#i fuxking hope will doesn’t remember anything

[gmaybe666]

bro? will possessed and screaming in S2E:6 ‘the spy’ ??? ? traumatised for life?

[strandnreyes]

I’ve never sent in a prompt to anyone before, I’m nervous and excited because I fuxking love your writing!! So here goes Crab Blossom and Myrtle, pretty please? 🥹

Crab Blossom - Stop. You need to rest.

Carlos lost track of time somewhere between leaving the reception and the second time he pressed TK into the mattress and heard his name cry out from his husband’s lips.

It has to be closer to morning at this point and Carlos should be exhausted, but he doesn’t want this day to be over just yet. He and TK haven’t said anything to each other in a little bit, content to simply exist in each other’s space as they trade lazy kisses and constantly wind and unwind their fingers together.

Every time Carlos’ fingers brush against TK’s ring, he finds himself smiling against TK’s lips.

When TK’s kisses become a little more purposeful and he slides on top of Carlos, Carlos drops his head back to the pillow.

“We should stop and get some rest,” Carlos whispers.

“Why?” TK asks, toying with Carlos’ necklace. “Our flight doesn’t leave until the afternoon.”

Carlos raises a brow. “And you have nothing packed yet.”

TK purses his lips and Carlos is powerless to do anything but lean up to kiss him again. Carlos can feel TK smiling like he knows he has Carlos in the palm of his hand and Carlos can’t even act like that’s not true.

“Do I really have much to pack?” TK questions with a gleam in his eye that means trouble. “I can’t imagine I’m going to need a whole lot of clothes…” he trails off, running his hand slowly down Carlos’ side.

The metal of his ring sends a shiver down Carlos’ spine and he’s mentally calculating what time they actually need to get up tomorrow. They can probably get away with staying awake just a bit longer.

Carlos winds his arms tighter around TK’s waist, creating space between his legs for TK to settle. “The hotel lobby generally has a ‘no nudity’ policy,” Carlos tells him.

TK hums. “Tragic,” he whispers, ducking down to kiss Carlos deeply again.

Carlos finds himself getting lost in it, and then TK’s ring presses into Carlos’ cheek like a beacon for all of his attention and he wonders when these symbols of their love proudly displayed on their hands are going to feel natural, when he’ll feel like he can’t remember a time when they didn’t wear them. Carlos hopes the thrill of it never fades, though.

“Hey,” Carlos murmurs, nudging TK back just enough to look him in the eye. “I love you.”

TK’s responding smile feels like it was made just for Carlos. “I love you too, husband.”

Husband, Carlos thinks. Once a pipe dream; now his to have and to hold.

[diagonal-queen]

HII

GURL I JUST WOKE UP AND I SAW UR RESPONSE

Now YOU HAVE ME KICKING MY FEET AND FEELING WARM AND FUZZY COS WHATTT

You???liked???my?????blog??????

Huh?????

I AM CONFUSIONNN

Also

THE WAY IM SMILING LIKE A FOOL BECAUSE IM ACTUALLY FREAKIN IN LOVEE WITH YOURS IS LIKE😭

And yes

FUCK IS SO FUxKING VERSATILE!! It just adds so much flavour to anything anyone says~

And yes i shalt drink water when I inevitably free myself from the prison of my bed but i also hope you do too!

And please always remember,

-jaya

YEAH I DID I WAS JUST A SILLY LITTLE GOOSE AND FORGOT TO MAKE THAT FACT KNOWN 😭😭😭 WDYM YOU’RE CONFUSION YOUR BLOG FUCKIN SLAPS

I've just had a coffee and a milo so. That kinda counts as water right? Bean water? (And choccy milk because who doesn’t love choccy milk) aksjksjskdhd I’ll have some actual water soon

Also that raccoon thing is so cute because first of all I love puns and second I love raccoons and third that sentiment is very sweet 🌸🥺🥺 I appreciate you!!

is for you ❤️

[ciezi]

So uh I just got yelled at??

read the trigger warnings in the tags

The bodies mother won’t ever beat the ableist and shitty person allegations after she called my dad with cancer and had to get chemo which fuxked with his brain “good for nothing” and “r*tarded”. Why are you married to a guy you don’t even love and “does nothing for you”??

She also called me a bunch of shit like “entitled” “ungrateful” “you only think about yourself” and other shit all because I wanted pants a size too big for me?? I didn’t even beg for it or yell at her because she said no, I just accepted it and she’s calling me names as if I did?? And then got mad when I said “I don’t know” to going in certain stores and about leaving the mall like?? “Of course you don’t know. You never know anything” “Of course you don’t care. You never care about anything” excuse me?? Why does it matter so much that I don’t know what stores I want to go to??

She also tried bombarding me with shit like “you have no friends. You never try and keep friends. You don’t try and make friends” HUH?? I have fucking friends?? I have people I talk to in real life?? I literally WENT UP to someone to become their friend. She ALWAYS try’s to use this argument against me like what?? She saw me HANGOUT with one of those friends this summer and she has the audacity to tell me “where are they?” “why aren’t you hangout with them then?”

But let’s say I don’t have any friends, why the fuck are you SHAMING me for that?? What is wrong with you.

She also tried shaming me for not wanting to take this medication (like this ones prescribed bya psychiatrist) a long time ago because I didn’t feel comfortable with the psychiatrist nor taking it, for feeling like I was getting worse by going to therapy and didn’t feel like I was being helped at all, and she claimed I went to a psychologist but I don’t remember ever going to one so idk what that’s about??

She drove away in her car after dropping me off and I hope she doesn’t come back. My life would be so much better with these people gone. She’s the reason Im fucked up in the first place. She’s the reason why my brain is disordered in so many ways and how I can no longer live a normal life and need constant ACTUAL help like the correct type of therapy. She has a “r*tarded” son and a “r*tarded” husband that she doesn’t give a shit about. I’m going to unalive myself, I swear I’m going to end it. She wanted to disappear. Let’s she how she feels when someone is actually gone.

“I have it hard!” Ok?? So do i. Just because you have it hard doesn’t invalidate MY experiences and what I go through.

[mrvlbimbo]

Could we get some angst like where either bimbo!reader and Eddie get into an argument and/or go on a break but they can’t stand being away from each other and do the whole confession and kiss in the rain cliche?

I FUXKING love this

I totally imagine them being like that meme where the couple is arguing but one is still sitting on the other’s lap.

It’s their anniversary but he has hellfire that night so he says she can come with him and they can go on a date after.

So she goes and she assumes her seat on his lap and she’s just happy to be there with him. She’s a little worried about it but she’s not mad.

But then time goes on and he’s kinda rude and he ignores her the whole time. So she starts to get grumpy, huffing and crossing her arms so he’ll console her.

He doesn’t seem to notice, making her even more upset. She’s glaring into the side of his head, desperately hoping he notices (she likes attention)

Finally he realized as he puts his arm around her shoulder, whispering something incoherent against her forehead. He seems annoyed.

She grumbles, pulling away from him and shaking her head. “Babe. Stop, you’re being stupid,” he hisses, instantly turning his attention back to the group.

Her heart drops at that word “stupid” so many other people had called her that but never him. She’s holding back tears for the rest of the session as he seemingly ignores her.

He feels terrible, heart breaking at the sad look on her face. Despite that, he couldn’t bring himself to look pussy-whipped infront of the club. So what? He’d apologize later and she’d forgive him easily. He’d seen her brush off far worse insults from far less important people.

But he didn’t account for the fact he was the most important person to her. And his words would do more than sting a little.

She was ready to go straight home and cry all night but she still had to go on a date later. She didn’t say another word to him, even as they loaded into his van. She stayed pressed against the cold window, keeping as far away from him as possible. “Take me home, please,” she whimpered, her voice tired and broken.

“Calm down. We’re going to dinner, remember?” He sighed, reaching over to pat her thigh.

She smacked his hand, turning her head just to glare at him for a second. “No. I wanna go home.”

“I’m not mad about tonight. Let’s just enjoy our date.” She almost laughed at that. Mad? What right did he have to be mad?

“Let me out of the car.” He rolls his eyes, effectively ignoring her demands. “NOW. EDDIE.”

He reluctantly pulled over, letting her out of the car so she could pace around angrily. Her heels clicked on the abandoned road and she stumbled slightly, falling into his arms.

He stepped away and let her go as soon as he was sure she wasn’t going to fall over.

