#i get a little rambly sometimes sorry
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i can't wait to be 30+ and still in fandom and i can't wait to be 40+ and still in fandom and i can't wait to be 50+ and still in fandom and i can't wait to be 60+ and still in fandom and i can't wait to be 70+ and still in fandom and i can't wait to be 80+ and still in fandom and i can't wait to be 90+ and still in fandom and i can't wait to look back on my life and know that i loved things deeply and passionately and was inspired to create and was part of communities with incredible people from all over the world brought together by the stories that touched us
#and still be mad at shithead executives for unfairly cancelling my pirate show#also imagine what my ao3 word count will be like. gonna be writing my little fics in the nursing home#sometimes when i get frustrated over my writing i have to remember that i've only been doing it for a little over a year#and not in my native language#there is still so much time and so much to learn and try and discover and explore and i am EXCITED#there is something so ancient and beautiful about humans being brought together by stories#storytelling is what humans have always done and will always do and what will always connect us#to our past to the future to each other#sorry for the 1 am ramblings#fandom#🐭📓
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oh please no, don't mind me, just thinking about the implications of them ending this season with eddie asking buck about the go karting place in the desert (that they mentioned in the first episode)
they'll both be out of their respective relationships, buck will have figured his feelings out for eddie and eddie will have just started to really uncover what he feels for buck, and finally digging thru all of his overwhelming amount of catholic guilt and what that means for him.
they could be in the locker room, about to leave after their shift (to further the parallel) and eddie could wait til everyone else leaves, so it's just the two of them left alone before he asks buck what his plans are for the day. buck would have a lackluster response, having nothing planned, and eddie would say something like;
"well uh hey, if you had nothing goin' on, this uh, person, told me about this go karting place out in the desert, could be fun" he would probably be smirking a little, his smile wavering a bit to showcase his nerves (though not understanding fully why he is nervous because? he's just asking his friend to hang out.. isn't he?)
but buck would obviously notice, laughing a little to try and ease the tension and calm his nerves a bit, "yeah, yeah i think i heard of it. uh- no yeah i don't have anything goin' on, i'm sure chris would love that" smile easily sliding onto his face, thinking about spending the day with the diaz boys.
eddie would sorta backtrack a little, not expecting that response, and adds on, "oh i uh- i was actually thinking that uh, maybe it could just be, y'know, us? i mean, if you're cool with that of course! i can ask chris but i think he might have plans with one of his friends and-"
buck cuts him off before eddie can ramble himself into oblivion, "-eddie. don't worry about it, i- i would love to go with you" his cheeks a little rosy, clearly not anticipating this turn of events and what it could possibly mean.
and then to really send it home
"great, it's a date."
just to really show that hey, this is the direction they are going in btw! yes it is romantic! yes it is intended to be that way!
and ofc s8 would be them sort of Knowing but not doing anything because eddie needs the time to work on himself, figure himself out and everything but by s8 finale they get together <3
haha or something idk!!!
#evan buckley#eddie diaz#buddie#buddie speculation#buddie idea#this is just rambling#sorry i got carried away LOL#sometimes i get these little blurbs of ideas in my brain and i cant fully flesh them out so its a mix of making sense#and being insane#anyway#rose unintentionally writes a fic#911 on abc
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#their little laugh in ggx is cute did you know this. now you do#their ggx-ac voice in general can be very cute. i dont say this enough.#particularly in drama cds :) but in in xx and ac story modes too. usually around dizzy. her calming effect on them can not be overstated.#even with their mental health in the fucking gutter They could be quite sweet. because theyre sweet. sweetie.#but also their fighting voice lines are cute too theyre a little cocky sometimes its fun. they laugh Kind of a lot. and its cute.#every time i get the voice set in +r where they laugh when theyre hit i clap and cheer#also i like the filter on their voice in ggx the weird high pitched layer. well. its cute how else do you expect me to describe it#the filter is a lot more subtle in xx they just kinda sound Even more compressed than everyone else LOL but it sounds cool in drama cds.#their ac plus story voice filter........ is so cool. very different from their gameplay voice its kind of jarring but yeah..#babygear why are you vocoded.........#sorry for rambling in the tags of a. a like 1 second long voice line#i like them.#the kat goes meow#gg#testament tag
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Persona 5 Royal Crossover events stop calling Sumire, "Kasumi" challenge (Impossible). 😮💨😭
#starchild rambles#minor rant#and yes it's about the IDV Crossover skin for her#don't get me wrong I love it and I'm gonna try and get it 'cause it's a freebie for participating in the event#but UGH#i'm so tired of it#sorry I just get a little miffed whenever crossover events use that name.#Back when the game just came out it was fair along with the Tactica DLC but it's been a while now#let her be her actual self dammit!#idk it can feel tone deaf sometimes when it probably wasn't intentional on the devs' end so I'm not super sure#persona 5#p5#persona 5 royal#p5r#p5r spoilers#sumire yoshizawa#kasumi yoshizawa
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How did you manage to handle not one, but FOUR separate accounts in fl? I recently made the account for my HD little guy but having to do the tutorial again just seems miserable
there's... weirdly several answers to that question, actually??
