#i gues thats everything

[wegaswarm]

thanks pillar chase server for giving me most of these characterss.s

hopefully higher quality closeups under cut

[clownsnake]

dokja doing his best time and time again to help junghyeok with regressor depression…. I see the sauce being cooked here

[dinopant]

my glasses finally came in and the fucking punch to the face of having to accept just how blurry things are without them on...this sucks man..

[watch-out-it-bites]

[southislandwren]

Agghhhhhhh sorry for boy posting again but today I learned he was a theater kid AND played trumpet in high school. Everything I learn about him makes me a little more down bad for him.

also edited to add so i dont spam posts again tonight. but today was fucking nuts. i worked for 2.5 hours and i was like holding myself up with equipment and trash cans and trying not to fall asleep or throw up. and then all that stuff happened with my food eng exam and i hung out with my two friends for like 4 hours and got a job and yeah. wacky day. i was nauseous the whole time and barely awake but good day

[bucket-of-amethyst]

Gonna send grian an email about how his episodes made me really miss whe i just played minecraft to fish for hours on my first ever long term world. So i made a new single player word to fool around and be silly, and eventually stopped to fish

this is everything i have fished so far

i have fished a grand total of 52 times. thats my first book can u g

gue

guess what the book i s

[chestnutracc]

I hate how some people after season 2 are just putting hate on Aziraphale. I mean, he in fact, left the Crowley, but he had his own reasons as well, didn't he? Aziraphale have a very compliceted relationship with heaven but he is in fact an angel and he want to belong there OAAAAAHHHHH—

Quick frame from animatic, u can find it on my instagram for example :) chestnut.racc (quick self advertisment haha)

Anyway, those kind of videos where people are insulting Aziraphale or smth like 'me after s2' and the video of taking of his face or covering them all on some kind of placats. I'm shittin myself. I know that thats grief after the ending but... Man his whole life or more like existance is not ONLY about Crowley in fact :/

Look how we get a chance to speculate why did he do that? What was his reasons? I think that the ending of Good Omens was (not only just marketing catch (that dramatic pause for a kiss and 'betrayal') but also a planned procedure? I love them both [Aziraphale and Crowley] equally so you shouldn't think this is a desperate attempt to protect your favorite (wha de duck I am saying, this series have a few months now so it is not a fresh topic... For me it is oh goddd ANYWAY)

Alr, here is another image so you won't go so quickly and read all that shit or not

Hkhm... Let me give yall a wholeass essay in my second language.

Kidding! Not so extreme. Haha. Anyway. Those are the possibilities why Aziraphale decided that he should leave to heaven. Of course, there could be a few. Or everything. Or none. It's just my personal opinion :)

Again, assumptions, personal opinion, don't want to offend anyone. Thing up⬆️ that's the part where you can argue with me, debate maybe. Whatever. Thing down, I gues bunch of headcanonc? I don't know, they are theories? You can as well say what you think!!⬇️

Goosh, sorry for the mess. Lets start already. Yeah. Uh. Right. Right. Alright. Why Aziraphale chose heaven?

1. Aziraphale overall is an angel... Literally... So uhm he is naturally connected with God, wich he as well worships. He don't have to stand with heaven, but he still has a deep bond with good. Leaving the heaven would be, right, a great decision for his wellbeing. It's clear that he's not on their side. But he did not left his God. Saying 'no' to Megatron would be something that would make him feel terribly guilty and overall devasted, as he would disobey his own moral code and he would gave up a part of himself, I suppose.

2. For 6,000 fuckinf years he had been arguing with himself about feeling for Crowley, right now doesn't matter if platonic, romantic. He was renouncing Crowley so many times that he don't know him, he's not his friend. Yet he could not resist, but be with that redhead. Don't you think that he was having some, oh I don't know, moral crisis? Imagine choosing between two most importanr things? The creature you love and, for Azi, a literall purpose of creation - serving God? Oh man, he was in this state for over 6,000 years. If he would say 'no' then, would he ever get another chance like that to habilitate? He was working so hard, for so long, but he didn't had to chose through all those centuries. Now he had. I guess it's logical, that he choosed his creator.

