#i go insane over those parallels
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!!!! SPOTTED.
Sometimes, I think about how Furuya's cover would be So Done For the moment he finds himself together with Takagi/Satou, Kazami, and the kids at the same time.
If it's just Furukaza and Takasatou, then sure. Amuro the waiter could simply be dating a PSB officer. If they're just with the kids? Amuro just has his assistant, Hida-san. But all of them together? Busted. How do you explain yourself, Amuro-san?
This is also prompted by all the parallels that exist between these two pairs, especially in M25:
The wedding vows for TakaSatou being spoken over a Furukaza scene in M25
Takagi getting shot to protect Satou's life (even if it was a fake) while Furuya saves Kazami's life at the cost of getting collared with a bomb
Both Furuya and Satou drive a Mazda and are known for their absolute reckless driving (Satou's car even used to be white as well!)
Satou and Furuya are both haunted by Death in some way, and keep losing people they love to the grips of Death
A relationship between higher-ranked/senior and lower-ranked/junior colleagues in which one exclusively calls the other with the honorific "-san" despite being close
#furukaza#takasato#takasatou#takagi wataru#furuya rei#amuro tooru#satou miwako#kazami yuuya#dcmk#meitantei conan#detective conan#detco#my doodles#i go insane over those parallels#GA what do you mean furukaza mirrors one of your poster canon pairings like that#what do u mean
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do you ever go do autism crazy for something you can feel it in ur chest. like it’s hard to breathe almost it’s making you gasp for breath and jump around physically. got an adrenaline rush thinking abt Kirigiri.
#GODDDDD. I LOVE HER SM AUTISM WOMAN.#I go insane thinking abt her and her life and how she develops in THH and past it#and how Makoto and her literally bring out the best AND worst in each other#and her narrative parallels w Byakuya. the way they’re so similar that they’re hypocrites for disliking each other#at first and then the way they’re indispensable in that they’re they only other one that Understands why they’re like that#I cannot word my thoughts for her nearly as coherently unfortunately so no paragraphs tonight. I’m just going to start growling like a dog#the way she fucking commands so much respect and control and how strong she is#and the fact that she is constantly reinforcing that strength by shoring up any weakness or vulnerability with terrifying effectiveness#that leaves her invulnerable but completely alone. and for a long time that seemed like a good thing#and she may even believe it is#but you hear the way she talks about her father and you realize she’s HUMAN. she doesn’t want to be an island all the time.#she has emotions just like anyone else and being viewed as though she doesn’t is incredibly alienating and reinforces her isolation#if she really didn’t care she wouldn’t still be mad that her father left her alone. it wouldn’t still pick at her the way it does#it wouldn’t drive her to abandon the entire purpose of her family by revealing herself as the Ultimate Detective in order to get to him#and then there’s Makoto and Byakuya challenging those aspects of her all over again#Byakuya sees the worst of her. he believes what she puts forth as herself and sees that ruthless cold efficiency#and he isn’t wrong to believe those things. as much as she wears a mask it isn’t fake that she has those qualities#but then comes Makoto who doesn’t see through her mask either but chooses to believe she must be human somewhere even if he’s not sure#he continues to trust her with absolutely no reason to and it feeds into her own ruthless efficiency by making him her Guinea out of sorts#but it also means there’s someone on the shoreline of her island. they want to come in. Will she let them?#that island is painful but not more painful than being vulnerable.#hhhh#I’m crazy
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Straight up kinda thought they were about to kiss here is it really possible for a gear and a forbidden beast to fall in love
#machine translation can not parse most of what eddie is saying. but testament certainly says some insane shit to him#they like. empathize with him to the point where they dont understand why he wants to stay alive so bad LOL?#like ‘yeah being an artificial lifeform with opposing wills (human memories vs gear instincts) fucking sucks. why dont YOU want to die .’#thats crazy. mostly because this was written like. just going off their win quotes lol??#and yeah those definitely acknowledged their connection perhaps even parallels + testament’s empathy for him#it didnt really get expanded on til ac+ Like a year after this doujin was published#SORRY FOR LIKE. GOING NUTS OVER WHAT IS ESSENTIALLY 2007 FANFICTION#i jjust think testament and eddie are interesting. also the art in this chapter is gorgeous shoutout UHHHHH#soutetsu. they did not put any kind of link in their comment space :( oh well it wouldve been dead now anyway.#the kat goes meow#gg#totentanz
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concert pianist!xiao is currently on the brain…
#i simply cannot emphasise how much he strikes me as a musical person#especially in a modern au#unfortunately he probably had a very strict/ harsh upbringing (parallels the cruel god) in which he was forced to practice insane tons a da#and that’s why he became so talented a prodigy#like paganini!#anyway yeah that’s the vibe i get from him#i could turn this into a long fic methinks#~10k+ words maybe#of course i’d need to differentiate it substantially from ‘that one time debussy got you a date’ but i think i can manage#who’d the reader be in this?#a singer? but i don’t know much about singing and i’d prefer to stick to instruments i know for accuracy reasons…#(i say while writing about the flute and harp and pipa but shhh i promise i did research for those okay)#maybe some stringed instrument#or maybe they wouldn’t even be a musician#although i do like characters bonding over music a lot (as is evident throughout… practically half of my xiao writing)#OOH. how about childhood friends to lovers?#xiao from the really limiting and strict household while reader lives next door and is much more relaxed than him#mealsothinks this could be quite fun#okay time to put this on the waiting list#concert pianist with trauma. childhood friends to lovers. let’s go.#r’s random thoughts
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rylan, you should try to get some sun // you remind me of everyone. hey dorothea, do you ever stop and think about me? rylan, did you break your mother’s heart // every time you tried to play your part? skipping the prom just to piss off your mom // and her pageant schemes. if you wanna be alone, come with me. when we were younger, down in the park // honey, making a lark of the misery. don’t you wanna be popular culture? you’re a queen selling dreams // selling makeup and magazines. is it easy to live inside yourself? damn dorothea // they all wanna be ya. everybody’s got nowhere to go // everybody wants to be amazing. the stars in your eyes shined brighter in tupelo. rylan, california’s rotten // dress light blue to be forgotten. I guess I’ll never know // and you’ll go on with the show. stay with me among the strangers // change your mind and nothing changes. if you’re ever tired of being known for who you know // you know you’ll always know me. rylan, you should try to get some sun // there’s a little bit of hell in everyone. but are you still the same soul I met under the bleachers?
#going fucking INSANE over these parallels thanks for asking#maybe I should make one of those posts with the genius lyrics but idk how#if you know how to do that lmk please I’m desperate over here
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i do Not like the ending of a real rain im sorry this may be controversial.
i get what they're going for with hotch shooting the unsub. i get the foreshadowing of the past case where hotch talked a man down who was then acquitted and went on to kill again. i get the parallel of the unsub killing people who he feels were unfairly acquitted and then hotch killing him out of implied fear that he'll be acquitted by a sympathetic jury. but if you're going to attempt a parallel like that and have a character make a choice like that you need to commit to it i think? there's not even a conversation about it. i dont think it's ever brought up again, hotch doesn't even say anything.
one scene on the jet, if it was well-written enough, could make me accept the ending even if i dont like it, but no. the episode ends with hotch shooting a man who is surrendering and everyone is apparently fine with it?
(i'd like to note that this is a criticism of the writing, not hotch. i think this is an out-of-character choice without justification beyond "one time i talked a guy down and he got acquitted so this time ill shoot the guy as he surrenders. and then keep my job somehow". it just feels lazy and weird.)
#foyet is very different#i will admit ive not actually seen that ep but#i dont think i need to have watched it to say “beating a man to death after he kills your wife is different from whatever this is”#negative#i guess#idk what to tag#i do like this episode i just dont like this ending it doesnt sit right with me#and again without further justification it feels very out of character#like okay yeah#one time hotch didnt shoot a guy and he got acquitted and went on to kill again#but a LOT of the unsubs on the show have some reason behind what they do that could get them found ncr#or i guess “insane” in the states#should they just be shooting all those people?#again i get there is the added layer here of hotch enacting a flavour of vigilante justice on the vigilante#but again. for that parallel to work you need to commit to it#you cant just go “okay episode is over now lol.”#there are the ending news clips but those dont add anything new to me#im sorry im rambling#i just dont like this ending#disclaimer that i am canadian and we dont even have life w/o parole much less the death penalty so that is affecting my viewpoint probably#criminal minds rewatch#criminal minds s01e17#a real rain#not tagging the gen criminal minds tag or the hotch tag because. i dont know. this is a little more negative than my usual ramblings#criminal minds 1x17
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they were so caught up in having a woman wear pants in elizabethan england that they forgot they didn't have to involve antisemitism for historical accuracy's sake. in the witch and vampire show.
so i started this show and it just gets worse and worseeeee not only did it lift the romance subplot directly from twilight (and not well) but they also are trying to play the forbidden love angle hard in the fantasy racism vein except it's a "cross-species" relationship between the two whitest people i've ever seen in my life and there are three people of color in the whole (first season of the) show who aren't villains and it seems that every other episode (and sometimes ebery episode and sometimes twice an episode!) there is a man physically or magically subjugating a woman and i keep waiting for the big reveal at the end to be stolen from fucking rainbow rowell
#she doesn't struggle with anything for more than 5 minutessssss where is the Strife where is the conflict#why did she win his dad over in like 2 episodes. why did they have to get heterosexually vampire married and now everyone she meets keeps#starting conversations with how strongly she smells of him bc they mated so recently. girl you don't get to smack abo in here as well.#ALSO (spoilers for s2 i guess) there are literally chances for some fascinating parallels between matthew killing his dad and satu killing#meridian or whatever her name was but instead satu hasn't shown up at all and her name has been said once.#she's just the specialest woman to ever live so we don't have to care about the other insanely powerful witch who is also a weaver. i guess#this show just feels either lazy or rushed so they have to keep it simple? i hope the source novels are better bc they Have to have been#also i thought i was vibing with the 1590s costuming what with all the starched lace ruffs that seem to be actually tatted? hello gorgeous?#and then she was wearing a shift with no sleeves (???????) and ribbons just tacked onto it? like yes i appreciate them not doing the 'laced#so tight i can't breathe' scene and them having decent looking stays but like. if you're adding tatted lace cuffs to his shirts why would#you also make a sleeveless little tight-necked undershirt to be worn in Winter In Bohemia On Horseback#the men are all annoying and they yell so suddenly about shit that doesn't matter to demonstrate matthew's composure and humanity slipping#bc the time period was so savage. or something. also the blood disease he apparently has had the whole time that is just now becoming a#problem? for. reasons i guess?#also also is louisa being a drunk and a proto party girl a reference to jane the virgin or do i just miss jane the virgin. the world may#never know......#anyway back to the post. they brought in a rabbi and i knew things were going to go south for him :( he is alive but ridiculed and harassed#then they cut back to the present and i have to watch a very british man do an outfit montage in which he tries on 3 different gray shirts.#OH MY GOD ALSO like a third if not half the main cast is meant to be french and NONE OF THEM SPEAK FRENCH and it's so fucking obvious and#it's painful. it's painful i say!! if you've lived in france for 1200 years why would you anglicize your pronunciations of place names!!#especially those of your fucking family estate!! where you live!! none of them say the french the same way either ive heard like 4 differen#ways to say 'sept-tours' none of which were. french or correct. it's infuriating and it's grating and none of the producers noticed or care#god. why am i still watching this. why does n*tflix only let you speed things up 1.5x#sorry it's so easy to find things to take fault with it's almost made this drudge fun so now you all get to hear about it 🫶
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Dungeon Lords and the Human Need for Connection
When I came across these panels again the other day, it got me thinking about dungeon lord parallels again.
