#i had a lil nap for 2 or 3 hours earlier

[kurthorton-moving]

help i wake up in 7.5h but im not tired

[heartpiratedrabbles]

Insecurities Part 4

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 ~

Buggy X Fem Reader

You were starting to calm down the closer you got to Gin’s house. You’d somehow made it home before sundown and were quite happy at the idea of taking over the later show for the night. As you walk in there is very clearly one thing that strikes you, “Benji what did you do to your hair!” It was a mess, he was already reckless with his hair, sometimes teasing it to go every which way. But right now, it was frizzy and very clearly haphazardly cut. One side was the length it was when you had left and then it abruptly got short, jaggedly getting longer around his head.

        “Oops, thought you wouldn’t notice so quickly,” Benji beamed smiling up at you and even Azure snorted at the absurd thought, “I got in a lil trouble but it’s fine!” He reassured while spinning to show no other ailments besides the renegade hair.

        You sigh going to Gin’s storage closest and grabbing a box with some stylist scissors, “Well I can’t have you going around like that, sit down.” You scold both of them over being reckless as you cut his hair into something much more manageable for the more reckless of the two boys.

        You swipe some stray hair’s off Benji’s shoulder before asking them if they’d like to go home for the night. Gin wasn’t home yet but you’re sure he wouldn’t be worried knowing you were coming home today.

~~~

        “Mistress Zazel! I’m glad to see you made if back safely, although a little earlier than planned,” You wave your hand as acknowledgement towards your bookkeeper Mertle but motion your head towards the boys in your arms. Despite them being 5 and rather large, you were still able to carry them with ease, one over each shoulder as they had started to fall asleep on the walk over, one after the other asking to be picked up before passing out. It was a little strange that they were asleep this early, they were used to staying up for the shows, but you assumed it was just a nap from the excitement of the day.

        He bows his head before getting closer to talk to you, “It does seem like the boys have angered another person, He was asking about one of them today, although that was about an hour ago. So, I’m not sure if he’s still around” He whispered, opening doors to the sleeping quarters for you.

        “Thank you for the warning, I’ll take care of it, also let the crew know I’ll be leading the show tonight” You whisper before heading to your apartmentlike quarters. You tuck both your boys into bed before heading out to look for the angry customer, most of the time people would calm down enough when you appeared in front of them to forget their transgressions, others demanding compensations, and depending on the situation sometimes a fight. You were happy to oblige most anyone’s concern, and were always thrilled for a fight, staying on land for so long had made you miss the sea and the battles that came with it.

        You go towards the rehearsal tents, it’s where most people sent the angry customers to wait for you, looking for a disgruntled person. But after a while you couldn’t find anything and went to go prepare for the show. Nothing could take your mind off of stress more than preforming, it’s when you felt the freest. The lights, the costumes, the applause of it all.

Your boys were allowed to come with you every now and then, but only for special occasions. Most of the time it was the side acts and smaller shows that you allowed them to take part in. You’re sure this little sleep would only be a quick nap and hoped they’d wake up by the end of the show to meet you rather than go off causing mischief.

~~~

        Buggy gave up looking for the boys after it was clear that every child he saw, was not imitating his look or making fun of his nose. He pulled his cloaks hood up and decided to buy a ticket for the main event. It had been a while since he’d seen another circus act, maybe he could scope out talent for his own crew. And this Zazel had become a bit of a hot commodity at the beginning of the Grand Line, most people called her show a celebration of making it safely into dangerous waters, and He was curious as to what so many people had been saying about it.

        Sitting down in the middle of the crowd, where he thought he’d get the best view he looked around. It was certainly a stationary set-up; the building may give the look and feel of a tent but Buggy could see how the wooden supports and walls were hidden by fabric draping about. He looked up and towards the walls where there was walk ways high above everyone, lights and fixtures attached every couple of feet. He’d give it to them, the set up was truly ideal, it didn’t seem like there was a single bad seat in the house.

Before he could look around more the lights dimmed and a spotlight turned on in the center of the arena. Music had amped up the great reveal for there to be nothing, a missed cue. Amateur. The music took a dip and the spot light turned off before they began again, still nothing. Then, without a beat the music amped up, the spotlight flashing a bit before a woman falls from the ceiling in an aerial silk, barely missing the ground by inches. The wide smile evident on her face as she swon high in the air, jumping out without any supports much higher than any sane person would do. And yet Buggy was amazed to see her somehow fall gracefully and landing with barely any disruption to the sand on the ground.

Buggy’s breath hitches as she stands up and takes a few bows towards the crowds while applause and cheers go wild, “I am Mistress Zazel” the women stands straight up, both hands going into the air as lights go wild and other acts swing in view, or move around. So many small details grouping of people that no one could watch them all. And despite that, Buggy’s eyes were fixed on the woman, they were fixed on you, how you shined so brightly. “And this is my Dazzling Circus!”

The juggling of knives, fire eating, and trapeze had dazzled people enough that they forgot of the world outside as the show continued. The entire time Buggy focused on you, on your ringmaster costume with a top hat that had to have been clipped into your hair. He watched as you moved in your own dance on stage, around the people, hyping everyone up before getting into your own routine. The shoe’s you worn looking dangerously high yet fits your perfectly.

Soon enough the show was over and Buggy had realized he hadn’t seen anything else but you, but just as how you appeared on stage in a blink of an eye, you disappeared. He was one of the first people to stand up to leave, rushing to try and find you.

The crowds around making it hard to move he was getting angry. He breathed in, I know where she is. She can’t just leave, it’s alright if I don’t find her right away, he rationalized while slowing down. There’d be plenty of time to get to you. Just as he was calming his anger down, he felt a slight jostle of his pocket and looked down.

~~~

        Azure and Benji had woken up just in time for the crowds to leave the main tent. They both decided to see who get the most on their way to their mom’s private tent and went in similar directions, targeting different people.

        The crowds had gotten thick which was perfect for them and Azure decided that the tall man in a fur coat would be the perfect target, after all anyone hiding their identity had secrets and treasures to hide. He snickered at the thought of finding a big score.

        But just as he passed by the man, delicately grabbing the first thing in the man’s pocket, he felt a hand grab his collar. He was lifted into the air, legs kicking underneath him and he realized there was no arm attached to the hand holding him up. “There you are, you brat,” An angry voice came out before Azure looked up, making direct eye contact with the man they had stolen from just hours before.

        He gulped, letting out a small whine for help as the disembodied hand shook the boy slightly, “Who do you think you are stealing from me twice?” Azure was the shy, timid one of the two twins and had only stayed silent in fear at the danger he sees in front of him. And despite all that he was also amazed at how similar his face was, the pictures on the bounty poster he had gotten glances off didn’t truly show off the clown’s true features.

        “And what’s with that ridiculous nose?! Are you making fun of me?” Some of the acts and tent merchants had started to make their way to the commotion.

        Azure finally snapped out of his state at the last comment, “My nose isn’t weird! Mom says it’s beautiful!” He cried out trying to punch and kick the man in front of him, tears brimming his eyes.

        Before Buggy could say or do anything more someone grabbed Azure and pried his shirt loose from Buggy’s grasp while another person had gripped the clowns’ shoulders. Azure turned to grab onto Antonette, a sword swallower, burying his face into her shoulder. “I’m sorry sir, but if you’d like to make a complaint, we’ll have to direct you to our main office,” The strongman act, Hubert, says while gripping Buggy’s shoulder with brute force.

        Buggy was angry, but he didn’t like the subtle circle of people surrounding him, and the boy had been whisked away in a blink of an eye. Benji following behind his brother to make sure he was alright. Angrily Buggy replies, “Well take me to whoever’s in charge then!” It seems like the boy was a part of this circus, he could at least bargain to try and get his belongs back, maybe even fight a person or two. The thought of you being in charge had completely left his mind at how angry the kid had made him.

~~~

        “Mistress Zazel.” An exasperated voice came through the tent that made you sigh, you had just gotten changed into a less revealing costume and called for the person to continue, knowing it had something to do with your boys “A uh. An angry customer grabbed Azure; we have him in Holding Tent 7 for you.”

        Your blood boiled at the news, swinging the fabric open, coming face to face with Mertle who seemed to have known you’d be pissed, “And why did this dearest customer dare to grab my boy?”

        “He seems to be the man from before. Claims that they stole from him twice today.” You let out a breath. “Antonette has both boys in her tent for now, neither of them seems to be injured in the slightest,” He adds in the report to try and make you calm down. You start walking with Mertle towards the Holding Tents. They were called tents, but they were much more akin too private rooms that locked. You had decorated them to look like small training areas for your own amusement but it had come in handy with calming some people down in the past, or of course taking care of said patrons. Mertle had been one of your first business partners and he took his job to heart, everyone in this circus did, and most people who had been here since the beginning looked after your boys as if they were their own. But you couldn’t help but feel that Mertle was holding onto some information, regardless you were about to teach another patron a lesson.

        As you passed by a couple of your main acts there were whispers about having to get ready for a body clean up. You were approaching the tent quickly and could see two people guarding the entrance, you usher them to open up and your let in, the door quickly closing behind you.

        The man in question had his arms crossed and was huffing in anger, back turned towards you. You take a running start, the man turning around at the sudden noise, and take a good hard punch at his face, covering your fist in Haki as you make contact, your blinding rage not granting you a look at his face.

        To your surprise the punch didn’t knock the man out, it had barely forced him to turn in the direction you hit. The sudden realization of a couple of blue strands popping out from the hood, making you freeze. The man took advantage of your frozen state and grabbed both your hands, pushing you to the ground, restraining you.

        And just as you had frozen at the sight of just his hair, you were now face to face with the man you still loved. The one you watched from afar but never tried to contact after he had kicked you out. Emotions overfilled you and you clenched your jaw to try and stop from crying.

        Buggy, on the other hand, had been just as surprised as you, he had somehow forgotten he was following you when the blind rage of boys making fun of his look had walked by. And now here you were. Alive and well. Pinned underneath him. He stared at your features, holding in his breath in case it was a dream. His eyes glance at your features that he had memorized from your wanted poster, but none of it could compare to the real you, the one that had aged slightly since the last time he had seen you.

        Overwhelmed with emotions himself he did the only thing he could think to do and slammed his lips against yours in a deep desperation as tears pricked his own eyes. You tensed up at the sudden contact, you weren’t sure what to do, your mind was flashing through the pain he had forced you to go through. You clenched your eyes shut, streams of tears falling down the sides of your face as your lips began to quivers.

        Buggy, leaned his forehead against yours, “Doll…” His voice was just above a whisper as he called you, “Please Doll,” The voice you heard sounded broken and you slowly opened your eyes, staring into his own. You were shocked to see tears falling down his own face, a trickle of water going from his eyes to his nose, a drop falling on you, “I’m so sorry Y/N” he cried out while staring right at you. Your heart skipping beats as your mind became confused, “I am such an idiot,” He continued, his grip on you loosening.

        You looked down his face, he looked like a toddler who gotten his candy stolen, it was an ugly crying face for sure and you couldn’t help but hold in a chuckle as your mind continued to race of what was happening. “Y/N, I love you. I’ve always loved you. I’m sorry.” You couldn’t tell if the tears drenching your face were your own or the man’s above you but your heart ached at every word, he was saying to you, “I don’t know how I could ever make it up to you” Your noses were touching now and you were sure that his face paint had gotten on your own forehead. “I’ve been looking for you for so long Darling, I’m sorry,” He was blurting things out faster now.

        You sucked in a breath to calm yourself down, you couldn’t stop the tears from falling but you could stop your face from scrunching up in the same way Buggy’s was. You slowly move your hands to either side of his ugly crying face and smooshed it together a bit as you wiped tears from under his eyes. Smiling a bit at how he willingly let you move him around as he continued to cry. He tried to apologize again even has his lips were puckered out like a fish with how you were holding him and you take one more final breath before pulling him in, kissing him yourself.

        This is not how Buggy pictured your reunion. He had pictured something less…. Pathetic. He didn’t want to cry, or show you his weak side. He wanted to come and sweep you off your feet, gently demanding you to join him at his side again.

        He hadn’t expected to be punched by you the second you saw him, and he was even more shocked to know that it was you who had punched him, he was expecting someone else entirely, security perhaps, but not you. You had sent his rage into desperate desire to be by your side again he was overwhelmed. He had pinned you down without realizing it was you but the second he caught your eyes; he couldn’t stop himself from initiating a kiss. He couldn’t miss his chance to feel you lips on his again, even if just this one time. And as he pulled away the tear ducts started flowing, there was no stopping them and he could only think of the sorrow he had felt these past years before thinking of how much despair you yourself had been in.

        He didn’t understand what you were doing to his face, he knew he was a sobbing mess and he was only expecting another punch, or at the very least a push away. He didn’t deserve you; he’ll never be worthy of you. He had truly ruined the chance he had with the love of his life and seeing you were mere inches from him again made him emotional. He was even more shocked when you pulled his face in, to kiss him yourself. Your own kiss being a desperate and hesitant one, that got stronger as time went by.

        When you finally pulled back, slightly gasping for air you finally let out a small wail that you didn’t know you had in you. Buggy wrapped his arms around you sitting up as you fisted his shirt in your hands. Pressing your face into his chest, “You’re awful.” You beat on his chest as he hugged you closer letting all your pain out. He stroked your hair as he agreed with you, and that he didn’t deserve to be forgiven. After swearing him out between your sobs, “I’ve missed you so much” he squeezed you as tight as he could at your words, “I didn’t think you wanted to see me ever again.”

        “Doll if only you knew how much I tried looking for you…” He whispered while rocking you back and forth. He added it was his own fault for this.

By the time you had both calmed down there was snot all over his shirt and bruises on his chest from where you were pounding him. He was silent and glanced at you, his make-up an absolute mess and you snorted between a few of your sniffles, “You look ridiculous.”

“You don’t look any better Doll.” But he quickly shut himself up, looking at you with what you could describe as puppy-dog like eyes, shifting back and forth slightly.

~~~

        “We want to see mom!” Benji yelled at Antonette who was starting to pull her hair out from the twins’ behavior.

        “You know the rules. When she’s dealing with an unruly customer you have to wait until the noise stops,” you never stopped them from seeing blood and gore, but you had set a rule that they couldn’t see how it had happened. Not yet at least. And thankfully everyone in your crew agreed with the sentiment, although some would prefer to shield their eyes, the boys were the ones who continuously tried to see it.

        “How are we supposed to know when the noise stops if we aren’t near the tent!” Azure exclaimed pulling on a curtain, digging his feet into the sand as he let the weight of his body fall.

        “Besides, I don’t want this one to die!” Benji yelled out and Antonette gave him a strange eyebrow, “He was too interesting! He looked like us!”

        Antonette snorted at the comment, “If you mean like a clown that should worry you even more, you don’t come to a circus looking like a clown if you aren’t apart of it, that’s just weird.” Benji sat on her feet and hugged them, “You ain’t getting sympathy from me pal, we aren’t going until someone fetches us.” She crossed her arms and leaned back in her chair.

        But as her back met the chair she heard a snicker and looked around, without her realizing it, Azure had taken down an entire curtain and was in the process of wrapping it around her. She tries to stand up, only to realize that Benji had already restrained her feet together with a small amount of rope. “Sorry Netty!” Azure yells as she watches them leave while she was yelling after them.

        They sneak around, avoiding any gaze from their many babysitters until they make their way to Tent 7. They see Mertle in front of it sitting on a stool while going through a ledger. The twins look at each other and nod.

        Azure stays behind the corner while Benji makes his way to Mertle, the man looks up surprised to see the boy, “Why aren’t you with Antonette?” He asks quizzically. He closes the book, standing up.

        “Netty left us. There was a loud noise and angry yelling and she went to go check it out-“ Benji sniffles a bit, “And now I can’t find Azure and. And” Mertle looks startled at the normally overconfident boy starting to cry.

        “Hey. Hey wait. Let’s go look for them alright?” Mertle goes to pick the boy up but Benji nods before running in the opposite direction as Azure. “Hey, Benji, Wait up you shouldn’t be alone” And with that Azure goes to the tent.

As per usual, the door is locked but he makes quick work of unlocking it. Benji already beside him again, leaning against the door to try and listen in on what’s happening. They can hear Mertle yelling in the background but the man hasn’t thought to look where he had just been. “Got it!” Azure says happily while turning the door knob.

“Hey mom did you kill the guy yet?” Benji clammers out as the door opens and he falls to the ground.

“Yea, this one was interesting we don’t want him dead” Azure adds as he trips over his older brother.

