#i google the code or the text of the error message

[scribefindegil]

error messages that give you zero information about what the error actually was my beloathed >:(

[ttenvely]

GOOD LIFE — THEME 003

Once again, I tried to make everything as customizable and accessible as possible. Please be kind and give a like/reblog if you use or find it to be useful. If you find any errors or if you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to message me!

FEATURES

non-contained theme with 500px posts.

muse/navigation tab. you can have up to ten customizable links. and there’s a text box that can be utilized for updates, whether you have a personal blog, an indie, or you’re a creator. there’s also a space for muses or works in progress — whatever you find more useful!

accessible source link and scrollbars.

pinned post marker.

GUIDELINES

do not claim as your own.

do not touch or remove any credits.

do not use as a base code or take parts of this code.

feel free to edit and have fun!

CREDITS

base code is made by octomoosey

text font is from google fonts

icons are cappuccicons by suiomi

tabs styling base & script is by valcntines

Click the SOURCE LINK to preview and get the code!

[my-deer-friend]

Play along: Amrev codebreaker!

While browsing through some primary materials reading up about John Laurens’ mission to France as special minister to the court of Versailles, I came across a letter that he wrote to the president of the Continental Congress on 9 April 1781 that included a coded message using a numerical cipher. 

I took a shot at deciphering it – here’s the process I followed, and you can play along too!

1. The first step, of course, was to determine which specific encryption was being used. After a bit of digging, I came across the immensely useful United States diplomatic codes and ciphers, 1775-1938 by Ralph E Weber. He explains that the cipher in question was “prepared on separate encode and decode sheets, the latter contained 660 printed numbers, with usually 600 words, syllables, and letters of the alphabet scattered randomly throughout the sheet.” So, for example, the word “congress” is “143”, the syllable “el” is “593” and the letter “r” is “215”. This cipher was an updated and improved version of the one used by Benjamin Tallmadge, and Weber explains that Laurens was the first one to use it. Weber also handily provides the decode table in an appendix. 

2. The second step was to design an efficient way to decode the hundreds of numbers Laurens used in his letter, and the obvious answer was my good friend the spreadsheet. I transferred the table from the book to Google Sheets, which was mildly tedious but hugely time-saving later on.

3. Now the fun part! I typed out the numbers from Laurens’ letter, and then used a simple LOOKUP formula to match the number to the decoded text.

The cipher also includes two nuances - an underscore beneath the word means a plural, and an overscore denotes adding an “e” - so I marked these in the cells with pink and green highlights respectively.

4. The final step was correcting a few errors in my table, refining the decoding (some numbers have various iterations to save space, such as 103 which can be any one of “ec/eck/ek” depending on which syllable is needed), and extracting the final text. 

It all reads very smoothly, with the singular exception of “ght-f-t”, which is the way Laurens rendered the word “gift”. The obvious explanation for this mangle is that he mis-wrote 340 (ght) instead of 170 (gi).

That’s definitely 340, 304, 196 which decodes as “ght-f-t”.

While it seems like a strange error to make, bear in mind that the encoding sheet (the one Laurens was using to change plaintext into numbers) would have been listed in alphabetical order to make finding the numbers easier (while the person at the other end has the sheet in numerical order, to reverse the process just as easily). And when we sort alphabetically, we can see that 340 and 170 are right next to each other:

A simple slip to make for someone writing coded letters late at night in low candlelight.

If you want to play along:

Here’s the code/decode spreadsheet. 

And here is the transcribed text (underlines for plurals, asterisk for added “e”). I've given the solution under the cut!

I have employed the most unremitting efforts to obtain a prompt and favorable decision relative to the object of my mission_ 381, 304, 543, 437, 366, 377, 276, 75, 75, 226, 269, 385, 426, 377, 17, 465, 197, 481, 428, 593, 381, 355, 153, 278*, 428, 333, 70, 18, 405, 184, 226, 291, 197, 376, 524, 330, 446, 362, 449, 143 The Count de Vergennes communicated to me yesterday his most Christian Majesty's determination to guarantee 381, 59, 594, 18, 9, 205, 330, 497, 254, 401, 376, 503, 306, 503, 467, 428, 226, 236, 330, 278*, 245, 205, 506, 99, 376, 381, 381, 256, 184, 90, 340, 304, 196 ...and the value of the military effects which may be furnished from the Royal Arsenal, 418, 330, 497, 428, 197, 380, 377, 196, 376, 45, 278, 245, 205 I shall use my utmost endeavours to procure an immediate 467, 208, 491, 18, 278*, 9, 205, 45, 278, 42, 381, 230, 215, 355, 18, 237, 330, 497*, 215, 167, 290, 377, 376, 341, 278, 182, 302, 75, 376, 59, 594, and shall renew my solicitations for the 357, 34, 197, 18, 203, 291, 491, 481, 484, 34, 325, 89, 113, 392, 197, 269, 336, 458, 278*, 97, 18, 245, 205 may not be 126, 21, 215, 497, 376, 341, 296, 75, 477, 226, 103, 196, 481, 278*, 483, 215, 553, 75*, 18, 238, 377, 59, 374, 478, the providing this article I fear will be attended with great difficulties and delays as all the 476, 490, 481, 36, 228, 351, 392, 226, 197, 18, 237, are remote from the sea, and there are no 441, 420, 50, 563, 503, 197, 18, 377, 59, 278, suitable to our purposes. The cargo of the Marquis de la Fayette will I hope arrive safe under the convoy of the Alliance_ 481, 341, 78, 465, 75, 426, 408, 596, 115, 76, 376, 174, 196*, 291, 103, 197, 75, 75, 184, 226, 197, 281, 5, 171, 278*, 428, 593, 381, 355, 492, 194, 236, 376, 45, 574, 408, 504, 366, 381, 506, 197, 197, 193, 213, 75, 197, 199, 291, 377, 197 The Marquis de Castries has engaged to make immediate arrangements for the safe transportation of the pecuniary and the other succours destined for the United States_ 481, 350, 215, 167, 450, 196, 376, 34, 381, 75, 473, 376, 76*, 458, 278*, 72, 208, 449, 577, 114, 89, 405, 486, 497, 197, 113, 126, 34, 361, 376, 269, 278*, 277, 291, 104, 381, 113, 278*, 401, 230, 408, 550, 552, 342, 291

Have fun!

I have employed the most unremitting efforts to obtain a prompt and favorable decision relative to the object of my mission_ after many discussions, difficulties and delays with the details of which it is needless to trouble congress.

The Count de Vergennes communicated to me yesterday his most Christian Majesty's determination to guarantee a loan of ten millions to be opened in Holland in addition to the six millions granted as a gracious gift.

...and the value of the military effects which may be furnished from the Royal Arsenal are to be deducted from the six million.

I shall use my utmost endeavours to procure an immediate advance of the ten millions from the treasury of France to be replaced by the proposed loan,

and shall renew my solicitations for the supplies of the ordinance and military stores on credit that the present of six millions may not be absorbed by thousands objects and the purchase of necessary clothing

the providing this article I fear will be attended with great difficulties and delays as all the wool and manufactories of France are remote from the sea, and there are no

public magazines of cloth suitable to our purposes.

The cargo of the Marquis de la Fayette will I hope arrive safe under the convoy of the Alliance_ and by satisfying our immediate necessities prevent the delays above-mentioned from having any disagreeable consequences

The Marquis de Castries has engaged to make immediate arrangements for the safe transportation of the pecuniary and the other succours destined for the United States_ and has repeatedly assured me that the naval superiority which will be established on the American coast the ensuing campaign

[purplesnepgirlwaffle]

PortalFan312 Archives

Ok so I found a portal/source ARG by the name of "PortalFan312 Archives" it's currently ongoing and every post I make in their comments about it gets deleted by either them or youtube so I'm putting my current analysis and notes here with a link to the channel at the end.

Background info: Austin/PortalFan312 found a teleport glitch in the original Portal that took him to a room. This spawned an investigation to where the room ended up speaking to him, through text then audio, rooms can have subrooms, rooms can be generated using a command called "roomgenerate" with an optional word at the end to control the type of room generated. So far works in Portal and Half-Life 2: Episode 2. Room is malicious.

Core Adventures 1:

There's a Google Drive link in the last few frames. Here's said link as it's quite long: https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/10JiTtW2Ka2L8C0CVcPAKS8yetRqmxu2L Inside there's two files, TOMTBESTFRIEND.wav (I believe the second T was supposed to be a Y) and "you.jpg" TOMTBESTFRIEND.wav is a morse code message, translating into "MY BEST FRIEND AUSTIN. IF YOU SEE THIS. ALL OF YOUR OTHER FRIENDS ARE NOT REAL. IM YOUR ONLY FRIEND, YOUR ONLY FRIEND" you.jpg is a screenshot of a reddit account, presumably Austin's here. (the link: https://www.reddit.com/user/Austin_Martin2) On it is a single post with the title text being "V0hZIERJRCBUSEVZIExFQVZFIE1F", a message encoded in base64 that when decoded reads "WHY DID THEY LEAVE ME" The link is to a fandom portal site (https://latrop.fandom.com/wiki/AmFjb2IsIEpBQ09CLCBKQUNPQj8%3D) There's various things here, all base64, let's start with the title.

The title reads as "AmFjb2IsIEpBQ09CLCBKQUNPQj8=". Which, when decoded, reads as "Jacob, JACOB, JACOB?" (Though when decoding the message, the J in the fist Jacob comes out as unreadable, likely an error in encoding)

Then, the body. The body is the following: "SmFjb2IgbXkgZGVhciBmcmllbmQuIEl0IGFwcGVhcnMgdGhhdCB5b3Ugd2VyZSBpbiB0b28gZGVlcCB0byB0dXJuIGJhY2sgbXkgRnJpZW5kLiBhbmQgVGhhdCdzIHdoeSB5b3Ugd2VyZSBub3QgU3VwcG9zZWQgdG8gYmUgaGVyZS4gSW0gcHJldHR5IHN1cmUgeW91ciBsaXR0bGUgQm95ZnJpZWQgTWlzc2VzIHlvdSBvaCBzbyBkZWFybHkhIA==" with the last = being a link to a second page. The body of the first page is decoded to "Jacob my dear friend. It appears that you were in too deep to turn back my Friend. and That's why you were not Supposed to be here. Im pretty sure your little Boyfrie[n]d Misses you oh so dearly!" Yes, you read that right, either the monster of this ARG is making jokes at the expense of Austin and Jacob or they actually were partners (this is continued in the box embed to the side where the characters and misc info is put).

