#i get warm at work
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Ope, I have been tagged. Thank ye, @scrxpz. This is a new one for me.
i’m over 5'5 / i wear glasses or contacts / i have blonde hair / i often wear sweatshirts / i prefer loose clothing over tight clothes / i have one or two piercings / i have at least one tattoo / i have blue eyes / i have dyed or highlighted my hair / i have or have had braces / i have freckles / i paint my nails / i typically wear makeup / i don’t often smile / resting bitch face / i play sports / i play an instrument / i know more than one language / i can cook or bake / i like writing / i like to read / i can multitask / i’ve never dated anyone / i have a best friend i’ve known for over five years / i am an only child
Good golly, who do I tag? @chicagomoonlight ?
#at one point it was 5'5 point 5 inches#i have probably shrunk#Glasses!#do not like the idea of contacts#i get warm at work#which is also the reason for loose clothing#i ripped a pair of mens pants in the thigh#and women's have been rubbed through at the crotch#pair of ears pierced#i have fat lobes so only one pair#im still wearing a mask and i sweat at work#and my nails break at work#ehh#the smile stuff depends on the day#no time for sports#never got to do instruments living in apartments#i got through french 2#in hs#i like cooking and baking#i currently dont have an oven#obv on the writing and reading#i now have 6+ books waiting for me#apparently one cannot truly multitask#but i write while watching tv and have played games while doing the same#enough to match memories up with game play#don't wanna date the people in my county and i cant travel#also likely autistic#we dont meet in person a lot anymore but we still do the nicknames#i might have had a sibling if asshole didnt make mom miscarry#personal
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you know, you know. no gods, no masters, no kings on pedestals. everyone is fallible. death of the author. you know! you are balanced about your intake of media - you allow the wiggle room, the grace, the gratitude, the skepticism. nobody above criticism.
but still. a weird gut-punch feeling, something akin to betrayal. you read the article. surprise! an author you love is actually: a serial fucking predator.
well, shit. what now. no, you knew he was a person (all people are), but now you're wondering - what have i overlooked by accident? what messages have i internalized that are strange and cruel? and also, like, what the fuck?
his actions lay a thick glaze on top of everything. like each place is now ruined, opaque in a new way. but okay, fine, you've done this before. you knew better, right? you've been betrayed by many a cherished childhood author.
still, this stickiness. fuck. can you pick up that book again. will you read it to your children. you've recommended it to others - will you ever do that again? and of course, of course, no parasocial relationships. you were theoretically above this kind of sentiment. but the artist informs the art, right.
so it's not something as clear-cut as feeling he owed you, specifically (a stranger) better behavior - just that you kind of, in a distant and odd way... sort of trusted him to do better. it's not like a real trust or something speakable, just the faint hope that the product (good books) was a thin representation of the soul. now it feels like the product (good? books?) was a mask. in some small or insignificant way, your previous support of this person lent them power. your money and your time and your laughter.
and the thing is - you have this terrible, echoing sensation. how many times will this happen? over and over. you find out that the singer you love is actually a predator. you learn over drinks that your favorite high school english teacher is in jail for what he did to her. you listen to the news idly and suddenly discover that a woman you used to idolize has been abusing her kids for an actual eon.
what can you touch without the static melting off. you can't even really complain about it too much (you were supposed to know better, and besides, you don't want the same re-split "it's not your fault, love what you love" basic advice), but now it's here. somehow, it feels like - you let him into your life.
it's not that things need to be pure or an artist has to be like, endlessly perfect, mindful. demure. it's more just this terrible truth that has been replayed through your veins so often it feels criminally vain. power corrupts, absolute power corrupts absolutely. did you want any one person to be worth that power?
it's just that he wrote books where he seemed to understand that. he seemed to know about hierarchies and unfair systems and bigotry and privilege. you thought they were books about what it means to struggle. you thought they were about having power and still using it for good rather than for control. he spooned you a narrative of being a good guy, a kind soul. you fucking bought what that fucking monster sold.
maybe that's why they were fantasies, after all.