~~~

        You two had decided to talk for a bit, his legs in a v shape as you sat on top of him, with your own legs outstretched behind him. Your hands on his shoulder so you could shake or hit him whenever you wanted which he happily obliged too. You had demanded to know how much he missed you, enjoying the groveling man and letting it heal your broken heart slightly.

        He had regaled to you how he’d only become more infamous with a higher bounty in hopes of finding you, every island, ship, or marine base, destroyed or conquered in search of you. You didn’t know how you felt yet. You loved him, you missed him. And here he was right in front of you, begging and apologizing to you, telling you how much he loves you. And yet you couldn’t quite figure out if you could accept it. It had been years, and your heart ached to be with him, but was it right?

        You lean back, placing a hand on the Buggy’s leg behind you while brushing another hand through your hair, just as you let a sigh out you hear something from behind you. Looking behind you, you see Benji had fallen to the ground first, likely just falling from leaning on the door, while Azure had made it another step into the door way but fell over his brother, eating sand on his way down. Both of them clamoring out words you could barely understand.

        “Hey what have I told you two about disrupting Mommy’s work?” You scolded them, momentarily forgetting the man you were sitting on top of.

        “Did they just say kill?” You straighten your back as you remember your predicament, “Did they just say mom?” You turn back to look at Buggy. “Did you just say mommy?” His thoughts were reeling, processing everything. He looked over your shoulder to see the brat, or rather brats from earlier. He thinks of his last interaction with one of them, and the words the boy had said before being whisked away, My nose isn’t weird! Mom says it’s beautiful! You tense as you watch Buggy’s face slowly put the dots together, your face turning a slight shade of red, “Are those brats…” He points to them, “My brats?” and points to himself.

        The look on his face slightly in awe but mainly unreadable and you swallowed a bit and nodded. “They’re named Benji and Azure,” You croak out. You didn’t know how he’d react to realizing he was a father. You gripped his leg a bit and rub your arm with your free hand. The boys still coughing up a storm behind you from when they ate the ground.

        Buggy studies the two boys, in all their clumsy glory. Azures Blue hair slightly loose from a pony tail, but well maintained and Benji covered in dirt as he goes to pull at his brothers’ hair. They both seem to have forgotten their original mission, rather focusing on who tripped who. And to your surprise he turns to you with a grin across his face, “Aw Doll, why didn’t you tell me” He wrapped his arms around you and put his head into your shoulder before he slumps over a little bit, “I made you go through this alone,” He whispered.

        You still weren’t quite sure how to act, what to say, what to do. But you felt a little relieved at how Buggy was acting. You could still hear your boys arguing behind you and decided to slowly wrap your arms around Buggy. “They act a lot like you…” You whisper, as you can still hear the boys arguing with each other.

