#i guess we never learn/lh+j

[loosesodamarble]

The Truth About Marx's Magic

Tagging @luminouslion because Melissa is the resident Marx lover.

Memory Magic or Communication Magic? That is the question.

Now because Marx is a character that's pretty far into the background most of the time, he doesn't get many chances to appearance use his magic. Let's review what we know of Marx's Magic.

Marx can read/project the memories of others as well as force them to speak truthfully.

Marx's memory reading is infallible. (Do take the statement with a grain of salt since we've only seen this spell used to its fullest twice[-ish]. And the spell was only used on people who had their memories protected/sealed and not altered in some way.)

One of Marx's spell can erase the most recent memories of an individual (although the spell never successfully landed on the intended target [Yami] so we never actually saw it used).

Marx's magic can be used to project his visual image and his voice to others (primarily Julius!) in order to perform long distance communication without the use of a magic tool.

The image and sound projection isn't limited to one-on-one either. In episode 151 of the anime, it's called out that it's thanks to Marx's magic specifically that allows the whole kingdom to view the captains' battle. (Note: this is an anime original event and will be coming up later.)

So Marx's magic deals both with memories and communicating with others. It's been referred to as Memory and Communication (to most people's recollection from what I've gathered). But which is it exactly?

The answer?

NEITHER! It's neither Memory nor Communication Magic.

Let me explain.

The first place to look for information about Marx's magic attribute was the original manga. Luckily for me, I have both the original Japanese volumes as well as the English translations of the manga (up to volume 35 in JPN and up to 32 in ENG as of the writing of this post).

However... Looking through both the Japanese and English, I found out that while explanations and references to the powers of Marx's magic were made, there was never any instance of Marx calling out a spell name and with it his magic attribute (as is customary when a spell is written in the manga).

But then I remembered an ace I had.

Volume 16.5: Marque-page de Grimoire. It's essentially a databook for the series up to volume 16 (thus being 16.5). And in this volume we get profiles and information about various characters in Black Clover, which includes their place of origin, their likes, their ability parameters, and of course their magic attribute. And what is Marx's attribute listed as in his profile?

記憶交信。(pronounced ki-oku kou-shin)

Okay, I know most people on my blog don't understand Japanese so this means nothing to you.

記憶交信 isn't a singular word unto itself but two words put together. 記憶 means "memory, recollection, remembrance." 交信 means "telecommunication, correspondence." So essentially it's "memory correspondence" magic. And that tracks with what Marx's magic is capable of: it effects and interacts with memories as well as allows for long distance correspondence.

Or perhaps a better way to put it is that Marx's magic allows memories to be communicated. Memories are communicated when he uses the spell that reads them. So when Marx projects image and sound, it's as though he's sharing his immediate, in-the-making memories. If that makes sense...

Anyways.

I can further back this up with content from the anime. Specifically the movie. Remember how Conrad stole Marx's magic? Well look at what Conrad says about it.

記憶交信。

But that's in Japanese. So what's the actual English translation?

In the English subtitles, Marx's magic is referred to as Memory Exchange Magic.

See again the movie.

Or we can look to episode 38 of the anime.

As for why it's called "Memory Exchange" and not "Memory Correspondence" or "Memory Communication" Magic, it's simply a matter of some translation liberties. "Exchange" is a synonym for "conversation." You have an exchange when you talk with someone. And when you have a conversation, you communicate your thoughts with that other person. Thus the use of "exchange" rather than "correspondence/communication" in Marx's magic attribute to convey what it does.

But if it was always Memory Exchange Magic, why do people recall Marx's magic being just "Memory" or "Communication" Magic?

Is it a case of the subtitles saying "Memory Exchange" but the dub saying only "Memory"? No actually. If you listen to the dub of episode 38 and the movie, they will say "Memory Exchange" directly. (I'd share the sound clip myself but I have zero idea how to isolate a snippet of video and all that so anyone reading this will have to go see for themselves that I'm not making this up.) I think the "just Memory" recollection of the fandom is a result of the human mind making things easy on itself. Why remember two words when you could remember one and still get the same idea essentially? Thus, the fandom remembers only "Memory Magic" rather than "Memory Exchange Magic."

