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sgtjbbhasmyheart · 4 years ago

Text

Drunk Texting Is(n’t) Bad for Your Health- Chapter Two

Series Summary: Talk about your unconventional meet-cute! Bucky receives a text by mistake requesting he prove he's not Reader's sister. The easy dialogue between Reader and Bucky sparks a natural friendship, but could it lead to more? Bucky still deems himself unworthy of any form of affection or love. Reader is hellbent to prove him wrong. With the help of some (meddling) friends along the way, Bucky may get his happily-ever-after after all.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Word count: 2921

Warnings: bad language words, blink and you’ll miss the angst, just some fluff

A/N: divider credit- @firefly-graphics

DO NOT copy or replicate without my permission

You awoke with a start, feeling as if you were late for work or something important and forgot to set your alarm. Your heart beat an erratic tattoo against your ribcage. Scrambling for your cell phone, you blindly reached across the side table near your bed in a panic. Unplugging the phone, you brought the device an ungodly closeness to your face. It was only 6:17. On Saturday.

Your pulse throbbed behind your eyeballs, and a strange stickiness coated the inside of your mouth. Did you drink that much last night?

How could you not? Timmons was a fair boss, and you enjoyed your job, but that dude loved the sound of his own voice.

The quarterly business dinners were mandatory for all employees, even for the P.A.s. Typically, they weren’t so bad, but last night, Timmons felt the need to toot his own horn for landing a massive contract with Stark Industries slash The Avengers. He went on and on about how great it was for the firm.

He was like a giant kid in a candy store with his ramblings. ‘We will be promoting the face of The Avengers and everything that goes with it,’ he spouted off like the firm was god’s gift to public relations.

You groaned at the reminder of last night’s presentation. The contract wasn’t even in effect yet, and you were sick of the Earth’s Mightiest Heroes. Timmons could be a real buzz kill.

Rolling to your back, you brought your phone up to tap the screen to read the emails you received overnight. On display was a text from 11:04 by someone named James. It read: “Goodnight, (Y/N).”

Your mind went back to last night again, trying to recall who this James was. He must be significant if you plugged his contact information into your phone already. Had you met someone last night?

Drawing a blank, you clicked on the text bubble to pull up the thread. Briefly scanning through the numerous texts, everything came rushing back. In an attempt to text your sister, Robyn, you mistakenly texted this mysterious, James.

You felt like an utter buffoon when you learned he wasn’t Robyn. You always did have a way with the cute boys. Probably why you were single. You groaned out loud as you read on.

You im safely inside my apartment. Pretty sure no one followed me home

James Did you triple check the lock on the front door?

You yes dad yeesh

James There are a lot of bad people out there. Just want to make sure you’re safe.

You sounds like you watch the news too much but its sweet of u to care

James I know from experience.

You r u the bad guy or have u been the one mugged?

James Let’s just say I have friends that have dealt with the bad things of the world.

You right i almost forgot ur a military-trained assassin athlete mchottie

James Did you ever send your sister a text?

You shit thanks for reminding me i have such a crazy story to tell her

James Only good things, I hope.

You oh yeah all the good things an enigmatic yet handsome stranger cares more about my safety than any of my ex-boyfriends ever did.

James My ma raised me right.

You id say

James_ I hate to cut this short, but I think you need your rest. Especially if you’re meeting your sister tomorrow._

You i dont want to agree but ur probably right

You whats ur name btw?

James My name? Why? Do you plan to continue texting me after tonight?

You duh ur fun to talk to

James Oh.

You or not its cool if u dont want to

James It’s James.

You nice to meet u james im (y/n)

James Nice to meet you as well.

You my sister just texted me back and were still meeting at 9 i should go

You goodnite james

James Goodnight, (Y/N).

Oh. My. God. Had you seriously drunk-flirted with a stranger and offered to keep texting him? You had no shame with a few drinks in you.

You brought a hand up to pinch the bridge of your nose and sighed loudly.

What did you know of this James? He had a New York area phone number. Check. He could have been a real dick about your mistake but wasn’t. Understanding. Check. He worried about you getting home safely in your inebriated state. Caring. Check. Not too forthcoming with the nine to five. Secretive. Check. His mouth looked so soft and plush, and his eyes were made to drown in. Gorgeous. Check.

A heat simmered beneath your skin as you recounted the shortlist you’d made. Were you lusting over someone you’d exchanged less than forty texts with? Had you somehow woken back up in high school?

Shaking your head to clear your thoughts, you stared at the screen displaying the message thread. Were you really considering this? You nodded your head to answer your own question. Where was the harm in a little shameless flirting? If worse came to worst, you could always block him.

With your mind made up, you began typing into your phone, constructing an apology.

You Good morning! First off, I want to apologize for the way I behaved over text last night.

You Though, I do like to imbibe in the occasional drink or two, I am, by no means, a lush.

You Please take everything I said with a grain of salt. Apparently, I get loose-lipped and cheeky with free wine. 😐

You Again, I’m sorry and understand if you wanted to cease our correspondence for my behavior.

You blew out a breath and tossed your phone aside. It was up to fate now and a stranger named James.

You laid in your bed for several minutes staring at the ceiling, contemplating between whether to send a ‘haha just kidding’ text and what the weather would be like, so you could forego shaving your legs in the shower today.

Your phone chimed during the pondering of hair removal, indicating a new text. You knew it was James proclaiming you a freak and to forget his number, but secretly, you hoped it was Robyn canceling today.

Seizing the phone from your mattress top, your heart’s beat increased with each second you went without looking at the screen. Finding the courage, you flipped the device over to read the message.

James Quite the formal apology, Ms. Professor.

You smiled at the text. It didn’t tell you to pound sand or eat shit. No, it was teasing and in jest. You sighed in relief.

You Cease our correspondence too much?

James No, no it was perfect if this was 1863, and you were breaking up with me via telegraph.

You Stop!

James Exactly! ‘Never speak to me again!’ Stop. ‘It’s not you, it’s me.’ Stop.

A belly laugh disrupted the tranquil air of your bedroom. You quickly thumbed out a reply once you caught your breath.

You You’re incorrigible.

James I’m glad to see you are using proper capitalization and punctuation this morning.

You Ha!

You When you are buzzed and/or tipsy, capitals and periods be damned. Like you’re so perfect when you’re drunk.

James We all have our flaws.

Was he implying he was a sloppy texter when drunk, too? You shrugged it off as him being cryptic again.

You What are you doing up so early on a Saturday? I didn’t wake you, did I?

You were suddenly stricken with guilt. You should have waited for a more reasonable hour to send out rapid-fire apology texts. Not at 6:36 in the morning. You didn’t want last night’s behavior hanging over you, though. Better to clear the air now than later. You could always ask for forgiveness again if you had disturbed his sleep.

James I had just gotten back from my run when I saw your texts. I have training this morning.

You Oh, right. For your hush-hush, super top secret mission/quidditch game.

You You ever gonna tell me what you really do?

James_ Maybe. Someday._

How far away was someday? Was he planning to text you until you both died or until he got bored? How did texting relationships even work?

You Or is it one of those situations where if you told me you’d have to kill me?

James 😈

You There you go again--being all mysterious.

James Keep ‘em guessing and coming back for more.

You Has that strategy worked well for you in the past?

James Got you to text me again this morning, didn’t it?

You scoffed at what he had suggested. He was correct, but your stubborn streak would deny everything.

You The only reason I texted you this morning was to apologize for acting like a drunken fool last night.

And to squash the curiosity burning in your veins. But he didn’t need to know that.

James Oh.

The reply caused you to furrow your brow and your stomach to drop. You regretted not adding more levity to your last text. Of course, it wasn’t the only reason you were drawn to him.

You I appreciate that the selfie you sent wasn’t a dick pic. And you genuinely seemed to care about me getting home safely. Thank you.

You And maybe- a teeny, tiny bit- is honestly interested in getting to know you better.

You waited on pins and needles for his text, watching the pulsing ellipsis on your screen. Was he just humoring you?

James Hook. Line. Sinker.

Reading his response generated a flush from your jaw to your hairline. You growled in embarrassment. You fell for the oldest trick in the book. He baited you for a compassionate answer, and you delivered beautifully. Hook, line, and sinker, indeed.

You You’re an ass. I take everything back.

James Don’t be mad. I wasn’t sure how it was going to go, but you played into my trap wonderfully.

James If it makes you feel any better, all kidding aside, I want to get to know you better too.

James I fell asleep with a smile on my face last night and woke up with one this morning.

James Because of you, (Y/N).

A flutter broke apart in your chest. You hadn’t time-traveled back to high school; no, this was junior high territory.

You You’re lucky you’re so damn charming, James.

James Doll, you have no idea.

The subway ride into Manhattan usually gave you the chance to get a little reading in since it took nearly fifty minutes from Queens. Not today, though. You spent the entirety of the train ride texting back and forth with James. It was mundane stuff, but you were getting a grasp of who James was as a person.

You Favorite color?

James Black. You?

You Blue.

You Favorite ice cream flavor?

James Chocolate. Yours?

You Ben & Jerry’s Cherry Garcia.

James I didn’t realize we were getting specific.

You We weren’t, but that’s my favorite.

You Favorite movie?

James I like the classics- The Wizard of Oz, It’s A Wonderful Life, Frankenstein.

You I have too many to list, so don’t ask.

You Okay. Lightning round because I’m almost to my stop.

James Where are you going again?

You paused your reply for a brief second, wondering if you should divulge your destination. You’d known James less than twenty-four hours; although, it felt like weeks after this morning. Where was the harm in telling him where you were meeting your sister? There were nearly nine million people in this city. There was no way you’d ever bump into each other.

You A bakery in the Upper East Side called Two Little Red Hens. Ever been?

James Don’t think I have.

You Well, since you like chocolate, they have a fantastic cake called Brooklyn Blackout. Super rich but delicious.

James Sounds right up my alley.

You Cats or dogs?

James I’m gone too much, so cats.

The answer piqued your interest. Maybe he was an athlete. Wouldn’t it be practice and not training, though? Or he’s FBI or CIA.

You Socks on or off for sleeping?

James Off.

You Silver or gold?

James Silver.

You Morning, noon, or night?

James Night.

You How do you take your coffee?

James Room for sugar and creamer.

You Boxers or briefs?

James Boxer briefs.

You laughed out loud, looking around the subway car to see if anyone was paying attention to you. Per usual, they weren’t.

You Touché.

As soon as the train stopped, you gathered your purse close to your body and made for the exit. You followed the crowd of fellow passengers through the turnstile and ascended the stairs onto street level.

The morning sunlight caressed your skin like a warm blanket. The humidity wasn’t too bad, yet, but the threat of afternoon thunderstorms still hung in the air.

Even with the reasonably early hour, the sidewalk was stuffed with people, carrying to-go coffee cups or shopping bags. You fought for your little spot of real estate on the grimy concrete.

Stopping at a red traffic light, waiting to cross, you typed out another question for James.

You Pineapple on pizza--yay or nay?

The light changed as you finished, and the throng of pedestrians around you guided you across the street. You spotted Robyn outside the bakery as your phone dinged with a new text alert.

“Wow, I’m surprised you made it on time,” Robyn said as you hugged hello.

You looked at the clock on your phone. 8:58. “You and me both, sister.” Glancing back at your phone’s screen, you giggled.

James What kind of monster puts pineapple on their pizza??

“What’s so funny?” Robyn asked as you accompanied her through the bakery’s door.

With a grin on your face, you punched out a quick reply:

You Well, it was nice knowing you, James. It was a swell friendship while it lasted--a whole 11 ½ hours.

Robyn elbowed you softly in the ribs with a look on her face, seeking an explanation.

“Ow,” you grunted. “What?”

“You tell me. I half expected a zombie to walk through the doors today after your text last night. Not Suzie Sunshine.”

You both edged closer to the counter as the line in front of you dwindled.

James Say it ain’t so, doll! Pineapple on pizza? Really??

You let out a low chortle as you skimmed the text. You glimpsed up at Robyn as you shuffled forward in line again. “Believe me, I’m pretty hungover,” you replied, shoving your phone in your back pocket. “It’s a funny story. I’ll tell you everything when we sit.”

Robyn stared at you warily, still trying to figure out what had come over you. “Okay,” she conceded, stepping to the register to order.

With each of you supplied with an iced coffee and a peach ginger scone, you found an empty table by a window along 2nd Avenue and proceeded to tell Robyn about James.

When you stopped to catch your breath, remembering the whirlwind the last twelve hours had been, you peered at your sister for her reaction.

She stared at you like you’d grown a second head. She shook her head in disbelief. “(Y/N), what where you thinking?”

Your brow pinched in confusion. Was she actually scolding you? You crossed your arms over your chest. “I was thinking about how my big sister is always telling me to meet new people and how it’s time I thought about settling down.”

“Not like this it’s not,” she hissed. “This is how your body parts end up in someone’s freezer!”

You choked on the piece of scone you shoved in your mouth before she started ridiculing you. After coughing to clear your airway and taking a sip of your iced coffee, you leered at Robyn. “Oh, my god! Dramatic much? Have you been binge-watching Dateline again? Jesus Christ, Robyn, he’s harmless,” you countered.

“You think you’ll be so careful, but you’ll let one little detail slip, and he’ll find you,” Robyn said before taking a pull from her coffee.

“You mean, like, how I was meeting you at Two Little Red Hens at nine o’clock?”

Robyn’s mouth popped open in an O. “What the hell, (Y/N)?” she stage-whispered. “Are you trying to get yourself kidnapped and sold into sex trafficking?”

“Please,” you drew out in one long syllable. “He doesn’t know what I look like. How would he snatch me?”

“He could look you up on Facebook.”

“Without a last name?” You shook your head, no.

“What about a reverse search on your number?” Robyn asked, pushing the plate holding her scone away. “That’s a thing.”

“Perhaps, but it seems like a lot of effort for a mistake I made. It wasn’t like he was seeking me or anyone else out.”

Robyn huffed out a breath and folded her arms in exasperation. Always the protective big sister. You could tell you were breaking her down, though.

“C’ mon, Robbie. It’s all in innocent fun. I’m not saying I’m hoping he’ll turn out to be Mr. Right, but the banter is fun,” you remarked. “James is charming and witty and nice to talk to.”

Robyn shook her head once more, frowning. “I hope you know what you’re doing.”

You reached across the table for her hand and squeezed gently. “Me too.” You smiled slyly, remembering last night’s dinner and Timmons gushing about The Avengers. “If not, I know how to get ahold of a couple of centenarians who know chivalry isn’t dead.”

Chapter One | Chapter Three

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#drunk texting is(n't) bad for your health #dtibfyh #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes x you #bucky x reader #bucky x y/n #bucky x you #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky fanfiction #bucky fanfic #fanfiction #fanfic

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starglitterz · 3 years ago

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Xiao fluff, as promised <3

---

"Chocolate?" Xiao stared at Mo-- Zhongli in disbelief. The older adeptus smiled benignly, lifting the teacup to his lips. "Yes, chocolate. The Traveler introduced the tradition of gifting chocolates to people whom you find... hm, let's say people whom you are very close." "Huh." Xiao stared up at the moon; an unnaturally large globe looming over the land. "Mortals. I will never understand them." "One does not need to understand to partake in their rituals." Zhongli left the unspoken question hanging in the air, entangled by the silky threads of the smoke wafting from the teapot. Xiao blew out a huff of air. "Fine." Zhongli set down his teacup. "I shall assist you." --- Turns out, Zhongli's idea of helping was to stand by the counter and recite the entire history of chocolate. "I appreciate what you're doing, Lord Lapis--" Xiao gritted out. "--but is there anything that you can actually do?" Zhongli blinked languidly, and his next words infuriated Xiao to no end. "It must come from the heart, yes? As I was saying, chocolate--" Xiao resigned himself to another of Lord Lapis' long rants and turned back to the cookbook that Zhongli had lent him. "Where did you even learn about this stupid tradition, anyway?" Xiao groused, for lack of anything to say and to cut Zhongli's train of thought in half. He measured and stirred in the milk with a little more force than was necessary. "Childe told me about it. Fascinating, isn't it?" Xiao may or may not have broken a wooden spoon, imagining that it was a certain Harbinger's spine. Finally, finally, the chocolates were done, and he wrapped them up in a box, gently nestling a crystalfly core into the centre of the bow so that the whole present glowed with an ethereal light. "It looks very lovely, Xiao," Zhongli observed. "Lord Lapis, with all due respect, you did not help in anyway whatsoever." Was what Xiao was going to say, but he held his tongue. Almost slipped up. His lord was acting more and more... human of late. Perhaps that was a good thing. He glanced at the innocuous box sitting on the countertop. Time to give this to you, then. --- "Xiao!" You smiled, and Xiao ignored the his heart like a trapped crystalfly. "What brings you here? I don't have almond tofu on hand, so sorry..." "Here," Xiao said brusquely, shoving the box of chocolates into your hands. "This is for you. It's to say... thank you. For the almond tofu." "And~?" You teased, your voice lilting. "...And for your company," Xiao begrudged. "Chocolates, Xiao? You shouldn't have." You shut the box gently and produced another box. "But then again, it is Valentine's Day." "Happy Valentine's Day, Y/N," Xiao mumbled, allowing you to hug him. "I made them myself." You pulled back, a look of wonder on your face. "You made them yourself? For me?" "It's not like that! I just... since you take the time to make me almond tofu, I thought I could reciprocate likewise." You smiled and opened the box, taking one of the chocolates out and popping it into your mouth. "Delicious." Your voice was nothing more than a reverent whisper, and Xiao flushed at the praise. "It's nothing compared to your almond tofu." "Xiao, are you saying my cooking is better than an adeptus' cooking?" "...Yes. Get off! No, no more-- fine, fine! Just stop making that face."

(AA)

OK I CRIED THIS IS SO ADORABLE TYSM AA ANON ILYYY AAAA <33333 I GENUINELY HAVE NO WORDS THIS IS SO CUTE HAHSJFKSJFJSJ THANK U THANK U THANK U !!!!!!! <3 PLS THIS MADE ME SMILE SM AHAHAHA

#📧 — mail !#AA anon💌#💟 — faves !

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rinstars · 3 years ago

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hello risa! i'm coming off anon to share a fanart i did for cry for me ;-; i was going to wait until the end of the series, but i couldn't LOL. before i share it though, i just wanted to get these off my chest:

one. whatever you guys do, please do not read this in public if you cannot contain your emotions (i was going to wait until i got home, but anticipation got the best of me) 😭. i slammed my phone on the table so hard after reading this line: "unlike you, i respect the feelings i have for yura, y/n," OOOOOOOOOOOO I WAS SO HURT LMAO. my tears were hanging by the thread.

two. i know suna didn't mean any of the things he said to hurt y/n, but i can understand his reaction. he was simply frustrated and i'm assuming that he is confused with this whole situation now. i think it was also stated towards the end that he couldn't handle situations like this well enough.

three. everyone needs an osamu in their life :') i love his platonic friendship with y/n so much!! it's so heartwarming to see him worry about her. he's such a good friend and deserves the best.

four. there is so much miscommunication between suna and y/n which truly breaks my heart :( i kind of wish suna would've just told her that he was trying to push that woman away. but then again, there would be lack of action and angst.

five (connected with four). i love love LOVE how you made the plot and characters realistic. in real life, there is miscommunication and assumptions in relationships. nobody is perfect and everybody has their own flaws. i just hope they learn to forgive and communicate with each other after this argument.

six (last one i promise 😭). so.... suna does care about y/n. i've been wondering for the longest if y/n meant anything at all to him. interesting.... this should be a good sign, right :') ?

out of all the chapters so far, this one broke my heart into pieces. my throat was choked up with tears, ready to spill an entire ocean. you never fail to make my heart flutter and shatter. your writings are amazing and i would PAY for your works. don't forget to take your time and always make time for yourself 💕.

OH MY GODHEOGEOEHEI WAIT OMFGGEJGE IM ACTUALLY GONNA CRY WAIT 😭😭 OKAY LET ME ANSWER EVERY NUMBER FIRST

one, right omg that part was literally double blow from him it’s like admitting he still has feelings for yura and also insulting yn on how she doesn't even seem that serious with omi with how much she was "throwing" herself at others 😭

two, yeah exactly :( suna is very bad at this. going into cfm, the image i had of suna had been set as someone who wouldn't be able to handle heavy emotional confrontations well—much like his canon self and i wanted it to be the root of misunderstandings. he's very frustrated and very confused how what they considered as a little game has turned out like this yk?

three, OSAMU YAAASSS no hes actually perfect and thats the reason i want him to remain platonic with yn. she could use a guy she wouldn't fall in love with yk? just a genuine friend.

four & five, just like what i said at three, i really really want there to be stupid and frustrating flaws that make you wanna pull your hair cause how can suna be this dense and how can yn be this stupid but yk? thats their personality. i dont feel like switching it so we can read a "flawless" plot 😭

six, he does! and like he said he cares about her more than he'd like to admit which means, it's probably a type of care that scares him because admitting it both to her and himself means there's no turning back.

LASTLY THANK U SO MUCH OH MY GOD u dont get how happy this made me I'm actually baffled that someone would love cfm enough to make a fanart out of it :(( thank u so so so much babe ilysm and i really appreciate it it literally made me so happy 😭💗

#♡.xolovevl02 #THANK Y SOOOO MUCH #♡.entry #cry for me ; series #cfm ; misc #cfm ; faves

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ethospathoslogan · 5 years ago

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jords would u do 78 “i’m just looking out for you.” w platonic prinxiety 🥺? -blink

blink....... blink.................... thank u

content: platonic prinxiety, hurt/comfort, the self-indulgent fic my brain has been telling me to write every day for the past like two weeks

------------------------------------------

When Virgil trudged around the corner into the Mindscape’s kitchen, headphones on and blasting at a volume that was still too low to drown out his thoughts, his steps momentarily faltered at finding Roman already sitting at the dining table with a cup of something steaming nestled in his hands.

Pausing his music, he slid off his headphones and let them hang around his neck. He arched an eyebrow at Roman. “Coffee at three A.M., huh?” He turned and began rifling through one of the cabinets aimlessly. Honestly, he had just wanted to sit in a room that wasn’t so loud, but if he was just going to get stuck in small talk- “I promise I won’t tell Logan if you won’t tell Patton.”

And he pulled down the coffee container. His heart was already thumping in his chest, it couldn’t get much worse.

Roman laughed softly behind him as Virgil, mostly just trying to do something with his hands, prepared a cup. “So you can’t sleep either?”

Virgil snorted. “This can’t be new information to you, Princey.”

“No, not exactly...”

Maybe it was just the way Roman trailed off, or maybe it was Virgil’s frayed nerves, but he swore he could feel Roman’s eyes burning into his back as he fumbled with the buttons of the coffee machine.

When he looked over his shoulder and found Roman looking back at him with tired eyes over the rim of his cup, he tried to not tense his shoulders too much. “Take a picture, it’ll last longer.”

Roman smiled and set his cup down. In the dim glow of the lights, Virgil could see his face flush. “Sorry, Virge.”

Virgil smirked and turned back to his brewing coffee.

After a couple beats of silence, Roman sighed. “But on the subject of our... sleeping habits...”

Virgil frowned and, slowly, turned to face Roman. “Hey Roman?”

“Yeah?”

“That is the weirdest fucking way to begin a sentence.”

Roman, rolling his eyes, waved his hand flippantly. “Well how else am I supposed to begin?”

Virgil shrugged. “I don’t know, normally?”

“Well, this isn’t exactly-!” Roman cut himself off and sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “This conversation wasn’t supposed to start like this.”

Virgil, who was ready to make another quip about Roman’s abysmmal late-night conversation skills, froze. Instead, perhaps pre-defensively, he crossed his arms. “What- what is that supposed to mean?”

“It means I need- want to talk to you.”

Virgil’s stomach twisted in a way that was a bit too nauseating. “Whatever I did, I didn’t mean-”

“No, no,” Roman interrupted, shaking his head with a smile. “It’s not something like that, don’t worry.”

“Like that’s easy,” Virgil said, perhaps with a bit too much bite. He flinched when Roman’s smile, even just for a moment, faltered. “I- shit, sorry, I didn’t- I know what you-” He sighed and, tilting his head up towards the ceiling, squeezed his eyes shut tight. “Just- sorry.”

“Virgil, it’s fine,” Roman assured. “Just... I guess that’s what I want to talk about?”

It was the surprise that drove Virgil to open his eyes and look back down at Roman, who flashed him a speeish smile.

“That still doesn’t really take the edge off, Ro.”

Roman sighed and nodded. “So I figured.”

“Well,” Virgil said, swallowing thickly as he looked down at the ground and shuffled his feet, “Uh, what’s up?”

“Well,” Roman began slowly, dragging out the word. He unlaced his fingers and, instead, scratched at the wood of the kitchen table. His movements, how carefully he was choosing his next words, it did nothing to soothe the nerves gnawing at Virgil’s mind. “When you are feeling particularly... tense, your thoughts start to... pull from my realm.”

The coffee machine, finishing its brew, beeped. Virgil ignored it, or perhaps his feet just refused to move from their spot.

Instead, he became immediately aware at how dry his mouth was.

“And I’ve... noticed this on occasion,” Roman continued, cautiously eyeing Virgil. “All the sides do it, really. I am Creativity, after all. If you are to create... well, I’ll know. And it can be a bit... distracting for me as well.”

