#i fucking hate that ad so much it fills me with irrational rage whenever i see it

[smallhatlogan]

There was an episode of Friends in 1999 where the joke was that Ross’s teeth were like, lighter than a tissue white and that was fucked up and weird, what happened since 1999 that I get ads that are like "your teeth aren't lighter than a tissue? They might as well be brown"

[retro-aesthe]

Sidelines (Part 2)

(I’ve actually posted this... idk, it disappeared so I’m gonna post it again. Happy reading!!!)

Alex Danvers x fem!reader

You were watching a documentary about war remnants left by World War II in different “third world countries.” Just like a one-shot angst fic about your OTP you’ve read a thousand times, this documentary sucks you in—deep, and makes you want to continue relieving your college idealist self you’ve left behind some time ago. Back in NCU, you wanted to change the world and save the oppressed… but when you graduated, you were caught off-guard by the cruel face of reality. Suddenly, those plans of changing the world faded. You were stuck as some newspaper writer—broke, by the way—with a record of libel case under your name.

As you watched, with glimmering eyes, the old, ragged, black and white pictures being flashed in your TV, the door burst open. You jumped in surprise, higher than you’ll ever admit, and some popcorn spilled on the floor from the overflowing bowl. You turned around to check who just barged in and saw Alex Danvers with a pissed off look in her face.

You immediately placed the bowl of popcorn on the table and stood up, frown already marring your face. You swallowed the popcorn you just placed on your mouth, and then asked lightly, “What’s up?”

You felt relieved that your heart was calming down already.

“Why the fuck is your door not locked?” your best friend asked, and you can already see the angry lines getting more obvious on her face. The waves of anger raging from your best friend’s… presence were directed to you. You felt so lost because all you can think about was how she just went here to… scold you? Wasn’t she on a date?

“Um… because I’m inside?” you said slowly… confusion rising by the level as you stared at Alex’s pissed off form. The agent moved to close the door and proceeded on taking off her coat.

“I’ve told you a hundred times that you should lock the door. What if I’m some murderer? I could be murdering you right now—“

“Well, you’re not a murderer and you’re not murdering me right now. You’re my best friend and you can come in my apartment anytime. My locked door would have made me stand up—which I just did, thanks to you barging in here like some overly crazed person—and pause this incredibly heart-wrenching and mind-blowing documentary, just so I could open the door for you, your highness,” you rambled sarcastically, as you automatically went for your refrigerator and pulled out some beer.

Alex was already getting comfortable in your couch—where you were sitting a while ago—which was filled with thick blankets that made you feel like you’re in heaven.

“So… you came here just to bitch about my unlocked door…? Or, am I going to pry how your night went with a certain detective?” you asked, as you placed the opened beer bottles on the center table. You faced your best friend, having the chance to take her in. You can just imagine how your eyes turned into heart ones. Alex was breathtaking. You can’t help but envy Maggie Sawyer right now. The detective was living what you only had for a dream… at least you hope that she does know that.

“There was an emergency called by NCPD, so she had to leave early.” You watched as she drank the beer, clenching your jaw at the audacity of Maggie Sawyer to leave Lexie, on a date, alone… you would never do that even if it was your brought-back-to-life-by-Hades-because-the-god-despises-him-too editor calling. Well, you do know it is irrational to hold it over Maggie’s head (as the call was probably for the public’s safety) but, still. She left Alex alone.

“Explains why you had time to go here,” you said lightly. There was no bitterness in your tone, though your words came out flatly than you intended it to. You’ve felt neglected by your best friend these past few weeks she had been dating Maggie. Before, you’ve always had nights with Alex (because it’s the only time of the day the both of you possibly aren’t at work) at least four times a week. Now, it was reduced to sporadic once-a-week’s. You just kept your mouth shut, because you don’t know where you stand. There’s the feeling of needing to insert yourself because you’re the best friend, but there’s also the feeling of pulling back because you’re not the journalist sister, you’re just the journalist best friend.

It also doesn’t help that you’re the in-love best friend.

God, you hate yourself so much.

“Y/n…? Y/n, you still with me?” You refocused your unfocused eyes, and found Alex’s concerned ones staring right at you. You felt your eyes turn glassy, so you blinked the (possibly) tears away, and cleared your throat. You grabbed your bottle of beer and took large gulps. One thing that probably heavily grounds your friendship with Alex Danvers is alcohol. During game nights, you and Alex both dominate the available alcoholic drinks and still end up coherent enough to go home, or form syntactically—emphasis on just “syntactically”—correct sentences.

You slammed the beer harder than intended on your glass center table.

“Yeah, I am.” God, you need more.

You stood up, aware of Lexie’s eyes following your movements. You reached for the emergency bottle of (pure, as you specifically bought) tequila you had stored on your cupboard. ‘You’re loose lips, Y/n,’ you thought as you grabbed shot glasses. The glasses were just for show, since you had this great need to be loose lips and drink the entire bottle down to the last drop (which would more likely end up with you being pumped), and just tell Alex Danvers everything because Maggie Sawyer doesn’t deserve her because she left gorgeous Alex Danvers alone in their date night for some “NCPD emergency.”

“Sorry, I have like, a lot of things in my mind.” Case in point: the woman you’re talking to. “You know, article stuff,” you added, admittedly rather defensive. You filled the two shot glasses with tequila, not even bothering to ask Lexie if she wants one because you know she does because that’s how well you know her.

You pressed play on the documentary you were watching. The heavy silence masked the narrator’s voice, and you were extremely aware of Lexie’s restlessness, which you know means that she badly wants to say something. You have ignored your half consumed beer (and the now cold and indigestible popcorn), and turned on pouring yourself shot after shot of tequila. You should have followed yourself a while ago—go to bar after work.

“Are… are you okay, Y/n?” Alex finally asked. You tensed for a moment. Alex knows how much you resented that question… maybe that’s why she was so hesitant of asking you. You’ve always rambled on how it was futile to ask the question, especially if the one who asked only expects a yes or no answer. It’s much more than a simple yes or no to define if one’s okay or not.

