#i fucking love this actors face. not in a weird way in like an artist way yknow

[karamazovanon]

a collection of the live action raskolnikov from this post :D i thought this version was SO visually interesting so i did a bunch of redraws of stills (most of which aren't in that post oops, thank you @rknchan for sending them!!! <3)

[pretty-little-mind33]

Tom Ryder x fem!reader

Summary: You're Tom's makeup artist for a movie he's shooting and you absolutely hate him. However, one round of karaoke later, your feelings temporarily shift.

Genre: Fluff, smidge of angst, Enemies to Lovers (very one-sided lmao)

Warnings: Tom is a stupid asshole (but he's also just a mess), swearing, reader is described as shorter than Tom, light misogyny, slapping, alcohol, being drunk/high.

TOM RYDER MASTERLIST

The bar is dimly lit and the loud music resounds in your ear as your knee bounces. You stir the straw around your drink, sighing as you turn to Vanessa, your co-worker. "He left me another post-it note on the desk yesterday telling me he wants a new lip oil because his now tastes weird!? His last one is only from last week and it's the same brand he always uses! I'm so sick of his bullshit, V," you drop your head in your arms and then peek up at Vanessa again, "He's such a dick."

Vanessa laughs, sipping on her margarita, as she shrugs, "Didn't you know that when you took the job, honey?"

"I mean, sure. But those could have been rumors," you pout and sit up, moving some hair behind your ear as you look around the room, where other crew members have gathered around the karaoke machine.

"Listen, don't think about Tom Ryder. You're off the clock and everyone knows he's a world-class asshole—a pretty world-class asshole, I will let him have that," Vanessa hums and also turns her attention to the rest of your friends and co-workers as she claps her hands. 

You look down at your drink, your cheeks feeling warmer than usual. Not thinking about Tom Ryder was easier said than done when you had to work on his face 5 days a week. He was so infuriating most times, either talking down to you when you worked or wouldn't cooperate with anything you told him to do because he was on his phone. Sometimes he really makes you want to stab the mascara stick into his eye. 

Still, you can't deny he's extremely handsome and that just annoys you more. 

Suddenly, you hear a bunch of cheers and hoots from outside, directly accompanied by the sound of the door slamming open. When you hear an all too familiar voice, your eyes widen and you snap around to make sure you hadn't just imagined it. 

Tom Ryder coming to one of the crew parties? No fucking way. Obviously, he's always invited to them but in a very arrogant fashion he never shows up—which is one of the reasons you do, because he never does. 

Only this time he did and he's not alone. 

Tom is dressed in another one of his boisterous outfits, his shirt loosely unbuttoned to reveal his chest and a peak of his toned abs. Pink-tinted sunglasses sit on his nose and his dirty blond hair curls messily around his face.

He looks drunk, or high, when he walks in and you can't tell which one it is because he's constantly moving and laughing. He's accompanied by a few other low A-list actor friends he has and a pretty blond model hangs on his arm, her giggles instantly infuriating you. 

How can she stand to be near him for more than a minute? Even less hold his arm and be his eye-candy? 

You turn back around, desperately attempting to calm the bile rising in your throat. God, you hate him. You feel even worse when he leans beside you at the bar and orders a drink from the bartender, snapping his fingers as he does. He doesn't even address your presence beside him and your blood boils. 

Your anger immediately turns to disgust when you hear the man hosting the karaoke scream out Tom Ryder's name.

"Tom Ryder everyone! I loved your new movie, man, it was awesome! How about a song?" the man asks, eyebrows wiggling as the crew clap (mostly out of politeness) and his friends make loud, drunken noises like a bunch of animals. 

"C'mon! One song—for all the pretty ladies in the crowd!"

Tom seems intrigued when the man mentions the girls. You roll your eyes and your hand tightens around your glass as he walks up to the host, raising his hands in surrender and feigning humbleness. "Alright, alright, I have to give the ladies what they want, don't I?" Tom boasts, winking at one of the camera girls he never looks at otherwise. 

Someone put you out of your misery now.

The host seems ecstatic to have someone this famous next to him and asks Tom for a quick photo, which Tom obviously doesn't turn down. You pretend to gag when Vanessa turns to look at you and smirks at Tom's behavior.. 

"How about a duet, Ryder?" The host asks as he hands him the mic. 

"Nah, I usually sing solo," Tom says, his words slightly slurred, and then he leans in to whisper something in the host's ear—which probably goes something like, "Unless she's got a nice rack, then by all means invite her up here." 

You lean in and whisper into Vanessa's ear, "Ten bucks he takes home the girl he ends up singing with," you say with a frown, your voice a little strained. Vanessa laughs and then the worst thing happens.

"You," the host shouts and you look up alarmed. Your eyes are wide when you realize everyone, including Tom, is staring at you. "The angry-looking girl in the back. Why don't you come up and join him? I doubt he'd bite." 

Laughter, including some nervous ones from your friends, resounds around the room as Tom's smirk widens. You'd be surprised, you think. You find your voice again and say, "Um, can't you ask one of them?" you point to the group of eager fangirls swarming around the small stage as they ogle Tom. 

"C'mon, sweetheart," Tom slurs, squinting at you, "One song won't kill you." 

But you might just kill him.

Vanessa, the traitor, nudges you again and you stumble from the stool. You glare at her but when all your friends, including Tom's more obnoxious friends, chant encouragements you feel completely trapped. 

The walk to the small stage feels eerily similar to a walk of shame as you look to your co-workers in hopes someone will save you. No one does and you ignore the stares from all the girls who wish they could take your place. 

You're blinded by the lights as you step on the stage and approach the host. "Atta girl," the man smirks patronizingly as he hands you the second mic. You scrunch your nose at him and then look up at Tom, expecting him to be ignoring you like he usually is, but instead, he's staring. 

His cheeks are pink from being intoxicated and he tilts his head, watching you clutch the mic nervously. 

The host doesn't warn you when the song begins to play and he walks away. You realize too late you and Tom are now alone and everyone is watching you as dread slowly fills your stomach. 

You don't even know how to sing! This is so humiliating. 

 The familiar melody of, "Don't Go Breaking My Heart," fills the air and you feel the heat rise in your chest and up to your ears. Your heart is pounding so loudly you can only faintly hear Tom start to sing the song. He sounds fairly good and you aren't surprised considering he's an actor. 

Your voice catches in your throat and you feel tears rise. You don't sing when it's your turn and the crowd is silent. 

Suddenly, you jump when you feel a strong hand on your hip and you snap your head around to look at him. Your hand finds Tom's hand immediately, gripping it, and just as you're about to pull it away, he leans in and whispers, hot against your ear, "Baby doll, you're making me look bad," he states, his tone as condescending as it always is, and your heart does a somersault in your chest.

He looks down at you this time, his blue eyes lock with yours for a moment and his hand falters on your hip. For an actor, Tom Ryder has surprisingly no poker face because when he sees your distressed state, his demeanor shifts, and instead of frustration, he takes on a different approach.   

He takes your hand, suddenly twirling you around and you make a small sound as you stumble. It's been a few seconds since anyone has sung the song, so he sings again and this time, his eyes stay on yours as he sings your lyrics.

"You know this," he mouths, encouraging you as he does this weird, clearly drunk-induced shimmy that makes you laugh despite your better judgment. He points to the small screen where the lyrics are displayed.

You take a breath and then sing, focusing on him instead of the crowd and your head feels light. You would have never guessed there would be a day when you'd find comfort in Tom Ryder. Your friends clap with amusement and laughter swirls around the bar as you both continue to sing and dance. 

Occasionally, Tom will pull you in closer but you'll move away, flustered, and when the song finally ends, you move back and almost trip on the mic's cord. 

With a gasp, you expect to fall flat on your ass but instead, Tom wraps his arm around your waist and pulls you into him as your palms press on his chest. You're breathing heavily and so is he, his hand is still on your back as his eyes roam over all your features until you push him away and walk down the small stairs and back to the ground where all your friends are whispering and clapping. 

You feel like you can't breathe, your heart beating so quickly. You mumble a quick "excuse me" to Vanessa, snatch your purse from the bar counter, and open the door to outside. The cool air calms your burning skin and you lean against the building. 

What the fuck was that? Why was he looking at you like that? 

"You know, it's normal to be nervous around someone like me," Tom's voice interrupts your panic and you spin around, not expecting to see him. "But running from me? Now, darling, that's truly a first," he finishes with a chuckle and an obnoxious smirk. 

"You're so full of yourself," you whisper automatically but then your eyes round as if you've realized what you'd said. 

Tom looks surprised but he also remains cool as he strokes a hand down his jaw and puts it on his hip. "Mm, I assume you're not a fan then." 

You cross your arms and look anywhere but directly at him because fuck, why did someone so incredibly stupid and pretentious have to be so darn hot? "You could say that, sure," you shrug. "Not everyone likes you, Tom Ryder." You shut yourself up as soon as the words leave your mouth. This isn't exactly something you should say to someone who you work with.

However, Tom's expression sours and he lifts his eyebrow. "You don't like me?"

You turn to him, eyes locking with him this time. "That isn't what I said."

Tom's eyebrows crease and he squints at you, removing his stupid sunglasses and they push back his blond hair. "You're confusing me." He sounds genuine. 

You can't help but chuckle at his idiocy and surprisingly for you, your laughter makes him smile. He leans in and you lean away, eyes round when you realize how close he's becoming. "You have such a sexy laugh," he says cockily, "Bet I can make you do it again."

You hate to admit this but your heart does flutter at his words. Can anyone really blame you? It's Tom. Fucking. Ryder. You try to remind yourself how much of a dick he is—and always has been—but as you look into the blue of his eyes, his reassuring touch burns imprints on your skin and you feel dizzy. 

Shit. 

"You look familiar," Tom straightens himself, "Have I seen you somewhere? You been in any magazines? You certainly have the look."

You ignore the so-called complement and stare at him. He has to be kidding. You've been doing his makeup for over six months now and he supposedly sees you almost every day. You worked on his face every single day—how could he not recognize you? You open your mouth to ask if this is a joke but he interrupts you.

"Seriously, I must know you from somewhere. Gimme a hint, baby,"

Your stomach sinks and you feel so so stupid. Tom doesn't sense your shift as he's still focused on whatever fleeting emotion may have been between you before as his hand finds your hip. 

Instantly, your palm connects with his cheek, and the sound cracks into the air. "Don't touch me," you say harshly, ignoring how shaky your voice is.

Tom looks at you, his hand over his bruised cheek, "You hit me?!" he says in disbelief, "What the fu—" 

You don't stick around to hear his whining as you turn around and run from him. 

Again. 

"Hey–wait!" you hear Tom's shout but why would you turn around now? Tears of frustration brim your eyes as you hastily walk down the empty sidewalk.

There is no way you're fucking crying over Tom fucking Ryder right now, you tell yourself and pinch the inside of your eyes. 

No way. 

