#i guess im a real artist or something? who knew?

[hashtagcaneven]

Look at the wake from the stardust pouring from your eyes

[harrysgal]

I DIG YOUR CINEMA (2)

harry styles x yn aspiring filmmaker — social media AU

I know I’m just starting and don’t actually have much experience with this, but I’m actually having a lot of fun doing it and already can’t wait to post more.

About the smau: yn starts posting videos on youtube and is trying to build a career as a filmmaker. Things are going pretty well for her and she starts getting more attention when she creates content about shows she goes to. She’s also a fan of Harry’s music and some of his fans start getting suspicious when his team starts interacting with her.

Disclaimer: The story it’s set in 2021 and it will follow their relationship through the LOT leg in the US. Since this is nothing but fiction, I will be following some of the real timeline but also adding my own stuff. On top of that, I won’t be basing myself on Harry’s actual posts.

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PART 1 — MEET YN / MASTERLIST

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I DIG YOUR CINEMA (PART 2) — LAS VEGAS

liked by bestfriend, yourmom, mollyjane_x and 22,108 others 

yourinstagram HELLOOOOOOO FABULOUS LAS VEGAS NEVADA 

view all 3,045 comments

user1 soooo… a new full time job that took you to las vegas? 👀 yourbrother Please behave  bestfriend don’t get (too) drunk without me pls harryfan STOP FIRST LOT SHOW IT’S IN VEGAS 

↳ harryfan2 She’s going to the show right???? I mean it can’t be just a coincidence anymore IT JUST CAN’T ↳ harryfan NO I KNOW THIS IS IT I CAN FEEL IT IN MY BONES

Aug 26, 2021 •

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liked by bestfriend, cuteguy, mollyjane_x and 22,451 others 

yourinstagram you’d think a lady in vegas would be out there getting wild but this one actually has been locked in her hotel room for the last 27 hours overthinking her ideas and freaking out about this new job lol if any of you could send me a pizza or something id appreciate it. thanks. 

view all 3,111 comments

user1 nooooo you’re so talented whatever it is i know you can do it!! bestfriend yn ✋🏻  cuteguy Should I give you a call? 😊 harryfan17 I would too be freaking out if I had to work for THE harry styles lol

↳ harryfan16 we still don’t know if she is tho  ↳ harryfan17 C’mon she’s in vegas and molly and jeff are following her ↳ harryfan16 still 🤷🏻‍♀️ tour doesn’t start for another few days so this could be just about something else  ↳ harryfan16 also maybe she’s there because she wants to be and not bc she’s “working” for him. she’s done videos about several artists and she isn’t working for any of them is she?  ↳ harryfan17 Well yes but she literally just said she was starting a new job so 🤷‍♀️ ↳ harryfan16 so everyone just assumed HARRY, out of all people, hired her? c’mon guys lol she could be working for just anyone and STILL go to a show. one doesn’t have to be related to the other.

Aug 28, 2021 •

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liked by anthonypham, bestfriend, lookitsnyoh and 25,103 others 

yourinstagram fun fact: if you post something on the internet people around you might see it 🫠

guess im lucky this lovely group who still don’t know me at all cared enough to drag me out of my room and show me around the city. sometimes i get so caught up inside my mind that i forget how important human connection is — which is funny if you think most of my videos are exactly about that lol. so plssssss make sure to surround yourself with (nice) people. also get some sleep, drink water and feed yourself. it’ll do wonderful things for you!!!

anyway my mom was worried about my “not leaving the room post” so this is just me saying everythings good!! (i also already called her of course <3)

view all 3,557 comments

bestfriend LOVE YOU harryfan the new followers the new likes 😭 it’s happening i knew it  user1 so true bestie!! this reminded me of your 2nd video i think

↳ yourinstagram omg yesssss!!  ↳ user1 ahh i missed your interactions <3  ↳ yourinstagram i knowww! promise i’ll try my best to keep interacting even if it’s not as much as before 💗

lookitsnyoh my belly still hurts from all the laughing 

↳ yourinstagram and my mind is still rushing from all the talking ↳ anthonypham go to sleep you two 

harryfan9 I DON’T KNOW WHAT’S HAPPENING BUT OMFG I’M SO HERE FOR IT

Aug 29, 2021 •

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liked by anthonypham, mollyjane_x, bestfriend and 27,257 others 

yourinstagram sightseeing left me speechless. but here’s a picture from tonight. 

view all 4,107 comments

user1 omg you’re feeding us this week! i’m so happy you’re being active again <3 harryfan78 POST A PICTURE OF YOURSELF I WANT TO MEET YOU AT THE SHOW BUT I DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE 

↳ user4 calm down pls? we like to behave as respectful human beings on this profile

bestfriend ❤️❤️❤️ bestfriend i’m losing my mind but i’m also so excited and proud! user7 I miss your videos :( lookitsnyoh when was this? where was I? bummed that I missed it!

↳ yourinstagram sorryyy just a last minute decision after dinner :( ↳ lookitsnyoh ohhhh makes sense now! Glad it left you speechless ↳ yourinstagram i mean the city is beautiful  ↳ lookitsnyoh sure thing it is 👽

Sep 1, 2021 •

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liked by harryfan, harryfan2 and 15,157 others 

fanwhometharry GUYS I JUST MET HARRY I’M SHAKKNG I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MY LIFE NOW 

view all 2,107 comments

harryfan64 omg where did you meet him??

↳ fanwhometharry AT THE BELLAGIO  ↳ harryfan64 is he staying there???  ↳ fanwhometharry NO!! I MEAN IDK?? I DONT RHINK SO I JUST MET HIM OUTSIDE AT THE FOUNTAINS  ↳ harryfan74 hmm not tryin to be rude or something but that sounds like a weird place for him to be tbh ↳ fanwhometharry I FUCKKNG KNOW THAT?? I MEAN MY PARENTS WANTED TO SEE THE WATER SHOW SO I TAGGED ALONG BUT NEVER EVER THOUGHT ID BUMP INTO HIM THERE

harryfan62 you’re so lucky!! was he alone???

↳ imetharry I DONT KNOW?? I DONT REMEMBER I WAS SO NERVOUS  ↳ imetharry I KNOW THERE WAS A GIRL NEARBY BC SHE HANDED HIM A PEN WHEN I COULDNT FIND MINE BUT I DONT KNOW IF SHE WAS WITH HJIM OR NOT ↳ harryfan62 who was this girl? Anyone from the LOT crew? ↳ imetharry IDK I JUST SAID I DONT EVEN KNOW IF SHE WAS WITH HIM OR NOT 😭

harryfan15 Hi hun! Don’t listen to people, they're just jealous. It was really sweet of him to sign that for you! Hope you have a great time at the show 💕

↳ imetharry THANK YOU 😭😭 HE WAS THERE JUST WATCHING LIKE A NORMAL PERSON SO I DIDN’T WANT TO TAKE A PIC IF PEOPLE DON’T BELIEVE ME THEN I DON’T CARE I KNOW IT’S REAL 😭😭

Sep 1, 2021 •

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liked by gemmastyles, anthonypham, jefezoff and 35,109 others 

yourinstagram having to keep this secret from the world was the most cruelest thing that anyone has ever done to me. but whatever… it’s fine… i’m okay… i’m just gonna pretend this wasn’t a big deal and i didn’t just watch one of my favorite artists perform my favorite songs… and then i’ll just casually say: pls stay tuned for next wednesday when my new video will be up 😇

(i’ll be back and share more details once my serotonin levels have normalized again)

view all 7,125 comments

bestfriend i love you so much thank you for representing us so well  harryfan I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I KNEW IT OMFG I CANT WAIT I KNEW IT harryfan2 YN KASDHUHHD PLS OMFG YOU CAN’T JUST SAY THIS AND LEAVE user1 😲 i can’t wait for this one! harrystyles soz 

↳ harryfan OMFG HARRY ↳ harryfan5 ?????????????????????????? ↳ harryfan3 AUIDHIAUSHDBAJH WTF ↳ harryfan9 ARE YOU F KIDDING ME WHATS HE DOING HERE

cuteguy Nice! Glad you’re having a good time darling. 

