#i had a LITTLE experience with oot but not beyond the starting area

[devotedlystrangewizard]

i used to think zelda always had brown hair

[anthemxix]

So... how far did Cia go exactly? I haven’t played hw but I’ve read several fics, and she’s always very... extreme.

hi anon! thank you for your ask!

by “extreme,” i’m thinking you mean stories where she’s a psycho who tortures link or forces unwanted sexual advances on him. which makes for fantastic angst! but that characterization of cia has never felt quite authentic to me.

in the game, she has a roomful of his portraits, like a shrine. that’s extreme. she technically starts a war because of him, which is very extreme, but i don’t think that’s about lusting after him, as people often joke. she says some off-putting stuff, and you could infer that she behaves in an inappropriately “seductive” way, but. she doesn’t really. do anything, like fics might imply. she’s creepy and lewd. i’m sure she makes him uncomfortable as hell. but as for what she does, the extremeness in fics is mostly fan extrapolation.

that’s my short answer! but i kinda got carried away while responding to this, and. um. wrote a lengthy character analysis of cia? XD i thought about not including it, but i spent so much time thinking about/writing this that i’ll go ahead and share.

in my opinion, hw does not present a clear picture of cia, and it skews fan interpretation of her.

(putting this under a cut because it got long 😅)

the story the game gives at the start is straightforward. there's a "guardian of time" (whatever that means) who watches over everything but never interferes. she admires the purity of the hero's spirit. she comes to love the heroes, then to want them. she's lonely. she doesn't want to just watch anymore. she wants to experience love.

gradually her desires become something darker. she doesn't only want the companionship, she wants to possess.

ganon sees this darkness in her heart and causes a split. the darkness separates from her, becomes its own person (a la dark link). the "good" part is lana, the "bad" part is cia.

for ganon, this is all part of a larger plan. in hw, his spirit is divided into four fragments that have been sealed away in different eras. he manipulates cia and gets her to open time gates so he can gather all the fragments together. a key fact: one of the fragments has been sealed away by the master sword, so ganon needs a hero to draw the sword.

cia willingly allows herself to be ganon's pawn because in so doing, in starting a war to force the hero to emerge, she thinks she'll get what she wants. throughout the story, she gives more and more of herself to ganon, fracturing her own spirit further and further, because she is so desperate to claim the hero for herself, to own him. lana repeatedly warns her to stop before she does irreparable damage to herself, but she doesn't listen, and ultimately she...well, dies, i guess. fades from existence. (that's how the original hw ending goes. they added stuff on later that changed this.)

ok, so. we have some interesting stuff going on here. arguably, cia is a tragic figure. a victim even. her underlying motivation is loneliness. viewing it through this lens, the story becomes an exploration of what isolation does to a person. how desperate it can make us. how we become willing to sacrifice anything for love--and i mean "love" broadly, not in a romantic sense. how it makes us vulnerable to manipulation and abuse.

let's also not forget the whole reason she focuses on the hero's spirit to begin with. after witnessing all the atrocities of history, she admires the purity and goodness and self-sacrifice of the hero. it has nothing to do with link being attractive. in her temple (the temple of souls), she has statues of different heroes from different eras, including wolf link and oot/mm link. she is certainly not lusting after an animal or a child, i assure you.

so why does she have frickin portraits of hw link, specifically, (not any other hero's spirit incarnations) plastered all over her walls, if not for lusty purposes? why does she dress so damn seductively? i'm not claiming lust isn't part of it, but i think there's more. she wants to feel surrounded by him, you know? she wants to feel like he's looking at her the same way that she looks at him--with desire. it's delusion.

and holy hell, she's nothing if not deluded. some examples of her actual in-game dialogue: "no matter what betrayals I may suffer, at least I know the hero will always love and protect me." and [to herself, as she's losing a fight] "the hero is still by my side... the hero is still by my side..."

and it's sad. she pretends that he loves her, that he will protect her, because she doesn't have any real love in her life. she doesn't have anyone.

and what's even sadder is that she's condemned to all these feelings and delusions because that's who she is. she is corruption and darkness personified! she's doomed to this lonely hell, to being ganon's servant, to self-destruction.

that's how tragedy, and tragic figures, are defined: hubris. characters that have an innate flaw that inevitably leads to their downfall. that's what a traditional tragedy is.

don't get me wrong here. i'm not saying she had no choice, or that she had to start a war. she can be tragic and we can sympathize with her while also accepting the fact that she's corrupted beyond redemption. morality isn't black-and-white. our understanding of characters, or of real people, isn't black-and-white.

...but. BUT. there is a major "but" here. the game sabotages its own character and its own story. the game opts for the path of least resistance. screw grey areas of morality, screw the tragedy of loneliness, screw exploring vulnerability and abuse and hubris... they sensationalize. cia is a joke.

have you seen her frickin outfit? her character design? she's an uber-sexualized caricature. all those portraits of link in her temple can easily be viewed as a joke, too. "lol, look at this crazy, horny bitch." hell, they even have her say innuendos about the master sword, like, “come show me what your sword can do” or something to that effect. 🙄

it's all very surface level. they don't go deep at all with cia. they give us no substance, only these little bread crumbs of information that i've laid out for you. and not only that, they set this up so that it feeds into old stereotypes. the salient details easily allow us to interpret cia, consciously or not, as an embodiment of feminine hysteria, a woman guided by irrational emotion and obsession, fixated on winning the ultimate prize of a man's love.

so koei tecmo's own confused presentation of this character muddles up fan interpretation and has us falling back on the familiar stereotypes we know and understand. that’s the basis for these depictions of cia as extreme. that’s what fans are extrapolating from when they try to imagine how she might act or what she might say. so in the end, she isn’t really depicted with accuracy. she’s like a caricature of a caricature at that point.

…or at least, that’s my opinion. 🥴

[numbjaw]

Plenty Good Enough

No amount of experience changed the following: attacks would always happen, and they would always happen fast.

It was an expectation that had embedded within the nerves of every pro-Hero from the moment they entered a university, to the day they earned their license, and then every numbered day after that. But despite this instinct, even the best ranking pro-Heroes could be caught off-guard; Quirk or Quirkless, humanity was all the same - flawed and fragile.

Even before losing One For All, Yagi had gradually been coming to terms with this fragility, which only seemed to worsen in the aftermath of his final brawl with All For One. The pain in his chest had graduated from a dull ache to more of a constant sharpness whenever he moved. His arms, once capable of carrying eleven people from smoking wreckage, could hardly summon enough strength to carry groceries. His fingers, once balled tightly into fists that terrified even the worst of foes, were lately too weak to open a jar. Most days, Yagi really only felt comfortable sitting or lying down, but he’d never admit it, even to himself...

Shouta knew, though. He’d noticed Yagi’s persistent tiredness, which was enough to (almost) rival his own. He saw the evidence in the form of dropped paperwork in the hallways and a curious receipt left on Yagi’s desk for an automatic can opener. But most of all, he noticed it in Yagi’s eyes; though they had been sunken in from the day Shouta saw his true form, the once electric-blue light within them had dimmed in a way that resonated beyond all of the physical clues. Toshinori Yagi, the man who believed in always smiling, was deeply troubled.

Yagi picked up on Shouta’s concern over him pretty easily. Ordinarily, he would have shrugged it off, but lately, he was finding it harder and harder to deny Shouta’s gestures, which ranged from holding the door open for him to accompanying him to the store - though, it wasn’t because of his growing weakness.

Yagi wasn’t sure when he had fallen for Shouta. Much like his illness, it had developed gradually over time. All he knew was Shouta somehow made his chest hurt in a way that wasn’t bad.

An autumn sunset was bathing the Kamino ward in lilac hues as the nightlife of the city began to stir. Yagi had been invited to see the statue that had been unveiled of him - of who he used to be, anyway - and Shouta, without being asked, had tagged along for the trip.

“What did you think?” Shouta asked, after the ceremony was over, and after Yagi was quiet for too long.

“Oh, I think it’s amazing…” Yagi started, “I can’t believe how fast they rebuilt this place…”

“I meant your statue,” Shouta corrected, causing Yagi to still, “What did you think of it?”

“Oh… it’s…” Yagi scratched the back of his head, fighting for the right response, “It’s very humbling, and I’m most appreciative!”

Shouta looked as though he wanted to roll his eyes, but refrained. For whatever reason, Yagi challenged him.

“What?”

“I’m not the media, y’know,” Shouta mumbled, tucking his hands into his pockets, his face partially hidden by his ever-present capture weapon wrapped around his shoulders, “You don’t have to give me such a generic response - you can be honest.”

“I am being honest!” Yagi said, far too defensively, “I do appreciate it…”

“But…?”

“It’s just,” Yagi sighed and looked down at Shouta’s boots, “Not many heroes have a statue made of the exact moment they stopped being a hero… it’s a bittersweet feeling. I mean, I’m not ungrateful or anything, I just - ”

“You don’t need to justify yourself to me, Toshinori,” Shouta said, “I understand.”

Yagi took as big of a breath as his remaining lung would allow as he followed Shouta down an alleyway to a side street, opting for a potentially quieter route from any would-be fans still lingering on the main boulevard. Yagi smirked; Eraserhead was a master of avoidance.

Shouta knew Yagi was struggling a lot more than he was letting on, a stubbornness that had well-preceded his retirement. Would he ever drop the facade and just admit he needed help? Flashbacks of All Might deteriorating on live television mere blocks from where they were walking flashed in Shouta's mind. He froze.

"Yagi," Shouta said suddenly, "You may have retired, but that doesn't really mean you 'stopped being a hero'.”

Yagi watched as Shouta looked over his shoulder towards him, momentarily stunned by his words. Yagi supposed he shouldn't have been too surprised - this was Aizawa he was dealing with after all, yet…

"That's… kind of you, but I don't think you do understand. I can barely hold a textbook. If anything were to happen to the students, or just an ordinary citizen walking down the street, I'm completely useless,” said Yagi, “How can I still be a hero if I can’t do anything?"

"Idiot," Shouta glared, as if he were about to use his Erasure, but instead, he pointed to Yagi’s chest, “It’s still here. Continuing to teach, continuing to guide Midoriya, the effort you put in just to get out of bed every day… it might not be your idea of what a ‘hero’ is, All Might, but it’s plenty good enough.”

Yagi could only watch as Shouta’s finger pressed gently into his chest, before retreating back to his pocket. Shouta turned and continued on, and Yagi was unsure if Shouta was aware of the impact of his words. Yagi slowly reached towards his chest, finding the spot over his heart that Shouta had touched. He smiled to himself, then followed after the fellow teacher, taking in the cool air, the comforting hum of cars driving nearby, and in the distance, a lone dog barking.

Yagi watched Shouta’s form, hunched over and broody, his dark hair blowing with the breeze. A familiar pain radiated in his chest, not from his lung, but from the moment. This small little moment with Shouta that he never wanted to end... He’d become so entranced, that he missed the second Shouta’s capture weapon sprang to life.

“Get down!” Shouta shouted, the rushing noise of his binds zipping past Yagi’s frame towards an enemy that had jumped down right behind him.

Yagi dove towards the street, only hearing the sound of running footsteps - Aizawa’s - and the grunt of whoever was on the end of his binds. But before Yagi could look, the sound of a gunshot pierced through the once-calm side street. Yagi’s heart went into a free-fall as he saw the gun sticking out from the binds, still smoking. The crazed man holding it was smiling wildly at Aizawa, who kicked the gun out of his grasp and slammed his head into the nearby wall. The man slumped immediately, his grin still ghosting his face.

“Yagi, call the police,” Shouta instructed, still with a white-knuckled grip on his weapon.

‘He doesn’t seem injured,’ Yagi thought, part of him still shaking with adrenaline as he reached for his cell phone, ‘What a relief…’

Shouta continued to look down at the assailant that had just attempted to murder Yagi. He was Quirkless, but a villain none-the-less. His gaze traveled to the pistol, which he reached to pick up - it was only then that the pain hit. Shouta felt his left arm weaken with the realization. Next, his fingers stopped cooperating and the binds fell from his hand, slumping onto the ground between him and the attacker.