Then the rain started to pour, drenching them both and running her hair and makeup. And she had just been thinking things couldn’t get any worse.

One bad thing after another all day she finally broke, angry tears streaming down her face and clouding her vision.

“Fuck. Baby, c’mere.” He pulled her back into his arms, crushing her against his chest in a way he knew she loved. Usually.

“Stop. Stop it,” she whined, pushing against his chest.

“I know. I know. Fuck I messed up so bad. I love you, I love you so much.” Giving her little kisses on the forehead as she glared up at him, her lips twitching up just the slightest.

“No you don’t.” She pouted, shaking her head sadly. That hit him. How could she ever feel even for a second like he didn’t love her? He loved her with everything he had, he felt terrible for not showing her that.

“Baby. Of course I love you. I love you more than anything.”

“Y-you wouldn’t even look at me.”

“Babe. Listen to me.” He cradled her wet cheeks in his hands, their faces so close together that their noses and lips were brushing. “I will never ever ever ever ignore you like that again. It was killing me to sit there without giving you some lovin. But I just didn’t want to- I don’t like the way people talk about our relationship. I didn’t want to put you infront of the club like that and have them say something rude.”

“I’m sorry...” now it was her turn to apologize, forgetting to be mad when she heard his fast rapid breaths. He was trying his best to hold it together and that hurt her more than anything he could have said.

“Hey-hey. None of that. This is all my fault. Lookit this, I made my girl cry and everything. What a shitty boyfriend I am.”

“Don’t say that,” she grumbled, finally relaxing into his arms.

“Look. I know I don’t deserve you. You’re so good, so perfect, so pretty, so kind, so lovely and just for me. I love you so much. I don’t deserve any of it. But I can’t live without you. You’re it for me, baby. You’re the love of my life.”

“Kiss me,” she murmured, tears washed away by the rain and a weak smile on her face.

“Yes ma’am”

And so they did the cliche couple thing of kissing in the rain, desperately grabbing at eachother and trying to chase away the idea of ever being apart.

Eddie x bimbo!reader masterlist

[liv324]

Waking up in my Dream Life

I woke up with a dreadful calling of mom saying “GIRLSS TIME TO WAKE UP ITS 9″ Oh how i hated those words, i was so tired. All I wanted to do is go back to my amazing dream! My dream life to be exact ! So I fell right back to sleep not caring about my "real life"... next you know I'm woken up again but with a satisfying smell.. it smelt like pancakes and bacon !! I wondered to myself did my mom make some good breakfast for once or is it all in my head.. suddenly I hear my annoying alarm go off , I snoozed it. I noticed i had a different phone. I was confused because the rest of my room was the same. I had my cheer accomplishments on one wall and my collection of my ceramics crafts on my dresser. So when I got up I put on my pink Nike slides and headed toward my door cuz boy was I hungry! Tht smell really got me up. When I opened the door I gasped! "Wtf where am I?" I questioned to myself. I looked around the hallway which was sooo different like I mean DIFFERENT. The mirror on the wall was gone. Lulus crate was not existent. And The bathroom was 2 doors down from my room instead of across my room. I lowkey got scared so I quickly went back to room with my eyes closed to hopefully go back to where I from. But when I opened my eyes my room was totally different! It was my dream room ! It was beautiful!

I spinned around my room so happily and on my door there was a mirror it showed me and screamed in happiness when I looked at myself.. I was beautiful and perfect in my eyes. I was still wearing the same thing from when I got up but my body was totally different.. I was literally slim thick my stomach was flat my boobs were perky and my ass was toned. My hair was straight and a nice brown color instead of streaky blonde highlights. I was so happy. I opened my closet to see what I had and I hate such cute clothes! I grabbed a cute floral dress and some cute sandals and went out the door to find a bathroom. When I saw an opened door I looked in and it was a bathroom so I stepped in then I got pushed out from some boy. "To slow hun" said the Mike and he slammed the door in your face. You were shocked on who you saw but lowkey mad at what he did. Aria came behind you and said "Why aren't you using your own bathroom Eve?" You turned around and looked at her happily "Oh I umm I don't know actually I'll be right back" you said while you go back to your room and try to find the door to your bathroom which was in the corner of your room. When you went inside the bathroom you took off what you had on and examined your new improved body . Your skin was flawless and tan no dark areas just one color. You took a quick rinse off and you didn't have to shave anything was already shaved for you from a previous time. So once you got out of the shower you fixed yourself up and put some light makeup and brushed out your hair and put on your cute outfit . You noticed your stomach was growling so you grabbed your phone and headed downstairs for breakfast. When you checked your phone it's said you had 2 missed calls and 15 missed messages. I didn't know who they were from but shortly I found who the 2 missed calls were from. So I headed downstairs to be greeted with a great smell of food and my parents and my siblings and ZACH DEMPSEY!! I didn't know why he was there but hopefully it's what I think it is.

When you looked into Demseys eyes you couldn't help but smile. You loved the kid from his daring eyes to his toned ass. "Hey babe I called you a couple of times to let you know that ur mom invited me for breakfast I hope Thts fine" said MY MF BABE!! "Of course honey it's fine" said my mom.. "yah of course Zach" I said smiling. I sat right next to Zach and grabbed some pancakes and a sausage. We ate all together which was super nice. We all talked and laughed. Zach grabbed my inner thigh which caught me off guard. He was watching me suck on my sausage before biting into it and zach whispered in my ear saying " you know what else you can suck if we leave rn?" He looked at me seductively and I looked at him smiling and I nodded my head and told my parents "we have to go because we are gonna be late for school". I stood up and grabbed my babes hand and he dragged him off his chair and we headed to the door. "Okay be careful now" my dad said and then mike stopped us at the door to give my backpack. "Hey where are you going so speedy fast" he asked all nosy and shi .. " to school now beat it mike" I clapped back. When we headed out I saw Zach's BMW waiting for us.. he opened the door for me like a gentleman.. I was soo excited for what was gonna happen next.. Dempsey speeded away and I was holding his hand on the way to school. I was lowkey getting impatient because cmon it's zach and all I could think about was pulling his damn pants down and sucking the life out of him. Zach saw how impatient I grew and he grabbed my thigh and kissed my cheek and whispered in my ear "we are almost at our spot" those words killed me. "OUR SPOT!" We had a spot!! I was so excited! When I looked out the window I noticed a lot of trees and a nice big lake. This must be our spot I thought to myself. He stopped the car in front of the lake. I was getting nervous cuz this would be my first time giving head tht Ik and I didn't know what he was gonna do to me.

Zach grabbed my neck and pulled me into a deep kiss and then I got up and straddled him on the car seat.. he kissed down my neck and took off my dress revealing my bralete he removed tht too and started sucking on my nipples the sensation was amazing i literally rolled my head back.. it feels like iv done this before but in this life. It was great. He gave me a hickey on my neck and whispered in my ear saying " You are so hot babe.. please suck my dick" you giggled at tht and you pulled the seat further so you had room to go down on him. You accidentally put ur hand on the wheel to get steady and a loud honk came on. We both got scared and jumped he grabbed me and I looked out the window and I was pretty sure i saw someone out there I saw a blue jacket in the distance but zach started laughing and i looked back at zach and started to laught still curious who tht was out there . He kissed me again and then I got back into the mood. I went down on the car floor and pulled down is pants and his huge cock flew out and my eyes grew wide I was surprised how big he was I was lowkey scared I couldn't handle it but idk how but myself just started going at it and I  did it really good cuz zach was definitely pleased and I heard his cute ass moans. And it made me smile but I was shocked on how good I was doing .. he busted in my mouth but I didn't mind cuz he tasted so good. After tht session was over I put back my clothes on. And I  kissed zach and left a little mark on him as well. After We headed to school.