...And I spiraled until I was writing my thesis statement about how All Four Dungeon Lords (Yes, Even Laios, Stop leaving him out of these discussions) Are Actually the Same.
Firstly (because on some level everything is about Thistle to me) I thought about how the lion could have very likely given Thistle a similar offer when his loved ones started losing their souls/rebelling/etc. And yet, there is no sign that Thistle ever accepted such an offer, nor any sign that he used magic to forcibly change people's opinions, the way Marcille briefly threatened the party with while she was dungeon lord:
Instead, he ended up with the fucking dining table that drives me insane. Which probably means that either Thistle rejected the offer, or the lion sensed it wouldn't go over well and didn't even try it.
Making replicas of people doesn't seem to be an uncommon part of granting the dungeon lord's wishes. In his time, Mithrun actually took the demon up on it:
(Not pictured; the infamous lamia-version of his love interest.)
What makes Mithrun different from Thistle and Marcille in this instance is that Thistle and Marcille both became dungeon lords for the sake of specific people. Both were motivated by the terror of losing their most important people, and both told themselves everything they did was for the sake of protecting those people.
Because they were motivated by genuine love, copies or mind manipulation were not palatable. I think Thistle even in the late stages of his madness probably would not find these to be acceptable solutions. No matter how twisted, possessive, and obsessive his love became under the dungeon's influence, it was still from the fear of losing those original, irreplaceable people that he was doing all this. Even as his relationship with Delgal and the other Melinis fell apart over the years... even as he was left with only their soulless bodies... he would still rather cling to whatever was left.
Perhaps on some level, Thistle recognized the same thing that kept Marcille from following through with her threats:
Even in the state of endlessly chasing their desires as dungeon lords, they couldn't feel truly okay accomplishing it that way.
For Mithrun, meanwhile, the people in his fantasy world were a means to an end. It was all-encompassing insecurity and the pain of not being wanted that led him to become dungeon lord. His desire was not fixated on any specific people - it was broad enough and desperate enough that anyone could fulfill it. The thing is, Mithrun prior to becoming dungeon lord was by all accounts well-liked. But his emotional walls were up so high that not a single one of his admirers could make him feel known and cared for. The kind of crushing perfectionism he exhibited in that stage of his life often comes with a silent and equally crushing imposter syndrome. No one actually knew him, because Mithrun didn't let them, even though every aspect of his personality then was a desperate plea to be seen and liked. I think the sad truth is that, by the time he became dungeon lord, Mithrun didn't truly believe that happiness was something that could be found in other people. (It's telling that his wish was for a world in which he had never been discarded; perhaps for a world in which he never felt the need to put up those masks.)
In this respect, Mithrun is actually more alike to Laios than he is to Thistle and Marcille.
Laios was told again and again by the world that it was wrong to be who he was - that he was unlikeable when he acted the way that came naturally to him. The lion didn't bother asking Laios about replicas; those would be meaningless to him. Like Mithrun, Laios had lost all hope of being liked for who he was, but took it one step further: Laios had lost hope that he could find happiness in the human world entirely. At that point, all he wanted was an escape. To leave the pain of the human world behind and become someone, something, different. All he really needed in order to be tempted into it was the assurance that his friends would be safe.
All four of these stories have a pretty obvious throughline when you think about it: the deep, intrinsic need for human connection and what happens to someone when that need cannot be met.
All four of them were starving for connection. All four of them experienced alienation and isolation that made them desperate enough to turn to the demon.
Marcille (a half-elf whose unstable aging left her without peers) and Thistle (raised as the only elf in a kingdom of humans) both formed intense attachments to the few people they did become close to, and went off the deep end from fear of losing them.
Mithrun and Laios were both rejected by others for aspects of themselves that were out of their control, and tried to cope by developing masks that left them unable to feel accepted by the people still in their lives.
...So it's fitting, then, that genuine human connection is also what saved all four of them in the end.
(Thistle is a little arguable here; I personally don't think he died, but even if you do believe he died at the end of the manga- Yaad being able to connect and empathize with him is what gave him peace and solace in his final moments.)
Dungeon Meshi is about alienation and connection as much as it is about food and cycles of life. (Or more like, these themes are masterfully intertwined - food is used to represent love and connection over and over again. But that's a whole essay in and of itself!)
#dungeon meshi spoilers#marcille donato#thistle#mithrun#laios touden#dungeon meshi#dunmeshi#marcille#laios#thistle dungeon meshi#meta#aphelion.txt#When I started typing this i had no idea that i was going to end up positing Mithrun-Laios#as a mirroring pair opposite Thistle-Marcille#But there you go#(I mean they don't mirror each other as closely obvs. but the parallels are there.....)#oh lei oh lai oh lord
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don’t cross the line
pairing: ellie williams x reader
warnings: smut (mdni), cheating, angst, mutual masturbation, just morally wrong, mentions of alcohol
Parties in Jackson fucking suck.
It’s not like youve ever been at a different party, but still. You’ve read about them in the little magazines from the old days you found on patrols. Small blurbs about meaningless celebrities, a concept you barely even understood, drinking themselves to oblivion. Paparazzi pictures of young starlets in black limousines, rappers getting coked up in dark bathrooms. You never really got it. Parties in Jackson were like a parallel universe.
“They must have made that up” you told Dina, your best friend and trusty patrol partner. “Nope” she shrugged. “Heard that Paris Hilton girl was really like that.”
Paris hilton would have hated Jackson parties. A bunch of old people, and a handful of young ones, dancing around to the beat of an old country song, if you could even call that a beat.
You could have responded with a simple “No thanks” when Jesse had invited you to tonights party. You could have told him you were tired, busy, sick, he would have left you alone - But you didn’t, alas, this is how you found yourself here. Alone, in an old barn, listening to the batshit insane, drunk ramblings of an old fart named Seth.
“Ripped that fella’s throat with just one move” Seth mumbled, laughing stupidly at his own words.
“Go — got him real good n’dirty, I tell ya”
Whoever said “respect the elderly” clearly never met Seth. His breath reeked of whiskey and cigarettes that he traded for food and supplies, and my god, he was standing so close you could see the veins in his yellow tinted eyeballs. You really were too polite for your own good, you thought to yourself, because Ellie would have shoved him away already.
Ellie.
You felt like slapping yourself in the face. What the hell does she have to do with this? Why can’t you just let it fucking go already? It truly was desperate, and pathetic, and borderline immoral, the amount you spent thinking about that girl.
So what if she used to be your best friend. So what if she was the first girl who ever made you feel something, even if it was too late. She has a girlfriend, and she’s not thinking about you, she doesn’t care, maybe never has, probably never will. She left you for her, with that useless excuse of “Cat doesn’t like it when we hang out” followed by a pathetic “We can do it in secret, though.”, when she saw your eyes turn glossy and your breath hitch up. Fuck her, and fuck those memories. Fuck all the nights you spent together telling each other your deepest and darkest desires, and especially fuck that time you almost-
“Hey”
You'd recognize that voice anywhere.
A royal blue flannel button up shirt appeared at the corner of your eye.
“Mind if I steal her for a sec, Seth?”
She sounded raspy, laced with that velvety layer her voice had adorned whenever she had a sip or more of Whiskey. When you drank together for the first time, at the ripe age of sixteen, next to a big bonfire and the ever so familiar scent of pine lacing your sense of smell, you told her that she sounds different when she’s drunk. More mature, somehow. Less fidgety, slower, sultrier. She replayed that sentence over and over again in her head. “Sultry”, she whispered to herself. “I sound sultry.”
Seth cleared his throat, a deep cough escaping his lungs.
“Of course, pretty girl like her shouldn’t be around me for too long, might start acting all wild!” The old man threw his hands in the air, and disappeared somewhere in the scarce crowd.
Your heartbeat was faster than normal, but that’s not new. Not when she was around, anyways.
Ellie stood by your side, hands crossed over her chest. She had a glass of Rum in her hand, not Whiskey. Funny.
“You’re a Rum type of girl now?” you questioned, never meeting her gaze. If you bothered to look to your side, you would have noticed she was staring.
“Fame’s changed me, I guess” She responded, mixing the fluid in her glass.
One week ago, Ellie went on patrol. One week ago, Ellie killed more infected in one go than anyone else had in years. She was the town’s hero, the infected slayer. Cat even made her a badge. She wasn’t wearing it now.
“Cat or fame?” you quietly mumbled under your breath.
You weren’t spectacularly brave with your words, but one glass of presumably expired white wine made a simple girl go very far.
“Hah. Funny” she scoffed dryly, earning her Rum another pointless swirl.
“You’re the towns hero, I’m the towns comedian, we’re both pretty famous, i’d say.”
Ellie’s gaze was fixed on the wall. She squinted her eyebrows slightly, humming in response. You looked over at her, for just a second, noticing the dim light reflecting in her eyes. She was a sight to behold, the most beautiful girl you’ve ever seen. You wish she knew that. You wish you could be the one to tell her.
You inhaled deeply, and it came out so shaky that when you exhaled you were terrified she heard the tremor in your body.
“Thank’s for the save, by the way” you said quietly, apologetic. You even smiled politely, which was absolutely for nothing, because she wasn’t looking at you, avoiding your gaze like the plague.
It’s not like Ellie and you didn’t talk since that night she told you she couldn’t see you anymore. It’s been two whole years. You had to talk, you had to communicate somehow, even if it was through polite smiles and dry conversations during shared patrols. Hell, you even went to Cat’s birthday party you somehow were invited to. Dina was practically on her knees begging you to come with her, and who could say no to Dina when she looked at them with those puppy eyes that could tug at a monsters heartstrings?
