#i forgot where i was going with this joke

[starboye]

starring: santa claus x male reader

request: SO. Santa is visiting a young man, the reader, who is actually at the top of the nice list this year. Santa comes down the chimney and, instead of cookies and milk, finds the reader fucking himself with a candy cane, looking at naughty drawings of the very St. Nick himself! Clearly, the reader deserves to be on the naughty list. Unfortunately, Santa didn’t bring any coal! Surely, a day long, brutal plowing from his Saint Nick Dick will be enough punishment, right?

warnings: smut, cursing, really rough sex, fucking yourself with a candy cane

christmas, the best time and the time to get present for the great old saint nick (if you believe in that kind of thing) and what do you know it seems you were a good boy this year so you're the first stop of the night getting a visit from santa.

as long as this has been going on the old man expected to find some cookies and milk out like any other year or even a note bit instead he reaches the end of the chimney and finds you fucking yourself with a candy cane "oh dear what is this all about" santa asks, eyes darting around what sound be a very good boy but it seems only a naughty one lives here.

"santa i wasn't expecting you" you moan, the delicious treat plunging deeper and deeper into you, this isn't right naughty boys deserve all the coal in the world but uh oh it seems he forgot it in his sleigh and he's getting hard in his jeans so what other pusnishment could he choose.

walking over to you and standing above you with a mean look written over his face "why don't you pleasure yourself with something more real" santa says pulling his pants down to reveal his thick cock and you jump at the offer, wrapping you hand around it and sinking your mouth onto it, not being able to get it all in you just stroked the rest with your shaking hand.

"no need to be nervous boy, santas gonna take real good care of you tonight" the old man says before grabbing both sides of your head and fucking your mouth roughly with no remorse more the gagging sounds you make, a bunch of obscenities leaving his mouth as you took him in your throat.

"turn around boy" he orders pulling out from your mouth and stroking his cock to the juicy sight of your plump ass, it just looked so fuckable and fucked is what he did, plowing your hole open nice and wide with his long cock, calling you such a nasty boy for being a slut to the joy bringer of december "what is mrs.claus not putting out enough" you joke earning a stinging slap from the big man, a red mark being left on your skin which probably wont go away for another months or so.

"shut up boy before you cant walk for a month" he threatens but like doesn't that sound like such a good time, so you continue to hurl jokes at him just enough to where he fucks you so hard your hole feels like it's being ripped apart, he did this all night, making sure you understood the consequences of being naughty.

fucking you until you passed out, waking up the next morning sore and unable to fully move but finding a letter from the man himself saying "i hope to see you next year the same way i left you" and maybe this isn't a bad thing, i mean getting fucked by santa is better than any present i've ever gotten.

taglist:@mailmango @spermeboy @ghostking4m @gayaristocrat @addictedtomalepits @staarb0y @crispysoup318 @its-ares @gargoylesworld09 @znerac

[pancakepieman25]

Gifts I'm Giving Out

My daughter Art: Socks, a pet rock, two pounds of salt blessed by the god Geytl, A portable DVD player, WALL-E on DVD with extra content, a 20 gaude shotgun, a few candles, a dream catcher, a G.I.Joe action figure, a suit that I stole from some rich prick, a suitcase full of "fake" money, The Blues Brothers on DVD, a couple of shotgun shells, and a baseball cap.

Gabe: A card saying "Find a healthy hobby, and I hope your transition goes well," a cook book, a pack of smokes, a book about addiction, and a German style clock that is counterclockwise.

Pixy: A new car, and a MP40.

Zai: A mug saying "Best Mother" with an added thing on the side of it in marker, "Please don't hurt me."

Ell: Screw you

Waffle: A ticket to an Asylum, and an "Adult content" addiction group. And yes I have the police coming for you at this moment.

Daisy: A rock

Ultra: Paint supplies I random found in a car.

Unpleasant: A week supply of mac and cheese, a cook book, and 30 bucks.

Max: A note book, a pen, a candle, 30 different rituals and a lighter.

Cin: Beef jerky, six pounds of beef, a chicken (Alive, I call her Ted), 5 pounds of seeds, and pet toys.

Embro: A Luger I found in a rich prick house, a box of nails, a 2x4, hammer, a German World War II helmet, some gold coins and a pack of cigarettes.

Jesse: A DVD with of all of the episodes of Jessie (Use for only torture or boredom), a fine set of cigars I found from a rich prick, gold plated lighter, and a picture of a dog smoking a old timey pipe.

Rose: A book of how to win wars and meet people.

Radiohead: Another fine suit I stole from rich prick, a random book I found in German, and a pocket knife.

Cult (Sorry I forgot your new name): A book call "Maria on the Moon," another is "Stolen Tongues," and reading glasses.

Grat:

Lenora: A lantern (Heard you have a moth problem), a fish tank with a living habitat in it, and a book about bugs.

Seth: A plush of a yellow lookin' rat (From this series call Poke e men), a box of crayons, socks, and a dummy (His name is Billy).

Nore: A gold coin, a knife I'm pretty sure was used to skin cows (I don't know where I got it), Some flowers, flowerpots, and a watering can. (Yes, I stole from my old job, and no I don't regret it.)

Foolerene: A painting of a beautiful tree and barn house, an magical eyeball (Use when sick), and an ancient stone carver.

Cookie Star: A butter knife, and some swimming goggles.

