#i got a new job and actively adjusting | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

delusional-day-dreamer · 3 months

Text

First. Love. Part² - p.b

playlist!

prev. next part

‣ paige bueckers x oc

‣ wc: 12079 (this took me way too long but I got carried away...)

‣‣ synopsis: background on paige and jenna's relationship, how they met, fell in love, and how paige ended up becoming jenna's first heartbreak and eternal muse.

‣‣‣ a/n: So High School Part 2 will be out soon (i have no idea where to take the plot in that series 😔), this is sort of a filler chapter in between the podcast episode in part 3 to give context. EDIT: I changed Jenna's major to be Business Economics with a minor in Film, Television, and Digital Media because it's more relevant for the later plot!

June 30th, 2016 (summer before freshman year; 14 years old)

Jenna's POV:

You didn't know how much more of this stupid city you could handle. You had just locked your front door behind you as you left to go to the pool inside your new neighborhood, excited to read a book you had bought the other day while sunbathing on a lounge chair.

Your parents had just uprooted your life and moved you from San Diego, California, land of sunshine, beaches, and only a small amount of criminal activity, to middle of nowhere Hopkins, Minnesota, right before you started high school with all of your old friends.

Of course you understood that this was for the better of your family, both of your parents had gotten new jobs at a huge hospital with far better pay than their previous ones, they found a beautiful house in a nice neighborhood close to what was going to be your new school, and living in your dad's hometown meant being close to his family.

However, none of these facts soothed the bitter taste in your mouth that formed at the thought of having to be the new kid, having no friends to hang out with for the rest of summer or to start school off with, no job or classes to distract your never-ending train of thoughts, and you didn't even have a sibling to act as your built in friend.

Regardless, you tried your best to adjust to your new, albeit lonely, life by distracting yourself as much as possible. Your parents had re-enrolled you in music lessons the same week you finished moving into your house, gave you an allowance to buy new clothes and hang out at the local mall, as you very quickly realized your Californian wardrobe would not fit the Minnesota weather, despite it being summertime (although you hadn't gone yet as you hated shopping alone), and you had even been going to the pool frequently with the hopes of meeting kids close to your age.

And it just so happened that today, your prayers had been answered. As you were walking down the street, the door to a house you had just crossed by across the street had barely opened before a small boy barrels out, closely followed by a taller, blonde girl who appeared to be around your age, locking the door behind the two of them. You weren't able to put a finger on it, but there was simply something about the girl that was mesmerizing, just a quick glance at her had you wanting to know more.

You had always known you liked girls to some extent, you always found yourself gazing at the t.v. in wonder at the beautiful girls displayed upon the screen. However, it wasn't until probably a hundred, "Am I Gay?" internet quizzes later in seventh grade you recognized the fact that you were queer and were in fact attracted to girls, you just didn't bother telling anyone about this revelation.

In particular, the girl in front of you invoked millions of questions that raced through your mind: who was she, was she your age, was she going to the same high school as you, and most importantly, why was she so pretty? Her blonde hair cascaded down her back with a slight wave to them, her white oversized t-shirt and black basketball shorts draped over her tall frame, and her voice that rang out as she scolded the little boy who ran in front of her to the end of their walkway.

God, her voice was the most intoxicating thing you had ever heard, luring you into her like a siren's song to the depths of the ocean. You swore you were floating at the twinkling sound of her laughter echoing around the block as she joked with, who you head her refer to as, her little brother.

You snapped out of your stunned daze and continued walking forward as she followed her little brother onto the main sidewalk, now almost parallel with your frame. You were mentally counting your blessings that she hadn't looked up enough to see your stalker-esque figure staring at her, although you were praying that she happened to be going to the pool as well (definitely not so you could look at her some more).

Truly, God had decided to pay special attention to you today, as your blonde neighbor grabbed her little brother's hand as she crossed the street, making her way towards you. You couldn't help but glance at her as she approached you, and you were taken aback by the shockingly blue eyes that met yours. You gave her a tight-lipped smile as she stepped up to the sidewalk just behind you, hoping your internal panic wasn't apparent on your face as you faced forward once again.

Your focus on taking deep breaths in and out to not embarrass yourself in front of the first person your age you've even made eye contact with in the last month is interrupted by the little boy running past you, gently bumping into your leg as he brushes past you. His short legs are working overtime to maintain a pace faster than both you and the pretty stranger, who had now jogged up next to you to keep close to her brother.

"Drew the pool isn't gonna run away by the time we get there, you gotta slow down buddy," She called out to the curly-headed child, turning her head to peer slightly down at you.

"Sorry about him, he gets really ahead of himself sometimes," She apologized on his behalf, her eyes scanning over your face. Before giving you a chance to reply, she continued on. "Are you new to the neighborhood? I don't think I've ever seen you around?" She questions, your heart slightly speeding up at the undivided attention she was paying to your face.

"No yeah I am, I just moved here from California," you replied, tucking your hands into the pockets of your shorts to avoid any nervous flailing.

"No way, that's so cool, I've always wanted to visit. Did you live next to the beaches? One of my old friends went there for vacation and she loved it, like she wouldn't shut up about how nice it is over there. I think she went somewhere close to LA. Wait are you going to the pool too?" Her outgoing demeanor surprised you. You had only seen her for the first time a minute ago, and she was already carrying you into a conversation about your old life.

"Yeah I did and I am, I lived in San Diego so the beaches there were really nice compared to the northern part. I miss being able to go there all the time, so I guess for now the pool will just have to do," you joked back, and your heart fluttered at the smile that broke out on her face.

It had appeared that you made your first friend in Hopkins, Minnesota, and unbeknownst to you, she would quickly become your first ever best friend. Then your first girlfriend, your first love, and then slowly, your first and last heartbreak.

April 4th, 2017 (spring break, freshman year; 15 years old)

Paige's POV:

"Dude there's no way you think pancakes are supposed to be better than waffles, they're so boring," I protested on my bed next to Jenna, rolling onto my stomach towards her and propping up my elbows so I could look at her. Jenna had somehow become my best friend within the span of two months during summer, and although I was unsure of when and how her presence became so prominent in my life in such a quick span of time, I was nothing but grateful.

We had started high school together and even had a class together everyday, which was a saving grace for both of us. She came to every single one of my home games this season, even some of the closer away games. She made it to more of my games that any person in my family did, which surprised me, but she just was always there for me somehow.

I was never the best at making friends outside of basketball, the sport was my comfort zone and it was always so much easier to relate to my teammates who felt the same. Yet, me and Jenna just clicked, despite our many differences. Hanging out with her quenches a thirst within me I didn't know I had. A thirst to be seen, to be heard and known, a desire for someone to see me past all my future athletic potential and to just see me, and without fail, she did that for me. Every. Time.

One of the things we discovered early into our friendship, the first time she came over to my house to hang out, were our matching initials. PB and JS, which we affectionately coined to be our nicknames, Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich (pretend pazzi does not own this nickname). Jenna always says that our matching initials are a sign from above, a sign that we're meant to stick by the other's side. We even bought matching necklaces with our initials over winter break as a mutual Christmas present, mine was silver and hers was gold.

Our parents loved the nickname as well, joking that it's the reason they can never separate us, as you just can't have one without the other. Our families somehow became intertwined over the course of our friendship as well, trading in between carpool duties, spending long weekends and the occasional holiday together, and even coming to cheer me on at my basketball games or watching Jenna's dance recitals from the class she took instead of P.E. We all even went out to eat together to celebrate me and Jenna's small freshmen year milestones, like our birthdays.

Hers was a bit before mine, September 21st, 2001, which made her just slightly older than me. Apparently according to the Minnesota school laws or whatever, Jenna is supposed to be in the grade above, but California has different age cutoffs so she's one of the oldest people in our grade.

She confessed to me before school started that she was nervous about being the eldest out of everyone, but I reassured her by saying that it just meant she could drive the two of us around and do a bunch of other things before everyone else could. That really helped.

She even let me into her secret world of music, I knew she took classes but until she played and sang for me, I didn't realize just how good she was. She was fairly shy when it came to her talent, and almost never played in front of people she wasn't comfortable with, which is why it felt like an honor when she played a song on the piano or guitar for me, or sang for or with me, whether it was playing from the radio or something small she wrote.

But the thing that really brought us closer together was when Jenna's parents had to go out of town from time to time for their medical conferences, which left her home alone. When she was younger, she always used to go with them, as missing school wasn't that big of a deal. But now, she ended up refusing, insisting that she would be alright home alone.

This didn't fly with either of our families, and our parents eventually came to the conclusion that Jenna could just stay over at our house when needed. It wasn't like me and Jenna didn't have sleepovers all the time anyways, and both me and Drew loved having her over. She even met my Mom and my two other little siblings, Ryan and Lauren. The three of them immediately took to her the way I did, entranced by her presence. She loved hanging out with them too, since she was an only child.

There was something about Jenna that somehow attracted people to her. Maybe it was her welcoming presence, the way she made you feel like the most important person in the world with the way she looked at you, or perhaps it was something appealing about her appearance. The small makeup she put on and the way she spent extra time styling her hair was always unnecessary in my opinion, I always thought she was the prettiest person in our grade.

Sometimes I wondered if the two of us were truly best friends. I know friends hang out a bunch like we do, they don't mind changing in the same room or even in front of each other, and they definitely feel comfortable enough to cuddle together in bed or while watching a movie. Right?

But sometimes I swear there's a weird fluttering in my stomach when Jenna's bare legs drape over mine on the couch, or sometimes my heart skips a beat when we're getting ready for bed and she just pauses while changing her shirt, intent on continuing our conversation even while standing in just her bra.

But it's okay for friends to do that right? I mean, I've only ever had crushes or thought boys were attractive, so everything I'm feeling is probably just from the fact that I've never had a best friend like Jenna. Sure, I've had a bunch of friends and teammates I'm really close to, but me and Jenna spend all of our time together, and there's almost nothing we wouldn't do together. Sometimes, we just take turns showering while the other person stays in the bathroom just so we can keep talking.

Which led the two of us up to now, spending spring break sprawled out on my bed at 9pm, arguing about whether waffles or pancakes were better. We never had any real arguments, but with me and Jenna both being super competitive and never wanting to be wrong, we always had long discussions "fighting" about meaningless topics.

"Pancakes are so much smoother and like, enjoyable to eat compared to waffles, plus waffles end up crispy at the edges and they just end up tasting weird," She insisted, adjusting herself from her back to her side so she could argue with me face to face.

Her hair fell over her shoulder when she moved, leaving her shoulder exposed as her, no, my sweatshirt had slightly slouched down as it was big on her. Jenna wasn't exactly short, she was around 5'5, it's just that I happened to be even taller.

"Girls, come down for dinner please," my step-mom yelled from downstairs before I could even snap out of my distracted state to argue back.

"Coming Mrs. Bueckers," Jenna took the initiative to yell back slightly when I didn't respond in time, still in shock as to why I ended up staring at my best friend, distracted by her bare shoulder in my clothes. Me and Jenna always shared clothes, we even kept clothing and toiletry spares in each others rooms for spontaneous sleepovers. So why was her wearing my sweatshirt, in my bed, so different this time?

Whatever the reason was, I didn't have time to even think it over before Jenna got up from next to me, grabbing my hands with hers so she could yank me up as well, complaining that she was hungry. She kept our hands interlocked as we left my room, walking down the stairs hurridley. It was a miracle she didn't notice that for some reason, her soft, warm hands in mine had left a barely noticeable blush on my cheeks.

October 28th, 2017 (sophomore year; 16 years old)

Jenna's POV:

"Come on J hurry up, it's just a stupid party," Paige walked into your bathroom as you were almost finished curling your hair. "I'm on my last section P chill, I'll be done in a minute," you reassured her reflection. The two of you were invited to a Halloween party, but apparently you weren't supposed to dress up since technically it's not Halloween yet? (skinny jeans were the shit in 2017 but I can't bring myself to write that that's what they're wearing 😔)

You were both confused about it but the junior who invited you guys, Alexa, was one of your friends from math class. You were sat together on the first day and despite both of you struggling here and there, you often got the concepts a little bit quicker than her, so you always helped her when possible. And in return, she got the two of you an invite, well technically she invited you but everyone knows you and Paige are a package deal, to one of the biggest house parties of the school year.

It was also going to be the first party you were ever going to, and you both agreed to not go overboard on the drinks, since your aunt cristina, who was visiting, was going to pick and drop you in her car. Your mom's sister couldn't have chosen a better time to come visit, as both of your parents were working the night shift tonight and Paige's parents allowed her to sleepover at your house since your aunt was supposed to "supervise".

"See, I'm ready, let's go," you told Paige as you finished your hair with a thin layer of hairspray, moving past her into your room to grab your phone and keys. Your parents had gotten you a used Ford F-150 truck (so gay) so it would be easier for you to drive to school, with Paige of course, since they both started working longer hours now that you were old enough to take care of yourself and so that they could retire earlier.

You both made your way downstairs to your Aunt Cristina on the couch, watching tv while waiting for you to finish getting ready. "Ready to hit the road girls?" She got up to turn off the tv and grab her things from around the living room.

"Yup, thank you again for taking us, and for not telling our parents," Paige responded on your behalf as well. It was typical of adults to love Paige, she was always the most respectful and responsible kid in their eyes, even when thanking your aunt for driving you to a party so you could drink responsibly.

"No problem, I'd rather you girls be safe while having fun, no point in sneaking out if I'm here for you," She joked as you moved to get in her car, and within ten minutes, the three of you were pulled up outside the address Alexa had given you.

"Now please just remember to be safe, have fun, drink responsibly, don't leave your drinks unattended, don't try drinks from random people, keep your phone on you, don't leave each other's side," Your aunt was rambling off safety rules to the two of you in the backseat. You thought it was ironic she had to mention for you to stay together as if you ever left each other's side anyways.

"Yes Auntie C of course," You promised her as you moved to open the car door, "We'll be safe and I'll text you, love you, thanks, bye!" You closed the door the second Paige climbed out from the backseat, eager to walk into the house you could hear music blaring out of.

Before you knew it, the two of you were sitting pressed up together on a couch in a crowded living room, two red solo cups in hand with sprite and vodka. You and Paige were tipsy from the past two hours of drinking, a warm fuzziness settled into our brains, making the circle of people around us funnier than they probably were.

"No you know what we should play, seven minutes in heaven!" A drunk junior called out mid-conversation. You weren't really absorbing anything that was being said around you until that, and the loud cheers that erupted from the living room at the suggestion.

"Everybody gather around in a circle on the floor, whoever spins it has to go in the guest bedroom with the person it lands on for seven minutes," Alexa called out to everyone as she reached for an empty beer bottle behind her, before moving to sit on the floor.

"D'you wanna play?" Paige asked quietly next to you. You could tell she was hesitant on joining, and would only sit down if you went with her or dragged her with you.

"Why not, what are the chances we get picked anyways?" You decided, downing the last sip of your drink before setting it down on the floor, pulling Paige off the couch with you and into the circle.

"Before we start," Alexa loudly interrupted the conversation of the circle as she placed the beer bottle in the middle, causing everyone to quiet down and listen to her. "If you get picked to go in the room, you do not, and I repeat do not, have to do anything. The room stays unlocked the whole time, and you can't force the other person to do anything, even kiss," She insisted, making eye contact with every person in the circle before sitting back down in her spot.

"Agreed?" She asked everyone, and only allowed the game to start after hearing a response from everyone.

The game started and by the fourth round, everyone except one couple had clearly used the seven minutes to their advantage, coming out with tousled hair, bruised lips, and one girl even came out with a visibly red hickey on her neck. You and Paige had yet to be picked, and you felt a sense of relief that the two of you got to participate without having to actually play the game.

But, you suppose you must have spoken (or thought) too soon though, as you watched the next guy spin the bottle, and it slowed to a stop, the neck pointing right at you. Encouragements and cheers burst from the circle, urging the two of us to go in the room. You recognized who he was from around campus and his games, a junior volleyball player.

He got up from his seat, walking across the circle to you, and offering his hand to pull you up. You looked over hesitantly at Paige, who was barely meeting your eyes and had a small, tight-lipped smile on her face. Ignoring her reaction, you took his hand in yours and allowed him to hoist you up, dropping it the moment you stood in front of him.

You walked into the room first, sitting on the desk pushed up against the wall as he closed the door behind him and walked up to you, leaving a foot of space in between you two, presumably waiting for you to give him some sort of indicator.

"I'm sorry, I hope you don't really mind but I wasn't really planning on getting picked and I'm not comfortable, like, kissing you or anything so if you want to pick someone else I get it, I just don't want to," the nervous ramble poured out of you without constraint, the alcohol you had consumed making you more open-lipped than normal.

"Hey it's cool, you heard Alexa, you don't have to do anything if you don't want to," he shrugged, moving to take a seat on the edge of the queen bed in the room.

"Oh, thank you, I guess. I didn't think you would be so cool about your turn being wasted," You settled on top of the desk properly, turning to face the boy who was surprisingly chill.

