#i got to see huge fucking chicken in person. achievement

[pariahofpelicantown]

NSFW ABC (Emily)

(Minors DNI!)

A = Aftercare 

She is huge on aftercare, especially if things got a little rough. She will clean you up, get you water, or whatever else you may need. She is very attentive and caring and needs the same level of attention from you if you got a bit rough with her. Respect is key, and she is always attentive to your

B = Body part 

She loves your neck and shoulders, and loves leaving little love bites on your collarbone, just out of sight so you only you both know they are there.

On herself she likes her hands. They are delicate and always soft, and she likes to think she is quite skilled with them, both in and out of the bedroom.

C = Cum 

She can cum a few times in one go, but they are spaced out. When she cums the first time it will take quite a while for her to cum again, so she requires a bit more attention after the first time.

D = Dirty secret 

She knows that Clint frequently sneaks up to the farmhouse to spy on her, and as a result she will sometimes initiate sex with you right there in the living room. She whispers to you that he is watching, and wants him to see all of the things you can do to her that he can only dream off. At first you were a little unsure, but after she explained she wanted him to watch you take her and make her yours you came around to the idea. She cums so hard knowing that he is watching, and knowing she belongs to you.

E = Experience

She has been around the block a few times. She and Shane have hooked up on more than one occasion, frightening the poor chickens in his coop.

She knows what she likes and isn't afraid to tell you what she wants.

F = Favorite position 

She avoids bringing it up until she really trusts the person, as it has been a taboo topic with her partners in the past, but she actually really enjoys anal play. Rather full anal, or just fingering while she uses a dildo on herself, she loves the feeling of double penetration and feeling so completely full.

She will only broach this topic when she is fully comfortable with you as she considers it one of her dark secrets.

G = Goofy 

She can be extremely playful when it comes to sex, believing it should be fun as well as pleasurable. She can be serious if the mood calls for it but she prefers a more carefree approach, preferring to laugh and be free with each other.

H = Hair 

She lets it grow out a bit, but not to the point where is it unmanageable. She prefers to let it grow naturally but she keeps it well groomed and clean.

I = Intimacy 

She views sex as intimate regardless of how fast or slow it is. For her it’s all about the spiritual connection you share, and believes that can be achieved regardless of how fast or slow it is.

J = Jack off

She used to take care of herself every morning in the shower, but now she rarely needs to. And if she does, she makes sure to send you a video of it so you can see what you are missing out on.

K = Kink 

Voyeurism (with consent of course) she loves watching other people have sex. She also enjoys exhibitionism, and loves to be watched.

It's part of why she loves doing it knowing Clint is watching. It has nothing to do with any attraction to him, she just enjoys putting on a show and makes it clear she belongs to you.

L = Location

She really is down to fuck anywhere within reason. She doesn’t mind if it’s in public as long as you’re not getting it on in the middle of town square. The bedroom is fine, but she doesn’t view it as the only acceptable location.

M = Motivation

It drives her crazy when you bite your lip and beckon her with your finger. She finds it insanely sexy, and will melt as soon as she sees it.

N = No 

She will not do anything that is not consented to, believing it to be the most important aspect of your sex life. Permission is always sought with the other couple before engaging in voyeurism, and if she ever had an inkling you were uncomfortable with it, she would drop the topic completely. Same with exhibitionism, it's a kink but not a deal breaker.

She is also no willing to share you with anyone. Looking is fine, but touching is strictly forbidden.

O = Oral 

She loves both giving and receiving, but if she had the choice she would much rather give. She loves watching you fall apart as she uses her mouth on you, and will kiss you afterwards so you can taste yourself on her lips.

69 is also a good comprise.

P = Pace 

She prefers taking her time, if given the option, but sometimes when tensions are running high, she knows a good hard fucking is needed. She is more than happy to be an outlet for your frustrations (within reason, don't go overboard), and once in a while she needs to pull your hair and fuck you senseless to relieve stress.

Q = Quickie 

She is always down for a quickie, especially when the mood strikes her when she on a time crunch to get to work. She will press you against a wall, not even bothering to undress as her hand slides up your skirt or down your pants.

R = Risk 

She is always up to try new things, as long as you both agree to it. She isn't the type to worry about being caught, so she is always down to have sex in a park behind a bush or behind the Stardrop. She is not shy, and if someone happens to catch the two of you so be it.

S = Stamina 

She is usually down for more than one round, though it takes a lot longer for her to get off a second time. The first comes pretty easily but after that it takes a bit of work to get her to a second orgasm, and that is usually her limit.

That being said, she will spend as much time on you as you need, regardless of if she’s at her limit, she will always make sure you are properly satisfied.

T = Toys

She has a decent collection of toys, some accumulated before she met you and a few after. She is very open and experimental, and if she sees something you both might like she will buy it on the spot.

She loves using toys on you, especially a rabbit (for females) or jacking you off with a flashlight (male.)

U = Unfair 

She loves to tease you throughout the day. She’ll send you suggestive texts messages if you’re apart, and wear clothes that leave little to the imagination if you are together.

She loves the buildup, and will keep going until you are practically begging her to fuck you.

V = Volume 

She can get very loud, and doesn't care at all who hears her. As far as she is concerned, if they don't want to hear it then they don't have to listen. She likes that some people (Clint) knows exactly what you are doing to her.

W = Wild card 

She loves watching you fuck yourself, and also loves watching you fuck yourself. She also loves mutual masturbation, almost as much as she loves fucking you.

X = X-ray

She has small, perky breasts that are extra sensitive as her nipples are both pierced. She has a few scattered freckles across her chest that look like constellations against her pale skin.

Y = Yearning 

She has a pretty high libido, but she doesn’t need to engage in sex every night. She is usually down if you are, but she will never expect you to be on the same level as her. She is perfectly fine cuddling on the couch if you prefer.

Besides she is more than capable of taking care of herself if she has the need.

Z = Zzz

It usually takes her a bit to wind down afterwards. She loves basking in the afterglow with you and engaging in pillow talk before going to sleep. She wants to make sure your needs are met and will always ask if you need anything before falling asleep.

[carcarrot]

crossover event of the century with @moogotron :)

[pseudophan]

wait have you ever actually run into dan while playing gw2 👀

yeah 😭 i know he's had issues with people stalking him ingame and i super do not want to be that person so i'm overly paranoid and if i see him i'm like cool time to leave this area immediately CBSMJZCB. most of the time its fine cause like running into someone on these huge servers is difficult but the issue is mr not on fire is a tryhard who tends to lead squads (parties of up to 50 people) for daily achievements and stuff and thats usually where i run into trouble cause i'll be on lfg (looking for group) and join a random squad thats doing the thing i need for a daily and then i see the commander (the person who leads the squad) is That Fucking Guy and usually i chicken out and leave but one time he was the only one doing it and i really needed the achievement so i was like fine whatever theres like 30+ other people i can do this real quick so i did and then he revived me when i got downed and i was like 😬 thanks 😬 and left the second the thing was over cause i was STRESSED

very funny memory but my god go away dude

[okay-victoria]

Random Personal Rant

For anyone somehow here not from the original thread, this started off me getting asked what finishing school is and me getting shit off my chest that is only mildly relevant about how I could both be of the social class that gets sent to finishing school and grows up on welfare.

With an understanding that in many parts of the world it wouldn't qualify as so, as far as the US goes, my dad is from what counts as a very old money family from Baltimore & Philadelphia. Both his siblings went to college and one now owns a major hedge fund, and his sister is married to a C-level executive at a huge conglomerate. His parents went to college. His grandparents went to college. All eight of his great grandparents went to college. My dad...did not go to college. He was not about that life, and while I don't mean it as an insult, when I say his primary occupation until I was ~5 was a drummer in a mediocre band I mean that he opened for a lot of great acts, and if you lived in the Boston to Atlanta area in the 80s you may have heard him play, but he was never a huge national name. But he wasn't an amateur band playing for free at some random local gig either.

My mom grew up on a chicken farm in a Mennonite family in Pennsylvania but also completely rejected her heritage and became a model, sort of like my father, of mediocre status. Not Giselle Bundchen, but had national contracts and if you have a Graco ad/box from 1990-1993 you might see both me and her on it. They met because my mom's friends placed bets, one each, on who could sleep with a member of their favorite local band first and my mom picked my dad and...my mom was actually supposed to go be a model in Tokyo and found out she was pregnant with me and couldn't go 😂

So, after my parents had two kids back to back with a third on the way and determined they needed lifestyles more in line with having three children, they became much poorer than they originally were because my mom stopped working and my dad, with a barely-passed-high-school education but needing a true "day job" worked day labor in construction. My dad's father was too proud to give us money/help if my dad didn't beg for it; despite having eventually four young children my dad never did so we ended up on all the state assistance programs one could imagine. My grandma jokes that dinners at my parents house were BYOC - bring your own chair, because we didn't own any.

My mother and paternal grandmother had no such pride issues and I live in eternal gratitude that my welfare childhood was not as crappy as it should have been because my grandmother would have my mom accompany her on grocery runs and buy us food without my father or grandfather knowing, and every Christmas and birthday my grandparents/godparents could give us the one big ticket gift all the kids wanted that year. But, on the other side, I once got stung by a bee inside my mouth because my brother threw a hairbrush through a cracked window at me and broke it and we couldn't afford to fix it for about two years and a hornet got in one day and rested himself in my coke can (my parents were the very American type that fed me coca-cola in baby bottles at age 8 when I was jealous of my younger siblings lol).

It is hard not to believe in "toxic masculinity" when two men warring over dumbass pride issues would rather their children/grandchildren go without food than suck it up and decide 'help' isn't the worst word in the English language, and you know you've only been saved by two women who came from totally different backgrounds and entirely disapproved of each other but reached out the hand to shake when it came down to toddlers getting the short end of the don't-bend-the-knee stick. It wasn't that either of the men were bad people, I loved them both and got along great with both, but on a societal level I feel they were socialized in a very fucked up way if that was the end result, as both claimed "male pride" in these instances [my dad took multiple thousands of dollars I'd saved from working during college from me during the 2008-2010 financial crisis and didn't tell me and that was the reason I was given for why I hadn't been informed/asked, because it would be too emotionally difficult for an adult man to ask a young woman. My graduation present was them repaying me 1/3 of the money they'd taken from me without asking because I'd like, trusted them when it had been in a joint account that was a holdover from when I was <18 and couldn't have my own bank account].

While in some ways my parents on the surface achieved the American dream of going from nothing to a bunch of money, the real factor in play was that my dad's father was the bank. My parents had no credit and couldn't get real loans. My dad worked construction and during the two major periods that flipping houses was very lucrative, he never had to get an actual loan or pay actual interest, he just had to ask his father to pay out cash and then repay him at a flat 2% interest rate that didn't even accrue over time, just...whenever you are ready, repay the value of the loan + 2%. Because my father was doing something productive, in these instances, my grandfather was happy to pay, because it wasn't giving away money, it was loaning it. I had a very weird situation of mostly being poor but like also getting taken to the "big donors" events at the Kennedy Center and my grandparents regularly buying me a dress as a child worth more than my mom's wedding dress and also needing to pretend I fit in with these people.

And look. When I say "these people"...honestly, by and large, most wealthy people, whether inherited or not, are not the assholes you want to imagine. Most of them are extremely nice. Most of them are generous when it comes to the less fortunate who are in their personal sphere of being. Most of them are just really out of touch. The 100% kindest of all of them that I know once relayed to me that she thought people would be happier if once a year they did what she did...go to the airport with a purse packed full of absolute necessities, buy a one way ticket to the most appealing destination on the flight board, buy your clothes and book your accommodations after you'd arrived, and come back after you felt you'd 'centered' yourself. She didn't understand why there were so many unhappy people who weren't taking this very obvious route to being happier. I didn't quite know how to explain that saying "most" people couldn't afford to do that either financially or from a job/career angle didn't even cover it, as "most" sounds like 70% instead of 99.7%.

I was both my parents eldest son and eldest daughter in the worst combination possible. I was the eldest son because I was the most stereotypically male of all my siblings, in everything from desire to physically fight the battles I was given to dislike of shopping/fashion to lack of emotional connection to my relationships, so I can now fix your average household plumbing/drywall/electrical issue better than most "city" guys I interact with and remain less clingy to them in the process. I was also very much the oldest daughter from a responsibility perspective, I managed our household and from age 10 - 24 managed the finances of our family business, my mom almost died giving birth to my youngest brother after a ruptured uterus that should never have happened in the first place if we had adequate insurance to get her a non-emergency C-section (I was just past 9 years old at the time) and I was informally withdrawn from school for two years to take care of the family when she couldn't because there is no paid parental leave in the US and we got double-fucked by the medical industry because she got a bad "mesh" put in and then had to have a further surgery to repair that which we also had to pay for and didn't have the money to win a lawsuit over.

I don't know quite how to put this, but in the deepest fuck you of the universe, my rich-immigrant-ggggg grandfather's money led to him owning banks, insurance companies, etc, and the family cashed out in a big way when their ownership was bought by and merged with what is now Cigna, one of the biggest US healthcare insurers, and my nuclear family specifically got screwed by the American health insurance industry, but anyway, we were the people selected for that karmic comeuppance so if you want to feel schadenfreude at my expense, I'll allow it without begrudging the sentiment, my family might have fucked up your family’s life too, not just their own.

I got up twice a night to feed my brother because my dad had to sleep unmolested in my room to get to work and my mom was too weak to carry my brother or even hold him against her while she nursed so I had to hold him up to her. Adjusting to living in a city and hearing lots of random noises all the time was not easy when I'd had mom sound instincts from age 9.

I learned to drive the fall my youngest bro was born because my mom couldn't and I had to get my middle brother to preschool and go the grocery store on my own. While I hold absolutely no ill will towards my father or grandfather for this and given that about 1/3 of my paternal family either has an autism diagnosis or should, I fully feel the struggles they both went through to be communicated with, my father wouldn't ask for help, and my grandmother that lived 20 minutes away couldn't give enough help because my grandfather refused to do a single dish on his own as that was outside their "marriage contract" type agreement and she couldn't ever stay with us overnight when there wasn't a clearly-communicated need, so they let the burden fall on a 9 - 11 year old child and that really shaped a lot of my life in both good and bad ways. My youngest brother is 22, and we have only just climbed out of the medical debt his birth left us with between my dad's life insurance and my oldest brother and I paying for the extra cost of out-of-state college tuition.

The irony of all of this is that because my father died before his father, when my grandmother dies, my siblings and I will all inherit enough money (as a non-blood relative my mom, despite keeping her vows to part at death and not having remarried in eight years, is cut out entirely) to make this a non-issue, but my grandfather couldn't conscience spotting his unluckiest child some money in the end of days to pay for my youngest two brothers' education and take that worry off my father as he was dying. The day before he died I had to hold him down in bed to keep him from trying to climb in his truck to go to work because he was so anxious about trying to provide for us in spite of his father having fuck you money, because his father didn't think it was fair to the other siblings (who, at the time, still owned a major hedge fund and were married to a C-level executive of a huge conglomerate). A day and a half later I went back to my job because at the time I was then the sole provider for the family and didn't want to risk asking for the standard week's bereavement leave when I knew I was capable of showing up at work the next day and was fresh out of college so hadn't built up a reputation yet.

My father worked the day each of us was born, so I suppose it is only fair and he smiled at the choice. In spite of what it may seem, I gave a baller and very heartfelt speech at his funeral to all his rich friends that over and above everything, he'd taught us how to be happy with our own lives no matter what, and multiple of them emailed my mom in the aftermath to say they'd reassessed their relationship with their children in light of it, although...tbh I kind of doubt that lasted and they probably changed nothing 😅. The last good talk I had with him, two weeks before he died [his liver was going and it sent toxins to his brain that de-personed him after that and he no longer recognized me as his daughter, but as his sister], I reassured him that though we would all be sad he'd gone, we'd live on just fine without him because that's how he'd raised us, and according to my mom that was what gave him the final bit of peace he needed. Although honestly, I don't think I will ever see the strength in another human again that it took my grandmother to sit next to him and stroke his hand and tell him to close his eyes and imagine he was happy on a beach and die, for God's sake, because he was unaware and in pain and just prolonging it for our sake by then.

That type of obsession my grandfather had with assessing his children and grandchildren on the basis of economic productivity and a very black and white idea of "fair" is one you don't easily forget, I promise you. My hedge fund uncle is currently positioning himself to screw us out of our inheritance because of janky writing in the will and I'm doing my fuck all best to gain the wherewithal to go toe-to-toe with this cold motherfucker in court as the oldest and representative member of my happily much nicer and softer younger brothers who I want to remain that way not because I even care that much about the money, I know what bills affect your credit first and what you can put off paying and all of us have good enough career prospects to do our own thing, but just because I want to give the middle finger to a man that was a multi-millionaire and drew lines on his milk and orange juice bottles when I came over so he knew if I drank what my parents couldn't afford when I was approximately six. Anyway, ask me why I support major reforms in wealth taxation. I don't care who it goes to, just not that guy, you feel?

Having expendable income was very exciting for a bit after I started working but once I got to the hateable point of assessing my annual bonus and internally complaining that I'd spent the money I should have spent on a Sauternes cellar to drop five digits on bedset materials (to be fair they are drop dead gorgeous, very comfy and the factory pays a living wage for people to handmake the sheets/duvets/pillows to people in San Francisco, which is not cheap, so maybe I did more good than harm with that), I two seconds later nodded to myself and went "the government needs to confiscate more money from me". The narrative is always that the "undeserving" will use it for dumb things they don't need like iPhones or refrigerators...?...but like...I could also have gone to Bed Bath and Beyond and bought a very nice sheet/comforter set for at most a tenth of what I paid so am I really spending it responsibly either....?....who is going to get more joy out of this misspent money....?....not me, that is for sure, I probably would have had more fun going to BBB and laying on all the demo beds and buying something there.

My lifelong dream, which may become possible if/when I do have something of an inheritance, is to provide food security for one of the many towns in the US were most residents don't have it. It's the thing I remember the most distinctly over the years. I never could quite believe it when I got to the point that I could just...pay to eat at a restaurant. One of the most disappointed my mother has ever been in me is when I was twenty five and confessed I actually had no idea how much a gallon of milk cost in a city grocery store besides that it was probably between $1 and $5, because I didn't have to know. For now I make a weekly drop off of my excess produce to a mom group I met under somewhat weird circumstances but I was walking through the cut-through that went through the low-income housing back to my apartment at like 2 AM on a Saturday and these moms were out there partying and smoking weed with their kids all strapped in strollers around or the older ones watched by a rotating member of the group and I felt very safe and like these moms had a very good vibe of both living their own lives [seriously for mental health parents but in most cases specifically mothers need to be able to keep up relationships with people their age] but keeping their children safe and accounted for while doing so and trying their fuckin' best against all the odds to figure out how to make that happen when life had dealt them a shit hand.

...anyway, looping way back to the original question of what finishing school is, when I was almost done with middle school my dad had built a legit construction business that then very quickly took off because we lived in a commutable zip code to the now-rich-in-their-own-right people he went to high school with who trusted him to redo their homes. We eventually moved to that zip code but I stayed and commuted back to my old high school. But, i was a pretty wild kid which my father appreciated for a long while because I would follow him around on jobs and enjoy doing physical labor, but once I was mid-puberty and also he had to maybe show me to his high school friends that did not fly.

