#i gave up writing an outline cause i never follow it

[lasciviouspoison]

omg hey guyssss!!! this was literally written off the fly, lol. each time i get 🍃 i think abt plug eren and how he’d be obsessed with the pretty college girl he serves to. tw: plug!eren x chubby reader, implied inexperienced reader, implied black reader (anyone can read!!), afab!reader, and, obviously, anything else i missed. not proof read cause idgaf :p

ps. y’all i loved writing this and i love my man. missing him bad :(

plug!eren that loves serving u, his prettiest customer. always makes sure to respond to ur text within the same minute, no matter the condition he’s in.

plug!eren who gets so happy when u ask him to teach u how to roll. each time he’s served u, he’s just brought u pre-rolls since u never bothered to ask for any other rolling materials. but this time, u finally caved and asked him to teach u, saying, “i’m just tired of spending my money on a multiple pre-rolls everyday. i wanna roll for myself” - mind u, eren hasn’t ever charged u.

plug!eren that sees u eyeing him intensely when he starts licking down the sheet, green eyes challenging yours each time he goes to toast the j. he got off on hearing your breath shudder slightly each time he gave it a lick, laughing silently to himself.

plug!eren who watches you smile brightly upon not ripping the sheet (you went through 3 before getting it right). he critiques your j as the two of you hit it, saying u only really needed to work on your mouth piece. however, it was hard for u to digest anything he was saying over the loudness of your thoughts. you couldn’t get the image of eren licking the j out of ur head, wondering if he’d take that much care with u. head between ur legs, using his tongue with the utmost precision. god it’d feel so good -

“whatcha thinkin’ bout pretty girl?” eren’s voice pulls you out of ur thoughts and u smile, not trusting urself enough to express ur feelings without flat out telling him you wanted to fuck.

“i’m just… thinking about everything… you know?” he laughs at the slow pace and raspiness of your voice.

“hmm.. want rennie to make the thoughts go away?”

your head lolls onto the back of the couch and your bra-less chest points toward the sky. he can see the outline of your pierced nipples through your baby pink tank top and he sighs.

the two of you finally make eye contact once more and you lean your head up towards his, eyes deadlocked on his lips.

“please.”

that was all eren needed to hear before engulfing you in his arms. he pulls you onto his lap and runs his hands up the sides of your body, taking extra time to trace the chub that outlines ur tummy.

he drags his thumbs over your nipples causing your body to jerk. he smiles slightly and flicks his eyes up to yours, silver eyebrow piercing glittering in the warm livingroom lighting. he peppers kisses along your jawline before finally kissing your lips. you can’t help but think about how soft his lips are and it makes u let out a soft moan.

he breaks the kiss but never stops rubbing on you, “you taste so sweet. is it ya lipgloss?”

you smile, “yeah. it’s that glossier shit. cookie butter.”

he kisses you again, running his tongue over your lips once he breaks it once more, “i bet your pussy’s sweeter than this though.”

before you can respond, he reaches down into your shorts and plays with the waistband of your panties. rubbing his fingers over the outline of your cunt, causing you to shiver each time.

eren kisses your lips once more and finally touches your bare pussy. once his fingers find your clit, he makes the smallest circles and your hips jerk. he can feel you begin to pull away from the kiss, but his mouth follows you, preventing you from complaining.

he begins to apply a bit more pressure and you ease up in his grip once more. his fingers then travel down further and begin to make their way inside you. unable to hold yourself together, you let out a slight “fuck” and eren groans.

“you’re so fuckin wet. you mus’ really like me, huh baby”. he licks his lips and kisses your neck.

“yes ren… liked you since i first seen you.”, you admit.

eren pulls his head from your neck and grips your cheeks, forcing you to meet his eyes. “aww. baby had a crush on ‘er plug. gonna make this pussy feel so good for you, ‘kay?”

after a small yes, eren lays you down gently on your couch and begins to pull your shorts and panties down. your hands go to cover yourself and he pins them to your chest. he then pulls your tank top over your head and leaves the material loosely around your wrists.

immediately after, eren removes his shirt and your eye to eye with his tatted stomach and chest. you knew by his arms he had a lot of ink, but it was never assumed to go this far. his tattoos were so sexy though, they made your mouth water.

eren then began his assault on your neck once more, this time gradually making his way down your body. he ran his tongue over your nipples, releasing each with an obnoxiously loud pop.

as he made his way down your stomach, you could feel him start to lick down your body, making a point to leave a trail of red splotches in his wake.

when his eyes deadlock on your pussy, you can feel eren’s dick jump in his pants. he takes his thumb and pulls the hood of your vagina up, taking his sweet time in admiring your pink pussy.

he licks his lips and smirkss at you before diving head first in between your legs. his long, pink tongue swirls over your clit so gently, it makes you see stars. he licks you just like the sheet, so slowly that it takes your breath away.

he sucks gently on your clit and your hands reach down to run through his hair. your fingers wrap around the root and pull slightly, causing him to groan into your pussy.

his hand runs up your leg and you feel his middle and index finger push into your walls, gently caressing your g-spot.

by this point, your writhing so hard against the bed eren’s had to use all of his strength to restrain you with one hand. and while you knew eren could overpower you, having firsthand proof made you all the more wet.

with a few more licks to your clit, eren found you suddenly tensing up against his tongue, small body shaking and convulsing around his tongue as your orgasm overpowered your senses.

“pretty baby’s never came this hard huh? s’okay, you got somebody to handle you now. i’ll make this cunt cum everyday. my perfect girl.”

with the combination of eren’s dirty words and his gentle caresses against your nipples, it was extremely hard for you to ground yourself within reality. he was too good at sex, especially for someone as inexperienced as you.

eren finally rises and removes his jeans. his black calvin’s cling to his hips and muscular thighs as he drags you by your ankle to the edge of your couch.

he pulls down his boxers and his dick hits his stomach with a dull thud, angry red tip leaving a bit of pre where it made contact with his stomach.

he presses your legs against your body and grips his dick, hard. he runs it through your fold a few times, using the slight curve of his dick to hit your clit each time he got close. he tapped his dick against your clit a few times, and finally slipped it in.

with the two of you simultaneously gasping, eren’s grip on your hips got tighter, desperately trying to will himself to not fully sheath himself inside of you. as he slowly slipped in, he could feel your pussy twitch against him, forcing him to thumb at your clit.

“need ya to calm down baby. gonna squeeze me to death” his voice is rough and restrained, similar to his hips.

you respond, breathless and weak, “m’tryin. feel you s’deep”

his eyes flick up to yours, “oh yeah? where ya feel me baby?”

your head peaks up slightly and eren takes a look at your fucked out face. lips wet, red, and swollen, eyes watery with rosy cheeks. you were so beautiful, he never wanted to take his eyes off of you. but, he had a more pressing matter at hand.

your hand reaches down and presses on your stomach, signifying to eren where his dick is inside you. however, you choke out a moan and add onto his ever growing ego, “but i swear ren, i feel you in my throat. you’re just so - fuck - you’re so big” placing much emphasis on big.

his eyes roll into the back of his skull as he looses all composure. his hips snap relentlessly into yours, bullying his cock into your tight pussy. by this point, eren is not only lost in the feeling of your cunt, but knowing that he needs to feel you cum around him.

he keeps a hand locked onto your jaw, forcing you to keep eye contact with him. you can see how feral he is behind his eyes and it makes you gush. he’s like a wild animal and it turns you on way more than you ever imagined.

with a particular thrust, eren hits that soft spot inside of you and your legs instinctively lock around his hips. the worldless confirmation was all he needed to continue to hit that special spot inside of you. as the speed of his hips increases, he finally reaches his peak, with that familiar pulse of your pussy shortly following.

a particularly loud “fuck” leaves your mouth at the same times eren grits out your name. his hips operate on autopilot, snapping back into your cunt at a jagged pace.

once eren returns to earth, he sees the white ring of cream you left around the base of his cock. he swipes two fingers down and places them to your lips. “suck”, is all that leaves his mouth and you follow his command.

as eren slowly pulls out of you, your head lolls against the couch and you finally feel yourself catch a breath.

when eren returns, he uses a warm rag to wipe you up before helping you put your clothes back on. after he follows suit, he picks you up bridal style and carries you to your room.

he sets you down and pulls back your baby pink duvet, tucking you into the blankets. you reach your hand up to him and grab his shirt sleeve, confusion and hurt dancing behind your eyes.

eren kneels beside your bed and pets your hair, “i’m not runnin out on ya y/n. i jus gotta do my job. i’ll be back once im finished, promise.” he gives you a gentle kiss on the lips, and you can hear his shoes scuff against the hardwood floor as your eyes close.

however, hours later, you’re awoken to the sound of knocks at your door and your phone ringing; it’s eren.

“hello?” you answer, voice groggy from sleep.

eren chuckles slightly and lets out a breath, “told you i’d be back ma. lemme in”.

[theetherealbloom]

UNEVEN ODDS — CH. 2

Chapter Two: Roll Up Your Sleeves

Summary: The Reader is dragged into the Last of Us universe and has no choice but to watch the events unfold or will she be able to change what was already written?

Paring: Joel Miller x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Age-gap Romance, Violence, Angst, Fluff, Guns, PTSD, Depression, Anxiety, Swearing, Reader wants to sacrifice herself, Zombies, eventual SMUT, MY SCIENCE IS WONKY, probable plot holes, rusty writing

Word Count: 4.8k

A/N: Holy shit there are so many of you sjdfhgsk AHHHH thank you so much for all the notes and comments, I appreciate it! Here’s a little bit of info for you to understand a little bit of my thought process. In my outline, the reader is an Enneagram Type 9: The Peacekeeper. (This helps me add a little bit of depth to you so I don’t feel entirely lost when writing) if she seems “passive” or “complacent” it’s cause she wants everything to go smoothly and be without conflict. I’d like to believe there’s a little part of us that prefer to avoid tension, due to the fear of loss and separation from the people or things you love. I’ll go a little bit more in-depth about this in the story as it progresses. Hope you enjoy!

Song: evermore (feat. bon iver) by Taylor Swift

Previous Chapter -> Next Chapter | Series Masterlist

TLOU WORLD – 2023

BOSTON - NOON

You walk along the ruins of a long-abandoned Boston with an overpowering sense of dread. It feels like the build-up of a song in which you know the tune, the lyrics, and the beat. Strings of violins, drums, and bells ring and thump in your mind, unwanted and uncaring of how you feel. This curse of knowledge you never asked for but which you carry follows you as the four of you approach the Bostonian Museum. Creeper vines and Cordyceps grow on the sides of the building, marked by conspicuous veins and all-consuming every red brick of this once-beautiful structure.

The four of you stand outside the entrance of the museum. Cordyceps consume every part of the foundation, Ellie tilts her head to look up at it appalled, “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” You stand next to Joe, using your hand to rub your right eye, and mumble, “Shit.”

“Well, there’s a way across from the top floor,” Tess says while moving to place her hands in the pockets of her pants. Ellie sarcastically replies, “Well, then I guess it’s fine.” Tess reassures her by adding, “We use to take it all the time.”

Ellie answers, “Okay.” Joel leaves your side and approaches a dry vein of the Cordyceps, removing the rifle he stole from the FEDRA guard, he crouches and touches a part of it to check if it was still active. He swings downward, hits the vein with the butt of the gun, and a puff of dust releases from the dead fungi, he stands to walk over to Tess, “It’s bone dry. It could mean they’re all finally dead in there.”

Tess nods, then they both kneel to prepare their flashlights and weapons, just in case. You and Ellie watch them both rummage through their backpacks, “Oh, man,” the kid mutters.

Joel whips out a flashlight and waves it at Ellie, “Marlene pack you one of these or just sandwiches?” She removes her backpack, “Yeah,” and pulls out her flashlight. Joel looks to you, “Catch, hummin’ bird.” That was the only warning he gave you before tossing you the flashlight, “Luckily, I have a spare.”

You’re short of breath as you hear the nickname he gave you. Miraculously, caught it with both hands, and without even thinking you wink, “Thanks, cowboy.” Thankfully, no one says anything about your quip directed at him.

“Okay, so… more ground rules.” Tess announces and turns to Ellie,  “We’re gonna go slowly. If we come up against anything you get behind us and you stay there, okay?” The young girl nods and wears her backpack, “Yes.” Tess brings out her handgun and flashlight, positioning her hands in a way that she can use both. Ellie glances at the gun she’s holding, “I have a spare hand.”

Joel is unamused by what she is insinuating, dryly replies, “Congratulations.” He walks forward with determination, he pokes his head through the door to do an initial check before turning around to nod at the three of you to signal it’s clear. Reluctantly, you follow them inside, your mind has kicked into overdrive, trying to figure out a way to get past this with zero casualties. If you sacrifice yourself, would that change the ending? Would it buy Tess a little more time? This might be your grand attempt to do something right and kind without assurance, without the promise of an afterlife.

