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inkdrinkershadowsinger · 5 years ago

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Thoughts/Background Prisoner of Azkaban

First all, let me state that without Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban that we would not have had a franchise. We would have had three movies then done. One hundred percent. This movie changed everything from the sharpness that was lacking in the first two, to the creative that stayed pretty true throughout the rest of the series. This made it less wholesome and sweet like One and Two, and channeled just everything into a solid direction that was edgy and new.

No magic outside of school. No wonder the ministry is watching his ass.

I’ve heard that this scene is supposed to represent Harry masturbating, and if that is true, then we sure have gone in a new direction.

No wonder he can’t sleep Vernon, you keep busting into his room every night.

The first two movies, I felt like Harry was rather young looking, but in this one, Harry and all of the others really grow up, and may I say, “Glowed up” as well.

Just look at the sharpness and clarity in this movie. It was filmed wwith a different camera entirely.

Marge is a bitch. I hate her guts. Umbridge is the number one villain, then her, then Voldemort.

Harry thinks he wins, and then he can spell some shit about to pop off.

And since Harry is a Gryffindor, he cannot keep his mouth shut when this horrible woman is insulting his parents.

And Harry has probably heard even at school that his mother just because of her blood wasn’t as good as anyone else, and to have that compounded when this horrible turnip comes to stay was probably way too much for him.

Dudley couldn’t care less. Petunia is very concerned that this is going to ruin her dinner.

See how Harry runs!!! He’s like, “Time to go.”

I love that we get this shot of Lily and James dancing in nearly every movie.

Try me, bitch.

Marge is floating away into the night sky. I would hate to be the person who had to fly up and get her down to be obliviated.

It looks like he is near a park, is the park that is adjacent to the one that Harry is in at the beginning of Ootp?

SIRIUS!!!!!!

Stan is amazing. He just states the obvious in the funniest of ways. If there wasn’t such an age difference with the suspected death eater activity, him and Luna would have been cute.

What does that red sign say above Stan’s head on the bus? It looks like it says, Black Pepper Impi???? I’m sure about the Black Pepper, but I’m not sure about the last or the first word.

Stan says the most iconic thing her, “Don’t you tell me that you’ve never been hearin’ of Sirius Black.” Stan’s incredulity is amazing here because every knows about Sirius. And everyone should, dang beautiful man.

Tom sure transformed for this movie.

I love that he would have a car out front. You could activate the alarm to keep Muggles who got to close to run off.

It looks like that quill is dictating what the minister is saying. He is most likely making a formal decree as he is telling Harry that everything is all well and good and he is getting off with a little slap on the wrist.

Sirius Black. This is one of the best names in literature. It is just perfect. It could be corny and ordinary but it is perfect.

I love that from the windows of the Leaky you can see both Diagon and also the Muggle world. It is a nice meeting point.

You know the shopkeeper was selling what, a hundred of these monster books, and no one thought to tell any of them how to open them without getting ripped up?

I love all the details in this movie. The guy stirring his drink with his hand, the maid here. I love it all. This movie is very detailed oriented.

The only known shot of who is probably the hottest Weasley brother, if not figuratively then definitely literally.

There is art on the walls of the Leaky, but none of them seem to be moving.

The person in the background is carring like 70 plates as they wobble above their head.

The tea is pouring itself.

Let me just tell you that perhaps you may actually get murdered this year, but no big deal, just keep your nose down. This seems to be such a British sort of thing, like keep your head down, and nothing bad will happen.

I hate those wanted posters because they look like they were taken upon intake, and Sirius has just lost everything, and the loss and angry and desperation portrayed here really messes me up. Like I know that they aren’t real people, but dang, those emotions are real.

Percy in the background here. I never noticed him before.

They all look so grown up. My gosh.

Lupin!

You can always count on Ron to tell the truth.

That bottle of water right there by Lupin’s head. I take it two ways. One, that’s legit all Lupin could probably afford on this trip. And two, it would be a good way for him to keep his face hidden, but see inside of it to see whose reflections are present so he can know who took the compartment with him. I also headcanon, that this is after a full moon night which is why he is a bit lethargic.

The reason that Harry passed out, and no others did was because the dementors were feeding off of him. They took at least three pulls from Harry, but not anyone else.

If you have any questions about whether Hogwarts curriculum is up to snuff just look at any movie. These kids should get a crash course in all the crap that could kill them immediately so that they are aware. I wonder what the accidental death rate is at Hogwarts?

The chorus!!! I know that this was an add in from the director, but I love it, and it should remain canon. I also like they copied it, though with a more nefarious sound during Half Blood Prince.

“Something wicked this way comes!”

Snape claps like three times.

Why would they seat him next to Snape in the first place? Dumbledore is a shit stirrer, and completely planned that.

Draco is a punk bitch. But at this point, you can just see that it is teasing more than anything nefarious. He’s a little bully.

Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, if only one remembers to turn on the light. This is one of the most iconic quotes of the series.

Everyone is watching the Fat Lady perform. I love that they brought her to life more, but kept that sassy attitude.

This scene is pure gold. It brought a lot of needed MAGIC to this movie about magic.

I love that Hogwarts is this super prestigious campus with bridges and fountains.

The way that the Womping Wilow is used to portray time is amazing.

She has all of the tea cups stacked behind her. Are those from an earlier class that need to be washed?

This whole film was shot using VIVID from Iphone.

Everyone behind her just leans into see what new stuff Harry Potter is going to get up to this year.

Ron, get some glasses, that clearly looks like a fucking dog. Dang.

Ron is keeping track of his girl. It took them too long to get together.

I don’t care what anyone says about Hagrid as a teacher this lesson was amazing.

Some things are just so second nature to Hagrid. It is proof that different types of intelligence are ral.

When your friends are that choreographed to mock your enemies, like that is some commitment. I stan the Slytherins a bit for this.

In the books, Harry actually steps up for Hagrid instead of being volunteered by everyone else.

Drapple, part one.

That girl behind Ron and Hermione looks to be about twenty seven years old. Someone got into Hogwarts from this reality, and I am pissed that it wasn’t me.

Just the scope and grandeur of Hogwarts, and the grounds really just gets me.

Malfoy is such a whiner. But I assume that he isn’t quite used to pain, any pain really.

The ghosts, also, in this movie are way more dynamic then the ghosts in the previous films.

You really get a sense, a subtle one, of blossoming emotions between members of the opposite sex.

I never noticed that there are hands holding Sirius for this mug shot. It looks to be at least two people that are physically restraining him for this shot.

Lupin calls on Neville of all people, and I am obsessed with him forever because of this. It is popular fanon that the Marauders knew Frank and Alice. It would make sense that Lupin had heard something about Neville from the rest of the teachers, and decided to help bolster this child of his friends.

That image is seared into Neville’s mind.

Can a boggart touch people? I made a headcanon about that, but it would be nice to see what you all think.

I would have really liked to have sseen Hermione’s boggart. I know that the boggart scene in Fantastic Beasts left a few people underwhelmed, but I wonder if Hermione’s would have been just as tame.

McGonagall is authoritative. The perfect teacher balance.

I wonder how hard it was for Remus to stand on this bridge with Harry. I wonder what instance he is talking about here. Lily was there for him when no one else was? When? What instance? This is why we need more information about the Marauders era, and why I did a thing. If you want the thing, message me.

Is it weird that I’m a bit thirsty for head boy Percy’s voice?

She said the same thing to Sirius when he was a student. “Eyes like the devil.” But she probably didn’t mind as much then. We all know Sirius is smoking hot. Have you seen that Tumblr posts where Harry Potter series is ranked based on how attractive Sirius is described?

This might be the most beautiful that the ceiling of the Great Hall gets.

Snape knows how to assert dominance even as a substitute.

That projector is amazing looking.

I love that their school books in DADA are separated by creatures who sleep at night verses the day.

Malfoy isn’t even using that sling.

Hogwart’s professors do not give extra time on assignments okay, unless you are litearlly dead. If Harry had rolled up in there as a ghost, Snape would still be like, “Where is my essay?”

Is that supposed to be Cedric?

Why is Harry actually seeing the Grim though? Who is sending him these signs? How? Why?

That was a long way to fall.

We only see Dumbledore use his wand on a handful of occasions. Harry, the boy who will save them all, is literally falling out of the sky, and he still doesn’t use it.

You can see the Hufflepuffs in the background. I wonder who they were visiting. Madam Pomfrey probably can’t go one match without having a room full of patients afterward.

Fred Weasley looking fine.

The music here is amazing and soothing.

I imagine that kids swim out to that little island all the time during the warmer months.

Another reason Harry is not in Ravenclaw: It took him at least three Hogsmeade weekends to figure out that he could use his cloak to get there unseen.

Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs = My boys

I love when Fred and George speak in unison.

It looks like they make their own candy at the bottom of the shop.

Harry just took Neville’s lollipop though he can’t eat it as he walks down the street because it is on the outside of the cloak.

Hermione who grew up in the Muggle world instantly knows that it is Harry. Ron, who grew up in the wizarding world legit thought that it could have been ghosts from the Shrieking Shack.

Harry is someone who values loyalty above all else. It is why he eventually stands up for Neville and Luna because they were there for him at one point in time. To know that Sirius, the person who was his father’s best friend betrayed him is something that would have made Harry feel physically ill. It would be something that he wouldn’t entirely be able to process, and as a teenage boy, his feelings resulted in this show of anger and frustration.

Everything in this movie is visually stunning, and really sets the tone for the other films.

I wonder what Remus is thinking about in this situation. Is he wondering just why Harry doesn’t have many memories that he can draw on? Is he wondering what his life has been like? What his life would have been like if Lily and James had lived and thinking that he would have had all the happy memories in the world if they had?

You can see the instruments tracking the heavenly patterns.

So, does a Boggart take on all of the traits that the creature it is mimicking? If it takes the shape of a lethifold can it kill you? If it takes the shape of a dementor can it suck out your soul for real? What are the limitations?

And a train set? Does Remus have a thing for trains?

I wish that we would have got some more emotion here from Remus. Harry is giving all of himself here, and Remus is just quietly taking it all in.

Crookshanks in the house.

I love Hagrid’s outfit here.

Best Ron/Harry interaction. You kick those tape dance wearing spiders arses, Ronald Weasley.

In the previous two films we have those lights that blaze with fire like motion activated flames, but this hallway is dark and dank for dramatic effect.

At this point, Harry doesn’t believe in the maps infallibility so it would make sense that he doesn’t really go to anyone and explain what he say on the map. Also, how would he know that someone wouldn’t take it from him? He would have seen this as his only way to get to Hogsmeade with his friends, and he wouldn’t have wanted to give that up for anything.

The Marauders were some of the most intelligent students that have ever walked the halls of Hogwarts. They charmed this piece of parchment in what fifth year? They mapped almost the entire school, found several secret passageways, and helped out their friend in one of the most epic ways possible. I love them. (Peter found most of the passageways in his animagus form)

Read: Charming James Potter was one charming mother f-er. BET.

One of the only times Harry was pleased to read in front of a teacher.

Lupin to the rescue.

Snape is not subtle. It’s no wonder Hermione figured it out. Legit half of the Slytherins know, but they are so tired of having subpar defense teachers that they just go on with their business as usual.

I really wanted to see some more emotion on Lupin’s face. I want to see some subtly in the way that he looks at Harry or the way that he plays a scene. I want to see some longing for his lost friends or his friends son. I wanted to see more. I love this character, but I think it could have had more nuance.

Even the amazement at hearing Peter’s name is sort of dulled here. Idk.

Hermione is one hundred percent the person who cheats at board games, and who wrecked the board when she lost as a little girl. Only child syndrome.

This is the most visually pleasing classroom. You can see Sirius’ face in the crystal ball.

And does Harry tell anyone about this prophecy? Nope. No. Not anyone important.

Draco is instantly afraid because he knows that Hermione is a bad bitch. Also, he might be terrified because he knows how easy it is for people to lose control of their wands.

The Stonehenge like structures here are so interesting to me. They reach to the Heavens, they are in a circular pattern. If you’ll notice in movie 5, the chamber that the trial is in looks like it was built on top of an older chamber. It just makes everything feel as if the new is breeding from these old ancestral power lines or something of that nature, and I just love that idea.

Hagrid is the most responsible adult in this movie. Dumbledore and McGonagall are like, “Yeah, go ahead and meddle with time, no worries.” Hagrid is like, “Don’t worry about me and my feelings about Buckbeak, just get out of here, and be safe heading back to the castle.”

You have to think that even though Sirius spent 12 years in Azkaban that Peter’s time as a rat was never really all that perfect either. Being covered in bugs, constantly on the floor, people don’t really care for you, people who forget to feed you, 7 children all wanting your attention and pulling at you being the only pet that can’t fly in a house full of kids.

I always thought that was a very distinctive stone for Hermione to find and throw.

The time loop here always confused me.

The most awkward hug ever captured on film…no, wait....lol

When you are as blind as Harry James and I, losing your glasses means that you can’t see shit. You can’t see anything but swatches of color.

The Womping Willow has not forgotten that Harry and Ron threw a car into her. And she ain’t going to forget anytime soon.

“If you want to kill Harry, you’ll have to kill us too.” Loyalty, my friends. Absolutely crazy, we’re going to get sliced up by an escaped criminal loyalty, but loyalty none the less.

Sirius has spent twelve years in Azkaban, but is still a ten. I just read that Buzzfeed list about which HP characters had the most BDE, and I was not surprised to see Sirius Black on the list. Also, Professor McGonagall, who honestly should have held the top spot.

Lupin flirting from the word, “Go.”

Lupin has dealt with manic Sirius before. Several times.

“I did my waiting twelve years of it… in Azkaban!!!” Is one of the most iconic lines ever.

I had not yet read the books when this movie came out, and I remember be literally so surprised. “The rat is a man?? WTF?”

Snape, here, believes up to this point that Sirius is the reason that Voldemort was able to find Lily in the first place. He believes that Sirius is the reason that the only person Snape ever really cared about is dead. If Snape was a Gryffindor he would have went for the immediate gratification of AK’ing Sirius, but instead, Snape is a true Slytherin and that means that he is vicious, he wants to make sure the revenge is as bad as it can be. In that vein, he wants to let the dementors suck out Sirius’ soul. He wants Sirius to feel like he has felt all the years, like a body with no soul. Lifeless. Death, Snape would think, would be too easy for someone who had taken so much away from him.

Remus is like, “Okay, no, no negotiating or touching Severus at all, gotcha.”

Sirius is goading Snape even at wand point. You want to think that this is the Black family madness or Azkaban insanity, but it is just Sirius being a cocky bastard, overestimating himself and underestimating his opponents.

Sirius and Remus argued like this all the time. Snape gets the old married couple vibe, and honestly, me too.

This is how the Marauders argued. All standing, pacing the room is various shades of annoyance with one another, wishing the other would shut up, shouting “reason”, casting spells, Peter crawling under furniture to avoid said spells, aggressive politeness, “We do not say, “Shut up!��”

I would kill Pettigrew for the insipid voice of his.

Why would Dumbledore put a piano in the shrieking shack in the first place.

This is one place where Remus shows some nuance. He wants to kill Peter, intensely. He only stalls and reluctantly at that, because Harry says something.

Sirius looking at the castle and saying that one day he wishes that one day he could walk inside as a free man fucks me up. Hogwarts to Sirius must represent the reverse of everything that Azkaban did. The two places that Sirius spent most of his life. The happiest and the unhappiest memories that he has. The place where he had his friends and then the place where he only had their memories.

I hate this. They all just gradually glance at the moon like something has gone wrong. Like they are calling attention to some fun little oddity.

I wonder how many times Sirius tried to talk to Remus in the form of a wolf. Did he really think that it was possible to call back Remus from the wolf? Had they tried that before? Did it work?

Snape still tries to protect the kids even after they stunned him. Snape has a pathological fear of werewolves, and yet, he stands in its way.

I feel like if Remus was honest with everyone, Dumbledore and Harry that he could have told Harry that meeting up with Sirius and James and Peter in their animagus form while he was the wolf and that they kept him from hurting people would have given Harry more confidence in Sirius’ ability to handle Remus and he wouldn’t have run off with him in the first place. Sirius might never have gotten caught. They all might have made it back to the castle. I don’t know. Honesty is the best policy.

What is that little ball of light that floats out and then in of Harry’s mouth? What is that? Is that supposed to represent his soul? Because Sirius’s soul would be blazing red, yellow, and orange.

