#i genuinely cant function about it
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ughgoaway · 25 days ago
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incredibly and inexplicably horny over matty healy today.
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ALEX! Make a book from fiddleford's perspective/just make something that features my boy a bit more and goes more into his character, AND MY LIFE IS YOURS
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cisthoughtcrime · 4 months ago
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#ok but fr marking undergrad essays is such a rollercoaster#i gave two very high marks today and was genuinely impressed and then the next three i marked were practically incoherent#one just copy and pasted their intro instead of writing a conclusion. like it's verbatim the same paragraph#i dont mark down for minor grammar and syntax errors because there's a high rate of ESL students...#... but some of the papers from native english speakers have me more concerned about functional illiteracy than I've ever been#these are 19-20yos in a humanities field at a top university! even the highest scoring essay had basic basic grammar errors and vocab misuse#at least i could tell what the student was trying to say there but some of the others...#if your punctuation and spelling and syntax are all so bad that i literally cant tell what you're trying to say there is a serious problem#even setting aside how many errors like these there were there's the flip side of the issue: actually writing an essay#the last one i marked yesterday had no structure or thesis or secondary sources#everything between the intro and conclusion was the same claim phrased in different ways with some irrelevant non sequitur quotes thrown in#no analysis other than the words 'analysis of this shows' which is *gasp* not a substitute for analysis#OH AND OMG#one made a direct claim about a figure's political stance and attached a footnote. i went to see what the student's source was.#the footnote literally said something like 'i know i should have a source here but it's only context and i don't want to waste my word count#like what???? do you think claims about relevant context don't need evidence??? and the audacity to not give a citation...#... and claim it's because it would take too many words away from your main argument??#just providing the actual citation for the claim would have been 3-5 words max but the footnote about not having room was 30 words#kid do you think i can't tell that you dont have that citation? do you think anyone's buying that you didn't include it to save space?#it's the very first footnote and most of the others are full-length bibliography entries jammed into the footnotes (which we don't require)#so either you were 'worried about space' at the first footnote then changed your mind as you wasted 250 words on unnecessary formatting#or you were over the word limit and were like 'gotta cut something!' and the only footnote you 'simplified for space' was a short basic one#^assuming i believed you. which i dont. because why would you think that would fool anyone.#i still have half the essays left. im tired and so disappointed in how little we're told we should expect from them
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0809sysblings · 7 months ago
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maybe this will get rocks thrown at me but i kinda hate when people call the 18+ prisoners "grown adults" as insults and ways to like... shut down any sympathy with them. how because they are "grown adults", they "should have known better". this has just always bothered me. i see it and i have to sit and stare at the wall for 10 minutes.
like. idk. being an adult does not automatically give you skills like Emotional Regulation, Impulse Control, Ability To Learn From Consequences, Ability To Plan For The Future, Critical Thinking, Interpersonal Skills, etc etc. you have to be Taught these things no matter how old you are. if you are not taught these things, and you are not supported in an environment that helps you further develop these things... you just. Aren't gonna be able to do them well.
adults just, typically, have accumulated enough experiences in life to have been able to learn these things. but not every adult has had that privilege. or some adults have had to just shut off the parts of their brain that would allow them to learn these things to be able to function at a basic level.
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svnflowermoon · 9 months ago
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why can i literally not function at school like i swear i'm trying i just can't focus????
