#i genuinely dont think this fucker is manipulating me

[undirectedenergy]

Me, trying to heal, grow, be vulnerable or whatever, directly asking my partner what his ulterior motive is for wanting to be with me

Him "What you mean like other than the joy of connecting deeply with another human being, literally the thing that makes life worth living?"

Me laughing, internally screaming

[thenixkat]

oh hey, an issue of Captain Atom focusing on Captain Atom and Blue Beetle Captain ATom (1987) issue 20

Oh hey, Captain Atom in his og look hanging out with Dan Garrett/Blue Beetle 1

now why is this issue titled 'The Silver Lie'?

Captain Atom is a superhero who was created by and works for the military. In this continuity, he got framed for some shit, tried for treason, and took part in a secret experimental project to get pardoned. The project flung him 20 yrs into the future and gave him superpowers but the only fuckers who knew he was supposed to be pardoned said, 'nah yer property of the US government we might maybe let you see yer kids if you behave and do as yer told'

I think this is disregarding Justice League stuff where fuckers just know Blue Beetle 2's identity because he didnt really hide it from his fellow heroes for some reason.

Why is Ted so fucking aggressive here. But also when would he have sold his company to the organization behind this drug ring? He doesnt own the company at this point so he couldnt have sold it. Fuck it, we just making shit up to have a plot

since when did Ted ever go around calling Dan, Daniel?

So Captain Atom is going to trick Ted into working with him to take down this drug ring by claiming that he and Dan used to be a team which is …'sigh' …Dan has the Bug and uses it as transport… Ok so the people working on this comic didn't know SHIT about the Dan Garrett Blue Beetle or they think Ted didn't know shit about Dan's Blue Beetle. Either way this is insulting to me, the reader, who does know shit

Captain Atom has the decency to feel bad about lying to Ted at least.

at least this comic does acknowledge that Ted gets bitches unlike the lies JLI tells

The company Ted's investigating tried to murder him with a taxi b/c they think he's trying to do corporate espionage yeah this shit with Dan is really either under researched or downright insulting Captain ATom genuinely feels terrible manipulating Beetle like this

ok that confirms it, these writers dont think Ted knows shit about Dan's time as Blue Beetle

huh, Ted never finds out that Captain Atom was lying and they remain friends

wow

[shoezuki]

Tommy's prison/revival arc isnt well written actually

Anyways ive been wanting to talk on it a while for a bit here but havent had the Time or like. The thought to. But im gonna go off now.

First off im gonna say im ASSUMING this stream and plot of tommy being in the prison with dream is written entirely by tommy and dream. Wilbur May be involved in the latest stream but im not sure.

Bringing tommy back to life after only three days of him being dead did practically nothing to progress plot, the characters, or audience's understanding. In fact i feel that it damaged Other characters' potential and plot and already established plotlines.

The 'development' aspect

A really, really easy way to see if anything has changed or developed through an arc or plotline is to straightup just compare the 'beginning' to the 'end' in terms of the barebones situation. So;

Beginning: tommy is trapped in an isolated prison cell with dream, his own abuser who has hurt him in the past, for an unknown amount of time. He's terrified of dream and being stuck there with him.

End: tommy is trapped in an isolated prison cell with dream after being killed then revived by him, his own abuser whos hurt him in the past, for an unknown amount of time. Hes terrified of dream and being stuck there with him.

Okay. This is simplified obvious. But the point stands. ALTHOUGH the troupe of 'going back to the beginning' is common in the heroes journey its. It doesnt work here. Has tommy learned anything? Has he changed as a character? Is the severity of their situation any different? Have we, as the audience, learned anything new?

Im going to expand on that last point because i think it has the strongest potential argument. Technically for progression in literature and development of plot/characters, things can Change without them being Aware as characters. It can change just by the audience's perception changing or being challenge.

Slight example: i've been reading a webcomic called Your Throne. Its a fantasy/political drama about a noble lady who entered a competition with another noble lady to become the empress. The main lady lost despite her being a better fit, and the comic starts with the main lady trying to assassinate the empress. Its assumed and stated by the main lady that she 'ruined her life' and so thats all the readers know. However, later in the novel we see flashbacks to the competition itself and find that the two ladies were extremely close friends, neither wanting anything bad for the other, but it was the emperor himself who manipulated both of them for his own agenda. Those flashbacks gave us an entirely different idea of who the real antagonist is and completely changed the two main ladies' relationship. THAT is how the audience's understanding of the plot and novel can be used to change the entire story. We dont get such here though

Some things that were brought to light during tommy being dead/revived:

Dream is capable of reviving people infinitely

This was already implicated and assumed. The book dream has being a means of reviving people has been around Technically since schlatt's death. This just 'confirmed' what was known

Time works differently/feels longer in the afterlife

This doesnt really impact much beyond emotions and implications. If we had more insight into what the 'afterlife' is like beyond nothingness perhaps so. But really it just makes it so wilbur being dead for what feels like 9 years and tommy having been dead for 2 months appeal to emotions.

Wilbur is evil

This one fuckin sucks i cant lie HSKSHSISSGEGDV. Like i was gon go on bout it and i will but it jus sucks. We have nothing to go on besides tommy's word, no examlles of what Horrible things wilbur said could make tommy assume this, etcetc. Ill most likely make a seperate post on how this feels like we're just going to get 'wilbur is a horrible villain' type with him. But still. I feel wilbur Not Being Good isnt a new development.

Dream is going to revive wilbur

This doesnt feel new either, part because phil had wanted to revive wilbur before (ill get to that more later) and that tommy had kept dream alive/initially imprisoned him with the idea of him reviving wilbur.

Dream believes wilbur will break him out of prison

Okau this makes no sense to me actually. I cwnt understand How exactly wilbur would be able to do this? Or why dream believes he even Could? Mans been dead for like 9 years and all we Know of the afterlife is that its black... nothingness. How would 9 years of that make wilbur capable of busting the prison open?

So. Yeah. All in all this plotline hasnt done anything new, developed things, or altered people's perceptions. We just ended up back at square one. Back to tommy being traumatized, dream being 'evil' and horrible and doing villain monologues, and them being stuck together.

Other characters and plotlines

Im pretty damn sure tommy's revival fucked up a LOT of other characters' plotlines and potential development. Honestly i feel this has a lot to do with the writers not communicating with other ccs well enough. But Ill talk about specific characters from least to most fucked over in my opinion:

Sam

He's the best off. He hqd been there during tommy's death, had been close to tommy, had majorly blamed himself and his own mistakes for tommy's death. His grief and self hatred was actually really heartbreaking and well done. The attached character of Sam Nook being unaware of tommy's death and simply waiting for tommy to return was a really good parallel to sam's own grief and anger. like it really snapped sam the guy who cares for tommy and wants to do Right by him back together with him as the Warden of the prison. Mixed personal life with 'just business'.

I feel it wouldve been nice to have him like. Have more time to grieve properly and come to terms eith tommy's death and his own involvement/influence over the events. Him finding tommy alive again Could be a means of him like. Facing his own grief head on if done well.

Ranboo

Mostly in the context of him and sam's argument do i feel it got screwed over. The weight of them yelling at each other and trying to find who to blame and the implications that Maybe ranboo was the one who caused the security breach that closed down the prison on tommy just.... doesnt hit so hard anymore. Because how can there be blame and arguments and a 'who done it' mystery when tommy popped up all fine again?

