#i fuckin hate it here sometimes bruh

[lemon-shortbread]

when your job has you too panicked to be horny

[abbysbug]

streamer!ellie x streamer!abby HCs

a/n: umm i got nothing to say, it just looks empty without anything here

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

• they literally act like they hate each other.

"who is this fatass taking up half my screen, bruh."

"shut the fuck up, williams. our characters are literally identical."

"nuh uh."

• the characters are identical, they're matching.

• their viewers love watching them banter.

@carpetmuncherwilliams abby ate my last taco. should i grief her house in minecraft or no

@therealabbyanderson replied If you grief my house, I'll fuck you up IRL.

@carpetmuncherwilliams replied she's legit abusive guys ;(((

• they normally play team games together. even though they're always yelling at each other, their teamwork is insanely good.

"hell fuckin' yeah, abby! that's literally my girlfriend, chat."

"ellie, we are not girlfriends, stop spreading lies."

ellie looks at her camera with a smirk and winks, "not yet we aren't."

• they're so cutiez in public. they're always holding at least one part of each others body.

• there's so many pics of them on the internet of them being all over each other.

• they're each other's wallpapers!!!

"abs, do you have diamonds you can give me. i need 3."

abby glances at her inventory filled with 15 diamonds, "no."

@freyaismyqueen she has 15 in her inventory

"abby, you bitch. give me all your diamonds, right now."

"fuck you- what is your name, lemme see..freya is my queen, fuck you."

"be nice, stupid head."

@freyaismyqueen she also has 3 stacks of diamonds in her chests

"freya, im gonna fuck you up, i swear."

“she doesn’t mean it.”

“yes, the fuck, i do. sleep with one eye open.”

• she’s a little aggressive sometimes

[hueningkoi]

My sister bought this like off brand less expensive roomba vacuum bot and named it Norman and I thought he was so cute at first but then I grew to fucking hate him because he sucks! He always got stuck under things and sucked up cords sometimes fucking up my charger cords so i had to replace them and he got lost all the time he was a menace and then he kept getting stuck so much I swear it messed with his circuits idk he started getting all screwy and would act like he's drunk and not vacuum right ugh he was my fuckin nemesis!!! lol so once he finally broke completely I was like yes fuck you Norman!!!! And then my sister opened the door one day to a new delivery and is like yay the new vacuum bot is here! And I'm like NOOOOO!!!!!!! She named her Tina. fuck you Tina you aint getting a welcome from me bruh I already hate you. And of course not even 30 minutes after setting Tina loose in the house my sister is like wait I haven't seen tina where is she?? I'm like idk maybe she ran away I wish she did. Well no one could find her but a while later I go into the bathroom and there she fuckin is! Stuck! Wedged between the wall and the sink! She's just like her dumb idiot brother norman!!!!! And I was like��� TINA. MY NEW ARCH NEMISIS. 😑

[originemesis]

@electriccapitalist xxx

"I'm a reality warper dumbass. I can alter shit to allow for a mouth and change certain elements of my body at will. It's how I have a foot long functional tongue and can eat food. Or can break between the dimensions of television and the real world as if I were omnipresent. You think I haven't learned how to give head with this handicap? Christ." Vox shoves Adam away. That has got to be a world record for getting the ick and any semblance of attraction nose diving straight into the negatives. Yeah. No rebound depression sex was worth this. If anything Vox is just disappointed in himself for even considering it cause fuckin yikes. Adam really knows how to kill the mood and make an already sad person feel even more like shit. Vox should have stuck with a vibrator. "I'd rather kill myself." The overlord needs a cold shower and a stiff drink. "You, a phone and your hand can take it from here. I think I'm over it."

A snort escapes him, despite his best efforts to keep his amusement under wraps. Fucking with people without actually fucking them is tough work sometimes, especially when the subject of the matter is actually hilarious. "Oh, so you're like old Lucifer and his rogue pussy, huh~?" A roll of the eyes and a shake of the horns. Almost like he knew all too well about that-...not that he did! No, not really. Really.

"Bruh, I eat with my mask on alllllllll the time. You make it sound like such an accomplishment ~ guess you need the pat on the ass with a face like that, hmmm?" A flat one, that is. Though the mention of the other's impediment has his talons twining the air in mild curiosity. None that it needed to be filled, of course. Just regular, run of the mill consideration.

With a stumble courtesy of the shove, he balances back out with a crack of his wings and parts with a golden grin in exchange. Perhaps one not so unlike a certain radio demon ~ though certainly shinier by all means. "Awh~ did I hurt yOR feEWINGS? Big fucking WUP."

He doesn't reach for a phone despite the advice, however ~ preferring to examine the tips of his nails instead as he muses with a chuff of a laugh lurking in his throat. "...well funny thing about HANDicaps, bruh. Can't use my hand for mine ~ unless I fucking hate myself, of course." A shrug and a swivel of a gaze later has him exhaling with some effort like even explaining a degree of the topic at hand tired him out beyond what it was worth to share.

"But that's what you get when you're highly allergic to jizz, am I right~? Well, guess you can't relate. But hey...handicaps aside, looks like we got the ' found a way to fuck nasty anyway' trait in common."

[hoonclub]

bruh, i just gotta say something to somebody bc enhypen stans can be too fuckin much sometimes.

in one of the enhypen groups i'm in on FB, there's a younger teenage girl who said she cries all the time because her brother hates sunoo and he sneaks into her room to scratch out the eyes of sunoo in all of the photocards and images in the picture books she gets. but the exact reason why she cries is because she is convinced she is going to marry sunoo once she turns 18 and she doesn't want her brother to hate her "future husband".

i get the naivety of young teenagers but come on, you're essentially a nobody and sunoo is a very famous idol. we don't live in a kdrama nor a wattpad world. you're lucky if you get to meet them for five minutes, there's a 110% chance you will not marry an idol.

ok wait pause let’s forget abt the marrying sunoo part for a second and focus on her brother BC WHY WOULD HE DO THAT THATS SO EVIL ???!!!!! 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 im sorry but someone’s parents need to do some parenting here bc … 😭😭😭😭

back to the marrying sunoo part uejehdjfhfj im gonna assume that’s she’s a minor since youre saying “she’ll turn 18” meaning that she hasnt and tbh i feel like this is just what teenagers do 🤷‍♀️ it’ll be more concerning if she’s wayy older LMFAO but i get it being concerning if she’s crying all the time about it uejdhdjdh 😭 all we can do is hope she’ll get over it and realize the Hard Truth 🫶🏼☝🏼

[always-me-meha]

Ewwww word vomitted my man.

Think he ignored me on purpose like damn my girl crazy sending paragraphs.

(Paranoid thinking)

No no. First was to say I'm proud of him and sorry I wasnt supportive.

I'm glad he's wanting to go back to school and quit stuff and I'll be here with him along the way.

I start word vomiting memories with him oops...

( when he first told me this, I was an ass ignoring the conversation really and we fought over bullshit and just gah never talked about it all weekend. I just wanted him to know I DID HEAR HIM and I really care. I'm proud he wants to work on himself )

oh and I apologized I never give him a chance to talk, I over talk over him then he gives up.

Makes me sad cause boo I wanna hear what you have to say!!!! But he just like nope forget it.... I'll learn to slow down so I can hear you, that's all I want. Him to be comfortable and open with me. I love listening to him, just sometimes he so quiet and I just idk hahaha get used to talking like the whole time for the both of us. I'm weird.

He said thankyou and I love you to this. Told me sleep cause ya I'm wired.

Then I sent him another appreciation and apology over our fights....

Even though it annoys me I LOVE HE BITES BACK and doesn't tolerate my shit for being a bitch for no reason when he doesn't derseve it and I'm so sorry.

(This why I hate nice guys, they can't handle it! Can't even put me in my place when I need it so I get worse and worse)

Where with caige idk.... like yes it gets mean (him especially when he's pissed off) but I don't wanna get to that point where Im the one saying the cruelst shit I can NEVER TAKE BACK.

Bipolar rage is no joke but fuck I gotta keep that temperature from not boiling. He helps test that water man..... like man...... the one expression I have to old back is the fucking hardest!!!!

He didn't see that message :( or was like boy she on a roll hahaha but agh I just wanted him to know ya. I love him. And stuff. Sorry. I think of you. From your nutty gf.

This relationship I know is...... something I want. First time in over 10 years, all the men I've ever ignored. I chose HIM. Even after of like almost 4 years of making him sleep at the foot of my bed lolol friend zoned.

Idk agh my heart strings when I found out the song he showed me wasn't for me wah that night, the thing that made fell for him. Dammit I sooo stoopid eh. As if...... mofo lucky he got in these pants, he claims I came to him first, no dummy... I went to you after you like..... man...

Idk wanna think of back then.... it was hard. Point being, he's mine now. That month apart, did good. Seeing eachother again made him realize what the fuck he wanted. I was like TOOO late, had ur chance (HE was like ah we should've just dated, mmmm I wanted you, you didn't want me) anywho teased him till the sun came up, oi boy.... here we go again *we banged* lol.

Then shut the front door. I tried running from again. I loved him bruh was hard not having him. He was like you think this easy on me? My life is not together, I'm like nether is mine.... he wanted us both to get where we needed to be first but why torture ourselves idk... or if he just making excuses and doesn't feel the same. SET ME FREEEE.

I was gonna be like bye :( but needed my journals from him.... anyway we took my pup to dog park. Then we went to our spot. This other lil park. It was our getting high spot from weed to our coke head days, drinks, and jib man.

And it became the spot where he asked me to be hissss.

Fuckin eh. Romantically high.

Took a walk down to the bushes/trees, well pup ran around following us. Our baby hahaha he step dad now.

He leaned against fallen down tree and pulled me close, as we both smoked Dat dumb drug. But that don't matter. Just agh KNOWING WE WERE FINALLY TOGETHER. Awkwardly saying babe now smiling and glowing...

(minus my bad news at same time of those pre cancerous cells) it was like hold the phone, lemme enjoy this right now.

Agh. Just man.... me single all this time.... and it's you????

The spot (years ago) he was to drunk and high and passed out in the snow. Was so heavy, I'm like we gotta go I'm not abandoning you out here in the cold!!!!!! Tells me should've left him IM LIKE NO you my bro, I'm getting ya home safe lol

Got stuck in the ditch there backing out oops..... made him come home with me. Again we did not sleep or kiss or nothing. I loved just his presence and being fucked up with him LOL I'm pretty sure he slept at the foot of the bed still.

Anyway he was to start a job that morning.... fuckin snow was heavy that night. What happend again? Got stuck in my own driveway this time fuck..... his fault this one. Other one was mineeee. His dad had to come pull me car out ermahgod..... then we rushed and got his ss to town so he made it to work. Lol I would've felt like shit cause I made him come home with me and if he'd missed that first day agh see I'm not always a good influence.

Holy man. I hate he got that job tho. Terrible. Just he reconnected with alot of drug people meh idk bleh. It's different when weeee do drugs together, doesn't count lololol and eh he was my friend, I think I started getting less attention. Yes I'm jello, I hog friends to myself hahaha

Fuckin hell.... idk how we did it back then. Just friends but we were close af. He was so quiet and depressed when I first met him and I was fucking manic as hell walking on cloud 9. The sun eh......

Then man things are blurry..... just always remembered him coming here to get STONED AF. We'd watch chucky together. Nd idk..... used to try sleeping normally but once we snuggled and awkwardly pecked abit and then I was like no cock blocked him. Back to the foot of the bed sir!!!!!

So fucking weird mannnnn. Doi I think we both wanted eachother during times but he couldn't have meeee so yenno did his own shit. Idk he would tell me his relationship stuff and I was like bruh the woman no derseve youuuu leave!

But we'd joke, he like oh I gotta send my money to my gf in city and I'd be like why don't I get money, he'd say be my gf then and you would lol

Just random shots like that. I know for a fact I'd sense jealousy when he'd have a women lol but I'm like no no, boy just a friend.

Fuck and when I had my first LDR I swear to God is when he started testing me. We were drunk and stoopid. He kept trying to kiss me, didn't count I didn't kiss back!

He'd try and leave to his parents and I'd literally be holding him tight, wrapped around his leg not wanting him to go.

Like man, I loved having him with me, his presence sleeping over, even tho we weren't a thing. Hated when he just come get high and had to go......

Jealousy bipolar drugs is why I think I distance myself for awhile after all that.... oh I was mad he made me feel like cheated -.-.

He was literally the guy in memes girls would say ' don't worry he's just a frieeeend ' well shit, look at us now.

How we BECOME WEEEEE. Fuckin eh. I was high..... on jib the first time.... we talked about how I haven't got laid in forever, he'd always offer him and I'm like no I don't sleep with my friends.

Even before then fuck, always some sexual tension was between us getting idk harder as time went on. I be bad and accidently let him see some sexy selfies oops. Boy that what you can't have 😂.

Eventually just causal touching would happen like I didn't care if grabbed my boobs, was all just idk jokes.

Even busy fucking curiosity me stoned asking, well how big is it????? Oh fuck that's what happend that night he was here (when I was in my ldr) we almost banged. (I'm like you just want me more now cause I'm taken!) We was wasted......