"Nah it's whatever, I just broke up with my girlfriend like a month ago too, so I don't really care. I'm Jeremy by the way," he introduced, bringing one foot off the floor to rest over his other knee, leaning slightly back onto the bed.

"I'm Jenna, this is my first party so I wasn't really sure how all of this was gonna go."

"Jenna, I swear I've heard your name before," he paused, thinking for a moment. "Ohh, you’re the one who's friends with the basketball girl, Paige something right?" He suddenly remembered.

"Yeah I came with her tonight, she's my best friend," You smiled, talking about Paige was one of the easiest things in the world for you. You knew everything about her, inside and out, and majority of people knew you through her, since her athleticism made her quite popular around school. You never minded being known as Paige's best friend though, you knew you had your own identity and Paige always reminded anyone who referred to you as that, but there was a certain comfort that your friendship was strong enough for even a stranger to know that about you.

You and Jeremy continued small talking about school and a little bit about his ex-girlfriend before a knock rang out from the door, signaling that your time was up. He got up before you and held the door open as you walked out, instantly being bombarded with excited whoops and teasing "oooo's" as you walked to join the circle again.

"We didn't even do anything, guys" Jeremy emphasized to the circle, attempting to calm the rambunctious circle.

"Then why is she red as a tomato? The girl couldn't be blushing harder if she tried," a random girl in the circle yelled out, revving up the groups fever.

"She's like sixteen, chill out. Besides it's probably cause all of you," Jeremy backed you up as you walked over to your previous seat, but before you sat back down, you realized Paige was no longer there.

"Where did Paige go?" You asked the group before the next person could spin the bottle, causing eyes to shoot up at you.

"She went to the kitchen for a refill, so probably still there," Alexa informed you. You nodded at her before walking away, searching for your missing best friend.

You didn't have to look for long before you found her taking a shot in the kitchen with two other random girls, her face souring heavily at the alcoholic taste. You knew Paige hated the taste of alcohol and was never one to submit to peer-pressure, so why was she taking a shot of tequila with strangers?

"Hey P," you walked up to her, resting your hand on her bicep to draw her attention to you.

"Hey J," she responded dryly, but her voice was slightly slurred, moving her arm out of your hold to swap out the shot class for a full solo cup you could only pray she filled herself.

"You wanna leave soon? It's already like one ish?"

"Sure, whatever," she took a long sip from her cup, downing half of whatever she had poured in it.

"Okay, we can wait outside, let the cold air sober us up a bit before Auntie C gets here," you gently pried the red plastic cup out of her hand before grabbing her hand and leading her out to the living room, saying bye to the small amount of friends you knew before walking outside.

The two of you settled onto the edge of the curb at the ending curve of the sidewalk, just far enough from the house to get a little quiet. The stuffed house had been slightly humid, and the light breeze was a refreshing contrast to your previous environment.

"How was it?" Paige's question broke the quiet but tension-filled bubble the two of you had formed.

"How was what?"

"Your seven minutes in heaven," Paige drunkenly mocked.

"P, we didn't do anything. Like, anything anything," you were confused at her attitude, did she know something about Jeremy, or dislike him for some reason?

"You, you didn't kiss him?" The shock was apparent on her face. "The second you left everyone was talking about Jeremy and Jenna kissing in a tree, it was really annoying," she grumbled, you concluded that the alcohol she had consumed must be what was making her weird.

"No way P, I don't want my first kiss to be like that. Forced and with someone I don't even know, let alone like," you scooched closer into her, resting your head on her shoulder.

You awaited a response from her but never get one, she simply leaned her head on top of yours as you waited in a comfortable silence for your ride, which came quickly.

*small time skip*

You had just finished your short skincare routine and were finally ready to climb into bed with Paige, the long night had taken its toll on you, and you were ready to collapse into the warm embrace of your best friend. But tonight, when you laid down next to her in bed, she didn't immediately cuddle into you like she always did, remaining flat on her back, staring at your ceiling.

Instead, she turned over to face you, only a few inches of space were left in between your faces as she whispered to you, "Why didn't you kiss him?"

Her question shocked you. The two of you rarely visited the topic of romantic relationships or feelings of the sort, and both of you agreed that you weren't interested in the thought as of right now.

"I," you paused. You had never officially come out to Paige, afraid that once she knew you liked girls, your every move would be scrutinized and judged, and your relationship would never be the same. But surely, you insisted internally, Paige wasn't going to be like that.

"I wasn't really interested in the thought of kissing a guy," You quietly admitted, rolling back over onto your back to avoid her gaze.

"Oh." That was it? You basically just came out to her and that's all you got?

"Would you ever kiss a guy? Or just," she paused, the hesitation clear in her voice. "Just girls?"

"No I would kiss both, I just don't think I want my first kiss to be with one? Or at least not Jeremy," you confessed quietly, turning your head back over to look at her. She was staring intently at you, scanning your face.

"Who would you want your first kiss to be with?"

"I don't know, but at least with someone I'm close to. Have you ever," you waited a moment before finishing your sentence, taking a deep breath in between your words.

"Have you ever thought about kissing girls? Or a girl?" You whispered, watching her slightly panicked reaction.

"A few times, but I've never kissed anyone either, so I don't know," Her eyes darted in between your eyes and down to your lips. "What if you kiss me? Just so we can both have our first kisses with someone we know," in retrospect, you should've thought harder before agreeing to kiss your previously assumed straight best friend. But her offer set off a flurry of butterflies in your stomach, your cheeks flushed deeply as you nodded.

You shuffled closer to her in bed, such that there was barely an inch of space separating your lips. "Are you sure about this?" You whispered, staring down at her lips while reaching your hand to cup her jaw, the other arm bent at the elbow to support your body above hers.

"Yeah," she nodded, looking down at your own lips, slightly moving in until your lips grazed against hers. You pressed your lips a little firmer into hers, slanting your head further as your lips barely opened. She moved in tandem with you, her hand resting at the nape of your neck as she kissed you back.

Your kiss only lasted a few moments, pulling back the second you registered the taste of alcohol still prominent in her mouth. You realized it was possible that the only reason your best friend asked you to kiss her was because she was drunk, sixteen, and very single.

"This isn't gonna be weird tomorrow is it?" Your brows furrowed as a worried expression settled into your face.

"No, why would it? Friends can kiss, besides we just won't make it weird," she promised. And despite knowing it was a stupid idea, an even stupider statement, you agreed. Collapsing down back onto your pillow, you opened your arms for Paige to snuggle into you, and the two of you drifted into a peaceful slumber.

February 3rd, 2018 (sophomore year; 16 years old)

Paige's POV:

It was a relief to finally find a quiet moment to myself, even if it was at three in the morning in the middle of my living room couch. Everyone in my house was asleep, including Jenna, who was still snoring when I extracted myself from her arms. The ac vent aimed straight at me caused me to pull the blanket tighter into my body, despite the pajama pants I was wearing and one of Jenna's hoodies.

We were almost done with basketball season and were currently playing our conference games, and were thankfully on a streak. And yet, the pressure inside of me continued to build, the need to be perfect and to support and carry my team throughout our games constantly weighing down on me.

Of course my teammates, coaches, family, and my other friends were supportive of me and encouraged me to try my best, and that no one expected perfection of me. But for whatever reason, I couldn't get rid of the anxiety that was constantly taking over my brain, sending me into spiraling panics over my future and my performance.

But throughout the past few months, the only person I felt like I could truly breathe around was Jenna, my lifeline. Despite not being involved in basketball in any way, she understood me and what I was feeling. She confided in me about her having chronic anxiety (GAD) the first time I slept over at her house, when I saw her medication on the dinner table.

She taught me breathing exercises and calming methods, held and comforted me when I cried in the middle of the night from the constant mental pressure, and even told me that I should slide around my initial charm on our matching necklace since it was a better nervous habit than biting my nails.

Even besides that, her presence in itself was a comfort to me, even if I wasn't yet sure of how deep my feelings for her went. She was the first friend I ever said "I love you" too, and I think the same goes for her. And it is true, I do love her with my whole heart, I would do anything she asked or needed of me, I just wasn't sure to what extent this love went.

Along with that, I was still unsure of where I stood with my sexuality. Before Jenna, I never thought about girls in a more than platonic way, but from the first few months of getting to know her, to our first kiss together (still the only time I've ever kissed anybody), to even now, where she was cuddled into my chest a mere thirty minutes ago, I felt electrifying sparks course through my body at her touch, she could make me blush with the most innocent of looks, and she made me giddy in a way even basketball didn't.

But despite all that, it's normal for best friends to love each other? It doesn't automatically mean being gay or being in love, you could just deeply care for the other person. Besides, Jenna never brought up the kiss again, which meant it had probably only happened due to both of our inebriated states.

It was as if my deep train of thought about her cause her to miraculously appear, I knew it was her just from the footsteps upstairs, the way she gently walked down the stairs to avoid a creaky step, and the way her sock-covered feet padded over to the couch, grabbing a throw blanket for herself before taking a seat in the corner end of the couch next as me.

We sat in silence as she reached over to the side of the couch, pushing the button to recline the seat back, unfolding the blanket and covering her bottom half before patting her lap for me once she was fully adjusted.

I all but threw my head into her lap, facing her body, as I extended my legs out onto the rest of the sofa as I moved my arms up hug the tops of her legs as her hands came up to gently scratch at my scalp, playing with my hair in a way that immediately relaxed me into her.

"M'sorry if I woke you," I whispered into her stomach, even though I wasn't actually sorry. I was selfishly happy that she came downstairs for me and would give up anything for us to have more of these quiet moments together, her attention solely focused on me.

"S'okay P, you technically didn't. I felt the bed was empty and then my spidey senses told me you were thinking too hard again, so I came to convince you to come back to bed, but then this beautiful couch looked way too comfortable, so we can just spend the night here," she sleepily mumbled, looking down at me sprawled out onto her lap.

"Tell me who or what is stealing our sleep so I can beat their asses," she joked quietly, her hands coming to rub at my temples.

I sighed, it felt as if her hands were physically melting the pounding in my skull, my headache nearly subsiding just from her touch.

"Just stressed out about everything again y'know? Basketball, school, life, kind of everything," I admitted quietly. The one thing I hated doing, was talking about things that bothered or upset me, it always made me feel weak.

"Hey, we are all so proud of you P. We all know how hard you're working and even though you feel like it, I promise that it's not all up to you. All the people around you love you, and we're all here to help if you need it. You just say the word and we'll all line up for whatever you need," she reassured me, only slightly teasing as her fingers moved to pinch my cheek lightly before moving back to my hair.

"Yeah I know, God really blessed me with you guys. Especially you, I don't know what I would do without you," I murmured up at her, smiling at her sleepy but happy expression.

"Yeah yeah, just say you love me Paige," she poked fun at me quietly, letting her head drop onto the cushion behind her without breaking eye contact with me.

"Hey I do love you J, I say it all the time," I retorted, using my fingers to draw small shapes on her pajama-covered thighs.

"Well I love you too P," her hands smoothed over my hair as she bent down to press a kiss on my hairline before reaching back up to settle into the couch.

"Just trust me, you just need to do all you can so God can do all you can't," she muttered, closing her eyes as she leaned her head slightly onto her shoulder to get comfortable, all without stilling her hands' movements in my scalp.

"Hey that's a sick quote, I'm stealing that from you for my interviews," I teased groggily, the lack of sleep slowly overcoming my voice.

"You can have anything you want from me P, you already know that," she didn't open her eyes when she said that, but I could hear the sincerity in her tone even without looking at her.

The two of us slept the whole night in the exact same position, unaware of everyone waking up to us cuddling on the couch together. My eyes only fluttered open at the sound of quieted laughter and the shuttering of two cameras pointed at the two of us.

As I rolled my head out of Jenna's lap to look at whoever had caused the disturbance, I squinted my eyes to see my dad with his polaroid and Drew using someone's phone. I groaned, burying myself back into Jenna, I probably would never hear the end of this, but it was alright, because it was with Jenna.

July 4th, 2018 (summer before junior year; 16 years old)

Jenna's POV:

"Jenna you need to slow down, I don't want you to throw up or anything," Paige insisted as she walked up to you, pulling you away from the living room of the house party you were in, preventing you from throwing back another shot. The party was hosted by a senior at the end of your neighborhood, just walking distance from both of your houses.

"What's your problem P, I'm just having fun," you argued back, doing your best to enunciate your words to prevent having a slur, knowing she would cut you off immediately if you got too drunk. You were pretty good at holding your liquor, somehow being a natural heavy-weight when it came to drinking.

"Come on Paigey, just lighten up a little, it's the fourth of fucking July, have fun with me. Ooo, we should do a shot together," you elbowed her side jokingly, looking up at her hesitant expression with your best puppy dog eyes.

Her concerned expression softened, you knew it was wrong of you to take advantage of the fact she could never say no to you, but she was the reason you were adamant on drinking to the point of memory loss tonight.

As shameful as it felt to admit it, your best friend had been haunting your every waking moment for the last few months, and you were desperate for an escape from your own thoughts. You always knew you felt something deeper than friendship for Paige, the way your heartbeat would speed up at every touch of her hands, the way you found yourself unable to tear your eyes off of her, on and off the court, and especially, the way you could not escape the mental replay of your kiss.

The press of her soft lips against yours, the slight vanilla taste from her chapstick you so often borrowed, the way the skin of her jaw felt so soft in the palm of your hand, and the way your body melted into hers, pressed against her warm figure.

So, like any reasonable sixteen year old, you were determined to get absolutely shit-faced tonight, to the point where you wouldn't even be able to remember your own name. And the only way that would happen, is if Paige stopped monitoring your every sip of alcohol.

"Okay fine, one shot, but that's it. We can't both be super drunk," She relented, allowing you to pull her back into the kitchen to pour yourself shots.

And just to your luck, Paige had run into a few friends and teammates, leaving you alone with a few class friends for what she intended to be only a few minutes, but ended up being a little over half an hour. Those thirty ish minutes were all you needed to take two more shots, chug one whiteclaw and two beers, and finish a cup of a vodka sprite.

By the time Paige came back, still mostly sober, she was pissed to see that you were plastered, hanging off the shoulder of some guy she could recognize, but was too mad to focus on. She couldn't figure out why you were drinking so much tonight, despite her warning, you were practically making yourself sick for the next day, and you wouldn't even tell her the reason you had been off lately, brushing it off with some bullshitted excuse of school or your parents.

"Yo, who's the blonde chick staring at you?" The random guy you were talking to asked, nodding his head towards Paige, who was leaned against one of the kitchen counters and boring holes into the guy's head.

"Paigeyyy," you called out, lifting your now very heavy head from his shoulder as he pointed out your best friend who was now within eyeline, a deeply annoyed expression settled into her otherwise soft features.

"Hey me and Jenna are gonna head out, it's already past two and she's clearly done drinking for tonight," Paige announced to the group of friends you were hanging out with as she moved towards you, gently guiding your arm over shoulder and pulling you away from the other guy.

"Hey she's fine," the guy you were previously all over slightly slurred, "What are you her babysitter or somethin?"

"Dude worry about yourself, you look like you’re two seconds away from passing out," she snapped at him before walking away, supporting around half of your weight as the two of you exited the house.

"You're always so good to me Paigey, always my taking care of me," you drunkenly mumbled into her shoulder, pressing yourself further into her in an attempt to warm yourself up with her body heat. The summer night in Minnesota wasn't too bad, but your lack of a jacket wasn't helping.

"We'll reach your house in like five minutes, you just gotta walk till there okay?" She spoke firmly, avoiding glancing down at your slouched figure attached to her.

"You're always my best girl," you continued your drunken ramble.

"Always there fo' me, you cuddle me and you kiss me, and you even walk me home," for some selfish reason, she didn't have it in her to stop you. She knew it wasn't fair to you, letting you pour your innermost thoughts or feelings out to her when you weren't in the right state of mind, but she couldn't bear to stop the compliments gushing from your mouth.

"No need to date anyone in the whole wide world when I have you. You're so much nicer than the other girls. Or boys. And prettier. You're the prettiest out of all of them. So pretty, even when you're all sweaty and gross in basketball. You even kiss nice, don't wanna kiss anyone else after you kissed me," she finally cut your mindless babble into her neck off.

"We're here, I need your keys," her voice was curt, almost like she didn't want to be with you anymore. You lifted your head out of the crook of her neck to fumble around the pockets of your jeans, finally pulling out your lanyard and holding it out for her.

She took it from your grasp quickly, unlocking your house and helping you in to take both of your shoes off and lead you up into your bathroom, sitting you on the closed toilet as she went into your room to grab a change of clothes for you.

You leaned your head back in the two minutes she had left, closing your eyes and barely drifting off when she re-entered the bathroom, waking you up so she could help you change and take off your makeup.

It wasn't until you were sitting against the headboard of your bed, watching her move around your room to collect stray clothes from the floor into your hamper that the two of you finally spoke again.

