#i fr can’t believe ive never heard of this!!

[isawken]

have you seen the 1994 slasher flick Funny Man ?

a quick series of things happened when i saw this ask.

> “oh this looks like a cool movie ive never heard of before!”

> “i should do a quick google to get a vibe check on this”

> *googles*

> *sees this*

> “I Have Got To Watch This Fucking Movie”

[taesancore]

the playlist i never sent

woonhak x f!reader

(𝐈𝐈) OUR

a/n: finally pt.2 is here!!! this took quite some time to post and i apologise for the delay~ pt.3 might be the final one, i hope you enjoy this one and tysm for reading the series until now!!🫶🏻

🍦.ᐟ read part one here❕

🍦.ᐟ genre: f2l (idiots to lovers🤡), little angst

🍦.ᐟ warnings: idiots fr, PININGGG!!! lots of mutual pining and dumb characters, but hey nobody’s perfect :). mentions of TWS’s jihoon, Le Sserafim’s eunchae, NewJeans haerin, zb1’s yujin, IVE’s leeseo and Enhypen’s ni-ki.

wc: 4292, lowercase intended

“you kissed her?!” jihoon had almost shouted woonhak’s ear off in class. “say it louder won’t you? i don’t think the other building heard it” he snarked as jihoon still stood dumbfounded. “no i- so she kissed you?” the boy questioned further. “i don’t know! what am i gonna do” woonhak groaned into his palms. “did you like the kiss though?” jihoon asked, wiggling his eyebrows this time as woonhak scowled at him.

truth was, he had no idea. technically she had kissed him. but he had kissed back, he had no idea why he kissed back. and a part of him had no idea how he was gonna tell this to y/n, they told eachother everything.

she doesn’t like you anyways, what’s there to worry? rang out a small voice in his head as he sighed.

“are you going to tell y/n?” jihoon questioned hesitantly, he knew how much the boy liked y/n. “no…it’s better if i don’t jihoon” woonhak said softly. yes, she showed zero signs of liking him and probably never will, but a stubborn sliver of hope in him refused to die down. and then suddenly, a bulb lit up in his head.

“however…”

꒰ 🍵 ꒱ؘ ࿐ ࿔*:･ﾟ

you on the other hand were panicking as you should be. you couldn’t stop replaying the night’s events in your mind. somehow your mother had believed your lie of feeling sick during the event and returning home early, so staying at home and “resting” during the weekend gave you time to call eunchae over and spill everything.

“WHAT?!” she had shrieked when you told her everything. “I KNOWW THIS IS BAD” you had wailed. “no this is brilliant!! you can now confess to him!” she cried gleefully as you looked at her in disbelief. “of course not?! did you not hear a thing of what i said?? he likes someone!!” you huffed out loudly, heart sinking at the statement.

“…you seriously can’t be this dumb y/n” your friend said after a beat of silence.

“you’re right i can’t…which is why you won’t be telling him that it was me!” you cried out. ignoring eunchae’s absolutely done expression, you continued, “woonhak would never suspect me, and he did mention that he liked someone that night, so i’ll make it my mission to find out who he likes and make him believe that she was the dove girl!”.

“y/n…why would you do that?? you like him for fucks sake!” eunchae said with frustration.

“you don’t get it chae, if he finds out it was me…everything’s gonna fall apart” you replied lowly. you had already pictured his reaction if he discovered that you were the dove girl, the excitement in his eyes fading away into disappointment. you couldn’t bear the thought of losing him if he found out and your current plan was the best idea.

“besides, he’d probably have no intention of finding the girl from the ball, given the fact that he he likes someone”.

꒰ 🍵 ꒱ؘ ࿐ ࿔*:･ﾟ

“y/n, i need your help” was the first thing woonhak had said when they met that day at his house. “sure but with what?” you had replied, puzzled at his solemn face and request. he then proceeded to fill you in about the night at the ball where he ran into the dove girl (you might have tried to hide a little grin at the nickname he gave you) and how she also abruptly left that night.

why he didn’t mention the kiss you had no idea, perhaps he really liked someone else from your class, and maybe the kiss meant nothing to him. as your dejected self let this thought sink in, you almost missed his next words.

“…so i need you to help me find her”

“you WHAT??”

woonhak ignored the way you choked on literal air as he continued to ramble on.

“—i’m thinking we’ll make an account on instagram like one of those cliche reels—“

“why do you want to find the ball girl so badly?” you interrupted him, trying to mask your anxiety. oh this was so not going your way. “because i have something that belongs to her” he said after a moment. what?

“…she dropped this while she left and it’s an important clue—“

your eyes widened to the size of golf balls as woonhak lifted a single pearl earring to show you.

fucking idiot, how did you not realise that you lost it that night?? you continued to silently hurled expletives of all sorts towards yourself as you felt your palms grow sweaty.

“you okay y/n?” woonhak questioned, probably noticing your panicky expression (you hoped he didn’t). “that’s a really expensive earring” you said in a small voice.

technically it was, your dad had bought it for you a year ago before he passed away. you really hoped you could somehow get it back but that seemed impossible as you couldn’t dare to reveal yourself.

“really? that’s the second clue! i knew you’d be good at this” woonhak beamed. “i still don’t get why you’re asking me to help you find her—or why you want to find her” you grumbled as he tsked

“because you’re my best friend?” ouch.

“besides, won’t it be a little fun too? to think of it as a secret mission of some sort!” he made a little ‘woah’ face at you with a huge smile as he flopped down onto his bed.

yeah…for you, you thought helplessly. yet you giggled at his antics as you fell onto the bed by his side, the topic of the ball lay completely forgotten as you two basked in each others presence as usual.

꒰ 🍵 ꒱ؘ ࿐ ࿔*:･ﾟ

“kim woonhak likes someone?”

“haven’t you heard? he’s searching for the girl who danced with him in the ball!”

“he even put it up on the school page!”

“oh how i wish it was me…”

“right! wonder why she left though, such a cinderella story”

the words flew past you the minute you entered school the next day. seriously, you undermined how passionate your best friend could be as you took in the sight of multiple girls talking about what colour dresses they wore and what masks they picked. “kim woonhak you little shit” you muttered, musing over the effect he had on the freshman girls who continued to watch the reel he made, explaining the features and characteristics of the dove girl.

“seriously, at this point any of them could end up being his mystery girl” your classmate haerin scoffed as a couple of girls in the next bench looked up the cost of a peach dress online.

too bad they’ll never find the original one, you thought as you thought about your dress that your mom had taylor-maid for you.

the talk of the town, woonhak himself came to take his place behind you, booping your nose as he skipped towards his seat, casually sending butterflies to fly in your stomach. you turned around and glared at him to which he sent a cute little smile as the teacher called out for attention.

“hey, do you think she’ll come out?” came a whisper in your ear while mr. jung droned about the different clauses. “what?” you coughed out, trying your best to sound subtle.

“the dove girl, now that she knows i’m, you know, kim woonhak” he said with a cheeky tone. you sent a dry smile at that. “someone’s full of themself today” you replied as he made a sound of denial.

“woonhak and y/n! silence please” mr. jung barked out as you two fell silent. the class continued in silence as you thought about woonhak’s current plan. what if someone did step out and claim that they were the dove girl? would he believe it? if he did…it would make it easier for you won’t it?

“psst, you know she kind of reminded me of you” the boy behind you whispered again in your ear as you let out a choked noise.

“y/n is everything alright?” came mr. jung’s voice as you continued to cough into your fist. shit the whole class was looking at you.

you muttered an apology after you calmed down and shot your friend a glare, he sent you a confused expression in return. damn it, what did he find familiar?? “and how exactly did she remind you of me?” you hissed back at him as he shrugged.

“don’t know, she’s terrible at walking in heels, just like you” he snorted lightly as you held back an offended expression.

i literally ran down two floors in those heels! was what you wanted to say. obviously you couldn’t so you just rolled your eyes at him. “gee thanks hak—“

“that’s it you two! detention today evening!” mr. jung’s yell cut you off as the two of you winced.

you let out a silent groan as haerin snickered from next to you. great. just great.

꒰ 🍵 ꒱ؘ ࿐ ࿔*:･ﾟ

“wait—what makes you think it isn’t y/n?” yujin, one of woonhak’s freshman friend piped up. “pay attention dumbass, she wasn’t at the ball” came hyunseo’s snarky reply as yujin let out an ohhh.

woonhak’s sighed as he sat up from the grass of the football turf. his friends continued to bicker as he packed up his belongings to head to detention. “enjoy detention hyung!” yujin called out as hyunseo giggled. “yeah, with y/n” she teased as woonhak smiled at their antics.

seriously, almost all their friends knew that he liked her, how didn’t she see it?

“what’s up shawty—oh i’m sorry mrs. moon” he mumbled with bright red ears as he scurried away to the seat next to you. mrs. moon let out an amused smile while you tried your best to stifle your laughter. “ah stop alreadyy” he whined as you continued to giggle.

shit your perfumed was so distracting today, it had hit him with its sweet scent today morning when he got them into detention too. he smiled to himself as they got to work with the detention essays.

an hour had passed already as woonhak lied down with his head facing yours, gazing silently at you who was fast asleep on your desk. he smiled to himself as you mumbled something softly in your sleep, rustling a little as some hair fell on your face. god, his hand yearned to move it away from your face but he held back.

“you’re practically shooting heart eyes at her you know” came the voice of mrs. moon as she observed the scene with great interest.

“it’s nothing new mrs. moon…she’s the only one who hasn’t seen them” he said softly, still not taking his eyes off the sleeping girl. his hand ghosted above your face, seriously itching to brush those stray hairs away.

ah young love, mrs. moon thought as she smiled at the scene. “try the back entrance near the turf, mr. lee is taking another detention near the front entrance” was all she said as she got up to pack her bag, shooting woonhak a small wink. his confused expression turned into a huge smile which he sent mrs. moon.

mr. moon truly was the best, he wanted to give her the biggest hug in that moment.

꒰ 🍵 ꒱ؘ ࿐ ࿔*:･ﾟ

“psst—hey y/n!”

“….goaway”

“detention’s over dumbass”

you woke up to meet woonhak’s face inches away from yours. the last time he was that close to you was when you kissed��

stop. stop thinking about that. stop thinking about his lips—

he stepped back quickly, clearing his throat as you registered your surroundings.

“get up sleeping beauty, we have to escape”

you sat up with bleary eyes as woonhak grabbed your hand, pulling you up. well that definitely had you a little awake as you looked at his nonchalant demeanour as he casually interlinked your fingers. ok, you two were really good friends, this is normal, yeah.

“ok…now we run” woonhak said once you two were near the class door.

“what—“

you had no time to process as you found yourself dashing across the corridor with a hand in woonhak’s own. the wind whipped across your face as he laughed at your bewildered cry of “why are we running??”

“who’s there!” came a roar from the classroom you ran past. fuck, mr. choi. “shit!” woonhak yelled as he sprinted faster, nearly causing you to trip in the process.

“fuck your never ending spaghetti legs kim woonhak!” you hollered as mr. choi’s shouts faded into the background. the evening glow of the sun was nothing compared to his bright smile as he whooped, he was now running next to you as both of you started laughing at the thrill of it all.

“that was—oh my god!” you giggled as the two of you slowed down while panting and breathing in. his hand was still in yours, you realised, but you didn’t want to tell him that, in the fear of him pulling it away.

“should we get some food?” woonhak murmured, taking in their surrounding area which was the neighbourhood filled with eateries and stores near his house; a popular stop for your classmates who went on dates. you really hoped he didn’t realise that (though a part of you was hoping he brought you here on purpose).

“sure” you said as you led him to the nearest ice cream shop.

her hand is still in mine, whatamisupposedtodo.

woonhak hoped you didn’t notice how sweaty his palm was, how couldn’t it be? he was sure he’d been holding your hand for more than a solid fifteen minutes for now and just how were you so calm about it??? his insides were nearing combustion and here you were happily looking at the different ice cream flavours.

“one cookies and cream and a mint chocolate please!” you chirped as woonhak smiled at himself. you remembered his usual order—

of course you did, you two always had ice cream together, why was he so giddy about this?

“are you guys together? there’s a couple’s discount along with a cake on the house if you are!” the guy behind rhe counter who’s tag read ‘jaehyun’ quipped.

“ah actually—“

“yes we are!”

woonhak’s eyes nearly popped out of his head as he stared at you. you on the other hand squeezed his hand as you turned towards jaehyun with a smile.

“great! please have a seat over there!” he replied cheerfully as he shot you two a grin.

“what was that about??” woonhak said as soon as you sat down, his hand was unfortunately no longer in yours as he sat on the opposite of you.

“hey, you gotta seize the opportunity” you said while taking a bite of your ice cream.

moments like these, where you nonchalantly and so easily made his heart flutter, was the reason he was charmed by you. “you could’ve said that you wanted free cake” he grumbled, trying to hide his flushed cheeks.

“hey! does the idea of being my boyfriend sound that bad” you scoffed, causing his eyes to widen. you really had to applaud your acting skills because you were mentally screaming in your head, for when had you gotten this bold??

“t-that’s not what i meant! stop twisting my words!” woonhak cried dramatically, causing you to laugh. “by the way, how’s the search for your mystery girl going?” you slowly asked.

“i swear to god— the amount of people who obviously aren’t the dove girl are all up in my dms, i know that they aren’t her!” he insisted.

“how do you know they aren’t?”

“i’m telling you, they literally had pics of themselves in different dresses posted and yet they’re trynna tell me they were the dove girl!”

“never mind then” you said.

“but one of them seems suspicious you know”

he said suddenly. your ears perked up at this, this was a positive sign!

“who?”

“you know seowon right?”

know her? your insides deflated at his question. of course you knew her. woonhak’s dance partner for last year’s yearly festival. she was a trainee from STAR entertainment and honestly? she had always had a thing for woonhak, literally everyone could see it. you were sure he probably did at some point too, given the chemistry they had, maybe he still does-

“y/n?” you jolted as woonhak snapped his fingers in front of your eyes.

“ah seriously how are you sleepy already? you literally snoozed an hour ago!” he complained as you scowled playfully at him.

“as i was saying…seowon had a picture of herself wearing an orange dress on her profile—it isn’t clear enough but it looks…”

bingo.

“then it could be her!” you said in false excitement.

“i don’t know…it doesn’t feel like it’s her…” he said unsurely.

“tell you what, i’ll spy on her tomorrow” you said seriously. oh you will, you had a clear plan now and couldn’t wait to spill this to eunchae (you were a 100% sure she’d jus call you a dumbass but still!).

“you’re gonna look like a creep” woonhak wrinkled his nose.

“oh shut up hak”.

꒰ 🍵 ꒱ؘ ࿐ ࿔*:･ﾟ

“you’re the most dumbest dumbass i’ve ever met y/n y/l/n” eunchae declared the next day as you two drove to school in your car.

“i don’t even know what she did but i agree” came mr. yoon’s voice from the drivers seat as you made a sound of betrayal.

“mr. yoon! how could you?” you cried as he snickered.

“no seriously y/n! you wanna talk to seowon and ask her to be the mystery girl? are you hearing yourself?” eunchae repeated your plan in disbelief.

“he already thinks it’s her chae, it’ll be the best way to close this case” you sighed.

“you could just tell him, that it was you you know, why are you doing this to yourself?”she questioned softly. she really hated seeing you hurting yourself while always placing others before you.

“because i know, he’d never see me in the same way again if i do chae” you said sadly.

“i’d rather be sad while seeing him happy with someone who isn’t me than lose him completely”.

AN HOUR LATER~

why you put yourself in these kind of places you had no idea. yet here you were, hiding behind a bathroom stall as you ‘spied’ on seowon and her friends who were busy talking two eachother.

“come on! it so was you seowon that night at the ball” one of the girls gave a little squeal.

“yeah! why don’t you fess up to kim woonhak?”

“you two are practically made for eachother you know” another swooned as seowon shyly exclaimed.

“stop it you guys!”

well. they seemed to be fixed on the fact that their friend was the one. no wonder woonhak was a bit suspicious. “but you know, he asked us if you were with us at the ball, and we said you weren’t” another girl replied.

your ears perked up at this, you could weave a story with this one that’ll seem convincing…right?

the bell rang at that moment as you heard the shuffling of their feet while they walked out of the washroom. you stepped out a minute later but stopped due to your phone ringing. oh it’s mom.

“hello—“

“y/n, we have to attend director min’s party next week.”

it’s like she only cared about you when you had to attend events like this. not once did she ever call to check up on you or ask you about your day.

“—so you’ll have enough time to find yourself a date, bring woonhak if you’d like” her voice came through the speakers.

“okay, love you mom” you said.

“hmm”. the line went dead.

you put the phone down, trying to ignore the tears prickling your eyes. seriously why were you acting up today? this was nothing new anyways.

but why did you feel like your heart was being crushed into a million pieces?

“find a date…shit”.

꒰ 🍵 ꒱ؘ ࿐ ࿔*:･ﾟ

“put that phone away mr. popular, we have fifteen minutes left!” jihoon chided a busy woonhak, who was currently groaning at the number of dms in his account.

“i don’t get it…they all obviously aren’t the dove girl so why are they—oh?”

“what now?” jihoon said, exasperatedly as he peeked into his friend’s phone.

“kang seowon?” he added, puzzled as he read the dm she sent.

“what…the fuck” a hushed whisper came from him as woonhak stared at the message, expressionless.

꒰ 🍵 ꒱ؘ ࿐ ࿔*:･ﾟ

you walked back towards your classroom after lunch, discussing the ‘date’ situation with haerin.

“i’m assuming you’ll ask woonhak then” she said as you pondered. that could work.

“you’re right…i’ll check with him and return, save me a seat!” you called out as you made his way towards his class, did he have math or science in the next period?

“yo woonhak, i—“ you faltered as you saw him in a serious conversation with none other than kang seowon. she was smiling shyly at him while he had a blank expression on him.

“y/n hi!” she chirped at you. “i was just asking woonhak if we could meet next saturday, as a little get-to-know-eachother hangout!”

this was it. you had done all the spying for nothing after all. you should’ve been feeling happy, relieved even. yet, why did you feel like everything was crumbling down?

“r-really? that’s cool! you said with faux enthusiasm, missing the look woonhak gave you. “that’s a really good idea you know—“

“y/n can i talk to you?” woonhak cut you off with a serious expression.

“hak what happened?” you said once he pulled you to the corner near the classroom. you could see seowon peeking at your direction curiously.

“is it really cool? with you? he questioned with the same expression.

“think about it, it’ll make it easier to find out if she’s the dove girl or not!” you explained as his expression morphed into an unreadable one.

“is that really what you think?” he asked.

“yes woonhak” you smiled, ignoring the growing lump in your throat.

his eyes refused to meet yours. he had seen this coming anyways, yet it hurt like a thousand needles every time you sent him reminders like these. reminders that make his remaining hope want to extinguish itself completely.

“i’ll see you next week” seowon said while walking away, with a coy smile which she directed at him. he felt nothing though, just like how he felt nothing when he saw her message where she asked him to meet up. she might be dove girl though woonhak, he told himself, hoping to get some of his optimism back with the possibility. yet he couldn’t bring himself to.

“what were you going to tell me? earlier when you came here” he asked as you faced him.

“huh? oh—nothing really” you muttered, suddenly gazing at the ground beneath you with interest.

“okay then” he said, stepping away with hands in his pockets.

“have fun…next week” you let out, giving him a weak smile.

“thanks” he replied with a dry smile as he walked away to his class.

you stared at the direction where he walked off to with a whirlwind of emotions swirling in your mind. god your head hurt. everything made no sense right now, wasn’t this what you wanted?

yeah. this wasn’t the time to overthink.

you needed a date, and there was no way in hell you were going to ask woonhak now. not when he had a date on the same day.

꒰ 🍵 ꒱ؘ ࿐ ࿔*:･ﾟ

you had reached home a little later than usual, mr. yoon was visibly concerned at the change in your usually chatty behaviour after school but decided not to bring it up.

he was however, a hundred percent sure that it involved your best friend woonhak though, seriously everyone was able to see how head over heels you were for him.

your mood indeed was pathetic. all you wanted to go home and do was eat a heavy meal and sleep, to temporarily forget the events that took place today. however you had a terrible surprise waiting for you, as you were greeted by a face you absolutely detested, once you entered your house.

“y/n! it’s great to see you here, you look beautiful as usual” drawled eunbin, who shot you a sleazy smile. yuck.

“eunbin, i wish i could say the same” you deadpanned, ignoring his eyes that roamed over your frame. yuck again.

sung eunbin was the son of your mother’s senior at work, whom you often met at the events you accompanied your mother to. and every single time he attended, he made sure to let you know that he was single and ready to mingle.

seriously, he always managed to give you the ick whenever you met him.

“y/n! get ready and join us for dinner, meanwhile you can show eunbin your room!” your mom called out, further dampening your mood. seriously, today had to be one of the most annoying days ever.

“how’re you feeling about the party next week? i take it that you don’t have a date?” he jeered as he followed you to your room. jeez this guy couldn’t take a hint to save his life.

“it really isn’t any of your business you know” you shot back as you slammed the door to your room shut. if only you could skip dinner and be in here forever.

“seriously though, i don’t get why you never let me be your date” eunbin said the minute you stepped out of your room, dressed in formal attire.

“i mean, i’m practically doing you a favour, given you being single and all…” he smirked cockily at your irked expression.

oh he was really testing your patience today. scratch that, the entire world was testing your patience today.

“who said i was?” you snapped back, without realising the words that came out of your mouth.

“oh?” his eyebrows flew up into his hairline. “do enlighten me”.

“yeah, i’ve got a boyfriend”.

just what did you land yourself into?

a/n pt.2: im literally posting this at 1:30am rn so i’ll recheck for any errors in the morning! meanwhile do like and reblog if you enjoyed reading this! feel free to comment to be added to the taglist, and stay tuned for pt.3!!