But ya he had me in a position where I was laying on the bed him standing up, just grrrrr. Guess dry fucking lmfao. I remember wanting it sooo bad LIKE NO NO HES A FRIEND AND YOU HAVE A MAN NOW (tho really i don't count that anymore as boyfriend, just someone I used to FaceTime alot lolol but at the time it felt like cheating)

That fucker, once again building that damn sexual vibe AHHHHHH.

I don't think we hung out for awhile after that. I was mad at him lol trying to get with me all of sudden.

Anywho anywho, ldr died, time went on we haven't seen eachother in awhile. I missed him and wanted him as my friend again. Tho everyone told me not to, that he just uses me and stuff whatever idk. Didn't care. I did but gr.

Like something about that boy had me like a magnet towards him.

Back to the day I first got high on jib. Which IM MAD CAUSE I READ SHIT WRONG. Or idk. Anywho. Talked all night long. Snuggling and stuff. By morning, I said this story before, I let him have me lol. Like why torture myself man. Sex sex sex.

Shit he confuses this idk why. I have a shit and good memory. He likes to say I came to him first. No. We banged at mine first doofus. Then I wanted to see ya again is how I ended up going to his and rest is history of fucking bs confusing ahhhhhhhh.

Bruh anyway before we even banged asked if loved him.... awkward ass question. Like idk..... and I was scared of commitment and shit and it was a weird conversation. I can't say I love you rn?

Smh by the time he left. He stopped looked at me. Don't get attached. I was like bruh wtf?

Idk one of those days he was at mine..... I was all over him, I made it clear I wanted more. he didn't. Was frustrating af. Cause ya I was scared to date but I was sick of hook ups and men that were unavailable saying I was to good for them.

So it's like really again.... but I my dumbass was like I ain't raising my number again. Noone else to bang, he re woken the sexual beast LMFAO so let's keep this ride going I guess .

Which fuck me. Was great for the most part except I turned into a jib head.... we just smoke and hide in his room alllll daaaay. Gaming, Journaling, coloring, me talking alllll the time, making videos, this is where I got in to tumblr when I forgot my journal one day, and I discovered how to make gifs 😉

So I'd make him gifs hehe. Anyways you lucky bastards that followed me..... got all those gifs hahaha when me and him stopped talking. Or well just idk.. just bestfriends. I was like fuck it I'll share my gifs here where they feel appreciated lol he not my man.

Then welcome to the hoeboe blog! Which is crazy cause nows it my bipolar blog diary thingy hahahaha

Yeah yeah yeah man. Anyway I think yall know the rest of our love story. He was wanting me when shit was just TO LATE! EMOTIONAL TORTURE falling for someone who didn't wanna date you smh. You fucker made me fall for you.

Oh we had a fight recently where he said the same to me, I got him to fall for me and made him catch feelings. good. I love you.

Like I don't think he derseved me... this girl cracked out said he didn't deserve me lmao I'm like yeah I know..... but fuck man life's short..

The heart wants what the heart wants. ☠️

Man. Do I trust him? I'm bipolar I don't trust anyone really. My suspicions kill me inside everyday. Haha

Funny. We don't have eachother on any social media but messenger..... but I kind of like it that way. Keeps me from ever hitting stalker mode lol your business is yours unless you wanna share it with me. Bruh I seen Samantha notification pop up as I watching you play on your iPad. My head like WHOSE THE BITCH. Then it like nah.....

To grown for that shit. Unless I fuckin bust him with concrete proof yenno.... whatever then.

Just lemme enjoy having someone for once and ignore any paranoia or suspicions. Plus fuck man you NEED TO TRUST to start a relationship silly to go into one and just be like whose this bitch instantly, you cheating eh?

I will trust till he proves not to. Tho I know he's a pro liar eh eh. He knows I'm a good manipulator. Soo hmph.

Back to like guy can talk to whoever whatever. Just don't DAMN FLIRT YOUR MINEEEE. Like I have my guy friends I talk to.

Holy shiet before our month apart we were here getting fucked up. I had Randoms from whisper on my snap. He was like kinda losing it next to me. So I was telling someone about it and leaned over hiding me text. He was like IS THAT YOUR BOYFRIEND all mad and jealous lmfao and then denied it next day saying I no care. You like me and are jello, heheh.

Omg new post this long. Whaaat I talk to much.

Oh yeah.... hrmph I won't be insanely jealous quit yet. I mean. I have reasons not to be either lol. Hehehehe

[sandyspaghettibag]

Gays have the option to pose nude in beautiful ways, yet all we fucking get is ✊🍆 like bruh… just be beautiful. The dick is arguably the most necessary when it's not being shown, when it's being teased. It's like "what could it look like"..... Not "oh yeah here's my fuckin dick lol I'm horny watch me jack off", sometimes i hate men because if i wasn't an otter half-twink femboy freakshow of a gay I would wanna send that to people… but y'know, maybe he does want to show me his full body being beautiful and it's my bad. I just hate men sometimes and how they're socialized and how SO MANY move with this one track mind… even if it's all sex in their head i wish it could just be beautiful. Like please, why are men so bad at recognizing their own beauty when they look like THAT, like bro!!! Just get naked and hide your dick!

[yaoiadderall]

.

[jrueships]

LIBRA

LIBRA!!!! i LOVE libra! But i also hate libra cus i love libras. It's not the libras fault tho! Like IDK... i hate the general PERCEPTION of a libra? Cus it can do more harm than good..? Which sucks cus i hate when bad stuff happens to a libra, cus i love libras. HMM.. HOW DO I EXPLAIN THIS

SO LIKE. Libras and cancers fall into the 'cinnamon roll' category of zodiacs, n i fuckin HATE that trope n hate that people get put into it. Cus it's lowkey demeaning, weird, and undervaluing. N i hate undervaluing. CUS LIKE! YEAH! LIBRAS ARE GREAT LISTENERS, THEYRE DIPLOMATIC, THEY LOVE BALANCE. THEYRE GOOD PEOPLE! but like! They're still PEOPLE! Others need to realize that! THEY ARE NOT FUCKIN THERAPISTS! ALL THE FUCKIN TIME! idk tho, maybe im just adversed to it because i don't go to therapy cus im just uncomfy putting everything on a person thats not . Funny? Even if they're paid to have that? BUT LIKE ! YKNOW! Theyre not your PRECIOUS BEANS or whatever. They can be fuckin manipulative! But still do it out of the goodness of their hearts! Like a person can be that ! No one is perfect, tho, yknow, it's easy to think that when IM here all the time... naw im kidding tho, no one is perfect (as hard as it may seem to BELIEVE with ME 😊).

I love libra traits, but with every zodiac, you can also hate those traits. Cus they can become too much or turn sour. It comes off as a surprise because they SEEM so fun or good, but that's just a possibility n people gotta learn to understand that! Some people get that shock once and will forever hate that person for it, or others will never get it because they keep a person in a box. Or keep seeing that IN that box.

Like the whole 'libras can NEVER make a decision' that is SO . Flanderized. Because YEAH ive SEEN that with them, TRUST me. I made friends with a lot of libras (n it's funny cus ive ALWAYS started the relationship WITH them. Then later found out they were all libras. It's weird! I love them tho!), n when they can't make a decision. Bruh it's TERRIBLE. I had like 10 libras worrying to me about their college decision comparisons, even after making all these intricate graphs n charts n plans, they were STILL struggling. N WHATEVER YOU TRIED TO CONSOLE THEM WITH, THEY JUST SAW THE OTHER SIDE TO. that's how they ARE n i HATE that but they need that! I hated it cus my pride was starting to get in the way with all my ideas getting warped around or shot down like i was stupid, but a libra isn't TRYING to MAKE that happen! They just NEED to see two sides! It helps em figure shit out or get lost in a deeper rabbits hole to pop back out again. N i tell em like ! They're a person who'll ask for advice when venting or want an opinion then lowkey argue with you on that opinion. But still WANT it. N they agreed, that's just how they figure stuff out!

I try helpin em best i can with that, but sometimes i realized keeping the conversation would just make me unreasonably more angry, so i let them chat it off with like a cancer or something. They're great together, along with a cancer Taurus pair? I also love cancers, but those too I gotta take a step back with so Noone ends up getting their feelings hurt.

so I like libras but people gotta understand, they wont ALWAYS. N sometimes they don't so they keep pushin n pushin n that's bad! Libras can get feelings hurt when it comes to personal stuff, even lil jokes sometimes! They can ALSO be fixed on things! People tend to think they're ALWAYS indecisive, but when they think things, they THINK things. Literally all my libra friends send me political tiktoks. It's hilarious cus they'll send me a super important subject n ill heart it then send them a video of some kid hitting his head on a picnic table. They also send some funny videos, n they have similar humors where they love funny things being said or funny images ig? Like fingers pretending to poledance. The only way i can describe it is kinda cheesy humor vs my more random humor, but both are enjoyable! We bounce off well! BUT YEA so people will just tell them ANYTHING and expect them ALWAYS to want to be 3rd person, but that's not always the case! They can have a fixed opinion too, n it's a good one cus they weighed all other options but CHOSE that one. When a libra finally chooses smthin, it's usually really educated and good (like u choosing to be in the nba tumblrinas, the BEST tumblrinas. Obvs) (joking)

ALSO because they're seen as mediators, they're seen as 'pure'.. but they rlly aren't lol. If i had a nickel for everytime i met a libra, we talked a lil bit, we exchanged numbers, N THEN THEY JUST SENT ME A SCREENSHOT OF THEIR BDSM TEST RESULTS. I'D HAVE A BANK. they're! Idk! Spicy ig LMAO? At least spicier than you'd think n they really revel in it. They love feeling not boring similar to an aquarius n can also get caught up into 'im different' NOT to flex but to feel like a PERSON. When really their big difference is that they thought the minions movie was actually funny. Cancers also love to be all 'oohoohoo i can be dirty woo' but their reveals are way more basic lmao like. They're pillow princesses or whatever lol. ALSO all the libras who sent me a screenshot were switches and exhibitionists ?? That's pretty libra to me lmao??

Libras also are some of the most friendly people EVER. They can smalltalk to anyone without being bored, they love talking about themselves AND asking about others. They're unreal to me in that way. I always appreciate a libra's social ability n lowkey let them do the talking for me cus im actually a pretty quiet person as long as im not with friends. (When im with friends i can be insufferable tho so it's a lose lose). BUT!!! it's like no matter how CLOSE you are with a libra or how many people LIKE them... they will struggle to feel LOVED. They could go to a party and have everyone in that party greet them with the happiest smiles, and STILL go home thinking no one really knows them or loves them. They NEED love. They need a partner or just someone close. They need a pet cat they really love or an s/o to feel balanced. Which doesn't always gel with me who's good with solitude!

They can also be super flirty n jealous, pretty basic info tho! But they're like! Funny with their jealousy. A jealous or disagreed libra can be lowkey manipulative but mean it what they think is well! Like im just trying to get you out of a bad option without directly SAYING it's a bad option jealous. I had a libra BFF who liked me (ive had lots of libras whove had crushes on me but rarely did we become a thing thing cus i didnt wanna end up ruining a friendship with a person i valued so much over something stupid like a breakup. It wasnt cus we were both guys cus ive had n have a bf. Just in the closet to keep me safe from family. Im very masculine ive been told and seem like a 'normie???' But once people get to know me they say im like a butch lesbian?? Idk man! Ask the libras, they call me that!), n whenever i would make a simple comment on how i thought xx was pretty or cute, he'd lowkey be like 'you just like xx cus you like objects' N IT WAS LIKE? DAMN BRO YOU REALLY THINK ME LIKE THAT? im just complimentin ppl n i didn't do it n like a 'WOW her boobs are HUGE' just in a 'i like her hair she's pretty', but it still got him upset! I understood it tho, libras can easily feel inadequate, so i didn't do that infront of him no more. Like, a libra HATES hates HATES introducing their older friend to a newer friend and having them end up pushing the libra out the circle because THEY became closer. They hate feeling inadequate or too boring or too much of anything. IDK! they're not as perfect as people like to think them as, n! Homie needs a therapist lol, in the most respectful intent. Those signs just would really thrive from having someone who they can talk to without worrying abt being seen or taken wrong

[meganaut]

THE

YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO lets get ROIIIIIIIIGHT INTO THE NEWSSSSSS. Where's Pepper Adventure? On hold. Yes baby i am once again putting MORE PROJECTS ON ***HOLD*** HOLY [[smoked salami]]. I think I'm just burnt out on working on games and big projects. Right now in this moment in time, I can't enjoy the work I do anymore. I can't work on games or comics anymore. I've found myself more enjoying the idea of a game/comic moreso than actually working on it. I think I really fucked myself over by working on a webcomic non-stop and then making 2 whole-ass games and trying to work on a third one. I think I just need time and space away from "worky" things. My capitalistic desires of productivity have to be put on hold... For now. If anyone is looking forward to Pepper Adventure, I'm really sorry. You can take solace in the fact that its not cancelled. I absolutely wanna finish Pepper Adventure, its just too great of a project for me to ignore. Too great and too do-able of a project. I just need time to recover.