a HUGE part of it is due to the way FL is structured. the 10-minute action timer is a core part of the game on a fundamental level, and the fact that i can very easily run out of stuff to do on one character and thus have an excuse to quickly and easily swap to another is just... convenient? satisfying? i'm not entirely sure how to explain it. the fact that i can make progress even while i am fundamentally simultaneously Not Making Progress is like pure dopamine for my freak insane awful little brain. there's just something really pleasing about spending all of my actions pursuing The Goal Of The Day™ on one account before casually swapping to another and doing the same without feeling like i'm wasting time or acting to the first account's explicit detriment. the downtime helps! the recharge time helps! the structure really really works!!
i'm technically only actively playing three, maybe two accounts minimum. the only reason the fourth (the one that'll be my future BaL playthrough) currently exists at all is so i can get his earlygame completely out of the way now and not have to waste time running through it all later, when what i actually want to do is play the ambition i've made myself wait a full year to play. and also getting free goodies as seasonal stuff happens,, something something surprise tools to help us later. the only two accounts i'd say i'm really "actively playing" at the moment are caeru and lark- and of the two, lark takes the most priority, since his ambition is the one i'm currently pursuing in earnest. for a couple months now- despite being My Main FL Character- the scoundrel has actually been pretty inactive on a gameplay front outside of the occasional progression in TLC and discordance content. purely by virtue of having Very little left to do outside of Very long-term grinds and vanities. they're in their "now what?" "now you can start playing the game" era. they've graduated to previous protagonist background cameo in a sequel anime series. they're like the yin FLPC equivalent of red at the top of mount silver. they're Literally just vibing rn. i only keep posting about them regardless because i'm insane and i will never ever ever ever ever let that bat go. but yeah, big TLDR, outside of doing the bare minimum to keep making waves/notability up every week, i'm not actually spending that much time on accounts i'm not currently actively interested in playing. and that accounts for way more gaming spoons than you might think.
i have a virtually lifelong history of playing MMOs, especially and specifically world of warcraft. i was born in the endless grind for useless video game pixel vanities and/or bragging rights. molded by it. you all have merely adapted to doing the same piece of content a pointlessly excessive amount of times for literally no reason besides whimsy and folly. me? i've done my time. i've served my sentence. i've spent weeks doing the original burning crusade netherwing dailies. i've devoted days to running praetorium over and over and over again, back-to-back, nonstop, long before square enix cut it in half and made it NOT take at minimum an hour and a half per run. i've perfected my silverwastes + auric basin goldfarming strategies. i've (almost) crafted dragonwrath tarecgosa's rest. i've killed the sha of anger so many times its dying scream of agony is embedded into the very fabric of my being. ""only"" doing making your name content four times over? that is nothing to me. it means nothing to me. it is so infinitesimal i can do the persuasive seduction quests in my sleep. it's not a matter of handling misery, or having the capacity, or even sighing as i remember the brass embassy raid segment of the watchful questline seriously i don't know why i keep forgetting that exists or what even is my problem with it i just am so consistently mildly inconvenienced by it and its highly specific resource requirements and it is the worst thing ever. maybe i'm just so used to the scoundrel's near-infinite money and troves of disposable items that i've completely forgotten what being poor is like. despite having done that step 3 fucking times now. ahem. anyway. i have transcended the feeble mortal bindings of my resistant-to-grinding flesh and ascended to a higher plane of enlightenment, they may call me insane but they will be the ones left laughing when they see what that "insanity" has wrought, i've usurped them, i've usurped them all-
hacks and coughs and awkwardly clears my throat. i mean. uh. um. Ahem.