Puffy

I dony know much of her involvement or how she found out tommy died (besides metagaming shhhhh) but i saw her monologuing of how they 'failed' tommy and like. Her whole 'he was so young we the Adults failed him' spiel is like........... inconsequential? Now??? Like no dont worry he died but hes alright now.

Philza

BET YOU DIDNY EXPECT TO SEE THIS FUCKER!!!!!! But actually though i want to talk bout how this ties into phil. A LOT. for Zalbr ❤. But also because i see ppl tying phil to tommy's death n like nah shutup u doin it wrong. Ill go off more in a Wilbur Post. But essentially: i dont like that dream is now going to revive wilbur. I feel they arent going to tie philza into this Despite phil having originally been trying to revive his son and studying on it and Attempting and Failing. But now suddenly dream can just. Say some magic words and Poof wilbur lives? So we're just going to Kill philza's revival attempts plotline and leave that hanging? This made his efforts seem pointless and Wack like oh why didnt you just Say The Magic Words phil????

Niki

I feel really bad for niki. She hasnt been able to do a lore stream during tommy's 'death' (she tweeted she wanted to but her computer wasnt working) and considering her entire character.... that shit is important. We seen it with Jack Manifold how tommy's death impacted Him considering he literally wanted tommy dead. And since niki is in a similar boat to jack of trying to kill tommy and it being her Only goal...... thats extremely important.

BUT. i feel there wasnt any communication. Did she or anyone even know tommy would be revived? Did no one consider they could At Least let her do a single stream on it? Like jack manifold????

We couldve gotten a Really good niki lore stream. I genuinely was so excited for it and i dont regularly watch her. But we seen it with jack manifold which is why i dont feel he got screwed because mans genuinely did So Good he could pop off with anything n i think it works in His favour. But now........ for niki. Canonically she never even knew tommy was Dead. So its like nothing even happened for her. Is she just supposed to continue on trying to kill tommy with no progression?

What i think would work

This is more me being like 'hey @ the dsmp writers let me in' type speculation sbosegussgs. But i was thinkin on a Really easy way to 'fix' this without rewriting lore and the streams.

Dream should kill tommy again now that he's been revived and Leave Him Dead.

More development for the characters who are affected by his death Especially niki. More time for grief and self reflection and development

A chance for the audience to figure out what the 'afterlife' really is.

Dream is supposed to be smart and a master manipulator or something right? Why doesnt he use being able to revive tommy as a bargaining chip with sam for his own freedom?

The audience would now Know dream's intentions with tommy better, that this death isnt 'final', but we could still see other characters' grief and reactions and coping without it feeling cheap. Ive seen some 'but people dont know tommy is alive so hes still dead in their mind' but that sucks imo.

We'd know more on dream's ability to revive people and that he can just Do It on a whim (which i think sucks but hey im trying) but no one else would know this canonically

Okay. Im done. If you read this. Thankyou. I love you. Hmu.

[seijorhi]

asks :))

what i have learned today is that y’all wanna get fucked by some monsters...

What does nostos mean? What language is it in? 🤔 also I of course loved it, mind blown as usual queen

it’s ancient greek! it means homecoming, the idea of a triumphant return home for the hero after a long journey. i found it through looking at the root of nostalgia. in this fic of course it’s kind of a grim tongue in cheek play on it. the reader’s coming back to the mountains, but she’s running away after a bad breakup, and the welcome she gets is... shall we say less than ideal haha

Just read nostos-

First of all as a person who reads monster shit- hell ya. Mhm. That’s some good shit right there. That was DELICIOUS horror. It actually had me a bit nervous and afraid to read what was gonna happen next 😳

Secondly- omg I wanna know what happened next (at the end) 👀 know what I mean??? 😼

ANYWAY AS ALWAYS you never disappoint and your writing is fantastic (if/when you write horror yandere stuff again I’ll be there- frothing at the mouth. A+++++ work ILY💖)

you want me to write the monster porn, just say it bby ghfjdkshgfjkd but ty

Omfg that fic was so good!

Did the readers mom know about monster kuroo?? Or was she just worried because of the previous murder? And did Kuroo somehow manipulate reader into coming back to the forest or was it just a big coincidence? (👁👄👁 there's no such thing as a coincidence)

Looking forward to your future work <3

ty nonnie!! i didn’t have the right space for it, but after kohsuke was ripped apart and eaten kuroo stayed by the reader’s side until late in the night, only disappearing when he heard the reader’s parents/search party approaching. they found her lying in pools of blood (and scattered half eaten body parts), shaking and unresponsive – they knew no animal could’ve done something like that. so they knew something lurked in those woods, but considering the reader had repressed the memories, her mom couldn’t just come out and say it <33

You are an AMAZING horror writer!!!

The uneasiness I got from the conversations with the mom is just *chefs kiss*

A+++++

ahh thank you!! horror is such a hard genre to write because i’m never sure if the suspense and everything’s gonna hit right haha

I read Nostos before going to sleep last night and at the time I was like “sure hope this doesn’t give me nightmares” and thankfully it didn’t lol. But I think I’m willing to take that chance again because it’s so GOOD and I think I’m just going to have to relive it – @ohno-otome

fhdjgbfhjkdfn i’m glad it didn’t give you nightmares bby!! but i also appreciate that haha, i’m an absolute wimp with scary movies and stuff but i just can’t stop watching them haha

I just wanna say that I was listening to "You're a psychotic villain playlist" on youtube while reading Kuroo's oneshot and I can't explain the emotions I felt, but I'd let Kuroo do things to me asdfghjkl – @itishebihime-samaforyou

ooh nice! sometimes the right playlist makes things doubly as fun haha

OH MY GOD!?!?! Nostos was soooo GOOD?!?!? Like it was so creepy (but in a good way), and scary and suspenseful!! And the ending!?!? Omggg honestly one my fav fics from you!! You did my mans Kuroo justice 🥺💖💕

TYYYYYYY i was genuinely concerned i was gonna scare everybody off haha

Ah! The new fic! Chiefs kiss! Magnificent! Bravo!🧚‍♀️✨🧞‍♀️🦖🦭🌹💫

tysm nonnie!!! <33

i’m pretty sure i’m in the same/similar timezone as you? and i do be staying up late to be one of the first to read your fics (i usually stay up late anyways). so imagine my surprise when i see you post in the afternoon. in conclusion, whether you post to align with your european and american readers’ timezone, my gmt+10 arse will still be one of the first to read your fics. also nostos sjdufigyyjf i have to admit, i recently just found out about monster fucking and nostos scratched the itch😫 i feel bad for kohsuke though

bby i always post at like 2-4 in the morning please get some sleep!! the fics will be there in the morning lmao. i kinda low key forget about my aussie/gmt+10 followers because i think there’s like... 3 of you haha

Honestly if i could give u a dollar everytime i got off to your fics, you'd probably be rich by now

lmao the idea that people find my fics hot enough to get off to still blows my mind lol

your newest kuroo fic was so SO good!! its totally okay if you dont want to answer this so you can keep things ambiguous but is monster kuroo planning on killing the reader after he's...done with them

thank you, bby!! but no, monster kuroo isn’t gonna eat her – he’s had plenty of chances to do that if that’s what he wanted, but he has other plans for the poor reader

RHI, I WANT TO STATE FOR THE RECORD THAT I AM OKAY WITH MORE MONSTER FUCKING IN THE FUTURE. i also want to say im not a monster fucker, but that just feels like a lie at this point. okay, now that that's off my chest, i love it. the mystery, the connections of kuroo to a cat. kuroo's probably gonna go and batter around his prey once they're under his grip like my cat does. hopefully the reader will come out somewhat unscathed, if they are ever allowed to leave 😌 love this, love how different it is, the way kuroo just tries to weasel in. very monster and yandere vibes, very you. have i said i love this yet?? id willingly let him get me drunk on his cock, maybe never leave the peace of the mountains again

‘i want to say that i’m not a monster fucker’ bby the denial will get you nowhere haha. just lean in and embrace it hgfjkdlkfgjnkdl ahh but thank you this is such a sweet ask ILY!!!