#spilled ink#warm up#oh im .... sick to my stomach.#i talked to him. like ....... we talked. that man interacted with my poetry and writing.#that article.... gutwrenching. i am so sorry to everyone he's ever even been in the room with.#i feel.... like... unbearably. sick.#he acted like he was cool and friends with me!! we were cool internet writers together!!!!!#i feel sick for even having been polite to him.#i ...... am experiencing something so fucking complicated.#i wonder how many of u are feeling that too. like ''oh i sent him an ask and he was funny and sweet''#THATS HOW THEY GET U. ..... and YES I KNOW!!!#i am so fucking well-read about parasocial relationships. it would just be nice to like. trust that someone ISNT#hiding a huge fucking background of BEING A COMPLETE MONSTER. LIKE WHAT THE FUCK.#by the way i am not part of a fandom. this is “what the fuck i accidentally supported a rapist” not#“but my showww”. like i care far more about like. the human cost.#but also like... people are people. idk i saw a take on here about how nobody should mourn the books#and idk. people almost always reply to any scenario with their personal experience first -#''i knew him'' or ''wow i was just at that store'' or ''i grew up there'' or whatever. because that is how we establish connection &#emotional weight. that's just... a person thing. and there is a difference between 'oh this guy is a monster'' & the feeling of:#he's been a monster and i SUPPORTED THAT. i CELEBRATED him. i !!! a fucking victim myself!!!!!!!!! SUPPORTED . HIM.#i am sick. i feel so much pain for her and everyone he's ever hurt. saying ''the books are ruined'' is i think ... like how people say#they're shocked and disgusted by him. (obviously there's nuance here. im sure there's some creep doin it wrong. but u know. in general)#idk..... im an author. i understand my work is in your life in whatever small way. i understand that connection. it's real.
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guess how much i love you?
#warm smile. look at me. look into my eyes. its so them. its so THEM they LOVE EACH OTHER SO MUCH#genuinely made my heart twinge working on this AUGHHH itd be so fun to draw some domestic shots of briar valley happenings#i want them in their house and doing yardwork and little memories and GRGAHAHAGH I WANT MUNDANITY#ITS WHAT GETS ME MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE!!! my favs of the series were the MOMENT shots. the NOTHING shots of LIFE#AUGAUAGHAH RIPPIGN MY HAIER OUT#twst#twisted wonderland#twst silver#lilia vanrouge#twstファンアート#suntails#in case someone doesn't know: this is a redraw of the children's book “Guess How Much I Love You” by sam mcbratney
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secret wars secret love you will ALWAYS be famous
bonus:
#xmen#xmen comics#cherik#charles xavier#erik lehnsherr#professor x#magneto#snap sketches#//draws eriks weird reindeer thing differently to make this pose work// vjELAKVJEALKJV#maybe ill stick to this but i kinda like the 'barricade' vibe of the other option but anyway#mom said its MY turn to reference the famous bridal carry panel#this was supposed to be a quick warm up but as i was lining things my hand started to tremble really bad#i dont know why ??????????????? thats never happened before and my hand's perfectly fine and normal now#like my hands tremble a little from time to time but nothing ever detrimental#the trembling i had today was ACTUALLY crazy bad. had me concerned but i was also able to still draw so not that bad ig#ANYWAYS. yeah <3 i wanted to reference tha panel we all love ......#i draw this mfer carrying his mfer so much i fear i cant be stopped. charles is a princess who needs to be princess carried#i usually draw it like. An Actual Block or whatever but its flatter ... so charles may rest his weary head ...#i did draw charles getting a handful. its what he deserves. its also what i deserve but i cant have that now can i#erik living my dream too tho ..... life is so unfair i wanna carry charles xavier and kiss his head this life SUCKS#slowly being able to feed my cherik fix again we're Semi back. once i finish my work for once THEN we'll be so fuckin back jWRKLJLAKF#ok thats all from me bye bye
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11:49, december 2, 2019
#you know that feeling when you get hit with a wave of nostalgia so extreme that it makes you physically nauseous haha. no?#this moment i think was perhaps the number one time in my life when i felt most at peace#i was walking home from the art studio after working on my thesis project for 12 straight hours#and the streets were empty and everything was so quiet#but i could still see the warm lights from people's homes reflecting off the fresh snow#it literally makes me cry just remembering it#simple joys#illustration#original art#artists on tumblr
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a what-if i've been thinking about for forever... trucy knowing the truth before anyone could tell her