As for "Communication Magic"... Remember episode 151? Well within that episode, Julius refers to Marx's magic as 通信 (tsuu-shin) magic. Which is translated as "Communication Magic."

What created this discrepancy in the anime though?

The timing of releases.

Where was Marx's magic first named? In the 16.5 volume. Which was released on May 2 of 2018.

The next thing to be released was episode 38 of the anime. And when did it originally air? June 26 of 2018.

Episode 151 didn't air until November 10, 2020.

Now I don't know how far in advance Studio Piero was making episode 38 to the original air date. And since I'm not doing an in-depth research paper on this topic, I only took a cursory glance online to see that a general estimate is 2 months minimum. Could’ve been a longer period, can’t say for certain.

So... It's possible that Tabata was in the process of putting together the information for volume 16.5 while Studio Piero was in the midst of working on episode 38 and when it came to scripting the episode, they wanted to use proper names for Marx’s Magic rather than silently skipping over it like the manga. While Tabata isn't normally involved in the anime's production, the production team might've consulted him on the matter since they had nothing to go off of in the manga. And that's when Tabata could've shared the intended name for Marx's magic.

Then, later on, when episode 151 was being made, the content was an anime original. Tabata wasn't directly involved and the production team might not have consulted with Tabata during that time. Leading to the name of Marx's magic attribute being called the wrong thing.

And earlier this year, we got the Black Clover movie. And the movie does correctly call Marx's magic Memory Exchange. See, unlike the TV anime where Tabata wasn't really involved, he was the chief supervisor of the film. So while not directly in charge of the script, he likely would've been able to review it and make sure that Marx's magic was referred to by the right name.

With that, the post is over. I've officially explained the truth about Marx Francois' magic!

Sorry to make this so long and rambly. I just had a bit of fun solving this kinda sorta fandom mystery. But now we all know the truth.

Marx has Memory Exchange Magic~!

[vanillashusband]

Speaking Clearly

Word count: 1034 words Fandom: Cookie Run Relationship(s): Jay/Strawberry Cream Cookie A/N: YIPPIE!!! Very quick and short one-shot to help myself get back into the swing of writing after artfight! :D Maybe ooc and fluffy as hell but GOT DAMN!!! I need it hgjfhj /lh gotta give more love to the autism4autism ship 👉👈🥺

🧡TAGLIST: @selfshippinglover @honeycombscereal @tulaytullahs @sunstar-of-the-north @sunflawyer

"Can you teach me to read?" Strawberry Cream Cookie asked quietly. His clear and gentle voice, like a bell, carried a note of hope.

The Holiday Cookie inched a little closer to him on the floor as Jay bashfully hid his face in the book he was studying. Strawberry Cream wanted him to teach him of all people? Jay did want to help but...

"I… I don't know, Strawberry Cream Cookie." He muttered uncertainly. He kept his eyes on the pages of his book so he didn't have to look at Strawberry Cream Cookie directly. The fox-like Cookie stared at him curiously, his big grey eyes trying to read his face and expression as he waited for the answer. "I wish I could help… but I'm not the best teacher," Jay answered sadly. Strawberry Cream Cookie didn't miss a beat.

"I think you're really smart, Baker." He said, his eyes finally leaving Jay's face, and trailing down to his lap almost bashfully. "If you and Stollen Cookie helped me study, I could pass the exam." Strawberry Cream Cookie replied.

"Well… If I helped, you would fail for sure." Jay tried to joke lightly, but Strawberry Cream Cookie just stared at him, the self-deprecating humour going over his head.

"Why?" He asked with a tilt of his head.

"U-Uh… I-I- because..!" Jay stammered nervously, unable to come up with an excuse. He quickly clammed up, and his face flushed in embarrassment. Jay hid in his book. "I… it's because…" He whined quietly in frustration.

He was getting way too comfortable with these Cookies. There was no way Jay could let it slip about his "problem," it was way too embarrassing to admit. Especially since Strawberry Cream Cookie said that he thought he was smart.