        Buggy straightened up a bit coughing a bit and avoiding eye-contact, “Maybe. Maybe they could learn a thing or two from their dad.” You were silent, more shocked than anything else at how eager he seemed at the idea, “O-only if you allow me.” He had taken your silence as a soft rejection and tried to reassure you he didn’t want to force anything.

~~~

        “No you grabbed my ankle!” Azure yelled as he tugged at his brother’s ear, trying to punch him. Benji had an iron grip on his hair as he proclaimed that Azure was the one that had tripped him. Both boys throwing punches and barely landing any in their tangled situation.

        “Boys!” The two immediately stopped, going to stand up straight and wiping any sand or dirt off of themselves at the voice of their mother. They both looked up at similar times and fully took in the sight in front of them, you had turned your body enough to see them and were scowling. Meanwhile the man you were sitting on had been looking at both of them in awe, perhaps a little nervous as he flicked his eyes between the boys and you. “Come meet-“ You had stopped halfway through your sentence realizing what you were about to say and a heavy blush filled your cheeks.

        You didn’t need to finish the sentence for them to understand though as both boys ran up on either side of you with curiosity filling their eyes. “Are you, our dad!?” Benji asked while tugging at Buggy’s sleeve, Azure giving him puppy eyes as the two boys stared at the man.

Buggy flipped his head to look at both boys before looking back at you, only to see you had turned your head to the corner to avoid eye contact, but even he knew it was out of embarrassment over anything else. “You have our nose! It’s real!” Azure beamed happily at the man as he poked the nose and even Buggy was flustered at the situation.

“Would you like it if I were your dad?” Buggy finally spoke cautiously, eyeing you every now and then to make sure he didn’t cross any lines. And you couldn’t help but let out a small snort as you saw admiration in Azure’s eyes as Benji had a wide smile.

You watch as Buggy, still very overwhelmed with emotions look to you for approval and you just give the slightest nod. Within a moment Buggy’s arms had wrapped around all three of you and squeezed you tightly making you gasp. “I’m gonna need to teach you two how to do make-up properly,” Was the first thing he said proudly still not letting go, “Cause whatever I saw this morning was god awful.” You could hear as Azure muffled his laugh into his fathers’ clothes and Benji straighten up a bit at the comment.

 As Buggy loosens his grip on all three of you, “I told you it looked awful!” Azure gleefully proclaimed while looking at his brother, who in turn tried to climb between you and Buggy to get at his brother.

Buggy laughed before grabbing both of them tightly on either side of him, “I see they like to fight.”

“Well, who do you think they got it from?” you laughed, relaxing quite a bit at the display in front of you.

Just as you were enjoying the moment you heard the door swing open behind you, “M-Mistress Zazel I have horrible news. The Boys they’re miss-“ You look behind you to see Mertle in a frantic state, stopping at the sight in front of him.

“Ah, don’t worry ‘bout it. The boys are with me.” You say waving him away, “Everyone’s dismissed for the night. No need for ‘clean-up’.” And Mertle gapes his mouth open but is able to let out an okay closing the door behind him.

“Were you gonna kill me doll?” Buggy let the boys go to gingerly place a hand under your chin, making you turn towards him as he leans in closer.

“Well, you did attack my boys” You smile glancing at his lips before looking at his eyes leaning in closer.

But just as your lips brushed against each other, Benji, not understanding anything, loudly shouts, “Mama kills anyone who touches us!”

“Yea! You woulda been number 34!” Azure agrees while beaming up at their father. Both boys trying to climb on top of Buggy as though he was a jungle gym.

“I see we have quite the trouble makers,” He smiles leaning close for an actual kiss that you happily accept.

[libraryofloveletters]

Love To Loss

Eddie Diaz x Reader 

Warnings: mentions of childbirth, disagreements 

Category: Angst 

Word Count: 3k

Author’s Note:  this was a product of my insomnia so here we go, also yeah I don’t know why it ended so abruptly but yeah :) 

pt.2: Loss to Love 

--

Was love real ? 

Was it worth it ? 

All the pain and broken hearts and despair, was it all worth it if in the end, I got to come home to you ? 

No idea where you were going, where you’d end up or who you’d end up being but you never let that stop you. That’s how you could yourself outside the fire station. You weren't looking for a job, in fact you were looking for someone, someone you had lost so many years ago. The station was quiet, not sure if you were allowed to be in here when no one else was, you paced the empty station. 

The sound of a horn made you look up, there was a fire engine that was waiting to reverse in and you were in the way. The door opening and shutting, a man walked towards you. “Excuse me, you can’t be standing there” he says, pointing to the side of the station, you step out of the way, allowing the truck to reverse in. You watched as he instructed the driver, the back of his jacket read Nash. He wasn't who you were looking for but maybe he could help you. The fire engine began emptying, one by one they stepped out. 

“Can I help you ?” the same man returned to you. 

“Um, I think you can. What’s your name if you don’t mind me asking ?” 

“Bobby Nash, you are ?” he stuck his hand out

“Y/n “ you shook his hand. He had a fatherly aura to him, the type that made you feel safe and comfortable, like you didn’t have to worry about anything. Bobby smiled at you, “what can I help you with, y/n?” 

“I’m actually looking for a friend. I lost touch with him a while- actually more than a while, it's been years” 

“I’d love to help but what makes you think I can ?” 

“All I know is that he's a firefighter. I just thought on the off chance, maybe you’d be able to point me in the right direction” 

“Who’s your friend ?” Bobby asked

“Edmundo Diaz, he goes by Eddie” 

Bobby let out a laugh, your brows furrowed. Either there was good news and he knew him or there was bad news and Eddie had vanished or something horrible. You braced yourself for the answer. “Eddie’s one of ours. He's not in right now, his shift starts at..” Bobby glanced at the clock, “3, if you’d like to wait.” 

“Yeah, that’d be great” you smiled. The two of you headed up the stairs, he introduced you to the team. Buck, who was more than happy to show you around, Chim who was also welcoming and super funny and Hen, who you instantly liked and knew you’d get along with. “Can I get you something to drink ? A cup of coffee? Water ?” Bobby rounded the counter, “water is fine, thank you” you took a seat on one of the stools. 

“So y/n, how do you know Eddie ?” Buck leant forward, elbows on the counter and his attention on you. “We grew up together” you took a sip of the water. Buck’s head tilted slightly, almost like he didn’t believe you. His brows furrowed “c’mon, there has to be more to the story than just you growing up together” 

There was, but were you ready to open that back up ? To tell Eddie’s friends all about why you lost touch to begin with ? 

A dry chuckle left your throat, “sure you can handle the whole story ?” you smiled at him, he nodded eagerly. “Oh yeah, I'd love to know. Eddie isn't really one to talk about his past” 

Good to know somethings didn’t��change. 

“Take a seat, you’re in for a story” you patted the chair beside you, Buck sat and once again, his attention back on you. You started from the beginning. 

El Paso, 2008. 

Hot summer days didn’t even begin to explain the type of weather you were having in Texas right now. The bedroom window was open and Eddie’s back was turned to you. He had been taking a nap when you arrived, the whole point of you coming over was to help him pack up his stuff. Laying beside him, your finger traced over his shoulder, moving down to his back. Tracing shapes and drawing your own little pictures against his skin. “Mhm, Shan- stop” he mumbled as he shifted in bed. 

Your heart sunk in your chest. 

“Not Shan” you teased, “just me” you sat up, your back resting against the headboard. Eddie’s eyes opened slightly, squinting from the sunlight in the room. “Oh hey” he rolled onto his side, his head now on your lap and his arm tossed over. You smiled at your best friend, if this was the last memory you have with him before he leaves, that's fine. 

You’d keep this day in your mind forever, but just the good parts. 

“Come on sleepyhead” your fingers running through his hair. He groaned, “5 more minutes” 

“You’ve been sleeping all day, mom says you gotta get up” Eddie flips onto his back, head still on your lap as he looks up at the ceiling. The room is quiet for a few moments, the only noise coming from outside through the open window. You break the silence first, “do you really have to go ?” you ask him as he gets up. “You know I do,” he sighs as he looks back at you before he pulls his bag out of the closet. 

“I don’t want you to leave” you begin taking some clothes from the closet, folding them and setting them on the bed. “And you think I want to leave ?” Eddie grumbles, you could hear the annoyance in his voice. 

The two of you have had this conversation countless times, honestly it was the only truthful conversation the two of you have had in the last few weeks. There was an unspoken level of love between the two of you, far more than just the typical loving your best friend goes. It was more than that but Eddie was with Shannon and he says he loves her, so who were you to go and admit your feelings now. To ruin what he had with her. It would break your heart to break his so you never said anything. Instead, you stayed quiet, telling him that you’d miss him when he left and helped him pack. The rest of the afternoon was quiet, neither of you speaking, quiet exchanges as you shifted around the room and passed things to each other. Eddie sits on edge of the bed, watching as you fold a shirt, his hand wrapping around your wrist. Humming, you go on folding until Eddie tugs on your hand, nodding towards the spot beside him. 

Sitting beside him, once again, the room is silent. So silence that you hear the thoughts in Eddie’s head. “Y/n, I-” his sentence is interrupted when Sophia knocks on his door, sticking her head in the room. “Ed, Shannon’s here to see you” she pulls the door in halfway before leaving the two of you in the room. Eddie looks at you, he opens his mouth to say something but you shake your head. “Go,” you breathe, “don’t keep her waiting” giving him a small smile. “Are you sure ?” he asks, his hand on your back. You hum, “I'll be out in a minute, I just have to call my parents” Eddie nods, leaving you in his room. You lay back on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. Letting out a sigh, all the possibilities running through your mind

What if you never get to see him again ? What if he comes home a different person ? What if he doesn’t come home at all ? You couldn't leave things unsaid, you couldn't let him leave without telling him out you really felt. 

Walking into the living room, Eddie sat on the recliner, Shannon on his lap. “Oh y/n” she smiled, “I didn’t know you were here” you gave her a small smile back. “Yeah, came over to help him pack” she turned back to Eddie, “why didn’t you call me? I would have came over” 

Seeing them together, you couldn't go tell him how you felt now. He was happy with Shannon, they were in love. 

El Paso, 2011. 

Over the last 3 years, Eddie had returned home a few times. Most of his visits home had been spent with family and Shannon, you’d see him for a few hours or if you happened to stop by his parents’ place for dinner. Within the last 3 years, Eddie had also proposed to Shannon, gotten married and had a baby on the way. 

Eddie called you earlier to let you know that Shannon had given birth and he now has a son, Christoper. You of course promised to come by and see him and the baby and you made good on your promise. 

“Hi, I'm here for uh Shannon” your fingers tapping against the nurses bay counter

“Last name hun ?” she handed you a visitor badge and a pen, “uh, Diaz, I think ? I’m not sure if she chang-” your sentence interrupted by your best friend calling for you. “Found them” you gave the nurse a smile before heading down the hall towards Eddie. 

“Y/n!” his arms stretched out, waiting for you to hug him. 

“Eddie! or should I say dad ?” you gave him a hug. 

God it felt good to be back in his arms. 

“Congratulations on the baby,” you smiled, “you're a baby yourself, I can't believe you have a kid” you teased, giving his face a little squeeze as the two of you walked in. Eddie’s arm was over your shoulder and your arm around his waist as the two of you entered the room, Shannon’s look was enough for Eddie to let go and take a step to the side. She gave you a smile, “nice of you to come by y/n” 

“Of course, hope you don’t mind” 

“Oh no, of course not! You’re Eddie’s best friend” 

The baby began crying, “he’s got a pair of lungs on him huh ?” you chuckled, Eddie smiled as he picked up Christoper. Fatherhood suited Eddie, from the way he picked up Chris to just the way he looked at him, he’d go to the ends of the earth and back for his son. “Do you want to hold him?” Eddie stepped towards you, Chris had settled now. “Um, yeah” taking a seat in the chair, Eddie handed Chris off to you. You smiled at the little boy in your arms, you couldn't believe that your best friend, the guy you grew up with, the guy who was barely not a kid himself, had a kid. 

“Hey lil man- oh you're so cute” you cooed as Chris yawned. Looking at Eddie who was now sat on the end of the bed, “The two of you have a beautiful little boy” 

El Paso, 2017. 

Eddie found himself on your doorstep with Christoper. Knocking on the door, you opened it. “Hey,” your brows furrowed, not that you minded the unexpected visit but you were confused. “Come in buddy” you helped Chris inside and Eddie followed the two of you inside. 

“Did you two have dinner? I could order a pizza or I could make something ?” 

“Can I have ice cream ?” Chris asked you, taking a seat on the couch. You glanced at Eddie who nodded. “Vanilla or chocolate bud ?” 

“Both!” his enthusiasm made you chuckle, “coming up kiddo” you smiled at Chris who was already flipping through the channels. Eddie followed you into the kitchen, the two of you on autopilot, your movements in sync, not a word being spoken. Most of your memories with Eddie have been the quiet ones, not a word between two of you, just moving around together. Eddie got the bowl of the cupboard as you got the ice cream. 

“What caused the visit ?” you asked, scooping the ice cream into the bowl. Eddie gave you a look, leaving you in the kitchen for a moment to give the ice cream to Christoper. You could hear the two of them talking, Chris telling his father how his favourite show was on tv and Eddie telling him try not to spill ice cream on himself and that he'd be in the kitchen. 

Eddie returned, heading straight to the fridge to get a beer. “I take it dinner didn’t go well ?” you ask, sitting on the counter. Eddie let out a chuckle, “well wasn't even in the house tonight” 

“What happened ?” taking the beer from him and taking a sip of it. 

“They think it's a bad idea to move across the country with a kid, that Chris needed stability and apparently- they’re the only stability he’s ever had.” Eddie groaned. You understood his frustration, you didn’t have a kid but you get what it's like to have parents who are trying to contradict your life choices. 

“And you're sure you want to do this ? Move to LA?” 

Eddie’s brows furrowed, he looked at you. “What do you mean? Are you siding with them ?” 

“No, of course not. I’m just asking if you're sure if you want to move” 

“Of course I am. I need to get out of here, Chris needs a change, somewhere that doesn’t constantly remind him of his mother.” he sighed 

“Eds, you know if you move you’ll be on your own. I don’t agree with your parents, you should be able to take Chris wherever you want but you won’t have the help you have here. You have your parents and me and Chris has his friends, are you sure you want to do this ?”

“Are you going to stop me ? Like you tried to stop me when I enlisted ?” he grumbled. If Chris wasn't in the house, you sure as hell would have cussed him for that. “How could you say that ? I didn’t try to stop you, I just didn’t want you to leave, which was the truth by the way.” you roll your eyes. 

“Listen, I just came here for you to say bye to Chris because we're leaving tomorrow” Eddie begins walking out of the kitchen, you grab his hand. “What ? That’s it? We're going to leave things like this ? You being mad for no reason ?” 

“You’re the one that doesn’t want me to move on” Eddie’s voice raised slightly

“Are you kidding me?! Did I try to stop you ?” your voice raises as well. Eddie pulls his hand from yours, Chris comes over and gives you a hug. “Bye y/n! see you soon!” he smiled at you, you looked down at the little boy, your arms wrapped around him. “See you soon kiddo” you lean down and kiss the top of his head.

You follow Eddie and Chris to the door, watching as Eddie helps Chris into the truck. Watching as he pulled out of the driveway and down the street. 

----

“And that was the last time I saw him.” you sigh, Buck’s mouth hung open. “Are you serious ? He didn’t call or write or even text ?” he asked you, you shook your head. “Nope, not a word since then. He changed his number and that was that” 

“Y/n?” the voice called, the voice you hadn’t heard in years. Glancing over your shoulder, there he was. 

Eddie Diaz, your best friend. 

He looked good, healthy. He hasn't changed besides for the shorter hair which he was pulling off rather well, it was a change from the fluffy hair he had the last time you saw him. 

“What are you doing here ? How’d you find me?” Eddie asked, he was shocked to see you and you couldn't blame him. You were shocked to see him and you came looking for him. 

“Uh- honestly I don’t know” you chuckled, “to which question ?” he looked over at you

“Both” you gave him a smile. 

“Yeah, okay. You need to go, I have a shift” Eddie tells you. “Eddie, we don’t have any calls right now. They can stay, I don’t have a problem with it” Bobby tells him, Eddie nods. “I get that Cap, but I have a problem with it” Eddie turns to you. “You need to go” he tells you again, you didn’t want to fight with him, especially in front of his team so you nodded. Turning back towards the team, you give them a smile, “it was nice to meet all of you” 

Heading down the stairs, the sound of footsteps behind you makes you stop, looking over your shoulder. Buck was behind you, “y/n wait!” 

“Everything okay ?” 

“Oh yeah, where are you staying ? I’ll talk to him, maybe he’ll change his mind” 

Buck was sweet, his efforts were appreciated. “Do you have a pen or a piece of paper?” Buck pulled a pen out of his pocket, he couldn't find a piece of paper so he stuck his hand out for you to write on instead, you chuckled. Writing down the address and your number, you hand the pen back to Buck. 

“That’s the address and my number. The number’s for Eddie or for you if he doesn’t want it” you smile at him, Buck’s cheeks got red. Poor guy was flustered which made you smile, at least your charms still worked on someone. “Seriously though, thank you Buck. It’s nice to know Eddie has people that care about him” Buck gives you a smile, watching as you watch out of the station. 

Buck wasn’t the only one who watched you walk out, Eddie did too, from the balcony. The topic of you and your visit was dropped. No one asked any question or said a word. The day went on as a normal shift. 

----

taglist: @advicefromnixxxx @keenmarvellover​ @venusrosepetal​ @mikaelson-emma​ @beth-winchester21​ @averyhotchner​ @fernandaweasley2​

[meltwonu]

| 𝔲𝔫𝔱𝔦𝔩 𝔦 𝔪𝔢𝔱 𝔶𝔬𝔲 |     [CHAPTER 4]

pairing; fratboy!wonwoo x reader

this chapter’s notes; fratboy!wonwoo, fingering, littlest bit of dirty talk, praise!kink, soft soft soft FLUFF hours, a bit of a filler chapter before the last chapter!! 😭 I can’t believe it’s almost ‘over’... This chapter has the least amount of smut yall will ever see with fratboy!wonwoo so don’t get used to it ☠️ LMAO 🤣🤣 also... it’s been a garbage week(boring work drama) for me so I’ll answer inbox msgs and stuff on sunday, I need to get away from the internet(and people) for a day dkfjhskh 😭💕 Ya’ll thank you for so much love and support with Caffeine and Until I Met You! It means so much to me and I appreciate every like, reblog and comment I get on it 🥺💕 No I will never be ending my fratboy!wonwoo au so don’t worry about that hehe 💕 For now, enjoy this soft ch 4 and I will see yall on Sunday! I love you, have a great weekend! 💕