A warm sensation, accompanied by a hot knife-like pain twisted at his side. He clutched the area with his free hand, his skin immediately met with the tell-tale warmth of blood. His breath caught and he looked to Yagi, who was faced away, attempting to describe their location to emergency services.

“Tell them to bring an ambulance,” Shouta called to him, but Yagi didn’t seem to hear him.

“Tell them…” Shouta tried again, realizing that his voice was just above a whisper, “Ambulance…”

Yagi was scratching his head as he squinted at the sign on the backdoor of one of the buildings - some kind of a clothing store.

“We’re behind… Dirt-Cheap Donki-Oote…” Yagi explained.

“Who is the Pro you are with, Mr. Toshinori?” asked the dispatcher.

“Shou - Eraserhead,” Yagi answered, smirking a little as he turned to Aizawa, who… was on the ground.

Yagi froze, only for a second, before dashing to Shouta’s side. In the glow of the streetlight, he could see blood was quickly pooling around Shouta’s torso; it completely covered his hand, which was feebly attempting to clutch the wound, his other hand still gripping the weapon wrapped around the shooter.

“Send paramedics - my friend’s been shot!” Yagi yelled to the dispatcher, who had been questioning his silence.

“Where has your friend been shot?”

Yagi reached towards Shouta’s hand, trying to ignore how much his own was trembling. “I don’t know, h-he’s wearing all black… lower stomach, maybe…? Torso. Lower left side… Shouta, where were you hit?”

“Here…” Shouta said, cringing as he pressed on the spot in his side, the blood-soaked clothing sticking slightly to his fingers.

“Is he bleeding?”

“Y-Yes, a lot…” Yagi said, making the mistake of locking eyes with Aizawa, who had a look on his face Yagi had never seen on him before, but had seen on the faces of countless people before - people who knew they were in grave danger.

The dispatcher’s tone rose in seriousness. “You need to apply pressure - “

“I know, I need to put down the phone, please - just hurry!”

“Sir, wait - ”

The phone was set aside, just a few inches from the gun.

Yagi gently nudged Shouta’s hand away, then placed his own hands over the space on Shouta’s side.

“Here?” He asked, to which Shouta nodded.

Yagi swallowed hard, then pressed down as hard as he could. Shouta grunted and closed his eyes tightly while Yagi tried not to react to the sight of the blood bubbling up between his fingers; he hadn’t seen a sight like this since the USJ incident, which had also involved Shouta and a lot of blood.

Back then, he had been able to save him.

But now...

Only two minutes passed before Yagi’s arms began to strain. Still, he kept the pressure on, keeping a careful eye on Shouta, the dazed attacker, and the gun between them. He swallowed hard when he noticed the capture weapon was starting to slack. Shouta’s grip was slipping.

“Shouta, hey…” Yagi tried, “Help is on the way. Just hold on.”

Shouta mumbled some kind of acknowledgement, and after the fourth minute, every nerve in Yagi’s fingers were on fire. Still, he kept the pressure on, listening for anything that remotely resembled a siren approaching, but the quiet ambiance still remained; the far away dog kept barking.

Yagi glanced at his phone, which was still on the call with the dispatcher. He thought about picking it back up, or trying to put it on speaker mode, but before he could even consider how to do so without letting go of Shouta, he saw the capture weapon crumple in his peripheral vision. Shouta had let go, and much to Yagi’s terror, Shouta’s face was now as white as a sheet.

“Shouta, talk to me…” Yagi said shakily, looking between him and the attacker, who still seemed to be unconscious. No longer held by Shouta, Yagi could only hope that the bastard stayed knocked out or the police would arrive soon. Yagi would wonder about who he was and why he had tried to kill him later...

Shouta opened his eyes, studying Yagi closely. “You… talk to me instead.”

‘What am I supposed to say…?’ was Yagi’s first thought, before a lifetime of instinct rushed back to him.

“You’ll be fine,” Yagi said, but the words came out stilted at first.

Shouta somehow managed to smirk a little. “I think you should try that line again…”

“You’re going to be just fine,” Yagi said once more, “Because I am here...”

It wasn’t as boisterous as Shouta had heard him say it so many millions times before, but it was just as sincere. Shouta felt Yagi’s renewed spirit tighten the pressure on his side; there was no doubt holding his wound was taking a profound toll on Yagi, yet here he was, holding on anyways, with everything he had. Yet, Shouta was drifting. He couldn’t feel his capture weapon or the street beneath his back anymore. He couldn’t feel his fingers or legs. All he could feel was Yagi’s hands.

‘I can’t die…’ Shouta thought suddenly, ‘I can’t let him think he failed…’

Yagi could feel the urge to cough clawing up his throat as his hands trembled. Eight minutes, now.

“Just a little longer, okay?” Yagi said, looking carefully at Shouta, who had closed his eyes again. Suddenly, the feeling of a hand brushing against his. Shouta’s.

“Not…” Shouta rasped, as a thin line of blood began to trickle from the corner of his mouth, “Not… your fault…”

Everything within Yagi came to halt. “W-What…? What’s not my fault?”

Shouta’s hand came to rest over Yagi’s. “...if I don’t make it.”

Those five words, uttered by Shouta Aizawa, were worse than any punch, kick, or bite than Yagi had ever received in his life.

Nine minutes.

“You’re going to make it,” Yagi argued.

‘You have to make it. The world needs you. UA needs you. Class 1-A needs you. Midoriya needs you. I need you.’

Through the white-hot pain flaring from the tips of his fingers to the ends of his shoulders, Yagi felt Shouta still.

“Shouta?” Yagi asked, his voice cracking.

Ten minutes had passed and Shouta stopped moving, even as the sound of sirens finally emerged in the distance, echoing indiscernibly between the tall buildings of Kamino. He didn’t move, even as Yagi continued to call out his name. He didn’t move, even as the criminal beside them began to stir.

Yagi looked quickly from Shouta to the man, the bundles of Shouta’s weapon in a heap around his lap. He watched as the man opened his eyes, taking in the realization of Yagi and Shouta, and then the gun just within his reach. The sickly smile he’d had before returned to his face.

Eleven minutes.

“How can I still be a hero if I can’t do anything?"

“It’s still here... it’s plenty good enough.”

As red and blue lights flashed over the surrounding buildings, Yagi forced his left hand down and snatched Shouta’s capture weapon with his right, yanking it back as the man leapt for the gun. The binds hissed as they instantly constricted the man, stopping him just inches from reaching the pistol. Yagi kicked his leg out, sending the gun spinning away from them towards the oncoming convoy of police and ambulances.

The very next thing Yagi knew, he was in a hospital bed...

No amount of experience changed the following: a Hero was bound to wake up in a hospital bed, definitely more than once.

Yagi noticed the IV in his arm first, then the familiar feeling of a paper-thin hospital gown fitted awkwardly over his frame, before the memory of Shouta sprang him forward. Heart pounding, he looked around, his sight catching on a curtain that was pulled between his bed and the next one over.

‘Please…’ He thought, reaching out to grip the edge of the curtain and pulling it back.

The sunlight streaming through the window blinded him at first, delaying the sight of the familiar disheveled UA teacher resting right beside him.

The sound of the curtain being drawn back so rapidly stirred Shouta from whatever morphine-induced daydream he was in. He wasn’t surprised to see Toshinori staring back at him as if he were a ghost, his panic reflected in the sudden erratic beeping of the EKG attached to him.

He supposed Yagi’s concern wasn’t too far-fetched; apparently he had been clinically dead, but only for a few seconds during the ambulance ride. A bit of hemostatic, blood transfusion, and the removal of the bullet - which thankfully hadn’t been a hollow-point - and Shouta had woken up around 4:30 in the morning, just as he always did, briefly wondering if he could make it to class in time. Once he noticed Yagi was in the bed beside him, however, he texted Hizashi about the situation. Class 1-A would have to wait.

Unsurprisingly, Naomasa arrived only a few hours later, having already collected the preliminary details on their attacker: a man named Fuyuto, whom, as Aizawa had figured, was Quirkless and had a criminal history. His exact motive for targeting Yagi wasn’t yet known, but Naomasa was already suspecting the possibility of a link between Fuyuto and the League of Villains. Shouta was too rational to make any assumptions this soon, especially concerning the League; for all they knew, Fuyuto was merely ill and the attack was completely random.

“What happened to Toshinori?” Shouta asked Naomasa.

“No major injuries,” Naomasa assured, “He exhausted himself, is all. When first responders arrived, they found him holding onto you, and using your scarf to hold Fuyuto down, and while doing all that, he’d managed to kick the gun out of reach, too. As soon as they cleared him to let go of you, he collapsed.”

Shouta looked off in the corner of the room, suddenly remembering the last words he had said to Yagi. For whatever reason, Shouta tensed up with guilt. ‘It’s not your fault if I don’t make it…?’ Ugh. Just how much blood had he lost? Yagi would’ve blamed himself, regardless of anything he said. He should have said something else. Something that he had been trying to say wordlessly for years, in the form of opening doors, bringing him coffee, and joining him for the absolute media Hell that was a statue unveiling.

Come to think of it, after all this, the Kamino ward had certainly seen the last of them - willingly, anyway - for a long time...

A phone call had beckoned Naomasa out of the room and a nurse came in right after, closing the curtain between the beds as she checked on Shouta’s dressings. After she was done, she neglected to place the curtain back when leaving, and it was a little after noon when it suddenly snapped back, revealing Yagi had woken up.

And here they were...

“Shouta,” Yagi breathed, “You’re okay… I… I’m so glad you’re alright!”

“Take it easy,” Shouta warned sternly, “You did a number on yourself.”

“Oh, r-right…” Yagi said, gazing down at the space between them as he sat back on his bed, somewhat resembling a drooping sunflower. It made Shouta’s heart squeeze.

Yagi continued to look at the floor, even when he saw Shouta’s bare feet step into view. He looked up to see Shouta standing before him, staring down at him intently. He was… really close, Yagi realized, much closer than he’d ever been to him before, or anyone for that matter. He couldn’t commit much more thought into it as Shouta had now taken his hands in his own. Yagi felt a familiar pang in his chest as Shouta’s thumbs slowly stroked the tops of his hands.

“Sho…” Yagi started, just as Shouta leaned in and kissed his forehead.

Yagi stilled, only able to look forward at the dipping collar of Shouta’s hospital gown, revealing his normally-elusive neck and upper chest.

Shouta figured his gesture might make Yagi cough up blood, just not all over him. But before Yagi could start sputtering apologies over it, Shouta squeezed his hands gently.

“Don’t worry about it,” Shouta assured him, “You were covered in plenty of my blood last night. Let’s just... call it even, I guess.”

Yagi grinned, then looked down again. “I love you...” 

Yagi wasn’t sure why he said it. Much less so suddenly. The words just escaped him, like a caged bird. He looked back up to Shouta again, ready to bury the words under a slew of platonic phrases, but Shouta kissed him before he could even try.

This was a prompt sent to me by @jsml-universe: Erasermight prompt: shouta gets hit by a bullet while protecting toshinori who no longer has ofa and yagi must unfortunately apply pressure to aizawa to stop him from bleeding out. Help is on the way.  It's a painfully long 11 minutes

Thank you for the prompt! This was my first attempt at erasermight - I hope you liked!

[spiritmaiden23]

CHARACTER SHEET FOR ZELDA!! 

This is a headcanon sheet that will go deep into the depths of Sky Zel, namely for fantasy verse because I do have another post to dissect Zel’s character as a whole coming up! Fantasy verse I feel needs more info than what I have for her character sheet this way more people can understand her and hopefully play around in that verse because hunny witch zel is an excellent concept I refuse to go to waste. I’d love to rp with more people in this verse because it’s refreshing as well. Anyhow! Bear was kind enough to provide the sheet and now here I am taking advantage of it! Be warned fellas, it’s gonna be a long. Like very long, this took like an hour or two to complete. With all dat juicy details. Feel free to copy and paste this if you want, it’s good for main characters or OCs. But it is long as hell! Let’s jump into it! 