I know I don't update my blog often, but if you like livestreaming, I'm (mostly) active on my youtube channel over here! I've been doing a lot of livestreams lately and I've been enjoying it! It's fun to talk to myself and pretend I have an audience and am in desperate need of psychiatric help. In all seriousness though, I have been having fun doing streaming. Even when nobody shows up its just nice to sit around and talk to myself and play a game I do (or don't) enjoy. Its been nice. If you do wanna see more stuff from me, your best bet is that youtube channel. Not only do I stream there on weekdays (sometimes), i also upload edited videos of my shenanigans in games. You can find all my past streams here! Lets talk card games

After playing Inscryption I've found myself absolutely enamored and infatuated with the card game genre. I've played tens of card games, even obscure games like the Pokemon Trading Card game. I've tried dozens of card games and man, I just can't get enough. Also there's a shit ton of games that mimic most of Hearthstone. B r e h The card games I've found myself enjoying most are: GWENT Pokemon TCG (yeah im serious) Inscryption (what a fuckin game bro) Mythgard (bruh moment) Elder Scrolls Legends (yuh)

Here are my indepth thoughts on the games:

Gwent:

is fucking good mate. I've played quite a few card games, many I like, many I absolutely dislike, but Gwent is the one I've been coming back to more than the others. Its a simple card game. The object of the game is simple, get a higher number than your opponent. Each card has a number, each number contributes to your overall score. Just get the highest score and WIN. Its that simple. What makes Gwent great is that each card has different abilities and stats that allow it to do different things under certain conditions. Some decks straight up have their own abilities and stuff they can utilize. Gwent is what I consider a deceptively simple game. Its easy to get into. And you can pull off so much shit with cards. I don't want to say its complicated, but it can be. Not like Yu-Gi-Oh though, I hate Yu-Gi-Oh. That shits REALLY complicated. If you ever wanna try out a card game that isn't Hearthstone, Gwent would be my recommendation.

POKEMON Trading Card Game:

is a card game that exists. No really, its real. They don't actually sell Pokemon cards for the sake of selling Pokemon cards. They actually have a game to use those cards in. I know, its absolutely INSANE. Its gameplay is pretty unique. You draw cards, you use Pokemon cards to battle for you (just like the real games). However, you also draw energy and Trainer/item/whatever cards. The energy cards you put on your Pokemans to allow them to do moves (and retreat). I could go on and on about the rules since its a bit more complicated than Gwent. The object of the game is to defeat at least 6 of your opponent's pokemon. For me personally, this game allows more skill and thought than the OG pokemon games would allow. Instead of JUST 6 pokemon, you can have a ton more at your disposal (you can only have so many benched tho). Since each Pokemon has only 2 moves (sometimes 1), you have to REALLY strategize what to do at every turn, maybe switch out Pokemon and stuff, maybe use a Trainer card to heal your pokemon. There's a lot that can go thru your head in a game of Pokemon TCG. Its nice. Sadly you kinda get jackshit in terms of actual Pokemon cards when starting out. You'd have to grind a bit in the online mode and hope you can win with your wimpy starter decks. I haven't played too much of this game, but I can safely say I enjoy the game for what it is. It might not be my first recommendation for bestest card games, but its definitely on the list. You can't do much in the game if you don't sign up with the website. Its nothing unusual, but I feel you should keep that in mind that you gotta create an account first.

Inscryption:

i'll say more about this later cuz im not gonna re-edit this post lmao

Mythgard:

is good... with a pretty big fuckin caveat. There's a lot of Hearthstone games out there that take more than just a "little" inspiration from it (and i guess MTG by proxy). Mythgard is no different. However, Mythgard does quite a LOT to stand out from the crowd. You can move your cards around when they're on the battlefield, you burn cards in order to raise your "Mana" bar. There's a lot going on in Mythgard. Its a pretty fun game, I don't go too indepth with it since its mostly the same Hearthstone stuff that you'll recognize immediately. Plus, I haven't played as much of it as I would like to. I would recommend this game... But there's a BIG caveat with it. You have to register an account with them. Now this doesn't sound too bad, after all I mentioned that the Pokemon TCG does the same thing. Why is Mythgard different? Maybe I'm just paranoid but when a SMALLER game company that I have never heard of asks for my personal email account I get kinda... Sketched out. I don't know if other people feel the same way, maybe its just me but I would consider that kind of a catch in Mythgard's case. I might say "fuck it" later and sign up just to play more of the game. I genuinely enjoy Mythgard but I would be wary of that kinda thing if I were you.

Elder Scrolls Legends:

Once again, another Hearthstone type game. Its not bad though. It has a singleplayer campaign that is really interesting to go thru. I found myself enjoying this one the most out of the Hearthstone-like games for some reason. There's 2 lanes you can play in that alter the gameplay. One of them gives you a stealth ability that basically makes your card unable to be targeted or hit until it attacks. Sad that the game is no longer being worked on and has been mostly abandoned for a couple years now. Its pretty fun. I'm kinda getting tired of writing so I'll just leave it at that. On the topic of Inscryption tho. Man. MAN. M A N . what a game. No spoilers, since I truly believe Inscryption to be a game worth playing blind for. More than Undertale/Deltarune. Its just THAT good man. Absolutely love the simplistic gameplay in the game. I was thrown off quite a bit when the game kept... Well, "changing". But I eventually grew to like the entirety of the game. I cried like a bitch when it was over. Not on stream, sadly. That would've been good content. I cried a day after the stream.

I absolutely wanna say I want to update this blog more often. But at this point every single blog entry I make ends with that condolence. I'll make no promises. Keep gaming, fuckers.

[charmspoint]

THANK YOU FOR SAYING THAT ABT THE BSD MANGA ILY THANK YOU I FEEL LIKE MY OPINION IS FINALLY VALIDATED WHICH IS: BSD has turned meh. I have become indifferent towards the plot due to the fact there are no real stakes - I feel like the OP characters like Dazai will always have a solution with a deus ex machina feel to it, making it impossible for me to care. With the recent chaos happening in the manga (I too gave up on the manga a year or so ago!), I was baffled to find out I could no longer enjoy it. My memory is poor, and I can't really pinpoint it at the moment, but BSD just... doesn't engage me as it used to. Keep in mind I was an obsessive fan of it and analyzed it to the tiniest details, but all of my great love for the series has long died, sadly. But! I am glad to hear you feel similarly about it because, yes, the potential was there, but it got terribly wasted.

Bruh don't I feel it, me and @autumn-foxfire have like monthly bitch sessions about the state of bsd at this point. I was also super invested in it in initial arcs (Up until the guild arc ended) and then slowly started petering off only to drop it the first time around the hunting dogs introduction. Then after some time i was like okay ill go give it a second shot, came to the vampire arc went 'wow this is really fuckin stupid' and dropped it again. Idk will I pick it up again, maybe I'll just stick to being an anime only, even tho I also have problems with some adaptation things but that's BESIDES THE POINT.

Please click under for The Point

The thing about Kafka is: He's really good at coming up with interesting concepts and ideas and REALLY BAD at executing them in any sort of satisfying way. Like, when I say I only like bsd until the end of the guild arc, I don't mean it was perfect. It could have handled it's female cast better, it would have been fun to see more mafia and agency team ups besides soukoku and shin soukoku, I still don't get why shin soukoku is supposed to be a replacement in training since Dazai and Chuuya still work together perfectly and even if they hate each other they hate each other less than Akutagawa and Atsushi AND have way more experience fighting together but that once again is besides the point. The point being those arcs of bsd were SATISFYING. We got introduced to two organizations, seen them butt heads and then have them forced to work together against a common enemy. It's very simple but it's effective and it's satisfying.

And then the rats struck.

While up until then bsd wasn't perfect it was fun and had lovable characters and an interesting plot and engaging dynamics. Rats arc wasn't horrible per say, the idea of the cannibalization was really fun (Though I think Kafka should have used it to get rid of Mori, nobody fuckin likes Mori) but this is where we slowly get introduced to what I think are two main failings of Kafka's writing: That he's unable to handle characters properly and that he likes writing smart things but doesn't know how to write smart things.

Kafka has a very, very bad habit of INTRODUCING TOO MANY FUCKING CHARCTERS. Every arc is a new massive group with like a bunch of members, one of who may actually end up being fleshed out before they are inventiblely replaced by another large group or maybe two why the fuck not. The mafia and the guild left lasting impressions on me and I can still name all the main members but fuck me if i know a single rat aside from Fyodor (AND ILL GET TO FYODOR). Kafka feels like someone who's idea of rising conflict is 'introduce a bigger enemy each time' and it's just so annoying. Chapters and arcs end up centering around these groups of new characters while old characters, who we loved the manga for, just fall into obscurity. He almost had me in the hunting dogs arc by giving Yosano a backstory. I was so excited! I was like!!! finally development for the agency!!! But that barely went anywhere did it. I've talked about this with Foxy but it really feels like Kafka is just BORED of the og characters and is trying to silently sideline them for his new shiny characters. When's the last time we saw Chuuya again, you know, the ex partner of one of the series protagonists? The next predicted mafia head? Is he important? Foxy tells me Dazai's been sidelined too, fUCKIN DAZAI, for a good while I was sure Kafka liked Dazai a lot better than Atsuhi for protagonist and now he's getting sidelined. I know bsd is still really popular in japan but at this point i think it would have been more merciful for Kafka to just end bsd and start a new manga with new characters instead of doing whatever weird metamorphosis this is turning out to be.

Introducing new characters isn't a bad thing of course, but bsd has become mcdonalds of new characters. They are cheap and disposable. I can't feel anything for them because I know nine times out of ten they'll barely make any impact and they'll disappear as soon as the new group slides in. When adding new characters you should do so while knowing what role those characters will play in your plot, what will they bring. If a character is just there to waffle around until they get shoved away they should probably be cut because they are wasting time and space. AND YOU SHOULDN'T SIDE LINE YOUR CORE CAST FOR UR SHINY NEW CHARACTERS YOU'LL GET BORED OF IN COUPLE OF ARCS ANYWAY, ARE YOU A TODDLER???

I still think that bsd could have been SO much better if instead of focusing on the next big evil group they just focused on shifting tension between the agency and the mafia. I mean they've had to team up for the guild and then they immediately got thrown into the cannibalization. It would have been interesting to see them pull against and pull towards those ties made during the guild arc when they are forcefully pitted against each other again (and decide that killing mori would be in everyone's best interest). Instead we got, idk I already forgot what the rats arc ended up being about, atsushi and aku team up again yadda yadda yadda, Chuuya gets done dirty and never recovers, Fyodor ruins Dazai

SO ABOUT FYODOR. As I said, Kafka strikes me as someone who REALLY likes to write geniuses and who wants people to think he's super smart but also has no idea how to show his work. At first this was okay. We had Dazai and Ranpo who were very good at pushing the plot along and sometimes you'd get explained how they got to that conclusion and sometimes you didn't but it usually wasn't a big deal. But then the writing became more and more and more of 'well he's smart so he figured it out so just trust me' without actually explaining anything and as you said, it ended up feeling boring, unengaging and very deus ex machina. You know what Kafka's writing reminds me off? That video about how Sherlock is so happy to stroke itself to how smart they look while never showing their work, you know the one. Kafka likes writing smart characters but doesn't actually know how to write smart characters so instead of giving us reasons and clues and explanations to how they come to some conclusion, how they predicted or planned or whatever, he just goes 'oh well they are super smart so they figured it out'. I don't think I need to explained why this is bad, annoying and unengaging writing. This is why i say Fyodor ruined Dazai for me, Dazai was fine as a genius but then they had to pit him against Fyodor who's another genius and things just got ridiculous. You know how in that sherlock video the guy points out the one scene that encapsulates every irritating thing about sherlocks writing. This had been it for me and BSD (thank you Foxy for helping me find the panels)

THATS NOT HOW CODES WORK, THATS NOT HOW ANYTHING WORKS, THEY WOULD JUST BE COMING UP WITH TWO DIFFERENT SETS OF CODES HERE. Even if they were both smart enough to remember every conversation in detail, how on earth are they supposed to 'guess out' what the other means. How are they supposed to confirm or deny that's what a certain word means in a way that can be understood, how can they even guess what the word the other guessed is IF THEY ARE BOTH TALKING IN CODE. KAFKA'S ANSWER: THEY'RE MONSTERS, THEY ARE JUST THAT SMART, NO NEED TO EXPLAIN IT BECAUSE THEY ARE JUST THAT SMART AND THAT'S YOUR SOLUTION AND THAT'S BULLSHIT. This scene broke bsd in half for me and honestly made me dislike Dazai for a long time (I got better), but it honestly shows so well how Kafka wanted to make his characters so smart he actually made his manga really fuckin stupid, ruining very good and interesting concept he had started with.

In the end, Kafka writes how I wrote when I was 15. With no idea where the plot is headed, adding new characters and situations whenever it strikes his fancy whether they work for the story or not, ending up just flopping around plot holes and fizzled out character arcs and boring ass writing. And that's fine for a 15yr old writing fanfiction. It's not fine for a presumably grown ass published author of a relatively popular manga.

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.