[mood for this chapter: more than enough - alina baraz]

chapters; 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - x

“So…”

Wonwoo sighs - re-shelving another Edgar Allen Poe book. “So, what?”

Mingyu tilts his sunglasses down, eyebrows raised at the older male that continues to do his job instead of give him the time of day. “What’s going on with you, hyung? You’ve been… weird.”

“Okay, define weird.”

The younger male pouts as he takes his sunglasses off, pocketing them as he leans up against the bookshelf that Wonwoo is currently still shelving.

It only takes one utterance of your name for Wonwoo to stop in his tracks - fingertips on the spine of another book as he turns to Mingyu. “What about her? Did she say something to you?”

“No, but do you like her? I mean, ‘like’ like her.”

“Is it not… obvious? That I do? Did we not all collectively have that conversation about me giving her a set of keys to our house?”

Mingyu grimaces slightly as he mentally goes through all the times he’d even seen the two of you together and he’s only able to conjure up a few select memories - none of which were anything necessarily romantic. “Well… I wouldn’t say ‘obvious’, I guess. The two of you aren’t exactly the ‘kiss and hold hands in public’ kind of... people. More like the, ‘sneak off to fuck in a public restroom’ kind... Which, uh, isn’t really... romantic.”

This time, Wonwoo crosses his arms and leans up against the opposite bookshelf as he sighs.

It’d been a few days since he’d seen you and you’d been swamped in so much class work that you didn’t even have the time to come by the library or the frat house. And even while Wonwoo stood in between the bookshelves having a conversation with Mingyu, you were finishing an art project with Minghao that was due by the end of the day.

“I know. I told her it’d be kind of a slow crawl for me.” He plucks another book from the cart, staring at the glossy text as he simmers in his thoughts. “Mingyu, am I awkward?”

“Erm, well, I wouldn’t say that necessarily.”

Mingyu steps forward, patting Wonwoo on the shoulder as he smiles.

“You like her and you’re trying even if you’re not used to it. You gotta start somewhere, hyung. Even if you’re a fish out of water. But that’s okay, you can ask me for help if you want!”

“When are you gonna put a ring on Wonwoo-hyung?”

You snort at Minghao’s question - reaching for a clean paintbrush as he stands across from you in the large, empty studio. “First of all, can you not say it like that? I’m not gonna marry him, okay.”

The male rolls his eyes as he steps closer to you; his own hands and clothes covered in a colorful array of paints. “So you’re saying you never imagined hyung in a suit, hair slicked back and his buff arms carrying you off into your honeymoon?”

“W--wh--n--no! No, I haven’t!” You avoid his piercing stare as you focus on your end of the large canvas instead.

No, but I dreamt about it once.

“‘Hao, would you hurry! We’re supposed to be collaborating on this and it looks… like it’s 5 different art styles.”

“Don’t change the subject on me. And anyway, I like what you’re doing to hyung. Breaking him out of his shell, y’know? He’s just shy, that’s all. Needs a little work in the bold department.”

You bite down the urge to laugh because to you, Wonwoo was everything but shy when it came to the bedroom. Although, Minghao was right with everything else. “Yeah, I know. We went for breakfast together after I, um, stayed over a few nights ago and he kinda just sat there zoned out, picking at his waffles. He’s really cute when he wakes up in the morning though. Pouty and whiny.”

Grinning at Minghao, he pretends to gag in response before taking a seat next to you.

“Disgusting. Tell me more.”

Wonwoo makes an effort to check in with you throughout the day before he heads back to his room - asking you if you’d had your meals and if you’d finished your project on time.

You’d answered sporadically as you and Minghao raced to finish.

‘I’ll eat late probably… rly gotta finish or else my ass is failing lol’

‘Just don’t forget, okay? It’s not good for you to skip.’

Wonwoo lays down in his bed; yawning as he sets his phone onto the nightstand next to himself.

His eyelids feel heavy and he’s quick to give in to the tiredness that takes over him once he gets comfortable.

When Wonwoo finally decides to shift during his nap, he finds it difficult and extra warm.

“Mmh…”

His bleary eyes adjust to the, now,  slightly darkened room as he makes out your figure tucked underneath his arm. He calls your name softly - waking you up from the nap that you’d apparently joined him in.

“Mmh… Wonwoo…” You snuggle in deeper, voice still laced with sleep. “You didn’t even budge when I came in…”

He chuckles softly as he readjusts to spoon you from behind instead; his strong arm wrapped around your waist to keep your body flush against his own.

“I’m surprised you came by, sweetheart. I would’ve just stayed awake had I known you were coming over.” His voice is groggy and laced with sleep as you sigh softly in return as you blink away the sleepiness.

“How was your day at the library? Miss me yet?” Wonwoo smiles into your shoulder before he tilts his head up to kiss the shell of your ear.

“Always, sweetheart. Although, Mingyu decided to keep me busy today.”

“Oh? Anything fun?”

He plays with the hem of your shirt, “Well… Fun isn’t the word I’d use to describe what that was. Nosy was more like it.”

This time you can’t help but snort in response. “You too? I think some people were being ‘lil moles today.”

“Wouldn’t doubt it. Did you end up just coming back here with Minghao from the studio?”

“Wasn’t planning on it, to be honest but… S’been a rough day.” Placing your hand over his arm, you squeeze slightly as you pull his arm around you tighter. “Our professor came by while we were working in the studio and said our project wasn’t up to par with what Minghao and I usually submit for projects. She didn’t fail us on the spot but she said we need to redo it for less credit or take the failing grade.”

Wonwoo nuzzles your neck; peppering small kisses on your clothed shoulder. “I take it the two of you are going to redo it?”

“Mm… We spent so long coming up with a concept and now we’re both stressed about coming up with something new. I walked over here with ‘Hao and he locked himself up in his room as soon as we got here. Figured I’d come hang out with you and found you napping… With your glasses on, no less.”

The two of you share a laugh; Wonwoo’s embrace making you feel more at ease.

“Can I help you de-stress a little, sweetheart?”

You stare at the opposite wall, nodding gently as Wonwoo’s hand leaves the hem of your shirt in favour of the waistband of your shorts.

“Just want you to feel good,” he whispers. “You deserve it. You’ve been working so hard, baby.”

He teases you softly; fingertips ghosting across your skin as you shiver. “Ah, Wonwoo…”

“You worked extra hard today too, didn’t you? I’m so proud of you for what you accomplished today.”

Your body heats up at his praise and you can’t deny that his deep, soft voice sends thrums of arousal pouring over your body just as he dips his hand into your lounge shorts. He touches you over your panties - fingertips ghosting against your mound as you moan his name shakily in return.

“I know your new idea is going to be great, baby. I believe in you.”

Soft whines threaten to spill as Wonwoo strokes you over your panties - slowly working you up as you find yourself trying to grind against his hand. “Y-yeah… ‘m p-pretty sure ‘Hao’s already working on it…”

Your voice is barely above a whisper as Wonwoo continues to stroke you gently; making no efforts to rush or add pressure to his feather-light touches.

A disappointed noise falls from your lips when he starts to pull his hand out of your shorts but it quickly turns into a content sigh when he starts teasing your chest instead.

“Mm, so soft…” Muttering against your shoulder, his eyes stare off into the dark room as he massages your body. “And all mine~”

You hum in response, “We should go on a date sometime…”

“You want to? We can go this weekend. After you’ve redone some of your project. I’ll take you somewhere nice for a job well done.”

You giggle softly; images of a wedding day’s Wonwoo dancing in your mind after the conversation you’d had with Minghao earlier. “I’d like that. We should do something for the whole day.”

“Whatever you’d like, baby.”

Wonwoo’s hand flits down your body again - snaking into your shorts and, this time, into your panties as you whine. “Do you wanna cum or go back to sleep, hmm?” 

You ponder it for a second as the drowsiness equates the urge to cum on his fingers. 

“Both? I wanna cum and then sleep a little more... If that’s okay?” 

Wonwoo hums in agreement as his fingertips drag through your folds - collecting the wetness on them before he teases your soaked hole. “Only a little teasing gets you this wet, hmm? So cute.” 

“Ah, f-feels good when you go slow t-too...” 

He stores that away in his head for later; chuckling against your shoulder as he slowly starts to dip his middle finger into your cunt. 

You feel warm and content when he starts a slow pace - thumb on your clit rubbing soft, slow circles while he pumps his finger into you. 

“O-oh, Wonwoo...” 

“You’re always good for me, baby. Always such a good girl.” 

“Ah, Wonwoo...”

“You can cum whenever you want. You deserve it.” 

He adds his index finger - thrusting both fingers into you as you mewl and arch away from his warm chest. Your toes curl and your thighs clamp and trap his hand between your legs as you start to grind down onto his nimble fingers.

“...W--Wonwoo...” 

“That’s right, baby. Call my name, let me hear your pretty voice when your cumming for me.” 

You turn your head - cries muffled into his pillow because despite his slower than usual pace, you find yourself already on the brink of cumming with his fingers knuckle deep inside of you and his thumb on your clit. 

“Mmh... Ah... Feels s-so warm... and g-good...” You mutter, eyes blinking drowsily. “Gonna c-cum...” 

He doesn’t say anything in return as he focuses on you and your pleasure; fingers scissoring and curling right into your g-spot as you clamp down onto them in a vice grip. 

Wonwoo knows when you’re about to cum when he feels your hand coming down on his forearm, holding onto him for dear life when your orgasm still hits you just as hard. 

“Ngh, Wo---Wonwoo!” 

Your walls flutter around his fingers and make it harder for him to thrust them in and out with how tight you get. 

“That’s my good girl. Cum for me, baby~” 

His deep voice makes you whine - nails digging into his arm and body trembling as the pleasure steadily washes over you. 

“Ah, bet your face is so pretty right now too~” 

“Mmh, s-stop...” Your cheeks burn in slight embarrassment from his constant praise but you can’t deny the way it goes straight to your core and only prolongs your orgasm. 

“Don’t be so shy, baby. It’s only you and me here.” 

Wonwoo leans away slightly to kiss the crown of your head - still working you through your orgasm as you sigh contentedly in his arms. 

Various thoughts run through his head in the moment, but the one that sits at the forefront of his mind is definitely how to make sure he kept treating you right. 

Starting with your date that he would spend time meticulously planning.

‘Ah, I should ask Mingyu for some advice.’ 

[soysaucevictim]

Week 3.

-

Oct. 16

I think I was up around 1PM.

Went on some errands, did some chatting and whatnot before taking a nap d/t being hella groggy. After that and more of the usual - helped put away dad’d laundry and did today’s DD...

2′ tree pose with EC (1′/1′). I technically tried doing 2′/2′. First side took a bit of digging in, with tense calves. I did hit at least 1′ for the other side, but foot kept sliding down and throwing me off center. Duly noted, these PJs are NOT suitable wear for this exercise. But this was no less fun.

Did get some more writing done after that.  Went to bed in the red zone again.

-

Oct. 17

I woke up around 2PM.

One of the first things I did was today’s DD. 1′ palm strikes with EC (30″/30″). I counted 66 reps, by the end of it. Love combat work like this. Pretty breezy and I’m glad I managed to stay above a 1/sec pace.

Made dinner, did some of the usual and spent rest of night doing some more writing.

Went to bed earlier than yesterday, but still in the red.

-

Oct. 18

I woke up around 9AM.

Watched a bit of YouTube and prepared for therapy again. It went pretty well, I think.

Got home to do some errands and the usual stuff before doing today’s exercise.

First, today’s DD. 40 [elbow] plank hold arm raises with EC. I didn’t break the blank but I mixed up how I loaded it. First 10 reps I alternated sides, second 10 I just raised right arm, next 10 the left, last 10 alternating again. Did feel it in my abs in the last half.

Last, Day 11 of the FP. Level 3, no rest. Fast Pace Cardio. I had an overfull stomach so I probably had to slow down my pace more than I otherwise would go at. It felt more like a strength workout, for it.

Spent rest of night doing the usual stuff, no writing tho.

Went to bed earlier than yesterday, but barely into the red.

-

Oct. 19

I woke up around 2PM.

Basically stumbled and reopened Steam / Idle Wizard again. Needless to say, my entire day was nuked by me just focusing on babysitting that game and the usual noise.

Ended up rain-checking on my exercise again. Didn’t do really anything productive.

Technically pulled an all-nighter (going to bed at like 11AM the next day).

-

Oct. 20

I woke up proper around 4PM.

Spent a few hours gaming and the usual. But I did some catching up with my exercise, if a bit late.

First, yesterday’s DD. 40 scissors with EC (supine). Right hip was a lil more prone to complain for this type of exercise. Rather, it’s not too painful, but I do feel the joint possibly subluxing a little (at least it feels like a slipping/popping... got me thinking about incorporating more gluteus medius work to stabilize it more).

Second, today’s DD. 30 tricep dips with EC. Just about manageable work, all told. Did feel my triceps by the end.

Third, Day 12 of the FP. Level 3, no rest. Tendon strength day. Lots of knee plank work again. Arms also felt the fatigue build up, not just the legs. But I do enjoy this kind of work a lot.

Last, Day 13 of the FP. Level 3, no rest. Abs & Core Day. Abs and quads started to feel it at this point. But also a fun set of exercises to do and a fun load.

I decided to update my budget table, given the low balance in my account. Felt good to just reassess some stuff. Will have to be careful for rest of month, there.

Also updated my sleep data spreadsheet. Mostly had to add some columns and fix some formulae due to that. To prepare for me to punch in the data since like April...

I did get to bed pretty late, in the red.

-

Oct. 21

I woke up around 2PM.

Same story as the 19th today. Gaming binged pretty much entire day.

Nothing very productive - though I  did reach a good enough break point to put away Steam (unlocking all the T2 classes in IW.)

Got to bed roughly the same time as yesterday.

-

Oct. 22

I woke up around 2PM.

Whilst chatting, I did some dishes and made today’s dinner. Pan-fried garlic herb gnocchi. I personally liked it. Dad had a hard time with it.

I then punchied in data into that sleep spreadsheet. Let’s just say, not surprised of the dip in healthier patterns since May... bleh. But It’s good to have a good overview to contextualize where I have to go from.

Spent time doing more dishes, chatting, and listening to music before exercising. It was rather late, but I got it done and caught up.

First, yesterday’s DD. 50 climber taps with EC. This got notably more intense in the last 10-20 reps. But I’m glad I was able to manage it.

Second, today’s DD. 2′ backfists with EC (1′/1′). I counted 152 reps by the time was up. A fun exercise to do.

Third, Day 14 of the FP. Level 3, no rest. Fast Pace Cardio. A fun one, though I liked the step extensions and half jacks the most. Just more satisfying to execute, but I love most jacks variations.

Last, Day 15 of the FP. Level 3, no rest. Strength training. Oof, lower back muscles really felt that, but I did try my best to focus more on recruiting the glutes and pelvic floor during the bridges. The prone work forced more back recruitment because... lack of flat chest. But it was manageable stacking on top of the previous day.

I basically pulled an all-nighter listening to a bunch of cool mash-ups (a bit after 8AM, did I get to bed).

[angeltrapz]

helo beloved mutual connor, im sorry ur goin thru it rn but i come bearing asks n a heart emoji (💗): bcuz i have had this thought floatin around for a lil bit, wld love 2 hear ur takes on an Adam/Eric/Mallick (+ Art too if u want!) road trip vacation! how long wld they go, do they get motels or camp or just sleep in th car? whats everyone's favorite road trip snack? what sorta shit do they like 2 stop for? (weird tourist traps like giant balls of yarn etc, small town main street stores, cool looking restaurants, nature sites, Actual Destinations, so on n so forth!)

fjkdsd thank u beloved mutual adam,,, <3

ohhh I love tht idea!! road trip fics/hcs are one of my weaknesses,,

but um!! I rly like the idea of th four of them going camping a few hours up north!! (we... don't rly know where. SAW is set so just. imagine a vaguely rural campground lmao. I'm used to camping in th upper peninsula of MI so) it's smth tht Art did a lot w his family when he was growing up, so he's th most familiar w it - Eric went a few times as a kid too, Mallick went Once, n Adam has never rly been camping, w his family or otherwise (he's slept on a trampoline at one of his friends' houses once tho). Art is p excited abt it tbh, it's not exactly smth he gets 2 do often so he's got this whole list planned of things he wants 2 show them!!

it's easiest 2 just take a week in late August, bc they can head back home on a Friday n have the weekend to settle n readjust b4 th coming week + they have to go back 2 work. so they head out around ten on a Monday morning 2 kind of get ahead of th traffic (or at least try to). Art drives both bc he insists and bc he knows they can switch if he needs to, which he does later w Eric. it's a good couple hours (at least 3) b4 they get 2 th campground Art wants to take them to, so clearly it is Music Time + Adam made sure 2 bring CDs! a lot of that time is just spent vibing 2 th music and singing very, very loudly (ESP on Adam + Mallick's end). Art's up front like u three are so fucking goofy (affectionate), but eventually he starts singing too lmao.

Mallick starts th Colour Game, where they try 2 find a car fr every colour of th rainbow. it's smth Eric is familiar w as well bc he used 2 play it w Daniel sometimes, and it's good until they come to purple bc how often do u see purple cars??? so Adam's just like "we're not gonna find pink either" n tht's when this fucking pink pickup truck (noticeably spray-painted, + not done well) passes them n Adam just groans n thumps his head against th window. Mallick is like, trying rly hard not to laugh by pressing a hand over his mouth + Art is biting his lip, but Eric is very openly cackling bc "u see what happens when u assume???" (he gets a very light slap 2 th shoulder but it's still very gentle)

ANYWAY. favourite snacks!! Adam can eat Way Too Many Sour Patch Kids. sour anything, actually, as long as it's candy. yes his tongue hurts and no he doesn't regret it. Eric just gets goldfish bc he tends 2 get a lil carsick + bc it's a food tht's familiar n comforting, n he doesn't rly want 2 be eating anything Too heavy (he's up front w Art, so he can sit by a window in case he needs some fresh air at any point). Mallick likes m&m's, but he switches fr cheez-its every once in a while bc he can only eat so much chocolate. Art likes those peanut-butter filled pretzel bites! he's also partial 2 animal crackers tho. they also bring a good amount of snacks/things they can b sure th four of them like, bc yeah there's a lil store abt a half hour away frm their campsite + they can go there to pick up things if they need 2, but it's easier 2 bring things they like, too. (there's also a mcdonald's in tht town n. they do go there at LEAST twice.)