"Paigey are you mad at me?" the nickname slipped from your mouth once again as you questioned her quietly. Paigey was something that usually only Drew called her regularly, but for some reason it was the only thing you referred to her as when drunk.

"Yes Jenna, is that what you wanna hear? That I'm fucking pissed off at you? You've been acting weird for the last like, two months. And no matter how much I try, you won't open up to me, it's frustrating me," she exclaimed pausing her movements around the room to rant to you despite her better judgement telling her she shouldn't talk to you about this while you're drunk.

"And then tonight you're all over some random douche, pretending like everything is fine when you know it's not. Then you start spewing that bullshit about me I know you don't mean because you're drunk."

You stayed silent for a few moments before you responded, "'M sorry, I shouldn't have shut you out for something you didn't do. But saying I don't mean what I said? That's not fair and you know it."

"Stop it Jenna, I think that you should just go to sleep. You're so drunk, you're not even coherent anymore, and I don't want to have this conversation with you like this,"

"What if I just wanna tell you how pretty you are, or how nice you kiss? Or that I love-"

"Stop Jenna, please just stop," Paige shut her eyes, her voice sounding nearly painful.

"Please J, you're drunk and you don't mean it. You can't say things like that and not mean it to me, I can't take it," she begged.

"If I say it to you tomorrow will you believe me?" you whispered, hesitating before continuing.

"If I tell you I love you tomorrow, will you say it back? Will you mean it the same way I mean it?" you pleaded with her, desperate to hear that she felt the same way you did, that you weren’t the only idiot who had fallen in love with her best friend.

"I'm gonna sleep on the couch," she muttered, walking out of your room and closing the door behind her. You could feel your heart sinking, the tears burning in your eyes, threatening to pour out at the smallest movement.

You stare at the door for a few minutes, praying that Paige would change her mind, burst back in and say that she did love you too, that you weren’t alone. She would pull you into her, kiss you stupid, and cuddle you for the rest of the night.

But she didn't and you eventually cried yourself into an uncomfortable sleep, tossing and turning the whole night.

***the next morning***

Your eyes fluttered open from the sunlight beaming through my half-closed curtains. Your head was pounding, threatening to split in half as you turned over, burying yourself into the pillow underneath your comforter.

You tried my best to recall what had happened last night that left you nearly dead the next morning. As you fought to focus despite a dry throat, aching body, and throbbing head, a specific moment came pouring back.

There was no fucking way.

You told Paige, presumably straight Paige, your best friend ever Paige, that you loved her. You had gone on a whole fucking tangent about how pretty she was, how nobody could compare, and the fact that you loved her.

You shot up in bed, fighting every painful twinge in your body to reach for your phone, when you saw a water bottle with two advils on your nightstand. You quickly chugged them as you reached for your phone, unplugging it from the charger. That was something you had most definitely not remembered to do last night.

At 7:21 in the morning there was only one text from Paige.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Peanut Butter 💜: Hey, my step-mom called me over to help her clean some stuff up. You went pretty hard last night so I left some water and painkillers for you, make sure you take them and eat breakfast. I'll see you later yeah?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Fuck, did she not remember what had happened last night? No, that wasn't possible, she barely drank. Did she want to pretend like it never happened? Was it because she didn't feel the same about you? As it was, she didn't allow you to finish saying you were in love with her, and it wasn't like she said it back. Was she trying to avoid ruining your friendship?

She had texted you almost three hours ago, which meant your parents had to already be back from their night shift and everyone in her house was probably awake.

You threw your phone out onto your bed, slamming yourself back down and under your covers.

What were your options here? Either pretend like it never happened and continue hopelessly pining after your best friend, confess your feelings only to get rejected and ruin your friendship, or the least likely of them all.

You told her and she felt the same.

You thought long and hard about what to do. As much as it would hurt to only be something, continuing to hide your feelings, it would be worse to be nothing to her, right?

But if it had slipped out of you once, wasn't there the chance it could happen again? What if it was even worse the next time, what if it was in public and everyone ended up finding out.

It would be better to own up to the truth now, right? Right? Right, you decided.

You finally mustered up the courage to leave the safe haven of your bed. dragging yourself to the bathroom to freshen up (ESPECIALLY BRUSHING YOUR TEETH) before quietly exiting your house, walking across the street to hers.

You knocked on the door firmly, knowing the Bueckers weren't the biggest fans of using the doorbell.

"Jenna," Drew exclaimed as he opened the door for you, allowing you into the house you had quickly claimed as your second home.

"What's up little man," you greeted him while taking off your slippers, "Where's your sister?" You asked him.

You had made it a habit to call Paige, Drew's sister, when talking to him. You felt bad that people always mentioned him as Paige's little brother instead of taking two seconds to learn his name, so you always made the effort to make sure he felt seen.

"She's in her room, she said she was feeling weird when she came home and she won't leave her room," he told you.

Shit, that meant she did remember what had happened. Well, it was now or never.

"Thanks Drew, Hi Mrs. Bueckers," you waved to her in the kitchen as you made your way to the stairs, bounding up two at a time to reach Paige's room faster. Her door was shut when you reached, and you knocked lightly on the wood.

"Hey P, it's me," you called out through the closed door, waiting to hear her mumbled, come in, before turning the knob. She was laying down in her bed, putting her phone down as she looked up at you.

"How you feeling Jelly? You drank a lot last night," she asked quietly, her hands fiddling with the top of her comforter, something you knew she did when she was nervous.

"Not that bad," you moved to sit down next to her lying figure, gazing down at her exhausted face. You could tell she hadn't slept well last night either, surely from your intoxicated confession.

"Listen, I know I was really stupid last night, but what we were talking about in my room," Paige cut you off before you could finish.

"Hey it's fine, I get it. You were really drunk and you get kind of emotional at that stage, so it's not even a big deal-"

"Oh my god Paige will you let me even speak? I meant what I said last night," you interrupted. There was no way you would allow her to brush this under the rug the same way you let her pretend your kiss had never happened.

"You're not just my best friend, you're my everything. You mean the literal world to me, there's barely anything I wouldn't do for you, because I'm in love with you. I have been for a reallly really long time now, that's why I was trying to keep my distance. It hurt, being around you and pretending like my heart wasn't going to explode at nearly everything you said or did with me," you professed, watching her expression morph from faked nonchalance to shock, and slowly, a small smile broke out.

"You, you love me love me? Like, you're in love with me? In a more than friends way?" She sat up to face you fully as she questioned you, tucking her bottom lip into her mouth as she waited for your response.

"No shit Sherlock Holmes, it's almost like I said it like four times now, and you're still not-" she didn't let you finish your exasperated sentence before pulling you into her, pressing your lips firmly into hers.

You closed your eyes as you sighed into the minty kiss, melting into her hold as she moved her lips against you slowly, the rest of the world faded away as the two of you found peace in each other's embrace.

"You know you still haven't told me you love me back," you mumbled against her lips as the two of you separated a minute later, a wide grin stretched out across your face.

"No shit I love you too Sherlock Holmes," she teased, using the nickname you had come up with against you. "Have been for a while now, glad you finally noticed," she pulled you into her as she flopped down to lie down on her side, facing you.

The two of you continued to exchange light pecks and languid kisses, reveling in the comfort of your intertwined bodies in Paige's warm bed.

"Does this mean we're dating?" Paige pulled back to watch your face as she asked.

"Yeah P, this means you're my girlfriend now. Just mine, kay?" You beamed, caressing her cheek with your thumb.

"Got it, as long as you're only mine J."

December 23rd, 2019 (Winter Break, senior year; 18 years old)

Paige’s POV:

"I have no idea what that's supposed to mean," Jenna giggled at my response, her laughter rumbling her body against mine. She was currently sprawled over my body in tiny pajama shorts and a cropped tank top, her head laying on my chest as she wrote random words onto my left arm for me to guess, my other hand wrapped tightly over her waist, eliminating any space that may have been between us.

Jenna had finally finished all of her college applications and we both took our winter finals two weeks prior, leaving us to peacefully enjoy our Christmas and New Years together.

We had already been dating for over a year now, and if I wasn't completely and irrevocably head over heels for Jenna Smyths before, I most definitely was now. The two of us were already inseparable even before we started dating, but since last July it was almost like we couldn't spend go more than twenty-four hours apart, which our families had slowly started picking up on.

We never really told my family that we were dating, just slowly started leaving hints here and there. Spending more time together, being more cuddly or touchy with the other person (all pg of course), and we went to our most recent school dances together, as friends, but still.

Even at school or in public, we basically acted the same as we always did, and despite the rumors running rampant in the many gossip circles, no one had any evidence to prove any allegation, and when prompted, we always gave the same answer, "She's my best friend".

But with Jenna's family on the other hand, only her mom knew after a really awkward walking-in incident. It wasn't too bad, it just so happened that one night when I was sleeping over at her house in March, we were innocently making out in her bed, as any seventeen year-old couple did, when her mom walked in to tell us that we were going out for breakfast the next morning. We quickly separated, but not fast enough to evade her mom.

Needless to say, the two of us had to endure a very, very embarrassing conversation of being safe and responsible together, and the only reason she didn't rat us out to Jenna's dad or my family to stop our sleepovers was the fact that neither of us could get pregnant from anything we may or may not do.

Unfortunately, our "separation anxiety problem" proved to be quite the difficult challenge when I had to leave for the team USA basketball games and Jenna went on college tours with her parents. The two of us managed to get by through near constant texting and nightly FaceTime calls, which I've accepted may be the norm for our relationship in the future.

I already committed to UConn back in April, but Jenna still hasn't decided where she wants to go. She's applied sort of everywhere, California, Washington, Michigan, Minnesota, Pennsylvania, New York, and of course, Connecticut. She hasn't told me what her top pick is out of all of her applications, but I had a feeling she was refraining from telling me because it was going to be one of the furthest ones from UConn.

I didn't mind having to do long distance, as hard as it would be, I would take that struggle over losing Jenna any day. But there was a sneaking suspicion in the back of my mind that Jenna didn't agree, that she would rather break up than have to deal with long distance.

But that couldn't happen to us, we were Paige and Jenna, Peanut Butter and Jelly, and there was no way that we would break up because of college. I mean sure, we had real arguments every once in awhile, one of us got a little jealous, or we were tired or annoyed and accidentally took it out on the other person. But those never lasted long, both of us being too weak to remain mad at the other for more than a day.

One of the biggest arguments we had was over one of my newest and closest friends, Azzi Fudd. We met through team USA and got really close really quickly, which Jenna wasn't the fondest of. We never talked about her until I had gotten back, and Jenna finally burst when I paused our conversation to text Azzi back.

It wasn't until after I assured Jenna that Azzi was straight and was definitely not interested in me in anyway since she had a crush on a boy at her school, that she was my girlfriend and the only one I had eyes for, and she met Azzi in person for the first time that she understood just how platonic our friendship was and also formed a connection with the younger girl.

To be fair, Jenna wasn't the only one with slight jealousy issues, or as she called it, me being "territorial", which I wholeheartedly disagree with. I just think that some of the guys and girls she's friends with don't need to be all over her all the time, but Jenna was just a naturally affectionate person who made everyone around her feel loved and seen, and I understood that doesn't necessarily mean in a romantic way.

Which is all to say that despite any minor bumps in the road, our relationship was as steady and strong as ever, and there was no where else in the world I would rather be right now than in bed with Jenna's body covering mine.

"I wrote bball doofus, okay there's no way you don't get this next one," she remarked teasingly. I pinched her side as she stifled her laughter, adjusting herself over me before going to write her next phrase on my bicep. I was wearing a similar tank top to hers, but with warmer, full length pajama pants. Jenna always refused to admit when she was feeling cold, which was always, instead choosing to intertwine her legs with mine, absorbing any body heat radiating off of me.

I closed my eyes and focused on her fingers fluttering over my arm, concentrating on the words she attempted to spell out. It was a phrase so familiar to us at this point I had figured it out before she had even gotten to the last word.

I smiled down at her, watching as she moved her gaze from her writing to my face, a wide grin and blush present on her features.

"I love you," I whispered to her, admiring at the way her cheeks flushed deeper at my statement. She never used to be the type of person who got easily flustered or shied away from a challenge, but when it came down to the sweetest moments like this, her body was almost constantly some shade of red or pink.

Jenna wasn't the most openly affectionate person, she often got shy when it came to dates, romantic gesture, even verbally expressing her feelings. But by driving me around all the time when I didn't have my car or even my license, helping me with homework last minute, doing my hair for games, cooking and baking food for me, and remembering the smallest details about me, she showed me how much she loved me, and that was always enough for me.

"I love you too," she whispered back, resting her chin on my chest as she continued to gaze up at me, deep adoration present in her eyes, and without a doubt, I was sure I was looking back at her with either the same or deeper level of infatuation. I moved my hand around her waist to draw small circles on the sliver of skin that was exposed, relishing in the sweet intimacy.

Moments like this were my favorite, relishing in the presence of one of my favorite people on earth, quiet and at peace with no distractions, just the two of us enjoying our time spent together.

"Wait I wanna switch, it's your turn to be the big spoon," I patted her waist to guide her to flip over onto her back, so I could lay my head down on her this time.

One of the things I loved to do with Jenna was listen to her heartbeat, it was the beat of a song I would never know the name of, but it was my favorite. To me, it proved the tangibility of the connection between our souls, the love we held for each other. It was listening to the sound that kept my life force breathing, that allowed me to keep my rock and anchor, the person I loved the most and showed me that everyday was worth living, no matter what, because it was with her.

May 22nd, 2020 (End of Senior Year; 18 years old)

My heart sank at the silence I received from Paige, she was sitting across from me on my bed and kept switching from quietly scanning over the letter on my computer screen to changing the tabs, looking over all the schools I had received acceptance letters from.

Despite getting into UConn with Paige, and even universities close to her on the East Coast, like NYU and UPenn, I was choosing to commit to UCLA, my dream school since I was seven. It was safe to say Paige wasn't thrilled with my decision, evident through her lack of a response.

"P? Please say something, literally anything," I begged, her silence was unsettling, and her face was stoic and near emotionless, which meant I had no idea of the thoughts running through her head right now.

"I don't even know what you want me to say. Or expect me to do," she paused before continuing, "I am so proud of you and everything you've done and accomplished to make it this far, but I feel so," she stopped, collecting her thoughts and emotions before continuing.

"I almost want to hate you for choosing to go so far, for choosing to leave me and be so far away from me when we both know this kind of long-distance won't work," her voice cracked, at the end of her sentence. Rather than continuing to talk, she raised the collar of her t-shirt to her eyes, tucking her head under to hide the tears that had begun to spill out.

You moved your laptop away so could close some of the distance between the two of you. You gently cupped her face, coaxing her to let go of her t-shirt so you could look directly in her eyes.

"I know, and I'm so sorry, but I can't not go Paige. I need to do this for myself and I know that if I don't go, or at least give it my best shot, I'll regret it for the rest of my life," her heartbroken expression was painful for you to watch, only making it harder for you to refrain from crying.

"If I asked you to even consider, not even coming to UConn with me but like, NYU or something, literally anywhere closer to make the long distance work, would you?" Her eyes bore into yours, searching for the answer she dreaded hearing.

You waited a moment to answer, not to think over your answer or consider her question, you already knew the answer. But to compose yourself, holding in the pain you felt from hurting the only person who would ever love you like this.

You dropped your hands from her face before responding, "No."

You could see, practically hear, her heart shatter at your response, not expecting you to be so cold and short with her. She was openly crying now, her voice now shaky and slightly higher-pitched.

"So all the times that you told me that you couldn't imagine living without me, that you needed me, that you felt like you could only breathe around me, that was all bullshit? Or you just, what, changed your mind?"

"I never lied to you about that Paige, all of those things are still true. But this is my dream, I obviously didn't go into this whole process expecting to get into one of the top universities in the nation. If I asked you the same thing right now, to give up UConn and accept one of the recruitment offers you got closer to UCLA, would you?"

"Don't turn this around on me and make me the selfish one right now. That's not fair and you know it Jenna. Getting recruited is different, it determines whether or not I can go pro in the future, it makes all the difference in the world when it comes time for me to get drafted in the W."

"I'm not trying to accuse you of anything Paige, I'm just trying to make you understand that I can't give up UCLA. And selfish, really? Trying to make a life for myself, going to the college of my dreams, that's selfish?"

"That's not what I meant," she sighed, rubbing her hands over her tear-streaked face.

"You have to understand what it feels like to be in my position right now. You're my everything, my best friend, my girlfriend, the one person who knows me better than anyone, even my parents. And you just dropped a bomb of information on me. From day one, I have always been clear about where I wanted to go to college, and I signed as soon as I got the offer. But you never said anything about that, and on top of it, you were always the one who talked about our future together, and now it's like you're taking all of your previous statement back."

