#i guess it's also possible that she finally gave up on her dreams of empowering hell? and that it just took her 10000 more years than luci

[willosword]

i wish they had given us a smiiidge more context about lillith's whole deal bc if they gave me just a bit more to chew on regarding her dynamic with charlie and lucifer i'd probably be obsessed with her

[draven-imani]

Journal 8

I met the Queen of Mendev. Which somehow managed to still be impressive even after meeting the Inheritor a few days ago, which speaks pretty highly to her. Aaaaaand the Queen kind of sort of knighted me and gave me a promotion to commander of own legion and I don’t know what to do and I’m freaking out a little.

Right. Right—let’s just take it from the top.

Our little group had met up at Defender’s Heart when we got word from Commander Spriggans that there was an attack on the horizon. We made our way outside and saw an enormous force approaching. There were a number of those colossal Ulkreth demons that Hiskaria had seen demolishing buildings during the first attack, as well as a full army of lesser demons. They were marching on us rather than teleporting straight in—we figured specifically to show off their might to lower our morale.

Then, before the army could reach us, a second army from the East came charging into battle. Above them great metal machines flew overhead, and they dropped into the middle of the demon army these huge metal scorpions, which landed and began shooting the demons with beams from their tails. A person with green hair and glowing lines down their body gave a battle cry as they grabbed onto one of those giant metal scorpions and caused it to shoot that appeared to be an empowered disintegrate out of its tail into one of the Ulkreths.

The United Mendev-Numeria Alliance had joined the battle, just in the nick of time. With the use of their ‘Annihilator robots’, those big scorpions, and ‘laser guns’, and all sorts of other weapons I’d never even dream up they cleared out the demons. Even Hiskaria was about speechless. I think her words were something like “I thought Kevoth-Kul didn’t have that many of those”.

We were all incredibly pleased with how that went, and everyone was heading to Defender’s Heart for a victory ‘we didn’t get crushed by demons for another day’ drink, when a messenger came to get the four of us. Apparently Queen Galfrey had come to Kenabres herself. And apparently she’d been told about what we’d done the day before. And apparently she wanted to meet with us personally. She gave us the option of meeting at her personal war tent or at a place of our choosing. We decided it seemed most polite to meet at her tent. Melody and I decided to go dressed in the fine clothes we’d gotten from the kind shop keeper who had given us the free incredibly nice clothing for saving his wares the other day. Hiskaria and Luna…did not. It turned out it didn’t really matter. I will compared Queen Galfrey to the Inheritor in one way—she is a warrior as much as anything else.

When we arrived to the Mendev-Numeria encampment, we were met by the green haired person, Coremagon—an android, the first I’ve ever met. They had a particular quirk, in that they were not particularly good with emotions, and kept blowing up in anger. It also turns out they are Cassandalee’s herald. I would say I bet that was pretty cool for Hiskaria, but honestly considering her goddess talks in her head, maybe it was kind of mundane compared to how utterly in awe I would have been in her place.

I admit, I may have gotten Coremagone riled up a little. I wasn’t necessarily trying to. I was actually trying to help. Legitimately. I’m not exactly the best with emotions myself. I figured, it’s more pleasant to focus on trying to feel the good ones than the bad ones, right? That’s what I do, at least. Smile.

Well, apparently telling the herald of the god that they should smile is a bad idea.

I got thrown into the air by a whirlwind and landed on my ass.

They got told off by the queen though, so I got a little vindication.

We went into Queen Galfrey’s war tent and met the Queen herself. She was an incredibly striking figure. Definitely more warrior than bureaucrat. She waved a hand over her war table, and an enchantment in the table went off that caused a feast to appear, and she invited us to sit and eat while we spoke of recent events. We confirmed the reports she’d received of what had happened at the Grey Garrison, and she told us some of what has been happening at the borders. The Stormlord’s forces have been attacking at the borders of Mendev since the fall of Kenabres, and without the Wardstone’s barrier it is now only the armies of the crusaders standing between them and the rest of the world.

She said that while some people understand the gravity of the choice we made, and the lives we saved in doing so, others are calling us traitors for destroying the final shred of the barrier and the last hope of renewing it.

Queen Galfrey had a new task for us. As a member of the Crusades I am, of course, obligated to see this through to the end, but she offered to the others that if they wanted to help to clear their names and to do something to strike a blow against the demon hordes, she had a mission for us.

Her Majesty asked that we travel with a legion of her men to Drezen, to take back the captured fortress, and to retrieve the Sword of Valor, the very banner once held aloft by Iomedae herself, which if hung in the town again would expel the demonic forces. Currently the bulk of the forces from Drezen were with the Stormlord on the border, and the Queen intended to take her army to keep their attention there while a smaller strike force went in and took Citadel Drezen. I mentioned that we’d discovered that Stauton Vhagn was involved in the attack on Kenabres, and that he was holed up in Drezen as well. The Queen felt this was all the more reason to strike while the iron was hot and take Drezen back from him.

Luna said she would be willing to help, but she had no desire to lead an army. Queen Galfrey agreed that Luna and Melody were not members of the crusades, and therefore the choice was theirs to not take such a role. She also asked Hiskaria for her paperwork, and signed off on her release papers, before sending them off to be returned to Kevoth-Kul via some sort of magic portal. She said that technically Hiskaria was free to go now, as she had done more than enough to warrant her release in good faith. However the Queen had a feeling that Hiskaria would see this through to the end, and Hiskaria agreed that she wanted to do so as well.

With that said, Queen Galfrey declared that she was going to have each of us knighted and titled for our services. Should we survive this, apparently we’d each have land back in Mendev should we want it. That’s. A lot. That’s more than I ever expected to get out of all this. I didn’t come here to get anything, except maybe a little justice for those who died, and the ability to stop as many people from being made victims as possible. Actual physical rewards never really crossed my mind.

Actually surviving to the end of all this never really crossed my mind if we’re going to be brutally honest.

Melody was titled Lady-Lady Melody Legro, Lady of Grace

Luna was titled Luna, Lady of the Crescent Moon

Hiskaria was simply titled Lady Hope—Hope being her last name and something meaningful given her story.

And I guess now I am Sir Draven, the One-Eyed Knight.

I guess it’s a good thing I decided to quit being so self-deprecating about my scars after last night, or I might have felt a bit of a sting about the big thing that held me back all these years and kept me wallowing in the Raven Corps being what she decided to highlight in my title.

Okay. There might still be a little bitterness there. But—I’m working on it.

With this done, we were given a timeframe to expect to go—we will be leaving in three days time. Then we were dismissed, except for Luna who asked to remain to ask the Queen something in private. The rest of us gave her privacy and remained outside while she talked to the Queen about…whatever that was about.

Then we headed back to Defender’s Heart for a little revelry and to meet three new allies who the Queen had brought to our attention would be joining us with the legion. Aron Kir, a master spy with a strong knowledge base in siege warfare. His boyfriend and an old friend of Melody’s, Sosiel Vaenic, a Shelynite cleric and tactician with a vast knowledge of demons who didn’t really understand Melody’s desire to keep her heritage on the down low. And last, smallest, but certainly not least, Nurah Dendiwhar, a halfling bard who kept the sangrias coming throughout the night from a seemingly never ending box on her back. The three were extremely colorful and enjoyable characters who I was feeling very optimistic about working with.

Then while we were chatting, Commander Spriggans flagged me down. We shared a drink, and he handed me new orders from Queen Galfrey. Hiskaria was officially no longer part of the Raven Corps. And neither was I, since I would be leaving the city and therefore the Corps behind.

Instead, as I alluded to earlier, I had gotten a promotion. Commander of my own legion. I have a couple of days to think of a name and to get everything in order. Commander Tirabade—I guess I should be on first name basis with her now like everyone else? Irabeth is coming as well, as neither of us have field experience outside of Kenabres, but she has longer experience as a commander and is meant to be an advisor of sorts.

Inheritor help me that might be the strangest sentence I’ve written in this journal so far, Irabeth Tirabade is supposed to be my advisor on being commander of my own legion. It has been a few hours and this is still surreal to me. Aravashnial is coming along to lend his magic expertise as well, and Anevia wouldn’t be caught dead being left behind with Irabeth going.

Oh! I had forgotten in the middle of everything else, Queen Galfrey had some of her personal clerics see to Aravashnial and Anevia, so their injuries from the attack are no more. It is a relief, especially in regards to Aravashnial’s eyes. Queen Galfrey offered to do the same for my own eye, but I declined. I explained that I’d already learned how to fight with one eye, and I’d have to readjust if she healed me now. Which is very true, although perhaps not my only reason after the other day. It’s a good reminder, too.

More surprisingly, Horgus is coming as well. He’s going to be managing the army’s funds, field supplies, basically all around making sure the numbers are in order and we don’t run out of what we need when we need it, or get overzealous and overstock on something we don’t need. Which is all well and good with me, I don’t have a head for numbers myself. Hiskaria’s volunteered to help him and I’m more than happy to let her. She’s proven with her magic and assisting Aravashnial that she’s good enough at bookkeeping.

As for me…I’m a bit at a loss. I talked to Leto, of course. Asked him how he does it. Plays off being the cool confident leader like he does. Well—obviously it’s because he is. His answer basically boiled down to fake it until you make it, which is so not the answer I wanted to hear. There’s no way he’s been faking that confidence all this time. I’ve seen him, that easy charisma that just draws people to him. He’s in a league of his own.

I guess I’ll just keep pushing on forward like I always do. It seems to somehow work out, although I’ll probably have to hit a few stumbling blocks along the way. ‘Just act like you have confidence’, hm? I hate him sometimes. He’s infuriating. I don’t think he even knows how he looks to everyone else.

[aot-snk-4238]

SNK Meta Part 2: Ymir

In my previous post, I talked about my feelings regarding Historia's character this final arc. Now I'm going to talk about Ymir, her relationship with Historia, and my feelings about her send-off.

Was Ymir a good character?

In my eyes, yes. When she was first introduced, it was clear that she had feelings for Historia, making her one of the only canon queer characters in the series (assuming Historia reciprocated those feelings, which I'm pretty sure she did). She also appeared very snarky and cynical, but us readers came to learn later on that there was a much softer, sensitive side to her deep down that Historia would be the first to witness. These revelations, including her backstory, helped flesh out her character in a way that made her very interesting and mysterious for me. I especially loved how sharp and intuitive she was. I'm going to quote the wiki on this part, because I think it does a great job explaining her impressive observant abilities. "Ymir was extremely perceptive and could discern the nature of the people around her with alarming accuracy, such as Historia's martyrdom mentality, Reiner's split personality disorder, and Sasha Blouse's desire to look good in front of her peers by hiding her native accent and developing an extremely formal way of speaking. Due to her experiences and belief in self-pride, she tended to rudely criticize people for being untrue to themselves. Furthermore, Ymir was very reasonable, as she knew what to do during her kidnapping situation and reconsidered her options to accomplish her goals." I also enjoyed her interactions with other characters besides Historia. Take Connie, for example. When he lamented over the possibility of his mother being stuck as a mindless titan, Ymir tried to distract him, albeit not in the most appropriate way (ch. 38).

Connie complained about this behavior later on, but Historia defended her, explaining that she was only trying to stray his thoughts from that traumatic discovery. There were a few more moments between these two that were fun to see as well.

😂😂😂. Ymir's looking at him like, "You ruined it, Connie..."

I love the way she pats him on the head. Knowing how much taller Connie's gotten I don't think she'd be able to do that anymore.

This becomes one of the many times that Connie calls her "ugly" when she's in her titan form. Too bad she couldn't talk very well as a titan or else she probably would have had a smartass remark to throw back at him. It's looking back on scenes like this where I wish we could have gotten more out of these two. You can tell she cared for Connie and I know he also cared in his own way.

We only saw her together with Eren once when Reiner and Bertholdt captured them, but it was very interesting to see their perceptions of each other.

Eren found Ymir to be mysterious and wasn't sure if he could trust her, which isn't surprising considering this was the only time they ever spoke to each other. One detail that he couldn't miss, however, was Ymir's undying determination to protect Historia, a goal they would both come to share later on. Meanwhile, Ymir couldn't trust Eren because she found him to be too reckless and hot-headed.

These were my favorite qualities from Ymir, although to this day I still question the rationality of leaving Historia behind considering the situation she's currently in. Historia herself called her an idiot after reading her goodbye letter. Now that I've covered my reasons for liking Ymir as a character, let's move on to her relationship with Historia.

Ymir and Historia

I've loved these two together since the beginning for their complex and amusing dynamic. On the surface, you had the selfish, confrontational tomboy and the girly, kind and beautiful goddess. But underneath were two young women who were dealt a dirty hand early in their life and lead empty lives as a result until they found each other. Their story arcs throughout the Clash of the Titans arc were beautiful and complimentary, and it's part of the reason why it's actually my favorite story arc in the series. Everything from Ymir seeing through Historia's charade and urging her to live her life with pride to Historia telling Ymir her real name and the two of them fighting side by side in chapter 49 was some of the most empowering moments for me and I will forever cherish those parts of the story.

Ymir's departure

And now the part I've been most excited to talk about! Ymir's glorious, memorable and emotional departure.

Her ending...was not what I expected it to be. She left Historia at the very last second and gave herself away to the enemy because she felt guilty for something that was not her fault. Now as we know, Ymir is selfless at heart and she felt indebted to Reiner and Bertholdt for inadvertently helping her return to her human form after 60 years of wandering the earth as a mindless titan. She also decided that Historia might be safe after all after learning that Eren possessed the coordinate. I understand all of that, but what I don't understand is...well...everything else.

This was Ymir's last real appearance. We see that Ymir has willingly chosen to accompany Reiner and Bertholdt back to Marley to give up her titan powers at the cost of her life. Many people weren't so sure if that was truly the last of her though, because her death was not explicitly confirmed for a long time. We spend the next 33 chapters hoping to get something more, and then this happens...