When we got out of the car he held my hand. I felt secure and happy with him. And everyone was looking at us. When zach opened the doors to liberty hs he yelled " what's up my boys !!!" Looking over to Justin,Bryce,Jeff,Monty,and Steve mf Harrington! I couldn't believe he was friends with them but I mean look at Steve he is so hot with his hair and tht blue liberty high varsity jacket on.. I would fall for him in a heart beat but I snapped out of it and remembered I had a great boyfriend. And then I looked back at Steve and he gave me a wink. I was surprised he would do tht especially in front of ppl. And I heard a few familiar voices from a far calling my name. I turned to see who it was and it was my best friends. Spencer,Emily,Hannah,Aria,and Ali... I walked to them and they grabbed me in a huddle "hey eve are you okay ?!" "Is everything okay?" They asked.. I was super confused on why they were saying tht .. "yah ofc why ?!" I asked super curious but nervous as heck. "Oh no she doesn't know yet" said aria .. "wtf is going on!" I asked "ummm so there is pictures going around with you and Steve at a party hooking up" said Emily "I don't think zach saw yet cuz someone just uploaded them like 20 mins ago" said spencer.. I was so scared at what zach would think cuz I honestly don't remember anything tht happened tht night.. they showed me the photos and they were crazy bad.. I looked over and saw Bryce showing zach the photos.. zach looked at me disgusted.. I tried to go to him but he walked Away. I was no confused and hurt.. I went to class and he was in the same class. I saw him and he looked down mad and hurt. Ppl were looking at me disgusted and some jealous looks tht I got both super hot guys. I sat down and I kept looking at zach to think of what I should say after class.

When the first period bell rang I watched him pack his stuff up and I quickly got up and grabbed his arm letting him tht I had to talk to him. "Zach please listen.. let me talk" I said . "Evelyn you fuxking lied and cheated on me there isn't much you can say" he said. "No the thing is i don't even remember doing those things with Steve like at all.. i would never want to hurt you Zach" I told him. "The thing is you still hurt me and Idk if I can forgive you for this" he said. " No babe please ! I honestly don't even like him and I don't remember a damn thing!" I explained. "Well it doesn't look like tht on those photos" he said walking away. I tried to hold back my tears but I couldn't and I ran to the bathrooms and went into a stall and wiped my tears away. When i was doing so I heard girls giggling and talking. I ended up listening to what they were saying. "I can't believe that Evelyn girl got caught cheating on her hot ass boyfriend" said one girl. "She is so dumb to think that she wouldn't get caught!" Said another girl. "Well let's hope Steve Harrington knows what he's doing to stay out of this drama.. he is so hot and shouldn't be with a girl like Evelyn.. it's literally not fair I mean like almost all the guys at liberty try to freaking hook up with her.. I guess she made that mistake with Harrington" both girls giggled and walked away. You heard everything and that made u cry even more but then you realized tht your the hot shot at the school and shouldn't care what ppl think. All I cared about was getting zach back !

After school I tried to find Steve cuz I had to talk to him and get some answers .. I figured he would be up at the field practicing so I went up and there and I saw him along with many other guys I even saw zach and his face said it all .. he look bummed as ever and it hurt me to see him like .. so as I waited for the practice to be over I grabbed steves attention and I called him over. He saw me and got super happy to see me and ran to me.

"Hey beautiful wanna finish where we left off last Friday ?" Steve said

"Steve what are u talking about and why is all this happening?!" I told him

"Wdym I thought this is what you wanted..clearly you wanted me tht night. And I honestly don't know who took those pics and posted it. But all Ik is tht I want you with me" Steve said as he got super close to my face and tried to kiss me. I pushed him off

"Steve I'm sorry but we can't do this, I can't do this! I love zach and I don't want to hurt him anymore" I said to Steve

"Fine whatever do what you want be with him but Ik deep down you want me." Steve said and running back to the locker rooms. I stood there thinking to myself. After I gathered my thoughts and my belongings I headed to Zach's car to wait for him.

When I saw zach heading to the car my stomach started to hurt cuz i was soo nervous on what was gonna go down .

"You ready to go" he said bluntly and got in the car

"Uh yeah but zach can I please talk to you" I said

"What about ? I told you there isn't much to say" zach said

"ZACH I LOVE YOU AND I DONT WANT TO EVER HURT YOU AGAIN!" I yelled to get in his head.

"Eve Ik you do. And Ik you were beyond drunk and I forgive you.. just make sure it doesn't happen EVER again !" He said . I was so happy he said tht .. I gave him a kiss and closed my eyes to rest.

When we got to my house he asked me if I wanted to go to a party.

"Hey babe before you go there's this party tonight at Bryces. Do you wanna go ?" He asked

"No thanks babe I rather spend it with you. If your down. I checked the movies that are playing at the crestmount and there's a good one i think you'll like" I told him

"That sounds way better babe! I'll pick u up 7" he said . I agreed and kissed him goodbye.

[wereg0blin]

for the ask meme? all of them u thot

For ur and Cris' demand1. Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it?Yes!!!!! 2. Would you date an 18-year-old at the age you are now?UhHHHHHH it is 3 years older than me but hhhhhhh probably not3. When’s the last time you were aggravated and happy at the same time?Bicth ten mins ago4. Would you ever smile at a stranger?ALWAYS5. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?If there are they can go fuck themselves right in the butthole6. Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today?CHOKE-I dont know how but they found me - mr seen aka my eX hHHhH7. What exactly are you wearing right now?a cute ass blouse thingy some tights and christmas deer antlers on top of a Santa hat8. How often do you listen to music?every chance i get9. Do you wear jeans or sweats more?jeans i guess10. Do you think your life will change dramatically before 2013?i dont even remember 201311. Are you a social or an antisocial person?both damn12. Have you ever kissed someone whose name begins with the letter ‘A’?On the cheek yes13. What about ‘R’?platonically yes14. Can you drive a stick shift?i can climb sticks???? does that count??? 15. Do you care if people talk badly about you?they 100% do and i dont really care bc everyone talks shit about everyone 16. Are you going out of town soon?i dont know how to reply to this because i live in two towns17. When was the last time you cried?Wednesday i think,, i wish i could cry more often 18. Have you ever told someone you loved them?i try to say it as much as i can bc i have a lot of love in my heart19. If you could change your eye color, would you?maybe a lighter blue bc gray blue isn't that pretty20. Is there a boy who you would do absolutely everything for?not counting evan,,, uhh Boys ARE A BLESSING TO THIS WORLD FUXK YEAH21. Name something you dislike about the day you’re having.am planning to tell mh parents abt my depression but hHHHHH22. Is it cute when guys kiss you on your forehead?if it has boy in it iT CUTE23. Are you dating the last person you talked to?NopE cris is like,,,, my best friend wtf24. What are you sitting on right now?b e d i t s o f t25. Does anyone regularly (other than family) tell you they love you?FRIENS. LOVE THEM. 26. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?ALL THW TIME B I TCH27. Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night?my roommates 28. Do you get a lot of colds?nop, but when i do its fuxked up29. Where is the shirt you are wearing from?Switzerland 30. Does anyone hate you?yepity depity do and i hope they burn in hell fucking pieces of shits31. Do you have any empty alcohol bottles hidden somewhere in your room?it will be a cold day in hell when i drink my dudes32. Do you like watching scary movies?BITCH I L OV E MAKING FUN OF MOVIESSO SEEING SHITTY SCARY MOVIES IS A FUCKING BLESSING 33. Do you want your tongue pierced?Nah how tf am i gonna eat spicy shit then???? ¿¿¿¿34. If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be?2015????or 2016??? i think that was the worst my depression ever was35. Did you have a dream last night?i think????? 36. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?right now37. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?hope not???? but then again???? kinda hope i do????? probably not doe38. Do you think someone has feelings for you?yes i know at least 2 boys and i feel so sorry for them39. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?probs40. Did you have a good day yesterday?mmmeh41. Think back 2 months ago; were you in a relationship?oh shit i have no Fucking idea 42. In the next 48 hours, will you hang out with a girl?y e s43. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?i think???? cris must've told me at least one time and evan too so Uhhhh i guess???? ¿¿¿¿44. What’s the best part about school?i get to have unnecessary crushes45. Do you have any pictures on your Facebook?ppppplenty46. Do you ever pass notes to your friends in school?yeah but he called me a slut and a whore 47. Do you replay things that have happened in your head?god fucking hell all the time 48. Were you single over the last summer?yep49. Is your life anything like it was two years ago?nope thank the whatever the fuck is out there 50. What are you supposed to be doing right now?sleeping i guess51. Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with?evan is a precious cinnamon roll fuck off 52. Are you nice to everyone?YES YES YES YES ALWAYS as i saidk i l l t h e m w i t h k i n d n e s s53. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?h hh hhh fuCking tAke a wIld Gue Ss m854. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?bitch when i cheat will be the day i cut my throat 55. Are you good at hiding your feelings?bad feelings? yescrushes? n0Pe56. Do you think you like someone?i think but i hope not57. Have you kissed someone whose name starts with a ‘J’?nop i do not Think so my dude 58. Do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys?why THE FUCK would that matter59. Has anyone of your friends ever seen you cry?current ones?? i dont think so??? 60. Do you hate anyone?nah i just,,,, strongly dislike themexcept the fucking bitches i called friends i hopr they die in a fire 61. How’s your heart?idk i guess ok??? im always okay62. Is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about?not really pffft63. Have you ever cried over a guy?yes all the time,, boys r beautiful 64. Who is probably talking a load of crap about you right now?hmmmmmmmmm idk i can think of a few people but i hope not 65. Are your toenails painted pink?I W I S H66. Will your next kiss be a mistake?bih i wish i could have my first kiss67. Girls love it when boyfriends cry; correct?if boyfriend cries i cry thats bad 68. Have your pants ever fallen down in public?poor poor souls that actually had this happen to them69. Who was the last person you were on the phone with?my sister!!! 70. How do you look right now?bored Even doe im honestly just relaxed 71. Do you have someone you can be your complete self around?i do that with everyone bc if u don't like me u don't have tk be around me 72. Can you commit to one person?yes ofc!!!??? 73. Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to?even bby ilu74. Have you ever felt replaced?i think?? yes probs75. Did you wake up cranky?nop76. Are you a jealous person?hhhhHA YOU DONT EVEN K N O W77. Are relationships ever worth it?Theyre fun but the end of them makes me wanna die78. Anyone you’re giving up on?crushes and teachers 79. Currently wanting to see anyone?3 more years bih u better wait for meand u too eben b safe u dork80. Name something you have to do tomorrow?sssstudy h81. Last person you cried in front of?mom82. Is there someone you will never forget?yyyES83. Do you think the person you have feelings for is protective of you?nope he doesn't really care about me anymore (although i dont think he ever did) 84. If the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing right now?BICTH ID BE KISSING THAY THOT ALL OVER HER FACE AND WATCHING SAW AND VORING PIZZAEVEN DUDE HHHHELTS WATCH SAW 3 AND LAUGH AT THAT DUDE BREAKING HIS LEG AND THWN I CAN HUG YOU TILL I DIE FROM DEHYDRATION 85. Are you over your past?i ggggUess??? 86. Have you ever liked one of your best friends of the opposite sex?i have no idea 87. Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to? @lady-misfortune @space-ace-sneevee @thelilshadowchild88. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?what has been has been but i guess idk yet bc ive had like 1 bf for now 89. So, the last person you kissed just happens to arrive at your door at 3AM; do you let them in?never kissed 90. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?i guess???????? 91. Will you be in a relationship in 2 months?i sure as hell have no idea92. Is there anyone you know with the name Michael?Michael Jackson and I are best buddies bItch93. Have you ever kissed a Matthew?noPe94. Were you in a relationship in January? How was it going?i was in a relationship with my laptop and i didnt leave him from 7pm to 6am 95. Were you happy with the person you liked in March?he a dicky 96. Don’t tell me lies, is the last person you texted attractive?bicth fucjing prettiest people youll find97. Who do you have texts from?crissy gorl that im too lazy to reply to98. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?happened to me and i said "glad u told me earlier i dont want u being with me if u r uncomfy" it did hurt like a fucking bitch doe99. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?bitch never kissed 100. Who’s in your profile picture with you?me, myself and i101. Ever kissed under fireworks?NEVER KISSED FFS102. Has anybody ever given you butterflies?IN a jar nicely packed and handed to me? no but stomach butterflies so bad i wanted to throw up? yes