The character box of this page is the following:

"amFjb2I=

Relatives QXVzdGluIChQYXJ0bmVyKQpNaWtlIChCcm90aGVyKQpNaXRjaGVsbGUgKE1vdGhlcikK

Occupation QkVJTkcgREVBRCwgSEFIQQ==

Biographical information

Date of birth: October 6th 1997

Date of death: October 6th 2012

Place of death: d2hpdGUgZm9yZXN0

Physical description

Species WU9VIE1PTlNURVI="

Now, that's a lot of base64, but it all translates out to:

"jacob

Relatives Austin (Partner) Mike (Brother) Mitchelle (Mother)

Occupation BEING DEAD, HAHA

Biographical information

Date of birth: October 6th 1997

Date of death: October 6th 2012

Place of death: white forest

Physical description

Species YOU MONSTER"

That's all for the first page. The second page is also chock-full of base64. Let's start with the title again.

The title of the second page reads as "QXV0dW1u" which is decoded into "Autumn".

As for the body, it reads as the following: "T2guIERlYXJlc3QgQXV0bW4uLi4gV2h5IGRpZCB5b3UgbGVhdmUgeW91ciBicm90aGVyIGFsb25lIG15IGZyaWVuZD8gV2VyZSB5b3UgU2NhcmVkIG9mIGhpcyBJbnNhbmUgUmFtYmxpbmdzPyBJIERvbid0IEJsYW1lIHlvdQ==" (this time with no hidden links) which, when decoded, reads as "Oh. Dearest Autmn… Why did you leave your brother alone my friend? Were you Scared of his Insane Ramblings? I Don't Blame you"

As for the character info, the top is the same as the page name, being "QXV0dW1u" which we know to be "Autumn"

The rest of the character info box reads like this:

"Relatives: QXVzdGluIChCcm90aGVyKQ==

Biographical information

Place of birth: April 8th 1999

Date of death: October 6th 2013

Place of death: d2hpdGUgZm9yZXN0"

Not as much base64 as Jacob's page, so it'll be easier to decode. here's how the rest of it reads decoded:

"Relatives: Austin (Brother)

Biographical information

Place of birth: April 9th 1999

Date of death: October 6th 2013

Place of death: white forest"

Note that how instead of "date of birth" it reads "place of birth". While this could be insignificant and just a minor error, it could be something big.

Also note that how both Jacob and Autumn died exactly one year apart, on Jacob's 15th and 16th birthdays respectively, as well as at the same "white forest" location. This combined with the fact that HL2:E2 also has the roomgenerate command (as shown in the video in this google drive folder: https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1--Lzmx9qKBLGaWo-SFzVNEpcfttKsjyN) this could be a reference to the White Forest Bunker in episode two, though we don't know enough to confirm this yet. Now do note that name of the folder I just provided in this paragraph is base64, it translates into "PROBLEM"

Now, one last thing. The folder which this video reveals has a name encoded in base64 as well, reading as "VGltZT8gTXIgTWFydGluLiBJcyBpdCByZWFsbHkgdGhhdCBUaW1lIEFnYWluPw==-20240305T072813Z-001" before decoding (I do not know what the numbers mean, they just come out as gibberish, but it could be some sort of code for another google drive, I'll update after finishing my current thesis here) but when decoded, the actual base64 reads as "Time? Mr Martin. Is it really that Time Again?"

how to get hl2 weapons in Portal:

The google drive link leads to a folder with a video of somebody discovering the room in half life 2. The tab's text UFJPQkxFTQ== is PROBLEM encoded in Base64.

HL2E2 room changes the game into either MMod or something similar.

Room generated using the roomgenerate command found in the "INVESTIGATION" video

Link to ARG channel: https://www.youtube.com/@portalfan312

[tauforged]

so i work at an aquarium (for those who havent gathered as much yet) and in my position, a lot of my job requirements boil down to making sure people have tickets and that theyre for the right day, right time, and in a format that our scanners can read (for example, someone who shows up with a third party ticket through a program like gociti will have to go to the ticket booth to redeem their pass for a printed ticket, because our scanners don't take their QR codes). another problem that i never would have expected to be as common as it is -- the issue of people showing up for tickets to entirely different aquariums altogether.

the biggest offenders, naturally, are the ones closest to us physically. a lot of people just google 'new england aquarium', which will bring up results for all aquariums in the new england area, not just the aquarium CALLED 'the new england aquarium'. the maritime aquarium is a common offender, as they're popular and their tickets are a teensy bit cheaper than hours, so people who google 'aquarium near me' and zero in on the price tag might not realize right away. how exactly people get all the way to the point where theyre putting their credit card number into a website and don't even realize they're on the wrong website baffles me a bit, but hey, i can't judge. everybody makes mistakes.

yesterday, towards the end of the night (on weekdays we officially close the building at 5. we start clearing the exhibits at 4:45, so we close the booth at 4 and stop selling tickets altogether at 4:30 at the absolute latest. it was maybe about 4:10-4:15 when this happened) and i'm closing the ticket scan for the night. a guy approaches me with tickets on his phone, and only half paying attention, i scan them. i get an error message. i try scanning them again, thinking maybe the scanner was acting up. still nothing. i ask him to zoom out so i can read the text on the ticket, thinking it might be for a different date (it's not uncommon for people to accidentally purchase tickets for the day after, and is an easy mistake for us to fix). it takes me a few seconds to process that these are, in fact, tickets for an entirely different facility, and one i've never heard of at that. i inform the guys that they actually have tickets for the wrong aquarium, but if they want to buy tickets for THIS aquarium they can check in at the information desk, since the ticket booth is closed for the night, but that they should keep in mind that we start to close the building in about half an hour. they're pretty embarrassed, but they thank me and go over to the front desk to buy the right tickets. as soon as they walk away, i whip my phone out to google the name of the aquarium they had tickets for, thinking it might just be a smaller one in the area ive never heard of before for some reason. nope!

they have tickets for an aquarium in UTAH. the neaq is in massachusetts. i dont know how they even managed to get the two confused. it still baffles me.

[eccentric-nucleus]

i changed some of the webgl code and i was getting a new kind of error so i tried looking up the error message

1 google result: the line of code in firefox where that error message text is written

[spring-breaks-loose]

lil update from my personal hell:

- prepped my ticket master account and payment information at 10am Atlantic time

- joined the wait room at 10:30

- entered the queue at 11am sharp, with 2000+ people ahead of me

- FINALLY moved through the queue over about 45 minutes

- Time to select my seat! But OH NO now Ticketmaster is saying my passcode is incorrect! (It’s not. It’s literally copied and pasted from my text)

- frantic googling and searching for answers - apparently other folks are having the same issue, passcodes supposedly incorrect

- entering my same passcode over and over and over and over

- after about 40 minutes and dozens and dozens of attempts my passcode is ACCEPTED I CAN FINALLY CHOOSE MY SEAT

- another hour spent selecting a ticket, page loading, error message. Select another ticket, page loading, error message. Select another ticket, page loading, PAGE LOADED! Accept the terms and conditions and click place order but of course my bank has to text me a code to confirm my identity. Lose the tickets. Select another ticket, page loading, error. Select another ticket, page loading, error. Select another ticket, page loading, ACCEPT TERMS PLACE ORDER, … ERROR. “It’s not you it’s us.” Repeat for AGES! But I still had hope I thought I would get through eventually…

- “you’ve exceeded the maximum amount of reservations” even though all I’ve done is get close to buying a ticket and then screwed over dozens of times.

- and now I’ve been kicked back to the end of the queue. 😭 2000+ people ahead, it’s obviously still paused because of the amount of errors but holy fuck.

- I’ve been at this for well over 2 hours and I have my queue ID for my original spot and I’ve sent Ticketmaster a DM with my issue and now there’s … just nothing I can do until they get back to me…

- I have a stress headache and I need a nap

[sazandorable]

If you can't tell if something is genuine or not and are worried that it might be genuine, here's some things you can do:

In all cases:

Google it. Google it and see what the internet says. Add search terms like "scam" if necessary. You will most likely find other people having the same experience and confirmation that it's a scam, or a genuine thing that might happen and what to do in that case. If it claims to be from your bank, check your bank's website and its current events or FAQ, if you downloaded something, you'll find how to remove it safely, etc.

If on a call:

Like OP said, ask for a way to contact again later: phone number, email, whatever.

If you get hung up on, it's fake and you can safely forget about it.

Google the phone number: there are plenty of sites that list phone numbers that have been identified as scams. If the prefix is unfamiliar, you can also find out what location the call is coming from, and unfortunately it is true that calls from African, Asian or island locations are probably scams (or attempts to sell you stuff). (Unless, of course, you are yourself based in or have contacts with those areas, it could be your auntie in Nigeria or your merch manufacturer in China.)

YMMV but: personally, I don't pick up any call from a number I don't recognise, with the assumption that if it's legit or urgent they will leave a message, send a text, or immediately call again. If I get repeat calls, I google the number.

If an email:

If it does look like it might be legit, still do not click on anything from the mail.

Open a new window and look up the company's website separately -- or even better, open the app if you already had it installed. Make sure you're on the correct website and not a close-lookalike scam! (For instance, a nearly-invisible or common typo, a different suffix like .com instead of .org, etc.)

See if it says anything about the topic of your email; for instance, a bank might have a notice that there's a big wave of impersonation scams going around right now, or it might say that there are indeed some changes to their policy and you need to do X specific thing about it. If not, search the FAQ or help section.

If you need to log into your account, always log in by reaching the site separately, or even better, through your preinstalled app. Chances are you will have a notif about either the legit thing you need to do, or the strange activity detected and how to fix it.

If you still aren't sure, reach out to the company directly through the contact options listed on their website/app.

If a strange site or pop-up alert on your computer:

Do not click on anything.

Read what it says carefully and apply the OP's checklist: errors and mistakes? unclear and non-specific? creating a sense of urgency?

Close everything, but be very careful to click on your actual window buttons and not any fake "close this window" buttons on the graphics. You can use keyboard shortcuts (often Ctrl + W) or menu actions to be safe.

Check your downloads history for anything new. If there is something weird, locate the actual files on your computer (not just the record in your download history) and delete that + empty the recycle bin.

If something may have been actually installed, make sure to uninstall that as well! It's probably okay if you didn't click and open a file and didn't see any installation process, but if you're worried you can use your device's app manager to remove/uninstall anything strange, for a clean and safe sweep.

Google specifics for any additional help.

