#i get frightened so easily
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i absolutely refuse to take stars warring as a series too seriously... and then i see people that do that and i get scared
#i get frightened so easily#i was so scared in 2015 especially#this doesnt mean people who like it or characters or a ship a lot#i saw someone that said 'pro-jedi dni' in their bio and like#what?#im so lost and i dont think i wanna be found#these were just sillygoofy space movies i used to watch when i was like 6 😭😭
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do skully have pokemon?
Pumpkaboo is the obvious one, but y'know, sometimes the obvious one is the right one! (we'll say SUPER SIZE Pumpkaboo, just for fun. big pumpkin for big skeleton boy.) and another person actually also suggested Greavard, which I somehow hadn't considered, but feels so perfect that I feel like I should have. dangit.
(they can also have little Nightmare Suit costumes :D)
#art#twisted wonderland#pokemon#poketwst#twisted wonderland spoilers#lost in the book with nightmare before christmas#hajimari no halloween#(sorry for leaving anon off for a while! i've gotten a rash of spam and i'm gonna wait it out a couple days before turning it back on)#also apologies for the rest of this not really being pokemon related#i don't have anything right now for part 4 of the event so i'm gonna use this space to go off about it#because. oh man.#a sad lack of the scullsman but a FEAST of everyone else#gotta love malleus and leona uniting in the common goal of hunting trey down for trying to game their whiny pettiness#(trey doesn't know what to do with someone he can't easily distract with cake)#also further confirmation that malleus WILL kill a small child and leona WILL point and laugh the whole time#also sebek's plans revolving around what he knows he's good at: screaming extremely loudly and hoisting nerds#and let us not forget what i consider to be the crowning jewel#which is jamil figuring out IMMEDIATELY where scully has taken his prisoners#only for everyone else to just. literally refuse to do anything about it.#jamil just standing there and going 'WE KNOW WHERE THEY ARE! WE CAN JUST! GO GET THEM!!!! WHYYY AREN'T WE GOING'#visibly losing his entire mind and it's beautiful#top 10 twst event moments honestly#also some delightful character consistency from jade being all#'actually my dicking around is a sign of my immense trust in your abilities to get things done :)'#'but also consider: there are currently two housewardens chasing a child'#'alternately angrily screaming poetry and begging them not to sue'#'and if you will pardon my city of flowers...there is no fucking way i'm missing that'#lock shock and barrel did not sign up for this. how did these idiots turn out to be somehow weirder than the three of them.#twisted wonderland must be a frightening place indeed
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looking at some takes on characters or relationships or scenes in which things happen between them and just thinking,
How in the hell are people interpreting it this way??? But then i step back and realize that the story or character in question is fundamentally and extraordinarily different from the average person's life experience and I go,
ah,
you guys just... don't have a deep enough understanding of trauma responses...
#mine#vagueblogging again i guess but this applies to many things#its honestly okay that the general public doesn't grasp the deeper layers at play because tbh theyre not often explored in media#to that degree at least#ive known someone with deep. Deep. DEEP traumas#shit that no human should ever go through and sounds almost cartoonishly evil#and the truth is#healing from that is UGLY. the impact it has on how a person interacts with their life is unimaginable#and it often makes NO SENSE AT ALL to someone who hasn't experienced the same shit#it's not as simple as 'i'm sad or scared and i cry easily but if youre nice to me and love me it'll go away'#in my own experience of loving someone like that#you sometimes have to work at helping them rewrite their entire philosophies.#things you wouldnt even think of#sometimes expressing sadness or pain is the hardest part about it because they're so used to turning the other cheek to survive#sometimes theyre so used to being manipulated that they reject any kindness you offer in the most viscerally violent way#and it hurts!#communication is HARD!#receiving love is HARD!#i was listening to Raon Lee's cover of Kokoronashi#and thinking about how raw the emotions are in the lyrics#and how so many average joes out there wouldn't be able to make any sense of it but those who do get it really get it#(essentially like... 'i wish you would just get it overwith and tear me apart#bc it would hurt less than the confusion i feel at how you're kind to me and holding me and promising to never let go...#at least i know how to handle the pain of dying#this is so confusing and frightening what youre doing to me. i hate it i hate it but please... don't leave me alone')#(its such a gorgeous song)#sHIT AND THEN 2 SECONDS LATER I FIND KOHANA LAM'S COVER OF IT AND IT'S SO MUCH MOR E#for the love of god look up that song and turn on lyrics captions
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that also being said I'm trying to gather a group of friends to go to a haunted house together in october and it's very funny to see which friends are all in and which ones are not about it
#[static]#i dont like getting scared but i LOVE getting scared with a group of people lmao#my husband *hates* being chased so he's out and our other friend who's super into spooky stuff hates being scared *and* chased#our friend who is the most easily frightened and hates horror movies is eagerly going but only if we all hold hands#and the rest of us are just excited to hang out so it'll be a blast
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overcoming anxiety (through practicing the things that scare you) is so interesting. i used to be horrified of taking up space or alerting other people of my presence. now i'm compelled to tell strangers i like their outfits or hair or earrings- on bad days i tell maybe a quarter of them. do i still overthink it? absolutely. but i call attention to myself to tell someone else my opinion. and with the way they tend to smile and tell me "thank you!" i'm pretty sure it's taken to heart.
