#i guess im kind of lost in like
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
demimachia · 1 year ago
Text
more and more lately for some reason ive been considering getting a job w the national parks service or at some kind of state park like a forest ranger
#demi.txt#atm my main goal is just to get a stable job that pays enough that i can build/own my own house#government jobs like that are pretty good i hear#if i work that for like 20 years maybe i can get some solid retirement checks#40 with like a thousand or 2 checks in the mail sounds pretty good#i like being outside too#i think it would be a nice job#ive been thinking about job stuff a lot lately#im going to enter college soon#like next year hopefully#im just not sure what to study#i guess im kind of lost in like#deciding if i want to focus on my hobbies or something more stable#i thought about going into animation or game design but idk those are a lot less stable#and i hear both those industries are really difficult to work in for a lot of reasons#if i get a nice government job like this i could maybe do that for awhile and then focus on my other stuff later? ugh idk though#im worried ill like. lose my hobbies or passion for art if i get a full time job in something else#i work a small public service/city job rn and its like been making me consider getting into recreation as a career path possibly#my dad is a college art professor and he makes really really good money and doesnt even work full time and hes been suggesting maybe#that i get into that but idk if i would like teaching or be a good teacher#he gets really good benefits too though#like dental and medical#ugh but if i did that i would want to like. start quickly so i can move up to being a full professor fast too and i kind of want to#try different careers and shit. maybe thats something i could possibly go into once im older#hmm yeah#yeah#hough. idk though like if i become a forest service person and do that for 20 years would a college even wanna hire me?#i wouldnt really have the experience.. i would have to go back to college for that and then get some experience with that#ugh...... thinking about getting older is scary!!! :(#i need to hustle more
1 note · View note
arsenicflame · 10 days ago
Text
It's a time-honoured tradition- every time Sam comes across Izzy (and Ed) in their travels, he asks Izzy to marry him. And every time, Izzy turns him down.
At this point, Sam is asking more for the sake of it than any belief Izzy will ever say yes, a remnant of childhood dedication touched with 30 years of heartbreak and regret- though even now, a small part of him still holds out hope. Sam's promises have only got more extravagant over the years, from a job as his first mate, to a captaincy, a fleet at his command, a whole fucking island if that's what Izzy wants- but he knows it isn't though, not really. If Izzy was ever going to agree to marry him, to leave his life and go with Sam, it wouldn't be for anything Sam could offer him. Izzy never did care for flashy shows of wealth, for a ship or to be captain. The only thing that ever mattered to him was loyalty given, and loyalty shown in return. 
It all comes to a head after Stede left and came back, after Izzy lost a toe, lost his leg. Sam hasn't seen him since before things with Ed started to really slide off the rails, before stress permanently set into the lines of Izzy’s face. So, when he sees a dishevelled man with a hoof for a leg in a no-name port, he doesn't even consider the idea that he might know him. It's only when he turns towards him, and Sam catches a glance at those oh too familiar tattoos, he realises this is Izzy, his Izzy, that stands before him.
Knowing Izzy's discomfort with pity, he doesn't treat him any differently than he would in years gone by, positioning himself in Izzy's line of sight before approaching and sweeping him up into a bone crushing hug. 
“Israel-goddamn-Hands!” he exclaims, as Izzy grumbles back a begrudging “Samuel-fucking-Bellamy”, a tradition almost as old as their friendship itself. Izzy might not hug him back, but he can’t keep the corner of his mouth from twitching, just for a second.
(If Sam holds Izzy a little tighter and a little longer than usual, well. That's his business)
By the time Sam lets go, most of the crew has appeared in the town square, drawn in by the commotion. They may have given Izzy his leg and welcomed him as one of them, but still there’s an underlying tension, with nobody quite ready to set aside everything that happened before the Kraken. Seeing him cosying up to an unknown man sets everyone on edge, unsure whether to come to their first mate’s aid, or to assume that they've been betrayed once again.
