Unrequited ━ V (V for Vendetta) x Reader
tw: v being obsessed, unrequited love, obsession, murder, non-con kissing, non-con touching, angst, this is something I wrote in -like- a really short time, plus english is not my first language- sorry
Terrifying. If I had to use one word to describe V, it would be 'terrifying'. He was tall, always dressed in black; with the mask of an icy smile, drawn like a deep cut on the white surface. He was the image of an idea, not even of a human, and yet I had come to like him even a little. It wasn't impossible to love him; it was just complicated. We would coincide in mundane situations as one who shares a special moment with a friend, we would look into each other's eyes -or where I thought he would have them- and we would extend the same hand to seal a pact. An implicit agreement that implied union, loyalty and affection. I considered V as part of my family; even if for him that term was alien to his principles, and therefore incompatible with his nature.
Betrayal, unfortunately, never comes from the enemy.
The Gallery of Shadows was awash with a soft melody. I had to maneuver the jukebox to reduce the words to a murmur, until I hit the echo of footsteps that were alien to the song. A new melody; a particular rhythm. When I turned around, V was standing in front of me.
''What brings you here, dear friend?'' he asked with strange tension in his voice, ''I thought you'd be busy tonight?''
I hid my hands in my pants pockets. I hid the trembling to my fingertips, the fear.
''No, not tonight,'' I replied. ''I find greater joy in sharing a moment with you, as usual.''
''But we have not shared such moments, I'm afraid. You have found so-called joy elsewhere, have you?''
''I live my life, V. Although I understand that for you such a thing is impossible, considering the events.'' I let out a sigh. The taste of a coffee candy I had eaten hours ago was still occupying my throat. ''May I know what you've been doing two days ago?''
''I don't like your tone; I don't understand what you mean by this.'' V stretched out both arms for a moment, admiring the gallery like someone presenting a play on stage. ''I have swum among books, enjoyed good movies, and even indulged in lonely nights, in the moonlight and the murmur of hidden maces… as is usual for me.''
He shrugged one of his hands into a fist, delicately superimposed on his chest. A barely noticeable bow shook a couple of hairs above his mask. I gritted my teeth.
''Why? What is the reason for this question? What's more, do you seem a bit upset?''
''Not at all,'' I replied dryly. I held back the fury, intermingled with fear; confusion eating at my insides. ''It's just that yesterday… let's say, a somewhat interesting story came to me. Well; a rumor, more like.''
''A rumor. What kind of rumor?''
''I don't want to play theater anymore,'' I whispered. ''Tell me, V. Please tell me you didn't do it.''
''I can't deny something I don't know, my dear. What kind of rumor?'' he repeated approaching me.
Not a scent, not even the remnant of a perfumed essence like that which comes from the flesh. It was like a shadow, he moved, felt and expressed like a concept. He was an idea, not a person; he didn't have the qualities of a human related to his nature. I had to remind myself of this every day to prevent something like this from happening-but it did. It was happening. And as he came closer to me; as one of his hands ran gloved fingers along the contours of my face, following the path of the tears, wiping them away, I found myself once again surrendered to fear. To doubt, and terror, and sadness.
V was a reminder of the faces of a sleeping society that I refused to face all the time. He was molded for it; I had to get used to it, give up pieces of myself, renew myself; belong to a section of that darkness that so characterized him.
I humanized the beast, and another paid the consequences of his hunger.
I couldn't pull away from his hand, and I could only keep my head fixed in one direction: the hollow of his eyes.
''I don't have to acknowledge your crimes,'' I continued in a whisper. ''I may know of them, but it is not in my judgment to determine their validity. I am not God; I do not come from a divine court. But V, this… this thing you have done is not right.''
''You're feeling terrified, dear,'' his voice darkened, losing itself in a hoarse sound. Danger. The truth was scary. ''What are you afraid of, if it's you and me in this room? It's been us against a system, and I don't think that's what you're afraid of right now.''
"Don't ignore me… Don't fucking ignore me, V.''
