcia telling her he would be at work after all.

He couldn’t sit here all day. He needed to figure this out.

He showered and dressed as quickly as possible and high tailed it to Quantico.

The team had already gathered in the round table room when he arrived.

Morgan gave him a smile as he entered and Hotch looked frustrated by his lateness.

Where were Tara, Luke and Matt? Why were Emily and Garcia sitting with the rest of the team and why was JJ presenting the case?

“Glad you could join us, Reid.” Hotch spoke as Spencer slid into the free chair.

It was like he’d entered the twilight zone.

The last time he’d been in this room they’d been discussing Everett Lynch’s search for his father and Roberta Lynch’s parole.

But now Garcia didn’t know who Everett Lynch was. And he bet the rest of the team wouldn’t either.

“There have been three murders in the last week in Franklin, Alaska. It’s a small fishing town with a population of just one thousand five hundred. These are the first murders to ever occur in this town.” JJ started.

Spencer looked down at the case file in front of him, cogs turning.

“Owen Porter.” He muttered to himself, remembering working on this case.

“What was that pretty boy?” Morgan asked him, causing everyone to look at him.

“Nothing.” He shook his head. “Carry on.”

Spencer zoned out what JJ was saying. He already knew it all anyway. He also knew that Garcia would accompany them to Franklin, and he knew Owen Porter was their unsub.

Because it was two thousand and eleven. JJ was still their team's communication liaison and Hotch was still their unit chief. Tara Lewis was still a forensic psychologist, Luke Alvez was probably still with the fugitive task force or maybe he was even in Iraq with the Rangers and Matt Simmons probably wasn’t yet a father and still worked for the IRT.

Everett Lynch hadn’t started his killing spree yet and he hadn’t met you yet and wouldn’t for months.

It was twenty eleven and he was twenty eight years old and hadn’t been shot in the neck or put in prison or fallen in love yet.

So what did that mean? What was going on? Had he dreamed ten years of his life or was this a dream? Or was he trapped in some kind of strange alternate reality?

He guessed he’d have to try and figure it out from Alaska.

***

As Spencer predicted, Owen Porter had been their unsub which meant he had lived this before.

He tried to lay out the facts on the jet back home from Alaska three days later.

There had been an explosion and he’d hit his head, so the logical theory was that he was unconscious somewhere, brain bleeding and his dying mind had taken him back to twenty eleven.

But why?

The only answer he could come up with was that it had to do with you and the conversation you’d had before he’d gone to Nevada and been involved in the explosion.

It was five months before he’d even met you that night at the bar. It was three months before your first wedding.

Maybe he was supposed to find you and convince you that the man you were going to marry was a jerk and a cheat before it was too late? Maybe he had a chance here to rewrite history. If he managed to talk you out of getting married the first time, maybe you wouldn’t be so against marrying him later.

Whatever was going on, his mission became clear. He needed to track you down and convince you not to get married.

He remembered every detail about you so finding you wouldn’t be difficult. The hard part would be how a complete stranger to you would be able to talk you out of marrying the man you thought was the love of your life.

Maybe you were in the same boat as him, maybe you woke up to this strange alternate universe where it was suddenly ten years in the past and you were searching for him too?

If that was the case, that would make this whole thing a lot easier.

The following day he headed to your work. In twenty eleven you were working at a local paper writing puff pieces for them that rarely went to print.

Spencer had declared his love for you in that paper. He’d called up and placed an ad in the paper you worked for telling you he loved you. He could never forget that paper even if he didn’t have an eidetic memory.

He’d visited you at your office on multiple occasions so he knew exactly where to go.

He was nervous as he approached the building, having no idea what to expect. He hadn’t even rehearsed what he might say when he saw you.

He knew he couldn’t say too much, not that he knew too much. But what he did know would have you thinking he was insane. He couldn’t very well go up to you and say -

“Hi I’m Spencer and you don’t know me but in a few months we’re going to meet and fall in love and ten years later we’ll still be going strong. Apart from the fact you’re terrified of getting married again after your asshole first husband cheats on you with your maid of honour.”

He supposed he’d have to start from the beginning. He’d have to charm you somehow, he’d done it before although he had no idea how. It might be harder this time around while you’re still happy and in love with your soon to be husband.

He bypassed your office just as he reached the door, needing more time. This was all crazier than he could comprehend.

He knew you always used to spend your lunch breaks in the nearby cafe so he decided he would wait for you there.

It was still early in the morning so Spencer had a long wait ahead of him but at least it would give him a chance to figure out the perfect way to approach you.

He’d consumed several coffees and a few slices of pie by the time lunchtime rolled around.

When you walked in it felt as though the world momentarily stood still on its axis. He felt the same flutter in his chest as the first time he laid eyes on you.

He watched from his table as you ordered at the counter and his luck was in when you settled into the table right next to his.

You pulled a book out of your bag and started reading between bites of your sandwich.

For a while, Spencer got lost in just watching you. He used to watch you read all the time. He loved the way your brow creased when you were really concentrating and how every now and again you would lightly chew your bottom lip. He always noticed when you were excited by what you’d read because your eyes would widen ever so slightly.

Somewhere over the years, he’d stopped taking time to just watch you. Maybe after so long together he took those things for granted.

But waking up in a world where the two of you weren’t together made Spencer take note of every little detail about you.

A gut wrenching thought hit him at that moment. What if him inserting himself into your life too soon rewrote history, what if this ruined everything and the two of you never ended up together?

Spencer needed to think this through some more. He could end up changing everything if he wasn’t careful. If he somehow manipulated it that the two of you didn’t end up together, that’s not a future Spencer wanted to live in.

He picked up his satchel from the floor and went to push his chair back but when he looked back up, you were now looking right at him with a soft smile.

That smile always had a way of paralysing him. He froze, staring back at you like a deer in headlights. Before he knew what was happening you had stood up from your table, bringing your book and coffee with you towards him.

Spencer’s heart was hammering so loudly in his chest he could barely hear anything over the sound. He only just registered what you said when you sidled up to his table.

“I’m sorry, this is going to sound really odd but…you look so familiar. Have we met?” A soft frown graced your features but your lip tugged up at the corner in a smile.

Have we met, the single most soul destroying sentence Spencer had ever heard.

He wanted to cry. He wanted to scream.

Not only have we met but we’ve fallen in love. We spent the next ten years together building a home, a future. I know all your deepest, darkest secrets and you know mine. I comforted you when your dad died and you were with me every step of the way when I was in prison. I know you inside and out, better than anybody. We’ve more than met, we’ve made a lifetime of memories in ten years. You are the love of my life and I am yours. Have we met? We’ve done so much more than that.

But of course, Spencer didn’t say any of that. Instead, he composed himself, gave you the best smile he could muster and he lied.

“Uh…I don’t think so.”

“You have such a familiar face.” You scrutinised him.

“I guess I just have a generic face. I probably look just like a hundred other guys you’ve seen.” He tried not to sound too self-deprecating.

Spencer noticed a glint in your eye, one he knew was of amusement.

“I don’t think it’s that at all.” You laughed lightly. “Do you mind if I join you?”

“Not at all.” He was eager to say.

You slid into the seat opposite him, placing your book and coffee and on the table.

“I’m Y/N. Y/N Y/L/N.”

“Spencer. Reid.” Spencer tried to not stare at your engagement ring. It made him feel uncomfortable.

Your eyes narrowed on him.

“Are you sure we haven’t met? Your face and your name…it’s so familiar.”

Spencer swallowed and tried to come up with some kind of lie because the truth would sound insane.

“Uh…I come here a lot. Maybe you’ve seen me here before? You might have heard them call my name or something?”

“I come here everyday.” You shrugged. “I work just around the corner at the Chronicle so maybe I have seen you here before.” You conceded.

“Uh…what do you do at the Chronicle?” Spencer found it profoundly strange asking you questions he already knew the answers to. But he had to pretend he knew nothing about you.

“I write those stupid little puff pieces. Cat stuck in a tree and rescued safely. Little kid lost their stuffed bear in a park. That kind of stuff. They don’t publish a lot of my writing, but it’s a stepping stone, you know?”

“I see big things coming for you.” Spencer sipped his coffee.

He wanted so badly to tell you that in ten years time you’d be editor of that paper and you’d turned the whole publication around. With you in charge the Chronicle would go from hamster cage lining to a serious journalistic paper.

“You don’t even know me.” You laughed, and Spencer saw the soft blush that spread to your cheeks.

“No, but I’m rarely wrong about these kinds of things.”

“What are you, some kind of psychic?”

“I’m actually an FBI Agent. I work for the Behavioural Analysis Unit. I guess I-“ Spencer was cut off by the sound of your phone ringing.

You pulled the device from your pocket and he saw your face light up.

“I’m sorry, excuse me for a moment.” You pushed yourself up from the chair and walked away from the table.

He watched you smile in delight as you answered the phone.

His heart plummeted. He knew exactly who you were talking to and it broke his heart.

You were on the phone a few minutes and when you rejoined him, Spencer tried his best to plaster on a smile.

“Sorry, that was my fiancé Kyle.” You downed the rest of your coffee. “I really need to head back to the office but it was nice to meet you, Spencer.”

“Yeah, you too Y/N.” He chewed his lip.

“Maybe I’ll see you here again sometime?” You stood up once more, grabbing your book.

“I hope so.” He smiled before watching you walk away.

Spencer felt like a vice was tightening around his heart.

He’d never known you when you were with your ex and all he knew was the heartbreak he’d caused you. It had never even crossed his mind that the two of you had been happy together.

You looked as though you were floating when you talked to him on the phone and Spencer couldn’t help but think he wasn’t sure you’d ever been that happy with him.

He left the cafe and decided to spend the rest of his day off at home wallowing. With any luck he might wake up in the morning and everything would be back to normal.

But would he ever shake the look on your face when you’d talked to Kyle?

When he got home he hauled himself up in his office with a stack of books. It was getting late when he opened up his bottom drawer to see if his old journal was inside.

He found it exactly where he used to keep it ten years ago. Since meeting you and discovering happiness, he’d stopped keeping a journal.

He opened it up to the next blank page and was confused to find a small scrap of paper folded inside.

He found his hands were trembling a little as he picked it up, as though he already knew what it was.

It was a page from the Chronicle dated nearly six months from now. It was from the personal ads page.

Spencer felt tears welling in his eyes as he read over the short paragraph in his head several times.

“Y/N Y/L/N, every moment since we met has been a dream come true. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me and I need you to know that I am utterly, head over heels in love with you. All my love, S.R.”

How on Earth did this get here? It was March twenty eleven and he hadn’t written that ad until August that year.

Spencer was already so confused about what was happening, now he was positively bewildered.

He needed to sleep this off and hope that tomorrow everything would be back to normal.

He tucked the scrap of newspaper into his satchel on his way to his bedroom.

The bed felt too big and too empty without you.

What was he going to do if he was stuck here? What became of him and you if this was his life now?

Spencer didn’t know how long he cried for before he finally fell asleep.

He dreamt of you and the future he might not get to have with you.

***

When he was woken by a call from JJ informing him that Hotch needed him and finding himself alone in bed, it was instantly clear he was still stuck in this hellish time loop.

Yet again it was a case he’d worked before. It took them to Boise, Idaho to investigate the disappearance of three women all targeted via social networking sites.

Spencer wished he had more to occupy his mind. But he memorised every case they’d ever worked on so reliving it was extremely monotonous.

It left him too much time to think about you and how he’d found himself in this situation.

It was another week until he had another day off and was able to make the trip across town to the cafe you frequented.

Just after twelve you arrived and smiled softly at him when you spotted him. It wasn’t the same way your whole face used to light up when you saw him. It hurt, it hurt more than anything else in the world.

Because you weren’t in love with him. And maybe you never would be again.

You placed your order at the counter and joined Spencer at his table.

“Hi again.” You toyed with the back of the chair. “Want some company?”

“Please,” he motioned for you to sit down, which you did.

You fell into easy conversation about the book you were reading and about your jobs and other things Spencer already knew about you.

And after lunch you left again, leaving Spencer with a heavy heart once more.

The two of you continued this routine whenever Spencer’s hectic schedule allowed. You were becoming friends, had even exchanged numbers but it wasn’t the same. It wasn’t right.

A few times your fiancé had come up in conversation and Spencer had to sit and listen while you gushed over him and your upcoming wedding.

How was he supposed to broach the subject of him being a jerk and a cheater? How could he just explain that away without ever having met the guy?

After several weeks, he saw his advantage.

“I was telling Kyle about you.” You spoke between bites of your turkey melt.

“Oh?” Spencer tried to hide his annoyance hearing his name.

“He wants to meet you. Would that be weird?”

“Why would that be weird?”

“I don’t know.” You shrugged. “Well, if you aren’t doing anything tomorrow night there’s this little bar in the district called Paddy’s, have you heard of it?”

The vice around Spencer’s heart tightened. He hadn’t just heard of it, he’d been there.

Ten years ago Spencer had been on a night out with the team, sans Rossi and Hotch, at Paddy��s when he spotted the most beautiful woman he’d ever laid eyes on. Morgan had tried hitting on her on Spencer’s behalf. When she’d left she’d dropped a torn open envelope on the floor and he’d gone after her to give it back.

Paddy’s was the bar where the two of you had met.

“Uh yeah, I know it.”

“Cool.” You smiled, pushing your seat back. “I better get back, but I’ll see tomorrow around seven?”

“Can’t wait.” Spencer smiled at you.

You gave him a wave and then you were leaving.

As much as Spencer didn’t want to meet your fiancé, it could be a good way for him to try and get to know him, maybe even weasel information out of him.

If Kyle were to drunkenly admit that he was hooking up with someone behind your back, he’d be obligated to tell you, right?