You pressed pause once more and turned to her and smiled, finally feeling the effects of the (pure!) tequila you were drinking. Your lips were feeling numb (so you’re really half sure you’re smiling), and your tensed mind (as you so likely often describe it) was loosening up. You stared at Alex with half-lidded eyes. You have no idea why you suddenly felt drunk-hazy, as if you’ve drunk more than your limits. You looked at the tequila bottle and saw how it’s nearing empty. You frowned. Did it spill?

“I’ve only had a couple of shots… then you grabbed the bottle and basically fired shots… no difference if you’ve just drank from the bottle.” Lexie said, slightly amused. “You wanna tell me what’s going on?” You detected the shift in her tone, which was bordering concern.

Loose lips. Overly emotional. Not a good combination, especially when the pain caused by Maggie’s appearance in your life—more like in Lexie’s—is really doing a number on you. You stared at Lexie’s concerned eyes. You took a deep breath, wondering what to do or say next. With just pure instincts, your right hand moved to grab the bottle—you need to loosen up more.

“Hey, no. You’ve had enough.” Alex pried the bottle from your hands. She placed it on the floor, just slightly behind her then turned back to you. You nearly jumped off your skin when her soft hand grabbed yours, giving it a gentle squeeze.

“You’re watching documentaries, Y/n. You only watch them whenever something’s stressing you out. You drank that bottle of pure tequila as if it’s just water. You wanna tell me what’s going on?” You can’t help but let yourself give in on the appearing symptoms of crying. You’re already feeling hot, and Lexie’s smile just keeps flashing before your eyes… Lexie’s incredibly beautiful and perfect smile directed at Maggie Sawyer. You pursed your lips. Suddenly, there’s a growing anger forming inside you. You keep thinking why you hadn’t been good enough for Alex—for her to notice you. Why did it have to be Maggie? Why her? What freaking generous thing did she do for her to have the one person you’ve been praying for almost your whole life?

You suddenly felt a soft hand on your cheek. It was so comfortable, making your heart turn over and over again. When the thumb ran just below your eyes, you suddenly realized you were crying. You’re crying and Alex freaking Danvers, your best friend, was holding your hand and wiping your tears. Her eyes were full of concern and her face was so incredibly close. All you can think of is how beautiful she is and how she deserves the whole world. The forming anger was suddenly replaced by an onslaught of your love for this woman holding you.

You don’t know if it’s because of being soul-turning drunk that you suddenly can’t handle Lexie being an inch close to you. You’ve been at situations like this most of your life, but something changed right now. You can’t control yourself anymore when before, being with your best friend (since you realized you’re hopelessly in love with her) was all about control.

It was so comfortable, being this close. You taught of staying like this forever. As you stared at Lexie’s beautiful, concerned (for you) eyes, you can’t help but cry more over your missed chance of being with her. Your eyes shifted down and you can’t help but wonder how those lips were naturally pink and soft, while yours were pale and more often than not, slightly chapped. Then, with your screw-it mind taking over, you shook off Lexie’s hold on your hand. You placed both of your hands softly on her nape, and pulled her closer.

You can’t help but think that this is, indeed, the softest pair of lips you’ve ever had the chance of kissing. And you so badly want to kiss these pair of lips forever.

[supersugatrash]

Welcome. First Time With BTS?

A/N: Annyeong! Alright, here we are. The long overdue chapter 15. This one was really hard to write and not necessarily because of the plot itself, but because I was somewhat terrified of the reactions this could get. I know, it’s dumb, but we all have our own demons. Then, like a miracle, recently something happened to me that really got me out of my funk, so I started up Word and finally got to writing again. Again, I cannot promise I’ll post more regularly from now on, but I still intend to post whenever I feel the creative juices flowing. I have not given up on writing and myself and I hope neither will you. If you want to keep up with what I’m doing, you can always check out my Twitter @/Supersugatrash where I post a bit more frequently and give a lot more insight on where I am with my stories and even post some random blurbs every now and then. /unnecessary ramble over. I hope this will answer all the questions you’ve had after the last chapter! Enjoy. :)

Story Summary: You wish your life was normal again, but you know it will never be the same. Not with what you’ve experienced since joining one of the most dangerous Gangs in Seoul: Bangtan.

Genre: Gang/Mafia!AU

Word Count: 6,741

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 | Part 13 | Part 14

Drabble #01

Warnings: Strong Language, Violence (towards every character, including reader), Major Character Death? (Gotta find out for yourself lmao) – You have been warned.

Part 15

Tick. Tick. Tick. As the clock struck midnight, it seemed like time came to a halt. An excruciating halt that captured your pain. One, two, three tears rolled down your cheeks as you looked at Hoseok, the sound of the heart monitor producing a never-ending, heart wrenchingly sharp tone that filled the room. This was far from right; he wasn't supposed to die. He was going to wake up any minute now, glaring at and blaming you for getting the two of you into danger. Any second now, he was going to curse you out. Any moment now he was going to jump out of bed, put on his spiky mask and get as far away from you as possible. You were sure of it.  

Everything, absolutely everything, felt surreal to you. Like this moment didn’t happen; like it was never supposed to happen. Yet here you were, standing in front of Hoseok’s bed, staring at his lifeless body as you hoped for a miracle. You gently grabbed his wrist and tried to feel for a pulse, but there was nothing. Not a twitch, not a bump, just… nothing. You placed your fingers on his soft neck, but it was just more of the same. The brutal reality of it all was hopeless and grim and it felt like a slap across your face when you finally admitted it to yourself: Hoseok was dead. 

Namjoon was still sitting in the other room, clueless of what was happening only a few feet away from him, and you didn't have it in you to tell him. Not yet. How could you? The shock still hadn’t quite set in with you and you had only met him a few weeks ago. Just thinking of the suffocating pain in Namjoon’s eyes when he would learn about this news made your heart ache once more. You lost someone you wanted to call a friend, he had just lost a part of his family and if someone knew that agony all too well, it was you. No, you really couldn’t tell him. 