Flashlights dance and shine around the walls of the abandoned museum, you watch your step and try to calm the beating of your heart as you look at the artifacts left behind. You navigate through the hallways and come across a corpse of an infected deceased. Joel shines his flashlight on the fungi, “Yeah, cooked.” Tess exhales, “Finally, some fucking luck.” Ellie steps a little closer to investigate the remains of what was once human, Joel continues, “I guess we should’ve gone this way in the first place.”

You were so caught up in trying to ground yourself in the reality of all of this, that this is actually happening, that you forgot to at least warn them about the Clickers they were about to face in a couple of moments. Just as Ellie was about to turn a corner, you whisper loudly to her, “Ellie wait!”

Too fucking late. “Oh shit,” Ellie exclaims with wide eyes, and Joel makes a move to inspect what she found. A dead bruised, bloodied, young man slouched against the corner. Ellie’s eyes were full of shock, “What the fuck did that?”

Joel and Tess look at each other knowingly, and you finally decide to speak up, for her and theirs, “Whatever you’re about to say or hope for, don’t bother.” The three of them turn to look at you and you decide to continue in an audible whisper, “I wasn’t sure if I could or should warn you, but we need to stay quiet from now on.” You gather your courage to look directly at Joel with an unwavering stare, “It’s exactly what you suspect it is.”

“Are you saying an infected did that?” Ellie whispers to the three adults, and she resumes, “Because I’ve been attacked by one and it wasn’t like that.” Joel looks at you and he can see the way your face twists, your lips curled downwards, and your eyes show your remorse and guilt, he whispers to everyone, “Okay, from this point forward we are silent. Not quiet. Silent.” Ellie looks at him concerned and confused, “What?” But Joel shakes his head, “No. No questions. Just do it.”

This is it. You think to yourself as you will your feet to move, continuing, you follow Joel and Ellie up the stairs with Tess trailing behind. You remember when you could cover your eyes to the scary moments of the show, you could press pause, or fast forward, not needing to witness and feel the distress and panic.

The quiet creak of each floorboard of the steps as your boots land on the rotting wood, it groans all of your weight and dust falls from the ceiling. You all stop silently, waiting for any indication of an infected discovering that all of you were in the museum. After a moment, Joel looks back at you, a silent way of asking if it’s okay, you throw him a bone and give him a tiny spoiler, then you nod at him. And all four of you continue up the stairs.

As you make the first landing of the steps, you shine your flashlight to meet a horrifying view. Multiple corpses of people who were infected with Cordyceps lay on the wooden floors. It’s unspeakable and all-consuming, the silence overwhelms your system, there is a sudden tightness in your chest, and feel a part of your mask slip, your eyes shift and move to look at the pile of bodies. Organs and parts that were once human, were scooped out and transformed into fungi.

Your mouth opens silently, quivering as you do, and you lightly shake your head. Joel steps over the rotting fungi, just as you were about to grab Ellie and warn her about what she couldn’t see, you were too late. Again. A satisfying crunch could be heard throughout the building and you squeeze your eyes shut in fear for a moment then you reopen them. Joel whips around to look at Ellie with annoyance, the kid gives him an apologetic look.

Thankfully, you managed to make it up the steps with no more issues. Joel slowly opens the door to Independence Hall, and the wood gives a quiet creak. He quickly scans the area before deciding to nod at all of you, telling you it’s clear.

With your foresight and knowledge of events that had already happened in your time, you decide to act accordingly and give a hard shove to both Tess and Ellie inside the Hall and quickly follow after, gravity takes place and parts of the museum collapse, pieces of wood and cement block the doors. You were trapped.

Tess and Ellie push themselves off the ground, but you take a little longer to get up. You scraped your arms and hands, and the pain in your head came back. Joel quickly and quietly helps Ellie up then realizes you haven’t moved yet. He immediately makes his way to you, lightly shaking you to get up, you blink back the blurry black spots that are forming in your eyes and stand up with his help, both of his hands on the underside of your forearms.

You squint and slowly look up at him, and for what felt like a second, you see the worry that lines his face. Concern and need to protect you, even though you’re just a stranger. The moment doesn’t last long, you hear the familiar sound of screeching in the room adjacent to you. Flashlights shine in the direction of the noise and you hold your breath as all of you walk backward, keeping your eyes on the monster that emerges from the shadows. The twitchy movements are followed by the croaky noises of the infected, it tries to navigate, searching for its next prey. And on queue, the other Clicker screeches, indicating that there are two of them. This is no longer a museum, it’s a fucking horror house and all of you are in for the worst experience of your life.

You are now surrounded by predators, and prey, playing a twisted game of hide and seek. You press your back against the glass of the cabinet, Tess to your right, Ellie to your left, and Joel being the farthest left. He gestures to his eyes and ears, quietly mouthing, “They can’t see, but they can hear.”

The creature groans and croaks, clicking sounds from its throat. It’s right behind the glass, your eyes drift to the monster and see its jerky movements. You bring your eyes to look at Joel, he lifts his pointer finger to his lips, indicating to be incredibly still and silent. Fear is the darkness and the unknown, a hard-to-shake feeling, it overstays its welcome and leaves you panting.

Tess watches the monster make its way around the corner, limping and shaky. Ellie closes her eyes to try and control her breathing, and you get yourself ready for the fight you never wished for. ‘Why is it always so fucking dark?’ You wonder inside your head, The Clicker comes into view, and you hear an audible gasp come from Ellie. Shit.

The creature turns in your direction at full tilt, mouth wide open with its yellowing teeth, and gives the loudest high-pitch screech. Joel sprays bullets into the Clickers’ chest, but it fights back, he looks in your direction and yells out, “Run!”

The second clicker begins to sprint toward you and Tess shoots at it but the bullet misses. Tess grabs Ellie by the arm and drags her away, while you run with them. The four of you get separated, Tess trips and so do you and Ellie, she yells out to tell her, “Run… Run!”

Ellie crawls her under a table and finds her way out, while the Clicker runs after Tess. You are now at a crossroads, Joel is running at the other end of the exhibit while Tess heads in the opposite direction. You swiftly make a split-second decision and duck, right behind Ellie under the table, however, you do not crawl away, instead, you wait for the Clicker to run by you and quietly get up to follow after Tess. This is your chance to make things right, to ensure she doesn’t get bitten. Will this cost you your life?

You grab an ax hanging from the wall and run to the other side of the room, you hold it with both hands and feel the sweat coating your skin. You turn a corner and see Tess pinned up against the wall, the creature feasting on her neck, your heart drops to the bottom of your stomach, and you let out a scream, “No!”

The creature quickly turns and shrieks at you, angry for interrupting its meal, now it begins sprinting towards you, and the adrenaline pumps into your bloodstream and system. The anger starts to flare in your chest, the silence grows louder along with the ringing in your ears. You stand unwavering and with the courage that has been asleep for so long, it awakens at the right time.

Aiming directly at its head, you throw the axe with everything you have. It lands on a portion of its mushroom-infected face. Yet, it only slows the creature down a second, screaming and swinging its long mutated arms, and tries to locate you, but, it hears the commotion in the other room, loud pops of a revolver can be heard and you assume it’s Joel killing the other Clicker.

The abomination of what once was human turns and screeches at Joel and Ellie, it scampers towards them and you feel the pulse in your veins like a fighter, you fight the fear and let the rush take over, you sharply glance at the handgun Tess had dropped during the chaos and without hesitation, you pick it up and pray it still has some bullets in the chamber.

This was a skill you wished you never had to use. All those days in the range were just a precaution, the world is not kind to women, and you learned to protect yourself just in case. It meant only using a gun when you or the people you loved were in danger.

Using one hand, you swiftly remove the safety with your thumb, aim, and shoot at the head of the Clicker. With three loud pops and then a fourth one for good measure, the monster falls to its knees and on the ground.

Dead.

Blood oozes from the infected’s head, and you stand there watching the crimson splatter grow larger. Tess appears from the archway and takes in the vision before her. You turn to aim the gun at her, your fight instincts kick in, still high from the adrenaline, and you stand there breathing heavily.

Joel yells out your name. You blink once, then twice. A beat passes, and you don’t register Joel approaching you in a calm slow manner, his arm stretched out with his palm facing you, treating you as if you were a frightened animal, now he places his hand on top of yours, a touch so gentle you barely register it. Carefully and steadily he takes away the gun in your hand and turns the safety on before handing it to Tess, which she slowly takes, while you let it happen.

Your vision is blurry and tries to swallow away your guilt. You were too late. You couldn’t save her. Joel says your name again, he’s in front of you now, his frame covering and protecting Tess, but he has replaced the gun you once held, with his hand. Ellie watches the events unfold from the side, not wanting to create any more noise or movement. He squeezes your hand and whispers, “It’s okay… It’s okay.”

It’s not, but his voice brings you back anyway. You look to Tess, your eyes full of sorrow, and your voice quivers as you speak, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” Tess nods knowingly, she swallows her pride and sadness to say, “It’s okay. You tried… um, thank you.”

Her words completely snap out of your trance, and you see the world a little clearer now. You nod back at her, then bring your eyes to Joel, who is still holding your hand. His eyes dance around, observing and taking note of every detail of your face. You’re the first to break the staring contest, realizing that Tess doesn’t have a lot of time. You step back away from him, dropping his hand, “We should get going.”

Joel turns to Tess, “You all right?” She nods, “Twisted ankle, but yeah.” She limps over to Ellie, “You all right?”

“Well, I didn’t shit my pants, so…” Ellie says and pulls up the sleeve of her jacket to reveal a bite from the infected. “You fucking kidding me?” she exclaims and turns to look at Joel, “I mean if it was going to happen to one of us.”

Tess stays silent at that, glancing at you to keep your mouth shut. You give a discreet nod in response, Tess calls out to Joel, “Hey. Let’s get the fuck out of here.”

Joel pushes the window up and opens, stepping out onto the roof, Ellie follows and you do too, leaving Tess for last, who plops down to rest her ankle, “Fuck.”Joel kneels and opens his pack to give Ellie a bandage, “Put this around your arm.” She takes it and says, “Thanks.” You watch as Ellie makes her way to a wooden plank, makeshift bridge, “Over there?” Joel glances over while continuing to fuss over Tess, “Yeah, I know it looks scary.”

“That was scary. This is wood.” Ellie states and proceeds to walk across the wood plank to get to the other building’s roof. Joel watches in disbelief and hollers, “Just wait there. Give us a minute.” He turns to look at you, “Can you go make sure she’s…” You only nod, knowing that Joel and Tess need to talk, you look at the wood plank they call a bridge and mumble to yourself, “If the way I die is falling from a high place, so be it.” 

You walk across with no problem and catch up to Ellie, “Hey,” you say as you stand by her and take in the view. “What happened to you back there?” Ellie asks, the wind blowing strands of hair away from her face. You huff, “I don’t know. The adrenaline took over, I guess.”

You both stand in silence now, then you can hear the heavy footsteps of Joel walking up to the right of Ellie, she merely glances at him and then turns back to see the State House in the distance, glittering under the sunlight. “Is it everything you hoped for?” Joel asks her, Ellie blinks but answers him, “Jury’s still out. But, man you can’t deny that view.”

You hear Tess approaching from behind, eager to keep moving, “Come on, let’s get there before it’s dark.” She turns and then climbs a ladder down, letting out a groan of pain no one question or brings up. Joel nods at Ellie to follow Tess which he does, you look at Joel as Ellie climbs down. And you held his gaze for a moment, then look to his broken watch, before climbing down after the young kid.

Leaves crunch with every step you take, Tess lightly limping ahead, she turns to look at you, and you could only stare back. Tess looks straight ahead once more, and you can’t help but wonder about the violence of the dog days and what could get you through this. You see the State House from a distance, a hauntingly beautiful sight, creeper vines growing on the pillars and sides of the edifice.

The group decides to hide behind an abandoned car near the state house, and immediately could tell that something was very wrong, “Where the fuck are they?” Tess harshly states, Joel, shakes his head and decides to go check the truck parked outside by the steps of the ruined State House.

Joel walks over cautiously to the door of the truck, he swings it open to aim his rifle at it, only for the seats to be empty. Joel sees the blood splattered on the sides of the door, and turns to mouth at you all, “Stay back.” He rounds the side of the truck and notices a recently deceased, he continues to the back of the truck, swinging the giant blue metal doors, to confront no one.

You follow Ellie and Tess as she demands, “Joel, what the fuck is going on?” Joel shakes his head, “I don’t know.”

No longer wanting to play along, you look down to see a trail of blood up the steps and into the State House, you hear someone call your name, but say nothing as you walk up to the doors of the building. You push your way through, briskly walking to the center of the structure, and you take a good look at the multiple dead people scattered on the ground. You shake your head and close your eyes, “Fuck.”

You hear the three come in after you and they notice immediately what happened, Tess goes into a panic, “Okay. I mean there’s gotta be a fucking radio or something, right?” She proceeds to open the kit boxes that contain nothing but supplies, searching for anything that could help them win.

“Who killed them? FEDRA?” Ellie asks, and you reply, “No,” you nod to the man on the ground, Joel rolls him over with his boot and you continue, “One of them got bit. The healthy ones fought the sick ones. Everyone lost.”

