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toukenramblings · 4 years ago

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Video Games: Mutsunokami Yoshiyuki, Aizen Kunitoshi, Atsushi Toushirou

Oh ho, a fun lil headcanon set like this is so funnnn~!

Warnings: Not much I suppose?

Mutsunokami Yoshiyuki

Sweet MuMu adores video games where we can travel the world. Fantasy world, modern world, past, present, future, he don’t care! An open world game will suit him best! There’s so much to do, and like a lil puppy, MuMu want’s to explore it all!

Extra bonus points if there’s a part of the game where there is something to do with the ocean. He adores the sea after all! Boats, driving them, exploring the ocean, exploring the unknown, oh this TouDan will drink that shit up.

The games that come to mind are Assassin’s Creed: III, Black Flag, Syndicate, Origins, Odyssey, and Valhalla. Why? Most of them deal with exploring new lands and some of them deal with piloting ships! III, Black Flag, Odyssey, Origins, Valhalla to be more specific. Syndicate has guns and classy fashion. A little too much for Mutsunokami but he loves playing with the guns in the game - they are very similar in make to his own after all. he also rly likes the sea shanties in odyssey because i rly like them too

If Mutsunokami wants to relax and not play Assassin’s Creed where he goes around stabbing everything that moves, he will play Subnautica or Abzu or Journey to relax. Maybe even Animal Crossing! He loves the cute little animals but I personally think that games where he can just explore the world and meet new people and learn lore just make him happy the most.

Games MuMu would never play are horror games or anything with spiders in them. So Bayonetta and Devil May Cry are out. He loves the idea of gun-toting protagonists but nope, nope. Spiders? Bye fam.

Now that I think about it, he would just be Blathers. He can play Animal Crossing but Gods help him the minute he sees a spider in that damn game. “I THOUGHT THIS WAS A PEACEFUL GAME, WHY ARE THE SPIDERS TRYING TO KILL YOU” cue controller thrown at the television.

Oh MuMu adores party games! Can’t play Smash Bros or Mario Kart for shit. Watch him pay too much attention to the background and yeet himself off of the stage because he saw something shiny. He can kinda play though, but again he gets distracted the most. Buuut ask him to play Mario Party with the rest of the swords and damn right he will play!

Can and will make video games turn into a drinking game. MuMu adores competitive gaming with the rest of the citadel. Will start taking bets on who is gonna win and lose, and sure he may be a pouty loser but he’ll be fiine. But damn right he’ll yeet a tantou to ensure his win. No he won’t he’s not that cruel.

Mutsunokami also adores rhythm games! Taiko no Tatsujin because of Don-chan and the idea of playing with a lil taiko drum as a controller. He’s very much into music after all. There are times when he stops playing a game to just listen to the music and take it all in!

A guilty pleasure game he plays is probably Ghost of Tsushima. No he’s not checking out Jin’s ass whenever they go to a hot spring, what are you talking about? MuMu enjoys it because sometimes just going back to your roots and stabbing a ho is just what you need. dear khotun khan, eat shit

Aizen Kunitoshi

Aizen is also super big on rhythm games. As said above with Mutsunokami, Taiko no Tatsujin will be a favorite of his. He has a secret collection of Don-chan merch, no one is stopping him damn it. Just fucking tRY and take away his precious Don-chan(s). The only ones that can touch his prized collection are the rest of the Rai swords, other peeps he is close to, and maybe you if you two are close/you ask nicely. Get him some Don-chan pajamas and he’ll cry.

Aizen is also pretty good at fighting games, Street Fighter coming to mind because he adores over the top bullshit and the colors! The colors! He mains Ryu though, but he’s more than willing to try new characters!

He’s also pretty competitive at times, so he would adore playing fighting games with the rest of the swords at the citadel. Hotarumaru and he are always playing Smash Bros or Mario Kart, which ends up with a lot of broken controllers. Hotaru has been slightly banned from planning highly competitive gameplay though.

Other games that I know Aizen will be into will be Animal Crossing when he wants to relax. He loves the little yearly festivals and events in the games and it kinda mirrors how life works in the world. Of course he adores Digby and Isabelle, and has threatened Tom Nook with Hotarumaru before. “Don’t you cheat me you stupid tanuki, don’t make me get my brother in here.”

Games that Aizen cannot play are puzzle games. He doesn’t mind them, he just finds them really boring. He watches Akashi play them sometimes but even then, Akashi will conk the hell out. If you play them and have Aizen on your lap watching, Aizen will be amazed at how you are so good at them!

Aizen cannot deal with horror games or sad emotional games. He’s pretty emotional himself and will need a lot of hugs after. He will refuse to play Brothers: A Tale of Two Sons as they remind him of Hotarumaru and himself a lil too much. Horror games is because he’s too scared to. Hotarumaru doesn’t mind them, he likes playing them while Aizen and Akashi cling on to each other and scream in terror.

Aizen also loves games that not only have great music but the visuals and colors just catch his eye. Katamari Damacy comes to mind and he loves the main character a lot. The music! The colors! Ohh man its the best.

A guilty pleasure game he would love is the monster catching genre, Pokemon is an idea but he also loves Yokai Watch. Yokai Watch feels a lil more closer to home, plus Yokai Watch had a crossover with Taiko no Tatsujin! He immediately wasted no time and effort to try and recruit Don-chan. iM STILL TRYING TO GET DON-CHAN ON MY TEAM U LIL SHIt but also im rly biased towards yokai watch and digimon

This lil guy will also love collecting plushies of any characters of the games he plays! Don-chan is his first choice of course but catch him and Hotarumaru in a little cuddle puddle with 70 other plushies from various games!

Most of all, Aizen loves games where he can play with others! Friends, family, you! It doesn’t matter to him! He’ll drag you from your office to relax and just cheer anyone up with something fun! “Come play with me! You promised after all, master! I’ve found a rEALLY cool and fun game to play together with Hotaru!” bless him he’s trying his best

Atsushi Toushirou

Like Aizen, Atsushi will mostly enjoy multiplayer games because of his multitudes of brothers, younger and older. He’ll pick out games like Mario Party, Mario Kart, classics for sure. But then there’s games like Wario Ware or Smash Bros. He wants to play games with as many people as possible! He loves it when he can play with you and his brothers!

If Atsushi wants to play something more solo, he will play something along the lines of Cooking Mama. Houchou got him addicted to it gee i wonder why Houchou loves the game so much but Atsushi just loves the dishes that he can prepare and it almost feels like he can cook! He once tried to follow exactly what Cooking Mama did in the game for cooking once uh...it did not end up. But none the less, he loves the colors and the music of Cooking Mama!

He is also a big ol fan of life simulation games, Animal Crossing being his favorite. Again he and his siblings can all play together and the calm atmosphere almost lulls him to a peaceful sort of sleep that he adores the most. He loves the relaxing vibe and sometimes wishes to live there, wherever the hell these guys live.

Next to Yagen, I think Atsushi will lowkey adore horror games. Yagen does it just to get a rise out of the rest of his siblings and Atsushi is kind of the same. Sure Yagen finds the most gorey and atmospheric based horror to scare the crap outta his siblings, Atsushi will probably play the more jumpscare based horror games just to get a scare outta them too! What good is a horror game if you’re not scared as well??? Damn right he’ll wait until it’s night time to play these games!

Atsushi also does love RPG games! Star Ocean, Final Fantasy, Legend of Zelda, come to mind first. He just loves going on big adventures! Exploring new worlds, meeting new people, learning new things! Bonus points if the game has a really emotional story, catch him and his brothers crying about whatever happens on screen.

Atsushi has a secret fondness for rather childish games. Pokemon, Yokai Watch, so on and so forth. YEs he’s trying his best to be mature and stuff, supporting you his saniwa and all, but sometimes he just wants to be himself and have fun! He has a few mascot plushies from his brothers too, shhh.

Atsushi is also terrifyingly amazing at turn-based strategy games. Mario + Rabbids being a favorite because of the colors and overall fun atmosphere. Fire Emblem is a close second. He knows exactly how to keep his units and characters alive, what upgrades to give them, so on and so forth. “General! Come look at what I did in my game! Wouldn’t it be cool if we could also do something like this?!” he says that as Rabbid Luigi yeets himself off of normal Mario and soars through the air like a bird, landing gracefully without hurting himself. Atsushi no.

He’s the most likely of the TouDans to get into the indie gaming scene, looking at new and upcoming content creators to see what they make! He wants to support them as much as he can!

He’s also one of the more responsible of the TouDans in terms of games. Others will start buying them on a whim but Atsu knows there’s a budget to be had! He isn’t as money crunching as Hakata or anything but he knows his damn limits!

Another game genre he’s secretly into are visual novels. He loves the budding relationships between characters, romantic or not, he loves seeing where they end up! It’s like he’s growing with them!

#touken ranbu #touken danshi #touken ranbu x reader #touken ranbu imagine #tkrb #tkrb x reader #tkrb imagine #mutsunokami yoshiyuki #mutsunokami yoshiyuki x reader #mutsunokami yoshiyuki imagine #my writing #aizen kunitoshi #aizen kunitoshi x reader #aizen kunitoshi imagine #atsushi toushirou #atsushi toushirou x reader #atsushi toushirou imagine #https://toukenramblings.tumblr.com/tagged/Chaotic%20Citadel%20Correspondences #Chaotic Citadel Correspondences

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johannesviii · 5 years ago

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Top 10 Personal Favorite Hit Songs from 2009

20 to 21 years old. And so the 2000s end, not with a whimper, but with an explosion of upbeat, great pop songs.

Only one third of these lists left to make!

Disclaimers:

Keep in mind I’m using both the year-end top 100 lists from the US and from France while making these top 10 things. There’s songs in English that charted in my country way higher than they did in their home countries, or even earlier or later, so that might get surprising at times.

Of course there will be stuff in French. We suck. I know. It’s my list. Deal with it.

My musical tastes have always been terrible and I’m not a critic, just a listener and an idiot.

I have sound to color synesthesia which justifies nothing but might explain why I have trouble describing some songs in other terms than visual ones.

First to second and final year of my Master degree in Contemporary History. Also got two summer jobs that year. I was basically only researching and writing my master thesis at this point and trying to survive on a 50€ per month budget to pay for transport, clothes, driving lessons, and food apart from one meal a day. Needless to say, some corners had to be cut and my health wasn’t the best. I was also trying to register to pass some concours d’Etat to be a government worker considering there was 0% chance I’d be able to find a job otherwise with my qualifications and my mother had been trying to find an excuse to throw me out for more than four years at this point. Basically I was broke, stressed out and in panic mode.

Thank god, the music was mostly energetic and upbeat on the radio. I can’t imagine what my mood would have been like if the charts had been as horribly depressed as in 2018 or 2019.

This was also the year when my favorite music reviewer ever, Todd In The Shadows, started to make his first videos, so you might think his lists are going to influence mine, but as it turns out we have very, very different tastes for the most part (I mean come on, the guy hates Depeche Mode), so... not so much. But he helped me discover a lot of songs I would have ignored otherwise, so yeah, godspeed, Todd.

It should be mentioned that the two songs that I wanted to put at the top of this list before looking at the actual year-end lists turned out to be non-elligible and that is extremely frustrating. Obviously, as I mentioned in the previous post, there’s Life In Technicolor II by Coldplay, which has an incredibly fitting name since it’s one of their most colorful songs ever. But I’m not even sure I would have put it at #1 since this was the year of Mika’s second album, and oh my god, We Are Golden was FANTASTIC. It’s my absolute favorite song from the guy, the music video is incredibly fun, and I listened to that shit on a loop as soon as it dropped.

I usually don’t put such large links for non-elligible songs but the fact this isn’t elligible is nothing short of criminal. Check it out if you’ve never heard it.

youtube

As for albums from bands I liked... eh. Lacuna Coil dropped Shallow Life, which was not as good as KarmaCode, Pet Shop Boys dropped Yes which wasn’t nearly as good as Fundamental, Depeche Mode dropped Sounds of the Universe which was DEFINITELY not as good as Playing the Angel (I liked Wrong, though. But it’s not elligible), Eminem released Relapse which was joyless and pretty bad and he was kinda dead to me at that point (even if it wasn’t as terrible as Encore AND he had that song with Drake that was very good), Placebo released Battle for the Sun which was pretty great but still not as good as their previous two albums, Paradise Lost had Faith Divides Us Faith Unites Us and basically same thing there, and Indochine had La République des Météors which is imho their worst record in the past twenty years, by far.

Long story short, every single one of the bands and artists I loved who released an album that year let me down (except Placebo, maybe).

And then VNV Nation released Of Faith, Power And Glory, I listened to it, and suddenly I had a new favorite band, and everything was good and beautiful in the world again. Album of the year for me, hands down.

With that out of the way, a few honorable mentio-HOLY SHIT HOW MANY OF THESE ARE THERE, WTF

Replay (Iyaz) - A perfectly good and innocent little earworm.

Run This Town (Rihanna) - I don’t like the original very much (Kanye’s verse is atrocious) but I've had a mashup of it with Bach’s Tocatta & Fugue in D minor (yes you read that right) on my mp3 player for years now, so this has to count. The mashup is called Run This Town In D Minor. It’s one of my favorite mashups ever. I even made fanart of it once! Look it up if you can, the original video has apparently disappeared.