#luc posts#like i take notes but then i get bored and the doodle on the side of my page thst was meant to take 5 seconds took 10 minutes :(#and then im lost and bc im lost i get all fidgety and i keep doodling and then jts just a cycle#if i work for 20 minutes i feel like ive ran a marathon and i have to take a 40 minutes drawing/staring into the distance break#and im gonna fail maths but theres literally nothing i can do no matter what i do I can't focus for over 20 minutes at a time#and then its the end of class and i feel guilty bc oh i didnt do any work :( like i feel bad and i want to fix it but idk whats wrong so ho#can i fix it if i dont know whats wrong with meeeee#ugh#it literally makes me want to cry am i just lazy is that what it is am i literally useless why cant i work#like i was so ahead kf the average grades and i never learnt to study and now ugh i dont know how to function so i just dont#and it doesn't help that my friends are all geniuses#like they complain about their one mark away from full marks and im just like OH MY GOD if i could just focus then i coukd do so well#likr ok i guess i wont mention tjst i failed that test bc yall sre complaining about getting one mark off fukl makrs#likr fuckkkk okay i have so mucb potential why di i waste jt :(((((#i hate school so mucb#i genuinely consider dropping out sometimes like I CANT DO THIS hiw do these peiole di ut how hiw how someone tell me how to function#like these peiole getting top marks withiut eben truijgn and i tyr and i cant fishcis so i fail snd then ufh i want to die#bc its so embarassing i eas like top 10% of the class a few years ago and now i just cant function like how do these peiple do itso#someone explain ot me how oieolem focus and dony get distracted and ginish things kike ugh
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star-bastard · 15 days ago
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This cowardly shit is exhausting how do i train my brain to stop giving a fuck so i cam live in fucking peace
#ummmmmmmmmm vent in tags but I'm exhausted and high idc hiiiii whoever is reading this before i delete in the morning#idk where to fucking start like i am very lucky to be able to be as androgynous as i am and still be in the closet#and I've been joking with friends about ✨️✨️✨️ teehee i can finally feel the frontal lobe developing ✨️✨️✨️ because i know i am kinda uhhhhh#stunted i guess because fucky brain shit#but man#I can feel that shit developing!!!!! and i am outgrowing this fucking closet!!!!!#But i am a coward all the coworkers i have come out to happened cause i was drunk or high and its great that i did it and it didnt blow up#in my face but man#mannnnnn#I wanna get top surgery this year no ifs ands or buts i want it to happen more then i want to drive or even move out#why did i just spiral for so long while looking for consultations i am 23 fucking years old why cant i just!!!!!! function!!!!#yadda yadda dont be ashamed of keeping yourself safe yadda yadda we are living in interesting time and i knowwww that but aaaaaggghhhhhhh#I cant even drive for more then 5 fucking minutes before i spiral into a panic attack i can barely make phone calls what the fuck is this#WHY am i getting better in some areas but not others i am 23 I'm an adult i am finally starting to FEEL like an adult#this shit isnt even the Ooohhhhhh I still feel like a✨️✨️ cringy weird kid teenager ✨️✨️ type of shit i am starting to feel like a genuine#adult!!! i have been doing my taxes for years now i am paying bills i just#ugh#UGGGHHHHHHHHHH#i can hear my therapist telling my off already for forgetting i am Mentally Ill and Limitations and all the other shit we've been talking#about but Beth pls I just want my brain to get over it 🙄🙄🙄#i once got told i have been in survival mode all my life and the paralyzing and spiral fear i experience whenever i try to grow and change#are just the side effects of that but cant i get over it#this closet is suffocating if i get rid of the breats I'll have more room to breathe and wiggle out#stupid blehhhhh#okay back to smoking my body hurts
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discoidal · 1 year ago
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socmed is making me paranoid again... is it always cycles?? is the only solution to fully deactivate?? why is my outermost layer made of thin onionskins? and other questions etc etc
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bunkernine · 2 years ago
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society if hoo had them at uni age and the lost trio went to chb and chiron is like "how tf are ANY of u alive and unclaimed". wilderness was just community college.
#on a serious note this changes a lot actually. annabeth and percy would not be in chb anymore so when percy goes missing#its like. a genuine possibility and fear because demigods don't make it that old. there is also some added time between tlo and tlh as well#further adding to jasons isolation as being even WEIRDER than everyone else. he also would've been praetor for longer so maybe the romans#wouldve cared more. this also does away with the plot hole of ppl not giving a shit that jason piper and leo (and dylan) straight up#dipped. introducing piper especially to a summer camp makes chb less appealing because they're too old for that and thus makes their#departure from chb make more sense in toa. yet also it opens up the possibility of new rome uni.... which i cannot see any reason as to why#leo would not go there!!!!! outside of being banned cuz he bombed new rome lol. but pipers sexuality arc works for college too!!! ur never#too old to find urself. but also this is the question of if you are able to relatively function in society (this is more for piper leo fran#and i guess percy) then why would you even fight this prophecy??? anyway lol them being college aged is perfect cuz percy is literally#going to a new place and having a new transition with new ppl... like u do in college LOL. now the question is would hazel still be 13. nic#is a lot older at this point and perhaps has the same age gap as bianca and him did 🤔 cant remember. but also don't know why hazel was 13#in the first place lol. idk. in my college hoo she is just a senior in hs about to graduate from spqr and thinking about staying there or#possibly going to newru after seeing frank make the decision the previous year! SAD!#anyway in hoo. percy and annabeth are sophomores. frank and the lost trio are freshman.#but then in toa. percy annie frank and the lost trio are all graduating cuz percy got held back and Annabeth failed after tartarus fr.#but then also know that piper never went to newru and is adamant about going to mortal uni. and leo kills in newru but is bored. nvm i#forgot he died 🧍‍♂️ ummmmmm ok. ignore leo. and jason actually. so um. ok that really threw me off but are u getting it. that's when apollo#is like 'heeyyyyy i need help pwease 🥺' and they're all like 'dude.'#OK!#but also i ackowedge that this is a children's book and i am not its demographic so god be with you.