Joel’s nostrils flared as he stared at you, “You knew? You knew and didn’t even bother to warn us that this was all for nothin’?” You raised your chin, “They were already dead hours before we got here.” His jaw clenched while you stood, fists clenched by your sides, and rolled your shoulders back, glaring at Joel.

Joel calls out to Tess, “Tess, what are you doing?” She ignores him and approaches Ellie, “Where did Marlene say that she was taking you?” Ellie responds unsure, “Uh, I don’t know. Just west.”

“Just west. Fuck. okay. Well, I mean, one of them’s gotta have a map on them, right?” Tess then goes to search one of the deceased Firefly’s pockets, “Joel, can you help me?”

“No.” He fumed, “Tess, it’s over. We are going home.”

“That’s not my fucking home!”

You let the exchange happen, while you move to one of the kits to retrieve a handgun, some ammo, and a small first-aid kit, and steal a backpack sitting on top of the chairs to shove all your supplies inside. Then, you hear Tess say the words you knew would happen, “I’m staying. I mean, our luck had to run out sooner or later.”

“Fuck.” Ellie whispers, “She’s infected.”

Tess sighs, and Joel’s eyes hardened and narrowed into slits, “Show me.” She takes a step forward and whispers his name, only for him to take a step back. Tess then steps back, anguish splashes across her face, then pulls the collar of her shirt and jacket, to reveal the growing infection on her neck, “Oops, right? And don’t bother taking it against her,” Tess gestures to you, “She did everything she could to save me, but I guess fate had already cut my string.”

Joel takes in a breath of disbelief while Tess looks to Ellie, “Take your bandage off.” Which she does to reveal no evidence of infection, just a new scar on her forearm to add to her collection. Tess makes her way to Ellie and holds her arm, “Look. Joel? This is real.” She drags Ellie closer to him, “Joel, she’s fucking real.” Her grip suddenly becomes twitchy and she wills her hand to stop shaking and hides it behind her back, she stares directly into the eyes of whom she once loved, “I need you to get her to Bill and Frank’s.”

Joel is shaking his head as he replies, “No.” But Tess continues to speak, “They’ll take her off your hands. They’ll handle it from here.”

“No… I can’t. They won’t take her. They’re not gonna take her.” He says and you watch each part you knew to unfold, Tess whispers to him, “They will because you’ll convince them. Yes, you will. I never ask you for anything. Not to feel the way I felt…”

“No.” He stubbornly states, but Tess lets the tears stream down her face and exclaims, “Now, you shut the fuck up because I don’t have time.”

He grants her request and listens, “This is your chance. You get her there. You keep her alive and you set everything right. All the shit we did.” Joel shakes his head as Tess begs, “Please say yes, Joel. Please.”

Despite the somber mood, a screech from one of the corpses has come to life and taken its revenge on the living, Ellie screams out, “Oh, fuck!” But your reaction time is faster this time, and you no longer hesitate as you walk towards the parasite, remove the safety of the gun and shoot it point blank in the head. Joel comes up behind you, and takes notice of what you’re staring at, the Cordyceps patch has awakened the rest of the infected and you hear the croaks and shrieks from outside of the State House.

Joel runs up to one of the doors to check how many are on the way, he shuts the door and locks it after making out the horde approaching. “How many?” Tess asks, Joel walks past her, “All of ‘em. Maybe a minute.”

Tess takes one of the rifles off of the floor and uses the butt of the gun to remove the lid on the fuel barrels. She pushes it to the floor, and the clear yellow liquid pours out of it and coats the floor. You help and do the same to the other barrel, knowing how this will end for Tess. “What are you doing?” Ellie asks, watching you and Tess scatter grenades on the ground, “Making sure they don’t follow you.”

Tess then approaches Joel, breathless and shaking, “Joel. Save who you can save.”

He clenches his jaw and his nostrils flared, angry, confused, upset, everyone he ever loved leaves or dies. He stares at her, soaking in her image as much as he can, and then he makes his decision. He quickly grabs Ellie by the arm and drags her away, her protests can be heard as it fades away around the corner, she punches his arm to try and break loose but he’s much stronger, “No! We’re not leaving her! Get off me, you fucker!”

Tess says your name and you turn to face her, “You weren’t lying? About the whole different universe thing?” You can only shake your head in response, hoping she can see your heart breaking into pieces.

Tess hums and gives you a small smile, “Take care of them for me, please? Especially Joel. Stubborn as a mule but you’ll learn to love him, just like I did.” You decide to grant the woman her dying wish, you nod and whisper, “Goodbye, Tess.”

You turn to run and didn’t look back, pushing out of the wooden doors, while tears stream down your face slightly obscuring your vision. But you manage to catch up with Joel and Ellie, as you did, the blast from the State House is sudden and loud. The smell of burning kerosine fills the air and you turn to look back at the raging fire, Joel turns and points his rifle at the area, ready to shoot just in case, only to hear screeching and the infected burning on the steps of the building.

You stare and one-half of your senses silently wish Tess would walk out, but you can no longer rewind, she’s gone. Ellie pants, trying to catch her breath, tears rimming her eyes and Joel lowers his rifle to turn away from the roaring flames. You and Ellie turn to watch his lone silhouette walk away from you both.

A/N: WELL that’s the end of Episode 2! Lowkey was fighting invisible demons to get this chapter edited and out bcs I wanted to improve on describing movement, anger, sorrow, etc. IT WAS EXTREMELY DIFFICULT T^T but I hope I didn’t disappoint ya’ll <3 ALSO YEP MHM TAGLIST! Send me an ask so I can add ya! It’ll stay open for a tiny period of time so send away :D

I’m proud of you for doing the right thing by trying to save Tess! Even though we all know you secretly admire Joel and would have chased after him to ensure his safety with Ellie. hehehehehe 

Yes, the reader only knows everything up to Episode 3, meaning she has no clue about the rest of the show! She knows (most) parts of the video game but alas we know Television series like to change things so she’s lowkey fucked lol

I LIVE FOR YOUR COMMENTS ya’ll crack me up and have the best reactions. Thank you for your support and love. I’ll try and get the next chapter out soon!

-Grace

Previous Chapter -> Next Chapter 

Taglist:

@memento-mora @elijahssuit @tartiflvtte @lillylilly2 @kyuupidwrites @amethystwonders11 @syd-vixious @themysticturtles @kidkrow666​ @soulofapatrick​ @ponyboys-sunsets @superflymaterial @chaotic-imposter  @vainbimbo @eva-stark @loki-an-idiot @littleshadow17 @undermoonlightwalk @afternoon-evening @notmysunnydale​ @mac5323 @slurmp69

[vintageshanny]

Hot Leather

Content: 70s Elvis, smut in the suit pictured below, 18+

Writing prompt:

“Do you mind? I came here to get away from other people.”

You headed back inside the house after a nice walk around the grounds of Graceland.  It was a beautiful day, but Elvis had decided he couldn’t join you because he wanted to try on a few new costumes he had ordered.  He was thinking of changing it up from the usual white jumpsuits he performed in.  You headed up to the bedroom in search of him.  “Elvis?  Where are you?”  There were some rustling noises coming from the large walk-in closet, but the door was closed.  You walked over and flung it open, wondering if an animal had somehow gotten in the house.  Instead of an animal, you saw Elvis standing in front of you in a skin-tight beige leather suit with metal adornments.

“Do you mind?  I came here to get away from other people,” he burst out, sounding embarrassed.  “It’s not other people, baby, it’s just me,” you said, looking him up and down.  “I-I-I’m sorry, honey, I know, I-I-I just didn’t want ya to see this yet.  I’m not sure how I look.  Is it t-t-too much?”  You couldn’t help smirking at the idea that Elvis would find any outfit to be “too much.”  You looked him over again and took in all the details.  There was an interesting V-shaped design of metal studs going about halfway down the front of the shirt, with his hairy chest poking out in between.  There were more studs in a design around his knees.  The suit was almost the color of his flesh, which gave an illusion of nudity at first glance.  But what really drew your eyes in was the lace-up crotch.  

“It’s definitely a different look.  It’s very sexy, very um, form-fitting,” you rambled on while your eyes were laser-focused on his package.  He followed your gaze down to the lace-up pouch of fabric that contained Little Elvis and smirked a little bit.  “Oh, do ya like my form, baby?” he chuckled.  Little Elvis was beckoning to you like a siren song.  You drew closer to him, rubbing your hand gently over the outline of him.  He breathed in sharply.  “Your, uh, form always looks good to me.  Maybe I should see if someone needs a little break from all that hot leather,” you murmured as you rubbed a little harder, feeling his length grow under your hand, a soft groan escaping his lips.  Pushing Elvis up against the wall of the closet, you got down on your knees in front of him, now face to face with the laces that were starting to look a little strained. 

“It’s like opening a gift on Christmas morning,” you whispered excitedly as you started to untie the string.  “Yeah?  Did you ask Santa for a rock hard cock, baby?”  Elvis said, unable to contain his loud hiccuping laughter.  “I didn’t even have to ask, he knew I wanted that when I started dating you,” you teased.  Peeling down the tight leather pants just enough for his cock to spring out, you leaned in and ran your tongue across the sensitive tip that was peeking out of the foreskin, causing Elvis to shiver with delight.  “Goddamn baby, you always know just what to do with your gift.”  Taking his cock in one hand, you moved your mouth up and down on it while the other hand gently braced against his waist, your fingertips brushing against the soft skin of his stomach underneath the leather shirt.  Once you got a good rhythm, you moved your hand off his cock and let him thrust into your mouth while your hands roamed over his body, squeezing his thighs and butt through the leather pants.  He reached down and fondled your breasts while you continued to take him in your mouth, your name repeatedly falling from his lips between groans and whispers of “Oh, god, that feels so good.”  

“Baby, I think I’m bout to cum, ya ready?”  he called out, never wanting to surprise you with it.  You nodded as you moved your mouth up to suck at his tip while the warm explosion poured over your tongue.  “Oh god honey,” he groaned out with a shudder, slumping back against the wall while you licked his cock clean.  You’d do anything to hear this beautiful man moan out your name in pleasure like that.  Little Elvis gave one last little twitch as you kissed him softly and helped Elvis lace the pants back up.  

“So is that a yes to this costume then?”  Elvis asked, pulling you in for a big kiss.  “Mmm, I don’t know Elvis, I kind of want this gift to be just for me,” you patted Little Elvis gently.  “I don’t want some other woman trying to unlace you.”  “Oh, honey, ain’t no one else could unlace me like you do,” he laughed.  “Y’know,” he added a little sheepishly, “this came with a cape too.”  Your eyes lit up at that.  “Oh, my superhero, huh?  Some time you can come rescue me wearing just the pants and cape.”  “You don’t like the shirt?” he asked, a little surprised.  “I like it, baby, but I want easy access to this.”  You reached into the opening of his shirt and ran your fingers across his chest hair, giving his nipple a light pinch, causing him to give a little moan and shiver.  “Mmm I love how sensitive you are, daddy.”  “You’re a little weirdo, y’know that?” he laughed.  “That’s just what you do to me.  So damn sexy,” you stared into his beautiful eyes and leaned in for another kiss, feeling on a high from the taste and scent and feel of this man.

Sorry ladies, I had to do it! I couldn’t get this suit off my mind, and now hopefully neither can you! Is it out of my system? Probably not. 😂 Thanks for the inspiration and making me feel like less of a weirdo for being turned on by this suit @thatbanditqueen! The rest of you will come around. @missmaywemeetagain @whositmcwhatsit @ellie-24 @be-my-ally @from-memphis-with-love

[pinehutch]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Spread the self-love ❤

Thank you for tagging me!

I should be honest: I am not much of a fic writer. This isn't self-effacing; I've been reading fic since the early aughts but only have 10 works on ao3. One of them is a poem. One of them is a few hundred words of something I've never finished.

That said, fic is important to me for a lot of reasons, but one is that in 2016 I started following a tumblr for a Dragon Age fic exchange, and in 2017 I wrote the first fiction I'd written in almost 20 years. I had been struggling to write poetry for about 10 years before that, too, and fic writing was part of my path back to writing at all.

This isn't to say that I think fanfic is valueless unless it results in 'original' writing; every story happens in context, and we all know how the lines between fanwork and original work blur, both in fan spaces and in commercial ones. But my particular, personal fondness for fic is because it gave me a path back to the first best thing of my life, which was language, and what we do with it.

With that said, my personal top five (links in titles):

Fundamental Forces (or, Root Causes)

Literally my first fic. This was when I remembered that writing can be fun. It's Dragon Age fic, femHawke/Varric. It's also written with a focus on Hawke's POV, a thing I think I pulled off quite well and have never attempted again. It's very silly. It features a 40-year-old and a 35-year-old being profoundly bad at emotional honesty. I riff on turnips for a while. It has a happy ending, which should surprise no one.

She breathed in through her nose and her eyes fluttered shut. “Kiss me, you idiot. Before they think I’m horrified.” Their first kiss. Quick and mostly chaste and part of a joke. She thought it was fitting.

