#i guess i do overshare to much in the tags
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”Damn I’ve been feeling kind of shitty about what I went through when I was 15-16. I wonder if there’s a way to get all these feelings out besides therapy”
SpottedLeaf and Anya:
#blimbo rambles#wc#Crazy as hell to me that the game came out when it did because that was right when I had a feeling I was about to get sent into another#depressive ass spiral for weeks on end over that whole shitty internet thing (again)#I don't carry the same Kinds of mental weight/trauma that these two characters hold - and I know Spotted's whole thing was handled poorly#with her story not even trying to be about grooming according to Victoria Holmes- but something about their characters just#made me feel. I dunno how to explain this but not alone I guess?#Definitely not the right explanation#Basically I'm just trying to say that it's so crazy how quickly these two characters have become really important to me#as embarrassing as that is to admit it's true#again. the game came out RIGHT when I felt one of the depressive episodes coming back. Course I got a lot on my mind when my#birthday was lose. Sure as hell got a lot on my mind now that I'm 19. Not oversharing about that though#But I dunno man. Just feels nice to explore topics of trauma and ptsd with these two (Even if I do more so with Spotted but that's because#I don't really want to draw people much and also I get embarrassed drawing human fanart)#anyways how do I end these tags off#Uh. Alright these two characters are now apart of my “Important Characters I project onto” shelf right next to Smudge
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going and listening to my youtube playlists is truly a safe place for me. I just listened to the Discord Murder Party season 3 theme and sang along to every word, and now I'm listening to relaxing super mario galaxy songs with rain sound effects in the background.
#Personal#i'm going to overshare in my tags and say that I have moved recently. It's a weird life. I've made lots of friends! But we're not that clos#and I'm going to be very busy this summer. I just. I hope that I can enjoy my time here and make my life one that I enjoy#I really want to watch dunmeshi on my laptop or on the big screen or something while I'm here. That would be so cool#I guess this job is better than working at Tarbucks... but... I can't help but feel nostalgic. You know?#I guess I have to take what life throws at me. Right now- nostalgia and homesickness. I mis my old friends. I can't believe it#I've always been so distant from my friends. But they always consistently make an effort to reach out and catch up. And invite me to things#I love them all so much and I'm so sad now wahhh#rant#I'm going to text one of my friends now#I hope you all are doing well <3
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what if i made poasts on my own damn blog.. haha just kidding....... unless?
#i'm just afraid that if i start posting my own shit i'll like overshare way way too much and instantly doxx myself lmfao#i mean i'm not anyone important but like. my sense of security you know. although. i guess i talk in the tags all the time hmmm#anyway i just came home from working out and now i'm going to eat as many boiled eggs as i can#i've heard carbs are a better post-workout snack but like...#well i mean i could really go for pancakes ngl..........but it IS the middle of the night. slash early morning and i shouldn't be noisy#i am trying 2 be proud of myself for working out! i am keeping a habit. very poorly and inconsistently. but i AM doing it!!!#off my own accord no less!#more self-directed than i have ever been in my life tbh#anyway fuck it we ball it's pancake time my dad can deal with noise. he only has to put up w me til the end of the summer anyway
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putting the lil "Japanese 80s City Pop Songs" playlist to destroy my morning executive dysfunction because the vibes are immaculate and it feels like you're in those domestic movies where you see the characters living their little routine in their house and so you're just mimicking the energy
Also it cures depression, i forgor world is a fuck and i'm going to be so happy while filling paperworks ✨
#nano.txt#also i 'binged watched' (as much as my ADHD college student ass can binge watch) All Saints Street and ough...#i love it so muuuuch but i can't even ramble about it#my gf wants to see it so i can't spoil too much#my bestie is hesitating bc it contains some stuff that might trigger them#and i feel self-conscious about rambling about it on the server bc i fear they might not really like (dumb i know)#(but i keep connecting at times when there's noone for several hours so i just. delete stuff. when i get no feedbacks/reactions smh 🤡)#good god i do have attachement issues i think 🤡🤡🤡 oversharing and rsd is a fucked up mix 🤡🤡🤡#am i the problem or is it again bc of my kinda neglecting parents that im oversharing to get attention but then feels bad when#i have nothing in return or isolation or a silent treatment ? Who knows#adhd or trauma let's guess 🤡#...ok it turned into a rant in the tags fuuuuuuuuuck#but it made me realised things lol#vent#yeah...#smh word put in quotes gets deleted