"J-Just… because. I can't." Jay finished weakly. Strawberry Cream Cookie stared at him and blinked. He scooted closer, his shoulder pressing against Jay's in a small act of reassurance.

"You… can tell me. I promise I won't tell anyone." He said quietly. Jay paused and stared at Strawberry Cream Cookie over the top of his book uncertainly, attempting to find some fault in his face. Still, the Holiday Cookie's eyes only held patience and curiosity.

Jay sighed and glanced around sheepishly. The landing of the stairwell where they had retreated to study was empty and quiet. No other Cookies or teachers were around. Well, if there was one Cookie he could tell his secret that would understand his struggles, it would be Strawberry Cream Cookie.

"Ok… just don't laugh, alright?" Jay mumbled. Strawberry Cream Cookie's ears perked in surprise.

"I would never laugh at you…" He replied softly. These words caused Jay to blush, and his heart began to race. Anxiously, he swallowed and mustered the courage to speak.

"I- actually… u-uhm… I-I actually have a learning disability. I… have trouble reading, spelling, and doing math too." Jay admitted meekly. "S-So-! Don't feel bad for struggling, c-cause I get it!" He stuttered. Strawberry Cream Cookie's eyes widened in surprise and he looked back at Jay, but he remained silent. His expression made Jay's stomach twist with anxiety, immediately making him regret saying anything at all. After what felt like forever, Strawberry Cream Cookie slowly nodded in understanding.

"… We're alike." He whispered, turning away from Jay, hiding the blush dusting his cheeks. "We both struggle a lot." Strawberry Cream Cookie said.

"Yeah, I guess so." Jay chuckled awkwardly to try to lighten the mood and soothe his own anxiety.

"But… despite that, you're still so smart. I still want you to help me study. You understand what it's like." Strawberry Cream Cookie went on. The distant droning of voices further in the school did nothing to drown his soft voice echoing through the quiet landing of the stairwell. Strawberry Cream Cookie turned slightly toward Jay, locking eyes with him. His warm, gray eyes shimmered with sincerity as he gently placed his hand on Jay's and gave it a tender squeeze. Jay's face grew redder by the second but he was unable to look away from Strawberry Cream Cookie's affectionate gaze.

"Please…?" Strawberry Cream Cookie pleaded softly. "We can learn together." He said. Strawberry Cream Cookie's eyes softened as he gazed at Jay, smiling at him as he watched Jay's face flush even darker than before. It was as if he saw something sweet behind Jay's embarrassed expression. It made Strawberry Cream Cookie chuckle softly and Jay's heart fluttered in his chest.

Jay couldn't resist any longer and pouted shyly, tearing his eyes away from Strawberry Cream Cookie's expectant look. "Ok, ok… I'll help." Jay sighed. "You can stop giving me puppy-dog eyes now." He said. Strawberry Cream Cookie smiled brightly at him and Jay felt his heart skip a beat at the sight.

"Thank you, Baker." Strawberry Cream Cookie replied gratefully. The fox-like Cookie wasted no time cuddling up against Jay's side and resting his chin on his shoulder, peering at the book in his hands. Jay blushed and tried to focus on the words on the page rather than Strawberry Cream Cookie's closeness.

"U-Uh… yeah. No problem." Jay answered hesitantly. "I-I guess we can start by me reading to you. It's easier to get the hang of pronouncing words when you hear them spoken out loud first." He suggested. Strawberry Cream Cookie nodded eagerly in agreement. Jay adjusted his position, moving closer to Strawberry Cream Cookie for comfort, and positioned the book so they both could see as he began reading aloud. Strawberry Cream Cookie listened intently to Jay's voice and followed along silently, mouthing the words as Jay spoke. Even when Jay stuttered or had trouble pronouncing a word, he continued to listen attentively and carefully. Strawberry Cream Cookie was mesmerized.

Jay was surprised at how easy it was to do this with Strawberry Cream Cookie, especially since he usually got embarrassed and disheartened when he often messed up while speaking. They were so different and yet somehow so similar at the same time. It was like Strawberry Cream Cookie knew exactly what Jay needed. It made Jay feel warm inside, and it warmed his heart whenever he thought of how caring and understanding Strawberry Cream Cookie was.