You ignore Vanessa's incessant calling and her worried texts when you arrive at your apartment. You scream in frustration, throwing your heels across the room and scaring your poor cat, Pumpkin, as she sprints into the living room, her claws against the floorboards.

Quickly, you follow her and scoop her into your arms, "'M sorry, baby," you coo and nuzzle your nose into her fur. "I'm sorry Mommy scared you."

You hear Vanessa's fifth call from your purse but you're too exhausted to deal with her and the fallout from what had happened tonight, so instead you sit on the couch and cuddle with Pumpkin, scratching behind her ears. 

* * * 

When you pull into the parking lot of the new set the next morning, you haven't slept well and you feel like shit—it doesn't help that they're filming outside today, in the summer heat, and grainy sand infiltrates into your Converse. 

You groan as you walk over to the makeup trailer and see Vanessa waiting for you. You almost called in sick this morning until you realized how guilty that would make you look, so you sucked it up. 

"Y/n?!" Vanessa shrieks and pulls you behind the trailer. "Where have you been?! I've called you a hundred times, why haven't you answered any of them? I was worried Ryder somehow took you home and that I'd lost 10 bucks—" 

"Gross, why would you think that?" you say with disgust as if you weren't surprised to hear that after you left Tom hadn't returned to the bar. 

"I mean, for one, Ryder was missing and no one knew where he went. And second, are you shitting me? Girl, the tension was more than palpable! You were practically dry-humping Tom Ryder in front of everyone!" 

You feel like someone has just punched you in the stomach and your voice comes out high and nervous when you exclaim, "I was not! It wasn't like that, V! Is that what everyone thinks?" Vanessa nods as an answer and you want to scream. 

"I swear, I- nothing happened—even outside—I- funny story I slapped him because he's a jerk and I- I don't like him!" you ramble and your heart thumps quicker when Vanessa looks behind you and her mouth curls into a devious smirk.

"Don't look now, sweetie, but your boyfriend just arrived," she pauses and checks her watch, "An hour late. As usual." Vanessa looks you dead in the eyes and then she teases, "Chop chop, time to put makeup on your man." 

Your eyes widen and you pull Vanessa further behind the trailer so Tom won't see you or her. You hold her shoulders. "Please switch with me for today. He won't even notice the difference, and Allie doesn't need to have her makeup done until noon so that way I don't have to see him! Please, V, I'll do anything!" 

Vanessa crosses her arms, "Nothing happened with him, hm?"

You look at her, your eyes round and pleading, "Please."

"Fine, but you're paying for my lunch later," she says and taps your nose, "and giving me a detailed rundown on what happened with Ryder."

You nod reluctantly, whispering a small thank you under your breath as she turns to walk into the makeup trailer behind Tom. You let out a breath, leaning against the trailer. You know you'll have to face him at some point—just not now.

The day drags on and on as the heat is becoming almost unbearable. You stand to the side, your makeup kit secured to your hip as you watch the scene from under a tent. It's another action sequence and it's very obvious Tom's makeup is fading from the warmth and his sweat. 

Shit, you realize, he needs a touch-up. Vanessa didn't use the correct primer. 

You look around, hoping to see Vanessa and tell her Ryder needs a touch but the director's voice cuts in and you tense, "Cut! Someone come to fix his face!" Jody turns to you, her eyes kind as her voice becomes a little less stressed when she sees you're prepared for this, "Can you fix his makeup?" 

Shit, shit, shit. 

This is your job, you can't say no so you walk out onto the set where Tom is leaning against a prop rock. He straightens himself and when he turns, he doesn't have the chance to process your presence as you guide him down and fumble with your kit. 

He's taller than you so he's leaning down so you can fix him up properly. You put your hand on his jaw, near his ear, to steady him as you touch up under his eyes and near his cheekbones. 

He's staring at you and you know he recognizes you this time, his blue eyes wide and puppy-like. 

Silently, you add some powder on his cheeks and nose so the product sticks better this time and when you let him go, Tom opens his mouth to speak, but you shake your head no, and then you turn your head and hurry back behind the camera. 

Your ears are burning from embarrassment as you walk directly to the makeup trailer, without looking back at anyone. 

You've barely closed the door when it slams open and you scream. You spin around just as someone tries to hold onto your arm and on instinct you grab the hairspray that's in your kit and spray it directly into… Tom's eyes. 

He screams too, his voice high-pitched and very un-sexy, as he clutches his eyes. Seeing him only causes you to scream again. "Ryder?!" you exclaim and immediately take his arm, pulling him inside the trailer as he wails like a child and rubs at his eyes. 

You slap his hands away and push him down under the faucet, pouring water into his eyes and in the process drenching his blond hair and ruining his mascara. 

"Fuck," he groans as he sputters out water as he jerks away from you. You move closer to him and without thinking hold both of his cheeks in your hands, looking directly into his, now slightly irritated, eyes. 

"Does it hurt?" you whisper, clearly concerned. 

Tom rests his hands on yours and pulls them away, "What do you think?" he groans and blinks a few times. "You're the girl—" he mutters and pinches his nose, "at karaoke. I remember you now."

You realize how close you are to him now and, overwhelmed, you step back. "Lucky me," you mumble sarcastically and take his arm, pulling him to one of the seats. "I have to fix your face again or someone is gonna fire me." 

He's weirdly docile as he looks at your work as you dry his hair. Once you're done, he speaks up, "Why'd you run from me? I mean, c'mon, the way you looked at me with those fuck-me eyes—" 

Tom has no shame and of course, he wouldn't. He's probably never really been rejected in his entire life and women have most likely let him speak to them like this. You pause and pull his chin harder so he's looking at you as you continue with his mascara. 

"Tell me honestly Ryder, do you even hear yourself when you speak?" you ask, your voice strained. 

"What?" Tom asks, sounding genuinely confused. 

"You're an asshole. That's why I ran from you." You drop his chin and your word vomit comes out without you being able to help it as you cross your arms, "I mean—I have been doing your makeup for months! And you've only ever left me your stupid post-it notes when you have a demand! No "Hi," "Good morning," "How are you?" No. Nothing like that. And I tried! I really tried in the beginning because like everyone else on this fucked up planet I thought you were awesome."

Tom opens his mouth to make a snide comment but you instantly press your finger to his lips. 

"I really thought, "I'm so lucky to be Tom Ryder's makeup artist!" and then I found out Tom Ryder is a shit person that doesn't—"  

"I'm not a shit person," Tom deadpans and stares at you as if your words have hurt him. 

You tilt your head and drop your arms to your side. You don't even know what to say to him anymore. 

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry I made you feel shitty, okay?" Tom defends and his cheeks are pink, "I just—I am really bad with faces—and I-I was completely shit-faced and high on–" 

He pauses, stands, and wraps his hand around your jaw, his thumb stroking your bare cheek as your eyes widen and you tense. Something about his charm makes it impossible for you to move and because his touch is gentle, you aren't too worried. For now. "'M sorry. I am. Can't we call it even since you hit me and sprayed me in the face with whatever that fucking was?!"

He continues, "—listen, I liked karaoke with you and I was shit-faced so I know I must have been a dick."

"You're always a dick, Ryder," you comment, your tone less mad than earlier.   

"Then, you don't know me very well," Tom shrugs, "or like at all." 

"So—you're saying all this dick-ishness is a persona?" You sound very skeptical and Tom just shrugs as his thumb strokes over your skin once more and then he drops his hand, putting some distance between you and him. 

"No. Not entirely. But, you know, that doesn't mean I'm incapable of genuine feelings, Y/n."

You're surprised when you hear your name fall from his lips. Tom sees your expression and another one of his smirks curls at his lips, "As I said, I remember you now. Always did—my hot makeup artist—ask anyone—ask Gail, I mention you a lot. I was just hammered, you know? High out my mind—and it heightened all my fucking senses that I couldn't get your laugh out my head for hours." 

"If you're joking," you say and glare at him, "it isn't funny." 

Tom puts a hand on his heart dramatically, "'M not. Scouts fucking honor." 

You look at him and for once, you can't read him. "Well, either way, that doesn't change how much of an asshole you've been to me. You never said "hi" but you told Gail about me? Sorry, but that doesn't impress me."

You walk up to him and tilt his head using his chin, examining his make-up once more, and then you take his arm and try to pull him out of the trailer, "Now, c'mon, you have a job to do—go do it," you hiss.

"But—" 

"No," you start but he won't move. He turns around and stares at you. Fuck, he's strong. "Why won't you leave?" you ask, breathless as you step away from him. 

"Do you hate me so much that you won't even consider that I genuinely find you interesting?" he asks with a hint of insecurity in his voice again. "That I liked spending time with you and I think you're pretty."  

Your chest tightens and you sigh, "I- I don't know," you admit and you look up at him. You can't deny that your feelings have shifted and a little voice in your head screams that this is a trap and he'll eventually break your heart. 

"Here," Tom fumbles with the pants of his costume and pulls out a pen and a post-it note. 

"You seriously just carry those on you?" you crack a smile, finding that weirdly endearing. 

Idiot. 

"Yeah," Tom says like it's the most normal thing ever and then he writes down something on the paper. When he hands it to you it's the name of a restaurant. You frown, it's your favorite restaurant. He'd written a time beside the name. 

"How do you know this is my favorite restaurant?" you ask. 

Tom looks up, his smirk turning into a smile. "I didn't—it's mine."

Your frown deepens, "Hm, I didn't take you for a low-priced family-run Chinese restaurant kinda guy—don't you have a personal chef or something," you say and look at the time he's written down, "What is this anyway?" 

Tom shrugs and adjusts his hair. "I do but I like this place. The family who owns it never tells anyone I've been there, it gives me some privacy," he sounds serious and he walks closer to you, "Don't tell anyone, it might ruin my reputation and then your favorite restaurant might be swarmed by a bunch of fangirls," he smirks, pleased with himself. 

You can't help but chuckle. 

"And this," he points to the time, "is where I'll be tomorrow evening if you'd like to join me," he says nonchalantly and then opens the trailer door. Just as he does, he takes his phone and takes a picture of the time so he remembers it and he sends you a wink. "I won't wait long but if you do come, it's on me." 

You stare at the paper and realize Tom Ryder has just asked you on a date. You look up but he's gone and your heart does about ten thousand summersaults as your brain screams in agony. Your cheeks feel warm as you fold the paper up and put it in the pocket of your jeans. 

You're so very screwed.

You hear a ding and then a text from Vanessa saying, "Ryder's mic was on—crew heard absolutely everything—we didn't wanna interrupt your moment," she adds a mocking winking emoji but you don't care. 

That's the least of your worries now that you have a date with Tom Ryder.

[lurkingshan]

10 Things I Love About Only Boo!

*kicks down the door* I'm a few weeks late but I have arrived and I am here to yell about this fucking adorable show. Have you heard that it's the cutest shit you've ever seen in a fresh new package of all your favorite silly old romance tropes? Besties, this is truly the Sunday Serotonin we need. Here are the top 10 things I love about it:

The main romance is between a confident sunshine protagonist and a kind older boy working through his grief and an artistic block. Mok (Moo) and Kang are such nice boys, two cinnamon rolls too sweet and pure for this world, and I loved them instantly. They have a nice crackly chemistry between them and really solid communication right from the start.

