#i had a lot of fun making thissssss

[heartfullofleeches]

Liu [Yan Shapeshifter] and Darling utilizing Liu's mimicry to record some background ambience for a haunted house Darling is setting up. It's all fun and games until Liu pulls Darling aside to ask them something very important.

"Y/n?... Tonight has been a wonderful experience... Never would've guessed to use my er.... "gift" like this before. Spending time with you is what makes this season special to me... But there's something I need to ask you."

Concern creeps into the corners of your mind as your partner grips your shoulder, adverting their gaze. "What is it, Liu?"

Their unoccupied hand claws at the skirt of their apron, sorrow dripping from their words. "Promise me that no matter what I say, your feelings for me will never change?"

"I promise, Liu."

Liu takes in a breath, eyes drawing up to meet with yours.

"Would you still love me.... if I sounded like thissssss-"

Within seconds, their voice ages like a glass of milk left out in the blistering sun on a hot summer day. Dry and leathery, it reminds you a lot of their older neighbor next door who is far sweeter than his booming voice leads him on to be. The frequent loss of his hearing aids probably had something to do with that.

Lightheartedly swatting their hands away, you weave out of the way as Liu swoops in for a hug. "Liu. No. Cut it out-"

The attempt at seriousness in your tone stands to test against laughter you struggle to keep at bay.

Liu wraps their arms around you from behind, gingerly rubbing their nose to your cheek. "What's the matter, Sugar? Thought you said your feelings for me would stay the same regardless of what I had to say-"

"Last time I checked I was dating a twenty-four year old person. Not a man four times that age on his deathbed."

"I age every second you pretend like you don't love this. I'll be in a coffin soon enough."

"I love you, Liu.

"I love you too."

"If it means anything, I think your voice sounds best when it's you talking."

"It does."

[thesmutalorian]

Yeah  they made the feral predator way too hot. The credits came on and I immediately went to Ao3 like “let’s see what the girlies have to say about thissssss” 🤭 I saw the original predator almost a decade ago and as much as I liked it, never would of guessed I’d be here now 🙂

 the ooman shit kills me, like why do they have these scary ass aliens saying such silly shit I’m gonna die. 

Turns ouuuuut, I actually have more to sayyyyy, but you don’t have to respond: I feel bad bc I don’t have an Ao3 account so I can never comment, but Gorl if I did, id have a whole essay for every chapter, including reaction images 😤. Ik you aren’t currently writing from Ta'Kesh’s POV (which is perfectly fine lol), but I really appreciated how you did so. The predator POV is so fun to read, they’re just so damn cold and pragmatic and just ALIEN yk? (Ta’kesh makes me laugh bc he’s such a lil psycho lol). At least when done right I think. The dynamic you have set up is really interesting, like I love a good slow burn enemies to friends to lovers, but the cultural differences and species hierarchy sets it up for some really fascinating (JUICY) interactions/character development. I was unfortunate enough to come upon your story very early, there aren’t many other fics that hold up to the standard you set! (Have you read The Devil You Know? One of the only other quality fics I’ve found that seems to accurately portray that sort of dynamic- 10/10 recommend). 

But anyway, the arrogance, the entitlement, just the cold bluntness makes predator fic so engaging to me. When you take a person with that deeply ingrained of a mindset (that’s another aspect I love, the question of whether or not yautjas are innately “predatory” or if it’s largely due to cultural upbringing) and force them to interact with with someone they deem inferior in a way they never have had to before (and there was only ONE BED heheh) I’m eating that shit up with 2 hands like GOOD SOUP!!😤😤😤

 I appreciate it even more with a quality OC and I like Charlie a lot. I really struggle with reader/you fics bc beyond me just being like “lol I would not do that”, I like having an established character to root for :). She has an interesting past that you’ve managed to portray in an appealing and unostentatious way. Reminds me of Rust cohle from True Detective.  I like that she’s very brave, but not to the point of ridiculousness lol. She has her moments where she’s able to act courageously in order to try to survive, but still gets intimidated/scared (extremely valid) sometimes with the big ass scary aliens. Do you have anyone in mind for how she looks?

Some highlights so far:

Greatly enjoyed ta’kesh’s cringe fail lake venture where Charlie showed his ass up while he fucking stands in the background looking like a drowned ass rat ahahah but watching her Commit Violence like 👀

Idk why but aliens using bidets is so fucking funny to me

Kinda living for ta’kesh being a dork and talking to his cat all the time hehe

let me see what the girlies have to sayyyyy 👏🏼 absolutely the correct response. my friend and I stand by that alien v predator could've been entirely more romantic if they were brave enough but 🤪 no cause literallyyyyy when I read ooman I hear it in a baby voice and I canNOT take it seriously, like bless those authors truly but whoever started the ooman precedent.... I just wanna talk 🧍🏻‍♀️ and girly pop ofc I'm gonna respond you took the time to let me know how you feel and I /love/ interaction okay (I think there's a way to comment anon on ao3 with like a guest account or name or something but maybe I'm wrong idk) but either way you take the time I want to show my appreciation

I stopped his POV just cause I felt like I was backtracking and I'm already so slow (rip sorry) but I really do want to come back to it in the future just to have fun revealing his inner workings (cause sometimes I be writing things and giggling like pookie is such a brat and then I remember y'all can't hear the goofy ass voices in my head and you only know the story I show you) but yes yes their differences are gonna play out in so many ways that I just can't wait for 😇 AND YES IVE READ FRIGGY one of the few I made it all the way through and then had to literally have a whole moment to process that there wasn't a second part 😗😗 sick I tell you, sick,, but I completely understand the not being able to read FPOV or self insert because of the "ummm I would never" --- because that's EXACTLY how I started writing 💀😭 I was chatting w my friend and we were like ok but isn't it kinda weird how fast some of these fmc just like... accept the whole ass murder crab men? also--- how do they survive well in space and from there Charlie was born ahahahHA I was like ok but what if I made it realistic for bits (as realistic as scifi can be) and then asked people to suspend their disbelief for the fun bits like the space pond and the tail n shit 🤭🤭

I have a whole board of art for ta'kesh but I've never really stopped to think about Charlie 🧐🧐

YES DROWNED RAT IS SOOOOO RIGHT mans really does have an ego, which, like rightfully earned? but also... must be checked whenever author feels he needs it (all the time 😇)

the bidet was me being like what is something that isn't necessarily commonplace, but feels bougie enough that an advanced society would have it regularly around.... ah yes.... Bidet.

ta'kesh is a cat girl, confirmed

I promise to bring you more good soup in the future 🍲

[becca-becky]

moceit week, day 7: anniversary

Patton and Janus in Selfishness vs Selflessness Redux (x)

@moceit-appreciation-week @moceit

ids in reblog

[vanilla-vivillon]

Happy Wesper Week! We are doing a Wylan POV because I can’t write charm at all. This is a modern AU bachelor party. The grisha powers exist but everything else is made into there real life equivalent

TW very brief mentions of sex trafficking.

What am I doing here? Wylan thought to himself

When his boyfriend Jesper insisted on throwing there good friend Matthias a bachelor party Wylan thought maybe they would go to a nice bar or play some party games

Not get crazy drunk, Not set fire to the Dutch Garden, not get chased by cops, not perform a gas station heist and not catch one of his best friends making out with a gas station cashier

However it seemed the universe didn’t care for the thoughts of little ole Wylan Hendricks

“Let’s get this party started!” The Australian yelled

Wylan had to remindhimself he loved his boyfriend Jesper

“Can you not shout?” Matthias, the groom to be, begged

Wylan, Jesper, and there friends Kaz and Kuwei were throwing a bachelor party for Matthias

It took a lot to convince the Norwegian that this was indeed a great idea

Wylan had never been to a bachelor party before but he was excited for his boyfriend who adored them

“Do we really have to go to this bar Jesper?” Kaz groaned seeing the crazy bright neon sign

After years of knowing Kaz Brekker Wylan could tell that Kaz was cursing Inej for telling him to come

Nevertheless the boys all walk in and start ordering shots

“Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!” The boys chanted egging on Kaz and Matthias drinking contest

Well it was mostly Jesper and Kuwei chanting Wylan after having a couple drinks was staring at the twinkle in Jespers eyes

He really was beautiful Wylan thought to himself

Wylan attended the University of Amsterdam to mostly escape his father.