At the very least maybe he could make something up to incriminate him.

Spencer finished his coffee before leaving the cafe and heading to the metro station for the long ride home.

***

Spencer was early as he usually was. He changed his outfit four times, not wanting to look too much like a teacher's assistant for a change.

He’d finally settled on a dark shirt and slacks. No tie. No sweater vest. No cardigan.

In his head Kyle was the epitome of masculine energy. He pictured him to be tall, well built and intimidating in every sense of the word. He imagined a pretty boy lacking in brains.

But Kyle was none of those things.

It made sense, given your attraction to Spencer that the way he pictured Kyle wouldn’t be your type. When you introduced Kyle, it was clear to Spencer you had a very specific type.

Kyle was tall yet slim. He dressed very similarly to how Spencer usually did, sweater vest and all. He wore thick rimmed glasses and had slightly overgrown dark hair.

In a matter of hours Spencer learnt the similarities between him and Kyle went deeper than just looks.

Kyle was a TA at a local college, hoping to become a lecturer. He had an IQ of one hundred and sixty two, not quite as high as Spencer’s but he was still a provable genius. He had one PhD to Spencer’s three, in mathematics.

In his spare time Kyle enjoyed playing chess and frequenting bookstores.

If Spencer had thought he was in the twilight zone before, he knew he was now. This was all too strange for words.

He wanted to hate this man, but he was making that really difficult for Spencer.

You excused yourself to use the bathroom leaving Spencer and Kyle alone. If Spencer was going to get anything out of this man it would be now.

“So uh…Y/N tells me you're getting married in June?”

“Yeah, I can’t wait.” Kyle beamed and if Spencer didn’t know any better he would think Kyle was actually a good guy.

“It’s only a few months away, have you had any cold feet? One woman for the rest of your life, kind of scary right?”

Kyle chewed his lip and looked over his shoulder briefly before looking back at Spencer.

“Can I trust you?” He whispered.

Yes, this is it! This is what I’ve been waiting for!

“Of course.” Spencer forced his expression to stay neutral.

“I have had cold feet. But only briefly. Y/N’s best friend has tried hitting on me a few times and I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t considered it.” He adjusted his glasses. “But I love Y/N. I want to spend the rest of my life with her. Ruining that isn’t worth one night of fun.”

Spencer looked into Kyle’s eyes as he spoke. In Spencer’s line of work he’d learnt to tell when someone was lying. People always had a tell.

Spencer was certain, beyond a shadow a doubt that Kyle was not lying.

Maybe this time around Kyle really wouldn’t cheat on you and the two of you would be happy together.

“Good for you, man.” Spencer smiled at him as he stood from the table. “I have to be up early so I’m going to call it a night. It was great to meet you, tell Y/N I’ll see her around.”

“Oh…good to meet you too.” Kyle smiled up at him, a little confused by Spencer’s sudden decision to leave.

Without another word, Spencer hurried to the exit and out onto the street just as his first tear fell.

Spencer loved you with all of his heart and soul. You were undoubtedly the one great love of his life. But you didn’t love him, not in this universe anyway. Right here and now you were madly in love with Kyle and the two of you had a chance to be happy together.

So no matter how much Spencer loved you, if it meant you wouldn’t have to deal with the kind of heartbreak Kyle had caused you again, the decision to walk away was an easy one for him.

It hurt, it hurt so much Spencer thought his chest might explode. But he would do anything for you. Even if it meant giving up his own happiness for yours.

Spencer didn’t know what was going to happen next. Maybe he was stuck in this timeline and would have to live out the next ten years of his life over without you. Maybe he’d wake up tomorrow or next week back in twenty twenty one. He had no idea.

But what he did know was that he had to let you go. If the two of you were meant to be, maybe you’d find your way back to each other someday. But he couldn’t in good conscience aid in breaking you and Kyle up.

He hoped he was right in trusting Kyle, the look in the other man’s eyes had told Spencer he’d never do anything to hurt you. Hopefully this time the two of you would live a long happy life together while Spencer spent the rest of his life pining over you.

***

Weeks rolled on and Spencer stopped going by the cafe on his days off. He was starting to wonder if he was ever going to get back to his normal life, it was feeling as though he was stuck here, forced to live the next ten years of his life over again.

The cases the BAU dealt with were all as he remembered, as were the conversations he had with the team. It felt like a really tedious Groundhog Day.

He didn’t know what he was supposed to do without you. You’d been together so long and every day that passed without you hurt more than the last.

Thinking of you with him, planning your wedding to him, shattered Spencer’s heart into so many pieces it was unrecognisable.

Eventually weeks turned into months and June reared its ugly head Spencer felt his world crumbling around him as your wedding day loomed.

***

He’d spent all day on the couch. He didn’t shower. He didn’t dress, aside from throwing his old robe over the flannel pajama pants and t-shirt he wore to bed.

He drank a lot of chamomile tea hoping it would calm him but it didn’t. The only times he strayed from the couch was to get another mug or use the bathroom.

The tears came at random intervals. Spencer wasn’t sure he’d ever cried this much in his life. He felt pathetic if truth be told. Maybe he should be out there fighting for you? Maybe he should tell you the truth before it was too late?

Was this kind of misery really worth letting you be happy with someone else?

Sadly the answer to that was yes.

Spencer watched the sun setting from his place on the couch through the window. He didn’t know where the day had gone, it had been a complete blur.

He forced himself up for one last cup of tea, padding through the living room with what small amount of energy he had left in him.

As he reached the kitchen, there was a knock at his front door.

He rolled his eyes. It was most likely JJ checking up on him because he hadn’t answered any of her calls or texts today. He really didn’t have it in him to try and convince her he was ok, but he knew her well enough to know she wouldn’t leave easily.

The knock came again and Spencer sighed as he headed to the door. His disheveled appearance wouldn’t help in convincing her he was ok but hopefully she’d believe he was sick.

But when he opened the door, it wasn’t JJ standing there.

You looked almost as much of a mess as he did in your wrinkled clothes and tangled hair. Your eyes were large and confused as you looked at him as though he might have answers to questions you hadn’t even asked.

“Y/N,” he frowned. “Uh..what are you…how do you know where I live?”

“I uh…I went to your office.” You confessed. “Your friend Penelope told me where I’d find you.”

“W-why?” He swallowed.

“I don’t know Spencer. I just needed to see you.”

For a moment the two of you just stared at each other in silence before Spencer stepped aside and allowed you to enter his apartment.

If truth be told you weren’t even sure why you were here. But you’d had this inexplicable feeling in your gut that Spencer was meant to be a bigger part of your life than he had been.

Things felt unfinished. You hadn’t been able to shake it. So you had to find him. You had to see him one more time to know for sure what it was you were feeling.

“I’m sorry, the place is a mess. I wasn’t expecting company.” Spencer wrapped his robe tighter around his body.

“Spencer this is going to sound crazy,” you stepped closer to him, but not too close. “When I saw you that first time in the cafe, I knew it wasn’t the first time. I’m certain I know you from somewhere. And the more I think about it, the more I can recall information about you that I don’t think you ever told me.”

Spencer swallowed again.

“Like what?”

“Your mother. She’s sick isn’t she? Schizophrenia?”

“Yes.” Spencer nodded. He hadn’t told you that. He wouldn’t tell you that for at least another year because he was embarrassed to tell you.

“And I keep recalling this story about you being tied to a flagpole? Did you tell me that? Because I don’t think you did.”

“No I didn’t. But it did happen.”

“What is going on Spencer? I feel drawn to you in a way I’ve never felt drawn to anyone before and I don’t know why. And I…I…” you started looking around the room, a frown on your face. “I’ve been here before.”

Spencer ran his fingers through his messy hair with a sigh.

“Yes you have. In fact, you lived here. With me.”

Your eyes were wide with confusion as you looked back at him. Spencer didn’t know how he was going to explain this.

He turned his back on you briefly and fished in his satchel. When he turned back to you he was holding a scrap of paper towards you.

“What’s that?”

“Just look at it.” Spencer held it in his open palm until you skeptically picked it up.

With a shaky breath you unfolded the paper and Spencer heard you gasp as you started to read it, tears instantly springing behind your eyes.

The ad was dated August twenty ninth two thousand and eleven which was more than two months from now.

But the words contained in the ad made your tears start to cascade.

“Y/N Y/L/N, every moment since we met has been a dream come true. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me and I need you to know that I am utterly, head over heels in love with you. All my love, S.R.”

“How do you have this?” You back at him.

“If I tell you you’re going to think I’m crazy.”

“This whole thing is crazy, Spencer. Tell me how you have this.”

Spencer sighed and motioned for you to come and sit on the couch. Once seated he took hold of one of your hands. He noticed your engagement ring was gone and he didn’t know what that meant.

“I was in an accident. I was leading a raid on a suspect's home when there was an explosion. I hit my head but I thought I was fine. And then I woke up and my whole life had changed.”

“What does that have to do with this?” You waved the scrap of paper.

“The accident…it happened in two thousand and twenty one.” He spoke and waited for his words to sink in before he continued. “I originally met you in August twenty eleven. We met in a bar after your marriage to Kyle had been annulled.”

You frowned deeply at him, tears still spilling from your eyes.

“What are you talking about?” You snatched your hand away from him.

“He…he cheats on you on your wedding day and you found out. You get annulled and we meet. And we fall in love, Y/N. We spend the next ten years together, you move in here with me. But you never want to get married again because of what happened with him. And that destroys me bit by bit because from the second I met you, all I ever wanted to do was make you my wife.”

You suddenly stood up and started pacing the room.

“This is the craziest thing I’ve ever heard.” You sounded exasperated. “You’re telling me you like, travelled back in time or something?”

“I don’t know. I have no more idea what is going on than you do. I’m half convinced I’m laying somewhere passed out with a brain bleed and this is all some kind of fever dream.”

“I’m fairly certain this isn’t a dream.” You shook your head and stopped pacing to look at him. “But it can’t be reality either, right?”

“I wish I had the answers Y/N, I really do.” He stood up and came closer to you, placing his hands on the side of your face.

You closed your eyes at his touch and images of the two of you flashed before your eyes. Images of things that hadn’t happened.

Your eyes shot back open and you looked up at Spencer. You cautiously placed your hands on his hips, feeling the way his body curved beneath his clothes.

And the feeling was so familiar.

“Spencer?” You whispered.

“Yes, Y/N?”

“I need you to…” you swallowed. “Kiss me, Spencer. I need you to-“

You were cut off by Spencer’s lips clashing against your own. He didn’t need to be told twice.

You succumbed to him completely. His lips on yours and the way he held you was all too familiar.

Images clouded your brain as he kissed you. Looking at him across a crowded bar. Holding his hand as you strolled through a park. Cuddled up on the couch as you both read.

Boxes full of your belongings stacked in this very living room. Kissing him goodbye when he left for a case and throwing yourself into his arms when he returned safely.

Reading the ads in the Chronicle and seeing Spencer’s declaration of love.

Goodbye kisses. Hello kisses. Good morning kisses. Shower kisses. Coffee shop kisses. Bookstore kisses. Kisses that led to the bedroom and the removal of clothing, just like this one now.

You didn’t realise you’d let Spencer lead you to the bedroom until the kiss broke and you were both panting.

“You’re not wearing your ring.” Spencer took hold of your empty hand.

“No.” You breathed.

“What does that mean? Because I want you so badly, Y/N. But I can’t in good conscience-“ he was cut off when you placed your finger to his lips.

“I called off the wedding.” You smiled softly at him. “About two weeks ago. I don’t know what I believe about this whole situation Spencer but I do know that I am drawn to you for whatever reason. And I can’t marry Kyle when I have feelings for someone else. I don’t know if it’s because we’ve been here before or not. But there is something so familiar about you that I can’t shake. When I look at you, I can’t help but feel like I’ve been loved by you before.”

“I feel as though I’ve always loved you, Y/N. And I can promise you that in any reality, any alternate universe, I will find you so I can love you again.”

Your tears fell even heavier as you kissed him again. You fell to the bed together, clothes becoming fewer until they were just a distant memory.

Somewhere during the act Spencer found tears falling from his eyes too. He’d missed you so much and he would do anything to keep you in his arms forever.

Having Spencer make love to you brought even more images to your mind. You knew you’d felt his touch before. Being with Spencer was like coming home, everything suddenly made so much sense in that moment. Everything fell into place.

Afterwards he held you in his arms, revelling in every second as he had no idea how long it would last for.

He had no idea if you'd still be here in the morning, truth be told he had no idea if he’d still be here in the morning.

But he would make every second with you count.

Just as he was starting to drift off to sleep, you looked at him, a look of contemplation on your features.

“Promise you’ll always love me, Spencer?”

He stroked your hair back off your face and placed a soft kiss on your lips.

“My love,” he breathed softly. “I couldn’t stop even if I tried.”

***

Spencer’s head was pounding as he eyes started to flutter open. He felt a hand on his, soft and warm. He felt like he’d been in the deepest sleep of his life.

“Spence? Spencer, can you hear me?” Your voice flooded his ears and relief washed over him that you were in fact still here.

“I can hear you my love,” his eyes fluttered. “I’m here.”

His eyes landed on you only you looked different than you had last night.

Your hair was shorter, your face had aged.

He blinked a few times and that’s when noticed the faint beeping and the unmistakable smell of antiseptic.

“Oh god, Spence I was so worried!” You threw yourself into his arms allowing Spencer to focus on the room behind you.

Not his bedroom. A hospital room.

“W-what happened? W-where am I?”

You stood back up and stroked his hair off his face.

“You’re in the hospital sweetheart. There was an explosion, you hit your head. Do you remember?”