The setting is rural and refreshing. Moo moves to Nakhom Pathom to attend school for a semester because his mom wants him to focus on his studies before she will allow him to pursue a career as an idol. Little did she know she was delivering him to a cute boy who would become the new distraction.

The crushing and flirting starts immediately, and it's mutual. They just like each other, man. Kang is (slightly) older and trying to be responsible about keeping Moo focused on his studies so he's putting up some token resistance, but it's very very token. They both find excuses to keep seeing each other after they meet.

There's a side couple with a long-term pining friends to lovers arc. The way I squealed when they revealed that photo wall. I support you, Payos, you will get your boo. These two also have a lovely, easy chemistry and seem so comfortable around each other. Their characterization also gets a fun twist in the beginning of the story.

The writing is strong and assured. This was written by the same screenwriting team as Cooking Crush, aka the best written original Thai bl of last season. These folks know their way around a smart romcom. They know how to deploy classic tropes so they feel fresh, build authentic character arcs, and make all the beats of the story feel confident. We are in good hands and don't need to worry about any out of left field conflicts or weird plot turns with this one.

A fresh new cast brings a ton of energy. I really love all four of the main actors for this show. They're young and bright and breathing some new life into an old formula. And both pairs have solid chemistry and seem comfortable in their scenes together.

Some of our old favorites are here too. They've made the smart decision to bolster the young main cast by surrounding them with more experienced seniors like our lady Milk, here playing Kang's friend and neighbor who is all up in his crush on Moo. Louis and Book are also going to show up at some point.

The show incorporates music and dancing in such a charming way. Moo is one of those kids who just has to dance, and the show mines a lot of comedy around his efforts to stifle the impulse as his mom ordered. I don't think he'll hold out for long, though, because Payos and Tae are on him to train with them. And of course the music supervisor is having a great time working in some classic GMMTV music gags (yes, Love Score and Too Cute To Handle both make memorable appearances).

It's a high school story brimming with youthful energy without being mired in immaturity. The tone of this show reminds me of My School President in the best way, in that it has all the sweetness and innocence of a high school romance without making the characters so immature and bad at communication that it's annoying to watch. As expected from the CC writers, these characters may be inexperienced but they are going to talk to each other and honesty will prevail every time.

We are only three episodes in and the romance is already well underway. This is the kind of show where we will see the main pair flirt and date and face obstacles together. The swoony moments started immediately and Moo is already throwing around the faen title. We know from the synopsis that the core conflict will come when Moo is forced to choose between his relationship with Kang and his dream of being an idol, and I expect he will be finding a way around that choice. I'll be strapped in for the ride because I already believe in these two.

[kitorin]

OUR SPRING

003. perfect

5:01 pm

"Fucking hell."

Normally, you'd have more shame, but given your current circumstances it was understandable for you to curse loudly in the middle of the hallway on your way home from the school library. All of this was so irritating, the rumours and all the attempted manipulation, both which, were from the exact same source; Kira Ryosuke.

It should be fine. That's what you've told yourself for a long time. But you've been corrected. Because rumour after rumour, it kept accumulating now it's consumed and become your school life, until your identity is once again established as one that only revolves around some guy who likes you.

"You better drop dead next time I see you."

"May I help you?" You pull yourself out of your livid trance, looking up from staring at your feet as you walk and realizing with horror that you say that right in front of someone else. What's even worse, is that you recognise who it was, possibly one of the worst people to unintentionally curse at. It's Chigiri Hyoma. Rising star of the jpop and jdrama industry, who also happens to be a member of one of your best friend's favourite band.

"I am so sorry. I swear it wasn't directed to you- A lot had been going on recently." You prayed, begging that he wasn't one of those celebrities who enjoyed tormenting regular people with their obsessive and toxic fanbases, or liked exploiting their fame to ruin others.

Despite being apprehensive of the social power he holds, Meguru was right every time he called Chigiri attractive. It was evident through photos, but they don't capture his beauty fully. There wasn't a blemish on his pale skin, his tied up hair seemed perfect, it was obvious people would die for his skin and hair care routine. Long eyelashes compliment soft features and his rose coloured eyes clouded with what seemed like concern.

Even though his features weren't inhumanely perfect or complied to the beauty standard to a T, everything just synergises together, curating his natural charm.

Visually, he embodies perfection.

"Ah I see. I understand." Just when you thought he couldn't look any better he smiles, teeth perfectly white and shiny, which were adorned with dimples. It made sense why he was an actor and idol, he pulls off school uniform and even makes it look fashionable, heck his school photo probably came out gorgeous too. "So, what happened?"

You were too busy admiring his visuals to realize you were going to reveal your current struggles to a total stranger. "Well it's just- wait, I don't even know you?"

"Neither do I. All the more better to open up to, no?"

He's kind of weird. No wonder why Meguru loves him so much.

Instead of addressing and responding to his statement, you take advantage of this opportunity, since he's always surrounded by fans. "Then, how do you deal with rumours? You're apart of that band egoism, right? You'd know a lot about this"

"Well. I'm not apart of the PR team, so I don't know the full details. But rumours don't have some sort of secret formula or trick to getting rid of them. Hence why most celebrities have a PR team."

If only you had one too.

"Are you the one everyone assumes is dating Kira? I'm guessing you're referring to all the gossip related to you too." Chigiri continues, seeming genuinely curious regarding your situation.

You nod, and barely process being dragged into a janitor's closet by him, the complete shock taking too long to register.

"Oi Chigiri, what're you doing?" Ending up in a janitor's closet with one of the most popular artists of your age was not expected.

"Dating rumours, you say?" He breaths out, dismissing your question, a chuckle soon rises in his throat. "We're not too different, no? I have the perfect solution for you."

"Which is?" Once again, he ignores your questions, slowly coming closer towards you, face close in proximity to yours.

"Date me."

TWO | FOUR | MASTERLIST

PAIRING. chigiri hyoma x reader

SYNOPSIS. school gets overwhelming with constant rumours and accusations, thankfully someone is willing to help. but what happens when this mutually beneficial agreement escalates into something more?

GENRE. social media au, fake dating, idol / actor au

TAGLIST. @izzylovestnbhd, @angelchigiri, @punkhazardlaw, @silly-ez, @y-sabell-a

© kitorin : do not repost, plagiarize, change, or translate

[pathfinderswiftpen]

Re: Sharpe's Sword

Having read the book, I can see how the writers incorporated major aspects of it. But I have to say that Cornwell did it better.

Spoilers below

I enjoyed:

Simmerson's return from the villain vault and ambiguous end. Though making him an actual traitor felt too cliché. People can suck and still be loyal.

Weird death room and oddball who oversaw it inclusion from the book

How they adapted the Leroux to tv, even though it was very different. The subplot with Jack was So Good Ouch. And the way Sharpe handled the betrayal was so tactful. And the ACTING in that role! "El muchacho de los ojos tristes" goddamn. And his knowing Leroux and having to pretend ignorance for Honor's Sake? For his life's sake? Good Soup!

Harris. Harris. Spends all night reading. Looks surprised to see dawn. Small "oh shit oh well" face journey. Extinguishing candles. Big fucking same, Harris. I could make an entire post on how alike I feel (and look, fr fr) to Harris (Hey Harris I like your gender, wanna trade? I saw @chiropteracupola 's hc about transfem!Harris and now she lives rent free in my head. Riflewoman Harris can have 85% of my dresses and jewelry. And free access to all of my books of course) BUT ALSO Harris's handling of Simmerson and quoting Candide at him? *Chefs Kiss*

HAGMAN! "Permission to speak sir? Best paper and paraffin oil. For your wound, sir." Excellent callback to ep1. And his singing to all the little kids!

Harper <3 One of the best things in the book is how Harper made Sharpe a new sword, and while it was a bit different this way, he still put in Effort. Plus the priest's trick at the end was a bit funny. If cheap. Plus his face at "Good! You'll serve mass Sunday" (took me a hot second to figure it out but imagining Harper in one of those white robes was a bit amusing). Sharpe and Harper arguing about washing the tunics. LOL but also get over yourselves

Ramona standing up for herself! And Harper's caring about how she'd be treated in Ireland. I just love Ramona (Also one of the very few attractive people in the entire show. I said what I said.)

Unnamed Woman making Simmerson fear for his life and leading him by the literal nose! Goddamn! Weaponize the patronization and infantilization! Sharpe's respecting of her.

Artist dude drawing at dinner. Relate. also a red herring for El mirador, if downplayed

BAGPIPES BAGPIPES BAGPIPES but also dude you have a practice chanter for a fucking reason. The guy with earplugs 🤣

Leroux pulling a Stephen Maturin. His actor did well too, the Complete Switch in pretending to be a Poor Captain vs Defiant Colonel

DUELS!! It was fun watching Fr Whatshisface rip Simmerson to shreds. Also I want to (ohgod I'm aware how this can sound) handle his blade. Spanish fencing swords mwah. Also Sharpe and Leroux visibly getting less abled, Sharpe having to stop in the middle of the charge *hugs* as a disabled person who loves a good charge and fight but just Can't or if I do I nap and feel like shit for hours

Disliked:

Portrayal of women. I don't need to get into it. There's So Much.

Watching duels choreographed for a screen is really painful as a former fencer. "You are both WAY TOO FUCKING CLOSE!! Don't parry that, DISENGAGE!"

I'll be silly and mention the chartreuse jackets XD (I just don't like them)

SO MUCH of the book was ANGST about Sharpe's condition and it did exist here but not as viscerally. Give me Harper as a nursemaid. I'm begging you. I know we've had it but I want more. "There once was a lassie from Lisbon, from Lisbon..."

There was more but life's too short!

Overall I think this one is in the rewatch pile.

P.S. the Priest's singing. My poor ears. Though Sharpe's Tears (ha-ha) I did love that bit.

If you read this far, I am shaking you by the hand and offering to share my tea.

[violet-coyote]

My thoughts on Edward because idk I’ve got that type of autism ._.

Watching him the first time was actually so amazing. He reminds me of a slasher because how scary and foreboding he is in a lot of those scenes. And don’t even get me STARTED on the lighting! That scene in Arkham where only one eye is illuminated, the way the clear glasses reflect light- it’s all completely amazing. I also really love the home brew look and aspects. It makes him feel so much more real which in turn makes him scarier! And lemme be real for a sec… I kinda… maaaaaayybe agreed with him a little bit. Only a little cause he killed a bunch of civilians (obviously). He really does bring up a relevant, very real issue with a crazy amount of important officials. Also- he basically wins! The Batman didn’t figure things out in time and the plan completely went off. The shooting was a little iffy, but even then his plan WORKED. My dad jokes about this Batman being a terrible detective which I think I may agree with, though that just gives him more space to grow as a character. Maybe Edward didn’t get recognized in the end, but he did essentially win that movie which is such a fresh take for Batman and I love Matt Reeves.