“Yeah, no problem. That man’s a fucking dickhead” Ellie scoffed, leaned against the bar and crossed her legs.
“Where’s Cat?” you questioned. Are you sure you only had one glass of wine?
“She’s not here” Ellie responded dryly, seemingly annoyed at your question. She almost tsk’d when you asked. She didn’t look surprised by your rude antics, maybe you got like this more often than you thought. How about that time you told her you’re surprised Cat didn’t pack her a sandwich with a sticker on it’s wrapper during patrol?
“I can tell… why?” you inquired. Your own voice was deeper too, it almost matched hers.
“Didn’t wanna come” Ellie said, stuffing a hand inside her pocket. She was uncomfortable, clearly, and wanted, needed, to make you shut up. It’s not because your presence annoyed her, It’s because she knew she was wrong. She knew she fucked up when she ditched you, and if only you knew how it was eating her alive every day. She had to do it, because in her eyes, she would have done something much worse if she hadn’t.
Being around you when she wasn’t with Cat was hard enough, because she knew she could never have you, that you’d never want her. Not if you knew. You were too smart, and too good, to ever want to be with her. Cat was easy, she didn’t ask too many questions. She’d lay there for Ellie when Ellie told her to, and she would agree to stop a conversation when it got too personal. When Ellie cried at night, and woke up sweating, she didn’t ask why. She let it go, and Ellie knew you never would have. You’d fucking hate her if you knew. She could have saved the world — and she didn’t. He didn’t let her. The wounds she had were too deep, they were clawing and tugging at her skin from the inside. Ellie was a tortured soul, and you didn’t deserve that. That’s why she left, and maybe, that’s why she was here right now.
“That’s too bad” you mumbled quietly. You did your best to make it sound genuine, and you failed miserably.
Ellie scoffed.
“Yeah”
You shifted slightly, and walked over to stand right in front of her. You met her eyes for the first time. Those stupid, beautiful emerald eyes.
Ellie looked down, and looked up at you. She swallowed deeply.
“Anyways” you sighed. “Think I’m gonna go”
“Already?” she questioned, slamming her Rum filled glass on the bar counter.
“Yeah, I’m cold and it sucks in here, so” you said, and smiled politely. It really was freezing, and talking to her like this was painful enough.
“Let me walk you” she blurted.
What?
“Huh?” walk you where? the door? you knew where it was.
She tugged at the loose string on the bottom of her button up. It was ironed, where did Ellie find and iron? Did Maria do it for her? Town hero perks?
“Let me walk you home” she repeated, her voice carrying a touch of insistence. Once again, you found yourself captivated by her burning gaze, those eyes that seemed to hold secrets yet to be unveiled.
“I can walk home alone, Ellie” You huffed, ever the stubborn.
“No” she exclaimed.
“Maria said it’s been pretty dangerous”
“I can have my own back, you know, I’m not an idiot” You scoffed. You knew she didn’t think you were an idiot, why did she have to walk you home?
“I know that — Just wanna make sure you’re safe”
“Gosh, Ellie thank you! thank you!” You said in the most high pitched voice you could fathom. “The town’s hero is at it again, everybody!” You exclaimed, slightly raising your voice, earning both of you a few curious looks from the townspeople.
Ellie wasn’t embarrassed. She was just annoyed. And she wanted to slap you in the face for being so stubborn.
She grasped your arm with an unexpected forcefulness, pulling you along as she swiftly guided you outside. In the process, you accidentally bumped into a few people, hastily muttering a string of apologetic "sorry" and "excuse me" as you hurriedly tried to navigate through the crowd. You attempted to resist her firm grip, trying to free yourself with a burst of strength, but you found yourself overpowered by her determination.
Once she managed to pull you outside, she finally released her grip on your arm, allowing you a brief respite from her firm hold.
“You are not walking me anywhere, Williams” you scoffed. What made her think you needed her help?
“You’ve always been so fucking stubborn” she turned to face you. Her hands were on her hips. Her face wore the same expression she did when you went on your first patrol together, when you insisted on going left, even though she knew you had to go right.
“I’m walking now” you stepped away, and started walking. “And if you followed me — you wouldn’t be walking me home, you’d be stalking me” you exclaimed as you backed away.
Ellie quickly followed your pace, her boots stomping on the snow covered ground.
“You are”
Step
“So fucking annoying”
This was the longest conversation you’ve had with Ellie in two whole years. It felt like nothing’s changed, except for everything.
The following ten minutes were torturous. You were walking fast, Ellie right behind you. No words were exchanged between you, the silence enveloping the crisp air as you both walked in silence. Your attention turned inward, focusing on the sensation of the cold air filling your lungs with each breath, and the soft sound of Ellie's boots pressing against the creaking snow beneath her.
You finally arrived at your place. It’s grey exterior blanketed in a pristine layer of snow. Every inch of its structure was adorned with a delicate coat of white.
You turned around to face her.
Ellie’s skin appeared slightly flushed, with a rosy tinge highlighting her cheeks, and her nose bore a noticeable reddish hue, hinting at the crisp winter air. She didn’t say a word.
You took a deep breath. She looked cold.
“Want me to make you some tea?” you questioned. You didn’t mean to let her in, and she didn’t expect you to ask. She looked surprised, her eyebrows turned slightly upwards.
“M’fine” Ellie insisted, her voice resolute despite the chill in the air. She sought warmth by tucking her hands deep into the pockets of her dark green coat.
“Jesus, Ellie — Just come inside” you urged, the concern evident in your voice.
“If walking you was stalking wouldn’t coming in be breaking and entering?” she inquired, a sarcastic tone lacing her words.
“Just —“ you uttered, your voice trailing off as you reached for the doorknob, slowly opening the door.
“Come inside”
"Fine," Ellie relented, her resolve wavering as she decided to follow in your footsteps.
The house welcomed you with its cozy warmth, though slightly disorganized in its appearance. Yet, amidst the subtle chaos, it remained a comforting sanctuary, always your safe space. Being there brought a sense of solace, as if the troubles of the outside world faded away. And with Ellie's presence by your side, an inexplicable tingling sensation spread through your being.
You proceeded to heat up some water, carefully attending to the task of preparing tea, a familiar ritual.
Ellie never knew where to sit, or where to stand, so there she was, examining every single one of your movements. The air felt thick, like you could cut the tension with a switchblade.
"Your house looks different," she murmured in a low voice, leaning against the cream-colored wall.
“Bad different?” You questioned, taking out two mugs from the cupboard.
“No, just… more stuff” she murmured.
"Well," you uttered as you gently placed the teabag into the awaiting mug. “You haven’t been here in a while, so”
Ellie hummed in response, and bit her lower lip.
“You’ve kind of changed too.” you murmured.
“Tattoos looking bigger. And you look more tired. Plus, your shirt looks ironed, so maybe you even… showered? Woah.” you teased.
“Fuck, you really are funny huh?” she said, crossing her arms.
“Always were a sucker for my jokes” you responded with a sly smile.
She didn’t mean to say what she said next, because that was like opening a pandora’s box. Or, more like, the gates to hell.
“This is the longest conversation we’ve had in years” Ellie murmured. You handed her the green colored mug, your finger brushing her’s for a second. You both flinched.
“Mhm” you took a sip from your tea. It was still so hot, it burned your tongue.
“And who’s fault is that?” You questioned, raising your eyes to meet her burning gaze. It was incredibly impulsive.
Ellie rolled her eyes. She looked baffled.
“You still don’t get it, do you? She questioned.
“Get what? that your girlfriend doesn’t like me? trust me Ellie, I get that, crystal clear.” You smiled, as you slammed your mug on the counter.
“I’m not doing this right now” she declared, her tone firm and resolute.
Oh, did that sentence burn through you.
“I think you are” you stepped forward to face her. She looked terrified, like a lost puppy. Not so “town’s hero” now. Thank god she wasn’t wearing Cat’s badge, because she would have looked ridiculous.
“I’m not” she said quietly, looking at the floor beneath her.
You felt the ever so familiar lump forming in your throat. She owed you.
“Tell me what it is exactly that I don’t get” you spat. The pent up anger from all these years finally just fucking bursted. She left you. She left you for her, your best fucking friend.
“It’s just funny how she didn’t give a shit about Jesse, or Dina, or anybody! Just fucking me, right? I’m the fucking problem?” you blurted. Your voice was shaky, filled with rage. The tears in your eyes started forming. You didn’t even know how much you were holding it inside of you, it all overflowed, at 2AM, right in your kitchen. Right where she told you she couldn’t see you anymore.
Ellie was frozen, her mouth parted slightly. She was flushed, and it showed. It wasn’t the cold weather anymore, it was you. She didn’t expect this to happen so fast. She came inside for some fucking tea.
That’s when you shoved her. And she didn’t even fucking move.
“Don’t fucking do this to me” she begged. Her voice was desperate, and shaky, and what the fuck was she hiding?
You found yourselves standing uncomfortably close to each other, the proximity palpable. The warmth of her breath gently grazed your forehead, creating a tantalizing sensation that sent a shiver down your spine.
She took a deep breath.
“What I did was bad. But — fuck, Jesse and Dina never slept over, you know that?”
The room fell quiet.
“So?” you whispered. You couldn’t even look at her.
“Don’t do this” she begged. Her eyes were glossy. She looked as if she was about to cry, too. Her chest was pressed up against yours.
“I’m not doing anything” you mumbled quietly. Her body was so warm. You felt like you were about to have a heart attack, and Ellie felt like she already did.
“If I would have stayed… I would have done something… so much worse” she whispered. Her hands were trembling.
“What would you have done?” you whispered against her. Dangerously close now. You could feel her unsteady heartbeat.
“You know” she whispered back. You saw the vein on her neck, how beautifully spattered the freckles on her skin were, like a constellation.
“Please” you begged.
That’s all it took.
Almost.
"No," she whispered, her voice barely audible. The proximity between your lips was almost intimate, an agonizingly close distance.
“Please” you begged.
Her eyes were dark, breaths unsteady and fast, like she just ran a marathon. Her chest was rising up and down. She’s dreamt of this moment, for so fucking long. But she couldn’t. She couldn’t fuck more people up. She’s done more than enough.
“You don’t know what you fucking do to me” She whispered against your skin. Her eyes were shut closed. If she didn’t see, maybe it would’ve been less wrong. If she didn’t see, maybe Cat wouldn’t either. She could go home, kiss her girlfriend good night. Walk away. But there you were, pressed up against her, making her head spin like a carousel, fogging her brain with your scent, and your lips, and all of the times she pictured you like this, helpless and begging. She never looked at Cat how she looked at you. Cat never made her feel like she could faint at any given moment. Cat was safe, she was a sunny day. You were a thunderstorm, a cloud, soaking her up. When Ellie said she would have done something so much worse, she meant that.