You quietly sat next to Hoseok and couldn’t tear your eyes away from his face. He looked at peace, as if he was finally free from all the pain he had endured in his life. Once again you took his hand in yours and cried. You cried for a few seconds, which turned into minutes and then into hours, thinking about the time you had wasted not getting to know him better. 

Jung Hoseok was a good man, no matter how much he had tried to mask it. He was willing to forfeit his own life to save yours, even though he had always made sure to let you know how much he had resented you. Seeing him lying there in front of you, it was difficult. Difficult because you felt guilty. Guilty, because you had cheated death numerous times in the past few weeks alone; so why couldn’t he?  

At three in the morning, when you thought there were no more tears left, the door to the room opened and you couldn’t avoid the truth any longer. 

“Hey, Y/N, I saw your light was still on and just wanted to check in with you before –“ Namjoon stopped in his tracks as he looked at you sitting next to his brother. You never dared to look at him, terrified of the look in his eyes, but you didn’t need to. Namjoon knew exactly what your silence meant. He slowly approached the two of you with a quiet step, as if any sound he would make could cause more harm to the situation.  

Namjoon sat down next to you and took one of Hoseok’s hands in his. It was as if both of them had frozen in time as Namjoon kept that pose for what felt like hours until a single tear rolled down Namjoon’s cheek while he kept looking at the friend he had just lost. You had never seen him cry, especially not since you had joined Bangtan. He had always been the strong leader that would keep his cool and would reassure everyone that everything would turn out just fine with his presence alone. But not this time. This time just believing in a miracle was simply hopeless. “Why are you being so selfish, Hoseok-ah?” he whispered with a sombre voice as he clenched a fist with his free hand. Suddenly, he stood up and out of nowhere punched Hoseok square in the face. “Are you really leaving at a time like this?” he paused for just a second before he added a quick “Fuck you.” Another one of Namjoon’s hits landed on his deceased friend’s face. Namjoon was ready to unleash more of his rage on him, but before he could continue, you did the only thing you could in that situation. 

You didn’t fear getting in Namjoon’s way as you quietly hugged him from behind, your face burrowed in between his sharp shoulder blades and your arms wrapped tightly around his waist. He was in the middle of another swing when he noticed you holding him as he abruptly stopped his movements. His entire body tensed up at your touch, before he finally dismissed his irrational anger and let his sorrow unfold. He stood there like a helpless child, his arms and head hanging low in defeat. After a few minutes, he turned around to you and pulled you into a wistful embrace as he buried his head in your shoulder for comfort and cried. “This isn’t fair.” Namjoon whispered under his soft sobs. He cried for his lost brother, for lost time, for lost sacrifices and for lost memories. Namjoon truly cared about every single one of Bangtan’s members as if they really were his family, but he seemed to have had a special connection with Hoseok. A connection that would now be one-sided. 

--- 

You couldn’t fathom how quickly a week had passed, it was as if in the blink of an eye you had skipped multiple days at once with a hazy recap of everybody else getting involved in the preparations for Hoseok’s funeral. It was… truly heart-breaking seeing their spirits so low. Nobody laughed, everybody only spoke the bare-minimum and Namjoon had locked himself up for most of it in his apartment. Everyone was, simply put, completely miserable. It felt as if when Hoseok left this world, he took everyone’s hope with him. 

Eventually, the seven of you had gathered in the loft of The Slaughterhouse, after finally having received Hoseok’s ashes. All of you were sitting around a table, drinks were poured even in the early hours of the day as you blankly stared at the urn centre piece. 

“So,” Seokjin suddenly broke the silence, “what are we going to do with him?” He looked into the round and was only met with more silence and cluelessness in everyone’s eyes. 

“We could spread his ashes.” You said. Having Hoseok’s urn sit around the loft and collecting dust wasn’t what he deserved. 

“But where?” Jimin asked. 

“It should be at his cabin.” Namjoon chimed in with determination written all over his face. “He hated it here,” Namjoon chuckled lightly, “and he would haunt us until the end of time if we left him anywhere other than his home.” Everyone, including yourself, smiled at his words. They knew he was right and you had seen Hoseok hold a never-ending grudge first hand. For what it was worth, you thought it felt fitting for someone that seemingly preferred his own company over others. And so, all of you decided to meet up at his cabin that evening. 

--- 

A few hours later you were sitting in a car with Yoongi, Seokjin and Namjoon on your way to the last place you thought you’d ever be again: Hoseok’s home. On the lonely country road, you were overcome with emotions and memories, as if they had just happened yesterday. You clearly remembered your first trip with Jimin to meet Hoseok and how nervous you were to stand up to him. You remembered how he taught you to use a gun. You remembered sharing a meal with him. You remembered finding out about his past and you remembered him finally letting down his walls. And still, after everything that has happened, you felt guilty. 

You looked over to Namjoon as he quietly stared out the window, his elbow casually propped on the armrest of the door and his head resting on his palm. He looked lost, as if the death of his friend had rid him of his purpose. You silently took his hand in yours, mimicked his pose and stared out the window. You wanted him to know you were there for him, even if he didn’t ask for it. Both of you needed comfort on this tragic day. He squeezed your hand lightly in return and tightly held onto it for the rest of the drive. 

When you finally arrived at your destination, everyone just… sat there for a while. Nobody wanted to leave the car, nobody wanted to take a step into his home knowing he won’t be there to greet you or curse you out or close the door on you. Everybody knew this was most likely the last time they’d come here and then this would be just another abandoned shack in the middle of the woods. 

“I need some fresh air.” Yoongi muttered as he hurriedly left the car and immediately lit a cigarette as soon as he had closed the door behind him, before he walked off and far away from everyone else. Ever since you had left the warehouse, he had distanced himself from you and with Hoseok’s passing it just seemed to have gotten worse. Was there something going on he wasn’t telling you? 

“I’ll go check on Yoongi.” Seokjin excused himself as well. And so, you were left alone with Namjoon. 