[trenchcoatsbi]

hmmmmm maybe gonna regret this in the morning but what the hell I trust you guys the most about this

so um. I may have discovered that I’m plural?a few weeks (maybe a little over a month??) ago

the current train of thought is that I’m/We’re a median and either mono- or hydra- conscious system, which can be summarized as ‘idendty? What’s that? All we know is confusion’ /lh

uhhhh yeah I don’t really know what else to say. Um, we just felt like if there was anyone we could tell it would be the very awesome people on the blog :] it’s very lonely to not let anybody know about stuff that affects all of you (the reason it was easier before was because Nemesis hadn’t made themself known /j)

so yeah. I guess you guys apparently knew more silly guys then anybody fucking let on (<- apparently there were guys in heere who knew about this for months and never fuxking told us)

(Also Nemesis was getting annoyed at us not telling anybody and wanted to introduce themself later) - Voidling Not!Anon (no idea whos fronting as usual ;-; ) also sorry about spelling I figured out how to access the website on my phone and it’s a little past 1 am here lol

FOR MONTHS.... MAN...

but anyway, hell yeah we support you! And we'd also love to meet all of you if any of your headmates wanna chime in and say stuff :) HI NEMESIS!!! HI!!!

genuinely though kings, plurality is very very complicated and trenchcoat blog will be here for you when the going gets tough!

i don't think i can say much else about it because i can't imagine how complicated or confusing it must be, seeing as i'm a singlet. and i don't want to pretend i do. i just wanna let you know youre safe here! and that we'd be curious to learn more about how shit went o/

[thejademountaincollective]

BOO!!!

We’re very new to tumblr so I hope we’re doing this right

Hi there!! We’re the Jade Mountain Collective (Or The Breached SYS or the Reputation system (we’re basically just collecting system names LMAO) )

Uh this is just a little intro thingy but we don’t plan to post much on here but maybe some art sometimes!!

Here’s some about us

• We’re an absolute wings of fire enthusiast and honestly. If you say one thing about it we will never. Ever. Stop talking /hj

• please use tagtones with us (if you interact) Becuz it’s so hard to tell tones ☹️

• we use “☹️” as a sad joke like we’re jokingly sad (aswell as 😨,😃,😰 and any angry emoji)

• fictkin! Our biggest kins are Snowfall (Wings of fire) and Vanny (FNAF SB) !!

•aswell we’re a therian and otherkin, our theriotypes are Norwegian forest cat, Arctic fox and our otherkins are a sandwing and water Na’vi

• LIV LAUGH LUV TAYLOR SWIFT 🫶 (uh I might have hyper fixated a little too much on her cuz uh we have a factive of her.. LMAO /lh)

• system of (maybe?) 25 !!

•hyper fixation is wings of fire but just fixation is FNAF- we are very (very) confused about the lore but it’s all good cuz we got the basics!

• we practice witchcraft!! We’re like a year or two into it and still have alot to learn but it is something we do!!!

•I am so normal about Vanny and Vanessa. So normal you wouldn’t believe how normal. So very normal. You couldn’t even guess that I wasn’t normal about them because that’s how normal I am. And this little paragraph is so normal and it’s not normal to do this. Because I’m so normal about vanny and Vanessa /silly /j

• we do regress sometimes, depends on the alter for little age but mostly it’s 1-7!! (Both voluntary and involuntary)

• Cassie (an alter) has made her own blog! I’ll tag it here for him :3 @l1ttl3-c4ss13

Frequent fronters are…!!

Vanessa- FNAF SB fictive- memory holder- she/celeste/flash- age 23 -🔦

And uh.. another Vanessa - FNAF movie - she/her/they - age 19-25- 🌌

Cassie- FNAF SB - co-host, anger holder,little - he/she/him/her - 4-6 age range - 🌈

Onyx/Gwen - no source - host, persecutor -star/ vamp/jelly/stars/shine -🌧️

Vanny- FNAF SB - protector in general - void/she/ insert name -🔪

Gwen- into/across the spiderverse - unsure of role- she/web/paw- 🕸️

DNI BELOW

Thanks so much for the banner Vine!!