The way Dumbledore says, “Scabbers”, like he legit thinks that Ron’s rat could have had a hand in the trouble.

Me and Ron are the same. Dumbledore is just so cheery about the prospect of these two kids going back in time to SAVE LIVES. They aren’t going to the store to get milk, Dumbledore, this is serious business.

Buckbeak is living his best life.

Harry really wants to believe that his dad conjured this Patronus. He has just seen Sirius who isn’t a mass murderer at all, but someone who loves him intensely. He thinks that he is going to get away from the Dursleys. He just blasted the teacher that he hates. He has literally just gone back in time to help save his friends and catch the real bad guy. I mean, why wouldn’t he even consider the possibility that his dad could have somehow cast the Patronus? For Harry, it would seem at least possible if not probable.

I hate when Harry says, “He will come.” Harry is someone who has always only been able to depend upon himself, but in this moment, he thinks that he can depend on someone else to come to his rescue. I know that he finds his own empowerment here, and is able to cast a super strong charm to help get himself and Sirius out of trouble, but he, once again, had to stand up and take care of things himself.

The explanation that he gives on how he casts the patronus doesn’t make sense to me either, Hermione, don’t worry. Time loops are tricky business.

Sirius is down for this ride. Don’t tell me he never played Quidditch. I will fight you. He mocked James for it at first, but then was just as fanatical.

The way that Sirius holds Harry’s face just messes me up. It is like he is trying to memorize every detail in his face.

Remus moved so many small personal objects into this office. It gives you the feel that he really thought that he might be able to stay, and I hate that he was forced out. He is using a cane the night after the full because it was so rough.

The twins are beautiful mischief makers and I love them. I wish we had more of them in these films, but they are sprinkled in wonderfully.

Even Percy has to see this broom in action.

This was the best end for this film because while Harry didn’t get freedom from the Dursley’s he did get some fun which is what godfather’s are for, right?

The art for this film is out of its mind. It is creative and wonderful, and really takes you inside of the theme for this movie. I love it, and even the credits draw you further in to this universe. This is one film that makes all the others better just because it exists.

#Harry Potter #Harry Potter thoughts #prisoner of azkaban #Movie thoughts #Harry Potter analysis

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monkey-network · 5 years ago

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Good Stuff ~ Stray Thoughts: Steven Universe’s Movie

It’s high time I finally looked at this film. 100%, Monkey Style. Let’s roll...

Ah, a curtain raise. Fancy Schmancy.

Chance the Rapper! Good seeing him have a hand in the music, cause I doubt it’ll sound any different.

I wish the tale was more than just about Steven

Lucky she got planet earth, I guess.

*Holds onto the laugh* She latched onto Greg’s seed. HEHEEE KEK!

That’s one way of putting it

You know, I would’ve preferred he was 18 instead of 16. It makes sense that he’s still a teen, but that is me

I guess this film wouldn’t have gone the way it did if Steven didn’t dox himself like that.

“Saving.“ That reminds me. What of the Cluster? “They’ll never mention it.“ I know. *sigh*

I’m so glad this time skip makes me ask more than accept, trying to make me compelled for season 6 to know what happened in between that time. You’re not slick here, movie.

“The White Power Hour will be right back“

Am I the only one finding this scene with the Diamonds creepy?

“Come on, Steven. You’re all that stands between me and doing the racism.“

Connie! Glad you look spry and well in your 65% of screen time.

Cheek peck! Lovely!!!

Shoot, they could make a whole episode about him being a guest at the space camp. I mean I’m saying this cuz I doubt they are.

Ah, the “What Could Possibly Go Wrong?” song.

Zach is quite the singer when he can sing more naturally

Come on Pearl, don’t make me believe Rose was a character

Oh the chest is open. Neat. Wish I cared.

Unconsenting head warp

1st Born Amethyst is adorable.

*sigh* Wonderful. It’s a shame I’m gonna forget this song.

Ah, the best character in the series has arrived

Real Talk tho: How did our antagonist get to Earth with that craft so quickly? Like, let’s say it took 10 real minutes at best between Steven giving his Homeworld speech to resting on that hill. She just had that injector, roaring to go, and knew exactly where Steven might’ve been all in that short amount of time? “You know logic is not this show’s strong suit.” Let me dream, damn it!

Again, none of this would’ve happened if Steven didn’t out himself

Ruining other people’s happiness. I love her already.

Why did Steven getting his face kicked feel satisfying?

“Pink Diamond“ Ah, the secret word.

While “Other Friends” is such a bop, one of the only good songs so far, I knew this movie would have it’s musicals take place every.... less than five minutes.

Wait. The villain has stretchy powers, so there's an in-Universe reason to be off-model all the time? Oooooh, they’re fucked.

It was at that moment the villain knew, he fucked up.

Again, Steven getting kicked feels so satisfying.

Reaper? Awwwww ye!

I’m telling you. She let him slice her.

What? How can he not control his powers while he’s aware of- ugh.

Surprised he didn’t revert back to no neck Steven

Ok, that quick censor joke got a laugh outta me.

Two for two laughs, Greg is on a roll

How would gems know what seashells are?

Three minutes apart. Not bad.

Whaaat was that zoom?

Ah, the “For the Newbies/clueless” song

We’re doing the amnesia plot, Pearl, keep up a bit.

I’m somehow giddy and uncomfortable at Spinel’s presence.

Beautiful song. Sad I won’t remember this one.

Wonderful lip sync there.

Oh no, chekov’s scythe.

Heheheheheheh, Spinel’s dead eye stare

Ah Lapis, if only the show treated you better

That’s some morbid logic. I can dig it.

Seriously, if you are aware of your powers, then why can’t yo- ugh.

Ye, get the Diamonds. They could punt the injector out, everything could go as planned. Only problem would be having to listen to them.

I doubt Garnet would know what to do, honestly.

Spinel’s VA must’ve had a blast with the role

About five minutes apart. Doing better.

Song is better too. Not memorable, but it’s a fist pump worthy tune.

Dang it, Spinel, you’re precious!

I’m with Steven, I’m getting Cupcakes vibes with that pizza slicer

Ye, just let her pick up that weapon. It’ll conveniently advance the plot.

Oh a lovely constitutional for those two.

Rise of the Shield Hero!

Four minutes apart. Slightly better.

Weakest song by far, but the visuals were amazing.

Subtle moment here. I’ll express later.

Is Onion teleporting?

So sad Ronaldo.

Okay, that was a wholesome moment. “That’s why Amethyst and Steven ARE the best.“ You know it. *fist bump*

Ye, I think it’s best to get out of there?!

I doubt it’s gonna kill everything on Earth

Oh wait, what about the Clu- “It’s not gonna be mentioned.” The Cluster deserves better, man.

I honestly would’ve loved to see Steven lift that entire thing

Great, you made it worse.

But forget the end of the world. We got music to make.

A little over five minutes. Pretty good.

Why am I getting Pat Benatar vibes from this tune?

'Disobedient’ is bad btw

The look Steven and Greg gave before rocking out? I felt that. Now....

There comes a time in all forms of media consumption where you are so utterly bewildered by an event taking place that there are so many things wrong with it that you don’t have words and you simply laugh.....

When I saw this sequence for the first time I wish I recorded it. I burst out laughing, struggling to compose myself, and I was fundamentally blown away at what in the world I was seeing. And the kicker? I wasn’t even entirely sure of why.....

It’s like so many issues cascade on your brain at once, you are overwhelmed and you couldn’t possibly pass it out in the amount of time you have left before something utterly ridiculous happens on top of what you just saw....

So that is why posts like this exist, to collect and come up with a sensible way to exhibit one’s feelings about the sequence because.... what. the. fuck. Let’s roll back.

Chad Gem? Chad motherfucking gem.

Got a pompadour, super-sized mullet, potentially 8-pack, and a clean shave which surprised me the most. They just... *MWAH* pulled no punches with Multiverse’s design.

The powers however confuse me. Can he just fly now and make anyone fly?

I get where people were coming from with their discomfort, but honestly this is the funniest thing in this entire movie. Nothing about this feels right and that just makes it hilarious.

I’m just gonna say it.... *DEEP BREATH IN* RULE 34 MUST HAD A FIE- *snap* Sorry, low hanging fruit.

Did Pearl just literally sploosh?

It’s Always Sunny honestly did this better.

Opal, you’re back for a minute! I forgot she could talk.

We All Float.

Damn Steven, you look like shit.

Steve-o, you’re not helping her situation. Comfort her, fool.

Oof, this is gonna be a painful number isn’t it?

Such a dear jester

A nice detail is that Spinel’s voice feels slowly exhausted and empty the more she shares of her memories. It makes that scene where she snapped at Steven make a lot more sense.

I also like that it isn’t clear if Steven sees what she’s envisioning but can understand what she might’ve remembered.

*taps the mic* Pink is a CUNT. That will be all.

'Drift Away’ was.. beautiful. Ugh, not gonna remember it though, which sucks.

That brings up a question. Was there never a message saying that Pink was “shattered”? Like you’d think news like that would’ve reached any and everywhere, Spinel especially. That certainly would’ve changed a few things.

Okay, ‘Found‘ was a great AND memorable song. That’s two out of.... ten. Not bad.

Greg is honestly the best in this movie.

Uh, Steven? You’re just leaving her there.

“Just Forget.“ How to make someone on edge feel worse in two words or less.

Welp, there’s Chekov’s scythe.

Pretty convenient he kept that around to further the plot.

I would say Spinel’s gone off the deep end, but.... uh, ugh I can’t help but side with her? I really just wanna give her a hug before the end of the world happens.

Garnet, are you gonna do anything? Were you this stagnant?

Ah, it’s the “Marketed like Let it Go” song.

I love that we got chill music in the midst of the apocalypse. It’s a good way to die.

Guess they saved the animation budget for the violence? Lovely.

Wait, that’s it? All that fluid and it doesn’t even look like it’ll destroy the world? Just Beach City? That kinda... kills the tension.

And why was everyone just standing there? Jesus, this feels messy.

It’s the final bout!

Tch, Get Dekt, Steven.

Shield hero’s back!

Spinel I love ya, and I don’t blame ya, but singing’s all they’ve done this entire movie.

Dead.

I got Mob Psycho vibes from that nuke. Don’t know why.

That reminds me. WHERE THE FUCK WAS THE MILITARY?! “Cause and Effect is not a stro-” Shut up!

Then stay with him, Spinel. Travel the world, be more than a single one’s friend and... oh, the Diamonds are here.

That’s a fate worse than death, dictators moving in with you.

It’s only been one night, White.... Seriously, this all happened in a day. It feels weird.

I’m with Yellow. That is sickeningly funny.

Seriously, their song is creepy. I don’t trust them like that.

I got a problem with Spinel’s ending deep down. Then again, if she can be happy... then I’m happy that she’s happy. That’s something, I guess.

Okay, I’m tired of the singing.

But when I think about it, I feel bad for Steven. All he just wanted was some time to himself where he didn’t have to deal with any bullshit. Had to teach whole dictators and remodel a whole empire. Yeah, he’s gonna change as he grows, but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with having “me time” so to speak. Can’t the kid have a chance to not have to worry about anything, actually live a life? No? Jerks?

Well that was a bit of fun. While the musicals and most of the characters felt like an afterthought, save for Greg, Spinel, and Steven, there were a few moments that honestly made the watch worth it, intentionally or not. I really have no interest in seeing this again, but I’m satisfied with the events that transpired and I’m glad the crew got to make this film. “What about the moral of the story?”

Eh, it’s Steven Universe, morals are whatever.

#su the movie #su critical #thoughts #cartoons #Good Stuff #dumb #long post

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mxliv-oftheendless · 5 years ago

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Black Dahlia (Chapter 1)

-blows trumpet- Bum-ba-da-dum-bum-bum-BAH! Here it is, the main story of the Black Dahlia series! I am honestly so proud of myself, because I waited until I had it all written out before I posted it; it took me ALL DAMN SUMMER, but it’s finally done! I know it’s basically Scooby Doo and KISS: Rock N Roll Mystery with an added character, but I’ve taken the time to flesh out Black Dahlia’s character a bit. Hope you enjoy!

She could hear the flowers as she filled up her watering can. They didn’t have a voice in the traditional sense, in that they formed words, but they had a voice of sorts, and that was what she heard.

“It’s all right,” she said aloud as she turned off the water. “I’m coming,”

She knew they couldn’t hear her. Once upon a time, they could… but not anymore. She couldn’t hear them as well, either. Once she could hear them as plainly as she heard everyone else. But as time passed, and as she aged, the voices faded, until they were only a faint whisper.

She went around her house, watering the various plants. Along the way she passed her radio, which had beside it a whole shelf lined with CDs. She paused at her shelf, smiling fondly at her music collection. Earth definitely had produced many amazing rock bands. They all reminded her of the music of home.

She was just finishing when the doorbell rang. She put down her watering can, went to the door, and opened it. Standing on her front porch were four young adults and a Great Dane.

“Hey, Aunt Heather!” Fred greeted her.

Heather McMann smiled. “Well, if it isn’t my favorite nephew!”

“I’m your only nephew,” Fred reminded her, still grinning. They did this exchange whenever they met.

“Exactly. C’mere, you!”

Heather hugged Fred tightly, then turned to the others. “Hey, kids. And hello, Scooby,”

“Hi, Miss McMann,” Velma said respectfully. “It’s great to see you,”

Heather shook her head as she ushered them inside. “Velma, what have I said about calling me ‘Miss McMann’?”

“Like, that it makes you feel old,” Shaggy piped up helpfully.

“Reah, rold,” Scooby agreed.

Heather pointed at them and nodded. “Exactly,”

“Well, you look great,” Daphne interjected. The redhead looked to be in an exceptionally good mood today.

Heather grinned and flicked a lock of her long blonde hair over her shoulder. “Of course I do, honey,”

Once the gang had settled down at her kitchen table with drinks, and Shaggy and Scooby had raided her fridge (she made a mental note to go grocery shopping soon), Heather popped open her can of Lacroix and asked, “So, to what do I owe the pleasure of a visit from my favorite nephew and his friends?”

“Well—” Fred began, but Daphne interrupted, so excited her words came out in a rush.

“WegotacallfromKISSWorldtocomesolveamysteryandwewantedtoknowifyou’dcomewithus!”

Heather paused and looked at her, raising an eyebrow. “… Run that by me again? And slower, please,”

Daphne took a sip of her drink to calm herself, then repeated what she said. “We got a call from KISS World to come solve a mystery, and we wanted to know if you would come with us,”

Heather tilted her head curiously. “KISS World?”

Velma shrugged. “Apparently, KISS has an entire theme park,”

“Oh, I know, Velma,” She had heard about it when it opened, but had never conjured up the guts to go. It was probably overpriced, anyway. “But I didn’t think there would be any problems at KISS World. Aren’t they having a Halloween concert there?”

She never dared venture out of her house on Halloween. Not when a certain being could show up…

Daphne nodded. “Yeah, they are. That’s why they called us. If we don’t solve the mystery, the concert could be canceled!”

Heather raised her eyebrows. “Now that is a catastrophe,” she agreed. She hated it as much as anyone when a rock concert had to be canceled. But she had the feeling Daphne was a bit more concerned about a KISS concert being canceled. “So you’re going, I’m guessing?”

Shaggy swallowed the bite of his snack and nodded. “Like, yeah, of course we are! It’s KISS, man! What more reason do ya need?”

Heather smiled and toasted him with her can. “Too true, my man. But why do you want me to come along with you?”

“Well, you do love KISS,” Velma reasoned. “A lot. Why do you love them so much, anyway?”

That was the question, wasn’t it? Heather glanced over at her CDs, most of which were indeed KISS albums. Her smile turned wistful for a moment. Then she shrugged. “I just do, Velma. But you still haven’t answered my question.”

“Well…” Fred said sheepishly. “… You’ve only left your house on Halloween once, and that was to take me trick-or-treating when I was ten. And we haven’t hung out in a while, plus you said a while ago it’s been ages since you’ve been to a rock concert. I just thought maybe, you could come with us, and after we solve the mystery, we could all go to the concert?”

Heather stared at him for a second. Then she smiled. Fred may have been a little odd with his obsession with traps and horrible acapella bands, but dang if he wasn’t the sweetest. He got it from his mother. “Aw, Freddy!” she cooed, reaching out to ruffle his hair. “That’s so sweet of you!”