Virgil nodded quickly, in beat with his racing heart.

“And- and I swear I’m not complaining!” Roman put his hands up in slight defense. “I- I’m not trying to bitch at you or- or even make a scene! I’ve just been noticing that... lately, your pull has been a bit more... forceful than normal.” He then sighed, running a hand through his tousled hair. “I didn’t know how to bring it up before tonight but- and, Virgil, I’m just looking out for you-”

“I- I-” Virgil stammered, his eyes darting around to everything but Roman, “I’m fine. Just- same shit, different day, you know?”

When his eyes fell back to Roman, he winced at the sad smile he wore (and Virgil tried not to focus on the dark circles under his eyes, evidence of his own lack of sleep).

“I didn’t know it affected you too,” Virgil finally whispered.

“Virgil, this will be the first and only time I ever say this,” Roman said, keeping the smile on his face, “But forget about me. I’m worried about you.”

Virgil bit his bottom lip and looked down, shuffling his feet again. Finally, he laughed bitterly and said, “Fuck, you’ve really gone soft for me, huh?”

Roman laughed, too. “The price of friendship.”

Virgil let himself smile for a moment before sighing. Looking up, he dragged a hand through his hair and pulled. “I’m... I’m really tired.”

Roman nodded.

“I’m always tired.” More so because he wanted something to do with his hands again, Virgil turned back to the coffee machine and, taking a mug from the drainboard, poured himself a cup. Keeping his back to Roman, he shut his eyes tight and shook his head. “I’m... tired of being tired.”

“How about you come sit?” Roman asked softly.

Virgil, after only a slight hesitation, sighed again and, walking to the table, took the chair across from Roman. Keeping his eyes trained on the mug, he absentmindedly scratched at the design, chipping some of the paint off.

“I... I just can’t stop being tired,” he said.

Roman nodded. “I-” He began, and then cut himself off for a couple more moments. “Honestly, I don’t know if I have any... advice that could help. I—all of us, really—understand, even just a bit, what you feel and go through but, at the end of the day, we don’t know.” Virgil nodded and Roman sighed. “But—and only if you want!—I can be here to listen.”

Virgil couldn’t help but let a light laugh escape. “Listening without monologing,” he joked. “Roman, I’m shocked.”

Roman smiled. “Consider it a gift.”

The smile remained on Virgil’s lips for a few seconds longer before slipping off again. “I can never get my brain to turn off,” he said quietly. “When Thomas is awake, I’m focused on the things that he’s dealing with. All of it. All the time. And when he’s sleeping... I’m left to deal with everything else. The past. The future. Now. It’s...” He sighed and shrugged, “Exhausting.”

Roman nodded.

“And it’s just-” He looked up at the ceiling, breathing deeply “-It’s not just your room, either. I- I don’t mean to. It’s just... my thoughts pull from your room to make things more vivid, and from Logan’s room to make things more accurate, and from Patton’s to make things more weighted, and just... it all becomes this fucked up shitstorm.”

He tugged at the loose threads of his jacket, thinking for a moment. Roman, patiently, waited.

“I think I was just made to take the bad from everyone else because, honestly, I can’t remember the last time I went more than a day without...” And he trailed off, waving to himself. If his eyes were geting a bit blurry, he ignored it.

And when Roman watched him stubbornly rub at his eyes, smearing his eyeshadow only further, he smiled sadly and offered a hand across the table.

Virgil, his throat tightening around the lump in it, reached out with a shaking hand and grabbed Roman’s.

“Sorry,” he muttered, rubbing at his eyes again.

“You don’t have to apologize, Virgil,” Roman said softly.

“It’s stupid,” he said, staring down at the table. “I’m- I’m getting so upset about shit that isn’t even happening.”

“Hey, stop that.” Roman squeezed his hand. “Aren’t you the one who told Patton that whatever he’s feeling isn’t stupid? Or bad?”

Virgil shrugged. “Easier said than done, I guess.”

“Maybe,” Roman said, “But that’s what I’m here for.”

Virgil lifted his eyes to meet Roman’s, and Roman smiled.

“Whatever you’re feeling,” he said, “Is valid. And okay. Not stupid or bad or annoying or anything else that brain of yours is telling you.”

Virgil’s face heated up but, nonetheless, he smiled.

“And, listen,” Roman continued, “Even without feeling your... pull, I barely sleep anyway.” He shrugged. “Logan calls it a side effect to my unchecked creativity, but I say that it’s a fun new way to approach writing!” When Virgil let out a laugh, watery but still genuine, Roman beamed. “But what I’m trying to say is... my door is always open. My room can be used to make good things, too, and, if that doesn’t work, there’s always a Disney movie we can put on.”

Virgil sniffed and squeezed Roman’s hand. “Thanks, Roman.”

Roman smiled and shrugged. “It’s what I’m here for.”

Virgil nodded, looking down at the coffee that he never even touched. “And I appreciate it. Really.”

He pulled his hand back and stretched upwards, wincing as his back cracked. “Just,” he continued, “Can you keep this... between us? I don’t want the others to worry.”

Roman nodded. “My lips are sealed!”

Virgil smiled.

After a couple more minutes of comfortable silence, the pair starting to feel the effects of their exhaustion, Virgil yawned and pushed himself back from the table. “Well, might as well get back to my room,” he said.

He’d be lying if he said that his stomach didn’t sink at the thought of retreating back to his room for another restless night, but-

“Or,” Roman said, interrupting his thoughts, “You could just crash in my room. I have extra... everything. Including face masks!”

“And what is that supposed to mean?” As Roman stumbled through a backtrack, Virgil chuckled and put up a hand. “Kidding, Princey. But, I mean, if you really don’t mind...”

“Virgil, you know me,” Roman said. “If I did mind, I would’ve told you to have fun up in your lair of doom and gloom!”

Virgil nodded. “You would say that.”

“But I’m a changed man,” Roman said, beaming. “So now I say that you can crash in my room so that your dungeon does not take its prisoner for the night!”

Virgil rolled his eyes but couldn’t hold back a smile. “How poetic.”

“It’s what I do!”

Virgil stood up from the table. “It’s a plan, then.” And, as he began to make his way out of the kitchen, he shot a smirk over his shoulder. “If you snore, though, I’m leaving.”

Virgil laughed at Roman’s offended gasp, and went to collect his things from his room.

#sanders sides #prinxiety #roman sanders #virgil sanders #stuff i write #answered #Anonymous

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lightsandlostbells · 4 years ago

Text

wtFOCK season 3, episode 5 reaction

This whole episode I kept doing that Marge Simpson groan. You know, the one that’s like tight-lipped and this low, exasperated mmm from deep in the throat? That was me constantly.

Episode 5

Clip 1 - Jens gives Robbe sex advice

Robbe texts his mom and says to her he can’t visit, lying that it’s because he’s sick. One repeated element that does exist in this season is Robbe listening to music on his headphones, which is him retreating into himself, or using music to cope. The song lyrics reflect that: “I used to feel so alone, now I’m feeling better on my own.”

Since I’ve been trying to think of ways to rewrite this season, they could expand Robbe using music as a coping strategy even further. Music should have been something that Robbe bonds with Sander over. And not just Sander’s recommendation of Bowie, either, which is all they’ve done so far - it seems like Robbe should give recs or insight as well. Talk about how important music is to him with Sander. Make it a serious point in their developing relationship.

Jens skates up and talks to Robbe. Robbe wants to get high, but Jens doesn’t have weed with him at the moment. He asks Robbe if he’s thought about the Brrrothers, because they’re not the same without Robbe. Robbe snaps and turns away from him, then lies and says his bad mood is about Noor. Jens has already heard that they’re fighting.

Jens’ talk to Robbe, knowing that Noor wants to have sex and Robbe doesn’t, is actually pretty sweet. Even though he doesn’t understand the real reason why Robbe doesn’t want to, his talk is thoughtful and not shaming Robbe for being a nervous virgin, it’s considerate of him. Considering the Brrrothers have been obnoxious about sex and girls all season, this was a refreshing change. One question I do have is how Jens knew that Noor wanted sex and Robbe didn’t, but I guess it was implied that this explanation was part of the rumor mill.

Of course, the downside is that Jens’ advice prompts Robbe to text Noor about how he misses her and wants to meet up. Bad, Robbe! I don’t know if Jens’ talk encouraged Robbe to text her because Robbe was like “Yeah, I’m supposed to like Noor, better get back on that,” or because maybe he genuinely told himself, “I just don’t want to have sex with her because I’m nervous, yeah, that must be it,” and decided to just move forward with it.

I do like drama that comes from characters trying to be helpful but unintentionally saying or doing the wrong thing - that’s what happens in the locker room scene with Isak and Even. When Isak says he’s better off without mentally ill people in his life, he’s telling Even this as a way of saying that his mother won’t cause problems for them, he doesn’t care what she’ll think of them dating. So taken on its own, I think this scene is fine.

HOWEVER. The pacing of this season is again, SO SO weird, because this scene would have fit right in around episodes 2-3? Right after Robbe tried and failed to have sex with Noor, you know ... the first time? Or the second, or the third? Like … have it be in line with Isak’s episode 3 sexuality crisis, all the “why does he have to be so gay” stuff. It would’ve worked well to have this talk at like, the beginning of episode 3, and then have Robbe making the “that guy is so gay” comment as an unintentional result of this - by trying to convince himself he is just straight and nervous and distancing himself from being gay. We had three entire scenes of Robbe failing to fuck Noor, so narratively, why did we need to wait this long for Jens to talk to him about it?

Clip 2 - AGAIN?

Robbe invites Noor over to bone. He’s lit about a million candles and is trying to make this a big romantic deal, except lmao, he has on David Bowie’s Life on Mars … Robbe … what u doing…

Actually, I’m not sure if this is diegetic music or not, if Robbe is blasting Bowie from his phone as mood music or if he’s only hearing this song inside his head. I think we’re definitely meant to take away that Robbe is hearing the song since it gets distorted as he slinks down Noor’s body, and that it’s not just there for the audience. In either case, Sander is supposedly the shadow hanging over this sad hetero affair.

Tbh listening to Life on Mars is the best part of this season and I wish I could just like … listen to this song play against a black screen instead of watching poorly written, repetitive clips.

They start to get it on and he takes off her shirt, unhooks her bra, yadda yadda, he doesn’t look happy but he soldiers on and it’s implied they went All The Way. On the one hand, I will rage if they actually had sex. On the other hand, if they don’t, it’s yet another clip where the same shit happens, Robbe tries to bang Noor and fails..

Clip 3 - Robbe’s not turned on by Noor and this is BRAND NEW INFORMATION

… okay, so he didn’t have sex with her AGAIN? He couldn’t get it up?

For fuck’s sake. I mean, on the one hand I’m glad it was actually Robbe’s choice (apparently) to put a stop to the sex instead of like, someone else walking in and interrupting yet again, but on the other hand, I feel like we have done this scene SO MUCH. We KNOW. About the only thing that’s changed I guess is that Robbe kissed a boy and now he’s trying to be straight? If this was only like the second time this scene had happened, it would have been fine.

I just don’t have a coherent idea of Robbe’s arc. This season is going in circles.

Anyway, Robbe couldn’t get it up, Noor is sympathetic, she asks if it’s her, Robbe says she’s amazing, he looks sad and haunted blah blah we’ve already seen this play out.

Why were these separate clips? In the first clip, we have Robbe seemingly determined to have sex with Noor, and then in the second, he can’t get it up. So why not SHOW THE MOMENT OF CHANGE? Are these filmmakers on drugs? This is storytelling 101. Like there’s no reason to split up these clips except to cause a bit of anxiety if you happen to be able to watch the clips at the exact time they’re posted, and from a real-time perspective I get it, but that’s ineffective for the vast majority of people who will have to watch later and then will watch these two clips together at the same time. I mean, the fact that it’s not even 10 minutes in between clips … just SHOW THE WHOLE SCENE. Holy fuck. How are they this incompetent?

The pacing of the scenes themselves is so weird. So many of the clips are oddly short, we don’t NEED them to be split into parts. It makes me really appreciate Julie’s pacing: Skam S3 episodes had 4-6 clips each, and in those clips, we got rich scenes packed with details, often multi-tasking within different story threads. wtFOCK’s pacing is simplistic and choppy and unnecessary.

Clip 4 - Milan gives Robbe a pep talk

Robbe is Googling erectile dysfunction which is honestly kind of funny (but again, probably would have been a better fit for earlier in this season, before Robbe had already kissed a dude ...) Milan comes in wanting advice on two shirts, Robbe is annoyed.

Milan tries to get Robbe to talk to him. It takes some prodding (and I do like how Robbe is swiveling in his chair and not looking at Milan) but Robbe admits there’s a guy who likes him and, after Milan asks, admits that it’s mutual.

Tbh … I don’t find it so hard to believe that Robbe opened up to Milan even though they’re not anywhere as close as Eskild and Isak, because I do think another gay guy is a “safe” person to talk to about this situation and I can see Robbe doing it. What I do NOT get is why, here and now, Robbe is now openly admitting it. Why did we go from Robbe trying to fuck a girl and, before that, calling the boy he kissed a pervert and a homophobic slur, to admitting his attraction for a boy? Why the sudden turnaround? Based on the clips themselves, all we have to go off as a turning point is that he couldn’t fuck Noor, BUT this is nothing new for either Robbe and the audience, AND not being able to fuck a girl does not actually mean that Robbe would be able to fuck a guy, or that he’s into guys, and it especially doesn’t mean that Robbe would accept that he likes a guy. I mean, he’s Googling “erectile dysfunction” not “am I gay?” which tbh seems still more like denial than anything. He’s blaming his lack of arousal on a medical issue, not his sexuality.

This scene would feel more true to me if Robbe was like, downplaying his side of it, or playing it off as only Sander had feelings and it wasn’t requited. That’s more in line with the characterization we have just been given, that Robbe is denying his attraction to Sander.

Another way would be to not split up the sex clip and to show like, Robbe flashing back to his kiss with Sander while he’s making out with Noor, so we get that it’s not just that he’s not into Noor, it’s that he’s very into Sander, and we see him grudgingly admit to himself that yes, he’s attracted to Sander (at the very least.) which would make it believable that he admits it to Milan. Cause and effect, etc.

MIlan is like, are you so nervous to tell me you have a crush on another guy (...????? um, yes, Milan, you have to know it’s hard to come out???) but is pretty supportive and says Robbe’s lucky to have him, Milan would have wanted himself when he was going through this. Robbe is just like, I don’t know what I feel and I want everything to be normal, there’s too much shit going on right now. Milan says Robbe IS normal and he doesn’t want to bottle up who he is, the pressure will get too real and he’ll explode, he’ll hurt people. Robbe seems to take this advice seriously, so hopefully this scene will actually lead to cause + effect.

Again, this scene is fine on its own? There’s just something about the pacing of the season as a whole that feels strange.

I don’t know if this is supposed to be the equivalent of the Pride clip, because Robbe doesn’t say anything offensive and Milan didn’t get upset. Milan’s advice is good about not pushing away who you really are, but there’s nothing specifically confronting internalized homophobia, which Robbe desperately needs seeing as he’s had some extremely homophobic outbursts. I think it’s a shame to lose that part of the scene, because it’s got a very pointed and urgent message. (EDIT from the future: We got the Pride clip later in the episode, so that’s good.)

Clip 5 - Robbe tells Jens he likes someone else

Robbe is sitting on the sidelines listening to music again. Jens comes over and asks how things are, Robbe says he took his advice with Noor and Jens is happy that he’s a matchmaker. Robbe is like no, there’s someone else. He says he thought it would go away, but it didn’t.

For a moment it seems like this might be a sudden coming out scene, but Jens finally asks who it is and Robbe clams up and finds it hard to get out. Jens asks if she goes to their school. Robbe is saved by Moyo wanting to play a game against some guys.

This is some plausible conflict, at the very least, Robbe not being able to tell his friends that he’s into a guy. It would have been way better to focus on this instead of Robbe flinging a slur at Sander. Robbe’s friends seem like the clearest explanation for his internalized homophobia.

Now Jens needs to follow up on this development, or else turn in his Jonas card. Because there’s dropping the subject if he senses Robbe doesn’t want to tell him yet, and then there’s forgetting about the subject because Jens isn’t that engaged with what’s happening with Robbe, and unfortunately the latter vibe has come across far more than the first. Like why does it seem like Jens is always walking away?

Clip 6 - Robbe breaks up with Noor

Old Town Road is playing as Noor meets Robbe in a cafe. One thing I do notice is that there are a fair amount of gay musicians on the soundtrack this season, so that’s cool.

Robbe is stressed because we can tell he’s gonna try to break up with Noor. He doesn’t order anything to eat. Noor is sympathetic about him not getting it up with her, but Robbe says he needs some time for himself, he has so much shit on his mind. Noor says she can help with that, he’s like nah, Noor is crying and reaching for him desperately. He gets up and walks out.

L O L I heard all about how Robbe supposedly handled this better than Isak, and I mean … on the one hand, I certainly agree that he did Noor a solid by officially breaking up with her and not just running away from her in the hallway. But er ... first of all, Robbe went wayyyyyyyyy farther with Noor than Isak EVER did with Emma. Robbe and Noor had an actual relationship for what, a month? Isak and Emma made out twice and flirted a bit. They were not exclusively, seriously dating. So yeah, Noor is owed this breakup.

Second, Robbe still cheated on her with Sander before he broke up with her. The fact that they were naked while they made out in the pool frankly adds an on-screen sexual element to the cheating. And technically Isak making out with Even in the pool was not cheating … for sure it was a dick move to lead on Emma and then ditch her like that, I’m not going to say it was NBD, but like I said, they weren’t exclusively dating. I mean, in all my years of Skam fandom, it’s pretty rare that I’ve heard anyone refer to what Isak did as cheating - it’s usually talked about differently than Even cheating on Sonja. Robbe and Sander BOTH cheated on their girlfriends here.

Third, it’s nice he did this with Noor but lmao, kinda small potatoes considering what Robbe said to Sander.

Fourth, Robbe just gets up and leaves while she’s crying, lol. He let her order soup and then he ditched her! That’s cold as ice! Bro, you need to stick around until she tells you to leave, or you needed to pick a breakup location where both of you can leave ASAP without someone coming by with the meal you ordered.

And to be clear, I don’t think Robbe not handling this perfectly makes him a terrible person or anything. It’s more the comparison to Isak with how Isak is supposedly worse and Robbe is much nicer. Nah.

Sucks for Noor and all, but whyyyy are they making the Emma character so tragic and emphasizing this het relationship so much? We don’t even end the clip on Robbe’s POV. Because how he feels about this breakup doesn’t matter, I guess. Does he feel guilty? Free? Unsure? Conflicted? IDK because we close on her, not him! I’m sorry, but it’s not her season!

I mentioned this in an earlier reaction but I’m just super tired of gay storylines that have this intense focus on how much someone being gay hurts a straight person. I believe I mentioned Love, Victor as a prominent example, because Victor’s relationship with his girlfriend seemingly gets more screen time than the relationship with his actual male love interest. And I get why this storyline is relevant to a coming out arc, of course I do, but it really bugs me when the het relationship seems to overshadow the gay relationship, as it does here. At this point I feel like Robbe/Noor has been given equal plot relevance as Robbe/Sander, if not more, and that should not be the case. It’s not about shipping, it’s about wanting a story about a gay kid’s journey of self-acceptance to focus more on the life-changing love story that is the catalyst for embracing his sexuality, than the fake passion-less relationship that is doomed to failure that is just a momentary stumble in said journey of self-acceptance. There is no need to demonize Noor, but there is actually a middle ground between treating her with respect and empathy and making her the real victim of this story.

This narrative choice also does not exist in a vacuum. It is completely fair to be skeptical of the prioritization of a het relationship over a gay one. It’s fair to wonder why we’ve gotten multiple scenes of Robbe getting hot and heavy with a girl, why Robbe spends a pivotal clip being so sad about Noor that he doesn’t seem to really notice or care that he’s alone with the guy he supposedly likes.

I mean, fuck, Robbe seems more upset about hurting Noor’s feelings by breaking up with her for legitimate reasons than he does about hurting Sander’s feelings by calling him a f*g and accusing him of sexual assault.

Clip 7 - Robbe tries to speak with Sander

Robbe goes to school (not his school, Sander’s) and asks where the art room is. He’s in a way better mood, a spring in his step, but LMAO you better pray that Sander actually wants to talk to you rather than kick your ass or avoid you for all eternity because of what you said to him.

Sander is sketching a nude male model. Robbe seems happy just to see him. He walks away and goes to the bathroom, fixes his hair, stares in the mirror, takes a deep breath. Then he goes up to Sander after the bell rings. Robbe wants to talk, Sander is not having it and walks away. Robbe is sad, angsty music plays.

Uhhhhh, serves you right? No offense but I can’t even feel sad for Robbe in this scenario, because what he did crossed a line. Internalized homophobia is a hell of a drug, but there’s such a difference between Robbe just denying that the kiss meant anything or blaming it on being drunk or whatever, and essentially accusing Sander of sexual assault and calling him a slur. It’s not an ignorant mistake, it’s a malicious one. I feel bad that Robbe ever had such self-hatred that he made those comments in the first place and I certainly don’t hate him or think he should be forever alone, but it is 100% understandable why Sander would not want to speak to him after that.

Also, going up to Sander at his school was not the best move, because he’s basically ambushing him. Sander doesn’t have a choice whether to deal with Robbe in that moment. It would’ve been better if Robbe sent him some kind of apology text or voicemail first and left it up to Sander whether he wanted to meet. I get that’s not as good for televised dramaaaa, but it’s kinder to Sander. (And if Sander doesn’t respond, or if he’s blocked Robbe, well, those are just consequences of Robbe’s actions that he’ll have to live with.) EDIT: Robbe actually did contact Sander first via text, wanting to meet up so he could explain. That does make it somewhat better, although I still think he shouldn’t have approached him at school. If Sander doesn’t want to talk to you? Then give him space. Maybe he’ll be willing to hear you out in time, or maybe he’ll decide he’s better off without you, but Robbe’s the one who did something wrong and it’s not up to Robbe whether Sander forgives him.

Clip 8 - Robbe and Sander make up and kiss

Angsty music keeps playing as Robbe walks home. He sees a mom and her kids playing, more sadness presumably due to his own family troubles.

Sander has followed him and says he has five minutes. Robbe’s like “Why don’t you want to talk?” LMAO IDK ROBBE, WHAT COULD IT BE.

Robbe says he’s sorry and that he loves Sander. LMAO WHAT. Is this a nuance of translation where “I love you” isn’t as strong as it is in English? Are you kidding me?

First of all … he LOVES Sander when they’ve barely interacted? They’ve spoken only a handful of times. Hell, they only met in episode 3, and this is episode 5. It’s been like two weeks since they’ve met, and while I could buy that some ships fell in love in that short of time, this is sure as fuck not one of them.

Second … Robbe goes from shoving Sander and calling him horrible things and trying to fuck Noor, to professing his love for Sander, WITHIN DAYS? And this is the character who’s supposed to have a big coming out arc? What is nuance, what is good writing, what is a coherent idea of this character’s struggles with his sexuality and himself... The talk with Milan might convince Robbe to accept his feelings, but it would make way more sense if Robbe was more tentative about them. He doesn’t need to come out swinging the big epic declarations in order to accept his romantic interest in Sander.

Like this isn’t even based on what I personally think is believable for a romance, this is based on what wtFOCK has told me about this character! They made the choice to make him say more viciously homophobic things. They made the choice to have him go back to Noor and try to have sex with her for the millionth time.

I’m glad that Sander doesn’t buy the confession at first, at least.

Robbe says that he was really fucked up and hat Sander is the first dude. There is a cute moment where he’s like “that kiss (mimes fireworks)” but then things went Chernobyl. Would have been great if we saw exactly what made him go Chernobyl and make him regret the kiss. He says he’s sorry but asks for one more chance.

Sander steps in, leans in for a kiss. “What about Chernobyl?” “Fuck Chernobyl.” They kiss, it’s really sweet, but lol they’re kissing in public??? Robbe is ok with this?? I just have abso-fucking-lutely no idea where this kid’s head is. Like ... how is he so cool with this considering where he was just days ago? Apparently Robbe’s internalized homophobia was so extreme that he was all “get away from me f*g” toward Sander with no clear catalyst, but also not so extreme that it couldn’t be fixed with a pep talk from Milan? Okay!

This scene would have been totally fine if Robbe’s mistake was less cruel and amounted to blocking Sander or telling him to stay away or w/e. It doesn’t feel satisfying for what Robbe actually did say.

Also, sigh, because Sander did forgive Robbe just like that, and I don’t buy it. I mean, if anything, it makes me sad for Sander. I want to tell him that he deserves better. I suppose I can buy this as part of his fear that no one will ever love him, that he’s desperate to be accepted and loved and so is quick to forgive.

It would have made more sense for Robbe to have a longer period of self-reflection, have him come out to his friends, etc. and then reunite with Sander an episode or so later, similar to how Isak and Even reunited at the end of episode 7. Or to have Sander take some time before letting Robbe talk to him, during which Robbe works on his own issues.