🖇️: @woonagi-lemon @luvhanniex

[cannot-copia]

So how was it?!?!?!

Ok this ended up being an entire book and I don’t think that’s quite what you were asking for sorry lmao

I FUCKED IT UP BUT IT WAS WILD TO BE PERCEIVED BY FUKIN PAPA EMERITUS IV

LIKE,,,,HE TALKED TO ME?????????? ME????????????????

but I had a plan and everything I was gonna ask which his fav outfit was and if we could wobble ass for the pose but I walked in there and he was like

Hi

and I was just like hi 👋

Then he just,,,,stared at me for a few seconds just like staring into my SOUL

then he looks back at the curtain where it opens

Then back at me then back at the curtain just looking at me like I was supposed to do something and I was like ???????? what is he doing???????

Then he points at the curtain and looks at it then me again and waits a second like I was supposed explain something but IDIOT me still didn’t get it

Then finally he goes like “was that your sister?”

And I was internally like OH FUCK IM STUPID bc I AM A TWIN and my sister went before me and we dressed the same HOPING FOR THAT EXACT REACTION

And he spoke SO SOFTLY I almost didn’t think I actually heard him for a second

So then I was like yes it was we are twins and told him how everybody always would try to argue with us and tell us we were identical even tho we aren’t and he was just LOOKING AT ME like this mf DOES NOT BREAK EYE CONTACT

Then he like gestured at his face and said something like well you look it/you look the same

Then didn’t say anything else for a second then the camera guy was like picture time and he went back behind the glass and I got scared and couldn’t make myself ask for a pose and I was panicking and just tried to copy him but I KNOW I fucked that up too

Then he was like well thank u for coming have fun etc and that was it

I ended up actually feeling much calmer than I thought I would in there but like my fukin mouth was like s twitching so bad the whole time and I have no idea why bc that’s never happened before in my LIFE bro probably thought I was like having a stroke or smth

And as soon as we started going back I was shaking SO BAD

As for the show it was FUKIN FANTASTIC of course but I gotta say the people around were kinda lame

The vibes were IMMACULATE yesterday at the barrier (after the crowd surfing/fight/getting smashed into the barrier incidents) it was SO MUCH more like I don’t wanna say fun bc it was fun both places but I can’t think of a better word??? On the floor I can now understand why people wait so long to get there and I really want to do it again

But now it’s about to be real Post Ritual Depression hours fr I can’t believe it’s over

Also while I didn’t get a hug from the real papa (which I would NOT have survived) but I did get a picture and a hug from a pretty good papa ii cosplayer and damb idek who the fuck that guy was but the feeling of a hug and he had the robes and stuff it was so 😩 I have not received a hug from anyone in like years and I’m not even lying I almost cried

And if you’re the anon that was asking about the covid tests they didn’t do it

[randombubblegum]

oh my godddd i always forget grace leaked the fandom tracklist and every time i re-remember it i’m just like AHHHH the rage i feel on behalf of awsten is so strong. like your ex girlfriend who is fucking your best friend gets on her livestream to the followers she only has bc shes fucking your best friend and LEAKS THE THING YOUVE PUT SO MUCH WORK INTO FOR X AMOUNT OF MONTHS like i can’t even IMAGINE. to be a fly on the wall during that conversation with awsten and otto after it happened. bc didn’t awsten tweet&delete something right after that was along the lines of “don’t forgive someone on my behalf bc i am still angry” or something??? and like you just KNEW it was bc otto was like “oh bby grace it’s okay honey it was a mistake” while awsten was FUMING

NO BECAUSE ^^^^ ALL OF THIS COSIGNED FR……. it is absolutely INSANE the way she continues to cling to parx for relevance and free clout when awsten has made extremely clear over and over again that he is NOT okay with it and frankly for good fucking reason???? like i am SO FURIOUS on his behalf over this LOL i have my moments where i think awstens out of line but this is not one of them. like gr*ce is a fucking nutjob and i cannot believe shes been allowed to get away with doing this THIS LONG especially when she and everyone else knows damn well what she pulled w otto. imagine not only having to still deal with all that bc shes still fucking the best friend she hooked up with behind your back shes ALSO still clinging to ur work and brand for free clout bc shes too lazy to actually do her own content anymore but cant stand not having attention. sickening.

also DID HE? that sounds super familiar actually im 99% sure ive heard that before……. i wasnt around when it happened but i DO know she immediately tweeted all this like….insanely immature unhinged pity party shit like “you think i fucked up? you hate me? you could never hate me as much as i hate MYSELF” and continued throwing a tantrum until finally deleting her twitter to avoid the heat. el oh el. its especially bad when you remember how SERIOUSLY awsten takes any leaking of his plans or fucking with his info release schedule? like he went absolutely haywire when equal vision leaked entertainment (and dd?) stuff too early. he even put a whole ass FAKE TRACKLIST into the website code for fandom!!!! and then gr*ce comes and does this and fucks with his art she shouldnt even still be mentioning much less trying to attach herself to.

i know some parxies were trying to comfort this grown ass woman telling her it wasnt her fault and everyone makes mistakes blah blah which i assume awstens tweet was about but if it was actually bc of otto…… yeesh. YEESH. i know awsten was absolutely furious like not a joke LIVID over it too. i think otto put his foot down after that and set perhaps SOME boundaries with her bc she never puts him in her lives anymore buuuuut clearly not enough if shes out here in 20fucking22 opening question boxes for new parx teasers like she has any business doing that! :)

[i-did]

hi hello i couldn't sleep last night so i was scrolling thru all ur asks and stuff and ur opinions and analyses are so interesting!!! and then afterwards i was thinking about what u were saying about mlm smut and i'd also been thinking about such things a little bit recently bc like.....at a certain point it becomes quite clear that the vast majority of smut-writing is just imitation. like there's the sex noise verb list and all and the whole general mechanics of the sex and those things just .... replicate over and over. and the whole thing w people writing mlm vs wlw smut regardless of their own sexual orientation..... like i feel like a big part of that is just a self-perpetuating thing. like if u have not had sex and u r getting all ur (pleasure-related) sex ed from fandom (even if u do watch porn, that doesn't rlly tell u how to describe stuff? idk) regardless of What fandom , the majority is going to be mlm smut. which is itself majority imitation of other mlm smut, imitating and imitating back to whoever knows what the first smut fanfic was etc. there's just way More to mimic than there is on the women side of things. which then becomes a self-perpetuating thing, bc the mimicry continues and generates more and more. and---if there are fundamental misunderstandings of anatomy involved---those self-perpetuate as well. and maybe even exaggerate. and yeah. does this all make sense? idk i was just thinking about it. like all the stereotypes and stuff continue bc writers are getting their inspo from other writers rather than their own brains. or something. idk!!!!! it's just all... divorced from reality? bc words. or something!! i hope u get what i'm trying to say. just thoughts i've been thinking. anyway i think ur thoughts are cool. and ur writing. ok bye have a good day!!

Okay yeah this is kinda messy but hope u see this, uhh yeah I think you're right about the echo chamber effect fr about stuff. I think it's a mix of projecting too sometimes. talk more under the cut and also link to a video essay since I love video essays.

Here’s a video that sort of touches on this topic: 

“Gay fanfiction” by Sarah Z. (has CC)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H8E_C00dKwI

This video begins to talk about fetishization at the end, but also… not really. The words “gay fanfiction” is used as a catchall, when really gay fanfiction is largely mlm written by non-mlm.

Fandom is a largely women's space dominated by the female gaze in a media industry world that is dominated by men and the male gaze. I'm really glad women have this space to explore creativity and queerness, and I don't expect the female gaze to go away, but I am still ultimately bummed out I can’t read most fanfic or interact with most fandom spaces without having fetishization in my face. 

So about 80% of fandom is women, and most of those women aren't straight, but 90% of those women prefer mlm ships. Why don’t they prefer wlw ships? Well definitely part of it is the fact that queerbaiting is centered around white straight men, and then there is also the fact that women tend not to be written as well charcter wise. But the fact still remains that you get jerjean getting priority over Layla and Alvarez who are in canon just as much and are a canon wlw couple who actually interact as well as Alvarez could likely be a woc because of her Hispanic last name. Korasami doesn’t get nearly as much hype as zuko and saka, despite the fact that they are 2 fully dimensional characters who canonly kiss and hold hands, something the creators fought for and ended up having to sacrifice another reboot for. 

I do believe the fandom echo-chamber is largely responsible for… a lot of things, like you're saying. But what's interesting is that the complaints I've heard about visual porn from non mlm in the fandom space is that they can’t get off to it because its for the male gaze and misogynistic usually. But they also don't seem to notice how the mlm smut circles has the female gaze and is also… almost always mlm. If it was a pure anatomical not knowing thing, I get that, but I also think that leads to the question of “then why the male body for porn, and not your own? The one you know and are familiar with?” 

I know some people want to get outside of their own body for porn and don’t want to think of their own anatomy at all, but overall I'm still uncomfortable. If an anglo said “well I watch porn of only Mexicans so I don't self insert” I'm gonna be like … hhhh in a similar way. I understand people “like what they like” but I wish they also noticed said patterns in the first place. I understand the t4t tumblr porn circle, and how it's different from cis people who only watch trans porn. 

I actually wished that instead of fandom focusing on mlm ships where some asshole guy hits on bottom troupe charcter for top troupe character to save, was instead… a wlw character experiencing said shitty getting hit on and other wlw swooping in. what's interesting is fandom writes a lot about misogynistic experiences without often realizing it. Ive read fanfic where guys get called sluts for sleeping with people or called bitch for speaking their mind, these arent things men usually experience, but rather women. Fandom has a lot of internalized misogyny and also queerphobia imo. Women characters often get pushed to the sidelines and men become the canvas for female fans to project onto. 

There is this natural inclination to mlm. When people are talking about “gay shipping” or “gay books” or “gay feels” or even just “gay” mlm is what’s largely in mind. I honestly am kinda saddened by this because if gay fanfiction was really solely about writing more to feel represented, then you would see a lot of bi and ace and lesbian rep, but this isn't the case. Queer women are seriously underrepresented, and I want to hear their stories and read them in fanfiction as well as published. 50% of lgbt literature is mlm, and of that its largely written by women. Becky Albertalli, Rainbow Rowell, Maggie Stiefvater, are the YA big names and are all women writing mlm. Red white and royal blue is written by Casey McQuiston and Captive prince (which is not YA) is written by C. S. Pacat, who is non-binary, but is also TME and not mlm. These are all the big names in mlm lit, behind them is some gay men, but honestly their stories aren't preferred, they're not the right “flavor” for the consumers usually, who are largely women. In general YA consumers and authors are women, but I wish that they… just wrote about women too. I think there is a certain… snowball effect to the overrepresentation of mlm representing the whole LGBT community that leads to fetishization, as well as misogyny playing a factor in: less women characters being written well to write fanfic on, when they are written well they're taken less seriously or the audience struggles to relate to them, they're less marketable then men. 

Idk I never feel “seen” or “represented” by any of the books above, which don't address boyhood and manhood and queerness intersecting really, and AFTG doesn’t either. I relate to AFTG as a trauma victim who has experienced a lot of what many of the characters go through and have gone through in the EC as well as them just overall being very well written characters, but I don't relate to it as a mlm really. I've never seen like.. gay voice or being straight passing or femphobia or how boyhood can be affected from a young age by those around you sensing you're ‘other’ or if you didn't experience this you feel outside the mlm community. Let alone sub cultures like bear and leather and pup, at most you see the word “he's such a twink” in fandom which... i fr hate non mlm using that word because it's usually used to replace the f-slur essentially, used derogatorily or to call him “such a bottom” and stuff like that. It’s like a joke or an insult.

Long story short, idk mang this was a ramble and I think I'm coning down with something. I wanna see more queer women rep and women authors writing about being a queer woman too. I think it's a complex web of fetishization and a bit of forbidden love yaoi culture (or it used to be in the BOYXBOY days) as well as misogyny on an industry level, creator level, as well as reader/consumer and fandom level. I don’t think it’s inherently wrong to explore other peoples stories and what we read has to be segregated, “only mlm are allowed to read and write mlm, only wlw are allowed to read and write wlw,” but I also think author’s intent and audience and background is telling, as well as overall statistics. Like about an hour ago I was looking for cookbooks in spanish or in english, and I was looking for some mexican food cook books, but I had to look for them using words in spanish because otherwise what came up was a bunch of “fiesta party, easy as uno dos tres authentic cooking!” and I was like… hm. Since I could tell they were marketing to anglos. (also the author’s last names were like michelle smith, james cooper, and this could be for a variety of reasons, but I trust Hispanic names more tbh and deadass would look at the authors pictures and if they had other books in Spanish or what their specialties were.)

anyways. not sure how to end this. uhm if anyone has any book recs (my to read list is like 500 books tho no joke) preferably not YA white mlm written by a white lady, hopefully queer women written by queer woman, LMK, I need more wlw and queer women stories on my list. I have a decent amount but always looking for more. I kinda wanna link my goodreads or my storygraph but I also don't want to get doxxed and it has my legal name on it so.

Also, I'm dyslexic and using spell check but if there's like some wild typos my b.

[excatholicatheistace]

My Cult Story Part V: The Gift of Intercession

I'm sharing my experience in a Catholic Charismatic Cult. You can find Parts I-IV on my page!

TW: Religious Trauma/ Spiritual Abuse

Fr. Brad liked to tell people that his Discernment (a word used in some Christian circles to describe the ability to distinguish God's voice vs. your own) was 96% accurate. This is the number Frances Phillipes told him as she was praying over him as a young man (according to him, anyway).

I mention this because it show intense the obedience structure was in this group. Frances Phillips was shrouded in mystery, we weren't allowed information about her other than that she was incredibly holy, heard the voice of God audibly, saw visions, and had an incredible gift of healing.

Then there was Fr. Brad (at our international campus), Mr. 96% accurate, then Br. David. and finally, Steve and Joe.

It was drilled into us that God anoints certain people and we were to fall in line under them. It's honestly not so different from the Catholic Church as a whole, who teaches that we are broken, have a fallen intellect and will, and can't discern right from wrong properly because we are wounded by concupiscence (The Catholic Church defines this as a natural inclination toward evil that we have because of the fall of Humankind), so therefore we should trust the people anointed by God to lead us. They have the Holy Spirit guiding them in a way that we don't. Ultimately, it was seeing these parallels that led me away from the Church altogether.

The main difference is that this group claims that authority over you in everything. Your gifts were discerned by them, your purpose was discerned by them, whether or not you had demons attached to you was discerned by them, whether or not you were "in tune" with the anointing was discerned by them.

So, when I met with Steve and Joe in anger one day because they hurt a friend of mine, it was a big deal. I was going against their authority... and who was I but an "ungifted" girl with a "Spirit of Sensitivity" attached to me?

My friend had come to me crying the night before saying that Steve and Joe told her that she didn't have enough faith to be healed from her Generalized Personality Disorder.

My poor friend, who was already anxious enough that she wasn't holy and who was struggling with the Church's language on how broken and messed up human beings are. My poor sweet friend who cried at the thought that even the Saints get purgatory time and how she didn't deserve even that for how "wretched" she is. My poor friend who couldn't find a medication that worked for her and she started spending more and more time in her room.

I was fuming.

I met the guys at the coffee shop near my room at the bottom of the hill. I told them that they aren't mental health professionals and they aren't doctors. I explained that they may have done her grave harm and hurt her even worse.

Their response? God is the ultimate physician, Prayer never harms people, They were following the anointing, God anointed them for this ministry, and of course, they ended with more criticism of my spiritual life. They mentioned that I haven't been going every Saturday anymore and they noticed, how they know I don't pray A Prayer to Take Authority enough, and they reminded me that I don't have the gift of healing.

I was unbelievably frustrated, so I called Br. David.

At first, he reiterated the same message (God anointed them, I'm not in tune with the anointing so how would I know if it's harmful, etc.). But, I refused to let the conversation end there. I tried appealing to his empathy by describing my friend and what she is going through. I described what she looked like crying on the floor of my room and how fearful she is of praying now. I was surprised at how silent he had become as he listened. He was silent for a long time before he said, "I'll talk to the guys about their bedside manner."

.

I'm not sure what he said to them, but they did look like they were fed a dose of humility after that. At least for awhile. They spoke to me in a more gentle manner, they didn't constantly question my ability to reason, they were mostly quiet. People on campus said they were much nicer at the Saturday night meetings (my friend wasn't the only one who got hurt by them). They even "discerned" that I had a "Gift of Intercession." This didn't allow me to pray over people. It essentially meant that I was really good at praying for others on my own in the silence. It sounds ridiculous now, but, I was happy with my "gift." I guess it shows how vulnerable I was and how badly I wanted to believe and to be accepted. I truly did blame myself for most of the things that were going wrong.

Nathan was my best friend that year (he decided he was able to "handle" being friends with me after he saw how much it was hurting me to go back and forth) and he was so immersed in the group. It became his entire existence. He lived and breathed it. I think he was a major reason that I stayed, too. I truly loved him and at this point he was my biggest support. And Daisy, while she wasn't present on campus anymore, was still enamored with the group. I visited her often and we would pray for the anointing together. I trusted her. She was one of the smartest people I knew.

I figured I just disliked Steve and Joe, not the teachings. This wasn't true, but we all tell ourselves things to help our brains cope without rocking the boat too much.

(To be continued)

[pinkykitten]

are you bored yet?

synopsis: with uncertainties in life you cant say for certain if you and fred being together is a good thing or bad thing. so many things are running through your mind as you spend watching the sunset with the love of your life, fred weasley. 

pairing: fred weasley x female! reader (i swear im like obsessed w him i need therapy fr) words: 1,503 genre: fluff omg so much, romance, song based, writing challenge, one-shot

a/n: so this is based on the song are you bored yet by wallows. and this is for the writing challenge of @lunalovecroft​. i had so much fun writing this and as u can tell im currently in a fred spiral and its out of control but idc tbh. he is so beautiful and yes he is invading my dreams every night. enjoy yall and hope u like also thnx for liking my recent fred drabble so much it means a lot to me and requests are open! ps i also tried to incorporate the words and meaning of the songs lyrics to the story hope that makes sense. 

The ocean waves crashed against the soft, cool sand. It would simmer and relax, but then the pent up frustration mixed with wind would allow it to meet and kiss the earth. 

The future always scared you. Somedays you looked forward to it and other days just the unknown was filled with anxiety. It was the feeling of not being able to control loss and love, happiness and sadness. You would find yourself some nights thinking about it, almost losing your mind. 

The sun was setting so peacefully and beautifully. It was something so simple yet something so divine and of such importance. You had faith in the sun and space. Yes, everything around you may be changing and things might be going wrong but one thing was for certain was that the sun was going to rise and set every day, when the sun rises that will be your new chance at starting anew. 

It was so peaceful. The smell of sea was so inviting and comforting. What was more comforting was how Fred let your head rest against his chest. The feeling of worn out cotton against your cheek, as you heard his heart beat almost at the same rhythm as yours. It was if you two were in perfect sync. The faint smell of cologne that Fred always used to try to impress you made you feel at home, along with a small smell of something unknown to you but only Fred had that smell. Maybe it was gingers own scent. 

You sighed, relaxing. 

“So, love, what do you think about the muggle world?” Fred asked, wiggling his brows like he was the man.

You looked up at his freckled face, from his chest, giggling, “You know I’ve been here before.”

Fred laid back down and enjoyed the moment with you. But something was eating you up inside. It was starting to bug you that everyone had a someone. Ron to Hermione. Harry to Ginny. You were starting to feel left behind in the crowd. Again with the uncertainty. Everyone was with their soulmate and you felt lonely. 

You didn’t realize Fred was eyeing you this whole time you had this battle in your head. He could tell something was off. “What’s wrong?”

You very much disliked confrontation so you pretended to fall asleep. 

“I saw you were awake Y/N,” Fred sat up. He was patiently, quietly waiting for your answer. 

You sat up, kicking your feet against the peak you two were sitting on. The warmness from the sun making you smile just a bit. “I wish we didn’t have to leave. That we could sit here for the rest of our lives.”

Fred chuckled, scooting closer to you and resting his head against your shoulder. Something sparked within you at the contact. You could feel his breath on your neck, feeling the hair stand up on its own. You leaned your head against his and sighed once again. 

“I wish I could sit here with you forever too sweetheart. But unfortunately we’re really not supposed to be here and I bet some muggles would find us and we’d be toast.” Fred kissed your knuckles. 

You distanced yourself away from him, worrying Fred with wide eyes. You couldn’t bear the physical connection you two had and not have something from it. Yes, you and Fred were friends but you were wanting more than that. You yearned for more than that. “There is just so much on my mind,” you said quietly. You can tell you hurt Fred’s feelings but you needed to know what Fred was doing to you. Why did he kiss your hands? Why did he want to be with you daily? You needed support, something stable in your life. 

“Feels like I've known you my whole life I can see right through your lies,” Fred was worried seeing you so distant. 

He was right. He knew you in and out. He knew when you were okay and when you were not. You leaned back, “I like this guy and I’m afraid he doesn’t like me.”

“That’s bonkers! Who wouldn’t like you Y/N?” Fred tried not to grit his teeth at his jealousy. This man was so lucky. 

“I’m afraid Fred. I don’t know if he’ll feel the same way and when we get older will he still feel the same way about me? There is so much to think about. What if something happens to him? I would fall apart, I would be living in fear and paranoia.” You clenched your fists. 

“Wow, you do really love this man?”

You huffed as you looked into Fred’s eyes for a split second, hoping he would get the hint. “I do, I really do.”

Fred was silent. He was playing with his fingers. He usually had always something to say, seeing him like this was odd. 