When Ed sees that the yelling was Sam, his hand goes tense where it's held in Stede's. He knows the routine, has seen it more times than he can count, but as he watches them part he realises that this is the first time in a long time he's unsure of what Izzy's response will be.
Knowing that something’s different, knowing that Izzy's feeling vulnerable already, Sam doesn't go for the same flashy proposal he’s been giving for years. He doesn't promise Izzy the world, he doesn't cause a scene (or, any more of a scene than he already has, anyway). He looks at the fractured man in front of him, takes his face in his hands, and says the exact same thing to him he said when they were little more than boys. “Israel, I have to ask you. I know what you'll say, but I have to try. Come with me. Marry me and sail away with me. I'll keep you safe”
And Izzy… hesitates. He glances over at Ed, at Stede, and says to Sam “...We’re staying in port for a week. Ask me again then”
That's the moment Sam knows there is something deeply, horribly, wrong. He's not just looking at an Izzy who got seriously injured in a fight and is struggling to cope, this is something so much bigger than that- and that Ed has something to do with it. Izzy wouldn't even be considering leaving if he didn't. Whether it was negligence or something more sinister, Sam doesn't yet know, but he intends to find out.
#i feel like the little paragraph about the crew is real clunky and out of place but i wanted some kind of establishment of where those#dynamics are at. its important that the crew is something for izzy to consider in his decision; but also that their relationship isnt so#solid he would stay for them alone; yknow?#im sorta aiming for a s2e5 era but like. early in those themes. he cant be all sorted yet i need him to be struggling#anyway this is part of a much larger scenario in my head that im never ever doing anything with but i wrote THIS bit in a daze in like. jun#and i got thinking about it again and i think?? it holds its own as a 'hey think about THIS' snippet. idk you decide#youre welcome to interpret this as solo bellhands but in my head it Has morphed into sam/izzy/ed/stede#because i cant not put edizzy in things any more. izzy has two hands#i also think the comedy potential of one of your boyfriends HATING your other boyfriend is gold. 10/10 dynamic#stede is mostly along for the ride in this but also i think they need him#aaaaand. the sam/ed bracket i think can only be closed in exceptional circumstances. i think they 'hate' each other too much#...which is WHY someones getting kidnapped!!! yay#anyway its all irrelevant because ill never write it out. i can do silly chill things but thatll require work#nyxtalks#ofmd#our flag means death#izzy hands#israel hands#sam bellamy#bellhands#i wanna also say. the general concept of repeated sam proposals has been floating around my head forever#it used to be a more silly thing like i referenced at the start but. s2 gave me angsty feelings i guess#i cant not have izzy have feelings for ed right now which inherently adds layers to Any bellhands scenarios i think.#but yeah. its a Classic Bellhands vibe for me. sam seeing izzy at sea or on shore and asking him to marry him (again)#i like to do this with jackie too. i think i just want that man to be obnoxiously desired#(theres also layers of my personal hornigold era lore built into this but i hope it holds up without u knowing it. tldr. sam lost izzy by#being an idiot n fumbling the bag. thats what matters. izzy went with ed and sams been trying to fix it ever since)#i probably should have readmore'd this but i didnt think it was Quite long enough. or had a good break point. sorry <3
113 notes · View notes
eddiegettingshot · 5 months ago
Text
“i guess so” was so insane of buck to say. what do you mean you guess so. there was no reason to respond like that. why not just say yeah. YEAH. YOUR ATTENTION. what was the point of i guess so. he looks soooo relieved to have an answer for his feelings but he’s saying i guess so. girl what. what! you’re guessing? you still don’t know for sure? he’s standing in front of you and you still can’t conjure up an emphatic yes? you’re acting in ways so strange your sister is baffled? you don’t even know why your father figure would approve of your relationship? you don’t know what you’re ready for? you don’t know why you lied to your best friend or why you hurt him? you’re just not certain of anything? “i guess so” WHAT DO YOU ACTUALLY KNOW!!!