“You don’t have to stay with me.” You almost missed Namjoon’s words when he finally spoke. “I’m fine.” 

“Are you, though?” you asked, almost just as quietly as you unbuckled your seatbelt and turned towards him. “We barely saw you this past week. I know you’re in pain, but we need you, Namjoon. We need our leader.” 

He looked at you and blinked once, twice, as your words set in. “We need our leader?” he smirked. He didn’t even bother trying to hide his pride, he was simply happy you finally saw yourself as one of them. Until he pointed it out to you, you hadn’t realised it yourself. But you truly were one of Bangtan. You finally wanted to be one of them. It felt like this was what it had to come to for you to accept your destiny. 

“Oh geez, don’t make such a big deal out of it.” You blushed a little, but it was true and it felt right. 

“You know what, though? You’re right.” Even if he wanted to, this was not the time for teasing. He slapped his hands on his legs, filled with determination. “Hoseok would hate to see his family go down like this. We’re fighters, so let’s continue fighting on.” You smiled from ear to ear at his encouraging words, even if you weren’t sure this really was his final resolve. 

When it was eventually starting to get dark outside, everyone had finally gathered all their courage to come together around a cosy campfire behind the rundown cabin to start the final journey of Hoseok’s life at his last resting place. Everyone was standing in a circle while the fire crackled into the night and Namjoon firmly held onto the urn. “First off, I’d like to thank everyone for coming.” He let out a heavy sigh as he started his speech. 

“I know this is hard for all of us and I’m sure this is the last place any one of us saw themselves be. Hoseok wasn’t just any ordinary guy and I was actually sure he’d outlive all of us out of pure spite.” Namjoon chuckled wistfully. “But alas, here we are. Saying our final goodbyes to our beloved brother, who gave his own life to protect his family. I’m sure all of you have something to say about him, so I will stop my rambling here and whoever wants to go next can have the spotlight.” He looked expectantly into the group and as you followed his mourning gaze, you saw a sweet memory spark up behind everyone’s eyes as they remembered the man of the day. 

“I will go first, then.” Seokjin cleared his throat before he began his sweet anecdote and everyone quietly took a seat on the long wooden logs behind them. 

One after another they had a special story to share about Hoseok. About his kindness that he would never show to anyone other than his brothers. How he was always there when you needed him, no matter the time or day and no matter how big or small the favour was. They spoke about how humble he was, never asking for anything other than to be part of a family. 

By the time everyone had finished, it was already pitch black around you, but nobody cared how long it took to spill their hearts out. And then all eyes suddenly landed on you. 

“What about you, Y/N?” Jimin asked, “Anything you want to say?” 

“Oh, uhm…” You were taken aback. Did you really have the right to speak about him after only knowing him for such a short amount of time? But you quickly earned an answer as Namjoon gave you a quick nudge, as if had read the question was clearly written all over your face. “I may not have been able to get to know him better, but the last day I got to spend with him really showed what an amazing person Hoseok-ssi was.” You looked at everyone in the group. Some of them had tears in their eyes, if it was because of their own speeches they held a few minutes before you or because they were touched you were saying a few words of your own about him, you didn’t know. Some of them looked at you with hope and a caring smile as you spoke. But one of them averted his gaze from you all together and it pained you that it had to be him.  

Yoongi was fixated on the beer bottle in his hand, rubbing off the paper label as his defined jawline clenched up with every word you spoke. “I don’t think I can ever repay what he did for me that night and I am so grateful for his forgiveness of the mistakes I’ve made in the past. I wish there was more that I could have done for him and I wish I would have made more of an effort to get to know the Hoseok you all loved so much –” 

“Bullshit.” Yoongi scoffed as he looked at you with an ice cold glare. ”This is all your fault and you know it.” Even though you were on the same level, he was clearly looking down on you as he tilted his head, taunting your very presence at this gathering that was supposed to be an intimate moment among family. “If you wouldn’t have joined us, he’d still be here with us.” 

“Come on, Yoongi. I think you’ve had enough.” Seokjin tried to make an effort to take the beer bottle out of his hand, but Yoongi quickly avoided him, accidentally knocked over the five other bottles that were piling up next to him and held onto it tightly. 

“No, you guys are just being fucking delusional here.” He continued his outburst. “Ever since she’s been with us, we’ve had nothing but trouble. People are getting stabbed or shot, we’re being followed everywhere we go and now one of us is dead, for fuck’s sake! She’s jinxing us! We’ve been doing this for years without any major hiccups, but now shit is hitting the fan all at once. Don’t you think that’s even just a little fucking weird?” Yoongi stood up from his seat, “I’m sick and tired of this shit.” And with that, he left the fire and went inside Hoseok’s cabin. 

Tears were running down your cheeks as you blankly stared into the crackling fire, unable to move or say anything. What could you say to that? He was right. And, deep down, everybody knew it, even though none of them wanted to admit it. 

“Y/N, I’m sorry, he’s just drunk.” Jimin sat next to you and put an arm around your shoulders. 

“That doesn’t give him the right to speak like this to one of our own.” Namjoon glared in the direction of the cabin, as if he was trying to reach Yoongi through the walls with his piercing gaze. 

“I’m so sorry.” You said through your sobs and sunk your head into your hands. And with that, everyone’s mood had reached a new low. 

--- 

A few hours later, you had calmed down and were once again chatting with the others, still sitting around the fire and reminiscing about every memorable moment they had spent with Hoseok. The stories just kept on coming, mainly because everyone knew once they stopped, this would really mean saying goodbye to their beloved friend and none of them were ready for that. Not yet. His urn was still sitting next to Namjoon, and they knew they had to spread his ashes eventually, but not until everyone was present. 

“What time is it?” Namjoon asked into the round. 

“Uhm, let me check.” Taehyung held up his index finger as he pulled his phone out of his pocket. “Five minutes to twelve.” 

“I think someone should go get him.” Namjoon didn’t dare to say Yoongi’s name, still too angry about the way he left the fire. But he didn’t need to. Everyone around the fire suddenly felt tense thinking about what had happened only a few hours ago.