[lovewavesxx]

Love Waves – EP 7 – WTF ARE WE DOING?

Click here to read Love Waves - Introduction

“WTF ARE WE DOING? –E xx.”

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/user/ericajones10/playlist/4WpepDQVwmxbMSLi2JGuSJ

Apple Music: https://itunes.apple.com/us/playlist/love-waves-ep-7-wtf-are-we-doing/idpl.u-4JombJltjBX3Rv

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLwEZgDEorNRQRokZrxPmUwyPZTIzslqpd

1. Lauren Sanderson – Conversations (feat. DYSN)

2. THEY. – Truth Be Told

3. Post Malone – I Fall Apart

4. Snow Tha Product – Waste of Time

5. Drake – Furthest Thing

6. Marty Grimes – Fuxk Around

7. The Neighbourhood - #Icanteven (feat. French Montana)

8. Blaise Moore – HANDS

9. G-Eazy – Shoot Me Down (feat. Anthony Stewart)

10. Tory Lanez – Friends With Benefits

11. Childish Gambino – Heartbeat

12. Beyoncé – Hold Up

13. SZA – Prom

14. Marko Penn – Same Ones

15. Dylan Matthew – Sober

16. Cam Meekins – Heart

17.Cardi B – I Gotta Hurt You

Click here for my twitter @ericajones1010

Click here to leave a comment or say something idk :) (it’s anonymous)

do·ing

ˈdo͞oiNG/

1. the activities in which a particular person engages.

2. effort; activity.

This is probably the most aggressive playlist I’ve made for this series so far. To be very honest I am struggling with how to write this description accurately. Bare with me while I get to the end zone, and I apologize in advance if it gets long. Just know it comes from my heart.

I used to be the type of person who had issues controlling my words in heated moments. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt someone I loved because of something I said. Words can hurt. Words can’t be taken back. Due to my growing awareness of that flaw, I really started to work on staying silent and thinking very hard about what to say and how to react in situations that are high stress and potential breaking points in any form of relationship. Since I’m human, it’s still a work in progress at times.

One of the most disgusting things I learned throughout this process of trying to fix myself is that even when I do not release those bitter statements into the world, they still exist in my head. It’s very frustrating for me. If you truly know me, then you know at the heart of everything I want nothing but the best for everyone I love and even people who have hurt me.

It can start to become very draining to think about all the awful things you’d wish would happen to someone because you’re angry at them or because of something they did or how they treated you. That way of thinking is repulsive. It’s not a quality I want in someone else or myself. I’ve learned it is much less stressful to say and genuinely feel that you want the best for that person instead. That’s it, the best. The best of whatever they feel is most fulfilling in their life whether it involves me or not. You can’t choose what happens to you, but you can choose how to react.

The act of letting anger, jealously, and hurt go can be difficult. I still struggle with this. While the journey can be an uphill struggle, getting to the other side is very refreshing. It’s very freeing. For every uphill there is a downhill. Never forget that.

So, the initial concept of this playlist came from an internal confusion I’ve dealt with for what seems like forever—the ups and downs of having someone you care about so deeply and not being able to let them go. It feels sort of like dancing around with them on all of these uphills and downhills. Complexities and confusion is hard for me to deal with. At the same time, I’ve learned my head definitely has the ability to go wayyyy above and beyond thinking and trying to navigate a situation that is not clean cut.

Grey areas drive me nuts because I’m the type of person who wants things to be crystal clear. I want to know what is going on and why. I’m usually an all or nothing type of gal. Having to hold back or put boundaries on any form of relationship feels very unnatural to me. It makes me uncomfortable being told how and when to act.

If I can move my schedule around or make time for you I will without you asking. That goes for friends, family, anything. I prioritize the connections I have. I can’t explain why I’m like this, but I just am. If I care about something or someone I will always fight like hell to make time and give my absolute best effort possible. There are no excuses for not fighting to keep your greatest priorities fulfilled and in the best shape possible.

That being said, I struggle with the differences in priorities I have when another person doesn’t seem to match my efforts. It can kind of feel like a slow death. It can feel like your soul is exporting itself in effort towards another, and when very little is being returned or evenly matched, it can leave you feeling drained.

Another thing I can sometimes struggle with is accepting the difference in opinion or view other’s have towards me, or something I feel very passionately about. I’m stubborn, and I always have been. I get that from my father haha. But at the same time I think I do a decent job of not letting my pride get in the way when I realize I am wrong.

Conflict and disagreements no matter can big or small can be frustrating, but without differing opinions we’d all be the same and let’s be real, that would be hella lame. I think what I’ve learned most from being in situations where there is a disagreement in views is it allows for a perspective other than your own to be heard. It can create a dialogue. Over the past year, more than ever, I have learned I would much rather us have a disagreement and a conversation because of that, than to just give up and leave. I suppose that whole fighting aspect of me morphed more into genuinely fighting to keep growing connections with people I value so highly.