[hyperfixationtimego]

Foreign language w class 78 brainrot re-emerged

The chronicles of Kyle, [insert Sayaka’s FL class name here], and Leonard

Literally half of their after school shenanigans consist of Sayaka and Kaz clowning tf out of Leon and then just

Celeste doesn’t have to change her name bc it’s easy for English speakers to say so she’s just sitting there like 😌

Leon, Kaz, and Sayaka are literally just Blonde Boyz adjacent

I believe in bruh girl Sayaka supremacy

Sayaka’s good at English bc Ultimate Pop Sensation?? She probably did international tours with her group at some point

Celeste & Byakuya are fast learners for some English phrases bc French-English cognates

Taka’s good at it bc study first fun later but he struggles sometimes bc auditory processing issues and not all of the vocab is written down bc the curriculum tries to promote and prioritize verbal fluency over written accuracy bc they don’t want the students to never talk in the language they’re learning bc of using writing as a crutch (in the administration’s eyes)

Mondo and Leon learn All The Swear Words

Kaz and Taka vocal stimming with fun & meaningless English phrases bc oooo different sound feels good and sounds nice

FOREIGN LANGUAGE CLASS BRAINROT!!!!

also sobbb try as I might I couldn’t find anything NEARLY as funny for Sayaka. Sophie?? Shannon?? Sarah???

AND SHSBDVSBD YEAH ABSOLUTELY???

The only thing Sayaka, Kaz, and Leon do as friends,,,,,is bully each other,,,,,,and I simply think that’s valid /hj

Honestly I think I would be hilarious if Sayaka’s name weren’t particular funny so she could just sit there the whole time making fun of both of them like

And BSBAHSBSBSBS CELESTE WATCHING THESE CHUCKLEFUCKS LOSE THEIR SHIT OVER THEIR DUMBASS NAMES MEANWHILE SHE’S JUST :)

AND MY GOD YEAH?? YES??? THEY ARE LITERALLY THE BLONDE BOYZ VIBES I’M CRYI G THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT THEY ARE

bruh girl Sayaka is SO good. like first impression? dainty lil lass. adorable. would make ur parents proud if u brought her home. Her actual personality??? Walks into friends’ dorms unannounced wearing sunglasses and playing a trumpet. Sends deep fried memes and reaction images in the group chat (she’s gone entire weeks without sending an actual texted word). When asked where she’s been, responds with “fuckin ur bitch.”

Sayaka memes very hard and I appreciate that :>

And yes!!! She gets so excited and cocky whenever they teach a phrase that she’s either heard of or already knew!! And she answers a lot of questions correctly about grammar and word placement and is just like :) the entire time and everyone else who’s struggling wants to kill her ❤️

Byakuya 🤝 Celeste

not crying over the foreign language class because they have an advantage

also highkey Byakuya is very easy to bully whenever he gets too snippy now because all anyone has to say is “shut up, bernard”

AND ALSO OH TAKA??? SAME HAT??? ME TOO BITCH THE FUCK???

he can get perfect scores on written tests because he Knows the information, but actually having to say things??? in the moment??? having to process information and then RESPOND to it??? IN A DIFFERENT LANGUAGE???? he’s in hell that’s hell for him

HDBSBD MONDO AND LEON ABSOLUTELY DO LEARN ALL THE SWEAR WORDS HDBDBENSBDBD WHENEVER THEH FIND A NEW ONE THEY RUN TO THEIR RESPECTIVE BOYFRIENDS AND JUST YELL “BABE LISTEN TO THIS NEW SWEAR I LEARNED-”

Taka and Makoto are So Tired™️ someone pls help them

And yes????? vocal stimming,,,,,in different language,,,,,,,,good for brainnbbbb,,,,,,,very nice??? Kaz usually just sits in the corner of the classroom and stares vacantly at his desk while quietly repeating a word that feels nice to him and whoever is sitting in front of him just kinda has to Deal With It hsvsbdbdbddv (it’s probably hajime which yknow what is fine?? because as much as haj and kaz joke that they hate each other, they are actually best friends and Hajime would die for his idiot best friend so he knows Kaz is doing it because he Needs to so honestly??? whenever he hears Kaz repeating a phrase or a word over and over he just goes :) because it genuinely makes him happy)

And Taka!!!!!!!! I feel like Taka’s the type of person who will repeat phrases during conversation? Like see what I’m thinking is that Kaz has a tendency to repeat phrases and words while alone?? and the things he says usually don’t have much meaning aside from “this feels good so I am going to say it over and over and over” whereas Taka, on the other hand, will be involved in conversation with another person, and then randomly repeat a phrase that he’s just said!!

Like he’s speaking, and then suddenly something he says felt Really Good To Say, so he repeats it a couple of times!!! He also does what Kaz does, where he repeats things on his own, but to a lesser extent!

aaaa I’m not sure if my take on Kaz and Taka rlly made much sense, but??? hdvsvdvdvw

[godzillasrighttoe]

Anguirus's surprise birthday party

Damn that title is kinda bland ngl

(Since Anguirus's birthday is today, I decided that I would make this without planning how I'm gonna write it just before it's irrelevant. Also, all the kaiju in here are supposed to be the kaiju from Final Wars, not their other appearances in the Showa era. Also, since I ship Orga and Megaguirus I decided that this year they're gonna be having a baby lol. And this also takes place in the gijinka universe)

Final Wars Goji:Ok guys, so here's the plan. I will pick up Anguirus from his home so that we can hang out for the day and while we're doing so and so you guys break into my house and start decorating. I'll leave the key under the door for you guys to unlock it.

Orga:bruh we don't even got decorations yet

Final Wars Goji:𝙩 𝙝 𝙚 𝙣 𝙗 𝙪 𝙮 𝙩 𝙝 𝙚 𝙢 𝙨 𝙝 𝙞 𝙩 𝙨

Orga:Are we even gonna have time to buy them?

Final Wars Goji:

Final Wars Goji:𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗳𝘂𝗰𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘀𝘁𝘂𝗽𝗶𝗱

Millennium Goji:I feel like we shouldn't be insulting each other and we should actually be planning this out. How about we assign who's gonna do what for the party?Such as decorating, baking the cake, shit like that.

Kumonga:Ooh!I can shoot webs as decoration!

Final Wars Goji:𝗱𝗼𝗻'𝘁 𝗻 𝗼 𝗯 𝗼 𝗱 𝘆 𝘄𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘀𝗵𝗶𝘁 𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝘂𝗽 𝗶𝗻 𝗺𝘆 𝗵𝗼𝘂𝘀𝗲

Millennium Goji:Yeah, this isn't a Halloween party, dude.

Gigan:Ay, Final Wars, how would you feel if I shot lasers into your walls and wrote "Happy Birthday" out of it as decoration?

Final Wars Goji:

Monster X:Oh!And then I can add "Anguirus" to it!

Final Wars Goji:𝙒𝙃𝙔 ��𝙊 𝙔'𝘼𝙇𝙇 𝙒𝘼𝙉𝙉𝘼 𝘿𝙊 𝙏𝙃𝙄𝙎 𝙏𝙊 𝙈𝙔 𝙃𝙊𝙐𝙎𝙀-

Monster X:𝘄𝗲 𝗻𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿 𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲𝗱 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝘂𝗴𝗹𝘆 𝗮𝘀𝘀 𝗮𝗻𝘆𝘄𝗮𝘆

Kiryu:How about when Anguirus walks in we say happy birthday and then start playing a bass boosted version of The Anguirus Song?

Orga:That's a good idea, but how about not bass boosted?Matter of fact, why did you even say that?

Kiryu:I don't know, I thought it would be funny. In my head.

Orga:𝗱𝗮𝘄𝗴 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝘀𝗲𝗻𝘀𝗲 𝗼𝗳 𝗵𝘂𝗺𝗼𝗿 𝗶𝘀 𝗯𝗿𝗼𝗸𝗲𝗻

King Caesar:𝙃𝙄𝙎 𝙎𝙀𝙉𝙎𝙀 𝙊𝙁 𝙃𝙐𝙈𝙊𝙍 𝙄𝙎 𝙊𝙉 𝙏𝙃𝘼𝙏 𝙉 𝙐 𝙏 𝙎 𝙃 𝙄 𝙏

Kiryu:𝗕𝗜-

Millennium Goji:Alright, that's ENOUGH!How about we just buy stuff we need and come back in the morning?

Mothra Imago:I'll get cake ingredients!

Orga:𝗳𝗮𝘁𝗮𝘀𝘀

Mothra Imago:

Kiryu:Tbh, you shouldn't be talking because first off, Mothra isn't even fat and second, 𝗻𝗴𝗹 𝗠𝗲𝗴𝗮𝗴𝘂𝗶𝗿𝘂𝘀 𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗱𝗮 𝗯𝗲𝗲𝗻 𝗴𝗮𝗶𝗻𝗶𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘄𝗲𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁 𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿 𝘀𝗶𝗻𝗰𝗲 𝘀𝗵𝗲 𝗳𝗼𝘂𝗻𝗱 𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝘀𝗵𝗲 𝘄𝗮𝘀 𝗽𝗿𝗲𝗴𝗻𝗮𝗻𝘁😳

Orga:

Kiryu:

Everyone else in the room:

Orga:𝗔𝗿𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗳𝘂𝗰𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘀𝘁𝘂𝗽𝗶𝗱

Kiryu:I mean, not gonna cap, she's been eating just a bit too much for a pregnant woman. Fuck cravings and shit, that's not normal. Sometimes I think that she's trying to kill the baby.

Orga:𝗯𝗿𝗼-

Millennium Goji:ANYWAY, all of you can now LEAVE now and go get stuff for the party tomorrow. Especially you, Kiryu. You're a dumbass. I hate to defend Orga in this situation, but it's true.

Kiryu:

Kiryu:Ok...

(Next day lol)

Millennium Goji:Ok guys, what do you all have to offer so that we can start decorating-

Orga:You always talkin' bout we. 🄸 🄰🄸🄽'🅃 🄽🄴🅅🄴🅁 🄵🅄🄲🄺 🅆🄸🅃 🄽🄸🄽🅃🄴🄽🄳🄾.

Millennium Goji:

Millennium Goji:And when did I ask?𝗠 𝗮 𝗻 𝗹 𝗮 𝗶 𝗱 𝗼 𝘂 𝘁 𝗮 𝘄 𝗵 𝗼 𝗹 𝗲 𝗽 𝗮 𝗿 𝗮 𝗴 𝗿 𝗮 𝗽 𝗵

Orga:that was like 2 sentences tf-

Rodan:Ay, you wanted me to show what I bought, right?

Millennium Goji:

Millennium Goji:Yeah?

Rodan:I bought wrapping paper so that we can wrap the presents we all bought Anguirus!

Millennium Goji:That's all?

Gigan:Bold of you to assume we bought him anything.

Orga:Why is everybody talking about we?!?Once again, 🄸 🄰🄸🄽'🅃 🄽🄴🅅🄴🅁 🄵🅄🄲🄺 🅆🄸🅃-

Gigan:𝗡𝗼𝗯𝗼𝗱𝘆 𝗰𝗮𝗿𝗲𝘀, 𝗢𝗿𝗴𝗮. 𝗦𝗼 𝗶𝗺𝗺𝗮 𝗻𝗲𝗲𝗱 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘁𝗼 𝘀𝗵𝘂𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗕 𝗨 𝗟 𝗟 𝗦 𝗛 𝗜 𝗧 𝘂𝗽, 𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗲𝗳.

Orga:

Orga:ok

Millennium Goji:Gigan, did you buy anything?

Gigan:no I'm broke

Gigan:jk I didn't wanna buy anything lol

Millennium Goji:𝗕 𝗶 𝘁 𝗰 𝗵 .

Kiryu:I bought the happy birthday decoration.

Millennium:Oh, ok. So did I though...

Kiryu:

Millennium Goji:

Kiryu:So what we bout to do?

Orga:STOP TALKING ABOUT WE!!!🇮  🇦  🇮  🇳  ' 🇹 🇳  🇪  🇻  🇪  🇷  🇫  🇺  🇨  🇰  🇼  🇮  🇹  🇳  🇮  🇳  🇹  🇪  🇳  🇩  🇴 

Everyone else in the room:SHUT UP!!!

(Meanwhile with Final Wars Goji)

*Final Wars Goji knocks on Anguirus's door*

*No answer*

Final Wars Goji:Anwser that door, man!Come on!

*Anguirus opens the door*

Anguirus:Godzilla!

Final Wars Goji:Anguirus!

*They hug*

Final Wars Goji:Happy Birthday, man!

Anguirus:Awww, thanks!I actually can't believe that I'm 25 now!

Final Wars Goji:I know, right?You're so old now!

Anguirus:Not really though. Because aren't you like 30?

Final Wars Goji:27.

Anguirus:Old enough. Hahaha!

Final Wars Goji:hahaha 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗳𝘂𝗻𝗻𝘆 hahaha

Anguirus:Huh?

Anguirus:

Final Wars Goji:

Anguirus:Dude, you LITERALLY old shamed me so when I do it back you say it's not funny.

Final Wars Goji:Anguirus, this is weird. Here's your birthday card.

Anguirus:Oh, thanks!Wanna hang out now?

Final Wars Goji:Sure!Heh...

(Back to the party setup)

Millennium Goji:Ok guys!What all have you gotten set up?

Rodan:I've hung up some decorations!

Baragon:I've wrapped some of his presents!

Kamacuras:I'm making beans!

Millennium Goji:The fuck?Why?

Kamacuras:Anguirus likes them.