If you realised something was strange too late after you did something risky:

Separately look up the relevant company's contact information and reach out to them directly. For instance, notify your bank that you might have been scammed: even if it's "too late" and the scammer already took money out of your account, a record that this happened might get your money back. (Well. Idk about the USA.)

Change your log in credentials, safety passwords and PIN codes, etc. /!!\ Again, only through the real and secure actual site or app, not in a response to a mail or call! /!!\

If you're feeling stupid and embarrassed: it's okay, it's not your fault, scammers rely on normal human psychology to make us panic and do stuff we wouldn't normally do, they're the ones to blame. You don't deserve what was done to you, you deserve help and safety.

You can tell whoever you get in contact with that it wasn't you but your tech-illiterate senile grandma who got scammed.

In general:

It's probably fine. Most scams and malware attempts are very messy and unprofessional and don't require much more than ignoring or deleting. No need to panic.

Be careful and do everything you can to avoid or solve the issue, but if nothing happens, it's more likely a sign that you're safe than a sign that an insidious superhacker is doing something really serious and bad that you're not noticing.

oh my god do not click links in emails that tell you to verify your data or your bank account gets locked or click links in messages telling you your safety protocol is ending, like, tomorrow, you will get SCAMMED SO BAD AND YOU WILL LOSE A LOT OF FUCKING MONEY never ever let anyone pressure you into giving away login information especially to your online banking by creating a sense of urgency oh my GOD

some things to look out for

1. spelling mistakes. do you know how many rounds of marketing and sales experts these things go through? if theres a spelling mistake dont click it

2. not using your name. if an email adresses you with "dear customer" or, even worse, a generic "ladies and gentlemen", it is most likely not actually targeted to you

3. verifying or login links. even IF your bank was stupid enough to send these to customers, dont EVER click those. look at me. they can legally argue that youve given your data away and thus they dont have to pay you anything back DONT CLICK THAT FUCKING LINK

4. creating a sense of urgency. do this or we lock your account next week. do this or your ebanking stops working tomorrow. give us all your money in cash or your beloved granddaughter will get HANGED FOR MURDERING BABIES. no serious organisation would ever do something like that over email or sms. ever. hands off.

5. ALWAYS CHECK WHO SENT YOU THE EMAIL. the display name and the email adress can vary a LOT. anyone can check the display name. look at the email adress. does it look weird? call the fucking place it says its from. you will likely hear a very weary sigh.

6. if its in a phonecall, scammers love preventing you from hanging up or talking to other people to have a little bit of a think about whats happening. there should always be a possibility to go hey i wanna think about this ill call back the official number thanks.

7. do not, i repeat, do NOT a) call a phone number flashing on your screen promising to rid your computer of viruses after clicking a dodgy link and b) let them install shit on your computer like. uh. idk. teamviewer.

7.i. TEAM VIEWER LETS PEOPLE USE YOUR COMPUTER HOWEVER THEY WANT AS LONG AS THEYRE CONNECTED. IF YOU DONT KNOW FOR FUCKING SURE YOURE TALKING TO ACTUAL TECH SUPPORT DONT GIVE ANYONE ACCESS TO YOUR COMPUTER.

fun little addendum: did you know a link can just automatically download shit? like. a virus? an app you can't uninstall unless you reset your entire device? dont click links unless youre extremely sure you know where they lead. hover your mouse over it and check the url.

thanks.

[trainsinanime]

Had too much annoying stuff at my work the past few weeks, most of it my own fault, but also some caused by coworkers demanding things. Don't get me wrong, they're all nice people, and I actually love answering questions and helping folks, but there are ways to make it so, so, so much easier.

This is going to be all in the field of build problems with some code. So here are my unsorted rules:

Never tell me "it doesn't work". Or at least not just that. Tell me what doesn't work. Is there an error message? Where? What does it say? If you want me to come over to your computer to look at it, I can do that, but please say so.

Give me the full error message. Don't paraphrase it. Don't try to remember it. Copy and paste it.

If you want me to look at your computer, set it to light mode. I can't find bugs if I can't see the damn code and error messages. I know it's uncool, but trust me, being able to see what's going on is so useful when coding, you'll never believe how you managed to go without it! (This item is here as a reminder that this list is my subjective view of the world and should not be taken as gospel.)

Screenshots are only ever second-best, because I can't copy and paste them either into Google or into the search in our IDE. Please send me plain text if at all possible.

If the thing has a log, which build systems always do, send me the log. The full log. Not just the last line. Not just the line you found the most interesting. These can be useful, don't get me wrong, but allow me to search through the whole thing, please.

Have decades of experience. This is really crucial. If you don't, you're going to struggle with this. (This item is here as a reminder that it's okay not to know things, especially the ones in this list, that's why I'm making it in the first place. There are things that should be on this list that aren't because I don't have sufficient experience yet. But experience is the one thing that you get basically automatically, as long as you pay attention while working.)

If you have a build that failed, there are basically two ways to look through the log: From the start or from the finish. From the start, you go to the first item that says "error", and wonder about that. From the finish, you go to the last item that says "error" and wonder about that. Both of these have their values, especially if the log file is megabytes long and there are spurious "error" messages, but the bottom up is the one that is most likely to lead you astray.

You go up from the bottom, see "error", and that's it, you're done. Except in a sufficiently complex build system, which you shouldn't have but which we absolutely do, there is usually a series of nested stages. The log will typically be: benign shit error: You forgot a semicolon, you idiot, so I couldn't build this C++ file. You moron. hint: Maybe put it there? benign shit error: couldn't link the library because that one c++ file isn't there. benign shit error: couldn't build the installer because the one library wasn't there This is a contrived example that's much simpler than what my colleagues come to me with normally (it is in fact the kind of thing that I personally get wrong all the time), but you can see the problem here. A strict bottom-up approach will lead you to think the problem is the installer, or the linker, but actually it's a compile error further up. Seems obvious here, but now imagine the "benign shit" is several hundred or thousand lines each time. So look up, and try to see whether the real problem is there.

Actually read the log. Again, that's a thing I often struggle with myself, but over the years Clang and GCC have done a lot of work to create readable error messages for C++ that have sadly all ended up incredibly long, because C++ is a terribly overcomplicated language. It's not at all rare that you spend minutes looking for a thing, ask a colleague, and the colleague will tell you that the error and its solution are literally on the screen, in nice helpful text, right in front of them. That's not bad (unlike not giving me the log at all, which is always bad), it happens to everyone, but it's a useful reminder.

If you're in the middle of a complex multi-step process where you fix issue after issue after issue for weeks, write down what you've done, what errors you encountered and how you fixed them. That's something I don't do nearly often enough. That one error from two weeks ago will come back, and you will have forgotten how to fix it. This doesn't need to be a nice document, any text file will do, though putting it in a scratch section of your team wiki may be useful for others. It may also help with writing good commit messages.

Oh yeah, please write good commit messages. One line summary, then a quick explanation of what you changed and why. I like to type a lot (as you can see) so mine can get incredibly long, which is probably not ideal, but it should be something better than "Fix bug".

Seriously, the log and the error message. It may be garbage to you because it requires you to know the mind of a compiler developer to parse, but it is the main and often only starting point for any investigation.

[collectedoverspread]

Things I Hate About the Internet: When the Internet Archive Can't Archive

When I find something posted on the Web that seems important, one of the first things I do is to check if it's saved in the Internet Archive's Wayback Machine. Fortunately, sometimes it's already there. Unfortunately, sometimes the actual content isn't saved.

The early days of the Web were simple. If you wanted to save a page, all you had to do was download it, find any external resources it needed (like images), and download those as well. This is the kind of page that the Wayback Machine knows best. Nowadays, though, you'll often find that the traditional method only gets you so far. Instead of the actual content, you might get:

A login page: Of course, websites that require a login aren't new, but there seems to be a trend of "locking down" social-media sites that were previously public. Twitter is a prime example of this: It used to be very easy to archive, but after Musk's takeover it's hit-or-miss at best. Some sites, like Facebook, aren't strictly login-only but will require a login when you submit them to the Internet Archive. Both of these sites are used to publish statements of cultural significance, so it's quite disheartening to think that they can't be archived easily. (Update [5 June 2024]: I'd like to highlight Google Docs as well, because it's another place where people publish culturally significant statements, and also because there's an easy way to make it much easier to archive. Google Docs doesn't require a login when you submit a document to the Internet Archive, but it often shows an error message that prevents you from reading the document. If you share something on Google Docs, consider using the "publish to Web" feature, which will make it much easier to archive. Note that this is not the same as simply sharing a link to a public document. The "publish to Web" URL will end in "/pubhtml" rather than "/edit".)

A blank or partial page with code to load the actual content: I remember when "progressive enhancement" was a thing and "people who turn off JavaScript in their browser" was a demographic that websites actually took into account. This idea seems to be dying off though, and the ability to archive pages is suffering as a result. The Internet Archive says it can run JavaScript to archive pages, but this doesn't always work. Bluesky is a great example of this: You can view posts without logging in, but if you try to archive a public post all you get is a sort of "loading" screen (although the text of the post is in the source code at least). Its blog does this weird thing where you have to click in order for the content to show up. (Incidentally, archive.today handles both of these a lot better, so consider making it your first choice for archiving Bluesky posts.)

A media player without the media: This is actually a specific case of the previous item. If you try to archive the page for a YouTube video, for example, all you'll get is the player which uses JavaScript to load the actual video data. The Wayback Machine actually does have some YouTube videos archived, but those are few and far between and it's clearly some extra process (although the process itself isn't clear to me). I will point out that the Internet Archive's video collections also have some YouTube videos, but these are separate from the Wayback Machine and not quite as simple to search for.

Now, to be fair, a lot of the Web is still the kind that you can archive easily. But it's not a coincidence that all of the examples I gave are from major social-media sites; many of them are particularly unsuitable for archiving. It's frustrating that much of what happens online takes place on these platforms, without any good way to preserve it.

[legon751]

im the IT admin at work and ~80% of that job (which is about 50% of what i do im actually an electrical engineer who stumbled into being the only tech literate person at work) is reading text boxes for people or googling the error message in the screenshot they sent me

one day i was hooking up an ethernet jack and our shop manager goes "how did you get so good at this?" while watching me read the color code printed directly on it

i got the admin title when i pointed out to the owners that the router they had mounted very visibly on the wall in our shop was still using the default credentials because nobody had even bothered to do the initial setup on it

I don't know who needs to hear this but please please please please please explore the settings. Of your phone, computer, of every app you use. Investigate the UI, toggle some things around and see what happens. You won't break anything irreperably without a confirmation box asking you if you really mean to do that thing. And you can just look up what a setting will do before touching it if you're really worried ok?