Cat was right when she told her to stay away, she always was. When Ellie begged Cat to stop her ramblings, Cat told her she looks at you like she’s hungry. That it’s disgusting, that she wishes it was her. She was crying, and begging, and she was right. That’s why Ellie knocked on your door that way. One person she could save.
Ellie’s hands were firmly pressed up against the wall, locking you in.
“You dont know…” she whispered.
You whimpered silently at her words. You were aching everywhere, you just needed her to do something.
“Show me” you said, and it came out more as a plead. You were begging her.
Ellie leaned in, drawing her face closer to yours, and your lips delicately brushed against each other. The electrifying touch sent a shiver down your spine, evoking a soft, involuntary moan that escaped your lips. It went straight to her heart, and then slipped right to her cunt.
Her lips were plump against yours. Just barely touching.
She delicately brushed her lips against yours, causing a gentle collision that sent a jolt of electricity through both of you. A shaky breath escaped her mouth.
“Ellie…” you whispered. Ellie, just do it. you can’t take it anymore.
She abruptly slammed her hands against the wall, causing it to tremor ever so slightly. The suddenness of the action startled you, making you jump in response.
“Shit” she huffed.
And her lips weren’t against yours anymore, neither was she.
Ellie backed away. She couldn’t.
Your lips quivered, and there it was. Her precious thunderstorm erupting.
The tears came out hot, and sticky. They ran all over your cheeks. You let out a quiet sob. Ellie was staring, her breaths uneven and her mouth agape. She almost did what shes been dreaming of doing since the moment she saw you. Almost.
your legs betrayed you, giving out completely. You crumbled down onto the floor, unable to stand any longer. With tears welling up in your eyes, you instinctively curled up, bringing your head between your legs as you tried to suppress the sobs that threatened to consume you.
It was a truly pathetic sight, Ellie towering over your quivering body. It’s been two whole years, and you missed her every single day that passed. It was gnawing at you. Seeing them hand in hand, kissing on the street, making out behind the dumpster. Thinking of Ellie hugging her at night, caressing her skin, touching her everywhere, telling her she loves her, fucking her, tasting her and not you. It should have been you. But it couldn’t be.
If only you knew that when Ellie was between her thighs, you were the only one she thought of. If only you knew Ellie had to bite her lip till it bled to stop from screaming your name. That’s why Ellie always turned off the lights, That’s why Ellie shoved Cat’s face down on the bed with her entire palm when she took her from behind. That’s why she always closed her eyes.
Her body gave up on her, too.
She sat on the cold concrete floor, trying to steady her breaths.
“Look at me” she commanded. It was breathy, and shaky, more of a plea than a real command.
You wiped your tears.
“I can’t” you whispered.
“Please” she begged.
You mustered the strength to lift your face, raising your gaze to meet hers.
“I think about you all the time” you blurted.
She huffed in response. Your soft voice was killing her. She couldn’t even respond. She just watched.
“Ellie…” you whined. The distance between you was torturous. There was so much space, and at the same time, no space at all. You could still feel her lips brushing against yours. You wished you could taste her. She yearned for that even more. She felt like something was chaining her down to the floor, holding her captive.
What you did next, is something Ellie had buried deep inside her darkest fantasies.
You delicately caressed your smooth neckline, doe eyes burning through her’s.
Ellie swallowed deeply.
“What are you doing?” she mumbled, lower than a whisper. Her voice was raspy, and her pupils were blown out. She was imagining, for sure, hallucinating, intoxicated by the picture of you being pressed up against her. It couldn’t be real.
“I need you” you whimpered.
She almost crawled right to you right then and there. Her knees were spread open in front of you. Her breath hitched in her throat. Her heart felt like it was leaping out of her chest.
“You cant” she insisted. It felt like she tried to convince herself, and not you. You couldn’t. There’s no way.
“I want you” you whispered, lowering your hand to caress your breasts.
Something took over you. Being pent up with frustration for years birthed such a desperate sight, she couldn’t fathom it.
She grunted in response. Do that again and she’d lose her fucking mind.
You cupped your breast.
Ellie threw her head against the wall. She forgot how to breathe. Her nostrils were flared, and she almost slapped herself in order to convince her that this was real. This was happening.
“Holy shit” she wheezed.
“Please” you begged, and squeezed your breast forcefully. Your nippled hardened against the material, so you gave them a twist, sending a bolt of electricity right through your clothed cunt.
Ellie’s mouth was agape. She was transfixed, mesmerized. Her cheeks grew more red by the second. It was so fucking wrong, she almost told you to stop, but she couldn’t. Her voice felt dry and her brain was buzzing. Her ex best friend was so desperate for her she couldn’t even help herself.
The image of Cat went through her head. Cat seeing, walking in. Cat trembling and crying, telling her she told her so. Cat screaming at her that she’s an awful person, that she hurt her, That she should burn in hell.
Then, you took your shirt off.
And Cat was gone.
Her eyes were darting from your tits to your needy eyes. You were giving her that look she only saw in her dreams. That desperate, pathetic twinkle in your eye. She saw a girl look like that in an old porno she found. Ever since, that picture of your face replacing the actresses burned through her memory. She knew it was for her, you were showing her, but she looked like she wasn’t supposed to see, a peeping tom, a pervert. Her cunt twitched inside her tight black boxers. Cat never made her cunt feel like this.
The dainty lace bra adorned your body. you looked like an angel, eyes red from crying, cheeks still wet, chest rising up and down. She wanted to ruin you.
You stopped for a second, looked for a sign to keep going.
The room was silent, the only noises that muttered were your soft whimpers and Ellie’s harsh, uneven breaths.
“Take it off” she whispered. You almost couldn’t believe she said that. You nodded pathetically. She always knew you’d be like this. She imagined you nodding your head frantically, kneeling beneath her and undoing her belt, way too many times she wouldn’t dare to admit. Her heavy breaths were a confession to all of her sins.
You unclasped your bra, your tits spilling out of it with a sigh of relief.
Ellie was hypnotized, fully staring. She remembered the first tine she saw you in a bikini. Jesse noticed she was staring, and he gave her some advice. “Look at the ground or the sky, pretend there’s something super interesting going on there”
She didn’t need to pretend now.
“Fuck” she grunted, feeling her cunt twitch inside her briefs. Her mouth was agape, she wanted those nipples between her teeth. Her tongue slightly moved involuntarily inside her mouth, imitating the kitten licks she’d give your tits if she could. It was truly pathetic. Thank god you couldn’t see. Her fists were clenched, and she was forcing her feet onto the ground. If she pretended something was pulling her in, she wouldn’t crawl towards you and take you like she always wanted.
You toyed with your nipples, rolling them between your fingers, almost as if you read her mind.
“Spit on ‘em” Ellie demanded desperately.
“Ellie…” You whimpered, her voice was making you grow wetter by the second. If you took your pants off, she could see the wet patch that soaked through your panties, making them almost sheer. You were almost embarrassed, but it was too late now.
“Do it” she commanded.
“Do it for me” Ellie begged. She brought a hand up to cup at her perky clothed breast. She imagined it was you, your tits between her fingers. She wanted to squeeze the fat, take it in, spit on it, latch her mouth onto your nipples, slap them as you ride her thigh, or her face, or her whatever the fuck you wanted.
The saliva ran down your chest, droplets flowing at an incredibly slow pace, each and every one of them teasing Ellie, mocking her. Almost there, almost reaching your sensitive nipples. When it finally did, Ellie was breathing so heavy she almost wheezed.
You rubbed the spit all over your tits, glazing your nipples with the liquid, coating them shiny with your saliva - all for her. You were staring at ellie with your mouth open. You moaned at the sensation, making Ellie shift and slightly slide off the wall. She was gone.
“Feels so good” you whined.
“Fucking shit” She huffed. She bucked her hips, searching for that friction. She didn’t do it yet, but oh she will.
“Mhhm” you hummed, a high pitched moan escaping your lips.
Ellie almost went cross eyed.
“Need you, please” You whispered while massaging your breasts. You were squeezing the fat harshly, almost punishing yourself for being such a dirty, desperate girl.
“Show me” She begged, in between breaths.
“Show me how bad - shit”
You cupped your cunt, your hand feeling warm over it. Your clit twitched. Ellie let out a moan so deep, you almost came right then and there, all over your panties.
You circled your clit through your pants, teasing Ellie without even realizing. I can do it, and you can’t! It felt like you were mocking her.
“Take that shit off — fuck” she huffed. Her hand was resting on her thigh, pinching it. Stay down. Don’t crawl, don’t fuck, don’t cheat.
In a matter of six seconds, your pants were on the floor. You crossed your legs together in embarrassment. What if she saw how wet you were?
“Spread” She commanded.
You looked at her stupidity.
“Spread ‘em, please” Ellie begged.
You spread your legs slowly, revealing your soaked white cotton panties to Ellie. Her eyes rolled back at the sight.
“Fucking shit” she grunted.
Her hand met her own cunt and gave it a stinging slap, followed by a desperate grunt. She moved her veiny hand up and down, almost grabbing her pussy. She felt perverted, and sickly, and so, so good. The friction of her hand on her cunt was followed by a string of deep moans, chanting your name like a prayer. She didn’t even know how bad she needed it.
“Wider” She commanded.
You spread your legs so wide your thighs almost hurt. When Ellie saw that wet spot, she lost it.
“So wet” she whispered in disbelief.
“Show me that pussy” She whimpered.
“Show me that fucking pussy”
You moved your panties to the side, the cold air hitting your clit making you flinch. You swore you could cum just from clenching in and out, listening to the obscenities leaving her mouth.
“Holy shit” She moaned, and cupped her cunt forcefully.
“So pretty” she whispered. It was even prettier than she thought, glistening folds and a little puffy button poking out. She needed to see inside, everywhere.
“Spread it with your fingers” She grunted. You parted your lips with your pointer finger and your thumb, wide open for her. She saw how bad you were clenching, begging for something inside. Your puffy clit moved with every pull.
“Wanna fuck you so bad” she groaned, it was killing her.
“Need to see you Ellie, please, please” you begged.
With that whine leaving your mouth, Ellie unzipped her jeans, and pulled down her boxers slowly, revealing you of the most beautiful sight youve ever seen in your life.
Her thighs were creamy, a mound of soft, dark hair adorning her pubis. Her slick was shining on her milky inner thighs from the boxer briefs she took off slightly brushing on them. She was so wet, it almost glistened like a far away star, deep in the galaxy. Her mouth was parted and she looked famished.