3. Clear and logical! If Crowley would be back to heaven, he wouldn't have to choose between two thing he loves. Ah you clever one :). Nah. He literally said that he wants to work with Crowley. What can I say more.

4. Obvioulsy, he did not wanted to chose what we know of we SHOULD from serial. And pervious point... And previous previous. It felt like he had been lost or something in it all. I mean, he needed to choose if he wants to take Crowley, if he wants to go back. He was rhinking about the kiss, probably about heaven, what would they say, what would they do. To him, to Crowley. What he should say to Megatron. I suppose he was impetuous with that decision. Imagine lying (he is a damn angel whaaa) to yourself for thousands of years and then just having to confess. Nah, he would like better to stay silent and still lie 🙂 oh god why he is so stupid. Crowley is also stupid. They both are!!!

5. He was mad. Similisr to previous point. He felt like he did not belong with Crowley, as he was devasted. And also Crowley ignored him as well, as Azi ignored Crowley. But i want to focus on thing that he said that he NEEDS him and begged to not to leave him. Easy peasy. No communication between those doveys.

6. He was afraid of loving Crowley as - what would heaven say? What would god say? Will they be happy? Will they be safe? Is it really possible for them to be together? Demon and angel?

7. He considered himself as a failure for Crowley 👍 after he said yes, when Crowley was always saying no.

8. He was afraid of the consequences refusing heaven. Like, he literally was making out with devil, then went o heaven, hell's fire couldn't kill 'him' (ik it was crowley but not for heaven), he was hiding Gabriel, he did not cooperated with heaven. There were a few times when he sinned... A lot. Uhm. Well,I DO have a reason to suppose this could have been some kind of test or something... Because what the hell? From archangel, later no one, then back to the archangel?

Aug! Sorry, long post. Rage hit me. I'm going to sleep now, goodnight :)

[fandomfuntimem]

Cain and Able

I mentioned in an earlier post that I though Cain in the story of Cain and Able was "on some level, justified" and frankly I misworded it, and my reasoning at the time was wrong.

When I said "Justified" what I really ment was I could see why and how it happened, and that I pittied Cain. I thought Cain didn't intend on killing Able, he threw the rock and Able died. No human had ever died before that point, and they only ever killed livestock, so Cain couldn't have known that would kill Able.

But my mom corrected me by looking it up. In the Catholic version (I am Roman Catholic, so thats unfortunately my only frame of refference.) The devil whispered to Cain and encouraged him to kill Able. Cain and Able fought, and Cain beat Able to death.

But that got me thinking. First of all, I whent to bible school for eight years and not once did they say that happened. Hell not even the church ever said that that was what happened. So, y'know, eather they never cared to say it, or my mom lied (good chance tbh, she doesn't like blasphemy).

Second: THAT ENTIRE SITUATION, WAS GOD'S FAULT! For centuries the church has pushed this idea that God loves all his creations equally, that it pains him to see sinners in hell. But Cain and Able? That was his fault.

Reasoning:

So, the devil pushed Cain to kill. Got in his head, fed on his jealousy, and whispered in his ear. Yeah ok usual bible stuff. The bible also pushes the idea that a strong faith in God is a good way to push the Devil out. Also, jealousy is a natural emotion, but something has to trigger it.

God picked favorites. The great being, that Cain and Able were probably both told is full of love, and wrath, picked favorites. God ignored the amount of effort BOTH brothers put into their offerings. He picked Able over Cain, and Cain was hurt. Cain lost his faith. Because he was told this was a loving and fair being, but this "fair" being picked favorites. He was lied to.

This doubt, and jealousy, was planted by God's blatant favoritism. Allowing the Devil entry into Cain's heart.

Then, when Cain had realised what he had done, God came back questioning where Able was, and Cain lied. What else could he do? This is THE being, the ultimate force of everything, it created his parents, banished them from the garden, and now Cain was facing it down after committing a horrific act. Frankly, Cain was probably pissing himself. God probably already knew what happened. (That, or this story proves God is not omnipotent.) Cain lied, because what else could he do? It was that, or admit to God, and himself, that he killed his brother.

I just feel bad for him. That entire situation wouldn't have happened if God didn't pick favorites. If God stuck to his teachings and loved and cared equally.

