#i guess you can call it development
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don’t take my old tumblr posts too seriously, i really thought i could get to know myself in less than a week after finding a few terms that fit
#surprise you really cannot#i was young and stupid#proper baby queer#lgbtq#lgbt#turns out im an ace lesbian#also aro-spec#that never changed#but i usually just go by ace lesbian#asexual#asexuality#ace#lesbian#acespec#asexual spectrum#arospec#aromantic#aromantic spectrum#i guess you can call it development#that only took 4 years#maybe 5#idk how long it has been
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the doctor isnt neurodivergent or autistic or adhd or nonbinary or genderqueer or asexual. what the doctor is, is Not From Here
#which necessarily of course says something abt their (non)whiteness#(i had all these words in quotation marks first so mentally add those to whiteness too)#but we've them be black for all of 1.5 episode now so#lets see how that develops you know#also i dont think i understand the politics of that part well enough to say much abt it#not that i probably understand the politics of these parts better but#im annoyed enough abt this Thing happening these years. in these 20s i guess. the 'representation' thing#to complain abt it anyway#the dsm isnt real and it isnt gonna fuck you buddy#maybe i'll read some books and then one day i'll write an essay driven by spite and pettiness#i wonder if i can make the thesis statement about the tension between their status of main character#in a 60 year running family adventure show vs this therapy thing we're doing now#like. you cant do that. in terms of like. what story is and does. what a character is and does. it strains#in an interesting way. like im not saying they Shouldnt have done it. im just observing. that you cant do that really. i think#or maybe you can! but i'll find that out#i also dont know shit abt narratology or whatever so. need to read books first. sigh#always have to pause my thoughts to read myself in first its so annoying. esp bc i rarely really do#bc then new thoughts new things to do you cant do EVERYTHING. you can do almost nothing. bane of my existence really#but like you might even be able to say smth interesting here about whether you can call them traumatised at all#remember that article i saw around on tumblr a few years ago i think that was abt like. some scholar in the middle east maybe#saying that ptsd is a western thing bc it necessitates a Post#all of this is western. psychiatry is western. its all stories. how you conceptualise trauma is a story#whos Other is story#where youre from is a story what you stand for is a story who you are is a story#ah. checked the article. dr samah jabr. palestinian. i'll start with her book maybe
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I occasionally wish to reach out to old friends/acquaintances I haven't spoken to since high school/some other even earlier time in my life, but I have SOOO little social energy even for required tasks (like making dr phone calls or etc), I never have any leftover for extra ones, and it would be very odd to message someone I haven't spoken to in like 5 years out of the blue but then take 4 entire months to respond back lol.. My natural curiosity with nostalgia/collecting details of the past/etc. (literally if I were born a little earlier I would definitely do scrapbooking or something lol) is very strong, but, alas, not strong enough to beat out the Social Issues Demons apparently
#facebook always does that 'here's a post from this day 8 years ago' thing. and I see old comments interacting#with people and it's so like.. OOOOO~~ where are they now?? what's going on? how much have they changed as people?#how much are they the same? this is fascinating. i should contact them!!' but then it's like... take that to it's logical conclusion though#you would contact them and then IF they even responded it would take you 80 years to respond and then they would#think there was something wrong or that you were trying to be insulting or something. To contact anyone I need to include an 85 page#disclaimer of all of my social issues & mental illness things. 'If i take 3 weeks to reply I promise it has nothing to do with u' etc lol#THIS is why more people need to be into phone calls/voice calls/some form of audio real time communication/etc.#I think one of the main things that's hard about messaging through text for me is it's so unscheduled and open ended#(plus it takes forever if you're talking about anything in detail and gets very long very quickly)#because like you can send a message and then just get a reply whenever. and then you're expected to reply back whenever#so it's like you never know when the response will come or when a new obligation to reply can come up? so it's like this sudden thing with#no outline?? if that makes sense. whereas a phone call is very like 'hello let's schedule a call from 10am - 2pm on thursday'. And you know#EXACTLY when the interaction will start and EXACTLY when it will end and you can plan around it in your schedule easily.#I have the reverse thing of a lot of people (how people don't pick up phone calls/hate calls/only text)#I would literally talk on the phone with a stranger. I would have a discord voice chat with someone I barely know.#if someone I hardly even remember from elementary school asked to have a voice call with me out of nowhere I would do it.#but if a stranger MESSAGED me?? or someone I barely know sent me a TEXT or something?? I will never reply probably#It's just too vague and weird. and you can't read voice tone over text. and the interaction could last forever with no clear end#point and etc. etc. But a call is like. set. established. clear boundaries. you can read the flow of conversation better. rapport. etc. etc#I get that I guess people feel more anonymous or distanced over text?? but you can have fake phone numbers on the computer. or do like disc#rd calls. or zoom without a camera or etc. etc. Also the distance that's present in text is BAD distance because it just means that tone is#not conveyed properly and you will never truly get a sense of the person's conversational vibe or mannerisms or how well you really click.