My body reacted on its own, but his hands rushed to my arms, clinging to them, bringing my body to an even greater state of alertness than before. His fingers caressed my skin over the fabric of my shirt, bristling my flesh. We were almost glued together, body against body; our breaths gently altered, increasing in rhythm little by little.
''Yes,'' he whispered, ''it was me. I killed him.''
''Oh, God!'' I burst into tears. Had I been on my own I would have fallen to the ground, but V kept me standing. ''Why… why, V. I can't… I don't want to believe it, I- God…''
His arms went around my body, forcing me to arch my back. My hands fell on his chest, where I hid my face flooded with tears. His hands tangled in my hair, tracing a back-and-forth motion down my back; they sought to shelter my pain in a false sense of protection.
''But I was good,'' he continued, his voice descending to an almost desperate pitch. ''He felt no pain, though I wanted, God, how I wanted him to realize it; to look me in the eye, to feel the same despair I felt…''
''You are a sadist!'' I pounded his chest with my hands made into fists. I pushed him, I screamed at him, I drowned in hot tears. ''What kind of desperation? You've killed an innocent man in cold blood! You've killed him, you've left a family without their father! V, for God's sake!''
There was a struggle. V tried to keep me glued to him; he struggled to hang onto my neck, my waist, my arms; he gasped in desperation, brutally shaking what was left of me in his arms before I managed to wiggle out of his grip.
''I was merciful. I could have been a monster, but I was good, and I let him sleep.''
''You killed him,'' I spat angrily, ''but you come and dare to stage a pitiful theater where you consider yourself the victim. What did he do to you?''
''Oh, no,'' he laughed; ''not to me. It was to you.'' He took his time to catch his breath. He had to brush away the locks that had fallen over his mask. ''It's embarrassing, I have to admit, but true that I've come to notice how much you've been isolating yourself from our cause. You've disappointed me a little; but I still like you.''
''Do you still like me?'' I repeated with a choked laugh. ''Still? Fuck you, asshole. What do you mean by that, me, away from the cause?''
''It's not that I question your loyalty, don't think that, please. But this little whim had to come to fruition. You could have risked everything.''
''Whim?'' I took a step back, took a breath of air, and when I least expected it I let out a laugh. A hysterical outburst. I had to cover my face for a moment to calm down.
A silence settled between us. It was V who broke it, slightly hesitant.
''Did you love him? Did you love that man?''
''Of course I loved him!'' I let out a cry, shedding a torrent of tears, silent this time. ''V, I haven't committed any crime. I… I just wanted to try, and live, and feel whole and... I don't know, all of this all of a sudden… I don't understand,'' I looked straight at him at the mask. He had his fists clenched on either side of his body. ''I don't understand what I did to deserve your mistreatment; this way of punishing an innocent, even.''
''I couldn't stand it. Every man has a limit.''
''You are no man, V; you are a monster,'' I said. ''You have robbed a father of his family, a noble man of his own life. You have robbed him…''
''He stole you from me!'' he interrupted me. His voice bounced like an echo in the distance, barely audible. ''I saw you first; I gave you a reason- a reason to live. We were supposed to be companions, something beyond such a banality as… that.''
''A banality, like what? Huh?'' I walked up to him, hitting his chest with my fist. ''What a banality you say! Is it love, is that it? Is it your envy? What is it, V? What's the bullshit reason for you to ruin people's lives, thinking you're an out-of-touch hero.''
His hand flew to my face, cupping it by the cheeks. He had taken me by surprise and the force was so great, the pain stabbing into my flesh, that I was left only to hang on to his arm.
''You're not mine,'' he whispered, the voice raspy, ''but I like to imagine that you are. And it's hard when you're fluttered with petty reasons. Yes, what I did wasn't right; but having you by my side feels like something that's right, and that's enough.''
''You're making me hate you, V,'' I said haltingly.
''I'm glad to know that I can still awaken in you the feelings that really matter.'' He fell silent. He seemed to be thinking deeply about something, still holding my cheeks. ''I love you.''