Chapter Last

This is also T-rated Hawke/Varric, written for the same exchange, a year later. It's about near-misses, and trying again, and not being able to pick up where you left off, and it's stumbling back onto the path later, unexpectedly, and after having found another way. It is about stories, and why we do them.

It's fic of the games, of course, but in a way it's also fic-of-fic: there's a novella that's both a tie-in novel and a diegetic book in the Dragon Age setting, and it was printed irl the summer before I wrote this fic.

What I'm proud of, with this story, is character voice. Whenever I share any Varric-voice writing, even years later, people always say very generous things. Varric's also a writer, canonically, and I had fun mimicking 'his' style in passages of this, and trying to keep in mind how his writing and his inner narration would align and diverge. (Lots of Dragon Age fans are understandably thirsty about Varric; I think I've always found him relatable, in many ways, and it didn't occur to me to thirst. But I love him.)

I don't love the structure; I chaptered this, and way more than I needed to. I'd love to rewrite it, someday, but I also think it's good for me to sit with the awareness of its imperfections and the knowledge that people have loved it anyway.

Afterimage (there are two colours)

The Magnus Archives fic, E-rated. Basira/Daisy. This was meant to be a single installment in a series - I think I have a 20,000 word 'outline' in my gdocs, still, but I'm unlikely to ever finish it. The point of this story is self-indulgent, purple-prose, dreamy smut. Wanting the thing and having it, but not keeping it.

This was baby's first E-rated fic ever written. I have no explanation for this, either.

Transformative Work

Written for the 2022 OFMD Big Bang with @mia-ugly. Mostly Frenchie/Jim, a bit Jim/Oluwande, a bit Frenchie/Oluwande, a light sprinkling of polycule potential.

Transformative Work is my favourite thing I've posted to ao3 for three reasons.

It's 40k! I never finish longer works, so 40k is a big deal to me.

I think it's actually brilliant. Clever as hell, at minimum. But mostly brilliant.

It's collaborative!

Writing has always been a solitary thing for me; one of the things I love about Mia is how we can get on a wavelength about a story. (This is mostly a them trick: they're an excellent collaborator and instigator, in general.) I wasn't at my best when we were writing this, dealing with undiagnosed health issues and workplace burnout and an accumulation of grief, but it was beautiful and joyful work, in the end.

Also, I think it is almost exactly what we wanted it to be, and that is such a high.

Number 5 is a bit of a cop-out but still:

Remember when I said "we all know how the lines between fanwork and original work blur"? This is a poem I started writing when Succession 4.3, "Connor's Wedding" aired. I was in a worst spot than I had been the previous year, health-wise, grief-wise.

The title of this poem, "My Father's Dead and I Feel Old," comes out of Connor Roy's mouth in the episode. I had to pause the episode and just get pummeled by that perfect, simple line of iambs. I was a wreck, just generally. Yeah, man, my father is dead and I do feel old! That sort of thing. (The aforementioned health issue? Still not identified or addressed when this aired in spring 2023, btw. My brain was not braining well.)

But there were words for it. I was off work on medical leave at the time. I had just made the transition from crying like it was a full-time job to sleeping like it was a full-time job. The sleep wasn't helping. The crying hadn't helped, either. It wasn't something people could help. But words, and what we do with them - that helped.

Anyway, I'm actually quite proud of this poem, both as an original piece of poetry and as fanwork. It's not on ao3 for reasons including 'I haven't gotten around to it' and 'I don't know if this is sufficiently transformative, by the invisible guidelines I've just set for myself.'

Thank you for sending this to me, it was a lovely thing to think about on my Friday eve! <3

[lincolndjarin]

Best Kept Secret : What If...?

a series of alternate/unused bks story lines!!

contains spoilers for all of bks!!

alternate torture @ the end

i grappled with this a lot. i very strongly believe that the worst thing you can do with your characters in a high stakes situation is coddle them. if i've learned anything from dnd it's that you cannot be afraid to hurt you characters.

yet for the first time in my life i've become so attached that i just couldn't do it.

the tongue in a box scene was something that caused me a lot of turmoil. in the original cut it was elaine's tongue, but i talked to my friend catie about it and we agreed that cutting off a lesbians tongue is fucked up. then i considered actually cutting off din's tongue, i thought that that would make for something really interesting with the big reveal if he couldn't talk to her but it just seemed too brutal? i couldn't really wrap my head around it so i eventually just made it someone elses tongue.

my replacement for that was din's leg, that was something that sort of came on at the last second, i gave him the limp as foreshadowing and then said fuck it, lets take the whole thing.

dress maker

the scene in chapter 4 where din walks in on her in the bath was originally a much longer sequence where a modiste visited the castle and there was a lot of stuff around making new dresses for her and din was going to walk in while she was getting changed.

eventually i scrapped the entire concept and gave elaine the seamstress trait instead.

multiple parties & balls (masquerade)

i briefly mentioned this in the q&a but in the original bks outline there were a lot more parties and big scenes like that. i realized pretty quickly that balls and parties are a visual medium. the reason why i like those scenes so much in other things is because they're so visually appealing which is harder to do when writing. there was going to be a readers birthday ball, a few other parties or wedding for kodos siblings etc but it always felt like filler.

the masquerade was my dream sequence that just never really fir naturally fit with the story so i eventually had to let it go.

no breakup/rules storyline

there was no break up in the original bks story board. instead, everything after chapter 7 was gonna be based around breaking each and every rule.

each chapter following would have been dedicated to breaking a few of the rules up until the last one that would have been; no falling in love, stop when i say to stop, and no kissing would have all been one big climax chapter. it would have been very little women in the 'we have got to have it out jo' sort of sense where she begs him to stop talking but he just keeps confessing.

eventually i realized that a rule or two break every chapter wasn't very sustainable. it was a fun idea and it might work in a different setting but bks at its core is supposed to be an overly dramatic period piece and there just wasn't enough conflict with that so instead i went with the breakup.

alternative ending

i had a similar ending for quite some time and one day i was listening to music and thinking about bks and realized that she loved naboo. originally they fled after kodo was killed. they built a cabin somewhere far away etc. etc.

but the character seemed to make more sense as someone who would want to do right by the people she had grown to love within the kingdom so i decided to make it a sort of thing where she disassembled the monarchy.

(there was also an ending where she faked her own death, framed kodo, and he was ripped apart by the citizens of naboo)

and of course i briefly considered genuinely killing din and having her raise the baby on her own. but the idea made me so truly upset that i just couldnt do it.

hoth story line

not much to say here other that there was going to be a thing where she went back to hoth to visit her family accompanied by the mandalorian. another thing that was fun as a concept but ended up feeling like filler so i dropped it.

elaine plot twist

another case of me really loving elaine and being conflicted about her character.

originally elaine was going to tell kodo about their relationship. it was going to be a situation where kodo suspected something and threatened lysa forcing elaine to take action but eventually i decided to use my backup which was leo since there had been foreshadowing for that anyway

neutral kodo

for quite a while i planned for kodo to be just a bad husband and not a villain. but i needed more conflict and i needed a driving force and he was easy to mold into that.

there was an alternate storyline where he fell in love with the reader and “killed” din out of jealousy

[hollys-fairy-hell]

Prompt:

Dev finds out why Peri doesn’t use a human disguise

Got an outline idea for it under the cut. Didn’t mean for it to get quite as lengthy but im tired so I kept typing. Feel free to use my prompts but please tag me or send me a link cause I would love to see what you do. This should be in my bio not this post

Imagine with me now. Dev still has Peri pre final. And sees Wanda and Cosmo in human form a lot but never once Peri? Hazel has something je doesn’t and that can’t stand. Not wanting to embarrass himself in front of Hazel (i imagine this kid cares a lot about his image) he waits to confront Peri about it later.

“Peri why don’t you ever go into a human form? Or body? Or mode? Or whatever! Hazel gets to flaunt her fairies to everyone while you always hide!”

Peri in his usual fashion gets rather nervous and refuses to make eye contact with Dev. “Well Dev you see I uhh” his hands fidgeting with his wand. It’s not that he doesn’t know how or no human form picked out. “It’s just um that it’s.” Dev cuts off before he can even figure out what hes gonna say next “whats the hold up? Come on do it!” Imagine Dev doing a little stop with his foot. Peri winces and then turns to Dev with a forced smile “I don’t really think it’s-“ Only to be cut off by Dev with a loud annoyed groan “why am I even bothering with this “I wish you would turn into your human form! or whatever it is, human disguise!” At this Peri winces, gives a soft sign as he raises his wand there was a spider trying to crawl onto my face while writing this and with a poof of smoke presents him self as human.

Insert you idea of human Peri

With a little thunk of his shoes hitting the floor Peri stands there. Eyes blink a few times as he turns to look down on Dev “taadaa” he unenthusiasticly waves his arms over himself as if sarcastic. “There you go kid. My human form. Satisfied?” Dev gave him a look up and down. Peri shuffling a bit on the spot. Switching his weight. Dev began to walk around Peri as if inspecting like a new product searching him for a flaw “I don’t know what I expected. You just as lame as always but taller. He finished circling Peri, and with a final look he starts walking to the door.

Only to stop when he noticed Peri wasn’t following “well?” He turns back and looks at Peri. He sees Peri turn back into a fairy and start to float towards Dev. “No not like that! As a human!” A slight shocked look comes iver Peris face and is quickly replaced with defeat as he lifts his want to turn back into his disguise. Dev then waves his hand for Peri to follow. Peri Who is standing on the spot fidgeting with his hands a bit “listen Kid, my human disguise isnt really something I like walking around in. Or being in at all for a matter of a fact cause it’s rather pai-“ Dev once again cutting him off “it’s not even hard! Arent you supposed to be helping me? Can’t even do this one simple thing on your own?? It’s like I have to do everything by myself!” He huffs. Peri starts to respond but Dev speaks up first “I w~ish you would walk over here already!”

With a deep breath Peri uses his wand as a cane and leans on it heavily as he slowly trudges to where Dev is waiting. A slight wince in each step but he makes it there. Dev of course is unimpressed with this display “What was that? It’s just walking! It’s like the easiest thing in the world to do!” Another deep breath ‘following in your parent’s footsteps you got this.’ Peri tries to look Dev in the eye, though the sunglasses don’t help. “You know how easy it is for you use your tablet? A lot of kids or even adults struggle with technology on the level that you do everyday. But for me when it comes to walking, even though it’s easy and natural for a lot of people, it’s different. Imagine if every time you took a step your shoes are two sizes smaller. Or you have a very heave backpack on. Thats kinda what it’s like for me.” Trying his best to hopefully get Dev to understand. But the kid scoffed and crossed his arms “my shoes are always the right size and I don’t have to carry anything ever.” Thinking about it Peri had to agree “yeah I guess you are right. I don’t think I have seen you really carry much…. But thats not the point. The point that I am trying to make is walking in my human disguise, or even just as a fairy, is rather different for me. Theres no need for the details but what I described earlier is sorta how it is for me all the time. Without my cane I probably could walk at all, even with it is painful enough I don’t even wanna think about it without.” He shuddered at the thought of it. “Great now im thinking about it”

Tbh idk how to end this. I was gonna have Dev either not notice Peri wincing with each step. Have him meet up with Hazel and get scolded by wanda or cosmo (probably Hazel) about the state Peri is in. But that would require Peri to shut up and go with whatever his godkid wants. I think Peri is a bit hmmm he has some self worth to him I guess. Idk the word im tired lol.

Anyway sorry if this sucks I wrote it like three days apart and after work so im brain dead at this point.

[ckret2]

Hi there! I used to read your radiosnake fics religiously a few years ago and the lore you created for them was just so perfect imo I could never find any authors that scratched the same itch for me personally. I stumbled back upon your work again after watching the new show so I hope you don’t mind me asking about your older work - I was just wondering, if you were to write a sequel to CDIH would it feature Al and Pen rekindling some sort of friendship or romance? I know it would probably take a heck of a slowburn but I’m interested to know where you would’ve taken that story

I've got people following me for a fanfic I posted in 2008, I'm always happy to talk about older work.

I had a skeleton of a sequel outlined that I put on hold to wait to see what the show was like (and it's gonna stay on hold until I finish my current fic and am free to switch my primary fandom), but yeah, the goal was a slowburn reconciliation that leads back to romance.

90% of it would be dedicated to working Alastor around to the point where he decides a relationship is something he wants to choose for himself, rather than something he's unwillingly being forced into by his own treacherous heart.

After a betrayal like that, no big gestures nor lavish gifts nor daring rescues can win Sir Pent back. Big gestures and lavish gifts and daring rescues are cheap and easy for the Radio Demon—and he already gave Sir Pent plenty of those things back before he backstabbed him, so they can't be trusted. Theatrics and heroics are completely useless here. There's only one thing that could possibly win Pent over again:

~*emotional vulnerability*~

The only way back to where they were is by addressing and fixing the root cause of why things fell apart in the first place, and the root cause is Alastor being a cagey lone wolf who's scared of commitment and afraid of his own feelings. He's gotta be a big boy, honestly explain why he did what he did, and state in words what he actually wants now.