Huzzah!!!: A gun (I don't really know you, don't worry, it's a glock 18)

Chip: A box of C4, baking trays, cookie cook book, and a wooden roller that I heard can do the job for you, but never seen it happen.

Unus: This German tank model, and this (I'm pretty sure is) 1940s German propaganda.

Rainbowxocs: A bunch of horror stories, a lamp, another fine suit, and a rock.

Lancia: A sword, bow, a bunch of arrows, a horse named Pal, and a picture of a rock.

Midnight Moon: Two tickets to a Dave Matthews Band show, bandage, a plush of a seal, and a life size model of a seal.

Xuan: A typewriter that is in German, a gold plated pen, and a whole lot of letters.

Art's mother: A session with a group of parents that abuse their kids, I know that this seems mean and a joke, but I want you to do better for your kid. Please go to it, Art needs her mother.

[prettypinkporkchop]

The way i've been going thru all your post just reading everything 😍😍😍

If your accepting request, would you mind writing a little something about jacob x shy reader, where jacob is shocked when he finds her little stash of sex toys 🤭

I'm really obssesed with your writing 🩷🩷🩷

Stash

Warnings: sexual ish? Making out, language

Since being imprinted on by Jake, he has done everything to make you blush. He loves that you're shy. God, to get under your skin makes him satisfied. He swears you're secretly bad under your shy and innocent attitude.

There's a knock on your bedroom door. You know it's him. The guy literally has a key to your house. You don't mind. It makes you feel so damn safe.

"Come in!" You call out.

He opens the door, shirtless and handsome as fuck. He eyes you sitting on your bed in your christmas pajamas. He smirks and sits on the end of your bed. "Hey, pretty thing." He touches your jaw and kisses your cheek.

Your heart skips a beat, and your cheeks burn red. Your eyes widen a bit. "Hey.." You smile.

He smirks and lays back on your bed. "How was your day?" He asks.

"It was good! Been wondering why you haven't been texting me back." You bite your lip.

"Sorry, pretty one, I was just busy doing wolf shit." He groans before smiling up at you. "Missed me?"

You slowly nod your head. "I did." You whisper.

"Good." He lays out his arm behind you, his hand resting on your hip. Suddenly, he sits up. His eyes scan your face. "Would you like to go out tomorrow? Dinner?" He asks.

You smile widely. "I'd love to, Jake." But then you frown. "Wait, I don't know if I have anything good to wear."

He stands up and walks to your closet. "You look good in everything. I promise you that." He opens the closet and turns on the light. He looks up at a plastic box full of dildos and vibrators.

You totally forgot about it. Oh, shit.

Jacob is in shock. He grabs the box in disbelief. He slowly walks to the end of the bed and puts it down. He looks up into your eyes with a raised eyebrow and his mouth slightly open. "Care to explain?" He asks.

You gulp, blush, and want to scream. "I.. I. Oh, god." You groan and cover your face.

"You use these?" He asks.

You nod your head behind your hands.

He chuckles before putting the box on the floor. "I knew you were freaky." He jokes. "But, I'm better than a toy." He says casually before turning back to go through your closet.

You gasp and look at him. Now, you wanna find out. "What do you mean?" You ask.

"Exactly what I said." He grabs an outfit and places it on your vanity chair. He falls back on your bed and looks up at you.

You breathe heavy as your heart pounds out of your chest.

Jacob senses your want. He sits up and grabs the back of your head, and smashes his lips onto yours. You kiss him back and wrap your arms around his neck. His hands grip your waist, digging in your flesh. He pulls you on top of him. You run your fingers through his hair and tug. He grunts and pulls away. "Let me show you.." He whispers.

[tlirswriting]

[They Colonized Mars, entry 4 // start here]

Venus:

Second planet from the sun, rendered uninhabitable 

Roman goddess of love, beauty, and sex 

> Atlas walks down the steps into Cythera’s, crossing the energy disruption field's threshold — a series of simple devices set up around the perimeter of the club to cancel out the city's artificial gravity — and he feels lighter, nearly weightless, the pressure lifting from his bones. 

> The air is warm and sweet in the hazy basement room, thick with candy-flavored nicotine and THC vapor. A tall, four-armed Venusian dances on a small stage against the far wall for a sparse crowd, glowing pink and glittering in the spotlight as she mouths along to the old 2260s pop hit Acid Rain. 

> The music thumps through Atlas, the beat reverberating up from the floor and settling into his chest, pulsing in his lungs. He unzips his jacket and makes his way to the bar at one side of the room to order two of his usual drinks; something strong and fruity with tiny paper umbrellas in it. 

> “This is what people do,” He says to SaM-B, talking over the bass as he sets one glass on top of it. 

> “I cannot drink; I have no mouth.”

> “That's okay, you just have to stand there, maybe you're… moody, and mysterious, or something. Or maybe you're shy, ‘cause it's your first time coming here.” 

> “And this is normal? I am doing it correctly?” 

> “Sure, yeah.” 

> Atlas leans his elbow on the bar and sips his drink, watching the spots of light spinning across the walls, watching the people — mostly Human — bobbing along in ripples or sitting at tables. Two bored-looking lesbians chat quietly in the same corner Atlas always sees them, but he never caught their names; nor the man in a leather harness with scars across his chest, or the girl with green hair that might have been natural. 

> “This place is usually packed tighter when I come here,” He explains. “Saturday night, people are rubbing against each other, snorting zidge in the bathroom…” 

> “This is fun?” SaM-B asks him.

> “Well, I like it.” 