Omg omg the monster thing kuroo was in ur latest fic is so familiar to me abdhdmfnjfjf. I remember being told abt a monster with VERY SIMILAR characteristics to it (aka the not being able to go inside a house unless invited and using fire to lure ppl out) AND JFC IT TERRIFIED ME. Esp how when i told ppl around me and they didnt recognize what it was, but it was somehow known to the kid that told me abt it.

(Some ppl thought it was familiar but still didnt know what it was)

Do u know what im talking abt? Hopefully u do

-🥚

GHFJDK so the monster in this is kind of based off the nekomata spirit in japanese folklore - they can appear like people, torment victims by reanimating the corpses of their loved ones, they’ve been blamed for forest fires, so it was just fun to use that as a basis and then go buck wild haha. anyway thanks for the ask bby!

Rest In Peace Kohsuke, you would’ve loved Haikyuu season 5😔✊– @joyvstheworld

poor kohsuke deserved better, i’m just mean to the oc’s i throw into fics haha

Monsterfucking ❤❤❤❤❤❤ a little annoyed you're making me simp for yan Kuroo though (a vibe tho tbh). You're so extremely talented!!!! &

This is probably a stupid question, but how did Kageyama react when he couldn't find y/n? How is life with yan Suga? I imagine probably awful BUT yknow maybe the stockholm syndrome set in fast lmao. Sorry, I'm going on a binge reading your stuff. - @oracleofdin

i will not apologise for making you simp for kuroo he deserves it the man’s a snacc. and as far as your second question, suga’s a very caring, very smothering kinda yandere, so i guess in some ways it’s better than what the reader had with kageyama but... pick your poison haha

That was so good. I’m so shook rn I can’t comprehend anything but how good that was and how good a writer you are

TYSM NONNIE!!! <33

Ok, so, I just read Final Girl and the lil' ticket addition to it and just---

Well, ok I've been playing Dead by Daylight a lot lately? And I'm just picturing Tetsu as the newest killer "The Trickster" and I'm positively RANDY.

Your writing is ALREADY thirst inducing and just as satisfying, but this has SENT ME- If you're not familiar, please...

https://youtu.be/iowkiPobYYQ

Understand my thirst. (I'd also like to clarify, I use a different skin for him that gives him black hair and he looks like Kuroo with an undercut.)

~ @the-casual-hedonist 🌸

i love how feral y’all got for final girl kuroo. like bo and akaashi had his fans, but i put a spiked bat in kuroo’s hands and y’all lost your goddamn minds and i love to see it. fghdjkvhfjdkls thanks for the ask bby

idk why but I love preggo reader as long as I don't pretend it's me 😢✋ I hate babies n pregnancy anywhere else other than horny haikyuu fics

i think that’s a valid thing for a lot of fans. the idea of breeding is sexy, the actual getting pregnant and having a kid thing... not so much. but especially with non-con scenario’s, it’s more about the aspect on control than the actual desire to have kids. but yeah, i feel you

Sorry to bother but uh was just wondering in fracture did Osamu kill his wife or was it actually an “unfortunate event” ? Love your work btw!!

he most certainly did :))

LMFAO RHI i totally get not liking cheating/infidelity fics (towards reader) bc IT HIRTS ME SO BAD I CANNOT HANDLE THOSE.

id be reading fics those fics like: tf you mean my yandere aimt gonna baby me and only want me??🤨🤨🤨⁉️‼️

EXACTLY! listen i get that it’s a fucked up fantasy, but in my fucked up fantasy you damn well better have the decency to be loyal smh

Finders keepers is the most beautiful thing I've read by you: I read it twice like I normally do and here's what I figured out the second time (that's when I analyze it and find the little tidbits of things that are much darker than they appear (: )

To start I LOVE THE DETAILS OF THEM NEVER TEACHING READER ANYTHING- at first I assumed "oh they might see her as a little sister or child or something" but realized thAT WAS THE ISSUE!! they infantilize her and isolate her from everyone but her group. the small details like that are what make the story amazing 😎💅

ahh thank you so much, nonnie!! pls this is making me soft 🥺

I just wanted to stop by and say that I love your writing and I hope you're doing well!!! Drink plenty of water and keep up the amazing work :) but seriously you're one of the best fanfic writers I've seen on tumblr! I read your "Imitation" piece about kuroo and i keep coming back to it, it's so good! I did want to ask if you think it'd be possible for the reader to ever escape with the baby (or at least attempt to). Or if Kenma would "help" at all just to put an end to kuroo's antics lmao

kenma would in no way help the reader, and tbh by that point if kuroo did get her pregnant, she’d be far too emotionally dependant on him to actually even want to leave, but thanks for the ask!

You know who I think would be a perfect Yandere in the JJK world? Choso.

🚨Spoilers Ahead🚨

After being locked in a glass jar for however long he was, and all that happened with his brothers, I feel like he would absolutely never let his darling out of his sight. He would be possessive. Obsessive. And Oh So delusional. Sure he’d be your anything - he truly is a softy - but to what end?🤤

choso would make an excellent yandere, ngl 😌

what au/troupe of your fav character(s) that you have written do you like the most?

(rlly hope this makes sense🙏)

i am always a slut for soulmate au’s :))

[t4tlawlight]

I haven't watched the anime. What are the main differences between drama!L and anime!L??

Oh anon i could kiss you so sweetly for asking me such a thing. Thank you. also i think it is absolutely incredible and fantastic that you’ve seen the drama but not the anime? Good on you i wish that were me.

drama L is more similar to manga L in, like, early behavior (he just wants to have a good time) but later in the show kind of vibes with anime L wrt being. a little more introspective/melancholy? but that’s because drama L is one of the only versions of L death note across adaptations that has, like, coherent character growth? he’s the most dynamic version of himself by far (most Ls are very very static, which isnt a problem since most versions of death note are not dramas, i.e. are focused on the detective and supernatural angles, whereas the tv drama goes a lot more into the relationships between the characters b/c that’s the genre. he doesnt usually Need to be dynamic). drama L’s not the most “sympathetic” version of L (that would probably be movie L, see: change the worLd) but the difference is that movie L is just kind of woobified--yes, he’s probably the “nicest” L by the end, but it’s not character growth so much as like. The writers just thought he was Like That, and the fact that he basically tortures ppl in the previous movies is kind of completely glossed over, lol. 

i have a big long analysis on drama L where i talk about this more in depth (if u havent seen it, its part 2 of the post that i have pinned on this blog) but drama L is the only L who is called out by other characters on his behavior and like. Actively makes an attempt 2 change that, rather than experiencing superficial character change/depth (i.e. the rain scene in the anime, or what i just said abt movie L being portrayed as super sympathetic) 

ANYWAY though. most of the other differences between anime and drama L are surface value... drama L is younger, and he’s much less deadpan in favor of externalizing his cockiness and self-confidence and basically just. Really enjoying himself all of the time. he’s like animanga L with the filters off. when he’s doing casework, he absolutely Relishes in it. he also is more exaggerated wrt some of his traits, such as being an extreme germaphobe (which is alluded to in the manga in htr13 and also in the anime relights but they suck we dont talk about them.) it’s not that he’s experiencing more emotion than anime L, he just sort of wears it on his sleeve more. both when he’s being a Mother Fucker (see: him laughing at Light when Light is being held to get a confession) and when he’s being genuine (see: The blue scene lol.)