A glimmer of hope. Finally there's a real chance we'll hear from her again, and it's got a lot of people buzzing with excitement. Sure enough, we finally get to see what's in that letter a few chapters later and are given Ymir's backstory. Here's where the disappointing part comes, though. Ymir makes it clear at the beginning of her letter that she will be dead by the time Historia receives it, meaning that this is the only goodbye they're gonna get. The last time they saw each other, Ymir wasn't even in human form. Instead of a proper goodbye, all we get is a short letter. The anime even tried to fix this by giving us Ymir's backstory earlier, but by doing that, her letter was cut short by a lot. All that was really left was, "Hi babe, sorry I left you like that. Oh well, I'm about to die anyway. Sorry we couldn't get married." And then this happened:

Historia touches Ymir's letter and is suddenly bombarded with visions of Ymir's past, including her chained up and about to be eaten. That is definitely not what happened in the manga and its honestly very confusing to me. How was she able to see all of that just by touching the letter? I get that she has royal blood and was able to access memories when she touched Eren, but Eren is a human who just so happens to possess the founding titan. The letter is just a piece of paper. Also, I'm guessing the last thing Historia saw was Ymir chained up so that there will be no need to bring her up again like Reiner and Porco did in chapter 93. I don't blame the anime team for making that change because I'll be honest, when we saw that one panel of her in her death chamber it felt very out of nowhere and I had a hard time concentrating on the rest of the chapter after that. So here are my main problems with her death:

1. It was off-screen

If I recall correctly, Ymir is the only major character in the series whose death was off-screen. All we got were her final moments, and there wasn't even any dialogue. That part especially bothered me because you can see that Ymir and Porco are looking at each other and Ymir's mouth is slightly open, implying that she's speaking. But what was she saying? You seriously don't mean to tell me that they both just sat there and stared at each other the whole time. She must have had some last words, but for some reason we never got to know what they were. At one point I even thought that Historia and Porco might cross paths at some point and he would be able to give her closure that way but no. No closure, just a last minute goodbye letter and a glimpse of her final moments that I now consider completely useless and unnecessary because we never got more out of it. I mean really, we even got closure and an on-screen death for Marco for crying out loud. Why give him that kind of attention and not Ymir? Not to mention one of the more recent guidebooks. Her character has the diceased sticker and it talks about how she went back to Marley with Reiner and Bert, but that's it. Not even the guidebook makes it clear what happened next. Yeah she died, but did anything else happen before then? That's what I wish we could have gotten more details on like, I don't know....her final words???

2. It was anticlimactic

We didn't get enough focus on Ymir's point of view after leaving Paradis in order for her death to have any kind of lasting emotional impact. As I mentioned above, it just felt out of place and messy. There was nothing memorable about her death either. It was quite simple and boring.

3. It contributed to an ongoing literary issue that has anti-LGBTQ roots

Yep. I'm talking about the infamous Bury Your Gays trope. Now before I go any further, I am not accusing Isayama of being anti-LGBTQ, I'm just shedding some light on something that's been continuously repeated in countless forms of media, not just anime and manga. Truthfully, I hadn't heard about this trope before reading Attack on Titan, but when I did hear about it, it only made Ymir's death even worse for me. I'm not surprised that it exists and I realize that this is a manga where death is inevitable, but keeping both women alive in the end would have certainly been very refreshing. At this point, all I could ask for is that Ymir and Historia get to see each other one last time. Obviously since Ymir is dead it will have to be through other means and I don't care how it's done. It can be in a dream, a vision or through Paths (which I think would work best). Seriously, there's nothing I've been more curious about than how Ymir would react to Hisu's current predicament and what she would say to her. It would just be great for them to have one last conversation face to face because for me, the letter just wasn't enough. Of course I'm hoping for too much, though. We've only got 1-2% of the story remaining, leaving no room for further closure. It's disappointing and frustrating, but no story is perfect. I'm grateful for the content that we did get, but I hope one day I can find a story like this one where the queer characters get to live for once. I'm aware of other shows like Steven Universe, Adventure Time and Yuri on Ice that give them good endings, but those shows are much friendlier towards younger audiences and aren't nearly as dark and grim.

Conclusion

Ymir was a very intriguing character while we had her, but her death was unsatisfactory and only left us with more questions. I am not going to trash Isayama for it, but I will leave this critique here so I can unload all my thoughts for others to read if they wish, or possibly share their own thoughts. We are coming close to the end of the manga, so now would be a great time to reflect on what we read and enjoy what's left of it.

[onlytime1]

A love letter to Octavia Blake

It’s kinda strange to write this one, but i guess the moment was meant to come. The night before the series finale, damn how strange that feels, series finale of this series. I write it here in the tag where a deep part of my love and rootin for Octavia were nurished and cultivated day by day as the yrs went by. 

I’m a hella of a happy person, i feel like the luckiest in the world with what i have; i faced only one moment of darkness in the past, trapped in uncertaity and anxiety and stress; i knew who i was and i knew what i wanted, what i was searching for, I also realized where i belonged along the way just as Octavia did; I just needed a push to go for what i deserved   and Octavia was the one who empowered me to do so. It’s like we walked a path of finding where you belong together.

About say 2 yrs ago I wrote a similar post out of sheer fear that was the last night I was seein Octavia alive...well two yrs have gone by and she s still here; about to face the feared series finale.

I can’t say I don’t fear to lose her; because the fear of losing her has basically accompanied me ever since that fateful snake encounter at the lake all the way back in 1x01; but i write this post with a different approach than that one; and I so wish to see her happy I hope she survives and gets the happy ending that she has always deserved; because she s the hero, THE REAL HERO, of this fuckin show; but here comes the but; Its because i know she s a hero, THE HERO, that I  know she goes in while others run out, I know she has her sword/gun out while others put it down, she looks for battle and doesn t cover from it; she shelters the others, never herself; knows when instead of showing up; its time to quietly hide and surprise the enemy; and viceversa when loud approach steps over quiet and stealth;because she s a hella of a strategist too....

I know all of these things, and I know in less than 24 hrs she might be gone; or maybe not; but if that s the case I just hope it will be as heroic as her life.

So this is my love letter to the character that sought me out of darkness to have a life.

To the girl under the floor: who, with her kindness and diplomacy became the bridge between earth and sky; for she was humble in lookin always at the ground while others looked always from above their noses.

To Indra’s second: who learned that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, that differences enrich us and embraced her warrior call with pride and earnest to learn; for  being warrior became the consacrated job to save others.

To the girl who for the first time knew betrayal and was once again swung into loss: who felt her heart heavy as she watched people who had accepted her as their own die undeservingly; who never hid her pain, especially when it hit the closest home; but used it to once more to spare everybody else bad fates. 

To skairipa: who already knew Lincoln s mission was her very own; who wanted to die but couldn’t because the fate of humanity rested once again in her hands; who wished for the unity the Girl under the floor already knew could be reached and to Osleya who made that dream come true; who gave people their right to choose their destiny for her heart looked in theirs and for the first time knew they were all ONE. Wonkru.

To Blodreina: who was the best leader this mf show could’ve ever asked for; who held the fort thro the good and the heartbreaking days, who crushed her heart, who hurt in silence and pushed down her fears her wish to reach beyond because she needed to bring her people home. For her strength held thro it her people, for her lonliness kept everybody else together and taught them to be one, for her bravery where everybody else who was supposed to help left; she stayed. For the hero that was denigrated, that has horrible lines written on her(sometimes given to Octavia herself)for the writers to justify the true villains of the show (blorke) instead of gettin the praise she deserves.

To the girl of the anomaly: who traveled thro time and space; who found unexpected company, that later became her life, and  a family that truly deserves(d) to call her their family too. For she got to taste happiness, real happiness, after a life of hardships.

To Mama bear O (and aunt my ass, we all know those two were married and Hope is as much her kid as Diyoza’s): who went from scared of dropping the baby to the kiddo droppin on her askin her to teach her how to be a warrior; who didn’t crumble to Bardo’s trials and didn’t give anyone up; her kid in primis; for she never ever crumbled to bullshit one single day in the whole series.

And in the end to Octavia Blake because she’s all of them in one person; carryin them all inside of herself, wearing them on her skin and their words still resounding in her head and if you look close you can see them all reflected in her eyes. Like thousands of lives and places and times in one person. They all tell the story of one person, that thro it all never forgot the basics of her heart; that allowed her to turn all these lives into character developement; into who s about to face the final battle. Octavia never EVER NEVER did anythin wrong, nor one single wrong choice; because her heart was always in the right place.

Both finales are very possible...both finales...would make sense, but as the hours go by and the finale approaches; i shall believe and hope life is the way for her.

See you all on the other side...

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

We’re on the other side, octaviakru. 

We ve made it, our beautiful girl gets her happy ending, after saving the world once again for the uptenth time.

And i can t say i m surprised,because i knew the moment a test was called, the only one who could take it and pass it...was Octavia.

A true warrior knows when it s time to raise your arms up....and when to put them down and heal your broken hands...and if possible, to lay them down one last time. 

This time the wars had to end...and she ended them all, because her heart was always in the right place.

I footnote here for posterity the immense pride and emotion i felt when Hope sat on Octavia s throne, pointin once again another signal that only Octavia could end this, and all the pain from war she spared her and Diyoza s kiddo.

When she faught in war, she faught because they couldn’t be stopped, because they needed to happen, because they were a necessity;or because she was flung into them havin no other choice but to fight; what wasn t a necessity were the immense massacres blorke would accomplish everytime, thinkin that was the solution,....and that s why they failed, and Octavia succeded. Because whatever was her evolution she looked always at them as her equals, because she walked among them all and loved them all as her own, because she hurt and was heartbroken but never asked for anythin back and above all because she did right, she always did everything the right way; and not wrong like the blorkes who ended up askin to be absolved and givin out the “i DiD iT fOr tHem aLl, oH mY soUl”speech. 

[whitewolfofwinterfell]

How do you like Mad Men so far? I never know how to feel about it, I really had high hopes for Betty, but was disappointed at the overall lack of character development/focus on her in season 2 and onwards! But I was generally happy about Peggy and Joan. And Don is quite the intricate & complex character (at least in the first couple seasons), but the level of detail and accurate depiction of the time is really well done and so fun to watch! Happy Holidays and a Happy New Year!!! :)

Hey there, anon! I just finished watching Season 4 Episode 7, which was an amazing episode, so it’s quite fitting that I’d get an ask like this.

Mad Men had been on my ‘To Watch’ list for years because it seemed to be considered a timeless classic along with shows like The Sopranos, The Wire and Breaking Bad. I finally got around to it because one of my mutuals (shoutout to @sulietsexual​) recently finished watching it and when I started seeing posts about it on my dash it gave me that push to finally commit to watching it.

So far I really like Mad Men. It’s very specific in its style, which means that it might not be everybody’s cup of tea. I didn’t know that much about it before I started watching and it is quite a lot different than I expected. It’s unlike a lot of other shows because it’s very character driven. There are character arcs and sub-plots related to the characters careers and personal lives, however, there’s no overarching plot across the seasons and no central story. It’s completely devoted to the evolution of the characters, but since I’m such a character orientated person, that works out fantastically for me. I believe the best thing any show can have is a cast of diverse, complex and well-written characters, and Mad Men certainly has that.

In addition to the character focus, the other main element of the show is definitley the decade that it’s set in, which is of course the 1960s. For me, the decade is a character within itself, because it’s such a rich period in American history. It’s not just about the aesthetics with the fashion, hairstyles, cars and media, it’s the fact that Mad Men manages to capture the spirit of the 1960s so well. And I think if the show was set in any other time-frame it wouldn’t work half as well. That specific period presents challenges for the characters (the female characters, in particular) and shapes everything that is happening in the world of advertising, and consequently what happens to and around the characters.

Surprisingly, I didn’t know the show was set in the 60s until I started watching, but it was a very pleasant surprise for me. As a history student, American history was one of my favourite areas of history, I even specialised in 1960s America. When I got to my final year and had to start planning my dissertation I knew almost immediately that I wanted to write it on 1960s America, I just didn’t know which part. As I said, it’s such a rich decade of history where so much happened: the Civil Rights Movement, MLK’s assassination, JFK’s assassination, Malcom X’s assassination, the Vietnam War, and the Cold War. There was such huge political, social and cultural change; there was a growth in social movements not just for African Americans but other racial minority groups such as Latin Americans and Chinese Americans, women and LGBTQ groups. The rise of rock ‘n roll came about (Elvis, The Beatles etc.) and with it a new kind of rebellion expressed through the art of music. The introduction of and access to the contraceptive pill gave women more sexual freedom, later followed by the “Summer of Love”. This was a decade where anything felt possible; where man landed on the moon and a president was assassinated in broad day light; where groups of people across America stood together, challenged the status quo, fought for what they believed in, dreamed big and strived for positive change for the millions of Americans that had been suppressed and voiceless for decades. It proved just how powerful unity can be and how citizens can truly have an impact and drive political and social change if they have the courage to stand up. The 1960s changed America in significant ways and was such a decisive period in its history. I could continue talking about this all day, because I bloody love it, but the point is that this period of history is a personal favourite of mine and so seeing the characters live through this time makes it particularly enjoyable for me.

As much as I love the character-centred approach of the show, at times I do think it suffers from the lack of plot and can feel very slow. Sometimes I don’t really have motivation to watch an episode for this reason. This becomes more noticeable when the characters I’m most invested in don’t get as much screen-time. Betty is a classic example of this. Just like you, I adore Betty’s character but I’ve been so diappointed with how she’s been cast aside. So far, she hasn’t featured in season 4 at all and based on what you’ve said, I’m guessing she probably won’t get much focus or development in seasons 5-7. There’s also the issue that character focus and development doesn’t always feel consistent. As the lead, Don obviously gets the most focus, but other characters like Pete, Roger, Joan, Peggy, Betty, Sally etc. sometimes get a few episodes where they get a lot of attention and development, then they disappear or are barely present for the following 5 episodes. Despite this, Mad Men, still does character development better than almost any other show and episodes like 4x07 completely blow it out of the water.