Proshippers

Endo “systems” and supporters

Transphobes, homophobes etc

Ableists

NSFW pages

Pages with no pfp, bio and no posts will be blocked (assuming your a bot)

Christians (they just make us uncomfy! Nothing against their religion just not great experiences!!!)

If you’re uncomfy with swearing- this is just for your own comfort!!! We tend to swear a lot and have no impulse control so it comes out automatically

I think that might be it for now so uh yippee!!

- Vanessa (🌌) and Onyx (🌧️)

[aelwynabernantsorb]

Oh I have never done this before I don’t know what I’m doing tangerine ily you’ve thrown me into the deep end here /lh/hj

Favourite colour: I always say yellow because it’s “the happiest colour” and I think that’s me trying to do some weird psychology shit to make myself happier and failing, but I do like pale pink. And this depends on who’s fronting so also just throw the whole rainbow in there, both for the gays and for my indecisiveness.

Relationship status: we’re horribly aroace except for one (1) lesbian alter, but romance would conflict with too much of our… Existence (?) too that we’ve steered away from it. Is our aroaceness autism in disguise? Maybe. Is it the label I’m sticking with? Yes. For now. So we are completely single and not ready to mingle because we also have anxiety. <3

Currently Consuming: well I am still in bed right now but the last thing I ate was like. The last half of an energy bar that was just on my bedside table at midnight after a ttrpg game, because if I went downstairs and woke my dog then all hell would break loose.

Last song: “Please, Please, Let Me Get What I Want.” By The Smiths. I’ve been playing the same dnd character playlist on different shuffles for like a week. Probably more.

Three ships: IM GOING TO GIVE YOU OBSCURE ONES BECAUSE I DO NOT PANDER TO THE PUBLIC OPINION (/j) so, Barkshadow (Ragh Barkrock/Zayn Darkshadow from fantasy high) because cute and they deserve it and I don’t know if I created it but I certainly think I did, Evernant (Penelope Everpetal/Aelwyn Abernant from fantasy high) because crack angst ship and Aelwyn doesn’t deserve it but, like her parents, I take joy in torturing that girl. And finally Figayda (Fig Faeth/Ayda Aguefort from fantasy high) because it’s cute, the word gay is in the middle of it, and dating your principal’s daughter is a bomb ass power move from Fig I’ll have you know.

First ship: I don’t know what this is asking so I’ll write the first ship I ever read on ao3, which was Ginny/Luna, and I’ve forgotten the ship name and I read it on ao3 because there was nothing on Wattpad and young me was upset over it. I can’t remember any of the ships I read on Wattpad except Logan/Virgil from Sanders Sides because. I don’t know honestly, don’t judge me.

Currently working on: Oh god. Oh god. Not my wips. Don’t call me out about my mountain of wips. However, here’s a smaller list of what I’m actively working on:

My gift piece for the D20 gift exchange! Which I will not say on tumblr because 👀 you ain’t getting my secrets.

A Christmas Contrition: which is. Just a Fantasy High a Christmas Carol AU. Aelwyn is Scrooge and has to learn to be kinder and not focus so badly on her studies. Aguefort is Marley and is definitely messing with her but she doesn’t know that. Why did I write this? Good question! But I reached the 6k mark yesterday and am planning on having the first stave out on Christmas. So yay?

The Past Tense of Fly is Flu (Flew): Adaine is sick with a virus that attacks divinatory magic. Adaine, being the unknowing elven oracle, has a lot of that. You can guess how it goes (spoiler, it goes badly. But Aelwyn helps her so that’s a plus)

Little Sister: just a small one shot of Adaine age regressing after an argument with her father, and a confused and exasperated Aelwyn trying to get her out from under her fucking desk.

There are so many more but those are the main ones, and I’ll probably write some more pieces about my dnd and ttrpg characters when I have time (I don’t have time.)