Tiny droplets of sweat were shining on her forehead, making her hair stick to her face. She was a panting, desperate mess.
You couldn’t help but slide your hand up your thigh, and started running your fingers through your glistening folds. Finally. “Oh god, Ellie” you moaned. You wished those were her fingers, if you could, if you only could.
Ellie moaned like a porn star at the sight. You thought she might tease herself, might play with her cunt before doing something. She proved you wrong.
She slid two long fingers inside her aching hole, squelching sounds filling the air. She pumped them in and out, fucking herself like a madwoman. Her hungry eyes were fixated on your fingers caressing your needy cunt. Her mouth was watering, borderline drooling, soft “ah!”s escaping her lips.
You circled your clit slowly, and felt your lower stomach leap at the contact. You lapped your slick with your middle finger, and sucked on it. It was obscene. Ellie’s cunt twitched. She almost came.
“Good girl” She groaned at the sight.
“Faster” She commanded, a deep moan escaping her lips.
You fastened your pace, and she was looking you directly in the eyes while pumping her fingers inside her cunt. With every pump, you could see a milky cream coating her fingers, the sight alone made your puffy clit ache with pleasure.
It was so wrong, and obscene, and pathetic, and you almost came.
“Fucking shit — fuck yourself, show me, fuck yourself” She whimpered, fastening her pace as well. The moans that left her mouth were deep, bursting from the inside of her soul.
Her fucking ex best friend.
“E — Ellie m’close” you whined, inserting a finger inside your soaking hole.
“Can see how fucking tight you are - fuck”
“Faster, do it f’me baby faster” She groaned.
The harmony of your moans intertwined, creating an intoxicating symphony.
“Ellie — gonna cum, fuck” You babbled, drool running down your chin. You were so close, eyes rolling to the back of your Ellie filled brain.
“Please fuck me, please fuck me”
“Cu — Fuck, shit, m’cuming” Ellie grunted.
“Say my fucking name” She demanded, her words coming out so sloppy and ridiculous.
“Ellie — Ellie! Please!”
Ellie almost screamed. She wanted to tell you to come for her, wanted to hear the noises youd make, see your face twist and the screams of her name, but she couldn’t help herself, the sight of your desperate cunt and the look on your face, so stupid, so cumdrunk, so pathetic, begging her to fuck you - brought her to the edge. It errupted inside of her like a volcano, pumping and squeezing on her fingers. She rode her orgasm until it tickled and hurt.
When you came, Ellie almost shed a tear.
This wasn’t just wrong.
This was vile.
She pulled up her pants up and left without saying a word, too embarrassed to look you in the face.
When she got home, Cat was sound asleep on her bed. She gave her a delicate kiss on the cheek, and whispered;
“I’m so sorry”
#ellie williams#ellie x reader#ellie williams smut#ellie williams x reader#ellie williams fanfiction#the last of us#ellie williams x you#wlw#lesbian#ellie smut#ellie williams angst
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I've seen a lot of people comparing Huskerdust to a healthy version of Stolitz and it's kinda got me thinking... Staticmoth as the evil fucked up version of Fizzmodeus.
THINK ABOUT IT!!!!! The parallels between Val and Ozzie are obvious. Like that man wants to be Ozzie so bad it's insane, from the way he dresses to the way he decorates to straight up OWNING A ROBO FIZZ, Val clearly wishes he was the embodiment of Lust. But are there parallels between Vox and Fizz? Actually, surprisingly yeah. They're both showmen, like aggressively so. They're very public figures, with their face all over every product in Hell(albeit Vox is doing it a lot more purposefully then Fizz). Fizz's antagonism towards Blitzø is actually pretty reminiscent of Vox's towards Alastor(except Fizz and Blitzø have a lot more baggage lmao), and they even share some aesthetic similarities! Specifically the colors of Fizz's robotic limbs matching Vox's overall color scheme. Which speaking of robots, that's probably their biggest similarity overall: they're both partially made of technology. I hesitate to say cyborg because Idk how much that applies to Vox, since object heads aren't typically classified as cyborgs as far as I know, and we don't actually know how much of Vox is organic(also cyborg is just one of those words I have an inexplicable dislike of Idk-), but like. Think cyborg I guess. Like Vox is a LOT more of a dick and probably doesn't have a very tragic backstory? Maybe? Unclear. But the similarities are undeniable.
Okay, now that individual parallels are out of the way, how could their relationship to eachother parallel Fizzmodeus? Starting with baseline aesthetics: they got the height difference. It's not as dramatic as Fizz and Ozzie's but TO BE FAIR, Huskerdust are the same way(their height difference is obvious, but not as massive as Blitzø and Stolas'). Staticmoth is also very buisness-partners-with-benefits and some hints at deeper feelings, which is how we were introduced to Fizzmodeus. I don't think Val and Vox feel the need to hide their romantic feelings? But tbh it could go either way we haven't seen much of their dynamic yet. That's kinda where the similarities I could spot find because see previous sentence, so let's move onto the differences!
I think a good way to breakdown what makes Staticmoth toxic Fizzmodeus is actually by bringing Alastor and Blitzø back in to compare and contrast how Val handles Vox's rivalry with how Ozzie handles Fizz's. In Radio Killed the Video Star, the only reason Val tells Vox that Alastor is at the hotel is to piss him off. He clearly enjoys Vox's reaction, and keeps egging him on. Teasing him about it. Which like, friendly teasing between partners is well and good, but Val is clearly just doing it cause he wants to see a fight and doesn't care about how distressed Vox is about this. Vox goes off on his own and sings a fuckin banger, gets publically humiliated, causes a massive blackout. Val doesn't really do shit to help him out, just kinda sits there and. Idk watches? Unclear what the other Vees are actually doing because most of Stayed Gone takes place in funny TV land where Vox is capable of bending reality to his whim for the sake of visual interest. But what Val is actively doing during the musical number isn't important so who cares. What's important is that he egged Vox on, convinced him that confronting Alastor right then was a good idea, and then just sat back as Vox got so pissed off he had a meltdown. Which I SWEAR I'm not trying to dramatize this scene it just sounds really fucking bad when you write it all down from this perspective. I think it's also worth noting that all of this is DIRECTLY AFTER Vox did the exact opposite for Val, calming him down so he doesn't make a fool of himself in public.
Meanwhile compare that to how Ozzie handles Fizz and Blitzø's relationship. During House of Asmodeus, once Fizz realizes Blitzø is there, he starts publically roasting him about how shitty his love life is. Ozzie encourages him, and even gives him a little congratualtions in the background when Verosika joins in for changing the subject, but the difference here is that House of Asmodeus takes place in a much more controlled environment, so it's less likely either of them will have to face consequences for being assholes. There's also how Ozzie's encouragement is just a lot more genuine. Like "yeah babe, go insult that guy who traumatized and abandoned you whoo!" rather then "hey hey look there's that guy you hate. You should go fight with him lmao show him who's boss." Then there's the ending. At the end of both Stayed Gone and House of Asmodeus, Vox and Fizz eat shit and die. Don't worry they're both fine like immediately after, but while in House of Asmodeus Ozzie immediately rushes over to Fizz to make sure okay, we uh. Do not see Vox interact with anybody but Alastor in the direct aftermath of his eating shit and dying, which is fair because he's in his weird little gamer cave. Then we skip straight to the Vees having a meeting to decide what they're gonna do about Alastor, and we don't really know what any of them were doing in the interim between the end of Stayed Gone and the meeting, so uh this part of the comparison kinda falls flat. But again something worth noting is that Val just straight up. Does not care about Alastor during the meeting scene. He's sitting there bedazzling his fucking gun BY HAND with school glue and rhinestones, not even paying attention to the meeting, despite being the one to get Vox all riled up about Alastor IN THE FIRST PLACE.
In short: Val encourages Vox to fight Alastor without thinking it through, doesn't bother to help out during the actual fight, and then immediately stops caring the moment the fights over. Meanwhile Ozzie, while encouraging Fizz to pick on Blitzø, backs him up the whole time, and while still supportive of his boyfriend, doesn't actively encourage Fizz to do things that would get him hurt. Ozzie also supports Fizz by refusing to let Blitzø have an Asmodean crystal because he knows Fizz wouldn't like it! Which is the exact opposite of pissing your partner off on purpose so you can watch a fight!!! And if that isn't enough evidence for you, then uh. I guess you could compare how Val treats... just everybody around him, really, with how Ozzie does(but that's more individual character analysis than relationship analysis). Or you could talk about how fed up with Val's shit Vox clearly is in comparison to the mutual support of Fizzmodeus. Or how. Val throws a glass at Vox. And breaks his phone. And then Vox has to scream in his face to get him to listen-
Idk how to end this so uh. DEMON ATTACK RAH!!! 👹👹👹👹👹👹👹👹👹👹👹👹👹👹👹👹👹👹👹👹👹👹👹👹👹👹👹👹👹👹👹👹👹👹👹👹👹👹👹👹👹👹👹👹👹👹
#hazbin hotel#helluva boss#hazbin vox#hazbin valentino#staticmoth#fizzarolli#helluva asmodeus#helluva ozzie#fizzmodeus#fizzerozzie#late night ramblings#gal overanalyzes random shit
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sakura speaks , and the great phantom thief himself can only chuckle and sneer --- grinning to himself well-humored amidst his high-seated knowledge of obsession , and the disastrous lengths that some would always go to prove their so-called loves despite the way their feelings might not have been ever properly returned to them .
' you have noooo idea , ' is all that he happily coos --- suddenly nostalgic for every holiday wherein azumano seemed to be utterly dominated by his presence in left-out shrines and letters to decoration and costume , like on halloween . ' you could be rich already , you know ? not that i've been paying any attention , but if i really have been shedding a lot , then that's all the better for you . '
after all , if the entirety of the province could be enthusiastically willing to impersonate him for a day , then why wouldn't anyone , be they from japan or even out of the country , spend an entire king's fortune on as much as a single legitimate feather ? someone with a better sense of sales could have been entrusted with it . the likes of nirei , if only in serving as a sort of simultaneous secretary , thesaurus , encyclopedia , and delinquent accountant to sakura herself , would have had ended up with quite the thrill in setting up the feather for auction .
yet here was sakura fussing over their care and little , if not nothing else .
' ... hmm . ' his arms remain in their dour cross , and his head only tilts at her at first . ' you're not being very clear . are you sure you're not the one trying to tell me something without telling me ? '
he's careful to study and watch her for any sort of reaction , positive that such a direct pierce might produce something . ' if you wanted to touch them , you could have just said so , you know . ' because he trusted her enough already without the need for her to profess ; had she hoped to ever hurt and hunt him then surely he'd have woken up to a wound or ripped wing by now , night after night that he had arrived and slept now beyond ample opportunity .