I’m only on season 4 and there’s still 3 more seasons to go, but Don is already one of the most of the complex and well-written characters from any show I’ve ever watched. There’s always something new to learn about him and he’s so multi-layered that I don’t even think I could begin to unpick his character. Peggy’s arc is inspiring and empowering. But all of the characters are well-written regardless of whether I like them on a personal level or not. However, my personal favourites at the moment are: Pete, Joan, Betty, Don and Roger. I’m intruiged to finish the series and see where these characters end up. I’ve seen a couple of spoilers and already know that I’m going to be upset with how Betty’s story ends, but hopefully the other characters I love they will have a satisfying and deserving ending to their arcs. 

I do think that there could be more diversity within the cast and dare I say it, better representation. Given the period it’s set in, it would be interesting for a POC to be a series regular. I understand that the world of the “Mad Men” is one of white men and white priveledge. So it makes sense that the only times we  see people of colour is when they’re in the background working as maids, housekeepers, janitors etc. And in those moments, they’re purposefully portrayed as being invisible to show how overlooked, excluded and inferior they are in the eyes of the characters. But in my heart of hearts, I’d still love to see even one person of colour have a genuine arc and place on the show. Sal counts as LGBTQ representation, but sadly, his time on the show was so short-lived. As I say, I know that these omissions are deliberate because the characters are all wealthy, priveleged white people who embody the very idea of the “American Dream”, but I definitley think there’s more room to have explored these themes. Race, in particular, was such a huge factor in the 1960s that it’s strange to me that it’s practically non-existent and that there are only brief mentions or scenes that give a nod to the racial context of the period (e.g. when Carla is listening to MLK’s ‘I Have a Dream’ speech on the radio).

Mad Men also knows how to write relationships well, which I suppose is an extension of the characters. It’s strange, because I don’t ship anybody on the show because every single relationship is toxic, unequal or volatile in some way, but every single relationship is completely authentic. There’s no epic romances that are pushed in our faces or over-dramatised and cliche; every relationship is human in nature. The characters cheat and they enter into casual sexual relationships and both parties know exactly what the relationship is - it’s not a “real” relationship, it’s not marriage and it’s not love - yet the couple build a companionship and understanding which adds layers to it. We see this with Roger and Joan, Pete and Peggy, and Duck and Peggy, to name a few. Even the “proper” couples like Don and Betty, Pete and Trudy, Roger and Jane, Joan and Greg, aren’t relationships that are exactly happy or built on love. I think what the show does so well is show that the big, epic, fairytale romances we see in film and television, that most of us aspire to have, don’t exist. All of these characters don’t have sex, get married or enter into relationships because they’re head over heels in love and give each other butterflies and steal each other’s breath away - it’s because they happen to be in each others’ lives and over time develop some sort of connection that evolves from being in the same space on a daily basis. It’s really that simple. 

Overall, I think the show does a fantastic job at showing the way in which humans connect and the various levels that those connections can develop and grow. Most shows show three levels of relationships: family, friendship and romance. Mad Man exceeds this massively and is one of the few shows that I feel actually realistically portrays the nature of human relationships. Not every person in our lives slots neatly into one of those boxes - family, friendship, romance. In fact, most people don’t. Human emotions, bonds and relationships are much more complex than that. And when I see relationships like Peggy and Pete or Don and Anna, those are the sort of relationships that are so complex and real, but that don’t fit into any of those boxes. 

Mad Men is certainly a good show; it’s well written and I’m enjoying it, but for me personally, it doesn’t stand out as being a show that’s going to go onto my favourites list. I still have 3 seasons to go, so that might change, but stylistically it’s not my ideal kind of show. I love the character-orientated approach, but I do think that the lack of plot lets it down. I like to have a real story to get invested in but Mad Men just doesn’t really have one. 

So, those are my thoughts on the show so far. With any luck, I’ll finish the show over the Christmas holidays (however, I’ve become slightly preoccupied by The Witcher, oops) and will have more to share with you. 

Thank you for stopping by to ask this, anon, and I also wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year

[inayatnaz]

Yeah, it's her, Queen B from the Upper East side. For all those who didn't get that reference, she is a critically acclaimed part of Manhattan's elitist. So, this time I've tried to make an exception to the candids and the pretty smiles, to talk about someone who might have just partly become my new role model, if that makes sense.

                 Blair Cornelia Waldorf, portrayed by the beautiful, Leighton Meester, is not only a fitting example of the idiom "Beauty with brains", but also a driven, strong-willed woman with an impeccable taste in fashion. She has a flair for dramatic irony throughout the series, which when clubbed with her intelligence account for her title - Queen B. Many might claim, that all she is, is an uptight bitch who wants everyone to dance to her tune, making sure her word is final and binding. Not going to disagree with y'all on that, but is it that wrong to want to be like her? Maybe in an ideal world it is possible to be pleasing and street smart at the same time but does that apply to reality as well? I would like to make sure everyone understands that I don’t think she is perfect. Hell, no one is. After all, she is just a character in a TV sitcom. However, she is empowered, sophisticated and a virago in my eyes. All that, in an ideal sitcom, yes. But, the Upper East side isn’t an alternate universe. It’s a different world, with the same teenage goof ups, the same maddening society, the same conventional parents and the same crazy situations- with just a few million dollars.

                      Ignoring the digressions and coming back to the point. Yes, being self-righteous is not actually wrong. You see, no one gives a fuck about you. They really don’t. If family did, there wouldn’t have been any old age homes and orphanages and if friends did, well, most of you know Instagram better than I do so I guess you can figure that one out. Yet, I don’t really believe this statement just like many of you don’t. I believe friends and family can get you through any circumstance faced by mankind. So now when we’ve come to conclusion that people around you actually do care, why are we like this? Why are most of us hiding behind facades of flawless feeds or walls? Again, like I said it’s true for most of us, not all of us. For those who aren’t a part of the ‘most’, congratulations, you’ve already understood the point of this post, so you can scroll down. To all the others, let’s continue. To survive this century as a mature adult, you need to be street smart, the intellect of sweet fox will do, if you can imbibe that from somewhere. It’s not just about putting up a tough front and being a narcissistic bitch, it’s about realising what you want in life.  Life is beautiful, but didn’t someone once say ‘beauty lies in the eye of the beholder’?

                                               Now Blair here, is also delusional and adding to the misery, she is a hopeless romantic, which would work great for Cinderella, Ariel or Bella maybe. It did ultimately work out for Blair too but then we have the writer of this rant, sugar-coating her miseries but oh well! In the 18th year of my life on this Earth I’ve realised that being only humble never gets you anywhere. I mean you gain everlasting friendships, a little praise here and there and then…. nothing. I’ve realised that if someone belittled me right in front of my face, I wouldn’t even be able to retaliate. Hell, the other day I couldn’t even ask for the money one of my friends had borrowed when she had mistakenly forgotten to give it back. Anyway, that’s beside the matter at hand. It’s important to voice out your needs because no one gets premonitions these days and even if they did, its your fucking requirement. You also can’t expect stuff from people. Expectations from the people of this world should be equal to none, zilch, nada. Not because some of them are malevolent to the core but because presumptions lead to goof ups. See, you get one life (I may be wrong), so live it like its your last. Love yourself, even if you think no one else does. Struggle for what makes you happy. For some, having no alterations in their love lives since birth may also be a struggle. So what if your parents are only ones you exchange ‘I love you’s with? So what if your crush doesn’t like you back? He’s no Harry Styles and you’ll get better options. Don’t know when but, soon. You’ll be just fine without a certain him/her.  Fairy-tales aren’t possible because well, life is a race but then maybe your fairy-tale is in you being content with what you have struggled to achieve. This struggle might change you; it may transform you into a mutation of Blair Waldorf but hey, it isn’t that bad. You fought the right battles. You said the right ‘yes’ and right ‘nos. You gave the perfect comebacks. You were sassy with the mean girl of your college when she bullied your best friend. You were classy in front of the audience as you debated for your team. You were diplomatic when the interviewer snatched the ball from your court and turned the questions from easy to difficult. You stood your ground when your dad said ‘no’ and made sure he said ‘yes’ for same course after one week. You worked day and night for 3 years, irrespective of the sarcastic jibes of classmates and the forbidden pleasures to make your dreams come true. Sometimes you lied, misinformed, hid and backstabbed many as well. Of course, you’re sorry and the sentiment counts. But now see how you’re important and that past in the past. Blair transformed yours truly into a more cheeky and unrepressed version of herself so I’d advice you to go watch some Gossip Girl and learn some life lessons.  Ending this on a beautiful yet very priggish dialogue by Blair herself, “Destiny is for losers. Its just a lame excuse for letting things happen to you instead of making them happen” Also, sorry for the long caption, I hope it wasn’t much trouble and I hope you liked it. (Some habits die hard :))  

                                                                                                                      XOXO, yours truly.          

[candidcreature-blog1]

Unexpected Goodbye

Billy Hargrove x Female Reader

Summary: What could you have done differently? What could you have said to change the outcome? Was this all your fault? Looking back on your relationship with Billy, you try to pinpoint where it all went wrong. You try to pinpoint exactly where you lost him.

Warnings: swearing, mentions of sex

Word count: 5.3k

Read: Prologue

a/n: i can’t believe the first chapter is done. i feel like it took me forever. i read over it a million times, i’m happy to finally be posting it, lol. sorry it’s kinda long in this story, the reader likes to write and sketch, so i wanted to include some billy art i’ve found on tumblr that i love. the digital painting below is by @teenmomsteve. the original post is here. also you should check out her new etsy account. show her some love with a like and a reblog!!! ♥

—Chapter 1—

The day that Billy Hargrove arrived in Indiana, Hawkins was never the same. Hawkins High could talk of absolutely nothing else. All you heard walking down the halls that day was Billy this, and Billy that. The topic of him completely empowered any discussion at lunch. Doodles of his name cluttered the corners of all the girls’ notebooks. There was an eruption of giggles whenever he would walk by and wink at a group of girls. He was handsome. He was charming. He was mysterious. Every guy wanted to be him and every girl wanted to be with him. And everyone was asking the same questions about him. Where did he come from? Why did he move? How long would he stay? But most importantly, who would he date?

Steve and Billy’s big fight was almost a hotter topic than Billy himself. Of course, you heard about it. Everyone heard. The problem is, you didn’t really know how it happened. Everyone told the story differently. However, in every version of the story, Billy won. You assumed that that was probably the truth, given the condition of Steve’s face when he finally showed up at school. But the most amusing version of the story you heard was where Steve pulled a gun on Billy and pulled the trigger. Luckily, with Billy’s excellently swift feet, and his black belt in karate to prepare him for such a moment, he was able to dodge the bullet and seize the gun, getting it far out of Steve’s reach. After which, he pummeled Steve’s face in. That was a bit of a stretch, but you got a good laugh out of it.

The boy quickly rose to the top of the food chain as the King of Hawkins High. Surrounded by the coolest boys at school, people were practically jumping out of their way as they walked the halls together, making a ruckus all the way down. Girls made every attempt to get his attention. Guys puffed out their chests for the sake of their own dignity. But you, knowing that nothing good could come of giving in to Billy, had decided to keep your distance. When you saw him coming down the hall, you would walk the other way. When he made jokes in class, you would be the only one not to laugh.

You deemed yourself successful in all of your efforts to avoid him. But there was one, cold, December morning, that stuck out in your memory, where you had failed.

You were going about your daily routine, nothing out of the ordinary. Your best friend walked by your side as the two of you headed to your homeroom class. It was hard to remember exactly what you were discussing, but you remember laughing and shaking your head at her. The laughter must have let your guard down because you didn’t see him up ahead. You turned your head just far enough to the right to lock eyes with his. He was leaned against his locker, hands in his jean pockets. Surprisingly, this time, he wasn’t surrounded by his usual posse, he wasn’t flirting with everything that had boobs, and he wasn’t making all the noise in the world, trying to draw attention to himself. But what surprised you the most was that he didn’t look away. Neither did you. The intangible contact hit you like a ton of bricks, but still, you held it. You felt an uncomfortable twinge in your chest. You were taken back to the night of the Halloween party.

The memories flooded your mind.

“That boy is something else,” she said as she shook her head in disbelief, biting her lip. Elaine Thompson was mesmerized by his glistening abdomen underneath the black leather jacket. You and she had been dancing since the party started and were taking a break near the punch bowl in the kitchen. All she could do was openly ogle at him from afar. You glanced over at him as he danced amidst the sweaty bodies in the living room. His chest really was mesmerizing… But you pretended not to care. You knew if you stared too long, it would be dangerously difficult to look away. You took a sip of punch and decided to purposefully look absolutely anywhere else.

Elaine took notice of your intentionality and looks over at you. “You know, it really wouldn’t kill you to admire the view. I mean, everyone else is.”

You smile and poke fun at her. “Don’t you know, it’s impolite to stare.”

“Oh, whatever!” She hits you playfully. “Besides,” she added with a wink, “You look hot. He’d be lucky to catch you staring at him.”

You decided to dress up as Alex Owens from Flashdance. The costume would be fairly laid back, and you already had most of what you needed in your closet. You chose a long, heather gray sweatshirt that landed just above your mid thigh. It hung in such a way that enticingly exposed your left shoulder. You wore the perfect red pointed heels and had to wear tights to cover your legs in the cold weather. You accessorized with a bangle and earrings that dangled. For your lips, you chose a soft red color and teased your hair to match hers. You had to admit: You looked good, and you felt even better.

“I guess, I do look pretty good.” You both giggle. “But I’m sure Billy has a hundred other girls on his radar. There’s no way he would notice little ol’ me.” You say this with a feigned air of innocence that made Elaine roll her eyes and reach for more punch. “Plus, I don’t think I would catch his eye, standing next to you anyway.”

Elaine didn’t put much thought into her costume this year. But still wanting to turn heads, she did just that. She wore a black leotard with fishnet tights and a black coat to keep her warm. Atop her head were a pair of bunny ears, and below her back, a bunny’s tail. Make-up simply done, her curls flowed freely beside her face.

She looks down at her costume, and then back at yours. “Fair point.” Your gaping mouth made her laugh. She places her hand on her hip and jokingly says, “I guess, I should leave then.”

Elaine sips her drink and turns to walk away, but something stops her. She looks over in Billy’s direction and freezes, the cup still up to her mouth. “Oh my god. Don’t look now, but he’s staring at you.”