Paul Dano is also just a really amazing actor and I am SO glad he was cast and is now getting bigger roles cause he totally deserves it. And I don’t know how to describe it, but I can’t imagine Edward with anyone else’s face, y’know? It’s like round and unassuming and like soft. But then he’s the main, crazy antagonist. That reveal of him being this weird little guy was actually hilarious and a bit chilling at the same time. Paul also just really deeply understands the characters he plays which is shown in his writing for the comics.

Now, the COMICS! I know people hate on it and I know it’s partially deserved, but Steven Subick was a really good pick for the artist. The muted tones, messy panels- It’s grimy and messy and perfect for the ~vibes~ I imagine Edward has. It’s also really good at reflecting the sort of rot and disease in his mind. Absolutely amazing- though I think Dave Mckean would’ve been even better.

The story and mind that Paul Dano shows is so interesting. It shows his complex motivations and how he got to the point where he’d literally flood an entire city. The issue about his childhood is chilling and sympathetic. I love a sympathetic villain. It also really sets up a lot of themes for his character like drowning the rat and his love of chemistry and puzzles. The 5th issue was a fantastic stylistic choice with so many interesting details and elements. It also has some really funny (if not dark) moments. In that 6th issue, he is SO BADASS WTF? He gets a guy chomped in half by a fucking saltwater crocodile (which it’s so big that must be the species)! Then he fucks with his own boss so hard he hangs himself like OMG?? And he saves that lady! That might be one of the most pivotal moments just because it shows that he does have good in him. And yeah some of those final panels are goofy as hell, but cope ig. I really loved the comic and looked forward to it each month once I discovered it.

Also, although it’s never outright stated, it’s very VERY clearly implied that he’s autistic. He starts talking later, is very smart otherwise, has trouble with social skills, and literally gets called “Rain man” by his coworker. I feel like making the Riddler allistic would be completely stupid. At his base, hes a guy who likes riddles and puzzles (usually to an obsessive degree), and feels the need to prove his intelligence to those around him. That screams neurodivergency! Like bro I get it fr.

I also like the short novel, even though it is simple and made for a younger audience. It’s interesting to see a teenage Edward Nashton (Edweird 😭) delivering food on his ratty old bike. It also mentions that he’s pretty bad in school which I would definitely not have guessed considering his whole thing is being super fuckin smart. And I absolutely LOVE how he burns down the orphanage. It’s a huge character moment and tbh just makes me very happy cause it shows us one of his first crimes which is fun.

For Batman ll, I’m really interested to see where that takes his character. Paul Dano already said he would reprise the role for it so he will be in there- even if only for a short while. They clearly set something up between him and the Joker. Now I’m very curious how that will turn out. On one hand, I can see him being manipulated by the Joker for his own selfish gain and ending up as another rat in the gutter. But that writing also wouldn’t really makes sense for the character. The Riddler’s point in the rogues gallery is to reflect his intelligence. He’s often shown as being even smarter! The only thing that gets him is the obsession with leaving little puzzles and games that inevitably lead to his arrest. Obviously though, Reeves has his own spin on basically everything so this might not be the case with this iteration. Basically, I don’t know where Matt Reeves is gonna take this character. I HOPE and PRAY that with Paul Dano beside him they will do him justice, but only time will tell. I’ll probably be off the grid by the time the movie comes out but I’ll make sure to pop by a theatre just for that lol.

TL;DR- I love my blorbo

-small rant regarding the fandom-

I hate hate HATE how people make him a twink! NO! Have you seen Paul Dano? That man has the DEFINITION of a dad bod. Obviously they can be different, but they literally almost share a BIRTHDAY. That man is NOT A TWINK. He’s not skinny. He is a weird, stinky accountant that sits in his house most of the time. And if you like the character, why would you want to change that? If you change that part of him, he’s a COMPLETELY different character. You can’t make him a twink without destroying his characterization in the process.

Also, I’m a riddlebat hater

-rant over-

[superdeluxeaverage]

I thimk megalopolis was one of the most shitass movies ive ever seen but im glad i saw it in theatres and am gonna see it again with my sister thursday like the best way to describe it would be that it feels like a bad adapatation of a book that doesnt exist there was so much straight up stupid moments in it it felt like unreal spoilers if any1 even gives a shit

Theres this scene where adam drivers gets shot but his face heals with the power of the megalon and he has his face in wraps and when he takes his wraps off and reveals his healing face it plays THE most generic indian and tabla musical cue that in no way matches with the rest of the soundtrack and puts this fucking snapchat ass filter where theres like doubles of him behind him to his left and right infinitely going abd i was like is this fuckinh chowder or some shit. Ill never say the movie was good tho cause theres something i see no one talking abt atleast on letterboxd presumably cause they love deepthroating autuer dick so much even (or especially) when they kno the auteur in question is a creep but there was this weird subplot where there was this pop star with a like "virgin teen" image and they leaked a sex tape of her and the main character so the main character was arrested for being a pedophile but then it was immediately after revealed that the tape was faked (?) (They never say how they just say it was faked) and that the pop star was actually not from america abd was in her 20s. This whole subplot is obv coppola trying to exonerate all his sex offender best friends and its such a gross kneejerk response like why say the tape was fake but then also say oh shes a bad person dishonest liar too lol. Then when its showing news reports of it it cuts to her lile having changed her image to a like pop punk image and making more sexually suggestive music instead of conservative clean music like b4 so its supposed to be like she just moved onto the next image unfazed cause shes a liar its such a cringe subplot and it happens in the span of like 15 mins and is never mentioned again and very clearly is just supposed to be a rebuttal to accusations and scandals sooo fkn embarrassing especially given the fact hes been trying to get this movie made his whole life LOL the two (yes 2) other women in the movie are also treated super sexistly like the main characters love interest has no personality aside from always standing behind her mans artistic vision and passion and "completing" him then the aubrey plaza character is just supposed to be the sexy woman who sleeps with any1 for power like coppola def most sexist guy alive ever the fact he made that movie dedicated it to his wife at the end yup this man is going to hell. Probably the hardest movie to talk abt cause its not u kno deserving of praise the only frame of reference is camp rly like in that same ballpark not so bad its good but just a very wtf type of movie. Im also scared cause shia labeouf was in this doing a type of scary dennis hopper character (coppola even saying working with him reminded him of hopper) and obv this film flopped and is not gonna make any1 famous since even the acting was p bad from every1 or just v disconnected and unrelatable on a human level but watching this has me worried that labeouf is gonna thrive with piece of shit directors by using the dennis hopper/klaus kinski method of having ppl praise ur "energy" when its just that u only take roles where u play sadistic fucks cause ur a sadistic abusive fuck so ppl get convinced ur a great actor when ur not even acting.

[possessionisamyth]

went through ur resident evil tags, saw everything and felt for the fandom part big time

what was ur experience with it like? what could u possibly NOT like about it? pour ur heart out 🙏

Every old fandom that blows up suddenly with newcomers age ranged between preteens to young 20 somethings is going to be insufferable. You get the "fandom veterans" who've been in it since the first game dropped being "well actually" about every damn thing AND the newer fans deciding to change how the narrative functions to fit into what's currently popular and modern. It's why a lot of the infighting is occurring.

I'm a newer fan, but I am older than most of the fans that have recently gotten into RE these last few years so I'm in this weird spot. I've already stated in past posts I don't give a fuck what the directors or voice actors intended to do with the characters because if the game or movie doesn't show it, then they failed in executing their goals. Leon's VA can say whatever he wants about his Cleon intentions, but since their dialogue nor the execution of it didn't ring as romantic then guess what! It's not romantic! He just has a ship preference! The directors said Death Island was supposed to be Jill's comeback, but guess who gets most of the lines? Leon! Some comeback right? Guess who FAILED in executing their intentions so it doesn't count as canon. Those guys!

I also don't care about what information is found in old game faq magazines from the early 2000s that "prove" one backstory or another. Is it interesting to now how the fandom behaved when certain games and movies dropped and their responses to it? Yes! Is it cool to look at interviews from past VA's, face claims, mocap actors, directors, and writers to understand their inspiration when it comes to creating those stories? Absolutely! Is it fun to have this knowledge because you like the media and there's a lot of fan made stuff to sift through already? Of course! Are you an asshole when you start lauding any of this information as canon without being able to point out exactly where it happens in the game I'm playing or movie I'm watching?

Yes.

Yes, you're an asshole.

I've fumbled with my own takes and interpretations. Nobody's perfect. I get information wrong sometimes and end up doubling down when I should step away. We've all done it. Sometimes the block button hits you before you can apologize, and you just gotta live with it. I interpret things differently in and out of the moment. Everyone does. Why else would there be a whole subset of people who market Piers as this really important character for shipping reasons but then decide to magically absolve him of the very real and dangerous power he had over an amnesiac Chris in RE6? Why else would there be a lack of people giving Ethan the same smoke they give Mia for not viewing Eveline as a child but a thing that needed to be killed? Why else would there be people who treat Leon like a poorly written woman character by giving him a pussy and making him a crybaby bottom who needs to be babysat and comforted and gets pregnant by Chris or Krauser, but there's also strange lack of any trans woman narratives for him despite many artists or authors being trans themselves? Different interpretations is why! :) (Side note: I love trans man Leon narratives. Most of you do not write him the way he is once you've given him a pussy tho.)

I haven't left the fandom. Like with all of my media interests, after the initial boom where it consumes me is gone, I just go to my little corner and make things I like with the hope I run into a few people who also like it. I'm still in the tags looking for news updates, finding art that I like, and skimming past other people's perspectives on the story. I'm also going to the biohazard event in USJ either this month or next month.

I don't know if you wanted a vent post with like a numbered list of issues I have with the fandom. Since you've read through my RE stuff, you've probably seen me touch on all my issues with fanon in passing at least once or twice. If you're looking for something more specific, you'll have to clarify tho. Thanks for the message!

[forgiveness-in-the-misery]

Spoilers for Beetlejuice Beetlejuice

So the ending was genuinely the one thing that I hated because I have no fucking idea what or when the ending actually starts to be honest.

Considering at the wedding he says he loves a good dream sequence and then post wedding we get the trip to Europe, Astrid’s wedding, demon baby birth followed by Lydia waking up in bed with BJ who comments that he essentially had a similar dream but then she wakes up again in bed alone I have like a billion fucking questions.

Did the wedding scene even happen? Did the movie even happen? Has he just been so stuck in her mind since she was a teenager to the point she has detailed dreams involving him and ending up in another situation where she almost marries him again?

Usually weird shit is a sign of a dream but its a sequel to a movie about the afterlife made by Tim Burton so that can’t be used as a reference point at all.

Again the dream sequence comment is the only thing making me wonder how much of the movie was somebodys dream either Lydia’s or BJ’s.

