#i guess i'm not SO out of practice on tumblr i'm still writing half the post in the tags

[justwanderingmuses]

You can truly tell that I'm rusty at tumblr in general, not even simply written rp, due to the fact that I queued things and did not think a moment about them until realising I had not, in fact, fixed the post schedule and so it all posted yesterday. lmao. Oops.

[angelnix]

go-go dancer · coriolanus snow

i'm your go-go dancer, midnight answer, jukebox sweetheart, queen of the night, vegas baby, if you pay me.

; youngpresident!coryo , gogodancer/stripper!reader, a tad bit suggestive, mentions of alcohol.

w/c: 1.2k

a/n - hi omg ! this is my first-ever fic/drabble thingy on tumblr (have mercy on me), so there may be grammatical errors + a bit new to writing. i dont have a set plan for this exactly .. but enjoy ♡

p.s, critique is wanted n welcomed !! (just make sure its polite please) likes & reblogs very appreciated!

He was tired.

Tired of presidency, dealing with the districts, finding partnerships for the betterment of the Games. He's sick of it. Sick of it all.

It was a late night when something in him—something different, desperate even,—led Snow to a club. It wasn't all surprising for him to be at a bar late at night, but that was for meetings and deals. This time was different.

Snow wasn't the type to go to trashy clubs, to party with half-naked women, get hazily drunk.

But he was tired, exhausted even. He needed something to cool him off, just for a little while. Some fun.

𓈒⠀𓂃⠀⠀˖⠀𓇬⠀˖⠀⠀𓂃⠀𓈒⠀𓂃⠀⠀˖⠀𓇬⠀˖⠀⠀𓂃⠀𓈒

Opening the mahogany doors, a mix of alcoholic scents and heavy perfume washes over him.

The blonde walks over to a private booth, with his gaurds and velvet ropes surrounding the area. Taking his long coat off, exposing his white button-up. Raising his hand, he orders rum.

A waitress walks over, taking note of his order and vanishing. Shes pretty, yeah, but she isn't that eye-catching. What ultimately catches his eyes is one of the dancers, her long hair and perfectly sculpted body completely encapsulates his attention.

His eyes wander all over her body, the way her hair perfectly falls over her shoulders, her pretty arms, the way she danced. He's watering over her image when the lady from earlier hands his glass of rum.

"Your order, Sir." She gives him a flirtatious smile. Snow thanks her, although his gaze still fixated on the dancer.

He's practically eating her out with his eyes.

The waitress clears her throat, feeling the awkwardness of the situation, she can practically feel the tension of his gaze, and walks away, toward the dancer, tapping her exposed thigh and whispering something to her ear.

The noirette slows down her moves, gazing back at Snow. A slight smile creeps up her face, getting off the platform and pole, she walks over.

'Boy's desperate, hm?' You think to yourself. God, what an ego boost. You couldn't lie, Mr. President was definitely attractive. His veiny hands, his platinum blonde locks, the way the outline of his biceps peak through his white button-up shirt.

Your attraction spikes up even more when you reach his booth, he ever-so-slightly huffs when he sees her approach. Your body, your scent, he's desperate for your touch, and he doesn't even know your name.

One of Snow's bodygaurds gives him a glance, asking for confirmation if you could come in. Snow of course, nods immediately, letting the desperation leak through his actions.

You study his expression, his eyes are fixated on you; desperately wanting to touch, to feel you. Sitting down beside him, he adjusts his position, shifting his body to face you.

"Hi." The blonde blurts, it's not like him to feel shy, but the tension in between the two feels suffocating. "Your name?"

You flutter your lashes, why couldn't you answer? The fact that he is the president plays into the loss of your confidence, but that's not it. Was it the fact he towers over you, even when sitting down? His energy? Looks? The newfound confidence was immediately gone, the power now passing over to Snow as he realizes that you're not quite confident as he thought you were.

"Lux, Sir." You speak up, your eyes meeting his. He raises an eyebrow, doubting, 'Typical go-go dancer name, I guess.' Snow thinks to himself, he says "Is it really?", The man chuckles.

"No," replying, you move closer to him, "but it's something could find out later on maybe?". Trying to regain your confidence, you position yourself, legs slanted, exposing your heels. You place a hand on his thigh, and with your free hand, you trace the buttons of his shirt.

This sends a tingle down his spine. His attraction towards you was skyrocketing. Never once in his life has he felt like this.

"Nice shirt." You hum, taking off your hand on his thigh, you unbutton the first button, letting a bit of his chest peak through. "Better, no?" the girl gives him a grin, her lips oh so plump and pretty.

The tension between the two is still there. No words spoken, until she asks him for a sip of his drink, he agrees, handing her the glass. The taste of liquor warms her throat, her face immediately reddening. "Tolerance ain't high, huh?" he's amused at the fact. "Ironic, isn't it. I'm a go-go dancer with a weak tolerance for alcohol, the only thing they serve here."

It's funny. With all the years of her being here, you've never gotten properly drunk. Tipsy, maybe. But drunk? Never.

"I can change that." Snow says, raising his hand to order once more. He orders her a martini, something cute for the pretty lady.

A few sips in and you're alread tipsy, your words come out more loosely than intended.

"You know, Mr. President? I really can't lie, your're quite attractive. I like your hair. Is it natural?" You run a hand through his hair, as if it was just another one of your girlfriends.

Surprised, Snow doesn't resist. He finds it quite relaxing, actually.

Your hands move from his hair to his neck, near his shoulder, feeling him up and down, until your hand moves down to his chest.

He smiles, her touchㅡ so warm, feels innocent even. He's delighted with her, but he isn't satisfied. Not yet. He takes her hand, gently giving it a kiss.

"You're a pretty lady. Has anyone told you that?" The man asks, already knowing the answer. "Well, I think you can guess. I am half-naked 12 hours a shift after all." You chuckle, the alcohol is most definitely getting to you.

"Twirl for me, will you?" Snow asks, as if on command, you stand up immediately, giving him a twirl.

The frills on your extra miniskirt glisten in the dark lights, with the satin shining so prettily. Your bra-like top with a ribbon in the center catches his eye.

You finish giving him the twirl, a bit dizzy as the alcohol makes your senses numb a little.

"You like?" Raising your eyebrow, you give him a little grin. "Mhm. I do, pretty girl."

Your heart beats a little faster, and you feel your cheeks burn up a bit. Confusing.

'Is it the alcohol, or am I attracted to this man?'

He spreads his long legs just a bit, patting his thigh, he signals for you to sit. And you do, facing him. You cup his face with your hands unsure why. The man doesn't complain so you go along your way.

You converse, asking him what brings him here, "It's hard running a country, is all I can say," He answers.

You both don't kiss, or do anything else for the night. Though you both know you want to go further, unspokenly, none of you make a move. Instead of lust, (though lust may be for later on,) Snow finds you so captivating, like something so fresh it relieves him from all his stresses.

Attraction takes over and your hot breath approaches his cheek, giving it a quick kiss, then to his neck, the kisses turning sloppy. You can tell he loves it, but he sighs, not wanting to go further, unlike earlier, he stops you. "Not yet, pretty." The man says, pulling away. You pout, longing to go further, "Next time." he assures, giving your back a nice rub.

"Ah.. So there'll be a next time?" you reply in a cheeky tone,

"Yes, pretty girl. There most certainly will be."

And just like that, you gain a regular.

𓈒⠀𓂃⠀⠀˖⠀𓇬⠀˖⠀⠀𓂃⠀𓈒⠀𓂃⠀⠀˖⠀𓇬⠀˖⠀⠀𓂃⠀𓈒

[ghostsandmirrors]

Questions for the mun - all Basics please? Don't hate me lol

Questions for the mun.

pfft, I could never. I am going to miss one question because someone else sent it, too.

(under read more because that's 12 questions)

When did you first start writing? 2008. I was on Mibba (writing site) and someone's journal post was an advert for a Proboards Potter forum.

In what language did you start writing? English. It was only like 2019 that I started trying to learn another language och jag är så dålig på talar svenska x.x (and I'm so bad at talking Swedish)

If your mother tongue is not the language you write now, what caused you to switch languages? N/A - one day I'll get good enough at Swedish to RP in it but that ain't today.

What was the first muse that you’ve written? Her name was Judy Lewis on that Proboards site in 2008. I also wrote her twin brother (Jesse Lewis). She was a Slytherin half-blood, he was a Hufflepuff half-blood.

I once answered an ask about her on the Bringer's blog so here's the link.

Do you still write your first muse? Nope. I consider remaking her sometimes--especially when memes ask about first muses--but I think she belongs in 2008 and in the fanfic I was writing at the time.

What is the muse that you write for the longest? This is answered here. The answer is Bam (first made 2009 on a Potter site I made); 2009 Gerard Way had that vibe and then they dyed their hair red and Danger Days came out and I was like 👀👀👀

Also because of Bam, and me being so specific when it came to making graphics (avatars and signatures), I can tell you which year a Gerard Way picture came from between the years of 2003 and 2013 based entirely on their hair.

I used to think I was neurotypical btw. Teenage me making a Notepad document of Gerard Way GIFs organised by hair style and year ('long black, 2005') like, 'yeah, this is a normal level of interest in a subject.' It is not, but it is a fun fact I get to whip out now.

In what style did you start to write (First person, third person, *-style or novel-style?) I have always written in third person, past tense, I guess novel-style? Used to do a lot of one-liners but--and I actually mentioned this to someone the other day--I ended up on a lot of sites with minimum word counts (usually only like 100 words, which sounds like a lot but is surprisingly small).

My longest post pre-Tumblr was like 2k words because me and a thread partner were just seeing how long we could make our posts in that specific thread. We also tried to go back to one-liners only for a thread (for fun) and we were struggling.

What caused you to start writing? What was your key point? General writing was probably this one book series about a man who lived with a family that made clay dragon statues and the dragon statues came to life. I looked it up; The Last Dragon Chronicles. I did not read all of them.

RP specifically was the site advert coming when I had like just started writing a Potter fanfic of Goblet of Fire from the point of view of Random OC (Judy Lewis, who was a Gryffindor in the fic).