You froze. You couldn’t believe your ears. Was Billy staring at you? Maybe you weren’t hearing her correctly. She was talking with a cup in her mouth after all.

“What?”

“You heard me! He’s staring at you! He’s staring right at you!” She continues to muffle into the cup, then quickly glances down so as to not give the two of you away.

“There’s no way he’s looking at me.”

Elaine sneaks a glance back at him and lets out a sigh. “Okay, he’s not looking anymore.”

You sigh of relief as well and try to dismiss the topic. “I’m sure he was looking at the girl behind me or something.”

As if on cue, you hear a sound behind you that makes both of you cringe. The two of you slowly turn around. Jessica Miller was bent over the kitchen sink, clutching her stomach, hurling everything she had eaten and drank that night.

“Yeah. He was definitely looking at the girl behind you,” Elaine remarks.

As soon as she whips back around, she lets out a small gasp. “He’s looking at you again!” She cocks her head to the side a bit and chuckles. “And he is not being shy about it.”

You try to look busy by pretending to be intensely interested in your cup, trying to move your lips as little as possible, lest he thinks you’re having a conversation with your beverage. You desperately ask your friend what you should do.

“Look back at him!”

Glancing down at your hands, fidgeting with them, you contemplate taking her advice. Of course, you wanted to look back at him. The hottest boy in Hawkins was looking you up and down. All of the girls were vying for his affection, and he was looking at you. If this was any other girl, they would probably be in his arms right now. What was holding you back?

What did you have to lose?

Maybe it was this thought—and everything you had to drink that night—that gave you the confidence to look up.

You shoot your eyes up to meet his. You smile, matching his own.

And after that moment, the rest of the night felt like a dream.

As you and Billy danced, not a second went by where he didn’t have his hands on your hips or an arm around your shoulder. When he won a round of beer pong, for the eighth time in a row, it was you that he drunkenly grabbed to share a messy, celebratory kiss. The night was sprinkled with short, heated make-out sessions until Tommy dragged him away and off to win another party game. There was a moment when he hoisted you up on his shoulder as the crowd of people chanted his name. The smile on your face couldn’t be wider as you laughed, and you couldn’t be happier. You were also really drunk.

Toward the end of the night, you two were on the makeshift dance floor again when Billy started to get a little handsy. He pressed himself against your backside and let his hands wander. Normally, you wouldn’t allow behavior like that, but you were having too much fun, so you let it slide. After a minute or two, he leaned down to whisper in your ear. His voice was rough, deep, enticing. He suggested you two continue the party at his place.

Alone.

Your heart did black flips. You turn around to face him, biting your lip and nodding, giving him the answer he wanted.

You excuse yourself to use the restroom, but instead, run to find your best friend. When you found her, she was in a corner in the dining room, making out with Eric, one of the Johnson twins. Not sure of what to say, you grab her arm and yank her away, earning a disappointed look from him. Elaine just laughed. Her words came out in a slur. “That is the second twin I’ve made out with tonight!”

Oh, good. She was hammered too.

“You made out with Evan too?”

“Yeah… I think…” She looks back at Eric, squinting her eyes. She seemed as if she was thinking really hard about something. “I keep getting them confused.”

When she looks back at you, the two of you burst out into laughter. Trying to regain composure, you were dying to tell her what Billy just asked of you. Once you finally got the words out, she let out the most dramatic gasp, but then brought her words down to a whisper. “You’re going to give up your flower?” She seemed so shocked. “And with King Bad Boy. You’re a dirty girl.” Her eyebrows danced as she said this.

“Don’t call it that!” You scolded, although you couldn’t help a small chuckle from escaping your lips. “And don’t call him that.”

“What happened to all that talk about ‘waiting for the right one’ or ‘my prince will come, one day!’” Elaine had always made fun of you for that. She lost her virginity in eighth grade to Drew Davis, the class clown. He was cute. At the time.

You rolled your eyes, acting frustrated. “I might as well get it over with. I’m probably the only junior in school who hasn’t had sex yet. Plus, when am I going to have another opportunity like this? I mean, this is Billy we’re talking about!” If you were completely sober, you weren’t sure if you would go for this. But right now, you weren’t sober, and you wanted to go for it.

Elaine let out a throaty groan, “Ugh, I’ll bet he’s amazing in bed. Fuck, I am so jealous of you right now.”

“So… you think I should go?”

“Of course, I think you should go! Go, get your man!” Elaine gives you an encouraging shove and you smile. She began scanning the crowd, looking for Eric—or Evan—again. Walking away, she shouts, “You better not be too drunk to give me the details tomorrow!”

Your smile widened. This was unbelievable. You were going home with Billy Hargrove. Billy fucking Hargrove.

You run to the restroom to check your makeup before heading back to the spot where you left him. With every step you took, chills went up and down your spine. Your heart was beating faster and faster. You couldn’t tell if you were sweating because of all the dancing you’d done, or because of how nervous and excited you were. You finally arrive at your destination.

But Billy was nowhere to be seen.

Confused, you look around at the crowd, but you didn’t spot him. You ask people nearby, but everyone just shrugged and kept dancing. You decide to take a look through the house. You check the kitchen, the dining room, the restroom, the backyard, the front yard but you didn’t find him anywhere.

Spotting Tommy outside, you run over to him. He had his arm around Carol, laughing with a group of guys. If anyone knew where Billy was, it would be him.

“Figured he was with you.” He just smiled and winked. “You two have been attached at the hip all night. Didn’t think Billy was the type to get hooked so quickly, but maybe you’re special or something.” He took another drink of his beer like he hadn’t just said something that rocked your world, and turned his attention back to the guys. Immediately, you start beaming, and then Carol piped in.

“Actually, I saw him head upstairs earlier.” She wore a wide grin. “Maybe he just couldn’t wait to get you home.” Was she ever not chewing gum? Motioning her head to an upstairs window, she said, “You should head up there. I bet he’s waiting for you right now.”

Your heart still beating and your stomach in knots, you stared at the mountain before you. Who knew stairs could look like such an obstacle? You stumbled a bit as you climbed, having to hold the railing to make it to the stop safely, leaving the party behind you. On your right, you saw a restroom and the door to a bedroom. The door was ajar. It was wide enough to peer inside without moving too far. No Billy. On your left, there was a short hallway with three doors, two on the right, and one at the end.

You open the first door to reveal an office and no Billy. You open the second door that leads to a storage room and no Billy. It must be the last door. You step slowly toward the door. With your hand on the doorknob, you take a deep breath and turn it clockwise. Before you can open the door, you hear something that brings your world crashing down.

“Oh, Billy.”

You freeze. Pressing your ear to the door, you hear the unmistakable sounds of the creaking of a bed and a headboard slamming against the wall. And the continuous moans of one Jessica Miller. Incapable of hearing anymore, you turn away. Not sure of how to think or feel, you rush down the stairs and out the front door, desperate for fresh air. Looking up at the sky, you release a breath you didn’t even realize you were holding.

Honestly, what did you expect? He’s a bad boy. This is what bad boys do. They make you feel beautiful, wanted, and special. They bring you to the top of the world, just to bring you crashing down. They put you on a pedestal and make you feel like their one and only, and for what? Just to get in your pants? Unless of course, you’re not quick enough. Then he’ll just fuck the next girl in line.

You almost gag as you remember watching Jessica puking into the kitchen sink.

Looking back at the house, you see that the party inside is still alive. You should go back in and enjoy yourself. You shouldn’t let a boy ruin your whole night. But if you were being honest with yourself, all you wanted now was to be home.

Elaine was definitely too intoxicated to drive, and probably making out with one of the twins in the backseat of someone’s car anyway. Not in the mood to search for a ride, you head inside to grab your coat and begin the walk home. You barely make it fifteen minutes before taking your heels off. You shiver as your feet hit the icy sidewalk.

Almost frozen solid when you arrive home, you silently crept up the stairs so as to not wake your brother. Your parents were heavy sleepers. Your brother was the one you were really worried about.

You close the door to your bedroom behind you, toss your heels to the side, and crawl under the covers. It took you a second to realize you still had your coat on. Still shivering from the night, you decide to leave it on.

As you lay there, the highlights of the night replayed in your head. Dancing with Elaine. Locking eyes with Billy. Never leaving his side. Jessica moaning his name.

She probably puked again after that.

Your chest tightened as you felt embarrassment wash over you. You had fallen for that bad boy act that your parents had raised you to beware. Not to mention, just about the entire high school watched as you followed Billy around like a lost puppy. They all probably saw him take Jessica upstairs too, seemingly tossing you aside.

You heaved a heavy sigh and cleared your mind, grateful that sleep came fast and quick.

As you passed him in the hall, your eyes land on the floor. Then, you quickly turned to Elaine to see if she noticed. She was still continuing the previous conversation the two of you were having.

Just as you were about to turn the corner, you snuck a peek back at him. You watched the back of his denim jacket as he walked in the opposite direction.

After that day, you didn’t really see much of him anymore.

The rest of the school year was a blur filled with excessive studying and frequent visits to the library. Rumors and stories about Billy getting into fights or taking another girl home would still circle back to you, but they died down a few months before June. Elaine couldn’t stop talking about how excited she was for summer. She wanted to take a road trip up to Michigan City with you and Eric, to visit her grandparents for a week.

After the Halloween party, Eric and Elaine really hit it off. At first, you thought it was strange how comfortable Eric was with the fact that she made out with him and his brother. But as it turns out, he was the only twin she was with that night. Evan was sick at home with the flu. Now, they were dating. He treated her well, and you could tell that she was really happy.

You accompanied Elaine to the graduation ceremony to watch Eric walk across the stage. The ceremony was held in the gymnasium and there was no stage. But Elaine deemed it more formal to say “My boyfriend will be walking across the stage” than “My boyfriend will be walking across the gym.” While she was at it, she crowned you the designated picture taker. You didn’t mind. You actually found it to be a lot of fun. But if it weren’t for her, you wouldn’t have come. You weren’t too keen on seeing Billy walk across the stage to receive his diploma. Seeing him still made your heart flutter a bit, which annoyed you very much. You wondered if every other girl in Hawkins High felt that way when they saw him.

When his name was finally called, you watched him stand up from the front row of bleachers and walk toward the center to shake hands with the dean and receive his diploma. Strangely enough, there was no pep in his step as he walked. You thought about this for a moment, but then quickly brushed it off.

You wondered what was next for Billy Hargrove. There was no chance in hell he was going to stay in Hawkins. That boy was meant for the big city, not a small town. Everyone figured he would move back to California the day after he graduated. He probably already had everything packed and couldn’t wait to get out of Hawkins.

After the ceremony, you made sure to take plenty of photos of Eric and Elaine. She must have posed a hundred times before she was satisfied with all the silly photos of her and her boyfriend. The three of decided to celebrate at Bo’s Diner, inviting a few extra friends to tag along. You made sure to take more pictures there, per request of Elaine.

“You have a better eye for pictures than I do!” She exclaimed.

“I feel like you’re just telling me that so you can be in all the photos.”

She giggled but didn’t deny it.

Over the summer, Elaine’s plans to visit her grandparents came to fruition. Eric offered to use his car and Evan came along for the ride too. It was supposed to be some sort of double date thing that Elaine planned. You were open to the idea. Why not? However, Evan seemed a bit reluctant to go, and you quickly realized why. He was extremely shy. You could barely get the guy to open up. He would use one or two-word sentences as answers, so a conversation with him barely lasted a few minutes. It’s not like you were asking him about his deepest darkest secrets. You asked him about his hobbies or plans for the future. Occasionally, you would receive a shrug for an answer. After a while, you stopped trying, grateful that you had brought a book to keep you company on the four-hour drive. Needless to say, it wasn’t going to work out.

You remember writing a poem about how awkward you had felt.

As far as the actual trip went, you had a blast. You’d known Elaine since seventh grade but had never gotten the chance to come up here when she visited. She always came back with souvenirs for you and stories to tell. The day finally came for you to meet her grandparents and they were amazing. Her grandmother’s cooking was to die for, and her grandfather had intense stories to tell about the war that had everyone’s interest peaked. Everyone but Elaine. She’d already heard them a million times.

They owned a home right on the edge of Lake Michigan. The three of you spent a lot of time on the beach, building sandcastles or taking a swim. You remember some late nights where Elaine would pop popcorn for movie watching and an early morning when you had stepped outside to sketch the view. One of the days, the four of you took the hour drive to Chicago to explore the city. It was truly an unforgettable experience. You had only hoped Evan enjoyed it as much as you did.

Compared to the trip, the rest of the summer was pretty mundane. You got a summer job at a Mama Mia’s Pizza, where you worked mornings and sometimes mid-day. It wasn’t the best job, tips weren’t that great, and getting to work was a pain. Most days you would ride your bike, or your brother would give you rides on his days off. But watching your sixth college fund jar fill up, little by little, is what gave you the motivation to get up every morning. You would have more, but your parents insisted you only work during the summers, so you could focus wholeheartedly on your studies during the school year. You would have put up more of a fight about this, but they had been setting aside money for college for years now, so you obliged.

Elaine spent most of her summer days with Eric. He would leave for Purdue University at the end of the summer to study engineering. It was only a couple hours out of town, and she told you they were going to try long-distance. Since she was otherwise occupied, you spent most of your nights reading a book, drawing up another sketch, or dozing off in front of the television. Or writing poetry if you were otherwise inspired.

One night, you were sitting in your usual spot in front of the television. NBC was playing re-runs of Cheers. You weren’t really watching anymore though. Somewhere in the middle of the episode, your mind had started to wander and you thought of Billy. You wondered what he could be doing at that moment. Then you figured, he was probably soaking up the California sun by day and partying hard by night.

You knew that there must be more to him than just that pretty face. He must have goals and plans for the future. You wondered, what were his dreams and aspirations? What college did he want to attend? What motivated him to get up every morning? You wished you had gotten the chance to ask him these questions, just out of curiosity.

When school started up again, everything seemed to be quiet again, back to the way it was before Billy showed up. You hated to admit it, but school had seemed a bit boring. Although he did cause a lot of trouble, Billy brought a lot of excitement to this small town as well. You had almost missed hearing the stories and rumors about him and the gang vandalizing property. Or hearing the smart remarks he made in class that sometimes ended in a visit to the dean’s office. Or rolling your eyes at his hooting and hollering down the halls of the school.