I personally am incredibly rarely a fan of “it was a dream” because just like Deadpool turning back time in Deadpool 2 it makes a story feel like time wasted to find out none of it happened.

So yeah ending on either a short dream sequence or none of it happened at all annoys me.

But other than that I did love the movie like 98% of it honestly. I kinda think they could have recast Charles cause I have seen tons of dudes who look similar to his actor and Delia dying kind of sucked, I genuinely forgot Delores was even in the film since she just dropped off the face of the Earth soon after being introduced as the big bad since the Jeremy stuff become the biggest threat to anybody. I do feel Lydia and Rory was off maybe because we never saw Lydia date before so other than pill popping and trauma I don’t fully see how she would end up with a dude like him since she never seemed attracted to him or even liked him at all so its wild she still wanted to marry him because he’s nice?

I do fully agree she should have married Beetlejuice considering she’s a full ass adult now but also he was the only guy out of Richard and Rory she even had onscreen chemistry with for me, plus he just seems to genuinely care for her. And the wedding not happening felt super random like Astrid just saying it was illegal and couldn’t happen like Lydia seemed to have no feelings on it either way to be real here sooo yknow

But again the whole dream thing which brings the story back to complicated.

Luckily the movie is artistically done and fun to generally look at. Lydia as a mom and wife still feels weird to me since they’re roles that seem super out of place for me with her and I think she should have gotten with Beetlejuice because the film genuinely gave no reason at all for that to not happen.

He wasn’t even a villain in this movie which confuses me about Burton saying he’s a sleazy perv who never changes since he’s literally spent 30 years pining for the same woman and trying to contact her using the psychic link they have and spends the movie just doing shit that he hopes will make her happy and also just doing what she ask of him with no real strings attached. He has no motive or mention of wanting to be mortal this time or any evil ulterior motive he just dead ass wants to marry this woman he is insanely in love with.

….which means I have to write fics and rewatch Lisa Frankenstein if I wanna see a movie where a goth girl bangs a dead guy.

[iliiuan]

Babylon 5 S1E7 The War Prayer

In which we run into one of my favorite actors and enjoy some very cliche plotlines.

That's an intense episode name.

Delenn is giving homoerotic vibes with this performance artist. (Actually, Delenn gives erotic vibes with quite a few characters, doesn't she? Sinclair, her religious assistant, this performance artist...)

She got branded with the male/female sign. That's just weird. I hope she has an excellent plastic surgeon.

.....did Garibaldi destroy Susan's coffee plant?

A little Centauri family drama. Nice.

Digging into Susan's romantic past, I see. Eight years, eh?

Sounds like the Centauri elite are inbred assholes. Haha Londo hates his wife. Classic "I'm miserable, so you young people should be miserable, too."

OHMYGOD WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!?! Fucking Luitenant Tao. I love you.

Visiting the glowing orb again, I see. What is Kosh watching? Studying humanity, it looks like.

The doctor has seen the Vorlon neked. Very intriguing.

You're a bitter old man, Londo. And super gross.

Home Guard is so accurate.

Susan, crying herself to sleep? I'm not buying it.

I don't think she wants to be with you, dude. You're giving big stalker vibes.

Ah, young love. Deadly as always.

G'Kar, Narns aren't even being targeted. Are you behind the attacks, by chance? Wouldn't put it past you.

Oof. My boy took a beating there.

Malcolm is creepy.

Men always have to be assholes to women for dressing nice and having good hygiene. Maybe take a note and improve yourselves assholes.

Centauri Minbari philosophical face-off. I think the Minbari win that round.

Oh yeah. Malcolm is a bigot. Sorry, Ivonova.

Sinclair's going to take on the gang single-handed again, I see. Didn't he promise to stop doing that?

Londo, you were dancing two episodes ago. Stop lying to yourself.

Delenn sees through you, Sinclair.

Earth First. We'll strip-mine the other planets later.

Pinche Londo. You're way too excited about this. It was sweet of you to find a workaround for the young lovers, though.

Good luck with that. Assassinating those four takes more than some stealth suits and a half-baked plan. (If you were serious about assassinating them, you wouldn't have pre played your hand. You would have killed them first.)

What a horribly choreographed fight scene. I'm in love.

You should check for more cloaked people. They could have an observer ready to report back if anything goes wrong. (This is why I can't do crime. I'm too aware of all the things that can go wrong, but I don't have the resources to prevent said things from going wrong. Plus anxiety. Bad, bad anxiety.)

[trashbag-baby666]

Bighorn Mountainside-Luztoye

Chapter Seven

Chapter Summary: Joe and George have a movie date. Later on at Rosebuds Bill exposes Joe for an embarrassing memory.

WC: 2,030

C/W: Mentions of sexual content.

Series Masterlist!

Joe followed George into his bedroom looking around. It was interesting, he had pink curtains pulled back. You could see Babe's backyard from the window. He had dark blue bed sheets with his yellow and gray comforter tangled up at the end with tie dyed pillowcases. It was neat, not dirty, he had an assortment of books but what caught Joe off guard was the photos.

He had a photo collage next to his door frame around the wall of different movie heartthrobs and musical artists. It was very much obvious George liked the Hunger Games, he had multiple copies of each book on his shelf with all the movies too on the shelf under the books.

There was a movie poster from Catching Fire hung up by his bed. There was an abundance of pictures of Peeta, Finnick, Johanna, and Katniss in the photo collage with pictures of their actors and actresses too. Joe stifled a laugh to himself as there were some pictures of One Direction and some Harry Styles solo pictures.

"What?" George turned and saw Joe closely observing the wall, "You jealous?"

"No, just... didn't think you would be a One Direction guy?" Joe turned to look at George. He had a dead serious look on his face, his eyebrows straightened along with his lips.

"Oh I am a die hard Directoner, Joe. I saw them one time before they broke up. It was awesome! I've also seen Harry and Louis on their solo tours with their music." George crossed his arms.

"So where are the Twilight photos?" Joe laughed sitting on George's pink office chair.

"I read the books but I'm not the biggest fan of the movies. I mean Edward is kind of a creep. I mean they pretty much fucked over Jacob in the movies and also made him kinda weird towards the lochness monster." George explained to Joe, he had learned fast Joe was a die hard Twilight fan and he could admire a man with taste.

"True, the books are by far better. If I bring you Jasper and Charlie pictures will you put them up?" Joe crossed his arms sitting back.

"How'd you know about Charlie?!" George walked over with a smile. George loved Charlie almost as much as he loved Finnick and Peeta. Charlie was the original dilf, George says his interest in mustaches started there.

"Babe showed me your old edit account," Joe stifled a laugh standing up, "Didn't you say you wanted to watch a movie? We were just supposed to come up here to grab it."

"Right, but I told Babe not to show anyone. I'm not mad but just embarrassed." Georges cheeks turned bright red thinking of his edit account from middle school he was a little popular in The Hunger Games fandom.

"Well if you want a secret kept, definitely don't tell Babe," Joe nodded.

"Okay, do we want sad or scary?" George knelt down by the second to last shell with all his movies on it.

"How about sad," Joe hummed, "But no Fault In Our Stars or The Notebook. My sisters have made me watch them a thousand times over."

"Those are both excellent films and no I have the perfect one right here." George pulled out a DVD case with Sam Claflin and Emilia Clarke on it.

"So you gotta thing for Sam, not just Finnick?" Joe observed.

"Oh I am a Sam Claflin girlie all the way." George stood up leading Joe back downstairs. Joe sat on the gray couch as George set the movie up.

"What's it about?" Joe asked, George sat next to Joe snuggling up to him.

"It's a surprise," George wiggled next to Joe, throwing a blanket over them.

After the movie both of them sat on the couch crying, not that Joe was a very emotional guy when it came to movies but oh my god this movie hit him hard.

George giggled a bit and wiped his tears away with the collar of his shirt.

"That was such a beautiful movie," Joe laughed, rubbing his tears away.

"I told you! Sam is such an amazing actor! Makes me cry everytime!" George laughed sitting on his knees next to Joe.

"My parents won't be home for another hour if you wanna do...something?" George went to touch Joe's thigh and Joe grabbed his hand gently.

"I'm not really feeling it right now," Joe sighed. That's what started some of the weird things about physical touch which was completely fine with George at first. Not everyone liked being touched and that was perfectly fine.

"Sorry," George sighed, sitting down next to him.

"It's okay, George." Joe rubbed his eyebrows hoping that he didn't really ruin something.

Joe sat at the bar at Rosebuds as George made him a drink. The bell on the d0or rang and Joe turned. Bill laughed seeing Joe sitting there, "What're you doing here?"

"What do you think he's doing here," George giggled while sliding the cup of nitro cold brew coffee to Joe.

"Of course Mr. Right works here!" Bill sat down next to Joe, "Can I get a sweet iced tea?"

"This isn't a bar, go over there and I'll ring you up." George walked over to the register. Bill got up, handing George his card.

Joe took a drink as he watched them interact, George and Bill haven't really met officially yet but George was a talker. He could charm just about anyone, and it worked well on Joe.

George went into the back to start some more bread in the oven.

"I like him Joe, you picked a good one." Bill clapped his hand on his shoulder.

"Hold on now I'm not running off to the altar to marry him," Joe said, stopping Bill in his tracks. He didn't really know what George was looking for, sure they made it official a few days ago. But Joe knew that not a lot of people were dating seriously in high school. Maybe it was just a summer fling? Joe didn't wanna get ahead of himself but he could really imagine a life with him.

"Wouldn't be your worst idea," Bill chuckled.

"Bill, we're 17. I'm not trying to marry the first boy who gives me positive attention. I haven't even really told him about... you know?" Joe motioned to his right leg.

"If he really likes you, like he seems to and seems to be as kind and nice as he plays I'm sure he won't mind." Bill sighed, he'd known Joe forever, seen him through his worst and best of times. He just wanted Joe to be comfortable and happy as his best friend.

"Okay bread in the oven now," George came out from behind the doors making them both pick their heads up in a bit of a surprise, "Now Bills iced tea."

"Make sure it's sweeter than your Ma." Bill winked at him.

"Oh this is some of the best sweet tea I've ever had Bill, don't you worry." George smirked as he began filling a tall cup with ice.

Joe stifled a laugh hearing George just have a flirtatious attitude with Bill. George was able to really make a connection with anyone he came in contact with.

George slid the cup over to Bill and leaned on the counter resting his head on his hand, "Now tell me."

Bill took a big long drink then set it down, "goddamn you were right that shit is good. Joe you gotta try this." Bill slid the glass over to Joe.

"I doubt it's sweeter than me," George winked at Joe then stood up straight.

"What does he mean?" Bill looked at Joe as he took a drink.

"It's good," Joe tried to change the subject.

"You didn't tell Bill?" George laughed leaning against the counter.

"Of course I didn't tell Bill!" Joe sat up a bit, locking eyes with George.

"Didn't tell me what? I'm so lost!" Bill looked between the two, George had a shit eating grin on his face, Joe's cheeks were red with embarrassment.