"I'm sorry Paige. I'm so sorry that I'm doing this to you, that I'm hurting you. That was never my intention with this. You're my everything too, but that's not right and that's not how it should be. One person can't be my whole life, and I can't be yours either. No matter how much I love you and need you, I also need this for myself."

Paige's eyes were bloodshot at this point, and you hadn't noticed when, but somewhere during your conversation you had given up on trying to hold back your own tears.

"I've already submitted a housing application, the apartments open from June but usually students don't go until July or August, so I'll still be here for a little while," you sniffled.

As much as your decision hurt Paige, you knew it was the right thing for both of you. Paige had to focus on basketball and you needed to focus on school and your own future, and maybe the time apart would allow you to grow together rather than apart.

After all, isn't distance supposed to make the heart grow fonder?

a/n: thank you for reading all the way through, any and all support is greatly appreciated!!

247 notes · View notes

zvouyage · 26 days

Text

behind the scenes!

pairing.ᐟ ; model!jungwon x stylist!fmr . . . fluff - mutual pinning && flirting . . . précis.ᐟ ; jungwon tries shooting his shot at you before his runway.

w.c.ᐟ ; 1823 ( 𝒷ack 𝓉o 𝒷log ? )

warnings.ᐟ ; lowercase intended , not proofread , kissing , kissing on shirt collar && a very flirty jungwon . . . 🎬

the backstage of a fashion show was always a whirl of chaos. hairdryers blasted, makeup artists dabbed final touches of powder on faces, and stylists like you moved with determined grace, adjusting clothing and checking every little detail with a critical eye. you liked the chaos, though. the flurry of activity kept your mind focused, helped you tune out everything except for your job, which was currently—jungwon. the model you’d been assigned to for today’s and many other shows that you’ve done before with him. tall, broad shoulders and with a lean build and striking features, jungwon had the sort of presence that commanded attention without even trying. he was the type of model whose quiet confidence drew eyes the moment he stepped into a room and walked effortlessly on any runway he was assigned to. not that you’d ever say that to his face, of course. it was unprofessional to think of your models in that way, even if you sometimes caught yourself sneaking glances at him while working and paying more attention to him and his outfits before any show.

you hadn’t realized you were staring until his cat-like eyes met yours in the mirror, a sly smile pulling at the corner of his lips, making his dimples appear which was what got him so many compliments and opportunities to walk the runway. “you’re doing that thing again,” jungwon eased, his voice low as he adjusted the tie of his suit from the new collection n the reflection. “what thing?” you tried to hide your embarrassment, focusing instead on fixing the last button of his blazer. “that thing where you look at me like you’re trying to figure out something important.” he turned slightly, watching you through his long lashes. “what’s on your mind?” he cocked his head, so adoringly that you wanted to just put him in your pockets and keep him there safe and sound from the harms of the world. you rolled your eyes playfully, trying to cover up the warmth spreading across your cheeks as you stepped back, your eyes travelling down his body to check if you liked it or not, to make any new adjustments. “I’m just making sure everything is perfect. This suit is from the new collection, after all. It’s kind of a big deal.” you murmured, you didn’t like how the sleeves of his blazer was looking so you started to roll them and then unrolled cause it didn’t look like how you imagined it in your head. “It’s just a suit,” he said with a shrug, though his eyes glinted with amusement. “nothing to get all worked up over.”. you shook your head. “It’s more than just a suit, jungwon. It’s art. and my job is to make sure the art looks flawless otherwise i’m getting my head chopped off by the designer.” you complained, earning a chuckle from him. “well, if anyone can do it, it’s you,” he said, leaning just a little closer as if sharing a secret. His voice dropped to a soft murmur, sending a flutter through your chest. “you always make me look my best.” your heart skipped a beat at the sudden compliment said so nonchalantly by him, and you tried to laugh it off, but there was something in his tone that made it impossible to ignore the tension between you two.

“you flatter me,” you replied, stepping back to get a full view of his outfit again. you moved and circled around him slowly, inspecting every seam and crease in the rich, dark fabric. the suit was perfect, tailored to fit his form like a second skin, exuding elegance and confidence, and not mention how his legs looked longer since his slacks were high waisted and accentuated his legs. but something was missing. you chewed on your lower lip, staring at him for a moment before sighing. “i don’t know what it is, but there’s just… something.” jungwon raised an eyebrow, looking down at himself with a frown and then back at you. “Something? like what?..” he asked. “like..the look isn’t fully complete yet,” you muttered, eyes narrowing as you thought. you crossed your arms, wondering what detail you might’ve missed. a pocket square? a tie adjustment? nope, it was all there…

“hmm..” jungwon mused, stepping toward you with an air of quiet confidence. he leaned down slightly, bringing his face close to yours. “maybe it needs something a bit more personal.” your heart began to race as he paused, his gaze locked onto yours. there was an intensity in his eyes, something unreadable yet deeply felt. you swallowed nervously. “Personal?” a small smile tugged at his lips as he brought a hand up, taking the black pen that was tucked snugly ehind your ear. “yup. if you see here..the designer has a bunch of lipstick stains detailing around the collar..a suit like this, like mine wouldn’t be complete like this. it needs a final touch. the lipstick stains.” he explained carefully, his fingers gripped on the pen that was pointing at all the small details that you’ve missed whilst preparing before the show but could you blame yourself when you’re getting told to hurry up cause we don’t have all day? nope. your breath caught in your throat, silently cursing at yourself for forgetting such small thing that could love impacted the whole look and original design of the suit, the air between you crackling with an unspoken tension. “and how can we fix now?” you asked softly, trying to maintain your composure but finding it increasingly difficult with the way he was looking at you, there was a glint of mischief and hope in his eyes. he leaned even closer, his voice dropping to a hushed whisper. “you can kiss me..” your lips parted in surprise, but before you could respond, he continued, his words smooth and teasing. “not my lips, don’t get the wrong idea but this suit isn’t complete until it’s been kissed by someone special.” the playful glint in his eyes remained, and for a moment, you weren’t sure if he was joking or being serious. but the warmth in his gaze told you everything you needed to know. “jungwon…” you breathed his name, your pulse quickening as the reality of his words sank in. he gave a nonchalant shrug, as if he hadn’t just made your heart race with a simple suggestion that seemed innocent to him but to you…hell, this was something you have wished on doing but not in this profession! just as a normal human who was also his non-stylist girlfriend!. “eh…you can do the kissing on the lips part later but c’mon on, we don’t have all day and the show is about to start” he teased further. you couldn’t help but let out a breathy laugh, shaking your head at his casual boldness and letting your head hang low, not wanting to face him with your flushed cheeks. but there was no denying the way your body reacted to him—the flutter of butterflies in your stomach, the way your hands trembled slightly as you brushed them against your sides. you had been suppressing these feelings for far too long, and now they were bubbling to the surface in the most unexpected way, damn he’s a good flirt and a very natural one at that.

“alright fine…” you sighed defeatedly, your hand going to pick the same shade of the lipstick on the original design from one of the many vanity’s in front of you, jungwon stood still, smiling and staring at you from the reflection of the mirror as you applied the lipstick on the lips who he had wished and longed of kissing for so long. jungwon lowered himself down for you to be able to reach at his white collared shirt without a struggle since he was wearing heeled boots and made him more taller than his normal height, the blood began rushing to his cheeks as you leaned in to place a kiss on the collar, leaving the perfect lipstick stain behind and a very smiley jungwon who had gotten a whiff of the shampoo and your perfume that you were using. jungwon’s smile deepened, his voice filled with a confidence that made your knees weak. “you’ll be able to kiss me without this shirt in the way in the future.” you blinked at him, trying to process what he was saying, but his next words stopped your thoughts entirely. “how about this,” jungwon continued, his tone still casual yet laced with something much deeper. “after the show, you and I go out. I’ll take you somewhere nice. and if you’re still not all blushy mushy then you’ll be able to kiss me..on the lips this time, how does that sound?” you stared at him in shock, your mouth opening and closing as you tried to form a coherent response. did he just ask you out?..yes, but not in a traditional sense. it was more of a promise, wrapped in his easy charm and confidence. But underneath it, there was sincerity—a longing that mirrored your own. “jungwon, are you fucking serious?” you finally managed to ask, your voice barely above a whisper. jungwon gave a small nod, his gaze softening as he looked at you. “mhm, but i guess you’re too much of a chicken to do this so..” he smiled mischievously at you, leaning his head down to plant the most passionate kiss that you’ve ever been given. your heart pounded in your chest at the sudden contact of his lips, your eyes were blown wide open and you couldn’t even process and respond back to the kiss before he pulled away, his cheeks were more rosy coloured than before and his reddish lips looked plumper, a small string of saliva connecting both of your lips but he swatted it away with his hand. but there was something in the way he looked at you, something that told you this was the right step to take. and maybe, just maybe, you can finally come out of your coward state and actually go out with him, see what’s it all about being his girlfriend. “Well,” you said, trying to keep your voice steady as a small smile tugged at your lips, “I suppose we’ll have to see how the show goes then.” jungwon grinned, clearly pleased with your response. “I’m looking forward to the after show, being with you and of course…kissing you more.” with that, he straightened up, giving you one last lingering glance before heading toward the stage, leaving you standing there with your heart racing and a mix of anticipation and excitement swirling in your chest. as he disappeared behind the curtain, you couldn’t help but touch your lips, already imagining how the night might end. and maybe, just maybe, his suit wasn’t the only thing that needed that final kiss to feel complete.

@zvouyage. 24/plagiarism won't be tolerated on my page.

#enhypen x reader #enhypen fluff #enhypen imagines #enhypen jungwon #jungwon imagines #jungwon fluff #• zeynep’s delulu kingdom ྀིྀིྀིྀིྀི #• zeynep’s delulu kingdom’s menu ྀིྀིྀིྀིྀི #• zeynep’s delulu kingdom’s artworks ྀིྀིྀིྀིྀི #• enhypen ྀིྀིྀིྀིྀི!

328 notes · View notes

gguk-n · 3 months

Note

Can you please write second change romance with Lando where reader tells him "Love me. chose me. for once in your damned life, fight for me!"

Reader is working at sky sports as a journalist. I hope you like it. I hope I did it justice.

Track of the Heart

{Reader's POV}

I knew the world was a small place and some times you run into people you are actively trying to avoid. For me, that was Lando Norris.

We were both young and in love. He was my first serious adult relationship. I loved him deeply; if you asked drunk me, I'd probably say that I still love him. But that was the past. He broke up with me because his fans didn't like me. The hate had gotten to the point that I had stopped using my phone except to call or text my friends and family and Lando knew. I had told him through tears about all the mean things people said about me. Part of me hoped that he would tell them off for it but what I didn't expect was for him to disregard it and let it get so bad that even at races people would name call me, even in front of Lando and he would do nothing. It affected my health, my mental peace and my studies. So, I did what was best for me; walked away.

That was 3 years ago. Right now I was standing face to face with the man that broke my heart. I knew when I applied for a position at Sky Sports that I would run into Lando. Luckily, I had stayed clear of him for the year that I had interned there; by only going to cover other sports and minor leagues. Today, the team was short staffed, they needed someone to help make the scripts and organise the cue cards, so they brought along a couple new hires. I did everything in my power to evade the race because it would mean being stuck on an F1 venue for a whole weekend with my ex. My direct superior wouldn't listen to any of my crap, as he put it and told me to pack my stuff and to meet him at the venue.

So here I was, awkwardly standing, in front of the supposed love of my life. He looked shocked to see me before his eyes flickered to the Sky Sports entry pass, as if a switch flipped. He smiled and greeted; "You're finally a sports journalist, like you always wanted to be. Congratulations" he said while raising his hand to shake mine. Out of courtesy, I moved all the files in my hands to my left and shook his hand. "My colleagues were saying you had your maiden win this season, so Congratulations I guess." I retorted. I adjusted the files in my hands, almost dropping one, which Lando quickly caught with his hand. I thanked him and left to see the team with all my files.

{Lando's POV}

Her hands were still soft like I remembered them with a sweet tinge of vanilla, her favourite body lotion. She had coloured her hair recently and she looked so much more professional and put together then I remembered. I guess it comes with the job. Hearing her congratulate me felt like home even if it felt like it was laced with sarcasm, like the only thing that ever mattered. How did I even celebrate a race without her? She was still clumsy I thought as I caught the file she almost dropped. The weekend just got more eventful I thought as she walked away.

--------------------------------------------------------

{Reader's POV}

If there is one thing I will advice you is that don't be a hard worker especially in a situation if it will land you working with your ex for the whole year. One of the members from the F1 team went on maternity leave and she spoke so highly of me that I ended up working on the races till she returned. Now to my horror, all the fans still remembered me. Even after 3 years, they did not hesitate to start up rumours about me and Lando being together and that we never really broke up and it was all a publicity stunt. I had to speak to my bosses to let them know that all of that was in the past and that I wasn't dating him anymore; they didn't care unless it affected my work.

Working at the paddock wasn't easy and Lando didn't make it any easier. He acted like a menace before and after interviews especially if I was around. Sometimes I wanted to strangle him.

{Lando's POV}

Being around her reminded me why I had fallen in love with her in the first place. She brought the idiotic side of me out. "Mate, you need to stop annoying Y/N. She'll strangle you one day." Carlos said while they were on the drivers parade. "She wouldn't. There's a reason she's tolerating me." I said. "Yeah, sky sports pays her to do her job." Carlos laughed. Part of me wanted to believe that she tolerated me because she still loved. But I knew that was selfish of me, since the reason we broke up lay heavily on me.

This made me want to be closer to her. I guess proximity made the heart softer. I found myself bringing her snacks or treats during her long days. Slowly but surely I found myself back in her arms. We didn't out right say it, but we were dating each other. She made the weekends even more enjoyable. It was exhilarating to be running around trying not to get caught; until we did get caught. It was like a switch flipped inside her and she stopped seeing me.

{Reader's POV}

The gifts and the sneaking away and having someone care for me got to me. Before I knew it I was back in Lando's arms. I knew getting back together with Lando was a bad idea. All my suspicions were confirmed when a picture of us leaving together from a club in Las Vegas made rounds. The hate was worse then before; it's like they forgot there was a person behind it all. I couldn't even shut off social media because of my work. I didn't want to be seen with him anymore; I was going to stop reporting for F1 and live my life covering other sports. Hopefully they didn't find me there. Lando was still persistent even after I had stopped talking to him and cut him off.

"Babe, you gotta stop running away from me." Lando spoke cornering me, out of breath from the running. "I have work to do, if you'll excuse me Mr Norris." I said. "Since, when was I Mr Norris?" He questioned. "Since a while, I never should've gotten back with you." I declared. "You don't mean that." Lando stammered. "Actually I do." saying that broke my heart because deep down I loved him but it didn't feel like he loved me. "But I love you. Don't you love me?" he asked. "It doesn't matter what I feel, when you'll never reciprocate it." I pointed out. "What do you mean?" he pleaded. "Lando, the exact reason we broke up was because you couldn't stick up for me. I knew you and yet I got myself involved in this." I sighed. "But, baby I need you." he voiced. I laughed, there were tears in my eyes, "Not enough to stick up for me." "What's gotten into you?" Lando probed. "Nothing's gotten into me, I should've stayed away from you. Your fans hate me, they always have. They want me fired; did you know that?" I asked. Lando was at a loss for words.

"You know when we broke up I wanted you to want me. But you love your fans more." I commented. "It's not like that I love you more, I missed you a lot after we broke up." he said. "Not enough to clear the air anyways." I voiced out. "What do you want me to do?" Lando asked trying to reach for my hands. "Love me, choose me. For once in your damned life, fight for me. If you really want me you'll do something, or you can watch me walk away for the second time." I stated while turning on my heels and leaving.

I did not expect Lando to do what he did next. He made a statement on every social media account of his, even Quadrants; it read-

Hi guys, Lando here. I would like to let you all know that I love Y/N Y/L/N who is currently working for Sky Sports F1. We used to date a few years ago but we broke up because of my foolishness. Fate gave me another chance and I don't want to blow it. If any of you have any issue with her, keep it to yourself. Because she is here to stay for as long as she will have me. Kindly refrain from sending her any hate if you love and support me. If you do send hate, I will be forced to take legal action to protect the love of my life.

I was sat in shock reading the statement. I can already imagine the train wreck McLaren PR must be in. I was pulled out of my thoughts by a knock on my door. I opened it to find a sweaty Lando with a big bouquet of flowers, chocolates and a couple gift bags. "I know this isn't a lot, but this is a start. Let me apologise. I'm sorry for all the hurt I caused you. Please take me back." he said with tears in his eyes. I wrapped my arms around his neck. "I love you too Lando Norris." I declared. Lando dropped all the stuff on the ground and wrapped his arms around me. "I won't let you down, I promise." he said. "I'll hold you to it." I said. "You can hold it against me for the rest of our lives." he told. "I don't think you want me that long." I laughed. He broke our embrace to cup my cheeks, "I'll have you as long as you'll let me stay." and pressed a kiss against my lips. "I think I'll like to have you inside for now." I said while pulling him in and closing the door.