He blinked a few more times.

“Uh…I’m not sure?”

“You were in Reno. Everett Lynch set off a gas explosion and you fell and hit your head on the ground. You made it home fine but you started seizing in your sleep.”

If Spencer’s head had hurt before now it really hurt.

“Uh…just to confirm.” He croaked. “What year is it?”

“Oh god do I need to get the doctor?”

“No, I’m fine.” He tried to sit up. “It’s two thousand and twenty one?”

“Yes darling.” You nodded, a sad smile on your lips.

Spencer raised his hands to rub his eyes and that’s when he noticed it.

The simple gold band adorned on his ring finger. He inspected his hand with a confused frown, which you must have noticed because you took hold of his hand.

Your own left hand sported the engagement ring he’d brought you six years ago along with your own gold band.

“Please don’t tell me you don’t remember marrying me.” You chuckled lightly.

His eyes shot up from your hands to look at you. His expression must have given away his confusion.

“I’m sorry, my mind is so hazy.” He chewed his lip.

“It’s our ten year wedding anniversary next week so I hope you put the pieces together before then.” You leant forward and kissed his forehead.

If he remembered rightly, the team had gone to Reno on June sixth meaning your wedding anniversary would be…

“I remember, my love.” He cupped your cheek with his free hand. “The wedding was already paid for when you left your ex a few weeks before the big day. And despite the fact we’d only known each other a few months, I married you in his place.”

“And I wouldn’t have had it any other way. Ten years and we’re still going strong, baby.”

Spencer let out a shaky breath.

It was probably all just an elaborate dream. But if it had been a dream, how had he managed to rewrite your history?

Somehow Spencer had changed the course of time. He’d stopped you from marrying Kyle and making a huge mistake. And because you hadn’t had your faith in marriage shattered by him, the two of you were able to be here now as husband and wife.

Spencer would never truly understand what happened, but ultimately it didn’t matter. All that mattered was he somehow had everything he’d ever wanted. It didn’t matter so much how the two of you got here, all that mattered was that you had got here.

He shuffled over in the bed to allow space for you to lay with him. You rested your head on his chest while he held you, twirling your wedding ring around your finger.

He wished he could thank Everett Lynch for blowing up that house. Because whatever happened in Reno had led him here.

Just then the door flew open and all Spencer could make out was limbs and messy, curly hair barrelling his way.

Their company climbed onto the bed and snuggled instantly between the two of you.

“Daddy you’re awake!” The small girl practically screeched.

She looked up at him and there was no denying she was his daughter. She had Spencer’s eyes, his mop of hair and his slightly awkward, lopsided smile.

“Uh…yeah I am.” Tears filled his eyes as he looked at the girl calling him daddy with all the love he had in his whole body.

“Careful, Delilah, daddy is still fragile.” You stroked her tangled hair away from her face.

Spencer closed his eyes as you and Delilah made yourselves comfortable in his bed.

Behind his closed lids, he saw you dressed in white, a large smile on your face as you walked towards him down an aisle.

He saw a sold sign outside a large house in the suburbs.

He saw two lines on a pregnancy test, your belly growing and hospital trips.

He could hear a baby crying, feel the weight of her as he was handed his new daughter for the first time.

He might not ever be able to make sense of exactly what happened to him. But Spencer did know he’d loved you before, he loved you now and he’d love you again and again, a thousand times over.

For the first time in his life, Spencer was content with things not needing an explanation. He had you and he had Delilah. And that made him the luckiest guy in any existing universe.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Taglist -

All ships & genres -

@muffin-cup @andiebeaword @measure-in-pain @takeyourleap-of-faith @spencers-dria @sassymoon

@sexy-dumpster-fire

SR x reader -

@frickin-bats @dreatine @adoringanakin @dr-spencerr-reidd @sleepretreat @spenxerslut @sweetandsunny

@bellaswanismysoulmate @mcumorningstar @dontcallmekittens @kuolonsyoja @radtwinkie @drayshadow @lytrc @nani-2305 @rainsong01 @this-is-doctor-and-its-calm @safespacespence @shemarmooresfedora @pastelbabygirl19 @matthew-gray-gubler-lover @people-whatabunchofbastards

@justreadingficsdontmindme

[christinesficrecs]

Hi! do u know a fic where matt was like obsessed with stiles and was leaving him threats and eventually stiles went to the police and matt killed a bunch of deputies and made stiles kneel for him before he was killed by the other police officers. it’s a sterek fic and i just can’t find it for the life of me. Thank you you are great:)

I feel like I've read this!!

If anyone remembers leave a comment so I can add it to the "creepy Matt" tag. 

A lovely follower suggested it might be this fic, which I have def not read.

As Luck Would Have It (I'm already smitten) by Whisper91 | 200.8K | Explicit | Abandoned

When Stiles meets his Dom for the first time, it’s nothing like the cutesy, lovey-dovey Subflicks he used to drag Scott to when they were thirteen. There’s no burst of sunshine when they collide, no sudden swell of violins when their eyes meet; only a really big dent in the front of his Jeep and a seriously pissed off Alpha glaring at him from the sidewalk.

Glazed and Confused by wishingonalightningbolt | 13.7K | Explicit

Stiles is a forensic tech with the San Diego FBI. He thinks he's been fairly lucky, since he's never had his life threatened, sustained few injuries, and only has to work with his least favorite agent every once in a while.

And then all of that changes.

Puzzle Pieces by isthatbloodonhisshirt (wasterella) | 89.4K | Mature

“Okay.” Stiles glanced at his phone, wincing at the battery being close to ten percent. It was probably time to call Scott. Turning off the flashlight, mostly to save battery and kind of freaking out over how dark it was—though the half-moon reflecting off the snow helped a bit—he opened his contacts with shaking hands and scrolled through to Scott’s name. Once he hit it, he put the phone to his ear, looking around, and froze.

The phone rang in his ear, but his eyes were locked on something big and moving through the trees.

Oh no. Oh no, no, no.

If that was a fucking bear, Stiles was fucked!

487 by Finduilas | 52.8K | Explicit

Two years after graduating from the Police Academy, Stiles decides to transfer to the Beacon Hills Police Department, where his father is Chief. But when he gets assigned his new partner, Stiles isn't so sure if the transfer was a good idea. Derek 'Officer Grumpy Cat' Hale isn't exactly his first choice of partner. Then again, Stiles really isn't Derek's first choice either.

Thicker Than Water by KouriArashi | 65.8K

Stiles is busy enough with his final semester of high school and his ever-growing pack without his grandparents showing up. He wants to keep them clueless about the supernatural to keep them safe, which won't be easy to do with a new killer stalking the streets of Beacon Hills...

[cloudlessly-light]

Could you write something about domestic hotchniss making the team sick with how much they love each other. Make it as fluffy or as smutty as you want. I’m obsessed with your writing <3

Rating: General

Warnings: Fluff, all the fluff, a couple of swearwords

After Haley, Aaron was sure that he’d never fall in love again. At least not fall in love as hard as he had loved Haley. Then suddenly Emily was there, a support he didn’t know he needed and slowly, so painfully slow that he didn’t notice it until it was too late, and he was in love again. And she loved him as well.

It had been a year of grief, of Aaron not focusing on anything but work and being the best father to Jack that he could be. And she was there, a silent friend for him to lean on, until he didn’t have to lean on her anymore, but instead just wanted to have close.

It started with a coffee, he was buying one for himself and just happened to buy one for her. When she smiled her thanks, early in the morning and he felt his heart clench, he knew that whatever he felt for her was way past just friendship. The following week she met him for coffee instead, but he still paid for it.

It became a coffee every morning for the next ten days, not that he was counting or anything, and on the eleventh morning she asked him to go with her to an event her mother was hosting and when he said yes, he could see the relief wash over her face.

After the event he walks her to her apartment even though she said she was fine walking up on her own. She was wearing a black dress and he had been forcing himself not to gawk at her all night.

“You look beautiful.” He finally tells her as she’s leaning against the door and she looks away at the same time as her cheeks redden.

“Thank you.” She smiles, her teeth digging into her bottom lip. “And thank you for coming with me.”

“Not a problem.” He chuckles and absentmindedly pushes some hair that has fallen over her face behind her ear. “Good night Emily.” He says softly and she turns to unlock her door. As he walks toward the elevator he hears her voice, soft and breathy.

“Hey Hotch?”

“Yeah?”

“When are you going to ask me on a real date?” She smiles, her grin wide enough to be infectious and he smiles back.

So they go on a real date, and then another, and then another. Then they’re three months in and he blurts out that he loves her in the middle of a fight. It makes her yell even louder, somehow fueling her anger until she actually recognizes what he’s just said and she stops yelling. Instead she kisses him, molds her body against his as he wraps his arms around her.

“I love you too, you fucking ass.”

It makes him laugh, causes him to pull her against him again and she swallows up the laugh in another kiss.

The team finds out around the four month mark and to be honest Aaron is surprised that no one besides Dave picked up on it sooner. It’s an adjustment for them all, different reactions from them all, but they can all see how well Emily and Aaron fit together. It’s a new side to both of them that they’ve really only seen glances off before and in the end they’re happy for them.

They’re still careful at work, because they have to be, subtle to the point that JJ once tells Emily that no one would ever believe that they were a couple. It makes her smile, because that just means that they’re doing what they promised from the start. Coworkers as work, lovers at home. But then comes the times when they’re getting comfortable, when they don’t have to ignore the impulses to grab the other’s hand or a kiss to the temple. Like when one night, they’re heading home from Iowa and Emily leans her head on his shoulder.

It's like their magnetized and his arm wrap around her, pulls her tighter against him and kisses her cheek. She smiles as the simple gesture, turns her head to catch his lips in a gentle kiss and when she pulls away Derek is looking at them with a less than amused look on his face.

“We get it. You’re in love.” He’s not really annoyed, is actually really happy for his friends but it’s fun to tease them. When Emily gives him the finger he can only laugh.

“You’re just jealous.” She snuggles closer to Aaron, lets the warmth of his body heat up hers.

“Listen Princess, if it’s one thing I’m not jealous of, it’s your love life. Who would want that man snoring in your ear all night?” He’s too slow and Emily kicks his shin under the table, a smile grazing her lips when he winces.

“Thank you honey.” Aaron kisses her again, makes an extra loud kissing sound only to annoy Derek even more.

“What’s it like dating Hotch?” Penelope asks one night out of the blue. They had just gotten back from Oregon and it was late. Everybody had gone home for the day except her, she had waited for the team to get back like she always did. She had watched as Aaron and Emily walked in behind the rest of the team, hand in hand, and when he walked to his office she had given him a gentle smile, and Penelope was curious.

“What do you mean?” She turned in her chair just as JJ came to join them, having heard the question. If Spencer and Derek did, they seemed set on ignoring the female gossip.

“I mean, what’s it like?” Penelope bent lower to make sure that Aaron couldn’t hear her “Is he… fun?”

Emily couldn’t help the chuckle, the question not surprising considering how serious he always was at work.

“He’s…” She stopped, her eyes glancing towards his office and a warm smile graced her lips “amazing.” When she turned back to the two blondes she was met by narrowed eyes. “What?”

“You’re… glowing.” JJ’s head fell to the side as she studied her friend “Like, seriously if you smile any bigger your face will split in two.”

Emily rolled her eyes but her smile didn’t faulter even as she felt a blush rise on her cheeks.

“You really love him don’t you?” Penelope looked between the closed door to their boss’s office to the brunette.

“I love him so much it’s scaring me.” She admitted and her friends both grinned.

“You’re disgusting.” Penelope said and when Emily’s eyes narrowed “But like, in the cutest way possible.”

That was the moment Aaron opened his door and saw the three women standing around Emily’s desk, all with grins on their faces. He chose to ignore the fact that they were probably talking about him and locked eyes with his girlfriend.

“You ready to go home?”

“Yes, please.” Emily shot her friends one last look before moving with him towards the elevator.

He comes home to his apartment later than her, is met by the sound of Jack’s laugh flowing through the apartment and he feels his chest warm. Quietly he makes his through the apartment just in time for him to see Jack cuddled against Emily as she reads to him.

“Daddy!” The young boy jumps from his bed and into his arms and he picks her up.

“Hey buddy. How are you? Did you have a good day?” He kisses the top of his head and puts him down, watches as he crawls back into bed and under the covers.

“Yepp!” Jack leans against Emily and picks up the book that she had put on her lap. “We’re reading.”

“I can see that.” He kisses Emily and sits on a chair next to bed but the young boy scrunches his nose at his father.

“Emily is better at reading. This is our story time.” It causes them both to laugh and Emily ruffles his hair.

“Thank you honey.” She winks at Aaron and takes the book from Jack’s hand. “But I think dad can stay for story time, just this once.”

Less than thirty minutes later and Jack is asleep against her and he helps her to climb out of the bed that’s too small for her.

“He loves you.” He mumbles as he pours them both a glass of wine, and her arms wrap around him from behind.

“I seem to have that effect on Hotchner men.” She smiles into his shirt as she inhales his scent. “Good thing I love them too.”

It’s their one-year anniversary but they don’t plan anything special. They chose not to tell anybody because they didn’t want to make it a big deal. But still, they should have known that between Penelope and Dave nothing is a secret and they manage to set up a date night for them. Dave watches Jack and Penelope makes reservations at a French restaurant that she knows Emily loves but is impossible to get a table at. Neither of them asks if she hacked their reservation system, but when they sit across from each other neither care how they got there, they’re just content that they’re there together.

“You make me really happy.” She tells him after dinner, her arm around his waist and his around her shoulder as they walk through the city.