' otherwise , you're just a little too late . ' he hums here , lifting his gaze off of her in order to lift the haughty peak of his nose upwards , even higher alongside the ever-proud curl of his smirk . ' my coat's fresh . wait a few months , ' or don't , he thinks , surprised by the way that he's almost said something that he shouldn't have , confessing to every niwa member that should have tended him like birds of a flock . still , the verbal stagger's imperceptible --- after nothing more than an epiphany's winded pause , he finishes his lull as effortlessly as always . ' --- and they'll be brand new again . '
no way in hell he'd let sakura see him molting and miserable , after all . even daisuke , in the brief shame and intense discomfort of the season , would surely have preferred to close himself up and away into the mansion rather than approach sakura ragged and desperate for some sort of preening relief . anything to keep them both from being laughed at while at their most sensitive and vulnerable .
' as for a pillow , why shouldn't i complain ? ' any prior loftiness in his voice immediately hardens with a dissatisfied gripe and whine . ' i can't even use you as one . your stomach's too tough , and so's even your butt . ' seriously , for shame ! ' i don't know how you don't wake up with a headache every morning . even if you're not someone who cares for luxury , isn't something like a pillow just a necessity ? '
“Who the hell would pay for these?”
She’s heard all about the merch that apparently gets made for him all over the world, but surely nobody was such a fanatic for this stupid idiot thief that they’d pay real, actual money for his feathers, right? The idea, both of sellin’em and of makin’em into somethin’, is honestly kinda disturbing to her—He ain’t a fuckin’ collector’s item.
“They’re just a bitch to keep pickin’ up.” She continues on, though the snap holds very little bite to it (well, less than what her ears are used to); to be honest, she’s only pointin’ any of this out because she’s been thinkin’...
“If you need help takin’ care of’em or whatever, you should just say so.”
She means, on a whole, his wings in their entirety; she hasn’t missed how he hasn’t really spread them out inside her place. She hasn’t even really seen the true span of’em all that often as it is—a time or two when they were outside and he’d relax’em, another few times she’s seen him just before he’d fly into or fly outta her window—but they have come out enough when they’re just here. At first, she hadn’t really known what to think of it (when it comes to the amount of people with wings that she knows, Dark is the only one), but over time and after a number of picked up feathers, she’s come to suspect that it may hurt a little to keep them so... Hm, would ‘cooped up all the time’ be the phrase??
At any rate.
“‘c—‘course,” she stammers, as she realizes how she sounds, “if ya don’t need or want any, then don’t let me get in your way. ‘m just sayin’, if ya do, or somethin’...”
How much of him is a bird compared to how much of him is bird-like is still somethin’ Haruka’s trying to figure out, but birds tended to molt their wings after awhile, right? And could him having to keep them so closed up be makin’em drop feathers faster? As much as she can’t really change the state of her place—it just came like this!!—she’d really hate if Dark was uncomfortable here in any way was avoidin’ it all just because he couldn’t do it alone.
“I wouldn’t hurt ya or nothin’.” Intentionally; I ain’t stupid enough to think an accident won’t happen. “I just—there’s been a lotta’em recently, so I figured it was somethin’ you might need help with.”
With the harder portion of this topic outta the way, Haruka’s expression clears a little—just for a moment, anyway—before it pinches just so.
Shouldn’t you, though? Care about’em, at least. That’s the question she wants to ask’im—she won’t, though, because she doesn’t know how to convey what she really wants to say right. To her, they’re worthy of care even as dropped items, if only because just abandoning them to the trash or to be forgotten about in some pillow or household cleaning item is sad as all shit.
(The first feather of his that she ever got, the one from their one-and-only failed sleepover, is still hidden away in the left pocket of her Bofurin uniform pants—the very pants she happens to be wearing right now, since she just got back from a night patrol. Important to her not just because of that night, but because it was a feather from him and a reminder that he wasn’t gonna be gone for good, as much as she tried to convince herself otherwise.
As it stands, though...)
“...I bet you’re just tryin’ to tell me without tellin’ me that you want a pillow on the futon again, though.” Is what she ends up sayin’ out loud, followed by a pointed hmph, because it’s a topic he has harped on in the past. “I told ya to quit whinin’ about it.”
#*・゚⊰ IC. ⊱#CANON.#cherriedrage#QUEUE.#couldn't be him 😤 he produces those feathers at a rate of 'A WHOLE LOT' EVERY FEW MONTHS-#damn i feel like im eating my own foot OHRUHFJKJ i can't remember if i said exactly that sakura'd get to help with his/dai's molting#i know i brought it up. one time. that one time.#but he's just decided it's a him problem and not her---#not 'because i'm afraid you'll hurt me' but 'if you laugh because of how pathetic and scraggly i look im going to jump out the window n die#land facefirst bc his feathers aren't in 😭😭😭#aowiejaojlgkfj ANYWAYS. CALLS HER OUT. he can jump into your arms anytime. he's just too tall-#i get emo when ppl get sentimental over dark's feathers too because like... his wings are definitely the most precious part of Him#but his own opinion over his own feathers is just like. yeah they're trash. so this whole convo is making me laugh#bc sakura's talking like they're trash when she's the one hoarding them sentimentally. and dark's the one#talking like they're important at least as paraphernalia to sell while he thinks they're trash#insane to me#sorry about him for that last part too. pov sakura sets up a cat cam and it's just dark fussing around in different positions#3am and he's turning parallel. perpendicular. head on the side of sakura's waist. head on sakura's stomach. head on sakura's ass#cons of having a delinquent friend: too much muscle. zero fat body build. no pillows just the world's toughest muscle mattress /j#oiawjoajlkgklgjgkj
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i REALLY didn't want to interact with the fandom yet bc I wanna play Pristine Cut 100% spoiler free but I got the Happily Ever After chapter 3 and I'm going insane over it.
It's just. The amount of parallels between Echo and Smitten on that route as well as the depth that it adds to both of them are driving me NUTS
So first of all, can we all agree that they basically did the same thing? Even though they have previously only opposed each other, they ended up doing the exact same thing for pretty much the same reason.
Echo created the construct to keep the universe from facing oblivion/save it (In his eyes). Smitten created his own construct (Bc that's literally what that cabin was!! A construct!!!) to keep the Princess safe and happy (In his eyes).
They both sacrificed themselves to create the construct, leaving behind only a nearly powerless echo of who they once were. This echo is really only capable of achieving their goals in a very limited way (The Narrator by moving stuff in his favor through perception, Smitten by keeping both you and the Princess seated as well as bring her what he thinks would please her).
They both try to force their beliefs of what would be better for everyone else unto them without even considering if that's what they really want. (Narrator through the "good ending" and Smitten through his "happy ending").
It's just. The way they keep telling the person that they are happy even though they obviously aren't!!!
Going back to those names as well. They are definitely meant to be parallels. "Good ending"? "Happy ending"? They are pretty much synonyms.
Also, the way the sacrifice is done. We don't know much about Echo but the scene with Smitten right before the epilogue starts I think gives us a lot of insight of how it might've worked:
Smitten ripped himself out of TLQ's body and poured out into the outside world, forcing his will over the Princess and probably aldo channeling her power to get what he wanted. I think that gives us a good idea of what Echo could've done. Both Damsel and the Sleeping Mound are malleable.
And uh, end of rant.
I have no idea if any of that is coherent, I'm pouring out words as they come out.
I love this game with all my heart, I can't wait to continue playing it and discover more routes.
#stp#slay the princess#stp narrator#stp smitten#stp happy ending#stp happily ever after#Also could we call this version of Smitten “Echo! Smitten”?#Or would that be too confusing#No spoilers pls I'm still not done with the game#Ramble
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OKAY BUT LISTEN. LISTEN. I WANNA BREAK DOWN SOME OF THE PANELS FROM THIS SCENE CAUSE UH. This is like a powerpoint of the audience realizing the Sheep are not Chuuya's friends.
First off, baby? Baby. Also Chuuya's body language in the art is so, like, embarassed/self-conscious teen, except instead of the problem being hanging out with the wrong people in high school its...Mafia-level stakes. Anyway, Chuuya curling up while hiding from his "friends" immediately gives you a sense he is not the one in control.
Dazai-like expression who? Chuuya is putting on a mask so eerily similar...it gives us some great parallels.
Chuuya unnecessarily apologizing to Shirase? Yeah. Straight from the book.
Insane over Shirase's solid B+ gaslighting. I don't remember if these lines are from the book, but Shirase implying Chuuya's the one "acting like a tyrant" when he literally didn't do anything?? Except ask politely for favors? Throughout the whole conversation he's been the polar opposite. But hey, maybe Shirase's just projecting.
Haha, "somehow".
Nothing to add here except Shirase's body language in this is SO much better than the anime. In the anime he just acted mad and kinda hot-headed. Here he's smiling, acting friendly, giving off those "ofc I'm on your side Chuuya but you make it so hard for these made-up reasons" vibes. Shirase is opportunistic, manipulative, he believes he has control over Chuuya, and therefore his ability.
Of course, Dazai can tell immediately what Shirase is doing. That Shirase has more power over Chuuya than Chuuya does over any of the Sheep (which is once again reinforced by the body language. Shirase's arm over Chuuya's shoulders, swamping him. Being physically taller than Chuuya. Chuuya just kind of standing there, passively.
Also despite what Shirase seems to believe, he and the other Sheep are not one bit smarter than Chuuya. They're eagerly celebrating their victory when Chuuya can clearly tell this is some sort of plan on Dazai's part.
Dazai destroying any leverage they had over Chuuya and yet knowing there's some reason Chuuya is doing this anyway. Offering him a choice.
As I've said before (and it's more obvious than ever in the manga) Shirase's using it to gain Mafia territory by getting some of their members captured. I've stated this before, and we do get a confirmation:
The "self defense rule" is something Chuuya explicitly created. To not strike unless provoked. I have a lot of thoughts on this and why but that's not for this post.
And we have!! Dazai getting pissed off on Chuuya's behalf!! He's scary.
(Spoiler alert: they are not his friends.)
Ahhhh
Ahhhhhhhh
Guys I love this chapter. Because on one hand, Shirase, like the rest of the Sheep, have very legitimate fears. They're literally a bunch of kids that used to be preyed on by other organizations, and if Chuuya is not guaranteed to protect them, then...well...they're in horrible danger, really.