228 notes · View notes

oo-delallymrcrow · 4 months

Text

Makeup Trailer

A/N: I have a cooper howard smut ideaa, could you write something where the reader is his makeup artist on a new movie hes working. Theres an Automatic connection they really click and have some sweet sexual tension and after working together for a while during the movie the tension keeps growing growing and they get steamy in the makeup trailer. Oh oh also could i request this to be in 2nd person if possible ty ty love ur writing ride a cowboy was sooooo good!!!

I hope this was what you wanted! Sorry it took me awhile, it's hard to focus sometimes and between work and life I tried so hard to make this good 😅

18+ no minors

As you headed toward the makeup trailer, a modest space but packed with all the essentials to turn actors into their on-screen personal. As she stepped inside, she was greeted by the familiar scent of makeup and hairspray. The trailer was quiet, a stark contrast to the chaos outside.

You arrived on the bustling movie set early, the morning sun barely cresting over the horizon. The set was already alive with activity, crew members scurrying around, cameras and lights being adjusted. This was a major production. Despite the pressure, you felt a surge of excitement. This was what you loved—transforming someone else, bringing a character to life.

You turned on the radio and let the soft melodies fill the air as you got to work, organizing and preparing to get ready. The door to the trailer opened and in walked Cooper Howard. He was an attractive and talented man; its what made you take the job as you always enjoyed watching his movies.

You smiled from behind the makeup chair, “good morning, Mr. Howard.”

"Morning, Y/N," he replied, flashing you a charming smile.

"Ready to become someone else?" You asked with amusement.

"Always," Cooper said, settling into the chair.

As you began your work, there was an immediate connection between you two, an almost electric chemistry. Talking about everything—movies, books, life experiences. The conversation flowed effortlessly, punctuated by moments of shared laughter.

The next few days turned into weeks and your bond only grew stronger. Yet with your bond there was a palpable tension. You were finding yourself thinking about Cooper more and more, distracted by his presence even when he wasn't around. You would sometimes pause, your fingers lingering just a bit longer on his skin, your gaze softening when your eyes met.

One particularly long day of shooting had left everyone exhausted. Cooper returned to the makeup trailer for some touch-ups, finding you waiting for him. The usual banter was absent, replaced by charged silence. You worked methodically, your hands gentle but deliberate.

During those moments it was so hard to not take action. Leaning in close to make sure no extra powder was on his face. You could smell the cinnamon gum he chewed on in-between takes. One time you were embarrassed when helping another makeup artist perfect her work. You leaned over to point out a few touch ups when you realized you had practically put your boobs in Cooper's face. You quickly stood up and walked around to help, realizing it was quite hot in the trailer. When you returned back to Cooper, you apologized for earlier.

"Not a problem, darlin," he replied in a low voice. You could see a glint of interest in his eyes but brushed it off as you thought it was unprofessional.

A day later when you were returning back to the trailer after lunch, an assistant was walking past with a cable. You didn't see it was unraveled before tripping on it. You weren't expecting an arm to snap out and pull you against a warm body. You looked up to see Cooper glaring at the assistant before running to you. His face softening as he brought a hand up to brush away a few stray hairs.

"You alright darlin'?"

You gulped before smiling, "yes Cooper. You saves me."

His grin got wide as he tipped his hat to you. "It's no problem, darlin'. I'd happily save you anytime."

You giggled before looking over and seeing people watching you two. You cleared your throat before stepping back. You brushed your hands down your dress before saying a quick 'thank you', turning to walk away.

"Hey," he called out before grabbing your wrist. "How does a cowboy go about getting a proper thank you?"

You turned and felt your face go red before quickly standing on tip toes to press a kiss to his cheek. As you pulled back you saw his mouth part and his eyes darken a bit before giving you another smile.

"Is that all?"

"I'll have to properly thank you another time Cooper," you purred before walking away. You quickly walked to your makeup trailer with your cheeks burning.

When you walked into the trailer you couldn't help the squeal that escaped as you fanned yourself. You couldn't believe you just did that. And promising to thank him another time, you knew this was going to be an interesting week.

You chewed at the bottom of your lip as you removed some makeup that smudged. You weren't use to the silence from Cooper as the radio kept playing a melody.

“Cooper, you’ve been quiet today,” you finally said, your voice barely above a whisper.

He looked at you, seeing the concern etched in your features.

“Just thinking,” he replied, his voice huskier than usual.

“About what?” you asked, meeting his gaze in the mirror.

“About you,” he admitted, the words slipping out before he could stop them.

Y/N's hand froze mid-motion, your eyes widening slightly.

“Cooper…”

He stood up abruptly, turning to face you. The space felt too small, the air thick with unspoken words.

“Y/N, I can’t stop thinking about you,” he confessed, stepping closer.

“I feel this connection, this pull. And it’s driving me crazy.”

Your breath hitched, and for a moment, you watched as his face slightly fell, fearing that he misread everything. But you stepped towards him, closing the distance. Bringing your hand up to touch his cheek, turning him to face you again.

“I feel it too,” you whispered.

That was all the encouragement he needed. He cupped your face in his hands, his thumb brushing lightly over your cheek.

“Y/N,” he breathed, and then his lips were on yours.

The kiss was soft at first, tentative, as if you were both testing the waters. But then it deepened, filled with all the unspoken emotions and tension that had been building between them. Your hands slid to his chest, clutching his shirt as if afraid he might disappear.

When you finally broke apart, you were both breathless. His eyes were bright, his cheeks flushed.

“Wow,” you said, a shy smile playing on your lips.

“Yeah,” Cooper agreed, his own smile mirroring yours, “wow.”

The world outside the trailer continued in its frenetic pace, but for that moment, it was just the two of you. The energy drew you closer to him with a fire lighting inside of you. Cooper must have seen it or felt the same way as he pulled you into a passionate kiss. You gladly opened your mouth to him as he deepened the kiss.

You were leaning against him and the lack of air must have made him dizzy because he suddenly stepped back into the counter that you placed your makeup on. It made everything jolt and roll off or roll over onto the floor; but it didn't both either of you as he tangled his hand into your hair. You moaned lowly as he tugged at your strands before you pulled away panting. His eyes were ablazed as you slowly knelt in front of him. You gave him a wide grin as you rub his budlge in his jeans. He groaned and dropped his head back as you fiddled with his belt buckle.

“Can I have a taste Coop?”

“Yes,” he rasped as you unbuckled his belt. You decided to tease the man as you slowly unbuttoned and slid the zipper down. You pulled his pants and boxers down as his cock sprang up. You ran a finger from the slit in the head down his cock, following along a vein, until the base. You gazed up at him through your lashes and saw he was already staring down at you. His chest was heaving in pants as he gritted his teeth.

You held eye contact as you gave a little lick to his head. Jumping a little as his fist connected with the top of the counter.

“Darlin’,” he growled between his teeth. “You keep that up and I'm gonna have to spank you for teasin’.”

You giggled as you wrapped a hand around his base and licked up the vein before taking him into your mouth. He groaned before placing one hand on the back of your head and stroked your hair in encouragement. You hummed as you took down as far as you could before pulling back to stroke his cock.

As you moved your hand up and down, you can tell it will be a bit of a stretch if you decide to fuck him. With that thought you could feel how wet you were getting with each stroke and each noise that leaves Cooper's mouth. You lick at his slit, tasting his cum before putting him back on your mouth.

“Fuck darlin’,” he stopped petting your hair to storke down your cheek, rubbing his thumb along your cheekbone. You heard a whine come from him as he barley thrusts into your mouth.

“Look up at me darling girl. I want to watch as you swallow my cum.”

Your eyes fluttered open to stare into his eyes. You could see his shoulders relaxed as you did and his mouth drops open with moan. You place your hands down on your lap and open your mouth wider as he takes over. His hands tangle in your hair and starts panting as he thrusts into your mouth.

You try so hard to keep your eyes open as one of your hands pulls up your skirt and shove your panties to the side to rub at your clit. His eyes moved down to see what she was doing and throws his head back before starting to ramble.

“Fuck Y/N, you're enjoying this? God you're so perfect for me. Sucking my cock like you were made for it. You're such a good girl. I'm gonna cum soon. You want it in your mouth?”

At his last question, his head snaps back down to catch your eyes as you whine and try to give a nod. He groans as thrusts into your mouth again to cum down your throat. You gag a bit at the last thrust before swallowing his cum down. As he pulls away you stick your tongue to show you swallowed it down as he grins.

“Good girl. Now get up here.”

He helps you stand on shaky legs, not use to being in that position for so long. He pulled you into a kiss as one hand squeezed your breast. You moaned as he pushed you down to sit on the makeup chair. You took in a shaky breath as he got on his knees. He grinned as you pushed your hips up to pull your panties off. He pulled them off and placed your legs on his shoulders before diving down to lick up your slit. You cried out with your head throwing back as he sucked your clit into his mouth.

Your body slid down as you reached up to grab the headrest and tangle your fingers into his hair. You give a tug and he moans against you. The vibrations made you moan out his name. He suddenly pulled away as you whined pitifully at the loss, before he pulled you into a kiss.

“I'm sorry darlin’ but I have to have you,” he kissed down your neck. He pulled you up before settling into the chair. He had you facing the mirror as he pulled you back into him. You leaned back into him as he grabbed your hips. You laid your head on his shoulder as he teased his cock against your opening. He used your slick to lube up his cock before pushing into you. You hid your face into his neck as you gasped and clawed at the chair arms. He felt too big and didnt think he was going to fit all the way. He moaned as you squeezed around him and shifted around to get comfortable.

“Here baby sit up.” His chest rumbled against your back as he spoke. He helped you sit up properly, your skirt bunched up around your waist. You looked up in front of you in the mirror and couldn't believe how wrecked you looked. Your face was flushed with wide eyes and lipstick smeared. Cooper sat up and you watched him as he took in the both of you.

“A perfect picture, don't you think?”

He smiled as you nodded along before wrapping an arm around your waist. You placed your hands on the chair arms again as lifted yourself up before dropping down. His eyes snapped shut and mouth open in a low moan as you repeated the motion. His other hand pushed your shirt up and bra down to expose your breasts. He pinched your nipple before letting go to rub his thumb against it.

You cried out and shifted your hips until it hit the spot that made you almost fall forward. He held onto you as he moved his legs wider and pushed up into you. You couldn't help the sob that fell out as you rolled your hips and just let him take over. The arm around your waist moved so his hand could come down and rub at your clit.

“Baby I want you to open your eyes.”

You didn't realize you had shut them until you saw how he positioned you to see his cock disappearing inside of you. You could see how easy he was moving from how wet you were. You could see how it was running down his thighs and squeezed around him again. He pinched at your clit and it made you start to shake.

“Cooper,” you whined out. Your legs were getting tense and toes curling. You could feel yourself start to titter into an orgasm as he pinched and pulled your nipple.

“Come on darlin'. You can come for me. I want to go home and be able to smell you on me.”

The way he was moving and the dirty talk helped push you over the edge. You sobbed as your whole body shook and scratched at the armchair. He pulled you back against him as he kissed your neck. He kept fucking up into you making your orgasm feel like it was lasting forever. As the orgasm ebbed away you registered that you were repeating Cooper's name, almost like a prayer on your lips. The man whispered your name into your neck before his hips stuttered. You let out a low hum before turning your head to bring him into a kiss.

“I want you to cum inside of me Cooper, please?” You purred against him and brought your hand up to tug at his hair.

He looked at you like you just hung the stars in the sky before he came with a low groan of your name. You pulled him into a kiss as his hips jerked and slammed into you for a final time. It was a while before either one of you moved, taking your time to relax and take in one another. You slowly stood to not make either of you uncomfortable as you felt everything start to leak out. You grabbed a few rags to clean up the mess between your legs, straightening out your skirt and fixing your bra and shirt back. He just pulled up his boxers and pants as he then pulled you to him. You sat back into his lap as he relaxed back into the chair, holding you close.

You closed your eyes as the exhaustion of the day caught up to you. You felt his hand brush through your hair before clearing his throat.

“How about we go back to my trailer to sleep. I think we both need it.”

You slowly nodded as your brain caught up to his words. “Yes I think we do. Then you can take me out to dinner sometime.”

He heard him chuckle before helping stand again, “yeah. How’s tomorrow night sound?”

You smiled as you yawned and followed him out to walk to his trailer, “sounds perfect.”

Taglist: @danveration

#cooper howard #cooper howard x reader #cooper howard x you #fallout #anon ask

178 notes · View notes

flippinpancakes64 · 3 months

Text

How the Cullens would react to you being a newborn

*Note* This is my first ever post please be nice :(

Edward:

Super supportive

Is so so patient

Will teach you everything he knows about self control and how to best curb your hunger

Will go hunting with you every day if that's what you want

He doesn't care if you're dangerous he wants a hug so he's getting a hug

Protective x100

If Jasper still has trouble trusting you after you've mostly gotten yourself under control he will be right there telling him to back off

10/10 would let him turn me into a newborn

Alice:

Again, supportive x100

She deals with Jasper on the daily, she knows how to help with cravings and sporadic behavior

Can easily stop you from things you shouldn't do because she can see them in the future

Would go hunting with you

Would lose her patience after a while if you keep tearing the clothes she buys you tho

(Not actually she'd just be a little frustrated :) )

Would also come to your defense if Jasper or anyone else doubts that you have yourself under control

"I can literally see the future it's fine-"

Jasper:

The worst of them all probably-

He's very tough to get to in the first place

He has a dark past, most of his trauma is from Newborns

He doesn't trust you for a really long time

Super skeptical, will follow your every move ready to hold you down

He's just trying to protect his family tho

You're gonna have to be on your best behavior if you ever want him to trust you again

He'll come around eventually though with the help of his family to show him that you're adjusting well

After he's certain you're no longer a threat he will feel so bad

Cuddles x100

He's just a big softie who loves his family behind those scary eyes

Rosalie:

Ok I lied she might be the worst actually-

If you did this to yourself or had another one of the Cullens turn you chances are she's never gonna talk to you again (sorry)

I mean we all know that she hated Bella's guts until she got pregnant with Renesmee

But if you got turned by accident or by a rogue vampire attack?

Supportive x200

Mama Bear mode activated fr

She remembers what it was like all too well

The pain, the confusion, the anger, the hatred

You couldn't do a single thing wrong in her eyes

You accidentally attacked a hiker? It happens to the best of us

You broke one of the super expensive cars by closing the door too hard? It's ok Carlisle can buy a new one

Can and will defend you if anyone says you're not ready yet

Emmett:

Kinda chill tbh

Obviously since he's the strongest he's with you most of the time to hold you back if need-be

But he's more interested in making bets against anyone who will bet with him

"I smell an elk up ahead, I bet I'll get to it before they can"

"I bet I'll win in an arm wrestling contest"

"I bet they'll scream at Edward for playing that piano too loud"

Mostly is just a good supporter

He's really observant though and is a good judge on if you're ready to be alone yet or not

Esme:

Supportive x100

She hates seeing anyone in pain and you are no exception

Will give you all the tips and tricks she can think of

How to control your cravings, the best animals to hunt, the best places to go to just scream and let it all out

She's got you covered

Wouldn't be that strong of an advocate towards you being ready tho-

She acknowledges that she is not very well versed in this field and will accept Carlisle's or Jasper's judgements very seriously

She will do her best to help you though

Carlisle:

The man for the job fr

He has raised four different newborns that he created mostly all by himself

He knows exactly what to do

How to best help you, how to make sure you feel the least pain possible, how to speed up your process

Literally anything

He's very open to answer any questions you have

If you were dying and he did this to save you he'd be perfectly okay with you wanting nothing to do with him

He understands

It will take a while to fully convince him that you are in control of your urges, but one he's convinced he is on your side 100%

Vampire! Bella:

Definitely the most sympathetic

She was the most recent change, she remembers it the most

Even though she did have her self-control on her side, she still remembers how difficult it was

Will stand by your side no matter what

She's not scared of you or what you could do

To her you're still you

Will do her best to help you with anything you need

Does her best to help give you distractions if there are people nearby

Once she believes you're ready, she will not take no for an answer

She's stubborn

Very good support tho 10/10

175 notes · View notes

stellarbit · 6 months

Text

Tech's Calculations

This edges on NSFW, but only slightly. Lots of tension though 1.5k words

You and Tech find yourselves alone on the Marauder. Little do you know Tech has been playing you like a fiddle.

I'm fixated on these men and probably going to be popping out little drabbles while I crawl out of my skin waiting for a new episode. Tech is my main man so he gets the first spotlight. Enjoyyyy

After the Batchers made a jealous fuss about your ties with the 501st legion, you honestly didn’t expect much to change. At most you’d continue to gradually get closer.

That was not the case.

Whatever illusion you had of their physical boundaries vanished within a rotation. How you overlooked their constant intrusion of each other’s personal space, you’d never know. Wrecker tended towards ‘love taps,’ if you could even call them that with how hard he hit. Hunter started herding you around with his hands whenever he deemed necessary. Crosshair maintained the most distance, but his getting in your space for teasing snide remarks was on the rise. Out of all of them, Echo changed the least.