Ebirah:𝘀𝗵𝗲 𝗺𝗮𝗱𝗲 𝗕𝗘𝗘𝗘𝗘𝗘𝗘𝗔𝗡𝗦 𝘄𝘁𝗳

Millennium Goji:Has anybody else done anything?

Mothra Imago:Me and the boys are about to bake the cake!

Gigan:Don't ever sat that shit again.

Mothra Imago:I- I'm not even trying to be funny.... it's literally me and the boys...

Gigan:I don't care, shut up.

Mothra Imago:Rude!

Gigan:How?𝗴𝗼𝗱𝗱𝗮𝗺𝗻 𝘀𝗡𝗼𝗪𝗳𝗟𝗮𝗞𝗲

Kiryu:imagine if we sliced up gigan's dick and put it on the cake as a decoration for being volatile

Gigan:

Mothra Imago:

Orga:

Millennium Goji:

Kiryu:What?

Millennium Goji:*sighs* Ghost Goji is taking over again, huh?

Kiryu:*sighs*Yeah... when I said that it felt like 𝗜 𝗹𝗲𝗳𝘁 𝗺𝘆 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘀𝗰𝗶𝗼𝘂𝘀𝗻𝗲𝘀𝘀 𝗜𝗡 𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗦𝗜𝗫𝗧𝗛 𝗗𝗜𝗠𝗘𝗡𝗦𝗜𝗢𝗡~

Kiryu and Gigan:𝙇𝙀𝙁𝙏 𝙈𝙔 𝙎𝙊𝙐𝙇 𝙄𝙉 𝙃𝙄𝙎 𝙑𝙄𝙎𝙄𝙊𝙉 𝙇𝙀𝙏'𝙎 𝙂𝙊 𝙂𝙀𝙏 𝙄𝙏 𝘼𝙃 𝘼𝙃 𝙇𝙀𝙏'𝙎 𝙂𝙊 𝙂𝙀𝙏 𝙄𝙏 𝘼𝙃 𝘼𝙃

Orga:𝗱𝗮𝗺𝗻𝗻𝗻𝗻𝗻 𝘆'𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝗴𝗮𝘆𝘆𝘆𝘆𝘆

Mothra Imago:And is there anything wrong with that?!?Like-

Orga:𝗳𝘂𝗰𝗸 𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗺𝘆 𝗳𝗮𝗰𝗲 𝗹𝗶𝗯𝗲𝗿𝗮𝗹

Mothra Imago:HEY!!!Why is everyone so mean to me today?!?

Kiryu:I'm not!I'd never be mean to you!

Orga:simp

Gigan:Who the fuck still says "simp" anymore?The word is kinda dead...

Kiryu:Hey, I have a joke relating to the word "simp".

Gigan:Hm?

Kiryu:Take the "s" and "m" out of it and add it to Orga's name.

Gigan:Huh?O-

Orga:I don't understand- bruh.

*Millennium Goji laughs*

Mothra Imago:What's the joke?

Kiryu:Orgasm.

Mothra Imago:Inappropiate!

Millennium Goji:Then don't listen. It's that easy. Plus we're all adults.

Kiryu:Well, I'm 17. I'll be 18 next month.

Mothra Imago:Then why are you making these jokes?!?

Kiryu:Because I'm almost an adult?

Gigan:bruh are we gonna start baking orrr

Orga:Yep!

*Orga dumps all of the ingredients onto the baking table*

Gigan:ORGA!!!WHAT THE HELL!!!

Orga:?

Kiryu:𝙒𝙃𝘼𝙏 𝙏𝙃𝙀 𝙁𝙐𝘾𝙆, 𝙍𝙄𝘾𝙃𝘼𝙍𝘿?

Orga:Why is are you two against me all of a sudden?

Gigan:THE EGGS WERE IN THERE!!!YOU DUMBASS!!!

Orga:ohhhhh

Orga:𝗜 𝗴𝘂𝗲𝘀𝘀 𝘄𝗲 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗶𝗻 𝘃𝗲𝗴𝗮𝗻 𝗰𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗻.

Millennium Goji:No!!!We can't make it VEGAN!!!Anguirus HATES vegans and their food!!!

Orga:The fuck?Why?

Millennium Goji:It has something to do with his mother who isn't approving of his sexuality, apparently.

Orga:bruh we got like 2 hours left before Final Wars comes back the cake is gonna be vegan

Millennium Goji:2 HOURS?!?HOW?!?

Gigan:And you're acting like it's the end of the world.

Kiryu:bruh we don't even know if the eggs are broken or not

Gigan:They are!All of them!Don't you see it dripping out of the bag?

*Kiryu looks at the bag*

Kiryu:oh shit lol

Gigan:Now what?!?

Orga:WE MAKE THE VEGAN CAKE!!!

Gigan:NO!!!

(Meanwhile with Final Wars Goji and Anguirus)

Anguirus:I can't believe you would spend your whole day with me on my birthday!

Final Wars Goji:Yeah... mainly because I wanna spend more time with you anyway.

Anguirus:Oh, really?

Final Wars Goji:Yeah... for the rest of my life.

Anguirus:Oh, I'd be looking forward to doing that also... heh...

*Silence*

Final Wars Goji in his mind:𝗜 𝘄𝗮𝗻𝗻𝗮 𝗺𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗺𝗶𝗻𝗲, 𝗯𝘂𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁'𝘀 𝗵𝗮𝗿𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝘀𝗮𝘆...

Final Wars Goji:Is this coming off in a cheesy way?

Anguirus:

Anguirus:I love everything you do. When you call me fuckin' dumb for the stupid shit I do. Wanna ride my bike with you. Fully undressed, no trainin' wheels left for youuuuuuuu!~ I'll pull them off for youuuuuuuu!Hey, I love that song!

Final Wars Goji:Oh, you do?

Anguirus:Yeah!

Final Wars Goji:Oh, so do I. Imagine if that was our theme song if we were in love.

Anguirus:I mean... it could be...

*More silence*

Anguirus:What, are you trying to say something?

Final Wars Goji:Uh-*blushes*

*Final Wars Goji remembers about the party*

Final Wars Goji:Hey, there's something I wanna show you. At my house. It's another gift.

Anguirus:Ooh!I can't wait!Take me to your house!

Final Wars Goji:Ok, by the way you get distracted SOOOOO easily.

Anguirus:Oh, so there's no gift?

Final Wars Goji:There is, I wouldn't just give you a birthday card. I was just pointing that out. We can go to my house now.

Anguirus:Ok!

(Back at Final Wars Goji's house)

*Mothra Imago, Gigan, Kiryu, and Orga are playing Uno while everyone else is making sure everything looks right*

*Orga puts down his second to last card*

Orga:Hah!Uno!

Kiryu:DAMNIT!

*Kiryu bangs the table*

Orga:Hoes mad.

Kiryu:I'M NOT A HOE!Does anybody have a card to make him draw???

Gigan, who's before Orga, and has a +4 in his deck:*laughs to himself*HAHAHAHAHAHA 𝗻��.

Mothra Imago:*sighs*Oh well... I guess you win Orga.

Orga:Hahaha!

*Mothra puts down a card*

*Kiryu puts down a card in disappointment*

Orga:Gigan, are you gonna put a card down?

*Gigan laughs*

Orga:Why are you laughing?Wait...

Gigan:HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Orga:GIGAN PLEASE!!!HAVE MERCY!!!

Gigan:𝙏𝙃𝙀𝙍𝙀 𝙄𝙎 𝙉𝙊 𝙈𝙀𝙍𝘾𝙔

*Gigan puts down his +4*

Orga:*high pitch screaming*

*Millennium Goji comes rushing over*

Millennium Goji:GUYS!!!Final Wars is on his way back!!!He's almost here!!!

Gigan:But our Uno game!-

Millennium Goji:𝙄 𝘿𝙊𝙉'𝙏 𝙂𝙄𝙑𝙀 𝘼 𝙁𝙐𝘾𝙆. Start tidying up before it's lights out!!!Is the cake ready?

Mothra Imago:Yep!Already decorated, too.

Orga:𝘆𝗲𝗮𝗵 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘃 𝗲 𝗴 𝗮 𝗻 𝘀 𝗵 𝗶 𝘁 𝗶𝘀 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗱𝘆

Kiryu:Well, it's not vegan. Remember how we still used the crushed up eggs and took out all of the egg shells but when we did Gigan picked some of it up and dumped it all on my head for no reason so I said "More daddy!~" so that he would stop?

Orga:oh yeah lol

Millennium Goji:𝗟𝗜𝗚𝗛𝗧𝗦 𝗢 𝗨 𝗧

*Millennium Goji turns off the lights*

*Kiryu screams*

*Millennium Goji turns the lights back on*

Millennium Goji:Kiryu, are you ok?

Kiryu:What are you talking about?That was Gigan.

Gigan:𝗕𝗶𝘁𝗰𝗵, 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁?

Kiryu:Don't even play, Gigan.

Gigan:Ok...

Millennium Goji:Um...anyway.

*Millennium Goji turns the lights off again*

*Gigan moans*

*Millennium Goji turns the lights back on*

Millennium Goji:DUDE-

Gigan:THAT WAS KIRYU!!!

Millennium Goji:NO IT WASN'T!!!If another one of you makes another sound when I turn the lights 𝗜'𝗺 𝗴𝗼𝗻𝗻𝗮 𝗺𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝗪𝗪𝗜𝗜 𝗹𝗼𝗼𝗸 𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲 𝗮 𝗰𝗮𝗿 𝗮𝗰𝗰𝗶𝗱𝗲𝗻𝘁.

*Millennium Goji turns off the lights again*

Gigan:*impersonates Doja Cat*ᗪᗩᗰᑎ ᑭᗩᑭᗩ YOᑌ ᗩ ᖇᗩᖇᗴ ᗷᖇᗴᗴᗪ-

*Millennium Goji turns the lights on again*

Millennium Goji:THAT'S IT-

*Millennium Goji kicks Gigan

Gigan:OW!!!

Kiryu:ᵈᴀᵐɴ ᵖᴀᵖᴀ ʸᴏᵘ ᴀ ˢᴄᵃʀʸ-

(Meanwhile outside)

*Final Wars Goji is covering Anguirus's eyes with his hands*

Anguirus:Lmao why do my eyes have to be covered if we're going in your house?Is it something that I can see through the window?

Final Wars Goji:It's special.

Anguirus:Ok, whatever you say...

*They reach his house and Final Wars Goji unlocks the door*

Final Wars Goji:Open your eyes!

*Anguirus opens them*

*Millennium Goji turns on the lights*

Everyone except for Gigan:SURPRISE!!!

Gigan:*blows a party horn*

Anguirus:WOW!I was not expecting this!!!Thank you so much guys!

Final Wars Goji:And it was all planned by me!

Anguirus:Awww, thanks Final!Can I get to my cake now?

Millennium Goji:Sure!Do you wanna cut it first-

Anguirus:There is no future. There is no past. Do you see?Time is simultaneous, an intricately structured jewel that humans insist on viewing one edge at a time when the whole design is visible in every facet.

Everyone else in the room:

Millennium Goji:All I asked was if you wanted to cut your birthday cake first.

[thistangledbrain]

I think I’m going to add Day 28 a day early, because I just finished it. This one took me 3 days to write...I had to keep putting it down. I think because meltdowns are our strongest reminders that we are NOT like other people, and that can be hard to accept sometimes, especially when we’re trying so hard to blend in or go along. Also, meltdowns are when we are in a raw, illogical space - which is highly unsavory, to put it mildly. We are vulnerable. Naked. Stuck. Entirely in fight or flight mode - or both. For as baffling and upsetting as you find it to be - trust me, we aren’t having a good time, either.

*takes a deep breath*

Ok, here goes.

Day 28

“Dealing with meltdowns”

Well, this one’s fun. (sarcasm)

I’m glad I got a few days ahead, because this one is hard to think about, so I keep putting it down and then coming back to it. I asked my youngest some questions, but he didn’t want to talk about it, either.

We hate meltdowns. It feels like the whole world is ending/everything is crashing down at once. I don’t CARE if what triggered it was “small” - all the repressed stuff we’ve been trying to squash comes crashing in like the fuckin Kool-Aid Man through a half open door.

But, I’ll start with how you can help.

First and foremost: DO NOT TOUCH!!! NO! BAD NEUROTYPICAL!! NO TOUCH!! (One exception: if we’re trying to blindly bolt from our environment. STOP US.)

I know this is completely counterintuitive to typical human nature, especially with young children. You want to scoop them up and cuddle them and make them feel safe. Sorry, but you just did the opposite of that - you freaked us out even more, and your need to touch and comfort is entirely yours, in that moment. Let us come to you if we want physical comfort - when we do need that, we can be like clingy little monkeys (and if an Autie child clings to you during a meltdown, you *honor* that shit & throw all the loving calm energy you can out there for them - do not say anything or try and talk them out of it - just let them cling to you and cry. Literally - JUST be there). I will say, AFTER the meltdown, we will possibly need some reassurance and kindness, if you can manage it. We will sometimes allow holding when we don’t feel good, with our absolute closest humans, but generally we really want you to just be there but not touch, until we’re ready. Lots of us don’t really want you to leave altogether, at least not for long - even if it seems like we do.