“I’ll do it.” Seokjin stood up from his seat and walked towards the cabin. He knew, as the eldest and Namjoon’s right hand, it was his responsibility to keep a level head when their leader could not.

Only a minute had passed since he went inside, when you suddenly heard both men yelling at each other and everyone hurriedly ran to see what was going on, including yourself. But when you finally reached the entrance, you couldn’t believe what you were seeing. 

Yoongi was sitting in Hoseok’s armchair, his eyes wide with a mixture of anger and insanity behind them as he pointed his gun at Seokjin. “Don’t you see, hyung? She’s ruining us from the inside.” Yoongi spoke in a menacing tone when he realised everyone had gathered around the broad-shouldered man. 

“Woah, Yoongi hyung, calm down!” Jimin was trying to calm the situation down and slowly made his way towards the armed man. Inch by inch he closed the distance, until he suddenly stopped in his tracks.

“Don’t fucking take another step closer.” Yoongi pointed his gun at Jimin’s feet and sent out a warning shot just in front of him within a split second. 

“This is going too far. Put the gun down, Yoongi.” Seokjin held his hands up and spoke in a composed manner to keep the situation from escalating further. 

“The fuck I –“ Yoongi never got to finish his sentence. The next thing you heard was another gunshot that landed right between his eyes. You let out a terrified and pained scream that felt like your heart was ripped out of your chest, before you ran up to Yoongi and held him in your arms as the blood started streaming over his face and coloured your shirt a crimson red. “Yoongi…” you whispered, your tears dripping down on his lifeless body as you slowly started rocking him back and forth and closed your eyes, hoping this was all just a bad dream.

“What the –“ everyone simultaneously spun around and saw the smoking barrel that was attached to Namjoon’s weapon. “We don’t need any more liabilities in our family.” He said, unfazed by what he had just done and with a complete lack of remorse in his eyes.

And then the old grandfather clock in the living room let out its toll that echoed through the night. The world around you came to a halt and everything and everyone froze in their place. 

--- 

Tick. Tick. Tick. You opened your eyes again and you were back in the practice, cold sweat running down your forehead as you frantically looked around and spotted Hoseok lying in his bed, strapped up to all the machinery. This was when you felt a cruel sense of déjà vu. Hasn’t this happened before? And if it did, why did time turn back to exactly one week ago? It was as if you had gotten a glimpse into a dark and painful future. Or maybe your mind was playing tricks on you. But maybe, just maybe, this was a second chance to save him. The echo of the machine was drowned out by your pained wails as you sunk next to Hoseok onto the bed and tightly grabbed a hold of his gown. Why did you have to go through this again? Was this some kind of sick joke the universe played on you? 

That's when you noticed it; the smallest movement of his finger. No, it couldn't have been real. You told yourself you only wanted to see him move to ease the pain as you anxiously checked the machines. You looked over everything again and again as you swore the twitching in his digits continued. Maybe it was even getting stronger? Lastly, you inspected the clip on his finger and to your surprise you realised it was no longer attached to him. His steady movements had shaken it off as he fought for his consciousness to return back to reality. A shocked and hopeful gasp escaped your lips, before you repositioned it on his hand and waited for just a second. A second so painfully drawn out it felt like time was standing still again as you held your breath and tightly onto his free hand.   

Beep. Beep. Beep.

"Hoseok-ssi…" It was a reflex as natural as breathing, you whispered his name like it was a word you couldn’t live without.  

The sound of the machine filled the room once again as you quietly sat with him. He was so close, yet so far away. Trapped in his own mind, light-years from reality. “I believe in you.” You lightly squeezed his hand, your words casting a comforting and protective shield around him as the warmth of his being projected a similar sensation in your palm. You owed your life to him and this time, you were ready to protect him as well. 

--- 

The following morning you were woken up by a faint knock and you found yourself lying right next to Hoseok, who was still in his unchanged state, as the door to your room opened carefully. “Knock knock.” You saw Namjoon step inside with a cup of coffee in each hand. “I hope I did it right this time?” he smiled coyly. As you propped yourself up and rubbed the sleep from your eyes, he sat down on the chair next to you with a sheepishness in his eyes that caused a sense of nostalgia within you. You remembered this smile well. Whenever you had a big fight, he would look at you this way. It was his way of feeling the air between the two of you as he waited for a reaction. “How is he?” he asked to break the ice as he handed you one of the cups which you immediately encased with both of your hands.

Well, that was a tough one to answer. On one hand, he seemed to start regaining his consciousness, which obviously was a good thing. On the other hand, was this even reality? “I… I think he’s… doing okay…” you answered cautiously. In case this was really happening, you didn’t want to jinx anything.

Namjoon nodded, a hint of disappointment visible on his face. But there was something else. He was clearly gathering his courage as he struggled to find the words for a few minutes, so both of you sipped on your coffee in silence. “Listen, about our conversation yesterday…” he finally spoke up.

“You were right.” You quickly interrupted him as you looked down and fiddled with your thumbs. It pained you to admit it. Not because of the defeat itself, but because you had trusted Taehyung so much you were willing to pick a fight over it with someone you used to be so close to. 

“I’m sorry, Y/N.” Namjoon gently placed his hand on yours, encasing it entirely. Maybe you had been wrong about him, too? He had given you so much support, during what could have only been described as the worst of times, yet you only focussed on the negatives. 

“Don’t be. It’s not your fault.” You sighed, still avoiding his eyes. “If anything, I should be the one apologising to you.” You wanted to say more. You wanted to do more. You felt a deep remorse as you thought about all the times you should have apologised to him. But he wouldn’t let you. 

“How about neither one of us apologises and we reset everything. Again.” You suddenly looked at him. The kind smile his lips had curled up to, the forgiving look he gave you, his charming dimples; You couldn’t help but smile back. “I’d like that very much.” 

“So,” he quickly changed the topic, “how are you holding up?” His voice was calm and the concern in his eyes showed his true emotions. It wasn’t just a simple and awkward conversation starter. With everything that had happened and with how you had been acting those past couple of days, he really wanted to know more.  