Sep 4, 2021 •

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PART 3: DENVER

— — — — — 

If you happen to read and enjoy this, pls let me know? 🙏 thanks!! it would be nice to know if this is working, or what else would people would like to see.

[nvuy]

your writing style is a dream of mine, and the pacing & humor in your fics are some of the many reasons i decided to follow you !

i'm trying to write fanfics myself & potentially even run a writing blog! could you share a few writing tips?

you are so cute.

i’ll let you in on a secret: i started actually publishing my fics in 2020, but i since abandoned them because they’re embarrassing. however, here’s one as a starting point. i look back at it and cringe A LOT, but it was my foot in the door, and 15 year old me was very proud of it, so i didn’t want to straight up delete it.

i didn’t start out on tumblr because i get nervous being forced to interact with people because im a pretty abrupt person and i talk about the things that i like too much and im aware that can scare people away. it was about halfway thru writing old habits before i actually posted something. that was this and i posted it because i knew what little audience i had knew ME because i wrote a scaramouche fic. so. scaramouche content.

and because of the tumblr tagging system, people saw it, they liked it, and some people wanted more.

i then interacted with other writers slowly even though i was scared and frankly still am. you dont have to go around asking to be moots or spamming hearts left and right and putting their dicks in ur mouth, but being nice and having a scope around on what other people do on here helped me develop this ugly little blog i have.

i got really into hsr so i write a lot of hsr. i get a lot of people that ask if i could write more genshin impact, and i could, but at the end of the day, it’s my blog, and if i dont want to, i dont have to. i lost interest, so i dont really have to care about it, nor pay it any mind. do i still write it? sure! rarely, but i do. i don’t play wuwa anymore, but im down to write a piece or two if i get an idea, etc etc.

another thing is: don’t write in the hopes that you’ll post it on tumblr. same way i don’t think artists should draw just for the sake of posting. i have so much shit laying on various docs that won’t even be shown on this site, because it doesn’t need to be here. not because it’s bad, or it’s weird, but because i don’t have to post it, because it’s my blog.

the thing is you just be yourself and write whatever the fuck you want. i write horror & weird shit; my audience is probably well aware of that by now, and im not really worried to post anything super weird because its sort of what’s expected of me.

i know horror and romantic cannibalism connotations and yanderes and unsubtle sexy threats is not everyone’s thing, and that’s ok! they don’t have to like what i put out, and i don’t worry about it, because people who like your shit will interact, and people who don’t will not. and people that don’t like ur shit and still interact are losers. hit the block button & move on.

someone is always bound to like your works.

i guess the ‘funny’ comes from the fact that i try to write dialogue how real people would speak. in fictional context, someone like kaedehara kazuha could wax poetry for three hours without stuttering in game, but realistically, nobody can probably do that without pauses, stammers, messing up words, etc. so i try to incorporate a sense of realism into everything, even if it’s a fanfiction in a world where a small boy in white tights is a god and everyone gets tiny little orbs that give them magical elemental powers.

i remember that even though these characters are fictional, i write them as though they could potentially be real people that do things real people do: fidget, stutter, blush, try and be funny and fail, they have problems large or small, etc. you have to mould your personality and writing style to make these characters alive on what you put out—childe seems like a great husband on paper, but is he all that good when he has unchecked mental health problems and has violent outbursts and desires? think about it.

another thing: don’t doubt your skill and prowess, especially in comparing yourself to posts with like 10000+ notes. most of them are note farming bullshit anyway—and a lot of the reader community is more likely to click on porn fics than normal fics. its why the popular posts on the x reader tags are usually porn. it’s half the reason why confiteor is infinitely more popular that old habits when im pretty sure scaramouche is a bigger character on the popularity charts.

strictly nsfw blogs that people make i can guarantee you are a lot more popular than their main blogs.

which brings me to: dont hop on trends. don’t do it. youll burn yourself out. just write what you want. fuck everyone. do whatever the fuck you want. if porn is popular but you’re extremely sex-repulsed or not comfortable, don’t write it. dont write to please people; it’s your blog and your time you’re putting into to do what YOU like, and you’re sharing your work for FREE on a public platform. a lot of people can’t do that. there’s people that follow my blog that openly admit they don’t like yandere/horror/whatever content. am i going to change what i post because of these people? no. not my problem. don’t care. i don’t exist to please everyone, and neither do you. stick to what you like.

don’t write for fandoms you don’t give a shit about just because they’re popular. even if what you like has a small, non-existent fan base, i promise you’ll enjoy writing for that more than something that you’re creating for clicks. notes are nice, but again, you don’t have to post everything you create. half the joy in writing is rediscovering old shit you don’t remember writing for a fandom you actually like. it’s like a reward.

[duhragonball]

Dragon Ball AF Lore

Last night I reblogged a thing about Xicor, the imaginary villain of Dragon Ball AF, the imaginary sequel to Dragon Ball GT. There were some cool responses to this, but I didn't want to reblog the entire post all over again, so I thought I'd carry the discussion over here.

@brotoman-exe : #so do they ever explain why Goku cheats on his wife in this set up?#(to be clear Im guessing it was likely a stolen dna Superman 4 thing just having fun)

My understanding was that the West Supreme Kai faked her death and then came back as a bad guy. She somehow obtained a DNA sample from Goku and used it to impregnate herself? The end result being that Xicor is the biological son of Goku and the West Supreme Kai, even though Goku himself had no idea of any of this.

Of course, it's impossible to cite sources on any of this, since I'm talking about made-up details from a made-up show. It's entirely possible that there are other versions of the AF legend where Goku cheated on his wife like a jerk.

What I always wanted to know was how the West Supreme Kai survived the fight with Kid Buu five million years ago, and why she laid low for so long.

But now that you've brought up Superman IV, I can't stop thinking about the raw chicken thigh Lex stuffed in that little lockbox. This is my new DBAF personal canon.

@scarabats123: #As someone who wasn't alive in 1994#let me tell you Xicor and AF was THRIVING in the 2000s up into the early 2010s#hell even now some people make nostalgic fanart of it#Everyone knew about Xicor and Evil Goku and that blue bald dude

It really is bizarre how long the AF mythos has persisted. I think Dragon Ball Super was the final nail in the coffin for any true believers that were still left, but by the time DBS came out AF had already established itself as this weird little thing in its own right. It's like Bigfoot. I think everyone knows it's not real and doesn't make a lot of sense, but the idea is too much fun to discard completely.