I closed my eyes, completely surrendered. My arms fell limp and my heart stopped. What I suspected with a terror crackling in the corner of my mind was suddenly a painfully palpable reality. In front of me, V; with his feelings and the mask of a smile suspended in the icy material. V and the words embedded in my ears like his fingers to the flesh of my face.
''I love you,'' he said again. ''I love you, my dear.''
''Stop,'' I begged. My voice sounded like a sigh. "Shut your mouth. Don't say it anymore.''
The pain eased as his fingers released my cheeks, both of his hands cupping my face gently; his body clinging to me, his hips pushing against mine. My back hit a wall when we had no room to spare, but he didn't stop. The coldness of his mask brushed my lips, and all I had left to do was close my eyes. The impact was soft; and the kiss, almost nonexistent. The simulation of a creature trying to imitate something human; unbecoming, then, of himself.
My first kiss in years lasted as long as a sigh. I didn't remember the flesh being so hard and lacking that particular flavor. I felt miserable just looking back and finding nothing but empty, hollow eyes. The same smile. I hated it.
''You don't love me,'' I whispered.
''I really think I do.''
''This is not love. You're taking over something you think is yours, V.'' I held back a shudder as one of his hands brushed my neck. ''I don't love you.''
Silence. Suddenly a murmur, very faint, and it was our feet. My body fell over his; the cold of his mask against the side of my face, his arms around me. A half-hearted embrace. I felt his heart, but I couldn't find my own.
I closed my eyes when I felt the tremor. It was him.
''I know,'' he replied.
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It's late.
Dazai feels a little ashamed, if he were to be honest. How pathetic is it that he's unable to sleep unless in the arms of his coworker? A little pathetic. His eyebrows furrow as he begins to pick the lock to your apartment.
It's late. You're probably asleep.
He's jealous. Yeah; the clenching feeling in his chest is jealousy from your ability to sleep through the nights (a feeling of his that isn't shared towards his well-rested coworkers). You're asleep, and he should be. He will be.
The door clicks quietly, and Dazai doesn't react. How many times has he broken into your apartment? The question is left unanswered as he saunters into the place, making sure to close and lock it behind him.
You're asleep. It's late.
He makes a pit stop by your kitchen, staring blankly into your fridge like he'd do if he lived here. He counts the number of half finished water bottles littering the shelves, dispersed in between random ingredients you don't open and snacks that are dwindling in number.
If Dazai lived here, maybe he could make you dinner sometime. Gather the ingredients to fill your fridge, put a pan on the stove — however people cook, he can't remember. The fridge closes quietly; It's late. You're asleep.
With a final glance towards the sink, taking note of the dirty cutlery delicately balanced around the edges, he makes his way into the hall. Three steps and he'd be outside your door, your bedroom door, where you're asleep.
Dazai pushes away the same thought that keeps appearing in his mind. Of course you're asleep, it's late.
He turns away from your bedroom and finds himself standing in your living room. It's happily lived in - cushions that have lost their fluff, a blanket strewed across the couch haphazardly. His hand runs over it; always the same blanket. Dazai can imagine sitting under this blanket on the couch with you, the couch you two would share, watching some movie on your small tv just across the small room.
If he lived here, he'd make sure to tidy up the living room before you two went to bed. You kept a basket of blankets just next to the tv, and Dazai could easily drape the blanket back into it before following you off to bed. For now, he leaves it; There'd be no trace he was here come morning.
Once again, he finds himself mere steps away from your bedroom door. You live alone, for now, and yet keep the door closed every night. Is it habit? Are you worried some barbarian will break in just to watch you sleep? (Dazai isn't here to watch you, of course; He's here to sleep as well.) If that is what you're worried about, he could always spend the night with you, just to make sure you're safe. Well, spend the whole night with you, rather than breaking in late and sneaking out early.
Dazai turns into the bathroom.