“I didn’t think I’d ever be this happy ever again.” He admits and it makes her chest ache because she had been there when Haley died, had picked up the pieces of him after. It had been anything but easy, but as she stared into his eyes, so dark and gentle she knew that this was it. He was it.

“Do you want to move in together?” His words break through her thoughts and stops her in her tracks “I mean, we basically spend every night together already and we…”

“Yes.” She interrupts him, already nodding. “Of course I do.”

So they buy a house, a house with three bedrooms, and a backyard with a pool.

“This could be your study.” Emily tells him as she holds the keys to their new home. It’s finally moving day and she’s standing in the middle of the smaller bedroom, maps out where his desk should go when he comes up behind her.

“Or, this could be Jack’s little sister or brother’s room.” He murmurs against her neck, his arms tightening around her middle when she turns her head to look at him.

“Yeah, or that.” She smiles into the kiss, lets his tongue press against hers as she turns in his grasp to wrap her arms around his neck.

“When you two are done with that, the movers want to know where the couch should go.” Spencer stands in the doorway, an awkward look on his face. “And Penelope just opened the wine.”

That makes Emily hurry downstairs but Aaron doesn’t move not quite realizing that she just agreed to have a baby with him.

“You alright Hotch?” Spencer asks, his eyebrows knitted together as he takes in the dumbfounded look on the older man’s face.

“This will be the nursery.” He answers, like that was answer enough.

Actually, it kind of was.

Nine months later and Emily is eight months pregnant. It happened quickly, maybe too quickly but it makes Aaron smile and even though she hates actually being pregnant and all the fuzzing over her, she’s glowing.

“It’s just sweat. It’s a thousand degrees outside.” She argues as he stands in Dave’s kitchen, finishing off some pasta.

“You’re beautiful Bella.” Dave gives her one of his famous Rossi glares and she concedes and ducks her head just as Aaron comes in carrying dishes.

“He’s right, the most gorgeous woman in the world.” He kisses her cheek on the way to the sink and Dave suppresses the urge to roll his eyes at them.

“You’re blind, both of you.” She huffs and with some difficulty gets up from her seat. “Just watch me waddle away.” She tells them over her shoulder as she makes her way outside to the rest of the team.

Aaron doesn’t look away from her until she’s out of sight and when he turns back to the sink, Dave is smiling at him.

“So when are you asking her?”

He should have known that he couldn’t hide something as big as a ring from his best friend.

“How did you know?”

“I know everything Aaron.” He pours them both a glass of scotch “And you’ve been grinning like an idiot for the past two days.” He holds his glass up in a cheers and ignores the glare Aaron sends him as they both take a drink.

The day his daughter is born is anything but perfect. He just barely makes it in time for the delivery, Emily is screaming every profanity in the book and in the midst of the chaos, his daughter is born. She has dark hair and Emily’s eyes and she’s the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen.

“You did so good sweetheart.” He kisses her sweaty forehead and wipes her tears, and then watches as she holds their daughter for the first time.

“She’s so small.” Emily whispers, her eyes glued to this life that they had created together. “What if I’ll mess her up?” She’s suddenly looking at him with panic and he kisses her forehead, then her lips.

“You won’t.”

Elodie Hotchner is just as beautiful as her mother and when Aaron sees the tiny baby cradled in Jack’s arms, who in turn is leaning against Emily the words fly out of his mouth before he can stop them.

“Marry me.”

Emily looks up from her children, exhausted, but tears of happiness in her eyes and she knows that this is the moment she will cherish forever.

“Yes.”

[fanficwritersinterviewed]

MCM, Bunnywest & DiscontentedWinter

<<This post is a part of a longer conversation about fanfic writers, how they view fanfic, and their writing process. All views are the fanfic writers’ own, and whatever fanfic they choose to write is entirely their own decision. No judgement value will be placed on fic content. These conversations are meant to provide insight for other fanfic writers in whatever stage they are at in their writing life>>

Meet-Cute Monday

(with Bunnywest & DiscontentedWinter, @bunnywest & @thisdiscontentedwinter) 

AO3 Stats:

Pseud: Bunnywest Pronouns: she/her Current fandoms: Teen Wolf Current pairings: Steter (Stiles/Peter), Stargent (Stiles/Chris), Petopher (Peter/Chris) How many total fic: 178 How many fandoms: 1 Total word count: 1,658,496 Longest fic word count: 111,578 Shortest: 280 Highest kudo count: 5,034 Lowest: 106

Pseud: DiscontentedWinter Pronouns: she/her Current fandoms: Teen Wolf Current pairings: Sterek (Stiles/Derek), Steter (Stiles/Peter), Stetopher (Stiles/Peter/Chris) How many total fic: 86 How many fandoms: 2 Total word count: 1,484,562 Longest fic word count: 80,022 Shortest: 932 Highest kudo count: 18,673 Lowest: 97

What's the story behind your writing pseuds? DW: No story at all except I was on a Shakespeare kick at the time, and someone already had "WinterofDiscontent."

B: I honestly can't remember the exact origin, I think it was back in the days of IIRC and triviachat. I was Ladywest because I'm from western Australia, and then it was Easter so I made it Bunnywest and it just sort of stuck.

DW:That's super cute. I should have made up a super cute story!

How long have you been reading and writing fanfic? B:Ooooh, I wanna say ten years reading? My kid sent me a link to a Stucky fic when I was recovering from surgery, because she knew I'd love it, and also it was T rated so it didn't weird her out too much sharing it. I've been writing since May 2017. There was a really great bit of fanart and I commented that it would be great if there was a story and they said "you could write it," and at first I was "Haha, no," but then the idea wormed into my brain.

I legitimately thought I'd write this 400 word thing and be done, and then people started commenting and asking for more, and I'm a whore for validation. Who knew? So I kept going. And the more I wrote, the more I found my stress levels dropping, and the more fun Peter Hale was to play with. I literally write to empty the brain pan of bullshit. If I go too long without writing now, I have weird stress dreams. And I do so love the endorphin rush of posting at bedtime and waking up to fifty something comments.

DW: I was always aware fanfic was a thing, but Sterek was definitely my gateway drug. In about 2014, a bunch of people I knew on Goodreads started recommending Sterek fanfic, and I was hooked from that moment. In late 2014 a BNF (Big Name Fan) writer wrote a post about how fanfic shouldn't be put on Goodreads, which led to a lot of fic writers demanding GR remove their fics, under the mistaken idea fics were being hosted there, not just linked. And a lot of fans on GR were very upset when their reviews all disappeared without warning. They were also upset to be told that they weren't "real" fans. So I decided to write a Sterek fic for them, which they could talk about on GR and I wouldn't demand it get taken down. I thought that it'd be just that group that would read it, mostly, but suddenly I had an inbox full of comments. So I kept writing more, whenever I had the time between my professional writing projects.

What’s your meet-cute story? DW: I think we'd maybe commented on a few of each other's fics? But then our mutual fandom friend introduced us, and all three of us decided at one point to write a fic together.

B: Our actual meet-cute was Daisy's elephants. Winter posted about her dog's obsession with a particular stuffed toy that she disemboweled on the reg, and lamented that she only had a couple left in her stash. My local reject shop had a shit ton so I sent them to her, and in return she sent me some of her books. We haven't actually met, I think I should point out.

DW: No. We had plans for this month, but... pandemic and closed borders.

Which came first for you: original content writing or fanfic writing? DW: Original writing. I've been writing original characters for as long as I can remember, and I was published first before I posted fanfic anywhere. We wrote our first fanfic collab in September 2019. At some point Bunny said something about how writing a novel was harder, or different, and I bullied her into writing one with me to prove that it wasn't. I mean, it's a bit different, but if you can turn out 50k fanfics in a few weeks, there is nothing stopping you from writing a novel. I eased her in with self publishing, then, in case she thought that was a fluke, with our next series I submitted it to a publisher and it got accepted!

B: Oh fanfic for me. I wanna say we wrote [our first novel] in April 2020 because we both had two weeks off? Winter bullied...lovingly cajoled... me into attempting it just to prove to me I could.

DW: And I was right!

Wow! So this is very much a pandemic collaboration. Because I checked out your self publishing and there was so much, I assumed it must have been over a long time. B: Oh Winter is a machine. She has, I wanna say, fifty odd books? But it’s hard to keep count, only because she keeps releasing more. I have to keep reminding myself that she's the Spiders Georg of writing and three books in a year is perfectly respectable.

DW: Ha! Nah, there are people out there who are writing a lot faster than me!

So I’m absolutely fascinated by the fact the two of you self publish and write fanfic at the same time. I think there is this assumption in writing that fanfic is a nice little stepping stone and then one day you’ll become A Writer. And when you’re A Writer you will have no need for writing fanfiction. B: There absolutely is that assumption that 'real writers' graduate from fanfic. Winter did it backwards because she's just Like That.

DW: For me, fanfic takes the pressure off. I have work writing, and I have fun writing. Fanfic is fun writing, and I reward myself with it when I've got the work writing out of the way. After wrangling characters and plotlines all day, it's fun to go back to fanfic and just let it go in any crazy direction it wants--my fanfics have the tendency to do that!

Also, with fanfic I can write and post a chapter in a day, and tomorrow there will be a bunch of excited comments, which gives me the motivation to jump back in. With original writing, I don't get that immediate and enthusiastic feedback, so sometimes it feels like a lot more of a slog. I'm sure I could write twice as fast if I had a cheer squad for my original writing! So, I'm always going to need fanfic, I think. Not as a stepping stone, but as a fun place to play.

B: This. Case in point: we have two completed books right now that won't be published till the middle of next year, which is a LONG time to wait for validation for that one joke you're really proud of. But fanfic? Write today, post today, feedback immediately!

How has the fanfic community fueled your writing? DW: It's the enthusiasm. It's an incredible feeling when people leave comments about how excited they are to see where this story is going, or where they think it might be. And sometimes reading the comments section just makes me laugh, because I might be in the middle of a fairly shitty day, but a keysmash comment with a flailing Kermit gif? I love making people happy with my fics, or even making them yell at me because of an evil cliffhanger. That enthusiasm is wonderful, and always gives me a push.

B: The rush of getting comments definitely keeps me going-- whether it's the excited flailing for the next chapter with a hundred theories as to what's going to happen, or a simple “IM DED”-- I love it all

DW: Same! It's accountability, too, though not in a formal sense. You want to finish because you don't want to leave anyone hanging!

B: Basically, fanfic is stress relief and original works, while still fun to write, carry slightly more responsibility to turn out, y'know, not shit.

DW: This! Lol!

[princeescaluswords]

Any more whining you want to do?

As a matter of fact, I do have a bit more. Thanks for asking!

(To give some context for others, this individual commented on this post here. You can check out what I said and what they said as replies.)

Exhibit #1: Scott obsessing over Allison in Abomination (2x04) when he should be following Stiles around like a puppy. /sarcasm

I simply can't get over the idea that Scott hanging up on Stiles when he and Derek are in the pool in Abomination is somehow proof of Scott's self-absorption. Anyone who didn't flunk high-school English class should be able to tell that this scene was designed to heighten tension about what would happen to Stiles and Derek, not tell the audience that Scott is a bad person. After all, Scott wasn't making out with Allison when this happened; to remind everyone once again, Scott and Allison were breaking into Gerard "Kill Them All" Argent's safe in Gerard's bedroom after Scott had been dragged to the Argent house for dinner after Scott had been outed as a werewolf to that very same werewolf hunter because he covered for one of Derek's betas. Yet, Scott, with all his supposed self-absorption, still managed to save Derek and Stiles from the kanima in the end.

And, in any event, it was an accident. Framed by the narrative as an accident! Treated by the narrative as an accident!

Just as, in the very next episode Venomous (2x05), Stiles nearly killing Scott because Stiles picked up Allison's crossbow without permission and fiddled with it was framed and treated by the narrative as an accident.

Yet no one argues -- nor could they reasonably argue -- that Stiles is careless with the lives of the people he claims to care about. He was curious, and that sometimes gets the better of him.

It's only large parts of the fandom that treat Scott's hanging up as proof he's unreliable, sexually obsessed, and apparently self-absorbed. How they can they take two similar incidents (if they even bother to think about the scene in Venomous at all) and come to vastly different conclusions?

Or, for that matter and in the same vein, why don't they treat Stiles dragging Scott out into the woods to get bit as another example of Stiles being careless with the lives of those he loves. As an aside and before anyone gets angry, 'drag' is exactly how Sheriff Stilinski described it in Memory Found (6x10). Why is that accident not a commentary on Stiles's character?

Or, also for that matter, why don't they condemn Derek for sending Stiles into the long-term care facility by himself in Wolf's Bane (1x09)? Derek literally put Stiles in harm's way of a blood thirsty kanima -- whoops, I mean alpha. Of course, it was an accident, so why would anyone hold it against Derek?

And yet, five years after the show is over, and ten years after this scene actually first aired, not one anti-Scott individual can tell me what makes his accidental hanging up on Stiles a criticism of his character, while Stiles getting Scott bit or shooting a crossbow bolt at him or Derek sending Stiles to face his power-mad uncle alone doesn't. Why do they ignore the fact that the only reason Scott hung up was he was doing something dangerous himself for Derek, that he was only present in that danger because of Derek's pack, and that he still rescued Derek and Stiles?

Of course, that question is disingenuous. It's obvious why they nitpick particular scenes as examples of Scott's utter selfishness, because how else are they going to justify their desire to transform the show about Scott McCall into a show about literally any other white guy? There's a reason I'm reading brand new stories today where an uncharacteristically competent Alpha Derek says to Peter that Scott finally chose to submit to avoid being an omega, and stopped listening to Deaton (as if Deaton ever had any single scene where he told Scott to refuse Derek in any way, shape or form).

BUT IT'S NOT RACISM.