the empress' court artistry + tales of the university nerfs helped too.
#and yes#before you ask#i have forgotten which account has which items/has done which content many a time#i think the most painful incident was forgetting to keep up the scoundrel's making waves while i was still playing nemesis with caeru#given that im trying to build it up to 12 and reset their specialization... that was uniquely painful#then again they have like 40 BDR so it wasnt actually that inconveniencing lmao#fallen london#ask#long post#sorry for the infodump + sudden villain monologue.#all jokes and personal accounts aside i totally get the apprehension abt doing that stuff again#it's not for everyone. not by a long shot.#im only doing this because im genuinely invested and in love with this silly little browser game#and way back when i started i made a (only half metaphorical) solemn oath to experience all of its ''main stories''#and truly see everything it has to offer#(bc i like. physically cant do hyperfixations by halves. i need to consume Everything abt the thing or i'll explode)#(and even then i'll probably explode anyway. it's either completely drop it or go All In until it stops taking up so much space in my brain#(and. given the track record. that is not happening with FL for a while yet)#but like. that isnt actually normal behavior. just. just to clarify.#from what ive seen a VAST majority of people do not go out of their way to play literally every ambition#and that is so valid. it is so overwhelming. you have to juggle so much.#you have to play the earlygame So Many Goddamn Times.#(as i said. served my time. did my sentence. i am my scars. etc etc)#the best advice i can give as someone who's so completely desensitized to that repetition it doesnt even phase me anymore?#the same advice i can stress to all FL players. legitimately just take ur time with it. play when you want to.#dont when you dont.#sometimes you have to grit your teeth and bear things. and when it comes to alts you Will have to grit your teeth and bear it all again#but the beauty of this being a game that one plays for fun is that unlike. say. crushing deadlines or annoying coworkers in real life#you are completely within your power to decide when where and if you want to grit and bear it all#..wow this is ADVANCED yin rambling holy shit. i actually reached the tag limit. i think this ask should be put on some kind of list
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see my brain just doesn’t register the idea of anyone having a ‘one true love’ which is why the common fandom tropes of making canonical love interests terrible in order to justify why your ship is better always bugs the shit out of me. it feels like the only reason you would do that is if the idea of the characters in your ship having any other sort of romantic relationship that was important to them, even in the past, is a threat to their current one, therefore all their past relationships need to be demonized in order to make them ‘not real love’ so that they remain pure and chaste and ready for the True Love of the endgame ship.