I snapped - not broke, snapped - my left thumb and my parents had to trap me like a wild animal to get me to go the hospital. Then I got a deep cut that partially injured a tendon in my leg and at eleven I tried to beat the shit out of my dad to prevent him from picking me up to strap me in the car and go to the hopsital. Next I got a deep splinter due to my eternal-barefoot tendencies and it wouldn't come out so got infected and I refused to go to the doctor [another weird back story but I was minorly sexually assaulted [[to be clear, not raped or anything big traumatic]] when I was eight and had to stay in hospital for a week and my parents couldn't be with me all the time so I have a permanent heebie-jeebie about going to the hospital, not true anxiety, I will go if I know I need to and I don't breathe heavy or anything, and I'm actually not permanently weirded out by sex or anything, just doctors in hospitals specifically I kind of unconsciously try to justify not needing to the extent I can rationalize it] and my dad was tired of my antics so he was like "fine if you don't go I will slice your foot in half with a Swiss Army knife to get it out" and I called his bluff and laid down on the floor, stuck my foot on his lap, and he didn't really know what to do when a barely fourteen year old girl called his bluff so my brothers watched in fascinated but horrified awe as I got my foot sliced open spectacularly so that the infection/splinter could come out and I didn't even make a sound out of spite despite it being quite painful to my recollection almost twenty years later.

They saw me cry from pain exactly one time when while trying to break up a fight between all three of them (it was over ice cream) I got pushed and my ankle got dislocated and what actually made me cry was snapping it back in place and they realized it was not a joke. These dumb assholes that I love have ragged on me for "skipping" chores the day after I was in the hospital because the day before that I had to spend 18 hours running Thanksgiving as a good sub-hostess like I didn't have a serious infection that needed treating and couldn't rest because none of them were up to any task beyond peeling potatoes.

After the Swiss Army knife incident, my dad's discussion of sending me to finishing school became real, which I knew when my mom made me take a walk with her and talked about it. Finishing school is like...etiquette school....? In ye olden day when finishing high school was not the norm for anyone, wealthy men finished high school and wealthy women often went to "finishing" school to have a combined education on being a proper lady but also being able to hold a decent conversation with your presumably-educated husband, so it wasn't entirely etiquette non-academic. It was more just like "what a rich man wants in a wife" school, which was sort of household management and knowing enough about cleaning/cooking to correct the staff if they fucked up, how to be a polite hostess, and how to not entirely bore him when you were alone together and had done your five minutes of sex or whatever so actually had to have a conversation. In modern times it has obviously expanded to be less bleak.

I said miss me with that, I can be a girl on my own, so I went full throttle into the girliest sport they offer in high school and ever since have gained the inestimable advantage of knowing how to also use femininity to my advantage, which I am very grateful to my parents for making me learn. It would be great if we lived in a world where that didn't count, but it did/still does, and they really set me up to operate in all the worlds.

It is weird for me to tell the story to Internet strangers because it's one of those things that makes your parents sound terrible and abusive in the general tone of the Internet nowadays, and while I support gender nonconforming children I don't remember my childhood or parents that way. But, I feel like the bits and pieces of my life I've given don't always make a ton of sense together without the context, so here it is, and in the end, I think a number of parts of it are areas where you can probably understand where it makes me have the opinions I do when I write.

Anyhoo, this makes my life sound far worse than it is, I actually have a great life and I am not unhappy with it at all and feel I was on the whole blessed with many more turns of luck than unluck, so, please, do not take this as a depressed artist rant, it is more like a rant of a very energetic person who rants about a lot of things all the time and didn’t need to come out but just did because the question was asked and the time was right with my life being in a bit of flux to think about how I got where I am and where I want to go and why.

Always remember no matter what problems it seems like I have, if I didn’t solve them on my 2 year round the world traveling hiatus I took from working, it’s my own fault, I definitely had the time and money to solve them and just chose not to.

[dreamingwithbts]

Demon (Boku No Hero) - Chapter 20

Warning: Swearing

It was the morning after the encounter with Stain and everyone was in the hospital, I sigh when I heard a notification, I pick up the phone and I see two messages, one from Katsuki and the other from Hawks, I click on the Katsuki message first.

Angry Pomeranian:

I heard Stain attacked Hosu. I hope your fucking ass weren’t there!

Me:

Sorry...I...can’t...hear you...bad connection...

Angry Pomeranian:

THIS IS A TEXT! I’M GOING TO KILL YOU!

Me:

Talk to you later! Bye!

Still laughing, imagining Katsuki angry face, I open Hawks message.

Cannibal Bird:

You are so in trouble, young lady! How can you go to a fight and didn’t even invite me or Tokoyami! But serious don’t do that again, that was stupid and dangerous. Will talk later.

I’m so proud of you my little baby bird, you’re just like me!

Me:

Hawks....I’m nothing like you, I’m way better! And I’m sorry I left without telling you, I hope you’re not in much trouble. I’ll see you later, cannibal bird.

I laugh even more seeing Hawks bipolar texts, he doesn’t even know how to react. “Excuse me? Do you know where my friends are?” I ask a nurse before she left my room. “Their in the next room, dear.” She says smiling. “Thank you!” I smile at her and wait for her to leave, so I can get up.

“Hey.” I say entering the boy’s hospital room. “Aka-chan!” Izuku says looking at me worried. “Aka.” Shoto nods at me. “Aka-san!” Lida says. “You guys look worse than me.” I say laughing seeing they have more bandage than me. “Are you okay Aka-chan?” Izuku asks worried while I sit on the free bed next to Lida. “I’m fine, just some scratches and some mental scars for life.” I say trying to joke. “Right...” Izuku whispers. “I just want to say sorry, for yesterday. Sorry Lida, and I’m sorry for your brother.” I say not looking at them. “What do you mean Ak....?” Lida was asking only to be interrupted by someone entering. “Oh, are you wounded kids awake? Ah, I see you here too, girl.” Izuku and Lida internship heroes enter the room. “Gran Torino.” Izuku says. “Manual-san.” Lida says sad. “Kid, I’ve got a lot of complaints for you.” Gran Torino says getting near Izuku. “Oh! S... Sorr...” Izuku tries to apologize. “But before that, you’ve got a visitor.” Gran Torino continues and all of us look at the door to see a huge human...dog. “Hosu’s chief of police, Kenji Tsuragamae.” Gran Torino finishes. “Shit.” I think while Lida, Shoto and I stand up. “Oh, you can just stay seated, woof.” The chief says to Izuku who was trying to get up. “Woof?” I whisper. “You must be the U.A. students who brought down the hero killer, right?” The chief asks us. “Yes.” Shoto answers. “Regarding the hero killer we arrested...” Chief continues. “He had some serious injuries, with burns and broken bones, and is receiving treatment under strict guard, woof.” He says. “So his still alive.” I think. “Since you are U.A. students, I’m sure you already know that when superpowers were still becoming the norm, the police attached high importance to leadership and standards, and made sure Quirks were not used as weapons.” The chief says. “We are so fucked!” I think scared. “And then, the profession of “hero” emerged to fill that gap, woof.” Chief says then starts explaining stuff while I’m cursing inside my head knowing we were going to be expelled and put to prison then I pay attention again when Shoto explodes. “Isn’t it a hero’s job to save people?” Shoto screams. “That is why you are not a full-fledged hero yet. Goodness, what are you being taught by U.A. and Endeavor, woof?” The chief of police responds to him. “You dog.” Shoto says angry, going towards him. “Go Shoto!” I say making Izuku and Gran Torino look at me, one scared and the other thinking while Lida tries stopping Shoto then Gran Torino stops him. “Hang on a minute. Hear him out until the end.” He says. “That was the official opinion of the police, and the punishment and such would only happen if this were all made public, woof.” The chief says. “So, what does that mean exactly?” I ask. “If it is not public, the burn scars would support Endeavor being the hero who saved the day, and it would end there, woof. Thankfully, there were very few witnesses. This would mean no one would know about your good judgment or achievements. What do you prefer, be recognized and receive punishment or Endea...” Chief says and this time I explode, and I stay in front of Shoto screaming. “ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! No way in hell I’m going to let that mother fucking Endeavor take our credits! Choose other! I prefer get my punis....” I was silence by a hand on my mouth and then being force on a bed where Izuku looked me, so I was silence and trapped. “Please continue.” Izuku says nervous. “Very well. Personally, I don’t want to be the one to find fault with promising young ones because of one big mistake, woof.” The chief says giving us thumbs up. “Either way, we will need to take responsibility for being negligent in our supervisory duties.” Manual says then everyone apologizes. “I’m not apologizing anything! We did...” I say now up then two hand force me to bow. “Please Aka-chan...” Izuku whispers, but I just stay silence then the chief of police bows to us. “I can say thank you.”

Later that day, I was discharged from the hospital first than the others, so after being yelled and praised by Hawks our attention went to the news. “Endeavor finally catch the hero killer...” The reporter says. “FUCK ENDEAVOR MOTHERFUCKER IT WASN’T HIM DAMMIT! WHY HIM?” I scream angry. “What do you have against Endeavor?! His amazing!” Hawks screams at me in disbelief. “Who likes an asshole like him, who doesn’t know how to raise his kids!” I scream at Hawks while he screams back facts about how great Endeavor is. “Why am I here?” Tokoyami says sighing tired.

The next day I woke up by my phone ringing, it was Dad calling me. “My daughter! Gran Torino called me.” Dad says the moment I pick up. “Shit...” I whisper. “Language! Did you see him? Did he...?” Dad asks. “Yes...he knows...” I say knowing immediately want he wanted to know. “I see...how are you?” He asks. “Better than I thought I would be.” I answer him honestly. “Okay.” He says. “I want to talk to him.” I suddenly say, but I knew Dad wasn’t surprised. “We’ll talk after the internships, and I’ll see what I can do.” He says. “Thanks Dad.” I say. “Your welcome, my daughter. And thank you for helping Young Midoriya.” He says. “Of course Dad.” I say and we both say goodbye.

Five days had passed since our internships started, Hawks have been training me and Tokoyami better than I thought, even if he teases us and make us his slaves. Today, the three of us were patrolling the streets, Hawks sent Tokoyami to one direction while he sent me to other, and he would switch time to time with us, now he was with me. “How about some chicken, booby bird?” He asks me, flashing his red wings. “First, stop with the name, second you ate chicken like an hour ago!” I say to him. “That’s too long!” He complains, and I was going to answer him before I heard a familiar voice. “Katsuki?” I ask, looking at the source of the voice. “Oh? That’s Best Jeaninst. HEY!” Hawks screams waving making the two look at us. “Hawks.” Best Jeanist says approaching us. “Hey Kat....AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!” I start laughing hard when I see Katsuki hair. “SHUT UP YOUR DEMON!” Katsuki yells angry. “What happen to your hair? Oh my god, I need to take a picture for your mom!” I say laughing too much. “LIKE HELL YOU WILL BITCH!” Katsuki yells only for Best Jeanist to punch him in his head. “Is that how you treat your girlfriend?” Best Jeanist says making us both blush while Hawks giggles at us. “SHE’S/I’M NOT HIS/MY GIRLFRIEND!” We both scream. “Fuck this shit. Let’s go Hawks!” I say, blushing hard. “Alright, alright, Miss Tomato.” Hawks says laughing. “Bye Katsuki! Best Jeanist.” I say waving them goodbye wanting to leave them as quickly ad I could.

“If that’s how you’re going to treat the girl you like, I’m really sad for her.” Best Jeanist says to Katsuki. “Shut up!” Katsuki whispers.

Then with a blink of an eye, the days of internship are over, so Tokoyami and I are in front of a very sad Hawks. “I’m going to miss you guys so much!” He says with fake tears. “We’re going to miss you too, Hawks.” I say smiling to the bird man. “Come here Boob Bird, Face Bird!” Hawks says to us, hugging us both very tight. “Hawks!” I say feeling squeezed. “Hawks...” I heard Tokoyami whisper. “LET GO, BIRD MAN!” Dark Shadow yells coming out of Tokoyami. “Fine, fine! Goodbye guys and stay out of trouble!” Hawks says letting us go.

School day came quickly and right now I was in the middle of Kirishima and Sero, us dying of laugh seeing Katsuki still with the weird hair. “AHAHAHAHAHAHA. It’s the second time I see, but I still can’t stop laughing!” I say happy while Katsuki glares at us very angry. “Seriously?! Seriously, Bakugo?!” Both guys say dying of laugh. “Stop laughing! My hair’s gotten used to it, so it won’t go back even after I wash it!” Katsuki says, trembling in anger. “Hey, stop laughing! I’ll kill you!” Katsuki continues while we can’t stop laughing. “I’d like to see you try, Side-Part Boy!” Sero says making me have to support on Kirishima laughing too hard. “What did you say?!” Bakugo screams, and suddenly we heard a puff and I look at him. “Oh my god, it’s back! That was more hilarious, ahahahahaha!” I say making the boy still laugh. “There, there, Katsuki. It’s back, don’t worry about it that much.” I say petting his now normal hair. “Shut up.” He whispesr calmly making me shock but then smile at him.

We smile at each other until someone talked to me. “...were you three, right? And you Aka-san?” Kaminari says. “Hm?” I ask confused. “Oh yeah! The hero killer!” Sero says making me tense up, then I feel a hand on my hand and with the corner of my eyes, I see that it’s Katsuki who is glaring at Sero. “I’m glad you guys made it out alive! Seriously.” Kirishima says, then everyone started talking about it and I started trembling, for fear, sadness or angry, I didn’t know. “Come on, let’s sit. I’m going to tell you everything that Best Jeanist did to me.” Katsuki says ignoring everyone, making me sit on my place while he sits on his and starts talking making me stop listening to the others while I smile at him. “Thank you, Katsuki.” I think watching his face while he talks.

Everyone was in front of All Might, everyone in their hero costumes, and I could feel someone’s eyes on me. “If you take a picture it will last longer.” I say flirting to Katsuki. “Why if I have the real thing in front o me?” He flirts back, smirking. “Kacchan...and Aka-chan...are flirting...oh my god...” Izuku mumbles quietly while Ochaco giggles beside him. “Anyway, we’ll start now. Right. It’s hero basic training! Long time no see, boys and girls! How have you been? We’ll have some fun with a rescue training race today!” All Might says. “If we are doing rescue training, then shouldn’t we do it at USJ?” Lida asks. “That place is for training for disasters. Do you remember what I said? That’s right! I said race!” All Might responds to him. “This is Field Gamma! A dense are filled with factories laid out like an intricate labyrinth. You’ll break up into three groups of five-person groups and one of six-person groups, and go through the training one group at a time It’s a race to see who will rescue me first!” All Might explains too excited. “Of course, you’ll have to keep damage to the building to a minimum.” All Might says pointing at Katsuki making me laugh. “Don’t point at me!” Katsuki says embarrassed then we started, the first group went, and Sero won, then others groups went and it was finally my group turn. “Good luck everyone.” I say to them smirking. “Aka is going to win.” Katsuki says to the others who were watching. “I think that too.” Izuku says. “Who said you could agree with me, DEKU?!” Katsuki screams. “Ready? Go!” All Might screams, then everyone starts running while I stay in my place. “What the hell is she doing?” Katsuki asks confused then suddenly I disappear. “I win!” I say touching All Might. “.......huh?” All Might says confused. “WHAT?!” Everyone screams. “Young Aka how did you arrive so fast?” All Might asks me shocked. “ I teleported here.” I say smiling while my group sighs for losing. “That’s my girl.” Katsuki thinks smiling.

Note:Hope you like it! New chapter every Friday!

Tag List: @holaaaf @clickbait-official

[popculturebuffet]

The Life and Times of Scrooge McDuck: The Buckaroo of the Badlands “It’s the Glory of Achievement that Counts”

Hello you beautiful people and WELCOME BACK. It’s been a LONG time since I returned to this series hasn’t it? But I couldn’t put it off any longer especailly with a LOT of projects to do in February, so i’m pleased as punch to bring this series back for another round. And since like last time a lot of the behind the scene’s for this one can be dolled out as we go, join me under the cut as we get into some cowboy adventures with Srooge.. and President Teddy Rosevelt.  Bully!

When we last left Scrooge almost a month ago, He’d decided, after bottoming out in riverboating, like many young men of his generation to Go West and seek his fortune and took up work on the Wabash Cannonball to do so.  So via letter we find out Scrooge eventually made enough money and has now afforded enough to take a train west, as a passenger. He’s also 15 at this point.. had to look that up because again, the comic dosen’t tell us the date.. and it’s you know been two months. He runs into a man selling square eggs who was SUPPOSED to be the professor from the Barks Story Lost in the Andes.. but he apparnelty died or something like that, and Barks was left to use another minor character in a way that didn’t make sense either it turned out and I don’t really feel like getting into. Point is the square eggs from that story make a cameo and Scrooge gets square egg all over his face after assuming the guy was just full of square chicken shit.  It’s then Scrooge runs into Jesse James, pre assasination by the coward robert ford, who shows up to the train to rob it.. but Scrooge tricks him when he and his crony take stock of Scrooge’s valuables, claming theirs jewels in the teeth of the golden dentures.. before slamming hard on them and giving the guy a bite and with their guns jammed and Scrooge prepared to beat them senseless, Jesse and goon wisely flee. Scrooge yells after them.. but the train speeds up to make distance between them and the bandits.. and accidenlty dumps Scrooge off, leaving him lost and alone in Montana. 

Thankfully it dosen’t take him long before he runs into people, specifically a cattle drive and wants to join them as a rootin tootin cowboy. Turns out the Cattle Baron and head of the drive, Murdo Mckenzie a real life cattle baron, is a fellow Scot and a nice enough guy to take Scrooge on, especially because Scrooge, due to his time on the cattle boat to get to america, has cattle experince. He just needs to ride a horse and he’s set.. but Scrooge never has.. and is put on their roughest horse the windowmaker

Thankfully in a really funny sequence, Scrooge’s money belt is clipped, so he stays on and while he looses his other clothes. So Murdo hires the naked 15 year old on a horse....

Thankfully this isn’t nearly as horrifying as it sounds as Murdo makes him put his clothes back on first, and let’s him keep the horse as he needs him for a special job. Also Scrooge calls himself Buck McDuck because it’s more of a cowboy name and not everyone can pull of cowboying without one on their first day. What i’m saying is the creed i live by every day.. not everyone can be Droopy. All you can do is try to be that cool.

The job is to guard his prized angus steer he imported for a fortune from Scotland, which it’s current handlers the McViper brothers object to, though Murdo shrugs them off. Naturally with a name like McViper they were planning on stealing it. Seriously who hires someone with the name McViper unless your planning to try and murder batman with a nest of vipers or a viper shaped tank or a buzzsaw shaped to look like your dad who never loved you enough. 

So we then get a time passing montage via a letter Scrooge wrote. Originally this was supposed to be the majority of the story.. but Rosa’s editor rightly pointed out that while showing Scrooge as inexpericed and still not quite to his full strength yet was fine.. Rosa overdid it with his gags and made him look like a moron. So the finished product wisely dialed it back to just the horse riding gag. Honeslty it was the right call as his excitment to be a cowboy and episodes with the horse show he’s still got a ways to go and is far from the duck we know now, while the earlier fight on the train shows he’s still plenty badass. he’s just not properly seasoned yet. It’s how he is for the first third of the story: an idealisic teen who is slowly learning the ways of the world and finding good reason to do what he does and learning his morals. It’s the middle part that breaks him into the man he is today and the last one is the early days of that man and the horrible mistakes that cost him quite a bit: his family, his love for adventuring and nearly his soul.   We get a few gags about crossing the planes and the reveal Donald renamed his horse after his sister hortense due to his horse’s bad temper. Hortense takes it as you’d expect.. by snapping off part of her mother’s chair with her bare beak in a rage and grumbling. 