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i’m up. sighh
#venty tags beware i guess#i’m so exhausted but i got like 8 hrs of sleep already#i hate chronic fatigue it’s so fucking annoying#my head hurts. my eyes hurt to move around. my whole body hurts already I’ve been up for Ten MInutes.#i amNot having a good day#sorry tumblr probably oversharing but 😞😞👎👎#god damn i am so fucking tired of this idk how much longer i can deal w this.#but whatever it’s either keep going or kms so 😁 maybe it’ll get me before i get the chance. hope so!!#usually in the morning i have some sort of will to start my day. like make tea and sit om tje porch or somethinb but Nooooo#my fingers and wrists hurt too fucking bad to hold a CUP#and my mom’s not home so i can’t ask for help#my father is but like. last time i talked to him he punched the wall right next to me ☹️ so kinda don’t want to do that.#plus he thinks i’m faking all this shit. sighhjh whatever#i might just lay back down#dies
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I can’t even talk I have a Best Friend I’m in Love With™ voice and only recently did I become consciously aware of it
#do we know that Mike is conscious he has a will voice#I seriously don’t remember#I became aware of mine when I realized how I talk to her differently than my friends#and also just the nights I would spend obsessively thinking about her like (this isn’t normal it’s not normal to think about some this much)#dear reader this is what is commonly referred to as a crush#but I was convinced I was actually secretly jealous of her for *garbage disposal levels of incoherent* reason#actual thought process goes as follows:#brain: u think about her so much u must be jealous of her#me: yeah i guess I must be#but why am I jealous of her I really like her#brain: because she’s prettier than you and that means guys like her more#me: right right I’m following#so I want guys to like me! I want to be liked by guys#brain: wait what Ew no. can you imagine how much work that would be to get them to stop that would be INSANITY to wish that on urself#me: but ur right she’s so pretty (just……soprettylikehaveyouseenher???) i MUST be jealous of her (god I’m a terrible friend who would do this#to someone they supposedly cared enough about to be such close friends with. wtf im so evil)#brain: ur right. ur a terrible person and a terrible friend but if you tell her any of this she’ll think you’re a freak and then you’ll lose#her for real and she’ll probably be fine with it while you’ll be devastated#anyways (: it’s time to wake up sweetie (: /fin#look who’s oversharing in the tags again#personal posting#it’s really so funny how I can just recite this thought process almost automatically#it would happen ALL the time#anyways Ofc the real tea is I was actually jealous of her bfs/ guys who could confidently say they were attracted to her without shame and#the urge to fling themselves off the Brooklyn bridge#like it was so common for guys to be attracted to her it was just a given (to both of them tbh) and I went insane bcus I thought I was evil#when really I was just constantly enamored and going wow she’s so fucking hot#mind you this was happening pre 2015 so things were getting better but still not great (not gonna get into how things are now) but#let’s just say it was a joke that I was a lesbian before I ever ID’d for a reason and the joke was bcus lesbians are hot bcus men say so#anyways fuck high school fuck white cisheteropatriarchy and fucj internalized lesbo/homophobia. Godspeed and goodnight
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CURRENTLY ASK-ABLE: - Unpleasant - Infected (Plez oversees the questions, though.)
(Before cut is In-Character.)
Hiii! Helloooo!
Hello!!!!!! Hehe, thiz iz actually super weird trying to write an intro-- give me a minute.
So, HIII!!!!!!! I'm Unpleasant! That'z not a joke, that iz literally my name. There'z no "deep reason" behind it, it iz literally just what people refer to me az. But, if that'z too weird, I do also go by Unplez or Plez for short.
Uh, pronounz? I don't really care, actually. I don't have a set gender, I've never really met a gradient who doez. That being said, since I started hanging with Infected I have been called he and she specifically a lot... so if it'z easiest for you, just roll with the crowd.
Right, so... the blog. Thatz thiz blog, haha! Well, the easy answer iz I waz super bored, Infected can suck a huge ####, and I like talking about myself! But... I kind of suck at talking in general, so I guess I'll type and answer questionz about myself.
BUT KNOW MY BOUNDARIEZ BEFORE YOU ASK QUESTIONZ! 👇👇👇
(Below cut is Out-Of-Character.)
To those who know me: Good to see you're still stickin' with me! I promise I will make an effort to make this blog much less of a dumpster fire like the last one.
And to those who are only now coming across this blog: Hello! My name is Hex. You don't have to call me "Mod Hex", or anything, just "Hex" will do. I'm the only guy running this thing here. I'll talk more about myself soon, because oversharing is what I do best.