181 notes · View notes
sporesgalaxy · 2 months ago
Text
in my dream last night they released a bill cipher themed soda called Decipher and I tried to go get some but insane wacky nonsense kept interrupting me before I could. I mean the nonsense had to do with the plot of the rest of the dream but it just kept showing up at the exact moment that I was about to get my soda. Ive just remembered the plot of the rest of the dream was that all of the straw hat piratds were there at tbis theme park we were in and some other group of pirates were trying to bully nico robin. the other pirate group was goth btw. their captain almost died from getting splashed with acid (by nico robin) (it was justified). But I didnt see that happen bc really I was mostly focused on getting my dumb soda.
65 notes · View notes
knockknockitsnickels · 17 hours ago
Text
Thinking about parallels between Ms. Beast and Tower. They're both the result of choosing to fight the princess and losing (no-knife and knife routes respectively), both have similarly boastful personalities and see you as beneath them (prey and a pet).
Something about how one becomes an animal and the other becomes a god, yet both transformations are equally dehumanizing.
33 notes · View notes
moeblob · 15 days ago
Text
Tumblr media
"Him? Oh, you know, he's kind of a loser." - probably everyone except for his younger brother.
Germaine is based on the layer of hell (Dante's Inferno) for material wealth before self, others, and god. So basically very materialistic and possessive of his belongings. Unfortunately, his younger brother qualifies as a belonging in his mind. So he does his absolute best to keep his brother safe and sound and scratch free - which is a bit tough in a post apocalyptic setting but he mostly manages.
Also a fact I just like to mention: he is incapable of lying.
#my characters#germaine wellington#welp guess who watched an anime recently (its not complete) and the dad of the mc made em think of a loserman big brother oc#its me! correct! the dad just reminded me a bit of germaine and i blame appearances mostly but also the dad was kind of a loser (i love him#and germaine does practically raise tremaine which further messes up their absolutely awful codependency#like yeah both brothers would kill for many reasons (survival and resources mainly) but !#if tremaine lost germaine hed probably cry and become incapable of moving on and eventually just dying w no reason to live#but if germaine lost tremaine hed go insane cause no no no thats HIS brother and hed start blaming everyone#and lose all rationale and logic while hes actually one of the most logic based in the group#hes a loser but dont let him lose things or he loses it more#but when hes really mad at tremaine for whatever reason his best friend is like uh huh what are you gonna do about it#and germaine is like........... we both know i will sigh and accept it and probably pat him on the head next i see him#which is incredibly honest and exactly what he does because yeah hes mad but even mad he cannot say#im gonna slap some sense into him because thats a lie he wouldn't hurt his brother#everyone in their group knows he cant lie so when he gets hesitant after being asked something they just know#hes trying to plot the best way to skirt the answer bc its apparently Not Good#he looks angry and annoyed often but its just resting bitch face#he lights up when he sees tremaine and he lightens up a little with his best friend#like lil smiles for his bestie and brother but when talking ABOUT his brother? he lights up and beams because hes so proud#of the coolest and smartest thing in his life (his brother)
25 notes · View notes
xxcherrycherixx · 8 days ago
Text
That ending was kind of shit...