> He downs the rest of his drink and makes his way to stand by the stage where a handful of people are crowded, staring up at the Venusian; she's ethereally androgynous, shimmering like a mirage, larger than life in her heels and moving like gravity forgot her. She calls herself Majel Stardust. 

> Alcohol works its fingers through Atlas, relaxing his shoulders, easing the knots in his back. He breathes — digs through his wallet for a 1.0 note �� reaches out to her, hands touching briefly when she takes it, leaning close enough to smell her perfume and she tucks it into her bra. She's electric, dripping glitter, commanding attention; she's mile-long legs and hands you can't keep track of, she's power and grace, you'd almost believe the blasting music was her own voice. 

> It's all an illusion, but Atlas loves the show, dazzling lights mirrored in rows of bioluminescent spots along his cheekbones and down his arms, only visible when his defenses and inhibitions are lowered. 

> SaM-B holds perfectly still beside him, watching intently, its lights blinking in time with the rhythm. 

> She finishes her set, and disappears behind the curtain as the people cheer. A moment later, she's behind him, a hand lightly brushing his shoulder to spin him around. 

> “Atlas, baby!” Her voice is deep and rich like honey. “It's a Tuesday, what are you doing here?” 

> “Supporting artists,” He jokes as she leads him away towards a table near the back. “What are you doing, stealing me from the other queens?” 

> She laughs. “The next one's Mz. Tuna Piano, that bitch is always late.”

> He hums. “Yeah, she is.” 

> “But honestly, really,” She puts a right hand around his shoulders, and another right hand on his waist. “Talk to me. What are you doing here? You look like the train caught you.” 

> He sighs. “I, uh… I had a weird day at work, I couldn't go straight home. Needed to clear my head.” 

> She gestures to SaM-B after they sit down. “Who's your friend?” 

> “My weird day at work.” He grabs the drink balancing on top of it and takes a sip. “That, and somebody died again.” 

> “You gotta get out of there, honey; they'll eat you alive.” 

> “I will, soon, it's just…” He shakes his head. “And go where, y'know?” 

> “Here, maybe.” She sucks on a thin metal tube and blows a ring of pomegranate-scented clouds. “Anywhere. Doesn't matter much, does it?” 

> Atlas chuckles. “I'm not built for entertaining.” 

> “Some people like Martians, with your big brown eyes. You could grow your hair out…” 

> “No, really, I can't.” 

> She studies him for a moment, something knowing in her compound eyes. 

> “I'm gonna get out,” He repeats. “I have plans, I just need a little more time.” 

> She hums. “You want a hit?” She offers. “I hear sometimes humans get a kick out of CO2, makes ‘em dizzy — wonder what it'll do to you.” 

> “No, thanks; I'd feel kinda bad taking your air.” 

> “Suit yourself.” 

> He watches her curl her mandibles around her electric cigar, draw in a deep breath, and beckon him closer — he obeys, leaning in, and she tilts his chin up to press her mouth to his and blow; he breathes in concentrated oxygen, carbon filtered by her lungs, fresh and crisp, artificially sweet. He pulls away and giggles.

> “There,” She says. “You don't have to be guilty about it.” 

> SaM-B emits a high-pitched whine. 

> “Poor thing,” Majel chuckles. “Is it sentient?” 

> Atlas begins answering, “I'm pretty sure, yeah—” 

> “I wish I was you,” It beeps. 

> “I get that a lot, honey.” 

> He sips his drink and thinks about what it meant by that. 

> The night rolls on, soft around the edges, pleasantly dark and spinning like galaxies. 

>>

> Walking home, still buzzing, Atlas leans on SaM-B as they go — his body feels leaden and too-loose, metal pins digging into his flesh to keep his legs on straight — and he slurs: “D'you understand why I took you here?” 

> It beeps, “I think so.” 

> “My point…” The words swim in his head and roll clumsily off his tongue. “With all of this, is that there's more to being alive than your programming.” 

> They can see Mars’ two moons meeting in the middle of the sky through the top of the dome, dancing among silver ribbons of noctilucent clouds. 

> “I want a name,” It says.

> “Yeah?” 

> “I think Selene would be nice.” 

> “Yeah, alright.” 

> A beat. “Can I be a girl?” 

> “Sure, why not?” 

> “Thank you, Atlas.” 

> “You don't need my permission.” 

> It’s true, but she needs to hear it.

> They wobble along the street under holographic advertisements shimmering in the artificial sky. 

> Atlas vaguely remembers getting on the train — rising up over the streets, city lights glowing trails around him — dozing off, and waking up when the brakes squeal at his stop. 

> Staggering out into the cold air again, he's hit by the wind, particles of sand scratching his face and sticking to the corners of his eyes. The storm is habitable inside the dome (outside, the winds are harsher, kicking up dust clouds miles high) but unpleasant enough that he quickens his pace the rest of the way home. 

[heliswife]

𝖎'𝖒 𝖓𝖔𝖙 𝖈𝖔𝖒𝖎𝖓𝖌 𝖍𝖔𝖒𝖊 𝖋𝖔𝖗 𝖈𝖍𝖗𝖎𝖘𝖙𝖒𝖆𝖘 🎄 s.coups x reader

for: @cxffecoupx (I was ur secret santa ehe ;3)

warnings : kys jokes, enemies to lovers, roommates to lovers, i project my student council election trauma on yn, I also don't know what both college and snow are like, making out but nothing further

wc: 1.6k + 0.3k epilogue ; 1.9k total ♡

It hasn't even been a month in of your second year of college and you were already about to kill yourself.