Circus (Britney Spears) - You know it’s a good year for pop when even Britney Spears makes music I like.

Magnificent (U2) - Wait, even U2 was making decent music? I had zero use for them since at that point Linkin Park had more or less taken over their ecological-musical niche of “mainstream epic-sounding pop-rock music with tortured vocals and Emotions(tm)” but that one was still kinda nice.

Même Pas Fatigué (Magic System & Khaled) - I’ve said that before and I’ll say it again but they always bring a smile to my face and I don’t get why it’s ‘cool’ to hate their songs in my country. Yeah, they often sound the same, but I’d listen to ten similar-sounding Magic System songs in a heartbeat whereas you’d have to pay me to listen to ten similar-sounding Nickelback songs.

Day n Nite (Kid Cudi) - This had a tendency to get stuck in my head, but not at all in an unpleasant way.

21 Guns (Green Day) - Much better than I remembered.

When Love Takes Over (David Guetta), Stereo Love (Edward Maya ft Vika Jigulina), Evacuate the Dancefloor (Cascada) - That year was full of catchy, stupid, energetic songs, wasn’t it?

Greenlight (John Legend) - If I had better taste, this would be on the list. Alas, you’re reading the top 10s of someone who once put Blue (Eiffel 65) in a #1 spot, so yeah.

In Your Hands (Charlie Winston) - Same thing, basically.

Like a Hobo (Charlie Winston) - “Like a hobo from a broken home, nothing’s gonna stop me”, said this very useful song. Now is a good time to remind you that my nickname at the public university was The Hobo. So yeah. I liked this song a lot and I still do.

Forever (Drake) - Drake and Eminem are both amazing on this track. Unfortunately there’s also Kanye West and Lil Wayne on it. But. Like. “I'm Hannibal Lecter so just in case you're thinking of saving face / You ain't gonna have no face to save”. Dude. Duuuuuude.

You Found Me & Never Say Never (The Fray) - Did I mention I really, really liked this band. I think I did. Several times.

Paparazzi & Love Game (Lady Gaga) - Would both have had a chance to land on the list without the incredible amount of great, catchy tunes that year had to offer.

C’est Dans l’Air (Mylène Farmer) - Mylène Farmer had THREE singles on the French year-end list and this is the ONLY one I like. Good electro, mediocre verses but a great chorus (and a weird and kind of hilarious music video). Basically a song saying we’re all going to die and she can only sing about it. It’s strange, it’s a bit dark in a fun way, but it’s sadly not enough to land on the list, and it was the last cut from it.

Phew. Making this list was like a Hunger Games of catchy, upbeat, stupid songs to find which one was the best. It’s not #1 but I’m still shocked I had to put it so high.

But first, the runner ups.

10 - Fire Burning (Sean Kingston)

US: #33 / FR: Not on the list

Yes, ALL these honorable mentions were kicked out to give the last spot on the list to this guy and a chorus that goes “somebody call 911, shawty fire burning on the dance floor, WOAH!”.

The fact that I don’t feel bad about it means this was the right pick for that spot.

9 - Rain (Mika)

US: Not on the list / FR: #22

Anybody else thinks Mika looks like the Fourth Doctor on this screenshot from the music video or is it just me?

Anyway. So yeah, as I said, We Are Golden would have topped this list if it had been elligible. Sadly, it isn’t, but Rain is. I don’t like it nearly as much as We Are Golden, but what can I say. It’s still Mika. I’ll take whatever I can.

8 - I Gotta Feeling (Black Eyed Peas)

US: #4 / FR: #17

I lost about 80% of the respect I had for this song the day I realised its untouchable, marvellous beat was very probably stolen from Take a Dive. I still love it though. Had a few actual parties in 2010 and early 2011 and this was garanteed to make everyone dance, even people like me who don’t know how to dance.

And then the dancefloor died instantly anytime anyone tried to put Boom Boom Pow on because it’s impossible to dance on that one. But that’s another story.

7 - Poker Face (Lady Gaga)

US: #2 / FR: #5

Needless to say this was absolutely everywhere and overplayed to death and beyond, and the fact I still wanted to listen to it and put it on my playlists really tells you how good I thought it was (and still is).

6 - Ça m’énerve (Helmut Fritz)

US: Not on the list / FR: #1 (...yes.)

This is a novelty song with a singer pretending to have a thick German accent, complaining about various things in France, like the fact he doesn’t fit the dress code for a club, that he wanted to buy a sweater with “Rock” written on it but it’s out of stock, that some girls can fit in a size 34 blue jean and not him, that there’s a queue of people trying to buy macarons at the Ladurée shop, and so on. And every time he concludes “that gets on my nerves”, said in a very flat tone. Here’s a translation.

It was overplayed as f█ck here. Think Despacito levels of overplay. But the beat is great and it’s still hysterical after having heard it about a hundred times that year.

Fun fact, while I was making this list and relistening to this song, my s.o said “haha that sounds great! What is it?” and I stared at him in disbelief. Somehow, he was completely serious. That’s like someone escaping the Great Macarena Onslaught Of 1996. What happened. How.

5 - Waking Up In Vegas (Katy Perry)

US: #36 / FR: Not on the list

Again, I must remind you that my s.o is a Katy Perry fan and that I’ve heard this song even more than the average radio listener did at the time, and it’s STILL #5 on this list. What can I say. It’s a ton of fun and one of my favorite songs from her.

4 - New Divide (Linkin Park)

US: #61 / FR: Not on the list

Is this their best song? Not by a f█cking mile. I thought it would be much lower when I started to make this specific list, but what can I say. Linkin Park is like that one old friend that you kept no contact with for years, and once you meet them again, it’s like they never left. Who cares if that wasn’t nearly as good as Numb or In the End? Not me, that’s for sure.

Also, “In every loss in every lie / In every truth that you deny / And each regret and each goodbye / Was a mistake too great to hide / And your voice was all I heard / That I get what I deserve”. Holy shit, dude.

3 - Good Girls Go Bad (Cobra Starship)

US: #43 / FR: Not on the list

BEHOLD. THE ONLY SURVIVOR OF THE 2009 ‘CATCHY UPBEAT STUPID SONGS’ HUNGER GAMES. THE CATCHIEST, UPBEAT-IEST, STUPIDEST OF THEM ALL. HERE IT IS AT LAST.

The thing I love about this is that it’s a song made by nerds for nerds and that the singer looks and sounds completely non-threatening. As Todd said in his own list back in the day, “that guy couldn’t make good MILK go bad” and that’s what’s so endearing about the song, I think.

Also yes, this is, in fact, placed above Linkin Park.

2 - Use Somebody (Kings of Leon)

US: #14 / FR: Not on the list

This was my #1 at first. I LOVED it. I even bought the album, even though, as you know, my funds were very low that year. That music is soaring. It’s majestic. Well, the lyrics aren’t that majestic and soaring, it’s about loving someone and trying to catch their attention, but the rest? Damn this is intense. It was also elligible for the 2010 list, by the way, where I ALSO wondered if it should be #1, but in both cases, it wasn’t meant to be.

And so this list of 2009 hit songs comes to a close.

It began with the forging of the Great 2009 Upbeat Songs. Three were given to the Punk Rock hits. Seven to the Dance Tracks. And nine, nine songs were gifted to the Radio Friendly Pop Songs, which above all else desired power.

But they were all deceived, for another song was made. Deep in the forgotten land of Synth Pop, in his Parents’ Basement, the Dark Lord Adam Young forged a master song, and into this song he poured his joy, his talent and his will to dominate all charts.

One song to rule them all.

1 - Fireflies (Owl City)

US: #60 / FR: Not on the list (76 the next year)

I know. It’s a meme nowadays. But still. Have you any idea how satisfying a song with an initial beat that looks like small pulsing yellow and blue lights in the dark ACTUALLY titled “Fireflies” is? How gentle it all sounds and looks, even when the music soars? The number of drawings and paintings I made just based on the colors of THAT song? It’s like a synth pop version of one of my favorite Mike Oldfield tunes ever, Weightless.

And then, on top of all the rest, how relatable was that guy’s body language and general attitude?? Before even knowing he was on the spectrum I was like “oh BIG mood.”

Also following his twitter was one of the best decisions I ever made.

So yeah. I would have loved to put Coldplay or Mika in that #1 spot, but I’m not too mad about it thanks to this wonderful little song and its author. Such a shame Deer in the Headlights and Alligator Sky aren’t elligible for the 2011 list.

Next up: Johannes finally moves out and finds a great job and starts living a little, plus here’s a #1 that will be difficult to justify

#Johannes’ bad not good pretty terrible music lists #music #long post #eye contact tw

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earwaxinggibbous · 5 years ago

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Top 10 Worst Hit Songs of 2019

So 2019 was kind of a weird year, wasn’t it? Not just for like, life, though it was weird in that aspect, but in music.

I can’t tell if 2019 was an incredibly strong year for music or a weak one. This, to me, is a sign that we’re transitioning into a new era of popular music. The youth are once again taking the reigns of the music scene as did the punks of the 70′s and the grunge kids of the 90′s. Meanwhile, the oldheads flounder for relevance in the face of this new adversity. “Nobody could’ve expected this!”, said no-one ever.

There was a lot of great pop this year, which I will get to, but there was also a lot of bad pop. All of it was either by shitty new artists who have no talent or previous hitmakers swimming around in their own piss. Regardless, it was all interesting to look at. You won’t see any “this entry is short because this song is boring” sections. I also won’t have to rant and rave constantly about the reprehensibility of certain artists, though it will come up. So I guess 2019 was a better year to talk about bad music.

Less do dis.

10. Senorita - Camila Cabello and Shawn Mendes

I can’t explain why I hate Camila Cabello so much. I didn’t even realize I hated her until, like... now.

I thought Havana was okay, and her work with Fifth Harmony was tolerable, but every other single she’s dropped has been fucking excruciating. Bad Things sucked, that one song where she can’t pronounce the word “heroin” properly sucked, and this song sucks.

Much like Selena Gomez above, Camila Cabello is yet another female singer who lacks the ability to display any chemistry with anybody, even her actual real friend Shawn Mendes. As well, like sister Gomez, she fills the chart niche of sexy Latina women for men to drool over. “I love it when you call me senorita” is one of the corniest and stupidest lines ever written. She may as well have said “it gets me hot when you call me Ms. Cabello” because that’s essentially the equivalent.

There’s nothing sexy about the airy whimpering or the obnoxious “ooh-la-la”s or the way Shawn harmonizes, which implies he also loves it when you call him senorita. Nobody actually bothered to think any part of this song through because nobody ever thinks very hard about writing Camila’s songs. Otherwise Bad Things wouldn’t have accidentally sounded like an abuse anthem when it was supposed to be kinky and sexy. And it’s how creepy lyrics like this got by in Senorita.

If he says you’re just friends then you’re JUST FRIENDS. Did we learn nothing from Ann-Marie and Marshmello last year?

This is just yet another lame, plotless, meandering love/sex song by Camila Cabello who has a good voice, but only ever performs these god-awful sex jams with no sex and no jam. And it’s unfortunate because this is sort of the lot dealt to most Latinx artists. Pop-friendly artists like Camila are divvied up into racial categories without anyone even noticing, and most likely she will only ever write and perform sex jams because that’s what a Latina woman in pop is pushed into. Not that I think she has any problem with it, it’s more indicative of a bigger problem than specifically one with Camila herself.

People have been sexualizing the Latinx community since the dawn of time, and while the new movement of Spanish music might change this, it sure as hell hasn’t started yet.

At least it isn’t seven minutes long like Te Bote.

9. Money in the Grave - Drake and Rick Ross

Drake had 25 hits last year, and only one of them was a song I might say I actually like. I remember I said there’d be no boring songs, but... Drake hasn’t been interesting in a long time. Even when I found out about his secret son, or the fact that he was with a significantly younger woman, I just kinda shrugged and said “oh”. Drake has to be on his way out. How much longer are people going to stand this?

Money in the Grave isn’t as turgid as 2018’s Nonstop, or as audibly inept as the 2017(?)’s Pop Style, but God. At this point, every Drake song sounds the same. The man is incapable of bringing forth any kind of emotions, his beats are pathetic drum loops, nothing he writes has any personality. It’s almost funny how boring his music is.

Rick Ross, if you remember him, was known in his time for writing shouty drug dealer anthems. He yelled a lot, and I was sitting with bated breath waiting for him to fucking 6ix9ine scream over this track, only to be disappointed when he lowered into a calmer register for this tune. Drake even made Rick Ross boring, and Rick Ross is one of the funniest bad rappers I can think of, aside from like, Soulja Boy.

I no longer understand what niche Drake fills. You can’t dance to this, you can’t get high to it, nobody’s gonna think you’re cool if you enjoy it, the lyrics aren’t even passably interesting. It’s the same rap cliches as always, perhaps with a new coat of paint, but said paint is the same color as it already was previously, and makes no change.

No wonder Drake endorsed Lil Baby. Nobody else can equal his talent at sounding bored.

8. Bad Guy - Billie Eilish

So here’s an unpopular music critic opinion: I don’t like Billie Eilish.