Sander gets a call from Britt, which he ignores, saying Britt’s the past, he and Robbe are the future (as the song lyrics talk about the future and the past … they’re going pretty on the nose this season. Fine by me, OG was also on the nose.) Lmao but Robbe has no right to be upset about Britt after he explicitly told Sander to stay away. I mean, it’s dubious of Sander to keep dating her after cheating, but he also thought Robbe was no longer an option sooo don’t be surprised Sander is still with her, dude.

Sander goes to meet Britt, but not before some make outs, some handholding. I think their chemistry is good! It’s just that I don’t really buy the depth of this relationship. It legit makes me sad that these actors are getting served this half-assed material.

Clip 9 - Zoë gets a letter

Robbe goes home and gets a text from Sander, with a sketch of them, saying their kiss was Chernobyl. Well, that’s cute.

Milan is telling Zoë about seeing some straight-looking dude on the bus who melted when Milan looked at him. Robbe is in a good mood and is gonna do the cooking. Milan observes that he’s happy and asks if things went well with his (Robbe looks toward Zoë) “lovely girlfriend”. At least Milan covered for him! (EDIT from the future: Ahahaha, funny considering how casually people out Robbe this season...)

Robbe hands Zoë some mail that turns out to do with Viktor, the apparent Nikolai in this version, about the case going to court. She has to testify. She is upset and walks out of the kitchen.

I complained a bit about Zoë/Senne drama taking up time in Robbe’s season, but to be clear, I have no problem with them following up on this plot point from S2. It’s a hugely important story. But I also think it works best if you integrate it into Robbe’s story, by drawing a parallel to their situations, finding a common theme, etc. And it depends on whether Robbe’s story is otherwise satisfactory, because if the writing is pretty tight, I’m not really bothered by digressions in other characters’ subplots.

Clip 10 - Robbe and Sander get cozy

Oh hey, it’s the big cuddling clip! Robbe and Sander goof off, pillow fight, smoke a joint, make out. Mostly make out. Sander shows Robbe a sketch of him (Robbe) and implies how good it would look on a wall (big).

Robbe’s fave actor is Leonardo DiCaprio, because hasn’t Sander seen Romeo + Juliet? It’s fucking beautiful.

Man, on the one hand, sick Skam reference, and it’s just a simple, cute little nod to OG, not something complicated. I can dig that. But on the other hand, now I’m annoyed at how Isak got all of this beautiful development and watching R+J actually meant something for his character, and Robbe has absolutely nothing like that. Stuff like the fact it’s Robbe who likes R+J instead of Sander, WHICH IS FINE, but like … doesn’t say anything about Robbe’s view on masculinity or w/e, doesn’t do much for his characterization.

Sander takes pics of Robbe. Their chemistry is cute. Once again I despair at gifted actors being given subpar material leading up to this clip.

LMAO at them copying the dialogue from OG, Sander being all life is like a movie. Again, irrationally annoyed because this dialogue MEANT something to Even. Even was a huge film buff and an aspiring director. Sander hasn’t mentioned movies at all, he’s into art and David Bowie and photography. So why not have Sander quote some Bowie lyrics that explain his thoughts on life? Mention what art means to him? Personalize this dialogue so that it’s specific to Sander. Or, if you’re going to borrow this chunk of dialogue, at least establish Sander as a film enthusiast prior to this clip.

Also that Isak brought up the multiverse theory because he was smart and inquisitive, but I have no idea who the fuck Robbe is. Does this make sense with Robbe’s prior characterization? Shrug.

I do like the multiverse reference to Spider-Man because HELL YEAH Into the Spider-Verse!!! Fucking masterpiece! I could be watching that for the 20th time instead of the upcoming gay-bashing hate crime.

I do like Sander’s acting in this scene and his reaction, how the music (“Ocean Eyes”) stops when Sander starts talking about multiverse theory. His dialogue is a little different here than OG, about thinking about what he’s done and wondering why he thinks something, his thoughts never stop, which fits in with bipolar disorder.

Robbe notices he’s a little agitated, Sander says the only way to stop your thoughts is from dying. So I guess we’re putting in the suicidal thoughts in this version?

“Sometimes I forget how young you are.” Are they the same age in this version? Lmao. It’s a joke so it’s not a big deal.

Robbe starts kissing him and asks when Sander fell for him. Sander is like, before you! When Robbe was spraying the graffiti he knew Robbe was the one. Robbe is like … you were there??

I mean. this is cute and all, but doesn’t it kinda take away from later events, if Sander goes back to Britt, then like … knowing Sander has been Pining All Along should create way less doubt in Robbe’s mind? When Even went back to Sonja, there was room for actual doubt in Isak’s mind (and the audience’s) about the sincerity of Even’s feelings. I think people forgot that the “I saw you the first day of school” moment at the end of the season��was a surprise. I was in the fandom and I don’t think a lot of people thought Even had fallen for Isak that early. So Robbe now knows that Sander fell for him well before they even talked, doesn’t that remove some of the tension about Sander’s motives? I suppose it depends on how the story goes from here, but if it’s similar to OG, then I think it slightly lessens the ambiguity and tension.

Also, another reason why it would have been good to actually see the graffiti scene play out in episode 1… and to see what Robbe tagged on the wall … come on. COME ONNNN. Let’s see what got Sander’s attention! Did Robbe create something funny or clever or insightful? Wouldn’t that have been a great detail to show their connection? This is basic storytelling, hello?

I guess if I’m being fair, we don’t know exactly what Even saw in Isak that first day of school, either. But then again, we didn’t see the first day of school in a clip, while we definitely saw the graffiti scene. Just a missed opportunity, IMO.

They kiss and Sander gets a text from Britt. According to Sander, he told Britt about him and Robbe, but she doesn’t believe him, which is what I assumed of Sonja too, btw. At least, that’s what I thought at Emma’s party where she initiated the kiss with Even. Sander says Britt is so controlling. Robbe seems uncertain.

Sander says there’s probably another universe where Sander is still with Britt, but he’s glad to be in this universe. I do like this part.

Clip 11 - Milan schools Robbe on Pride

Robbe’s alarm goes off in the morning. He smiles a bit, though, presumably because he’s got Sander in his life. He gets a good morning text from Sander, which is cute and makes him smile more. Goes into the bathroom and Milan is there. Sander texts Robbe that he’s been thinking about him in all universes, Robbe is happy.

Milan is like, when can I meet your boyfriend??? Robbe says soon. Awww, this interaction is pretty sweet. Milan is like, welcome to the club! You know, “our” club meaning dudes who like dudes.

Robbe is like, just because I’m with Sander doesn’t mean I belong to some club, I’m not like you. Milan is like … and how am I? Robbe gives the usual Isak-ish response of dressing up and talking about BJs, Milan gets upset. Robbe says there’s nothing wrong with being gay but when people think of being gay, they think of that and it’s not fair to those who aren’t like that. Robbe’s not going to put on leather pants and dance at pride just because he likes Sander!

Milan gets very upset and goes into the Pride speech. I always appreciate this scene and I’m grateful that it’s one thing the remakes don’t really fuck with, since it’s so important (I think the remakes all recognize that it’s amazing, heh).

Senne wanting to use the bathroom is kind of a jarring thing, they should’ve just let the moment sink in.

Robbe takes a Good Hard Look at himself in the mirror which is on the nose but like, better than nothing. I think there was a mirror earlier in the season? I confess that I’m so hung up on the basic writing fumbles that I might be missing stuff that’s actually supposed to be symbolic.

Anyway, all things considered, I think they did fine with this clip. Robbe coming out to Milan earlier in the episode did help pave the way for this talk since they didn’t have the close relationship as Isak and Eskild. Like, any issues I might have with it are related to the bigger issues in the season, but on its own, I felt like it was decent, and the “welcome to the club” comment is something I can believe Milan would say and something that would make Robbe reply with a boneheaded comment.

Clip 12 - This fucking scene

Robbe and Sander flirt in a bar and get touchy-feely with each other. For some baffling choice, we start with some rap/hip-hop song and then it cuts to “Two Men In Love” by The Irrepressibles … like … you could just start the clip with that song instead of this weird non-transition?

They kiss and then move outside the bar and then kiss and cuddle some more (again … I ask, where did Robbe’s boldness with gay PDA come from ...) Robbe jumps on Sander for a piggyback ride. They kiss passionately in the street.

Ahahahahahahahahah HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAA FUCK YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

Some homophobes spot them and call them slurs. Robbe and Sander try to grab their bikes and quickly leave. The bigots manage to grab them and beat the shit out of them. It’s really brutal, like we get POV shots from the ground as the guys kick them. The guys call them f****ts once more before leaving Robbe and Sander crumpled on the ground in the fetal position. The wheels on the bike go round and round.

I mean … where do you even start.

OK, I’ll start here: worst decision made in a Skam S3 remake yet.

“Yeah, Skam season 3 was a masterpiece and all, but you know what I could have used more of? Violent gay-bashing,” said no one ever.

I don’t get triggered by media, not really, but boy am I glad I was spoiled for this. Because I do get fucking angry at media. And I’m angry now, but if I was watching this unspoiled? Man, I would’ve popped a couple of blood vessels. And I feel so, so sorry for people who watched this unprepared and were triggered. Because yeah, it is a remake and not 100% like the original, you can’t predict everything that will happen. But this isn’t something that you expect in S3, because you expect the writers to know enough to leave this shit out. This isn’t made with kind intentions for the audience, it’s made for shock value.

Consider that the WHOLE POINT of this very, very short clip is the hate crime, btw. It’s like two minutes long! They dropped a clip just for a cute kissing montage and then to interrupt it with a brutal beating! Something about that makes it even more repugnant than if it were like … a long involved scene about something else, and this happened. IDK, something about it feels even more tasteless, like this beating is their cinematic setpiece.

The first-person POV of the beating = not necessary. Like of ALL the fucking times in your season to actually give a shit about the importance of POV, lmao. This isn’t a video game. I’m not shooting zombies or getting jumped by bandits.

Remember when Skam faded to black on Noora’s blackout? And cut away from Even walking naked out of the hotel? Yeah, there are plot and POV reasons for those, but they were also ways to respect the audience and not include pointlessly triggering, exploitative material.

There’s just so much to say about this bad choice that I’m at a loss. Why did we need to go here? In particular, why did we need to go here knowing how the rest of the season plays out? Because for me, that’s what clinches this as a terrible decision. This isn’t a shitty scene with a satisfying follow-up. The resolution - or non-resolution, as it turns out - of this plot development is what exposes wtFOCK’s true character.

There is an AMAZING Evak vid set to Two Men In Love and I recommend you watch it to get the bad taste out of your mouth from this scene.

HOW I WOULD REWRITE THIS EPISODE:

Sigh.

This is just textbook bad writing for coming out stories, not to mention packed full of tired cliches.

Closeted gay guy is violently homophobic (Robbe calls his love interest homophobic slurs and accuses him of being a pervert) - I’m sorry but I am so tired of the “dating your bully” trope and this is what it fell into for me. Why should Sander take back Robbe after that? After Sander told Robbe he was afraid no one would ever love him?

Gay-bashing For The Drama, to make sure you know homophobia is bad, really bad.

Overemphasis on the heterosexual love interest (“love interest”) and how it’s hurtful to her, like I get that it’s a delicate topic with not demonizing her, but I always feel like there is SO much interest on straight characters in these stories! It’s not about them!

The hate crime has to go. Really. What is even the POINT of it in this particular story? As if there wasn’t enough angst in S3? Especially if you consider: they wasted a few episodes on repetitive nonsense. Their pacing is fucked up. And now you have to insert this monumentally offensive storyline and its fallout into a season already full of problems? Next.

Okay, I will offer ONE way to incorporate the hate crime, and that is simple: Make the rest of the season about the fallout. Similar to Noora’s season with her assault, dive deep into the trauma, spend a few episodes with Robbe and Sander recovering, telling their friends about it, going to the police about it. Cut back on other drama from S3. Don’t fuck around with Sander going back to Britt, unless you tie it in directly to him being afraid to date a guy after the hate crime. Don’t fuck around with Noor outing Robbe considering he has enough shit on his plate. If you want to bring her back, make her support him through the trauma. Honestly? Don’t fuck around with the hotel incident. Like I truly hate to lose Sander’s mental illness as a vital part of the season, but adding a full-blown manic episode on top of gay-bashing is way too much misery porn. I think you could probably show how the hate crime and resulting trauma affect Sander’s mental state without pushing it into full-blown wandering the streets naked while manic.

Do I particularly like this plot? I mean, no, not compared to the original, and I feel like this is better off as its own thing rather than a S3 adaptation. But at the very least, I can see the attempt to take the hate crime seriously. You cannot just throw in this type of scenario to shake things up and leave it at that. This show is specifically made for teenagers, to take their struggles seriously and to give them positive examples of how to handle problems. If you prioritize the violent act itself because it’s dramatic and shocking, rather than the recovery (because that’s like, boring and uninteresting, amirite), then you’ve shown your ass. You don’t understand the purpose or the appeal of Skam in the first place.

Jumping ahead, I think this is exactly where wtFOCK exposes its true intentions. wtFOCK does not care about helping vulnerable teenagers find solutions to tough problems. wtFOCK does not care about healing or educating. wtFOCK is about shaking the audience so hard that viewers get whiplash. If wtFOCK gave a shit about helping the audience, the rest of the season would focus on Robbe and Sander dealing with the assault, giving them options to report it, showing them ways to cope with the trauma. Things that might help audience members who unfortunately also found themselves victims of hate crimes or homophobic violence. Those are not present in the rest of the season. It’s just a fucking soap opera.

If you MUST have a homophobic incident to go with your dark ‘n’ edgy season, you can still limit it to some assholes yelling homophobic slurs without resorting to violence. That’s bad enough, and it did happen to Isak and Even later in the series. Even if you decide you MUST have a violent angle to this incident for whatever reason, I don’t fucking know why but OK, you don’t need to film it in this super exploitative manner where our heroes are getting viciously beaten on the ground. But there are so many ways to incorporate external homophobia without this shit.

Wouldn’t this dreadful scene make more sense at least if it had happened after the pool kiss? Like they go out a few days later, the hate crime happens, and then THAT’s why Robbe pushes away Sander and calls him names? Because now he’s afraid and he’s internalized what the bigots said? It’s tragic and gross, but at least there’s some character-driven logic in that sequence of events.

Another thing that really doesn’t work is that they’re straying so far from the original script, but at the same time they keep jamming in scenes from the original, except there isn’t the same buildup. Or any buildup, sometimes. This results in an incoherent mess of a season and of a POV character, where Robbe is part-Robbe, part-Isak.

I think all the remakes do this to a degree: there are certain beats they feel they must hit, and they hit them even though they’re off course. You need to commit either to doing a mostly faithful adaptation of the original, or to doing a remake with your own spin on the characters, but you need to be very, very careful not to just haplessly mix ‘n’ match the two. Does a scene from OG make sense within this remake universe? No? Then drop it, rewrite it, do what you need to do, just don’t carelessly recreate it if it doesn’t fit.

The way they’re writing Jens is bizarre because he seems to care enough about Robbe to ask him how he’s doing, but also not care enough to stick around and listen once the next shiny thing comes along. From the beginning they’ve set up the friendship tension with the boy squad as not just Robbe’s fault, but as a failure of his friends to pay attention as well. Like in the first episode Robbe is trying to talk to them and they just ditch him! They really need to make Jens more aware of how he himself has messed up with his friend, and not act like this is all Robbe’s doing.

We don’t need another Noor blue balls scene, thank you, bye. But if we keep this one, then we absolutely needed to see what exactly made Robbe stop in the act of sex with her, such as him flashing back to his kiss with Sander. Or even just letting us see him make the decision, because goddamn, what’s with wtFOCK not letting this young actor actually act out some of the meatiest material?

Overall, give Robbe more baby steps in his personal development, and not unbelievable leaps and changes in his behavior because the plot demands them.

I did try to think of a way to incorporate much of the same material from this week, including a hate crime, in a way that made more sense and was not ridiculously OTT or offensive. It’s hard because I really think you need to go back to the beginning of the season, but here’s what I came up with, borrowing some elements from the last episode as well.

Robbe wakes up the night after kissing Sander. He’s happy and glowing, he sees a cute text from Sander and smiles. Then he goes to the kitchen and Milan is there with a black eye or something, he’s talking to Zoë and Senne, maybe they’re tending to his injuries. Robbe asks what happened. Milan had a date last night and some homophobes started giving them a hard time, Milan wasn’t having it, punches were thrown. Milan is very shaken and upset. So is Robbe, who panics. Is this what he has to look forward to if he’s dating a gay? Will people harass him just for being out with his boyfriend? The implications of what it means to be a gay person in this world hit him really hard. He looks at Sander’s text again and ignores him and possibly blocks him. At some point we will establish that Robbe is also ignoring texts/calls from everyone else, too: Noor, Jens, his mom...

Sander shows up the next day outside Robbe’s place after Robbe has been ignoring him. He tries to talk to Robbe, but Robbe is freaked out and visibly nervous, his eyes darting around - he’s paranoid now about being seen with Sander, due to Milan’s incident. He’s worried about being a target for homophobic violence, understandably so. Sander doesn’t realize that Robbe’s frightened, however, and keeps talking and being nice. Robbe tries to play off the other night as just him being drunk, it was a mistake. When Sander physically gets too close to Robbe, Robbe yells that he’s not gay and runs inside, leaving Sander alone.

Robbe encounters Milan at home alone. Milan is still bruised from the homophobic incident. Milan is unusually subdued. Robbe says he’s sorry for what happened to Milan, it’s terrible. Robbe then sticks his foot in his mouth by saying something well-intentioned but hurtful and ignorant about how maybe Milan shouldn’t be so gay in public or w/e, since that will just attract homophobes, and that not all gay people act like Milan (meaning flamboyant, etc.) Milan gets really, really upset and snaps at Robbe about how gay people have been beaten and killed for just being who they are - basically a version of the Pride speech with a somewhat different context - and that it takes bravery and strength, Robbe doesn’t know what the fuck he’s talking about. So that ends on a bad note for them.

Now trying to get out of the house since he’s fought with Milan, Robbe meets up with Jens, or maybe Jens finds him at the park or whatever. Jens comments on how it’s been a while since they’ve talked. Robbe says he was just worried about what the guys would say since he blew up at them previously. Jens is like, dude, we’re your friends. You have to talk to the people who care about you, you can’t just ghost them and avoid facing your problems. Robbe takes this advice to heart. Jens tells Robbe that he’s ready to listen when Robbe wants to talk. Maybe Robbe sees something that reminds him of Sander, like graffiti on a building, and despite his fears, we can see that he really misses Sander, and that his feelings for Sander are stronger than his fears.

Next he meets up with Noor. She’s really upset that he’s been ignoring her. He apologizes and a version of the breakup scene goes down. When Robbe leaves, we see him walk away with a conflicted expression. Sorry that he’s hurt Noor, but understanding that this was the right call, and relief that he doesn’t have to pretend any more.

Robbe sees Milan again and apologizes for what he said last time. Milan accepts his apology. Robbe admits that he’s been confused lately because he likes a guy and he doesn’t know what that makes him. Milan says something like that’s great Robbe likes a guy and that Robbe doesn’t need to label himself right now, he should just follow his heart. Maybe that liking boys is scary (Milan points to his black eye) and sometimes you need to be careful, but at the end of the day, Milan has to be himself and live his life honestly, and so does Robbe. After Milan leaves, Robbe takes out his phone and texts Sander saying he wants to talk.

Sander meets Robbe somewhere and Robbe apologizes for ignoring him, says he freaked out because that was the first time he kissed a guy, but now he’s made up his mind that he wants to be with Sander. They kiss and make up, yayyyyy.

This is by no means a perfect solution (like the thought of then going into the shit with Britt next episode on top of this makes my head hurt), this is just an attempt to include stuff like homophobic violence, Robbe’s ghosting Sander, scenes with Jens and Noor, etc. in a way that makes a little more linear sense to me and doesn’t feel as haphazard, and isn’t super triggering or exploitative. I think if you have a hate crime happening to Robbe himself, that really needs to be the main focus from here on out, for at least a few episodes; if you have something off-screen happening to another character, you can address the topic of violent homophobia without having it dominate the season or featuring triggering scenes. And hopefully it would still have some emotional impact, because we see how it affects Milan, and some clear consequences for character development, because we see how it affects Robbe, as the situation he may find himself in one day.

If I missed anything, cultural notes, translation nuances, let me know!

#wtfock reactions

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welllpthisishappening · 4 years ago

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Okay can we talk about ACOSF???? Bc on booktok all I’m seeing is so much negativity about how people don’t like feysand or don’t like nesta but?? I read this book, loved it, thought nesta grew SO much and we got to see feysand from a different POV which gave them depth! Plus a baby!!! I can talk about it forever

We can absolutely talk about ACOSF. I have thoughts, feelings, opinions and this is going to get long. And, uh, any of those super negative critiques:

Alright, alright, alright, so initial feelings? I enjoyed it a lot. Like, way more than I thought I would honestly because going in I was like eh, Nessian, but I loved Nesta’s character development and the flirt-to-roast ratio with her and Cassian and every single time Cassian called her Nes or God help me ARCHERON, my soul reached another plane of existence. Don’t even get me started on that one time she called him General. The noise I made was not audible to human ears.

That said, there were some parts that I was like: oh ok, that’s happening. So, because I cannot function without organization, let’s break down some of the major things that happened into a LIST WITH OPINIONS ATTACHED

Sexual Tension Fucking fuck, these two idiots. Pining after each other while both desperately wanting someone, anyone, to be like — please stay in bed and cuddle me all night?!?! Idiots. Both of them flush with power and the ability to make people legit terror before them and they’re so goddamn soft with each other. Which is kind of hysterical because they are also able to rip each other to shreds? Oh my God, some of those fight scenes, I just—my heart was in my throat. And I do not want to hear a single word of how CASSIAN IS MEAN TO NESTA? Were we reading the same book, internet? Bro is In Love. From the G E T.

Which leads us to—

S O L S T I C E God, rip my romantic-loving heart out of my body. Learning what was in the box from the solstice before made me screech and then the music. THE MUSIC. Can we talk about Cassian, feared general, dude who has canonically lost track of how many people he has killed, cornering an ENTIRE ORCHESTRA to recreate music for Nesta? I just—f u c k. It was a lot. A lot. And then we circle back around to how soft they were and there’ll never be another and I am going to have to pace around a bit. I loved it. I love them. I nearly screamed when it took Nesta a few more chapters to realize it was a mating bond, and then Cassian just bolted because he also couldn’t quite deal with it, and I am still not super sold on the mating bond, like, as a thing, but I kind of went into this book pretty certain this was going to happen, so...good. Also them arguing by the Sidra, oof.

There was a lot of sex in this book. I knew there was going to be a lot of sex in this book. I must have told my husband four different times, “God, there is a lot of sex in this book.” Some of it was good. Some of it was kind of cloying in its descriptions. I genuinely lol’ed at Nesta fantasizing about being straight up railed by both Cassian and Azriel. (Why was that in there? Still don’t really know, felt a lot like very obvious fan service, but it was also kind of hysterical.)

JEALOUSY DIDN’T MAKE ME WANT TO RIP MY EYES OUT I hate jealousy plots. HATE THEM. It’s one of my biggest pet peeves in relationship writing, but I was super into it here??? Cassian cutting in on the dance and TAKING DANCING LESSONS. It was good. I enjoyed it.

Nesta’s Power Yo. YO. This was really cool. She was terrifying and out of control, while also learning how to be in control and intimidating and I was like YES, GET IT. When Rhys flew into the House and Nesta was just wrapped in silver flames, that was super cool. Also Rhys being freaked out by her? Kind of bad ass, honestly. But. But! I wish it was explored even more. I wish we got to learn what she could really do and the extent to which she could do it, because I thought it was a fascinating possibility to parallel Nesta to Feyre and I don’t really think we got that. Like, Feyre Cursebreaker — with power given from all the High Lords, this bringer of new life and a fresh start for all the courts. Then her sister — with power stolen from the Cauldron itself and death at her fingertips. With all the comparisons of Feyre and Nesta, I really figured we’d be gunning towards that eventually ESPECIALLY with Feyre being pregnant, and the idea of life in that capacity. Also, what was the point of Lucien saying “Gods help you all” or whatever he said when he was watching Nesta train if...nothing ever really came from that? We’ll circle back around to that in a second, during what will be my ending-based soliloquy, but first let’s talk about—

Feyre Being Pregnant, Why That Kind of Felt Like Twilight and Why I Get Why Rhys Was Being an Idiot Listen, part of the reason I wanted to read this book was for what I assumed would be the Feysand crumbs we’d get. Most of me was convinced that this book would not take place in Velaris and I was mentally prepared for that. Color me pleasantly surprised when it wasn’t and we got an IC feast. But. But! Part two! I’ve mentioned how I’m never really here for...pregnancy being like this ultimate endgame, and I understand why Feysand wanted a kid and I get it, I do. Just the whole thing with she’s going to DIE felt very Bella Swan, was kind of dramatic in mela-sort of way and I TOTALLY GET WHY RHYS KEPT THE WINGS A SECRET. Was it idiotic? Yeah, of course. But I don’t think we talk about his trauma enough, really. Those fifty years under the Mountain are not just gong to disappear, and I cannot really blame him for totally losing his mind at even the idea of Feyre dying. This is not a dude who is trying to control Feyre. I’ve never felt that way about Rhys. At all. This is a dude who has already lost ALL of HIS control and is desperately trying to hang on. He’s already had his entire world shattered six ways to Sunday, this was obviously going to destroy him. Aside from, y’know, straight up killing him too. (That was dumb, guys.) And I think telling Feyre would have made it REAL for Rhys, which he obviously could not cope with. Was I surprised that Feyre’s pregnancy was such a big plot point in a book that was supposed to be super Nessian focused? Yeah, for sure. But also—I like established relationships and Feyre and Rhys could not stop making eyes at each other. Not totally here for the deadly pregnancy trope, not totally here for using family as a trauma recovery, but sort of understand it.