The problem is that Chuuya is ready to protect them. But they don't trust him, and it seems they never have. The whole thing is built on Shirase (and probably the others) holding some kind of emotional and social power over Chuuya, therefore guaranteeing their safety. But when that's not longer the case, well, they don't trust Chuuya to protect them. I'm curious how the manga is going to adapt Dazai's whole "meat" story later on because the issue isn't a selfish conflict of interest. The issue is trust, and the lack of it between Chuuya and the rest of the Sheep.
It's like the Sheep built their gang on high school clique rules, and didn't realize Chuuya's not just operating out of a sense of obligation and need to belong, but genuine care. Anyway, that's all I have to say. The art is beautiful.
#bsd#bungou stray dogs#nakahara chuuya#dazai osamu#soukoku#fifteen manga#fifteen light novel#shirase
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been meaning to post my designs for these little guys forever. insane splatoon rambling under cut to explain design choices and lore related things ... read my autism boy
btw this is a repost from our art side blog this was written and drawn like months ago <- minorly rewrote some things tho
thx splatoon users drfreeman & drcoolatta for fueling my splatvrai autism brainrot ... i hate u /J
GORDON
idk how to explain this but Theoretical Physicist is inkling coded . maybe its cuz splatoon species social hierarchy
Native ink color is Orange, but he has Dark Brown tentacle roots.
Uses custom weapons to attach in place of his prosthetic; It works best with Splatlings but can be adjusted to attach other weapons.
If the thing above didn't make it obvious, he's a Splatling main. He switches out depending on his mood though.
sighhhhh technically an Agent... stares at the ceiling...Main character...
His arm loss is like pretty much the same as in-canon but it's with the octarian army shrugs. don't ask me why he doesn't just regenerate it cuz hes a squid thats for me to know and you to find out. (get partially sanitized loser)
Born & Raised in Inkopolis pre-splashtags; He wasn't informed of the switch to Splashtags being expected when participating in most activities around Inkadia.
TOMMY
I forgot why i made him an inkling why did i do that. I think it was bc i didnt wanna make them all octolings but i was wrong srry we all make mistakes /hj I ALREADY REDREW HIM ONCE IM NTO DOING IT AGAINNN
Native ink color is orange-brown.
His hat has an eye guard for sensory reasons; He covers up as much of his skin as possible because he doesn't like the feeling of foreign ink on him.
He isn't a specific weapon main, he just uses any long-range weapon to minimize the possibility of getting ink on himself. If he has enough guarding, he prefers to use N-ZAP '89.
Makes his own gear for sensory reasons as well :) It's legal when ur dad's the G-Man.
Exclusively plays in Turf Wars, Anarchy Battles, etc with friends. He hates playing with people he doesn't know.
Born in Splatsville !! He feels like a Splatsville resident. His occupation is resident I cannot imagine him doing Anything
His dad is that creepy curtain in one of flounder heights windows /j
BENR(E)Y
Octoling bc I wanted him to be sanitized :) Other than the visual part of being sanitized, I thought him being clinically dead fits /hj also lore reasons below
Pre-sanitization, his native ink color was blue.
Great Turf War veteran; He didn't do anything in the war itself, he was just enlisted lol. He was primarily security for the Octarian Domes in the years after the war. Yes, that also means he is over 100 years old.
"Raised" (debatably) in Octo Canyon.
E-liter main (4-star Base + 5-star Scope) and avid squidbagger. He also uses any heavyweight weapons (dynamo, tenta, etc)
Absolutely hates working at Grizzco, he only does Turf Wars and Anarchy Battles. He only works at Grizzco during Big Runs. The type of guy that does X battles.
Professional Anarchy / Ranked / X Battler btw. That's literally 90% of what he does.
Got on Gordon's azz over him not having a Splashtag; i wonder what that parallels.
BUBBY
Genuinely don't have a lot to say about his design. He gives off Splatoon 2 Octoling vibes (showoff /hj) also i wanted to make his hair wispy like it should be.
Native ink color is a light blue-gray gradient.
The drawing doesn't give it credit but I swear those are glasses not goggles .. they're opaque-colored slanted oval glasses !! ^_^ u can interpret them as spiked or just eyelashes, both are right.
oh also the text under bubby says "Is Best" in some splatoon font we downloaded awhile ago . i think it was ripped from splatnet
Blaster main. I don't know how to explain this one but it feels right.
helps with the practical Map props (ie ink rails) and with some weapon gear manufacturing ^_^ tech guy
COOMER
Was going to make him an Octoling for the convenience of making his hair curly but i didn't want to make all of them octolings + i think his personality generally fits Inklings more.
Native ink color is an off white gradient.
Slosher main cuz he likes moving his arms. this makes sense to me. Also is a fan of Splatlings and other Shooters.
i felt ill trying to design coomer without making his eyes two lines with eyelids
War Veteran...Stole some octarian tech and got fucked up super limbs. Cyber Inkling stealing from octos !! [inkadia crowd goes wild] /j
anyways outside of the war™ he's a data researcher. just generally. he does shit with splatfests and eggstra work.
If you splashed him with ink he would stand unmoving. He would not shake it off.
DARNOLD
Ok i'll be honest the Octoling choice is primarily bc Octolings have the afro style & inklings have no textured hair styles (i didnt have the energy to design smth that could work) . His personality fits octoling too though :3
Native ink color is red-orange.
The fucked up guy that makes those drink effects people never use ( i use them ... )
He doesn't participate in Turf Wars or Anarchy Battles, but he works some gigs at Grizzco for extra cash every once in awhile !
the type of guy that goes after flyfish cuz no one else will . god bles !!!
not a lot to say about his design & his place in inkadia , it kinda speak for itself . he just wants to get by and make his drinks in peace . #autism ... he is pretty much exactly the same as his canon self
#my art#hlvrai#half life vr ai#half life but the ai is self aware#i dont usually tag things this hard but ur GOING 2 read my autism /j#benry#benrey#gordon hlvrai#gordon feetman#hlvrai benrey#hlvrai gordon#hlvrai tommy#hlvrai fanart#dr coomer#hlvrai coomer#hlvrai benry#hlvrai bubby#dr bubby#hlvrai darnold#darnold pepper#<- I FUCKIN FORGOT DARNOLDS TAGS
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Izuku and Katsuki Hospital Comic - Thoughts and Process
I wanted to talk about the process and my thoughts while making this comic! Cause it was A Lot of planning and I feel like talking about how I went about it could maybe be helpful for other people who wanna make comics too ?
Also I just like talking and I've had So Many thoughts about it over the last few months, I just need to get them all out lol
everything is under the cut (it's Very Long) ↓↓↓
Initial Thoughts
I started planning the comic in January, around the time the chapter with the second user's plan to transfer ofa to shigaraki came out. I remember feeling so anxious and sad seeing how devastated Deku was to lose the 'gift' that All Might had passed to him :'((
It made me start thinking about what it would be like to not only go from having all this insane power at your fingertips back to nothing, but also how it would feel to lose the vestiges, which had been his advisers, yapping in his ear and keeping him company for months. How it would feel to go from constantly having people looking over your shoulder back to silence.
Then I thought about what that would mean for his and Bakugou's relationship, which has developed so much over the series. How Bakugou would feel about Deku no longer having ofa, how the two of them would wrestle with old feelings now that Deku would be quirkless again. Bakugou having to face the kid he bullied and Deku going back to a state where the world saw him as "useless" with dreams too big for somebody without a quirk.
I feel like sometimes it's not really taken into account how Deku's past affects him in the present, and that goes for in the actual series as well. Considering he's the main character, it's funny that we never really get too much of a peak inside his mind lol, especially not recently, which is most likely intentional, but I digress.
What I really wanted to do for this comic was circle back to Deku's question to All Might at the start of the series, "can I become a hero without a quirk" because while yes, deku can be a hero, he had to get a quirk to do so. So what happens now that he no longer has it? After all of Bakugou and Deku's development, would Bakugou's opinion on deku pursuing his dreams while quirkless change?
I really didn't want that answer to be no. I didn't want to believe that Deku would have to give up and "be realistic" again, it just didn't feel right for that to be the answer after 400 chapters.
So I wanted to make something that would encapsulate those thoughts! And I felt like the best way to fully get that out was through a scene in the aftermath of the battle, the two of them in the hospital with nothing to do but talk about their feelings.
It was important to me that the doubts they both felt about the future were stomped out, and for there to be reassurance that things between them wouldn't snap back to how it was before UA. That Deku could still reach his dreams even if they did become harder to obtain.
I also felt like narratively it would be a good parallel if Bakugou were to lose something tied to his power too, and with his arm being so bad off in canon, I thought it made sense that there was a chance he could lose it forever.
So it's like they're both coming out of the final battle worse off with huge losses, but no matter what, they're going to fight to achieve their dreams, and they're going to do it side by side :')
At its core, it’s very self indulgent lmao, I didn’t think that we’d get something that sappy and gross in canon (😳) so I wanted to make something for myself :')
Planning
So then I made a first draft!
When I’m making bigger comics, thumbnails are super helpful! They help me see the full picture of what it could look like, and let me change things without putting in too much commitment. So most of the drawings are loose, but occasionally I’ll put in a little extra detail into things that I want to make sure are included in the final work.
There’s three main things I consider when thumbnailing for comics; expression, composition, and dialogue. Each of these things have a huge influence on each other, so keeping them all in mind when roughing out your drawings is important!
How it usually works is I play out the scene in my head like a movie and roughly come up with dialogue, then I draw characters and expressions based on that dialogue and the visions I had. Simultaneously I plan out approximately where those drawings will go/how much space they'll take up and finally, I add in the dialogue and move things around as needed so everything fits nice together.
Having the dialogue there in the draft lets me know around how big the speech bubbles are gonna be which is a massive help when figuring out paneling. It lets me plan around the bubbles and make sure nothing is too squished!
General tips:
Something I learnt from storyboarding is that establishing a setting for your scene at the start is really important! Most of my comics will start with a long shot or include one early on for this reason. It’s good for making sure readers aren’t confused on where everything is taking place!
Having a variety of shots is good for keeping your story engaging! This comic has a lot of closeups, but I tried to add variety where I could and used a lot of different angles to keep things entertaining even if there isn't that much going on
Final thoughts on this draft:
At this stage, the ending was really different from the final version I ended up with. It was a lot more focused on Bakugou's losses too and the vibe was kinda "well we're both nerfed now but that's chill we can still be heroes." I axed most of that cause I thought it was dumb and wasn’t really the conclusion I wanted lol
After the rough draft, I started sketching everything out and adding in panels based on the composition from the og thumbnails. I also changed the dialogue as I went, focusing on making it sound more natural and easy to read.
This is where the nuances in movement and expression became a bit more refined and speech bubbles where better planned out.