Which seems so small and easy. But we're talking about Alastor, here. He's not about to do something crazy like offer vulnerability and honesty until he's already tried and discarded literally every single other Hollywood-approved romantic gesture he can think of, up to and including attempting to win back all Sir Pent's lost turf as some sort of ridiculous courting gift. (It doesn't work. He takes it as an insult. "You don't think I can win it back myself?!" well, the past fifty years suggest no, but—)

In keeping with the theme of "it's Cold Day In Hell part 2, but it's a slow burn, so it's much longer," the tentative title of the fic would be Cold Wave.

[topazadine]

"I've Outlined Too Much and Now I Can't Write!" (Or: the Double Outline Method for Overanxious Plotters)

I see this a lot. I do this a lot. So let's talk about outlining, and how you truly can have too much of a good thing.

In 2022, I tried to write your typical boilerplate samurai novel called Birds of Japan. Standard fare: bisexual daimyō in an arranged marriage with a retainer’s daughter who prefers getting off with his karō (second in command), but slowly comes to love his wife after she helps him defeat a rival lord. Sword fights, gay sex, beheadings, abductions, etc etc, who cares.

I could have made something interesting out of it, especially if I added way more gay sex, but I got 119 pages in and never finished.

Well, that page count is disingenuous. Only 67 of those pages were actual writing.

The rest? All outline.

That’s right. Fifty-seven pages of outline. And there was even more, because I deleted the outline as I went along.

Does this sound like you? Do you have dozens of pages of outline, worldbuilding, character reference sheets, and so on? Okay, good. You're my target audience here.

If you don't have this problem, then congratulations! You are a good and moral person who doesn't torment yourself with outlines. You have nothing to learn from me in this post. You're golden.

Now, back to my fellow overplanners. Why are our Game of Thrones-sized outlines a problem? They create a lack of motivation.

Excessive Outlining Tricks Your Brain

In my post about spreadsheet word counts, I discussed intrinsic motivation, which is when you create goals and compete with yourself in order to get more done. The issue is that you can ruin your intrinsic motivation by planning too much.

This is called mental rehearsal, which Dr. Dev Rowchowdhury, a performance psychologist, explains:

Mental rehearsal involves imagined, mental practice of performing a task as opposed to actual practice. That is, when engaging in mental rehearsal, one imagines performing without having to actually do anything. Using Mental Rehearsal to Boost Your Performance and Well-Being in Sport and Exercise

This is all well and good for athletes, who cannot be physically performing their chosen sport at all times. Sometimes, they need to think through their actions and envision themselves performing it as they should.

However, it goes out the window for us writers. Yes, we do need some form of mental rehearsal, which we then capture in an outline. But if we fantasize too much, we have made our brain believe we’ve already done it. Given that we don’t need kinesthetic memory but actual execution, over-outlining is deleterious for our craft.

At other times, overplanning might cause analysis paralysis. Jodi Clark, a Licensed Professional Counselor, describes it as thus:

Analysis paralysis refers to overthinking a problem to the point that it becomes more difficult to make a decision. It often happens when people are overwhelmed by their choices or have too much information to sort through before they make a choice.  What Is Analysis Paralysis? How Overthinking Affects Your Decision Making

In short, you are doing so much thinking and planning that when you need to do the real work, you can’t because you’re overwhelmed by how much you’ve already done.

I think it is a combination of these two factors that leads to the heartbreaking posts from new writers who have spent months, or even years, daydreaming about their characters and planning their book, but then find themselves completely unable to work. They have rehearsed everything so much that now they have no motivation to continue.

But I’m not telling you to completely give up on outlining.

Planning is good, but not good when you become so rigidly obsessed with your outline that you can’t feel creative: now you’re just following orders you gave yourself and providing no space for different execution.

So, as with everything, whether that is descriptive density or characterization, you need to come to balance. How are we going to do that?

Think Once, Outline Twice

Or just be a heron. They don't think or outline. If only we all had that option.

Anyway. For this method, you will have a long outline and a fast outline. The long outline is where you get out every single thing that you want to include in a given scene, chapter, etc. Anything that you know you may want to have happen, you put it here.

This double outline example is from my beloved fanfic, "Midsummer Nightmare," but I've used this same method while writing The Eirenic Verses.

The words here don’t really matter, so don’t strain your eyes. You just need to see that it’s pretty long, a page for one chapter. I’ve mentioned the conversations, the way that everyone acts, their specific movements that show their emotions, a few snippets of what I intend to write, etc. All very helpful: I can see exactly how the story is going to go.

However, if I work off this, I don’t really have much room for creative freedom. It will feel like I’m plugging in piece after piece, line after line. I may even find myself tempted to tell rather than show because I can no longer visualize things other than what I have already told myself.

When beta reading, I can tell who used long outlines; their sentences read as if they are ripped straight off their planning document. Do not do that. Unless you have written a specific phrase in quotes that you want to use, or a really good piece of dialogue, follow this adage:

What goes in your outline stays in your outline.

You’re not using any of that; it serves as a reminder of what you actually want to write. So, now that you have things set up for yourself (but not written), you want something faster that will not stymie your creative process.

Next, make a fast outline that has only the most relevant plot points.

Much better: only a quarter of a page. I don’t have the action beat for beat, so I know I have to make it up myself in the actual writing. None of this reads as something that would actually happen in the real text (at least, I hope not) because it’s so boring and straightforward.

There are no showing details, almost no dialogue, no real feel for how the scene plays out. Now I feel like I have to get it done myself.

But! And this is a big, voluptuous but.

You Still Have Your Long Outline as a Lifeline

Because this fast outline only covers the most general of plot points, you might not include things that you really wanted to add in there, specifically regarding tension, setting, and so on. Thankfully, you’ve got it right there for you in your long outline, which you can scurry back to if you don’t know what to do next.

Sometimes we set things aside for a while and come back utterly bewildered about what we were trying to do, which is where the longer outline comes in.

We can refamiliarize ourselves with what we wanted to do, then put the long outline aside and turn back to the fast outline. This way, we’re not being tricked into thinking we’ve already done all the work.

I have already finished drafting the 8th book in my series, Perseity, and outlined the 10th, Plexity, because I did the project completely out of order. Now I have now jumped allll the way back to the very second book and will be working my way forward again. To be quite honest, I’ve already forgotten half the stuff that happens in Perseity and have a very, very vague remembrance of Plexity.

But that’s okay! When I’m finally ready to work on Perseity and Plexity, I have my long outline right there. I’ll then cut it down, just as I did before, and I will have a good working knowledge of how I want to proceed.

Many times, the long outline works as a type of “background program” as you write. You have the details in your head, but you’re not staring at them while you work, meaning you’re not tempted to copy-paste them right into your document.

Okay … I hear you complaining right about now.

“But Topazadine, that’s so much extra work! Why not have only the short outline in the first place?”

If you can work off just a few lines from the jump (or are even, dare I say it, a pantser), then that's amazing and I wish you the best of luck. However, not everyone is like that.

I'm talking to the people who plot, and plot, and plot like their lives depend on it because they get anxious not knowing where the story is going to go. Or they just get so excited about figuring out all the plot points that they kinda forget about the writing part.

So sure, it is a bit extra work: removing lines from the long outline, deciding what is so essential that you need to have it available to you, and checking back in with the long outline if you really have to.

However, this way fights the pesky mental rehearsing while still allowing you to plan ahead. It is the way that you can get it done but still have your big long comfort-object outline.

Double Outlines Give You the Best of Both Worlds

You get to meticulously plan without overwhelming yourself. You have some of the freedom that pantsers enjoy, but you also get the comfort of outlining – without sacrificing motivation.

A lot of times, I do the long outline and then never look at it again; I’ve memorized most of what I want to do and can follow the short outline. However, because I don’t have my full plans right there to review, I don’t feel like I’ve already done the work: I know I need to actually write the real thing.

This method works well for those who get anxious about the idea of pantsing but struggle to retain their motivation once they’ve completed their outline. It’s also great for those who have spent a lot of time analyzing and daydreaming about their work, to the point where they don’t even feel they need to write it.

If you often find yourself paralyzed after planning, consider double outlining.

Double outlines are simple and effective. Though they may seem like they take much more work than just a short outline, it’s actually not that hard to distill your plans into a brief. In fact, many use a similar method for developing their synopsis before they start to write, allowing them the freedom to cut everything down before they try to query.

Of course, no tool works for everyone. If you try this and don’t like it, you have my blessing to never do it again. Everyone is different, which is why writing is such a wonderful craft!

Knowing that there are other strategies can be incredibly helpful if you’re new to writing and have no idea where to start. I’m always happy to share, and I hope you get some benefit from dipping your toe into double outlining.

And, since I have demonstrated my utility to you, perhaps you'll consider purchasing my debut novel?

9 Years Yearning is a coming-of-age gay romance set in a fantasy world with poetry magic. It follows two young men as they grow from sorta-enemies, to frenemies, to friends, and finally to lovers.

If you do read it, please don't forget to leave a review!

Reviews are essential to getting visibility on Amazon, so every single one is golden to me.

[just-a-casual-newtasaur]

(Spent far too long on this picture 🥲)

Talking to the stars

Newtmas

Words Count: 1k

Warnings: spoilers, sappy writing from me

Summary: based off this post

Everyone knew he wasn’t right in the head. Everyone knew he would never be right in the head again. Not after what he had caused. No matter what the others said, it was his fault. It was all his fault.

So they had all come accustomed to him clasping his own hands together as he walked as though to fool himself into believing that Newt was still there beside him. They came accustomed to him saving seats beside the fire that he would let nobody fill up, even if it meant him standing. They came accustomed to him talking to himself, still trying to fool himself that Newt was there, and still pretending he was.

It was heartbreaking to watch, especially for Minho. One of his greatest friends, completely broken. It wasn’t like he wasn’t devastated, of course he was, but the whole ordeal had completely shattered Thomas. If it wasn’t for all the gladers, Minho wouldn’t have been surprised if Thomas was the next to follow in Newt’s footsteps and start to beg to join him.

Thomas scared everybody and he scared himself. But he was also scared to forget Newt. To forget his voice, his laugh, and eventually his face. To forget the tender affectionate looks he would give Thomas, to forget how his hand would so perfectly encase his own. How soft his pale, freckle splashed skin was.

So he took it in his stride. Ignoring the weird looks he would get when he talked to himself.

One night, he could be found, as usual, wide awake, siting with his back against a tree.

He was alone, as far as any onlookers were concerned but not to him. To him Newt sat against his shoulder, using a hand to cover his own.

Thomas rested his head on his knees, swinging his clasped hands back and forth and watching the stars. He needed sleep, desperately, but none would come.

“Tommy.” The soft voice echoed around the clearing. At first he thought it was inside his head like all the other times Newt spoke to him. Yet the voice came again, a little clearer yet still just as soft.

“Tommy.”

Thomas raised his head and felt his heart begin to thump as he saw a pale, hazy Newt standing in front of him. He seemed to be outlined in pure starlight. His footsteps made no sound as he walked. Thomas was frozen, unsure what to do.

“Newt?”

“I need to talk to you Tommy.”

He kneeled in front of him, his face just as beautiful as it had been in life.

“Tommy…you have to let me go.”

Thomas shook his head, “I can’t, I don’t want to forget you.”

Newt gave him a sad smile, “you won’t, there’ll always be part of me with you.” He curled his had into a fist and placed it over Thomas’ heart. Thomas could almost feel the pressure, though the ghost of the boy was not really part of this world.

“Please Tommy, you can’t live like this, I won’t let you.”

“I can’t, I can’t.” He lowered his head, his gaze swimming. Newt used a pale hand to touch Thomas cheek lightly and almost urge his face upwards though no pressure was used.

“You have to live, okay, for both of us, do all the things we said we’d do, and I’ll be right beside you as it happens.”

Thomas drew in a shaky breath, not cared when his reply sounded childish, “Promise?”

Newt smiled, “I promise.”

He got to his feet again but Thomas reached out a hand.

“Please, stay.”

“For the night?”

“Forever.”

Newt moved back to him, “if I could, I would, but I need to rest now and you need to live, alright.” He leaned in and brushed his ghostly lips against Thomas’.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.” Thomas replied shakily.

Newt smiled before his hand was removed from his cheek and he seemed to melt back into the night.

The place where his lips had brushed Thomas’ own seemed warm though that couldn’t be real. Thomas pushed himself to his feet, surprised as Minho emerged from the undergrowth. By the look on his face he had been followed. And it seemed that his longing mind had created another world for him.

Minho gave Thomas a sad, sorry look before opening his arms wide. Thomas walked into them and the two stood there for a moment, hugging each other, sharing the loss of their friend and thanking each other for still being alive.

Yet what Newt said echoed throughout his mind, ‘You have to live, okay, for both of us’. So he did. He remembered the many daydreams him and the blond had dreamed up in the glade. Of wide green field and blue oceans. Of tall trees and beautiful marshes. Newt had always wanted to write a story, that’s what came to mind first.