Do you regret starting writing? No. It taught me how to spell, for starters. I was dogshit at spelling and grammar back in the day and I've gotten so much better just through practice and actually learning what things are used for. Also like... you get the best reactions. Even if I ever managed to quit RP--which I don't think I will--I would never be able to fully stop writing because of those reactions. One way or another, I will inflict fictional suffering on people.

As a kid, I wanted to be an author. Making characters and worlds is way too fun.

Is there anything you would have changed when you started writing now that you have more experience? RP specific; no. Writing in general; I'd have started writing proper English from the beginning and not spent years deciding that full stops are only used for the end of a paragraph, actually.

Also some of the older characters don't have their apps saved at all and I'm still mad about it. I struggled making Arnulf because his old app and all his old information is gone. I'm gonna die mad at past me about like 17 different things and it's fine because they deserve it.

How do you describe writing / rp to others? Generally I don't, but if I had to, I would describe it as 'y'know writing a story? It's like that but you only control one character.' It's not accurate--NPCs exist--but like it's the closest I can get considering I'm genuinely trash at describing anything lmao

On what platform did you start to write? Accidentally answered this in the first answer. Oops. Proboards. I actually refused to go to other forum sites for the longest time because I didn't understand the coding for posts. On Proboards it was like [b]bold[/b], on InvisionFree it was <b>bold</b>, I think Jcink was [b]bold[/b]?

I did eventually also go on InvisionFree (one site, a Buffy/The Vampire Diaries crossover site) and Jcink (multiple sites, mostly Marvel/DC crossover sites, a couple of panfandom sites, a town site?, and at least one Potter site). Jcink might be my favourite of the three.

There was also 'Boards' which was to Proboards what Jcink was to InvisionFree (Jcink sites have 'powered by InvisionFree' at the bottom, Boards sites had 'powered by Proboards').

[crazylittlejester]

Got slammed into a fatigue wall so I'm lying in bed and thinking again. :>

I spent a few hours yesterday translating a Skyward Sword fic from English (American) to Portuguese (Brazilian) and I think it turned out okay. (It's probably also half the reason I'm so drained right now but I'm ignoring that.) I swear I have a point I'm trying to make, but it's going to take a few roundabouts to get there.

I've been doing Fic Rec Friday, and I think people like it. I like it, anyway. I've got way too many bookmarks and people keep writing new things, and I think it's fun to look through what I've read during the past month or so and pick something to showcase for the week. I've got a format figured out after a little bit of trial and error and I'm happy with it.

Back to translating. I'm not very good at it because I'm still learning. I haven't taken composition class yet, which is a whole other side tangent, so I'll stop there. But the point is I'm wondering if maybe I should post the links to what I've translated here in a similar format to how I've been posting Fic Rec Friday. I highly doubt many people would read them since there's like... 5 LU fics in total if you put the French and Spanish translations together. And I'm also self-conscious because I'm practically glued to my ENG-POR dictionary at this point. But it's a thought.

Which sort of leads to my next thought being whether or not I should go back to posting the fics I've written here or not. I was posting the Whumptober fics during October but I stopped doing that once the event ended even though I'm still chugging through. I'm definitely doing something to celebrate getting to the end once I finish.

All that to say, I'm not 100% sure what I want to do. I know I want to organize things again (the brain demands it), I'm just not sure if people mind seeing my Ao3 posts of dubious quality. I have more confidence in other people than I do myself, I guess.

Either way, don't feel like you have to give me advice, I just wanted to get my thoughts out there on the topic in case someone else was thinking about the same things. You're always really kind and empathetic and willing to listen to literally anything, too.

PS: I am planning to work on an EAH & LU crossover AU thing once I get myself together.

Okay first of all it’s really cool that ur translating fics. That sounds like a lot of work, but it’s so cool and like damn, good for you dude that’s awesome

Second: I LOVE UR FIC REC FRIDAY, i think we as a fandom should recommend more fics, i love when people share stuff they like and ive found a lot of awesome stuff that way! Plus it’s always fun to talk to people about really good fics :)

If you do decide to post ur fics on here that’d be really cool, I dunno if you mean like whole fics or just ao3 links or a combo of both, but i think that’d be nice to see em. I love opening tumblr and seeing people share their writing, and even if i cant read it right then, i almost always save it to come back to later :)

I’ll always listen to anything people say, and while I may not be the greatest at giving advice, i’ll try my best!! and if anyone else has any thoughts on this im sure they’ll leave a comment of some sorts

(i look forward to the au whenever you get around to it!!)

[karlachismylife]

I'm absolutely obsessed with your writing dude and I'm really excited to see all those ideas you talked about, your writing is so detailed and accurate to character, I struggle to stay in character. Like learning how a character acts so I can make what I'm writing about believable lol, I'm not sure how to practice either, do you have any tips?

You comrades really decided to blow up my brain with positive validation today, I'm literally feeling like an overly excited pup who got all the treats and bellyrubs and praise. Or maybe it's all that chocolate I ate, not sure. In other words THANK YOU??? *cue me crying every time I see someone on tumblr complain about people making characters OOC cuz I think it's about me*

So, as you can see, I am most definitely not someone who's confident in my capabilities of staying in character. Also, I have never, NEVER studied writing in any shape or form - I enjoyed my literature classes a lot, sure, but there is zero grams of purposeful theory studying in my gorilla head and I'm pretty damn sure it shows. Everything I write is super intuitive, and I can count on one hand how many times I made conscious desicions to adopt something for my writing style or smth. And it still was just "oh hey I like that thingy, want that in my text", no theory behind it.

So here are some

Juju's Tips on How To Maybe Stay In Character (Based On Guesses And Prayers To Gorilla Totem)

Simplify. Before everyone starts rightfully throwing rotten tomatoes at me, lemme explain: of course you won't go far if you actually take a character and shrink him down to a single trait. This is actually a very dangerous advice if applied half-assed, because this is how we get Bucky Barnes and those fucking plums (I hope this wasn't a Russian-fandom thing only). While it is good for memes and fandom to take one such thing and exaggerate, it's hurtful to the overall character image in fandom and your writing. Characters, while not fully-fledged people, are still multidimensional!

Why would I give such a shitty tip then, you ask? Well because it's a tip for your start. Take your character and try to put him in a few main boxes. Is he an unapologetically Scottish ADHD puppy with a sprinkle of violent tendencies? Is she a ruthless Mexican mastermind with ambitions that are worth more than any loyalty or morals to her? Or maybe a kind-hearted slightly shy talented tiefling blacksmith with a huge nerdy streak? An awkward Liverpool drummer guy who gets teased for his big nose and constantly gets in some kind of trouble? I bet you recognized at least some of them. This is the wrapper of your character (along with their appearance), this is what will almost always signal people that it's this lil guy. If you can at least keep inside that broad border, then you're already doing not that bad. Some stories don't even require more! Especially if it's comedy: comedy will want you to push into these things (as well as some smaller traits you can exaggerate to an absurd size), use them to paint a caricature or maybe play off of them with something opposite. But then again, maybe don't ask how to write comedy a person who cackles from pee jokes.

Next step is: know your character factually. As in, research their backstory, read their wiki, try to get and memorize as much information from their mother media as possible. Information can come from miscellaneous sources too! For example, I still beat myself up about the fact that in one of my earlier posts about domestic fluffy headcanons on Karlach x Soap I managed to make TWO factual mistakes just because I didn't check out Neil's tiktok first. If I did, I would've never said that Soap prefers showers and tea to baths and coffee. Luckily, I fixed it quickly, but yeah, it does help to see maybe what the actor/director/writer/creator mentioned in interviews or something. Fan pages are good too, but they might get flooded with popular headcanons (Soap's ADHD as an example) or lean too hard into that simplified image from previous step.

THEN is one of my favourite parts: learn your character like an artist would. Note their little mannerisms (Price's little hip movement? Iconic. Price is honestly STUFFED with Nik's cock these little mannerisms, courtesy one bery talented and well-versed in his craft actor. this shit makes characters alive, immediately recognizable, easy to parody. Or - Karlach's nose wrinkle that I love so much. Or - Bradd Pitt's character constant snacking on fastfood in Ocean's Eleven.), their habits, their quirks. If it's a character without visual, from a book, it might be even easier cuz such things would be brought up at least several times by the author. Sorry for a self plug, but my head is too empty for any other thing, but one of my characters in a biopunk story was constantly scratching her head.

This leads up to a thing you can finally write yourself: change them. Not just willy-nilly of course, but once you gather these three supporting beams (simplified wrapper, trivia knowledge and personal mannerisms/quirks), you can change them purposefully. That constant head scratching? Actually used it to show that woman's transition from hostile environment where she was oppressed to somewhere she felt accepted (people were forcing her to stop it and it worsened the habit VS no one chastised her for it and it became tame and unharmful to her). If Price constantly shoulder slaps his found family, what would it mean if he doesn't? Karlach wrinkling her nose out of anger in battle VS because she's laughing her tail off with friends? More obvious would be of course putting the characters against something like their important biography things (anything from the LONG list of abuse and torture Ghost went through, Karlach's past in Zariel army, Nikolai's Soviet upbringing etc). This is how you use already ready to go information to make a character look organic in any situation you put them in, be it bubble bath fluff or sci-fi porn au with snail tentacle aliens or fandom crossover or the most glass-chewing angst ever. Take something recognizable in hat character and either double down on it or change it - depending on whether you wanna show that they're in their element or the opposite.

Another very important thing (some might say it's actually more important than previous) is to build up off what we know. Since there's only so much a piece of media and even the creator themselve can tell us about a character, we should be ready to guess. It's rare that we're given some direct and extensive motivation for any character deeds unless we're in their head constantly (like in Dostoyevskiy's "Crime and Punishment" f.e.), and the less we're given, the more blank space we should try to fill in. If we know character's biography, we should try and draw conclusions on how their past influenced them. Ghost's trauma is the brightest example. OR the ADHD headcanon on Soap: we're given his actions, explosiveness and impulsiveness, his mannerisms and more or less type, and from that we build up that headcanon. It's not stated anywhere, but this is one of possible reasons behind him being portrayed the way he is.

In other ways, use logic, common sense and honestly - personal experience, I think it's one of the easiest things to make characters to feel alive, and alive characters always read as more "staying in character" than maybe very factually correct, but lifeless depictions - that's my lifehack btw (might be controversial). Try to deduct what lies underneath those mannerisms, think what consquencess would have character's past, simply imagine what reactions to a situation you could deem possible - one of them will be suitable for the character, I promise.