Training, Valkyries and Friendship Bracelets Like I said, I thought this book was gong to take place in the Illyrian camps way more than it did, but I L O V E D the training sessions. Adored Nesta, Emerie and Gwyn’s friendship and how often they teamed up to snark Cassian and Azriel. I was painfully here for all three of them together and the sleepover in the House warmed the cockles of my cold, dead heart. Especially when the bracelets proved so important during the Blood Rite. Which—let’s talk about the Blood Rite. Didn’t expect that!! Was pleasantly surprised by that!! Nesta drawing the literal line in the dirt made me fist pump the air. (And is another parallel to Feyre and her taking inspiration from old Fae legends, but that’s neither here nor there, whatever I’m not here to harp on missed opportunity.) I thought it was really important that all three of them got to showcase their own power too, and how they worked SO WELL together and I was just really glad that there was such focus on this sisterhood outside of literal sisterhood. I thought those relationships were so well done and it was just such a joy to read about their growth and strength and I loved them. Am I here for Gwyn and Azriel? Maybe. Possibly more here for Emerie and Mor? Maybe maybe.

The House I thought it was Amren, for a very long time. Like secretly helping Nesta still and I was really into that idea and really into Amren not being able to totally let Nesta go and I wasn’t really into Nesta bowing to Amren.

THE ENDING Oh my God, so much happened. So quickly. With some occasionally jarring scene cuts. The Blood Rite surprised me, but I was not surprised by Cassian getting ensnared by the crown. Fully expected something like that to happen, was still making ridiculous noises when he tried to turn the dagger on himself instead of killing Nesta. LOST MY MIND WHEN NESTA UNMADE THE QUEEN. I’m still sort of...confused about the Trove, though. I know there are a fair number of hanging plot threads that are gong to lead into other stories, but I just—I don’t know, when they were talking about the High King and everything I sort of thought they were leading towards Nessian being that. I know the whole IC was very into Rhys and thematically it made sense, but also let’s consider—I don’t want that? Rhys needs to get his shit in order and his own Court to calm the fuck down and again I think the potential for LORD OF THE BASTARDS and LADY DEATH to ascend to this position of power and lead the world into this new era was there and I just, I don’t know, I liked the idea of it. Particularly when so many people have referred to Nesta as a Queen. That whole thing in the prison happened, y’know? I’m not sure (read: I’m fairly positive) that won’t happen now, especially because Nesta gave up so much of her power to save Feyre. And I know that’s a TALKING POINT™ but also...I was pretty cool with that? Once it came out that Feyre was going to die, it made sense that Nesta would be the one to save her—to twist death again, and kind of seize control of it. Granted, I’m still a little confused by the Trove and what everyone’s going to do with all that power, but Nesta saving Feyre was this perfect sort of wrap up. For me, at least. I think they balance each other out in a lot of respects, and that was really the last step of Nesta’s growth. Also, uh, back on my Feysand ‘ish and Rhys screaming and crying and trying to get to Feyre? o o o f. Also, also, RHYS BOWING TO NESTA. I CANNOT TELL YOU THE LAST TIME I CRIED AT A BOOK, BUT I CRIED AT THIS BOOK. RHYS, BABY, I ADORE YOU.

Nesta Finding Herself I just really—liked it. I think sometimes in these sorts of stories we get people who are so focused on characters being “the bitch” and having an edge and we have a tendency to think that’s what makes them STRONG. Nah, that ain’t it, son. I don’t want to read about someone being a dick just for sake of being a dick. Nesta was NOT IN A GOOD PLACE. She was self-imploding and destroying herself and getting her POV made it blatantly clear that she thought she deserved that. That she truly believed she didn’t deserve anyone else. And as much as the romance was good and the friendships were fantastic, the key to this story was Nesta (as cheesy as it sounds) learning to love herself. To find worth in her own self. Reading about Nesta simply learning to want to live again, for no one except herself, was really, really good and I think, for the most part, well done. Which is why it makes sense that Nesta gives up some of her power. This isn’t about being A BAD BITCH, PATENT PENDING. This is about love, and joy and embracing your own faults. I get the disappointment over Nesta losing her power. I do. But I’m not sure she totally did? Maybe that’s too positive, or too naive, or something, but...whatever.

Other things that I really enjoyed, include but are not limited to: Cassian having allergies Nesta absolutely decimating Tamlin. And Tamlin’s just like...a lion all the time now, huh? And, uh, also is Tamlin Gwyn’s dad??? Like, is that a thing? Am I crazy? Nesta telling Elain to fuck off (Also, Elain—darling, I wish you got more character development. Elain is to SJM what Belle is to me in CS fic. Sometimes I think she just forgets about her.) Azriel calling out Cassian for getting BLOWN at the dining room table Azriel getting Nesta a Solstice gift and then THEY HUGGED Nesta wanting an over the top mating ceremony. Get it, girl. Feyre going full on Court of Nightmares in the Hewn City Nesta making it down the steps

Other things I thought we’d get more of and just...didn’t Whatever the fuck Lucien has been up to, and more on the continent with Vassa and Juran More stuff in Illyria Reaction to the trio in the Blood Rite Amren and Nesta reconciling. I know Nesta apologized, but Amren kind of got on my nerves. Nesta understandably criticizing the IC and their tendency to get a little sanctimonious. THREE SISTER PEAKS. THREE BAT BOYS. THREE VALKYRIE. WHAT IS IT SARAH? WHAT DOES IT MEAN?

#acosf #acosf spoilers #nessian #a court of silver flames #a court of silver flames spoilers #oh my god this is so long #i'm really not here for the negativity #so i will not engage with that #stealing-vengence #laura rambles #laura reads books

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queenharumiura · 4 years ago

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((H.A.R.U))

Taken from meme: [x] ||Accepting|| ((Oh Kiki, I see what you did, you beautiful bean))

H - What is your favorite source text for fandom stuff (e.g., TV shows, movies, books, anime, Western animation, etc.)?

A - Ships that you currently like a lot. (They don’t have to be OTPs because not everyone has OTPs.) Friendships, pairings, threesomes, etc. are allowed.

R - Which friendship/platonic relationship is your favorite in fandom?

[x] - Answered here ; As a bonus, i’ll answer A and R in regards to the Inuyasha fandom bc we’re both in it. He is coming into a friendly relation with Margaret (OC) which is great. IDK what he’d be with Elena, but realistically, I think it would maybe be a friendship of sorts? I think that covers that. I don’t have any ships that are official in threads. However, I do think our Kikyo and Sesshomaru would eventually get down to being a ship.

In fandom, I support Inuyasha/Kagome and Sango/Miroku as it’s canon. In regards to what I like, I do like Sesshomaru/Kagome and Sesshomaru/Kikyo (GET FUCKING REKTED INUYASHA! Don’t be mistaken, I love Inuyasha but I am biased). Sesshomaru and Kagura would be an interesting dynamic to explore more on. I think I’ve seen people state Sesshomaru already loved Kagura when she died and I just-- don’t feel the vibe tbh. I personally think he would’ve needed more time to come to terms with such an emotion. I think it was interest, respect, and familiarity at best at that time. Anyways, I think their dynamic would be very fun as a ship. I’ve seen Sesshomaru and Sango as well and i’m like LE KEK, SURE WHY NOT? Me casually making my muses a ship magnet in fandom? Yes. In RPC? LOL SHIP? Can I eat that?

U - Three favorite characters from three different fandoms, and why they’re your favorites.

Oof- Okay... uh... I’ll avoid the fandoms i muse for to try to make this more original.

Trash of the Count’s Family

Cale- I am biased, I love the main character, obviously. I just really like Cale. He has some sassy thoughts in his head and I LIVE for that. Additionally, I just find him to be fascinating as a character. I can’t really go into it because it goes into severe spoiler territory, but basically, the way he was integrated into the world he was isekai’ed into is so fascinating to me, especially when you realize there is more to this isekai than we, the readers, are initially led to believe. In regards to emotions, he’s more stagnant than I’m used to in a lot of characters I like, but I don’t hate it? Rather, it fits him well. He’s an ‘unlucky’ dude and I laugh at his misfortune. When you consider angst material—Ohhhh CHEF KISS.

Alberu- BIG BROTHER CROWN PRINCE ALBERU!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love him so much. AHHHHHH He’s such a fun character to me. This sly Prince. He really does care a lot about Cale and it makes me cry. He takes his role as a Prince seriously and puts so much care into the common-folk and he doesn’t discriminate against those of the dark species (Necromancers, dark elves, vampires, etc) which is almost unheard of especially since the most prominent religions are those of the Light. He has a reason for it which I won’t spoil. AHHHH I love him. //sob

Raon Miru- BABY DRAGON!!!!!!! The cutest lil thing who I love to pieces. He was introduced as an abused baby and it hurts me to think about. He hates humans but he sticks around Cale because he’s the human that saved him from being tortured daily. He slowly becomes acclimated to being around humans and grows to trust some. He still hates humans but the ones he’s close to aren’t ‘humans’. They are ‘his people’. I cry. This all-mighty dragon is amazing and can do everything. Bow before his might. I love him. Fite me.

Legend of the Sun Knight

(Lesus) Judgement Knight- Okay, he’s not the main character, but--!!! He’s great. Even though he’s supposed to be at odds with the Sun Knight as they embody different philosophies, they are actually the best of friends in secret. He deals with a lot of Grisia’s (Sun Knight) BULLSHIT, getting him out of trouble. His dynamic with Grisia is just hilarious to me. He’s a calm and collective type. Very serious, not very talkative. He’s the head of the ‘cold-faction’ and his role is to punish sinners in grotesque ways so many fear him but HE’S. A. GOOD. BOI!!!!!!! He just—is so dedicated to his role but mostly Grisia, his best-friend-who-is-not-his-friend. I’M CRY.

(Grisia) Sun Knight- The actual main character of the series. He’s so… HE’S AN INSUFFERABLE LIL TWAT—BUT I LOVE HIM. So sassy and just a lil shit in general. He’s very clever and he’s also what you could consider a genius. I love competency, mmm. He’s HELLA petty. To put it simply, he’s the Sun Knight, who is like the head of the Sun Church. You could say he’s the leader of an entire religion, who worship the God of Light. (If you ever see me type OMGOL, it’s bc I’m typing Oh My God of Light. Fax) There are select knights who are spokespeople for the church and he’s the head of them. All such knights are considered to be ‘brothers’ and he’s very protective of them all. Princess? King? Liche? The world? He don’t give any flying fucks. You touch his knights and he’ll get revenge. BET. I love that level of savagery.

(Neo) Sun Knight- I must say, he doesn’t show up much, but he is just //chef kiss. The special knights I mentioned earlier are roles that get passed down to a new generation. There are 12 in total, and the Sun Knight is the topmost knight. Neo Sun is said to be the best knight in HISTORY aside from the original. His sword skills are legendary and he raised Grisia, the… uh… ‘weakest’ Sun Knight in history. He’s the weakest in sword skill and horse riding skill, but Grisia is the strongest when it comes to magic proficiency. Just Neo’s name can send Grisia into a panic. He is somewhat of a Father for Grisia. A scary one, but one that Grisia cares deeply for. The sacrifices that Neo has made for Grisia is just //sob. He and Lesus both have done so much for Grisia behind the scenes and I’m just--- //cries harder.

The King’s Avatar

Ye Xiu- He is the main character of this novel and ughhh I love him so much. He too, IS A LIL SHIT!!!! He is so insufferable sometimes to his opponents and I LOVE IT. He’s very smart and skilled in what he does. He’s a professional gamer and I don’t understand a thing about games but I only need to know that he’s wicked good lol. He’s very dedicated to Glory, the game that he was a professional gamer for. He kinda… got ousted out by the team he FOUNDED. He says that he’ll get back into the professional association and take another championship. The novel centers around him and you watch as he sets out to complete a specific goal in mind in honor of a certain someone.

Huang Shaotian- A talkative dumbass. I love him. He is such PUPPY ENERGY. He bothers Ye Xiu a lot with his highkey energy. He’s extremely talented and he is known for his trash talking. He talks ridiculously fast and he’s just so--- insufferable in another way lol. I love him for it. He doesn’t always think before he talks and it gets him into trouble. Even though they are on opposing teams, he is quite fond of Ye Xiu and after finding out Ye Xiu suddenly retired (ie he was forced out of his team), he was very concerned for him. He even travelled to come talk to him and do him a favor. He was like: Old Ye, if you ever need anything, just ask! I’ll help! THIS. GOOD. BOI!!!!!!!!!! He’s really just a big idiot sometimes. “Hey, Shaotian, where are you?” “Oh, I’m xxxxxx.” “Oh? That’s where a boss spawns. I’ll be there.” Who just—he legit just gave intel to Ye Xiu about a boss monster spawn to an enemy guild. He is just too honest and ready to answer to Ye Xiu. You can tell he really respects Ye Xiu despite what trash talk he spouts. Ye Xiu IS the God of Glory, after all.

Han Wenqing- IN COMING YE XIU’S OLD RIVAL FOR YEARS!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH They just--- I’M CRY. They have such history with each other, constantly butting head with each other in game/tournaments. They don’t have a dynamic where they look at each other and just cuss each other out or what have you. They genuinely respect each other and wouldn’t mind hanging out with each other in private. They are both captains of their own respective teams and the fans of their teams are mortal enemies lol. Han Wenqing and Ye Xiu are both older players and you really get to see the struggles older players face in the tough gaming industry. He’s a responsible captain and he is so respectable. He’s so great. I love him too. The dynamic he has with Ye Xiu is--- //crying

#Thecursedpriestess #meme answered #answered ask #thanks for the ask!#Neo speaks #((Phew! The last one took me a while to do))#((I omitted a lot obviously for spoiler reasons but AH!!!!!!!!!))#((I could go on for HOURS))

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everybodylovesrand · 5 years ago

Text

Raje Judkins answered some questions about the show. Filming spoilers for the show below:

Q: What part of the books should you be caught up on for the first season?

A: Depends on if you like to read something before you watch it or not.

Q: What are you finding most challenging about going from book to screen? A: The hardest thing is the physicality of production. In the first book alone they go to more than 20 villages and cities. To try to do that is physically impossible for the show, so most of the work we don in the room is geographical, figuring how to condense the story and move it through places we can physically create.

Q: Do you have a favorite chapter from the whole saga? Mine is Veins of Gold. A: So many. But Honey in the Tea is the one off the top of my head.

Q: We can’t wait to see Elayne, Aviendha and Min

A: Me either. Three of my favorites.

Q: Has any post-production work begun or does that not start until filming is completed?

A: Nope! We do it simultaneously. Before the corona hit, I was prepping 2 episodes, shooting 2 episodes, in post on 4 episodes and writing Season 2 simultaneously :-0

Q: Will there be a soundtrack? Who’s the composer? A: Of course! David Buckley. Plus a few incredible musical guests we’ve already had.

Q: Are Min/Elayne in season 1? A: The Wheel weaves as the wheel wills

Q: Are you going to merge Min and Elayne? A: Hell no

Q: First moment you were speechless on set? A: First time walking into Emond’s Field with my mom

Q: Is mat fluent in the old tongue yet? A: We’ve had a couple cast members speak in it already and they NAILED IT

Q: Which character has your favorite costume so far? A: Ooo this is tough. Probably Geofram Bornhald.

Q: How is the cast and crew weathering the pandemic? A: Our team in Prague did an amazing job of getting everyone out and keeping them safe. And now everyone’s home and we all live on Instagram.

Q: Who is your favorite Forsaken? A: Ahhh. I love the ladies. Graendal, Lanfear, Moghedien. And Ishamael holds a special place in my heart the more time I spend with him

Q: What’s been your favourite shooting location so far? A: Slovenia! Spectacular stuff there

Q: Yes or no. Have you had to make any cuts be it a scene or character, that has been painful for you? A: Yes.

Q: How are you planning to handle the visualization of the weaves? Any little tidbits? A: We are trying to stay as true to the books as possible. I’ve been giving a bunch of VFX folks long diatribes about channeling, weaves, threads, earth vs. air, etc and they early stuff has started coming in. It looks FUCKING AWESOME. I screamed when Rosamund started channeling

Q: Similar to Them performing in an old Inn, what other iconic moment filmed stands out to u? A: Rand and Tam walking through the Westwood

Q: Blink twice if Min is in season 1. A: 😉😉

Q: Will Jeff Probst be one of the Aiel? Can you make some calls? A: If he dyes his hair red 😉

Q: Which WOT book title best describes your self isolation experience? A: A Memory of Light…

Q: Can we expect a trailer for the show anytime soon? A: Probably not for a long while sadly.

Q: Can you guys do a big WoT Wed announcement during the hiatus to keep all us fans hyped instead of al A: Yea! It would cheer us all up and we have some fun news

Q: Is Lan going to be as much or an absolute stud in the show as he is in the books? A: You’ve seen @danielhenney right?

Q: If you were an Aes Sedai, what Ajah would you choose? A: Such a good question. They all have merits but GREEN for the win. If only to hang with @priyankabose20

Q: Will we have to wait till season 2 to see any Aiel? (Other than Rand)

A: Nope. And the one you see will shock you. Hah. Amazon shouldn’t let me be on here when I’ve been cooped up for a week.

Q: RJ writes a lot of internal headspace stuff. What’s 1 hint on how the show will handle that? A: That’s the biggest difficulty of any novel adaptation. Figuring out how to make the internal monologue come out clearly to the audience. A lot of the changes we make and stories we tell differently are designed to serve exactly that purpose – showing you what those characters internal monologues from the book are without them just saying it out loud in exposition

Q: Are you using taller actors to portray the Aiel, or camera trickery? A: Trying to get tall folks. But I’m less concerned with height and more concerned with acting ability.

Q: Since JordanCon was cancelled, can we maybe get an extra treat next month? A: Sure! What do you want?

Q: Do you have a favorite Wise One? A: Avi

Q: How many trollocs do I have to take out to become a writing assistant? A: Violence is never the answer

Q: What would you say the CGI to practical ratio is going to be? A: Tring to do as much in camera as we possibly can!

Q: How are you handling sword forms and their names? A: We have a for real sword master on the show who walks into every room and tests out everything as a weapon. He could most definitely kill me with any item in my office.

Q: How are the horses on set? Is Mandarb spectacular? A: They are so great. Honestly I love our horses. Mandarb and Aldieb are downright sexy

Q: When will we get more casting announcements to hold us over? A: I’ll try to get them to put out something soon. A lot of folks in all departments are affected by the state of the world right now though, so I can’t promise a timeline

Q: will we see the prologue from the Eye of the World on screen in season 1 A: You will hear that phrase

Q: What has been your favorite set so far? A: Fal Dara!

Q: Please tell me you’ve cut Narg!! A: Never!!

Q To what extent has Harriet McDougal been involved with the project? A: She’s a consulting producer so she’s been out to Prague to the sets and reads all the scripts and sends me her notes on them. She and Maria are hugely helpful for maintaining the truth of the series and always keep me honest when it comes to things that change too much

Q: Is any aspect of the show still in development, or has it all stalled because of the virus? A: A lot can be done virtually! I’m still doing VFX, editing and the Season Two Virtual Writers Room! And I can do it all in pajamas

Q: Will min, elayne, and avienda have to be combined into a single character?

A: Girl you crazy. I’m not going to combine huge characters like that. Maybe sometimes a minor character folded into a more major one to make better use of our cast but nothing nutso

Q: RJ created 1000’s of character. Given that did you feel the need to create new characters? A: Anyone “new” is inspired by characters in the books or a number of characters combined. If we paid to cast all speaking roles in the book we could only afford to have a radio play

Q: So far, what is your favorite prop in the show? A: Great Serpent Ring. We all want one.

Q: Will Loial portray the Ogier species, or will he be humanised for screen? A: He’s an Ogier!

Q: How involved, if involved at all, is Sanderson in the writers room? A: Brandon is hugely helpful. I talked to him before we started Season Two while he was in Prague to get advice and he reads all the scripts and gives notes. He’s incredibly thoughtful and understands the process of adaptation and what’s required from it. I feel so lucky to have him involved. I would have him do more if I could make him!

Q: What words of hope would you offer a fan afraid that the show will cut out a lot of content? A: I genuinely think we are cutting less than most people think. When I see people ask questions like “are you cutting Min?” It blows my mind. I don’t know how you do an adaptation without some of these characters. I think it’ll be more of the smaller stories you’ll miss. We can’t have Rand and May (sic) travel to many many inns on their travels across the countryside for instance. It’s just not producible. So that will be more of what you miss I think, and the books always exist to read for that 🙂

Q: I think Bella is such an important character, will the same horse play bella through the series A: We’ve already had to have two Belas. It turns out a horse for riding on film is not the same as a horse for pulling a cart and SHE MUST DO BOTH

Q: Can you please make sure you do a great job? Book are so great A: This is are a really good idea

Q: Now you’ve met them, settle the score: who’s better with women? Rand, Mat or Perrin? A: I think they’d all say it’s the other

Q: Will the show be understandable for those who didn’t read the books? A: That’s the idea. If there are little things they don’t get though, luckily google exists

Q: Who is your favorite Aes Sedai in the books? And you can’t say Moiraine/Siuan or the Wonder Girls A: So many rules. I honestly love all of them though (except Galina that bitch) Alanna Liandrin and Verin are probably my Top 3. And Siuan! There’s too many I love. Sheriam! Pevara!

https://www.wotseries.com/2020/03/22/show-runner-rafe-judkins-does-an-ama-on-instagram/

#Wheel of Time #The wheel of Time #Rafe Judkins #answers questions #WOTonPrime

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wistfulwisteriawitch · 4 years ago

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Arthur Morgan x Lilith Vallent OC: Vas Ura (My One)/ Vas Soluna (My Bonded) Part 01 Chapter 03: Colter

Part 01 Chapter 03: Colter

I managed to get myself set up, knowing we’d actually be going after John since he was still missing. Attaching the leather over bust corset riddled with knives as well as the leather leg guards I exhaled, it would be interesting to see what they thought of our way of doing things but they seemed rather accepting thus far.

And as we moved to go out, Abigale grabbed my sleeve. “Miss Vallent?”

“Yes Abigale?”

“John…”

“Oh the gentleman that you said was your sons father?”

“Yes…”

Arthur had walked into the room and was warming himself by the fire. “Where’s little John gotten off to?”

“Arthur he hasn’t been seen in a couple days, I fear the worst.”

“John is fine, he gets himself out of scrapes all the time.” Arthur huffed. "Granted he could throw himself on the ground and miss so that's a feat in and of itself."

I cocked a brow, “I’ll go find him.” I pat her arm, “I can track him.”

Arthur groaned, “I’ll go with ya.”

“How kind.” I grinned as I walked by, Hosea nudged me as I sidled by with a smirk and a whispered thank you.

“I’ll come too!” Javier noted. “John would do the same for me and Arthur.”

“Sure, might be good considering the wolves.”

“Wolves?” Javier asked as we mounted up.

I nodded, after ensuring I had everything needed including shotgun with slugs. “Yes, alright you two, flank me, head forward in a V position, and try to keep it unless we head up the mountain, in that case line up.” With that I spurred Luna into a gallop. “Let’s go! Belladonna shadow!”

“Aye Milady!” And with that her horse charged off into the wilderness.

“Shadow?” Arthur inquired as we moved at a quick pace.

“She’ll scout ahead, and send Aristotle if she finds something.”

“And that is—“ A screech above as a Ferrugius Hawk soared past.

“She is skilled in Falconry, her family learned for many years in her home country. Normally their line uses Peregrine, but him...he's been with Belladonna alone, and each member has their own Falcon breed. Birds like that are the largest of hawks to be used for Falconry. And he is quite protective. She found him in Mexico.”

“Ha!” Javier seemed a bit stunned, “you all keep surprising us.”

“We are a surprising people. Javi.” I managed to find John’s trail and exhaled, “fuck he went up the mountain.” Just like the game.

Arthur rolled his eyes, “just like him to have someone dig his ass out of snow.”

I sighed, “Arthur take the middle, Javier take the front, I’ll watch the back.” And with a chiding look as he glanced over his shoulder. “This is what family does.” I noted as we lined up and began to trek up the mountainside, myself taking the end. “Javier do you see where the trail picks up?”

“Yes, he headed up this way.”

“We’ll have to leave the horses.” Arthur noted and I agreed, we got off and began to make our way further along a cliffside. “John!” Javi shouted.

“HELP! DOWN HERE!”

With that I took off, making sure to keep my movements swinging forward to help me trudge through the snow faster. “Mister Marston?” I called finding him on the ledge. “Awe poor puppy.”