You tried to push him out of your mind. It’s not like he was in California missing you, or anything.

Elaine practically slammed her lunch tray in front of you, thrilled to tell you the rumor she heard that day.

“Did you hear about Billy?” The day you tried to forget him is the day that Elaine brought him up.

“No.” You attempted to sound disinterested, playing with your food instead.

“He’s still in Hawkins!”

This made you stop, mid-chew, and glance up from the watered down macaroni and cheese. She continued. “Heather told me she saw him at Bert’s yesterday. He works there!”

Confused, you asked, “Bert’s Auto Repair? What was Heather doing there?”

“Her parents bought her a car at the end of the summer. Needed some fixing up, so she took it in,” she said dismissively with a wave of her hand. “Who cares? Billy Hargrove is still in Hawkins! Isn’t that crazy?”

Yes. It was very crazy. You, and probably the rest of the school, were sure he would have gotten out of here as soon as graduation day.

What on earth was Billy Hargrove still doing in Indiana?

Billy occupied your thoughts for the rest of that school day. So much for forgetting about him.

With your studies as an adequate distraction, you tried not to think of Billy. More importantly, you were focused on making sure you were acing every class, like always. Since Eric was at Purdue, you and Elaine spent more time together. During the first week of school, you two had made a few new friends as well. Your mom even allowed you to babysit occasionally, as long as it didn’t get in the way of schoolwork, which meant more money going into the college fund.

Before you knew it, a month flew by, and it was already September.

You remember the day. It was Friday, September 6, 1985. You had decided to bike to the library.

During the school year, visiting the library on Fridays is something you did fairly often. Most kids made plans on Friday afternoons and evenings, using the earlier days in the week for studying. This ensured the library wouldn’t be busy and you would be able to have some time to yourself. It was a good place to sketch or write without worry of being disturbed. You hadn’t gotten a chance to since school started, so you were eager to get going.

There was plenty of room in the library for reading or working on homework, but you had a favorite spot. It was a table in the back, a bit secluded from the group of tables in the center. It was a simple corner with a small table and two chairs to match. A window sat beside it. There wasn’t much of a view. All that was visible through it was the road to the library and the grass leading up to it. But that didn’t matter. What mattered was that whenever you sat in that seat, sketchpad or notebook stretched before you, the creative juices would flow more easily to you. You would say that some of your best work was done there, and you couldn’t quite explain why. Maybe it was the way the sun shone through the window straight onto the table top. Maybe it was the old, rustic look of the table that made you think of faraway places. Whatever the reason, it had kept you coming back for so long.

It was a place where you felt comfortable, at ease. It was somewhere you could escape and be alone with your thoughts. It was a safe haven, a sort of a refuge, hidden from the world.

After chaining your bike up, you walked up the steps and through the front doors. You said hello to the librarian’s friendly face that you knew so well. She had seen you come in too many times to count. She greeted you as she usually did, with a wide smile.

You walked in the direction of your corner, stopping by the section that contained books on art. You had combed through these a million times, but snatched a rather large one titled “Learn to Draw Eyes in a Week.” You needed to practice those anyway. You crossed your arms, hugging the book to your chest.

Turning around the bookshelf, you were surprised to find that you weren’t greeted by an empty chair.

Having not yet noticed your presence, you watched as his dirty blonde curly head looked out the window. He was slouched in his chair, legs extended before him with one ankle crossed over the other. His arms were crossed against his chest, and he wore a navy blue mechanic coverall suit. His hair seemed to have grown since the last time you saw him. Was it possible that he had gotten buffer?

It was such a beautiful picture. He seemed at peace. You longed to sit back and draw up a sketch but thought about how awkward it might be if he caught you. Instead, you silently crept back with the intention of turning the corner and leaving him be.

You were almost there when you attempted to rush around the corner, but the book you held caught on the edge of the shelf and launched out of your hands. It landed with a loud thud. He whipped his head around at the same time your face turned a deep shade of red.

You scrambled to retrieve the book, and when you looked up, Billy Hargrove’s startled eyes bore into you.

chapter 2 coming soon! eventually let me know what you think! xoxo

[mypencildotcom]

Miss India Earth Alankrita talks to Mypencildotcom about her Inspiring Life Journey

Mypencildotcom: Please tell us your story about the Lokhandwala market incident & then denying the ad for A well-known brand in Thailand?

Alankrita: Well long story short Me and my best friend were shopping as we had heard a lot about the market, we decided to take a look and see what the craze is all about. Indeed it was a delight. We shopped a lot but were so picky that we at least took a couple of rounds back and forth. Someone had an eye out for us or probably just noticed us and walked up to us and did pat me from the back and I was taken aback. Coming from Delhi it’s a defense mechanism to be ready to beat them up Incase they Harass you, that wasn’t the case here. He was polite and was a casting agent. He mentioned the details about the tvc and told me to come and audition as I had a pretty face and I should try and act. He did ask me if I had any prior experiences or did any course. To his surprise I did, for that, I thank my parents and teachers and educational institutions and my classical dancing. I was pretty shocked though to have been stopped and asked to come in and test for it my best friend was the opposite she was super excited about the whole thing for me and was the one to push me to go ahead and she would accompany me as my guardian. And there I was saying my name age height and profile on aboard.

I did my part and walked out after filling an excel sheet. A few days later I got a call back saying I was selected and had to come in to meet the direction team and do my trials for the outfits and send and my passport copy. I was flabbergasted because I thought it was some trap like you at times see in films. I had every possible notion in my head from kidnapping to what not rush to my membranes in milliseconds to stop my from doing it and yes I was unaware, I was extremely grateful but scared at the same time and I had not informed my parents either so I skipped it and said no. But that incident was special and scary for a young kid who got lucky. And here I am today !! That was my calling in a way but I neglected the signs from the universe.

Mypencildotcom: Pls, tell us about your Journey to Miss India.

Alankrita: It was eventful and interesting. My best friend again played a major role in this, she sent my pictures that my bosses had nudged me to get clicked while I was working with a corporate and they kept feeding the idea that I should try my luck in the industry. So I did a few gigs too before miss India even happened, some were great some were mistakes. And then my BFF filled my form and sent it across to miss India after I showed her my folio, she was so happy I got them clicked that she just couldn’t resist her butterfingers.

She is gorgeous but told me you have the courage and the will to do it and make this happen for all of us (this was after I found out she had done what comes next ) I got a call from them for the final rounds in Mumbai and I was surprised as it wasn’t me who filled the form but then they were requesting for some more details and also confirmed my email with me to send me the requirements that were necessary for me to have for the final round in Mumbai and guess what it was an email I’d that was mine but not mine it was ours and that’s how I knew it was her who had been Mischievous lately. And then she and my friends convinced me to go ahead and make them proud and so I tried and succeeded. It was a great experience and very different for me too keeping in mind I was a total tomboy. A lot of transformation took place.

Mypencildotcom: Initially, almost 10,000 + Girls competing to get into the top 16 of Miss India, pls share about that moment of observation & how you overcome those fears/challenges?

Alankrita: It was a fulfilling experience. Seeing so many beautiful women vying for the same crown can be overwhelming. But I always believed that no matter what I won’t let people and their negativity get to me. Even if it meant to have a shield on to protect my little fragile heart which is equally strong but didn’t want to be hurt or involved in petty politics. Most of the time I was seen as a threat but also was seen as someone who is fiercely guarded and arrogant or rude because I had my walls high and hardly let people in until u could trust them. I had a blast no doubt but I was always aware that I’m here to have fun and compete and if I don’t make it it’s not the end of the world. I was extremely driven and I learned so much from the girls from my batch.

Fear is inevitable but the courage to overcome it is even more challenging but that’s what tests our willpower and how much we truly love ourselves and are ready to accept it than run away from it and fight back. I have been a fighter always. I can’t give up on people or situations. I find it hard at times to let go which is not good at times too. But I learned how to be kinder to myself and others and I learned more about how fear is mostly self-created than absorbed than handed to us. The power of NO and the Power to draw my boundaries is what I learned. I dint overcome them overnight it’s a process. I was just happy to be there and was grateful for them to see something in me and push me ahead.

Mypencildotcom: How was your experience working in the film love per square foot and how did you get it.

Alankrita: It was exhilarating and divine. It was my first project. What do you think? I was so happy I also had a lucky charm back then that I thought helped me get it. Haha. But it was a delight. The team was warm and super professional at the same time.

Our casting director honey Trehan Ji called me for an audition, I gave it, and months down the line I forgot about it thinking I didn’t get it. So I got a call back to test with Vicky and our brilliant director Anand Tiwari. And bam after a few days I get a call back from Anand saying we all are convinced you are our Rashi for the film and he took a leap of faith in me and so did Ronny sir and I guess it was meant to be then.

Mypencildotcom: In one of the interviews, you had mentioned that you always wanted to become an IAS Or IFS Officer? How things changed from that to being in the industry?

Alankrita: Yes I did have dreams about serving my nation and making India proud. I wanted my name to be associated with some form of glory when it came to my nation because both my grandfathers served the nation. It was an honor to have known them. Seeing them listening to them made me want to. But then destiny had other plans as I mentioned above and I became a Miss India Winner and Won 7 titles for my county and made my people proud in some way and even today I continue to serve my people in whatever way I can as a human being it doesn’t just end here.

Mypencildotcom: The Video album with Himesh Reshammiya, “AAP Se Mausiquii”, How was it working for a video album.

Alankrita: To be launched by one of India’s superstar singers and composer, having T series as the label and Amitabh Ji along with other celebrities come in support and launch the album on a huge scale was nice and as a newcomer. I felt welcomed and appreciated.

Mypencildotcom: Do you feel India is changing as Nation, and being an Independent woman is very important?

Alankrita: India is changing slowly and steadily. Change is inevitable and will always push the comfort zones of many people who are inherently avid supporters of the Patriarchal societal norms. Well, women have always had the power but they lacked the Courage because we were condemned or some powerful women were condoned. Some were confined to rituals and norms and were told to keep shut and just follow the lead by men and women alike. Women are the co-creators Nurturers and harbingers. So what’s changed is … awareness, acceptance of less than has changed to we are equals, education, self-realization, and definitely many other mediums have helped them see who they truly are. Women are Saraswati Lakshmi Durga and have all the Devi’s inside them hence our power had been taken away from us because people are scared to see women in power!

Women are now standing up for themselves and many can’t digest that and I feel sorry for them. We just want to lead beside you and be respected for our decisions, dressing, and demands. We are not here to compete we are already winning at life while we multitask but we are here to be your equal, love our sexuality and our beauty, and be your strength. We are fearless now and that changes a lot of things for people including women who condemn and bitch about other women too in their respective households. We need to be empowered by empowering each other rather than turning our backs and name-calling one another. Don’t let them have the power to discourage you or defame you.

Mypencildotcom: Where do you see yourself 10 years down the line?

Alankrita: Happily married with kids. Running a successful business and doing interiors As well As an actor Successful and loved by people. Healthy and Wiser

Mypencildotcom: One message for Mypencildotcom magazine readers & Viewers?

Alankrita: Stay at home and get vaccinated. Be kinder to yourself and others, we tend to be harsh given the circumstances and the frustration. Even Instagram can make you have an identity crisis looking at all the glitz and glam but you are as precious as anyone with a blue tick. You are unique and have your calling. Help as much as you can. Don’t be in a hurry. I love you and I will keep doing my best to make you proud and make you fall in love with me more.

[deathbyfics]

Love for the Final XO

I didn’t want to lose these or leave them to rot in my inbox or not acknowledge them or delete them. I want to keep these forever because they’ve truly meant the world to me and I love each and every one. You guys have really shown me such love and support and I can’t express how grateful I am. 

So this is just going to be a massive post of responses I got from the final. No URLS will be posted. 

Thank you thank you thank you! xx

Hi! I've just finished the last chapter and it really moved me. I loved every second of Hide and XO and, let me tell you, you wrote a perfect end. I'm aware that you struggled while you were working on the fic and I saw it reflected in it. I really hope you listen to your own words and keep going on despite whatever happens in your life. Keep being positive and keep doing whatever makes you happy. Once again, thank you so much for writing such a beautiful story and congratulations on it. Lots of love from Spain ❤️

Oh my goodness, the final chapter is up. I've grown up with this fic. It helped me come to terms with and embrace my sexuality. I...just need a moment before I jump in. Thank you for everything.

I stop reading fanfics about one direction a long time ago but for some reason I always kept up with yours. I think it was they way it had them in it but it wasn’t solely about the band and it was way more realistic then an other story i have ever read them. It was truly an amazing and beautiful story thank you for continuing to write it all these years , I’ll truly miss it.

I cried throughout for Avery, Harry & their families, a bittersweet ending for a couple who had faced all that life had thrown at them with such strength, togetherness & love. They really were there for it all. Madeline's wedding was beautiful & the letter from Avery was perfect, but my god you really got me with the letter to Harry. I've loved, cried & laughed over this past 4 years sharing in their story, thank you so much Bee it's been one hell of a journey & I've enjoyed every single part❤️

I've been reading Hide since it first started and you would update every Friday. At that time I was so unhappy with my life and the situation I was in and Hide was one of the only things that I looked forward to each week. 4 years later I've much happier with my life but I've still always looked forward to all your Hide updates. You wrote an amazing story that inspired me and helped my confidence at a time when I desperately needed it. Hide is so much more than 'fanfic' to me, it will always Stick with me and I will always remember it as one of my favourite pieces of writing I've ever read. The last part was heartbreaking but fitting and you should be so proud of the world you created with Hide Bee. Xx

Oh my gosh you ruined me. But in the best way possible, I think? You are truly talented. Keep writing, my love. Congrats on closing this beautiful chapter of your life. I wish you nothing but the best. Thank you for it all. Even though I've been continuously bawling for 2+ hours. I think I'll be crying for a long time.