Also like i alluded to earlier, the drama emphasizes human connection so drama L has a lot more bonds than other ppl? wammy’s house in the drama is just a normal-ass orphanage and the “successors” aren’t a thing, near (and. Kind of mello.... i guess...) is just L’s adoptive sibling (whereas in the animanga ‘verses he never meets them at all and only chooses them as successors because he liked that they seemed like shitty little kids basically GIDSJGIJSDG). Watari is straight up L’s guardian, and drama L’s family loves him very very much. he also knows himura (who is a mix of, like, 3 different characters from the anime, lol) personally and she values him enough to be willing to beef it for him (and though he doesn’t consider them friends, he also values her life and doesnt want her to die.) he projects fatherhood explicitly on soichiro. and then um. Light Fucking Yagami Lol.

honestly his relationship with light deserves its own thing. again ive talked about this in that analysis but drama L is completely different from Most L’s because while other Ls never like Light whatsoever (they respect him, sure, but they dont Like(tm) him) L starts off being just as disingenuous, pulling the “let’s be friends. Yes this is genuine and not to manipulate you <3 lol” shit but then he. Actually falls for his own bullshit and ends up liking and becoming close w/ Light during yotsuba arc. 

Also he wears shoes indoors.

[minimenace]

Felix live thoughts:

i still don’t get why gabriel, who is known to wear his ring, is polishing both his and emilie’s rings

nathalie smiling at gabe aww

WAIT DOES ADRIEN SHIP NATHALIE AND GABE???

WAVE WAVE

its been a year???

cat song from chat blanc

sitting together, bonding time??

gabriel: i need to tell adrien im hawk moth and its for the greater good - the greatest good id ever get - emilie’s ass

adrien: oh dad i know

gabe: wHAT??

adrien: yeah...you and nathalie�� 👀 im cool

gabe: YOU FUCKER DONT DISGRACE YOUR MOTHER LIKE THAT

not that adrien knows his mom is even alive smh

gabe, you can’t expect your son to be all hopeful when there’s nothing he knows of to be hopeful for

gabe: bitch get ready cousin you is coming

1 year since emilie ‘went for cigarettes’

adrien: healing  😌

gabe: 

marinette’s first act as class president: class meeting!!!! (plus luka and kagami) we need to cure adrien of his depression

adrien is hallucinating his mom isn’t he

wait it’s his mom’s twin isn’t it

IT IS

amelie and emilie huh

gabe is not “NO get out”

grouch kitten time!!!

felix getting hugged: bitch...fine ok

so felix and adrien’s favorite game as kids was Parent Confusion huh

gabe: how dare you shake my hand

felix: how dare you not shake my hand

so gabemilie wedding rings were from her family

emilie’s maiden name was NOT agreste...bitch no im DYING with this headcanon

felix whats to know what the FUCK is up with kyle gabriel

marinette...no...do not tell your crush you’re in love with him when you’re trying to console him about his missing mom

ok slightly better

bitch you’re still recording

is this gonna be another copycat where marinette tries to get the phone to delete the message

wait this is LITERALLY another copycat

YES TIKKI GET ANGRY

“I’m really sorry I didn’t come to your dad’s funeral” OH BITCH NOW I GET WHY HE HATES YOU

explains why they’re wearing black

felix with bryce’s voice hits bad

he needs kousei arima...max mittelman...pLAGG

“you do everything your dad tells you to” “oh well yeah you know”

do do do do-dUUHN

adrien and felix used to challenge each other in chess...nerds

plagg: “you’re cousin is being sus BUT HE TOUCHED MY CHEESE THAT UNFORGIVABLE”

plagg: *points out adrien’s mother is* adrien: *gets sad* plagg: oh baby fuck im so sorry

felix i know adrien is complete dumbass but you cannot call him an idiot!!!

wait is felix gonna find out marinette is ladybug because she was recording for so long

wAIT IS FELIX GONNA TRY TO SET UP MARINETTE AND ADRIEN BY DRESSING UP AS ADRIEN AND SEDUCING LADYBUG SINCE MARINETTE IS SUPPOSEDLY LADYBUG

probably not lol

felix fuck you im the only one allowed to make fun of nino’s dudebro accent

felix bby youre not building a good case for yourself by making fun of my babies

also bryce is trying to do a lower voice and he just sounds dudebro

wait is felix gonna rip chloe a new one

YES felix and chloe knew each other

the one time chloe is being genuinely nice for no discernable reason and felix is like “fucker”

well with the season finale we know it doesn’t matter

...annoyinG

FUCK

marinette time bitch lets see what happens im scared

ok thats mean

the writers are trying very hard to make me hate felix but joke’s on them, i’ll never hate anyone on this show

no joke i used to hate theo and call him a pedo and now i’m like “aww poor baby”

wait where is theo i havent seen him around

ok he deleted the videos so immmmmmmmmm hmmm

felix getting ready to cause havoc

ok luka is kind of a joke

*strums guitar* im supportive. this is my personality.

i cant really be mad about felix sending that mean message but adrien deserves to be a feral kitty

fel-ien: i renounce all my friends y’alllll SUCK

me: ...

calls out chloe specifically: NO THATS MEAN but true

marinette: there’s no way adrien can be mean he’s an absolute...aNGEL (how does that meme go)

i mean she has a point because he’d never call chloe out like tHAT

lila spying for gabe seems to be a good thing but im concerned about what gabe will be doing with this video

oh ok they knew it was felix

nathalie: so uh...sir...now’s a good time to um...akumatize some vulnerable kids...

gabe: ok amelie lets see how you feel about THIS akuma attack

gabe getting people to go chase down your “son” is still going to inevitably hurt your son

im fairly certain that max and kim know marinette is ladybug at this point 

*announcer voice* and in the confusion, reflekta, lady wifi, and princess fragrance were deakumatized because they couldn’t figure out who to be mad at

WHICH ONE OF YOU IS THE FAKE ADRIEN they all shout. “idk what do you think” says adrien 1 to adrien 2

adrien: *starts acting all mean*

punishers: IT MUST BE HIM

nathalie: STOP IT ADRIEN

punishers: wait who

adrien: muwahauwah i wonder who I could BE AJAHAHAHA

felix: bro why the fuck are you covering for me

nathalie get your grove on

hawkie: bitches Y’ALL THAT FUCK ASS IS RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU

felix: ha...no?

felix: oh well...KONO FELIX DA- LET’S FIGHT

istg if felix has his own miraculous

ladybug saves fel-ien

fel-ien: i love you

activates “smooch”

marinette: *has flashbacks to spook-drien* uhhh no

felix you’re being very menacing about this kiss

ok... i feel like marinette going “NO MEANS FUCKING NO” is a brownie points moment just the entire structure of the scene...also she has no reason to suspect adrien is not adrien, so the punching is just...intensely weird to me

this also feels like astruc trying to be like “FELIX IS THE OPPOSITE OF ADRIEN WHO IS A PERFECT GENTLEMAN AND RESPECTS WOMEN AND THEIR BOUNDARIES” when like um i dunno, adrien ALSO tries to kiss women (ladybug) without their consent but those moments are always treated as comedy so you’re not being very slick with this scene

side note; idk why when a male morally dark end character gets into a fight or something with a girl very one goes “THAT’S SEXIST”, like basically what you’re saying is “you can’t hit girls” which in itself IS sexist. everyone can be punched. don’t fucking hold back.