If you want to help, start with keeping your energy (your “vibe”) as calm, gentle, and peaceful as possible. Try not to get frantic or frustrated. If we’re at home or in a familiar space, do things that make our space feel better - drop the blinds/make it dark, place our weighted blanket over us/find our stuffy if we have one, light a candle or burn sage/waft a favorite calming scent, like lavender. If you say anything, use a soft, gentle voice - try not to talk too much...but if you sing, that can be very soothing. Sing very softly - I don’t know why, but soft singing and rocking (if you can stay on key...sorry but it’s grating when the tune is off!) can go a long way towards calming. Things like this can head a total meltdown off or stop it in its tracks, sometimes. Or get us out into an environment that makes us happy (like a nature trail)...but if we’re past a 4 (I’ll explain in a moment), we might not be willing to.

If we’re in a school setting, get us out from under those GOD DAMNED FLUORESCENT LIGHTS...YOU might not pick up on their eye-and-head hurting flicker, but we can. They suck even when we’re in a GOOD mood. See if you can get us into a darker room, or at least one without those &$@!;!! lights. Small things like bright lights, or sounds that usually only cause mild annoyance can become HUGE - for example, my dogs. In my best moments, the sound of them licking themselves will set my teeth on edge - if I’m trying to come out of a meltdown, those sounds - or almost any sounds, really, except white noise stuff - are infuriating. I hate to say that, but 🤷🏻‍♀️ it’s just true. All your sensory shit is dialed to 11 and someone broke the knob off - there is NO “just deal with” whatever, at that point. We aren’t dealing with SHIT right then, so removal to a quiet spot is pretty damn important.

Try to distract or divert us before we’re over a 4 on a 1-10 scale, though, and absolutely before we start looping (the suggestions so far are for when the meltdown is in/almost in full swing - and I’m only speaking for older auties and into adulthood, here, though most of this stuff helps littles, too).

Let me explain “escalation scale” and “looping” - with the help of my husband, who recognizes patterns of escalation as well (in us, and in dogs ☺️). “Looping” is his word. It means no matter what you say, we keep looping back to what’s got us upset/how much we hate ourselves right then/all the bad feelings/past hurts that are piling on to the current problem. You’ll pull us out of it for a second, but then we loop right back to it. Ideally, you want to intervene before we get to the looping, which is about a 7+ on the escalation scale. Once we’re at a 7 and above....we’re consumed by it, and it gets much harder to diffuse. Think of the 1-10 scale like this: 1 is calm, 10 is completely nuclear - above a 7, almost nothing will distract us, almost nothing will divert us except bodily removal from the situation/environment & then leaving us the fuck alone (maybe figuratively but not literally - it depends on your Autie) for a while until we exhaust ourselves one way or another. If you can intervene and remove/distract right around a level 4 - which is right when you start to notice someone is getting quite agitated, you’ve got a good chance of heading the meltdown off at the pass. But if we’re already looping - repeating phrases over and over, looping back to our most upsetting feelings no matter what you say or do, sometimes while rocking or banging, you’re way too late. Now we have to ride it out together...as safely as we can manage. Now you need to make things dark, private, and as calming as you can, if possible. Or just get us the fuck out of the situation that set us off. That helps, too...obviously. I’ll tee up a possible scenario: you’re at an amusement park with your Autie. WHOA stimulation, right? You’re all having a fab time, but suddenly your Autie starts to cry or get angry or otherwise exhibit “I am SUPER OVERWHELMED” energy. 🤷🏻‍♀️ It’s just a lot to process, even when all the things are pretty fun. So, find a quiet place in a park like area to chill. Grab food from a stand - or go back out to your car and sit and eat a packed lunch or have some snacks. Don’t make a big fucking deal about it, either. Just “oh okay, I think now’s a good time for a quiet break”. Keep in mind all autistics are living in a sensory rich environment, and it can get mega overwhelming sometimes. It’s not always bad shit that sets us off.

I’ve mentioned in prior posts how it can feel like someone else is driving the car (controlling the emotions), while we sit in the back seat and scream and hit and try to get them to stop the fucking car and let us out...it’s in these moments that I TOTALLY understand how doctors got autism and schizophrenia mixed up, in years past. At least, that ripping in half is what my youngest son and I feel. YOU’RE frustrated with us right then? BRUH. WE are so fucking pissed and frustrated and upset that we can’t stop the car, too. You’re not helping if we know you are frustrated, either - that’s why I mention keeping your “vibe” as level and gentle and “no biggie” as possible.

I have some tips for head bangers and stuff, that I won’t include in this post but I’m happy to tell you what I’ve done/what can work.

Basically? “Dealing with” meltdowns is just....TRY SHIT. If you’re an Autie trying to manage your own, play around with what helps you calm down. It could be a brisk walk away from anything human, time under your weighted blanket, time in a dark warm shower or tub (idk about you, but in this house - water soothes nearly anything, most of the time), holding your pet, screaming all the cuss words you know into the void lol ....and the same methods might not work all the time (I was “feeling unsubstantiated feelings” the other day, and got into the shower before they overwhelmed me - a usual go to - but this time, the water felt disgusting, being wet just made it all worse. It surprised even me, but you gotta roll with it & try something else). But try as hard as you can to do something that will soothe you. Or find a safe place to let it all out, without hurting yourself. Pro tip, though: do not add alcohol. It not only takes away all the barriers you’ve probably put up to keep from going completely off the deep end, but it also magnifies all the bad feelings. I am, however, a big fan now of smoking a little green. I started trying that about 3 years ago and oh my god where has this been my whole adult life. I can’t take antidepressants or even most anxiety meds...but I can smoke. I use carefully chosen calming and pain relieving indica strains - sativa can sometimes make me feel more anxious. (YMMV)

If you’re the Emotional Support Human™️ of a melting down Autie, the same applies. Just try stuff. Trust me you will know if said Autie finds your efforts upsetting. It’s ok to want to talk to us about it afterwards, in a constructive way. Once we’ve calmed down, we know you’re trying to help. We’re raw and exhausted immediately after a meltdown though (meltdowns usually lead to shutdowns), so give us a little time, maybe. Or maybe not - maybe your Autie will be in a more communicative frame of mind, since it’s fresh. You won’t know unless you ask, maybe like “could we talk about this, or would you like some time to be quiet?” (Again - gentle tone and energy is important.)

Meltdowns are hard for me to write about because these days, they’re super rare, but when they happen, they’re ...well, brutal. Like really, really bad. I had one a few years ago that I think terrified my husband. We were in the car. I was getting so upset (screaming, beating my fists and probably thrashing a little) that he had to stop the car. Luckily we were in the boonies, but...not long after he stopped the car, I attempted to bolt. I felt trapped in between his efforts to soothe and the small confines of the car, and just wanted to bolt. Run. Far away. There was ZERO thought of personal safety at that point. His efforts to contain me were met with violence. I will be ashamed of that for the rest of my life - I don’t even have words for what an amazing human my husband is, and the LAST thing my non-melting-down brain wants, is to hurt him. But all I could think about was doing whatever needed to be done to escape this hell I was in. God. Just writing about it hurts, and I feel fresh shame. I’m telling you all this, so that you understand that *in that moment*, we are a cornered and overwhelmed animal, who wants to just bite bite bite or run away (fight/flight). The things we usually cling to - logic and reason - don’t exist right then. Nothing is logical - which actually adds to our upset.

There may be a time when your Autie feels like this too - and that’s one time where you DO need to intervene even if we don’t like it/hate it/get furious with you for it. If we are trying to hurt ourselves or run, do what you need to to not allow that. I truly believe this is how many young Autie kids get lost - we were upset and we just bolted blindly. We don’t react well to you stopping us....but it’s necessary.

There’s a moment in the Disney movie “Soul”, where 22 becomes a lost soul. Her little bright blue body is engulfed by swirling blackness, and inside that blackness is every bad or negative thing that’s ever been said to her. She starts looping - “I’m not good enough”, “I have no purpose”, over and over and over. This is what a meltdown feels like. In the movie, her mentor quietly hands her a small token reminder that starts to make the blackness melt away - it’s not the token that “society” thinks she should have, it’s a personal one. Shouting at her, blah blahblah talking, trying to reason with her makes her hiss and run away - but *quietly* handing her a tactile object that means something to her, brings her back to the present, and is what breaks the looping.

Here’s the clip of when he breaks through her meltdown. I hope it explains things in a way I’m struggling to. I’ll end with that...if the subtitles distract you, I apologize, I can’t find a “clean clip”.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=nmapZFDUkBk&t=41s

[svtskneecaps]

oof Taste - bad clue is one of my favorites too ! jfhdgkdjgh i fcukin Love hao in that outfit, him leaning over the table just /sure/ that mingyu was the culprit - my heart melted for him then and There i cannot dfkgjhdjkgh lol just sharing the story of how i became an 8star :DD also !! how r u ?? --💕

B R U H listen not to be a fucking simp but i’m here for ONE reason and that’s to be a fucking simp and fucking fuck they did so good and they looked SO GODDAMN GOOD. the fucking eye contact in the climactic end scene standoff over the desk, FUCKING VERNON WHERE HE JUST GOES “there’s something i haven’t told you yet” and then THE LIGTHS GO OUT AKSJALKDJFLKA WHAT A FUCKING POWER MOVE and like they did a solid job of staying in character even though i kept forgetting what their characters were lakdjflkajsdf thirteen roles is very hard to memorize in like. a quick intro sequence. except jun’s that one was easy i loved that one so much.

but like bruh the set design. fucking stellar listen the gose staff did a damn good job (either in choosing it or in dressing it i have no idea what they did to make this but fucking mad props to them either way) and it was a really good idea to give seokmin the added motive of trying to swap out the will cause it added some nice spice to the storyline of the episode and putting together all the backstories and making them distinct and having all the suspects and adding all those details must have taken so long and THE MEMBERS REMEMBER ALL THAT TOO and the fucking styling to fit their characters and also look fucking hot (which MISSION SUCCEEDED MOTHERFUCKERS) and b r u h h h h h h h h h

listen i have a lot of feelings about bad clue and almost all of them boil down to “where did jeonghan get the shotgun and why do i want him to slam it like a baseball bat directly into my skull” anyway seokmin trying to commit fraud is incredible and the fact that he STILL tries to make sure they got the will thing done in the end even after getting eliminated was fucking amazing that’s commitment to the role anyway fuckin bummer scoups got murked right away but he was too powerful to be kept in the business yknow ALSO FUCKIN COCKY ASS DINO FUCKIN COCKY ASS SELF ASSURED COOL BEANS DINO AKSLDJFLKASJDFLKJ HEAD EMPTY ONLY DINO, WHAM BAM THANK YOU MA’AM.

fuckin deadass i am gonna rewatch this motherfucker while writing this damn ask so i can make sure i simp for every fucking member because i am a simp and that is IT i am a simp before i am a human and when i say i have had this motherfucker open among my hundreds of tabs basically since it came out I WANT YOU TO KNOW I AM NOT KIDDING

ngl i STILL don’t fuckin know if mingyu knew the whole time or not like deadass i don’t, like sometimes i’m like “oh he has no idea” and sometimes they zoom in on a fucking smirk and it’s like WELL FUCKING DOES HE??? DOES HE OR DOESN’T HE

yo the conspiracies the DRAMA i’m living i’m living i’m liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiving also fucking dino poking into everything “i’m prosecutor” SWEETHEART, I LOVE YOU, BUT COME BACK WITH A WARRANT also ALKSDJFLKASJFD I FORGOT HOW MUCH THEY SCREECHED WHEN THE LIGHTS WENT OUT THIS IS HILARIOUS IT’S LIKE WHEN THE TEACHER SHUTS OFF THE LIGHTS TRYING TO GET THE CLASS TO SHUT UP

WAIT NO DINO GOT YEETED FIRST I FORGOT ABOUT THAT NOOOOO ANYWAY COME BACK WITH A WARRANT BITCH <3 omg jun noticed the statues like right away big braiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiin big fuckin braiiiiiiiiiiiiin

SIR THAT MAY BE INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE OF YOU BUT I FUCKING HATE YOU bro it’s so fuckin funny that they basically knew the answer from two thirds through the first episode and still like dude they had him sussed from round two and STILL.