Blog-Context
So, if it wasn't obvious enough from the intro, this is an ask/rp blog for the Unpleasant Gradient from Regretevator, but specifically in the context of the plez-centric au I have created for him. Or, well, the "AU" in question is actually just some freaky amalgamation of all my fucked up headcanons, which means...
I AM NO LONGER DOING DIRECT BLOG ASSOCIATIONS! Really sorry about that, I love my friends with all my heart but if I wanna keep consistency, I'm gonna have to "write the story" on my own. However, I do want to give full credit to my friends @sk8tr1101 and @party-noob for some major concepts involving Unpleasant, especially Audrey who already has some awesome ideas herself. Go check them both out!
MAIN TAGS:
#unpl3zansw3rz - Asks
#unpl3zrambl3z - Non-ask related posts/reblogs
#unpl3zlor3 - Plot points and similar
#ooc - Out-of-character post
OTHER TAGS (to be updated):
(nothing yet, hehe)
Blog-Owner
So hiiii, I'm Hex. If I can be bothered, out-of-character posts will either have the #ooc tag, be in purple text, or be signed off with my name. I'd prefer if you refer to me using he/it pronouns, thnx!
I'd also like you all to keep in mind I am 17 years old, therefore a minor, and even if I wasn't 17 I do not appreciate NSFW/Explicit jokes towards me, ESPECIALLY if you don't know me. It's one thing when you're my very close friends or my partner, it's another thing when you are a stranger on the internet asking me things I should not have to answer.
My other accounts are: @hexexists - my main blog, if you receive notifications from this account, please know it is just me! @hexational - my regretevator blog @geometricgiovanni - a Jeremy ask/rp blog set in the same universe as this one! Please note, however, that in the context of this blog, Unpleasant is not aware of the blog nor would he like to be.
Ask/RP-Boundaries
Let's start off by reiterating that I AM NOT OKAY WITH NSFW/EXPLICIT ASKS IN ANY CAPACITY! Sick of getting them, they're repetitive and annoying. Asking safe-for-work questions involving Unpleasant's anatomy is one thing, but I am not responding to ANYTHING involving genetalia.
ALSO! I am very unlikely to respond to things that is either hard to make a unique drawing for or don't progress the story (unlocking "lore" and such). I'm watching your ass, Mango, I know what you like to do (/lh). Joke asks are still okay, you don't *have* to progress story, but please keep in mind my "criteria" for answering asks when sending them. A clean inbox gives me a clear mind. I do not like notifications.
Shipping content: Shipping content is okay, but I don't care much for romance personally and so will likely not play much into it. Please don't push anything, I guess, and nothing that promotes proshipping or any kind of literally illegal pairing. If you dislike any direction taken ship-wise for this blog, then block me and move on with your day.
Roleplaying: While I'd prefer to not be in direct contact with other rp blogs, I am totally cool with roleplaying side stories and stuff, interactions and such! Please keep in mind though, Unpleasant in this is not a very social person, so you're probably not going to get the reaction you want.
Also! I think OCs are super cool and am happy to respond/interact with them as well! However,
PLEASE DON'T SEND YOUR GRADIENT OCS TO THIS ACCOUNT IF YOU WANT ME TO DRAW THEM! Please instead send them to @hexational! A lot of people were sending me their Gradient ocs to the previous Unpleasant account, and as much as I love seeing Gradient ocs and Gradient sonas, I'd love to be able to draw them, and if you are just asking an opinion on them and not an in-character ask or a genuine question involving other gradients I'd much prefer you send them to the account previously tagged!
That's pretty much all I can think of! Sorry for the long post, I just have a lot to say hehe
Lots of love, - Hex
#unpl3zansw3rz#unpl3zrambl3z#ic#ooc#ask blog#regretevator unpleasant#regretevator ask blog#regretevator infected#unpleasant gradient
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tag game for @khaopybara !! thank you for thinking of me i needed the boost 💜
1. why did you choose your url?
my url is from ‘sol lucet omnibus’, a latin phrase that means the sun shines for everyone. a lot of my urls & usernames and whatnot are sun themed, so this is just another in a long line. for a while it was ‘solclaw’ while i was in a werewolf phase. but i dont plan to change it again
2. any sideblogs? name them and why you have them
ahhh…. the secret come out. i guess? i have two sideblogs. @jinjjayo is my kpop sideblog, which i have not advertised having so far but does exist. i also have @solref, which is just where i collect tutorials & other reference stuff.