“If you could tell me how you're feeling,” you held Fred’s hand. 

“I don't know where we're going But I'd like to be by your side,” Fred blurted out. You gasped as you took your hands away and held onto to your skirt, holding in your breath. “I can’t go on living knowing I didn’t at least try to stop you from being with that other guy. I know you love him Y/N but I love you. I can’t do this anymore. Kiss only your cheek when I want to kiss your lips so bad. I can’t make believe that every time you hold my hand I don’t feel a spark. Or when you come to my room every time you have a nightmare. When we cuddle, how I carry you on my back. I can’t make believe that those things don’t affect me. I can’t keep putting this wall between us and making believe we’re not something worth fighting for. Tell you the truth baby, I’m smitten with you. I’m so madly in love with you.”

Your lips trembled as tears fell down your cheeks. Fred couldn’t help himself and also found himself emotional, wiping his tears with his jumper sleeve. Nobody knew what to do. “Why are you crying love?” Fred whispered. 

“Because the man that I was referring to and talking about was you Fred,” you said with tear soaked lips. The wind carried your tears away. “I love you Fred Weasley.”

You both were knew in this territory of love. Love that you would sacrifice everything and risk more. Love that was unconditional. It was awkward the air funnily. 

“So are we more than friends then? Like boyfriend and girlfriend?” Fred was so shy. You both just confessed your loves for each other, nobody knew what to do. You both were just friends for so long. 

“When we get old, will we regret this?” You asked, bashfully. 

“I will never in my whole existence ever regret meeting you and being your love. No matter what tough trials come, I know I will always be by your side.”

“I will forever love you Fred. There is not one person on this world I love more than you. I’m so grateful I was sent to Hogwarts because you’re my favorite person.” You gave a small, genuine smile. “Maybe we'd get through this undefeated Holding on for so long.”

In one swift moment, Fred’s lips came crashing down against yours. It was with such passion and fire. Like Fred was preparing his whole life for this one spectacular moment. His lips moved against your and you couldn’t help but deepen the kiss by running your fingers through his orange locks and pushing him more towards you. You wanted everything he got. 

Fred pushed you back and wrapped his warm hands on the back of your neck. Your hands fell to his collar and you clutched onto it with all your might. You felt you might explode. Fred went from your lips to smothering you in kisses all over your face. You heard his laugh and saw his toothy smile but it was better because his freckled covered cheeks were such a cute pink. He was blushing the whole time. Fred kissed your nose and you and him laughed together, simply in love. He leaned his head against you for one moment and leaned back in his spot on the cliff. 

You were out of breath and stunned. Did that just happen? You were so happy it did. You sat there surprised by the amazing kiss, touching your lips and feeling them sting a little from the contact. It was incredible. The best sensation of your life. 

Fred saw you the whole time, smirking. He coughed to get your attention and your eyes traveled up to see the most amazing view. He was leaning back, his lean neck resting back against his shoulders as his adams apple bobbed. But what got you choked up was his lips were plump and wet from your twos make out session. His skin was flawless with his freckles and his eyes were bright and light from the sunsetting. The sun’s rays hit his face just perfectly to make him look like a prince. Like he came down from heaven. You were so dumbfounded at how a man could look this beautiful and handsome. 

Fred smirked as he bit his lip, winking, wanting to tease you, “I don’t know if you wanna get out of here or maybe go get a bite together as I’m your new boyfriend. I mean 'Cause we could stay at home and watch the sunset But I can't help from asking, Are you bored yet?"

a/n: ive been listening to this song on repeat and know its in my head and i just want to make an edit of fred for this song cuz he is so bf material. thnx for all the love and support stay safe guys and tysm. 

[haileygarciasunshine]

Dark Empress

Pairing: Kylo Ren x Reader

Warning: mentions of blood, swearing

Word Count: 1,822

Part Two

This has been something floating around in my head for awhile now🤷‍♀️🤪

The galaxy had an infinite number of stars, and an infinite number of galaxies that could, or couldn’t have living beings in them. Letting out a frustrated groan, you couldn’t help but believe you were the dumbest in all the galaxies. You had gotten captured by Storm Troopers. It’s not like they would let you go. You were a higher up in the Resistance.

It wasn’t until you were captured that you felt scared. Of course you’ve been captured before, but you’ve never been captured by the Empire before. It wasn’t until recently that there was talk going around about, how bad ‘Kylo Ren’ was. He was tough and didn’t care about anyone he hurt.

That didn’t give you much hope in getting out alive let alone much hope in getting out. You knew the chances of surviving your capture would be slim to none. Being force sensitive you had met Kylo, on several occasions. After the first couple meetings, it was almost like you could sense something. Something like, kindness. You didn’t know much about him, but you knew enough to form your own opinion about him. One of them being he was misunderstood. Being the kind hearted person you were, you often tried to see the good in people, even if that person was the leader of the Empire.

Over the last few months, you had started to develop feelings for Kylo, though you’d never admit it aloud. Seemingly, as you accepted your fate, two Storm Troopers appeared in front of your cell block.

“Come with us.” They said as their voices were masked by a mechanical sound from their helmets.

You rolled your eyes before responding with a scoff, “Like I have a choice, you goons.”

Once they entered your cell block, they placed thick metal handcuffs that were connected together by a chain. There was a Storm Trooper in front of you, and one behind you, leaving you with no way to escape. It wasn’t apparent where they were leading you, but it was farther than they had before.

They lead you into an interrogation room. As the realization dawned on you, you tried to bolt from the room. The Storm troopers were quick and injected you with anesthetics. Once, you had awoken you noticed a familiar face. It was Kylo Ren. You were strapped to an interrogation chair with invisible straps.

“Good. You’re awake.” His deep voice sounded.

“What do you want from me?” You spat voice filled with bitterness.

“I think you know what I want.”

“I’m not of any use to you. We both know that. Why don’t you save us both some time and let me go.”

“Now why would I do that? Here I thought we were having fun.”

Before you could snap back, you felt excruciating pain in your mind. He was trying to pry the information from you. He wanted the satisfaction of seeing your pain, but you weren’t going to give it to him. It took every once of strength you had, not to scream or cry or flinch in pain.

“Why don’t you save your flirting for the scavenger girl.” You quipped back, it was evident on his face you had caught him off guard.

With a huff, he exited the room. The feeling of relief had flooded through your body as you almost collapse against the chair.

It had been three days since your last encounter with Kylo. You didn’t bother moving from your current position during that time. Laying on your left side, looking out of the window, wondering how Finn and Poe were doing. 

Kylo, decided that he was going to have you one last shot. He appeared at the door to your cell block, not even bothering to acknowledge the intruder. 

“Follow me.” 

“Why?”

“What do you mean ‘why’? I want to discuss something.”

“Since when?”

Kylo let out a frustrated groan. If you weren’t the most stubborn person he had ever met. Here he thought he was.

“Come with me, don’t come with me. Fine.”

“Alright. I’ll bite.”

This caught him off guard. He hadn’t expected you to fold so quickly. As you were following him, to where ever it is he wanted to take you, the thought of going into his mind crossed through yours. Why not take a chance seeing as you won’t live to tell the tale. It only took a matter of seconds for him to react.

“Don’t ever try to get inside my head,” he snarled, slamming you against one of the hallway walls in the ship, trapping you between either of his arms. It felt like years had passed under his intense glare. After, awhile his expression softened along with his voice, “It’s too dark for you.” Taking a step back, he continued on down the hallway, expecting you to follow, as you did. 

He took you to the command center, giving you one last chance to become one of the First Order Commanders. Both of you stood in the middle of the command center arguing. 

“Nobody else will be as understanding as I am.” He spat bitterly.

“Oh? Is this you being understanding?”

“This is a serious matter. Being immature won’t help you.”

“Oh please. You’re just pissed because you won’t get to play hero.”

Letting out a frustrated huff he continued, “What’s that supposed to mean?” 

“It means, that I can save myself. I don’t need the ‘great’ Kylo Ren, to step in and save me!”

“Wh-”

“I’m a damsel. I’m in distress. I can handle this. Have a nice day!”

Turning on your heels, you angerly, walked towards the door. As, soon as you had made it into the hallway, there was a man that collapsed five feet away from you. Seeing as you were a Doctor for the Resistance, you bolted over to the unconscious man. 

“Sir can you hear me?”

He let out a moan in pain.

“Sir, my name is Y/N. I’m a Doctor, i’m here to help.”

You were so engrossed in trying to help the man, that you didn’t notice Kylo make his way over to you, and observe you. A couple First Order Medical personal, had made their way to you. 

 “How can we help?”

Being so focused on helping the man, you barely registered what they were saying to you. It wasn’t long before the man came to and was yelling expletives at everyone around him. He took a look at your outfit and saw that it wasn’t what the First Order workers wear. You had sent the First Order medical personal to get the necessary supplies needed to help him.

“Get away from me, you Rebel Scum!”

“Sir, I need you to calm down.”

“Don’t touch me with your filthy Rebel hands!”

It had been a long day. You were tired of putting up with the First Order and their crap. The mad had been shot, and the bullet that was lodged safety has now been dislodged.

“If you want me to stop, then I will. I won’t bother wasting my time for someone who can’t see past the First Order.”

By this time you were covered in this mans blood.

“Daddy!”

“Don’t be stupid John! Let the woman help you! Please!”

You and John turned to look at both his daughter, and an older woman you presumed to be his wife. 

“They’re right,” he said breathy, “I’m sor...”

“John!”

“Daddy!” 

“Get them away from here!” you yelled to nobody in particular. There was a big crowd starting to form in the hallway you were currently occupying. 

“You heard her get everyone out of here!” A husky voice barked. Flinching, you didn’t think he would still be there. Continuing to work feverishly, you were able to get John stable. He was currently in the infirmary, hooked up to an IV, sleeping. You and Kylo, had been sitting beside his bed. Surprisingly, he staid with you the whole time.

“Go on baby, ask her.”

 “Excuse me, Miss Y/N?”

You and Kylo, moved to the hallway to speak to the wife and daughter of John.

“Yes?”

“We just want to say thank you, for saving daddy.” The little girl hurled her tiny body, at your legs in an effort to hug you. Chuckling, you knelt down so you could give her a proper hug. 

“Do you think the tall man in black would let me hug him?” she whispered in your ear.

A warm smile, had spread across your face, “Let me ask him.” You whispered back. She still had her arms wrapped around your neck when you decided to press your luck. You reached up to where Kylo’s gloved hand was, before wrapping your fingers around his, and lightly tugging them down. To your surprise, Kylo obliged kneeling down close to you. 

Slightly leaning over to him, you whispered, “she would like to know if she could give you a hug too.” Surprise, spread across his face, as he looked between your face and the small girls face.

“Okay Mia, that’s enough for today. I don’t think the ‘Supreme Leader,’ wants to be bothered by this.” Her mom interjected.

“It’s alright.” Kylo said softly, causing Mia to squeal, and throw herself at Kylo causing him to lose balance, and fall backwards with Mia clinging to him. He looked at you with shock in his face. The scene before you, caused you to giggle and then burst out laughing. Kylo had a not too subtle blush on his cheeks. 

“Mia! I’m so sorry Supreme Leader!” Her mom bellowed. Once, Kylo gained composure, he sat upright with Mia in his lap. His Leg was fully touching yours at this point, and neither of you tried to move away.

“It’s quite alright.” 

Mia looked between you and Kylo, before she threw one of her arms around you, and the other around him pulling the both of you in for one last hug. Kylo’s right arm, wrapped around your waist to keep the three of you balanced, the touching gesture, caught you off guard. 

“Say goodbye Mia. Let’s go home.”

Both you and Kylo waved to her as she left. 

“Don’t say anything.” His voice laced with sarcasm.

“What? I wasn’t going to!” You smiled, laughing.

Kylo, had talked you into working as a Doctor, for the First Order. It wasn’t hard, considering you loved being able to help people. It had been almost a year since you joined the First Order. You weren’t a solider, but you did help the wounded ones, that came back. 

Over that time, you and Kylo had grown close, especially, since you shared a force bond. He would consider you his friend, while you had developed romantic feelings for him. Tonight, there was a big ball and Kylo, had invited you to go as his date. You wanted to take the leap and try to get him to see you as something other than a friend. 

[johannesviii]

Top 10 Personal Favorite Hit Songs from 2020

You know, when I finished my latest list and realised every decade had the same pattern and that we were slowly going towards a series of great years for pop, I didn’t realise how good that year would be.

What’s at the top? Am I boringly predictable because I already said I loved that song all the way back in January 2020? Let’s find out.

Disclaimers:

Keep in mind I’m using both the year-end top 100 lists from the US and from France while making these top 10 things. There’s songs in English that charted in my country way higher than they did in their home countries, or even earlier or later, so that might get surprising at times.

Of course there will probably be stuff in French somewhere on this post. We suck. I know. It’s my list. Deal with it.

My musical tastes have always been terrible and I’m not a critic, just a listener and an idiot.

I have sound to color synesthesia which justifies nothing but might explain why I have trouble describing some songs in other terms than visual ones.

So. Uh. How was your 2020?

Mine was actually surprisingly good, considering. I’m lucky enough to have a job that I can partially do from home, and I was extremely paranoid from the get-go and nobody got sick under this roof so far. Turns out I’m even better at my job from home and I got permission to work from home one day per week even after the health crisis is over! My first name was also finally officially approved and I can’t tell you how happy I feel about that. I almost feel bad to have had such a good year considering the circumstances. I feel like an asshole just because I’m happy, haha.

The only frustrating part was that I was supposed to see Hatari in concert in Paris in early April which, as you can guess, was cancelled. I’m not too mad about it though, since their tour was called “Europe will crumble” and the message saying the tour was cancelled started with “since Europe is actually crumbling due to Covid-19″ and that’s hysterical.

Good or interesting albums that came out in 2020 now, let’s see.

Nightwish released Human/Nature, which was a huge letdown compared to their previous album, but I will relisten to it at some point to make sure I wasn’t just in a bad mood that day.

The Birthday Massacre released Diamonds, which might be their weakest album since their debut, but contained some real gems (I listened to The Last Goodbye on a loop, it floored me. Flashback and Enter are also very good).

The 1975 released Notes On A Conditional Form, and let’s be real, it’s a f█cking mess. You could cut half the tracks and end up with an excellent album, but as it is it’s like, yes, a collection of notes ; however there’s some truely excellent shit on it (see unelligible songs).

Thanks to a friend on a discord server I was exposed to Dorian Electra’s music and I haven’t been quite the same ever since. I’m so happy to be alive to see other enbies making such great music with an insanely good aesthetic surrounding it and asking so many interesting questions about gender. Also the arc the ‘gentleman’ character goes through over the course of the entire tracklist of the 2020 My Agenda album is absolutely hilarious, don’t @ me.

I also discovered 100 Gecs this year. Why are most of you guys saying it’s unlistenable garbage. It’s just as abrasive and over the top as industrial music is, but with none of the edginess or drama. I love it. What the hell. But yeah Tree of Clues was released this year. Good.

Speaking of industrial, in March 2020 Nine Inch Nails were like “hey remember when we released Ghosts I-IV a decade ago entirely for free and how amazing that was? Well we’re all in lockdown and bored as hell so here’s Ghosts V-VI and it’s also free. Enjoy” and I f█cking died instantly. And it’s even better than I-IV. What the hell was that year

Jonsi released Shiver. It’s strange and highly experimental. I’m pretty sure it’s a good thing I was into hyperpop this year, otherwise going from his previous material straight to this album would have been brutal.

Yadda yadda yadda After Hours by the Weeknd good yadda yadda.

I’ve joked about that already but if you had told me in 2019 that 2020 would have fires, a pandemic, riots, monoliths appearing and disappearing, and also a super good Machine Gun Kelly album, guess which part I would have found the most ridiculous. But yeah uh. Tickets to my Downfall good

So uh this year I tried to listen to some hyperpop and liked it a lot, and I also dipped my toes timidly into screamo and listened to Svalbard, who released When I Die this year, and the entire album was a very beautiful, very intricately decorated punch to the face. It sounds like God Is An Astronaut except with a shit ton of yelling. I love it. Open Wound is my favorite track on it.

But no, despite all of this, my album of the year was from a band I had never even heard about before that year, called Spanish Love Songs. The album is titled Brave Faces Everyone and it’s line after line after line of extremely relatable generational angst but yelled with complete sincerity and it’s so propulsive and energetic you can’t help but feel both exhausted and ready to fight the entire universe. I don’t know how it works, but it’s incredible. The entire album is wonderfully brutal, so it’s kind of difficult to pick my favorite songs on it, but Beachfront Property and the title track stand out.

Unelligible songs, now, and there’s, uh, quite a few of them too so I’m also gonna use bullet points. Good lord this post is gonna be long.

First, let me say I have literally no idea why Midnight Sky by Miley Cyrus wasn’t a bigger hit. It’s not on the year-end US top 100 and it feels extremely wrong. Would have made it to #4 on this list otherwise.

I still entertain the vague hope that stuff from Machine Gun Kelly will chart higher in 2021 but I doubt it will happen so I might as well tackle it now and say that Bloody Valentine and especially Forget Me Too are both excellent and that it’s a shame radios aren’t playing them more often.

Heaven by the late Avicii featuring Coldplay should have charted in 2019 and still didn’t chart in 2020 and that’s a real shame.

If the world was a bit less unfair, Lovesick Girls by Blackpink would have been a hit rather than the awful Ice Cream.

One day I will stop complaining about my bafflement concerning the lack of mainstream pop charts success of The 1975. Today is not that day. I just love how they keep making songs about extremely awkward relationships full of weird details, and I haven’t grown tired of that yet. So yeah If You’re Too Shy is about a guy who’s crush is asking him to get naked on Skype in his hotel room and he’s, uh, not too sure about that idea.

And Me & You Together is about a guy who never finds the right moment to tell his best friend he’s in love with her, and he manages to do so at the end and it’s cute as hell. My fave part is “I'm sorry that I'm kinda queer / It's not as weird as it appears / It's 'cause my body doesn't stop me (Stop me) / Oh, it's okay, lots of people think I'm gay / But we're friends, so it's cool, why would it not be?”. Relatable as f█ck.

And now for an international hit that should have been bigger in the US and/or in my country but wasn’t: Head & Heart by Joel Corry and MNEK.

I’ve heard Nos Célébrations by Indochine extremely often on French radio for months now so I was very surprised to see that it didn’t crack the local year-end list. What happened.

I can finally hear the appeal of Bring Me The Horizon. It took me ages. And also Death Stranding. The song Ludens isn’t in the game per say, but it’s among the ones you can pick to broadcast briefly when people drive by your constructions, and long story short it's been living rent-free in my head for months now.

Phew.

It’s time for a round of Honorable Mentions for elligible songs, containing a couple of guilty pleasures, which is saying something considering the kind of shit I put on some of my previous lists.

Ne Reviens Pas (Gradur et Heuss l’Enfoiré) - Heuss is a French artist that kept baffling me while making my lists for the previous years, and I was like “??? ok, that’s it then, I guess I’m getting too old to get what teenagers find funny”. This one worked for me, though. And the music video doesn’t hurt. Really dumb and really fun.

Adore You (Harry Styles) - Perfectly good little pop song, very pleasant to listen to, never outstayed its welcome for me.

Mood (24kGoldn) - This doesn’t sound like a very good relationship, my dude, but that’s still a super pleasant song.

WAP (Cardi B & Megan Thee Stallion) - This song is absolutely hilarious and I will hear no argument from any of you.

Control (Zoe Wees) - Was clearly a hit here. Should have been even bigger though. What a powerful but comfy voice. If I had better taste it would be on the list.

Hot Girl Bummer (Blackbear) - I. Uh. Listen. I keep saying I have bad taste and nobody believes me. Do you believe me now. But yeah. “F█ck you, and you, and you~, I hate your friends and they hate me too” is gonna pop in my head every single time someone is being a jerk anywhere near me now. It’s been happening all year already. Someone trashed my documents at work? Someone isn’t wearing a mask in public? That guy has filled his car with rolls of toilet paper? Brain goes “F█ck you, and you, and you~”. Every. Single. Time.

Come & Go (Juice WRLD & Marshmello ) - Damn, that’s a pretty good little song. I’ve seen plenty of people saying it’s ruined by the drop, but may I remind you I’m the person who loves Blue by Eiffel 65 with all my heart. If the song was ramping up consistently until the end instead of ending like that, it would have made the list, definitely.

And now, the actual list. This one actually feels pretty solid, I genuinely like everything on it, there’s no filler here for once.

10 - The Box (Roddy Rich)

US: #3 / FR: #23

Now this is a weird case, because for the longest time I couldn’t figure out why this song was so popular and I was completely neutral about it. Then, one morning in September, my mental jukebox (which always, always puts a song on a loop in my head when I wake up) decided to play it. And I was like oh wow?? I never noticed the atmosphere in that song before? It’s so great. And that hook too. Let’s listen to it.

So yeah, I don’t know what happened. It just clicked one day and everything fell into place, I guess.

9 - Alane (Wes & Robin Shulz)

US: Not on the list / FR: #93

Come on. You can’t do a remake of one of my previous #1 songs and let it chart in 2020. That’s cheating. Even with this subpar drop, I have to put it on the list, now.

I’ve already said my piece about the original, so I’m just going to send you back to my 1997 list.

8 - Kings and Queens (Ava Max)

US: Not on the list / FR: #76

[BBC documentary voice] After Lady Gaga decided to make piano balads and left her musical niche vacant, Ava Max quickly took her place as the top predator pop diva. Even after Lady Gaga was re-introduced to her natural habitat in 2020, she still hasn’t fully recovered in Europe, where Ava Max still reigns supreme on the charts -

(tldr I think it’s hilarious that this isn’t on the US Billboard while Lady Gaga isn’t on the French year-end top 100)

7 - Roses (Saint Jhn & Imanbek)

US: #19 / FR: #3

What an earworm. It doesn’t even bother trying to have an intro or an outro, so it loops almost perfectly. It’s like entering a party that started long before you arrived, and it will go on long after you leave it to go back home. Kind of hypnotic in a way.