Scrooge is finishing up another letter by the time we cut back to him, the drive having almost reach the ranch in Montana... only for the McViper’s to conk scrogoe on the head and take the steer towards the Dakota territory and the real life Dakota Badlands, because now as ever Rosa loved to set his stories in cool real life locations. After Murdo finds him and wakes him up, and fully buys his story since the McViper’s were acting suspcious.. which is kinda like saying water is wet or Rudy Guliani is a moron but regardless buck mcduck rides again and eventually makes his way to the badlands. Which are awesomely rendered and really do look like that. 

As you can see our hero finds someone in need.. and it’s Teddy Fucking Roosevelt!

As you can tell I love the guy. Really need to look into him more, but eveyr time I read his trope page or hear something about the man i’m in awe. He’s not without flaws, he was  man of the 1800′s and 1900′s, he supported eugenics.. but he was also the first “accidental” President (I.e. a vp who got the role) to formally win despite being given the roll soley to keep him out of the chair due to being a boisterous loveable maniac, invited Booker T. Washington, who I also need to look into, to the white house as the first African American to get invited to dinner there, founded so many parks they had to make the national park service, and supported women’s rights his whole political career. The man is larger than life and respecte din fiction and I intend to make a story with him as a cybernetic frankenstein one day because i’m kinda nuts too and relate to him. He also has a quote I find endlessly relevant after the last 4 years of misery. 

"This country has nothing to fear from the crooked man who fails. We put him in jail. It is the crooked man who succeeds who is a threat to this country." So yeah on top of everything else.. he’s smarter than pretty much the entirety of the modern republican party on top of that, not a HIGH bar to clear mind you but still. He cleared it. 

So naturally someone who was basically a real life Scrooge who, while not having earned his money, used it well and never stopped explorin, and also named his son Kermit for some reason, Rosa was not only a huge fan but couldn’t resisit putting him in the story as Scrooge’s mentor once he found out they were in the same area at the same time. He’s also the first one I feel changes him as a person.. his parents set down the foundation and Pothole was.. there I guess.. I mean he ran his first buiness thanks to him and had his first feelings that being rich isn’t an endgoal, But it’s Teddy who helps him realize one of his most important and lasting charactert traits: his love of adventure for the experince of it just as much as the prize. 

And we quickly get to that as Scrooge, after running into a dinosaur skeleton and then letting Teddy free, takes him along with him and finds out Teddy is rich, college graduate and former poltician too, and is out here simply because cattle ranching is way more exciting. Scrooge questions this as .. why do this? He’s rich, he dosen’t need to and Scrooge honestly wishes he was born rich instead. But Teddy shoots that down: He missed being born poor like Scrooge.. because being born wealthy is no acomplishment. You just get handed money to do whatever... but earning it with your own hands, the experinces that lead there.. that’s the real treasure and that’s why he’ll never stop. And he sees that in Scrooge, pointing out someone who didn’t LOVE adventure.. wouldn’t of leaped at a dinosaur skeleton without a second thought, all to save someone he just met. It’s what makes Scrooge likable: Sure he’s a greedy dick.. but he’s one who will never be satisfied, and who only stopped when he was close to death accoridng to Rosa, and even then i’m sure his and Goldie’s retirment wasn’t ENTIRELY peaceful or event free. HIs love of adventure and finding new discoveries and new worlds and ones lost to time... that’s infectious and what makes his stories, and the character work so well. And Rosa has him discover it beautifully, realizing that he never would’ve been satisfied even with cushy family money and that he truly does like this.. he still wants to be rich and understandably so, but he can have some fun along the way and afterwords. 

So truly changed by this Scrooge gets back to tracking and TR helps by... asking some local Native American Buffallo Hunters since he knows their expert trackers and while they haven’t seen the mcvipers they can SMELL them, and with a location , and his first apprication for other cultures, Scrooge and TR head up top to lasso em up... and while Scrooge grabs one.> TR grabs a bear and the insuing chaos, including Scrooge refusing to use up his bullets because “Do you know how much bullets cost”

So in short the mcvipers end up chased by the bear, the native americans end up chased by a buffalo with a skull on it’s head and Scrooge ends up on the Angus. Teddy sums it up best. 

It’s a great comedic set piece.. and leads to Murdo arriving and our heroes emerging, with the angus and tow and victorious. For his help and bravery, Scrooge is awarded the job as manager of the land, and while he plans to leave in a few years to find his fortune, it’s a good steady job he can help his family with and learn some skills so why not. TR leaves him with some last words of ecnouragment and says “There’s the makings of a great man” as he rides off into the susnset.. and his clothes once agian head the other way. 

Final Thoughts: Buckaroo of the Badlands is a solid chapter. After the overly long Master of the Missippi, this is a welcome return to form, with a hell of a guest star, an intresting setting and some fun slapstick. It also reminded me not EVERY chapter is super long, as most are only 13 pages but Rosa packs a LOT into them, and uses each one wisely. Overall an excellent return to the series and I hope to pick it up eveyr now and again between whatever I have scheduled for the day.. and to look into Teddy. Seriously what a man, what a man what a mighty good man. Next Time Scrooge meets another mentor, a future foe, and the lonliness of being rich Teddy warns him about here in “Raider of the Copper Hill” Until the next Rainbow, it’s been a pleasure. 

[chucklegigglechortlesnort]

MY B O Y S :( Yaku get your ass back here. I miss you. I love nekoma too much. could I request manager for Seijoh?

YESSSSSSS IVE THOUGHT ABOUT THESE WAY TOO MUCH CAN YOU TELL???

Seijoh Manager Headcanons:

Alright so by SOME miracale you manage to sneak your way into being Seijohs manager, which the whole team is pretty surprised by.

Save for maybe Oikawa - who got you the position - or Iwaizumi.

I say this because there’s literally NO WAY, with Oikawas reputation, that they let just some random person be manager for the sake of making goo goo eyes at him all through out practice.

They made this mistake during his first year and it didn’t take long for them to learn their lesson.

So the only way you’re manager is if you’ve known Oikawa your whole life and therefore are aware of how annoying he is, or if you’re related to him. Let’s go with the former. Because I love the childhood friends cliche that’s my SHIT.

So if you’ve known Oikawa since childhood, you’ve definitely known Iwaizumi since childhood. Therefore, the coaches let you on the team not only because Oikawa knew you, but Iwaizumi put in a good word for you as well.

Doesn’t matter if you have other hobbies or interests in clubs, Oikawa is dragging you into this whether you like it or not.

You’re already familiar with the third years upon taking up the manager position, so they’re not too intimidating. Matsukawa didn’t really talk to you much at first but you both bonded over poking fun at Oikawa and a mutual love of memes.

You have a photo of oikawa sneezing where he looks absolutely atrocious that you “accidentally” sent into the group chat once. Makki and Mattsun use it religiously as a reaction image. Oikawa hates it.

You don’t talk to your fellow first years too muc, except for Watari, who’s pretty friendly. Kunimi doesn’t seem to interested in conversation and Kindaichi visibly tenses up whenever you try to talk to him, so you figured you’d have the coming years to bond with them.

Oh, and did I mention? You get invited to all the Seijoh sleepovers.

Since you’ve been friends with Oikawa your whole life, sleep overs weren’t a new thing for you. His whole family knows and adores you and you have your own seperate room at the Oikawas so your parents aren’t worried about you sleeping in a room full of teenage boys.

These sleepovers are absolute chaos

Every sleepover cliche you can name? You’ve done it. Pillow fights? Check. Often ends in bruises and ice packs. Nerf Gun wars? Iwaizumi always wins. Mario Kart? Makki plays dirty. Monopoly? Who will land on board walk this time? Trick question the answer is Mattsun. Wii sports? That’s your shit. Oikawa never wins at anything. He hates it. But he does build the best pillow forts, courtesy of all his practice with Takeru.

You’ve definitely heard every one of these boys rip ass. Even Oikawa. Sorry, I don’t make the rules. If you think for one second that they’re gonna hold it in because you’re around you’ve got another thing coming hon. Once you’re all in a private setting together all bets are off.

Jealous fan girls definitely bombard you with questions of what it’s like to be around “Oikawa-senpai” all the time, and say how lucky you are to get to be around him every day. Oh the things you could tell them, you could ruin this whole man’s career. Some even come up to you for advice on how to ask him out?? And that’s never something you know how to answer.

Kyotani’s strange respect for Iwaizumi is one of the most baffling things you’ve ever seen. You’ve tried to figure it out but honestly you don’t think you ever will. He’s an enigma and avoids you at all costs. prolly bc you’re a girl and he’s intimidated by you lmao

He still respects you tho. More than he does oikawa at least HA

By the middle of the year Kunimi and Kindaichi are progressively warming up to you and you now have a first years group chat and sit together at lunch at least twice a week. Kunimi seems to gravitate to you more than Kindaichi but you don’t push it.

You are team mom. Oikawa jokingly got you and Iwaizumi matching mom and dad sweatshirts that say “Team Mom” and “Team Dad” on them. Iwaizumi refuses to wear his but you’re more willing to play along and will wear it when you go out with the team for ramen after games.

Iwaizumi wore it to one of the sleepovers once and you forced him to take a live picture with the both of you showing off the sweatshirts.

It’s now your lock screen background and he grumbles every time he sees it.

He seceretly loves it. Good luck getting him to admit it tho.

Oikawa has a pic of you asleep on iwa-chan’s shoulder with the sweaters on and he thinks it’s one of the most adorable things in the world. The best part is, Iwaizumi wouldn’t stop him because he was too worried about waking you up, so he just sat there and let it happen. What a sweetheart. Oikawa thinks himself a master comedian.

One upside to being seijohs manager is that fuck boys stay the hell away from you. They just automatically assume you’re dating Oikawa which is bothersome to an extent, but if it keeps the thots away you have no reason to complain. Even those that don’t think that are usually too intimidated to approach you because your friend group is essentially the seijoh volley ball team.

However a downside is that you never really know who’s befriending you for the sake of trying to get closer to oikawa which is a bit of a bummer. You’ve grown pretty skeptical of your peers and sadly your friends outside the volleyball team are far and few between.

That’s okay tho because they fill up a huge hole in your heart and you couldn’t ask for a better, or more entertaining group of people to surround yourself with.

It was a huge hit when they didn’t make it to championships though and it was even worse watching the the third years leave never having achieved their goal.

You knew you’d always have oikawa, he was basically family to you and by default you’d always have Iwaizumi. But Mattsun and Makki were going on different paths, and despite knowing them for only a year they had effectively made their way into your heart.

Oikawa is the most dramatic about it though, pulling you into a bone crushing hug and refusing to let go of you despite all your protests.

There’s one last goodbye sleepover for the whole team, Iwaizumi even wears his dad sweatshirt one last time for the occasion. There’s mario kart and wii sports, monopoly and nerf wars, and no one is able to sleep that night, not even Kyotani.

It’s a bittersweet goodbye and you didn’t expect to be this emotionally moved by the end of the year.

You keep in constant contact with oikawa and iwaizumi following their graduation (which you attended) and make sure to spend lots of time with them as well as mattsun and makki whenever they return for breaks. There are still sleepovers with the five of you, but the rest of the team as well as the new set of first years are less inclined to participate now that oikawa isn’t the captain anymore.

Oikawa still visits the team every once and a while to pester Yahaba about his role as captain, making sure he was doing a good job filling his shoes. He’ll even participate in practices and teach whoever’s the new setter how to cater to their spikers. It’s pretty wholesome to witness. Makes you miss the old days.

Ngl I don’t know how i’m feeling about these, but I can’t think too much about it or I’ll chicken out on posting :/

~tre

[chickensarentcheap]

Best Part of Me -Chapter 90

Warnings: none 

Tagging @c-a-v-a-l-r-y​, @innerpaperexpertcloud​, @tragiclyhip​, @alievans007​

“I have a serious bone to pick with you,” Riley scolds, thousands of miles away in her dorm room at Colorado State. Clad in a black and green plaid hunting jacket that’s miles too big on her petite frame, vibrant red hair tucked up into a ‘trucker style’ ball cap. “Why did I have to find out about this from Douchey McDouche Face?”

Despite there being a near fourteen year age difference between them and no blood ties whatsoever, their relationship has always been strong; even with the familial drama and the miles that have continuously kept them separated. Esme can vividly remember meeting her for the first time; a then three year old gazing up at her -all of seventeen- with pure adoration and idolization. That cute little ginger with her massive green eyes and her already fiery personality; drawn to Esme and her then tomboyish style and her penchant -despite her own small stature- for full contact sports.  She can even recall how good it had felt; having someone that DID look at her that way.

For years she'd been practically invisible; the last child between her mother and father, treated as if there’d been simply no love left to bestow on her after piling it on five boys. Her father had been her only source of real affection; the only person who’d ever showed pride in her achievements and never dragged her down for her choices or belittled her passions and interests. When he died, everything went to shit. While her mother’s   toxicity increased and she kicked the emotional abuse up several notches, her brothers had all tried -in their obnoxious and overbearing ways- to step up and take their father’s place in her life. They’d all failed, causing her to become uncharacteristically sullen and withdrawn; prone to cutting when the depressions and feelings of inadequacy hit especially hard and her mother no longer hide her rapidly growing hatred for her only daughter. Life had been pretty dark; many moments where she thought the world would be a better place without her in it and she’d actually been in possession of handfuls of pills and had the desire -and the chance- to end the suffering.

Then ‘The Sarge’ had come along. Filling that fatherly role without expecting or demanding it; letting her call the shots and make the moves when it came to accepting him into her life. And he’d ‘shown up’ in ways her mother and brothers never bothered; quietly and lovingly, showing interest in her life and valuing her opinions and thoughts and getting involved in the things she enjoyed. She was no longer the only one on the wrestling squad or the lacrosse team or at swim meets without someone there to support her. Sarge would always be there; sitting in the front row, enthusiastically cheering her on and nudging other parents with his elbow while proudly declaring “that’s MY girl!”.

And just when she thought things couldn’t possibly get better, they did.  Sarge was granted full custody of his only child; her mother choosing her career over that adorable redhead. Despite their age difference, she and Riley had become inseparable. Happily and willingly taking the little girl to the movies or the mall; listening to preschool gossip while out for dinner at McDonalds, letting the little girl climb into bed with her during thunderstorms or after a bad dream. Over the years they’d both been branded as  the ‘black sheep’; ostracized  for their ‘lifestyle choices’ and how ‘wayward and lost’ they’d managed to become.

Nothing brings two people together like shared alienation and pure hatred and spite for their ‘enemies’.

“I didn’t want to bother you,” Esme attempts to reason, as she conducts the video chat in one of the ICU’s private family meeting rooms.  “I know finals are coming up. And you’ve been busy with placement. I didn’t want to add THIS to your plate.”

She’d left Tyler in extremely compassionate hands: a quiet and gentle Andy, who’d been standing over his sleeping friend and in the midst of a traditional Aboriginal blessing and prayer for healing.  She’d had to leave;  the purity and the beauty of both Andy’s heart and the moment too profound for her already fragile emotions to handle.  Instead she spends the time with both her sister and Addie; the infant cuddled close to her chest, a receiving blanket emblazoned with images of Baby Dumbo covering her as she nurses.  She had terribly missed even the simplicity and familiarity of such a common occurrence; the light weight of her daughter’s tiny body against hers, those tiny hands that gently  knead at her breast or grab at her necklace and reach for her hair.

“THIS is my brother in law,”  Riley says. “You know how much I love the guy. How much he’s the cat’s ass and I totally approve of how he treats you like a queen.”

“You’re one of the few people in my life who do. Love him.”

“Well NOT everyone can have exceptional taste.   They’re just bitter and jealous. You got out of that shit hole and away from their crap.   They’re all still stuck in and thriving on it; too chicken shit to ever think on their own, in fear of pissing off Mommy Dearest. Tyler’s the best thing that came along to that family in...well...forever.  They’re just pissed they can’t control him; that he gives zero fucks about any of them and doesn't shy away from letting them know.”

“Mommy Dearest still insists he’s the WORST thing to ever happen. That I’ve somehow been forced into this life and he’s somehow brainwashed me and has some strong and powerful hold over me that keeps me around.”

Riley gives a derisive snort.

“I mean even in her condition, she still managed to send me an email asking me when I was going to get my shit together and realize ‘that man’ is nothing but poison and bad news.  She didn’t even remember the twins’ birthdays or Millie’s. Or she did and just didn’t give a shit. She’s always treated those kids differently from the rest. All because she has this stupid, imaginary axe to grind against Tyler.”

“Fuck her,” Riley snarls. “You’re way too good for her. For that whole damn family. You always have been. And he is DEFINITELY way too good for them. Probably why none of your brothers like him; he makes them feel inferior and most definitely puts their masculinity into doubt. They’re probably pissed off their wives think of him when they’re flicking the bean.”

Esme frowns. “Riley!”

“Please tell me you’re still not bringing your bullshit; the whole insecurity crap. Who cares if other women lust after your husband? Or if they get themselves off thinking about him? Who is the one HE is getting off in person?  Who gets to have THAT going down on her whenever she damn well wants? Cut your shit; he only has eyes for you.”

“It’s not him I don’t trust.”

“He knows how to say no. I’m sure he has, many times.  No one else exists in his eyes. There’s not one woman in this world that would make that man unfaithful. So stop. Let other women...and probably more than a handful of men...fantasize about him. You get the real thing. I mean, he is so hot, he almost turned ME straight. Almost.”

Esme laughs at that.

“And that last picture you sent? The family one you guys did before Christmas? Whoa! Dude is looking thick and buff as fuck! What are you feeding him?”

“His favourite meal. Remember what he told you THAT was?”

“I sure as shit do! It’s the same as mine. Atta boy. The man from down under likes to spend a lot of time down under. That’s the spirit! And speaking of my favorite Aussie, what the fuck Tyler? What kind of god awful shitty mess did you get yourself caught up in?”

“Godawful shitty mess does not even begin to accurately describe what happened, believe me.”

“I called your place because I wanted to come down and visit for a couple of weeks next month. Finally see Australia! Bring the new girl for you all the meet. Cuddle my nieces and nephews and spoil the shit out of them with presents and candy.  And what do I find out? What does Fire Chief Dick for Brains tell me?”

“I’m sorry, Ry. I should have called you. I just didn’t want to burden you. I know you have a lot going on with school and placement and your social life and…”

“Fuck all of that. None of that matters. You’re my sister. That’s my brother in law. The father of my nieces and nephews. You’re my family.  All that matters to me is you guys.”

“Please don’t take it personally. It’s just a huge mess and my brain is not functioning at a hundred percent right now. All I’ve been concentrating on is him.  He’s my number one priority right now; helping him heal and getting him out of here and sent to a hospital back home. I didn’t purposefully leave you out.”

“Do you need me to come? Just say the word MeMe. I’ll get on the next flight.”

Esme smiles at the nickname; a little something a then four year old Riley had come up with because she couldn’t properly pronounce her new step sister’s name.  “I missed that,” she says. “Hearing you call me that.”

“You’ll always be MeMe to me. Do you need me there? Do you WANT me there? Because I will put everything aside and get to you. You know I will.”