[lovelyspencers]

Both Sides Like Chanel

“I see both sides like chanel,

see on both sides like chanel.”

Synopsis: Spencer and fem!Reader have been dating for a while now and there is something that Spencer hasn’t trusted anyone else with that he wants to share with her

Content Warning: mentions of drug addiction, allusions to sex, brief mention of internalized homophobia

Word Count: 3.3k

A/N: this is my first fanfiction and I’m not entirely sure how tumblr works yet but it is my mission to do something about the lack of bi!Spencer representation

Compared to his colleagues and friends, Spencer was a fairly private person. He liked to keep things to himself because his life centered around repetitious disappointments. So, he was content that his private life was not set on a stage, his misery displayed for everyone to see.

But then he fell in love with you the minute you walked into the bullpen and bumped into him, leaving your belongings all scattered on the marble floor. Spencer was never one for touch but when he took your hand to sweep you off the ground, butterflies filled his stomach like the air on a humid summer’s day.

After a few years of friendship, his adoration for you grew as easily as ivy on an abandoned house and it was on New Year’s Day that the team celebrated in Rossi’s mansion that his slightly intoxicated self decided that he was not able to hold it in any longer.

You had sneaked off to Rossi’s backyard after Garcia had gotten a bit of too affectionate and randomly started kissing everyone.

Both of you were slightly buzzed, your head laid in his lap as he explained the constellations to you. He wished that the sky above you was the only thing that filled his mind, but when he looked at you with your skin slightly flustered from the alcohol and your lips pursed as in deep thought, all that he could think about was how much he wanted to kiss you.

It wasn’t the first time, the thought floated around in his mind. It had been so crucial in fact that the thought of your lips softly pressed on his played in his head like a film reel every night, unable to give him the sweet escape of sleep.

So, when the blank sky was filled with multicolored fireworks, the moonlight illuminated the complexion of your face and cheers erupted from the silence surrounding you without a second thought, he leaned in to kiss you.

You tasted like champagne and the strawberry lipstick you obsessively put on whenever you got anxious and to Spencer, he felt as if he had found the missing puzzle piece he’d been seeking for all his life.

And then like they always did, his thoughts began rushing through his mind like cars during rush hour and he instantly pulled back.

You were gonna hate him and then he would lose the only person he trusted with all his being and maybe you’d tell Penelope and everyone would laugh at him for believing that someone as amazing as you would ever-

But before his poisonous thoughts got the best of him, you grabbed the sides of his face and connected your lips with his again, filling the entirety of his body with pure bliss.

“I’ve been waiting so long for you to do that.” Your voice vibrated against his lips and he couldn’t help the smile that graced his face in the process.

The two of you could have kissed for only seconds or even hours because as he finally experienced what it felt like to be utterly yours, none of the things surrounding you mattered to him in the slightest.

All that mattered was that his biggest dream of your heart belonging to him entirely finally came true and he had no intention to ever let it go.

But even the most perfect moments couldn’t last forever and in this case, it was disturbed in the figment of the people the two of you considered family.

At first, you both didn't notice the footsteps on the grass, too caught up in trying to pour every stolen glance and hidden adoration in the simplicity of a kiss.

It wasn’t until cheers filled the silence around you that you hesitantly broke apart and were greeted with the sight of the team who all had smirks plastered on their faces.

To his delight, you didn’t entirely pull away from him like he thought you would instead you got off his lap to lazily wrap your arms around his torso. Subconsciously he pressed a kiss to your temple erupting even more amusement from the people watching you.

“About damn time.” Emily was the first to break out of her trance. Soon, congratulations were shared and the team tried to discreetly exchange money since they seemed to have some kind of bet going on. Even Hotch had a rare smile on his face and it was without a doubt the most beautiful start in the new year he could have ever wished for.

“I love you,” you muttered as you hid your face in his chest, and though there was no way the team could have heard what you told him, the smile on his face told them everything they needed to know.

“I love you too.”

He wished more than anything else that your love story could have ended that way and you lived happily ever after but this wasn’t a movie and the truth was that relationships were work. Work he was more than willing to put effort in but work nonetheless.

You loved each other dearly but you weren’t perfect and neither was he. Most of your fights revolved around his fear of vulnerability and even though he spent years building a wall around his heart so no one could ever shatter it again, he loved you far more than his self preservation so he tried his hardest.

And there was one particular thing, he always wanted to tell you or anyone who he felt earned his trust.

Throughout his life, his trust had been broken many times. So without even realizing it, there was a barrier between the two of you that prevented him from loving you to the fullest and he hated it.

But unlike Derek who immediately spread his problems around like it was just some gossip printed on the sixth page or JJ who kept Emily’s well-being to herself despite him coming to cry to her for months, you never betrayed his trust.

Even more so, you didn’t have that look of pity in your eyes that was equally as painful as daggers in his chest when he told you about his drug addiction or the schizophrenia of his mother.

You were easily the person on earth that he trusted the most but that didn’t mean that there weren’t some things that he still kept to himself.

But as he said, he wanted to change that and if one person was deserving of his honesty and vulnerability it was you.

Spencer had told you about his father leaving, the horrors he had to face that still haunted him in his dreams, his kidnapping from Tobias Hankel, and the cruelty of a childhood as a child prodigy.

While what he wanted to tell you wasn’t nearly as heavy it still felt like dead weight continuing to weigh him down.

Every time, he came close to telling you the truth, he got scared like a child in the dark and switched topics to something that didn’t matter at all.

Spencer also knew that you were aware that something was off. Before you started dating ten months ago, you had been best friends for years so he can positively say that you know him better than anybody else.

But today he had a plan.

You had been wanting to watch ‘Love, Simon’ with him for weeks and he had tried to avoid it for obvious reason but today he’d watch it with you and maybe then he’d gain the courage to talk to you.

He was aware of how illogical his fears were, after all, you had always been open about your bisexuality and had seen you beat up homophobes on various occasions (while Hotch hated it, it was on the long list of things that Spencer loved about you).

But he feared that maybe you wouldn’t want to be with someone who liked men and women or maybe that just didn’t fit with the type of man you were looking for or maybe-

Nope, he wasn’t doing this to himself. You were the kindest, most open hearted and loving person he knew and he had told you far more break up worthy thing than his sexuality.

When he had told you about his past drug addiction, you pulled up the sleeves of his shirt and kissed the fainting scars there and helped him get rid of the small stack of Dilaudid that he had kept hidden in his closet without any sign of judgment.

When he had told you about his mother, you pulled his head on your lap and started playing with his hair until the tears on his face dried and pinky promised him that you would stay with him even if he inhabited his mother’s illness because there was nothing that you would ever let drive a wedge between the two of you.

When he had told you about his childhood and confided in you for the relentless bullying he had to endure after you had found an invitation to a high school reunion in his mailbox, you had peppered him with kisses the entire night and showered him with compliments and love.

Not to mention that you convinced him to go to the high school reunion where everyone seemed equally as impressed by the beauty that his girlfriend possessed and the nature of his job. And every time, you sensed that he was uncomfortable you held his hand and wordlessly pulled him away, because you simply understood him like that.

The first night you slept over, he was more anxious over you sleeping next to him than the actual act of having sex with you (which said a lot because in a moment of desperation he had even asked Derek for sex advice) because he knew that the nightmares would jolt him awake again.

But it was so easy to be with you and when he pulled your body into his and showed you just how much he loved you in the most intimate act there was, all worries (and crappy advice that Derek had given him) left his mind and were quickly replaced by pure bliss and escasty.

And when he woke up shaking because some monsters don’t stay hidden in the dark, you were right there to comfort him until he was able to safely fall asleep with your arms wrapped around his waist.

Spencer was jolted back to reality when there was a knock on his door and he immediately wrapped you in a bone crushing hug before pouring all his worries and love into a kiss.

“We literally saw each other at work today. Did you really miss me that much already?” Your laughter that had become Spencer’s favorite sound ever since the first time he heard it filled the room, and he had to fight the urge to drop his plans and just worship you and your body for the entirety of the evening instead.

No, he was a man on a mission and he had repressed this conversation for way too long.

“I always miss you.”

And it was true, embarrassingly so. When you were on a case, Hotch decided against giving the two of you a shared hotel room, and every time, he had to fall asleep without your body heat next to him he felt as if there was some part of himself missing.

You gave him a peck on the cheek before you intertwined your fingers with Spencer’s and lead him to his couch where you rather ungracefully plumped down.

He joined you and your head immediately landed on his lap as a silent invitation for him to play with your hair which he happily obliged to.

“Can we watch ‘Love, Simon’ today?”

“Yes! I’ve only been begging you to watch it for years,” you laughed while grabbing the hand that wasn’t massaging your temple and holding it in yours.

He laughed too but it was filled with anxiety and you heard it because of course you did. Others might no be able to make out when he was uncomfortable but you always knew when to press him and when to leave him alone.

“We don’t have to watch that movie if you really don’t want to, babe,” you said as you propped yourself up to sit next to him again, all while never letting go of his hand.

“It’s not that. I just-”

Well, it’s now or never.

“I’m bisexual,” he blurted out, surprising himself with the sudden statement, and when he hesitantly locked eyes with yours there was none of the judgment or disgust he feared.

There was just love and understanding like there always was.

You were just about to say something before he gave you a look that clearly signaled to just let him talk for a bit and you answered the silent request with a soft smile and a gentle squeeze on his hand.

“I don’t know, I just used to have this crush on a boy when I was younger and I was confused because I only ever saw heterosexual couples, you know?” You nodded and that reassuring smile on your face never seemed to falter even a little bit, you looked almost proud of him.

“And then I got older and I started liking women too and I was even more confused because like who exactly do I like now?”

Sometimes during meetings in the briefing room or on the jet, you randomly held hands and squeezed them three time as a reminder that you loved each other without having to actually say it and that’s what you did during the brief amount of silence.

“When I was in high school liking boys was always associated with something bad so I just assumed that it was bad and tried my hardest to just suppress it.”

Spencer squeezed your hand three times too and took a deep breath. Seemed that even a genius like him could miscalculate and in this case it was the toll this secret had on him.

“But then I got older and realized that there was nothing wrong with being attracted to the same sex, and so I kind of accepted it even though I still had no idea what my sexuality was. It was just one of those I’ll deal with it later type of things.”

When he looked into your eyes again, you looked at him with so much tenderness that he felt as if his heart might burst out of his chest, even if that was biologically impossible.

“I had a boyfriend when I was in college, his name was Ethan and I loved him but it just didn’t work out. I never told anyone because I was afraid I think?”

He remembered the time of sneaking around and lying to his mother when she spotted a hickey on his neck during one of her visits, the frustration because all he wanted was to show the world the love they shared like every other ordinary couple.

But he also remembered the clandestine meetings, muttered I love you’s that were for no one else to hear and the feeling of falling in love for the first time.

“And then I was confused again because I still liked women too and then I met you and I fell in love with you the second I laid eyes on you honestly and then I thought that maybe it was just like a non-sexual thing but I am sexually attracted to you, I mean we have sex. I like having sex with you!”

You chuckled but it was not out of malice or disgust it was just there, floating in the air filling his body with a warmth that not even his thickest sweater could provide.

“Baby, breathe. It’s just me.”

You brought his knuckles up to your mouth to press a kiss to each of them and that simple gesture managed to calm Spencer’s nerve immensely.

“You were so open with your sexuality and I guess it just kind of made sense? And I know that some women have problems with men who like men and maybe you’re disgusted with me because I used to be with a man and I’m like not the manliest man and and sometimes I think about painting my nails because it seems kind of fun and-”

The thing about Spencer’s rambling was that he couldn’t stop. He wanted to especially when he saw the annoyance on everyone’s faces but you were always there to listen to him, even if you had no idea what he was talking about but as you felt his anxiety worsen with every word that left his lips, you interrupted him for the first time ever.

“I’m not disgusted at all. I love and accept everything about you and that includes your sexuality. Thank you for being open with me, I know hard that can be with for you. I’m very proud of you.”

You emphasized your statement by pulling him in for a kiss and that was the first time that Spencer noticed that he was crying, but you kissed him with all the tenderness in the world, wordlessly wiping away the tear that rolled down his cheek.

“You’re the most perfect man I know. I don’t care if you’re not the most manliest man to me you’re perfect and the love of my life,” you whispered against his lips and Spencer could only reply by deepening the kiss and trying to get you as close to him as humanly possible.

There was no rush or expectations, you were kissing as if you had every time in the world and the kiss was a silent promise that you still loved him no matter what.

And for the first time in what felt like ages, Spencer could finally breathe. Silence filled the room but it wasn’t uncomfortable by any means. You had placed Spencer’s head on your chest and played with his hair while occasionally peppering him with kisses, only a few reassurances and I love you’s accompanying the stirring DVD player.

“Did you mean what you said about wanting to paint your nails?” you asked after a few minutes passed and Spencer had wrapped his arms around your waist as if you were the anchor to a sinking ship.

Spencer chuckled not even remembering what he said during his ramble. “I guess so. Why?”

The thought did cross his mind from time to time, especially when he saw your impressive collection of various nail polish. He never cared much about other’s perception of his masculinity and Spencer realized that his fair of not being manly enough for you was nothing but utterly stupid.

“Do you want me to do it?”

He shyly nodded and a smile filled your face as you took his hand to examine it, probably debating in your head which colour would fit him most.

And as you left the room to search for the most beautiful purple you could find, Spencer sat in the living room, happiness spreading through every fiber of his being because for the first time he knew what it felt like to be unconditionally loved.

Both of you weren’t perfect but there were no more secrets left lurking in the shadows and he knew that as long as you wanted him, he’d always be yours.