Why exactly? Because you and your roommate, who had grown to be one of your best friends, have to leave the dorms and be separated.

“What do you mean I need to move dorms? What's wrong with this one?” You complained to your RA.

“Sorry y/n, but your dorm has a high chance of having a mold infestation, we're going to need to get mold remediation.” The RA answers with the most bullshittiest reason you could think of. Why would there be mold in your dorm? 

Okay, maybe your roommate forgot to throw away the expired cheese that's been in your fridge since last school year, but still! It was complete bullshit!

What was worse than that was that your new roommate was none other than the student council president himself, Choi Seungcheol.

If it was just any ordinary student council president, you wouldn't mind that much. But this was the guy who you ran against and lost to. By a lot. This was like rubbing salt in a reopened wound to you.

“You're y/n, yeah?” He asks as if he doesn't remember who you are once you appear on his doorstep with all of your stuff.

“Yeah. Guess we're roommates now.” He takes a few steps from the doorway, allowing you to enter.

“Mhm, guess we are,” Seungcheol carries some of your bags in the dorm for you, a kind gesture for someone like him.

“Say, Seungcheol, how's student council treating you? Would've been better with me in it.” 

His eyes narrow at your remark. “Being student council president is really fun, actually! Everyone loves me, maybe that's why I won the elections,” He taunts, a wide smirk on his face.

“Whatever, Seungcheol,” You snap, giving up on the battle you started. “Where's my room?”

“Are you usually this much of an ass? You should be lucky I offered to take you in, otherwise you'd be on the streets.” Seungcheol guides you to your room, which is also… his room? “I only have one bedroom. I wasn't expecting to get a roommate, I'll sleep on the floor.”

“I don't need your pity, I'll sleep on the floor. At least until we get a new bed.” You sit yourself down on the carpet of your new bedroom. 

You look around, and it's a pretty normal bedroom. It's decorated with some posters of bands and pictures of him and his friends, but it’s not overly decorated to the point where it's cluttered.

“This bed is uncomfortable anyways, I think you should sleep on it,” Before you could respond, Seungcheol picked you up and threw you on the bed. You bounced up a little from the impact, and Seungcheol took your place on the floor.

“I despise you.”

“The feeling's mutual, y/n. Now, what do you want for dinner?”

You were going to strangle this bitch.

Months had passed since you started living with Seungcheol, and the atmosphere was still thick (though not as tense as before) with you two. 

It wasn't as bad as before, though. The two of you found a routine and stuck to it. You two would stay away from each other, only talking when necessary. 

It felt a little odd though, seeing Seungcheol in such a domestic light. He was sort of attractive while making dinner, a silly thought in the back of your head that you'd only keep to yourself.

The air has been getting colder lately, and the snowflakes whirling to the ground, covering the once green grass in a thick sheet of white.

“The snow is nice, isn't it?” Your roommate asks, appearing by your side completely out of the blue. You perk up and turn your head to him. Though he was talking about how nice the snow was, he was looking directly at you.

“Yeah, it's pretty,” You awkwardly reply. “Are you going back home for the holidays?”

“I'd love to, but can't. You?”

“I am, it'll be a nice break, two weeks without you.” As if the world hated you, your phone dinged. You checked the notification and your smile dropped. “My flight back literally got canceled.”

“Karma's a bitch,” He says, but takes it back once he sees the sad expression on your face. “Sorry. I guess you're staying here?”

You sigh, “Yeah, I guess so. It's going to be snowing a lot today, weather told me there would be at least 20 centimeters of snow today.”

“So we can't go outside either. Meaning I'm stuck with you inside the house.” Seungcheol's conclusion was your worst nightmare. Being stuck at home alone with him for two long, long weeks. “The snowfall is getting more intense.” 

You look outside the frosted window, the trees dancing in the heavy winds. 

Then, an odd sound from somewhere in the house. “I'll go check it out.” Seungcheol offers, and comes back a minute later with a frown.

“What was it?” You start biting the inside of your cheek anxiously.

“Our heater broke.” He states. “I'll tell the RA and ask them to fix it.” 

“What do we do in the meantime? Oh god, I hate this, why did I have to move out that day..?” You pace back and forth around the living room, but you're suddenly stopped by Seungcheol's hand on your shoulder.

“Y/n. We're going to figure this out, okay? I just texted the RA and I'm waiting for a response. Go get all the blankets from our room, ‘kay?” The way he ordered you around was kind of hot though you'd rather die than tell him that.

You gathered all the blankets from the bedroom and threw them down on the floor. “Now what?”

 Seungcheol organizes the blankets so they're all in a neat stack and lifts them up for you. “Get in the blankets, and we'll huddle together for warmth.”

“I am not going close to you.”

“Do you want to die?” You don't say anything and just crawl in the pile, Seungcheol following after.

You lean to your side, resting your head on his shoulder. “You're warm…”

“Weren't you complaining about this a second ago?” Seungcheol says, but really, he likes the affection you're giving him right now. 

“Shh, you're making me feel colder by yapping,” You wrap your arm around his. 

“Good grief.”

The next few minutes are silent. Then, a few tears start to spill out of your eyes. 

“Hey, why are you crying?” Seungcheol's tone is different from the other times he's talked to you. It's more heartfelt, more sincere. Almost as if he didn't hate you. 