“So you’ll go?” Shaggy asked eagerly.

Maybe it wouldn’t hurt to go somewhere on Halloween, just once. Maybe it would turn out okay. “I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

The gang cheered, and Heather laughed.

Maybe it would turn out okay…

-KISSTERIA-

And that was how Heather McMann found herself sitting with Shaggy and Scooby in the back of the Mystery Machine as it rolled down the highway, with a black box of green face paint and a brush in her hands.

“Okay, Scooby, you ready?”

Scooby nodded happily. “Ruh-huh!”

“Okay, hold still,”

Heather dipped her brush into the green paint and began to paint the area around Scooby’s eyes green. The whole gang, except for Fred, had decided to dress up as KISS; Daphne was Starchild, Shaggy was Demon, Velma was Spaceman, and Scooby, in the funniest twist of irony, was Catman. Fred flat-out refused to dress up, saying he didn’t want to look stupid. Heather had refused as well, and currently wore her very ordinary outfit of black Converse, white washed jeans, a plain red shirt and her favorite black leather jacket. As usual, her pendant shaped like a black dahlia flower hung around her neck.

“Daphne, sweetie, you sure you don’t want me to draw the star?” Heather called.

“No thanks, I’m good,” Daphne replied, and returned to sketching the outline of a star over her right eye.

“Like, I can’t believe we get to go to KISS World!” Shaggy exclaimed excitedly as Heather finished on Scooby’s face. He gave her a lick on the cheek in thanks.

“And solve a mystery,” Velma added. “That’s like killing two birds with one stone!”

Scooby popped up, eager to show off his finished makeup. “Reah! Or two birds rith one cat!”

Heather laughed as she moved up to sit with Velma in the backseat. “It’s awesome to see you guys so excited,”

“Like, you look excited, too, Heather,” Shaggy commented.

Heather kept smiling. If she were to be honest, she was excited. She hadn’t left her house on Halloween in years, and now here she was, going to see the boys in concert. Almost exactly like the good old days…

“Personally, I find their sideshow act a little juvenile,” Velma stated. “But my mother told me to take a more active role in my friends’ interests.” She shrugged sheepishly at Heather. “Sorry, Heather.”

Heather shook her head. “It’s fine, Velma. We’re all interested in different things.”

“Well, I’m pretty interested in Starchild,” Daphne piped up. Her star was almost completely colored in. “He’s so dreamy,” she sighed as she went back to painting.

Heather saw Fred’s head turn slightly to glance at her, then he jerked the steering wheel to the left. The van immediately swerved left, throwing them all to the side, and causing Daphne’s brush to jerk away, leaving a black streak across her face.

“Hey!” Daphne protested.

“Sorry, everyone,” Fred apologized, though he didn’t sound sincere.

Daphne pointed her finger accusingly at him. “You did that on purpose!”

Shaggy looked at her black streak and laughed. “Like now it looks like a shooting star. Make a wish, Scoob!”

“Uh, I wish I was eating a Scooby Snack!” Scooby said cheerfully.

“Good one, dude. Uh, I wish I could breathe fire like the Demon!” Shaggy stuck out his tongue and pretended to breathe fire.

Amused, Heather put a finger to her cheek and played along. “Hmm… I wish my bluebells would listen when I tell them to grow. They’ve been real stubborn lately.”

“I wish you’d all come to your senses,” Fred said to them. “You don’t see me acting ridiculous over my favorite group, the Ascot Five, do you?” He reached into the glove compartment and took out a CD, showing five men wearing white shirts and ascots smiling cheesy smiles.

Heather rolled her eyes at her nephew as he loaded the CD into the CD player. He was literally dressed the same way as the guy in the center.

“Oh noooooo, don’t tug my ascot. Don’t tug my ascot (it’s not a scarf, no baby). You can’t have my ascot ‘cause girl, it’s mine.”

Shaggy and Scooby stuck out their tongues in disgust, while Heather’s face scrunched up as she tried to hide her disgust. How can my own nephew like such a lame band?

Luckily, Daphne ejected the disc. “Fred, please,”

“I’m just saying,” Fred insisted, “I think they’re twice the band KISS is!”

“Fred, they’re a lame do-wop band from the sixties,” Heather deadpanned.

“Yeah, and do the Ascot Five have an awesome amusement park?” Shaggy asked pointedly.

“Reah, rawesome amusement park!” Scooby agreed.

“Quit being so stupid, Fred,” Daphne said snappishly to him.

“I am not being stupid!”

“Yes, you are!”

Heather leaned over into the front seat. “Okay, okay, that’s enough. Daphne, Fred doesn’t like KISS, and that’s fine. And Fred, it’s fine that you like the Ascot Five, just don’t judge the rest of us for liking KISS. All right?”

There was a brief moment of silence, then Fred and Daphne nodded.

Heather nodded, smiling. “Good.” She turned to Daphne. “We can fix the star, I think. Or you could be the Bandit. Starchild went by the Bandit for a while.”

Daphne turned to her curiously. “I didn’t know that,”

“You really know a lot about KISS,” Velma remarked.

“Yeah,” Shaggy agreed. “Like, how do you know so much about KISS, Heather?”

Heather smiled mysteriously at them, though internally she was hit by an onslaught of nostalgia. “That’s my little secret,”

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bevioletskies · 6 years ago

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across the universe [1/8]

summary: Peter, the son of the Chancellor, has lived among the stars for the first ten years of his life. Gamora, the future Commander of Terra, has lived on the ground for the first ten years of hers. Though it’s finally time for the last survivors of the so-called apocalypse to return to Earth, they might not be prepared for what’s waiting for them. But when Peter and Gamora meet and find their worlds irreversibly tangled together, titles, obligations, and the impending war may be the very last thing on their minds.

a/n: The premise of this fic is very loosely based off of The 100, the television show more so than the book series. However, no previous knowledge is required, as I only used the basic concept and language, and none of the storylines or characters arcs from the show.

Fic title is from the song Across The Universe by The Beatles. Prologue can be found here. Warning for unnamed character deaths, injuries, blood, dry heaving, and Ego and Thanos being assholes to their kids.

word count: 10.2k | ao3 | tag

“Tell us more about Earth.”

Meredith turned to look at her children, who were seated beside her. They were properly strapped into their seats - she’d checked and double-checked and triple-checked that they were perfect, as she was oft to do with just about everything; what kind of doctor would she be if she wasn’t meticulous? - and gripping their seatbelts so tight, their knuckles were turning white. She was trying not to let them see the way her hands shook, too.

“What do we say, baby?” Meredith reminded him.

“Please?” He smiled angelically.

“I’ll admit, it’s not the most advanced of planets,” Meredith said, sitting back to think. “It’s diverse, though, where all walks of life can live together - or at least, try to. I lived in a place called St. Charles, Missouri, with my mama and daddy. They took me to church every Sunday at St. Peter’s when I was a little girl. My daddy would put on the news after we got home, and I liked to see what was goin’ on out there, outside our little house with a big yard. Wasn’t always so nice, but sometimes, you got to see the real good in humans. Or Terrans, as your daddy likes to call us.”

“Then Earth got destroyed by the bad air,” Peter added. “And that’s when Dad came to save everyone, an’ promised to help restore it with his powers so they could have their planet back.”

“Would you like to tell the story now, Peter?” Meredith teased.

“Sorry,�� he said sheepishly.

“Anyways, I remember when I first woke up from cryo-sleep, one of the first things I saw was your daddy, standin’ by my side.” Meredith smiled, reminiscing of a time not too long ago. “I asked him what he wanted. He said, ‘I visited your Earth once before. While I was there, I saw some of the most beautiful sights I’d ever seen, and I’ve been across the universe’. I thought it was a little strange since we’d never spoken before, so I asked him what he meant. He described these flowers, these blooming, vibrant little red beauties, and I said, ‘you must be talkin’ about the river lily’. He laughed and told me I was just like a river lily - the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen.”

“I like that story, Mama,” Mantis chirped, leaning around Peter to look at her. “It does not sound like Daddy, though.”

“No, he’s...not much like that nowadays, is he?” Meredith let out a false laugh that made Peter’s brows knit together, though he wisely decided not to comment on it. “Sit tight now. They’ve got officers coming ‘round to make sure we’re ready for departure.”

“We’re already here, ma’am,” a raspy voice said above them, causing the three of them to jump, startled by its sudden arrival.

“Kraglin? You’re not an officer yet,” Peter said accusingly.

“No, but cap’n got all his recruits on duty since there’s so many dang people to account for,” Kraglin grumbled, pulling out his holotab. “Can I get your names?”

“...you know our names, Kraglin,” Peter said, squinting at him dubiously. “And is Yondu here? I was hopin’ he could sit with us.”

“Cap’n’s sitting with the Chancellor and the Council, along with all them other important folk,” Kraglin shrugged. “Names, please.”

Frustrated, Peter sat back in his seat with his arms crossed. Meredith patted him half-consolingly, half-reminding him to control his temper, then began to neatly recite their full names for Kraglin’s records. After he left, she turned to Peter. “You know the rules, baby. Families sit together, and Yondu’s a good man and a good friend, but he’s not family.”

“Then why do I see him more than Dad?” Peter shot back.

“Peter!” Meredith exclaimed. “You know, I’ve just about had it with you sayin’ things like that like they don’t hurt. When we get to Earth, you’re...you’re grounded.” She paused, then, realizing the absurdity of her statement, let out a laugh that even caught herself off guard. Peter turned to look at Mantis, wondering if their mother had finally lost it after being cooped up in space for fifteen years as she continued to laugh like it was the funniest thing she’d ever heard in her life.

Gamora woke to her usual morning soundtrack of clanging metal and warrior cries, the smell of oil and sweat permeating every fabric and every surface in every room on Sanctuary. Though she lived on the top floor, thanks in no small part to her status, there always seemed to be something going on in Thanos’s private quarters nearby. He trained constantly, and was never without his most loyal (and frankly, his most morally-corrupt) generals and advisors at his side, consulting on everything from war tactics to technology to governance.

She slipped out of bed, got dressed, and quietly made her way into the kitchen, another room accessible only by Thanos and his “children”, frowning at the sight of an excessive amount of rations that could...well, that could feed their whole army. Through the kitchen’s backdoor was a storage warehouse with rows upon rows of cured meats, a huge indoor vegetable garden (there were shutters covering an opening in Sanctuary’s vast ceiling that cast just the right amount of sunlight over it), and a whole wall of ice boxes that contained seeds and medicine that would last them for centuries. All of this, and she was allowed to speak about none of it to no one.

Gamora never understood why Thanos chose to form a settlement on Terra, of all places. She knew vaguely of its history, its tragedy, its rebirth, but it never stood out to her as particularly desirable compared to all the other places Thanos must have conquered in the past. She wasn’t oblivious to Thanos’s history, however - in fact, he’d told her outright that he had failed to save many planets from their untimely deaths, including hers and Nebula’s, and it meant he had to do a lot of unsavory things in the process. She knew there was a lot more to him than what he claimed to be, and she knew that she didn’t have to be a grown adult to understand that he was no savior. She also knew there was a lot she was still yet to know.

“Gamora.” She turned to see Nebula standing in the doorway, looking unusually tired. “Father has called for both of us.”

“It’s too early for a meeting, isn’t it? I thought people were still healing from last night’s attack,” Gamora commented, but she followed her sister regardless.

A few winding, eerily empty corridors later, the two of them walked up to the door to his war room, recoiling at the unwelcome sight of Proxima and Cull standing guard. “Children,” Proxima said snidely, barely sparing them a glance. Cull grunted.

“Adults,” Nebula snarked back. “Father wants to see us.”

“I can’t imagine why,” Proxima sniffed.

Nebula reeled back, ready to make another retort, but Gamora instead laid a hand on her shoulder, shaking her head in silence. It would do her no good to taunt their older “siblings”, not when they had the ability to kill them in seconds. Gamora smiled tightly at Proxima. “How is Corvus?”

Proxima’s jaw slowly unclenched. “Recovering.” She stepped aside. “Go on.”

They entered the room after receiving one last scowl, courtesy of Cull, and were granted the sight of Thanos stood by his various holoscreens, his back turned to them, Maw at his side. “Daughters,” he said curtly, still fixated on one particular battle plan that was blown up across six adjacent screens. “It’s time.”

“Time for what?” Nebula grouched.

Thanos turned, narrowing his eyes in her direction. “Watch your tone, Nebula,” he hissed. “It is time for the Sky People to descend to the ground. As of two hours ago, I’ve received reports from our scouts near Trishanakru that a vessel far larger than Sanctuary has broken through the atmosphere. I suspect we’ll be feeling their impact at any moment.”

“What do we do?” Gamora asked.

“We’ve already initiated a lockdown of all essential areas, and have made the call for all families to retreat to Sanctuary and stay in their quarters. And, of course, the army has already been sent out in pursuit of the invaders.” Thanos’s lip curled in an oddly contemplative snarl. “As for you two...I need children to act as my scouts.”

“And...why is that, Father?” Gamora said carefully.

“It won’t be all children, of course, just you and the other contenders. Your rivals, Gamora,” Thanos hummed, turning back around. Maw let out a delighted tittering noise that made both sisters want to punch him square in the jaw even more than usual. “The army has been ordered to kill groups on sight. But the children are to find isolated stragglers and bring them to me.”

Gamora swallowed. “Okay. When do we leave?”

“Now. And pack some rations,” Thanos said, fully directing his attention back to the screens, sweeping through page after page of his battle plans, arranging and rearranging as he saw fit. “Do not return until you have something of interest.”

Peter didn’t realize he’d fallen asleep until he was waking up, only he hadn’t exactly fallen asleep, he had been knocked out cold. Groaning, he rubbed his eyes, blinking blearily into the darkness. It wasn’t exactly dark, either; there was a bright red light flashing over and over again like a silent siren. Before he could discern what was happening, though, he felt something run into his eyes; Peter yelped in surprise and began wiping it out with the heels of his palms. Whatever it was, it was sticky and slightly warm to the touch.

He stumbled to his feet, trying to recall where he’d been last and when that had been, squinting at his pitch-black surroundings. We were headin’ to Earth, Peter thought, his scattered brain still buzzing with adrenaline, made even more disoriented by the flashing lights. Then some crazy stuff started happening when we broke through the atmosphere, and people were freaking out - Mantis! Mom! He looked down at his feet, where he could vaguely make out the silhouettes of Mantis sprawled out on top of Meredith, almost like she’d been thrown there. It was then that he realized the whole ship had crash-landed sideways; their seats were completely tipped in the other direction, the walls crushed against the ground.

Peter knelt beside them, shaking their shoulders urgently. “Mom! Mantis! C’mon, you gotta wake up!” He felt a knot of anxiety tying itself up in his stomach the longer they didn’t respond. “I think we’re on Earth, I don’t know why I don’t see no one else, I - Mom, I’m scared, I don’t wanna, I need, I - ”

“Quill?”

He let out a sob of relief, running in the direction of the familiar voice and flinging his arms around his waist. “Yondu!”

“Good to see you’re in one piece, though you’re bleedin’ a bit,” Yondu said gruffly, patting him awkwardly on the back. He drew a dusty rag from his utility belt and wiped Peter’s forehead; he belatedly became dizzy at the realization of what the sticky substance was. “Your mom and sister?”

“They ain’t getting up,” Peter said, tugging on Yondu’s sleeve to pull him back towards them. “What happened, Yondu, what’s goin’ on?”

“Well, to make a long story short - we crashed. Real bad,” Yondu sighed, lifting his flashlight a little higher, casting it over Meredith and Mantis’s faces. “Whole sections of the ship, they didn’t make it. Others, like you, were lucky. Relatively, o’ course. Been spending the last hour tryin’ to find survivors. Your mama and sister, I see their shoulders movin’, they’re breathin’, they’re okay. We’re gonna need Meredith and her team to help with some pretty nasty wounds - if she’s up to it, o’ course.”

“What about Dad?” Peter looked at him expectantly. “He said he was gonna come find us before we landed, and I thought he was gonna get us to sit with him on the command bridge.” He hung his head. “That was a lie, wasn’t it?”

“Dunno what to tell you, boy,” Yondu said, his discomfort rapidly growing. “But let’s get you and your family outta here. Don’t need you seeing all this mess.” He gestured aimlessly at the other unmoving bodies. Peter didn’t want to think about which ones were never going to move again, or he was sure to throw up.