You have the cutest rug next to your shower, one that always makes Dazai smile. A tough persona is applied at the agency, so only he is privy to your cute pink Sanrio bathmat. It's not what he would have expected for you, and that's what makes him smile. Your counter holds an electric toothbrush and has a lot of clutter Dazai wants to sort through. If he lived with you, he could place his toothbrush next to yours and keep your hair care stuff in the cabinet below. Maybe one day you'd let Dazai comb your hair, with a brush or just his fingers.
It's late. You're asleep. The same thought Dazai has been pushing down since he began the walk to your apartment fills his head once more. He's not delusional, no, but what if you weren't asleep? What if you were waiting up, just for him?
His hand touches the doorknob. It's late. You have no reason to think he's coming. The door opens slowly and quietly as he peers in.
You're asleep.
Dazai's chest constricts and he can't help the frown pulling at his lips. Of course you're asleep; He's stupid to get his hopes up. If you were awake anyway, you'd kick him out and probably call the cops. He is trespassing right now, at a time when you're most vulnerable.
Still, Dazai slips into your warm, cream-colored sheets, his hands clasped together under his cheek as he lies on his side. You're so calm, so serene under the dull light of a street lamp just outside the bedroom window. Hesitantly, Dazai's hand moves to brush a strand of hair from your face, the tips of his fingers experimentally tracing your skin.
His eyes flutter shut when you move closer. Were you used to his presence? Dazai likes to think you need him to sleep as much as he needs you. Sure, you could fall asleep without him curled up beside you, but maybe he was soothing nightmares. The thought made him frown. He shouldn't care, he shouldn't be here. His eyebrows furrowed like they had when he first broke in — this is weird. This is illegal, too.
A frustrated puff of air leaves his mouth, his eyes shutting more firmly. Tighter, tighter — why isn't he asleep yet?
He curls more into himself, feeling ashamed and embarrassed and anxious and annoyed and-
Your hand moves from your chest to his, softly resting over his heart. The small smile resides back on Dazai's face as he relaxes, slowly drifting to sleep in your bed.
Light filters in through your sheer curtains, the sun kissing your face as you quickly wake up. The blaring of your alarm was the first thing you'd noticed, rubbing your eyes with one hand as you turned to shut it off. Just a few moments of peace, and then you'd get up....
Those few moments didn't come to pass before you were hit with a boost of energy, sitting up in your empty bed. Of course your bed was empty, no need to emphasize it. You live alone, did you expect someone to be there when you woke up?
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Here we go again talking about "Mine" and explaining my absence. For the past month or two I've been questioning myself if I want to put Mine on a hiatus(Which I didn't feel was surprising considering that I've vented about the game so much on this blog, I'm sorry for that). I wouldn't be getting rid of it and I would be heading back to it eventually, but I just needed to step away and really think about what I wanted to do. At this point in time I'm still questioning what I want to do. Long story short Mine won't be getting released any time soon and it needs a lot of work to be done on it, in every way.
I think my biggest issue was rushing into this project. I was so SO excited to just get my story out and talk about my characters and ideas, but I had almost nothing set in stone or planned out. Some of my favorite story aspects I created after I made this blog, granted it wasn't a obvious change since it had to do with spoilers, and story aspect kind of just fit together to make a bigger plot twist. I still love what I've created thus far, but it needs so much work, and it feels weird and off to have changes just happen with the characters and story.
I was getting bored of certain characters and the art style. I won't be getting rid of any characters because even the ones who don't seem that important to the overall plot are still important, but I'll be changing/upgrading character designs. And especially changing the art style. I was really disliking my style for Mine and even more so after the Halloween drawing. I did practice around a bit and I found a style I like, but it's still not set in stone.
This is kind of what I was thinking. The eyes have a more defined shape, the nose is different, the hair is more detailed. I've also been wanted to mess around with coloring and shading. And once again this style is not set in stone, but this is what I'm leaning towards as of now. I want the game to have an anime style for reasons, but I did also try a style that's more mine I guess? Like I drew Yani in the style I draw in the most, the style that's most consistent to me. I mainly did this because one my bestfriends has been helping me sort out my own feelings and she said to at least try a more cartoon style even if the anime style is what I'm aiming for in the end.