#ANYWAY ghgjh...... I'm so so so interested in concepts of like.. How did that one kid I used to talk to in elementary school#but then they moved away in 5th grade - how did they end up? what are they doing now?? etc. etc. Like despite the severe social anhedonia#and general lack of connection with others I'm just really fascinated in like.. idk. the human development of it all and like#the concept of how we're actually a million different people through the course of our lives ever evolving in different iterations and etc.#PLUS again. i love nostalgia. sometimes old peple you know might remember a shared memory or can tell you about something you forgot#or etc. like it's SUCH A COOL THING in CONCEPT but I am too socially inept generally speaking lol. which people I still talk to today are#familiar with my 'phone call once every few months' communication style. but strangers would just be like... wtf. And I don't blame them#Sure I literally cannot change the physical health + brain issues i have - but also I know enough to not put others through that lol
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55-75 dollars an hour for being a therapist? And all this time I’ve been giving services to adults for free since I was 10.
#I have a feeling that if I went into therapy it would be ridiculously easy for me#(maybe not the emotional side; but the creative interpersonal part)#Hell I could probably be someone’s therapist right now without going to college (not that I’m the healthiest person SJDNDJ)#but do as I say not as I do#But I am SO good at coming up with solutions and talking to people in an authoritative but non-threatening way#I can bond with anyone if you give me enough time to work my magic#and once that happens I develop superhuman levels of being attuned to them#I notice microscopic details in situations… I can just pick up people’s vibes#I’m almost what could be called an “empath” but I’m not because all I do is analyze and interpret data all day long#It’s an obsession and I like doing it#And as a result I have needlepoint precision in how I execute plans and interact with others in a work setting#but oddly enough not in day-to-day life… in day-to-day life I do whatever the hell I want#and usually whatever the hell I want constitutes staying fifty feet away from everyone#What kind of hell do I live in that I am a people person but simultaneously introverted to the point of being asocial?#I guess I like being around people if I’m paid to do it? Because it’s in a controlled setting and I know I can go home at a set time#I am prepared to interact with people at work; if I am not prepared I can do fuck all with people socially#A lady tried to talk to me about where I worked while I was in line at the bakery#She was like “Your tag… you work at [school]?”#And I was like “No I work at [other school]… Autistic students.” Then promptly moved to the back of the line#If I am there to eat; I am there to eat. I am not there to talk. No offense. My brain just isn’t calibrated for speaking at this time
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My cousin, a published writer, a well-known poet in my country and a literature professor, for whom I've always been no.1 support ever since her first attempts at writing in high school, told me that I must stop writing as a hobby because that's her thing and since I'm writing fantasy mostly my writing could never have any important artistic value anyways.
#what happened was that i was feeling really down these past few days#like mental health dead in mariana trench#and i went to visit her because she lives like 10 minutes away and has a cat i can play with#but yesterday morning a friend of mine made a fanart (i guess i can call it that) of a fanfic i am writing for the five of them#she sent it to me and said she's also working on an actual painting on a camvas of her fave scene from my original story#and i was so surprised and exicted#that's actually a too mild description#and when i was visitting my cousin i showed her the pic of the drawing on my phone and explained it to her and she just said ....ehh..#and started texting someone#i was sitting there feeling stupid and thinking wow you could have at least praised my friend's art sytle or something#and when i was getting ready to leave she asked me if i was aware my writing has no artistic merit and fantasy is trivial literature#so i should just stop wasting time on that and focus on developing my art style more for her future poetry collections#i do the art for her book covers#and added how we already have an established writer in the family so i should focus on my role - becoming a good pharmacist#and she knows how much i hate that i'm studying pharmacy like it's the no.1 cause of me hating the direction in which my life is going#finished it off by saying she feels like what she's doing in going to be really great and important on a large scale one day#and how she wants me to continue being her shadow that follows and supports her#i left went home and started at a wall for hours#i just feel so dumb for getting excited over a silly drawing of something not more than 5 people will ever read#i genuinely hate the idea of people reading anything i write so most likely writing will just remain a hobby for me#and now i feel like the most stupid person on earth and am this close to deleting all my word documents from both my laptops
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*remembers what they did to Vanny* 500 FUCKING PIPEBOMB ATTACK.