You knew Echo the longest, credited to your shared history with the 501st, and were the most at ease with. He felt more brotherly than the others and made a habit of being the one to tend your wounds or adjust armor you couldn’t reach.

The most changed with Tech. At least on your part. His straightforward approach to things had him moving on impulse. He always pushed you out of the way or reached over you to grab something or make adjustments, his focus more on the task at hand than personal space. On occasion he fully leaned over you, hand on one shoulder and draped over your other to move for you. It happened once when you failed to activate a safety device while piloting. Another time as you were tweaking your blaster in an ‘ill advised and inefficient manner’ as Tech put it. And, most often, as you played dejarik.

Generally, you managed to keep your cool when the boys got in your space. It proved more difficult with Tech. With his observational skills it didn’t go unnoticed.

Tech noticed changes. He was fixated from your initial, and colorful, reaction to his touch. He found himself instigating you, seeing what interactions elicited what physical reactions to you. While reaching over you to activate the Marauder’s safety device, he purposely pressed into you to see your behavioral and physiological reactions up close.

Tech took note of the absent blush, the momentary hitch in your breathing, and, most interestingly, the way your legs squeezed together. Each time, he found himself struggling to suppress the urge to use his hands to provoke even more reactions, torn between his growing attraction and his analytical restraint.

Between missions, and especially when you were bunked directly across from him in the Marauder, he found himself replaying those little moments and wondering what was next to test.

The perfect opportunity came when a section of your armor’s thigh plate cracked off. Echo, Hunter, and Wrecker were off ship wrapping up your current mission. Leaving you and Tech to prep Marauder and prepare for any emergency pick ups.

Your thigh plate wasn’t just chipped; it had bent inwards and stubbornly refused release. As someone who had taken to armor begrudgingly after joining the Batch, you despised every moment spent in it. Being a Jedi trained in cloth, the weight and restriction of armor grated on your nerves.

“Dank farik!” You hissed as you lost purchase on the thigh plate once more.

Echo was nowhere to assist, allowing Tech his chance.

“At the angle it is bent, the anchoring device will need to be disassembled in order to remove your plate,” he stated matter-of-factly, wasting no time in gathering the necessary tools for the job. “An easy and swift task for me.” From the corner of his eye he caught you defeatedly drop your head

Perched on the lowest cot, you sat with your elbows resting on your knees, leaving just enough space for Tech to maneuver between them. As he slid into the gap, your legs instinctively attempted to close, inadvertently squeezing around Tech's torso. You let out a nervous laugh, "Didn’t mean to crush you there, sorry."

Recognizing the need for caution, Tech responded calmly, "Your thighs are not capable of exerting enough force to crush me. I am fine." He met your gaze, his expression conveying both reassurance and a hint of uncertainty. "Close contact is necessary for me to access the anchoring device. Please inform me if you feel uncomfortable, and I will cease immediately." Despite his eagerness to proceed, Tech prioritized your comfort above all else, silently hoping for your consent to continue.

You blinked at him once, then twice, before closing your eyes and letting your head fall back. “Do what you need to do. Just get this thing off of me.” Your nonchalant response took Tech by surprise, unexpected based on your previous reactions to him.

With your eyes still closed, you leaned back against the cot, almost as if basking in the sun. Tech cautiously slid his gloved hand up your thigh plate, keenly observing for any sign of discomfort or hesitation from you. His thumb grazed your inner thigh, a touch that unexpectedly jolted you back to attention. Tech quickly averted his gaze back to the task at hand, pretending not to notice your reaction.

Pressing his thumb into your thigh to gain better access to the jammed anchor, Tech meticulously worked on dismantling the piece. As his thumb smoothed over your thigh, gradually moving higher, you couldn't help but twitch involuntarily. Sensing your reaction, Tech glanced up, adjusting his thumb ever so slightly. “Are you alright?” he inquired, noting the pink splotches creeping up your throat.

You sat up a little more, really looking at Tech and taking in the sight of him between your legs. Between your legs with a finger inches from the apex of your thighs. Watching a second longer, a thought occurred to you. He knows exactly what he’s doing and he’s doing it on purpose.

Deciding to play along, you flashed him a reassuring smile. “Sure am.” You hummed, spreading your legs slightly wider. “All yours, Tech.” He didn’t continue immediately, but kept his eyes on you. You pushed a little more. “Unless you’re stuck on what to do next.”

Tech didn’t break eye contact as he lowered the spanner and pressed his thumb into your thigh once more. His action elicited a new reaction from you—you bit your lip. “I apologize if that is sensitive,” Tech said, his voice laced with more amusement than usual, as he continued his work.

Tech's gaze remained fixated on you, carefully noting every detail of the interaction. With a calculated ease, he maneuvered his hand between your thigh and the armor, deftly releasing the plate. As his hand flattened against your leg, he proceeded methodically, sliding his hand down inch by inch to slide the thigh plate off.

Even after the task was completed, Tech lingered, his hands remaining in place. There was a brief pause between you two until you brought your legs back together to close in on him.

"Is this how Echo typically removes your armor?" Tech inquired in a low breath.

You managed a breathy, "No."

In response, Tech adjusted his grip, his lower hand now circling to the back of your thigh while the other lightly gripped your inner thigh. A shiver ran through you, accompanied by a soft sound escaping your lips.

"Is this how you typically react to Echo touching you?" Tech's asked more confidently than before..

You leaned in closer, meeting his gaze. "What is your hypothesis?"

"I haven't observed you and Echo in such a position," Tech admitted. "Thus, I don't have enough factual data to accurately hypothesize. But my hope is that no, you do not. I think I'd like to be the only one you react to in this way."

An ache bloomed between your legs, just above his fingers. Your hips rock forward just enough that his teasing touch brushed onto your aching bits.

“Tech,” Hunter’s voice broke the silence but still neither of you moved. Tech’s hand remained in place. “Is the ship ready to go? We are inbound and ready to get off this force forsaken planet.

Before Tech moved his hand, you leaned forward to activate the comm for him and bring your face within inches of his.

“Everything is in order.” A subtle crack in Tech’s usually composed demeanor was evident as he responded, “Ready when you are.”

You released the comm at the same time Tech pressed his hand into you and you hissed at the sweet pressure. His eyes widened slightly and in an awe struck voice he said, “Fascinating.” With that he pulled away and stood, leaving you aching even more.

“It would not be ideal to be discovered in this position.” He extended a hand to help you stand. “Although, I look forward to finding myself in such a position in the near future.”

You accepted his hand, but as he assisted you to your feet, you couldn't resist pulling him closer. “All this time, I thought you were oblivious.”

Tech rolled his eyes, a hint of amusement dancing through them. “Obliviousness is not a characteristic I possess,” he countered, his gaze unwavering. “Every action I take is deliberate.”

“Noted.” You reached up and quickly pinched his cheek. “For the record, I too look forward to finding you in such a position in the near future.”

#star wars #tbb #tbb tech #the bad batch #bad batch #tech x reader #tech #the bad batch x reader #if tech doesn't come back I'm going to lose my ever loving shit

350 notes · View notes

rosazoldyckk · 2 years

Text

𐬾𐬽Life with the Zoldyck family HC’s𐬾𐬽

Pairing: Yandere!Illumi X Kidnapped!Reader. Fandom: Hunter X Hunter. Genre: fluff?? Idk tbh. TW’s: mentioning of kidnapping, manipulation, violence and possessive nature. And Illumi.

Disclaimer: I posted this on my last tumblr account but it got deleted and I can’t get it back. So it will be posted here😅 this post got a lot of attention on my last account so if this post is recognised from anyone then I want to say this hasn’t been stolen and is my original work <3

684 words

Living with the Zoldyck family is scary..... and strange.

There was fear and the constant paranoia that you were going to die—either in the hands of Illumi himself or a member of his family, you didn't know which.

However, you have nothing to fear, Illumi, in his weird and creepy way, always finds a way to reassure you that as long as you love him (and only him) you have nothing to worry about!

Of course, it takes sometime to get used to the sinister and grim place—along with the unerving, and dark, humor some of the family members have. *cough* Milluki *cough*

Illumi, as well as the rest of the Zoldyck family, are well prepared to deal with your timid and skittish personality.

Anything assassin related is kept to a low (demanded by Illumi) and you won't be exposed to any Nen until he feels as though you won't faint at the sight.

Surprisly, Illumi isn't as mean or harsh to you...but don't let that fool you. He is, without a doubt, a manipulator. The dark male could go two ways on how he treats you as you adjust to your new life.

Be submissive and accepting your fate will earn you more freedom (ie allowing you to accompany him and his family to social gatherings and being shown to the public. Heck, you might even be allowed to come along and watch him do is job, fun right?).

Be difficult and distant...he will have his fun breaking you. You will be chained to him (literally) with no free will whatsoever.

If you need to pee, he has to permit it. Oh? You're hungry? That's too bad! He's stuffed from dinner (in which you had to watch). Exhausted, my dear? Maybe you shouldn't have been a brat and you could sleep.

It depends on how you take it, but, eventually, you will start to love the male and he will bask in it.

Silvia and Zeno absolutely adore you. Zeno finding your "love story" with Illumi to be romantic as their parents and Silvia being glad that his eldest son has found a 'submissive' keeper. (Not like Illumi will ever let you go)

Kikyo however is pretty hard to get along with but she'll never seem to understand that. If she considers you an outsider still, then she is very cold and standoffish.

She'll even go as far as to try to chase you away with physical and verbal attacks. (Until Silvia intervenes at least)

It will become worse if she decides to treat you like family, she is very possessive of her children. So once she considers you good luck, contrats you have one protective and doting fan.

She will be a bit borderline creepy but hey that just means she likes you

Other than that, You get along with almost everyone in the house

almost everyone.

Milluki has a problem with you.

Whether it's because he doesn't find you worthy of the Zoldycks' name or because he can't stand how caring and soft looking you are.

Maybe, it's because he has his own crush on you?

Or perhaps he's upset because he can't play with the new toy? Either way, he finds you a useless nuisance and will make things difficult for you to adjust.

Mulling over the idea of Milluki having a crush on you, I can see him being a bit of a voyeur.

Watching you and Illumi when you both indulge in sexual activities and sneaking peeks at you as you bath or sleep.

He's jealous of his older brother and will eventually challenge him to a fight over you (of course that only happens when he manages to get close to you, which once again will be impossible).

(And lets be honest would he really win against Illumi? I doubt it. But I bet it would be funny to see him fight haha)

All in all, living with the Zoldyck family is without a doubt overbearing and scary. But, be a good girl/boy and play along with Illumi and all will go smoothly. You will gain the families upmost respect and be treated like a member, and Illumi will treat you with the highest respect.

But be difficult and refuse to comply will only lead you with heartache and misery. Illumi won't hesitate to stick a couple needles into your head until you behave.

1K notes · View notes

finniestoncrane · 2 months

Text

2.5k Event Request - Arkham!Two Face x Fem!Reader word count: 750 a/n: oh what i would not give to sit down on harvey's lap and adjust myself around him, it might cure me cw: semi-public sex, covert sex in front of others, piv, kinda cockwarming 🔞minors dni🔞 • masterlist • kofi link • tag: finnie2.5k (to follow or to block)

You shuffled yourself on Harvey's lap, finding your balance as his hands curved around your hips and smoothed over your skirt, flattening the fabric against your sides and your thighs. Every movement you made had it riding up, threatening to expose you, and him, as he spoke to his staff.

In front of his desk, four men stood listening to his instructions, Harvey laying out their tasks for the evening, the plans for the heist, one simple enough that he wouldn't have to along. He was far too busy, with you obviously. And his men nodded, understanding, concentrating, taking everything in as they stood nervously in front of him.

Behind the desk, you were seated on his lap, legs on either side of his thighs. To most people, it would have seemed like a statement, of putting his love and affection on display, of showing you off. It could be read as a weakness, one that he didn't care about, letting everyone know how deeply he adored you, that he needed you with him, next to him, on him, at any given moment.

In truth, it was a game. A dirty little secret. One he enjoyed pushing you to the edge with.

You had to keep quiet, his status depended on him being taken seriously.

So you couldn't make a noise, not even as his cock twitched inside of you. His thick, stiff length throbbing against your walls as he subtly shifted his hips, wiggling you around, caressing the sides of your cunt as his fingers traced over the skin of your thighs.

No one knew. No one could see. You hoped no one could tell. But you understood the excitement that Harvey found in peeling off your panties just before calling his men through the door, pressing them to his face as he inhaled, then stuffing them into the front pocket of his suit jacket, a little bit of the fabric, lacy or silk or frilled, poking out as a hint to your secretive, but very public, activities.

"Where do you want us to go afterwards, boss? The safe house is still filled with the trucks from last night's take. We ain't been able to unload it yet."

"Fuck."

Harvey's whole body reacted to the news, the jam that meant he'd have to rethink everything. You let out a whimper as he moved, jutting his hips up, the tip of his cock deeper in you than before, thudding into your g-spot with little care. Luckily, you had bit down on your lip, stifling some of the sound. But not enough that it was entirely unnoticeable. As the men in the room began to look at the floor, uncertain of what they'd heard and desperately trying to pretend they hadn't heard anything at all, Harvey saved everyone the embarrassment and told them to leave.

But as relief set in for you, he spoke once more.

"Don't go anywhere though. Stay right outside that door. I just have to do some thinking... clear my head. Then I'll tell you what we're gonna do."

They got to leave, but you didn't. And neither would you have wanted to. It was your job, not to sit there and look pretty, but to give him something to squeeze, to hold, to take his stress out on.

From behind you, fingers trailing along your neck, Harvey's hand found your cheek, his thumb catching your bottom lip and pulling it down, a low growl emanating from his throat when you whined, a pleading mewl for him to keep going. Finally, after an hour of sitting on his lap, his cock soaking inside you as your arousal spread over his pants, he was finally giving you a little more.

Leaning your head back, he caught you in a clumsy kiss, his lips only reaching the corner of your mouth, tongue prodding out either way to lap at your skin, his free hand gripping your waist as he began to roll his hips and arch his back, pushing his cock into you.

As the friction of his length stroking against your walls soothed him, Harvey started to grunt, aggressive sounds harmonising with the soft moans and words of praise he spoke to you, all of them softening, silenced as your fingers fell onto his lips.

“Harvey… they’re just outside. They’ll hear…”

“As if they didn’t know anyway.”

You were sure they hadn’t, but it was impossible to argue with him. Especially when you were unable to form any words other than ‘please’ and ‘more’.

#batman #batman rogues #rogues gallery #harvey dent #two face #two face fanfic #finnie writes #arkham!two face #two face x reader #harvey dent x reader #x reader #finnie2.5k

94 notes · View notes

apathetic-revenant · 2 months

Text

uh...hi?

[head pokes around corner]

so...

I've been back to scrolling around on tumblr for a bit now, and have been really wanting to get back to actually, y'know. being here. posting. not just sort of hanging here invisibly like a mournful ghost, observing but never interacting. that sort of thing. (revenants, after all, are supposed to be corporeal undead.)

but I really wanted to explain why I just kind of abruptly vanished in the first place. no one demanded this of me, but it felt like something I had to do. and then, in the typical way of self-imposed obstacles, it became a massive stumbling block. partly because of the nerves and emotions attached to it, sure, but mostly, tbh, because it was a Task. I recently (about 3 weeks ago now?) started seeing a new psychiatrist and got an adjustment to my ADHD meds which basically made my brain boot up again for the first time in way too long. this is great! but it means I am having to kind of slowly rehab my brain into getting used to doing Literally Anything again, one small step at a time. I am not being hyperbolic when I say I had to gradually build up my executive functioning for a while just to be able to write a tumblr post.

but fuck it! I really wanted to just do this already. so, while I'm sure I'll talk about all this in more detail later, for right now I'm gonna strip this down to the bare essentials just so I can get it done at all.

here's what happened:

in 2020 I had a sudden onset of extremely severe OCD.

no, not about the pandemic, actually. yeah I was anxious about the pandemic but it was a pretty normal level of anxiety for a global pandemic, honestly. my OCD took the form of scrupulosity--essentially, an obsessive worry about being a bad person.

tumblr is....not a GREAT place to be if you have a sudden obsessive fear of being a bad person.

now, to be clear: tumblr did not CAUSE my OCD, and leaving tumblr did not cure it. that's just not how OCD works. later on, I learned that atypical antipsychotics--one of which I had been prescribed around that time, for depression--have been known to cause OCD. is there any way to prove that that's what happened? probably not, at this point! so I've just been kind of sitting with that terrible knowledge for a while.

anyway. I would've had OCD anyway, but reading a regular stream of posts going "hey, here's a really terrible thing you might be doing! you might even be doing it without knowing it! you need to think really hard and be constantly vigilant all the time for any sign that you might be doing this thing!" was basically pouring gasoline on the fire.