Words are hard to come by for me but I just want to THANK YOU for all the hours and all the days (and years) of dedication you've put into Hide. I loved every second of it, it's been a wild ride and the ending was super hard and emotional (I was in tears, actually fucking tears) but I feel like it was the perfect ending to their story. SO THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU. I will never forget their story, never, ever.

Bee, I just want to thank you with all my heart for creating Hide. I've learned so much from it since I started reading it in my first year of uni. I identified so much with Avery's insecurities, realized that I needed to work on my self-love, and have been working and growing since. I'm so grateful that I've been able to read this beautiful story you've written. Thank you thank you thank you. I don't doubt that you'll accomplish your dreams as a writer from this. i wish you all the best <3

I am sitting here in TEARS reading the last part of this. It's so beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing this piece of art with us. It truly as been an amazing ride and I'm so touched with the story. The end of an era!!!

Wow... Where to start? I'm sobbing in tge bathtub here. That was amazing and beautiful and sad and perfect. You were one of the first authors I ever read like 5 years ago when I first got into this fandom. I rec hide to anyone who will listen and even those who won't. Avery and Harry were so real. You made them come alive and gave them real world problems. I love their kids and their life. This was an amazing perfect ending. Tears and all. Thank you.

Literally sobbing. I can't say I loved it bc I don't think anyone could love reading about someone dying. Especially someone who they've grown to love as a character. However, it was beautifully written and a beautiful ending to a love story that was bigger then anyone. I can appreciate the way you wanted it to end, and there's nothing I can do to change it. But thank you for bringing Harry and Avery to us. The fact that it made me physically sad means you've done your job as a writer. All the❤️

Okay I just finished it and I had a serious panic attack just now. It definitely wasn't compeltely from reading it (I had one this morning too) so don't feel bad but it triggered me and I couldn't catch my breath there for a bit. Now that I'm calmer HOLY SHIT BEE! What a beautiful story. I can't believe I've been here since you started it, before that even. The Harry that you've created is almost exactly like how I imagine he is in real life so good job on that! I think Avery has the best  character development in the story. She's real and struggles with self love just like the rest of us but she learns to love herself and be confident. I still remember the feeling I'd get when you'd upload a new chapter. I would get all excited and I would read it in one sitting (thats like 2 hours). Today I felt different when I saw that you finished it. I knew it was going to be the end and I didn't want to be sad. I think that even though the ending has really gotten to me, I understand why  I understand why you ended it like that. You are real and this story is real and so you weren't going to end it all happily ever after. Avery got her happy ending in a twisted way and this story IS and always has been Avery's story. Seriously, thank you so much for sharing their world with us. And thank you for seeing your vision through instead of changing things to please other people. Please give us a heads up before you remove it once and for all cause I'd really like to reread it again. 

The fact I started reading Hide three years ago and how much has changed since then is crazy to think about, but all I can say that you have created something so so beautiful. I've been sobbing for the last few hours, more than I've ever cried from any published fiction. Thank you for creating Harry & Avery. For describing a love so fierce and powerful that inspires me to settle for nothing less. Thank you thank you thank you.

the ending was so beautiful, i took my time reading carefully to soak it all up. and i haven’t stopped crying since, thank you so much for giving us this 💖

I'm full on crying. I couldn't finish reading it because it literally hurt so much but you're such an amazing writer!

i haven't been able to stop crying oh my god that was intense. YOU MY FRIEND ARE SO GIFTED IN WRITING

you actual cold hearted bitch (i'm just kidding i love you so much) how dare you

I'm halfway reading through the last chapter and I literally cannot finish it. I'm an emotional wreck as I type this to you. My eyes are all puffy and my nose is running. I needed a break before I continue reading but I just wanted to say I love how beautiful you made Harry and Avery. From the beginning of Hide, I never thought I'd see them as an unconditionally loving couple. Also, bee this fanfic has helped me open up to my being honest with my feelings and to being affectionate. Thank you.

We're just gonna act like I wasn't crying my eyes out the entire time. That being said it was so beautifully written like all of your work is.

It's hard to form into words how sentimental I feel toward Harry and Avery. Hide feels like more than a fic to me, I guess. I've followed them for as long as I can remember, I would get so excited seeing you post a new chapter each week. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. You created a beautiful story and I will be forever attached to Havery. Xx

I just finished "Summer" and i'm a mess and have no words. I just wanna thank you for such a beautiful story and wish you very good luck in life, Bee. And i sincerely hope you get to, one day, write a book because you can fucking write!! xx

I have been following this blog now for a little over two years now and I have never, ever felt so many emotions in one story in my whole life. No book, no fan fiction, nothing has ever come close to this before. As a young, aspiring writer I want to say thank you. Thank you for sharing your work with people. Thank you for creating such developed, mature and realistic characters. Thank you for making a fictional character be an inspirational and empowering woman who I admire. Hide has been the best piece of writing that I have ever read not just from a fanfic standpoint but from a romance story. So bravo, Hide was really, truly incredible work. Really well done with everything. I admire you and hope that you will continue writing more in the future, I will be first in line at any book signings. Well done and thank you again, Bee. x

Bee, I wasn't ready. Was not prepared in the least. I cried the entire time, literally felt like I was going through it with them. I'll miss Harry and Avery so much. I was reading back on your old blog when you were updating each chapter. I want to say the story was only maybe 10 chapters in when I found it and have been with it ever since. My fav story/characters of all time. You are so talented and I'm so happy I got to come along on this journey. Thank you! xoxo

I'm a blubbering mess. Bee, words don't do that final chapter justice. It was perfect. I've been an avid follower and reader of your fics since the good ole' days of your Can't Do Better series. When you first started Hide, I instantly fell in love with Harry and Avery's story and would find myself yearning for Sunday to come around so I could read the latest chapter. Knowing that I was about to read the last ever installment of Harry and Avery's journey, my emotions/expectations were all over the place however your writing once again blew me away and exceeded every expectation I didn't even know I had. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Please continue to write, you truly have an amazing gift. Congratulations on finally finishing XO!!! It truly is an end of an era...excuse me while I cry my eyes out a bit more haha xx

How. How. How could you do this to me? I swear I haven't stopped crying. This is just heartbreaking ... your writing is absolutely beautiful. My mom died 12 years ago and left me and my two brothers and I related to Maddie so so much BecaSe I got married 2 years ago. And my dad is my hero so watching him go through that and now reading this has brought back so many memories that are just heartbreaking but that remind me that time heals all wounds.Thank you for this even if my eyes are swollen🙈

That felt so real? I feel like Im in this thing and im experiencing it for real? I hadnt even noticed that everything was blurred and my cheeks were wet. You're so so talented and I truly needed a moment of silence to just tell myself that I was reading fiction. I love literature but I have never had this feeling before, I dont quite know what to call it. It enough to say that you are incredible, and your writing ability is outstanding.

THANK YOU. THANK YOU. THANK YOU. I have been keeping up with Hide/XO since I was a senior in high school (four years ago). I even canceled plans with the my friends because I knew you posting that night. But I don't think I have ever cared more about fictional characters in my entire life. Harry and Avery were the most emotional, vulnerable, accepting, flawed, provocative, loving characters I have ever encountered and it's all because of your genius mind.Thanks again for sharing them with us❤️

I've been here through it all Bee. The only thing I can think to say after reading what is probably the most beautiful thing I have ever read, is thank you. I don't remember the last time I've cried while reading a story, but I promise I ugly cried from beginning to end. You are so, so talented. We didn't deserve this kindness, this kindness of you sharing your works with us, but I'm so thankful you did. We loved Harry and Avery and we LOVE YOU. So thank you Bee. Thank you thank you thank you

Hii so I've never written in before but I just felt like I absolutely had to pop in and thank you. If you'd told me when I started this fic that four years later I'd still be checking into your tumblr daily to see if I would get another small window into Harry and Averys life I would have told you to fuck off and yet here I am. Truly, from the bottom of my heart, thank you for sharing this story and for creating a love story and characters so realistic I feel as if I actually know them. Xx

oh my god i was literally ugly crying while reading it bee you broke my fucking heart it was so beautiful

I saw that preview and knew. I just fucking knew. It's 11:41 pst and I am bawling my eyes out!! I have been with you and this story for years and to see it end is so so heartbreaking. But GOD Harry and Avery's is so beautiful and pure. Thank you thank you thank you for sharing this with us. I'm still crying and I'll probably be crying for a long time.

Oh my goodness 😭😭 my mother is a breast cancer survivor. We got so lucky with her process and reading how it could have gone for us was surreal. I was in tears the entire time. Your writing is beautiful, I have fallen in love with Avery and Harry and they have taught me so much. I read your Hide posts the moment they used to come out on Friday nights and XO has never disappointed. Thank you Bee. I know it wasn't always easy for you but I appreciate every post. I will miss this story so much!

To be honest I had to take breaks in between the reading because wow ! I cried and got emotional and I absolutely love the way you wrote this one

That was literally the most depressing thing I've ever read in my entire life, damn you and your amazing writing omg

This is undoubtedly the most beautiful love story ever written. Thank you for giving us all this wonderful gift, even if I haven't stopped crying since I began reading this last part. A million times thank you.

Thank you. Thank you thank you thank you. I have a certain attachment to Hide and that was a beautiful way of finishing it off. Well done, Bee. Thank you

I am here in the dark BAWLING MY EYES OUT!! 😭😭😭 Girl, I haven't cried this much since the first time I saw the notebook. I loved Hide so much. It's so much more than just fanfiction tbh. This was amazing writing, thank you so much.

I have no words other then thank you for the gift you have given me. This story touched me in so many ways that I can't even explain to you but it is hands down the best damn fic I read in my life ( and trust me it's already a long one). Heartbroking ending, went back to Hide at least 5 times in the past year and a half and will be going back to many more. Except I might not go to the ending again. Amazing. Wish you the best in life

You've put us through one hell of a ride with XO/Hide and its been fucking incredible, to say the least. I've never cried more reading a story before. Harry and Avery are forever immortal in my eyes and i'll reread their love story for as long as I possibly can. This story has changed me as a person and I can't thank you enough. Although i'm incredibly sad it has come to an end ill always love it. Havery's story means the world to me and bless you for being the creative writing legend you are xo

Hide/XO (really the entirety of "Death by Styles") has literally meant the world to me these past few years. It's what I read and re read over and over again when I've needed an escape and what's kept me believing in love and fate and happiness. It may sound silly, me talking about this story like i've got some sort of attachment to it, but I do and i've loved every second of it. I've cried, laughed, and loved because of this story and I thank you for that Bee. Thank you. XO

I aspire to write a story as well as Hide/XO one day. I've read a lot of romance novels, Hide is by far my favorite. I had a feeling when you posted the warning for us to get tissues that the ending would be that way. I cried from start to finish. It was heart breaking, beautiful, and amazing. Thank you for writing such a beautiful love story. I'm glad I was able to be "here for it all." Xx

That was heartbreakingly beautiful. Thank you. Thank you so much for always making me feel with your writing.

its taken me 2 hours and 15 minutes to read that chapter. oh my god. i have never cried so much, ever. thank you for making hide, it truly is the best fanfic EVER. you are a beautiful writer. that chapter was amazing, but it was emotionally traumatising and i don't think i will ever be over it. i have been reading hide for years, so thank you for sticking with it and making it beautiful from start to end♡♡♡

Thats a chaptet that im never going to be able to re-read, but it was a beautiful, heartaching and overwhelming end to this amazing world that you created with Avery and Harry. Its been 40 minutes that i read it and im still tearing up thinking about it. Thank you so much for sharing this amazing love with us and, though it was a bitter sweet goodbye, it was filled with everything that made Avery and Harry. Its been a pleasure Bee.

I have no words except thank you. Thank you for writing a beautiful story and thank you for giving it a beautiful ending (even if it did rip my heart out). I cried so much that I had to stop at some points so I could wipe my eyes to read. You are a very talented writer and I am so thankful that you shared your gift.

Just wanted to thank you for writing Hide. I've been here from the beginning and I've absolutely loved it. I cried and cried during the last chapter, I feel a real loss. But it's been lovely and you're a fantastic writer. Thank you for sharing your gift with us <3

I followed you when you had just finished up CDB. Have been here with hide since the beginning. I think I started following in high school. I'm finishing up college soon! It's been a wild ride. So dope of you to share this story with us.

I cried the entire time reading this chapter. Even the smutty scenes. HOLY SHIT. Bravo!

Jesus, that was possibly the most heartbreaking thing I've ever read. Part of me is so mad that this is their end. Like, they were meant to have it all. I was crying through the whole piece bc I knew that not only was this the end of Avery and Harry but it was THE END of Avery and Harry. I'm just so sad for them. It was a brilliant piece of writing and I can only imagine how you felt writing it. I shall miss them very much. Thank you for giving them to us ❤️

I am heartbroken absolutely heartbroken. I am actually crying. You are phenomenal your writing is literally making me cry. I have been following you since you started writing Hide and I've loved watching you grow as a person through it and I feel I've grown up through the time this fic was written and became an adult. So it's really interesting to read this as an adult when I first started reading this as a teenager. Wow a complete round of applause to you. You wrote Harry and Avery so perfectly

I've been reading your story for 2 years already? When I found out you had a dry run I tried my best to send you positive messages. You not updating was never an issue then I saw your note that you're finally ending Harry and Avery's story and I don't know what to feel, but one thing is for sure I want to say thank you for everything. All the emotions you've made us feel as your readers I'll always love your stories! I'll even name my daughter Avery! Here for it all? Always. Thank you.

Your the only writer I've come across where you write Harry as I see Harry and it makes your stories that much more better, believable and relatable. I hope you work through your writing dilemmas because your talent shouldn't go to waste.

I just wanted to say I love your writing, and you are so talented. I had a really tough school year and between a lot of school work and friend troubles and it was really rough. Your writing has always been such a bright spot and a great distraction. I hope you feel better and know that so many people (who've never even met you) love you and care about you. Sending hugs from Boston❤️❤️❤️.

The entire time I was reading Hide, I could help but think "Harry would definitely do that" or "That is such a Harry thing". Even though I don't personally know Harry, your Harry in Hide reminds me of real Harry more than other fanfics I have read. He is goofy, carefree, sweet and an all around good person with his sarcasm and dry sense of humour. Well done. I supposed this comes from observing him for 7 year.