th campsite they stay at has a lake + a beach, n one of Art + Adam's fave things 2 do is walk along it to see if they can find anything interesting! Mallick goes sometimes too, but mostly he stays w Eric bc Eric can't do tht fr as long as Adam + Art can (not tht he's resentful of it tho). he n Mallick chill on th beach w a blanket (it's kind of like. not necessarily sandy?) n just kinda sit against/lay on each other n read sometimes. Adam + Art come back 2 where they're set up to find them sleeping n Adam has never been more thankful he thought 2 bring his camera!!

on th second day Art + Mallick want 2 go swimming, so th four of them come back out to th beach, but Adam stays out of th water + Eric stays w him. they both know th water will be cold, even if it's late summer, n Adam rly doesn't like being in cold water ESP if it's over his head/he can't touch th bottom. fr Eric th cold can b kind of painful, so they chill n walk along th beach fr a little bit n just talk. Adam gets some good pictures n even gets some of Eric! he also does take a selfie of them, he can't help it. he gets a couple of Mallick + Art too. it's honestly such a nice thing fr them n it just feels like they can breathe easy, not having 2 worry abt looking over their shoulders constantly (tho they're all getting better abt that).

th third day they spend around th campsite to kind of unwind n relax. they might walk th beach a little bit again, but mostly they just sorta chill n walk some of th trails around the campground itself. when night falls they light a small bonfire (Mallick is still iffy around fire, understandably) n they sit around it in their folding chairs w th cupholders (Adam gets red, Eric has green, Art gets blue, + Mallick gets dark green) n make s'mores. they talk abt anything n everything until they're barely able 2 keep their eyes open, n then after making sure th fire is pretty much out they kinda just stumble into th tent n none of them r awake for very long after (they specifically got one tht cld comfortably hold th four of them).

fourth day!! they pack up n head into another little town about 45 minutes away; it's bigger than th one around th campgrounds. after they get situated in a motel room w two beds, they do some window shopping + going into lil stores that interest them! Adam def buys some niche graphic tees tht aren't going 2 make sense to anyone other than th four of them n he's delighted abt it. I like 2 think Eric gets a worry stone, specifically made out of rose quartz. Mallick too, but his is made of amethyst! he also gets a rly cool multicoloured jacket in a thrift store they duck into. Art gets a hoodie w th town's name on it n he's pretty happy w that. they get a few more lil things, just little knick-knacks while they're there, n then they have dinner in this lil diner they'd walked past earlier bc it's inexpensive + the atmosphere is very lowkey n honestly just Nice. there's not a bunch of ppl, the servers r rly kind n the lights aren't too bright, which Eric rly appreciates. it's such a tender moment bc they're squeezed into a booth, Adam + Mallick on one side n Art + Eric on th other, n they're talking n laughing n stealing bites of each other's food n it's Comfortable.

then they head back to th motel n channel surf while unpacking enough 2 get to their sleep clothes. Adam + Eric r sharing a bed n Art + Mallick r sharing th other one, tho Adam is very tempted 2 just push them together so they're all close by (th distance btwn th beds isn't tht big to begin with, but it's the principle of th thing). mostly tho, until they go to bed, they're pretty much just all stretched out Everywhere. Adam is only discouraged frm jumping across th divide btwn th beds bc Art breaks out his Lawyer Voice, despite trying rly hard not to laugh, to say Yr Going To Hurt Yrself, Don't Do That. he grumbles n whines abt it but Adam knows he's right jdhjks (th way he sees it is like. he can b silly sometimes. he's Earned It, but he also trusts Art + wasn't super serious abt tht idea). eventually tho Eric can hardly keep his eyes open n Mallick is just straight up asleep while he's still sitting up so tht's when they all go to bed after making sure every1 is comfortable. they leave a lamp on.

fifth day they pack everything up again n stop 2 walk th trails of this lil park b4 they head home! there's a lil shop near th parking lot so they spend a lil bit of time looking around in there first. they probably pick up a few lil things, souvenirs, n Adam walks around 2 get some pictures. he gets this rly cool one while they're on a bridge, th sun peeking thru the clouds a lil bit n shining down on th water. he's super excited to develop tht one (but he's excited to develop All of them, bc this is his family!!!) + he n Art discuss whether or not they're gonna need another cork board lol. eventually tho they round back to th parking lot n on th way home, they stop at another lil hole-in-th-wall kind of place, but it's just as nice as the first one they'd been to. after tht Eric switches spots w Art n he drives them home!!

they're all exhausted when they get back but they have room to crash w each other while they nap so tht's what they do. they fall asleep all tangled together, Art stretched out w Eric's head on his chest, Adam curled against Eric's back, n Mallick w his head on Art's stomach. there r arms n legs everywhere n tht is okay. they're happy. they love each other. they had a lot of fun on their trip n they're tired, but they're comfortable!! tht's what it's all abt!!! it's just such a good n relaxing experience fr them after all th shit they've been thru.

[sad-boy-mono]

High school casualties

Chapter 1/?

Word count-1,779 

Masterpost with Ao3 link

Damien sat at his desk, the typing on his keyboard slowly coming to a stop as he finally finished the essay he had been working on for the past few hours. He looked at the bright screen of his laptop and quickly skimmed the concluding paragraph. Satisfied with his work, he closed his device and sunk into his chair as he let out an exasperated sigh. His bed looked more inviting than ever.

Damien, enjoying this new found sense of relaxation, threw off his glasses and rubbed his strained eyes so intensely that colorful dots and random patterns began to flood his eyelids. His head ache pounding harder than it had been over the past few weeks, but hey, at least he finally finished that essay.

Once his eyes felt somewhat hydrated again, he pulled himself out of the old office chair he had been sitting in. He stretched his stiff body, joints popping loudly.

Pretty sure that wasn’t there when I started, Damien thought to himself as he saw the sun peak up from behind his curtains of his window, What time is it anyways?

Damien scanned the area for his phone, spotting it buried under a small stack of papers and sticky notes, as well as some gum wrappers. He grabbed it and turned it on, hissing at the sudden brightness. Letting his eyes re-adjust to the light, he checked the time. It was almost 5:30.

Well I’m only gonna get 2 hours of sleep if I go to bed now, Damien thought to himself as he made his way to his bed, but ya know, it’s gonna be fine. Maybe I can convince my brain it’s only 3! Ya hear that ya dumb stupid brain, it’s only 3 in the morning! Not 5:30! You’re gonna be fine! Everything is fiiiiiiiiiine.

As the delusional teen concluded his thought, he collapsed into bed, falling asleep within moments of his face hitting the pillow. School was going to be rough that day.

===

Yo sorry but Damien REALLY can’t come to the phone right now, so try texting like a normal person

Shayne let out an audible sigh. He had already texted his friend that he was waiting for him outside, like he did everyday. At this point, Shayne was ready to barge into Damien’s house and see if he was dead or not.

Ok if he doesn’t answer this time, I’m gonna murder him. Shayne thought, as he began to call again.

===

Damien’s eyes slowly opened to the sound of a barely familiar ringtone. No one ever called him, let alone at this hour. But without even thinking to check the caller ID, he answered. It was probably important if it was at this hour. Or one committed spam caller.

“Hello?” Damien answered groggily, sleep heavy in his voice.

“Dude where are you? I’ve been waiting for you for the past 15 minutes!” Shayne said, pacing up and down the old wooden porch that lead up to Damien’s house.

Shit, Damien sprung out of his bed so fast his head hurt (Even more then it already did) and he became slightly dizzy. He already started looking around for his clothes, “Uh-yeah sorry! I’ll be out there soon!”

“Ok hurry up, or we’ll be late!” Shayne said hanging up the phone and forcefully putting it back in his pocket with a huff, continuing his pacing.

Damien took a look at his phone and winced. Not only from 8 missed messages and 1 missed call from Shayne. Or the fact it was 8:16 and he had to be at school at 8:40 and didn’t have a car. But his headache was worse than ever. Maybe it was the lack of sleep that made it worse, or the sudden blinding light of his phone; either way, he was not having a good time.

Damien fumbled around his room, putting on whatever clean clothes he had, not really caring if it would look good in the end. He stuck a piece of gum in his mouth to substitute brushing his teeth and began the search for his backpack.

About 5 minutes later Damien was fumbling out the door, adjusting the beanie that seemed haphazardly put on at the last minute, still putting stuff in his bag and his shoes half on.

“Let’s go.” Shayne said, not even bothering to let Damien fully out the door before he started walking off.

“Dude wait up!” Damien said forcing on his untied shoe. “Look, I’m sorry I kept you waiting. I slept through my alarms.”

“Yeah it’s fine, but- Holy- Dude you look like shit!” Shayne said, actually getting a look at Damien.

“Thanks, I feel like shit.”

“What happened?” Shayne asked. It looks like you got hit by a fucking truck

“Well Shayne, that’s exactly what happened!” Damien joked punctuated his statement with finger guns and a yawn.

“What?” Shayne asked.

“No, I’m just kidding. I was up all night working on homework.”

“Oh, um, alright then, why didn’t you work on it earlier? Dude are you ok?”

“Shayne, buddy, don’t worry about it, everything is fine, totally fine,” Damien said, in an ominously cheerful tone. “Let’s just get to school and meet up with Court.”

“Ok…”

===

“Finally! There are my BOYS!” Courtney exclaimed as Damien and Shayne approached the main entrance of the school where Courtney was waiting for them. “What took you 2 so long?” She asked and wrapped her arms around both of their shoulders.

“Well someone,” Shayne rolled his eyes towards Damien and punched his shoulder slightly, “worked on his homework all night and slept through his alarms!”

“Yeah Shayne, why would you do that!” Damien said, crossing his arms

“Wha- ME!” Shayne spat, taking a small step back. And Courtney, with her arm still around him, stumbled back as well.

“Yeah you!”

“You son of a bi-”

“Ok enough,” Courtney cut them off after regaining her balance, “save the arguments for later, we’re gonna be late! And Damien,” Courtney dropped her arms from the boy’s shoulders and dug into her bag. Then after a moment or two, handed Damien a travel mug, “drink this, it’s coffee. Not exactly the way you drink it but hopefully that’ll wake you up a bit”

“Mmmmmmm, bean juice.” Damien mumbled and took a drink.

“You can have the rest, you look like you need it much more than I do.” Courtney said. Damien gasped in mock offense.

“What doth thy meaneth? Art thou saying I looketh like shit?” Damien said dramatically, lazy hand jesters included.

“Yes that’s exactly what I’m saying.” She deadpanned and began walking into the school, Shayne and Damien following.

“So what where you working on last night then?” Shayne asked.

“Yeah what was so important that you worked on it for so long it sucked the soul of you?” Courtney asked, once again wrapping her arms around her boys as they walked.

“That essay for Mr. Hecox’s class I was telling y’all about a few weeks ago.” Damien confessed.

God he really put it off for that long? Damn is he okay?

“Yeah Shayne I’m fine. I’ve just had this awful headache for the past few weeks and I wanted to work on it when it went away, but it didn’t.” Damien looked and saw confusion clear on both of his friend’s faces. “What?”

Shayne glanced at Damien, then Courtney, trying to figure out how Damien heard him.

“Um, yeah no it’s nothing. Just… never mind.” Shayne gave a confused glanced at Courtney, who gave one right back.

“What, what’re y’all looking at?”

“Oh uh, it’s nothing, just drink your coffee. This is our class anyways so we gotta shut up now.” Courtney pointed at the door, patting Damien’s arm and dropping her own arms from the boy’s shoulders.

“Oh- alright then.” Damien mumbled to himself and walked in with his friends.

They made it in the class by 8:45. So yeah, they were late. But by the looks of the empty desk right by the door, so was their teacher.

“Oh looks like we don’t have to shut up now.” Shayne said.

“Damn all that stress for nothing!” Damien sighed.

“Well, let’s just relax and chat then! Like Shayne said, we don’t gotta shut up just yet.” Courtney said, walking to her desk, the boys once again following her.

The three slid into their desks, Shayne sitting to Damien’s right and Courtney in front of Damien. They began chatting with each-other and a few people around them. Well, two of them were chatting. Damien was silent, resting his head on his desk. He may as well exploit this time to get a little more sleep, or just zone the fuck out. Either way he was resting up to the best of his ability. Trying to make the pounding in his head go away.

===

“-ien? Hello~ Earth to Damien~” Shayne said, gently rocking his sleeping friend.

“Wha-,”Damien hummed, glancing around at the classroom, hearing it quiet down.

“Sorry to interrupt your nap, but Mrs. Whittle’s here.” Shayne said with a sympathetic smile, then turned around to face the front.

Damien began to sit up reluctantly. He dug through his bag and got out the materials that his teacher listed on the board. Looks like they didn’t need much. Which Damien won’t complain about, the less work he has to do today the better.

“Alright class, why don’t you guys take a seat! I’ve got all my bearings so we can finally start!” Mrs. Whittle unlocked her computer. “Ok attendance, you guys know the drill!”

As she went down the list, Damien noticed quite a few people missing. People he was sure he noticed in the room when he first entered. Damien checked his phone again. It was now 8:57. So their teacher was almost 20 minutes late. It looks like people decided not to wait and just left.

“Alright, got that done!” Mrs. Whittle stood up from her desk and made her way to the board. “Again class, so sorry I was late today. We had an issue with one of the cats this morning and it was not pretty, ended up having to take the lil guy to the Vet but he’ll be ok! But anyways I hope you enjoyed this extra time to chat with your classmates. It works out in the end since today I planned something simple for us to work on today!”

As the class carried on, Damien barley paid attention. It’d be fine though, he would just ask Shayne or Courtney what went on and what he needed to know. It would be fine, this was a simple lesson anyways.

===

[gresiniracing]

17 Questions/Answers

thank u 4 tagging me @mickstart <3 !! taggin anyone who wants 2 do this bc i don't know who already has so: do it if u wanna & tag me <3

NICKNAMES: i don't have one

ZODIAC SIGN: aries :D

HEIGHT: 5'7 ish?

HOGWARTS HOUSE: gryffindor :P

LAST THING I GOOGLED: fucking unironically "mitch evans" bc i was on his wiki page earlier kdhdkdh

SONG STUCK IN MY HEAD: life's a beach by bears in trees (10/10 recommend good song)

NUMBER OF FOLLOWERS: 219

AMOUNT OF SLEEP: i think i slept about 4 hours last night? but add the 2 hour nap so 6 hours lmao

LUCKY NUMBER: 4 or 64 (4x4x4 innit)

DREAM JOB: aha no idea 0_0

WEARING: uhh a very oversized grey hoodie and black joggers

FAVE SONG: uhh i don't think i have just one but rn maybe dying in a hot tub by palaye royale? it changes a lot tho

FAVE INSTRUMENT: maybe guitar? i cant play any tho so idrk

FAVE AUTHOR: ahhh that's difficult, donna tartt maybe? orr patrick ness? or like oscar wilde was a fantastic author but had a few gross opinions ahh this question has no right being this hard

FAVE ANIMAL NOISES: uhh cats lil meows n purrs 🥺 cute

RANDOM: god i'm too boring 4 this uhhmm uhhmm why is this so hard. thru lockdown pt 1 i basically just stuck random temporary tattoos on my face all the time, i had aliens on my forehead a lot lmao :)

HAVE A RECENT PIC: me (red hair) ft. my bf (cuter) with an instagram filter lmao

[seasonofthegeek]

Miraculous Holidays: Snowed In

Written for @wearemiraculous

This prompt was requested by the amazing @gabriel-fucking-agreste for Gabriel, Nathalie, and Jagged, and because I love you lots, there is a vampire.

Days 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28:

“Well, this is certain to cause us trouble.” Gabriel frowned at the snow and sleet raining down outside the window. “Jagged, I think it would be best if you retreat to one of the guest rooms. I can lock you in for your own safety.”

The other man visibly bristled as he leaned against the wall. “I’m not an animal, mate. Believe it or not, I can survive being snowed in with you two without ripping your throats out.” He flashed a wide smile that showcased two delicate fangs. “Might be fun though. Besides, if you’re going to lock me up, you should lock up your sweet lil pup too.”

Nathalie scowled at him. “It’s not even close to the full moon. I’m in no danger of transforming here.”

“Wonder if there’s an old tale about this somewhere. A vampire, a werewolf, and a changeling snowed in late at night in the middle of nowhere...” Jagged chuckled to himself. “Who will survive, who will thrive....”

Gabriel turned away from the window and pinched the bridge of his nose, pushing his glasses up in agitation.  “Please don’t call me that.”

“S’whatcha are, Gabe. Wee little Fae babe who was left to be raised by humans.”

Nathalie stepped between the men with a put upon sigh. “Since we don’t know how long we’re going to be here, perhaps it would be wise to take stock of our supplies instead of snipping at each other. Jagged, did you bring any bagged blood with you?”

“Don’t drink the stuff, pet. I like my blood alive. Besides, thought we were only up here for the day. Meeting of the supernatural minds for the Winter Solstice and all that.”

“In other words, you’re unprepared.” She turned to Gabriel. “Do you think we can expect any of the others to make it here before things get too bad?”

“I think they’ve already gone bad unfortunately. I don’t believe anyone could make it in a storm like this. We should’ve left earlier before we got stuck here ourselves.”

Jagged pushed away from the wall. “Well, as much fun as it would be to watch you two moan and groan about our predicament the rest of the night, the cold doesn’t much bother me so I think I’ll be off.”

Nathalie snorted. “You can’t be serious.”

“Course I am. Not all warm blooded like you lot. I can walk right out of here.”

“You’d freeze,” she replied incredulously. “You wouldn’t make it to the nearest town before you froze in place and had to wait to thaw like everything else. Even you have limitations.”

“Let him go. It’d make the stay much more pleasant,” Gabriel remarked. “Would you like to go see what the food situation is like? It’d be best to settle that early.”

“That sounds reasonable,” she agreed, following him towards the kitchen.

“I mean it. I’m leaving,” Jagged called after them. “Not waiting around.”

___

“I’m starving,” Jagged whined, draping himself across the couch. “I’ve got bags under my eyes and my skin’s looking all waxy. I hate when my skin looks waxy.”

“Perhaps you should’ve left five days ago when you threatened to.” Gabriel didn’t look up from his book. “You know where the door is.”

“I can’t go out in this state. I wouldn’t make it to the end of the driveway. This storm’s unnatural. There’s a witch or wizard or something behind it, mark my words.”

“I’ve been wondering about that actually.” Nathalie went to the wall of bookshelves and looked over the titles. “It might not be an accident we’re the only ones stuck here.”

Gabriel closed his book and looked to her across the room. “You really believe someone targeted the three of us?”