“As much I’d love to see you and have you here, I don’t want you to do that. I want you to concentrate on school and your placement and your new love.  And Tyler would want all that, too. He would not expect you to drop everything for him. He’d give you shit for it, you know he would.”

“He is such a stubborn fuck, I swear. Love the guy, but he does my head in. And this isn’t about expecting it from me; it’s about me wanting to be there for you. I want to be there for you. Let me be there for you.”

“Ry, I love you and appreciate you so much. And I miss you. Terribly. But this isn’t the place for you. You need to stay where you are and concentrate on school and just get on with things.”

“How am I supposed to do that when Tyler is messed up like his? How am I supposed to concentrate on things when you’re going through this?”

“Because that’s what we BOTH want you to do. There is no reason for you to put your life on hold to come here. Everything is so up in the air right now.  There’s no timetable for his recovery; we have no idea how long it’s going to be until he can be sent home. And even then he’s going to be admitted to a hospital there.  It’ll be awhile until he’s home, home.”

“This is just such bullshit,” Riley sighs heavily. “I am so sorry. MeMe. That you’re going through this. I know how much you love him. I can’t even begin to imagine what it’s like; seeing him so torn up. It was bad, wasn’t it. What was done to him?”

“It was pretty damn bad.  He was in really rough shape when he was brought in.”

“How rough?”

“The roughest. Worse than seven years ago. Way worse. He told me that he didn’t want to die, but he was expecting it.”

“Jesus…” Riley breathes. “...for a guy like Tyler to come right out and admit that…”

“It was horrible; seeing him like that. I will never forget that as long as I live. I thought what I saw on the bridge...had to do on the bridge...was awful. But seeing him? After the surgeries and all the wounds so new and fresh?  I can’t even begin to describe it. How it made me feel.”

“I am so sorry,  I am so goddamn sorry.”

“I mean, that’s the love of my life. The father of my kids. The strongest person I’ve ever known. And to see him like that…like this…”  she takes a deep, shaky breath and releases it slowly.  “...it hurts. So much. That’s my whole heart, Riley. HE’S my whole heart.”

“I’m going to come there. To Dhaka. I don’t want you going through this alone. I don’t…”

“I’m fine,” Esme assures her. “I really am. I’m not alone either; a lot of friends are here to help out and watch over me. And now I’ve got this little muffin…” she lifts the edge of the blanket and glances down at Addie; those huge brown eyes staring up at her, then crinkling when the infant smiles.   “...it’s better now that she’s here. Or at least that one of them is here.”

“Do you want me to go to Australia? I can stay at your place, help with the kids. As much as I hate Fire Chief Dick for Brains, I’ll put up with him. Just for you.”

“The kids are fine, I promise. I just miss them. A lot. Once he’s transferred home, it’ll be a whole new ballgame.”

“Any remote idea on what that’s going to be?”

“Two weeks. Three at the most.”

“Shit…”  Riley shakes her head. “...oh Tyler, what the hell bruh…”

“It could have been worse. It could have been a lot worse. There could have been five kids with no daddy.”

“I don’t even want to think about that. How is he now? How is he doing?”

“He’s being weaned off of sedation. He has wakeful moments; periods where he’s pretty lucid.  His memory is shit; he asks the same questions at least six times an hour. That’s just the meds though. They said once the sedation is totally out of him, his brain will go back to normal.”

“Whatever normal is for Tyler,” Riley chides.  

“He’s able to stay up for quite a while. He can carry on a conversation, but he gets confused really easily. And then he gets frustrated and embarrassed and he starts shutting down.  And his emotions are all over the place; joking and somewhat happy one minute,  a weepy mess the next.”

“How’s the PTSD been?”

“Now that he’s more coherent? It’s been a mess. When he wakes up he’s very disoriented and if he’s alone or there’s people in the room he doesn’t know…”

“Freaks out?”

“He loses it. His fight or flight kicks in. And you know Tyler…”

“Always picks fight.”

Esme nods.  “And he doesn’t know what he’s doing or saying when he’s like that and he’s freaking out because he thinks I’m dead and no one can convince him otherwise. A PSW came in; while I was out. Woke him. To wash his hair and trim his beard.”

“Oh no…”

“He fucking lost it, Ry.  Which I knew would happen and is why I told them NOT to send someone in.  He just went off. It took four people to hold him down, and that was AFTER they gave him sedation. You would have thought nothing was wrong with him; that’s how hard he fought.  This is a man who can’t even walk right now. And he still scared the shit out of the PSW. Threatened to break his neck with his bare hands and told him how he’s done it before. Many times. Then told him he’d rip his head off and shove it up his ass.”

“So what’s the difference in him after all this? That sounds like Tyler on a good day.”

Esme can’t help but laugh.  “I think he made the PSW piss his pants.”

“Serves him right if he can’t follow instructions. Is it in his chart? That no one is supposed to come in?”

Esme nods.

“Well fuck him then.  Read the patient’s chart. It’s not that hard. Is it wrong that I’d give my right arm to see him rip someone’s head off and shove it up their ass? I bet he could do it too. I bet he’s done shit that defies logic.”

“Well he did once kill two people with a garden rake.”

“How fitting. A Rake, using a rake.  Perfection.  What’s his injuries like? Kyle says they’re pretty gnarly.”

“Why do you sound so pleased at the thought?”

“I’m in nursing school. This shit excites me. I can’t help it.”

“Gunshot wound to the back, lots of stitches, a torn MCL and ACL, open fracture of the right femur…”

“Do you have pictures of it?”

“Of what?”

“His femur.”

“Hell no, I don’t. Why would I want pictures of that?”

“Because that would be fucking amazing to see. Was it a true open fracture? Bone protruding and everything?”

“I guess. His friend said the bone was showing.”

“That is wild. I would have loved pictures; before AND after.”

Esme grimaces. “You’re disturbed.”

“Did they give him an ilizarov?”

“They said it would be on for a least three months. He is NOT happy.”

“Can you take pictures of that? And the gunshot wound?”

“Riley…”

“For scientific reasons, I swear. I just want to see them. I could even show my one prof and Tyler could be a case study.”

“I’d rather my husband NOT be one, thank you. He’s not your show and tell project.”

“Just go and take a couple pictures. Please? Pretty please? With  whipped cream and sprinkles and a cherry on top?”

“He’s sleeping. I am not going in there and waking him up because you're a freak.”

“Best time to do it; when he’s sleeping.”

“I would never do that to him. There’s this thing called consent. I don’t know if you’ve ever heard of it…”

“When he wakes up, ask him if you can take pictures. If you tell them they’re for Red, he’ll be good with it. I know he will. He loves me.”

“He does, actually.”

“I can’t wait to see you guys. I’ll come down; once he’s in a hospital there. Sound good?”

“Sounds good.”

“I talked to Mildred by the way…”

“I don’t know how many times I have to tell you, Millie is NOT short for Mildred.”

“Actually, it is.”

“Her name is not Mildred, though.”

“She LOVES when I call her that. Loves it.  Anyway, how grown up is she sounding all of a sudden? It’s like she’s six going on sixteen! What is up with that kid?”

“She’s her father. What more do I have to say?”

“She even sounds like him! The way she says certain words and little sayings she has. I couldn’t believe it; it was like talking to a mini, girl version of him.  Freaky!  She’s pretty pissed, huh? At you?”

Esme sighs. “Unfortunately.”

“I told her to smarten up. That she’s got a great mom and she needs to appreciate it AND you. I told her to get her shit together and respect you. That if her dad finds out what she’s up to, it won’t be pretty. I said that he’ll stick up for her mom no matter WHO is disrespecting her. I think that scared her.”

“There’s nothing she hates more than the thought of her daddy being mad at her. That’s her WORST fear, I swear.”

“Well she needs to cut the attitude. I don’t tolerate that shit. I don’t think I’m the favorite Aunt anymore, by the way.”

“You’re her only Aunt.”

“I guess I’m excommunicated then.  And speaking of being an aunt, let me see my little poop face.”

Esme removes the blanket covering Addie, then holds her onto the arms and places her in line with the camera.

“Oh my God…” Riley gives an excited squeal.  “...look at Auntie Ry Ry’s little poop face! You’re getting so big!”

“You’re kidding, right?” Esme laughs. “She just got into the newborn clothes. She’ll be four months.”

“She’s still grown a lot since the last time I saw her. Look at you, Addie! Look how beautiful you are. Look at how much you look like your mommy! You’re the lucky one, huh? Getting your momma’s looks? She’s smiling, MeMe. That smile is everything! She has Tyler’s smile.”

“It’s the one thing they all inherited. And she also got his appetite. I really need to get back to feeding her and I know it’s not the most pleasant thing to see while trying to have a conversation.”

“I don’t know, MeMe. I’ve had to look at worse things. You’ve got really nice boobs, actually. Tell him I said he’s lucky.”

“You’re too much. But I miss you. I can’t wait to see you.”

“As soon as you guys get home, I’ll be on my way,” Riley promises. “And if you need anything, and I mean anything, you call me. Right away, hear me?”

“Loud and clear.”

“Chin up, okay? He’s got this. He’s a tough shit. He’ll be alright.”

“I know he will,” Esme says confidently, then blows her step sister a kiss in farewell before killing the video feed.

****

She pokes her head into the room when she returns, smiling when she finds him awake and sitting up in bed; the angle of the mattress slowly increasing with each hour, giving his back used to being in different positions and not allowing the muscles to settle and stiffen.

“Hey,” she greets. “You’re awake.”

“I am.”

“What are you doing?”

“I’m texting you. Just taking me forever; hands won’t stop shaking.”

“I’m here, you might as well just tell me what you want to say.”

“I’m gonna send it anyway…” a grin tugs at the corners of his mouth. “...I’m almost done. Be patient.”

“That’s more your thing; being patient.”

“You’ve been plenty patient the last couple of days. There...all done...sent.”

Her phone vibrates within the pocket of her hoodie, and she pulls it out to check the message; smiling at the simple -yet honest and heartfelt- words. “You’re cute,” she gushes. “I’m going to send you one back.”     She steps out into the hall; composing her own text. Just a short and sweet: I love you too.   Accompanied by a selfie of her puckering her lips for a kiss. “Well…” she pokes her head back into the room.  “...did you get it?”

“Yep.”  A broad smile spreads across his face. “Want me to send something back? A dick pic?”

“Not when there’s a tube in it, I don’t. I do have a separate file for them though; where I put all the dick pics you send me when you’re away from home.”

“You’re dirty.”

“You’re the one who sends them! Where’s Andy?”

“He went downstairs to get something to eat. I told him I’d be fine by myself.”

“Pretty awesome, huh? That he can all this way to see you?”

“Yeah, it is.  He’s a good guy; I’m glad I sucked it up and talked to him that day at the school. Why are you poking your head in like that? Why don’t you just come in?”

“I have a surprise for you.”

“Are you naked?”

“You wish.”

“Is it a blowjob?”

Esme frowns. “What is wrong with you?”

“A lot. I probably couldn’t get it up anyway. Not with a tube sticking out of it and all the meds I’m on. What’s the surprise? Want me to close my eyes? Will it make it better?”

“This is going to be an awesome surprise no matter what. But go ahead.”

“You ARE naked, aren’t you. Baby, as much I appreciate your willingness and your effort to make me feel better at all costs, that part of me is not gonna work right now.”

“I am definitely NOT naked. It’s going to be a while before you get to see me with no clothes on. You are nowhere close to being ready for that.”

“You’re underestimating me.”

“That’s one thing I never do, trust me. You want the surprise or not? I promise you, this is an amazing one.”

“Even better than when the kids make me breakfast in bed and cupcakes for my birthday?”

“Even better,” she says, and then waits for him to close his eyes; carrying Addie into the room. “Don’t open them until I tell you to.  I brought you a little visitor.”

“One of those hospital therapy dogs? Like a corgi or some shit?”

“Way better and way cuter.”

“I don’t know, wife. Those are pretty damn cute.”

“Trust me, this is much better and will cheer you up a hundred times more than any dog ever could.”  She stands on the right side of the bed; easier to transfer Addie onto his good arm.  And she removes the receiving blanket draped over her daughter as she leans over the railing; a smile already curving the baby’s lips and her tiny hands reaching for her father.  “No sudden movements, alright? You don’t want to accidentally hurt the surprise. Open your eyes.”

He does as he’s told. A brief moment of confusion etched on his face as he looks down at the baby in his wife’s arms, then up at her. “Are you serious?”

“Andy brought her.  She’s been missing you just as much as you’ve been missing her. Look at her; she’s already smiling at you. She’s so happy to see you. There’s no one she loves the way she loves her daddy.  Wait until you see her little outfit.”

“I thought she wasn’t coming until tomorrow. That Ovi was bringing her.”  His eyes narrow. “How long was I asleep??”

“There was a change of plans; a little something Andy and Ovi came up with together. Here…”  she gently lays Addie along his left forearm; settling the baby’s head in the crook of his elbow. “...look at her little shirt? Isn’t it perfect? Daddy’s little peanut. Andy made it for her.”

“It is perfect. SHE’S perfect.”

“Look at her looking at you...look at that smile..all she sees is her daddy. Not what happened to him. Feels good, right? To have her here? To have her in your arms like this?”

“Yeah…” emotion chokes at him, and he leans down to press a kiss to Addie’s forehead, lightly chuckling when those tiny hands grab at his hair and his nose. “...feels amazing, actually.”

Esme leans into him, draping an arm across his shoulders. “I’m pretty sure she feels the same way. She definitely missed you.”

“I missed her,” he says, and kisses the tip of Addie’s nose. “Daddy missed you so much, baby girl. So much.”   The tears come now; a mixture of relief and happiness combined with the anger and frustration at being laid up and unable to perform even the simplest tasks for himself.

“Hey…” Esme places a kiss to his temple and rubs and squeezes his shoulder. “...it’s okay.  All uphill from here, remember? You’re doing amazing; don’t doubt that. Please don’t doubt that.”

“I didn’t think I’d get this chance again; to see her, hold her. I was pretty damn sure I wouldn’t.”

“Well you’re a tough cookie, Tyler Rake. If there’s anyone on this earth that can survive THAT and do this well, it’s you. I know how much you love proving people wrong. And you’re doing that. I also know how much you want to get out of Dhaka. I know that’s your main driving force for trying as hard as you are.”

“I just want to go home.  Even if it is to a hospital there. I just want to be home.”

“Soon,” she promises. “And if you keep doing as well as you are, it will be even sooner than any of us thought. I don’t want you to hurt yourself though, okay? I know sometimes you try to do to much, too soon. And I don’t want you doing that. I don’t want you busting your ass to the point it sets you back.  I know you don’t want that either.”

“I just want to feel my legs. It’s driving me crazy that I can’t. It freaks me out. I wake up and I forget it’s only temporary and I fucking lose it. You know that’s one of the worst things possible in my eyes; not being able to do things, not being able to have the life I had.”

“There’s no reason to worry about that. In a couple days, you’ll get the feeling back. This too shall pass.  It won’t be a while until you’re back to being the old you, but you WILL get there. I promise.  And you can’t tell me this won’t help. Having Addie here. That it won’t lift your spirits a bit.”

“She already has. She’s lifted them a lot, actually. I didn’t think I’d ever get to do this again. See you, see her.”

“Well, you DID get to do it. We’re here. We’re BOTH here.”  She moves her hand to the nape of his neck, massaging gently.  “Are you okay with her? She seems pretty happy where she is; I don’t think she’s going to want you to put her down anytime soon.”

“I’m good.  I’m not giving her up.  They’d have to pry her out of my cold, dead hands. She’s getting bigger, huh?”

“I thought the same thing when I first saw her. Feels like we’ve been away from her for a lot longer than we have. She’s still super tiny though.”

“She is. Just a wee little thing. Like her momma,” he presses another kiss to Addie’s brow. “Beautiful like your momma too.”

“In case you haven’t noticed by now, daddy is extremely  biased when it comes to mommy,” Esme addresses the infant.  “He always has been.”

“It’s not being biased when it’s the truth. It still feels weird; how light she is. Even Tanner with all his issues was never this small. She’s definitely all you. Now I’ll have two people small enough to pick up and put in my pocket.”

She combs her fingers through his hair and pecks his cheek. “You sure have your cute moments.”

“You seem to bring that side of me out.”

“Well it’s a very nice side.  But I like all your sides, so…”

Smiling, he tips his head up towards her, and she leans down and places a soft, lingering kiss on his lips.

“I know you didn’t agree with it,” she says, when he turns his attention back to Addie. “Her coming here.”

She notices the wince that briefly takes hold of his face; the simple action of using his right hand to tug the baby’s socks back up causing pain in the injured shoulder.

“I was just worried. About her being here if things went to shit again. I know we think they’re all gone; Asif’s people.  But I didn’t want to take that chance. Especially with her.”

“There hasn’t been any movement. Not even a whisper of trouble.  And you know Anil; he’s got all kinds of ears to the ground. I think it’s really over this time. I think we’re finally going to be able to put this place behind us. It’s time; to leave Dhaka behind.”

“I definitely don’t plan on coming back for a visit, that’s for sure. So if you have Dhaka on that ‘places like you’d like to vacation’ list, you can go ahead and erase it right now.”

“I have had enough of Dhaka to last me a lifetime, believe me. You know, you have this real habit of choosing extremely dramatic and painful ways to get out of taking me anywhere.”

Tyler grins. “Neither of the times I bailed on you were intentional, I swear.”

“I think we should stop planning ahead when it comes to going away. It’s like we jinx it somehow; talking about it too soon.  How about next time, we just decide on the spur of the moment to go somewhere? That way we shock the universe with our spontaneity and it doesn’t have time to recover until we’re BACK from our trip.”

“Sounds good to me. And we’re going to need one; a trip. When all this is over. I know it’s going to be a while, but we are definitely going to need a vacation.”

“Well tell your pocketbook to expect Bora Bora or The Maldives. I’m getting my suite on the water.”

“I will get you whatever you want, baby. Whatever your little heart desires.  You just tell me what it is and I’ll do it. I’ll get it for you.”

“You healthy and back on your feet.  That’s all I want.”

“I’m working on it.”

“I know you are,” she kisses his temple. “And you’re doing amazing. I’m so proud of you, Tyler. So fucking proud of you.”

“You’re going to make me cry. Again.”

“I can’t help that you’re so beautiful when you cry. And it would be happy tears, right?”

“Very happy tears.” He lays his palm on Addie’s stomach, all of her fingers wrapping around one of his. “She’s tiny, but she’s strong. Has a hell of a grip.”

“She’s like her daddy. Tough as nails.”

“I don’t know,” he smiles up at her. “I think her momma has me beat in the toughness department.”

“I think…” she places a kiss to his brow, then the bridge of his nose. “...you totally underestimate yourself. He does, doesn’t he, Addie? Underestimate himself. Tell daddy he’s tough as hell and the strongest, bravest person you know. Tell him how the sun shines out of his ass and he poops glitter and pisses rainbows. That’s how you look at him, might as well tell him too. Because his ego isn’t quite big enough, yet.”

He smirks. “My ego took a hell of a beating.”

“Well tell your ego to shut the fuck up,” she affectionately tousles his hair. “There was nothing you could have done, Tyler. You didn’t know this going to happen; that things were going to go this bad. There was nothing to suggest that he who shall not be mentioned was capable of something like that.”

“We both knew he was sketchy as fuck.”

“Being sketchy and being psychotic are two totally different things. You did everything right; you got Neysa and Aarev out, you went back to get him out.  There’s no way you could have known what he was going to do.”