#em.txt#WHY#how can you see the fucking absolute fire that is building up & go. 'yeah douse it. now bring back peepaw AGAIN'#BUILD HER UP 2 GAMES EARLY --- & THEN DO NOTHING!!!!!!!!? FUCK#WE CAN'T HAVE WOMEN DO THINGS IN FNAF I GUESS#the company's scop was too big & they developed the game seperately from the environment & made the environment above the game#cut playable vanessa sections. cut vanny appearances.#remove all the plot make vanessa a bitch throw in some invisible walls call it done. 30 dollars now please#security breach isn't just bad. it's not fucking done.#the thing normally with cut content is i can usually agree like 'okay this game cut this but that was a smart choice'#it can be better for time or budget & it can make for better writing.#for instance all the cut content in ahit is neat & as much as i like moonie it's smart to cut his character to build up other ones#& makes for a tighter story & less convoluted area that's more fun to play#when i look at the cut content for security breach their are obvious issues.#it's obvious the company's scope went too far. you built too big an environment. you built the environment before your game.#you prioritized a cool area to the point you expanded the mall from 1 story to 3. do you think that time could have been speant elsewhere#& the other problem is the insane fucking crunch that scott cawthon as a dev placed on himself & others to maintain relevancy#a single person locking themselves ina room for months to stay relevant is fucked. a game studio physically cannot do that.#you see shit in the prerelease like they wanted a bowling minigame a kart minigame a freeroam minigame etc#what about vanny? what did you want with this character? you clearly had something in mind#but we needed to cut it so we can fit in mazercise i fucking guess or chica's bakery or trash heap#here's what we have: less than 1 minute screentime. the 2 vanessa ending comic. that's it#oh wait i forgot. 'vanny. sounds like vanessa & bunny. this cabnot be a coincidence ' & THEN IT NEVER COMES UP AGAIN#princess quest used to be about that bitch in golden freddy you retconned it to be about vanessa SO DO SOMETHING WITH THAT#her whole shit is apparently in service to william afton. why isn't she in the afton fight at all#does she not know he's down there? is he unrelated? does she know she's working for the mimic? is she not working for him?#is she at all related to the fucking bunny from ruin or like what#what about the rainbow hair. what about her tech prowess. what about the cut missing kids only referenced in duffle bag messages now.#fuck you & fuck me as well why can't i be passionate about hvac systems#why's it gotta be this shittass gsme.
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terfs go climb into a hole and start rotting. animals cannot inherently tell your "biological sex" you are all so fucking stupid. All this post is saying is that animals are not infallible judges of character and some of them make really stupid vibe checks and that people should try not to take it personally. Unless youre a terf in which case they know and they hate you and you should take it personally
re that one post tbh i do want to stress i dont think animals are like magically psychic at knowing your True Gender tbh i think ppl definitely get way too weird about Animal's judgement of ppl.
Sometimes a dog will vibe check a man and the dog will be right and you should listen. but sometimes the dog will vibe check someone for no good reason. sometimes dogs have wack judgement. sometimes dogs have biases influenced by their owners or previous owners. like. there are Racist Dogs. its not the dogs fault, but that doesnt make the bias theyve developed less real, or less potentially hurtful. i dont think we need to like, Cancel Dogs Bc Sometimes Ppl Can Train Them To Be Racist, but we do need to stop perpetuating the idea that a dog's judgement of someone is infallible. theyre not responsible for it and its not their fault its developed, theyre just dogs, they didnt choose it, but that doesnt mean theyre RIGHT lmao. i think its important to stress this for many reasons but in regard to that last post specifically, if youve ever been vibe checked as a gender you arent by a judgy dog its literally not your fault. might not even be the owners fault. not the dogs fault cos like. its a fucking dog. you do kinda have to be the bigger person in that scenario cos the other person is. A Dog.