“I don’t know why they would. We’re only representatives, not necessarily important members of our groups, but it’s just a feeling.”

“Why’d you have to go and bring that up?” Jagged groaned. “You’ve gone and made me think and now my head hurts.” He closed his eyes and rubbed his temples. “See what you can find in those books about the Sacrifice of Three for the Solstice. And keep it down; I need a nap.”

___

“Jagged? Are you awake?”

Jagged blinked blearily into the dim light of his room. “That you, pet?”

“You’re not doing well,” Nathalie said. “How long can you go without blood?”

“Indefinitely, really. Not a pretty picture though. Keep wasting away til--” His words were cut off by a rasping cough. He grimaced and wiped his mouth with a thin hand. “Another week or so and I’ll be little more than bones and skin.”

“That’s what I was afraid of.” She sat on the edge of his bed. Her mouth was set in a thin line of determination. “Can I trust you?”

“Trust me?” he mused. “With what, love?”

She swallowed thickly. “If I let you drink, you won’t take too much, right? Just enough to be okay.”

Jagged grunted in mild pain as he pushed himself up into a sitting position. “You want to give me blood?”

“No,” she admitted. “But after what you said the other day about the sacrifice, I started studying some of the books and I think you’re right. I think someone means for us to die here.”

His eyes sharpened on her. “And you don’t want to let that happen.” 

“No.”

“What’s Gabe say about all this?”

“He...he doesn’t know about this.” Her eyes flicked downwards. “But he agrees about the sacrifice. We need to make a plan, the three of us. We’ll be out of food soon too, and the full moon is coming. I can feel it. The two of you won’t survive in here with me. I can’t control myself.”

“I think you should give yourself more credit than that.”

“It’s not about credit; it’s about the facts.”

“I doubt Gabe has reservations about letting me wither away,” Jagged pointed out. “Why not just save yourselves?”

“Gabriel doesn’t want you to die. Not really. He would want you to think that, but...” She trailed off and shook her head. “Do you want this or not?” She held out her hand, wrist up.

“Is that where you want me to drink from, dearest?” Jagged’s voice was low as he shifted beside her. He brushed her hair behind her ear and relished her shiver.

“I...wherever you think is best.”

He smiled and leaned in, brushing his nose against the sensitive skin just below her ear. “I have ideas of what is best, pet, but we’ll save those for another time.”

She shook slightly as he wrapped himself around her. “Is it going to hurt?” she whispered, baring her neck.

“In the best way,” he promised before he pressed his lips to her throat.

___

“Help me move the drawers in front of the door,” Gabriel yelled, shoving his shoulder against the piece of heavy wooden furniture. Jagged joined him and they barricaded the door just as it shook on its hinges and a low rumbling growl sounded on the other side. 

“Bloody hell, that happened fast.” Jagged yanked the other man’s arm hard, pulling him into the connected bathroom and slamming the door behind them. “She was just talking and then...” He shook his head. “I’ve seen weres change before but never like that. Has it always been that way for her?”

Gabriel sank down to the floor and dropped his head to his hands. “It’s never been that fast for her before. She usually can feel it coming and locks herself away. It’s so painful to hear but she insists I stay safe. Seeing her like that was...”

“Yeah.” Jagged put his back against the door for extra protection as he folded to the floor. “You think whoever has been causing this storm somehow caused her to transform early?”

“I suppose it’s possible.” He clenched his jaw. “Did you see her face when it began to happen? She was terrified. I’m going to kill whoever’s done this.”

“If they don’t kill us first,” Jagged sighed. He looked over the angst-ridden man across from him. “You love her, don’t you?”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Gabriel snapped.

“I can see how you would. She’s easy to fall for. Smart, sexy, incredibly badass. I think I’m in love with her.”

“You can’t be serious.”

“Course I am.” Jagged eyed him. “You got a problem with that?”

“Wouldn’t matter if I did, I suppose.”

___

“Come on, take some of my life force. Better me than our Nathalie. You’re looking rough, mate. No other way to go about it.” 

Gabriel glared at Jagged but it lost most of its strength in his weakened state. “I won’t feed on either of you. I’m not that way.”

“Can’t keep denying what you are. Come on then. Show me those pretty, sharp teeth I know you have hiding in there.”

Gabriel’s eyes flashed glowing gold and he blinked it away. “Go to hell, Jagged.”

“Gabriel, please. We can’t lose you.” Nathalie brushed his hair away from his forehead. “There’s hardly any food left. You need to do this.”

He took in a rattling breath. “And what about you? You need food.”

She exchanged a quick look with Jagged before returning her attention to Gabriel. “I’m going to be fine, I promise.”

“Now feed on me, you stubborn ass.” Jagged jammed his forearm against Gabriel’s mouth and the other man cursed against his skin. His eyes flashed gold again and then he was biting into Jagged’s arm with elongated teeth. The other man went limp in his arms as a soft glow grew around them.

“That’s enough, Gabriel.” Nathalie pulled on his hair but he growled and tightened his grip on Jagged’s arm. “That’s enough!” she yelled, pulling his head back as hard as she could.

Gabriel gasped in surprise, gold eyes fading to gray blue and his sharp teeth shrinking back into their normal guise. He looked down at Jagged in horror. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry...I didn’t mean...”

Jagged coughed weakly and pushed himself up on his good arm. “S’all good, love. We’re all good.”

___

“We can’t make it to spring like this. She’s not going to make it.” Gabriel wearily looked over at Nathalie’s sleeping form. “She hardly has the energy to stay awake for more than a couple hours at a time now.”

“Gonna turn her,” Jagged murmured tiredly. “But you’ll have to feed us both then. Wanted to wait as long as we could.”

“Will it work?”

“Don’t know,” he admitted. “Could kill her instead of turn her since she’s a wolf.”

“But we don’t have any other options. She’s going to die anyway.”

“Looks like.”

Gabriel closed his eyes. It was too hard to keep them open these days. “You think we can last?”

“I think we have to.”

___

Gabriel limped out into the melting snow, feeling the sun on his skin for the first time in weeks. He took in a deep, shaky breath and let it out slowly. If they could last until sunset, they’d made it. They’d survived. 

He went to his car and climbed inside with a shiver. It took a few tries, but the engine finally turned over and the sound of it idling was music to his ears. He turned it off and hobbled back inside. At dusk, he would take them out of this place. He would drive them somewhere safe and nurse them back to health. He would care for his vampires in a way that only he could and when they were finally strong again, they would fight back.

Gabriel smiled back up at sun before closing the cabin door one last time.

Buy me a cherry coke?

[dolphin-enthusiast]

how are you feeling today?? as always, i do hope the answer is positive!! today was hectic since i had to run many errands, so now i'm relaxing after a sudden 2 hour nap my body decided to take haha 😅 i had to run to a florist earlier today and saw this beautiful bouquet of these deep purple and burgundy flowers,, they reminded me of you!! i'm mad at myself since i forgot to take a photo, i really wanted to show you 💞🌺 (1/4)

"after that, i went food shopping for a bit, then stopped at a café to quickly get some lunch, i was about to order when i saw that a man dropped his wallet unknowingly so i rushed to return it, and in return, he payed for my lunch!! then i went to the post office and mailed some letters, and then i walked about 3 km to get home!! (2/4)

i got distracted for a bit because some of the stray cats in my neighborhood came to say hello 😊 they know me well since i like to leave out food, water, and old blankets for them!! there are 6 that come around, but only 3 were here today!! i don't know their names, but i gave them ones myself,, the cats that were here are called Vino, Strawberry, and Little Dipper (according to me at least hehe) hopefully soon i can get photos of them for you!!(3/4)

oops, it seems that i rambled again, sorry!! i hope you don't mind~! please remember to take care of yourself and take some time to relax 💗 - un sacco di amore, la tua waifu 💌💌💌💌💘💘💘💘💘😍😍😍😊😊😊😳😳😳😘😘😘💖💖💖💖💖💖💋💋💋 ps: i think we should add bloody stream to the wedding playlist 😉✨ (4/4)"

Dear i am now fully convinced that u must be some kind of goddess entity because not only are u doing superhuman efforts during the pandemic but ur also meeting with all sorts of lovely plants/animals on a daily basis and im left amazed once again😞😞😞 and since we speak of it, u should try not exposing urself too much since u been running left and right all day long (but if ur wearing a mask and respecting boundaries then thats fine too)

I should also mention that u were (as expected) an absolute icon for returning the man's wallet and it was really nice of him to pay for u...also dont be mad bc i'll wait patiently till u show me the flowers (if u return to the shop) or cats😤👊 also the flowers reminding u of me got me like ahchcsjjd like they were purple and purple is basically my fav color besides green???? W i g??? Burgundy is also a very pretty shade too-

And yes we should add bloody stream to the playlist too its an absolute B A N G E R and while we're at it i'll add in great days too bc its p much iconic 😔🤙 as for myself i been drawing all day, then in the evening rewatched an anime i really liked for a little bit (im p sure u know which anime i speak of doe👁️👁️) then gathered some more force and wrote a lil request....the daily grind suxgchdhs

[lightanddarklove]

Converse Week Day 3: Sleep

Sleep: Rest Well my Beloved

Rated: Teen | 1930 Words | Warnings: Insomnia, Misgendering, Asexual Spectrum, Childbirth and Breastfeeding discussions

Day 1 Prompt | Day 2 Prompt | Day 3 Prompt | Day 4 prompt  | Day 5 prompt  | Day 6 Prompt | Day 7 prompt | My Writing Masterpost

Adult Converse parents. Connie and Steven are using Peanut as a nickname for their daughter, and the Tamil words for grandparents for Doug and Priayanka. Mother's father is Taata and Mother's mother is Paati.

Also, lil bit of Demisexual Steven mention when they're talking about therapy.

Steboni’s name for their daughter is from @discount-supervillain​, see here for their adolescent Connie and Steven daughter that is adorable.

Thanks for reading and I love hearing from readers, please let me know what you think.

As new parents, Steven and Connie aren't getting much sleep. However, Steven seems to be actively avoiding resting, and Connie intends to find out why. Fluff with a bit of adult subjects related to childbirth. Connie-centric. Teen.

Being a new parent is hard, Connie thought to herself as she lay in bed, awoken by the sound of crying from the baby monitor. I knew that already, but actually getting as little sleep as we are, is very different from being told that you will. She sighed quietly, and was about to take off the covers when she felt the bed beside her shift. She cracked one eye open to see Steven sitting up and about to go face the crying infant in the other room. He was turned away from her and she gently reached out to touch his back.

“It’s my turn, Biscuit,” she mumbled. He stood and turned to face her with a tired half-smile.

“I couldn’t sleep.” He groaned. “You pumped enough earlier? I can get it.”

“Yeah, but you should try to get some rest,” she replied, voice thick with sleepiness.

“You can get the first diaper when the sun’s out,” he said, leaning down and pressing a kiss to Connie’s cheek. She ran a weary hand through his curls as he moved away.

“Ok,” she relented. He turned the baby monitor down, as they always did when the other is still in bed. She closed her eyes and heard him pad away. She tried to breathe deeply as his voice came from the monitor. He crooned sweetly at their crying daughter. Cries turned into whimpers as she heard her husband in the other room, comforting their baby. After a few minutes, she knew the pair had left the room to get breastmilk as they went quiet.

It would have been the best time to fall back asleep while her husband and daughter were in the kitchen. Unfortunately despite counting breaths and trying not to think about anything, her mind was drawn back to how little Steven was sleeping. I have to do something, she thought. He can’t keep this up forever. I’ll call mom, or Greg or the gems in the morning, see if they can watch Steboni sometime this week so he can get some rest.

It had been just over a week since Connie and the baby had come home from the hospital. Having her parents stay at the apartment for the first few nights had helped, but since then, Steven rarely slept before 4 am, and never more than 4 hours at a time. The bags under his eyes were getting worse, and they looked about as bad as they did when he was running Little Homeschool. When she was up for the day, she sometime spotted him curled up in a chair, squeezing in a 20 minute nap here and here. It was seldom now he looked rested.

Connie tried turning over again and sat for another few minutes before hauling herself out of bed, scrubbing her eyes. With a groan and pop of stiff joints, she stretched and made her way to the bathroom. Moments later, she emerged, and Steven still hadn’t come back to bed. She moved into the kitchen, and found it absent before looking into the living room. There, near to the center of the room, he was seated pretzel style with their daughter in the crook of his arm as she sleepily chugged down the ends of her bottle. Lion was pressed against Steven’s back, drowsily observing at the bundle in Steven’s arms.

Connie caught Steven singing ends of a lullaby she recognized as being one Greg wrote when Steven was a baby. Somber and sweet, his voice had more baritone qualities as Steven had aged, but it was still his. Connie smiled fondly.

“Things start and things end And isn’t it lovely in theory but I could never be, I could never be, I could never be ready.”

Steboni had her eyes fluttering between open and closed as he sang, so he repeated the final verse a second time. Connie quietly stepped back into their bedroom to grab her phone off the charger and snapped a picture from the kitchen doorway as he finished the song and their daughter fell asleep. She set the phone down on the kitchen counter. He still hadn’t made any indication he had noticed Connie as he gently rocked the baby in his arms. Upon Connie’s entrance into the dimly lit room, Lion flicked his ear and raised his head slightly. This finally brought Steven’s attention from his daughter to his wife. His eyes only glanced up to Connie for a moment before looking back down in adoration at their child.

“Couldn’t sleep either?” Steven murmured.

“I was hoping you’d be back to bed by now,” she answered softly, stepping toward the pair.

“Hmm,” he crooned. “Our little one was fussy when I was changing her. I think she’ll go down easy now that she’s eaten though.”

“I’ll take her to the crib,” Connie offered in a whisper.

“I would say no, that I can do it, but I’m actually pretty comfy right now,” he replied. “You don’t mind?”

“I got you, Biscuit.” Connie snuck her hands into Steven’s arms and cradled their daughter carefully, supporting the neck as her mother had taught the young parents. She held the infant, rocking gently, and strode to the nursery, setting her down with the utmost care. With a smile, Connie tucked a loose curl into her daughter’s beanie, and tiptoed back into the living room.

Steven slouched against Lion comfortably. He gave her a lopsided grin as she sat down on the floor beside him, calves tucked under her thighs, so she was at the proper height to rest her head on his shoulder. She took one of his hands in hers and rested in on her thigh, rubbing circles on the softened palm with her thumb. He lazily stroked her leg with two fingers.

He pressed a kiss to her temple and he hummed, “Thanks for that, Strawberry.”

“Anytime,” she mumbled into his shoulder. She straightened slightly so she could look into his eyes. “Are we going back to bed, or we staying here for a while?”

“What’s the rush?” he asked. “Stay and sit a spell, I’m in no hurry.”

“You need your sleep, Steven.”

“Eventually, yes, but I could fall asleep here.”

“You’ll wake up with a sore neck.”

“I can live with that. It’s so warm next to Lion and with you here, I have no reason to get up until the baby does.”

“Are you having a hard time falling asleep in bed?” she asked with undisguised concern.

“We’re parents to an infant,” he said, tone apathetic, “there’s no way that we’re sleeping through the night anytime soon. I’m not in a hurry to get in bed, sleep for two hours and wake up again. I’d rather sit here with you. I can sleep later.”

“I said I’d take the next diaper,” she replied. “You did two in a row, plus I think you gave her the last of the breastmilk I had pumped, so I’ll need to get it anyway.” He leaned into her and hummed in thought.

“You could… try pumping while sitting next to me so we can snuggle?”

“Oh that would be very sexy of me.” She said, voice thickly sarcastic.

“I watched you give birth?” he replied, voice trailing upward as he spoke, “Do you think that if that couldn’t scare me away, watching you use a breast pump would?”

“I’m pretty sure most of the time you were crying or had your face in your hands,” she teased.

“Berry, I was worried…” he whined.

“And everything with me and our daughter is fine now, so I’m worrying about you.” She pointed to his chest as she spoke. “So why aren’t you sleeping?”

“No fair,” he pouted, looking away. “I just wanted to cuddle and now you wanna make me talk about serious stuff.”

“What’s serious about it?” Her hand reached his cheek and pulled his face toward hers for a kiss. After they pulled apart he sighed.

“I know this is a long road ahead of us, but I don’t want to miss any of it.”

“Parenting is not a sprint, but-“she recited.

“It’s a marathon.” They said together. He looked away again, rubbing the back of his neck.

“I know,” he muttered, “but even when I try to sleep I just end up thinking about everything that can go wrong.”

“It’s scary, but we’re lucky we have a lot of support.” She replied comfortingly. “We have Paati and Taata, Pops Greg, Auntie Amethyst, Nana Pearl, Gemma Garnet…”

“I still can’t believe she picked that nickname,” Steven sniggered.

“And, Sadie, Lars and Sour Cream have all offered to babysit too. So if you can stop worrying, and want to go rest for a while, I’ve got backup. It’s not all on you, or me, just know that we have people who we can depend on. And as for worrying about missing stuff, we can take pictures, you’ll see almost everything, even if you can’t be here for it. We’re a long way off from missing first word territory. First real smile and laugh are probably at least a month away.”

“So what you’re saying is, ‘trust me, we got this’?”

“Well that, and get some sleep. Anything else bothering you?” She took his head in both her hands and batted her eyes at him, a coy smile on her face. He tried to keep a neutral expression but once she raised her eyebrows repeatedly his composure broke.

“Ok, nightmares have been getting the better of me again.”

“You need a new therapist.” She gave his face a gentle squish and moved her hands to wrap around his neck.

“Tell me about it. She moved to Jersey, who retires in Jersey?”

“Aren’t people who retire supposed to go closer to the equator? Where its warmer?” she joked.

“I need a referral, the guy who has her office now does not understand men who aren’t very sexual. Or the gender stuff about how gems mostly refer to themselves as she and since I don’t usually, it bothers me when I’m misgendered.” He dragged his hands down his face. “I hate dealing with insurance stuff. It feels so tedious and frustrating.”

“So here’s what we’re gonna do. It’s time for you to go back to bed. I’ll stay up to pump. Then I’ll send out some emails to see who’s available to babysit what days this week. I’ll make arrangements, so on one of those days, you can see your doctor and get the referral. And if you want me to sit on hold with your insurance so you can get other things done, I will.”

“You’re the best,” he sang. Then more quickly he said “I don’t deserve you.”