I'm not saying Cain was justified, or that he shouldn't have been punished. I'm just saying that its tragic. I gues a large chunk of my reason for feeling bad for Cain is that I kinda get it? Y'know, being raised Catholic and all, but slowly learning that the God you follow isn't the fair and loving being you were told he was. He's just cruel, and so are his people.

Side note: my mom said "well, God just happened to like one offering more than the other," and that statement just urked me. That implies God can decide if he likes one person more than the other, two people on equal ground, similer lives, but one can be far more blessed than the other because God "just happened to like one more than the other." Thats bullshit for the ideas the church preaches.

[yourmomni]

RIVALS -Chapter 2

I rolled over in my bed and grabbed my phone trying to look at the time. i gasped " SHIT GUYS GET UP WERE LATE" i screamed. Minyoung fell out of bed groaning while everyone else popped up. "IT 5AM WE HAVE AN HOUR BEFORE TAKE OFF." we all rushed out of bed tripping over minyoung and eachother trying to make it to the bathroom to get ready. "Where's my neck pillow." areum yelled from the living room. "I cant find my other croc, Minyoung did you wear my shoes again." i screamed. "omg i cant believe we slept through 7 alarms whats wrong with us."

A flashback played in my mind from last night. we were all up sitting in circle with a jeju island plampet out circiling all the activities we wanted to do. "oh lets go for a hike, i heard the sun rise from mount hallasan is beautiful." jiwoo cirlced the trail on the pamplet, i shrugged drink what was left in my soda can. "sure i gues. ohhh what if we go to a museum?" i asked pointing at a picture of a big brown building. Minyoung gagged. "ew learning on a trip i dont think so if i wanted to learn i would of went to school." i smacked her with a pillow. " the museum sounds fine y/n, i was thinking we could maybe go fruit picking, my uncle has a farm down there and i know he would love some help on it it'll be fun." Areum scoffed "yeah no me and dirt dont mix but ill wave from the patio." we laughed. I got up and walked to the kitchen throwing away my can

then sun went down hours ago but it was still hot and humid outside. Spring was just around the corner and it was already feeling like summer. i glanced at the memeber seeing them joking and laughing at eachothers ideas. It brought me back to when i first moved to korean in 2018 not knowing anyone and being to scared to talk, until i met them.

I just joined our company and was staying in the company dorms in a room with 7 other girls. They we loud and annoying and were always leaving me to clean up their mess.I was to shy to tell them off, thinking that if i did it enought maybe one day they would just leave me alone. On the day before evaluations and dorm checks I only cleaned up my side of the dorm leaving theirs the way it was. When the inspecter came by and graded us he yelled at them for having such a messy arean and praised me for being so organized. After the evaluation the girls yelled at me for "making them look bad" and not cleaning thier side. " I bet you did that on purpose you want me to leave your so selfish." she threw he towel at my face. My dads words repeating in my head over and over "Never let them get a reaction out of you." i stared down at the towel that ws thrown at me and picked itup putting it in the dirty hamper. " Hello are you deaf im fucking talking to you." i jumped at her words. " its not my fault you didnt clean up your mess im not your maid." i said gritting my teeth, trying hard not to sound how i felt.small. she scoffed at my answer. " in korean culture the youngest always cleans up after the older memebers thats just how it is." she grabbed the clothes and empty noddle containers and placed it on my bed. My eyes widend. "now clean." My hands began shaking and my heart was racing. Confrontations were never my strong suit. everyone was now standing around us watching the argument go down. I slowly walked to my bed and began taking everything off of it. She started laughing and so did a couple of other girls. A tear slipped from my eyes and quickly whipped it away. When i reacher for a noddle container someone grabbed my wrist.

"what the hell is going on here."

I looked up at the voice and a girl with long wavy brown hair and basketball shorts was standing infront of me blocking my veiw.