And it's already very loosely tied into all this, but since I mentioned personal experience and general believability - go do people watching. Notice their mannerisms, habits, quirks, reactions, experiences. Watch how shit's portrayed in movies, if anything; this will also help you to learn how to convey something deeper through small details (using allegories, metaphors, colour language and all that impressive shit).

Okay that's a whole load of yapping (probably more than you needed), but that's not all! Cuz there's also practice! And the only way to practice any writing is to write. Lemme give you homework :)

Grab those prompt/reactions lists and write away. What's their reaction to seeing a fat ol' spider right there on the toilet seat when they go for a midnight piss? Favourite dessert? Fill out the NSFW alphabet for them (dunno about y'all, but I always end up with some deep psychological portrait instead of masturbating material with those).

A little more advanced excersise in my opinion: try to write down a certain number of headcanons with no given theme. The trick is, you would have to justify them more or less (no, it's not oblgatory for headcanons in general, you can just have them for fun, but for this excersise you should). I say - Soap is SHIT at buying groceries. Why? Because he's easily distracted by flashy wrappers and shit. Why? Because he has ADHD. Why? Because [yada yada all the things I see in him from my own ADHD experience]. Unravel that chain, it doesn't have to be two-step thing, see, here I have sseveral steps between what we have (some of his traits like fidgeting, impatience, impulsiveness etc) and the headcanon (he's shit at buying groceries).

A couple more miscellaneous tips cuz I remembered them too late to build into the whole structure I have here (you can't see it but it's there):

The way characters speak is important, and it's not just accents. How much does this character swear? Do they mix languages? Do they prefer long or short sentences? Do they have a rich vocabulary, do they use slang, do they stutter, take long pauses, switch themes every five seconds? This is one of the "quirks" you should look into a lot.

Their relationships with other characters, the way your character views others and the way others view them are important. It might tell you a lot about how the character behaves with different people and in different situations.

All the other means of characterisation, including even the environment we see them, also will help to understand, dissect and thus adopt the character.

Use music, mate! I struggle with assigning exact songs to characters, I'm more of a "one song - one text" gorilla, but a lot of people have no such problems and you might very much benefit from it. Maybe the actor that plays the character has a playlist somewhere available?

Empathy and acting. These are my actual main instruments, but I put them in the very end, because I have no idea how to explain them or how to practise them. But the ability to put yourself in someone's shoes is everything. I am zero logic 100% emotions in my art, I will feel shit first, try to justify it second. I bet there are actually analyzing and logical processes going on inside my head when I do this, but it happens without my awareness. I just think "what if their partner gets horrible withdrawal after climax?" and then I'm like "well shit Ghost would freeze, and Soap would panic like a puppy, and SoapGaz would use humor, and Price would take extremely patronizing role on, and..." and then I'm like yeah that tracks cuz yada yada, good job Juju.

And my final advice is: you don't have to always stay in character. AND you don't always have to justify going OOC. It's art, it's fun, it's for your own enjoyment. These characters aren't real people, they cannot and never will have full-fledged personalities, that's not how media works, at some point complexity of a character stops making them deep and interesting and makes them bland and overly complicated. If you really wanna write Soap screaming like a girl at the sight of a caterpillar, or make all four of thesse guys into wearing frilly lacy panties, or say that Karlach is addicted to eucalyptus gum, or- I really don't know what to say here cuz all these don't seem too out there for me... OH OH HERE; if you wanna make Ghost bang a punk anarchist (and I do), you can. No one's gonna arrest you for going OOC and I promise, there still will be people who enjoy it. Some people won't care you went out of character, some people won't think you did. Some people will yell at you regardless (I think. luckily, I haven't been yelled at once yet, and I am very very happy about it. but I still take general and vague fandom-yelling posts personally so yeah).

Have fun. Do art. Enjoy yourself. Put love into it. Put strong emotions into it. But mainly love.

I have never encountered a fanfic that would be so horribly OOC that I couldn't read it. But I have seen works with so little love in them that nothing felt genuine and authentic, no matter how accurate it seemed. So yeah, love is all you need ✌🏼❤️🦍

[thedinalixlegacy]

From OC asks: 1, 9, 10, 13 for a character of your choice (sorry, I'm not that much familiar with all of your OCs)?

That’s totally fine, no worries!😁 I’ve got a small list in my pinned post if you want to know them, tho since tumblr changed stuff the links to the tags are broken and I still need to fix those :/ Thank you so much for asking anyway tho, I really appreciate it!❤️ I will answer them for Olittsi

1. How does your OC feel about their full name? Despite her issues with her family and parents she is still proud of her full name: Koldo’litt’sicen. The Koldo family isn’t any extremely important family in the Chiss Ascendancy but its doing quite well, and as any other Chiss they hold their name with pride. Besides that, it is a very obviously link between her and her siblings so even if her last years in the Ascendancy were marred with bad experiences for the sake of family honour, she holds this bond with Omaras and Dofir very close to her heart. Her sister Dofir changed her name slightly when they left the Chiss (which I will talk more about in another ask). But Olittsi instead just felt like she finally had the opportunity to truly be herself, and so she didn’t see the need for that.

9. Do they have a word or phrase that they tend to overuse? “But…” Is something that you will hear her say very often. She doesn’t always fully get the ways of the Jedi, even though she tries her best, and they don’t always understand her ways and methods. Which leads to a lot of “I understand, but..” or, “I know what you said, but…” etcetera etcetera. “Sorry” is also something she says often, but it is more common that she tries to explain why she did things a certain way. Of course, this is not always appreciated by everyone, and it sometimes leads to discussions going round and round in circles. She finds it important to try and understand the other’s point tho, just as she finds it important to try and explain to them her reasons. And for that a lot of questions and an occasional “but” is needed. It will fade a bit over the years, as she learns that it is sometimes just better to accept what the other says. She still secretly thinks that for all their faults, at least the Chiss had more patience than the people in this part of space.

10. What is a weird quality that they have (ie their hands are always cold, they’re always hungry, they snort when they laugh, etc)? Olittsi does not like sitting down for a long time. It’s not necessarily that she grows restless when she does, and if it is required she is perfectly capable of doing so, but she feels more useful if she’s doing something active. She can be writing the most important report in the entire galaxy but she will feel like she has done nothing if that takes her half of the day. Doing small practical things like gardening or taking a walk is much better for her mood. An exception to this is hanging out with friends; Olittsi is totally fine with sitting in someone’s room an entire evening if it means talking and making jokes with people she loves.

13. Do they make strong/frequent eye contact when they talk to someone? That really depends on the situation. In discussions, when she is trying to convince someone or if she is really interested in a topic, she will make more frequent eye contact. When facing an enemy she tries to do so too, to appear intimidating. Whether or not that really works is anyone’s guess. Other than that tho... In more casual conversations she isn’t so good in making eye contact, it’s just not something she does naturally.

[imightbeabuddhist]

Salutations Tumblr.

Welcome to My Blog:

By Z.D. Burkitt

The question on your mind has to be, but who are you? Well, let me answer your question with a question. Did I forget the "by" line? No, I'm really asking. Anyway.

I'm Z.D. Burkit. Z for short. I've been a hobbyist writer for 25 years. Now, I'm a Copywriter. Can you tell? -covers my username with my hand- So, I figured I'd introduce myself. As I said, I've been writing for 25 years. However, I haven't published anything other than crappy fanfiction on fanfiction.net. Assuming that website still exists. Like a blacksmith at their* forge, I've learned much about writing, honing my craft(we'll get there.* <--pun). As the name suggests, I'll mostly be posting Copywriting Memes. Sometimes it'll just be the meme. Other times I might share why I like it and any insights I gleaned from it. I'll also post regular blogs and the occasional short story. Now it's time to address the elephant in the refrigerator.

Darn that Pesky Pachyderm:

I am Non-binary. No, I won't bring this up unless I need to. Nor do I care what pronouns you use. They, he, she, or neo-pronouns are all fine. I'll leave that up to you. I should also say I am Pansexual and engaged. As I get more comfortable, I'll give more details. One final thing, I have ADHD. Since this is my first post, I think I'll leave the housekeeping there. This seems like a good time to get the elephant out of my now-destroyed fridge. -sigh- 

Some more Things about Me:

I'm fascinated by fungi. I guess you can call me an amateur mycologist. Mushrooms, lichens, and all fungi are mesmerizing. I'm working on a story about super-powered teens living in 2100. The Golden Trio in my novel are LGBTQIA+ and Neurodiverse characters. River, the MC, is a Genderfluid Pansexual shapeshifter. One of their best friends is an AMAB non-binary gay person. The other is a cis-gendered bisexual guy. I promise River is not a self-insert. You'll come to know that as I add more to this blog. I am a big-ol' nerd. As evidenced by my near-comprehensive knowledge of the Camp Half-Blood Chronicles. Feel free to test me. I'm also well-versed in Destiny and Gear of War lore. Despite not owning any, I have a growing appreciation for excellent watches. They're just cool. Although I'm no car expert, that's what we call an understatement, kids; I do enjoy rewatching episodes of The Grand Tour. While we're on shows, I'm constantly binging Start Trek DS9. It's my comfort show. I aspire to one day get a Private Pilot's license. And yet, I've never flown. I've never even seen the inside of a plane that was about to take off—just a few at an aviation museum. While we're on the topic, one of my favorite podcasts is Black Box Down; it's all about aviation disasters. Listen to it if you're afraid to fly like I was. You'll realize just how rare these things are. Not only that, but the steps taken to prevent them from happening again. Not a spon. I have no sponsorships. I'm an anime fan, shocking, I know. And I'm clearly a fan of italics. And, like David Tannat's Doctor, I can ramble when I get going, can't I? Here are a couple of rapid-fire facts about me.

I practice lockpicking as a hobby - Scrolling through TikTok, I came across a guy called McNallyOffical, who made it look like a lot of fun. So, I bought a cheap lockpicking kit of off; I'll call it the Everything Store and a cheap (read Master Lock) lock. As soon as it arrived, I stared with the clear practice lock, and once I stopped pretending I was in Skyrim, I got it on my second try. Now that little clink sound of the shackle popping is just uggh. -chief's kiss-

I'm 420-friendly - That one speaks for itself. 