3. how long have you been on tumblr?
not consecutively, i took breaks, but my first blog was made in 2011. :0 i’ve had three main blogs over the years.
4. do you have a queue tag?
i do! i don’t use it often but i tag things that are queued with ‘ghost post (queued)’
5. why did you start your blog in the first place?
the original one, i made because my cousin recommended it to me. we shall not speak of its url. this current one was made when i started seriously writing again (thank u rasmr <3)
6. why did you choose your icon?
i love ayluna. my babygirls. that’s all there is to it lol. im also quite fond of the lil stars i edited in
7. why did you choose your header?
i did a lot of work to edit the scene’s colors for my lfls episode series, so i wanted to keep that and use it for one more gif haha. also i love them terribly
8. what’s your post with the most notes?
it is currently this set of the 3wbf trio doing their puzzle piece hugs, at just over 1000 notes. 🥺 im happy they deserve it
9. how many mutuals do you have?
73! i know this because (and i am aware this is embarrassing) i keep a notes document of my mutuals with names & tracktags, so i counted manually. that is,,, thats a lot of you. i love you all very much 🥹🥹🥹
10. how many followers do you have?
i have just over 900 followers. ._. wild
11. how many people do you follow?
i follow 155 blogs. i try to keep the number down but there are simply so many beloveds.
12. have you ever made a shitpost?
sure lol. ive done textpost edits, and that disney only friends thing, and etc.
13. how often do you use tumblr each day?
i check at least once a day. usually more though
14. have you had a fight/argument with another blog?
noooo. i never have. i always just blocked people or we drifted apart. i love to block though
15. how do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ posts?
i think it’s counterintuitive. people don’t like being ordered around, so a lot of folks will instinctively scroll. then the ones you do get are often because of anxiety, so it feels cruel. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ just ask normally / say please reblog this
16. do you like tag games?
why ask this at #16 of a tag game lmao. yes of course. doesnt everyone love to overshare
17. do you like ask games?
yes very much. it always makes it feel more lively. i try to play when i have the time :>
18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?
ouuhh, mona @thitiponqs probably, hehe. all member of usergif and gay dot tumblr dot com and everything else. everyone should know mona u.u everyone is famous in my heart though.
19. do you have a crush on a mutual?
no! >< it isn’t personal. i don’t have crushes very often. certainly you are all very lovely and cool, and i’ve had mutuals follow me who i had to go scream into a pillow about after for sure, but. it is all quite platonic im afraid 2 say. would still be happy to make out though
20. tags?
i will try! i choose u @markpakin & @lamonnaie ✨
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Oversharing with 15 answers to 15 questions! I got tagged by @paeonia-horse
Are you named after anyone? Like my name name or my blog name? If it's my blog name, named myself Azuki Beans because... I like azuki beans.
When was the last time you cried? I mean, I cry a lot haha. Honestly anytime I watch Bluey. Just seeing a nice family makes me tear up.
Do you have kids? No, I also don't think I will in the future. Having a cat is good enough for me. :)
What sports do you play/have you played? Mmmm I've played a decent amount of sports growing up. Lets see, soccer, volleyball, baseball, and taekwondo.
Do you use sarcasm? I try not to, but it happens sometimes. Especially when I'm annoyed and I'm trying to hide it.
What is the first thing you notice about people? Whether they are a threat to me or not haha.
What is your eye color? brown I guess? not to sure
Scary movies or happy endings? I am terrified of scary movies. I am barely able to watch IT without freaking out. I like happy ending more. :)
Any talents? I can make minute rice in 59 seconds
Where were you born? I wasn't. I'm not even here.
What are your hobbies? Scribbling and sketching a bunch of things I won't post. As well as sometimes playing games with a friend.
Do you have any pets? Cat ^w^
How tall are you? I used to be short but I guess you still grow after highschool. I'm 5'8''
Favorite subject in school? I really REALLY enjoyed science and history.
Dream job? I don't have a dream job. The only dream I have is to live a nice life with my fiance.
Tagging @bexdrey @paranoia-in-pink @grim-shy @ariandano.We don't talk that much, but I see all of ya'll and I greatly appreciate all of ya! You don't have to do this if you don't want to!! I just didn't want to leave it blank and tag no one!
If you do chose to do this, remember to throw in some red herrings to confound any online identity thieves looking for identifiable information.
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Oversharing with 15 answers to 15 questions! Tagged by @paeonia-horse, thanks!