@mozillavulpix: definitely think there's a lot of information here that's wrong, but I wasn't in the fandom in the 1990s to confirm any of it But the one big thing is...I'm pretty sure 'Dragon Ball AF' was originally supposed to stand for 'April Fools'. Like at one point someone somewhere started the name just because it'd be hilarious to trick people into believing something with a name so obviously-fake if you were paying attention. But when people started believing it they came up with their own theories on what it meant. kanzenshuu also says the rumours probably only started around 2002-2003 https://www.kanzenshuu.com/rumor/dragon-ball-af/

There were some factual errors, but the one that stood out to me was the notion of Toyotaro creating Towa and Mira, since I'd always heard Toriyama created her for Dragon Ball Online. And I've heard of the Goku Black/Xicor parallels before, but I'm pretty sure that's more of a coincidence than anything else.

I also found the 1990s to be a little too early for AF rumors to really get started, so I went back to that Kanzenshuu article you linked to and read it again just to check. This time, I ran across the link to the message board discussion about the "SSJ5 Goku" image that seems to have started it all.

Apparently, this was all discovered back in 2012, but I don't think I ever heard about this until now. Someone found the "AF Goku" image in an issue of the magazine Hobby Consolas, cover dated May 1999.

It looks like the magazine just published reader-submitted fan art, and this particular one was credited to David Montiel Franco of Alicante, Spain. Forums member Raykugan published this information in February 2012, and then Derek Padula contacted the artist and published his findings on his blog "Dao of Dragon Ball".

David Montiel Franco, as it turns out, has his own blog, af-dragonball.blogspot.com, where he appears to be promoting his Dragon Ball AF fancomics. And apparently, the guy in the image is not Super Saiyan 5 Goku at all, but an OC named Tablos.

So it appears that the true original DBAF was a fanwork created by Franco prior to May 1999. Everyone else was building onto his creation whether they knew it or not. The alternative is that Franco is stealing the credit from the true artist, but that seems like a weird thing to still be holding onto after all these years. I mean, if he wanted clout, you'd think he'd do more self-promotion than this. By now, everyone would have heard of his claims to be the creator of AF. So I think he might be the real deal.

Anyway, it definitely ties DBAF to the year 1999, although I have a feeling the rumors didn't really pick up steam until 2002 or so, as U.S. fans became aware of a sequel series to Z and wondered what might follow after that. There may have been rumors in other countries that got earlier access to GT, and there were surely American fans in the 90's who knew more about GT before it was localized. But at least the concept of AF was around in the 90's, even if it was the tail end of the 90's, and even if it was very obscure.

But that's AF in general, not Xicor. I get the sense that Vintagegeekculture seemed to conflate Tablos with Xicor, and that's probably an understandable mistake to make, since Xicor was probably invented as a response to what was thought to be SSJ5 Goku. So Xicor must have come later, but how much later?

I guess what bugs me is that there ought to be someone who would claim credit for the character, the way Franco claimed to be the artist of the DBAF image. It's kind of fascinating how Xicor is out there and no one's trying to act like it was their idea.

[not-goldy]

https://www.tumblr.com/not-goldy/739682356919697408/httpswwwtumblrcomnot-goldy739667897212862464

No seriously, I’m not trying to start anything or gaslight you! 😅😅

Maybe I misunderstood, sorry.

So if we think Jk was quick to clear any gf rumors and dropped the gay Tik Tok, and a ‘queer cleanse’ does not seem necessary.. then I guess I’m a having a hard time connecting the dots on what you’re saying here overall?

I think the whole ‘queer cleanse’ bit tripped me up.

(No lie, I actually did fail reading comp in school 😭)

Ah I see.

The point I was making is, queer cleansing of an Artist's image is a real thing. Hollywood does it, kpop does it. However it's done as a way to salvage an Artist's image to improve their commercial viability.

Think of it this way, if Jungkook who has a tattoo has to appear on certain channels in SK, he was to cover up his tattoos. That is a form of cleanse. He is clearing up his appearance in order to appear consumable to an audience.

If a song is explicit, certain lines would have to be muted to clean it up.

Similarly, if a someone is mired in queer rumors, he will out a straight relationship to prove he is not queer or to detach from that image.

Lil Nas faked a queer cleanse recently to promote his new music- of course we over here knew it was a ruse. But apparently people took him seriously 🙄

He pretended he had "repented" the gay and was back into the church and was promoting conservative Christian values etc only to disappoint them all with a sike🥲🥲🥲🥲

It's very common for people who are queer to cleanse their image, to break away from any associations with the queer community or their queer identity by entering into "straight" relationships or marriage, converting to Christianity or whatever other means as a dramatic exit from queerhood.

It's a denunciation of a sort if you will.

And usually it's done to mitigate whatever negative impact your queer image is having on you either socially or commerciallly

For queer artists they do this by either "accidentally" revealing a relationship, (sort of like celebrities calling Paparazi on themselves) or allowing straight rumors to fly about them to suggest they are straight and to rebut any queer rumors surrounding them only to later recant this- openly or privately. It's a keeping it low sort of thing or going under the radar when you find yourself in controversies that are overwhelmingly adversely impacting you or that's imminently going to impact you.

But it's not always done just to hide something. Sometimes it's done to expose something.

Tae did the same thing with Jennie when he followed and unfollowed her. We all knew he had started seeing someone but we weren't in the know as to who it was and we wouldn't have known had he not pulled that "accidental" stunt.

Sometimes, they choose to post and delete where they "accidentally" post a text message photo etc and delete it immediately to make it seem it was inadvertent.

Some idols will post a rant and delete it to set the record straight on things or for Tae, post a get out of your imagination and delete. It's a brief quick statement of their intentions done in a way as to placate themselves.

It's all very manipulative and PR rubbish. Quite effective. But not very slick

So what I'm saying is, I understand OPS original post as them saying JK will be queer cleansing soon. And I don't know their reasons for believing that, it's their blog their opinion however I disagree with them.

Im saying I don't think he will or need to unless he's done something outrageously gay to warrant such a cleanse or unless his public image is been stinky lately that it's affecting him commercially.

[anthraxplus]

something i didnt even really process until now is that the stupid fucking gaylor nyt article's opening sentence openly shows how uncaring the author actually is about gay artists. there's no way you write this:

In 2006, the year Taylor Swift released her first single, a closeted country singer named Chely Wright, then 35, held a 9-millimeter pistol to her mouth.

and then write another 4701 words about taylor swift if queer artists matter to you. those further 4701 words shouldve been about chely wright. i don't think im saying anything that hasnt already been said about this article. we all know it sucks. we all know its bad for multiple multiple multiple reasons. but i keep coming back to this point specifically, for some reason.

i think it's the fact that the audience was given a glimpse at an actually queer artist who struggled in the industry, who lost half of her fanbase when she came out, who wasn't able to properly and safely explore her sexuality until two years after she put a gun in her fucking mouth... only to be blithely discarded for someone whose closest brush to queerness has been wearing a rainbow dress. i dont hold respect for nyt, but a lot of people do, and it is actually sickening how a real discussion about queer artists was sidelined for fantasizing about a billionaire being gay because you did bible code shit to her music videos.

i only know about chely wright because of this article (im not much of a country listener) and immediately i felt robbed of an interesting story. i skimmed her wikipedia for info on her life and felt even more robbed as i realized how easy it would have been to use her as the centerpiece for a story on queer artists. i already knew the broader culture doesnt actually care about us, but, is it wrong for me to be going a little insane at how blunt they are about it? not even blunt in the way that their legislation is blunt. blunt in the way that they openly, knowingly, proudly take attention away from openly queer artists and admit that they are doing it purely because the idea of an artist being gay is more interesting to them than the reality of an artist being gay.

i know im ultimately the fool for feeling all these things about it. people have just moved on, and they should. i guess i just wanted to vent about it. thanks for reading this all the way to the end. did you know that i love you?