You were the first person to truly accept and love him. All of him, and he never wanted to lose that.

As he sat in the living room, you sitting on his lap and looked at your fingers as you painted his in a dark shade of purple, he decided that it wouldn’t be long until the most beautiful ring he could find would adorn your ring finger.

[babymetaldoll]

DIWK - Chapter eight: "There is no I in Team"

Word count: 8,4K

Summary: It's Spencer's birthday, and the team meets Mikey, Lu, and Frank. Reader is no longer in denial, but she has no idea what she is doing. Also, Rossi is here.

Warnings: Cursing, frustration, please don't hate me.

A/N: Hi! I hope you enjoy this fluffy chapter 'cos... well... things are a few chapters away from getting a little messed up. Thank you for all the support! your likes and comments keep me writing! Love you all!

Masterlist

Chapter one | Chapter two | Chapter three | Chapter four | Chapter five | Chapter six | Chapter seven | Chapter eight | Chapter nine | Chapter ten | Chapter eleven | Chapter twelve | Chapter thirteen | Chapter fourteen | Chapter fifteen |

┅┅┅┅┅┅┅༻❁༺┅┅┅┅┅┅┅

(Y/N)'s point of view

Suddenly, working at the BAU wasn't just catching serial killers. After almost two years at the FBI, I was dealing with some serious issues that were starting to get in the middle of me and work: Spencer Walter Reid.

I didn't want to face it, and I knew I was trying to deny it as much as I could, but even when I kept telling everybody no, deep down, I knew the answer was yes.

I was falling for my best friend.

But I refused to deal with my feelings. There were more important things to do, like catching killers and celebrating Spencer's 26 birthday. So yes, I was screwed.

Penelope organized a breakfast celebration at the BAU with the whole team on his birthday, and I was in charge of the cake. I baked it myself the day before, and Lu decided to help me. And by "help me," apparently, she actually meant "drive me crazy."

- "So, when is Spencer's birthday?"- she sat and sipped her tea at the kitchen island as I continued mixing ingredients.

- "Sunday, October 28th, why?"

- "Just asking. And what's the plan?"

- "Tomorrow Friday, we'll throw an early birthday breakfast at the BAU. Then, I was planning to have a huge surprise party for Spencer here Saturday night. If we are called on a case, then we are doomed. But if we are home, we should definitely celebrate Batsy's day."

- "Aha"- I cut her a questioning gaze, and she just smiled- "I was just trying to make conversation."

- "Ok..."

- "And waiting patiently for you to face the fact you are in love with Spencer."

I nearly dropped the mixer bowl as soon as I heard those words.

- "Lu, what the fuck?!"- I knew I was all kinds of shades of pink, but I did my best to keep my cool and pretend to be stony.

- "I'm just saying it's about time you drop the act and deal with your feelings."

I hated the fact she was right. I was in love with Reid. But I didn't want to talk about it. Honestly, I wasn't ready to acknowledge those feelings out loud 'cause it would make them real. And all I wanted at that minute was to pretend those feelings didn't exist.

- "The only feeling I am dealing with right now is with how pissed I am with your innuendo."

I turned my back at Lu and started looking for the right pan for the batter. I had bought three sizes just to make sure I'd get it right. I also made a mental note not to tell her that.

- "There's no innuendo. I'm telling you upfront. I know you are in love with Spencer."

- "What?!"- Lu laughed and walked to the kettle to pour herself another cup of tea.

- "You do remember I've known you since we were six years old, right?"

- "Yes, I remember that. But that doesn't mean you know how I feel about Spencer."

- "No, of course not. It means you can stop acting. I see through you! you are baking the man a cake."

- "So?"- I looked at her and raised an eyebrow, trying my best to look serious and not busted at all.

- "So you've never baked a cake for me, or Mikey, or Frank!"

- "Well, if you are all jealous, I'll bake one for your birthday then!"

- "(Y/N), please. The cake is just an example. You and I both know you are in love with him."

- "I am not"- I sighed and turned off the mixer, 'cos the batter was ready.

- "(Y/N)"- my friend whispered a few seconds later in a softer voice.

- "Lu?"

- "You are in love with Spencer Reid."

I took a deep breath and crossed my arms on my chest as I looked at her. She was smiling, pleased. It made me think of Frank's request a few months earlier when he asked me he and the guys wanted me to date Reid. I thought it had been cute. Now I was wondering if they all suspected I had feelings for my best friend.

- "Lucy, why are you so obsessed with this?"

- "'Cause he is in love with you too, and I want you to be happy"- and her answer kind of broke my heart.

- "Reid is not in love with me,"- I whispered and returned to the cake to pour the batter into the pans.

- "Why are you so sure?"

- "'Cos I know him! And I know he is in love with someone else"- Lu frowned and shook her head, in disagreement with my words. Like she knew him better.

- "Spencer Reid is in love with you, (Y/N). I've known it since the day I met him."

- "Spencer Reid is in love with JJ. I've known it since the day I met him 'cos he actually asked her out."

- "Oh, come on! You told me that story! Nothing happened!"

- "'Cos she doesn't like him, but you should see him when he is around her! and now that she is dating, it's so obviously killing him!"

I let my arms fall at my sides, defeated, and Lu tapped on the seat next to her. So I sat by her side and held the cup of tea I had left forgotten earlier when I had started baking.

- "So, tell me why you think Reid likes JJ"- Lu demanded, and I somehow managed to tell her what I felt without looking desperate. Or that's what I thought.

- "He worships the floor she walks upon. And I get it, she is cute, she is fun, blond, and friendly. I bet every guy she meets loves her. And it's awful 'cos I love her too, she is my friend. She's the sweetest."

- "But?"

- "But what?"

- "Sounded like you were going to tell me something like "But I hate her 'cos I am in love with Reid."

- "I don't hate JJ! I'm happy she has Will, though she hasn't told us about it. And I love working with her! she is sweet and amazing!"

- "But you are sure Reid loves her"- I just nodded- "Well, you are wrong."

- "Trust me, I'm not."

- "Well, then I'll have to meet that JJ girl and see if Reid looks in love with her."

- "How are you planning to do that?"

- "I don't know"- Lu simply shrugged and smiled- "Something will come up."

And something did come up. Spencer's birthday party. October 28th, 2007.

We threw him a surprise party at my apartment, and everybody came. Derek, Garcia, Prentiss, JJ, Hotch, Lu, Mikey, and Frank. It wasn't just Spencer's 26th birthday party. It was me not hiding anymore. I couldn't hide myself from the team if everybody were invited to my house and about to meet my friends. But I didn't care. I didn't actually think about it much at the moment, 'cos all I cared about was giving Spencer the best surprise birthday party on earth.

And I think I nailed it, 'cos he had no idea what was going on when he knocked on my door at eight. He was innocently holding a bag with some snacks I had asked him to bring for the movie marathon I told him we would have. And he believed me. He was adorable.

As soon as I opened the door and saw him there, my heart skipped a beat. Maybe that's why I didn't say much; I just smiled and invited him in.

- "Is your electricity out? Why are all your lights off, (Y/N)?"- he innocently asked, right before turning on the light and hearing everybody yelling "Surprise!!"

- "What the..."- Reid looked around in shock, not getting what was going on. Frank jumped over and nearly tackled him with a hug, making me laugh. Garcia turned to me in shock, but I just shook my head. That's Frank.

- "Happy barf day, doc!"

- "Thank you so much! Hey!"- Spencer looked around and looked at me. I smiled and watched how everybody got closer to him and hugged him. I don't know if he was ok with it, but he didn't seem to complain. The birthday boy hugged everybody that night.

Spencer's point of view

I don't think anyone had ever thrown me a surprise party before. I never suspected it. Not even a little. I was so glad they had done it, though. I was so happy to have friends and family to share that day with.

It was my fourth birthday at the BAU, the second (Y/N) had organized, and somehow I didn't feel alone anymore. People weren't friendly to me for being condescending. They actually liked me.

- "Doc! You are gonna love these!"- Frank nearly tackled me with his present- "It's from Mikey and me. We thought you might appreciate some new addition to your collection."

I chuckled and held the vinyl records he had given me: Elton John, The Clash, and Arctic Monkeys.

- "Collection?"- Morgan asked and looked at me, surprised- "You collect vinyl records, Reid?"

- "Yeah, I do actually,"- I smiled and kept my eyes on the records- "I think it's a unique classic format. It sounds better than digital, and it includes warmth, richness, and depth to the music you don't find in a cd or mp3."

- "And not just classical music?"- Derek was somehow surprised- "You actually listen to any other musical genre?"

- "What are you talking about?"- I argued, almost insulted- "Just because you think I'm a nerd doesn't mean I only listen to classical music. Last year I got a Johnny Cash record. You were there!"

Morgan raised his hands and smiled, defeated. I chuckled and looked at Frank and Mikey.

- "Thank you, guys."

- "Don't worry about it, come here"- Mikey opened his arms and pulled me into a hug. I tapped on his back and smiled.

I noticed JJ's look at Penelope and wondered if she was surprised I had friends out of the BAU. (Y/N) and I were always together, and we usually talked about what we do with her friends during the weekend. Our friends. They were our friends.

- "We already gave him his presents this morning,"- Garcia explained to Frank. I don't know why maybe she thought it was necessary to make sure he understood and let them know they weren't the only ones who had given me presents.

- "Ok, kids, we've got pizza, beer, and a Halloween cupcake for the birthday boy"- (Y/N) walked over and put on a party hat on my head. I smiled and also received the bottle of beer she handed me.

- "Thank you, chipmunk"- I whispered and felt her arm around my waistline, wrapping me sweetly as she rested her body against my side.

- "You are welcome, honey. Happy birthday."

The way she looked at me made me feel I was the most important person in the world for her for a solid minute. And I wondered how I could make her feel the same.

- "So, doc. How was the cake?"- Lu stood by my side and smiled at JJ, who was just talking to me about nothing important.

- "Good! It was delicious! Did you help (Y/N) bake it?"

- "No!"- she shook her head and chuckled- "I just came for moral support yesterday."

- "It was good! Real good! you can't go wrong with chocolate and raspberries."

- "I'm glad"- she smiled and looked at JJ. I shook my head, embarrassed, and made the proper introductions, though (Y/N) had already done it.

- "You have been (Y/N)'s friend since you were kids, right?"- JJ asked, and Lu smiled again, nodding.

- "We were all neighbors growing up. And... you and doc, how long have you been working together?"

- "For the last... three years, I'm the communication liaison of the team"- Lu nodded and sipped her cup of tea.

- "He has been an incredible addition to the Three Stooges' lives"- Lucy joked and turned to me for a moment. Then, she scanned my face carefully, keeping a big, warm smile on her face.

- "Mikey and Frank were so excited to hang out with you. They keep hoping to find Lila Archer each time they go to your house."

I heard JJ laughing and looking at me, surprised. Lu just kept her eyes on her tea for a moment and then stuck out her tongue to me playfully.

- "Lila Archer?"- JJ asked, shocked- "Are you two still talking? Is there something I don't know about?"

- "No! no!"- I quickly tried to explain- "The guys are obsessed with her. Frank, mostly, and they love to bug me with her."

I turned and looked at them. Frank was hugging (Y/N), and Mikey kept trying to steal her beer from her hands as she just chuckled. I stared at them for a second, and I know I smiled. Somehow I felt slightly jealous of Frank and Mikey for always being so physical with her, not overthinking everything they did around her. I always wished I could be like that. But then again, they weren't in love with her.

- "So you and (Y/N)'s friends get along pretty well"- JJ's voice was curious. I kept thinking she was shocked I had other friends.

- "Actually, we consider Spencer our friend,"- Lu answered and chuckled- "Please, don't tell them I told you this, but they always get excited to see you."

- "Me?"- I was shocked- "Why me?"

- "'Cos they admire you a lot. Frank keeps saying you are the coolest guy he has ever known."

I didn't know what to answer. I had never been one of the popular guys, so having Lu telling me those guys thought I was cool was pretty shocking and heartwarming.

- "Hey, doc! I heard you met Mrs. (Y/L/N),"- Frank said from the other side of the room, causing everybody to look at me. I nodded awkwardly and took a sip of my beer- "She's hot, isn't she?"

- "Frank!!"- (Y/N) yelled and hit his arm- "You are talking about my mom!!"

- "I am not ashamed, Nugget! You know what I think about her!"

- "Wait, princess!"- Morgan was still laughing when he started talking- "Your mom is Mrs. Robinson?"

- "I don't know! Frank is just a perv!"- my best friend argued, looking disgusted.

- "Your mom is a hottie. Deal with it!! Mikey thinks so too!!"- Frank threw his friend under the bus trying to save his own ass. Everybody kept laughing as (Y/N) gasped and turned to see him.

- "You are a sick bastard too!!"

- "I haven't said anything!!"- Mikey tried to explain, but it was useless. Everybody kept chuckling.

- "You are thinking about my mom!!"

- "Well, I'm pretty sure Reid thought about her too!"

- "What?! Why me?!"- I shrieked, and I know I blushed.

- "You saw Mrs. (Y/L/N)! Didn't you think she was hot?"- Mikey looked at me and snickered.

- "She was very welcoming and cordial with me"- I tried to say the most neutral things possible.

- "Dude! come on! she is hot!"- Frank argued and looked at me in shock

- "She is my friend's mother!"

- "Yes! please stop talking about my mother!!"- (Y/N) kind of shouted but chuckled a little at the end.- "Instead, can we talk about how hot Morgan looks tonight?"

- "What?"- Derek raised an eyebrow- "Where is that coming from, princess?"

- "Pure honestly"- (Y/N) replied with a warm smile- "Doesn't he, Garcia?"