I'm an ex-Atheist - I'll admit this is partially due to the anger I felt when I had to deal with any religious or spiritual things that wasn't good for my mental health. So I took a step back from the community and soon found I wasn't angry more often than not. I still respect and listen to many Atheists like Penn Jillette and his business partner, Mr. Teller. Jillette's book God No! is still a personal favorite. The anger made me decide to believe in all gods or none. I have an answer to the ontological question do you believe in god? I believe in every god. I'll delve into that later.

I do believe Science - Despite believing in spiritual things, I am an avid proponent and communicator of Science. No Flearth or anti-vax nonsese here. One spiritual practice I reject is holistic crap and other snake oil. Crystals are pretty, but they can't heal shit IRL. 

This one should be obvious - I'm someone you can come to if you're LGBTQIA+ and you need to talk. 

I have depression, anxiety, and ADHD - I'm very open and vocal about my, and mental health in general. It's important, and you are too. Never forget that.

I think that's an excellent place to stop. I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I did writing it. Take care. 

-Z

The Convival Copywriter

P.S.

If you're interested in an INTRODUCTORY OFFER for my services, email me at zdburkitt@gmail.com. 

-The Convival Copywriter

[urlbending]

2022 Year End Fic Review

in the words of a very ancient internet joke, better nate than lever!!

1. What is your AO3 account?

My ao3 is lookatallthemoresigive, because that was my tumblr url at the time i created my ao3. I desperately need to change it but I'm having trouble coming up with a new one and am worried if i switch I'll lose brand recognition, which is hilarious bc my MO is to write a fic or two for a fandom and then bounce

2. How many words did you write total in 2022?

I wrote 8,487 published words, but i have at least 7k unpublished. There is a very long rangshi capture the avatar au that been languishing in my drafts for over six months that im hoping to finish up and post this year. I am not a particularly fast writer because i obsess over every word i use, but I've found that with practice im getting faster and better at writing more

3. How many fics did you publish in 2022? How many multichapters vs oneshots?

I published 4, which is about my usual (a couple of random scattered fics + yuletide). They're all oneshots of varying length. My new years resolution is to write 5 fics this year!! I'm holding myself to it. One day I'll write a complete multi-chapter fic, but it's not currently in the cards.

4. What was your longest fic? Your shortest fic?

Longest: a kyoshi novels fic about hei-ran, 바늘 구멍으로 하늘 보기

4,441 words that i agonized over, including the title. I'm super proud of this fic.

Shortest: your hair never falls in quite the same way, a locked tomb missing scene fic clocking in at 890 words.

I honestly had a pretty quick turnaround time writing this one. After i had a lovely and overwhelming response to a rangshi drabble in 2021, I've been trying to be better about posting fics regardless of their length. Sometimes, hitting 1k or even 500 words is not necessary to tell a story

5. What was your most popular fic? Your least popular fic?

Most popular: kiss you too hard and follow you west another quick turnaround, this is a rangshi fluff fic so i’m not surprised

Least popular: Shinrin-Yoku, my gen character study yuletide fic for a video game that came out in 2020. I'm not losing any sleep over it. Its currently at a 15% kudos to hits ratio which good!

6. What fic didn’t perform as well as you thought it would?

Listen, I died on some weird hills last year (the love interest’s mom needs more of a backstory!!!!), so any response is a good response. I guess I was secretly hoping your hair never falls would usher in an era of camilla/nona fics bc i was certain it was going to be a thing, but the book came out and crushed those dreams. I still maintain nona had a crush on cam!!

7. What fic performed way better than you thought it would?

바늘 구멍으로 하늘 보기 because as I mentioned above, it was a character centric fic focused on a minor character. glad the kyoshi novels fandom appreciates milfs!

8. What was your favorite fic you wrote from 2022?

This is turning into a whole arc. I love the nona fic dearly, it makes me happy every time i read it, but im so proud i pulled off that hei-ran fic. Writing a character arc is not easy or as instantly gratifying as making two characters kiss. I knew I was pouring my heart (research into ancient Korean tea ceremonies for half a scene! Politics! Asking @funnefatale to bug fandom friends for Korean sayings for me!) into a work that simply might not be received. Also, I finally came out to my mom around the time i was writing this for unrelated reasons, and this fic reminds me of that 💕

9. What was your favorite fic that somebody else wrote in 2022?

by land, by sea, by dirigible, @firstelevens' amazing c&d/tfatws fic which gave me everything i needed for BOTH shows. A two for one, can you believe!!

falling (for you) like snow on christmas, a warrior nun ava/bea hallmark au. I watched a lot of hallmark type christmas movies last year, and this fic delivered on the coziness these movies provide and the chemistry they usually don't. Also, it relased daily during the week leading up to christmas, corresponding to the days in the chapters, which was super fun to experience in real time.

10. Tag your friends to do this year-end fic review as well!

@funnefatale @isabrella and anyone else who wants to do this meme!

[fear8not1]

FIC WRITER INTERVIEW

thank you for the tag @its-all-papaya and for reviving my dead tumblr

How many works do you have on AO3?

i currently have nine works on this account and i had about 11 on an old one

What's your total AO3 word count?

115,450 jesus who wrote so many words????

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

anything you ask i do (for you) - 1 496 (wtf) - Formula 1 RPF

let's take a breath (before we go, go, go) - 758 (???) - House MD

that's the speed - 672 - Formula 1 RPF which might get a chap 2 and 3 before the end of the year .... ???

i wanna hear you say my name - 668 - One Piece

except you (you can stay) - 572 - Formula 1 RPF

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

yeah, i do ! i respond to all comments except hearts (because i'm not sure they're really meant to be answered). i think it's really important to thank people who take the time to leave comments, whether they're entirely fleshed out analysis of our works or just keysmashes.

i most likely will never be an actual writer, but writing on ao3, exchanging with people about the dumb little things i write is the closest to being a proper writer. it's really nice and i want to give back as much joy and happiness as i receive :)

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

i just realised i don't write a lot of angst at all. i do have a couple of angsty drafts but i never feel good writing angsty ending... i guess song of myself would be the closest thing to an angsty ending in all of my works ? maybe ? but it's a dead poets society fic so of course it's kinda angsty. maybe i'll try to finish those angsty drafts one day, i'm not terrible at it it just makes me :(

What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

i like getting together ending so pretty much all of them outside of song of myself LMAO

Do you write crossovers?

no, never tried

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

back in my fanfiction.net days yeah but nothing bad

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

yes! i write a bit of everything for smut, although i haven't dabbled in uncommon fetishes and kinks (don't know if i ever will but it'd be good practice). i find it rather easy to write smut because a lot of it is focused on emotions and feelings, which is what i prefer writing.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

don't think so no

Have you ever had a fic translated?

no

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

back in the days yeah but co-author ghosted me LMAOO and then like soph, a lot of roleplaying so a technical yes ig

What's your all-time favorite ship?

oh that's a tough one. honestly this may sound a bit dumb but probably landoscar ? i've written a lot of ships, been a fan of even more than what i've written, but i just can't seem to let go of landoscar at all. i think it's half because i truly enjoy their personalities and dynamic and half because i feel so close to oscar. we have a very similar personality and way of doing things that makes it soooo easy to write him. so the process is not difficult usually

What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

as soph said, all of my WIPs LMAO i have over 30 drafts just for landoscar stuff. there's one that i absolutely love but know i most likely won't finish it (and since i won't, i'll share a bit with you) ;

it's a color soulmate AU. you live life in greyscale up until your soulmate touches you.

lando is a very famous painter who sees in greyscale as he has not touched his soulmate yet. oscar works at a museum where lando is granted access because he's struggling with his most recent painting. they spend a while together analysing paintings and techniques and everything, getting to know each other through art. lando still deeply struggled with his painting ; no matter what he does, it feels wrong. his background is painted, but the middle stays empty. after a while, at a party, oscar briefly touches lando who regains his color gradually. he doesn't know who touched him, obviously, and has a major freak out where he ditches oscar for a few days. he finally sees his paintings in color for the first time ever which makes things even worse. he refuses to see his works for a bit, tries to figure out who the hell could have touched him (obviously fails). finally, he grows some balls and goes back to the museum and oscar is just observing his favorite painting, one he has master copied while oscar was watching, and it hits him like a brick. oscar is what he needs to add to his painting.

anyway. the thing is entirely fleshed out in my head but i have so many drafts, so many things to write that even the tiniest bit of research is too much atm. maybe one day...

What are your writing strengths?

i think i'm good at dialogue and emotions. a good number of people have told me they've cried reading some of my other stuff, which is always good, and i think i have a high understanding of how people work mentally so it makes writing emotions, dialogue, characterisation in general a bit easier.

What are your writing weaknesses?

i really suck with descriptive pieces. i always forget to set the location and include spatial points for the reader to cling onto. i don't think i'm great at action scenes either because i'm too deep into emotions and feelings to really give a proper view of everything.

more than everything, though, i have a huge, huge problem with motivation and inspiration. im always inspired, i have a concerning amount of drafts, but most of them are around 3-4k. that's when i generally forget about them or move on to another idea. i try to fix that by going back to one of them every time i write my main idea but i only end up adding 500 words before going back to my main idea. which sucks.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

i think it can be useful if the reader is meant to be alienated, but it never works fully unless its a made up language. other than that, i don't mind it too much but i think outside of tiny words here and there (pet names in mother language, national name for a town etc) it's not that useful. a bit of a pain in the ass if you're a native english writer (i'm not, but still), and a bit of a pain in the ass if you're the reader.

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

funnily enough, same answer as soph. i used to write a lot of one direction back in the days. technically, the first ever fandom would have been warrior cats which is . something. so i'm gonna stick with one direction, the second fandom i've written for. after that it'd have been harry potter or teen wolf.

What's a fandom/ship you haven't written for yet but want to?

for ships, i have a few loscar drafts and a few logan/alex/george ideas. i don't feel entirely comfortable writing alex (specifically), but who knows. for fandoms, i have a few shield fics that i absolutely love (WWE team) and want to get to soon, a few friends fics that i think would be nice to post, some mentalist/the office/hannibal ones, too. i tend to always be too into whatever i'm watching so that makes a lot of fandoms in the end lol.