He fished out the boys journal from his bag and began flipping through some notes before finding a sweet, edited account of their time in the glade and the scorch. After nagging Jorge to give him an empty book he had found a few days back, he gently pulled out the pages and placed them in the new book. Then he added his own shaky illustrations. The two of them lying in the deadheads admiring the trees, Minho pushing Gally into a river when he had annoyed him, Chuck following Thomas around the glade, laden with all kinds of items.

He worked hard, using things he found in the haven to colour the pictures. When he reached the end he carefully scrawled out a few stories of the safe haven.

‘So in the end, it ended out okay. Newt got a well deserved rest and me and the others are safe and happy.’

This was accompanied by a drawing of all the gladers, arm in arm with a pale version of Newt, Alby, Chuck, Teresa, Winston and all the others whose names were carved into that stone, standing beside their friends.

Then he closed the book and wrote of the front cover.

‘Beyond the glade by Thomas and Newt’

As he wrote the title, he could almost feel the soft fingers stroke his cheek and he smiled. Smiled for the first time in weeks. Smiled because everything had turned out okay after all. Newt would never really be gone. He was with them all. With Chuck and Alby and Teresa and Winston and Zart and Ben and all the others. They were with them all. In their hearts.

[sswirlicuee]

My Hero Academia: The Movie You’re Next & World Heroes’ Mission Review

I went to see MHA : You’re Next and just got out of the cinema. Today is the first day of its release where I live. I’ve been meaning to write a review of the most recent theatrical release (‘Movie’ from here on), World Heroes’ Mission for a while, so I guess I’ll combine them together here.

Before going into the review, I’d like to first outline the structure of a typical movie adaptation of major action Anime franchises (e.g. One Piece, Bleach, Naruto etc.) These adaptations follow similar patterns : there is an Incident, which is caused by Movie!Villains, and which somehow involves Movie!Allies. The main cast, usually the Lead Character, will team up with Movie!Allies to defeat Movie!Villains in order to restore peace. Usually, these adapted universes will not have an impact canon timeline, but can occur as a result of canonical events. It is important to note that the seiyuus behind Movie!Villains and Movie!Allies significantly influenced the plot, namely the nature of the Incident. It is also my personal theory that the production companies created the Movie around whichever seiyuus/celebrities were rising in their career at the moment, since they are the major factor in the success of its release.

For someone who prides myself in being a lover of adaptations, I will say this : all theatrical adaptations are boring because they are predictable. They obsessively follow this same structure without deviation. Any creativity was limited within these frames. I wish the production companies would come up with a new pattern already. The only entertaining factor then, for me, is how the plot evolves within these constraints.

Thus, I’ll analyse these 2 Movies based on the portrayals of the following elements : 1) Movie!Villains & Movie!Allies ; 2) the recurring cast and 3) the Incident.

Should I even put a spoiler alert tag? I mean, we all know how it ends. But well, for etiquette’s sake, here it is : SPOILERS BELOW.

Movie!Villains & Movie!Allies

WHM : 

Ally - Rody (CV : Yoshizawa Ryo. Yes, the actor), 

Villain - I forgot his name (CV : Nakai Kazuya. That’s Zoro and Hijikata-san for you.)

YN : 

Allies - Giulio (CV: Miyano Mamoru) & Anna (CV: Nukumi Meru. Who is this girl, I’ve never heard of her before?) 

Villain - Dark Might - (CV : Miyake Kenta, also the voice of All Might)

YN is a typical love story with a happy ending. I understand why they cast Mamo. When I first saw the announcement, I even went ‘Wow!… but why Mamo?’. Mamo gave his Tokiya-type performance, namely the cold yandere character. It’s not bad, of course. It’s just what you’d expect of Mamo. However, it didn’t really add any value either. Any newcomers could have done an equally good job (for the billing of fewer zeros as well, I’d assume). Maybe they cast Mamo only for promotional purposes? I don't think that's the case though, considering the popularity of the existing cast... The casting for the female Ally, however, was a very interesting choice. Apparently she’s a rising model and talent. I quite enjoyed her performance. She brought something fresh to the performance of household names. I did feel fed up with the damsel in distress plot though, and I wish she’d have more lines. Such a waste of potential. As for Dark Might, I kind of understand if what they were trying to do was make homage to Miyake Kenta. But wait, he wasn’t that senior in the Japanese show biz either… I don’t know, now.

WHM was probably one of my most favourite theatrical adaptations across franchises in recent years, mostly because of the casting of Yoshizawa Ryo. I’m a big Ryo fan, sue me. I think the casting choice was very interesting. One of rare celebrity casting in Movie history. And a very successful one at that, I’d say. Rody has remained one of the well-loved non-canon characters by fans even to this date, judging from fan engagements on Pixiv and other media. Bones really made the right move with this casting, honestly. Which was why I was a bit surprised when they went back to casting a big-name seiyuu like Mamo for WHM’s successor. They could have done better… Or maybe that was why they cast the model girl? Anyways… Rody’s character was very fun, and I think it fit Ryo’s acting. And when Rody’s quirk was revealed, I was like, now that’s awesome! More on this under ‘the Incident’.

Nakai-san’s casting was more likely an honorary role, I think. He didn’t degrade nor improve the villain character. I only recognized his voice upon my rewatch, though. Maybe I hadn't been paying enough attention? But I have to say, this Nakai villain was really hard to defeat. Or maybe because Izuku was up against him alone? When Dark Might was defeated by Izuku, Shoto and Bakugo, I was like, that’s it? Why was he so easy to defeat? Nakai-san took like hours to go down.

The recurring cast

I suppose there is no need to list them out here — we already know them.

So in both YN and WHM, the spotlight was mainly on Izuku, which was typical of Movie adaptations. I have to say that I enjoyed his interaction with Rody more than Giulio though. Maybe because of the road trip, which was very gay? I have to say I really enjoyed the Portuguese setting in WHM more than the Italian setting in YN, as well (also me: currently living in Paris). And I liked how they sequenced the battle cuts for Bakugo and Shoto in WHM. Their fights were very passionate, even if the big three didn’t manage to get to fight alongside one another. In YN, it was just Shoto mostly getting pulled around by Izuku’s Black Whip. Like, Shoto baby, what’s going on!? Get your shit together already! Just kidding. I love you my baby Shoto. Also, I like how Endeavour, being the No.1 hero, had stepped up and took the wheel in WHM. In YN he was mostly delegated to supporting All Might and the mission.

One thing has been bugging me: what happen to Be-san in these Movies!? Bones, what on earth is going on? Why didn’t you let Eraserhead say a line at least!? In WHM, even Present Mic (CV: Yoshino) managed to get 1 line in. Be-san didn’t appear in any of these Movies. Although Be-san is not my main, I’d really like to understand why.

The Incident

WHM : some guy (CV: Nakai Kazuya) decided to terrorize the world with science. Honestly I already forgot the plot.

YN : some Italian mafia guy who was obsessed with All Might decided to become him (‘Dark Might’) and terrorize the world.

To be honest, the Incidents are very insignificant. They’re interchangeable and just something that brings elements #1 and #2 together. The last Incident in recent theatrical adaptations that left an impression on me was One Piece Film Red. I really liked how they confronted Shank’s daughter to the recurring cast. However, the execution was mediocre. So as a theatrical release, OP Film Red was more or less on par with the rest of any Movie adaptations, that is, unmemorable. But I digress here.

In YN, there’s this girl Anna, who had Quirk-enhancement quirk. She was usually together with her butler Giulio, who got recruited because he had Quirk-suppression quirk. (Ah, a match made in heaven…) Somehow she got abducted by this random mafia guy who had Alchemy quirk, and who intended to use her as amplifier for him and his army. The mafia guy used her power and transformed himself into Dark Might. The Good Guys™ managed to rescue her eventually, thanks to the help of our recurring cast. In the end, Anna and Giulio both lost their quirks (I think?), but decided to stick together anyways.

Now, my only gripe about this is: they could have embellished several aspects of this Movie. For example, they could have made it an outright love story. Since it is a love story, after all. Giulio’s prosthetics were another thing they could have worked with more. I really liked the imagery of Giulio, who had lost so much, but who still dragged his semi-handicapped body to go after Anna. And Anna shouldn’t have been reduced to a typical damsel in distress waiting to be rescued either. Give her more agency, man! She really had cute design and promising voice actress. The assets were all there. 

Also, there was the question of the clash of ideologies. Our main three each managed to get a line in on this subject, but the film could have expanded on this further. That said, I found a lot of similarities between Dark Might and Movie!Villain in One Piece Film Gold (what’s his name again? Grand Tresoro?) Wait — I went and looked him up. Couldn’t believe that the voice of Gild Tesoro was Sakurai, what on earth… — their design, motivations, and goals were very similar. They even used gold coins as weapons. Giulio and Anna didn’t have anything to say about this ideological clash either. Did it not concern them, their living in Italy and not Japan? Theirs was a personal struggle, which had nothing really to do with the Incident, except Anna happening to possess the quirk that Dark Might needed.

As for WHM — a shameful waste of potential. Bones had created truly awesome Ally and Villain in Rody and Nakai-san. But the way they told the story kind of ruined it. Rody and Nakai-Villain were polar opposites, a mirror image of each other. The Villain — whose name I couldn’t be bothered to look up. I only remember that he had blue face — was born with a quirk that repelled everything around him. His quirk was also autonomous, meaning he couldn’t turn it off no matter what he tried… As a result, he couldn’t receive hugs and kind touches from his loved ones, among other things, which made him a bit psychotic. As such, he felt isolated from the rest of the world, and ended up wanting to dominate it. As his polar opposite, Rody was born with a quirk that he was understandbly ashamed of and a quite useless one at that… the bird Pino, which would always express his true emotions. Like the Villain’s, his was similarly autonomous. The nature of Rody’s quirk was revealed towards the end of the Movie, in a cut where Izuku reminisced and said something along the line of ‘Isn’t it amazing, your quirk being not being able to lie?’ Along with this revelation, the Villain’s origin story was also shown. Both the Ally and the Villain had quirks which they had no control over. It also raised the following question : would they rather not have quirks at all, than to have the quirks that they were born with? It was Izuku who broke through their walls and made them appreciate what they had, in one way or another. And the most meaningful thing was the fact that Izuku, the one who led them towards the answer, was quirkless to begin with. I called it a shameful waste of potential, because the studio could have confronted Rody against the Villain directly and highlighted these problematics. That said, Rody remained my favourite Moive!Ally of all times. Firstly, because of Ryo. But most importantly: in a world where most people are born with special abilities, capable of amazing things, you alone are not being able to lie and have to live with this fact. Isn't that beautiful?

WHM had so much potentials. It could have turned out better, more memorable, becoming a breakthrough even, if not for its structural contraints. However, Bones did what they could within these limitations, and still managed to deliver something captivating. After seeing YN, I’m quite relieved that it didn’t manage to top WHM (at least for me), but also disappointed, that the studio went back to their preconceived formula again. To conclude, YN was just your average shonen theatrical adaptation, no more, no less.

Also, Burger King France did a MHA collab this autumn. Here's their goodies!

[evilevilevilnotevilevilagain]

Zotating KA in my brain as usual,,, so I wrote something about them... a bit of their Sundering Lore in very vague confusing terms. But I had fun writing it up.

(repost cus I forgot you can just Do That on tumblr n post long shit directly into it. For ur convenience, enjoy.)

------------------

The cut splitting your lips is healing well and you are glad, so glad, because it is the last one.

“Was that really so difficult?”

He’s amazed it took so long, but he never gave up on you. He’s so nice to you now, sticky-sweet, don't-leave-me-with-these-animals kind of clingy- you heard him say it once, to a friend, when he thought you were asleep.

You’re really his now, he lets everyone know. You’re real proud of the fact; real proud even when Gnat beats you bloody again. She’s just jealous, so you don’t get mad. You’re so good at not getting mad anymore. Not good for the baby, so you watch yourself. Just enough not to break something back. Gnat’s taller than you, her kicks sting real bad, but you think if you were mad enough… She better watch herself, you tell her drooling blood and stomach acid onto cobblestone. She makes some kind of joke, but you know women only think of themselves- she’s only hurting you because she cannot have you. People do it all the time. You’re a hot commodity, you've got a whole bright life ahead of you. He says you’re all one big family, but he’s the only family you need. Too many voices just serve to confuse you when they’re all telling you their own truths. You know it's all derivative, interpretations of the one grand source- and he purrs them straight into your ear every night.

Twenty years later Orwell tells you “You know how I knew?”

You don’t remember coming to his room, or the crying, or the whole-body-tremor desperation when you’d told him how scared you were that it might be a girl.

But he’d listened and he’d schemed, and all his great plan ever did was leave you all alone to fend for your own self.

Gnat, when you see her again, outlines the path of your life as follows: parasite, cockroach, rat, breeding stock, herd dog.

She’s sorry at least for all the times she personally was the cause of your suffering. “He only told me to do it the first time, the rest was all me.” We all wanted to be special. Never really about you. Take it as you will, never really a compliment to be his favorite, should’ve seen him for what he was, should’ve saved you. You don’t need saving of course. Never did. You saved yourself. After all these years, you’re still doing it.