#im not crazy right like other people notice that trope ajd get annoyed by it right#its a very weird trope to be so common from my perspective because like. why not just. break up the couple you dont want.#for reasons that arent ‘i made this person into a charicature of themselves to justify why my blorbo would have never actually loved them’#you know? its weird. its weird right?#and then of course there’s the offshoot of this that intersect with fandom misogyny where that demonized person is usually the female love#interest. or sometimes not even that. sometimes she was just standing there a little too close to one of the guys and that made people feel#insecure about their ship so they make her a bitch. gwen cooper. im. im talking about gwen cooper. people do this to gwen cooper and ill#never know peace about that.#anyway. is there a word for like. heteronormativity for monogomous people. because thats what i think this falls under.#because it is a very. like its a very conservatively monogomous idea. i feel like it is not unrelated to christian values of not having sex#before you’re married. that maybe someone in fandom might manage to ditch that particular ruleset to make their blorbos fuck nasty but NOT#the underlying idea of it that you can only ever have One Person you share that love and intimacy with. so you still end up perpetuating the#same toxic beliefs. you know? sorry im rambling it just annoys me
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Keri fun art detail fact that nobody asked for of the week:
Tsukasa puts in cereal first, milk second
#im sorry milk first enthusiast#get his ass#keri rambles#maybe ill make a tag for little details / thoughts behind my art sometime#if you are interested and if i find enough to post about 🤔
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Still can't draw but I've been thinking about when people put their own little twist on a character's design. Make up and add their own little things. It genuinely makes me very happy
#zoc scrambled#zoc shack#LANDS_EDGE#zoc artwork#rain world#rw oc#rw iterator#I'm ninety-nine percent certain I rambled about this at some point#how fandoms will show their own spin on a character's design#I love that#AND SOMETIMES?? people do it to ? my guys?#and I get so so happy#you are not bound by my silly little reference just know that#especially for creativity#as long as he's recognizable go the fuck wild#God knows I give him ten million different designs#gotta satiate my friends who like simple designs but I gotta give into the urges to let him be complex sometimes (cause I love complex desi#ns)#sorry I'm in a sappy mood#still sick#I want to draw so badly#properly
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Do you take commissions? If so, do you have a commission sheet? I’m sorry if this is an annoying ask I just really love your work lol
not annoying at all! i really really appreciate this a lot, thank you!
i have done commissions in the past on other platforms, but for now i am not taking them here. i'm not saying that i never will, because sometimes life is.. you know. Like That™️. but for now i'm steering clear of it to try and keep my passion up! 👍
#i also frankly think- and i don't say this to be rude- but i think that most folks in fandom would think my work is overpriced#because i charge somewhat more professional rates. still not a living wage. still not what you could get as a non-freelancer#(deleted a lot of rambling about prices here but if anyone does want to hear it i can go into it sometime)#kirby characters are generally far more simplistic so it would be a whole different pricing bracket#but i think expectations in fandom seem different to an original content community where people are doing this for a living#the one person i've commissioned in fandom i was so shocked at the rate i paid like... 500% what they asked me.#(that is not hyperbole. i 'tipped' 400% and it still felt like the bare minimum. you *must* tip undercharging artists.)#anyway. i have a lot of thoughts about monetising my art but at the moment this is still a no. i'm sorry!#i do really genuinely appreciate it though! if i ever open them i'll be sure to post here about it!#i'd also like to do art trades a little more regularly in the future (not rn) ; so there's that too? but we'll see. again i'll post about i#starflungs personal tag
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I did kind of enjoy the first chapter of Parkinson's Hornblower "biography" because it offered some things that I had either been wondering about or which I thought were delightful little headcanons, but I have to say that since then it has just been making me hate Hornblower an unbelievable amount and/or occasionally go he would not fucking say that
#on another note this is very similar to the little stories on hmssurprise.org in that it gives the vibes of#'someone needs to introduce these guys to the concept of fanfiction'#he's writing his own little stories about hornblower! he's making up theories about his family! girl get on ao3!#it is also like reading a fic in that sometimes you're like 'i'm going to steal that' and sometimes you're like 'he would not say that'#he is making hornblower horrifically ambitious and he's somehow doing maria even dirtier than cs forester if that was even possible#so. y'know. he's taking him in the opposite direction he's making him be exactly what cs forester wanted him to be which is perfect#and him being perfect is absolutely godawful when you don't have his personal torment nexus brain monologue going on over it#perhaps this is a light into the brain of the Boat Dad Experience when reading these books. idk#it does present a fun angle of analysis of his character he is a guy consumed by ambition i'll give him that#i'm not buying all these guys saying he'd end up happy that way though sorry#perce rambles#percy yells at cecil scott#+ bonus yelling at my other pal cyril northcote!#i'll perhaps post stuff i found interesting if other people would like. let me know if you'd want to see that though
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[3/3] HHNFLARTAS - what's done is done
hell hath no fury like a rescue team association scorned not a fic or anything, i just ramble a lot about my pmd ocs in a digestible format that's more or less that kind of content. random yearly event for rescue teams. covers no more than like, one week of VV content
[ 1 / 2 / X ]
the rescue team association #1, again
there comes a point where it gets complicated. the RTA can't let you pass just because you completed their challenges -- you could cheat to win, and that wouldn't be reliable, after all. there's a million and one technicalities to consider.
yes, keith's team saved the rescue, who came back safe and unharmed. they also secured the item at the end of the dungeon. so what gives?
you never split the team. the rescue takes priority.
but they did the rescue. does it really matter? you can't just go off of stuff like this. there's specifics to it. it's a case-by-case basis.
both parties are right, in their own way. it's not a black and white case.