“Puppy?! Who in the fuck are you?”

“A friend. Hold the fuck still. We don’t need you bleeding and bringing a bear. Wolves are a pain in the ass enough.” I gathered what I needed from my satchel and made him down a few tonics and salved him up with an antiseptic solution of old mans beard and golden thread. “That will have to do for now, I’ll need to draw any infection out at the cabin. Alright, come on.” I gripped under his arm and hauled him up. “Arthur!”

They were there reaching for him, Arthur laughing, “well now Marston, looks like ya got yer head ate by wolves. How much’a yer brains did they get?”

“Shut up Morgan.”

“You gonna have to come up with a better story for those scars.”

“Getting half eaten by wolves ain’t enough?”

“We got company gentlemen!” I shouted, ”Javier, Arthur— get him to the horses!”

“I got you.” Arthur had one shot down in seconds as the others charged down the slope.”

“BELLA!” A shrill whistle as a large hawk circled over head and dove into the eyes of one of the wolves screeching.

A black streak of horse and woman charged forward from behind us as she leapt off it's back, her body clad in leather padding as she took the tackle of a she-wolf head on while I dodged and sliced a death blow to a jugular. “Come on ya wee bitch!” Bella roared plunging a blade into it’s throat.

Aristotle soared high, blood splattering from his talons and across his feathers as Bella let out a snarl of glee when the final wolf was downed by a blade thunked into it’s throat.

Arthur shot down the final one, sighing and glancing at the two of us. “Remind me never to make her angry.” He mused as Bella ruffled Aristotle’s feathers and set him loose again, “that is a big bird.”

“He’s a beauty inn’e?” Bella asked fluffing her hair out and wiping blood off her face. “We ready?”

“Yes, John how you holding up?” I asked.

“Feel drunk.”

“Good that means it’s working.”

“Oh joy.” Was the sarcastic reply.

We managed to make it down the mountain, Belladonna staying to get the meat and pelts from the wolves.

“She gonna be alright?” Javier asked.

“Worry about the woodland creatures who piss her off.” I laughed.

“Bella?” Belial asked as we rode in, “ah…hunting.” He chuckled and walked off back towards the kitchen area.

Arthur sighed and leaned over to speak to me, “watch the golden boy not get a scolding despite holding up a job.”

Dutch of course was ecstatic John was back and Arthur rolled his eyes.

“Siblings?” I asked smiling.

“We both was raised by Dutch and Hosea. They taught us to read.”

“Awe, I can see that.” I smiled wide at him, and he returned with a shy smile back. He gets a bit of a playful look, “you know for someone so small you sure as hell take up a lot of space.” He sniffs and cocks a brow.

“You know for someone so big you can curl up on the edge of a bed real easy. Next time just huggle-up and I won’t have to latch on like a damn possum.”

It was the first time he genuinely laughed. “I’ll remember that little wolf.” He was glancing over my gear and had a look of confusion.

“Leather, protects quite well.”

“What ya goin to war?” He poked my arm guards and outer leg guards as well as the leather corset flicking a knife handle.

“Life is war.” I tilted my head.

“Hmph, ain’t that just bout right.”

As I was about to ask what he meant Belladonna zoomed into camp with furs and blood all over her. “I’m back!” She said prancing off her stallion Bairn.

I chuckled, “welcome back sister.”

“Didja see the pelt on that she-wolf?” She crowed tugging it off her horse, “it’s like ya hair milady, I should make a new cloak and we can trade.”

“I would like that thank you Bella.” She grinned and whistled for Aristotle who landed on her thickly gloved forearm. “There’s a good boy.”

Everyone in camp balked.

“Wah ya never seen’a damn bird afore?” She scoffed. “Come on pretty boy.” She was feeding him strips of wolf, “lessee what ya da is up ta.”

I rolled my eyes. “You get used to her.”

“Body can get used to anything…”

“Even hanging.” I finished and we laughed walking over to Hosea and Dutch.

“Got anymore maidens that need saving?” Arthur asked.

“No,” Hosea chuckled. “Thanks you three.”

“Javier tipped his hat and walked off as Arthur joined me in the cabin where Abigale tended to Marston.

“Alright, lemme work.” I shooed most people away, and grinned. “Marston this is gonna hurt like a bitch.”

“Ya aint gotta look like ya gonna enjoy it!”

Arthur chuckled, “I will.”

“Of course you would.” John muttered.

I forced willow bark tea down his throat, irrigated the wound with stinging solutions of horsetail and once it was cleaned I made a salve and packed it with bandages. “Don’t touch it. You’ll have a mark but congratulations you were chosen to bear them by a powerful creature. In our ways it means you are protected.”

“Sure felt like that when they bit me.”

“They could have killed you.” I said softly. “But they did not. They left. Think upon that. I do not play with coincidence or dice to tell me my fate rather that things happen for a reason.”

John pondered and cracked a slight grin. “Guess so.”

“Either way, get rest, I shall have Bel bring food, you need to gather your strength to heal.”

“Thank you.” Abigale clutched my hand tight and I nodded, “let Jack see his Pa.” I leveled a gaze at John, “I am sure he was quite worried for his father.”

John seemed to squirm under my direct gaze and I softened it before leaving.

“What was that?”

“It seemed there was some tension in regards to little Jack.” I said.

“That obvious?” Arthur huffed an annoyed sound.

“Yes, but Marston is young, he can learn.”

Arthur glanced me up and down, “hm.” Was all he said.

I really wished I could get into his head sometimes.

— - - - - - - - - - - -

Arthur grumbled, “some people learn too late.” And he walked away, his chest heavy with memories long past. “Other’s should be so lucky.”

She caught his hand, “Arthur, despite that lessons can be passed down to prevent more pain.” Her voice is soft, and that damned look she gives him— it’s not pity, he couldn’t stand it if it was but this is somehow worse— she has an air of understanding, an acceptance about her with him as if whatever he lays at her feet is perfectly fine.

“Maybe so.”

That hand retreats, she seems to be thinking as she chews her bottom lip looking at her feet for a moment.

“S-sorry I know I probably—“

“S’fine.” He assured her rubbing the back of his neck. “Just a hang up he and I have had.”

Lilith nodded, “my brother and I had something similar happen.”

“Oh?”

“Yes…but we managed to talk it out.” Arthur lets out a bark of harsh laughter.

“Me and him? Talk? Shoot, ya ain’t known us long but ya gonna see that’s a bit hard for us Van der Linde boys.”

“Oh that’s plain as day Mister Morgan. But as I said, everyone can learn.” A wink as she sauntered off.

“Damn woman.” He grumbles to himself striking a match on his boot to light up a smoke. He couldn’t make heads or tails of her as she checked in with Dutch and asked him several questions, Dutch did seem to be in a better mood, and she was always checking in with him— she said the word was deference. She acknowledged he was leader. But she herself led the two people she had.

Arthur had to admit the way she did things did scream leadership. It was rare to see such things. There wasn’t anything she herself wouldn’t do that she’d ask of others. Mucking a stall, hunting, ensuring people were clothed, mending, healing…Dutch hadn’t done that for a long time but he did get his hands dirty when needed.

It further solidified Arthur’s ideology that if women ran shit it might be a mite better, he glanced at Susan who was chatting with Hosea before she went off to screech at someone for not working hard enough.

Belladonna walked up to him and grinned, offering her hawk, “wanna pet’im, seems ta like ya.”

Arthur was never one to pass up petting an animal.

Shit he’d pet a bear if it wouldn’t rip his damn arm off.

“Sure, Aristotle was it?”

“Mmhm. He had many ideas of the stars that man. Mi’lady said it suited because this hawk could damn near fly to them with these wings.” She kissed the hawk who let out a little chirping sound as Arthur placed a warm finger against it’s chest feathers. The big raptor fluffed his feathers and crooned, leaning forward and nudging Arthur’s hand.

“Here, he likes meat.”

“Here boy.” Aristotle took the piece and gulped it down and flapped his wings before Bella let him go. “He just nests somewhere?”

“Oh aye, he has a mate somewhere, but I canna catch her, she is too fierce. But she hunts with him and has never left his side. They keep the same mates their whole life.” She smiled up at the sky and sure enough, a smaller hawk circled with him swooping and gliding. “Quite a sight.”

“Sure is.” Arthur grinned. “You all keep any other animals?”

“Oh aye, you should see the family wolves.”

Arthur paused as he walked by, “beg pardon?” He furrowed his brow.

“Milady found a pack of wolves who’s cubs were abandoned. She took them all in, they are the sweetest, deadly, but they are the comfiest things to snuggle with. Sometimes all four of them are with her.”

“And these are….ah…”

“No here. They in the wilds probably hunting, somewhere up north west in the Grizzlies. They look different, no from here. Timber wolves from the west. Darker coats. Then the wolf dogs…all except for Talla—they look like they wolf kin. She is almost a strawberry color but she’s half wolf and half some big dog from Alaska.”

“Been round a lot.”

“Aye, we been all over. The wolves are bout five or so now. Talla and her siblings are with her brothers, she breeds them.”

“Breeds wolves.”

“Just for the family.”

“Ah.” This family got weirder and weirder, “they guard? The wolves not the half breed ones.”

“No no, wolves are quite timid despite people thinking they fierce, unless the family is attacked, they no just go about attacking randomly, Talla and her siblings though, they were bred with a type’a dog that will protect their master anywhere, any time. Talla especially, her mate is a full wolf, but she is far fiercer than he.”

Arthur laughed, “you talk like they people.”

“You talk to yer horse like it’s people.”

She had him there. He kicked at the snow. “Never knew an animal to dislike it.”

Belladonna grinned, “you ken for a scary bastard, ye pretty nice.”

“Don’t know nuthin bout that.” Arthur snorted as he walked off.

Dinner was a lighter affair now that John was back, everyone celebrated with some whiskey and a meal of wolf steaks and deer meat. Arthur watched as everyone milled around, chatted, and tried to liven their spirits, the deaths of ones close still loomed— as did the damn frost.

Some spring this turned out to be.

He glanced at the three strangers who had dropped into their lives as he scribbled.

It is rather strange to be in the company of wolves.

I find that they are a gentle people unless provoked, despite their appearances, the females are far more aggressive then their male counterparts, as Belial seems to have a very playful nature, they all do in fact. Shoving at one another as they walk in the snow to push the other into a drift. Or leaping onto one another’s backs as they run off.

I have only seen wolves play once, when I came across a den by accident when the welping season came. Indulgent and confident in my spot I had used binoculars to watch a game of tag played by the pack. It is of similar air.

Hosea is doing alright, but I know the dark haired woman named Lilith is concerned, he is coughing a lot, and his breathing is labored, he stays indoors mostly under her direction, and she’s been shoving tonics into his mouth whenever he allows it. Seeming hell bent on keeping him alive.

John is alright, a pain in my backside still, but he’s lucky to be alive. … We all are.

Not sure what in hell happened on that boat, but whatever it was it weren’t good. Charles heard that a girl died. Dutch outright shot her…saying it needed to be done….

That ain’t like him…

The red head reminds me of Sean, I wonder where that Irish bastard got off to. Knowing him he’s probably found trouble. Davey…Jenny….Both gone in a matter of weeks….We lost folks before but not like this— so needlessly. They are calling it the Blackwater Massacre.

This family is strange, stranger still is the kindness they show everyone. It is gentle, despite their steel hard spines and unwavering eyes…unnerving eyes.

Eyes that gleam when they look at ya, like a beast’s catching firelight in the dark.

She looked at Micah as if he were nothing but an ant to be pitied for facing a mountain.

Wonder what that’s like….ain’t never said I was confident, I can fight with the best of em…

But I have a feeling this woman could give me a run for my money…

Half inclined to piss her off and find out…

#Arthur Morgan #My One/ My Bonded Part 01 Colter Ch 3 #My One/ My Bonded #rdr2 fanfic #rdr2 #red dead redemption

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andorwhore · 4 years ago

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Saudade - II of VII

Chapter II of VII: Agreement

summary: A year in the life of a rebel with a cause and a rebel in search of one… chapter two: How does a slicer gain the trust of a rebel? They don’t.

author’s note: Wow, long time no post. I’ve been trying to finish the last two chapters of this fic, which have been giving me a lot of trouble, so I haven’t wanted to post anything in the meantime. But I realized how damn long its been since I’ve updated, so time for another chapter!

pairing: Cassian Andor x OC word count: 10,434 (its another doozy lads) rating: T, eventual R warnings: none (yet)

chapter one || chapter two || chapter three || chapter four

[ff.net] [ao3]

Jai Tillian maneuvered around pilots, spies, and fellow technicians as she made her way across the hangar at Yavin 4 headquarters. Over one shoulder was a purse of technical equipment, and in the opposite hand she cradled a datapad close to her chest. Her strides were long and quick as she aimed to get to the east end of the haggar, scheduled to run a diagnostics test on one of the gunships that had recently returned from a mission; apparently the computer wasn’t processing as it should, resulting in multiple issues during its last voyage.

Jai’s whole morning was booked with busy work, jumping from ship to ship, running tests or upgrading software on each one she entered. She fell a little behind schedule during her last test on a corvette, as the pilot was being far too distracting the entire time, and Jai hoped that this next one she had to deal with on the gunship wouldn’t interrupt her focus.

Jai had been with the Alliance for a little over a month, and yet it still seemed odd to say so. She had been accepted in by the council and the other technicians that she had met thus far, had spent nearly every meal sat with Miona, and had been between the control room and the hangar nearly every day learning. Yet it didn’t feel completely real, it felt as if any day now she’d be told play time was over and she’d be sent back to the Ring of Kafrene.

Jai didn’t know entirely what her thoughts were on the matter of the Rebellion versus the Empire, though she wouldn’t dare say so out loud to anyone here. Perhaps she should feel wrong for being with the rebels while trying to confront her own political doubts, should feel as if she were simply faking it to finally experience some new excitement in her life, but she didn’t feel wrong for it. Jai knew she agreed with what the Rebel Alliance was fighting for, she simply didn’t have the same passion and intensity that everyone else seemed to. And there was nothing wrong with lacking fervor in her personality, was there?

Jai had never been a particularly zealous or excitable person. Those that knew her often noted that she had an incredibly relaxed and flat way about her, verging on coming off indifferent and disinterested. It’s how she had always been, not by choice or by force, but simply by nature. She rarely became too passionate, too angry, or too sad. Her anger was perhaps the most easily triggered of the three, after all it was always the easiest emotion for anyone to fall into so long as their buttons were pushed just right, but even then her anger never seemed to come off as aggressive as others’ and it never lasted very long at all.

Maybe from a young age Jai had learned not to invest herself in emotions. Back on the Ring of Kafrene, her life was relatively uneventful, save for the occasions in her youth when she and her siblings got caught causing trouble. Despite the vast array of people that traveled to and lived in the colony, Kafrene was actually quite mundane, being particularly monotonous to a child who’s intellect led her to quickly becoming bored of the people and things around her.

As an adult, that quality in Jai hadn’t changed. It wasn’t that she thought herself too smart or too ambitious for Kafrene, in fact Jai often found herself to be of plain intelligence and of lackluster drive. Kafrene was simply too repetitive and predictable after seventeen years of growing up there. That’s why she could come off nearly cocky about her slicer skills -- codebreaking had become one of the only things that could hold Jai’s interest, and so she came as close as she could to perfecting those skills given her limited resources.

The one thing Jai could say genuinely excited her was building new equipment or upgrading her scramble key in some way. The stimulation and excitement of finally getting a successful result after trial and error of testing out a new piece of tech was virtually unrivaled by anything else. Sure, there was a distinct joy she use to feel with her family in her youth, there was a certain thrill whenever she was working on challenging slicing project, and an undeniable sensation when she, on rare occasions, engaging with someone else sexually, but for Jai nothing really compared to spending hours alone at her messy workbench, fussing with her scramble key until she perfected whatever she was trying to achieve.

Some of that excitement she still felt here on Yavin 4, but the work she was given had yet to be particularly stimulating. As a newbie, Jai was often shadowing other rebels to better understand what the technicians did at base in every relevant department. A number of the techs were trained for field work, but the majority that Jai had been working with so far stayed behind at headquarters, putting their skills towards encryption and decryption, repairs and upgrades. Jai had made it known that she’d be interested in training as a field tech, but it seemed that she may not get the opportunity yet, as no one she spoke to showed much enthusiasm for the idea. Jai hoped that she didn’t grow bored too quickly -- she was far too tired of constantly becoming bored by things, and she hoped being with the Rebellion would supply her with the stimulation she needed to stay invested.

Jai finished her job on the X4 gunship with relative ease, finding the glitch in the software and quickly remedying the problem. As she exited the ship, she looked down at the datapad to see if she’d gotten any messages about the next ship that needed her attention, but she didn’t receive any. So, she started back toward the main workstation, knowing that surely enough she would be called to something else soon.

As Jai rounded a large freighter a voice called to her to step out of the way, to which she did promptly while looking up. Two other technicians were passing by with a large equipment cart between them, and Jai did a double-take at the content inside.

Was that Cassian Andor’s droid?

As the technicians passed her, Jai asked them to stop, looking at the KX that was currently shut down.

“Shit, he’s seen better days.” She remarked while leaning over the equipment cart -- the droid’s right leg looked as if it were hanging onto his torso by a thread, it's usually pristine metal armor dented, scuffed, and stained, and there was definitely some kind of heavy damage to the back of it’s head, though Jai didn’t reach out to get a better look at it, “What happen here?”

One of the techs shrug, “Hell if we know, Gar’s over there right now trying to figure it out.”

He motioned behind himself with his head, Jai’s eyes following the indicated direction until she finally spotted Cassian and the head tech, Gar, standing just outside of the U-Wing. Jai stepped out of the way, and the two technicians continued to the workroom without saying another word.

Since their meeting and quarrel last month, Jai and Cassian had hardly seen one another, and neither had any intentions to approach first. The day he’d found her on his ship was still rather clear in Jai’s head; when she recalled the way he was very nearly kind to her, she was puzzled, especially given that after that he’d only been dismissive and even rude. Jai had heard a lot of good things about Cassian, heard other rebels sing his praise with admiration. Jai could tell he was a good man with good intentions; but, she pieced together quickly, he was incredibly passionate, and in that way, the two were a stark contrast. Perhaps even that first day they met Cassian could sense her general indifference towards everything, even as she sat on the floor of his ship with a gunshot wound in her stomach.

Maybe that was why he’d been so adamant that there was no place for her in the Rebellion. He was aggressively passionate, and she was aggressively impassive.

There was no reason for either to consider resolving their dispute from those first couple of days -- they worked different departments, Cassian was often away on jobs, and Jai was still too new to the Rebellion to be given any work of value. Their paths weren’t meant to cross again any time soon, and yet, something told Jai she was supposed to see K-2SO and, as a result, go looking for the droid’s partner.

Jai stayed planted where she stood, observant eyes watching the conversation going on between Cassian and Gar as a pair of agents stepped off of Cassian’s ship behind them. Jai could tell even from here that Cassian was exasperated, the look on his face and the upset way he moved his arms being a dead giveaway. Jai tilted her head slightly as she studied him -- did Cassian make a habit of going off on people like this?

No, Jai recognized quickly that he wasn’t yelling at Gar, nor did it seem that his anger was even directed to the other man. He was upset about whatever the hell happened to K-2SO.

For a couple of seconds, Jai didn’t even realize she was walking toward the pair, seemingly pulled by some curious invisible thread. And once she became aware of what she was doing she didn’t hesitate or pause to consider what exactly she intended to do once she got there. She was curious about what happened to the droid, and she was still holding onto some of that curiosity about the captain as well.

Jai was finally within earshot of the pair, though still far enough away that Cassian had yet to take notice of her.

“I’m supposed to be in Dennaskar by tomorrow, I need Kay with me.” Cassian insisted, and now that she was closer Jai could recognize that it wasn’t just upset in his expression, but also worry and concern for the droid, “Gar, is there any way you can speed up the repairs?”

Gar shook his head, “Cassian, this is at least a two day repair job, and that’s not even considering any work we may need to do if there’s been any serious damage to his software.”

Jai stole a glance back toward the techs’ workbench, spotting K-2SO being brought back into the workshop where more serious repairs were handled. She turned forward again and walked the short distance to the men, Gar spotting her first as she began to speak.

“So, what the hell happened to him?” She asked casually while jerking her thumb in the direction the droid disappeared in, looking between the men briefly before her eyes settled on Cassian. His expression seemed to harden just a little, which didn’t go unnoticed by Jai; so, he was still holding onto some kind of grudge against her.

“Ran into some hostiles on a job.” Cassian answered simply, knowing there wasn’t need to elaborate. Despite the fact that there were four other rebels with him and Kay on that mission, somehow they were still unprepared. At least no one was seriously injured aside from the droid. Cassian looked back to Gar, “You’re certain it’ll take two days?”

“Or more.”

“Could be three if that damage to his head is as bad as it looks.” Jai added, and, though it was subtle, both men looked at her as if her contribution was unwanted.

“Great…” Cassian muttered while crossing his arms. He looked away from the technicians, taking a deep breath as his eyes searched the hangar as if somewhere there was an answer to a question that he hadn’t even asked. Jai watched with a slight tilt to her head before turning her focus back over to Gar.

“I can help with K-2, if you need it.” She offered, interested to see what made the reprogrammed Imperial droid tick, “I haven’t done a lot of droid work, but if you need an extra hand I’d love to see what you’re doing.”

Gar was considered the resident droid expert, among other things, who trained all of the newbies that showed any interest in droid mechanics. He could handle both the external repairs as well as internal repairs in droids’ chips, dataframes, and keys, and he did so better than anyone else in the Alliance.

To Jai’s suggestion, he shook his head, answering dismissively, “My team’s good right now, Tillian.” She gave an accepting nod, though she was mildly disappointed by the answer. As Jai started to look down, she noticed that Cassian had returned his eyes to her watchfully, “I need to get started on Kay; I’ll ask around, see who can go with you to Dennaskar.”

“No one is as good as Kay.” Cassian replied matter-of-factly, and Gar’s expression suggested he thought the same, though he made no sound of agreement.

“You know you can’t do the job alone.”

Cassian knew that to be true, but there was no need to verbalize that. With one last look between the captain and Jai, Gar turned and began in the direction of his workshop.

Jai felt a sinking feeling in her stomach almost immediately, realizing she was standing here with Cassian on her own. Despite all the activity going on around them in the hangar, it felt as if there was some kind of bubble muting out all of the outside noise; Jai’s back became a little stiff as she immediately felt a tension grow between them.

“Where’s Dennaskar?” She asked simply as she looked past Cassian and toward his ship, assessing its appearance -- whatever troubles they had encountered on their last mission luckily hadn’t reached his ship, or the damage was so minor that Jai didn’t notice it.

“Mid Rim, Manda Sector.” Cassian answered, his tone flat and indifferent towards her, knowing there was no need for aggression; something about Jai may still have rubbed him the wrong way, but he’d gotten past any of the upset he had towards her, at least for the moment.

“And what’s there?” Jai’s tone, too, sounded somewhat detached; despite being able to get under her skin, Cassian also seemed to have this ability to make her nervous without doing a damned thing. For a few long, stiff moments he didn’t reply -- the tension was slowly growing thicker.

Cassian spun on his heel to face his ship, looking up at it with his arms crossed for a few seconds longer, “There’s a lab that supplies the Empire with vehicles and weapons. Kay was supposed to go in and steal data about their recent supply; now I have to figure out another way to get the information without him.”

Cassian started walking back toward his ship, and with a furrow of her brow, Jai followed just a couple steps behind.

Stealing data? Jai could do that in her sleep; she knew a number of other technicians here could do the exact same thing. She could see the advantage of sending K-2SO in to take care of it, given that he was a droid and could probably blend in with the rest of the Imperial security team at this laboratory, but Cassian could still get the job done if he brought in a well-rounded technician. Or…

“Sounds like you could use a slicer.” Jai’s tone finally sounded eager with suggestion, and Cassian faltered only a half-step before continuing, his head tilting slightly in her direction curiously. It didn’t take a genius to figure out what she was suggesting, and Cassian scoffed at the idea of it.

“If you’re suggesting I take you, the answer is no.” Cassian spoke firmly and nearly mocking while stepping into his U-Wing, looking at the supplies that were left behind by the rest of his team. Jai paused to lean in the doorframe, crossing her arms as her brow furrowed slightly. When Cassian looked back toward her, his eyes were authoritative and dismissive. Without saying a word, he made it quite clear he didn’t trust Jai.

She shrugged her shoulders while rolling her eyes, “And why not? You need a good tech person, and I need field training.”

“I’m not here to train some careless slicer.” Cassian’s condescending tone caused Jai’s eyes to harden as she sucked in her cheeks in annoyance. What was it about this captain that managed to upset her far too easily?

Cassian turned his back to her again, picking up the supply bag left on the floor before brushing past Jai and walking across the hangar. Once again, Jai was right on his heels.

Jai continued in an accusatory tone, “What’s your problem with me?” Cassian barely spared a glance back at her, “Is it the fact that I’m a slicer? Or because I talk back to you? Or are you just bitter that I’m here?”

Cassian’s eyes hardened as he scoffed at her again, “You tried to steal from me, you broke into private files about me, you joined this Rebellion because you were bored, and you continue to show very little interest in the cause you’re here for.”