There he met his lifelong friends

Matthias a grumpy international exchange student who grew up in a very prominent and dangerous cult in Norway. He wants to be a Norwegian ambassador

Nina Zenik, a heartrender turned corpse witch who was actually a russian spy back in the day. Now she’s working to become an ambassador

Inej Ghafa, she started a non profit to help stop sex trafficking whitch takes her all over the World but she used to. be an acrobat and after that worked with Kaz as his spy

Kaz Brekker, someone who Wylan after years of knowing him isn’t quite sure if there truly friends, or the semi illegal activities he gets up to. Wylan thought his hacking days would be done after University but Kaz has built an online criminal empire

Kuwei Yul Bo a scientists apprentice from China. He was currently working on his masters degree along side Wylan.

And Jesper. How to describe Jesper Fahey. He was an exchange student from Australia. A fabricator with a gift with Guns. While Jesper loved his pistols he actually works for a nonprofit dedicated to gun safety and regulation

After a highly illegal heist on there trip to Norway during college they all bonded as a group

Especially Wylan and Jesper

Jesper with that twinkle

Jesper with that laugh

Jesper with the way he looked at him now

After many more drinks Kuwei had the idea of the century

“Yooooooo y’know what’s a good idea?” Kuwei said bringing his head up from where it was previously glued to the table

“More shhhhhhhhhots?” Jesper suggested clearly as drunk as Wylan

“A couple blocks away is The Dutch Garden, wanna see some prrrrrrrrrrretty flowers?”

Fun fact this is a real place in Amsterdam

Wylan turned towards Kaz expecting him to veto it then and there but to Wylans shock and horror Kaz said “Hell yeah”

“But, but, it’s super late it’s gonna be closed!” Matthias spluttered out

“We can sneak in from the back fence” Jesper said

When Jesper drank his Australian accent whitch had soften over the years of living in Amsterdam came through in all of its glory

When Wylan first met Jesper he thought he was completely out of his league

And that damn accent drove Wylan Insane

While Wylan was contemplating the wonder that was Jesper Llewelyn Fahey it seemed the group made a decision without him

And Wylan thought for the first time in this bachelor party

What am I doing here?

“C’mon Wylan just climb!” Kuwei whisper screamed at Wylan

The drunken lads had made it to the Garden and had found an area where there was a fence they could climb with relative ease

All of the others made it to the other side

Except Wylan

“Don’t you want to seeeeeee the flowwwwwwwers?” Kaz insisted

If Wylan needed any more proof he was the soberest man out of all of them Kaz saying the word ‘pretty’ that isn’t referencing Inej was a clear sign

“Baby pleeeeease” Jesper begged

Oh

Oh no

Not that face

Wylan thought of himself as a sensible person who doesn’t succumb to pressure easily

But when his boyfriend made that face

Where his cool grey eyes went big

And his face had a slight flush to it

Wylan

Broke

“Fine! But if we get arrested it’s on you guys!”

With the ease of a spider who’s leg got chopped off by a middle aged housewife who’s husband is cheating on her climbing up a wall Wylan somehow got across

It wasn’t pretty

And it wasn’t gonna make Kaz proud

But it was completed

Panting Wylan on the ground said “I think this is my biggest accomplishment”

“Not…. Putting away your father? Or growing past your Internalised homophobia? Or writing your first essay on your own?” Matthias suggested clearly bewildered

Hey so i know Wylan can’t actually read. But seeing as this is modern day and plenty of dyslexic people can read with help, I figured that Jan would refuse to take Wylan to a doctor or get him help with his dyslexia believing it was weak making Wylan unable to read. Buuuuut when he’s older it makes sense to me he does learn. I’m not trying to invalidate his experiences or “fix” him but for the sake of a modern AU I had to change some things.

“Nope. It’s climbing this fence” Wylan laughed as Jesper helped him up

“Everyday you remind why your my favorite human” Jesper said with a laugh

“Ewwwww it’s like you guys like to remind how I’m the only single one” Kuwei said with a throwing up motion

“Thanks Jesp- wait human?” Wylan asked confused

“Well my favorite thing is Milo of course” Jesper winked

“The- the goat in Russia?” Kaz inquired not quite wanting to believe what Jesper was saying

To Wylans knowledge Kaz, Inej and Jesper did some job in Russia before he ever met them

“Why of course” Jesper slung an arm around Wylan who was not quite sure how to feel about this goat

Kaz went to go look at some purple flowers and contemplate his life choices

“Oh my god guys…….” Matthias started “the flowers! They’re- they’re”

“Cmon Matty, share with the class” Kaz said apparently bored with the purple flowers

“They’re so preeeeeeeetty” Matthias eyes welled up with tears

“Oh Saints tell me he’s not crying” Kuwei Moaned

Jesper walked over to where Matthias was stroking a hydrangea

“They are soooooooo pretty” Jespers eyes also Welled up with tears

“Fuck this shit” Kuwei said taking out a lighter and cigarette

“Hey! Smoking is very bad for you Kuwei!” Wylan lectured

“Wylan. I’m an inferni. Smoking foesnt affect us” Kuwei rolled his golden brown eyes

“Yeah but we’re in a highly flammable garden! And the rest of us aren’t inferni!” Wylan said

It seemed during Kuwei and Wylans arguement Kaz had also joined the cult of flowers that Matthias and Jesper were fixated on

“Wylan stop smoke shaming me!” And the scientists went back and fourth

“KUWEI YOU PIECE OF-“ Wylan started then sniffed the air “is that, is that smoke?” Wylan asked

“Holy shit dudes there’s a fire!” Kaz yelled pointing at where the cigarette Kuwei droppped

It seemed that the cigarette lit fire to a big wall of flowers

“This is why I never wanted a bachelor party!” Matthias moaned

The boys could hear voices coming towards them

Then all of the men looked at each other

And all of them yelled “RUN!”

All of them starting sprinting to the fence

And Kaz with his limp scrambled up that fence the fastest

Guess his determination to not get caught was strong

Wylan started climbing as fast as he could whitch wasn’t very fast

“Cmon Merchling!” Jesper said at the top reaching out a hand to his boyfriend

Wylan took it and stared at the steel eyes that had first enraptured him years ago

“Hey Stop!” Looking back Wylan and Jesper saw three security guards running towards them and yelling at them to stop

Jesper yanked Wylan up and they both fell off the fence in a pile

Jesper took Wylans hand and they all started booking it to Wylan’s car

Wylan who had sobered up in the whole endeavor determined that he was probably sober enough to drive

Piling in they all shoved themselves in the car

Wylan turned on the gas and starte to get the car back on the road

“I can’t believe we ran from cops!” Matthias said in between panting

“That was awesome!” Jesper exclaimed from the passenger seat

Wylan laughed

He had never been a spontaneous person

It seemed this night was a lot more fun then he thought

Until he heard the sirens

From the backseat Kaz turned

And three police cars were zooming towards them

“I am not going down for arson!” Kuwei yelled

“Wylan stop driving like a grandma and go faster! There gaining on us!” Kaz screamed at Wylan

“I can’t there’s a stoplight!”

“Run it!” Jespers shrill voice screamed at him

And Wylan did what he swore to never do

He took a deep breath

And ran that light as fast as he could

They were flying

Wylan had never seen how fast he could make his car go

Turns out it was fast

Wylan used some of his dads money to buy a sports car just to rub it in Jans face

With the top off and blood rushing through Wylans head he had never felt more alive

His boy beside him

His friends behind him

“WOOOOOOOOO!” Kuwei yelled throwing his hands up

Jesper joined Kuwei as the car sped down the street

Matthias was looking a little green

“Matty you okay back there?” Wylan shouted back at the Norwegian

“No!” Matthias shouted over the roar of engine and Jesper and Kuweis yips and yells

Some point during this Kaz called Inej

“Inej I hate thissssss!” Wylan couldn’t hear what Inej said back but from the pieces Kaz gave it was obvious

“No im not drunk!……. Psh of course those aren’t sirens…… Inej we might’ve bended the law but I swear it wasn’t my fault!…….. alright bye. ….I love you to….”