[clivedovelover]

There's one thing I do truly wish to understand here; why do you draw the things that can be considered pro-fiction? What do you gain out of this? Genuinely curious.

I really thought if i should answer this one since i don't wanna be too descriptive with personal stuff

But i always drew fucked up stuff, since i was 7 or so, with characters that i liked (before being in a fandom obviously) so its something i did from a young age because of the stuff that happened to me.

For a long time i wondered why i started drawing things of that kind, drawings that were even "glamourized". (I always knew those were no more than that: drawings, i was aware that stuff was wrong in the real life so you can calm down if you thought otherwise)

From some introspection that i did at 13 (bc i suddenly remembered everything with clear detail at that age for some reason) i realized i drew/draw those specific things in that way bc i wanted/want to have some control over what happened, how things could've been happen (positive or negative) and how i imagined those other people that did stuff to me might felt/feel about the situation. Closure.

Years passed and i still draw about things because i'm, well, traumatized lol but i don't feel pressed about that, i never did, i always knew something happened to me and it is how it is

So no i don't cry my eyes out while drawing fucked up things, i don't feel horny either. Is just normal in my experiencie and nowadays fun.

Today is just something that is part of how i express myself (and ppl who i know won't judge me). Because i do that stuff for myself

I guess what i gain from drawing that is autonomy and indivituality???? Im not going to let someone to tell me what i should or shouldnt draw and how should i express myself. Is liberating

But that's just me as an specific victim and artist so please don't compare me with other ppl just to say "well they are traumatized too and didn't do that", everyone have their own personal reasons and i know i'm not hurting anyone

[raraavisalterego]

To the Wonder (2024) Ep1

(A quick intro)

So i have to say i went into this drama with high expectations based on the cast, the cannes and peoples opinion i had seen. And i was a bit meh in the beginning. The first 2 eps are the lowest point of the drama (which is not bad by any means) but i really enjoy it as a whole. I´d say i enjoy it more than the actual quality of it, like it is good but its better for me because i like it, know what i mean?

I will be writing this as i rewatch . Also like im not going to spell/grammar check this so there may be mistakes

(lets get into it, its going to be loooong and SPOILERS)

"So in the coldest and longest days in winter, no set of footprints can lead to my home"

I really like the intro, gurl set that tone

Damn 3mins and im already glad that i am rewatching, the birch!

(just coping this here for later)

But i do find it curious that an young artist does not know what they want, how does one experience the feeling of wanting to create without a vision of ones creation? i guess insecurity plays a part on it but its something you dont see often

the way the camera panned here made me think this lady was going to be someone later on, is she the writer-housewife? ill see

Girl we will be able to tell... An yet (i am not knowledged in how altay is) one would think that the county seat is still quite "rural" for how city-like they have written Wenxiu to be, and eh i dont know if its the same in the novel but its definately something that made me go ??? at some moments later

the icon, the legend, speak your truth

and now this rat

we will get back to virginia woolf later on, nice

also another note, for someone who loves writting we never see her read, but there is a respect conveyed with straightening the frame that i liked

ok now we are on the village

Like why are we saying hello in mandarin to the neighbours. Here we have thing nº1 that bothered me: you live here, maybe before in a less rural area but still, and you dont know shit in kazak. And i get that she is han, that at home and at the school she went they spoke in mandarin, that they are closed off in their communities, that everyone has to adapt to them and not the other way around. But with all this considered i would still expect her to know some, like a greeting, like thank you. If this is what is normal irl yikes.

Because i understand its use to define a line and she is written to make the viewer feel like an outsider, but too much. Write her a greating please cmon. An ick of mine. Lets move on

We go from watching wuxia on tv to nature documentary to 200m dash, who told you to change the channel!

Exactly: baby. (but i feel this is a minstraslation)

Good point to talk about thing nº2 that bothered me. (it looks like im only talking shit but trust i love this). Ok this happened mainly before starting to watch it. I read the sinopsis and it says Yushi is playing Batay a kazakh and im like wait a minute, he is not. I liked him a lot on fengshen and i knew he can ride a horse pretty well an that is a positive here. So when i started watching and i hear him talk im surprised by the quality of the dubbing, he has the same voice! Then i found out its actually him, nice, another positive. Overall, would i wish that the main actor was kazakh? yes; where the chances high for that? no; am i satisfied with the end result? pretty much.

Also i find him really atractive so...

XD. But its a real thing.

Cute

Ok they have mentioned the county they live in: fuyun, total population of the county 99k, 54% kazakh. Point nº1 stands.

yes

"We are practically living like vagrants" watch what you say, in a couple eps you will be all in for that seminomadic life bby

[linolinoing]

[ hey, you dont have to post this, i just wanted to say smth in response to some other asks ive seen you get. im just saying things in a monotone btw pls dont read this with any sort of extreme tone /gen. ]

all of them are older than me, and i am an established adult. they know the real world. i see not a single reason you should expect them not to.

chan is just as online as your average stay. felix is all over tiktok. students in a south korean university are demonstrating so noticeably news of it have reached people all over the world. and they are in south korea. they would have heard of everything by now.

chan has a habit of doing things jyp doesn‘t want him to do if he wants to do them bad enough.

i dont think anybody forced them to do this collab.

i dont think they secretly hated it. theyve mentioned wanting to collab with this guy before multiple times; i remember at least two.

3racha and skz have brought insane success to jype with all four of their most recent comebacks. jyp has his flaws, but i don‘t think hes an unapproachable tyrant. other jype artists have talked abt negotiating things with him pretty easily.

i personally dont believe they tried to object to anything theyve recently done, cc or this. i wish people would stop acting as if theyre literal slaves. theyre in a good position in the company and the industry at large.

if they truly wanted to object, i believe they would have.

hard is just something this sort of thing is. no matter who, what, or where you are.

[ all of our takes are more or less speculation, this is just my two cents. i would be happy if you would share them, but do with them what you will, its your blog. have a good day ]

About your second message - don't worry it didn't come of that way at all and please don't feel stupid for voicing your opinion!

I definitely don't think they were against any of the collabs they did, but unfortunatly there's still a lot of people who live in their own bubble and don't check the world news, so I wouldn't be surprised if they didn't know what companies are being boycotted.

Most kpop idols stay silent about pretty much all social and political topics, most can't even say outright what their own beliefs are. However there are idols who do speak up - Fatou from balckswan, BM from kard, Suho from EXO to name a few that I can think of. Can it potentially cause consequences for them? Yes. And they still did it. Until a few days ago people weren't event asking kpop idols to speak up, mostly fans were asking companies to divest from working with zionists.