side note; you shouldn’t punch ANYONE

“You’re not Adrien, he would never be so pushy!” *looks at chat noir* uhhh....

i mean good deduction skills tho? i still think it’s pretty hastily and badly written

adrien is fucking OUTING his cousin lmao

i feel like there was pre-existing tension

felix: is actually ashamed for once

FELIX VISION

lb: great!!! now break the tablet felix: bitch this is some good fucking money i aint breaking it

felix and lila are the moth gang

hawk moth: why felix: uncle give me your fucking jewelry

felix: manipulate the situation...and profit

that has got to be the GREATEST defeat ever...truly lucky

felix looks like he thinks that he’s going to jail

adrien: dude wtf amelie: ...his dad- felix: no dude that was pretty fucked up, ill own up to it

“i hope to become a better person and see you again soon!” this was one concentrated bad incident but yeah ok

FELIX GOING FOR THE HUG

the tone is making me think this is supposed to be inauthentic and he doesn’t mean it but im hoping this isn’t the case.

but if it is genuine, it sounds like there’s a tacked on “learn to be better- from you” which like, yeah adrien is better than felix we get it but you don’t need to emphasis adrien as a model dude when he’s like tier 1 good guy. he’s decent. lmao.

wait felix has always been wearing a ring i didn’t notice

awww felix and gabriel made up.

wait

what even happened between them to begin with.

huh

adrien: aw sHIT CUZ WAIT gabe: nO DAVIC

adrien: if you need to talk in here felix: thanks

astruc: see he’s morally superior

did felix just gift adrien some expensive cheese lmao

felix: hey i feel bad, i replaced your cheese

adrien : *records message to thank everyone and says “i love you”* marinette: *obsessively plays back the “i love you”*

marinette: ill take what i can get

FELIX DID YOU UST FUCKING STEAL THIS MAN’S WEDDING RING I MEAN I KNOW HES MORALLY QUESTIONABLE IF NOT DESPICABLE BUT YOU’RE NOT MUCH BETTER YOU KNOW

so felix really is a magician huh

i feel like him and jean duparc would get along

oh so there’s history behind the rings?

“where it belongs” everyone hates gabe huh. wuh happened

gabe why are you taking your wife’s ring

it’s like he needs that thing to function

the ring: why you so obsessed with me

is it like an anti-nathalie charm or something

gabe: bitch get it together yOU’RE MARRIED, YOU’RE WIFE IS DOWNSTAIRS

the beef is, probably like all things, related to the miraculous

HAPPY END OF THE SEASON!!!!!!

[meduise]

Whats some of ur fav dino, dino/hibari hcs?

finally i could reply to this ask!! which, anon, i still thank you for bc its the best thing i could ever be asked to talk about ww

reading will likely take some time, but i hope you and whoever else reads this post will share some hcs or at least find them nice ad interesting enough! and of course, i’ll be happy to answer more asks about it!! like the hibari-only post, i may come back to this one and update it over time

general warning for death mentions and spoilers from the novel “haneuma stampede”!!

hopefully this post wont be hidden from the tag search

dino headcanons

until i read about haneuma stampede, i pretty much always headcanoned dino’s hometown being naples, and this because i have neapolitan origins myself www in the light novel we get to know that dino’s hometown is a port city facing the adriatic sea (east) hence the opposite coast to naples, since this town faces the tyrrhenian sea (west). because of this piece of information, tho, i started thinking dino could be from bari, apulia’s capital city

being that a self projection, im still attached to that hc, so to keep at least a part of it i gave dino neapolitan grandparents LOL i mean, it’s not unlikely anyway

this is a recent hc but dino has a huge crush on is a big fan of immanuel casto, a gay italian singer whose most songs are explicit or suggestive and provocative

i think we all can agree that romario is like a second father to dino, right? their bond gets even stronger after cavallone nono’s death ;; romario will occasionally drop his habit to call dino “boss” and call him with his first name instead. dino will remind romario quite often how important he is to him beyond his role as his right-hand man

What Do You Mean Dino’s Tattoos Magically Appeared On His Body When He Was Deemed The Worthy Successor,,, i (falls on my knees) hc’ed that getting them done took A LOT and hurt A LOT and he yelled A LOT to the tattoo artist to stop inking and to his family that he didnt want to belong to that world,,,, im sorry dino

his tattoo and his duty as a boss in general dont give him much freedom (or should i say they dont give him freedom at all) so among the other hcs of situations where he has to cover his left arm, i have this one where dino cant but go to the beach when its empty and/or at night so that no one can see him but his men

the years may pass but he will still blame himself for his father’s death. and i mean. its pretty much true that it was his fault orz thanks light novel for giving me depress

onto the personality-wise hcs,, i talked about hibari’s enneagram type so i cant not do that for dino too. dino is 2w1, which gets called the servant. starting with the basic type: depending on the level of health, the two (”the helper”) ranges from being the most genuinely caring and helpful type to other people to being the type who gives expecting to be given something back to being the type who manipulates people into caring about them. i dont believe dino has fallen or will ever fall into the very unhealthy pit but he does get on the level where he thinks his generosity is the only thing that tie people to him and his people-pleasing attitude starts getting suffocating. he can be quite possessive, too. in a few words, type one is a very principled type, who fears being defective, bad and corrupt. therefore i assigned dino the one wing to kinda enhance the following paradox: being what he hates the most, aka part of a rotten system such as the mafia one. and with a role as a boss, to it. dino as a teenager never wanted to succeed to his father, and even now he wishes he didnt belong to that world but he loves his family, and even tho according to the moral he deserves to go to jail together with his men, he is self-admittedly too much of a coward to do that (theres so much more to add to this but if i do it will get REALLY long. there’s going to be another little enneagram talk in the d18 hcs anyway, lol)

_____________________________________________________________

dinohiba headcanons

these bitches gay good for them, good for them

advanced apologizes for being an angst fucker but for years my #1 headcanon has been a quite twisted one about dino and hibari not allowing themselves die by the hand of someone who isn’t each other’s. its a sort of oath. they feel like if one of them dies it will be unforgivable, and this will lead them to ultimately kill each other. in their mind, “it’s either both or none of them”, both know that they won’t be able to bear with the other being gone forever (yes, hibari too) and the only solution they find is leaving the world together, the same way they fought on it and against it together. the scenario i thought for this is a duel inside the reverse globe of needles. their last fight in hibari’s ultimate technique so that it’s literally just a world made of the two of them lol lol lol

tbh dino didnt like hibari at first, and with hibari being hibari it takes them long to warm up to each other. for long i mean some years w (years of anger, fights, hardship, trauma reveal, and so on)

their first bonding moment happens when hibari finds out about fon (yeah, all the stuff i talked about in my hibari hc post to which i have to add: i made my own timeline where the arcobaleno arc happens about 2 years later than shown in canon). dino is there to comfort him. dino hugs hibari and he lets him do. hibari cries. HIBARI CRIES for the third (3rd) time in his life there