18 notes · View notes
algrenion · 2 months ago
Text
me: im depressed and i have art block for drawing i guess i will try to write instead
the writing: bro this is just your own severe traumas portrayed through fictional characters you relate to & love at a distance
me:
Tumblr media
15 notes · View notes
batfossil-fr · 7 months ago
Text
I’ve been really thinking of reopening my art shop soon… I’ve been taking some practice doodles (hence all the posting lately) while I shake off my rust and I’m finding things I enjoy working on again. I miss trying my hand at more dragons/OCs and colors. my shop’s so broken rn lmao but that’s a problem for a later date it’s just nice getting back into art
#my mental health is starting to improve a bit#took a couple years but I found some meds that finally work better for me#ofc things aren’t 100% but I was really in a pit for a while#like ‘did not leave my house in months and slept 14 hours a day’ kind of pit#so. any improvement is better lol. but nah I’ve been making real improvement and im doing better. a lil shaky sometimes but that’s expected#diagnosed with chronic fatigue too. which is unfortunate but not unexpected. i am indeed god’s sleepiest soldier#i feel like a raisin slowly rehydrating but considering i was in a desert before any hydration is welcome#just learning how to enjoy things again overall#one thing I just couldn’t get myself to do (and enjoy) was art. doodles here and there but nothing to post#and it’s kind of funny because I feel like that downtime actually gave me a chance to think about what I wanted to work on#even when I wasn’t actively practicing#just paying attention to things I guess. enjoying art styles#i genuinely think my experimenting with stained is helping me learn colors#i spend hours in the scryshop im glad it’s paying off lmao#i want to tackle bigger things but i just gotta ease myself into the hang of things again#for now im having fun and that’s coooool. thank you all for your nice comments#i read all tags while kicking my feet and giggling. thank u all#that’s the update on Me tho. more to come hopefully#starting next month/julyish I will have a significant amount of time to dedicate to drawing which i intend on doing#so who knooowwwsss#rambles#funny enough coloring has become my favorite part of the process now. it used to be lineart. now lineart annoys me LOL#i also feel like i kinda lost my ability to write which has been frustrating but im focusing on art first#anyways that’s a whole different tangent rant over
24 notes · View notes
mamawasatesttube · 2 years ago
Text
thought abt sotmverse kon & clark things too hard and put myself in the soup. im in the sauce. im floating face down
163 notes · View notes
sundial-bee-scribbles · 3 months ago
Text
Tumblr media
silly guys that make me lose followers on tumblr dot com
11 notes · View notes
doomfestival · 2 months ago
Text
Tumblr media
it me
8 notes · View notes
the-fidgety-fiddler · 2 months ago
Text
...
#made it back to school last night from my childhood hometown in NC#i feel so strange... i got there on thursday afternoon and came back yesterday but i feel like that weekend lasted a month#i think i am in shock still.. the area i grew up in is so utterly and completely devastated i can hardly comprehend it#not to mention the surrounding states...#and even though we were just trying to survive while i was there and it was so so scary .. it was only temporary for me#i get to go home to my cushy apartment with running water and electricity while some of my closest friends and family are wondering#if they can get enough water#and so many have lost their livelihoods or even their lives#some of them have gotten water and power back but others are still stuck. and i feel like i am still there even though im not.#its like this weird anxious guilty numbness feeling that wont go away and gets worse whenever i turn on lights or see a case of water.#i dont live there anymore but I am so emotionally tied to that area ... and i was there for the storm and saw the aftermath#but its not actually my home so i feel like... i dont know what I feel actually.#but i dont feel good#and then i feel guilty for feeling bad too!! like I dont deserve to be upset or traumatized?? maybe i should go to therapy again...#idk if any of this even makes sense... and i dont mean to be all me me me during all of this. i guess I am just tired and need to vent a bi#anyway please please pray for the people affected by the hurricane. and if you can donate that would be so so wonderful.#it seems like it will be years for the area to fully recover. if it ever even does.#if youve read this far you have my apologies for my word slop... heres a heart for you 🩷 and a caterpillar 🐛 i think i need to go to bed#i have class and rehearsal tomorrow. even though all of that just seems kind of pointless to me right now#but maybe more sleep will help...#my post
11 notes · View notes
muirneach · 5 months ago
Text
allow me to get yaoiful about the canadian tennis curse real quick. anyways. possible correlation between the downfall of denis’ career and whatever messy breakup he and felix had. when was the last time we had proof of them being besties. back when denis was doing well. coincidence?? also, what even happened there. because felix in those atp youtube videos always says ‘MY GOOD FRIEND denis shapovalov’ etc etc. he always always says my good friend. even like a month ago or whenever the last time he was in atp video was. but then, denis does not give him the time of day it seems. like what is that about. anyways, if they played doubles together again (rogers cup pleaseeee for the home crowd 🙏) i think denis would be back on the rise. and post
18 notes · View notes
sometimesiwanna-disappear · 8 months ago
Text
im gonna tbh with yall, listening to magnus archives again without the constant fanon bleed and regular discussion etc.... definitely colors it a different way lol! i have more criticisms than i did when i listened to it the first time and it makes me a bit sad because i love it so so soso much. just coming up on the unknowing arc and i'm mentally strapping myself in because i'm realizing things [I dont like jmart very much / would like it MUCH BETTER if martin was actually a twist villain and web aligned i keep seeing the wires johnny i am shaking you by the shoulders DID YOU TAKE WEB ALIGNED EVIL MARTIN FROM US TO APPEASE THE FOUND FAMILY FANFICTION SOFT TEENAGE FANS ..... tell me why jonelias is so much more appealing to me now relistening to it as a grown ass woman . PAIN].