ALKSDJFKLASJDKLFJ SCOUPS GIGGLING AS HE FUCKIN YEETED OUT OF THE LIGHTS OFF ROOMS AND THEN GOT ABSOLUTELY MURKED THAT’S SO FUCKING GOOD THAT’S SO GOOD I LOVE THAT SO MUCH

wait holy SHIT they fuckin yeeted josh into the hotseat and he didn’t even BLINK damn dude OH FUCK JEONGHAN HAS THE SHOTGUN PLEASE GOD CRACK ME ACROSS THE SKULL JUST ONE GOOD FUCKIN WHACK DUDE

also i know i haven’t simped for wonwoo yet and that’s because i am trying so hard to have self control but i want you to know that not only does this fucking look live rent free in my brain at all times, sometimes my head randomly conjures up him shouting “guys come here” and i can’t complain at all

also it’s fuckin hilarious that they all read the will, and THEN seokmin swaps it, and then they’re like “oh this sounds legit” EVEN THOUGH THEY JUST FUCKING READ THE WILL, LIKE?????? I KNOW YOU READ IT BRO WTF

“damn who would want to kill the chairman?” and minghao IMMEDIATELY fuckin incriminates himself what a fucking legend this man would be scary in among us like “red’s dead by electrical” “oh yeah i was just coming from there” “you just placed yourself by the body” “WOULD I DO THAT IF I WERE IMPOSTER” also he’s got the order memorized off the top of his head which is fucking incredible because i have to imagine that first episode was like at least 45 minutes or an hour filming it and i literally just watched them all get yeeted in under twenty minutes and i don’t remember the order so more fuckin big brain shit

THEY FIGURED OUT WHAT THE ROPE WAS FOR ALKSJDFKLASJFD ABSOLUTE FUCKING CHAOS IMMEDIATELY AND MINGHAO LOOKS SO FUCKING EXCITED IT’S SO FUNNY SIR CALM DOWN OH MY GOD THEY’RE ALL ENJOYING THIS LIKE VISIBLY IT’S SO FUCKIN FUNNY THEY’RE LIKE WRASSLING MINGYU WITH THESE HUGE FUCKIN SMILES IT’S HILARIOUS

I FORGOT THEY FUCKING ACCUSED THE MANNEQUIN I’M DYING OH MY GOD THAT’S LITERALLY NOT ALIVE PLEASE dude i wish they showed the eliminated group while they were accusing the mannequin that would’ve been so funny

THEY’RE SO SURE THEY ARE SO SURE IT’S JEONGHAN THIS IS SO FUNNY THEY JUST CUT INTO DEAD CHAT “it’s jeonghan” OH MY GOD

T H E  F I N A L  S T A N D O F F i will simp for the rest of my life and it won’t be enough oh my god the fucking s m i r k the fucking SMIRK the fucking “you’ve worked hard” I HATE HIM I HATE HIM DO YOU KNOW WHO IT IS OR NOT i hate him fuck he’s doing a goddamn good job and i hate him i’ll simp for the rest of my damn life but damn but DAMN dude

I ALMOST JUST DELETED THIS WHOLE THING ALKSDJFKLAJSFD SEUNGKWAN CAME ON MY BAD LJADKLSJLKFASJDFLKASJDFLK I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM INCREDIBLE NEWS ANCHOR MAN HE HAS SURVIVED THE RAMPAGE THE ONLY ONE TO LIVE THROUGH THE HORROR MOVIE BABY i love them. i love them.

i did not realize just how quiet woozi was in this two parter he’s like really quiet, maybe cause he died earlier? maybe his character didn’t have as much bearing on the overall shitty chairman plotline?? not sure he’s like really quiet aside from sussing jeonghan from the peanut gallery but he looks damn good and i am reminded of boom boom and i am : l o o k i n g

WAIT I JUST REALIZED I DIDN’T ACTUALLY TALK ABOUT MY SIMPING FOR HOSHI AKLSJFKLAJSFDLK LISTEN I WAS FOND SMILING THE WHOLE TIME THIS MAN WAS SO SURE HE HAD IT ALL TOGETHER SO MANY TIMES AND THEN THEY WERE LIKE “yeah so actually” AND HE JUST WENT SURPRISED PIKACHU FACE HE WAS DOING SO GOOD AND HE FIGURED OUT THE ROPE AND I LOVE HIM VERY MUCH GOD I CAN’T BELIEVE I DIDN’T ACTUALLY LIKE WRITE THAT DOWN ALSDKJFKLASJDF

also what the fuck was the deal with the voice recorder josh had i still don’t really understand that lmao it’s kinda bananas like what did it MEAN i wish they showed dead chat talking about that a little longer i’m so curious and also so goddamn conFUSED

here’s another overall note cause i lost my shit over vernon’s absolute power move earlier listen my man is so incredibly blasé about all the shit going on around him like he is literally so calm and i fuckin love that for him like almost every time he’s onscreen he’s just like “wow cool this thing is now happening lit” and i love that so much cause most of them are like popping off and hoshi’s making accusations and they’re sifting through everything in the set and he’s just having a great time and i fucking love that for him anyway i fucking love this fuckin two parter so goddamn much it’s so good

[skeletorific]

This Got Out of Hand (and we’re out of paint): Marvus Xoloto ♦♠Reader

yall i swear i’m gonna get on writing stuff that actually got requested but this idea wouldn’t release me until I’d finished it so here we fuckin go

This simply could not stand.

Black flirting and romance, once upon a time, was a concept utterly foreign to you. It had taken roughly three conversations with Tegiri and Polypa on the topic (and a lot of time spent around Galekh and Tagora) before it had registered to you as anything more than consistent hate fucking and passive aggressive remarks. 

That was before you met Marvus. 

The clown was many things: attractive. Creative. Charismatic. Funny. Way more intelligent than he presented himself as. He was also a shit-starter, would probably pail with Zebruh before he would confess to a genuine emotion without fifteen layers of casual slang and innuendo, and seemed to take intense pleasure in riling you the fuck up whenever he got the chance. One way or another he wormed his way into your head, and suddenly you couldn’t stop hearing his voice in your head even when he wasn’t around. Challenging you, teasing you, testing you, doing his utmost to get you a nice, steaming anger before ruffling your hair with a wink and walking away.

It was also possible you were a little bit smitten with him.

Or maybe a lot. 

Regardless, in time you’d come to understand that it was a mutual thing. For as much as he didn’t show it, you were beginning to read between the many, many lines with the clown. He enjoyed the hell out of you, sure, but he also seemed to find you something of a puzzle. Beyond the fact that you still hadn’t kicked Zebruh to the curb (and he never failed to send you an eye-rolling emoji whenever he appeared in one of your Chittr photos), every story about your past that came up seemed to render him a little bewildered about what it was you’d put up with in order to attain those sweet and lofty fruits of FRIENDSHIP. 

“i mean, lil stab-stab here, lil push off a cliff here, ‘sall gucci sunshine. normal n all that shizz.”  He’d said, in one of his rarer moments of honesty. The fact that both of you had slammed a couple liters of faygo in the aftermath of a particularly exhausting show probably had something to do with it. He lounged on the couch, absently combing fingers through his piles of hair. “but keep hangin out wih m-fers what still wish ya harm, or bloo shizzheads what won’t take no for an answer, that’s a whole other thing, uhearme?”

You’d waved dismissively from your position lying on the floor. You were a little drunk yourself at the time. “Its fine. Usually. And when its not its like….phoo, somehow it gets fine anyways!”

“jus sayin” he said, shifting until he was upside down on the couch, face inches from yours. Close enough that you could see the greasepaint starting to flake off. “need sumbody what can keep ya from gettin urself killed, lil buddy.”

“You volunteering?” You’d crooned. Ok, croon is a strong verb, it was more like slurred, but crooning was the intention is what matters.

“u askin me to?” He smirked, pressing a single claw to your forehead. Internally, you’re pretty sure that’s not how volunteering works, but noticing that isn’t at the top of your hierarchy of needs currently. 

“Mmmmaybe.” You rolled onto your back. You can feel your heart pounding just a bit right now, but somehow your voice is floating even and light. Like you don’t have a care in the world, and this is just one more joke in the scheme of your weird mobius double irony reacharound of a relationship. “Maybe I wanna go all gorlekh with you, what do ya think of that.”

“‘scuse?”

“Gorlekh. Gorgor and Lekh-…..lekh….” You made a dismissive noise, gesticulating your hands wildly as you moved to sit up. “The black one!”

“….ur talkin spades?”

“Yeah! The kissmissies….kissmich….” Wow faygo was no joke on your system. “The hate one. Like I don’t hate you, except I think I do a bit? But like in that weird alien way where I think it just makes me like you more and its confusing but I don’t wanna stop and you’re so damn cute and….and…”

Your voice trails off.

Because the man is honest to globes grinning. No smirk, no lazy half-smile, no lowered eyelids, nothing to give that careful impression that he’s only happy in a chill way. Just a huge, toothy smile that split his face.

Bro that shit was radiant.

“m-fer, u have no idea what ur in for….”

—–

You really hadn’t but you hadn’t had a moment of regret since then.

It was a constant game of one upmanship between you, an intense competition to see who could get who to visibly express their emotions first. Maybe that was unusual by kismesis standards: it didn’t seem much like Tagora and Galekh’s dynamic. But you were enjoying every second of it, and if Marvus had complaints he sure as hell wasn’t voicing them.

The only downside, all told, was the lack of time.You didn’t have hours to build on the tension. More often than not you had moments between shows. Actual antagonism had to be planned in to make sure the point got across without actually getting either of you hurt. After a full day of work he was usually too burnt out for more than light teasing and, to borrow his phrase, “sloppy makeouts”.

Those sloppy makeouts were becoming in themselves the point of your focus.

—-

After one such particular petting session, you glanced at the clock out of the corner of your eye. Fuck, it was late (er….early) and you had a long walk home with your car out of commision. You sighed, pulling yourself off of him with no small amount of protest. “I’ve gotta go.”

“u got some1 else u gotta do this to” he muttered, getting to his feet and brushing himself off. You were starting to realize a denied, overtired Marvus was a grumpy Marvus, which was as endearing as it was needy as hell.

“Maybe~.” You say, enjoying the glint he got in his eyes. You straighten out your clothes for a bit. “Tomorrow?”

“day off tomorrow bruh. clown church” He slipped an arm around you from behind, leaning down by your neck. “which means u can stay here-”

“Mm-mm” You slip free, nudging his face back. “Not tonight. Not here.”

“keep tellin ya juggz don’t spread shizz around” He said, lips pouting out a bit, which forces you to look away.

Denial is part of the game, after all. 

“‘Juggz’ aren’t the only people around here. And I’m not looking to get your fanbase up my ass. I’ve got more than enough people looking to cull me” 

“Hehe, tryna make me jealous ;o)”

You roll your eyes and head for the exit to his dressing room.The cool night air beckons outside, but you find your path suddenly obstructed by his arm. With a huff, you look up at him. “I’m heading ou-Mmm!”

The head turn had allowed him to get a grip on your chin and pull you into another deep kiss. Not a kiss, actually, if there was a word for it you’d describe it as some kind of facial wrestling match. He kissed around your mouth, your cheeks, your eyelids, in rapid succession, all the while insistently rubbing his nose and cheeks against your face as you spluttered. 

“Marvus-I—hey!!” 

With a final peck to the tip of your nose, he drew back grinning ear to ear, face paint now a smeary mess. “have a nice nite, b~” 

And you suddenly found yourself outside, hearing the door lock behind you. 

Oh that little- You snatched your phone out of your pocket and turned on your front facing camera. Sure enough, your face was now suddenly covered in white-grey paint, already caking on your cheeks and making you look like you’d fallen face first into glue.

“Marvus, I’m gonna kill you!” You said, pounding at the door. From the other side you swear you hear him laughing, which is only adding kindling to the fire at this point. 

Great. Perfect. You could either face the long walk home or use your sweatshirt to wipe it off and leave a visible stain on the black sleeves. Fuck it, you won’t be able to make it to Tyzias’s to do laundry for a bit, so you’re gonna have to walk of shame your way home. Fanfuckingtastic.

Practically the second you crossed the threshold your phone buzzed.

therealxoloto: send pics before u clean urself up aight ;o)

Oh he wanted a fucking-

You sent him a well backlit photo of your face, largely covered by an Alternian hand gesture Mallek had taught you.

therealxoloto: hell ye that’s that good shizz

Alien_among_you: you think you’re so funny

therealxoloto: clown church baby lmao

therealxoloto: i’m fxxkin hi lar i OUS

therealxoloto: ♠

Alien_among_you: ♠

You go to bed with cheeks red and chapped from being scrubbed, which was DEFINITELY the only reason they were red.

—-

After that, no kiss was safe, not truly. He’d found a button to press, and he sure as hell wasn’t gonna leave it alone while it still worked. Sometimes he’d led you go days, wipes even, without an incident, only to jump you once you were lulled into a false sense of security. Practically everything you owned had been stained with the stuff with the point, and you’d gotten more mouthfuls of it than you’d care to mention. 

And naturally, this meant war.

It took you some time to figure out an appropriate revenge. Just stealing his paints felt over the line somehow. While you were still figuring out the ropes of clown religion, the fact that you had yet to see a clown without the stuff probably meant it was important. Marvus had only just started cleaning it off in front of you, and while he hadn’t made a big deal out of it, you’d gotten the impression that it was kind of a moment for him.

So, taking the stuff wasn’t an option. All that was left was to thwart it.

Can’t mess up a face already covered.

You waited till he’d left to run an early rehearsal, then quickly raided the vanity, tracking down brushes and setting powder and a couple of those little white brushes. You opened the tins and carefully positioned yourself in front of the mirror. Alright. Ok.

You hadn’t exactly done this before, but how hard could it be to figure out? 

Fifteen minutes later you realized that optimism was a bit misplaced. You weren’t exactly aiming for perfect, but you at least didn’t want it to look like a kid had painted you up. That would give him leverage to flip the teasing back on you, which was not the point of the exerices. You kept have to undo your work. The diamonds edges were too round, or too wide. The eyebrows were uneven. It took you far too long to figure out how to even tape down your natural brows. The makeup wipes were starting to pile up and paint was getting much lower. How the hell did he do this every day, it looked practically effortless-

Footsteps in the hallway. 