You don’t like the sound of Jewel’s name on her tongue, but it doesn’t stop her from saying it. His name is the only thing you like about him. It’s too soon, you’re not ready, you only just now started letting him in-

“The whole family was robbed of him,” she says, “when those aristocrats took you for their broodmother.” She has her own ideas of what your arrangement must have been.Though you recall with disgusting clarity the one sharp moment that Anna-Marie found you painting and rushed to rub your swelling abdomen while cooing “How delightful! He’ll be talented, too, won’t he?”

Every flake of individuality you ever exhibited cataloged away as favorable traits with set probabilities of showing up in the next generation. You felt like a great big pampered cow, but Gnat doesn’t need to know how right she is. She's wrong about so much of the rest of it. End of the day, you chose this. You signed the papers. You closed your eyes when you heard the first scream and didn’t open them again until they were all out of the room.

Then she lets you know he was in on it. But then he had that deal with you on the side. Orwell wanted you looked after, but they were all too far away -too dangerous to come back in so soon. And you were so fragile after It happened. But the Commander took you, and then he took your son. You still remember the dazed shock of being dumped at a spacious, yet entirely empty room at the back of the Watchguard barracks, body raw, lying on a cot all alone in the dark, discarded the moment they got what they wanted.

You had the rank, but nobody in the Watch even knew you. You had to fight to earn their respect, make them listen to you, even when you could barely stand. It brought the anger back. Not just pregnancy hysterics, this was you all along. You didn’t keep it in check anymore. Not restraining yourself spelled the difference between life and death.

“He was supposed to look after you.” He never answered Orwell again and he’d thrown you right into the thick of it, the one place your brother could not reach you.

After everything it's that realization that hurts the most. You had always respected the Commander for having done so much for you. It’s the same pattern, only each time it gets uglier, less coherent. Another boot you’ve prostrated yourself under with a smile. The thought makes you sick.

When he had come back, he hadn’t been thinking of what's best for you, killing Nadine was only getting rid of the competition. Nobody wanted that, to be fair. You cannot visualize yourself anywhere else but here, though at one time you had believed her. But it’s another command put in your head- the desire to leave was never really yours. You’ve never wanted to leave anything, anyone.

Gnat says they’re ready to welcome you back, but you still have to convince Orwell. Something about you the last time he saw you had made him cautious- maybe it had opened up the old wounds- and now he needs you to prove yourself before you can be let back into the fold.

“Consider it a very late abortion,” Gnat’s horse-toothed grin leers back at you,” it has to be worth the sacrifice.”

After all, it took nearly all of Him to put you back together. The least you could do is pay back the difference.

“Let him know he has a family that wants to meet him. Tell him he can be a part of it.” Who knows, maybe there’ll be enough left over to even give you something special, too.

You’re left there at the old bone well considering your options, though there aren’t many. One loathsome thought drifts above them: You want Jewel to live. This complicates things.

[silenthillmutual]

i keep looking at my own fic ideas from like a couple years ago that i have outlines for and going "wow, i really don't want to write these!" so here's a comprehensive list of fanfics i still have on my desktop which i have started but made litle progress on:

masterpiece theatre - an akira/mob psycho 100 crossover. the premise of this one was that tetsuo managed to create an alternate universe at the end of the film/manga, which was the mp100 universe. he's just kind of there trying to live a normal life while navigating the trauma from his past life. naturally this does not work out well and he winds up both meeting people from the akira 'verse and people from the mp100 'verse. i think i had in mind that it would end roughly around the first season of mp100. anyway this was roughly inspired by my musings about mp100 reminding me of a sort of inverse of akira's storyline that i can no longer articulate because it has been years since i read mp100 all the way through.

cause - this was just going to be a complete rewrite of rebel without a cause where i fixed what i saw as a pacing issue with the film and also gave more context to the characters' lives because i have a love/hate relationship with the original

it's not my party, but i'll still cry if i want to - a really short fic that was taking characters from rebel without a cause and plopping them into a modern 'verse just for the sake of having jim infodump about the 50s while sulking because he thinks judy & plato are doing something together and generally having rsd

where worlds collide and days are dark - all i got is that it's for mgs and i still have a hold of this document despite it just being snippets of fic i wrote like years ago.

statement of daniil dankovsky // statement of artemy burakh - magnus archives crossovers for pathologic, the first one being daniil's statement about the world being alive (based on pathologic classic) and the second one being artemy's statement about seeing daniil die, only to be "replaced" by another actor the following day while everyone else acts like nothing ever happened.

when you finally get involved, face to face - danganronpa ishimondo fic that was a project to see if i could focus long enough to write 100k. instead of getting together as teenagers, the fic would take place over the span of 10 years, where they'd get together as adults. i was really excited about this one when i started it, but people started being transmisogynist in the comments so i stopped working on it and got into pathologic instead.

a document titled 'cool ishimaru has a chill day with boyfriend' which i think was about ishimaru discovering he's trans, that was meant to be a non-despair au and with everyone being generally supportive of him.

flaws - danganronpa fic where taka talks to makoto about feeling possessive and how horrible it feels but i never actually finished or published it. it's pretty much done now... i could go back and edit it down to where i'm satisfied with it but i don't know :/

i wanna ruin our friendship (we should be lovers instead) - some kind of au where either it's non-despair or everyone lives... it was going to have hina and taka bonding over having crushes on their best friends who are oblivious. it was gonna be from hina's pov bc i love her

in the middle - okay this one i swear i will write one day... whenever i replay trigger happy havoc... it was going to be a polyamory fic where mondo is dating chihiro, who used to date taka and desperately wants mondo and taka to be friends. they'd be in college here. chihiro is transfem and taka is transmasc and mondo realizes he's nonbinary i think was a plot point. anyway,

an untitled danganronpa fic wherein hope's peak decides the classes need mentors and taka picks juzo, w ho came out of the closet for the express purposes of getting out of having to mentor anybody. but taka thinks it was very brave of him and wants advice on coming out despite being a public figure.

letters - this was just going to be eight, thirty-one from taka's pov

jojo's despaire adventure - jojo characters put in a danganronpa situation. pretty sure polnareff was going to be the protag of this one. it was going to be a simulation dio was running to try and rewrite the universe, hence why so many characters from so many parts were there and also had no memory of each other. i think kakyoin was going to be the first casualty.

all of my started but unfinished assorted jjba works you can still find on ao3: next chapter of cherry wine was going to have a karaoke section because fox gave me the funniest image of hol horse singing a shitty maroon 5 song. i have no idea where i was headed with heads on a science apart. not sure what the next chapter of heart of glass was going to be and i don't feel like pulling up the outline but i can tell you how it ended if anyone is curious about that. she told me to come but i was already there - there was going to be a battle of the bands kind of thing wherein we were going to get hol horse singing 'ride a horse, save a cowboy'. that was the highlight of the chapter and i don't remember what else i had planned for it. starfish crusaders was going to have a mechanic where some of the joestars were part merpeople and could transform at will. warmth, though, i have no idea where i was going with that.

alexithymia - a patho fic exploring the turmoil of not knowing, understanding, or articulating your own feelings. with daniil, of course.

something just titled 'angst outline' that is for a long form pathologic angst fic i was never going to write because i was convinced nobody was going to read it. it was going to be burda but with even more problems and issues and angst for the sake of angst.

a fic about artemy's insomnia

some unspcified fics about daniil being autistic

bio murky - okay this is really obvious but the reason to read the fic was that it was transmasc artemy. essentially artemy and daniil met and hooked up and maybe started falling in love in the capital and then artemy left for home unexpectedly... because he was pregnant. i think this was going to be an everyone lives kind of au or potentially even a no-sand pest au.

a blurb about andrey and his bipolar disorder

e pluribus unem - if i ever actually write this one i'll have to find a title that won't invoke such a knee-jerk reaction but anyway this was a fic about daniil going about wooing artemy by making amends/friends with those of artemy's bound. it was going to be told in little shorts of daniil meeting with the kids. originally i wrote this from daniil's pov but i think if i write this one i'll do it from the kids' povs.

a blurb about daniil having a breakdown after the end of classic

let's climb the cliff edge and jump again - this was gonna be a fic about daniil and andrey's tentative friendship in university where andrey is a horrible influence, a horrible friend, and a horrible brother. it was loosely inspired by my toxic girl friendships i had in college [a/n: i was a girl in college] and the first time i got high. i wanted it to be My Dandrey Fic but without happy dandrey at the end... hints of griefdrey instead... and again thinking about andrey's bipolar disorder because i'm always thinking about it!

a mark/rubin fic that was gonna be nsfw.

mystical inclinations - a soulmate au with tattoos i think? polyamory and platonic soul mates were going to be a thing in this au but i kind of don't remember what i was doing with it.

another pregame burda au

a fic i started where rubin is mortified to be caught in between artemy and daniil's...whatever

a fic about artemy & daniil's first kiss

talk too much - daniil, who is usually a smoother talker, has a habit of sticking his foot in his mouth whenever artemy is around

another fic entry in my modern au thing, where artemy's kids meet daniil for the first time

vince malum bono - clara talking to each of her bound on the last few days of the plague, patho-2 version

when my time comes around, lay me gently in the cold, dark earth - this was going to be mashing up daniil and artemy's routes (and at the end, clara's as well). with burda. of course.

when the day met the night - burda fic where daniil is about to get taken out by the government because he's a criminal against common sense and good morals, and artemy panics and tells the emmisaries who show up that they can't take daniil because they are to be married, and they can't take the menkhu's husband. and of course the emmissaries aren't stupid so they say they'll be back for the wedding. very romcom.

[alexandriaisburning]

031: Valkyrie Elysium

This entry contains spoilers for the story of Valkyrie Elysium. 

CANON FIRE is made possible by the generous contributions of readers like you. Support more writing like this on Patreon. Thank you!

Constructed of sketches and outlines, Valkyrie Elysium gestures towards idea after idea it can never follow through on. Like its post-Ragnarok world, it’s full of ghosts with unfinished business. You see its ambitions in its combat system, layered with systems and nuances that speak to developer Soleil’s pedigree as Team Ninja expatriates. You see it in the surprisingly detailed backstories, which illustrate a society of gender and class violence. It's a game that leaves a lot of implications, because it doesn’t have time to tell the whole story. 

And yet, or maybe because of this, I find myself thinking about Valkyrie Elysium long after the story’s concluded. I think about the Einherjar, the troubled souls I brought upon as my allies in my quest to restore the world. I think about the feminine merchant boy, lifted out servitude by the affection and patronage of a prince he failed to save. I think about the butch knight, equal to skill to all in her class, but wishing she was born a man, limited in position by the body she’s trapped in. I think about the witch of the forest, who gave up her desires to continue the good work, becoming a martyr and accepting false accusations, believing in a destiny she thought others wanted for her. 

And I think about their unwavering faith in the Valkyrie, and their belief that we would lead them on a noble cause that would help right some of the wrongs left unresolved in their previous lives. And I think about how I failed them. 

After several admonishments by Hilde, a valkyrie turncoat, and conspicuously the only Black character in the cast, our Valkyrie finally learns the truth during a crisis of faith. Odin the god she put her faith into, never intended to save this world, but to erase it and start anew. 

I knew. I had long figured Odin had been dishonest, and was waiting the whole time for this turn. But for our unknown Valkyrie, upon finding this out, she has no choice but to fall in line with the god she’d put her faith in. 

I knew. I knew that there were several steps I’d left incomplete, that if I’d spent a little more time searching, digging up histories, I’d be offered a different choice. But in my exhaustion, in my hours of grinding away at the final area, I only wanted it to end. 

I’d seen layers of new mechanics continue to stack, slowly meted out by the flimsy construction of its RPG mechanics and endless tiered currencies, filled with promise only seen in a few brilliant flashes. I’d retread the same ground, the same level layouts, again and again, collecting everyone’s unfulfilled desires, and searching for redemption for the Einherjar who’d supported me. But as it dragged on I thought less about the good times I had grappling across battlefields, raining chaos upon monsters with my group of queers and outcasts, and more about when the end would arrive. 

I wanted the work to be done.

And so it was. With so much left incomplete, my Valkyrie was left with an incomplete picture of events, shown the ultimate truth of Odin’s design, but without knowledge of herself, unable to self actualize and make a choice for herself. She was left to move onto the new world alone, the Einherjar that had supported us left behind to be erased from this world, becoming only legends for the new one. My work was done, but I’d left everyone else behind to finish it. 

I stared dumbfounded at the conclusion. Unsatisfied, despite finally achieving an end I thought I wanted. The credits ran, then I was returned back to a point right before the end. Another chance. I could try once again, collect all the missing pieces, and write a conclusion to the stories left unfinished. I could do right by them. 

But I had made my choice. Like the Valkyrie, I had rushed blindly to finish the work, and left behind more ghosts. How could I resurrect them yet again, just to satisfy my pride?

It was time for them to rest. Time for me to leave them at peace, to let my goodbyes linger. It almost felt fitting, for a story about who we leave behind, to end with regret. 