i have this kinda specific hc of dino overhearing hibari sing hitoribocchi no sadame and getting sad about its lyrics

for obvious reasons even when they start dating they’re forced to spend most of the time away from each other but they make sure to be together at least on every anniversary

i love the established relationship trope so much therefore 80% of the times i think and write about them hibari is in his 30s and these two have been married for like 7 years 

i’ll get to the marriage proposal and ceremony another time hopefully in a fic too but of course romario and fon are chosen for their best men

idk if people consider ship playlists and such as hcs, but i associate savages by kerli and someone to stay by vancouver sleep clinic to them ;;

about someone to stay: the line will you fix me up? will you show me hope? is hibari -> dino, and the line can you keep me close? can you love me most? is dino -> hibari

and finally, to go back to the topic of enneagram: their compatibility according to their types. on the institute’s official site theres already a good description, which makes me cry everytime i go back to it because it literally starts with “These two types are more alike than they might appear to be at first”. part of this is given by the fact that unhealthy twos get the unhealthy traits of eights and healthy eights get the healthy traits of twos. i made a scheme for it:

i admit that i have no proof that the comparison is legit for the wings too, but finding out the stress/growth correlation even for them was very validating and satisfying, lol

some headcanons are missing from this post bc i decided to post the most important and my fave ones (the fave ones are those asked for in the first place but i cant shut up ashdjsdhfdjsdhfg)

but either way OVERALL i really, really love imagining both dino and hibari overcoming their hardships, individually and together, becoming the better versions of themselves the more the years pass, bringing their best qualities to each other and learning to accept and appreciate their different points of view. 

because of the way they are at first they... dont really start good, but with health and trust they make a powercouple tbh

[winxwiki]

i understand why valtor as a villain is so loved. he is great. truly! but, valtor fuckers, what's hot about him. please tell me im genuinely curious. id rather fuck lord darkar so youd think my tastes are questionable but actually valtor has everything i normally like in other characters: main villain, amazing sexy voice (in italian. god it's great), cunning, manipulative, clearly horny. theres just something about the design and the fact that he didnt get bloom to his side that never managed to convince me (no i dont ship them at all i just like dark bloom)

[happyfunnycoolgirl96]

nothing descriptively gross under the cut just some columbine talk and the usual winding down

the guys i knew at my old school always joked about the worse parts of tumblr with me irl so it seems fake to me that those parts actually exist since it’s so hard to conceptualize when it’s being told to you face to face opposed to like, reading about it on a post. stuff like joking over people who go “me and josh dun share kin memories and i’ll murder anypony thats a double” you know? anyway i was just checkin out blogs that looked funny or looked like they were run by chill people and there was this guy who was a fuckin, uh reblogging shit from that fanbase that worships serial killers. it was so jarring it was like, here’s a snarthurt post, here’s a guy sliding down a banister and doing a backflip, “i’m thirsty for dahmer”, here’s some ok ko fanart. specifically it was this columbine shooter amv set to This Is My Fight Song and that stuff snapped me out of my soup high at the speed of sound, guys i wish i could brush off that kind of stuff easy and just go about my day but i’m way too empathetic for this kind of stuff i guess

i was gonna originally end the post here but i’m gonna go on a tangent just because i have time wheeeee

i’m gonna steer off course here since i already put everything under a cut and don’t have to care about this getting long, and say that, every time i see a really WEIRD post like something as general as “i hate belarus and every single fucker who lives there” or something as unimportant as “i wanna strangle people who like dogs” and it has thousands of notes, and it’s just people silently reblogging? i bet the belarus and dog people examples sound exaggerated or like the beginning of a straw man argument but those are the genuine vibes i get from some posts like... let me think of an example. there was this one time where i saw a post that went along the lines of “(south american country (don’t remember the name)) and the people in there make me so uneasy like if you tell me you’re from this country i’m gonna start backing tf  away. lmao.” and it was all silent reblogs so i just said “what happened to u in there” cuz i don’t know this fucker, idk what they’ve been through. maybe they got mugged there or something and then this guy just responds “don’t speak to me thanks :)” (i fucking hate passive aggressive smileys but then. i hate passive aggressive anything) and then they blocked me, like where oh where did you learn that that was an okay response to anything, ever, if you’re gonna block me for expressing concern on your abstract as hell public post why are you gonna react like that. so, just putting that out there, those posts cheese me out cuz it gets me confused about like, what’s the country lore? why would you hate a whole country? i mean getting bitter about it and posting about it isn’t my route and i get why you would hate... the leader of a country, the way a country is run, what the leaders of those countries did in the past or plan to do in the future, but i see so much country hate and it’s not even commonly hated countries sort of like how everyone hated on germany lmao, like i’ll see a hate post for a country that i don’t even know where to start on why you would even hate this country it’s so alright and settled, like sometimes i see a “i hate france. we stan canada” post and it’s widespread enough to make me super uncomfortable. maybe i’m just too soft and doughy for these guys but like, you ever think about every mother father child innocent citizen living in a country and you ever think about their feelings when they read something like that

WHICH MOVES ME ON TO MY NEXT POINT

which is weird posts that just talks about hating something that contains a lot of different people and portrays them as some sort of hivemind or like, whatever manipulative tactic a random 25 year old would use to dehumanize people who don’t like the company of.... mouthbreathers or something. and you go into the notes to see what’s up and a bunch of people are like “why would you want to kill men? i’m trans and whats your deal” or “why do you want to kill people who listen to kpop? i’m korean not everybody who listens to pop wants to finger jimin” or something that follows that structure (kill all kpop fans and kill all men are the two most common posts i see that strike me as like, kind of weird to spread when its so generic btw those weren’t examples pick out of a hat) and then somebody jumps in and says ITS A FUCKING JOKE PEOPLE 😂😂😂 like i really hate someone doing that because an og post would be phrased so genuinely and real, like it makes me think that that’s a real person behind that screen who lives their life like everybody else except they think in such black and white bold statements. i like to think i’m someone who can pass through a crowd and look generally normal, but when someone swoops in and says SIKE WHAT ARE YOU AN IDIOT ITS A JOOOOOKE CHIILLLLLL it makes me question, just how fucking well i DO mesh in with everybody else? was everybody else in on the joke? what’s the punchline? you think all pisces should die in a hole? whats going on. there are only a couple of people who i know are like “I DONT GET THE JOKE” all the time, in real life and they’re kinda annoying i suppose. like you could make a joke and this kind of person would be like, “why are you guys even laughing i hate people.” that probably sounds fake but that actually happened like i was bantering with this girl at my new school and i make some joke about how the public school lunch sucked, i dont remember the punchline it was probably something tame just to get to know her or some weak shit like that, but this girl looked me in the eyes and said “that’s not funny” in a deadpan voice then later walked off while i was answering this one question she asked me about the school clubs. the fuck, anyway actually having that role where you’re the guy asking “whats with this post?” and everyone just says ITS A JOOOKE and you didn’t even sense in the slightest that this could be a joke, at all, in any way... it just feels REAL alienating, it makes you feel like a bona fide dumbass, and you sorta see yourself as the jerkass telling some random chick at school “that’s not funny” then walking away as they answer something. it makes you feel like there’s something wrong with you that people have always been able to sense. it makes you feel too intense and uneasy in your own skin like you don’t know yourself at all and everyone around you is pretending and keeping up an act so that you, the fool, don’t realize you’re embarrassing yourself.

anyway. if you actually read all the way to the end... kudos i’m not gonna revise this or look over it at all so its gonna be a wild ride to read i know it. you get 20 brownie points from me personally have a good day

[monolid-monologues]

this dream about you ruined my morning. LOL. (& how do you retell a dream? especially an embarrassing one?)

when: last night slash this morning. [that’s today, Thursday June 27th]

 it was one of those *you wake up and know you left an intense dream* *go back to sleep because this fucker of a dream needs an ending* 

i could almost call it a nightmare,  if based purely on the harrowing and very real physical toll it had on my body when i really got up from it. 