Worst case scenario you just have to change the settings back if you don't like what happened but it is so so so important to explore the tools available to you and gain a better understanding for how the stuff you use works.

Even if you already know. Even if you're comfortable with how you use it now. You don't just have to accept whtever experience has been handed to you by default and it's good for you to at least know what's available to you.

[ttenvely]

PHANTOM — THEME 002

I’m back with another attempt! (Much improved from a year ago, love that for me!) Once again, I tried to make everything as customizable and accessible as possible. Some of the colors, etc. may need to be changed through the theme coding itself, though. (They should be marked!) Please be kind and give a like/reblog if you use or find it to be useful. If you find any errors or if you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to message me!

FEATURES

contained theme with 500px posts.

navigation tab. you can have up to six customizable links. and there’s a text box that can be utilized for updates, whether you have a personal blog, an indie, or you’re a creator. there’s also a space for muses or works in progress — whatever you find more useful!

accessible source link and scrollbars.

pinned post marker.

GUIDELINES

do not claim as your own.

do not touch or remove any credits.

do not use as a base code or take parts of this code.

feel free to edit and have fun!

CREDITS

base code is made by octomoosey

text font is from google fonts

icons are cappuccicons by suiomi

tabs styling base & script is by valcntines

Click the SOURCE LINK to preview and get the code!

[tech91india]

Google Messages is starting to roll out group chats with end-to-end encryption

It's no secret that SMS is an aging standard – in fact, most of the last fifteen years of smartphones have been focused on trying to replace it. While much of the world has moved beyond basic texting and relies on third-party apps like WhatsApp or Signal, those of us in the US aren't so lucky. Google has spent the last few years promoting RCS as a worthy replacement — all while trying to convince a certain company to adopt it. In honor of SMS's 30th anniversary, Android users are starting to get a long-awaited security feature.

Google announced today that end-to-end encryption for group chats is entering beta testing, ensuring that anyone who signs up for the Play Store program will have a more secure experience very soon. The plan comes nearly seven months after Google announced encrypted group chats on stage at I/O, and weeks after users reported error messages and strings of code pointing to an upcoming launch.

These encrypted chats work the same way RCS processes messages for one-on-one conversations and automatically appear in supported threads. Once it's active on your device, a lock icon will appear on the send icon to notify you of the change. Users will be notified of this feature as soon as it launches on their devices – and in fact, based on social media, the move is happening quickly. Late Thursday, Esper.io's Mishaal Rahman shared screenshots showing the rollout of E2EE to messaging users. This appears to be a server-side rollout paired with the app's beta version 20221129 and the latest version of Play Services, and the feature must be available to all group participants in order for messages to be encrypted.

The timing here is very specific. Today marks SMS's 30th birthday, and in a blog post celebrating the history of messaging, Google is also calling for an end to traditional, old-school texting. This all ties in with the company's ongoing "Get the Message" campaign, which calls on Apple to adopt RCS on iOS to enable advanced and secure messaging between the two platforms. Unsurprisingly, Apple was less than enthusiastic about the idea of ​​adopting a universal standard alongside iMessage.

[scarlettriot]

SHE LIT A FIRE: PT 7 - Dive In

Pairing: Dad!Kirishima x F!Reader

Warnings: Swearing, drinking (of age), scars, body image problems

Contains: Kirishima as a father. Reader has an established quirk. Reader is American but related to a canon character. Main characters are in their late 20s. Hurt/Comfort. Broken family situation. Absent mother-figure.

Summary: 72 hours can go by pretty fast when you have a dress to pick out, a swim lesson to teach, and a wedding to attend. It goes by especially quick when all you really want is to spend five more minutes getting to know a certain someone just a little better.

Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four | Part 5 | Part 6 Father's Day Special

Tag List: Has been moved into the comments ♡

A/N: I apologize for this chapter taking so long to complete, but I really wanted to do it justice. I think I have at least nine other drafts sitting in my google docs. If you come across spelling errors or anything, I'm very sorry. Little editing was done to this. Thank you so very much, @weebaboobs @silverhairsimp and @ace-of-books, for helping me get through this. This chapter, like the others before, switches between Reader's and Kiri's POVs. There is a minor text conversation, Katsuki is orange, and Reader is purple. And, with that, I hope you all enjoy ♡

Word Count: 7,787

THURSDAY

K. Bakugo: You home?

The message alert chimed on your phone while you were in the process of cleaning up dinner. Drying off your hands, you swiped your phone open and saw the text, and with a puzzled look, sent back your reply:

Me: Yeah. Everything alright?

In your head, you started going over the shift schedule until you remembered that Katsuki had these next several days off in preparation for Izuku’s wedding. He shouldn’t have anything to worry about regarding work or the office. His best man duties were far more important, at least, they were for the next 72 hours. Todoroki and Katsuki both were going to have their work cut out for them just keeping the groom-to-be calm enough to get to the end of the aisle. 

You kept your phone unlocked, open to your text chain with him while you finished up the last couple dishes, but no new messages came through. You didn’t even get the three little ellipses to indicate he was typing. But, what you did get was a sharp knock on your door about ten minutes later. 

On the other side was Katsuki himself, black garment bags piled high in his arms. “Katsuki! What the fu–” 

“Just lemme in.” You quickly stepped aside and closed the door behind him while he dropped all the bags down on your sofa. “Kyo showed me the dress you’re planning on wearing Saturday,” he started to explain, “‘S not gonna work.” 

You folded your arms and narrowed your eyes at the blunt blonde, “And why not?” 

“The event is too fuckin’ fancy to be wearing a sundress. You’ll be underdressed.”

You’d been so busy getting used to everything new in your life that you hadn’t even thought to check and see what the dress code for the wedding was, but you sure as hell weren’t going to let Katsuki know that. 

“So!” He gestured broadly to everything he brought.

“Katsuki, you don’t even know my size.”

The corner of his lips rose up with a smirk. “Just trust me, wouldja? I’ve got a knack for knowing sizes and cuts. Guess it runs in the family or somethin’.” He grabbed the bag on top, “All of these are from my old man’s collection last year. They were just sittin’ back in his storage room, not doin’ a damn thing, so I grabbed what seemed good, and now they’re yours.” 

You choked on air, “Excuse me, it sounded like you said they’re mine now.” 

“They are.” 

“You can’t just give me a dress, Katsuki! Especially not one from your father’s collection; it’ll take me at least a month to pay you back!” You were paid well at the agency, and you didn’t have many expenses to worry about, and it still would’ve taken a month! 

“First of all, I’m not giving you a dress; I’m givin’ you all of ‘em.” He held up a hand when you tried protesting. “Listen, they were just collecting dust! He’s not gonna put them back out on the racks, this way, they have a purpose!”

You held the nylon bag in your hands, looking down at it, and then over to the rest of them before coming  back around to Katsuki himself. “I don’t really know what to say… thank you, Kat.” 

“Don’t make a big deal out of this,” Katsuki shook his head, “it’s fine, really. But I do have to get going. Kyoka and I are heading over to the nerd's house. Gotta make sure his vows are down to one composition book rather than the four he had yesterday.” If you looked closely, it seemed the vein by his temple was far more pronounced than usual. 

Before he could make for the door though, you tossed one arm around his neck and pulled him down for a hug with the garment bag pressed between you. “Thanks again, Kat.” 

It took him a second to wrap his arms around you, and you definitely heard him scoff, but more importantly, you heard his quiet; you’re welcome.

Once alone again in your apartment, it took you no time at all to find every available surface to hang the many bags from, twenty-one in total. You unzipped each of them slowly, unveiling the presents that lay within, and honestly, there wasn’t a single one you disliked. 

Katsuki must’ve taken into consideration the colors you wore on a regular basis because all your favorites were among them. Not only that, but he obviously thought about the plethora of different events you’d be expected to attend now that you were back pro hero society, well, in some capacity at least.

Some of the dresses were more understated, and others were glamorous gowns. The ones that fell on the more flashy side, you zipped up to save for a later event, maybe the gala that was coming up in a couple of weeks. That still left you with fourteen perfectly viable options to pick from. After a quick text to Katsuki asking him a few basic questions, was there a theme to the wedding, what the venue was, and once he got back to you, you were able to take five dresses out of the running. 

Nine was still so many though. You had no idea how you were going to settle on just one. 

You’d been zipping up the back of the seventh dress when somewhere in your room your phone started to ring. You found it under one of the garment bags, flipping it over to see Eijiro’s and Remi’s goofy faces smiling at you. He was calling you early tonight. Not that you minded. 

“Hey!” You answered quickly before the call went to voicemail. 

Eijiro had been in his living room with Remi perched in his lap, the phone between her small hands. She’d already changed into her pajamas for the night, teeth brushed, but she begged to say goodnight to you before going to bed, and he didn’t see the harm in it. However, that opinion changed the moment you answered the phone. 

He could see from over top Remi’s head what you were wearing, and it certainly wasn’t the usual hoodie he’d grown accustomed to seeing you in damn near every night. Instead, you were in a gorgeous-looking dress, and he feared he called you at quite possibly the worst time. 

“Wow!” Remi held the phone out like she could see more of your dress that way. “Y/N! You look so pretty!” 

“Awe, thanks, sweets!” 

Gods, all he could think was that someone was over at your house right now, and he didn’t even know why but his chest suddenly felt so hollow even though you took the time away from your date just to answer his call. “Y/N, I’m so sorry,” He quickly interjected, “I should’ve texted you first. Sorry, we interrupted your evening.” 

“Wait,” You chuckled, “You’re not interrupting anything! Well, except my evening of trying to find a dress that’s suitable for Izuku’s wedding. Apparently, sundresses aren’t fancy enough.” 

And just like that, he was able to breathe again, laughing while you turned the camera around and showed off the new dresses you acquired. 

“I wanna help!” Remi bounced and started pointing out different dresses she wanted you to try on for her next. 

“Whoa, kiddo, you were supposed to be getting to bed, remember? This is just a g’night phone call.” Her little lip wobbled out in a pout. “Now, none of that. You’ve got your very first swim lesson tomorrow! Gotta get to bed so you’ll be all ready for it!” 

Remi had been open to the idea of getting in the pool at the top of your building, even more so now that she had a brand new swimsuit and dynamight themed floaties. And, with a few more sunny days of summer left, the date had been set for them to come to your place in the afternoon to see if she’d really go in the water. 