“Should have listened to Koen and left his ass there.”

“Koen said that?”

He nods.

“You remember that? Him saying that?”

“I can remember things that happened BEFORE it all went down.  Things that I said, that other people said. I can remember getting Neysa and Aarev out and going back in to get N...him.  But after that, it’s pretty muddled.”

“But you do remember things?”

“I THINK  I’m remembering them. I THINK  it’s things that happened. I’m not sure though; if they’re real or my brain is just making shit up. I DO remember...vividly...him shooting me in the back. Everything else? I don’t know what’s real and what I’m imagining. And honestly, babe? I don’t think I want to remember.”

“But you might. And that could get pretty scary for you; things coming back to you.”

“I know.”

“Once we’re home, we’ll get you some help okay? Some therapy. For the mental stuff.”

“Alright.”

“I know you hate that side; seeing therapists and talking to strangers and having to take meds. But you know what I hate? Seeing your brain torturing you like it does. I hate that you have to go to war every damn day with your own mind. I just want you to be okay.  You know that, right?”

“I do know that. I’ve never doubted that. Not once in the last seven years.”

“Even the toughest need help, sometimes. And I’ll get you that help. I promise. I’ve got you. Always.  You’re my ride or die, remember?”

“Yeah…” he chuckles. “...you’re mine too.”

“You’re going to be okay,” she assures him. “Inside AND out. You’re already on your way.  And I’m not going anywhere. I'll be here, right beside you, every step of the way.”

“What about after? When I AM better? You still going to stick around? The whole pain meds thing?”

“We talked about that. You know where I stand; about you needing to deal with that. That’s a deal breaker, Tyler. Because I can’t live like that. And I won’t let our kids live like that either. I love you. More than you could possibly ever comprehend. But that? I can’t do THAT.”

“I’ll do whatever I have to. I don’t want to lose you. Or my kids. Whatever I need to do...whatever YOU need me to do...I’ll do it. No hesitations. Whatever it is.”

“We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it, okay? Let’s concentrate on what we’re going through right now. One thing at a time.  I don’t want you to worry about anything else, alright?”

He nods. “I love you. I always have. I always will.”

“I love you,” she says, and leans down to press a kiss to his lips.   “We’re going to get through this. Our track record for getting through tough shit is at one hundred percent.  I want to keep it that way.”

“Yeah…” he closes his eyes as she rests her forehead against his. “...so do I.”

[purplesurveys]

1047

What’s the most historic thing that has happened in your lifetime? I can think of a few things. There’s 9/11 though I was barely conscious then, Osama Bin Laden’s death, the 2004 Indian Ocean tsunami, 2011 Japan earthquake, and the H1N1 and Covid pandemics. In my country, there were typhoons Ondoy and Yolanda, the Manila hostage crisis, and the Hello Garci election corruption scandal. Out of these, though, I’d say the heaviest ones to bear have been 9/11 and Covid.

What happens in your country regularly that people in most countries would find strange or bizarre?

We use a spoon and fork to eat and only really fancy shmancy restaurants give you a knife and a fork. Many eat with their hands as well, though this is way more common in provinces.

Everyone is late to everything and punctuality isn’t a thing, which is a big culture pet peeve of mine and I still like arriving early/on time anywhere.

This applies to Asia in general lmao, but shoes typically aren’t allowed or at least frowned upon if they go beyond the main entrance of houses.

We start Christmas as early as September, and we end it by the last week of January

When families get together, aunts/uncles will usually greet their nieces/nephews by asking if they already have a boy/girlfriend and/or telling them that they got fat. Horror relatives will greet you with both.

People generally like to keep to themselves, so striking a friendly conversation with strangers even if you have the pure, genuine intention to be simply friendly will just lead them to think you’re being a creep lol

What has been blown way out of proportion? The effects of video games and the question of it increasing violence among kids. Sure there’ve been gruesome accounts and no one’s invalidating those, but the overwhelmingly vast amount of people who play video games end up okay. I had so many killing binges on GTA but to this day I can’t even look at a real gun without shuddering, lol. When was a time you acted nonchalant but were going crazy inside? This is me every morning at work. 9 AM-11 AM is always the busiest period and it’s a lot of shit happening at the same time and a lot of morning deadlines to meet, but unlike college I can’t exactly call for a timeout whenever I want and have panic attacks anymore.

What’s about to get much better? I hope my fucking life is next in line. I’m tired of being tired of being tired.

What are some clever examples of misdirection you’ve seen? Probably all the times WWE would mislead viewers on a rumored return or debut of a big name by saying they’re in another city, implying that there’s no way they’d be appearing on a WWE show. This happened with Ronda Rousey and it was so fucking exciting when she finally showed up, haha.

What’s your funniest story involving a car? I don’t know, really...I don’t try to be funny when I’m on the wheel lol. Probably the time I let Angela use my car on campus, and when she needed to make a u-turn she ended up doing an awkward 90º turn and had an SUV nearly crash towards us. She had only driven a handful of times at that point so she was a little clumsy, but neither of us had any idea she’d fuck up a simple u-turn as badly as she ended up doing lmao.

What would be the click-bait titles of some popular movies? I can think of more clickbait posters than titles, but I can’t seem to remember what those films are called right now.

If you built a themed hotel, what would the theme be and what would the rooms look like? Themed hotels generally make me cringe. The most theme-y place we ever stayed at was the lodge in Sagada and it was really just more homey than anything. I’m not into themes when it comes to hotels as I find it a little cheap lol and I’ve always preferred a straightforward experience in the places I stay at for vacations.

What scientific discovery would change the course of humanity overnight if it was discovered? A way to live forever. < This is a good one. Also, maybe a huge asteroid or meteor bound to hit the planet that will make widespread extinction a certainty? I can’t even begin to imagine the panic that will rise from something like that.

Do you think that humans will ever be able to live together in harmony? I doubt it. It sounds difficult especially when you realize we’re 7 billion in total.

What would your perfect bar look like? As long as there aren’t any annoying younger college kids, who are almost always the loudest crowd and not in a good way, I’m okay with any kind of bar.

What’s the scariest non-horror movie? Some shots in 2001: A Space Odyssey are freaky as fuck. There were several scenes that included sudden HAL shots, and I did not enjoy those. How the fuck Kubrick managed to make a computer scary is beyond me. I’ve also always skipped the vortex scene with the creepy face shots after seeing it once.

What’s the most amazing true story you’ve heard? This is a really vague question... a few months ago I watched this video diary of parents who had a child born at like 25 weeks. Just way too early, basically. And they recorded the kid’s weekly progress, how she kept fighting, and her journey of being transported from one machine to another while she still needed them. It was beautiful to see her get bigger and plumper with each week that passed and it was just such a feel-good story to watch. I was so relieved when they showed footage of her as a normal, healthy toddler by the end of the clip.

What’s the grossest food that you just can’t get enough of? I know balut is pretty unpopular in the Western part of the world, but I’ll gladly eat a dozen of them in one sitting. In general Asian street food is usually considered gross - pig intestines, chicken intestines, chicken feet, pig ears, etc., but all are normal in the culture I was raised in.

What brand are you most loyal to? It’s annoying and I can’t help it, but Apple.

What’s the most awkward thing that happens to you on a regular basis? I try not to make it regular, but sometimes a mistake on my end will slip through in an email I’m sending and I have to send another email correcting myself and apologizing for the oversight. One of my least favorite parts about work.

If you had to disappear and start a whole new life, what would you want your new life to look like? I’m not wishing for much. I just wish it was easier to remove any trace of me on social media sites and have it be as if I never existed because I think that would make it easier for me to move on from...well, you know what. I still have trouble verbalizing it and I don’t feel like mentioning it tonight.

But idk, I like staying connected to my family and friends, so idk if I can ever achieve that. And that said, I think I’m bound to always keep seeing her around.

What movie or book do you know the most quotes from? I memorize a pathetic amount of dialogue from Love Actually, Twilight, Titanic, and The Proposal.  What was one of the most interesting concerts you’ve been to? I guess Coldplay? They gave assigned lightsticks for each section and the crowd looked amazing when the production crew activated the lights for certain songs. I still have some of the clips because I posted them on Snapchat, so I’m really glad I did that; otherwise I would’ve lost the videos forever.

Where are you not welcome anymore? I’ve felt pretty unwelcome around her. How she could do a 180 and just not be interested in having anything to do with me is really soul-crushing.

What do you think could be done to improve the media? Fact fucking check, please. Also keeping sources balanced, avoiding clickbait headlines, being more objective than neutral, and don’t fucking sensationalize. How timely that this landed on a journalism graduate, hahaha.

What’s the most recent show you’ve binge watched? Start Up but I haven’t continued in the last two weeks :/ I think it’s because I know I’m nearing the finale and I subconsciously just don’t want to run out of Start Up episodes to watch lol but yeah, I still have four episodes left and I have no clue when I’ll watch it again.

What’s a common experience for many people that you’ve never experienced? Being close with their mom and considering them as their rock.

What are some misconceptions about your hobby? I don’t know enough about embroidery to know misconceptions about it.

What did you Google last? 2001: A Space Odyssey because I needed to be sure of the scenes I planned on citing in the question above that made me mention the movie.

What’s the dumbest thing someone has argued with you about? Not being able to find a restaurant to eat at. The backstory is a little complicated but it’s the same fight that led my younger brother to slap me across the face, and what subsequently led me to stop speaking to him.

If money and practicality weren’t a problem, what would be the most interesting way to get around town? Probably a tank.

What’s the longest rabbit hole you’ve been down? It’s always the ones on Wikipedia lol. I find weird and interesting articles on there all the time; there’s always something new to read.

What odd smell do you really enjoy? The rain, though sometimes it can be too overpowering when the humidity has been high. I like it for the most part, though.

What fashion trend makes you cringe or laugh every time you see it? Streetwear is so fucking dull to me. I never saw the appeal.

What’s your best story of you or someone else trying to be sneaky and failing miserably? Hahahaha this happened just a few weeks ago actually. My parents and I were headed out to have some ramen, and I opened the car door to hop onto the backseat. They didn’t prepare beforehand and they left the Christmas gift I asked for - a corkboard - in the backseat, so I was able to see the whole thing, unwrapped and with price tag and all. Their mortified faces knowing that their secret’s been blown were hilarious. They had no choice but to just give it up, and the corkboard has been on my wall since.

If you had a HUD that showed three stats about any person you looked at, what three stats would you want it to show? I guess the stability of our relationship, their general mood for the day, and erm how badly they need a hug because I’m always willing to give some.

What’s the best way you or someone you know has gotten out of a ticket / trouble with the law? My mom fake-cries her way out and it’s always been hilarious to see a grown ass woman do it and pull it off every time.

Tear gas makes people cry and laughing gas makes people giggle, what other kinds of gases do you wish existed? I don’t really want to manipulate people’s action in this way, so pass.

[words-writ-in-starlight]

🍪 take a cookie because you deserve it :),, also please tell me about geralt and yennifer and also is the witcher easy to watch without knowing much about the source material ???

I watched three episodes of Witcher with zero context whatsoever, understood everything, enjoyed it hugely, read about 200K of fic, watched three more episodes, read the first book in the series, and finished the show.  As long as you are prepared for the fact that, A, the timelines of the three main characters converge, they are not concurrent, and, B, it’s not Game of Thrones and it’s not trying to be Game of Thrones, you will be ABSOLUTELY fine.

(Do critics just…not use critical thinking skills?  Half of everyone I’ve talked to said that this show was impossible to follow.  It is not impossible to follow.  Yennefer and Geralt are just really old.  Also, everyone and their cousin is like “well it’s not GoT” yeah???? Obviously????  “This isn’t chili” “No, it’s chicken pot pie” “I wanted chili” “Then go have some chili I guess???  This is chicken pot pie.  Still a food, just not that food.”  It’s not Game of Thrones.  If you want Game of Thrones, go watch that instead, or read the books, or maybe watch some Avatar and calm down.  Stop crucifying every fantasy product for not being Game of Thrones II.)

TL;DR: Yeah dude you’ll be totally fine, watch this show.  And then if you don’t mind spoilers for the rest of the (book and game) series, read Astolat’s Witcher fic.

ANYWAY

Geralt and Yennefer.  This got…very long.

Here’s the fairly unique emotion I’m feeling about this relationship: I think it’s absolutely in-character and believable, I’m completely convinced that Geralt and Yennefer would end up together, and I am equally convinced that their relationship has a pretty hard expiration date on it.  I’m not sure I’ve ever actually been interested in a relationship dynamic that I took one look at and went “oh, wow, this is going to break down hard the second your need to help people even when they hate you and her need to get revenge on people who hate her are in conflict.”  That’s very novel for me, because normally I like endgame relationships.  I find breakup drama exhausting.  I have dumped two people ever and both times I was very nice for ten minutes and then very short-tempered for the rest of the conversation.

But I’m really invested in the breakdown here.  And I’m really invested in how completely inevitable the relationship is, despite what I consider to be the equally inevitable calamitous breakup.

The thing is, Geralt has lived his entire life as a witcher, which means that the world is divided into two groups for him: people who are dependent on him as a witcher, and people who hate and fear him as a witcher.  (There are also Other Witchers, but with so few of them left that they fall pretty heavily into the ‘people who depend on him’ category.)  There is a not-inconsiderable amount of overlap in that Venn diagram, but that’s pretty much how it is on this bitch of a Continent.  The people who Geralt is drawn to, in whatever context, tend to be the rare handful who fall outside that binary metric in some way.

Renfri could use help from him, but she’s more than able to handle herself.  In fact, when the chips are down, her final gamble is to just remove him from the field of play, and try to resolve the situation alone.

Triss needs him in a professional capacity, but she brings just as much to the table as he does, both in terms of political knowledge about the striga situation and in terms of dragging his battered ass out of the castle before he can quietly bleed out.  She’s not looking for a rescuer, she’s looking for a tank to complement her glass cannon.

Jaskier needs Geralt to save him (in the show)…but only because he was usually the one to get them into trouble in the first place.  And he sticks around once he’s been saved, once he isn’t depending on Geralt to get him out alive anymore.

Even Ciri, who is absolutely dependent on him in a very literal and legal sense, is distinctly different from the general populace, who need a witcher to pull them out of trouble.  She’s one of probably very few people who’s ever been dependent on Geralt as a person, rather than a hired killer.  Sure, it’s helpful that he can kill anyone who looks crooked at her, but she also needs to eat, and to learn to use a sword, and to be trained in things like magic and languages, and all the things that a kid needs from a parent.  That’s radically different from Geralt’s experience of being depended on as a witcher.

But Yennefer…Yennefer doesn’t need Geralt.  She’s not dependent on Geralt.  She’s not afraid of Geralt in any way, let alone just because he’s a witcher–in fact, she barely seems to notice that he’s a witcher, except in the way that it makes them alike.  Geralt’s taste in partners is obviously “people who are not afraid of him” with very few other requirements, and Yennefer is a powerful mage, someone who would be able to take down a witcher without difficulty.  She’s also well-educated, very clever, and completely fearless about the world in general.  That’s everything Geralt finds compelling, all with the added bonus of an extremely pretty face.  It makes complete narrative sense that Geralt is in love with her.

Incidentally I do not believe that Geralt wished for Yennefer to be in love with him, because it wouldn’t track with the rest of his character and would be a level of vulnerability he works hard to avoid.  I do believe that he might have said something rash like “I wish I wouldn’t lose her” and now they are here.  It’s important to think your wishes through when dealing with an angry wish-granting being.

On Yennefer’s end of things, she has only ever wanted two things: to be respected and to be wanted.  In any capacity that might be available to her.  I think this is really the major driving force of her desire to have children–she’s not overwhelmingly interested in children as a phenomenon, and I think that in another life she wouldn’t want them.  But she said it herself, she wants a child because she always wanted to be important to someone.  It’s not about the kid.  She’s obsessed with the idea that she will always be important to a child.  A child would be completely dependent on her, completely devoted to her, no matter what.

(Side note: this is a bad reason to have kids!  Geralt is right and she would be a bad mother.  She’s also obsessed with having kids because she can’t handle the revelation that she’s not happy with the deal she made, and she’s focused all that discontent into the literal, tangible loss of being able to carry a child.  But “Yennefer actually probably does not want a child and is rampantly projecting all her issues onto the most readily available problem she can find” is a separate post.  Probably the first pregnancy-centric plotline I’ve ever been able to handle without feeling violently dysphoric, though.)

The thing is, when she meets Geralt during the djinn fiasco, he needs her.  He’s dependent on her.  She’s important to him because of what she can do for him, which is how she’s set up her life.  When he comes back to save her, though, he’s not doing it for payment, or for a favor, or for any of the other clean, linear exchanges that Yennefer is used to.  He just…comes back.  For her.  Because she’s a person.

Yennerfer has never been important just as…a person, before.  She’s important as a mage, she’s important as a student, she’s important as a project or a protector.  But from the second Geralt comes back for her, she’s important to him as a person.  The fact that almost any person would be on the level of “important enough to save from a rampaging djinn and their own stupidity” to Geralt is completely superfluous to how hard that hits Yennefer.  Of course she’s in love with him.  Of course she keeps looking for him, keeps pouring on the charm whenever she’s with him–she wants him to keep wanting her.  Because that’s how she knows to make herself important to someone, is to make them want her.

(This is also where it gets interesting with Ciri, because…well, if Yennefer really just wanted kids, she could do worse than the news of the girl who’s Geralt’s daughter in the eyes of the law.  But she’s furious, because her views of family are intensely skewed and limited by her experiences.  Also a separate post that I will probably make after reading some more of the books.)

Regarding the inevitably dramatic breakdown of their relationship (beyond the falling out over the djinn thing, which, see above), I think they’re under the impression that if they do it right, they could stand the test of time.  They’re both extremely long-lived, so the test of time has the potential to be a while, but I frankly don’t think they’d make it outside of a conflict-heavy environment (like, say, a war).  When they have a mutual goal, or at least a mutual enemy, Geralt and Yennefer work together like a right and left hand.  When they do not, they fall apart something fierce, because they’re driven by intrinsically different motives.  Geralt, for all that he tries to be as cynical as possible, has been trained his entire life to protect people, and considers it a worthwhile goal in and of itself.  Yennefer, on the other hand, is as innately self-motivated as Geralt pretends to be, which means that she’s driven heavily by what feels best for her in the moment.  Sometimes that means healing a wounded bard and talking quietly with a witcher about their mutual scars!  Sometimes that means leaving a woman to die for calling her a worthless bitch!  This is a morally neutral statement that I’m making, there’s a generous and an ungenerous way to read Yen’s decisions, but I think we can agree that she’s not exactly following a rulebook here.  Yennefer has her goals and she’s going to achieve them, and fuck you for getting in her way.

Including Geralt.

I think that, virtually without question, Yennefer’s self-oriented hedonistic drive and Geralt’s protection-based code will clash, and their relationship will break down in spectacular fireworks.  Having to self-determine, during peace time, is practically guaranteed to bring those two motivating factors into conflict eventually.  Because during peace time, Geralt will be back to being the hated witcher and Yennefer won’t have a better enemy to focus on than the civilians he risks his life for on the regular.  And Geralt demonstrably does not respond well to that.

[dragonotaku-justineverything]

Majin 21 using her tail to get Jaune off

I fucking loved this ask! Thank you @nate-the-content-creator!

I also really got into this ask. By that I mean 3050 words into it! Hope you all enjoy reading as much as I did writing it. I can also post it to my Ao3 page if you’d all like. Just let me know if I should!