Ummm @adaineabernantsfrog @wrenrix and @shipsthatcouldshowyouthestars I thinkkkk

tag game: 9 people you'd like to get to know better

thank you!! @pomegranates-and-onyx and @lowoliet!!! <3 I'm missed doing these tbh. I reordered the items so the sequence makes more sense xoxo

Favorite color: I usually say purple but I don't really feel that strongly

Relationship status: lmaoo I'm aro (greyro-ish?). I actually have long thought I would like to fake-date/date for fun, but just the other day went "I still haven't kissed anybody and I know plenty of ppl have a 1st older than me but tbh I don't think I ever will". Other than that, I've got a few friends I really like, a few friends I kinda don't, and some people in between. Solid nuclear family tho 👍

Currently consuming (eating, by the looks of the trend): Waiting on a response from a friend to see if her cookies (mint & chocolate) are tree nut-free. I hope I can eat them; they look great.

Last song: "Capital M-E" by Taking Back Sunday (I cheated a little b/c last night I listened to a bunch of random songs lol)

Current watching: Dan and Phil? Hbomb's latest video? theoretically, Death Note, Cunk on Earth, and Akira and Akira.

Last movie: Die Hard haha

Three ships: lawlight, tntduo … hm, Arthur/Eames from Inception is a favorited Ao3 tag I do regularly go back to

First ship: Not *too* sure either but I think it HAS to be Snowbaz b/c of the Fangirl -> Tumblr blog stalker thing & that book introducing me to fandom (whoops, that 'thing's not universal knowledge... after Fangirl I scoured Rainbow Rowell's blog which led me to gingerhaze.tumblr.com (he did the cover art) and b/c I couldn't read Nimona online I read his blog instead. b4 that I only went to youtube.com and minecraft.net) WAIT NO. I've always considered genderswapped Johnlock (SheJane) to be my first ship hahaha. (yes, it had to be genderswapped. reality was different back then)

Currently working on: sooo *twirls hair* there's these Hamlet scene analyses (plural)... that were due today.... also some Calc I think... my portfolio for a writing contest... Blind Justice Light Yagami drawing, if the motivation holds. And my Death Note fics I listed here :D

tagging @detective-horse-girl @l3mon-boy @cmstyles19 @sophaeros @i-could-bee-an-angel & seconding @drfurter well @novaliae I know you pretty well but you too of course :) no pressure to anybody if you'd rather not do it tho! & feel free to join in the fun and let me know u would like to foster mutual affection :D

[anchoviesinthenightsky]

Do you have a kin list Eli?

this was one of the first things I saw this morning, and I genuinely can't tell you how many reiterations I've gone through trying to answer this. I'm frazzled. I'm perplexed. I feel unbelievably old, and I've spent far more time on Urban Dictionary this morning than I care to admit.

I might also be making an assumption here, but I think you may be younger than me, anon. So you may not have had the inevitable experience of seeing young people using a term that, try as you might, you simply do not understand. Only to be directly asked about the term you've been avoiding for years now. I can't describe the feeling. It's somewhere between cursed and resignation. (I want to put a tone indicator but I simply cannot think of how to describe my tone right now. It's like... incredulous, lost, good humored, in good spirits, amused by my own lack of understanding. I guess /j /lh /nsrs /t ?)

The actual answer to your question I think is just no, I do not.

The true answer to your question is, I have been running from the term kinned for what feels like three years (but probably has only been a year or so). My thing is, I get the distinct feeling that kin and otherkin mean two very different things, and that kin (despite being derived from other kin) is like... a lighter, milder version of it. But I don't understand what degree to which it's milder. Is it just liking a character? Is it vibing with a character? Is it feeling like you relate strongly to a character? Or is it full on "I am this character"? I understand what otherkin means, but the vagueness/broadness of kin has always confused me.