Jai huffed as they reached a supply table, her lips pulling back in an unamused sneer. Cassian dropped his bag a little too roughly atop the table as he looked to see what he needed to stock up on, “I think you’re just intent on not liking me.”

“And if I am?” He questioned, looking at her briefly with judgmental eyes, “Why does it matter to you?”

The faintest of smirks seemed to ghost over Cassian’s lips, as if pleased that he turned this back around on Jai, who was currently staring at him with an expression that suggested she herself was mulling over that exact question. Cassian silently returned to filling the bag before slinging it over his shoulder and beginning to retreat back to his U-Wing, thinking he’d put a pause to Jai’s pursuit.

“Andor!” He heard from behind him less than a minute later. His steps nearly stuttered, sighing while his eyes rolled back into his head in annoyance -- it looked like Jai was a little more stubborn than he’d given her credit for. Cassian heard her footsteps jogging up behind him, and he refused to look down at her once she’d reached his side, “Look, just set aside whatever this issue is and take me to Dennaskar.”

Cassian was tempted to question her, but kept his mouth shut while continuing to his ship. He could feel Jai looking up at him expectantly, but he kept his eyes forward.

“How many other techs do you know that could do the job properly? You were gonna have K-2 hack into their computers and download information, right? I can do that, my tools work nearly as quick as a droid can, sometimes even quicker.”

Cassian continued to bite his tongue. But apparently Jai didn’t take well to that, because after a few moments she quickly stepped up in front of him, eyes hardening with resolve.

“Don’t ignore me.” Cassian’s brows rose in surprise at her tone, but the rest of his expression made no show of the reaction.

“Would you rather we go on arguing?” He countered.

“Please let me do the job -- no one here is willing to give me decent jobs because they still see me as a newbie.”

“Because you are.” Cassian replied firmly, “Being good with computers does not automatically mean they’ll throw you into complex jobs -- you have to work your way up. You’d know how that works if you’d ever had a real job.”

Jai was ready to argue back, but managed to stop herself and take a deep breath, trying to calm down the upset that had begun to rise in her. Her tone was calm again as she spoke, “I’ll have you know, I did have a real job.”

Cassian’s face unexpectedly pulled into a look of amusement, though there was mockery to it and doubt in his tone, “Really?”

“Yes.” Jai replied simply, putting no effort into trying to convince the captain, knowing it to be a pointless endeavor. Cassian gave a slight hum before stepping around her and continuing the short trek to his U-Wing. As he expected, he could hear Jai behind him, “You said you need to be in Dennaskar by tomorrow -- if you take me, you don’t have to worry about being behind schedule because you had to find someone. Just take me on this one job, and you’ll never have to deal with me again.”

Cassian replaced his supply bag to where it belonged, turning around to look at Jai as he crossed his arms. One of his brows was raised as he stared into her face -- this was fascinating. He didn’t expect Jai to show such an interest in anything given her track record. Despite the fact that Cassian had avoided interacting with Jai since her arrival here, he nonetheless had asked about her on occasion, curious to hear about this slicer that was so obviously misplaced in the Rebellion. He asked that tech friend of hers, Abe, about how she acted and he asked Gar how she performed -- Cassian interpreted from both responses that she was indifferent to this job. She never seemed to discuss the cause with anyone, even if someone asked her about it, and she seemed to approach her assignments with boredom. Maybe Abe and Gar misinterpreted her, or maybe it was Cassian that misinterpreted their descriptions. Either way, the insistence Jai showed to be a part of this mission opposed the profile Cassian had been building on her in his head.

Maybe she was more invested in the cause than she let on. Maybe she was just bored out of her mind here on base.

“Why do you want to go?” Cassian finally asked, though he no longer spoke with venom or mockery. His question came across curious and, dare Jai say, actually interested to hear what kind of answer she’d give him. Even his expression lost some of it’s harshness as he awaited her reply. And it was as if that change in his tone allowed some of Jai’s tension to dispel, because she was suddenly able to think a little more calmly and slowly, to actually consider for herself why she wanted to go on this mission.

She was quiet for a little while, arms hanging at her sides as she tried to find the right words, “I need to prove myself.” Cassian’s brows briefly rose as a silent instruction to continue, his interest still held, “The only way these people will take me seriously is if I do a field mission. No one wants to give me anything more than busy work because they doubt what I can do.”

“And do you?” Jai gave him a confused look at the question that sprung from his lips, “Doubt yourself?”

Jai laughed through her nose as she smirked, answering surely, “No.”

Cassian gave a single nod, uncrossing his arms as he turned toward the steps into the cockpit, though he didn’t make a move to ascend them just yet. He stood paused in consideration, looking down at the floor while mulling over Jai’s explanation. The young technician stared at him patiently, though she was certain he’d tell her any second now to go back up to the control room to fuss with her computers.

“Get whatever you need.” Cassian finally spoke, looking back to Jai, “Tell Gar where you’re going, and be back here in half an hour.”

Jai’s eyes grew large and alight with excitement, her mouth pulling into a small, surprised smile -- Cassian nearly made a face at the expression, not expecting such an obvious reaction from this woman who was either irritatingly neutral or simply angry. Jai gave a nod and spun on her heel quickly, barely refraining from running across the hangar toward the turbolift.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Jai sat in the U-Wing’s copilot seat, her legs pulled up for her heels to rest on the edge of the chair, using her knees as a place to hold her datapad. She was reading up on Dennaskar and the Santhe Corporations laboratory, digging through all the data the Alliance had collected on them. In the seat beside her, Cassian’s eyes seemed entirely focused on the vast space around them, his expression giving away nothing to his thoughts on their mission or on the woman that tagged along with him. The only tell that he was not entirely invested in his new mission partner was the way his lips looked to be tight with tension.

Not far from the Santhe lab was the city of Juspus, which housed the planet’s largest starport. Cassian informed Jai that he had a contact in Juspus that would meet him at the port to supply them with Santhe uniforms and a secure way to get into the lab; Jai, having grown up learning to be wary of others, found herself wondering if the contact was someone they could trust, but she refrained from vocalizing her doubts.

“What data am I looking for when we get there?” Jai asked as she continued to slide through the information on her screen.

“Santhe rolled out a new series of gunships for the Empire recently, but we think that may have been a cover for something.”

“And what makes us think that?” Jai rolled her head lazily on the head rest to glance at Cassian.

Upon feeling her eyes watching him, Cassian briefly looked back at Jai, “Santhe is the Empire’s largest supplier of ships and weapons. On a recent mission another captain got word that the Empire may be working on something new unlike any of their usual weapons -- if that’s the case, Santhe is almost surely involved.”

Jai pushed out her chin slightly as she mulled over his reply before looking back down to her datapad, “So, you want to get your hands on all the files relating to their newest series to see if there’s information hidden in them.” Her brows knit together as she considered that, “What if we just… took all of Santhe’s data?”

Confusion pulled at Cassian’s brow as he turned his eyes to the woman again, looking for clarification, “All of it?”

She gave a brief nod while meeting Cassian’s eyes again, “If they have something to do with a new secret weapon, what makes you think that information is solely disguised or hidden in their recent gunship files? It could be somewhere else in their database. And I doubt we’ll have the time to sift through all of the information while we’re there, it’s too risky to waste that kind of time, so what if we just download all of it to my drive?”

Cassian stared at her quietly for a few moments -- he was nearly begrudging to admit it was a good idea. If he had Kay with him, Cassian knew the droid would have been able to latch onto the appropriate information in Santhe’s system and get out of there quickly. Cassian hadn’t yet considered that even a talented slicer couldn’t perform that task the way a droid could.

“You think you can do that? And quickly?” He questioned, sounding hopeful, maybe even eager about her plan.

“I can do it, I just need you to make sure I have the time.” There was a seriousness in Jai’s eyes that Cassian hadn’t seen before, though really his two previous encounters with her weren’t much of a basis for comparison. He was sure Jai wanted to look knowing in her seriousness, but Cassian could tell it was worry that he saw hidden in her gaze, “They have to have an archive computer of some kind, and where there’s an archive there’s someone managing it. I need you to keep them occupied long enough for me to get into their system and copy everything out of the archive and to my drive.”

“You sound like you’ve done this before.” Cassian’s eyes narrowed, wondering what kind of jobs Jai had done back on Kafrene to give her this kind of thoughtfulness.

Jai shook her head quickly, “Nothing even remotely close to this, I just know a guy who knows a guy.”

Cassian doubted it was worth asking her to elaborate, not that he cared much for the details to begin with. He turned his eyes forward again as Jai continued to plan out the specifics of the next few hours. Occasionally she chimed up to ask Cassian a question about the lab or this contact he had on Dennaskar, but otherwise the two remained in a tense silence.

As they were finally nearing Dennaskar’s starport, Cassian reached out to his contact so they could meet and collect the disguises and building access. He instructed Jai to stay back on the ship, not wanting his contact to be exposed to any more rebels than necessary just in case the man ever felt enticed to turn against them. Once Cassian had left, Jai continued to occupy herself with more planning and speculation for the mission.

She wouldn’t dare admit she was nervous -- the last thing she needed was for Cassian to know. There were a million ways this job could go south, and if she vocalized any of those doubts, Jai was sure she’d trip herself up somewhere along the way and their efforts would be wasted. She knew she could do what the job required of her -- she had the equipment and the confidence in her expertise as a slicer, and navigating foreign computers was certainly not any reason to doubt her skills. But going into a massive Empire affiliated lab where they were severely outnumbered was a terrifying thought, to put it mildly.

“Maybe we need a speeder… should we have put someone at base on standby…” Jai mumbled to herself to try to keep her anxiety at bay. She continued to mutter both useful and not-so-useful thoughts to keep herself distracted as she fiddled with her scramble key.

From her seat in the cockpit, Jai’s eyes slowly slid across the expanse of the port, studying the hundreds of ships and people thoughtfully, counting each time she spotted a stormtrooper. There weren’t many to be found, though that didn’t mean they weren’t lurking around somewhere; Jai wondered just how many there were at the Santhe lab, and if they were smart enough to sniff out rebels in disguise.

Behind her, the hatch door opened again, Jai turning to sit at an angle so she could lean forward and look at Cassian. The bag that he had thrown over his shoulder prior to leaving the ship was now fuller than it had been before, obviously stuffed with the uniforms he borrowed. As he closed the door behind him, Cassian looked up at Jai briefly while setting the bag down on one of the collapsable seats, beginning to pull out the articles of clothing with that same unreadable expression etched across his face that he’d had the entire flight.

“Come on, we have to be quick.” Cassian started as he held up one of the shirts to see if it was his size or Jai’s. The slicer hopped to her feet and joined him, taking the shirt that he absently held out to her with one hand as his other continued to sort out the clothes, “Most of the staff is only on base for another couple of hours -- it’s better to go in while the place is packed with employees than to wait till later when security is more alert.”

Jai nodded, though she knew Cassian didn’t see it as he shrugged out of his vest, dropping it onto one of the seats. She followed suit, pulling off her jacket and setting it aside, glancing back at Cassian as he started to undo his shirt as well. Jai’s eyes widened some with a tinge of interest -- sure, she had seen a few people strip in front of her in the past, but it was not something treated so casually nor was it something she was all that accustomed to. Cassian didn’t even seem to give it a second thought, and before he could show too much skin Jai turned so her shoulder was toward him, dropping her head down as she too tugged at her own shirt.

As she reached to scoop up the white Santhe shirt off the chair, Jai’s eyes pulled back to Cassian, looking him up and down with a look somewhere between curiosity and sheepishness, her stare lingering on his shoulders and then his lat muscles before they were covered by his new shirt. Feeling her cheeks redden, Jai turned away again before Cassian could notice her stare, picking up her pace.

Cassian, accustomed to being in close quarters with other soldiers, didn’t even consider whether or not Jai herself would be so comfortable with them changing in front of one another, and the thought continued to evade him when he turned back toward her as she was buckling her trousers. He paid almost no mind to the flash of her stomach that he got, only staring at her a moment before grabbing up his blaster and a couple of small tools from his discarded clothes.

Once she was situated in the uniform, Jai climbed back up into the cockpit to grab her tool bag, digging out her datapad and scramble key, knowing that she couldn’t bring the entire bag with her. As she tucked the datapad into the back of her pants, Jai considered what else she might need, stealing another look towards Cassian as if he could read her mind and tell her; the man simply stared back with slight impatience. She decided that she had all she needed, so she dropped her bag with the rest of their belongings and put the scramble key in one of her pockets.

Just before they stepped off of the ship, Cassian grabbed a second blaster and held it out to Jai, whose stare lingered on the weapon for a couple of moments before she slowly took it from his grasp.

“What, no weapons training yet?” He condescended, to which Jai shook her head with a glare, “Can’t shoot and can’t fly…”

‘Maybe I shouldn’t have brought you on this mission, after all.’ Jai was sure Cassian wanted to say.

“And you can’t slice.” She bit back dismissively, breezing past Cassian and out of the ship. He scowled at the back of Jai’s head for a moment before following her out and leading the way through the port.

Cassian’s contact left an indiscript speeder for them to get up to the lab, but nothing else beyond that -- once they got to that front gate, the rest was up to them.

It was simple enough for Jai to bypass the security gate without an access card, and once through the gate they could walk into Santhe Labs without any trouble. Once inside, however, they had to figure out where they were going, seeing as there wasn’t exactly a map of the place just sitting around for them -- Cassian hadn’t prepared for someone to take K-2SO’s place, as the droid was supposed to lead the way through the lab.

“What, you didn’t think to try to get floor plans before coming here?” Jai reprimanded through her teeth, hoping to avoid drawing any attention as they passed Santhe employees; so far, no one seemed to bat an eye at them.

“You didn’t think to either.” Cassian retorted.

“You’d lead a woman to think this was your first mission…” The pair turned their dark eyes on one another at the exact same moment, glowering.

“Up until a few hours ago I thought I’d have Kay with me to navigate the building.”

Jai hummed in annoyance while looking away from him, quickly stepping into a hall just as they nearly passed it. Cassian had to turn on his heel to follow her, the two ducking into an empty part of the hallway so Jai could snatch her datapad from where it was tucked in her waistband. She started tapping on it a little too roughly, an obvious passive aggressive gesture as she glanced up at Cassian while she did so. He quirked a challenging brow at Jai before she turned back to her screen, Cassian looking up and down the hall to ensure they continued to remain inconspicuous.

Eventually, Jai began leading the way through the halls again, her expression resolute as she avoided sparing Cassian a glance. The two went and boarded a turbolift that they fortunately had all to themselves. Cassian had expected another long stretch of rigid silence, but as soon as the doors were closed Jai began speaking, continuing to avoid looking toward him.

“Once we’re in the archives, I need you to do exactly what I ask, or else this won’t work.” Her tone was hawkish, unexpectedly stern and authoritative, “I’ll make sure we get the data, you make sure we get out of here in one piece.”

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

They weren’t going to get out of here in one piece.

Jai got all of the information they needed, and Cassian had been the perfect distraction just like she asked him to be. They strolled on out of the building without any issues and climbed back into their borrowed speeder, ready to head back to Yavin 4 with their new data and their confidence well intact.

But then they passed through the gates to exit Santhe Labs, and trouble was there waiting for them.

They found themselves confronted by a wall of stormtroopers, all ready to start shooting if the pair didn’t surrender whatever it was that they stole. One of the troopers in the center of the group began to lower his weapon while stepping forward, instructing the rebels to give up their stolen information and surrender. Jai’s eyes widened with worry as she looked back towards Cassian, but the captain looked calm and resolute as he took a few deep breaths through his nose, staring unblinkingly at the Empire troop as the leader began to repeat himself.

Jai wasn’t prepared for just how quickly Cassian sprung into action. He threw his hand on the back of her head and shoved it down to rest atop her knees, slouching down in his own seat as he suddenly sped through the blockade in front of them, roughly knocking down a number of stormtroopers as the rest jumped away from the speeding vehicle.

Almost instantly, blasters started shooting off from what sounded like every direction, ricocheting off of the metal and shattering the thin glass panel that lined the front of the speeder’s cockpit. Jai threw her hands out to either side of her in search of a secure grip, her right latching onto the inner wall of the speeder and the other clamping down on Cassian’s knee. If it weren’t for his state of complete focus, Cassian would have shouted at Jai for digging her nails so deep that she managed to break skin even through the layer of fabric.

After they were out of range of the shots, at least for the time being, Cassian pulled his hand out of Jai’s hair and retrieved his blaster from where it was tucked under his shirt, dropping it into his lap so he could use both hands to maneuver their speeder through the narrow streets of of Juspus. Jai’s head shot back up, eyes wide and jaw slightly agape as she whipped around to look back at the Empire forces they just evaded. She relinquished her grip on both the wall and on Cassian’s thigh as she propped herself on her knees and fumbled to grab her own blaster.

“Did you set off some kind of security in there!?” Cassian accused as he sped past buildings, knowing that any moment now stormtroopers, likely with their own varieties of speeders, would catch up to them.

Jai’s glare jumped toward him, “It was probably your fucking contact that sold us out!”

A barrage of shots sounded behind from down the street, but Cassian managed to whip around a corner and avoid most of them. He steadied out the speeder again as his eyes darted around, trying to spot everywhere the stormtroopers might be waiting for them.

He didn’t have the patience to argue, not right now -- he had to get them back to their ship and off of this planet before it was too late, “Here’s your crash course in using that damned thing!” He spared a glance at Jai so he could point toward her blaster with his chin, “Put that thing on kill setting and don’t hesitate!”

Jai looked warily at the gun in her hands, staring almost dumbly at it for a moment. Another laser flew between them, causing Jai to jump before securing her grip and lifting the blaster up to eye level. She turned in her seat to face behind them, eyes widening as she saw the squad of stormtroopers on their tail and closing in.

“Keep low so you’re a smaller target!” Cassian instructed, “And hold on!”

Jai barely had time to steady herself before Cassian sharply rounded another corner. She sank as low in the seat as she could, her arms resting along the back of the speeder and her eyes level with the weapon. As the stormtroopers rounded the corner behind them, Jai’s finger pressed down on the trigger and she let out a short string of blasts, only managing to land a couple with how unsteady and untrained her aim was. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Cassian also take up his blaster, holding it ready to assist her. Every few seconds, Cassian would whip his head back long enough to vaguely line up his shot and pull the trigger a couple of times before returning his attention to the road ahead of them.

Eventually, they made another dramatic sharp turn, but before they could even make sense of the company of stormtroopers waiting there for them, the speeder was hit with a blast, perhaps from a grenade, and the vehicle went flying back as the engine exploded, dumping both passengers out onto the street. The speeder crashed roughly into a nearby wall as thick smoke, dust, and debris filled the air and blinded everyone.

Jai could hear a ringing in her ears as she immediately made to scramble out of the line of fire -- she may not have been a rebel for long, but back on the Ring of Kafrene, she’d been accidentally caught up in her fair share of street fights through the years. Growing up, one learned early on that you had to be quick to run whenever you started hearing shots and blasts echoing through the narrow Kafrene streets.

As Jai flung herself into an alleyway, fumbling with both her blaster and her datapad to ensure she didn’t drop either, the dust from their crash began to settle; she could see that Cassian had the same idea as her, as he had rushed to duck into the alley on the opposite side of the street from her.

For a long moment, none of the stormtroopers moved, and Cassian’s distressed eyes finally spotted Jai across the way from him. The relief that washed over him was immediately obvious -- for a minute there, he was almost sure that something terrible had happened to the rookie. The two stared wide eyed at one another, each breathing rapidly and listening carefully for when the stormtroopers would surely start moving and shooting again any moment now.

Cassian motioned up the street with his head, trying to keep their communication silent. ‘Go,’ he mouthed, Jai’s brows turning down slightly at it. A moment later, Cassian turned on his heels and began running through the alley; Jai immediately jumped to her feet and mirrored him, turning away from the Empire forces and pushing as hard as her legs would allow through the roads and pathways of Juspus.

She had to get back to Cassian. She had to get back to their ship.

Jai could hear the stormtroopers on the move not far behind her, and frantically Jai pumped her legs even harder. Jai dove through a number of short, twisting streets and alleys until she burst out onto a crowded road, whipping her head left and right in panic. She couldn’t spot Cassian or stormtroopers, nor could she hear those Empire soldiers that were pursuing her over the noise of the crowd. Jai realized that the building across from her was a large market, and without a second of hesitation, she darted towards it, hoping the cramped crowd would hide her. As she maneuvered through the Juspus locals and eyed the stalls filled with goods and food, Jai reminisced for a split second that the place reminded her of home.

Jai kept her head ducked down as she slowed her pace and mingled in with the crowd, her eyes searching the various shops for any that looked to have clothes as part of the merchandise -- she knew that she needed to get out of this Santhe uniform if she wanted to blend in and evade the stormtroopers hot on her trail.

‘Don’t fuck up now.’ Jai tried to pep herself up -- she needed to rely on her not-so-impressive thieving skills for this one. She finally spotted a tent stall with various fabrics and articles of clothing and began pushing through the crowd towards it, slinking up alongside the thin fabric wall to avoid the attention of the shopkeep.

Once the owner became distracted with a young couple at the entrance of the stall, Jai reached between the sheets that closed it off on the sides and grabbed at whatever fabric she could get her hands on, not paying much mind to what articles of clothing they even were. She grabbed far more than she needed and quickly dove back into the crowd, eyes searching up and down, left and right for any sign of stormtroopers. Despite the harsh noise of the crowd, Jai was almost sure that she could hear them somewhere around her, but she couldn’t see over the heads of everyone around her. She continued to shove her way forward, spotting another gap between two stalls and making her way towards it, ducking between them and beginning to sift through the variety of fabrics in her arms.

Luckily, there were a couple of shirts amidst the mass of clothing, both of which would surely look more like short kaftans on Jai based on their size. But that issue wasn’t even remotely on her mind as she dragged a dark colored one over her head. There were mostly scarves in the collection that she stole, and speedily she wrapped one around herself and tied it off to create a makeshift pouch for her gun and datapad, and then grabbed another scarf and started wrapping it’s layers around her head, making sure to tuck all of her ashy hair up inside it.

Jai began to relax, if only just a little. She took a few long moments to try to slow down her breathing and her heart rate, but she knew she had to get back out there quickly -- she was terrified to think of what trouble Cassian might be in right now, she had to get back to the ship and hope he managed to get back as well.

Slowly, but no less cautiously, Jai stepped back into the main stretch of the marketplace, looking around herself again for the stormtroopers. A large group of them was in the crowd behind her, and another few were up ahead near another exit, obviously scanning their eyes over the crowd carefully. Jai’s eyes widened slightly as she looked around herself, but couldn’t spot any other exit; had the stormtroopers gotten a good enough look at her face to recognize her if she walked past? She had to get out of this market, meaning she had to risk it and hope for the best.

Jai waited until a sizable mass of people were making for the exit, and she jumped into the middle of them, keeping her head turned down and praying she didn’t draw any kind of attention to herself.

Once she was outside, she breathed a heavy sigh of relief -- they hadn’t noticed her. Jai continued down the street as if she had somewhere important to be and knew exactly where she was going, her eyes remaining ever watchful as she went. Stormtroopers were still going up and down the roads in search of both she and Cassian, and Jai took every step she could to avoid getting too close to any of them.

Where the hell was she? Jai got turned around far too easily in the mass that was Juspus. She looked over the nearby faces on the street around her, carefully studying them to determine who might be safe to ask for directions, if anyone. She continued to hope that any moment now she’d see Cassian’s face appear amongst the crowds.

Eventually, an older gentleman had her turned in the right direction. Jai used as many alleys and side streets as she could so that she wouldn't draw attention to herself when she ran, and whenever she set foot onto a larger road, she abruptly slowed and walked at pace with the pedestrians around her.

Still no sign of Cassian. Despite feeling as if she had safely evaded the stormtroopers, anxiety still pounded in Jai’s chest, worry for her partner increasing with each passing minute.

‘He’s fine, he’s been doing this for two decades.’

‘But he’s all on his own and at an obvious disadvantage.’

‘But you’re alone and you managed just fine.’

‘What if there were more troops that went after him?’

‘He’s probably already back at the ship and waiting for you.’

‘Or he’s already off planet and left you for dead.’

The debate in Jai’s head seemed to grow louder and louder as she got closer to the starport, which she could now see in the distance out ahead of her. She paused and took another long, cautious look around, scanning the streets in every direction to collect a count on the stormtroopers. As she continued to approach the port, she realized a large blockage was waiting near the wide entryway -- had Cassian’s ship been identified? Were more stormtroopers up in the U-Wing and digging through all of their belongings?

Jai took a deep breath and ducked into another alleyway, pulling her datapad out of the makeshift purse and then her scramble key from her pocket, connecting the two so her datapad would work faster. She had to see if there was a second entrance or some other way of getting in.

She still had to find Cassian.

There was a north side entry into the starport. She just had to find her way to it. Did she retreat back into the hub of the city in search of her partner, or did she get herself to the U-Wing and wait for him if he wasn’t already there?

Jai peered back out into the street again as she tried to come to a decision, first looking toward the port, and then in the opposite direction. But she froze as her gaze fell on a familiar face, a sinking feeling dropping in her stomach as her eyes widened.

Cassian.