Character’s Name: Zelda Lockewood  Character’s nicknames: Zel, Zellie, Zeldy, witch of the woods, Hylia’s apprentice Gender: Female  Righty or Lefty: Righty  Age: 19-20  Height: 5′3 around 161 cm  Weight: 104 lbs  Eye Color: Light blue, similar to the skies. They twinkle with mischief intent yet benevolence is within her gaze. Hair color: Golden blonde, often tied with ribbons and in a very low ponytail  Distinguishing marks: She has a scar on her chest below the collarbone and at the end of her ribcage where the scar has a slight turn to it towards the left, right above her heart. After a summoning spell gone wrong, she was stabbed there by the creature, thankfully miss OP Hylia was there to save her from dying.  Describe physical traits in one passage: Whew, ok I sound like a broken record but here we go. She often has red cheeks that tend to grow redder when angry or embarrassed or shy or when she has the dokis. Very long ears that also can grow red towards the tips, as such people have mistaken her for an elf which is why she wears the witch’s hat in the first place. She likes to tie her hair in a low ponytail in order to work without it getting in the way but out of her hair is super long to the waist. She has blunt bangs or hime cut as I like to call it! And is petite but don’t let that fool you, she does have monster strength much like main verse.  FAMILY/ RELIGION  Parents: Hylia is her biological mother within this verse, she’s unaware of the fact and believes her mother to be dead. She lives with her adoptive father, Gaepora.  Siblings: An only child  Significant Other: None thus far! But I’m open to shipping here ;v;  Children: Again, none but it’s something she’d want in the future!  Other relatives: Gaepora keeps his family at an arms length, though jolly and wise he tends to be a bit of an introvert at times as such Zelda doesn’t really get to meet with her family too much or get to know them.  Pets: Her familiar, the Loftwing Indigo! Black cats seem to like her as they surround her though! Friends: Tons! But well in case future RPers are interested I can’t really fill it out.  Enemies: Sorceresses are typical enemies to a witch, she tends to avoid other witches too due to their cold-hearted nature.  Relationships (other): It’s tough to put Wylan in a category so this might be best. Though he is an annoyance and she finds him a bit of a troll slowly she’s starting to get to know him bit by bit.  Ethnicity: A witch! With connection to the gods thanks to her mother being the Goddess of Witches who goes by the name Circe to mortal realm and witches, her true name is Hylia though so don’t be confused by this. She comes from a nation called Lanayru, so prehaps Lanayruen if you wanna call her that! Religion: Most witches tend to follow something akin to Wiccan belief, Zelda follows that! Superstitions: When making a potion, she often likes to pray to the Goddess of Witches and sing a small tune while making sad potions as a means to break the silence. She doesn’t look at mirrors in the dark or but two mirrors opposite of each other as it’s believe it could make a portal of sorts for demons and other evil beings, as such she often covers her mirrors and doesn’t look at them too much aside from when she has to get ready. It’s silly, she knows, but it’s trauma from opening the portal when summoning a being far beyond her skill.  Diction, Accent, ETC.: So, she has a light accent that’s typical for those coming from Lanayru. Certain words, you can hear it spilling out. It’s best to describe it as a sing-songy accent where certain vowel sounds are stretched out. She’s learned to shorten the vowels though, trying to fit in with the nation she lives in now! Which is Hyrule a land far more bigger than her humble homelands with advancements in magic and certain technology. They have a more... I wanna say North american accent that can range from Canadian to the typical eastern accent for USA to southern accent from again, USA.  SCHOOL/ WORK / HOME  Education (Highest): Hmm, college equivalent of fantasy world? She was a fast learner and skipped a few grades which is why she graduated so early (it helps being the daughter of the Goddess of Witches too, demi god to be exact haha) she and had a natural affinity for magic, also she was studious as well and often aced tests.  Degrees: Oh damn... well she doesn’t have the title Hylia’s Golden Apprentice for nothing. So let’s consider that a degree, or maybe a degree in magic pft! Vocation/Occupation: A potions seller! Employment History: Let’s explain how she has experience in this! She worked with a brewing master, who owned a shop that was full of wares and while some cursed and forbidden, as well as the owner being sketchy, she learned about how the potions business works while working for him from 14 to 18. Four short years! Nice! Upon moving to Hyrule, she kept her potions making a bit lowkey. Selling her wares in the small town near the lost woods known as Tarrey Town. Under the guise as a merchant, it was soon discovered that she was a witch and while certain residents tend to avoid her due to low reputation of witches as a whole, many are attracted by her refreshingly friendly nature and excellent quality in potions. Rumors begin to spread out and she does tend to travel to the big city, Castle Town, from time to time to sell her wares. Though she’s still learning the ropes, and though her business isn’t really that big, she’s doing not too bad. Salary: Potions aren’t cheap, she’s her own boss as well. So, let’s put it that way. HWEOH  Status and money: Despite how well her business is doing, she’s not exactly rich but she’s not too worried about her money situation either. Resourceful, she tends to save her money by collecting her own ingredients in the Lost Woods, though if she has to she will go out to get the ones she couldn’t find within the forest and while some are expensive, she tends to barging with cheapening the price somewhat.  Own or Rent: OWN! She made her little hut deep within the woods through magic of course, it’s hard to find unless you know how to navigate within the ever changing nature of the Lost Woods. It’s a bit like OOT in that regard, ALTTP with the mysterious fog you can get lost in, and well... I’m also taking small inspiration from Paper Mario 64 with the spooky forest in one level since the Lost Woods here is a bit... well, spooky!  Living Space: It’s a small, humble sized cottage crafted with grey bricks for the chimney and front entrance sticking out with some tudor elements to the building where the house is half-timbered walls! The outside has a white little gate with a plant arch full of roses, and there is a garden full of flowers and herbs, with ivy crawling up the building towards the back of the house along with a weeping willow within her large yard, a lake is nearby and there is a lovely waterfall but beware of the creatures lurking within! The window in the kitchen is the biggest window in the house, almost like a bay window of sorts but you can’t exactly open that window yet there is a another on the lower floor where you can, while her bedroom has a slightly smaller window where they are opened outwards and always opened in the daytime, there is a large window seat, large enough to sleep on it with comforting pink cushion as well as little pillows she’s knitted herself. There are drawers underneath where she stores extra stuff. Now, as for the inside, aside from the kitchen and her bedroom along with the bathroom, it’s a big mess! The small space is cluttered with tons of books and tomes, some on the millions of shelves (along with tons and tons of potion battles) she has and some on the floor with pages scattered throughout the wood flowering. She has plants like wisteria hanging on the walls and several others like witch’s herb among other examples hanging from the celling. There’s a small sitting area with a wooden desk and stool and that’s where she often works with her research. It’s pretty much well lived in and is the result of working too much to notice the mess. It’s two stories, with a small attic being the second floor. Her bedroom is located on the first floor and despite the window seat, she has a nice slightly small queen sized sleigh bed in the center and up against the wall, it looks super comfy, like you can sink into it and well it’s possible! Along with a vanity mirror with brushes for light makeup she wears for special events, and a small bottle filled with flowers, her knitting area with a small basket full of yarn balls and a wooden wardrobe to keep her clothing in. There is a cute rug on the floor to bring the room together. Along with book shelves. It’s a cute yet ery simple style.  Work Space: As described above, it’s a wooden desk within the main hub area of the house. It’s in the corner of the room, near a window as a means to get sunlight and fresh air! Her cauldron is not too far from the desk and once again, she has tons of flowers. There’s always her research papers and books on it, a quill with a feather, annnnd a small candle stand in case she’s working late in the night! Main Mode of Transportation: Either her “broom” which is an enchanted feather from her Loftwing or her Loftwing himself! She thinks it’s silly to ride on a broom and wanted to be more creative! PSYCHOLOGY  Fears: Well when you face near death and actually saw the reaper’s scythe coming at you hot, you tend to not fear much. She doesn’t really like to summon things though due to that accident, so there’s nervousness whenever she absolutely has to. Mirrors there’s a slight fear due to how they can act as portals into the other realm. And losing loved ones, failing to protect them. Perhaps knowing the truth about her birth is also a fear, as she will deny being a demi god let along to the Goddess of Witches. There’s this feeling she has where she knows she’s not an ordinary witch but out of fear she does not investigate too much with a slight hint of curiosity.  Secrets: Much like main verse she can hear the gods and spirits of the realm, something she denies and keeps to herself. While she can do wandless magic, a feat only known to Hylia, it’s a bit hard and her spells tend to go wild so it’s why she likes to stick to tomes as it better handles her powers. Whenever mana blockage happens, she tends to get embarrassed and will only reveal it if she has to.  IQ: VERY HIGH as expected of someone with a lot of wisdom despite her age. That is all for this one... Eating Habits: NOT VERY GOOD!!! She just throws together anything that’s edible enough and eats it, while it doesn’t taste good she’s always in a rush to get back to work because she’s a bit of a workaholic in this verse! Sometimes, she’ll take elixirs to suppress her hunger if she’s working very hard on something like research or recipe hunting, at times she doesn’t always get the potion right so she tends to try again and again until she does. Neglecting her need to eat. Pretty much, it’s like putting fried rice, egg, and leftovers in a blender and eating that disgusting mess. And though she can cook mainly simple enough dishes, she tends to not do it too much. Someone get this girl some food.  Sleeping Habits: AGAIN NOT VERY GOOD THIS POOR BABY!! When cramming in the night, she gets so focused she tends to stay up until four o’ clock by drinking lots and lots of coffee... and that’s when the sleepiness tends to hit her once that caffeine is all gone, you’ll most likely see her asleep at her desk. Being an early bird though means she won’t get much sleep so ;v; That said when not cramming, she tends to get sleepy once the sun’s down so she does get normal hours of sleep mostly. She loves the morning and always wakes up to the sun greeting her as she tends to leave the curtains open, not at all afraid to do that since like... no one goes deep into Lost Woods aside from Wylan pft.  Book Preferences: She loves reading research and recipe books! It’s always fun for her to learn new things and as such she always has her head buried in a book that discusses tons and tons of research. When not learning and sitting back to relax, she likes tales of adventures and will sometimes read romance novels as well.  Music Preferences: Harp and lyre along with other string instruments! She tends to love folklore as there is a history behind it and she does find that super interesting. Though she can somewhat play the harp/lyre she’s not as talented as say the bard Kina! Groups or Alone: While good enough in a group as she does like teamwork, she’d rather do things on her own. Blame being responsible to a fault for that one alongside slight hero complex for more dangerous things she has to face HJKA! Leader or Follower: Are you kidding? Leader all the freaking way! She has a natural charm about her and is ambitious in a sense, she would make a good leader because she’s wise enough to make good decisions when in a pinch. That said she can be a little bossy when worry wart tendencies pops up and will def assume that you need her help. She’s just trying to be a good friend who believes in you and your potential, don’t mind her. Just... her supportive attitude is pretty strong haha!  Planned Out or Spontaneous: With her carefree nature, you’d think she’d be spontaneous and while she can be at times because adventure is fun, she tends to plan a lot of things out... of course, her plans never work out. But again, she’s resourceful enough to work around the issue she may come across.  Journal Entires (Do they keep one?) YES OF COURSE MY GIRL LOVES TO WRITE!! She actually has a few, four in total. One for researching plants and other things, another to keep track of her inventory, one for folklore and ghosts/monsters findings perhaps, and one for her personal feelings. If you find the last one, she will end your life.  Hobbies, Recreation: Girl loves to knit! It’s very relaxing and she’s really good at it along with sewing her own clothing! She loves flying, and collecting plants in case that wasn’t obvious already. She also loves monster hunting despite how dangerous it can be, but due to how unique the monsters are in Hyrule she just can’t help it! Catch her taking pictures whenever she comes across one while a friend grabs her and runs for dear life. Jam making is a fun things she enjoys and gardening. Overall, really good hobbies she has! How Do They Relax: A nice bath filled with floral oils that’s meant to relax you and certain flowers as well. It’s how she’s got that flowery scent after all. She tends to read in the bath, and well reading in general along with writing is how she unwinds! She loves knitting and gardening and jam making is relaxing from time to time. Drinking tea while sitting underneath the weeping willow. She does love practicing her magic and hexes too!    What Excites Them?: MONSTERS DESPITE HOW DANGEROUS THEY ARE AND SNAPPING PHOTOS TO RECORD THEM, finding new spells, new tomes and other books! Seeing friends will make her super happy, flowers, wild plant life never seen before. Whenever other people from distant cities learn about her potions shop, new cauldrons, successfully making a new potion, exploring new cities and towns, traveling, flying, learning new things because she’s a nerd with a thirst for knowledge... pretty much she’s very excited over tons of things, it doesn’t take much to excite her, actually haha! Pet Peeves: Wylan breaking into her house, she has tons of charms in the place so it’s a bit worrying and annoying to find him in there doing whatever, messing up with a spell or burning potions, hunger pains when she’s deep at work along with her natural sleepiness once it’s dark out, prideful hero types mayhaps where they’re all talk and no action more like (she does value bravery though), bullying since strong sense of justice, and finally gossip and judgement.  Prejudices: She... doesn’t really have one? Aside from not liking bullies and again prideful hero types who are all talk and no action... liars too? And creeps who flirt with her. Flirting is fun but not when it’s unwanted. Yeah... that’s about it I think! Attitudes: Very determined and ready to face the day and is a hard worker! She’s a cheery girl through and through and very kind but don’t let her kindness fool you as she’s not afraid to put her foot down and call you out. She’s charming and a playful girl who has a love for learning. And is very supportive but can be a busybody if she worries for you. And though somewhat scared about the truth of her origins, once the time comes she’s ready to face those fears. She tends to get either angry or embarrassed (it’s ambiguous really) whenever Wylan is around doing... Wylan things actually haha! Stressors: I guess failure or deadlines that she can’t make if the recipe for the potion is too hard. As well as vague customers too because what sorta potion do you want from her she can’t read minds? Tarot cards and palm reading, while she knows how to do these things as it’s natural for all witches, knowing the future is scary and she’d rather live in the now while looking forward to the what the future has in store without knowing of her fate. Also, dark magic. She tends to stay away from it, corruption is a thing that can happen causing her to become a mindless yet very OP being known as sorceress.  Obsessions: WORK. Very much a hard worker to a fault actually due to her high sense of responsibilities playing into that. It’d be cash money if someone could help with relaxing her.  Addictions: Book collecting, along with flower collecting too and finally she has a super bad sweet tooth. That’s about it.  Ambitions: Right now, she wants to become a bigger name in order to help out people as she loves helping others, and well, the extra money doesn’t hurt either. She wishes to become a bit more powerful as she already is, up to the Grand Witch Hylia levels and wishes to increase her mana, not that it’s low but just in case! As Seen by Others: A cutie pie! Who’s kind though sometimes people do avoid her since Witch.  As Seen by Self: She’s cute and she knows it haha! Aside from that she doesn’t see herself as kind but someone who wants to do the right thing, there’s no reason behind this aside from it’s natural for her to be this way. That said she wants to work harder than she already is someone stop her. ASTROLOGY/PHISIOLOGY (hoo boi i know shit about that but let’s go) Birth Date: March 20 Time of Birth: 3:07 AM, right during witching hours with the magic number seven in it, that’s why Hylia went “oh crap she’s gonna be powerful like me and make poor life decisions if she sticks with me time to yeet this baby outta here” Western Astrological Sign: Pisces  Traits Associated with Western Sign: I’m lifting this from a sight but strengths are Compassion, artistic, intuitive, gentle, wise, musical. While weakness is fearful (not really she’s pretty brave but does have some fears) overly trusting, sad, desire to escape reality, can be a victim or a martyr. Some traits don’t really fit her, I guess you can say she’s the odd man out with typical pisces haha!  Chinese Zodiac Sign: That’s a little difficult since it goes by year rather than date but I’ll try! Year of the Monkey! It fits her best I feel! Traits Associated with Chinese Zodiac: according to this site monkeys are fast learners and crafty, they tend to have many interests, they are clever and creative and love to accept challenges. They tend to have magnetic personalities are witty and intelligent but can be naughty aka playful. I feel this fits her better than Pisces... or maybe a mixture of both haha! Handwriting: DOCTOR’S WRITING!! SHE... HAS SLOPPY CURSIVE THAT ONLY SHE CAN READ HWEOH but she can write neat cursive it’s just she’s always in a rush to get her thoughts out there.  Sexual History: Girl was too focused in her studies she did not date anyone. She’s not one for ahem “hooking up either” So... no history there I guess pft.   General Health: Healthy as can be! Medical History: Aside from that one time where she almost died, her medical history is really not that interesting. She does get mana blockage from time to time and they hurt hard and makes it harder to use magic. Her spells going haywire.  Allergies: Hmm... I don’t think she has any. Chronic Illnesses: Nope again! Handicaps: And again no on that either.  OBJECTS Purse / Bag: She has a leather bag around her waist, it’s charmed to be a hammer space of sorts so like... tons of things. Books, tomes, scrolls, diary for ingredients gathering, another journal for folklore and monster tracking, pictograph/camera athame knife just in case because you never know, wallet and plenty of others stuff Wallet: Well, it’s a pouch that’s full of money, a lot just in case. That is also a hammer space of sorts! Fridge: NOT A DAMN THING she’s better at storing bird food for her loftwing and cat food for any stray cats hanging around her area but her fridge is like... leftovers from the little meals she makes from time to time, jam, potions that need to be stored in cold place, veggies, and one battle of water that’s it.  Medicine Cabinet: While she knows some healing spells it doesn’t hurt to have bandages just in case! Along with medical brews that’ll help with things such as colds and other illnesses. Tooth brush and paste of course... and uh the little makeup she has because this girl a goddess and doesn’t wear it too much.  Glove Compartment: CARS DON’T EXIST BUT ACCORDING TO BOTW MOTORCYCLES DO, that said she doesn’t have a motorcycle so like... nothing! Junk Drawer: Utensils, knives for food... for one draw. As for the other real junk drawer full of papers, dried and pressed flowers, journals, and extra quills alongside some cute jewelry! Kitchen Cabinets: Plates, bowls, and glasses of course with spices in another and any food to help with cooking!  Bedroom Hiding Place: Underneath her bed is where the personal journal is... for the most part. Closets: Clothing, it’s a small closet along side other junk like her old wand, and anything relating to her school memories such as supplies.  Backback: Isn’t that the same thing as purse/bag? Either way, read above! Locker: None Desk: WEEPS DO I HAVE TO REPEAT MYSELF ON THIS? Read above with living situation.  Clothes pocket: Mostly letters for her father... a pocket watch, and sometimes she’ll have the athame knife in there too. There’s not much she can store with her dress apron! 