After what seemed like an eternity Wylan finally lost the police

Laughing the Wylan pulled into a gas station for refill

Wylan stepped out of the car and began to refill his car and thought for the millionth time what am I doing here?

“Wylannnnnn” Kuwei moaned

“What Kuwei?” Wylan said already exasperated

“Wylan I’m hungryyyyyy”

“Then go grab some chips or something!”

“But I don’t want to pay for it!”

“Then I guess that sucks for you!”

“You got like a million dollars from stealing me from Norway! You owe me!”

Ghezen Wylan hated drunk people

“Let’s perform a heist on the gas station!” Matthias said apparently done feeling sick

“What? No! We aren’t stealing from the gas station!” Wylan lectured

“It might actually be fuuuuuuun Wy” Kaz begged

The rest of the party were already getting out of the car ignoring Wylans protests

“We will do a simple distract act, Kuwei will go in first and lead the cashier away, and then we go in and steal chips” Kaz explained

It seemed even drunk Kaz could scheme

“This is insane!” Wylan exclaimed

“You said that about rescuing Kuwei from the Norwegian government but that ended up great” Matthias replied

They were gonna do this with or without Wylan

With a sigh Wylan thought what am I doing here?

Kuwei had gone in and had given the single

Wylan had walked in after pretending to look at some sodas and after Kuwei went into the back room with the cashier Wylan sent a quick text to the rest of the guys to come In and get raiding

Like clockwork Matthias, Jesper, and Kaz went in and they started ransacking the place

Wylan was in charge of Sodas, Matthias was in charge of Chips, and Jesper was in charge of Candy

Kaz had the most important job of all

He had to hack into there computers and wipe the security cameras

If Kaz couldn’t do that then Kaz would have to actually hack into the computers from his phone

It almost suprised Wylan how quickly efficiently, and quietly, a bunch of drunk guys could ransack a gas station

Wylan did feel guilty for a moment

But then he remembered how the CEO of the company the gas station is owned by has had multiple sexual misconduct allegations and Wylan felt better

Wylan got all the soda he could carry and rushed back to the car dumping them in the backseat

Soon after Matthias followed then Jesper and a little while after Kaz

Wylan did a quick headcount “wait where’s Kuwei?”

Wylan checked his phone

No texts from him

Shit shit shit

“Someone has to go back in” Kaz said

“I’ll go after him” Wylan said with a sigh

He loved Kuwei like a brother

But like an annoying little brother constantly getting himself in messes

Wylan Walked in and saw the e cashier wasn’t back

Wylan walked through the store and then heard something towards the men’s bathroom

Walking closer to the door the noises were getting a bit louder

Wylan opened the door slamming it against the wall

There stood a wide eyed Chinese kid and from the green uniform Wylan guessed was the cashier

The cashier who was standing between Kuweis legs. Kuwei who was sitting in the edge of the bathroom sink

There’s arms were around each other

Wylan was confused

What was Kuwei doing?

Oh

Oh

“Get your ass in the car Kuwei!” Wylan yelled

Kuwei gave whispered sorries to the cashier while collecting his jacket he apparently threw off

Wylan dragged Kuwei by the arm outside the store

“Kuwei. When we say distract the cashier, that means distract, not make oht with him!” Wylan lectured

“Cmon Wylan you saw him, he was cute!”

“Your drunk Kuwei!”

“Aren’t we all a little drunk in life?”

“That makes absolutely no sense” Wylan said with a sigh “just go to the car”

Kuwei happily skips away

Wylan had just dropped off Matthias at his and Ninas apartment after dropping off Kaz and Kuwei

Leaving just Wylan, Jesper, and an unhealthy amount of snacks in the car

“Hey Wylan” Jesper said

“Yes Jes?”

“I love you”

“I love you to Jesper”

“No wylan” Jesper took Wylan’s face in his hands

“I really love you” Jesper Pushed a ginger lock away from Wylans face

Jesper then reached into his pocket and pulled out a rumpled purple flower and tucked it into Wylans hair “I really really really love you”

Wylan blinked. Jesper was so drunk.

Wylan gave Jesper a soft smile and placed a kiss on his mouth

“I love you to Jesper”

And suddenly Wylan knew exactly what he was doing there

Finnally finished this in the Nick of time! @neilperryisalive I hope you enjoy this! I was seriously worried I wouldn’t be able to finish it but I did! I’ve never written Wesper but I really enjoyed it. My ask box is open and I take any Grishaverse requests

[milstrim]

Happy Fanfic Writer Friday!!! Tell me your favourite thing about your latest story or WIP! Don’t be shy, give it the praise it deserves!!!

Happy FFWF!!

Oh no I’m bad at thISSSSSS uhhh I’m gonna go with my most recent Ashes Chapter.

—

It was pretty late, but as he raised his fist to knock, the door was flung open. Penny's wide eyes met his own, and he smiled.

"Hey, kid. How've you--" Tony unwillingly let out an mmph! as Penny barreled into his chest, wrapping her arms around him as though she would never let go. Righting himself was a struggle, and the man considered himself lucky that he didn't collapse into the other wall. Penny was stronger than he'd given her credit for, "Whoa! Hey, hey--are you okay?"

"M'fine," Penny mumbled, suddenly going ramrod straight and letting go of him, "Sorry. I probably shouldn't've--"

"Nope. I love the hug. Your hugs are the best, but don't tell Rhodey," he assured, wrapping her back up in the hug. It took her a moment to relax into it, but within seconds the teenager had melted in his arms, burying her face into the crook of his elbow.

—

I really liked this part because it shows a fundamental part of what I’m trying to accomplish through my Ashes fic, which is this uncertain familial connection. Both Penny and Tony are struggling to reach out and be other’s family, very hesitant of reaction for each other. I wanted to try and test out how far their relationship has come, and separating them allowed me to make them more daring to expressing love for each other, even if they’re hesitant to admit it. It’s a lot of fun for how far theyve come and just how evil I’ll be later >:)

Thank you so much for asking dude!!!

Link to the fic here

[babydollsmadd]

3 + 10 + 11+ 12 for Zazie, 14 and 15 for everyone, 18 for Nyru, 29 for Tatsu 8) 👀👀 have fun answering!!! ✨

3. who are Zazie’s best friends?

His best friends are Nyru & Tatsu! They’re the people that matter most to him, and they’re super close. He’s had romantic/physical relationships with both of them, and despite all the drama that happens between them, they somehow always manage to overcome those issues. Their friendship is something that lasts a life time.

10. who does/do Zazie love the most? hate?

Love and hate lie very close together, and the people he likes having around are also the ones that sometimes drive him mad with rage. He treasures his friends a lot, especially his best friends, but sometimes he simply needs a time out. He generally dislikes most people, but if we’re speaking “true hatred with all his being that literally consumes him”, that’d be his biological parents. If we’re talking “he’d literally die for them that’s how much he loves them”, that’d be Nyru.

11. who is/are Zazie’s rival(s) and enemy/enemies?

Pretty much every single person on earth, to be quite honest. He even sees his closest friends as rivals sometimes. This stems from his need to always be in control, and even if people just want to help and do what’s best for him, he sees it as a challenge. In his head, it’s him vs the world.

12. who are Zazie’s friends?

He has a surprisingly high number of “friends”, just people he sometimes hangs out with or goes to parties with. He doesn’t actually see them as friends, and he tends to pretend and fake a lot with them. His closer, actually meaningful friendships are with my other paras. Aside from his two best friends of course, he considers Rin, Meg and Ami really good friends.

18. what do/does Nyru think of themselves?