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fragglerockopinions · 8 months ago
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#This shouldn't be a surprise but seriously no one actually cares about my survival yes I've asked for help why would I get help#I'm functionally nocturnal and I keep staying up for like 48 hours and then sleeping for a day and I never know where I am#Or what day it is or if it's morning or night#Normal humans eat three meals a day and snacks right I think I maybe eat a snack every other day#I just don't feel hunger and my body hurts and cooking is so much effort I don't have#Weed used to help me be able to eat easily but now everything is just so hard and no food in house n cant go to store bc of ptsd too scary#I keep telling people when they ask that I am doing badly and need help but they as always just tell me to go to the store and buy food#Because it should be easy for a normal person!!! That would be such helpful and kind advice if I were normal#But I am not I am severely sick and traumatized and driving hurts so bad and stores give me panic attacks#Seriously if literally nobody cares about my struggling why not just be euthanized at this point?#This problem is so inconvenient to everyone and I have done all I can to convince people that I'm worth the inconvenience but :(#If I were worth talking to or visiting or helping people would have done that and I would be fine but I am not and that's okay#I genuinely don't mind being a husk at all#I'm just weirdly sad about it right now maybe because I think I feel hungry but genuinely I can't tell thanks autism#I also haven't been able to do my t shot in like three or four weeks I keep trying but I literally can't get the needle in :((#I imagine less testosterone in my system also makes me tired and lose my appetite#I'm so fucked up and nobody cares that I start my day at 8pm and am active and reply to emails and shit at 4am#Why would anyone notice that first of all but still. I would notice.#When even strangers are struggling I notice and I will do anything for anyone but it's selfish upon selfish to expect it back I understand#I keep looking for arfid and ed affirmations to help me but I can't find anything good#Genuinely . what the fuck#Just fucking need to be someone's dog feed me walk me put me in a cage teach me how to be better and treat me like I don't know shit#Because I don't I'm so stupid I can't even feed myself I'm dying please help me
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girl-bateman · 9 months ago
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Feeling a debilitating sense of dread and despair 🤨 Which probably means nothing😍👍
#girl help i cant get out of bed i feel so so awful for no reason at all#literally my soul is gone or something#i have no desires and no joys and no sense of being blessed#which is crazy bc i love life and im so blessed ! usually.#ig i should do something abt it tomorrow if it doesn't get better#alternatively get back into therapy bc tbh... after that horrible sex thing ive felt kinda off#like even after i was able to eat and sleep and function normally without the tremors and head jerks and whatnot#like its not dramatic anymore but i kinda feel drained of life and joy#moments of genuine happiness and fulfillment are ... ? idk. i did feel happy once this week and that was nice but it didnt last obviously#but like ! im not depressed in a depressed way. i take good care of myself and i read my books and eat food and hang out with friends#i just kinda dont recognise myself ig. i mean i know ill get my spark back but maybe i need some professional help#idk !! it kinda feels very silly tho#like ive been in and out of therapy for more than half of my life. and being one year therapy free was a big step for me !#so going back for this little ridiculous freakout feels like a setback#kinda like im making up things to be wrong with me just so that ill have someone to talk to ? or to have attention idk#it doesn't make sense bc i really was proud for getting bettter and i rly dont want to be in therapy anymore#but who knows 🤷‍♀️#there is also this slight risk. just clinically speaking by purely looking at symptoms of certain things. with no stake in the matter! lol#that there might be something bad and [lets not think too hard about it] that lies as a root cause of my little mental breakdown#like according to my sex having friends losing your virginity is awful but not THAT awful and not in THAT way#and my friend kinda said i scared her with how i was acting when i talked to her abt it. like my demeanour and body language and whatever#and i do trust her to know whats normal versus concerning when i dont have my own stable grip of reality#plus. if i was an outside party and applied my psych education on myself. i would say its not looking super good#but i cant really do that bc im not some random patient. im me myself and I 😩✋️ thank you#but whatever. itll be fine. tomorrow will be a better day ! yay !