"nothing nani were just teaching the new girl some korean costums." i bit my lip looking down and contiued taking everythign off my bed and into the trash. She turned towards me again and grabbed my hand locking them into hers. "clean up your own mess sejin this isnt the villa." my eyes widded as long as ive been here ive never heard anyone stand up to Sejin. "Shes not your maid and she sure as hell isnt going to keep cleaning up after you and your rat tails." the girls beside sejin gasped holding their ponytails. She swipped all of sejins stuff of my bed and began throwing her clothes out the window. Sejin screamed grabbing Lanani's arms. i grabbed nani an tried to pull her off of sejin

I smirked at the memory. Remembering how i made my first friend during my trainee days after Nani, jennifer came to our company,then kazumi and so on. Minyoung was the last to join us as we became one group. Looking out for eachother and taking care of one another. Building up eachothers confidence. We we basically a family.

I was brought back to reality when i saw minyoung drifting off to sleep leaning on the couch grasping her her phone in one had and a fry in the other. I smiled "Okay lets wrap thing up its almost 2am and we have a flight to catch in 4 hours lets all get some rest." Jenn said picking up the scattered soda cans and takeout boxes. "ok but lets all put a alarm on our phones so we wake up on time." kazumi added. we nodded and all pulled out our phones " with this amny alarms we cant be late to the flight hell we might even be early for a chance." Sena joked. we laughed and made our way to bed. Flashback to now we were running in the airport to our flight. "Guys i really have to pee." Minyoung whinned. we all yelled about how she could use it on the plane " Gate Number 5 For jeju will be closing in 5 minutes." the voice echoed on the intercom. "WERE NOT GONNA MAKE IT." Areum cried slowing down. I grabbed her hand and contiued to run "guys look i see 5." Nani screamed. we all zoomed to the gate making it just in time before the flight attendent closed the door. we presented our tickets to her and we walked to our seats.

I sat down in my seat and relaxed my body exhaling out of my mouth recling the seat back. "first class is the best class." Areum slumped beside me pulling down her privacy window putting her eye mask on i nodded. "tell me about it." The next hour went by really fast only allowing me to get only 20 minutes of sleep. We landed and i was the first one off than plan, i was too excited for our day of fun to start that i totally forgot about my friends. "Y/N slow down girl were gonnaa be here for a month your not going to miss anything." sena said counting us one by one making sure she didnt forget one of us. " we cant have a repeat of last year in italy."

Minyoung frowned. "i swear that lady looked just like kazumi how was i supposeto know she wasnt, and you guys eventually found me." Nani scoffed. "um yeah like 4 hours later." we grabbed our bags at baggage claim and mde our way out of the airport. A sign that had our groups name on it was being held up by a small man waving it aroud frantically. "halabeoji" areum squeaked running to the guy who i now recongnized as areums grandpa. "hi my love, welcome to jeju hopefully the flight was comfortable." she kissed his cheek and moved out of the way so we could talk to him

"Oh my girls you've aall gotten so big." we smiled and hugged him. "halabeoji its been so long." i said smiling at him "i almost couldnt recognize you, you look so much smaller." he blushed. "aw you girls make me feel young everytime i see you." he helped load our luguage into the trunk of the car and we were on our way to the house. "you girls are gonna love the house, when areum was young she would spent hours in the play room. Oh i also stocked up the fridge for you girls so dont worry about any shopping." we all thanked him.

we made it to the house and un loaded te car. "wow this house is beautiful." I said looking at the beautiful lake house in front of me. " Y/n omg they have jet ski's" minyoung squealed from the side of the house. She appeared smiling now running all the way to the back. " They have a speed boat." She screamed. I smiled and helped carry the rest of the bags in the house.

Areums grandpa bid us Fairweather immediately after saying he had a business call to take and he'll be back at the end of the week. We waved bye to him and went to see our rooms.

"OK guys welcome to the Parks summer home in jeju." Areum announced making us laugh. "So there are only 6 bedrooms-" "SIX" We said collectively. "Yes six and 4 bathrooms, we also have a game room, indoor pool, movie room, and a upstairs balcony. So please enjoy your time here and remember your break you buy." We laughed at her finishing sentence and clapped.