It’s also weird because over the past few months I’ve learned I don’t want to change anyone. I don’t want to control anyone or their behaviors I find less desirable. I’ve learned you have to sometimes accept what you do not understand or agree with. However, there’s a beauty in that act of acceptance. I think that’s how you know your intentions and love is pure—accepting their existence for everything they are in the present. I just want you to be the best version of yourself, and my opinion on what that version is or desired to be is absolutely irrelevant. The only person who can be the judge of what is best for you, is you. I can only be there by your side through everything in support. That’s all I have the power to do or even want to do—support you on your journey. Of course there are aspects that would be a welcomed change, but at the end of the day I only want someone to change if they want to. My views are invalid.

This playlist is meant to display confusion. If you listen to the stories within the songs it’s all very chaotic. It plays with the idea of letting go, coming back, being selfish, being selfless, wanting, lusting, loving, hating, and being annoyed—all of it. At the core I think it displays how uncomfortable I can get when a situation arises and plays with my insecurities in any form of relationship. It’s sad, but when I feel threatened I feel the need to protect myself by lashing out. I want to be cold. I want to be like, “Fine, fuck you.” BUT I am still trying sooo harddd to fight nawwwttt to beeee soooo bitter and petty. Nobody wants to love something that is so negative. It’s gross. Like, it’s literally my least favorite quality that I am seriously trying to fix. *insert sos emoji*

To overcome that feeling of being insecure, uncomfortable, confused, bitter, and even sometimes upset things aren’t going the way you hoped they would, I think it’s easiest to actively calm yourself down and focus on the very moment you are in with yourself or with a person who has the potential to evoke those emotions. Don’t think about the potential of what they could be because you might be creating expectations that may never be met and that could upset you. Don’t think about what they were in the past because you aren’t there anymore. Focus on the present moment you are in with them. Fight like hell to be at peace with them and yourself as you exist in the same moment together. I think when you reach that point life gets way better. It feels like you kind of made it. It feels like that downhill is about to be sccchhhwweeeettt.

To briefly discuss the root of the inspiration behind this wavy playlist I had a friend recently say, “You guys are on and off more than a light switch.” They said this after the playlist and concept were created, but I think it still fits. That statement at face value is funny to me. It’s also accurate. Upon further reflection though (since I’m like, the best at thinking too much) I think it’s important to remember that even when a light is switched off, the wiring doesn’t go away. That spark can always return. It just takes one action. That’s it. A moment of courage or effort can have the potential to light up your entire world and change everything you know. It’s also important to remember that without darkness you may never appreciate the light you are given no matter how long it lasts. A deep connection is rare. I wouldn’t trade mine for anything.

Song Explanations:

The playlist opens up with Lauren singing about wanting to be with someone who makes her grow upward, but the person there right now isn’t pushing to be better or make her better. The lyrics in the second verse show how Lauren is evolving positively and the girl she’s referring to isn’t progressing.

Truth Be Told not only has a great sound, but the story is fairly universal as well. The opening line is, “Say somethin’ / Know that there’s two sides to every story.” Literally, please just say something. Verse two talks about why they broke up.

Click here to read to lyrics for Truth Be Told by THEY.

So, I actually listened to Stoney the night it was released last year. I was mainly obsessed with No Option, Feel, Patient, Leave, Feeling Whitney, Hit This Hard and Congratulations. It wasn’t until recently I saw a short video of Post Malone singing I Fall Apart live on Twitter and I was like, “Bruh, I felt the words you just sang in my soul.” The emotion he conveyed was powerful. Since then, I’ve been listening to the song probably too much. The lyrics “I fall apart down to my core,” leave me shooketh. 

Snow nails how I feel sometimes when my anger and frustration gets the best of me. “Getting attached / I’m gonna go / I’ll be alright / I’m better alone..You’re a fucking waste of time.” Her flow is ridiculous. This song is so smooth whether you’re dealing with anything or not.

Furthest Thing by Drake was a song I played heavily during the spring of 2017. I would list my favorite lyrics from this song, but it would be damn near the whole thing. Most importantly though is the lyric, “The furthest thing from perfect like everyone I know.”

Click here to read the lyrics for Furthest Thing by Drake

I used to think there was a certain point at which I would give up on Him. Hell, Fuxk Around is even by one of his favorite artists, Marty Grimes. So many people have told to move on. Forget about it. He’s dead weight. He’s a mess. He’s a fuckboy. The list goes on. To some degree I have moved on. I don’t hang onto every word or silence between us like I used to. I don’t feel angry anymore. I just feel this weird calm right now. I think that’s good though. I mean, it sure beats crying myself to sleep or craving his attention, like I once did. I swear I used to see the type of car he once had like evvv-eryyy-wherrre and the reminder of him would just unleash this weird wave of heat over my entire body, until I got distracted enough, and then it would leave. What’s even more weird is that I wish I could actually put words to why I would feel that way so I could’ve controlled it better. Either way, time and space have a way of bringing people together or keeping them apart. I guess for us, for now, I’m just lucky we manage to always find our way back eventually. It kind of feels like nothing could actually break that connection past repair because we’re too honest with each other.

#Icanteven is just a littttt ass song by one of my favorite bands who manages to mix genres ridiculously well.

Friends With Benefits by Tory Lanez is definitely a song that makes me just want to dance. Everything about the song makes me feel dangerous. And yeah, I know that sounds crazy.

Heartbeat by Childish Gambino is a song I’ve been playing A LOT. One of my friends made this sick playlist for me and this song was in there. The entire narrative is wild and the music production is even wilder. It’s all sooo great.

“Hold up they don’t love you like I love you..What a wicked way to treat the girl who loves you.” Ya know, it’s crazy because I think a lot of the upset I used to feel from people I had feelings for was derived from me giving so much and just expecting my efforts would be matched by them. I learned that is definitely not the way to be. You either stick around because you care enough about them or you leave. What they do or don’t do hopefully shouldn’t drive you away unless you let it.

SZA is literally my queen right now. Her album Ctrl changed my life when it came out in June. The entire album speaks to me. Prom was the first song off the album I really felt a connection to. The beat reminds me of a heartbeat. I can relate to the lyrics, “Fearin’ not growin’ up / Keepin’ me up at night / Am I doin’ enough? / Feel like I’m wastin’ time,” because sometimes I do feel like I’m not where I should be or I’m not doing enough to get to where I feel I belong. In my head I hear not only myself, but another perspective from someone else saying, “Promise to get a little / Better as I get older / And you’re so patient / And sick of waitin’ / Promise to do better / Shoulda coulda / Prolly wanna let me go / But you can’t, oh.” That same perspective of someone not being on my same level also bleeds into the lyrics, “Please don’t take it, don’t take it personal / Like I know you usually do.” I accidentally take, like everything wayyy too personal sometimes. It’s dumb, and I’m working on it. I don’t mean to be something that frustrates you, and I know you don’t mean to frustrate me. It just happens.

Click here to read the lyrics from Prom by SZA

Same Ones by Marko Penn is this dope song that expresses a few different phases I’ve had in my life, but at the core I stay with the same ones who have always been there for me.

In the past I’ve had to deal with being with someone who was going through some issues, and they dealt with those feelings with substances. It kills me inside when other people choose an object or substance over me. You only want me when it’s convenient for you but your actions are having negative effects on you and me. It makes me feel like I’m not good enough, and it hurts to see you medicate yourself so much. The song Sober by Dylan Matthew is well produced and I enjoy the story he tells.

I see myself a lot in Heart by Cam Meekins. I relate to the female he’s singing about and I also relate to Cam’s perspective too. “Coffee colored eyes / Sick of writing love songs.” Sometimes I feel so intoxicated by his brown eyes, and sometimes it annoys me that he inspires some of my best work. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ It makes me feel like a creep. I used to feel like the next lyrics, which is really weird when I actually think about it. “It’s like when I am far from you, I want nothing but you / But when I have you here, it’s like I’m only thinking “fuck you” / So maybe I’m the problem, I can’t figure it out / Because no matter what I do, the cycle keeps going around.” I think it has to do with the expectation and fantasy you build that person up to be in your head and then you get disappointed when they don’t live up to the standards you A) didn’t tell them about and B) should’ve never placed on them in the first place. I swear, I have learned so much about people and myself over these past couple years.