That highly depends on which “version” of Nyru we’re talking about. Her personality and the way she sees herself changes so much from day to day, and it also depends on which paracosm it is, what job she has, her backstory and all that stuff. The kinds of stories I’m currently doing in my LA paracosm generally depict her as a popular artist who’s quite confident, outspoken and even flirty. While she has a very dark side to her and sometimes breaks down, she’s extroverted and active in her life. When I just started that paracosm tho, she was literally the exact opposite. She was quiet, introverted, extremely depressed and just not in a good place. That’s how I’m feeling a lot at the moment, so my way of dealing with that is by turning my parame into this confident, strong person. In Genesis, my newest paracosm, it’s a little more complicated. From the outside she seems bright, witty and optimistic, but she has a lot of things going on that the other people don’t really know about. She doesn’t have the best self image and is extremely dependent on Zazie. So it’s hard to say what she actually “thinks of herself” because it changes that drastically. (I’m sorry omg I realize I didn’t really answer the question it’s just a little weird D:)

29. what do/does Tatsu want most from their life/lives right now?

Uhhh that’s a difficult one. He’s not really one to think about what he himself wants, but instead what others want - especially his friends. If you asked him this question, he’d probably just make a joke about wanting something to eat. I think what he wants most from his life is to be able to put himself first and be selfish for once. To be able to actually do what he wants instead of worrying about others. He also wants to fix things with his sister and the rest of his family, but who knows if that’ll ever happen.

14. time to spill the tea! who has the biggest secret(s)? who else knows? dare you tell us?

Loriiiiiiii why would you ask me thissssss you know exactly it’ll be something fucked up about Zazie lmao. He has a lot of big secrets, and depending on what kinda story it is, it can even be a secret identity or something. He’s extremely good at keeping secrets, so the only people who’d know them are Tatsu and Nyru. I’m not gonna write it out here, but we already actually talked about one of his biggest secrets once, the thing about the, ya know, forest at night, hella grey-zone, cough cough. That thing. Otherwise, I think Nyru also keeps a lot of secrets, but those are more about her true feelings and all that, nothing that’s actually really interesting.

15. oops, all the tea’s in the harbor now. tell us a secret, major or minor, for each para you’re answering for!

This is gonna take me ages but, here we go. These are pretty much all minor things tho since I don’t really want to talk about the big things rn.

Zazie: Actually really loves rocking out to Elvis Presley.

Tatsu: Has a gambling problem, really doesn’t want people to know.

Nyru: Likes drugs more than she says I guess?? (no idea man this was difficult)

Nyra: Has a secret diary that she writes in daily.

Nyro: Doesn’t actually feel that much regret for what he did to Nyra.

Ami: Cares about her brother Tatsu a lot more than she lets on.

Megumi: Likes staying at home with her gf Suki a lot more than partying.

Ao: Really wants to actually be a therapist instead of a model.

Suki: Doesn’t really have any secrets? She wears her feelings on her sleeve.

Rin: Does sometimes get scared of Zazie despite saying he doesn’t.

[eldaryalltheway]

Headcanon for the boys & Candy at a sleepover party before starting their relationship? :)

Hello lovely ^^Thank you so much for requesting, I really hope you enjoy these headcanons.Also, I don’t know if I really got what you wanted, but I really hope I did?!Anyways, if this wasn’t what you wanted feel free to request, I won’t feel bothered. :P

Here it comes :D

GERAL HEADCANON: First, maybe (almost) the whole class went to someone’s summer house or something next to a beach (let’s imagine that) during a weekend.Also, boys and girls were sleeping in different rooms but there wasn’t an expecific rule about not being able to enter in each others rooms unless someone was naked… 

(if you wanted a sleepover just between the two of them, pls tell me sweetheart)

Nathaniel:

So, Nathaniel really didn’t want to go but since he heard you’d go and you were the one who was inviting him, he went.

Believe me, this kid was determined to get your eye as much as he could, and would do subtle things to get your attention.

Everyone was on the boy’s room playing some games like: truth or dare, etc.

The things were getting funny, but he really didn’t seem to be paying attention to these games, he was REALLY interested in admiring you

And since you weren’t doing much as well, you two started to talk and laugh together 

So he would just grab your and take you out of the room

They were having so much fun they didn’t even realise you two had left the room

You were in the balcony talking while looking at the moon (cliche?)

After talking and laughing for so long, you could tell how much of a great person he was

He couldn’t deny his feelings for you grew even bigger that night

There was a kind of silence for a while

His eyes were on you and how gorgeous you were while watching the moon

“You really are the most gorgeous woman I’ve ever met…” these words slips Nath’s mouth accidentally

Oooppss?? 

You both got as red as Castiel’s hair tbh

And since you weren’t really far from each other

tbh, you were a bit too close

You turned your head so you could face him while he was still admiring you

You really thought it was cute 

“Really? Thanks” you answered in a low tone

“Really.” he says in a raspy voice getting a bit closer

You both realised what you were doing and turned your faces like really quickly

He will think about it all night and day, how stupid of him… he should have kissed you

You got up and gave him a hand, that he accepts quickly

You both get to the corridor next to your rooms, and look at each other

“Have a good night Candy.” he says placing a kiss on your forehead

And then you both get in your rooms

And you’re both going to have a lot of questions and eyebrows wiggles from your friends, great hu?

Castiel:

Well, if Nathaniel didn’t want to go, imagine Castiel

But since Iris and Lysander insisted with him, he went

He also couldn’t leave you alone with all those idiots, they will droll all over you

He also would never admit he went because Iris said that you’d feel lonely

That day, he was pretty calm (i know, wow) and didn’t mess with people in general

Not even Candy

He also learned that you weren’t that much of an ironing board

Actually, you were hot as fuck, and he’ll never get over the fact that you didn’t take your shirt because you were ashamed to

But the fact that you told him that makes him feel warm because you trusted him enough to tell him that

So that’s why it is 11PM and he is still dreaming about you in a corner of the boy’s room while everyone is making a mess

He was staring at you too, so he could make sure no one would get too close to you

But after a while you were the one who sat really close next to him and started a conversation

At first he was shocked, like he didn’t expect you to leave your friends and your laughs to talk with him

So he’ll ask you about it

So you tell him you’re worried since he hasn’t been in a bad mood that day (ironically ofc)

And that you find it worrying that he doesn’t want to see other people doing stupid things and make sassy remarks

But in the end you were really worried, his face was slightly red and he was really quiet

“Hey, being serious, are you sick?” you ask with a worried face

“No?” he asks (?)

You place a hand on his forehead and cheeks and suddenly he turns his head away

But he is really pleased ~~

He calms himself in seconds and pushes you lightly

“I’m fine, I’m just tired because of the beach, you know…” he says.

Then you agree with him, it was tiring but a lot of fun

You decided to stay there with him talking 

I mean, he was a sweetheart on inside

But he just wants to keep that “cold” person outside

And you can help but find it cute 

And you told him straight in the fucking face

“Jesus, I really find you cute!”

He was talking normally with you but after this his heart started to beat soooo fast it almost came out through his mouth

The girls started to go to their rooms and called you so you gave him a kiss on his cheek and went

HE DIED GURL U DID IT RIGHT HAHA

Lysander:

I really think he is a conservative person but I believe he would want to go this time

Not only because his loved one was also going but because he wants to go somewhere besides their small village

He is a pretty calm person but I can see him getting jealous really easily

And it would show off a bit but you find it amusing

Like you were helping Nathaniel washing the dishes after dinner and he would look at you two and “kill him with his eyes”

He would ask if you needed help but you didn’t get he was jealous nor upset so you said no

Because if you knew you’d totally tell him that you needed help

But you got that he was acting weird, he was sitting away from everyone in the balcony probably writing something on his notepad (is that how you call it in mcl/sweet crush servers???) distracted from the world

You came and placed a hand on his shoulder and sat really close to him

You really enjoyed being around him and you were afraid you were starting to fall in love with him

You started the conversation and he answered but he seemed upset

You got a bit sad over it and asked if everything was okay

He didn’t say anything so you slowly started to get away from him

But he grabbed your wrist and pulled you really close

He loved to be by your side, only the two of you together

He dreamed about the day he’d feel your lips against his and love each other together, he really couldn’t handle you standing with another man besides him