And yes, my mental jukebox was very fond of using it to wake me up this year, so this is another song that’s here almost solely because of that.

6 - Physical (Dua Lipa)

US: Not on the list / FR: #69 (hehehe)

“Hey I’m not that old” says the guy who’s definitely a sucker for this kind of retro throwback that was so popular this year. Oh well.

I don’t have anything interesting to say about this one, though. Apart from the fact that everyone seems to have a different fave song on that album. Guess that’s quality for you.

5 - Rain on Me (Lady Gaga & Ariana Grande)

US: #48 / FR: Not on the list

That is far from being Lady Gaga’s best song, but it was a joy to listen to everytime it was on the radio anyway. Also Ariana Grande has surprisingly good chemistry with Gaga! This year was full of strange duets mostly made for commercial reasons, and this one isn’t an exception, but unlike a lot of them, it really, really works.

4 - Dynamite (BTS)

US: #38 / FR: Not on the list

I’m still not 100% sold on k-pop even if a ton of it sounds super good, but come on. Even if some bits of this song (especially the beginning of the second chorus) sound a bit like they were made on autopilot, it still sounds just as happy and fun several months after I first heard it and I never got tired of it. That’s quality. You hear it and you can’t help but tap your feet and smile.

Actually, I’m sure there’s people somewhere that don’t smile when they hear this song. And they must be avoided at all costs.

3 - Godzilla (Eminem ft Juice WRLD)

US: #62 / FR: Not on the list

What are you doing so high on this list, old man. Why are you still here in the year 2020. I thought we left you in the previous decade. Who gave you the right.

I’m gonna tell you who did, and it’s actually Juice WRLD. Because that chorus is incredible, and like a lot of people I’m pissed off because the guy died super young and this shit shouldn’t happen to anybody. No, his early material wasn’t great, but I’m sorry I’m gonna say it again: have you heard this damn chorus? It’s suspenseful and dark, it’s got this lowkey menacing quality, it’s an earworm and a half, and it’s more convincing in like six lines than Eminem’s own flexing is in the entire song.

The beat is extremely good as well, and the flow, obviously, impressive. The weakest link is Eminem’s writing, which is as usual full of puns and weird wordplay, except here a lot of it isn’t great, and that last ultra fast part at the end is technically impressive but it also drives the song up a cliff and stops it dead in its tracks once it’s over. But frankly the lines fly by so fast it’s difficult to be too annoyed by them.

Can I sincerely put this extremely flawed song so high on my list? A better question would be “did I spend hours trying to learn how to sing this shit without choking on my own spit?”. The answer is yes. To both.

2 - Heartless (The Weeknd)

US: #28 / FR: Not on the list

I’ve said it on my 2015 and 2016 lists already, but just for the record I’ll say it again: it took me ages to like The Weeknd, mostly because I found most of his songs fairly boring, or disliked the lyrics, or both. Also I never really liked the general vibe of his “sexy” songs like The Hills, they felt dark but in an unpleasant creepy way. Felt like miserable hedonism, if that makes sense.

So, because I’m a person with extremely consistent and logical tastes, here’s the exact same shit he was making before, except that this time I absolutely adore it.

What is he doing differently that makes the whole After Hours album click for me whereas almost all of his previous material failed to do so? Is it the energy? Is it the reverb? Is it the fact that the narrator sounds properly unhinged and, frankly, scared to be spiralling out of control? Why are the colors so beautiful yet full of anxiety? Why is that bridge so fantastic? How can you make your voice look like a glowstick in the dark?

I give up. I have no clue. At least I’m done talking about-

Oh.

1 - Blinding Lights (The Weeknd)

US: #1 / FR: #1 (listen sometimes something’s just that good, ok)

Surprise. Or not.

Wow, look at that, Johannes has put this year’s number one pop song at number one on their personal playlist. The audacity. The edge. What a hot take.

I discovered that song when it first came out at the end of 2019 and I adored it instantly. And I was so scared it wouldn’t be a hit. Which means I’m a f█cking dumbass considering it ended up breaking all sorts of records in 2020. But what can I say, overplay can be a blessing when you love a song that much.

Like every single song I put at number one on one of my lists, I will draw this one at some point and you will understand how incredibly satisfying it is to listen to a song called Blinding Lights, talking about city lights looking blurry when you’re driving at night, while looking itself like a bunch of blurry city lights passing by super fast. Perfect in every way.

Also it sounds exactly like A-ha, and that never hurts.

See you next year! Pretty sure it will be even better music-wise.

[chicago-reeed]

Detroit Evolution

So

These are some notes that I took while I watched DE for the first time. It’s a lot. Like, six pages, a lot. I decided I should probably spare everyone’s dashboards and put it under a cut.

Warning: overuse of the fuck word because I am a dramatic little shit who gets overwhelmed easily

- Alright here we go. I don’t know if I’m mentally prepared to go through this hhhhh

- THE CINEMATOGRAPHY I NUT

- fuck he smellin the flowers good

- “hey tin can :P” “good morning gavin :P”

- I’m actually fucking crying IVE HAD TO PAUSE SO MANY TIMES JUST TO BREATHE AND IM ONLY AT 1:25

- FUCK ITS 1:27 AND HES FIXING HIS COLLAR HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO WATCH THIS WHEN MY VISION IS BLURRY WITH TEARS

- “I don’t need to breathe” BAZINGA

- *slaps my face repeatedly* keep it together bitch

- “I like the way you look<3” aaaaaaaaannd here I go again

- HAHAHA HE WAS DAYDREAMING SAME NINES SAME

- oh god oh god witty banter WITTY BANTER I CANT FUNCTION

- C H R I S  IM SCREAMING

- detective motha fuckin chris I don’t need to see any more I got what I came for

- Honestly all they need to do to calm down the protestors is get nines out there so he can say “please stop you’re being very mean >:/“ and they would probably just go home ngl

- “I’ve never been intimidated by people who hate androids” OH MY GOD NINES WITH THE BAZINGA’S TODAY WHAT A LEGEND

- can I just say the white jacket is such a power move I can’t believe nines invented fashion

- Gavin bein soft and reaching back for Nines in the crowd🥺homygod

- Gavin “no one calls him plastic but ME” Reed

- The only time I will support police brutality™️

- Gavin is so OP we stan

- Nines “you raise a fist, then I get PISSED😡” RK900

- “y’all have a nice day” Protect Detective Chris Miller at all costs

- Nines sees Gavin’s scars as charming PUT ME TO DEATH

- ADA OH LORD SHES STUNNING IM SOBBING

- Okay I need to pause and breathe again the cinematography got me chokin

- Uh ooohhh someone is jeeaaalouus😛

- Nines really said “no worry fam I’ll airdrop the case files to u”

- Ada: *exists*

- me: I hope this doesn’t awaken anything in me

- HA GAV DEFINITELY JEALOUS RIP

- And nines back at it again with the sass I AM LIVING

- Chris and Gavin’s reactions to Nines imitating Ada is the best thing I’ve seen all year

- “I can do your voice too” HIS FACE IMDBDHDJKDJD CRYIGGGSBSN

- oh ;-; shit Michael really finna make me cri

- God damn the intro credits are so beautiful

- TINAAAAAAA BABYYYYY

- Real coffee hours with the sharktreuse mug🦈

- “our boy” SHIT IM CRYING AGAIN

- Tina knows Gavin was absolutely feral before Nines appeared at the DPD

- Half An Asshole squad please stand up we ride at dawn

- Gavin with the knockoff timbs WE STAN😎

- maybe “thank god, I hate you, you love me, move your feet, oop” will be our always

- I’m living for the whole “criminal minds” vibe goin on here

- Bruh Gavin got the hook-ups fr fr

- ❤️WITTY BANTER WITTY BANTER WITTY BANTER W❤️

- The level of reed900 is staggering

- I’ve had to pause and breathe so many times it’s pathetic I’m not even 15 mins in

- GAVIN SAID mwah<3🖕IM FUCKING DIED

- 850% godt damn Nines got that IOS 50 update

- NINES PUT CHRIS’ PROMOTION PARTY IN THE CALENDAR WHAT A GOOD DAD

- maybe “our calendar” will be our always

- Chris “wingman of the year” Miller

- Who’s that Pokémon??? It’s JEALOUS GAV

- The way Nines said “I don’t feel anything for her.” I see you bud

- insecure Gavin needing reassurance™️

- Im fucking dying I fucking died bro BRO WE ALL KNOW WHO YOURE TALKING ABOUT, NINES, WE ALL KNOW

- Asexual Nines FTW👊😤👏👏👏❤️He gives zero fucks of ANY kind

- AN ANGEL HAS APPEARED WITH A GLOWY BLUE SCARF

- BREAKING NEWS: affection-starved Gavin™️ is literally begging for love

- GAVIN REED STOP BEING MEAN TO GAVIN REED OR ELSE

- “But there’s much more to admire about you than to detest, I think.”<333

- JJ not being suspicious at all nope no way Jose

- Lazzo has said two words and I love him already

- I don’t think I’ve seen this episode of COPS before🤔🤔🤔

- We all know Nines secretly wants to wear those fun glasses

- “Officer I swear I’ve never seen that arm in my life, it’s my friend’s he just asked me to hold it for him, Android arm what android arm heh”

- “Like robot arms, not gun arms.” You’re doing great sweetie🥰

- HAND TOUCH HAND TOUCH HAND TOUCH H

- Chris “the interrogator” Miller😎

- THE CINEMATOGRAPHY

- soft n sleepy gav™️ is soft n sleepy

- FUCKING SLEEVELESS SWEATSHIRT IVE BEEN TALKING ABOUT GAV IN A SLEEVELESS SWEATSHIRT FOR SO LONG AND NOW IT’S REAL IM

- You can wear my😋😘sweeaatshiiiirt😝😁🤗 (I’m sorry I had to)

- inconspicuous loving glances™️

- #GiveAndroidsFuckinHealthcare2K20

- AAAHHHHHHHH I CANTT BREAF

- HEAD>ON>SHOULDER

- INCONSPICUOUS LOVING GLANCES™️

- Gavin has not slept in 80 years

- He really said “I’m fine” BITCH

- Bed time for brats™️ no later than 8:30pm

- hell yeah sleepover time

- “stop lookin at my insides n shit” I want that on a t shirt

- ANDROID DREAMS

- Nines is so soft I might die

- But he’s somehow equally suave as fuck how is this fair

- Oh my god dream!gavin is like Nines’ conscious this is so presh

- “What do you think Gavin was gonna say?” nsndJSKDOFIWKDBDNDNSJDBBDJDJDJDNDJXJNDIFUIFIEKWN HES STILL THINKING ABOUT THEIR CONVO

- dream!gavin you sly dog

- “To have this. Out there.” DONT FUCK WITH MY HEART LIKE THAT THIS INNER-MONOLOGUE FLUFF IS SO SWEET

- Nines being insecure™️

- Listen to dream!gavin, Nines, he has big brain

- The fact that Nines subconsciously KNOWS that irl!Gav “just wants someone that doesn’t hate him” but he’s STILL like alas, I can never be what gavin needs :’(

- nu babie don’t be sad🥺

- oh my god they’re both train wrecks protect them at all cost

- c r i p e s❤️the reed900 hurt/comfort we all needed

- FUCK

- Concerned boyfriends™️

- Maybe “I’m fine” will be our always

- GAV🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺💔💔💔💔💔💔

- Insecure boyfriends™️

- Nines “I’m not going to get any closer to Gavin because I can’t help him but also I want to cuddle with him because he had a nightmare” RK900

- did someone say  c a t

- dumb babie gav jus spoon the dumb android so you both feel better

- Me: *rubs evil hands together* aha here comes the angst

- cue tragic backstory

- oh

- tragic backstory indeed

- YES DAD!FOWLER WE LOVE

- Gavin is so desperate for anyone to care about him I’m crying tears

- SHIT IT’S CUDDLE TIME™️ NOW IM REALLY FUCKING CRYING

- Alexa this is so god damn sad play despacito

- YES

- HAND>HOLDING

- HEAD>ON>SHOULDER

- NINES’ SKIN RETRACTING WHERE THEIR HANDS ARE TOUCHING THIS IS LIKE EVERY REED900 STAN’S DREAM COME TRUE

- Oh shit it’s about to get domestic I don’t think I’m mentally prepared

- YOU CAN WEAR MY😝💪SWEEAATSHIIIIIIRT🤪🔥🔥🔥 (I’m never letting the sleeveless sweatshirt thing go)

- Uh oh NO FUCK I’ve read enough fan fiction to know that this is where Gavin’s fucking trust issues kick in and he decides pushing nines away is safer than getting closer to him SHIT

- AND NINES GETS CONFUSED AND HURT

- AND THEN GAVIN GETS HURT

- I feel angst in this Chili’s tonight

- “I need you to leave” aaaaaaahhhhhhhh here come a whole different kind of tears

- frick dude that ouches

- Insert sad babie noises

- Oml the tension☠️poor Chris and Ada are like😑😑

- Chris could solve this case all by himself change my mind

- Gavin and Nines = (ò///-///ó)

- Chris = :D~oblivious~

- HELL YEAH PARTY TIME

- BEST WIVES TINA AND VALERIE AHHHH

- reed900 who??? I don’t know her. I only know ❤️valerina❤️

- I can’t believe Gavin and Nines invented angst

- I went and got blue gatorade just so I could pretend I was drinking thirium like Nines

- #DetectiveChen2K20

- real sad gavin hours

- Ruh roh Gavin bouta die from the ‘rona virus because rat man smokes hella

- CINEMATOGRAPHY CHEEEEECK HOLY SHIT

- my entire aesthetic in a single shot jfc

- Aaaaahhhh Nines trying to be a supportive bf just makes me ;-; [takes damage]

- HES ACCEPTED GAVIN AS MORE THAN A PARTNER🥺that, my friends, is what we call character development

- We stan the otp aggressively talking about their feelings

- “I’m not going anywhere.” FUCK™️

- SMOKE>FACE

- Aaaaand they’re back at square one. It’s cool it’s fine it’s all good we can work with this.

- Gavin: I don’t need you ò-ó

- Gavin: *immediately after Nines leaves* fuck ó-ò

- “It’s fine”™️

- I love Ada so much hhhhhh she said 🤨

- “Basic Instinct” TINA WITH THE HEAT OMG

- *nervous laugh* haha Ada sis maybe chill a little bit ha ha

- oh no I have a not good feeling

- ADA CHILL ADA CHILL

- WHY IS HE FOLLOWING HER INTO AN ALLEY AFTER THAT SKETCHY TALK

- AAA FUCK FUCK FUCJDJEMNSNDJDNXU FUCK I FUCKING KNEW IT FUCK SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT FUCK

- 😖x1000000

- Oh my god this is so fucking sad Alexa play The Sound of Silence

- Nines got fucked up and Gavin is CONCERNED

- aayyyyy bro Nines full on nakey

- Tina and Gavin sad bro huggin👊😔

- ADA HOW DARE YOU. HOW VERY DARE YOU.

- Uh oh Nines is fckn PISSED

- he MAD mad

- Tina speakin straight facts I love her

- WOOP GAVIN FINALLY ADMITTING HE NEEDS NINES

- f u c k  right in the heart

- I don’t want to attempt writing any notes at this moment because my thoughts are completely incoherent I am a MESS

- “I need you to come back, Nines.” DONT PLAY W ME LIKE THAT

- HAND HOLDING FTW

- Did Gavin really almost bring Nines back through the power of love I am SHAKING

- Dream!Gavin speaking truth as ALWAYS

- These damn flashbacks making me feel some type of way

- OH SHIT HE AWAKE

- that actually low key jump scared me

- God damn these sets are so fucking pro, I’m so happy

- REUNION

- Tina really say “Chris ;) ;) lets go get some ;) coffee ;) ;) ;) ;)”

- CHRIS’ REALIZATION FACE FUCKING LAID ME OUT I HAD TO PAUSE I WAS LAUGJINB SO HARD

- You Undead Asshole™️

- Gavin: ( ⚆ _ ⚆ ) fuck he actually heard me talk about my feelings n shit

- Nines: You literally told me you fucking needed me like five minutes ago

- Gavin: huh weird that doesn’t sound like me I actually hate you

- ooOOHHH  S H I T

- REALLY IS THIS REALLY HAPPENIGN

- woah shit sorry I blacked out for a second what happened

- MY POOR LITTLE FUCKING REED900 HEART IS EXPLODING AND IMPLODING AT THE SAME FUCKING TIME

- CAAAAAAAAN YOU FEEL THE LOVE TONIIIGGHTT

- holy shit I actually gave myself a bloody fucking nose because I smacked my face too hard in excitement

- ❤️💘🧡💞💕💘💓💚💛💘💞💓💛💛💞💘❤️💚💘💜💕💖❤️❤️💕💓💗💘💖💚💝❤️

- FUCK

- “What dipshit programmed you to do that?” 🥺🥺🥺❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️FUCK

- My aunt came in and told me she heard me shouting then asked why I was crying

- HAHA FUCKING CHRIS IS MEEEE

- shit I need to like..,,,,physically recover from that

- whew okay break time is over let’s fucking go

- Nines in the cheeky turtleneck I SEE U

- #DETECTIVECHEN2K20

- Gavin: I’m ready to take this hoe DOWN

- Initiate protocol: SAVE ADA FROM HERSELF

- I could listen to Tina talk to dispatch for hours🥰❤️❤️❤️

- WHITE TRENCH COAT WHITE TRENCH COAT WHITE TRENCH COAT WHITE T

- Gavin being hella concerned boyfriend™️

- FIGHT SCENE™️

- omfg that crowbar really went *CLANG* when it hit Ada’s steel fkn abs what a legend💪😎

- Hell yeah epic Nines gif moment

- no Ada don’t choke Gavin it only makes him stronger

- CHRIS THE MOTHER FUCKIN GOAT😎👏👏👏he really said “fuck ur monologue I’m here to get shit done”

- ADA QUEEN YOURE OKAY SWEETIE

- That character development godt damn

- I might be reaching but Gavin is now wearing a white/off-white shirt/gray that kINDA RESEMBLES DREAM!GAVIN’S SHIRT. Coincidence? I THINK NOT. THATS SYMBOLISM IF I EVER DID SEE IT.

- “buyer’s remorse, huh?”

- “I can’t be everything you need.”

- That awkward moment when you realize the person you were hiding your feelings from has also been hiding their feelings from you.

- “a year of that fuckin’...Ken Doll face smirkin’ at me every day” BE CUTER GAVIN, I DARE YOU.

- naked hand = love

- CHEEKY BASTARDS

- FUCK FUCK FUCK ME

- THAT WAS SO DAMN BEAUTIFUL

- So my review of this film could be summed up by saying that I basically cried for an hour and fifteen minutes.

- Holy damn

[fatandnerdy30]

The Itsy Bitsy Spider 11

Adrian slammed into his work space with an angry scream. He kicked a few tables, including one Phineas was working at. The blonde man stared at him. "So how was your day?"