What's your favorite fic you've written?

i'm satisfied with all of them, but i really like anything you ask i do (for you) because i don't usually write getting together stories without a side of smut, so it felt a bit different. it also was purely because i love fake dating and wanted more for landoscar. except you (you can stay) is also a favorite of mine because it was my way of coping with being sick far from my family and the idea of someone washing my hair for me honestly carried me through it LMAO.

i'm gonna cheat a little but i'm also gonna add vampire landoscar, my current WIP, because it has been very fun to write even though i kinda forgot about it for like, six months.

not tagging anyone but please do this if you feel like it !! <3

[patalipat-blog]

Biryani, sopas, at kape

I need to learn how to balance being kind to myself and pushing myself beyond my comfort zone.

It's Sunday again. I planned to start my day early but I guess the fatigue has really caught up to me. Last Wednesday marked my first month here in Elbi, but I still haven't completely adjusted yet. I've been so used to my weekday-weekend routine for the past 8 years; I'd hustle at work from Monday to Friday, then I'd spend my Saturday-Sunday doing errands, lazing out, walking, eating, basta tambay galore lang haha. Now, yung weekends ko apart from personal errands like laundry, I still need to study and do lots of reports. I have anticipated this, though, kaya I really pushed for full-time study leave. Thankfully, it was granted.

This week was good to me although it seemed like a blur. Last Sunday, after Tumblring I did some work then went to the church at 5pm. My foggy mind already forgot the Homily huhuhu, but I remember getting struck by it. Small bump on the road lang yung bland coffee na nabili ko in the eve, but it still powered me through the night writing my lab report about stem cross-section.

Kasoooooo during the Plant Anatomy class on Monday, gagi wala pang 30 seconds na nakatayo ako in front, our Prof already said stop, repeat the lab work because my sample was too old na raw haha! Kinda got stunned but we just laughed it off. We really love how our Prof is so sarcastic and tactless, but so fun and informative. She's not a really great teacher (she's a University Researcher, not exactly a Prof), but she's very good in showing us how to analyze our photomicrographs. You just have to be very quick in taking note of her points, and organizing them later on.

Anyway, after class I really committed to doing overtime for my Plant Anatomy lab works for the rest of the week. I spent my Monday afternoon, whole of Wednesday, whole of Thursday, and half of Friday sampling plants, free-hand sectioning them, staining them, and viewing them under the microscope.

(My workstation for the past days)

Grabe super lula na ako everytime I'd go out of the lab at 5pm haha! But Tita Susan and Sir Jeff are reaaaaaally very accommodating Lab Technicians hehe. Sarap ng spaghetti ni Tita Susan huhu! Mas nakavibes ko rin mga Plant Anatomy classmates ko because of our lab hours.

Super hirap makakuha ng maayos na cross-section hehe, may times din na okay na sana yung sample ko kaso nasisira whenever I fix it on the slide or I stain it and flood it with water huhu! But I really learned a lot. Scared lang of course, kasi di ako naggogloves tas carcinogenic pala yung stains hahaha!

(Some unedited photos of my specimens under the microscope)

I really don't like microscopy haha! Ever since! I also get easily bored inside the lab, gusto ko nasa labas lagi. But perhaps it also stems from my lack of practice. So far, halos nagamay ko na rin yung free-hand sectioning and microscope manipulation. Hindi ako proficient, but I'm still excited to teach my students this new skill.

Last Tuesday also, holiday dito pero we did lab paperwork for our Forest Ecology lab on species mapping. Amazing, yung isa ko palang groupmate ay lowkey lang pero marami nang publications huhu! She's a URA (University Research Associate), taking MS also. Our other groupmate naman is from Baao pala hehe! Tas kapatid din siya ng former student ko. Basta super small world hehe. Our other two groupmates couldn't attend but I hope to know them further din in the coming weeks. Last Thursday afternoon and Friday, we plotted our transect for our lab on forest floor cover. Nakakatuwang matuto from our undergrad groupmates on how to plot the bearings for the transect. Talagang dapat specific yung compass directions, di pwedeng basta basta lang.

(We're actually two groups here. Uso collab ftw hehe!)

May utang pa ako sa kanila huhu! Di ko pa nagagawa yung part ko sa species mapping lab! Why? Because after doing Plant Anatomy labwork last Friday, I prepared naman for our Pisay Bikol Tulong Dunong 2024. I was tasked to teach Scientific Method and Variables to 240 Grade 6 pupils via Google Meet. Nakeri naman hehe, medyo napuyat. I was already dreading having signed up to this tutorial, kasi of course imbes na restmode na I needed to shift my mindset back to being a teacher and prepare materials pa diba.

Oks naman though hehe. Suuuuper fun naman yung naging discussion! I lowkey was kinda scared, I didn't know how to sustain the attention of the Grade 6 kids lalo pa at online tutorial. I did away with the lengthy lectures, I just did some diagrams and planned on giving test drills tas I'd explain them later on. But honestly, whatever I prepared, kulang pa pala haha! I had to do on-the-spot illustrations and explanations of how the Scientific Method was used in understanding the real world. Nachallenge din ang understanding ko! But things went well naman, they were so rowdy sa chatbox kaya I had to turn it off several times, then turn it on kapag I need responses from them. Overall, feel ko nagets naman nila nang maayos yung Scientific Method hehe! Napahaba lang talaga sa explanations, and sa chikahan on the side! They had so many questions about Pisay, and of course I was so willing to respond naman, bilang alumnus.

(Some screenshots)

I hope they enjoyed hehe, kahit na magulo rin ako mag-explain at times. In fairness, sabi naman nila gusto nila ako maging teacher hehe! May Round 2 pa ako though, next Saturday. I'll squeeze Variables and Biology in just 2 hours huhu sana kayanin! Another win for me pala this week was finally being able to go to the gym! Last Tuesday, kahit super busy I really pushed myself to go at lunchtime. Typical bakal gym, pero mura naman and hindi crowded, tas mabait naman yung coach on duty, though they wouldn't really focus on you for the entire time unlike doon sa gym ko back in Goa. Tas yesterday, after the online tutorial nagrest lang ako then late eve I went back. Ngarag!!! Pero kinaya naman hehe. Sobrang tahimik namin kagabi, minding our own routines haha. Hanap ngako gym buddy, para may kausap naman kahit pano. Nevertheless, it's still a win for my personal health!

As for today, I woke up late and super sakit ng katawan because of workout kagabi haha! Then I went to the Sunday Market again, had biryani (sobrang sarap!), finally yung naamoy ko last Sunday natikman ko na now haha! Tas sopas, and laaaaarge coffeeeeee!!! Sobrang nabitin kasi ako sa small cup nila last week haha, kaya nagpalarge ako now kahit pa juice cup yung pinaglagyan nila haha! Nagtakeout din ako sopas para sa housemate ko na jusq hindi pa pala natutulog, dami raw kasing acad work and org work. I was happy na finally nakapagbuy ako ng food for my housemate hehe. Nahihiya ako syempre, kasi yung first 2 weeks na stay ko rito last Aug, hindi na nila ako pinabayad. This Sept na lang daw ang start ng rent ko. Tas parang for the past weeks ang lutang ko and tahimik kaya baka naisip niya galit ako or what haha, pero sa totoo lang sobrang dami lang talagang iniisip. Especially financial!!! Kaya mabuti na rin kahit paano umokay2 na ang financial stance ko now, although marami pang dapat ifix.

Oh, and just as I was writing this, napansin ko nag-emerge na from pupa yung adult moth na iniincubate koooooo!!!!

(L: Improvised rearing chamber; R: newly emerged adult moth)

Naamaze ako, finally being able to observe these. I felt daunted when I collected the larvae and then they started to pupate na kahit nasa plastic pa. Tas nung trinansfer ko sila dito sa rearing chamber, I was lowkey expecting that they would all die. Pero hey, nabuhay!!!

(L: moth larva; R: moth pupa)

Last Saturday also, yung shield bug nymph na inalagaan ko, nagmolt into adult stage after about a week. Amazing!!!

(From the green-colored nymph, to the white-colored molting stage na akala ko nasugatan siya at nagbibleed, to the brown-colored adult stage, soft pa ang exoskeleton at that point)

Ayun na muna siguro for now hehe. At the moment, I still need to do laundry (papalaundry shop na lang kasi laging mahina araw the past weeks, di bumabango handwashed clothes ko). Tas magsisimba rin, and I still need to write 1 lab report for Forest Ecology, 3 lab reports for Plant Anatomy, and 1 proposal for my Special Problems (sobrang napabayaan ko na ito dahil minarathon ko yung Anatomy!). Kaya ko ba? Kayaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

Go go goooo!!!!

[md3artjournal]

Guess I should check in. I haven't made art in such a long time, it seems. I was already off my daily drawing practice. I didn't do half or most of MerMay.

Failed to stay on Creatury---AGAIN. I really thought I had it this time. I should have done another January of daily flower sketches.

Skipped Faebruary. I don't know why. It's one of my favorite monthly challenges. I get to draw flowers, tiny chibi, butterfly wings, and my OTPs. I don't know what happened. I think it was just my overall drop off of daily drawing practice. ;_;

March should have been Magical March. Every year I gather up costume design reference, and I say I'll draw Magical Boys to go with Magical Girls. But I'm usually burnt out from Faebruary. I really should have been able to do it this year, since I skipped Faebruary this year. I drew ONE random maho shojo OC. That's it. x_x;

April is supposed to be my own challenge that I made up: "AprilAngelsAndDemons". And it worked out well for me in 2020…But I haven't been able to bring it back since. x_x

MerMay is one of my favorite challenges. It's pretty a well-known challenge, so there's a lot of exposure, so a lot of encouragements. Plus, I don't have to draw clothes or the entire bottom half of the body. ^^ Bonus: I love drawing wavy, flowy lines, so fish tails and fish fins really work for me too. ^-^ …But I only did part of the challenge. ;; My May got taken over by some depression, and drawing cards for Mother's Day AND my mom's birthday.

June was supposed to be another one of my made-up monthly drawing challenges: JuneBridesGrooms. But I haven't done it since 2021. x_x; That was a really good challenge for me. I don't know why I haven't kept it up. ;.; But this year, I know. May 2023 got taken over by that photography contest with unlimited entries, and I think I took some days to recover from that. Still, it couldn't have been that many days. And then I had to draw my dad's Father's Day card, though that didn't take more than 2 days. And I'll still trying to continue that MerMay2023 DMCL fancomic I started last month.