{21′s Counseling Arc} 

Jaune stood outside one of the professors offices in Beacon. This office belonged to Ms. Android 21. He’d had been called to his professor’s office on the weekend, so he wasn’t expecting something good. When he knocked, Ms. 21 had called him inside and told him to close the door. He was a little unnerved but did as he was told on both regards. 

Ms. 21 was sat behind her desk, doing paperwork. When she heard Jaune enter. she leaned back in her chair and smiled. “Hello Mr. Arc.”

“Hello Ms. 21.” Jaune remembered when that should have sounded weird, but after almost a year at Beacon and calling her that, it didn’t even phase him now. He also knew that when she called him “Mr. Arc“, it wasn’t good news.

“Please, take a seat.” 21 gestured to the cushioned chair right in front of her desk, which Jaune did indeed sit down in. “You’re probably wondering why I called you here on your day off from school correct?” Jaune nodded. “Well it’s because I just received this.” She held up a vanilla envelope. “Your report card.”

And just like that, Jaune’s face paled. “R-really? A-and what about it?”

21 sighed and opened the envelope. She took out the sheets of paper and looked at them briefly before extending them out for Jaune to take. Jaune’s hand shook a fair bit as he accepted the papers. As he started to look over them, he heard Ms. 21 speak. “I must say I was pleasantly surprised. I’m proud of you Jaune.”

Jaune glanced up at her in confusion after hearing her use his first name before looking back down at his grades.

Grimm Studies: B-

Combat Class: B

Dust Affiliation: A- 

History: B-

Aura Control and Manipulation: A

Strategic Thinking: A

Jaune stared at the letters. After rereading them four times, he moved on to the comments his other professors wrote. All of which we commenting on how he’s improved recently and is becoming a better student. Except Oobleck, he couldn’t make out a thing that man’s chicken scratch read. But even Professor Goodwitch had written some okay things about him! That was huge!

Jaune felt joy well up inside of him at all of it. This was proof her was getting better! That maybe he was meant to be at Beacon! He couldn’t help but let a goofy smile form on his face as he looked up to his professor. “You really had me Ms. 21! I thought it was going to be like last time!”

21 giggled at her student’s smile. His joy was pretty infectious. Now down to business. “I couldn’t help it. It helped sell the surprise though. However, speaking of the last time you were here, do you remember what I said near the end of our conference?”

Jaune paused to think. It was vague, but he remembered something. “You said that I needed to try harder to do better.”

“Yes I did, which you have, but also promised that if you managed to bring your grades up to a suitable level, I’d reward you personally.” 21 opened a drawer on her desk and pulled out a file folder. She put it on her desk, opened it, then pushed it towards Jaune. “This was your report card from last semester.”

Jaune winced as he saw his old grades.

Grimm Studies: F

Combat Class: D

Dust Affiliation: D- 

History: F

Aura Control and Manipulation: C

Strategic Thinking: C

21 saw his wince when he looked over his past work. “Nothing higher than a C last semester. And now nothing lower than a B-! All you grades went up at least two marks! That’s a great accomplishment Jaune. And the fact that you managed to improve this much in just a single semester is outstanding.”

Jaune turned bashful and started listing off reasons/excuses. “W-well I-I had a lot of help. Pyrrha started training me, Blake made me spend more time in the library,”

“Jaune.”

“-Weiss let me join in on her tutoring sessions with Ruby, and both our teams started have study groups at least once a week and every night before a test!”  

“Jaune!”

21 stopped her student. He fell silent and she smiled warmly. “All of that may be true. Maybe you did get help and needed others to push you a bit. But there isn’t a person alive that doesn’t need help at some point. However, the fact of the matter is that you wanted to get better. So you accepted their help and pushed yourself. If you didn’t want to better yourself, then you wouldn’t have even tried. And that is something to be very proud of Jaune.”

As his teacher reassured him, Jaune felt pride swelling inside him. His eyes grew misty against his will so he rubbed them dry with his sleeve. “Thank you Professor, that…that means more to me than you know.”

21 nodded and then clapped her hand once, suddenly and loud. “Well now we need to move on to the second reason you’re here right now. Since I feel that these grade improvements are easily ‘suitable’, it’s time for your reward.”

“Oh, Ms. 21 I really don’t-”

“Now now, none of that. I promised you I’d reward you personally and I won’t feel right if that was just an empty promise. You did work very hard to achieve this, so I feel like you deserve something in return for your efforts. While you did improve much more quickly than I’d expected, I fully intend to follow through on my word.”

21 stood up from her desk and walked over to the door. “Besides,” She twisted the lock close and brought down the curtain to her door’s window. “I think I thought of something that a hard working young man like you would enjoy very much.”

Jaune turned around in his seat to look at his professor and what she was doing. Ms. 21 stood by her office door, taking off her red glasses before she activated her semblance and turned into her Majin form. Everyone at Beacon knew about her semblance. Most of them also feared it for good reasons. Which is the reason Jaune sprung out of the chair he was in and nearly flipped over 21′s desk. 

Her long auburn hair turned such a pale shade of pink that it was almost white, her skin also turned pink, though a darker shade, her ears grew more angled, and her eyes turned from normal blue eyes to solid black with blood red irises. A smug smirk formed on her face. 

Her clothes changed too. Her red and blue square patterned dress with a white lab coat, black leggings and red and blue shoes seemed to just morph with her body. Now in her Majin form she wore a black tube top that was barely enough to hide the bottom half of her D-cup chest, but did nothing to hide the top half and most of her cleavage. Her pants became white and extremely baggy, held up by a tight gold band around her waist. A gold collar shimmered as it appeared around her neck. In fact the only thing that still remained of her original outfit was the black arm sleeves she wore from her wrist to bicep.

The most noticeable thing however was that she also grew a large, pink tail. It came out through the back of her pants just underneath her golden belt and wagged lazily behind her back.

Jaune was nervous when he saw her enter that form. It only got worse when her red eyes focused on him, and she smirked. Before he could voice any of his numerous questions, 21 disappeared. Like, she just seemed to blip out of reality. 

Though Jaune soon found out where his teacher went when two pink arms reached around from behind him and wrapped around his chest. 21 grabbed her own wrists, fully ensnaring Jaune and pinning his arms down to his side. Jaune proved she had a good grip when he instinctively struggled, but couldn’t get free or move his arms. Jaune stopped trying to break free when he felt a breeze over his legs. He looked down to see why and went wide eyed seeing his pants around his ankles. His face turned rosy red when he saw his underwear was down with his pants, leaving his penis to hang free. ‘Wh-?! H-how!? I-is Ms. 21 just that fast!?’

“Oh you look so cute~!” Jaune was brought out of his thoughts by Majin 21 speaking up. He looked over his right shoulder to see her smiling widely at him from behind him. She squeezed her arms a bit tighter around him, pressing her large, soft chest into his back below his shoulder blades. “My favorite little student has been working so hard~. Now here you are all alone with me~. You look simply adorable and delicious and you’re all mine~!!” Jaune felt something tickle his cheek and snapped his head forward again to look at what it was. 

There, less than two inches from his face, was the tip of 21′s pink tail. It swayed side to side, looking like a cobra ready to strike. It moved forward again to gently, almost teasingly, flick the tip of his nose. He followed it as it slowly moved to his side and up to 21′s own face. 

“Get ready for your reward sweetie~.” Jaune watched as 21 opened her mouth. A tongue at least a foot long roll out. Jaune watched as 21 dragged her long tongue all over her own tail. She sensually moved it up and down her tail and even wrapped her tongue in a complete ring around it as she did. Jaune’s dick slowly began rising from the show. 21 pulled back her tongue and shot her now saliva slick tail downward. 

Jaune looked down when he felt the tail push up his against his dick. 21′s tail bounced his dick up a few times. The attention helped it reach full mast. Feeling him get fully erect, 21 giggled madly while she began coiling her tail around her student’s shaft. Once, twice, three times she fully wrapped her tail around the boy’s cock and his head was still showing! 

“You’re so big! A full meal for me to enjoy~!” 21 giggled again as her tail moved, sliding easily along his shaft thanks to her spit lubing up her tail.

Jaune let out a sharp gasp at the feeling. 21′s tail felt amazing! The appendage that he’d seen crush a training drone in half, lift over 200 pounds in Beacon’s gym, and bat aside an Ursa Major effortlessly was around his cock! It was so soft and warm! It wasn’t like any faunus tail he’d seen before. It wasn’t furry or scaly, it was just silky smooth skin. Wrapped tightly around his shaft and jerking him off.

Velvety soft and warm coils pumped his cock. Squeezing down a bit tighter made Jaune gasp and when they’d loosen he’d feel it lightly brushing along his shaft. 

Each move it made up towards his head sent waves of pleasure up his body and when it came back down he tried to buck his hips into it. Jaune threw his head back and let out a throaty groan, his eyes closing in bliss. He didn’t even bother struggling anymore. He didn’t want this to end!

21 shivered slightly both from hearing Jaune’s delightful groans and the feeling of her sensitive tail sliding along Jaune’s rock hard dick. She simply loved the appetizing noises he was making! She kept pumping her tail, the smacking sounds of her tail patting back down against his hips meshing with Jaune’s moans. 

For five minutes, 21 jerked Jaune off with her tail. Squeezing and letting go with her coils so that Jaune didn’t get use to how her tail felt. He speed kept its steady rhythm. ‘Pat pat pat pat’ the sounds of light slapping sounding from Jaune’s hips when they bucked into her tail.

21 was both impressed with how well he was holding back, but also getting incredibly impatient! Jaune was getting there, but he wasn’t giving her what she wanted! From behind Jaune, she cried out, “That’s it! I know my meal will be done soon, but I can’t take it anymore! I need to taste a sample~!”

Jaune eyes shot open when he felt Ms. 21 lick his neck. Given how long it was she was even able to lick his Adam’s apple and the under side up his chin. She scrunched up her shoulders as her tongue retreated back into her mouth. “Mmmmmm! Sooooo tasty~! Bon appetit!” Without another word 21 latched her mouth and teeth on Jaune’s neck, making his body tense up. 

She softly gnawed and suck on Jaune’s skin. She was loving the taste while Jaune was loving the feeling! Her tail pumping his cock quicker than ever and the sucking on his neck was too much to handle now! 21 felt Jaune’s cock twitch as she sucked away. She gave one last nibble to his neck and pulled off, leaving a red oval with small teeth marks where she was latched on to. “Mmmmm here comes my meal~! Give it to me sweetie! Gimme gimme gimme~!”

Jaune let out a semi-restrained “Fuck!” and came. 21 moved her tail up to wrap around his sensitive head, catching all his white cum in her coils. Every strand of thick cum landing on her tail. Not a drop was missed.

As Jaune came down from his climax and panted hard, 21 finally released her grip around him. Suddenly being able to move again along with his pants still being around his ankles, Jaune stumbled forward a bit. He stood straight after catching himself on the chair in front of 21′s desk. He spun around to look at 21. 

21 had brought her tail back up to her mouth, her tongue tracing over every inch where Jaune’s cum had landed. Making several passes over the part of her tail she’d just used to get her student off, she lapped up all his baby batter and brought her tongue back into her mouth. When she close her lips again her entire body shivered. Her eyes began to sparkle as she sighed heavenly. “So thick and creamy! Absolutely delicious just like I knew you would be! 100/100!”

21 came out of her bliss when Jaune spoke. “Wh-, why did you-?”

“Oh sweetie that was your reward! The delicious snack you gave me was just a bonus for me~! So did you like it~?” 

Jaune finally caught his breath. “Y-yeah. I really did. It was amazing!”

21 clapped her hands together. “Wonderful! Now I have another promise to make too you~.” 21 sashayed up to Jaune and poked his chest. “If you can bring your grades up to perfect, you’ll get to fuck me anyway you want~! Doesn’t that sound great?”

Jaune stared into his professor’s eyes in disbelief. “Y-you’re being serious?”

21 giggled at Jaune’s dumbfounded face. “Uh huh! Bent over my desk while you fuck my ass, holding me down in a mating press as you pound my pussy, stuffing my mouth and throat with your dick, or having me jerk you off to your hearts content~! Anything for my favorite student~.” 21 watched as Jaune’s mind seemed to shut down as he probably started imagining the things she just said. 

21 let him ponder for a bit, then said a loud “But!” breaking Jaune out of his lewd daydreams. “You’ll only get your reward if all your grades are A’s. Until then, the only thing you get to fuck is my pretty tail here.” Her said tail came up to wag a little in front of him as if showing off. 21 closed the little distance that was between them and whispered in his ear with a hot breath. “So do your best Jaune~.” Her tongue traced all the way up his ear making him shiver.

“I-I will try my hardest Ms. 21!”

“Splendid! Now get going sweetie. It’s still your day off. I don’t want to hog you all day and make people suspicious.”

Jaune quickly pulled up his pants, mind still racing from what he’d just heard. He walked over to Ms. 21′s door and unlocked it. As he opened it, he waved goodbye to 21. “T-thanks again Ms. 21! I’ll do even better in the future!” 

In return 21 waved back with one hand as well with her tail. With a giggle she said, “You’d better, Mr. Arc~.” Her tail formed a quick heart shape behind her, something Jaune barely caught before it was gone. He turned around, red faced all over again and closed the door behind him when he left. As he walked down the halls back to his dorm, he completely forgot about the love bite his professor left on his neck.

…

…drip…drip…

Now alone in the silence and solidarity in her office, 21 barely stayed standing as her legs grew weak. She let out a heavenly sigh. If Jaune had looked a bit lower on his teacher, he would have seen a wet spot appearing at the crotch of her baggy pants. It finally grew so wet that it dripped down to her tile floor. 

The whole exchange she’d had with her adorable blonde student had her so wet! From hearing his moans to the pleasure of her own sensitive tail sliding along his cock! It all added up to her dripping wetness right now. And when she tasted his cum! Mmmmmm she nearly came just from that! 

Then she had the idea to offer him another reward. Those thoughts filled her head and loins with so much anticipation for what could happen in the near future. 21 stared longingly at her door as she morphed back into her normal form. The wet spot on her white pants transferring to the black leggings that took their place. She straightened up, intent to get back to work, but not before one final thought crossed her mind.

‘I can’t wait to see how you do Jaune~. I’m looking forward to your reward even more then you are~.’

--------------------------------------------

Story word count: 3048

Posted on Tumblr: 8/6/2019

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #253

hope everyone is staying safe through this quarantine. wash your hands.

Which band do you have more music of than anyone else on your computer? Ozzy. Who’s your favorite philosopher? *shrugs* I don't know any's ideals well. How old were you when you learned how to read? I'm not sure, but I know I was exceptionally young. What’s the coolest Halloween costume you’ve ever worn? I don't think I've ever worn something rather cool. Who’s your favorite painter/artist? If we're talking about well-known, "popular" artists, I'm not sure. Maybe DaVinci. What’s your favorite song lyric- ever? ARE YOU??????????? FOR REAL?????????? Holy FUCK I get goosebumps from lyrics SO easily, this is like impossible. Probably an Otep lyric, though. I really don't like her personally, but goddamn can she write. What’s your dream tattoo if you don’t have it already? I've linked it before, so I'll just remind it's "Denialism" by deviantART's NukeRooster on my entire, upper left arm. I've already gotten her permission (I don't like just... stealing artwork to put on my body), now just comes the day I can pay for it by a top-tier pro. What’s the coolest screen name you’ve ever had? I don't think any have been necessarily "cool." Who do you think was the most badass serial killer? (Real life.) I'm not well-versed in serial killers honestly, but I can say Charles Manson was a C A S E. I think we can all admit he was... interesting. Just the epitome of weird. Most badass fictional serial killer? ig Jason; again, I don't know a lot off the top of my head, but I like him. How many bank accounts do you have? I don't have one. Have you ever been falsely accused of starting drama? Yep. Have you ever found a song that describes your whole life? Parts of it, sure. What kind of car do you drive? I don't drive a car, but Mom's is a... Honda? Kia? Idk. I'm bad with car brands. What kind of car would you like to have? Average size, pretty simple. Burnt orange or red. I know I want one of those screens you look into to see what's behind you when backing up. Have you ever been to Dairy Queen? If so, what’s your favorite thing to eat from there? mmmmmmmmMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM. So unhealthy, but I will destroy and Oreo Cupfection. Try. That. Stuff. Their milkshakes are also great. Which website do you email from? Outlook. Do you enjoy receiving souvenirs? Sure, it's nice. Have you ever had the flu? No. What about strep throat? Maybe once? Do you normally have a lot of homework, if you’re still in school? Kinda, yeah. Did you ever enjoy gym class? Fuck no. Even when I was healthy. What is your biggest insecurity? My body. Have you ever painted a room alone? No. How many huge secrets do you have? Huge? Uhhh, none, I think. Have you ever painted something and been impressed by it? Yes. Would you rather go out to eat or stay in? I prefer eating out because yummy food, but considering I'm working on losing weight, I avoid it. Do you have any younger siblings? One. Have you ever considered bleaching your hair? To the point of being snow white. Considering my hair is super healthy and bleaching so heavily would destroy it, I'll be avoiding that. I DO want to bleach my hair to do other colors, though. Brown hair sucks. Do you drink vitamin water? No. Are there any old movies you absolutely love? Oh sure, a good handful. The Outsiders probably tops it. Have you ever had a Big Mac before? No, doesn't appeal to me. I don't like veggies on my burgers... despite eating veggie burgers when I was vegetarian lmao. Do you think you attract the opposite sex at a reasonable rate? I doubt that. Have you ever filed a lawsuit on someone? No. Do you enjoy reading often? I'm finally back into it!! Lately all I've been wanting to do is READ READ READ. Have you ever had a deadly illness? Well, I consider depression (among other mental illnesses) to be very deadly, but on a literal level, no. I mean I have dormant MRSA, which can kill if active, but it never has been. Most people carry that dormantly anyway, if I remember correctly. Ever had food-poisoning before? No, thankfully. Where did you last eat dinner at? Mom bought Nicole and me Sonic. Have you ever had someone pick you up off the ground & carried you? When I fainted, yes. Are you a flirty person? Not really. A name you hate with a passion? Edward, to name one. Erwin. A lot of old names. What is your favorite type of water (ex. arrowhead)? Essentia mmmmmmmmmmmmm,, Have you ever been to Warped Tour? I WISH. :( Do you know anyone who wears fur? I fucking hope not, because I wouldn't associate with them anymore. When was the last time you were on myspace.com? Damn yo, millennia ago. How often do you cuss? Too much. I mean, I don't even believe "profanity" is a thing by our definition of "that word is magically bad," but still, it's like when people say "like" too much. Have you ever cussed out a teacher? No. What did you think of the movie Juno? I never watched it. How often do you eat meat? Sigh, more than I wish. What grade did you meet your best friend in? We didn't meet in school. Last time you cleaned your room? Couple days back. I'm honestly bad at dusting regularly in here, but that's gotta change with Mom having chemo now. Her immune system will be compromised so this house needs to be as pristine as it can. When you were little, would you have rather watched Cartoon Network or Disney Channel? Disney Channel. We weren't really Cartoon Network kids, actually. It was Disney or Nickelodeon. Do you shave your arms? No. Are you a big fan of the Harry Potter series? Never read a book, never watched any movies; the first one was playing in my presence once, but I paid no attention. How often would say you pulled all-nighters, if you ever do? Shit man, never, nowadays. I don't think I've had one for two years now. My youth is escaping. Has a friend’s boyfriend/girlfriend ever had a problem with you for any reason? I don't think so. How many times a day do you find yourself cracking your joints, if at all? Maybe not even once a day. Only my big toes and upper back can pop. Is there a particular sport you follow on a regular basis? No. Are you 100% over the last person you kissed? No. Do you put ketchup on top of your french fries or on the side? On the side. Who was the last person you talked to in person? Mom. Do you have a dog? Not anymore, thank fuck. Do you like orange juice? Yes. Are you one of those people who obsesses over Hollister? I never liked it. They're not inclusive at all towards fucking NORMAL bodies, nevermind plus size. Apparently even their rules on looks for workers are absolutely horrible. Ashley liked them though, so sometimes I just had to go in with her. If money was no object, would you change your wardrobe? My goth could finally  E S C A P E. How do you/did you get to school? My mom drives me. Have you ever had to have a pet put down? Four times that I remember off the top of my head. What candy cane flavor is your favorite? MMMMMMMMMM get the pink Starburst kind. Do you get angry when fast food restaurants mess up your order? It's annoying, yes. Angering when you've already driven away, especially when you really wanted something. What was your favorite elective class in high school? Art. Did you ever wish you could be homeschooled? Yes. I was homebound for a little while. Have you ever had a dream so realistic you could’ve sworn it happened? Yes. Do you have any mental disorders? I'm a walking mental disorder, lmao. Y'all know the biggies, and now ADD and especially DPD (dependent personality disorder) are being considered. Do you feel comfortable talking about these disorders, if you have them? Yeah, I really don't care. Where did you go on your last field trip? I want to say to a band competition in high school. Are you able to agree to disagree? Or do you have to have the last word? Yeah, pretty easily. Is there a cover song you like better than the original version? A whole lot, actually. Do you have a hard time talking about sex with the opposite gender? I have a hard time with anyone. Have you ever had major surgery? Major, no. Is there any food you don’t like that a lot of others do? Here in the South, everyone is most surprised when they hear I hate fried chicken. What was the last thing you bragged about? Hm. I'm not sure, actually. I don't make a habit out of doing that. Can you do a backflip? Hell no. Are you listening to anything right now? I have a video up of relaxing tracks from Silent Hill 2 + 3. Great shit. Has anyone ever tried to tell you you were adopted? No. How many doors are in the room you’re in? Two, but one's just the closet door. Have you ever been engaged and broke it off? No. Has anyone ever drawn a picture of you? Yes. Do any of your friends have children? Yep. Is there anything you’re craving right now? Not really. Who got married at the last wedding you attended? A family friend. It was the second wedding I shot. Is happiness something to be achieved and sought after or is it something to be retained and held onto always, no matter what happens? The former. You can't just stay happy when, like, your grandma dies. What gives you a peaceful feeling? Nature. Hearing water and birdsong, specifically. Are you a Toys-R-Us kid? Hell yeah I was. My sisters and I would go crazy if we had the chance to go there. We were SOOOO upset when it closed down. If you believe in Heaven, are there separate heavens for different animals (kittie heaven. dog heaven, bird heaven, etc)? I don't know if I believe in a "heaven," but some sort of peace after death, yes. I believe it's one, unified "heaven." When you sleep next to someone do they fall asleep first usually or do you? They always do considering it takes me ten years to fall asleep. If they do, do you watch them sleep? I have. Not in a creepy way, but rather a "wow I love this person" sorta way. What is your usual breakfast? Usually apple and cinnamon oatmeal What do your salt and pepper shakers look like? They're nothing special. The salt is a blue ceramic, and the pepper one is just what you get from the store. Have you ever had your car towed? I've never had my own car. What band or singer do you believe started rock and roll? I'm pretty sure Elvis is given that credit. Whose voice irritates you like fingernails on a blackboard? The female singer of Mother Mother's voice. Mom and I can't stand her singing. All I songs we enjoy feature almost solely the main singer. I can *tolerate* it in some songs, but. What do you contribute to society? Ha. Do you take naps? Almost daily. Do you have any cavities? Not to my knowledge. Do you believe that there has been a man on the moon? Yes, though I do believe the "first" landing was faked in competition with Russia. It sounds ridiculous, but I'm so serious, look into the theory - there's incredible evidence. Would you ever go into a sex shop? I'd be too self-conscious to. I'd just order online. Let’s just say your school team is on a winning streak. One of the cheerleaders cheers both for your team and the other team during games. Does it make you angry? I don't care enough about sports to even consider how I'd feel. Do you prefer carnivals, festivals, circuses, parades or faires? To be real, I only know the difference between parades and circuses. What even distinguishes the other three from each other. Do you believe in psychic ability or is it a sham? I lean towards no. What is your favorite classic rock song? You CANNOT ask me this question. Classic rock is some of the best music there is.

