#i get it but also rip
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decarabiandivorce · 2 years ago
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No duracell battery (VINE BOOM)
No hot singles (VINE BOOM)
No weed (VINE BOOM)
NO AI NO UTA (VINE BOOM) (VINE BOOM) (VINE BOOM)
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shrews-art · 2 months ago
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I'm a serious artist with serious art projects
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katsinspats · 3 months ago
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I think my copy of the game is broken they've been doing this for 30 minutes
Crop of the Biolizard edit I did bc it makes me laugh:
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aceofheartsstuff · 2 months ago
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That last scene in a nutshell (welcome back, Eddie Diaz!)
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pokimoko · 2 years ago
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I can't keep being fundamentally changed as a person by animated movies, it's just not sustainable.
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thatswhatsushesaid · 4 months ago
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jiang cheng says "son of a prostitute" within earshot of jin guangyao, 20 dead, 44 wounded
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egophiliac · 1 month ago
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I just realized it'll take the eng server almost a year to reach the 3D Cheka T pose model :' ) we're at book 7 part 6, and we get a new main story update every 2 to 3 months..
Anyway, do you wanna share some fun, spoiler-free shenanigans that happened in jp's server.? Just to have some crumbs to lick off the table until we get our own sandwich (my heart is empty and my soul is crying)
spoiler-free is pretty hard, especially considering. the, uhhh, particular turn that things take directly after 6. (like, the fact that the other characters are showing up probably counts on its own?) and I do think that if you can avoid getting spoiled, most of it is definitely better as a surprise! some of the genuinely best Twst moments are waiting for you. :D
if I may, however, present one of my favorite little throwaway bits with absolutely no context:
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idolomantises · 8 days ago
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I was gonna say I’m glad tumblr became a lot more of a civil website with less petty discourse but its also the website where people unironically call feminists terfs and tone police women who criticize men so you win some you lose some I guess lol
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real talk having the 2nd worst new years eve yet 🤢🤢🤢 (throat infection, twisted neck, banged-about-foot, ego AND the rest o' me all bruised like misjuggled peaches 🍑🍑🍑)
im bent outa shape and suspectin the universe owes me 8 buck if anyone wannsa chip in
#yes the 🍑🍑🍑was just an excuse to shove ass emojis in your face i'm only (occasionally. allegedly) human#now ask me about my FIRST worst new year eve. it involves wizards and portals and elaborate lies i make up on the spot#SAD REAL TALK <STARTS>:#also made the mistake of reaching out to my mom post-xmas#like what kind of c-ptsd NOOB does that. what kinda chronic holiday trauma survivor NOVICE??? embarrassing#THE SEDUCTIVE FALSE HOPE OF NOSTALGIA WILL LURE YOU IN EVERY TIME#'oh but maybe they won't disappoint me. but maybe they won't rip my heart out this time'#sweetheart that's your dear sweet inner child's yearning for what never was or will be. BEAT IT BACK WITH A STICK!#SAD REAL TALK <ENDS>#....back to that part where i talked about being bent out of shape#if anyone w/ metalwork skills wants ta take a blowtorch & hammer & tongs & have at... I'm open to experimentation is all im sayin#in lieu of that i would also welcome someone buying me a sandwich. i am. so sore.#(metaphysically sore but also the other more urgent im-at-my-daily-NSAIDs-limit kinda sore)#(hence: sanwimch)#...i got so sleepy writing this i started imagining the astonishing hedonism#of stroking a freshly grilled cheese-dripping sandwhich across my body like a loofah#the soothingness of the gooey warm near liquid cheese. the vaguely spongelike quality of toasted sourdough slice.#look i didn't imagine it on PURPOSE it just came to me like a vision like a threat#like one of those weird mens locker room ads where the sportsball is watermelon??? u know the one#where there's nudity & food & homoerotica & hot steaming showers in the background and STILL the overall effect is more offputting than sex#look i have a throat infection. i can barely swallow. i'm sipping chocolate milk to survive and i'm NOT EVEN ENJOYING IT. each drop is agon#(opposite side of the Tantalus spectrum but i'm suffering more than he has in 3.5 thousand years)#i'm dehydrated. barely conscious. electrolytes are circling down the drain. doctors should be incubating me w/ capri sun straws right now.#I GET A PASS ON THESE TAGS#i don't know what i wrote! and i don't stand by it! and you can't make me read em!!!
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winkle-pickers · 4 months ago
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Covenant
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shotmrmiller · 4 months ago
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in which johnny gifts the love of his life a sex toy outta nowhere
when you mumble into the phone that you miss him, johnny, he pauses for a second, then tells you he's going to bring you a gift back home. "to keep ye company, hen." after, he locks himself in a bathroom stall and watches you play with yourself until you both come.
but you'd thought he'd bring you a pet. a live animal that needs a cage to be brought across the world, not a long, slim unmarked box.
it's a sex toy. and it's rather large, at that. your hand wraps around the base, fingertips still a good inch apart.