A few of Yondu’s guardsmen came in to help carry out the survivors, while Peter sat impatiently on a cot in one of the makeshift medical tents that the nurses had set up just outside. He tried not to look at the smoldering remains of the Ark, how crumpled and despondent some sections looked, while other parts looked relatively salvageable. Peter certainly couldn’t appreciate his first breath of fresh air, either, or the feeling of wind in his hair, or the beautiful lake on the other side of the tent. It all felt sour, it felt undeserved, it felt wrong.

“You doing okay, Peter?” the nurse asked kindly. “I took a look at your mom and your sister, they’re gonna be just fine. Good chance of a mild concussion, and Meredith’s got a bit of a dislocated shoulder, but nothing some rest and medicine won’t fix.”

“I’m not okay,” Peter mumbled. “People are dead.”

His face fell. “I know. But we can’t think about that right now, alright? We have to help the living.”

Another ten minutes passed before the tent flapped open, but instead of the faces that Peter wanted to see more than anything else in their new world, he saw the cape first instead of its wearer. “Peter! Son, are you okay?”

“Everyone keeps askin’ me that,” Peter grouched, turning the other way. “What am I s’posed to say when people are dead, Dad?!”

“Whoa, now! Watch your tone,” Ego snapped, his face instantly contorting into something more cruel. He stormed over to Peter and grabbed his face, pinching his chin with one hand until Peter’s cheeks ached from the pressure. “What do you say, Peter?” The nurse let out a quiet gasp of surprise and promptly ran out of the tent.

“Sorry,” Peter said, his voice still hardened. Ego released him, though he didn’t look satisfied. Before he could respond, though, the tent opened yet again, and Meredith stormed in like a hurricane, still wrapped in a shock blanket. She whipped it off and promptly flung it at Ego, though it barely grazed his shoulder on its way down.

“Meredith!” Ego exclaimed, chuckling like she merely amused him.

She let out a feral growl in return. “I oughta give you a piece of my mind right now,” Meredith hissed. “You had no business bringin’ us down here when there was even a chance of death!”

“There’s always a chance of death, sweetheart, that’s how life works,” Ego said, waving his hand dismissively. “You think I didn’t calculate every single possibility, figure out every possible thing that could go wrong? You really think that little of me, Meredith?”

“Don’t make this about what I think of you, though I have plenty more thoughts I’d like to share,” Meredith snapped, picking up her blanket and wrapping it back around her body, shivering, though not from the blustery cold. “You got an estimate on how many people we’ve lost today? Or are you too busy going ‘round, pretendin’ everything’s just peachy?”

“Mom,” Peter interrupted. “Where’s Mantis?”

“Oh, baby, I’m sorry. Here I am ramblin’, and I haven’t even checked up on you yet.” Meredith went to Peter’s side, gently prodding along his skull and ribcage even though he’d already been checked a half-dozen times by her best nurses. She then held his face in both hands, cupping his cheeks, and leaned down to kiss his forehead. “Mantis is getting cleaned up a few tents down, she knows to come straight here after she’s done. Peter...are you gonna be okay?”

Peter choked out an insincere laugh. “I think so.”

Ego cleared his throat loudly from behind them. “I have to speak with the Council about setting up base here. Think we landed in a mighty good spot - lots of trees and water. It’ll be great support for the manufacturing stations.”

“Don’t you pretend you did a good thing here, Ego,” Meredith said, her voice scarily low. “And don’t you pretend our conversation is done, either. I’ve got plenty more to say.”

“I can tell,” Ego said blithely, turning and walking right out, his expression decidedly neutral. Meredith seethed at his retreating back, wrapping her arms around Peter even tighter.

“People are dead, Mom,” Peter mumbled into her shoulder; he was starting to sound like a broken record.

“We’ll do right by ‘em, baby,” Meredith promised, rubbing his back reassuringly. “Once we clean up the mess your daddy made, we’ll have a celebration of life, right out there on the lake. Did you see it?”

“Yeah.” He sank into her, drowning himself in her warmth, the smell of her perfume and shampoo, unable to hold up his own bodyweight for even one more second. “Yeah, it was nice.”

“Good morning, heda.” Gamora turned to see a rather snide-looking group of children around her age with a few that seemed significantly older, standing behind her, arms folded tightly across their chests. The first thing she noticed, aside from their unfriendly faces, was the weapons slung on their backs or holstered at their hips. “I hear we are following your greatness today.”

“Hey! I was the one who saved your parents’ lives yesterday,” Gamora snapped.

“Forgive us for not bowing at your feet,” another child sneered, one of the older ones, one who seemed far too old to be looking at Gamora with such unwarranted scorn. “Anyone with half a brain would have done the same.”

Gamora glanced over at Nebula, who merely shrugged; she was barely paying attention to their conversation. Unfortunately, it was like most conversations between them and other children, whether during classes or training sessions or unwanted encounters in the halls, and it hardly elicited a reaction out of Nebula anymore. Simply put, there was nothing that would convince the others that Gamora was worthy of what she’d been given.

“We’re losing light,” Gamora said coldly, turning back to look at the others. “We have our orders and our gear. Meet back here at sunset.” She then called for everyone to form small groups, and unsurprisingly, the majority immediately moved away from the girls so they could cluster up together, then took off in different directions the second they were ready, not bothering to announce their departure. Only one child was left standing, one that Gamora had seen many times before, one who never quite seemed to find his footing with the others. “Join us, Drax.”

“Are you sure, heda?” he asked, stepping forward regardless. “I would not want to slow you down.”

“You won’t. We won’t let you,” Gamora said, smiling faintly. “I’ve seen you train...you’re really good. I think your parents would be proud.” Drax’s face crumpled a little at the mention of them, but he quickly recovered, nodding and falling into step beside the sisters.

The three of them ventured across a seemingly endless field of lush grass, far away from everyone else, who had gone for the trees. They knew it left them open, vulnerable to attack, but Gamora told herself she couldn’t afford to be scared. She told herself that Thanos didn’t want to see her until they brought back a hostage. She told herself not to think about what would happen if she didn’t.

Of course, she hated the idea, but she was never going to tell him that. She had always been curious about the legendary skaikru, the people who were saved by a mysterious force right before their planet fell apart. They weren’t even considered Terran anymore, given that they’d been away from Earth for a hundred years, with children who had never breathed fresh air or tasted water that wasn’t artificially created. Meanwhile, the forest, the ocean, the wind and snow, it was all she’d ever known, but Gamora knew she wasn’t truly Terran, either. The idea of designating the Sky People as some “other” who were to be immediately tortured or killed for returning to what had been theirs disgusted her, but she knew no amount of reasoning would change Thanos’s bloodlust. His ongoing war with other factions that had split off from them when they first arrived was proof enough.

“I hear the river, heda,” Drax called; he was a good thirty feet in front of them, gesturing for them to catch up.

“Call me Gamora,” she insisted, her and Nebula jogging up beside him. “If skaikru were smart, they wouldn’t be out here. They would hide in the trees.”

“Then why did we not go to the trees?” Drax asked curiously.

“Because Gamora doesn’t want to be around the others,” Nebula interjected, smirking.

“Because we are looking for stragglers, not the entire group. If they ran or got kicked out, they would be far away from their camp,” Gamora reasoned, elbowing her sister in warning. Nebula’s face fell a little; it was hard to argue with that. “Do you see mud trails?”

“Why?” Nebula grumbled. “There’s mud everywhere.”

“It means someone walked across the river, and we could follow it to see where they went,” Drax volunteered. “The skaikru don’t know how to cover their tracks like we do.”

“Right,” Gamora nodded, pleased. “Let’s go.”

She and Drax immediately started walking again, while Nebula trailed behind sullenly, folding her arms across her chest. As they continued on, their eyes trained on the ground and the sky, Gamora couldn’t help but watch Drax, too. She didn’t know his story, aside from his parents being long dead, but he seemed like the type who could handle a fight. The other children didn’t like him much, but she occasionally saw him spending time in the Sanctuary’s hangar bay with two young engineering prodigies who worked under one of Thanos’s generals, Rocket and Groot. She wasn’t sure how their companionship had started, but she’d never been curious enough to ask. She was almost curious enough to ask now.

“Heda?” His voice broke into her thoughts.

“I said not to call me that,” she countered.

“Mud, like you said,” he said simply, pointing. Gamora followed his line of sight and jogged over, crouching down by the tracks. She wasn’t skilled enough to place any identifiers - height, weight, age - but at least it would keep them from wandering aimlessly forever.

Gamora straightened up, sucking in an unsteady breath. “Follow me.”

The mood at Arkadia was appropriately somber, the air thick with tension and unspoken words. Ego had made his usual rousing speech, swearing not to give up, to not let the “sacrifices” (and oh, how Peter and Meredith hated that word, like their deaths had been planned somehow) of the dead be in vain. It didn’t have the effect he wanted, much to Meredith’s secret satisfaction, and there were already whispers among their people that a new Chancellor was to be called for on the ground.

The ship, Ego’s beloved ship, was still a smoking husk of what it was just hours ago, and no one wanted to be reminded of the smell of death, so more tents were set up in a temporary formation, grouped less by station and affiliation, and more by relationships, families and friends who used to go weeks without seeing each other, who were now able to cross boundaries and set their own. Peter and Mantis went to take a nap in their tent after Ego’s speech, exhausted by the day’s events and their father’s empty promises.

“Are you awake, Peter?” Mantis mumbled, lifting herself up onto her elbows. Peter groaned and rolled onto his back. “Are you okay?”

“You tell me,” he snapped, though Mantis didn’t seem offended by his tone. “Everyone keeps askin’ me that like I’m s’posed to be okay with people being dead. People who didn’t do nothing.”

“There are always people who die who did not do anything.” Mantis turned away from him, unable to look Peter in the eye. “My real mama. For having me.”

Peter sighed, the fight leaving his body as he exhaled. “I wish Mom would tell us what happened, so I know what to be mad at Dad for.”

“You are always mad at him, though,” Mantis said blithely. “You are mad when he is here, and when he is not.”

“Yeah, what’s your point?”

“I think it hurts you more than it hurts him,” Mantis observed. “Maybe you should talk.”

“Yeah, right,” Peter scoffed, also rolling over so he was facing away from her, leaving them back-to-back. He curled further into his scratchy blankets and flat pillow, sorely missing his cold, unfriendly bunk back in their little apartment. It was hard for him to process that he would never sleep there again, considering he was almost certain he was going to live his entire life on the Ark, wasting his days and nights dreaming about Earth the way it was never going to be.

“I am telling you what you feel,” Mantis said, scrunching up her nose in anger at him, though he obviously couldn’t see her face. She got to her feet, staring down at him with fury burning in her eyes. “You said to tell you.”

He sighed again, burrowing into himself, wishing everything and everyone would just...go back to the way it was. The way he never knew he could want so badly. “Leave me alone, Mantis.” He heard her irritated grunt and the stomp of her feet, then watched her leave.

It didn’t take long for the tent flaps to open again, though a whiff of perfume told him that it wasn’t his sister. “You two fighting again?” Meredith said sternly, kneeling by his side. “Oh, baby.”

“Happens all the time, don’t gotta fuss about it,” Peter retorted.

“Sure. You’re both young and stubborn as mules.” At his puzzled expression, she added, “It’s a Terran animal. They sure love to dig their heels in the dirt when they don’t wanna go nowhere. Anyways, just because it happens all the time, that doesn’t mean it should. A few harmless fights can turn into a big one real quick, and next thing you know, you never talk again. Or you try to hurt each other in ways that only you know how.” She sighed, her intuition nagging at her brain, telling her to say it before Peter did. “Like me and your daddy.”

“But you still love him,” Peter said. He finally sat up, hugging his knees into his chest. “Or...I mean, yeah, you do, right?”

Meredith smiled another false smile. “Of course, Peter. Don’t you?”

Peter hesitated. “It’s hard sometimes. ‘Specially when he let all those people die.”

She reached out to cup his face with her hand, gently running her thumb over his cheek. “I’m mad at him, too. I’m furious. But you see, life ain’t as easy as one good path and one bad one. Sometimes it’s lots of paths that eventually lead to the right place, but getting there is what hurts. And sometimes, the paths don’t connect or make sense, and that makes it even harder. Your daddy’s doing the best he can with what he has, and I think if he tells us what happened, we can try to understand. Okay?”

He nodded, cracking the tiniest of smiles. “Okay.”

“Oh, and Yondu wants to see you, by the way. I already told him I don’t want to hear nothing about him training you again, but heaven knows neither of you listen to me,” Meredith chuckled. She took him by the hand and led him out of the tent to where Yondu was stationed, and for the first time, they could both appreciate the bite of fresh air along the way. “Come find me at the medical section when you’re done, alright? We’ll go have dinner together.” She kissed him briefly on the forehead before leaving, her mind already racing with the patients she had yet to see.

The guards’ quarters were merely just another long row of tents, most of which were unoccupied since the guardsmen were out helping the other Arkadians set up their temporary base, but Peter still couldn’t help but swallow down the lump in his throat. It was true; he had no interest in becoming a member of the guard since it felt all too rigid for him, too routine. He did like the uniform, though, and he did like Yondu and Kraglin, even though the rest of the guardsmen intimidated him. They watched him almost too closely, given that he was the Chancellor’s son, and he didn’t like that particular kind of attention. It was hard to do anything remotely adventurous with so many eyes following him everywhere he went.

“What took you so long, boy?” Yondu demanded. He was sitting at the front of the tent enclosure, his feet kicked up on a small, half-broken cooler. He seemed far less shaken than when he’d found Peter in the wreckage, though it was pretty typical of Yondu’s usual demeanor.

“Mom wanted to talk,” Peter protested. “She didn't even say nothin’ about you ‘til the end.” His eyes then brightened. “So are we gonna train more?”

“Surprised you can even think about something like that righ’ now,” Yondu shrugged.

“I just wanna think about somethin’ else, I guess,” Peter said quietly. “Me and Mantis had a fight, and I don’t wanna talk to Dad. So...are we?”

“Look, boy, there’s only one person I’m more scared of than your daddy, and that’s your mama,” Yondu said, chuckling wryly. Still, he gestured for Peter to come closer and sit beside him. “I know I told her it was for Kraglin, but she’s right. I could get any ol’ guard of mine to train with him. I’m doing it for you. But she’s your mama, and she knows you better than I do. So...we gotta stop.”

“But - ” Peter cut himself off, unsure of what to say. “We can still hang out and stuff, right?”

“What you wanna hang around an old man like me for?” Yondu exclaimed. “Don’t you got friends your own age?”

Peter shuffled uncomfortably, wringing his hands, and Yondu suddenly regretted asking. “Not really,” he mumbled. “No one wants to hang out with the Chancellor’s kids. Everyone thinks we’re weirdos for having powers, and that if they do somethin’ wrong, we’re gonna ask Dad to float ‘em.”

Yondu watched Peter carefully, watched his head hang a little lower, watched the corners of his mouth droop a little in despondence. He never quite knew what to say when Peter was in one of his moods - which was often - given that he’d never really had someone so young follow him around before. Sure, he had the occasional overbearing parent who insisted he train their “darling” son or daughter, but the child themselves were usually uninterested in the ordeal. Peter, on the other hand, had been in Yondu’s life since he was born, back when Ego liked to bring his infant son to meetings and show him off, excited that his Celestial powers were already beginning to manifest. Personally, Yondu thought it was more impressive that baby Peter was the only person who could make even the coldest of Council members smile.

“Just don’t be botherin’ me when I’m on duty, got it?” Yondu finally said, his voice gruff. Peter’s eyes lit up.

“Duties? What kind?” Peter asked. “Can I come?”

Yondu sighed, getting to his feet and gesturing for Peter to follow. “Guess your mama can’t fault me if you tag along on my rounds. C’mon, I hear there’s something goin’ on at hydra station.”

Gamora let out a surprisingly labored breath, sinking down onto a nearby fallen log, the palms of her hands digging into the wood grain, leaving painfully sharp welts as if to remind her of the time she was wasting. “I need a second. Let’s eat.”

Nebula looked down at her derisively. “Some heda you are. It’s only been three hours.” Gamora glared back, silently pulling her rations out of her bag and beginning to eat; she clearly wasn’t giving them a choice. Drax shrugged, not wanting to argue with her, and sat down to eat as well.