OTHER (bitch we almost done!!)  Halloween Costumes: SHEET GHOST!! She won’t go as a witch since well she is one, sheet ghost is probably meant for laughs really. Also she’d make her own black cat costume due to her affinity with them. A black dress, with cat ears and whiskers drawn on... yeah that seems good! Tricks: Little things like charming you to float! Or having giant rabbits chase after you before they cuddle you! Spiders crawling out from your ears! Bats following you. See? Nothing harmful but something funny to witches yet not so much to mortals or other supernatural beings for that matter.  Talents: Magic, she’s insanely talented but it helps having a Goddess mother who created magic and witches/mages in the first place! She’s good at knitting as we established and sewing, very good at brewing all sorts of potions as they’re always high quality, very good at researching stuff. ETC ETC.  Politics: Hmm well,,, Hyrule is absolute monarchy where the king and royal family lie about being descendants of gods so... yeah! Not much to say there since she’s not one who’s tied to mortal virtues.  Flaws: Worrywart which turns to her assuming things and taking the wheel so to speak she’s trying her best to support friends but well being nosy and like this isn’t always the best, sometimes while good with words and advice to comfort someone she doesn’t always say the right thing to comfort said person, she works too hard and is responsible to a fault, she often likes to give others the benefit of the doubt despite being screwed over. And perhaps... she doesn’t worry about herself so much as she worries about others. Not only does she think she can handle most things but also it’s a bit of a hero complex or something similar to that where she always sacrifices herself for others. Because, it’s the right thing to do. She tends to get embarrassed easily and has a bit of a nasty temper at times but it doesn’t take long for her to get overall as she’s not one to hold grudges.  Strengths: Very joyful and charming, many find themselves drawn to her as the result of this. Kind as well to everyone, aside from mentioned above in prejudice section and dislikes, she likes to treat everyone equally as best as she can. Reasonability is her middle name and tends to always get things done. She’s also very wise for her age and someone who encourages you to do your very best because she believes in you and sees this great light in you that gives you great potential for the bright future. She can be a little flirty towards someone she likes once she gets over her initial shyness upon discovering her feelings but well romance is new to her so sometimes she’ll miss certain romantic intentions. And playful girl who’s a bit witty too. She has talents for magic and is a fast learner for the most part. Also love learning too and is a nerd. She has a creative side to her! Drugs/Alcohol: Nope! Passwords: Probably her birthday for like things that require numbers such as safes and the like! Email Address, Home Page, Blogs, etc.: Well none pft Time and place: Very vague middle ages that takes inspiration from the Magic Technology BOTW has along with other games too such as TP and SS.  Special Places: The sky... does that count? And the Haunted Grove deep within the Lost Woods.  Special Memories: Meeting her familiar for the first time, any time spent with her dad as he was loving and kind, getting accepted to become a student for Hylia despite her wanting to keep a distance but takes her under her wing just in case. 

[gascon-en-exil]

Ranking Zelda Water Dungeons

@thehylianbatman asked for this, and I’ve been sitting on this idea for something like two years now so I figured it’s a good a time as any to pull it out. Water dungeons in The Legend of Zelda have collectively garnered a bad reputation, with some of them among gaming’s most standout representatives of all the annoyances that come with Down the Drain levels. Because I like to be contrary watery environmental aesthetics are typically among my favorites however I have a particular fondness for many of these dungeons, and so I’m giving them a bit of time in the limelight (while also acknowledging that some of them nonetheless really are terrible, even if they’re pretty). Also note that I have not replayed any of these games to make this list, so I’ll be going entirely from memory. While that’s hardly the most accurate way to do something like this, it’ll be helpful in gauging which dungeons leave the most lasting impressions.

First off, a list of dungeons I will be excluding from this ranking because they don’t meet my personal requirements for what constitutes a water dungeon.

Any mini-dungeon, ex. Pirate’s Fortress from Majora’s Mask or the water-based shrines in Breath of the Wild

Dungeons where the name and/or location is suggestive of a watery theme but the experience itself fails to deliver, ex. the Palace on the Sea from The Adventure of Link, Catfish’s Maw from Link’s Awakening, the Ocean Temple from Spirit Tracks

Dancing Dragon Dungeon from Oracle of Seasons, because a waterfall entrance and some short swimming segments do not a water dungeon make.

The Tower of the Gods from Wind Waker, because only the first floor is even partially water-based and it’s just the tide going in and out which is both uninteresting and rather frustrating to play around. I thought about including it, but it would be very low if I had.

Skyview Temple from Skyward Sword, as its swimming segments are also brief and come more in the odd return visit for a midgame fetch quest than for the initial run through.

Now for the ones that made the cut:

#13. Water Temple (Triforce Heroes)

This one just barely made the list, and my decision to include it in the end is mostly on account of the novelty factor. Of the three stage select-style Zelda games, Triforce Heroes is the only one with any notable water levels and even dedicates a full world to the theme. It’s too bad that I can only really count the last level in that world as a dungeon, because this Water Temple is just a knockoff of the Swamp Palace from A Link Between Worlds adjusted for three Links. There are tektites and octoroks and you play around with water levels and this game’s iteration of the hookshot before fighting a version of the OG water dungeon boss Arrghus. Much of TH feels like a quirky theme park version of a Zelda game, and unfortunately this particular example does little to elevate the concept and as a result feels uninspired. The rest of the Riverside world fares better, especially in its use of the new water rod item, but its last level is a dungeon only because it has to be.