He held your hand and apologized for acting rude

You placed your head against his shoulder while he caressed your hand

Both of your hearts were almost bursting, let’s be fucking honest

You loved each other’s company so much

You were silently sharing this moment alone and to be honest it has been the best moment of this trip

But you weren’t feeling that well

You sneezed several times and you were feeling cold with maybe 38ºC

Lysandre took you to the girls room and you just laid there covering yourself

And you dragged the boy to be next to you, just like a little child

He was having the time of his life (but feeling bad because his baby aka you was sick)

So he could check if your temperature was high he placed his lips agains your forehead

You blushed a lot don’t deny it

He gave you some medicine his mother tells him to carry around “just in case” and turned off the lights

He then sat on the floor next to your bed and he had his hands on your hair, caressing it untill you were asleep

He also kissed your forehead a few times singing something to you

Even though you started to feel sick out of nowhere, you felt glad to have a person like him by your side

You grabbed his hand and kissed it before falling asleep

And he couldn’t stop admiring your beauty

And how much of an angel you were

He loved you and he hoped to have you soon as his girl

He would write a song about these kind of moments too

or a poem

Armin:

This child only went to have fun with you and with his friend

He hates sun and summer, so going to beaches with sun on summer it’s like hell (or something worst)

However, he would have a lot of fun

Teasing you was just a hobby of this trip

But he got you mad…

Boy, even though he has a crush on you he never thought his jokes would offend you

Like he really liked you and didn’t meant to hurt you and felt so sad

He really didn’t know what to do, so he started to apologize

But you pretended you didn’t heard

So he locked you both in the kitchen

You didn’t want to talk to him so he came to you and hugged from behind

HE DIDNT HAVE ANYTHING LIKE THAT IN MIND

Like that idea passed through his head when he walked to you and he did it

His voice was sounding really sweet saying sorry 

And believe me he was sorry

Tbh you got mad over nothing what he said was nothing that offensive

You were blushing a lot

But you said sorry to him too

And since you both love games he invited you to play with him 

You said yes but he said only if you promised to don’t get mad at jokes

be honest, you wanted his attention ~~ 

He was being a sweet child, showing you a game he really loves and you never played it

So you hug his arm asking him for teaching you

He blushed, congrats

You sat in the middle of his legs (idk how to explain) and he was the happiest person alive

I mean, how many people beside the 5 boys mentioned in these headcanons have their crush liking them/hugging them

His hands were on the top of yours and your fingers were a bit intertwined

You laid back and kissed his cheek

This shit was lame, why the fuck did you get mad at him you could’ve been hugging him all day

And you played all night long I guess

And had a lot of fun

i love armin and lysander too much to write good things for them i’m so sorry, why am i like thissssss!

Kentin:

Kentin went because you went, simple

If he could get your company he was great

He was more than in love with you and he was having a lot of fun with you

Like you ran the whole beach during the day and found really pretty things and views

He was really surprised to see you that happy around him

You also played in the water too

You were happy, and he was radiant

This boy couldn’t take the smile from his face

You both were really tired and everyone decided to watch a movie

You two sat together and since you were really tired you leaned on him

Like “yea boy im going to sleep be my cushion or smth”

JK!

The movie was something romantic, tbh, he enjoyed things like that but he didn’t say it outloud

But damn girl you knew

Either ways you feel asleep on him, so he layed a bit back on the sofa and placed you on top of him hugging you

He then covered you with something

Maybe his jacket

He caressed you and hugged you

and tbh he didn’t fucking care about who was around if he was with you

Like he feels so secure and safe when he’s with you its just adorable

Everyone went to their beds and you two fell asleep together laying on the couch

Hugged

And loving each other

What could be better?

THE END!

hope you like it tbhi really like them toooooo much to make good thingsI WILL IMPROVE I PROMISEDON’T GIVE UP ON MEAlso, i’m sorry bcz sometimes i get on/in/at confusedi’m not an english native person

LOVE YOU ALL

- diana xx

[gethealthy18-blog]

101 Sweet Valentine’s Day Wishes For Your Son

New Post has been published on http://healingawerness.com/getting-healthy/getting-healthy-women/101-sweet-valentines-day-wishes-for-your-son/

101 Sweet Valentine’s Day Wishes For Your Son

101 Sweet Valentine’s Day Wishes For Your Son Harini Natarajan Hyderabd040-395603080 January 16, 2020

Parents all over the world love their children, but a mom’s love for her son is always special. You may have even come across the term “mamma’s boy.” For a mother, her little son is her hero. A mother even thinks that her son is the most handsome guy in the world! This is definitely one of the most beautiful relationships in the world. If you are a mom and want to send Valentine’s Day wishes to your baby boy, you will definitely like these cute wishes. He will feel really happy when he receives one of these heart-touching messages. So, send him all your love through these wishes and have an amazing Valentine’s Day.

Messages To Wish Your Son A Happy Valentines Day

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You are always on my mind and in my heart, dearest son! Happy Valentine’s Day!

You are loved, adored, and missed no matter how far away Daddy and I are from you! Happy Valentine’s Day!

Some of my happiest thoughts are about you. You are the best part of my life! Happy Valentine’s Day, baby!

You and your siblings bring a lot of happiness and love to our lives. Happy Valentine’s Day!

Happy Valentine’s day to my phenomenal son! Hope you enjoy the day!

Hope you have an amazing Valentine’s Day, son! We love you.

I can honestly say this – you are one of the most dashing people I know, son. Happy Valentine’s Day!

You would win the Best Son Award any day! Happy Valentine’s Day, baby boy.

I pray that lots of awesome things to happen today. Happy Valentine’s Day, son!

If I had my pick, you would be awarded the “Best Son in the World” award! Happy Valentine’s Day, little one!

I wanted to remind you that you are absolutely adored. Happy Valentine’s Day, cutie pie!

Life is great, full of surprises, and more enjoyable because of you, my son! Happy Valentine’s Day!

Daddy, you, and me – we are a family. It is as wonderful as can be. Happy Valentine’s Day!

Life is a zoo and full of fun. Here is wishing a happy Valentine’s Day to a super amazing one!

Hugs are a must, and kisses are too. Happy Valentine’s day, son. We adore you!

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To the kid who is sweeter than candy. Happy Valentine’s day, baby boy.

You are such a sweet kid – someone after my own heart! Happy Valentine’s Day!

Sweet little kisses and lots of warm hugs, that’s what I am sending you this Valentine’s Day, my lovebug!

You will do many great things in your life, my boy. I will always be in the background, giving you what you need and cheering you on. I love you, my dear son. Happy Valentine’s Day!

Valentine’s wishes for my awesome boy. May your day be full of hugs and happiness!

Be a good boy, have fun, and give out loads of hugs. Happy Valentine’s Day, baby!

Wishing you an amazing Valentine’s Day, sonny!

Happy Valentine’s Day! An awesome boy like you deserves an awesome Valentine’s Day!

You are a cool boy! Happy Valentine’s Day! Have a great one!

Doggies are nice and kiddos are, too. That’s why I wish a Happy Valentine’s Day to you. Love you!

For my spectacular boy – may your deepest wishes come to pass this Valentine’s Day!

You may grow too big for my lap, but you will never get too big for my heart. You will always be my baby boy, and my adoration for you will never ever change. If it does, it will only get deeper. I love you, little one! Happy Valentine’s Day.

For this Valentine’s Day, here’s a hug and a kiss. A little gift of love for my wonderful child. Happy Valentine’s Day, my sweetheart!

Happy Valentine’s Day! Know what I love about you, my baby boy? Everything!

Hey, cute heart! You put the “happy” in “Happy Valentine’s Day!” I love you!

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You are sweeter than chocolate. Happy Valentine’s Day!

Wishing an awesome day to my favorite valentine!

Life is full of things that make it worthwhile, but none of it is better than your sweet smile. Happy Valentine’s Day!

You are the nicest sweetheart that any mommy or daddy could ever have! Happy Valentine’s Day!