"OK so who's sharing a room?" Kazumi asked already heading to a room. We looked at eachother and ran upstairs to the rooms. I ran for the first door but sena beat me to it closing the door yelling a sorry after. Areum was fighting minyoung over a room saying it's always been hers. I ran for the 3rd door throwing my stuff in and closing it resting my back on it signing in triumph. "Fancy seeing you here." My eyes shot open seeing jiwoo sitting on the bed smirking at me. "Shit." She laughed." Dont worry I bought face mask."

I shrugged and we opened the door to see the set up. Minyoung and kazumi were sharing a room while the others got their own.

I headed downbstairs to check our food choices and started pulling out some food to put on the grill." Um I don't see any ramen in here." Jiwoo was looking through the cupboards and drawers. "Damnit maybe we do have to go to the store." I closed the fridge putting everything I took out to the side so I can wash the meat. "NO we don't our neighbors are really n8ce maybe they have some extra ramen laying around I'll take minyoung and go ask." Areum slipped on her shoes. "Wow our Sophia is so amazing." We clapped and she blushed." OH stop it."

Areum and minyoung walked to the neighbors house that was just down the drive way. "So are you excited for everything." Areum asked minyoung. She nodded smiling " yeah I really need this break I'm super excited to go to the aquarium and to see all the museums hopefully this trip is going to be amazing." We walked up the neighbors drive way and areum stopped

"Well that's weird." She tilted her head. "When did they get a van. We lookedbat eachother and minyoung shrugged. " maybe they have company." We walked to the door and areum ringed the door bell. We waited then heard feet patrering ." Sunoo I got it." We looked at eachother. " Sunoo." She mouthed at areum. Their eyes were turning big. The door opened and Jay was standing there

Minyoung gasped he smirked. "OH hello ladies how may I help you." Behind him you could see the other boys throwing things. " Nevver mind have a good day." Areum grabbed my hand and we ran down the hill. " SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT."

[polygamousfistingchaos]

i never have been impersonated on annon before so i gues its a first time for everything /lh

(also was dabating on coming of of annon but it still gives me a bit to much anxiety to do that, so im just hopping that fake solaris wont come back)- solaris

yeah thats. so weird idek why someone would impersonate you????😭 fucking sillies in my inbox

and thats totally fine, no pressure ever it all chill. their tone and vibe was completely different so ill watch out for that

[rillils]

RILLLSSSSSSS OH MY GOD IM GOING FUCKING INSANE 😭 THIS IS GONNA BE LONG OH MY GOD 😭😭

OK SO MY SCHOOL HAS THESE FIELD TRIPS EVERY YEAR AND GOT CANCELED BC OF COVID (this is our first time back face to face, so weve had online classese for almost 3 years now) AND THEY STILL HAVENT BROUGHT IT BACK

SO HIM BEING PART OF THE STUDENT COUNCIL AND ALL, I ASKED HIM TO ASK THE PRINCIPAL IF THEY COULD BRING BACK FIELD TRIPS AND WERE STILL WAITING FOR THEIR REPLY AND OH MY GOD

FOR THE PAST 4 HOURS WE HAVE BEEN FANTASIZING ABT GOING ON AN AMUSEMENT PARK DATE

and rillssssss 😭😭😭

im gonna go insane oh my god 💞💞💞💞

SO HERES HOW WE THOUGHT ITLL GO:

-we meet at school bc thats where all the busses are to go to the amusement park (keep in mind that we dont even know if this idea will get accepted) and this time there wont be any supervisors with us just teachers (bc yay im a highschool student now 😗) anyways

-and wed sit at the back of the bus (each class has their own bus, so hed ask if he could stay at my bus instead, if they dont allow it then wed both go to the bus for the people who are late)

-wed watch movies and share earphones and id lean my head on his shoulder and hed cover me with his jacket (HE SAID THAT ID GET TO KEEP IT OH MY GOD 🥹🥹🥹) if i get cold because i said that ill wear a dress that looked similar but way shorter than the one i was wearing in that picture i sent him (when he called me an angel when i was wearing a wedding gown i wore for my aunt's wedding)

-wed hold hands the whole time and id pull him around to go ride all the rides (nobody knows abt us dating just that one friend, we dont care who'll see anymore, nows are only chance to go on an amusement park date, well if it gets accepted that is)

-and hed hug me from the back (weve never hugged yet nor have we held hands) while we wait in line for the ride