Maybe I'm just burnt out. And I know I have a hard time getting back into drawing, if I don't keep it up frequently. That's why I always take on those monthly drawing challenges and try to draw every single day. But lately…I've just been letting it slide. Tired. Needed several days to do laundry. Writing too many nonsense journal posts and random Tumblr posts; fandom type analysises that I don't even post, half the time. Maybe I'm just tired.

I've been thinking a lot lately about getting more serious about returning to cons or at least finally opening an online shop. I've let the online shop ideas get postponed, because I was too busy, constantly restocking for convention tables. The pandemic let me slow down and reassess, but that just left me staring in the face, the intimidating prospect of online sales. Years, I've followed artists and read their posts about horrible customers. I've got too much social anxiety for this. So when I recently heard about "print on demand" services, I thought this would be perfect for me. But now I'm hearing it's called "dropshipping" and has a bad reputation? I feel like I can't win. I can't even figure out what name to rebrand to. Because that would require knowing how to summarize my art style and what I want to do. But all the commonalities in my illustration style, are unflattering. All my best work is flat, 2D, and monochrome, but that's not exactly the best impression. Maybe it got me dwelling too much on how I don't know how to describe my style. But more likely, I'd get disheartened, looking through my Archives, to give me ideas for what name best fits my rebrand…and be reminded how badly I draw. I can't compete with the competition. I can't even get the guts to order stickers of my art. x___x;;;;;;;;; My best art is photography and sculpture. But my photography can't compete with most other figure photographers. My 2 figure photography contest wins don't really count for anything when you see how objectively worse, even my winning photos were, compared to most others'. And I've ruined my reputation with sculpture. I'm beginning to think I've been buying weak, non-durable, polymer clay all this time. I've always had to worry about it breaking during shipping/travel, people shittalk my work's resiliency, while passing by my convention tables, and people just expect it to be as strong as some cheap Walmart industrial-plastic trinkets. I don't want to deal with more problems with materials/packaging, making more customers mad at me. Just that one incident completely ruined my ability to sculpt for my business ever again…even though it may be my best medium. I cannot deal with conflict on any kind of level. …So that's made me wonder if I should give up on art, and return to some office job. I know I heard getting a job is nearly impossible these days, especially since I don't have the basic socializing skills that are usually expected. But maybe I'd be better off if my art is just a hobby. No more worrying about competition, and not measuring up. …But I decided a long time ago, during my last office job, that if I wanted to stop feeling suicidal, even though I had all the money and medical benefits that everyone said I needed to be happy, I needed to make art my job. I was too tired after office days to do any art as a hobby. And without it, I was getting more and more, inexplicably self-destructive. I may be too lazy to really study illustration and improve, but I need to do art as my career. If my job takes up all my time, and I'm too tired in my downtime to do art, but I need art to be sane/happy, then making art my job was my only logical conclusion. …But I'm so bad at it! x________x;;;;;;;;;;;;; Even aside from my quality, I just don't have the guts to even open an online shop or take commissions. I've avoided the stress of it so much, that I don't even know where to start---Well, I know where to get the information about where to start. I've subscribed to a lot of independent small business artists on social media, who talk about all their business stuff. But I still avoid actually reading or listening to their videos…because it's all too overwhelming. More and more, I think I'm not cut out for this small business artist thing. But at the same time, I don't see anywhere else for myself.

Well, that sounds like an artist block, if I ever heard one. I guess that's why I haven't been drawing daily lately.

People say that drawing every single day is unnecessary, or even bad for you. But it works for me. It more than works for me. I NEED it. Not just because my drawing muscles instantly atrophy as soon as I stop practicing. But I also really enjoy drawing everyday. I need that feeling of accomplishment everyday. Even when I draw badly, compared to the competition in artist alley, it just feels so good to have been able to make something, and additionally be so much better than past me. Past me couldn't draw what was in my head this easily or this quickly! I feel so proud of myself after I manage to finish drawing. But then a day or 2 later, or when I have to think about which illustration to pick, to become merch in artist alley, I just fall apart.

I don't know what I'm doing.

Also, my best art isn't actually photography, sculpture, or even jewelry or printmaking. (And my storyboarding has gone to hell, since I stopped reading manga daily.) It was always writing. I'm bad at it now. I haven't been confident in writing narrative stories in years. And maybe most of what I write lately is just journaling and fandom analysis essays, that I'm too afraid to un-Private on Tumblr. But people have been telling me for years that my writing is good, I've repeatedly seen my writing get me out of situations through its effectiveness, and I know what it feels like to work hard at a craft and really enjoy the WORKING HARD at it. And I enjoy working hard at writing. I think that actually ENJOYING the "working hard" part is a big sign that it might be what I should be doing. But I've completely let this skill atrophy. x_x I've thought about maybe submitting essays for publication as articles anyway. But I just don't have to confidence to put my real name on anything public. Especially something as incendiary as writing. I could write an opinion piece about how much I love chocolate ice cream, and the trolls would come out of no where to tear me into pieces. I don't think my social anxiety would let life be tolerable with that.

Maybe that's why I just keep ping-pong'ing myself in limbo, doing nothing.

[enhy4en]

enhypen hyung line as college roommates

pairing: enhypen hyung line x gn!reader

genre: fluff, roommate trope

warnings: not proof read! few curse words, kisses.. that's it i think, please lmk if i missed anything

word count: 1.8k

note: this will be my first writing post on tumblr ever! as a college freshman, these bullets are really not accurate because I still live with my parents lmao and i'm still doing online school. ANYWAY this is what my brain came up with. let's start <3

heeseung

okay, he would be quiet as FUCK

he is a frickin infp, man’s introverted

he only speaks when spoken to

BUT he would be protective, i can see that

being two years your senior, he definitely gives you all the advice you could ever need.

best study places? he knows them all.

where to and not to party? he tells you everything.

even professors to watch out for. AND HE DOESNT EVEN HAVE THE SAME PROGRAM AS YOU

after two months, he’d have already warmed up to you.

no more introverted heeseung! you only knew loud and funny heeseung.

you don’t know why, but he definitely cracked more jokes when you’re around. (his friends said so the one time they came over)

as for cooking, you both would fight. either he’s lazy or you don’t want another ramen night.

it got tiring. until you noticed it’s 10pm and dinner was FAR from ready, you shook your head and headed over to the kitchen with youtube open on your phone playing the first cooking video you saw.

you didn’t realize it until it was time to add the green onion to the kimchi fried rice you were making that heeseung practically cut up all of the ingredients you needed.

“whe- how?”

“you were reaaally focused.” he shrugged and snatched the ladle from your hands so he could transfer the rice into two separate bowls.

“you could be a good sous chef, you know? have you considered shifting to culinary?”

“i’m literally one and a half year from graduating, y/n.”

that night, you both didn’t sleep until 2 in the morning.

past midnight, you both decided to clean up.

1am, you two were in front of the microwave waiting for the timer to go off.

2am, the movie you were watching during dinner and well after the popcorn rolled credits.

you see your roommate on the couch, eyes shut, head leaning towards you.

he appears to be coming closer.

you look away. ‘what is he doing?’ you think to yourself.

you suddenly feel two arms on your waist, tightening its grip. you hear “you’re my favorite roommate.” from the voice you’ve been hearing consistently the past two months.

others after the cut!

jay

i do not know if im emotionally ready for this (prolly not) but let’s go

he’s been your bestest friend for most of high school so it’s a no-brainer when you both got into the same university that y’all will be roommates.

bickering. all. day. long.

“i’m showering first.” you reminded him when attempts to open the door.

“then why aren’t you HERE?”

“i’m getting in the mood, okay?”

very chaotic.

there is one time though when you both seem to have a cease-fire.

that time being when you got sick.

he had only one class that day so the whole three hours he was gone, was the only time you felt peace after five months of living with him.

the peace you felt being a good nap. when you woke up, you heard noise in the kitchen.

“jay, is that you?”

“guess!”

you rolled your eyes and decided to get up since your nap did 50% of the medicine’s work, one that you were supposed to take.

only you ran out so you waited for jay to buy some.

“what are you doing here?” jay, turning his back from the stove to face you, questioned.

you turn his back around again, “chill. i don’t feel that sick anymore. what are you cooking?” you peeked through his shoulders with a tip-toe to see that he was cooking soup, the one your mom makes for you when you don’t feel well.

“oh my god, you love me THAT much?” you said with a hint of sarcasm and teasing

“yeah, of course. why do you think i put up with your bullshit for 6 years, huh? of course, i’m in love with you.”

“woah, IN LOVE? JAY WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?”

his confession was so sudden

and that resulted in him PLAINLY AVOIDING you for three days

“jay, can we at least TALK about it? i swear i’m gonna go insane if you go another second of ignoring me.”

“i was planning on confessing, okay? and i planned it to go way better than that. c’mon...” he looked down.

“well, i think it was perfect.”

“sorry for ruining our friendship-” you cut him off with, “i like you too, you know?”

“WHAT?” an ‘o’ formed with his mouth. he was so cute.

he finally looked up to see your expression. when his eyes met yours, both of your lips formed a smile. his eyes a perfect crescent.

“so...” he started.

“so...” you continued.

“what now?” you said together.

he shook his head, still with the unstoppable smile. “come here.” he opened his arms, gesturing a hug.

“i really thought...” he said under his breath, with his chin touching the top of your head.

“shut up and kiss me.”

jake

hella awkward at first.

you're both international students so there's gotta be solidarity or something, right?

WRONG.

you and jake didn't talk for two weeks.

nods and waves were the only forms of communication.

that was enough, i guess?

it was fortunate that your schedules were the exact opposite. all of your classes were in the morning and all of his were in the afternoon.

you only ever saw each other when you both get food in the common area.

day 13. you became really tired of this. you wanted a new friend.

so you wait for him to come home after his last class finished.

“hey jake!” you said after he locked the door.