The last song is sooooo fucked up. I Gotta Hurt You by Cardi B is crazy. There used to be a time in my life where if I got hurt or felt attacked by someone I just felt the need to get them back with that same hurt. Not physically, but I do have a mean side I am deffo not proud of. It doesn’t even make sense to hurt something you love, but it happens.

If you stuck with me through all of this mumbo jumbo I wish I could give you a hug. I went IN on this week’s playlist and description. Congratulations, I opened up too much about parts of me I do not like, but I’ve never really been scared to express myself. Learn from my mistakes because I am trying my damndest to do the same. There’s this episode of Scrubs where Turk keeps telling Carla she’s making mountains out of molehills. I hope when I get out of line those closest to me continue to keep putting me back in my place. It stings, but I’ll love you for it anyway.

Love,

-E xx.

p.s. To go back to the title, “WTF ARE WE DOING?” I have no clue, and I don’t care to try and figure it out right now. Despite everything we’ve been through, life is still litt when I get to exist with you. I’ll always want to cheer you on. I wouldn’t trade our seconds for anything hun. xx.

[rushsblog]

Shes drunk....again.

You're asking me about my patients and saying I worked with her abd my provider is Becca abd screaming and mad

The following morning I addressed how she made me feel how she made me feel scared abd afraid of the conversation or what could happen next . She got angry and disassociative she turned over and got so mad she became short and hostile with me. After arguing back and fourth I get up and let the dogs out and she screams. "I can do the 🐕" but doesn't get it up . I do the dogs and feed them even when at this time our very relationship hangs in the balance . So I do the dogs I come back in the room and she's up and I say are you ready to get in the shower for work? She  starts going off dismissing my feelings because she didn't hit me. Not realizing that making me feel that way or that that could happen makes me feel the excact same way. She says "why do you even love me if I do all these things to you" I say no im not doing this you're manipulating the conversation to fit your narrative . You don't wanan address all the issues I've brought up and how you were wrong for coming at me aggressively and making me feel scared while drunk. That is your fault. So we're bickering back and fourth shes screaming saying shes gotta get to work and im saying wtf are you retarded if you have to go to work stop arguing with me abd your emotions and get in the shower l. She flips out abd says i called her retarded. So i leave the room abd xover mt ears because shes picking up on anything i say or do and manipulating it to make her narrative.  I say ok im leaving the room. She gets up finally abd starts chasing me room to room saying "WHY CANT YOU SAY WHY YOU DONT LOVE ME" YOU KNOW WHAT I WANT YOU TO STOP GROWING WEED HERE!!! see her things to control me is the house and thats it. I try to get away from her by covering my ears and leaving the room she keeps chasing me screaming me . Finally I call her insane . For chasing me around knowing she has work mental illness and hasn't taken her medicine. She then harps on the insane thing. When I really was saying her mental illness was taking over I don't think normal she would attack me abd chase me room to room but she did. So basically I call her insane. She grabs a knife (dejavu) goes in the bathroom abd locks the door. Basically trying to emotionally abd mentally abuse me showing me that if I ever have something bad to say about how she treats me and she doesn't have an answer (aka something that I did that she can throw in my facd) she will try to cut and harm herself. In my situation thats scary. She's told me her ex has recorded her to make fun of her . I think it was to protect himself. She is out of control. I told her how she made me feel and she spinned out of control. She ruined her own morning by not being receptive and listening with her heart .

I lost my id shes upset and and is being nasty and angry she said to me im petty . Then called her a bitch . Then she called me a dick then I called her a cunt. She thinks that calling someone a dick is not the same as calling someone a cunt. It is. She tells me to leave the room i say I'm not leaving the room so unless she's calling the cops im not leaving and she threatened to call the cops. I am done with this saggy titted bitch she's an absolute cunt to me as I am having a bad day . I've lost my id my package never came and my bottles of nutrients that I spent money on broke  she doesn't know how to help her helping her trying to fight with me or saying shit that doesn't help me when In actuallyilty I only lost my id buying her fat disgusting ass alcohol .now she's basically threatened me abd forced me to retrack my feelings otherwise she threatens to break up with me or kick me out and she says why are youstill here if you feel all of that. Meaning she's ready to throw the towel in and so am I . She lives like a fucking slob she leaves a mess everywhere gets drunk gets nasty gets angry gets vindictive gets hurtful starts threatening and I can only sit here abd take it . She told me to leave the room as soon as I do she starts messaging me. Trying to start another fight. I have to not give that to her I need to keep my calm and shut up bide my time stack your money and go. Things don't have to be bad .it just takes one nasty ass drunk white bitch to ruin your fucking life. She knows if she called the cops on me because I'm black they would hurt me and do things to me. She knew all of my past with my ex and all the bad things that happened to me all the hurt abd ptsd and still said those words to me. If we make it past this mark im going to win I promise everyday going forward is strictly about that .

Id need pictures

She and I were both drunk she asked me to go to  the bathroom with her  I did as I walked in I saw her knock down the vinegar trap for fruit flies. She started getting mad and drunk and blaming me even tho I was 5 feet away at the doorl when I saw it when u was in the shower she said " I just wanna break up with you already " after I get out of the shower the common sense of her saying that to me is ridiculous. She knocked it down as it was behind the toilet me walking in after her like she asked me is not my fault

She's being nasty to me and fighting with me and saying I can't write it down  trying to manipulate me from being myself but I'm writing it down because she said my opinions don't matter when they have to do with her life but when I said that I don't wanna fight wit her over small things she blew up at me and said im annoying then said that she's gonna go back in her notes and read all the things she wrote to try to hurt me. I don't care. She doesn't like being held to the same standards she holds me to. Because she has all the powering her relationship she just yells at me abd becomes disrespecting abd hurtful .u mean we still aren't together from when she broke up with me last Wednesday. She leaves to go to liquor store and said that why am I looking at her. .everytime she drinks her true feelings come out shes nastier than I could of ever expected judt hurtful small minded abd wanting to attack abd hurt abd destroy everything m when I say small minded I mean one track minded with the sense of just srostrying everything. She doesn't care what happens to me she just uses me while I'm here for sex or comfort and when she's mad she disrespects me and tries to hurt me ahd makes me feel like anything could happen to me. Since I've explained my position she had gotten worse. More drinking. More attacks. More fear. Who knows maybe she'll get drunk and manipulate a fight so she can call the cops or she can attack me or she can do whatever she wants . She's a master manipulator who is a terrible drunk with no control constantly emotional and hurtful . She left in the middle of arguing go get a bottle so now im scared. Shes too wild

She brought up the fact I said "well if we're done I basically hope you die so 🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️" not mentioning that I said that when we first met that" when someone breaks up with me or we break up im done im not in contact with any of my exes because once we're done it's like you're dead to me . She comes home after getting a bottle and doesn't day a word just bsngs on the door until I answer even tho she has a key and she is drunk still from earlier drove around and has yet to say a word to me but shes now on her phone going through charges to try to fight with me about when I used her card little does she know she I already gave her cash so she can't be rude or nasty to me m but we'll see whats the first thing she says since her 500th drunken attack episode

Had a bad dream about us fighting and her coming home with another guy and fuxking him and making eye contact and her saying were not together anyways remember I broke up with you a few weeks ago plus where you gonna go. Woke up in a sweat upset .putting things into perspective.

She woke up got drunk tried to think of ideas to call out of work I really didn't say much then she said tell her no. So I do. And I keep telling her no. And she stands up super aggressive and goes "you wouldn't understand" and storms out of the room insinuating I don't get it because I don't have a job

She's rude nasty and disrespectful after all of that she's at the door and she says I'm done you wanted to know if I would resent you... well I do. I say "dude you're being a bitch like wtf just go to work" she gets Angier and says you're telling me to leave my house that I pay for??? Getting more abd more Angier judt s are tbh. Shes out of control she drinks in the morning and drinks at night so much so her hands shake. Shes out of control her emotional swings are out of control .shes too emotionally unstable to have a job.

She wants to have sex with me and I absolutely do not want to have sex with someone who's mean as fuck to me all the time edoei slly when she's drinking shed out of control she's extra aggressive and makes me feel uncomfortable I repeat. I never want to have sex with anyone who can't be nice to me for more than a few hours especially if she says. Shut up and",just break up already " .she told me to stay home she needs space . My thoughts is she never stops i nthe middle of being nasty and says sorry I was out of line she doesn't have that in her. She's nasty as fuck. When I first met her I told her I don't ever ever wanan have sex with someone who's mean as fuck to me and treats me like shit .