"Not good," he growled. "SO we got a new gig...we're working with Hydra." The tinkerer's face went white. "Wait, wait, what!? You said to never get involved with them, and now you're telling me we're involved with them?" Adrian nodded. "Yes. But not by choice. They have Liz and Doris." Phineas was stunned to say the least. "Justin Hammer has them, and he's working for Hydra, so that means now so are we." Toomes growled again, punching the wall. "Hey, hey, what's all the racket out here? I'm trying to take a nap," Herman yelled as he stormed out of the back. Adrian turned with a smile, and Shultz knew he was in trouble."I'm sorry, Herman. I didn't mean to interrupt your bedtime with my damn life!!" Adrian yelled, picking up a piece of scrap and throwing it at Herman, who dodged it. "Whoa! Man, calm down!" "Calm down!? I'll be calm when I've got my goddamned family back!!" The man put his hands up placatingly, and backed away. "Okay, okay. So, what's the job?" Adrian sat down heavily, slamming his elbow on the table, his head falling into his palm. "We have to take something back," he mumbled, massaging his temple. "That's easy," Phineas smiled. "Who do we have to steal from?" "That's the hard part...the Avengers." Phineas made a face. "Oooh yeah. I can see how that would be tough. Um," he began sifting through his pile of stuff when they heard a noise. All three men tensed and turned, only to see Hammer walking through the room. "Gentlemen, ugh," Justin snarked while looking around. "I have to invest in a better hideout for you, seriously. What is this, a junkyard? Yeesh." The man tugged on his suit jacket and brushed off his sleeves, flicking off imaginary dirt. "Hammer, what are you doing here?" Adrian growled, getting up. "Oh, you know, I wanted to come 'hang with my homies', get to know you guys, yadda yadda yadda. Justin Hammer, by the way," he introduced himself to the two men looking at him like he had three heads. "Yeah, I know who you are," Herman said. "Oh, good to know my reputation hasn't diminished since I was in jail. I just got finished making a deal with Oscorp for an assembly factory to make my androids. This place it perfect! It's got balls to the walls adva-" he got cut off by his phone. "One moment, gentleman," he reached into his pocket. "Hello?" The trio looked at one another, then snapped their attention to Hammer, who had started yelling at the phone. "What do you mean I can't get what I ordered?!" Justin screamed as he waved his hands, taking a deep breath a second later. "Alright, alright. Let me see what I can dig up while I'm here. No, I am not going to tell you where I am, because I'm sure you know and am tracking this phone as we speak." He ended the call with a frustrated sigh. "Lemme borrow that," he asked the blonde man and immediately walked past him to the computer, pulling out a USB and plugged it in, then started typing commands. "And....there we go!" He stood and smiled. "And what was that, exactly?" Adrian asked, leaning against the table. "Well, I got a call from Mr. Ward, an agent of Hydra's, who said that my shipment of droids wouldn't be arriving. I fixed that, so they should be at my lab within three hours." The man shrugged. "So, here's the plan gentlemen." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Bruce had joined the four person group with the rest of the team and Tony had to roll his eyes. "Oh I see, everyone hears I'm springing for lunch, and then you all come running. Where are the others?" "Yup," Clint said, winking at Morgan and Peter who were giggling. "Wanda and Bucky decided to go do some googly-eyes at each other and Sam is out there somewhere, probably trying to train to get faster than Cap." "Hello Peter," Bruce said to the boy, who shyly waved. "How are you feeling?" "I-I'm okay," he said. "Just have to get used to the enhanced senses." "Oh yeah, about that. Bruce, I'd like to run a few tests with him before he leaves, you know, before and after," Roger's said, smiling at the boy in Tony's pocket. "Only if I'm there to make sure no one gets hurt," Tony said, noticing Happy jogging towards them looking frazzled and red in the face. "What happened to waiting for me?" he gasped angrily. "But that wouldn't keep you on your toes. Come on, lets go." he started walking towards a limo since there were a lot more of them now."Happy, take us to the nearest place with a salad bar," Mr. Stark called as soon as everyone was in the car. His guard looked at him in the rear view mirror with a deadpan face."Do I look like MapQuest to you?" he asked grumpily, buckling his seat belt. "Who even uses that anymore?" the billionaire asked, raising a brow. "Do you want me to drive? I can get us to something rather than complaining." "No! I will drive, thank you very much." Happy sighed and typed something into his phone, then started driving. Peter climbed out from the man's pocket and jumped over the window, pressing his whole body against it and watched the huge world go by. "Hey, lollipop guild, get down before you fall," Mr. Stark said. "I would swear they used jumping spider DNA with the way you get around." "I won't fall. And maybe they did," the boy said, looking back. The man grunted as Morgan climbed over his lap to join Peter, her head above the boy. "Look what you started, kid. I swear, you're an instigator," he smiled at the two kids smiling at him then turned back. Morgan started playing a game of banana, the two poking each other whenever they saw a yellow car, Peter almost falling a few times with the force of Morgan's pokes.. When they grew bored of the game after a half hour, Peter lounged on the window, basking in the sunlight, while Morgan was busy asking Thor questions about Norway. Tony smiled and leaned back, taking Pepper's hand. Peter opened his eyes when his senses told him someone was coming. Doctor Banner had moved to sit nearer to him, smiling and showing his hands. "I promise I have no needles," he joked, making Peter smile. "Hello, Doctor Banner," the boy said, letting his feet hang from where he sat in front of the window. "Hello, Peter." he looked nervous, which was funny to the teen, because he was the much bigger person here. "Listen...I know you don't trust me, which I understand. But, I...well, I hate being a source of fear for you, for anybody, really. I've had too much of that in the past." He sighed and took off his glasses. "What I'm saying is-" "Doctor Banner," Peter interrupted the man, blushing. "I...I am scared of anyone who wears a lab coat. I know you're a good person, but you're still a scientist at heart. I know you get excited about what I'm capable of, and that's what makes me nervous." He looked down at his fingers, twisting them together. "And I know that you are a scientist as well," Bruce said. "I know that you're wondering what you're capable of, too. And I'm willing to help you find out. No needles, no IV's, I promise. Maybe you can even help figure out how to help fix you." The teen looked up at the man. "About that...I was wondering....maybe you can help me with something I've been trying to figure out? I mean, I have the formula in my head, but, I can't reach everything I would need. It would help me get around by myself a little better when no one's around." He couldn't believe he was asking a scientist for help. But, Doctor Banner hadn't hurt him yet, not even when drawing blood. He'd been kind and gentle, and that put Peter at ease a little. If there was someone he could trust, it seemed like it was the man in front of him. "Oh, yeah sure!" Bruce smiled, his eyes lighting up. "If you could write it down, I can help you, no problem." There was a jerk in the motion of the car and everyone looked around. Peter turned and looked out the window, his face going pale, his head buzzing like crazy. "Get away from the window!" He cried just as the glass shattered. Doctor Banner was the closest to him to grab the boy, pulling him away from the window. Morgan had been thrust to the floor, Pepper over her, a blue armor forming on the woman's body as she protected her child. "Bruce," Tony warned the doctor, who nodded. "I'll try!" he shouted as a car next to the limo crashed, the entire vehicle shaking from the impact. "What the hell is that!?" Clint had his head out of the sunroof, a bow in forming in his hands from his ring. He stared up at what looked like a man in a wing suit, with green eyes glowing from his helmet. Another missile was loading and pointed directly at the limo. Clint looked back. "He's got missiles!" he warned, seeing Tony jump into action, the suit crawling over his body, sunglasses dissolving into it as well. "Get Peter and Morgan out of here!" the man's robotic voice said, then he jumped through the sunroof. Bruce stared at the little teen in his hands and Morgan who was gripping onto her mother, sobbing for her not to go. He couldn't leave her here, but he couldn't leave the rest of them to deal with this mess either. "Bruce!" Pepper shouted. "Go!" she thrust the little girl at him, Peter had already crawled up to the man's shoulder so he could take the girl. "We're already calling in reinforcements!" "Stark! All I want is what you stole!" the man floating above the car said, his voice projecting through his helmet. "What is this guy talking about? Clint asked from on top of the car, shooting his arrows one after another. There was another explosion just as the doctor opened the car door, and Bruce felt the heat of the flames hit his body, and there was nothing he could do. The pain hit him hard, so hard, it turned his skin green. He tried to force the Hulk back, but it was too late. He could feel the rage monster coming out, feel his muscles ripping and tearing before he fell into blissful nothingness. With Morgan in the monster's arms, the Hulk suddenly exploded from the limo, roaring his anger at the man floating in the sky. Morgan sobbed as she was swung from the green monster's arm, holding on to the green giant's muscles for safety. She looked back to see her mother staring in horror as her daughter was subject to the Hulk. She felt eyes on her and looked up to see the green thing staring down at her, its eyes soft and gentle, like Doctor Banner's. "Hulk keep safe," he whispered gruffly, his vision moving to Peter who stood on the green man's shoulder, staring at him. The boy's face filled with fear when Hulk started moving his hand toward the boy. "Hulk keep both safe." Peter could only gasp as the monstrous hand engulfed him in darkness. "Hey!" he pounded on one of the fingers, which twitched, but that was it. "Let me out! Please!" Hulk on the other hand was paying the small boy no mind, focused on dodging the bullets that sprayed at him from the robot that had appeared on the scene out of nowhere. They felt like horsefly bites, stinging and annoying him, but it seemed like they were only trying to get him, and everyone else was just a deterrent. Hulk turned his head, baring his teeth with a growl. "No more!" he roared, feeling the girl in his arm jump. That got him angrier. He roared at the robot, keeping the girl in front of him to keep her safe. He ran as fast as he could, until suddenly his legs were bound from behind, tripping the Hulk up, sending the kids flying. He could see Morgan, but Peter was too small. The teen cried out as the feeling of buoyancy, feeling his stomach raise up to his throat. It stopped when he was caught but, it wasn't human hands he was in. Metal fingers were all around him and at first he thought it was Mr. Bucky, but when they opened and a robotic face stared down at him, he screamed. The droid suddenly jerked and the hands let Peter drop. The boy screamed as hit the ground, rolling a bit, and saw Morgan just on the edge of the highway border, the chunk of concrete destroyed by a truck that had crashed into it. Peter was in pain, but he had to get to her before she fell into the oncoming traffic that was rushing to get away from the battle below! The boy got to his feet, grimacing as he took a few steps, his eyes on the little girl. Morgan was moving, sobs coming from her. The girl rolled a fraction of an inch, then suddenly there was no more ground. With a cry, she scrambled to grab purchase, feeling the asphalt scraping up her fingers until she could feel the wetness of the blood. She sobbed, feeling her legs flailing and looked down, letting out an ear piercing scream. She felt something and looked to see Peter standing before her, his hands grabbing her sleeve. "It's alright!" he cried. "I've got you!" the boy panted as he planted his feet, his grip on the girl's sleeve relentless, pain filling his face. "Just keep your eyes on me!" he cried. He groaned as he pushed against the border, feeling his shoulders pop he screamed, but he still kept pulling, and a second later Morgan moved an inch toward him. He felt his heart flutter and forced himself to keep going, keep pulling. Soon her torso was over the road and the girl used her arms to help pull herself up, letting Peter fall back, panting. The two were trembling for very different reasons, but they were safe. "It's okay," Peter reassured the girl who was staring at him with trusting eyes. She was safe, that was all that mattered.Then, their sense of peace was destroyed by a robot appearing behind them, its lifeless red eyes in its gray tin head focused on Peter. "Get down!!" Peter cried, and the girl turned, her eyes widening. "DADDY!!" Morgan screamed, covering Peter with her bloody hands. Suddenly, something flew from above and knocked the robot down. "Are you alright?" Sam asked, firing his gun at the robot, frowning when nothing happened. "I want my daddy!" the girl sobbed, rubbing her face with one hand. Peter put his hand on her thigh, rubbing it gently.. "It's okay. I'm here. Can you move?" he asked the girl, who nodded. "We have to get away from here, so your mommy and daddy can fight without worrying, okay?" He waited for the girl to nod. "Good girl. Now,-" he was cut off by a large piece of asphalt dropping from the sky, landing on top of him, the weight pinning half his body under it. He cried out from the pain, unable to move his legs, feeling the gravelly surface grinding his skin down every time he tried. He felt it shift and looked up to see Morgan trying to lift the rock from him. "Just run!" He screamed, watching another robot flying over head, focused on the little girl.  "GO!" Then, Thor was there, grabbing the girl, but  apparently he didn't see Peter and took off. "Peter!" Morgan cried, her bloody hand still reaching for him. "We have to go back for Peter! He's stuck!" "I can not do that, Morgan. We need to get you away from the battle first, then I will go back for the small one! Now hold on." The girl sobbed into her 'uncle's' shoulder for her friend. ~~ Tony shot the bot, their design looking familiar, while keeping an eye on the flying guy at the same time. "Friday, give me a scan on both targets." "On it boss," the AI replied.Tony ducked a car thrown at him, then heard a familiar roar followed by a thud. He glanced over his shoulder to see the Hulk down, but then snapping the bonds that entangled his legs a second later. "I'm on the scene," Sam's voice came over the communicator. "Oh shit, is that Peter?" The man's voice sounded shocked. "Anyone know if this kid has super strength?" "Just get my kids out of here!" Tony snapped, too upset to miss the slip up, because he couldn't get to them himself. He missed what Sam said, Friday's voice speaking up. "The man in the suit is Adrian Toomes, boss," Friday told him. "He's a small time thief." It seemed as though Toomes were searching the ground, even getting a little closer. "What's he doing here then? How about the droids?" Tony asked, shooting another robot down, chunks of asphalt went flying. Where the hell were they coming from? "I can't get an exact location!" "That's just great," he muttered. "Thor, we could really use your hammer here, buddy!" "I'm a little busy at the moment, Stark! I have your daughter, I'm taking her to safety," Thor told him and Tony felt his heart start beating again."Just Morgan? What about Peter?" "I could not find him and it was getting too dangerous," Thor replied. Tony turned when he heard Pepper's repuslors go off. "Pep, can you find Peter!?" The woman grunted as she blocked a robot's arm, then blasted it. "I can't shake this guy!" She yelled. "I don't want to put him in danger!" Natasha grunted as she shot at the flying man, watching every one of her bullets bounce off a blue shield. "Shit. My bullets can't pierce his armor!" "Let me try," Wanda flew in from nowhere, getting right in the man's face. "Hello." She lifted her hands. "Goodbye." Suddenly before she could make contact with her powers, an energy pulse was shot at her, making the woman cry out as electricity shot through her body. "Wanda!" Bucky screamed. He watched his girlfriend fall to the ground and screamed, lifting his guns. But, as much as he shot, they didn't make a dent in the man. "My turn," Tony said. He lifted his arm and his armor shifted to a plasma gun, the whine of the weapon powering up in the man's ears before it exploded from him. Just as it was about to hit, something lit up on Adrian's suit and spread around him, stopping the blast with a wave of blue. "Nice try, Stark!" Toomes spoke with amusement. "Your weapons can't touch me! I'm invincib-" Rhodey came flying at the man from behind, tackling him between his mechanical wings. "How about a man?" he asked, bringing the man down. They skidded to the ground, sparks flying from their suits until they stopped. Rhodey punched Toomes, the man's head snapping back, one wing sparking and crooked from the fall. "Big mistake," Toomes said. His hand sparked and before anyone could warn him, Rhodey was sent flying from the man and Toomes scrambled to his feet, and git into the air with a struggle. The colonel came crashing down on the roof of a car, shaking his head. "Okay, no one saw that?" he complained. "Quit complaining, he's getting away! And someone find Peter!"" Tony snapped, his repulsors already firing up, but stopped when he found himself staring at a man's face projected by the robots surrounding him. "Hello, Tony."

@sparrowrider @letsbeinspiredby @carttorchdeatth @6inchicon @ixlovexirondad

[a-kendricks]

walls/jake&anna/chatzy

Who: Jake Gyllenhaal and Anna Kendrick 

What: After Jake and Anna catch up, she calls him wasted and one thing leads to another. The two talk about what couldve of been between them. 

Where: Anna’s home in California 

When: July 14th, 2019 

Trigger Warnings: slight nsfw just in case? lol 

@jakegyllnhls

Anna: The previous conversation Anna had with Jake almost broke her. She knew this day was coming, but she never knew when. It wasn't right for her to keep that from him, but Anna was terrified of it becoming a reality and when it wasn't she was crushed but relieved. After all these years, Jake admitted that he was in love with her and Anna didn't know what to feel or how to react to that. A million thoughts were running through her mind right now and all she felt like doing was getting wasted, and that's exactly what she did. Grabbing three beers from her fridge, it didn't take much for the tiny actress to get bombed. Anna downed the first two, and as she was almost done with her third one, Anna picked up her phone and dialed the one number she shouldn't of. Hoping he didn't pick up, Anna heard someone say hello and the actress slurred her words "I.." Stopping herself, Anna took a sip of her beer and pushed her hair out of her face "I liked Nora. I mean, when the stick didn't turn positive I was relieved but I was kind of dissapointed. If I was pregnant and if it was a girl, I would've liked Nora." She said into the phone,  sounding plastered.

Jake: After the conversation with Anna, Jake didn't really know what to think. Everything they'd talked about was going through his head. He couldn't believe she'd kept the pregnancy scare from him. If he'd known, he'd have been there, he'd have helped her but now she was telling him after all these years felt like a massive blow. It wasn't like he had room to talk anyway. He'd hid that he was in love with her for so long. Everything about the conversation just hurt. He sighed, getting up from his couch and heading over to grab a bottle of beer to try and help calm himself but his attention was caught when his phone rang. "Hello..." he said curiously as he finally grabbed a beer, resting it on the counter. Then he heard the voice he didn't know if he wanted to hear at that moment. "Anna? ...what are you talking about?" His heart dropped as he heard her talk about the scare again, a sigh passing his lips. "You can't call me up and say this shit to me right now. You sound wasted."

Anna: She didn’t know how to feel. All of this was too much, and maybe getting wasted wasn’t the best idea but Anna needed to do something to numb the pain. She wanted him and missed him and needed him, especially now and Anna couldnt tell him that, now yet anyway. As he answered the phone and heard his voice, Anna took another sip of her beer and then walked to the fridge to grab another. Sighing, Anna continued with “I thought Nora sounded good with Gyllenhaal.” She was wasted, and Anna let out a frustrated groan when he had called her out on it “I’m not fucking wasted! I’m fine” Anna rolled her eyes

Jake: This was killing Jake. Everything about it. For so long they’d both kept things from each other and now it was out there and he wasn’t sure how to deal with it. Normally, he’d close himself off and act like it didn’t bother him but he couldn’t with this. This was far too serious for him to blow off. Hearing her say the name she’d have wanted for their kid felt like a stab to his heart. “Don’t, Anna. Please,” he spoke quietly as if that was going to hide how much this was hurting him right now. “Don’t say that to me. You can’t say that to me. It’s not fair.” He huffed, rolling his eyes while he played around with the label on his bottle of beer just as a minor distraction. “You are fucking wasted. What’re you calling me for anyway? You could’ve called any other single person you know but of course it had to be me.” Was he a little annoyed? Sure but he knew that she was upset just like he was so he couldn’t blame her. “How much have you drank?”

Anna: Anna didn’t know how to feel. If she was being honest with herself, she felt numb. But she also felt confused and pissed off and upset. All different kind of emotions and Anna didnt feel like dealing with it. This was too much and Anna just wasnt in the mood. “I’m just saying.” Anna said quietly, finishing her third beer and then took the cap off of the fourth one after putting her third on the kitchen table. “I’m not fucking wasted. Because I fucking miss you and you cant just fucking tell me you were in love with me and then not...” Stopping herself, Anna felt herself getting choked up and she drummed her fingers on the island and took a breath “I’m on my fourth beer.” Anna said “Can you just.. can you...” Shaking her head, Anna laughed “You seriously couldn’t have told me back then that you were in love with me?”

Jake: “Well, just don’t.” Jake said, frustration laced in his voice. Not because he was mad at her but because he just didn’t know how to handle this. It was a lot. More than he was was he supposed to deal with the fact that she’d been in love with him too and was almost pregnant with his kid. He couldn’t stop thinking about what could’ve been. “You are fucking wasted. Stop being stubborn.” His heart almost leapt out of his chest when she said she missed him. He missed her too even if he didn’t want to admit that out loud at that moment. “And you can’t fucking tell me you thought you were pregnant with my kid just like that either. You should’ve told me then but you didn’t and... whatever.” He was almost tempted to end the conversation right then and there but he couldn’t. Anyone else it would’ve been easy but not Anna. “Fuck, Anna. Why did you have to call me?” He sounded almost defeated. Ignoring her last comment, he decided he’d had enough of talking about this over the phone. “I’m coming over. Don’t argue it just unlock the damn door so I can come in and don’t drink anything else.”

Anna: Anna let him talk. There was nothing else for her to say, she had a million thoughts running through her mind but Anna couldnt think of them right now. There was no point in fighting with him because if she fought with him then she would’ve wanted to get more drunk. When he called her stubborn, Anna bit her lips and smiled softly to herself. “I know. Im sorry.” Anna whispered, keeping this too herself and getting wasted wasnt helping. “Because I wanted to hear your voice.” Anna said, taking another sip of her beer but then took a breath and pushed her hair out of her face “Jake..” Was all she could say before she ended the phone call. Still in her pajamas from this morning, Anna took another sip of her beer ignoring Jake.

Jake: As he was about to say something, the line went dead. Confused, he pulled his phone away from his ear to look at it. She’d hung up on him. It wasn’t really a surprise but that wasn’t stopping him from doing what he said. He REALLY was going to go over to her place. He had to. This wasn’t how this was going to end - there was no way. So, he grabbed his keys and headed out without question. Maybe going over wasn’t the best idea. They hadn’t seen each other in a while and with everything that was out there now it would probably end up with them arguing, doing something they shouldn’t or her just completely ignoring him. Whatever the consequence, he had to see her. His heart was pounding against his chest as he pulled up outside her place. Part of him was screaming at him to go back home but he fought it, stepping out of the car and to her front door. After a deep breath in and out to collect himself, he knocked on the door. “Anna. Open the door. Please.”

Anna: She didn’t know why she hung up on him but she did. All Anna wanted to do was cry and yell but that would be childish, but the women didnt care. He was coming over and Anna looked like he’ll, she felt embarrassed and sick to her stomach. Sitting on the couch with her knees pulled up to her chest, Anna held on tight and the brunette took another sip of her beer. Getting lost within her thoughts, Ann jumped a little when she heard the knock on the door. Hearing his voice, Anna took a breath and closed her eyes, feeling tears fall down her face. Clearing her throat, Anna got up and opened the door “I don’t know why you’re here Jake. I’m fine.” Anna said, rolling her eyes and folding her arms across her chest.

Jake joined the chat 3 hours ago

Jake: He really wished this was a situation he could run from and just forget ever happened but he couldn’t. It was Anna and with everything they’d talked about, walking away from it would be too hard for him. As hard as it would be they needed to talk face to face. Jake stood there, hands stuffed into his jeans pocket. After a few minutes, he heard the door open and came face to face with her for the first time in a while. He knew he’d missed her but seeing her made it hit him like a ton of bricks. He really, really wished it’d have been under different circumstances. “Oh yeah, totally fine. Fine people always call their ex up drunk as fuck,” he said, sarcastically. It was silent for a few minutes, Jake not daring to make eye contact with her. This was so out of his comfort zone but he has to try. He wanted to. “Can I come in or are you going to make me stay out here so we can be like a cliche romance movie.”

Anna: As soon as she saw him, Anna took a breath and looked him up and down. He had not changed one bit and Anna was still very attracted to him, but who wouldnt be? Chewing on her lips, Annas arms were still folded against her chest and the women just let him talk again. This was way too hard and the actress wished she didnt have to deal with this but she did at some point and today was that day. “You’re an asshole.” Anna said, shaking her head and then motioned for him to come in “Ive been traveling and working so the place is a mess.” Anna slurred, her eyes red and fired from crying

jake: Seeing her stood in front of him brought back all the memories from when they were together. And, now knowing that they’d both been in love with each other and were idiots who never told each other, it hurt so much more. He could tell she’d been crying and he really wanted to hug her and tell her it’d be okay but he didn’t know if he should. “Yeah, I know,” he shrugged, stepping inside her place and closing the door behind him. “I don’t care. I care about you and why you’re here getting so drunk that you call me up. I know you probably don’t want me here and you’d rather just get drunk and be miserable by yourself but I’m sorry. I can’t let you do that.”