i used to be horrified of making phone calls as well. this is one i'm still getting over- i just Don't Like Doing It. i used to have a phone call routine that i still joke about- realize i need to call someone, cry, avoid it for a few days, suck it up, write a script, memorize the script, cry again, final script read, make the call with the script in front of me. and i would be Exhausted by the end of it. i don't cry when i need to call people anymore. i'm even needing scripts less and less- i've found out that people actually won't kill me if i talk a little too fast or stumble on my words. i doubt i'll ever like making phone calls- i especially hate robots (i'm afraid they'll mishear me and direct me wrong or a person will suddenly show up and i won't be prepared)- but i can make them now.
i get overwhelmed really easy. just a thing that happens to me. my brain is really really good at taking one task and breaking it up into thousands of little tasks and it feels like i'm drowning. if i try to make it fewer larger tasks then it starts to feel insurmountable. i was completely lost on how to deal with this (other than avoid until you get that panic attack and can do work in the post-catharsis calm until 6:00 AM) until one night when my dad (who i often meet late at night due to overlapping mental illness symptoms) asked me how to eat an elephant. i looked at him, confused, and he said "one bite at a time." that was way more effective than any other analogy i've seen has been. "light at the end of a tunnel"- i don't feel like i'm moving forward, i feel like i'm scaling a wall. "steps on a trail"- i can see my destination, but it feels impossible to move forward. but eating an elephant? that sums it up perfectly. this huge task which seems impossible at a glance. but it must be done. so you eat the elephant, a bite at a time. every time i'm overwhelmed i repeat that phrase to myself. it hasn't made any major changes yet, but it keeps me calm enough to start before i hit the panic attack, which i'll take.
i was such a perfectionist growing up- i actually thought it was a good thing (school always taught me to strive for perfection). but it made me scared to try new things- if i wasn't immediately good at them, then it clearly wasn't for me. i'm still not great at starting new hobbies, but i try a lot of new things within the hobbies i already have. i test out different ways of making art, i try new puzzle games i don't understand, etc. and the feeling of steady improvement reminds me that i don't need to be good right away. some of the most satisfying moments don't come from immediately being good- they come from achieving that skill over time. i'd like to try to learn to sew soon.