“What if… what if you manage to get in the water for ten whole minutes tomorrow, you can help me pick out a dress to wear afterward. I’ll try on whichever ones you want.” 

She seemed to consider your bribe, tapping her chin and thinking it over. “Can we get pizza after too?” 

“I think we can do that.” 

“Okay then. I go to bed now. Night night, Y/N!” She ended the call before he even had the chance to say goodbye himself. It wasn’t too big a deal though. He sent you a text saying he’d call you back once she was asleep. 

And, less than an hour later, he was stretched out on his sofa, doing just that. 

“Awe, you changed. I thought I might get a preview of tomorrow's fashion show.” 

“Awe,” you mocked right back at him, “and you pout just like your daughter.” 

He had to smile at that. “Hey, she learned from the best.” 

Time passed by, but Eijiro didn’t really notice, he often lost track of it on these late calls with you. But, a sort of routine had formed between the two of you. The first yawn of the night was a free pass, the second meant heading for your bedrooms, and the third was just before you both turned out your lights. And tonight, all three of them were caused by you. 

He crawled into bed and propped his phone up on the nightstand after plugging it in so it wouldn’t die during the night. Laying on his side with his arm tucked under his head, you talked until that third yawn escaped you. “Think it’s about that time.” 

“Yeah…” You sleepily agreed, and he watched your arm reach out of the screen and then go dark while it adjusted to the lack of light, and his did the same. “Sleep well, Eijiro.” 

“See ya in the morning, Y/N. Sweet dreams.” 

FRIDAY

The morning whirled by while Eijiro kept Remi busy, letting the sun rise high in the sky to warm the day before the pair set off for your apartment. She’d been wearing her swimsuit all morning and insisted he had to put his trunks on first thing, too, because he just had to be ready. It wasn’t so bad though, it meant that when they got to your place just after lunch, she was all ready to go. 

You met them up on the rooftop with access card in hand, and Remi bolted right for you just as she always did. “You ready!” He broke into a grin at your enthusiasm. 

“Yeah!” 

Except, that wasn’t exactly true.

Together the three of you sat on the edge of the pool for twenty minutes thus far, just trying to convince Remi to dip her toes into the water. She wasn’t having it. You even reminded her about the pretty dresses downstairs that she’d get to see, and that didn’t seem to be as enticing now that she was face to face with her biggest fear. But, she allowed you to entertain her just a little, pulling up small funnels of water and whirling them gently around her feet. The moment she was asked to put them in herself, though, that was too much for her. 

She would scoot herself back at least a foot. It probably would’ve been a whole lot further had it not been for Eijiro slipping his arm behind her back to stop her. 

“Pebbles,” he tried coaxing her back to the edge again, keeping his long legs still in the water, so no droplets went flying about, “It’s really not that bad, baby. You’ve got your floaties, and we won’t letcha go under. You trust us, yeah?” Even though she nodded at the both of you, the look on her little face made Eijiro’s heart ache. 

He stole a glance over at you, and where his daughter's ruby eyes were filled with anxiety and fear, he saw nothing but patience reflected in yours. You gave him a sad little smile and shrugged. “Well, we’re up here, and I’m not gonna let his big, fun, empty pool go to waste.” 

There was this moment, when your hands reached for the hem of your shirt, and you lifted it up over your head, where Eijiro thought his heart might have actually stopped. Staring was rude. Damn it, he knew better! But, he couldn’t help but peak when your hips wiggled, and your shorts dropped down your curvy legs. You kicked both over to a lounge chair before dropping into the water, using your quirk to minimize any splash that would’ve occurred. 

The tips of his ears burned red and he swore his cheeks must’ve been on fire while his eyes followed you around the pool as you swam a lap and then another. 

“Daddy. More sun blocker.” 

“Wha–?” He immediately refocused on his daughter. Looking down and checking her shoulders and cheeks for any signs of red on her skin.

“Not me. For you.” Her hands reached up and pressed against his heated cheeks. 

“Oh. Oh, I’m alright, Pebbles.” He kissed her little knuckles, “Thank you, though.” 

You’d made your way back over to them by now. The water glistened off your skin when you lifted your arms out to tickle Remi’s feet, and Eijiro just leaned back, happy to watch you work your magic once again. 

There was something about the way his daughter laughed when you were around, it was more carefree than he’d had the pleasure of hearing recently and you just made it all seem so effortless. Even now, you convinced her to crawl back over to the edge of the pool with a smile on her face. “You’ve got your dad right beside you, and I’m right here. Sweets, we’ve got you.” 

Her smile wavered, and she pulled at the skirt of her swimsuit. “What if water goes in my eyes again, or my mouth?”  

Eijiro sat back up and tapped her chin. “Well, you’re gonna keep your mouth closed, for one thing,” 

“And I won’t let the water get anywhere close to your pretty eyes. You just put your feet right here, okay?” Your hand hovered over the area just below her, not making a single splash or ripple in the water. 

And, by nothing short of a miracle, Remi took a deep breath and held it, cautiously dipping in one foot and then the other. 

Eijiro was the first to cheer, with you following just a millisecond after. Both of you with smiles so infectious they spread right to Remi’s, who started breathing again. “I– I did it? I did it! Daddy see! Look! I did it!” Her feet even kicked below the surface. “Y/N! See! Look at my feets!” You sent little bubbles all around her ankles, and a giggle so pure filled the air. 

In the minutes that passed, her butt scooted right to the very ledge of the pool, any further and she was going to be in the water. One look at you, though, and Eijiro knew he had nothing to worry about, you were ready just in case an accident occurred. 

“Gettin’ pretty close to the water there, Rem. Wanna go in?” 

Her lip was stuck between her teeth while she thought it over and then she motioned for him to lean down, whispering something for only him to hear. “Can you help me? You and Y/N. Want no water in my face.” 

He ran his fingers through her soft, dark hair, “‘Course we will.” 

He tugged his t-shirt off and tossed it beside yours on the chair. There was no way he missed your gaze falling the second his head turned back toward the water, and he did his best to hide the smirk on his face because at least he hadn’t been the only one staring. 

When he dropped next to you in the water, you tamed the splash just like you’d done for your own. He popped up at your side with a cheesy grin on his face, pushing his hair back out of his eyes while you flicked a small orb of water at him. 

“Alright, baby, just gonna slide right off the edge like we did,” He held his arms out for Remi, holding his hands out to guide her right where she needed to go. 

“There’s not gonna be a splash, I promise.” 

She nodded. “Countdown?” 

You and Eijiro started at the same time, “3…2…1–!” 

Remi used her hands and pushed off with a shriek leaving her lungs. Eijiro was quick, snatching her up right away. “That’s my girl!” He beamed, and her little fingers dug into his forearm while he twirled her around the water, making her legs make their own wake. You followed wherever they went, keeping the water steady and off her face until Remi reached for you, wanting you to carry her around instead. 

The afternoon snuck by while the two of you passed Remi back and forth, carrying her around the pool, around the people that came and went, letting her get used to the water for as long as she wanted. 

Eijiro was lazily following you as you made another lap around the pool with Remi on your back, her arms locked in front of your neck. Water splashed around the both of you, and you weren’t doing too much to mitigate it anymore. Perhaps more surprising was his daughter didn’t seem to mind. Not one bit. 

He couldn’t wait to tell his parents about this. Oh, and Mina too. And Katsuki and Tamaki. None of them were gonna believe it. Hell, if he weren’t witnessing it happen right before his eyes, he wouldn’t believe it! 

But, there was one thing Eijiro knew beyond a shadow of a doubt; none of this would’ve been possible without you. He’d hoped one day Remi would be able to conquer her fear, find a way to overcome it, but he never thought it’d be this soon. Apparently, all it took was the right person. 

You had Remi held up in your arms now, wading around in small circles, the pool far more crowded now than when all this had begun. “Daddy, has it been ten minutes yet?” 

Both of you laughed since roughly 160 minutes had passed since she took the plunge. “Yeah, Pebble, it has.” 

“Okay. I think I’m done now. But, we can come back, right? Y/N said if I learn how go under water I could swim with duckies and sharks someday!”

“Yeah, baby, if that’s alright with Y/N.” You rolled your eyes and flicked another orb at him.

“Of course it’s alright with me!” 

“Tomorrow?” 

Eijiro made his way closer with a smile on his face, thrilled his daughter was eager to get back in the water. His hands brushed yours when he lifted Remi out of your arms. “Not tomorrow, ‘m sorry. Remember, dad’s gotta go to a wedding. Y/N’s going too and you’ve gotta help her pick a dress out for it.” 

“Going together?” She asked while you both waded to the latter.

It was only decided last night that the two of you would ride there together. You mentioned something about getting a taxi, and he saw no sense in that, not when he’d have to drive by your place on his way to the venue. “I’m gonna pick her up, yes, you nosey child of mine.” 

“Good!” He lifted her back out of the water before climbing up the ladder behind her, turning to offer you his hand, but you were still all the way in the water.

“What is it?” 

Your eyes darted around and he saw you taken in just how many more people were up on the rooftop now. “Do you– would you mind grabbing my shirt f’me? I um–” You glanced down in the water, and it clicked for him when one hand settle across your scars.  

“On it.” 

He grabbed a towel too and brought it over. As soon as you were on the ladder, he let the towel cover you so no one saw a thing, held it around your back while you slipped your shirt on, standing  between his arms. “I’m not embarrassed by them.” Your voice was so quiet only he heard you and his response was just as soft.

“Glad to hear it. You’ve got no reason to be.” 

“I just don’t like the judgemental looks.” 

“Darling, you don’t owe me or anyone else an explanation.” You still stood so close to him, and you certainly didn’t know it, but it made his heart beat a little quicker. A habit he picked up every time you were in this close of proximity. “They’re just a part of who you are, but I understand why you don’t want strangers commenting. ‘S okay.” 

“Daddy!” The intimacy that had gathered between you instantly disipated, heads whipping towards Remi, who was sitting on the lounge chair, bundled up in her shark towel, “Pizza and dresses now, please!” 

Eijiro just shook his head until he felt your hand rest on his arm. “Hey, at least she said please.” He scooped Remi up in his arms, and you grabbed the towels, all three of you heading down to your apartment.

“Okay, daddy, I think we found best.” His daughter crawled up beside him on the sofa, hiding a yawn behind her hand, the excitement of the day finally catching up to her. 

The pizza had been finished, and you let Remi inspect the dresses you narrowed down from the night before. She pointed out the ones she liked and paid the others no mind. Eijiro had seen you in three of them so far, and each time you stepped out of your room in a new dress, his expression never failed to make your knees feel just a little weaker than before. 