You know, some of these questions seem familiar. Maybe I answered this a while back? Maybe my answers will be different this time around.
Are you named after anyone? Yeah, I'm named after my great grandfather.
When was the last time you cried? Oooh jeez uh, I think there were probably a few moments here and there before the one I'm about to give where I teared up but I definitely cried at my best friend's brother's funeral just before Christmas.
Do you have kids? I don't but people ask me this often. Do I want kids? Not if it means having them with the life I'm currently living lmao.
What sports do you play/have you played? Willingly? Ah, I never really got in any particular sport. I've enjoyed casual running, and played squash with friends.
Do you use sarcasm? Not as much as I used to. It's started to feel mean, and also ineffective when sarcasm can't be read by certain people.
What is the first thing you notice about people? Face and friendliness?
What is your eye color? The colour of dry dirt.
Scary movies or happy endings? Are you trying to ask me if I prefer tragedy or comedy? The more optimistic one I suppose.
Any talents? I'm very good at flipping coins. Round and round it goes, how it lands? Nobody knows!
Where were you born? What are you? A security question? Anyway, I was born in the land of Mordor in the fires of Mount Doom, where the dark lord Sauron forged me in secret. And into me he poured his cruelty, his malice, and his will to dominate all life.
What are your hobbies? Analyzing stuff as the brain goblins take over. Activism, I guess. Fantasizing about the creative projects I could do if I had the time or resources (Damn I even stopped playing video games in the past year). Also repairing whatever I can repair around the house. I spent two afternoons hyperfixating on getting my dad's espresso machine to work. And it did!
Do you have any pets? Dad's got a dog I've been taking care of.
How tall are you? What are you, a cop? Or one of those height measuring things in Shoppers to record the heights of shoplifters? Somewhere between 5'6 and 5'10.
Favorite subject in school? Geography and environment. Lo' and behold I kept going with that lol.
Dream job? Hard to answer this one. If I were to think about it in terms of "What invigorates me", I'd come up short. Got perpetual burnout, so it's probably a symptom of other things that have to be addressed somehow.
Maybe in a system that doesn't push you to exhaustion as much as possible, I think I'd like to be a repairperson, partly cause of the aforementioned hyperfixations that occur when wanting to figure out how to fix stuff. Either that or barista, again, in an idyllic world that with few terrible customers and sufficient resources and staff.
Tagging @jameshoppy, @allyooops, @acryweaver, @marvelandponder, and @jade-mod!
As Paeonia said, if you do chose to do this, take care not to make yourself vulnerable to password stealing
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Oversharing on the Internet
Thank you for the tag @liminalmemories21 @welcometololaland @theghostofashton @lemonlyman-dotcom @alrightbuckaroo and @bonheur-cafe ❤️
Let's prefix this with another giant grumpy baby in a gurney picture 🥰
ONE: Are you named after anyone? If you believe my mum, no. But I think it’s Karl Marx. He named all of his daughters Jenny. In the 80s/early 90s, mums in their droves rushed to name their newborn daughters Jennifer. Therefore, I have deduced I am named for the clandestine Marxist revolution going on between second-wave boomer mums. My mum denies this. She gave me an incredulous look when I asked, which seemed over the top, and claimed to have "just liked the name..." I think the first rule of the 80s Marxist Mums Revolution was to not talk about it.
TWO: When was the last time you cried? I’m not much of a crier usually, but I cried last week when I signed my boss’ leaving card and read all the other messages people had written for her. She’s someone who has had a massive, positive impact on my life and I’m so sad that she’s going.
THREE: Do you have kids? No, and I never will. Sometimes this makes me sad, but most of the time it doesn’t.
FOUR: Do you use sarcasm a lot? I save it for best.
FIVE: What sports have you played/do you play? I don’t understand this question.
SIX: What’s the first thing you notice about people? What they’re wearing. I was once on a plane sitting close to a woman who wore the most fantastic, long, colourful coat. I was so fixated on the coat that I didn’t realise the woman was Thandie Newton until we were at Heathrow.
SEVEN: What’s your eye colour? An indeterminable grey-green-blue shade that changes depending on the light, what I’m wearing, and my mood.
EIGHT: Scary movies or happy endings? Happy endings.
NINE: Any special talents? I’m not good at anything other than creative writing. I truly am The Worst at all else. I understand it’s objective and people might disagree that I’m good at writing at all – but I mean, relative to everything else I do, it’s really all I’ve got.