“I don't know,” You sniffle, “A lot has happened in the past few months, huh?”

His arm is now around your shoulder, rubbing your arm up and down in an attempt to soothe you. “Yeah, I know you didn't want this to happen, but-”

“Cheol?” You interrupt him. You move the arm that was wrapped around his to wipe a tear from your cheek.

“Yeah?”

“I think I might like you.” The words come out as a shock to the both of you. Even you hadn't expected yourself to say that.

“That's surprising. Think I might like me too,” Seungcheol deadpans, but the glare he receives from your teary eyes makes him realize: this is serious. You're being serious. “Oh shit, y/n, I like you too. Seriously, I do.”

“For real? I thought you hated me?”

“I thought you hated me?” 

You're about to say something in response, but then it hits you. You did hate him. “I did at first because I was jealous, but then when I moved in with you I started liking you and so I kept covering my feelings up and-”

“Y/n. It's alright.” It's Seungcheol's turn to interrupt. “I get it.” He smiles at you before bringing you into a hug.

“Can we kiss?” You're half-joking, half-serious, but you're really hoping Seungcheol takes it seriously. 

And he does. His lips on yours feels like a dream come true. You can feel his smirk against your lips as he slips his tongue in.

It's messy, a passionate embrace of two lovers, but it's just what you need to warm you up.

Before one of you two could take it further, there's a buzzing from Seungcheol's phone. He ignores it the first and second time, but on the third, he moves his lips and checks his texts.

“It's the RA,” He informs, wiping the mixture of yours and his drool from his mouth, “They're going to come once the snowstorm gets less intense. We still have some time.” He winks at you, butterflies getting sent to your stomach.

For once, you're not mad about it. “Okay then, let me just tell my parents something.” You take your phone out and open the family group chat you have pinned to your contacts.

“Flight got cancelled,” You write, “I won't be coming home for Christmas.” You end the text message with a frowny face before turning your phone on do not disturb. “Now, where were we?”

Maybe being moved to a different dorm was a good thing after all.

“Finally, it's Christmas,” You say, putting the star up on the Christmas tree that you and your roommate (now boyfriend since the events that day) share. “Ta-da! We finished!”

“It looks great, doesn't it?” Seungcheol replies. He's currently holding you up so you can reach the top of the tree. Once he puts you down, both you and him marvel at the sight of the heavily decorated tree.

“Mhm, I got you a present too,” You go over and dig through your bag, handing him a bunny plushie holding a heart. “D'you like it, Cheolie?”

He inspects the cherry red rabbit in his hands, “It's adorable. I got you something too.”

“What is it?” Seungcheol gives you a gift bag in your favorite color, decorated with hearts. 

You open the bag in eagerness, revealing a book you've wanted for ages. “You knew what I wanted? I love you so much,” You thank him, hugging him tightly.

“Of course I remember what you wanted,” Seungcheol gently ruffles your head, “How's your family doing?”

“They're doing good, they really want to meet you,” You tell him, and he grins in response.

“We could do that next break, but let's hope that your flight doesn't get canceled again,” He remarks, laughing at your pouty face, “Even worse if our AC breaks.”

“We wouldn't be able to huddle for warmth like last time though, I'd distance myself from you.” You punch him in the arm. 

He retaliates by putting you in a loose headlock, only letting go once you start frantically apologizing. “No matter the weather, I'd want to stay close to you, cause I love you.”

“How romantic, I love you too, darling.” You had always believed winter was your least favorite season, but starting this year, it would be your favorite.

(hohoho! 🎅 merry xmas to everyone who celebrates!)

[yelenasdiary]

christmas fluff! maybe a festive dinner with the team - so like carol, yelena, nat and as many or little characters you like and the others make fun of how of the lovebirds (reader x carol danvers or yelena) :D

Lovers

Pairing: Carol Danvers x GN! Reader

Summary: The team playful tease how cute you and Carol are. 

Fluff

Warnings: EVERY light suggestive flirting | 1.1K

AC: Thank you for sending this! I hope you enjoy! x

Holiday Special Masterlist

The compound was filled with the smell of roasted turkey, spiced cranberry sauce and other cooked goodies. Christmas decorations covered the compound like it was the North Pole. A large table was set in the dining room with festive decorations surrounding the long table with enough food to feed an army. 

You and your girlfriend, Carol, were in the kitchen in matching Christmas sweaters, chopping up vegetables to help Wanda with her dish. If her hands weren’t handling a knife and vegetables, they were wrapped around you from behind as she placed soft kisses on your cheeks.

“Hey lovebirds!” Natasha called, arms crossed over her chest with a teasing grin on her lips, “are you two actually helping over there? We’re getting hungry” she chuckled. 

You turned to face Natasha, “we’re helping more than you are” you shot back in a playful tone. Carol chuckled, “Just be glad we’re slaving away in the kitchen when we could be out fighting crime!” 

“That’s the spirit!” Clint added as he strolled in wearing a reindeer antler headband that Kate had clearly made him wear.

As the banter continued, Tony entered the room holding a bottle of whiskey. “Look at you two, giving off major ‘holiday card’ vibes!” He teased, making the other chuckle as he placed the bottle on the countertop. “Oh shit, sorry Stark, we forgot to send you one!” Carol replied with a playful eyeroll. 

“Don’t worry, I think I’m seeing it in 4K” he replied.