Sitting up a little straighter on the sofa, his smile looking so unbelievably genuine, the words beautiful and gorgeous dropping from his lips more than once and reddening his cheeks in the process. 

The fourth time you stepped out of the room and gave your little twirl, that was the only time Eijiro had been rendered speechless. You felt his gaze on you, starting with your legs and working its way upward, lingering in certain places longer by only a fraction of a second. His lips were slightly parted, jaw just barely unhinged. The temperature in your apartment felt like it rose twenty degrees in a matter of seconds, all from the way he was looking at you. 

“Hello! Earth to dad. Y/N looks pretty, right?” His daughter's hand waving about in front of his face seemed to break him from the trance he was under. 

“Y–yes. Of course.” He cleared his throat and moved a yawning Remi off his lap, “I don’t think you got the back zipped up all the way, though. May I?” 

You nodded and turned around for him, felt his fingers hold your waist still while his other hand pulled the little zipper up the last few inches. 

“For what it’s worth, I think they all looked great on you.” His quiet words tickled your ear, breath warm against your skin, and you couldn’t help leaning back into his touch like you had that morning in his kitchen. 

“But you like this one best.” 

You felt his rumble of a laugh before you heard it this time. “I don’t think my opinion matters that much.” 

His calloused fingertips brushed against your shoulders, leaving goosebumps in their wake. “I think your opinion matters a lot, actually.” 

Of course, you didn’t need him to say outright that this dress was his favorite. His reaction to seeing you in it was more than enough indication. Over the past few weeks you’d shared with him, his words and actions slowly stoked embers low in your belly you’d almost forgot existed but hearing him admit,  “If it matters that much, then yes, out of all the dresses tonight, I think this one makes you look stunning,” That made them spark. 

“Thank you, Eiji.” 

A little shuffle from the sofa had both of you turn your heads. Remi found herself a blanket and pillow and made herself comfortable, her eyes getting weighed down by sleep. 

“I should be getting her home.” 

“Right, of course!” You started towards your bedroom, meaning to get changed real fast, but he caught you just as you crossed the threshold. “Oh, the zipper.” He nodded, and you spun back around. He pulled you right back into his hold, bringing the zipper down until you felt cool air hit your bare back. 

Facing away from him meant you didn’t see the way his fingers lingered, longing to touch you just a little more, hoping to satisfy his growing curiosity, especially since the dress dipped low enough that he was blessed with the tiniest glimpse of the lace panties you had on. He refrained, though, and said nothing more than you’re welcome when you stepped away to get changed. 

He grabbed his and Remi’s bathing suits that had been hanging in your hall bathroom, put them away along with a couple toys she’d brought out and by the time Eijiro lifted his daughter up into his arms, she was just barely clinging to consciousness. 

“Leaving?” 

“Yeah, pebble, gonna head home now.” 

You opened your door at just the right time to hear her ask. “Y/N coming too?” 

“No, she’s already in her home.” 

“Oh…” 

She held out sleepy arms for a hug once you were back in sight, and, for a moment, neither you or Eijiro were quite sure if she was going to release you. 

But, when she settled back against Eijiro’s chest, he offered you a hug of his own. Holding you to his side, “I call you when we’re home.” 

“I’ll be up.” Your arms were still around him, needing this for just a few more seconds that he was happy to allow. Both of your minds sad the night was ending but also, already looking forward to the day to come.

SATURDAY

Soft pastels painted the evening sky, providing a picturquese backdrop for what had already been a beautiful day. 

The ceremony for Izuku and Melissa was kept short in order to, “make sure the nerd could say his vows and not sob ‘em,” according to Katuski, but that didn’t take a single thing away from the event itself. A cocktail hour followed, whisking away the newlyweds and their close family and friends while the rest of the guests, yourself included, mingled around expertly decorated tables, sipping on signature drinks and munching on some of the most delicious appetizers you’d ever tasted. Perhaps the only thing tastier was the dinner itself. 

You sat at a large circular table with Eijiro on one side and Tamaki on the other. Lost in conversation with friends that had your cheeks aching from laughter.

It wasn’t long before the brand-new Mr. and Mrs. were sharing their first dance, and the DJ was calling for other couples to join them on the dance floor. Tamaki was already standing from the table, his hand holding his husband’s. 

“Do you like dancing?” You asked Eijiro, leaning back in your seat slightly so he could hear you better. 

An easy smile slid on his face. “Yeah, I like dancing, can’t promise you I’m all that good though.” 

His chair suddenly jerked, kicked by Mina, who’d been on his other side. “Excuse you! After all that time I spent teaching you how to dance for Kat’s wedding!” Her eyes landed on you next, “He’s great, do not let him sell himself short!” 

Before he could get any more of a lecture, Eijiro stood and held his hand out to help you up. He led the way onto the dance floor, finding a spot for the two of you between all the others that paired off. His hand softly rested on your waist, and your mind instantly snapped back to the night before.

You’d been trying not to think too much about it. Not wanting to read into it or see something that wasn’t really there. But maybe there was something more to it all. It certainly felt like there could be with the way your feet moved effortlessly along with his, in perfect time with the music. And you never really could deny how nice his fingers felt laced with yours. 

“Mina was right,” You mumbled with a small smirk when he cocked an eyebrow as if to ask about what. “You are pretty great.” 

You could’ve added, at dancing, to the end of that sentence, but then you might not have gotten to see his smile. The one that pushed up the balls of his cheeks, so his eyes crinkled at the corners, it was one of your favorites. 

He twirled you around suddenly, only to pull you back in close to him, and you got to feel that rumbling laugh again when your hand landed on his chest. “Guess I do still know a thing or two.” The wink he gave certainly wasn’t necessary, but it reminded you of that flame in your belly, and how it was  getting harder and harder to ignore. 

Eijiro had lost count of the number of dances he had the pleasure of sharing with you. When the slow songs blended into more lively numbers, you still remained in his arms. That was until Mina, Ochaco, and Itsuka, fueled by many fruity cocktails, pulled you away from him and into a circle of giggling women. 

He took the opportunity to lose his suit jacket and wander over to the bar in search of something to cool himself off. It wasn’t until he had a glass of whiskey in his hand that he noticed Denki, Hanta, and Katsuki all crowded around a hightop, Denki with his arm in the air, waving him over to join them. He just didn’t realize quite how fast he would regret it.

It was about five seconds after his whisky glass touched the white linen tablecloth that the question spilled from Denki’s lips: 

“Alright, I gotta ask since you guys are clearly gettin’ real cozy, how’s the sex? Good, right?” He saw his friend’s golden eyes find you in the crowd, and slowly he nodded his head. “With the way she moves those hips, it’s gotta be good.” 

“Denks, I’m driving t’night, and that means I cannot drink the amount of alcohol required in order to have this conversation with you.” 

Hanta snorted a laugh before taking another swig of his beer while Katsuki only rolled his eyes. 

“Awe, c’mon, you’ve been keepin’ it quiet for weeks, man! Give us something!” 

All he could do was shrug his shoulders and press the cool rim of the glass to his lips, knocking back about half of it in one go. “I’ve got nothin’ to give. We haven’t had sex.” 

But Denki really couldn’t help himself, “Why the fuck not? I know you’ve been outta the game for a while, but really, did ya forget how it works or…” 

This was just a conversation he couldn’t have. Especially not here. “‘S just not like that between us.” But, even as he spoke the words, they tasted acidic in his mouth. 

He knew what was holding him back, what kept him from trying to seek something more with you, but, more importantly, he knew what you were going through. The loss you had suffered and were still learning to cope with. He wanted more than anything to be there for you, and, so far, you were letting him, he was a person you trusted, and he didn’t want to chance these feelings he was having ruining that. 

Denki and Hanta shared a look before the blonde looked back at Eijiro. “Well, since it’s just not like that between you guys… guess I’m gonna go finally make my move.” He clinked the neck of his beer with Hanta. “Wish me luck!” 

The three men watched as Denki moved his way between groups and couples until he found you among them. Eijiro saw his mouth move, and you nod your head with a grin. “Damn. Don’t know how he does it.” Hanta chuckled before leaving for another drink. 

Eijiro knew how. He knew it didn’t have a damn thing to do with Denki and, instead, had everything to do with the fact you were just that kind of a person. 

“You’re gonna shatter that glass if you squeeze any tighter.” 

Katsuki brought him back, and he forced his hand to relax, but he still didn’t take his eyes off of you. 

“So, you gonna tell me what the fuck is really goin’ on? ‘Cause dunce face might believe that shit you said, but I sure as hell don’t.” 

He wrenched his eyes away from where Denki had his hands on your hips and snapped them over to Katsuki. “There is nothing else to tell. It’s like I said weeks ago; there’s nothing goin’ on with Y/N and I.” 

Katsuki glared up at him, and Eijiro knew it was taking everything in him not yell, so, he pulled him a little further back from the crowd, just in case. 

“Quit. Fuckin’. Lyin’. To me. You’re shit at it.” 

“Whaddya want me t’say, Katsuki? Huh? That I like her, ‘cause, yeah, I fuckin’ do.” 

“So why the hell is the human battery pack dancing with her then?”

He just barely managed to grit his response between clenched teeth. “Because I can’t give her the kind of relationship she deserves to have!” 

“The hell does that mean?” 

“All the time ‘m not workin’, ‘m with Remiru. I couldn’t even keep my ex around and that was when I was just workin’!” 

It was so damn hard for Katsuki to keep his voice down, Eijiro knew that, and he just didn’t care. He didn’t want to talk about this, but Katsuki wasn’t letting it go. “Your ex was a piece of actual trash, and you know that! So, why are you bringing that up! Y/N already hangs around with you and the kid, like, all the time! What would change?” 

“It’s different! We’re just friends right now! The expectations are totally different!” 

“You don’t really believe that, do you?” Eijiro prepared himself, expecting this to be it, but rather than explode, Katsuki sucked in a deep breath. “You’re being fuckin’ stupid; you’re gonna let fuckin’ Kaminari take your girl because you’re too damn scared. Man the fuck up.” 

Eijiro wasn’t sure there was ever a time in his life when he wanted to clock Katsuki quite as much as he wanted to at that moment, and in trying to keep that anger in check, he let something else slip rather than his fist. “There’s shit you don’t know.” 

“About what!” 

“About her!” 

That had the blonde blinking for a moment, and it was too late to try and back track. “What about her?” 

“Can’t say. ‘S not my place.” 