TEN: Where were you born? Saaaaf London.
ELEVEN: What are your hobbies? Writing, reading, going for walks. I love movies and reading about the movies I've watched or watching video essays about them. I also really love going shopping tbh, but I don’t do it much for financial and moral reasons.
TWELVE: Do you have any pets? Alas, I am petless.
THIRTEEN: How tall are you? 5ft 7 with disproportionately long arms, to paint a picture.
FOURTEEN: Favourite subject in school? Drama and art. I’m lousy at art and got a D for A-level, but was given a special award from my school for the sheer amount of effort I put in. Hahaha god.
FIFTEEN: Dream job? Poet in the poetry world doing poetry things, I guess working at a university and winning the TS Eliot for my debut collection, sigh. I didn't have enough coin to stay in academia doing something so damn arty, but once upon a moonlit dream I had notions of going to the States to do an MFA. Anyway. Still sort of trying with the odds against me. Two publications last month and one upcoming though, yay!
I'm a bit late to this so if you've been tagged already please ignore or no pressure if you don't want to do this at all!!!: @heartstringsduet @cold-blooded-jelly-doughnut @irispurpurea @actuallysara @goodways @danieljradcliffe @lutavero @howlingsaturn @ladytessa74 (I meant to add you but just saw I didn't?!!!)
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ICON COMMISSIONS OPEN
0/20 slots taken
asks and reqs are always open p much. tags n other shit under the cut
hi . main is @karcatboy i overshare about my life and reblog homestuck over there. go check it out or not. idk. you can send asks over there too if you want
TAGS:
not art - not art. sometimes rbing shit from my main sometimes me just saying things sometimes polls usually by me
kat hs - homestuck
kat misc - miscellaneous art
kat doodles - doodles. yeah these tags are pretty straightforward
kat sona - my sona. sona as in kinsona i guess. just use that one if u wanna draw me idk i havent made a regular sona
kat ocs - my ocs. if u care <3
kat ask - asks. yeah
v— older tags i dont rlly use anymore but are still there i guess —v
kat hq - haikyuu
kat gi - genshin
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I was really not prepared to participate in an art show! I didn't have a bad time, I just had no idea what to expect, and also should have worn much more comfortable shoes.
I got there right on time for the members-only hour, earlier than almost anyone else. They gave me a name tag with a photo of my painting printed in the background. While it was still quiet, multiple members of the art org's staff pulled me aside to introduce themselves and...tell me what they thought of my painting, basically? Got some comments like "A lot of us really liked it" (great), "It might make some people uncomfortable, but it's memorable and intense and that's what makes art valuable" (thanks), "I know it's trite to say this but it is very visceral" (yeah!), and "the teens were in here the other day to judge the youth committee prize and you got a lot of sticky notes next to yours" (cool). I was mostly kind of uncomfortable, but I can see how this sort of thing could quickly become a person's personal cocaine.
An upbeat local media producer with deep mauve eye bags interviewed me and the artist whose painting was next to mine (she had painted a beautiful, slightly abstracted forest landscape of Falmouth, Maine). This was the part I was really unprepared for! Fortunately I've had to explain the painting to people a few times, since I worked on it during Open Hacks around other people...but this was a much artier crowd, and despite technically knowing how, I really don't want to talk about it like "I'm juxtaposing familiar objects with a transgressive concept to blah blah blah etc". He was like "man, my insurance won't approve shit, we gotta nationalize healthcare" which, so right.
The gallery quickly got extremely crowded and, because the sun was blasting in through the enormous picture windows, extremely hot. I wandered around looking at everything. My favorite works were "All Bagged Up", a 3d wall piece of pink expanding foam with bags of candy and toys tacked to it, "Self-Discipline #23", a pair of charcoal self-portraits of the artist wearing a bondage mask, and "Resilience", an mixed media painting with mesmerizing swirls of green and blue iridescent paint.
I had to take some daily meds at 6 and -- I swear this was not on purpose -- spilled all the fucking pills from my pill-shaped pill case onto the floor. On brand, I guess?
KC came partway through and brought me a big bundle of sweet-smelling lilacs from his workplace's backyard. <3
I met someone who recognized me from a FB group I'm in for fat people in the Boston area. She'd painted a self-portrait of her squeezing her waist extremely tightly with a leather belt. She asked to hang out (!) and followed me on Instagram. I followed her back. She has 25k followers and I'm a little intimidated.