But he wasn’t alone. A stormtrooper walked on either side of him, escorting the frustrated looking captain in the direction of the starport. Were they going to search the ship? Maybe they were going to escort him off the planet and to somewhere else far worse?

It didn’t matter what they were going to do -- what mattered was that her partner was grabbed, and Jai had to do something about it.

She traded her datapad for her blaster -- there was still a significant distance between them and the port entrances. If Jai could shoot them both down, she and Cassian would have more than enough time to run and make their way to the north entrance while the stormtroopers far down the road chased after them again.

She paused, taking a few steady breaths. Now or never. If they got any closer, the two stormtroopers would spot Jai’s attack and she’d lose the element of surprise.

Jai moved to press her back against the opposite wall, just shy of peeking around the corner. She turned her head slowly and watched the trio for a long moment before raising her blaster, trying to line up her shot.

When she pulled the trigger, the laser missed its target, zooming between Cassian and one of the stormtroopers, barely missing her partner’s head by a few inches. As both troopers immediately looked in Jai’s direction and aimed their own blasters, Cassian took advantage of their distraction, immediately fighting one for his weapon. As the two struggled with the blaster, Cassian secured his hand on the trigger and shot at the second stormtroopers, who collapsed just as he had turned to help fight Cassian. As the first trooper fell, Jai darted out toward her partner, but she kept her weapon lowered, realizing it was far too risky to try to shoot the second stormtrooper with Cassian so close.

The rebel captain managed to finally steal away the blaster and jump back, and practically in sync he and Jai took aim and both shot the trooper. They stood frozen for a moment as they met each other’s gaze, each with a look of relief shining in their eyes as they caught their breath. But they knew they couldn’t linger, and Jai moved towards Cassian with an insistent look.

“Come on.” She latched onto Cassian’s sleeve and started tugging him away into a sidestreet, knowing that the stormtroopers down at the starport entrance had surely seen their fight and would have already begun pursuing them.

Cassian allowed himself to be dragged along for a few moments almost as if he were in a daze before he stole back his arm, both surprised and gratified at how well Jai had done. As Cassian followed behind her through the streets, he stared at the back of her head with pride.

“There’s a second entrance,” Jai began to explain as she paused in a narrow alleyway, Cassian nearly bumping into her with how close he was following. She spun around to meet his eyes, a surprising calm surrounding the two of them, “I think we’ll have a better chance slipping in that way.”

Cassian looked Jai up and down, tilting his head as he finally had the opportunity to take in her change of attire and recognize how smart it was. His eyes shined with a quiet acclaim at her efforts that Jai didn’t quite recognize -- her childhood on Kafrene had taught her something valuable, it would seem.

“Lead the way.” Cassian said with a nod as he, too, decided to shrug off what he could of the Santhe uniform, discarding the formal shirt and being left with just his dark tank top as coverage; for a moment, as Jai eyed his exposed collarbone, she wished she had saved that other tunic for him. But this was better than the obvious, stark white uniform, and after meeting his eyes one more time, Jai motioned with her head for Cassian to follow, and she started leading them through Juspus once more.

Maybe they would be getting out of here in one piece after all.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

“Captain Andor, Tillian was not cleared to go on this mission, nor has she been cleared access to leave base for field training yet.” General Draven chastised with severe crossness. Across from him, Cassian and Jai stood side by side, disheveled and covered in dirt, clothing worn and ripped. They’d been back to Yavin 4 for less than ten minutes when the General marched up to them as they were on their way to the turbolift; it appeared that Draven was waiting for them, well prepared to chew them out and make Jai wish she could just shrink away from him and completely disappear.

Despite the nervous drumming in her chest, Jai’s eyes were fixed into the slightest of glares as she watched the General unblinkingly, but the man refused to look at her, his own harsh eyes trained solely on Cassian. Jai kept her lips tightly shut, fearing to even try to speak up to the man; beside her, Cassian stood tall and sure. If he was upset, he kept it well in control, though the fire in his stare gave away the intensity that was just waiting to burst at the seams as he stared back at his commander.

“I asked her to go, and she agreed.” Cassian replied simply, his tone solid and without apology; he knew the fault for the decision fell on him, and he was ready to stand by it.

“You can’t bring a rookie out without consulting me first.” Draven argued just as firmly, taking a step closer to the pair.

Challenge seemed to cross Cassian’s eyes, but he continued to keep himself unapologetically composed, “But I brought a rookie, and she performed beyond my expectations.”

Jai turned her head to look up at her partner, curiosity daring to pull at her expression -- unless she didn’t know any better, that very nearly sounded like a compliment.

“Tillian is a talented slicer,” Cassian continued just as Draven looked like he was ready to argue again, “This job wouldn’t have happened without her… She’s a valuable asset in the field.”

Jai nearly couldn’t believe Cassian was defending her, especially to General Draven. After all, the mission almost ended terribly, and Jai would have expected Cassian to attribute that near failure to her inexperience. But no, instead he stood here unwavering in front of Draven who was less than happy about Cassian’s last minute and risky decision to bring her along. Despite all of the flukes they encountered, Cassian still recognized just how hard Jai had worked on the mission, how hard she pushed to get them off of Dennaskar safely.

General Draven stared harshly at Cassian a few moments longer before his eyes finally flicked down to Jai, who took a sharp breath through her nose as her eyes met his. He only looked at her for a brief yet jarring moment before returning his glare to Cassian one last time. The General stepped back from them, starting to turn away.

“We’ll finish this later; go get yourselves cleaned up.” Without another word, he retreated back toward the turbolifts. As Cassian and Jai stood for a few long moments, she finally noticed that a few other rebels nearby in the hangar had been watching the confrontation curiously, some of whom immediately went back to work as Draven left, others continuing to eye the duo.

At nearly the same moment, Jai and Cassian turned their heads to meet one another’s eyes, silently staring for a few drawn out beats. They could see how exhausted the other was, but they could also see each other’s relief and the pride they felt for getting out of Denneskar alive and with their job complete.

Jai pressed her lips together firmly for a moment before her shoulders relaxed, “… Thanks.”

Cassian’s brows moved up slightly in question, “For what, getting you on Draven’s bad side?”

Jai nearly smiled at that, “For bringing me along even if you didn’t want to.” She pointed to where Draven had stood in front of them just a minute prior, “And for that.”

Cassian shook his head, “Thank you for not making me regret the decision.”

He began toward the turbolift, the look on his face like a silent request for Jai to come with him. Cassian chewed the inside of his cheek as he thought.

“… You did a good job,” He said, though he still wanted to avoid sounding too complimentary, “You’re still a shit shot, but you showed real smarts dealing with those troopers.”

Jai rolled her eyes, but this time she did so with a slight smirk pulling at her lips, the gesture one of amusement rather than her usual annoyance at him. The pair stepped into the turbolift to begin the ascend to the barracks; as the doors closed, Jai allowed herself to slump tiredly against the wall, slowly starting to unravel the scarf that was still loosely hanging around her head and neck. Once it was removed, Jai stared down at the scarf in her hands thoughtfully for a few moments, and for the first time it seemed as if the silence between them was actually comfortable.

Jai sighed deeply, “I think they’re gonna stick me on desk duty again.”

“Probably.”

“Maybe I can convince Gar to let me work the repair shop until Draven let’s me go out into the field.” She looked back up at Cassian, who, too, was leaning against the wall, his eyes staring ahead of him thoughtfully, “I could keep an eye on Kay, make sure no one fucks up his programming.”

At that, Cassian smiled lazily, looking back up to meet Jai’s eyes with a nearly teasing look, “Who’s to say you won’t be the one to fuck it up?”

Jai’s jaw dropped in a look of mock offense, her eyes shiny with surprised amusement -- Cassian just cracked a joke with her. The man continued to smirk smally at her, waiting for the inevitable comeback.

“If you keep giving me attitude I will.” She countered, shaking her head with mirth as the doors opened again, and the two stepped out, walking to the barracks entrance in companionable silence.

It didn’t matter that they’d surely get their asses handed to them by their superiors once Draven called them back for a debriefing -- they’d collected the information, they got off of Dannaskar unharmed, and they seemed to have finally moved on from their petty disdain for one another. At least for a little while longer, they could feel calm and content.

Cassian wouldn’t admit it out loud, but in that moment, the two of them walking together, covered in the grime from a mission that nearly went to hell, he saw a future rebel beside him, someone that he could, perhaps one day, come to trust.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Agreement [uh-gree-muhnt]

noun

the act of agreeing or of coming to a mutual arrangement/understanding

the state of being in accord

#cassian andor #cassian andor x original character #cassian andor x oc #cassian andor x reader #diego luna #rogue one #star wars #star wars fic #rogue one fic #rogue one fanfiction #ca #fics #fics*#saudade #will the tags work??? if they dont we riot

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wammys-house-a · 5 years ago

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Page CXXI ⎯ Secrets

Awoke 5:49 ⎯ Late again.

Another promise to myself broken

The room is faded in dawn's bleaching white radiance.

Spring's heat raises from the folds of my sheets, the collar of my shirt, sweat trickles down my spine as I breath slow, shallow.

Luminated dust meets my slumber-drunk vision, floating on my breath, flickering like earth bound stars, like sparkling embers from dragon maws, burning through my dreams.

⎯ The illusion is still on my fingertips...

But slipping away like sand though a glass,

In my dreams,

our home was lit by an unseen power.

The walls unmarred by the feeds of electric lines, without outlets, the lamps glowed on golden perches like pygmy suns. I had not believed B, when he said it was the result of a tsuki-mono, a curse passed down through b l o o d l i n e s...

But when he held one of the glowing orbs in his hands and I looked into the ivory light, I saw there was nothing there to keep it alive...

At the heart of this structure, the source of it’s power.

⎯ Beneath the house, a secret .

Ecclesiastical fenestrations cast prismic light into the scaffold ribs like captive rainbows but could not penetrate the underbelly, where stone walls wept ⎯ windowless, their long alleys, narrowed like spires until they converged to a single door . . .

Behind it, truth.

B led me down, down into the quiet core where the tear drop lanterns grew dim and died in the night held hostage in our home’s roots. We groped along the walls together, blind but emboldened by the other’s company until he found it and pushed open the door.

Within ⎯ a curtain of light bleed inexplicably from the basement ceiling, like daylight piercing a forest canopy.

Resting beneath it’s glimmering veil was a long, polished b o x perched on spiraling iron legs that penetrated the concrete floor like the roots of Methuselah.

⎯ Richly veined, it’s scarlet mahogany surface was like that of the floorboards in the halls above, making the c o f f i n both familiar and as disquietingly foreign as friend that one has not seen in many years.

As I drew up to it’s side, my perspective shifted as though I was sinking imperceptibly into the ground, until my line of sight was even with the base of the smooth varnished lip.

I was suddenly small... Like a child.

I pressed my weight onto my toes and reaching out blindly, my fingers meeting the chilly facade of the closed lid.

Dust or static created a strange, phantom-velvet texture, overlaying the polished surface beneath my touch.

Then, I glided them down, d o w n

until my fingers met an indentation . . .

⎯ The edges sharp as engraved stone.

Foreboding grew as I followed the carved line, it enlarging,

e l o n g a t i n g ,

the size of it traced beneath my fingers, a trail that for an instant I thought might stretch all the way to the foot to crease down it’s throat ⎯

But then ... I felt it curve , slope .

It was an answer waiting.

What l e t t e r was cut into the wood⎯ ?

Startling awake, I opened by eyes to the shimmering sunlight that had penetrated my dreams ...

My body, hot and aching with words left unsaid,

⎯ " ... I don't want to know . . . "

⎯ 11:13

Can I even call what he is doing to me betrayal?

The desperate hammering of my heart is the same ear filling thump, coming hard against the door as I hid behind it’s brass lock ⎯ Backup’s heel; the buckling, booming rattle of his rage in the background of my agonizing desire to

just.

be.

a l o n e . . .

I suppose, I may finally have it.

This is my fault.

In my desperation to delay the end of this game we've spent half our lives playing, I lost sight of my principles. Perhaps, my escalating insincerity and his giftedness, made this ultimately inevitable.

Experience has left me few doubts of his semi-clairvoyance but only now am I considering what his precision implies...

That there is a fated nature to it all.

That I never had a chance.

It took two ego-bruising weeks, driving my exhaustion bone-deep, before I began to consider that the passion that had sustained me for nearly two decades was fading. My spirit had withered with the effort to reach it more depleting. I began to wonder, if I simply wasn’t good enough to solve this one.

Just as despair took hold of me, B's index finger came uninvited over my shoulder and pressed into the screen ⎯ creating a rippling prismatic bulls-eye over one photograph in a sea of over one-hundred-twenty.

The answer. The next fatality.

He handed it to me, without having asked.

⎯ Cooperation is forbidden; it complicates the variables and the validity of the existing hierarchy, it obscures where our loyalties truly lie...

I knew it and took it anyway.

Because I am not who I should be.

They wouldn’t be questioning him now, if I had not created a trail in retrospect, justifing my intuition .

A thread of truth could be enough to hang me.

Facing the possibility of losing all that anchors me, I am on the precipice of a terrible epiphany — choking on the question; ⎯ " Where does the person I’m trying to be end, and who I am begin ? "

I once believed that who I was could be distilled down to it’s essence, that if the parts that did not matter could be cut away;

the fingers that brace me,

the feet that carry me,

the sight that leads me --

What was left would be me , a tiny piece of the universe that had becoming miraculously and unmercifully aware of itself... And, that I could never truly lose myself.

I am beginning to doubt that.

And with a fascinated horror, I am beginning to realize that I simply don't know how to be anything other than what I have been trying to be for the last seven years... I don't think I would know who I was if everything but my life was taken from me.

Staring down the barrel of a derelict future, the prospect of my life coming to an abrupt end is disconcertingly comforting...

Actually, in the darkness of a loss of this depth, the alleys that pave the way to massacres are unnervingly clear ...

and I don't know if who I am beneath Alternative is above k i l l i n g y o u a l l ...

That prospect is no longer unthinkable.

I once asked a senior pathologist if the difficulty of dismembering a body was a limiting factor for suspects, to which they warned me to be careful of assumptions because almost anyone is capable of almost anything — given enough time and determination.

It is particularly poient in this moment as I contemplate how long it would take me to pick all your locks and strangle you in your sheets ...

Slip thallium into the soup, listen to you all miserably puking out your corroding insides as metallic venom slithers into your brains before they can get it o u t.

Trace the opulent halls with ignition fluid following up to your doors with you barricaded inside ... praying for smoke to coat your lungs, to smother you from the inside.

Watch B crawl out to see the carnage.

see it dawn on him that this is no accident,

see a genuine response — unadulterated by his intellect or prevarication — just raw, bleeding instinct from this animal I've called my friend, becoming at once so mortal and so equal to me, that we can end this era of our lives together in violently, intimate truth ...

Maybe you would understand, if everything you were was on the brink of utter erasure. You might find that you aren’t who you thought you were either.

The truth is, I am afraid that if I cannot have it, I can't find it within me to recognize that I owe it to my species, to civilization itself, to let B take it from me.

Not in this way.

I don't know how I thought this would ultimately end, If B would wrench victory from me or if I would wait on a tragedy to eliminate my part in all of this...

But not betrayal, not when it's my fault.

I think I was resigned to carry forward indefinitely, — losing pieces of who I thought I was to the current I've been fighting against, believing that if I only kept going, and never stopped, I might outrun regret and what could have been.

Maybe I believed I would rekindle faith again — in myself, in this path, in leaving a better world for the next A .

Maybe a world one step closer to not needing an L at all.

If nothing had stopped me, one day there would have been nothing left but Alternative. He is not a mask one can take off when it becomes inconvenient, he is a skin you sew yourself into slowly, until his integrity is what's keeping you intact.. A has become a deathbed I realized too late I was making.

But, it isn't that I never thought of leaving.

I could walk away...

Wandering like a ghost, unhindered by past or societal taxonomy, exempt from the yokes placed on young men to make them whatever is most useful; armed with bibles or guns or shovels to do what needs to be done.

But, my freedom is overshadowed by the total absence of certainty, my purpose swallowed up by a life concentrated on survival. — Adrift, I know there will be no rescue when any there was lies six feet under and rotting.

I have no one. I am no one.

I know many resent their safety nets while accept cliff sides nesting sleepless vipers. I don't envy them, despite being in freefall myself. — At least, I don't have to go home to fight more battles than those I am already losing...

That is why I don't resent Wammy's House.

This path spared me what will haunt so many others — I've no memories captured in the immoral chirons of media posts or infinite digital clouds.

The voices and faces that once comforted me have been slowly pulled ever-deeper into my conciousness, my mind quietly eating itself alive, —

the way nature intended

I never had the opportunity to agonize over unwashed sheets, holding the last trace of their scent, because there was nothing left for me to hold onto.

My loss left no footprints for me to follow.

All I have is the implicit memory of sunlit lilies draped over searing black coffins and the lingering hope that it would mean something ... someday.

Maybe that's why this is so hard to give up.

I don't want it all to amount to nothing.

I have become nothing but t h i s , now.

I am nothing without t h i s .

If he takes everything from me,

I will leave L nothing to salvage.

I don't want my motives misconstrued.

What I will do with the Backup does not make him collateral damage in my private catastrophe.

He is not a martyr.

I am not inspired by a hatred of B for his opportunism,

It is not that he doesn't deserve victory, it is that, if he turns on me now, he has proven he has no honor.

An L without honor is a monster of limitless evil.

I am recovering my friend's body

and incidentally sparing you an incomparable tyranny.

I cannot speculate on how Wammy's has shaped B's psyche, but he has always had a recusant character ... and he knows I can keep a secret.

⎯ "Why did you do it?..." He sucks his teeth at the question as though there's room for doubt, as though he could delude me too. ⎯ "You didn't have a good time at the party, Alt’ ?" I watched him begin idly digging into his coat, the collar billowing around his face, his complexion is a sickly pale against it’s dark grey tweed ⎯ "You've gone too far this time. " He knew it, but I wanted nothing to be ambiguous about where I stood. ⎯ “You're not taking this seriously. Someone could have been killed. You could have been, I could have been- What is wrong with you? ” He pulled something from his slacks and only when he struck it against his heel did I recognize it was a match. He shook his head at my indictment but gave no indication of noticing that I had taken a step back. ⎯ “No, you wouldn’t.” His face turns, dark lashes casting sleepy shadows over the clinquant daylight caught in his eyes. I'm struck by how young he looks For a fleeting instant, I'm acutely aware that the teenager I'm standing next to is the same boy that played hide and seek with me in the meadow, long before we cared where this path was leading us. And, I am scared that if he turns a meager smile on me, I might forget all the heart ache he's caused. I might remember ... what it felt like to meet my wild-eyed friend at the fenceline and escape what brought us here, immerse ourselves in a world far away from the homesickness and disappointed adults and the fear of what would come apart next. When our hands would meet on the sun-warmed bars, metal and skin becoming homogenized heat that bound rather than separated us in a way that felt timeless to my seven year old senses, when it never crossed my mind that one day our fingers would grow too big to fit between the gaps... Standing together on the grassy nole, the breeze combs tender fingers through my hair and I sigh quietly as we watched the dining hall being assessed for damages, the smoldering aftermath of what should have been a re-birthday now the scene of a bottle rocket's explosion. The blossoming, radiant morning rang with shrill alarms and the sharp scent of flash powder like heaven at war. B lit a cigarette and perched it on his lip, allowing the silence that fell between us tell me everything I needed to know. Outrage swelled within me like a rising tide. He didn't think I deserved an explanation, I'm just another pawn caught up in whatever game he's playing,

⎯ "Why are you-?... Are you trying to tick me off ? !" He inhaled. soft, unruffled.

Uncaring. Not even meeting my eyes. ⎯ "You are .... your most endearing when you're angry, you know that?" His words carried on the smoke exiting his lungs, mirroring that pouring out of our home's windows between crashing booms. — "Direct and honest. ... For once. The right girl will appreciate that about you, you should stop wasting time and find her." He smiled around the smoldering stick in that way he does when he knows he's made a clever move and wants to say without saying ‘what now?’ I could viscerally feel my flushed rage. He's the only person I know that can belittle me with such a thorny effect, making me feel petulant and ridiculous for expecting anything from him, like he owes me. ⎯ "You'll put yourself into an early gave with those, B." I wanted it to be true. I want to spite him.

Maybe I want him to die right now. If one of the agents mistook us for intruders and shot him here in the blood-velvet reeds, then my company would be all he had. Then, maybe, he would appreciate that I’m here and what that really means, in spite of it all. Instead, B pulls the cigarette from his lips and flicks it against his fingers, letting ash fall like loose petals to the breeze. Careless. — "Ironic you would say that ..." Cryptic. It's as though he wants to rile me up. He should know by now where he is provocative, I am unrelenting — because I have to be, because I have to survive him. In my periphery, I take notice of the unfamiliar security moving in our direction and feel a twinge of fear that I should be more careful of what I wish for. But I don't move, there's nowhere to go and I admit there is an unexpected ounce of relief in the approaching danger. Though I'm not certain where it's from... — "There are so many... did they bring them here for us? Do you think it has to do with the bioterror case?" ⎯ " I considered that." He said with another flick of his cigarette. — " But, there's not enough unrest. No lock down, no interrogations, no medical testing, no travel bans. We’re going head-long into this, it's inevitable. It's a matter of when, not if, but we aren’t there yet... I warned him— about K, about X, about Y— but he won't listen. I did it, so when this is all over, he'll know I was right and he was wrong." "He's unreachable..."

— "He is. But, he would notice I breached security and slipped into his case files and left him a puzzle to follow. If he pieced it together, he knows someone's predicted who won't make it out of this alive." More than the fire and the guards, I am astonished by his lack of concern for self-preservation. "Christ— He might think you're part of it!" — "Maybe. Maybe that's why they are here, because as far as I can see I've either failed or he was never here to begin with." Bewilderment is followed by a surge of understanding that spreads over me like ice water, "You did this to flush L out..." ⎯ " P r o r s u s. " Exactly.

This is what it feels like to wait for the end of the world Only for it not to happen... — B said nothing. Battling a remarkably bloodless gratitude, I stumble to find something to say — anything in my lightheaded shock that's replaced the black-buzzing distress... but nothing comes. He begins to walk away, just as thank you begins to form unsteadily in my throat, but there emerges the smallest prick of dissatisfaction at this outcome that leaves me feeling too ashamed of being ungrateful to speak above a whisper . ... it's a macabre disappointment. I realize I have been holding onto a poisonous hope that B would show his true colours, that I would be exempt from our abiding alliance, I would have enough reason to take control, — that my end would be a turning point, that I could choose to burn it all down and not be fated to disappear quietly... Now, I've returned to the same indecision that will most likely lead to exactly that. But... I cannot ponder further how I may outmeuver fate, why he chose to continue a more difficult path with me as an obstacle, nor confront the calamitous fear lurking within me — I cannot risk the possibility that this will ever be seen. I cannot justify condemning us both, though that was my original intention. In the end, I didn't want my last chapter written by speculators. I didn't want the flaws in their design to go unaddressed, the way they must remain while I'm alive to suffer the consequences of failed propriety. I wanted them to know why. Now, no one can know these things ... I'm afraid that no one ever will, that by the time the real end arrives, I will not recognize it's here...

Of all the secrets I've kept, I think those that I know will die with me terrify me the most.