Anna: All she saw was what could of been. What her son or daughter could’ve looked like if she was pregnant that whole week she was late. This was killing her and keeping this whole thing to herself and not talking about it, Anna felt like an idiot and wished she had talked to Aubrey about it more. She wished she had just told him, Anna swallows the lump in her throat and chewed the inside of her cheeks “I shouldn’t even have my phone. I was about to call Ben but I didnt.” Anna said, walking further into her home. There were boxes with Bens name on it and Anna took a breath “He’s picking up his stuff next week. Haven’t had a chance to send his things to him.” She laughed but and took another sip of her beer looking at him “Why? I’ll be 34 Jake, I can do whatever I want.” Anna said snippy, and shook her head while rolling her eyes “I just don’t get why you’re here since you probably hate me right now.”

jake: He was really trying his best not to think about the fact that if they’d have still been together and she really had been pregnant and told him that they’d probably be a big happy family right now. That was too much for him to handle. A family was something Jake wanted so badly but anytime he tried it just didn’t work out for him. It was something he’d pretty much given up on by now. He really wished he’d have told her how he’d felt back then. Maybe things would’ve been different. He couldn’t change it, though. All he could do was focus on now and at least try and deal with their situation right now. “No shit you shouldn’t have your phone.” He followed her, eyeing the boxes with a frown. It was never good to have your exes stuff laying around. “Don’t give me that attitude, Anna. It’s not just my fault that you’re feeling how you are right now. I feel the exact same way but I’m not drinking my feelings away.” He stopped for a second to look at her and shake his head. “Hate you? You’re insane. I don’t hate you. I’m… upset with you but I don’t hate you. I could never.”

Anna: She didnt even tell her mom, and right now all Anna needed and wanted was to talk to her mom. But her mom was someone who wanted grandchildren and marriage from and for her daughter but Anna was cut out for it. She loved Jake, she was so in love with him and if she would’ve told him back then then Annas whole life couldve been something different. It was bothering her so much, this whole thing was bothering her and maybe she shouldve still kept it to herself but Anna didnt realize how hard it was going to be to deal with this. “If Aubrey or Rebel we’re here then they would’ve taken my phone but they’re not.” Anna said taking a breath and pushing her hair out of her face, the actress finished her beer and placed it on her coffee table next to the other ones “I’m sorry that I’m fucking not as strong as you are Jake. I’m sorry that I fucking turn to alcohol when things get rough for me.” Throwing her hands up in the air in defense, Anna sat down on the couch and looked at him “Can we just.. can we talk about something else other than this? Other than us?” Anna said quickly, wanting so badly to change the subject “I’m.. I don’t know how to deal with this.” Anna said, she got up and walked closer to him “I don’t want to deal with this.”

Jake: Relationships never worked out for Jake. Whether it be him or the other person, he never seemed to be able to hold one down. It was like whenever he did start to get to the point of settling down, he self destructed just like he had with Anna. He’d sabotaged that by not telling her how he’d felt. If he had then they wouldn’t be here both hurt and having this conversation. Being with Anna had been one of the best relationships he’d ever had - it was one he thought about a lot. “Just because I look like I’m okay doesn’t mean I am,” he sighed, running a hand through his probably already messy hair and glanced at her. “This is fucking killing me. I’ve been sat miserable all night trying not to think about it because anytime I do my heart just hurts. You don’t think that I wanted to get drunk and try to forget about it because I did but then you called.” He couldn’t bring himself to look at her anymore, shaking his head. “I don’t know what to do.” He felt so broken. So helpless. There wasn’t anything he could do to sort this out for either of them. “Okay,” he nodded his head, fully aware that they were pretty much only inches apart. “Then let’s not deal with it."

Anna: She couldn't believe that this was happening. Going through a brake up is one thing, but now going through this? Anna was so tired, she was mentally tied and now she just wanted to be left alone. But Jake was here, standing in her home, like he's done many times before and the actress felt her eyes fill with water. She was not in the mood to cry, especially not in front of Jake. "Then yell at me. Call me names, do something! Me keeping this from you.., I.. what the hell was I fucking thinking? I didn't realize it would hurt /this/ much after finally telling you." Anna watched as he ran his hands through his hair, and there was a time when she played with his shaved head while being on and off of set. "I'm sorry I called. I'm sorry. No one else aside from Aubrey knows, but I didn't want to talk to her about it. My mom doesn't even know." Anna said, letting out a bitter laugh but she looked at him and swallowed hard "I'd offer you a beer, but you yelled at me before for drinking so.. help yourself if you want too or not." It's bothering her, it's bothering her that he can't even look at her an Anna moved in closer to him than she was before "I don't know what to do either, other than get wasted." Anna's words were still slurring, but they were starting to clear up a bit. She wanted to be close to him, she wanted him to hold her in his arms and feel his lips pressed against hers but Anna knew that now wasn't the time "But we have too. I.., I have too. I mean, I pushed it back for so many years but it's always been there. The thought of us.., of us having a baby.." Those words were hard to come out of Anna's mouth, but they did and Anna took her hands, lacing her fingers with his. Holding them up, Anna looked at him "I'm sorry that I fucked up, and I'm sorry that I hurt you." Anna whispered, and pressed her forehead against his but took a deep breath and pulled back, still holding his hands.

Jake: He didn’t want her to cry. That was the last thing he wanted especially if it was over him. She deserved to smile and be happy but that just wasn’t possible for either of them right now. They had to get past this first. It wasn’t gonna be easy but at least in some fucked up way they had each other. “No,” he said with a firm shake of his head. “I’m not going to yell at you or call you names or anything. As much as I’m hurt and upset with you right now, I could never bring myself to.” His voice was soft, an ever so present frown on his face now. “I.. I’m glad you told me, though. It sucks but I’m glad you didn’t keep it from me forever.” Jake couldn’t help let the tiniest of laughs when she said that he’d yelled at her for drink. “Yeah, I did but that’s only because I didn’t want you to do anything stupid. I mean, calling me was pretty stupid but I’m kind of glad you did,” he admitted. It was true. As much as he wished she hadn’t, it had given him an excuse to go over and see her and as hard as that was, being there in front of her and seeing her again was something he’d wanted for a while. Being so close to her again was almost intoxicating. He wasn’t sure if he could handle it before he caved and said something stupid. “I’m sorry that I hurt you, too.” His voice was barely a whisper and when she took his hands, Jake met her eyes for a small second before closing them the moment their foreheads touched. He let out a breath when she pulled back, opening his eyes again and before he could stop himself his next words tumbled out of his mouth and he said the stupid thing he was trying to avoid. “I really wanna kiss you right now.”

Anna: She probably looked horrible, and still being in her pajamas wasn't helping. He became more attractive and Anna was starting to realize how /much/ she missed the sex and right now, not getting laid for a while wasn't helping either. Having him here, having him in her rom and being close to her was helping though. It was helping in so many ways possible. "Jake please.., just call me a bitch or something because me not telling you was so fucked up." Anna whispered, and then looked at him "The minute we started talking again, it killed me that I was still keeping it a secret from you and I thought you had to know." She continued and then smiled softly as he laughed a little "I'm glad I called you too. I always do something stupid when I'm drunk." The brunette laughed, and then bit her lips "You should know that by now." Clearing her throat, Anna wanted to move in closer. She wanted to feel his body pressed against hers. She wanted him, she wanted him so badly. "You didn't hurt me." She whispered one more time, and then watched as she pulled away from him. His beautiful eyes on hers, Anna bit her lips and smiled a little. "I really wanna kiss you right now too." Anna leaned in, she pressed her lips softly against his and left them there for a few moments. Finally pulling back, Anna shook her head "I.." Not knowing what to say, she pushed her hair behind her ears and let go of Jake's hands, now folding her arms across her chest.

Jake: Even if she was drunk and still in her pyjamas, he still thought she was one of the most beautiful girls he’d ever seen. She’d just gotten more attractive through the years. Being here with her so close to him made him miss every single thing about her. “I’m never going to call you a name or be mean to you. I can’t.” The thought of even yelling at her about it hadn’t crossed his mind. Well, maybe for slight second but it had passed. “At least it was a sort of good stupid this time,” it was one of the first times that night a small smile played on his face. A genuine one. “I should’ve told you how I felt back then and not now. I’m sorry, Anna. I’m really sorry.” The second her lips were on his, he felt all the feelings he’d pushed away trying to rise right back up to the surface. Before he could really register it, she’s pulled away. He blinked, trying to figure out something to say in his head but he was coming up blank. Instead, he took a step closer to her again, bringing one of his hands to gently rest on her cheek before he leaned in and kissed her again. He didn’t care if she pushed him away and he knew that even the smallest of kisses was just going to make everything worse but he didn’t care. He’d missed it so much.

Anna: Anna was drunk, but she was sobering up and all Anna wanted to do was sleep, she was exhausted. However, Jake was here and she didnt want to rush him out. He came all this way to check on her, and she loved that. “I’ll have to thank your parents for that then.” Anna said, laughing a little even though she probably didn’t make any sense. “It was a good stupid. If I had called Ben then that would’ve been a bad stupid.” Anna said jokingly, but was being half serious. She didn’t even know where her phone was at the moment and that was a good thing too. Seeing his smile, Ann bit her lips and suddenly got turned on. When she has first met him for work, for their movie, his smile was one of the things that attracted her to him. “Baby it’s okay.” She whispered, then realized she called him the one nickname she missed calling him. Taking a breath, she got nervous for a second and pushed her hair out of her face. Watching him try to realize what had just happened, Anna let him come in closer to her and held his hand in hers as he rested it on her cheek. As he kisses her back, Anna knew she should probably step away but didn’t. If anything, she stepped closer to the couch and Anna laid down, pulling him on top of her “I miss you.” Anna whispered, and kissed him deeply

Jake: “Yeah. Please don’t call Ben... ever.” Was he a little jealous that she’d almost had with Ben what he’d wanted with her? Maybe but he wasn’t bitter about it. She’d moved on and he had, too. Of course they were going to try and start lives with other people. Seeing her bite her lip was driving him crazy whether she knew it or not. It was always one of his weakness. His heart leapt a bit when he heard her call him baby. He’d missed that. Other people he’d dated had called him it but it never sounded as good as it did when it came out of her mouth. Jake knew he should stop, he knew that kissing her was probably a bad idea but he just wanted to revel in the feeling of being so close to her again. Her lips on his, her hands on him - it felt like heaven. As she pulled him on the couch, he used one arm to hold himself up while the other rested on her hip, hitching up the top she was wearing a small bit. “I miss you too,” he mumbled against her lips, refusing to stop kissing her just yet. “So much.” It had turned from a gentle kiss into something much more desperate. Their bodies pressed against each other, lips moving together quickly as if they were trying to make up for missed time.

Anna: When Jake told her not to call Ben ever, sober or not, Anna sensed the jealousy in his voice and she smiled a bit. Sure she and Ben had just broken up a few months ago, and it was still hard but she couldn't even think about that right now. Anna felt so nervous for calling him baby, the word poured out of her mouth before she could even stop and Anna knew she probably fucked up again. With her hands holding his face, she smiled and laughed a little within the kiss and Anna pressed her forehead against his again, taking a breath. The touch of his hands on her hips, Anna got chills all up and down her body. She needed him and wanted him, Anna moaned a little and bit his lip softly for a few moments while kissing him "I want you.." She whispered "So badly.." Anna sat up for a second, not even stopping but took off her shirt and threw it onto the floor, she did the same with Jake's and Anna looked at him "Hi.." Was all she could say quietly, and kissed him deeply.

Jake: The last thing Jake had had in mind when he’d came over was to be making out with her on her couch but here they were. It was wrong and they both knew it but finding the self control to stop and actually register that in their brains was proving difficult. How could he think straight with her lips on his and his body pressed against hers? Everything up there was foggy and all he could think about was how he didn’t want this to stop. Hearing her moan was like music to his hears, fighting back one of his own. He could feel himself getting more and more turned on by the second. She’d always had that effect on him. “I want you too,” he spoke softly watching her as she pulled her shirt off then his too. A smile was on his face as he looked at her, taking in every single detail. She was still as beautiful as ever. It didn’t take long for the kiss to grow heated again, Jake’s hands exploring whatever parts of her body he could reach. “I want this so bad,” he murmured against her lips as he bucked his hips up against hers for even just the tiniest relief of friction.

Anna: When they were finished, Anna and Jake had moved from her couch into her bedroom. As they were laying there, she was cuddling with him, her naked body pressed up against his. She was always so small compared to him, and Anna loved that about their relaitonship. Her face was buried into his chest, and Anna looked up at him, running her fingers through his hair "You are right, by the way, that the sex is incredible." Anna laughed a little, and kissed him softly "I'm.., I missed this so much and I missed you and I'm just.. I'm really, really, really glad I called you tonight." Anna said quietly, looking into his beautiful ocean eyes. She took a breath, and swallowed hard "You know what scares me the most? Ben.., he begged me to marry him and he begged me to have kids with him but I wouldn't. If.., if you would've done that back then.., even though I was scared as hell then I would've in a heartbeat." Anna kissed him once more, and felt her eyes slowly closing but she opened them "I'm.., I only thought about names as soon as I called you too, by the way. It wasn't like I had that name in my head this whole time." Anna swallowed hard again, and then moved in closer to feel his touch "What did.., what did America say when you told her you were in love with me?" Anna questioned, she was genially curious.

Jake: As they laid their in their post sex haze, Jake had his arm around her, lightly brushing his fingers along her arm as he listened to her talk with a soft smile on his face. Really, he didn’t expect the night ending like this but he wasn’t complaining. He was just going to sit in their happy little bubble for a minute before it burst and they were brought back to reality. “Still amazing after all this time,” he grinned, pressing another quick kiss to her lips after she had. “I missed you too. I didn’t think I realized how much until I saw you,” he admitted. As much as he wanted to chip in with some comment about Ben, now wasn’t the time and he just let her talk. A sad smile formed on his face at what could’ve been. They really could’ve been happily married with kids by now if they hadn’t been so stupid. “I... uh, I wanted to marry Reese. Like, that was the first time I’d ever wanted that with anyone and she didn’t want that. Not with me anyway and that killed me. I never thought I’d find anyone that would make me want that again then we met and... I was just drawn to you straight away. You made me want to settle down. I... I would’ve married you.” He sighed, bringing her forehead to rest against his with his hand cupping her cheek. “Anna Gyllenhaal would’ve had a really nice ring to it.” Jake pressed his lips against hers in a slow, gentle kiss before pulling away. He thought back to when he’d told America - how she’d scolded him for telling her and not Anna. “She told me to tell you. Basically told me I was an idiot and that we were perfect for each other. I should’ve listened to her.”

Anna: While he's brushing his fingers against his arms, Anna's body was covered in chills and the brunette closed her eyes again. She could stay in this position with him forever, and Anna would've of minded it. "Remember the first night we slept together?" Anna questioned, smiling while thinking back on that time. The women loved every minute she spent with Jake, and all the memories were coming back now. When he kissed her back once more, Anna left her lips on his for a few moments and just listened to him talk "I really am sorry, that I.. kept the scare from you. I wanted to tell you but I was just.., I was scared." Anna whispered, and then looked up at him when she heard him mention Reese's name. "We really did fuck up, didn't we? I never saw myself settling down or having kids, that wasn't until I saw you with Ramona and Gloria and I just.. I fell in love with you more and more. It scared me, but I would've wanted it." Anna bit her lips again, and pushed her hair back, planting soft kisses on Jake's chest. When he brought her forehead to rest agains his, and when he cupped her cheek, Anna smiled and laughed a little "It would've. My mom would've been over the moon if you had asked me to marry you." She laughed again, and then closed her eyes as he kissed her slowly and gently, moaning again. "Natalie said the same thing. That we were perfect for one another, do you think Mike knew that we were fooling around off set? Cause Natalie figured it out, and then I guess you told America." Anna said, and then looked at him "Can you stay the night, please?" Anna questioned, more liked begged quietly and kissed him once more on the lips. She missed his lips on hers.

Jake: “How could I forget?” He smiled as he thought back to their first time together. It hadn’t been perfect but it was definitely something he would never forget. All of his time with Anna was something that he cherished. He would never, ever forget one bit of it. All the dates, all the nights they’d stay up talking about nothing - it felt so fresh in his mind while he was laying there with her. This would be another one of those memories he wasn’t going to forget. “Hey, it’s okay,” he smiled at her, speaking with that soft voice he often found himself using around her. “I get it. We both kept things from each other. It still sucks but… it’s okay.” And, it was. Sure, it was going to play on his mind for a few days but he wasn’t angry. It was just something he had to work through to be completely okay with and he’d do that in his own time. “God, I was so in love with you. It was terrifying. I would’ve had everything with you if I wasn’t so fucked up when it comes to relationship shit.” Jake sighed, wrapping his arms around her to pull her as close to him as he could. He couldn’t get enough of having her this close to him again. “Probably. I don’t think we were very good at hiding it,” he laughed and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “Yeah, I’ll stay.” Usually, he would’ve probably bailed if it was anyone else but there was no way he was leaving her. “You need to sleep.”

Anna: Their first night together was everything and more. Sure, she got a feeling of what their first time would be like just from working and filming with him and she was so happy that it was almost perfect. She wished so badly that she didnt screw everything up, she wished so badly that she had just told him the truth but they couldnt turn back the time. “It’s not though Jake, you had a right to know. That.., that wouldve been your baby to. I honestly don’t know if I would’ve told you if I was actually pregnant.” Anna finally admitted not only to herself but to him, Anna let out a breath and just listened to him talk. She was still confused as to why he wasn’t fighting with her but maybe it was a good thing. “I wouldve done everything with you too. I hate so much how screwed this up.” As he pulls her closer to him, Anna took another breath and contained to place soft kisses on his chest “I don’t think we were good at it either. I mean the amount of times David yelled cut during that one scene, where you wake up and pull me in close.” Anna laughed a little and then bit her lips, but then closed her eyes for a few minutes as his lips were on her forehead. When he told her he would say, the words were coming out of her mouth before she could stop “I dont... I dont think I ever stopped loving you.” Anna whispered and looked at him “I.. I was in love with Ben but.. youve always been there in the back of my mind. I never stopped..” Anna whispered, and then looked down now feeling embarrassed

Jake: Laying there with her made him miss everything they’d had. It had been so good. There wasn’t a single second of it that Jake hadn’t loved. Being with Anna had been everything to him back then. If they hadn’t been so dumb, if they’d have just told each other the things they’d been hiding then it wouldn’t be like this. They would’ve been happy together but it hadn’t worked out like that. That was the harsh reality of it. “I... just, maybe it’s not okay but there’s nothing I can say to change it. You did what you did and I did what I did and that’s it,” he shrugged his shoulders slightly. “Do we have to keep talking about it? I just wanna enjoy this moment with you before we both get brought back down to earth.” Maybe he should’ve been angry with her. Maybe he should’ve yelled at her and told her how sad and upset he was that she’d kept it from it but it’d be pointless. It’d take so much energy and Jake wasn’t the type of person to lose his temper like that anyway. He got annoyed a lot but never full on mad. Jake closed his eyes as he felt her lips on his skin. A content smile etched on his face as he listened to her talk and the smallest of chuckles passing his lips. “I’m surprised we didn’t get called out on it. It’s hard to be so secretive when you’re as crazy about someone as I were you.” As he heard Anna’s confession, his eyes shot open and all of a sudden his heart was beating fast against his chest. This would usually be the part where he’d freak out and not say anything - just completely brush off the fact that she’d said she never stopped loving him but he couldn’t. It was silent for a few minutes until Jake finally spoke up with his voice barely above a whisper as he admitted “I don’t think I ever stopped loving you either.” It was hard for him to admit but if she could say it then he could too.

Anna: He had made her the happiest, even though the two were hiding their relationship, Jake had made Anna the happiest and right now she felt happy. Sure, things were shitty with them during this situation but laying in bed with him, Anna felt happy and she felt safe. Anna wanted to figure out how to fix all of this, she wanted to figure out how to almost erase the pain and just start over with him, but maybe not wasn't the time. Letting him talk, Anna laid there and listened to him, she took a breath and sighed. "No. We don't.., we don't have to talk about it anymore." Anna whispered, and felt herself get choked up. To be honest, Anna was kind of hoping they would talk about it in a way, but there was no point and she wasn't going to force him. "I want to enjoy this moment with you too, I lo--" Stopping herself, Anna closed her eyes and shook her head. Pressing her lips to hers, hoping he didn't catch up to what she was about to say, Anna looked at him, watching him get lost within his thoughts. "I miss that set. End Of Watch was probably one of my favorite sets to be on, plus having Natalie and America with me was always a plus." Anna said, smiling she looked at him and took a breath. She shouldn't of said anything, he was quiet for a few moments and that was never a good sign. Getting frustrated with herself, Anna ran her fingers through his hair and looked at him when he opened his mouth "So what.., what does this mean?" Anna questioned, she was probably ruining this by talking to much, but all of this was killing her and confusing her.