I’ve known of her for a long time, and never once has she drawn my intrigue. I’ve gone all over asking people why they like her, and I’ve heard all sorts of answers. Her voice is good, her lyrics are good, her production is interesting, her subject matter is deep... whatever it actually is, I couldn’t tell you. But in the end, I basically feel the same way about her as I do about Twenty-One Pilots. She’s an artist in an oversaturated micro-genre who, despite being of lower quality than her contemporaries, managed to do something different enough that she rose up in the latter part of the genre’s life. In Billie’s case, it’s the trend of female alt-pop singer-songwriters who write about things like politics, feminism, and ESPECIALLY mental health.

Lorde was the original, but we also have Lana Del Rey, the more pop-friendly Halsey, Marina and the Diamonds, the dreaded Melanie Martinez, to some extent even Alessia Cara, just a whole bunch of them. They all had their own unique personality. Billie Eilish’s personality is that she has none.

Okay, I’m being a little mean. I do think that Billie’s music videos are actually very interesting, but good music videos does not a good musician make. Her voice is more of a phlegmy whisper than people let on, and her lyrics... like, what, what makes them so special? And why didn’t wish you were gay get ANY backlash when it’s basically just a backwards version of Little Big Town’s Girl Crush?

Bad Guy is the worst of her singles without question. Its beat, much like most of her songs, sounds like two people accidentally banged on top of the Cassio and somebody pressed record. Her voice continues to be boring and flat, for some reason she has to whisper everything, and the lyrics are some of the most mind-numbing shit I’ve ever heard. Which moron at corporate told the 17-YEAR-OLD to write a “steal yo man” song where she threatens to seduce my dad? Like, ignoring my own personal history with my dad, you are literally a CHILD.

Generally speaking, the song sounds like someone gargling mouthwash in my ear for a minute or two, but like, very quietly. Which is kind of pathetic for a song called Bad Guy. You sound like a pretty average guy to me.

It’s obvious from the music video that Billie’s main inspiration is grunge, and if that isn’t the case I’ll be surprised. The weird imagery and intentionally dressing like a homeless person to every public thing she does gives off big Nirvana energy. One could argue that Billie Eilish is a good segway into teaching the youthsters about the ghosts of music’s past. There’s just a few problems with that.

One: Bad Guy sounds nothing like a grunge song.

Two: Billie Eilish does not have a grunge voice.

Three: Billie Eilish just... isn’t doing it right.

Billie Eilish’s parents are two wealthy actors and she was basically born with the ability to get into the business easier than other people. I’m not saying that you can’t be a grunge artist if you’re wealthy and have a decent family life, but I am saying that Billie’s music doesn’t convey any kind of grunge appeal. There’s no roughness or rawness to it because she could immediately walk into a producer’s studio with a wad of fifties and ask for a sick beat. Her music displays no emotion, and emotion is the main draw of grunge. Like, Kurt Cobain wasn’t a very good singer, but he knew how to perfectly channel how he was feeling. Grunge music is about feelings, not polish. And Billie Eilish is all polish.

I’m not gonna get all angry because grunge is being gentrified by a tiny girl when it was originally started by broke heroin addicts and lesbians, but I am gonna get angry because her music sounds worse than albums made on a budget of 600 dollars by a guy who has had one voice lesson his whole life.

She should just go into modern art.

7. Worth It - YK Osiris

Originally I was gonna give this spot to a different song. Worth It was so immediately bad that it rescued Lil Baby from my list this year.

Don’t expect to be this lucky next year, bitch.

But we’re not talking about that squealing douchebag, we’re talking about THIS squealing douchebag:

YK Osiris. I have no idea where he came from, I think he was part of last year’s XXL Freshman Class? He’s more of a singer than a rapper, so I’m not sure why he was, other than the predetermined idea that all black artists in pop are rappers. I wouldn’t even call him a singer, because the man cannot sing.

At the beginning of the music video, you see dozens of paparazzi swarming around YK Osiris’ car as he exits with a girl. This is the set-up for the song’s impressive amount of self-fellating narcissism, as YK Osiris assumes he has fans. Who the fuck listens to YK Osiris? I mean, clearly someone, because he charted, but like... what does a YK Osiris fan look like? Do women actually like hearing him wheeze into their ear? Like BEES?

NO MORE BEES!

Hearing this fucking chicken nugget talk about whether or not I’m worth eet is the lamest thing. Why does she have to be worth it? Are YOU worth HER time? Who the fuck are you? The attitude is very, I guess, mid-70′s Paul Anka-esque. And now I’ve made you imagine a YK Osiris cover of You’re Having My Baby. I also remember Todd in the Shadows compared this song to Earned It by The Weeknd, but I dunno if I get that vibe.

I mean, Earned It is a song about like... BDSM sex, presumably. So that’s more of an “if you’re good master will make you squart” kind of thing. This is more some sentient dildo insisting that you prove his worth to him before you’re even DATING. That’s a red flag on the same level as meeting a guy who lives alone and still puts a lock on his fridge. Like, what’s in there? What’s in the fridge? Is it human meat?

The guitar solo in this song is the only thing about it that’s... worth it. ZING!

6. ZEZE - Kodak Black ft.Travis Scott and Offset

ZEZE is a bad song. Plain and simple. It’s the essence of bad.

It feels like... it wasn’t even finished. Like everyone involved came in the next day to finish tweaking it only to find out that it was already sent out to be published and sold. I feel like there are things missing. Like yeah, the steel drums are nice, but where’s the rest of the instrumentation? There’s a drum and a steel drum and then nothing. Why does this song feel so naked?

Kodak Black sure doesn’t help, still sounding like he’s half-man half-screaming rubber chicken and mumbling like an actual infant still figuring out the whole “talking” deal. It’s not like Travis Scott or Offset add anything. I can’t remember what they did. ZEZE sounds the way I imagine taking ketamine and cocaine would feel. This song is so amateurish, I almost have good will for it.

If this was made by, say, a couple of high school kids dinking around with a Garageband, I might find it a little cute. The problem is that this song was made by several Whole Ass Adult People who have enough money to not make shit that sounds like ZEZE. It’s cute until you remember that Travis Scott produced big sexy SICKO MODE and yet somehow his presence couldn’t make ZEZE sound like it was made on a higher budget than 20 bucks. Someone even put an echo on Kodak’s voice, like that’d make him ANY BETTER.

It doesn’t help that I have continuing ill will towards Kodak Black because he’s a sex offender and nobody seems all too pressed about it. (Some rappers even congratulate him for having a rough past, like yeah, I guess some of those serial killers really did deserve better, huh?) I won’t be satisfied until he’s wearing orange pajamas on an island far away, and until then my feelings stand.

As it is, ZEZE is a song so chintzy-sounding and lame that I can’t imagine who would enjoy it. This song has the same energy as one of those hula girls you put on the dashboard of your car: Cheap and ugly.

5. The Git Up - Blanco Brown

Whenever something new is created, there’s always a leech.

I probably don’t need to tell you about the monstrous year Old Town Road had on the pop charts. For weeks and weeks, Lil Nas X was blocking people from his throne at the top of the Billboard Hot 100, bumping off new faces like Billie Eilish and oldheads like Taylor Swift. Old Town Road knew no mercy. This is the year that a gay black kid singing about horses ruled the world.

And Blanco Brown wanted a piece.

Blanco Brown is one of those artists who started out producing and writing for other hitmakers. He worked on some song by 2Chainz, a couple by some woman named Demetria McKinney, he produced that accursed MILF song by Fergie, a lot of relatively famous people. But he looked at Old Town Road and realized that he, being a black man from the lovely state of Georgia, could also do that.

He could not do that.

The Git Up is a husk of a song, only validated by the fact that it achieved what it was aiming for: TikTok memes. It’s as shameless as Watch Me, but doesn’t even have the small sense of excitement Silento gives off. Blanco Brown’s The Git Up and the “challenge” that it’s attached to are pathetic. The only reason Blanco isn’t too ashamed to go outside after writing this is because he knows plenty of people have fallen into his trap, and that they’re bigger fools than he is.

I started off hating Old Town Road, but over time I’ve sort of come to love it. There’s innocence in it. Lil Nas X didn’t mean for it to be a number one hit, it just happened. A lot of artists were trying too hard this past year, and I suspect it’s why Old Town Road made the pop charts its bitch. It didn’t have to try.

A lot of people will point at rock bands for being “fake”. If they draw inspiration from grunge or punk, and they don’t have the proper edge, many will point and laugh. But just because something is fun and hip doesn’t mean it’s easier to make. In fact, I feel it’s a lot easier to tell if someone’s making a shitty pop song for any reason other than themselves. A lot of people thought Lil Peep was faking, and he really, really wasn’t. There’s grey area in topics like depression, but Blanco Brown (and anyone like him) is as transparent as a window. I see through his mock-excitement, his cute little dance challenge, his “innocent” song. We all do.

I believe Tyler Durden put it best:

“Sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken.”

4. I Don’t Care - Ed Sheeran ft. Justin Bieber

Speaking of being fake...

I don’t know if Ed Sheeran realizes how embarrassing this song is. More than any other song he’s been involved in. More than Shape Of You, or that one song on Revival, more than anything. I Don’t Care is an exercise in humiliation.

Generally speaking, I don’t like Ed Sheeran’s music. I think he’s had a couple good songs, we all like Sing and Castle on the Hill, it’s not like he’s untalented. But every time he’s gotten a big hit these past few years it’s been so shitty or mediocre that I wanted to scream. I’m not sure why, but all of his fans seem to flock towards his worst songs. And of all of them, I hate I Don’t Care the most.

Usually the problems with Ed Sheeran’s music just revolve around his meek, tiny personality and his weird style of lyricism. The level of detail he gets into can be both an asset and a detriment. I remember I basically described Shape Of You as a virgin anthem, because Ed Sheeran exudes dorkiness. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t, and when it comes to nerd music I’d rather take Thomas Dolby, but he definitely had a style.

I Don’t Care is Ed’s Intuition.

As in, the Jewel song. The blown-up pop song released by Jewel, a previously sincere folk singer who played acoustic guitar and sang about break-ups and The Media(TM) and stuff like that. Ed Sheeran is a lot like Jewel, if you think about it. Both of them are skilled lyricists who play acoustic guitar and sing about personal topics, and both of them suddenly decided to throw that away and make a sell-out pop hit. If this kills Ed’s career, they’ll have had basically the same musical trajectory.

Ed Sheeran opens the song by saying he’s at a party he doesn’t wanna be at, and that’s how the song feels. You, the listener, are at a party you don’t wanna be at. What good did adding Justin Bieber to this song do? Oh, right, that’s what made it a hit. I Don’t Care goes far beyond Blanco Brown’s brand of shamelessness. Blanco Brown specifically wanted a dance challenge hit. Ed Sheeran just wanted a hit. Any hit will do. He brought in guaranteed hitmaker Justin Bieber, tossed out his acoustic guitar for fully electronic production, and sang about something vague and already done. And the worst part is that it WORKED.

I imagine this was almost entirely through radio play, because this song is so radio-friendly and milktoast it’s unreal. With a stupid music video greenscreening Ed’s face onto shit and “ooh ooh”s and all, this song exists to pander. It wasn’t created for humans, rather, it was created for the pop music algorithm that’ll shove it into people’s laps without them asking. There’s no artistic integrity, nothing worth thinking about for longer than its runtime. It made it to the Hot 100 because it can be played in grocery stores and clothing stores and really any kind of store. Ed Sheeran is a God of nothing, and I can’t imagine he’s proud.

3. No Guidance - Chris Brown ft. Drake

This song is bad on every possible level. Starting off with the fact that it’s nine minutes long. It out-lengths last year’s overly long garbage fire that was Te Bote.

And then you look at the credits and know exactly who’s to blame for all this:

I don’t know if Lil Dicky anticipated giving Chris Brown’s career a second wind with Freaky Friday, but I think that’s what he did. I defended Lil Dicky last year, and I’m still not clear on how much he actually wanted to work with Chris Brown since that’s not really the kind of thing famous people are honest about, but this wasn’t Lil Dicky’s hit. This was a springboard to launch Chris Brown back into the limelight. Earth didn’t even chart. I wouldn’t be surprised if that was the last gasp of Lil Dicky’s career in the spotlight.

But I’d take Freaky Friday over No Guidance any day.

No Guidance is the formal beef-squash between Chris Brown and Drake. Apparently they both dated Rihanna at some point and allegedly had an actual literal bar fight. Despite Drake claiming he still loves Rihanna, he’s also choosing to publicly make up with and work with the man who got her hospitalized at 19 years old. Then again, Rihanna also wants nothing to do with Drake.

(source)

Over time, Drake has proven himself to be his own flavor of scumbag, a weirdo who dates younger women and pretended not to have a son. Perhaps this is his way of getting back at Rihanna. Or he’s simply using Chris Brown’s new power to bolster his own career. Regardless of why it is, it’s gross, especially when he’s dropping bars like this:

Someone else here is looking a little violent, no?

On pure quality, it sounds like every other Chris Brown song, just with Drake tossed into the mix haphazardly. It’s a lame song about hitting on some girl where both artists drop references to their old songs because that’s the easiest way for a failing artist to feign relevance. Assuming nobody features Chris Brown on another massive hit next year, there’s a fair chance he’s done for, and after years of oversaturation, the public finally tires of Drake. No Guidance is a nothing song with scummy shit going on behind the scenes.

RIP Lil Dicky.

