#i got that cbt

[copperbadge]

I’m so sorry to you and the helpful anon but idk what CBT means and my brain supplied “Creative Bitch Trauma” and now I’m giggling

I mean, a significant portion of my readers probably went straight to "Cock and Ball Torture" which is the other CBT.

(It stands for Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, but I feel like Creative Bitch Trauma is an appropriate translation.)

[bloodybellycomb]

Me: I feel disgusting and horrible and worthless, I'm going to wallow in these feelings forever :(

The imaginary version of disco elysiums kim kitsuragi who lives inside my brain: those thoughts seem unproductive detective, let's focus on what we can actually do to fix the problem for now, perhaps take a shower?

Me: yes king, you're totally right king, I never want to disappoint you, time for a shower, thank you :)

[effemimaniac]

dude everything is fun and exciting and so promising but like the whiplash of the trajectory of my life changing so quickly and drastically is kindof making me a tiny bit mentally crazy in some ways and idk how quite to cope with that. makes me scared of fucking things up

[gxlden-angels]

do you have any thoughts on the story of abraham and isaac? my parents talk about it and praise abraham for being willing to kill his son which..... scares me to say the least, and i'd love to hear your perspective as someone who seems more well-adjusted

Where I am now, it disgusts me more than anything. The interpretation of "I'm willing to sacrifice your life if I was told to" feels like the step before "I put you into this world and I can take you out of it." It's entitlement to a child, who is an independent individual, just because they are dependent on you for survival. I prefer the interpretation of understanding the actions you're taking and the reasons why (like how there's multiple religions that don't eat pork because it was so unsafe to eat at the time), especially if it's at someone else's expense.

Where I was in the thick of it all, it gave me morbid comfort that scares me now. I had fantasies of being a martyr for the church and the idea of being the next Isaac was just so appealing. Being a hand-selected sacrifice chosen by the Good Lord Himself? Sign me the fuck up, babey!

I think if I admitted that to my family, they'd be horrified.

It's another one of those stories or beliefs where I think the majority of christians just regurgitate what they've heard. It's a point of pride and devotion, but there's no personal reflection or cross-cultural awareness of it. Lean not unto your own understanding and whatnot. It's the potential that scares me the most, like the Quiverfull movement with the Duggars or Turpins. I'm sure there's stories now, but I can't remember them off the top of my head

(Also I will be telling my therapist someone on Tumblr called me "more well-adjusted" thank you anon)

[eri-pl]

Silmarils, grief and hope.

We all know grief is a big theme and all that, and related to Tolkien's life. But. The Silmarils.

Long chaotic post about "wanting the Silmarils is related to having unprocessed grief" and "the Silmarils are hope, but Not Like That".

(I'm not sure how many there are for whom it makes a difference, but I assume it's a non-zero amount: sort of Morgoth-pov at the very end which may be emotionally intense. For convenience, it's separated with a picture. The rest is much more calm, I think. Just chaotic and may have autocorrect errors.)

Why do so many people (allegedly) want them more than it would make sense, even if they aren't cursed?

So many events on the story of those jewels are related to grief. Feanor makes them after his mother does and he cannot process his feelings properly (which is not his fault; where would he learn to process them? But it is a thing.)

Then he loses them when his father dies and really wants them back, swears the oath. Then he does and his sons swear the oath again, and of course they don't process their grief properly either.

Oh and I forgot, before that, the Valar. They lose the Trees and want them back. Interestingly, it's not Manwe (the king) who is most focused on getting the Silmarils for that, nor Varda (most associated with them), but Yavanna (sure, it was her trees, but also she's the most loss-avoiding Vala, she misses each tree that is being cut) and Tulkas (lowest emotional intelligence of all proper Valar). Again, the perceived need to get the Silmarils is where there's some unprocessed grief, and most intense in those Valar who would have the hardest time processing it.

(and Aule! He actively advocates for granite keeping it. But I'm sure the "my best Maia joined Morgoth, I'm constantly bullied, my wife doesn't like me, and I am never a jerk despite it all" guy is pretty good at processing his negative feelings.)