-HE SAID HED GIVE ME PRINCESS TREATMENT RILLSSSSS

LIKE FULL ON PRINCESS TREATMENT, THIS WAS WHAT HE SAID TO ME EXACTLY THIS AND RILLSSSSSSS YOU DONT UNDERSTAND HOW MUCH I LOVE PRINCESS TREATMENT OH MY GOD 💞💞💞💞

-he said hed follow me around everywhere

-he said hed tie my shoes if my shoelaces got untied

-he said hed carry my bag while he waits for me outside the bathroom

-and he said and insisted that he wants to pay for everything (except the ticket since the school would be paying for that) because he wanted to give me the full on princes treatment and im fucking melting rilllsssssss 😭😭😭😭😭

-and he has a polaroid camera and he said hes getting a lot of films for it and were gonna take two pictures each so we each have a piece

AND GUES WHAT HE FUCKING SAID RILLS

GUES WHAT HE SAID

HE SAID THAT HE LOVES ME AND OH MY GODDDDDDD 😭😭😭

HE SAID THAT IM PERFECT, THAT I MADE HIS WHOLE LIFE BETTER, THAT HES SO LUCKY TO HAVE ME, THAT HES OBSSESED WITH ME, THAT IM A VERY SPECIAL PERSON IN HIS LIFE, THAT IM BEAUTIFUL, THAT HE WANTS TO MARRY ME, HE SAID THAT HE COULDNT EVEN COMPREHEND WHATS HES FEELING RN AND RILLLLSSSSSS IM GONNA MELT 😭😭😭

ACTUALLY NO, I ALREADY DID 😭

rilllsssssss i love him oh my godddddddddd 😭😭😭💞💞💞

he just said that he wants to treat me like a fucking queen oh my godddd what do i doooooooo 😭😭😭

OMG ANGDKABFKGKFNSKHFK 💕💖💕💖💕💖💕💖💕💖💕💖💕💖 Holy shit bby!!!!! All right, so first things first, I really do hope with all my heart that you guys get to have a field trip again soon, even with all the necessary measures for your safety and health 💕💕💕🙏🙏💛💛💛 Second, OMG 😍😍😍 The date you lovebirds planned sounds absolutely perfect, and Lover Boy really really sounds like the sweetest boyfriend out there, it's all so so romantic 💕💕💕 Damn right he wants to treat you like a princess, you deserve nothing less than that 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰 But wait wait wait, he actually said The Words????? HE DID???!!!!!! HONEYYYYYYYYY OMG THAT MUST HAVE FELT AMAZING, I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOUUUUUUUU!!!!!! 😍😍😍😍💕💕💕💕💕 HE LOVES YOU AND YOU LOVE HIM AND IT'S ALL SO PRECIOUS I'M GONNA FLY TO MARS AND BACK OUT OF SHEER HAPPINESS ALONE 💕💕💕💕💕💕💕 It really sounds like you're living your own personal fairytale and I absolutely freaking LOVE this for you 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖 Ahhhhhh I'm sending you all the hugs in the world!!!!!!!!

[gayspock]