This ofc is not on you anon. It's an inevitability of being 25+ on the internet. The other day I saw a tiktok of Hank Green saying he just learned that iykyk meant "if you know you know" and that it wasn't just like new way of laughing (iyik-yik) and he ended the tiktok saying "I have never felt closer to death." Anon, I have never felt closer to death, and I do not understand kinning at all. And I feel like I've failed you /hj

I think, okay, but I do want to try to actually answer your question. So if we can use a term I do know, like, if we're talking about... comfort characters?? My comfort characters are: Alberto for sure. Crowley (Good Omens), 9 (Doctor Who), Jack (DW), 13 (DW)

(and then paranorman and into the spiderverse are two of my comfort movies. rilakkuma and kaoru, hilda, DW, and merlin are some of my comfort tv shows.)

[ughgclden]

bee, love, i am so happy you had a good first day, you deserve calm and loving days, and you deserve people, deserve friends. i’m so happy for you.

as for apologising, i’m a terrible hypocrite every time i tell you not to worry about it, as i also apologise for anything, most notably existing, but i want you to know you don’t have to apologise to me, i understand the impulse but there’s no obligation or anything.

i’m glad you’re feeling better, and that it was just a little ick, well not glad that you were ick but glad it wasn’t too bad.

when it comes to being in welton, i fantasise a lot about these things, i think something especially about boarding schools is appealing to me. being away. that’s why my plans are new york or wales or if my friend is to be believed, quebec. sometimes though, those realities all feel more and more like tissue paper soaked in water, just waiting for a reason to fall apart

i read really quickly, it’s probably an issue, i read red white and royal blue in about an hour and fifteen minutes. neil and i. kindred spirits. today at lunch i watched the last thirty minutes of dead poets society, going back to rewatch “i was good, i was really good.” like ten times.

imposter syndrome is slowly getting the better of me.

i actually dressed up as leia for the midnight premiere of the force awakens. i’m that person. if i’d been with you in the cinema i would have cried too, you’re not alone there, i cried watching it on the floor.

i don’t deserve the nice words you give me, but i’m happy i make you feel comfy and cosy, and ironically enough, writing with a quill or fountain pen never ends in pristine and unsmudged ink, you can thank my being left handed for that. i think there’s something nice about writing with fancy pens, maybe that makes me seem pretentious as well. oh well.

as for dps tattoos, if i can ever get any tattoos, i want the neil crown, “i was good, i was really good.” somewhere, probably my wrist who knows, and some art that alludes to the first unmanned flying desk set. among others. the “and still we sleep” thought, and the outline of meeks and pitts both sound so lovely. so so lovely. i really hope you can get every tattoo you wish. although your bank account may hate me for saying so /j i want more piercings, mainly on my ears, i have something of an earring addiction, my favourite pair at the moment is probably my howl drop earrings that look like howls from howls moving castle.

honestly the outfit/hair colour distraction rule is dumb. it’s dumb. i just don’t get it. abuse of power ig. and yeah. we were like hugging and sorta just leaning on each other while talking and the administrator got angry, for whatever reason. the straight couple making out behind us, she didn’t seem to mind, however. it’s dumb, and im glad i don’t go there anymore.

im clearly very articulate today (sarcasm) my mind is ehhhhhhhhhhh and feels like a squirrel laying on its stomach.

maybe i will call you ramona flowers, bee /j did you know the original name for pac man was puck man… /j hiding in the back of the music room to avoid a maths test sounds like something i would do. i say this, knowing full well that i’m such a neil kinnie that i end up feeling like a teachers pet because i want to do well, both for myself and simply to avoid trouble with my mum.

a new york times best seller, huh? well if i ever publish anything i’ll dedicate it to you, both for being the only person who thought i could be a storyteller, but also for being a lovely person in general.

sometimes one day after another feels impossible. tomorrow feels impossible. but oh well. i think younger me would be disappointed, to some degree. on the other hand, i think they’d think it’s cool how much i know. if nothing else, they’d love that i have a typewriter. also, i’m sure young you would be proud of you, i am. i’m so proud of you.

i mean bee, i could teach you to shoot a bow /hj YOU CAN WIELD A SWORD????? here i was thinking you could not possibly get cooler or hotter omg i’m in love /hj

thank you for being proud of me, really bee, thank you. and thank you for being the only one. i’m hardly changing the world, but i guess if i don’t burn out and lose this fight, changing a few points of views in the process of growing wouldn’t be terrible.