#12. Jabu-Jabu’s Belly (Oracle of Ages)

If I had to choose one dungeon as an example of what people tend to hate about this group on the whole, it would be this one. Less infamous though it may be coming from a handheld title rather than one of the 3D games, this version of a dungeon inside a giant fish suffers precisely because it is not 3D, or more specifically not Ocarina of Time. It combines aspects of both of OoT’s water dungeons and fails at each of them because of the limitations of the game’s format; the unpleasant environs of being inside a digestive tract don’t come across well on the Game Boy Color, and raising and lowering the water level is harder to visualize in only two dimensions. Combine this with bland visuals that make it easy to get lost, a dungeon item that’s only a length upgrade of an item you already have (also like OoT’s Water Temple), a droning musical track, and the less fluid swimming controls that come with OoA’s mermaid suit “upgrade,” and there’s not much saving this one. The boss is sort of fun I suppose, but it’s a bioelectric aquatic monster...hmm, now where have I seen that before.... 

#11. Swamp Palace (A Link Between Worlds)

I did want this one higher, but it’s so short. That’s true of all but two of the Lorule dungeons really, with them being streamlined and in many cases more thematically pronounced rehashes of the Dark World dungeons from A Link to the Past, but because the original Swamp Palace is already solid (see below) this one just doesn’t have much to do. It adds some raft puzzles and marginally more complex changes to the water level, but that’s about it. The boss is also almost identical, which isn’t saying much because “monster with a single eye that is also its weak point” describes most of the bosses on this list, but here it’s just Arrghus again. I will say that I was grateful for how short this dungeon is in my single run of this game’s Hero Mode, because it holds the valuable defense-boosting Blue Mail. Imagine the developer trolling that would have been leaving it where it had been in LttP: in this game’s equivalent of the Ice Palace.

#10.  Lakebed Temple (Twilight Princess)

As the first 3D entry on this list I suspect this may be a bit surprising, but I have to say I’ve never liked Lakebed much. A big part of that is how there’s relatively little water inside the dungeon despite it being on, you know, a lake bed. It’s a shame too, because Twilight Princess has the second-best underwater controls of the 3D games and even underwater bombs. Have fun using them in maybe three rooms. It’s also an uninspired experience beyond that, with drab visuals - despite its reputation for being gritty and brown TP can do good visuals, just not here - a music track that’s more atmospheric cave music than identifiable melody, a structure that resembles what would come from welding the two tower climbs of Ocarina of Time’s Fire Temple to the central structure of its Water Temple, and a tedious backtracking segment in the middle if you want to get all the chests (and all the stamps in the HD remake) which of course I do because 100% completion. Redirecting multiple currents and using them to flood the central room is admittedly neat, but I can’t give Lakebed too much credit for what the clawshot does to distinguish itself from the standard hookshot when much of the difference here comes down to hanging from slowly rotating platforms. Whee. Morpheel is also a joke, initially a riff on OoT’s Morpha that looks genuinely impressive when its leviathan main body emerges for the second phase...and then dies in a minute while posing next to no threat to the player as it swims around aimlessly. The frog mini-boss leaves more of an impression for striking an odd balance between goofy and gross...but why is a giant frog at the (partially dry) bottom of a lake? Gah.

#9. Angler’s Tunnel (Link’s Awakening)

Easily nabs the award for best glow-up in a remake, and indeed this ranking owes itself mostly to the Switch version. The original deserves some praise for being the second water dungeon in the series while not copying too much from the first, and it’s the only one on this list where Link can’t swim at all until he acquires the dungeon item meaning for the first half he’s got to avoid water like it’s lava. Still, the remake massively ups the aquatic ambiance between the cool blue lighting and environmental pieces and the remixed music (with bits of the original Game Boy chip tune left in, as with most of the soundtrack). It also buffs the boss so it dies in thirty seconds instead of five - go marginally threatening Angler Fish! Less than half of the dungeons in Link’s Awakening have traditional themes, instead preferring such odd motifs as bottles and keys and amateur demolition, but Angler’s Tunnel is one of the few that does so I’m happy to see that the development team for the Switch version really leaned into that distinction.

#8. Divine Beast Vah Ruta (Breath of the Wild)

I struggled considerably with ranking this one, and even now I’m still not satisfied. On the one hand this ought to be easy; everyone knows that the Divine Beasts are a low point of Breath of the Wild, small and monotonous with few enemies and similar boss fights and puzzles that are only slightly beefed-up versions of those found in shrines. On the other though BotW more than any previous game blurs the definition of a dungeon with its multitudinous shrines, lengthy (or not) quests leading up to the entrance of each Divine Beast, and Hyrule Castle providing an open-world dungeon experience like no other. In this regard Ruta is easily the best of the Beasts, as the sequence of events leading up to it involve a mostly linear narrative and geographical progression (helped by Ruta drenching the area in constant rain and preventing Link from climbing over everything like usual) that organically follows from the story progression near the start of the game and concludes with a thrilling mini-game in which Link rides Sidon smashing ice blocks and shooting targets mid-air after being launched from the top of a waterfall - and also forever blessing the internet with more gay shark cocks than it could have ever needed or wanted. Ruta’s interior has a few points in its favor as well; the obligatory dungeon movement mechanism only shifts the aim of the water spraying from the elephant’s trunk which is less disorienting than the equivalent mechanics in the other Beasts, and Link has a rune (Cryonis) naturally attuned to water/ice puzzles which somewhat makes up for BotW’s bizarre lack of underwater swimming. So yeah, lots of pros and cons and Link the DP’ing fish fucker bottom, so I’ll have to settle for sticking this one just below the middle.

#7.  Jabu-Jabu’s Belly (Ocarina of Time)

It seems strange how everyone accepted it at the time, but Ocarina of Time’s initial trio of dungeons keep the training wheels firmly on. All of them are fairly short and straightforward, none of them have locked doors, and the first two are as aesthetically generic for their respective themes as it gets. Then comes Jabu-Jabu, which is still short and key-less..except you’re inside a giant fish so here that makes sense and we’re all better off not thinking about how the barred “doors” work. As I alluded to in the entry for the inferior Oracle knockoff, this dungeon sells it on the nastiness: Link’s footsteps make squelching sounds, the walls appear to pulse (and have live cows in them serving as switches in the Master Quest revamp...again, don’t ask), glowing white growths serve as slingshot targets, there are mysterious tentacles everywhere and not the sexy kind, and the boss is a swollen mass of viscera that explodes in a shower of green goo when it dies. Extremely gross all around, but then you are inside a giant fish. Funny too that Jabu-Jabu throws a hitch in the usual dungeon pattern in the form of an escort quest of all things, but thankfully Link has to carry Ruto around instead of waiting for her to follow with dodgy AI. I also have to give credit for this dungeon making extensive use of the boomerang you find in its depths, easily one of the most fun items in OoT that goes criminally underutilized since only young Link can use it and it comes right at the end of his portion of the quest.

#6. Mermaid’s Cave (Oracle of Ages)

Oracle of Ages makes up for its counterpart’s lack of water dungeons with two of its own, and Mermaid’s Cave is by far the better of the two. It stands out as the only dungeon in either Oracle title to make use of its game’s defining gimmick, which in this case means that there are past and present versions that have to be explored separately. Ocarina of Time had earlier featured a dungeon with a similar concept in its Spirit Temple, but as with time travel in OoA more generally Mermaid’s Cave takes it a step farther with major structural and environmental differences between the two versions. The water source at the base of Rolling Ridge dries up over the course of four centuries, leaving the dungeon partially flooded in the past but mostly dry and ruined in the present, and doing some things in the past Mermaid’s Cave will affect the dungeon in the present as well. Unfortunately the novelty is somewhat undone by the dungeon item, the clunky mermaid suit that I’ve previously complained about. It leads to the game’s first fully underwater segments and plays a major role in the boss fight which alternatively engages you above and below the surface, but the letdown that is this dungeon’s namesake keeps me from placing this one any higher. Well, that and the fact that you have to do two Goron trading sequences to get inside, because of course you need a key for each era. OoA loves little annoyances like that.

#5. Swamp Palace (A Link to the Past)

While you’d be hard-pressed to call it the most iconic anymore, this is without a doubt the ur-water dungeon of the series - and I don’t only mean that it’s the first one. It’s got raising and lowering the water level, swimming against currents, redirecting channels, electric enemies, the hookshot as a dungeon item, randomly unintuitive nonsense (flooding a canal in the Light World does the same in the equivalent Dark World building because...?), and a squishy boss with a giant eye. As I did when I was ranking the games I had to bump this dungeon up a few spots specifically for how important it was in inspiring future dungeons, but nevertheless I believe the Swamp Palace holds up on its own even today. It’s notable that, in the game that arguably has more dungeons than any other in the series depending on how you count them, this is one of only a handful to even have a clearly identifiable theme - and that so much of what’s on display here has been iterated upon in so many future titles. That’s some classic Zelda stuff right there...and funnily enough this isn’t among the most annoying of the Dark World dungeons. Safe to say that a certain later title was the one to acquire a bad reputation for this dungeon type...ahem.

#4. Water Temple (Ocarina of Time)

Here it is now, possibly the most frequently maligned dungeon in the entire series. For the N64 version I absolutely understand it: the layout is unituitive and forces a lot of backtracking if you don’t know exactly where you’re going (especially with that block in the central tower...you know the one), most of the rooms look similar so it’s harder to memorize the locations of each, needing to open a slow-loading menu to take the iron boots on and off repeatedly is exceptionally tedious, movement and combat options are awkward and restricted underwater making enemies more annoying than they should be, Dark Link can be a nightmare of a mini-boss if you don’t know the flaws in his AI, the dungeon item is merely an extended hookshot, Morpha can kill you very quickly if you don’t know the even bigger flaw in its arena design...it’s one big mess, and little wonder it’s about the only dungeon to actually be easier in the Master Quest. All that said however the 3DS remake fixed around half of these issues including the iron boots and some of the navigation woes, and it’s a much smoother experience overall in that version. This Water Temple still doesn’t crack the top three for me though, in large part because I view it largely as bringing the ideas of the original Swamp Palace into three dimensions rather than creating something truly unique and memorable - or memorable for the right reasons anyway. There’s also the curious aesthetic choices in this dungeon that I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone discuss before. Between the music, the pagoda in the middle, the serpentine dragon statues everywhere, and Dark Link’s room there’s a distinctive East Asian flavor to the temple that I don’t quite know what to make of. It’s nowhere near as pronounced in any of OoT’s other dungeons or major set pieces, so it all feels quite random.

#3. Temple of Droplets (The Minish Cap)

Heavy bias factor here, because ice is another favorite gaming aesthetic of mine and this is somehow the only Zelda dungeon to combine it with water (Phantom Hourglass’s Ice Temple doesn’t count for the same reason that neither DS game appears on this list: Link can’t swim in those games, so how could there be water dungeons?). That aside however the Temple of Droplets is just delightfully creative, as is typical for this game’s dungeons. It starts with predictable ice block puzzles that lead to a fake-out with the boss key, but then it opens up to a diverse blend of lily pad “boating,” diving, melting ice with sunlight, burning ice and webs and lighting dark rooms with the lantern, and still more ice block puzzles. It’s so many different elements mashed together and enhanced even further by The Minish Cap’s unique shrinking gimmick, because this is one of the two dungeons to be fully Minish-sized. The mini-boss is an electrified Chuchu, and the boss an ordinary Octorok with a weird floral growth and separate water and ice phases that make defeating it much more of an ordeal than such a basic enemy normally has any right to be. I believe I mentioned in my game ranking that TMC is one of the more underrated titles, a creative sleeper hit that still manages to pack in tons of references to earlier, better-known 3D games. That’s certainly true of this dungeon, which throws in a quick little puzzle reference to earlier 2D games’ habit of designing their dungeon maps in particular shapes. The similarly-shaped Bottle Grotto wishes it was this good.