- "My chocolate thunder is always the center of my attention,"- Penelope answered and winked at Morgan- "And it's not just tonight. He is always delicious."

I shook my head and took a look around. All my friends were together in the same room. For the first time ever. Only Ethan was missing.

- "(Y/N), where do you have more dishes?"- Prentiss asked her as (Y/N) walked back from the kitchen, carrying a tray with drinks.

- "I'll help you"- I quickly ran to the kitchen and grabbed a few more dishes, plus napkins and a few coasters.

- "Thank you, honey bunny"- (Y/N) whispered and smiled at me when I walked back with everything.

- "You surely know your way around this house."- JJ pointed out, with a somehow suspicious tone of voice.

- "We hang out here a lot."- I explained and looked around, trying to find my beer.

- "Here you have, doc"- Mikey handed me a cold one, and I nodded- "The band has a gig Halloween night. If you are in town, you have to go."

- "Sure! I'd love to!"

- "You have a band?"- Garcia asked awed, and Mikey nodded- "You two? together?"

- "Yeah"- Mikey confirmed and looked at Frank, who talked with Morgan and (Y/N)- "Nugget and the doc are our biggest fans. They never miss a show when they are in town."

- "You go to rock shows?!"- Garcia was now in shock and hit my arm- "Does he go to the shows wearing band's t-shirts and jeans?! or in his usual wardrobe??"

Mikey chuckled and looked at me with a confused stare.

- "They don't hang out with you outside work a lot, do they?"

- "Yes! We do!"- and Penelope nearly jumped, insulted by those words- "We are just surprised 'cos there's a whole lot of our resident genius we haven't seen yet! like... going to rock shows!"

- "So you haven't seen him drunk? 'cos drunk doc is a beast!"

- "I am not a beast!"

- "I haven't seen him drunk! Boy wonder!! Why are you wilder with (Y/N)'s friends and not with us?"

- "We are his friends too,"- Mikey corrected her and smiled- "And we might push doc a little further, like the day we bet we couldn't drink a box of milk in 30 seconds."

I laughed, thinking about that moment, embarrassed and amused at the same time. It was true; the guys and I had a completely different dynamic than the one I had with my work team. Probably because from day one, neither Lu, Mikey, nor Frank labeled me as a dork. Well, sure, I was one, but so were them. They made me part of the group instead of being the "weird one" of the group. Somehow with Mikey, Lu, and Frank, I could be just plain Spencer and not Doctor Reid and allow myself to do silly, weird, dorky things, not afraid to be judged.

- "When did that happen?!"- JJ was in shock, overhearing that conversation and walking over with Lu.

- "A few weeks ago,"- Mikey answered and chuckled. I wasn't drunk that night; we just had a few beers. And it had been Frank who was incredibly persuasive about trying the milk challenge.

- "I made an equation, and we tried to beat it,"- I explained JJ, and Mikey laughed right away- "According to it, a regular human being might drink a whole box of milk in 33,3 seconds, and Frank argue he could do it in 30."

- "Spoiler, he couldn't"- Mikey added- "But he gave it a good fight, nearly died, choking."

- "Technically, he would have drowned"- I corrected- "It's called "dry drowning." It happens when water is in the mouth or nose and the vocal cords spasm, trapping the water, causing the person to asphyxiated."

- "That's a real thing?"- Garcia questioned in shock.

- "Yes, you drown, but you don't get any water in your lungs. Instead, it goes through your nose and your mouth, and the muscles close off and spasm."

- "Wow"- Mikey tapped on my back a few times and smiled- "I love that you know so much weird shit, doc. Happy birthday!"

- "Thank you..."

My birthday celebration was a blast. Mikey, Lu, and Frank were the hit of the party, and the BAU loved them. Penelope had a rocky start with Mikey, I think 'cos she was a little jealous I had done more weird things with them than with her, but everything was smooth after they shared their third beer.

I laughed so much my face hurt. Morgan and Frank told the weirdest and most incredible stories. Prentiss came up with a few fun games to play, and everybody was on board with them. Even Hotch. Lu and JJ talked a lot, and the two of them seemed to get along just fine.

(Y/N) was incredible. She made sure everything was perfect. The fact my birthday party had Halloween decorations melted my heart. She had all my favorite snacks, pizza toppings, and drinks. Even a Halloween cupcake. What else could I ask for in life? I had everything I always dreamt of: a family. And a best friend who loved me. Not in the same way I did love her, but you can't always have everything in life, right?

- "Thank you for everything, Munchkin!!"- one drunk Garcia hugged (Y/N) for the hundredth time, standing by the door. At two in the morning, she was the only one left, along with Morgan, who was her drive back home.

- "See you Monday at work, batgirl"- (Y/N) hugged her and giggled as Garcia nearly choked her with her tight embrace.

- "And you come here!!"- Penelope hugged me too and kissed my cheek- "I love you so much, boy wonder!! I'm so happy you are happy, 'cos you deserve to be the happiest you can be!"

- "Thank you, Garcia,"- I giggled and looked at Morgan- "Are you going to be ok?"

- "Hey!"- Penelope hit my arm (for the hundredth time that night) and frowned- "What do you mean if he is going to be ok? I can behave!"

- "I know you can! I'm sure you can! I'm asking Morgan 'cos it's late and he has to drive!"

- "I'm gonna be ok, kid."- Derek answered and smiled at me- "Do you need a ride?"- I shook my head and heard the words I was secretly waiting to listen to all night long.

- "You can crush the couch if you want to,"- (Y/N) suggested and turned to me, shrugging.

- "I can help you clean,"- I added right away, and she smiled. Morgan stayed still, staring at me, and I swear he was trying to read every single facial movement I could do. So I just looked at him and smiled.

- "Ok then, we'll leave you two alone. See you Monday at work"- Derek tapped on my back and gave (Y/N) a small hug. Garcia winked and walked out.

Just like that, it was finally just the two of us.

- "Did you have fun?"- (Y/N) whispered after she closed the door and rested her back against the wood. I nodded and smiled, staring at her eyes shine.

- "Very much. This was actually my first surprise party."

- "Ever?"- (Y/N) questioned and frowned- "Really? then I am glad I didn't know that before, 'cos I don't think I could have managed the pressure of having to make you the best surprise party on earth."

- "You raised to the occasion"- she smiled and walked to the kitchen. And I followed her.

- "Are you hungry?"- I heard her asking as she opened the fridge. I grabbed a bunch of dishes and glasses on my way to the kitchen and piled them on the sink.

- "Not really. I think it was really too much pizza."

- "Spencer Walter Reid, there is never enough pizza,"- she argued, trying to stay serious.

- "My stomach is telling me otherwise."

- "So there's no room left for a slice of chocolate raspberry cake?"- I turned around and found her smiling from the fridge. She held a cake and giggled playfully.

- "You baked another?"

- "I had some free time this morning, and I had the feeling this is how the evening was going to end."

I don't think there are enough words in the vocabulary to express how those words made me feel. And most of all, I don't think my brain functioned correctly each time (Y/N) looked at me how she was going that moment.

- "So honey. You, me, your new blu ray of the 7th season of Doctor Who."

- "Which blu ray?"

- "The one I just got you, dork."

When I thought I couldn't love her more. There it was. My doom.

- "You are just making this incredibly impossible for your birthday,"- I joked, and she burst out laughing.

- "You can see through me, doctor. I hate it."

- "I'm the best profiler in the BAU, (Y/N)."

- "Really? then why didn't you discover I was planning this party?"- I made a pause and bit my inner cheek. (Y/N) turned to me again and crossed her arms on her chest, waiting for an answer.

- "I'm guessing 'cos you are the best liar in the BAU."

- "You are god damn right."

We cleaned the living room, left most of the dirty dishes piled on the sink to take care of them in the morning. Then we cuddled on the couch with a cup of tea and some cake each.

- "Are you comfortable?"- I asked her wrapping my arm around her neck as she rested her head on my shoulder.

- "Perfect, you?"

- "Me too"

- "Hit it, then. It's time travel time, doc."

(Y/N)'s point of view

I woke up in Spencer's arms. He was taking me bridal style to my room. My face was pressed against his chest, and I swear I felt butterflies in my stomach just feeling his smell.

- "What is going on?"- I mumbled and saw him smiling at me.

- "You were snoring on the couch, so I'm taking you to bed."- he whispered, placing me carefully on my bed. Then, he took out my shoes and covered me with the blanket.

- "Stay,"- I pleaded and held his hand- "Don't sleep on the couch tonight. Stay with me."

I kept my eyes closed, 'cos it was embarrassing to see him as I asked him to sleep with me on the same bed.

- "Are you sure?"

- "It's your birthday. You can't sleep on a couch. And it's not like it hadn't happened before."

I knew I was right. We had slept together in the same room many times while we were out of town during cases. We had also slept together in the same bed before when Reid was detoxing in my house; though we never actually talked about it, it just happened. Those times we literally just passed out due to exhaustion. But this time was different. That was me asking him to stay with me. And he didn't refuse.

I heard him take off his shoes and then walked around the room until he reached the other side of the bed and got under the covers with me.

- "Good night, batsy,"- I whispered and snuggled closer to him. He didn't even hesitate and hugged me tight, leaving a sweet kiss on the top of my head.

- "Good night, chipmunk"- his voice was soft and careful, just as his hands were caressing my back. I sighed and snuggled even closer, craving more of his touch.

- "Happy birthday, honey bunny."

- "Thank you, ma chère"- those words gave me shivers, and the way he murmured them made me feel things I shouldn't have felt for him, especially if he was in that bed with me.

I didn't want to be in love with Spencer. But I couldn't stop those feelings. I had to remind myself he didn't see me the same way. It was hard to deal with those feelings when I was cuddled with him in my bed. And I knew I had gotten under that situation willingly. But I just couldn't help myself. For once, I wanted to know what it felt like to sleep in Spencer's arms. I could pretend to be cool the following day, but right there under those blankets, all I wanted was to pretend he loved me the way I loved him.

Is that too sad? Maybe pathetic? Holding your best friend close in the middle of the night, pretending he is your boyfriend. Feeling how you fall deeper and deeper in love with him, knowing you will never actually kiss him or even romantically hold his hand. But it doesn't matter, 'cos what he gives you every day is way more important than that.

I snuggled closer to Spencer, feeling how he locked his arms around me. I inhaled deeply, trying to burn in my memory how everything felt like. I looked at him for a second and decided to force myself to sleep. I knew it would be hard, 'cos though I was weary, I wanted to enjoy that moment for as long as possible.

There I was, The Ice Princess like Paul had called me once, melted in Spencer's arms, wishing there was a way to stay there forever.

- "Are you ok?"- I heard Reid whisper suddenly, slightly moving to put an eye on me.

- "Yeah, why?"

- "Because you can't sleep."

- "Am I keeping you up?"

- "No... I was worried you weren't comfortable."

- "I am"- I murmured and sighed- "I was just going over the day again. But I'll fall asleep in a minute."

- "Ok..."

- "Are you comfortable?"- he hummed in response and caressed my back sweetly until I started zoning out slowly.

I didn't want to fall asleep, 'cos being awake for once was better than dreaming.

Yes. As cheesy as that.

I woke up to the smell of coffee the next morning. Spencer had made breakfast, and he had also done pretty much all the dishes. As a result, my house was cleaner than it was before the party.

- "You didn't have to clean the whole place on your own,"- I argued as I sat at the kitchen island and sipped my cup of coffee.

- "I know, but I wanted to thank you for throwing an amazing party- Spencer smiled and held his cup of coffee with both hands for a moment- I wanted to make you breakfast, but all I managed to do was the Spencer Reid Special

- "You know I love it!"- I chuckled and watched him turn around to get me a bowl of cereal and milk.

- "Breakfast of champs!"- I teased and grabbed my spoon- "Did you sleep well?"

- "Yes, very much. You?"

- "I don't think I sleep. I fell unconscious. I didn't even hear you get out of bed. I was too tired. It's been a long couple of weeks."- I chewed my cereal as Spencer sat across from me.

- "Yes. But we've managed well without Gideon"- Spencer brought him up, and that surprised me. He hadn't talked about him or even said Gideon's name for the last few weeks.

- "Yeah, we did a fantastic job"- I reassured his words, and he nodded in silence- "Are you excited to meet David Rossi?"

- "Yeah! I mean, that man is a legend. I can't believe he wants to leave retirement and join the BAU again after all these years."

- "I heard he is freaking loaded"- I finished my cereal and sipped my coffee- "Garcia told me that he shouldn't even work anymore with all the money he has made from his book."

- "Why do you think he wants to come back to the BAU?"- Spencer asked and looked into my eyes with a childish expression.

- "I have no idea. Maybe being a millionaire is not as exciting as catching serial killers."

I stood up as I spoke and opened the fridge. There was still some cake left, and I knew Spencer would love to have his sugary coffee with even more sugar.

- "Or perhaps he has unfinished business,"- he said and smiled as soon as he saw the pastry.

- "I just hope he is nice. I don't want to deal with an asshole with a gigantic ego who can't handle working as a team."

- "I heard Hotch saying he is very nice."

- "Assholes are usually nice with Hotch."

- "Are you implying Hotch is an asshole?"- I set to dishes and frowned at Reid as I cut a slice of cake.

- "No! I am saying assholes respect him. And they are colleagues. I don't know if Rossi will work well with younger people, though."

- "We'll have to see tomorrow."

Reid was right. And I didn't want to create a false idea of David Rossi in my head before I met him. I had already read all of his books, and when Hotch told us he might join the team, I hyperventilated for a bit of bit. I mean it when I say David Rossi is a legend. Working along with him would be the most incredible experience ever. But only if he was nice.