You are cuddly, cute, adorable, and fun — when it comes down to valentines, you are my number one! Happy Valentine’s Day!

Sweet candies on Valentine’s Day remind us to be sweet to one another. And you are one of the sweetest kids there ever was! Happy Valentine’s day!

Happy Hearts Day, my little one! You are always in Mommy’s heart – now and forever!

I adore all the little things you do, the love you share, and the laughter too. You make all my dreams come true. It is awesome to have a boy like you! Happy Valentine’s Day!

Even if my life were a fairytale where every little dream came true, I could never have hoped to get a son as sweet as you. Happy Valentine’s Day!

I think you already know this, but I gotta say it – my love for you just grows every day. Happy Valentine’s Day!

May your life be as filled with happiness as you bring to mine. Happy Valentine’s Day!

I can’t think of a more dashing boy to wish the happiest Valentine’s Day to. Happy Valentine’s day, my little bunny!

Hey, my beautiful son! Hope your Valentine’s Day is as special for you as you are for me. I love you. Happy Valentine’s day!

Happy Valentine’s Day! Hope your tummy is full of chocolate and your day is full of love and fun!

Roses are red. The sky is blue. You are my favorite valentine, my baby boy, and I will always love you! Happy Valentine’s Day!

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Hope your day goes as awesome as you are, my son! Happy Valentine’s Day!

Right from the moment you were born, you stole my heart. I love you, my baby boy. Happy Valentine’s Day!

Happy Valentine’s Day to Daddy and my sweetest blessing.

You are a source of joy in my life. I wish you find a partner who will make you as happy as you make us. Happy Valentine’s Day!

I believe that God gifted you to me to prove that I can love another person to this extent – in this unselfish, incredible, and awesome way. Now I have someone to take care of, to give me happiness and joy, and to give meaning to my life.

The love I have for you is indescribable. I hope you feel this love every single day of your life. I love you, my baby boy! Happy Valentine’s Day!

Dear son, we love you more than anything in this universe. May you find the partner of your dreams who will love you forever and ever. Happy Valentine’s Day, dearest son.

I always thank the Lord for blessing me with such a beautiful child. Wishing you an amazing Valentine’s Day, dear son. We love you.

Baby boy, this is your mom wishing you a very happy Valentine’s Day. Here are some kisses and hugs for you. Love you a lot.

Wishing my sweetest son a very happy Valentine’s Day.

A mom wishes her sweetest baby a happy Valentine’s Day. I love you.

Happy Valentine’s Day, my sweetest son. Looking forward to celebrating this lovely day with you in the evening.

Wishing my son a grand Valentine’s Day. Let this day present you with many beautiful moments.

My sweetheart, you have always been the reason to smile when I was sad. Thank you for being my baby. Happy Valentine’s Day to you.

The love a mom has for her baby is beyond words. I love you, son. I love you more than anything else. Wish you a happy Valentine’s Day, my love bug.

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Thank you, my child, for filling my life with love, laughter, and happiness. Happy Valentine’s Day, baby!

Wishing someone who lives inside my heart a beautiful and happy Valentine’s Day.

I hope for a Valentine’s Day as sweet as you, my son! Happy Valentine’s Day!

Happy Valentine’s Day! May your heart’s every desire come true for you today, my little one.

Right from the beginning, you stole my heart. Happy Valentine’s Day, son.

Since you are such a great son, I have got a special Valentine’s Day kiss just for you. But, I promise not to give you a kiss in front of your friends!

So many of my smiles are just for you! I love you, my baby boy. Have a very special Valentine’s Day!

Your smile lights up my life. You are the sweetest gift God could have given your Daddy and me. We love you, buttercup.

There’s really no way to express how much I adore you. I guess you can safely say that you are my universe, and my love for you knows no bounds. You make your Papa and me so proud. Happy Valentine’s Day!

The joy in my soul since the day you were born – I just can’t describe it! Happy Valentine’s Day, baby!

Happy Valentine’s Day, bug. I love you more each and every day.

You are out-of-this-universe amazing! You are my lovebug! Happy Valentine’s day!

Whatever I do, I do it for you, my child. Happy Valentine’s Day.

Happy Valentine’s Day! I love you THISSSSSS much, my moon pie!

If I spend a hundred years telling you how much you mean to Daddy and me, it would never come close to expressing how much I really adore you. Happy Valentine’s Day, son!

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As busy as you may get, I need to remind you that you are my sweetheart and the sunshine of Daddy’s and my life. Happy Valentine’s Day!

Honeyboo, I love you as much a butterfly loves its wings and as much as a polar bear loves the ice. You are very important in my life. Happy Valentine’s Day!

One life is not enough to express how much I love you, son. Happy Valentine’s Day!

I don’t know how to express it in words, but I want to tell you that you are very special to me. You are so awesome, my little boy! Happy Valentine’s Day!

Every time I get to see you, I feel a light in my heart lighting up. I truly love you, my gift from God.

I love your infectious laugh, your beautiful smile, your sweet voice, and your kind little heart. I love that I carried you in my tummy for forty weeks. I will never stop being your mommy no matter how old or big you get. Happy Valentine’s Day!

Everywhere you go, happiness follows. You have always been a super sweet boy, and now you have grown up to be such a charming man. We are so proud of you, moon pie. Happy Valentine’s Day.

My heart is wherever you are. You are the best gift a mom can ever receive. We love you. Happy Valentine’s Day!

On this Valentine’s Day, I have to tell you that you are the key to my heart. You are the most loving child anyone can ever as for, and my sweetest little valentine.

Curved on a stone, decorated with dew, I say these words, son – I love you.

We are so blessed to have you in our life. You mean everything to us. Happy Valentine’s Day, son.

I was reborn when I first held you. I just can’t describe the feeling I had when I first saw your tiny little feet. I love you so much, son. Happy Valentine’s Day.

I have never been so happy in my life since the day you were born. Happy Valentine’s Day, my baby boy!

Nowadays, I am conflicted between wanting you to always stay my baby and getting excited about all the new things you will get to experience and the things that you will accomplish when you grow up! I love you so much, and you will always be my favorite baby boy in the whole wide world. Happy Valentine’s Day.

I love you, and I will always be thankful to the universe for giving me a wonderful son like you. Happy Valentine’s Day!

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Happy Valentine’s Day, sweety pie! I am so lucky to have you in my life. You are such a smart, handsome, and sensitive young boy. Holding you for the first time was the happiest moment in my life.

You came in my life, and the sun broke through the rainy clouds. Suddenly, life became worth living. In fact, it became a big adventure! Thank you for being in my life. Happy Valentine’s Day!

Dearest son, you are my heart and my soul. Happy Valentine’s Day!

No matter what happens in life, I smile every time I remember I have you. Happy Valentine’s Day!

Have the best, super-duper delicious, stupendously fabulous Valentine’s Day ever! Mamma loves you! Happy Valentine’s Day!

Happy Valentine’s Day! I consider myself to be the luckiest person in this world and it is only because I have the most precious jewel – you, my baby boy.

My little one, you are growing up to be such a fine young gentleman. You are my biggest accomplishment. I hope that you always believe in yourself – as much as I believe in you, my little bun. I love you forever. Happy Valentine’s Day!

Wish you were here, my little one. Happy Valentine’s Day!

My darling boy, words cannot express how much your dad and I love you. You bring light to my life. Happy Valentine’s Day!

I have just one wish for Valentine’s Day. I want you, my little one, all wrapped up and gifted to me. Take care, little bun. Happy Valentine’s Day!

I don’t think you will ever completely understand how much you mean to me, little one. You will meet loads of people, baby, but no one can ever love you the way that I do.

Your son may not really expect a Valentine’s Day card or gift from you. But secretly, he will love the Valentine’s Day messages you send him. As his mom, you know that your baby boy will always love you. And Valentine’s Day is just one day on which you can show him how special he is to you.