#2. Great Bay Temple (Majora’s Mask)

Notwithstanding that it’s in my favorite game in the series, Great Bay Temple took a while to grow on me. At first I was skeptical that an anachronistic waterworks was the right fit for a dungeon in the grim and apocalyptic Majora’s Mask - I’m always leery about fantasy media injecting random bits of other genres such as this dip into (sort of) steampunk. It didn’t take long however for me to fall in love with the place, with its rapidly-paced dynamism and brightly-colored plumbing a stark contrast to the slow and plodding Water Temple of the previous game. It perfectly accentuates Zora Link’s speedy swimming, and while the ice arrows slow the second half down a touch I’m just grateful that at least they have a point in this game unlike in Ocarina of Time. The enemies are hit or miss, although I say that less about Gyorg and more about Wart, the mini-boss that thoroughly demonstrates why Arrghus is an exercise in tedium in 3D (which is even less forgivable in a game where you’re always on the clock). Still, that doesn’t detract from how fun it can be exploring while redirecting water currents and getting all of the colored pipes flowing, and this isn’t even too frustrating with the water pushing you through the areas you need to be in sequentially. What does detract from all this somewhat is the 3DS remake; Zora Link’s infamous swimming nerf isn’t so bad in the dungeon’s narrow corridors and I can live with the more restricted ice arrows (creating icebergs in random places isn’t my idea of fun, so I don’t feel like anything was lost), but the changes to the Gyorg fight make it longer and more RNG-dependent than it should be. It’s not the only boss in the remake to become worse apparently out a desire by the developers to waste more of your limited time with them *glares at Twinmold*, but Gyorg hits worse in my minimal cycles runs on account of where Great Bay Temple falls in my scheduling.

#1. Ancient Cistern (Skyward Sword)

I didn’t want this to be #1 - it’s just not fair. The Ancient Cistern is more or less the only entry on this list that escapes the water dungeon stigma, and in fact gets consistently ranked as the best dungeon in all of Skyward Sword. Everyone loves this place, and it’s easy to see why. The aesthetics are gorgeous, it’s decently challenging but not labyrinthine, the whip is fun to use, Koloktos is awesome and unique and mildly disturbing, and the whole thing is wrapped in an explicit allusion to a Buddhist fable that comes across in the environmental details and in the dungeon structure alike. I wouldn’t call this a perfect experience, but my objections feel like nitpicks. The underwater swimming controls in SS suck...but you’re not underwater much, and there’s a much more infamous section for that later in the game. The dungeon is only half water-themed, with the basement being more of a shadow dungeon and (unlike with the Temple of Droplets) little being done to blend the two...but that plays into the fable reference and at a key point the feeling of ascending a thread from death/hell into enlightenment. The Buddhist trappings are extremely overt particularly with the shape of the boss key and the giant statue that is the dungeon’s central structure...but if the presence of that in the Zelda universe isn’t immersion-breaking to the developers for whom Buddhism is a present cultural reality then it would be petty of me to consider it more than a curiosity. None of that was enough for me to place Great Bay Temple over it, especially in light of the mild downgrade that dungeon got in its remake. Here’s to hoping that when/if SS ever gets a port or updated rerelease that the Cistern will be as good or even better than it is now. They can take the motion controls off swimming, for starters....

[moistwithgender]

Monthly Media Roundup (May 2019)

The march of time inexorably proceeds beyond my grasp and so I must write another post. I’ve been a bit burned out, just focusing on one diversion (it was Zelda, you know it was Zelda), but after finishing it I recovered enough energy to get a few more things done in the last half of the month. I didn’t watch any anime or read any manga in May, though I did read some 70s Marvel, which I liveblog in my “curry reads comics” tag. Last time I did an actual capital-P Post about my Marvel reading was a year ago after marathoning a full(ish) decade. If people are interested in more of that I could work at making posts for each year of issues I read, recapping the developments and my thoughts on them (which will become more relevant as Events become more common, I imagine). I’ve just got a few games to talk about this month, but I imagine I have a lot to say about at least one of them.

The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild (Switch): 2 years ago I did something I extremely rarely do: stood in line at a Best Buy at midnight for the release of the Switch so that I could buy it with BotW. BotW was also out on Wii U, which I had, but the promotional material for BotW had struck such a chord in me that it justified making the jump for the new console (this would eventually become troublesome when the first model of joycons failed, but, well). I got home, put some ten odd hours into it, and then put it down for two years. I’ve always had a problem where, struck with the intuition that I will end up forming a deep relationship with a work, I will put it off for years. I put off Persona 3 for five years after buying it at launch, and it eventually became the most personal game experience I would have, even seven years onward. I think the two factors that pushed me to finally play through BotW was wanting to watch a friend stream it (but also not wanting it spoiled for me), and needing a distraction for when I was taking care of my cat.

It’s been about two months now since he passed away, and I finally finished the game at 215+ hours about half a month ago. So, I was playing this game as a coping method while preparing for loss, and in dealing with loss. It’s appropriate that the game is effectively both a fantasy about reclaiming at least part of what you have lost, and a colossal exercise in coping. The game is as much about getting distracted from your responsibilities and fucking off to snowboard in the mountains as it is about being aware of the world around you. The Zelda games have frequently used themes of Shintoism to portray harmony in nature and in civilization. I’m currently replaying Ocarina of Time and the cosmogony myth (is it a myth if a talking tree explains it to you?) specifically words the goddesses as “[giving] the spirit of law to the world” and “[producing] all life forms who would uphold the law.” When I was younger (see: early 20s) I didn’t scrutinize the text much but now I figure it’s reasonable to read “law” as “natural order”. It should be noted that for an N64 game, OoT has remarkably good prose. BotW, in transitioning the series in what may be its third main genre (as opposed to the genres of Zelda 1 and OoT), has taken that Shintoist aesthetic and incorporated it into the entire philosophy of the game’s design. More than just being a game whose narrative concerns an imbalanced world, BotW embraces the trends of open worlds and immersive sims to create an immense, varied space where the coded laws of physics are always impacting the experience. Thunderstorms make metal equipment a liability, while rain covers the sounds of footsteps. Wind can sweep away items, fire and high temperatures affect flammable objects (including yourself), and aforementioned metallic items can conduct electricity, which can be used to solve puzzles in unintended ways. Weather changes regularly based on the region and changes the world in tandem. Rain doesn’t just fall, it actively collects, and ponds become bigger, and surfaces become slicker. Each systemic element (pun not intended) that was incorporated affected everything else in the world, and in interviews there were mentions that changing the volume of wind in one area had a butterfly effect on another, causing pots to fly off of patios in a village. It’s no wonder the game took five years to make, considering how rarely glitches occur in the game (and most that I know of have to be deliberately recreated for exploitation). You’re engaging with enemies as much as you are with the environment, and at times even with your own body, creating and consuming food and drink for the purpose of staving off sunstroke or frostbite. As a result, BotW’s Hyrule is immensely palpable, and easy to lose oneself in from how livable it feels.

When I first started playing at release, I was a bit disappointed to discover that villages existed in-game, as early promotional material and the state of the Great Plateau you start on painted a picture of a lonely world. In the end, the soundtrack and vast amount of uncolonized land does give an understated sense of melancholy that defines the game, though the fact that every five steps you’ll find a Korok micropuzzle waiting to YA HA HA and fanfare at you betrays that a bit (I still love those Koroks and their puzzles, don’t @ me). The NPCs in this are numerous, though, from the occupants of the villages to wandering traders, and their personalities are all distinct and charming, and probably the best I’ve ever seen in a game, or at least in a long time. If this game wasn’t railroading the Link/Zelda relationship so hard, I would have liked a Dragon’s Dogma-style “date any NPC (within reason)” mechanic. I’m just going to have to start a “NPCs you should marry” side-tumblr.

Another defining aspect of the gameplay, and easily what makes the game surpass arguably every other Zelda, is how Nintendo heard the decade or so of complaints about the linear Zelda lock-and-key formula being reiterated to the point of stagnation, and, after great success with A Link Between Worlds’ item rental subversion, just decided to make everything optional. You do the tutorial on the Great Plateau, and, if you feel especially gutsy, you can beeline it straight to Ganon. He’s in horse-riding distance, or running distance, if you’re tenacious. Will you make it to him, survive the hordes of enemies, and take him down? If it’s your first time playing the game and you haven’t learned the systems, probably not. Is it possible? Absolutely. Much like how the monthly cycle of a Persona game is a proverbial Rocky training montage of preparing for The Big Fight, everything you do in BotW is in preparation. A lot of open world games can feel dissonant in that you’re incentivized to be distracted as a player and make your own fun, meanwhile the protagonist keeps saying “I’m gonna get bloody revenge on the mafia boss!” during bowling matches. There is still, unavoidably, a sense of urgency played up for narrative sake in BotW, since Impa insists Zelda is waiting and can’t hold Ganon back forever, but it’s all much more narratively justifiable, if you want that. You know, because Zelda is for hardcore roleplaying.

I couldn’t resist a second playthrough, even after logging 215+ hours, so I went ahead and started a separate file on Master Mode, Nintendo’s weird in-house, in-franchise rebranding of, uh, a hard mode. Previously it was called Hero Mode. Why do you--well, okay, I know why they do it. They’re likely trying to distinguish it from a “we just tweaked the numbers” hard mode, and also want to make it feel less threatening than something labeled hard mode. If they’re going to go to the trouble to make it a distinct form of play, they want to try and appeal to everyone. And it is fairly distinct. All enemies are bumped up one rank, so a red bokoblin is blue, and a blue bokoblin is black, and so on. There is a new strongest rank of enemy, though in my run I did not seek them out. There are enemies (and treasure chests!) perched on flying rafts, which can be one-shot with proper bow aiming, but also carry dangerous elemental arrows, and can alert all other enemies in the area. Stealth is much more difficult, and pointless early in. All enemies regenerate up to a third of their health, including bosses! Though, that can be temporarily interrupted by inflicting any amount of damage on them, so it behooves you to be on the offense. Less autosave slots! This wasn’t a problem for me. Guardians randomly delay the firing of their beams! This was absolutely a problem for me and I avoided them entirely in my run. In the beginning when tools and resources are scare, particularly on the Great Plateau, Master Mode is at its hardest, and its most thrilling. Rather than aimlessly exploring, I was pressured to decide where I knew things were, and beeline it to them. Sometime in-between two of the four main optional dungeons, I had amassed enough valuable resources that the game had settled back into the same kind of difficulty as normal mode. Bosses were a little harder due to regen and my resources being somewhat scarcer, but they were manageable. Competently performing flurry attacks (upon successfully dodging attacks at the last second) was extremely valuable to me, but I imagine with enough food in my inventory, I could have brute forced my way through a lot of the fights (though, uh, obviously thou wouldst like to live deliciously (please hate me for this phrasing)). I chose to forego the Master Sword for the sake of challenge, and beat Master Mode with only seven hearts, in around 25 hours. You should play Master Mode, it’s fun.

Here’s a little gameplay SPOILER:

Something I haven’t done, but would like to eventually do, is avoid the main dungeons and just head straight to Ganon. When I played Master Mode, I wasn’t totally confident, and did the dungeons for the resources. After watching some speedruns I learned that if you skip the dungeons, and therefore the main bosses, you have to fight them all at once immediately before the fight with Ganon, without breaks.

That. Sounds. Great.

Wandersong (PC/Steam): Have you heard about Homestuck?

Okay, wait. Wait. Come back, wait. Stop leaving. PLEASE.

Okay, I got the most inflammatory sentence out of the way. Now that we’re eased into that: Wandersong is unignorably influenced by Homestuck. Homestuck conjured a lot of baggage, from having a really difficult, pretentious, arrogant author (I should know, I gave him the benefit of the doubt for way too long), to having some unfortunate narrative turns, to being a billion words long. Wandersong invokes the vaster-than-God scope, the minute and personal perspective of the heroes, and its inclinations toward emotional intelligence (it still surprises me Homestuck had these moments given the author’s deeply unsympathetic sense of humor), and… condenses it! It also makes it a light puzzle-platformer and is about performing music (note: not rhythm, you don’t have to have ANY rhythm), and looks like a Paper Mario game. It is very charming, very funny, very optimistic, and most surprisingly, uncompromising at times. Wandersong says that you, despite your role, are capable of great things, especially self growth and change, as long as you commit to it. If, faced with the consequences of your bad decisions, you choose to double down and keep at it, you will reap what you sow. This is distinctly different from Undertale’s brand of pacifism route optimism, where “no one has to die!” This brand of optimism is a measured but enthusiastic “you can’t save someone who doesn’t want to be saved, but you can save the rest” and I think that’s a uniquely valuable message.