I never made an active decision to leave tumblr--if I had I would've said something first. I just kind of thought "god, I can't do this right now" one day and didn't open the app, which turned into days and then weeks and then months, and still things weren't getting better.

it's hard to express exactly how harrowing that whole experience was. actually I just started thinking about it and realized I would never finish this post tonight if I tried to get into it just now. so I won't. let's just say: It Was Bad.

but, by an astronomical stroke of luck, I ended up getting referred to not just an OCD therapist, not just the only OCD therapist in the state who took Medicaid, but the only OCD therapist in the state who took Medicaid and also she was really good at her job. I genuinely think that woman saved my life.

OCD therapy is one of those "the only way out is through" kind of things. it's brutal and also quite surreal, but it has a high success rate and is very effective. OCD is not a thing that you can cure, per se, but it went from completely dominating every waking moment of my life to being something that I occasionally have to yell at in much the same way as when the cat starts knocking things off my desk at 3 in the morning.

but, the thing was, it took a year-and-a-bit before my therapist and I agreed that I had probably "graduated" as she put it. so, by the time I felt able to go back on tumblr without my brain catching on fire again, it had been so long that I didn't know how to do it. I felt like I'd pulled a major dick move by just dropping off without saying anything. I still thought about it (usually late at night, at Time To Think About Every Regret I've Ever Had O'Clock) but my brain very easily goes to a place of "well, no one would really notice or care that I was gone, and if they did they'd be mad at me for having left."

well. earlier this year I started on the road to getting past that idea. shoutout to @fordtato for helping with that, btw.

but it took me a while to work up the courage and then, as previously mentioned, even longer to work up the neurotransmitters.

I think I gotta wrap this up for now cause I don't have much concentration juice left. but, for what it's worth: I had a lot of emotions, coming back and seeing the names of people I used to talk to all the time. I don't know how you feel about me anymore, but I really missed yall. I would like to talk to you again.

86 notes · View notes

fatswaps · 8 months

Text

PLUMBER BODY SWAP

Minh was what many woukd refer to as, the perfect guy. He was smart, as shown by his exceptionally high grades. He had the looks of a supermodel, always the subject of awe for every girl and even some of the guys on campus. And, perhaps most important to the unfortunate events that would unfold, He was just a few months into his 18th age. The young man had everything he could ever ask for, and with such great traits, came perhaps the only aspect of Minh most couldn't stand- his disrespectful attitude. Minh really didn't shy away from treating those he seemed as unattractive in comparison to himself with the same resoect he'd show to an insect. But his pretty looks and large circle of acquaintances were enough to keep him surrounded by friends.

Though Minh would have his comeuppance one faithful night at a dorm party. The boys Minh was friends with were doing their usual activities such as drinking, making an overall mess and damaging dorm property. Markably, that night- it was the dormroom toilet which had been broken by the rowdy college boys. One of the pipes had been broken apart by one of the boys hitting it with a golf club in a not-so hilarious prank.

After the boys setttled down a bit, they soon realized they'd be forced to call the college plumber, an older guy called Steve. It was common for students to make fun of Steve for his big gut and in their eyes, "lowly" job of fixing their shitters. Once called over, the boys snickered and pushed one another to talk to the exhausted old guy at which point, Minh heroicly stepped forward and said "Hey... so, our pipes got broken. Guess you didn't do a very good job last time" he smirked, which Steve could only reply with an irritated sigh "You'll have to wait for tomorrow for me to fix it" he made his stance and was about to leave when the irritated younger man scoffed "What? Going home to eat some slob piggy?" He insulted the poor man, which was when he stopped in his tracks. "You know what, show me the way."

Smirking victoriously, Minh lead Steve to the bathroom but the moment he stepped inside- he blacked out and time itself seemed to become hard to decipher from space.

When he came to, Minh saw a familiar sight sitting on the stairway he'd led the fat plumber up to reach the bathroom where he heard his own voice say "Yeah, thanks for the job bro. Now piss off, this party is for young people". He didn't understand what was happening until he was pushed out the door- by himself!

Minh was confused as he fell to the floor outside his door room in the corridor. Taking a moment to recall what had happened- he soon realized everything got weird after he went into the bathroom with the plumber guy... speaking of, where was he?

It was at that moment Sing caught a reflection of himself in the mirror at the end of the hallway... that was not his body, that was NOT his pretty young face. That was the face of the 87 year old plumber he made fun of on a daily basis!

Having freaked out would be an understatement as the freshman-turned-old man screamed in pure fear and shock at the changes to his body. It was at this moment when he recieved a text... pulling his phone out of his now much tighter jeans' pockets- Minh read the texts in pur horror

"You probably noticed by now that I took your body kid. Well, tough shit. I was tired of being the fat plumber everyone shits on, now its your turn. Enjoy my 87 year old body, cause I'm gonna enjoy yours"

He saw a text being uploaded right after

"Oh and, don't even try to tell anyone what happened. I took some pictures of 'you' doing some pretty messed up shit to my poor college boy body and they could make you lose your job in less than a day, if not go to jail. Heh, good luck dickhead".

It had been around 6 months after the swap, and Minh had to adjust to his new life whether he liked it or not. The new Minh had already blocked his number and would give him the most humiliating smirk whenever the two saw eachother.

What took the most to get used to however was the disadvantages of obesity and old age. The old man suffered a great deal trying to get from anywhere to anywhere else. Even the most mundane tasks had him gasping for air due to years of smoking.

Showering was still so humiliating, seeing the fat rolls, his fatpad, the hairy body and ridiculously large moobs and belly. His balding head and old man beard- they all felt so wrong. Minh cried for quite a long time until his shower sessions turned into silent moments of pure shame

Another aspect of his body Minh could never come to terms with was his ridiculously small, constantly soft penis. With the horniness of an 18 year old freshman snuffed out, replaced by the body of a 87 year old man- Minh longed for his old vitality.... something he would never have again.

It was about 5 years into the swap when Minh's suffering came to an end due to a sudden heart attack due to his morbid obesity. The news spread around campus, and Steve- now fully in Minh's shoes, seemed quite unsympathetic, his statement about the old guy being "The fat fuck deserved it."

#bad ending #identity theft #male body swap #male weight gain #young to old #bodyswap

217 notes · View notes

thebunnednun · 1 month

Text

LOYALTY [Chapter 3]

Katsuki Bakugou x Sugar Baby! Reader

Summary: Fuck a breakup, you ever have your fiance and partner of 8 years dump you during his promotion party in front of your bosses and the whole office with the girl he told you, “Don’t worry about,” on his arm?

The man you moved continents to support and move in with while you worked from home and helped promote his hero career because you thought he loved you and he called it an investment in your future together while you just did it out of love?

Welp, now he’s kicked you out in a strange land and you’ve gotta make it on your own. When you can't get a new job or apartment and tuition is almost due: you’ve got two options: Strip it or lose.

And I guess the angry blond that keeps coming back to your club wants to help you too.

Chapter summary: You and Katsuki share a intimate moment before meeting face to face for the first time when you return his wallet after he tips you $$$$$ for a dance.

This chapters song is: Kendrick Lamar - LOYALTY. ft. Rihanna

Put that shit on loop.

------------------Chapter 3: Unexpected encounter-------------------

The club was a hive of activity tonight, the buzz of payday energy pulsing through every corner. You walked through the throng of people with a sense of purpose, a slight smile tugging at your lips as you considered just how much had changed in the last few weeks. Thanks to the generous donations from your online followers, particularly that mystery guy, you’d managed to pay off your tuition and even order some new furniture for your “room.” You’d been shocked when the items in your shopping cart had been checked off before you even had the chance to think twice about them.

Your landlord, Mr. Muhammad, had been helpful, going with you to scout out potential apartments and vouching for you as a reliable tenant. As a thank-you, you’d been buying groceries here and there, trying to show your appreciation. They were becoming your family in this. The fact that you were finally on the path to securing your future, both financially and academically, felt like a weight had been lifted off your shoulders.

But tonight, you were back at the club, ready to earn what you could from the crowd that had gathered.

You emerged from the dressing rooms, adjusting the straps of your outfit as you made your way towards the main floor. The girls—Marshmallow and the others—were already in their usual spot, laughing and chatting excitedly. When they saw you, they waved you over with wide grins.

“You should totally join us on stage today!” Ruby said, her eyes sparkling with mischief.

You felt your face redden at the suggestion, the idea of being out there in the spotlight making your heart race. But before you could respond, Marshmallow chimed in, her tone reassuring. “You don’t have to do anything you’re not comfortable with. It’s just an offer.”

You looked around the club, taking in the sea of faces, the noise, the energy. It was busier than usual—payday always brought in the crowds. Your usual spot, the private section where you danced behind glass, seemed quiet in comparison.

“I’ll do a little walk around and head to my usual spot,” you finally said, your voice thoughtful. “If no one shows up after twenty minutes, I’ll join you all on stage.”

The girls cheered at your decision, and Marshmallow blew you a kiss, her expression playful. You couldn’t help but smile back, feeling a mix of nervousness and excitement as you turned to head to the back of the club.

But as you began to walk, the path ahead of you suddenly became blocked. A group of men had gathered near the entrance to the private sections, their loud laughter and boisterous behavior catching your attention. One of them—a tall, muscular guy with a cocky grin—stepped forward, his eyes locking onto you.

“Well, what do we have here?” he drawled, his voice dripping with arrogance. He looked you up and down, clearly assessing you like you were some kind of prize. “You look like you’d be a fun time.”

You resisted the urge to roll your eyes, keeping your expression sweet as you tried to sidestep him. “I’m just heading to my section,” you said, your tone polite but firm. “You can’t touch me but you can enjoy the show.”

The guy wasn’t having it. He stepped in front of you again, blocking your path. “Aw, c’mon. Don’t be like that. How about you come hang out with us instead?” Nope, nope, nope. You knew a cokehead when you saw one.

You felt your patience thinning, but you kept your composure. “Sorry, but I’ve got work to do,” you replied, trying to move around him once more.

This time, one of the bouncers noticed the interaction and started making his way over, his expression stern. Before the guy could say anything else, the bouncer stepped in, placing a hand on his shoulder. “Let her through,” he said in a no-nonsense tone.

The guy looked like he was about to argue, but the bouncer’s glare shut him up quickly. With a huff, he stepped aside, allowing you to pass.

You nodded your thanks to the bouncer before continuing on your way, your heart pounding slightly from the encounter. As you walked towards your usual spot, you couldn’t help but feel a surge of determination. This place could be tough, but you’d gotten this far, and you weren’t about to let some jerk ruin your night.

Finally reaching your private section, you stepped inside, taking a deep breath to steady yourself. The room was quiet, the familiar setting helping to calm your nerves. You were about to slip behind the glass, ready to begin your routine, but as you looked out into the club, you realized something.

Tonight felt different. The energy, the crowds, even the encounters—it all seemed to be leading to something. You weren’t sure what it was, but there was a feeling in the air, an undercurrent that made your skin tingle with anticipation.

As you started your routine, moving to the music that pulsed through the club, you couldn’t shake the feeling that tonight was going to be significant. Whether it was joining the girls on stage or something else entirely, you had the sense that you were standing on the edge of something new, something that could change everything.

The club’s usual hum of activity had faded into the background as you settled into your private section. The room was dimly lit, the low, sultry glow casting long shadows across the floor. You adjusted your costume—a tight, sheer two piece set that clung to your curves, accentuating every dip and swell. The fabric was soft against your skin, shimmering slightly under the dim lights, and you checked to make sure it was sitting just right.

Suddenly, you heard them—the footsteps. Heavy, deliberate, and echoing out across the club floor like a metronome. The sound was unmistakable, a slow, steady rhythm that seemed to announce his arrival long before you could see him. A strange sense of familiarity washed over you, as you knew this client just by the way he walked.

You quickly straightened up, pulling the straps of your top taut against your shoulders and making sure every inch of the material hugged you just right. This client wasn’t like the others; he only watched you dance without asking you for anything lewd or to see your face. He didn’t even make song requests, you didn’t know why, and you weren’t going to ask.

You watched as he approached the sofa, his tall frame casting a shadow that stretched across the floor. He moved with a kind of confidence that made the air feel heavy, charged. You couldn’t see much of his face, just the outline of his spiky hair and the broadness of his shoulders, but something about his presence sent a shiver down your spine. He sat down, his large boots making a final thud against the floor as he settled in, the sound resonating through the room.

Deciding it was time to begin, you turned to the console and selected a song that fit the mood—Kendrick Lamar and Rihanna’s “Loyalty.” The deep bassline filled the room, vibrating through the floor and into your bones, the rhythm perfectly matching the sensuality you intended to convey. You let the music guide you, your body moving in time with the beat, every step deliberate, every motion slow and controlled.

“It's a secret society

All we ask is trust

(All we ask is trust)

All we got is us

Loyalty, loyalty, loyalty

Loyalty, loyalty, loyalty,”

As Kendrick and Rihanna’s voices flowed through the speakers, you began to sway, your hips rolling in time with the lyrics, the movements deliberate and teasing. You ran your hands down your sides, feeling the soft fabric glide over your skin before slipping them to the hem of your skirt. The lights caught the subtle shimmer of the material, highlighting your silhouette as you slowly peeled it away from your body, revealing the smooth curve of your ass.

“I’m a savage, I’m an asshole I’m a King,”

Kendrick’s voice echoed, and you turned your back to the glass, arching as you pushed the skirt down over your hips. You caught a glimpse of the client in the reflection, his figure still and silent, but you could feel his eyes on you, watching your every move. The intensity of his gaze made your heart race, adding to the thrill of the performance.

“Tell me who you loyal to

Do it start with your woman or your man?”

You continued, rolling the fabric down your legs, bending at the waist to give him a full view of your body. The costume pooled around your ankles, and you stepped out of it, kicking it to the side. Now you were down to your matching bikini top and bottoms, the fabric clinging to you, highlighting the curves you knew he was watching intently.

“Do it end with your family and friends?

Or you're loyal to yourself in advance?”

You turned to face him again, your fingers trailing down your body, over your thighs, teasing the edges of your bottoms as Rihanna’s voice took over.

“I said, tell me who you loyal to

Is it anybody that you would lie for?”

She sang, and you mirrored the confidence in her voice, sliding your hands up your torso, arching your back as you thrust your chest forward. You let the straps of your bikini top slip down your shoulders, giving him just a hint of what lay beneath before pulling them back up again. The anticipation built, the heat between you and the client almost tangible, thickening the air in the small room.

“Anybody you would slide for?

Anybody you would die for?

That's what God for,”

As the song neared its end, you dropped to your knees, spreading them slightly as you swayed your hips from side to side, your hands running through your hair, then down your neck, and across your chest. You gave one last slow, deliberate roll of your hips, letting the music guide you as you finished with a final arch of your back, the movement accentuating every curve.

The song ended, and you stilled, catching your breath, expecting him to get up and leave as most clients did once the performance was over. But when you glanced up, he was still sitting there, unmoving, his figure dark against the dim light of the room.

Puzzled, you slipped through the side door that led to the backroom where one of the bouncers stood. “Hey,” you said, trying to keep your voice steady, “why isn’t the guy leaving?”

The bouncer gave you a once-over before turning to check on the client. When he came back, there was a smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth. “He wants to know if he could buy an hour with you.”

You tried to mask the surprise on your face, forcing yourself to appear cool and composed. You paused for a moment, pretending to think it over, before nodding. “Tell him yes.”

The bouncer nodded and left to relay the message, leaving you with your thoughts. You pressed your nose against the glass, trying to get a better look at the man who had asked for the extra time. His hair was spiky, sticking out in a way that seemed almost familiar. His boots, large and sturdy, suggested a man who was used to being on his feet, and his broad frame hinted at strength, power. He exuded an aura of control, but there was something else, something that intrigued you.

You couldn’t help but wonder what the fuck it was.

As the bouncer returned, there was a flicker of something in his eyes—amusement, perhaps, or curiosity. "The customer wants the same song," he said, his voice gruff yet tinged with the faintest hint of a smile. "He wants to see you dance to it again. You can switch up the routine, but he specifically asked for the same track." You nodded, a surge of anticipation bubbling up within you. The thought of performing the same song for the same man, knowing he was still captivated by your movements, sent a thrill down your spine.

You watched the bouncer close the door behind him, leaving you alone in the dimly lit room with only the frosted glass between you and your mysterious client.

With a quick decision, you moved to the corner where your outfits were kept. You stripped off your bikini, reaching for something a bit more daring—a lacy, black two-piece that left just enough to the imagination while hugging your curves in all the right places. The sheer stockings and garter belt added a touch of vintage allure, making you feel powerful and sensual as you adjusted them, ensuring every strap was perfectly aligned.

Before turning the lights back on, you glanced at the frosted glass. A mischievous grin played on your lips as you tapped the control to dim the lights further, bathing the room in a sultry, amber glow that cast soft shadows across the space. You wanted this routine to feel intimate, like a secret whispered in the dark between two best friends.