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Harini Natarajan

Harini has over 12 years of experience in content writing and editing for online media. She specializes in the areas of business, health and wellness, and lifestyle and is proficient in Medical Sciences (Biology, Human Anatomy and Physiology, and Biochemistry). As the Chief Editor, Harini ensures that her team delivers interesting, engaging, and authentic content. Her background in Biomedical Engineering helps her decode and interpret the finer nuances of scientific research for her team. Harini is a certified bibliophile and a closet poet. She also loves dancing and traveling to offbeat destinations.

Source: https://www.stylecraze.com/articles/valentine-wishes-for-son/

[queennicoleinboots]

Day 46 of Peter and Xara the Goat's Curse: Peter Cusses Out A Literary Agent

A/N: Extreme anger, women bigotry, making fun of the South

The whole family was in a rare mood of hatred and extreme anger. Jamie Parker was the only one halfway civil. He greeted me and warned me about his borderline psychotic family members. I thanked him.

Meanwhile, Godiva was having hot flashes. Her back was hurting her, and she was temporarily possessed by a demon. When I greeted her, she gave me this "Fuck You" look.

I frowned and wondered why I cared. Maybe I was PMSing and am sensitive to everything. I had a strong feeling someone didn't want me around today. What the hell did I do? Oh yeah, move to the South. How stupid!!!!

Godiva walked to the restroom with frustration.

I then tried to clean around Peter, but he was growling at the computer.

"I just want to make this snakeman look creepy. Why does my art betray me?!" Peter asked as he beat the computer desk once with his hammer fist. "Fuck you, photofuck you piece of shit." He slammed the computer desk with his fist again.

"Hi Peter. Is your artwork cursed?" I asked as I dusted the furniture.

"Yes!!! And so the fuck am IIIII!!!!" Peter said as he threw a pencil across the room. "Asshole program. I didn't fucking ask for this bullshit."

I chuckled. "I'm sure it's fine." I said.

"No it's not! I haaaaaate it!" Peter yelled as he crumbled up a piece of paper and threw it across the room. He then saved the progress of his photoshop art and walked away from the computer desk. Then, he jumped up and down and chanted in anger, "Son of a bitch! Why are all my talents going to shit?!" He screamed.

Tug laid down and hid his head under his paws.

"I love your artwork, Peter," I said as I looked at him. "I want copies of all your artwork."

Peter then smiled sadistically. "Sure!" he said while making a rainbow hand motion. "How about if I shit on a canvas and give it you?!" he asked sarcastically.

"Actually, it would be a masterpiece. Please make me shit art," I said with a grin.

"Oh brother," Peter said as he rolled his eyes and crossed his arms. He stared at the wall intently with glowing green eyes.

His phone started ringing normally.

He sighed with rage as he made an air-choking motion. He stormed to get the phone. "Yes mother," he mumbled before he answered the phone. "Yes. Mother."

"Please buy some immodium. I am stuck on this God-forsaken toilet. I have diarrhea. I have hot flashes. I hate everything and everyone," Godiva said over the phone.

"Yes, Mother. I hate everything and everyone, too. I am going to shit on a canvas," Peter said before he changed his facial expression to a clown face. "Say, can you save some of your diarrhea for my canvases?"

"Fuck no, you asshole," Godiva said as she hung up on him.

He looked at his phone with contempt on his face before he said, "Fuck you, too."

"Fuck her indeed. What a bitch," I said.

"Yeah. Want to come to the store with me and get away from my God-forsaken parents? My dad's been up everyone's ass. I know he can't help it, but fuck," Peter said.

"Yes, please," I said as I walked into the front of the house.

A wild caller called Peter's phone. The Pokemon battle theme song started playing.

Peter picked up the phone and said, "Who the fuck is this?" before he answered. "Helloooo?"

"Hello. Is this Peter W. Parker?" the female caller asked in a sexy voice.

"Yes, but I'm not in the mood for that kind of call. Who the fuck are you?" Peter asked.

I chuckled.

Jamie rolled to me and asked, "Is Peter leaving soon? Please tell me he is. His twin mother is bad enough. Keep him away from me."

I nodded.

"Oh. Cherri Pye. Yes. Haha. Maybe I'm in the mood for that kind of call after all. What did you think of my novel?...What do you mean you need me to come over to finish the job??? ... Look, you've gotta be fucking with me... My novel isn't detailed enough???" Peter asked through gritted teeth as he was clenching the phone. I heard the plastic crumble. "What? What? You're rejecting my novel because it doesn't fully describe sperm consistency?... Oh yeah because most erotica describes the viscosity of sperm and cinnamin.... Give me a fucking break you specific bitch... Describe the consistency of YOUR cunt..., cunt. Haha. You couldn't FUCKING PAY ME ENOUGH TO DESCRIBE AND/OR REINACT Arlie's technique you fuckin' fuckin' Bitchasaurus Rex. You're as bad as my fucking cunt mother. All women are all alike, USELESS TWAT whores. They have two purposes... sex and slavery. Possibly a third, but I'm sterile so fuck it. Fuck you. Fuck you.... Yeah. The only fuckin' reason I sent you a copy of my manuscript is because you are a piece of ass... Well, you coulda got fucked in your asshole if you had *juuuuust* accepted my novel proposal you dumb cunt bitch whore slut..... Not my fault. That's your decision, NOT MINE!!!" Peter was making hand gestures and pointing as he bent his knees and leaned over the air.

I laughed. These are things I wanted to say to Godiva more often that not. I swear she is like Cersei Lannister in the Game of Thrones, a complete passive-aggressive, cunty, manipulative, and attractive bitch. Peter at this point is like Jamie Lannister, a man who tries to be honorable but had this massive asshole streak that gets him in constant trouble.

The Pokemon battle theme song died.

"Fuck fuck fuck fuuuck youuuuuuu!!!! I'm not writing that in my novellll. Fuck fuck fuck fuuuck you. I'm not writing that either. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck the hell out of you. Fuck your damn ideas!!!!" Peter sung over the phone.

"Fuck fuck fuck fuuuck youuuuuuu!!! I'm not sitting on that toiletttt. Fuck fuck fuck fuuuck you. I'm not sitting there either. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck the hell out of you. Fuck this fucking bathroom!!!!" Godiva sung in the bathroom.

"Fuck fuck fuck fuuuck youuuuuuu!!! My family is full of assholes. Fuck fuck fuck fuuuck you. I'm too sick for this shitttt!!! Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck the hell out of them. Fuck this fucking hoouuusse!!!" Jamie sung as he wheeled out of the house.

"Fuck fuck fuck fuuuck youuuuuuu!!! These humans are fucked-up. Fuck fuck fuck fuuuck you. How did I get here? Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck the hell out of thissssss!!! Fuck these fucking people!!!" Tug sung as he bolted to the other side of the house away from his asshole family.

"Fuck fuck fuck fuuuck youuuuuuu!!! The Parkers are fucked today. Fuck fuck fuck fuuuck you. What is wrong with them? Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck the hell out of this joooobbbbbbbb!!!! Fuck these fucking asshats!!!!" I sung as I watched Peter violently smash his phone to hang up with his large hand.

"Fuck you. I still need immodium and to get away from humanity. My. Back. Is Killing. Me," Godiva said. "And get the newspaper."

"Fuck fuck fuck fuuuck youuuuuuu!!!! Why are you a fucking bitch?! Fuck fuck fuck fuuuck you. You exist to drive me insane!!!! Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck the hell out of menoooopaaaauuuuusssse!!!! Fuck the hell out of woooommmmmmeennn!!!" Peter and I sung before we left the house.

Peter sat in the driver seat of his silver Toyota Highlander. I sat in the front seat.

"Ugh. Fuck this car. Your damn therapist gave you this fucking car," I said.

"Cool. Go buy me a better vehicle," Peter said as he drove and rolled his eyes.

"I would if I could, asshole," I said.

"I'm sure! I'd only pay you a dollar for it. Haha," Peter said.

"You're a piece of shit, Peter," I said as I glared at him.

"That's how much I paid my therapist," he said.

"You're full of shit," I said.

A growling walrus ring tone erupted from my phone.

"What the fuck was that?" Peter asked.