Jake: No matter what this was always going to be something they’d never be able to forget but maybe in some weird twist of fate it would be the thing to bring them back together. Jake could see himself with Anna again but they had to be on the same page for that to happen. There was still that lingering fear there of being with someone so seriously again. He didn’t say anything instead he just laid there and listened to her talk. He had managed to catch on to what she almost might have said but he didn’t want to bring it up in case he was wrong and she was about to say something completely different. “I…” Jake started but stopped trying to think of the right thing to say. The sensible thing. He met her eyes with his and the whole thing became real again. He knew this was a question they were going to have to face after everything that had happened and was said but it didn’t prepare him any less. “I think there’s some things we have to work through. I just… I care about you a lot and so badly wish we could just say ‘fuck it let’s try again’ but it’d just be a train wreck until we’ve dealt with everything. We both need time to figure out if this is something we’d both really want, you know? It doesn’t mean the feelings aren’t there it just means we need time to be back on good terms first. I know we just had sex and this has been great,” he smiled at her but turned serious again. “But there’s still a lot of processing to do.”

Anna: It's not that she didn't trust him, that wasn't the reason why she never told him. Of course she trusted him, but back then Anna was terrified of this whole relationship becoming real. It was her first realtionship since her brake up with Edgar, and even though she thought she loved Edgar, in all reality Anna didn't. Since meeting Jake, Anna has always been in love with him and the women kind of wished this would bring them back together. As he didn't say anything, Anna knew she probably just screwed this whole thing up again and the actress took a breath and chewed on her lips, she was nervous for some reason. The moment he opened his mouth, Anna swallowed hard and cleared her throat but then looked at him, she licked her lips "You're right. I want to say fuck it and let's try again, but I.., Jake I never really talked to Aubrey about me being possibly pregnant. I mean she knew, but never really talked about it. So I think, I have to work through with the thought that I almost could've been a mom." Anna said, she felt a lump form in her throat and Anna nodded "I.., I do want this. I want this with you again, I'm just.. I don't want to fuck up like I did the last time." Kissing his lips softly, Anna pressed her forehead against his "I.., I love you and I just.., I care about you too. It's not that I didn't trust you, that's not why I didn't tell you. You're right though, that there's a lot of processing to do.." Anna said, she kissed him once more and Anna held his face, starring into his ocean eyes and Anna took a breath.

Jake: Back then if they’d have been having a conversation like this about their feelings, he probably would have ran hours ago but he’d done a lot of growing in the time that they’d been apart. He was still scared of being with someone and the whole reality of being in love but he was an adult - almost forty years old and he couldn’t run forever. His commitment issues were something he really needed to work on and he knew that. “I still have to process the fact that there might have been a possibility that I could’ve been a dad,” he frowned. It still stung knowing that she’d never told him. It was gonna take time for him to be okay with that fully. “We have to work on ourselves before we can be with each other again.” He nodded. For some reason, he was nervous - he felt on edge and that was due to the fact they were talking about feeling and relationships but when she kissed him, he felt calm even for a few seconds. He sighed, letting their foreheads touch while he cupped her cheek with one of his hands. Hearing her say she loved him sent a fury of panic through him but he shook it off. Why couldn’t he just be normal when it came to this kind of stuff? “I....” He started, finding it hard to admit it out loud because then it would be real and he couldn’t take it back. “I... love you too.” His voice was a whisper but it was loud enough for her to hear. “Let’s just... work on getting back to a good place before we give this a shot again if that’s what we decide to do. Maybe you’ll meet some other guy before we work this out properly and then I’ll have to punch him in the face but still,” he joked, trying to lighten the mood for even a second. “We’ll work through our shit, work on being good with each other and see what happens. Maybe it’ll lead us back to each other again.”

Anna: Anna knew how hard this was for him she just wished she understood a little more on why he was so scared but Anna didn’t want to bother him about it or make him talk about it. “I know baby. You.. you would’ve been an amazing dad to our kid. I.. I told you I was relieved but I was disappointed too.” Anna signed, she knew she hurt him badly just by hiding the fact that he didnt know she was almost pregnant and it bugged her so much she kept it to herself. “I know, I.. Ive been working on myself. I dont know if it’s helping or not.” She felt that he was a little off, but after they kissed Anna laid there with him for a few moments. What an idiot, she thought. The moment those three words escaped her lips, Anna knew she fucked up again. When it took him a while to answer her back, Annas face turned red and she could feel tears in her eyes “No I.., I thought Ben was the one. I thought he was it for me but I.., I think.., I think it’s you.” Anna said quietly, her eyes were filled with water but she wasn’t crying. “I hope so.” Anna said quietly, and learned in to kiss him softly “What.. what would you have done if I was pregnant?” She needed to ask, she needed to know. Anna looked at him, rubbing her right hand on his cheek and Anna kissed him softly

Jake: Jake really did love love. He thought it was beautiful especially if you had the real thing but he’d seen people around him give their everything only to be hurt. He’d even gone through it himself so the idea of giving himself to someone so completely again scared him. But, this was Anna. This was someone he trusted and did love her. He would just have to try and get over having difficulty saying it. If they were to make this work ever again he didn’t want him to ruin it because of that. “You would’ve been a great mom. It just....obviously wasn’t our time.” He heard her sigh and sent a comforting smile her way. He didn’t want her to feel bad about it. “I just want you to be happy by yourself before you’re happy with me.” He leaned over to press a gentle kiss against her lips. “I’m sorry that it’s so hard for me to admit things to you. I wish it wasn’t but just know that when I do say things, I really mean them. I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t. I love you, Anna. Even if you drive me absolutely insane sometimes.” Hopefully that would put her at ease a little bit. He wanted her to know that what he was saying was real and he did mean it even if it came out forced. It wasn’t her, it was him as cliche as that sounded. At her question, Jake met her eyes and without a beat he answered almost instantly. “I would’ve asked you to marry me without a doubt.”

Anna: She was in love twice, once with Edgar and once with Ben but clearly those relationships didn't work out for her own fucked up reasons. Anna however, did fall in love with Jake while they were together and it pissed her off so much that she didn't say it to him those many years again. She wanted to try this with him again, if Anna was being completely honest with herself, Anna wanted to re-try their relationship. "Thank you." Was all Anna could say, the women never cared for kids and the fact that she had a scare just freaked her out, and the thought of her becoming of mom did to. Seeing him smile, Anna bit her lips and pressed her forehead against his, their naked bodies still pressed up against one another. Anna didn't want this moment to be over, she wanted to stay here for a while. "I.., I am happy Jake. I'm.., still working on myself and I'll probably be working on myself for the rest of my life." Anna admitted, and then looked at him as he leaned in to press a kiss against her lips. She smiled within the kiss, and rubbed her thumb over his cheeks "I know babe, I love you too. I'm.., I wish I would've said it when we were together. I'm saying it now though because I.., I never stopped falling in love with you." Anna swallowed hard and got all choked up, kissing his cheek, Anna got lost within her thoughts for a few moments before remembering she had asked him an important question, and Anna felt tears falling down her cheeks "Jake..." She said all choked up, and then looked at him all choked up. Anna loved him.

*FINISHED

[frmartinshomiliesandreflections]

28th April >> Fr. Martin’s Gospel Reflections / Homilies on John 12:44-50 for Wednesday, Fourth Week of Eastertide: ‘I, the light, have come into the world’.

Wednesday, Fourth Week of Eastertide

Gospel (Except USA)

John 12:44-50

I, the light, have come into the world

Jesus declared publicly:

‘Whoever believes in me believes not in me but in the one who sent me, and whoever sees me, sees the one who sent me. I, the light, have come into the world, so that whoever believes in me need not stay in the dark any more. If anyone hears my words and does not keep them faithfully, it is not I who shall condemn him, since I have come not to condemn the world, but to save the world. He who rejects me and refuses my words has his judge already: the word itself that I have spoken will be his judge on the last day. For what I have spoken does not come from myself; no, what I was to say, what I had to speak, was commanded by the Father who sent me, and I know that his commands mean eternal life. And therefore what the Father has told me is what I speak.’

Gospel (USA)

John 12:44-50

I came into the world as light.

Jesus cried out and said, “Whoever believes in me believes not only in me but also in the one who sent me, and whoever sees me sees the one who sent me. I came into the world as light, so that everyone who believes in me might not remain in darkness. And if anyone hears my words and does not observe them, I do not condemn him, for I did not come to condemn the world but to save the world. Whoever rejects me and does not accept my words has something to judge him: the word that I spoke, it will condemn him on the last day, because I did not speak on my own, but the Father who sent me commanded me what to say and speak. And I know that his commandment is eternal life. So what I say, I say as the Father told me.”

Reflections (4)

(i) Wednesday, Fourth Week of Easter

The Acts of the Apostles tells the story of the spread of the gospel from Jerusalem outwards into the Roman Empire. Today’s first reading is the moment when the gospel makes the first significant spread westwards from the land of Israel, to the island of Cyprus. It was the generosity of a church in Syria, to the north of Israel, that made this possible. The church of Antioch, in response to the promptings of the Holy Spirit, set aside two of their own leading members for this mission, Barnabas and Saul. They allowed themselves to become poorer so that others would be enriched. This was the pattern of Jesus’ own life. Paul in one of his subsequent letters will say of Jesus that ‘though he was rich, yet for your sakes he became poor, so that by his poverty you might become rich’. Jesus emptied himself, taking the form of a servant, so that we all might have life and have it to the full. This is to be the pattern of our own lives too. We all have some gift or grace that we can give away so that others might live more fully in some way. When we let go in this way, after the example of the church in Antioch, we not only make others more alive but we become more alive ourselves, the Spirit grows more fully within us. In the gospel reading, Jesus says that he came as light into the world so that others might not stay in the dark any more. Whenever the pattern of Jesus’ life becomes the pattern of our lives, then his light continues to shine through us.

And/Or

(ii) Wednesday, Fourth Week of Easter

In this morning’s first reading, the Holy Spirit prompts the church in Antioch to send two of their leading and most gifted members on mission, Paul and Barnabas. There might have been those in the church of Antioch at the time who said, ‘no, we can’t let two such key people leave. They are needed here’. As communities, as individuals, there is a natural temptation to hold on to what we have. We resist deliberately making ourselves poorer. Yet, that is what the Holy Spirit was asking the church in Antioch to do, to make itself poorer, to let go of two of its greatest assets, so that those who had never heard the gospel might be brought to Christ. The ways of the Holy Spirit today in the church are probably not very different from the ways of the Holy Spirit at the beginning of the church. The Spirit prompts us to take the way of Jesus, which is the way of self-emptying so that others might have life. In his second letter to the Corinthians, Paul declared, ‘you know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ who, though he was rich, yet for your sakes he became poor, so that by his poverty you might become rich’.

 And/Or

(iii) Wednesday, Fourth Week of Easter

In today’s gospel reading Jesus speaks of the one who sent him. Frequently in John’s gospel, Jesus speaks of God as the one who sent him. God sent his Son out of love for the world. God’s sending of his Son was an act of generosity on God’s part, involving a real giving. The gospel of John also speaks of God as one who gave his Son. In the first reading this morning, the church of Antioch send two of their most gifted members to parts of the Roman Empire where Christ had not yet been preached. The sending off of Barnabas and Paul by the church of Antioch involved a real giving on their part. They were sacrificing two of their most valuable assets for the sake of others whose need was greater. Over the centuries the local church has sent and given some of its most gifted members to proclaim the gospel far from home. That is the nature of the church and the nature of our lives as Christians. We give away what is most precious to us so that others can benefit from our resources. Each local church, each parish, is called not just to serve itself, but to serve other parishes, other local churches, whether next door or far away. As God gave his Son to us, we are called to give his Son to each other by sharing our most precious resources.

 And/Or

(iv) Wednesday, Fourth Week of Easter

In this morning’s first reading, which follows on from yesterday’s first reading, Barnabas and Saul are now both leading members of the church in Antioch. In that reading, the church of Antioch is portrayed as doing something very generous. Under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, they release Paul and Barnabas, two of their most important members, for mission work far beyond Antioch. The Spirit moved the church in Antioch to let go of two of its greatest assets so that the gospel could be preached in places where it had never been preached before. The church in Antioch was being prompted by the Spirit to empty itself, to become poorer, so that others might become spiritually rich. This was how Paul went on in one of his letters to describe the coming of Jesus among us, ‘though he was rich, for your sakes he became poor, so that by his poverty you might become rich’. The Spirit will always work in our lives to reproduce in us that same pattern. The Spirit will always be moving us as individuals and as communities of faith to give of ourselves, to empty ourselves, so that other people’s relationship with the Lord will be the richer.

Fr. Martin Hogan.

[riskeith]

HI BABY!!!!

I LOVE THOSE TYPES OF VIDEOS SO MUCH THE SECOND THE SONG STARTED I KNEW WHAT WAS GONNA HAPPEN!!!! I’M SO HAPPY ALSO THE PLAYER TRYING TO MAKE ZHONGLI DANCE SKDJFJDKDJFLD i love how dancin’ has just become the official genshin song.

yes back to scheduled program:

it’s a super unpopular opinion 😳 i’ve never heard anyone say that skdhdfjdks. but same i think i’ve seen the first two over ten times throughout the years but i’ve only seen the last one Once. the movies do a great job at lore though so i don’t think reading the books are necessary... personal opinion. OH idk how famous it is but it’s a truth and dare fic and it’s super nsfw idk how much you like reading those but it’s called ‘it started with a spin’... it’s a mess but i remember reading it years ago and really enjoying it jshshsj.. also WOW???? you really fell into the drarry hole huh? granted it’s understandable they have some amazing writers. and sooo much content.

BUNNY CUTE CLUNA OH MY GOD HE SAID BUNNY CUTE!!!!!!! 🥺 ok this just made razor and bennett my new favorite duo in the game sorry everybody else..... ok nvm aether + razor too? wait no now i’m confused razor should be everybody’s baby.. including ours yes let’s adopt him... i can’t believe we already have children together 😳

RIGHT? i love that so much too! as much as i enjoy canon bamf midoriya i love fics that contain quirkless midoriya as well. something about him not needing a quirk yet changing the world is just *chefs kiss* that does feel like a you thing to do lmao sjshskks imagine how easy writing would be that way. also i’ve been curious about smth: do you have any favorite fics you can recommend? longer fics perferably i’m feeling Angsty.

it is a long time but idk.. it can create friendships that last for a long time. i’m still bestfriends with people i got to know at 5 years old and i’m 21 now so sjsjdksdk i guess being around each other for so long makes your bond different. but i’m sure it’s the same when you share those crucial teenage years together too.

diluc is always there and he’s so tempting.. damn. but yeah after xiao you could go for it!! imagine having xiao and diluc on your team... the fucking op-ness. is it difficult to get primogems at the higher levels?

WHAT????? are you kidding????? holy shit this game is on something.... how long will it take to ascend hahaha. now i know what streamers mean when they say that it’s okay to stop at level 80 with most characters....

CLUNA DO YOU HAVE 8 TUMBLR ACCS OR AM I PICKING THIS UP WRONGLY.... but jokes aside that the best system you don’t have to worry about spamming one blog or it being messy. i admire that a lot, couldn’t be me but i admire that a lot.

CHONGYUN EATING COTTON CANDY.. i just got a visual like him picking cotton candy from his hair and snacking on it help shdjjdhdjsks he’s so adorable. (pink and blue are equally used here!! i mostly see it during fairs and stuff. do you like it?) dip dye was so famous around that time remember when everybody did it? i remember crying bc i wasn’t allowed. and yeah i dye my hair once a year usually. mostly softer brown colors (my natural hair color is dark brown) and black when i’m feeling emo. i did peachy red hair once and i think that was my prime hsjsks. wbu? have you ever dyed it?

OIKAWAAAAA....... there’s something so fucking good about a seemingly confident boy that’s actually super insecure and very passionate that just hits right. right? and i do have two hq wips actually they aren’t very advanced because i’ve been so busy but they exist. one iwaoi and one kagehina. those two are my main ships in the show so far actually, that might change but who knows. i just love those two soooo much. the dynamics are just mwah. i need to get them out in the world some day.... hbu?? are you currently working on anything? hq or anything else? AND OFC IVE SEEN THAT. i actually love that drawing sooooo much cluna i remember seeing it weeks ago and going aaaaaah wow. the crown,,, his hair,,, i just think you’re the most amazing and i have such a crush on your talent.... 🥺 (just you in general as well actually 😳)

it’s the weekend, aka more time for us! can’t wait to hear from you again babe... <3

HI HIIIIII

HAHAHA YEAH WHEN I SAW IT I WAS LIKE OMGGGGGGG OMGGGGGG!!!!! the things people come up with wow 😩

oooo! that’s good then. i just don’t think i absorb information as well from movies compared to books ahaha. well i’ve learnt all the important stuff through fics now i reckon 🤪 oh i’ve seen that!! but i’ve purposely been not reading it fhdjdjskkwndks i feel like the concept wouldn’t be my thing but.. i might give it a shot. AND YESS there are so many good drarry authors who’ve written amazing fics ugh i love it here

it’s what razor deserves 😩😩 where should we take him first 🤪 family day out

hmmm fic recs which pairing? i could give you a lot of drarry, and a decent amount of iwaoi and kagehina maybe.. i don’t read a lot of fic for pairings/fandoms i write unfortunately.. but for a start the drarry fic running on air i mentioned is reaaaaally good!! a shorter one but just as good one is “to hurt and heal”. and i hope you’re doing alright 💞

omg nice!! that’s so sweet tho.. do you know anyone who’s had their childhood friends to lovers experience <33 ahahah

dude xiao and diluc omg… i am manifesting 🕯 it kinda is! if you run out of achievements and you’ve explored everything you can only really get primos from your daily commissions… i believe. which is why updates with new areas like dragonspine are a big blessing djdjskkdnfjc

yeah same omg crazy.. i think i might try levelling some of my main 4 up with books and then i’ll just like passively let them gain xp as i play lmao.…

I HAVE...… DEFINITELY MORE THAN 8 INCLUDING ONES IM JUST USING TO SAVE URLS/BLOGS I STARTED BUT NEVER CONTINUED BUT..… yeahhhhhh LMAO

omg.… your brain m.a. your brain!!! (i love cotton candy!! we call it fairy floss ehehe. do you like it?) FJSKKDKSMS i wasn’t allowed either 😔😔. oh nice!! omg peachy red??? das cool af. and i’ve never dyed my hair before!! but i’ve been wanting to bleach it lately heheh

iwaoi and kagehina dynamics are definitely top tier… i hope you’re able to work on those wips again soon!! and i have a lot of hq wips!! none i’m actively working on.. but yeah! thank you so much 😭😭😭😭 you’re too too kind to me 😭😭😭 but yeah i was also like??? i really did that??? wow. i must’ve been possessed by some kinda oikawa loving and good at drawing demon when i drew that fr (the feeling is.. mutual 😳)

ALSO THAT REMINDS ME. I HAVE THE PERFECT PLACE TO GO ON OUR CO-OP DATE omg so i was thinking about where we could possibly go together as xingqiu and chongyun before falling asleep and literally startled awake when i realised… won’t tell you yet so it’s a surprise hehehe unless you also know 👀 what i’m thinking 👀

woo!! can’t wait for your reply 💌

[jooheonies]

nawar lover no.1 aka user shwhyuk uwu

bloodorangeki said: the lady formerly known as hyuccwoo, shreknu if u will,

send me a tumblr url and ill tell you what i think of them!

hhhhhh ok before i eben launch into this full love essay. i jst wanna say tht u truly are the light at the end of my tunnel sejung,,,,u make me so happy !!! Like i remember when i was losing my mind off of like three sips of pineapple cider and i legitimately felt like i was gonna throw up but then i was like … damn i can’t forget to text shannon and tell her about all this. and then i talked to u for a full hour or so while u called me a liddle babie nd i continuously whined…either way you truly have me under your spell you demon!!

okay so not to be. dramatic but youre so dreamy and pretty you remind me of rain and soft kisses on the cheeks and rose gardens and bouquets of flowers and soft sunlight on flower meadows and like! that feeling you get in your cheeks when you smile too much for too long and you get that permanent blush across your face! god that’s probabaly nonsense and not very cohesive but you have the same sort of colors…soft orange and light pink….you’re like a sunset on the beach right at the start of spring when theres barely anyone on the shore and the whole world feels really big and wide but even though youre all alone you don’t feel lonely because it still feels like the whole world(you) is poised right at the edge of your fingertips.

hhhh that also probably made very little sense but i dont care i love you so much and im very bad at expressing emotion (blame my virgo moon who hasn’t felt any feelings in over 18 years) but i still feel like always showering u in that sweet love and affection, despite the fact that im horrible with words and i have absolutely no consistency. I feel like it’s really rare to meet someone who literally changes your entire perception of the world but … damn here we are!! tlkaing to u is literally a part of my daily life its a part of who i am at this point :/

Anyways, friendships don’t really come naturally to me because I have a very weird perosnality where like. im simultaneously suffocating whilst also being very detached and it turns people off so quickly but..god we mesh so well i truly love you so much. i also tend to not write a lot whenever i make these posts bc im the kind of person who continously says how much i love you throughtout the convo (even thoguh ill ghost most ppl for a few days) so whenever i get around to writing these im like :// but what else do i say :// but this time!!! oooo i have so much to say i can never go into full loving hours with you bc you always turn things around and get me to start talking abotu myself and pretty soon we start talking about how i used to raise rocks as a kid instead of talking about how hot you are :/

so anyways firstly . those were just the intro pragaraphs im finally getting into my loving sejung essay :(( helloooo one of my favortie things about talking to you is how easily the conversation always flows ….us talking about shownus asshole and the questionable consumption of expired jello and orbeez at 3 am is most likely the more demonic things weve done while simultaenously being the more tame things…my head still aches when i remember that giagntic bruise i got from looking at that wonho+tentacles/changkyun+black hole sketch u made… god we somehow always go from topic to topic with absolutely no regard for cohesiveness and yet neither of us ever question it…we’ll spend hours discussing absolutely nothing …like that one night we stayed up for like three hours on rabbit talking about all the different mx stans and which member has the most stans internationally versus domestically and why….icons of developing complex sociocultural theories at 2am while occasionally mentioning “oh wow its late u should go to bed >:/” god its just that I always lose track of time whenever I talk to you…its like im so focused on that I Love Her mood that I don’t even realize its been 4 hours until I look down at my pile of unfinished homework and then back up at my laptop like. This was a Valid choice why would I pick ib math when I have a whole entire sejung talking to me. hhhh its just that talking to you comes so naturally and I always tell you all these quesiotnable things to which you always respond by first calling me a demon and then laughing about it and encouraging my stupidity. it’s also so so endearing that ill tell you about the dumb shit im doing and your first response is always to nag at me to be safe and take care of myself as if ill actually listen to you and clean a cut with alcohol, risking legitimate Pain… anyways sejung? queen of making me feel loved and noticed? MORE LIKELY THAN U THINK!!!!