“I…” but how were you really doing? Ever since you had started spending time with Taehyung, you tried your best to forget about everything and your feelings were nothing but a jumbled mess. “I don’t really know, to be completely honest.” You sighed. “I haven’t really thought about it lately. A lot happened at once, but everything suddenly calmed down as quickly as it started. It kind of feels somewhat… unreal?” 

“Like the calm before the storm.” He finished your thought and looked as if he was reminiscing about a painful memory. As if he knew that same exact feeling too well.  

Whenever you had gotten a break like this, something worse was always lurking just around the corner. Hell, you still hadn’t had enough time to come to terms with the death of your parents because of all the other problems that started piling up. “I feel like no matter how quiet it is right now, it won’t last. And before I know it, somebody else gets hurt.” With Namjoon right by your side, you finally had someone you could talk to about everything. He still knew you the best after all. You blankly stared at your coffee, deep in thought and contemplating telling him about the events of the previous night, but quickly decided against it to protect him. And because you actually weren’t sure what really happened last night. It was a trance that could only be broken by his words. 

“This might sound odd, but it’s a good thing you feel that way.” Confusion was written all over your face when you looked at him, as if he was speaking an entirely different language. “In our world, danger, pain and betrayal are constantly lingering somewhere in the darkness. You might think you can trust these quiet moments, but it will always come back to haunt you.” He took a deep breath, before he slowly unbuttoned his white shirt and revealed a long deep scar across his chest. It seemed to have healed up years ago, but that didn’t make it any less scary. 

“How did –“ your words came out as a whisper, but the shock behind them was loud and clear. 

“This is the reason I’ve formed Bangtan.” He said just as quietly, but there was a hint of anger in his otherwise sad tone. “When my old gang decided to walk down the wrong path and turn against one another, Seokjin was the only one I could rely on. This is a constant reminder that you can’t trust anyone. Even if you think they are family.” You reflexively moved your hand closer to the scar, as if you were drawn to it like a moth to a flame. You could sense the physical and mental pain he had endured just by looking at it. As your fingertips slowly reached his chest, his body suddenly tensed up for just a second, as if your touch alone was hurting an open wound, and he quickly held onto your hand with his, seemingly to stop it from opening up any further. 

This tender moment finally made you realise something: You might have known everything about Kim Namjoon, but you knew absolutely nothing about the man in front of you. The two were no longer one and the same. He had led his own life since he had left, he had endured his own hardships and happiness. All this time you had compared him to the boy he once was, without ever recognising him as the person he had become. Seokjin’s words were echoing in your head and you had to admit he was right. You were still living in the past, but you decided you finally wanted to spend your life in the present.

As you felt his heartbeat with your fingertips and his large hand on yours, you felt as if you were burning up inside, as if every moment you spent not looking in his eyes was pure torture to you. When his gentle gaze fell upon yours, the tension between you started to feel unbearable. He looked at you as if he had just fallen head over heels for you and he was suddenly in awe. His plump lips parted ever so slightly as he stared into your eyes and you were pulled towards them as if you were under his spell. The distance between you was closed inch by inch and, for the first time in a while, it felt like the stars had finally aligned for the two of you.

There suddenly were no more thoughts about the past, no resentment and no what ifs. It was just you and him, sitting across one another. You were merely inches away from him, but you were closer than you had ever been. Now that you finally saw him for who he had become, you realised how stupid the grudge you had held onto for so long really was. Namjoon was gentle and kind, even after whatever it was he had endured. He was considerate of your feelings, considerate of the time and space you needed to process everything and, most importantly, he was protective of the people he loved, which he had proven a number of times included you.  

You could feel his warm breath against your skin as you closed the distance between you. It was as if a window opened after you had closed the door on your relationship, as if there really could be something between you again and all you needed to do was give him a chance. It was finally your time and your lips were about to touch as the long-awaited drumroll kicked in.

But, as life would have it, that never happened. You were unexpectedly interrupted when his phone started ringing and both of you let out an annoyed sigh. You hurriedly pulled back and your cheeks turned a bright shade of pink as he picked up the call. “What is it?” he said, slightly out of breath. 

You phased out the entire conversation as you regained your composure and fell in deep thought. It felt right, but that didn’t mean it was. Was this really what you wanted? Maybe. But was this really what you needed? Were you just trying to fill a void in your heart? No matter how you looked at it, you needed more information before you could decide. 

"I'm sorry, that was Jungkook." His eyes fell back on yours as he spoke. The conversation apparently ended much quicker than you had anticipated. "Looks like work is picking up early today." Even though he gently smiled at you and lovingly stroked your cheek, the tension between you felt unresolved. You were looking around the room as he buttoned up his shirt again, trying your hardest to avoid any awkward conversations about what just happened, when you noticed the calendar next to the door.  

"The wedding!" You suddenly exclaimed, a little louder than you had intended.  

"Huh?" Namjoon looked at you, confusion written all over his face when he stopped in his tracks.  

"Minseo-ah's wedding is next weekend!" You had completely forgotten about it because of the events of the previous weeks when your mood quickly dropped. You used to long for a normal life, and this might have been your only chance of ever getting it back. A normal life. Those days seemed so close, yet so far away. Was it even still possible? 

"If…" Namjoon paused, struggling to find the words as he nervously scratched the back of his head. "If you want to, we can still go together. Maybe. But only if you really want to. Don't feel like you have to say yes. No pressure. I just thought you might –" he stammered, before you kindly put a stop to it.  

“Oh, this is awkward…” you said, hiding a big grin as his shoulders sunk in defeat, “My high school sweetheart already asked me a while back. Sooo…” Who said you couldn’t crack a joke every now and then? You could feel the sigh of relief he let out when he realised what was going on. 

"I would love to." You smiled brightly at him when you finally gave him a proper answer. Maybe this was exactly what you needed to find your answers. You hadn't gotten to know him – the real him – very well in the little time you had spent with him since you had been reunited, this would be the perfect opportunity to do so.  