idk it's interesting. i rewire my own brain's fear response by doing the Horrifying Thing enough times for me to understand that no i will not die. and while i'm doing it it feels like nothing is changing. i get so stressed every time- it can actually take a lot out of me (turns out fight-or-flight burns a lot of energy). but i look back at then vs. now and i realize how far i've come, and i can't help but think "huh. neat"
#marzi speaks#this post has no point. i am simply thinking out loud#i think understanding the root of where the anxiety comes from helps a lot too#like. my mom feels most secure when she's in control#she doesn't like situations in which she can't control how she responds or what happens when she does#it makes her feel helpless. and that's how her GAD affects her#it's also why her fear response is 'fight'- she stress-cleans and expresses authority because those are things she can control#it's a self-soothing technique#but for me it's different. i'm most at ease when i know where i am and what's going on#this could be for plenty of reasons. i'm bad at directions and time blind so i feel lost easily#i had to learn to do a lot of things by myself growing up because my brother needed a bit of extra attention#my parents used to sometimes forget to tell me about things- i wouldn't know we were going somewhere until they asked me if i was ready#or even just that i was always surrounded by so much information and i love learning with my whole heart#when i can't know what will happen next or why something's happening in the first place i get disoriented and frightened#i don't need to have a say in what will happen. i just need to know. then i can roll with the punches#this is why MY fear responses are flight and freeze#i self-isolate because i know environments like my room and my mind#other people are unpredictable. i know what i will do#i like puzzles because they're something i can learn and figure out. once i understand it's a matter of patterns#and they take my mind off of the unknown i'm worried about#my mom will engage in a lot of conflict behavior. i engage in a lot of avoidant behavior#yes this caused arguments growing up lmao. i'd be freaking out abt smth and she'd be confused as to why i wasn't just going and fixing it#or she'd be freaking out abt smth and i'd be confused as to why she didn't try to just get all the facts#but we're better communicators abt that now teehee#it's interesting though. we have the same illness (generalized anxiety disorder) and are similar in a lot of ways#but because our root fears are different our responses to them are different#this could also be learned#my mom grew up poor and didn't get to do a lot- she worked her ass off to have financial freedom#i grew up comfortable with every question i asked entertained by two very smart parents. when a question can't be answered i feel dissonant#it's probably a bit of both in some cyclical manner. still nifty to think about
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very weird to me that people react much more emotionally to taissa killing a dog vs shauna killing a bunny
#bunny looked so much like one i had as a kid. they're babies and are very nervous and easily frightened#anyway im just saying people getting rly freaked out by that.. weird and potentially racist#its literally the the murder and cannibalism show get over yourself. quick
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thinking again
#feel like i have become too complacent with watering myself down into an easily digestible identify for society#partially bc of my career is very conservative.. so#no piercings or tattoos. cut my long hair off to a mens hairstyle. i pass exclusively as a cis straight man as much as i can#especially around the old head bosses i meat#stopped learning japanese even though im mixed so i could learn French because its more useful where i live#i dont want to be useful and i dont want to be seen as some creature mimicking human anatomy like a robot i just want 2 be myself#but ive been doing this so long idk who myself would even be anymore#sometimes i get into old interests i had as a kid and i feel that spark like that 12 yr old didnt die on the inside but then its gone again#i wish a version of myself thats not palatable to my peers could exist#i want to relearn japanese and i want to ride motorcycles and i want to get into certain types of music or clothes#but it also feels like none of it really matters anymore at the same time#if i could be anything i would be a funeral director in nagoya but thats something that can never happen#i shove everything i like down so deep you have to reach to find it#this whole blog is an amalgamation of who i was and who i wished i could be#but being human we r just cursed with bodies that dont feel like our own and having to cut and shape them in a way#that u feel better but not enough so that the people around you are frightened#this is mostly the fact i have avoidant personality disorder and i know i can never be what normal is for most people#i want 2 be myself but myself died somewhere in a past life i think#i am not even human on the inside. half the time i joke w people that im an rpg slime or the human version of those sponge slimes#hence my nickname irl literally being gelo / jello / jelly#and if not that then black German shepherd dogs r also literally just me#but alas i am stuck in a human body#one thats too fat too hairy too sick too broken and i have to deal with it and rebuild myself everyday so people aren't uncomfortable#ANYWAY!!! maybe ill add onto this later ...idk.#to be born again.. sighs.
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Woke up in shambles because a dream made me realize I literally have no idea what I would do to keep my dog safe in the case of a Zombie apocalypse
#Q's dream diary#😭 Not funny I was so stressed about it. I could not keep her locked up in my house but I couldn't let her out either because she's small#And the zombies might hurt her or she might get pregnant and not find anywhere safe. And in the dream I couldn't take her with me because#-we were going to escape walking and carrying her (she is easily frightened) would put us at risk. I'm legit sad
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Can Not stop thinking about urianger being fucked up over visions of the world ending and the wol dying for a solid Bit after getting tossed to the crystarium. im going to eat a brick.