“Eijiro, I worked with that woman for months. I nearly fuckin’ died right next to her. I might not know everything about her, but I’ll tell ya what I do know: She loved her job, her life, and the people in it. Even after that failed mission, she wasn’t scared to go back out into the field, she didn’t want to quit, but something made her. If almost dying doesn’t make you quit, then something way more fucked up must’ve. You tellin’ me you know somethin’ about that?” Eijiro nodded his head slowly. “If she trusts you to share something so important to her, what makes you think she wouldn’t wanna be with you?” 

He swallowed thickly, trying to think of a way he could voice his concern without explaining what really happened to you. “She was hurt, Kat, bad. Physically, but way more emotionally, I think. Even if I had the time to make her happy, I don’t want to push her into something new before she’s actually ready.” 

There was no stopping Katsuki from scoffing at his making you happy remark but the rest he seemed to take to heart. “Fine. Ya wanna let her take the lead, alright, but you’ve got her best interest at heart. You know her better than anyone right now. You really think Duracell is gonna be as considerate?”

“No…” 

“Then I suggest you go fuckin’ do somethin’ about it before he actually thinks he’s got a shot.” 

He really had no idea what he was thinking besides knowing that the idea of you with Denki was going to make him ill. So, he gave Katsuki a final look and then was crossing the dance floor. He didn’t have a clue what he was going to say to try and get you to dance with him again… if you even wanted to dance with him again– Just as he started getting in his head about everything, he saw you right over Denki’s shoulder, and the smile you gave him made his heart skip several beats. 

“You came back!” You chirped just as soon as he reached you. 

“I’ll always come back for ya.” He grinned, knowing in the back of his mind he definitely meant that in more ways than one. “Do ya mind if I cut in, man? Promised Y/N a dance weeks ago.” 

“Awe,” Denki pouted, “Fine, just come find me if he decides to take a break again.” 

The way the blonde kissed your knuckles before leaving, Eijiro could’ve done without seeing that, but you laughed it off and slid right back into his arms, and suddenly, everything felt alright again.

You sighed, seeming to be thankful for the slow song that came on, and he could feel you leaning on him a little more than before. When your cheek pressed against his shoulder, he feared you might hear his heart hammering out an escape plan. 

“Did ya wanna take a break for a bit?” He asked quietly, still swaying you gently, but you shook your head.

“I’ll be alright for at least another song. Plus, I missed you.” 

Now, he definitely knew you could hear his heart, just as sure as you could see the shit-eating grin on his face, “Oh really?” 

“I– I just–” Damn, did you look cute when you got flustered. 

“Was Denks really that bad of a dancer?” He asked, and you stopped stumbling over your words, laughing softly instead.

Your own laugh blended with his. “He’s not bad, he’s just not you.”  

For the rest of the reception, you remained right by his side. Dancing, getting drinks, talking with friends, as the night wore on. Where one of you went, the other followed. Neither getting sick of the other’s company. 

You stood hand in hand during the sparkler send-off, waving goodbye in the vast crowd that gathered behind the limo taking Izuku and Melissa off on their much-deserved honeymoon. From there, though, the party died down tremendously. 

More guests sat in chairs at tables rather than dancing to the last couple songs of the evening. He’d wound his arm over your shoulders, and you’d had your head rest on him for the last ten minutes. “Wanna head out?” He murmured softly into your hair, and you nodded.

A few quick farewells, and see-you-Mondays, later, and the two of you were walking to his car, one of the last few that remained in the parking lot. The music followed you out, and your ears perked up, instantly noticing the notes to one of your favorite songs. 

“Damn…” He looked down at you with a bit of concern etching on his face. “Nothing. It just this song is one of my favorites, and, of course, it plays when we leave.” 

He’d unlocked the car and took your shoes from your fingers, setting them on the backseat along with his jacket. “What’re you doing?” 

“Dancing with you,” you let him slip your hand back into his, “just one more song before the night over.” 

Out here, you had all the room you could possibly want to move around, a dance floor for just the two of you, and yet you danced closer than you had all night. Your bare feet were on the tops of his polished shoes, your head tucked comfortably right under his chin, and that song you loved so damn much, now more than ever before, you wished it would never end. 

But you knew those last couple words, the final cords coming to a close, and the laugh that bubbled up out of your lungs with Eijiro started walking with you still on his feet back to the car; well, he was pretty sure that was his new favorite song. 

He helped you slide in, making sure your dress was out of the way before closing the door. Neither of you asked this time; his hand just held yours the whole ride back to your place, thumb ghosting across your knuckles while you watched the moon following you home. 

You’d fallen asleep again, worn out by the day, and he woke you just as he’d done before; his warm hand cradling your cheek, gentle caresses bringing you back to him. “Hey, lemme walk you up.” 

You had no objections to the kind offer, and he kept his arm around you as you walked through the lobby, during the ride up the elevator, and down the corridor while you pressed your thumb against the scanner to open your door. 

“Thank you for today, Eijiro. I had a lot of fun.”  

It was so easy for him to smile back at you. “Me too. Want me to call when I’m home, or are you gonna pass out before then?” 

“I promise I’ll stay awake.” And, before you had a chance to realize what you were doing, you rose on tiptoes and pressed your lips to his cheek, dangerously close to the corner of his mouth. “Drive safe, and thank you again.” 

His eyes were wide, but you were just a little too tired to notice, your mind not yet realizing what you’d done. “Uh– yeah– right! I’ll talk to you soon.” 

You went through the process of locking the door and putting your shoes away before it dawned on you. 

“Oh shit…” You muttered in your empty apartment. “Oh shit!” Fingertips pressed to your lips. You kissed him, you actually kissed him! Hand holding and hugs were one thing but kissed him! 

What were you gonna say when he called? Would he still call? Maybe it wasn’t that big of a deal to him, and he wouldn’t mention it at all, that would be the best outcome but, maybe it was a very big deal to him. Maybe you crossed a line–

You knew that knock at your door and quickly undid the lock. “H-hey, um, d–did you need something?” 

His cheeks burned redder than you’d ever seen them before. “Yeah…” his hands cupped your cheeks, and he leaned in close, “You.” The three-letter word landed on your lips just a second before his lips did. 

He couldn’t keep them against you for long, he told himself he wouldn’t, but from the moment yours brushed his cheek, he could think of nothing else. The doubts he had were swallowed up by the flame you sparked, and curiosity turned him back around and carried him right back to your door. Just one kiss. That was all he needed. Or that was all he thought he’d need. 

The moment he pulled away, he instantly craved more and wanted to bring you right back to him, but you looked so stunned, practically frozen in place, and he feared he’d been right before. This wasn’t what you wanted. All the doubts and insecurities crashed over him until both your hands grabbed a side of his undone necktie and yanked him back against you. 

Your lips came alive, igniting against his. 

Gods, he wasn’t sure he’d ever felt anything quite like you. He couldn’t remember another kiss he felt throughout his entire body, and yet yours felt like lightning running through his veins, setting every nerve on end. 

“Damn…” The word barely fell off his tongue before it was gliding back in your mouth, not quite able to get enough. You both sucked down ragged breaths when you broke apart with smiles plastered on your faces. “I– um– I should probably get goin’. My moms’ are still–” 

“--at your place because of Remi.” He nodded but closed his eyes when your warm hand rested on his cheek. “Just call me when you’re settled for the night, okay?” 

“Soon as I can, promise.” 

He’d meant to be on his way, he knew he should’ve been going but you turned in between his arms and he had to bite his lip to stifle a groan. 

“Think you can help me again before you leave?” 

You knew exactly what you were doing. Any hint of tiredness had left you the very moment he showed back up at your door. And now that he allowed you a taste, you were wide awake and greedy for more. 

The way his hands tightened on your waist almost made you melt. He’d always been careful with you, every touch gentle. But when you looked back at him over your shoulder, a quiet, “please,” leaving you, for the briefest moment you felt a fraction of the strength he actually possessed press into your flesh when he took just one step forward.

He guided you through your doorway and into the apartment, using his foot to shut the door so his hands never left you. “You make it real hard f’me to walk away, y’know that?” 

“Then stay…” his lips on your neck cut your sentence short, each kiss like fire licking your skin. 

“Can’t.” You knew that. Of course, you did, “But, I want to.”

One hand traveled up the length of your spine, nearly reaching that zipper that you knew he’d pull down only far enough because that was the respectful thing to do, and then he’d be gone. Because he was a good man, a great father, who needed to be getting home to his daughter. You shouldn’t have asked and yet the desire was just a smidge too strong for you to withstand; “Just another five minutes?” 

He’s fingers halted, the air thick with something brand new beginning, and he spun you around fast enough your breath caught in your throat, coming face to face with his perfect smile, “five more minutes.” 

[randomguywithwords]

On The Line: Part 1 of 3 (KamiJirou Short Story)

No quirk AU, normal life and all. Enjoy

––––––

Jirou’s phone buzzed. She frowned when she saw that it was an unknown number, but the country code was that of Japan’s. She answered, assuming it would be a prank caller, or Mina using a stranger’s phone because hers died from playing battery-draining gacha games. 

“Hello?” 

“Hi!” A boyish voice was on the other end, sounding slightly out of breath. “I’m Denki Kaminari, I need your help.”

Prank caller it is. Although it was unusual for them to introduce themselves by an actual name, It was likely fake. 

“I’m sorry, I think you have the wrong number,” She responded, mustering all the politeness she had at this stranger who was interrupting her precious break time. 

“No, no, please! You’re 81907621 right?”

“That’s correct,” Mechanically she said, taking a sip of her coffee and feeling a growing sense of frustration of how much time this Kaminari was wasting. 

“Just give me 15 seconds!” His voice was fraught with panic, so much so that Jirou started to question how genuine this person was. 

Rubbing her temples, she sighed, “Ok. 15 seconds for your sales pitch, and I’m hanging up.” She definitely could have hung up 10 seconds ago, but on the off chance this wasn’t a prank call, or a scammer, but an actual person in dire need of whatever assistance Jirou was supposed to provide, then so be it. 

“I’m applying for a job, and they asked for references, and I meant to put down my ex-teacher’s phone number, but I accidentally put yours instead, and I just found out and the company said they would be calling you soon and I really, really need you to tell them I’m suitable and not that I screwed up my application. I know it sounds stupid but I can prove it. My teacher’s name is Shota Aizawa and he’s a teacher at U.A High. You can look it up!”

Kyoka whistled under her breath at how fast he had managed to speak, and even more so that she caught it all. Guess being friends with fast talkers like Ashido and Momo was a good life skill after all. 