The playful teasing didn’t end there. As everybody was finally gathered around the table, enjoying light chatter while they downed eggnog and did their best to not pick at the food in front of them until it was time to eat, the teasing was still being thrown like a snowball find. 

Sam leaned back in his seat, watching as you and Carol took your seats beside one another. “You two know you are like the unofficial Christmas couple of the Avengers now, right? People are going to start hanging mistletoe everywhere!” 

You laughed at your friends words, “oh no, trust me, the world isn’t ready for Carol under a mistletoe!” You said with a grin. Carol leaned closer to you, her voice low, “I know exactly where I’d want a mistletoe placed” she winked. 

“OH COME ON!” Sam called out, “NOT AT THE TABLE!” He added, making you and Carol blush. 

“Come on Sam, leave the lovers alone. It’s not their fault your sad and bitter on Christmas” Bucky inserted earning himself a playful punch in the shoulder from his friend. “That one hurt, buck” Sam chuckled. 

“Alright let’s make a toast” Steve stood up, raising his glass of eggnog. Everybody became quiet, waiting for Steve’s words of wisdom before digging into the feast on the table. “May the lovebirds love be stronger than Thor’s hammer and as enduring as Natasha’s, that’s the saying? Sass?” He started. 

“Oh god, stop while you can Steve!” Natasha said, as the others laughed. 

“All jokes aside, I hope this new year brings us less trouble and more moments like these” Steve added. 

“Cheers!” Everybody said in sync before taking a sip of their drink. 

With every passing moment, teasing comments were thrown here and there as the evening unfolded.  In the midst of all the jokes and friendly banter, you and Carol found yourselves lost in each other’s eyes, fully embracing the holiday spirit with love and happiness. You both didn’t care that you were both the core of everybody’s entertainment, it was something you had prepared yourself for since Carol told everybody who her special somebody was. 

“See, they’re got some kind of love language going on over there!” Kate pointed out as you and Carol locked hands under the table. Kate turned to face Yelena, giving her a soft grin. 

“Kate Bishop don’t even think about it” Yelena playfully shook her head, “you already have many odd languages I do not understand” she added. You and Carol chuckled at the couple.

There were plenty of moments where you and Carol weren’t the center of everybody’s jokes, Steve got handed his fair share, and so did Peter and Kate. As everybody slowly downed their food and the room was full of laughter and chatter, you took a moment to just admire this giant family you and your girlfriend were a part of. Everybody came together as one, even if there was a bit of banter towards you and Carol, you wouldn’t have it any other way. 

“How’s the cranberry sauce?” Carol asked, eyeing the small blob on your plate. 

“It’s really good, do you want to try?” You asked, looking over at her. She smiled softly with a light nob before you scooped a small amount onto your spoon and fed it to her. 

“Awww!!” Kate sang as she watched. 

Bruce, playfully rolling his eyes, “don’t encourage them, please” he murmured.

“Hey, you guys are the ones who can’t seem to keep your eyes off us!” You chuckled as Carol hummed in approval of the sauce. “Besides, it’s our first Christmas, what did you expect?” Carol added. 

“Watching you two is like watching a rom-com in real life! Linda, are you recording this?” Clint teased, earning himself a playful slap from his wife. “Remember when we were young and in love?” She said, glaring at him in a tease. 

“We’re still young” Clint replied with a cheeky grin. Linda shook her head, “I’ll remember that if we plan on having more kids!” 

----

As dinner began to wrap up, dessert was served with a mix of different goods to pick from. Cookies, pies and puddings littered that now seemed to stretch endlessly. Carol, opting for a slice of pumpkin pie with some whipped cream while you opted for a small treat sized pie with custard drizzled on top. 

Somewhere between taking small bites of dessert and chatting with your big, loving family, you and Carol ended up sharing your desserts and soon enough, whipped cream had found its way onto both of your noses. 

“Can somebody please remind them it’s Christmas dinner, not a cheesy romance novel?” Yelena announced in a teasing tone. 

“You’re all just jealous!” You replied before tilting your head slightly and kissing Carol tenderly, “they definitely are” she whispered against your lips. The room followed with playful groans. 

With that, the two of you share another kiss, this one deeper and slightly longer just to tease them one last time. The world around you both began to fade as if you were in your own little universe, “Merry Christmas cutie pie” Carol smiled softly, “pun intended” she added making you chuckle. 

“You’re the pumpkin of my pie” you replied, cringing at your own attempt but Carol laughed, “you’re so adorable” she said, placing one last kiss on your lips.

If you want to be on the taglist for my work, please click HERE.

[rocknrollsalad]

rating: gen cw: bad dates tags: hallmark movie au, hockey player eddie, sad sack steve, christmas tree farms, eddie's weird charm works too well word count: 997

written for @steddieholidaydrabbles prompt "hot chocolate"

Eddie had been helping his uncle out with the last-minute rush, the people who forgot to buy a Christmas and were now looking at the saddest saplings in the lot. No amount of creative salesmanship was going to make these trees worthy but people didn’t care. Not this close to the deadline. And Eddie had been happy to pawn them off, it meant he didn't have to haul them out later.

It’d been a good day, one Wayne offered to wrap up because he knew where his nephew wanted to be. Eddie didn’t wait for the offer to finish before he was booking it down to the rink they’d added to their Christmas wonderland fifteen years ago. He laced up his skates and joined the handful of others out enjoying the night.