#toy txt post#this was meant to be a quick post it got a bit longer and more in depth than i planned oops#i just hate when ppl act like All Dogs have Inherently Correct Judgement Of People#like from every angle. its funny to joke about but i know theres ppl out there who might be feeling like#very fragile in their gender or smth and seeing a post like that if they meet a dog that normally hates men but not women but it doesnt#recognize your inherent true gender im sure seeing shit like that post can be a horr#got interrupted by a phone call while typing it and the post is glitching so i cant see where that tag is cut off so uh#dogs are like ppl in that they can develop biases and have bad judgement and they dont always get it right#they are not like ppl in that it is not possible to ask a dog to examine its biases. you cannot make a dog take a class on#critical race theory. you have to work to socialize and desensitize them against those biases or at least make sure those biases theyve#developed dont negatively impact ppl. in this sense i guess im morally obligated to try to learn more spanish to see if it helps my dog#chill. shes nervous around all new ppl but parents have anecdotally noted she extra dislikes men speaking in spanish. she was a stray so we#dont really know her history. she also does Not like fire pokers outside. weirdly even tho its basically the same tool she is unfazed by#the indoor poker for the woodstove? but ig she wouldve had less exposure to indoor woodstoves as a stray in Louisiana?#but i can see like ppl having a little backyard barbecue and threatening the big mastiff looking stray dog with a fire poker and i think#that region of the country prolly has a higher number of spanish speaking ppl than our current residence so the odds of her running into a#spanish speaking guy who isnt very nice are prolly higher just due to a denser population as a whole. and we think shes part mastiff which#i think is a breed already prone to disliking strangers that probably cooked up into a little cocktail in her brain#luckily shes bad enough with All Strangers that i think honestly it would be hard to even notice her bias? but. ig i need to see if i can#desensitize her? idk. sighs but im scared to open duolingo now 😭. but i could maybe do it. when other ppl wear hats she fucking hates it#i wear a fucking face covering mask that looks like a giant eyeball she looks at me a little quizzically but is fine. jester hat? fine#i am like that video of the person desensitizing that horse except thats just like. living w me. minus the cat thing. id never do that to#the cats or dog. everyone would hate that. squirrel already cant tolerate being held while a dog is out cos he THINKS im going to do that.#it would traumatize the dog cos he'd injure me escaping and then prolly her trying to scare her off to get past her and shes just minding#her business. solo i cant hold that long but is less likely to injure anyone. shadow. first of all all 3 are way too heavy to be holding#like that#im getting lost in the tags again sorry im chewing caffeinated gum. i should go try to buy some catnip#ive made my Phone Calls. im gonna try to go get dressed and buy various catnip products. maybe lure him with a toy this time. need my#parents to help me but not be so visibly Ready to help me next time cos i do not want to chase his ass again...
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Found used copies of the blackgaard chronicles books, only to find out the fifth book in the series will arrive A LITERAL WEEK before the other four. Why has god forsaken me?
#I mean#it’s probably because I’m writing gay fanfic about these people-shaped preaching devices#anyway#richard calls Edwin eddie when he’s feeling silly#and calls him Ronnie when he’s feeling mean#Edwin does not like either of these options#but there’s really nothing he can do about it#and my baby boy walter has a ~special scrapbook~#where he puts hand-developed photographs of himself and Edwin and anyone else Edwin so deems worthy#there’s a lot of shots of richard lounging across Edwin’s lap#minimal to no clothing#walter likes to get in there and just tweak their poses until it’s juuuust right#there are far too many shots of Edwin with his fingers in Richard’s mouth#‘it’s evocative!’ ‘I guess I should just be greatful he’s so dedicated to the upkeep of his manicure’#‘I am nothing if not a generous scene partner’ ‘whatever you say’#they bicker like NOTHING ELSE#god I’m having thoughts about these little gay men#odysseyposting
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The Last Essence Lore Post (for now)
I've been itching to talk about Essence plot + other things, but thankfully, this should be the last of the explaining to do!
(Ig it's what happens when a story is set in an original world and is based off of said world's mechanics....)
Asumming you've read the previous posts, let's continue...
ANYWAY, I mentioned those special gift children, right?