I would just like to say how much I love your writing and it will always hold a special place in my heart. I loved reading harry and averys beautiful story. And although it's fictional I feel as if I truly know them and I'm proud of how far they've come. It's bittersweet that their story is coming to an end as well as your time writing fanfiction. I hope in the future you continue to write, even if just for yourself, because you truly have a gift and your characters have such depth My friend and I came across your fics a few years ago and truly fell in love with your stories. We actually started telling each other "here for it all" and it became a special saying that had a deep love and meaning behind. My friend actually got it as tattoo. I'm not as daring but those words,your words, mean a lot as well as your stories. It has been an honor and privilege to read your writing. All the best to you. Excited for the last bit of havery's story. Here for it all ❤️

You are 1D of a fanfiction. Your work is the best fanfic I have read hands down. With all due respect to other amazing writers on here, you are in a completely different category. Your story about harry and avery feels real and raw and every single time I read it( and trust me I read it over and over again), it's like getting to know them and their story all over again. It's a perfection for me as a reader. So thank you

It's so bittersweet because I followed Hide since the beginning when you still had your old blog. I absolutely loved the new shot and the entire XO Series. Although I'll miss Harry & Avery, you've more than done their story justice. You should be really proud Bee! I know you've had ups and downs with this fandom but thank you for finishing Hide and thank you for everything else xxx

I never have the right words to express how your writing makes me feel. I can't even tell you the exact number of times I read Hide series. The warmth, the kindness, the rawness and realness in your writing is beyond words. I don't even know ATM if those are real words. You render me spachless and for that I thank you. This is supposed to be just a fanfic but you made it into something real and very touching. Cheers love and once again thank you for sharing your amazing writing

I’ve been trying to figure out what to say since finishing Hide. The problem is, words can’t explain what you’ve done. My mom passed away from breast cancer when she was 44. Far too young to have experienced that, while all of Hide has been incredible. The way you chose to end their story was fantastic. It was real. The way harry was written in the last part reminded me so fully of my dad and how he felt after losing his wife and having to raise kids on his own, a life he loved but did not expect. You did Avery and Harry so much justice and the way I feel about this story and how you’ve written it is inexplicable. Thank you. And you better publish something some day, the world deserves to see you’re writing. I hope you had fun last night (I was there too!) it was incredible. God bless that beautiful boy and his ability to bring out the best in people. Keep doin you, Bee! Xo

I just wanted to tell you how much the story you have created means to me. I have been in love with the idea of Avery and Harry for such a long time, I can't even remember for how long. I loved coming to your tumblr to see new chapter, I loved that you have showed me that true love can really exist, I loved everything about it. It isn't just a fanfiction about Harry, it's an amazing story that can easly be published and I'm sure it would have been a bestseller. I don't remember how I found your tumblr, but I can't describe how happy it made me. As I'm writing this I'm sobbing uncontrollably. The last shot was just too much. It felt like I was really saying goodbye to Avery. It was a sad, but a perfect ending to an amazing story, that I probably would re-read 100 times more. Thank you for creating Hide, Thank you for everything.

I am crying so much. I can't, it was beautiful. I didn't expect it but it just made me want a love like theirs, I know it's fiction but that's the love you made them have, is/was gorgeous. You did amazing with this story 👏🏻

Thank you so much for sharing Harry's and Avery's story. I'm in tears while typing this message. I almost couldn't finish because that would mean the end. It's been more and more difficult to find stories and books that I can be 100% invested in. Your story has made me feel every emotion under the sun and I can't thank you enough for this experience. Everything was beautifully written from start to finish. I've been following your blog for quite some time now and know you've struggled writing their story so thank you again for not giving up on them and yourself. You really are a fantastic writer. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Hello! I've been a long time ghost reader but I just finished the last installment of Harry and Avery. I just...it's been a while since I've cried from a story. The whole story has taken me on such a roller coaster but I loved every second of it. Being able to be apart of their development and growth, both individually and together, has been a privilege. The way you write them is incredible and I'm in such awe of you. There aren't enough words to describe how in love I am with Hide, XO, and the last 4 seasons (if I'm missing any installments i'm sorry). Your other stories...oh don't even get me started on your shorter fics cause I won't shut up about em!

I have never sobbed harder in my lifeI really want to hate you. I want to hate you so badly. But this was amazing and perfect and incredible. I'm wholly heartbroken.

I haven't stopped crying and this is all your fault haha I'm a sophomore in college and I first started reading this my sophomore year of high school. Some of my friends know of this story. You won't believe me if I say this but I always felt like Avery would die young...? She lived too much and so fast. She had this larger than life love and this grand and luxurious life and compared to how her life was before it's a huge contrast. She lived a life that is very respectful as well. I'm just sad because the way you ended this hurts a lot. I guess deep down I knew it wasn't going to be a fairly tale ending for these two but that is what you gave them and I respect you for it. I wonder if you cried as well during this because This must have been a very emotional journey for you. Thank you once again for sharing this with us. My favorite love story will be these two. Warm hugs and kisses to you dear

Not going to lie, I was upset at first when I read you were killing off Avery because I love her so. But, it was perfect. I'm still ugly crying. Thank you! I don't think I can say it enough. I may need to go and read it again for the 12th time. And that's not exaggeration. Love these two and this story!

Hey Bee! Just wanted to say thank you for Hide and XO. I discovered your writing at a not so great time in my life. And for a  long time, it was what I looked forward to every week. Harry and Avery hold a special place in my heart. It might sound weird, but I sometimes think of naming my nonexistent daughter Avery cause the name reminds me of good times. I've never cried so much during a fanfic as I did the last part of XO. It was absolutely beautiful. Thank you for writing it. I know it wasn't always easy, and I appreciate every word you put into it. Thank you. 

jesus christ i sobbed the entire way through that ending, it was a beautiful story and a perfect way to complete something you worked so hard on. thanks for sharing such a wonderful story 😊

wowowow I have never cried so much while reading a fic. the entire series has been incredibly amazing and beautifully written. thank you so so much for continuing the story through all these years and every up and down. here for it all💜💜

[head-and-heart]

4x04 Personal Highlights

So I know that there has been a lot of negativity surrounding this past episode, but I would like to point out that it was far from being all bad and I would say it was a hell of a lot better than episode four from LAST season (aka. my least favourite episode of this show, ever) there was actually some good shit buried in this episode that I would like to address.

Never too much positivity, right fam?

Okay, I’ll get to it.

1. “Bellamy should be back by now.”

I mean, it’s self-explanatory. Even the C/exa queen is writing us some Bellarke shit .. hmm, I wonder why? Maybe cause she has to? Maybe cause Bellarke is becoming canon? Huh, weird.

2. Monty being a total babe and trying to comfort Clarke

It only serves to make the absence of his name on The List that much more painful, but I love seeing Monty trying to cheer Clarke up. He’s such a beacon of light. @the-ships-to-rule-them-all and @abazethe100 talked on their podcast about how its not just Monty’s brain and skills that make him invaluable, but who he is at his core - a source of optimism and support. He holds people together. I thought it was worth mentioning because @theskyboxpodcast is always good, but I especially loved that bit.

3. Devon’s acting

The writers truly could not have picked a better actor to play Jasper. He kills it, over and over and over again. Devon is the perfect mix of humour and tragedy that makes Jasper so heartbreaking and unique. He brings life to this character in a way that few actors could. That scene in the rain perfectly demonstrates this.

(UNRELATED: I’d love to see how Jaha was managing out on that lake when he heard about the acid fog. The possibilities are never-endingly humourous.)

4. Kane calling out Octavia

This scene was soooo validating because its the first time that Octavia’s actions have TRULY been called out. And it wasn’t just a brief call-out, it was an entire lengthy scene dedicated to why Octavia’s actions are NOT being supported by the narrative and are NOT right or honourable. 

“A warrior knows when not to kill. Lincoln taught you that. You seem to have forgotten.”

FINALLY RECOGNITION THAT A WOMEN WITH A SWORD IS NOT ALWAYS BADASS AND EMPOWERING. IT TAKES MORE THAN THAT. IT TAKES HONOUR

And to those of you who were screaming about Octavia never dealing with the consequences of her actions after ... what? 4x02? YOU COULDN’T WAIT TWO EPISODES??? WHY DO YOU JUMP TO CONCLUSIONS WHY DO YOU TORTURE YOURSELVES? Short rant concluded. This was a top-knotch scene. 

5. LUNA

She is so gorgeous and her voice is so soothing. She makes every episode better just be existing.

6. THE ISLAND IS SO COOL

I’M SO GLAD THAT ALIE’S MANSION IS NOT THE ONLY THING WE GET TO SEE OF THIS ISLAND. THE WHOLE INTRIGUE SURROUNDING BECCA AND HER LAB AND THE DRONES AND THE “MUTANT LINE” AND THE MYSTERIOUS THINGS THAT ALIE’S SECURITY IS “PROTECTING” THEM FROM IS SO INTERESTING AND ITS SO DIFFERENT FROM ANYTHING THIS SHOW HAS DONE BEFORE AND BOY AM I EXCITED TO FIND OUT WHAT’S GOING ON AND EVERYTHING TO DO WITH THIS STORYLINE. AND ALSO I, AND A LOT OF OTHER PEOPLE, TOTALLY PREDICTED THAT THEY WERE HEADED BACK TO ALIE’S ISLAND TO FIND A LAB OF SOME SORT BACK IN THE HIATUS SO GOOD-WORK TEAM. NOTHING GETS PAST THIS FANDOM, I SWEAR.

7. Jackson being a total babe and helping out Raven this episode/showing compassion and concern

So I’ve seen people shipping it and I am ... oddly, not opposed??? I mean, he’s sweet and that banter was nice and he’s a doctor which means he’s probs smart and also can help her out with her pain (kinda) and it will never happen but I CAN DREAM OKAY? 

Also, Jackson is Jackson’s only name. I’m sorry, I don’t make the rules. You will never hear me referring to Jackson by any other name. #dealwithit

8. “Save us all” sounds like “keep us all clean” in Trigadesleng because apparently Grounders know their priorities

I guess this explains why L.exa had that deep conditioned shit last season while Clarke was progressing through her slow but steady evolution into a dirty mop

9. “I’ve never met a line I wouldn’t cross.”

Richard you get the best lines. And you slay them every time.

10. MURPHY AND RAVEN’S DYMAMIC

I’M SO EXCITED. Lindsey and Richard are both a thrill to watch and they’re both so sassy and their history is just ... WOW. They haven’t had many scenes together ever since that KILLER scene in the dropship where we learned Murphy’s backstory which is a total crime because THEIR CHEMISTRY SERIOUSLY FLIES THROUGH THE ROOF.

I do think Murphy was trying to get on Raven’s good side when he grabbed her and helped her to safety and it was definitely for his personal motives, but I do also believe that a large part of him wanted to do it as an attempt to make up for fucking up her life so bad as well. It’s such an interesting dynamic to watch.

Just want to clarify that I don’t ship it because ... y’all he literally shot her and paralyzed her why do you do this?? But I definitely want to see more of them on my TV screen

11. Dad!Kane cupping his son’s face

Need I say more?

12. “Warriors don’t reveal their secrets.”

AND ECHO LOOKS AT BELLAMY BECAUSE HE DIDN’T CAVE AND REVEAL THEIR SECRETS BECAUSE MY BOY IS SO STRONG 

13. Ice Nation is SO much more interesting than Trikru

BYEEEEEEEEEEEEE

14. “Remember that time we welded your dad’s furniture to the ceiling? Now THAT was a prank.”

I WOULD SAY SO MONTY LMAO THIS IS SO EXTRA AND I LOVE IT

CLASSIC JONTY I CAN CLEARLY ENVISION THEM DOING THIS

15. “You’re not God, Clarke. You don’t get to decide who lives and dies.”

Hmm ... that’s an interesting line. Almost like it might be ... I don’t know ... A major theme of the show or something?

Also A++ delivery Devon. Kudos.

16. This show is SO GOOD with moral dilemmas

They truly do bring their A-Game every season. The List is just one example of these so-called moral dilemmas. There truly is no right choice. Clarke was pragmatic, everything she did made SENSE. But was it moral? Was it humane? That’s another story, and it’s one these writers are not afraid to tell.

17. Monty and Clarke’s interactions are all so on point

“You’re the one going too far and using the same old justification: it’s all for my people.”

ANOTHER MAJOR THEME ALERT

Monty is spilling the tea this episode and while I understand Clarke’s mindset and sympathize with her for dealing with the pressure on her shoulders, everything that Monty said in this scene was absolutely 100% true, and it’s going to come into play in Clarke’s character arc this season, I am sure.

18. Raven’s struggle with her leg is so real

Kim perfectly captured the struggles that Raven has to deal with and how her leg, while limits her physical ability, certainly does not limit her determination, her skill, and her brain. 

19. “What if the fight is all we are? We torture, kill, betray. We pretend we’re more than that just to make ourselves feel better, but it’s a lie.”

I love this line so much. This episode encapsulates so many themes and big ideas of the show (and it grapples with morality in hugeeeee ways) and I’m loving it.

20. “You’re not a prisoner, Luna. You have a choice.”

Raven putting her gun down and saying this to Luna is SO important, especially when you think about how Clarke tried to force the flame on her in 3x14. Free will was a major theme last year and I’m glad to see it paying off now.

21. Jaha swooping in and stealing that crowd

Listen. I know that there are many conflicted opinions on Jaha and I know that lot of people hate him. But I have never been more intrigued. His story this season is sooo interesting. I have no idea what to expect from him. I feel as though he is so disconnected from the other characters at this point in the narrative that he’s a complete wild card. Do I trust him or not? Should I? What are his motives? What knowledge does he have that the other characters don’t?

He’s so fascinating to me in that he is completely unpredictable. His story this season could break off in just about any direction. 

This scene was really fun to watch. Clearly, Jaha’s years of being a Chancellor comes in handy with a crowd. He knows what to do, what to say, to sway them. It reminds me of Bellamy, in a way, actually. Say what you will about Jaha, but he has a way with words and he knows how to inspire people. I can’t wait to see how this goes. 