“Okay, I’ll google him and you to see if you’re telling the truth. You’re an alumnus there? What year?”

“Graduated just last semester.”

“Hm, how convenient. I did too. Lucky you landed me and not some old lady.”

There was a nervous chuckle on the other end. “I swear it’s the truth. Please help me, I’ll even pay you if need be. Just don’t tell the company I messed up.”

Some employee he would be, Jirou grumbled internally, though she did sympathise with his self-caused plight. She could remember the bunch of times she had total failures and had to be bailed out. 

“I’ll call you back in 5 minutes. And the second you ask for my credit card number I’m reporting you to the police, got it?”

“Yes!” He yelped. 

Jirou hung up, and then resumed her break, wondering whether all of this was worth the trouble. With another sigh, she pulled out her laptop and typed in the names she heard. 

“Hmm. It all checks out,” She muttered, scrolling through U.A High’s official website. Looking through social media accounts, she repeatedly saw both Shota Aizawa’s face in staff photos as well as Denki Kaminari. While the former looked as if he had woken up five minutes before taking the photo, the latter sported a mischievous look, with yellow, unkempt hair. 

In other words, Denki Kaminari looked exactly like the type of person who would fill in the wrong number in an extremely important document. 

Closing her laptop, she sent a text message to Kaminari’s number. “Send a selfie. I need to make sure it’s you.”

The reply – sent in a record-breaking time, she might add, was more amusing than she thought, seeing his expression that spoke levels of, “I’m not sure what face I should make for this.” Nonetheless, she was pretty convinced that Kaminari wasn’t bullshitting her. 

“Alright,” Jirou began when Kaminari answered her call, “I believe you. So, what do you need me to do?”

“Uh, right, I just need you to pretend to be my ex-teacher and answer their questions.”

“Right, but I’m a girl, if you haven’t noticed. Wouldn’t your teacher have a more gravelly voice, from the looks of him?”

A pause. “Sorry, I did not consider that. Uh...” The frantic pace in his voice was returning. “Do you have boyfriends?”

Jirou coughed to contain her laughter at the question, that Kaminari immediately corrected. 

“Shit – I didn’t mean it like that! Like – boy friends. Guy friends, friends who are guys!” 

“Yeah, so I give the phone to them?

“If you could, I would be so, so thankful.”

“Fine, I’ll do it. But now, you’re going to have to fill me in on your life story, or the parts relevant to this job. What are you applying for, by the way?”

“It’s an admin job at a tuition agency.” 

“Okay. Could you text me whatever’s needed? I’ll deliver all this to my friend.”

“Sure, sure. Thanks so much for helping me with this, by the way. I could send you some money or something.”

“Let’s discuss that later. Do you know when they’ll call?”

“Well it’s the lunch hour now, maybe in an hour or two?”

“Gotcha. Call you back when it’s all over, and good luck to you.” 

“Okay. Bye!”

Jirou hung up, and called another person, “Yo. Meet me in the canteen ASAP.”

5 minutes later, a tired Hitoshi Shinsou sat down in front of her, tired being a redundant adjective. “What’s up?”

Kyoka began to explain. Shinso’s face barely shifted throughout, and he only had one question at the end. “How are you so sure I can imitate this Aizawa person?”

“Here’s a video of him delivering a speech.” 

After five seconds of listening, Shinso put down the earphones. “Alright, so I just speak normally. Got it.”

A smile curled at Jirou’s lip. It had been an admittedly boring day of classes. Maybe this plot of sorts would make it more interesting, but Jirou wouldn’t admit it to herself yet, but she was becoming more interested in this character of Kaminari Denki. 

–––––––––

Just a plot idea I thought of and saw how applicable it was to these two characters. I’m not sure whether it’s been done before, but the wrong number texting trope has been. *coughs in Dial and Error by Ionica01 which is one of the best Todomomo fics I’ve read* I’ve linked it, hope she doesn’t mind ._. But it really is very good IMO. 

Anyway, I swear this is just a 3 part story. Not a full length novel/novella. I’m working on c25. 

[poppy-in-the-woods]

DOPEMAN Part 2 - Chapter 11

Tags:  violence, threats of sexual assault, probably bad English (this text has not been proofread by an English native speaker, so it might contain spelling and grammar errors).

Word Count: 1190

Tag list: @whiteeroseeeeeee​ @triplexdoublex @rumoured-whispers​

Author’s note: Sunday, Sunday, Sunday! Yes, I know I posted chapter 10 yesterday but... it’s Christmas! It’s the season of giving, right? So have another one. Hope you like it and feedback is always appreciated. 

I’m gonna put some asterisks at the beginning and end of the threats, so you can just skip it if you don’t want to read that.

On with the show!

Then Molly got a message on TeleGram.

“It's from Wes,” she said. “Or at least, it was sent from his phone.”

“What does it say?” Asked Qweenie.

“Hi, baby. Sorry, I forgot. Don't even think about coming here, do you hear me? I'm busy,” she read. “It's not Wes, he never calls me ‘baby’, he always calls me ‘gorgeous’.”

“Well, to be sure, answer by calling him by name,” Qweenie suggested. “The real Wes doesn't know that you know his real name, right? So if it's him, he should be surprised.”

“It's a good idea,” CC said.

“Okay ... what do you think of this? ‘I wouldn't even think of going to that filthy hole you call home, Wes. Are you fucking another chick or what?’”

“No, don't just write ‘another chick’” CC said, “mention Green Teeth Jenny. Wes slept with her recently, so if you ask him if he fucks her again, and he says he never has, it's not him.”

“Okay… ‘Are you… fucking… Green Teeth… Jenny… again?’” She said, typing at the same time.

“Yes, like that, send it,” CC urged her.

They waited an agonizing couple of minutes, until they heard the ding that announced that Wes, or whoever was pretending to be him, had responded.

“It's definitely not Wes,” Molly said after reading the message. “Watch this:”

Dopeman (22:25)

What do you mean “again”? LOL

I wouldn't touch Jenny with a stick.

Hey, you really don't have to worry, baby, I'm fine.

“He wasn't surprised that you know his name, and he has denied sleeping with Jenny,” Qweenie observed.

“One of two: someone is writing for him, or someone is forcing him to respond, and he’s speaking in code, so we know something's wrong,” Molly said.

“And how do we find him?” Said CC. “He could be anywhere.”

“Assuming Wes and his cell phone are close to each other, we could try to locate it,” Qweenie suggested.

“How?” CC wanted to know.

“As long as the phone is on, many companies offer a way to find your device,” Qweenie said. “You just have to enter your account, enter the number or do the steps that they tell you, and they triangulate the signal, or something like that, and send you the location on a map. What? I saw it on a TV show.”

“Yes, that's true,” Molly said, starting to type. “Anne's phone was stolen last year at a concert, and she had to do that. Hopefully Wes has the ‘find my phone’ option turned on. Does anyone know Wes' Google account password?”

“No, but he writes them all down in a notebook he has,” CC said. “It has to be somewhere.”

After searching for a long time, they found her hiding behind the money in the safe, and only because Qweenie happened to look there. Molly put the pile of clothes on the bed and sat in the chair. Five minutes later, she had found the location of Wes' phone.

“It's not far,” CC observed.

“Well, what are we going to do? Are we going to try to be stealthy or are we going to break in?” Molly asked.

“I don't think you can be stealthy there,” Qweenie observed. “My cousin works in that area, and all warehouses have two doors: one for loading and unloading and a smaller one for people. If they have Wes there, both doors will be locked tight.”

“No windows?” Molly asked.

“High up the wall, the kind that don't open. Either we go through the door or we don't go at all.”

“Break in it is” said CC. “I'm going to get my gun.”

“If we're going to break in…” Molly began, typing again.

“What? What are you going to do?”

“I'm going to leave a message for him, so he knows we're coming for him."

"What if he's not the one typing?” Qweenie pointed out.

“Then he'll know we're coming too.”

Google had a feature that allowed the owner to remotely lock the phone and leave a message on the lock screen, in case the phone was lost, to help the person who found it to return it more easily, but without accessing private data. Molly locked the phone and wrote a simple sentence, which she knew Wes would recognize.

 “Boss, the phone is locked.”

“What? What have you done, idiot?” Tar Pit shifted his attention away from Wes for a moment to snatch the phone from his inept bodyguard. “’You are not worthy to speak to ArkAngel?’ What the hell is this?”

Wes started laughing hysterically. The other three looked at him.

“She knows I'm not the one talking to her,” he said, when he could stop laughing. “She’s coming for me.”

*

“I don't know why you're so happy, Wes,” Tar Pit told him. “Do you think your face looks bad? When I’m done with your girl, she'll have to feed through a fucking straw. Although I might fuck her first, depending on how hot she is.”

“If you touch a single hair on her head ...!” He exclaimed, tugging at the plastic zip ties that bound his wrists and ankles, trying to free himself.

“What? What are you going to do, Wes? You're going to kill me? “Tar Pit scoffed. “With your hands tied behind your back? I do not think so. No, I'll tell you what you are going to do: you are going to watch while we pass her like a joint, and you are not going to scream, because if you do, I will beat you up so badly that I will kill you.”

*

“You son of a bitch!” He shouted. “You fucking bastard ...!”

The other bodyguard punched him in the mouth, shutting him up.

“Unlike you, at least I knew my mother,” Tar Pit said. “Wes, we really don't have to go to these extremes, just tell me where what I want is, and I'll set you free.”

Wes spat blood and saliva all over his face.

“Very well. I've tried to be civil to you, Wes, but you force me to be cruel. Wash his face, Lefty, he's got a lot of blood,” ordered Tar Pit, pulling a handkerchief from his pocket and wiping his face.

“Yes, boss.”

Lefty grabbed Wes by the neck and dragged him to a water barrel in the corner, where he proceeded to plunge his head into the water repeatedly, almost rendering him unconscious.

*

“How long do you think your girl can hold her breath?” Lefty whispered. “Maybe I can check it by shoving my dick down her throat.”

“Sure she can hold it long enough to bite it off,” Wes replied, gasping and coughing water aside.

*

Lefty threw him violently on the couch.

“How is our other prisoner, Righty?” Tar Pit asked.

“Still not speaking, boss,” Righty said, emerging from the other room with bloodstained knuckles.

"And his brat is still missing?”

“They're looking for her, but she's nowhere,” Righty replied with a shrug.

Wes was looking at one of the windows, the one directly across from him, and for a fleeting second, he thought he saw amber eyes staring back at him.