"That Joe blew me on your kitchen counter during the party," George laughed standing up again walking away from the counter for a minute laughing.

"Oh Joe!" Bill folded forward onto the counter laughing but also disgusted by his friend's behavior.

"We shouldn't have told him now he's gonna hold this over our heads for forever!" Joe held his hands over his face.

"Of course I'm gonna hold it against you Joe! My Ma does all her cookin' in there. Hell we eat on that counter sometimes." Bill sat up out of breath from laughing.

Joe was embarrassed but eventually it would've come out at some point. They would've eventually smoked together and Joe would've told him.

"Was he good?" Bill looked at George waiting for a response.

"Pretty damn good," George's voice was meek and barely audible recounting the silly memory.

"Well we were at that sleepover sophomore year where Babe taught us how to give the best head around." Joe smirked, taking a drink from his nitro coffee, it was his turn to expose.

"Wait?" George looked at them, crossing his arms and raising an eyebrow.

It was true, out of all the friends in their friend group Babe gave literally the best blowjobs any of them had ever had. So one night Bill and Joe stayed at Babes and they just casually took turns learning how to give good head. Bill didn't participate in the sucking but they took turns practicing on Bill. Not the most proudest moment between the three but it did come in handy a few times.

"Yeah it's true, I swear on my mothers life!" Bill laughed. At that point the bell on the door rang and Lew came in followed by Lieb both of them holding fresh produce for tonight. It was karaoke night at Rosebuds, a town favorite and a big hit with the locals.

"What're we swearing on Ruthie's life?" Lew walked behind the counter setting the box on the counter.

"Nothin'" Bill shook his head, "This is some amazing sweet iced tea Mr. Nixon."

"Are they talking about that night they all fuckin' circle jerked each others at Babes?" Lieb snickered, setting the vegetables down and taking the things out of it.

"We did not circle jerk each other," Joe corrected him.

"Nah you and Babe just took turns sucking me off." Bill laughed.

"Okay I've heard enough about circle jerking and teenage blowjobs for a lifetime. George, I need you in the back to learn how to make zucchini noodles for tonight." Nix let out a dry laugh clasping his hands together.

"Yeah I should probably get home. My Ma sent these for tonight Mr. Nix." Joe handed him the stack of tinfoil pans of blueberry muffins.

"Thank you Joe, tell her I said thank you." Lew took them and went through the door to the kitchen. Joe got up and was about to head for the door when George scurried out from behind the counter.

"Bye Joe," George rolled up on his toes and locked his lips with Joes. Joe placed his hands on George's lips and kissed back. They pulled away from each other and he let his hands linger for a moment.

"Bye George, I think I'm gonna come tonight. Babe does some pretty killer karaoke." Joe kissed George's forehead and pulled his keys from his pocket.

"See you later!" George waved as Joe left.

"Are you gonna treat my boy well now?" Bill walked over clapping George on the shoulder and giving him a bit of a shake.

"I really like him. I promise I'll treat him right, Bill. I've just never really been this serious about someone before. They usually just find me royally annoying and then leave me." George sighed, slouching a bit as Bill let go of him and looked at George.

"I've known ol' Joseph Toye my whole life and he definitely is head over heels for you! I can basically read his mind just by his body language. Just don't fuck him over." Bill nodded to George and left.

[lorbanery]

I'm going to derail this ever so slightly. Because while it's absolutely true that there was probably a major amount of executive interference that led to this final product, I'm genuinely worried that there might be an artist issue here too.

If you're not familiar with Drawfee, it's a Youtube channel originally under the College Humor brand but went independent after CH imploded. It's run by four professional artists who have a formal art education, with the occasional guest artist. While they've branched out into a lot of other things, their main content is taking a (usually) fan-suggested prompt and then chatting as each of them takes a turn at drawing something based on the prompt.

Now, I love these guys. They're one of our household's favorite channels, we've been following them since they were under CH and we watch almost every drawing prompt video. That said, there was a video a while back that I had to ask my partner to turn off because it was genuinely pissing me off.

I don't remember the context, but at some point one of the artists brought up Rocket Power, the early '00s Nickelodeon cartoon by the animation studio Klasky Csupo, which led to a conversation about Klasky Csupo's Nickelodeon shows in general. Their opinions, collectively, were that the art on those shows was ugly, and they spent at least as much time as it took whoever was drawing to finish their piece to find new ways to reiterate that point.

And to be absolutely clear, they were not using "ugly" to mean "interesting" or anything else like that. They were specifically mocking those shows for being "ugly" and making it clear how much they hated that artwork.

Like, I cannot stress this enough that even as a child watching each of these shows premiere I understood that the character designs were literally representative of the natural variation in human bodies and faces, just exaggerated. You know, like art and especially animation does. Babies have weirdly shaped heads; some people have big noses; some people have big chins; other people have almost no chin at all; some kids are fat; some people have big foreheads; some people have tightly curled hair that does whatever it wants no matter how many combs and styling products you use. Klasky Csupo cartoons were one of the only places you could find "normal" people on TV.

They weren't actors who were cast, first and foremost, because they existed on the spectrum of traditionally attractive. They weren't characters designed, first and foremost, to be aesthetically pleasing to recreate the look of a cast of traditionally attractive actors. And as a fat kid who spent their childhood feeling so horribly, viscerally ugly, these shows were so fucking important to me. Even Rocket Power and As Told By Ginger, which I was watching in high school.

And then to hear these professional artists, these formally educated artists, who normally relish the opportunity to get weird whenever they're designing characters? Go on and on and on and on about how ugly these characters are, how horrible their character designs are, how much they just cannot stand even looking at them?

Yeah, it worries me. It worries me what art schools are teaching their students about what kind of art is "acceptable". It worries me about what art schools are teaching about what aesthetics are "good" and "bad" and how much of that is being internalized by their students uncritically. That the only characters who are allowed to have "ugly" exaggerated features are characters who have something "wrong" with them. Because the Drawfee artists aren't that much younger than me, they're old enough to have watched at least Rocket Power while it was originally airing. They've had time to break out of that mindset, but they haven't.

Because, to be absolutely explicitly clear, I don't expect everyone to like every aesthetic. But I do expect people who appreciate art so much that they made it their career to at least appreciate different aesthetics for what they are, rather than painting aesthetics they don't like personally as just "bad" and "ugly" with no redeeming qualities or purpose.

They De-Tumblrized Ms. Frizzle

[writteninscarlet]

🖤 ;; @americashielded

send 🖤 and my character will answer about yours. ;; accepting

attractiveness:

repulsive / hideous / ugly / not attractive / unappealing / not unattractive / meh / no preference / ok / mildly attractive / nice looking / cute / adorable / attractive / pleasant on the eyes / good looking / hot / sexy / beautiful / gorgeous / hot damn / would tap that / perfect / godlike / holy fuck there are no words.

"I couldn't ever deny the fact that Steve is attractive," she mused, before giving a roll of her shoulders. A small shrug. "He is attractive, he has good looks and keeps himself clean and together. He may not be overly prideful in his appearance, but I can always appreciate someone who puts in some effort to not be a slob. And his attractiveness, to me, is certainly accentuated by his personality - good looks only get you so far, but he has a good personality to match."

personality:

grating / irritating / frustrating / boring / confusing at best / awkward / unreasonable / psychotic / disturbing / interesting / engaging / affectionate / aggressive / ambitious / anxious / artistic / bad tempered / bossy / charismatic / appealing / unappealing / creative / courageous / dependable / unreliable / unpredictable / predictable / devious / dim / extroverted / introverted / egotistical / gregarious / fabulous / impulsive / intelligent / sympathetic / talkative / up beat / peaceful / calming / badass / flexible.

"Steve has a lot of different sides to him," she began, a slight smile on her face. "And whilst I wouldn't call him an actor, I think he probably knows well how to react in different situations. But overall? I think he is a good man. Sometimes I know exactly how he will react, and at other times I cannot tell. Sometimes he can be annoying and bossy, but I would never doubt that his heart is in the right place." The smile was certainly there now, and affectionate and warm enough. "Yes, a good man, and not someone I would want to go up against - I think he can be very tough when he wants to be."

how likely they would have sex with them:

not if they were the last person on earth and the world was ending / fuck no! / never / no way / not likely / not sure / indifferent / I’m asexual / maybe / probably / it depends / fairly likely / likely / yeah sure / yes / would tap that / hell yes / fuck yes! / wishing that could happen right now / as many times as possible / we are already having sex.

"I'm... not entirely sure I like the phrase tap that," she murmured dryly, a little scrunching up of her nose. But then Wanda relaxed, amused look on her features. "He's a friend, and a teammate. To do something like this could jeopardise that, no? But to take that aside - he is charming, and smart. He is well put together. I am comfortable with him. He is, to put it in one word, amazing. So if we are being truthful and taking awkwardness of going to that stage out of it, then yes, I would have sex with him."

level of friendship:

never in a million years / worst of enemies / enemies / rivals / indifferent / neutral / acquaintance / friendly toward each other / casual friends / friends / good friends / best friends / fuck buddies / bosom buddies / practically the same person / would die for them / true friends / my only friend.

"As teammates or just as two individual people, I completely trust him. And would like to think of us as good friends. I feel... one can never really know everything about another person," she gave a soft shrug, "but I would like to know about him. And I feel happy to be able to call him a friend."

first impression of them:

i hate them so much / i don’t like them / i don’t trust them / they annoy me / they’re weird / I’m indifferent / meh / they seem alright / they’re growing on me / truce / I think I like them / I like them / I’m not sure if I trust them / I trust them / they’re cool / they’re genuine / I think we’re going to get along / I really like them / I think I’m in love / oh fuck they’re hot / I love them.

"Of course, we met on opposite sides first of all. In that sense I didn;t actually much care either way for him, not on first meeting him. He was never anyone I personally disliked, we were just on opposite sides" She gave a little grin, almost a smirk, then said, "So first impressions? Not ideal. But perhaps we had a NEW first impression when we were on the same side." For her sake, she'd think of it that way. It was nice to have a fresh start. "He can annoying and bossy, can I say that again? He can be. But I think nearly everyone that meets him can tell he... he is good. And I wanted to trust him from the start. Or, at least perhaps to get to know him better." She tapped a slender finger on her chin, thinking for a moment about it. "He seemed a bit square at the start rather than cool, but easily seemed a dependable person."

current impression of them:

i hate them so much / i don’t like them / i don’t trust them / they annoy me / they’re weird / I’m indifferent / meh / they seem alright / they’re growing on me / truce / I think I like them / I like them / I’m not sure if I trust them / I trust them / they’re cool / they’re genuine / I think we’re going to get along / I really like them / I think I’m in love / oh fuck they’re hot / I love them.

"I don't think I would want him out of my life. He is dependable. He's someone I trust. He's someone I enjoy having around." Truthfully, her feelings for him grew all the time. He was someone that grew on you, wasn't he? "I like Steve, a lot." A LOT.