2. 7 Rings - Ariana Grande

I never really understood the hype around Ariana Grande. She has a few songs that I enjoy, and her voice is very good, but nothing by her really stands out to me as an amazing song. Ariana stans are relentless. When I posted my review of the thank u, next album some complete stranger replied to it with “Uhhh ok sis”. Like barring the fact that I’m not a girl and we’re not related... it’s an opinion, calm yourself.

Frankly I don’t know how people enjoyed this song. Her stans are insane, but surely not that insane, right? I mean... this isn’t a song. It’s a MISTAKE.

Between Gwen Stefani and Ariana Grande, sampling The Sound Of Music for your pop song is a dangerous game. And really, she should’ve sampled like, anything else. Because nothing says “wealthy, savage girl” like a cute song about your favorite things, I guess!

I’ve never felt quite so immediately gross and uncomfortable as I did when listening to 7 Rings. I have no problem with women flexing, of course I don’t, but this isn’t flexing, it’s mocking. 7 Rings makes me feel like I’m being bullied.

Ari had a horrible 2018, and she’s more than allowed to flex a little, but I can’t imagine why anyone would want to essentially play the villain of a high school movie. She’s not Cher Horowitz or Regina George, because then at least she’d be entertainingly bitchy. I judge a flex anthem based on how much I get excited for the person being wealthy and cool. This song makes me want to commit a robbery.

The lyrical content isn’t the only bad element. It also sounds like shit!

Ariana Grande is a belter. Everyone knows she’s here to sing and not... rap. Which is exactly what she does on this song. The filters she puts over her voice during the rapping sections are just... gross. When she drags out certain words it hurts my ears. That and apparently multiple people have accused her of stealing their flows, though that’s really hard to say since it’s an incredibly generic rap flow. Also, she samples Gimme The Loot by Biggie Smalls, a song about robbing people. Which makes sense because if you bought Ariana’s album, you were robbed! Congrats!

But in the end, the most damning thing about this song is its lyrics. Why should I be excited about this absolute bitch having tons of money? Why should I care when she has the gall to say shit like this?

There were ten writers on this song and nobody thought of saying “hey, maybe the phrase ‘happiness is the same price as red-bottoms’ is a little fucking shallow!”

And I’m not making any judgments on Ariana’s character in real life. I’m sure she’s a perfectly nice person, but if this song was supposed to project some sense of camaraderie and a “we did it!” attitude, it fails. What it does project is a snide, rich girl looking down on you for not just buying yourself out of depression. Never write a song like this again.

Honorable Mentions

Happier - Marshmello and Bastille

I’m not gonna be the first to say every Marshmello beat sounds exactly the same, but every Marshmello beat sounds the same. I picked this one because it charted highest, but really it makes no difference which Marshmello song I pick on.

Sweet But Psycho - Ava Max

This song reads like a 12-year-old’s deviantART journal.

Drip Too Hard - Lil Baby and Gunna

Like I said, this song almost got on the list proper. It’s a slow burn. At first you feel like the beat is solid, and Lil Baby rides it decently enough, but then it keeps going and the flows never switch and Gunna basically sounds the same as Lil Baby and you begin feeling like you’re losing your mind.

Thotiana - Blueface

People kept memeing about this. I thought it’d be fun. I hate you guys.

God’s Country - Blake Shelton

Namedropping The Devil Went Down To Georgia does not make you Primus. Because you are not creative or interesting.

Trampoline - Shaed

I wouldn’t have even given this song a second thought except apparently it’s hit the alt-rock charts? Where is this rock? Like I get we’re pushing the boundaries of genre but I think the bare minimum of a rock song would be a GUITAR.

Knockin’ Boots - Luke Bryan

This song is dumb. But I’m oddly amused by how dumb it is, so it may live.

Baby - Lil Baby and DaBaby

Sometimes things sound like a good idea, and then they’re not. This didn’t even sound like a good idea and it proved to be an even worse idea. Something definitely could’ve been done with this, but Lil Baby is essentially a creative void that consumes all it sees.

Someone You Loved - Lewis Capaldi

Another song that’s too dumb for me to really get mad at. God knows, Capaldi is putting a hell of a lot of effort into something. What it is, I’m not sure, but he’s doing his best.

With those out of the way, we move onto

Number One:

You Need To Calm Down - Taylor Swift

"I AM LAID LOW BY THE HUMAN RACE. ME, AN INNOCENT WOMAN, MUST DEAL WITH ‘HATERS’ EVERY SINGLE DAY. MY HEART HAS BECOME WEAK WITH ALL OF THE UNKIND WORDS. DARE I SAY... I AM OPPRESSED?”

It’s ironic hearing Taylor Swift tell me to calm down. She hasn’t been calm for a long time. She sure as hell isn’t calm in this song. It’s basically the equivalent of someone screaming “I AM NOT ANGRY!”

Like, you’re... still mad about the snake thing? It’s been a few years now and you’re still bothered enough by an emoji that you referenced it in a song about how not-bothered you are? I mean, apparently this song (as well as ME!) is about celebrating individuality. It definitely is celebrating an individual: Taylor Swift.

I think a big theme of this year was “embarrassing”. The Git Up was embarrassing, I Don’t Care was embarrassing, but none of them are more embarrassing than this. You could probably do a list of the ten worst Taylor Swift lyrics and it’d be mostly this song. And if the lyrics aren’t terrible enough, it also blatantly copies the beat from Sunflower, the second-biggest hit of the year and a personal favorite. Like, a fellow critic remixed them together and the backing track is essentially unchanged.

And then we get to the gay stuff.

I’m not the first to point out that the underlying message of this song is pathetic at best and offensive at worst: “I have haters, and gays have haters, so we’re basically the same.” This is essentially Taylor Swift hoping she’ll get an invite to judge on RuPaul’s Drag Race.

There’s just kind of an eensy weensy problem.

Gay “haters” are like... ACTUALLY DANGEROUS.

They’re not just the goofy, protest-sign waving boomers she depicts in her music video. An internet comment is harmless. Homophobia isn’t. Homophobia leads to suicide, gets teens kicked out of their homes, causes hate crimes, it can cause incredibly serious harm. Someone sending you a fucking snake emoji isn’t the same as years and years of systematic oppression!

Does Taylor Swift have to worry about her safety when she tours in more conservative areas? Does she have to fear the possibility of losing friends and family ties when opening up about herself? Does she have to worry about letting the public see who she dates, beyond the usual celebrity drama? Do people shout slurs at her on the street? Do churches and politicians campaign against her right to marry?

Of course not.

Taylor Swift has always made everything about herself. She’s lied and been petty for years and years in her music. Imagine lying about KANYE. You don’t need to lie about fucking Kanye to make him look bad! He does it himself! She was the victim that time, and every time. But at no point until now did she stoop low enough to openly compare herself to oppressed groups because people are mean to her on the internet.

Like this isn’t even about articles or tabloids or anything, it’s about people being nasty online. The phrase “shade never made anybody less gay” is basically a crackhead way of diminishing our suffering. It’s not “shade” we’re worried about, Taylor, it’s having our fucking legal rights taken away. Your biggest worry is “haters”. Haters aren’t going to ban you from being married.

This song is phony, it’s a rip-off of a much better song that literally came out in the same year, it’s repetitive, it’s petty, and most of all, it tries to diminish the oppression of the LGBT+ community by boiling down all of our pain and suffering to simple “shade”.

I will not calm down.

Woo-ee. That was something alright. We’ll be moving onto the best list soon, if I don’t get caught up in my other quarantine activities.

#panda posts #top 10 list #worst hits of 2019 #top 10 worst hits of 2019 #worst hits #pop song review #pop music #music criticism #music review

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tilltheendwilliwrite · 7 years ago

Text

Balance on the Head of a Pin

Chapter Twenty Five

Previous Chapter

Pairing: Loki Laufeyson x OFC | Word Count: 7825 Warnings: none

Lauren’s gaze remained on the empty place Loki had once occupied for a few long heartbeats before she finally managed to make her body work again. She shook. Not from fear, but from relief. Though she’d only learned of the bond growing between herself and Loki hours ago, the niggling concern she’d be unable to fulfill the final step when, really, she had no idea how she’d managed the first four, had left her doubting herself.

What if she messed up? What if she never figured out what the magical secret was? What if she failed and Loki never found peace?

She realized now what a stupid thought that had been. It hadn’t been something she had to do, but something she needed to accept. In that single moment of blinding clarity when he’d held her against him, and she’d let go, surrendered to him completely, it had been so clear. There was nowhere in the world she wanted to be more than with him, at his side, forever.

Everything she’d told Sadie, the incredible fairytale romance which she’d somehow become the leading lady in had led her to one realization. She could be happy, whatever came, whatever the future held, as long as she was with Loki. With that thought, she’d fully committed.

On shaky legs, she turned to face the mirror and lifted a trembling hand to her throat. The green stone was incredible. She’d never seen anything like it, not that that surprised her. It flickered with inner fire and was warm to the touch. Such a soothing warmth. It gave her the same feeling of comfort being in Loki’s arms did.

The serpents were beautiful. So realistic, they looked as if the could come alive and bite with those wickedly sharp fangs. Tiny black gems for eyes glittered, and though the torque was gold, it was a multitude of tones. Everything from the shiniest, brightest gold, gleaming like the sun, to the deepest of antique. There were even hints of green and rose glinting from the scales. It was the most exquisitely detailed piece of jewelry she had ever seen.

It was nearly impossible to drag her eyes from it, but she knew she had to. There was a party to oversee and two gods of Asgard to keep an eye on. Plus whatever mischief Loki had gotten up to in the ballroom.

She couldn’t imagine anything needing to be changed, not with how refined his tastes were, but… it wouldn’t hurt to make sure.

The box Sadie mentioned was small and flat, and Lauren lifted off the lid to reveal pink tissue paper. From inside, she pulled out an off-white silk teddy which was, to her mind, not much better than no underwear at all, but - her thoughts turned to later that night and Loki’s face when the dress fell to reveal… this.

Oh, yes. She would definitely wear the teddy.

It was exceptionally low cut in the back, but with her dress, it was a necessity. The silk was seamless, contouring to her body as Lauren drew it up. She slipped her arms through the holes, noting the deep cut to the sides and minor boning in the front which lent support to her breasts.

She caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror and had to smirk a little. Loki would swallow his tongue when he saw her. At least, she hoped he would. He left her breathless so often, she’d really like to return the favour.

Her dress was hanging on the back of the door, looking elegant and beautiful, and when she touched it, a shiver of pleasure snaked its way through her body. The party had suddenly become even more important to her.

If this were her, for lack of a better term, Asgardian binding day, she would cherish every minute of it. Nothing would spoil tonight. Not her mother or her sisters. Not anything.

She slipped the dress on carefully and smoothed it out. Yes, Sadie was a damn genius, but Loki’s addition of the golden chain across her shoulders and down her spine had also been brilliant.

Tonight she felt regal. She felt like the absolute belle of the ball. When she looked into the mirror again, she wondered at the glow which seemed to radiate from within. Was it her happiness which made her seem so? Or was it something more? She’d have to ask Loki to know for sure.

She quietly opened the door to see Sadie tugging up the side zipper on a strapless sequined red dress that fell only to mid-thigh, showing off her incredible legs and the sky-high white pumps with the sparkle-encrusted heels.

“Wow, Sadie!” Lauren gasped.

“I know right?” she giggled, reaching for the bracelet of diamonds and rubies Marcus had given her as a wedding gift.

Lauren remembered it vividly as she’d helped him pick it out, managed to haggle him a deal and keep him from buying anything gaudy. The tennis bracelet had been a perfect fit for both budget and bride.

Sadie turned to seek assistance, only to have the item slide through her fingers to the floor. “Oh, my god… oh… oh, my god! Is that… did you… how? Y’all were gone all of ten minutes!”

Lauren laughed even as her eyes watered and waved a hand at her face to keep the tears at bay. “I know!”

“Okay, okay, okay.” Sadie fanned her own face. “No cryin’. Neither of us can afford blotchy faces, but what the hell happened?”

Lauren shook her head. “I can’t, or I’ll cry. Just,” she hurried across the room and hugged her friend, “I want you to know him much you mean to me Sadie. Talkin’ about all that’s happened, gettin’ it out, helped put things in perspective.”

“Oh, dang it all, Lu! Why’d you have to go and say that?” Sadie sniffled.

“Because, Sadie, you’re my best friend, and I love you with every bit of my heart.” Lauren held her close as both grew teary-eyed and sniffled.

“Okay! Enough of bein’ sappy old women.” She pushed Lauren back. “My goodness though, Lu. You look like someone lit a firework inside you. You just sparkle!”

Lauren blushed as she crouched to pick up Sadie’s bracelet. “You’re the one who sparkles. Look at that dress.”

Sadie ran her hands down her side. “Well, I bought it before I found out about the baby and figured if it still fit, I was gonna wear it.”

“You look great, really.”

A pout replaced Sadie’s smile. “I’m kinda annoyed.” She turned sideways in the mirror. “No bump.”

“Give it time,” Lauren snickered as she clipped Sadie’s bracelet around her wrist. “I’m sure you’ll be complainin’ about too much bump in no time.”

“I suppose you’re right about that.” Sadie snickered and hurried over to the garment bag, hung up on the inside of Lauren’s closet door. “Now, I know we talked about shoes when y’all were at the store, but after Loki added his embellishments, I thought maybe these might be better.”

Lauren gasped when Sadie turned with the stunning gold shoes in hand. “Sadie! They’re gorgeous! But how?”