“huh? yeah, hi?” he looked confused. maybe because he was. this was the only time he heard you speak other than your first day in the dorms, when you first introduced yourself.

you scrambled your brain to come up with what to say and nothing comes. so you just said, “nothing. just wanted to talk to you more. uh.. good night!” And walked back to your room like you didn’t just wait 2 hours on the couch.

the day after, he started talking to you more. and it didn’t take too long for you to become close. and a month into this some kind of friendship, you started to form some kind of a routine.

study sessions in the cafe nearby. every week.

it started with him just asking where you were going one night and to your surprise, he came with you to the cafe that night because he said he wants to go somewhere to study too.

ever since then, when the clock strikes 9 in the evening, you were both packing up to go down to your trusty coffee shop.

you noticed at most nights, jake doesn’t even bother to open his laptop (that he supposedly brought to study) and he just goes on his phone. you even caught him one time taking a picture of you. “you were making a funny face,” was his excuse.

you were not making a funny face. you don’t know what was going on inside his head.

“jake, if you don’t have to study, you know you don’t have to come with me. right?” you cornered him the next week. you felt a bit guilty because you thought he was forced to go with you every time ever since the first study night.

“but, y/n, i WANT to go with you.”

“why?”

“i just like your presence. if i’m bothering you, then i won’t go anymore. is that good?”

oh.

he likes your presence.

“jake! oh my god, are we friends now?” you asked him with shock and a hint of teasing.

“yeah, of course we’re fr- WAIT YOU DIDN’T SEE ME AS A FRIEND BEFORE?”

“yeah, no. you were more like an acquaintance to me.”

“MY COMING WITH YOU EVERY WEEK TO THE CAFE... was that not our friendship bonding?”

“sure, but you don’t really talk to me... jake.”

“why do we both suck at starting conversations?”

sunghoon

another introvert.

this will be hard. especially, considering that he was one of the last people you'd want to be your roommate.

he hates you for goodness's sake.

well, maybe not hate BUT you’re sure he is out to get you

it’s hard having your academic rival as your roommate, no?

imagine, the one who races you to answer your professor just to annoy you is the same person you have to see each morning.

the one who always compares both of your scores is the same one who is now making coffee just outside your door.

can your university experience get any worse?

a deep breath later and your door is open. you need to go to school anyway.

you nodded at sunghoon and headed to the bathroom to shower.

you were running late, so you did everything as fast as you could.

then, you remembered as you were finishing up

you forgot to eat! you always liked to eat before showering, it was comforting.

it gave the slow vibe of a weekend morning. but now, all of that's gone.

all because of your annoying roommate who you were trying to avoid a while ago..

ultimately, you decided to eat just after your first class.

it’s only for an hour, i can do it. you thought about its duration. you can go back to your apartment to eat, without any distractions.

okay, it’s been decided! let's go to class.

you got out, all dressed and wondered, “where is he?”

why were you looking for sunghoon anyway

you shook your head and picked your keys up to go out.

an hour later, you heard noises as you were unlocking your apartment door.

you thought to yourself, sunghoon is gone for the day, right?

is there someone else inside? what if it was a thief?

so you inhaled as you opened the door.

while you were expecting a black masked figure, you saw the last person you’d thought to see.

sunghoon.

“you didn't eat breakfast.” he said simply and pointed to the dining table where he was sitting.

he continued, “so i cooked.”

“you weren’t even here when i finished showering.”

he shrugged. “groceries, duh.”

you laughed through your nose. “always an answer for everything. huh, sunghoon?”

“you bet,” he smiled and continued, “this doesn't mean we're friends. remember that.”

“of course. even the time when you took care of me when i was drunk, we weren't friends then.”

“yes! we weren't, we aren't, and we will definitely will not be friends.”

“you're insufferable, sunghoon.”

“not as much as you, though.” and he had the audacity to wink.

he was wrong, by the way.

both of you became friends soon after that.

then, lovers.

wait. that makes him... half right. you both are certainly not friends now.

“oh my god. was that what you meant by us never being friends?!” you jump up from your slumber.

you both were taking a nap. it was a nice sunday afternoon.

in your shared bed, sunghoon turns to face you.

he jolted his eyes in confusion. why were you screaming well into the afternoon? he didn't know.

but he did.

“we were never going to be friends because,” he paused to grab onto you and be closer to your scent.

“i was already in love with you then.”

[rjshepherd]

rambelling about the dark purveyors

so i wrote this last night in like 40 minutes before i went to bed, then tumblr wasnt working on desktop so i couldnt post it lmao

Uhhhh so im still on my lollipop chainsaw bender and i'm stuck making au’s for the dark purveyors and such . but also i kinda wondered what jobs they would have had if they'd lived? Hell maybe they could have jobs in the rotten world, who knows

Zed

So for some reason I can see Zed having a medical job. Maybe not a Doctor, family medicine or general practice but maybe a surgeon? I can def see him taking an interest in cutting people up and just being like “well i GUESS i can fix them while i'm at it.'' I can also see him just blasting misfits as his operating. Failing that, lab tech? Still science and biology, maybe he still works in a hospital as a nurse or phlebotomist? I could maybe even see him working as a crime scene tech or a crime scene cleaner? He's not squeamish and I imagine he’d love to tell people gross stories from his job. Something science or medicine based is up his alley.i don't think he cares for cops but he seems like he might like working shit out like a detective, so maybe a medical examiner? Being punk is fun and all but it doesn't pay the bills. 

Vikke

Another medical job maybe? Perhaps not with human thought. I feel like Vikke is maybe an animal whisperer. I could see him working in a Zoo, obviously he loves the bears most but he can look after all the animals. Maybe he could work in a rescue centre that takes exotic or farm animals ? I can see him as a vet very easily but I could also see him as an animal trainer, maybe for movies and such? Stays on set to help them film, all the other dark purveyors are jealous because he gets to hang around with animals and actors all day but he's pretty humble about it. I know he has Yumil as a pet/poncho but I also think he has a little ratty teacup dog who is the most vicious headbanger you've ever met. It's probably called Thor or something. Vikke puts bathory on his home sound system before he goes to work so the dog doesn't get lonely.

Mariska

So she works in a dispensary, obviously but it's more like a dispensary/cafe? I think maybe she's doing a little cooperative thing : half the store is a dispensary and is run by the growers, half the store is a cafe that Mariska runs. She makes space cakes and sews weed themed bags and things like that. It's definitely a favourite hangout for the others, they started going for the free coffee and cheap weed but it's honestly such a chill place to hang out they started buying things to keep the lights on so they'd always have a place to go ( also mariska wouldn't stop banging on about supporting local shops, threatened to play nothing but go ask alice until the bought something). She organises craft days and live music and workshops for people wanting to learn to write or who need help with their CVs or people who want to learn a new craft like knitting or macrame. She even goes out to the farmers market on Saturdays with one of those little portable coffee shop caravans. Honestly, homegirl is living her best life and I love that for her. 

Josey

SO josey is the only one who still has a job in the music field. I can see him owning a record store or maybe some sort of promotion agency? He decorated the fulci fun centre, i think he might have a bit of artistic talent in him. Maybe he does the art for artists' posters? Set up the flyers and do the t-shirt art for the concerts? He seems tech savvy so i could also see him doing DJ gigs. Actually as i was typing this i remembered; if you go to the chain link fence in the fulci fun centre where you get a nick ticket, you can see a neon sign that says Josey’s arcade. Maybe he runs his own gaming place. Given his uh….personality, i can see it being more adult focused, slots and pachinko machines, old r18 arcade cabs of DOOM, maybe some vr headsets with questionable games installed? I feel like he’d also do parties but less kid parties and more 21st parties with booze and strippers and pacman, bachelor parties with pole dancers when you win. If you get enough tickets from skee ball you can get a lapdance, that sort of thing. 

Lewis

Ok hear me out: i think lewis would be into robotics. First thought was he works in a garage that specialises in fancy mods and detailing and while I can totally see that as a practical job, I imagine he has a side gig doing animatronics, fancy rigs and elaborate custom toys for grown folks and maybe movies? Maybe he works on the same sets as Vikke occasionally. Ellyphant was pretty cool and I know it was probably magic but Lewis would have had to think of the design, maybe even on the fly as Juliet sliced it in different places . That's creativity, that's engineering, that's out of the box thinking ! He'd make a good contestant on robot wars is all I'm saying. Day to day he does work on bikes and cars. It's fun giving people their dream ride but what he enjoys more is taking a pos scrap car or bike and restoring it from just a shell and some wheels to something amazing that is worth thousands. I don't think he likes telling folks about his side thing because it's nerdy and he’s still got that greaser tough guy image to protect. 

Swan

Ok swan was definitely the most difficult to choose because like. He's not in the game enough to get a gist of him and his skills. He's a necromancer, bad at sports and needs to talk to a therapist but that's not going on his CV. in the au im making, swan is a reaper : basically while juliet is killing alive monsters, Swan is killing dead humans, people who cant or wont pass on . I like the yin and yang thing between them, swan having to grow up by seeing how many people don't want to die, don't deserve to die and knowing he wasted his life on revenge. Totally stole this idea from Kuroshitsuji, the reapers there are people who are people being punished for taking their own lives, so i thought it fit well with swans story. 

But this isn't that au im talking about, these are just hypotheticals, I'll talk about their reaper au stories some other time. For grown swan i thought a few things: he's a “geek” so he's obviously smart , he's good at planning (world domination notwithstanding), he's good with explosives (well good might be a stretch but he knows how to use them) and he's good with languages ( he speaks latin (or an approximation of latin) while summoning the dark purveyors)) so here's my potential job list : teacher or someone in academia, he's clearly smart, i don't think he could do highschool again but college might be fun for him. 

Linguistics tutor/researcher: Latin is a dead language, being able to translate it for research, for history or even for medicine would be a good choice for him. He hasn't got the greatest social skills so something involving people long dead seems like a good choice. 

pyrotechnician/demolition expert: ok this man is smart, patient, good at planning and has previous explosion experience. Tell me you wouldnt like to see this goth fuck rock up someplace with 12 tonns of c4 to an old ass building, level it then quietly just air drum the opening of down with the sickness???? If you say no I'll know you're lying. 