They're called vessels, and you've probably seen me throw this word around. In a sense, vessels are any human that has a stable light/dark/abyss energy presence in their bodies. Because of this, they are able to bond with a spirit. The more energy contained in a vessel, the more powerful they are. In modern times.... I'm not sure how many humans are vessels. It's not everyone, but it's not super rare. Still trying to workshop that one. But, humans are also able to quantify energy levels within themselves as a percentage. Think like a blood type, in a way. You're 15% Light, or 23% Dark, etc etc you get it (hopefully)
There's a special type of vessel that is super rare, called a Blend. Blends are a vessel that has an equal concentration of 2 different creation energies. The higher ratio of energy, the more powerful they are. Ex: a 10%/10% Blend is more powerful than a 5%/5%.
With this new pseudo-evolution thingamajig, it was discovered that the elemental spirits and vessels could form bonds with each other. This started as a new fad, but quickly became a way of life, in a sense.
As a refresher:
Bond: the link formed between a vessel and a spirit. For shelter and some nutrients from the vessel to the spirit, the spirit would grant the vessel usage of their powers, and if needed, a weapon, whose form is decided by the spirit.
In order to form a bond, a vessel and spirit partake in a ritual called...... (....name pending. Only now realizing the word choice on that was a 3/10 and 1 thought away from a bad joke. So. Putting that in the workshop).
Essentially this ritual consists of some fancy words/whatnot, and at the end, the somewhat-crystaline heart of the spirit is pushed into the right hand of the vessel, and it travels up the right arm to just below the collarbone. If the bond is successfully made, the heart flies out of the vessel’s chest (no harm done) back into the spirit.
Occasionally, this can fail, and the ramifications haven't quite been decided yet.
But also occasionally, something special can happen. Instinctually, a heart from a spirit can stay within a vessel's body. We call this a True Bond, and a couple things change, mainly:
-the summoned weapon is different, but doesn't change in function. (EX: spirits weapon is a bow. With a true bond, it could become a crossbow.)
-the vessel gains a small pattern of scars on their chest where the heart "tried to fly out"
In Essence, we witness 2 True Bonds happen (at least ones that are planned so far), that being Lily + Omega, as well as Alex + Zephyr.
...and that's it. If you've read all the other posts, congrats! We can....finally....talk about the plot.
Next time, since this post is L O N G oops :)
#O.Dev's Essence#YIPPEE WE DID IT GUYS!!!!#now i can say stuff and it'll kinda make sense!#woooo!!!!#....anyway i have a lot more material for Sunday Six i guess lmfaooooo#tho that shit is SO WIP + constantly in rotation in my head it's bound to change. guess that's why its called WIP ya know#there's a bit more to this but I'll save it for later. Unless someone is really really curious lmao#but that is barely even developed. Like I thought about it 2 weeks ago lmao#but i'm liking it so far. dare say i'm cooking#ANYWAY it's bedtime and i need to eep#askbox is always open to prompt this stuff but otherwise i'll see you guys at the next one hopefully 👋
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Girl like. The reason he said "this is how it should be" and faced death with a smile....is cuz he wanted to die. For 2 years he sat there thinking he was worthless and deserved to die. If he hadn’t be shot, his death would’ve been suicide, he was fully planning to die in a gutter somewhere undetected. When saying "this is how it should be" hes literally saying "don’t cry because I’m dying, my death is a good thing actually because I fucking suck and you are better off without me". I don’t think that’s badass even slightly, it’s actually really sad and really shitty. Shinjiro is so convinced that he deserves to die and hates the idea of anyone giving a shit about him because he literally can’t wrap his mind around the idea that he will be missed when he’s gone, that his death is a bad thing actually. And his last words were meant to be comforting because he fully did not intend for anyone to be there when he died, he intended to die alone, so he says them as a reminder that he’s not worth crying over
Personally, if it were me, if I was holding my dying best friend in my arms who was deeply depressed and suicidal and he said "this is how it should be" uh. I wouldn’t admire him for it??? Like am I losing my mind when I say the way this game handles Shinji is bad or is anyone else seeing this too 😰