She waved a dismissive hand. “A few years back someone,” she rolled her eyes, “insisted she just had to have the gold weddin’ shoe from the Dolce and Gabbana line.” She crouched to set the heavily embellished shoe on the ground in front of Lauren. “Took me ages to finally get them in, and once I did she who shall not be named, lil’ miss prissy pants, decided they were too gaudy for her taste. More like her mama saw the price tag and threw a fit. They’ve been sittin’ in my stockroom takin’ up space ever since.”

“Did you at least keep her deposit?” Lauren asked as she lifted her dress and stepped into the first pump, knowing damn well Sadie was talking about Georgia Dalton.

“Damn right I did. The entire thirty percent and when she bitched about it, I explained, ever so nicely, that her thirty percent was to cover the cost of the shoes sittin’ in my stockroom cause no one else in their right mind would ever pay that kind of price for a pair of shoes.” Sadie fit the second shoe to Lauren’s foot and got back to her fee. “Well, except maybe your mama or Cissy.”

Lauren rotated her foot back and forth, watching the dark gold gleam. “You sure you ain’t gonna catch hell for this?” she asked softly.

“They’ve been collectin’ dust for four long years. It’s time someone wore them, and you just happen to have the same size feet as her, unlike me, or I would have worn them years ago.”

Lauren let go of her dress, sending the hem fluttering to the floor and took a final look at the two of them in the mirror. She ran her hands over the middle of her dress and tried not to bite her lip.

“Lu,” Sadie took her hand, “you look amazin’. No, more than that. You look like a princess like you belong on Loki’s arm. Tonight, no matter what anyone says, you hold your chin up, you stand tall, and you remember the fact that only you were special enough to earn the love of a god.”

“It’s like goin’ to war every time we do this,” Lauren whispered, clenching her shaking fist against her stomach.

“Yeah, Lu. I know, but this time you have two Avengers standin’ at your back. Remember who your friends are. Remember where your real family is at.” Sadie hugged her tight and tugged her toward the balcony doors. “Time to knock the socks off the men!”

Lauren breathed deep and pushed open the door only to have her heart stutter. “Loki.”

He’d changed his attire to that of a formal suit and looked like he’d stepped from the pages of a magazine. Not quite black, the three-piece suit was a dark grey with a sheen to it, the vest buttoned over a crisp white shirt. His tie had threads of gold worked into it which, on closer inspection, mimicked the serpentine pattern her pendant had once held. The pocket square tucket up by his lapel was of the same fabric, and Lauren smiled.

“You look wonderful!” she sighed, taking his offered hands when he made his way over.

“No, my darling. It is you who looks amazing. So radiant. You glow, my heart.” He kissed her cheek before holding her hands out to send an appreciative gaze over her. “Sadie dear, you have my thanks.”

Sadie blushed when Loki bowed to her. “Oh, well, Lu makes it easy. What can I say.”

***

But Loki wasn’t just speaking of the dress, or the hair, or Lauren’s shoes. He was talking about all of it. Every word which had passed the woman’s lips in these last few minutes had been spoken to lift his Lauren up. To raise her from the quagmire of despair and uncertainty her family had tried continuously to drown her in.

Sadie was a true friend, a real sister to his Lauren. In no way would Loki ever be able to repay the petite brunette for all she’d done to continue to bolster Lauren when her spirits flagged.

“Shall we?” he said instead, waving his hand and opening a portal.

“Oh, but Sadie is…” Lauren looked at her friend.

“With child. I am aware. She will be fine, darling.” He held out his hand to the woman practically bouncing on her tall shoes.

“I have no idea how you know that, but I don’t care! I’m so in!” Sadie squealed and gripped his hand tightly.

Loki chuckled. Her enthusiasm was charming. “Let us start with the garden.”

“Garden?” Lauren asked as she stepped through on his arm.

“Oh! That’s a bit of a head rush, ain’t it?” Sadie giggled as they arrived at the edge of the garden.

“It takes getting used to,” Loki said, nodding to Thor who was waiting for them. He cast a critical eye over his brother who had managed to shift his own attire to something resembling formal wear. “One would think you had learned something of fashion from all the parties Stark throws.” He flicked his fingers and corrected things, so Thor no longer looked as if he’d purchased an ill-fitting suit off the rack.

“I’m not even sure why I packed a suitcase at this point,” Lauren snickered.

Thor, meanwhile, had zeroed in on the torque gleaming with the low light of evening.

“My bonded Ástvinur, brother,” Loki smiled proudly.

“Lauren,” Thor whispered, voice hoarse before he walked forward and dropped to a knee at her feet, took up her hand and brought it to his forehead. “I can’t express… you have given me… thank you.”

She gently cupped his cheek, her eyes shining with hard-fought tears. “Please don’t. I can’t keep fixin’ my makeup.”

He chuckled and lurched to his feet to sweep her up in a hug that lifted Lauren into the air. “My sister! You have done it, my sister!” he bellowed, laughing his big booming laugh as he swung them around in a circle.

“Please don’t break my wife,” Loki muttered, arching a brow at his brother.

“Wife!?” Sadie squeaked, her eyes growing round.

“By Asgardian standards, yes. Though we have yet to wed by Midgard law, for all express purposes Lauren is most certainly my wife.” Loki held out his hand to draw her back to his side when Thor released her, only to be grabbed himself and pounded heartily on the back.

“Then you should give it to her,” his brother insisted once he’d let Loki go, crossing his arms over his chest and glaring sternly.

“You know how she feels about that,” Loki huffed.

“What?” Lauren asked.

“She already wears mother’s bracers. You know Frigga would have wanted her to have it,” Thor argued.

“Have what?” Lauren asked.

“But she has no desire to be put in that position,” Loki countered, glaring at Thor.

“Hey!” Lauren smacked Loki in the chest. “Standin’ right here! Stop talkin’ over me like I’m not!”

“Forgive me, darling.” Loki sighed, continuing to glare at Thor whom he was certain was about to get him in trouble. “My brother is referring to this.” He turned his hand over, allowing the circlet of delicately worked gold and precious white stones to appear in his palm.

“Oh!” she gasped and recoiled slightly. “Is that… what I think it is?”

“It was our mother’s. The one she wore most often for daily summons and court appearances,” Thor explained, his eyes bright with excitement.

“Oh, but I…” Lauren trailed off when she looked at Sadie.

“You’ll never know until you try, Lulu,” Sadie encouraged.

She took a deep breath, and Loki held his. Would she accept? Dare she? It was a huge step but, as he’d continuously been telling her, the people of Asgard would love her as their princess.

“Maybe… maybe I could… try it on?” she said, a nervous flush adding pink to her cheeks.

Loki somehow managed to keep his features schooled as he murmured, “You certainly should.” He took the circlet, far stronger than its delicate appearance belied, much like Lauren herself, and placed it down over her brow. It was barely the width of his thumb. Refined. Elegant. Exquisite against the softness of her skin.

“Oh, Lauren,” Sadie sighed, her hand going to her mouth as her eyes watered. “I feel like I should curtsey and call you, your highness!”

Lauren’s eyes grew very round. “No! Don’t be doin’ that, Sadie.” She reached up to take it off, but Loki captured her hands.

“You look lovely, my heart.” A wisp of magic rose to slide the circlet beneath the top layer of her hair, leaving only the band across her forehead visible. “There. It is not so noticeable, but it makes me happy to know you wear it.”

Her cheeks were quite red, and she trembled slightly prompting Loki to send a glance Thor’s way.

“Lady Sadie.” Thor smiled at the woman. “Why don’t you and I take a turn around the garden?” Though it was voiced as a question, he didn’t allow the woman to deny him, simply swept her arm into his and started away.

Loki brought Lauren’s hands to his chest and set them there before gently cupping her cheeks. “What’s wrong, elskan min?”

“It’s just… a lot to get used to. I’m not sure about this whole… princess thing.”

“I know, darling.” He brushed his thumbs over her cheeks. “It is only a pretty piece of jewelry. I can remove it if you wish?”

She sighed. “Thor’s really pushy, ain’t he?”

“That he is,” Loki chuckled softly.

“Sadie said I should try it, that maybe I’d like it if I gave it a chance.”

“Your friend is quite smart.”

“She has her moments.” A small smile curled Lauren’s lips.

“What’s really bothering you, love?”

“Mama’s parties give me anxiety,” she sighed, stepping into him and sliding her hands up his chest to wrap behind his neck as his went around her. She rested her cheek against him. “You didn’t hear what she said earlier, did you?”

“When your father intervened?” She nodded. “No. Why? What did she say?”

“Nothin’. It’s not relevant anymore.” She settled further into him.

Loki couldn’t help but let his hands dip into the edges of her dress, caressing her bare back. “Now I am quite curious. What did she say?”

“Promise me you won’t freak out?”

His hand drifted up her back to the nape of her neck where the tails of the serpents twined together creating the clasp of her torque. “I promise.” It was an easy one to make, knowing she was forever more his.

“She said I shouldn’t be wastin’ my time bein’ a princess when I could be queen.”

“What!” he snarled.

She gave his hair a tug. “You promised.”

He calmed instantly. “Apologies. I was understandably surprised, though, why it still surprises me when people prefer Thor is a mystery. They always prefer Thor.”

“Not me,” she whispered, lifting her head to look at him. “I never have. It’s always been you, Loki.”

“Elskan min,” he growled softly and ducked his head to kiss her lush red lips. He could feel the love swell in her heart, so much stronger now with the jewel pulsing at her throat. Loki slipped his fingers beneath her hair and cupped the base of her skull, holding her tight to him with a firmly splayed hand on the bare skin of her lower back.

He licked her lip and slipped between them to flick his tongue over the tip of hers, press and stroke them together, and when she whimpered that soft, sweet mewl of desire he was coming to know so well, he tilted his head, sealed their mouths together and moaned.

His magic spiralled with it, trickling down to fill her with his power. While she couldn’t use it, it wasn’t about to flow out of her like it had a few days ago in the helicopter. This time it remained, humming inside her, and when he lifted his head to look down at her, her lashes fluttered open to reveal emerald eyes which glimmered with the green of his magic. Gold flecks sparkled in the depths, and she was, quite simply, the most gorgeous creature he’d ever laid eyes on.

“Your beauty knows no end tonight, my heart.” He’d thoroughly wrecked her lipstick, though, and ran his thumb over her lips to fix it before swiping his hand over his mouth to remove what had transferred. While he’d enjoyed the red painted on her lush mouth, he preferred the glossy texture she regularly employed and gave the red a high sheen. Now, they looked like the skin of a ripe apple waiting to be bitten.

“Thank you, peaches.” She straightened his tie, pausing when her gaze landed on the cuffs around her wrists. “Were these really Frigga’s?”

“They were. There were a few key pieces she’d always said would be mine one day. Mine for my Ástvinur should I desire them.” He turned and tucked her arm into the crook of his elbow. “I took them to be petty when I left Asgard. They were mine by right. Left to me by Frigga. Though we were on poor terms when she passed, I do not believe she would have ever struck that wish from her heart. And I wanted them,” he shrugged, “a piece of her to keep close. The comb from earlier was also hers.” It had been laying on Lauren’s dresser, and he’d quickly put it away, not daring to leave it out where Cissy’s sticky fingers could find it.

“I thought them regal before. Now that I know they were hers, I’ll cherish them,” she said, touching one gently.

“We shared a special bond, Frigga and I because of seiðr, the type of magic we do. I know she would have loved you quite fiercely had she lived and shown you off proudly.” She blushed, as he’d expected, making him chuckle as they rounded the first hedgerow.

Lauren gasped staring at the image before her. “Loki… what… how?”

He smiled proudly. “Mother has been on my mind much lately. This is my tribute to her.” He swept his hand out, setting thousands of lights ablaze around the twisting knots of the rose garden. Flowers burst into bloom, filling the air with their fragrance as red and white and deep ocean blue unfurled around them. But in the very center of the intricate paths and raised beds, stood a pool of sparkling blue water toward which he led a speechless Lauren.

“Oh, my gosh, Lauren!” Sadie cried, jumping up and down beside Thor. “Y’all have got to see this!”

Lauren was staring at the tree rising from the water. At the flowers dripping from its branches. The Fortryllende was in full bloom, tall and stately, but it wasn’t the tree Sadie was enthralled with, unaware of its importance.

“Loki… that’s the flower you made for Gran.” Tears sparkled on her lashes.

“It is. Odin’s gift to Frigga. A fitting addition to tonight, seeing as my intended is now my bonded. I will have to give Father a hard time. It certainly didn’t take me one-hundred days to entice my chosen to me.” He snickered, and Thor chuckled. “But I believe Sadie is referring to the creatures swimming among the roots, not the tree itself.”

He led Lauren to the water’s edge. “Look, darling.” Loki crouched and dangled his fingers in the water, calling one closer. It curled its way around his wrist to climb up and sit, wet and dripping, on the back of his hand.

“Oh, my stars!” Lauren squeaked as she crouched down beside him, Sadie and Thor looking on. “It’s a little dragon!”

Loki chuckled and shook his head. “It is a Voktere. They are the keepers of Fortryllende trees, tending the roots and seeing them free of pests and disease. When Odin created the flowers, and in turn the trees, these flocked to them in droves.” He pet the small head of the dragon-like creature. Scaled and reptilian, they had long sinuous bodies, came in a variety of jewel tones and had tails similar to fancy fish with large flowing fins.