"and i'm supposed to be using that?" his arms wrap around your waist, his thick stubble grazing the sensitive skin of your neck, raising goose flesh.
"don't like it? only had ye in mind, hen." he presses a wet kiss on your fluttering pulse. you've never really talked about toys in your relationship. you don't need them, of course, and johnny more than makes up for the time lost between you two whenever he's home but this?
"i don't know," you mumble. "a bullet would've made more sense, i think. at most a rose." his hands run up your sides, to the swell of your breasts and give you a gentle squeeze. he doesn't believe the tripe of people valuing size over all else, does he? the thing is easily as thick as your forearm and it's corded with veins. and it's uncut. whoever is making these are going to extreme lengths to make it as realistic as possible.
he bucks his hips, prominent bulge in his jeans coming to rest in the small of your back. of course he'd get excited. menace.
"ye willnae have t'use it alone now tha' i'm here. 'sides, i think ye'd look perfect with my pretty kitty stretched thin around it." johnny grabs your hips firmly, creating small divots as his grip tightens. "maybe i'll watch ye fuck yerself on it, hm? lap at yer clit while ye do." liquid heat pools in your belly, pulsing hot between your legs.
he really wants you to use it, given by his ragged breathing and he rutting himself against you. fine. "okay. just, not right now, yeah? i want only you in me." his eyes burn fluorescent as he nods, his large hand cradling your head as he pulls you in for a kiss.
you missed this. the sweet sting of his cock sliding home in your aching cunt, the sharp pinch below your navel when his tip comes to sit snugly against the plug of your womb. you've missed this. missed him.
maybe he'll forget all about that monstrosity sitting in the box.
-
he doesn't. he's bringing it up hours later, his spend still dripping warm on your thighs. johnny cannot be serious.
"course i am, hen." his fingers sweep at the hair stuck to your sweat-slick forehead. "is it a crime to want to see ye split open on some- something else?"
you think nothing of his stutter. "alright," you groan. if that's what he wants. it'll be interesting to see just how much you can take. you'll never tell him that your pussy clenched around nothing at the thought, his cum trickling out faster, pooling on the sheets.
-
it's not warm. the tip of it presses against your swollen entrance, cold in contrast to your heated flesh. johnny watches you swallow a gasp, your trembling hands reaching for his as you slide down an inch, two, three. johnny's cum is wonderful lube, but the searing burn- the size of toy is overwhelming, your walls being wrenched apart as you glide down further. johnny presses a prickly kiss on your cheek, cooing in your ear all the while his clever fingers draw gentle circles on your clit. "focus on breathin', bonnie. yer tensin' up."
desire begins to bubble beneath your skin, pleasure causing your muscles to warm and slacken, and after a long couple of minutes, you find yourself at the base.
but then johnny grabs your hips from behind and pulls- oh. "that's it." if you'd thought the toy had originally been in your stomach, it's now in your throat. "pretty as a peach, hen. jus' wha' i wanted to see." a shiver dances up your spine, notches trembling as you get used to the unforgiving stretch of the toy. his breath warms the side of your neck. "on yer go."
you come around it no less than three times, leaving it milky and johnny cleans it up with his mouth before he cleans you up.
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the girth of it is something you'll never get used to but it does get easier. when johnny goes back to work, he tells you that all he asks for are videos of you using it. for his collection, he greedily says.
you send him as many as you can, no matter the hours. just a quick nsfw text before getting his thumbs up and away it goes. it's incredibly fun. the relationship hadn't been dull by any means, but this just feels invigorating. you feel rejuvenated. that johnny is your biggest cheerleader while using it is such a bonus.
you oughta marry him. maybe you'll elope the next time he's home. but when the next time comes, johnny calls you instead of messaging you the usual be home soon text.
and it sends you reeling.
bonnie. the toy treat ye well while i was gone?
no better than you could me, but yeah. i'm still sore from using it in the last video i sent you.
that's great. if ye like the toy then ye'll love the real thing, i ken. we'll be there in 10.
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leahaart · 4 months ago
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Eeepy boys
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daftmooncretin · 10 months ago
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supernatural movie reboot but its a ghostfacers mockumentary about their attempt to make a “serious film” about sam and dean winchester. opens on ed and harry going “CUT!” and the camera pans to a guy that looks kind of like jared padalecki pulling off a party city wig. turns out the finale was actually part of the ghostfacer’s retelling of supernatural. Sam Dean and Castiel spend the entire movie chasing after ed and harry trying to stop the thing being made. (its a huge commercial success and they screen it at the destiel wedding)
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isjasz · 1 year ago
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[Day 96]
Together they become GUY!!
(Context: On the stream yesterday they were joking about just combining into one player for decked out LOL)
(And Hermittober: Day 1 Frost ❄️)
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nenoname · 26 days ago
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made a rough edit of the mystery shack family with their post series (but pre stan o war 2) looks!!!
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lazylittledragon · 1 year ago
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mentally i’m still here 🖤🖤
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