Several people found me to say they found my painting relatable, which was nice. One woman told me about her chronic pain and told me, sounding a bit constricted in her throat, that she wished more people would talk about and make art about this stuff. I am really used to people oversharing about very personal topics in the tags on my posts, but it's another thing entirely to experience someone's response to your thoughts or art IRL. Unlike Tumblr, though, nobody said anything unkind to my face!
My feet got so sore. I was so sweaty. I got an honorable mention from the Youth Committee of tweens and teens. Fat positive belt lady got the Youth Committee prize. We...hugged about it?
I felt somewhat out of my depth -- some of the artists priced a lot higher than I would be comfortable charging, some of the art was much more technically advanced than mine, and some of the artists' statements were much more, uh, Art School. I feel I did not schmooze very effectively. But I would try doing this again!
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oh my god i was just hit by the loneliness beam
i miss having fandom friends and tagging people in things and seeing millions of posts regarding shows and movies and games i don't care about but like... affectionately... i think i might have accidentally gotten too comfortable with isolation and #doingme that i realize i really don't talk to much of anyone and i'm very alone and it's probably not healthy. i don't even so much as follow many people at all
but also how are you supposed to like, go back to that? i guess? like the innocence, you know, lol. because i was much younger then with more free time and i didn't hate, generally, half as much as i do now. maybe not even a quarter as much lol AAAHHH. i just want to be goofy and silly but everything's so serious and impossible now. ugh. and i feel like deep down, i don't want to be "okay" with it. all the good times were so fleeting. they all died before i even really got to know them and now i'm saddled with distrust and the mechanisms that i think will protect me... like, i don't talk to straight girls if i can help it, i'll never get close with them because they're all drama and maletalk, but when i was younger and when they were younger it was ok because boys then were just fictional characters or celebrities, not an actual physical presence laying in their bed who caused them anguish 24/7 in every manner imaginable, prompting them to revolve their entire lives around 1. the source of that anguish (the guy) and 2. complaining about the source of that anguish (the guy). i'm not interested in that!!
like i miss being STUPID ONLINE instead of SO FUCKING SERIOUS!!!!!! we used to tag each otheras anime characters and we used to have about pages with little pixel families all linking to each other, and half the links would be broken because people changed their urls too frequently, and we used to make a billion posts and reblog them back and forth, annoying the fuck out of our uninvolved followers, referencing inside jokes, oversharing, being weird, being stupid, being 14 years old
and it's all gone and it's DEAD AND IT COULD NEVER BE CREATED EVER AGAIN. because i'm different now, man. i'm just not the same. no one is. the only people i feel safe with are other real lesbians who aren't going to subject me to the Torture. like i don't have to sigh and nod my head and watch them construct the bars of their own prison, knowing that if i dare speak up they'll get mad at me. maybe back then when i was 14 i was OK with what few instances of heterosexuality i was exposed to, because it was novel. because it wasn't so tired and trite and overplayed. and because none of it was as real as it is now, yknow... fuck my life
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oh i have been tagged in a thing. ty @yugonostalgia2019. time to overshare
3 ships: Hmmmm ok I gotta list Taylor x Lisa, their dynamic makes me go absolutely feral without fail. Honestly I don't even need them as a ship I just love how horrible and amazing they are for each other. I am limiting myself to one Worm ship here, despite how much it pains me, but I shall provide brief descriptions for the other ships for the people who don't know the non-worm stuff here. Marina x Pearl from Splatoon are so damn cute and I adore them. Nepotism baby punk soundcloud rapper x runaway genius former child soldier military engineer is honestly just 10/10, and they're just so good! I swear to god if the DLC doesn't have a 20 minute cutscene of lesbian cephalopod kissing I'll riot. Splatoon is my biggest fandom besides Worm which is kind of hilarious to me considering the sharp difference in tone. Third ship... hmmm, The Doctor x River Song. I just think it's genuinely such a sweet concept and wonderfully executed, two time travelers who are in love but keep meeting each other in the wrong order so their experiences and knowledge of the other don't match up is tragic and great and I nearly cried at their final episode. Honestly just been a River Song fan forever too, she's eternally my transition goals.
First ever ship: Ohhhhh gosh this one is lame. Back when I was a wee lass in middle school browsing FF.net endlessly, my main fandoms were Pokemon and Super Smash Bros. I flat out didn't realize that you could ship anything except a man and a woman because like, no one told me, and I kinda was just not a fan of romance because I thought it was always forced in stories (I was right about that tho). But then I read a Smash Bros fanfic that had Lucina and Palutena shipped and I was just like... damn, women can kiss? That sounds so cool. Shame I can never do that. And so I read the shockingly large number of fics shipping those two because it was the only wlw ship I knew existed.