..
in the RTA's defense, they aren't wrong. you've got to consider how their actions would come across out of context.
a rescue has been secured. a member has split from their team, taking the rescue with them.
they split from the team. this puts them in immediate danger. they also have the rescue with them, so they're endangering the rescue as well.
if the solo member is incapacitated, the rescue is at incredible risk. the member is also at risk.
team splits can cause multiple problems to arise at once. it may also be seen as a disagreement.
extreme measures had to be taken to ensure the remaining members completed their goal.
the usage of a flood orb is not commonplace. team inventory will not always have this item available. it cannot be considered a reliable solution to a problem.
relying entirely on one item makes you a liability. it can be considered an easy way out.
the monster house was not fully defeated, simply temporarily disposed of. if the orb failed to work, the team would not have survived.
if the rescue was there, they could have been swept up in the confusion.
their general behaviour may be seen as too immature and unreliable.
this only checks out if they're monitored during their dungeon run. the three have a lot of chemistry with eachother, and have a lot of banter together. when you're unaware of how they talk to eachother, it can be seen as constant bickering and arguing.
regardless of how seriously they take the job when it's required (since they don't really like to be tense the whole way through), they have lapses of silliness and tomfoolery. this is because the RTA is incredibly boring and hate fun.
they barely even survived. let's be honest.
this is self-explanatory.
the rescue team association #2
in the defence of keith's team, you'd have to consider the following:
a rescue has been secured. mike has split from the team, taking the rescue with him.
he split from the team, a mutual agreement between all three members. they decided that this was the best way to get the rescue to safety. mike is strong and fast enough to get the rescue out of the dungeon with his remaining energy.
mike didn't become incapacitated. and if he was close to such, he can take matters into his own hands to really save his skin, and, more importantly, the rescue.
there was no disagreement, and mike was going backwards. he wasn't taking any new paths and discovering new things/triggering events. he was simply backtracking, taking the safest routes.
the rescue plant, an undetermined pokemon of undetermined rescue knowledge, agrees that this was the best decision to make given the circumstances.
extreme measures had to be taken to ensure keith's team could complete their goal.
this is because luwel prepared for the worst. when you plan for a rescue, you already know what kind of environment to expect, so you prepare thusly; this is no different. if it were a real job, and keith's team were the only pokemon available, it would be the exact same -- luwel would prepare the very same items as he did for this adventure.
they had the flood orb, which meant it was available to them at the time. a problem was predicted, planned for, and then solved. this is how it should be.
keith's team did not rely on a singular item. instead, luwel took the time into planning out the right items to carry with them, getting a rough estimate on the dungeon size and how difficult the job would be. to say the item is the sole reason they survived is to completely undermine luwel's ability to plan ahead.
a monster house does not have to be defeated in order for either goal to be met. if a third task was to defeat a monster house, then this would apply. but this was not the case, so it does not.
the rescue would have been accounted for. keith's team will make quick decisions, but they will never forgo the rescue to make them. the rescue, had they been present in the room at the time of the orb's use, would have been given a heads-up, and the team would take the initiative to keep the rescue safe before using the orb. additionally, the rescue was not even there at the time.
keith's team communicate with eachother frequently, including having light conversation, as well as constructive discussions about eachother.
sorry that you're too unfamiliar with a good relationship to understand their dynamic. the rescue would state that despite the circumstances, they did feel that keith's team had great communication. this is a non-issue, and exists just to make the cause for failure bigger than it actually was.
there's a lot of back-and-forths. guildmaster rime is not happy with the results.