#hes already fucked up over the body count the scions are very rapidly amassing#and he views the wol as a close friend!! theyre very important to him#and uri too falls under the assumption that 'oh theyre the wol they cant possibly die theyve overcome so much'#he feels that with almost all of his friends but the most for the wol#so to be suddenly put in a moment of deep concern for the world then torn from your body and shown The Worst Possible Future-#not only is the world ending but you watch it end and you watch as the last bastion of your hope the person you assumed could and would neve#r truly die-- does die. undoubtedly and viscerally and in front of you#as you are once again (if you are not always!) powerless to help them because All You Can Do Is Ever Observe#i also imagine it was like the wols vision of the oracle. where they know theyre being watched#and they can turn to face uri right before they fall. :) and die :) and the world descends into the eigth calamity#the death of the worlds pillar and then the world itself as every constant is suddenly torn into jarring disarray#and uri lands in the crystarium and he is crying but doesnt understand why or how#(it is fear it is loss it is the terror of the inevitable)#he has been given the visions he always read about and now he feels personally the grandiose scope of prophecy and how heavily it weighs#and how he Has To get the words out right but how is he supposed to communicate exactly the weight of it!! how is he supposed to say all the#se things when he cant easily parse the impact of it all he cant figure out how to communicate the burning of it#and he understands a bit better that the prophecies he scoured over must have hurt and weighed and frightened and how#its not the same any more even the long gone ones#aaaaaAAAAAAAA#im going to EAT A BRICK#me chewing on gravel this elf loves his friends and the world and the wol so much and he cares but he doesnt KNOW HOW#I HAVE A LOT OF THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS AND THE FEELINGS ARE AAAAAAAAAAAURGH#I TOLD MYSELF I WAS GOING TO BE NORMAL ABOUT THIS BUT IM GOING TO EAT TWELVE BRICKS
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it’s been like ten years since i read it and im still not over the book i read that was like “he had never been completely naked in the last thirty years, not even for sex” like my guy that didn’t even break the top twenty questions i had
#dear Thomas Clancy: do you shower with your socks on?#also why was this a relevant point?#it was supposed to be like. a show of No Vulnerability#but frankly that’s kind of insane???#i really just can’t get around the fact that that one sentence creates a world where#either this man has one body part that is absolutely rank from never having been declothed#or he has some kind of regular rotation to decide what article of clothing he wears into the shower so he makes sure everything gets cleaned#I have considered baths of course#but it changes nothing about this scenario#besides the possible third option that he shoves his hands down his swim trunks and scrubs violently#but even BESIDES the utter ridiculousness of the statement#being afraid to ever be completely naked is like the most vulnerable thing i can think of#you are like a little deer; beautiful yet easily frightened#like was the author aware of just how much that signposted this character as having self-image problems?#absolutely not but in a way that merely reflected his own self-image problems
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i have tried for years to get into x reader fics but every time i run into the same problem of being wayy too quirky and unique for any of the self-inserts to act anything like me 😔
#they’re always so annoying#i get it has to be sort of generic but like they don’t have to cower at everything#that’s the biggest thing somehow inserts are always so easily frightened#especially when i tried to read thirteenth doctor fics#the inserts were scared of everything and i was like i get it to an extent but you’ve gotta have some sense of adventure!!#otherwise why would the doctor choose you??#zosting
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Do you prefer reviews in the form of AO3 comments or Tumblr tags? Because I'm five minutes into writing tags and starting to realize this might be strange of me...
oopsie!omens pt 11- St. James Park, 1862
They don't listen, break up ensues.
prev chp / kofi / AO3
#good omens#oopsie!omens#there is NEVER a bad time to have azazel dress fem#she's so gorgeous and i love her#LOL at her expression when talking about pears#i feel like everyone has slightly different interpretations of what aziraphale was trying to do in that line#this feels like a real 'head empty no thoughts' moment#not trying to distract jophiel#just like#'pears...'#although it's still a pretty effective tactic because jophiel is having SUCH a hard time with this conversation#so he could probably be frightened off from it pretty easily#i love that jophiel's owl joke was actually effective!!#azazel's little smile!!#'i do indeed have ears you silly goose'#('don't call me a goose!' 'whatever you say deer')#and then JESUS CHRIST THE HELLFIRE#i did NOT put together that jophiel would be asking her for THE THING SHE HAS PERSONALLY FALLEN INTO#USE SOME GODDAMN TACT MAN#(i've written so many tags omg)#(if tumblr eats my tags i'm going to bite someone)#(anyway)#jophiel dotting his i's with a star - because he made stars! - is so excellent#and it's still all caps because he's an engineer of course#azazel made a hard turn from assuming it's a suicide pill to believing jophiel when he says it isn't#i guess he really does believe jophiel despite everything!#...of course he has no reason to think that jophiel already broke his promise millennia ago by snooping around into azazel's past#(that feels like one of the things that might get hashed out in one of their many divorces)#jophiel reaching out for azazel's hand omg T_T#is that the closest they've come to holding hands?? T_____T
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backtracking through TME again and im still utterly in awe of Helene and her writing
I thought by the time i reached episode 72 that her story arc was mostly cleaned up. We got to learn that she does care about Lyla and that she's basically the asshole with a heart of gold stereotype wrapped in a few layers of pettiness and a faint hint of immaturity on her part.