#its like okay listen i understand the basic math of any persona game they say things and everything they say is actually#very bad when you think about it for more than 3 seconds#like what theyre intending to do with the death of this character is be like oh no your sad friend dies tragically thats so saddddd#but that doesnt mean you cant live a wonderful life full of meaning you cant let grief consume you life is beautiful awagga#and i guess shinji is a specific character whos used cuz i guess its more tragic that he never realized he was worthy of life and shit#and i guess its also like ‘dont be like this guy who let grief consume him and then died you gotta Be Different’#which i dont. love. that last part cuz if you think about shinji and what led him down this road#its like. of course hes depressed! he accidentally killed a woman with a child when he was 16!#he himself is an orphan and he just made some other kid an orphan as well and it happened cuz his persona went out of control#which very much can translate to ‘this must mean im dangerous and can hurt everyone if im not kept under control’#so of course he isolated himself and believed he was evil and became suicidal like who wouldnt feel that way#like am i supposed to be mad he left sees and took drugs cuz uh while i dont think isolation or Evil Drug is good for his mental health#i dont think him continuing to fight in sees is something he can just easily do again given how he killed someone like he shouldnt have to#be a part of this thing anymore like how would he even safely get castor to not do that??? he cant kill more people on accident!#so yeah like using shinji as an example of bad coping mechanisms is already just. a big fucking oof to me like it just feels like the game#is saying he shouldve gotten over it and simply not be suicidal and stayed on the team. idk if thats the intent but uh it wouldnt faze me#cuz persona games are notoriously awful at writing characters who are traumatized and abused#but what makes everything even worse is how the game kinda like. acts like shinjis death is a stepping stone#like we’re supposed to use it as a wake up call and understand the stakes but keep going on anyways#and akihiko and Ken get. ‘great character development’ according to the game telling you they have now developed#but damn all akihiko is is just repressed he cries for 3 seconds and then is like I SHOULD MAN UP and then neglects a depressed child#shinjis dying words are words to live by now even though they piss me the fuck off like girl am i crazy HES FUCKING#HES TELLING ME NOT TO CRY OVER HIM BECAUSE HE SHOULD BE DEAD ACTUALLY AND THIS IS A GOOD THING ACTUALLY#like if the game wants us to still find meaning in life despite losing someone it just really hurts that shinji has to die for that to work#apparently. cuz the character i see myself in is shinji. not some perfect prettyboy who does everything perfectly and has 4 gfs#his death seems like a punishment for bad behavior. the bad behavior being of course depression and drug use. and im simply supposed to be#better than that if i want to live. and we dont get to form a connection with him cuz thats gayyyyy#and his death is like a NOBLE HEROIC SACRIFICE idk its just such bullshit to me i hate it so bad#how is killing a suicidal guy and then treating it as admirable that he said ‘this is how it should be’ supposed to make me feel#makes me feel sick personally and it ruins the entire game’s theme to me because its fucking shallow and the story is bad and im tired
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did not see myself getting into pet play but here we are :)
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not getting over this one...
#bro...#reading with your eyes closed like#fyodors hubris was his downfall#it was. pretty well established#and honestly i can't think of a single person who actually thinks hes dead. like for real#and dazais survival makes like. a ton of sense#it was already inconsistent. thats why people were theorizing abt it#and like it would not make sense if he died rn#how can you call yourself a dazai fan and not realize him dying would be the stupidest decision ever#itd completely wrecked his arc#but actually i guess you already dont know abt that considering you think hes gotten barely any development lmao#'nobody gets character development' Actually Screaming#everything really didnt depend on dazai. that was like. a big point actually#but since again you didn't recognize fyodors hubris. i guess you didn't pick up on that !#dazai trusts chuuya#INCREDIBLY well established fact#integral to the story#and thats why he doesn't die#and we've all talked about why chuuya is MORE than capable of pulling this shit off like#aughhhhh#aethers rants
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Headcanons about the train station
Since I'm thinking about making my farmer an artist I decided to look at some places in the game from a more artistic perspective, although I'm not exactly the most philosophical person.
Basically, I'm trying to nail Thad's voice down so I've written a small analysis of the train station area from his perspective.
The train station, another potential way out of town that just didn't truly work. Being here makes him feel even more isolated, proof that you can't leave the town for good, not by travelling nor dying. While the station is technically functional and trains are passing through, he never saw any of them stop here. Ever. Plus there was something here too, especially in the bathhouse - just lurking, waiting for an opportunity.
He only visited the bathhouse once, immediately after the landslide was cleared. He couldn't relax at all despite nothing happening - there was something watching him, stalking him. The odd angles of the walls means that he could never see the entire room from any spot and the milky white water could hide anything in it's depths. He was tense at all times, could feel his magic tingling under his skin, ready to lash out at any sign of danger.