“None of that talk, Biscuit.” She patted his face as she spoke.” You’ll feel better once you sleep. Peanut is all mine until after I call your doctor, that won’t be until after 8:30. So get some rest.”

“You’re the boss,” he replied. He gave her a tender kiss and unfolded his legs to stand. Unsteadily, he pulled himself to his feet. After gaining his bearings, he turned and offered his hand to his wife. She grasped it and tugged herself up, wincing.

“Ow, leg cramp.”

“I can fix that,” he said, scooping her into his arms, pulling her Pajamas up and kissing her calves. She squirmed and giggled as he carried her into the bedroom. “I can’t sleep unless you’re happy, so let me make you happy!”

“That wasn’t the deal!” she gasped, half irritated, half chuckling. “Go to bed!”

[vancila]

Laying on hard surfaces is actually good for the back, just not too long, half and half w/ kasia and bailey and dagon and jame?

still hurts. need someone to crack me like a glowstick

1) Who rocks the Ferris Wheel seat and who flips out and begs them to stop?

Bailey ain’t scare of no things but might be just bastardous enough to rock it just a little. Stops as soon as told to, though

2) Who is always horny and will have sex at any time, at any place and at any time?

Eh, neither, cuddles are fine most of the time

3) Who is more into taking showers/baths together? Who tries to make it relaxing and who tries to make it sexy time?

If Bailey’s washing his hair he does that operation by himself, and otherwise I mean I doubt either minds showering together sometimes not even in a sexy way, nice for Kasia to have their hair washed, maybe shoulders massaged, lean on the boobs and feel the rain on your skin, no one else c

4) Who likes to walk around the house naked and who tells the other to go put some clothes on?

Not naked, Bailey shirtless at most, or then Kasia in just Bailey’s shirt and otherwise nakey. Neither really minds the other being a lil nude?

5) Who sleeps on the couch when they get into a fight?

They don’t really fight in general and arguments are resolved before bedtime so nobody has to go to bed angry.

6) Who takes photos of the other while they sleep?

Both... especially if the other is napping with a cat or a baby next to them

7) Who said “I love you” first? and who ends their arguments in a fight with “Because I love you”?

Bailey blurted it out a bit earlier. Not like they end arguments by yelling that, more just saying it when an argument has cooled down

8) Who likes to wear the others sweatshirts?

Kasia

9) Who wakes the other up in the middle of the night to tell them a cool dream they had? Who has the most nightmares, and who sings them back to sleep after?

I’d think if either would wake up it would be Kasia and they respect Bailey enough not to wake them up. If they have a bad dream they can just poke him a little so he’ll let them cuddle up close.

10) Who is more likely to cheat?

Neither jesus h christ

11) Who makes fun of the other for having a crush on them, and who has to remind them that they are in a relationship?

Kasia just a little >:3c and Bailey is like babe... we’re married... we made this here baby...

12) Who starts a food fight in the kitchen?

Maybe Kasia tossing a little flour Bailey’s way and him retaliating, careful as to not ruin any wigs or clothes though

13) Who initiates duets? and who is the better singer?

Bailey is a great singer, pretty shy about audiences though, but if Kasia starts singing he might join in.

14) Who starts the hand holding? Who grabs the others butt? Who slides their arm around their waist? Who likes to put their fingers in the belt loops?

Either can hold the other’s hand or put their hand around the other’s waist, Kasia has permission to put their hand in Bailey’s back pocket, he tends to tug them closer by the belt loops when getting spicy just as a bit of a reminder that he’s strong. He knows Kasia likes being tossed around a little

15) Who writes the others name on their wrist?

They write their own name on the other’s wrist when doodling on their arm

-------

16) Who is more seductive when they are drunk? and who is louder in bed?

Being a little drunk knocks hesitation off both of them, maybe Jame is a little more forwards, he was after their first hangout. At least the difference is bigger for him. Both are pretty quiet, probably. Relatively quiet.

17) Who is more protective?

Jame is a doctor and while Dagon keeps out of fights the majority of the time, he also sits on computers for 14 hours straight and eats garbage while also working himself out to the point of almost throwing up

18) Who talks to the other while they are sleeping?

Neither really. Just sleep.

19) Who drives and who has the window seat?

Dagon doesn’t mind driving, at least, if he ever goes anywhere...

20) Who falls asleep in the others lap and who carries them to bed?

Jame is not carrying Dagon anywhere. The doc is a light carry for him, though, after a proper neckrub

21) Who cuts the others hair?

Both are plenty used to shaving their heads by themselves.

22) Who is super bad at sexting? and who sends them encouraging messages throughout the day?

Dagon is rusty when it comes to everything relationships, I dunno if Jame fares much better. Jame makes sure Dagon drinks his 8 cups of water a day

23) Who thinks they are not good enough for the others love? and who’s more afraid of loosing the other? Who thinks they keep messing up, only for the other to tell them they don’t need to worry?

They’re both a little clumsy but not that insecure (a little though). I’d feel they both feel pretty secure in the relationship after it’s been established, but encouragement is always nice if feelings aren’t too hard to talk about.

24) Who starts random slow dancing with the other in the kitchen? Who holds the other just above the ground and kisses them?

Jame isn’t the one to really dance nor is Dagon, but sometimes it’s nice to just pick the little guy up and smooch

25) Who says shitty puns and sex jokes just to see the other giggle and blush?

Dagon might say something really crass in his deadpan way to see if it has an effect on Jame

26) Who kissed first?

Some face marking admiration turned into a mutual agreement, though there was a “may I” somewhere in there

27) Who orders take out at two in a morning? and who wakes the other up at three in the morning to go downstairs with them to get a glass of water because it’s too dark?

Dagon is the one ordering some noodles at 2am because that’s when he stopped working and realized he’s starving. Both are big boys who ain’t scare of bogeymen

28) Who writes poems/stories and love songs about the other? Do they sing the songs the write for them?

Neither really

29) Who does some crazy stunt to try and impress the other and who ends up driving them to the emergency room after it backfires?

If anyone’s doing a crazy stunt, it’s someone else from the Vandal or Valac, with Jame cringing and Dagon giving points in his roost

30) Who is embarrassed when they have to wear their glasses and who thinks they look super cute?

I’d say Dagon would need glasses or contacts because he stares at a screen so much and his eyes get tired. Rarely wears them though bc he doesn’t like them but sometimes has to bust them out to keep working

[artsistory]

Fancy Meal (7.9.19)

Earlier this year Luke treated me to my first ever Michelin star meal. He told me, you can pick any restaurant up to 1 michelin star! So we decided to treat ourselves to a fancy meal, up to 1 michelin star here in Paris. We went to a place called Virtus where they have a relatively affordable lunch menu! It was incredible!

Our first course was made up of 3 little bites. One was a crispy puffed rice cracker with carrot or maybe yam (?) puree on it, a stuffed beet, and a leaf with cheese inside?

Wow...I just realized that I’m going to do a terrible job of explaining this food. Thankfully I think the pics mostly speak for themselves.

The next course was a tuna and avocado tartare! I have no idea what all the elements were but my favorite surprise were little balls of green apple!

We then got some gluten free bread that was actually so good! I didn’t take a picture because it just looked like regular bread.. what I should have taken a picture of but didn’t was a huge block of butter they had sitting out! The server would spend their off moments carving perfect little butter cones out of it and reshaping it. It was great.

Our main course was pork with crispy skin and veggies. There were so many different parts to this dish! It was fun to try different combinations. My favorite element was either the cabbage or the little baby eggplant.

Dessert was next! It was so good!! Coconut cream, coffee ice cream, coffee and coconut jell cubes, pistachio ganache, pistachios, lemon jelly. mint leaves, and a crunchy thing on top!

I think Brandi enjoyed her first Michelin star meal!

Our final bite was a little lilikoi fruit jelly!

We left on little pampered clouds! With our bellies full of fine and fancy food we headed back to the Louvre. We were nervous our passes wouldn’t work for a second entry but they totally let us in! Score!

We caught the last of the collection we had missed but basically ran through. I was nursing a pretty bad headache and for some reason it’s hard to look at stuff when your head hurts?

After a couple hours we went home and had an early dinner/very late lunch and I took a migraine nap. Meanwhile Brandi and Luke went on their own adventure...

WHAT UP! Beezle here for her one time guest star appearance on the blog. Wow. How exciting. So Luke and I went on down to the lil ole Arc de Triomphe for some sight seeing. And oh the sights we saw! First was a ginormo tour group of teens that we somehow ended up inside of. Then it was the 284 STAIRS TO THE TOP!

But we made it! Didn’t even need to be carried up the last 2 flights by the rowdy teens! And dang, did it look good up there! You can see the entire ‘etoile’ (that means star) they planned the city on stretching out in every direction from the Triomphe.

Look! We’re tourists!

And then we had to climb all the way back down. ok. BEEZLE OUT.

Wow, thanks Beezle! While Luke and Brandi made their way back home I whipped us up some dinner! We had a lovely evening and that night I got bit by a million mosquitoes.

[pollenallergie]

“I thought you were asleep, asshole.”

A lil Valter imagine inspired by a recent post by @ill-skillsgard and by one of Valter’s previous twitch streams

————————————

It was midday, you awoke to the sound of your boyfriend, Valter, talking to, what you would come to realize was, his camera. It didn’t take long for you to realize that he was streaming. You rolled your eyes in annoyance, knowing that you would have to stay still for the rest of the stream so that no one would realize you were in his bed. You two still hadn’t made things public yet, mostly because you were enjoying your time alone with each other, so you had to hide during the streams. Most of the time you would just hang out in the den area, but today was different. Last night you and some friends had gone out and you drank a little too much, so you ended up sleeping a little longer than expected. Valter contemplated waking you up before starting the stream so that you could go hide out in the den; however he ultimately decided against it and instead just hoped that you wouldn’t wake up during the stream.

However, you’re presence didn’t go unnoticed, as planned. One fan noticed that it looked like someone was in his bed and even took the liberty of pointing that out to the other viewers. Although, Valter quickly shut that down, saying that it was just one of the dogs. However, you highly doubted than anyone actually bought that.

After a few minutes had passed, you heard Valter’s phone ring. You smirked knowing what would happen next; he would pause his game, turn off the mic, and go out into the hallway to take the call, and he did just that. You peeped out from under the blankets to see if he had really left, and grinned once you saw that he had. You slowly crept out of bed, making sure to pull down you pajama shorts which had ridden up while you slept, and snuck over to his desk. You then put on his headphones and turned the mic back on. The chat immediately lit up, mostly with people questioning who you were and why you were in Valter’s apartment. You smiled out of amusement before putting your finger to lips, shushing the chat. Then you typed in the chat, telling the viewers 1) not to tell Valter that you did this, 2) not to comment on your presence at all (as that might make Valter suspicious), and 3) to blow up the chat saying that while Valter was gone, you guys saw a ghost. Next, for good measure, you moved some stuff around so it looked like the ghost had thrown stuff or knocked stuff over (like in Paranormal Activity). You then took the headphones off and gave a thumbs up to the camera before crawling back into bed and pretending to be asleep.

Shortly after, Valter came back in and sat down to resume the stream. Valter, oblivious as ever, didn’t even notice the stuff that you had moved. He then put his headphones back on and checked the chat, which he usually did before he resumed his game. Just like you had asked, his viewers bombarded that chat with panicky messages saying that they had seen a ghost. He laughed it off at first, but then, like the masterminds you knew they could be, they started claiming that the ghost knocked stuff over and threw things. He once again chose not to believe this, that was until he looked around and saw all of his misplaced items. He then chuckled lightly while shaking his head and paused the stream, this time turning off the camera and the mic, and made his way over to you.

“Y/N, Y/N” He whispered with a goofy smile on his face as he attempted to wake you up.

“mhm” You murmured as you gently rolled over only to see him looking down at you while grinning.

“Good morning.”You said innocently as you smiled up at him.

“More like good afternoon.”He joked.

“What? What time is it?”You asked, as if you didn’t already know that you had slept in.

“A little passed 1 pm, but that besides the point. Babygirl, did you get up and move some stuff around?”Valter asked, expecting for you to shyly say yes so that he could laugh at your failed prank.

“No, daddy, why do you ask?” You asked as you shook your head sleepily and then faked a yawn.

“You’re not lying to me, are you, princess?”Valter asked.

“No, daddy. Why what happened?” you asked.

“Babygirl, did you hear anything moving around in here earlier?”Valter asked, falling for you sleepy, innocent act.

“Daddy what’s going on? Why are you asking all these questions? You’re making me nervous.”You said innocently, lying right through your teeth.

“Nothing, babygirl, don’t worry, daddy’s just being nosey.”He lied, not wanting you to worry.

“Oh ok.” You said as you sat up, peering over his shoulder to see his twitch set up all ready to go and a chat on his second monitor.

“Valter, were you streaming while I was asleep?”You asked, pretending to be made; no longer using your innocent babygirl voice.

He turned around to look at his set up, realizing that you saw the chat. “Well, uh...”He trailed off nervously.

“While I was right here? What if people found out about us, Valter?”You said, continuing your act.

“They didn’t, I swear. You were covered by the blankets, baby, no one could tell it was you. I told them one of the dogs was napping in my bed.”Valter explained reassuringly.

“With the blankets on?”You asked as you crossed your arms.

“Well it is Sweden, maybe one of the dogs got cold, anyone would believe that.”Valter said.

“Valter it’s been like 10 degrees C all week, that’s not even cold for Sweden. Hell, that’s not even cold for the northern half of the US.” You said.

“Baby, I’m sure they bought it.”He said.

“Yeah right, I’m sure they fell for it.”You responded sarcastically.

“They did.”He said somewhat defensively.

“You really pranked them, didn’t you.”You said, your tone still very sarcastic.

“Uh.. I guess you could say that.”He said, getting confused.

“Just like I pranked you, sucker!”You cheered as you hopped out of bed and did a little celebration dance.

“What?”Valter asked, still obviously confused.

“I pranked you. While you were off talking on the phone I organized this whole thing with the chat.” You explained while continuing to do your happy dance. You looked like a dork, but you didn’t care because for once you had finally successfully pranked Valter.

“I thought you were asleep, asshole.”He laughed as he pulled you into a hug, stopping you from continuing to do your dorky little happy dance.

“Nope. You got pranked, bitch! Happy spooky season!”You cheered.

“That wasn’t even a good prank, you loser.”He joked before placing a kiss on your forehead.

“Hey, give me some credit, I planned that in like five minutes.”You said somewhat defensively.

“You finally got me.”He stated while laughing and holding you close to him.

“Yeah, I did, asshole.”You teased.

“Although, I guess you really just got both of us.”He said while smirking and looking down at you.

“Wait what?”You asked.

“You just revealed our relationship to all of my viewers.”He teased.

“Oh shit, I didn’t even think about that.”You groaned as you buried your head in his chest out of embarrassment.

“Mhm, and now you have to deal with explaining our relationship to the entire internet, so congrats.”He said teasingly while he went back to his desk where his twitch stream set up was.

“Hey, as a part of this relationship, you’re morally obligated to help me with this.”You said.

“It’s my birth month, babygirl, so I’m not morally obligated to do jack shit.”He replied with a smirk and then put on his headphones.

“Now would you care to join me for the rest of the stream?” He asked teasingly.

“Ugh!” You huffed before stomping away and going to the living room. You pouted, knowing that he had won again.

“I’ll be done in an hour!”Valter yelled out to you while laughing at your childish behavior.

In response, you just huffed once more and fell back onto the couch. Opting to watch tv until he finished streaming, rather than to actually join him in the stream.

[soysaucevictim]

Week 3.

-

Mar. 27

I woke up around noon today.

Spent a bit of time on the usual and getting some iced coffee before doing my exercise.

First, today’s DD. 1′ side plank hold with EC (30″30″). Took some focus, but manageable. It was a bit more challenging with slightly sore lats and pecs.

(After spending time to update some logs...)

Second, Day 13 of the SOP. Level 3, no rest, no assist. A fun sequence to focus on balancing work with.

Last, Day 13 of the RbP. Level 3, 1′ rest. I honestly think I probably could have gotten away with nixing the rest periods entirely, this time. But ah well. Definitely had some faves in involving jumping jacks and more balance work on the legs.

After some dishes, I made today’s Hello Fresh Meal. Rainbow Thai noodle toss. I probably should’ve cooled the noodles a bit more thoroughly to have them not stick together as much. It was otherwise just okay. Not quite as glowingly received to put this on reprisal list.

Spent rest of night on the usual stuff. I got to bed obscenely late, again...

-

Mar. 28

I woke up after 1AM and the first thing I did today was my exercise.

First, today’s DD. 2′ jumping jacks with EC. I counted exactly 130 reps by the end. Very dun and manageable work. Though I was tempted to do more jacks or bounces I decided to reserve my energy for other stuff today.

Second, Day 14 of the SOP. Level 3, no rest, no drops. Even if this was an arm day with un/clenching fists - i was able to keep mental count of my sets in current headspace. Otherwise fairly breezy.

Last, Day 14 of the RbP. Level 3, 1′ rest. More arm work. Got pretty intense and had a few lapses in thinking and tried transitioning to the horizontal scissor exercise instead of that frontal arm raise hold. I usually caught myself quickly though.

Spent a good chunk of the day chatting and having movie night again. We watched Little Shop of Horrors & Dodgeball. Martin’s scenery chewing was one of my own highlights from the former movie.

Spent rest of night doing some of the usual and some reading. I got to bed a couple hours earlier than yesterday, still in the red zone.

-

Mar. 29

I woke up around noon.

Was a bit uncertain about some appointments this week, including ability to have today’s therapy appointment via phone. But things got straightened up and had a pleasant phone session.

After a bit of the usual, did some exercise.