[chain-unchained]

July 1

With the scent of freshly sanded down and finished wood still filling his nose, Ashe traipsed cheerily down the road south of the farm towards Marnie’s ranch; he’d finally managed to get a pretty decent chicken coop built, thanks to Robin’s expert help, and he was ready to fill it with cute clucky little hens. It was a milestone that, to him, marked his evolution from just a simple farmer to a proper rancher, and he was already thinking ahead to how much lumber he’d need to get together to get a barn built. Chickens came first, though.

It was just a little past 9:30 by the time he reached the ranch; he always felt just a little bad about showing up so soon after the shop opened, even though that was kind of the point of hours of operation. “Good morning.” He greeted with a happy smile, pushing the heavy door open and stepping inside.

“Oh, good morning Ashe.” Marnie looked up from her knitting and stifled a yawn, still trying to get through her first cup of coffee. “You’re looking bright and chipper as ever. What are you up to today?”

“Well—”

Before Ashe could tell her, the pitter-patter of Jas’ feet announced her arrival, and he could feel several light tugs on the hem of his shorts. “Mr. Ashe, Mr. Ashe.” The little girl said, bouncing up and down a little to try and get his attention. “Shane wants you to come see something.”

“Eh?” Ashe blinked several times in surprise, as an impatient and clearly excited Jas took hold of his hand and pulled him along towards the kitchen. “Whoa—okay okay, I’m coming.” He could hear Marnie’s laughter as Jas all but dragged him down the hall, through the kitchen and towards a door nestled in the back corner of the space. Ashe didn’t even know the door was there, though to be fair he’d only seen the kitchen a small handful of times on his way to Shane’s room. “Where are we going, exactly?”

“The coop, silly.” Jas had a bit of trouble turning the doorknob with just one hand, her other hand still firmly grasping Ashe’s so he couldn’t get away.  She managed, though, pushing the door open and leading the puzzled farmer outside.

 The coop she had mentioned wasn’t the one where the poultry that Marnie raised to be sold were kept; instead, it was a relatively new addition, one that Shane and Jas had both been working on together. It was their special project, and part of Shane’s crowning achievement, filled to the brim with happy, plucky hens going about their breakfast without a care in the world.

There was one chicken that stood out from the rest, and that was Charlie, Shane’s favorite little hen who was currently sitting on the back of a sweet-faced brown heifer who fancied herself more of a hen than a cow. It was as if she was watching Shane, who was carefully painting a sign resting up against the wall—using a brilliant red paint, he had painstakingly lettered the sign to read ‘FRESH EGGS’.

“That should do it…” He said to himself as he painted the last S onto the sign. Setting the brush across the opening of the paint can, he scooted back to get a good look at the whole sign, feeling pretty proud of himself. It was definitely weird for him, to have things to be proud over, but it was something he could get used to. It wasn’t just the sign, of course; his recovery, his depression, his work here on the ranch, his efforts to be a better godfather to Jas and just a better person in general—all of this gave him the sort of pride that he hadn’t felt in years, decades even. “What do you think, Charlie?”

Looking to the chicken as he spoke, he watched as Charlie cocked her head to the side, ruffling her feathers and shaking her wings a little as she seemed to study it, before delivering a verdict in a gentle coo. “Atta girl, I knew you’d like it.” Yoba, there was no understating how much he fucking loved chickens, especially that chicken. He got to his feet and stretched, his joints popping a little from being hunched over to paint the sign, and reached out to stroke Charlie’s head affectionately. “Yeah, this is the perfect home for you hens. We’re gonna have the best eggs in the whole damn valley. Fresh and healthy, with rich golden yolks. Not like those pale, sickly Joja eggs…”

Charlie coo’d again, voicing her agreement as she pushed her head against Shane’s hand. He looked out at the rest of the animals around them, his smile widening as he beheld his crowning achievements—his special blue chickens that he had worked so hard on breeding. There were only a few of them at the moment, and they were too young to lay eggs of their own, but soon enough farmers like Ashe would be able to own a blue chicken or two of their own. “….”

For a moment, Shane was quiet, his hand coming to a stop atop Charlie’s head; a second passed, and he sighed, carefully lifting Charlie from the cow’s back to hold her close. “You know, Charlie… I was thinking… A guy like me is always teetering on the edge of despair… know what I mean?” He murmured, lightly scratching Charlie’s chest where he knew she had trouble getting at herself. “But you and the other hens are going to keep me upright from now on… I know it.” After a pause, he added, “And that nosy bugaboo will too, huh? He makes it impossible to have a bad day no matter how hard I try.” He hugged Charlie closer and tucked her under his chin with another sigh. “It’s like he manages to chase the storm clouds away… Hey, Charlie? Do you think… you think a guy like me could ever have a shot with someone like him?”

His question was answered with a swift peck to his index finger. “Ow—hey, what was that for?!” Shane looked down at the hen in shock. “That’s—you’ve never pecked me before. What’s gotten into you, girl?”

Charlie just coo’d again, ruffling her feathers back into place as she settled her beady eyes on him; her behavior was just so matter-of-fact that, just for a moment, Shane felt like she’d actually given him an intelligent answer. “… Sssoo, was that a yes or a no then?”  

The door from the kitchen opened, cutting their conversation short as Jas led the still curious Ashe inside. “Oh, hey Ashe.” Shane greeted, glad that neither of them had heard him ask that question to Charlie. He set the hen back on the cow and turned to face his friend with a huge smile. “So, what do you think?”

“What do I think?” This time it was Ashe who cocked his head to the side; it took him a second to think to look around, his eyes widening in surprise as he laid them on the little blue hens that were running around. “Ah—oh my Yoba, they’re so cute~!! Aaaaah, they’re so BLUE!”

Shane and Jas busted out laughing as Ashe crouched down, looking as though he’d literally just stumbled onto a vault of riches; seemingly sensing his kind heart, the chickens all flocked to him, each one attempting to get some affection from the enchanted youth.

“My special blue hens.” Shane explained, his grin widening as Ashe cuddled each and every one in turn; animals were probably the best judges for people, so to see his hens practically smitten with his friend just cemented to him what a good guy he was. “I’ve been raising them in secret for the last few months. I… well, I won’t be living here forever,” he rested his hand atop Jas’ head and lightly ruffled her hair, “and I wanted to pass something on to Jas. I’ve been teaching her how to care for them.”

Jas nodded in affirmation, planting her hands firmly on her hips and puffing her chest out proudly. It had been her job to get up in the mornings and feed them, and she hadn’t been late a single time yet.

Chuckling at the confident pose his goddaughter had struck, Shane continued, “I want to feel like I’m not just a leech on the world. I want to contribute somehow, even in a small way like this…” He glanced at the watch strapped around his wrist and whistled. “Whoops—you’d better skidaddle, Jas, or you’ll keep Penny and Vincent waiting. Thanks for helping out this morning.”

“You’re welcome~” Jas jumped to give him a tight hug. “Bye Shane, bye Mr. Ashe~”

“Have fun, Jas~” Ashe managed to wave to her as she traipsed off, still completely swarmed by happy little hens. “This is really incredible, Shane. I’ve never seen such happy looking chickens.”

“Heh, thanks.” Hearing that praise coming from Ashe felt all the better. “So, what brought you by today? Just swinging by to say hello like usual?”

“Oh!” In all the excitement, Ashe had completely forgotten the reason behind his early visit; hastily, but carefully, he moved the hens off of himself and scooted around to look at Shane. “Actually, I was hoping you could teach me about having hens. I finally got a coop built and I want to start raising them.”

“Oh, that so?” Shane rubbed his stubbled chin in thought. “You looking for just the basics or an in-depth lesson?”

“In-depth, of course.”

“Hoo boy… Alright, this might take awhile.” Shane plonked himself down beside Ashe and rubbed his hands together. He was going to make damn sure that Ashe would be well-prepared to care for his beloved poultry.

[tumblunni]

I had a kinda weird but nice daydream last night. It was more of a daydream cos i was concious enough for it to make a little sense, but also drowsy enough that its a bit more incoherant and Edgy than my usual oc thoughts

I just got the sudden strong imagery of a guy walking through a destroyed town and all the dead people blossoming back to life as he passes

And i kinda thought a backstory for him maybe? He's an alchemist who devoted himself so much to honing his craft that he used himself as a test subject for all the most dangerous and heretical experiments and is now barely human anymore. One detail i could remember is that he had empty eye sockets that glowed, and sometimes spurted out into huge gushing tendrils of blue flame that twined around his head and wiggled like antennae. They'd kinda replaced his entire nervous system so if he wiggled them he could just sense all the facts about an object. Spirit sight or something? And probably some cool singular claw arm in a lopsided frankenstein aesthetic or something. Basically he's nothing more than Pure Poison Itself vaguely wrapped in a human shell. Like an undead look but more like a boneless husk whose skin has turned to cracked porcelain.

The backstory behind him making so many sacrifices for science is that his mum died of the plague when he was a vvery young child and he wants to become the world's best doctor who can save everyone from meeting the same fate. And he actually achieved his goal of defeating death itself, even if all he could do was turn himself into such an abomination that he can never die. Now he's travelling the earth trying to save people even though theyre all scared of him, while also trying to figure out which mixture of the million experiments he did on himself finally achieved this result.

I think maybe he can sorta partially manage to ressurect people? Like they come back as ghosts or skeletons or vampires or something. And he's all weeping with guilt that he's sentenced them to the same monsterous life as him but then a little kid hugs him for bringing her mom back. *sniff*

Also i think maybe he has a kid sidekick that he's sorta adopted as a little sibling? They were one of his earlier attempts to raise the dead, and they got ostracized by their parents for being unholy and stuff. So he adopted them, but he's always trying to find another family that can adopt them cos he feels like he isnt good enough. Also, ghost dog!! He accidentally spilled his magically-charged abomination blood onto his childhood pet's ashes and it came back in a spooply form! I just imagined his sheer unrestrained joy and weeping as the lil guy immediately recognises its owner all grown up and jumps up all happy like YOURE TALL NOW HEY HEY LETS PLAY! This poor dude needs a little relief from his angsty life honestly. I imagine him just running around super 100% hyperactive happy with this little pupper and adoptive sibling who's never seen him not being grumpy and sad is like "oh my god he's been replaced by aliens"

ALSO!! I WAS THINKING!! YES!! THE MUM DOES COME BACK!!

I was thinking that probably using his imperfect ressurection power costs a lot of his energy and he has a problem with being so self sacrificing he always ruins his health for the sake of others. He's like 'well i cant stay dead so i may as well die as many times as possible to help people'. Him coming home riddled with arrows and collapsing into a bloody pile at his sibling's feet and then in the morning when he's still stuck in bed sleeping off the enormous pain he cant understand what his sibling is upset about. Like he has no value in himself because he's so guilty that he hasnt finished the ultimate panacea yet. Disregarding the fact that nobody even asked him to, and he's already done so much to help so many peopke!! TAKE CARE O YOU SELF, BRO!!

Anyway, where was i?

Oh yeah! Well i was thinking maybe he was doing some mass healing in a town somewhere. Cos oh yeah even his regular cures for stuff are still made with his own blood. He's like a walking vessel for every poison ever made in this world or the worlds beyond. ELDRITCH ASPIRIN MAN! oh actually it could be a cool aesthetic to have him all bandaged up like an edgy anime character

WHERE WAS I

Oh yeah! Well he's super mega exhausted from expending all of his magical energy and working until the crack of dawn. So he's stumbling home down the same usual route, but he passes out halfway there. And then he wakes up to see his mother tucking him into bed and bringing chicken soup. Like "I DUNNO IF IT WORKS FOR MAGICAL SICKNESS I AM VERY CONFUSED OKAY" Turns out that just by pure coincidence he'd accidentally found the spot where the mass grave for plague victims was made back in the day. And he's extra super mega sick now cos he subconciously reached out to their souls and ressurected them in his sleep. And he's just weeping so much cos he thought he'd never find her and he's guilty he subjected her to a life of being an undead monster too, and he's like 'dont look at me ive changed so much you must be ashamed' and just MAXIMUM EMOTION OKAY!! And also 'oof ouch my everything' cos flailing around panicness aint good in your condition, dude!

So big happysad reunion and him having the longest most peaceful nap he's had in years, lost in distant memories of her reading him bedtime stories as a child. (Maybe even wakes up as she's reading a bedtime story to little sib, and gets so emotional he wakes them up with his sobbing?) And its not all perfect, there's a bit of a rift in the way of just being perfevt family again cos well its been so long and he's grown up and its basically like meeting a new person and starting over. Yet also with all the pressure of knowing how things used to be and being terrified of messing up. ALSO there are like fifty other zombies walking around outside confused as fuck! I think maybe the mum becomes the new mayor of a weird little shanty town that springs up overnight and the neighbours are all like 'what do we do with suddenly acquiring a new trade route with another city state' and also 'AAA ZOMBIES'. Complex futures await out heroes! But i have faith that this little awkward family will make it work!!!

[parsleybabe]

Home Made Simple - S01E04 - the biggest WTF yet

OMG, you guys, “masculine purple” Deco Lady is back!!!!! This one is gonna be good, I can already feel it. She also brought along the Tool Lady from episode one, and, of course, Host Lady and Chef Guy.

Today’s family is a mom, a dad, and their three kids (two boys, the oldest and youngest, and a girl, the middle child). They want to give the kids two new rooms, because so far they’re sharing one room that’s getting too small for all three of them. They actually seem to be a really sweet family, the parents are clearly hard working and the kids are very well mannered and sweet too.

If un-glorifying military-patriotism triggers you, please don’t click on the read more.

 So, here are my personal highlights of this episode:

 The mom is a full time student, the Dad is a police officer and also a soldier. Throughout the whole episode, his military service is a huuuuuuge talking point. I don’t know if this is the case, but I would bet that this episode aired on Veteran’s Day. It’s a very typically patriotic, very American episode, to say the least. People from anywhere else in the world, even military people, probably can’t relate to any of this. I definitely can’t.  (I just checked after finishing the whole episode, and, yes, s01e04 aired on November 13th 2011, two days after Veterans Day, surprise surprise) 

So, the gist is, the renovators want to help the family and make them feel comfortable before the dad is deployed to Afghanistan. Now, again, I’m not American and fail to understand how ANY sort of home renovation is going to make the family feel better about the dad being deployed for a third time for 1-2 years. There is no connection. Except maybe that the dad’s gonna feel better, knowing that the kids’ room situation is solved. But, for the family… Nope.

Okay, so Host Lady explains, the little girl is getting her own room, and the dad is “sacrificing” his “man den family room” for that. Aren’t “man den” and “family room” mutually exclusive? I’m confused. But I’m super happy that the gender bias found its way back in. Yaaay. Because when nobody in the whole family has their own personal room except for the dad who isn’t actually there for most of the time anyway, then giving that room up is a huge sacrifice, obviously.