When Lauren reached out tentatively, Loki shook his head while urging the creature off his hand. “I am afraid these are all illusion, my darling. One day I will take you to the Fortryllende tree in Frigga’s actual garden and introduce you to the Voktere for real.” He showed her his hand, free of water.

“Loki’s illusions have increased in potency nearly one-hundred fold,” Thor said proudly. “His magic has become something to marvel at, my sister.”

“How much of this is an illusion?” Lauren asked, taking Loki’s offered hands when he rose to help her back to her feet.

“A good portion. A few strategically placed beds contain the roses for scent, but for the rest,” he ran his hand through a hedge and made it waver, “simply a pleasing façade.”

“Y’all must be a riot ‘round Halloween!” Sadie clapped excitedly.

“If one could get him to participate,” Thor nudged Loki’s shoulder.

Loki rolled his eyes and heaved a heavy sigh. “It is such a trite holiday. Everything is either zombies or werewolves or vampires.” He snapped his teeth together and smiled a set of sharp fangs. “What’s so scary about this?”

Heat flared, a delicious shiver of it that raced through him from the heart stone. He snapped his gaze down to Lauren and found pink cheeks and lustful eyes staring at his mouth.

“Perhaps this year I will consider participating.” He grinned and stroke a fang with his tongue.

Lauren swallowed rather hard. “My what big teeth you have,” she whispered, her hand coming up to flutter before landing on his chest.

“I believe those were the next set of teeth over,” he chuckled wickedly, letting his eyes run to gold before returning to green.

“Damn,” Sadie sighed. “Y’all are tryin’ to kill the rest of us.” She fanned her face rapidly.

Thor chuckled and collected her hand to his elbow. “Asgardians have few reservations when it comes to worldly pleasures. We are a sensual people,” he purred to Sadie.

“Thor! Cut it out!” Lauren barked. “Stop flirtin’ with my friend.”

“No, no. Keep goin’. Please,” Sadie giggled.

Lauren shook her head. “Two words, Sadie June. Marcus and baby.”

“Spoilsport,” Sadie pouted.

“You are with child?” Thor grinned big and wide. “How auspicious! A blessing on you, fair Sadie. May your son or daughter be favoured by the gods and successful in their chosen future.” With that said, he leaned down and kissed her square on the mouth.

“What in the blue blazes?”

Lauren turned to see Marcus and Lafayette come through the flower maze. “Marcus!”

Thor lifted his head with a grin. “Ah! The father-to-be!” He set Sadie away from him, made sure she was stable, and practically bounced across the space to take Marcus by the shoulders. “Congratulations, my friend! You and your lovely wife will have a child blessed by Thor!”

It was as Thor was pounding the life out of Marcus in a bone-crushing hug that Lauren turned to Loki. “Huh?” she asked, gesturing between Sadie and Marcus.

Loki gave a long-suffering sigh. “While God of Thunder is his preferred title, Thor is also the God of Fertility.”

Her mouth fell open. “What?”

“There were a few centuries when Father was ready to rip his hair out because of Thor’s appeal to women.” Loki snickered.

“So… the way he handled mama and Marabeth?”

“It’s a gift.”

“And this?” She motioned toward Sadie.

“Exactly what he said it was. He’s blessed her and their child.”

Lauren snorted in obvious amusement, turning her face into his chest. “Does that mean Sadie’s baby is goin’ to be better behaved, or just like Thor is?”

“You know,” Loki bit back a chuckle, “I have no idea. I’ve never been interested enough to find out how a blessing goes.”

“Maybe… maybe we should see how this one goes… before we let him bless any of ours?” she whispered, glancing up at him and biting her lip.

The intense surge of desire which raced through him with that question was strong enough to knock down a mountain, but he contained it, just barely, to bend close to her ear and murmur, “Or, we keep going until he gets it right.”

She jerked back to glare at him. “Just how many babies you think I’m gonna be havin’?”

“As many or as few as you want, my heart.” He skimmed his fingers up her spine, setting the slim chains swinging sensually against her back. “Whatever makes you happy, darling.” She sighed, a smile pulling at her lips when she rested her head against his heart.

Over her head, however, he levelled a hard look at Lafayette who seemed unable to pull his eyes from Lauren’s bare back. He stood next to Thor, mouth agape, while his brother thoroughly disconcerted Sadie’s husband.

“Come, darling. I will show you the rest before more guests arrive.” Loki dropped his hand to lay possessively against her lower back. “Brother, you have quite made your point. Let us continue on while the lady Sadie and her husband catch up.”

“Right, right.” Thor gripped Marcus’s shoulders tightly. “A virile male! It is good!” He slapped the man’s arms heartily, turned and made his way toward them, offering the still stunned Sadie a short bow. “Until later.”

“Huh? Yeah. Dance.” Sadie nodded.

They were nearly back to the terrace, out of earshot of the three they’d left behind when Lauren burst out laughing. “I think that’s the first time in years I’ve seen Sadie tongue-tied!” Though she laughed, her eyes were in constant motion and full of excitement, lighting up in wonder or awe when her gaze alighted on something new which pleased her.

Her happiness simply bubbled out of her.

“It is so rare I meet a woman in the first blush of her pregnancy. It puts a pep in one’s step!” Thor chuckled. “Perhaps I am overzealous, but new life should be celebrated. Too often all we see is death and the aftermath of destruction. It is good to see the renewal as well.”

Lauren came to a stop and turned toward Thor where she pressed up on her toes and kissed his cheek. “Y’all are just a big softy.”

“Complete with a gooey center,” Loki agreed.

“The same one that lies beneath your hard shell,” Lauren quipped, picking up her dress in the front to take the terrace stairs.

Loki took her free hand, ignoring the comment, while Thor cupped her elbow to assist her up the stairs. “There is still time to change anything you dislike,” he assured Lauren, trying not to fidget. Thor threw him a look which clearly said he was being stupid, but he couldn’t help the small niggling feeling that she would hate it.

“If it’s anythin’ like the garden? What wouldn’t I… like… oh, Loki!” she gasped, staring open-mouthed at her surroundings. Her hand left his as she walked further into the room to tilt her head back and stare at the ceiling. “How?” she asked.

He tucked his hands into his pockets and looked up with her. “There’s a cave on Vanaheim. The ceiling is made of such crystal.” The five chandeliers had been replaced by three large stalactites, a multitude of smaller crystals filing in space around them. Thor’s lightning was caught in the center crystal but had jumped to both outer ones as well, creating a soft glow over the room, forming shadows on the walls and floor with the cloudy nature of the smoky crystal.

The light from the windows was beginning to fade, and as it did, the blue sparks he’d set in the sheers became more apparent, floating much like the fireflies had. Lauren’s hand shook where it hovered over her lips as she took in the floor and the forest of trees along the walls.

There was a band setting up in the corner near the rear of the room, and Loki urged Lauren toward the side rooms. “Thor thought a taste of home wouldn’t be out of place tonight.”

She said nothing as she stepped into the first room, dark but for flickering candles and twinkling sky. Sue Ann was puttering, but she only looked up, grinned at Loki, smiled appreciatively at Lauren, and went back to arranging the food.

As he led Lauren away, Thor remained behind. The sound of fingers getting smacked made Loki smirk, but Lauren’s silence was beginning to concern him.

In the next room with the blue-lit bar and ceiling full of vines, she inhaled sharply as she made her way toward the man at the back who swiftly poured her a glass of wine, evidently aware of her preferences.

“Thanks, Mike,” she whispered hoarsely.

“The place looks incredible, miss Lauren. I was mighty impressed. Knew it had to be your doin’.” The man nodded at her and smiled.

“His doin’,” she said pointing at Loki after downing a healthy swallow of wine.

Loki gave a slight shrug and took her hand to lead her to the final room.

There, beneath the branches laden with flowers, under twinkling lights, and reflected by mirrors, she set her glass on a table and burst into tears.

His heart stopped. “No! No, no!” Loki leapt forward to drag her into his arms. “You can’t cry! I’ll fix it! I’ll fix everything! Just tell me what I did wrong?”

“Nothin’!” she sobbed, sliding her arms up to wrap them around his neck.

His heart kicked hard and restarted. “Then why are you crying, love?”

“Because!”

He wanted to laugh, she was so damn adorable but fought it back. “That is not really an answer.”

“It’s p-perfect!” she wailed.

“Then you should be happy, my heart, not soaking me in your tears.”

“You don’t,” she gasped, “understand!”

He stroked her back and shifted them over until he could urge her into a chair and sat with their knees touching. With a flick of his wrist, he produced a square of linen and gently wiped her face. “Help me understand.”

She took the linen to mop her wet cheeks, breathed out a shaky breath, and wiped her nose. “These parties, they’re… they’re like goin’ into battle. No matter how hard I’d try, somehow I’d always fail. Never good enough, that was me. But this,” she looked up at the ceiling, black tracking her cheeks from her makeup, “this is like a fairytale come true. Like walkin’ into another world. I’ve never seen… anythin’ so, so magical.”

Her chin wobbled, and Loki reached out to cup her cheek. “You, my sweet, kind, precious, Lauren have never been a failure. You excel at everything you try your hand at. If your mother or your sisters claimed you were a failure it was out of jealousy or spite. I am certain even tonight they will find something of fault for that is how they are, but it is not you who is the problem. It is them. It always has, and will always be them.”

“It’s easy to hear and easy to say, but harder to believe,” she sighed, leaning into his touch.

“I know. I know, darling.” He pulled her closer and let his forehead rest against hers. “I can only tell you, you are not responsible for them. You are not responsible for their happiness. You are not at fault for their misery. The only one you are responsible for making happy is you.”

“Loki.” She threaded her fingers through his hair while clutching the cloth in her lap.

“And me. I will always strive toward making you happy.”

A fresh tear trickled down her cheek as she shifted from her chair to his lap. “You make me… so happy,” she whispered hoarsely.

He stole the handkerchief back to catch the fresh tears. “That’s good, my sweet, but your tears hurt my heart, even the happy ones. Your eyes should never be wet.” Of course saying so caused a fresh flood of tears to fall from her eyes.

“I love you, Loki. I love you,” she said softly, her hands clinging to his neck.

“I know, pet, as I love you.” He wiped her tears and kissed her, gentle brushes of soft lips tasting of salt but not sorrow, until they slowed to a stop. “No more tears. Not tonight. Tonight, though it is known only to a few, we celebrate our binding.” He touched her torque lightly then encouraged her to her feet where he cupped her face as she grasped his wrists.

Green eyes, now red-rimmed, would not stay so. Neither would her makeup smeared face, but he held her there, remembering this moment, memorizing it, for he vowed silently to never see such pain track across her features again. “You must remember, Lauren, no matter what comes, you are no longer alone. You have me, your Ástvinur, standing proudly at your side. You have the King of Asgard at your elbow, and you have a terrific friend in your Sadie. She is a fierce thing for one so small.”

She giggled at that and breathed in deeply to stave off fresh tears. “She’s like a stick of dynamite. A big explosion in a small package.”

Loki chuckled. “That she is.”

“Alright. Let’s fix me up before anyone sees the mess I’ve made of myself.” She frowned at his shoulder. “And you. I smeared makeup on your collar.”

“An easy fix, darling.” Magic rippled, quickly there and gone, setting them both to rights and vanishing the soiled handkerchief. “There. No one shall be the wiser.” He stepped back to take a long look at her and slowly shook his head in amazement. “You are striking, my heart. A Goddess among men this eve. Come,” he held out his elbow for her, “I am quite desperate to show you off.”

Another giggle escaped her, lifting his heart from the pit it had been wallowing in with her upset. The bright blush he loved adorned her cheeks. Her hand closed lightly around his arm, she retrieved her glass, and he led her from the mirrored room at a pace which showcased her grace.

Hoyt and Magnolia were standing just inside the doors which led to the interior of the house, their mouths agape when he and Lauren appeared.

“Lauren!” Magnolia gasped. “Just look! I can’t believe it.”

“Isn’t it pretty, mama?” Lauren smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes.

“Why, I never! How do y’all think Quinn managed it?”

“She didn’t,” Loki snapped. “That wretched woman was making a mockery of things. Hideous, ghastly decorations. Then, when Lauren stepped in to put things to rights, requesting things be changed, she quit! The audacity of it. And the way she spoke to your daughter?” Loki scoffed, “Why, I can assure you she would no longer be in business had she treated Lauren with such disrespect in New York.”

“Loki, it’s fine, peaches.” She patted his arm.

“It most assuredly is not,” he muttered, but gave a long sigh and relented. “After, I humbly offered my services to my love to assist with the disaster left behind. Lauren throws such elegant soirees for Stark. It would have been such a shame to see her reputation sullied by someone else’s misdeeds.” He smiled pleasantly, though it was a touch sharp, having rocked her parents back on their heels.

While he’d noted most of the men were dressed as he was, a dark suit with a red or white accent, Hoyt had forgone the red for blue.

It made Loki wonder just how pissed off it had made Magnolia. She was eyeing Lauren’s outfit rather sharply. While the white dress was likely above reproach, all her gold accents were out of place in Magnolia’s theme.

A theme she’d taken to heart. Her off the shoulder red dress had a heart-shaped neckline and high waisted tulle skirt which flowed to the floor in a simple bell shape. Her elbow length white gloves, necklace and earrings of chunky diamonds, and high swept hair were, to his mind, overdone.