I think k with the growing sexyal need for whoel dildos inside of her is gonns grow a want for something I can't give I can't give you 10 inches of dicj whenever you say or else. I told you how I work how if you're mean to me it makes me not ever wanan have sex. I need consistency. Shes not doing it. Her emotions change on a dime shes unstable. So because I don't wanan have sex we should break up? bitch you're a fucking bitch sttaight up a terrible person in the moment so stop being a bitch abd realize we need to get on the same page and have sex when we're good not when youre nasty to me. I don't wanna have sex with a mean nasty horrible person.

I tell her im in a bad mood and I dont wanna go to grocery store ill just drink apple juice. She retorts back and says I don't care what you drink . Then we start bickering back and fourth it gets to a point where she says just shut the fuck up I do not care about you shut the fuck up. While earlier in the day she had said "just break up with me already" well i say ok ill shut the fuck up . Then she keeps going she calls me an asshole . Says he didn't do anything wrong.(I never said she did) I just finished calling the eye lash place advocating for her so she could get her money back. But ok. Shes sitting right next to me calling me an asshole and a piece of shit and I finally get fed up . And say fuck you kill yourself I know I shouldn't of said that but I said it when I was upset and she genuinely makes a big deal when I call her a bitxh even if she's absolutely being one .so in the moment of having limited vocabulary and a ton of emotions I just said fuck you kill yourself. Then she went barreling in the other room trying to kill herself. My problem is asshole is a trigger for me . Psychotic self harming girls are a trigger for me. If this relationships ends one thing ive learned is they always show they're true colors. Once we get bickering their is no calming her down. We speak to each other not on even ground but. She has ultimate powerm so when she's drunk which is always she gets nasty and short. Within the week of her not drinking we had zero fights abd if there was something close to a fight it was easily resolved now that she's drinking again we've been fighting more and having more issues. I tried to stop her from killing herself by not giving her a knife or scissors but she comes barreling around saying"I KNOW YOU USED MY SCIZZORS FOR YOU FUCKING WEED" and keeps berating me until. I find them for her. I try to open the door its locked i tell her I don't waban be breaking doors down to stop you from killing yourself and I don't wanan be saying sorry when you were being terrible and don't hold yourself responsible. How is any single human being supposed to react when every fight we get into that is mostly alcohol filled on your side we sweep under the rug. How about the time you broke up with me and then next day said we don't talk about it we just sweep it under the rug. So why can't this be that? Where does the line end? I don't understand your trigger words have been crazy which I don't use or insane which I don't use. You know mine is asshole but still choose to say it and not only that when confronted on your fault you rely on your emotions and feelings to get you out of your responsibility the fact is you also say and do things absolutely fucked up . But you don't deal with the same consequences because I don't kill myself this is your house your white im black im a man your a woman . This is your Town. Our playing fields are not even so when you say my triggers or disrespect me  I can do nothing but I say triggering things to you and everything comes crashing down. When you drink you're a terrible person you a nasty manipitive and make me feel unsafe.

She says earlier today its ok if I don't want to have sex then treats me like shit when i don't wanna have sex fuck no i would never evr have srx with you again as you continue to be rude and nasty to me. Calls me a douche  bag then tells me to go in the room and leave her room and now she's yelling at me and telling me im far behind telling me to go in the other room theb telling me I don't leave the house so why can't I go in the other room then is screaming at me telling me to go in the other room telling me to go in the other room and calling me stupid and annoying saying its not fair I never leave the house why can't I go in the other roon.( the room with no ac and is now taking a bunch of pills. I refused to talk to her while she's drunk nasty and pathetic I will never have sex with a person who's disgusting barely showers and fights with me over any and everything shes literally insane and has mental illness and then ripped the blanket off of me and saidxwhere the fucj are my keys  and is screaming at me .now she's threatening to kill herself tooka knife to the car came back more threatening of my lease and attacks then went back to her room

On our anniversary she got mad at me because I said I didn't smoke this morning and she was claiming I did. I said its our anniversary whatever you say I did I did I don't wanna fight which made her Angier. I asked do you need me to leave the room she said yes absolutely. I left the room afterc20 minutes she screams you can come in now I come in and I tell herm hey. Its not cool how you just het so angry and nasty there's no stopping you and the only way to stop you is to leave the room. She says I never asked you to you leave. I said you never asked me to leave because I've done this dance with you before and it won't stop. She says well why are you saying I asked you to leave. I said. Because yo unknown thats the only way to calm you down. Then after bickering back and fourth she cries cuts herself goes in ghe other room while I'm just chilling here. Shes been cutting herself everyday for like a week. She is so unstable.

She bow is looking to renew her drivers license. Can't find her birth certificate..says to me. you fucking lost it didn't you! . I said no.. iwouldnt touch itmm she says you're always here you just of touched it . I said ik not doing this with you your manic grabbed my joint and went in the other room. She called me a mean name and said yeah ok you fucking pothead  .....

[royalsacademy]

//UPDATES:://

Hi you guys! I miss you all so much I don’t know why I always remember ROYALS closer to Shellena’s birthday but I do -- Heheheheh I’ve been watching Kimi Ni Todoke again and it made me miss the past a lot and for a moment I wished I was 15 and life was a little simpler. You guys should watch it again!!! I’ve been thinking about life you guys, it doesn’t seem that real to me anymore but does anything really all that real?! SO! My plans lately are to pass school (I got accepted into Sac State so I’ll be able to go and finish my Bachelor’s and then afterwards I’ll teach in Korea for a year --> I’ll apply to a PA program to be a Physician’s Assistant. I think that I’ll be able to live comfortably with making >$100,000 a year, don’t you guys think? I hope one day we can all live in the same state so that we can have a life sorta together or at least make annual trips to see each other and go to cafes together and whateva ya know like; lmao HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHELLENA WHENEVER YOU SEE THIS I MISS YOU EVERYDAY <3 “Is Alex fuxking his boyfriend yet?” “uhm,  excuse me “ anyhoo y’all i’m gonna update yall some more in the future o_____0;; I love you guys <3

-RO

[irl-futaba-sakura]

Fuxk

On mobile, hope that readmore works lol.

I'm staring at $17,000 worth of dental work that I desperately need done.

And this is not even the extent of my medical needs.

Why the fucking is it so expensive?

You might say "that cost is all cosmetic" and you might be right in that I can probs find cheaper costs by taking the option that doesn't look as pretty (mostly fine with me tbh).

But it's not a joke and it's not just because I look so fucking awful and hate myself and most times would rather die then be around people or eat or have to talk or do anything involving my mouth. (Kinda fucking hard, you try living without talking or eating around others for a day, go ahead.)

It's kept me from getting a job (or even looking into fixing the other complications keeping me from getting a job as a worthless highschool dropout with no skills). I try to get by on art commissions but I even fail to do that right and it's not even stable income, it's supplementary at best.

And you'll probably be mad at me dw I'm fucking mad at myself too but idk how to get over it plz. I'm constantly mad at myself, I fucking hate myself. I wanna fucking die.

And it's not even just the way I look. I can't chew a lot of things, it's too difficult for me to do. I can't do some nessisarry things to take care of my dental health at home, although I do as much as I can and at this point am plagued by paranoia of loosing the ability to eat at all or worse (that it could lead to death but maybe I'm overreacting, surely I'm overreacting).

Something's wrong when you feel like a horrible, disgusting waste of space bc of these things. Something's wrong when u can't be a normal fucking human bc of this.

When I'm done with this $17,000 that I don't know how my uninsured ass is gonna manage, I have other physical health issues to address and mental health that needs attention (unfortunately, bc I don't want attention to begin with I wanna be left alone).

I don't wanna keep doing this. Sleep, eat, shower, sit at my desk and draw or just completely detach myself from everything (thereby getting nothing done) until it's time to eat again and them sleep.

"Just go do something about it then! If you just sit around and let the cycle keep going then how are you ever going to fix your problems?"

How?

The only way I can deal with going outside at all is either having someone with me, and I don't go out without covering up so much of me that all you can see are my fingers, eyes and sometimes neck. I can't wear a mask at a job. I can't function in a situation where there's a lot of people. I can't plan for shit bc I'm not smart and I don't remember anything and nobody around me ever remembers anything either. I'm floating around just letting things happen bc I don't know what to do to change it.