[wiypt-writes]

25 Days Of CHRIS-Mas

Day 20: Christmas In July

Summary: Writers’ block is a bitch…

Pairing: Me (Playing It Cool) x Reader

Warnings: Bad Language, smut (NSFW, 18+)

W/C: Hazard a guess about 700

Disclaimer: This is a pure work of fiction, any likeness to any persons or events in real life are purely co-incidental. I do not own any characters contained herein bar the reader and/or any original characters. I do not give consent for my work to be copied and posted/translated onto any other sites. If you see this fiction anywhere other than Tumblr, it has been taken without permission.By reading beyond this point you understand and accept the terms of this disclaimer and ALL warnings posted here.

A/N: Posted on mobile with my left hand. Apologies in advance for any mistakes! This is written in ‘Me’s’ POV.

Day 19: Nick Vaughan (Before We Go)

25 Days Of CHRIS-mas Masterlist // Main Masterlist

It was a blistering day in July, Independence Day had come and gone and there was a triple digit heatwave for the next ten days.

You were miserable. It was hot, the air con unit you'd promised her you'd get fixed still waiting on that call. Instead, you were stuck in your office, the fan on, the windows open and boredom from failure fully setting in.

Bryan was expecting your next script on his desk in two weeks and the topic was out and out bullshit. A holiday romantic comedy filled with literally all the clichés. Much not unlike your piece seven years ago that settled up your finances for a good while.

Your life was far different than it was back then. At least in some sense.

Romantically, you'd fallen for a woman who practically fell out of the sky, left her fiance for you at the altar and then three years later, the two of you were no longer a thing.

It broke you, soiled your soul and a lot like Mallory, made you swear off love.

And you had… until she had waltzed into your life like a hurricane. Literally. In all her glory, two Christmases ago.

You were leaving a shop in Santa Monica and as you swung the door open, you hit her square in the face. The next thing you saw was a lot of blood and heard a crunch over the chime of the door.

You'd broken her nose while leaving the shop.

Mortified, you’d apologised and tried to let her allow you to run her to the hospital. She had declined, because, let’s face it, she had no idea who you were. Instead she had taken a cab but not before you’d passed her your number and begged she at least messaged you to let you know she was okay.

It took a week, but you finally heard from her. A text telling you she was sorry for taking so long but she was reaching out anyway and when she told you the details of her emergency room visit, you cursed yourself even more. But those messages didn't end there. And after four days of profusely apologizing and offering to foot her medical bill for the incident, she relented and to sweeten the deal you offered coffee. But that was to start, however and just before the Christmas holiday, the two of you were on your first date.

Things had moved slowly, both of you had been out of the game so to speak after suffering equally damaging break ups- her ex fiancé leaving LA with her now ex-best friend.

It took nearly a year before you'd asked her to move in, and that was six and a half months ago. You didn't regret the decision. Not one bit of it. Not taking the time to find a place for you both, not settling into a beachside, pint sized place because you both loved the beach and you found it a peaceful place to write when you could.

You did regret however the slump you were in and agreeing to this push Bryan threw at you.

The door opened and she called your name through the apartment.

You hollered back your location and in she bounced like she did at the end of her day, molding the minds of you children in preschool.

"Hi," she kissed you, plopping into your lap.

"Hi." You smiled softly.

"How's the holiday rom com coming?"

“Fucking shit.”

"Oh, babe, I'm sorry," she giggled with a sigh. "Look, it's Friday, why don't we order some pizza, watch those cheesy Hallmark movies on the DVR for inspiration and drink whatever beer we have in the fridge?"

“Yeah, I need a break, my brain feels… oh…oh!” Your eyes grew wide as the sudden inspiration rolled over you.

"What?" She sat up straight in your lap.

“Break…babe, I can use our story!”

Her eyes went wide as a grin plastered over her lips and then she frowned and pursed those same beautiful, kissable lips. "It took you two weeks to come up with that?"

“I didn’t think,” you shrugged.

She laughed and shook her head, "you're a boy, they never do." She snorted and hopped off your lap, but not before kissing you and patting your chest.

"I'll order pizza and get the beer. I guess it's Hallmark and I on the couch tonight while you get to work." She said with a wink and disappeared.

You pondered for a moment before you shut the laptop down, it could wait. Now you knew where you were going with it, you’d have it done in the next week.

🎄🎄🎄🎄

Day 21: Frank Adler (Gifted)

[sorryimananti-romantic]

rant ahead:

hellooo people. it's been a while since i posted. hope you all are healthy. not that anybody cares (if you do, thank you) i've been very busy these past two to three months. my masters degree is almost halfway done- we're still wrapping up the second semester and after that, i only have to work on my thesis, practically from home, which means i get to have free time too.

but i want to use that time to explore my options, find where i fit in, and work. i'm a linguistics major and i want to explore both in and out of that field when i start working for real. i decided to try a lot of things because i can always resort to studying further, or teaching in a school or college, or writing professionally or something, but i want to do more than that. so wish me luck, pray that i find a place and skill i'm comfortable working with!

i haven't given up writing fics. i know some of you miss me and are patiently waiting for me to put out another piece. thank you for supporting me so far! i have a few work in progress actually- slowly working on them since finishing my assignments before the deadlines is my top priority these days, but gosh, am i writing fics. so here's what's happening:

a wooyoung fic bc i only have one of him so far lol. i keep changing the whole thing because i want to make it scream wooyoung. it's getting somewhere. it's royal (i keep writing royal aus i should just make it my concept) and it's gonna be funny (i hope). let's hope i can actually finish the thing and not give up.

another is a... (drum rolls) take me home spinoff! it's a san story, there's an original character, and it can be read as a stand alone too (though you might want to read take me home bc it's fun pls go read) bc i keep providing history there. i'm going to make take me home a whole fucking universe and write spinoffs for a few, if not all the members. it's going to be dark. i'm very speedily writing it. what motivated me were quite a few people both on tumblr and wattpad simping for take me home san. i have to admit, i'm also a take me home san simp. boi deserved better. he'll get the best.

so i guess it's going to be at least another half a month before i'll be able to put something out. take me home enthusiasts, sit tight and pray i finish it and don't give up lolll also i'm writing it without a limit in mind so i'm not sure if it's just going to be a lengthy oneshot or a goddamn novel again (can you belive take me home was 155k words?? i snapPED).

if yall have prompts for any members, feel free to suggest! i might be able to write something around it :)) i hope you all are doing well and best of luck with whatever's going on with you! stay safe and stay healthy <3

[mooncorebunny]

Sea of Creativity

We've all got cool ideas and plans to tell stories, draw artwork, produce games, something that ends up reaching numerous people and get many kudos for having created something a little bit meaningful. (I guess we wouldn't be on tumblr if we hadn't had that wish at some point.) And we've sure tried to produce stuff, some of which isn't even half bad.

But there's no payoff. After months or years of work, if we're even able to stick with it that long, it gets maybe a dozen likes if we're lucky. Or just the echo of our own release announcement bouncing back and forth. If a lot of our self-worth has been tied to our creative output, finding that validation is not forthcoming naturally leads to questioning that self-worth, and thence as far as "why am I even trying anything".

There's a stereotype about any amateur writer at some point realising they're not going to write "the great American novel", a depressing but pragmatic realisation that allows them to focus on making the most out of however life is working out for them. I'll never be one to discourage realism or practicality, but it'll be a sad life that doesn't allow itself room for creativity too. However, expectations are best tempered.

I guess Maslow's hierarchy of needs has been criticised for various reasons, but I still like it as a tool for understanding the general shape of human needs. For optimal happiness, needs from all categories should be met. Weightings between categories vary individually and over time.

In our western societies, our basic physical needs are pretty universally met. (Although capitalism is working on that.) Psychological needs revolve around social relationships, broadly a desire to feel like an appreciated part of a herd. And a need for self-actualisation manifests in wanting to create things and becoming more than we are. A failure to meet various needs can lead to stress, desperation, loneliness, and depression. (There are of course many other ways to end up with unhappy states.)

Creating something artistic is great for fulfilling the need for self-actualisation - creating stuff for its own sake. But it's very unlikely to satisfy social needs, so if we don't already have a sense of belonging and esteem from somewhere else, being creative won't fix that loneliness. This is where a reality check may be useful. Even if we can't fix the problem, at least we'll know which need is the problem. And we can detach the expectation for social prestige from creative pursuits, making them enjoyable and worthwhile in their own right.

I am more of a programmer than a content creator; that is, I will spend a ton of time writing game engine code, but when it comes to actually making game content, I will procrastinate the project to death in short order. Nevertheless, I have several fun game ideas that I'm a little sad I'm unlikely to get to explore. And, when younger, I had hoped for some recognition for having made a cool game or song or webcomic. Or at least a nifty text adventure...

However, in order to get recognition, my creations would have to stand out. And as I look around, I realise that humans are amazingly creative in every possible field, and modern digital and networking tools enable that sea of creativity at an unprecedented scale. This is not a bad thing at all in my book - it's impressive how much creative effort my fellow humans are able to put out. (A greater belief in the good humans can do is good for the soul.)

I can't deny it was a bit demoralising at first, when I was browsing through GOG's list of new games and it hit me just how many of those damn things there are. (Or, looking through Fitgirl's repacks site for stuff that's not on GOG.) I mean, who is creating all these games?? And, more importantly, who's playing them? If I created one, who would even notice it? There are literally a dozen new games being made every day, not all of them published, and it's not possible for a single person to even try every new game, there are so many. So it's reasonable to assume that the total playership of these beautiful work of art games that their creators poured their hearts into probably typically measures in the dozens, hundreds of people at most. Not to mention all the shovelware that casual game developers put out, who actually have some marketing in place to buy attention.

Having a business degree, and having worked around the game industry, and having read indie developers' thoughts on game publishing, I can safely conclude that I will never make a game that nets me fame. More specifically, I think I understand the scale of development collaboration and marketing effort required to have a chance at publishing a famous game, and I don't think it would be worth it for me. Creating a game is fun - designing and executing an impactful marketing strategy for it is very much not.

The same applies to other artforms. There are more talented artists offering commissions than I can shake a stick at. The internet has been bursting at the seams since the 90's as even more try their hand at writing. For any single individual to stand out in that is not going to happen.

And that's fine! Creativity is a need, and a well-optimised person fulfills that need for its own sake. There is no way for that creativity to fulfill other, social needs. So seek contentment by whatever other means possible. And keep creating reasonably-sized works and ensure you have a circle of acquaintances who will appreciate it. Our works may be small and seen by few, but we're still adding to the total sum of human culture and anyway it's fun to create.