the rescue team association #3
truth be told, there's… really not a lot that the team can do about the situation. what's done is done. they can fight their case if they really wanted to, but it's just resources wasted. as far as they're aware, at least.
guildmaster rime has always been in keith's team's ballpark. hell, keith is like a son to him, he is a son to him -- keith's going to inherit his guild, for goodness sakes! how can rime be succeeded by someone who failed the master trials for no real good reason? it won't do. it just won't do. the guildmaster is typically in agreement with the RTA when it comes to grading, as a seasoned explorer himself -- but to not consider keith's case? to fault them on technicalities alone? it's not right. it isn't fucking right. he'll do something about it. or at least, try to.
as a guildmaster, rime has some form of contact with the RTA. it's a required system in order to have a guild be truly recognised in the world, and additionally mandatory for any teams to earn ranking points. he drops a line of inquiry into the guild's connection orb, but there's been no response for several days. despite his grievances with the system, rime knows better than to push.
..
the boys have already forgotten about it, for the most part. they're discouraged, but they know in their hearts what they truly are: a good team who did the right thing. keith tries to distract himself by ranting and raving about the process of getting another flood orb. luwel's been trying to distract himself by writing up varying arguments to plead their case, which isn't really a distraction at all. mike is… unbothered. he cares, but doesn't have enough faith in the system, and settles more on the idea of "we know our truth and that's that, if they can't see it that's on them". every time luwel brings up a possible counter-point, mike gives him a thwap on the head. "best to keep it to yourself," mike says. "i dunno if keith can take it".
they cross paths with team PB&J occasionally, who, against all odds, ranked in the top 100. keith would say it was a total fluke that they did, and truthfully, he's right. it pisses him off further.
..
it's been about a week. the RTA responded to rime, after sending a rotom drone or two out to survey the boys. none of them noticed. nothing really fun or exciting to report on. the drones were simply just monitoring their day-to-day, to see how they've decided to take the results. it's invasive, and certainly not something they consented to, but the RTA can do whatever they want if you more or less work for them. thankfully, they do not find luwel's musings, as he gave up before the first surveillance.
rime's call is short-lived. there's not much to say, according to the RTA. the final findings were, essentially, "agree to disagree". they'd argued that because the case wasn't black and white, a true, rightful verdict couldn't be settled on; this uncertainty meant it was safer to fail keith's team than it was to pass them.
nobody had the desire to combat the RTA of all people about the decision any further. failing due to just barely missing the mark was better than failing due to sheer ineptitude, which lead to some sort of small victory for the team in the end. at least we aren't total failures, i guess, keith would think to himself.
not that they'd expected things to go their way. they knew that by now.
..
end.
#tagging for archival purpoes#pokemon#pokemon mystery dungeon#my art#keith#luwel#mike#ok and thats that. maybe ill write up another big thing one day .#everything else is just incoherent discord ramblings#these are the only things ive drawn recently btw LOLLL thats ok. i didnt really put any thought into them#i have no commentary to give. i wish this was all written a little better since its literally just#me rambling coherently so it's not written in a descriptive way#and makes the assumption that you know who's who & a lot of stuff beforehand#there wasnt even a title for this one LOL#sorry i do really boring endings sometimes. its bc my guys dont get through stuff all the time
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It’s so strange to me that a whole lot of people misinterpret edwin as being “socially awkward” or “uncharismatic” when he’s really quite capable in both those departments? I mean he’s the face of the agency and talks to clients like a professional, he’s quickwitted and takes notice of cues and implications in conversation, he’s quintessentially eloquent and has no issue or hesitation presenting his arguments and opinions, he was raised in an environment where being keenly aware of social cues was essential both in basic society and moreover for a boy trying to avoid being hurt all the time, etc etc etc. the moments where he comes off as awkward tend to be ones that are easily explained by the situation– like when he’s flustered, dealing with a sensitive topic or feelings he’s not used to, or when something highlights him being a bit out of touch when it comes to modern phrases, etiquette, objects, etc (understandably and inevitably– not the fault of his personality or temperament).
yeah, he absolutely has trust issues and doesn’t get close to people easily on a genuine level, and he can be cold, spiteful, and brutally honest at times (pretty much always intentionally– compare to niko, who’s blunt and sometimes causes insult without realizing it), but by default, he’s quite a charismatic, well-spoken guy with a proclivity for performance. people just tend to ignore, forget, or disregard that because the flustered skittish person he becomes when he’s faced with something out of his comfort zone or realm of understanding is quirkier and easier to fit into a common pathetic gayboy archetype.