It's pretty obvious 3racha like puths music and were happy to collaborate with him and judging by how many stays didn't know anything about what puth had said in the past, I don't think 3racha knew either. BUT there's is no way they don't know now. When skz were on stationhead today a lot of stays commented about Palestine and the boycott, even tho comments were going really fast, it was very noticeable. Will they stop all the promotions? No. Will jype release a statement? No. They're just going to keep on promoting this collab, remixes will be realesed soon, they're sending this song on radio and performing it on 15th, and that's only what we know of. I kinda feel like even after the promo period they will still perform this song, maybe at the festivals, maybe even on upcoming tour. Also they're spending a lot of time in ny right now so I'm afraid this is not the only weird move that we will see from them, cuz if this song is sort of a pre realese for the album then idk what kind of an album is waiting for us. I hope I'm wrong about that, but i guess we just have to wait and see

[sunghoons-mole]

My November with Lee Heeseung - First Entry (TDE SERIES)

BEGINNING OF THE DATING EXPERIMENT SERIES BY @sunghoons-mole​

heeseung x afab!reader

WARNINGS FOR THIS CHAPTER // fluff, heeseung dating a fan

FROM THE AUTHOR // im so nervous about this series, i hope some of you enjoy it! i am not sure how often or consistently i will be adding to it so apologies ahead of time

“November came and went, same as every month. But it took a part of me with it, and left a piece of itself deep within me.” 

-Y/N

November 1 

It was cold when we stepped out of the HYBE office building, both dressed in black hoodies and jeans. It was supposed to seem less suspicious that way. In my opinion, the whole thing was enough to make people wonder, but there we were. I guess that was the point of the whole thing. 

Cool air stung my face, and I could hear the leaves skid across the sidewalk as the breeze whipped through my hair. I never really liked the cold, but I was too nervous to focus on the low temperature. I was walking alongside Lee Heeseung, who was just deemed my temporary boyfriend less than an hour prior.

I wondered if I should try to hold his hand. It might help me realize that this is all real, and that he was actually there. I didn’t imagine getting this far when I submitted my application. I mostly did it for laughs. 

I glanced at him in my peripheral, taking long strides that he was trying to shorten so I could keep up. The man was tall, especially compared to me. It felt like I was walking with a tree. 

We eventually reached his car, and he smiled as he opened the passenger door for me. His expression combined with the gesture was warm amidst the chilly day, and I felt something rise in my stomach as I smiled back, thanking him. Was I being too formal? This was an arrangement with a contract and all, but I knew we had to make it seem more real if we were to get the job done. 

It was only the first day. I needed to relax.

He got in the driver’s seat, buckling up and turning the key in the ignition. His hands were so much bigger in real life than they had been in all of the YouTube videos I’d watched of Enhypen. I had only listened to a few of their songs before, and when I found out I was accepted to date them, I decided to try and learn as much as possible - which meant bingeing YouTube videos, reading articles, and listening to their music enough that Spotify would probably show them as my #1 artist by the time Spotify Wrapped rolled around. 

“Your address?” Heeseung held his phone out to me, with maps pulled up. I typed in the address to my studio apartment, suddenly self-conscious of my living space. Was he just dropping me off for today? Was he going to come inside and hang out for a while? Would he laugh at my small living space, and my poor income?

Once he began driving, I twiddled my thumbs, taking a few deep breaths before forming my sentences. “Heeseung, I want to say something. Before you have any assumptions about me.”

I noticed him raise an eyebrow, and flick his eyes toward me while he continued to watch the road ahead. “What’s that?”

I took another breath and looked out the window at the passing buildings. Each one held different people, with different lives. Different stories. And some of them might be Enhypen fans who were about to learn who I was.

“I’m not some crazy fan who signed up for this. And I’m not going to treat you like royalty, or like you are a god.” I turned to evaluate his reaction, but his face was still. “I honestly didn’t listen to your band all that much, and I applied for the, um... experiment, because I was bored with my life and it was fun to imagine what would happen if I had a change.” 

He turned onto my street, pulling up towards my apartment building, staying silent. A few drops of rain hit the windshield. 

“I just wanted you to know you don’t have to be nervous. I see you as just another human being.” I put my hand on his shoulder, hoping he wouldn’t be offended.

He put the car in park and took the key out of the ignition. “They didn’t tell you?” He smirked, opening his door and swinging a leg out. “That’s why they chose you.”

He slammed the door and came around to my side, opening it for me. “Hurry, Y/N. It’s starting to rain.” 

“So I guess we’re hanging at my place, then?” 

~

Heeseung insisted my apartment was cute, and that he’d love to live in a small place like it, which I doubted. He also insisted that we have the frozen Eggo waffles in my freezer for dinner. So far, I was liking his style. My worries that he’d be too cool or fancy for me dwindled away slowly.

We sat on my floor in front of the TV and put on some old children’s cartoons, mostly as background noise. We agreed to get to know each other as much as possible in as little time as possible, to make our relationship seem more authentic. After all, this was work. He was continuing to work on his career, and I was being paid a bit of extra money along with other perks.

He tore off a chunk of waffle, dipped it in syrup, and popped it into his mouth. “Your turn.”

I smirked as I dipped my waffle in Nutella and put my finger on my chin, pretending to think hard. “I don’t know. We’ve already asked, like, everything important so far.” I tucked my hair behind my ear before reaching for my next bite. “Do you want to take a hot cocoa break?”

Heeseung’s eyes widened. “You have hot cocoa?” 

I laughed at his excitement and stood up to walk to the kitchen, grabbing two hot cocoa packets, two mugs, and a bag of mini marshmallows. “Please tell me you’re not one of those people who makes hot cocoa with water.” 

I turned around to find that he had joined me in the kitchen, and he was cringing. “That’s gross.” 

“Thank goodness.” I put a hand to my chest, over-exaggerating my relief. Any marshmallows for you?”

“I’d be insane to say no.” He took a few steps closer and peered over my shoulder as I stirred the cocoa mix into the now-warm milk. His proximity made my heart quicken, and I tried to hide it. But he must have known, because he snaked his arms around my waist and rested his chin on my shoulder. My body stiffened reflexively, but relaxed upon realizing how warm and comforting he was. Almost like the human embodiment of the hot cocoa itself - sweet, warm, and cozy. “Thank you for letting me hang here tonight. I realize we didn’t really talk about it beforehand. But you’re a good host.” He planted a kiss on my cheek, his lips lingering longer than a typical peck. 

He released me, and I turned around to hand him his mug. We both took the first sip together, and jumped at how it burnt our tongues. Then we were laughing at each other, and breathing became more difficult, and we had to set our mugs on the counter to keep from spilling them. 

He took the opportunity to wrap his arms around me again, this time facing me. My giggling fit hadn’t quite passed, so he smiled as he waited, and I buried my face in his chest, trying to get all of my laughter out. The smell of him on the hoodie brought me back to the present. He smelled strongly of the crisp November air, mixed with his own personal smell that I couldn’t place yet. Not a cologne or soap, but his own skin smell, the one that every person has their own version of. 

I looked up at him, and our foreheads touched. He brought a hand up to my cheek, stroking it with his thumb. “I was so nervous about this, Y/N. But if I’m being honest, I already feel like best friends.” He closed his eyes, his nose brushing against mine. 

I took a deep breath, a mixture of butterflies and dread settling in my stomach. “Are you saying this as part of the experiment?”

He opened his eyes and pulled away, just an inch. “It would make this whole experience easier and more efficient if we both learned to act early on.”

His words made my heart sink, and suddenly I didn’t want to be anywhere near him. While I never intended to be in this position at all, my actions led me here. And I was starting to get excited about the upcoming month with Heeseung. What he said about feeling as though we were best friends, it described how I felt before I even realized it. But he didn’t really feel that way. 