(Also, how the sun and moon are made? The fruit grow when Nienna cries, and it is Nienna, she is processing the grief in a proper, healthy way. And it... It solves the problem (lack of light) for which the Silmarils were "necessary". Sure, the moon and sun are lesser, not as beautiful... But there's a theme there. Namely, the third of them. 🙂 Things change. You can't fix anything important by going Ctrl+Z on it. You have to go forward, not backwards.)

The Silmarils are the feeling of hope (see: reactions to Gil-Estel, and it's very name) they are a promise that it all will be good. They are a good thing, but to an untrained eye the promise seems much more immediate, much more like something that can be done here and now.

If I only had them, all would be fine.

And they are not this, Nienna would know, I'm pretty sure Varda knew too when she blessed them (she may have not realized how others see it). They are just a reminder of something unsaid. Estel, not amdir. (It's a little funny to me how this means "looking up" but it's not for this post)

Anyway, the Silmarils. Thingol who realizes he'll lose his daughter (doesn't know how much he would lose her, but a sad marriage to a diet Man is enough, also a kid growing up can be a grief in itself. Or maybe it is because she will be mortal, maybe he suffers from what @dfwbwfbbwfbwf called "pre-traumatic stress disorder"). And a Silmaril is the only thing that could let him through the pain of losing his daughter.

And then he carries it, of course he does, if he let it go he would have to face his pain. He dies and Luthien wears the jewel, then after her death - Dior. A chain of deaths and losses and a beautiful gem.

It is too much for their half-mortal eyes, too much hope to be able to let go of it even if they had a reason.

And Maedhros starts demanding it after Unnumbered Tears (unnumbered, unprocessed, unhealed), which sure, has also a more political/reasonable explanation (he's out of other options), but also, it's a lot of grief.

And it goes into a chain of deaths.

Melian never cared about the Silmaril (she cared about it as a problem, but not about having it). Beren gave it up easily. Earendil have it to the Valar (they have it back later).

The dwarves... There are two things here. One is generational trauma of "the sindar hunted our ancestors for sport"+general racism. The other is that dwarves generally have more need of hope I think... Elves are reborn, Men are said to go somewhere beautiful and mysterious, and the Dwarves??? It's very uncertain.

And at the end it is Makalaure "singing apology songs which doesn't make me less of a murderer, just a hypocrite, but at least helps me process my traumas" Kanafinwe who throws the hope away because someone else would make a better use of it probably, and goes on to live through his darkness.

It's so hard to face your pain and start looking not only at hope for you, but at hope for the others. And sometimes what the world needs to have more hope, is you facing your pain.

I can't find a clear name for what the Silmarils are/mean in this... Something close to hope, but also something you must let go of to process your grief... It's inherently good, but can be overused... I'm sure there's something fitting, I just can't find it.

And the "Feanor will break the Silmarils" thing? For the trees? Seriously? No. He will break then because he will learn to live without them, to live with his pain. He breaks then because they aren't relevant anymore. (Who said that about fulfilled hope not being called hope anymore? My favorite "I can write more weird and more enigmatic stuff that you, but it makes waaay more actual sense than your posts anyway" guy?) He breaks them, but it's not necessary, it's just natural.

(but also tbh they do look a little like seeds so idk why not have new trees, they are kinda cool... well my perception of them looking like seeds is based mostly on "need to break" anyway... My thinking goes in atypical ways)

And there's Morgoth. Oh of course there's Morgoth. The dark Vala who couldn't (wouldn't) process his feelings even if they came with a manual. (He's an Ainu. They very likely initially came with a manual. But he thought he knew better)

He wants to steal hope and blacken it, and destroy it, right?

So... He feeds the Silmarils to Ungoliant? Tries to break them? Hides them far away?

No.

He wears them on his face, even if it hurts terribly. It hurts like dying. This is how clinging to your ego defences feels like. "the pain demands to be felt", to quote my favorite psychology YouTuber writing someone else. If you don't face it, it will still burn. If you run away from it, it will still be there. If you cling to the "I am not sad, everything is fine, it's great", it will burn your face.

But anything else would mean admitting there's a problem. Admitting that they burn would mean admitting that he was wrong. That his pain is there, and also it's not purely (not mostly tbh) others' fault, that he's not the victim in here.

What pain?