Last song: I don't actually listen to music that much. Last song is uhhh... the Monster Sanctuary PVP Theme I guess due to playing Monster Sanctuary PVP. If we're talking actual music, I think my sister forced me to listen to some Taylor Swift song recently? Idk what it was but I think the album was called 1984.
Last movie: I also don't watch movies much! Uhhhhhhhhh I think it was Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No. Might have been a different one? The Sharknado movie that ends with them crashing down to Earth inside of a shark after fighting them off from a satellite and one of the characters gives birth while coming down inside the shark and the baby cuts its way out with a chainsaw before the mom gets crushed by falling debris. Sorry for spoiling, I know everyone was really looking forward to watching Sharknado 3.
Currently reading: Making my way through the Snapshots series of Splatoon fics which are so fucking good. For published stories though, Sir Gawain and the Green Knight for a class. Thinking about rereading Worm and posting about it but I gotta beat the Lakesbian copy allegations.
Currently watching: I'm don't really watch anything when I'm on my own, I prefer to read in almost all situations. When I go home though, I watch One Piece with my sister because it is nice to spend time with her and she's very passionate about the show.
Currently consuming: Nerds Gummy Clusters. I regret every bite but I bought this shitty bag of candy so I gotta finish it. Fuck these are terrible.
Currently craving: Mini Chewy Sweettarts. They're my favorite candy and I have a massive sweet tooth so I've been craving them, but I swear every single damn store in a mile radius stopped stocking them and is now selling "Sweettart gummies" or "Sweettart chewy fusions" or "Sweettart ropes" or "Sweettart rope bites" and that is not what I desire! Where is my delicious mouth hurting candy ;-;
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Hi everyone,
This October (2023) I'm doing Girl Month! And I thought tumblr might appreciate the content lol.
Im a cis-ish het-ish guy and I'm taking this opportunity to experiment with my gender and also just have some fun! Actually to be more specific I have a couple of goals:
Work out if I'm trans! I mostly think im not, but sometimes I wonder...
A friend who will remain anonymous highly recommended the nipple sensitivity you can get from E, and that actually sounds so much fun
Honestly in general im curious about the effects of E and it sounds fun
Girls are hot. Ergo, being a girl is hot.
F1nn5ster is controversial, for both valid and invalid reasons imo, but all I know is that when I watch clips of him and his GF i'm like "damn that guys living the dream"
And of course, to have fun
The Parameters:
For the duration of October I will go by a girl name, either "October" or "Charlotte" and She/Her pronouns.
I'm going Op shopping today for girl clothes, which I will wear fulltime (or as much as possible).
I will be taking estrogen daily, supplied by my transfem housemates. I may also try T blockers but we'll see, apparently they can fuck you up a bit.
I'm getting waxed- at least my arms, legs and chest, possibly a full brazilian
In terms of makeup, I already paint my nails but I'm also planning to try out lipstick and mascara at least. Also planning to dye a purple streak in my hair.
The following exceptions apply:
Obviously, I can stop at any time, and will if this starts severely impacting my mental or physical health or social life. I'm going to specifically check up on myself at the end of every week to make sure I'm doing okay.
I will be Boymoding for my parents, my work and associated work events, for obvious reasons. Otherwise I will maintain girlmode in public and among friends. My cis-het friend groups might be a bit weirded out but fuckem they can deal
Uuuh Estrogen will be delayed until Wednesday bc i have a blood test.
I also have the following Girl Month Sidequests- bonus tasks I'm hoping to complete this month:
Have hot girl sex with a girl
Have hot sex with a guy
Have hot sex with a trans person
If you're interested in following my journey and are 18+, I'd love to have you along! I'll be posting updates, thoughts, feelings and face-censored selfies!
Please only 18+ though- while this isnt planned to be a p0rn blog or anything (and jfc i hate that I need to use TikTok speak on tumblr) I am planning to overshare about some NSFT stuff. If you're overage but don't want to see that make sure to block the tag "#girl month nsft".
My askbox is also open to all :)
Uuh I also want to close by saying that while I'm probably(?) not trans and just having fun, obviously I fully support Trans Rights. Trans women are women, trans men are men, enbies are super valid, y'all are all really cool and this event isn't meant to mock, appropriate or invalidate y'all. Terfs DNI.
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