And I don't even have it as bad as some people. So I should shut up.

[extremoclub]

myka, i never really got a chance to fully say everything i’ve wanted to say. i know it’s been almost 3 months and i haven’t stopped thinking about you since but today for some reason you have been weighing heavy on my heart. i’m already starting to cry skdjdk fuxk. i miss you so much. i never thought i’d miss you this much. i never thought i’d have to learn how to grieve over someone, especially it being you. i am so fuckinf angry it’s you. i think i’m in the anger stage at this point, i’m not really sure because everything is a blur. i wish i could have talked to you about ur new job, i wish i could still call you at random hours and just sit on the phone in silence with you again bc we’re both sad and want each other’s company, i wish i could talk to you about school and how things have been going in my life, good or bad. i wish i could talk to you about your life, and if the party you went at that night was fun. Part of me still feels like you’re here and you’re okay and you’re with me and i’ll be able to talk to you again and maybe that’s why i haven’t let myself cry that much over losing you. i feel so bad that i haven’t let myself cry, i feel like a bad best friend, i feel like i didn’t ever deserve your friendship. You deserve to be cried about for years and years and i can’t seem to get anything out. God i’m so sorry. I’m so sorry i couldn’t save you, i’m so sorry i got distant with you the past couple months before you passed, i felt like a bother since i wasn’t talking to becca or Hailea anymore. i should’ve known i wasn’t. i’m so stupid. part of me feels like this is all my fault but i know that’s part of the healing process but part of me doesn’t even want to heal, i don’t want to be okay without you. i just want you back, please come back. I remember the first time i cried, i couldn’t stop. i was hypervenalting, and all i could say was “i’m sorry” and “please come back” and i feel like nothing has really changed. i hope you’re okay right now, i hope you aren’t sad about your mom losing you, or sad over all of us, i hope you aren’t lost anymore like you told your aunt. i hope you know how much i love you and how much i am so so so appreciate to have had such a good friend like you for almost 3 years. You have dramatically changed my life for the good, and now that you aren’t here i’m trying so hard to stay strong for you because i know that’s what you’d want. i love you more than the moon loves the stars. i hope the moon is trwatinf you nice and i will see you again one day and i will finally be able to hug you like i had always wished for. i will finally be able to listen to the weeknds new songs with you, i don’t even know where this is going but i just miss you so much. You will forever have the biggest part of my heart, thank you for making me who i am today and saving my life i never got to say that to you when you were here.

[http-tal]

1-104

1. You woke up naked next to the last person you texted, what would you say? “I’m pretty sure we both expected this eventually”

2. What’s going on between you and the last person you kissed?Honestly dont remember the last person I kissed :/

3. If your boyfriend or girlfriend was into drugs, would you care?Lmao I couldn’t care less, as long as they arent addicted or doing the hard drugs

4. Is your last name longer than six letters?Nope

5. Was your last kiss drunk or sober?Probably sober

6. Have you ever wanted to have someone but you messed it up?Yeah

7. What does your last received text say?“Guess who”

8. How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed?I havent kissed anyone in a long time.

9. Where was your last kiss at?^^

10. When is the last time you saw your sister?more than 10 years ago

11. What do you drink in the morning?water with lemon

12. Where did you sleep last night?in my huge comfortable bed☺️

13. Do you think relationships are hard?Yes.

14. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you?Hmm, I dont think so

15. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, any problems?Have not kissed anyone recently.

16. Would you rather it be sunny or rainy?Rainy, because it brings a blanket of comfort

17. Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you?A lot of my family

18. Are you wearing jeans,sweatpants,or pajama pants?I have no pants on rn;)

19. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 years from now?I kinda hope so

20. Does anyone like you?Yes, but I dont understand why lmao

21. Have you ever kissed someone with a name that starts with an S?Probably

22. Is the last person you kissed gay?yeH Lol

23. Is there a person you CANNOT stand?I am a chill person, I have no one that fits this

24. Have you ever considered getting a tattoo?I plan on getting a lot in the future

25. In the past week have you cried?yeah

26. What breed was the last dog you saw? my pitbull mix, beans

27. Do you dry off in the shower or out of the shower?I dry off outside the shower. I like to lounge around naked and air dry

28. Have you ever kissed a football player?Nopw

29. Do you think you’re old?lol im not even 18

30. Do you like text messaging?sure

31. What type of day are you having?Im in a pleasant mood, and I have been all day :)

32. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced?my nose IS pierced

33. Do you prefer warm or cold weather?I thought I preferred cold, but now I think its warm

34. Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you?no

35. Would you prefer a relationship or a fling?Relationship, hands down.

36. Are you a simple or complicated person?accidentally complicated

37. What song are you listening to?DRUGS by Lil aaron

38. When you say you’re sorry do you mean it?Most of the time

39. Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you?My best friend Mar

40. What made you start liking the person you like now?who knows, the mind works in mysterious ways

41. When did you last receive a text message?like an hour ago

42. What is wrong with you right now?Lmaooo, a lot

43. How well do you know the last female you texted?Not that well, we hang out sometimes but I dont really know her

44. Does anyone disgust you?does myself count

45. Would you date someone right now if they asked?depends on whom it is

46. Are you in a good mood right now?yes, very

47. Who was the last person you talked to in person?Mi padre

48. What color shirt are you wearing?black

49. Has someone recently told you something you didn’t want to hear?I dont think so, or at least I dont remember if they did

50. Anyone you’re giving up on?Never

51. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for?I could never

52. Have you ever thought about giving up on someone but couldn’t?yes a couple times

53. Do you like rain?very much so

54. Do you care if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks?no, im not their mother

55. Have you ever liked somebody and never told them?Sure, isnt that normally what a crush is

56. Do you like to cuddle?Who doesn’t??

57. Are you shy?Not shy, but introverted.

58. Do you get along with girls?Yes, I get along eith everyone

59. Have you dated the person you texted last?Nope

60. What do you carry with you at all times?My phone of course

61. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you?Yeah, its win win. I die or i get money.

62. Do you think you can last in a relationship for five months?depending on the person , yes

63. Think back to October, were you in a relationship?Nope

64. The person you like kisses you on the forehead, do you find this cute?Very, I hope I get forehead kisses

65. Did anything “cute” happen in the last week?cute boy

66. How old are the last three people you kissed?no idea

67. Would you rather pay to get your nails done or do them yourself? if I had the skills I would do them myself

68. Which do you like better- Zebra print or leopard print? neither the FUCK

69. Do you have any stickers on your car? one, its for my high school

70. Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne? Lil Wayne

71. Blackberry, Anroid, or iPhone? android

72. When’s the last time you had pizza from Pizza Hut? probably last month

73. Do you like diet soda? nanny

74. What color are the walls in your room? white

75. Are you 16 or older? yes, 17

76. Do you watch Pretty Little Liars? somewhat, yes

77. Do you have a job? just quit my old one

78. What are your initials? T L M

79. Did you ever have braces? no PE

80. Are you from the south? yes

81. What does your last status on facebook say? it a a video of a tiny cat screaming

82. Do you still talk to the first person you ever kissed? nope

83. Are you closer to your mom or your dad? my dad but we arent really close

84. Have you ever done cheerleading or gymnastics? no

85. What’s the last movie you saw in theaters? I dont remember the title

86. Do you smoke?

yes87. Would you rather wear heels or flip flops? Heals forsure

88. Is your phone touch screen? yes

89. Do you normally wear your hair straight or curly? wavy.

90. Have you ever snuck out of your house? yes

91. Would you rather swim in a river, lake, or pool? pool, oceans and lakes scare me

92. Have you ever made out in a car? yes

93. …Had sex in a car? yes

94. Are you single or in a relationship? single as fuxk man95. What were you doing last night at midnight?Smoking and playing black ops96. When’s the last time you saw fireworks? a long rime ago.

97. Do you like the camera on your phone? its okay for a phone

98. Have you ever had a friend with benefits? yes, multiple

99. Have you ever passed out from drinking? only once

100. Are you friends with people on facebook that you actually hate? nope, I defriend anyone who’s posts I dont like

101. Have you ever had a pregnancy scare? once

102. Name your favorite Kesha song: n/a

103. Do you have any tan lines right now? ok listen im pale as hell

104. Would you ever wear cowboy boots with shorts? no tf