I was a little confused about the resolution of the communist uprising chapter, but I recall the game bringing my cynicism into question, and the most important thing a work can do is make you question yourself.

(Also, if any of my mutuals are low on funds but interested, I do have a drm-free version I can share.)

Minit (PC/Steam): I don’t think I actually have a lot to say about Minit! It’s very fun and curious and short. You play a little… duck… thing, and you pick up a cursed sword which kills you in one minute. Then you wake up the next day, and die in a minute. Then you wake up the next day. Having only sixty seconds of vitality, you have to optimize your exploration. There’s a slow-speaking old man who you will die listening to, but the hint he gives at the end of his sentence will lead you to something valuable. There’s a guy in a bar angry about the lack of music. If you change the music, he will probably dislike it. If you keep changing the music, you might live to see him like it. There’s a boat ride to a tropical island you have to grit your teeth and wait through. Not all of the events are slow, some are quick bouts of hurried exploration. Most of it is, given the time limit. I’d say more, but given the overall length (it took me about an hour to finish), I’d risk spoiling a sizable fraction of the experience. It’s about $10, though I got mine in a Humble Bundle Monthly subscription. The spec requirements are very low, so your laptop can likely run it.

A Hat in Time (PC/Steam): Heads up, I’m gonna get into a lot of spoilers for this game, including endgame spoilers, but also heads up, the story isn’t really the point in this game. This is a game about tone and platforming. That said, I’m gonna be talking exclusively about the weird ideas in this game, and if you want those weird ideas to be a surprise, then just skip ahead until I put up big letters.

I’m somewhat hesitant to be critical of A Hat in Time because despite a number of weird Things about it, I recognize that it’s quite popular with a lot of people, and that always makes me pause and want to figure out what it is that makes it pass the bar for others. My guess at this point is that it invokes nostalgia through its unmitigated imitation of games that came before. The games it chooses to ape are all your childhood’s Greatest Hits, Wind Waker (which it most resembled in its earliest development), Super Mario Sunshine/Galaxy (which it most resembles now), Banjo-Kazooie, Psychonauts, etc. It never really surpasses those games, for me, and at times cribs from them to the degree that it obscures the game’s own identity. After all, what you enjoy may help define you, but you wouldn’t say it’s your personality. Well. Unless you kin the Gamecube. I guess. There are bonus levels to the game’s different “worlds” (I thought they were different planets, since your hub area is a spaceship, and you access them via different telescopes, but it turns out it’s just one planet?), and you can collect photographs, which sequentially tell a story about the residents of that “world”. Psychonauts did this because each level took place in the mind of a character, and the photos together told a story about the character that fundamentally changed the way you thought about them, and made the whole game feel richer as a result. I collected the photos for all but the DLC levels in AHiT (those are Really Hard), and of those five or so worlds, none of those bonus photos told me anything that changed how I thought about the characters. There’s a dock town run by a mafia (s-sorta) led by a chef, but did you know they all used to work at a processing factory before going there? There are two manipulative bird directors who are fighting over the same studio to produce their own film and win an award, but did you know they… wanted to be directors since they were kids? There’s a devil analogue who steals people’s souls if they wander into his forest, but did you know he was a prince, and the princess was mad he talked to another girl (it was a flower girl, he was getting flowers for the princess), and imprisoned him until they both the prince and princess turned into evil ghosts? That’s the only one that comes close to being an “oh” moment, but I don’t think it does for the reasons the writer was hoping for. In general, these are prologues without substance.

Speaking of substance, the game has a bit of an issue with theming. At least, it does at first. The first town is the previously mentioned dock town, run by a mafia. By “mafia”, I mean a bunch of meatheads who talk about how they like punching people, and refer to themselves individually, in the third person, as Mafia. Mafia loves to punch the poor and the birds. Mafia is a one-dimensional character copy-pasted across 20% of the game. Mafia laughs. They’re run by a chef, but also they can’t cook, so there’s a cat chef in hiding who routinely swaps out their food with his so no one has to eat bad food. I don’t know why, when the town has maybe three non-Mafia character. He does eventually leave and board your ship, so maybe he’s just looking for something to do. The leader of the mafia also boards your ship, for a joke and to sell you an upgrade. The mafia are also afraid of mud monsters, or aliens, or something. There’s a girl with a moustache named Moustache Girl who wants to use your Time Macguffins to overthrow organized crime, and Hat Girl decides that’s a no-go. There are giant faucets around the town that replace all the water with lava. You might be noticing these things have little to no connection. You might be suspecting this level was made first when the dev was inexperienced. I might be suspecting this. It’s fine.

Later worlds do a much better job of theming. There’s the movie studio split between two birds. One of them a penguin, who prefers science fiction, the other a…

...hmmm. I suspect this guy, The Conductor, is an OC the director has had for a while, maybe since childhood, that they just decided Is A Bird, and carried it into the game, since the game occasionally is like... bird?? Alternatively, it’s some sort of corruption of Woodstock from Peanuts. Possibly both. Anyway, this guy just wants to make movies that take place on wild western trains. He has a strong fake Scottish accent, and the penguin, named DJ Grooves, is some sort of disco Elvis. They’ve both hired owls as actors, and some crows have snuck onto the train set (the crows are so obviously the G-Men from Psychonauts’ Milkman level it bothers me a bit). This is already a little busy, but it’s okay! Birds, movies, two distinct genres, and you trapped in-between them, just trying to collect your macguffins. It works. You take part in both of their movies, and your performance in both determines the winner, when suddenly… CORRUPTION WAS AFOOT, and you have to explore the depths of the studio and engage in a showdown.

Another world is a spooky forest where your access is restricted by completing certain contracts for the devilish character. Sometimes it’s murder (reasonable), exploring a haunted mansion in survival horror format (ooh!), fixing the plumbing in a well (wait, what), and doing mail delivery (back up back up). Half of that works. The finale of the forest makes up for it, though. This game insists on most of its bosses having like 4-5 phases and breaks for dialogue and the gall required to get away with that honestly earned my respect. They’re pretty fun times.

The best level to play is, unsurprisingly, the first DLC. I say unsurprising because it’s clear the dev is learning as they go, and the level design improves as they go along. Aside from bonus levels, the first DLC takes place on a massive cruise liner titled the SS Literally Can’t Sink. Ha ha. It’s split into three parts. The first part has you exploring the many interconnected rooms of the ship to find broken shards of a macguffin, the second part has you taking that mental map and using it to frantically complete multiple timed fetch quests at once, and the third part, now that you understand the ship pretty intimately, capsizes the ship, requiring you to traverse frigid waters and overturned scenery to retrieve babies and the ship’s incompetent but adorable baby seal crew (the seals speak in hewwo talk, the game is unforgivably loaded with memes but let me have this). This progression is my favorite in the game, and while I haven’t bought the Nyakuza Metro DLC, I’m looking forward to it.

The ending level had me a bit bewildered at first because in the beginning when Hat Kid refuses to use time powers to stop organized crime, I saw it as a hamfisted way to create tension between Hat Kid and Moustache Girl. Apparently it was working up towards the moral of the story. In the final level, Moustache Girl has stolen all the macguffins, and possessing ultimate power, becomes corrupted ultimately, and summons everyone in the world to her Bowser castle to be judged and die. On first glance, I thought “well, sure, that’s sensible,” but when Hat Kid finds the support of all the villains in the game, I was a little confused. The villains sacrifice themselves to give you infinite health, explicitly stating that they’ll just come back through time magic if you win so who cares (cool stakes), and you overcome authoritarianism with the support of corrupt hollywood, organized crime, and the literal devil. This would be fine if at some point Hat Kid, you know, took them on a Zuko Quest to face turn all of them, but that doesn’t happen. They just all decide “hey yeah, fuck this girl! Also we don’t have time for the nuance this might require!” After all is said and done and you collect all your macguffins, you’re given the choice of leaving the defeated Moustache Girl a single macguffin so she can defeat the mafia (whose side are we on) or just saying nahhh. Neither appears to make a difference, but maybe in a year or two we’ll get a DLC that makes you regret your words and deeds. You try to fly your ship to your home planet, and the villains all grab on to your ship, which is in space, begging you not to leave. I seriously suspect they intended to incorporate face-turn scenes and just couldn’t find the time, because nothing but physical proximity implies these guys would have any emotional attachment to Hat Kid, and that’s a bit of a stretch. Anyway, Hat Kid brooms them off the ship to plummet down to earth and flies away. Sheds a tear about the whole thing. In the end, the moral was that Order good, but too much Order bad, except if you are Hat Kid, in which case Chaos good. Or maybe…

After finishing the game I decided to look into any left over secrets, since my completion score was in the 80s of percents. Turns out that if you use the camera badge to finagle the free look feature into a marginally open armoire somewhere on your spaceship, you can find a shrine to Hat Kid with a couple skulls, a bunch of blurry photos, and some strange symbols. If you doing this while wearing the mask that lets you see the secrets of the dead (for platforming and puzzle purposes, of course), there’s a bunch of alien text you can decode. And then there’s some youtube channels. And a twitter account. All sharing more of those decodable ciphers, all talking about vague dreamy apocalyptic histories and dark betrayals. Or something. That’s right, this game’s got a fucking ARG. I cut things off there. If the developer Gears for Breakfast is gonna make an occultist grimdark sequel to A Hat in Time, they can put up a trailer for it.

OKAY I’M DONE TALKING ABOUT A HAT IN TIME, the short of it is that I had a lot of mixed feelings but had fun.

How did I end up talking more about A Hat in Time than Breath of the Wild? What are my priorities?

Well, that’s everything I finished in May! Will I get back to anime and manga in June? Guess we’ll see! Again, let me know if you want me to do year-recap Marvel posts, since my liveblogging is mostly just shitposts, and the occasional attempt at thoughtfulness among those posts feels kind of out of place. Honestly, I’m probably gonna do that anyway, but it’s nice to see interest. If you read all this, thanks a lot! Go play Breath of the Wild and Wandersong.

[sometipsygnostalgic]

tipsy reviews: breath of the wild

So last month, early november, I went and got myself a Nintendo Switch. And for my new console I bought 3 games: MarioKart Deluxe, Super Mario: Odyssey, and The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild.

What I used it for mostly during this time period was.... Mariokart. It’s a fun and addictive little game while the two openworld games required a lot of effort with no linear path, so I wasn’t looking forward to a lot of busywork.

To my pleasant surprise, when I finally sat down to complete Odyssey, I discovered that the game was filled with many little secrets. It would reward you for experimenting, for putting objects in funny places, and solving its puzzles. The addictive gameplay helped me steamroll through the game to its logical conclusion, and then beyond.

Breath of the Wild, fortunately, follows a similar path. Gone are the many hours of tutorials, talking swords, and narrow Hyrule paths. Now we find the world not only open, where you’re free to move in any direction  and climb any mountain, but filled with many secrets and challenges to spend your days working through!  It’s not fair to say that Breath of the Wild is without its challenges though; the open-world formula starts out with many, and though Zelda subverts the issues plagueing more well-known users like Assassin’s Creed, it does fall into some unique pitfalls. 

In this post I will discuss the different areas of this game - story, gameplay, puzzle elements - and see how they compare.