(I totally think that lottery is bullshit and I think that Jaha realizes this, but he’s manipulating the crowd. We’ll see how this blows up in our faces later.)

“The people need to feel like they have a say in their fate.”

Another interesting line that I enjoyed. Just wanted to point it out.

22. “It’s the only choice you gave yourself. If you think you have the best idea, you have to convince people, not lie to them. Or lock them up.”

So choices and free will and truth and morality are all big focusses of this episode. People seem to overlook how much great thematic stuff is in 4x04 but there’s a lot and it’s great.

23. Becca’s lab is bomb AF

24. BOB MORLEY DESERVES A FUCKING EMMY PLEASE AND THANK YOU

25. “Take me home.” 

BECAUSE EVEN AFTER ALL THIS TIME ARKADIA AND THE SKY PEOPLE ARE STILL OCTAVIA’S HOME BECAUSE THAT’S WHERE BELLAMY IS (or so she thinks) AND HELLO YES I’M STILL EMO

[mrsjihyunkim]

Dear Mom Ch 6

Ok so this  ended up being much longer than I planned. Oh well >.<

word count: 2916!  From Seven’s POV

Ch 1 l Ch 2 l Ch 3 l Ch 4 l Ch 5 l X l Ch 7 l Ch 8 l Ch 9

I sat on the bed waiting for MC. She had been in the bathroom for at least twenty minutes. She wasn’t in the chat room but I could still hear her moving around. I was starting to get anxious. After changing into a black tank top and a pair of sweats I decided to check on her. I looked in the bathroom and saw her sitting on the counter staring at her phone. She had on an over sized T-shirt and black shorts. She was so absorbed in her phone that not only did she not hear me come in but she had her tooth brush hanging out of her mouth. I couldn’t help but let out a chuckle. I must have scared her because she dropped everything and jumped off the counter. “Jesus Saeyoung! You gave me a heart attack.” She said rinsing off her tooth brush. I picked up her phone and saw that she had been looking at the Mint Eye blue prints.

“I thought we were going to rest and relax?” I asked showing her the phone. She smiled sheepishly.

“Sorry it’s habit. I honestly don’t know if my brain knows how to relax. I just want to make sure we didn’t miss anything. I need to make sure it’s safe. I don’t know what will happen to me when I face my father, but if I know you’re safe I can accept whatever happens to me.” She smiled at me but her eyes looked immensely sad. I knew what she meant though, she was prepared to die, and it broke my heart to know that she thought it was going to happen. I walked over to her and tilted her head up so that she would look at me.

“Hey. Get those thoughts out of your head right now. You’re not going anywhere and neither am I. If anyone hurts a hair on you I will blow that place sky high.” I said before kissing her lips. Her eyes teared up and she hugged me.

“I love you Saeyoung.” She said into my chest.

“I love you too MC. Now let’s try and sleep.” I said taking her hand and leading her to bed. I laid there and stared at her back. She was right there but for some reason she seemed so far away. I wrapped my arm around her waist and pulled her into my chest. She didn’t say anything but just snuggled into my chest. It felt amazing to have her so close. It was so amazing that instead of sleeping I just counted how many times her even breaths made my arm move. I tried to sleep after a counting a couple hundred times but everything seemed like a dream. I kept thinking that I would wake up and none of it would be true. MC’s voice pulled me out of my thoughts

“Saeyoung, are you awake?” I looked at the clock and saw that it was almost 2am. I thought that she had been asleep this whole time.

“Ya I am. Is everything ok?” I asked.

“I’m fine I just can’t sleep.” She replied.

“Is it because of me? I can go sleep somewhere else if that would help.” I said starting to move my arm away.

“No don’t go.” She said quickly grabbing my arm. “If you leave then I might wake up thinking this was all a dream. I have been by myself for so long that laying here with you seems too good to be true. I never thought I’d get the chance to feel this way.” I could hear her voice starting to crack and I understood everything she meant. I shifted her around so that we were face to face and I could tell her eyes were watering. I kissed her forehead and stroked her hair.

“It’s funny because I was thinking the same thing. My whole life I had thought that I didn’t deserve to be happy because I abandoned Saeran. I never dreamed that I’d find someone, let alone my childhood crush, who I would want to have a future with. Then you walked into this apartment, and now I can’t stop thinking about it. Now I never want to leave your side. I want to save Saeran and live happily ever after with both of you. And, with you by my side I actually believe that it’s possible.” I pushed some fallen hair behind her ear and gazed into her eyes. “To be honest I don’t want you coming tomorrow. I’m terrified that something bad will happen to you but I’m also scared that something will happen if you stay here. I am so torn and I don’t know that the right answer is.” I hugged her tightly.

“Well there’s no way in hell you’re going there without me. This is as much my fight as it is yours. I don’t think that either of us can succeed alone. Plus, I’m far from your average girl. I’m not going to just stand there and spit out automatic responses.” I pictured MC talking like a robot and started laughing. It was like all my worry and doubt had just disappeared. She was so amazing.

“Well since we’re both up, you know what we should do?” She asked with a huge smile.

“What?” I asked curiously.

“We should totally mess with Zen! I want to prank him for nagging me.” There was an evil glint in her eyes and I loved it.

“I just fell even more in love with you.” I said kissing her lips. I sat up and grabbed my phone. I looked at the chatroom and saw Zen logged on. “Perfect timing. Lay down on the bed. I’ve got an idea that will drive him nuts.” I said smiling.

“Do it!” She said laying on her side. “Like this?” She asked.

“No on your back, and put my glasses on.” I said handing them to her. She put them on and laid down. I climbed on top of her and she instantly blushed and gasped. I quickly took a picture and smiled. She looked so beautiful. The lamp she had turned on gave her a soft glow, like a fairy. Her hair was splayed out of the bed. She looked sexy but also empowered. I was so enthralled with her beauty that I completely forgot the purpose. “Perfect.” I said coming back to my senses.

“Saeyoung, can you get off me now?” MC asked quietly. I had completely forgotten where I was sitting and blushed.

“Oh yeah. Sorry, I got caught up in messing with Zen.” I said nervously. She smiled as she sat up and gave me back my glasses. She waited for my ok and then turned on her phone.

Zen, 707, MC

Zen: Why the hell do you have of picture of her like that?!

Zen: >:[

707: I couldn’t help it!

707: She just looked so cute while we were intimate

707: >.<

*MC has entered the chat*

Zen: MC!

Zen: Are you ok?

MC: I’m better than ok. I’m in bliss!

MC: Seven we should do that again!

MC: It felt so good! :D

Zen: ......

Zen: Don’t tell me you guys actually... ya know?

707: I don’t think MC would like talking about it

707: But I will say that MC has very soft skin ;)

Zen: I knew you couldn’t be trusted!

Zen: Tell me the address!!!

707: No. MC and I want to be alone

Zen: MC tell me the address. I’ll come save you from his deplorable actions

MC: Awwwwww. Zen are you jealous?

Zen: No!

Zen: Maybe...

Zen: I just hate the idea of you two being alone together. Seven is sneaky

MC: Well he did steal my heart.

MC: Among other things ;)

Zen: Seven you asshole!

707: What did I do?

Zen: You took advantage of MC!

707: Why I would never!

707: My love for MC is only pure

MC: Seven

707: Yes m’lady?

MC: Come back to the bedroom.

MC: I want you to do the thing again ;)

707: Be there in 10 seconds

MC: I’ll be waiting ;)

*MC has left the chat*

Zen: Seven don’t you go in that room.

707: Dude you sound like a mom

707: Gtg duty calls

*707 has left the chat*

I put my phone down and saw MC rolling on the bed, laughing. “OMG! We got him good. She threw her arms around me and kissed me. I was surprised by how bold she was but I put my arms around her and melted into the kiss. We both fell asleep shortly after that and it was the best sleep I’ve ever had.

When I woke up MC was gone. I was beginning to panic but then I saw a bright orange note on the door.

Saeyoung,

Don’t freak out. I’m in the kitchen. You looked

so peaceful that I couldn’t wake you. I’ll have

breakfast waiting.

           Love,

           MC

I breathed a sigh of relief and headed to the kitchen. When I got there, I saw a bowl of rice and meat. MC saw me and she smiled, kissing my cheek. I sat down and began to eat. I looked up when I heard a camera, and saw MC taking a picture of me. “What was that for?” I asked.

“Well the notorious 707 is eating something other than Honey Budda Chips. This is a historic moment that needs to be documented.”

“You’re so mean teasing me. I thought you loved me!” I said turning away dramatically. I then felt her arms wrap around me as she hugged my back.

“You know I do. Now I’ve got everything packed so while you eat I’m going to shower.” She kissed my cheek and started to walk away. “Oh, quick question. How long do you think it will take us to get there? I traveled by bike the first time so it went quick.” I looked at the coordinates and did the math in my head.

“It will take us about five hours to get there, so we should leave soon.” I said suddenly remembering our daunting task.

“Alright. Do you want to tell everyone what’s going on? Since we’ll probably miss the party.”

“Yeah I can do that.” She smiled and then walked towards the bathroom. After I was done in the chatroom I put my laptop and a few bags of chips into a bag. When MC came back to the kitchen I was breathless. She had her long hair in a sleek pony tail, and she had a tight black outfit that hugged every curve of her body. I had only seen her in baggy clothes but know I understood how she could fight off Saeran and her father’s men. Babe is ripped.

“Is something wrong?” I heard her ask. I was pulled from my thoughts and saw that MC was blushing. Guess I was staring too long.

“Nah. I was just shocked by how good you looked. I thought I had died and gone to heaven.” She blushed even more. “Like seriously babe you look like such a badass, and I had no idea you were so ripped! I mean I could still take you, but daaammmnnn gurl!” She gave me a coy smile and walked over to me. She grabbed my shirt and pulled me close.

“Well we could always leave late and have a little wrestling match. Just know I won’t go easy on you and I will kick your fine ass.” I blushed a million shades of red and she had a confident smirk on her face. I was stammering in my head like an idiot. I had no idea she could be so bold.

“We should get going.” I finally managed to say. I grabbed the bags still blushing. “My car is ten blocks away.”

“Saeyoung we can’t take your car. Vanderwood probably put a tracer in it. If he shows up, then we’ll just have more trouble to deal with. Especially since you’re more than likely hiding from him after leaving your work.” I avoided her gaze. I had honestly forgotten about Vanderwood and work, but she was right.

“We’ll if we don’t take my car how can we get there?” I asked her as she looked at her phone. When she looked up she had a smile on her face.

“I know where we can get a car. Just leave it to me!” She said giving me a thumbs up. I gave her a puzzling look but she ignored it and grabbed her backpack from my hands. She began to walk out the door and I followed her. After a couple of blocks I couldn’t take it anymore.

“MC could you at least answer one of my questions. It makes me nervous not knowing what you’re planning.” She stopped and kissed me.

“I can’t answer your questions because there is no plan. I’m totally winging it. Plans are predictable and traceable. I rarely stick to a plan and besides we’re at our car.” She gestured to a sleek black sports car parked on the curb. I was in awe at how beautiful it was. It was like a queen compared to my cars. I wanted to drive it so bad. Hearing MC’s voice snapped me out of my trance. “Saeyoung keep watch for me. I’m a little rusty at doing this.” She was pulling a weird flimsy stick out and sticking it in the window of the car. I finally realized what she was doing and I began to panic.

“MC, what the hell are you doing?”

“Just keep a look out. This guy owes me so this will forgive his debt. She popped open the door and loud alarm started going off. I saw MC pull out some wires and soon the alarm stopped and the engine purred. She reached over and opened my door. “Hurry and get in! He’ll be leaving for work soon and I’d rather not get shot.” I quickly threw the bags in the back of the car and got in. As soon as I did an overly built bald man in an expensive suit came out of the building. MC stuck her head out the window and yelled, “Maintent nous sommes quittes!” [AN: according to google that’s French for now we’re even] As we drove off I looked back at the guy and he looked more pissed than Zen talking to Jumin. After he was out of view MC’s phone started to ring. “Can you answer that and put it on speaker?” I did as she asked and soon an angry voice was yelling in French. I watched in awe as MC spoke at the same pace. It was almost as if it was her first language. Soon MC had the bald guy laughing and then he hung up. Now I was free to freak out.

“MC who the fuck was that guy? Why did he owe you a favor? Where did you learn to steal cars? Why would you steal from someone who would shoot you? Do you know how dumb that was? Why didn’t you warn me before hand? Winging it my ass.” I said taking a deep breath.

“Saeyoung just breathe and calm down. Now I will answer all your questions. That guy was a French drug lord who I helped flee France, hence the owed favor. I learned to steal cars while I was on the run. I grew up on the streets remember. I wasn’t serious about him shooting me and I knew how it was all going to play out. Except for you freaking out this bad. I thought that since you read my journal you wouldn’t really be surprised. I would have told you but I thought you would object to stealing a car and we don’t really have time to argue.” I wanted so badly to say that she was wrong but she wasn’t. I didn’t like doing illegal things outside of my computer but we really were out of options. “This is what you get for skipping entry’s in the journal. Tisk tisk. I hope you don’t have a heart attack from all my shocking secrets.” She chuckled at my pouting expression.

“I’ll be fine.” I said sticking my tongue out at her. “I just didn’t expect such a big, scary guy to own such a pretty car.” I said petting the dash.

“You better not be falling for the car now. I might get jealous and she might have an accident.” She said giving me a look.

“Don’t worry, your body is way better than the car’s.” I said playing with her pony tail. She was blushing and I couldn’t help but lean over and kiss her cheek. She was surprised and the car swerved a little bit.

“Saeyoung you can’t do that when I’m driving!”

“I’m sorry but I couldn’t help it. You just looked so cute.” It was so fun to make her flustered.

“Well if it happens again then I’m going to have to pull over and take matters into my own hands.” She said gliding her hand on my thigh. She glanced over at me and I tried my best to hide my blush. I loved that about her. No matter how badly I tease her she can turn the tables and leave me speechless. After that we feel into comfortable silence until I took over the wheel.