12 notes · View notes
anxiously-sidequesting · 1 year ago
Text
To me personally malistaire is the funniest and most pathetic villain wizard101 has ever had AND I MEAN THAT SINCERELY!!! Between doomed children who have been manipulated, groomed, and isolated into becoming products of their environments, someone scorned who has been punished unfairly by having your biological heart torn out your chest and turning your children and all of reality against you to satiate their own ego, a nonhuman entity so powerful and so clueless they unintentionally threaten the lives of everyone around them, Malistaire FELL DOWN BRO. Like yeah you're bitchless now. You and me both. Get in line. Everyone in this room is bitchless. We are ALL living that ✨💅🏾💃🕺 Single Life™. You are a middle-aged man. Cope
#this post is lighthearted btw JELAJWODJTU i aint actually mad#but like...... malistaire as a villain is kinda mid though im sorry. IM SORRY ill take the L opinion if i have to#its one thing if he lost his wife to unfair systematic negligence or thru someone else's doings or smth but. no she just got sick bro 😐#HWMSNFLEKSDIDOA EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE I WILL GIVW A BAD OPINION AND THIS IS ONE OF THEM. i cant be right ALL the time /j#like if i dont focus on malistaire's motives and just his ACTIONS he seems super metal#but then he does ALLLLL of that heinous shit because his wife died. like thats absolutely very sad but damn get a grip#(fandom starts breaking in my windows and drags me out into the street) IM SORRY IM SORRY LOOK ITS JUST NOT MY CUP OF TEA#ive never been invested in those Mr. Freeze types of villains where a person they love dies due to normal circumstances-#and they go fucking BERSERK. they LOSE IT. they go like “well okay fuck the entire world i guess nothing matters” and then kill people#LIKE IF IT'S DONE IN A CERTAIN WAY I CAN BE INVESTED but more often than not to me? its just kind of funny#like “okay damn there was only ONE person keeping you from being a national criminal? okay”#and you know what? thats a mood actually. thats a mood#without my cat i probanly would have become the president by now#for some reason its a little diff for me if its like a child you lost and idk why#like if malistaire lost a kid instead of his wife id probably be more inclined to feel bad and thats terribly fucked up JSLSJSJSJ#you know what its also bias because in some shape or form i relate to all the other villains. morganthe and duncan especially#whereas in malitsaire's case i have never been married. which i mean doesnt stop me from tryna be more synpathetic i guess but im just not#ONCE AGAIN FEEL VERY BAD FOR HIM AND SULVIA. like losing someone to sickness or any reason really is a serious thing#but in terms of a fictional setting with fictional characters where one of them decides to commit genocide over it? 🧍 like okay boo u do u#i will gladly give up my mantle for the “most reasonable opinions” guy in the fandom foe this one. i deserve it#wizard101#w101#wiz101#text posts#malistaire drake
19 notes · View notes