[twisted-wonderland-but-gayer]

i am gonna ask you about hastur....

Takes a deep breath in.. OK weird rant with many typos below

Ok so before I tell u abt hastur/xastur/they who shall not be named/ect and carcosa you first need to read this poem. It will make sense in a bit

"Along the shore the cloud waves break,The twin suns sink behind* the lake,The shadows lengthen

In Carcosa.

Strange is the night where black stars rise,And strange moons circle through the skiesBut stranger still is

Lost Carcosa.

Songs that the Hyades shall sing,Where flap the tatters of the King,Must die unheard in

Dim Carcosa.

Song of my soul, my voice is dead;Die thou, unsung, as tears unshed Shall dry and die in

Lost Carcosa."

In the story of Hastur there is a playwrite/script they wrote called The King in Yellow which is banned by most governments because it's believed to "change people." Many who read this book go insane and most who seek out the book are lost souls or artists.

Hastur is an eldritch being that is also a star called Carcosa that drifts through space. Carcosa is considered a dead place filled with lost souls of distinguished artists who were post or never recognized ect ect. Hence why lost souls go to die in Carcosa.

Hastur can control where Carcosa goes and get stronger with each new followers they gain. Carcosa is a star like the sun but has cities and stuff on it. Its even cooler when you realize the sun is pretty close to being an eldritch horror already. I.e. it screams but no one can hear it, it lives a long time but is not immortal, being exposed to it for too long is dangerous, itm will eventually die and kill us all, it has several fires limbs that extend, ect ect.

Unlike most eldritch beings Hastur in the original text is only really seen once? Where he comforts an artist that lost their way and welcome them to carcosa. Inna way they can be seen as a bit more sympathetic/kinder than most beings. This is probably because their loyal subjects are very like-minded and similar to them.

A lot of members are artisans/artists in their own ways. Actors, hairdressers, painters, architects ect.

Hastur has many names but no description besides wearing yellow. They have no defined gender either. They are also often deacribed as a jester or wearing jesters clothing and drama masks

A common way Hastur is portrayed is a bit haughty and arrogant. They speak in playwrites and poems and come off very eloquent is not a bit pretentious. To Carcosians however they can understand them perfectly.

When a new member joins Hatur they wear yellow and drama masks. Some believe that Hatur can control you mind the minute you put the mask on. Others say that he can't and the obedience comes from the cuts respect for Hastur. (Check out Suckers for loves take on hatur I love it)

Your face is believed to stretch and morph to fit the mask you are given and that it's impossible to take it off without ripping off your face.

Hastur is believed to be more powerful in light or not even have a true body. Some think Hastur is an illusion that only shows up in bright area and dissappears during the day. Furthermore as long as sunlight is in a room, Hastur can appear.

There just so much I love about them. I've read their book and even read all of HP Lovecrafts written works (fuck HP Lovecraft though. Pirate his shit he's a fucked up dude) along with several worls based off his stuff.

Other cool Lovecrafts I adore besides Cthulu are Nyarlathotep, Azathoth, The Nameless Mist, Yog Sothoth.

However do keep in mind these monsters are incomprehensible. They have no true personality and are all up to interpretation so here's my interpretation. The best part about these monsters is that because they rely on interpretation you can change them to how you like. Hence why I have many Carcosian and Hastur OCS, they have to be one of my fave eldritch gods sorry if they rant made no sense at all I just have so many feelings

[radhew]

As some rando with an heavy interest in AI, I really really like this take.

As amazing and cool as this technology is and regardless of how much I adore it, having generative tools of this caliber is a brand new thing with no rules or regulations on it. And the first thing that'll happen with something like that is exploitation for a quick buck. Everyone knows this, and in small cases this can be properly mitigated without too much hassle.

However, AI is going to change how we do so many things. This is NOT a small case and these conversations NEED to be had. This is really frustrating because, understandably, nobody WANTS to have this conversation as a public figure. It's a fucking dumpster fire right now, with early adopters clearly having no interest in respecting the wishes or wellbeing of the very artists that made it possible. Personally, I wouldn't like to have a calm and rational conversation with someone making a copy of my face and parading it around over theirs, either. Plus, if you're too easy on them, your followers are gonna feel like you don't have their back.

As a creator, the simplest and most effective way to deal with this is to come out and be like "Fuck AI, it's awful." Gets rid of the weird tech bros and proves your solidarity with artists. Hell, that may be even the best way to deal with it right now, I dunno. But people who are already interested in AI aren't going to be the ones listening.

That's why I have so much respect for content creators who can prove there are good uses for AI, (even if it is just silly little prompts, I think that's just as valid and frankly hilarious) while still being able to note just how dangerous it is for people's careers, livelihood, and...well, this may or may not be a little dramatic, but the growth and evolution of art itself. Not only do we need to talk about what ethical AI use is, but we also need to show people what it looks like. There's never gonna be a definitive answer, and AI in general is always gonna be a grey area every person will have a unique stance on. But creators have the opportunity to help formulate guidelines and, more importantly, hard lines that you do not cross.

For example, DougDoug recently made a super funny video where he had ChatGPT essentially try to beat the entirety of Pajama Sam 1 while speaking in-character as Sam himself, just by describing what was going on in the game to it. What stands out to me in this video is the fact that he used ElevenLabs to give this fake Sam his own voice, but he specifically went out of his way not to use voice files from the game to train the voice. Instead, he used horrific combinations of the voices of his friends, (after getting permission, of course) and then put a filter on it to give it that Humongous Entertainment audio stank. Not only did it lead to a very funny bit in the video itself, but it also showed a line: He wasn't gonna make a voice actor say lines that they didn't give nor were paid for, and considering we're just now leaving the trend of presidents playing Minecraft, I think that's such an important boundary to set.

All this to say: I hope Penny does actually do episode 3 of Sonic Destruction sometime soon. I think it would be really nice to have a big voice when it comes to derivative work outright say where she draws the line. Maybe I'm a little biased because of how much I love technology, though, and because it feels really shitty to be the bad guys here. (Which, for the record, we definitely are right now.) I definitely don't blame her if she doesn't, to be clear. Nobody wants to address the elephant in the room, especially when said elephant has a fucking turret mounted to it and is starting to look a little sickly.

But, man...we need to talk.

As you've said more Sonic Destruction is coming, do you have a line or two from ep 3 you could share that doesn't have a huge spoiler or anything tied to it?

It has not been written haha. I wanted to write it a lot sooner but truth be told I've been kinda intentionally not interacting with my usual AI channels as a small show of solidarity with the writer's strike going on, since though AI is not the biggest concern of the strike necessarily it is a talking point that is brought up and part of the fight is for regulation of AI tools in artistic industry, which is something I agree with. I do think that there is an ethical place for AI tools in creative work, Sonic Destruction is not the first example of something like that (plus it helps that kinda the whole point of SD is to giggle at how silly the idea of writing an entire script with little to no human input is anyway), but right now the technology is being pushed in a direction that is designed to replace humanity in art with efficiency, and maximize return on investment. Which is just... not the point of why we create, imo. So it's a subject I care enough about to shoot myself in the foot a little lmao.

I HAVE actually considered moving forward on the video anyway and maybe using its reach to communicate some of my stance on these ideas, but I'm not sure how tasteful it would be to do so. I defer to public opinion on that, so if you have any opinions feel free to let me know.

[achillieus]

let you down. (sebastian stan x reader)

summary: it's a universal truth but it's worth repeating; feelings eat us raw. or just an actor and a girl falling in and out of love over the course of three months.

(this was inspired by sebastian's visit to greece for his movie, monday, and is based on that, so that means in the story we’re in 2018. also i have this posted on ao3 too but while i’m writing the last parts i thought of posting it here too)

pairing: sebastian stan x reader

warnings: alcohol, sexual references, implied depression, sebastian desperately needs to hug the reader, it's kinda slowburn because i love the yearning

(pinterest inspired board)

part: 1/6

(other parts)  (masterlist)

The day it happened, it wasn't a significant meeting at all, you barely even talked. In fact, when he opened the door of your neighbor’s flat that day with a beer in his right hand and his hair messy, he didn't have any effect on you. You always knew that living next to a director meant that sooner or later you’d bump into the pretty faces of well-known people. Sure, you didn’t expect them to be Hollywood actors like him, but to say you were starstruck by the man, would be the overstatement of the year.

The building you’ve lived in for the last three years has five floors; you live in the 4th, he lives in the 5th. He’s a quiet person, usually spending his evenings out of his apartment. You’ve talked sometimes, about the weather and the weird lady that lives in the 1st floor. You’ve never told him you find his directing style a little pretentious.

You’ve never been to his place until that annoyingly warm August evening, when you find a white button up shirt on your balcony. You can clearly see more clothing when you look up and you’re certain the item you’re holding belongs to him.

He’s not there though. Instead you find a different face behind the door. Lighter eyes and darker hair. The man in front of you is definitely younger than the director. You don’t bother to notice what he’s wearing.

“Can I help you?” His voice is deeper than you expected. Stronger, with a touch of European accent. The sound of English surprises you at first but soon you realize he must be another foreign coworker that came to visit your neighbor

“No, I just think Argyris dropped this and it ended up on my floor.”

He looks at you and then at the shirt, in your hands.

Then he says “Sure, I’ll take it.”

“Okay.”

Then it ends. He doesn’t even ask your name. You don’t have to ask his. You figure out, as soon as you walk down the stairs, that it’s Sebastian Stan that you just talked to.

And while being a big fan of marvel movies, you think nothing special of him at first. You just wonder how a mostly unknown director from Greece got an actor like Sebastian to come here so they can work together. It makes no sense to you, but you forget it when your phone starts ringing.

/

It would’ve been easier if you never saw him again, yet you do. You see him trying to understand what the old lady from the first floor is trying to tell him. You already know. The elevator is not working. The next day you see him walking up the stairs.

You exchange a quick hello, how are you and then off you both go.

The same night Argyris invites you to have a drink with them in the terrace. Part of you wants to just stay in bed and binge watch some Sherlock episodes. Part of you already thinks of what to wear.

There are around ten people there when you show up. They’re all sitting down in huge pillows drinking and talking loudly. You don’t know most of them.

You sit next to a blonde girl, across from Sebastian. This time you notice he’s wearing a plain black shirt and holds a glass of whiskey.

You don’t share any direct conversations but you learn that he’s afraid of growing old and that he thinks Taxi Driver is one fucking masterpiece, as he says.

When you mention that you’re probably the least artistic person in the room right now, you hear him laugh.

A curly haired woman starts dancing with him at some point. You decide he’s not a good dancer.

He leaves the same time you do, following you down the stairs.

“I thought you live here.” You say when he doesn’t stop at the floor you expect him to.

“Ah no, I stay at a hotel near the centre.”

He keeps talking about his suite until you reach your door.

You part in a blur, with a short goodbye.

He still doesn’t ask for your name.

It makes you feel genuinely offended.