When you were ready, you positioned yourself against the glass, your hands splayed out in front of you, feeling the cool surface beneath your fingertips. You tapped your fingers to the opening beats, letting the music fill the room, its rhythm pulsing through you as you began to move.

“My resume is real enough for two millenniums

A better way to make a wave, stop defendin' them

I meditate and moderate all of my wins again

I'm hangin' on the fence again,”

You changed the pace, slowly rolling your hips to the beat, letting your body melt into the music. This time, your movements were more daring, more deliberate. You pressed your chest against the glass, the coolness a stark contrast to the heat building within you. The fabric of your outfit teased at the edges of your consciousness, reminding you of every inch of skin it covered, and every inch it left exposed.

“I'm always on your mind

I put my lyric and my lifeline on the line

And ain't no limit when I might shine, might grind

You rollin' with it at the right time, right now

Only for the dollar sign,”

With each word, you leaned into the glass, pressing your body closer, your breath fogging up the surface. You let your fingers trace over the fog, leaving a little heart before stepping away, toying with the barrier between you and him. You didn’t know where all this confidence came from but you weren’t gonna waste it. Your movements were slower, more deliberate, the sway of your hips more pronounced as you turned and arched your back, sliding down the glass as if giving in to the gravity of his gaze.

“Loyalty, loyalty, loyalty

Loyalty, loyalty, loyalty

10-4, no switchin' sides

I need

Loyalty, loyalty, loyalty

Loyalty, loyalty, loyalty,”

You dropped to your knees, arching your back as your hands slid down your body, feeling the lace and the softness of your skin beneath your fingertips. You let the music take over, your body moving in perfect sync with the beat. The lyrics spoke of loyalty, a deep and unwavering connection, and you channeled that intensity into every motion. You never had that before, but you knew what it was supposed to feel like.

“Tell me who you loyal to

Is it money? Is it fame? Is it weed? Is it drink?

Is it comin' down with the loud pipes and the rain?

Big chillin', only for the power in your name,"

As the music reached its peak, you stood up, arching your back as you slowly peeled off one of the sheer stockings, teasing him with every movement. You pressed yourself fully against the glass, your body leaving faint impressions in the fog as you moved. You brought your hand up, drawing a small heart in the condensation, before letting it fade away as you continued to dance, your body a silhouette against the light.

"Tell me who you loyal to

Is it love for the streets when the lights get dark?

Is it unconditional when the 'Rari don't start?

Tell me when your loyalty is comin' from the heart”

With the final beats of the song, you leaned back against the glass, your breath heavy, your body flush with excitement. You slid down to the floor in a split, letting the music carry you as you reached the end of your routine. As the last notes faded, you expected him to gesture for more, but he remained seated, the shadow of his figure unmoving from the red leather sofa.

“It's so hard to be humble

It's so hard to be

Lord knows is I'm tryin'

Lord knows is I'm dyin',

baby”

On the other side, Bakugou was struggling to keep his composure. His usual mask of indifference was slipping as he watched you, his eyes glued to the screen. The way you danced, the way your body moved in perfect sync with the music— those fucking lyrics — it was driving him crazy. He could feel the heat rising in his face, his heart pounding in his chest as he tried to maintain control.

What was it about you that got under his skin?

He couldn’t figure it out, but he knew one thing for sure—he didn’t want this to end. When you pressed yourself against the glass, leaving that little heart in the fog, it felt like a direct hit, and he was barely keeping it together. His hands clenched into fists, trying to resist the urge to blow off steam. He felt a bead of sweat trickle down the back of his neck, and he shifted uncomfortably in his seat, trying to regain his composure.

But the truth was, you had him—completely and utterly. And there was no turning back now.

‘Fuck.’

The moment the knock echoed through the room, you nearly jumped out of your skin. The tension in the air was thick enough to cut with a knife, and for a split second, you forgot where you were and what you were doing. Your breath hitched as you tore your gaze away from the mysterious man behind the glass. The knock had shattered the strange, intimate spell that had settled over the two of you.

But he was still there, still watching, still touching the glass where your hand met his. The connection between you felt oddly real, almost tangible through the cold, solid barrier that separated you. You could see his fingers, large and rough, tracing the heart you’d drawn earlier. His touch was gentle, almost reverent, as if he were handling something precious.

You bit the inside of your cheek, trying to ground yourself in the moment. This was just a performance, just another routine. You’d danced for plenty of clients before, had them watch you, admire you, but none of them had ever done this. None of them had touched the glass like this, as if they were trying to reach through and connect with something deeper. It was… unsettling, in a way that made your heart race for reasons you couldn’t quite name.

His hand dwarfed yours, the size difference almost startling. Even with the platform heels giving you extra height, he still towered over you, his presence almost overwhelming. You could feel the heat of his body radiating through the glass, a warmth that seeped into your bones and made your skin tingle.

You hesitated, unsure of what to do next. The whole situation felt surreal, like something out of a dream. But the show had to go on, and you weren’t about to let a little weirdness throw you off your game.

With a deep breath, you slowly moved closer to the glass, stalking up to the barrier with a predatory grace. Your eyes never left his head, trying to read the expression on his face, but the frosted glass obscured his features, leaving only the shadow of his form visible. The only thing clear was his hand, still pressed against the glass where yours had been.

You stopped just inches away, close enough that you could feel the cold emanating from the glass, a stark contrast to the warmth of your body. Your fingers twitched against the surface, and without really thinking, you tapped them lightly, a soft, almost playful gesture. He hesitated for a moment, as if unsure how to respond, before his fingers mirrored yours, tapping back in a gentle rhythm.

A shiver ran down your spine as you watched his other hand trace over the heart you’d left. The realization hit you like a ton of bricks—he was tracing it because you’d left it there for him. You’d drawn that heart in the fog, almost without thinking, and now he was treating it like it meant something.

And maybe, in some weird, twisted way, it did.

But this was just a show, you reminded yourself. Just a game. You were here to entertain, to give him what he wanted, and that was all.

Another knock on the door snapped you out of your thoughts. “I don’t hear any music!” the bouncer’s voice called out, a hint of impatience in his tone.

You blinked, realizing you’d been standing there in silence for too long. You glanced back at the glass, at the man whose hand still rested against yours, and for a moment, you considered pulling away. But something in his stillness, in the way he hadn’t tried to push things further, gave you pause.

You tilted your head slightly, studying him, and he seemed to do the same. The symmetry of the gesture made your heart skip a beat. You were tiny compared to him, almost fragile, yet you felt a strange sense of power in that moment. You tapped your fingers again, and this time, he didn’t hesitate. He tapped back in sync, as if the two of you were communicating in a silent, shared language.

His fingers drifted over the heart again, and you found yourself wondering why he was treating it with such care. Why was he being so delicate, so gentle? This wasn’t what you were used to, not at all.

The bouncer knocked again, louder this time. “Music, now !”

You sighed, rolling your eyes at the interruption, but a small smile tugged at the corner of your lips. The spell was broken, but you weren’t ready to let go just yet. With a final tap against the glass, you backed away, giving him a soft, almost coy look over your shoulder as you moved to restart the music.

--- You finished out the hour without much problem or anything like the glass touching that happened. Part of you felt a little dissappointed at that and you couldn't tell why. He was quiet throughout the rest of the time and left without a word. You wiped yourself down with a towel and threw on a lacy teddy before opening the secret door that was always locked on the clients side. That way you could collect the money after they left and get back behind the glass without anyone seeing you. He left it in the usual place, the table next to the red leather sofa and your heart almost stopped when counted out at least $5000 dollars.

'Five thousand dollars!!!'

Your mind immediately raced back to the live stream and you tried to calm yourself down. This had to be some sort of coicidence. No way this guy actually knew who you were. Then to make matters worse, he left his phone and wallet in the booth. You decided you had to find out for yourself. You let the bouncer know you were done before running back to the dressing rooms. You knew better than to hand over the stuff to the manager so you would have to find the guy himself. He may he bigger than you, but your shoes were stabbyier. You placed the items in a small purse you sometimes used to help your friends collect tips and stashed your money inside your locker inside your clothes like Marshmellow (Micheal) showed you. You made sure the locker was shut tight and tugged on it for good measure before you rushed back into the floor. You asked the doorman if anyone with large boots and spiky hair had left yet, who actually wasn't bad, and he assured you he that hadn't but that there was a client that came in with that description so he was probably still inside. You thanked him before taking a big gulp of air and making your way to the center floor.

The center floor was alive with the buzz of chatter, laughter, and music, and the stages were crowded, but your focus was razor-sharp as you scanned the room. The lights were dim, casting long shadows that danced with the movement of bodies. It was payday, so the place was packed with regulars and new faces alike, all looking for a night of fun. But you were only interested in one man.

Your heart raced as you moved through the crowd, your eyes darting from face to face, searching for the telltale signs—spiky hair, broad shoulders, those heavy boots that echoed with each step. You felt a mix of nerves and adrenaline coursing through your veins, making your steps quick and purposeful. You didn’t even notice the usual stares or the catcalls; your mind was locked on the task at hand.

He left his phone and wallet. What kind of person leaves something so important behind, especially after dropping five thousand dollars without blinking? Maybe all rich dudes really are weird. The thought made your stomach twist. Was he testing you? Or maybe it was just an accident. But you couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something more to this.

As you pushed through the crowd, you felt the small purse slung over your shoulder bump against your hip, the weight of it reminding you of what was inside. His belongings were in your hands, and that gave you a strange sense of nerves. He was bigger, stronger, sure, but you had something he needed. And that meant you had to find him. You clung to that thought, letting it bolster your confidence as you pressed forward.

You spotted Marshmallow—Micheal—across the room, chatting with a group of clients. She caught your eye and gave you a small, encouraging nod. She knew what you were up to, even without you having to say a word. That silent support made you feel a little braver as you approached the center floor.

The room was a blur of lights and movement, but then you saw him. He was near the bar, his back to you, broad shoulders hunched slightly as he leaned against the counter. His spiky hair was unmistakable, even in the dim light. The sight of him sent a jolt of adrenaline through you, and you had to force yourself to slow down, to keep your breathing steady. This was it.

You approached cautiously, your heels clicking against the polished floor. He didn’t seem to notice you at first, too absorbed in whatever thoughts were running through his head. You paused a few feet away, trying to decide how to play this. Should you tap him on the shoulder? Just hand over the stuff and be done with it? Or maybe you should say something more… calculated, something that would keep him intrigued.

Before you could make up your mind, he turned around, as if sensing your presence. His eyes locked onto yours, and for a moment, you felt frozen in place. Up close, he was even more imposing, his sharp features and intense gaze making your heart skip a beat. But you couldn’t back down now. You had a job to do.

“I think you forgot something,” you said, your voice steady despite the fluttering in your chest. You held up the small purse, letting him see that you had his phone and wallet inside.

His eyes flicked to the purse and then back to you. There was a brief flash of something in his expression—surprise? Amusement?—before he reached out to take it. His fingers brushed against yours as he did, and you felt a small spark at the contact, a reminder of the strange connection you’d felt during your routine.

“Thanks,” he said, his voice gruff, but there was a hint of something softer beneath it. “I didn’t even realize.”

You shrugged, playing it cool. “It happens.”

He didn’t say anything else, so you just tucked the purse under your arm as he looked at you with an unreadable expression. The silence stretched between you, thick with unspoken words. You could feel your pulse in your throat, the tension from earlier starting to creep back in.

“So, was it worth it?” you asked, tilting your head slightly as you tried to read him. “The hour, I mean.”

He raised an eyebrow, his lips quirking into a smirk that was almost too confident for your liking. “More than worth it.”

The way he said it sent a shiver down your spine, but you kept your expression neutral, not letting him see how his words affected you. You weren’t about to let him have the upper hand in this conversation.

“Well, if you’re ever in the mood to lose more of your money, you know where to find me,” you said, flashing him a playful smile.

He chuckled, a deep raspy sound that made your stomach flip. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

With that, you turned and started to walk away, leaving him standing there with a mix of emotions swirling inside. You yourself felt something. Relief, curiosity, and another visitor you couldn’t quite put your finger on. He watched you go, wondering if you’d see him again, and if you did, what that would mean?

And as much as you hated to admit it, a part of you was disappointed that the hour was over.

Maybe it was the intensity of the moment, the way your voice lingered in his mind, or the curiosity that gnawed at you. Before you could completely disappear into the crowd, you took a step forward, your voice catching him mid-stride.

“Wait.”

You stopped, his shoulders tensing slightly before you turned back to face him. He hadn’t planned this far ahead, and now that he had your attention again, he felt his pulse quicken. What were you going to say? You opened your mouth, but the words died on your lips as you found yourself staring directly into his eyes for the first time.

Time seemed to slow as your gazes locked. You felt like you were seeing him for the first time, really seeing him. His face was sharp, rugged, with a defined jawline and intense crimson eyes that seemed to bore straight into you. He had a look about him that was hard to pin down—confident yet guarded, like someone who didn’t let others in. You noticed the way his hair spiked out in unruly directions, a contrast to the disciplined aura he gave off. And then there was that small, almost imperceptible quirk of his lips, as if he wanted to speak but was struggling to.

For Bakugou, the world seemed to narrow down to just you. He hadn’t expected to turn around and see a face that felt so… familiar, yet completely new. Your eyes caught his first, and they were softer than he’d imagined, but there was a brightness in them that intrigued him. He noticed the way your hair framed your face, accentuating the delicate lines of your features. But what struck him most was the expression you wore—equal parts surprise and determination, as if you hadn’t planned on this moment but weren’t going to run from it either. There was something about you that pulled him in, a magnetism he hadn’t felt in a long time, and it made him forget for a moment where he was.

Neither of you said a word, but the silence between you was charged with something unspoken. You felt your breath catch as you realized he was doing the same thing you were—taking in every detail, committing it to memory. It was strange, surreal even, to see the man who had been on the other side of the glass, to see him so close. His intensity was almost overwhelming, and you couldn’t help but feel a shiver of anticipation, or maybe it was nerves, running down your spine.

You both seemed to realize at the same moment that you were staring, and you quickly averted your eyes, a faint blush creeping up your cheeks. He let out a small huff, not quite a laugh, but close enough, and it drew your gaze back to him. There was a look of curiosity in his eyes now, as if he was trying to figure you out, and maybe himself too.

“Well, goodnight.”

“Yeah, G’night.”

You turned to head back to Micheal letting out a breath you didn’t realize you’d been holding in. As you walked, you couldn’t help but replay the encounter in your mind, trying to make sense of it.

Later that night, you couldn’t stop thinking about that moment. You were sitting in front of the mirror, wiping off the remnants of your makeup, but your mind was elsewhere. His face, his eyes, the way he looked at you—it all replayed in your head like a loop you couldn’t turn off. You’d seen plenty of clients before, even locked eyes with a few, but this was different. There was something in the way he looked at you, a connection that felt almost tangible, and it left you feeling unsettled in a way you couldn’t quite explain.

You sighed, tossing the makeup wipe into the trash and leaning back in your chair. 'Why did he leave such an impression?' You tried to push the thoughts away, tried to focus on the money you’d made, the success of the night. You even participated in a dance number with the girls and finally had enough to get that new apartment! But his face kept creeping back into your thoughts, making you wonder if you’d see him again, and what it would mean if you did.

At the same time, Bakugou was sprawled out on his bed, one arm thrown over his eyes as he tried to sleep, but he knew it was impossible. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw you. Your face, the way you looked at him, the intensity of it—it was all too vivid. He’d gone to the club looking for a distraction, something to take his mind off the usual, but instead, he found himself thinking about you.

It pissed him off, if he was being honest.

He wasn’t supposed to see you yet. Looking all soft and cute with your little dress hugging you and a blush he couldn’t decipher from makeup or actual nerves. A moment like that, the memory of you stuck with him, lingering like an itch he couldn’t scratch. The way your eyes had widened slightly when you saw him, the way you hadn’t backed down, it made him wonder who you really were. You were just doing your job, a dancer, nothing more—so why the hell couldn’t he shake you off?

He shifted on the bed, letting out a frustrated breath. Maybe it was nothing, just a fluke, something that would fade by morning. But deep down, he wasn’t so sure. You’d made an impression, and it was going to take a lot more than a sleepless night to get you out of his head.

But Katsuki knew himself better than that.

Pulling out his phone, he opened that damned app again and sent you a message.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Taglist: @elarakive, @thealtofvalleyxdoodles, If you wanna be added lemme know.

That was the first chapter! So far there are 9 posted on my ao3 account.

I own none of the images or art!!!

Be sure to check out my other works and leave likes and comments, they really help. I have a Farmer Bakugou x Gardener Reader here in the master list. Drop a follow as well if you please. Don’t be shy to leave me a little reblog if you want.

I promise I bite~

See you soon my loves!!

(｡･ω･｡)ﾉ♡

94 notes · View notes