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comradecowplant · 9 months ago
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I don't follow blogs ran by people being racist about rap so I'm only witnessing the secondhand responses to the recent "discourse" and sadly 'tumblrinas being racist about their bad taste in music & low lyrical literacy' is exactly what I'd put on my 2024 bingo card for this steadily declining shithole....
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gibbearish · 1 year ago
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i can't take any discourse post seriously if it says "x side is refusing to listen to survivors" because if you can't accept that survivors are not a monolith and may disagree with you in regards to your shared type of trauma then it really begs the question, are YOU actually listening to survivors? or are you only listening to the ones who say what you already thought and disregarding the rest as a) people who are incapable of understanding their own trauma and therefore can't be trusted to make decisions about it for themselves or b) outright fakers?
#i also go out of way to try and take all discourse posts with a heaping helping of salt but these ones specifically im like#conflicting access needs dude what hurts you might help another person so you need to step back and ask yourself if what they're doing#is overall harmful or just harmful to you specifically and act accordingly#theres nothing wrong with you being the problem here‚ its ok to be like 'i cant be around this' and dip#ik the word problem has negative connotation but idk ive always felt like my brain worked a little differently than other ppls w that#problem doesnt mean anything morally bad it just means somethings not working as intended and so#you need to problem solve to fix it#you have a problem that is you can't be around xyz thing while others can#and in your own spaces youre allowed to solve that problem by requesting others not bring it in with them if doable or to work together#to minimize its impact on you if you have to be around it#but in spaces where that thing is accepted and enjoyed and you are the outlier‚ theres nothinf shameful abt the solution to that problem#being removing yourself from that space#you were the problem‚ so you solved the problem. it doesnt have to be a bad thing yknow?#same with 'broken' ive had multiple people to me explain why i shouldnt use that word about myself but im like#no i understand abt forming neural pathways with negative words but its not negative to me genuinely !!! its just a descriptor!!!!#like. a part of my body is supposed to work/exist in a specific way‚ but it didnt. it was broken‚ it couldnt perform its intended function#it was broken‚ and we fixed it#you wouldnt tell me to call a broken bone a fuckin. 'area for improvement bone' it got broke! it dont work anymore!!#my brain doesnt produce the chemicals its supposed to‚ its BROKEN and im taking medicine to fix it#i think veronica got it but i only got to see her for a few months#anyways. that was kind of offtopic but i think still follows the central theme of just. understanding that sometimes people's brains#work different from yours and they process the world differently than you#i dont call other people broken because i know that would be mean given how their brains interpret the word but i do feel comfortable#using my own version of language to describe myself#autism dialect KENFKSBFKSBFMDB
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jackass-jones · 11 months ago
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Posts about bpd need to stop being so damn relatable to me 🤨
#listen im not saying i must have bpd cuz of a bunch of relatable tumblr posts dont clutch your pearls on me#but hm im starting to get suspicious ajsjk#just been spending these past few months really digging into my deeply repressed memories and emotions and i keep discovering more and more#fucked up shit lol like first its being forced to acknowledge that i have a bit more than some ‘minor trauma’#and that ive actually just been like horribly abused like. my entire life and still am 😟#then it was like really trying to think about myself and what ive done to cope with abuse and like ive constructed an entire person#to just live as whenever im in the abusive situations and when i was removed from the situation for the first time ever#i had like a huge crash a huge crisis i both functioned way better than everyone said i would like suspiciously better#but also way worse at the same time#i could handle all the responsibilities of living alone i never once felt scared or homesick i was clean i was efficient i used money wisely#but i also felt like i was dying and i couldnt function when my persona dropped#cuz i didnt need to be that person anymore i could finally be me but then like. who even is me ive never gotten to find out#i dont know basic ways to behave i still have no clue how to exist or what i truly want vs what i pretended to want#its all completely muddled and its hard to explain that i cant tell whats genuine with me and whats fake#cuz ive been forced to live the fake shit my entire life you know? ive had to and i had to accept it#ive never gotten to make any of my own actual decisions and at the same time i have to decide everything for everyone else#im the parent of my parents but never was the child and the child is still there asking for attention but no one is there#then you know i had to return to the abuse and so its like i did get to taste freedom but not for long and i spent all my time in that#crisis mode so it wasnt exactly a fun filled time but being back here is much worse than before cuz now i know whats happening#and how i have to perform and its like how do i discover anything about myself in this kinda environment and no one understands the turmoil#the reason why something simple like wearing different shoes is so impossible for me#its just a horrible environment to be in i am in hell constantly ive no clue whats happening and im very obsessive over everything#aaaaghhhhhhh help girl help lol