While Magnolia floundered to find words, Hoyt stepped forward and held out his hand. “I thank you kindly for your help, Loki. This is…” Hoyt motioned to the room, “I’ve never seen anythin’ like it.”

Loki grasped the hand and nodded his head. “Much of it is an illusion and will return to what it once was after the party. I may have gone… slightly overboard but it was to assist my radiant Ástvinur, so how could I not.”

Hoyt smiled at Lauren before leaning down to kiss her cheek. “You’re gonna be the star of the party tonight, little girl. You glow in that dress. You make sure and save your daddy a dance, you hear?”

“I’ll save him two,” Lauren said, her smile brighter than the diamonds on her mother when she pressed up to return his kiss.

“Your mother and I are gonna start greetin’ guests.” He nodded to the two of them, gripped Magnolia’s arm firmly, and hustled her away before she could speak.

“Oh, my,” Lauren snickered and sipped her wine. “Mama appears to be at a loss for words. I think that’s a first.”

“Should I put in my request for my dances now?” Loki teased, taking her in his arms. “After all, you’ve promised your father and Thor, and with how stunning you look, there will be men lined up waiting to snatch you away. I’m afraid I am feeling rather uninclined to share, darling.”

She laughed, and the sound was musical, seeming to rise up and echo amongst the crystals on the ceiling. “And what of you? Looking so dapper and handsome,” she pouted prettily. “It’s not as if you have a ring on your finger to ward off all the hussy’s who’ll be tryin’ to steal you from me for a dance.”

A flash of green surrounded his left hand. “You mean like this, my heart?” He smirked wickedly when he held his hand up and ran his thumb over the gold band wrapped in runes.

“You’re so bad,” she snickered. “They’ll all think I married in secret.”

He pulled her closer and breathed wantonly against her ear, “Didn’t you?”

“Ugh, must you, Lauren?” Marabeth muttered.

Loki looked up to glare her way when Lauren stiffened. It wasn’t something her sister would have noticed, but he’d felt the tension return to Lauren’s body. “No Samuel this evening?” he asked, knowing it was nasty and not caring.

“He’ll be arriving late!” Marabeth snapped, marching off with Quinn dogging her heels. At one point she stepped on Marabeth’s dress causing the woman to stop short and glare at Quinn.

“Do you think she knows how incredibly… wide that dress makes her ass appear?” he asked, Lauren.

“Loki!” she scolded, trying not to laugh.

“I am only saying, my heart, that the cut is not as flattering as it could be. Add in that enormous bow, and the garish colour, and I’m afraid she is having a ‘what not to wear’ moment.” The ball was meant to be red and white, not red edging into orange which did absolutely nothing for Marabeth’s complexion. “I’m going to assume she chose it herself. I can’t see Sadie making such an error even if she does dislike your sister.” He stroked his hands down her arms. “Not when she did such an exquisite job picking this for you.”

The click of heels drew his attention as Cissy passed without acknowledging either of them.

“Huh,” Loki grunted as she went by.

“What?” Lauren asked.

“She reminds me of a red Big Bird.”

Lauren barked out a laugh before biting her lip to contain it. “Just how much TV do you watch?”

He shrugged. “Midgardian daytime television is both fascinating and mind-numbing, but it alleviated the boredom I suffered when I was first here. Still, you cannot tell me she does not bear a striking similarity to the large yellow fowl creature on that children’s show. Either that or she forgot half her dress.”

The corset bodice, though it looked much like something which should be worn beneath one’s clothing, was heavily patterned in cut crystals, while the skirt was created of red and black feathers and fell to just above her knees.

“Remind me to introduce you to some better TV when we get back to the tower,” Lauren snickered softly, waving at Sadie as she and her husband made their way toward them.

Loki’s eye was caught by the visage of his brother, head and shoulders taller than the majority of the people, making his way through the growing crowd. There was a distinct scowl on his face, and when their gazes locked, Thor stopped and motioned toward the doors.

“Excuse me, my heart. It appears Thor needs me a moment.” He pressed a kiss to her cheek and slipped away from her side as Sadie arrived. “I’ll be back shortly,” he assured them as he passed, making his way swiftly toward Thor.

“Brother?”

Thor tilted his head toward the door. “Listen.”

Loki frowned but turned his hearing toward the door. His eyes snapped up to the lights coming nearer and immediately snarled something, not for polite company, in the old tongue. “I thought you told them to stay away?”

“I did!” Thor huffed. “What do you want to do? We could make them leave.”

“I could drop them through a portal,” Loki snarled stalking toward the door. People cleared from his path with a swiftness he’d only ever seen Barnes achieve. When they made the door and started down the terrace steps, avoiding the arriving guests who’d stopped to gawk at the incoming helicopter, Loki remembered his earlier foreboding. “There was a murder sitting in the trees tonight.”

“I saw it as well. Father sends a warning,” Thor murmured. “Do you think it was in regards to them?” He nodded toward the helicopter.

Slowly, Loki shook his head as he made his way through the garden. “Had they arrived prior to the binding finishing, I might have said yes. Now… I am not so sure.”

“So? What do you want to do?”

He looked at Thor a smiled. Wicked. Dark. Full of mischief. “Why, invite them to join us. I am certain Lauren won’t mind.”

“Loki? What are you planning?” Thor gripped his shoulder.

“Just a bit of fun, brother.”

“The last time we had just a bit of fun you dressed me up as a girl!”

Loki snorted at the memory. “And look at the fun you had.” He waved a hand, erecting a barrier which protected them from the downdraft of the landing helicopter. “We ate. You drank an ocean’s worth of ale. It was fun!”

“The drinking was fun,” Thor murmured, crossing his arms. “But if I end up in a dress again, I will kick your ass.”

“I’d like to see you try it now… brother,” he purred, knowing it would be much harder than it once was.

When the blades began to slow, Loki dismissed the shield and made his way forward as the door slid open. A slim hand was thrust from the inside, which he took without hesitation, and smiled like the cat who had eaten the canary. Things had just gotten so much more interesting.

Loki helped the woman descend to the ground and bowed over her hand. “Why, Miss Potts. How delightful of you to join us this evening.”

Next Chapter

#balance #loki #loki laufeyson #loki fanfiction #loki laufeyson fanfiction #god of mischief #god of mischief fanfiction #avengers #the avengers #avengers au #avengers fanfiction #fanfiction #southern belle

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tumblunni · 7 years ago

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Gremp Review: Dr Herregods

Okay, today’s new grandpa that I adore!

I’ve been playing the remake of Sonny lately and TOTALLY having a nostalgia explosion! Its like a reboot of an old classic Flash game series I used to play a lot as a kid. The art, music, and everything has had a HUGE update, and they even added some new characters! Its a shame, however, that we lost the animated sprites and ability to see visual changes as you equip stuff. I’m guessing they just didnt have the budget to make it happen with the high res graphic update. Also some of the story changes are a bit weird, but an equally large amount of them are super good, so it all balances out. I just wish all the new characters didnt REPLACE the old characters, yknow?

At least Veraduz stuck around, and now he’s got a cool expanded backstory and reasons for joining your party. Its not just ‘we’re both zombies, lets stick together, i found a robot suit and somehow instantly knew how to use it’. Nah, instead now he’s a regular human who actually OWNS that robot suit, he starts off on the other side and joins you after seeing you’re sentient and deserve to live. Also he’s a disabled veteran whose robot suit is basically a mobility device to replace his lost legs. That’s instantly incredibly sympathetic and interesting! And still he’s our cool sassy giant buff healer dude and major BROTP with the protagonist. Woo~! ANYWAY, less rambling about loving that character, and more rambling about loving the new ones!

One of the best new changes to the plot was the addition of Dr Herregods, aka SUPER SCIENCE GRANDPA!

Further review below:

He’s actually the only new character who technically did exist in the original flash game, he used to be a tough bonus boss battle and got promoted to playable here. Obviously he took a huge power cut, but he’s actually still pretty damn strong! He starts off fragile but he gets A LOT of really good attacks. He can set up barriers and regen on his allies and DEAAAAR GOD am I happy that the ally AI is great in the remake, he’s saved me so many times! And his actual damage output isnt very good even if you buff him up, but he has Acid Element which bypasses defense buffs. Usually you have mr fragile grandpa dealing half as much as everyone else, and then when you face some overblown buffed up thing he’s suddenly the sole savior of the world! AND he can deal useful attack debuffs, so he frees up a move slot on your protagonist if you dont need to worry about those. Here I’ve got him very stacked up with defensive items at the expense of everything else, cos even if he’s buffed its not like he’s ever gonna be super fast or strong. Its best to just cover his fragility! Currently he’s actually one of the best defenders, I went with fragile speedster build for my other two party members Sonny and Kara. (Incidentally I love Kara! I wish Felicity didnt have to be replaced by her tho, is it some sort of rule that these games must only have one playable lady?) Tho the fragile build is fun to play in its own right! It just feels super in-character that he’d be like an overpowered useful buffer mage dude that you have to protect. The enemy still seems to try and take him out more often than not, even when he has enough extra defense to withstand it. LEAV GRANDPA ALON

Anyway, the Sonny games have never been super dialogue heavy or well written, tho the remake adds a lot of extra scene which has been nice. Its still kind of a crazy cliche storm, but its a sassy one with high production values and a SUPER well developed high difficulty battle system. The ways they make buffs and statuses and passives interact.. god, its beautiful! And in the remake you have a choice of way more elemental paths to customize, and can even ‘evolve’ moves mid battle. its like a limit break but you choose to turn one of your regular moves into a limit break and it stays that way for the rest of the battle! So you get advantages the longer the fight goes on, and the more damage you can take without dying. However the limit breaks are subject to the RNG so sometimes you get a bunch of buffs that arent actually useful for your selected move, and you basically waste your whole bar. Alas! ANYWAY LESS RAMBLING ABOUT HOW FUN THE GAME IS, YO

So yeah, nobody has a super developed personality or many scenes to show it off in. But still I LOVE NEW GRANDPA! He’s my favourite sort of thing: an evil grandpa that isnt evil. He’s your own personal mini evil! He’s got all the character traits of an evil scientist, apart from the bit where he’s on your side. And he gets to act as the comedic guy with all the vices, but still he remains loyal to you guys, and his whole moveset is supporting his friends, and i just LOVE HIM!!! *hug* I am a bit sad tho that he’s another different medic character, so you kinda have to choose between him and Veraduz. At least everyone still gets to appear in story scenes regardless of who’s in the party, so it doesnt really matter. Veraduz is still your super bff who gets the most screentime of everyone! OH, but actually ALSO a reason I love new grandpa!!! He becomes the guy who gets the second most scenes after Veraduz, and he’s like THE MOST IMPORTANT to the story! His introduction works REALLY well to make the early stages work a bit better. Before you were just journeying wildly with no real motive except ‘people are trying to kill me, keep running until this problem ceases to continue’. Now you meet a rogue scientist early on and he gives you a general goal and motive, you’re trying to find out what’s actually going on and he’s analyzing the different zombies you find along the way, showing you directions to find his laboratory eventually. He falls out of focus after he gives us this motive in the intro, but he still remains pretty useful in tutorialing how to use your new mutation specializations. And its justified that you get them cos he stuck a syringe of his latest crazy experiment into your neck. He’s helping!! In his own special way!! Seriously this is just WHY I LOVE HIM! He’s such a nice good hero man who 100% thinks like a sci fi villain, and the contrast makes for a lot of funny scenes. I legit thought he was gonna just be a temporary party member who backstabs you at the end of the chapter, i was SO GLAD that I was wrong! Ominous ambiguously evil man who never becomes evil ever is such a better trope! “Hey look that latest terrifying enemy is really damn cool, I’d love to cut it open. And genetically engineer a new and better zombie virus. And test it on you, specifically.” *does so* *and nothing but good things happen* *thanks grandpa*

FINAL GREMP RATING!

Personality - How much of a unique self this grandpa has, and how interesting. Stereotypical grandpa archetypes are still loveable, but it doesn’t exactly stand out above the rest!

Dr Herregods has the same sort of appeal as other fave characters of mine, like Charon. Except with even more appeal cos he actually does join the hero team! He’s a big eccentric that you wouldn’t usually expect for this kind of medic class gramps role! ‘Evil science man’ is kind of an archetype that’s often given to grandpas, but I mean you can’t say it lacks personality! I’m just... predictable!! I really love when the ‘mad scientist’ gets to turn good! ITS SUCH A GOOD PERSONALITY, DON’T LIMIT IT TO VILLAINS However Dr Herregods isn’t grumpy or sassy, he’s just more of a cheerful dude who really loves his job of making super zombies and is comedically oblivious to everyone else thinking its an evil hobby. That’s endearing in its own way! Nobody really gets a huge amount of dialogue or development in this game though, so take his rating with that in mind.

6/10

Design - How appealing does this grandpa look as a character? How endearing, how distinctive, how much does it suit him?

His design isn’t particularly new or interesting, he honestly just looks like the third stage of bugcatchers in pokemon.

However it’s still nice that he became a grandpa at all in this remake, when his original design was just this generic npc model.

3/10

Prominance - How big of a role this grandpa plays in the actual plot or gameplay.