The mud trail they’d been following had eventually led to nowhere, drying up somewhere not too far from where they’d started, making it indistinguishable from the forest ground. Gamora, however, wasn’t about to admit she’d made a mistake, and was carrying on in the same direction. She supposed Nebula saw right through her, but she wasn’t certain about Drax. He seemed attentive for someone who barely knew her, but then again, maybe he just needed a friend. She also wondered whether the other children had succeeded already, if someone was bringing back a hostage this very minute. Thanos would probably - no, definitely - be disappointed if she wasn’t the first one back, would have some fresh form of torture ready in anticipation of her failure. Gamora glanced down at her arm, turning it over so she was looking at the inside of her wrist; a small glint of silver reflected back, reminding her of the last time she'd failed.

“What is that, heda?”

At the sound of Drax’s voice, she quickly pulled her sleeve down over her wrist. “Nothing.”

“Are you hurt?” Drax persisted, reaching for her arm.

“Old injury,” Gamora replied shortly, which wasn’t exactly a lie. “We should go.”

They continued on for some time, finding themselves starting to shiver when they came close to the border of Azgeda territory. Of all the warring nations, they were the coldest, both figuratively and literally, and even Nebula could muster up something resembling sympathy for any poor skaikru soul that ended up on their land. Not enough sympathy, however, to cross their borders in search of stragglers.

“This is stupid,” Nebula announced loudly about an hour later. “Who would stop us if we just stayed out here forever and never went back?”

“We’d die, Nebula,” Gamora reminded her. “Come on, we have to do this.”

“No, you do. No matter what I do, Father won’t care anyway,” Nebula said, sulking, her inky eyes narrowed to slits.

“You don’t know that,” Gamora protested. “If you bring someone back, if you tell him it was all you - ”

It only seemed to agitate Nebula further; she reared back to spit at Gamora, disgusted by her unwanted empathy, and then turned and began sprinting out of the forest and into the open, toward the dreaded border. Nebula screamed at the top of her lungs, something feral and raw and unintelligible that made Gamora’s heart stop for a split second, paralyzed with disbelief. She then went running after her, keeping her head low, hoping she wouldn’t be spotted by snipers in the tall grass; she could just barely hear Drax’s thundering footsteps behind her over the pounding of her heart against her ribcage.

Gamora wanted to call out, but she knew Azgeda warriors were notorious for hiding themselves right outside their walls, and she wasn’t about to announce where she was. The further she went, the harder it was to see, and all she could see was a blurry glimpse of Nebula just up ahead, making it impossible to figure out which direction she was going, swerving and turning at random.

Nebula’s sustained cry was interrupted by a sudden panicked yelp, followed by a sickening crunch. Gamora felt her heart leap in her throat, threatening to spill right out, and she sprinted faster, at a speed she didn’t know she was capable of. She and Drax came to a stop and nearly skidded right into the hole that Nebula had fallen into.

It was at least ten square feet across, and a good fifteen feet deep; laid on top of its opening was an intricately weaved net of grass and branches with a break in the middle, clearly where Nebula had taken one wrong step. She now laid at the bottom in a crumpled, undignified heap, still conscious and breathing, but now clutching at her broken leg. Nebula clenched her jaw, staring up at them with a burning hatred in her eyes as if they’d put her there.

“I see guards, heda,” Drax said, his voice trembling. “What do we do?”

“Gamora.” Astonished, Gamora looked down to see her sister’s expression had changed to something that seemed far more suitable for the child that she was than the adult she was trying to be, the hardness of her eyes melting away in favor of desperation. She grappled at the side of the pit, but the dirt crumbled beneath her fingers.

Gamora turned to look back at Drax, unsure if Nebula wanted her pity. “Carry her back to camp. I’ll fight the guards,” she ordered, missing the way her sister’s face fell.

“They are adults, Gamora. You are just a child,” Drax protested.

Gamora scoffed, putting her hands on her hips. “So now my name is Gamora. I am your heda, and you will listen to me. Take my sister. I’ll follow.”

Drax nodded, though it wasn’t without apprehension. He knelt on the ground so he could contort the net into a makeshift rope for Nebula, his brow furrowed with effort. Gamora smiled tightly at her sister, hoping it wouldn’t be the last time she’d ever see her again. She then turned, gritting her teeth, and began running toward the oncoming rush of Azgeda warriors.

Dinner was about as tense as could be expected, with every last Arkadian either sitting in stone-faced silence, shouting and spitting in the faces of the Council members who eventually retreated to the safety (and cowardice) of their own quarters, or sobbing into their stews. Even Ego had to return to his own tent by the time it was dark, unable to face the faces of his people, who at best, felt betrayed, but at worst, were vengeful.

Upon his return, he found Meredith, Peter, and Mantis sitting on the ground, ignoring the cots he’d lined up neatly along the back wall. The children were snuggled into Meredith’s side while she read to them, laughing and interjecting with comments in the appropriate (or in Peter’s case, inappropriate) places. They all looked up at the sound of his footsteps, genuinely surprised to see him. “Ego,” Meredith said, slowly closing the book over her thumb, holding her place. “You’re back early.”

“You never came to dinner,” Ego said airily, striding over to the cots so he could sit down and take off his boots, keeping his back to his family.

“Peter wanted to eat with the guardsmen. Kraglin’s a very good friend of his,” Meredith added.

Ego glanced over his shoulder to look at them, his eyes hard. “I know who my son is friends with,” he said shortly. “But it’s Yondu you’ve gone and gotten attached to, isn’t it, son?”

“I like ‘em both,” Peter said carefully, shrugging. Ego didn’t seem satisfied with his answer, but he didn’t press further. Instead, he reached for the haphazardly-drawn blueprints in his bag and passed it to Meredith, his face relaxing into a gentle smile at the crease that formed between her brows in confusion.

“Construction starts tomorrow,” Ego said, wanting to lean over and press his thumb to her forehead, smooth out her worries, but he wisely decided against it.

“This is...it’s a mansion, baby,” Meredith finally said, her eyes still roaming over the building plans. “Are you gonna have the strength to make that many big ol’ houses for everyone?”

“Come on now, Mer, that’s our house,” Ego chuckled. “Everyone else will get something a little more...standard. Except for the council members, of course, you know how they get. And farm station will need extra land for cultivating - ”

“We don’t need all that space, it’s only us and two kids,” Meredith interrupted. “Do you even know that there’s some families with over twelve people that lived in them tiny apartments on the Ark? Now they could use a big house.”

“I’m going to build you a ballroom, just like the ones you described,” Ego continued like he hadn’t heard her. “Big windows, lots of light, columns that go all the way up to the ceiling - I thought you’d like that, darling. So we can have a proper dance, whenever we want.”

“I do like that idea,” Meredith admitted. “But we don’t need a kitchen with all these extra little gadgets, or three sitting rooms. And I think Peter and Mantis can live with sharin’ a bathroom. I had a brother growin’ up, we survived.” Her expression faltered. “Or I guess... I did.”

“I didn’t know you had a brother, Mama,” Mantis chirped, her large eyes flickering back and forth between them. Peter clapped a hand over her mouth before she could inquire further, his blood running cold in realization of what Meredith meant.

“This is what we deserve, Meredith,” Ego insisted. “We’ve been stuck in that tiny little place on the Ark for too long now, it’s about time we get some breathing room.”

“‘We’? You were only home two nights a week, if you were there at all!” Meredith shot to her feet; her cheeks were flushed red. “And I haven’t the faintest idea what you mean by ‘deserve’. What makes us better than any of the rest? We ain’t gods, Ego, we’re just like everyone else.”

“That’s the thing, sweetheart, we really aren’t,” Ego sneered, his voice rising. “I’m the chancellor, you’re the head medic, and we know Peter’s gonna follow in his old man’s footsteps when he’s older, isn’t that right, Peter?” He didn’t bother looking to see if Peter so much as reacted. “And if you think we should still be in a tiny little dump just so we can be ‘like everyone else’, you got some strange ideas about how to live!”

“And I don’t know where you got your idea that you could talk to me like that,” Meredith’s eyes were blazing with a kind of fury that neither of her children had ever seen. Mantis cowered behind Peter, peering gingerly over his shoulder. “We don’t need a big house, we never did. We don’t need more space between us, we need less, so maybe we can go back to being a family. If we ever were a family.”

“Meredith - ”

“Do you know how embarrassin’ it is, going about my day, hearin’ all the things people say about you? All them rumors about what you do when you’re not home, who you’re really with, who Mantis really belongs to?”

Mantis gasped. Peter pulled her into his arms so he could steady her breathing against his chest, wishing fiercely that he could stop the sobs that rattled through her throat. “Mom, c’mon, you’re scarin’ her.”

Meredith turned to look at her children then, almost as if she’d forgotten they were there, and the fire in her eyes extinguished, her expression melting back into something more recognizable. She knelt beside them, reaching for Mantis. “Baby, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to - ”

Mantis merely curled into Peter further, rejecting Meredith’s plea. “You want him to hurt,” she mumbled. “Why does everyone want to hurt each other so much?”

“It’s what Terrans do, Mantis,” Ego said coolly. It was the first time he’d said her name in days. “Come on now, we’re just having a little argument. Nothing to get upset about.”

“I do not just feel what is in here, but everything out there, too,” Mantis said, slowly unravelling herself from Peter’s grasp. “Everyone is sad...and angry. They want to hurt you.” She paused. “I feel...others. People I do not know. They want to hurt you, too.” Peter shivered.

Ego knelt in front of her, bringing them eye-to-eye, gripping her shoulders so hard that his knuckles went white. “And what does that mean?”

“Frag emo op!”

For the second time in twenty-four hours, Peter felt his whole world spin on its axis, only this time he was conscious enough to remember it - remember the way Meredith immediately leapt to cover them both, pinning him and Mantis to the ground, remember the way their tent went up in flames, crackling and hissing and spitting as the fire devoured itself, remember the way Ego went charging out into the open with his hands outstretched, powers at full blast, searing blinding white light across the expanse of their settlement, roaring with anger.

“What’s happening?” Peter exclaimed frantically once he found his voice again, barely noticing the sour taste of dirt in his mouth or the scrapes on his elbows and knees.

“I don’t know, baby, but stay calm,” Meredith murmured, helping to push his hair away from his eyes, though she sounded like she was on the verge of tears. “We gotta get movin’ before we inhale too much smoke. Follow me.”

The three of them belly-crawled across the ground, keeping themselves beneath the flames that licked at their heels and the putrid air that danced in their throats. After what felt like the longest minute of their lives, Meredith pulled them both to their feet and they all began to profusely cough what felt like the entire contents of their lungs out. “Wait - what - what about Dad?” Peter wheezed. “I got powers too, I could help - ”

“No. We don’t know what we’re dealin’ with here,” Meredith said firmly. “That language they spoke? That don’t sound like nothin’ we’ve ever heard before.”

“What do you mean?” Mantis asked.

Meredith paused. “It means we aren’t alone.”

“Alone?” Peter repeated.

“We can’t think about that right now, okay? We need to get to safety. Your daddy will find us later, he always does,” Meredith promised, pulling them both in for a brief embrace. “Let’s go find Yondu. If he’s doing his job right, he’s already got an evacuation plan up and runnin’.”

They ran through the camp, dodging the panicked Arkadians sprinting past, screaming themselves hoarse trying to find their families and friends. Peter could also hear the heavy footfalls of unfamiliar boots, the metallic clang of weapons striking their targets, the sickening crunch of bodies collapsing to the ground. The loudest sound, however, was Mantis crying frantically beside him, her breath running ragged, clutching to him and Meredith so hard that her fingernails were digging welts into their wrists.

Then, a flash of metal appeared in the corner of Peter’s peripheral vision - bright, brilliant silver, coming straight down toward Mantis’s head - and he shouted, bringing his hands up without hesitation. A blast of white light burned from his palms, stronger than any light he’d projected before, flinging the attacker clean across the field before they could even graze his sister’s shoulder.

Heads turned his way, faces that he didn’t recognize, some humanoid and some entirely alien, all snarling and spitting and full of vitriol he didn’t know was possible. There was a single pause, then they came charging at him, chanting in the language that none of them could understand, holding their swords and guns and spears over their heads with the intent to bring them down on his head. So, Peter did the first thing that came to mind - he ran.

Meredith and Mantis screamed after him until their throats were raw, watching helplessly as the soldiers tore past them in pursuit of Peter, but he wasn’t about to stop, not if his powers would distract them, would keep them from hurting his people. He ran and ran and ran like everyone’s lives depended on it - and in a way, it did - occasionally turning to blast them again, sending them crashing to the ground. It was only when the last of them had finally fallen that Peter realized how far he had gotten and what he had done.

“Mom?” he said rather stupidly, coming to a halt. He knew she couldn’t hear him, not when he was miles away. He turned, then turned again, trying to figure out where he’d come from, but he had zig-zagged all over the fields, through the trees, remembered his feet hitting the water of a shallow stream at some point, and - oh, he thought to himself, unable to find his voice again - I’m lost.

His belly twisted itself in knots the second he realized it, and he clutched at his rapidly beating heart, willing himself to stay calm. He had never been lost before; though the Ark was a behemoth of a ship, there were always people nearby who could help him find his way, no matter how far he wandered off in search of adventure. This was no adventure, this was a nightmare, one in which his vision was getting swallowed up in the darkness, where everything looked the same, but nothing was familiar.

Then, Peter heard a rustling in the nearby bushes. He spooked instantly, leaping backward with a soft yelp. “Don’t be a baby, Peter,” he chastised himself.

He suddenly felt something wrap around his ankles and yank him right to the ground, hitting his chin hard against the dirt. Peter shouted in pain, feeling blood pool in his mouth and nose from the impact, but he was quickly silenced by someone’s hand over his mouth and the weight of someone pinning him down. “Shof op, kepon.”

Peter lifted his head, terrified it was the last thing he was ever going to see, and nearly fainted in shock (and blood loss) at what he did see - a young girl, about his age, baring her teeth at him, blood streaked across her face. He could barely make out any other distinguishing features in the darkness, but he could see the ferocity in her eyes, the kind he’d never seen in someone so young. “You’re a kid,” he said breathlessly.

“Yu...laik goufa.” She looked just as confused as he did, like she was only just seeing him for the first time. She eased her knee away from his stomach (he could feel the bruise already beginning to blossom across his torso) and withdrew the blade she had pressed to his throat, though she still had a tight grip on the advanced-looking device she’d used to bind his ankles. “Chon yu biliak?”

He blinked. “How come my translator don’t work on...whatever it is you’re sayin’?”

She eyed him warily as she got to her feet. “Hakom yu kamp roun hir? Yu hir frag ai op?”

“Look, I don’t know - I don’t - please, you gotta let me go. We just got attacked by - I dunno, prob’ly your people - and I ran and I got lost, and I...I don’t know where I am or what’s goin’ on or - ” His breath rattled between his teeth. Feeling rather silly, Peter held out his hand, scraped raw, blood running down the lengths of his fingers. The girl looked at it with wide eyes, horrified to see what she’d done. “My name is Peter.”

“Ai laik Gamora kom Trikru.” With a soft shnk, his bindings were released, retreating back into the small device she was holding before he could blink. She knelt beside him, pushing her dark hair out of her eyes so they could properly get a look at one another. Her face was softer now, almost regretful. “My name is Gamora. You’re one of the Sky People.”

“Is that what your people are callin’ us?” Peter to struggled to sit up; it felt like every part of his body was aching from the sheer force of her attack, as if a fully-grown adult had attacked him, rather than a girl who had to be at least three inches shorter. “So you do speak...something my translator knows.”

“Trigedasleng is for my enemies, my language is for my people,” she said neatly, almost like she was reciting it from something. “Other children are not my enemy.”

“So what were you gonna do if I was an adult?” Peter asked, incredulous, though he wasn’t sure he wanted to know.

Gamora’s eyes couldn’t meet his. “That isn’t for you to know.”

“You coulda killed me! I think I oughta know,” he protested.

Sighing, she sat back on her haunches and began re-pocketing all her weapons; he was alarmed at the number of pouches and loops she had on her belt. “I would take you back to my leader as my kepon - captive. But I didn’t mean to come this way. I was near the Azgeda border, on my way home, when I saw light - your light. So I wanted to find you. I didn’t know you were a child.”

“So, what, your people don’t kill kids? ‘Cos it looked like they were doin’ it just fine back there,” Peter snapped. He then inwardly cowered for doing so; she seemed merciful so far, like she didn’t want to do what she was doing, but he had a feeling that one wrong word had the potential to change her mind.