I pulled away, unsure of how I’d make it through this month. Or any of the other months, if any of the other guys did the same as what Heeseung had just done to me. Just then, I had felt a rollercoaster of emotions within a few minutes. How many more times could I bear to do that? “It seems like you already learned how to act.” I forced a chuckle.

“Y/N,” Heeseung whispered, grabbing the sleeve of my shirt. “Let me finish, please.” He slowly pulled me back into his embrace, face further than it was before so that he could really look at me. “It would make this whole thing easier and more efficient if we both learned to act,” he repeated. “But I wasn’t acting.”

The lightness in my stomach returned. I brushed my thumb against his cheek lightly, admiring his beauty in the light of the kitchen. I couldn’t afford to turn the heat on in my apartment this year, but I had never felt so warm in someone’s arms.

“We’re going to need to figure out some things, with the acting and all. But all I’m saying is, it seems like it’s going to be easier than we think.” He winked. 

“Can I kiss you, Hee?” I eyed his lips, testing the nickname. My hand moved from his cheek to his neck, just under his jaw, so that I could feel his heartbeat change. And as I hoped, it quickened. 

“You don’t have to ask me that. Ever again.” 

~

PART 2 || PLAYLIST (coming soon)

TAGLIST - @yenqa​ @hafsa-hoofsa-heefs​ 

~

thanks for reading! with love, sunghoons-mole <3

[underratedandoverit]

okay so. i dont remember when i wrote this, it has been a few months i think, but i found this from my drafts and i dont think ive ever published it in any form so... im just gonna share it now cause why not

its a part of a little kip & reader thing, just. observations i guess. an intriguing man in a box. like who wouldnt wonder about things

anyways yeah this isnt part of anything and i probably wont work more on it, its just here and it bothers me to have it saved so im just gonna post it lol

------

You had seen him do this maybe a thousand times. Mostly in passing, being one of the rare few of the men of the roster to sit down on the makeup chair and have his face taken care of. At first, like so many others, you had just laughed it off, thinking not much of it. Maybe he was preparing for a photo shoot, maybe this was done on a dare, maybe he was just messing around. Whatever it was, you knew he always stood up with beautifully done eyeliner and immaculate hair, and honestly the more times you saw it, the more intriguing it became to you.

Lately, you had noticed without really a valid explanation, every time you had seen this happening backstage, you had stopped and admired it from afar. How he always seemed so patient, listening the makeup artists explain to him how they were doing it so he might try to replicate the simple smokey eyes look himself in the future. Show him what they used, answering any questions, no matter how stupid, he seemed to have about makeup and applying it. The makeup artists trying to help him with the motions despite him having a different dominant hand than them.

It all seemed very wholesome, oddly so at times even, considering the man with varying levels of heavy eyeliner that always ended up standing up from that seat.

Especially on those times he was holding a cardboard box in his hands through the entire process.

You didn’t know exactly what his deal was. You had never asked in those passing brief moments you might have been able to talk to him, the thought never came up when you were around someone else that might have known a thing or two that could answer any of your questions.

The times you saw him were always either him sitting in the chair getting his eyeliner done, or standing in the crowd wearing a box on his head and a fancy suit on. All of this without any explanation, baffling you enough to never ask about it.

But it was intriguing, you had to give him that. No matter what, intentional or not, he had caught your attention with all of this. It was almost creepy how that had happened, when you could have sworn something like this never hit you so hard, but there you were. Week after week finding more questions in your head than the week before, just looking at him, watching, waiting.

Always just waiting.

Watching him stand up in the front row. Slow clap. Sit down. Repeat. Until the shows over.

Without any more answers than before. Week after week.

And yet, you were unable to ask any questions. He disappeared from your mind as fast as he had appeared there upon you seeing him, honestly at this point making you question if any of this was even real, until you saw him sit backstage in the makeup chair once again the following week.

Rinse and repeat.

[maddsmallow]

tagged by @thirium-800 !!! fuckin love doing these things lmao let’s goooo

Rules: Tag 10 (or less) people you want to get to know better

relationship status: married for 3 years! will be 4 in september, and we’ll have been friends for 11 years in october ❤️

favorite color: i’m honestly not sure i have a favorite color. it was indigo for a really long time, like during my entire teenage years, but when i moved to be with my husband, i went from trad-goth to more cottagecore?? really weird lmao, so these days i REALLY love, like, muted browns and greens. it’s pretty funny how much it contrasts with the music i listen to, i’ll be in a soft blue sundress with a petticoat and pastel moomin clips in my hair, and then have fuckin like, type 0 neg playing or some shit idk lmao. ANYWAYS to answer the damn question. maybe brown. maybe green. i like those. earthy tones. good stuff

song stuck in my head: ‘runaway’ by aurora. i knew it was popular on tiktok for a while (at least during the short time i used it) but i never heard anything past the little sound clip that was used over and over again, but literally last night i was like, i should hear the whole thing. and holy fuck, the chords n shit that start like halfway thru the song?? goosebumps, its SO GOOD

three favorite foods: [my type 1 diabetes screaming in the background] CHOCOLATE. and then i guess maybe cereal? real healthy stuff i know. and then i guess anything chicken-and-rice related. big slut for rice these days

last song I listened to: besides the one i just talked about above, i think it was ‘i love you’ by woodkid. i got over my stupid fuckin superiority complex about only listening to 60s/70s/80s that i had as a teen a few years ago and i’ve been trying to catch up with more 90s/00s and especially 10s and now 20s music since then, so i really dont know anything about that artist because im still really not like, “in the loop,” but i do really like that song. idek how i found it, probably randomly payed on spotify or something lmao

dream trip: no idea tbh. pretty much just anywhere with my husband [audience boos me off the stage for being sappy] no but real talk, maybe germany? i wanted to go there when i was in elementary school but i cant even remember why. i have a friend here who’s from germany and is moving back in a few months, which makes visiting a lil easier, so that’s cool. i guess japan and china and maybe thailand would be cool to experience. maybe this is really stupid but a video game i liked as a kid made me really interested in like, tibetan monasteries?? so i think it’s be dope to see something like that, assuming it’s, y’know, a respectful thing to visit. i’ve never actually looked into it cuz i just always assumed i’d never have the money to travel :P

last thing(s) i googled: a picture of a poster frame i wanted my husband to get for me haha

tagging: this is always the hardest part im such an open fuckin book when people ask me shit, but reaching out to other people?? im so shy uhHHHH just ignore this if you dont wanna do it, dont feel obligated!! @versailles-dove @the0ldmann @marieantonanton @walkingencyclopediaofweirdmayo @styx1an @felinaszsz @pure-plums @partyinthemysterymachine @starlitflowers-secretgarden @silverloreley TEN WHOLE PEOPLE WHEW

okay byeeee i love uuuuu

[sangre]

OOP IM SAUR SORRY tags did not load for me with my prev ask - 47, 51, 59 for satine, the loveliest rose satine 🥺🌹🎭

sixty-nine more questions for your ttrpg characters! / ask.

weuben!!!!!! (picks you up and spins you) TY TY!!!