bwehhh

and i dont know ido try . itsreally fucking humiliating that i do . and i dont know i wishsomeone wasthere to just believe me when i say i fuckingtry but it jsut doesntfucking do anything. but it jsut fucking does ntohing. and i feel so fuckign hopeless. and thats the problem. and i feellike the only thing there is is people just assuming i havent tried. and i djsut feel so much fucking grosser inside because i know. i knew i already fucking cant do it and its alread y fucking snowed me under and i already feel so alone and its jsut so isolating and fuckign sic k to mystomach when i fe el like the only assessment people ever have is . you havent worked on yourself enough you havent done this enough you havent done that enough you havent suffered enough you havent wethered through it enough it will work out if you justdo it enoug- qne i jsut feel so fuckiign alone i fuckign wonder sometimes i dont know the millinofucking tmes people have explained to me over and over "getting better is HARD. you KNOW that righr?" LIEK YEAHN DFUDE TEAh dude yeAH DUDE YEAH DUDE IVE DONE IT IVE DONE ALL THE SHIT YOU DFUCKING DO IVE DONE IT A MILLNION FUCKGINT RIMES IVE DONE IT SO SMUFHCI NA DI TMEANS NOTHING AND ITS SO FUCKING . i feel so fucking worthels s i really fucking do ijsut go round and round i hit my head against walls i get nowhere i fee l so ufcking hopeless smeone tells me i didnt do it enog because gues what. the trying isnt enough it doesnt d anyhyign it doesnt mean anything . its jsut a lose fucking cause but i cant . i jsut i dont know i want to die i want to let it all go but theres htis fucking embarrasisng fucking want in me for someone to jut pretend t fucking care at least for jsut fufking ten seconfs wit me i keep feeling so fucking emebarrasse di think about all the poeple ive cared about and hw fucking mortified i am of everything they think of me and how i cantdo anyhting t change it and theyre never going to care back and i cant say that because im a fucking cunt if i do but its the truth and i think theres also that sufcking anger within me i dot know eeyr time i see recovery , see peoples fuckign storeis of getting bwtter theres osmething theres got to be somethign the re to fucking help them beut theresnothing there for me i dont have family to lean on i dont have friends to talk to i dont have a fucking suport system there sntohing to go towards there sntohing that makes it better i dont htink theres anythign worthwhile ot fucking resolve in side me and thereslike why dont people just admit to that right lie . i dont know . is this the nasty shitty fucking feeling that people dont like looking at. i think of all the things ive read, the fucking ways people have tried to go through ancedontes of people whove gottenbetter and thats the unifying factor yhat they were good at osmehting that someone else could like them that they dfodund love that they had anyhting i dont . know it feels s o mcuh worse every time i fe el like its always jus t a kick int he face qwhereis there to go what isthere to do any more i keep trying peopledont believe me because materially it makes so littled difderence and i feel so so so fucking useless and im noteven a lowed to cry about it without fucking being atheigver upperi dont know what to say i dont have it in me i dont afducking have it im not a strong person what do i have i have a fucking TUMBLR BLOG I CAN FUCKIGN SCREAM AT ANF THATS IT HAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA LOL i need to delete oh my fodddd FUCKKK BRO

[catsniffingforehead1]

andy and babe are the same height and stel is only a little taller than them both okay…

babe studies plasma physics and psychology. shes probs one of the smartests of the kids

they are all freshman!!! wuzzah

stel reads twilight. not a surprise or whatever

andys allergic to bees

babe has a lizard whom she hasn’t name or officially owns it just lives in her window

stel studies physiology and knows how to kick ass!!

andy studies space or whatever but does a horrible job at it so just pretends he knows everything about it

thats it i gues maybe ill add more teehee

[amishgirlies]

Pisces

were currently on pisces season ( i love it ) . like this months is special because finally venus running through pisces season. not to mention mercury also currently on pisces, sun was here since february, and moon did her rebirth at 10th march so it was magical. Oh, neptune will accompany us in pisces for i gues several years !

i love this moment. finally i felt like i could romanticize everything, but still holding my leg on the ground. i could work on things while i indulge myself having fun or just seeing something more vivid. right now, i am on my room alone. the ac is just doing fine and everything felt soothing. actually it has been like this since sun enter pisces. i felt like all this routine indulge me much since i was hypervigilant before. right now, i felt like it is time for me to just have myself in my place romantize and being slow. people hate slow or something that doesnt move swiftly. but, i do enjoy swimming in situations that including time freezing or slow a little bit. i mean, right now its 5 pm and i cant even imagine tomorrow going work early than usual. but i guess i can just rely and listen to ariana grande intro song in her new album ( I LOVE IT ) . the appetite to torn down my bubble of thoughts and let all my head pouring on social media is back. i love it like i felt inspired but its not just like i want to write something beautiful or heart wrenching. its just urge to write myself. put whats circulating on my cloudy brain rather making it as something people could digest. i dont care people gonna be wrinkling their forehead reading all of this but i love it.

a lot of happening in this world, i try my best but i guess it cost me life. now i just want to rest and circling myself with comfort. i cant help because i know in the end of the day im the one who responsible to soothe myself. to take care of myself. so let me doing self care while also keeping eye on what happened.