First, today’s DD. 30 leg raises with EC. Doable, a bit intense for the neck, needing to hold it up

Second, Day 15 of the SOP. Level 3, no rest. Flexibility/balance-oriented work. Breezy and fun.

Last, Day 15 of the RbP. Level 3, max rest, with allowance to let head drop to floor. Because I just did not have the energy for putting up with excessive neck strain. Regardless, abs really felt that (a bit of quads too)! One thing I liked, despite flirting with strain/fatigue was some fun sensory feedback I was getting here. Kinda making me like leg raises more, tbh.

I decided to bake some shortbread cookies to have with Logan’s jam... and it was so good. (I may consider baking another batch for Roman’s jam, and baking that on top into a glaze of sorts... maybe.)

Spent rest of night on the usual stuff. I got to bed obscenely late again...

-

Mar. 30

I woke up around noon and one of the first things I did today was exercise.

First, today’s DD. 40 balance side lunges with EC (20/20). Just about doable.

Second, Day 16 of the SOP. Level 3, no rest, no assist (only took a seat for the leg raises here given that I wasn’t sure about essentially doing a single-leg squat or wall-sit for those.... might try that next time though!) Pretty manageable, despite having modestly stiff quads.

Last, Day 16 of the RbP. Level 3, max rest. Tendon strengthening day. Took a couple sets to get things warmed up and limber, given the quads situation, but manageable. Tough work, but rewarding!

Hi the showers and made today’s Hello Fresh Meal. Oven-ready cheesy salsa verde chicken. Getting kind of annoyed that prescribed cook-times for the oven-ready chicken dishes being under-estimated. I was already grouchy about needing to cancel tomorrow’s trip reservation (under dubious circumstances) and other shit... (Despite that, food was just okay.)

So I was too angry and tired to avoid taking a nap after that was eaten...

Spent rest of night on usual shit. Got to bed a bit earlier than yesterday, but still in the red.

-

Mar. 31

I woke up around 10AM.

Bro took me to group today. Seeking Safety went alright. Still exhausted about Everything.

Got home, did a lot of the usual and some writing, I did today’s exercise.

First, today’s DD.40 single arm climbers with EC (20/20). This was a tiny bit awkward arm placement throughout. Planted hand position was off-center, so remaining balanced whilst pumping the legs was a bit concerning. Probably could’ve done better form if that was a bit more on lock. Ah well, done at any rate.

Second, Day 17 of the SOP. Level 3, no rest, no drops. Arm work, I kinda like challenging myself with this program like this, I feel like my current level of fitness gets more out of it this way. :Ic

Last, Day 17 of the RbP. Level 3, max rest. Lotta up/down with it being high knees and single leg plank holds. After the first set or two, I’m glad I took time to get my ankle popped right so it wouldn’t hurt to keep up the toe-striking and jumping for the hidden burpees (probably was a tiny bit unstable/subluxed). Feeling good about that!

Spent rest of the day on reading fics and the usual. Got to bed around the same time as yesterday.

-

Apr. 1

I woke up after 1PM.

Spent time reading and whatnot before exercise...

First, today’s DD. 80 [standing] side leg raises with EC (40/40). Happy I manged to do this whilst holding my balance the whole way through it - even if it wasn’t specified.

Second, Day 18 of the SOP. Level 3, no rest. A bit more of a flexibility-oriented day, breezy work.

Last, Day 18 of the RbP. Level 3, max rest. Had to mod-down over half the upward dogs to cobras just to mitigate built up straining (and avoid triggering some ETD). Was also worried about heartburn after some food choices beforehand - but at least that wasn’t an issue and I will consider it a small mercy. Also another workout for every second of rest was met with gratitude.

Spent rest of night reading fics and whatnot. I got to bed a little bit earlier than yesterday, still in the red zone.

-

Apr. 2

I woke up a bit before 1PM, today.

Spent some time filling out some stressful legal shit.

After I took a break on that, the only planned exercise today was the DD. 200 punches with EC. I swapped stances at 100. This was a fun and breezy DD. I appreciated it given how tired I was feeling...

Spent time updating my logs, while watching YouTube after that.

Then a few rounds of dishes around making today’s Hello Fresh Meal. Szechuan beef noodles. This was just okay. I may opt to “cheat“ a little bit by putting a lil bit of sesame oil in the cook water for the ramen noodles. Still haven’t quite nailed executing them without excessive sticking-together. Would be a bit more appealing texture and flavor-dispersion. But it wasn’t bad.

Spent the rest of night getting some writing and writing plan/notes done.

Got to bed a bit later than yesterday.

[xz017]

.

oof. okay so imma do the latest tea???

got out of shower to hear my mum talkin to Agnes spillin the tea abt their friend/coworker

the one with that Kid my mum wanted to have a playdate with or whatever the annoyingly studious and clearskinned halfasian lookin girl i really envied.

her mum has a live in boyfriend who is basically like...an alcoholic mental case rip god i hate alcohol and i hate people who drink it like i only do it so i hate myself more and die but like this guy basically playin with knives n guns in the house and the kid who is like 19 idk why im callin her kid is so Over it like apparently she hasn’t been coming home and like

basically me in 2016 era when my mum was too generous n Helpful lettin ppl back into our lives and our House so i spent christmas morning 5am walkin in the cold n watchin 3 films until it got dark and stuff like that

girl be actin homeless---mood

so it came to a head today so Agnes is spillin the tea n her husband in the bg(omg it weird hearin him rip he was my military hs instructor wild) n my mUM is so selfrighteous n mad like

‘blablahblah well rosalie is being dumb she should put her daughter first she being sick in the head it her Choice’

n im like eavesdroppin havin warflashbacks of the dumb hypocrisy she has DOne lmao

‘has she no thought like what if Tyler gets raped/sexually abused by that man she’d let her daughter be in that environment???’

i mean it wouldnt be fair of me to be like...eyemoji on this cos she technically doesn’t know? but 19 may 2018 never4get lmao

anyway so my mum’s like our room is for rent and it’ll be far cheaper they dont even have to pay rn!!!

cue me being like...um...Money...generosity...i dont...LIke

i was conflicted here like idk i met the girl like 3-5 times im envious of her work ethic n her better asian disposition than mine cos she obviously prettier but she has better prospects and that’d suck if her life be like that

but also??? like...life be like that it was like that to me like who saved me????????????????????? 

um...no one

like why is that on me or US TO BE NICE n helpful im so tired like damn which is relevant to the next point anyway

cos earlier had a convo with my mum i was eyemojing healthcare profs i was like ‘pls stop bein on ye phone pls tell me info on ye opinion on respiratory therapists...what abt PA’

n deadass she be eyemojing me like STICK TO YOUR COURSE

n i was like...-ugly pleadin emoji eyes- n i was tryin to explain that i didn’t want to be so focused on one thing that if i decide this medical thing is what i want to pursue i’d need 1-2 years just for the PREREQS which is like 5 classes and 1000 clinical hours or minimum 6 month healthcare paid job. like if i decide i want to go to school for that i already have the Stuff and just Apply.

n she was like...you had your chance i bothered you to be a nurse a few years ago you were stubborn if you did as i said you’d be earning good money now but you wasted time

n i was like...oof i can’t say anything to that it’s tru. it real life tea it fax i wasted time n im old n im ruunnin out of time i hate myself alot i hate hate hate

and idk we got to talkin abt money n life cos she was like you have to find something you can learn to LOve

n i was like??? WHY I GOTTA SETTLE N FOOL MYSELF TO DO SO im super annoyed abt that mindset

cos the thing about a bloody Arts degree is there’s too fuckin many broad possibilities n they all aint even that good. like deadass if i was a STEM major ugh like if i was a Bio major prospects are so clear: forensics, research, premed,labtech. Meanwhile polsci for example: uhhh teacher? prelaw? politician? uhhh government work? n there’s like 111 different subdivisions of that n it’s like??? wat the fuck

deadass what am i gonna do with international security is that even gonna pay well like...the fuck do i know is it relevant ??? Doubts

n she was all like...PEOPLE JUST GOTTA DO WHAT THEY HAVE TO TO SURVIVE YOU GOTTA FIND YOURS N STICK WITH IT

n i was lowkey panique n frustrated cos i really REALLY hate being stuck in 1 ting n im like i HAD ACTING YOU SAID NO

n she was like pFF i wanted you to have something REAL cos if you dont make it in acting you’d be on the STREETS

n i was like...lmao lil did she know imma be on the streets next year smh this year actually

n she was like talkin abt the harsh reality of the workforce and how you gotta make do at how ppl treat you (patients) n how you might not even like your coworkers but you gotta deal with it because that’s what ppl do to survive

n she was talkin abt undeserving patients with no healthcare n i was like did you just hear yourself so you want them to die cos they dont got money and she was like 

no??? why get hooked up in the ICU when you’re braindead wasting government money taxes we payed for you don’t understand cos you dont have a job and dont get your salary cut cos of taxes and these people come in acting like they got something to give when they yell at your face acting like they know what they’re talking about they act entitled when they have nothing homeless ppl getting money and illegal immigrants are selfish bringing their kids to be hurt here

n im like...theyre life is ...shitty what are you talkin about n she was like so? why dont they stay and make it better??? one of my very first patients asked me why i was in america and i said i come from a poor country and they said why didn’t you stay and try to make it better? and i couldn’t say anything cos u know what they were right why dont illegal immigrants do that??? n im like...

cos theyre literally...RUNNIN and they want ppl they care abt i.e. children to be far away from that as soon as possible bruh ye think imma wait for change deadass there a reason why we suffer duterte he actually get shit done??? we dont have to wait for change the same way ppl who speak nice n are polite do but is stuck with bureaucracy and lowkey bein corrupt deadass stay in ye lane

n she’s like well i hope you’re right im done bein an idealist im a realist now i believed in good i wanted to help the world now no more

n im like...no you’re not a realist, you’ve just been hangin out with a republican

and she gave me a sideeye 

but deadass im ...scared like i really hate the empathy because when she was being serious n talkin n being honest abt things for once i started to unwillingly see things from her point of view i really felt it n i was scared i’ll be like that im scared she’s right

im scared i’ll end up Real n selfish like...i already am ? n bitter? like i care about so very few Personally and am willin to let others suffer to keep it safe n prioritised?

im scared.

like especially with racism all these years my mum’s been telling me it’s not that im racist just wait til you work with them they act so entitles and loud and make everything about race

n i almost told Her abt it earlier i skyped w her earlier we had a tea spillin moment about our ethnic relations bein racist but then idk we talked alot i guess the text got buried or unseen

like i said i was scared n didn’t get to unpack it like im scared because ive been livin with my roomate and like...ive been excusing it as a personality thing and that if it were anyone else different skin colour id still hate them just the same which i still maintain is true but like?

my RM is loud n she makes everything abt race like deadass me n my FM be just eating dinner and she passes by us and goes on a rant about harvard asians being a Blok to black ppl from getting There n im like...im tryna have dinner so i can get energy to deal with this stressful ass school

n she always talks like she knows what she’s talking about like ‘jewish ppl control the federal bank’ n im like...it 1am in the dark quiet of our shared room deadass i dont wanna tell the binch thats antisemitism cos she gonna be like im black how can i be racist smh

im!!! scared alright like i hate my roomate for proving my mum right when i try so hard to set things right like maybe that’s why i dont tell anyone about my situation other than Her. i never told my parents about the berkeley livin situation they already warn me enough to be careful n i just keep tellin them thats racist

i have so much........THOUGHTS n........DILEMMAS...n FEARS but like i just have this blog i cant trust anyone else to talk abt it n the only person i am willing to talk to abt it will be busy and im so ashamed abt these things but she was so sweet about givin me the heads up about her schedule 

like i hated that i had to get an ugly ass haircut today cos she came back to me n we couldve talked so i guess rip she was complacent n did stuff cos she replied late from then on like that dumbass haircut was 15 minutes ugh. our talkin pattern today was like...dashed lines timereply wise? i asked her if she packed earlier (pre haircut)n she said yes but rip a few hours later she was like...I need to pack 

wat is the truth rip

the tablet bein emo like...mood but my child rip.

my love be packin n spendin time with fam before leavin for london tomorrow

n even after that she doin...Stuff. rip.

which is ye know good for her rip.

i just hope she dont go iceskatin deadass one slip n she can crack her head open or break her neck or paralyse her spine like...??? why do humans wanna do dumb activities

like omg she admitted to me today she a serial jaywalker and WORSE with music n headphones like

binch thats why i didnt wanna enable you further by gettin ye airpods deadass bye

n she was like??? tryna equate it with my risky risk like ummm

mine is for science n validity

hers is just carelessness n chosin lazy convenience over idk...the responsibility of self vigilance like...

bruh ppl shouldnt promise someone 91 years if they be continuin to do dumb stuff consciously oof rip

but other than that like...im...really proud of this resolution she be undertakin officially on the 14th?

im nervous abt it cos i really want it for her too. i want her to get the proper sleep n i always hated her givin excuses like ‘IM FINE ON 4 HOURS OF SLEEP’ ‘I NAPPED 3 HOURS 38293820 HOURS AGO IM FINE I MADE UP FOR IT’ um...blokt. get proper sleep binch i love you tf???

prioritise work cos ye gonna regret not givin it yer all??? n ye payin for this???

what fun??? we capitalists now we want that money rip.

i see that shift you know rip i saw it comin a year ago.

that dont mean we republicans rip we still care about others n the inequality? but like i foresaw us getting acquainted with the harsh reality of the world n how difficult it is to get a job--which she experienced along the way.

n rip she wants many things bookmarkin them n honestly same rip

i want a stable warm home for this family n a shiny diamond to get disassociated by extra im a simple man

meanin im selfish n im ready to prioritise meanin im ready to make the choice for others to fall apart/behind if it means puttin This first rip

god pls dont make me a republican this so ugly

# 1 she’d hate me #2 i’d hate me

now im sad

im dead.

omg rip earlier too as she said goodbye i told her i loved her and she was like ‘i love you more’

DEADASS I WAS LIKE LMAO!!! girL i dont think you understand im literally Ready to put you and our possible future First like...im not messin around what skitrips with rich ppl what friends my love is potent n extreme n COncentrated like im sorry ik you feel love for me but you cant top This rip she not ready 

like the um ‘partially wanna make my life’s work abt knowin what might hurt n kill ye so i can kill it first or blok it well’ kinda love

the ‘im already savin for at least HALF a first month deposit in an overpriced london in case you wanna settle down wit me Mayhaps n im not touching it for ANYTHING’ kinda love

the ‘im thinking of a winter home in the tropics so you suffer less n im plannin the floorplans already rip just in case’ kinda extraness

but anyways the gall of this cute lovely human rip ‘i love you more’ ummm try Again smh

bruh i love her too much i bet that’s scary for her rip it might be a Burden tbh she so young rip 

meanwhile im old n ready to rot but like...

i wanna be mortal wit ye before i do

but ye know wat lads i saw myself in the mirror today like 5 times OOF. this meatform...keepin me...Humble. 

bitter but like...humble

‘like of course sHe not ready not only is my personality like dis but also...my outward form how could she introduce me as a Spouse’

‘wow i look like that oof it good i remembered i am undeservin of full intense love like in the films n fanfiction they always between attractive ppl after all it only 1/2 it not Equal’

‘wow bruh ye really upset she spendin time n resources elsewhere when you be lookin like That? ye dont have much to offer bro take the L’

oof so that’s the personal tea i can think of?

had a meghan marke talk rip i can’t believe i was right??? i had twin vibes!!! but i was hoping for like a variety situation rip im worried a lil abt the whole birthin Late ting but she can afford the highest care rip it fine she rich.

my love was talkin abt how pretty MM was n i was like rip is she triggerin Her a lil rip worrirooni

rip speakin of babies like she was showin me this smol gummybear n im like same das me heart n she was like :( n i was like it only fits you

n she was like so no children then:(

n i was like!!! rip if it Ours of course that Counts n i was a lil shook like rip she said she didn’t want them Really so i always get guilty when i talk abt the future or realise i mentioned kids or carelessly name drop Hyaline n Benzion like...im dead rn just typin that like what if she read this big shame bro

but ye know what this is already long n she gonna be busy maybe that’s the key. TOo Much puts ppl OFF so ye mayhaps we sneaky ! ?

anyway i was tryin to get her thoughts on it rip but like she was all iDK ASK ME IN 13 Yrs n i was like...

sighemoji + sandemoji + resignedemoji

rip we talked FAaC a lil. cos she Dared!!! to liken me to her brother just cos i showed her my cheap youth boy shoes smh

At first i was super offended n disgusted but then i was like rip eyemoji if ye into that

then she was like ew nO

then i was like um ye already play the ‘daddy u like me young huh’ card

which is like idk is like technically? joking but it’s like that post ye know abt ppl bein ‘whether or not im actually jokin or flirtin depends if you into it’ but also like schrodingers racism like ‘it was a joke bro!!!’ but they actually bigots.

so it DIFFICULT for my brain to Confirm rip like...eyemoji what is the truth

but like??? im rip. willin. rip. to. rip. Try. rip.?

really i am rip. it Her. bruh. im only hopin she dont have a golden shower kink but. trust i...Will follow thru.

nO IM REMEMBERIN THE DOO DOO POST DESPAIR

rip anyway that whole thing reminded me of FAaC origins which was porn n then somehow sHe was like imagine if egggsy was a singer he’d sing like ‘age is just a number’ shit n i SPILLED THE TEA ABOUT A TING IN PT 3 im so weak sand

i miss the gays

i wanna give them justice n happiness but the 2027 excuse is rl nice for my ugly procrastination issues oof but i wish them well

add: rip had another talk with my mum i really wanted her to understand my thought process about wanting to get the prereqs for medtraining done beforehand

n she was like...I UNderstand but Normal people--

n i was like ‘IM NOT NORMAL I DONT KNOW HOW TO CHOOSE I HAVE NO IDENTITY’

n she’s just like SHOOKE n mad n clearly dont understand that im fukt up in the head ‘...IC AN’T BELIEVE YOU!!! iF YOU’RE ABNORMAL YOU WONT GET HIRED N YOU WONT HAVE A NICE JOB’

n im like...well i mean what can i say to that it’s not like it’s not tru rip

Big sand honestly.

it gonna be a long few days imma do my best to leave her alone she needs her time rip i love her so much rip sand

i feel like a dumb ugly dog god fljækadfkøad h8