#trucy wright#apollo justice#ace attorney#.png#ough ough ough how many times has she helped 'ruin' someone's life...#like what if when she was so desperate to help phoenix get acquitted she gets hit in the face with the realization that#she might just be ruining her new-found brother's life too#so yeah. how would she even bring that up#haha hey polly. remember that time i handed you fake evidence. well did you know i saw your bracelet and remembered my mom had one too. fun#by the way did you know she told me she had two and gave one to her first-born who she lost a long time ago#like do we know how much trucy remembers about their mom. no! that's why i think this could work#ough i've wanted to make this comic for so long but i never knew how to format it#well i drew the first panel as warm-up and then was like. why not go all the way....#that way i'd be forced to really think about composition
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Little pencil doodles of this post since @pigeonstab’s tags got me inspired again
And a bonus one
#UTDR#UTMV#My Art#Cross Sans#Killer Sans#Kross ship#Too lazy to get my tablet and open my art program so it's pencil scribbles tonight lads#I just love the image of them so comfy cosy in bed#All tucked in and snuggled up together#God I wish that were me#I don't wanna cuddle I get too warm for that I just wanna sleep and not get up for work#After the last picture is Cross flailing and tripping out of bed and running to get dressed#Sweating and panicking that he's gonna be in trouble for being late#Even tho there's nothing to do and Nightmare has probably not even noticed#This guy needs 50 straight hours of sleep to start unwinding#Anyway speaking of sleep goodniiiiight <3
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bring your kid to work day
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warming up
#i worked over this too much i kinda hate it now#anyways you get the idea: warm bath for cold vampire#go white boys go#bloodweave#bg3#gale of waterdeep#gale dekarios#astarion#astarion ancunin#bg3 fanart#bg3 astarion
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older designs for my specialest guy
#you actually could pay me to watch boruto the payment is reviving any of madara-obito-itachi in a cheap fan service moment. itd work on me 👍#neji hyuga#hyuga neji#art#fanart#naruto#2024#i think konoha would love to project the will of fire shit onto neji after what he did. ya know. trying to give your life 'for the village'#in that way hed probs have a lot of respect from others but respect has never been enough when your life still isnt yours 😛#the pessimism would likely take a bit to return to him but it Would return hes just like. less interpersonally volatile#the realization you had two whole very public meltdowns and no one that matters cared will do that to you#anywayfor the happy ending one. i think while neji is always going to be a little bit bitchy hes bound to soften up a lot when he's not#under constant stress and has to micromanage his every thought#i like to think that if he were allowed to hed grow into a very outwardly warm person. sunflower :)#and my general opinions of neji and boruto are:#1. yes it is a blessing to not be made to be straight married#2. however consider: what if i wanted to see neji be a dad. i dont care for romantic njten but i do not hate it. it would be acceptable#when i think abt this guy in boruto hes chronically single but still.talking about what CANON could be. it would be acceptable#3. yes hiashi shouldve gotten his ass killed in the war but i would be lying if i said the awful family reunions#are not fun as a concept#are they fun on purpose? no#but the rule is: A situation can suck if it sucks on purpose#and 4. i know about the time travel episode i have mixed feelings on it.#anyway no hate if you like boruto i like being hyperbolic for fun but its just anime. the kids seem cute#but if any other hyuga-brained person ever wants to get unimaginably angry you should also watch the hiashi birthday episode of boruto#thats my special recommendation from me to you
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it’s water off a duck’s back thursday friday. nothing can bother me on water off a duck’s back thursday friday
#it’s my friday it’s so warm & sunny i am going to go to work & be chronically chill. nothing is going to bother me#i will not get annoyed. 🙏🏻🌞#chatpost#i’m making up my own days for my own sanity#baby’s big post
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it was a really charming surprise to find out that the song ncuti and millie performed wasn't pre-recorded and that they literally just had to sing it on the fly while dancing around. most sequences like that would have just been lip-synced with the done up vocals being played in the background which always feels a bit inauthentic, but this just adds to the chaos of the scene and makes the stakes feel a bit more genuine, that ruby and the doctor are actually struggling to come up with this song to offer a proper distraction.