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milfygerard · 1 year ago
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sometimes i go thru the gaylor tag to see updates or reactions or something and its so funny everytime. You people are insane i respect literally none of you etc etc
#barry.txt#taylor swift#NOTE: THIS IS COMING FROM AN RPF FREAK WHO COULD FEASIBLY IMAGINE TAYLOR SWIFT EATING PUSSY#HATERS IM SORRY BUT THIS ISNT FOR YOU. YOU WILL NOT EARN MY SYMPATHY. anyway#i think i just get really frustrated when a fanbase gets so caught up in itself it cant remember how like....people work#or how relationships function even celebrity ones#i have spent lots of time and energy watching how people react and listening to people talk about relationships and so im annoying abt it#kaylors bless ur hearts im glad ur having fun but posts about their secret relationship make me autism angry#i was THERE for the kaylor divorce. ive listened to evermore more time than id like to admit. theyve at most made an effort to mend a bridg#that baby is a kushner and to imply otherwise is either short sighted or genuinely concerning depending on how deep and intense#the theory is#i think part of the problem is that it forces me to interact w the wider swiftie fandom at large which is a no go zone#i have my circle of blogs i respect even if i find all discussion of travis kind of boring and whenever i try to step out of it#i just end up frustrated#stop trying to prove things! you will never prove things! we dont know her!#i also disagree w lots of the general lyrical analysis but thats not anger i respect the readings they just arent mine#but yeah whatever. script doctoring a niche subset of one of the biggest fandoms on earth. i cant help myself!#none of this applies to you if ur 15 or whatever but i do implore that you not waste all ur time on dumb celebrity theories#and go do anything else
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electricpurrs · 1 year ago
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i keep having embarrassingly deeper-than-they-should feelings about caboose that im not sure what to do about, with how i feel like i relate in a pretty genuine and sweet way to him in an autistic level and i do feel like reading him that way makes real sense but im just incapable of feeling very good about it when its very very clear caboose's neurodivergent esque behavior is applied exclusively to make the butt of the joke off how stupid he is. i care about him a lot as a character but i mostly just wanna rip him off r-slur-loving rooster teeth's hands and handle him with a minimum level of respect
#i dunno i feel about bad about it like if i even acknowledge my reading of him it comes off badly when once again hes the dumb one#going off topic onto a tangent i think i just yearn for a fictional representation of autism that isnt just easy and palatable#like there are lots and lots of autistic and autistic coded and autistic read/head cannoned characters out there#but it feels like its always just. nice character whos very nerdy about a subject or is kinda weird or awkward at times#its always just this ''high functional'' kind of autism where the proof theyre autistic are a few traits here and there#there just arent characters who stutter and mumble and get lost with words and sound weird and have weird voices#and say genuinely weird things in genuinely inappropriate times. who genuinely come off as weird or dumb or childish#who struggle with simple things or dont get concepts or instructions or things said at them#autism that isnt quirky or always fun or always endearing or easy to deal with or easy to dismiss#i cant think of a single character in media who i relate with in an autistic level in how my autism actually feels beyond the superficial#and i think thats why i get a genuine comfort in caboose of all things#in how unapologetically and undeniably weird and kinda dumb and kinda childish he comes off#and it isnt always nice and it annoys and troubles the people around him and of course himself beyond a way he can control#i get touched by the moments here and there when people actually treat him well#when tucker takes some time to gently explain to him that church isnt coming back.#and when hes given a sincerely emotional moment to say goodbye to church and well as that one episode of season 14#or generally when characters are nice to him or talk in ways he can understand better#i dunno i just really do like him#which i guess just backfires when it feels specially hurtful when hes called dumb and stupid and is hated and threatened#and condescend upon and treated as useless and incompetent and just a burden the others need to take care of#mannnnn i hate rooster teeth#🧃
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orcelito · 1 year ago
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BEATING TUMBLR WITH A STICK BC EVEN MY REBLOG ISNT SHOWING UP ON THE DASHBOARD
KILL BITE MAIM ONE MILLION STABS AND YOURE DEAD
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