[spinningbuster98]

Mega Man X4 (Zero) Ending

(Insert funny ha-ha meme joke here)

Ok strap in ‘cause this is a long one.

Gameplay wise the only things of note are the General, who I am convinced was not fully designed for Zero since hitting him with a sword is pretty damn awkward, and Sigma who can either be easier or harder than he is with X: easier because Zero cand dish out more damage but also harder because Zero doesn’t have X’s armor uphgrade so he takes more damage, Sigma’s rock launching attack especially is the bane of my existance since it’s random and you basically have to pray he doesn’t spam it too often.

No it’s the story that’s going on that we gotta talk about

Of course there’s the whole deal with Colonel and Iris which is just amateurishly told: we don’t know who these people are, the game never spent any time trying to establish their relationship with Zero, and yet we’re supposed to care about their deaths, Iris especially who really has no personality and is the perfect poster girl for a female character specifically designed to die so that the hero can feel sad.

Also if you’re wondering what that orb that Iris uses is: it’s Colonel’s core. Colonel and Iris have a whole backstory that the game never even alludes to but rather just spares for secondary materials such as artbooks and dev interviews, which is impossibly frustrating from a storytelling perspective and a franchise-wide issue unfortunately (even Classic is guilty of this as I’ll get into later)

However the part I wanted to focus the most on was the flashback where we see Zero fighting Sigma

On its own merits the scene does what it sets out to do pretty well: it follows up on the idea that Zero was made by Wily which was previously teased by X2 and this game’s first Zero cutscene by showing us how unhinged he was in the past but without outright telling us he’s a Wily robot and while still making us wonder what happened to him to make him good eventually. The early X games mostly tried building up to some grand finale and really pushed for Zero’s mystery and his inevitable confrontation with X, so this scene is actually really good in pushing said mystery forward and also keeping fans off the edges of their seats for whenever said mystery gets properly adressed.

And therein lies the issue: it never was properly adressed.

Sure, X5 tries to follow up on all of this by giving us some....vague answers, which is fine, not everything should always be blatantly spelled out for the audience, I don’t need Wily to come flying into the scene with his UFO telling us that he was Zero’s creator all along since it’s made pretty clear already with all the imagery and allusions.

The issue is that no game has ever truly explained all of the questions that are brought up by this scene, which in another work of art would be ok to me, but the x series’ writing has never garnered any kind of....trust in me to believe that the series just didn’t know what it was fully doing with this, because some details about this scene have been revealed in the past.

In additional materials.

Of questionable canonicity.

Which gave us information that was sometimes contradictory with other things.

Ok let’s do this generally ok?

Question #1 Why is Zero acting like a crazed lunatic?

A few years ago a developer document was discovered, dating since before X1′s release, featuring a rough outline of the X series’ storyline, indicating that the devs at the time had at least a general idea of what they wanted to do.

The document mentions that Zero was created by Wily to be the most evil robot ever, but was accidentally turned good by the Maverick Virus (more on that later), which would normally turn good robots evil.

The Megaman Zero Official Complete Works also mentions this idea in one of its pages:

however said page specifically mentions that this information was only considered during the series’ conceptual period and as such may not be canon. I think we can safely assume that it isn’t, given that this page also claims that the Maverick virus originated from....X? Yeah no that’s explicitly contradicted by the games

Even the X1 document may not be 100% canon, seeing as plans can change over the years and it doesn’t mentions the Virus secondary function as a way to explicitly reprogram Zero into being Wily’s ideal robot as mentioned in X5.

In general I think the idea of Wily purposefully making Zero so violent he’s uncontrollable to be just plain dumb, especially since X5 shows us in its bad ending just what Wily wanted Zero to be like and it sure wasn’t the irrational lunatic we see in the X4 flashback

In 2010 a timeline of events was posted on the japanese official site for the Megaman Zero Collection. This timeline introduced the idea that Zero had a flaw in his programming which made him ultra violent, forcing Wily to seal him in his capsule, which was also chock full of Maverick Virus, the same virus that, as seen in X5, has the potential to rewrite Zero into being loyal to Wily.

Now this makes much more sense. I’m....not too keen on the implication that Zero wasn’t infected by the virus despite being exposed to it for 100+ years but only being infected once his armor was damaged since 1) damage received has never been shown to affect wether or not a robot is infected by the Virus, even in X5 Zero isn’t all that damaged when he gets fully infected in the bad ending, and 2) you’d think Wily would consider this tiny detail before stuffing his creation in a capsule with a Virus of his own creation. My own personal take is that Zero was already infected in the sense that the Virus was in his body but was simply not affecting him outside of the occasional headache (which is supported by canon, since X5 explicitly states that huge and very potent amounts of the virus are required to fully “fix” Zero, what kinda bug did Wily accidentally put into Zero’s brain Jesus Fuck), but by damaging his head (as in the flashback) this allowed the Virus to affect his damaged components thus only having a partial effect: curing him of his insanity but without restoring his memories of his creator nor his mission, thus resulting in the Zero we know and love.

The main issue with this timeline is that it was taken off of Capcom’s site years ago and thus this information is no longer officially available. Of course this doesn’t deny the fact that capcom once used it and claimed it as canon, but as of now this means that there is no longer any fully official explanation as to why Zero behaved like he does in that X4 flashback

Question #2 Why does Zero become a good guy?

All sources consistently point to the Maverick Virus affecting him, however the specifics vary: the idea that the Virus was meant to fix him was however essentially confirmed in X5.

Question #3 How does this relate to Sigma going Maverick?

This is something the games themselves have utterly failed to convey aside from a throwaway line in X8.

All secondary materials mention Sigma being infected by the Maverick Virus, however the specifics on how the infection occurred vary between official sources and widespread fan interpretations mostly born from the extremely vague way of the series at handling all of this stuff.

The official stance, as far as I’m aware, is that Sigma was infected by the virus as it was leaking from Zero’s capsule and was thus airborne inside the lab.

Many fans however spread this idea, which I don’t know where it originated, that the Virus passed from Zero to Sigma, changing hosts.

Ok so...

1) Why would the Virus do this? How could it sense that Sigma would be a better host since Zero was beating the shit out of him?

2) We never see the Virus simply change hosts under any circumstance. It’s a virus, it multiplies and spreads infecting multiple people, it’s not a single parasite jumping from host to host.

3) The idea that by leaving him for Sigma, Zero turned good implies that Zero was created as a good heroic robot and was thus given the Virus to be evil, which is stupid as it implies that Wily purposefully made a good robot for his world domination plans and then later developed an evil virus to fix his blatant oopsie. C’mon.

I know that this last bit was fan stuff but I wanted to adress it anyway

So basically the mystery setup by this scene has never been properly adressed by the games and information about it was only dripfed to us through secondary materials of questionable canonicity which sometimes even clash with each other

I love Zero for his character but his backstory is a giant mess, or at least has been told as one, this is one of the biggest writing screw ups in the franchise outside of X6′s existence.

This is a big reason why I want an X9: the chance that they might finally fix this mess

Y’know the whole Wily and Light backstory that MM11 showed us and which really added lots of layers to Wily’s character? The general gist of that backstory had been a thing in the series for DECADES, but had only been reserved for secondary, obscure materials. Would you have ever guessed, by playing all the other games, that Wily had a personal vendetta and inferiority complex towards Light? He never spoke to him on screen before MM11 sans a brief concersation to him and Megaman in MM10!

If MM11 could finally show us the backstory to the series’ main villain after 30 years, giving him some really interesting layers and finally making things between him and Light crystal clear to fans, then I don’t see why this couldn’t be done for Zero’s backstory and that of the Maverick Virus. This is important stuff, it’s the basis for the entire conflict of the X series!

Rant over. X4 (and the X series in general) is my go-to example for Story-Shit-but-Game-Good

[antiadvil]

what's childhood trauma au?

WIPs

So I think I’ve talked about the background of the idea here but not much about what the fic actually is. I’m trying to be mysterious because all I have is an outline and like 400 words and I don’t want to disappoint people by never finishing/publishing it. But I'll talk a bit about the premise and maybe share something from the outline.

the backstory is that my best friend did not remember having any friends growing up until her parents revealed that one of their neighbor kids came over a lot, and her parents found it annoying so they starting telling the other parents that my friend was grounded and couldn't play. Because it was more convenient for them if she was playing quietly alone in her room, I guess. Which, I don’t think I need to say, is incredibly fucked up. After her parents told this story, she remembered some bits and pieces of this, but before her parents brought it up again the entire memory was sort of repressed.

And here is where I’m going to clarify that I’m writing all this with my friend’s full permission bc it sounds kinda fucked up to jump from that to “anyway so now I’m writing a fic about that” 😭 we both have similar attitudes towards most of our trauma which is: humor and fic are really good coping mechanisms actually. So I thought she might enjoy a fic based on this premise (I was already planning to write something incredibly specifically tailored to her tastes for her birthday and it’s hard to get more tailored than this) but because it is a pretty intensive project to just drop on someone I asked if she thought it would be a good idea and she said “yeah you have to write that the author’s note would be so funny.” So here I am though admittedly I think this is too big of a project to actually complete by September and I may need a different idea for this year’s birthday, unless I start posting before I finish which I’m meh on since the outline could still change (but I’ll see how things go once I finish my hospital fic and start focusing more on this).

So, yeah, it’s a fic where Dan and Phil are childhood friends, Dan’s parents drive Phil away, Dan represses the memory, so he doesn’t actually remember Phil as anyone other than that neighbor kid, while Phil remembers being friends and then Dan just suddenly not being there, and Phil assumes it was Dan voluntarily pulling away. The story follows them reuniting in high school.

As you can probably imagine, this wasn’t a one off thing. Dan’s parents just suck. There are a lot of weird fucked up things my parents did to me as a child that I didn’t realize were weird and fucked up until I talked to other people about it. There were many other things I did know were weird and fucked up. Living in that household caused me severe mental health issues, and I still have minor siblings who live with my parents. So, yeah, mainly this fic is about that. I literally made a list of fucked up stories from my childhood and gave them to fictional Dan. Not all of the things that happened in this fic actually happened to me (and a lot of the ones that did are exaggerated in some way) but many did.

I don't have much writing done yet (400 words is an overstatement actually) but I do have it fully outlined, here are some fun notes from my outline document (mostly actually funny even though the piece is actually very angsty because out of context none of the angst makes sense/is angsty/i wrote it in a way that sounds funny even though it is not):

phil has a friend group. they will need names.

lots of chances for gay trauma in gym class. as a treat for my hyperfixation brain i’m going to let them take a weightlifting class. phil seems like the kind of student to leave his PE credit for his senior year and need it to graduate

and finally this incredible dialogue exchange in my notes:

phil: so like do you wanna do that again

dan: RIGHT NOW?

phil: no wtf i’m trying to have a conversation about our relationship smh

(The conversation is extremely minimal)

[icaruskey]

Oh sweetheart. There's a lot that we could get into but your timing is terrible as I'm heading to work now and can't properly dismantle this for the sake of my followers and readers of the chain. Cause we already know I'm not gonna change your mind.

I could discuss how the language JKR uses in discussing potentially intersex women, specifically Khelif and Yu-ting, is interchangeable to the point of identical of discussing perisex trans women and how her current stance on gender identity is rooted in transphobic rhetoric but that's a little beyond my capacity to coherently write on a 20 minute bus ride.

We could also discuss how demanding people to disclose sexual identity test results to the public can actually set a dangerous precedent in sports and single sex spaces where young women and girls will be asked to prove their womanhood in increasingly invasive ways. I could also bring up with this fact there's already several easily googleable incidents of cis women being attacked in bathrooms because other cis women decided they didn't look like women.

We could also discuss the fact that intersex people can be born, raised, and even procreate as whatever sex they are assigned at birth. That sex chromosomes can influence how peri and intersex folks look and present, but hormone levels are just as important. We could discuss Micheal Phelps biological mutations that gave him an advantage as a swimmer, or how the insistence of sports separated by gender was reinforced when women began beating men in the Olympics.

Speaking of, we could talk about how these women were banned from one event with genetic testing whose methodology was never released. That both women have participated in large scale boxing events before and been just fine and even lost against women. That these tests were run by a Russian organization, who of course are notoriously transparent and not at all untrustworthy when they refuse to discuss things with the Olympic board. Or how our lovely Taiwanese supporters on Twitter emphasized over and over that Yu-ting is in fact an XX woman.

Or we can pivot with you and talk about how Twitter and JKR in particular have created an actively hostile environment to Khelif, whose country is staunchly anti-queer and being called trans/not a cis woman could lead to Khelif being killed. How while Taiwan is more queer friendly, they have been historically more conservative on the international side of things. We could discuss how Olympic athletes and medalists in places like the US are not treated well and do some digging to see how Algeria fares in that regard.

We could talk about how a public figure suing other public and far more powerful figures doesn't actually create the precedent you think it does, even if Khelif wins the suit. Especially when these figures own the platform the harassment was taking place on and the other has influenced politics on at least two continents.

We could. But I'm at work now and I can't sit down and write this essay out more than this outline. But bless your heart. Thanks for the time wasted and future video idea.