“We aren’t the same. I can’t hurt you like I hurt the others.”

“Others?” he echoed.

“Never mind.” She got to her feet abruptly, turning her back to him, the last of her knives back on her belt. “Go home, Petr kom Skaikru. I’m letting you live.”

“Wait.” Peter reached out, clasped her wrist to hold her there. His blood smeared across her skin; she shuddered. “I don’t...I don’t know how to get home. I dunno where I am or how far or...or nothin’.”

She glanced at him over her shoulder. “My people are looking for me.”

“Yeah? So are mine,” Peter retorted, smiling slightly when her expression faltered. “Lots of people died trying to get here. More people are dyin’ right now. I don’t want my mom and sister to think I died, too.”

“You...have a sister.” Gamora turned to fully face him, her expression unreadable. “Fine. I’ll take you back.”

He bit back the urge to draw her into a grateful hug, instead electing to let out a huge sigh of relief. “Thank you, um, Gamora kom...kom...I dunno what you said.”

She rolled her eyes, gesturing for him to fall into step beside her. “Ai laik Gamora kom Trikru, ‘I am Gamora of the Forest Clan’. If you and your people are going to stay, they need to learn Trig. Some factions won’t speak anything else.”

“Then teach me,” he said far too eagerly for someone who she’d tried to kill just ten minutes ago. “You said I was - ”

“Peter kom Skaikru - ‘of the Sky People’,” she replied with a huff; she wasn’t sure if she’d ever been so annoyed with someone’s existence so quickly. “Why would I? We’re never going to see each other again.”

“I guess not,” Peter mumbled. “I mean, with your people tryna kill my people and everything.”

“Wamplei ste komba raun,” Gamora said, her voice low.

“What does that - whoa - ”

Peter nearly tripped over something, unable to see much further than a few feet in the darkness. Bile burned in his throat when he realized it was a body, a body he’d put there. A man in armor, tall and lanky and long-limbed. He reminded Peter too much of Kraglin. Gamora stared down at it, unseeing, barely flinching when the man twitched, gasping for breath, his cold-gray eyes flying open.

“Heda?” he asked, his voice thin. “Heda, beja…”

“Okay,” she said, swallowing. She knelt beside him and motioned for Peter to join her. He did so automatically, too numb to realize what his body was even doing, the metallic smell of blood overwhelming all of his senses. “Leidon...reshwe.”

It took Peter too long to realize what was happening as she drew her blade from her belt, then drove it into the man’s chest. His eyelids fluttered closed, an eerily serene smile on his face, and he drew his last breath. Peter let out a gasp of horror, turned to dry-heave over the grass, but nothing came up. “How could you - ”

“I said we aren’t the same.” When he looked back at her, her eyes were wet as she calmly cleaned her blade with a small cloth.

“I killed that guy,” Peter breathed. “All those soldiers, I - they’re dead, and I - ”

“No. I killed him,” Gamora said. Her breath shook. “He asked me to.”

“Do you just go around killin’ people ‘cos they ask?!” Peter’s voice was getting more hysterical with every word.

“Your people are that way.” She pointed in a direction he could barely follow in his haze. “I think I should go now.”

“Don’t.” Gamora hesitated, furrowing her brow at him. “I don’t know what messed-up stuff has been goin’ on here for the last hundred years, but I do know I’m never gonna get back without you. Then I really am gonna end up...dead.”

Wordlessly, she nodded, got to her feet, and began walking again. He followed her, fists clenched at his side. He’d seen more death than he ever wanted to in a thousand lifetimes, created it, even, but he knew he had no choice. Maybe it was better that they never see each other again, that she was some horrifying child assassin that he thought only existed in the books and films that his father told him he could never look at. For now, though, she was all he had.

The rest of the journey back to the Arkadian camp was in silence. Peter kept his chin high, knowing that if he looked down, he’d see more bodies, only these ones didn’t seem to have people who were going to come for them, not like Yondu and his guardsmen for the Arkadians. Gamora, on the other hand, seemed resigned, the confidence in her stride and her posture from their initial encounter entirely gone. He tried not to pay attention to the sharp inhaling noises she made every minute or so; he knew the sound of someone trying not to cry when he heard it. It gave him hope, at least, that she wasn’t entirely soulless. He supposed he should’ve already known that, given her mercy from earlier, but it was hard to erase the vivid image of her blade in the man’s chest, glinting tauntingly in the moonlight.

“We’re here,” Gamora said hollowly after fifteen minutes of uncomfortable quiet. Peter could smell smoke but saw no flames, heard the idle chatter that told him the fight was over. He heard his father’s voice, booming over all the rest. From his tone, he sounded angry but not stricken, and Peter could only hope that meant the rest of his family were alright.

“Thanks,” he said, his voice raw from disuse. He’d never gone so long without talking before. “Hey, uh, are you gonna be okay? About the...thing?”

She turned to look at him; her nose and ears were tinged pink, and it wasn’t from the cold. “He asked me to...didn’t he?”

I don’t know. “Yeah,” he said. “Yeah, he would’ve been hurtin’ for way longer if you hadn’t...yeah, he did.” She squeezed her eyes shut, and a single tear rolled down her cheek. Her fingers flexed involuntarily, a motion that Peter had only seen Yondu and his other guardsmen do. He stepped closer, though he didn’t dare to reach out. Her sorrow felt contagious. “Sorry ‘bout getting all mad at you for nothin’. I guess I just...when we left for Earth, we didn’t think it was gonna be like this.”

“What did you think it was going to be?” She dragged the heel of her palm across her face in a feeble attempt to dry her eyes.

“My mom’s from here. She had all these stories about growin’ up in a place called Missouri. She went to church with her parents every Sunday at a place called St. Peter’s. That’s where she got my name,” he added.

“It sounds like it was really nice here...once,” Gamora said, a tiny smile beginning to form. “You should go to your mother now.”

“What about you?” Peter asked, stepping even closer; they were nearly toe-to-toe now. “Do you live around here?”

“You really want me to teach you Trigedasleng,” she drawled, almost like she was teasing him. “Even after - ”

“I mean it, it’s okay. Or I guess, it’s not okay, but...I dunno what I’m saying, my head hurts,” he admitted with a weary laugh. He was getting increasingly delirious with every word that left his mouth. Something about this particular time of night - or day, who knew - made everything feel hazy, dreamlike, uncertain. “So...maybe I’ll see you around.”

Gamora looked at him again, really looked at him this time - he was a skinny kid, the kind that Thanos recruited for thievery; he had inquisitive eyes and a curious mouth. His hair was a little long and his words were a little bit disjointed, but against her instincts, she found herself smiling a little bit wider. “Maybe.”

That seemed good enough for him, and he grinned in a charmingly lopsided way before turning to return to his people. The closer he got, the more his heart drummed in his chest, thrilled at the sound of his mother’s strong accent and his sister’s soft lilt. Peter turned to wave at Gamora, still stood atop the small slope, and called, “Thanks again, Gamora kom Trikru!” With a quiet laugh, her eyes damp with mirth, she waved back.

a/n: I love writing Peter and Gamora meeting for the first time in pretty much all of my AUs so that last sequence was so fun to finally get to! Also, I got a comment on the prologue from the lovely star_munches about being unfamiliar with The 100, so to give you some visuals, here is an idea of what Thanos's settlement would look like (with Sanctuary, his ship from Infinity War instead of the show's Ark), and here is an approximation of how Gamora and Nebula would be dressing at this particular age.

I'm not quite sure when chapter two will be posted, as I have a lot of due dates stacked up next month, but hopefully before the end of March! Thank you so much for reading, likes and reblogs would be much appreciated, and I hope you enjoyed :)

Trigedasleng translations: frag emo op - kill them all shof op, kepon - shut up, hostage / yu laik goufa - you're a child chon yu biliak? - who are you? / hakom yu kamp roun hir? yu hir frag ai op? - why are you here? are you here to kill me? wamplei ste komba raun - death is coming / heda, beja - Commander, please / leidon, reshwe - goodbye, rest in peace

#starmora #starmora fic #peter x gamora #gamora x peter #gotg fic #myfic #myfic: across the universe #marvel #have a good friday/weekend y'all!!

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consulting-celiac-in-the-tardis · 6 years ago

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5 Surprisingly Awesome Things About Having Celiac Disease

New blog post! When you learn you have celiac disease, you might initially focus on the things you lose, like the ability to eat gluten or eat whatever or wherever you wanted. However, as I discussed with tons of other gluten free teens back during the first annual Gluten Free Teen Summit (click here if you have no idea what Summit I'm talking about!), there are some surprising "perks" about having celiac disease.

So in honor of National Celiac Awareness Day on September 13, today I’m rounding up five surprisingly awesome things about having celiac disease, from being the first one to eat at the buffet to finally feeling like the healthy badass you really are!

1. You are more motivated to try new (gluten free) foods.

One of the best questions asked during the Gluten Free Teen Summit’s Teen Panel was our favorite gluten free food/product. It was hilarious to hear everyone in the audience moan when they heard one of their favorite foods or gasp at the fact that a delicious gluten free pizza actually existed.

Finding tasty gluten free products can be challenging, and it requires a lot of trial and error (even if you do your research and go with gluten free foods that a lot of celiacs give a big thumbs up). On the plus side, though, this search for the gluten free “holy grail” or whatever food you’re missing (whether it’s pizza, cookies, sandwich bread, etc) often pushes us out of our comfort zones and motivates us to try new foods!

Personally, I was a suuuuuper bland eater pre-celiac. I’d never even tried sweet potatoes, avocado, sushi, dragonfruit, olives and countless other foods I now love. Once gluten was taken out of my edible equation, though, I felt extra determined to try as many gluten free foods as possible and expand my dietary boundaries. And let me tell ya...while I still certainly miss plenty of gluten-filled foods, my gluten free life is pretty dang delicious now and my diet is even more diverse than it used to be.

2. You're a VIP when eating out.

One of the surprising benefits of celiac disease that one of the Gluten Free Teen Summit attendees mentioned was getting first dibs on the buffet. I actually haven’t eaten at a buffet since my celiac disease diagnosis, which is why I’ve never seen this “awesome” side effect of celiac disease first-hand. I do know, though, that when I’m at a potluck with friends or family, I often go first to make sure there’s no accidental cross-contamination from people serving themselves and switching utensils, etc.

On a related note, several of the gluten free teens also pointed out that they get special attention from chefs when they eat at buffets. Although eating out gluten free can be scary, it is true that celiac disease often makes us VIP diners (especially if you’re at a very food allergy aware location like Disney World). So if you ever feel self-conscious or uncomfortable because of your “special diet,” flip those feelings on their head and say, “Heck yeah, I am special, for better or for worse!” And when you find a restaurant or a chef that makes eating gluten free "easy" and delicious, give your thanks and spread the word!

3. You may grow closer to your family and true friends.

After I gave my presentation on being gluten free in college, I stayed back and chatted with some of the audience for a few minutes. My heart absolutely melted when one of the younger GF Teen Summit attendees said something like, “I am grateful that celiac disease brought me a lot closer to my family and some of my friends ‘cause they try really hard to make sure I’m safe and can eat stuff OK.”

My journey from celiac disease diagnosis to being healthy gluten free is one of the most challenging experiences I’ve been through in my life. I know my parents hurt as much as me when I was severely underweight and malnourished from celiac disease, and my health struggles certainly caused tension in my family during the worst points. However, I’ve also seen exactly what that young lady was talking about. I’ve seen:

How much time, money and effort parents are willing to put into making their pantry and kitchen celiac safe

How much parents will educate themselves about celiac disease to ensure their child gets what he/she needs

How flexible real friends will be in where we eat out, what we do for fun, etc. to make sure my dietary restrictions can be accommodated

Unfortunately, not everyone will “get” your celiac. Many attendees of the summit also mentioned being bullied at school because of their dietary restrictions. However, the people who really care about you will do their best to help you adapt to and thrive on a gluten free diet. And those close relationships and solid sources of support are priceless.

4. Sometimes, your food is better than the gluten-filled alternative!

One of the common stereotypes about the gluten free diet is that all gluten free food is “gross,” “bland” or less tasty than gluten-filled alternatives. But that is one heck of a big lie!

The truth is, there is good gluten free food and there is bad gluten free food, just like there are tasty and gross gluten-filled foods. Some of the funniest moments of life with celiac disease, though, are seeing peoples’ faces when your gluten free food actually smells (and tastes) a lot better than the “normal” food being offered.

Case in point? One of the gluten free teens made me laugh out loud when she talked about one particularly memorable snack time during state testing in elementary school. To make sure she wouldn't feel left out, the girl's mom had dropped a gluten free cupcake off at the school. “All the other kids who teased me for eating gluten free had got carrot sticks for a snack!” She laughed. “While I got to eat my big chocolate cupcake. Who’s eating the tastiest food now!?!”

I’ve never had quite an epic gluten vs. gluten free food battle before, but I have had people drooling over the gluten free pizza I packed for myself when I attended Papa John’s pizza parties at club meetings in college. Sometimes, the celiac eater really does get the best end of the edible bargain!

5. You can actually feel AWESOME!

One of the most awesome things about celiac disease? Changing your diet can actually help you feel better and stop struggling with celiac symptoms!

Of course, I’m not minimizing how hard going gluten free can be. Plus, it's important to recognize that, for some people like me, going gluten free wasn’t enough to start healing after a celiac diagnosis. However, compared to other diseases with no cures at all or expensive or painful treatments, it is empowering in a way to be able to largely influence your health with celiac disease by what you eat.

One day, a gluten free diet may not be the only treatment for celiac disease. At the GF Teen Summit, I was excited to hear that progress is being made on medications that, along with a gluten free diet, could improve celiacs’ overall gut and intestinal health. But until then, try to focus less on what you "lose" with a gluten free diet and more about the health, vitality and happiness you can gain!

After all, nothing is more awesome than waking up a few months (or even a few years, depending on your pre-diagnosis intestinal damage) after being diagnosed with celiac disease and going gluten free, and realizing that you actually feel better than you have in ages.

What I Hope You Remember This National Celiac Disease Awareness Day

If you have celiac disease or know someone who does, you certainly know that celiac disease is NOT all unicorns and rainbows and gluten free cake. Celiac disease changes far more than just your diet, and it comes with its own fair share of challenges.

However, I truly believe that focusing on any positives you can find in your chronic illness plays an important role in feeling good with a medical diagnosis. You shouldn't forget how flippin' AWESOME you are ether, with or without your chronic illness!

And if you have celiac disease and were feeling alone or recently got a celiac diagnosis and are terrified of how your life will change, I hope this post made you smile, made you laugh or just made you realize that celiac disease is definitely NOT the end of the world. It’s just the start of a new and often equally delicious and awesome life.

Like this post? Tweet me some love by clicking here: "In honor of National #CeliacDiseaseAwareness Day, I'm sharing 5 surprisingly awesome things about having #celiacdisease and eating #glutenfree. Need help seeing the bright side of #celiac or the #glutenfreediet? Read my whole post here --> http://bit.ly/2CzuKof"

What's one thing that has changed for the better since your celiac disease diagnosis? I'd love to hear!

via Blogger https://ift.tt/2NHY4xe

#Blogger #college #celiac #gluten free #coeliac #celiacs #paleo #primal #foodporn #foodart

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cellochicita · 7 years ago

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SO MANY QUESTIONS POSTS

OK SO I GOT TAGGED BY @bananabrianna77 @thiswebsitegavemethisusername @mtt-studios @zephyrus-gryphon @scolipendra91 AND @esmiden

SO NEEDLESS TO SAY I HAVE A LOT OF QUESTIONS TO GO THROUGH

putting it below bc it longgg

1. What’s your favorite inside joke?

This is fine

2. What’s the strangest/stupidest/most interesting way you’ve ever injured yourself?

Naruto running across the street, I tweaked my shoulder something awful

3. What’s your favorite color, and what do you find so appealing about that color?

Lilac purple *star eyes* I’ve always loved purple, it’s very feminine without being in your face, and mysterious, and lilac has the warm red undertones to it that make it feel like a hug. Plus I love the smell of the flower too

4. If you had a million dollars (or whatever currency you weird non-American peeps use) what WOULDN’T you spend it on?

Umm. I wouldn’t spend it on gambling

5. What do you usually eat for breakfast?

Whoo boy depends what I can grab as I run out the door. Toast, banana, etc.