I obviously I do like the style, but it's just not what I'm going for, so I was going to try drawing different eyes styles and then I would build a face to match that.
I did like these, but it didn't inspire me and I didn't want these for Mine. So this is what I've been working on for now, I'm trying t build my interest in this story again. I know I've talked about it before, but Yani and Jun's designs are the ones I'm most proud about(maybe Aki as well, if I change anything it wouldn't be too extreme), but the other characters will be getting an upgrade, in design, story, and personality.
Minato in particular. I feel so bad because as much as I like Minato, he feels so plain to me. Like I don't have fun writing him or drawing him. There are things I do really enjoy about him, like his hair style, and his yellow eyes. But I'm bored with pretty much everything else about him, and that's not a good sign, he's the first route, the first character to be released. he needs something to draw in the player, but I don't feel like he has that. I don't know where to really go with him though. I think the fact that he's the least yandere is charming and important, like to lure the player into a false sense of security, almost as if they were just playing a normal visual novel/dating sim with routes, and then the creepy stuff starts mainly happening with the other routes, but obviously I need something to make his route exciting.
In the meantime asks will most likely not be answered until I've figured the characters out more. When I figure out the characters as well, I want to go back and slowly work on updating previous asks to fit the new personality and stories. I'll probably make a poll on how to go about that just in case people want the old answered asks or something. Maybe I could just do something like-
Old: bhjdhsvjagjhasgd
New: VHJDhfdjgshdf
I don't know as of now. I also want to go back and update my 100 followers event drawings, and obviously finish that. Which by the way I am so sorry to everyone who sent in requests, for that event and just in general. Me struggling with Mine's art style has been a thing, even with the refs, there were some refs that I just hated how they turned out(cough cough Hoshi). I also have been practicing with more cartoon(?) styles, so working on a game with an anime style reminds me of my past styles, which I hated because I got those feeling of hating my style or falling behind my peers who were finding their style. I'm a lot better with it now, but I felt like I was falling back into old habits/styles, and it was upsetting.
While I was planning my hiatus, I kept thinking about some of my other game ideas because if I was going to go on hiatus I would focus on another one of my games with a more simple style(Since I wondered if complexity of the style was also an issue for my lack of motivation with Mine), and I do like my other games and ideas and characters, but none of hem were appealing to me like how Mine did. I went into Mine so excited and ready to talk and share my characters, but with my other stories I was just feeling more unmotivated with them, other then "The Magi Academy" which makes sense since that is my comfort story but also I'm gonna work on this in the background since the game is huge.
Another thing I thought about doing while on hiatus was making a test game, where I get used to making games, where I practice. Cause Mine is my first game, but I'm not sure I want it to actually be my first game, but I have no interest in my other games as of now so this game would be simple, a little test to get used to everything that comes with making a game. I'll probably work on this while I'm working on the art style for Mine and the character designs. It will have multiple routes and characters. I wouldn't really call it a dating sim, there will be romance elements but I think more then anything it will be a little "get to know my oc's" type story. Maybe I'll talk about it more if anyone if interested. Although when I make games in the future I'll either make the blogs later, when the game is almost finished or if finished, or at least claim the name and work on them later.
I'd say that Mine is going on a hiatus, at least with this blog, but I will be working on it! Mine won't be getting released soon and when I made this blog I didn't expect Mine to come out this year. Another thing I want to end up doing is dev logs, maybe weekly or monthly, it won't happen soon, but eventually I want to do dev logs. As of now though, I have a lot to think about with the characters and the story/stories. I'll probably work on character personalities and stories before their actual design so I can get back to writing asks, and then I'll be redoing refs and any bigger drawings I've done so far. I also want to have a schedule for answering asks, so I'll probably spend the weekends answering asks and then the weekdays I'll be working on the game, but this is for the future. My ask box and messages will be open though if anyone has any questions :3 I hope that this will help me regain the passion and excitement that I hold for this story, have a great day/night, and thank you for you continued support🩵
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