#enteries #death note #wammys house #beyond birthday #death note a #a (death note)#Journal Entry #Entries

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lemonietrinket · 5 years ago

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Trio ||| Minhyuk x Reader x Jooheon

Summary: Movie nights with your favourite bickering friends is always an event to behold. Everything is peaceful with your trio of giggles, and that’s the way it would stay. You were sure of it. Genre: Fluff Warning(s): Oneshot that accidentally gained a plot that may now need a sequel but I’m busy so idk Word Count: 2831 Theme Song: Humph! - Pentagon AN: December 12 prompt, movie night. Credit as usual goes to @songi-writes I’m going to keep tagging I’m sorry I don’t want to be annoying but I feel like a thief otherwise I’m sorryyyy!! Do I call him Jooheon? Joohoney? I do not know ..... i love u bb joo i promise

~~~

The living room was filled to the brim with near-manic giggles that didn’t falter even as you entered the room. Confusedly tilting your body round the door frame, you caught a glimpse of the thick fluffy blanket on the sofa moving as if it had a life of its own. The amalgamation of pastel blue fluff juddered as another roar of raucous laughter emanated from its depths, its sides flourishing and stretching at random while it snorted unceremoniously.

Quickly grabbing the snacks from the kitchen counter, you hurried into the fray, coming to a halt directly at the side of the beast.

Upon closer inspection, you could see the shapes rippling beneath the blanket reflected one person being held captive by the other, and, going by the sudden convulsions at one end, said captive was being tickled ferociously—leading him to kick wildly in response.

You didn’t even need to listen in to work out who was the perpetrator here, though deciphering who started it would perhaps be a trickier endeavour.

Dropping the snacks on the coffee table, you crouched down strategically, aiming to free the victim from his torture. Tactfully, you leant in at an angle that allowed precision and accuracy, and low enough so to avoid any collateral.

And then, you struck.

Minhyuk took the jab below the ribs with glamorous dignity. And glamorous dignity meant shrieking like a fox.

The manoeuvre gave Jooheon a chance to escape, which he took gladly, knocking the blanket off his head and breathing a huge sigh of relief.

“It’s not over yet soldier!” you exclaimed, swooping in to protect him from recapture, catching Minhyuk’s arms as they swung round to grapple Jooheon back to his body. “Honey, get him!”

“Oh!” Jooheon was startled, but immediately dug his fingers into his band mate’s sides. Cackling, Minhyuk tried to wriggle free, but found himself laughing too hard.

“G-guys! Sto-! P... h—yah!”

“We will never relent!” you declared, letting go of his wrists, deciding he was rendered practically immobile by that point, and joined in on the assault.

Bad move.

Instantly Minhyuk caught you instead, dragging you onto his chest and using his legs—albeit trapped in the end of the blankets—to push Jooheon down onto the two of you.

Yelping at the sneak attack, you were immediately trapped in Minhyuk’s grip, leaving him free to do whatever he wished, which in this case was unleashing an merciless attack upon your stomach. You were left barely able to breathe between laughter, your body shifting wildly with every jolt of giddiness, while Jooheon was left to collapse on your back, cheek squished against your shoulder as he scolded the perpetrator weakly.

Minhyuk laughed victoriously, his master plan of a cuddle pile coming together neatly, even though he couldn’t really breathe either.

Suddenly though, there was a high-toned thud that made you all freeze.

“What was that?” Jooheon asked groggily.

You grimaced. “The remote, I think.”

The two turned simultaneously to glare disapprovingly at Minhyuk as you groaned, it no doubt being a consequence of his kicking legs.

“Hey!” he whined, “I didn’t know it was there! Also you were tickling—! You can’t blame me entirely!

Clambering off the sofa, you left him to pick up the blanket as you joined Jooheon in searching for the lost remote.

He had his head hanging down the gap between the sofa, end-table and armchair, attempting to spot the black remote in the shadow there. You rolled your eyes at the slight lack of common sense, leaning over to turn on the lamp on the table.

The click and sudden ability to see made him jump slightly, but he swung himself a little further down nonetheless. “I can’t see it here!” he called.

You huffed, scowling exaggeratedly at Minhyuk who reciprocated with an even more hyperbolic pout, before laying your hand on Jooheon’s back, indicating for him to stand up.

You felt his body stiffen slightly at your touch, head reappearing to make eye contact with you, bemused.

“I hope it’s not under the chairs,” you remarked, crouching down onto the carpet, “otherwise Minnie’s in big trouble!”

You heard Jooheon laugh at him and say a teasing comment that you couldn’t quite make out as you pressed your head onto the floor, your phone flashlight on. Your shoulders slumped as you spotted the remote nearly in the very centre of the space below the armchair.

“Found it,” you sighed, obviously disgruntled, “it’s under there but it’s too far for me to reach and,” you got to your feet, brushing your hands on your shirt, “like hell I’m sticking my hand under there.”

“Why not?” Minhyuk asked, tugging Jooheon’s ear until you pursed your lips at him, to which he smiled, wide and bright, and let him go. “You... scared?”

You protested his accusation. “Uh?! Hyuk? Are you not scared of the under-space? That’s the place where demons live, I’ll have you know.”

He scoffed, passing Jooheon and patting you on the head. “Well, I’m not scared, I’ll get the remote.”

“Yeah, and because it’s your fault it went missing in the first place, remember! You are totally doing the washing up today.” You chuckled at the huff you heard from the floor.

The other man just laughed. “There’s no such thing as demons, Y/N.”

You looked him dead in the eye, slightly taken aback by how beautiful his eyes were. Fashioned of a gemstone in normal situations, in the lamplight they had become the glittered pools of two galaxies. “Can you be sure?.”

As you perched on the edge of the sofa, you could barely stop the giggle from arising from your throat as you heard Jooheon check with Minhyuk that demons didn’t exist, the laughter gradually dying in his voice.

And especially when the man on the floor just brightly replied, “If thinking that helps you sleep at night, sure!”

Jooheon looked back to you, a highly unnerved expression upon his features. He looked so adorable when he was ever so slightly petrified.

“Oh, Honey, it’s ok they don’t exist, I promise,” you cooed, motioning for him to come and join you on the sofa. He obliged, soft lips set in a trembling pout, taking the space to your left and curling into your chest as soon as you opened your arms for a cuddle. You couldn’t resist squishing his cheek gently, reassuringly holding him close.

“And even if there was, Honey, we’d never let them hurt you,” Minhyuk added, before jumping up victoriously, remote in hand, “I got it!”

You nodded, playfully smushing both of Jooheon’s cheeks so his lips were pursed. “Besides, most demons are nice anyways. They just get a bad rep.”

Minhyuk sent you a quizzical look, but you pointed to the TV, silently asking him to load up the film. “We’ve procrastinated long enough, I think.”

He put his hands on his hips. “The things you make me do, Y/N.”

You pulled an indignant face at him, which he mimicked right back, before turning to the set, opening the box and placing the disk in the tray.

Once it was done, he returned to the sofa, retrieving the blanket and arranged it so it covered you and Jooheon nicely, and then finally climbing under himself.

“Thank you~!” you sang, watching him shuffle and get comfortable, before inclining towards, but not quite against, your free shoulder. You wondered how long it would take for him to give in and sprawl across you, basically making you into a pillow for two tired dorks.

Not that you minded. They were so warm, and you like being crushed with affection, genuinely. The true remedy for touch-starvation. Besides, it was your choice of film, and though you were interested in it, it wasn’t one that the other two were that fussed about, so you’d foreseen this.

Taking the remote from Minhyuk as he shifted, you held it to Jooheon, for him to press the buttons. After all, though arguments over who got to use the remote was something you had not foreseen the first time, you weren’t about to let that happen again any time soon.

The film menu screen faded into black, and you felt Minhyuk’s arm snake around your waist.

50 minutes, you thought, 50 minutes will be how long it takes before they’re out like lights.

The film was as enriching as you expected, and you couldn’t help but mentally gush about just how on point the metaphors were, or how the colour schemes helped foreshadow the unfurling events—you realised as you went. And usually it took a lot to distract you from all movies. However, the two things that could distract you the most were situated on either side of you, and they were doing a brilliant job of it by somehow putting in as little effort as possible.

It hadn’t taken long at all for Minhyuk to give into resting his head on your shoulder. He’d started off by nuzzling his nose into your neck, deliberately trying to distract you so you would hold his hand. When you did as he wished, he decided he was happy with his head upon your shoulder, and so there he remained. Eventually, he untwined his fingers from yours in favour of holding you in his arms fully, and so you resorted to threading your fingers through his hair, very carefully easing out any knots you stumbled across.

That had been what sent him to sleep, you reasoned, with his arms clutching you like a teddy bear. Very occasionally he hummed in his sleep, tiny whines or murmurings of something barely understandable. One time you thought he’d uttered the word ‘love’ but it was hard to tell, with his mumbling coinciding with a swell in the music of the film.

It remained though that you’d no doubt overestimated his willpower by a good 40 minutes. He hadn’t opened a single packet of snacks, nor asked what was going on. It amused you how quick they were to lull into the arms of sleep when warm and coddled. It made you feel good, that they felt secure in your arms enough to drift off whenever.

Meanwhile, it was Jooheon that had proved to be much stronger, willing his heavy eyelids not to droop too low and lull him into a sleep. He was sullenly watching the film, somewhat transfixed by its motions and colours, rather than the messages and dialogue, but he’d stayed awake for a while, even if he hadn’t gotten anywhere near the 50 minute mark.

“Hey Honey, you doing ok?” you whispered, smoothing his shirt sleeve beneath he blanket.

He nodded once, lacking the energy or the desire to do anymore than that. He was perfectly comfortable where he was, not wanting to move a millimetre if it meant causing even the slightest bit of discomfort.

“You want any snacks?” you enquired, receiving the tiniest shake of his head. It wasn’t like you could reach them anyway.

You rubbed his back, feeling him press closer into you, if that were even possible. “It’s ok, Honey, you can go to sleep. Heaven knows you need it after the week you’ve had.”

It was if you’d whispered the final command of a hypnotist, as right after the words left your lips, he let his eyes close, nestling his hands to grip your shirt rather than the blanket loosely, and gave into sleep.

You felt your heart lurch as you felt Jooheon’s breath steady. Glancing across carefully at Minhyuk and admiring how the light of the TV arched across the bridge of his nose, you found no respite as your breath hitched in your throat.

You’d never questioned what you had. You were eternally grateful to have it. You had two people who cared for you so deeply that they immediately travelled to your door from the other side of the city, when all you did was mention that you were a little gloomy that evening. You of course would have done the exact same. But what was it all?

You didn’t let the voices owned by all those unsettled and interrogatory faces into your thoughts that often, because what use was it? But even your obstinate tendencies couldn’t deny that they all did see something, that they all then latched onto like limpets. Constantly asking if one of them was your boyfriend. Acting overtly surprised when you shook your head vividly and asserted ‘no’. Questioning if you were leading both of them on. And then never letting the idea drop no matter how many times you saw them, no matter how many times you requested them to.

It was none of their damn business, you were close as friends, a peaceful trio uncomplicated by labels. Friends could be close and touchy and clingy if they wanted to, and you told them that, square to their faces. Only to find them laugh at you strangely.

That laugh, you’d witnessed in other scenarios, was the one that people always used when they knew something the others didn’t. The laugh people heard when they asked about their favourite character to an older fan, which never indicated their safety. The laugh people uttered under their breath when the movie was paused and they knew something bad was going to happen to one of the characters.

Dramatic irony.

But you weren’t in love with them, either of them, neither Minhyuk nor Jooheon. No. Well, at least not in that way. At least, you thought.

A particularly loud mumble brought you out of your thoughts, as Minhyuk shifted his weight on your shoulder.

“Min?” No response.

You exhaled in a quiet chuckle. From his new position, you could see even less of his face, his lips instead pressed against your neck, his breath tickling your skin. His grip was tight at your side, as if he was afraid you’d leave.

You moved your hand from his hair, and placed it at his waist, caressing the sliver of bare skin you found uncovered there absentmindedly.

Your thoughts swirled, urging you to pull him closer—both of them closer. Even though they were both practically on top of you, you wanted them closer.

What did that even mean...?

You shook your head, taking a glimpse down at Jooheon, fast asleep. A mistake, as you suddenly felt that rise in your soul again. It wasn’t a new feeling, but you’d never felt it this strong before. You’d always written it off as a protective, almost nurturing feeling.

You forced your eyes to focus upon the film again, but you’d lost track of what was going on. The colours blurred and merely danced in front of you.

You wanted to...

No. That was completely, utterly, wholeheartedly a bad idea.

No matter how inviting the idea was, no matter how close they were.

You were just sappy because it was dark out and you were tired and because they’d been so sweet and funny and endearing.

But it was too late.

With your conscious miles behind, your body seemed to behave by itself. It was as if you watched yourself in third person. You supported Minhyuk’s head with a hand, as you leant down and placed a kiss onto Jooheon’s hair. Returning, you did the same for Minhyuk, brushing some loose strands back into place.

You sat up straight again, eyes naturally returning to the screen, and for a solid five seconds there was utter tranquil. No disturbance of a thought, no incessance of a noise.

And then your consciousness slammed back into your head as you realised what you’d done. What had you just done?

Panicking, with your chest heaving, you sought an escape route.

As smoothly as you could, you slipped out between the two of them. Making sure their heads were supported and their bodies covered with the blanket, you praised all the gods evidently watching over you at that moment that they didn’t wake up. Then, you snuck out of the room, into the bathroom, locking the door behind you. Sitting on the cool floor, focusing on your breath that was ringing in your ears, you interrogated yourself.

What did you do? Why did you do it? What were you going to do about it?

What you did not know was that they didn’t have a clue either.

When they decided to pretend to be asleep, they had expected to pull a ghost prank on you seamlessly. It would end in you screaming, chasing them around the place, and finally more cuddles when the film was over. They’d checked the bed earlier that day, it was certainly big enough for all three, despite what you’d said!

But now they were stuck, eyes flickering over each other’s faces, on opposite sides of the sofa.

“She kissed you?” Jooheon whispered first.

“Yes!” Minhyuk replied. “You too?”

“On the head, yes!”

“Same!”

Maybe things had just gotten a whole lot more complicated for the three of you.

~~~

AN: I’m sorry this fic was late, a lot of things got in my way yesterday. I’m really sorry it turned into a character piece too lol. Y/N has many feelings apparently sksksk

This was also not how I imagined this would turn out. I’m always adding plots to my oneshots pls save meeeee

I will fix up the masterlist soon, I promise.

College is a pain in the ass and coursework is murdering my soul so yeet me.

I’ll write the next part at.... some point....

Feedback is always welcome too like, I’m going to try and edit all of these after christmas so if you think something is too long then lmk

I’ll stop ANing now. Thank you for reading!

Masterlist

Edited: 18th May 2020

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daturanerium · 5 years ago

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i’m finally all caught up with @thepenumbrapodcast ‘s juno steel stories! here are my discordant thoughts on the story and the characters.

(i did this with the magnus archives season one, too! check it out here.)

SPOILERS FOR JUNO STEEL from s1e1 to s3ep2

general plot stuff:

this show. THIS SHOW. is written so well. the characterization is top-notch. the characters are fleshed out and interesting and engaging and they all grow and change and are affected by people and environments and time and events. they’re not static in the slightest.

i haven’t come across a story that deals with depression and suicidal idealization so well. i’m thoroughly impressed with how the writers both portrayed them and how well they have (so far) portrayed the healing process. wowowow.

THE LGBT REPRESENTATION IS OFF THE CHARTS. QUEERS LISTEN TO THIS SHOW. they have a nonbinary politician?? mlm romance and kiss in the first episode???? main character is nb with he/him pronouns??? SO MANY BADASS SAPPHIC SPY/MAFIA COUPLES.....IT TUGS AT MY HEART. the big strong guy is asexual??? i could go on for days but spoilers! just know that genuinely, you will not be disappointed.

this show has two main focuses/themes: trust and the future. it’s been so fantastic to see how juno and the other characters view both themes and how they changed themselves and/or others while encountering those themes in their everyday life.

ramses o’flaherty and the entire plotline that came with him was absolutely top-notch. it blew me away. ramses is a true complicated character, a grey area that makes you question everything you believe in. the storyline tackles politics, morals, and values while keeping it exciting and entertaining. it’s definitely one of my favorite storylines ever.

the writers are truly incredible. i’m really in awe. they inspire me! i wish i had the energy right now to give them the praise essay that they deserve but i’m really tired and i want to get this posted. someday!

the worldbuilding is the perfect balance between two extremes that a lot of scifi authors really struggle with. juno explains how a (sort of) functioning mars city works in a way that feels natural and easy to understand, and the world he describes is both familiar and fascinating. although the environment is different, the audience is all too familiar with corruption and capitalism and classism. they keep the world relatable while giving it some really new and funky details (do i want a cat with six eyes and a stinger? of course! do i want to step outside for more than five hours and get radiation poisoning? that’s up for interpretation). they also chose a great route in making this story take place in the aftermath of (what seems to be) a galactic war instead of taking the traditional Save The World, End The War scifi route. it’s refreshing, and again, relatable (especially to me: i was born after 9/11 and have lived through the entirety of the war in afghanistan so the underlining feeling that hyperion city has that Something is Going To Go Wrong....i feel that).

there is so much more i want to say but this has been sitting in my drafts for weeks and i want to get it posted!

tl;dr: juno steel is really a fantastic work of art. it’s engaging and relatable and teaches valuable lessons about healing, trusting, and moving on in ways i have never seen another piece of media do so successfully. please give it a listen if you have a chance!

some character/character arc thoughts under the cut :)

juno:

god so dumb. just so fucking stupid. i love him.

i’m going to be honest. s1 and the beginning of s2 Juno was really hard for me to listen to. the way he treated others obviously was, to put it lightly, not the best (the monitor incident with rita comes to mind; i really hated that). it almost got repetitive, and since i’m already not a big fan of the depressed-asshole trope i was kind of hanging by a thread by the time ramses came around.

god am i glad i stuck around. his character growth and maturity within the second half of season two and the beginning of season three has been so satisfying! it hasn’t been perfect, but that’s part of the reason why it’s so good--it’s realistic and believable. he’s realized where his faults lie and is making a physical and mental effort to better himself. he’s even doing it verbally, explaining to people he trusts (rita) that he’s trying to be better and then actually acting on it. too often we see the depressed-asshole say the “i’m trying to be better!” line but don’t see any actions following it that signify that effort--that was my fear going into this. but that’s really, truly not the case here, and it’s such a breath of fresh air. plus, in-canon-wise, i’m so happy for juno he’s come so far!

okay nonbinary king i see you

GET THIS LADY A CAT PLEASE.

that moment during the end of s2 when he found that baby rabbit in the sewers.....god.

juno appreciate rita challenge (accepted!)

his voice......is so soothing. except when he yells but he’s better now we’ve established that

i LOVE how as soon as he figures out that he likes you he sticks to you like glue. that’s super funny and cute and also fits him perfectly

miss dahlia rose if you’re out there.....

his complicated relationship with ramses was so fascinating and important. i loved listening to that storyline.

juno: “there’s no way in hell i’m doing this, fuck off” juno, five minutes later: [is doing it]

that’s pretty much the beginning plot of every episode lol ur so valid juno we love u

he’s ability to make the dumbest decisions continues to astound me. he likes to talk about how mick is always getting himself in trouble but god juno you’re really not one to talk

the fact that, in a world that literally runs on tech, he has no idea how a coms works. that’s so fucking funny. if you ignore the backstory that comes behind it.

did juno ever tell alessandra that he made it out of the desert alive or is she just out there in hyperion city somewhere mourning him with her wife?

i already sort of wrote on juno’s backstory but it’s so good. so good.

he’s so fucking soft. he loves so much!!!! and that scares him!!!! but he’s working on it!!!!!

rita:

is she the love of my life or do i just relate heavily to her? who knows

actually no we’re gonna talk about this

rita penumbrapodcast, queen of adhd. queen of oversharing. queen of tangents. queen of love. queen of excitement. queen of caring for her friends more than herself. queen of incredible intelligence shown in an unconventional way. queen of being underappreciated.

s1 and the beginning of s2 really stung me because i’ve been in rita’s positon--used as a punching bag by someone i care deeply about because it’s better me than someone else, because i’m willing to sacrifice my own health and safety for the sake of giving them an outlet. we put it under the guise of “helping”, but we don’t realize until later that it’s really not; we’re just letting them get away with hurting themselves and hurting us. the monitor incident comes to mind again. i actually had to pause and take a step away after hearing juno yell and the glass break--although my abusive friendships thankfully never got violent, that kind of unbridled anger was all too familiar and i was begging out loud for her to leave. she handles it like a champ, and i honestly can’t say whether or not that’s a good or bad thing: good because she knows he doesn’t mean it or bad because she’s used to it? because it’s later revealed that juno’s treated her poorly from the first day they met. i was really worried that their relationship was going to end up being static, “depressed-asshole bullies quirky female sidekick and she never fights back because she loves him” trope. but, thankfully, they’re not!

towards the end of s2 and the beginning of s3 we didn’t just see growth in juno, we saw growth in rita. she confronts juno through a thetabot down in the sewers, calling him out on his self-destructive tendencies and his habit of doing important things without anyone else’s help (in this case, disappearing for weeks without telling her where he was). she points out that maybe the only way for him to appreciate her is for her to do the same thing--disappear for weeks, forcing him to realize just how much he needs her. thankfully, this is after juno’s Big Realization, and he sincerely apologizes for his treatment of her and assures her that he’s trying to be better. (and, side note, but that apology was a good one. a really good one. he verbally acknowledges his many mistakes, including the one rita specifically mentioned, acknowledges that he does not deserve her forgiveness, tells her what he’s trying to do to be better, and then apologizes and asks for her help. that’s good. take notes, people.) later that season, she takes initiative for what seems to be the first time, coming up with a solid, well-thought-out plan, enacting it on her own, and saving both an entire city and her boss. you could probably hear my cheers from wherever you are on earth, because they were there and they were loud! rita saving the day mixed with juno breaking through the mind control with his overwhelming love and appreciation for her.....god. good stuff.

rita buying juno’s office as a surprise for him.......i Will cry

literally she’s just so wonderful i love her so much

every time she talks i’m like [one billion heart emojis mixed with like forty crying emojis]

RITA SPINOFF WHEN. i come from the critical role community so yall know for a fact i’ll back it on kickstarter

once her and juno’s relationship reaches a healthy balance (and they’re already well on their way which i’m so happy about!) they’re going to be so good together. so powerful. the Ultimate cheery vs broody relationship (although juno is less broody at this point and more....gentle asshole. we love growth). they were unstoppable before, but now? god help the galaxy lol

the fact that rita can just casually hack into literally any system in the galaxy is so.......impressive? hot? yeah.

please get this woman a girlfriend and a cat

rita x franny xoxo

RITA BACKSTORY WHEN. PLEASE KEVIN AND SOPHIE PLEASE AS A RITA STAN I AM POLITELY BEGGING YOU.

rita is now in space, which is an interesting development. i just.....”rita in space” is not something i would have ever guessed at a week ago

wait oh my god.

i was sitting here thinking rita has some sort of trust fund/is secretly rich and that’s how she bought juno’s office and kept it afloat, but with the most recent episode’s developments it’s probably equally if not more likely that she either hacked into the nearest bank to give herself the creds needed or hacked the person she was buying it from to make it seem like she had made the payments. i literally adore her whoops

the little rita episodes make me so happy and i hope we get more of them!

tldr: i love her and she deserves the world and more, i’m glad her relationship with juno has changed into something a lot healthier with juno’s Realization mid-season-two, i hope she realizes the hero she already is in season three

peter:

.........oh how the turntables.

peter, season one: juno come with me so we can be together forever and travel the galaxy! i think i love you! juno: aw babe i wish i could but i’m sad and the city needs me :( peter, season three, when handed the opportunity to travel with a healing juno through the galaxy on a silver platter: actually fuck this lol i have One Job and it is to Only Think About My Current Assignment. this is smart and healthy.

this man.....this man right here officer. stole my fucking heart.

i don’t really have an essay for him because we haven’t seen enough of him to really gauge his character development beyond an obsession with debts and his aging. i’m guessing that will change this season though

the debts....what are they

can rita hack in and pay them off

god wouldn’t that be so funny. he spends his entire life trying to pay off these impossible debts and it’s stressing him out to the point where he feels he can’t focus on anything else. and one day he comes to the fam and explains everything and rita’s like “oh shit that’s easy i’ll take care of that right now!!! why didn’t you say something sooner” and hes like “what” and she’s like “yeah!” and he’s like “holy shit” and then he gets married to juno and they live happily ever after the end.

no but real talk

these debts. there’s a lot about them and the way he talks about them that really worries me. i feel like having them be simple money debt would be too easy, so maybe it’s something medical? that would explain both his obsession with his aging and his uncharacteristically excited reaction to the healing mother prime (i think that’s what it was whoops).

he also mentioned someone else before juno, someone that had some pretty strong romantic undertones. maybe they’re sick? but peter doesn’t seem like the type to throw away a relationship like that so quickly, so it doesn’t really match up that he would have someone sick and waiting for him but he’d still go after juno in season one. hmmm.

this one’s a real mystery lads. you think you have something figured out about peter nureyev but it just gives you more questions.

peter is the one mystery juno can’t solve. god, that’s good.

his voice is so good. i don’t remember who his voice actor is but they’re doing a fantastic job thank you!!!!

i actually don’t picture peter like how he’s portrayed in the official art and fanart? i wish i was an artist so i could draw him the way i see him but alas. (i still really like his official design tho!)

listen. you give me a mysterious thief that doesn’t exist and i am Forced to love him. i have a type.

thankfully peter seemed to come around during the most recent episode (s3e2 the man in glass) so i don’t think we’re going to get a repeat of season one. these debts, whatever they are, are definitely going to cause problems. i can’t wait to see what the writers do with this.

(my only fear is that it will end up fitting the “gay character has a sickness parallel to aids and it is incurable” trope. although the writers have so far done a fantastic job of writing queer characters and worlds as well as turning tropes on their heads, so even if it may seem like that’s the case in the beginning, i’ll most likely stick through it to see where they take it. i trust them).

peter i know you’ve never had a family in your life but. im gonna tell you a secret here. found family is cool and good and you’ll like it if you give it a chance.

i love him and as soon as i cut my hair short i’m gonna cosplay him. fashion king

peter nureyev makes me want to fall in love

watching (listening) to juno grow and mature was already fantastic, but to see it through the eyes of someone who respects him, cares for him, and loves him deeply? good lord.

the way peter talks about juno.....yeah.

and peter as an individual....WOW. master thief, yes wow impressive! but his growth is already focusing so much on trust and it’s been written so well. i can’t wait to see how much he continues to grow and learn to trust this season!!!

i would love to see him continue to narrate s3. i think it’s a really strong change of pace and it also puts some extra emphasis on juno’s growth while focusing on peter’s motivations and inner thoughts. i’m genuinely fine either way tho!

tl;dr: i love u emo boy i love u i love u

#the penumbra podcast #penumbra spoilers #juno steel #peter nureyev #rita penumbra #ramses o'flaherty #god i genuinely love this show so much and i can't wait for the new episodes to come out

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