This is actually where he excels! its so rare to find a good playable grandpa that isn’t like a super tiny plot role, or vice versa. And most of my faves are usually neither, and mad science grandpas especially tend to get the short end of the stick! I love him just cos he’s like if someone like Charon or Hojo got to be the hero of the story! Also he is REALLY USEFUL in a fight! Also DID I MENTION I LOVE THIS CHARACTER??

9/10

G R A N D P A - Bunni’s very personal concept of what makes me want to adopt this grandpa. How well does he fill the void in the life of someone who had a shitty family devoid of loving guardian figures and projects way too much onto fictional characters?

OH MAN, I think if he was my actual grandpa we would have all sorts of crazy adventures together! And we totally have the same opinion on how monsters are HELLA AWESOME and it would be epic to gain super undead powers! Yo grandpa give me the super juice, I wanna shoot lightning from my zombie eyes!!! Also he’s just... like... GENUINELY GOOD! For once he’s not my guilty pleasure redemption fanfic dude who would never actually join the hero team in canon. This grandpa would legitimately be a caring friend! Even if he’s also a bit of an irresponsible space case. But seriously, DUDE, SAME! We’d be so bad if we became friends, nobody could stop us from making terrible life decisions to go poke giant monsters with sticks and chug mutagenic liquids

8/10 G R A N D P A

Literally the only reason he won’t get a 10 is the same as I mentioned above, nobody gets very much dialogue in this game so he’s just like a lil slice of perfection covered in a pile o headcanons.

Final Score: 26/40

#gremp review #mr perfect kind heretic zombie grandpa scienceman #its a shame that you can't evolve your party members similar to the protagonist tho #i think the only reason dr herregods hasnt injected himself with super zombie juice is cos the designers wanted #to only let you have one zombie party member this time #which is also probably why felicity doesnt exist anymore.. boo...#but like seriously you could at least give the party members like job class choices or something?#protagonist's classes are different mutations but everyone else could have had regular ones #still seriously dr herregods should have a class where he goes all jekyll and hyde mode by shoving zombie juice in his brain #i just imagine he's fuckin constantly eating evil experiment formulas #if the writers weren't keeping an eye on him #like 'oh jesus christ dr herregods did it again' *pulls out plot eraser*#lol maybe its super irony and the doc is immune to the zombie virus or something?#i wish he could have at least got a super lazer cybernetic arm or something #i just imagine him like a kid in a candy store surrounded by all these zombies #'HOW CAN YOU NOT APPRECIATE SHOOTING FIRE FROM YOUR HANDS???'

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courage-a-word-of-justice · 7 years ago

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Boku no Hero Academia 22 - 23 | Grimoire of Zero 8 | Royal Tutor 9 | Kado 8 | Tsukigakirei 8

Boku no Hero Academia 22

I never saw that “meteor shower” coming! BnHA keeps the surprises coming, eh?

Hey, he used Uraraka’s name! He’s serious now!!!

I gotta admit Denki and the other hero trying to defend Uraraka only because she’s a girl is an outdated idea (but the patriarchy demands I only get irked about this a bit), but defending Uraraka because she’s almost out of commission is something I can understand.

Oh, the tough realities of herohood…the suckiness of failure…I gotta touch on this more in Half-Paid Heroes. Better pay attention!

It’s kinda clear Shouto vs Izuku is gonna get cut off by the time limit, but it’s interesting to note that there are 2 rivals close to Midoriya. Normally a shonen hero only has one fixed one.

Boku no Hero Academia 23

I’ve seen people comment a tonne on episode 22, so episode 23 should garner a lot of attention too as the highlight of this season.

I always thought by saying Shouto could be a hero, it implied his mother could no longer be one. Why? Possible trigger warning for this, but I think it’s “enduring Endeavour’s abuse”.

The bandage on Uraraka’s face reminds me that BnHA is good at consistency.

Poodle girl, who tried to defend Uraraka last ep, is still in the crowd. Another good touch of consistency.

This is rare – Bakugo’s introspective and showing off why he’s top of the class simultaneously.

Looking at this from a strategy point of view, Deku still has his legs, potentially his head if he wants to risk it, (uninjured) parts of his arms maybe, or overexerting his arms again. If he gets very creative, maybe his torso. It still looks like Todoroki’s going to win nonetheless, even though he seems to be showing some signs of fatigue too.

I thought he’d overexert his arms again, but I guess I never thought of the more logical path, which would be “overexert the fingers again first”, huh?

That threw me for a bit. 1) Todoroki never says “now I’m angry”. He’s the cool guy, to make a lame pun. 2) That’s a cliched line only bad guys say. Then again, it could be a “you stare into the abyss, the abyss stares back” moment.

Ice is powerful. So powerful, there aren’t many ice Pokémon, and I originally planned to have an ice-skater be the 6th ranger in Half-Paid Heroes, only to find that since I kept restructuring the lineup, the skater became too OP. (Also, because Half-Paid Heroes used to be a strictly girl-turns-into-magical-boy affair, the 6th ranger - Yuki - was a great big hinge on what came afterwards, so I’ve struggled with the storyline now that I’ve given it a more workplace SoL baseline.)

I always thought ice was also a salve to some extent, but with more destructive power comes a lessened ability to heal.

Todoroki looks like Bakugo now. Guess it can’t be helped, seeing as “explosions” are associated with “fire”.

“Such a doting father.” – I laiughed, because we just found out that’s blasphemy. It’s ironic, to use the proper term.

Block rubble is a sure sign that this is a sakuga fest. Wowee, last time I saw block rubble was ConRevo (as far as I can remember)! Thank you, BONES!

Hmph. Fanservice. If you like Shouto’s fanservice here, you’ll definitely like Free!, but I’m neutral on it. 15 year olds shouldn’t be so muscular…sure, it’s part of a hero’s job to be muscular if they’re physically fit, but fanservice of 15 year olds ain’t my thing, y’know?

Grimoire of Zero 8

I’m of the idea that Albus is a dude for commentary purposes, but I’ve seen lots of comments across the ‘net saying Albus is a girl. It seems this episode will get rid of whatever misconceptions I have about Albus’s gender once and for all.

When the wolf says she is closest to Him, who’s “she” exactly? Sorena? Sorena’s granddaughter?

The wolf is behind the main trio at the end of the OP…!

I get the feeling this stitch-up scene is just for some manservice on the wolf’s part…but at least it holds some revelations for those that don’t want manservice of the muscle kind. (In terms of bishonen, I don’t dig Dragon Ball or Free!-style muscles anyway. *shrugs*)

That is one young grandmother…but dangit, why was the wolf hot as a man???!!! (It’s distracting, and I already have too many husbandos…but he’s only hot when he has his clothes on.)

Wuh…? Just when I decide he’s worth staying for, I find out his name…and it’s Holdem? Like, Texas Holdem?

Sometimes belief is all one needs to fight for a cause, Holdem my previously-handsome man.

Grimoire of Zero is lucky its CGI is only noticeable when the show is paused…

“Who knew he was Sorena’s granddaughter…”

From the pronouns used in the subs, it seems that even the subbers believed Albus was a dude and stuck to their guns even after the explicit revelation.

Royal Tutor 9

Fancy gakurans…if you already have a gakuran lying around, it’s pretty easy to cosplay the princes, I guess.

Why are those guards so excited?

This thing just went all ACCA-shaped. That’s not a bad thing, I’m just saying guns are normally used at the climax of shows like this, like in ACCA.

I think the “I am a grown man” jokes are getting a lil’ old at the business end, but that’s because when I see drama I expect consistent drama.

The camera scene was so ludicrous that I ended up laughing anyway…

As an action writer, that butt-kicking Heine did was perfect (albeit a tad slow). Then again, this show’s specialty is a SoL-style pace and I wouldn’t change that about it.

That trick Ludwig did was basically what Alciel did in Hataraku Maou-sama!, but because it was compressed into a shorter amount of time, it had little to no payoff.

“The stupid-seeming fellow is right.” – I never thought Maximilian seemed stupid…

I noted Fuchs said, “Take me away,” which is a very interesting point.

Well, now we really can’t neglect Heine’s past. Get hyped, Royal Tutor fans!

Kado 8

Shunina’s reading something called Ningen Manzai. According to this website, Ningen Manzai is about a god from space who comes to earth and becomes human…then something about angels and another god. Even if you don’t learn the entire synopsis of Ningen Manzai, the book is very relevant, ain’t it? Also, Shunina’s using his seahorse bookmark from last ep, which is cute.

The discussion on Sansa reminds me of the Porygon incident…

“Hail to Humanity”? So that would mean…the title is actually Ningen Banzai…

It’s Kado Skype, powered by Wam. That…that’s great! We can finally see Wam being put to use around here.

As someone who’s studied IT, I understand Gonno’s words on networks well.

Google Satellite. Yep, it exists.

Kado is unintentionally hilarious sometimes, like the “Dad! Dad!” bit there. The chestnut bit I found vaguely disturbing but that was because Shindo looked like he was gasping for air. For the “Dad! Dad!” bit in particular though, Kado’s gone all Summer Wars and that’s why it’s funny.

These jellyfish are really lifelike…but you get a sad feeling from this “date” scene. As if suddenly the staff finally give us a look into why Saraka is correct…you feel like this is all just an “all according to zaShunina keikaku” thing, and suddenly you see the tower known as humanity was knocked down as soon as Kado came.

So Saraka’s saying…the tale of Kado (the show) is a tragedy? Well, that’s a new take on this whole scenario…hey, wait. So Ward and Gonno (to a lesser extent) are the evil ones here?

Grumpy Gonno…haha.

Does SETTEN need to learn how to “not be evil”, as per its inspiration’s philosophy? Hmm.

It’s Shunina, on a TV show, like a celebrity. The world is evolving in ways I thought were unimaginable.

Is it possible to watch Sansa because of peer pressure, because Shunina could be seen as a “cool” guy? I wonder…

LOL, so you’re going to get him to talk with drinks? I can’t imagine a drunk Shunina…but I can understand that with drinking culture, it’s probably the right way to go to get closer to someone. (Even if that “someone” is an anisotropic being.) Shunina may not understand “food” after all.

As much as I love the alien dork, he’s getting more and more sinister as the show goes on. From what I’ve read on Kado all over the ‘net, people have distrusted him since episode 1, but hey. That’s what we’re here for.

Shinawa was absent yet again, thank goodness.

The round object in the preview (it looks like a white sphere surrounded by blue chunks) is probably a Nanomishein, knowing this show.

Tsukigakirei 8

Welp, we’re finally back to Dazai after referencing Souseki.

Huh? That part with the dancing guy with the mask has gone from live action to animated…so it seems like the staff of Tsukigakirei give an effort now.

The OP seems to evolve more as time goes by, which is interesting. A few eps ago, the sheet only said “title” but the title of this work that’s evolving is called 13.70. However, it seems to be by Azumi Osamu, and not Kotarou. (Or maybe that’s just a penname of Kotarou’s, based on his love for Dazai?) 13.70 is 75 mai (sheets) long.

Love is hard to describe, and I guess when you love someone it’s hard to put into words because of that.

Is the video going slower or did the animation budget get cut in half?

I’d assume “hayashi” refers to the rice.

So it’s not my imagination…the budget got skimped on! You can tell because they did the same almost still scene thing twice this ep.

Noting how dark the potato is, I’d say it’s sweet potato (purple).

Ahahaha! So that’s where the potato mascot come from. They’re sweet potatoes then…now I get it! (It’s just that when you say “potato” on its lonesome I think of the one you make ordinary chips out of.)

Now that we know Kotarou’s birthday, I know she’s going to buy him a present. That’s what anyone would do…and of course, I was right.

That shot of windchimes from the OP. I like it, but I know it’s recycled from there.

Well, for all the budget skimping they’ve done, they’ve churned out some really good festival shots. They’re so lifelike.

I didn’t think geta were annoying enough to give you blisters. Guess I was wrong.

You’re so stealthy, Akane (sarcastic).

Finally, here are the development we’ve been waiting for. Unfortunately, they’re paired with some really bad off model shots. Fortunately, they bother to give us the first kiss.

The fortune tags both say “I wish to be together forever.” (<-paused specifically to translate before subs came up)…CR tells me I was pretty bang on with my translation.

This ep’s ED convo is just a lovey-dovey couple fighting and saying “I love you more. No, I love you more” sort of thing, so don’t bother.

I got bored of these a few eps back, but since I have time right now, I went, “Why not?”.

Well, as much as I dislike the humour in these, I have to admit the moral in the Aira one was pretty good.

Well, finally Sakura gets some happiness. Good on her.

I don’t think I’ve seen a girl being called ippiki before. Ippiki is normally used with small animals, like dogs or cats.

The Roman and Ryouko (Sensei) ones are the worst of these, I just can’t ship them because the age gap is about 10 years. That’s a little too big for comfort, y’know?

That “Kotarou’s Parents” one actually made me laugh. It’s also a good insight into characters that don’t get developed much in the series. If I were an author (which I am, I just haven’t got any properly published books out there yet – the closest book I do have out there has no words…*hides in corner of shame*), I would have bonus content more along these lines.

#simulcast commentary #tsukigakirei #seikaisuru kado #grimoire of zero #boku no hero academia #the royal tutor #Chesarka watches Tsukigakirei #Chesarka watches Kado #Chesarka watches Boku no Hero Academia #Chesarka watches Grimoire of Zero #Chesarka watches Oushitsu Kyoushi Haine

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