hhhhh ok moving on now I get to talk about how. sexy u are damn….i remember back when we were first starting to talk and you sent me those pictures of yourself in that button up and I literally. I quite literally almost passed out in the starbucks while the barista was handing me my strawberry lemonade I truly almost lost it…nd right before that I was encouraging you to talk to the boba girl nd flirt nd be all spicie…but then u sent me those pics nd I was like for what reason would she have to impress boba girl when im right here … mouth open so wide in love that all the bobas are spilling out of my mouth :( not to be dramatic yet again when I know ive mentioned those selfies before but damn…those were so hot u unbuttoned like two or three of the top buttons and u looked so hot truly. raw me vore me behind each and every single boba store location hewwwooo u look so intense nd powerful im truly putty in ur hands not only would I lose my mind for u, I have already lost it

hhhhh im very much rambling and making very little sense rn bc its. 2:30 am and im sleebie nd I blocked all social media sites so id do homework bt I kept thiknning abt u so I was like hm the universe clearly wants me to write about sejung more even though ill have to post this in the morning bc tungle is blocked until then :// bt anaywas that also means I get to go into all the other thigns I love about u and all the things u remind me of :(( hhhh its so wild that I never actually aunch into full loving shannon mood bt I talk abt u so much w my friends theyre all. suspicious ,,,,

them: nawar u don’t actually like romance and u hate talking about people r u perhaps dating this girl??me, w hearts in my eyes laughing at smth ure saying on my phone: what

HHHH DJHFKSJDHF TAHST TRULY ME,,,,ALWAYS THIKNING ABT U,,,ALWAYS BEING BIG HEART EYES FR U,,,at any given moment I could be reminded of u :( I see a piece of paper nd im like huh I should do work then again is work necessary to live perhaps not but sejung is necessary to live,,,,me thinking abt u as I procrastinate every single thing ive ever had to do :D Like, ive never understood when people say that they hated a zodiac sign at one point, and then they met one person and they were like oh my god nevermind this sign is perfect but truly,,,I love geminis now ,,,I used to hate them almost as much as cancer nd now? geminis are all good ure so wonderful nd loving nd sweet u being a gemini saved geminis collectively,,

ill also neber stop talking abt how now matter how much I whine and demand attention, youre always jst,,,supplying it without any question like at one point people usually get annoyed, no matter how endeared they were by it at first, bt youre always calling me a baby (even though im older) nd giving me that sweet Love and Attention,,mmmmm my libra sun thrives under ur care :( hhhh also I feel it is important to point out I love. all of u,,,,like I don’t even usually care much for peoples voices or anything unless its like so deep it sounds like the grim reaper bc that’s wild u ,,bt anyways the first moment I heard ur voice I was. breathless I was so shocked like ur voice is so soothing nd warm its like. if the aesthetic of sunlight and honey and warm pies had a voice,,,hhhh im also not the type to really believe in things like fate nd destiny and soulmates and stuff bt that’s kind of what u remind me of ? in a? not weird way hhhhh so I feel like youre just so naturally in tune with people like nothing really catches you off guard and you roll with peoples different personalities and quirks and you always jst. mesh so well with everyone ure like the minhyuk of the internet,,,,nd like!! theres smth abt u that reminds me of balance and maybe its my libra sun always seeking peace and harmony in life but I always feel so relaxed nd steady whenever I talk to you its like . idk how to explain it!!! its jst so comforting!!!

I was originally gonna cut myself off at 1k but its too late for that now and im gonna put this under a read more anyways and its 3am now so I feel like. go Big or go Home!!! now im gonna launch into a long analysis of u! and ur smile!! first of all,,,its so rare nd wild to find someone who likes validating people more than being validated,,,,u finding my libra antics cute???hhhhh tahts so wild,,,,I could pout for hours nd u would call it cute,,,validating!!! nd the fact that you’ve read my writing,,,,excerpts from my demonic wips and youre stil friends with me?? you still talk to me?? damn that’s like. never to be expected any time I make someone read that tangerine fic they ghost me for a good month but I sent you pieces of that tentacle fic and YOU FUCKCING SKETCHED OUT THE LOOK,,,,,MY MUSE,,,nd also you tend to always steer the convo around to focus on the other person n dim a FOOL who almost falls for it every time,,,before I remember and make u tell me thigns…god ive told you so many obscure things from my childhood like that time I tried to eat a brick and yet you still,,,,talk to me,,,,who are u,,,,hhhh ure always so cute nd giving nd caring I feel like I could genuinely truly look like shit nd send u a selfie nd you would still be like WOW GORGEOEUS YOU LOOK SO GOOD THAT’S HOT!!! u,,,going out of ur way to make ppl happy :( anyways im a fool in love w u ,,,also not to be like. one of those old white boy text posts from tumblr but ,,,,hey girl,,,ladie,,,wamen,,,did u know? ur smile lights up my world? ,,,did u know? theres no such thing as u being anything less than perfect,,,why? because its impossible to be anything less than the essence of who you are. hhhh that’s the dumbest thing im ever written im cutting myself off that was too much this is like. 2k words so far and in all honesty I could continue but then id get gushier than that last line and nobody wants to see That,,,hhhh

this started out with. somewhat decent grammar like I used periods and I think I occasionally capitalized the first letter of the sentence but at this point its incoherent rambling it’s the inside of my brain every time I see u or hear frm u its like when spongebobs brain was on fire and all the cabinets and computers were going up in flames and all the little brain spongebobs were losing their mind that’s me right now losing my mind over you I wrote exactly 2k words in that whole essay,,,,im so fucking valid,,,,ananywas I love you if you couldn’t tell nd iim . somewhat satisfied at being able to vent all this love,,,smoochie,,smoochh,,SMOOCHIIE

[swearronchanel]

Who let me watch 5.06?

I should be doing an assignment that’s due tomorrow but ya know due tomorrow means do tomorrow. Lol I know I should be ashamed to be a procrastinator but university has ruined me anyway. I’m tired from literally going to one lecture haha, but in any event I’ve been rewatching mad men for the who knows what time but I thought I’d take a break from all that and watch an episode of CtM & @flyingnonny inspired me to do a reaction post so why not? I decided on 5.06 since last Sunday’s episode reminded us of that camping trip 😂😂  here goes nothing.. 

*skips intro bc I’m impatient*

Cute community moment ☺️

TRIXIE😍 slaying my life

Shelagh looks so good too 😍 and Angela melting my heart!

Why is shelagh forever wearing cardigans? I like cardigans every now and then but all the time, really?

Everyone is sitting outside, Trixie is in a sleeveless dress, as is Barbara, so it has to be warm?? take it off Shelagh

She’s still my bby though even if I don’t always agree with her fashion choices

what gross vejo pinching Trixie’s ass? That’s not ok

And Babs too lmao, creepy old man, die

Shelagh saying “hello dear” aw

But this is like the only interaction between Shelagh and Trixie & that does not suffice !!

ALL I WANT IS FOR THEM TO HAVE AN ACTUAL FRIENDSHIP IDC HOW MANY TIMES IVE SAID IT I REALLY Want it😭😭💕💕 my two fav bbys

I HAVE EVEN GIVEN REASONS WHY & I CAN GIVE THEM AGAIN ***        1) Why not?? Shelagh has like no real friends besides her husband and sort of Sister Julienne?                                                 

 2) just please, because I’m asking nicely                                                     3) When Shelagh was Sister Bernadette she was often friendly/ in the gossip and conversation with the nurses & remember that one time Trixie grabbed her to come listen to Jenny’s phone conversation?               

4) Trixie was the only one besides Sister Julienne to visit her in the sanatorium. That has to count for something!                                             5) They’ve both been on the show since day 1 & have known each other the longest (besides the nuns) why wouldn’t they be friends or least actually speak to each other?

Aye this is the lady who’s fake pregnant

Shelagh wearing earrings though >> here for it

Sorry there will be a lot of gushing over Shelagh and Trixie

And also I WANT TRIXIE’S HOOP EARRINGS SO BAD, where can I find them??

And how do I get her clothes and figure and her everything lol?

PHYLLIS ! My champion

“Would it have killed you to sit down for five minutes and eat the whole thing!” I LOVE HER, SHE IS A GEM, A HERO, A BADASS & IM NOT READY FOR SUNDAY. IM GOING TO BAWL WITH AND FOR HER

she deserves the best

I think this is the only time I’ve ever heard Trixie address Shelagh by her first name?? a prob.

They need to interact more 😭💔💕😍 I will stop saying it when I’m dead even then I’ll prob say it

Actually when I think of it no one ever calls Shelagh by her first name besides obviously Patrick? And Sister Julienne

#MoreShelaghAndTheOtherNursesInteracting2k17aka1962

And I need at least two seconds of them dotting on pregnant Shelagh

Helen looks so good like goals

“I threatened to put one man over my knee but that only encouraged him” HA IM DEAD NO KINK SHAME

I think there’s been a similar joke before but fuck it it’s still funny to me

But seriously everyone loves Trixie lol how could you not though?

Hey Pats, it’s been a while

Lol omg Tim in that uniform.. Not the best costume 😂😂

Never seen Whistle Down the Wind

But you see, Tom and Babs making out as usual, I’m not knocking it lol but this is why Sister J told her to chill when they went to South Africa😂

also lowkey jealous bc Jack Ashton is handsome af and that could’ve been me but it’s all good. He and Helen are adorable together and I’m here for it x10000

Omg I forgot this lady got assaulted

Oh shit I just remembered this is the episode where sister MC is attacked FUCK WHY DID I WATCH THIS

she can’t report it bc she’d get arrested for soliciting wtf

But remember Shelagh wore the headbands in like series 3 (so glad she stopped I was not here for it)? They must’ve gave them to Babs lol

I forgot Trixie didn’t tell the nurses about AA yet

But she looks gorgeous as ever, even with her mascara running

Lowkey nauseas looking at all that fish ugh. Funny becuase they put a grocery store that has a fish market on the block up from where I live in NYC and I hate it  

I forgot about Peter lol and he was in an episode this series whoops

LIKE WHERE’S YOUR WIFE LOL, *I know, too busy for this, I don’t think she’d fit in the series anymore anyway*

Sister Mary Cynthia 😰❣️

Lol she doesn’t sing loud enough ??

Sister Julienne is so cute when she smiles but don’t forget she’s a badass

REMEMBER THE AGGRESSIVE JACKET FLAP BC OF THE IRRITATING SISTER URSULA

How did this girl hide her pregnancy though?

And did her brothers just not realize she was pregnant and the mother wasn’t?

Oh jeez my cousin was a colic-y baby and my parents kept him like 3 days a week when I was in high school & it was a nightmare. I didn’t sleep for so long

Dont get me wrong I love babies. But when they scream when I’m trying to sleep, nope. Return to sender.

Shelagh is so excited about camping it’s the purest and most adorable thing 😭😭And I like her shirt  

Shelagh made Tim copy the napkin folding from a magazine, SHE IS A GEM

“We never have serviettes on a weeknight” wtf did they just not use napkins every day? I’m confused Lmaoo. What am I missing here 😂omg that reminds me of one of the times my family and I went on a cruise (2006, hella long time ago already wow?? 11 yrs yikes) and my brother & cousin were late to dinner and lied to my mom & aunt saying they were at a “napkin folding class” & my family deadass believed it up until 2 years ago😂

Shelagh’s accent is so cute. I’ve said that many times but it’s so sweet. But again why do we just have to accept she’s Scottish with no context as to how/why she came to England? Like I’m sure there were convents in Scotland. I dont even care that much I just will forever be curious as to why it seems she had no life before she got married lol? Like they don’t ever bring up the fact she was a nun, but ok maybe she feels awkward talking about it but what about before? 

They’re so excited it’s so precious, protect this family 😂😭💕💕

Sister MJ is fasting lol I should try it😂

Omg another dumb story, I didn’t realize today is Ash Wednesday and was hella confused seeing some people with ash on their forehead 😂😂 I should give up something for lent but idk what, we shall see. My mom gave up carbs last year & I died bc I lived at home and ate what she cooked and almost all my fav foods are carbs😂

Shelagh referred to Patsy as Patsy, I’ve only ever heard her say Nurse Mount??

lol Tim you’re what 14? you know damn well those arent* bullet holes

at least he has some of his innocence still. I didn’t @ 14

Sometimes I forget I’m gonna be 19 this year wtf. I’ve accidentally told people I’m 16 before and had to correct myself 😂😂

Patrick is excited about this holiday, boy you don’t know what’s coming 😂

HE’S GONNA ATTACK THE LADY WITH A BABY I FORGOT THAT TOO WTF

I wanna fight him

Diane’s anemic ? Or her mum is just assuming

SHELAGH IN HER CAMPING OUTFIT!! The hair scarf and trousers !! I’m so here for it 😍😭

I want to see her in another pair!! yes lets get it 1962. Probably not likely this series but hopefully next series!! Ah can’t wait

Shit this series is almost over 💔💔 but omg 1963 gonna be lit as well?!

Like the space race started/orbiting the earth, Kennedy’s assassination .. wait never mind lol I’m thinking of American History moments. but still a lot of it was crazy world news so maybe it’s mentioned?? first bond film came out in'63, petition for Tim to go take Susan whatever from around the corner to see it since we know he liked the novels

Lots of famous films came out in ‘63 so there’s gotta be some reference.

Fun fact: I love pop culture references in period drama bc I’m lame jk I’m majoring in education (to teach history)

Old news but still relevant: Phyllis’s turn on: Rolodex systems 📇

“CRANE, as in the wading bird or industry lifting equipment, whichever you prefer” LOVE U PHYLLIS, YOU CORRECT HIM

PHYLLIS’S FACE WHEN GODFREY SUGGESTS SHE CAME OUT OF RETIREMENT, IM DEAD

“I shall consider retirement when I’m at the appropriate age”  IM LAUGHING SO HARD, FUCK YEA PHYLLIS. I LOVE HER SO MUCH, LINDA BASSET IS ON THE LIST WITH LAURA AND HELEN OF PEOPLE WHO COULD PUCH ME IN THE FACE AND I’D THANK

LOL SHELAGH JUST STANDING AWKWARDLY LISTENING TO THIS CONVERSATION

“Buenos vacaciones”  I NEED MORE PHYLLIS WORKING ON HER SPANISH I LOVE IT, Ella es oro.

lol the roof rack, bet it was Phyllis’s they borrowed when they moved

PHYLLIS’S FACE OF DISGUST WHEN DR GODFREY SMILES AT HER IS ME ALWAYS

LOL THE THE NURSES & SISTER WINIFRED DYING OVER PATRICK’S SHORTS (EVen though sister W “swears she’s not looking”)

I THINK THE SOCKS AND WHITE DAD SANDALS ARE MORE AMUSING 😂😂

Poor Judith💔

It’s a vicious attack Sister J! But you don’t know it yet so I get u

Here comes summer..😂

SETTING UP IN THE POURING RAIN LOL

Shelagh and Angela being adorable !!

Tim and Patrick proud that  they set the tents up & boom it falls 😂 which is symbolic for me taking exams, I think I did well or at least decent on them and then I find out I failed by like 5 points

Nonnatus table scenes <3 😭

”I’ve seen more dangerous marshmallow bunnies“ lmao Pats this is a serious moment I shouldn’t laugh

Shelagh took off her glasses 😉😏 but fr how is Laura Main so perfect

Patrick put scotch in its lit, pass it over😏

Lol Shelagh drinking is a strange thought but I’m so here for it. Nuns can’t drink right? Idk. Imagine her drinking alcohol for the first time and just getting drunk 😂 we know Patrick and Tim are lightweights getting drunk off one beer so I assume shelagh would too😂

Damn it Patrick, you spilled your cup. Furthermore proving you’re a disaster 😭

LMAO SHELAGH’s “WTF” FACE WHEN SHE ASKS PATRICK WHAT HE’S THINKING ABOUT AND HE SAID THE ULCER CLINIC

LIKE C'MON PATRICK YOU KNOW WHERE SHELAGH WAS TRYNA GO WITH THAT😂

“And if you don’t mind my saying so, you’re not exactly Cliff Richards yourself” SHELAGH 😂😂 another great line of hers, love it

I love their playful banter lol we need more of that 😂 but lets be real series 6 has had some of the greatest Shelagh and Patrick moments so I can’t complain 😭😍

Peter and Barbara is such a unusual dynamic haha

“How is chummy?” Wait does Babs even know Chummy? I don’t even remember if they met tbh

But for real Shelagh did you really think Patrick would just forget about work completely ??

Lol Angela crying because she is petrified of squirrels😂😂and Shelagh running to her is so cute.

Why didn’t she just get rid of the *creepy* squirrel nutkin book? it seemed like they still had it in series 6 haha

rice pudding is I think the same as aroz con leche, lol it’s gross sorry

Diane’s water broke oh shit

the Turners all in the tent playing I spy bc it’s raining haha

I went camping for the first and last time this past summer w/ my sister in laws & her friends, it was awful 😂😂 I got like 100 mosquito bites that became welts, i literally slept in the car the second night & it was mid July fairly south of east coast aka it was humid and sticky af , there were wild horses that walked around..Thank God they brought alcohol cause it was a nightmare I don’t wanna remember 😂😂

ANGELA IS SO CUTE UGH & ANOTHER GREAT SHELAGH FACE😂

lol yes go to a hotel, should’ve done that from the get

So what exactly does Fred run? some civil defense thing?

She’s in labor and can’t even scream omg, I’m screaming

“They are often incorrect in their opinion” Sister MJ is a gem. I want someone to look at me the way Sister MJ looks at cake and the television

Phyllis yelling at Dr Godfrey😂

PATS’S FACE OF DISGUST IS ALSO ME

HOW DO THESE WOMEN GIVE BIRTH STANDING/SITTING UP?? AHHHH

There you are Beatrix, it’s been a while

Patsy being suspicious with the card game line lol. but when is Trixie going to find out about Patsy and Delia?

SHE RIPPED OUT HER WOMB?! WTF OMG IM SCREAMING

THIS HURTS TO WATCH AHH

Trixie and Sister MC to the rescue but omg this is wild I forgot

Fred wtf you can’t be sneaking up like that

DONT LEAVE SISTER MC ALONE TRIXIE

NOO, IM NOT PREPARED FOR THIS

“There are flowers on the table, and feathers in these pillows, that’s all the nature I need to get back to” I feel you Patrick lol, I like nature but not camping

Lol remember Shelagh’s old nightgown? ah I don’t miss it. The bri nylon is such a look™ & obviously has magically powers i.e this miraculous conception.

“..or they’ve been mulled to death by squirrels” IM DEAD HAHA THAT WAS A GOOD DAD JOKE, NICE ONE PATRICK

aw the baby is so precious

Why is the operating room/being in surgery called theatre in the U.K.?? and why is the doctor’s office/practice called the surgery? so many questions from a confused American..

Sister MC by the docks😭💔 she was just chillin with God and THIS HORRIBLE MAN RUINS EVERYTHING WTF UGH

Oh no

SISTER MC JUST UNCONSCIOUS ON THE DOCKS WTF IM CRYING WHY WOULD HURT HER

Patrick even if you were there she wouldn’t have called you, don’t blame urself

it’s not your arrogance sister MC!!

“don’t you even say the word fault, do you hear me, I won’t allow it” 😭💔 it’s NOT your fault sister MC 😰

I forgot how upset/hurt this episode makes me

“The worst thing is that I actually stopped to pray…” my heart hurts

You can’t even blame her for being angry😪

Judith you’re not a bad mother!! This isn’t your fault either

Sister MJ IN THE BATHROOM WITH HER😢😢💔💔 I’m c r y i n

I SAID PROTECT THEM AT ALL COSTS WHY DID THEY HURT ME LIKE THIS

Everyone so quiet at the table..

ILL FOREVER BE PROUD OF HOW BRAVE SISTER MC IS FOR SPEAKING UP FOR HER AND THE OTHER VICTIMS💖😭💔

Russian prison tats??

“I thought at first it was a test of faith, but it was a test of strength. I can bear more than I ever though I could and I can bear it for others because my strength is a gift, from him..” brb sobbing

I feel so bad for Mrs Hills bc I understand she thought she was doing the right thing and was trying to protect her daughter from the stigma & judgment from having a baby born outta wedlock 😭

But damn she almost killed her & now she can’t have any more kids

“I’m a mum, mum” Aw

lol I want children (obviously not anytime soon) but if I do Ima be shook for the rest of my life. Like my kids will  be like grown & I’ll still wake up like wtf I had them?  Lmaoo

SHELAGH’S GREY DRESS >>😍

Patrick jumping on the bed was cute lol

The Turners being cute and an unrealistically perfect family together as usual

Trixie 😍off to her AA💕

“I think it’s about time I came clean..”

Im so proud of her omg. She’s come so far in 6 series 😭💖💖😭

And Patsy and Delia are supportive yess👏🏼

“New truths were being spoken at Nonnatus house, but some remained concealed. While one voice rose, striving to erase its agony in song.”

Thanks Vanessa,, The End 😭