Somewhere in his third warm-up lap, Eddie caught a guy sitting in the stands by himself and watching the figure skater who was taking up center ice. He was gorgeous, bundled up in a way that was equal parts fashion and warmth. Beside him sat two cups of something warm and a thing of popcorn. He was probably on a date with that figure skater. That's the way that worked, right? Still, Eddie took a second for the view.

When Wayne hit the lights on the tree lot, the guy was still there. Elbows on his knees, watching the entrance a little more than the ice. Still two untouched drinks and a full bag of popcorn. Eddie didn’t see the figure skater but maybe she’d gone off to change.

The other dates had slowly left the ice until it was Eddie and three teenagers. Officially marking Eddie’s favorite time of night. He skated off to the booth and switched the softly playing Christmas music into blaring loud metal music.

He came back out to find it hadn't scared their spectator off, he was drinking one of the cups now and watching as the teenagers tried to push one of their friends over. Eddie stood on the ice and stared at the guy, trying to figure out what was going on. Before he creeped the stranger out, Eddie went and joined in with the kids.

After Eddie had toppled all of the kids, managed to stay upright himself, and the album finished, it was time to call it a night. The saddest new fixture was still in the stands, defeated and out of popcorn. And, honestly, Eddie had been good enough. He was done.

Skating off the ice, he chased the teenagers out and locked up. A quick swap to shoes, a trip through the concessions stand, and back to the bleachers where he now trusted this man would be, Eddie took action.

Passing over a cup of old but still warm cocoa, Eddie tried to carefully walk the line between caring and making jokes, “Wanna talk about it, champ?”

“Oh thank god,” The guy breathed, accepting the cup. “It’s not super obvious?”

“Well, I did think maybe you woke up this morning with ice powers and you were trying to test them out because this is where I’d go do to that but I never saw the ice change and you’re not even wearing any blue so that doesn’t seem like the most obvious choice but I could still be wrong.”

Eddie took a drink as the other just blinked.

“Wanna help me walk the grounds?”

“Huh?”

“I have to check everything out before I leave, ya know? Make sure people aren’t hiding or lost.”

“Does that happen?” the guy asked as he stood up.

“Not really but my uncle said one time, before I was born, some guy tried to break in and steal some trees.”

“What wou-”

“Your trash, man. C’mon. I know you had a bad night but I’ll have to come back and clean that shit up. You’re closing up shop with me, get it together.”

The guy grumbled but took a few steps back to grab the now empty cups and popcorn bag. He crumpled them up and stuffed them into the pocket of a jacket that fit him so well it had to be tailored. Eddie thought the guy was nice on the eyes sitting down but up close? Seeing the whole picture, he was out of his league.

“Alright, you’re hired,” Eddie teased, showing he was pleased even as the guy acted like it was punishment. He took a few steps down the stairs, trusting he was followed. “So she stood you up?”

Eddie could hear the way it tensed the guy up. “Yeah,” he finally said. “And you want to know the fucked up part?”

“That’s my favorite part!” Eddie laughed.

“It would have been our third date.”

Oh god. That was fucked. Eddie turned around and looked at the man, wishing for anything more to say than “I’m sorry.”

“I knew it wasn’t going to work out but I didn’t know it was going to crash and burn,” he said.

Eddie led them into the concessions stand so he could make sure everything was shut off. “I think I’m supposed to say some stuff about it being her loss but no way you don’t know that so can I offer you a bag of nacho cheese to slap? Always makes me feel better.”

“I’m Steve, by the way,” the guy said, pulling himself up on the counter, leaning against the now-closed gate. His eyes were brighter and Eddie swore he could see a smile.

“Eddie. Munson.”

“Ah, so this is all yours then?”

“Nah, I’m the heir to the throne. The only so they can’t let anything happen to me.”

“Must be nice.”

“Yeah, I know you hear about what a burden the Christmas tree farm game is all the time, the media won’t stop saying how dangerous it is but I don’t live in fear. I can’t let them win.”

Steve smiled, lopsided and bright. "Wanna get out of here?"

Eddie nodded. He really did.

[imagine-papyrus]

imagine papyrus comes out as pansexual and sans calls him panpyrus

"NEVERMIND I'M STRAIGHT AGAIN!!"

"congrats bro."

"THANK YOU!! BUT ALSO DOUBLE NEVERMIND BECAUSE I'M PAN!!"

"nice t' meetcha pan."

"SANS!!"

"nah i'm ace"

"WELL CONGRATULATIONS ON FINDING OUT THINGS ABOUT YOURSELF ACE!!"

"you too pan."

[robinson-graves]

"Anyway, you say you're too busy saving everybody else to save yourself And you don't want no help, oh well" That's the story to tell.

[panharmonium]

funniest and most heartwarming thing i rediscovered on my rewatch is when karin roasts sakura about poisoning naruto and then kakashi, who loves all of his kids very much and understands their behavior and isn’t upset with them about their choices but has also been under ABSURD amounts of stress for all of season 10, just bursts out laughing ❤️

[24-05txt]

Little teaser for my entry in the @soapjournalzine 💪 text in alt!

[cconfusedkat]

Never underestimate the sheer power.... of a single kiss .....