"That's Wally the Walrus the Bear the Pig!" I exclaimed before I answered. "BAE WHUHHHH!!!"

"Bae love. How are you?" Wally the Walrus the Bear the Pig asked as he was half-asleep.

"I'm alive. You sound like you're half-awake," I said.

"I am," Wally the Walrus the Bear the Pig said.

"LEARN TO FUCKING DRIVE, COCKSUCKER!!!!!!" Peter yelled.

I cracked up.

"Oh God. Peter sounds fucked up," Wally the Walrus the Bear the Pig said with a laugh.

"He really is. Every fucking day," I said as I laughed. I was slaphappy at that point.

"Goddamn driver mother fucker!" Peter yelled as he honked. "Fucking idiots!!!"

Wally the Walrus the Bear the Pig laughed. "That's what you get when you drive in Georgia. I'm going to drive with them soon. I really could use two more hours of sleep, but fuck it. I'm trying to wear myself out."

"Come to the Parker residence. They'll wear you the fuck out quickly. They're the Asshole Family," I said to the tune of the Addam's Family.

"Oh go fuck yourself," Peter said.

"Was that directed to me or a driver besides yourself, Peter?" I asked.

"Either or," Peter said with a chuckle.

"I won't keep you. I need to shop for food. I love you, Bae," Wally the Walrus the Bear the Pig said.

"Love you, Boo," I said.

"Whuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!" Wally the Walrus the Bear the Pig and I chanted. The walrus bear pig hung up.

"Agggggggghhh!!!! Dammit. I'm going a few miles down the road, and the traffic is unreasonable!" Peter yelled.

"Yep. I hate driving in this fucking place," I said.

There was a rare awkward silence between us. We stared at the road with full disgust.

When we arrived at the Walmart parking lot, there was more traffic bullshit. People were pulling in and out of parking spots and of course nearly running into each other in the process. These folks were the epitome of dumb motherfuckers.

Peter and I sighed our trademark sighs as we were driving through the parking lot.

All of a fucking sudden, a car pulled out of the parking lot, and Peter and I practically teleported to the inside of the Walmart building. Our ass was sticking out of the Grocery side of Wal-Mart's building. The front of the car was lodged in the Subway restaurant's wall.

"What the fuck was that? How does that even happen?!" Peter and I asked simultaneously as we hyperventilated.

The people in Subway stared at us as though we were aliens. I looked at them like they were retarded. I didn't choose to be lodged in a fucking building that day.

Peter sighed before he freaked out. "Oh God! This reminds me a year and a half ago when my brakes stopped working in the Lincoln. Stupid son of a bitch car! Now THIS happens!" he said with wide eyes as he began to foam at the mouth.

I laughed nervously and looked at him.

The area around us caught fire.

"Oh shit! 9-11!!! Super Coping Man! Help me!" a middle-aged woman screamed as she saw the front of the Highlander burst into flames. Peter W. Parker used to be Super Coping Man.

"Run away!" a middle-aged man screamed as he hauled ass out of Subway.

"Today was a bad day for 'Take Your Son To Work Day,'" his son said as he ran with his dad.

"I just got a promotion, too!" a black man yelled as he ran out of Subway and then went shopping.

"I shouldn't have gone to work today!" another black man said as he ran out the door.

A piece of the fender fell off as the front of the car was sweltering. Some of the drywall around us was falling onto the car and bouncing to the ground.

Peter started swearing as he beat the steering wheel. He reminded me of myself on most occasions. I'll admit that more than ever, I beat on my steering wheel when I am frustrated while in a car.

"I can't believe this! I was driving, and this happens. Wow. I cannot catch a break any fucking where! And I hope I don't have to sit and fix this fucking drywall that is RANDOMLY FALLING FROM THE WALL!!!!"

His phone rang. It was his mother calling. "Yes, mother dearest," Peter said with a sarcastic smile.

"Did you remember to pick up the newspaper?!" Godiva asked.

"Yes, mother. I'm on my way now," Peter said as he smiled more widely.

"Okay, asshole. I am on the toilet," Godiva said. We heard the diarrhea fly out of her butt.

Peter said quietly. "And I'm in a burning fucking car." He was smiling insanely at that point.

I saw Pennywise the Car-Repairing Clown heading toward us.

"Yes, mother. Let me get out of the check-out line... Uh-huh. Bye bye now," Peter said before hanging up. He looked at the phone and said, "Bitch."

"My God she needs to chill the fuck out," I said. "Should we even bother to get out of the car?"

"Unfortunately yes," Peter said as he got out. "Let's go shopping."

We left the car while we encountered Pennywise the Car-Repairing Clown.

"Hey guys! I'm Pennywise the Car-Repairing Clown. May I fix your car for a nominal fee?" Pennywise the Car-Repairing Clown asked.

Peter looked at Pennywise the Car-Repairing Clown and then at his Highlander that was burning and melting the steel. The back doors completely fell off. He laughed like Tom Hanks did in the movie, Money Pit. I laughed with him because I, too, was nervous.

"If you can fix this car, go right ahead," Peter said as he started to go shopping.

I followed him as we went shopping. Everyone looked at us weirdly, but it wasn't unusual. The fact that we just got out of a burning car wasn't the weirdest thing people looked at us for. The weirdest thing we got looked at for was so weird that it can't really be put into English.

Peter and I were already looked at as aliens in good ole Georgia. Peter was born in Georgia, but somehow he's still an alien. Okay, because that makes sense. #whattheactualfuck?

Peter grabbed today's newspaper and the immodium and paid for it. We then went to the car that Pennywise the Car-Repairing Clown magically fixed.

"Oh wow! The car looks brand new! What's the fee?" Peter asked with happiness.

"Tomorrow, you have to fix the drywall that fell from the wall," Pennywise the Car-Repairing Clown said.

"Nooooooo!!!!" Peter said while he started to cry. His face literally embraced the cry.

"Sorry, buddy. That's the fee for fixing the car," Pennywise the Car-Repairing Clown said.

Peter continued to cry while I gave him a hug and said, "There, there." three times.

"Peter, Peter, Peter," I said. "It will be okay. It's just one day of drywalling."

He stopped crying and sniffled a bit. "I know, but that's bad enough," he said.

"It is," I said.

"Thank you, Pennywise the Car-Repairing Clown," Peter said before his mother called again. "Mom! What?!"

I rolled my eyes. "She's making me nervous," I said.

"Yes, Maaaahhhhmmm," Peter said as he rolled his eyes.

"I thought you said you were on your way. Where the fuck are you? Where's my newspaper?" Godiva asked.

"I'm on 124, Maahhhhhm. There's a stupid amount of traffic, and a clown is holding everyone up on the road," Peter said as he was beating himself with the newspaper.

"Oh I hate that damn road!" she said. "Get home, you asshole."

"Love ya, too, bitch," Peter said.

She hung up on him. He hung up on her.

"Let's get the fuck out of here," Peter said.

We got in the car and drove the fuck away from Smellville's Wal-Mart.

"Your mother is fucking unbelievable today," I said as I sighed.

"She and every goddamn thing else. If it weren't for Pennywise the Car-Repairing Clown, we would have had to walk home. Clowns are a blessing," Peter said.

True. Thank God for Car-Repairing clowns," I said.

"Yeah, really," Peter said with a chuckle.

We remained quiet for the rest of the drive. We were too stressed to handle anything else until we got to the Parker residence.

Peter and I sighed before we exited the car. Peter went ahead of me. He stormed inside, and I followed him like I always do.

When I walked in, I saw Godiva take immodium.

"Thank you. And the paper?" Godiva asked.

"The newspaper! The newspaper! Don't forget the newspaper!" Peter yelled before taking the newspaper out of the bag and beating Godiva with it. Peter's voice became three octaves higher as he screamed, "Here's your newspaper! Here's your newspaper! Here's your newspaper!!!"

Godiva was flat on the bed and staring at Peter with wide eyes.

"Paper! Paper! Paper!" Peter yelled in the same high octave as he continued to beat her with the newspaper. I was jealous. I wanted him to beat me with the newspaper.