The worse part was that he can't figure out what is actually there. It isn't a one of his own, not a dark creature or a corrupted being nor a ghost or anything undead. He would be able to tell in that case since his own magic is so similar. It's not a fairy, they would never accept someone to just walk through their territory like that. Nothing related to the forest magic that's all over the valley either, since there isn't a single plant in the building. What else could it be? Until he could figure out what creature is there he decided to avoid the bathhouse.
But that doesn't mean he can't visit the train station. There is a constant theme of being out of place here that he loves. There's the ever avoided bathhouse - oddly luxurious and clean despite no one ever visiting, a perfect trap if it wouldn't be so obvious. Then there's Susan, originally from Grampleton and not quite integrated into Pelican Town, still longing for her old home and for somewhere else, constantly travelling in search for that place but never finding it. And then there are the trains. They don't belong here and they know it. They would never stop here and they would never allow anyone from this station to climb onboard.
But his favourite part was the oddly placed adventurer graveyard, full of heroes forgotten by the townspeople despite giving their lives for the town's safety, unmourned and left to rot. Obviously he likes spending time in the graveyard, especially with how overgrowned and abandoned it is. But he especially likes walking on the train tracks and looking up at the graveyard, sometimes he could barely see a shadow pass between the headstones, mourning their wasted lives and their defeat at the hands of the dark magic now keeping then prisoners here, with the same mountain they died fighting in slowly eating their graves and bones and souls. Eventually they would realize they have never actually escaped the mines.
Standing in certain places around the area he can still feel the dark energy of the mine, calling for him to go inside. Always hungry, always promising something - riches, glory, adventure, or in Marlon's case forgiveness for the mistakes and the guild of the past. Everything to gain new victims. It's slowly eating at the wards Magnus placed around it knowing that it will outlast every single person here, that it will eventually win.
He's sure that even the townspeople can feel it's pull. He can sometimes see in some dark nights how someone will glance towards the mountains and quickly look away, and he can feel how cold fear spreads around the saloon when someone mentions it, even with the room full of people and bright lights, and all the warming alcohol being passed around.
#the graveyard became cursed as i was writing this#i like the idea of the pelican town mine being a weaker version of the badlands basically#but slowly growing in strenght#i want to develop the idea further and give backstories to the adventurers here#but i will wait for the castle village update first#this is actually basically the second part of the fic#if you can call it a fic#the first one is about the bus station#farmer thad#this got darker than i expected#but i guess it makes sense considering his magic
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average bruce zoom moment:
bruce mcculloch: so i was thinking about your character aubrey aubergine the other day... (notices my facial expression) why are you smiling like that, i haven't even finished the sentence?
me: (trying so hard to be normal) you just referred to my character???? by name?????? and said you think about my comedy???? even when i'm not around??????
#it's seriously a wonder we got anything done on today's zoom lmao this was a recurring experience#like yes i know developing comedy with industry people is normal for you but to me this feels genuinely unbelievable!!!#also it's wild bc we've both realized our personalities are very similar so at this point bruce can pretty much guess how i'll respond#he said it's like giving advice to his younger self#but also when i was explaining my convoluted writing process for generating aubrey material he just went ''god you're fascinating''#like hell yeah i got called fascinating by mr pajamas LMAO#also apparently he hypes me up to his friends lmao#like yesterday he was talking to some of his collaborators and said ''i get to talk to my mentee again tomorrow she's so cool!!''
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did i mention the name thing yet abt him btw or is that just my freak imagination
#he finds being called his first name too personal so only few ppl can call him that ill give you a guess as to who#but everybody else hewould actually genuinely hit them if they dared#so it kind of develops into a thing where ppl actually just start assuming thats his name and he genuinely doesnt care bc it stops ppl from#trying to be too familiar w him && calling him by his first#📗 my post#🧯 overhalliday (s/i)#&& then i post him wailing to kiriko
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That still gets you elven Sam Vimes, complaining that the poor stay poor because they're forced to buy cheap human shoes, which they'll have to replace in just a few decades, while the rich can afford a proper dwarven pair and not worry until 12 or 15 centuries later.
#i'm now picturing a world where the human word for “master” is derived fromt the dwarven word for “apprentice”#or i guess “journeyman” is more appropriate?#like there'd be a point in an apprenticeship where you've learned enough of the basics#and you're sent off to the world to find out other peoples' techniques#before you can come back and spend a few decades practicing and refining what you learned#so that you can develop your own style#and THEN you can one day call yourself a master#but most humans never get to learn about that
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