47. what could they talk about for hours on end?

presentation! the presentation of something, especially wrt creative projects. the way an artist painted something, the way a musician composed something, the way a stage director asked for things to be done, like... because of his theater background both in the last life and in this one, he is really obsessed with the deliberate composition of things. not necessarily the way something looks per se, but just like. the way someone decided to put something together and show someone else, it's like casting your soul into light.

so like, especially with artists, satine can listen to (and talk about) why he chose to do something for a long time. reasoning, justification, meaning, you know? but this applies to things that aren't art-related too... like, talking about gender! he could probably talk about the fun about gender and what it means to him and how he presents, too. theater!!!! the self! presentation. what we present to the world and what it means to show something that we want to be seen (or better yet, recognized).

51. what element of their backstory are you proudest of?

AHH maybe the doppelganger element... it's been a couple years now that i've wanted to play the second version of someone, whether someone who died or someone who was artificially made (to be in the shape of someone). in 2015 i wrote smth with a friend that was like "guy comes back from the dead and feels like something other than himself, wants so badly to be seen as himself still, knows and is continuously traumatized by the fact that he both is and isn't"

and that's a narrative i've been exploring in characters for a while now, from a ton of different angles. but i don't think i've had a character who actively is the second-following incarnation of someone yet, so i'm excited to have finally followed through on the desire to play someone like that! especially since satine doesn't really have a complex of "please see me as the self i was" and is rather earnestly like, "i am in some ways that person, truly, but please see me as someone with my own life to live" and stuff.

it's a lot of like, navigating the urge to let go of people pleasing in/of making sure she doesn't drive herself crazy trying to perfectly be what everybody wants from her - letting go of trying to be a self that people knew, too, so it's an arc i really love and find personal for many reasons and i'm proud of its execution so far!!! so happy to be playing it in out a longform campaign.

59. what’s an element of their philosophy that you disagree with?

ohhh! well let's see. satine is .. really forgiving. and i don't think i would agree with some of the things she can forgive with enough context. this is super thought-provoking because satine has a gentler perspective of the world than i do, he's more like... lenient about rolling with the punches. i'm more indignant

i guess the obvious answer is "satine can forgive pretty lightly depending on the person, he could even forgive murder if it was explained well enough emotionally" and you look at me and the characters i like and we both laugh but you know, in real life, in practice. G:LSJDKGLSDKSDG:L maybe it's just that satine doesn't hold grudges when people hurt him but i do.

satine also probably doesn't see the point of revenge for any reason and holds no pettiness. there is like negative twelve pettiness in satine's body, he doesn't see the sense in revenge at all. i, revenge arc enjoyer, do. i definitely think it's fun to have a really forgiving character who is learning what is more forgivable, and forming stronger opinions about what to forgive and what not to the longer he lives in the real world. mind you, satine has only been conscious in this life for 3ish years. ;LGJKSHLDGL;F Oh she's got planny of time.

[ihidemydemons20]

Okay so I’m just gonna start this by saying I rarely get to talk about BTS music in an analytical way in real life since I don’t have any ARMY or kpop friends irl so I really need to get this off my chest. But this, in no way, is hate towards any artist. I think most of us can agree kpop artists are all talented in varying ways and it’s okay if a certain sound or style isn’t your thing as long as you’re respectful about it. That being said, here we go:

Firstly I’ll start by saying Vibe is not my kind of music, I knew it wasn’t going to be when I heard the teaser and I suspected it wasn’t going to be when I knew Taeyang was going to be on it. ABSOLUTELY NO HATE to Taeyang but his style of music is just not my preferred thing and unfortunately I believe he suffers from something all YG artists suffer from, there is no growth in the music, their first release and their latest release could easily be from the same album and you wouldn’t bat and eye. Like this is a man who is married with a child and they’ve got him singing about vibes when I’m sure he’d have actually genuine deep songs to write about his child or sexy cute songs about his wife but instead they’ve given him a generic tagline of having ‘vibes’ with someone! It’s classic YG and it’s classic Teddy.

Second, Jimin did phenomenally on this song! This is not just my BTS bias talking here, truly, the difference between them when singing is astounding. And once again I will say no hate and that Taeyang has a very nice voice but the effortless way Jimin rides the music with his voice, changing tone and inflection to bring life to every line is graceful and a true show of musicality and just plain passion and talent. A fact that Taeyang himself noted when talking about working with Jimin.

From the smooth way Jimin sings the chorus, compared to Taeyang it is obvious YG does not encourage their artists to take risks or make changes when it comes to music and the result is the same every time, a similar song (usually written by Teddy) sung in the exact same way every time. Now I’m not saying this is a bad thing, making a hit and sticking with it is a choice and a valid one and if you enjoy the music being made good for you, but overall the music coming from YG and The Black Label is just such a down ground in comparison to the music that comes from the BTS members.

Thirdly, I do not know which parts of the lyrics and or composition Jimin helped with but if I had to guess, I’d say he composed and wrote the bridge, and maybe composed the chorus and wrote at least partially his verse. Obviously this is just a guess but we know Jimin does bridges amazingly well and the lyrics in that part about the moon scream Jimin, also some of the references like to Nam San seem like him but then the Matrix part feels like a Teddy reference since he usually likes to reference pop culture, but once again just a guess.

And Finally, I am truly impressed with the way Jimin tried new vocal tones and inflections for this song and it is making me incredibly eager (more than I already was!) for his solo work that will be coming soon because I’m curious about the direction he’ll go in, but for now to wrap this all up, I’ll say this. Vibe is a good, if not expected YG track but it was elevated and, in my opinion, saved by Jimin. Every line he sang, every time his style and voice came to the forefront it was clear who was driving this song and it was once again made clear the difference between the KPop humdrum and the choices BTS makes when it comes to music.

Congratulations to Taeyang and Jimin, Im sure Vibe will do very well on the charts and I hope they both enjoyed the process and experience.

I will continue to support all of the members together and apart no matter what and cannot wait to see what else they have planned for 2023!

Borahae 💜

[sleep-onnet]

Connections

You've always been a connector

A connector?

Holding entire worlds together with a common kindness

And lacking meaningful knowledge of any

Your compassion seeking no commiseration

Just an anxious people pleaser

A complex connector, coupling confidence and cowardice

I'm good at pretending

A courageous connector, content with constant collision and a lack of continuity

Did I have much of a choice?

I admire you, it's very impressive

If only you saw behind the curtain

Hey... shut the fuck up

What?

Shut the fuck up

What, me??

Yeah you, shut the fuck up. Not helping.

I'm just balancing out your naive optimism with some healthy skepticism

Healthy? You think this is healthy??

Yeah?

All you do is criticize and cast doubt. If you think this is "healthy skepticism" then you should probably be skeptical of your grasp on the English language

...You gonna say something??

Ah, finally, some fucking silence in here.

Gotta say, it's really nice up here without you.

...I was just trying to help

By causing me to overthink every single fucking decision I make in my life? Wow thanks a ton, very fucking helpful.

Hey, not cool.

Shut the fuck up

Not. Cool.

Shut the fuck up, not listening to you

You don't have to be THAT harsh

After all you've done to me?? You have some guts to say that. Now shut up and fuck off.

So you know how it feels, and yet you insist on doing it back?

Shut the fuck up.

You know what? Fuck you.

This pretentious "poem" was supposed to end a couple lines ago, with my line.

We could've just ended it up there and left it up to the reader, if you have any that is. We could've just moved on and we could've kept writing more mediocre "poetry" that's really just you complaining, with your line breaks and occasional rhymes because that's what you think poetry is. And then it just gets buried in the noise of the internet, and no one gets hurt, and you get your satisfaction of being an artist or whatever

Hey. Shut the fuck up. You're doing it again

You know I have a point.