I had worked hard for almost two years to get where I was in the BAU. And I didn't want to go through the whole process again, proving to Rossi I deserved to be where I was.

- "So, do you have any plans for today?"- Spencer asked me suddenly, and I just shook my head- "Mikey said they had a show on October 31st."

- "Yes! And that happens to be also Frank's birthday! So be prepared, 'cos if we are in town, we are gonna party hard that night!!"- Spencer smiled and nodded.

- "Then maybe we could go get him a present later,"- he suggested.

- "Deal. And perhaps some new Halloween decorations."

Oh! His excited face was priceless. That boy loves Halloween as much as I do, and each year we got all the best decor to keep our houses festive all year long. 'Cos we are Halloween dorks.

- "You know, Garcia and JJ were pretty shocked last night when they found out I go out and party with you and the guys."

- "Why?"- I cut him a second slice of cake and put it on his dish. He shrugged and sipped his coffee.

- "I guess they didn't know I am human."

- "Don't say that, honey."

- "It was a little upsetting too."

- "Why?"

- "'Cos they kept calling them "your friends," referring to you, and they kept telling them they are my friends too. What? So now I can't party or have friends?"

Spencer was honestly upset with those facts, and I could totally understand why. Everybody treated him like a kid and a nerd. They now knew he did things that weren't expected from someone like him, like going to rock shows and partying. So, of course, they were going to be shocked.

- "Have I ever told you meeting you is the best thing that the BAU has given me?"- I answered, in a rush of honesty that came out of nowhere.

- "No"- he mumbled and pouted like a kid- "Why are you telling me this?"

- "'Cos I wanted you to know."- I smiled and stared at him for a second- "Never let anyone make you feel you are less than awesome, Spencer Walter Reid. 'Cause you are the most amazing person I've ever met."

The way he looked at me, in a weird mix between shock and gratitude, melted me. After that, he didn't say anything; he just blushed. And I guess I was too scared to continue talking, 'cause all I managed to do next was excuse myself and lock in the bathroom to shower.

Spencer's point of view

I walked into the bullpen the following Monday, ready to spread my Halloween love. After spending Sunday with (Y/N), I was in a fully Halloween mood. We had gotten Frank a birthday present, also did some Halloween shopping, and even got pumpkins to carve that day after work. October is my favorite month, and Halloween is hands down my favorite season.

- "I'm going to eat you!!"- I groaned on Morgan's neck and made him jump in frighten as Prentiss laughed, staring at the scene. I was wearing a Frankenstein mask, carrying bags of candies and a bunch of decorations for my desk and the office.

- "Reid!"- Derek complained, but I just smiled and took off my mask.

- "Happy all hallows eve, folk!!"- I waved and walked to my desk- "To paraphrase from Celtic mythology, tomorrow night, all order is suspended, and the barriers between the natural and the supernatural are temporarily removed!!"- I joked and threw Emily a plastic vudú head. But Morgan wasn't in the mood, I guess.

- "See, that right there is why Halloween creeps me out."

- "You are scared of Halloween??"- I narrowed my eyes and looked at him, not getting what he was talking about.

- "I didn't say I was scared. I said I was creeped out. There's a difference there, youngster. You should look it out."

- "What creeps you out about it?"- Emily asked what I was about to.

- "I don't know, people wearing masks"- he pointed at me and added- "I don't like folks in disguises."

- "That's the best thing about Halloween. You can be anyone you want to be"- I argued and threw some candies to him to cheer up his morning.

- "Nah, I'm pretty good just being me."

- "Yeah, why is it that neither of those points of view surprises me?"

Emily joked and shook her head. I was about to discuss Morgan's point when I saw (Y/N) walk into the bullpen. She was carrying a gigantic plastic Jacko lantern while wearing a zombie mask we had just gotten together the day before.

- "I want brain!!"- she moaned, and Emily laughed as soon as she saw her.

- "Not you too, princess!!"- Morgan whined as soon as he saw her- "We were just talking about this."

- "What? You are not a Halloween fan?"

- "Not as much as you two nerds"- he answered and shook his head- "You know what, though? On the flip side, it does provide a pretty good reason to cozy up with a scary flick and a little Halloween honey."

And as soon as Derek said those words, (Y/N) and Emily frowned, disgusted.

- "Halloween honey, now I am creeped out,"- Emily argued, and (Y/N) shook her head, leaving the Jacko lantern on her desk carefully.

- "Guys, he's here,"- I warned them, trying to be as discreet as possible, but I don't think it worked. David Rossi walked over, along with section chief Erin Strauss. (Y/N) made a gesture and reminded me to take off my mask, as I quickly did my best to look presentable. Rossi just smiled at us and walked straight to Hotch's office.

- "So, do you guys think he is going to stay here for good?"- (Y/N) asked, standing by my side. She reached out and handed me a bag filled with my favorite candies for no reason and just smiled.

- "I don't know. Maybe they asked him to fill in while they find a replacement for Gideon,"- Emily said, her eyes glued at Hotch's office, though none of us could see a thing of what was going on in there. We just saw Strauss walking out and JJ walking over, most likely to announce Hotch we had a case.

- "So, what did you guys do Saturday after we left?"- Morgan asked (Y/N) and me and smiled pleased, probably ready to tease us over anything we might tell him.

- "Nothing really, we got naked and did the dirty on every spot you sat on in my apartment."

(Y/N) answered as casually as possible, not even paying attention to his face. Emily burst out laughing, and I know I blushed, looking down at the files on my desk.

- "There's no need to get all defensive, princess,"- Morgan answered and shook his head, smiling at her.

- "Well, it's not the first time you ask about what we've done with that teasing tone of voice, so excuse me for giving you the answer you wanted to hear."

- "Guys,"- I whispered and looked over. Emily and Derek stood up as soon as they noticed Hotch and Rossi were walking towards us.

- "SSA David Rossi, this is SSA Emily Prentiss"

- "Sir!"- she smiled and shook his hand as he nodded.

- "SSA Derek Morgan,"- Hotch announced, and my friend shook Rossi's hand.

- "It's an honor, agent Rossi."

- "Please, just Dave."

- "SSA (Y/L/N)"- he said, and (Y/N) shook his hand too.

- "Nice to meet you, sir."

- "And Doctor Spencer Reid"

- "Sir, if I could talk to you later about your work with the Scarsdale skinner. Psycho-linguistics is an incredibly dynamic field, and the fact that your profile for his reading habit ultimately led to his capture is something I find so incredibly intriguing."

- "Reid"- I know I was carried away when Hotch interrupted me- "Reid, slow down. He'll be here for a while. You can catch up with him later."

Rossi was a little overwhelmed. I'm guessing it was because he was meeting many new people, which can be pretty intimidating at any age. So I smiled and nodded.

- "Sorry,"- I whispered and looked at Hotch to see if he was mad at me, but no. If anything, he was amused.

- "No problem, doctor,"- Rossi added and smiled.

- "Maybe you guys can talk on the jet,"- Hotch suggested, surprising Rossi.

- "The jet?"

- "We've got a jet now"- and Hotch even smiled at Rossi, who was honestly shocked.

- "Are you serious?"

- "Yeah, it comes pretty handily. Come on, JJ is waiting."

Hotch and Rossi walked away to the conference room. Emily followed them, along with Morgan, who also teased me and smiled. I stood still and waited for (Y/N) for a second and felt her hand on mine as we walked to catch with the team. She just smiled, and I did the same. Moments like those were the ones that made me keep going, kept me sane, and made me feel honestly happy. I didn't want it to end.

But it did. Eventually.

The case took us to Carrollton, Texas. It was the first one we had with David Rossi as a part of the team, and it was weird. Rossi didn't really know how to work as a team, and if there was something the BAU had in its DNA was working together, no matter what.

The first time on the field with him, he barely talked to (Y/N) or me. As a matter of fact, she then pointed out she felt we were on his way. In fact, he collected his thoughts and wrote everything he might come up with but never spoke it out loud. So we had to take the words from him.

- "The man is a legend, (Y/N)"- I sipped his coffee and looked at how my best friend shook her head. We were sitting at the Carrollton police office, waiting for Hotch to finish talking with the police chief so we could deliver the profile to all the officials.

- "So? The fact he is a famous profiler means he can't fucking talk to us? give me a break! he is acting like a diva!"

- "He and Gideon created the BAU"- I tried to make a point, but I knew I didn't have any good point to save Rossi from my best friend's.

- "We are ready to deliver the profile,"- JJ announced, and the two of us stood up quickly- "Hey, I'm sorry you missed your concert,"- she whispered as we walked to meet the rest of the team.

- "Yeah, I was looking forward to seeing Frank and Mikey's band live,"- I said and smiled at her, surprised she remembered it.

- "Were your friends too upset?"

- "No, they are already used to it, which is actually pretty upsetting too. That means we've lost a lot of shows. But they know it's because we are working, and not because we don't want to go"- JJ smiled at me and chuckled slightly.

- "What? You still can't believe I go to rock shows?"- I asked her and raised an eyebrow, trying to understand her reaction.

- "No, it's just that you keep saying "we," and it makes you sound like you are an old married couple who does everything together,"- she answered and shook her head as she pointed at (Y/N) and me. I didn't know what to say at that, and I don't think (Y/N) heard her, or she would have said something (anything) to JJ. I just stared at her confused, and she cut me one more smile before we heard Emily speak.

- "There's a sophistication and patience in what this unsub does that suggests a level of maturity. We believe this puts his age in the mid-30s to 40s range."- Prentiss started describing the serial killer we were hunting. I turned to her and nodded, ready to continue giving the profile.

- "Michelle Colucci was taken from the primary crime scene and disposed of at the tertiary crime scene four days later. That means she was held somewhere for at least three days. You can't really just hold a victim anywhere for days on end, so he most likely has access to a house of some kind."

- "And he's also fairly tech-savvy"- Morgan continued- "The fliers were made on a computer, and it's probable that he used a device to intercept the last victim's phone call."

- "Witnesses in the victim's neighborhood say they might have seen a white man putting up fliers, but none of them could describe him. Even with all the media this case has received"- Hotch added. One of the detectives sighed, annoyed we couldn't give him anything better.

- "Great"

- "Actually, what that tells us is that there is absolutely nothing remarkable about this man,"- (Y/N) said and looked straight into the detective's eyes- "He is exceedingly average. Average height, average build."

- "It extends to his professional life as well,"- I added and nodded at her- "He most likely works in a field where he doesn't stand out. Doesn't really make a mark."

- "His lack of distinction is part of his psychopathy,"- (Y/N) said and took a look around the room- "We have hundreds of interactions with people every day. Most of those involve someone overlooking someone else. Most of us don't pay attention to being ignored, but to this kind of unsub, each oversight is intentional, especially when it comes from this object of sexual desire. He begins to obsess over her until she is all he can think about, and the rage builds until he has to attack that person."

- "So he is pissed off that nobody noticed him?"- the sheriff asked and narrowed his eyes. Most people get upset when they find out serial killers do what they do for such pointless reasons.

Hotch was starting to explain his plan to the sheriff and how we would make him contact the police when his attention focused on the tv. The news showed the exact same mask the killer was using on his victims, something we had explicitly asked everybody not to share with the press.

- "JJ, how'd they get that?"- Hotchner's voice was shocked and upset. JJ looked at him, confused, shaking her head.

- "Not from me! Hotch, I called the local police departments, and I stressed withholding the mask!"

- "I called them"- Rossi pointed to the tv as soon as he walked into the room and didn't give it much thought to what was going on. We all looked at each other, confused, and waited for Aaron's reaction.

- "What?"

- "I said the FBI think the mask means he's impotent,"- Rossi explained, and none of us moved or even said a word. All we could notice was how Hotch's face was trying to hide his anger.

- "Can I speak to you for a second?"- he asked David, and the two of them walked away.

- "So, assholes were usually nice with Hotch, right?"- I whispered into (Y/N)'s ear and heard her chuckle. Morgan looked at us and frowned. I guess it wasn't the time for humor after all.

- "So the legend likes to fly solo,"- Prentis whispered as she stood by our side.

- "Are you surprised?"- (Y/N) crossed her arms on her chest and sighed. All of us kept an eye on the door that separated us from Hotch and Rossi.

- "I don't know. I wasn't expecting this today, but I can't say I'm shocked either"- Emily murmured and shook her head- "I just thought maybe he'd know how to work with a team."

- "Now I'm scared,"- (Y/N) said and looked around- "Do you think he knows how to work with females on the team? Or will he keep asking us to bring him coffee?"- Prentiss chuckled at (Y/N)'s words, and Morgan placed a hand on her shoulder.

- "Come on, princess, he is old but not that old."

- "I already went through a lot to validate myself in front of Aaron and Gideon the last two years"- (Y/N) confessed- "I am not planning to do the same with him. He has to know, everybody in this team is here for a reason."

- "We are not letting him do that,"- Derek assured her and cut him a warm smile- "Personally, I won't let him do that."

We caught the killer later that very same day. Well, Rossi killed him, to be completely honest. The team reached his house and saved the last victim. She was hurt, but she was going to be ok soon. The neighborhood was filled with kids trick or treating, and the fact the area was surrounded by police cars and ambulances alerted everybody.

- "Honey..."- (Y/N) whispered and held my hand as she walked me down the street- "Those kids are watching the police procedure, and I don't wanna ruin their Halloween."- she said and pouted.

- "Do you wanna give them some candies?"- I asked her and opened my satchel- "I still got some of the ones you gave me."

- "I love you so much"- she kissed my cheek and grabbed some of the candies. I stayed still for a second and just stared at her walking to the kids and how their faces lit up when they saw the candies. I guessed that's how I looked whenever she walked to me.

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Next update: June 2nd, 2021