Panic rose in your throat as you swept the trash into a nearby can and haphazardly tried to make the vanity look like it had when he left. As they grew closer, you realized your eyebrows were still taped down, and ripping those off in a hurry was probably not the best idea. You practically dove into the bathroom, locking the door behind you.

“¿Yo, I leave my palmhusk in here?” 

You feel a sudden rush of relief. Not your clown. You recognize the voice: Payasa, one of the newer acts. You open the door a crack, seeing a tall juggalette with close cropped hair and a complex design resembling a moth across the center of your face. Damn, you weren’t even managing basic geometric patterns, how the hell did she paint that on every morning?  “Haven’t seen it, sorry.”

“¿damn, sorry ‘bout the intrusion?” The lanky clown starts to leave, before hesitating. “¿uhh…..you doin alright motherfucker?¿Need me to get the big man?” 

“No! No….” you say quickly. “I’m fine.”

“¿alright…?”

A thought occurs to you just before she leaves. Normally it’d be uncomfortable asking, but…you wanted to get this done.“….actually you know what.” You push open the bathroom door. “Could I get some help with something?”

She turns around quickly, gaze eager. Alien or no alien, she’s new here and eager to please. “¿watcha need?”

“I need you to help me put some face paint on.” You say, gesturing pointedly to your eyebrow situation.

You feel a cold spot of dread as the clown’s cheeks go bright purple. Oh globes, is this one of those troll things you’ve just put your foot in. Did you just spit in the face of the mirthful messiahs or something. 

Payasa rubs the back of her head, eyes darting towards the door. “¿er….does Marvus…know about this?”

“Its a surprise for him,” You say quickly. Hoping against hope, because otherwise its back to the drawing board or figure out how to do it yourself.

“¿I…?” The clown grimaces, nervously tugging on one of her many piercings. She seems to be at war with something inside herself. Finally, she swallows and looks back down at you. “¿sure….?”

A relieved look crosses your face. “Thank you so much, I promise I wouldn’t ask otherwise, but I’m pretty hopeless at this. 

“¿heh…no p?” She said, giving you a shy half-smile. “¿did you uh….have a design in mind?”

“Oh, that’s the easy part. I just need you to copy Marvus’ design.”

Another weighty silence. The purple faded, and its hard to tell under the makeup but you think she might have just gone pale, her eyes bulging out of her head.

“….is that….is that not ok?” You say weakly. 

“¿I-….it’s uh, fine!?” She managed to stammer out. The gazes towards the door returned, but after another look at your pleading face she seemed to gather her courage and slam it closed, making you jump. “¿its fine.?¿ Can do it quick, right?¿ Don’t have to be a big deal or nothin…?”

“Uh….sure?”

Payasa drags up a chair to the vanity bench and gestures for you to sit down. Despite the oddness of her behavior, you’re didn’t get this far looking gift clowns in the mouth. You sit down.

She makes quick work of it, though she still seems nervous. Her face keeps going purpler and purpler the longer she paints, and her ears flatten to the side of her skull as she worries her lip with her fangs.

“Are you sure this is ok?” You finally ask. “There’s not like, a rule against this or anything, right? I don’t want you to….I don’t know, commit heresy or something.”

“¿Nah, nah, not heresy, motherfucker.?” She says quickly, dabbing the poff in the setting powder before carefully dusting you. “¿Jus….little unusual is all.?¿But ain’t my place to judge.?”

“Why is it unusual?” True, Marvus seemed to prefer to do his own makeup, but you’d seen other juggalos do each others faces all the time, especially on the rare wipe end Marvus could drag you out to clown church. It had always seemed kind of peaceful. 

“¿I uh….think I’m gonna let Marvus tell ya about that.?” She mutters, putting on the finishing touches. “¿Ain’t sinful, though, promise.?”

“Well….that’s good, I guess.” You help her put the paints away. “Thanks again. His reaction should be worth it, at least.”

She let out a sharp laugh. “¿Yeah, imagine it will…?” She got to her feet, replacing the chair and giving you a lazy, two-fingered salute. “¿Gotta bounce and get ready for my set.?¿have a nice night, little motherfucker.?”

“You too.” Man, what does it say about your life right now that ‘little mothefucker’ read as affectionate. Before you can contemplate that, Payasa leaves the room, closing the door behind her. 

Marvus doesn’t come back for another twenty minutes or so. You lounge on the couch, scrolling through your messages and dicking around with a couple of games you’d downloaded for Diemen. You got so far down the rabbithole that by the time Marvus opened the door you’d almost forgotten what was on your face.

Almost.

“m-fin sound issues, swear 2 fxxkin glob…” He was muttering, twirling his staff absently in his fingers. “sorry i’m-”

He finally turns his eyes on you, and you’re treated to a rare sight.

Marvus Xoloto, speechless. Mouth still halfway open on its way to whatever he’d been planning to say. Eyes slowly tracing your face. You could practically see the question marks popping up over his head.

Its your turn to smirk, tucking your phone back into your pocket as you sit up, tossing your hair back a bit. “Lookin for your makeup rag? Bad news bitch, I’m already co-”

Marvus heads back outside, slamming the door. 

….Ok. Not the reaction you were expecting.

You waited for a second. Was this a bit?

….

Ok ok not a bit not a bit-

You scrambled to your feet, following him out the door.

Instinctively you move towards the green room, but he’s not there. Just a couple of the others, lounging around and hitting each other with squirts of a substance you deeply hope is whipped cream. One of them catches sight of you and their eyes go wide. “….damN, didnT knoW yoU anD xolotO werE therE.”

“Have you seen-….what do you mean there.”

They chuckle, getting up and clapping you on the shoulder, giving you a big goofy grin. “he’S A luckY maN. prettY surE I saW hiM headiN foR thE costumeS closeT. leT A brotheR knoW iF yoU neeD A buckeT oR somethiN, aY”

Coming down to it you wish Marvus’ friends were a little less helpful sometimes. “I…think we’re good. Thanks” You brush past him on your way to the closet, hearing a couple distant “whoops” as you retreated.

The costumes closet is tucked away in a small corner. He’s not there, and for a moment you nearly considered looping back to his dressing room, before-…

Is that muffled screaming?!

Nervously you tap on the door. “Marvus…”

The sound lapses, and there’s a long pause.

“…..ye?”

“You uh, doin alright in there.”

“heh…def b. gucci.”

“You kinda rushed out.”

“…..”

“I’m coming in.”

“…..cool” he says, sounding resigned.

You open the door. Its stuffed to the brim with an array of truly unspeakable clothes. In the blinding sea of color Marvus is practically camouflaged, but you do eventually spot him. Slumping against the back wall, holding a crumpled shirt in his hand that he seems to have been screaming into. His expression is stony and tired in a way you aren’t used to seeing from him, and his eyes aren’t meeting yours.

One of the hardest things you’ve had to figure out about kismesis is when to break kayfabe. Following every barb or prank with an apology kind of defeats the purpose of a kismesis. They’re supposed to let you dangle a bit. But at the same time there are lines that can’t be crossed. You’re not supposed to genuinely hurt them, or force past boundaries they aren’t comfortable being violated.

The issue, especially in Marvus’ case, is figuring out the difference between the two.

You close the door behind you, pressing your back against the cool metal. “So…..I’m getting the impression that this,” You gesture to your face. “May have been a bit more symbolic than was my intention.”

He’s quiet for a long moment. You can see him struggling against himself, probably considering whether or not he should try to laugh it off. In the end though, he just nods.

“And I may have hurt you somehow?”

“u didnt-”He groaned, tilting his head to lean against the wall and closing his eyes tight. “who even did that 2 ya…”

“I….they’re not gonna get in trouble, right?”

He gave you a Look. 

Right. Not his style. “Payasa”

“n she didn’t think to explain y that might give a clown some m-fin pusher problems?”

“She was acting kinda weird about it, but I think she assumed I knew. Or…was maybe a little too scared”

He sighed, breath coming out in a huff. “fxxkin messiahs…” Slowly, he slid down the wall to sit on the ground.

You hesitated a second, before approaching him. Carefully, you slid to sit down next to him, resting your hands on his knees. “…Can you explain it to me? Please?”

His claws traced out patterns in the shirt he was still holding, as his eyes seemed a million miles away. You found your attention drawn to the slow rise and fall in his chest, the tension in his shoulders. He seemed nervous, a weird look on a man who came alive in front of a crowd of millions of rampaging teens. 

“juggz paint iz personal shizz. start workin on the lewk on yer naming day and it keeps changin while you’re changin. lotta symbolism and liturgical shizz go into it but the main thing iz its….u.” He turns over his hands, staring down at them. Faint purple lines run across the palm, a crisscross of old scars. “ur paint’s ur identity. sum mothafucker steals that, they’re stealin u. hell, even gettin some1 else to paint for ya is a big fxxkin deal. ur puttin ur whole identity in their hands and askin em to put it on ya. lotta clowns don’t even let their quadrants paint em”

Your palms go clammy. In your long proud history of fuck-ups, this one didn’t quite take the cake, but it had definitely cut out a larger slice than would be deemed socially appropriate. “I….holy shit, Marv, I’m sorry.”

“sorry?”

“I didn’t realize, this was like, taking something from you. I can take it off-”

You cut off your sentence when you realize his shoulders are shaking.

If he’s fucking crying you are gonna lose your entire mind-

And then a laugh tears out of his throat. Low and throaty and sweet and uncontrollable, the kind of laugh you heard from him maybe once in a blue moon. You’re taken aback (and more than a little flustered). You can only watch, cheeks growing progressively redder as he slowly subsides, hunching up a bit as he tries to catch his breath.

“I…what….”

“fxxkin saviors, b, sumtimes i forget, ufeelme?” He turned to look at you, grinning wide. “forget how alien u are to allathis. i ain’t mad”

“You aren’t?”

“nah lmao”

“….then what was all of this about?!” You say, shoving his shoulder. “I thought you said-”

He catches your wrist, pulling you to straddle his lap. “hey, hey, don make a m-fer bust out the shoosh paps.” He says, tone completely amused as he soothingly strokes your arms. “jus shuddup for a sec and lemme get raw, kk?”

You decidedly have more to say. But… looking at the soft expression on his face you’re having a hard time remembering what it is. In the end you nod for him to continue, settling back at bit against his legs.

He takes your hand, gently unfurling it and caressing circles in the palm with his thumb. “ur paint is u. and the people all in ya life, the 1s that count….they’re also u.” His thumb presses down solidly, shooting sparks up your arm. “told ya, the design grows like u do. pretty much expected once shizz gets serious with some1 ur gonna change things up a bit to reflect that. like chahut. the heavy paint round the sight specs a reference to that little indigo shit she goes craftin with. doesn’t always happen right away, but, when it does…” He releases your hand and moves up to cup your face. Eyes lidding a bit as he contemplates the design, traces the diamonds with his eyes. “pretty fxxkin big deal”

“I…..so, when I….” Your face goes red with the sudden implications, which makes him chuckle.

“yeah lol. kick in the bulge. not xxxactly what i was thinkin i’d see”

“So….that’s why you left?”

His lips press together a bit, and he gives a shrug at least twice as nonchalant as it should be. “…yeah. woulda been trippy even if ya were another purple but knowin u had no fxxkin clue what u did. like watchin a lil squeaker paint prophecies in stick figures. had to get out just to make sure i didn’t do smthn weird as hell”

“…..like what?”

He hums, gripping your chin and dragging you back down to press a soft kiss on your lips. Warm breath fans across your face as he smirks, exposing just a bit more of his fangs than was technically necessary. “show ya when we got more time ;o)”

You groaned. “This is illegal”

“fxxkin arrest me then bih” He patted your thigh, flicking his brows up.

You mutter something treasonous under your breath.

“n-y ways, u should clean urself up” He kissed your forehead. “camera crew$$$ gunna b up my a*s soon”

You sigh. “Right…” Bracing your hands on his shoulders, you push yourself to your feet. “Heaven forbid we appear to visibly be a couple”

“rite? gross lmao”

You shake your head and smile as you head for the door. “Right. Gross.”

“hey.”

Before you can turn around he’s wrapped his arms around you from behind, fitting you neatly to him. He leans down to bury his face in your shoulder, and despite the circumstances that lead you here, you know the only motivation is a desire for closeness. “let me do u up next time” He mumbles, voice rumbling against the skin of your neck. “not mine, but….somethin a yours. find out who u are, ya feel?”

…..You cover his hands your own, squeezing them tight and biting your lip to hide a grin. “….bold of you to assume there’ll be a next time, bozo”

“c’mon, we both kno u can’t resist the idea of my touchstumps all up in ur nugbone hehe ;o)”

“Sure that sentence would be very sexy to someone who isn’t an alien.” You turn in his grip to face him probably. “….love you.”

“aw, babe, that’s gay lol”

“I taught you what that means and you weaponize it against me? Treason.”

“i’m 1 naughty m-fer.” He kissed your forehead. “love ya 2”

“And…..hope you aren’t attached to this shirt.”

“…wha-”

Acting fast, you yank up his shirt and scrape it across your face, taking as much greasepaint off as you could before breaking free of his grip and bolting out the door. Loud, clowny curse words chase you as you tear through the halls, a smile threatening to break your face in half as you ran.

The road to vengeance is long sometimes, but it sure is sweet.