#it really baffles me sometimes how people characterize him like I don’t wanna be That Guy but#were we watching the same show. did the context for his actions get totally lost somewhere. what’s going on#edwin’s the kinda guy who could successfully pitch an idea to a board of executives with just a chalkboard and his stupid little bowtie#or the kinda guy that’d absolutely fucking kill it on the high school debate team as a mock attorney#being that kinda guy requires just as much charisma as cleverness#in dnd stats he’d have high deception high persuasion high performance and meh intimidation#but. that’s a side note#not as high a charisma stat as intelligence but still above average#sorry i always end up thinking in dnd terms eventually#edwin#rambling#please don’t yell at me for this if it comes off like discourse im just some guy#edit: it’s actually like. wildly impressive how charismatic and confident he is in socializing and whatnot considering being. completely#isolated from human contact for 70+ years
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one of my fave things about teaching is that I’m NOT a counselor and I don’t have to get into the weeds with a student but also I’m part of their life every day and i see when they’re struggling and I can ask how them how they’re doing and make sure that they know I see them on a steady, daily basis and it will be healing for both of us
#I teach a student who hit a wall a few weeks ago and just refused to go to school and was just all around struggling with his mental health#and this is not a kid who wants to talk to me about it or would even know how and I also know he has people where he can#But I’ve just tried to make sure that There’s a little extra contact and a few more questions and just a little bit more#and obviously I am not the cause of his doing better but overall I know that it helps#while still being such a subtle and ordinary human exchange that doesn’t force either of us to go to extreme lengths#like man I really LOVE that space and living in it#and just being a (hopefully) stable place for the kids to be seen in a small but consistent way#teaching tag#something about holding them in the safety of manners while also modeling what that looks like for them#it’s so gratifying to me and it helps me too!#like yes we should greet each other! We should ask how we’re doing! we should exchange pleasantries#and it’s important to me that that happens without getting personal sometimes or overly involved#pleasantries don’t have to be cold things and you can be seen and validated by a momentary kind glance as much as by someone digging#into your soul#it can be light and life-giving at the same time#it can be fun!#I’m sorry I’m rambling and over-saying this but it’s Saturday#!!!!!!
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i could yell and scream about the relationship between an engine and its driver for literal years. i could cry into my pillow every night thinking about the drivers patting the engine whenever theyre sad or the one 2 second scene in the adventure begins where gordon's driver says "what's he up to now." like hes a dog whos chewing on something when he shouldn't. literally just seeing the driver in the cab makes me wail like a dying feral animal on the side of the street.