I re-woke to my second and Emergency alarm (that’s the “get the fuck up now bitch go straight to work do not pass go do not pick up an eyeshadow brush do not eat breakfast get your headass into the car and maybe you won't be viciously tardy”) and my ANKLES WERE LITERALLY SORE?? my head pounding something Awful. And like my chest. Felt such a bitch. Stiff, contracted, and dry. 

you ever been like HUNGOVER from a dream????

* * *

i don't want to call it a nightmare, though,  because it was about you.

And you were/are not a nightmare. lol.  You just...happened. and it passed.

What this is, Is: i had this dream about you, and i fucking hated it LOL

IT’S A FIRST. AND I NEED TO PROCESS IT . BECAUSE i dont get it. i don’t get why i had it. i am so caught off guard by it. i am scared of it. i am scared i even had A dream of you.

and i refuse to let it just bury inside me. i’m going to claw this thing out and take a good mfkin look at it.

OKAY. now that that’s established...

(ugh.... it feels like i’m about to embark into some bitter medicine.)

* * *

we ran into each other...in an apartment?

I was in the living room with my “friends” in the dream A.K.A obscure, obscure acquaintances whose faces i cannot place or recall. 

and like any good dream, out of the god damn blue, comes trawling through a pack of Your friends. or family. or both. and your own face hazily blurring by in the mix. headed thru the nearest hallway, towards one of the bedrooms.

I catch your brother's face (i never even met your brother before lmfao) most crystalline clear among them. and he is the one who stops to meet me as the rest shuffle away.

I immediately recognized him (from pictures. i'd seen pictures IRL), we strike introductions, and conversation. i remember saying "you're his brother!" and other incredibly facile but in that moment in that dream very genuine sentiments. but still we can cringe at how unrealistic and un-grounded in reality they were. things like " i always knew i'd like you" (what the fuck, right) and "wow why does it feel we’ve already met (what the fuck. LOL.) and if we CAN ignore the DELIRIOUSNESS of my REM concoction here, i'd like you to accept with suspension of belief that me and this stranger, me and your brother, did become - in this dream moment - effortlessly chummy. We became instinctively on each other's sides (it still sounds delirious. damn it.  Don't share your dreams willy-nilly, folks, it is not smart to expose your fucking dumbly vivid irrationales lol).

We were getting on like old fuckin friends, what the fuck can i say. It's the fictional truth. 

Then our convo gets to the Grit. The punch in the gut. he tells me you're here. in this apartment. of course i could’ve put that together but the confirmation is CONFIRMING. Palpable - the settling in of the fact that you and i were..both..here.

A many-voltage shock. and i only snap out of it, and the frozen moment only melts back to action when i feel you feel that same shock. And right away, i "hear"...or was it "see"?....your presence / energy dash out of the bedroom in which you and your group were in. And you lock yourself into the bathroom.

A collective "what the hell" is shared between me and my new-but-old dreamworld friend. your brother. We step past the bathroom you are now occupying. We enter the bedroom. I see the rest of your peoples.  Once again, Faceless peoples. i don't know that any of these were REAL peoples, any of your actual peoples in real life. Dreams! what're you gonna do? 

Me vs. your peoples, though. It starts as awkward. Your brother tries to smooth things.

I remember warmth starting to emerge. I'm sure I wanted warmth, and since it was my dream, probably i manipulated events to make it so. I am keeping that in mind about this dream from start to finish, by the way.  My brain manufactured all of this. Why? Fuck Me if i want to know. honestly.

But without knowing why, i still saw the What. (& this whole entire What gave me a serious kink in my neck this morning, like i never even know what a kink was until i got up and groaned.)

The What, at this point, after me and this room begin to warm up to each other: I mean, its only appropriate in such a dream that we land on the next Gut punch. The next revelation. (the brain sure knows who to TELL A STORY. DAMN.)

They tell me that..... FUCK, pause. Pause. PAUSE! I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M ABOUT TO SAY THIS. WRITE THIS. ADMIT TO THIS. 

ugh how else can i say this without causing every internal organ in my body to cringe in unison and threaten whole bodily shutdown for the entirety of the time it takes for my parts to Un-Cringe themselves. i could die. 

i wish to die.

i won't die. let me continue. *deep breathe*

They tell me that you want me back. 

Oh my god i want to laugh and cry and barf at the same time - me in real life, me now - not me in the dream. Well maybe me in the dream. But speaking from the conscious VERY-NOT-ASLEEP P.O.V of my self at present, it really hurts to say that because...i dreamed that. I can't believe i dreamed a dream in which you say "you want me back".

I cringe because you, and me, might think oh, that's what she secretly wants.

No. It. Is. Not.  And i know this, but you can't, unless i tell you outright like this "I DON'T". and even then, because of this dream, i may be relinquishing my right to protest that contention. "Well clearly your deep inner psyche is saying different blah blah wah wah" says the PSEUDO-SCIENTIST IN US ALL. Whatever, that was exhausting, lol, i said what i said and i dreamed what i dreamed.

If you *are* *asking* *me*, i will tell you with incredibly clear eyes: no, i didn't dream you saying that because it was what i wanted. i don't know why i dreamed that, but how about i get to the end now, before we jump to more conclusions:

i hear that, and - what magically appears? A piece of paper, with old feelings written..no, scrawled.. all over it. There's blank space near the end.

There's a collective agreement that you are not coming out of the bathroom anytime soon. Is it a red flag to Dream Me that you are HIDING IN THE FKN BATHROOM? LOL NO. 

in fact i think Dream Me thought it was cute. "aw he's shy" rather than "what the fucking coward". 

Oooo. Was that harsh. and i oop--

I begin to write my "current" (quotes to remind you this IS THE RE-TELLING OF A DREAM, A NON-REALITY!!!) feelings. surprisingly, they were a smidgen closer to my actual feelings today, but still, it was a dream, and my REM brain is setting me up for some happy ending i think. So what do i write? I write something along the lines of "i don't want to be together but i did miss you and i do want to kiss you".

loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooool throw tomatoes at me NOW.

MOVING ON: I remember the room is now crackling with hope, and optimism,  and your peoples are cooing "how cute" (which is hilarious in hindsight because this is not cute at all, it is very very weird)

and then the vibes get *~*~dramatic~*~ for a pinch: a confession from your brother: -this part i'm dead ass even as ludicrous and irrelevant as it seems-

he says to me: “i know he said i'm his brother, but i'm not. Actually, he's the brother. *points to a faceless figure* and i'm the good friend.” and it was like one of those soap opera revelation moments.  I don’t know why.

Why does this detail...?? matter??? appear??  Well let me add that, it was like...so familiar. this "uncovering" of a lie. REAL QUICK I'm not saying the man in question is a liar. that’s NOT it at all. I suspect the familiarity lied in my past experiences of feeling "not let in" or "held at a distance”. & I was doing my own damn lying, to myself. I was doing my own emotionally irresponsible business. /ending that there.