I know we talk a lot about how doctor who will always pick practical effects and costume over 'cgi-ed to a buggery', so I feel like this also deserved some acknowledgement
#doctor who#dw spoilers#dw bts#the church on ruby road#ncuti gatwa#millie gibson#ruby sunday#fourteen#doctor who unleashed#i also love that the goblin king was fully real and being controlled by like. five different people.#and that the goblins were all real and had just had cgi extentions for their expressions like the meep#just. prosthetics work and puppet work getting the recognitiion it deserves always warms my heart.#and yeah i'm sure they cleaned the singing in post a bit but the fact it was done in-scene is shockingly rare#also i was surprised ncuti said he had no background in singing because he killed it
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once again, I was possessed by a beast of some sort to make a sticker, this time of the rabbit variety! Get your own grown ass man who goes "Kuwaboo" here on redbubble!
#driftoodles#limbus company#matthew lcb#dead rabbits boss#bnuuy#ivw been drawing this guy for several days now i gotta stop#i wish i could lay on him he is big and i bet hes warm#i know i said id stop posting limbus here now that ive got the sideblog but. this is still my main art account so i gotta post shop stuff#just business!#anyways#im working on. getting a grasp on sticker production and print packing at home so hopefully i wont be with redbubble for much longer!#but ive currently got a bit of a nightmare going on outside of my social media presence thtats taking precedence so. yippie#i had this queued but fuck it ill get it out of the way now and queue it to the sideblog
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coloring experiments with some displeased españas 🍅 i always love digging beneath his optimism to find the negativity underneath thats Just as passionate -- its one of the most fascinating things about him to me
closeups under the cut
#hetalia world stars#hws spain#aph spain#i simultaneously Am him and need him carnally. and im not sure which ones more embarrassing#his anger and my anger are.... upsettingly similar and ive been very Angry with my job recently. so. ofc ive been thinking about him#country of passion in all emotions. and the sun isnt just warm and bright. it Burns.#anyway this is Kind of a little bit of a vent piece maybe idk#my art#'i need to rest my hand' i say and then i get so furious at work these all come out of my brain#i have never been so close to starting a physical fight with my coworkers lmaoooo.
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"so be sure to forgive him ASAP." (Killer accidentally hurting his SO)
What if you don't forgive him? What if he reaches for you dramatically while pretending to grovel and you flinch? If he notices you're tense and silent, not taking your eyes off him- normally he'd love that, but you aren't looking at him lovingly, or even with fond annoyance.
You're afraid, and it's directed at him.
Killer has an alarmingly one-track mind, when it comes to you. He will continue to pester you, every single spare moment he has, with the same big smile and silly energy and loving aura, as if nothing was wrong. It doesn't matter if you're laughing at his jokes or visibly pulling away from him in terror. He keeps going.
You're still scared? More stupid jokes. More apologies. More gifts. More nudging you with his elbow and saying "hey, watch this," before he does something that makes Dust or Horror regret waking up that morning. More smiling. More casually putting his elbow on your shoulder while he's talking to someone else. He will gnaw away at your fear response to him, piece by piece, until you're desensitised and you can start to love him again.
He's a deranged little persistence hunter, addicted to the way your smile fills the huge hole he carved out of himself. He will never let you go.
#llamagines#i can imagine that after a while if youre still not receptive to him the others might step in#killer's insane overzealous devotion actively makes the other bad sanses nervous for his mental state#killer is silly and harmless and funny - until he isnt#like... they'd work both in trying to get killer to calm down and in trying to get you to warm up to him again#axe and dust would do their best to talk him down from his neurotic //i NEED to make them like me or i'll die// moods to give you some room#and nightmare would talk to you to try and solve some of those ongoing fears#bad sanses
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have you ever drawn anti cosmo and anti wanda? I think they would look really cool in your art style
You just reminded to finish this drawing I started forever ago, I doodles them right as I started watching the show but never got around to coloring them
#not entirely happy with anti-wandas dress but Ive been fiddling with it for too long lol#Look if Anti-Cosmo gets a fancy outfit Anti-wanda should get one too#they are an important family they have appearances to keep up#He has to help dress her bcs all the layers make her confused hes so sweet and patient with her about it too#fop#fairly oddparents#anti cosmo#anti wanda#art#digtal art#fanart#coloring anti fairies is so hard Im not used to working with blues#I am a red and warm color enjoyer
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