He grinned from ear to ear at your words, a dorky smile you hadn't seen since he had first asked you out years ago, before he continued his way towards the door. "Yes! Okay. Great! Cool. I mean… uh… I will see you later then." Namjoon finger gunned backwards and accidentally walked against the closed door before he hurriedly left the room in embarrassment. Maybe there still was a bit of the old Namjoon left inside him after all? 

--- 

Your day was already off to a great start. You were feeling confident in yourself and your decisions again for the first time since the incident with Hoseok and you were filled with energy. So, you decided to go for a run in the park in front of the practice. Nothing too intense, just enough to get a good sweat in so you could get back into the swing of working out again. Ever since you had left the warehouse, you had let your exercise slip and you started to notice it. But now, with Hoseok’s state taking a turn for the better, you finally felt at ease again. There was still hope. For you. For Hoseok. For Bangtan.

You happily changed into something comfortable, put on some sneakers and plugged your earphones into your phone before you descended down the elevator and took in the fresh daytime air. This was great. You were focussed, smiling and completely feeling yourself listening to music that continuously pushed you on. Every time you passed a stranger that happened to look at you, you gave them a friendly nod and a big grin as you ran and shared all of your positive vibes with the rest of the world. And when you eventually returned to the practice and were about to go for a shower, there was one more surprise fate had up its sleeve. 

"Wh-Where… Am… I…?" The voice was quiet and in rough shape, his throat had completely dried out, but you recognised it immediately and let out a surprised gasp. 

"Hoseok-ssi!" You almost screamed his name in excitement as you immediately sprinted towards him and gave him a long overdue hug. 

"Oof!" He exhaled deeply as you crashed into him, a tender smile resting on his face. "C-Care…ful, please." 

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry!” you hurriedly let go of him as you continued rambling on. “I'm just so excited you're awake and –" 

"Wa…ter…" He slowly reached out his hand towards the bottle on your nightstand. 

"Yes, of course!" You quickly retrieved the bottle and a glass and filled it for him, before you carefully started helping him drink every last drop. 

It took about half an hour to get him into a condition where he could speak freely again and another thirty minutes to help him go to the bathroom after he refused to let you continue babying him - as he put it - but eventually you were both in a place where you could finally talk about everything that had happened. 

"You know, being in a coma is an experience I can't recommend." He chuckled, an awkward attempt to lighten the mood when he saw the tears that were welling up in your eyes as you looked at him, filled with hope. "You can hear everything that's going on, but nobody can hear you yelling at them to leave you alone." 

"E-Everything?!" You repeated, your face turning hot pink as you remembered every conversation you've had in this very room while Hoseok was lying in his bed.

"Look, whatever is going on between you and Yoongi hyung… or you and Taehyung-ah… or you and Namjoon-ah is none of my business. But maybe take your conversations somewhere else if someone is in the room with you from now on. Even if you think he's unconscious." He smiled, visibly enjoying teasing you. 

"I am so sorry, Hoseok-ssi…" You didn't dare looking at him once as he listed off all the men in your life that were causing you a major headache. 

"But, in all seriousness," he gently took your hand in his as he spoke and his eyes looked almost apologetic when you finally looked at him again, "thank you for saving me. I know this wasn't easy on you either, but I appreciate you believing in me when I needed you the most."

That was… Unexpected. A genuine Thank You was the last thing you saw coming from someone that had, until recently, only shown you resentment and anger. "Hoseok-ssi… You don't have to –"

"But I do." he quickly interrupted you. "All I did was being rude to you and that wasn't fair. You were already going through a lot and my comments were unnecessary." 

"You've saved my life, too, Hoseok-ssi." You smiled brightly at him, tears starting to roll down your cheeks. "I'm just so happy you are alive and well." You tried to wipe away all of your tears with your sleeve, but to no avail, they just kept on coming and when you eventually gave up and looked back up, you saw something you had never expected to see in your life. Hoseok was looking at you, crying – just like you were – as he finally showed his true self to you for the first time since you've met. This was the real Hoseok he was hiding behind that spiky mask. Raw and uncut. He hated seeing you cry, even if they were happy tears, and couldn't hold his own emotions back any longer when he eventually pulled you in for a tight embrace that both of you needed in that moment. You did, because the heavy weight you had carried was finally lifted off your shoulders. He did, for reasons he wouldn't reveal to you until a much later point in time.

[futurewriter2000]

Secrets and lies ~ Part 7

A/N: Part 7 is posted and sorr for making it short buh i don’t really know what to write on this part plus i kinda like the ending. Anyway enjoy.

TAGS:  @shadyladyperfection, @nadinissavage, @geeksareunique, @huflerin, @paigeyisme, @mrsdaamneron

WARNING: yeah sorry. Really sorry.

Other parts ---> MASTERLIST

xx

You waited. Of course you waited. He was your boyfriend. You needed to wait.

But you were growing impatient. A week after you got released from the hospital wing you hoped to see him, to explain the situation but he was nowhere to be found.

Again. He disappeared again. Just like he did last time.

Remus didn’t want to tell you, neither did James or Peter. You asked around if anybody saw him even Regulus but he didn’t want to hear a word about his brother at the moment.

But you did. You wanted Sirius. You needed him. The Wilson’s disease was a fucked up disease and you needed him. You needed him by your side.

You felt a touch on your hand. Your thought’s got interrupted and you looked at the boy, who was holding your hand. Your brother, Remus. “Are you okay?” he asked, his voice gentle and soft always managing to calm you down a bit.

“Yeah. Just...” you simpered, turning your gaze away from Remus for a moment.

“Sirius?” he asked as he saw you struggling with words.

“Yeah.” you sighed out, burrying your head in your palms. “I just wish he was here. He’s been avoiding me for weeks and I can’t bare another thought of him in my head.” you spoke and lifted your head to reveal few falling tears on your cheek.

Remus put his hand on your cheek and brushed the tears away. “Oh, (y/n).” 

“Does he hate me?” you suddenly blurted out.