#rambling#sorry im getting emotional#and whewnever the engines interact with sth and its like hes their dad#HES SO THEIR DAD. HES SUCH A DAD.#sometimes whenever im sad i think about how sir topham hatt has pictures of his engines framed on his desk like theyre his kids#do u think he has pictures of them in his wallet. oh my god i could sxcream#OWAAHHH OWWWAAHHHHH <------ dying dog noises#ok im going to bed goodnight <3#what i woukld do to be a little engine whos trying their best and have my driver pat me on my boilre... .... .. .OUWWAHHH
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Everytime I face a new character limit on a website that didn't have them before/used to have really long ones... AUGHHhhh the modern social media world was not made for people like me (lovers of details, rambling, elaboration, thorough explanation, and nuance)
#twitter and other short form shit and everything being a Phone App On Small Screen instead of a Proper#Computer Website i feel like has just ruined the format of literally everything for me. Thoughts just keep getting more and more condensed#with detail and nuance taken away. everything over simplified into only the basics. blah blah blah. I've already probably rambled about thi#all before but it's just SO frustrating. I literally just CAN NOT talk that way!!! even if I try!!! I took multiple advanced placement#english & language arts classes in school and I literally never made below an A on any assignment EVER except for ESSAYS#where I would legit get almost failing grades just because I cannt express myself concisely. I took an english placement test thats made to#like evaluate your competency in a subject and out of the 102 multiple choice questions I only missed TWO of them. almost a perfect#score. But for the 5 open response questions (about articulating thoughts succinctly) I did not get a single one of them lol#I only got partial credit on 3. It's like I OBVIOUSLY understand the material and I know how Words Work and how to analyze and interpret#meaning and etc. etc. But it's just when I have to express myself CLEANLY I can't. It's always ''well you have very good points and you#get around to the idea eventually and I think it's very insightful - but it just needs to be shorter/the side tangent needs to be removed/#etc.'' I've always wondered if it has something to do with being on the schizophrenia spectrum and how that can cause disorganized#speech sometimes hmm..ANYWAY.. But I just naturally express myself in a very particular way which is lengthy and I can't rea#ly seem to control it. So it's basically like just.. being gradually pushed out of every place that won't accomodate people with different#ways of like perceiving and expressing or etc. Everything cannot ALWAYS be 100% 'Short and Snappy and To The Point' or a quippy one#liner or the Bare Minimum of information being provided or etc. Some peoples brains just do not work like that!!!!! Sorry I operate#in detail and elaboration lol. ANYWAY.. I still sometimes use random ''dating sites'' like OKCupid to look for platonic friends since#I never leave the house so it's hard for me to just meet friends naturally. And I just realized today that they added a RIDICULOUSLY small#character limit to their messaging system (2000 words?? augh). And also took away answer explanations (when you answer a compatibility#question you used to have a space to give detail and explain why you answered the way you did) and removed a few other features and it's ju#t like.. how the fuck is any of this actually helpful in terms of judging compatibility? take away ALL nuance and anyting that actually#is meant to tell you anything about a person? Bumble's character limits for your profile description are even more fucking insane and so#is every other disgustingly minimalistic place I've seen like.. OKC used to be superior BECAUSE it allowed for a TON of detail. like back i#2016 or something there was SO much data you could look at. long form question answers. personality trait summaries. etc. Now you have#SOO little to judge off of when evaluating compatibiility it's like. You'd have better luck just throwing a dart in a crowded street and#talking to whoever it hits. Why are people so fucking allergic to reading anything longer than 3 words and providing DETAILS!! It just seem#harder and harder to find any place to meet platonic friends where you have any amount of actual data to go off of and it isnt basically#just random 'speed dating' set up shit. AARGH. &I know 'oh just join a club& meet ppl irl' 1. erm..covid. 2.I mostly want to meet ppl#in places I'd like to move so I already know ppl when I get there. You kind of HAVE to do that online. bc I am not there yet.. WISHING for#Complexity.Com where ppl can upload full 900 page psychological files of themselves. MINIMUM profile character limit 30k words lol
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someone in the tetro server, i give all my hugs and thanks to you in finding all secrets and terminals to the server, seriously the tetro fandom shoots themselves in the foot so much. <3 you're still loved very much here
thank you lol, im really not feeling good about everything that happened. it sucks because i still really wanna talk to the people in the server and i was honestly having a really fun time talking about staffside with people. i feel bad because i didnt realize that i was making people uncomfortable or that i was coming off badly. idk who im gonna ramble to now that im not with my staffside pals. hope someone works hard at finding terminals and i hope i find another place to be at some point
#it really sucks#ive been feeling pretty shitty for a little while now#i thought i was getting along well with people so im worrying that maybe im just socially stupid?? lol#i have a lot of trouble fitting in sometimes so it felt really cool to feel like i was connecting with the staffside fans#and like we were friends i guess idk#it just sucks man#im really sorry to everyone#knowing people thought i was pretentious or cliquey sucks#i hope if im gone thatll help staffside's image at least#but i just feel like garbage lol#i wanna talk to my friends#anon#ask#blackberry rambles
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