6. Hey you now possess the ability to give people superpowers. I, your indecisive trash bag pal, just requested you give me a “random superpower”. What kinda power will you give me?

Hmm, I give you the power of flight bc flying rocks

7. If the roles were reversed, what kind of superpower would you request?

I wanna talk to animals dangit

8. What time is it for you right now?

11 am :)

9. What was the worst homework assignment you ever had to complete?

Oh gosh um, 20 page paper written in one day? That sucked major butt

10. What’s your worst pet peeve?

When people cannot stop to question their own actions.

11. Not a question, but write a short (3-5 line) poem/rap about the closest thing to your left.

Left of me there is

A wall covered in carpet

Why is that a thing

1) COKE OR PEPSI???

COKE YOU HEATHEN

2) Favourite food?

Hnngg all of them? Rice bowls.

3) If you had to choose one song to listen to over and over for the rest of your life, what would it be?

Oh geez. Um. I could listen to orchestral covers of Asgore’s theme for hours

4) Favourite singer/band?

Owl City, Imagine Dragons, Bastille, Taylor Swift

5) Favourite subject to study in school?

History or music

6) Your favourite thing about the internet?

Heck I love the freedom it gave to me to create music and voicework. I’ve had good experiences networking too :)

7) Have you remembered to do what you need to today?

Ummm I suppose I just did. But I still don’t wanna do it, sooooo

8) What time do you usually wake up if you get to choose?

If I choose? 8 am. Out of bed by 9 (I have to catch up on notifs)

9) Favourite YouTuber?

The entire Internet Remix crew

10) Can you list 5 tumblr blogs you think I should follow right now?

@fishmum, @rileygoldsmith, @kanaking, @asgoriel-stuff, @stariousfalls

11) Who is the most underrated celebrity, in your opinion?

ALL THOSE PEOPLE WHO SAID ME SHUT THE HECK YOUR MOUTHS

Piano Guys probably, they are great dudes

12) Favourite snack?

Cheese sticks

13) Can you describe your ideal day?

The day I can finally get caught up on all of my recording, then I go and hang out with family and friends

14) Your best tumblr friend?

Riley is bae @rileygoldsmith

15) Can you say the first thing that comes to your head NOW?

Can’t wait until my bf gets home so I can smooch his face

16) Favourite music genre?

Oof. I have eclectic tastes. Alternative I suppose? Not sure. If it sounds good, I like

17) Favourite video game? (If you don’t play, favourite Let’s Play series?)

Probably Undertale duh

18) The worst time someone has betrayed you?

Ex best friend, junior year of HS. But haha jokes on her, I’m dating her ex

19) Could you describe yourself in five words?

Keep enduring to the end

20) Favourite type of weather?

Fall weatherrrrrr

21) Could you describe your favourite place, without using the name?

Absolute peace

22) Favourite inspirational quote?

“Even when you think it's time to give up, don't. Take care of you and find yourself again if you need to” - Moony

1. What makes you feel at home?

My mom usually XD

2. Favorite soup?

Turkey and wild rice soup P:

3. Sunny or rainy?

Rainy dayssss ftw

4. Other than your family, who is one person who has shaped you?

My best friend

5. What patterns do you like on clothing that you don’t wear yourself (floral, striped, etc.)?

I wish I could pull off stripes mixed with florals

6. Quick, first word/phrase you think of!

I’ve got a lovely bunch of coconuts

7. One trait you envy about others?

The ability to not overthink things

8. What was the first online fandom you joined?

Online fandoms? Hmm, probably doctor who

9. Favorite song from the 20th century?

“The way you look tonight” Frank Sinatra

10. Which class did/do you do best in at school?

The easy ones. I got good grades in history tho

11. Would you smooch a ghost?

HECK YAS

1. Waffles, Pancakes, or french toast?

Waffles but on other days pancakes

2. Do you think spiders can be adorable?

So long as they’re not up in my space

3. Best gaming experience you have had?

Solstice ending of Oneshot. It was really the first time I played a game blind, and the ending is masterful

4. Happy song that makes you sad?

You are my sunshine BC OF THOSE DANG UNDERTALE COMICS DANGIT

5. Favorite adult cartoon?

Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood (I KNOW IT’S ANIME SHUSH)

2. Most adrenaline pumping thing you have done?

Bungee jumping was intense

7. Do you believe there is darkness within anyone, can anyone once good be evil?

I do believe, but I also believe the opposite. We all have dark and light in us, it all depends on what we choose

8. Favorite anime OST song, not counting openings or endings?

I dunno haha I do love the whole soundtrack to FMA Brotherhood? Not familiar with all the OST

9. Hade you dramatically lied to someone?

I have before

10. Did you notice I repeated 2 twice the first time you read this?

I JUST DID ACTUALLY I WAS GONNA FIX IT BC I THOUGHT MY COMPUTER MESSED UP XD

11. How was your day?

So far, pretty decent : )

1. How are you doing?

Pretty good thanks!

2. What leaves the worst taste in your mouth?

Figuratively or literally? Literally Orange juice after toothpaste. Figuratively, when I have to let stupid people alone to their ways

3. What is the strangest thing you’ve Googled?

Ghandi Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious

4. What’s the funniest thing you’ve witnessed in public?

Me doing a perfect double take at a guy pretending to be a mannequin in a store window

5. You are given the ability to solve one unsolved mystery. Which one do you choose?

Amelia Earhart. Where she at man

6. If you could write a letter to your past self, what would you tell them?

Dude, you won’t be lonely forever. It gets so much better

7. Which video game have you played through the most?

Undertale

8. If you could instantly learn a skill, which one would you choose?

DRAWING DANGIT I WANNA BE GOOD

9. What is a song you can never get tired of?

State of Grace, Taylor Swift

10. What is your favorite combination of food?

Breakfast for dinner!

11. What is the pettiest thing you’ve ever done?

Ghosted my friend bc she wouldn’t talk to me

1. Favorite literature or movie genre

Quirky fantasy

2. Top five animated cartoons

Phineas and Ferb, Gravity Falls, Avatar the Last Airbender, Steven Universe, Over the Garden Wall

3. If you could choose a fantasy land to stay in for the rest of your life, which one would you chose? Ps. You won’t be able to get back to the real world.

Hogwarts. Gimme. Now.

4. Favorite song at the moment?

Gorgeous, Taylor Swift

5. What is good design for you?

Something simple and clean, but warm and inviting

6. What’s your favorite color scheme/combination?

Lilac, lavender, mint and silver

7. Which feelings effects you the most in litterature/music/film etc.?

I am such a sucker for sister to sister relationships, make me teary every time

8. Favorite game?

Undertale (same as above)

9. What’s most important for you in a good movie?

I need to have fun! And I need it to not drag on

10. What’s your favorite time of the day and why?

Sunset

11. Extra because I’m out of ideas, if you got a painting. What would you want on it? XD

Cats!

AND I’M NOT GONNA TAG ANYONE ELSE BC I AM SO TIRED

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evenstevensranked · 7 years ago

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#29: Season 2, Episode 18 - “The Thomas Gribalski Affair”

Tom starts bonding with Steve and Louis quickly starts to become extremely jealous of their relationship. Meanwhile, Ren volunteers to lead the school bike safety demonstration even though she doesn't know how to ride a bike.

This one starts with Louis and Twitty at the Stevens house playing “Stinky Sock Ball” — some ridiculous game they created with a bunch of nonsense rules. I don’t even know. Tom is over and sitting the game out. “Pass. The last time I played Stinky Sock Ball I got a concussion. It’s been six months and I’m still a little woozy.” Gotta love Tom. This episode has his name in the title (a play on the film The Thomas Crown Affair I’m assuming), so ya know it’s gonna be good. Just then, Steve comes waltzing in super excited about this leprechaun whittling kit that came in the mail. He had plans to carve out the block with Louis, but of course.. Louis would rather play Stinky Sock Ball. Priorities. Tom seems interested in the weird hobby, so Louis suggests that the two of them hang out instead. Little did he know that one small decision would send him spiraling into jealous insanity. I’d also like to mention that the leprechaun’s name is “McStinker, The Town Drinker.” Okay, Disney Channel.

Next, we cut to Wexler’s office for the subplot. Ren and Larry are competing against each other once again. Wexler is looking for a student to lead the next safety demonstration and they’re both desperate to be selected. There are a bunch of other students there who are also willing to volunteer until Wexler says they’d have to give up a Saturday. Literally everyone leaves except for Ren and Larry. As an adult, this just makes me laugh tbh. One little Saturday in your Junior High career means nothing in the grand scheme of life. But, god forbid! We all need that precious Saturday to do.... nothing... instead.

Wexler picks Ren by default and doesn’t even consider Larry, which is totally not playing favorites at all. We learn that the demonstration is going to be for bike safety, thanks to Louis and Twitty running Wexler over because they were too preoccupied with eating chips and salsa.

Are these screenshots fantastic or are they fantastic? I’ll wait.

Ren is definitely apprehensive about leading the demonstration now and we don’t know why. She clearly doesn’t want to do it anymore, but the thought of Larry getting the gig instead motivates her.

At lunch that day, Louis and Twitty are playing yet another ridiculous and frankly freakin’ [Raven voice] NASTY game called “Extreme Meat Hoops” where they catch extra gooey meatballs that drip from the ceiling. Who thinks of this stuff?! HONESTLY. Tawny is disgusted as usual.

This literally looks......... awful.

Tom joins them at their table, ranting and raving about the funniest joke his friend Steve told him. When Louis questions who the heck Steve is, Tom says “Steve Stevens is the real deal” which is such a great line I can’t even explain it. Louis being Louis takes a minute to register that Steve Stevens is his dad’s name lol. He finds out that Tom and his dad have been hanging out a lot. In fact, they’ve been hanging out so much that Steve gave Tom his direct phone line to reach him at work. Louis didn’t even know Steve had a direct line, haha. It’s actually kinda sad. We start to see Louis’ jealousy emerge here.

At home, Eileen absolutely hates the newly-carved leprechaun. Steve wants her to find a prominent place for the thing, but it looks like a total eyesore everywhere she puts it. This reminds me of Lizzie McGuire and her dad’s obsession with lawn gnomes. This montage actually makes me laugh. It’s set to upbeat Irish-y stock music which contrasts Eileen’s distaste perfectly lol. Ren walks in and goes to Eileen for help with the bike demonstration. We learn that she was too embarrassed to tell Wexler she doesn’t know how to ride a bike. Whooop, there it is. Eileen promises to help teach her.

Ren in a crop top?! Why does this seem so... out of character? I noticed this before in Swap.com. Idk. To be fair, it was 2001. Showing your bellybutton was ~all the rage.~ God help me. Also, Ren’s shirt is purple-y once again and she’ll pretty much wear anything if it’s purple so.

Louis and Twitty are hanging out by some lake and Louis starts reminiscing about how he and Steve used to ride the paddle boats together when he was little. He says they used to sing this cheesy father-son song and “I can almost hear it now......... I CAN hear it now!” Lo and behold, Tom and Steve are riding in a paddle boat singing said cheesy father-son song. Louis’ jealousy has hit a new level.

This would be a little much. If I saw my mom doing such personal things with one of my friends I would literally be so concerned??? Like, what the heck Mom?! It’s just weird.

Immediately following this, Louis invites Tawny over for one of their little therapy sessions, lol. I love how this is something we’ve seen a few times throughout the series -- Whether it’s a serious talk like this or just Louis going to Tawny for advice. Like I’ve said before, he values her opinion A LOT which is lovely. This scene always stood out to me because they completely cleared out Louis’ room to look like a clean, cold therapist’s office or something. This is one of the only times it doesn’t look like a tornado ripped through it:

His bed looks sooo much smaller when it’s made? I could’ve sworn he had a full bed this whole time lol.

He tells her that everything went downhill when he was 5 and pushed Steve out of a paddle boat:

They gave Steve a curly brown mullet in this flashback. It’s wonderful.

Tawny says the symbolism is obvious: Louis has been pushing his father away forever. She suggests taking an interest in something Steve likes to do.

Next we cut to a montage of Ren’s bike riding lesson with Eileen. She’s literally terrible at it. They make a point to keep these random fencers in the shot. Like, really.. who goes to the park to fence? I’ve personally never seen that before but ok. I also just need to include this accidental screen cap of Ren about to fall because it’s great.

Ren and Eileen leave the park after a day of failing miserably, and one of the fencers enters the frame and takes off their mask............. plot twist look who it is:

It’s Larry Beale smiling maniacally because he thinks he has tea to spill about Ren being bikely challenged.

Now we move on to what is probably the best sequence in the episode. Steve is out golfing and Louis surprises him by showing up at the course! He’s so excited to spend one-on-one time bonding with Steve the way Tom has been lately, until Steve asks “Would you like to join us? Me and Tom!” And Tom shows up in his ~golfing threads~ which look ridiculous. (Cover image) There are so many fantastic lines from this point on. Kicking off with Tom saying “Say, Mr. Lou! I didn’t know you were a duffer.” And Louis gets SO OFFENDED. I’m assuming he thought Tom was swearing at him or something lol I can’t. Well, technically.. he might’ve been. Steve claims that duffer is just another word for a golfer. Out of curiosity I decided to google it to see for myself and well:

It’s not another word for any’ol golfer -- but rather a golfer that doesn’t know what the hell they’re doing. It means stupid too, so. There are also articles debating whether or not the term is offensive in the golf world.

Of course, Louis sucks at golf and hates the sport, but he’s trying so hard to win Steve over! The nail in the coffin is Steve casually calling Tom “son.” Yikes. Louis is at a loss for words at this point.

The next bit is one of my favorite moments in THE ENTIRE SERIES. I have to embed the scene.

youtube

From the opening lines between Louis and Steve, to “bend your knees” to Louis’ face at the very end. This is all gold.

Before the demonstration, Larry tries to intimidate Ren by dropping hints that he knows her secret. But, Ren takes the high road and says she has nothing to be ashamed of. I love when characters do this! Never let anyone make you feel inferior. So Ren comes rolling up with training wheels and says “The first rule of bike safety is if you don’t know how to ride a bike, use training wheels.” YAAAASSSS, GIRL. Larry gets on the mic and tries to turn it into a giant embarrassing scene, but it just doesn’t work when the person you’re trying to embarrass isn’t embarrassed at all lol. Ren is totally owning the situation and it’s great. Larry just looks like a fool up there beating the dead horse “THE GIRL NEEDS TRAINING WHEELS!!!!!!!!!”

She rides the bike through the obstacles, training wheels and all, and everyone roots for her! Yay.

Things get emotional back at the golf course. Louis finally hits the ball and it’s pretty incredible. He’s so excited and runs over to Steve and Tom like “Dad!! Did you see that?! I hit it in from way over there!!” and of course, Steve is all “Sorry, Son. I missed it.” You can just feeeeel Louis’ spirit deflating. This is the last straw for him. He starts ranting “You know what, Tom? I give up. You win.” It’s so sad oh my god. You can hear the heartbreak in his voice. Shia is so great, god. He basically starts handing his entire life over to Tom. Dang. Side note: Shia takes off his visor which made his hair stick up. He looks so different. I remember thinking he looked so cute like that hahaha.

Steve catches on and Tom decides to give them some space. “You two should talk. I know how my mother must feel. I canceled 3 games of Pinochle with her this week... I’ve got some fences to mend.” Tom is seriously the best. Obviously, Louis and Steve make up. It ends with the two of them playing Stinky Sock Ball together. It’s sweet.

I really like this episode. A lot. Y’all know I love Tom, so I had to rank this one a little higher just because he deserves some more love. But aside from that, this is a really good plot. It’s great to see how much Louis actually cares about his relationship with his father and how they eventually end up bonding a little bit more. I also like Ren’s plot here as well! It’s a nice stick to your guns sort of message that you can apply to anything really. There are honestly no specific reasons why I like this one so much... I just do lol. It’s a solid episode overall.

Well, guys. We made it. Officially at #29. Holy crapoli. Soon we’ll be at 25, and then 20, and then 15, and then 10............ you know how a countdown works. I just can’t believe how little we have left to go. I got all emotional about it here because I’ve also been running this blog for a year now. What the heck.

Thanks for reading!