And clearly Shamura underestimated their partner ,, theyre like a sad dog waiting for their spouse to come home </3

[feelo-fick]

Headcanon: Chilchuck and his Bad Takes on Literature

i think chilchuck would be like my mom in the sense that he wouldnt like sad stories. dont get me wrong, cautionary tales? absolutely fine. they serve a purpose to him which is to tell people "dont be an idiot and do this or else something bad will happen"

generally sad or angsty stories though? no point to him, and in his perspective its really confusing how people just read things that make them sad. like whats the use of reading something if its just gonna make you sad. whats the lesson? its not even real so it doesnt help anyone.

whats the point in making yourself cry when you could just avoid that entirely by not reading it at all?

but the one of the biggest reasons why sad stories exist is to let you release all the built up grief in you. to send you something to let out all your emotions in a healthy way. catharsis. empathy.

even when i dont relate to the tragic experiences in some stories, several ones ive read have lead me to realize that im in a bad situation or that im following in the footsteps of the character suffering. its like a wake up call.

and making yourself cry isnt inherently a bad thing. if crying allows you to let go of building pressure and tension in you then thats good!

but chil wouldnt see that. of course he wouldnt, hes avoidant of most situations that would allow him to release emotion, and fearful of letting his mature (read: repressed) persona slip.

hes someone that runs away to quick comforts and distractions at the earliest sign of issue. hes already been in too many horrifying situations, dealing with another is a pain. and he knows denying everything and refusing to look at the situation doesnt help, but it definitely provides a quick and easy happiness in the comfort of ignorance.

because of this, reading something made to make one empathize with and confront these bad emotions is defeating the point of his cowering. if he faces his issues, even if only through the perspective of a story, he'd have to deal with acknowledging that things are bad and need fixing, and he'd feel terrible and guilty in the moment - which of course is the worst thing that could happen to a person (his thought, not mine).

which is why i find the concept of him being/becoming a tragedy himself at the same time as this headcanon soooo interesting. imagine the irony of him bashing on the protagonists of tragic stories for acting on emotion and impulse rather than logic, when he himself has fallen victim to irrational thinking while in grief.

cause... thats what people do when they grieve. they lash out, make bad decisions, ruin themselves, ruin others.

for a tragedy to be prevented, the protagonists would have to change fundamental parts of themselves, and act perfectly rational when under extreme stress. and chilchuck holds himself to these kinds of unrealistic standards because he unwittingly believes he can handle it all.

he cant, obviously. we see it for ourselves in his relationship with his wife. they were doomed from the beginning by chils already-established avoidance and lack of emotional vulnerabiltiy (and whatever else his wife had going on).

this is all just to say that if you told him about orpheus and eurydice, he'd probably be one of those idiots trying to point out the "plot hole" that he couldve "just not looked back" and "just trusted her"

i dont understand. whats the point in reading tragedies? the protagonist is stupid, anyways. why would you take bitter medicine? why subject yourself to that?

i think its just a bad story.

[qcomicsy]

I have the controversial opinion that maybe, just maybe we stop wanting to go after people with pitchforks for getting characters wrong and not reading the comics inviting them to easy and accessible ways of and making our own content with comic accurate representation

people might feel less anxious about starting comics and misinformation won't spread as easily

[shalom-iamcominghome]

Jews in skyrim 👁️👁️

[viatrix-glow]

new di x warrior cats

name explanations and more info below :3

basic stuff

-each agency is a clan, not each unit. 14-15 clans would be silly and then we would have some clans with 5 cats and some with 2.

-starpro -> lightclan. i couldn’t call them “starclan” for obvious reasons. light is somewhat synonymous with star, so i’m going with that.

-cospro -> nightclan. i don’t think the cats in warriors know the word “cosmic”, but cosmic implies cosmos implies night sky, so we’re going with night

-rhyth lin -> rippleclan. ripple is sort of a synonym to rhythm….? this one was hard

-new di -> fortuneclan. this one is a stretch but neither “new” or “dimension” have synonyms that really fit a clan name. fortune is something that relates to multiple characters in new di though

-starclan still sort of exists, but the cats do not believe in them the way they do in warriors. they are more of a nursery tale than anything, and select cats (ex: tatsumi) believe in them, but it is not written into their code. medicine cats can still interpret signs, but they do not necessarily think of them as coming from starclan.

-medicine cat forbidden romance is not a thing here

-intermingling of clans is ok and common

-there’s like. other cats in their clans besides just the enstars cast i assume

cat names/why i chose them

fortuneclan:

knights

-tsukasa -> scarletstar (scarletblossom) . he is the leader of fortuneclan because he is one of the new di reps for the summits. both scarlet and blossom were chosen bc of his last name (scarlet is a red color… kinda similar to cherry…. and blossom for the cherry blossom).

-leo -> lionheart. ok this one is kind of cheating because lionheart is already an existing warrior, but…come on….

-izumi -> silverspring. sora describes his color as silver, and spring is in his first name

-ritsu -> frostmoon. his first name means cold moon according to the wiki so i just rehashed it

-naru -> goldenroar. since she doesn’t like her first name i didn’t want to use “storm”, and her last name can be read as “thunder” but that’s a little too close to storm? so golden for her hair and roar for her last name

switch

-natsume -> sageeye. a sage is similar to a wizard, and eye is in his first name . also the “dovesong” mentioned is wataru :)

-tsumugi -> bluewing. he is a bluebird. warrior cats probably wouldn’t straight up call a cat “bluebird” so i put wing there instead. deputy cause he’s the vp

-sora -> skyspring . sora means sky. spring is in his last name. i could have used “stream” instead to differentiate him from sena but i think spring is cuter

mam/df

-madara -> tawnystripe . tawny bc it’s like kind of close to calico if you squint. stripe(s) is in his last name