You're not helping. This is why I-

And instead you decided to ruin everything by doing this meta self-aware thing that's been SO fucking overdone.

I mean seriously. Splintering off your inner critic and having a confrontational conversation with it as a metaphor for dealing with self doubt? How fucking original man. Let me guess, you were gonna have them fight, and then after a bit they discover they have a commonality about "wanting to help" and then have them reconcile in the end circling back to the "connector" thing you were writing about in the start? And then your inner critic learns a lesson and never says anything again and you live happily ever after? Do they hug it out at the end too? I mean I knew you were naive but jeez man, that's so painfully unrealistic, it's laughable. That's not how the real world works. That's not how you and I work. You know that, but you're not ready to face it yet. So you dumb it down into a cute little contained story and put a bow on it so you can actually understand it

Hey shu-

IM NOT FINISHED

I mean you don't even have an internal monologue, all of this is for dramatic effect, all a performance at the end of the day. Who do you think is gonna clap for you? And you don't even get paid for it, what a waste of your time. If you were a truly good person you'd spend this time volunteering, or working, so you can donate your money to charity. But instead you choose to do this.

Aaaand right about now you're probably patting yourself on the back now because of how profound you think this is. And now you're imagining the praise you could get by putting this ramble into the world, that praise you crave so badly. And by making it so self-aware and self-critical so you can brag about how it's postmodern or whatever when you and I both know it's just a cheap way to shield yourself from any criticism. Because if you criticize yourself first, then no one can hurt you because you "already knew that" Right?? Right?? Am I wrong???

Hey, people need hobbies and rest, man. I need hobbies and rest. Your logic doesn't make sense. So the most virtuous thing to do would be to overwork myself into dust and donate all my wages and die young?

And the second part?? What's your rebuttal??? Please tell us all so we at least learn something from reading this long, cynical, depressing thing, when we could've been going outside, or watching a funny video, or reading things we actually enjoyed, something actually valuable. And, this is assuming people are still reading at this point, ha.

I...don't know.

I don't have an answer for you right now.

And honestly, I don't think I'll ever have one that will satisfy you.

And I think that's okay. I don't think I need one.

I enjoy writing, so even if no one reads it, it'll have made me happier. And that's enough. I don't need to meet your expectations, I don't need to impress anyone, I don't need anyone's praise, even if I would enjoy it, even if I crave it.

And as I was writing and rereading this, I've discovered some things about myself, so I'm proud of myself for that.

And you're right, it's a lot more complex than a neat and concise story of learning a lesson, and we probably can't reconcile through a single conversation and live happily ever after. If it was that easy then people wouldn't struggle with this so much.

But I'm willing to try with you, and I know you're willing to try with me. And this metaphor kind of falls apart here but that's okay.

And I think I was a little harsh on you earlier, I'm sorry. I'll let you have your space, and let you talk. Because you're as much a part of me as I am. I apologize for trying to entirely silence you.

...Fine.

I can't guarantee that I'll listen to your advice, (at all, or ever to be very honest, you're not the most charming person to channel) but trying to suppress anything you say isn't realistic, and it's tiring for me to do too.

I'm glad.

And I do appreciate you keeping me in check sometimes, because I can and do get ahead of myself a bit sometimes. So thank you for that.

...

I guess I'll just have to live with you, and you'll have to live with me.

And you know what? It could be worse.

...

Now, I don't have a nice way to tie this all together here in the end, and I do feel a bit cornered by myself. Because if I were to circle back to the "connector" thing here then it'd be kind of cliché wouldn't it?

Yeah, it would be.

[r0ttensunf]

ive heard closer when i was 10 years old, i wanted to sing it with my best friends in a school talent show... that was the first time that ive decided to take a "professional" take on an art project. some time later ive listened to eastside and that song caried me through 2018 wich was one of the most traumatic years of my life, i was fouding out about my bisexuality in a toxic household and toxic classroom in school had no one there for me but then i found out about you for real. Ive listened to strangers cause i knew lauren jauregui but something about you were diferent. I saw some videos about you instantly feel for your beauty (like a 12 yearold who just undertood she liked girls would) and as time passed your music stuck with me more and more. in 2019 i created fan accounts to post edits fanarts all of that for you i developed so much of my editting and desing and ilustration skills consuming your music. In the pandemic your album Manic changed everything for me. i was in my most depressive fase, stuck in my home with a mother who didnt knew how to deal with her daughters feelings and a dad who seam to not care. my mom would scream at me for crying to loud and for not beeing able to get out of bed to shower but hearing your music made me wipe my tears and smile. ive always had a troubled relationship with the idea of motherhood, i kinda still do, but when you annouced that you were pregnant it was the start of a change of vision for me making me see how trully beautiful beeing a mother can be. then iichliwp came out and what a piece of masterpiece that album is. within your whole discography every word you say seems to echo inside my chest following each beat. your lyrics been nailed in my bones since that first time i heard your voice in closer when i was 10. eventho i became a fan in 2018, those almost 6 years having you as a part of my life were lifechangimg. after my parents divorced i became closer to my dad because he would ask to listen to your songs with me in the car, last year he took me to your concert in sao paulo. Because of you im able now to see that motherhood doesnt have to be exaustimg and clonficted. because of you ive learned to not listen to shit about my gender, my sexuality and mostly about how i decide i want to be. Now, youre back realeasing the most vulnerable songs in your career and all i wanted more then ever was to give you the tightest hug. ive went to sleep hugging my pillow so many times wishing one day id be able to feel your arms around me to comfort me. But eventho my life is a mess now with the transition from adolence and adulthood with me becoming 18 this year, right now all i wanted was to give you a hug so i could confort you. i know i dont know you, but thats one of the prettiest parts, how youre able to make me the happiest girl in the world without even trading words with me. how youre able to get this part of me that no one else in the world can. ive liked other artists before, but as ive been growing up none of them stayed as strong as you do. when the end came out i skip school cause i couldnt stop crying. i was so scared of losing you. i cried the whole day and guess what? my dad was the first person to confort me, the same that who seemed to not care before you. im still so scared of losing you. Not just for me, but you have such a beautiful son, friends who love you and other fans who also care so deeply for you. ive cryied not only cause youre halsey, but also just as a person who has been through such a dificult battle all those years. we still know so little, but i cant express to you enough how deeply i care about you. im sorry if there were people who made you not belive in those words anymore, but for me i can asure you ill be here for your music, your art, your truth. youre so strong please know that there are milions of people out there who are proud of you. i cant even imagine how hard it must be not only to deal with health issues like this but also now publically. gosh i just wished i could do something.

My own fans are hands down meaner to me than any other people on the planet. Not speaking for all of you, of course. But it used to be just a minority that were awful to me and now it seems like a majority have only stuck around to chime in occasionally with their opinion of how much they hate me or how awful I am. it’s hard to want to engage in a space that is completely devoid of any kindness, sympathy, patience; or to be honest human decency. Especially after years of hiding from the interactions for fear that this EXACT thing would happen. I don’t know man. I almost lost my life. I am not gonna do anything that doesn’t make me happy anymore. I can’t spiritually afford it.

When I got sick all I could think about was getting better so I could come back and be a part of THIS again, but I don’t even know what *this* is anymore and I want to crawl in a hole and I regret coming back.