Well if you want my opinion, it's funny that it was Finwe who guarded the Silmarils. Finwë who favored his older, more temperamental, more brilliant son and made him the crown prince. Finwë who never told Feanor to sit down and cut his BS. Finwë who everyone says it's such a great father. So if everyone says that, it is rational to expect such behavior, right? It's valid to be angry about being treated in a different way? It must be. Anything else would mean that he was wrong.

It's better to burn.

[zeynatura]

WHAT DOES THIS MEAN!?

☆

[gravehags]

bro is it legal to kiss your psychiatrist on the mouth

[savage-rhi]

First: HONEY DON'T FEEL BAD FOR CRITIQUING THERAPISTS AND THE WAY SHITS RUN! WE NEED TO HEAR THAT! I'm in mental health, and there are some REAL nasty pieces of work in the field who like preying on patients' vulnerability, and they're damn good at manipulating the systems and social dynamics!

Second, everyone should check this out. It brings up so many good points and considerations to make when seeking therapy or another mental health related service.

[ploppythespaceship]

Guys. You know it's okay for multiple things to share an abbreviation. Right? Or to have the same acronym. Nobody is "stealing" anything. There are only so many words and letters in the alphabet. It's okay to have overlap and figure out which thing is meant in the moment by context clues. It's okay.

[mango-ti]

Dendro abyss mage and it's staff, and dendro hilichurl from the first beta, exported and rendered by me

Surprisingly both of them are fully rigged

Textures and 1 icon below (only abyss mage has an icon)

[warningsine]

Lorna was definitely prepared for Covid 19

[gfl-neural-cloud]

[C-Doll Archive] //:_Betty

"What's your name?"

She blinked a few times in rapid succession. The rate-limited gears in her head began to turn. Right! In "Magical Girl Sigma", there was this one character with a cat tail named "Betty"! "Betty! I'm Betty, nya!" She blurted out.

[selamat-linting]

yknow, the way "get help" and "get therapy" become the go to words to tell someone off is annoying. it comes across as insincere. especially when you know the usual context of its usage and how bad psychiatry is as an institution. the biomedical model of mental illness is based off of pseudoscience, many therapists are several kinds of bigoted, and plenty of the mindfulness advice can only act as a temporary measure if the source of the trauma (material conditions) arent properly addressed. a lot of people came out worse out of psychiatry.

people say get help, get therapy. as if its easy. they dont think of the kind of hoops and cost one had to go through to even access a proper therapist. or finding a medication that work. worst case scenario of "getting help" isnt that nothing changes, the worst case is becoming involuntarily hospitalized, abused and violated by medical staffs, and take meds that gave you side effects you dont want and were not informed of. like, im not saying therapy and meds are useless, every case of mental illness is different and you should choose therapy and/or meds if it works, but therapy isnt a cure for all for all kinds of behavior that you dont like. stop saying "get therapy" when what you truly want to say is "get out of my face you dumb fuck"

disclaimer, i dont think the words "get help" or "get therapy" is inherently wrong. i think its the intention behind it that matters. and im the kind of person who'd like it better if people say what they truly mean. and oftentimes i see that "get therapy" is used as just a gentle way of telling someone to disappear off the face of the earth until they can learn to be a normal and pleasant member of society. not actual concern. a way of being mean without being painted as an asshole. thats so fake. and kind of ableist tbh. like, i'd rather have people telling me to outright kill myself than to have them tell me to go get therapy. at least theyre honest.

[kristailine]

I'm so agitated about all the stuff I need to accomplish in uni by next week since it's evaluations/exam szn.

I should be sleeping since I got a long day ahead tomorrow, but I'm so freaking anxious. Fuck it, I really deserve to play Tekken 8 CBT when all of this is over or I will cry.

And I hope I get to free my sched to get back to writing fanfics too after evals szn. I truly do miss bringing something to the table.

[waporlock]

at the very least, i was being so brave abt it in this foreign country, away from all my closest friends

letting the social anxiety flare go thru me and wash away, trying to process it as well and as indepedently as i can

goddamn. doing erasmus is so hard :( in very unexpected ways. im being so fkin brave abt this its exhausting

[icterid-rubus]

I need to know if you called the alumni guy or not!

I have not, he said he’d call tonight. Although, I’ve got my phone in a death grip and am mentally wrestling with myself to not text him that I’ve like been hospitalized or something and can’t talk lmao