The mom explains that the kids deserve more space and the parents want to display their accolades a bit more, but don’t have room to do that in the small room they are currently sharing. She talks about all three kids, but Host Lady chimes in that the youngest boy is “going to become a little man” much like the older brother who is now in middle school, and they get to move to the end of the hall, i.e. have a lot more freedom. She then adds, while grinning at the dad, that the little girl is “getting the eagle watch”, and that “he’s keeping an eye on her”. They laugh about it and the dad explains, he wants her to be more in the rear of the house, which I personally feel translates to making her feel safer and more protected despite her being alone in a room now, but Host Lady obviously takes it to mean that girls and boys get different treatment. She even stresses this more a bit later, when she explains that the girl’s room will be “closer to her mom and dad” and she will be”under the watchful eye of her father.” Now, sorry, but wtf? First of all, why not the watchful eye of BOTH her parents? And, secondly, hadn’t we already established that the dad is gonna be away in Afghanistan soon for a very long time?

When Host Lady tells the renovator gang that the girl is getting her own room, Deco Lady instantly goes, “She’s daddy’s little princess! She needs her own princess room” and didn’t I call it? Masculine purple always delivers. Doesn’t matter that the family hasn’t once mentioned anything about princesses at all. They said that she likes butterflies, and that’s it. But, okay. This instantly turns into a “butterfly princess room”.

As for the boys, there’s gonna be extra attention payed to their studies. They’re gonna get some work space and Host Lady points out how smart they are. Which is fine and all, commendable actually, just not when put as a contrast to the girl. WTF? It’s even sadder when they later show that the girl ALSO has several academic achievements, even a certificate of being “student of the year” to be put up on the wall, they just didn’t feel like mentioning it about her before. (But they do later, thankfully, although, only while talking about “the kids”, the only reason the viewers know it’s hers is because they hang the certificate in the girl’s room)

Chef guy comes in to show the mom “easy recipes that she can make in one day and have on reserve for the rest of the week.” I’m not really sure why he needs to show her that. Being a student, mom of three, and basically “single” most of the time - I’m sure she already got those down to a T.

They’re cleaning out the man den room and we’re getting a Swiffer Sweeper cameo. Ha! Can’t forget the product placement after all.

And then the kids come in. Host Lady immediately puts her hands on the girls head and gives me the creeps. The kid looks quite confused as well. Host Lady also carries around the youngest boy and talks about wanting to “put him in my pocket and carry him around with me all day.” Yikes. When we see her talk to him, he doesn’t answer just slowly backs away from her. OMG, why do they let her do that??? And when they all march out of the room, they do it military style, singing “Left. Left. Left, right left.” This is so massively creepy from any non-American standpoint. They are kids ffs.

Okay, now we got Deco Lady and the parents sitting at a table talking about what to do with the lamp in the girl’s room. And then mom and dad are left alone to craft butterflies to turn it into a “butterfly chandelier”. Which is cool, and they’re working together as they should. Except then we see Host Lady who exclaims cheerfully that the dad “would do ANYTHING for his little girl, even cutting out little tiny butterflies.” I don’t see any reason why that needs to be brought up. It’s not a major achievement for a father to do something for their kid. It’s not an achievement for a man to be crafting butterflies. It’s certainly not necessary to point this out so excitedly while not mentioning the mom at all who is doing exactly the same work. I’m kinda speechless at this point tbh.

Ohhh, now we’re back on discussing colors. So the boys love blue and green. And that’s immediately accepted by everybody, especially Deco Lady. No arguments over having to find a masculine color this time. I’m not saying it’s gender bias. Except it totally is.

In the man den there used to be a shelf containing the dad’s military memorabilia and honors. Host Lady is in awe when she sees it, and the renovators want to do something with this, even though the episode is supposed to be about the kids’ rooms. So, as a little side project, Deco Lady finds the most prominent spot in the whole house, the one where everybody always walks past and where your eyes fall on immediately when entering the house. She wants to put the military honor items there to display like in a museum and calls it a “pride wall” and “what this family is all about”.  And… I don’t know. My issue with this is: Firstly, all those items are the dad’s and have nothing much to do with the family, except that they’re a reminder of how often the dad is away. Secondly, the items are more about the country than they are about the dad as a person. Which, again, massive patriotism, just seems incredibly wrong for anybody who is not American, because the whole world is aware that patriotism so easily shifts into extremism. And shit like that creeps us the fuck out. And, thirdly, they want to do this as a surprise and won’t tell the dad about it. Which, okay, I get it, but again, this is sensitive stuff, and it feels like they should have asked if it’s okay to display it at all, because the people who will see this the most are the mom and the kids.

Oooh, they bring in Chef Guy to meet the mom and do so in front of an opened cabinet of brand name cleaning products. Perfect, he’s gonna feel right at home. Anyway, he’s gonna teach her to do a chicken casserole, because you cook it once and have enough left over for the whole week. Because, apparently, eating the same stuff again and again all week is a dream come true. In order to cook this, he buys a ready-made rotisserie chicken and shows the mom how to tear it apart and is surprised that she’s “a pro at this” even though she JUST told him seconds ago, that she always does the cooking for the whole family. They put chicken meat (the don’t use the skin, the beautiful crispy flavorful skin, I’m gonna cry), pasta, leek and breadcrumbs into the casserole. I have no idea why it’s gotta be bland on bland on bland on bland, and why Chef Guy has to explain this woman how to cook chicken in the first place. He doesn’t even season anything, ffs.

OMG, now he’s showing her “how to present this”, and basically pulls out a piece of the casserole and drops it in a freaking bowl. It’s not a joke, he really does. He calls it a “homemade masterpiece” but it looks like an ACCIDENT. He does sprinkle parsley on top, which is the only credit I give the guy for this whole episode.

Deco Lady is back and wants plastic flowers glued to a ready-bought lampshade, since “princesses love flowers”. Yes, plastic glued to store bought lamp. Again with the non-inventiveness… And the person who gets to do this is the dad so she adds with a wink, “You can thank me later, for giving you another really masculine project.” I think I’m gonna change her name to Gender Bias Lady officially now. Because she’s clearly in a league of her own. They do craft together and the dad pretends for a second that the glue gun is a real gun and puts it in his pretend holster (he is both a policeman and soldier, after all). To which Gender Bias Lady says, “You gotta turn it into a man thing, dontcha?” He is about as speechless as I am, because we all know that SHE started it, but she just says, “Okay, whatever gets you through the project.”

They do talk about the kids and how well they’re doing in school and socially and Gender Bias Lady states how that’s gotta make the dad proud, and he flat out tips his hat to the mom, because “she stays. She’s on them.” He also mentions how she used to work and go to school at the same time while being a mom and still doing it all and being awesome. And, I can’t believe that he is genuinely the only person on the whole episode who actually points to that. Gender Bias Lady replies solely with, “When do you leave?” and asks him how he got used to it and how hard it’s got to be and how he decided to join the military and how the family is so proud of him. I mean, yeah, sure, but she just nixed the mom completely as if she wasn’t important enough to mention. WTF?

Next comes the best recap ever: Host Lady explains how the dad “is the rock of the family” and how they “wanted to give his family something that would honor him”, so they’re showing the mom (who has been cooking all her life) “how to cook some simple recipes she can make on her own” – I’m not even going to declutter that load of bullshit.

Now Chef Guy is showing the mom how to make puff pastry pockets. Again, a recipe that “you cook on Sunday and then eat for the rest of the week”. 🤢 He lets the mom “season” the filling with salt and pepper to give it “a little flavour”. Again, no fucking spices whatsoever. How is this even a chef? (It’s also sadly cliché, because Chef Guy is a white dude and the mom is black). Anyway, he says they need to clean up and I’m all prepared for the product placement, but it doesn’t come. I’m shocked.

Next focus is on the girl’s room. They take curtain rods from the previous “den, the man room, the man cave” as Gender Bias Lady points out and spray paint them silver. They pretend it’s difficult (fun fact: it’s not). Also, the daughter gets a canopy over her bed which will be pink. They staple the curtain into the wooden frame, making me wonder how they are ever going to be able to take it down to wash it, but… maybe princesses are so clean that they don’t need their fabrics washed?

Tool Lady and the mom are working on the military shrine. Tool Lady is the only person to ask the mom if she’s afraid when the dad’s away in Afghanistan. And she admits she is, but instantly goes on to point out that he’ll be safe, because he’s careful. Sadly, that’s not how war works.

Gender Bias Lady and the dad are working on the girl’s dresser by repainting the existing furniture “a beautiful lavender” (hey, purple’s not a problem if you put it into a girl’s room, riiiiight?) and are decorating the edges with nailheads to make it look more cute or whatever.

They’re now hanging up the butterfly chandelier. It’s basically a normal lamp, and they put butterflies on strings around it. It’s supposed to look magical and cute, but it actually looks a bit like the butterflies are exploding out of the lamp… think horror movie insect infestation.

Okay, final touches, Host Lady and Gender Bias Lady are in the girl’s room and are decorating it with pink clothing items and fashion accessories. “It should look like she was playing dress up!” Gender Bias Lady chimes. Because clearly, while the boys’ room has a racing and basketball theme (yay sports!), what would be better for the girl’s room than a fashion theme? That woman really lives up to her newly given name.

Oooh, and then Host Lady plugs in some Febreze Noticeables to “get it smellin’ like a little girl’s room in here!” And Gender Bias Lady replies with, “’Cause it’s been boys, boys, boys, boys!” Do little boys smell different than girls? They probably do after a while of not washing the canopy curtains, I guess.

Montage time: the girl room is all pink, purple, silver, gold and sparkly. There’s also frills and arabesques and ballerina statues. There’s a bed and a dresser and a big mirror and a lounge chair. It looks nice, but a bit too overly pink, if you ask me. Also, there’s no desk for the student of the year. Nope. But okay. The boys’ room is blue and green an there’s a freaking sea horse on one of the beds (and I am freaking jealous, I want one too!). All in all, the boys’ room is a lot more colorful, there are red, orange and yellow specks of color added in everywhere, despite the overall blue-green theme. There’s also a teddy bear, a stuffed dog, a drum set, a basekt ball wall, books, games, colors to paint with and two desks to do homework on… It looks like a kid’s room that I would have loved to have as a little girl.

They show the kids their rooms, the girl room first. And while the little girl is mostly excited to “have my own room now”, Host Lady turns to the boys and asks, “I bet you’re bored of pink aren’t you?” Wow, aren’t we all… The boys’ room is very well received all around, and when they leave it to have a look at the military wall, they have to call the girl to follow, because she seems most excited about the boys’ room. Well. Tough luck.

Before talking about everybody’s reaction to the military wall, I wanna talk about what happens at the end of the episode as a big surprise: The “family” receives a video message from John Travolta. I put the word family in quotation marks, because Travolta actually addresses the dad only, and talks about how the family’s getting renovations so HE can enjoy it once he comes back from deployment. And then the dad gets a signed autograph from Travolta too. You might be wondering how Travolta fits in there, but it’s actually a no brainer, because I just found out that the show used to air on OWN (the Oprah Winfrey Network), and Scientology has been trying for decades now to convert Oprah by giving her exclusives and special treatment and whatnot. Anyway, it’s all about the kids’ rooms, which is why the dad gets a note from Travolta. Makes sense, right?

Anyway, back to the Military wall. When the dad gets to see it, he calls it a “shrine” (creepy to any non-Americans, but accurate). And, to be fair, he does say he likes it, but he also states that it makes him think of every time he went to Afghanistan and that he’s going to think of his fallen brothers when he walks past it and that it makes him think of going back there again. Which leads to the whole family getting teary eyed in front of the wall. Very clever thing to put right in the center of the house. And then Host Lady starts glorifying military service and points out how “sacrificing so much for all the right reasons” is such a great thing and that the renovators hope the family will keep going and be hopeful. The mom then even says that now the kids can come stand in front of the wall whenever they miss their dad while he’s away on deployment. There isn’t a single picture of the dad on that wall btw. Just medals and flags and certificates (and, at the end of the episode, also the Travolta autograph.).

I don’t wanna step on anybody’s toes here, but does nobody see how sad and impersonal and wrongly-focused this is????? I don’t  even blame the show for doing this, because this shit is ALL OVER any sort of American media. You get this in every movie, on every TV show – drama or documentary -, every news station regardless of political point of view. This is everywhere. The US media is filled with extreme patriotism that glorifies soldiers into heroes so you forget that first and foremost they’re people.

Sorry to end this on such a depressing note, but… I just can NOT for the life of me understand how so many people have been brainwashed into thinking this is normal or this is right. But, hey, happy renovated home y’all!

[sociallychallengedbookworm]

Trigger Warning: Mental Illness

Okay this is a really long one, but I found these papers where I was writing down my feelings and I think it was leading up to me making a suicide note or this was going to be mine. But, things have gotten better and I’m going to post what I wrote in the hopes to encourage others that things can get better. This was made in September of 2017, when I was in the darkest point of my Depression. When I actually attempted about a month later to commit suicide/was going to. (i got distracted by youtubers: Dan and Phil cuz I had them on the background cried myself to sleep on the bed.) Dan released “Daniel and Depression” Soon after and it helped to encourage me a little that I wasn’t alone. Anyways. This letter was my darkest point and I wanted to share it since I’ve gotten /mostly/ better in terms of depression and suicidal thoughts. Here it goes, brace yourselves.. its long. (I’m gonna make up names for the people I mentioned in it to conceal Identities)

“I’m getting bad again, like really bad. It was all state auditions today and I bet I flunked site reading portion. I wont make it to all state again and its been a spiral downhill ever since. I know I have failed. I see myself in the mirror and all I see is someone that I hate. I hate the way I look the way fat clings to my stomach. I’m not skinny enough. I’m not good enough and I try so hard to be happy and it never works. I ruin everything. I’m too quiet, too awkward. I fail at everything that I strive for. I’m not smart enough. i’m too lazy. I’m too ugly. I’m not perfect enough. Why am I nor normal? Why can’t I walk into a room and not feel so trapped. Why is it that everytime someone I don’t know tried to talk to me, I get flustered. I can’t breathe, I get nauseous. Social Anxiety? Why can’t I pick up on social cues? Why do I feel the need to flinch away from people? I’m not good enough I’m fucked up. I’m the person who isn’t interesting. I’m the person in the background. I’m here but I have no purpose. What is the point? I know I am loved. I have friends and family that care and that’s why I’m still here. I get cut off in conversation, I am boring and uninteresting. I have no purpose. I can’t meet new people, I can’t show emotion round other and I can’t cry and I can’t let them see. I don’t want to bring anyone into this. I used to cut but not often, I quit. That was a year ago and its worse. I want to rip into my skin and see the blood. I have never cut this much. I don’t know if things are going to get better. Why would they? I can’t make myself happy. It doesn’t really work. My friends’ happiness makes me happy and Id rather see them that way/ I know I’d want my friends to tell if things were this bad? But, I can’t do it. It’s too much It’s overwhelming. Talking to a therapist doesn’t help, it makes me feel like I’m drowning. I feel nothing and everything at all. My problems don’t matter. Hell, what if I’m making all this up? What if it’s just all in my head? Is dying really that bad? I mean, I can’t get the image of my parents finding my body, or my niece living her life without me. What’s on the other side? is it nothing? Is dying painful? Is it less painful than how I feel now? I used to love hugs but now I shy away from any touch. Why can’t I remember being genuinely happy? What is wrong with me? I want to die. I really want to. Maybe I should get help? I don’t want others to know. There’s a lot they don’t know. Why have I changed so much? I need a sharper knife . I’m not normal.

A lot of people would argue that I’m not worthless. I guess its one of those thingswhere you’re your own worst enemy. I’m drowning, in school.. in stress. In my social life. I always struggle in everything. It takes too long for me to warm up to someone. I’m too awkward. I don’t achieve anything that I strive for. I’m losing interest in everything. I want to disappear, but I don’t want to hurt anyone. If I died, how would people at school react? Would they be sad? My friends would. I know they’d go through hell and blame themselves. They’d be mad at me. My family would be devastated. I can’t do that to my sister. What about people I don’t know. People who were there but not. People who saw me in the hallways. What would they say? Would they talk about how sad it was, how they thought I was cool and wished they could have done something? They’d be lying. I’m still here and I am so fucking numb and no one notices a damn thing. They don’t see the way I hide. They’re blind. They’d maybe come to the funeral. They’d talk about how they never knew I was hurting. It was plain as day. How could you not see ? Oh, i’m nice, not nice enough for you to talk to. I talk about being dead inside and I’m not joking. I’m not trying to fit into some “Emo” Aesthetic. Yes, I wear black and all that. But. It’s not like that. I’m not in some huge phase where “Oh life sucks”. I’m struggling/ I’m dropping hints. Help me. I don’t know what to do. Help me before I go too far. I don’t see myself graduating high school, I don’t see myself achieving college goals. and being happy. I don’t see myself having kids. I don’t think I’m going to live much longer. I dont know. Maybe one day I’ll snap and just down a bottle of pills and this will be the only remnants of a note. I’ll chicken out if I actually write a suicide note. What would my internet friends do? How would they find out? I’m sorry. I’m too damaged. I don’t know if it was because of what *name* did. Or how *other name* used me. Maybe it is because *ex boyfriend name* and what they did to me. Why am I still waiting. Why am I never good enough? Why am I so fucking broken? I’m so stupid. Maybe I just don’t deserve to be happy. Maybe if I die, things will get better. I failed everyone. And its not just cuz of my trigger at all state. I tried so hard and I let everyone down. They were counting on me. Am I ever going to be okay? I know I have people who care about me. I know that they would help me. I’m scared. I don’t like being the broken girl. I don’t want to be viewed that way. I don’t want to be constantly greeted with worried glances. I don’t want to hear “How long have you been clean” I just want it all to go away.

How could I tell anyone? My parents will probably brush it off with “Pfft but you smile all the time and you have plenty of friends, you just want attention” I actually hate attention, hate being looked at like I’m some kind of freak. They don’t have the thoughts that I have, They don’t go through every day screaming at themselves and scratching at their sleeves to get the thoughts to stop. They don’t feel the pain. To them I’m just some whiny little 16 year old. Pft hormones or whatever. Maybe it is. Maybe I;m making it up. What’s even the point. Could the school counselor help me? Maybe I should stop trying.

(In really dark and angry letters that are hard to read at the bottom it says: “I’m just a disappointment”

I realize this was really long and I appreciate it if you read it to the end. I look at this and I see recovery. I haven’t fallen into a hole this deep in such a long time and a lot of this I can now look back at and look at my life now and say that it isn’t true. I may have not gotten help professionally, but I reached out to a friend of mine who did everything in his power to talk me down and keep me safe, And I have done the same to him. I just hope that by reading this someone can find some kind of.. help? They can look at this and look at the progress and maybe they can do the same. I also would love to spread awareness. THIS is how BAD depression can get. THESE are the things that run through our heads and NO ONE notices. WE ARE ALONE. It isn’t some made up thing. We aren’t asking for attention. We want help. We want out of this fucking hell before it’s too late. Please. Help us. Look at the signs, check in on your loved ones. We might need it. I’ve talked my best friend out of suicide before and he’s getting help right now and I’m so proud of him. Recovery is possible. Just please, if you need help. seek it.. and if you don’t and you know someone who does.. please do whatever you can.

Not trying to push anyone, but by reblogging this you could potentially help someone, so please I encourage you to do so. Share this story. Do anything you can. Please.