...But now im realizing there MUST be still a lot to her character to go. There's just no way there's not. Between the missing event that turned Helene against Lyla and the way Helene warned Lyla not to trust or get close to her...not to mention we still haven't addressed the reason why OG!Helene destroyed the world in the first place...man, I LOVE that there's still more to her character to go
Helene is literally everything I have ever wanted to see in a character wrapped into one. I'm still shook she exists, that the whole of TME's plot never forgets her or shelves her potential.
She's a gal who has never gotten the chance to really mature into the person she should be due to Lyla's continued existence. She's petty and mean but her original saintly nature seems to be still intact. She's a walking contradiction: both cruel and kind and brave yet afraid. The amount of complexity and depth invested into her is honestly astonishing. And I wouldn't be surprised if she's heading for a villain arc considering her ties with her mother and the hints that she has a hand in the deaths of the empire's mages.
And I just,,,, god,,,, I want to create characters on the same level as Helene (and as the rest of this cast, actually). And while im currently in a rut with OC stuff due to being overwhelmed (and in a "what's the point" mindset lmao), this manga is SUCH an inspiration for me and all i wanna do is cling onto it and hope it never ends :'D
#the mighty extra#im checking every day for the S3 announcement ngl#also as im backtracking through the story again im starting to wonder if i got gaslit by the protag into thinking Helene is a good person#because one interesting thing about Helene is she's shown and told to be a good person but there's kind of no reason for her to be lmao#hard to put into words but i wouldn't be surprised if everyone is pushing the image of saintliness onto Helene and putting her under duress#I don't think she's a bad person persay and the narrative has EASILY reinforced her intent to help others like a saintly person#but damn do I also think there's a heavy deity-ification surrounding Helene from everyone around Lyla and that's not the best take to have-#on someone who is so fundamentally flawed as a human being that I could easily argue Helene isn't as mature as she's portrayed#which#relatable!!!#but also Lyla's inherent worship of Helene as the heroine of the og story is so fascinating to watch because Lyla literally treats Helene-#as if she can't do anything wrong (and if she does do something off she's got her heart in the right place) and watching Helene go off on-#Paris in the most eerie way possible suggests that's REALLY NOT THE CASE#the way Helene has shown so many different faces though is so good ngl#around her father she's clear about her distaste for him that she doesn't at all hide it#in front of her mother she's helpless and frightened and has no choice but to appease her mom in any way possible#in front of Lyla she's conflicted and beats around the bush regarding her intentions as she can't let Lyla know she still cares#in front of Paris her prejudice for Kylon's dragons shows and she isn't at all afraid to become openly manipulative towards him#Add to this her shown hostility towards Fian and the way she seems to look down on Odelia and she's such a dynamic gal#also on the note of Odelia im totes shipping Odelia/Rosalyn lmao#i like Rosalyn/Phillip but the moment Odelia said “hey lemme help you get what you want” i went “oh god i ship it”
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one of my oc's persona is the concept of the boogeyman & i'm looking for art to represent it & some of these images are genuinely terrifying lmfao
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I keep having dreams about Kali or getting another black cat and just... I miss my little Kali cat so much??? She passed away in 2022 and I'm still dreaming about her.
#she was such a sweet cat#so cuddly and smoochyi#i miss her a lot#:(#i can't get another black cat right now because of the two boys#alister is almost 18 and i don't wanna stress him out like that#and sam is 13 and is easily upset/frightened and has hyperthyroidism#not a good time to get another cat unfortunately#fox talks
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8:16pm — December 25th, 2023
I may be a little sad but hey, my aunt’s cat didn’t run under the bed when I came into her room to lay down and instead stayed on the bed with me, so maybe I shouldn’t kill myself :)
Also Merry Christmas everyone 🎁🎄🎅🏾
#btw he’s a very skittish cat and gets easily frightened by loud noises or people#so he’s often in my aunts room or running around outside#and when people come into my aunts room he immediately hides under the bed#he did that when I first started staying in my aunts room#so for him to just stay on the bed when I come in to lay down and not move is just 🥹🥹#like bro trusts me#I’ve earned the trust of a cat#i shall never want anything more#also he makes little honks when he sleeps
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