at this time, i dont want to include myself in such conditions that you know, quite draining and need me to talk much with people. i dont argue much, i just wish their karma hit them and multiplied. the hate and anger still there, but i dont wanna controlled by them. i think i should reflect how much im spiteful last year. of course, i will way more spiteful but i guess there a lot of things that i would not engage in later. maybe i realize that theres alot of things that i dont need to protect, cis gay men in example. like i do care much before engaged in some convo about them but theyre doing self destruct. so, why bother doing favor to people that doesnt even acknowledge that people put through for them ? let them suffer and earn the consequences. beside, theyre men. all they do just hide on the closet and fuck each other. still doing same, like hating the cishet, and anything else. but i dont to engage with them because most of them just bunch of prick who crying when they got something. thats why i pick myself out of the crowd. theyre dumbness literally kills and i dont bother to be near my killer.

[findursoulmateorfindyourself]

stop hating this is the hate

we live in a cruel world

life is cruel its injuste

u have no reason to be where u r while no obe has a readon to be where thry are and yet its like that

there is good and bad in everyone

watch morr mpvies they help you help yourself

stop feeling sorry for urself STOP feeling sorry for yourself this life is a gift and a gift is not always something to be happy about its not something to be seizing its just there as long as its there abd people will hate you for saying this people will judge you and people will mke you accountable.

The way you life live is affecting others in a big and in a snall picture

u still are looking and you always lose track bc u still are not looking for yourself and thats okay. You are hard to urself but not in a way you should b; u look around too much. u seek so much affirmation from the outside

but it must come from your heart ur looking ur finding inshallah one day ur still looking but do it while not maling the u the focus of the world u r from ur own perceiption maybe but its the life of otherd that make it thst life and u don’t have to always find urself in it. that us narcistic and you shall not be. shall never be shall never become

u should sffirm urself if you cant i ubderstand bc i am in ur head as well there is a lot like every human a mot sone cN express some find way sone doed nor mstter but in a way to lesnr to grow to enjoy to expeeience to humble to reflect THATS it THATS it u know this is it

please remind urself even if you will thibk ird mesningledd and srupid in a month its precious and to be able to sir here and writr that down is prexious and is life

the life you don’t want to have for reasons that are vain and narcistic but maybe iitd ok its how u think

of course I thibk about gaza pf course I think about witnessing something uncomparable since I am born I gree up in a coubtry with a so cslled valie system thst now I‘ve lost it. But wsnting to not be anymore because u feel conplicit how you despote of everything u have learned in school u behave you werre dure ro be different. @a good human@ I gues ur not bit u need to surcice thereforebyou need to remind jrdelf whsr u beed flmor itt.

[apleasantlydarkbouquetus]

I love my life

Yesterday i ask for a tarot session with Ady. Belio hanya kaget karena w request reading dua kali—but good for him cuz with then i spent 75k for him. Well yeah he helped me to gained my sexual confidence last year so i want to return the favor.

The reading gone well—funny if i can say—that in the end i just meet my peace. And yes its my choice to chase someone or nah but still, everything would depends on my decision.

W ketemu dengan Hafiz hari ini. Dia mengajak w ikut diskusi panel dalam Konferensi ASEAS di FISIP. W nanya di panel mas Gani A. Jaelani, dan ketemu Valen dan Umar. Kemudian baru w balik ke FIB dan ketemu Ady.

I do have a confession if Ady wants to use my dick someday i'll happy to help but no.

And yes, he got a good point: what do i want? Apa yang w perlu kejar? Thats a good one. W butuh memperjelas arah hidup dan kemauan gue. And yes, everything would be better soon.

W ketemu juga dengan Jason, anak Sastra Inggris yang kadang dilihat freak. I like his clumsiness tho. Dia imut.

Valen datang ke FIB dan berakhir merokok bareng w. Dan mengikuti saran Ady, w berusaha membangun obrolan dengan orang lain. So yeah, i try to socialize and its pretty good.

Hujan besar sampai jam 6 sore. W bertahan di FIB sampai jam 8 dan baru balik.

W baru sadar w ngereply story Ivan. Dan turns out dia ngelike comment w.

Well. Lets see.