He must hate you. If you heard yourself hear the words you said to his brother, you would hate yourself too.

Regulus was indeed your first crush. The boy you fell in love with and the boy you thought you would get married to. But it was just a crush. A childhood crush and that is what it’s always going to be.

With Sirius was different. He knew how to make you laugh, he was the only one who managed to make you hate him and love him at the same time. He was kind, spoiling you rotten... And his kisses. His kisses were the ones who made you think he was the one. He was the one you saw your future with.

But he wasn’t here. He wasn’t there when you needed him the most.

“He doesn’t hate you, Lu. He loves you and right now he only needs a little bit of time. I’ll tell him and if he doesn’t show up, he might not be the one.” said Remus and stood up to take you to your dorm.

But you wanted him to be the one. It sounds so sappy and cheesy but you just felt. You felt it.

“You know I can walk on my own.” you chuckled and took his hands.

“I’m not taking any chances with you anymore.” he replied and escorted you up the stairs.

Remus walked in his dorm, seeing each of his roomates in his own corner. James was polishing his badge, Peter was reading a book and Sirius was playing with the new toy he got from Hogsmeade.

“Oi, Pads. Can I talk to you?” asked Remus and all heads turned at his direction, “Alone.” he added and rolled his  eyes as four curious eyes watched him.

“Yeah, sure mate.” smiled Sirius and walked out with Remus.

When they were both out on the hall, Remus turned to Sirius and spoke. “Sirius, What are you doing with my sister?” he spat out, his eyes not showing any kind of anger, just concern.

Sirius’ expression immediately went pale. To be honest, even he didn’t know what he was doing. All he knew was what he felt whenever he thought of you. He felt anger. He felt rage and envy, betrayal and he felt stupid. Stupid for falling for you.

He pulled his belt up, fixing his pants and he ran his hand through his hair. “What do you mean?” he then later rubbed his hands together, showing signs of nervousness.

“I mean she has been dying to talk with you and you don’t even bother to give her a chance to explain.” Remus spoke harshly, slowly getting irratated by his sudden unseriousness.

“James’ explained everything.” was all that Sirius could say. He was never in this kind of position. To be honest he just wanted to be done with everything. With this anger and with all these secrets you were keeping from him.

“Oh, James explained everything.” Remus mocked, his face turning red. “ My sister is sick, Sirius! She is sick! “ he pointed out the facts, his fists clenching and the veins on his neck slowly popping out. “She is sick and she needs you and you don’t even care! If you want to break up with her than at least tell her that instead of hiding in your dorm all day. You are a poor excuse for a Gryffindor. No bravery, no chilvary and no bloody honor.” he finished and stormed away from him.

Sirius was speechless. He knew he would have to face Remus one day but him yelling at him like that. Like this...it was different. Maybe because he was right. He was a poor excuse for a Gryffindor. What was he doing? 

“Ughh!!” he shouted, holding the sides of his head. 

Everything is so hard. Everything is so confusing, such a mess and he had no clue how to fix it.

“Hey, Remus your watch fell in my..” you spoke, your eyes setting on the broken boy in front of you and your smile quickly turning into a frown. “..dorm.” you finished, putting the watch back in your pocket and watch him turn to you.

Sirius heart ached the moment he saw your face. Your beautiful face he hasn’t seen in weeks, months. Merlin he wanted to wrap you in his arms and never ever let you go. He wanted to grab your face and press his lips onto yours. Just the sight of you made him realize how long he missed you. The longing of your laugh or the lust of your touch. He wanted you, only you.

But the anger...the anger was still there.

“Sirius..” you spoke softly, your voice quiet but clear enough for him to hear his name come from your lips again, enough to make him melt at the sound of it.

He was so angry. So furious with you right now. Your presence made his blood boil but it also made him feel happy.

Such a mess. He, He was such a mess.

“Sirius.” you repeated, taking a step closer but he quickly stepped away from you, lifting his hand and signalling you to stay away.

It hurt. It hurt to know that you hurt him that bad. So bad he can’t even look at you.

“I can’t.” he spoke glumly.

“You can’t? You can’t what?” you asked, your stomach suddenly turning into a big knot while your thoughts praying to the gods that he doesn’t mean what you think he means.

“I can’t keep doing this.”

“Keep doing what?” you started to sobb, tears falling down your cheeks and your voice starting to shake. “You didn’t even give me a chance to explain!” you hollered. “You hid in the shadows, leaving me alone!”

“Wasn’t I always in the shadows!” he shouted back, his glistened eyes finally meeting yours. “I was there with you, every day. Every bloody day! “ his voice started to crack a bit as he continued to try hold back his tears. “Every day I sat by your side, hold your hand and pray for you to wake up. I couldn’t  sleep! I couldn’t eat. All I could think about was you! You and those pretty eyes of yours finally opening to me. But no!” he scoffed and threw his hands in the air. “You decided to wake up for my brother. The guy who only visited you once! ONCE! “

“Sirius-”

“You woke up for him, (y/n). Do you know how that makes me feel?”

“If you would just let me explain.”

“I’m done listening to you explain and to your lies. You know what hurts the most, that I actually love you and I said that every day when you were on that hospital bed. I love you and the funny thing is that I never meant to. I never meant to fall in love with you but you just had to...you just had to..God!” he fumed, struggling with his own words. “I’m done.”

“Sirius, please don’t.” you begged, trying to get a hold of his hand but he only turned you his back. 

“I’m done with this.” he finally finished and walked out of the hall.

The pain. The pain was so strong you didn’t even know something could hurt this much. Your legs were running. They were just running and you didn’t even care where. But you still ended running to the only person, you could count on. To be there for you.

“Hey. Did you give him his watch back?” she smilled, finally looking from her book and noticing your red eyes, filled with tears and sorrow. “Wha-what happened?” she asked and you just ran in her embrace, her hand wrapping around you and holding you tight.

“It’s over!” you sobbed in her chest, her hand carresing your head as you only continued to wept. “It’s done. He’s done!”