Environment: I felt like it was most important to talk about this aspect first, because the world of Hyrule is so significant to the potential and failures of every other part of the game. Everything to do with story, puzzles, difficulty, it’s all related to the open world, what’s in it, and how you navigate.   Breath of the Wild kinda looks like a barren, empty game when you look at its open world face-value. There’s very few cities, most of the place is ruins littered with some enemy camps and lots of caves. Not a lot of history at all! It reminds me of the empty Hyrule Fields in Ocarina of Time. And there are no sprawling dungeons like in its predecessors. The closest to this is the shrines, short mini-dungeons which were created by the Sheikah predecessors to help the Hero destroy Ganon.  But what Breath of the Wild does RIGHT is utilize this seemingly empty open world to its full advantage. It’s filled with a variety of animals and critters to use for cooking, challenging opponents who you can loot, korok seeds which you need to solve a riddle to collect (but which are far less irritating than riddler trophies), hidden treasure for you to discover... And perhaps the most immersive tactic is how we are able to take damage from the environment - you can freeze to death on a mountain, or dehydrate in the desert, or roast in the Goron mine. All of this, combined with the many, MANY shrines and seeds and their corresponding puzzles, makes this world feel... alive. Like people and animals actually live here.   And the most adrenaline-bursting part of all is entering a Divine Beast for the first time and realising you can manipulate the environment using the map. THIS is what makes a great adventure game. Now, it’s still a fair departure from the classic dungeon crawlers or the previous three entries, but I think Breath of the Wild pulled off its world very impressively. Much more fun to explore than London or North America. It is only for an issue I’ll discuss later on that I have to rank it as low as 8/10. 

Story: BotW does make an interesting departure once again from before, though in some ways I feel this had lost potential. The story is COMPLETELY optional - as soon as you leave the great plateau, you can fight Ganon and call it a day. But if you choose to dig deeper into the memories of Link, you’ll discover that you were ALREADY the Chosen Hero, sealed deep into the Resurrection Shrine by instruction of Zelda. You were identified early because of your upbringing as the son of a Royal Knight, and that’s about it for Link’s known pre-mastersword history. It’s unknown what adventures you went on before. Now you and four Champions were chosen to prepare to fight Ganon. The backstory between you and Zelda is.... mixed, kind of depressing actually; she resented you for a long time because you were so good at your job as the Hero of the Sword while she was deeply insecure over her inability to activate her powers and how her father kept putting pressure on her to constantly pray when she just wanted to become a huge nerd, helping out in other ways.  It ends with Ganon unleashing its power across Hyrule, the Champions being killed and trapped in the Divine Beasts they were going to use against him, and Link nearly dying protecting Zelda who  saves him last second with an awesome Light that Burns the Sky.   After watching 25-ish cutscenes, I... was quite disappointed, because they kept rehashing stuff I already knew; Zelda was insecure over her lack of power, she disliked Link but grew to respect him, and the other Champions are.... well, Mipha’s the only one who has any real history with Link. Revali sees him as a rival, Urubosa looks after Zelda, and Daruk is very hardy and enthusiastic. It’s really cool meeting these characters in the Divine Beasts but you don’t learn much more, and I heard the Champion’s Ballad DLC is the same...  Ganon himself isn’t a chilling villain like before, moreso an intimidating threat. He’s not nearly as scary as the Twilight Beasts or any named Ocarina of Time boss, and he takes very little skill to defeat, even compared to some of his Blights (Thunderblight Ganon took me multiple attempts with its fast hard-hitting moves). In fact I think I’d be able to sweep him easily without saving any Champions. The worst part of all though has to be how it just CUTS YOU OFF.  You complete the game? Yeah, that’s kind of it. There isn’t a “post-game”, it just lets you load your past save. That’s what pisses me off the most. I wanted to speak to Zelda about all those memories I found! Oh yeah the game is also sneaky and won’t load the secret ending cutscene if you didn’t report to Impa and recover the hidden memory after unlocking the Hyrule Tower memory, so good luck doing what I did and getting that one last just before the final boss.  All in all, 5 out of 10. It did its job, but was nothing special whatsoever, lots of wasted potential.  

Gameplay: When you first start playing Breath o the Wild it is extremely punishing. Your weapons  are shit, your damage is shit, you WILL get oneshot many times. But when you pump more hours into it, you gain lots of momentum; since there are so many areas of gameplay, so many ways to approach a certain situation, it becomes inevitable that you’ll figure out a good solution to any fight.  This is a double-edged blade; while it’s lots of fun to kill enemies inventively, the difficulty curb at the BEGINNING of the game is so steep that you’ll find it becoming stupidly easy later on, when you’re more overpowered and you’ve mastered the enemy attack patterns. Sure, they may turn black or silver and do hella damage, but what’s a god to a player who knows how to exploit their AI?  And you’ll be swimming in so many powerful weapons that you’ll abandon them all after a certain point, cos there’s nothing worse to trade out.   The biggest victims of the difficulty scaling have to be the Ganon bosses, all of them, which DO NOT gain health or difficulty at any point. It’s like fighting Champion Wallace’s level 40 watertypes with a level 70 rayquaza, which is what I did in my Emerald playthrough...  This means that the greatest elements of Breath of the Wild’s gameplay are those moments where your tools aren’t quite enough, where you have to prepare and plan. Maybe there’s too many moblins to take on at once? Maybe you’re playing the Island Trial and you have no decent weapons? Maybe you’re trying to complete the Zora divine beast quest and you come face-to-face with the Lynel on the summit? Maybe there’s multiple Guardians aiming at your direction and you have no Ancient Arrows? In all these situations I’ve had to be inventive, sneak around and attack on the sly, or avoid combat altogether.  But what’s even more reliable is the puzzles. You’re not handheld, you’re not told how to do anything outside of the very basic controls - every single puzzle you solve is completely your own accomplishment, your own skills, and sometimes it’s not set out clearly at all so you have to be creative. Nobody TOLD you to put that one rock in the gap between all the others, but you did it, and now you have a rock! And nobody TOLD you how to make a recipe that heals all your hearts and gives you 3 to spare, but your experimentation crafted a recipe.   THIS, in my opinion, is what makes a definitive gaming experience - respect for the player. 9 out of 10 too many royal swords.

Music - No videogame review is complete without an OST ranking. Now.... BotW tried to play a certain role with its music, having it in the background colouring your experiences rather than defining them. This is quite appreciated because it would have been distracting to have booming enemy music for an opponent I knock out in 2 seconds (cough OOT cough). However, outside of its main theme, Breath of the Wild lacks almost all the signature Zelda tracks that have been defining for the series. I’d say that the absence of this booming music makes it.... not feel much like a Zelda at all. It better reflects the open and partially destroyed world, at the expense of recogition. That’s not to say it’s without gems though.. there are very few things more chilling than the music that plays in ganon-possessed guardian containing the tormented soul of your dead zora girlfriend. 7 out of 10, servicable and decent. 

Conclusion - Breath of the Wild is a smashing game, which deserves the praise it gets, not because it’s an open world Zelda but because it REDEFINES the possibilities of an open world game. Instead of littering itself with countless copy-paste fortresses, it offers puzzles and challenges that show respect for the player’s adaptability, encouraging you to explore all the different options its mechanics offer. Instead of making you choke through an insufferable and possibly frustrating campaign to unlock new areas, it gives you the options and tools to go anywhere you like as long as you prepare. It says much when even this game’s biggest weaknesses can be played for strengths. And oh man, what a solid introduction to the Nintendo Switch generation. 

The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild: 8 out of 10. 

[beardycarrot]

Why I’m excited for BotW

There’s a lot of be excited about, even beyond NEW 3D ZELDA GAME WHOO! I’m always excited when a new Zelda game comes out, but this one in particular feels like they’re really doing something new. Before Skyward Sword came out, the big selling points were 1:1 sword combat (which seemed really promising after Red Steel 2 the year before), and what Eiji Aonuma and Hidemaro Fujibayashi described as a change to the “dungeon-field-dungeon” format that had become the norm for Zelda games.

The reasoning for this change was understandable. The biggest complaints about Twilight Princess (at least at the time) were that the world was too big and empty, and that the mandatory sections of interacting with certain NPCs between dungeons were uninteresting and just bogged things down. Unfortunately, how they handled this change was by essentially making the “field” segments in Skyward Sword open-air dungeons, with your progression through them feeling linear and not at all like you were exploring.

With Breath of the Wild, they’ve swung completely in the opposite direction. You’re free to explore everything, whenever and however you want, and it’s completely non-linear. This may be a knee-jerk reaction to the backlash over how Skyward Sword was handled, but looking at what they’ve made, it’s clear a lot of consideration has gone into it.

Open World

The thing I’m most excited about is the game’s main feature, the huge, content-rich open world. My favorite thing to do in games is just to explore, goof off, get a close look at things everyone else just runs past. I love exploration and discovery, and Breath of the Wild seems to have been designed for that specifically. Not a lot to say here: open worlds are just awesome.

Gearing Up

My second-favorite thing in games is character customization. Whether it’s just designing a character at the start of the game or being able to choose clothing and such throughout, being able to customize how your character looks has always been a big selling point for me. Animal Crossing, Monster Hunter, Splatoon, pretty much every western RPG. As a kid, I really liked being able to choose how Link looked in Ocarina of Time, even if the options were limited to three tunics, two swords, and two shields. Not only does Breath of the Wild have a bunch of clothing options and a ridiculous number of weapon and shield combinations, but if the end of the E3 trailer is to be believed, for the first time ever you’ll also be able to change Link’s hairstyle. It’s not a huge thing, but it will help to personalize your experience even more.

Continuity

I’m a sucker for in-game nods to continuity, and BotW seems to be referencing pretty much the entire series. The first trailer for the game after the initial teaser showed the Great Bridge of Hylia, a location from Twilight Princess. We’ve since seen what appears to be Hyrule Castle Town from TP, the Lost Woods from ALttP, statues of the goddess Hylia from SS, a pair of mountains inspired by LoZ artwork, and some people even claim that the starting area contains what looks to be the ruins of an area from OoT. Maybe there’s a storyline explanation for all this, maybe they’re just easter eggs thrown in for fans... Who knows, maybe this is finally the game to bring everything together that we all thought TP was going to be. Whatever the case, I love it, and will surely spend ridiculous amounts of time just staring at stuff.

Difficulty

I’m not one for overly-challenging games. I play games to have fun, not for bragging rights or anything like that, and getting frustrated... just isn’t fun. Thus, I typically play games on the normal difficulty setting, content that I’ll enjoy the experience and that it’s how the developers intended the game to be played anyway. That said, Zelda games have been a bit too easy lately. Twilight Princess put a fairy outside of every boss door, and Skyward Sword went as far as to increase your starting heart count to six... with the majority of early enemies being incredibly slow, clearly telegraphing their attacks, and only doing a quarter of a heart of damage anyway. Not wanting to frustrate players is fine, but it’s also no fun if you can just tank your way through every encounter. As a big open-world game, Breath of the Wild has a periodic auto save feature, meaning that enemies can hit a lot harder without fear of annoying the player too much by sending them back. You have to play strategically if you want to get through, and if you decide that you’re ill-equipped to deal with the situation... well, it’s an open-world game, you can just set a marker to remind you to deal with that area, then go off and do something else. As someone who has breezed through all the recent Zelda games, I’m actually excited for a bit more challenge.

Story

Games having a good story has never been a selling point for me. I’m not one of those people who will completely ignore a game’s story and mash buttons to get through, but I don’t necessarily seek out strong narratives, either. I’m a Nintendo fan, I value gameplay above all else. What’s this game’s story, Bowser is going all Balthazar on a bunch of fairy princesses? There’s no dialog in the entire game? Cool, I’m gonna turn into a cat and climb up some walls. I’ve always thought a setting a characters are more important than the actual story being told in a game, but what little I’ve seen of BotW’s story has me excited. Especially the bits where it seems Link will remember the events of one hundred years ago in flashbacks. Who are Link and Zelda? What’s their relationship? What’s happened that she falls into his arms, crying? This isn’t the kind of thing we normally see from Nintendo, and I’m super excited to see where they’re going with it. I’m also curious to know what’s going on with all this Sheikah tech, since we have yet to see any Sheikah characters. You’d think Impa would be one of the first they reveal, right? It’s entirely possible that the hype is unwarranted. I always get super hyped-up for Zelda games: it happened with Twilight Princess, it happened with Skyward Sword, and it will continue to happen in the future. Maybe there will be things I come to dislike about BotW; maybe having to heal all the time will get annoying, maybe I’ll constantly have too many weapons and keep having to throw out the weakest ones. It’s impossible to say at this point, but I honestly think this will finally be the Zelda game that does everything right.