Point is, the "confession" was unnerving and it was almost like an omen. Like WHY Would you lie about something like that??? I couldn’t understand it!

But did i still want to leave this note?

And i, in the dream, did. still want to. So I give up the note to your peoples with intentions of it reaching you.

But of course, before i can leave, You come pummeling in.

I guess you were done with your really long shit or you were tired of hiding.

But the way you came in, i remember this motion picture vividly: you don’t greet me, you make a beeline straight past me, you insulate yourself behind your peoples, and your energy feels incredibly apprehensive. like you’re on Defense. Like someone’s come to attack you. Like what? And i’m so confused and so uneasy that i can’t wait to leave, without even wanting a word from you. This, the same person who wants me back they say? This, the same person who I called on for “a kiss” (UGHAHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LMAO!)

Your brother-turned-friend hands you the note. 

I see that you got it.

I see you paw it, and start to look at it.

I feel an edge of regret but i let it be. what i wrote reflected how i felt, i affirm with myself.

and i leave

but while walking out, i’m already reconsidering: "okay it reflected how i felt, before i personally contacted THAT energy, his energy, his avoidance, his marked apprehensiveness"

and i storm back 

when you were just about to dig into it

and i snatch it from your hands

but you held on and

in my determined snatching, i rip back the bottom half as you stare at me and shred the rest of it yourself. shred the half that remained in your hands into tiny ugly pieces.

like shrapnel, and it flutters around you, and your stare is intense, and intact, and i wonder if this was satisfying to you.

i burst out of that room, so angry, so fucking disturbed that you could've read something nice but i didn't want you to read something nice.

No, i was so dissatisfied by the non-greeting, the haphazard waltzing and pacing in the room for the brief moments we shared space,

i was vengeful

i tore the "something nice" before you could receive it.

And then I was horrified by the way you let the rest of it rip up in your hands and disappear like the rest of it (the part i'd taken back).

* * *

I got jumped by my own dream. HOW DID IT -- I--

I mean. What a load of Holy Hell.

And i still, resist, calling it a nightmare, because,

that's not accurate to how i actually remember you.

I remember you fondly.

and the most stressful part of when i look back at our time together

wasn't even you. 

i always, even at the low points, felt a really deep joy from being around you.

The most stressful part when i look back was who I was then.

From where i stand now, i look back and shake my head the most ferociously at who i was, how i was, and what i was missing. what i needed. what i wasn't making sure to get.

have i forgiven Myself? 

maybe that's why This Dream.

//////

AN AFTER THOUGHT: perhaps what is truly horrifying about this dream is 1) how childish it was. 2) why the fuck did i have a dream about you like @brain that was so uncalled for bruh 

////

Edit: An afterthought 24 hours later= My impulse was to recount this dream in detail. I belabored this account, everything i could possibly remember about it, in addition to belaboring that though this DOES seem significant, it DOES NOT mean i still have the same feelings for this mf. 

Now i am able to revisit it, in all its cringe detail glory. I have a lot more perspective on why this dream, and what it might mean to me. WOW the power of writing. 

[winterywitch]

For the ask thing: Dogma, Josipher, and Jerolin

o shit!!!

dogma

general opinion: fall in a hole and die | don’t like them | eh | they’re fine I guess | like them! | love them | actual love of my life hotness level: get away from me | meh | neutral | theoretically hot but not my type | pretty hot | gorgeous! | 10/10 would banghogwarts house: gryffindor | slytherin | ravenclaw | hufflepuffbest quality: he’s so understanding and open-minded for what he is like he kinda made the concept of religious leaders in fiction safe again, like they dont have to ALL be evil fuckers in my work. like he made that concept Exist again for me and im so grateful for that, as a Sinful Sex-Having Gay x333 [fucking gag me] he’s very much a healing character for meworst quality: none of them but like why does he never smile :ship them with: kantera and tabasa, either separately or polyamorously all w/ each otherbrotp them with: russell!! dogma was the character i spent the festival with on my first playthrough of end roll so he’s a nice adult male rolemodel for russell and he cares for russell a lot even if in a purely platonic vaguely kuudere wayneeds to stay away from: dust, smoke and pollen, bitch [highfives him as i am a fellow asthma-haver] and like also. burning things. things that are burning. the burning bush is just never quite the same for him is itmisc. thoughts: his design is so nice i just really really love it

josipher

general opinion: fall in a hole and die | don’t like them | eh | they’re fine I guess | like them! | love them | actual love of my life hotness level: get away from me | meh | neutral | theoretically hot but not my type (im pretty sure anyway?) | pretty hot | gorgeous! | 10/10 would banghogwarts house: gryffindor | slytherin | ravenclaw | hufflepuffbest quality: his sheer, tender-heartedness and adoration for humans that drives the core of his being, he was susceptible to his sister’s lies and manipulation because he’s a kind person who assumes the best in peopleworst quality: the man really needs to learn how to communicate clearly, and also his snootily belligerent personality following the betrayal of his sister and whatnot makes it really easy to think he’s just an asshole. he also pushes people away who genuinely want to help him because he assumes all people are just assholes nowship them with: vulcan, also not a ship but sniper made out with him once in a joke dialogue tree. Romantically.brotp them with: i, do want him and escule to get along someday its just gonna take workneeds to stay away from: people with nasty ulterior motives, people who would manipulate him to any negative endmisc. thoughts: i just remembered at one point his voiceclaim was alan rickman??? idk if it still is but like, that’s fun i guess. he’s the god of structure and he represents summer and autumn and we love him

jerolin

general opinion: fall in a hole and die | don’t like them | eh | they’re fine I guess | like them! | love them | actual love of my life hotness level: get away from me | meh | neutral | blease he’s a minor and a incest+csa survivor suffering from his repressed memories of trauma at that leave him olone | theoretically hot but not my type | pretty hot | gorgeous! | 10/10 would banghogwarts house: gryffindor | slytherin | ravenclaw | hufflepuff | two options chosen bc im kinda torn between the two? he could be either with equal probabilitybest quality: he’s a guy who’s following his own fairly unique path in life, he’s a very brave kid who’s willing to Do That when no one else is - his moral compass is strong and true, he’s very much a hero.worst quality: none you abswolute fool /no im kidding UHH he... has a dangerous tendency to get wrapped up in things much, much bigger than he is, and like a fish in the deep ocean, he doesn’t notice those teeth surrounding him until it’s too late bc he was so dazzled by that angler fish’s glowing antenna thingyship them with: papagena, rigveda, N [from pokemon], jocelyn once he’s a year or two older ( @dreamy‘s old oc ), uhh... who knows WHOSE OC WANTS TO DATE THIS KIDbrotp them with: a friendship between him and zack ( @nocturnenebula‘s oc ) sounds kinda fun actually, it’d be really cute bc zack seems a lot more like, Loud in his responses to things than jerolin is, it’s like an comparatively-immature college-aged guy being friends with a kid that’s more mature than he isneeds to stay away from: old men, particularly those with an eye to take advantage of those “interests” of his - but we know he won’t actually heed this advicemisc. thoughts: i REALLY am liking his involvement in noct’s mnemoria webcomic/setting it feels very, homey and it feels like a setting he very much belongs in, and ive been meaning to have some kind of regular non-pokemon universe for him so its nice to have one to think about! obv hes not a canon character in the comic LOL but just like, in oc talks between noct and i