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#rank #even stevens #shia labeouf #louis stevens #louis plot #tom gribalski #steve stevens #disney channel #larry beale #ren stevens #christy carlson romano #tv shows #tv #review #comedy #Eileen Stevens #old disney #season 2

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theworstbob · 7 years ago

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yellin’ at songs: week 31

brief reviews of the songs that debuted on the 8.9.1997, 8.11.2007, and 8.12.2017 editions of the billboard hot 100

8.9.1997

10) "Never Make a Promise," by Dru Hill

See, the thing about this R&B song in which a person makes an eternal promise that separates it from all the other dozens I've heard in the past couple of weeks is, goddamnit I was really hoping I would come up with a joke by the time I got to the conjunction, I figured, y'know, I'd get the ball rolling, get some momentum, y'know? If I started saying words in the cadence of a joke, I would get with the program and sort of involuntarily make a joke. I see now the folly in my ways. I should've been better prepared for 1997. I knew milquetoast R&B was in store. I dropped the ball on this one, and dropped it in such a way that it did not start rolling, to tie it back to a metaphor from earlier. I promise to do better. And uh, fun fact about me, I never make a promise I won't keep.

87) "Down for Yours," by Nastyboy Klick ft./Roger Troutman

Pitch the Auto-tune a little lower, put in a few of those drums what sound like a dude roiling his rs to imitate a machine gun, and this is a perfectly acceptable 2017 pop/rap song. I just wanna real quick address something: I know I said last week that every 1997 rapper, short Magoo, was better than the best 2017 rapper, but I was speaking in terms of pop/rap. Like, if you only go by what charted, which is a mistake for so... so many reasons, 1997 rap is better? But once -- I mean, the Kendrick and Jay albums were fire, but more importantly, you've got folks like Vince Staples and Brother Ali and Joey Bada$$ and Lupe Fiasco and SZA making awesome, challenging works that aren't gonna chart. These charts are at once a sample of music history and the poorest imaginable representation of music history. Anyhoo, I don't know what previously held the title of 'most innocuous song to throw Bob into an existential tailspin over the general utility of the YAS project,' but it belongs to this dumb sack of song now!

90) "Never, Never Gonna Give You Up," by Lisa Stansfield

Hey: if nothing else, clicking on this edition of YAS 7s should give you a fun and cool new way to Rickroll your friends. Add a meta layer to your Rickroll game. I know this isn't actually a comment on the song, because how could anyone be aware of memes in 1997? All these songs predate Hamsterdance. Someone should have told Lisa Stansfield there was already a song called this, though. Anyhoo, I'm not actually talking about these songs at all. They're boring! This is probably the most okay song so far, but I'm putting it out of my mind to think about a boring meme about a boring song.

92) "Drink, Swear, Steal, & Lie" by Michael Peterson

aw this guy's just a big ol' dork. i love him! ii love his dork ass song about how in love with his girl he is. this song has one joke and it's still a vastly more complex and well-written song than any pi[50,000 word treatise on bro country redacted]anyway, this dude's great. like, i'm a pop/punk main, y'know? i love dorky and earnest jams. this hits that button squarely, y'all. i'm so into this.

only publishing the 1997 top 20 because changes happen with the other two and i value consistency

20) "Step by Step," by Whitney Houston (3.15) 19) "Can We," by SWV ft./Missy Elliott (8.2) 18) "On and On," by Erykah Badu (1.25) 17) "I Want You," by Savage Garden (3.1) 16) "It Must Be Love," by Robin S. (5.24) 15) "Smokin' Me Out," by Warren G ft./Ronald Isley (6.21) 14) "Fix," by BLACKstreet ft./Ol' Dirty Bastard (8.2) 13) "Silent All These Years," by Tori Amos (3.22) 12) "What They Do," by The Roots (1.11) 11) "Step Into a World (Rapture's Delight)," by KRS-One (4.5) 10) "I'm Not Feeling You," by Yvette Michele (2.22) 9) "Bill," by Peggy Scott-Adams (3.29) 8) "Just Another Case," by CRU ft./Slick Rick (7.5) 7) "I'll Be," by Foxy Brown ft./Jay-Z (2.15) 6) "Felton St.," Leschea (6.14) 5) "Bitch," by Meredith Brooks (4.26) 4) "Mo Money, Mo Problems," by The Notorious B.I.G. ft./Puff Daddy & Mase (8.2) 3) "Return of the Mack," by Mark Morrison (3.1) 2) "Hypnotize," by The Notorious B.I.G. (4.26) 1) "Not Tonight (Ladies' Night Remix)," by Lil Kim ft./Angie Martinez, Left Eye, Da Brat & Missy Elliott (7.12)

8.11.2007

47) "Stronger," Kanye West

Graduation is such a goofy album because it has three of the best Kanye singles of all time, including what, let's be real, probably ends up as the best song from 2007, but it's also Kanye's worst and least interesting album. It's Kanye at a crossroads, stuck between being the pop/rap god and the morose Auto-tune sadlord who makes 808s and MBDTF. This song actually finds Kanye at the perfect point in the crossroads. He's still making a towering achievement for the mainstream, but he's breaking out of being chop up the soul Kanye, moving into electronic territory, developing his sound into that direction in a way that doesn't quite sound like MBDTF but sounds like the first step on that road. It'd be a bold experiment if it didn't absolutely work, and this is an amazing song by any objective measure.

65) "Cyclone," Baby Bash ft./T-Pain

Man maybe I just haven't noticed it yet or maybe I'm just coming down from the "Stronger" high, but I forgot how horrible the generic crunk beat was to listen to. It hasn't been quite so prevalent, but heck whoever gave this dude the Lil Jon MP3s. I will say that T-Pain making noises to describe what it feels like when a woman dips it low is the tiniest little miracle of a thing, but boy, is my life not better with this song in it. OK I just got to the part where T-Pain makes that noise three times in a row, this song is an achievement in Western art and culture and the world is saved.

83) "Love Me if You Can," Toby Keith

who the fuck listens to toby keith for the ballads like who is this for who thinks of this song when they think of toby keith no legit dude just make dumbass party jams i don't get why this would ever need to exist

84) "Take Me There," Rascal Flatts

Like legit why would you give "Love Me if You Can" to Toby Keith when Rascal Flatts is literally right there. Songs like "Love Me if You Can" and this treacly pile of love song are why you made Rascal Flatts in the first place. I also enjoy the twist this puts on The Country Song. I don't think anyone ever came to Rascal Flatts for Authentic Country Music, so them saying they want the girl to take them to Main Street and the backroads is actually kinda sweet. Like, they're not posturing, they're saying, "Yeah, we're clearly city softboys, but we wanna see the small town blue jean nights that made my girl." Rascal Flatts: generally inoffensive yet again! They just keep comin'!

89) "Proud of the House We Built," Brooks & Dunn

I like this song because it reminded me of The Wonder Years' "Teenage Parents," and I appreciate the opportunity to think about The Wonder Years. I dunno, country hasn't really been problematic this week! This song is almost good! It's just a nice look back on life. "Yeah, it kinda sucked, butcha know what, we made it." Maybe it could've acknowledged that the tough times sucked instead of looking back smiling and saying, "I wouldn't have it any other way?" Hard times suck, dude. I know you haven't heard that Paramore jam yet, but hard times suck and you shouldn't idealize them. Especially when, you know, you're a millionaire, and people who are actually going through hard times are listening to you and saying, "Welp, guess this is my station in life!" Hey Bob you're going on a treatise on the sociological implications of bro country, and you are actually unable to write that. Please write about JoBros.

92) "Hold On," Jonas Brothers

What a week for songs named after far more notable '80s jams! (Actually Wilson Phillips w)I LOOKED IT UP AND DECIDED I DIDN'T CARE anyway did anyone else forget that Jonas Brothers are like legit songwriters? Like, this is definitely as good as any Simple Plan song, and Simple Plan was like a decade older than these kids. Does Simple Plan make good music? That's beside the point, which is that Jonas Brothers was never garbage. They were always making highly enjoyable pop/rock songs for the whole family, and they were capable of making these songs from an extraordinarily young age. We could've done worse, is what I'm trying to get at. Like, we had it pretty got dang good with the JoBros, friends! There's a world where JoBros fades into semi-obscurity and makes highly enjoyable Christian rock with Hanson, and also no one ever makes "Jealous," and that's a pretty OK alternate reality, that one.

100) "Hood Nigga," Gorilla Zoe

The most optimistic sentence on Wikipedia is, "This is Gorilla Zoe's only top 40 hit on that chart, to date." This song ain't bad! It would've been a fine #1 in some of those weeks where the best song was like "Do it Just Like a Rock Star." He has this really fun and gruff voice, maybe a little laconic but certainly pleasant to put in the ears, the beat is, as the kids might have said in 2007, knockin', and we have certainly heard worse things! Also the radio edit replaces N with F and of all the letters to replace the N, F is easily the funniest, because now this song is about a dude who can't get enough figs in his life. Fuck Cristal, this dude's got a Fig Newton cabinet.

New #1 hype! 20) "Lip Gloss," by Lil Mama (6.9.2007) 19) "Stolen," by Dashboard Confessional (4.21.2007) 18) "Beautiful Liar," by Beyonce & Shakira (3.31.2007) 17) "Cupid's Chokehold," by Gym Class Heroes ft./Patrick Stump (1.13.2007) 16) "The River," by Good Charlotte ft./M. Shadows & Synyster Gates (2.10.2007) 15) "Say OK," by Vanessa Hudgens (2.17.2007) 14) "Alyssa Lies," by Jason Michael Carroll (1.13.2007) 13) "Never Again," by Kelly Clarkson (5.12.2007) 12) "Can't Tell Me Nothing," by Kanye West (6.16.2007) 11) "Get Buck," by Young Buck (4.14.2007) 10) "And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going," by Jennifer Hudson (1.13.2007) 9) "Thnks fr th Mmrs," by Fall Out Boy (4.28.2007) 8) "Candyman," by Christina Aguilera (1.13.2007) 7) "Misery Business," by Paramore (7.21.2007) 6) "Because of You," by Ne-Yo (3.17.2007) 5) "Umbrella," by Rihanna ft./Jay-Z (4.28.2007) 4) "Beautiful Flower," by India.Arie (6.16.2007) 3) "Dashboard," by Modest Mouse (2.17.2007) 2) "The Story," by Brandi Carlile (4.28.2007) 1) "Stronger," by Kanye West (8.11.2007) Hey guess what the alt-country song doesn’t end up being Record of the Year 2017. Also I made a minor adjustment to #20 because Lil Mama is going to stay around as long as I feel I cannot bop her in good conscience.

8.12.2017

40) "Back to You," by Louis Tomlinson ft./Bebe Rexha & Digital Farm Animals

Huh, well, I think I mind this the least of all the One Direction side projects! I'm down for a duet, even if this is just a little too low-key to ever attain Iconic Duet status -- drunk folks and karaoke wanna shout about love, and while I'm sure they'll appreciate the "you fuck me... up" phrasing, you're not giving them a lot to work wth. I've never minded Bebe Rexha as little as I do here, and just like in his boyhood, Louis Tomlinson doesn't do anything to ruin everything. This was passable. I wouldn't mind hearing this again, I wouldn't mind if a thousand lives were lived before I heard it again.

61) "What's My Name," by China Anne McClain 81) "It's Goin' Down," Descendants 2 Cast

Listen. Am I upset that this young woman's villain song does not in any way hearken back to "Poor Unfortunate Souls" in any way? Of course. Am I 15 years aged out of the target market for this song? I mean fucking obviously, I knew we'd be treading in these waters eventually. These are fine generic pop songs, the only true flaw in any being the fact someone looked at purple-haired girl and said, "She should be in a rap battle. I think she could convincingly hold her own in a rap battle," like I'm sorry sweetie you have an abundance of other talents and zero bars. It's charming. It's charming! Listen. Am I ready for China Anne McClain to rule the world for five yet-to-be-determined years in the future? Yes. Do I love Captain Hook's gay son? I LOVE CAPTAIN HOOK'S GAY SON

77) "Issues," by Meek Mill 79) "Wins & Losses," by Meek Mill 83) "1942 Flows," by Meek Mill 96) "We Ball," by Meek Mill ft./Young Thug 97) "Fuck That Check Up," by Meek Mill ft./Lil Uzi Vert 99) "Heavy Heart," by Meek Mill

So if I'm rating the theme weeks of 2017: 1) Kendrick Week 2) Jay-Z Week 3) Future Week 4) Meek Mill Week 5) Migos Week 6) Ed Sheeran Week 7) Big Sean Week 8) Drake Week 9) Bryson Tiller Week I was honestly surprised by how much I enjoyed these songs. Like, I'm actually adding the Meek Mill album to the library for future listening. "1942 Flows" and "Wins & Losses" are legit, they're engaging songs and Meek Mill brings passion to them, and maybe I'm just unfamiliar with the rest of Meek Mill's catalogue, but I honestly didn't expect to be involved in these songs. This seems like a fine album with which to kill a summer bus ride or two. Like, I can't remember the last time I heard a song with a Young Thug feature where I wasn't paying more attention to what Young Thug was doing. Meek Mill did fine work. (Worth noting: Wins & Losses is 15 minutes longer than DAMN., and I am curious what makes Meek Mill think he has 15 minutes' more of worthwhile thought than Kendrick.)

91) "Imitadora," by Romeo Santos

It was "Heroe Favorito," right, where I said I might enjoy Romeo Santos' whole thing on another day, when I was ready to accept him into my life? WELL HOT DIGGITY, Y'ALL, 'CUZ TODAY'S THAT DAY. I love his breathy falsetto thing over this song way more, it just fits. I'm also in love with this track, this gentle Latin guitar with occasional blasts of indie platformer main menu music. I don't know a better term to express what I mean because I'm bad at music, but these synth blasts play in the intro and outro and occasionally come back and they just take this track to another level. This is just phenomenal work from someone I now understand to be a veteran in the scene from the past seven months of limited engagement with the world of Latin pop.

I changed the top of the 2017 Top 20 again. 20) "Bodak Yellow," by Cardi B (7.22) 19) "Woman," by Kesha ft./The Dap-Kings Horns (8.5) 18) "Smile," by Jay-Z ft./Gloria Carter (7.29) 17) "Love Galore," by SZA ft./Travis Scott (7.1) 16) "Bad Liar," by Selena Gomez (6.3) 15) "DNA." by Kendrick Lamar (5.6) 14) "It Ain't Me," by Kygo x Selena Gomez (3.4) 13) "Craving You," by Thomas Rhett ft./Maren Morris (4.22) 12) "That's What I Like," by Bruno Mars (3.4) 11) "Chanel," by Frank Ocean ft./A$AP Rocky (4.1) 10) "Strangers," by Halsey ft./Lauren Jauregui (6.17) 9) "Either Way," by Chris Stapleton (5.27) 8) "Run Up," by Major Lazer ft./PARTYNEXTDOOR & Nicki Minaj (2.18) 7) "Imitadora," by Romeo Santos (8.12) 6) "Green Light," by Lorde (3.18) 5) "Hard Times," by Paramore (5.13) 4) "ELEMENT." by Kendrick Lamar (5.6) 3) "Despacito," by Luis Fonsi ft./Daddy Yankee (2.4) 2) "iSpy," by KYLE ft./Lil Yachty (1.14) 1) "Issues," by Julia Michaels (2.11) Like #1 should be a mix of Most Impactful Song and Song I Enjoyed Most, and maybe #1 justifiably belongs to “Despacito” given how great that is, I’m still getting a lot of mileage out of “Issues,” and honestly as long as I’m not keeping up this silly idea that a song that was #90 for one week is the most iconic song of the year this useless list has at least some utility. Shoutout to the true heroes Paramore, though. And also Major Lazer, PARTYNEXTDOOR, and Nicki Minaj. I will never fucking forget you guys.

Who won the week?

2017 actually put up a rather strong fight, but there was no way Meek Mill and the Descendants 2 soundtrack were going to take down “Stronger,” even when it was being weighed down with Toby Keith. 2007 had a couple strong punches, and it was more than able to notch another point. 2017: 11 1997: 11 2007: 9 In next week’s post, we get to listen to Spice Girls AND Billy Joel, 2007 gives us Luke Bryan AND Robin Thicke, and I don’t know what fresh hell 2017 has in store but evidently Tay Tay collaborated with B.O.B. at some point in the recent past and it’s gonna be real fun to deal with B.O.B. the popular musician should it come to that. What an unproblematic and unremarkable artist who has precisely zero bad opinions which he expresses loudly!

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