/

Two days after, he is the farthest thing from your mind, until you find him sitting in front of your door, his eyes roaming the place with despair. And then he sees you.

“Ah finally you are here.” He starts casually. “Thank god.”

You just nod.

“Argyris told me to wait for him with you. We had a meeting but he got stuck in traffic.”

You give him a look.

“He said you’re always at home so you won’t mind.”

Ouch. Yeah sure, your social life wasn’t something to brag about but for some reason the way Sebastian said it, it sounded like an insult.

“Okay, come in.” You shrug, clearly not feeling comfortable and turn around to unlock the door.

You hear him call your name. You thought he didn’t know.

“Yes?”

He offers you an easy smile.  “Thank you.”

/

Sitting in your couch he’s eyeing the entire room, while you put some groceries in the fridge.

“Argyris says you’re a great girl.” He clears his throat. “But he thinks you’re too quiet for your own good.”

You look at him, your eyes flicking up and down his face.

“And from what I can tell, he’s right.”  You hear him laugh.

It felt weird to see him laugh while he was leaning back at your cozy pillow. He had entered your life so suddenly you didn’t even have time to react to it.

“I’m sorry but I barely know you.” Your words are sharp. He sits up.

“Okay then let’s get to know each other, what’s your favorite Disney princess?”

Defeated, you laugh. “Are you kidding me?”

“No, this is an important question.”

You wait for him to crack up but then you remember he’s an actor.

“I don’t know.” You think for a second. “Mulan?”

“Oh my god. Mulan is amazing.” You smile at him. “My favorite is Jasmine, she’s just so badass.”

You share your favorites that day, having almost nothing in common rather than your everlast love for animated movies and buttered popcorn.

When it’s time for him to leave, he stops and looks at you in the eye.

“You should talk more often.”

You stare at him with confusion. “I talk,” you raise your eyebrows. “When I have something to say.”

“Good.” he says, still looking.

/

Later in the evening, you’re eating some yoghurt when he comes knocking on your door.

He’s different. The white tank top he was wearing this morning is replaced with a dark shirt and his face looks tired. You assume they’ve been working since he went upstairs.

“Hiii”, he says dragging the i, “Am I interrupting anything?”

You desperately want to nod. You want to tell him that you were doing the most exciting thing in the world, before he came but you were never a good liar.

So you just tilt your head and take a step back.

That’s when he enters and is met with some loud rock music blaring from your laptop.

“You like AC/DC?” he asks, almost wide-eyed.

“Well, I can tell it’s them when I hear their stuff.”  For the first time that day, he seems to be in loss of words. “Why are you so surprised?”

He sits in the same spot in the couch as earlier and laughs.

“I just didn’t take you for the kind of girl who likes this music.” It’s your turn to laugh.

“Why?”

He shrugs. “I don’t know. Quiet girl who loves animated films and eats kids’ yoghurt” he looks at the carton in your kitchen table, “and also likes metal music? Doesn’t add up.”

“We’ve basically just met; you shouldn’t make assumptions about me.”

“Fair enough.” He sits back, fidgeting with his fingers.

You take some time just looking at him

There was a certain vibe about that man that made you wonder how it’d feel to cruise down a dessert highway in a convertible mustang with him. In the summer. With him wearing that white tank top.

The color of strawberries emerges at your cheeks just at the thought of it.

You wish he doesn’t notice.

You’re glad to find him looking the other way, before he speaks up.

“We’re going out tonight.” His voice is warm now. “Argyris says you should come along, even though I’m quite sure there’s no hardcore music where we’re going.” He laughs again.

I can’t. You almost say. But then anxiety slips away from you and out of sudden you want him to stop being so freaking arrogant, going around and acting like he knows exactly what kind of person you are.

He thinks you’ll say no. You can see it in his eyes.

“Sure, when should I be ready?” you say, surprising both of you.

He looks at you for some time and then trying to hide whatever he was thinking he says the first thing on his mind.

“How old are you?” He sounds pitiful. He knows. He wishes he could hit a wall; with his head.

“Twenty-one.” His eyes scan yours, unsure of what they’re looking for. “Why?”

“No reason.”

He inhales deep.

/

You try to blink. You’re at a party in a little bar you’ve never been before and a lot of people are wearing black. Alcohol. You can still taste it on the back of your tongue. You don’t remember how you end up pressed against a dark skinned man, but you can tell he smells of cigarettes and despair.

You sway your body to the beat, close your eyes. Breath in. And out. You think the music deafens you for a second but you open your lids and see Sebastian and he’s watching you, unashamed.

He’s not that far, though it feels like it with countless bodies in the way. The music melts. His gaze is almost angelic. Or devious. You can’t really tell.

He’s dancing with that curly haired woman again. You wonder how intimate their relationship is.

The red neon lights make his skin glisten. His muscles move divinely. It makes you think there’s an entire world inside him, his flesh barely keeping it hidden. Out of sudden you get the urge to walk towards him. You want to see him up close under this dim lighting. But you don’t move.

The man that’s groping your waist asks for your name. You tell him you need to flee. He doesn’t understand.

You sit outside with the sweet summer breeze touching your bare arms. The bass of the music in the background syncs with the beating of your heart. You can feel your ribs grow with every breath you take. Until you stop breathing because the door opens and his eyes suffocate you.

You can’t fathom the effect he has on you. He was a pretty face on screen some days ago. But right now he steals distance and stays near you.

You don’t look his way. He doesn’t say a word. Nicotine and smoke surround you as he exhales. His fingers hold the cigarette butt with care.

“Do you want some?”

You turn to look at him.

“I don’t smoke.” He laughs.

“That doesn’t mean you don’t want some.”

You want to know if his breath has the taste of sulfur. You want to pretend it’s the alcohol or the loud music that makes your head hurt.

“What’s the best part of being an actor?” The blue in his eyes glows.

There’s silence but he seems to be thinking about it.

“Do you ever feel things too much?” He says, his voice hoarse. “I mean, when you feel something so intensely it becomes a part of who you are.”

You nod. You understand.

“Acting allows you to let go of these feelings,” he starts. “You share the burden with the audience until it becomes light and you can hold it again.”

You look at him, shaking your head.

“I don’t think I could that,” you close your eyes. “I don’t think I could share what I feel so easily.”

He stands up. The wind hits you again.

“A lot people can’t. That’s why everyone is heartbroken,” he takes a breath, “Feelings eat us raw.”

You both go to bed alone that night. Tomorrow there is a hole next to you.

/

the morning after, search history

(02:45 PM) hangover recovery

(03:00 PM) best food after a hangover

(03:10 PM) sebastian stan

(03:30 PM) sebastian stan girlfriend

(06:00 PM) xanax side effects

/

You follow him on Instagram. He doesn’t follow you back. You remember he probably gets tons of followers every day and decide not to let it bother you. Instead you study for the exams of the following month.

The subject of your studies doesn’t interest you. Another poor decision you made under pressure. Sometimes you feel as if your life is borrowed from someone else. Sometimes you feel as if you haven’t found your home yet.

Feelings eat us raw.

His girlfriend looks beautiful in the pictures you find online. The media isn’t certain if they’re still together but you like to think so. It makes it easier to avoid him.

But the universe seems to be oblivious to your thoughts and you see him that same day. You’re taking the garbage out and he’s coming down from the top floor. You meet in the elevator.

“I’m glad to see you’re still alive,” his eyes are smiling as he talks “you looked kinda drunk last night.”

You fidget with the hem of the bag you’re holding.

“I wasn’t drunk.” You notice he’s growing some stubble. You’re not sure you like it.

“Whatever you say, doll.”  You bite your cheek trying to devour any sign that might give away how his words make you flinch.

He turns his body a little so now you’re facing each other. He’s so pretty. He’s so pretty in a way that doesn’t hurt. You try not to stare at him, but you fail sometimes. You’ve never noticed how slow the elevator moves until you want to get out. You can’t stand being so close to him for much longer.

He’s an arrogant rich actor who loves Disney and smokes a lot, you think. I have no reason to be affected by him.

“Ah! Argyris said we’re leaving for the weekend.” You eye him curiously. “He wants to show us some small villages in the south. He thinks we should get to know the country a little more before we start.”

You’re stunned by your neighbor’s dedication to his work. Sometimes you wish you had something you could be passionate about too. Sometimes you think you’re never going to find it.

“That’s great. I’m sure you’ll like it.” You give him a smile.

He leans his back at the wall. The elevator stops. Finally.

“I like your eyes.” You grab tight onto the bag. “But they don’t smile when you do.”

He opens the door and he’s gone.

They tell you that it’s fun to meet a famous person. They tell you, you can ask for a photo and a hug. They tell you celebrities don’t talk a lot but that doesn’t mean they’re rude.

But he’s not like that.

He’s fire. He’s burning heat and scorching flames. His words are his thoughts; raw. You don’t like it.

/

late night search history

(00:38 AM) blue valentine movie soundtrack

(01:15 AM) is sebastian stan a bad person

(01:30 AM) acting classes for amateurs

(01:50 AM) cheap leather boots

(02:10 AM) sebastian stan eyes

 You find it annoying; how he’s present even when you’re alone.

Thankfully he’s leaving for the weekend, you think.

/

The weekend, however, is two days away.

You think you can get away without seeing him. And you do. Until it’s late at night again. And they’re all upstairs with music so loud you’re certain the lady on the first floor is going to be rude about it in the morning.

The music tempo has you unaffected. All you think about is if he’s dancing with that woman again.

He’s such a bad dancer, he should not be dancing.

There’s a subtle knock on your door. You know it’s him. You hope you’re wrong.

“Do you feel like dancing?” His face is all flustered. It’s a good look on him.

“You can’t come knocking on my door at 2 AM and ask me to dance.” His gaze is filled with confusion.

“So you don’t feel like dancing?” You roll your eyes. He notices.

“That’s not the point Sebastian.” It’s the first time you call him by his name. You let it slip away slowly, testing the way it sounds coming out of your mouth.

He takes a step closer. You are suddenly aware of your pyjama shorts and your exposed skin.

“I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to irritate you.” His eyes are the cliché blue of the sky. “I just thought you might want to dance, that’s all.”

Suddenly you feel guilty and embarrassed. He’s oblivious to it.

For a moment you feel his eyes linger on you. It feels surreal.

You nod at him.

He’s ready to say something when Argyris comes down the stairs, his shirt slightly unbuttoned.

“Ah man, I thought you got lost or something.” You lower your eyes. “Stop messing with the poor girl. People are looking for you.”

He throws a smile at you and Sebastian takes a quick breath.

“People are always looking for me.”

He gives away that he’s carrying a burden. Your expression softens. But then you look at Argyris and you see he doesn’t really pay attention to these words.

You share a quick look before you’re there standing alone at your doorstep, trying to grasp the idea of him.

/

When you wake up you feel like running. You can’t fathom where the feeling comes from but it starts like a liquid running down your veins and soon you can’t stay in bed even for a second.

Feelings eat us raw. Only if you let them.

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