At this stage, establishing clarity and imagining how readers are going to move their eye along the page is really important. Comics are generally read left to right, but you can’t just assume people are going to automatically read it in the order you want, which is why panels and speech bubble locations are so important.
Tips:
A general rule is that along with going from left to right, speech bubbles should be in descending order. This can be broken a bit, but it’s important to remember that the rule is there in the first place for clarity's sake. So if you do plan on breaking it, make sure it's not at the sacrifice of legibility. The human eye is lazy and will jump to whatever seems most logical, so planning things out in a confusing manner is going to make your comic hard to read!
This is another thing I picked up from storyboarding, but keeping in mind the 180° rule is good for clarity as well! In the simplest of terms, if you have two characters in a scene, it’s good to keep character A on one side and character B on the other, and not switch those sides willy-nilly, otherwise it can get confusing. This isn't as important in comics as it is in film/television, but I still like keeping it in mind.
Final thoughts:
I hated the original ending but I couldn't exactly figure out how I wanted it to go, and I was too busy at that point to dedicate the time I needed towards it, so it stayed as these four panels for while :’)
During the period I stopped working on it, Deku lost his arms which had me panicking lmao, so much of the comic was devoted to his emotions and body language, specifically in his hands. I just went "am I gonna have to redo everything? Do I give him prosthetics?" and I was fully ready to rework the entire thing but Eri came in clutch for Deku (and me) <3
After Deku started getting hurt, I didn't really like the idea of him being discharged and sitting with a still injured Katsuki, and wanted it to be clear that they were both still in the hospital, so I had to axe poor Deku's "hospital gown" shirt for actual hospital garb </3
At some point during april-ish, I finally added in a new beginning and end, which took the comic from four pages to seven. I felt like the new parts added a lot more levity and humour which were needed, and I think it helped make Izuku and Katsuki feel closer than before.
For these pages, I skipped the thumbnail stage and jumped straight into full page stuff, which felt easier because they were kind of just add-ons.
Something I specifically liked were the first two panels in the last page. Fun fact, but a few days after I sketched those out, horikoshi released that art of to two of them smiling together and I went !! That's the vibe I wanted !! Me and Horikoshi are on the same wavelength! That was a good day lmao.
At this point, though, while new parts added a lot more to the story and brought it closer to the vibe I wanted, they also messed with the tone and overall pacing and it ended up feeling really off. Deku was now doing this weird 180 from being super sad and upset to then immediately joking around and goofing off with no acknowledgement of anything Katsuki was saying, which had been fine enough when it was just 4 panels, but very off-putting once I made the comic longer
...So I decided to add even more panels :')
I went back to my original ideas, and part of what I wanted to get across originally was the doubts about Izuku's future from here on out, and the worry that things would go back to how they were before he got ofa. I realized those initial things which had fueled the comic were no longer really part of it, and I wanted to change that.
When I thought up the idea of visuals surrounding their middle school selves, I felt so smart LMAO. I think it ended up being the thing that brought the entire comic together.
Izuku reverting back to that anxious, unconfident state, spiralling into himself, and mumbling out all his insecurities, including his fears about losing Katsuki's friendship (and yet still somehow more worried about Katsuki's feelings than his own). And in turn, Katsuki remembering and seeing Izuku as that kid again, and his own fears of becoming a bully once more.
It better explored what I wanted to originally get across and delved more into their feelings, so that the jokes and levity at the end felt like they were earned, rather than being a rapid shift in tone.
(The only other thing that changed was the some of the panels in the first page. I changed up the speech bubbles and got rid of a panel so it would be less cramped and easier to read.)
At this point, I was still having trouble figuring out how to tie everything in and segway pages 6-7 into the ending organically, so it sat like this for around a month.
Then chapter 423 released and the battle was over and I realized how little time I actually had to get the comic out. I knew that the next chapter could possibly make my entire comic obsolete, so I hauled ass :D
These were the final plans before I cleaned everything up! I changed around some of the panels to make the story flow better, I figured out how to tie everything in, and I finalized the dialogue!
At this point all the panelling was redone because I wanted more space in between them. Before, it felt really cramped and I think adding in more breathing room made it feel slightly less overwhelming for readers.
The biggest changes from the previous draft:
First, obviously, I finished the middle school stuff and figured out how to get from one part to the next. This was the hardest part of the planning, but I ended up deciding that Deku would spiral, Bakugou would kind of bring him out of that, they'd hug and then Bakugou would reassure him. I also included motifs relating to their childhood to be reminiscent of The Apology, and Katsuki's thoughts going back to them sharing the special All Might cards, them at the lake, etc. As if this was another healing moment for each part of them; their current selves, their MS selves, and their childhood selves too
I then changed some of the panels in the first page. I switched the direction of the diagonal line in the first few panels because I thought it made it more clear which way to start reading and made the comic flow better.
In the fourth page, I added a panel after Deku starts crying, because I felt like it worked better with the dialogue, and brought in more of Katsuki's POV into the story
The sixth page doesn't really look different, but there was a lot of resizing going on panel-wise. The bottom panel doesn't take up as much space and the panels up top are a little bigger
The final big change was the eighth page. I added in an extra panel and changed up a lot of expressions/dialogue so there was more of a natural transition between the heartfelt moments and the two goofing off
I then made some final changes and drawover notes before I started a week of cleanup and colouring!
Cleanup/Colouring Stage
Cleaning up my sketches usually just means duplicating the layer, putting the original layer at 5% opacity and.. cleaning it until it looks nice lol. It's the easiest way for me to work because I hate doing lineart.
This is what my sketch vs final usually looks like. The biggest change was adding in bandages into all the drawings lol.
For speech bubbles, I drew them all by hand, created a flat colour layer underneath in white, duplicated that and filled it in with black and shifted it with the transformation tool to make a drop shadow effect.
It took me two days to colour the whole thing :')
Usually when I colour, I work in a pretty painterly way, but I thought flats/cell shading would be a lot faster for this. I was right but it still took Very Long.
The smartest thing I did was put colour swatches of each colour I was using on a separate layer above everything else so I could easily use the eyedropper and get the right colour without having to reference them from another page. It was a big time saver!
I colour all on a single layer so I don't have progress photos to show, but for each drawing, I roughly added in all the colours in the approximate locations they'd be, and once I did that for every single panel, I went back and cleaned them up one by one.
And that's that! After colouring was done, I added my signature, posted it, and took the nap of the century.
Final, Final Thoughts
I worked... Very Hard to get the comic out before leaks night and even if it was just a few hours, I'm so glad I was able to do it cause when I saw the actual chapter I lost my mindddd
I feel like as the comic progressed, Katsuki's feelings took a backseat and if I was to redo it, I'd probably put a bit more emphasis on that than I did in the final version. I feel like his ~inner turmoil~ didn't fully come through the way I wanted it to. I didn't want it to be an immediate acceptance — I wanted the fact that he was struggling with his past to be evident too — but with the focus being so heavily on Izuku, Katsuki's inner thoughts get a bit lost which is too bad </3 Good thing is Horikoshi had the exact opposite idea as me, so it all worked out :D
I'm really proud of how the comic turned out, and I'm so happy to have gotten such a positive response to it! Thank you for reading if you got this far and thank you for reading my silly self-indulgent hospital comic :)
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right. So I'm kinda insane and found another song to talk about in some life series / evo context: Copycat. (Song will be linked at the end of the post!)
So, many people headcanon Jimmy and Grian being brothers- and it makes a lot of sense. They're both dirty brown haired, have dark brown eyes, are British, bird coded, have warring personalities, and actually are associated both with yellow, and then one other primary color- Grian taking red, and Jimmy taking blue. Even their main colorations show a kind of "parallel difference" between them, with recently, Grian being associated with red and purple, and Jimmy with blue and yellow.
Now. Recently Jimmy did some lore of him praying to the Watchers. And back in Evo, Grian was taken into the Watchers ranks- so there is some repeated or rhyming elements in their arcs. However, I raise you this- Jimmy is Grian's "replacement", or basically, a backup for if he defects from the Watchers. That's why he has such a deference to them- its hard coded into him. That's why he's acknowledged them so much recently, because Grian's slowly leaving, and they're beginning to get Jimmy to replace him.
For a long time, those two have had a sibling dyanmic- Grian, the older, stronger, and smarter brother, and Jimmy, the younger, weaker, stupider sibling. Grian basically torments Jimmy for his own amusement, and the Watchers let it happen- if Grian ever defected, they could simply feed Jimmy praise -you're better than Grian ever could have been, hes weak and you're incredibly strong, of course we will listen to you- and he would instantly be completely loyal to them.
The song has a few choice lyrics I'd like to point out:
"We get along just fine!" "I say everything you like to hear..." "It's funny how much I feel like I'm looking in a mirror!"
Say "Hello! What's up with you?" "I'm starting to talk like you do..."
"We've grown apart this time, I can't figure out the reason why." "It's funny how much I'd kinda like to see you cry."
"I've become what you like! I am what you wanted, right? Sacrificed all that I know, I have taught myself to let go!"
In any case, the main motif of the song is losing your identity- and that's exactly what's happening to Jimmy, memories of servers being scrubbed as the Watchers prepare him to take over Grian's position. The whole chorus is Jimmy giving in to the Watchers, and thinking about Grian in anger- he pushed him too far, yes, of course- the perfect way to get back at him, to team up with the eldritch gods Grian hates. Grian said he should be stronger- well now look at him! He's one of the strongest beings alive! He is now what his brother wanted him to be, perfectly made in his image.
Oh, and in case you need further convincing, look at how Grian's wings are usually portrayed. Scarlet macaw- red, blue, and yellow. Now look at Jimmy's wings- nearly always yellow, but in Wild Life, he's become a parrot. His wings are blue and yellow now. I bet he sometimes sees little red feathers and rips them out, desperate to distance himself from Grian- unfortunately, his brother.
Meanwhile, Grian doesn't know what's up with his little brother, and is desperately trying to get him back, to prevent him from making the same bad decisions he did- maybe even losing some of his Watcher powers as Jimmy's power begins to eclipse his own.
Link+ a lil more below the cut. This post is too long already. Whoops
youtube
Okay I can perfectly see in the "Copy that copy cat!" bit in the chorus, different sprites show up with every beat. The first four are of Grian (followed by a short animation of him saying the line) hitting poses, with maybe each sprite having a little refrence to a different season or series they have been in together. And then it swaps to Jimmy, facing towards him, hitting the same poses, with matching refrences. However by the end of the song, Jimmy takes charge, doing the poses first and surrounded by eyes- and Grian, trying (and failing) to match the poses and control the eyes, confused why he's lost his power.
Give my boy Jimmy the power. Grian has tormented him far too long.
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