p.s. it’s certainly something, i feel bad because i always pull away from people when i get numb and it’s so new that me doing that could be detrimental to everything, but me forcing myself not to could have a bad effect on me. who knows what’ll happen. i’m just gonna try and keep them happy no matter what.

p. p. s. bee you brought this upon yourself /lh

all my love, bee, and that pun was the out of this world part of that sentence. you’re so cute omg.

that quote is beautiful, and since i, once again, had to translate french and smile about it, i’ll leave you with this

no importa que nos separe la distancia, siempre habrá un mismo cielo que nos una.

p.p.p.s. thank you for saying what you do, and i know that i don’t owe you anything, but writing to you is easy, and makes me happy, when i manage to get myself to sit down and think about it. i’m sending you back hugs, gentle forehead kisses and mugs of tea, a soft blanket and a narnia movie marathon, where we argue about how i am definitely not better than susan pevensie, but you almost certainly might be.

i’m so happy uni is going well thus far, love. and i hope you love your classes. learning.

thank you for everything bee.

yours, always,

star✨

star sweetheart, thank you so so much, honestly. i can't tell you how much that means - i know you said not to apologise, but an apology seems in order for the lateness of this message- im terrible i know /lh thank you sm though.

i'm writing this whilst listening to one of my favourite albums (hypersonic missiles by sam fender, if you were curious) and curled up in bed, so this really adds to the comforting vibes.

i'm with you on that, boarding schools do have a certain something about them, don't they? i hope you can get to one or all of these places in your life - i can speak from experience wales is especially beautiful, but i can really see you in new york, too. wherever you end up star, i truly hope you're happy there.

an hour and fifteen mins?!!? the fastest i've read something was a clockwork orange in two and a half hours or so- you are so strong star, i've watched that film 20+ times and only watched the last half an hour maybe 4 /lh

that is SO CUTE oh my god- i will admit, for it chapter two i did channel my inner bill denbrough and wore some flannel (i luv that limbo <3)

you deserve all of these words and more, i promise you. you deserve something a lot less clumsy, but i offer you my best. left handed.. you rly are neil huh? /j

all of those ideas; absolutely lovely. the i was good tattoo breaks my heart in the best way possible. im hoping you get all of these tattoos, love. you'd suit them more than anyone, i'm sure. those earrings sound like the coolest fucking things ever? i did have a pair that had a little vodka bottle on, but i lost one in a club and haven't gotten round to replacing them. i definitely want more piercings too,, my conch is looking pretty bare as of late...

that is just. so disgusting? im so- god that makes me so angry i can't even explain. i think i should punch all homophobes straight in the mouth, actually /hj

love, i bet younger you would be so so proud of all you've achieved. from only what you've told me, i am. they'd be over the moon at how intellectual, kind and strong you are, i know it.

I CAN!!! ITS ONE OF MY MOST ESTEEMED TALENTS!!! lets make a deal. you teach me to shoot a bow, i teach you to wield a sword.. we're giving very narnia power couple if i may say.. /hj

i will always be proud of you star, for even the smallest of things you achieve. you're actively making a difference and a change, take bringing this positivity into my life for example. you've got this, star. i know you have.

ps; im wishing you all the best my love, seriously. take every day as it comes, and listen to your mind and wellbeing. im sending you so much love

pps; that quote. is so fucking cute. god im breaking down,, its so pretty and so DHJHFJKNFKKN yeah.

this is me, making you a cup of coffee and your favourite comfort meal, with a kiss on the top of the head. we will have this argument - as much as i love susan, she's no match for you <33

all of my love and happiness, star. you truly are one of a kind.

if i may, i'd like to leave you with an excerpt from a poem i saw earlier that i fell in love with;

"and you laugh. / loudly- / head tipping back. / and while your eyes / are on the ceiling, / i am mouthing / something too heavy even / for this steady night to shoulder. / "this is not a joke." i mouth. / "love me. love me." - letters from medea, salma deera